#balance restored but at what cost { post greenie event verse }

[avataroftheswarm]

@threadsandwings from here

The swarm shifts to look at Audrey, feeling bad for being snappish almost immediately. She's one of the people that didn't deserve their current moodiness, one of the people they could still settle next to without feeling a tiny simmering spark of anger flicking through their swarm.

They sit up, shedding sand from being half buried, and sigh a little.

"You're okay Audrey, I'm just grumpy. Not with you though." The swarm shifts to face her, crossing their legs to lean their elbows on their knees, chin in their hand. Their eyes have the faintest trace of a glow in the moonlight.

"What's up, you look all serious. Did something happen that I missed? There's been a lot going on lately."

[avataroftheswarm]

The Worm on her shoulder buzzes its wings loudly as a low hum can be heard, along with the rapid tapping of soft booted feet. Seems a swarm has arrived.

To their credit, they slow down before they hit the door instead of barreling in and poke their head in first. Zazie has stuck to their usual small form for now, not wanting to startle Audrey by being bigger out of nowhere. It would have been a funny prank, if it wouldn't be particularly mean.

"You're awake! You slept forever, I was starting to think you weren't going to wake up." The statement is flippant but they aren't very good at hiding the worried tone of their voice nor good at making the look over they give her casual.

"Rook said you'd be okay though. I thought you'd be safest here." Zazie proceeds to attach themself to Rook's leg, clinging to him since they're not sure they should hang on Audrey yet.

@threadsandwings

Rook let out a little sigh, but he seemed more bemused then anything else. She seemed like she was trying to pace herself at least. He wasn't about to scold someone who was putting in effort to do what he asked. "Well, if you've got a good appetite, I'm not going to complain about that. It's not too odd for people in your position to get a little disconnected from the signals their bodies are sending them." Maybe he should offer her meal in smaller courses rather then all at once? That way she didn't eat too much before her stomach had to understand that it was full. "You seem like you're doing well with that. Do you think you might want a bit more?" Rook asked her.

@avataroftheswarm

[avataroftheswarm]

They'd waited until Nico was safe with Knives, until they were sure he was going to live. They'd told the Plant they'd go ask the Doctor they knew to either come see him or to let them take Nico there.

And they would. They were going to go to Rook. But they had one stop to make before they went.

Punk was easy for them to track. They'd been distracted with everything and everyone else and hadn't marked it as odd when he left, hadn't really noticed honestly. There's a thread of anger toward themself for not checking in immediately but there's so much more aimed at the blond they've zeroed in on. It's a swirling vortex of fury that overrides any fear they were still holding onto, drives them straight down at him feet first square at his back between his shoulder blades.

They're using their small form, not because it's smaller but because it's now denser, more concentrated and heavy with their full swarm condensed into the smaller space. Flinging themself at him at such high speed, more condensed, they're hoping it'll hurt.

He deserves it.

"YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE TO DIE YOU ASSHOLE!!" Zazies shrieks, fury making their voice off and echoey and their eyes back to that poison green. "YOU ABANDONED NICHOLAS LIKE HE WAS NOTHING, HOW COULD YOU!? I TRUSTED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!! IS IT JUST BECAUSE HE'S NOT YOURS!? IF HE'S NOT YOUR NICK YOU'RE OKAY WITH LEAVING HIM BEHIND TO ROT ALONE!?"

@cakotopia

[avataroftheswarm]

To be fair to Zaz, they don't handle Emotions super well yet and they've been chasing everyone else around watching them be worried for months at this point.

They have not mastered the sacred art of Shaking Sense into a Vash yet.

[avataroftheswarm]

Soothe- either direction

Scenarios

SOOTHE :  for one muse to calm the other during a panic attack.

Zazie doesn't understand what's happening. They don't know this feeling spreading through their swarm, infesting every piece of them. They think it might be fear of some kind but there isn't anything here to be afraid of. Everyone they care about is safe and mostly sound, the danger has passed, been taken care of. For now. They'd just been sitting on Rook's roof, thinking about it all, turning every piece over in their head, reliving it all where they can examine everything with the benefit of hindsight.

