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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

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Best Part of Me -Chapter 19

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud

“I don’t think your husband likes me very much,” Salena comments, as she and Esme lounge in the shade of the back patio.

They share a pitcher of non-alcoholic sangria while watching as Chloe entertains the kids in the pool and Kyle and Tyler –chatting amicably- busy themselves at the barbecue; both shirtless and tanned and buff in their remarkably different ways, both clad in swim shorts that sit dangerously low on their hips. There’s no sign of Ovi; he’d run into town on an errand over an hour again and had yet to return.

“Don’t take it personally,” Esme says, as she stretches her legs and places her feet in the chair across from her; one hand nursing her own drink as the other holds the bottle Addie nurses from as she lays along her mother’s thighs. “He doesn’t like anyone.”

“I’d laugh, but I don’t think you’re joking.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t like people. He’s just very...I don’t know...guarded. He doesn’t trust as easily and quickly as I do. And he has his reasons. Very valid ones.”

“From his military days?”

“That and what he did afterwards. It wasn’t an easy life. For him more so than me. I wasn’t as involved as he was. I was just the ‘brain side’ of things; he was all physical. And it did a lot of damage. Mentally.”

She refuses to delve further into it. It’s not her story to tell; finding it disrespectful - not only to Tyler himself, but the struggles he’s endured and the progress he’s made- to discuss it with anyone without his knowledge.

“And physically by the looks of it,” Salena says.

Esme nods. “The last job we were on...the one that nearly killed him...it caused the most issues. It was a long haul. Months in the hospital, months in inpatient therapy. If you could see what he was like then, you’d see how far he’s come. How hard he to work to get where he is now. I’m proud of him. I don’t tell him that often enough. I should pretty get on that.”

“Well I may not know exactly what you’re talking about or what happened on this last job you worked, but he’s lucky to have you. You’re strong as hell. If you’ve managed to stick around through all of that and through all of whatever happened in Colorado...”

“I guess maybe I’m old fashioned in thinking that you don’t just walk away from things...from people...without trying to work on them first. And I know he comes across pretty intense, but he’s worth it. I wouldn’t have put all the time and the effort into it if he wasn’t. He’s a big man with an even bigger heard. You just have to give him a chance.”

“Think he’ll give me a chance?”

“It’s going to take some time. It’s just who it is. He doesn’t like people in his space. Don’t let him get to you. He’s not doing it to hurt you. He’s doing it to protect himself.”

“Men are brilliant at that, aren’t they?” Salena smirks. “Guarding themselves like that? “

“And he’s twice as bad as your average man,” Esme says. “I love him...with all that I am and all that I have...but he’s exhausting.”

The other woman laughs at that. “You know what’s exhausting? Your children. Are they always like this?”

“Always. From the time they get up in the morning. They can’t sit still. Ever. They're all energy, stamina, and fearlessness. Have you seen my son’s face? He got into a fight at school. Defending his brother. Four older kids jumped him, and he kicked their asses. All of them. AT the same time. And I’m not naming names or finger pointing but guess what parent he gets THAT from. Here’s a hint: it’s not me.”

“I don’t think they got anything from you,” Salena remarks. “Are you sure you gave birth to them? Because not one of them looks like you.”

“Right?! I told you. I wasn’t joking. They all look like him. They’re exactly like him; head to toe. Inside and out. How unfair is that? Mind you, it’s still touch and go with Tanner. Personality wise. He’s on the fence but he leans more towards me. That other ones? All Tyler.”

“Strong genes.”

“Whatever you do, do not say that to him. Because we’ll get into a conversation about it and you’ll have to hear about his dominate DNA and his super sperm and no one...and by no one, I mean me...wants to hear that.”

Salena laughs and reaches for the pitcher of sangria and fills both their glasses. Well you did get one that looks like you. That little nugget is definitely all mommy.”

“So far,” Esme agrees. “But she’s a tough little thing. She probably should still be in the hospital because of how small she was when she was born and all the problems she had, but she was not having any of it. There was no way she was staying there, and she proved all the doctors. She is a little nugget,” she leans down and presses a kiss to Addie’s forehead, then places the empty bottle on the table and lifts her to her chest. “Won’t be for long eating the way she does, mind you.”

“Speaking of eating,” Salena comments. “I see something I’d like to eat.”

Esme glances towards what has captured her friend’s attention; both Tyler and Kyle standing at the side of the barbecue, the latter talking animatedly about one of his especially daring fireman rescues and dramatically flexing his biceps.

“Okay as much as it grosses me out because he’s my brother. I’m hoping it’s Kyle you’re talking about and not my husband. Because I have to draw the line somewhere on comments I won’t allow.”

“Honey, your man is fine as hell and I was not expecting THAT when I walked over here today. Not in a million years was I expecting him to look like he does. When you said retired, I thought you meant old man retired. But I’d never disrespect you by taking things too far. I definitely was talking about your brother.”

“Ewww,” she wrinkles her nose in disgusts, then holds Addie out at arms lengths, one hand under her bum, the other supporting the back of her head. “...can you believe that, Addie? Someone finding Uncle K attractive? Uncle Shrek is more like it.”

“I know you aren't talking about me,” he comments, as he steps up onto the patio, a slight sunburn gracing his broad shoulders, ball cap backwards on his head, sunglasses on.

“You’re the only uncle here so if the shoe fits...”

“See what I put up with?” He winks at Salena. “Thirty-five years of this. Her talking shit about me like that. You think she’s all sweet and cute? Try growing up with her. Pain in the ass.”

Esme smirks. “Kyle used to undress all my Barbies and put them in compromising positions together all over my doll house. And then he’d try and convince our mom that I did it.”

He grins at the memory. “You were a twisted little thing. Even then.”

“I was five! You were eight and sneaking peeks at Mike’s porn collection he kept under his mattress. Don’t even try to deny it. Perv.”

“I was...curious...” he reasons.

“He also used to like walking around in mom’s high heels. He used to steal them out of her closet and parade around like RuPaul.”

“Why is why my calves and my ass are as fabulous as they are,” Kyle concludes. “You ladies need anything? Kids want something to drink.”

“I’m fine,” Esme says. “But Addie needs something?”

“What’s that?”

She holds the baby out to him. “You’ll smell it in about five seconds.”

“Really, bean?” he grimaces as he takes her from her mother. “How does someone so small smell so bad?”

“Because she’s a Rake and they’re all rotten inside. Big and small. Thank you, big brother. You’re a gem.”

“And you’re still a pain in the ass,” he playfully retorts, and then disappears into the house.

“Oh yeah,” Salena sighs. “I would definitely eat that.”

“Please tell me you’re not talking about my brother’s ass when you’ve only known him for two days.”

“I don’t mean eat in a literal way. Or maybe I do. Because I’d let him eat mine like a cupcake.”

“Oh my God,” Esme nearly spits her drink across the table. “That’s my brother! And I have my kinks but...ewwww....” she gags. “...even I draw the line somewhere.”

“Oh, come on! You mean you’ve never done it or had it done?”

“No. Hell no. Just....” she makes a retching noise. “...I think I’m going to puke.”

“Does he do that sort of thing?”

“I don’t know. He’s my brother. I don’t know what he does in the bedroom. I don’t even want to think about it. He did have an ex-girlfriend that was a dominatrix though.”

Salena’s eyes widen.

“He met her when there was a fire at a sex show. I do not make this stuff up. It’s the honest to God truth. He’s a fireman. He has met women in the weirdest situations.”

“Has he ever been married? Any kids?”

“No and no.”

“Single?”

“Sadly, no. But he can be. Do you want him to be? I can make it happen.”

“I do not want you breaking him and his girlfriend up just for me.”

“Oh, I don’t like her anyway. We have history. And not good history, either. I can hook you up. Want me to take one of the team? I’ll do it.”

“You’ll do what?” Tyler asks as he joins them on the patio, Declan on his hip, wrapped in an oversized beach towel.

“Nothing,” she quickly and innocently replies. “I’m doing absolutely nothing. What are you doing?”

“I’m bringing you your kid. He wants mommy.”

“Sure he does. You’re his favorite. Don’t bring him here.”

