#baka nii-san

[oshi-nakadapiroki]

▶ Archive: Ayame Souma @ Fruits Basket 2nd season, performances 2023.10.14～15.

[hiraethwa]

one summer day

01 clear skies. where you run into the last person you want to see, ushijima

<< 00 guidepost. | >> 02 fly high.

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader a/n: i’ve made small changes to the prologue that i felt did not line up with the tone of the following chapters… enjoy! - avery word count: 1k warnings: mentions of fear of parents, cursing terms: nii-chan -- older brother, baka -- stupid/foolish

june, first year

“shit” you curse as you run down the school hallways towards the volleyball gym. the violin case slung across your back thudding on your back with each stride, reminding you of your breathlessness.

you had stayed back after practice ended to make sure you had your parts right, and had completely lost track of time. you could only hope your brother is ready to go, otherwise… you shudder at the thought of the consequences of being late. 

pulling back the sleeve of your jacket, you look at the time again. goddamnit, my legs are so slow– shit– you see a shape in front of you out of the corner of your eye and swerve to the other side. shoes skid against the smooth wood floors as you lose your balance. 

to your surprise, your body stops before hitting the floor. your arm was flung out in front of you, bracing for impact against the floor, but it never came. then you felt it, a warm pressure on your other wrist. oh– the person you avoided running into had saved you from falling. 

regaining your balance (and your composure), you straighten and bow, “thank you!” your cheeks turn pink with embarrassment of a stranger seeing your almost fall. 

“you should be more careful” the voice that spoke sounded familiar, deep like the rumbling of the earth. huh? who– you take a peek at the owner of the voice. shorts in the shiratorizawa purple shade, with the standard school issued track jacket of the same shade running down the arms on a white clad torso. your brother’s practice outfit for the boys’ volleyball team. but at the same time, even though you are outside the volleyball gym, it could be any other boys’ sports outfit too, so it couldn’t be, right? 

you raise your head, praying to the gods that never answered you. nope. lady luck is so not on your side today. it is ushijima.

“sorry. i will be more careful next time.” you give him a sheepish smile about your clumsiness, raising a hand to scratch the back of your head. half hoping he would forget about you from the incident a few weeks ago, you slowly inch away from him. (you had not returned to the gym since that day from the embarrassment of your actions that your brother did not let you live down)

he frowns at you. “wait. you are hurt.” 

questions pop in your head. you are not hurt. in fact, he had just saved you from hurting yourself, so you had no idea what he is on about at all. 

you raise your eyebrow at him. earlier panic forgotten and all. he points at his own cheek. “wait here.” oh right. you had snapped a string during orchestra practice earlier. there was a burning sensation where it made contact with your face, but you thought it was just a light graze and forgot about it. 

setting your violin case down next to you, you plop yourself on the steps leading into the gym as you wonder about how serious the wound was to make a complete stranger worry. hm. 

“here.” ushijima returns with the first aid kit from the gym and seats himself next to you while he goes through the contents of the box. he pulls out a disinfectant wipe, some gauze and tape. “it might hurt.”

his hand is gentle against your cheek as you face away from him to give him a good look at the cut. you tense, clenching your teeth as the solution touches your flesh, and it burns. then you feel a cool gel being applied to your wound. the sound of a medical tape being pulled and torn off. he presses the gauze on your face lightly before securing it with the tape.

you touch your face, feeling his handiwork, and where the gauze is sitting on your face. “thanks ushijima-san.” while your older brother had taken care of you since you can remember, patching your wounds from your clumsiness and wiping your tears away when you feel lost, no one else out of your family had taken care of you like this before. or rather, you never had someone who was that close to you. even now, the closest friend you have is semi, and you have known him for a little under two months, with the unlikely friendship that grew between you. 

surprise colors ushijima’s face. “you know my name?” although it comes out more as a statement than a question. 

“my brother told me. he’s the setter on your team.” you fidget with the bandage, worried if he would think that you are weird for asking about him. 

“ah, miyamura-san.” he nods his face in recognition as he stows the items back into the box and clicks it shut. “well then, i will see you around.” 

you dust your skirt off as you stand up with him. “thanks again.” you open your mouth about to say something else before your brother jogs over to the two of you. 

“y/n! there you are. i completely lost of track of time–” he stops abruptly, glancing from the wound on your face to the first aid kit that ushijima is holding. eyes narrowing onto ushijima, “did you hurt my sister?” he places his hand on ushijima’s shoulder solemnly albeit menacingly. 

“nii-chan! it’s your fault! i had to wait so long for you. my violin string snapped during practice and he helped me bandage it,” you smack him in the head and start to drag him away. he makes a non-committal noise, relenting to your actions. 

all this while, both of you did not give ushijima a chance to explain himself. he steps to the side, quietly amused by the antics of you and his normally serious senpai. 

“apologize!”

“you’re siding with an outsider instead of your brother now?!” 

“you were clearly in the wrong!” 

“no!”

you turn and bow to ushijima, silently showing gratitude and apology for your dumb brother’s words before whispering to your brother, “baka, mom is going to kill us both” and just like that, your brother flinches. the shiratorizawa setter who is unshakable on court, flinches at the mention of your mother. 

well, that’s one thing you share in common.

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[asknarashikari]

Zenkaiger's reaction to this?

Kaito: *Goshikida Kaito.exe has stopped working*

Stacey: *blushing* B-baka! And you accuse me of looking like a girl?!

Zyuran: ...You didn't steal that yukata from some poor girl did you?

Gaon: Huh, I didn't know Zox-san was... like that...

Magine: I guess it's pretty enough? Not as pretty as my Reika, ofc.

Vroon: *confusion* But isn't Zox-san a male...? Why is he wearing...?

Flint: So that's why Nii-chan came to the yukata shop with me...

[rouge-heichou]

I can't tell what's funnier; Reading Dabi's "SHOTOOOO!!!!" in Endeavors voice, or Shoto's "BAKA NII-SAN!"

[neverendingreading]

Fan Fic

I tried writing a fan fic for the wonderful Heel siblings. I wish this arc continue a bit longer. I really want to see a clingy and spoiled Setsu.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this fan fic. Credits to the author for this wonderful story, Skip Beat 💕

Heel Siblings Fan Fic

At the event where Setsu mentioned Cain was enjoying himself playing B.J., he seemed shocked by it. 

After shooting, Setsu noticed that there was something wrong with her dear brother. Watching her brother fall asleep, Setsu lay in her bed in a daze. She fell asleep for a while and woke up. 

Still in a daze, Kyoko thought to herself that Tsuruga seemed to be fighting something. When he was playing as B.J., it seemed that he was possesed and that scared her for a moment. Most of all, when Setsu mentioned that he enjoyed being B.J. and he didn't seem to notice, he was shocked for sure. 

'Ugh. I must stop pondering over it. 'I should get some breakfast.'

Kyoko went out and bought breakfast for them both. It is still early. It is literally early that it is still in the middle of the night. 

 

To be honest, I really can't be at ease staying in the same room with Tsuruga-san. I wake up before he's awake, and sleep only after he sleeps.

Setsu thought that even her brother acts as if he doesn't care. Always tightly wrapped in his own blanket.

While walking back to their hotel room, Setsu saw Cain in the hallway. 

Her dear brother is still wrapped in his blanket. 

"Nii-san?" Is there something wrong? Is everything okay? " Setsu asked. 

Cain looked at her. 

"Where have you been?" he asked.

"I bought our breakfast outside." Setsu replied. 

"Don't go out alone so late at night. It is not safe. "

"It is very nearby," Setsu said while pointing outside.

"Don't ever go out alone." "He said in a serious tone.

Setsu was taken aback by her dear brother. He was so serious.

"I'm sorry..." Setsu said, feeling sullen. Her dear brother looked mad a while ago.

Cain seems to sense Setsu's sulleness.

"Nah, it's fine. It's all okay now. " Cain took a step towards Setsu. Fanning out his blanket

"Come here," Cain said, while he opened his arms, fanning out the blanket around him. 

Kyoko was shocked to the core. 

'Aaahhhh! What did he mean to come here? Where? Where? Where? AAAAAHHH! Don't tell me.... Aaaahhh! '

Kyoko's stunned to the point she can't think straight. Kyoko calmed herself. She's Setsu right now. 

Setsu will never refuse her dear brother.

'Tsuruga-san and I are currently in a totally eccentric baka brother and sister relationship to the point of abnormality!' 

Still hesitating on what to do, Cain seems to sense her trouble.

"Setsu..." Tsuruga-san, who was in Cain mode, looked at her. His eyes looked sad and vulnerable.

Seeing him like that Kyoko steeled her resolve.

'I'm Setsu! My brother is my priority above anything else! '

Setsu gripped the bag containing their breakfast. She took a step forward, slowly moving towards her brother. 

As Setsu nears to Cain's arms, Cain spreads his arms more, then envelops Setsu in his arms. 

'Kyaaaa! This is too overwhelming! Kyoko, Setsu face, Setsu face! ' 

Being enveloped in her dear brother's embrace made Setsu happy. Her brother is hers alone. 

While happy in Setsu mode, Kyoko is still flustered and worried. Somehow, Tsuruga-san is trembling. 

"Nii-san, let's go back. You still have shooting later. " Setsu looked at her dear brother. 

Cain smiled at his darling sister. I like to reassure her.

"Okay. Let's go back." 

As they went back to their room, still in their brother's embrace, Kyoko thinks that something must have possessed Tsuruga-san.

'Uwaaa! Walking like this is so embarrassing?'

When they got to their room, Kyoko couldn't take it anymore.

"Nii-san, you should sleep now." Kyoko looked at Tsuruga-san, then said in a Setsu manner. 

"Hmm... Setsu, accompany me to sleep?" 

Kyoko froze. Accompany him to sleep? Is this another test for being an actress?!

Kyoko calmed herself. She's Setsu. Setsu will gladly oblige her dear brother's request. Knowing the bro's sister, she'll be overjoyed.

'I'm Setsu. And Setsu's number one is her brother Cain. I can do it! '

Setsu broke away from her dear brother's embrace. They walked inside and dropped their breakfast on the table. Then she turned to her brother and smiled. 

"Nii-san really can't do without me." Setsu said jokingly.

 

"En. "BrotherBrother really can't do without Setsu." Cain replied.

Kyoko received another crit hit.

'Uwaaa! What has gotten to him? Why is 'Cain' so clingy today?! '

Setsu sighed and shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the bed.

"Sleep now, Nii-san. Your lovely sister will accompany you to sleep." Setsu said as she sat at the edge of the bed. 

Accepting her invitation, Cain went to sleep, dragging and hugging his dear sister to bed. 

'Kyaaaa! He really went to sleep hugging "Setsu"! This is so awkward. ' 

While Kyoko ponders her thoughts. Cain keeps his tight hug on Setsu. 

'How can I sleep like this?Setsu would be really happy to sleep with her dear brother. Actually, according to her character, it would be possible that she always sleeps in the same bed beside her brother. This is really hard! ' 

Kyoko wailed internally. How can she sleep like this? 

She must admit some part of her (other than the Setsu part) is quite happy? 

'I got hugged by the Tsuruga Ren! Even sleeping in the same bed! ' 

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Ayato Dark [Prologue]

Monologue

ーー Past the underground waterway,

there’s a portal connecting to the Demon World. 

I stood in front of it,

and after taking a deep breath,

gently pressed my hands against the door.

Then pushed.

A heavy sound echoes in response,

as the gates slowly opened.

Seeping through the crack,

was a never-ending darkness.

And thenーー

ー The scene starts in the forest of the Demon World

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun...I wonder if he’s okay after being so badly injured? )

( ...I’m worried... )

( Either way, I should hurry to the castle so I can confirm whether he’s safe or not! )

( It should stand out amongst the other buildings, so I’m sure I’ll be able to find it if I just get a move on... )

( If I don’t, then... )

...

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!

( T-That was the howling of a wolf just now, right? )

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ( Again! )

( I-I should hide somewhere! )

ー The scene shifts to the abandoned building

Yui: Haah, haah...

( I guess I’m fine for now? )

...Phew...

( I just entered the first building in sight but I wonder if it’s safe here...? )

( ...I wonder what the others are up to right now. )

ー A flashback ensues

Ayato: Rest assured…Chichinashi. You belong to me. No way in hell I’m handin’ you over to some darn wolves!

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun... )

( I want to rush to your side...I’m worried... )

( After all, if something were to happen to Ayato-kun... )

...

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!!

( N-No way! They’ve chased me this far!? )

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: ( They’re getting closer. )

( W-What should I do? I don’t know where to run. )

???: ーー Oi!

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!!

Ayato: Shh...! Don’t make a sound...!

Yui: ...A...Ayato-kun...? 

Ayato: Yeah, it’s me. So don’t go pissin’ your pants.

Haah...Geez. Why did you come here when you were told to stay behind in the human world...?

You really are an idiot! From today onwards, you’ll be known as ‘Baka Chichinashi’ (1) instead!

Yui: ...S-Sorry...

But...I was worried about you...

Ayato: ...You...

Yui: Say, are your injuries okay now? Did they finish the treatment?

Ayato: Fool. Who do you take me for?

As you can see, I’m in tip-top shaー Ugh...

Yui: A-Are you okay!? Don’t push yourself...

Ayato: Hmph. You should worry ‘bout your own body.

...So, about those wolves...

Yui: I can’t hear them anymore but...

Ayato: ‘Kay, seems like they left. God...

Yui: Y-Yeah...Thank god...

...Ah...But how did you know I was here, Ayato-kun? Is this building close to the castle perhaps?

Ayato: Nah. If anything, the exact opposite.

It’s just...For some reason...I just knew.

As if you were calling for me.

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: So, you didn’t have another one of your clumsy moments and hurt yourself, right?

Yui: Yeah, I’m fine.

Ayato: Hm...Well, that’s good then.

Yui: Um...Thank you for worrying about me when you’re not having an easy time right now either.

Ayato: W-Worry? I’m not concerned or anythin’! Don’t get the wrong idea! Che...!

Anyway! We can’t stay here forever. Let’s get back to the castle already!

Yui: Yeah...

( How strange...When Ayato-kun’s with me, I suddenly feel this safe... )

Ayato: ...Oi, why are you grinnin’ for by yourself?

Yui: Eh? I-I’m not smiling!

Ayato: Nah, you were definitely smiling! From ear to ear! I saw it with my very own eyes!

Haahn...Don’t tell me you were having dirty thoughts at a time like this?

Yui: Eh!? O-Of course not!? Iーー

???: ーー Playtime is over.

Ayato: ...!? And you are...?

Yui: ( W-Why is he here!? )

A-Ayato-kun, this is Shin-kun’s older brother.

Ayato: ...I see. I get it now.

I thought somethin’ was fishy ‘bout those two, but I guess you guys are also...from this world, huh?

Carla: ...

Ayato: ...! Oi, answer me!! You bastards are Vampires as well, aren’t you!?

???: ーー Vampires? Think again.

I’d rather not get grouped together with you guys ー capiche!?

*THUD*

Ayato: ...!?

ー Ayato collapses

*Thud*

Yui: Ayato-kuーー

???: Woah there. You’ll be coming with us too, Komori Yui-san.

*Thud*

Yui: ( Ah...! Uu... )

ー She collapses as well

Shin: Ahー ...Geez. It’s so hard to hold back and not actually kill them...

So, Nii-san? What should we do next? Do we kill the guy?

Carla: ...Shin. Leave him alone. Take both of them to the manor.

Shin: Roger. Haah, that being said, these two sure are a handful...

*TIMESKIP*

???: ...Oi...

Yui: ( Nn...This voice...? )

Ayato: Are you ‘kay, Chichinashi!? Get a grip...!

ー Yui opens her eyes

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: ...

...Geez. Even though you were still breathin’, you didn’t move at all like you were dead or somethin’...You’re not hurt anywhere, right?

Yui: Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you...But...Where are we...?

Ayato: Beats me. However, it seems like we were taken back to the human world.

Those Tsukinami guys, the one with the scarf and  the other with the eyepatch...It’s probably their manor, no?

Yui: ...I guess so...?

Ayato: Haah. Even if I’m not in the best shape right now ‘cause of the Lunar Eclipse, I still messed up big time...Fuck...

Yui: ...I wonder why they brought us here...?

Ayato: Don’t ask me. ...But well, I doubt they’re gonna give us a warm welcome.

Yui: ...R-Right...

...

Ayato: ...Ugh.

...Oi, how to put this...Don’t make that face.

This isn’t a worst-case scenario or anythin’.

After all, I’m still here by your side! So why should you worry?

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Yeah...!

( He’s right. Ayato-kun’s here with me, so it’ll be okay... )

*Knock knock*

ー Shin enters the room

Shin: Ahー Sorry to interrupt, but do you have a minute?

Ayato: You...!

Shin: Stop, stop! No need to bare your fangs at me right away, don’t you think? I did knock for one, didn’t I?

Ayato: Like that matters one bit! You just dragged us over here for god knows why!? 

Now move out of the way. We’re headin’ home.

Shin: I’m afraid you can’t. You two will be heading towards a banquet now after all.

Yui: A-A banquet...?

Shin: Exactly, a party! Sounds lovely, no?

Unlike you crude Vampires, us Founders have class.

Ayato: Founders...!?

Yui: ( Founders...Now that he mentions it... )

ー A flashback ensues

Reiji: In the Demon World, one more species going by the name of the ‘First Bloods’ exists.

They are said to be the ancestors of every species living in the Demon World.

Ayato: The fuck? That’s a first for me. Besides, I’ve never run into one of those over at the Demon World either.

Reiji: Of course not. They suffered defeat in a war against our Father and Demon Lord Burai, before being banished to a castle.

They are forbidden from leaving.

Laito: Then wouldn’t it be impossible for them to show up here in the first place?

Reiji: You are indeed right. But well, they possess the abilities of the wolf, eagle, snake and bat all at once.

Therefore, it would be possible for them to transform into wolves as well. I simply wanted to bring it up as one possible explanation.

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( Could those Wolves have been...? )

Ayato: I’m no expert on Founders, but you guys should be locked up somewhere, no?

Shin: Well, I guess you could say that.

However...Our time of having to endure the suffering has come to an end.

ーー No, we will end it with our own hands.

Yui: ...?

Ayato: Argh! You’re not makin’ any sense!

Anyway! Just get out of the wa...Ugh...

Yui: Ayato-kun!

Shin: Ahーah, are you trying to act tough in front of your girl (2) even though you’re not quite fully recovered yet?

Let me tell you straight-up. You have no chance at getting away from us while severely wounded like that.

If you understand that, you should just listen to us and come to the banquet.

If not...I’m sure even an idiot such as yourself knows what will happen to your little girlfriend over there?

Ayato: ...

Shin: Ah, right. By the way...She’s actually kind of my type, you know?

So you know, I personally wouldn’t be against having some fun with her, if you get what I mean.

You could say I’d love to turn that cute face of hers into a teary mess.

Yui: ...Uu...

Shin: If you don’t mind that, then be my guest and go wild?

Ayato: ...Tsk...

...Fuck...!

Yui: ...

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Shin: ーー Come on in.

Yui: ( It smells good in here... )

( I thought that maybe we’d be moved somewhere else when he brought up the banquet. )

( But are we truly...simply invited? ...But we shouldn’t trust them just yet, right? )

Shin: Take a seat wherever you like.

Ayato: I will do just that! My place isーー

Shin: ーー Wait! That’s where the owner of the manor sits. Good grief. Just how stupid are you?

Ayato: Shut up...!

Yui: A-Ayato-kun. Let’s just sit here together, okay?

Ayato: Che...

Shin: Haha, you really are a disgrace to all Vampires, having a human order you around like that.

Ayato: Aah!? That’s notーー

???: ーー What is this ruckus?

Shin: Hey, Nii-san. Perfect timing. I was having some trouble because our guests tonight don’t seem to have any basic manners.

Carla: ...

Ayato: Che...Starin’ at me like that.

Carla: ...

Ayato: What’s your problem!? Got somethin’ to say to me!? Then speak up!

Shin: Hehe...Too bad. Nii-san would never fall for such an obvious taunt. Anyway, just take a seat for now.

Ayato: ...Che...Fine!

...So? What’s the point behind this farce?

We’re not actually here to enjoy a meal together, right? Get to the point already.

Carla: ...

How pretentious...I truly do pity you for being born a Vampire...

Yui: ( I-I wonder why? I feel as if Carla-san has a perfect grasp on the situation... )

Ayato: Hmph! Don’t talk as if you know me!

