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Every Epic Rap Battle of History Ranked, Part 2

Part 1

57. Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny

Winner: Easter Bunny

Best line: "The Great Wall couldn't keep you out of China. Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina!"

Okay, okay, this is probably higher than it has any right to be, but damn it, I just love this pairing. You have a historical warlord famous for his brutality battling with a peaceful holiday icon for kids and I think the contrast is hilarious. It's nothing spectacular, but this has to be my favorite of season 1's "two completely random characters with no relation" battles.

56. Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder

Winner: Wonder Woman

Best line: "My rhymes are signed, sealed, and delivered on time. You're a bald has-been, I'm in my Amazon Prime!"

While I was always aware of Stevie Wonder's music, this battle actually made me look into it and appreciate it more. I love the touch of how Stevie's music style in this is a mix of his own as well as that of his actor, T-Pain. Also the quote above might just be one of my favorite lines in ERB history - I LOVE when a line can manage to mix in wordplay that relates to both rappers. Mwah, chef's kiss.

55. Master Chief vs Leonidas

Winner: Master Chief

Best line: "300 asses need a kickin'. Give more teebags than Lipton."

We're in the section of the list of good battles with nothing to really complain about, but also with nothing spectacular so there's not really much to say. I'm not a Halo guy so some of the references went over my head - I didn't get "You're the solider they need you to be" until looking it up just now, and yeah, that's a pretty funny line that I didn't appreciate when I was younger. It was also a good call to have Lloyd still be the voice of Leonidas but cast an actual muscular man to be the body actor; we definitely didn't need another Hulk Hogan muscle suit situation.

54. Goku vs Superman

Winner: Goku

Best line: "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end: One more Superman who's never gonna walk again."

Ray William Johnson was a great casting choice for Goku; he brings a lively and memorable performance to the show. Although I didn't think Goku was quite so angry? Idk, I'm also not a Dragon Ball guy (forgive me for being such an uncultured swine and not knowing a lot of these series). Lloyd's Superman is pretty basic by comparison; it gets the job done, but it's like Sinatra vs Mercury where it gets overshadowed hard by the other performer.

53. Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney

Winner: Mitt Romney

Best line: "Republicans need a puppet and you fit. Got their hand so far up your rear, call you Mitt."

Man, remember when we thought Mitt Romney was the worst the Republican party could throw at us? Simpler times, man. Simpler times. This battle is the most-viewed in ERB history, which I think is kinda weird since I feel like people were way more into the 2016 and 2020 elections overall. But this was also the first election battle, and when ERB was still a relatively new series, so maybe it was the novelty of it at the time. Or maybe because Obama and Romney were both more well-liked than Trump, Clinton, and Biden. I dunno, I'm getting off-track here.

I thought for years that this battle was pretty well-balanced in terms of not showing favoritism to one side, though I thought Romney's line "I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts" was a pretty biased writing choice. But it turns out that that's almost a direct quote from Romney himself, so uhh. I also love how both opponents break down into slinging childish insults at each other by the end, it really goes to show that it's not glorifying either candidate. And that's proven true by the iconic scene of Abe Lincoln coming down and bitchslapping them both. Classic.

The real Obama is known to have seen this battle too and apparently liked it given that he invited Peter and the actor who played Obama here to the White House, so that's neat.

52. John Wick vs John Rambo vs John McClane

Winner: John McClane

Best line: "And lighten up, Wick, with your brooding saga. How 'bout a little hakuna matata, Baba Yaga?"

This is the first and so far only battle that's a three-way fight from the start, so that really ensures that all three characters are given ample time to all diss each other. I like it! The highlight here is definitely Lloyd's McClane, he's a delight to watch, and he perfectly captures how McClane is the lighthearted everyman of the group. Zach's John Wick is no slouch either, capturing the cool seriousness of the character. Where this battle falls flat though, and the only reason it's not in A, is Peter's Rambo. It's trying to be funny and it's just… not really funny. It's the kind of Sylvester Stallone impression that would get a chuckle out of you if your high school friend did it in the halls, but it just feels out of place in a professional production like this.

I love the subtle ways the backing track changes between characters too, with McClane getting some sleigh bells added in for his part, Wick getting a deep synth noise, and Rambo getting some somber strings. Really nice stuff.

51. Artists vs TMNT

Winner: TMNT

Best line: "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude, 'Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."

My only complaint about this battle is that it's just too damn short. This would be a pretty short battle even by 1-on-1 standards, but when you have 8 separate characters, each one barely gets anything to say. But what's here is great. Rhett and Link and Smosh is a good pairing that gives a lot of energy to the artists, and the turtle suit that the team managed to make for the TMNT is great. When the only negative I can think of for a battle is that I wish there was more of it, you know it's a good battle.

A TIER

50. George Carlin vs Richard Pryor

Winner: Joan Rivers

Best line: "Now there's seven words you can't say on a TV set. But this is the pissin' fuckin' cuntin' internet!"

I'm realizing now how much work this entire thing is given how much I've written so far and we're only just now cracking the top 50. Still not even halfway there, damn. But anyway, this is a great tribute to a whole bunch of legendary comedians. It's a whole lot of fun to watch, and every performer captures the larger-than-life personalities on display. Lloyd's Robin Williams is a particular highlight. The only downside is Bill Cosby's part, it's not really funny and kinda just kills the pace. But it's thankfully short so it's not enough to ruin it.

49. Mario Bros vs Wright Bros

Winner: Wright Bros

Best line: "You might fly like a hawk, but you fight like a kitty!"

This was the first guest appearance of Rhett and Link and also the first 2-on-2 battle, and I think it does a really good job. Mario and Luigi are played absolutely nothing like their actual characters, but it's so far off that it's honestly hilarious.

48. David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini

Winner: David Copperfield

Best line: "My grand illusions make your parlor tricks irrelevant. The foot of Lady Liberty is stomping on your elephant."

Now THIS is a magician vs magician battle that actually lives up to the idea visually, eat your heart out, Gandalf vs Dumbledore. While Houdini is definitely the more interesting person to watch in this battle with all of the stunts he performs while rapping, I can't help but like Peter's silky smooth Copperfield voice, it's gotta be one of my favorite voices he's done.

47. Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers

Winner: Eastern Philosophers

Best line: "You tried to plant a new German psyche, but you just grew hate, me no Third Reichy!"

This is a very smartly-written battle, as it should be given the subject matter. Every philosopher gets a chance to sum up what they're all about, and the contrasts work perfectly - Lao Tzu's philosophy of letting life take you through its natural course vs Nietzsche saying you need to take control and fight for the life you want, and Confucius's teaching of respecting authority vs Voltaire's challenging of authority. …Socrates vs Sun Tzu doesn't really have a direct contrast like that, but hey, that's okay. You can tell a lot of research went into this one, and it's really worth looking into the meanings of the lyrics because some of it will definitely go over your head if you're not super into philosophy.

46. Blackbeard vs Al Capone

Winner: Al Capone

Best line: "You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine, if you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes."

Both Peter and Lloyd were clearly having fun with this one, they're both in their element when they're playing characters with big personalities and fun voices to imitate. The lyrics are great and dense too; this was the first battle of season 3 besides Vader vs Hitler 3, and I think season 3 is really when the series started hitting its stride with rappers' verses becoming longer and more packed with deeper meanings.

I only have two minor criticisms with this battle - first, Blackbeard's beard looks way too nice and clean, and it's especially apparent when Capone has a line about how dirty it is. Second, this video was sponsored by Assassin's Creed IV, which is all well and good, but forcing in a line about Edward Kenway and having him physically appear in the background really destroys my suspension of disbelief and dates the video hardcore. But neither of these things are enough to ruin an otherwise very good battle.

45. Rick Grimes vs Walter White

Winner: Walter White

Best line: "Ask Gus, you don't wanna face off against me."

Okay, so, confession time: I have not watched either of the shows that are represented in this battle (Breaking Bad is on my to-watch list though). And oops, this vid's got a lot of spoilers for both series. Ah well. Despite not knowing a whole lot about either universe, I still think this battle is a lot of fun to watch. I particularly love the detail of a zombie crossing into Walt's side and getting distracted by meth - touches like that to tie the worlds of the two rappers together are always a treat.

44. Darth Vader vs Hitler

Winner: Hitler

Best line: "You stink, Vader. Your style smells something sour. You need to wash up, dog. Here, step in my shower."

Here we go. While Lennon vs O'Reilly might have come first, I think we can all agree that this is the real start of ERB. This is what made the series into a viral sensation and it's not hard to see why. The novelty of seeing a historical figure battle his fictional equivalent in a rap battle of all things was something unseen up until that point, and it helps that the lyrics were incredibly clever to boot - in addition to the iconic quote above, who could forget "So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father". I'm sure Disney would like everyone to forget that the Stormtroopers were named after Hitler's troops, but this battle stands as an eternal reminder of that fact.

43. Mr. T vs Mr. Rogers

Winner: Mr. Rogers

Best line: "I'll say this once, Laurence. I hope it's understood: Get right back in your van and get the fuck out of my neighborhood."

Peter's acting here is pretty similar to how he portrayed Bob Ross, but his portrayal of Mr. Rogers easily wins in my mind for how much more savage the insults are. Even though Rogers definitely steals the show here, Mr. T also manages to be very entertaining. It's hilarious how he's screaming at Rogers the whole time while Rogers consistently keeps his cool while hurling passive-aggressive lines.

Also, whew! We're officially halfway done with this list!

42. Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin

Winner: Steve Irwin

Best line: "I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub dude. The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!"

This battle's an interesting role reversal - usually it's Lloyd portraying the grumpy character and Peter portraying the lively one. But it goes to show that the two of them have the acting chops to go either way. Especially Lloyd, he's really entertaining when he can let his silliness out. I love how in the part where Steve is pointing to Jacques and talking about him like he's a wild animal, you can tell Peter is holding in laughter.

41. Tony Hawk vs Wayne Gretzky

Winner: Wayne Gretzky

Best line: "You and I have so many world records between us. 184, that's plenty of 'em… and I set 183 of 'em!"

This is a very slept-on battle, being the lowest-viewed of any of the pre-hiatus battles (though 18 million views still certainly ain't bad). I still remember my first time watching this battle as someone who didn't really know anything about Wayne Gretzky aside from "he was a hockey player", my jaw fucking dropped at that world records line. Absolutely killer setup and execution.

40. Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Best line: "I don't mind that you're naughty, Jack. I hate that you're sloppy."

I can't imagine that this one was particularly easy to write for given the very little we know about Jack the Ripper. I was gonna say, "Oh this battle was made before we knew his true identity", but apparently it's still not really agreed upon who he really was and the mystery gets "solved" again and again every few years. Anyway, Lloyd is great as Hannibal, his faces and mannerisms are perfect, and Dan Bull provides an interesting interpretation of the type of person Jack may have been. I love that Jack spends his entire first verse purely hyping himself up and Hannibal calls him out on being a narcissist, it's something that kinda shocks you as a viewer cause it's something you probably don't even notice on the first viewing, and you're also not expecting the video itself to point it out. It really sells the "Hannibal is one step ahead" kind of vibe.

39. Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula

Winner: Vlad the Impaler

Best line: "Imagine forests of corpses dripping on a buffet. You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday."

Vlad the Impaler is probably the single most cold, brutal character ERB has ever had, and Lloyd gets some truly bone-chilling line deliveries in as him. Peter's Dracula is great too, the whole thing of a killer with class being disgusted by a killer who's just trying to be vicious actually makes it quite similar to Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal now that I think about it.

38. Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong

Winner: Babe Ruth

Best line: "So c'mon, little buddy, don't look so pissed. With all that blood and attitude, you're like a menstrual cyclist."

Like Hawk vs Gretzky, this is another athlete vs athlete video, and you'd expect the odds to immediately be stacked against Armstrong by virtue of the fact that you have a known cheater going up against an athlete with integrity. But Armstrong actually manages to put up a damn good rebuttal, taking shots at Ruth's personal life instead. I still think Ruth won, but both rappers actually manage to knock it out of the park, pun entirely intended.

Also unrelated to the battle itself but I've always thought the face Lloyd makes in the thumbnail of this one makes him look like James Rolfe.

37. James Bond vs Austin Powers

Winner: James Bond (modern)

Best line: "After 24 films, I'm still reaching new heights. Your third movie died, guess you only live twice."

I've always kinda wondered why Peter was cast as Austin Powers in this, I think Lloyd looks a lot more like Mike Myers. I guess they didn't want to have a battle where Peter is completely excluded while Lloyd gets to play two characters. That being said, Peter does nail the Austin Powers impression, so it's all good. This battle's a really cool concept, a character rapping against their own parody version, and then an earlier version of the character comes in and disses on their modern version. The battle does basically cease to be about Austin Powers at that point, but I think it works because neither version of Bond considers him a serious opponent.

This battle is loaded with great lines too - in addition to the quote above, we also have "I'm licensed to kill, you couldn't get a learner's permit", "Spell my name, all the ladies wanna B on D, any sex appeal you might have is beyond me", "I only need one round, golden gun", and "I don't need a Q to break your balls". Brilliantly clever writing.

I will say that the background effects for modern Bond, while they definitely do look cool, are a bit too much to the point of being distracting. Maybe it was a deliberate choice to contrast with classic Bond though, as a way to convey that the modern Bond films are a lot more about flashy spectacle than the more grounded stories the early films had, I dunno.

36. Mozart vs Skrillex

Winner: Skrillex

Best line: "I attack, you decay, can't sustain my releases! Sidechain, Wolfgang! Bangarang you to pieces!"

This battle is everything that Bieber vs Beethoven should have been - a battle between a modern musician and a classical one that actually gives the modern one a fighting chance. Plus it actually changes the background music to match the style of whoever's rapping! This battle is great, no real notes here. Mozart's line about "in two more months the world will forget about your Skrill-excrement" has aged pretty well too given how Skrillex's star has definitely faded since this video's release.

This battle is also notable for being the only one where a real person that was portrayed in an ERB has actually performed it themselves! Skrillex, obviously, not Mozart. The real Skrillex actually came out as a surprise guest appearance in a live performance of the song and helped Lloyd finish it out. I admit, I didn't really know what Skrillex actually looked like, but seeing him side-by-side with Lloyd in costume, yeah, the team nailed his look.

35. Ragnar Lodbrok vs Richard the Lionheart

Winner: Ragnar Lodbrok

Best line: "Your son killed your ex, your ex killed your wife. I'm the Lion King, man, but that's a messed-up circle of life."

This is what I love about ERB, man. I had never even heard of either of these historical figures before this battle, but I watched it, loved the song, got curious what all the lyrics meant, did research on both men, and then went back and rewatched the video with the new knowledge to catch all the references. ERB is truly at its best when it's making learning fun.

Interestingly, the reason this battle was even made in the first place was because the mobile game that sponsored it reached out to Peter and Lloyd and asked if they would make a battle between two of the historical figures in their game in exchange for the sponsorship. Given that the battle was effectively made as an ad for a mobile game, it's shocking how good it turned out. You'd really never know that's how it came to be just looking at the end product.

34. Darth Vader vs Hitler 2

Winner: Darth Vader

Best line: "Roar like Chewbacca, the voice of Mufasa, I'm on the leader of your limp-dicked Luftwaffe!"

And here we go, the second of the Vader vs Hitler trilogy is easily the best one. I feel like it struck the perfect balance - it was bigger and more epic than the first while not feeling fatigued on the idea like the third. Season 2 kicked off with this and you could immediately tell the jump in production quality from season 1. This video had an intro and everything, continuing off from Hitler being frozen in carbonite from the first battle. It's great, what else can I say?

33. Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe

Winner: Marilyn Monroe

Best line: "You still got no children after your third marriage. You lost so many babies, we should call you Miss Carriage!"

This was the first battle where neither Peter nor Lloyd play one of the rappers, even though it is not the first female-on-female battle (but we don't talk about Gaga vs Palin). But both performers do a stellar job; I love how Marilyn's demeanor goes from the giggling flirtiness we know her for to becoming increasingly pissed off and hysterical as Cleopatra hurls more and more insults at her (Marilyn's "Translate this into hieroglyphs: Your sandy vagina has a seven-year itch" would have won best line were it not for the sheer brutality of the Miss Carriage line). And getting a professional dancer to portray Cleopatra was a great choice; she's still one of the most visually interesting rappers to have ever been on the series. And no, I don't just mean that in an ogling way.

Also, I think this is the only battle where the same person starts it and closes it out? Which does lead to Cleopatra feeling like she doesn't get as much screen time, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker.

32. Moses vs Santa Claus

Winner: Moses

Best line: "It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass. You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass."

This battle was definitely meant to be a stand-in for Jesus vs Santa; that was the matchup we all really wanted to see. But someone somewhere must have gotten cold feet about dissing a figure that millions worship, so Jesus got swapped out for someone Jesus-adjacent. Hey, I'm a Christian, and I know I still would have found a Jesus rap battle hilarious.

But whatever, even though it's not exactly what we wanted, what we did get was still great. The fact that they actually managed to get motherfucking Snoop Dogg as a guest star because he happened to be using the same studio as ERB at the time still blows my mind; I don't think any guest star is ever gonna top that. And they certainly had some fun with having him on board - I love that they managed to make jokes referencing him while still being appropriate for Moses, like "smoking all that burning bush", or "so much drama in the IsraeL B.C.". This is a battle that just always puts a smile on my face.

31. Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison

Winner: Nikola Tesla

Best line: "I don't alternate my flow, I diss you directly!"

I love how this battle really leans into how we now perceive Tesla and Edison, with Tesla being a hero for the people and Edison as the greedy villain who kept him down. Good stuff. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one, it's just a good battle with two very memorable personalities, and Peter's Tesla voice is very pleasant to listen to. And of course, the electric synth in the background track was a must.

30. JRR Tolkien vs George RR Martin

Winner: George RR Martin

Best line: "All your bad guys die and your good guys survive. We can tell what's gonna happen by page and age five!"

All right, so, I ain't the most well-versed in the fantasy genre, but I still really like this one. The underlying argument between the two men here is something I've seen time and time again on the internet - "happy endings are boring and predictable" versus "eschewing happy endings just for the sake of it isn't automatically good". It makes for good battle fodder. Also I just love Lloyd's performance here - it's so loud and boisterous, and his "No he didn't!" is A+.

Okay folks, click here for the third and final part as we rank the best of the best!

#epic rap battles of history #erb

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pcwpolwrestling · 10 months ago

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PCW Rewind: Extreme Election Night 2012

PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, OH Tuesday November 6th, 2012 Host: Johnny Suave

Johnny Suave and his life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

Loud crowd chant of ‘PCW…PCW…PCW.’ Suave and Shania are in the ring.

Suave- HELLO AND WELCOME TO P-C-W EX-TREEEEEME ELECTION NIGHT 2012!

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Suave- I am Johnny Suave, the Voice of PCW. This smoking hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain. Tonight, Barack Obama (D-IL) find out if he will have a second four term as PCW CEO. Opposing him, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA).

Suave runs down the card one last time:

Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D) Montana- Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester (D) Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D) Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D) Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D) Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Women’s Title Match: Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

PCW Title Match: Triple R (D) © vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Suave- Last night on PCW Extreme Political TV, this went down…

“No Frills’ Chris Escondido Addresses the Independents Escondido says that both the Republicans and Democrats have disrespected independents for years even though they are the ones the power- the ones who swing elections. He notes that there’s a disagreement between the Dawn McGill-William Daniels Bryan factions and tonight is going to settle all issues. Tomorrow night is PCW Extreme Election Night and Independents will be there in force.

Bryan vs. McGill for the Heartland Title Bryan again used his wrestling skills to get McGill grounded yet again. McGill kicked at him but Bryan first locked in a figure four and then the LaBell Lock. This time McGill found herself in the middle of the ring and out of arm’s reach of the ropes. This time, McGill had no choice but to tap out.

WINNER AND NEW HEARTLAND TITLE CHAMPION: William Daniels Bryan @ 8:15

McGill handed the belt to Bryan and then raised his arm in the air. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido then joined them along with the rest of the PCW Independents.

Suave- So the Platte Populist William Daniels Bryan is the new Heartland Champion and it appears “No Frills” Chris Escondido is the de facto leader of the Independents. Will the Independents swing the results here tonight?

Voice- NO!

Out runs Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver holding a huge binder of paper.

Nate Silver- This is proof that Barack Obama will be re-elected PCW CEO! The Independents don’t mean anything. This does. It’s all about science and numbers- something the Republicans don’t understand. Mark my words. When tonight’s show is done- Barack Obama will be the next PCW CEO.

Then David Axelrod (D) saunters out.

David Axelrod- I’ll go one step further. If Obama loses tonight, I’ll shave my mustache off.

Suave- There you have it. Axelrod has put his mustache up as a guarantee that Barack Obama will win tonight.

Suave- Let’s head to the ring for our first match of the night.

Match 1: Jeff Flake (R-AZ) vs. Rich Carmona (D-AZ) Arizonians Flake and Carmona are both first time participants in PCW and vying for retiring Jon Kyl‘s (R-AZ) spot on the PCW Competition Committee.

The big issue over the upcoming match? Carmona tried to imply that ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (R-AZ) and Kyl endorsed him instead of Flake.

Suffice to say, neither McCain nor Kyl were amused and set out to make clear that they were and will be in Flake’s corner.

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall

Marshall does the introductions and indeed, both the Straight Shooter John McCain and Jon Kyl are in Flake’s corner. The bell rings and the match is underway.

Flake and Carmona hook up in the middle of the ring. Flake shoves Carmona down and sets up for an Elbow Drop… BOOM.. Then another Elbow Drop… BOOM. Carmona comes back with a back breaker on Flake and then tries an early elbow submission. Flake escapes and gets dropped by a slingshot elbow. Carmona applies the camel clutch but Flake escapes to the floor. Flake catches Carmona climbing out of the ring with a low blow. Carmona goes down. Flake grabs Carmona’s shoulders, turns him around, and boots him in the ass. Flake follows with an open hand chop.

Flake rolls Carmona back into the ring and continues to work him over, but Carmona regains control by whipping Flake into the corner. Carmona retrieves Flake and applies an overhead wrist lock but Flake muscles Carmona to the corner to break the hold. Carmona heads up top. Flake tries to knock him off the turnbuckle, but Carmona takes the arm and slaps on the cross arm breaker while hanging over the top rope.

Carmona releases the hold and slides back into the ring. He whips Flake to the corner and charges in. Flake floats over into a roll-up pin and gets a two count. Both men get back to their feet, but Carmona regains control and repeatedly punches Flake’s arm. Carmona tries for another over-the-top-rope cross arm breaker but Flake blocks. Carmona goes for a back breaker / neck breaker combo, but Flake counters with a drop kick. Flake tries another drop kick but Carmona catches Flake’s leg and drops to his knees to hyperextend the knee. Carmona wrenches the injured leg around the second rope. Flake tries to get away, but Carmona grabs the injured leg and pulls him down to the mat. Carmona locks in a single leg Boston crab on the injured leg right in the middle of the ring.

Flake tries to crawl toward the ropes, but Carmona pulls him back to the middle of the ring. Out of nowhere, Jon Kyl jumps into the ring and kicks Carmona. Then John McCain comes in and…LOW BLOWS CARMONA! Carmona drops to his knees. Flake hits a basement dropkick and covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: Jeff Flake (R-AZ)

Suave- John McCain and Jon Kyl come through for Jeff Flake and he wins here at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012!

Outside PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s Office Two guards stand outside.

Suave- Four years ago, Bubba Jackson announced to the political wrestling world that Barack Obama would follow George W. Bush as the next PCW CEO. Tonight, will he keep Obama on for another four years? Or will he choose Mitt Romney? Stay tuned. Let’s go back to the ring.

Match #2 Linda McMahon (R-CT) vs. Chris Murphy (D-CT) Two years ago, Linda McMahon (R-CT), wife of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon took on Dick Blumenthal (D-CT) at PCW Extreme Election Night 2010 for a spot on the PCW Executive Committee. Despite McMahon’s wrestling pedigree, she would come up short in the political wrestling arena when her son-in-law, world famous pro wrestler Paul Levesque(Triple H in WWE) accidently clocked her with a sledgehammer.

Now, McMahon is back and this time Vince McMahon himself will be on hand to finish the job his son-in-law couldn’t two years ago, get Linda McMahon on the PCW Executive Committee.

In her way, Democrat Chris Murphy. Can he overcome the forces of pro wrestling’s most dominant personality- Vince McMahon? Or will the McMahon family roll past Murphy?

Vince McMahon, Paul Levesque, and Stephanie McMahon-Levesque join Linda McMahon at ringside. Vince immediately starts talking to the referee as the match begins. Linda tries to connect with a knee but Murphy moves back. McMahon knifehand chops Murphy. Murphy throws McMahon off the ropes and hits a diving shoulder block. Murphy goes to follow up but Vince McMahon trips him up.

Suave- Are here we go. I still can’t believe that the chairman of the WWE, Vince McMahon, is here in PCW.

Murphy moves back to his feet and glares at McMahon. Murphy goes for a body slam but McMahon slips out. Murphy puts McMahon in the hangman submission. Vince in the ring and pulls Murphy off. Vince clocks Murphy with a closed fist and the referee literally has to pull him off. Vince is sent out of the ring but he stays on the apron and continues a running dialogue with the referee.

Suave- I think he’s saying that’s not how they do things in the WWE.

McMahon hits Murphy with a elbow smash to the face. McMahon knees Murphy and lifts him for a powerslam- but she’s not strong enough to lift Murphy. McMahon goes for a hiptoss but is unable to lift Murphy. McMahon bites Murphy’s arm. Vince throws a chair in the ring. McMahon opens up the chair…Murphy into the ropes…drop toe hold onto the open chair! McMahon stands up. McMahon with an armdrag. Murphy powers up and then they lockup. Murphy whips McMahon to the corner of the ring. Meanwhile, Vince McMahon continues a running commentary to the referee who appears to be getting tired of it.

McMahon jabs Murphy. Murphy comes back with a swinging DDT and covers. 1…2…Vince in and makes the save. Vince with the chair. *WHAP* Murphy’s down. Linda’s not in a position to make the cover. And the referee stops the match.

Suave- WHAT IS HE DOING? HE’S SENDING THE McMAHON FAMILY TO THE BACK!

The crowd roars and Vince is livid. Levesque in the ring and he lets the referee have it. Finally, PCW security intervenes and escorts the McMahons to the back.

Suave- Wow, I’ve never seen anything like that before.

Murphy clotheslines Linda McMahon. He then goes with a double underhook and piledrives her right into the mat. Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Chris Murphy (D)

Suave- Chris Murphy with the win here and…WATCH OUT!

Vince McMahon is back and he decks the referee. PCW security again swarm to the ring and McMahon is escorted out of the arena.

Suave-More Extreme Election Night after this.

PCW’s Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein…

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein

…interviews world famous swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen.

Chrissy Teigen

Teigen tells Bernstein that she’s glad to be at PCW Extreme Election Night to lend her support to Barack Obama.

This causes some of the more rabid Republicans in the crowd to start booing. Teigen smiles through it and continues the interview with Bernstein.

The nastiness continues and finally, Kathryn Randall Collins (D), Code Pink (D), and Emily S List (D) come out.

Code Pink- This is proof that the Republicans are waging a war against women!

The Democrats cheer while the Republicans boo.

Then actress Melissa Joan Hart walks out.

Melissa Joan Hart

She tells the crowd that she supports Mitt Romney and that sometimes you have to agree to disagree.

Now it’s the Republicans who cheer while the Democrats are silent. Code Pink and List look at each other. Then they attack Hart.

Suave- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

PCW Champion Jill Berg (R) runs in and runs off both Code Pink and Emily S List.

Match #3 PCW Women’s Title Match: Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

The phenomenon known as Jill Berg comes into PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 as a successful businesswoman and one woman force of political destruction. She faces young C.J. Lewis. Lewis, a former waitress at Hooter’s, charged up to the top of the Democratic ranks by defeating long time standard bearer Kathryn Randall Collins to gain a shot at the PCW Women’s title against Berg.

Democrats want this match badly to continue their ‘Republican‘s War Against Women’ mantra. Can Lewis overcome her lack of experience and pull off an upset win over Berg?

Lewis in the ring, ready to go.

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd roars.

Suave: “THAT’ SOUND! IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE PERSON!”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.

The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry.

Suave: “IT’S PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION- JILL BERG!”

The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

Berg hits the ring, warmed up and ready to go after the earlier altercation.

The bell rings and Berg wastes no time going on the attack. Reverse neckbreaker to Lewis followed by a rolling elbow smash. Lewis gets hit with a diving elbow smash and the women’s champion is on fire. At ringside, Code Pink and Emily S List watch as Berg spinkicks Lewis. C.J. pokes Berg in the eyes to relieve the pressure. C.J. with a neck scissors but Berg mule kicks her and sends her sprawling. Berg rolls onto Lewis connecting with a knee. Code Pink and List interfere and hit a doubleteam gutbuster on the women’s champion. C.J. Lewis gets back to her feet and stares down Code Pink and List. Berg pops back up and throws her into the turnbuckle. Berg follows up and smashes Lewis��s head into the corner turnbuckle.

Double axhandle chop from Berg. Running neckbreaker drop takes C.J. down hard. Berg locks Lewis in the kneebar but she escapes. Berg then tosses Lewis out of the ring. Berg rams Lewis into the corner turnbuckle and the challenger gets a cut as a result. Berg goes for a belly-to-back superplex but Lewis slips out. Berg instead hits the jumping sidekick on Lewis.

Suave- So far, Jill Berg’s experience is way too much for the youngster C.J. Lewis.

Back in the ring, Lewis gets hit with a diving elbow smash. Berg moves in for the kill but Lewis bites her arm out of desparation. C.J. whips Berg off the ropes and hits a diving shoulder block. Lewis with a headbutt and then a short lariat takes the women’s champion down.

Berg spins and hits Lewis with a back fist. C.J. whipped hard off the ropes into a clothesline. Diving elbow smash follows. Berg grabs C.J.’s head and slams her face into the turnbuckle. She goes to do it again but this time, Lewis blocks and then drives Berg’s head into the turnbuckle. Belly-to-belly superplex by Lewis.

Suave- Now the challenger coming back!

Bridging back suplex by Lewis. She covers…1…2…shoulder up. Lewis chants start. Lewis with the body slam. Cover…1…2…shoulder up again. Berg rakes her fingers across C.J.’s back. Code Pink and Emily S List again attack. Doubleteam backbreak to the champion. Code Pink is going for the Glitter Bomb but wait?

Melissa Joan Hart in the ring with a steel chair. *WHAP* Down goes Code Pink. *WHAP* Down goes List. Lewis distracted. Berg back up and chops Lewis. Berg takes a step back…SPEAR! She takes a step back…SPINNING HEEL KICK! Berg lifts Lewis over her shoulder…JACKHAMMER SLAM! Cover. Referee counts. …1 …2 …3!

