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hoseoksluna · 4 months ago

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SMOKE, i. | myg

pairing: idol!yoongi x smoke!oc (ft. bangtan)

genre: angst

word count: 6.8k

summary: everything that begins also ends.

pinterest board: smoke / taglist: join

warnings: suicide ideation, yoongi has deep feelings that he hasn't felt in a long time, sexual innuendos, yoongi has brief dirty thoughts, alcohol consumption, talks of alcohol, social anxiety and feelings of anxiety in general, jungkook has mint hair, covid and the pandemic, talking to a dead loved one, jealousy, envy, anger, crying, yoongi's bad shoulder.

note: welcome to the brand new yoongi series! i can't believe this baby is alive and ready for you to read. i struggled with this a lot, since it's written in a way i've never tried before. yoongi's pov, first person—like what? i thought this chapter was pretty shitty as i didn't feel comfortable writing in this style, but i pushed through, felt like it was meant to be—which is why i need tons of your validation. i was also kinda sad today, so please send your love. :( fyi, jungkook may be a huge part of the beginning of this story, but this is not steam pt 2. jungkook won't be present as much later on. no polyamory here. *spoiler* he just brought oc to yoongi and then he will lovingly go away, dw. :) enjoy this first chapter, i can't wait for many more! kisses.

side note: happy bday to us! mwah.

It was a bang, what happened in our group.

A bomb that blew off in Jungkookie’s trembling hands when he shared the news. A decision that wasn’t really collectively discussed, not even privately with Namjoon—but an information that erupted among us as we sat in the lounge room of the venue, refreshing ourselves with snacks and drinks after the tough soundcheck we had. I had a bottle of Hennessy in my hands myself, about to pour myself some liquid courage in order to chase away the bitter ire I had swirling in my veins, but hearing his words made me forget about the nectar right away.

He was bringing along a female friend for the tour.

The ire turned sour in my bloodstream.

He must’ve lost his mind.

And what’s worse, I was the only one who looked at him as if he were a lunatic. The members squealed and hollered, clapping their hands, shouting different variations of words of, “Jungkookie got a girlfriend!” that made him blush so profusely that he wasn’t able to reciprocate any of our eye contact.

Especially not mine.

I was fuming, taking breaths that hurt my lungs. The bottle of liquid courage damn nearly broke, but I didn’t feel a thing. How could I—when amidst the ruckus and the soft smiles of our staff my feelings parted and melted into a crossroad that I began to stand in the middle of.

One way led to selfishness, the other to the very polar opposite of it.

Jungkook didn’t deal with the pandemic well. His skin was invariably lined with a certain sensitivity towards forlornness and when the mandate forced upon him a pressure of being abandoned—by us and by his long time flirt that was the driving force behind his creativity, besides Army themselves—he didn’t take it well. Crawled inside himself, even deeper within when our management canceled our Map of the Soul tour and we had to stay bricked up inside our homes for a full year.

He was crestfallen and despondent, a decaying human. No girlfriend, no Army. No band members to slap his back, cook him food and distract his mind from the loneliness.

Except for me.

I was the one who made time for him. Who visited him, despite our management’s strong disliking for it. I went around them and did it without anyone’s knowledge but Jungkook’s. With a mask and health in perfect condition that I took care of more for him than for anyone else. Our relationship blossomed to highs that overgrew the bricked walls of our mandatory, artificial castle. A peach honeysuckle vine that we watched as much as we could while I wrote poems to him in my heart to alleviate his ache. It was spring and one, singular hummingbird would fly in to listen to my words while inhaling the sweetened perfume of those pale orange flowers or the fragrance of the natural honey I would buy him and pour over the pancakes I would make for him. A comfort food, a symbol of our secret meetings. A butterfly would sit on the small creature’s back, just to look over its wings and be a witness to a mind’s mending, an afternoon’s tea mixed with dark liquor that would always fade to noraebang.

The key to Jungkook’s heart.

I don’t know how the little fella found us, but I wish his wings would sense us here. There’s no windows for him to look out of, but the craving in me for it to fly in and save the day, remind Jungkook who’s been here for him this whole time, blossoms in me just like those peach flowers.

The castle has collapsed a tiny bit, but the honeysuckle remains untouched.

Or at least I hope so.

The other, non-selfish way is simple. Our work had been put off for so long and now that we’re able to pick it back up—in a way that isn’t as satisfactory as I’d want it to be, of course, for the only faces we’ll be seeing beyond the stage are the ones of camera lenses, not the ones belonging to our beautiful Army—there’s a distraction, an external person who could never understand the gravity of that pain we all went through.

This was supposed to be a precious time shared between us. Another mending of some sort—as our job is the chambers of our hearts.

And now as I look at her, I feel her playing with those strings of my heart like a harp. And I have that terrible feeling that she will open the doors to each chamber and ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for.

In spite of the fact that she didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a gut feeling that consumes me and I can’t do a thing about it, not even admit that it gives me the tiniest hint of a thrill that I’ve been craving for so long.

Jungkook wasn’t the only one affected by the loneliness that came with the mandate. I gave my all to him and always walked out of his door empty—with no one to refill me.

Performing again was supposed to do the job, but it seems as though she’s come in to hijack it.

Announcement, the ruffling of his hair and multitudes of teasing aside, we had an hour and half left until the beginning of our first show in Seoul. Jungkook left us, with cheeks as darkened as poppies in the summer, with a staff member and our bodyguard to pick her up at a designated meeting spot nearby. He hadn’t eaten all day—not before our dismal soundcheck and certainly not during our hair and makeup session. A ribbon of worry curled tightly in my gut that unfurled once he filled his plate with hotdogs after introducing her to us.

No shaking of hands, only Jungkook’s hand pointing at each member while his mouth gave life to their names. And she didn’t nod her head, not even once, as she moved to greet and smile at every face, which caused me to think that she either already knew of us, either due to our popularity or due to Jungkook’s stories—or both.

But when it was my turn, her smile faltered.

I didn’t see much of her face, for she wore a black mask. And the only part of her features I was able to see spoke to me in a foreign language I was too pissed off to decipher.

Feline eyes.

Round and wispy, so terribly cat-like that it cut through my heartstrings she played with and then abandoned. She held my gaze so unfathomably deeply and it wasn’t until she whisked her eyes away that I realized she, irrevocably, clutched time in her hands. It had stopped during that brief moment and resumed as if nothing happened.

It unnerved me.

As did my strange feelings as I took in the personality of her outer form.

She wore a long silky dress, as black as her energy and her hair nearly akin to the length of that garment. Its hem brushed against her ankles with every movement she made and her feet were shod in a pair of heels that would puncture my heart if she so much as wished so. Over her shoulder hung a matching, leather purse and I noticed something that bruised, most peculiarly, my flesh.

The clasp of her chain strap had a chubby Grookey Pokémon caged as a keychain.

I found it as adorable as absolutely dangerous. Still do as my eyes can’t help but to watch it twirl.

She’s a dangerous black cat, with her claws tucked in. And the entire night coils in her eyes, dressing her in innocence and a simultaneous seductiveness that make my lungs swell.

A quintessence of beauty, she is.

After the introduction is over, Jungkook pulls out a chair for her beside him, sitting down and not wasting a second as he stuffs his mouth full with one of the hotdogs. The monkey bounces with her movement and it’s only now that my brain puts two and two together. The monster almost matches the minty tinge of Jungkook’s dyed hair with its plump, green body.

None of them know that I match him, too.

A leaf of the same plant swirls in my glass of whiskey.

And the notion of iciness that it adds to the bitterness of the liquid turns to ash in my mouth as I take a sip. I, myself, sit on the armrest on the couch, alone—but not alone physically. Hobi rests, leisurely, next to me and she’s stolen glances at him more times than I like. Looked at him while completely avoiding the ring of protectiveness I’ve conjured around myself.

She does good, but it spreads fire to the strangeness of my feelings that I can’t name.

Is she throwing a rope around another one of the boys? Her claws itching to rise?

Who’s next?

I sigh as she laughs, softly, at something Namjoon says and it deepens my ire. Namjoon should’ve made order as the leader of our group. Should’ve said no to Jungkook at the unfolding of his news and keep the number of our group to seven. Especially when our time together is this precious.

Not chatting her up and coaxing that wonderful sound out of her.

“Can we get you anything to drink?” Namjoon asks, waving his hand in the direction of the alcohol station out far in the left corner of the lounge room. A mint plant mocks me as my eyes flick to it while I take another sip. The reason why it’s there in the first place is because Jimin likes his mojitos.

He sips on it like it’s a Capri-Sun as I swallow the dark liquid after swirling it in my mouth for a moment, the bitterness doing nothing to stifle my ire.

“No,” she says, feebly, brushing her fingers down the length of her ebony hair before tossing it over her shoulder, giving me a perfect look of one singular strand that has been dyed in the same pale green color that is suffused all though Jungkook’s hair. The shade, but darker, more sinister, imbues my blood with envy. It’s not that soft color, redolent of spring meadows, by any chance. It’s an ancient, vague memory of a forest once in full bloom that is now withering and dying at dusk. How long has he been seeing her that they reached this base? “I don’t drink hard liquor, but thank you.”

Namjoon licks his lips, spreading his arms over the two empty chairs beside him. “Ah,” he laments, smiling at her, gently. “You don’t drink at all?”

Jungkook lifts his head from his plate, laughing through his nose as he chews his food, his mouth forming into that bunny smile of his. He knows something I don’t and my green blood boils.

The cat girl grins, her head twisted in Jungkook’s direction when she laughs, the skin under her chin rounding out, and my chest tightens in endearment at the sight of it.

The cutest fucking double chin I ever have the eyes to see.

Fuck.

“Oh, she drinks,” Jungkook says, his words muffled due to his full cheeks, the food inside showing as he continues to be all smiles.

The cat girl pinches his arm, but owing to the thick fluffiness of his jumper, she doesn't reach skin, and therefore doesn't inflict the pain she intended. Jungkook pretends to moan in pain, anyway. My chest tightens again—this time for a beat longer.

An oddity flies through my vision, slicing through my envy.

Her claws sinking into my bare skin as I let her playfulness out—

I shake that picture out of my head as quickly as it arrives, running my fingers through my strands that had fallen in front of my eyes. The girl helps my effort by speaking, distracting me from the faint rush of lust that begins to course down my body.

I can’t get hard.

“Yeah, I only drink wine,” she reveals, coyness entwining around her tone, and she kneads her hands, struggling with her straight posture.

Another distraction, one that softens, most peculiarly, my lust.

If I were born with deaf ears, I would’ve known she was fighting through her shyness by one glance at her body language and I don’t blame her.

She doesn’t have only seven pairs of eyes watching her. She’s the apple of fifteen more if I include our staff, sound engineers and our management.

If I weren’t the person I was and if this wasn’t my job, I would have run the first chance I got. A certain admiration envelops my heart the more I study her toy with her fingers, soothingly, because of a reason that aches to admit.

A reason far from plain.

She’s the same as me. Uncomfortable by and disliking any public event with people involved, especially if you’re put in a position to talk.

A bond forms and I can’t stop it. I can’t rip it apart even as I willfully try in my headspace to cut off that red string tied around my heart, leading to hers. I can’t because she eventually slouches, giving up, her spine protruding towards me through the open back of her dress, for she’s turned her body towards Namjoon, who sits at the head of the table, but I figure she did it in order to be closer to Jungkook to gain some comfort from him. The skin of her back is refulgent and tanned, scattered with little blemishes that connect, like constellations, to a night sky full of birthmarks, and that only add to her beauty.

Her whole back is filled with them, stirring my wonder. And, unknowingly, she let me see by sweeping her hair to one side. I wonder if Jungkook has seen them and appreciates them as much as I do—

Jungkook burps, obscenely loudly, setting down Hobi’s unfinished can of Sprite that he left on the table. I’m sure Hobi’s regretting making that mistake, but when I look at him, he’s smiling so widely that I can see his gums and I’m so astounded by that view that I’m thrown off my balance.

Even more so, when I check the reactions of the other members and begin to feel shame descending down my own spine like cold sweat. Jimin has hearts thumping in his eyes, raising his hand in the girl cat’s direction, connecting with her as he says he loves a good bubbly. Taehyung, sitting on the direct opposite side of Jungkook by the table with his arms crossed and his face flushed intones that tonight after the show he will break his sobriety streak. Jin joins the table and flicks Taehyung’s forehead, tells him he doesn’t have to break anything while taking a huge bite of his banana. And Namjoon… he laughs, hands intertwined upon the back of his head.

The whole table laughs, in fact.

Hobi does beside me, too.

I’m the only one who doesn’t, steeped in my uncertainty as I am.

They all bask in comfort and gaiety. There’s no awkwardness, no unspoken words or silence that hangs heavily in the air. There’s no need for our hummingbird; no need to change directions, play pretend or act accordingly to the new situation because there’s absolutely nothing new about the atmosphere I find myself to be in. Everything is as if it were just the seven of us.

Making jokes, lighthearted energy, connections lengthening and digging deep…

I haven’t seen that, been a part of that in so long.

I was wrong—and the shame, stemming from my wrong impression and unwarranted fear, washes out the envy from my blood. It stands, arm to arm, with my life-long emptiness and I bow my head down, licking my lips.

I wish to exit myself out of this room.

I wish my heart wasn’t so sensitive.

I wish—

“It’s her birthday today and I bought so many bottles of champagne and wine,” Jungkook says, running his tongue over his teeth, and my head lifts; my heart enlarges before it shrinks, painfully, magnifying my shame until it grazes the flesh like a shard. It’s her birthday? “I’ll need your help, guys. We’re not celebrating here tonight. After the show, we’re going to my place.”

It’s not peach honeysuckle that I’m thinking of. Not pancakes. Not our hummingbird and butterfly as the boys cheer all over again, wishing her happy birthday.

It’s her that I’m thinking of.

And how much I messed up.

He brought her here to make her birthday special—to be with her on the day that carries her name, not to replace me.

It explains why she’s so magnificently dressed up; why she’s putting her feet through so much pain in those heels of hers.