“I’m busy doing shit. Here... go see mommy...” he places Declan in her lap then places a hand on the back of her neck and a kiss to her cheek. “Do I even want to know what you two are doing?” he asks, as he grabs a disposable plastic cup from a stack on the table and pours himself some of the sangria.

“We were just talking about eating ass,” Esme replies, and he scowls. “Were your ears burning, honey? Because they should have been.”

“We do a lot of weird shit, but we don’t do THAT.”

“Salena wants Kyle to eat her ass like a cupcake.”

He nearly chokes on a mouthful of sangria.

“You never learn your lesson about walking in on girl talk,” Esme says. “You wanted to know what we were doing, now you do. Hey,” she snags him by the wrist before he can walk away. “I need you to me a favor.”

“If it involves THAT, you married the wrong guy.”

“Salena wants to feel you up. Let her touch your arm.”

“What?” he laughs. “Why?”

“She told me that she asked you earlier today and that you said no. Because you said it was disrespectful towards me letting another woman do it. Which is very sweet, and I love you very much for, by the way. So she asked me to ask you. If she could touch your arm.”

Tyler glances back and forth between the two women. “You’re kidding, right?”

“She’s curious. She’s never seen arms like that. She’s lived a sheltered life. If I didn’t know you, I’d want to touch them too. Please? Make her day. Just flex and let her feel them. I promise I won’t get mad.”

“You’re both fucked,” he declares, but relents; quickly flexing his left arm and allowing Salena’s hand to explore. Starting at the shoulder and travelling over both bicep and tricep before ending up on his forearm. “You’re lucky I love you,” he says to his wife, palms coming to rest on the arms of her chair as he leans down to kiss her; long, soft, and enough to make her toes curl.

“Do I get kissed like that too?” Salena inquires as he walks off, frowning when she gets the middle finger in response.

“That wasn’t so bad was it?!” Esme calls after him. “I love you! Just so you know!”

“I now understand why you have five kids,” Salena says. “Because if I had a body like that next me in bed every night...”

“Sorry. He’s taken. He’s all mine.”

“Lucky bitch.” Salena mutters, and then playfully digs her elbow into Esme’s side. “This must be the bonus kid.” she says, as Ovi steps through the sliding doors; giving a sheepish smile and a small wave, clutching a colorful bouquet of flowers in his other hand.

“This one is my favorite,” Esme declares. “Just don’t tell the others. Why are you all dressed up?” she asks him, studying the short-sleeved button down and his neatly pressed khaki pants. “You clean up good.”

“Just wanted to look good, I guess. These are for you,” he offers Esme the flowers. “Just because.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Ovi,” she presses a kiss to his cheek as he leans down to embrace her. “I wasn’t THAT mad at you. You didn’t have to get me flowers.”

“I know. But I wanted to.”

“I’m going to go and get a refill,” Salena announces, as she stands and grabs the nearly empty pitcher of sangria. “Seems like you two need to talk. And who knows, maybe Kyle needs some help.”

“My brother knows how to change a diaper,” Esme retorts. “No groping him in front of my kid!”

“I make no promises,” her friend laughs, and then disappears into the house.

****

Ovi slips into the chair alongside of her, greeting Declan enthusiastically as the toddler climbs off Esme’s lap and into his. He’s a favorite with all the kids; affectionate and compassionate and possessing the patience of a saint.

Smiling, she lifts the flowers to her face and inhales deeply, then leans sideways in her chair and presses a kiss to his cheek. “They’re beautiful, thank you. That’s very sweet of you. Tyler’s going to be worried you’re setting the bar too high for him.”

Ovi chuckles at that.

“You didn’t have to do this,” she insists. “You know that, right? I don’t you buying me thing to get back on my good side. You could have just come and talked to me.”

“I know. I guess I was just afraid to. After what happened the other night, I was worried I’d only make things worse. I never meant for things to come out like that; I wanted to talk to you myself. I didn’t want you finding out like that.”

“Well Chloe has a real way of making a mess of things.” Esme concludes. “I guess she told you? That I confronted her. Gave her shit?”

Ovi nods.

“She said a lot of things that were out of line. About me. About my kids. About Tyler. And you know defensive I get. Especially about him. He’s the person she should be talking shit about. Considering he’s the reason you’re even here. That he nearly died making sure you even got to see your fifteenth birthday.”

‘I know. And I told her that. That she had no right saying things about him. That he doesn’t deserve it.”

“No. He doesn’t. And you know what else he doesn’t deserve? Getting dragged back into this bullshit. He gave it up, Ovi. The job. He walked away. Not just to save himself, but to keep his family together. You know important that is to him. Having a family.”

“I do,” Ovi confirms.

“Then why couldn’t you just let him have a life? Why couldn’t you just let him rest? He deserves that. Hasn’t he done enough? Hasn’t he sacrificed enough for the job? For you?”

“I didn’t mean to drag him into it. I just thought he could help with some things. Maybe do some easy jobs from time to time. Until we could get things off the ground.”

“There is no such thing as an easy job,” she argues. “There’s always a chance that something will go wrong. That you could get hurt. Or worse. But then you went to Nik? Before you even talked to Tyler? What the hell? He’s the first person you should have went to.”

“I just wanted advice,” he attempts to explain. “About how to talk to him about it. And I figured...”

“The last person you should be going to about how to deal with Tyler is Nik. Trust me. She doesn’t even know how to deal with Tyler properly. She just knows how to take advantage of him and manipulate him. You realize that’s what she did, right? That she used his PTSD against him and all the fear he had about not being to provide for his family. She completely fucked with his head. That’s not okay, Ovi. That’s nowhere near okay. Yet you turn around and trust her before you trust him?”

“I never thought about all of that,” he admits. “And I really did only go to her for advice. And then she offered me a job and...”

“Did you really tell her that you felt you something to prove to him?”

Ovi blinks. “What?”

“She told Tyler that he’s the reason you started thinking about the job. That he made you feel as if you needed to prove to him that you were worthy of his love. That you were worthy of being treated like one of his kids.”

“I never said that. I would never say that.:

“Are you sure? Because that’s what Nik told him. That he’s the reason you wanted to do the job. That he made you feel like you had to.”

“I would never say that!” he insists. “Not everything he’s done for me. Not just in Dhaka but when he came to Mumbai to help, when he talked to my father about letting me live with you, everything in Colorado, and now here. I would never say that about him. And he’s never made me feel like that. Ever.”

“Are you bullshitting me? Because if I find out you’re lying to me and you did say all that about him...”

“I swear! On my mother’s grave. I never said anything like that. And I never will. Why would Nik tell him that?”

“Because she’s Nik,” Esme grumbles. “Because she wants to manipulate him into her helping. And it worked. You know he agreed, right? To help you. To train you?”

He nods.

Esme scoffs. “You’re going to need a bigger set of balls because he is going to hard core on you. He won’t show you any mercy. You think basic training for the military sounds tough? This will be ten times worse. And when he’s in that ‘zone’, he’s ruthless. Savage. He will break oyu. I’m not even joking. You really think you’re ready for that?”

“I guess I’ll find out.”

“Oh you’re going to find out. When he has you passing out or puking all over the place. I am telling you; you need to be prepared. You need to be ready. Because he will not go easy on you. He might even go even harder on you than anyone else. Consider yourself warmed.

Ovi sighs heavily.

“Why are you even doing this?” she asks. “Getting involved in the job? I don’t get it. I can’t even wrap my head around it. After everything that happened in Dhaka. Everything you saw. Why? Was that not traumatizing enough? Because it sure as hell was for me. And I already had firsthand experience in absolutely shit shows. But that? On the bridge? That was fucked up, Ovi. And I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”

“You went through more than I did,” he attempts to reason. “You stayed there. With him.”

“Well someone had to because Nik sure as shit wasn’t sticking around. And this isn’t about me and what I did. This is about you wanting to do the job and me not understanding why. Is it Chloe? Did she put you up to this?”

“I swear it was not her.”

“Then what the hell? It’s not Tyler. It’s not Chloe. Is it me? Did I say something or do something because I...?”

“No!” Ovi interjects. “It’s definitely not you. You’re my mom. The only mom I’ve ever had. That I remember. It’s not you.”

