#barely have the motivation for a lot i feel so bad theres so much i need to work on and a lot i need to do

[krikidilly]

Urk ,, going through it rn so unsure how active I'll be for a while.ugm still wanna try doing an aggie with yew guys at some point but uhhh.

Here's a creature for now. 👍

[five-thirtyfive]

“not a lot, just forever”

plot summary: the pair break up six months into paige’s rookie year and azzi’s final year at uconn. this is the story of how everything falls apart before they find their way back home.

authors note: okay this may or may not turn into a series depending on if people like it + my motivation. let’s see. please let me know if you actually enjoy reading this or i may assume i am just speaking to the void which is kind of embarrassing anyways hahah

PART ONE - PAIGE.

they break up on an uncharacteristically humid and rainy afternoon in September, exactly six months after they started living one thousand seven hundred miles apart. paige feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest and it doesn’t matter that she had heard the warnings before, that long distance is hard and that its impossible to make it work when you’re young..she always figured they were the exception - Paige and Azzi- and their incredible love story. she can barely believe it, that they could make it work at sixteen, two naive girls who barely knew what love meant but wanted it enough to start their first ever relationship hundreds of miles apart, but failed so horrifically at twenty three.

it’s really bad honestly, an amalgamation of missed texts turning into missed facetimes and small arguments turning into big fights, until paige realises that azzi’s flown to dallas exactly three times since pre-season, and all three times, had ended in some kind of apology from either one of them. it comes to a standstill with azzi lingering on paige’s doorstep, carrying a bag of her own clothes she'd never even unpacked (despite her usually never bringing her own clothes when near paige’s wardrobe….paige thinks in hindsight that azzi bringing her own clothes was maybe a sign, azzi’s subconscious telling her that this time, she is done). there’s tears and yelling and it's almost unbelievable, because they never yell, at least never at each other. they hurl foreign grenades they don’t mean (at least, paige knows she doesn’t mean the awful things spewing from her mouth, but she can’t seem to stop it happening anyway) and it’s the bloodbath that never ends, going and going and going until finally, azzi’s slamming the door and storming out of paige’s shitty dallas apartment.

it feels final, the way it rattles and echoes, before the apartment is completely silent. azzi’s soft giggle, her feigned annoyance at paige’s antics, her uninhibited moans that once filled every inch of the space a ghost of the past. she’s gone and it’s over. they’ve had fights, of course. you can’t spend 8 years together and not have them. but every time, they’ve communicated, worked it out and come back stronger. looking back, paige knows that it wasn’t like this - those were the trial runs, and this is the real fucking deal.

paige just sort of collapses right there in her hallway, crumpling into a ball on the wooden floorboard as she cries and cries and cries, the tears streaming down her face echoing the relentless rain pouring outside. she thinks about speaking to God for solace, the way she always does, but she’s realises that she can’t. she realises that she’s angry at Him, so angry she can’t even feel Him. she looks for God, but the sky is empty. it almost breaks her. it sets her tears off all over again.

it’s embarrassing and pathetic and awful yet paige can’t find it in herself to care, not even when she hears the faint buzzing coming from her right pocket, her mum facetiming her. she’s unsure how much time has passed, seconds or minutes or hours or days, as she answers the call.

“paige, i’m just got a text from azzi asking me to tell you she’s at the airport, what’s going-” amy stops when she sees paige, tears streaming down her face that she can’t be bothered to wipe off. amy takes one look and blanches - she knows, of course she knowns. theres only one thing in the world it could be, one thing that could break paige so completely, and for not the first time she placates and placates and curses herself for being so far away from her daughter. her baby girl who looks as if in physical pain, wrapping her arms around herself as if trying to keep her heart inside her chest.

“paige? tell me whats wrong sweetie?” she sounds like she is trying to stay calm but her voice has a frantic edge to it and paige knows she must be in a state for her mum to sound like that.

“its…i… we-” and that’s all she can get out because how does she explain that she and azzi are over? the love of her life, her other half for the better part of a decade has left and isn’t coming back.

“okay, it’s okay sweetheart, we don’t have to talk about it, alright? let's get up and maybe go to bed, whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”

that just sets paige off all over again, making her cry harder, because it is categorically not okay, it will never be okay, and there is nothing she can do or anything her mum can say to make it okay. amy watches over a feeble iphone screen as her eldest daughter makes it to her bed, curling into the corner and pulling the blanket (that she had bought specifically for azzi’s visits, knowing the girl is immune to the texan heat) over herself. it makes it hurt more, to smell her on the fabric that they were wrapped up in together not even twenty four hours ago, watching love island and judging the terrible relationships and even more terrible breakups. she does it anyway.

tears are still running down paige’s cheeks but they’re silent now, the sobs ebbing into hiccups and she thinks she must have been crying in the hall for a long time because she’s exhausted all of a sudden.

“you’re okay sweetheart” her mum says, and paige hears her voice full of relief. she feels bad in some corner of her mind that isn’t filled with azzi, azzi, azzi, for scaring her. 

paige gulps, knows she needs to rip the bandaid off, claw it off her skin, and it's with that that she clears her throat and then just spits the words out, fast and broken “me and azzi have split up.”

and there it is, the truth, out in the open. the thing paige swore would never happen, the thing she brushed off every time someone told her that teenage love doesn't last. it feels impossible, but it’s not and now her mum knows and she doesn’t even have an explanation to give her.

“paige… i can’t - are you sure?” amy asks, stunned, even though she knew, like it was the last thing she’d expected her to say.

“yes mum i’m pretty fucking sure” paige says, angry and hurt, furious with herself, with azzi, with god, with the whole fucking world. 

“it’s just…you two always sort these things out…”

she knows her mum means well, that she loves azzi like she’s her own daughter, but hearing this isn’t helping, because she was there, and it was different this time. the words ‘if im such an inconvenience, maybe we should just fucking end things!’ still ringing in her ears, azzi’s voice loud and resentful and then paige had lost it, devastated and furious that the words had even come out of azzi’s mouth like they cost her nothing, and she had replied with ‘you know what, maybe we fucking should’ and that had been that, the words that cost her everything, the catalyst for them to shout every single hurt that has been building for months at each other.

“it’s over mum and i don’t want to talk about it okay. i just want to go to bed and be rested for practise” and cry some more without upsetting you is what she doesn’t say.

“okay okay, i’m sorry. try to get some rest okay? i'll call you tomorrow, maybe things will look better in the morning.”

after reassuming and re-reassuring her mum that she’ll be okay, she hangs up the phone. paige only takes a second to stare at the find my app, her eyes boring into azzi’s location at dallas airport as if she willing to reach her, send her a telepathic message that she loves her and that she's so sorry and fuck, what were they even fighting about. but she too far away, untouchable in the encasings built by resentments of months past, and paige can do nothing but turn her phone off, knowing that in a moment, her teammates would be blowing up her phone, having received a frantic message from her mum to check on her.

she’s not in the mood to see anyone, can barely fathom leaving this bed and this blanket and azzi’s smell. she looks around and my god she's fucking everywhere, a hoodie of hers she’s forgotten (well really it was paige’s, but after multiple back and forth they’d lost track of who it actually belonged to) strewed on her chair, her empty coffee mug on the bedside table, beside a vibrator paige had only bought a few days ago, anticipating azzi’s visit. it feels insane that they had sex today, that in less than twenty four hours their entire eight year relationship has imploded before her eyes. a third of her life just gone.

she quickly opens her bedside drawer and pushes the mug with half drunk contents, along with the unwashed vibrator into it. its disgusting but she simply cannot look or do anything else, thinks ‘i’ll deal with that tomorrow’, before she burrows herself further into the duvet, and starts to cry again. she’ll wake up tomorrow, and clean her room, and go to training, and pretend to care about her last regular game for the season but for right now, she drowns herself completely in the smell of azzi’s perfume and her own misery.