Carla: ーー But I do.

You lot are fixated on that woman over here, all because of the heart which has been put inside her body. Am I right?

Yui: Eh...?

( H-How does he know about my heart...? )

Carla: Furthermore...Ayato, you were the first one to attack that heart’s previous owner, were you not? (3)

Ayato: ...

Shin: You guys don’t know anything about us, but we know everything.

That means we’re at an advantage in this situation.

In other words, you guys are on the losing side. I’m sure even an idiot understands that?

Ayato: ...Tsk.

Yui: ( W-What to do? I wonder what they’re after...? )

Shin: Besides...Hehe...

Ayato: ...What?

Shin: Oh noー... I was just thinking you’re quite the pitiful little guy? I almost feel bad for you.

Ayato: What do you mean?

Shin: Oh? I’m sure you know that better than anyone else. If you’ve forgotten, shall I remind you?

Carla: It seems like the lack of love and care you received from your Father Karlheinz...

Combined with Cordelia’s cruel treatment has twisted you quite a bit.

Ayato: Wha...!? Try sayin’ that one more time, you bastard!!

Yui: A-Ayato-kun, calm down...!

Ayato: ...

Carla: Hmph...It appears to me that said woman over there is keeping you in check for now.

However...

People do not change that easily.

Ayato: ...

Shut up...Not another word!!

*SHATTER*

Yui: A-Ayato-kun!

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! I don’t want to stay here one second longer! Let’s go!

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah...!

ー Ayato drags Yui along.

Shin: Ahーahー ... We worked so hard to prepare this banquet and he made a complete mess of it...

Well, in the end, Vampires are nothing but lowlives who can’t go one minute without throwing an angry tantrum.

That being said...They were only here for a little while, but this room already stinks of Vampire...

Honestly, it makes me gag...

Carla: ...Exactly...

ーー Get rid of it. Throw out everything they touched.

Shin: Fufu, gotcha, Nii-san.

ー The scene shifts to the bedroom

Ayato: Fuck...Why is this whole place so damn sturdy!?

My punches don’t have any effect.

Yui: ( We started looking around in search of an exit, but the whole manor is highly secure. )

( So in the end, we had no other choice but to return here... )

Ayato: The fuck’s their problem...? How do they know all those things...?

Yui: ( I wonder what the Founders’ goal is...? )

( Besides, why do they know Ayato-kun that well...? )

Ayato: ...Fuck...

Yui: ( I wonder if there’s anything I can do for him right now...? )

...Hey, Ayato-kun...?

ー She embraces him

*Rustle*

Yui: ( I hugged him in the spur of the moment, I wonder if he’ll get upset...? )

Ayato: Yui...

...

Yui: ( Ah...He wrapped his arms around my back... )

Ayato: ...Haah...

Yui: Don’t worry, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: ...What? Are you trying to comfort me? Shouldn’t it be the other way ‘round?

But...Well...Guess it’s fine. Since it’s you...

Hey...Nn...

ー Ayato bites her

Yui: ...Ah...

Ayato: Come on, let me have a little taste.

Yui: ...Go ahead, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: Nn...Hah...Nn...

Yui: ( If I can be somewhat helpful to him by being by his side, or by giving him my blood, then I don’t mind that at all. )

( I want to be there for him. ...I’m sure that feeling will never change, no matter what lies ahead. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Since he’s talking about changing her nickname and I never translate ‘Chichinashi’ to English either, I decided to keep it consistent and put the idiot (baka) part in Japanese as well.

(2) 彼女 or ‘kanojo’ can mean both ‘girlfriend’ or ‘she/her’ in Japanese. However, I’m pretty sure Shin usually refers to Yui as あの女 or ‘ano onna’ or something else along those lines, instead of ‘kanojo’. Therefore, I decided to translate it as ‘girlfriend’ in this particular sentence. 

(3) I actually had a lot of trouble translating this sentence. The phrase 手をかける or ‘te wo kakeru’ can mean both ‘to lay hands on’ in more of a negative sense, as well as ‘to care for’ or ‘to rear’. However, it doesn’t really make sense for him to say Ayato cared for or looked after Cordelia, so I interpreted it as Carla referring to the fact Ayato was the one who started when the triplets murdered her together. 

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[kurooisdbest]

nickname: dina

men: kageyama, suna, kuroo

fav number: 9

Heyy Dina!!! Sorry for taking me so long to post this nfksnf but I hope you like it hehe

here are your results!

Kageyama (Soulmates)

Suna (Enemies)

Kuroo (Married)

KAGEYAMA

If there was something you learned after middle school, being Tooru’s little sister was hell. It’s not because he was a bad big brother but more like you hated being compared to him. You hated being feared by guys just because they were scared of your overprotective brother, who apparently threatened almost every male species to come near you.

And with that, you learned that never again will you want to be in the same school as him. After presenting all your strong arguments as to why you wanted to enroll in another school through a powerpoint presentation, your parents agreed to let you study at Karasuno High. Tooru was against it of course, it being “Tobio-chan’s school” but after ignoring him for a whole week, he finally gave in.

“Text me if anyone hurts you okay? I’ll hit them till they break.” you see the fire ignite in his eyes as he patted your head. “Bye Tooru-nii. I’ll see you at home.” You nodded and turned away.

You weren’t familiar with the campus but thankfully, you found your room just in time for homeroom. Beside you sat an oddly familiar face. Then it struck you. “Oi Kageyema! What’s up?” you greeted your middle school acquaintance. “Oikawa-san?” he questioned. You placed yourself at the desk beside him and began conversing, well mostly reminiscing the past.

and once he learned that you had no interest in joining the girl’s volleyball team, he convinced you to join the boy’s vbc as a manager.

In a world where the bruises your soulmate receives also appear on your body, not once were you expecting Kageyama to be your pair.

It started when you got home and Tooru noticed the bluish-purple pigments that appeared on your knees. “Oi baka, what’s that?” he pointed. “I joined the karasuno volleyball club as a manager. Maybe I got it when I was cleaning? or walking, idk” you shrugged as you walked past him going to your room. You could hear him whine at the other side of your door, spouting reasons why you should quit and telling you how “hurt” he was that you were helping his “rival” but once again, you really didn’t care.

You were Tooru’s opposite, actually. He has this cheeky happy go-lucky personality and all you had was this tough-nut hard to crack bad bitch vibe.

Then one training, Hinata pointed out how Kageyema had the same bruises and maybe he was your soulmate after all. You didn’t believe it at first but when you saw the identical blemishes, your doubt faded away. You and Kageyama started hanging out with no care in the world, started dating behind Tooru’s back and made him swore to never utter a word to your brother. Ever. But you never expected Tooru to throw a fit during one of the practice matches, making you admit your relationship with the setter. Thus, he grounded you lmao. Even he convinced your parents that Kageyama was bad news.

Now, here you were lying down, having a hard time sleeping, your eyes as wide as an owl at night. You were about to try sleeping again when you heard small thuds on your window.

You stood up and peeked, seeing Kageyama on the ground, throwing small pebbles.

“What are you doing here?” you whisper yelled.

“Come on, let’s go on an adventure?” he replied awkwardly.

You rolled your eyes, grabbing a sweater and opened your window. You got out gently, not wanting to let anyone know you were sneaking out but of course, the as the clumsy person you were, you slipped on the roof and was about to fall on the ground.

It was a good thing Kageyama had fast reflexes, catching you with his arms. “Thanks” you muttered. “WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” you see your brother yell at his room, fuming to see you with Kageyama.

“Run!” you said, grabbing Kageyama’s hand and heading to his car.

The both of you quickly got in and drove away. “I’m gonna have my ass whooped, when I get home” you buried your face on your hands letting out a grunt. Your nervousness calmed when you felt a hand squeeze your thigh. “There’s no way I’m returning you tonight. I love you”

SUNA

When it’s THAT time of the month, your love for sweets would truly be the death of you.

There was something about the candies and any sugary snacks that calmed the raging hormones you had going right now and it made you feel a little fuzzy lol.

Once you felt your craving kick in, you wasted no time and stalked to the nearest convenience store to get some jelly fruit sticks.

Your eyes flicked through the isles, scanning for the familiar packaging with animated fruits on the cover. You beamed at the sight of it, trudging to it’s direction.

However, your short stature made it impossible to reach. Thankfully a boy about your age came by and got the sticks. “Thank you!” you said turning to him and putting your hands in front of you, ready to receive the packet.

“Thank you for what?” He side-eyed you and scoffed. “For reach-“ you cut yourself off, seeing the man turning his back on you and leaving your jelly sticks.

“BITCH THAT WAS MINE!” you yelled as you huffed at him.

He didn’t even give you a second glance and instead, flipped you off. “ASSHOLE!”

KUROO

Every year, you and Kuroo would be together in time for the first snowfall but right now, he was away for a business trip, leaving you alone for the holidays.

You didn’t like it but of course, you had no control and so did Kuroo. You were on the phone with Kuroo as you notice the falling of white outside the window.

You grabbed one of Kuroo’s hoodies and head to the balcony of your room. You propped your elbows up, as the winter breeze kiss your skin.

“Wish you were here, Tetsu.” you feel your eyes gloss over, letting out a sigh.

“I’m here, princess.” your heart stopped when you heard a familiar voice whisper to your ear.

You turned around to see your husband standing behind you as he snaked his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to his chest. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world, I love you.”

note: sorry I know Suna’s and Kuroo’s were a bit short fbjsnf

[kotachii]

Onii-Chan!! - The Lost Kid

Part 1 | Next

Masterlist

Pairing: Portgas D. Ace x Reader (ft. Baby Brother! Luffy)

Summary:  Ace's new next-door neighbour is odd. She may be the same age as him but she has an annoying little kid brother who gets attached easily

          Ace often leaves his apartment door unlocked, he doesn’t do it on purpose but he is forgetful. Dadan, the landlord always said that he is too careless and he is risking being broken in but Ace doesn’t care. At least he didn’t because no one has dared to enter his home but today, he was starting to regret his forgetfulness. A little boy, no older than 6 has wandered into his apartment.

         “Ittekimasu!” the boy shouted as he closed the front door and locked it.

         Ace who was lying lazily on the sofa sat up to look at him.

       “Don’t you mean ‘tadaima’?”, Ace asks the curious boy who is entering his house

      “I got it wrong again,” the boy said sheepishly while removing his shoes. He carefully placed them on the shoe rack and walks into the house. That was when he finally lifted up his head and saw Ace who was now standing in front of him.

     “Ehhhh you’re not (Name) nee-chan!”, the boy shouted in horror.

     “You realized just now?” Ace remarked, “What are you doing here brat?” Ace squatted down to be eye level with the kid.

     “Stranger danger!”, the little boy shouted before slapping Ace and running to the door. He attempted to open it but the door was locked so he could not open it, “Who are you? What did you do to (Name) nee-chan? Are you trying to kidnap me? Let me out!,” the boy shouted at Ace while banging on the door. He started to cry and his words slurred and became incomprehensible.

     “Oi! Why did you slap me brat?”, Ace said furiously to the boy who’s eyes turned into waterfalls. Ace looked at the kid and decided to humour him, “I won’t let you leave my house, I’m gonna eat you!” he said while walking towards him.

     The boy continued to back into the corner, “Go Away! Help! I don’t taste good” , he cried desperately until Ace finally approached him.

      Ace gave him a light chop to the head before bending down, “Don’t slap me again, brat. Who are you?”

      A small bump formed on the boy’s head and he rubbed it with both hands . It turned out that Ace’s “light chop” was still pretty painful for the normal people. The boy was no longer crying as loudly as before but he still had irregular breaths and was having a hard time articulating his speech . He grimaced,

       “(Name) nee-chan, huff , said to not, huff, talk to, huff, strangers,” he said while panting every few words and he finished by sticking his tongue out at Ace.

          “I’m Ace. Portgas D. Ace. Now that you know my name, we’re not strangers anymore,” Ace said to him.

         The boy looked at him confused, then he paused and thought for a moment, before finally smiling, “Shishishi, you’re right. Then I’m Luffy.”

        ‘So quick!’ Ace thought to himself when the kid went from acting hostile to being friendly in a split second.

         “Ass nii-chan,” Luffy said while hugging his stomach, “I’m hungry!” With that, Luffy collapses into a sitting position, leaning on be wall and a loud stomach grumble ripped through the air.

——-

    “Ass nii-chan, this taste delicious!”, Luffy exclaimed while trying to rip off a piece of ham with his teeth.

     “Baka, it’s Ace, not Ass,” Ace corrected Luffy for maybe the fiftieth time. In the last half an hour, he has started to grasp a general understanding of the situation. Luffy was left here by his “Gramps” who apparently couldn’t be bothered to bring Luffy to his apartment door and instead, told the 5 year old kid to find his “(Name) nee-chan’s“ apartment himself and he got lost and ended up in Ace’s apartment. Ace sighed, it’s a pretty big apartment and he doesn’t know anyone named (Name) here. He’ll have to pay the landlord a visit which will be a pain in the ass.

     “Ass nii-chan,” Luffy started again but was interrupted by Ace.

      “Do you want me to hit you again ?” Ace asked while raising his hands threateningly.

      “Wahhh, don’t chop me again As—-I mean Aith—Ahssuu—-Ahth—Aissuu,” Luffy said, struggling to pronounce Ace’s name.

      “Never mind, just call me Onii-san,” Ace told the boy.

      “Okie-dokie Onii-chan! More food!”, Luffy commanded to Ace.

Translation:

Ittekimasu - I’m leaving

Tadaima - I’m home

Onee-chan/Nee-chan - Big sis

Onii-chan/Nii-chan - Big bro

Baka - Idiot

[ohhipstaplease]

Strawberry Sugar | NH

Chapter 4

CH. 1 | CH. 2 | CH. 3| Read all chapters: Ao3 / FFN

Naruto walked into his apartment, shut the door behind him, and didn’t say a word when he saw Konohamaru on his couch watching some television show. He threw the boxed cake onto his counter and went straight to bed, willing himself to replay the moment over and over in his head.

“Baka,” he said as he imagined Hinata’s perfect pink tongue against his fingertip. He grimaced, physically feeling as if he had been sucker-punched.

“Nii-chan?” Konohamaru said as he approached Naruto’s bedside. “I know you said I’m not allowed to come over when you’re not home, but you know how it is with my parents. I just wanted—”

Konohamru was going to continue, that is until he realized that Naruto looked pained—extremely pained.

“Nii-chan...are you okay? I thought you were going to be out late with Hinata.”

At the mention of her name, Naruto sucked in a breath and turned on his side, away from his protegee.

Putting two and two together Konohamaru’s worried expression quickly turned into one of mischievous glee, “Something happened, didn’t it?”

Naruto grunted in response, which only served to encourage Konohamaru’s imagination.

“I knew it! I knew it!” He said excitedly, grabbing onto Naruto’s side. He attempted to turn him back over to face him, but Naruto refused.

“You have to tell me, come on, you have to tell me what happened!”

“I...She...” Naruto sounded as if the wind had been knocked out of him, he truly could not articulate what had happened. He didn’t know how to explain it. It was so very innocent, but at the same time so incredibly intimate. His imagination began running away with him the moment her eyes met his, in that split second of panic when he realized what he had done and she had given into a capricious whim. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to think of anything but her tonight.

“Nii-chan, that isn’t an answer” Konohamaru pouted.

Naruto turned to face him and patted the space next to him. Konohamaru obliged him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Look, you’re just too young right now for me to explain...”

Konohamaru rolled his eyes, “I know about that. I’m thirteen, not three.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes, “That’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then what, were you going to say, love?” Konohamaru said, clasping his hands together raising them to the side of his face in an exaggerated motion.

“Okay, get out.”

“No, come on! I want to know what happened!”

“Nothing.”

“You’re going to tell me you’re acting this way because absolutely nothing happened?”

“Look, squirt,” Naruto said sitting up and crossing his legs upon the bed. He faced Konohamaru and clasped his shoulder firmly, “Before this morning, I didn’t realize that Hinata had...um...that she...”

“Loves you.”

“Woah! Come on now. We don’t know that.”

A deadpan look was etched upon Konahamru’s face, “Right.”

“We can’t assume that. I was going to say that...she had...feelings? For me?”

“Acceptance is the first step, nii-chan.”

“I’m trying to be serious here, kid. Cut me some slack.”

“Alright, alright.” Naruto took a breath and ran a hand through his extremely short blonde hair, trying to compose his thoughts before opening his mouth once more.

“Look, before today I never really opened my eyes to this kind of thing. I used to be so focused on training that...”

“Girls didn’t even exist.”

“Yeah!”

“Except for Sakura onee-san”

“Hey now! I had a little crush on her, that was it. We’re more like brother and sister at this point.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Konohamaru said, waving him off.

“Anyways,” Naruto continued, “I don’t know. I just...something kind of just clicked today. But I feel like such a shitty guy because the reason it clicked was because-” He stopped abruptly, realizing who he was talking to.

“Oh come on, you can’t stop now! Why did it click!?”

“When you’re older-”

“Don’t give me that! When I’m older you’ll still be five years older than me and can use that excuse. I’m not buying it, tell me!”

Naruto sighed, but continued, “Okay, okay. I um...Well...Hinata brought me a piece of cake from Hanabi’s birthday. And, well, it had strawberries on it. I know she really likes them so I picked one off of the slice and offered it to her with my hand.”

“Alright.”

“Well, she took it.”

“And then you guys made out?”

“No!!! That’s it, that’s the story!”

“You’re telling me what did it for you was her eating out of your hand? You’re shitting me right?”

“Hey! Language!”

Konohamaru shook his head, “Don’t change the subject!”

“I’m not.”

“Well, then, continue!”

“Jeez, you’re something else, kid.”

“I don’t have all night...”

Naruto groaned in frustration, tempted to evict Konohamaru from his bed and his apartment. “Look, I don’t know how to explain to you Konohamaru because it’s just one of those things you have to feel. You think i’m insane for saying this is the exact moment I realized it, but I’m telling you, one day you’re going to go through the exact same thing and you’re not going to think I’m so crazy then.”

Konohamaru huffed as he rested his chin on the top of his knuckle, “So what did it for you? Her licking your fingers or something?”

Naruto turned as red as the crest upon his back and Konohamaru cracked up immediately, “Oh, nii-chan! You can’t be serious! Hinata...she..” One glance at Naruto’s face and he had his answer. “Shit, nii-chan, that’s pretty kinky.”

“Alright, that’s it. Out!” Naruto said, pushing Konohamaru off of his bed. The boy landed with a thud on the wooden floor.

“Hey, I’m not judging what you’re into. I just think it’s funny that she almost gave up her life for you, but it was this that made you realize you both definitely have a thing for each other.”

“Get out,” Naruto said firmly.

“I think it’s nice it’s finally all out in the open.”

Naruto got up and started throwing Konohamaru’s things into his knapsack.

“But really, hey, who would’ve thought that Hinata...you know.”

Naruto turned around sharply, “What?”

“She just...didn’t seem like the type.”

“Type?”

Konohamaru laughed, “Nii-chan, she’s been in love with you forever but never really made a move. I didn’t think that straight out the gate she’d come out and suck your fingers.”

Naruto’s face turned a deep shade of red, “She—she didn’t—she didn’t do that! It was an accident!”

“Now it was an accident, sure, boss.”

“I’m not asking you to leave again.”

Konohamaru sighed and grabbed his backpack off the floor before turning towards the door. He was about to start moving towards it, but instead turned to look at Naruto once more, “Don’t mess this up, nii-chan. She gave you the green light officially. What you do from here is probably your last chance to bag her.”

“You are such a little weasel, you really talk about girls that way?”

“What way!? I didn’t say sleep with her! I meant—” But Konohamaru didn’t get to finish his thought because Naruto opened the door, pushed him through it, and shut it abruptly behind him.

“Goodnight,” Naruto said through the door.

“Don’t mess it up, Nii-chan!”

---

Hinata paced the length of her bedroom countless times, trying to convince herself that what had happened was an accident. But at this point, she just wasn’t sure anymore.

“Hinata!” She heard Hanabi call from the hallway, “Phone call for you!”

She ran, barefooted, out into the corridor and almost slammed straight into her younger sister, “Woah! Where’s the fire? It’s just Sakura. Were you expecting someone else? Hanabi asked a smirk etched upon her face.

Hinata wordlessly grabbed the phone from Hanabi’s grasp with a furrowed brow and ran back into the safety of her room.

“Sakura?”