“Then help me understand this,” she implores. “Because I don’t get it. I don’t get why...after everything you’ve been through and after everything that Tyler’s been through...you’d want that life.”

“I honestly don’t know,” he admits. “I just want to do it. I have to do it.”

“That makes absolutely zero sense. Ovi, you need to listen to me. Because I’m going to talk you like a mother. Actually, I am going to resort to begging you. Forget about this. The job. Don’t do this. It is not the life you want and it’s not the life I want for you. I’ve lived that life. Long before you came along. Before Tyler even came along. I have seen what happens to people. Good people that thought they could handle the job and couldn’t. And it didn’t end well. The job destroys you. Slowly. It kills you from the inside out. Until you either put a bullet in your brain or someone else does it for you.”

He nods slowly and swallows heavily, considering her brutally honest words.

“The job never lets you go,” Esme continues. “Even when you walk away. You see that. You’ve been with us for five years now. You see what it’s done to Tyler. You know the demons he battles with every minute of every day. You’ve seen him when he’s been in the darkest possible places and he’s wanted to kill himself. You’re here on the days he can’t even get out of bed. Why would you want that for yourself? I don’t want that for you. And I know Tyler doesn’t want that for you.”

“I’m sorry,” he chokes back tears. “That he’s gone through all of that. That he still goes through it.”

“But you’re still going to do it, aren’t you. You’re still going to go through with this.”

He nods.

Sighing heavily, she shakes her head in disbelief, then places her elbow on the arm rest and her cheek on her palm. She glances out towards the pool where Tyler now stands at the edge; arms crossed over his chest as he looks down at Millie, who's in the midst of a rather animated tale, hands wildly moving and gesturing with nearly every word. She’s tall and lanky yet still looks so tiny alongside of him, and when stops talking she copies his stance of arms over chest, hip slightly cocked to the side. Their resemblance uncanny as they stare one another down; same color and texture of hair, same skin tone, same facial expression.

He breaks first, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. And Millie giggles when he effortlessly scoops her up off the ground with one arm, then shrieks when he tosses her into the water. The twins want in on the action and they quickly scramble for the ladders on the sides of the pool, their bare feet smacking against the deck as they rush towards him. The fun lasts for several minutes; the kids squealing and each time they’re hurled into the water, making it a competition on who can make the biggest and loudest splash. There’s a smile on Tyler’s face. A genuine smile. For a long time, he’d had to force them for the sake of the kids; the depression so powerful and profound that most days just putting one foot in front of the other was considering tremendous progress. But it’s real now; lighting up his face and crinkling the corners of his eyes. And it’s so beautiful.

“Ovi,” Esme begins, as she struggles to hold back the fold of threatening to me. “I need you to listen to what I’m about to say. And it’s going to sound super harsh and I’m sorry for that and you know that I love you like you’re one of my own.”

He nods.

“But if something happens and you fuck up and you need Tyler to come and save your ass, you better make sure he comes home. Alive. Because if he doesn’t, I will never...ever...forgive you. Do you understand me? If something happens to him and he doesn’t make it out of there and you do, I will spend the rest of my life hating you. Because that is my husband. The father of my children. The love of my life. And if he dies, I will hold you responsible and I will make sure it haunts you until you take your last breath.”

The sliding door opens and Salena and Kyle step out, chatting and laughing as if they’ve been friends forever, Salena now sporting his baseball hat. And Kyle frowns when he sees his sister’s tear stained face and her attempts at brushing away the remnants of her emotional meltdown.

He glares at Ovi. “What the hell did you do to my sister?”

“Nothing,” Esme answers for him, using the back of her hand to clean up the last of the tears. “You know how I get; how I cry for the stupidest reasons sometimes. I just had a baby three weeks ago. My hormones are still messed up.”

“You sure?” her brother asks. “Because...”

“Because what? What are you going to do, K? Beat him up? I already have one overprotective man in my life, I don’t need another. I’m fine. It’s just my emotions; all over the place.” She gives him a reassuring smile as she pushes her chair away from the table and stands up. “I’m going to go in and start bringing things out. If you want to hold onto little bean there...”

“You kidding? I’m going to hold her forever. I’m never giving this one back.”

“You might have to fight her for over that. He’s sort of attached to her. That’s his last one and he’s enjoying it all he can.”

Kyle shakes his head. “I keep telling you both. Go for the even half dozen. The procedure can be reversed and then just get it done again after the sixth.”

“Yeah, that’s a no from me, Kyle. We’ve reached our limit. Five is fine. Neither of us are OCD enough to make it an even number.”

“One more,” he encourages. “A boy.”

“You’re insane. Three boys are enough. More than enough. You want babies, you have them. Find someone that’s actually willing to have sex with you and put your spawn in them. My baby making days are over, thank you very much.”

“I’m kind of one Kyle’s side here,” Salena says. “One more wouldn’t hurt. And you guys make really cute kids, so...”

“No more babies,” Esme insists. “That’s it. We’ve reached the end of the line. And don’t even think about putting this bullshit in Tyler’s head because he comes to me and suddenly thinks another one is a good idea, I’m coming to kick both your asses.”

“Do you want some help?” Salena inquires as Esme heads for the door. “I don’t mind.”

“I’m fine. I’ll call you if I need you. You’re a guest. So just sit down and do guest stuff. Or get Kyle to flex and feel up his arm. So you can see the difference. Boy versus man. And you’re the former, Kyle. In case there was any doubt.”

“That’s harsh,” he complains. “My arms are just as big.”

“Sure,” his sister agrees. “If you put both of yours together. Then they’re as big as one of Tyler’s.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You’re a savage, kid. A straight savage.”

“Personally. I think your arms are just right.” Salena drawls, then gives him a wink before following her friend into the house.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #best part of me #chris hemsworth character

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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survey from diggitydoo

Have you ever felt a baby kick? I might have when my mom was pregnant with my brother, but I don’t remember.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I’m wearing black leggings.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? My Disneyland trip back in February. It still trips me out that was this year, it feels like forever ago and SO much changed shortly after. It’s wild.

What was the scariest moment of your life? I’ve had more than one, but some were pre-surgery fears. It’s a very scary time and my mind always went to the worst places. My surgeries were long and invasive, too. During one of them my blood pressure dropped really low and my body was just in freakout mode for a few days after the surgery. Like, I had to have a few EKGs and a cardiologist check me out cause my heart rate was high (the EKGs came back fine, though, and the cardiologist couldn’t find anything wrong) and they were worried about my kidneys at one point. I think my body was just under a lot of stress from the type of surgery and the conditions beforehand (I had been sick for one, but also the prep required being totally cleaned out and I think I was dehydrated because of that).

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Pancakes or flapjacks? Aren’t they the same thing?

What kind of computer are you on? I’m on my Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? I like chow mien, egg rolls, potstickers, and crab rangoon.

What are you usually doing at midnight? Either scrolling through my social medias, reading, or watching TV.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I don’t wanna.

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? Hmm. Eyes.

What kind of shoes do you wear? Adidas.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry?I just get really frustrated and upset and I shut down and cry. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? My pain medication. And for the next 10 days this antibiotic. It’s bad because I’ve had it since yesterday for an infection I’ve had for at least two weeks that we know of and the reason why I’ve been feeling sick, but I’ve yet to take it. :X I can’t be a normal human who can take pills, I have to crush mine and I’m dreading how horrible that’s going to be. I’m used to my pain medication at this point and it’s not really that bad. But more than that, it has to be spaced apart from my pain medication because it possibly can increase the intensity of my pain med, potentially causing breathing problems, so I’m like oh yay that sounds fun. Sigh. My doctor insists it’s fine, especially with my dosage, but it was scary to find that out. It’ll most likely be fine, but I’ve gotten so paranoid about stuff in recent years that I didn’t used to be about before. I want to start feeling better, but ugh. :/ I’m gonna take the plunge in like an hour.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? I do. Not the taste, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? 5lbs? haha.

Do you take Tums? Nah, I just take Pepto. I’ve taken them in the past, but they’re chalky and disgusting and sometimes made me gag, so bleh. Apart from their intended purposes, it had been recommended to me by a doctor to take them for increasing calcium cause they have a lot of that, but yeah I didn’t do that much.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? Yes.