Just for one night. And I’ve managed to ruin it so majestically with my energy. No wonder she won’t look at me; no wonder her eyes won’t even sweep past me en route to Hobi’s chocolate fountain that his eyes emanate.

Mine are nothing but death. I don’t blame the decline of her smile as her pools met it. A kitty cat that looked at the face of a skull. It symbolized the end of time and now I perceive that it epitomizes the end of me.

The longer she’s present, the more I loosen the consuming negativity that I’ve lived for so long in compliance with—because now I’m soft.

I’m gutted I made her feel awful to be here with my dark energy.

“Jungkook, you should’ve told us that was the reason why you brought her along. We would have welcomed you with a happy birthday song,” Namjoon says, his palm lifted towards Jungkook and her while his other hand reminds behind his head.

I can’t see her smile. Not even a hint of it in her eyes, for this time around she doesn’t turn around to steal a glance at Hobi. And I wish she would, with a strength that I’m in awe that I’m even possessing, because I find myself yearning to look at her face, amidst my softness.

I misjudged her so terribly that the yearning doubles as she presses her hands against her cheeks amidst the overbearing attention. Becomes a need—a need to fix what I so unfairly have broken.

And jealousy thunderstrikes in my system when Jungkook bumps his shoulder into hers, gently, his head tipped low, fixed in her direction as she struggles, once again, in her shyness. Straightens her spine just in time for Jungkook to curl a finger around her ear and take off her black mask.

I’m so jealous everyone else gets to see her face fully that indignation supersedes my past ire and my softness and I’m quickly up on my feet, ready to walk out to breathe in some fresh air but something else steps into my plan.

And it’s not her.

It could never be her.

Staffs members circle around us, guiding us out of the room to wire us up. But I stall my time, purposefully staying behind so I can look at her. I pretend to exercise my pain from my shoulder surgery by rolling it and making a face. Jungkook whispers something to her, her face pointed upwards as he stands before her while she remains sitting and I’m so bothered by it that it calls out the pain, incites it to come haunt me again.

Everyone else had something to say to her—and yet I still haven’t, owing to my foolish mistake. Self-hatred fastens to my anger and I can’t breathe, my lack of knowing what to say to her when the time comes worsening my feelings.

The boys leave the room and it’s just me and her. The staff member knows not to push me, but the pressure in her eyes is the driving force that takes my legs to the kitty girl.

She sits so awfully forlornly in her chair, reminds me so much of Jungkook, her spine back to slouching, that marvelous pillar protruding again and my lungs do that thing they seem to automatically do whenever I see that part of her.

She hears my footfalls as I approach her, but she doesn’t turn around. I ignore the way it makes me feel, the heaviness that comes with it, too. She, in most probability, thinks I’m walking out of this room without saying a word to her, but I’m not capable of that.

Not anymore.

I call out her name and, in surprise, she lifts her spine. Turns around, at last, the sleek fabric of the dress adding swiftness to the movement and I see her face. Her full mouth that compliments, most perfectly, her big feline eyes. And I think about how much her dark, sensual energy doesn’t mirror her personality, her coyness that hides inside until someone speaks to her. Her chin is so small that my fist would still be empty if I held it in the way my body asks for, but the look she gives me diminishes the lust that slowly begins to crawl again within me.

It’s one that bears a different kind of shyness. It’s fear-induced respect and the hatred towards myself thickens.

I don’t want her to feel this way, but I molded it in her.

It’s my fault.

It’s why I think twice before I tell my fingers no, for they ache to drum against the top edge of her chair in effort to linger in her proximity. I won’t encourage her discomfort when I yearn to wipe it clean. But when she inhales my prolonged silence and raises her thin brows in waiting, the tiniest sliver of a smile quivering on her lips, she doesn’t know it—but she somehow gives me the words I was lacking.

“Did Jungkook tell you where to go?” I ask, softly, fearing her knees will turn away from me, her body language divulging to me the depth of her uneasiness around me. But she remains put, the pillows of her lips balancing at last as they stretch out in a small grin that I don’t deserve.

Her slender nose crinkles.

My heart forgets to beat.

“No, he told me to wait here and that Min-ji will take me to a room where I can watch you, guys, perform on the TV,” she says, her grin making it difficult for her to get the words out and she blushes. There must be some other, silent language shared between our bodies because I discover myself smiling, too, even though there’s nothing from her sentence that can possibly be the cause of it.

The energy shifts, devastatingly, and heat clings to my skin, dispersing relief down my nerve endings.

All while buzzing tingles chase it, hastily, grabbing it by the back of its shirt and consuming it.

It’s strange, so terribly strange to be consumed by nervousness when I’ve been used to nothingness and emptiness for so long.

And her eyes seem to grow bigger, despite the irrepressible dynamism of her fear. Is she gaining thrill out of it—to be staring at the face of breaking death like the small kitten she is and knowing it’s her power that influences me?

Those eyes. If my ears weren’t bombarded by Hobi’s sound effects wafting down the hall and into the lounge room, mingling with the rise and fall of Jungkook’s voice as he warms it up, I swear I can hear the song of swallows in them. She’s a manifestation of a summer evening in her fear and nervousness, when those birds go mad in the tender blues and pinks of the sky—and I don’t know why I like it so much. Why I want to seize it in my hand and squeeze it.

And she’s about to be all alone here with it while I go join the rest of my brothers.

It’s something that doesn’t feel right.

The staff member taps me on my back. Time is against me—why doesn’t she control it? I swivel behind me to catch her nodding her chin in the direction of the hall and I sigh, quietly.

“Wait with her until Min-ji comes to get her, so she’s not alone here,” I tell her, then look down at the kitty girl again.

Her raised brows create wrinkles on her forehead and once she sees that I’ve noticed, she relaxes, wetting her lips. Doesn't want me to see the surprise that comes from what she created in me.

How cute.

“Enjoy the show,” I murmur, moving my feet towards the exit. I gaze back at her, catch her lungs shuddering, and the words slip off my tongue before I scramble the courage to stop them. “And happy birthday.”

Her blush reaches her neck and it’s all my vision consists of—even when I’m performing.

Our interaction was too short. Too, too short. And my anger took on a new face.

Hers.

Every word I rapped as I stared into the camera, I felt it dissolving in me and transforming into a yearning so great that my verses gained new meaning. A yearning to see her again, talk to her, pinch that fear in my fingers and fling it away, make space for something in her that had the vigor to surprise me and make me soft again. And in my concentration, I didn’t have the fight in me to put a stop to it. I was doing my duty for the happiness of our Army and while I thought about her, it seemed right. Those two things went along and it spurred a pleasant feeling in me that was warmer than the adrenaline sticking to my inflamed body from all the performing.

It didn’t hit me that she was watching me the whole time until my eyes regarded her unperturbed, flaccid posture in that white plastic chair, wading in my thoughts as I was. Her grin and the flecks of light in her eyes illuminate the room with orange, blazing fire. She’s barefoot, her heels kicked to the side, crooked, elegiac, yet still sensuous. Our show is being rerun on the TV and she’s watching it, transfixed, not realizing me and Jungkook were the first to come to her out of the group.

A mental connection clicks in my brain at the sight of it. The peach blossoms of the honeysuckle, Jungkook and the genuine love I carry for him. It is that orange color—it’s a home that keeps it safe, the atmosphere that she exudes through her evident elation and I don’t really understand why I feel this way.

I haven’t even known her for a day.

And it’s forced to collapse when her pools don’t find mine, but Jungkook’s once we walk in, joining her. She holds up her hand in the air, curling down her middle and ring fingers in while the rest of her digits remain erect, small and slim as they are. Her nose crunches up in the way it did when our bodies spoke in that secret language. And when she laughs and the corners of her eyes crinkle, I realize she’s mimicking his gesture that he so often does on stage while showing off his Army tattoo.

The finger-fucking gesture.

Her blush beams on her face, even more so when she does a stroking movement with her curled fingers, and I can’t help but wonder, briefly, if that’s how she does it to herself when she’s all alone and the night sinks inside her skin to get a refill of her juices, only to smear it across the sky.

It’s what I need to focus on, so I don’t explode in anger that she ignores me.

Jungkook cackles, sticking out his tongue and doing the gesture. I hide my face in my towel, getting rid of the sweat coating me—but it pours out of my pores again when I hear her giggle.

And I need to leave, my imagination no longer strong enough to withstand the jealousy that poisons my blood all over again.

I fling the towel out and away from me, not caring where it lands.

I don’t meet any eyes as I walk out, keeping my sight fixed on the gray floor, streaked with black lines from the hundreds of wheels of carts that have drove down the hall and from all the sneakers that have walked past. I follow them and I don’t know where they take me until I’m suddenly face to face with the gaping night.

And it’s not her.

It’s my wound.

No stars for a naked pupil to see. Merely an abounding canvas of blackness that stares back at me and questions me, questions my feelings when it knows full well how hard I’ve wept, many times, in its airy embrace.

I sit against the wall, needing something solid to support me, the spaciousness of the roof enveloping me, but not tightly enough. There, but never close enough—always a safe distance apart, as if afraid of me.

Everyone is so always fucking afraid of me.

And when they lean in and graze my heart, they get repulsed by me.

It’s an ouroboros that my life, like my legs, follows. Like a dog chasing its own tail—and it’s such a perfect comparison because I’ve always been alone, save for my brothers. Distracted for a while, then alone again.

I’m weary of it, despite the fact my body tends to wait for the thrill of the attention, longs for it, even when I dislike it. I’m an oxymoron that won’t cease and I have to live with it.

And I can’t exit out of it because I have millions of lives that depend on me, plus six more.

I sigh and I think sucking on a cigarette, numbly, while I crawl on my knees through the forest of my thoughts and feelings would be a thing of perfection. But I can’t afford that. Not when we’re working again. Not when our boss lurks at every corner, has eyes everywhere. Jungkook has had his last hotdog for a while and I…

I swathed my broken strings around someone he brought into my life.

Through a little hole my brothers let me see by forcing her to sit through a conversation that was a pain for her. A moonlight stripe of her personality, encased by her social anxiety and shyness. One that has awakened my body to emotions it hasn’t felt the touch of in a long time.

Why am I not fighting it?

Why am I not coercing my soul into submission, into that abyss of emptiness and hostility?

Why am I letting myself feel?

She’s just a girl that he’s seeing. Many stories like these have been written before and we’ve read the lines, recognized words that limned us, only for the love interest to disappear into thin air after some time like she never existed. And she’d just be another character in his love chronicles, if her persona hadn’t spoken to me so much.

If her body hadn’t spoken to me in a language no one knows—not even me.

I can’t begin my sentences about her with ‘she’s just a girl’, because she isn’t.

And I don’t understand how that’s come to be.

It happened so quickly that I fear I wasn’t present enough.

My wound tilts its head as my world does the same thing—slants on its axis. Coos at me, seeing me, seeing through me. Reminds me of what happened the last time I felt.

The passing of my girlfriend gave me the gift of a gun to my hand—gave me the face of death that I’ve been carrying ever since because it nearly made my dream of time ending come true. And the kitty girl… standstill hangs off her fingers like a pearl necklace that’s too long. And I find myself wanting to wear it. Because it’s her decision, her consciousness, her will.

Not mine.

And it will bring me closer to my Sun-mi.

My wound begins to cry at the memory of her, raindrops pitter-pattering on the tin ridges of the rooftop and I cherish that she’s remembered and honored by such vastness, by such picturesqueness that I’ve always considered the night to be. And when the wind brushes along my fidgeting hands, I almost feel her touch all over again.

Feel.

I feel.

And in my heart, I tell her. I sail to her, attaching myself to her again. Tell my Sun-mi that I am capable of feeling and that I don’t know how it came together in me. And I ask her, in utmost respect, to guide me on this unknown path.

Because I am alone without her. Adrift, without rhyme and reason. No wits to me, no rationality, no clear perception of right and wrong.

There’s only grayness to me.

Maybe that’s why I, unknowingly, dyed my hair this color before the start of the tour.

And it dawns on me, now that one chapter has closed in my life, that the passing of my Sun-mi a year and a half ago is the reason why I’ve clung to Jungkook so rigidly. Because I couldn’t spend my time on her, I spent it on Jungkook. Because I had all this love for her and I couldn’t give it to her, so I gave it to Jungkook.

And the kitty girl has put a stop to it.

Sun-mi graces me with the tepid, yet fuzzy impression that it’s good—that it was meant to happen. And I believe her.

And with my belief, the rain thickens.

A thunder rolls forward from a far-away corner of the canvas of the sky that I can’t see. And I dwell in the pool of the fountain of the love I still have for her and forever will continue to have. Kneel in it. Search for her.

I imagine her. The button of her nose, the curl of her top lip whenever we ridiculed aegyo by doing it together and doing a good fucking job while at it. I imagine her small fist at her round cheek, but she connects my memories to the kitty girl.

And she consumes me, wholly.

Sun-mi makes me imagine her doing a cat-like aegyo and as the corner of my mouth lifts, a particular fear devours my gut.

A fear of closeness.

A fear of doing something with her that I did with Sun-mi, even when she okays it in my spirit.

A fear of reliving something so painful again.

The rain inches towards me and I scurry to my feet, my hand trembling as I open the door to the staircase. And when I shut out the sound of hard rainfall and prevent the traumatic memories of my accident from slinking into my mind, it’s the only strength I have left.

And I crumble.

I mirror the rain I abhor so much.

I sit on the top of the staircase and I sear my hands with my acid-suffused tears. Sob so devastatingly that I don’t recognize myself, drenching the denim fabric over my knees. And when I pull on my hair, numbness is all that I detect within me.

Good.

No feelings; only emptiness.

I steel myself by taking a few deep breaths, letting the oxygen settle that deep in me. And I unattach myself from my Sun-mi, promise her I will get back to her soon. Go back to who I previously was before I scraped the skin of my knees raw on the hardened soil of my emotions and thoughts.

Alone death.

But Sun-mi doesn’t sail away back to heaven. Doesn’t let me go. She stomps her foot on the wet grass of my heart and I understand why. I asked her to guide me and what I didn’t know was that she would break the laws of heaven in order to do that. She wouldn’t whisper words of wisdom into the chambers of my heart. She would take my hand and show me wisdom, pointing me to the right decision.