“Hinata-chan! I meant to call earlier, but I just got home.”

“Oh, that’s alright. I wasn’t expecting a call from you, was I?”

“No, no! I just had something to tell you about Naruto.”

Hinata’s pulse became unsteady once more and she nervously blurted out, “It was an accident! You have to tell him I didn’t mean it!”

“What!? What was an accident?”

“He...he didn’t tell you what happened today?”

“Something happened!?”

“I-I...what were you going to say?”

Hinata could hear Sakura slamming something down on her end and involuntarily flinched as her friend yelled, “Hinata what happened!?”

Hot tears of shame began welling up in the back of her eyes, she didn’t want to tell Sakura, but she knew that at this point it would be better to get some advice from someone who wasn’t directly involved.

She shakily replayed the events from earlier in detail to her friend, and stuttered as she admitted, “I want to think it was an accident, but...it just...it felt...right?”

Sakura giggled, “I can only imagine the idiot’s reaction.”

Hinata smiled, “Yes, it was...it was something.”

“Hinata?”

“Yes?”

“I know that you’re over-analyzing everything, as you always do, but can I say something.”

“Mhmm.”

“You probably gave Naruto the 5 most exciting seconds of his life so far.”

The two kunoichis burst out laughing, Hinata was thankful that Sakura had called and managed to quell her fears in one breath.

“So...so you don’t think I scared him off?”

“There’s no way!” Sakura exclaimed, “If anything, I think you solidified what he ran over to tell Sasuke this afternoon.”

Hinata flushed, “What—what did he tell Sasuke-Kun?”

“I really think you two should talk.”

“Sakura-chan, please?” Hinata pleaded.

“Hinata, trust me on this one, go talk to Naruto. For real this time.”

“O—okay.”

“Alright, have a good night then! We’ll chat tomorrow. I’ll stop by with some tea.”

Hinata sighed, “Alright Sakura. Have a good night.”

She laid back upon her bed, the phone still in hand, as she pondered calling Naruto. But she talked herself out of it, knowing she had had her fill of embarrassment for one day. She would just stop by tomorrow morning before he started training for the day.

Until then, with flushed cheeks and star-filled eyes, a conflicted Hinata would replay the feel of him upon her tongue.

[arabian-batboy]

if there was ever an anime about Batman or the Batfamily, how do you think Bruce and his children would refer to each other in Japanese honorifics?

Well there was that “anime” movie they made, but it was in 3D and aimed at kids. I didn’t watch it, so I don’t know what honorifics they used there (I do know that Alfred said Bruce-sama tho)

Honestly as a both a Batman fan and a fan of anime that would be a dream comes true, but if that happened I would like it if they actually took it seriously, Batman: Ninja was more like a parody than a real anime. If that happened I personally would like for Bones Studio (who did FMA:B, BNHA and Noragami) or maybe even Wit Studio who did Attack on Titan (the way they animated the characters using their gear would be perfect to how for the Batfamily and their grappling-guns) to do the adaptation.

Okay I got distracted, now I don’t speak Japanese, so all the knowledge I have about Japanese honorifics is from watching anime and visiting a few language sites, so if you feel I’m being ignorant or disrespectful please tell me so.

With that being said, I would like to think that when they were first adopted by him, the Batkids all called him Wayne-san at the beginning, but then he insisted that they all can call him Otou-san if they want or just by his first name if they weren’t comfortable enough. The only people who call him by something else are Alfred who calls him Bruce-sama, Jason who calls him Oyaji (old man) and Damian who calls him Otou-sama (which makes Bruce uncomfortable, but he can’t make him stop).

Alfred would use the honorific -Sama when speaking with anyone in the family, except when he’s mad at them, then the cursing starts. Meanwhile everyone just calls him Alfred or Alfred-san.

As the oldest child, Dick probably tried to make all of his younger siblings call him a cutesy name like Onii-chan, that didn’t fly well with Jason who just calls him Aniki instead or Tim and Cassandra who settled on a simple Nii-san. Damian recently went from Grayson to Richard, so there’s progress, but we still have a long way to go with him.

Jason on the other hand just refers to every Batkid younger than him as gaki (brat) and they return the love by just calling him Jason without honorifics. Damian calls him baka-Todd tho.

Tim and Cassandra also call each other (and Damian) by their first name without honorifics, Damian does the same with Cassandra, but when he talks to Tim he only uses kisama or teme (get it? teme? Tim?)

And lastly everyone in the family (except Bruce and Alfred) refer to Damian as Damian-Chan, some of it is out of love, but for the most part they do this because they all know he absolutely hates it.

[ko-chan-the-blueberry-donut]

Back to Where I Started/Reincarnation AU 2

I’m glad so far people seem to like this concept of Aiko/Katarina being sent back to her previous life. Now let the shenanigans ensue.

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

---------------

It was a week after Aiko’s hospital stay, and she could say things were back to normal for the most part. Her family and Acchan liked to hover over her more, and sadly, she could not play Fortune Lover anymore due to getting massive headaches, but things were okay, and that was fine with Aiko. Things were normal. Things were peaceful.

Yet, it felt all wrong.

“Are you sure you don’t need us to walk you to school?” her second older brother, Jiro, asked. Aiko gave a frustrated sigh.

“No, Nii-san! You and Kaito nii-san will be late and get in trouble! I’m fine!”

“I can be late for work, Saru-baka.” Kaito argued, but Aiko wasn’t having it. For some reason, the hovering felt familiar, but she knew it wasn’t from her brothers.

“Just be careful, Saru-chan.” Her father, Akio, told her. “Please text us when you get to school.”

“I promise!” Aiko grinned. “Now bye bye!” with that, she was out the door and heading towards the school.

She was careful at all crossways, paranoid she would repeat what happened before. For some reason, she was deathly afraid of trucks now. She didn’t know why. The truck didn’t hit her, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling of being impacted by a truck. It terrified her. So, she needed to be careful.

However, as she was at the closest crosswalk to school, that’s when she smelled it. The most delicious, mouth-watering scent she’s ever smelled. It was so familiar that she couldn’t resist turning her head.

And was met with eyes as blue as the sky.

“Hello there.” It was a beautiful girl dressed in the same uniform as her with short blonde hair. Aiko felt her heart nearly burst out of her chest from the girl’s pure aura.

‘Holy crap! She looks just like Maria from Fortune Lover! I have been blessed!’

“H-Hello!” Aiko greeted, shocked the blonde was talking to her. Suddenly, her stomach growled and Aiko looked embarrassed. “Erm… I’m sorry. When I saw you, I suddenly became hungry…”

The blonde-haired girl giggled, looking absolutely joyful at her words.

“Well then, have this.” The blonde girl handed her a bag. Aiko took it shyly. “I made them for my new classmates, but I want you to have them.”

“R-Really?! You’re just giving all of these to me?!” Aiko was shocked. She wasn’t used to anyone really talking to her, much less giving her stuff when just meeting her. She gazed at the blonde girl like she was an angel. “Thank you! I will devour them with my black hole stomach in no time!” This made the beautiful girl laugh and smile brightly.

“You never change, do you?” she said. Aiko blinked, confused. The girl smiled in adoration. “I’m glad. The crosswalk’s changed though. You might want to hurry.”

“Ah! You’re right! Do you go to my school? Let’s go together!” for some reason, the more she was around this girl, the more her head was aching, but she would ignore it. This girl was nice and gave her sweets!

“I’m waiting for some people, I’m afraid. You go on ahead.” The girl declined. Aiko gave a sad expression, but nodding in understanding, before smiling.

“Maybe I’ll see you around! Bye!” Aiko waved farewell and hurriedly made her way to the school. The blonde girl watched her go with a fond look. It wasn’t long before a limo stopped by the curbside, with the door opening, showing equally as beautiful occupants as the girl.

“Maria, you were supposed to wait for us to all leave together.” Gerald lectured. The blonde, Maria, gave a smile.

“I’m sorry, Prince Gerald. I couldn’t resist walking.” She said, climbing in the limo. Gerald signaled the driver and they were off towards the school Aiko was running to. “This world is so much different than ours! I wanted to see the sights.”

“Hey, where’s your baked goods? We were going to use those to find Lady Katarina!” Mary chimed in, looking panicked. “Gah! We’ll never find her now!”

“Oh, I think we’re fine.” Maria smiled mysteriously. Perhaps Raphael was rubbing off on her, after all.

“You saw her.” Nicol voiced out, not accusatory, just as a matter of fact.

“Ehhhhhhh? You saw Lady Katarina before us?! Cheater!” Mary pointed at Maria.

“Very sneaky, Maria. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you went out looking for her on purpose.” Gerald smiled, but underneath you could feel his irritation.

“I don’t know what you mean, Prince Gerald.” Maria met his smile with an innocent one. Yes, Raphael was definitely rubbing off on her.

“How was she?” Sophia was quick to ask about Katarina’s well-being.

“She’s Lady Katarina, of course.” Maria smiled happily. “No matter what world or what life, she’s our Lady Katarina.”

“Did she remember you?” Alan was anxious to ask. He was desperate to know, much like the others. Here, Maria look saddened.

“No, unfortunately she didn’t recognize me.” Everyone then appeared saddened by that news.

“No… Lady Katarina…” Sophia murmured in sorrow.

“Sister… we’ll have to start all over with her.” Keith said, equally as melancholy.

“You won’t be able to call her that anymore.” Gerald spoke. “In this world, we’re strangers to her. Be grateful we were given even this.”

The rest of the limo ride was carried in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

----------------------

Sneaky Maria! And we got to see everyone! Hope you guys liked this. Hopefully I don’t get tired again so I can keep up with this.

[amoura-eternia]

Souji and Chizuru get set up on a date. Blind Date AU. Modern AU. Okichi.

"Come on, Souji. At least give it a shot. If you don't like it, we'll never set you up on another date again."

Souji sighed. "Fine." He had known from the start he was likely going to give in, it was a request from Kondou after all, but that hadn't stopped him from protesting. "I'll do it." But he doubted he was going to like it, not that he was going to say anything to Kondou. Souji wondered who or what had given him the idea, and how he knew the girl he had set him up with. Souji had never heard the name 'Chizuru Yukimura' before, so whoever it was, it couldn't be someone Kondou knew all that well. An acquaintence? A friend of a friend? He supposed it didn't really matter in the end. Either way he would have to go on a date with her.

-------------

The date was set up in a cafe. Souji sighed, that would mean he'd have to talk to her. Why couldn't it have been the Cinema? He walked towards the cafe and spotted her before he had even entered. He had been shown a picture of her so she'd be easy to find, he assumed she was also shown a picture of him but he had no proof of that. She was standing outside, arguing with who was likely her brother.

"It'll be fine, really. I may not know the guy but I do know people who do. Ibuki-kun, Harada-san, Nagakura-san and Heisuke-kun all know him really well. He's not dangerous." Ah, that answered the question of how Kondou had gotten the idea, it almost certainly came from one or all of the Baka Trio. He doubted Ibuki would pull something like this after all, at least not without getting dragged along. It sounded like she didn't know Kondou personally, if she had she would have mentioned him, though she likely knew the name and had possibly even talked to him at some point for this whole thing to be set up.

"They're dangerous too! You absolutely can't trust them!" Her brother had exclaimed in response. Had he followed her all the way here trying to convince her not to come? Judging from the sigh that left her, she had likely heard this all before.

"What about Shizu-chan and Osen-chan then? They know him too and they didn't say I shouldn't." Chizuru tried again to calm her brother. That surprised him a little, he did know Shizu and Sen, but they didn't exactly like him. It was surprising to hear they'd approved. He would have expected them to convince her otherwise but it didn't sound like they had. Then again they likely recognised that it was her decision to make in the end and didn't interfere. They probably had, however, told her how much they didn't like him.

"They didn't seem pleased to me. They said themselves they don't like him." Ah, indeed they had. "Besides I don't exactly trust them either."

"Kaoru, you don't trust anyone. They may have expressed dislike for him but if they thought I would be in any danger, they would have said so. You might not trust them but I do." Chizuru's exppression turned stern. Even so she did not seem angry, she had a lot of patience and he supposed that was a good thing. She was going to need a lot of that, if she was going to be dealing with him, he knew that well. He didn't mind this girl, still wasn't interested in dating her of course, but he supposed she might end up being fun to hang out with. "I trust my friends, all of them, and they wouldn't allow me to come to any harm if they could help it."

Chizuru's expression softened once more. "I know you're worried about me but I promise everything will be just fine." She grabbed her brother's hand and smiled. "I'll call you afterwards, alright. And you can stay nearby if it'll make you feel better."

There was silence for a moment as her brother thought. "...Fine." He aquiesed and turned around.

Chziuru's smile widened. "Nii-san, thank you."

"Just be careful."

Chizuru nodded her head. "I will." Kaoru walked away.

Souji waited until he was out of sight to approach her. "Hey, you're Chizuru-chan, right?"

"Huh?" She whirled around in surprise and stared at him for a moment. "Yes, that's me. You must be Okita-san. It's nice to meet you." Chizuru looked away for a moment, in the direction her brother had left, he noticed. "Did you, uh, see all that?"

"Yeah, it was a little hard not to notice, you know."

She sighed and gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, this is a bit of an awkward start, isn't it?"

"At least it's not boring." He shrugged, he was thankful for it honestly.

She blinked and a laugh escaped her lips. "I guess that's true."

"Alright, first things first." His expression turned serious and hers followed suit. "I'm not interested in dating you, so don't get any ideas."

To his surprise she released a breath of relief upon hearing that. "Oh that's good, I'm not particularly interested in dating a stranger either."

"If you weren't interested then why did you agree to this." Of course he did too but he didn't see why she would.

"Ah, well Osen-chan and Shizu-chan have been trying to get me to go on a date for a while now. So it was partially for them." Partially? Which meant there was more to it then that. "But I also agreed because I just couldn't bring myself to turn down the man on the phone."

"...Kondou-san?" Souji guessed, he'd figured Kondou would have at least talked to the girl, and since Chizuru didn't seem familiar with 'the man on the phone' he figured Kondou was the most likely possibility.

She nodded. "Yes, he sounded so hopeful, I just couldn't turn him down." She told him before she turned the question on him. "I could ask the same of you though, why did you agree if you aren't interested?"

"Ah, well I suppose it's only fair if I tell you." He really should have seen this coming. "Kondou-san asked me so I agreed to try at least this once."

"I see. You must be very close then." Souji nodded but said no more, he wasn't about to share too much with this stranger after all. She seemed to pick up that he wasn't going to say anymore as she gestured towards the cafe. "Should we go inside then? And actually do what we came here for."

"Date?"

She shook her head. "No eat. That is what a cafe is for, isn't it? Well that and drinking."

"True." Souji smiled, he was getting along with this girl. If this continued to go as well as it was, he'd have to hang out with her some other time.

----------------

"Souji, How did it go?" Kondou called him shortly after he returned home to ask him about the date.

"It wasn't terrible, I liked her. But I don't want to date her, I'm not interested in dating strangers." Souji replied, Kondou hummed on the other side of the call.

"I see. At least you had fun. Thank you for trying this, Souji." Kondou thanked him, Souji smiled. "Will you see her again, as a friend?"

"Probably. I considered it enough to get her number, at least." He was grateful now, that the date wasn't located somewhere they wouldn't talk to each other. He definitely wouldn't be interested in seeing her again if that had been the case.

"That's great. I only talked to her briefly but she seemed like a great girl. She'd be good to have as a friend or otherwise, Souji."

Souji gave a short laugh. "Just don't hold out too much hope on that 'otherwise', Kondou-san."

-------------------

When they ended up dating, he didn't miss the irony of those words back then. Neither did Kondou. "Well, looks that otherwise ended up happening, didn't it?" Kondou laughed as he teased him.

"Well, I didn't say it wouldn't happen." Souji rebuked, giving a laugh of his own.

"No, but you did imply you didn't think it would."

"At the time I really didn't. But as I spent more time with her, I found myself rethinking that. I found myself really wanting to be with her in a way I didn't think I ever would back then." The joking tone dropped as Souji talked. "Thank you, Kondou-san. If it wasn't for you, I never would have met her." Of course he recognised there were others behind that blind date, he was a little more reluctant to thank them, but he knew he really should.

"It was no problem. I'm glad you're happy Souji, Yukimura-san as well, of course. Make sure to thank the others, alright?"

[giyuu-no-tsuma]

Heeeeeey, since you are manga caught up and you have read the ending, how about, Sumihiko and co time-travel to the Taisho era and meet their ancestors?? How interesting would that be, and Touko would recognize they all existed! (Also Kanata x Touko is cute, screw the sick minded people saying it's incest)

Ahhhh, what a awesome and interesting ask! Well, I don’t really argue with close-minded people about something, so if they still want to be stubborn and still want to think it’s incest, best thing is to leave them be, because we know it’s not incest and Gotouge already explained it, their fault they’re stubborn not anyone else’s. 

Anyways to the ask! Without an illustration since there aren’t GIF’s or pictures:

PS: Time-travel doesn’t seem realistic to me, so excuse me if I took it into my comfort zone, I had a better idea for it!

Sumihiko and his brother were having a sleepover over the Agatsuma’s, Kanata mostly by Touko’s side, holding her hand and both smiling to one another. Sumihiko and Yoshiteru talking about anything really.

Their conversation went on, until Sumihiko brought up the story of their ancestors and how they fought with the demons and the Demon King.

Touko listened to their conversation and rolled her eyes, stating that it was just fiction, that their great-grandpa was just someone with big imagination. Upong which Yoshiteru argued her statement, earning a harsh pull on the ear.

“What if they actually existed and fought against them? Can you prove it’s fiction?”

At Sumihiko’s answer, Touko had much hesitation, she herself didn’t have any proof to her statement. So she just said she didn’t.

“What if we time-travel?”

*Of course Yoshiteru was greeted by his oldest sister’s scolding and ear pulling.

“You dummy! Time-travel doesn’t even exist! Why is it that you’re like this always! Was great-grandpa Zenitsu like this?!”

“Of course time-travel is impossible... But if they existed, then surely some memory or something may be there.” Kanata tried to reason and calm Touko down, so she could stop pulling on poor Yoshiteru’s ear, which was pretty swollen and red.

Touko stopped doing what she’s doing, smiling and giving the reason to Kanata. That boy surely made her relax a little.

“Well, great-grandpa Tanjirou fought with this katana right?” It was when Sumihiko pulled out the katana they kept as memory.

Kanata wasn’t that happy his younger brother took the memorial katana without asking.

“Sumihiko, you shouldn’t have taken it. It’s a memorial.”

“I know, I know, but I’m curious about great-grandpa and his adventures with the demon slaying job! How he and great-great-great Aunt Nezuko had it. We know the story of our three-times great uncles and aunt dying and our three-times great aunt turned into a demon, how they went throught it, so many things I want to know!”

Sumihiko’s enthusiasm was evident, and it all started to get Touko more interested in the topic. Well if they really did existed, then maybe there is something somewhere to know about them.

The four talked about the topic until pretty late, and called it a night, everyone sleeping in futons in the living room. Soon, they all started to dream. It was a shared dream. In the dream, Sumihiko woke by started, he was in a different house, didn’t seem to be Touko and Yoshiteru’s. It all looked pretty ancient, like the Taisho era.

“Eh? Where are we?” The boy looked around, and felt pretty out of place and worked out, he noticed his brother was sleeping next to him and shook him lightly. “Kanata, Kanata! Nii-san wake! We’re not in home!”

Kanata groaned and slowly opened his eyes. “Sumihiko? What are you saying-” He was quick to sit up, his brother was right, that wasn’t  home. He quickly turned to Touko sleeping by his other side and shook her. “Touko? Touko-chan, wake up, something’s up.

Touko was quick to be up and smacked her brother awake. “Wake you you dummy!”

Yoshiteru yelped and scrambled to his feet. “Wha, nani nani?!”

“We’re not home, where is here?!” Touko was becoming pretty agitated, when Kanata held her hand and she calmed almost immediately.

“Don’t worry Touko-chan, if you’re here with me, then nothing can happen to you.” He reassured her softly.

It was night in that strange place. Soon they heard some voices, turning looking in awe.

“Tanjirou! Where are we going?!” A blond with the same appearance as Yoshiteru but save from the blond to orange hair.

Then the called boy stood there, it was Tanjirou, Kanata and Sumihiko’s great-grandfather, very alike with Sumihiko, save from the earrings and the scar.