How about under one? No.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I think when I was like 9.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? No. It’s been a few years since I’ve felt that or had feelings for anyone in the romantic sense. What does that feel like again?

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? I think about stuff, sure.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Yeah.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Certain ASMR triggers and ocean sounds.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t even know what I want to do in life.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? Yeah.

What is your main heritage? I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know? I get kinda confused with what that is, exactly.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? Dill pickles.

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? I love a lot of different cheeses. I just love cheese.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? Nah.

How about a farm animal? Nah.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? No.

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? Nothing comes to mind. I haven’t been listening to music lately, though.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? I don’t hate to admit that I like any song I like.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Uhhhh.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? I’ve used it, but not regularly.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? A big change.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Yes.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Ha, no. No one does.

What is a good name for a turtle? *shrug*

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Nope.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? I haven’t experienced that.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? I don’t know. It’s not sloppy? lol. How many times a year do you have a family thing? We haven’t had a big family get together in years.

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I’m a very simple gal, I just liked strawberries and bananas. Unless I went to Jamba Juice where they add stuff and you can add extras like a protein or caffeine shot or something.

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Nah.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? My city is crappy.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? No.

Are you watching your weight? I need to be gaining weight, I’ve needed to for the past few years now, but I’ve been unsuccessful.

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. I used to have several close online friends back in the day. Also, I personally love our little survey community on here. We support each other in some way or another and keep up with each other’s lives through our surveys.

What makes your best friend your best friend? She’s my mom and my rock and has always been there for me. I couldn’t do it without her.

Do you have a drunk uncle? No.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? No. I usually have headphones on, though.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Uhhh. I don’t know if there is something I do like that. Not that I can think of.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? I don’t know.

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? That’s hard to say. There’s a lot of really cool tattoos.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? I’m not crafty, artistic, or creative, sadly.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat the whole thing, but of course the creme is the best part.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? They’re very intelligent and would do anything for their loved ones.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? I don’t have any friends.

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Ketchup and mustard. It’s very rare that I’m eating a hotdog at all, though. It’s been years since I’ve had one.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My dad is getting ready for work, but my mom and brother are sleeping.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? Pfffft. That’s not happening.

Look down. What do you see? My blanket I’m wrapped up in. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Politics.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? I like talking about any of my interests.

What kind of mood were you in most of today? It’s only 6:37AM.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Nooo.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Nah.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Ghosting those I was close to. :/

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? I don’t feel anything towards them anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings or anything, it’s just been almost 15 years since then and we haven’t even been in each other’s lives in a decade now and I’ve long since moved on.

How about the last person (your last ex)? I don’t have any bad feelings towards him either. I’ve moved on years ago as well.

What is the best invention ever invented? There’s been so many.

What is something that needs to be invented? I’m too tired to think of something.

What always makes you burp? It just happens.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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professional-anti · 6 years

Text

City of Bones: Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Secrets and Lies Clary’s drawing and experiencing some Frustration. And like…..ya girl I gotcha. I know the pain. Clary wishes she could be more like her mother which is kind of sweet but super cliché. The phone rings, and it’s Simon being That Lovable Dork™ and pretending to be one of the guys she saw carying a knife. It’s a little funny, ngl, but Simon…come on. Clary’s upset rn.

Clary’s mom was apparently upset they were home late, and we get this:

“I am the bane of her existence,” Clary said, mimicking her mother’s precise phrasing with only a slight twinge of guilt.

…That was her mother’s precise phrasing? Clary, don’t feel guilty mimicking that. Your mom called you the bane of her existence! This is just bad writing, y’all. Jocelyn Fray is set up to be this loving, kind mom…and she says something like that? It makes sense that she’s angry, like, fine, let her be angry. But Cassandra Clare has absolutely no sense of extremes. This is just a li’l too much, babe. Tone it down.

OH GODD. I forgot. Simon has a band. Of course he does, bc this can’t get any more cliché. Simon invites Clary to a poetry reading one of his bandmates is doing. So far, it seems like all of Clary’s friends are boys, which really urks me. Let girls be friends! Let girls take care of each other! A girl isn’t “cool” just bc all her friends are boys. A girl who says “I don’t get along with other girls?” Take care of her. There is some deep internalized mysoginy going on. (Don’t @ me!)

Apparently Eric is really bad at poetry, which, like, mood. They agree that even though Clary’s mom is mad at her for going out the night before, Simon’ll still pick Clary up and bring her to the poetry slam. Not so nice of Simon, but I get the appeal of dragging someone along to a terrible poetry reading. Sometimes you just need support.

There’s a picture of Clary’s dad over the mantel. Apparently he was a soldier who died crashing his car into a tree before Clary was born. Even someone who has never heard anything about these books before and is experiencing them for the first time would be able to tell that Clary has clearly been fed a pack of lies. Apparently Jocelyn never talks about him but has a box with his initials (JC, gonna come up later 100%) with his medals inside.

Clary hears someone coming and grabs a book bc “Jocelyn recognized reading as a sacred pastime and wouldn’t interrupt Clary in the middle of a book, even to yell at her.” Ummmm,,,, sounds like a bad policy, Jocie. Clary should have walked in the night before with a book glued to her face.

A guy called Luke comes in holding folded cardboard boxes, and all I can picture is this:

And that’s how we’ll be thinking of Luke from now on. There’s some dumb background info:

“Hey, Un—hey, Luke,” she said. He’d asked her to stop calling him Uncle Luke about a year ago, claiming that it made him feel old, and anyway reminded him of Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Besides, he’d remind her gently, he wasn’t really her uncle, just a close friend of her mother’s who’d known her all her life.

I’M SCREAMING. This is bad writing, folks. This is bad writing. Have any of you guys braved the steaming shit pile that is Handbook for Mortals? This reminds me of that. Totally unnecessary detail that just detracts from the action. Besides being unnecessary, it’s really fucking awkward. Nobody talks like that. “Hi, Uncle Luke!” “Don’t call me that. That reminds me of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, which for some reason Cassandra Clare won’t italicize. Besides, I’m not really your uncle, just a close friend of your mother’s who’s known you all your life.” Umm, Luke??? That’s what people call close friends of their parent’s. It’s a known thing that people do. Also, most people do not think of Uncle Tom’s Cabin after hearing “Uncle Luke”. So calm down, Uncle Luke.

There’s some banter. Apparently Clary’s mom is parking the truck. (Do you guys know how hard it is for me not to type Clare instead of Clary?? It keeps happening.)

Apparently the book Clary grabbed from the side-table was The Golden Bough. Now, spoiler alert: Jocelyn has had Clary’s memories of magic all wiped, which I know from the first time I read this hell book. So why would she purposely put books about mythology and magic in the house??????

Clary asks Luke if he’s ever seen something no one else could see, and he reacts totally unsuspiciously by dropping his tape gun. He spews some bullshit about hallucinating being okay bc she’s “an artist” and “sees the world in ways that other people don’t.”

Jocelyn walks in, and ofc, she’s super gorgeous blah blah blah. This happens:

People always told Clary that she looked like her mother, but she couldn’t see it herself. The only thing that was similar about them was their figures: They were both slender, with small chests and narrow hips. She knew she wasn’t beautiful like her mother was. To be beautiful you had to be willowy and tall. When you were as short as Clary was, just over five feet, you were cute. Not pretty or beautiful, but cute. Throw in carroty hair and a face full of freckles, and she was a Raggedy Ann to her mother’s Barbie doll.

#letgirlsknowthey’repretty2018!!!! Alternatively, stop being fucking cowards and let your MC not be classically beautiful. Bc I’m sorry, we all know Clary is supposed to be gorgeous. Her biggest flaw is that she’s short??? Honey, I am 4 feet 11 inches, and I’ll be that tall until the day I die (unless I do one of those old-lady shrinks). Being short isn’t actually a fucking flaw, Clare’s just pretending it is. I’m just sick of this. Girls have to be beautiful, but they can’t know they’re beautiful. And they can’t be beautiful if it’s not in a thin, white-girl way. Here’s what I want: fat girls who know they’re gorgeous. Girls of color who know they’re gorgeous. Jewish girls and Muslim girls who know they’re gorgeous. Alternatively, I want girls aren’t gorgeous and aren’t described in such a way that we’re supposed to know they’re actually gorgeous. I want girls who don’t pass judgement on themselves at all. I want girls who can just be without having to fulfill some vision of beauty.