That is my Sun-mi.

I let her because I need her. I bow to her and I would stoop to my stomach on this dirty, metal staircase floor to divulge my respect and gratitude to her if I didn’t hear a voice echoing up towards me.

A familiar male voice calling out to me.

Sun-mi pulls me to it and tingles vibrate down my legs as I fly through the stairs, skipping the bottom ones in order to get me faster to my brother. Sun-mi pumps blood into my heart, refreshing the grass she lays upon, and lightness descends upon my shoulders.

Her work of art.

Heaving, I meet Jungkook in the doorframe, glancing up at me, disappointment lidding his eyes. But I don’t fear, not when Sun-mi is with me. He opens the door wider for me to step through, but I remain fixed on my spot, panting, ringing piercing through my hearing sense.

Too much adrenaline at once in a season of drought. My body is unable to catch up to the new acclimatization.

“What’s going on?” I ask, my throat raw from my crying and I clear it, so there’s no evidence of my sensitivity. Sun-mi caresses the wall of my heart to soothe me and tears burn at the back of my eyes—from the simple fact that I can feel her.

I’ve felt her only once before. A week after she died, I prayed to her, loudly, until I lost my voice. Begged her to come back to me.

And she did.

And it felt nice until it didn’t—so I made it my habit to attach and unattach myself because of my fragility. It is only a matter of time before the logic of your mind distinguishes a real person from a ghost. And the parting of that vulnerable mist, in the middle of your agony, isn’t for the faint-hearted.

But Sun-mi, at this very moment, feels more real than she ever has. As if she truly was hidden in the rooms of my heart like a little doll, like a little angel that has the task from above to guide me.

And because I need it, I’ll let more time pass through this transcendental connection.

Jungkook flattens his lips, tightly, the tip of his tongue poking out to play with the thin metal pierced through his bottom lip. He’s changed back into the clothes he came in, minus the fluffy jacket. A black T-shirt, black pants and sneakers. It makes the green of his hair stand out—just like the wisp of the same color on that singular strand of the girl kitty’s hair.

They have a tendency to match and shame boils in me, that Sun-mi is a witness to the jealousy I feel. I haven’t told her and I don’t know if I want to. In my momentary cowardice, I hope that she can sense it and validate it.

But I gain nothing from her.

Silence.

One that Jungkook breaks.

“Staff said that we have to wait until the storm passes.”

My stomach sinks, the memory of the rainfall faint in my ears. “Good.”

Jungkook pauses before he voices out the question that I can visibly see rising in him. Nibbles his bottom lip, the metal tilting to the side like my world. “Where did you go?”

My breath shivers as I inhale, tasting my half-false words before I speak them. “I felt hot and I needed some fresh air.”

I felt jealous that you made dirty innuendos with your friend, I don’t say. It led me to seek my dead girlfriend because I feel inclined to fraternize with that aforementioned friend.

Jungkook frowns. “You went out in the rain?”

I pass through the gap between his body and the doorframe, not able to stand the position I’ve been put in, anxiety prickling my fingertips. Jungkook lets the door shut behind him with a loud thud, following closely behind me until he falls in step beside me.

“It felt refreshing until it didn’t,” I decide to mutter. Typical words of mine—I can’t stand them either.

Sun-mi is still silent.

Maybe I should unattach myself, protect myself from further pain. It was a moment of weakness, anyways—

Jungkook rubs my shoulder, gently, the fixed one, barely touching me, but the gesture is there. And I grasp why I love him so much.

His gentleness is everything to me.

“The rain will stop,” he says and I take those words to heart, giving them the meaning that they are the wisdom I needed to hear, the wisdom I sought from my quiet Sun-mi.

The rain will stop.

The sensitivity will stop, too.

And time will stop soon, one day.

𓂃 ౨ৎ LOVE-KISSED BABIES: @tkslovechild, @jjk7k, @parkinglot-nights, @bethvar, @Sexytholland, @yoongibaybee, @crystaleah,@fennecnco, @lil-kpopstan, @euphoricmyth, @jungkoock, @cinmmongirl, @hobiberrystuff.

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beautifulpersonpeach · 6 months ago

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Not gonna lie, this whole thing really sucks. I think I wrote a message awhile back about the very cool feminist angle of the Plus Global Auditions Invitation video, I'm an SNL Army and was new to watching kpop very closely and was so sold by that video. I thought - 'this company is really different.' Going public with a company f*cks a lot of things up, it happens all so often, and often it's the people and the ethos that gets messed up the most. It's frustrating to see this devolution. Because I was really excited by what MHJ was being given space to do at BH/Hybe. Though, as a fellow art school student, I am shaking my head and serious side-eyes at how she says things like 'I'm an artist, I don't know how to read contracts' (obviously I'm paraphrasing) - it's clear Hybe knows she's got the goods but she's not playing by their game anymore. The response and flood of crazy comments and hate at BTS is frustrating but expected, but just such a waste of time all the same. I've also never thought BH and then Hybe were super super smart and long-gaming everything (don't come for me Bangtan U fans) I think they were lucky and scrappy and skillful and making cool things happen moment to moment. Later on they got better at the strategic planning, sure. I don't know. They may need a good kick in the pants to remember that's what makes them great at what they do. But still, I hate the idea of MHJ being cooked even if she seems like a real pain in the tush to work with. Because technically, she's what got me to really buy-in to what BTS & BH were doing in the first place.

***

Yeah, it's a shitty situation.

To be fair, I think at the start, Bang PD was trying to do something different and 'forward-thinking' with HYBE. He sought out good talent going by the hires he did in 2019/2020, managing to onboard creatives like Min Heejin and Zico. Zico already incorporated his company to manage himself before Bang PD approached him, which is probably why he owns ~24.5% of KOZ - his sub-label in HYBE.

But with Min Heejin...

She had partnered with 250 - a popular DJ in Korea and NewJeans' main producer, since she left SM in 2018. He runs BANA (a creative collective) but she'd wanted her own label since the start.

Bang PD knew this, and wanted her for HYBE, so it's likely he made all sorts of promises to get her on board without awarding her a single share. Almost as soon as key creative decisions had to be made post-Global Plus audition, they both clashed, but HYBE as a company was less than 1 year old and it appears Bang PD and MHJ still had good relations... which was kinda easy since he still needed her creative output and wanted to see what she could do. So they let her make her own label: ADOR, and keep NewJeans even though according to Min Heejin, HYBE executives and Bang PD thought her concept and style of music for them would be impossible to sell to k-pop stans.

They expected NewJeans to fail or flounder. Instead, by 2023 NewJeans had become one of the top 5 most valuable k-pop IPs in Korea. If my guess is right, by that point she had no shares in ADOR, no agreement with HYBE's indefinite non-compete clause. She could walk anytime and I'm sure a lot of people wanted her.

Then HYBE approached Min Heejin with the shareholder contract to give her 20% of the company. It's a classic 'carrot and stick'. The carrot was easy to see. Apparently offered her the shares at a very low price, apparently Bang PD even lent her the money to buy it, for a valuation that HYBE considered more than generous, he was in her KakaoTalk chats buttering her up with those godawful emojis lmaooo. He was selling that shit hard. The stick in the contract was the poison pill which essentially tied her to HYBE for as long as they want her.

Perhaps she was aware of the pill and signed any way because at that point they still had good relations with Bang PD and HYBE in general. But according to her, Bang PD kept wanting more control over NewJeans the more successful the group became. Realizing she had to do something about the poison pill, she sought to negotiate, and as is typical in these sort of situations, you fight greed with more greed.

Asking to bump up the multiple on the options from 13x to 30x is frankly ridiculous. For a male CEO I can see it being considered... maybe, but for a woman? In Korea?

I'm sure when the other suits at HYBE heard that's what she was asking, at least one of them almost had a stroke. The logic is simple though: start crazy high and end.. just high. If HYBE was looking to exert more control over NewJeans (for example, every sub-label and group in HYBE changed to using 'bio-paper and ink' for their albums starting in 2023, to help HYBE meet their ESG targets. The only company that's not made the switch yet, is ADOR. Given how carefully MHJ controls branding and album design for NewJeans, I can see this minute detail being a massive thorn lol)... anyway, if HYBE was indeed looking to gain more control, the fact that they'd have to pay 30x if MHJ exercised her options on a whim, would serve as a very strong deterrent.

Given what I understand Korean corporate culture to be like, I doubt she had any friends in upper management to start, but with a demand like that, practically all of them would turn enemies in a heartbeat. It's the sheer audacity lmao. My guess is she would've eventually negotiated down, at least once she was assured real creative independence from Bang PD. But at some point, rather, quite predictably given this is corporate Korea, the need for control and the egos involved decided she had to be cut loose now and perhaps taught to not bite the hand that feeds her.

It's not a sentiment limited to the suits at HYBE. It's followed her since SM and the general public would hate it too, which is one reason I think it's only a matter of time before the narrative switches again to HYBE's favour. I promise you, most regular men in Korea would go red in the face, eyes bulging out their heads, drool and spit shooting out like projectiles, at the thought she would dare to demand such a thing. And in a way they'd be right. It's an insane amount of money for female creative in Korea, but I think given everything else, it also seems like a gamble she was taking as a means to an end. A simple negotiating tactic, given what she keeps highlighting as her main goal - unimpeded and full creative and managerial control.

Bang PD wants to build a 'forward-thinking' company comparable to Western conglomerate juggernauts like SONY and Warner Music, but I don't think these Korean men have the chops to do it right, just yet. I've had that impression of Bang PD for a few years now. He's been getting results, but they are inconsistent and he's got the biggest 'surety' in a sense with BTS, so he's been fine, and will continue to be fine for a few more years at least. But if they are messing up this spectacularly with their first female executive and one of their most valuable IPs, over... an options price negotiation?

And they want to pretend to be better than any other corp in Korea?

Lol.

Anyhoo.

I sympathize a bit with how you feel, but as a Korean woman, I guess I'm numb to it. There's a reason I've never chosen to work in that country, there's a reason why the birth rate is nearing the negatives. It's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry you're seeing a prior expectation you had getting blown up this way. And this latest hatefest on BTS has been quite ugly and isn't near done yet. This whole situation is gross, and even more so when the motivations behind it are so... banal and backwards.

But these are undercurrents that are too simple and boring for the average stan. Burning the witch who is responsible for masterminding the demise of a virtuous group is far more exciting. And so that's how the story will go.

I just hope that by some miracle, NewJeans turns out okay and manages to thrive after this. Because in all of this mess, they will deal with the implications the most and for the longest time.

#newjeans #ador #min heejin #bang pd #hybe #kpop

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enhypen-vampires · 6 months ago

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ARCHIVE -ALL OF MY OLD WORK (2013-2020) notes: all of my old work is from my main blog @bang-me-bangtan-style

My other work: SKZ | NCT | EXO | TXT | BTS

Minors DNI this isn’t the place for you. Please get off my blog. If I find out you’re a minor I will block you.

✔ - Completed || ••• - Ongoing || ✖ - On Hold

Yang Jung Won

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Lee Hee Seung

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Jay Park

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Park Sung Hoon

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Kim Sunoo

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Nishimura Riki

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exo-exo-exo · 6 months ago

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ARCHIVE -ALL OF MY OLD WORK (2013-2020) notes: all of my old work is from my main blog @bang-me-bangtan-style

My other work: SKZ | NCT | BTS | TXT | ENHYPHEN

Minors DNI this isn’t the place for you. Please get off my blog. If I find out you’re a minor I will block you.

✔ - Completed || ••• - Ongoing || ✖ - On Hold

SUHO

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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XIUMIN

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LAY

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CHEN

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CHANYEOL

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D.O

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KAI

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kimseokjinn · 4 months ago

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hi, what are your top 5 hair on seokjin?

ANON do you know how hard it is to answer this question when kim seokjin doesn't have a bad hair look?

1. The loml, /the/ seokjin hair color is purple 💜

It's iconic. It's stunning. It'd just a pretty shade on him. And it's my favorite color, so win-win for me.

2. Blonde seokjin 🥵

I didn’t think anything could top Young Forever blonde Jin, but this Jin, during the Idol era I believe, changed my life! When jin goes blonde, there goes my sanity.

3. Black

Do you expect me to act normal after seeing a vision like this?? LY tear era was a gift for us ot7 fans because dark-haired bangtan was a sight to behold. A gift that kept on giving.

4. Pink jin

Again, an iconic look. A repeat, as well, because I do believe he had this color during the PTD era, but only briefly. He knows what the masses (me) like. I can't believe I wasn't here during the BST era to go crazy over pink Jin. Luckily, he delivered again. It's such a pretty color, I am envious of his ability to pull it off.

5. Brown

Ah, classic brown. Always iconic. I love this color. I love this look when his hair is either pushed back off his forehead or in the comma style seen above. Also, his brown choppy bangs during YNWA is endearing to me

#asks #sorry for the novel asffgmdndns #or if you meant hair style i can answer that as well asdghhkk

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nct-wet-dreamz · 6 months ago

Text

ARCHIVE -ALL OF MY OLD WORK (2013-2020) all of my old work is from my main blog @bang-me-bangtan-style

My other work: SKZ | BTS | EXO | TXT | ENHYPHEN

Minors DNI this isn’t the place for you. Please get off my blog. If I find out you’re a minor I will block you.

Will not write for newest members!

✔ - Completed || ••• - Ongoing || ✖ - On Hold

Lee Taeyong

Moon Taeil

Johnny Seo

Nakamoto Yuta

Qian Kun

Kim Dongyoung

Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul (Ten)

Jeong Jaehyun

Dong Si Cheng (Winwin)

Kim Jungwoo

Mark Lee

Xiao Dejun

Wong Kunhang (Hendery)

Huang Renjun

Lee Jeno

Lee Donghyuck (Haechan)

Na Jaemin

Liu YangYang

Zhong Chenle

Park jisung

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smolwritingchick · 11 months ago

Text

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 5- Rookie King Episode 3

Chapter Summary: Determined to finally get the Queen of the end plate spot, Jen tries her hardest to achieve that goal. During one of the exams, she reveals her admiration for Suga.