“Great-grandpa Zenitsu...” Touko whispered

“And great-grandpa Tanjirou...” Sumihiko echoed.

“It was real after all...” Touko was no convinced and Yoshiteru took advantage of it.

“I was right all this time, not Nee-san?”

“Urusai, baka!” Touko kicked him in the side, she had such a temper, once again she found herself being held by the hand by Kanata and she calmed.

“I wonder why my sister is such a hooligan...” Yoshiteru grumbled, but then quickly shut up at the glare said sister shot him.

Soon it came the time where Nezuko pulled out of the box and stood next to her brother. Many similarities with Touko. The other girl at seeing her three times-great aunt, she got a real shock, she was demon. All the stories told by their other family members were right and the diary her great-grandpa wrote also was right, she could tell that this was a time where they still were not close to defeat the threat that was Muzan.

“Woah, that kid Giichi’s ancestor” Sumihiko commented, meaning Giyuu who was with the trio, same hair but longer, same deep blue eyes and face shape. Giichi was an elementary kid he often ran into when he was in a hurry to his school, he was watching the ancestor of that kid.

Suddenly Yoshiteru had parted from the group and it was only by Touko who freaked out.

“Ah, where did that idiot go?! Yoshiteru!!” She barked, searching around, they were in an unknown territory but that kid really had to disappear just like that?

Kanata put an arm around her. “Don’t worry Tou-chan, we’ll find him, that’s for sure,” Though he really was in the same with his girlfriend of wanting to smack that kid good.

Yoshiteru had adventured himself a little in the dense forest, wanting to see a demon or see if one would come. He was curious. And his urges to do so came when out of nowhere one jumped at him. The boy screeched. “GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Oh no that idiot got into trouble!” Touko ran where she heard her brother’s scream, going along with Kanata and Sumihiko. When they got there, they froze seeing it was a demon.

Soon a voice was heard. “Water Breathing, Second Form: Water Wheel!”

The demon’s head was sliced off, and Yoshiteru turned to look at his savior, Tanjirou stood there, going over to see if the boy was okay.

“Are you okay?”

“Yoshiteru!!” Touko ran over and immediately smached her brother upside the head. “Baka! Only you would think on getting lost and into trouble in unknown territory, you idiot!” She smacked him again, having half the mind to just smack his tush for that, but restrained herself.

“I-I’m sorry Onee-san...I was scared!” he immediately started screeching with tears, but this time his sister sighed and hugged him. She turned to look at Tanjirou... her three-times-great uncle...

Tanjirou blinked. “H-hey, you kid... you look like Zenitsu..” He stared at Yoshiteru then to Touko. “You like Nezuko...” And then was Kanata. “And you like Kanao....” what got him into a freeze was Sumihiko who looked like him, saved from the earrings and the scar.

“Tanjirou, what’s wrong?” Giyuu soon joined and so did Zenitsu and Inosuke.

The four kids from many, many, many years later where stared at like they were aliens.

“G-great-grandpa...��� Sumihiko started.

“Great-grandpa?” Tanjirou blinked, was this some sort of dream? Was he asleep and dreaming that he had a great-grandson? Where were his kids and grandkids then? If this kid was his great-grand son? He didn’t understand.

After a big explanation, Tanjirou understood, in the future he was to marry Kanao, have kids and grandkids, these two Sumihiko and Kanata were his last generations, therefore in the time where these kids were from, he and the others were likely dead.

“This is unbelievable but, here you are.” 

“You were awesome, great-grandpa, really awesome!” Sumihiko exclaimed happily. “You fought with everything and the others too. I’m glad I was able to meet you, something that I thought impossible.”

Soon, back to the current time, the four were starting to wake.

“Uh what?” Sumihiko looked around, they were back at the Agatsuma’s home, so all that was just a dream?

Kanata rubbed his eyes and looked around, unsure of what just happened a while back.

Touko yawned and blinked. “A dream?”

Yoshiteru was simply sleeping soundly still.

“That dream felt very real.” Kanata commented. “So it might’ve been a clue to the mystery of our ancestors.

“Still awesome we got to talk to them even if a dream, that’s checked outta the bucket list!” Sumihiko chirped.

Touko smiled. “Great-grandpa Zenitsu, simply like Yoshiteru, a cowardly yet heroic and strong man. Not that Yoshiteru is that, but our great-grandpa was.”

“Now we now they existed, the heroes.”

From now on the ancestors were remembered as existent and so the demons, even honored. The dream was actually a real thing.

[sinemoras09]

solatium excerpt: personality

More ficlets: Obito and Kakashi fight over barbecue. Obito deals with Madara, and then zombies. Kakashi makes fun of Obito’s wardrobe. Rin and Obito share an inside joke. Rin helps Obito after a bad day. Fluff and crack. @innovativestruggles

(Series of unrelated ficlets. Obito is Hokage. Rin is resurrected and living with him. Madara is married to fem Hashi and has a boatload of kids. Ficlet #7 references the marriage certificate drabble.)

----

1.

She was Obito’s guardian spirit, but sometimes Kakashi would pray in front of her headstone, and Rin would feel her consciousness being ripped away from him. All at once she'd be in the middle of a bright, grassy field, the sun shining on the graveyard while Kakashi laid flowers and an ero book as an offering. "It's a new volume, Rin," Kakashi would say, because she was the one who read ero books first, and he'd set the book down in front of her grave.

Rin would look around and see blue skies and white clouds, birds singing overhead. And then she'd feel Obito calling to her again, and all at once she'd be transported, find herself in dark spaces, cold air and claustrophobic cliffs, Obito having killed another person, blood dripping down his arm as he looked up at the slate gray sky, the rain sluicing down his mask like tears. She followed him all those years because he always spoke to her - when he felt lonely, when he felt uncertain and overwhelmed - and even if she’d start to fade or drift away, she'd feel her consciousness being called toward him again.

They were transported to the gravity dimension. Rin watched, horror-struck, as Obito and Kakashi both fell to their knees, unable to stand up.

A chakra rod shot through the air, moving as if being dragged through thick molasses. She saw Kakashi and Obito running. At least let me be a shield for them! If I could just make it in time--

Rin could hear their prayers.

Her consciousness spread far, able to reach both Kakashi and Obito from across the gravity field. Her hands clasped both of theirs, and she made contact - her spirit, which was weightless and formless, suddenly had heft in this dimension, and as soon as she grabbed their hands she ran, yanking them toward the center, helping them.

I'm going to see my friends again, Rin thought. The chakra rods were hurtling towards them. I'm going to see my friends again and I could talk to both of them!

But the rod heading toward Kakashi started to swirl, and Rin could hear Obito's thoughts, just like she always did.

 Rin. This time, when I get there...let's spend some time alone together, just you and me....

The rod smashed into Obito's stomach.

 Kakashi would only be in the way. I'm leaving him here.

*****

The three of them are sitting over barbecue, Kakashi in charge of the meat because Obito kept taking it out too early. "That's not ready to eat, you need to let it cook more," Kakashi says, and Rin giggles as Obito grumbles that Kakashi is being a pain in the ass.

The meat sizzles. Rin picks up her glass, taking a drink of water when Kakashi asks, "Rin. Was that really you back there, in the gravity dimension?"

Obito looks up. Kakashi doesn't look at either of them, concentrating on flipping over the pieces of meat with his chopsticks. "Kaguya had launched chakra rods toward Naruto and Sasuke, and Obito and I were trying to get there in time to block them--"

"I was there, I know," Rin says. Kakashi sits back, surprised.

"Really?" Kakashi says.

"You two weren't going to make it on time, and all of a sudden my spirit had weight. I grabbed you both and pulled you there."

"Amazing." Kakashi looks at Rin, awestruck. "So you really were following him?"

"Mostly. Sometimes I'd hear you talking to me, though, and then I'd find myself back in Konoha again." Rin picks up her chopstick, then turns a piece of meat in front of her. She frowns, thoughtfully. "It was always such a change," Rin says. "Konoha was so bright, every time I'd find myself there, I'd think maybe I was in paradise. But then Obito would call to me, and it'd be like we were underground again, everything was so dark and cold and lonely. I wished I could actually be there with him."

Obito gives her a small smile. Rin rubs his arm, scooting next to him.

"Anyway, yeah," Rin says. She plucks out a piece of meat. "That was me."

"Amazing," Kakashi says again. Obito's eyes widen.

"Oi! The meat's burning!" Obito starts pulling the meat up with his chopsticks. "Bakakashi, this is why you shouldn't be in charge of grilling--"

"Wha- if you were in charge everything we'd eat would be raw!"

"Why does anyone have to be in charge anyway?" Rin says, because she was actually paying attention to the grill, her meat is cooked perfectly.

*****

2.

If people didn't know any better - if they hadn't known Kakashi and Obito when they were kids, like Rin did - they would assume that Kakashi is the laid back one, while Obito is the serious one.

Rin watches, growing more and more amused as they slowly revert back to their old personalities, arguing over something as stupid as barbecue.

"No, Obito, it's not done yet, put it back," Kakashi says. He flips over the menu, showing them. "The rules here say you need to let it cook for at least three minutes--"

"You cook it until it's not red, I don't like eating meat that's turned into jerky," Obito says. Kakashi huffs.

"We listen to you, and we're all going to get food poisoning," Kakashi says. "It even says right here that--"

"That's just a guideline," Obito says.

"What?" Kakashi says.

"It's an approximation. The heat varies. The conductive capabilities of the grill can change. Also, the meat's not red." Obito plucks the piece out with his chopsticks.

Kakashi's eyes widen. "Baka! There's still blood on it!"

"It's medium rare."

"You order steak medium rare, you idiot, you're gonna make yourself sick!"

Rin starts giggling. The two men turn.

"Obito, you see that?" Kakashi says. "Rin is laughing because you're being stupid."

Obito grumbles, "You're the one who's stupid."

"You're both stupid," Rin says. She picks up her chopsticks. "I'm putting meat on the grill."

*****

3.

Even with chaperones, Madara still causes problems.

"We're so sorry, Obito-san! But Madara-ojiichan acted so fast, we couldn't stop him, dattebayo!" Naruto says. Gai hangs his head.

"I am ashamed to say it, but even my Dynamic Entry of Heart-Pounding Love wasn't enough to stop him."

"It's alright, Gai, Naruto," Obito says. He glares at Madara. "This isn't your fault." Madara rolls his eyes extravagantly.

"To think that I have sunk so low as to be lectured by my idiot apprentice. There is nothing to talk about. There were no casualties," Madara says. "The only reason why I've deigned to come here is because of Hashirama."

Hashi elbows him in the ribs. Madara sniffs arrogantly.

"Madara: why the hell would you perform a fire jutsu of that size and magnitude in the middle of an elementary school playground? And then activate your Susanoo and then forcibly draw out and ride around on the Kyuubi?" In fact, there were multiple reports of Madara rampaging at the playground, riding on the Kyuubi with Naruto getting dragged along in the background. Madara shrugs.

"The idiot behind me makes it so easy, you should be talking to him," Madara says.

"Why?" Obito says. Madara crosses his arms.

"Uchiha Madara is not just some house husband."

"Oh god," Hashi says.

"That pissant father needed to be taught a lesson, and so I taught it well. He now knows never to cross me."

Hashi clarifies. "His kids were hogging the swings," Hashi says.

"This was over swings?" Obito says.

"A territorial dispute that could only be solved by a display of force." Madara crosses his arms. "I believe I schooled him thoroughly."

"I'm so sorry. They've been fighting over playground equipment for weeks, I didn't think it'd go this far, otherwise I would have gone with him," Hashi says.

Obito sighs. "At the very least, it appears nothing was damaged--"

"Of course nothing was damaged. I was in complete control at all times. And yet you call me in here like some apprehensive school marm."

*****

"Hokage-sama! We have a problem!"

"What is it?" Obito says. The shinobi rests his hands on his knees, breathless.

"There are zombies that have taken over the civilian quarter!"

"What?" Obito says.

*****

"I'm so sorry!" Hashi says. Their neighbors are cowering in Madara's Susanoo while Hashi tries sequestering the undead nin she tried bringing back. "It worked with Izuna and Rin, I thought I could bring everybody back--"

"Raaaaar!" Zombies burst through the fence, making their neighbors scream. Madara knocks them down with his battle fan.

Obito stares. "How many did you resurrect?" he says. Hashi thinks.

"Um, I think the entire shinobi army? And I tried resurrecting Minato's wife, too."

"Ahhhhh!" another zombie says. Madara kicks him in the throat and punches another one behind him.

*****

"YOSH! Who's ready to kick some zombie ass, dattebayo!"

Ino shrieks. "It's Neji! Naruto-kun! Neji's a zombie!"

Minato pushes Kushina back, his hand flat against her forehead. "This is bad," Minato says. Kushina flails, then bares her teeth at him. "This is really bad."

In the middle of it all, Uchiha Itachi stands in the civilian quarter, cracks in his skin and his sclera blackened, looking thoroughly confused.

Sasuke gasps, "Nii-san! You're not a zombie?!"

"No, I am merely undead." Itachi frowns, looking at the chaos around him. "Is the war still ongoing? Are they attacking the village?"

"RAWR!" a zombie smashes through the glass window of a cake shop, then begins stuffing its face with pastry.

"Nevermind, Little Brother, I think I know the answer."

*****

Obito walks through the village, assessing the damage. What was once the civilian square is now a bombed-out waste, buildings crumbling and the streets covered in detritus and broken glass. "Do we have any casualties?" Obito asks. Shizune flips through her notepad.

"74 people injured, zero fatalities. But reports of missing persons are still trickling in, and the damage to the village's infrastructure is quite immense."

"Tch." Obito rubs his head.

It took a platoon of ANBU nin to herd the zombies into the forest, where Hashi sealed them with her Mokuton prison. There, Itachi showed her how to negate the jutsu, and after weaving a few hand seals, the zombie nin crumbled into dust and ash. ("Won't canceling the Edo Tensei affect you too?" Hashi asked Itachi. Itachi shook his head.

"I released myself from that jutsu awhile ago."

"Oh, okay. Cool.")

"Were any houses in the residential areas affected?" Obito asks. The ANBU nin nods.

"Approximately ten percent of civilian housing got razed by the zombie attack. Most of the damage seems to be confined to the commercial areas, but we have a team already mobilizing an emergency shelter in case any residents are displaced."

"Good," Obito says. "Notify the village council. The villagers will need disaster relief. We'll have to figure out how to re-allocate funds to provide adequate aid."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." And the ANBU nin disappears into the smoke.

Outside, the civilians venture out, cleaning debris and sweeping the dust and detritus. Obito and Kakashi stand in the middle of the civilian town center, looking at the smashed up windows and thick columns of smoke.

"Wow, what a shit show," Kakashi says. He glances at Obito. "They're gonna blame you because you're Hokage, you know."

Above them, a piece of roof falls after catching on fire.

*****

"Madara is Hokage?!" Itachi's eyes widen. His hand grips his sword.

"Worry not, Little Brother," Itachi says, and he pulls out his sword in one fluid motion. "I will do what I should have done a long time ago."

"Wait wait wait wait WAIT Itachi NO!" Naruto and Sasuke have to physically block Itachi from leaving. Itachi whips around.

"What is the matter with you two? Are you under his genjutsu? Let me feel your chakra, he may have disturbed its flow--"

"That's not the real Madara dattebayo, that's the real Madara," and Naruto points to a man with a bunch of kids strapped to him, a baby chewing on his battle fan and a toddler walking on a leash. "The guy you thought was Madara is really a guy named Obito."

"What?" Itachi says. Naruto nods vigorously.

"Yeah! Old Man Madara activated the Moon's Eye, but instead of creating a new reality, he grew this giant tree that cocooned everyone and sucked up all the chakra from all the shinobi! And then this biiiiiig alien lady came and I guess she was some kind of goddess or somethin' and we all thought we were screwed but Obito woke up and was like 'what the heck is happening,' and then he HELPED US, Itachi! An' then we went to a gravity dimension and a fire dimension and Sasuke was trapped in this DESERT dimension but Obito found us and she threw these chakra rods at us but then he jumped in front of us, dattebayo!"

Itachi blinks. He turns to Sasuke.

"Can you genjutsu me with the information?"

"Yeah, sure."

*****

4.

"You should dye your hair," Kakashi says, apropos of nothing. Obito furrows his brow.

"What, why?"

"Because for most people, white hair is distinguished, but on you it just looks weird."

Obito frowns.

*****

"Eh? Dye your hair?" Rin looks up. "Why?"

"Kakashi seems to think I look weird. That maybe I wouldn't scare off the delegates as much if I dyed my hair and used foundation on my neck and hand."

Rin looks. It's true, the patches of cloned skin can look a bit off-putting. His hand and neck are the color of an etiolated egg, translucent and criss-crossed with fine, purplish veins. And that isn't even taking into account the scars on his face, which are jarring even on a good day. Rin frowns at him. "Wouldn't the foundation rub off on your clothes, though?"

"I don't know, would it?"

"Here," she says, and she rummages through her makeup bag.

*****

On a whim, Rin goes to the convenience store to pick up some hair dye.

"I got a couple boxes so you can pick out the best color black," Rin says. Obito frowns at her.

"There's different colors of black?"

"Apparently there is."

"I feel idiotic," Obito says. Rin sets down her bag.

"For the record, I don't think you have to do this. I think your hair looks fine the way it is."

They both look at the box. "This seems complicated," Obito says.

He doesn't dye his hair.

****

5.

Obito doesn't wear the Hokage robes.

He doesn't wear the robes. He doesn't wear the cape. He doesn't even wear the hat, even if ceremonial circumstances dictate it: he'll only hold it gingerly and then pawn it off to Kakashi. Kakashi turns the hat over in his hands, frowning. "Obito. You can't tell me wearing this hat is any worse than wearing those masks."

Obito doesn't look up from his papers. "I don't like things sitting on top of my head."

Kakashi blinks. The boulders. Right.

Kakashi leans back, looking at him. He's wearing the standard green flak jacket, but beneath that he's dressed the way he used to dress when he pretended to be Madara - black pants and a black shirt that covers his neck up to the chin, and he puts on black gloves if there's a visitor. All he would need is his orange mask.

Kakashi knows without asking why he's wearing gloves and a turtleneck - half of Obito's neck and his entire right hand is made of Hashirama's cells, so the color contrast between his face and the rest of his body is jarring.

"Obito. What did you do with all those masks, anyway?"

He turns a page. "I burned them."

"Ah."

There's only the sound of Obito's pen writing on paper.

"You really should dye your hair," Kakashi says. Obito sets his pen down and frowns at him.

*****

"EH?! Kakashi why do you have to keep picking on him?!" Rin says.

Kakashi raises his hands. "Hold on a minute, Rin-chan--"

"You're such a jerk! Obito is working really hard and all you do is make fun of him!"

Obito shakes his head. "This is word for word the same conversation we had as kids," Obito says. Kakashi and Rin turn.

"Really?" Rin says. Obito nods. Rin whirls around toward Kakashi.

"Kakashi you grew up into a jerk!"

A sweatdrop forms on Kakashi's brow "O-oi."

"Picking on Obito just because he looks weird! He can't help it!" Rin says. (She said something similar when they were kids: "Kakashi you're a jerk! Picking on Obito just because he cries a lot! He can't help it!")

"This is making me nostalgic," Minato says.

*****

6.

"Why do you have to keep picking on him? Obito is working really hard! Just because he still can't do basic ninjutsu doesn't mean you can make fun of him!"

*****

"Kakashi be nice! So what if he cries a lot? He can't help it! He's sensitive!"

*****

"Why do you have to be such a jerk, Kakashi?! Just because he lost six times in a row doesn't mean you get to make fun of him!"

*****

"Kakashi this is like making fun of a baby, stop it!"

*****

"I mean, it's okay, not everyone gets it on the first try." A beat. "You've been working on this for a month?"

*****

"Don't apologize, Obito, I don't mind treating your wounds. You're the reason why I'm so good at suturing!"

*****

"Ne, Obito. Do you think Kakashi likes me?" (Proceeds to wax poetic about Kakashi for half an hour).

*****

The genjutsu ends. “Sorry,” Rin says.

*****

7.

They're sitting on the couch, watching a movie, when Rin leans over.

"Ne, Obito?"

"Hm?"

"Please deactivate your ninja eyes!"

Obito starts laughing. Rin giggles and snuggles against his shoulder.

*****

It becomes an inside joke: Rin will be walking past him in the kitchen, or sitting next to him on the couch, when she'll lean over him and say, "Please deactivate your ninja eyes!"