Bc here is what we’re supposed to take away from Clary’s description: she has striking red hair and pretty freckles. She’s short and slender. She’s cute and pretty. She just doesn’t know it. Gag me.

Ughhhh. Clary’s also clumsy, her second “flaw”. This isn’t a real fucking flaw!! A flaw is something that is actually detrimental to you, okay??? When you say, “Oh, this character is clumsy,” you’re really saying, “I’m too lazy to think up some actual flaws.” And Clare’s been known to plagiarize, which is a lazy person’s sin.

Jocelyn drops the bombshell that they’re, um…going on vacation. Jocelyn, Clary, and Luke are going to a place called the “farmhouse” in upstate NY for the rest of the summer. As any well-read YA reader knows, this is code for OH FUCKING SHIT WE’RE ABOUT TO DIE THEY’RE ON TO US THROW YOUR CLOTHING INTO A SUITCASE AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Clary flips shit bc even though she earlier said school is only a few weeks away, the rest of summer is apparently really long now. She demands to know what could happen if she stays behind. Apparently the only way Clare can show that somebody is startled is by them dropping something, so Luke drops some picture frames. Ugh, totally not worth being startled over, Uncle Luke. He says he has to go, and Clary hears him and her mom whispering about someone called Bane. From now on, this is Bane:

I promise he’s more badass than anything Cassandra Clare could come up with.

There’s some more Shady Conversation between Jocelyn and Luke that Clary is too dumb to follow, and Luke tells Jocelyn to talk to Clary. It’s really weird that after years of protecting Clary they’re just gonna argue right in front of her, but Clare does what Clare wants.

This happens:

The door flew open. Jocelyn gave a little scream. “Jesus!” Luke exclaimed. “Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.” He waved at Clary from the doorway. “You ready?”

;lasdlajlkajldljl So much happening here. For one, Jocelyn screams. Why is it always the woman who screams? Why was Isabelle the one shrieking? Why is it possible for female authors to be mysoginistc? Why does the world suck?

But my main point is that I think Simon is supposed to be likable? But honestly he’s just coming over as a real douchebag, so jot that down. Anyway, Clary and Simon fuck off. It’s a little weird that Jocelyn is just letting Clary go, but as we all know, Clare does what Clare wants. Oh, and Clary’s super rude to her mom as they’re leaving. The usual.

Oh, God. Another wonderful Simonism. As they’re going down the stairs, Simon says, “Jesus, woman, don’t rip my arm off.” I love, love, love when a female character is referred to as “woman”! Hahahaha nope. Not even as a joke. I think it’s dumb and sexist and argh. Simon is just proving himself to be a real treat.

We learn that Clary lives in a brownstone that’s been divided into apartments and she and her mom share the building with a psychic called Dorothea.

“Nice to see she’s doing a booming business,” Simon said. “It’s hard to get steady prophet work these days.” “Do you have to be sarcastic about everything?” Clary snapped.

Hate to say it, but I’m with Clary on this one. Also, once again, Clare shows that she really doesn't understand moderation. Simon making a crack once in a while? Okay. Probably funny. ALL OF SIMON’S LINES BEING THESE ANNOYING JOKES?? NOT FUNNY. KILL BILL SIRENS EACH TIME. I’M TIRED.

WAIT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I THINK MAGNUS JUST WALKED OUT OF DOROTHEA’S APARTMENT??? YASSSSSS, HERE WE GOOOOO. Clary does the annoying thing where she’s like “am I remembering something?” but then doesn’t remember anything at all. Anyway, that’s the end of Magnus for this chapter.

We rejoin our intrepid assholes at a Mexican restaurant where Clary is angsting about her mom and Simon is cracking jokes. Clary talks about how she knows nothing about her mom’s life before her mom had her. It’s page 31 and nothing interesting has happened yet I swear to God. Simon’s like, “Haven’t you see all those scars your mom has?” and Clary’s like “What scars?” which we all know is bc she’s been mind-whiped or something. Clary ignored a call from her mom, which is exactly the thing to do when your mom is acting erratic and scared!!

They leave the restaurant and Clary thinks she sees a doll’s wings flutter. Simon complains about being the only boy in his band without a girlfriend. Save yourself, Clary! You suck, but save yourself from the Nice Guy™ anyway!! There’s a low-key homophobic joke:

“Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like Windex.” “At least you know he’s still available.” Simon glared. “Not funny, Fray.”

And then Clary gets even worse:

“There’s always Sheila ‘The Thong’ Barbarino,” Clary suggested. Clary had sat behind her in math class in ninth grade. Every time Sheila had dropped her pencil—which had been often—Clary had been treated to the sight of Sheila’s underwear riding above the waistband of her super-low-rise jeans.

(source: https://tenor.com/view/batman-donotwant-animated-gif-4668582)

Look. I am not a nice person. I’ve been known to commit lashon hara, which is the Jewish way of saying being a big ol’ gossip whore. But I would never slut-shame. And I expect better of my female protagonists. This book is just so filled with girl-on-girl hate. And I hate girl-on-girl hate. I want girls building each other up. I want girls loving each other. I want girls supporting other girls, not tearing them down. I don’t want girls who only make friends with boys and then slut-shame other girls with them.

Oh, it turns out Eric the poet is dating Sheila. And we’re on our way to the poetry reading. Great! I bet we’ll meet her, and it’ll be slut-shaming goodness. Clary calls Eric a sexist pig for telling Simon to “just decide which girl in school had the most rockin’ bod and ask her out on the first day of classes.” I am totally in agreeance that Eric is a sexist pig. So why, perchance, is Simon FRIENDS WITH THIS ASSHOLE? This is the CLASSIC Nice Guy™. They always have a coterie of sexist pig friends to show how Nice they are in contrast. Fuck that. Actual nice guys, who aren’t Nice Guys™? They have nice friends.

Clary ignores a call from her mom and thinks about how much she’ll miss Simon while at the farmhouse even though she’s been nothing but annoyed at him since page one. The chapter thankfully ends.

#anti cassandra clare #anti the mortal instruments #book snark #CoB: Chapter 2 #CoB snark

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chimchimdumpling · 7 years

Text

Champagne Corks ❧ Im Jaebum

For @endearkim ‘cause even though my writing is shit she still pretends to like me

Warnings: A teeny tiny bit of angst, a dangerously cute JB

Word count: 2,8k

Summary: Doing stuff the conventional way is just not your thing.

"Honestly, how the fuck do people deal with this dating stuff?", Ara, your colleague and friend huffed out while sinking down in one of the chairs of your office's break room. With a frown you handed her the cup of coffee you had originally poured for yourself. "That bad?"

She sighed. You sat down across from her and smiled sympathetically. "I'll take that as a yes. What happened?" "Just the usual. He would have been perfect if he hadn't been... him, you know? His job is interesting, his friends are nice but his personality is just-" she made a gagging sound, making you chuckle. "At this point I'm seriously considering getting my vagina vacuum sealed. I mean look at barbie- seems to work out for her- she's got a jeep, a pony, a mansion,-" "- a boyfriend...", you interrupted her. She rolled her eyes. "Is she still with that Ken guy? God, how does she deal with that stupid grin?" You laughed about her joke yet couldn't help but wonder how Ara out of all people always seemed to end up with complete douchebags. Such a great person, such little luck. "Just promise me you'll wait another few years with the whole sealing thing? Trust me, someone's out there just waiting for you to smudge their stuff with your lipstick." The memory of how she had eternally stained one of your favourite sweaters on your first encounter managed to put a genuine smile on her lips. "Can't you just give me the number of the guy you bribed to get Jaebum? Please?", she whined and you both laughed. "It's like you two escaped from a Nicholas Sparks movie." The thought of your very indeed perfect boyfriend almost made you blush. "Gah, stop it!" you gushed while throwing a sugar pack at her. "How long have you been together now?" "We're a month away from two years." Ara let out an 'aawww' while looking at her watch. "Enough about our love lives, I'm afraid we've gotta get to work- see you at lunch?", she asked and got up. You nodded and were convinced she muttered something like 'I swear to god If I don't get to be bridesmaid' to herself on her way to her office. After gathering all of your motivation to start your day you, too, got up to get to your office as you suddenly started feeling a bit dizzy. Even though you were as happy as never before work was quite literally killing you, the toll the lack of sleep had taken on you just being the living proof for that. You set a mental reminder for you to drink more and finally got to work. The next two weeks passed by in a blur, the clammy feeling of nausea and dizziness never quite leaving your bones. You now got home even later than your boyfriend in the evenings, causing you to blame the things that seemed off about your health on the sleep deprivation. And still you couldn't help but notice that your were growing distant to him, the possibility of this one big thing constantly nagging at the back of your head.