Maybe... they shouldn't have done that.

It's been a few days, long enough for them to flit between most of the parties involved and see them settle. They'd brought Audrey to Rook to recover from whatever plugging her head into a computer did to her. They hadn't allowed themself to really settle and think yet, this was the first time...

They were shaking. Each member of the swarm was but they weren't losing cohesion, instead clinging all the more tightly to each other where they were safer, as a whole. They were shaking, buzzing, curled into a ball without realizing they'd moved. Why couldn't they remember moving? They couldn't move, they couldn't think, everything was narrowed down to blood and meat and a demon's eyes looking out of formerly familiar ones, an empty and dead gaze from another pair. A twisting, tightening sensation that said 'you helped, you helped, its part your fault those eyes looked like that, that they nearly died.' Why why why what is this, what is happening to them!?

There's a small hand on their back, then another. Turning to see who it is feels nearly impossible and one violently green eye peeks at Audrey for a long moment before they reach to tangle fingers in her cloak and hold, refusing to let go.

A familiar face, or mask, helps. A familiar scent helps more. The thought of someone else who's seen what they have, all the insanity, the demons and blood, that helps too.

Words don't come but they bury themself against her chest with a surge of movement that's all they can manage. They still don't know what's going on, why this is happening, but it's a little easier now. Just enough. They can figure this out, they've got to.

Being so close to others has changed them. It's not all entirely for the better.

[avataroftheswarm]

"......" They're silent for a bit, looking a little lost as they chew through what to say in response to that.

"Only a little bit. Knives threw me against a wall but I forgive him. I was kneeling over the mess that was Vash at the time and I think I scared him." They tilt their head and make a face. "It turns out we're capable of getting attached to people. We weren't expecting it to hurt when we thought Vash died and now.... I don't know where Ele is either. I forgot about her in the chaos and that makes me feel... sick? Kinda? I'm not sure what that emotion is but I don't like it."

avataroftheswarm​:

“He can’t hide forever and he probably doesn’t know that he has to hide from us now too. We’ll find him eventually and then we’ll tell Knives where he is and it won’t be a problem anymore. Maybe he’ll get Ele to come stay here and it’ll be fine.”

They’re feeling more then a little guilty for essentially forgetting about her in the chaos and stress of the moment and hoping that she was in the top of the tower with Conrad. If Ele got killed or hurt because she was abandoned like that… They’d be upset. Same with their younger Legato, though they’re not going to talk about him with Nico. They’re not that insensitive.

“Good. I hope it’s painful.” He sighed, glancing back at Zazie with a raised eyebrow.

“…What’s got you so worried, by the way? Didn’t think you’d give a damn ‘bout any of this stuff.” His tone wasn’t derisive, or even at all hostile, simply curious. And tired. “You didn’t get hurt, did ya?”

[avataroftheswarm]

Yeah no, they're finding reinforcements. They're not equipped to deal with this.

[avataroftheswarm]

Zazie had spent a good several hours curled up with Nico after he'd woken up and been properly lucid. Keeping an eye on everyone immediately after the events of July had been exhausting but they couldn't just stop moving to lick their metaphorical wounds like everyone else could. They had people to check on, people to search for, and growing to do. They'd gone somewhat reluctantly but they didn't really want to spend time around Punk yet and there was just too much to do and see to.

For all that they were many eyes, they were only one mouth. Any time they needed to communicate they had to actually be there in person.

Audrey was going to need them there in person at the very least. Nico would be okay with Punk. They'd promised to come back and check on him in a while.

A while ended up being almost a week but helping Rook with Audrey and growing their new form had taken a bit longer then they'd anticipated.