Invariably, it makes Obito crack up, and Rin will give him a mock serious look and tell him, "Sir! Deactivate your ninja eyes! This is no laughing matter!" and it's so stupid they both end up laughing.

It's the only time Rin's seen him laugh.

*****

8.

The Daimyo of the Land of Water is demanding reparations, and so Obito dips into his secret accounts, various Akatsuki holdings that he had disclosed to the Five Nations prior to becoming Hokage. "We demand recompense," a Kirigakure representative says. "Uchiha Obito stole from our country, depleting our wealth and lining the coffers of the Akatsuki with our money. It isn't fair that the Akatsuki's war chest be split up among the five nations at Kirigakure's expense. And lest we forget, he murdered hundreds of shinobi under the guise of being the Mizukage."

Obito stares at them, incredulous. "We already paid everything back with interest," Obito says. He gestures to the other kage. "We already agreed that what is left should go to the other four villages, Konoha included. Tsunade-sama signed the pact."

The Mizukage sniffs. "I see no reason why Konoha should profit."

Obito snaps, "The matter was settled, why is this being brought up again?"

The other kages glance uneasily at each other.

Obito sits heavily on the bed, head in his hands, frustrated. If they don't clinch the trade deal with the civilian village, Konoha will be thrown into debt. Rin sits next to him, touching his arm. "Everything okay?" she says. Wordlessly Obito lists sideways, leaning against her.

He genjutsus her and shows her the whole disastrous meeting, and Rin responds by pursing her lips and resting her hand on his head. "They haven't voted on it yet," Rin says. "Gaara and Darui openly said they'd support you."

"Onoki is still afraid I'm acting as Madara's puppet." Obito sighs, heavily. "There's only four of them and I can't vote on this, we're at a diplomatic standstill."

She rubs his back, and she can feel him start to relax. He plops his head face-first into her shoulder.

Rin lets out a startled laugh, "Obito!"

"Would it be terrible if I just genjutsu them?" His voice is muffled by her shirt. "It would be easy. No one would know."

"I thought you were trying to be a good person?" She rubs soothing circles by the nape of his neck. He moves his head to look up at her.

He reaches up, then tucks back a strand of hair that had fallen by her cheek, the tips of his fingers lightly brushing her temple. His eyes are soft. He smiles at her.

Rin gives him a puzzled smile. "What is it?" she says. Obito searches her eyes quietly.

He rests his head onto her lap, and Rin responds by resting her hand on his head, letting her fingers lightly scratch his scalp as he curls up on his side.

"Rin?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you have done if I did this when we were kids?" Obito says. Rin considers, bowing her head downward to look at him.

"I don't know," Rin says. She cards her fingers through his hair. "Probably freak out."

"Heh. I figured."

"No! I mean, I'd think that you were really injured, like maybe you were too orthostatic to keep sitting up."

Obito laughs. Rin responds by wiggling out from under his head and flopping down next to him.

They rearrange themselves so that Rin is lying on the left side of his chest, resting her head against his shoulder. Obito wraps his arms around her, propping his body slightly to the side so that he's not quite flat on his back. Rin fits her body against his, curling up into the concave hollow of his chest. He feels good and warm and she nuzzles her face against him.

"You know, I thought you'd be more upset about this," Rin says. Obito hugs her.

"I guess I haven't had much time to think about it," Obito says, and Rin realizes she's just brought up painful memories again. She sits up and starts to apologize, but Obito hugs her closer. "I tried negotiating with Onoki one-on-one. The Land of Earth is suffering crop damage from a massive drought, so I offered to open up bilateral trade agreements between their village and ours in return for his vote. He refused, and then he ratted me out to the other kage, claiming I was trying to influence him. I can't even be mad, because I was," Obito says.

"What would you do if you were in the Akatsuki?" Rin asks.

"Genjutsu them. Take I want. Maybe install a subordinate to infiltrate them. Start a whisper campaign in favor of our vote. And if that didn't work, I'd probably send one of the teams to kill them. I'd make it look like an accident, of course," Obito says, and he shifts to look at her. "Onoki would be easy. He's old - all I'd have to do is imply that he needs to do something to protect his legacy. 'Your village is suffering, and on your deathbed you will look back and have nothing but regret. Think about it,' I'd say, and then I'd disappear and let him mull it over."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Trying to convince everyone that I'm harmless and that I'm trying to do the best for the village. Ironic, because the village council doesn't trust me, either." He shifts Rin closer to his chest, then squeezes her fondly. "It's one of the reasons why I'm trying to bring the civilian villages into the fold. They don't know me. Granted, they know I have the Sharingan and they're afraid of me, but it's for an entirely different reason."

Rin feels herself start to drowse. His voice is soothing. He feels comfortable and warm and the entire time he's been talking, he's been absently running his fingertips up and down the skin of her arm. She feels him rest his cheek on her forehead. She smiles and presses a soft kiss against his throat, cuddling him sleepily. "Maybe you should listen to Kakashi," Rin says.

"What about Kakashi?"

"Wear makeup and dye your hair."

Obito scoffs. "Bakakashi is a pain in the ass."

Rin giggles. Obito reaches across her body to switch off the lamp, then shifts her weight, pulling the blankets over the both of them.

Like every night, Obito is the big spoon. Rin curls up on her side and Obito cups his body against hers, his arm draping across her torso and pulling her to his chest. He doesn't say it, but Rin knows he takes comfort in this, being able to hold her and cuddle her the rest of the night. Every so often he'll nuzzle his face into her neck or brush a soft kiss against her nape. Before, he rarely slept, relying on Hashirama's cells and sheer willpower to stay awake. He used to have nightmares, dreams where the walls would suddenly cave in, where the people he killed rose up to accuse him. Frequently he dreamt of Rin's death, and it would be as if he'd witnessed it all over again.

Sleep is comforting now, because he can sleep next to Rin, can feel her move and stir against him.

There is another round of negotiations, and Obito is caught off-guard when an Iwagakure representative asks him about the possibility of a bilateral trade agreement. Obito looks up and sees Onoki scowling, his arms crossed and his face pinched. He sees Obito and looks away dismissively. "I'm doing this for my village," Onoki says. His cape flutters as he floats over, scowling. "That's the only reason you've got my vote."

"Thank you," Obito says, and his face brightens. The other kage look and whisper to themselves. They had never seen the Sixth Hokage crack a smile.

[evil-overlord-scriptology]

But I Don’t Want to be a Sensei! Pt 3 (ARCHIVED)

Chapters 11, 12, & 13

Chapter 11: Training, Yanagi-Style!

Demon of the Mist. Master of the silent killing technique.

 So why didn't he kill silently?

 Why did he make his presence known and draw me into a long battle instead of killing Tazuna before any of us could suspect something.

 Tazuna went off on the little brat, but Naruto ignored him by exclaiming that people were hiding around in the bushes all around us. I was about to hit him for being stupid when I felt a surge of chakra behind me.

 Naruto seemed to follow my instincts and aimed another kunai knife at the spot I felt the chakra surge. Tazuna smacked Naruto upside the head and the brat and drunk had yet another yelling match while I went to investigate. Just below the kunai that Naruto had thrown a white rabbit was having a heart attack.

 A white snow rabbit.

 Curse my cursed damn luck. The karma demons must really loath me.

 I stepped away from Naruto's sobbing apologies to casually inspect the clearing, searching for chakra signatures. I wasn't a very good sensory nin, most of it was just pure natural skill since I had spent most of my training on my sharingan and attacks, so I wouldn't be able to sense anyone who was suppressing their chakra at a jounin level.

 Considering that I couldn't sense anyone meant that my suspicions were right and our next attacker was a jounin skilled opponent.

 I hadn't been able to sense Zabuza until he wanted me to.

 So why did he want me to?

 And that kid with him, he was also able to suppress his chakra enough that I didn't sense him until he felt like it too.

 Why?

 Why didn't the false hunter-nin attack me? We both knew that he could easily take me out as weak as I was. Towards the end of the fight, I had been putting on a front. That hunter-nin knew that, I could feel it in his gaze. But he only retrieved Zabuza. Did he want us to be surprised when Zabuza came back to attack us? No. That false hunter-nin would know that I'd be able to figure it out. People like Zabuza and his allies wouldn't underestimate anyone.

 Zabuza was hired by Gatou, I know that. Which meant he was in it for money... or was he? Gatou would want Tazuna dead quickly, so Zabuza should have killed him quickly. Instead he went after me. That meant that Zabuza didn't care for money as much as it would seem. So why? What did Zabuza really want?

 Something to do with Gatou. He had money–Zabuza could be hired by anyone else for that. He could offer protection–Zabuza didn't need it, he was capable of protecting himself and he had an ally. Gatou practically ruled over the Land of Waves–I doubted Zabuza was interested in that. Gatou had a shipping company...

 “Obito-nii! You said you were going to teach me something cool! This is geography!” A younger me whined.

 My older brother laughed, “Just you wait, imoto, you'll see this is cool!” I gave my brother a skeptical look. Obito often lied to me for the heck of it. Nii-san, seeing my expression, reached over to ruffle my curly hair, “That's a promise!” He said cheerfully. I automatically smiled. Whenever Obito-nii said those words, that meant whatever he was saying was true!

 Turns out he was right. It was very interesting learning about rebels often hiding in secluded areas like small islands. Obito was going to teach me about smuggling too, but then Kakashi-baka-nii-san came and interrupted everything.

 Rebels. Smuggling. Zabuza.

 My mind recalled Zabuza's page in the Bingo Book. He attempted a coup d'état on Kiri because he disagreed with the government. It was rumored that he had joined the Mist Rebels, but it was never proven.

 Could working for Gatou be a cover up?

 ...

 “Frizzy-sensei, I know you're awake!”

 “Idiot, don't yell!”

 “Shut up, Teme! I know Frizzy-sensei is awake! She keeps twitching.”

 “N-Naruto, p-p-plea-please q-quiet down. S-sensei is try-trying to r-r-rest.”

 My eyes snapped open and I immediately glared at Naruto, “You call me that again and I'll kick your ass.” I growled threateningly. I tried to sit up and immediately groaned as my chakra system convulsed painfully causing my muscles to spasm and freeze up as well.

 A woman I didn't know was by my side in an instant, “You shouldn't move.” She said in a mothering tone. I eyed her, she looked a lot like Mikoto-oba except her face was a lot plainer than my aunt's. She even acted like Mikoto. “Until you're feeling better you should just lay down.” I gave in with a sigh and laid back down. If this woman was anything like Mikoto-oba, she wouldn't take no for an answer. It'd be in my best interest to just listen to her.

 “S-sensei, are you al-alright?” Hinata asked, coming to kneel beside my futon.

 “Hn.” I responded with the Uchiha general answer for everything.

 Naruto, of course, wasn't going to take that for an answer though, “What happened anyway, sensei? You were fine one minute and the next you were passing out! What gives?”

 Sasuke bopped Naruto upside the head, “Idiot, Yanagi-itoko used too much chakra.” I gave Sasuke a strange look, since when did he call me 'itoko'?!

 Tazuna spoke up from behind Hinata, “Well you did take down a powerful ninja, so I guess you've got an excuse.”

 “He's not dead.” I said, turning my gaze to the ceiling.

 I think everyone had a miniature heart attack.

 “W-what?! What do you mean he's not dead?” Tazuna practically screeched like a girl.

 I closed my eyes and struggled to sit up again. It tore at my pride that Hinata had to help me, but at least I wasn't laying down like some helpless invalid anymore, “Hunter-nins destroy the body where they make the kill. So why did that boy take Zabuza away?”

 Silence permeated the air as that information sunk in.

 Hinata gasped a little, “T-those needles he-he used...” She said under her breath. Everyone looked at the shy heiress and she blushed. “S-sorry!” She squeaked, ducking her head and twiddling her fingers.

 I reached out and pushed her hands down, “No, what were you saying?” I asked. Now wasn't the time for shyness. If Hinata had information, then she should share it.

 The girl nibbled at her lip in nervousness and, after a long silence, finally stuttered out, “W-where he h-h-h-hit... i-it was a pres-pressure p-p-poi-point... that c-ca-causes d-death if hit h-hard e-e-en-enough.” Of course Hinata would know. The Hyuuga fighting style specialized in pressure points, hitting them with chakra to cut off the chakra flow.

 Sasuke stiffened, “The senbon needles. They don't have a high casualty rate.” He said, mostly to himself.

 I nodded, “Exactly. Unless hitting a vital organ, senbon needles don't kill. My guess is that the hunter-nin used the pressure points on Zabuza's neck to create a temporary death. A hunter-nin is an expert in human anatomy, causing the heart to stop temporarily is child's play to them. Also, the fact that the hunter-nin we ran into took Zabuza's body away instead of taking care of him on the spot and using senbon needles for a weapon points to one fact: that boy was trying to save Peaches... not kill him.”

 Tazuna tried to reason with us, “Come on, you're over thinking things!” By the tone of his voice, I could tell that Tazuna really want us to be paranoid and not right.

 I gave the man a serious look, “An Uchiha does not over think things.” I said, a little more harshly than intended. Tazuna cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away. More calmly I recited a rule from the Shinobi Handbook, “The Shinobi Handbook states: 'Encountering suspicion, the ninja prepares quickly. Hesitation leads to disaster.'” I narrowed my eyes at Tazuna, daring him to comment again. I should thank Kakashi for being a ninja robot when I first met him; because of him I memorized the entire handbook by the time I was seven.

 Involuntarily, of course.

 I glanced at my genin to gauge their reaction. Naruto was grinning a little psychotic grin and Hinata looked extremely pale. Sasuke wasn't showing any emotion.

 Naruto stood up, his hand still clenched in a fist, “Alright! Let's prepare then!”

 Blinking, I looked at my dumbest student with surprise. Honestly I had expected him to start yelling about going and hunting Zabuza down, not training.

 Even more surprising was when Hinata gave Naruto a look that could have been called a glare... if she wasn't blushing, “B-but Naruto, Y-yanagi-sensei is hurt!” Hinata wasn't even stuttering as much, and she was talking to Naruto! Normally she couldn't say one word completely when talking to her crush.

 “Uh... Sensei?” I blinked and shook my head a little before focusing on a confused Naruto, “What's with the funny look?” The blonde asked, the dread in his voice apparent. Mildly I wondered if he though I was going to whip out another Uchiha-style training session like I did when they bothered me too much.

 I smiled kindly at them, “I'm just impressed by how much all of you have grown. Especially you Naruto.” Naruto squinted at me. I grinned wider until my eyes closed, “You've grown the most.”

 Should have known the praise would go straight to his head, “So you noticed, huh? Things are going to get even better, believe it!” Naruto exclaimed.

 “I don't believe it!” A childish voice, not so different from Naruto's actually, shouted behind the blonde. I looked past Naruto to the doorway where a small child in green overalls stood. He glared at us from under his hat with eyes so filled with hate and... loneliness.

 “Who are you!?” Naruto enunciated each word loudly, pointing an accusing finger at the kid.

 Tazuna spoke before the kid could, “Ah, Inari, where have you been?” My eyes went from Tazuna to Inari, so this was the kid that would cry and cry if we hadn't taken the mission to protect Tazuna after we found out how dangerous it was.

 He sure didn't seem the type.

 Inari, ignoring the rest of us, ran for his grandfather, his voice suddenly happy and eager, “Welcome back, Grandpa!”

 “Inari! That was very rude, these ninja helped your grandfather and brought him here safely.” The woman who I had yet been introduced to scolded. No doubt she was Inari's mother and Tazuna's daughter. Seemed to me that she wouldn't resent Konoha if Tazuna was killed.

 Grandpa Drunk was a dirty blackmailer.

 Tazuna waved off Inari's mother, “Ah, it's okay. I'm rude to them too.” He chuckled.

 I shot him a nasty glare, “Same to you, Grandpa Drunk.” I snapped. Tazuna tried to glare at me, but he didn't hold a candle to any Uchiha. Not even Ibo.

 Inari gave us all a blank look before turning to his mother, “Mom, don't you see, all these people are going to die! Gatou is going to kill them all!”

 Naruto had the right idea when he yelled, “What did you say brat?!” He gave a cocky grin, “Listen up, you know what a super ninja is? Well that's me, only I'm going to be better.” Contradictory much? “I'm going to be Hokage!” Oh dear kami, not this again, “This Gatou or Blatou or whatever he's called is no match for a real hero like me!”

 The brat scoffed, “There's no such thing as a real hero. You're just full of stupid ideas!” Inari snapped, looking very much like a miniature Uchiha in appalling fashion at that moment. Yeesh, talk about dramatic.

 There was a brief moment of silence before Naruto started for him, “WHAT'D YOU SAY?!” Sasuke luckily leapt up to grab the blonde idiot before he could murder Inari. I almost felt sorry for my cousin for having to be so close the that blaring mouth. No doubt Sasuke would be deaf by the time he was twenty.

 “If you wanna stay alive you should go back where you came from.” Inari said snobbishly then started walking away.

 Finally, finally, Tazuna scolded him, somewhat, “Inari, where are you going?”

 “To look at the ocean!” Inari snapped as he opened the doors and left, slamming the door behind him.

 I sighed, “That boy is going to have a bad attitude when he's a teenager...” I commented to no one.

 Tazuna looked at Naruto after a moment, “Sorry about that.” He said in a 'not so sorry' tone. I should know, I used it all the time.

 Inari's mother took over then and shooed everyone else out of my room, saying I was still supposed to be resting. I sighed when I was alone and wondered what everyone else was up to. Not that I cared, I was just bored. I nearly cried when I realized that if Obito found out about this he was going to murder me for getting hurt! Kakashi would be right behind him. And Shisui would never let me live it down.

 Still moaning about my morbid future, I closed my eyes to rest and plan ahead.

 vvv

 I flicked three small squares at my genin. Being ninjas, even miniature ones, all three snatched the paper out of the air without thinking. They looked at the chakra paper confused, then at me. I leaned against the tree I sat under, “That's chakra paper. When you channel your chakra into the paper it will react according to your chakra nature. For instance,” I held up a fourth slip of paper and channeled my chakra into it. The paper split in two. “That's the sign that I have Fūton nature.” I waved my hand at Sasuke, “Go, Duckass.”

 My cousin gave me a small glare before concentrating on the bluish paper in his hand. As we watched the paper began to crinkle. Sasuke looked at me for explanation. I nodded once, “Seems you have a Lightning affinity. Being an Uchiha you also have Katon nature, correct?” Sasuke nodded silently. Of course he did. The Uchiha clan was born with fire affinity, no two ways about it. There was a reason why we were famous for it after all.

 Naruto went ahead and channeled his chakra into his paper without my say-so. The paper cut in two, “Cool! We have the same... uh... katra nature, Sensei!” He exclaimed.

 “Chakra” I stressed before mentally running through all my wind ninjutsus. I didn't have that many that were low level, and those that I did weren't really battle-oriented.  Anything I taught him would be useless in the inevitable battle against Zabuza. Maybe I should start him on a higher level ninjutsu. With his large chakra stores, Naruto shouldn't be in too much danger.

 But it was Naruto we were talking about.

 Shaking off my dilemma for now, I nodded to Hinata for her to go. She channeled her chakra into the slip of paper and watched as it turned damp with water.

 I tsked, “Well, I don't know any water ninjutsus. It goes against my fire chakra nature.” I said, feeling slightly sorry for Hinata especially with her pulling that disappointed look. She was the one who needed training the most and I couldn't help her at all. Not many people could, really. Unless... I snapped my fingers, startling my three genin, “I can teach you some stealth techniques for now, I noticed you're good at that. And I'll try to find you someone someone to teach you Suiton jutsus later.” Already my mind was going through a mental file of everyone I had seen using Suiton techniques.

 All three of my genin were giving me strange looks. I raised an eyebrow in question, but I already knew what was going on in their tiny little minds. “Why... why are you being so helpful?” Sasuke finally asked.

 I gave them a smirk, “What, you miss the surly sensei? Because I can easily go back into that.” Cue a quick head shake from all my precious genin. I rolled my eyes and explained, “We're going against a S-ranked criminal and his unknown ally. I was barely able to defeat Peach-boy last time-”

 Naruto interrupted me before I could continue, “But that's the point!” I was mildly surprised at his outburst, “If you were unable to beat Zabuza then what makes you think we can?!” Was Naruto... admitting that he wasn't strong? “You passed out last time after that battle, and that weird guy in the mask will also be there this time, so what makes you think we're ready for that kind of-”

 Being the awesome sensei that I am, I smacked him in the head with one of my crutches to shut him up.