[t1rkb]

Wish (Disney) vs Lawsuit Arc (SMG4)

I usually compare these two but never in a critical sense so i'm doing that.

Story:

I do think Lawsuit somewhat repetitive in a sense, I can barely call anything unique about it other than its meta, its a basic story and while im not offended or angered by it, it feels stale.

Wish bares that same flaw as it is a simple and somewhat repetitive story.

Narrative:

At first I thought there was but Lawsuit barely felt like it HAD a narrative, I feel very little but I will say this and Wish have similar narratives when it comes to freedom of choice

Wish's Narrative is to give all wishes a chance to be pursued, but it doesnt give of the narrative well enough for others to understand.

Songs:

Objection slaps but its lyrics suck and it does basically nothing to help their case to the point Miyamoto points out the same thing.

Wish... you already know all the songs have bad lyrics (At all costs is good tho fight me) but there is more in abundance... which shouldnt really matter

Protagonists:

Meggy isn't a good focus character, none of the three are in Lawsuit, they just have too much screen time overall and already have too much development in hand, in particular Meggy was at her worst in this arc, her motives like Asha is to give the people their choice, only she does it in the worst way possible by pissing off the villain, Mario and SMG4 are just forgettable but Meggy's too flawed to be a good protagonist.

Asha in contrast... is better by a lot, she actually admits her fault in Magnifico's reign... even if she did nothing to him directly that was Magnifico's own actions, she's still mid but better than Meggy in Lawsuit by a mile, Valentino however is kinda mid and is on the same level as SMG4 in terms of role, Star isnt as good as Mario but he is cute ill give that for him.

Antagonist:

Lawyer Kong is honestly forgettable as a villain, he's not hands on enough for me to say much but he IS a looming threat to the smg4 characters, it's just he does a lot of the same things some smg4 villains did.

Magnifico is a similar case, He does a lot of what other disney villains did but worse, not to say I didnt think he was a BAD villain but he is definetly low on the villains ranking.

in terms of Defeat Magnifico wins because LK did kinda just feel unfinished.

Side Characters:

Honestly the SMG4 cast is too underutilized other than luigi, there isnt much given from the other characters other than gags and the WOTFI challenges

Wish doesn't flesh out the side characters more but I do remember them DOING more than any of the smg4 characters, at least the seven teens and amaya are relevant, Tari even points out she missed out

Allegorial Accuracy:

Lawyer Kong is very much a representation of Nintendo's Worst and it does feel intentional with the jokes

Magnifico does give off a Disney CEO's vibe when it comes to his actions torwards the wishes, however Wish feels unintentionally allegorial so I cannot day wish is better in that aspect.

Comedy:

Lawsuit is mildly funnier.

Wish doesnt make me laugh enough, theres just ONE joke that makes me chuckle.

Ending:

Yeah the redesigns grew on me but man did they not do justice when it came down to it and it ends pretty weirdly which leaves a weird and somewhat bad taste in my mouth.

Wish's ending felt like it showed what Disney SHOULD be as a company, it shows IDEAL disney creativity without the need for restrictions or holding back.

and I do enjoy most of it, I wouldve preferred if star didnt make Asha a fairy godmother but hey, she's probably just gonna help people pursue rather than grant.

Overall:

Lawsuit is a messy rehash of what came before and it shows, despite the effort put into it it is often considered the worst arc, and I only think its 2nd worst.

Wish is... a Disney mess and corporate slop to many, it is relegated to be forgotten as one of the biggest fumbles of the century long reign of Disney.

But in terms of which was better, Im gonna have to say Wish overall, it doesnt frustrate me with its protagonist like Meggy and I can safely laugh at how bad the songs are, Lawsuit just is too frustratingly undercooked for me to think its better.

[harvestingsun]

SPOILERS FOR KUNG FU PANDA 4

This is a massive rant btw. I have a lot of thoughts about this movie

(TW: Bad spelling and not remembering any names 💀)

...

Yh so I'm ranting rn

Like it was good, but not great 🕴️. Does not compare to the first 2, DEFINITELY not the second one, that one was just 🙌🏽 . And u know, that's ok, it's hard to pull a puss in boots and do better than the originals, but still the movie was lack luster

These are my points for why:

1. Plot was SO obvious. As soon as I saw that fox I knew she d be the new dragon warrior, cuz yh. Just obvious. And you know what? I wouldv been fine with that if they developed her character more. Like her bond with po SHOULDV been developed SO MUCH MORE. It felt like their whole dynamic was she was sarcastic and he went 🥺 n that's it. Like, why couldn't they have bonded more on them both being orphans ? How she feels unwanted because the world has rejected her and KEEPS rejecting her, but Po (who has gone thru a very similar thing) can teach her that yes that may be true, but that won't always be the case and once she finds her found family she can feel accepted, just like what happens to Po.

2. The villain and her daughter - so much potential but not enough done for them. Like just. I loved their dynamic, just SO MICH POTENTIAL BUT NOT ENOUGH GIVEN. There was one flashback of them meeting. That's it. There was basically only r4 interactions between them aswell: the betrayal scene, the "I'm using you" scene,the flashback and the final fight. And in NONE of these does it show how strong of a connection they have what about their relationship makes the fox betray Poe for the chameleon??? I wish we had a shi fu and tai lung type flashback where it showed the chameleon raising her and them developing a bond so that we know how hard it is for the fox to go against her orders

3. The villain herself - what motive ? U cannot convince me that "I'm evil because all the kung fu masters rejected me because I was too small" WHEN THERES A SNAKE THE SAME SIZE AS HER AND A F*CKING BUG WHO ARE BOTH AMAZING KUNG FU WARRIORS . like no. Just no. Someone would accepted her. U can't use her size as a reason for her becoming evil, just no. Instead, why not explain her reason being that she was poor/living in the streets ? A large portion of the movie is set around how there's a large group underground who have turned to crime, and poverty is often rampant in cities, so why not use that ? It also allows her to bond more with the fox as they have the same upbringing, but instead the chameleon was never able to get past how no one helped her and everyone rejected her, whilst the fox is able to accept where she is and find ppl who will accept her. Then they could've had a rlly impactful scene in the end where the fox accepts change and wanted the chameleon to change with her because SHE loves her and would fight for her, mother daughter style. Like writing that out just rlly made me think about how much they missed the mark, almost all 3 KFP movies are about father-son bonds, this movie could've had an impactful mother-daughter bond n it blew it 😩. So yh, I don't think the villains motive was fleshed out enough, I just don't think that her being small should have been the main centre for her character. Compare her to all the past villains, her motive is too simple and not developed enough

4. Tai lung and shen. NOT USED ENOUGH. How dare u bring those GODS OF VILLAISN back and not use them properly. And also have Po barely be surprised about them . SHEN IS THE MAN THAT COMMITTED MASS GENOCIDE AGAINST UR SPECIES, KILLED UR MOTHER AND LEFT U AN ORPHAN, Y R U NOT SHOCKED OR WORRIED THAT HE S HERE. And on top of that, ain't no what that peacock would simply bow and go " 🙂" and leave. He ain't bowing to Po, why would he respect him ? Shen doesn't CARE about being the dragon warrior, that wasnt his calling or whatever. Like, i could hav accepted it if he at least had a sentence apologizing for his actions, just ANYTHING that explains why he s so calm. I'm not angry that he is calm, I'm angry that it wasn't explained 🕴️(and tbh, I don't even think he needed a redemption arc much. He did horrible stuff, yes he has trauma, doesn't explain his actions. His death was a result of his arrogance and karma for his actions, I just think his character was fine (stressing him as a character was well written) the way it is, of anything this movie and taken away from his character )

And tai lung. Most of his character in this was comedy. And him going from "you are a mistake🙄" to "actually ur not a mistake 😏" within 10 minutes was annoying. I wish there was more interaction between him and Po. Then fighting together, bonding. Have them BOTH grow to move on from the title of dragon warrior together, since that title is such a grand part of both of their identities that they both have had a tough time letting go of. Once again, I'm not angry that he made jokes n was acting goofy (that was fun, I liked that), I'm annoyed that the movie didn't explain or provide context for why he was able to get over his past feelings and beliefs.