Words: 3,000+

-----

'Chuseok Special'

'Bangtan State Merit Exams'

All 8 members of BTS wore Hanboks, while Jennie wore a light pink Hanbok. She was reluctant at first to even put it on since she wasn't even from South Korea, and didn't want to disrespect anyone. But after some reassurance from everyone, she finally decided to put it on.

A bell is rung by Eunuch who hosted the exams for BTS. "Gather bachelors and bachelorette!"

Once they all gathered around, Eunuch sighed at their goofiness. "Everyone who has come to Bangtan State Merit Exams, welcome."

'3 Liberal arts exams and 3 military service exams to distinguish BTS' true merit scholar! During each exam, first place will get three points. And last place will get 1 point. The bachelor or bachelorette with the most points will receive a department store gift card and a king/queen's rights during End-plate king/queen'

Once inside, everyone is seated, sitting pretzel style, applauding for what's to come in excitement. Jennie had to admit she was nervous. She wasn't used to this yet and had no idea what to expect. She might as well forfeit right here. But she really wanted that Queen's right for the End-Plate King/Queen.

"Chuseok special Bangtan State Merit Exam please meet our seven bachelors and our bachelorette who are here for the liberal arts exam." Eunuch read from a card, while Bangtan greeted him. "I'll tell you about the first subject coming up!" He revealed a scroll, that opens down to say, 'Write lyrics bragging about yourself'

Jennie 'Hopeless Bangtan Girl' (GAH! I have A LOT to work on with myself. I can't write lyrics in like ten minutes!)

"We'll start now!" Eunuch banged on the bell as everyone started to write.

Jennie sat there, looking at the blank paper in front of her. "This is not going to end well." She chuckled nervously to the camera in front of her.

'Exam time end'

"And now we'll go into time for publication!" Eunuch announced

Once all the guys had gone, singing their goofy lyrics, it was finally Jen's turn as she nervously stood before everyone.

"Oh boy." She cleared her throat. "Who is that girl over there? Oh, it must be BTS' adorable female maknae. With nice smelling hair and the prettiest smile, no one can compare to me~" She sang in a cute voice.

"Whoa~" The guys look on in wonder as she feels her face heat up.

Jennie 'Embarrassed Bangtan Girl' (That was so embarrassing! I promise I won't make corny lyrics like that for our songs! J-just bear with me here! Ahh I hope my sisters aren't watching this! *Covers face in shame*)

After the judges judge their performances, they go to the results.

"Bangtan state merit exam, liberal arts first exam, second class....Jimin! In this exam, there are two people awarded second class. Another second class is Bachelor Jin. The owner of honor of first class? Golden Makane Jungkook!"

"Hah hah hah!" Jennie laughed with the guys as Jungkook started doing his victory dance, standing on top of his head, and doing a pose.

"What are you doing?" Jin questioned.

"Bangtan state merit exam, liberal arts second exam!" Eunuch revealed the next scroll.

'BTS 5 Elements'

'Complete your 5 elements with BangTanSoNyeonDan. Time limit of three minutes'

While the guys were writing, Jennie sat there, staring at her blank paper yet again.

"I am seriously having a brain fart." She murmured, shaking her head as the time ran out.

"Jennie, why is your paper blank?" Jungkook pointed out.

"I didn't write anything~" She admitted and put her head down while the guys laughed.

"She's disqualified!" Jimin yelled while the guys agreed.

"Looks like Smartie isn't so smart today, huh?" Suga teased.

"Yah! Give me a break!" She waved them away.

Jennie 'Failing all exams' (Eh heh heh...I am not off to a good start, huh? I dunno what's wrong. Why I am not writing and trying to win this? My brain just wouldn't come up with anything. I ate breakfast...I had some smarties...I wonder what's the problem. But I will be coming back with a vengeance. Just a matter of when. I'm staying optimistic. Don't give up on me, just yet!)

Once Eunuch announces Jin as the second class winner and J-Hope as the first class winner, they transition to the next exam. "Bangtan State Merit Exam, before we start with the 3rd liberal arts exam, I'll let you know of the mid-way results."

So far, Jungkook and J-Hope have three points, Jin has two, and Jimin has one. Jennie, Suga, Rap Monster and V have zero points.

Jennie 'Triggered Bangtan Girl' (ZERO! Zero POINTS!! ZERO! This is UN-Acceptable! I need to get my act together.)

"Liberal art's 3rd exam." He reveals the next scroll.

'Draw the member's faces'

'Get to know the seven bachelors and bachelorette's drawing skills! Liberal arts 3rd exam! Draw the member's faces!'

'Time limit of 10 minutes. Draw the face of the member you love the most'

'Expressing of the key point details in the face and creating a masterpiece to be awarded first class!'

'Judging criteria 1. Grasp the member's specialties with sharp eyes'

'2. Quality more than quantity a masterpiece!'

Jennie 'Optimistic Bangtan Girl' (Let's see what I remember in art class!)

Suga and V drew J-Hope, Rap Monster and J-Hope drew Jimin, while Jin chose Rap Monster, Jimin chose Suga and Jungkook chose Rap Monster's loss of color face.

"Who did Miss Bangtan draw?" J-Hope looked on in anticipation.

"I...drew Suga." She revealed her drawing with a smile. The drawing she drew was of Suga rapping in his No More Dream outfit. She put a lot of detail into his face, showing his gummy smile, which really caught everyone's eye.

Suga looked on in surprise. "M-me?" He looked at her drawing in awe. She really nailed his gummy smile. He had to stand up and take a good look.

Suga 'Shocked' (I wasn't expecting her to pick me. I'm really surprised and touched that she really likes me the most. I wonder why.)

Jennie 'Inspired by Suga' (Why did I choose Suga? I really admire him. I love his passion for music and his rapping. Even though we do bicker and I'm still not over him drawing on my face, I still think he's awesome and a great person. I hope to rap like him, one day. He has inspired me to learn about rapping. I...wanted to ask him if maybe he could teach me, but I'm so nervous, I decided that I'm not ready to ask him for that request yet. I hope he doesn't see this confession. Soon I'll tell him how much I admire him, face to face! Don't show it!)

"Can you imitate him?" Rap Monster requested

"Yeah, I can imitate him." She cleared her throat, changing her demeanor to look more serious. "I wanna big house, big cars & big rings. But sasireun I dun have any big dreams. Haha nan cham pyeonhage sareo. ggum ddawi an ggwodo amudo mwora an hajanheo!" She rapped successfully, moving just like Suga on stage with attitude as everyone applauded.

"That was pretty good." Suga nodded in approval.

"The second class goes to Jungkook and Suga." Eunuch announced.

Suga was shocked and didn't hold back on the complaints. "Shouldn't I get first class? This is a fraud! It's the writer's conspiracy! What else have you to say? It's a fraud by the writers!"

"The highly anticipated first class goes to...Bachelorette Jennie!" Eunuch points to her as she looks up in shock.

"That doesn't make senseeee~" Jimin whined in a loud voice as she started to jump around, cheering.

"Yeah! I'm back with a vengeance! Let's go!" She cheered

Jennie 'Making a comeback' (Perseverance! I hope I'll able to be the Queen of the plate this time. Watch out boys! This Bangtan Girl is about to claim that throne! Woo hoo!)

After the liberal arts exams, have been finalized, it was now time for the military service exams. Results so far are Jungkook with 4 points, J-Hope and Jennie with Three points, Jin with 2 points, Rap Monster and V with no points, Jimin and Suga with 1 point.

Standing outside, the group changed their clothes as they prepared for their next exam which was archery. Suga vs J-Hope was first. J-Hope kept missing the target and ended up getting beaten by Suga.

With V vs Jimin, V hit the bullseye but it fell off, not sticking enough. V ended up winning the battle anyway. Once it was time for Jin vs Rap Monster, they both kept missing the target, making everyone laugh. It took forever and they had to change the rules. Whoever hit inside the red circle would win. Finally, Rap Monster prevailed.

'Jennie vs Jungkook.'

'Battle between the Maknaes. Who will triumph?'

"This is going to be good." Jimin looked on.

"The battle between our two babies! I wonder who will win." Jin wondered, proud of his children.

Jungkook faced off with Jennie, as they stared each other down. He crossed his arms while she put her hands on her hips.

"Jennie, I hope you know what your fate is. You're going down." He teased.

"All I gotta say is that you're going down and I am not backing down. So be prepared."

"I'm the golden Maknae for a reason."

"Not for long." She smiled

"Jungkook is good at everything but not archery." Rap Monster mentioned.

Jungkook draws his arrow back first and releases it quickly. However, the arrow ends up hitting the floor as the guys laugh hysterically.

"That was...pretty golden Kookie." V teased as the Golden Maknae looked on in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Jennie got her bow and arrow ready, slowly drawing the arrow back. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the target.

'One...two...release!' She released the arrow hitting it close to the bullseye.

"Yes!" She shouted with excitement

"Oh~" The guys yell, getting hyped.

Jungkook just stares at her arrow and back to her. She sticks her tongue out at him, making him glare playfully. This was the start of a competitive friendship. He attempts to hit the target again but fails as Jimin laughs at him. "Shut up, hyung!"

Back to the female member of BTS, she managed to hit the target in the bullseye but it fell off.

"YO! Unbelievable!" She shouted over the hollering guys who were saying how close it was.

Jungkook failed yet again to hit the target and once Jennie hit her arrow near the bullseye, it became clear that she was the winner as he accepted his defeat.

"WOO!" She started jumping up and down, spinning around. "That was pure luck!"

'Semi Finals'

'Suga vs V.'

Suga's bow and arrow skills were impressive as he kept hitting the same place while V couldn't hit the spot. When it was Jennie's turn against her leader, Rap Monster, she won quickly thanks to him missing each time.

Jennie 'Elated Competitor' (I'm finally getting the hang of this!)

"Wha~ why am I defeated!?" Rap Monster squinted his eyes shut, clenching his fists in despair.

'Finals'

'Jennie vs Suga'

This was an intense battle as both continued to hit the target near the bullseye. But it wasn't until Suga finally hit the bullseye, that he was declared the winner. The members playfully question why he chose rapping when he's so good at archery.

"The winner of the first Military Service exam goes to...Suga!" Eunuch announced as everyone enthusiastically applauded his win.

Jennie obtains 1 point so now she has 4 while Suga and Jungkook also have 4 points.

Jennie 'Cool and Calm' (I'm tied for first place with two other guys. As long as I keep trying to at least get a second place spot to gain more points, I should be A-OK.)

'Together with the flying tinker bells. Second exam, horse-riding! Two bachelors will ride their own ponies. First person to go one round and return back, wins!'

Jennie 'Determined' (I really want to be the Queen this time. I NEED to win this. Do you know how cool that'll be? No more punishments like drinking that disgusting beet juice!? I need a break!)

"That's easy!" Jimin pointed out.

The first battle consisted of Jimin and J-Hope. The intense bout was close but then Jimin decided to stand up and run the horse to the finish line after J-Hope created a big gap, taking the lead. Nonetheless, J-hope was declared the winner.

Next was Suga vs Jin. Jin started with a fast start but Suga quickly caught up and took the lead. The oldest member decided to stop while Suga took the finish line, and a roar of laughter escaped the members' mouths.

'Jennie vs Jungkook'

Jennie adjusted herself on the white plastic toy horse. "This is too goofy." She admitted while Jungkook sat on his horse next to her.

As soon as they get the OK to go, adrenaline goes around Jen's body as both she and Jungkook quickly move their feet to accelerate. Both equally take a fast pace, neck and neck.

"I don't even know who's winning!" J-Hope said with excitement in his voice.

Rap Monster (I definitely see a fire in Jennifer's eyes. She really wants that Queen of the End-Plate privilege.)

Once Jennie and Jungkook circle around the post, Jennie's heart starts to race as Jungkook gets a little bit ahead of her. The atmosphere was loud with the members watching, cheering and yelling out goofy commentary.

"Who shall win this battle?" J-Hope spoke in a dramatic tone

"Will it be the beautiful Miss Bangtan? Or will it be our handsome Golden Maknae!?" Jimin added to the fun.

Their goofy banter almost got her distracted because she was close to laughing. But getting back on track and focused, she increases her speed despite the pain on her behind from the tiny horse. Her efforts are rewarded when she ends up going ahead, with Jungkook high on her tail.

"OOOHHHHHHH!"

The loud, goofy voices of the members stand up, jumping up and down.

Jennie let out a sigh of relief when she made it to the finish line a second before Jungkook.

"BOOYAH!" She celebrated, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Again?" Jungkook groaned, throwing his head back.

Jungkook 'Mindboggled' (How? She was behind me!)

"Sorry Kookie. I just really want to win that end-plate position." She grinned sheepishly. "No hard feelings?"

"Don't talk to me." He playfully brushed her off while she chuckled lightly at him.

Jennie 'Behind really hurts' (Y'know those tiny horses really take a number on your butt. My butt hurts.)

When V goes up against Rap Monster, V wins by a landslide, making the leader throw his horse.

"Ahhh! He threw the horse!" Jennie laughed out loud.

Jennie (RIP Horse 2013-2013!)

"If I wore better pants, I'll win!" Rap Monster blames.

'Semi-finals'

'J-Hope vs Suga'

"J-Horse and rapid speed' vs 'Getting merit 2 times consecutive'

When they both were on their horses, Eunuch requested that they say something to each other.

"Honestly, since he's J-Horse and he even looks like it too, I feel burdened, I'll try my best." Suga said.

"I'll win this coolly," J-Hope responded with a bright smile.

When it was time to go, J-Hope quickly dashes away, leaving Suga in the dust while everyone whoops and cheers. Suga laughed it off, taken aback by his speed.

'V vs Jennie'

"Do you have anything to say to each other?" Eunuch asked

"Let's have a good match, best friend!" V happily smiled at her as she gave him a big high five.

"You bet! Let's do this!" She responded ecstatically.