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Jill Berg ®

Suave- UNBELIEVABLE! CODE PINK AND EMILY S LIST ARE GOING TO BE PISSED WHEN THEY FIND OUT THEY’VE COST C.J. LEWIS THE MATCH! HELL, LEWIS IS GOING TO BE PISSED!

Lewis stands up and glares at both Code Pink and List after the match.

MATCH #4 Denny Rehberg (R-MT) vs. Jon Tester (D-MT)

Rehberg and Tester will meet in what has been a hotly competitive run up to their Extreme Election Night match.

Tester is the incumbent member of the PCW Executive Committee while Rehberg currently holds a spot on PCW’s Competition Committee. This is expected to be a knock down, drag out affair with both men seemingly equally matched.

The difference maker in the match could be a third man- Libertarian Dan Cox. Will Cox be a spoiler and help Tester pull out the win?

Tester starts by bouncing Reiberg off the ropes and clotheslining him. Tester puts Reiberg in an arm grapevine submission but Reiberg pokes Tester in the eyes to escape. Reiberg gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Tester comes over and rams Reiberg’s head into the corner turnbuckle. Tester goes for a DDT. But Reiberg stands up and hits Tester with the belly-to-belly suplex. Reiberg measures Tester up and drops a closed fist. Then Reiberg whips him out of the ring.

Tester climbs back up onto the ring apron, but Reiberg kicks him back down to the arena floor. Reiberg follows Tester to the outside. Tester whips Reiberg into the ring steps. Reiberg gets back to his feet, but Tester attacks again and rolls Reiberg back into the ring.

Dan Cox (L) now walking to the ring.

Tester locks in a rear chin lock in the middle of the ring. Boot the face by Tester and a cover for a two count. Tester works over Reiberg. Cox comes out and tries to stun gun Reiberg. Reiberg reverse and slings Cox out of the ring. Tester bails out too and REIBERG DIVES OUT ON BOTH OF THEM!

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Cox tries to run Reiberg into the post. Reiberg reverses. He whips Cox into the ring post. Cox stops in his tracks but Reiberg dropkicks him from behind, sending him hard into the steel!

Crowd- PCW! PCW! PCW!

Back in the ring, Tester hits a few suplexes. Reiberg spins out of a tilt a whirl attempt by Tester and dropkicks him. Tester with a lariat and goes to Irish whip him into the ropes but Reiberg headbutts him and gets free. He goes for the splash off the top but Tester moves to safety. Reiberg surprises Tester with a low blow and rolls-up Tester- he kicks out. Tester pops up ready to go but Reiberg hits him with the DDT! TESTER KICKS OUT AGAIN! Cox comes in to go after Reiberg but HITS TESTER BY ACCIDENT! REIBERG PINS BUT TESTER KICKS OUT AGAIN.

Reiberg brawls with Cox to the outside. By the time he returns to the ring, Tester’s had way too much time to recover. Tester in control and throws Reiberg into the railing. Tester suplexes the actual railing back onto Reiberg.

Crowd- HOLY ****! HOLY ****!

Tester drags Reiberg back to the ring. Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Jon Tester (D)

Republican War Room Republican Leader Reince Priebus anxiously paces back and forth while his pollsters crunch the numbers.

Both Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH) burst into the room.

McConnell- Jesus, we’re getting killed out there, Reince! I thought this was in the bag.

Preibus- That’s what I was told.

Boehner- Now I’m hearing rumors that PCW Owner Bubba Jackson is seriously favoring returning Barack Obama for another four year term as PCW CEO.

Preibus- We’re working on it.

The pollsters hits the phones and try to find out just what the hell is going on.

Suave- So far, the Democrats have the upper hand and this next match is crucial. Let’s go to the ring.

Match 5: Sherrod Brown (D-OH) vs. Josh Mandel (R-OH)

Six years ago at Extreme Election Night 2006, Sherrod Brown (D-OH) was the outsider taking on entrenched Mike DeWine (R-OH) for a berth on the PCW Executive Committee.

Now the tables have turned and Brown is the insider trying to fight off the challenge of young Josh Mandel (R-OH) and keep his seat. Can Brown’s experience and guile overcome Mandel’s youthfulness? The run up has been harsh and contentious and the match at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 promises to be the same.

Kimber Marshall makes the introductions. Former PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) join Sherrod Brown at ringside and they taunt the young Mandel before the bell rings.

Brown immediately on the offense and places Mandel on the turnbuckle. Front-layout superplex. Mandel tries a spinning leg lariat on Brown who ducks it. Brown hits Mandel with the double arm DDT into the mat and then connects with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Brown climbs to his feet and covers Mandel hooking the leg …1 …2 Mandel kicks out. Brown grabs Mandel and applies an arm wrench. Brown covers Mandel. …1 …2 Mandel kicks out again. Brown hits the German Suplex on Mandel. He knees Mandel and rolls him out of the ring into the waiting arms of Big Union.

Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker work Mandel over. Brown joins in and elbows the midsection. Big Labor lifts Mandel up…powerbomb through a table.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Big Labor rolls Mandel back into the ring. Brown makes the academic cover…1..2…3.

WINNER: Sherrod Brown (D)

Nate Silver runs out and shouts that “he was right,” “he was right.” Suave reminds everyone that we won’t know until later on who will be the PCW CEO.

Suave- The Democrats pick up another one as Brown’s experience rules the day.

‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor gets on the mic after the match.

Big Labor- Scott Walker’s Rangers! Did you see what happened here? This is going to happen to you!

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon tries to get to PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office but security blocks his way.

McMahon- DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M VINCE ******* McMAHON! I’VE MADE MORE MONEY OFF PRO WRESTLING IN ONE HOUR THEN THIS PIECE OF **** POLITICAL FEDERATION WILL EVER MAKE IN IT’S LIFETIME. THERE’S-

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall. He grabs McMahon by the hair…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

MATCH #6 Claire McCaskill (D-MO) vs. Todd Akin (R-MO)

In Missouri, Claire McCaskill (D-MO) is defending her spot on the PCW Executive against challenger Todd Akin (R-MO).

Early on, the conventional wisdom was that McCaskill was vulnerable. However, once Akin opened up a big can of controversy over his ‘legitimate rape’ remarks, McCaskill has climbed back into the contest. Can McCaskill close the deal or will Akin somehow manage to overcome his own missteps to win a spot on the Executive Committee.

McCaskill walked out, kicked Akin in the balls. Akin to the mat. McCaskill nailed him again in the balls. Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Claire McCaskill (D)

Once again, Nate Silver runs out and shouts “I told ya! I told ya!”

Backstage Claire McCaskill high fives an aide as she makes her to the back. She’s confronted by Richard Mourdock (R-IN).

Mourdock- I can’t believe you did that to him.

Replay: McCaskill vs. Akin McCaskill walked out, kicked Akin in the balls. Akin to the mat. McCaskill nailed him again in the balls. Cover…1…2…3.

Mourdock- That was totally not called for. Totally not- OOOF.

McCaskill splits the uprights with a well placed kick and drops Mourdock.

Republican Locker Room “The Mastermind” Karl Rove, as always, pointing to his temple to make sure everyone realizes he’s a f****** genius, is doing his best to keep a semblance of order.

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Suave- Yeah, good luck with that.

Democratic Locker Room Talking with Stephanie Cutter, David Axelrod isn’t nearly as concerned about the welfare of his mustache as he was earlier in the night.

Axelrod- It’s time to unleash the GOTV.

Suave- We’re ready for our next match and it should be a good one.

Match #7 Tim Kaine (D-VA) vs. George Allen (R-VA) George Allen (R-VA) lost a tough match six years ago at Extreme Election Night 2006 to James Webb (D-VA).

Tonight, Allen looks to return to the PCW Executive Committee as he takes on former Democratic Leader Tim Kaine (D-VA). This will be another bellwether match to gauge whether the Republicans will regain control of the Executive Committee and there’s a lot riding on the result.

Suave- I’m not sure if it’s as much of a bellwether now. It’s clear the Democrats are going to hold the PCW Executive Committee and the Republicans the Competition Committee.

Following Kimber Marshall’s introductions, the bell rings. Kaine comes out on fire and nails Allen repeatedly with right hands. Allen whipped into the corner. Kaine places Allen on the turnbuckle- front-layout suplex. Kaine gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Allen. Kaine sweeps Allen’s leg and rolls onto him with a knee. Allen gets right up and nails Kaine with an inverted DDT. He sends Kaine to ringside and follows. Allen throws a chair at Kaine. High crossbody by Allen. Kaine punched in the gut but Kaine comes back with a rake to the eyes and heads back to the ring. Allen follows but gets pulled back to the floor by the Democrats GOTV (Grapple to Total Victory)- consisting of Bain and Paddy O’Kennedy.

Hey, it was the best we could come up with.

Bain lifts Allen and hits a running powerbomb through a table.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Bain and O’Kennedy roll Allen back into the ring. Belly to belly by Kaine. Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Tim Kaine (D)

Nate Silver again runs out to proclaim that “he was right.”

Republican Locker Room ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove can’t believe it. Republican Leader Reince Preibus can’t believe it. He again turns to the pollsters.

Preibus – What’s going on here?

Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly walks in.

O’Reilly- I’ll tell you what’s going on. You’re getting your ass kicked.

Preibus- Where are the Independents?

BACKSTAGE Speaking of PCW’s Independent/Unaffiliated contingent, they enter through a back door into Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon led by ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan.

An aide comes up to Escondido and tells him that Barack Obama wants to talk with him. Escondido nods and leaves with the aide while Bryan, Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and Ken Worth- The American Trucker wait.

Suave- Here are the Black Swamp Pirates!”

The crowd stands and cheers as the Pirates come out and plug themselves in. The lead singer, Junior Jackson, strums his acoustic guitar and steps up to the mic.

Jackson- Y’all know this one. This is our ode to Keith Olbermann. It’s called ‘Keith.’ Jackson (sings): Keith, you hit it big at ESPN But then your tenure there came to an abrupt end I know it seems so silly They won’t let you back in the building Even when you went back, and worked for them again

“Keith, you didn’t let them keep you down So you traveled on from town to different town Fox Sports didn’t work out well MSNBC the first time was hell Cause Bill Clinton, and Monica was going down “But on Countdown, you found the thing that finally worked So you became even more of an overbearing elitist jerk And now you just don’t care Compared to you Fox News is balanced and fair And you make good ol’ Ann Coulter seem almost moderate to us

All right, let’s go now…

(Big Chorus)

“Keith You’re the hero of the left. And the cultural elitists Who think they’re better than the rest With your furrowed brow Your mocking smile Special Comments serious and terse I might be the worst person in the world But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

Jackson- All right, everyone follow the bouncing ball and sing along!

"Keith You’re the hero of the left. And the cultural elitists Who think they’re better than the rest With your furrowed brow Your mocking smile And Special Comments serious and terse I might be the worst person in the world But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe You said, I was the worst person in the world But you’re still the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd give them a standing ovation. Johnny Suave even gives them a standing ovation.

Match #8- Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) vs. Scott Brown (R-MA) Two years ago, Brown (R-MA) upset Martha Coakley (D-MA) for a spot on the PCW Executive Committee. This year, he finds himself in a battle royale with challenger Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).

Warren, who has Democratic political wrestling stalwarts Code Pink and Emily S List in her corner, is pushing hard to return the Massachusett’s seat back to the Democrats.

Can Brown hold off Warren’s challenge? Will Warren pick off a seat the Republicans need to take back control of the PCW Executive Committee? We’ll find out in just four days at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

Warren trips up Brown and then hits a corkscrew legdrop. Brown climbs to his feet and kicks Warren in the groin. She drops like a shot.

Suave- HOLY CRAP! DID HE JUST DO WHAT I THOUGHT HE DID?

Warren jumps back up and kicks Brown in the groin just as the Democratic GOTV hits the ring again. Bain bounces Brown off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Paddy O’Kennedy gives Brown a reverse neckbreaker. Bain nails Brown with a huge slingshot sommersault splash.

Suave- The Democrat’s GOTV is kicking ass. Where’s the Republican answer?

Republican Locker Room Reince Preibus is talking with a rather large gentleman…as in really large.

Preibus- ORCA. I need you to get in there and take out the GOTV.

ORCA nods and lumbers out the door.

Back ringside, Brown brawls outside with O’Kennedy but not for long. Bain sets up a pair of chairs in the ring and powerbombs Brown on them. Warren brings a table into play. Belly to belly from Bain sends Brown through the table.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

REPUBLICAN LOCKER ROOM Preibus is furious.

Preibus- Where the **** is ORCA?

Cut to…

CONCESSION STAND ORCA’s patiently waiting in line at the ice cream stand.

REPUBLICAN LOCKER ROOM Preibus- SON OF A BITCH!

Back in the ring, Bain rolls what’s left of Brown in and Warren makes the academic cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) join Warren and the GOTV in the ring to celebrate.

And yes, Nate Silver again runs out and…yeah.

At ringside, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews is just giddy as the Democrats not only hold the PCW Executive Committee but Barack Obama appear to be on the verge of a second term as PCW CEO.

Matthews- Thank God that hurricane came along!

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!

Matthews- NO! I didn’t mean it like that!

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down to ringside. Matthews tries to run for it but WTF grabs him by the hair…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

BACKSTAGE

PCW’s Towel Boy returns from cleaning the ring ropes and jokes that the Republicans are as dead as the Los Angeles Lakers.

Suddenly, Kobe Bryant walks in and…

Kobe Death Stare

Suave- DON’T LOOK! DON’T LOOK!

Towel Boy drops dead quicker than the Lakers pulled the plug on Mike Brown this season.

Suave- HE LOOKED!

Meanwhile…

THE HALLWAY IN FRONT OF THE REPUBLICAN LOCKER ROOM ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (D), pointing to his temple to remind everyone just how much of a f****** genius he is, continues to try to reassure the Republicans that everything’s okay…

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…and it’s not working.

MATCH #9 PCW Tag Team Title Match: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker ® © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

Ever since Scott Walker’s Rangers won the PCW Tag Team belts at the Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 pay per view, Big Union and the Democrats have been gunning for a return match. Tonight at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012, the two combustible forces will smash into each other with only one team leaving the ring as the PCW Tag Team champions.

Kimber Marshall – Our next match is for the PCW Tag Team Title. On the way to the ring at this time, ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker!!!

Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker, accompanied by the Democrats’ GOTV: Bain and Paddy O’Kennedy, PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi, come to the ring.

Kimber Marshall – and their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Scott Walker (R-WI), they are the PCW Tag Team Champions- the team of Ronnie Walker and John Walker, Scott Walker’s Rangers!

Ronnie Walker and John Walker walk to the ring with Scott Walker.

Suave- This is it…Big Union has been waiting for this match and tonight they get their shot at regaining the PCW Tag Team Title.

PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) join Scott Walker ringside as the bell sounds.

Ronnie Walker charges across the ring and nails Big Labor with a charging axhandle bodyblock. Ronnie springs off the ropes but this time Big Labor clotheslines him. Ronnie Walker tries to come back with a jawbreakeron but Big Labor pushes him off. Big Labor tackles Ronnie Walker and punches him repeatedly.

Suave – Big Labor trying to use his power and strength against Ronnie Walker.