I can understand that they died and were able to let go of their actions in their mortal life, i just wish that it was addressed or properly shown. Especially shen, in his last moments he was given the chance to fess up n be good and he still refused. Bro died with u finished business, I would like to see how he came to terms with that or at least hav it b addressed

Overall, the bringing back of the past VILLAISN was fumbled. So much potential, but not used and on top of that it just kinda makes a joke of them and their original actions.

--> quick add on that I just remembered. Where r the five ? Like, I understand that they could've get the actors back or whatever. Ok find. But why not hav the chameleon capture all of them at the start and then they remain captured/past out/in a coma the rest of the movie until they R rescued :/. Like. That's such a better way of writing them out cuz a. It gives Poe even more incentive to want to take down the chameleon B. It makes the chameleon a much more threatening villain, cuz all the chameleon does in this movie is push one dude down some stairs, and then bring back so dead ppl, lick them n put them in a cage 🕴️. I would appreciate more stakes. ALSO PO SHOULDV TALKED ABOUT HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH THE 5 MORE, cuz this guy is a yapper, ain't no way he ain't talking bout them. It couldv once again been a way he bonded with the fox, if both of them had looked up to the 5 or something like that, or maybe even just about how Po can't wait to accept the fox into his found family

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: wish they developed po and the foxes friendship. I might hav said this b4, I hav bad memory. Just there could've been more bonding , wish there was but alas 😪

5. Poe s trauma ? Now, I'm a psychology student. I love seeing mental health and depth show in movies so I kno I'm being a bit picky. I just wished that we could see more of Poe coming to terms of all the stuff that has happened to him. Or at least referenceing it. I just think that he was way too jokey and light hearted the whole time. Like, there was a scene where fireworks suddenly went off next to him. I wish he flinched or anything like that, since fireworks were such a big thing (almost a trigger) for him in the first movie because of the mass killing of his species by shen. Like, even if he has gotten over it all, it would have been great to have him reference everything he s been through. It could hav been one of the things he bonded over with the fox, how yes, times get tough but you can get thru it if u r supported by the right people

Like tbh I think it wouldv been rlly cool if this movie focused on love :both the healthy and toxic types. Bringing back old villains can reference old baggage , like the toxic love between tai lung and shi fu, and the chameleon and the fox. It could be about breaking those toxic habits and changing to move past them and let the last go. Po couldv acted as the message of that, he could show his surroundings characters how to let go of the past to move on to a better future . Like, after everything he s been through that wouldv been so impactful.

Overall, just a lot of missed potentials in this movie. Still liked it tho. So here are some things I liked.

Visuals: fun visuals . Tho I do think some of the scenery wasn't as memorable as previous movies. Like comparing this villains hideout (wrong word but oh well) to shens, shens is so much more memorable and impactful. Looking at it you feel intimidated. In this movie, not so much. But it was still very pretty and u can tell some hard work went behind it, had some great animations, very smoothe, so yh :)

VIOLA DAVIS AS THE CHAMELEON 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 LOVE HER, LOVE THE VOICE ACTING JUST 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 like, the chameleon wasn't fleshed out as much as I'd hoped, but I still love her because I can FEEL that's she could be AMAZING cuz everything else was great except for the lack of backstory. Like I love her power, I love her character design, I love her voice .

The gay dad's 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 I loved them. Highlight of the movie for me🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 every scene I saw them I smiled. I just loved them so much, that was so cute, I love how they cared about Po so much AND CARED ABOUT EACH OTHER!! That was so cute. Loved that so much. I would watch an entire movie of them cuz just 🙌🏽🙌🏽 loved them so much.

So yh, that's it. Gonna go rewatch all the other movies now

[gaydogmarriage]

cyno sq2 messy thoughts

cyno quest 2 was pretty alright. its got the usual genshin jank writing disease but for what it was i enjoyed it. felt pretty crammed into a shorter story than it should have been tho. theres still a lot of gaps that remain unexplored and the exposition was dumped so fast... sadly most of the parts id like to see explored more revolve around cyrus so tough shit there, i doubt he's appearing again. unless something happens off screen and cyno tells us about it we're pretty much left to speculate on things like cyrus's motives and any talks they may have about this new revelation of cyno's past. which isnt a bad thing, its just a little frustrating just how much that was put aside in the quest

im really curious about what cyrus's thoughts and feelings that led to the decisions he made were, how much cyno feels he needs to know, how much cyrus is willing to tell.. hes one mysterious bastard

its worth noting that cyno refers to his spirit indwelling as the result of a deal he made willingly, despite him being a small child when it happened, definitely not fit to be making thise kinds of decisions. i already thought that was something to pick apart before, but now with this quest it gets so much more curious. his memory of that time is so hazy he didnt even remember the temple of silence and the other kid who went through the same thing he did. he was sold by his parents for the sole purpose of being a vessel which i doubt was something a small kid would just volunteer for, and then he had the fragment implanted into him. yet even as he's standing tgere in the temple, he refers to it as a deal he made willingly. he says it like its the only thing he knows and remembers about it. is it something he tells himself? is that how he copes, by retroactively trying to grant himself agency in a situation out of his childhood self's control? when he calls it a deal, is he referring to the people who put the spirit in him, or does he consider it a deal with the spirit itself? theres just so much to dissect here

and furthermore, cyno seems to completely forgive cyrus for the role he played in this. it really recontextualizes their whole familial relationship. we know how lowly cyno thinks of scholars who pull stunts like this, toying with life and death and god knows what else. he personally participated in putting a stop to the artificial god experiment, which reflects his own past more than he even realized at the time. yet he seems to barely even feel conflicted when it comes to cyrus. maybe he's just matured and become content with his life beyond the point of that truly shaking him up, but he should still have some issue with it on principle. but he's also known cyrus for seemingly all of his life that he remembers, and ultimately he did put a stop to it and get him out of there, and then proceed to keep him safe from the akademiya treating him the same. as a test subject, not his own person. he knows cyrus is no longer willing to be complicit in something like that, so he has no concerns. i don't know. there's just so much

on a completely unrelated note... tighnarians, huh? im still not completely clear on whether valuka shuna and tighnarian are synonyms, or whether one is an umbrella term including the other or what. the implication seems to be that the headdress cyno wears seems to actually be based on fox folk, rather than a jackal or a wolf? which... doesn't really make sense. technically it's never been mentioned in actual dialogue or lore as being either, but it still doesnt quite sit right. hermanubis already seemingly wore the headdress, but he was a tighnarian himself? meaning he had fox traits? but the helmet does not look foxlike? are all tighnarians foxlike? are there some that were of other canine nature? im so confused. what does this mean for my dog coding enjoyment. i need to refresh my lore knowledge

and. hm. that 4ggravate friendship and cynari huh. i rly dont like how hard hoyo seems to be trying to retcon their backstories to instead pretend theyve always been besties. we could have gotten a bit of elaboration on how it was for them when they actually met, with tighnari as student and cyno already as mahamatra investigating him, but the quest dialogue acts like they were just classmates. if the implication was meant to be that cyno was both mahamatra and student at the same time, thats fucking stupid and im ignoring it. the cnnri in this quest was both incredible and a disaster for the fanon

oh and i like sethos. hes got a lot going on

and i like how cyno's maturity is portrayed in this quest, while still showing his shortcomings. we've had a lot of silly cyno since the archon and first story quests, and im really glad to see the serious mature side of him in a story thats more about him personally. and when he stands there right next to sethos you can really see how much he has his shit together in comparison, through his own efforts and the support of his loved ones. go go cyno we love that for you cyno

anyway quest gave me fun ingredience for my hc's and interpretations, but also Problems to solve. welp, the genshin giveth and it taketh away, thats just how it is