Once they were ready, V continued to waddle and gain speed on his horse, with Jennie right behind him. But as soon as they circle the post, Jennie gains her speed and dashes forward.

"Ah! She caught up!" Jimin acknowledged, clapping his hands.

"No~ Jennie!" V laughed as he tried to catch up with her and ended up losing.

'Bachelorette Jennie enters finals!'

'Finals'

'J-Hope vs Jennie'

"Right now, my legs are hurting so much. I don't know what to do about it." J-Hope admited.

"Hey, my butt hurts." She replied, making him giggle.

Once the sound of the gong is heard, both parties dash forward but J-Hope quickly leaves her in the dust.

"Bro!" She exclaimed with a laugh as she circled the post, with J-Hope way ahead. He wins after going through the finish line.

"How can he be so fast!?" She laughed, arriving at the finish line.

"That was not even humanely possible." Jungkook addressed.

At the end of the exam, J-Hope obtains three points while Jennie obtains 1. So now Jennie has five points.

BTS and Jennie stand in between Eunuch and his gong as they applaud.

"Finally it's the last!" Suga looked relieved.

"Last exam! A traditional game played by all ethnics. Chicken fight!" Eunuch announced.

'Bangtan State Merit exam Military Service last exam!'

'Traditional game played by all ethnics chicken fight!'

'All eight bachelors and bachelorette will start together in a single match'

'The last bachelor or bachelorette standing wins'

"Our seven bachelors and bachelorette please step forward and get prepared." Eunuch announced as they get into the chicken fight ring

Jennie 'Asking for Strength' (My tiny behind is in a chicken fight ring with seven guys. SEVEN. I need ALL the strength I can get for this. I WANT that Queen of the End-Plate position!)

The guys stretch and Jennie follows suit by stretching out her arms and then her legs. Once Eunuch says go, Jennie tries to keep her distance from everyone as she holds her crossed leg by the ankle, standing on one leg.

Jungkook and Jin meet in the middle, while Jennie stands in a corner, watching the show.

Jennie 'Keeping Distance' (I think I know how to win this. Let me let the guys fight, and then I can think of a plan from there. I just need to keep my distance and wait it out. My strategy is patience and defense. I'm more of a defensive person when it comes to competitions like this. Offense, not so much.)

Hopping forward, Jungkook attempts to attack Jin with his strength but Jin maintains his balance. All of a sudden, Jungkook does an aerial flying attack with his knee, surprising Jin.

"Rapmon! I choose you!" Jin pointed as Rap Monster and Jimin began to battle it out. It was hilarious watching everyone hop and jump all over the place.

Jennie watched as Rap Monster bumped into Jungkook and Jimin while Jin hopped right over to V. She quickly hopped away since she was right near V. Out of nowhere, she shrieked when Suga roughly bumped into her on purpose.

"Cut it out!" She swiftly hopped away from him as he laughed. He almost knocked the wind out of her. Any harder, she would've been eliminated.

V bumps Jin, resulting in the oldest member putting his leg down, eliminating him. Suga tries to bump everyone since he was alone and it ends up backfiring when he gets bumped three times. For his fate, he's bumped by V and falls out of the ring, making everyone laugh.

"Jennie! Whose team are you on? Join me and Jungkook! We'll protect you!" Jimin called out.

"I'm Switzerland!" She called out, trying to escape the drama.

Jungkook ended up slipping and falling down when he tried to hit J-Hope when he countered it.

"How could you do that to our Jungkookie!" Jimin yelled and tried to attack him but got hit and fell down.

'Jungkook's Pokemon Bachelor Jimin eliminated!'

After managing to hide for so long, Jennie goes full defense mode as J-Hope starts to go after her.

"Oh come on! I was doing so good!" She started hopping all over the ring, with him following her.

"Nope!" She evaded his bump and lightly bumped him back.

"I got your back!" V comes to her rescue, bumping into J-Hope, but ends up falling on his butt in the process.

"Awe man, V!" She laughed.

Staying away from Rap Monster and J-Hope's battle, Jennie watches as Rapmon's powerful hit, causes J-Hope to twirl around and falls down.

"HIII-YA!" She yelled, bumping Rap Monster with all her might, making him stumble from behind, once he recovered, he remained unfazed. "Are you-are you serious!? That didn't work!?"

Jennie 'Shocked' (HOW!? *Throws her arms up in the air*)

"Any last words, Jennie?" He teased, hopping up to her.

Hopping back for her life, she shakes her head. "Wait! Wait! I want a redo! AH!" Swiftly moving to the side, she escapes Rapmon's strike. "Let's talk about this!"

No matter how many times Rapmon would strike her, she would manage to avoid any type of contact.

Rap Monster 'In Charge of Destroying' (Jennie is small and quick. But soon I'll catch her. She can't avoid my attacks forever.)

"Wow~ she's really good at her defense!" Jimin praises with a big smile. "Go Jennie~"

Jennie 'Defensive Bangtan Member' (Obviously Rap Monster is stronger than me, so I had no choice but to go on a defensive route until I could find a way to make him lose his balance. I can smell the Queen of the end-plate prize already. I won't back down now! I have to win this!)

Noticing Rapmon getting a bit tired from putting all his strength into attempting to bump her, she finally takes advantage. When he attempts to strike her again, she finally counters, making him lose his balance.

"WHAAAAA~" The boys yell, getting hyped up.

While he was wobbling to stay on his foot, she bumped him on the shoulder and he fell on the ground.

"AHHHHHHH~" The guys start cheering.

"YES! YES! YES! YES!" She jumped up and down after putting her leg down.

"Aish...so close." Rap Monster sighed.

He takes Jennie's hand and gets helped up by her. After receiving three more points, she had 8 points in total, declaring her the winner.

'Miss Bangtan has come back with a vengeance and won the battle!'

'Welcome the Queen of the end-plate!'

At the end of the exams, she gets carried easily by V and Jimin as she wears a hat with Sakura flowers on top. While being carried, Jungkook and Jin toss sakura blossoms at her while J-Hope, Suga and Rapmon dance and sing around.

"Y'know I can really get used to this. I feel like a princess." She laughed, goofing off with the guys.

Jennie 'Queen of the end-plate' (Girl power! Don't ever give up! You can always bounce back and come back to win! I am so anticipating the end-plate. No punishments for me!)

#bts #bangtan boys #bts 8th member #bts additional member #jungkook x oc #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts added member #bangtan gal #rookie king

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alexenglish · 1 year ago

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👀

soooooo… favorite bangtan looks??

here's a couple more in depth fave look posts for taehyung and yoongi, they're both from 2019 but i stand by the THOUGHTS there. anyway, pivoting to my overall fave looks

love blonde jin and ESPECIALLY this one with the dark undercut visible. that is a peak look in every case and made even more impactful by being JIN. i miss it.

diverging from my previous declarations, i do feel strongly that peroxide prince agust d has been completely dethroned by long haired prince yoongi. the fact that we got long haired agust d is a gift to me personally from the universe, handed on a horny silver platter, bless

while i love many (read: all) of hobi's looks, my fave is the dark and fluffy grown out look. the way it feathers at his nape and the way they style it with the waves is so DREAMY.

i feel VERY strongly about SOOO many namjoon looks and i was going to name a couple and passionately defend my inability to pick just one including blonde joon, short black haired joon, grown out dark haired joon, and the varieties of grey but this is my truth. this color, this cut. it's so specifically a futch elder vibe... thee fave... perhaps

for jimin, it has to be blonde. it always has to be blonde.

tae is beautiful and perfect in every color and i especially love him with dark, straight hair because it's perfect for his features but blue tae is my mermaid. natural blue-head. this IS the anime ideal.

jungkook is the only one who gets an honorable mention, and that honorable mention IS cherry koo. because he IS an era. so evocative to a specific feeling associated with that specific time frame and the joyous boyishness of being so beautiful and colored like a fruit.

but the actual platonic ideal jungkook is girlfriend jungkook and his half up hair do, with his artfully styled bangs and the long pieces they pulled out to curl by his ears

the GENDER of being an incredible amateur boxer and riding a punky harley davidson and doing a men's ck ad and growing your hair out into a pretty bisexual bob with sweet bangs!!! he gets it

#bngtn #mic check #spidersfence

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yeonjunblr · 6 months ago

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ARCHIVE - Notes: All my old work this is from my main blog @bang-me-bangtan-style

My other work: SKZ | NCT | EXO | BTS | ENHYPHEN

Minors DNI this isn’t the place for you. Please get off my blog. If I find out you’re a minor I will block you.

✔ - Completed || ••• - Ongoing || ✖ - On Hold

Choi Soo Bin (최수빈)

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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Choi Yeon Jun (최연준)

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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Choi Beom Gyu (최범규)

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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Kang Tae Hyun (강태현)

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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Huening Kai (휴닝카이)

SERIES

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ONE SHOTS

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#tomorrow x together #txt #tomorrow by together #txt yeonjun #txt beomgyu #txt soobin #txt taehyun #txt huening kai #txt hard hours #txt x reader #kpop smut #choi beomgyu #choi yeonjun #kang taehyun #choi soobin #hueningkai

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bang-me-bangtan-style · 6 months ago

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THE BANGTAN LIST | .02

• ML • 01 • 02 •

Paring: Reader x Min Yoongi x BTS

Genre: NSFW! Smut, Angst,self destruction!Reader || Stripper!Reader,Unrequited love!Reader,Roomates!BTS

Summary: That one story where you work as a stripper, meet Min Yoongi, fuck him, and cant forget him- but he cant remember you- so you fuck his friends to fuck the pain away.

Disclaimer: This story contains acts of sex,domestic violence!foul language, and self destructive motives. This may be triggering to some, please read at your own risk!

It's been exactly 3 months since you last saw Min Yoongi. Every night was the same. You would wait for him as if he promised to come back.

Every time you got on stage you hoped you would see him sitting in the crowd again. But every night he was absent. He was nowhere to be found. You were searching for no reason. Exhausting yourself over it, obsessing over it, for no reason.

Did you even have reason?

He was a client and you needed to understand that you couldn't have no attachment to him- but for some reason you found yourself attached to someone who fucked you for pay.

Typical.

Maybe, it was best that you wouldn't see him again. You were in way too deep. A one-night stand, from a man, that fucked you so good you just couldn't forget. What had this man even done to you to make you feel so obligated to have emotional attachment to him? Why were you so drawn to him?

Who was Min yoongi? And what had he done to you?

Was this what they called love at first sight? Was that electrical current you felt towards him a connection? Could he feel it too? He had to feel it too right?

You, day by day, kept racking your brain. It causing moments that you went out of your mind and entered space as you spaced out.

You know that feeling when you want something? That feeling after you get it and it just doesn't hit the spot? Unsatisfying? That's what you felt every time you thought about min yoongi. You weren't satisfied. You didn't get enough of him.

No, you hadn't forgot his name. And no, you haven't forgot his face, and you definitely haven't forgot his sex.

You found yourself every night fucking yourself thinking about him. You played all the scenes of your encounter in your head over and over. Especially up until the very last moment when he came and said he loved you. Even though it was all for pretend, the thought of that always seemed to get you going over the edge and Cumming, it was all the very thought of him that sent you.

Y/n," a voice had said but you hadn't even heard him.

Yoongi filled your thoughts. You were way strung out on coke. You were in another world right now.Nobody could tell you nothing.

You cocked your head to the side as his intoxicated face was in front of yours. Lust was evident in his eyes and you felt the invisible pull toward him. That feeling you got every time washing over you.

Hallucinating, seeing yoongi again was the epiphany of self destruction. It always had you so emotional after.

Yoongi smirked-

"Y/N!" You woke up out of your trance, yoongi disappearing like smoke.

You looked up from the couch you were sitting on waiting for your next vip client. Cesar had talked you into doing them again so here you were getting fucked to get paid again. But you wish none of them were fucking you. Only yoongi.

Your blood ran cold at the sight of GD. Aka Kwon Jinyong.

Your blood ran cold.

No, you thought.

"Is there a reason why you aren't answering my texts back?!" he strides over- you siting on the couch smoking a joint.

Your eyes became wide as he got closer.

You dropped the joint on the couch and scrambled to pick it up before it burnt a hole in the leather,It dropping to the floor.

"Fuck," you hissed as you tried to pick it up from the floor. it landed next to your platforms. So, you decided to step on it with them, your relaxation time ruined by the monster in front of you.

You literally have ignored him for three months. You didn't realize the time passing as your mind was somewhere else.

"I've been busy," you said not looking at him- not really wanting to. No, not after that last event with him.

GD was In all black looking like the gang-leader he was-is. He was glaring down at you you feeling the anger radiating of him.

"You were busy?" he spat, "I highly doubt that," he said glaring down at you.

You finally looked up at him meeting his angry form, "I was actually," you said pushing it further.

"Hmm," he scoffed throwing his head to the side. He looked back at you, "I don't believe that for one second."

"Well believe whatever you want to, -actually could you like leave?- I have a client in ten minutes he could be here any minute now." You said wanting to end this conversation short not wanting anything to do with him. Ever. Again.

He just stared at you you looking back at him.

Maybe it was the coke but you had clearly forgotten the capabilities of this man. Your mind seemed to have tucked it away somewhere. The true definition of losing your marbles.

He pulled his hand back and smacked the fuck out of you. GD smacking the marbles back in place. "NEVER! I MEAN NEVER! TALK TO ME AGAIN LIKE THAT!" You held your face your body thrown to the side from the sudden impact. "Look at me when im speaking to you!"

Still holding your face you looked up at him tears springing your eyes. Your body shaking in fear.and this was why you stayed away from him. This wasn't the first time.

GD watched you. His eyes looking for any sign of disobedience in you. He closed his eyes and inhaled, then slowly exhaled. "I've told you this baby, I told you not to make me mad. You know how I get," he said finally opening his eyes again staring down at your broken form.

And so broken you were.

You looked down not wanting to show the tears that were about to spill over your face.

"Please don't ever try to order me out again. I go.when I go."He spat.