Since it was the middle of the day, they didn't fly in, just walked into the inn and slipped past the innkeeper with all the ease their small form allowed. Maybe they'd show Nico their new shape and see what he thought of it. Maybe they'd just crawl under his blankets and nap on him again. He was really good for that.

It wasn't like they could currently nap on either of their brothers right now.

They were busy musing when a scent tickled their senses. Familiar and easily identified but confusing in a place like this. Old blood, the faint beginnings of rot, the stench of stale fear. They slowed their steps as they got closer to Punk's room. It wasn't so strong that it would be obvious to a human unless they lingered but... it was getting there.

And it was coming from Punk's room.

They try the door, frowning when it opens easily and cracking it to peer inside.

"Nico!!" The door is flung open carelessly as they lunge inside, past a corpse pinned to the wall like some macabre hanging. Blood is absolutely everywhere, soaking into the floor and the walls, and the puddle they dart through is only very faintly tacky. Days old, mostly all dried despite the lack of air circulation in the closed room. Nico is sprawled gracelessly on the floor, blood soaking his clothes just as much as the three unknown bodies nearby.

That utter terror they'd felt when they'd watched Punk get ripped apart surges through them again. There's a high buzzing whine emanating from them as they drop to the floor next to him, small hands searching for reassurance that he wasn't gone, that he hadn't survived July only to die alone trapped in this room, without help where was Punk!?

He breathes and makes a vague noise and they almost lose cohesion in the face of the wave of relief that crashes over them. He's alive. An absolute mess and hurt and hardly what they'd call conscious but he's alive.

"Nico, fuck, Nico! I don't even know if you can hear me but I'm going to get help! I don’t want to move you and hurt you worse! I'm leaving some of my swarm here, you'll be okay, they'll keep you safe. I'm coming right back!" They surge to their feet and let go of very nearly half their swarm, damn glad they'd grown enough to do that much. The Worms shove the door shut again as Zazie pushes the window open to leap out, breaking apart as they go. A few of the avian Worms take their place, one perched to guard the open window and another taking a spot right next to Nico, in case he wakes up enough to see it.

Fear turns to fury as the swarm flies. Where was Punk!? He was supposed to be taking care of Nico while he healed! That blood was too dried, the stench of rot too far along for this to have happened too recently! Days! He'd left Nico alone for days! And Nico had clearly been attacked and nearly killed after he was already hurt!

WHERE THE FUCK WAS PUNK!?

"Knives!!" They shout as soon as they reach their destination and reform into a shape able to form words. Worms shift and crawl in and out of their guise, eyes glowing poison green, and their voice hums and echoes oddly with too many individuals just slightly out of sync in their anger.

"Knives!! Nico needs your help! He's hurt and Punk is gone!"

@nicholas-wolfwood @insilentruin

[avataroftheswarm]

Control? Oh... I see now, this has been about fear. You're still afraid of him and worry my antics will cause another uproar.

"Obviously! He's fully capable of wiping a whole city out! Why wouldn't anyone be concerned about that!?" They growl and tug on their hair.

"I don't want to hurt him more, he's not that husk anymore. I've been watching him hurt for 150 years, don't you all think thats enough?"

[avataroftheswarm]

"Well at least one of you isn't an asshole who just wants to laugh as the world burns. None of us who helped want to see him hurt even more after all of that. They're just terrible because they can be."

[avataroftheswarm]

Things were taking too long. No one was going to be honest enough.

"Oh I'm sorry, were we all not dealing with our trauma fast enough for you horrible creatures?"

[avataroftheswarm]

"You guys really love torturing him, don't you? Get some sort of sick satisfaction out of making everything worse? I hope you all wander into the path of a sandworm so we can eat you. Assholes."

They're not happy with you all, anons.

[avataroftheswarm]

Yeah it probably would have gone better if Vash had been there. Zazie might have spent less time threatening right back and more time pouting about eating Knives not being Vash-approved.