[ashyslashyy]

this is what im talking about. shes one of the characters i made this post about. we have very limited information on her so far and from what we've seen she seems to be a very controlling parent and noelle is definitely afraid of her. BUT. there is no way she will just be evil for the sake of being evil. we've barely seen her at all. even if shes a bad parent there is so much more complexity. immediately after the interaction in noelle's house asgore says "shes nice once you get to know her". everyone has layers. and hell even if she is "plotting something malicious", theres gonna be a reason. even in the darkest path of undertale flowey pretty much says "youre just doing this because youre bored and wanna know what will happen". the WORST thing you can do and the game is still presenting you with the reason why youre doing it because it knows there is one. i think it would be completely out of character for toby to put in a character whos evil with no motivation or other side to their character. another reason i made this post: remember when everyone was saying ralsei was secretly evil? he may have been acting cryptic and kinda ignoring kris's feelings (like after the spamton neo fight) but we now know that its because he knows a lot. and he didnt keep it from us for some sort of big evil plan, he kept it from us because he was worried. he didnt want to tell us about the bad things that might happen because he wanted to keep the burden solely on himself. thats the shit im talking about. everybody has reasons. everybody is more emotional and complex than just being "a bad guy".

"[deltarune character] has gotta be evil" Hey. Hey. Have you payed any attention at all to the way toby writes characters. did you all forget when in like 2016 everyone was going crazy over chara being evil when theyre like. an actual child. and they literally tell you that their actions/dialogue in the no mercy route is a direct reflection of the way YOU act? Speaking of the no mercy route. all those times when characters would say things like "i think youre still capable of being a good person". like. i think its a disservice to these games to try to call any character outright evil. its always more complex than that.

[thesugarhole]

i decided to read jinx by mingwa despite not really feeling up for it (especially after the titans bride, since one of the guys has something similar going on downstairs) and i have to agree with the comments a bit. the story so far, overall, is too much like a bj (broadcast jockey) alex 2.0. like, if i wanted bj alex again i would have gone read that... the starting prompt is different but after character motives and relationships are established they kinda fall in line personality wise with dg & jiwoon, but more extreme; dan is even more meek, joo is even more aggressive. i would like to argue against it if only because i like dg and jiwoon more, but its glaringly obvious when it enters the part of the story where dan is rejected and just going through the motions with joo being unbelievably dense and frustrating to deal with.

with that aside, in my own opinion (aka this part isnt comments ive read) it also feels like mingwa looked at killing stalking, said 'i can make it romantic/not a horror thriller' and then went ahead and got it worse. i mean this genuinely: trying to re-tell that type of relationship without making it clear it wont end well or happy (not that the k/s author ever did either but i feel like thats more of an issue with how the bl tag works and expectations; a conversation i was already supposed to have but had completely forgotten oops). maybe a lot of bls are like this and shes just following protocol, what do i fucking know. i read these things in bursts, not in routine.

theres a significant amount of grey area for the characters (and a shitton of comments arguing about it not realizing theyre in a 'the grass is greener' position and its not as easy when youre involved in something toxic) but ultimately, dans exorbitant debt being paid off by joo transfered his hostage situation to him and forced him into a sex slavery role. and romanticized stockholm syndrome or not, i reached a point in the story where i actually thought 'this is not what granny would want but once she passes away dan should kill himself, better than the hell hes going through' like. if this is a romance, EVEN if its in the 'i can totally write good 50 shades of grey guysss' zone, if im having that kind of thought of the main character, it doesnt feel like its going anywhere good. (its ironic that he does eventually try even if subconsciously. oops) (its also an informed thought about my own status though; even if its bumfuck nowhere, he could live in that small village hes currently at, start over. - is what a person currently not going through the despair of life would think)

a big issue with this is also the pacing. wild what im about to say but it might have steven universe syndrome, where the pacing/hiatus interludes are grueling for those following live, but its a good experience once complete (ignoring the downhill pacing problems su had after the marriage ep because of the network, think instead of the early eps establishing why you should care for beach city when most fans wanted gem lore so early). mingwa has already given a loose timeline of the comic, and when you compare what you already have with what was given, it feels like another bad omen; too much time was spent in abusive scenes and not much time will be dedicated to the 'abuser regrets and grovels at the others feet, humiliation arc' and realizing the red-flags to green-flags trope in an effecient and satisfying manner. like... we are at chapter fucking 65 by now. joo has begun to suffer in many aspects of his life but the karma is barely enjoyable when the suffering is being transfered to dan by showing joo tracking down/stalking/tormenting him more by his mere presence. mingwa is the type of author that wants 'actions speak louder than words' type action, and while i appreciate joo getting dan out of the ocean that one night, his spare acts of kindness failing miserably due to lack of 'clearing the air' are not going down the way she wants them to go with the audience, or at least not with me. if you have around 60 chapters of just the escalation of abuse, the groveling for forgiveness after the breaking point should be 120 chapters is how i see it

(btw learned that people call this type of story red-flag to green-flag so it might be helpful in the future if i ever wanna read something similar. for all the flaws the concept has IT IS one of my weaknesses)

im not sure what else i can say. is this another case of morbid curiosity where i desperately want to see the author succeed at their plan and turn this story and my opinion around? i think so. especially because the prompt of the story is like the granchild of 'person in debt made to be property of loan sharks/mafia son/leader' and its funny i mention that because as i said before, loan sharks are involved but it ends up being a transfer of the 'property' to someone else more powerful.

ah well, whatever. i hope (edit i forgot to finish thiss sentence because i was struck with pissing on the poor realization in the next paragraph) the authors surgery recovery goes well! that is unrelated to the story but since its currently paused because of that, it does feel pertinent and obvious to mention. i dont know/remember if the surgery is for work related injuries but i wouldnt doubt it if it were the case, as comic artists are always doing too much

ps. you guys have media literacy and reading comprehension right. i dont need to add a disclaimer that none of this is acceptable irl, i dont condone the characters/actions etc right. because half the comments on the website ive been reading havent made it past this step and cant discuss the story more objectively due to adding morality roadblocks the whole way through.

[rainbowtvz]

the transition into my being 30 years old has been mostly depressing.

my gf is scheduled to move in with me in a few months though so thats something to look forward to.

long post ahead as i ramble and update u all!

i lost a friend group because they rather play ball with an antisemitic racist asshole who literally targetted me to try and provoke me every single day, instead of reflecting on their defense of said asshole, removing the problem (the asshole) and growing and changing as people. if darth still follows me here for whatever reason then you're just as racist as your buddy because you have cosigned his behavior and words multiple fucking times and told him the above is perfectly okay and acceptible. oh and then you lied to my girlfriends face about kicking this guy, and proceeded to cover up what happened. ^-^ i hope you get your just deserts buddy.

i reunited with an old friend and we're dating now so thats exciting. love wins !!!

socmed and stuff like self shipping has taken a backseat in my life as i struggle with SAD and becoming older. i've contemplated many a thing, and went to my therapist for advice on how to handle stress better, including how to control my own reactions better, when its appropriate to "take a break" from being an advocate, stuff like that.

the quotations should clue you in that i don't believe in taking a break from being an advocate or activist, not really. i think that you should carry those same morals and integrity with you into every aspect of your daily live, not just when you are directly engaging in activism. but having downtime is important too, just not at the cost of going back on your stance. giving a shit is a full time life course, not something you can dress up as in public and take off at home.