Ronnie tries a waistlock suplex but is not strong enough to lift Big Labor. Big Labor throws him out to the floor. Big Labor follows and tells Ronnie he wants to wrestle. Then he promptly nails Ronnie with a folding chair. Big Labor with a backdrops and Paddy O’Kennedy of the Democratic GOTV follows with a pescado. Big Labor decides to get mean and dumps Ronnie Walker on the rail. Big Labor throws him over the rail into the crowd. The fight heads out into the fans for a brawl. Big Labor takes it up a notch by powerbombing Ronnie Walker on the floor.

Suave- Well, he’s dead. It’s over.

The crowd calls for Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew.

Nurse Nellie

Big Labor calls for the bell saying it’s over. But somehow Boehner and McConnell roll Ronnie back in.

Big Labor chases Boehner and McConnell from the ring and turns and shoulder tackles Ronnie Walker. Ronnie Walker then whipped into the corner. He stumbled back out and right into a gut-wrench powerbomb. Ronnie tries to crawl to his corner but James the Jeep Worker slips in and pulls him across the ring. Big Labor goes to the top and drops the Elbow on Ronnie Walker. Cover…1…2…John Walker in for the save.

Suave- JOHN WALKER JUST MAKES THE SAVE AND NOW HE’S BRAWLING WITH JAMES THE JEEP WORKER.

John and James roll out of the ring and spill onto the floor. Ronnie Walker tries for a crotch slam but can’t lift Big Labor. Samoan Drop by Big Labor and Ronnie Walker is down. John Walker back in. Big Labor clotheslines John Walker. Ronnie Walker blasts Big Labor from behind with a chairshot and pummels his head. Ronnie Walker drops a closed fist. Now James the Jeep Worker in and he tackles Ronnie Walker. Big Labor sends Ronnie Walker into the turnbuckle. In comes Bain and he splashes Ronnie Walker. Now, O’Kennedy back in. Spinning neck-breaker sends Ronnie to the mat.

Suave- No doubt about it. The Democrats’ GOTV is kicking serious ass here tonight. What happened to the Independents?

In a back hallway Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan, Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and the rest of the Independents were sprawled over the floor with the Chicago Boss Squad and the Department of Justice standing over them.

Suave- Oh…

Big Labor pulls Ronnie Walker up. James the Jeep Worker in- swinging bulldog on drives Ronnie’s face to the mat. John Walker again in the ring but he gets intercepted by O’Kennedy. Ronnie Walker tries for a inverted backbreaker but is not strong enough to lift Big Labor. But Big Labor can…Powerslam! Powerslam! Powerslam! Big Labor flings sweat at Ronnie and hits a fourth powerslam.

Mitch McConnell is audibly heard shouting into a cell phone, “Where the **** is ORCA?”

CONCESSION STAND ORCA’s STILL patiently waiting in line at the ice cream stand.

RINGSIDE McConnell- SON OF A BITCH!

Big Labor with a spine buster to Ronnie Walker. He lifts Ronnie Walker and drops him with a ScabBuster. Cover…1 John Walker in for one last try but gets Picket Lined by James the Jeep Worker. …2…3.

WINNER AND NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

Reid, Pelosi, and the GOTV mob Big Union in the ring after the referee gave them the PCW Tag Team belts.

Suave- Two time PCW Tag Team Champions- Big Union regains the belts here at PCW Extreme Election Night.

BACKSTAGE ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, slightly disheveled now, insists to anyone who’ll listen that it’s still not over.

Rove- There’s something not right about this-

CUE: Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT…AGAIN!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall. He grabs Rove by the hair…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

As yet again, the PCW clean up crew comes down to clean the mess left behind, Suave again reviews the results up to date:

Match 1- Jeff Flake (R-AZ) def. Rich Carmona (D-AZ) with an assist from ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain and Jon Kyl.

Match 2- Chris Murphy (D-CT) def. Linda McMahon (R-CT) after the referee ejected McMahon’s husband, WWE Magnate Vince McMahon and her family from ringside.

Match 3- Jill Berg ® retained the PCW Women’s title over C.J. Lewis (D) when Code Pink and Emily S List’s interference backfired thanks to a hand from Melissa Joan Hart.

Match 4- Jon Tester (D-MT) def. Denny Rehberg (R-MT)

Match 5- Sherrod Brown (D-OH) def. Josh Mandel (R-OH)

Match 6- Claire McCaskill (D-MO) def. Todd Akin (R-MO)

Match 7- Tim Kaine (D-VA) def. George Allen (R-VA)

Match 8- Elizabeth Warren (R-MA) def. Scott Brown (R-MA)

Match 9- Big Union: “The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) def. Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) to win the PCW Tag Team Title.

BACKSTAGE- OUTSIDE PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON’S OFFICE No movement yet. Security continues to stand guard outside the door.

HALLWAY Karl Rove (R) keeps trying to keep everyone calm.

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Back to the ring.

Suave- And now, it all comes down to this. The PCW Title match. Let’s go to the ring.

MAIN EVENT- PCW Title Match: Triple R (D)© vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Finally, the big one- the PCW Title match. After several years of trying, after switching parties multiple times and trying new personas, Triple R finally won the title from The Sanderman (D) at the Democratic National Convention.

Now, the veteran Angry Highway Warrior also known as Road Range Randy gets boy banker P.M.C. Banks ® as his first major challenge as PCW Champion. In a match that always serves as a bellwether to who will be selected the next PCW CEO, Banks finds himself the underdog to Triple R. in this Tuesday’s title encounter.

Can the young Banks close out Triple R’s title run at a scant two months? Will Triple R take it to the political extreme and retain his PCW Title belt? We’re about to find out.

Marshall- This next match is for the PCW Title. Coming to the ring, the challenger from the financial district of Manhattan, Republican P.M.C. Banks!

Banks slowly comes to the ring accompanied by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), aide de camp candidate Paul Ryan (R-WI), PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH), Boehner’s aide Eric Cantor (R-VA), and Mitch ‘It’s Your Constitiutional Right to Spend as Much Money as You Want to Buy Influence in Our Government’ McConnell (R-KY).

Banks warily climbs into the ring.

Marshall- And his opponent, he is the ‘Angry Highway Warrior. He is Road Rage Randy. But you can call him the P-C-W Champion! Triple R!

Triple R comes to the ring with PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL), Obama’s aide de camp Joe ‘Don’t Call Me Neil Kinnock’ Biden (D-DE), PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry ‘Don’t Call Me Emperor Palpatine’ Reid (D-NV), and Nancy Pelosi.

Triple R goes to the center of the ring and offers his hand to Banks. Banks cautiously reciprocates but Triple R pulls it away at the last second and knifehand chops the challenger. The bell rings and it’s on.

Banks runs out and Triple R takes him down with a knee. The champion goes for an arm grapevine submission but Banks gets back to his feet. Triple R slaps Banks and taunts him. Triple R picks up Banks and front slams him to the mat. He hooks the leg for an early cover but Banks kicks out. Banks gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Triple R comes over and smashes Banks’s head into it and then brings Banks back out and hits jumping neck snap. Triple R goes top rope but Banks recovers and pulls him down hard to the mat. Banks drops Triple R neck first over the ropes and then sends him to ringside. Banks does a cartwheel and kicks Triple R in the face. Kneeling headbutt to Triple R’s groin.

Suave- And they’re outside. Not sure this is a good idea for Banks.

Banks starts to head back into the ring but again, the Democrats GOTV: Bain and Paddy O’Kennedy (D) come down and interject themselves into the match. Bain pulls Banks back through the ropes and then wings him hard into the guardrail. O’Kennedy leaps from the ring apron and dropkicks Banks into the guardrail. Triple R grabs a TV cable and starts choking out Banks with it. Romney climbs up on the apron to complain but…

Candy Crowley of CNN

Suave- WHAT THE HELL? CROWLEY’S STOPPING ROMNEY FROM ARGUING WITH THE REFEREE?

While that’s going on, Triple R starts bashing Banks with crap and then lays him over the rail before dropping a leg. O’Kennedy sets up a table and Triple R can drive Bank’s head through it.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Banks is bleeding all over the place. O’Kennedy dropkicks a chair into Banks’ face for good measure. Banks falls back on his arm awkwardly and appears to have injured it. Triple R wastes no time and goes after the injured arm with chairshots. Triple R with the DDT. The GOTV set up a table. Triple R sets Banks up but O’Kennedy miscues and accidently superkicks Triple R.

Suave- HOLY CRAP! He just took Triple R’s head off.

But O’Kennedy moonsaults Banks. New PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker run down and set Banks up on the table. O’Kennedy with another moonsault but the table doesn’t break. Big Labor throws Banks back into the ring. Triple R covers but only gets two. Big Labor immediately hits the Scabbuster and Triple R covers…1…2…NO! ORCA? ORCA MADE THE SAVE?

Suave- Well, it’s bloody about time he did something.

It’s shortlived. Both the GOTV and Big Union attack ORCA and drive him from the ring. Triple R sets up the table in the corner and whips Banks through it. Cover…1…2…Banks kicks out. Triple R stomps Banks. Double arm DDT by the champion and another cover..1…2..somehow Banks kicks out again. Banks then low bridges Triple R and rallies. He rains down right hands on the champion. Banks for the Moneybomb and hits it…but MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Ed Schultz race to the ring and complain to the referee. That brings down Fox News’s contingent of Sean Hannity, Dennis Miller, and Megyn Kelly and while Banks has Triple R pinned, MSNBC, joined by ABC, NBC, CBS, and Fox News argue with the referee.

Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver sneaks into the ring and whaps Banks in the head with a large book of spreadsheets and Triple R manages to regain control of the match. Triple R with a forearm. And another. Banks ducks a third so Triple R hits a sit down powerbomb! Pissed off, Triple R leaves the ring and goes and gets the ring bell. The referee tries to take it away from him.

Suave- TRIPLE R WITH THE RING BELL! HE DID THE EXACT SAME THING FIVE YEARS AGO AT LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 3!

Replay: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 3 Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S A FREAKIN’ RUMBLE!” Somewhere away from the crowd, Starz’s lariat attempt is blocked when Triple R rips the bell away from the referee and slams it in Starz’s face. Suave: “GAME OVER! ONE, TWO, THREE! THAT’S IT! TRIPLE R HAS REGAINED THE PCW TITLE.!”

Triple R in the ring with the bell. Romney and Ryan both on the apron to complain to the referee and…what?

Martha Raddatz

Suave- What is SHE doing down here?

Triple R blasts Banks with the bell. Raddatz shouts at the referee and points to the ring. The referee turns and Triple R has Banks pinned…1…2…3.

WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: Triple R (D)

The Democrats in the crowd are ecstatic. The Republicans? Stunned.

BACKSTAGE- OUTSIDE PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON’S OFFICE

The door opens and out walks PCW Owner Bubba Jackson.

Suave- IT’S TIME! BUBBA JACKSON IS ON HIS WAY TO THE RING!

Crowd- PCW…PCW…PCW!

Obama, Triple R, and the Democrats celebrate in the ring.

Suave- AND NOW, IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT IF BARACK OBAMA GETS FOUR MORE YEARS AT THE HELM OF PCW OR WHETHER MITT ROMNEY WILL TAKE HIS PLACE!

Silver takes the microphone from Suave.

Silver- I ALREADY TOLD YOU ALL. THESE SPREADSHEETS PROVE THAT OBAMA WILL BE NAMED THE PCW CEO AGAIN. I TOLD YOU…I TOLD YOU ALL…I TOLD-

CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES! HERE COMES THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races to the ring. He grabs Silver by the hair…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Suave- Thank you. And now, it’s time…

PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON ANNOUNCES THE NEW PCW CEO Jackson thanks everyone for coming out.

Jackson- We’ve been through a lot over the past four years. The deficit is way too high and PCW is not on the soundest economic ground right now.

David Axelrod says the conditions were bad when Obama started his term in 2009.

Jackson- No. George W. Bush hasn’t been the PCW CEO for the past four years. This was a tough call but I have come to a decision. The PCW mid and lower card wrestlers are struggling hard right now. Mitt Romney. You ran a good campaign but in the end- what solutions to our problems did you propose differed than the ones Republicans have proposed in the past? Cut taxes? These times call for breaking out of the same old ideas.

Jackson motions to Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell to step forward.

Jackson- You along with the current, and next, PCW CEO Barack Obama helped make this mess. You need to fix it. It’s Obama.

The Democrats erupt as Obama wins a second term as PCW CEO. Obama and Romney shake hands in the ring as the scene dissolves to the Des Moines International Airport in Des Moines, Iowa.

Marco Rubio (R-FL)

Rubio exits a plane and climbs into a waiting limo.

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cyarsk52-20 · 1 year ago

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Twitter reacts to Stacey Dash’s apology

“The door is closed, my love,” one person tweeted.

Stacey Dash apologized for her past controversial moments and dissociated herself with Former President Donald Trump in a new Daily Mailinterview. In the Wednesday (March 10) feature, the 54-year-old actress said she “lived [her] life being angry” and apologized for being “arrogant and prideful.”

“I was the angry, conservative, Black woman… I realized in 2016 that anger is unsustainable and it will destroy you,” she said. “I made a lot of mistakes because of that anger.”

Dash claimed she’s since stepped away from politics, stopped supporting Trump after the Jan. 6 Capitol insurrection and now lives her life with “compassion” and “empathy.” However, the public apology has drawn mostly critical responses from those who haven’t forgotten the former Fox News reporter’s past comments.

In 2015, a year into her career with Fox, Dash said then-President Barack Obama didn’t “give a shit” about terrorism. In 2017, she also sided with Trumpafter he said there were “very fine people on both sides” of the deadly white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia.

The Clueless star also drew ire for calling for an end to Black History Month, the NAACP Image Awards and BET. In response to her apology, one Twitter user brought up a 2016 Huffington Post interview with Janet Hubert, where she spoke about the controversy.

“Somebody needs to slap the little bit of Black she got on her off of her, okay?” Hubert said at the time. “Because girlfriend has worked on BET more than most actresses have. I think she’s just saying this kind of bull because she wants sensationalism.”

“She’s working for Fox and she needs a job… She’s making a check and she’s bringing controversy to herself,” she added. “Stacey is a bit of a media ho.”

Other Twitter users pointed to Dash’s past transphobic remarks, the time Vivica A. Fox dragged her for her Mitt Romney endorsement and more.

“Not Stacey Dash trying to cupid hustle her way back into our good graces,” one person wrote. “The door is closed, my love.”

See Twitter reactions to Dash’s apology below.