 “Didn't I just say that you're getting stronger?” I asked hotly, irritated that my rare praise wasn't warming their sorry little hearts. First time I ever praised Naruto and he was whining about not being strong enough! “Look, I wouldn't have been able to do anything during that fight if you three hadn't done something.” I think the genin were a little shell shocked.

 Naruto, stupidly, tried to speak again. I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down until we were inches apart. “Look here, Obito Mini-me, you're going to shut up and learn a jutsu because if you don't that little promise you made back when we fought those chunnin will go to waste!” Naruto clammed up after that. I let him go and struggled to a stand, “Good. Now, lets start training. Sasuke, heel.”

 My cousin's right eye twitched at being treated like a dog but came forward anyway. I stared at him intently, trying to figure out what jutsu I could teach him. I already knew he could to the Grand Fireball–it had been a big thing around the clan when Sasuke mastered the technique when he was seven, making him yet another prodigy.

 I swear the Uchiha clan spat out either prodigies or total losers.

 “Do you know the Phoenix Sage Technique?” I asked suddenly, looking down to the duckass haired boy for his answer.

 Sasuke added a slight frown to his otherwise emotionless face, “Aniki says that's a Katon technique.”

 “I know that. I have Katon and Fūton chakra, I can't teach you any Lightning jutsus. Yes or no, did Itachi-san or anyone else teach you the Phoenix Sage?” I said testily. Damn this little brat and his need to question everything!

 Sasuke shook his head 'no'.

 I grinned sadistically. “Good. Now I get to apply Uchiha-style training on you.” I said then chuckled evilly. It might have been my imagination, but Sasuke seemed to turn three shades paler than his normal pasty self. But first, “Sit, while I deal with the others.” I commanded my cousin before pushing down on his shoulder, forcing him to sit.

 Naruto was over his gloom and doom attitude already, “Oh oh! Sensei, me next! Me next!” He yelled eagerly, waving his hand in the air like a child eagerly wanting to impress the teacher.

 Ignoring him, I turned to Hinata. “You're training is simple to explain. Go out deep into the woods and try to sneak back here. Try to suppress both your chakra and the noise you make. If you make it back here before the boys can hear you, then you pass. Got it?” Another nod. “Shoo then.” I said, waving my hand towards her. Hinata hesitated for only a moment before disappearing.

 As soon as Hinata was gone, my vision was filled with yellow and orange, “Yanagi-sensei! Teach me next! I want to learn a kickass jutsu!” I was kind of starting to miss the 'doom and gloom' Naruto...

 Picking up a leaf that laid at my feet I gave it to the blonde brat, “Here.”

 Naruto squinted at the leaf in confusion, “Huh?”

 I picked up another leaf and held it in my right palm, “To master any Fūton jutsu, you need excellent control, even more than the control required for tree walking. Use your chakra to cut the the leaf; it'll be harder than cutting the chakra paper since you must consciously cut, not just channel chakra.” I focused my chakra to cut the leaf I was holding and did just as I told him, “Do that and I'll teach you the Wind Blade.” The Wind Blade was a B-rank jutsu. But since Naruto already knew the shadow clone jutsu, which was forbidden, I doubted he'd have too much trouble.

 “WHAAT?! You said you were going to teach me a cool jutsu!”

 “I will. After you learn to control your chakra better.”

 “I already know how to do that! Teach me the jutsu!”

 “Don't make demands, kid, or I'll do nothing. Shut up and train with your leaf.”

 Naruto pouted, predictably. He crossed his arms and turned his nose into the air like a child. Rolling my eyes I leaned over and pinched his nose between my index finger and thumb. Naruto screeched and tried to swat me off, but I didn't let go, “Look, if you don't learn this then you'll never get any of the wind jutsus I'm going to teach you.” A complete lie, but what's a little white lie if Naruto never found out about it? I let go of Naruto's nose and straightened up, “Unless you want to be defenseless when Zabuza comes back, I suggest you don't question my methods. Get to work.”

 Before Naruto could say another word, I grabbed Sasuke by his ridiculous Uchiha collar and bodily dragged him away, ignoring all his protests along the way. I only let go when we reached a clearing well enough away from Naruto and made Sasuke sit again.

 I sat down across from him, staring intently at my cousin. There was a long moment of silence as we stared at each other. Eventually Sasuke wilted under my gaze and shifted nervously. Finally he looked away.

 Quickly before he knew what was happening, I shunshined further away and made the appropriate hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” I intoned and several fireballs flew towards Sasuke.

 My cousin's eyes widened as the fireballs roared towards him. I watched in amusement as he dodged the first five before creating a Grand Fireball to cancel out the last of my jutsu. When the fire died away, Sasuke was glaring at me. I smirked and did the same hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”

 Repeat.

 By the time I did the third Phoenix Sage jutsu, Sasuke was pissed. He snatched a kunai from his weapons pouch and charged me. I laughed at his puny attempts to attack and backflipped away. “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”

 “Katon: Grand Fireball Jutsu!”

 I shunshined behind Sasuke to avoid his fireball and recreated the hand signs, “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” Sasuke turned around, his eyes wide and filled with horror as he saw the several mini fireballs flying towards him. There was no way he could avoid them in time. I watched passively as Sasuke managed to dodge the first and second fireball. The third skimmed his right forearm, making the brat cry out in agony. He leapt away from the others, getting out of the fire zone and crouching down to cradle his injured arm.

 “What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouted at me. I was impressed that he wasn't crying from the burn. The Phoenix Sage Jutsu was hot enough that if the fire grazed you, it would result in a second degree burn. When Obito first taught me the jutsu I was bawling my eyes out when I got burned.

 Instead of answering his question, I started making the hand signs again. Sasuke, finally catching on, leapt away. I kept following him, spitting out fireballs, but every time I did Sasuke only leapt back again. He looked good and riled now. My mouth twitched upwards in a smirk, time to throw in insults.

 “You know for being a prodigy, you're a pretty lousy one.” I drawled casually. Sasuke straightened up from his crouched position, his brows drawn low over his nose. I nodded as if he had said something, “Even my brother, the famed 'dead last of the Uchiha', was chūnin at eleven and had unlocked his sharingan at age thirteen. And let's not get into Shisui and Itachi.”

 “What's your point?” Sasuke snapped angrily.

 I sneered as I made the hand signs again, “My point is that you're going to have a hell of a time learning without that sharingan. Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!”

 vvv

 “Ouch!” Sasuke actually yelped later that night as I applied salve to his burns.

 I rolled my eyes, “Hush up, you big baby! I'm not even hurting you.” I swatted the brat over the head for good measure.

 Tazuna snorted, “Now you are.” He chuckled then made a squeaking noise in the back of his throat when Sasuke and I glared at him.

 Naruto seemed torn between laughing at Sasuke and being jealous that he got to learn a jutsu while Naruto only got to practice more chakra controlling exercises. By mid afternoon he had mastered the leaf exercise to I gave him another, when he master that one I gave him another and another. Sasuke seemed grateful every time Naruto showed up saying that he mastered the exercise, since it was a break from my torturous training methods.

 I tied a knot in the last bandage and pulled it tight, causing my cousin to wince. Sasuke glared at me as he rubbed his arm. I smirked, “If you tell Itachi-san, he'll only tell you to train more. You know he will.” I teased, reading exactly what was on my younger cousin's mind. Well Itachi would probably kill me too, but I'd leave that part out.

 No need to give Sasuke any funny ideas.

 Feeling an evil look staring at me I looked up to see Tsunami glaring at me hotly, “Yanagi-san, you overdid it today. If you keep this up you won't be able to protect us when that man comes back!” Tazuna's daughter snapped at me.

 I waved a flippant hand, “Eh, I'm a jounin, I've been dealt with chakra exhaustion before.” I said dismissively. Granted when the last time I had been on an A-rank with chakra exhaustion I had other jounin to back me up, not fresh genin. Not that I was telling any of them that.

 Tsunami just continued to glare at me.

 Giving in I stood up with a sigh, “Fine. I'm going to bed. Hinata, since you already mastered your training I'm putting you in charge of guarding Tazuna tomorrow. See you two boys in the morning.” I said deviously. Sasuke paled a fraction while Naruto cheered happily. With that I hobbled off for another night's rest.

 vvv

 “Uh... Sensei, what are we doing...?” Naruto asked. Sasuke was off in a little corner of the clearing, practicing the Phoenix Sage jutsu–he had finally memorized the hand signs I had used for the jutsu–while the Kyuubi brat and I sat in a meditative pose in the center of the clearing. It was mid-morning and so far had been peaceful except for Naruto's consent nagging.

 I opened an eye, “Right now? I'm enjoying the morning. Shut up and meditate.”

 “But-”

 “No.”

 “Sensei-”

 “Meditate.”

 “What does-”

 “Shut up.”

 “Hmph!” Naruto pouted, but at least he fell silent. I relaxed and let my mind drift over my musings on Zabuza and his ally again. I needed to figure out what they wanted before they attacked again. Maybe... maybe if they're intentions weren't as evil as I originally thought I could talk them out of their job and thus save bloodshed. Gatou, he would have to go. I didn't need the drug lord around and trying to control the Land of Waves. This whole mission was just a tangled mess. I had to worry about my genin and Tazuna. I had to figure out how to get rid of Gatou. I had to do something about Zabuza and his ally.

 Why didn't I have Itachi's insane ability to plan years in advance?!

 Bamf!

 I opened my eyes to see Naruto had fallen over, asleep. I sighed. This kid was a long way from being Hokage, that much was for sure.

 “Hey, idiot! Wake up or I won't teach you the Wind Blade!” I yelled in Naruto's ear. From his shriek of pain, I guessed that I probably burst his eardrum.

 ...Oops...

 vvv

 “Come on...” I groaned to myself as I dragged the unconscious Naruto back into the house. For a kid, he felt like he weighed a ton! I dumped him at the table and dusted my hands off.

 In the meantime, Tsunami was gaping at Naruto's crumbled state, then at me, “What happened?!” She asked shocked. After a moment the older woman's eyes narrowed as if she blamed me for Naruto's sorry state. Though, it kinda was my fault...

 I gave her a raised eyebrow, “He fell unconscious. He'll be fine tomorrow.” Normal kids took months months to recover from near chakra exhaustion; but Naruto was the Kyuubi container, a little chakra exhaustion wouldn't bother him too much.

 “What's the use? You're just going to die!” Three guess who the doomsayer was, and the first two didn't count.

 It turned out that Naruto wasn't as unconscious as I thought, he was just being extremely lazy, “What do you mean?! We're training very hard to protect you, and you just-”

 Inari cut him off, “It doesn't matter how hard you try, there's no such thing as a hero!” With that the little brat ran out of the room, slamming the door shut. Tsunami ran after her son, calling out his name. I looked at Tazuna, knowing that he had answers.

 Grandpa Drunk sighed and set his tea cup down. He nodded towards a torn picture hanging on the wall, one that showed his family there smiling. I squinted at the picture, along the edges that had been torn, I could barely make out part of a masculine torso behind Tsunami. There was a story behind this family's strange behavior, I could practically smell it.

 “He wasn't Inari's real father, he came into our family later...” Tazuna started. I sat back and laced my fingers behind my head, I knew I was in for a treat.

  Chapter 12: Bitter Taste of Reality

I nudged Naruto's side with the toe of my sandal. He didn't even twitch. Squatting down I poked the brat's cheek with a rigid finger, “Hey, dumbass...” I said loudly, knowing that a knucklehead like Naruto would react if I called him names. He still didn't move. “Obito Mini-me. Brat. Idiot. Dumb blonde. Dead last. Coward.” When the brat didn't react at all I stood back up with a sigh and turned to the others standing in the doorway.

 “Well either he's dead or out like a light post.” I told them, scratching the back of my head. Hinata gasped a little, her hands going to her mouth as she no doubt thought that her precious 'Naruto-kun' was dead.

 Tsunami looked as equally worried as the little Hyuuga heiress, “You don't think he overdid it in training, do you? He was looking pretty exhausted last night.

 “Hn. He was passed out in the forest yesterday morning.” Sasuke commented thoughtfully.

 I groaned and hung my head, I really didn't need this at the moment, “Fine, Sasuke will be on guard duty today and Hinata will train.” I said defeated. I hated it when people screwed up my schedule! “Hinata you know the rules. If anyone suspicious shows up, head for the bridge and warn everyone.”

 “H-Hai.”

 Sasuke frowned, “But that was the rotation yesterday.” I glared at him. Like I didn't know that already, idiot.

 “Hinata still needs to train in her stealth and since Naruto is stealing your rest day, you can take his spot on guard duty. Don't complain, Duckass, true shinobi don't protest orders.” Like I predicted, Sasuke snapped his jaw shut and didn't make another sound.

 Really, it was insulting how predictable that kid was.

 “Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll go with you that way you can relax at the bridge.” Everyone but Inari gave me strange looks. I returned their gaze with an unamused look, “Stop staring like calves at a new gate. I'm bored.” I snapped, perhaps just a little too defensively. By Sasuke's sudden smug look I was guessing he knew why I really was going.

 I was worried about the brat.

 With good reason though. There was no such thing as a jounin who didn't have a sixth sense for danger; and I felt more jittery than when Obito accidentally released those rabid squirrels in the house.

 I mentally shuddered at the memory.

 I moved past the miniature crowd and lead them outside. Turning to Tsunami I began issuing orders, “When Naruto wakes up, just tell him to practice his taijutsu; you also have permission to send him on any errands you have. Hinata, I want you to try and sneak up on as many woodland creatures as you can. If you catch five animals in a row then join Sasuke and I on the bridge. Duckass, Grandpa Dunk, let's go.” I turned on my heel and immediately started for the bridge without waiting for the two idiot males catch up to me.

 “Geez, for a woman you walk pretty fast.” Tazuna panted when he and my cousin finally caught up. It was really pathetic that we were almost to the bridge by that point.

 I gave the old drunk an unimpressed look, “Not all women are geishas or civilians who don't have anywhere important to be. The success of a mission could rely on fast feet, I could possibly save a life that would otherwise be lost if I arrive quicker than my enemies anticipate.”

 Tazuna pulled a face, “Hey kid, are all shinobi like this one or is it just her?” He asked Sasuke.

 Sasuke just shrugged and didn't comment. He practically had to jog to keep up with us adults; I couldn't tell if he wasn't answering because he didn't want to or because he was too focused on not falling behind. I was guessing it was a little bit of both.

 “Tazuna, how long do you have before the bridge is finished?” I asked the old man. Now wasn't the time for fun and games. That sense of dread I had been feeling all morning was getting worse the closer we got to the bridge.

 Grandpa Drunk shrugged, “Depends. If I have a full roster of workers, it should only be a few weeks. But with Gatou controlling everything and scaring the people, I keep losing my workers. Just yesterday I had one of my foremen quiet! I don't even have half of a roster now, it could take months with the amount of workers I got.”

 Grimacing, I halted at the entrance to the bridge, “That's what I feared.” I muttered.

 Tazuna gaped at his unconscious employees littering the bridge. I could tell by their chakra levels that the men were still alive, but only just. “What tha-?!” Tazuna exclaimed, his face twitching in horror. I glanced at him then at Sasuke. Sasuke looked back at me, his eyes gleaming with an odd shine of excitement. He was ready.

 A sudden mist blew in from the ocean. I snarled in frustration and stepped in front of Tazuna, “Stay behind me.” I said sharply. Tazuna didn't say anything, but he didn't move.

 That stupid creepy chuckle drifted out from the fog, “Sorry to keep you waiting, Uchiha. I see you still got that brat with you, but what happened with the other two? Did they run off?” I heard a slight clicking behind me, but didn't glance towards my cousin. I knew he wasn't doing something stupid. Of all my genin I trusted Sasuke the most in a fight, even if he had bouts of cowardice when I least expected it.

 Peaches chuckled again, “Oh look, he's shaking again. Pathetic.” The nuke-nin laughed mockingly.

 There was a small intake of air from Sasuke and I felt Zabuza's chakra spike as water clones surrounded the three of us. I tensed and palmed a kunai, ready to throw it at the clone's head that was in front of me if he so much as blinked in a way I didn't like.

 Sasuke scoffed, “I'm trembling with... excitement.”

 The Zabuza water clones seemed surprised at the admission and I only rolled my eyes. Why couldn't the need for dramatics skip Sasuke? It skipped Itachi and me, why not one more generation?! I had enough drama from Naruto, I didn't need Sasuke filling in for that little brat too.

 Speaking of brats...

 I glanced at my cousin out of the corner of my eye, “Play nice.” I said teasingly. That was all the permission Sasuke needed. He twirled the kunai in his hand around a finger so that the blade was pointing at the clone in front of him. With a delightful smirk that reminded me a little too much of Obito's sadistic grin, my baby cousin pounced at the water clones.

 While Peach-boy's clones were busy trying to defeat an Uchiha brat, I ran through the signs for a summoning and slammed my hand to the bridge's surface, “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!” I heard Zabuza growl angrily as a swarm of normal sized hawks flew up from the seal, spiraling into a twister of feathers and harsh cries that surrounded me like a moving wall. I held up my right arm and one of the hawks detached itself from it's flock. “Fly to Hyuuga Hinata and inform her to come as back up.” The hawk dipped its head at my command and took off to the sky, flying out of sight before turning in the direction of Hinata. No need to tell our enemies where an ally was after all. The rest of the hawks dispersed among the cables of the bridge, their sharp yellow eyes watching.

 While I was busy with my summonings, Sasuke finished up his little spar with the water clones. He looked about as cocky as a true Uchiha when he returned to his spot beside me. I mentally whimpered and hoped that I didn't get an arrogant little brat who thought he was God's gift to man. If so, I was going to beat that out of him and suffer Itachi's wrath with a smile on my face.

 “Ooooo, the brat's improving.” Peach-boy said from my right. All three of us turned to see the man with horrible fashion sense giving us a leer. At least I thought it was a leer, it was kind of hard to tell when the lower half of his face was bandaged up. His ally stood beside him, still wearing that false hunter-nin mask. “Looks like you've got competition... Haku.” Zabuza continued.

 “So it seems.” The boy, Haku, murmured quietly.

 Trolling time.

 “Oi oi. Peachy's ally, or whatever the hell your name is, are you a boy or a girl? Because honestly, you're a very androgynous individual.” I asked, intentionally playing the ignorant idiot. Tazuna and Sasuke were giving me looks that could only be described as 'way to ruin the suspense, dummy'.

 Haku and Zabuza exchanged looks and I took my chance to continue, “You know what? It doesn't matter anyway, I think I'll just call you Zabuza's Bitch.” I said with a smirk. Both nuke-nins snapped their heads around to glare at me–well I assume Haku glared, it was hard to tell with the mask–while I cackled in delight of pissing my enemy off.

 “Take care of the brat. I'll take the bitch.” Zabuza growled.

 Haku turned his gaze on Sasuke, “Right.” The kid murmured again. Then he moved. Startled I opened my mouth to shout a warning to Sasuke, but Zabuza was on me before I could utter a single syllable.

 I back flipped away from Tazuna, distancing myself from the client and the man trying to kill him. At the moment Zabuza seemed pretty focused on me, so I didn't have to worry. I smirked as I kicked Kubikiribōchō away from me. “Don't tell me I struck a nerve.” I cooed as I deflected another swing with my kunai. Zabuza snarled like an angry animal and charged at me again. I snorted and ducked under his swing. If I had know pissing Peaches off would make him attack like a predictable wild animal, I would have done it a long time ago.

 Kicking off the ground, I gave myself enough time to spare a glance at Sasuke. My eyes widened as I saw Haku performing hand signs with only one hand. That wasn't something you saw everyday. I wonder if the sharingan could somehow pick it up.

 Before I could activate my sharingan to see if I could, Zabuza attacked again, “You're opponent is me! Let's leave the kids to their game.”

 I shot Zabuza a nasty glare, “Oh, go drown in your own water ninjutsu! I didn't come all this way with a bunch of brats and a drunk old man to hear you blowing steam, ya old windbag.” I snapped, getting irritated. I knew Zabuza wasn't taking this fight seriously. He was just trying to keep me from Sasuke and Haku's fight.

 Peachy paused, “A bunch of brats, eh?” He quoted, sounding oddly interested. “So you don't think that those genin are worth anything either.”