i think the downtime is more knowing when to not engage and giving yourself space to wind down and not just shrugging off an activist costume. i will ALWAYS care, but theres a time and place to make it loud.

i pretty much knew this and had this stance already but its nice to realize i'm not letting anybody down by not engaging 24/7.

and realistically, my own life comes first. i can't speak up for or help and support others if i can barely take care of myself.

trying to stop bedrotting, also. not sure its working

very low on spoons and i haven't really been socializing outside of maybe 3 people and occasionally in a youtubers discord.

desperately hoping that as the season changes i'll feel less down.

i drew something for the first time in many many months. i want to draw more but the motivation and ideas are not there.

been playing a lot of stardew !!

is very fun.

i think the whole "ohhhh 30 is when fandom people start to get weird" is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. its been kind of mystified and treated as a tale of caution, which is fair, but i think the more i try to actively resist it the more i'm like "okay but who cares"

BEFORE ANYBODY BLOCKS ME FOR THAT

i'm not like, going back on my moral or ethical stance dhjdhghjdj i just find myself with a lot less energy to care and be outspoken about it, which i felt coming on for a while now. i tend to block and move on (and warn people when appropriate) now more than ever.

arguing seems pointless because i am not going to convince anybody to change their minds, lbr. i just stick to me and mine

and more about the self fulfilling prophecy bit, i think if i wasn't so stubborn and rigid in my beliefs i could see myself going down that path as a form of apathy. so i wonder how many others had the same happen to them.

i think it's natural to question things, as i've been taught by my father growing up. so sometimes i think things like "why is this bad and immoral/unethical" and the answers come easily. like for instance i just found out the wicked years book series has incest in it (apparently) and my reason for disgust was because it (incest) is harmful, abusive, traumatizing, and can result in inbreeding. and even if the latter is not a concern, the first 3 still are.

i'm not going to explain in detail for the apathetic because again, i'm not going to convince anybody and why are you on my blog anyway

its just interesting i guess to ponder my own beliefs and to reassure myself that yes, i still have the same ones and that's not changing anytime soon.

and in instances where it does, then i want there to be a good reason. the reason tends to be "i still have the same opinion i just don't care to debate it because it's not solving anything and just causing stress for myself"

go drink some milk.

in further updates, gavin newsom is trying to ban "hemp thc" in california. admidst all the other shit going on in this state, the country, and the world. very cowardly, dude.

i've been a gavin newsom hater for ages since i learned that he keeps accepting bribe money from PGE, i am not surprised, but i am majorly disappointed still. its unfortunate that he's been one of the best governors we've had in my time alive. just like how obama was the best president we've had in my time alive. they still suck, just sometimes they don't suck in a way that benefits the marginalized and opressed.

another thing my therapist and i talked about in ways to reduce stress and conflict is to be up front about political stances and let the normies and right wingers filter themselves out. i genuinely hate talking politics when so much of it affects me and people i care about but i guess letting people know i don't tolerate the intolerant is important too for peace of mind and safety.

anyway, stardew, have i mentioned stardew? abigail might be a potential f/o. and i hate that i have a type lol.

[trinketstar]

KARAMATSU for the ask thingy

OHOHOHO OKAY!! ...tho im gonna be real? i love the guy. But I think I've analyzed him the least in my mind lmao BUT HERE GOES

favorite thing about them

He's hilarious. I mean im gonna say that about all the matsus but he is. SO. FUNNY. He's so tryhard he's so STUPID. HE NEVER LEARNS. If there must be a punching bag character he works really well for it and i FEEL BAD SAYING THAT BUT ITS TRUE.

least favorite thing about them

I don't entirely GET him anymore? I mean that like, I feel he's written the most inconsistently out of all of them... Which is weird. I can't pin down why exactly. I feel maybe like they realized he was the fan favorite and got scared to be too mean to him anymore. But then didn't really give him much else to do.

favorite line

brOTP

I think he and totoko should hang out as friends more their dynamic is REALLY FUN from the tiny bits we've gotten of that.

As for his brothers it's so overstated but he REALLY does have the funnest dynamic with Ichi. I LOVE how Ichi is just constantly like "ugh he's so stupid ugly cringe i hate him so much die karamatsu (i wanna be like him so bad)" and kara is just like " aww theres my dear sweet perfect brother who loves me so much" but probably deep down think's he's annoying as hell GHDJFLG

OTP

I've seen a LOT of really funny karabita art (which influenced me to draw some too!) so i guess if anything it'd be that. I'm sad he barely interacted with chibita again after season 1, so there's not much to work with anymore.

nOTP

again, nothing comes to mind besides the obvious

random headcanon

That he sews all his ridiculous clothes himself and that if he had the motivation to DO anything with it, he'd be a decent textile artist. Probably for some underground cult following clothing shop, he's too much for mainstream.

unpopular opinion

Lots of ppl hc that he's got secret terrible depression and hates himself and the confidence is just a front. I don't see it. I think a TINY part of him in his few moments of clarity does realize that the world doesn't love him as much as he thinks it should. I mean a narcissist wouldnt have let Chibita shave his hair or get bossed around so much. HOWEVER. PERSONALLY. I DO think that he loves himself. A lot. He's just also a weenie. He's VERY fake on the surface but I don't think he's self aware enough to realize it's an act. I think thats how he thinks he actually is. He's bought into his own hype so hard and nobody else did. (besides ichi maybe which is hilarious)

song i associate with them

...Death by Glamour LMAO

favorite picture of them

moments before tragedy

[rattyoakenbitch]

Hello, I love your writing so much that I'm calling the police because of the unlawful amount of talent you have :))

I hope that youre doing well ❤️

I was wondering if I could please get will graham x reader?

✨Prompt✨ ~ one shot please

☄️Details☄️ ~ reader has a bad panic attack and shuts down and holds their breath until they end up losing consciousness.

🌨️Pronouns🌨️ ~ female reader please

🪐 alternate ask just in case you don't feel comfy with writing anxiety/panic attacks🪐 ~ will with sleepy reader who tries to make sure that everyone is happy and works hard for that?

🌌 message🌌 ~ thank you so much and I hope you have a great day ! don't forget that you are amazing and appreciated !

DUDE I LOVE YOU OMG (ok but like i literally squealed out loud 😭😭💔)

thank u so much for this!! u dont know how much i love doing requests. i hope u enjoy this as much as i did!

pairings: will graham x fem reader

warnings: panic attacks, angst, themes of depression, self doubt, passing out, very very very brief mention of suicide, brief mentions of cheating (sorry that's a lot omg). not warnings but theres eventual fluff and aftercare!!!

You sat down on the front porch cross-legged, watching as the sun came up over the hills, emitting an orange glow across the dark blue sky. Usually you'd still be in bed at this hour, but you haven't been able to catch any sleep lately. It's either you sleep all day or not at all.

Of course, not that you really minded. You loved watching the sunrise, the beginning of another day. It seemed so promising and motivating, yet it was bittersweet for you. Because it was another day of what felt like failure.

Another day where you'd rather not be alive.

Not that you were suicidal. Oh, not at all. You could never bring yourself to take a life, especially your own. But you couldn't help but fantasize about how happy everyone would be if you never existed. If you didn't take up so much damn space and waste people's time.

Your heartbeat began to speed up as several thoughts of self doubt and loathing began to fill up your head all at once.

You groaned and buried your face into your knees, covering your ears as if it would make the thoughts go away.

You spent a bit of more time on the porch, lost in your thoughts, barely keeping track of time, when a cold breeze snapped you back to reality.

You weren't wearing much, only a pair of lounge shorts, a sports bra, and one of Will's many flannels.