"Ground control to Major (Y/N), do you wanna order something to eat, too?", Jackson, one of Jaebum's band members waved his hand in front of your face to gain your attention. You snapped out of your thoughts and shook your head. "No thanks, I'm not really hungry." He furrowed his eyebrows in surprise. "Who are you and what have you done to (Y/N)?" You grinned half heartedly, stating that you'd already had a quick evening snack with your colleagues. All the while you felt Jaebum's dark eyes on you, observing you, scanning your every move. Just like most Friday nights spent with the chaotic pile of rascals that Got7 was, everyone decided to join Mark and Jackson on their late run for takeout. Everyone except Jaebum and you, apparently. "You guys go ahead, (Y/N) and I are gonna set the table and choose a movie." Yugyeom and Bambam exchanged looks wiggling their eyebrows but unfortunately you could feel that this wasn't about the two of you not having enough alone time. Without really wanting to you escaped into the kitchen to get some water, hoping you could somehow avoid the conversation ahead. But then the sound of the apartment's door closing behind the notoriously loud musicians echoed through the hallway, followed by Jaebum's steps making their way into the kitchen. He didn't hesitate to speak up, his velvety voice sounding almost worried. "Are you okay (Y/N)?" You placed your glass of water back on the counter, just for safety, and crossed your arms. Trying to avoid his gaze you shrugged. Could you really tell him? Were you even capable of doing it? "I... I don't know.", you sighed, finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes. He made his way over to you, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. How again had you managed to basket this man? "If it's something you don't want to or can't talk to me about that's fine love, but I need to know that you're okay... and to me you don't seem like it." His thumbs ghosted over your dark eye bags, his hands cupping your face in the process. You couldn't help but lean into his touch, allowing yourself to enjoy his warmth for at least the glimpse of a second. "It's just...", you started your attempt at explaining the whole dilemma. "There is this pretty big thing I can't stop thinking about and I'm afraid that if I actually talk about it to someone, especially you, it will get real and...". You let out a heavy sigh, your desperate expression meeting his steady and calm one. You would have to tell him at some point. And by waiting any longer you would only hurt him. "I think I might be pregnant.", you blurted out faster than you would have liked it to be. Your boyfriend's eyebrows shot up, his lips mouthing a silent 'oh'. "Did you... did you take a test yet?" He finally asked after what felt like hours of awkward quietness. You nervously played with your fingers. "I was too scared to do it. But... I bought one." "Do you want to take it now?" Only a few minutes later you found yourself standing next to him in the bathroom, both of your backs facing the sink on top of which the test was now laying. "So what if it's positive?", you mumbled. At this point the whole situation just seemed surreal to you. "Then we'll be a family", he answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "But Jaebum, your job, the fans, I-" "They're not as important as you." Your eyes shot up to meet his, disbelief probably written all over your face. "(Y/N), I love you. And regarding your reaction I really think I need to tell you that more often because you are my world. As long as I have you and the boys we could be living under a bridge and I would be the happiest man alive." By now you were almost crying, your body's every fibre filled with nothing but pure love for the person in front of you. You knew very well that if you had tried to bring out even a single word, it would have come out as gibberish, so you did the single next thing to expressing your feelings with your words: you did it with your body. You pulled him close and captured his lips in a tender yet passionate, short yet long kiss. The world seemed to stop while both of your lips molded together ever so perfectly. "Do you think the test is done?", Jaebum whispered after breaking apart, his forehead leaning against yours. You shrugged, still smiling. Nothing bad would ever happen to you while Jaebum was around and it was almost ridiculous that it had taken you such a crisis to realise that. "It probably won't hurt to risk a glance, huh?" You nodded at each other, a silent agreement taking place between the two of you. You slipped your hand into Jaebum's and turned around, your eyes immediately searching for the test's little display. The result almost felt like a punch to the stomach. You had pictured yourself cheering and falling into each other's arms at this result, but instead you were just standing next to each other, taken aback by the little emoticon. "It's... it's negative.", Jaebum stuttered, sounding exactly the way you felt. "Is it weird that I feel disappointed?", you hesitantly asked. Suddenly, he grabbed your hand and led you into the living room, pushing you down onto the sofa. "You couldn't have waited another two weeks for this, could you?" You frowned, the floor crumbling away from your feet. What was going on? He disappeared into the direction of your shared bedroom only to return a few moments later. The only thing going on in your brain were big question marks swirling around. He knelt in front of you just like that one time he had comforted you about the death of your grandfather, his beautiful features looking ethereal in the living room's dim lighting. "There is one else in this world I could ever picture myself starting a family with. I may have hated you when you stole my cab that day, and maybe still a little bit when I saw you again at this bar you were playing the guitar in a few weeks later but as soon as you played that song and dedicated it to me with a wink I knew that you were something very, very special. Do you remember what you said?" Despite the chaos in your head your eyes lit up at the thought of one of your first memories together. "I said 'This one is for the guy who hijacked my cab the other day'.", you recited your own words with a smile. "And then you played 'Fuck you' by Lily Allen- probably one of the sexiest things I have ever heard. The night we spent together after bickering around and hardcore third wheeling Youngjae for at least two hours was one of the best nights of my life. And when I woke up to you singing one of my songs while making breakfast the next morning I knew that I had found what I had always been looking for." You were really digging the recollection of the first steps of your relationship but couldn't help but wonder what all of this had to do with you not being pregnant. "I never want to let you go. If you'll let me, I will listen to you rant about that detergent commercial every day for the rest of my life. I will save up the yellow gummi bears for you because you only like those, I will remind you to pack your keys since you always forget them and I will save you from Bambam's stupid jokes. But most importantly will I love you and do everything I can to see that breathtaking smile of yours every day. (Y/N), will you allow me all of these things and become my wife?" You let out a long overdue sob. Unable to speak you nodded heavily, pulling him in by the collar of his shirt for a deep kiss. "Yes.", you finally whispered against his lips, causing his whole face to light up with joy. He longed into one of his jean's front pockets, pulling out a small shiny thing you couldn't properly see through your blurred vision. It was a ring. He slipped it on your ring finger, watching the way it reflected the light almost incredulously. "I love you." You both whispered at almost the same time and giggled at your simultaneity. You were about to kiss again as the apartment's front door opened, announcing the boys' return. Jinyoung entered the living room first, taking in the scene of Jaebum still on his knees and your hands still cupping his face. "Are you kidding me JB?", he exclaimed, amusement sparking his voice. "You book an entire restaurant and prepare a speech only to propose to her two weeks earlier in the damn living room just because you couldn't wait anymore?" Jaebum turned around, a huge grin adorning his features. "That's exactly what I did." Jackson let out a squeal almost inaudible for humans before throwing himself on the couch next to you. "This is so exciting! A wedding! So much to plan! Do you already know which dress you want?" You laughed loudly. Happy chaos proceeded to flood the room as the boys started showering both of you in congratulations, your hand all the while never leaving Jaebum's. After ten minutes of hugs and Yugyeom almost shooting Mark k.o with a champagne cork your now fiancé leaned close to whisper something in your ear. "I think it's time to leave." You looked at him in confusion. "Why?" A cheeky grin spread across his face, his dark eyes meeting yours. "I think we should let the guys get some sleep, shouldn't we?" His words took a few seconds to sink in but as soon as you realised their meaning you widened your eyes and slapped his arm. "Jaebum!", you whisper shouted, not really able to keep yourself from laughing. "What? We have a family to start, after all."