Breaking! Stacey Dash is apologizing. Maybe Omarosa can give her tips on where to go on the apology tour. They always wanna come back home, dont they? This part, “I was the angry, conservative, Black woman. I made alot of mistakes cuz of that anger.” 😐 https://t.co/qCBgD67J9Fpic.twitter.com/XFa4aKFpOu — Clay ‘Didn’t Hold My Vote Hostage’ Cane (@claycane) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash when Trump was president vs Stacey Dash now pic.twitter.com/4s77F4r7vg — Josiah Johnson (@KingJosiah54) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash: I want back in. Us: pic.twitter.com/sy1zEmTPoc — Double L must Rock The Bells (@LoveThePuck) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash: I apologize Black Twitter: pic.twitter.com/iFw6Rw4hoY — DavaStarr (@DavaStarr) March 11, 2021

I’m just here to remind y’all that Stacey Dash said transgender people should “pee in the bushes” if they “can’t make up their mind”and that wasn’t an error in judgment on her part. She’s just cruel. Don’t fall for her new grift. — Kelly Wickham Hurst (@mochamomma) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash is trending so let me remind y’all of when Vivica A Fox dragged her gracefully. pic.twitter.com/0TGt8ChcJ8 — Antravis Bisou (@revivemilestone) March 11, 2021

Who’s that? Who is Stacey Dash??? 🤷🏾‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/xK74r4PmrB — JCizle (@JCizle) March 11, 2021

Oh Stacey Dash wants to come back? pic.twitter.com/OhgMEh47de — Wave-Li® (@WaveyMort) March 11, 2021

Not Stacey Dash trying to cupid shuffle her way back into our good graces 💀. The door is closed my love. — Sara Bellum. 🧠 (@_savethebeez) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash is broke now and apologizing to the black community who only recognizes one Stacey- Stacey Abrams. pic.twitter.com/rvEmcKe6Tw — kind2know1💙 (@conscious_sis) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash is now sorry she associated herself with Trump, says she’s struggling in Hollywood now. Us: pic.twitter.com/vPNwrzXN1Z — Veronica McDonald🗣 (@Purify_toast17) March 11, 2021

Stacey Dash: Being a supporter of Trump has put me in a box that I do not belong in 😭 Black Twitter: pic.twitter.com/GcGRx3VxKr — John Paul (@JohnSLPaul) March 11, 2021

Janet Hubert was fed up with Stacey Dash pic.twitter.com/gMBBETdSuY — CHRIS FOXX (@FoxxFiles) March 11, 2021

Sent from my iPhone

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dhaaruni · 2 years ago

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Every day, progressives on Twitter do “gender roles but woke” it’s so cringe lol. This faux-logical “methodology” is simply another way for them to justify being just as emotionally reactionary about candidates they like as the KHive is about Kamala Harris.

MGP can’t be a “dad” Democrat because she’s a mom, and a very conventionally feminine one at that who happens to work with cars and oppose an assault weapons ban. McAuliffe lost a lay-up election because he gaffed bigly, not because he’s a “mom” Democrat.

If you’re looking for another way to classify candidates that’s not embarrassingly gender essentialist, try the Pointy vs. Round test. Pointies include: Barack Obama, Abigail Spanberger, Ron DeSantis Rounds include: Michelle Obama, John Fetterman, Mitt Romney

#politicking humour #links #politics #Twitter

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britneyshakespeare · 1 year ago

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it seems strange to say that the barack obama vs mitt romney 2012 erb episode aged really well (we all agree the best of all three election episodes?) but it has. earlier today i thought to myself "so rich and white it's like i'm runnin gainst a cheesecake"

#republi-cans need a puppet and you fit/got their hands so far up your rear call you mitt #jeez #gotta stop hatin on gays and let em teach you how to dress!#text post #erb #epiclloyd's romney was a good performance but like the actual election that year obama won it

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chillincreative · 1 year ago

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apparently, today marks the three year anniversary of me creating this blog.

shoutout to when this blog was Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney. Epic Rap Battles of History.

#https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX_1B0w7Hzc #only two people remember such a time and i apologize to them

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straightedgecrf · 2 years ago

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Why I’m Voting For Donald Trump In The 2024 Election

If you said 3 years ago that I’d be voting for Donald Trump,I’d say that you were crazy.I was a Democrat since I was a kid when it was Bill Clinton vs. George H.W. Bush where I was convinced that Bill Clinton was the better choice to where I was rooting for him,Al Gore and John Kerry.Then I voted for Barack Obama,Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden although Obama was the only one I voted for on my own since I really wanted Bernie Sanders instead of Clinton & Biden.After Joe Biden won and everything that my friends warned me about would happen if Biden won did happen,I regretted my vote and wished that I voted for Trump.This caused me to look at the conservative side and started watching people like Arielle Scarcella,Gothix,Jericho Greem,Officer Tatum,and Ruined Leon that caused me to see the world in a different way.I then wished I voted for Trump after finding out that Biden was everything that Trump was accused of.He said to someone that you ain’t black if you don’t vote for him,that poor kids are just as bright & intelligent as white kids,doesn’t think that not all black people know how to get online,didn’t want his kids to grow up in a racial jungle and much other racist stuff.Since Biden has been our President,prices have gone up,crime has gone up,and our country has become more divided.Drag queens are now in schools,kids are reading porn,men can be allowed to compete in women’s sports along with showering with women in their locker rooms as long as they refer to themselves as women without the consent of the biological women,there really is no boarder since illegal immigrants continue to come our country,and homeless veterans are being kicked out of hotels to make room for the illegal immigrants.This is going on and yet there are people who still plan on voting for Biden just because he’s not Trump.Why?Trump put America first while Biden has put America last.Biden sent our money to help continue supporting a war instead of trying to end it.He even asked if having lower gas prices here in America is more important than having Putin’s iron fist in Europe.That’s like you could be on a better budget,but someone you’re living with would rather help pay your neighbor’s bills instead of you spending all of your money to where you have to starve just to pay your own bills.If you’re saying that you’re voting for Joe Biden because of all the charges against Trump are making you think that he’s not fit to be president or think he’s going to jail,then you’re falling for everything the media is making you believe what they want you to believe since they’re the ones who control the people who just use the media as their sources when it turns out that the media has been bias all of this time.Especially with the negative ads towards people like Donald Trump,Ron DeSantis,and Tudor Dixon while trying to make people like Joe Biden & Gretchen Whitmer look good.Plus imagine if Mitt Romney won in 2012 and this all happened to Obama when he planned on running for president again in 2016.Romney having the FBI raid his place for documents,being charged for stuff that he didn’t do.Democrats would be saying the attacks on Obama were election interference.So to everyone who is all “vote blue no matter who”,”orange man bad”,and everything else that cause the election results to backfire,I just want you to remember that if you complain about how things are and yet vote for Joe Biden again just because he’s not Trump,then you deserve this.Sometimes you have to believe that you have to swallow your pride and vote for the person based on how they run the country instead of how you feel about them.Vote Trump in 2024 to save America because it’s a disaster right now and Biden will become a dictator if you let him stay president.Please put your country before your personal feelings.

#Donald Trump #Joe Biden #trump 2024 #let's go brandon #FJB

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trendingtopicstoday · 2 months ago

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When Will We Know the U.S. Election Results? A Look at Presidential Election Timelines

Every election year, millions of Americans and people around the world eagerly await the final results of the U.S. presidential race.

Check Live Result

However, if you’re expecting to know the outcome on election night, history suggests you might want to wait a bit longer. Despite election night projections, the official counting of ballots has never been completed on Election Day.

Here’s what you need to know about when election results are typically announced—and how it’s played out in some of the most notable elections over recent decades.

Why Election Night Projections Aren’t Final?

In recent years, we’ve grown accustomed to news outlets calling a winner by the time we go to bed or wake up the morning after casting our votes. But local and state certification deadlines vary widely, often stretching from two days after Election Day to over a month.

In past elections like 2000 and 2020, legal challenges and increased mail-in voting delayed final counts. With certain state laws like those in Pennsylvania and Wisconsin prohibiting early vote counting, we may again see a slower reporting process.

Remember: A delay doesn’t mean anything’s gone wrong. It simply means election officials are carefully counting each ballot to ensure accuracy.

A Look Back: When Were Presidential Results Announced?

Here’s a quick timeline of when the world learned the results in the last six U.S. presidential elections:

2020: Biden vs. Trump

Election Day: November 3 Result: November 7 It took four days before news outlets projected Joe Biden as the winner over Donald Trump. A high volume of mail-in ballots due to COVID-19 delayed results in key states.

2016: Trump vs. Clinton

Election Day: November 8 Result: November 9, 3 a.m. EST In a late-night race, Donald Trump’s victory over Hillary Clinton was confirmed early the morning after Election Day.

2012: Obama vs. Romney

Election Day: November 6 Result: Before midnight Barack Obama’s reelection was called before midnight, securing his victory over Mitt Romney relatively quickly.

2008: Obama vs. McCain

Election Day: November 4 Result: Around 11 p.m. EST Obama’s first presidential win was called around 11 p.m. after polls closed, giving him a decisive victory over John McCain.

2004: Bush vs. Kerry

Election Day: November 2 Result: The following morning John Kerry conceded to President George W. Bush via phone shortly after 11 a.m., the day after Election Day.

2000: Bush vs. Gore

Election Day: November 7 Result: December 12 This election stands out as one of the most contentious. Al Gore and George W. Bush’s razor-thin margins in Florida led to a legal standoff. The Florida Supreme Court approved a recount, which the Bush campaign contested, leading to the U.S. Supreme Court’s intervention. The Court’s ruling on December 12, after weeks of recounts and court battles, awarded Florida to Bush by just 537 votes—making him the 43rd president of the United States.

Why Election Results May Be Delayed Again?

Extended polling hours, closely contested races, and laws around early vote counting could all contribute to delays in knowing the final outcome. While we may see projected results, the official tally follows a methodical, state-specific process to ensure accuracy. So, this year, as you await the results, remember that patience is key—and a longer wait doesn’t mean there’s trouble.

In every election, ensuring that every vote is counted takes time. Stay tuned, and keep an eye on state-by-state announcements as the official results roll in.

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persephone-nightshade · 7 months ago

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The ERBOH, BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is my favorite sound on the Internet. Like the way they scream Barack Obama is so primal.

#Spotify

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7grandmel · 1 year ago

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Todays rip: 25/09/2023

Aquarium in the Ocean

Season 6 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume FF

Ripped by Zielony Szpieg

youtube

If you ask any avid SiIvaGunner fan to recount the most important parts of Season 5, you'll find two songs to be nigh inevitable to be brought up. There's many concise ways to identify the fifth season by today - it was one of the lightest years on the channel in terms of new lore, it was the season tasked with succeeding the indescribable scale and success of the King for Another Day Tournament and its celebration the year after, it saw the official debut of SiIvaGunner Fusion Records, and it overall was one of the highest-quality years in terms of rips uploaded. Yet two icons remain dominant in the minds of many a SiIvaGunner fan, two songs that caused an absolute uproar during their heyday - Astronaut in the Ocean and Yankin'.

Its hard to really overstate just how much chaos these two songs alone put the channel audience in: I once previously tried to summarize it all in my post on Knowledge of the Depths from the same season. Put simply, Astronaut in the Ocean began to appear frequently in low-effort, unsynced mashups in reference to its origins as a TikTok meme, which gave it a sort of perception as an anti-hero for the fanbase - the joke that, no matter what it was attached to, would never even try to deliver something that sounded conventionally "high quality". If the astronaut was an anti-hero, Yankin' was a full-on villain - the crassness of the song paired with the somewhat hard to listen to vocals and immediately identifiable beat made the song into a source of downright hatred within the comment section, on a level only really previously matched by Season 1's "Bean" (more on that guy at a later date). It was fascinating, for a year without much in the way of proper story progression, to see so much community discourse still happen althesame regarding the state of the channel.

Months later, when Season 6 arrived, the dust had settled´. Astronaut in the Ocean had gotten a sort of cult following for its apathetic, inconsistent use in rips very much unique to it, and Yankin' even had its own takeover, to directly address and cement the meme's status as a villain on the channel. The memes are now a staple of SiIvaGunner despite - or perhaps because of - our ire, and they've been infrequently appearing in rips the same way that Grand Dad, Snow Halation, The Nutshack and so many others oft would back in the early days. And to me, no rip better illustrates that new status quo than Aquarium in the Ocean.

Aquarium in the Ocean follows the style of several rips preceding it as a "mashup medley", most easily comparable to something like Memey Hell from Season 1. While that rip acted as a sort of celebration to Season 1 as a whole, Aquarium in the Ocean feels like it does the same for Season 5's two big jokes as discussed above. Despite featuring both the Season's bringers of hell, they're used in very genuine, serious ways - Astronaut in the Ocean leads the song off and is actually, for once, tuned to the original song's key, and Yankin's vocals play surprisingly softly when paired with different instrumentation. The two are blended together with several other memes from the channel's history, be it old-school like Soulja Boy or more recent ones like Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney's Epic Rap Battle of History - its a sort of scattershot selection of jokes, yet each one is given enough time to sink in as funny whilst matching the Aquarium Park instrumental backing quite nicely.

Really, though, above its quality and sound its the meaning to the rip that I really care about. There's no longer any sort of panic in the comments over the presence of Yankin' - many are even surprised and delighted to hear the track finally sounding *good* in a rip. The two are now just jokes amidst the many others, accepted tools within the arsenal of the SiIva team - and permanent member of the channel's family. I can't say if Aquarium in the Ocean was really the rip to cement that, but something about its assortment of various jokes paired with its somewhat sentimental sound really carries that energy through. Zielony Szpieg, as far as I'm aware, is someone who submitted this rip to the team through email as a fan, and they did an excellent job at both making a good-sounding tune and something surprisingly poignant for the subject matter at hand. I know not how to contact him or if he'll ever see this, but if he does: Ya did good!

#todays siivagunner #season 6 #siivagunner #siiva #Zielony Szpieg #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sonic colors #sonic colours #sonic colours ultimate #sonic colors ultimate #sonic prime #sonic frontiers #sonic superstars #sonic music #astronaut in the ocean #yankin #Youtube #Bandcamp

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pcwpolwrestling · 2 months ago

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11/8/2016-Replay of Extreme Election Night 2016-Part Two

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MATCH 6: The Battle for PCW CEO

Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump (American Patriots) Referee: Corrina Romanov

=================================

Back to Suave and Colleen at the broadcast desk with the crowd buzzing in anticipation for the PCW CEO showdown that’s just mere moments away.

Johnny Suave: Johnny Suave back with the low level reporter trying to make a name for herself at the New York Times Colleen Crowder…

Colleen Crowder: Do you have to say it like that?

Johnny Suave: …and we are just about ready for the big match to determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

Both Clinton and Trump supporters rise to their feet, holding up their pro-Clinton and pro-Trump signs and shouting dueling chants of ‘I’M WITH HER!’ and ‘TRUMP…TRUMP…TRUMP!’ back and forth at each other.

Johnny Suave (talking louder): Joining us now is Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver. Silver, of course, boldly predicted four years ago at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 that Triple R would win the PCW Title and Barack Obama would win a second four year run as PCW CEO.

The camera pans to the right and adds Silver to the picture.

Johnny Suave: Nate, thanks for joining us.

Nate Silver: My pleasure, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Your insight on what you think will happen tonight.

Nate Silver: Well Johnny. As of right now, I believe Hillary Clinton has a 70% chance of winning this match. I think it’ll be close. But I think the distinct trend is towards Hillary right now.

Colleen Crowder: Nate, I think you’re being too cautious. The New York Times believes that Hillary Clinton’s chances of becoming the first ever woman to become PCW CEO is around 85%. There’s simply no way that Trump will win this match tonight.

Nate Silver: I wouldn’t go that far Colleen. Yes, I believe Hillary Clinton is the clear favorite here tonight. But, I still maintain that the match will be closer than most think it will. There’s still a path for a possible Trump victory. For starters, Clinton doesn’t have the solid advantage that Barack Obama had against Mitt Romney four years ago.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah but that’s not the narrative we’re running with. Hillary Clinton will win this match tonight because Trump is not qualified to be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: You know Colleen, narrative driven news is to journalism what World Wrestling Entertainment is to the sport of wrestling.

Once she comprehends what Suave has just said to her, Colleen glares at him and her eyes shoot daggers through Suave. She grits her teeth.

Colleen Crowder (slowly): Eighty…five…percent…

Johnny Suave: We’d better get to the ring. Kimber Marshall, take it away!

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This next match will determine who will become the next CEO of Political Championship Wrestling!