You grabbed the buttons of your flannel, wrapping it tightly around your figure in an attempt to keep warm. Ultimately you head inside anyways.

Coincidentally, you just caught Will about to leave.

"You're leaving already?"

You raised your brows, watching Will with suspicion.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Jack called, he wants me in right now."

"He say why?"

"Look, I don't know. I gotta go," Will said, more hurridley this time.

You pursed your lips. "Right. Sorry.."

Before you could say your goodbyes, Will was already out the door. You stood in the center of the room awkwardly, not knowing where to start from here.

You ended up taking the dogs out to walk, who seemed to enjoy it more than you did. Your mind was elsewhere.

As you carried on with your mundane every day tasks, your last interaction with Will stayed in your mind as you overanalyzed every aspect of the conversation.

He didn't even say a proper goodbye.. Or an "I love you".

What if he was getting tired of you? What if he found another woman? Was that why he left so early? Did he have a girl on the side?

All these thoughts ran through your head, and soon enough, you started to analyze your whole relationship with Will.

What did you do? Was he mad? Where did it go wrong? Did it even go wrong? Are you just being crazy? Maybe this is why he wanted to leave. He's already got enough to deal with, why would he want to put up with your problems, now?

This is all your fault.

All your fault.

All.

Your.

Fault.

You felt your breathing started to pick up, as well as your heartbeat. You fell onto your knees on the hardwood floor, digging your fingers into your own hair as you gripped tightly, like you'd lose yourself if you let go.

Your whole body trembled with fear and anxiety, the thoughts never once stopping, only seeming to intensify as your heartbeat got louder in your ears.

So loud, you almost didn't hear the front door open, or your name being called.

"Y/N!"

Your eyes shot up from the floor to Will who rushed by your side, obviously freaked out.

"Y/N, what happened? Are you hurt? Talk to me, baby, please."

Your words seemed to get caught in your throat, the only sound leaving your mouth being faint whimpers and strained cries.

After Will quickly searched for any injuries, he concluded you were having a panic attack.

"Y/N," he put his hand on your chest, "I need you to breathe for me, okay? Breathe."

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. "I can't. Oh, gods. I feel like I'm going to die. Please, I don't want to die."

Will took your hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "I'm right here, Y/N. You're not going to die. You hear me? You'll be okay."

As he continued on assuring you, his voice seemed to become fainter and fainter, as if he was far away.

Your vision became dizzy, your surroundings all a blur. You tried to focus on Will as he spoke to you, desperately trying to calm you down. But his words were completely drowned out by the sound of your panting and beating heart, before it all went black.

Slowly, your eyelids fluttered open. They felt incredibly heavy, but you managed to stay awake.

You were no longer on the floor. Instead, you were wrapped in soft, plush sheets that hugged your exhausted body.

You remembered now. You passed out in Will's arms while you had a panic attack. It only made sense, you thought, considering you hadn't had sleep in days.

Still laying down, you inspected your surroundings, your eyes falling on the curly haired man below you who also laid down, his arms securely wrapped around your lower half.

He must have felt you stirring as he began to wake up as well.

You smiled to yourself as you reached down to tangle your fingers in his curls, massaging his head while doing so.

"Y/N?"

"Hey.." you rasped, your throat raw from hyperventilating.

"How are you feeling?" He didn't give you a chance to reply as he continued. "I thought you may have actually died at first, but when you seemed alright, I took you back to rest here."

"Thank you, Will." You cleared your throat, "Can I get some water, please?"

"Of course. I'll be right back, okay?"

Will leaned in to kiss you on the forehead before heading to the kitchen to get a glass. You sat up when he came back, also noticing he brought a hairbrush as well. He sat behind you while you drank, hugging you, caressing your body gently as if you were made out of glass.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Usually you would decline, but you hesitantly nodded your head.

Will pulled away and ran the hairbrush through your tangled strands of hair as you spoke, gently undoing the knots and being careful not to hurt your scalp.

"I've been overthinking a lot.. About every day life. Who I am. Us.." He let you continue. "I thought you were mad at me this morning and I couldn't let it go.. Then I began to think you were getting tired of me and.." You sighed. "You're such a good man, Will Graham. And you have a lot on your plate. I hated to think I was making your life even more difficult..." You trailed off, awaiting his response.

But he remained silent, he even stopped brushing your hair.

The air felt tense. And you needed to apologize quickly.

"I- I'm sorry you had to deal with that," you whispered. "With me."

"Why are you sorry, my love?" he spoke softly, his voice holding no tone of resent or hate. He embraced you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder as he whispered into your ears, now and then placing warm kisses on your neck & shoulder. "You've done nothing wrong. You're just as perfect as you were the day I laid eyes on you. You still make me feel the way I did when we first kissed, or when you first told me you loved me." You felt your heart ache at Will's loving words.

"Will.."

"It hurts to see you hurting like this, because I love you, Y/N. Even on days when you don't love yourself."

Will placed a finger under your chin, tilting your face towards him. He watched your face with adoration, his eyes never once leaving your glossy doll-like ones. You felt blush creep up on your cheeks as Will spoke, his hot breath fanning your face. "I always did think you were the most beautiful girl in the world." With that, he leaned in to lock his lips with yours, as if to prove his love for you. And you believed it.

[bi-lesbian]

i think its half assed to blame anti-bi lesbian garbage on terfs. cause terfs didnt invent biphobia, it was a problem in lesbian community before the 70s as well. for example, bi women were accepted into lesbian community but were discouraged from behaving bisexually, sort to speak. not only that, bi women were seen as less loyal to lesbian lifestyle.

you can address terf rhetoric in anti-bi lesbian discourse (bi women cant love women like lesbians do, bi women make hets believe we're available to men, ect) but to me blaming it all on terfs just seems like a way to scare people into getting on your side.

im looking at this discourse from all angles and it appears that bisexuals werent "kicked out" like the narrative says, but they were tired of having monosexuals speak on behalf of their experiences so they created a new group for themselves.

to make it clear i support bi lesbians but can we get over this "if you are against bi lesbians youre parroting terf rhetoric" because it isnt necessarily true.

im not trying to scare people to do anything, im not saying anyone whos against the label is parroting radfem rhetoric (or at least i dont think i have.. i have really bad memory issues so i barely remember most things ive said, so im sorry if i say anything contradictory, feel free to point out if i do), just the fact that when looking into this stuff its a l o t of radfems/political lesbians spreading biphobic separatist shit, a predominant amount of people whove attacked me have been radfems, and then other people say word for word a lot of things they say... then thats spreading radfem rhetoric. if theyre not using the same reasonings then its not, but most shit i see people say have been exactly the same shit radfems have been saying. and when people try to claim bi lesbian is a radfem term, i think its extremely important to point out that no, radfems fucking DESPISE us and a lot of rhetoric against us is actually rooted in radfemism. im wanting to point out radfem rhetoric not to be a scare tactic, and im not gonna call just anyone against bi lesbians a radfem themself, bc that shits not helpful, but i want radfem rhetoric to be pointed out to encourage people to step back and look at what theyre saying and think on what sort of biases or ideology they may be leaning into.

and yeah, its not like radfems are the only source of biphobia, im meaning more that a lot of political lesbians took a lot of biphobic rhetoric and pretty much made it more "mainstream" ig you could say, and played on it VERY heavily.

and when the community is filled with biphobia/being talked over to the point that they feel its necessary to have to create their own group, that sounds like pretty much being kicked out to me? like im sure a lot of bi people would prefer having their own group anyways, but a LOT of stuff ive seen have also been a lot of bi people wanting to stay in lesbian circles but not feeling like theyre accepted there- the community is vast so theres not gonna be a unanimous stance on what theyd rather have. and if bi people making their own group was fully 100% motivated just by wanting their own group like i see people try to claim, the fact that so many lesbian spaces are vehemently against and even downright aggressive towards some bi people still prefering to be in lesbian spaces since thats what theyve always been in, or they have some other reasoning to feel more close to lesbian spaces- that doesnt exactly shout the separation could really be said as "just a choice" to me.