"(Y/N)? Do you want some orange marmalade?" You looked up from your toast and shook your head at Mark. "God no, please stay away from me with that stuff. Can you pass me the Nutella instead?" "Sure. But I always thought orange marmalade was your favourite?" You opened the Nutella with a shrug. "Maybe I just ate it too often, all I know is that I don't like the taste of it anymore." Distracted by preparing your breakfast you didn't notice the surprised glance Jaebum shot at you from his place next to you. You had asked him if he'd bought a new cologne twice this week already and he also wasn't the only one to realise the small changes in your appearance. The boys kept stealing glances at your rosy cheeks, your sparkling eyes, your messy hair that somehow seemed to shine more than usual. There was no other way to say it- you were glowing. Maybe it was just the post-honeymoon-and-all-moving-into-a-big-house-together glee. Maybe it was something else. You were on dishwashing duty that day, so after breakfast you made your way into the kitchen to get it over with as quickly as possible. Suddenly someone sneaked up behind you and placed their hands around the small of your back, making you squeal in surprise. You very quickly made the pair of hands out to be your husband's, since now, they were wandering up your torso and finally cupped your breasts through the pyjama shirt you were still wearing. You swatted his hands away and turned around to send Jaebum one of your famous death glares. "What the fuck, Jaebum?" An expression you couldn't quite decipher adorned his features, making you even more confused than you already were. "When was the last time you had your period?" You were about to hiss out another 'what the fuck' when suddenly it hit you. Your mouth fell open in a silent 'oh', your astonished gaze meeting your husband's. The next moment you were both running towards the bathroom. You almost slammed your heads together trying to get the spare pregnancy test from last time from the mirror closet, breaking into a fit of excited giggles. "Come back in five minutes, okay?" "Babe, you always leave the door open while peeing so you don't miss what's happening on TV. And believe me, seeing you pee is not the worst thing I've seen you do... remember that one time you were so dr-" "Turn around or I'll file a divorce.", you interrupted him, causing him to snort. At least he finally turned around. Ten minutes later you were in the same position as only a few months before. The nervous mess you were you almost crushed every bone in Jaebum's hand, something he didn't even realise since he himself was too occupied by chewing on the insides of his cheeks. The second your phone's timer rang you both spun around, almost stumbling into the sink. There was a moment of shocked silence. And then you started screaming. Alarmed by your noise the rest of the guys appeared in the doorframe, utter confusion displayed on their faces. Youngjae was the first to put the pieces together. With a loud gasp he tackled Jaebum, who still hadn't stopped grinning into a bear hug. "Would someone like to tell us what's going on?" Your husband pulled away from his best friend and made his way back to you, taking both of your hands in his. His now suspiciously glistening eyes searched for yours, silently asking for your approval. After you nodded the brightest smile you'd ever seen on him spread across his features. He took a deep breath. "Got7 will have an eighth member soon." That night, Yugyeom finally got his payback from Mark and a champagne cork against his head.

#im jaebum #jaebum x reader #got7 #got7 x reader #jaebum oneshot #jaebum husband

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jenniferstolzer · 7 years

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Time to begin a long overdue education

I have never seen Buffy before. I traded @bewareoftrees ... I would watch all of Buffy and she would watch all of Babylon 5. So here I am!

I won’t liveblog summaries, but I will give jokes and guesses and observations so if you want to come along (or not) the tag is going to be #jen watches.

ep1 Welcome to Hellmouth

I like that this is picking up where the movie left off, although I believe these people are 16 like I believe this “authentic teenage slang speech.” Ah the late 90s...

Tony Head! My bro! My favorite Night Surgeon. I was biased from the start but I’m gonna guess he will PROBABLY by my favorite character. This will be cemented if he ends up knocked out at any point.

I do come with some knowledge of this show, unfortunately as much as I like Willow already, I’m gonna brace myself for impact. Joss has slain my heart before.

David Boreanaz is still hot but I’m sorry dude, you are way too puppy dog to be menacing and your dialog is atrocious. All the vampire dialog is atrocious. I’m gonna believe this is b/c it set a standard. Can’t forget this show is a milestone for modern fiction writers.

oh crap this dvd is old enough yo have to pick episodes individually. The past sucks.

2, The Harvest

Angel starts what I’m gonna guess is an illustrious career as a sad, cryptic puppy.

Was 90s fashion ever attractive?

Holy crap the show just used the “jumpscare” sound from Illbleed and everywhere else. I’m recognizing all these sound effects. Someone bought the classic horror kit I think.

a dudebro who can’t close his mouth swings in from the side in computer lab and I laugh and laugh.

I didn’t see Jesse becoming a vampire coming, perhaps I should be paying closer attention. He of course gets super sexual assaulty when he’s a vampire and Cordelia is totally into unhealthy relationships so she’ll let him touch her hips and inhale hissing breaths in her ear. No problem.

“Bring me the first” says Luke. //other vampires bring out an innocent black man. Me: uncool.

“Jesse is dead. You have to remember, when you see him you are not looking at your friend, you’re looking at the thing that killed him.” - Giles

Willow saved him from a vampire! These two are the best. Tag team it awkward booknerds.

The Vampire growl sounds like they’re burping really loud. Glad to know the evil vampires are still stupid enough to get faked out.

3 Witch

Giles is so offended that Buffy wants to be a cheerleader. How is it that he is more accurate to me in highschool than anyone else. Good news... as a grownup I’m totally on Buffy’s side. Let her cheer. She’ll be a smash at the gymnastics.

AND we begin with body shaming. Cordelia is talking to Willow now which is weird. And Willow herself I think either got skinnier between episodes or they were dressing her in liek 10 layers of clothes in the two opening eps. Then this other girl comes in and Willow is like “You lost a lot of weight” and the first girl is like “Had to.” Ugh. How about I just grate my spare tire off with an industrial file.

Hooray for Buffy putting out the fire and saving the girl :) Doing something is so against the teen girl stereotype.

Amy just exposition barfed all over Buffy about the huge crush she has on her own mom. I’m glad they’re highlighting this body weight thing as an unnatural fixation but that’s just for the crazy witch mom, not for the universe which is who is usually concerned with how girls look in cheerleading costumes. (forgive me, I have a stink about body standards)

“It’s so cool! You’re like a guy! My guy friend who knows about girls stuff!”

I like barbies as voodoo dolls. And I love the twist that Amy is super totally evil.

Ah! Xanders “you’re a guy” got turned around on him. Hurray!

OMG BODY SWAP! It’s the worst Freaky Friday but I approve of them surprising me with it. Great job Buffy!

You punched Willow out you bitch! Oh and Xander too but You PUNCHED her OUT. She’s so evil! OH CRAP NOW SHE HAS AN AXE!

So cute shy Giles so embarrassed about his first spell casting. Then Willow runs in with a bat. Yeah, I’m going to like this show I think.

and ep ends with psychological horror

4, Teacher’s Pet

Xander is struggling with his toxic masculinity standards. Apparently how many times he’s scored is up for debate so he has to go pretend to threeway to regain status in his alpha male society. Gag.

Meanwhile Angel is over here being perfect boyfriend material, super hot, wearing a white tank with blood all over his arms. He gives her his coat. Gag again! Lol. We’re hitting a very wide gamut here.

Xander falls for a woman who looks weirdly like the mom from the last episode.

Blane just sexually harassed his substitute teacher. I’m convinced now that last ep was fatshame episode, this ep is sexual aggression the episode.

“I’m gonna carb up for my one on one with Ms French this afternoon.” Ick gross much?

Evil sexy woman ate Dr. Gregory’s head b/c she’s a preying mantis. Being sexually attractive is a weapon women possess against men so desperate to fork a fertile woman that one of the characters is literally called the “fork guy” in this episode.

Someone give an emmy to the random bum.

Giles is not immune to sexy substitute, but he’s got enough sense to appreciate without turning into a blithering idiot.