“I’M WITH HER!…I’M WITH HER!”

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!”

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

The lights cut out and music starts…

youtube

DUH.

DUH-DUH-DUHHHH

DUH-DUH-DUHHHHH.

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his manager Kellyanne Conway walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots. Some of the more official types of the American Patriots…ie…John McCain, Susan Collins, and Rick Perry, who sit down front close to ringside, don’t seem overly enthusiastic with their support.

Back on stage, the leader of the American Patriots Reince Priebus filters in behind along with PCW Executive Committee member Paul Ryan.

Johnny Suave: Trump looks particularly sinister tonight!

Colleen Crowder: It’s hideous Johnny. Simply hideous. We really need Hillary to win.

Conway leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage and heads toward the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York! He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Managed tonight by Kellyanne Conway, accompanied by his Second in Command Mike Pence, and representing the American Patriots! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump Supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building. Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: Donald Trump climbs into the ring. Can be make history of his own here tonight by becoming the next PCW CEO?

Colleen Crowder: NO! I mean, David Brooks from the New York Times is a conservative and even he doesn’t think Donald Trump should be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: David Brooks is conservative for the New York Times, yes.

The supporters “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Trump holds the ring ropes open for Kellyanne Conway to slip through. Pence, Priebus and Ryan join them.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent.

Imperial March- off…

♫ What happened at the New Wil’ins? Bitch, I’m back, by popular demand ♫

…Beyonce’s ‘Formation’- on. The house lights cut out and then start flashing to the beat causing the Progressive Alliance fans to leap out of their seats.

Quick cut to the upper section where Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler are dancing on their chairs, Miley Cyrus is on the table twerking, and Madonna…well, we don’t really want to know what she’s doing right now.

Kimber Marshall (loudly over the blaring music): Managed by Robby Mook and accompanied by her Second in Command Tim Kaine, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her husband…FORMER PCW CEO William Jefferson Clinton!

Beyonce comes out on stage lip-synching to her song. She and Jay-Z lead the parade to the ring. Next out, Mook, Wasserman-Shultz, and Bill Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: From Chappaqua, New York. Representing the Progressive Alliance!

Next out, Bill and Hillary’s daughter Chelsea Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: And vying to make history by becoming the first ever woman to become CEO of PCW!

Finally, Hillary Clinton walks out wearing a white pants suit.

Kimber Marshall: PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR…HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON!

The A-List celebrities in the top section of Hack’s stand up and shout. On the floor, the Progressive Alliance section is simply rocking. Hillary Clinton signs bobbing up and down, moving left to right as Beyonce continues to lip synch her song and dance down the aisle.

Reaching the ring, Hillary climbs up the steps first and ducks into the ring, followed by her husband and daughter.

Johnny Suave: Oh wow! Listen to that ovation for Hillary Clinton. Both sides are geared up for what promises to be an incredible match.

Colleen Crowder: Again Johnny. According to the New York Times calculations, it’s going to be an early night, it’s going to be a quick match, because Donald Trump has no chance to defeat Hillary Clinton.

Johnny Suave: Nate?

Nate Silver: The odds are definitely in Ms. Clinton’s favor but I won’t go that far to say that he has no chance.

Johnny Suave: Thanks for your insight. Nate Silver, everyone. Let’s take it back to the ring and the referee in charge of this match- Corrina Romanov.

The name Romanov causes Colleen to cock her head quizzically to the side.

Romanov enters the ring wearing the appropriate white and black striped referee’s shirt and black pants. A former wrestler of her own right, she gets a healthy round of applause from the patrons of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on…isn’t she like- Russian?

Romanov goes over to Trump and does the usual pre-match check.

Johnny Suave: She is. So what?

Then Romanov walks over to Clinton’s corner and does the same.

Colleen Crowder: Nothing. It’s just…strange…that PCW would assign a Russian referee for this match.

Johnny Suave: Nah, you’re overthinking this. Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen. We are just about ready to go.

Satisfied, Romanov turns to the bell table and calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: And here we go!

“I’M WITH HER! I’M WITH HER!…”

Johnny Suave: LISTEN TO THE DUELLING CHANTS!

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!…”

Johnny Suave: THE NOISE IS JUST DEAFENING IN HERE!

Both Trump and Clinton cautiously walk forward from their respective corners and circle each other in the middle of the ring.

Then out of nowhere, Clinton drives a knee to the balls. Trump crumples over. And the Progressive Alliance section goes nuts.

Johnny Suave: CLINTON DRAWS FIRST BLOOD!

Clinton whips Trump into her corner where he’s greeted with a few forearm shots from her husband Bill. He lays in more big forearms on Trump. Hillary follows up with some knife-edge chops. Trump then whips Clinton across the ring into the opposite corner.

Johnny Suave: Trump sends Clinton for the ride…

Trump sets up for a backdrop but Clinton flips over him and then delivers a punt kick to the jewels.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Dropping to his knees, Trump’s face scrunches in pain. Clinton moves behind him. Basement dropkick to the back sends Trump down face first to the mat. She rolls him over for a cover.

One.

Tw-

Johnny Suave: Easy kick out for Donald Trump.

Debbie Wasserman-Shultz shouts at the referee and then slams her hand down on the mat in the same rapid-fire fashion she’d done when Hillary defeated Bernie Sanders in Philadelphia.

Colleen Crowder: That was a slow count.

Johnny Suave: Any count is slow compared to what Wasserman-Shultz did to Sanders.

Trump fights back to his feet and tries to stop the momentum. But Clinton scratches his eyes and then hits a knee to the gut. Russian Leg Sweep follows and Trump is right back on the ground. Clinton again makes the cover but Trump out of nowhere pushes her off and then rolls her up.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP REVERSES. COVER!

The American Patriots rise up in anticipation.

One

Two.

Johnny Suave: NO! HILLARY GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Romanov calls for a break. While she tries to get Hillary to let go of the bottom rope, Bill Clinton sneaks in and pokes Trump in the eye. He recoils back and covers his eye.

Johnny Suave: She’s not letting go of the rope. WHAT?

What? Suave does a doubletake when Captain America…yes…Captain America runs down and slides into the ring.

Johnny Suave: What the hell is this?

Colleen Crowder: It’s Captain America.

Johnny Suave: I know it’s Captain America. Why is Captain America in the ring?

Trump staggers back. Captain America takes his shield and then blasts him in the back of the head with it.

Johnny Suave: Oh…that’s why.

Captain America stares at the downed Trump, who’s holding his head from the shield shot. He then pulls off his mask.

Colleen Crowder: Hey! That’s Chris Evans from the Avengers movie!

Johnny Suave: Where is the referee?

Referee Corrina Romanov is in deep conversation with ABC’s Martha Raddatz at the edge of the ring.

Johnny Suave: MARTHA RADDATZ IS AT RINGSIDE? WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Suave sees Evans pick up the shield.

Johnny Suave: What is he doing?

Evans places the Captain America shield in Trump’s groin area. Then Iron Man jumps into the ring carrying a bowling ball bag.

Johnny Suave: WHAT IS IRON MAN DOING HERE?

Iron Man (okay… it’s really Robert Downey, Jr. playing Iron Man) takes the bowling ball bag, lifts it in the air, and slams it into the shield.

*CLANK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Crowd: Oooooooooohhhhh!

Trump rolls back and forth in excruciating pain.

Johnny Suave: KELLYANNE CONWAY IS ON THE RING APRON SCREAMING AT CORRINA ROMANOV!

Finally, Conway gets Romanov’s attention and the referee refocuses her attention back to the match and sees Evans and Downey in the ring. She immediately chases both Hollywood stars from the ring. Which, of course, allows Hillary to indulge in a little blatant choking while the referee continues to be distracted.

Colleen Crowder: I’ve changed my mind. I now believe that Hillary Clinton has a 90% chance of winning. She’s totally dominating him.

Clinton uses the boots to deliver a shot to the gut and another. Trump finally trips Clinton up and sends her to the mat.

Johnny Suave: Big boot by Trump knocks Clinton off her feet. But there’s a lot of worried faces at ringside.

Quick cut to the American Patriots section. Reince Priebus brings a hand to his chin. Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell both watch the action with extremely concerned expressions on their face.

Back to the ring where Clinton has gone over and talks with Robby Mook.

Johnny Suave: Bad idea. She can’t give Trump time to recover like that.

Trump pulls himself back up again. He goes right over to Hillary and they trade forearm strikes. Trump whips her into the corner and then catches Clinton on the rebound with a Bulldog.

Clinton tries to whip Trump to her corner but Trump blocks, lifts Hillary up, bringing her legs off the ground, and falls backward to the mat sending her back-first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SIDEWALK SLAM BY TRUMP. HE COVERS.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS CNN’S ANDERSON COOPER DOING IN THE RING?

Just as Corrina Romanov starts to lower her hand down for three, Anderson Cooper bolts into the ring out of the blue and pushes Trump off of Clinton.

Johnny Suave: COOPER MAKES THE SAVE!

Colleen Crowder: Maybe we should reduce the chances of Hillary winning back to 85%.

While Hillary scoots back to her corner, Trump gets into Romanov’s face and argues about the count. He doesn’t see Bill Clinton sneaking up from behind. Bill tries to whip Trump into Hillary’s corner. Trump reverses and goes for a big boot to the face. But Bill ducks, boots Trump in the gut, and then hits a spinning neckbreaker.

Johnny Suave: Bill Clinton fires up the crowd and now he’s going for scoop slam!

Clinton goes to lift Trump up but he doesn’t see trouble brewing behind him. Two women from his past.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S KATHLEEN WILLEY AND PAULA JONES! TWO WOMEN WITH HUGE ISSUES WITH BOTH BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing in the ring?

At once, the crowd noise jumps dramatically which causes Bill to wonder what’s going on. Finally, his innate curiosity wins out so he turns around and gets an unpleasant surprise. His eyes widen and the crowd goes wild.

Johnny Suave: Nowhere to run! Nowhere to hide!

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair! They’re interfering in the match!

Johnny Suave: Here we go!

Willey and Jones take Bill by each arm and fling him into the corner turnbuckle. Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls forward head first into the turnbuckle. He flips up and over the turnbuckle, tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLIP!

On the floor, Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first back to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLOP!

Back in the ring, Hillary comes off the ropes and leaps onto Trump’s back.

Johnny Suave: SLEEPER HOLD!

Colleen Crowder: YES! COME ON HILLARY!

Trump spins to try and dislodge Hillary from his back. Unfortunately, he loses his balance and ends up on the mat. Hillary wastes no time in making the cover.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: Trump kicks out. He’s trying to regain his bearings and…why is the referee talking to the Clinton corner again?

This time, Romanov is having a heated conversation with Hillary’s manager Robby Mook and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. While they’re distracting the referee, Chelsea Clinton slides a steel chain over to her mother who quickly wraps it around Trump’s neck.

Johnny Suave: AND NOW SHE’S GOT THAT STEEL CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK!

Colleen Crowder: Sleeper hold.

Trump’s face turns bright red as the chain is wrapped tightly and cutting off his oxygen.

Johnny Suave: BULL-*BLEEP*! THAT’S A BLATANT CHOKE! SHE’S TRYING TO CHOKE DONALD TRUMP OUT!

While Trump desperately tries to loosen the chain around his neck, yet another person races down the aisle towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE? THAT’S FOX NEWS’S CHRIS WALLACE!

Wallace jumps up on the ring apron, grabs Romanov, and spins her around. He points at Hillary who’s still trying strangle Trump with a steel chain.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing? Chris Wallace has no business butting his head into this match.

Johnny Suave: And CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz didn’t do the exact same thing?

Colleen Crowder: That’s different. Everyone knows Fox News is biased towards the American Patriots!

Romanov immediately acts. She pushes Clinton back, breaking the choke hold. Then Romanov literally rips the chain out of Hillary’s hands and tosses it out of the ring.

Colleen Crowder: The Russian referee is exerting too much influence on this match which means Vladimir Putin is trying to affect the results!

Johnny Suave: Um…Corrina Romanov just enforced the rules because, newsflash, even PCW has rules.

Colleen Crowder: But Vladimir Putin-

Johnny Suave: Is this another narrative or…

There’s a collective gasp inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: What.

Colleen turns her attention back to the ring and immediately shoots up from her chair in full righteous indignation mode.

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Johnny Suave: TESTICULAR CLAW! TRUMP IS USING THE TESTICULAR CLAW!

The reaction is instantaneous and the fun really begins. An enraged Colleen Crowder literally jumps up on the broadcast table and points at Trump.

Colleen Crowder: DISQUALIFY HIM! DISQUALIFY HIM!

The Clinton team are stunned. Without hesitation, they all charge the ring.

The Progressive Alliance are stunned. Disgusted. Repulsed. Suddenly, the likes of Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, and Nancy Pelosi charge the ring.

The media are stunned. Revolted. Aggrieved. Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman pile into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED!

Even some members of the American Patriots are stunned. Appalled. Queasy. John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring and a huge scrum explodes.

Johnny Suave: IT’S HIT THE FAN NOW!

Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Johnny Suave: This is just a mob scene!

Colleen Crowder: WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED HIM?

Johnny Suave (sarcastically): Maybe Vladimir Putin told her not to.

Colleen Crowder: SEE! I TOLD YOU!

Johnny Suave: Trump is getting no help from the American Patriots either!

Cut to Paul Ryan. He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring. Mitch McConnell? He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.

The rest of the establishment? Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

♫ Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men…♫

Quick cut to the Les Miserables section. What had been a full section of people is now half empty.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!

‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people sitting in their section.

Johnny Suave: It’s the LES MISERABLES!

Colleen Crowder: I’m confused Are they coming to help Clinton?

Bryan hops up on the ring apron. He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.

Johnny Suave: BRYAN TOSSES MILBANK OUT!

Bert the Janitor tosses McAvay a Big Bertha Driver.

Johnny Suave: MCAVAY HAS THE BIG BERTHA!

*THWACK*

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES CHUCK SCHUMER!

*THWACK^

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES LINDSEY GRAHAM!

Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd. He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: AND HERE COMES CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair. and starts taking people out left and right.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: BLACKWELL NAILS PAUL KRUGMAN WITH THE CHAIR!

Blackwell turns and swings the chair again.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: CNN’s DON LEMON GOES DOWN!

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: HE GOT JEB BUSH TOO!

Colleen Crowder: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: THEY’RE CLEANING HOUSE!

The rest of the Les Miserables climb through the ropes and suddenly there’s a lot of people in close quarters.

Colleen Crowder: DEPLORABLE!

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Les Miserables inside.

Colleen Crowder: THESE PEOPLE ARE DEPLORABLE! WHAT ARE ALL THESE DEPLORABLE PEOPLE DOING IN THE RING?

Johnny Suave: Actually, they’re Les Miserables.

Colleen Crowder: AND WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED TRUMP FOR THIS BLATANT OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE? THERE IS NO WAY THIS MATCH-

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle. The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Crowder pulls at her hair.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOOOO!

In the midst of the chaos caused when the Les Miserables invaded the ring, Trump took one of Hillary’s legs, turned it 90 degrees, grabbed her other leg and crossed it with the other. Then he put one foot in between, the other on the other leg, and bridged over to lock in the figure-four.

To make matters worse, Trump had her smack dab in the middle of the ring- a long, long way from help.

Johnny Suave: HOW ARE HER CHANCES LOOKING NOW?

Colleen remains defiant.

Colleen Crowder: Sixty-five percent, Johnny. I’m still quite confident Hillary will win if the Russian referee would actually DO HER JOB!