[ajdrawshq]

For the niche ask game: Terra, Repliku, and Namine

FUCK YEAH THANK U OK

I'm gonna skip the smell question bc I literally do not know what to say abt that for anyone

Terra my beloved

• Song that reminds me of them: the only song I've ever associated with him is.. apparently Apocalypse by Sleeperstar according to my spotify playlist for him

• An otp: tbh,, I dont actually ship Terra with anyone

• A notp: anything w the minors and also,,, lowkey Terraqua,,, just bc I dont see them like that but since there's So Much of it its just. Yknow. I'm v sorry Terraqua enjoyers u do u

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: I enjoy his relationships w Aqua and Ven so much....... AND WITH RIKU their interactions are so good

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: HES NOT THAT DUMB. PLEASE I know its just a fandom joke but I could go on and on abt how the way he was raised and how the total lack of proper guidance fucked him over so so bad but also there was no fucking way for Terra to figure out the stuff happening behind the scenes. Not once does he actually assist the villains without rightfully believing hes doing the right thing, the closest exception I can think of being when he helps Hook bc yeah that dude is pretty shady but he was asked to protect the chest, and only attacked in defense of it - something that is a defining trait of Terra, and his whole job is to protect the light which is vague as fuck so can u really blame him for thinking some of it was in a chest for some reason, plus Peter Pan is kind of a bitch so u can't really fault him for that fight anyway. And don't talk to me abt the sleeping beauty incident bc that wasn't his fault (although I admit its kind of funny that he just,, left) AND the entire Xehanort arc. Dont even get me started if Eraqus just let Terra know that Xehanort is up to shit instead of telling Aqua to spy on him and TELLING TERRA TO FIND XEHANORT WITHOUT ANY CONTEXT WHATSOEVER ALLOWING XEHANORT TO MANIPULATE HIM WITHOUT ANY TRUE HINTS ABOUT HIS MOTIVES we could've avoided like at least half the shit that went down in this game I swear I would've killed this old man with my bare hands. Anyway what was the question

• The position they sleep in: he takes up like 3/4s of any bed without trying i just know it.. and he seems like he'd be very warm. Sleeping next to him is absolute hell in the summer

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does kingdom hearts itself count as a crossover considering all the d*sney and ff characters.. I just wanna see more Terra

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: how DARE u make me choose between his glorious flowy pants that I desperately want for myself and one of the best armor sets in all of kh.. but I'm going with his keyblade armor purely bc of that one shot thats just like. Terrass. Yknow the one

Repliku

• Song that reminds me of them: oh god I feel so strongly about this. I have a whole (very self indulgent and incomprehensible) playlist for them but I'm gonna say specifically Last Of Me by CircusP

• An otp: ok I wanna say Replinami. But. I've grown so attached to the idea of Repliku n Roxas being together its ridiculous

• A notp: w any adults obviously, and Riku and Replitwo. They're Siblings

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note I'm very very soft for their sibling relationships w those two. Whenever I think abt the kh3 Riku n Repli scenes I cry. Also love the idea of them being friends w Xion and Vanitas. And Sora..

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: are there,,, really any popular headcanons abt Repliku? I can barely find any for them to begin with lmao but I CAN say they're not cishet. Bi transfem Repliku my beloved

• The position they sleep in: considering how their life has been plus how touch starved they are, they usually curl up into a ball and/or hold something close to them

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: does my idea of showing them Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back as a form of therapy and/or enlightenment count. Ok but i actually wanna see them interact with Mewtwo for better or worse i think it'd be fun

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: I've talked enough abt the darksuit for this one to be obvious I think

Naminé

• Song that reminds me of them: ooooh this is a hard one...... I'm gonna say Worlds Apart by Seven Lions

• An otp: Namixi and Replinami are both very very good

• A notp: any adults, n im not rly a fan of her being w any of the destiny trio or Roxas

• Favorite platonic/familial relationships: on that note again i Do enjoy her general relationships with the above four.. and I like her dynamic with Axel/Lea tbh. And the idea of her and Terra being friends is vv neat. And I think she'd have a funky friendship w Vani. She has so many friends!! good for her, good for her

• Popular headcanon I disagree with: I cant think of anything in particular I disagree with I just think she should be allowed to kill people (read: Ansem TW)

• The position they sleep in: similar to Repliku, but she prefers being surrounded by something (whether it be pillows, weighted blanket, etc)

• A crossover I'd love to see them in: I think Naminé, Lunafreya from ffxv and Lillie from pkmn should meet.. they're sisters now

• My favorite outfit theyve worn: theres uh. Not a lot of options here (but all the fan made outfits ppl make for her are so epic and cool i love em)

[kiwi-soda]

dating headcanons for my oc's: part 1

Hello, yes, I know, I've barely posted any art of my oc's here, so it makes zero sense to be making this....but it makes me happy, so....even if theres only one person besides me who will be interested in this udgfshkbgsdg

I figured I'd start this little "series" (if i decide to do more) with Edric, because he is incredibly single and lonely and I want to imagine what he would be like in a relationship :)

warning: very long post because aaaahhh this is fun

Dating Edric would include...

Him being surprisingly shy and embarrassed. Despite his tough-looking exterior and trying to appear all cool, if he gets a crush, he can become terribly awkward. He'll be very nervous around you and do lots of awkward laughter to fill the gaps in conversations.

If you're the one to ask him out, he would be so very surprised and baffled. He'd stand there shocked before saying something like, "Wait, you like me back? ME????? Wha???"

Of course he'd be so happy though!! After composing himself, he'd of course accept and give you a very joyful and passionate kiss or hug :)

Similarly, he's very touch starved, so get ready for him to be very flustered at every single touch or look you give him for the first long while of your relationship!

Edric buys you gifts sometimes, even though he literally does not have the money to afford it.

Lots of sleeping together - not in the sexual way, but just in having naps and going to bed. He's a very tired man, and being able to get some rest whilst still feeling secure and comfy with you would make him very calm and happy.

You motivate eachother to do better in life, and comfort eachother best you can through your troubles.

You would have so many chances to wear his big baggy hoodies, sweatpants, and tshirts. He'd stop being irritated very quickly because of how adorable you look.

Teaching him to be a better person. Edric, having learned a few bad behaviours and ways of thinking as a kid, is still learning. Sometimes, he will mess up and say something rude or insensitive. You can help him and support him through his growth as a person, and he will reward you with affection and closeness as a thank you.

In your darkest times, whether it's yours or Edric's, you will be there for eachother. You can soothe eachother in your times of worry, talk eachother out of dangerous things, and find ways to cheer eachother up.

Playing video games together. This is one thing Edric is competitive about; don't expect him to let you win - unless you're feeling particularly down.

Just,,,, his big hands!!! Hairy arms!!! Stubbly chin!! His tired eyes and eye bags,,, his brown hair with a green edgy fringe and a soft smile!!!!! Appreciating him and how surprised and joyful he feels to be appreciated by someone romantically for the first time!!

Gently encouraging him to do things he needs to do, like hygiene stuff or going to work or eating or whatnot. It takes a bit of pushing, but it really does help him. Having you be there to encourage him, makes doing those tough everyday things so much easier!

No matter how many times he sees you, or how long he is in a relationship with you, he is always consistently floored by how beautiful/handsome/cute/whatevertermyoulikebest you are. No matter what you think of yourself, what insecurities you have, what parts of your body you hate, he will always love them, truly and genuinely.

He may need reassuring, cuz his last and only previous relationship wasn't so great. You may need to tell him that you're being genuine when you say things nice to him. He'll appreciate it very much.