 “Oh I think they're worth a lot of things, I just like calling them brats. They're my brats and I'm the only one allowed to call them that and get away with it.” I snapped back and flung my kunai at Peachy-boy's head to emphasize my point. He easily ducked under the kunai and charged at me, his sword back and ready for a strong strike to my legs. I leaped into the air over his blade and put my hands down on Zabuza's back, flipping over him to land between him and the kids.

 I smirked, “Ya know, some people would think you were compensating for something with that big blade of yours.” I commented sweetly.

 “You're letting that big mouth get away again, Uchiha.” Peachy growled.

 I shrugged, “Well at least I'm not trying to prank you as well as fight you like my brother does. That's just annoying.” I said coolly. From the look in Zabuza's eyes, he thought my inappropriate remarks were a hell of a lot more annoying.

 “Argh!” Both of us whipped around to see Sasuke kicking Haku away.

 Sasuke stood in his spot, smirking, “Seems you're not as fast as you think you are.” He said, idly spinning his kunai around his index finger. Cocky little git, I was definitely beating that arrogance out of his system.

 Zabuza glared at his ally, “Haku. Stop messing around and letting a brat beat you, get on with it!” He ordered.

 The masked boy stood back up easily, “Yes.” He responded in an almost robotic voice.

 Frowning I turned my back on Zabuza to watch what the masked brat was doing. Icy blue strands of chakra haloed Haku and he bowed his head, “I'm sorry it's come to this.” The boy said softly and made a strange sign. The temperature dropped drastically and I uttered a curse under my breath as I automatically regulated my chakra to keep myself warm. Of course our newest enemy would have some kind of tie to cold weather. It wouldn't be hell if he didn't.

 Stupid karma demons and their stupid agenda against me.

 The water around Sasuke and Haku suddenly leaped up into the air to form flat frozen surfaces. Haku stepped into the mirrors, senbon needles in his hands. Meanwhile I gaped in surprise, it was not cold enough to form ice like that. Even the most powerful shinobi with water nature had a hard time creating ice even in temperatures where it was easy to form. That only meant one thing.

 Kekke Genkai.

 Peaches chuckled behind me, “Seems you figured it out.”

 Growling I ran for the ice mirrors, but Peach-boy flash stepped in front of me. “If you're going to fight, you will fight me.” He snapped.

 I glared at him. “Bastard.” I spat out.

 The peachy nuke-nin chuckled creepily, “Oh? Out of your witty comments? I'm crushed.” I could practically taste the sarcasm in the air.

 “You have three seconds to step aside before I really crush you.”

 “How cute. You think you can defeat me. You weren't able to before, what makes you think you can now that we're surrounded by even more water than before?” My eyes widened a fraction and I flung my kunai at the water clone that I thought was Zabuza and leaping away before the real Zabuza could cut me down. He didn't look all that happy when he turned to face me. He scoffed when he saw my sharingan, “That again? Are all the Uchiha so weak that they rely on that silly Kekke Genkai of theirs? How pathetic.”

 Sasuke yelped and I looked over Peaches shoulder to see Haku raining senbon down on my cousin like a vengeful thunderstorm. Anger washed over me, hot and heady, when I landed my gaze back on Zabuza. “Two seconds to move.”

 Peaches sneered.

 “One.”

 He didn't move.

 I held my right arm above my head and brought my left to my mouth. Curling my index and thumb around my tongue I whistled loudly, using a small wind ninjutsu to amplify the sound. My hawk summons, having been sitting on the sidelines forgotten, all took flight. They flew in circles like a roiling thundercloud of brown and black, using my upraised arm as the pivot point.

 “Last chance to move.” I said. Zabuza stubbornly stayed where he was. My mouth twisted in an ugly grimace and I lowered my right arm to point at the Mist nuke-nin. The hawks gave one last turn before following my finger and shooting straight towards Peach-boy.

 He smirked.

 My eyes widened.

 “Hha!” I felt water douse my back and I spun around to see Hinata standing in a puddle of water, formerly a water clone, panting slightly. She gave me a shaky grin, “I-I'm sorry Y-Yanagi-sensei. I c-came as fast as I c-c-c-could.” She stuttered slightly, a blush forming on her cheeks. I didn't blame her, Hinata had suddenly become the center of attention after pulling a stunt like that. Even Haku stopped torturing my poor cousin to stare at her.

 I grinned, “Hey, I'm not complaining. You just saved me from being skewered like a roast pig.” I joked before turning serious, “Guard Tazuna, don't leave his side for any reason.” I ordered. Hinata gave a firm nod and leaped sideways until she was in front of Tazuna, in a Gentle Fist stance. When I turned to face Zabuza again, he did not look amused.

 “Oh... did she ruin your little scheme?” I asked innocently, pressing an index finger to the corner of my mouth like a slut trying to act cute.

 That did it, I could practically hear Peachy's patience snap. He snarled and charged at me, “Shut up!”

 I laughed as I jumped away from him, “Looks like you underestimated my brats, Peach-boy. Sasuke and Hinata are clan kids and having been training with their families since they could hold a kunai right.” I ducked under Peachy's swing and shot my left leg out for a round house kick. Zabuza launched into the air to avoid my leg and I pulled back before he could land on it. “Sasuke is the best in his class and no one can defeat Hinata in taijutsu. She's a Hyuuga after all, it's in her blood.” I taunted as I back flipped away from the Kubikiribōchō.

 Skidding to a halt a few feet away from Peaches I smirked, “And what have you got? A coward with a nice Kekke Genkai. Well, I've got two brats with Kekke Genkai and neither of them are cowards!”

 Zabuza's face twisted unpleasantly, “Haku, stop goofing around and kill that pest!” He barked out, his gaze darting over his shoulder to where the ice mirrors stood. Haku didn't respond, but only started throwing more senbons at Sasuke at a more rapid pace than before; I tried not to flinch when I heard Sasuke cry out. Peachy looked back at me, his gaze deadlier than before, “That big mouth of yours is going to get your brats killed, Uchiha.”

 I only smiled, “I'm confident they can handle one little brat, even one as powerful as yours. Besides, you forgot something.” Peach-boy stiffened as it dawned on him that Naruto had yet to appear. My smile twisted into a sneer, “You know, I think my last student deserves to be called the 'Stupidly Brave Shinobi of Konoha' more than I do. After all, not many genin are brave enough to fight someone like you, Peach-boy, let alone get the better of you.”

 As if planned there was a puff of smoke to the right of Haku's mirrors. Naruto's voice drifted from the white billowing vapors, “I resent that, Frizzy-sensei! Call me the 'Fearless Shinobi of Konoha'! That's right, Uzumaki Naruto is here!” My eye only twitched a little at the nickname. I'd let it slide this one time.

 Peach-boy blinked slowly at Naruto then looked at me, “You think some brat like him can do anything?”

 I shrugged, “Why not? It was a dead-last like Naruto who helped turn the last shinobi war back in Konoha's favor.” I responded coolly. I should know, Obito was the idiot I was talking about. “I feel Naruto can do the same with this little spat we have. Dead-last shinobi have a tendency to surprise people.” Naruto took a second to gawk at me, not use to my free praise. All I could say was he had better back up my claims or I was going to murder the little sucker.

 Naruto got a really big grin on his face, “You know how the hero always shows up at the last minute and kicks butt? Well that's what I'm going to do, right now! So don't you worry sensei, you can just sit back and watch me beat these guys!”

 I facepalmed.

 The blonde idiot ignored me, “Alright, you're history!” He formed a sign, “Shadow Clone Jutsu!” But before Naruto could form a single clone, Zabuza twisted around and threw a handful of shuriken at him. Like with the Demon Brothers, Naruto's first reaction was the freeze in fear.

 “Move Naruto!” I yelled, my heart in my throat as I watched the throwing stars head for my frozen student. I wouldn't be able to get there in time to stop them, not even my hawks surrounding the bridge would be able to grab the shuriken in time.

 Out of no where, senbon needles collided with the shuriken and knocked them off course. I jerked in surprise and twisted to stare at Haku half leaning out of his mirrors, still in the position of someone who had just thrown something. Zabuza narrowed his eyes at his ally.

 Now that he was out of danger, I felt it safe to yell at Naruto, “You imbecile! This is a real battle not a stupid spar; a shinobi's lifestyle is deception, not a damn talent show! Always keep your enemy guessing, be unpredictable so they can't figure out how to defeat you. So get your head outta your ass and think before someone makes a dartboard out of you!”

 Naruto turned about as red as Hinata did when Naruto got within ten feet of her. He started yelling apologies, but I ignored him to glance at Haku. Everyone else seemed to think that Haku had thrown senbon at Naruto at the same time Zabuza did and their attacks ended up colliding; but I knew better. One look at my cousin-turned-porcupine told me that Haku did not miss his targets. Which could only mean... he meant to throw those shuriken off track.

 The question was why.

 Peach-boy seemed to be thinking the same thing I was, “Haku, what are you doing?” Peachy demanded. His tone was dangerous and angry, he was pissed at Haku for disturbing his attack. In Zabuza's state of mind at the moment, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he attacked his own ally out of anger.

 One could only hope.

 Haku straightened out of his position and dipped his head towards Peaches, “Zabuza-sama, let me fight this boy in my own way... please.” The brat rasped. Mildly I wondered if all Kiri nins had that smoker rasp, or if it was just these two idiots.

 Naruto glared at the masked boy, “Bring. It. On.” He challenged before I could tell him to not be stupid. I suppressed the urge to hang my head in defeat at the stupidity of the blonde brat and wondered if he knew how powerful Haku was. Sasuke was hardly a match for the nuke-nin, what chance did Naruto have against him?!

 Zabuza chuckled, “As usual you're too soft, Haku. Fine, if that is what you wish.” Soft? What part of that masked brat was...

 I glanced at Sasuke. He was injured but not too bad, nothing that would cause any lasting damage. So either Haku was very sadistic and liked to play with his enemies; or he was soft as Zabuza said and wasn't trying to hurt Sasuke, just stall him. Still, knowing Naruto, he'd piss Haku off enough that the nuke-nin would tear him to shreds. I started to take a step forward to intervene before things got worse, but Peaches blocked my path.

 “Don't even think about it.” Oddly enough, Peachy sounded amused. “You know what will happen if you take on Haku. I'll go after the bridge builder and that little girl.” I stiffened and looked to the left where Tazuna and Hinata stood. There was no way that I would be able to end Haku and protect those two at the same time. Against a long sword like the Kubikiribōchō, Hinata's taijutsu was useless; and without me guiding my hawk summons they couldn't do shit but sit there and look pretty. I supposed I could summon a larger hawk to deal with Zabuza while I took out Haku, but that would cut down on my chakra and possibly put me in a dangerous position.

 Damn.

 Zabuza seemed to know I was in a bind, he smirked underneath those bandages, “Relax, Uchiha. Lets see how our students do... one on one.” I gave him an Uchiha Glare, but he wasn't even paying attention to me. I didn't dare attack, he might not be looking at me, but I know the Peach Bastard was still prepared to fight me. Only an idiot would think otherwise.

 Apparently Sasuke was an idiot.

 While Haku was talking to Naruto, a kunai came flying out of the ice prison that held Sasuke. Haku easily dodged the knife and looked at my cousin, “Don't think I forgot about you, not for an instant.” The masked nuke-nin tilted his head a little, “Some warriors accept defeat gracefully, they know when they are beaten...” Oh great, know I was going to have two idiots who couldn't think straight, “Others do not. So be it, let us finish our battle then.”

 I couldn't help but groan quietly as Haku reentered his mirrors. Zabuza actually snorted and gave me an amused look as if we weren't enemies fighting to the death but two people just watching our students spar. I shot him a brief glare and looked away. I refused to think Peaches was anyone else but my enemy.

 It was torture having to watch my cousin practically being torn to shreds by multiple attacks coming from all the mirrors. With my sharingan I could pick up the real Haku and how he jumped from mirror to mirror to keep the element of surprise. The little pest was fast, even with my sharingan I could just barely pick up his movements as he flashed between the mirrors. But I still didn't know how the mirrors worked.

 “Sasuke, Naruto think! You have to attack the mirrors from the inside and outside at the same time to figure out how they work!” I yelled. Naruto's face brightened with an idea and there was a poof and...

 He was gone.

 It was only when Sasuke started yelling did I realize where he went. My eye twitched and I glanced at Zabuza. The nuke-nin looked like he was on the verge of laughing, I was almost tempted to tell him that I was disowning Naruto as my student after a stunt like that.

 “Katon: Phoenix Sage Jutsu!” Sasuke yelled out and there was a brief glow of orange that surrounded the multiple mirrors at various angles, but none of them melted.

 I could hear the amusement in Haku's voice when he said, “You'll need more firepower than that to melt this ice.” I stiffened slightly. More firepower? I could easily do that, but...

 Peaches smirked at me, easily reading my mind, “If you melt the mirrors you'll incinerate your students. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?” He asked. I shot him a nasty look and mildly wondered why he hadn't attacked yet. Peach-boy didn't have a problem earlier, was he just stalling then to get to this point and showcase his student? He had been hired to take out my client, not show off his student's prowess.

 Once again my suspicions of his involvement with the Mist Rebels surfaced. I eyed the man, trying to figure out his game. I doubted that he was ever fighting me seriously. All he had done was send water clones and swing that big ass sword around. Zabuza had been part of the Seven Swordsmen of Kirigakure, he had gotten the position by being a master of kenjutsu. So far Zabuza had been attacking as if the Kubikiribōchō was just a piece of metal to be swung around and not a great sword.

 Of course it was always possible that he was downplaying his abilities to keep the element of surprise; I had been doing the same by only dodging Zabuza's sword and tossing kunai around when I got the opening. But it just didn't fit Peachy's personality to use deception when he had the opportunity to strike. I glanced at the ice prison as Haku bounded from mirror to mirror, raining senbon down on Sasuke and Naruto. Haku was the same. I knew that that jutsu was meant to trap and destroy an opponent. The positioning of the mirrors and the pure speed of Haku proved that point easily enough. So why weren't my students dead yet? From what I had gathered on Haku, I knew he wasn't the sick twisted kind of shinobi that enjoyed toying with their victims. Not even Zabuza was that way. Zabuza's way of killing was quick, painless, and silent; leaving any survivors baffled and frightened of the Demon of the Mist.

 Naruto's yelling stopped my musing, “I won't quit! Not ever, I'm going to survive and become Hokage because that is my dream!” I didn't know if I should be proud that he still wasn't giving up even after that downpour of needles or still embarrassed that he had gotten himself into that mess.

 What Haku responded with surprised me, “I didn't want to be a shinobi, it's painful. I don't want to kill you, but if you come closer I will have no choice.” What? “I will kill the kindness in my own heart and fully embrace the shinobi way. This bridge will the battlefield where our dreams collide. I will fight for my dream, just as you fight for yours. Please do not blame me, I fight for someone who is precious to me. I live for him and I will face death for him so that his dream will become reality. That is my dream, and for the sake of that dream, if I must I will act as a shinobi and take your lives!”

 I bowed my head and glanced at the silent Zabuza. It was obvious that Haku was referring to Peach-boy, but why? What did Zabuza do that made the kid so loyal to him? And furthermore, just what was Zabuza's dream? The more I listened to Haku, the more reluctant I was to kill the kid, but if he got in the way of my mission then I would cut him and Zabuza down.

 Peaches shot me a haughty glance, “Tell me Uchiha, does that wimpy village of yours still avoid the most important rule of being a shinobi?” He asked as if he were genuinely curious.

 I only started at him in silence. It was a loaded question, so I saw no need in wasting my breath with an answer that was already obvious.

 Peach-boy cackled like a madman, “I wonder what your precious little Hokage will say when you come back with two bodies instead of three live genin... if you survive that is.” I heard Tazuna inhale sharply as it dawned on him just how outnumbered the genin truly were. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see how Hinata was holding up to the news of her possible death.

 Not too well.

 Zabuza followed my gaze, “She's going to faint.” He observed in a tone that could only be amusement. He looked back at me, “How is it that you ended up with three incompetent brats? You're supposed to be an A-class kunoichi, and yet here you are... babysitting.”

 “Hn.” I grunted. That insult was so pathetic I knew I would lose brain cells just by answering it. One would think that the Bloody Mist would pencil in a trash talk class right after their academy students learned how to gut a helpless victim. At least so they wouldn't kill their opponents from the lame insults flying around.

 Unless... that was their stupid plan all along.

 The damn man didn't shut up though, “Falling back on the Uchiha customary response? How unlike you.” Great now he was adding sarcasm to the list. My eye twitched and I came close to planting my fist in his stupid, bandaged face if only to shut him up; but I somehow refrained... for now. “It must goad you that your precious Hokage would dump a bunch of brats on you. It's such a waste of your skills, chasing after three brats like you're their nanny while shinobi weaker than you take over your missions.” Peachy continued on, not even bothering to see if he was really insulting me or not.

 Finally I got fed up, “Your insults are pathetic. Even my pacifist cousin can talk trash better than you.” I deadpanned. Peachy didn't even have the decency to look offended. He only smirked at me from underneath his bandages.

 I reached into my weapons pouch and brought out a fan. Snapping it open I began lightly fanning myself like a geisha would. I even fluttered my eyelashes at Peaches, “Let's get this over with, ne? I want to leave by dusk.” I simpered like a primping airhead and reactivated my sharingan, having had deactivated it once I realized I would never figure out Haku's jutsu with my eyes.

 Zabuza jerked his gaze away from my sharingan and he reached back into his own kunai pouch. As he charged at me, I made a sweeping motion with my arm so that my fan cut through the air like a blade. When he came into my range, I thumbed the little lever on the handle and fourteen senbon needles shot out of the fan's ribs. Unfortunately due to the large curve of the fan's edge, only five senbons were heading directly at Peaches. He easily knocked them away with his two bladed kunai and jumped back.

 I snapped the fan shut and pointed it at him, “Lesson number one of kunoichi tactics: Everything can be a weapon.” I depressed another button on the bamboo frame of the fan and a three inch blade shot out of the little slot that was embedded into the fan, just to prove my point. Zabuza did not looked very pleased with my Fan of Wonders–as Obito called it.

 In fact, I could swear he was pouting.

 “This won't be like last time, Peach-boy.” I promised him, my smirk melting away to be replaced with the expressionless mask every shinobi seemed to have.

 The bandaged nuke-nin seemed to have stolen my smirk, “You're correct, because this time even if you do defeat me, you have no chance against Haku. When I found him he was just a street rat, but I trained him in the most advanced techniques. I taught him everything I know, and with that Kekke Genkai of his, soon he was able to take on dangerous enemies. Even outnumbered and in total darkness, he could strike with perfect accuracy. He cared nothing for his own life, or the lives of others. Haku became a unique fighting machine, a shinobi. In the end even he surpassed me, with that Kekke Genkai of his nothing can defeat it! I've created a tool that can destroy anyone who stands in my way, unlike those useless brats that follow you around like little lost puppies!”

 I grimaced in disgust at the man before me. Then I glanced over his shoulder at the prison of ice mirrors where the shouts of pain from Naruto and Sasuke were still originating. When I head heard Haku's speech I was ready to put an end to the battle peacefully, just to save the kid the pain of losing his precious person. Now I was ready to roast the fool who dared take advantage of loyalty like that.

 Zabuza laughed as he looked back at the ice mirrors with a crazed look in his eyes, “You think those punks can defeat Haku? He's the ultimate battle tool of destruction!”

 “Would ya shut up already? Geez you sound worse than my uncle when he's talking about Itachi!” I snapped, getting irritated with this 'Haku is so great! You can never defeat him!' bullshit. Was Zabuza Haku's fangirl or senpai?!

 Zabuza didn't understand the reference, so he wasn't offended. Though I had now doubt he would be throwing a temper tantrum if he knew how Fugaku was when he was bragging about my cousin. “Fine, but there is one more thing you should know.” I raised an eyebrow and decided to humor him, not that he needed any encouragement, “Did you really think our last battle was just win or lose? Haku had been watching the whole time, watching every move your made with that sharingan of yours. Haku can see a move once and immediately devise a counterattack; it's one of his... gifts. I've been waiting to see the look on your pretty face when you realize that your sharingan has become worthless!”

 I kept my face blank just to annoy him.

 Zabuza held up two fingers, “Suiton: Hidden Mist Jutsu!”

 Deja vu, anyone?