You looked back up shaking. Tears finally slipping over your tear ducks and out onto your cheeks. You let go of your face and tried to regulate your breathing as you were on the verge of having a panic attack. You rested your hands between your thighs and clasped them tight trying to hold on a little while longer.

"you understand?" he said becoming annoyed with you again almost smacking you but he turned around and tried to calm himself.

You flinched waiting for the impact that never came. GD turned back around. His phone rang before he could Finnish your conversation.

You tried to hold yourself together biting the inside of your cheek.

"Okay," he hung up the phone, "I have some things to attend to,- but we will continue this conversation."

You nodded your head and he left. As he strolled to the door, -he ran into someone shoulder checking them, not looking back.

You hadn't noticed this. You looked down trying to gather yourself before your client came.

You tried to move but you felt paralyzed. You kept looking around franticly trying to stop the tears from coming. You had to be professional and presentable.

You finally breaking out of your trance you leaned over to the table knocking everything down as you scrambled for tissue paper. You grabbed it and wiped your eyes. It spreading your mascara. You looked at the tissue and realized this.

"Fuck," you cried breaking down. You tried to wipe your eyes, in the midst of doing that you spotted a figure at the corner of your eye and you whipped your head towards it and your breath caught in your throat.

Yoongi stood there at the base of the door watching you curiously. He was intoxicated. You could tell in his face. He had his soju in his hand and he looked just like he did 3 months ago when you had last seen him.

Finally. Finally, he had came back.

Only you didn't want to see him.no not after what just happened. You didn't want him to see you in a broken form. You didn't want him to see that side of you. You shouldn't have cared what he saw when he looked at you. You were supposed to be only a fuck for him.

But you did.

Of course, you did.

You quickly got up shutting your emotions off and getting into character. But Yoongi could see right through you. You couldn't fool him, he wasn't stupid. Plus the smeared mascara under your eyes said otherwise.

Shit had just went down, plus the way that guy left your room,- left Yoongi wondering more than he should have.

"Are you my 12 o'clock," you said. Your voice had a slight shake in it.

He didn't say anything, making you anxious. He studied you. Looking at you. Knowing something was off about you.

You stared back at him. Your façade slowly melting off. But still you tried to hold yourself down.

"Are you alright?" yoongi questioned finally, ignoring your question, answering your question with a question - and taking a drink of his soju. You were surprised by his question, and it had completely thrown you off Shaking you completely out of character. The façade rapidly melting off.

He stared intently at you waiting for you to answer, you having no way to change the subject. You were completely naked in front of him. You had nothing to hide under.

So what now?

"Yeah," you said lying, taking the easy way out. With nothing else more to say other than that. You couldn't tell him. So you lied. Even though he could see right through you as if you were made of glass, you tried to utterly get him to believe you were fine. You even were trying to convince yourself.

You didn't want to talk about it. It was nothing. To you it was nothing. nothing compared to the agony you've been feeling for the last three months. GD hitting you didn't even compare To the restless nights and longing to be in his presence.

So, the last thing you wanted to talk about was another man. You wanted to focus only on him.

"i think that's not factual." he said taking another drink. You didn't have anything to say so you stood there dumbfounded. As he stared at you. But when you didn't reply back, "yes I am your twelve o'clock but i don't think we should do anything. you clearly seem shaken up about something..." he looked out into the hallway from where GD had left.

"NO! no! I'm fine I promise!" you said coming closer to him. Yoongi stared at you, you hoped you didn't sound too desperate.

You were now standing directly in front of him. Your platforms making you slightly tower over him.

he reached out to touch your face," he ran a thumb over the skin." he hit you didn't he?"

You panicked!

You Somehow forgetting about it , the pain of your cheek coming back. You forgetting this, as you were trying to convince him otherwise. him making you forget life itself.

Your face had developed a bluish tint to where a bruise had started to form.

Your mind raced as his hand rested on your face. You leaned into it closing your eyes. You feeling some sort of warmth from it.

Yoongi dropped his hand to his side. "I may come back again," he said not sounding for sure or not. Making promises wasn't his thing.

Your heart broke into a million pieces. You. Couldn't. Wait. Another. Three. Months. No, this was now or never. This wasn't about to end on a worse note than you already had started.

You both stared at each other. An electric current connecting you to him. "don't go you started to cry." you were breaking the rules. You were being desperate. Now not caring at all.

Now it was his turn to lose his façade His eyes widening in shock.

"I mean im okay you don't-" but you couldn't explain your reasoning. This was the first time seeing him in three months he couldn't just go like that. Not when you anticipated his return so eagerly.

Still he didn't say anything, he just watched you, waiting to see what else might come out your mouth. You hesitated but eventually "just help me forget," you said talking about him smacking you."pretend to love me this time.... even if its just for tonight." you said repeating his words from three months ago.

You waited for his reaction but he just stared at you. Your face heated up knowing you would be rejected. You were way out of place asking for such a request knowing he was the one paying you not the other way around.

Moments went by, silence engulfed you both. You both never broke eye contact. He took another drink of his soju his eyes fixated solely on you. He stepped over the threshold, your heart beating fast at the anticipation of what was happening. Coming straight towards you never breaking your eye contact

He backed you towards the couch and he put the soju down on the table all while still staring at you. He laid you down on the couch and he began kissing your body. He got up and closed the door and locked it an you watched him.

You squeezed your legs shut as your beautiful body waited for him on the couch. You were throbbing for him and it was too much to take.

He came back and opened your thighs making you whine.

Your stomach had butterflies in them and every time he touched you, you would shutter in its wake.

He got on top of you and kissed your neck leaving fresh new love bites on them. You whined when he did this. You grabbed him around his neck and kissed him there. You earned a groan from him and it excited you. You decided that you would step out of place and do everything to him you wanted just in case you never seen him again.

You grabbed his face and crashed your lips to his. He was surprised but he responded. He lost control as the kiss deepened and your heart nearly stoped.

He broke the kiss and kissed your collar bone, kissing you above your breast and so on, till he got to your woman hood. He slid your panties to your lingerie set to the side and took your clit in his mouth.

You whined. He was also stepping out of place. You were there to please him. Not him to please you. You weren't supposed to receive oral sex from your client, you were there to do it for him.

He shoved to finger in you and you lost it. You coming undone right beneath him. He sucked your clit and fingered you trying to get you off. Nothing but your cries filled the room.

When you came you nearly screamed. He held your hands from trying to push him away but you were so sensitive you couldn't take it. But then he made you cum again, -and you were sure your body would lose its soul. Your toes curling at the feeling he was giving you.

Yoongi hovered over you and pulled your boobs out of the baby doll. Kneading then softly making you twitch with every touch. Your whole body sensitive from his touch, it knowing what he was capable of,- making you cum. You came so hard for him.

He stood up and pulled his pants down to his thighs all while watching you and grabbed a condom off the table. He rolled it on and then hovered over you. He lined up with your entrance and then shoved into you.

You cried out. So sensitive already it feeling so intense as he fucked you.

He came down onto you, you grabbed him close. " I love you,” he whispered. And there it went, your soul left your body. He left kisses on your neck and surprisingly initiated the kiss. You responding quickly. He broke the kiss and watched as he fucked you, your eyes closed and whining beneath him.

He like you like that.

Yoongi pulled you up so you could sit on his lap and grabbed you by your waist and bouncing you up and down off him. You cried out and your tits bounced with the rhythm. You were so sexy to him it was dangerous. He could fall for a girl like you, but he wouldn't allow it.

Yoongi told you that he loved you again, and you whined when he fucked you harder. You finally told him you loved him back and he groaned when it left your lips, - him crashing his lips to yours again.

You wrapped your arms around his neck again and you humped the shit out of him. Yoongi entangled his arms from you and grabbed your face as you guys kissed. It being a little too intimate. You putting all your feelings into it and him?

You didn't know.

"You love me?" he said after he broke the kiss?

You shook your head yes

"Tell me."

"I love you," you breathed, igniting his intense orgasm.

He stiffened inside of you emptying his frustrations into you.

You came with him and that third strike took you out. You screamed his name this time and collapsed on his chest. With your head on his shoulder grabbing him tightly. And you just stayed like that. you clinging to him and crying.

He rubbed your back and you stayed like that. Just listening to each other's breathing. You didn't want this to end. You didn't want to NOT see him anymore.

You needed this person in your life.there was just something about him. You needed him. You craved him. Longed for him.

Yoongi had became such an important part of your life and you didn't ask for it just happened.

You never experienced love before but the feeling you had when you were with him showed you otherwise.

Tears slightly ran down your face, you not wanting to face the reality that was and is Yoongi.

He was your client nothing more but you just didn't want to accept it.

He kissed your neck softly and you whined at the contact. He was still inside of you but he had started to soften.

You didn't want to move so you waited for him to. He didn't.

Yoongi didn't want to leave either. He felt weird around you and he didn't know why. He didn't like to think about it. He didn't want to figure it out. He was afraid of the outcome.

He contemplated even coming back in the first place and this was what he was afraid of. He was afraid of you. You scared him. You could unlock things he kept away. You seemed to break through to him penetrating through the intoxication he used as a mask.

No girl has ever done that and you scared him.

So when you never seen him again it broke you.

you were right you never saw him again.

Yoongi never came back.

And he was never going to.

52 notes · View notes

floralseokjin · 4 years ago

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✨💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! 🏆Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you're amazing inside and out 💛✨

i am really late to replying to this but thank you so much 💖 ur the best!!

#bang-me-bangtan-style #message

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deobis · 4 years ago

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🥺🥺🥺 thank u sm <3

#yall are so cute #bang-me-bangtan-style #eri.asks

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flakandforay · 7 years ago

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Weekly Fanfic Recommendations 242

hello to gummy smile yoongi yes

if you can support my ko-fi, it would mean the world to me

let’s start~

1) Keep me Low

by @endearkim

a jimin x y/n fic

one shot

doctor au

you knew jimin is a workaholic, but still, you only wanted him to get enough rest

2) Feedback

by @yminie

a taehyung x y/n x hoseok fic

one shot

( bless my soul )

you were embarrassed but when you told your two roommates what you were embarrassed about, they were more than willing to help you out

3) Periapt

by @rbuns

a jungkook x y/n fic

oneshot

demon au, exorcist au, incubus au

( oh wow )

you had to summon a lessening demon and get an object of binding to pass the final assessment but clearly, things dont always go as planned and now you have summoned an incubus

4) Churro Chumps

by @cinnaminsvga

a yoongi x y/n fic

one shot

college au

( i died )

5) Peppermint

by @endearkim

a namjoon x y/n fic

ongoing series with part one out

( love it )

honestly who knew you would find out your secret fbi agent

6) You’re mine

by @bang-me-bangtan-style

a jungkook x y/n fic

one shot

7) Treat you better

by @bang-me-bangtan-style

a taehyung x y/n fic

one shot

he knew you wanted it

8) Hades

by @littlemisskookie

a yoongi x y/n fic

oneshot

part of the greek god au series

( this hurts my heart )

the new kid seems to get on your nerves but should you be focusing on him or on the murders going around in town

9) A Wish out of Water

by @jimlingss

a yoongi x y/n fic

completed two-shot

genie au

( bless, this was so cute )

a genie would have solved everything for you, but the one you found was not the ordinary one

10) Four Seasons

by @chinnychimchim

a jimin x y/n fic

one shot

lastly

11) Songbird

by @chinnychimchim

a vocal line x y/n fic

one shot

( breathes heavily )

you wanted their babies

this is all for this fic rec, another one up soon~

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btssavedmylifeblr · 7 years ago

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B****!!!!! Your story dna is so f****ng good I can’t wait for the next part I’m crying 😭 I love you! Why you do this too me 🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻

Thank you!!! Hahaha

I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! Thanks for letting me know! Next part coming April 6th!

Also, I saw your other comments. Hooray for fellow old married kpoppers! Message me anytime!

#dna #bang-me-bangtan-style

0 notes

dari-ede · 2 years ago

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In the Middle of the Night: Ch. 3

Chapter 3: “Fading in and out of Long Nights”

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader

Rating: M (future sexually explicit scenes)

Status: COMPLETE

Note: There will be a few other celebrities making appearances, but will only be briefly. This is mostly an RMxOC story.

Guest appearance: Jackson Wang (Got7). He'll pop up a couple of times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been days since the meeting with BH and the guys. I was fully at work on different projects, such as the workshops for the guys and other songs for other HYBE artists. It was around noon while I was finishing a draft when I received a “good morning” message from Namjoon.

Before responding to him, I emailed my draft to PD Bang and CC’d the song’s other producers. I responded to Namjoon and headed to the kitchen. Soon, we were messaging back and forth as I cleaned my dishes.

Me: Try ‘afternoon’, lazy. What time did you go to sleep?

Moni: 3? 4?

Me: I went to sleep at 2. And still managed to get my ass out of bed by 8.

Moni: You’re a more self-disciplined person than I am. This is not news

Me: Are you at least out of bed?

Moni: Yeah just showered

Me: Yuuuum

Moni: kkkkk. What were you doing? Working?

Even through text Namjoon still got shy and would dodge any flirtatious comments I would make. I could practically see him blushing. As much as I wanted to continue to teasing him, I cut him a break.

Me: A little. I was about to start on workshop ideas

Moni: I was going to work on them, too. Want to meet up and go over a few things?

Me: Sure. RKive?

Moni: Yeah I can meet you there in 2 hours.

Me: 2 hours? You live 20 minutes away. It takes you that long to get dolled up?

Moni: I need coffee and food

Me: I have leftovers from my burrito this morning. Want some?

Moni: …what kind of burrito?

Me: I can add sausage. It won’t be vegan. I know you like your meat.

Moni: Thank you!

Me: Meet you there in an hour.

As soon as he liked my comment, I started on the burrito. I ended up having enough for two. I decided to add more kimchi and rice, knowing Namjoon’s palate preference. After I packaged the burritos, I took a quick shower.

I decided on a casual look so I threw on some jeans shorts with a yellow blouse. Before leaving, I walked to the mirror for a critical look at my outfit.

I used to be a laidback type of girl who didn’t care much for style. My go-to outfit used to be baggy jeans and a simple tee or shorts with an oversized t-shirt. But living in Seoul, made me pay attention to what material and color went best with me. I even accessorized now. However, my makeup continued to be minimal.