"Well I haven't seen any of those around. I'd think I'd notice if there were teleporting, two tailed cats running around. Though there is that one... Pretty sure it's a normal cat though." They were also pretty sure it was the same cat that showed up in completely different places and was really weird so maybe it was magic. Just with one tail.

"Well if I'm being honest I've known he was here for a bit, I just hadn't confronted him yet. I've been keeping an eye out for yours after all, just in case he popped up somewhere. This one isn't really any different as far as I can see. He basically acts the same." They grin toothily, more then a little smug.

"I did get a pretty good bite in. Startled him into kicking the Worm instead of stabbing it. That was pretty funny."

Threatening...? It was a struggle not to roll his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose; this was exactly why he wanted to be present for the conversation...

"It's apparently a cat, but with two tails that can do things cats can't normally do. Like teleport people to different universes..." Vash murmured, running a hand over his hair. "Sorry, Zazie... I meant to be there when you guys met for the first time so I could help explain and keep things civil. Guess you two found each other first."

[avataroftheswarm]

I thought you were scared of your Vash now - or was it all versions of Vash after the mess that happened? Why help?

The older looking swarm presses their lips together. Why help indeed? They were scared of the Vashes - all of them, even and especially Punk - but still...

"Because I helped before," they sigh. "I still care, even if I am... unnerved by them. And I understand Nico better now, he doesn't deserve to keep suffering not knowing if a person he cares about is alright or not when I can just find him myself. The caring bits didn't just go away with the bad emotions. They were just harder to feel, I think."

[avataroftheswarm]

You're new to emotions, freshly tall bug. After a lot of bad ones you should look into empathy next

"I'm not sure if I want any more emotions. Terror and horror and grief and guilt were a lot all at once and now I'm just tired. Does it ever get easier at all? I dont feel like it does."

If it helps at all, they're trying to get him to stop suffering as much as all the rest of them. Just... not necessarily well.

[avataroftheswarm]

Zazie is tired. They didn't think they could be, not like this, not like humans can get. All heavy and weighed down and dragging even after the swarm was able to rest. It's not a physical kind of tired or they'd be able to let the Worms of their swarm sleep and be fine afterward.

It's a mental fatigue, an emotional heaviness that makes their feet drag as they walk.

Getting everyone out of July had been easy, the work of a moment's coordination with the Hive. Everyone who'd followed the Worms was swallowed by the sandworms and rushed away away away. It hadn't all gone smoothly, too many people with too much baggage between them and too much stress humming between them all. But they'd gotten out, saved people they cared about.

Vash was still missing. Their Vash, the one who'd been the target and catalyst. None of the other Vashes seemed surprised or as concerned as they would be if he'd died in the explosion so... He must be alright.

They don't go looking. Not yet. They don't know if they can stand the sight of a red coat again so soon.

Everyone else they keep an eye on, flitting between loved ones and friends to make sure no one got into more trouble in the immediate aftermath.

Gato is distant and cold and that hurts. Punk is terrifying and that hurts too. Audrey is out cold and has been for long enough to scare them but Rook says she's okay, just recovering. That's their fault, in a manner of speaking, but there was no choice but to grab her and run, despite the damage. Rook and Rayen are safe for now.

They did nearly nothing but watch, the whole time things were happening. They hid and watched Punk be torn apart, Legato hurt himself while they couldn't help him, they contributed nothing but bearing witness to the horrors. The one person who might understand the helplessness of simply watching is in a coma and everyone else is off licking their wounds.

Zazie flies their swarm away, to hidden places underneath the desert, through the Worm tunnels, to their original hatching grounds. They won't be small and helpless next time. They'll build themself a new form to shift into, a new configuration that won't just be a child's body to be protected. The Hive settles around the planet in a watchful doze as Zazie lets go of their humanoid form, focused on growth and change of their own. Bigger, denser, more capable.

They'll keep the small form, at least for now. They like it, after all. But they clearly need to be more if they won't always have the immediate support of the Hive.

It's time for a metamorphosis.