The Progressive Alliance contingent charge forward but the Les Miserables protecting the ring stop them in their tracks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay…maybe fifty-five percent- COME ON!

Clinton closes her eyes and sits up. She takes a couple swipes at Trump and then falls backwards.

Johnny Suave: Is Hillary going to tap out?

Colleen Crowder: NEVER!

Hillary reaches for the ropes but she’s too far away.

Johnny Suave: What do you say now?

Colleen Crowder: Fifty-fifty.

As the pain registers all over Clinton’s face, for the first time a realization comes over the folks sitting in the Progressive Alliance section that she could lose this.

Johnny Suave: Are you sure about that?

Colleen Crowder: (whispers incoherently)

Johnny Suave: Didn’t hear you.

Colleen Crowder: I SAID SIXTY PERCENT FOR TRUMP! JESUS, HE COULD WIN THIS THING!

The camera pans through the Progressive Alliance section of the bar. Jaws dropped. Shocked expressions. Hands on cheeks.

Johnny Suave: Do I hear seventy percent…seventy-five percent? Going once. Going twice. Going-

Colleen Crowder: SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT FOR TRUMP. (shouts to no one in particular) COME ON! ANYONE? DO SOMETHING?

Over the loudspeaker, the opening notes to the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop” began to play.

Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! I know that song.

A man dressed in a flannel shirt, holding a mocha in one hand and a Singapore cane in the other, steps out of the shadows on the second level of the bar.

Johnny Suave: And I know that guy! HE’S BACK!

The crowd merrily sings along to the Fleetwood Mac song as the man dressed in flannel started towards the stage.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on. Is that who I think it is?

Johnny Suave: It is.

As the sing along continues, the man holds up his mocha, contained inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable cup of course, and chugs it down.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN,’ TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN,’ INSANE SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND EXTREME ENVIRONMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Gore crushes the paper cup on his forehead in an alpha manly fashion. Gore then spews the mocha out of his mouth like a geyser going off and sprays several tables in close proximity.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the expression on the Trump Team’s faces!

The camera cuts over to Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence. They’re not paying any attention.

Johnny Suave: Um…they’re not paying attention.

Colleen Crowder: Well…THEY SHOULD BE!

Gore moves up to the steps leading down and turns around to face the Progressive Alliance section. He pulls out another cup of mocha and holds it high in the air. Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead, and spits the mocha onto several tables.

Colleen Crowder: …if he ever gets to the ring.

Back in the ring, Referee Corrina Romanov maneuvers around, watching for any sign of a tap out. Mook, Kaine, Bill Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Wasserman-Shultz, blocked from the ring by the Les Miserables watch helplessly. Hillary falls back again and her strength wanes.

Johnny Suave: Trump is THIS close to winning!

Colleen Crowder: Son of a bitch. Ninety percent chance for Trump to win.

Colleen shouts up at Gore.

Colleen Crowder: HURRY UP!

Gore makes it downstairs. He stops and pulls out another cup of mocha.

Colleen Crowder: SON OF A BITCH! AL, WOULD YOU GET TO THE RING ALREADY?

Johnny Suave: HILLARY’S RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead…

Colleen Crowder (lamenting): He’s not going to get to the ring in time, is he?

Johnny Suave: Nope.

…and spits the mocha towards the ring just as Hillary slaps her hand on the mat.

Johnny Suave: SHE TAPPED OUT! THAT’S IT!

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOO!

Romanov calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP WINS! TRUMP WINS!

Colleen Crowder: Oh…my…God.

Johnny Suave: The next CEO of PCW is Donald J. Trump!

The camera cuts to outside the ring. Now that Trump’s won and it’s ‘safe,’ Paul Ryan is slowly edging his way back towards the action.

Johnny Suave: And the conservative chickens have come home to roost!

Mitch McConnell races by Ryan, actually he knocks Ryan out of his way, cheering and pumping his fist in the air. However, others sitting with the rest of the American Patriot supporters aren’t so sure about what just took place.

The Les Miserables at ringside have no inhibition about celebrating. Blackwell, Bryan, and McAvay find themselves in the midst of a big time party.

Panning back to the Progressive Alliance section- soul-crushing sadness among Hillary’s supporters is the prevalent feeling.

The majority of the people on hand begin to sing: “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye” and wave goodbye to the Hollywood celebs who said they would leave the country if Trump won.

Johnny Suave: After everything that’s happened over the past few months and with the entire Washington D.C. beltway establishment lined up against him- the Republican establishment, the Democrat establishment, the militantly left wing Democrats- who seem to have all gathered in California, and the mainstream media, when the chips were down Donald Trump came through on PCW’s biggest stage.

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

Johnny Suave: Is that the narrative or an actual story?

Colleen Crowder: Shut up!

Johnny Suave: Let’s go up to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the official announcement.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at twenty four minutes, forty-three seconds…and the NEW CEO of POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

In his corner, Trump raises his arms in the air. Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence shake hands and exchange celebratory hugs.

Kimber Marshall: DONALD J. TRUMP-

No sooner than Marshall finished saying Trump, a woman in purple dress jumps into the ring and knocks down the PCW ring announcer. She grabs the microphone from Marshall. Her face beet red, clearly infuriated at the result, she points down at Kimber on the deck.

Woman in Ring: YOU SOLD OUT POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

Kimber just gives her a ‘WTF’ glance. The woman then turns to the American Patriots at ringside and delivers more of her venom.

Woman in Ring: YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

She points at Trump.

Woman in Ring: THIS IS MY PCW!

She points at herself and screeches.

Woman in Ring: DO YOU HEAR ME? THIS IS MY PCW!

Then she throws herself on the mat and begins to kick her feet and flail her arms wildly.

Johnny Suave: Great. Is she going to hold her breath next?

Then she holds her breath as she kicks and flails away. Her face quickly turns red.

Johnny Suave: Really? Hopefully we can get security out here to restore some order.

PCW Security comes to the ring to escort the woman out. But before she can be taken away, another commotion flares out inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HERE COMES HOLLYWOOD OSCAR WINNING SCREENWRITER AARON SORKIN AND HE LOOKS PISSED!

Aaron Sorkin: WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD ON, ONE SECOND!

Sorkin, noted liberal activist, flies down to ringside and grabs a microphone from a ringside technician.

Aaron Sorkin: I wrote this letter to my daughter.

Sorkin pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to read.

Aaron Sorkin: I’m not going to sugarcoat this- this is truly horrible…

Progressive Alliance fans agree with Sorkin’s sentiment. Supporters of the American Patriots? Not so much.

Aaron Sorkin: …it’s hardly the first time my candidate didn’t win…in fact it’s the sixth time…but it is the first time that a thoroughly incompetent pig with dangerous ideas, a serious psychiatric disorder, no knowledge of the world and no curiosity to learn has.

Again, the agreement to Mr. Sorkin’s views are sharply split according to one’s political preference.

Aaron Sorkin: And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won tonight—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons.

This gets the attention of Blackwell, McAvay, and Bryan. All three turn and wonder if Sorkin is really talking about them.

He is.

Aaron Sorkin: That’s right. Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life or are the reason for their way of life have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere…

Johnny Suave: Really? He’s slagging not just the Les Miserables but an entire class of people simply because they didn’t support his candidate AND couching it as a ‘heartfelt letter’ to his daughter? You’ve got to be kidding me!

Colleen Crowder: He’s speaking to truth, Johnny. Everything he’s saying is true.

Aaron Sorkin: …hate was given hope. Abject dumbness was glamorized as being “the fresh voice of an outsider” who’s going to shake things-

**Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins to play**

Hack’s explodes. Sorkin stops and watches as the Extreme Equalizer bolts down the aisle towards ringside.

Johnny Suave: WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE EXTREME EQUALIZER THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS. IT’S WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Colleen Crowder: Don’t do it!

Sorkin defiantly stands his ground and doesn’t attempt to escape. The Extreme Equalizer launches himself at him with his right arm outstretched.

Johnny Suave: CLOTHESLINE AND DOWN GOES SORKIN!

McAvay and Bryan set up a table. WTF then pulls Sorkin up and drags him over.

Colleen Crowder: DON’T DO IT!

Lifted in the air by the throat, Sorkin is then driven through the table by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot with such force that the table snaps in two cleanly upon impact.

A crowd chant erupts: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! THE EXTREME EQUALIZER JUST CHOKESLAMMED AARON SORKIN THROUGH THE TABLE!

WTF admires his handiwork until more people come flying out from the back.

*“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

Over half of the crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh smugly appears. Limbaugh’s ‘Dittoheads’ stand up and cheer when Limbaugh walks towards ringside and openly laughs at Sorkin- who’s lying in the ruins of a table.

Johnny Suave: Well, here we go. You know Limbaugh is eating up everything that’s gone down here tonight.

Crowd chant: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…”

Rush Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…El Rushbo…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…The Maharushbie…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…With talent on loan from-”

Crowd: “ROB!”

Limbaugh pauses.

Rush Limbaugh: “No.”

Crowd: “BOB!”

Rush Limbaugh: “No!”

Crowd: “MOM!”

Rush Limbaugh: SHUT UP! IT’S GOD YOU IDIOTS…GOD, GOD, GOD! *clears throat* Now, as I was saying in a manner that only I, with my years of broadcast excellence, can say. It’s clear here that the Progressive Alliance and the drive by media are going to do everything possible to delegitimize Donald Trump’s win here tonight. The liberals will fight tooth and nail against Trump because their candidate didn’t win.

Suddenly, the video screen fires up and we take a trip back in time to 2009, one week after PCW CEO Barack Obama was sworn in…

(FILM CLIP- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- January 27th, 2009) *“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

The crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh and the “Queen of Political Extreme” Ann Coulter appear in the spotlight and both begin to walk towards the ring.

Suave: Well, this is not a surprise. Limbaugh has been sparring publicly with the new PCW CEO Barack Obama in the news the last week. And I know Ann Coulter is never for a loss of words.

Crowd: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…

Limbaugh joins Suave in the ring…

Suave: What can I do for you, Mr. Limbaugh?

Rush: We’re both here tonight to say…we told you so. That’s right. It’s taken less than a week for the new PCW CEO Barack Hussein Obama to show his true colors. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. I…WANT…OBAMA…TO…FAIL. Period. I hope he fails.

Suave: Welllllllllll?

Limbaugh smiles ackwardly and tries to back up.

Rush Limbaugh: Now hold on here, that was different…um…I- *ack*

Limbaugh suddenly finds himself in the clutches of one Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Hand on his throat, WTF lifts him into the air and then slams him to the floor.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! HE JUST CHOKESLAMMED RUSH LIMBAUGH!

The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon fans react with another loud chant in unison: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave: What goes around, comes around.

Colleen Crowder: I’d say he definitely deserved that.

Another roar from the crowd. Yet again, another run-in.

Johnny Suave: Now what?

Suave searches and sees the bespectacled man headed towards the ring and realizes who he is.

Johnny Suave: Awww. Not him.

‘Him’ is former MSNBC and Current TV commentator and current host of GQ’s political webshow ‘The Resistance with Keith Olbermann’- Keith Olbermann. And Keith has a megaphone. He runs up to where Limbaugh is splayed out on the floor and points the megaphone down at him.

Keith Olbermann: I WILL LEAD THE RESISTANCE! I AM THE RESISTANCE… I AM *ack*

WTF rolls his eyes and in one swift movement grabs Olbermann by the throat…lifts him up and chokeslams to the floor right next to Limbaugh.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS HE DOING?

The “PCW! PCW! PCW!” chant now echoes all over the bar.

Another figure races onto the stage and leaps down to the floor, racing for the ring.

Johnny Suave: Now what- IT’S THE ‘ONE MAN HOLLYWOOD A-LIST’ STONE CHISM!

The former PCW champion angrily grabs Sorkin’s microphone and glares over at Charlie Blackwell, Ray McAvay, and William Daniels Bryan.

Stone Chism: You know what? It’s bad enough Hillary lost to Donald Trump. But to make it worse…

Chism turns to and points at the Les Miserables at ringside.

Stone Chism: …it’s ALL…YOUR…FAULT!

Blackwell, McAvay, and Bryan return the glare to Chism.

Stone Chism: YOU! YOU DID THIS. AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY.

All three are jumped from behind.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE!

Chism rains down right hands on Blackwell. McAvay gets tackled by the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and James the Jeep Worker delivers a forearm shiver to the back of Bryan. Then everyone gets overrun when the Hollywood Left- many of whom who streamed down from their lofty perch above the ring, attack the trio and the rest of the Les Miserables at ringside.

Chism puts Blackwell in a front facelock, hooks his pants, and lifts him up in the air a la a vertical suplex. But then Chism falls onto his back and plants Blackwell’s head on the mat while remaining vertical.

Johnny Suave: HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER!

The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior whips McAvay into the steel ringpost. James the Jeep Worker slings Bryan into the steel steps. On the other side, there’s a huge skirmish that extends three quarters around the ring between the angry Hollywood elites and the Les Miserables on the floor.

Johnny Suave: THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET SECURITY DOWN HERE TO GET CONTROL OF THIS SITUATION. IT’S ABSOLUTE CHAOS!

PCW Security flood the floor and attempt to restore order.

Johnny Suave: Let’s go to the back.

===============================

BACKSTAGE #1 Inside a dressing room, a diminutive 5 foot 4 inch, ninety pound woman dressed impeccably in a sharp business suit sits on a bench surrounded by her bodyguards and her personal assistant Jerry, who jots down notes as she speaks.

Jill Berg: I feel incredibly humbled right now.

Jill pauses and reflects on her career.

Jill Berg: It’s hard to believe that a little over six years ago, I won the PCW title. When PCW went black in 2012, and even when the fits and starts in 2013 and 2014, and especially after the debacle last year at the PCW Reunion show…honest to God, I never dreamed that I would ever be back in a PCW ring.

Berg stands and paces from one side of the dressing room to another.

Jill Berg: Many things have changed since 2012. I know I’ve changed a lot since I won the PCW title.

Jill nods her head to acknowledge that fact.

Jill Berg: So here I am again. Tonight, the PCW title is on the line with two worthy challengers- Stone Chism and Kirk Walstreit. Both are being pushed hard by their respective groups- Chism by the Progressive Alliance; Walstreit by the American Patriots. But what about the other PCW factions? What about Sports Entertainment Consortium? What about the Les Miserables? What about the independents? Why can’t we have one of their wrestlers in the title match?

Berg pauses again and looks straight into the camera.

Jill Berg: So…CEO Obama…Dawn McGill…let’s do the right thing here and open up the title match to wrestlers outside the dominant Progressive Alliance and American Patriot groups.

============================

Johnny Suave: Wow. Jill Berg looks like she’s in the best shape of her life.

Colleen Crowder: It looks like she’s politicking for a shot at the PCW title.

Johnny Suave: She may very well be. Jill pushed hard to be included in last year’s PCW Reunion show. Well, they’re still trying to restore order here. PCW Security are trying to separate the Les Miserables and the Hollywood group and herd them back to their respective seats. Emotions are obviously still riding high.

Colleen Crowder: In all honesty, the result tonight is going to be hard for a lot of people to digest-

Johnny Suave: Hold on…let’s send it backstage to Paige McGillicutty.

===============================

BACKSTAGE #2 Paige is located in front of a group of angry people.

Paige McGillicutty: Thanks Johnny. Speaking of Dawn McGill, we are just outside her office where a vocal group of Progressive Alliance supporters have gathered around her door.

Some pound on the door.

Some march back and forth shout out chants.