I decided on a few accessories and quickly braided my hair. I noticed I was running late, so I hurried out.

The traffic to HYBE was a bit heavy; I arrived later than I would have preferred. I managed to get out of HYBE elevators and to Namjoon's studio with two minutes to spare. Namjoon was usually early, so I was surprised to find his studio locked. It was rare when he ran late. I took off my shoes as I waited for him.

No more than a minute later, I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I glanced up and saw it was Namjoon semi-jogging towards me. He was wearing khaki shorts, a sleeveless white shirt, Nikes, a black bucket hat, his signature silver hoop earrings, a working bag over his shoulder, and an iced coffee at hand. He certainly had come a long way since his chain-wearing, mohawk hair, and heavy eyeliner days. Back when he was lanky and his arms were thin, but now strutted around like some bulky hunk.

“Sorry,” he said, snapping me away from drooling over him. “Were you waiting long?” He took off his shoes and unlocked the door.

I decided to mess with him. “Like ten minutes. Your burritos are cold,” I said as I waved the small bag in my hand that contained his breakfast.

He reached down and gently took them from my hand. He leaned in several inches until I was at eye level with his hooded, brown eyes. A warm quiver made its way down my back. “Liar,” he accused. “I saw you running into the elevator from the front lobby. You beat me by a minute.” He pulled back as he opened the door and held it open for me.

I smiled mischievously and brushed past him. “Why didn’t you call out to me? I would have waited for you.”

“I wanted to see if you would be honest with me. You failed.” He closed the door behind us.

I looked around to see what I could use as a desk. “Can I use that for my laptop?” I asked, pointing to the wooden side table against the wall.

He nodded and moved it for me in front of the couch.

“Thank you.” I took out my things and set shop on the wooden table.

Namjoon went over to his desk and organized himself. Once he was settled, he took out his burritos. He opened his mouth so wide, eyes looking as if they were going to pop out of their sockets, but would only consume a small amount of food. He looked so adorable taking such big, small bites from his food. I smiled privately at his cuteness.

We chatted for a bit before we started on some ideas he had for his workshop.

We worked for six hours straight, and it was I who spoke up about taking a break.

I noticed Namjoon was starting to rub his temple a little too much. It was a habit of his I now recognized to mean he needed food in his system.

He looked hesitant, but when I pulled out the menu options on my phone of where we could order from, he was fully intrigued.

After putting in our order, we continued to work. Once one of the BH staff brought our order up, we set aside our work. Namjoon moved to the floor next to me and we began to eat. Finally, we were able to fully chat about non-work-related topics.

“I finished the book last night,” Namjoon stated as he took a bite from his noodles.

I wasn’t sure which book he was referring to. He was going back and forth between two books I had recommended. “Alire Sáenz or Ngozi Adichie?”

“Alire Sáenz.”

“Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe?” I smiled as I asked the question.

His dimples instantly appeared as he chortled. “You enjoy saying that title.”

“It’s an awesome title. Why do you think I chose the book?”

He nodded, sweetly agreeing with me.

For the next ten minutes, we went over the novel and our thoughts on the characters and their different relationships with their parents. Namjoon related to Dante’s relationship with his parents: they were supportive, openly caring, and had great communication. I, on the other hand, found my relationship with my parents was similar to Ari’s with his own parents: distant and as if there was a heavily guarded secret that kept our relationship distant.

As I spoke, Namjoon placed his right hand on his chin with his fingers lingering across his mouth, as he looked at me intently with his warm, brown eyes. He always made me feel as if I had his undivided attention. Once I finished my explanation of why I familiarized myself with Ari, Namjoon's brows were lightly knitted together. “Have you brought this up to your parents? Feeling that there is something that keeps you from fully bonding?”

I brought up my legs to my chest, feeling a little too exposed and in need to get some physical security around me. “Getting Latinos to speak openly about their feelings is a very hard task. Often when I bring up an issue, they dismiss it. I know a little of my dad’s upbringing: an alcoholic father and a mother who worked much too hard to feed that habit instead of feeding the hunger of her six children. My mother grew up in an abusive household. Growing up, the only emotion they saw displayed by their parents was anger—which then bled into their own relationship. My brothers and I witnessed the toxicity. It’s generations of trauma.”

He was quiet for a moment as if analyzing it all. “You do well in speaking up.” There was a slight look of admiration in his eyes.

“There’s a difference between speaking up and opening up. Latinos have no problem being confrontational. We thrive off a good yelling match,” I said laughing. “But ask us about any childhood trauma? That’s when the beer and shots begin.”

“Why do you think you’re so different? You don’t hide from being open and honest.” A light smile lingered on his face.

“Therapy worked. And then my Tia Jia helped. She would ask me how I was doing—mostly focusing on my emotions. During the countless Korean lessons she gave me, I would also have small therapy sessions with her.” I smiled at the memory. I was grateful to my mother’s best friend—the woman who took on the role that the person who birthed me couldn’t. It upset me that I wasn’t close to my mother but having the relationship I did with my Tia Jia was one I adored and wouldn’t trade for anything. “Plus, I’m not really open to everyone. I might be openly caring and loving but talking about my emotions? I only do that with a few people.”

Namjoon’s dimples appeared. “I’m one of the lucky few?”

The question made me feel a little shy; he knew the answer. “I don’t even think I’ve told Hobi some of the things I’ve told you.” I could feel my cheeks getting warm. While I made friends easily and did well in social settings, I was very reserved. I had always kept my emotions and concerns to myself. But in the last two years, Namjoon had a way of getting me to open up with little to no effort.

There was silence in the room. I could feel brown eyes on me.

His deep voice rang in the small, quiet room. “I’m honored you feel you can open up to me.”

I let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Well, I might open up a little more to Hobi but he spends too much of his free time with his girlfriend. You’re equally as lonely as I am, so it’s easy to use you as my personal therapist.”

This made him break into laughter.

Suddenly the door rattled; the loud noise snapping our attention away from each other.

“Shit!” Namjoon jumped a little. These boys got scared too easily.

We both turned to the door and found a silhouette coming from the other side.

Namjoon let out a sigh that was reserved for his brothers. “He’s so needy.”

We watched as Jimin made movements against the door.

“You need to take a cue from Yoongi and install a keypad.” I began to clean up my stuff.

“I should,” Namjoon muttered.

Jimin continued his movements against the door.

“What do you want?” Namjoon called out to the door but didn’t make a motion to go to it.

Jimin heard this as an invitation and opened the door himself. He looked slightly flushed as if he had been working out for a good while. At seeing me, he gave me one of his flirtatious smiles. “Hi, noona.”

“Hi, cutie.” I grabbed my plate of leftovers. “Hungry?”

His eyes popped at the sight of food and he licked his lips. He let me feed him some noodles.

“How was the shoot?” asked Namjoon. He made his way to his chair.

Jimin nodded as he chewed and gave a thumbs up.

“What were you shooting?” I asked.

Still chewing, he answered, “A dance for the new Butter release.”

“Oh, the one with Megan Thee Stallion’s part?” I asked excitedly.

Jimin eyed me. “Did Namjoonie-hyung tell you or was it Hobi?”

“Hope,” I answered. “He sent me a couple videos of the practices. That footwork is complicated but you guys look tight.”

Jimin nodded. “It was difficult but fun. We shot it like 100 times yesterday.” He gave a small head shake. “What are you two up to?” He took another bite of food.

“Workshops.”

Jimin made a noise indicating he understood, but he didn’t hold too much interest in discussing it. After a moment of silence, I felt Jimin’s eyes were on me. I turned and noticed he was in fact looking at me with a smile on his face.

“What?” I asked. I had a sense his answer was going to annoy me.

He giggled and then turned to Namjoon, who had his back to us and writing something down. Jimin turned back to me, his smile only wider.

“What?” I demanded.

After a giggle, he cleared his throat and composed himself. “You look nice in that blouse.”

I frowned and looked down at my attire. Was I dressed inappropriately? The blouse fit me fine, I thought. It barely showed any cleavage.

Jimin continued to smile at his inside joke.

“Ignore him,” Namjoon advised, his back still to us.

Jimin then started one of his giggle fits.

I turned to Namjoon, completely lost.

Namjoon was dismissive. “He’s dumb. He took something I said out of context.”

“What?”

He let out a sigh. “I mentioned the other day how yellow looks good on you.”

This further confused me. “Ok?”

“He also went on to talk about that purple sweater you wear sometimes,” Jimin said, looking at Namjoon with a secret look.

Namjoon sent him a death stare.

“What sweater?” I asked.

“There’s this purple sweater you wore in the spring,” Namjoon said with reluctance. “I said the color complimented your skin tone. But Jimini likes to make something out of nothing.”

Jimin gave a breathy chortle.

Namjoon looked over at Jimin, looking more than done with him. “Are you in need for attention again? Did Hobi and Jungkook not give you enough of it?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jimin said innocently.

Namjoon stood up and started to kick his little brother out. Jimin put up a small fight.

Before Jimin left, he turned to me. “Are you still going bowling tonight?”

I nodded. “Yups. I’ll meet you there.”

He said his goodbye and allowed Namjoon to push him out of the room.

“What is going on with him?” I asked, remembered how he had been the other night at dinner. As if he had some sort of secret.

“I’m telling you—he’s dumb,” Namjoon said dismissively. “Who else is going bowling?” he asked, wanting to change the subject.

“A few others. Want to come?” I asked. A mutual friend had invited Jimin, me, and a few others some days ago. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to invite Namjoon but it felt awkward not to at this moment.

“What time?” he asked as he sat back on his chair.

“7, I think. It’s a private party. A small group of us is going. We’ll have a private room.”

“Yeah, sounds fun.”

“Jimin has the address. Catch a ride with him.”

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to stick him in the trunk.”

I smiled and then checked the time. It was getting a little late and there were still a couple of things I wanted to do before bowling.

“I need to get going. I need to run errands.” I began to gather my stuff.

Namjoon nodded. “Ok. I’ll see you later. Want to meet up again to plan?”

“Sure. Text me what times you’re free. I’m meeting Yoongi tomorrow and Tae in a couple of days.” I stuck the last piece of item inside my bag.

Namjoon looked a bit taken aback. “Suga asked for help?”

I scoffed. “No. I’m inviting myself over and helping him plan it out. Otherwise, he’ll just make something up the morning of his workshop.”

He tilted his head. “That tends to work for him.”

“I know. But can you imagine how better his songs could be if he took his time with them, rather than working on them for an hour and just submitting them as is?” I was secretly jealous of how Yoongi was able to create masterpieces in such little time. He never stressed over a song; he just let a song be. I was the opposite. I overanalyzed every lyric and chord and beat.

Namjoon chuckled. “Don’t be too disappointed when all he does is ignore you.”

“Oh, I’m gonna make it happen.” I took my bag.

As I turned to the door, Namjoon was already there and opening it for me. I thanked him as I stepped outside. “See you in a bit.”

He gave a gentle wave. “Bye.”