Oh wait, Cordelia is still here for the body image hangups I see.

By the way, all this crit about alpha male/ femme fatale nonsense is not a crit on these characters, it’s a writing hangup. Plots, tropes, and cliches are those things b/c they’re over used and this is the late 90s after all.

“I understand, I met someone and you’re jealous.” Xander is projecting so hard as he’s on his way to fork his teacher, just saying.

Even if she wasn’t a praying mantis this woman needs to be arrested. She’s sexually harassing the hell out of this 16 year old boy as he stumbles all over himself trying to prove his societal preconception of masculinity. He was a half second away from doing the right thing and saying no to the hot woman b/c it’s bad touch 101 but then he got drugged and passed out. Close but no cigar, X.

Willow has had a crush on him this whole time. It wasn’t subtle at all.

I’m glad that Blaine is rightfully horrified by the concept of being raped and murdered. That’s the correct response. Write men who can think with more than their dicks. Men are well-rounded people too.

Mantis affects are “awesome” lol. Looks like someone I know.

(apparently it’s more than just a joke. That’s the same costume used for both shows. I snarked about it looking like Na’Grath and it actually IS Na’Grath. And the actress was in B5 as well... omg the blending of universes is starting. @bewareoftrees did I give you Babylon 5 or did you give ME Babylon 5? HAAAAH)

Willow talks about how nice it is that the boys are being conscious with their bodies and continue to proves that she’s the best. Also Dr. Gregory was a virgin I guess. Thank you, show, for not making a joke out of that.

Disk 1 Summary

It’s a fun show. It’s got some kinks to work out still but I can def see the promise. Will def keep watching.

#buffy the vampire slayer #jen watches #ep summaries #long post

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argocitycosplay · 6 years

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Last year I said it might be a while before I tried this one again. The crowds had become to much and honestly, that round trip to and from Chicago just about killed me. Still, It had been a chance to really cross a couple names off my bucket list and finally meet Simon Bamford (The last Cenobite from Hellraiser to elude me) as well as the unprecedented opportunity to chat with Andy Robinson (From both Hellraiser AND Deep Space 9). So what got me back to this show a second year in a row? First, one of my best friends had recently set up house in Chi-town, so I had a place to stay the weekend instead of doing the trip in a single day.

But more importantly, Clive Barker was coming.

Barker hasn’t done an appearance near me since I’ve been n the convention scene. He was scheduled at Horrorfind back around 2009, but both he and Ashley Lawrence cancelled for undisclosed reasons (So did Angus Scrimm for that matter, and the show shout down the next year. I’ve heard some shady things about it in the aftermath). A few years ago he was scheduled I believe for a Horrorhound (Or was it Flashback? I don’t think it was DOTD….), but that was when the heath issues took over and he cancelled a number of shows. For him to finally make a public appearance like this was definitely enough to make me brave the six and a half hour drive.

We pulled up to the convention center as the snow gently fell around us. It wasn’t a blizzard, but that white garbage sure did pile up around us fast. I know it’s November, but I don’t remember previous outings being this wintry. It’s not that big a deal, after all, DOTD has provided that wonderful overflow parking in the covered garage next door, but panels are held outside in a heated tent and you do have to walk from the hotel into the tent to get to them. It’s kind of a punch in the face, exiting the warm pool area only to be sucker punched by Jack Frost just outside the door.

Once we arrived, my friend Mike and I grabbed our prepaid wristbands and had about fifteen minuets before the doors opened. I always forget how long the admission line at this show gets and pre-registering was the best move I had made. We had enough time to nip off back to the car and grab a camera I had forgotten, then walk past the ticket line, right into the convention and straight over to Barker’s line. Even at open it was already begining to streatch out, but I looked over at Mike and told him “It will NEVER be this short again.”. I was correct. For most of the day, the queue ran around the corner and past the ticket tables.

Barker was late. The handler explained he’d just had breakfast and was making sure that his sugar was correct (Also mentioning that he was diabetic). About twenty minuets later the line began to move. Inside we were instructed “No personalizations. No photos at the table. Do not shake hands. He’ll give you a fist bump if you like.” It’s a little more than I’m used to at these things, but we rolled with it. Getting to say I fist bumped Clive Barker sounds way more fun than I shook his hand anyhow. He’s quiet. At times he almost looked bored, but mostly I was struck with how frail he looked. Far different than the interviews I had seen and more than a man in his fifties should. Inside his room, he had filled tables and walls with original artwork, books, apparel and photos. I saw a couple volumes I didn’t have and made note to look them up later when I had more money. I pointed out the hardcover of the Scarlet Gospels, noting I had been listening to the audiobook of this on the way up. Barker greeted me and my friend, signed my poster and I told him we’d see him later for a photo. He grinned with finger guns at me.

Our next task was to search out Ashley Lawrence. This was the first time I’d seen her make her way out to the midwest ina long time and she was another one I’d never met. Getting her on my Hellraiser posters would finish them (I don’t see Claire Higgens ever making it stateside). She was set up in a bad spot in one of the halls, creating a choke point in foot traffic, while at the same time somewhat concealing her (Particularly with the brighter Teriffier booth almost across from her).

Ashley is effervescent and charming, and the woman dosen’t age. She kept telling me my hat reminded her of a friend who always wears the same kind. Our photo came out bad and she teased me with a grin “Well don’t tilt you head so weird silly!”

I was pleased. We’d managed to grab both Clive and Ash before the Hellraiser panel that we now rushed off to. I was a little shocked then, when the moderator introduced Barbie Wilde, Nicholas Vance, Simon Bamford…and no one else. While it’s always fun to visit with them, we had this last year, with the addition of Dough Bradley and Andy Robinson. Perhaps it was presumptuous, but I had anticipated hearing from Clive and Ashley at this panel as well and found myself disappointed. We probably heard a couple new stories here, but at large, it felt like much of what we had seen the year previous.

Not so however, with the “Men behind the Mask” panel featuring Jason(s), Michael, and Art the Clown. Kane Hodder was in rare form at this one, wresting control from the moderator who just stared on in amused silence. We got fascinating stories in particular from Jim Winburn who has a long history as a stuntman and did falls in the original Halloween. David Thorton, a newcomer to the genre (fresh off his role as Art the Clown in “Terrifier”) was visibly delighted to be on stage with the others, laughing and sharing his experiences as a new movie monster. I’d actually waited to see this panel to kind of get to know David. I enjoyed Terrifier (and the 2013 anthology “All Hallows Eve” which no one seems to realize proceeded it) and think Art could be ne of the next horror icons, but it was the panel that made me want to meet Thorton. David is chipper and was fun to chat with. I’ve got experience and actual clown training, and it was interesting to compare our approaches to that kind of performance. As for the panel itself, “I was just so thrilled to be up there,” he told me.

We popped around the con, shopping, talking with people and playing with the monsters. Michael Myers in a Captain Kirk uniform was a BRILLIANT gag and he was delighted we got the joke.

“Guys like you are exactly who I do this for,” he exclaimed in satisfaction.

Moving on we grabbed a few more autographs and photos…but it’s not the same. I mentioned a few years ago the disturbing inflation creep I saw infiltrating Days of the Dead. It’s in full swing now. The handlers have become gatekeepers. They are in your face and you aren’t getting near the table without flashing some cash. $30 is the minimum for autographs (Many are more – and quite frankly, a lot of you B-listers don’t have any business charging that). Every table now charges extra to get a photo with a guest.That’s on top of the already high admission prices…

Guys, you’ve priced me out of the game.

I spent twice what I have in previous years, and it’s a drag. It’s almost stopped being fun. Between that and the overcrowding, unless there’s a bucket list guest (and that list is now pretty short), I think I’m done with Days of the Dead. It’s simply highly unlikely that I’ll be back.

A shame. It was fun while it lasted.

(Keep an eye on this blog. I think we’ll be doing a State of the Con pretty soon. Next years going to be different.)

Days of the Dead Chicago 2018 Last year I said it might be a while before I tried this one again. The crowds had become to much and honestly, that round trip to and from Chicago just about killed me.

#Clive Barker #Days of the Dead #Days of the Dead Chicago #Hellraiser

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