Others pound on the door and shout out chants at the same time.

There’s signs being held up that read ‘Love Trumps Hate’ and ‘#not my PCW CEO.

Paige McGillicutty: As you can see, there’s a good sized demonstration going on. The group is trying to heap pressure on Dawn McGill to override the results of the match between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and anoint Clinton as the new CEO.

Michael Moore is there, egging the protesters on. Hollywood activist Martin Sheen, Debra Messing, James Cromwell, Moby, B.D. Wong, Noah Wylie, Mike Farrell, Loretta Swit, Richard Schiff all urge McGill to use her “…position, the authority and the opportunity to go down in the books as a hero who changed the course of PCW history.”

And there’s also complaints about the ‘Russian referee’ exercising undue influence on the match.

Paige McGillicutty: Dawn McGill is under a lot of pressure from these groups. The overall message is clear- they want McGill to install Hillary Clinton as the new CEO of PCW instead of Donald Trump. The question is- how will she respond? We’ll find out soon enough but first, over to PCW’s Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein who’s covering PCW CEO Barack Obama’s reaction to all this.

=================================

BACKSTAGE #3 A few doors down from McGill’s office, Barack Obama comes out decked out in golf gear. One of his aides lugs along the PCW CEO’s golf bag. He sees Bernstein and stops.

CEO Obama: Woodward?

Woodward Bernstein: Mr. CEO, your thoughts on what’s going on with the protests in front of Dawn McGill’s office.

CEO Obama: Woodward, I am not going to urge Miss McGill to overturn the match result from earlier tonight. I hope we all take a breath, that’s what I’m going to advise the Progressive Alliance to do, and reflect on how we can get to a place where we can all work together, have a conversation about policy that doesn’t demonize others, and channel the basic decency and goodness of everyone.

Woodward Bernstein: And what about tonight’s PCW title match?

CEO Obama: You know what, I’ll let Miss McGill figure that one out. So now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tee time to make.

Woodward Bernstein: Thank you.

And with that, Obama leaves with his group.

Woodward Bernstein: There you have it. The question is now- will Dawn McGill change the result of the CEO match? And will she add other wrestlers to tonight’s main event for the PCW title? Back to you Johnny.

=================================

LIVE Back to Suave and Colleen at ringside.

Johnny Suave: While we were away, Kirk Walstreit and the American Patriots came to the ring and so did the Sports Entertainment Consortium…there’s like a million people at ringside right now.

It’s not quite a ‘million people’ but the ring is now completely surrounded by three distinct factions: the Progressive Alliance/Hollywood faction, the American Patriots, and the Les Miserables. Referee Davey Keels is in the ring, presumably to referee the PCW title match.

Colleen Crowder: How can there be the title match with all these people at ringside?

**BLACK SABOTAGE**

Nine hundred heads suddenly turn towards the stage. Dawn McGill, looking none too pleased at how the night has evolved, walks out to the middle of the stage with microphone in hand and a sheet of paper in the other. Trailing behind her are the PCW Executive Committee: American Patriots’ leaders Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan and the Progressive Alliance’s Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.

Johnny Suave: I think we’re about to find out.

Dawn McGill: Okay. You know, I get it that the battle between Mr. Trump and Ms. Clinton was incredibly divisive and that’s probably a hell of an understatement. However…now that the match is over and Trump won, there are some people who are…how shall I say…dissatisfied…with the result. Over the past few minutes, I have been I have been inundated with death threats, death wishes, generally angry messages trying to get me to change the result of the match to Hillary Clinton.

McGill reads from the sheet of paper.

Dawn McGill: My favorite was ‘if you don’t change the result, do us all a favor and throw yourself in front of a bus.

She looks out at the crowd.

Dawn McGill: I just have one thing to say to these…people…grow the *BLEEP* up. That’s right. I said it. Grow the *BLEEP* up. Seriously. Just grow the *BLEEP* up. Eight years ago, Barack Obama won and became the CEO of PCW and we didn’t have anything like this take place. Four years ago, Obama defeated Mitt Romney and we didn’t have anything like this take place. Sometimes in life, the person I root for wins. Sometimes in life, the person I root for doesn’t win. Trump won. Period. So, NO! I will not be making any changes with the PCW CEO.

Dawn gets a mostly positive, somewhat mixed reception from the crowd.

Dawn McGill: Now…about the PCW title match. I understand that the PCW Executive Committee agreed on just Kirk Walstreit versus Stone Chism.

McConnell, Ryan, Pelosi, and Reid all nod ‘yes.’

Dawn McGill: However, in the spirit of what’s happened here tonight, I think it is only right to make a slight modification to the match.

The Executive Committee seems surprised at this.

Dawn McGill: I am going to add to the match a former PCW Champion and former PCW Television Champion to represent the independents and the Average Joes who played a huge part of what’s gone down here tonight- ‘THE PRAIRIE POPULIST’ WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN!

Bryan turns and hauls off and nails Chism with a huge right hand.

Dawn McGill: THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE PCW TITLE! FIRST FALL WINS!

Johnny Suave: HERE WE GO!

===========================

MAIN EVENT- PCW TITLE MATCH- First Fall Wins Referee: Davey Keels

‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (Progressive Alliance)- former PCW Champion and 2 time PCW Television Champion- Valets are Paris and Nicole aka the Skanky Rich Bimbos. HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225, HOME: Hollywood, CA / FIN: Hollywood Blockbuster

Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots)- ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ Managed by the King of Greed Gordon Guyko. HT: 6’-2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY / FIN: Stock Market Plunge

William Daniels Bryan (Independent)– ‘The Prairie Populist’ Former PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion. HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

============================

The bell sounds and referee Davey Keels tries to get the three combatants into the ring. But the One Man Hollywood A-List is still nursing the right hand shot William Daniels Bryan delivered to him a few seconds back. He holds back and waits while Bryan and Kirk Walstreit both climb through the ropes.

Walstreit makes a detour to climb up the corner turnbuckle so he can hold up the velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit to show off to the crowd.

Johnny Suave: For some reason, that just seems a little creepy.

Bryan races forward and drives a forearm to Walstreit’s back. The velvet painting goes flying out of the ring and Walstreit loses his balance and falls to the mat. Walstreit leaps back to his feet and unloads a right hand to Bryan. Bryan responds with forearm shot to the jaw. Walstreit throws another right. Bryan with another forearm. Walstreit goes boot to the gut and Bryan bends over. Walstreit then drops a lumbering right hand on the back of Bryan’s neck and drives him to a knee.

Johnny Suave: Walstreit wins the early duel. But where the hell is Stone Chism?

Colleen Crowder: I’m sure the Progressive Alliance has this all planned out Johnny.

Indeed, Chism confers with both Reid and Pelosi outside the ring. Also at ringside with Chism are the Skanky Rich Bimbos Paris and Nicole.

Johnny Suave: I prefer McAvay’s valets Stormy and Starbrite myself.

Colleen Crowder: Sexist pig.

Johnny Suave: Yeah, whatever.

Walstreit clotheslines Bryan up and over the top rope to the floor and then slides under the bottom rope. He picks a kneeling Bryan up and flings him into a chair by the steel barricade. Chism comes up from behind and whips an unsuspecting Walstreit into the other corner- Walstreit’s back arches over the unyielding steel barricade. Chism walks right over and lays on the boots.

In the other corner, Bryan gets jumped by the Progressive Alliance’s Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and James the Jeep Worker. Both men rain down punches on a helpless Bryan who’s trapped in the corner with nowhere to go.

Johnny Suave: Bryan’s in big trouble! It’s clear that the Progressive Alliance are still very upset with them.

Colleen Crowder: And who can blame them, Johnny?

Johnny Suave: Perhaps if the New York Times would have actually done a story about the plight of middle America instead of pursuing a narrative to suit their agenda, you would understand why the Les Miserables did what they did tonight. Perhaps tonight’s result would not have been such a surprise if you’d simply acknowledged what ordinary Americans care about, rather than pushing the limited agenda of your editors.

Colleen Crowder: We discussed that in a meeting.

Johnny Suave: And?

Colleen Crowder: It didn’t fit our narrative.

Johnny Suave: Well, maybe your editors need to come down from their New York City skyscraper and join the rest of the country.

The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and James the Jeep Worker roll Bryan back into the ring and drape him neck first over the top rope. James climbs onto the ring apron, then up on the corner turnbuckle. He springs, leaps, and drops a leg across Bryan’s neck slingshotting the Prairie Populist off the top rope landing back first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: DIVING GUILLOTINE LEG DROP!

Meanwhile, Walstreit and Chism brawl near the bar area, displacing a couple tables along the way. Walstreit boots Chism in the gut. Right hand to the square of the back sends Chism to the mat. Walstreit shoos away a couple patrons to give him space, scoops up Chism, and slams him to the floor. Then Walstreit climbs up top of the bar. He balances himself and drops an elbow causing Chism to reflexively bring his knees up as the pain courses through him.

Johnny Suave: WATCH OUT!

Kathryn Randall Collins and GreenPete from the Progressive Alliance run in. KRC has a cake pan in her hand and shouts at Walstreit to turn around. Walstreit obliges and Collins whaps him over the head with the pan. *WHAP* KRC with a cake pan shot to middle of Walstreit’s back. She grabs an arm and whips the Wall Street Market Analyst into the bar.

Johnny Suave: Whip to the bar! AND HERE COMES TEXAS JACK!

It’s the American Patriot’s turn to deploy the troops. Texas Jack and former 2 time PCW Champion and PCW Television Champion Starz N. Stripes rush down the aisle to Walstreit’s aid right as KRC nails Walstreit over the head again with the cake pan and follows up by smacking him across the face with the pan.

Colleen Crowder: OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE!

Texas Jack lariats KRC from behind. She hits hard on the floor. The cake pan flies off and becomes someone’s souvenir.

Colleen Crowder: OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE! HEY REFEREE, THEY’RE CHEAT-

Johnny Suave: Yeah, that train left the station a long, long time ago.

Texas Jack lifts Collins in the air and tosses her headfirst towards the bar.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S NOT RIGHT!

Starz N. Stripes throws down with Chism and more patrons near the bar give way to give the two space.

Johnny Suave: This is an old PCW battle from a few years ago. These two are not strangers to each other.

William Daniels Bryan is in deep trouble. Not only has the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and James the Jeep Worker delivered a first rate ass-whupping to him, several members of the Hollywood elites are now in the ring getting their shots in.

Help is sort of on its way. Fellow Les Miserables Ray McAvay and Charlie Blackwell attempt to get to the ring but they are bogged down on the outside brawling with other Hollywood elites.

Johnny Suave: BRYAN’S IN TROUBLE AND HE NEEDS HELP.

Colleen Crowder: It serves him right-

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone. The man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Johnny Suave (v/o): THE SELF-MADE ENTREPRENEUR FROM NEW YORK CITY’S FINANCIAL DISTRICT IS COMING TO THE RING!

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: THE PHENOMENON KNOWN AS-

The crowd is rocking and a chant of “JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!” fills the bar.

Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Johnny Suave: JILL BERG IS HERE!

“JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!”

Johnny Suave: AND THEY’RE NOT PUMPING IN THE CROWD NOISE EITHER!

Colleen Crowder (confused): Huh?

Berg slips off her expensive heels and suddenly breaks away from the procession. Racing to the ring, she climbs up onto the corner turnbuckle and then launches herself through the air. Extending her feet, she nails an unsuspecting Ultimate Social Justice Warrior flush on the side of his jaw and sends him flying backwards. USJW nearly flips over feet first over the top rope.

*SMACK*

Berg whips around and snaps the James the Jeep Worker’s head to the side with a spinning heel kick. The Hollywood stars still in the ring get a look at Berg and immediately bail.

However Jack Taylor, manager of James the Jeep Worker, advances towards Berg…

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: OH! JILL BERG JUST TOOK JACK TAYLOR’S HEAD OFF!

…which proves to be a poor choice. Taylor does an awkward pirouette after taking a spinning heel kick to the mush and crumples to the mat.

McAvay and Blackwell finally get some space and take off towards the bar.

Colleen Crowder: THERE’S TOO MUCH OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE!

Berg’s bodyguards removes the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and James the Jeep Worker from the ring. Bryan tries to regain his senses. And then…

Johnny Suave: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.

The Millennial Man…yes…that Millennial Man…sneaks out to the ring like that guy in the Conan the Barbarian movie who would come out after Conan won a battle and stab Conan’s fallen opponent after he was dead.

Colleen Crowder: You have to give him points for persistence, Johnny.

Millennial Man rolls into the ring and thinks he’s in the clear.

*SMACK*

Until a bemused Jill Berg, who watched him the entire time he was coming to the ring, whips around and nails Millennial Man with a spinning heel kick.

Johnny Suave: Well…I guess you can’t blame him for trying.

Referee Davey Keels starts to count the others out.

“1.”

Johnny Suave: DAVEY KEELS HAS STARTED THE COUNT!

Bryan pulls himself up using the ring ropes. Walstreit (with Texas Jack and Starz N. Stripes) and Chism (Kathryn Randall Collins/GreenPete) are ensconced in a war near the bar…

“2.”

…not realizing that they are being counted out.

“3.”

Colleen Crowder: What happens if Walstreit and Chism are counted out?

Johnny Suave: That’s going to be a good question.

“4.”

Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan (American Patriots), Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) frantically make their way over to the bar area.

“5.”

McConnell/Ryan, Reid/Pelosi all shout at their respective charges to get back to the ring.

“6.”

Johnny Suave: They’re running out of time!

But who. Walstreit and Chism push off assorted opponents and try to go back to the ring.

“7.”

Chism shoulder checks Walstreit out of his way and sprints forward.

“8.”

At a full run, Chism leaps up onto the ring apron…

“9.”

…and throws himself over the top rope- just beating the count. Chism rolls and then stands up. *SMACK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! CRANE KICK! CRANE KICK! CRANE KICK!

As Chism sorted himself, Bryan maneuvered into position. He spread his arms wide like Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid…raised his left leg in the air…and the second Chism turned to face him, pushed off his right foot propelling himself up and then snapping his right foot off Chism’s jaw sending the One Man Hollywood A-List right to the mat.

Colleen Crowder: Oh…that was good.

Bryan rolls Chism over…hooks the leg. Keels slides in with the count…1…2…3.

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

The biggest pop of the night erupts as Les Miserables flood the ring. Ring announcer Kimber Marshall doesn’t even bother to try to climb in. She does the announcement from ringside.

Kimber Marshall: YOUR WINNER AT TEN MINUTES AND FIFTY SECONDS…AND NEW…P-C-W CHAMPION…’THE PRAIRIE POPULIST’ WILLIAM…DANIELS…BRYAN!

Davey Keels hands Bryan the PCW title belt and the new champion hoists it into the air.

Johnny Suave: WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN HAS JUST BECOME A TWO-TIME PCW CHAMPION!

“PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave: Donald Trump will be the new CEO of PCW and William Daniels Bryan is the new PCW Champion. It was a bad night for the establishment- both the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance. We will return on January 15th for the return of…that’s right- a brand new edition of…PCW’s Extreme Political TV where we will crown NEW PCW Tag Team Champions.

Suave turns to Colleen.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, see you in two weeks?

Colleen Crowder: Johnny. Tonight was quite the learning experience. Yes, I will be here in two weeks.

Johnny Suave: All right, until then. For Colleen Crowder, low level reporter at the New York Times trying to make a name for herself-

Colleen Crowder: Do you really have to say it like that?

Johnny Suave: I am the ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave. We will see you on January 15th.

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