I noticed he didn’t go back into the studio until I was turning the corner.

~~~~~

After getting groceries, I did a few chores around my apartment and decided to take a small nap. There was no way I was going to make it past midnight without one.

By the time I woke up, I noticed I didn’t have long to get ready. I cursed myself for not setting an alarm, but I had no idea my body had felt so exhausted.

I rushed to my closet and took out one of my favorite jeans along with the first shirt that would go well with it. My braid was a mess, so I decided to pull it apart. It was still damp from my shower in the morning, so I applied some product. It was naturally curly, and the braid had tightened the curls. Thankfully, I was out of my apartment at a decent time.

When I arrived at the location, a couple of friends were already there, including Jungkook.

Namjoon and Jimin arrived a few minutes later. I was sure their tardiness was due to Jimin. They had taken a car together; it was only natural that Namjoon would arrive late as well.

Jimin was sporting a pair of slacks and a cozy sweater while Namjoon wore overalls and a loose white t-shirt underneath. He had ditched his timberlands for combat boots. He pulled the outfit like a model.

Everyone exchanged greetings with the pair of them.

I caught Jimin staring at me and he give a small giggle. I ignored him.

Jungkook frowned at Namjoon. “I thought you were working in the studio tonight.”

Jungkook was standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders, I could feel his nose get close to my hair and take a whiff of it. This was not uncommon for him to do, so it didn’t bother me.

Namjoon shook his head. “I’ll do that after,” he said as he took a seat next to me.

After we settled on the teams, a staff came over to take out drink orders. I asked for a martini.

As the staff walked away, Namjoon turned to me with a serious face.

“Aren’t you driving, Maya?” His face was full of concern.

“It’s one drink. We’re going to be here for at least an hour. And if I don’t feel fine, then I can just walk around the corner to that one dumpling place and sober up before I leave,” I explained. I knew my limitations. I would never drive under the influence, which is why I wanted to have a drink right at the beginning of the game, so I had enough time to get it off my system.

Namjoon gave a nod. We all walked over to the bowling balls to select which we were going to use.

As I was looking for one that was the ideal weight for myself, I noticed Jimin looking at me.

“Nice blouse, noona. It compliments you very well,” he said.

I frowned and looked down. And that’s when I noticed it. I was wearing purple. Dammit. I internally groaned. Jimin was totally going to make this a thing.

Sure enough, Jimin’s laughter boomed.

I wanted to shove him. But I knew it would only draw attention and more people would get involved in the teasing.

Thankfully, only Jungkook was interested in Jimin’s laughter and Jimin didn’t tell him what it was he was laughing about.

I did my best to talk to my team and keep their focus away from Jimin.

As we strategized, the door to our private room opened. We looked up and a good-looking guy wearing all black made his way over to us.

“What’s up everyone?” Jackson greeted the room.

We all shouted out pleasantries.

I was one of the first he got to. “You made it,” I said as I gave him a hug.

He held on for several seconds before letting go. “Hey, chica,” my friend, Jackson Wang, said to me with one of his many smiles. He turned to Namjoon and they dapped up. “Where you been, man? I invited you to boy’s night the other day and you said you were fully booked.”

They had a sweet friendship. It was a strange combination. Jackson was a jokester and Namjoon tended to focus more on work rather than play. They were good for each of them. Jackson quieted down with Namjoon and Namjoon loosened up with Jackson.

Namjoon smiled at the teasing. “I finished a few things early. How you been, man?”

This was another part of Namjoon I enjoyed seeing. His way of speaking and physical stance changed around Jackson. Namjoon already had a cool demeanor but around certain people—like Jackson—that coolness turned to swag. His body was looser, his stance slouchier, his chin higher, his legs further apart. More relaxed and himself. It made him kind of hot if I was being honest.

The pair continued to chat as the game started.

When the waiter came with our drinks, he placed them on a table near us, keeping a social distance.

A couple of us went and retrieved the drinks, me being one of them. Many of the group also wanted water, so I made my way to get some—there was a jug not too far away.

As I made my way back with several cups and a jar of water, I overheard Namjoon and Jackson talking. But it wasn’t the simple fact that they were talking that caught my attention, but that my name was brought up. I stopped in my tracks.

Their backs were to me as they faced the bowling alley, so they weren’t aware I was so close.

“Of course, you came today. Maya's here, so why wouldn't you be,” Jackson said.

Jungkook laughed.

“Huh?” asked Namjoon, sounding lost.

Jackson laughed. “Is he still in denial?”

Jungkook gave a nod. “Yes.”

“Seriously man, you need to make a move,” Jackson said. “Maya is a catch. She’s kind, cool, talented, intelligent—she can keep up with you. Not to forget, she's hot. Guys keep lining up for her. And one of these days, she’s going to find a keeper and you’re going to hate yourself. If you don’t think you have a shot with her, then I’m going to step in—”

Ewww. I knew Jackson was joking. We had been friends long enough for me to know when he was joking. But it still didn’t make me want to gag any less at the thought of him liking me. It was like hearing an annoying little cousin liked me. “Jungkook, can you come help me?” I wanted to stop this conversation, quickly.

Namjoon, Jackson, and Jungkook turned to me and saw me ‘struggling’—I was pretending to lose balance with the cups and jar in my hands.

They got to their feet and hurried over to me. I handed Namjoon and Jungkook the cups and gave Jackson the jar. He even offered his arm to guide me to my seat.

I knew what he was playing and I remembered his gross words from a moment ago. I noticed he sent Namjoon a sly look as he extended his arm to me.

“Fuck off, Jackson,” I said in English as I swatted his arm and made my way to our seats.

He laughed.

“Namjoonah—you’re up,” called out one of our friends.

Namjoon put down the cups and headed to the front.

Jimin, Jungkook, and Jackson began to tease him. Normally, I was quick to quiet them down, but I kept playing Jackson’s words to Namjoon in my head.

You need to make a move.

What move was he talking about? Did he mean romantically?

In the years of me living in Seoul, some of our friends had made remarks about Namjoon and I getting involved, but it normally was in jest—or so it seemed to me. While Jackson had used his joking tone when he said he would ask me out, he certainly sounded serious with everything else.

As I observed Namjoon toss his bowling ball down the lane and miss all ten pins—twice—I replayed Jackson’s words, unsure how I felt about them.

For the next two hours, I did my best to forget the words. We managed to have a good time during the game. We all mostly sucked—except for Jungkook and Jackson—but we enjoyed the company…and drinks. Jackson ordered me another when he saw I had finished the martini. I caught Namjoon eyeing it. I knew it bothered him when I drank before driving. His neck was a little tense and was pretending to be engaged with whoever was up next.

I made sure to not have more than one sip from Jackson’s drink. I didn’t want to be rude to and not at least drink some of it.

The game was over a short while later. Most of us stayed to chat, but eventually, we all dispersed.

Namjoon, Jackson, Jimin, and I were the last ones to leave. Jungkook had left in his own car, hurrying home to his girlfriend and puppy.

The four of us who remained finally headed to the door.

Jackson had his arm around my shoulders. “Why don’t you guys come over? I’m meeting with Jinyoung and Bam. We’re gonna have some more drinks.”

“We have a few meetings tomorrow,” explained Jimin with a slight pout.

“Just one drink,” Jackson insisted.

Jimin turned to Namjoon, “Do you want to?”

Namjoon gave him an encouraging nod. “Go if you want. Enjoy yourself. I really need to get back to the studio. I’ll call another car.”

Jackson let out a grunt. He pulled me a little closer. “You’ll go, right Maya? I know if I can get you to come over, Mr. Workaholic will come also come.”

“He likes to work, leave him be,” I defended Namjoon.

Namjoon sent me a small smile of appreciation.

“And I really need to call it a night. I have a few things to work on as well,” I said before Jackson could try to persuade me.

We were about to exit our private location, so I stepped away from Jackson’s embrace. There would be people who would instantly recognize the guys and I had to make sure I kept my distance. “I’ll let you all leave first.”

I gave Jackson and Jimin a hug as Namjoon said he was going to call a car.

Jimin and Jackson looked at each other and shared a smile and look.

Namjoon shook his head to the side and took out his phone to make a call.

Jackson and Jimin waved to us as they left the room, big grins over their faces.

It would be another ten or fifteen minutes for a car to get to Namjoon. We were alone until then.

“I really don’t want to leave you,” Namjoon said suddenly.

I frowned at him. “That came out of nowhere.”

“Doesn’t seem as if you’ve fully sobered up,” he said as he looked at me intently.

“What makes you say that?” I asked. I didn’t even feel a buzz.

“Girl, your face is flushed,” he explained. “You talk a big talk, but you’re a lightweight.”

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was teasing. We both knew damn well I was good at holding down my liquor. “Get dumplings with me, then.” I reached for his overalls and pulled at them lightly. It was a slightly flirty move, but I did this to him at times.

He smiled back as he let his body be pulled towards mine. He usually shied away from my advances, but this time, he was giving in. “Let’s order delivery and get a cab to the dorms?”

He was so close he was almost hovering. I felt a sudden shiver. “I like driving myself.”

He shook his head, but a smile lingered touched his lips. “What’s up with that? I don’t get why you always have to be the one who drives.”

I looked up into his chocolate-warm eyes. How was it that I felt like telling him everything? “Dr. Rob says that it’s due to childhood trauma. Any time I can have control—I take it. As a kid, I didn’t feel secure with the adults around me—they were way too chaotic. When I’m not in control, my anxiety kicks in.”

Everything always pointed to childhood, didn’t it?

Namjoon didn’t say anything for a moment. He seemed to take in and try to understand what I had just said. With a soft expression, he said, “I’m sorry for not understanding before.”

As always, his apology was sincere.

“The dumpling place is close. Let’s walk there and pick some up?” I asked, looking down and kicking his combat boot lightly.

Namjoon let out a groan, but not because of my kick. “I’d like to, but…”

“People will see.” I finished for him.

He simply sighed.

Most of the time, it was amazing being best friends with Kim Namjoon. Not a moment with him felt dull or wasted. But there were times I was reminded that he was also RM, leader of the biggest K-Pop band in the world. If I were to be openly friends with him in the public eye, our privacy would only get smaller.

I really wanted this whole COVID shit to end. Then we could take a trip together to a place no one knew us and we could enjoy each other’s company. We had already thought of a few places we could travel to once things went back to normal. Now all that was left to do was wait.

“Just bring the dumplings over to the studio. I have makgeolli.” He was trying to bait me with one of my favorite drinks. Damn him.

“Didn’t you say you needed to work on a few things tonight? And you have meetings in the morning,” I reminded him.

“It’ll only be for a few hours. I just need five hours of sleep,” Namjoon explained.

I really didn’t want to be the cause of his little sleep. Plus, I had my own work to think about.

“Come on…” He reached over and poked my side. “Just one drink.”

I looked at him and he suddenly had a puppy look on his face with his pouty lips. He knew I couldn’t say no to him now. I smacked him lightly. “Damn you. Fine. One drink!”

He smiled in victory.

“I’ll go pick up the dumplings. Meet you at the studio in about 30 minutes.” I set off to the dumpling place and ordered for us as he waited for his car.

We met at RKive a little more than half an hour later.

He had changed out of his clothes again. He had on some Gucci sweatpants with a simple white t-shirt. He had taken off his combat boots and put on his comfy slippers.

There were small bowls, ladles, and makgeolli ready by the time I stepped into his studio. As I placed the food on the small table, I had a small doubt looking at the makgeolli.

Namjoon missed nothing. “What?”

“Huh?”

“You have that look on your face,” he said simply as he opened the bag of food and began to take out the dumplings.

“What look?” I didn’t like people analyzing my face.

He chuckled. “You’re not sure of something. You made a face.”

It was irritating sometimes that he knew me so well. Only sometimes. “I don’t think the makgeolli is going to go well with the dumplings.”

“I have sake,” he suggested.

I nodded. That would work. Makgeolli would have to wait for another day.

We drank one ochoko each. Neither of us was a heavy drinker, just did so occasionally. It was another thing we had in common. We liked liquor for the taste of it, not so much for the feeling it gave us. I personally had never been drunk; too afraid of being out of my own control. I had a feeling this was one of the main reasons Namjoon also didn’t get drunk often either. We liked to have a clear mind so we would make logical decisions.

We ate a little but mostly chatted for a good hour before Namjoon forced himself to work. I was feeling light-headed, so I stayed and watched him work. I gave a few suggestions when he asked for opinions, but I mostly lay on the couch as he labored on the computer.

I didn’t get to see this side of him often. When he worked, he was mostly alone in the studio. It was one of my favorite versions of him: the hard worker.

He had put on an oversized hoodie, his hood wrapped around his head. Headphones were covering one ear as he looked intently at his screen. His left fingers stroked the keyboard every once in a while as his right hand skimmed the mousepad. His shoulders were hunched over as he listened to the beat. He muttered to himself every so often. He was so consumed in his craft, that he forgot I was there. And I couldn’t help but like the feeling. I was watching a version of him many didn’t get to see.

He let out a heavy sigh and began to stretch his neck, rotating round and round. He did a turn on his chair and his eyes landed on mine. He looked a little surprised at the sight of me. Then he let out a nervous laugh. “I forgot you were here.”

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically.

He got up from his chair. “Sorry.” He started walking over to me. “You look better, though.”

I gave him a look. “Are you saying I looked like shit?”

“You never look like shit.” He took a seat on the floor and leaned against the couch.

I pulled myself upright and threw my legs on the ground. “You looked cute working,” I admitted to him as I slid down to sit next to him.

He frowned. “How?”

I shrugged. “You were fully engrossed; very focused. It’s nice to see how that genius brain of yours works while you’re creating something.”

He shook his head slightly. “I’m not that smart.”

“Your IQ says differently.”

“That was just a test. A piece of paper that doesn’t apply to real life—real art,” he said with all seriousness. “You and Yoongi create amazing music that I never could. You play multiple musical instruments, you can carry full conversations in three languages, and you have more education than I do—a bachelor’s degree. You’re smarter than I am.”

“There’s a difference between genius and smart. I know I’m smart. But that came with great difficulty. I’m not naturallysmart—I needed a lot of private tutors and lessons to get me there. I had the luxury of growing up with opportunities—my parents were wealthy. I had tutors to assist me. But you have the kind of brain that very few are born with.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but I shut him up it with my hand. “I don’t want to hear it.”

I was so close to him, I could see the black streaks in his deep, warm cocoa irises. He had such deep brown eyes, it was surprising to find they weren’t as dark as I thought they were.

It took a while to notice I had moved closer to him. So much so, that I could feel his breath on my face. I pulled back, feeling embarrassed.

He looked a little off as well as he looked at me. Had I made him feel uncomfortable? Dammit, this crush I had on him was lasting way too long this time around. It was getting a little too out of hand.

He kept staring at me, as if he wanted to say something but was holding back.

“What?” I asked instinctively.

Namjoon was about to say something, but his phone buzzed. He let out a grunt and read the message, making him give out another grunt. “Sorry, I told Rabbit I would send this to him by midnight.”

I remembered where I was and checked the time. It was well past midnight. “It’s ok. I should really get going.” I got up.

He did the same. “Let me at least call you a car. Please.”

His eyes were pleading so much and it was pretty late. Seoul was pretty safe, even this late at night, but I didn’t want to worry Namjoon. “Ok.”

Relief spread across his face. He made a quick phone call. My car would be in the parking lot in a few minutes.

“Are you busy this weekend?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Wanna visit another museum?”

Museums and nature were Namjoon’s church. It kept him sane and stable. He had his trouble with depression. He got lost too much in his thoughts that if not kept in check, those thoughts would turn dark. He had admitted to me if he went without going outside for a long time, those dark thoughts would start consuming him. So, at least once a month, I went with him on either a museum trip or a hiking trail.

“I was thinking more of a hike,” he answered.

“Sure. Will Yongrae and Hakun be there?” I asked, referring to two friends he shared his love for art and tended to go with him almost everywhere.

“I’m sure they will.” He got a message on his phone. “Your car is ready,” he told me.

I gathered my things and began to head to the door.

“Text me once you’re home,” he said as he followed me.

We smiled goodbye and just like earlier today, he watched me leave from his doorway.

As I made my way down to the parking lot floor, my heart sped, and my breathing became heavier. What the hell was happening? I had actually leaned in. Our faces had been just a few inches from each other. God, I needed to get it together.

I vaguely recalled the ride home and even less, how I got to my front door. My mind swam around my feelings for Namjoon.

My body started to feel the weight of the long day by the time I stepped into my room. I felt exhausted from bowling and mentally tired from the worry. I had a feeling that despite the million questions floating in my head, my body was going to pass out soon.

I threw myself on my bed and wrote Namjoon a quick message, keeping my promise.

Me: Made it home.

Moni: Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

His response was quick but short as if he had been waiting for my message.

I fell asleep, smiling at the thought of him waiting for my answer.

Throughout the night, I held onto my phone like it was a blankey.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #rm #rm x reader #friends to lovers #friendship #jackson wang #eventual smut #eventual relationship #InTheMiddleOfTheNight #Spotify #rm x maya

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