Edric will absolutely 1000% write and play songs for you. Expect him to get very emotional and cheesy.

Him coming home from work and walking over to you, and resting his head on your shoulder, wrapping his big arms around you, staying there for a while and groaning about his day at work...not wanting to let go...

...and then he takes off his uniform and crashes on the couch with you~~

I'm gonna stop there because it's a lot but I might do some more in the future,,,, maybe even more for edric if i think of more,,,,,,

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

[vulpinewizard]

a friend helped me brainstorm some motivations for the side b trio, (shoutout to him for enduring me infodumping abt them, lol) so here i am elaborating on them

also, i realised i should put these under a readmore. bc thats a thing i can do

FIRST UP: NEIRIN THE CHRONOMANCY WARLOCK (also setting details)

Neirin, Avyn, and Kavero (he has a name!!) work for an off the grid organization (with dubious morals) known as The Hypnos Sanctum. The Hypnos Sanctum's business is developing technological devices, but thats actually a tax front. Its real purpose is money laundering, and locating and sealing The Slumbering Lands, pockets of geoarcane energy, or areas (usually, but not always) underground that is teeming with energy created by the earth. The Slumbering Lands are very dangerous in really weird ways, so it takes a special team to go to the center and place the central wardstone. Which is where our protags come in!

Neirin is a warlock whose relic has some power over time. Its an old relic, and a family heirloom, but it hasn't been used much, so it's a lot weaker compared to other relics we'll see. It's a small, ornate hourglass that Neirin wears at her hip.

Before the story begins, Neirin lived in a small rural town in the middle of nowhere. She grew up very isolated, but without the industrialization of the city, she grew up closer to wild magic. Her older brother left several years ago to go traveling when he came of age, and sent back detailed letters frequently, which made her want to see the world more than anything.

One night, after a mysterious ruckus and a large explosions, Neirin and her parents found a kid Neirins age, injured and noticeably nonhuman (Avyn). Then the order and the academy came to investigate, and Neirin ended up taking Avyn and the heirloom and making a break for it. She was supposed to meet up with her older brother and stay with him before coming back, but instead she and Avyn met this one kid, Kavero, and then this member of something called The Hypnos Sanctum, and, well, they had good travel opportunities, Avyn! You wanted to join too!

(Unfortunately, she forgot to/couldn't inform her brother of this change of plans)

Arc 1: The Trio have been employed by THS for a couple of months, and are still in training. Unfortunately, THS gets word that the Order has discovered a SL and is en route, but all verified teams are investigating elsewhere, so they have to send in The Toddler Squad. Neirin is very excited for this, since she actually gets to go and see a Slumbering Land for herself. Although her relic is rather weak, she gets clever about how she applies it, which turns out to be critial for the mission. this arc establishes her as the "leader" and strategist of the trio. When the Labyrinth turns out to not be a true SL, but rather the result of a broken relic, Her own relic, Heirloom, absorbs the (considerable amount of) residual energy, becoming stronger.

Arc 2: their final exam! Espionage of the Order. Neirin is motivated to do well because she wants to be sent on scouting missions and see the world. Things get emotional for all three, but for Neirin, she hears news of her parents and brother. This distracts her from her role as the strategist/leader, and they come close to failure, but Heirloom helps her find her resolve.

Arc 3: The teams first REAL Slumbering Land, an underwater cave. Neirin is nervous, because if they run low on oxygen, they can't turn back. The stakes increase when they encounter a couple of students from the academy. Neirin is very stressed about all of this, especially since she has to resort to using her relic to slow the depletion of oxygen. They make it, but only barely! but at what cost? (its avyn) (neirin is blaming herself)

Arc 4: It's Neirins dream come true! a international roadtrip! so many sights to see so many places to go! Aglais is there! how exciting! except its not she feels terrible about what happened to Avyn and her self esteem is crushed and she absolutely is not cut out to be a leader, thankyouverymuch. But of course, life goes on, and they do have to get home, and there are some really cool things out there, and oh god we have to be responsible for a dragon egg what the shit. a dragon egg that is wanted by these people with very bad attitudes. Its jumping over that hurdle that gets Neirin a confidence bandaid and Heirloom a powerup.

Arc 5: Lost Tower arc! Kind of a breather arc, learning lore, sealing SLs, building up relationships, and, most imporantly, piecing together plot clues and trying to figure out what The Order and The Academy are up to, (interacting with the two students from The Academy) lots of setting up for Arc 6... but mostly goofy stuff :]

Arc 6: They go on the offensive. There are plot twists to be had. betrayal! Things go to shit. They are barely surviving. Heirloom reaches her full potential! All hope is lost. The Hypnos Sanctum crumbles. they are doomed. they pull through. theres nothing left, at the end. they lost.

Arc 7:the aftermath of Arc 6, and support for Side A. They say the best time to plant a tree is fifty years ago.

[pliskin]

I made outworld chemistry club in picrew bc im lazy and I dont want to draw them but ive been thinking about them........ actually mostly ermac, ermac/reptile, n this trio in mkx and why I prefer new timeline error macro to old timeline (ppl jump me immediately) theres some opinions in here

so I want to preface this with..... mk9/mkx treats ermac like a total jobber, well all of them, so im not going to make my case about what happens exactly in mkx but the potential of it (lol) because I prefer ermac working on the side of kotal kahn/outworld in a earthrealm vs outworld vs netherrealm scenario... this is where I dont agree w most ppl that ermac should be team earthrealm via kenshi saving them from shao kahn’s influence so theyre essentially ‘a good guy’ now... that’s barely any of their own development and makes ermac rely entirely on one character to change their motivations and alignment... I much prefer what mkx kind of nudged at w ermac starting to form a singular identity.  its not great and ermac of course is still a c-tier villain in it, but I like this development being all ermac, and choosing to stay with their allies and what's most familiar to them

this is also where I lament outworld worldbuilding.... mk11 was trying so hard to game of thrones it instead of really fleshing out all the different races first to make the world more interesting.  ermac fits in outworld... I would even say belongs.  I like the inclusion of kotal kahn in mkx bc it adds much more to random crazed realm under the influence of a bloodthirsty emperor... chemistry club under kk are not ‘evil’ even if mkx bungles it halfway thru and mk11 burns it into the ground.  ermac doesnt need to be aligned w earthrealm to be a ‘good guy’ character, I just wish there was more development/personality for them but that’s the problem w all the bad guy characters 

I really dislike kenshi/ermac I think its a little obvious by now LOL, and why I prefer ermac/reptile not just bc theyre on the same side in mk9/x, but they dont have this weird ‘I freed you’ ‘I am in your debt’ power dynamic going on.  theyre just dudes.  I also dont like ermac feeling like they should owe anybody anything, if that makes sense, for a silly reason, bc ermac should be like... one of the strongest mk characters period.  ermac is the bad guy trump card, even tho they get their ass beat all the time bc villains dont win.  ok this is why I like tall ermac -__- they should be imposing, powerful, scary, etc.  I want that like... on team outworld.  that shit doesnt belong on earth with Johnny cage

it wraps around to chemistry club again, theyre friends (to me anyway) I want...... ermac to have friends.  I want reptile to have friends lmao.  theyre friends with a weird cowboy from earth and its good... if mkx/new timeline mk got rid of its special forces boner, we could've got great kotal krew interactions while outworld was not actively the antagonistic realm......... -__- that’s it really, I hope it didnt sound like I hate on kenshi too much even tho I hate that little bitch and want him far away from ermac (and hanzo but thats another read more) my point is, ermac needs a lot of character development first and other relationships before I could ever consider throwing them into a codependent relationship w kenshi (or anyone) otherwise its just all kinds of weird to me

also make ermac brown again

thats all I have to say