 The thin mist that had already layered the air thickened to the point of no visibility. I cursed, my sharingan eyes darting to pick up the slighted movement in the mist; but all I could see was Hinata and Tazuna fidgeting around, looking left and right for a thin spot in the thick mist. I pinned Hinata with a look. She was twitching nervously and shaking in fear, “Hinata, stay with Tazuna. Don't leave his side for any reason.” I ordered her in a sharp tone. The Hyuuga girl seemed to get over her fear at the order and nodded firmly before shifting from an offensive to a defensive taijutsu stance. I had noticed over the weeks that she seemed to lose her cowardice when given a direct order. Hopefully she would stand by it even if I went down.

 Shuriken came out of no where and I easily batted them away with my closed fan. I took a cautious step in the direction the throwing stars had come from but stopped and twisted around when I felt Zabuza's chakra behind me. I blinked when I saw that his eyes were closed. Was he trying to prevent looking into my sharingan or was it another reason entirely? I frowned when he started to speak.

 “Next time you see me, will be the last time you see anything.” Okay, for Peach-boy, that wasn't a half bad attempt to be intimidating; but still... even goofy Shisui still beat him by a mile. Of course, goofy Shisui happened to be pretty terrifying when someone did the impossible and actually pissed him off, but that was irrelevant. “Without your sharingan, you're nothing.” Zabuza rasped and then disappeared again before I could attack. I twitched in annoyance. If this was just going to be a hit-and-run tactic I was going to murder someone.

 Preferably Peaches; but I would take Tazuna for putting me in this mess in the first place too.

 Fine. If he wanted to play this game, then I would just pull and Uchiha Tactic straight from the Book of Bullshit and own his sorry ass before he could sneeze. I ran through the appropriate hand signs and slammed my palms together with a loud clap, “Fūton: Gale Palm!” In a large ejection of wind oriented chakra, I managed to disperse most of the mist thinning it out enough that I could see Zabuza's faint outline several paces to my right. I turned to face the outline and began a new set of hand signs, “Katon: Great Fireball Jutsu!” I shouted and sent a steady stream of fire at Zabuza.

 I grinned when Zabuza had to leap out of the mist and into my sight, just like I wanted, “I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part. You left to quickly. Something about me being without my sharingan...?” I said teasingly. Boy, did Peaches look pissed off.

 Somehow that set off a monologue of how Peach-boy had figured out the secret behind the sharingan. I almost started nodding off when he started explaining the piercing eye and the hypnotic eye and how I had used them in battle. Seriously, what was with this guy and explaining things to invisible audiences? Was he so enamored with his own smoker voice that he liked making long winded speeches over obvious things?!

 That would explain a lot of things, actually.

 After he finished lecturing me about things I had grown up knowing, he started talking about his 'ultimate plan to win the day'. Finally I gave up pretending to listen and groaned loudly, “Oh. My. Kami. SHUT UP! At least try to make it harder on me by not explaining your stupid little plan. Dear Lord, do I need to give you the 'a shinobi's lifestyle is deception' lecture I gave Naruto too?!”

 There was a beat of silence when even Haku stopped fighting Naruto and Sasuke, before Zabuza's annoying raspy voice spoke again, “Fine. I just won't give you a sporting chance.” If that was what he called a 'sporting chance' I would gladly go without, if only to keep my ears from bleeding.

 In the back of my mind I wondered who could out talk the other: the Hokage or Peaches.

 The fighting between the three boys resumed with vigor, but something was different about it. I could hear Sasuke using the fireball jutsu as well, which was strange. Didn't he already try to melt the ice and figure out that it didn't work? What could those two idiots possibly be up to? I risked a glance in their direction, hoping that it might shed some light on their plan.

 “Pay attention to your own fight!” Zabuza roared and I snapped my head around with a gasp just in time to feel his foot connect with my jawline. There was a dull crunch and I tasted the sharp coppery twang of blood flooding my mouth; seconds later a wave of pain bloomed from my jaw, momentarily causing my mind to blank. I landed in a heap on the ground, my jaw throbbing painfully. I reached up to cradle it and winced when my hand grazed against the bruising area. The bone was cracked at the very least.

 High killer intent brought my head up and my eyes widened when I saw Zabuza descending from the air, the Kubikiribōchō raised over his head and positioned to bisect me at the waist. Scrambling, I twisted to the side and got my feet under me just as the long blade dug into the ground almost three inches deep. I winced and tried not to imagine what would have happened to be had I been any slower.

 I was really starting to regret pissing Peaches off.

 The Kiri nuke-nin yanked his big ass sword out of the ground and turned towards me, a deranged look in his eyes. “Seems I finally succeeded in shutting up the Uchiha with the runaway mouth. Now to make it permanent.” I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the lame trash talk. This guy was truly pathetic when it came to being intimidating. I was starting to think that awkward Iruka could be more terrifying than this guy. The chunnin might be terrifying to kids, but he was just a socially awkward wimp when it came to adults.

 Peachy disappeared.

 I stiffened and looked around, trying to discern any chakra signal with either my sharingan or my sensory abilities. I swallowed a mouthful of blood, trying not to gag at the overbearing taste of copper, and ran through my options. While the wind jutsu had momentarily cleared the mist, it was back in full force, once again hindering my line of vision. Sight was out, I could deal with that. Peaches was a master of the silent killing technique; he could enter a crowd full of people, kill one person, and be gone before that person even hit the ground–all the while not making a smidgen of noise. That mean I could not hear Zabuza's attacks either and if I did it was probably a distraction. Still I could manage without hearing too.

 That left my sensing abilities and scent. I wasn't a tracker and I was no where near as good at olfactory perception as Kakashi or the Inuzuka clan, but I still had a sharp nose. However, the problem with that was my sense of smell was being overridden by the smell of my blood still filling my mouth. My chances of predicting Peaches next attack were starting to slim down. My chakra sensing abilities weren't the best, it was mostly just raw talent, but I still should be able to pick out Zabuza's large chakra source in the thick mist he had created. It would be like trying to pick out the early morning sun in a thick fog, but it was still doable. Unless Peach-boy suppressed his chakra, I should be able to sense him.

 I closed my eyes and concentrated on spanning my awareness about the bridge. I could feel the chakra of the three boys flitting around inside the ice prison, which appeared to be a thin dome of Haku's chakra, and I could pick out Hinata's still relatively high chakra reserves right in front of Tazuna's stunted civilian level chakra. Wait.

 Hinata.

 Damn it! I had a Hyuuga with me the whole time and I was too caught up in my ego to even think about asking her for help. There wasn't anything that could hide from the Byakugan! And now, I couldn't talk because of my cracked jawbone. Growling deep in my throat I was about to shunshin to Hinata and signal what I needed in my rusty genin hand signs, when the object I was looking for appeared.

 Right where I didn't want it.

  Chapter 13: Reassuring Brats is Such a Drag

“W-where's N-N-N-Na-Naruto-kun?” Hinata asked the next day as she came down for breakfast. I ignored the conversation as I absentmindedly went over my supply of weapons. My instincts were telling me that the final battle between my team and Zabuza was approaching fast. I wouldn't be unprepared this time, I was going to make sure I was as prepared as I could be with my limited resources. I sighed through my nose and wished that the Land of Waves had a weapons shop of some sort. I had gone as far as whittling down sticks I gathered in the woods into makeshift senbon needles.

 There was no way in hell I was going to lose this fight.

 Tsunami's worried voice brought me back to reality, “Well I hope he's alright. A child shouldn't spend the night out in the woods alone.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I reattached my weapons pouch to my hip. Civilians would forever think that a child was a child and not a ninja, no matter what we did to convince them otherwise.

 “I wouldn't worry.” Everyone turned to look at me. I found it amusing that there were sparks of anger in the eyes of the two genin present. It was especially funny coming from Hinata. I shrugged, “Naruto is an immature brat, but he's still a genin. He'll be fine...” A smirk crawled up the corner of my mouth, “Although, he could be dead from chakra exhaustion. He's an idiot for practicing that jutsu day in and day out.”

 Hinata squeaked in fear and daintily covered her mouth with her hands. “S-sensei, you d-d-don't th-think that he–” She didn't finish her thought, as if she was afraid that if she said Naruto was dead it would be true.

 Sasuke hummed to himself, “Sensei is probably right. That dobe is probably dead somewhere.” I mentally grinned evilly as I filed away the quote for future blackmail against Sasuke. If Mikoto ever found out that Sasuke was being rude to Kushina-san's child, my aunt would hang Sasuke by his toenails and proceed to skin him alive.

 Duckass stood suddenly and started to walk away, “I'm going for a walk.” He said nonchalantly as he stuffed his hands into his shorts' pockets.

 I grinned at my cousin as he passed me, “Say hi to your boyfriend for me when you find him!” I called teasingly. Sasuke actually snarled when he glared at me and I laughed with true delight. I swear teasing Sasuke was almost as fun as it had was to tease Kakashi-nii.

 Actually teasing the duckass was more fun because he didn't throw kunais at me.

 Or tell Shisui where I was at any given time.

 The door clicked shut behind Sasuke and I immediately stood up, “Let's go Hinata, you're turn for practice.” I didn't miss Hinata's flinch, but I ignored it. Now was not the time for personal issues, we were about to have a fight on our hands.

 Hinata followed me quietly until we reached the clearing I had in mind to use as Hinata's training ground. I sat down in the middle of the clearing and closed my eyes, “Alright, go out in the woods for a bit and try to sneak back here. I'll tell you if I hear you or not.”

 She didn't move.

 I waited for a moment longer before cracking an eye open. Hinata stood there, still in her strangely defiant mood. If not for the blush on her cheeks or the nervous way she twiddled her fingers, I would have said she was glaring at me. I guess I wasn't getting out of this easily.

 “Look,” I started as I leaned back on my hands and closed my eye again, “it's my job as your sensei to prepare you for the world. I won't apologize for seeming a little harsh; to me Naruto, Sasuke and you are all adults so I won't coddle you. If you can't handle it, then resign from your career as a kunoichi and find a less stressful job.” I opened my other eye to pin the quiet Hyuuga heiress with a serious look, “Otherwise, start practicing.”

 Hinata was quiet for a long time. She just stood in her place, staring at me. I held her gaze. Hinata may be a shy child who stuttered a lot, but I could tell by her eyes that gaining her respect would be a challenge for anyone, and once the had it she would never stop respecting them no matter what they did. I knew that her philosophy came from her clan, so I would respect her beliefs, however much they differed from the Uchiha clan.

 Finally the little girl bowed deeply, as one would to a highly respected elder, and ran off into the woods. I smiled, I was actually starting to enjoy this jounin sensei gig... well at least with Hinata.

 The two boys were still annoying.

 When I was could no longer feel Hinata's chakra signature, I pulled a blank scroll out of my weapons pouch and opened it. Setting it down in front of me, the tip of my foot resting on the edge to keep the scroll from rolling back up, I took out my fan I used for wind ninjutsu and unfurled it. I felt along the fan's edge for the rib that was just slightly larger than the others. Hooking my fingernail under the tiny lip at the top, I pulled out my field brush then I flipped the fan over so I could feel along the base for the compartment that held a block of compressed and died ink.

 With all my supplies laid out I proceeded to make the ink. Scratching off a good bit of the powdered ink into the large thumb indent on my fan that doubled as an ink pot, I spat saliva until the ink was smooth and thin enough for writing. Carefully, to avoid spilling my hard won ink, I set the fan down by my leg and dipped the brush into the ink. Leaning closer to the blank scroll I began the emergency report.

 'Red Update

 Mission status: C-rank updated to A-rank

 Team: Genin Team 7

 Report: Three days out of Konohagakure, Team had encountered two chunnin level nuke-nin known as the 'Demon Brothers'. Minimal injuries. The nuke-nin were taken out by Team Leader with a minor AoE genjutsu. Client confessed to requesting a B-rank level Mission under the rank C. Team decision made to deliver Client safely to Destination and abort the Mission. En route to Destination, Team encountered A-class nuke-nin known as Momochi Zabuza. Presumed Alive with Unknown Ally. Team Leader mildly injured: Chakra Exhaustion. Political tension. Gang trouble caused by man named Gatou. Team has made unanimous decision to remain at Destination until problems are resolved.'

 After the ink dried I rolled the scroll back up and drew three bands around the outside, marking the information as High Priority information. Setting aside the scroll I twirled my brush around and used the sharp end of it to stab my thumb. Quickly I made the hand signs and slammed my palm to the ground, “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”

 A small puff of smoke and a small brown hawk stood there, her head cocked to the side as she stared at me with one sharp yellow eye, “Yanagi-sama? You have use of me?” The hawk summon questioned in her smooth silky voice.

 I picked up the scroll and presented it to her, “Take this to the Hokage in Konohagakure, fast.” The hawk jumped into the air and grabbed the scroll in her talons. I bowed my head in thanks and the hawk was gone so quickly she was nothing but a speck in the sky within a minute. Breathing in relief I knew the scroll would reach Konoha withing two days. All my hawk summons were naturally fast; but Izon was the fastest of the group, I could rely on her.

 As I finished wiping the ink out of my fan's thumb imprint, I called out, “I know you're there. Go back and try again.” There was a moment of silence before I could feel Hinata's chakra starting to move away from me again. For her to get within 50 meters of me without my noticing was a feat; maybe I underestimated the Hyuuga girl.

 vvv 3rd Person~ Sasuke vvv

 Sasuke found Naruto alright, talking to some weird androgynous boy. The Uchiha boy didn't know if he should be amused that Naruto thought the boy was a girl, or annoyed that the loser was blabbing to a complete stranger about shinobi matters. He was leaning towards annoyed. Sasuke wasn't dumb, that boy down there with Naruto wasn't some innocent civilian boy. Having grown up in a ninja clan, Sasuke could spot the small telltale signs of a trained shinobi and that boy was definitely a shinobi of some sort. Why he was bothering Naruto... that was the question.

 Sasuke knew enough espionage to know that one should never be discovered loitering around. When it was clear that the strange boy was getting ready to leave, Sasuke ducked back a few yards and began slowly walking back towards the pair. He tucked his hands in his pockets and made a casual show of looking around; when the boy turned around Sasuke pretended that the movement caught his attention and picked up his pace, his dark eyes solely on Naruto. Sasuke glanced up at the strange boy passed him, just a false curious glance, before returning his gaze on the confused blonde.

 Only when the boy was far behind him did Sasuke pause and glance back. He knew that subtle tension anywhere, he had seen it in his father, Itachi-nii, Shisui, even Kaa-chan. Almost every adult he had ever come across in the clan had that same invisible aura of caution that seemed to run in their blood. There was no mistaking it now: that boy was a shinobi. And from his careful avoidance of Sasuke, the navy haired Uchiha  also knew that the boy wasn't an ally.

 Yanagi-sensei was going to be pissed if she knew there was a possible third-party of ill intent; but she would be even more pissed off if Sasuke didn't warn her of the possibility. Sasuke couldn't help but sigh a little, never had he understood why Shikamaru was always babbling about troublesome women until now.

 To take out his frustration, Sasuke bashed Naruto on the head. The loser automatically started snapping at Sasuke, both his hands raising to cradle his poor abused head, “Hey what was that for?!”

 Sasuke crossed his arms, “Hey, loser, did you forget about breakfast?”

 The blonde idiot blinked a few times before giving Sasuke his signature cheesy grin and chuckling obnoxiously. Sasuke made a disgusted sound and pulled a face, knowing he wouldn't like whatever this idiot just did. He was starting to understand why Yanagi was always so grouchy; if Naruto was anything like Obito-itoko then Sasuke's respect for his female cousin just raised a few pegs.

 Naruto's grin grew until it took up one-third of his face and he jerked his thumb towards him with a large wink, “Just wait til you see what I mastered last night! Frizzy-sensei is going to be so impressed!” With that the blonde idiot leapt to his feet and took out the much battered fan that Yanagi-sensei had loaned to him.

 Sasuke mentally groaned. Yanagi was going to murder his teammate for destroying one of her weapons.

 vvv Normal POV vvv

 Bam!

 “Jounin-san! Don't do that!” Tsunami squeaked in alarm when I banged my head against the table. I only responded by repeating my action, just to annoy her. Damn it damn it damn it! I didn't need any more complications! I needed a nice, straight-forward battle to the death with the Demon of the Mist; I didn't need some secretive little bastard trying to throw a stupid plot twist into this! Especially not with three genin to watch over. I was going to have a hard enough time keeping the brats alive while fighting Peaches, having a secondary opponent was going to be next to impossible!

 Just kill me now, please.

 “Er... Yanagi-sensei...” My head snapped up and I pinned Naruto with a deadly glare. He immediately went white and visibly shivered. Both Hinata and Sasuke edged away from the little brat, knowing that all hell was about to break loose.

 I lifted a hand and jabbed my index finger in Naruto's direction, “You.” I hissed, my voice so cold I was almost surprised that I couldn't see my breath, “You had better start recalling that conversation you had with that bastard. Every. Word. Or. Else.”

 Naruto chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck, “Uh... Okay... I woke up and I saw this guy sitting there, only I thought she was a girl and-” He fell silent. The Kyuubi brat's breathing started to quicken. It was obvious that he couldn't recall the conversation to save his life, which was truly on the line at the moment. His blue eyes darted to Sasuke in a panic, trying to seek out help. My cousin only looked away from his teammate, obviously not wanting to get in the crossfire.

 My eyes landed on Sasuke, he wasn't going to get out of this. “If you have information, share. Don't withhold information simply because you're too scared of your own sensei.” I snapped.

 I might not have interacted much with my cousin before I became his sensei, but I knew how to push his buttons long before I met him. I made a point in knowing ever single weak point in all my clansmen, both physical and mental. Sasuke wasn't one of the only Uchiha who didn't like being called a coward, but he was the most irrational when someone did. Sasuke was very easy to manipulate. Having a father like Fugaku did wonders; you would either end up as unbreakable and unpredictable like Itachi or basically a pawn like Sasuke.

 As predicted, Sasuke stiffened and turned to glare at me. I kept my expression blank so he wouldn't see the victory in my onyx eyes. This boy was even more easy to manipulate than Obito, which was saying something.

 I closed my eyes, “Stop glaring and start blabbing.” I said to both the boys. Leaning back against the wall by the doorway, I closed my eyes as I began memorizing whatever came out of their mouths. Both were amateurs when it came to relaying information, but I could work with that. In the back of my mind, I added reporting in a concise manner and memorization at the blink of an eye to the already long list of what I needed to teach my brats.

 If we survived this stupid mission that is.

 “What does it matter?!” All conversation stopped when Inari screeched in that whiny voice of his. My eyebrow twitched in irritation, this kid was really pushing it. My already endless patience was coming to an end and someone was going to get hurt soon.

 Everyone looked to see the littlest brat standing at the doorway beside me, his childish eyes wet with unshed tears, “You're all going to die anyway! Gatou has a whole army, they'll just beat you and kill you. You're only wasting your-OW!” Inari fell over on his butt with his strange little hat flying off.

 Everyone twisted to give me various looks of surprise and anger. I only cracked my knuckles and shook my hand, “Such a hard head, that actually hurt.” I grumbled to myself. And I thought Naruto had a hard head, but he had nothing on Inari.

 “Jounin-san!” Tsunami cried out in alarm and anger. I had punched her child after all, any decent mother would be upset; even if her brat was asking for it. I wouldn't be surprised if she kicked the team out because of what I did.

 Still, I had to set this doom and gloom brat right. I set a cold gaze on Inari, who shivered and whimpered. The little coward. I hit Naruto harder than that and he never acted any different. “Never tell a ninja that their career is a wasted time. And stop sniveling, it's silly and childish.”

 Inari was very close to tears by then, “You don't know anything!” He wailed, “You don't know anything about this country, you're just butting in! All of you are just laughing and playing around, you don't know what it's like to be treated like trash!” I was positive that every member of Team 7 stiffened at that comment. We all had sob stories that were worse than Inari's and we knew it.

 Naruto cut in before I could even open my mouth, “Oh yeah? Listen to yourself whining like some sorry little victim.” I glanced at Naruto as my expressionless mask fell over my face, concealing any trace of emotion. First I would see how the kiddies handled it, then step in and finish up whatever was left. Naruto glared at Inari, his blue eyes full of anger and self-righteousness, “You're nothing but a coward!”

 “N-Naruto!” Hinata squeaked in a tiny voice, her pearl eyes wide with surprise. I doubt she had ever seen him so serious. Even I hadn't, and I had been put on his watch many times while I was part of the military police.

 Naruto stood up and stomped away with a growl of frustration. I watched him go silently, keeping an eye of the reactions of my other two genin brats. Hinata looked as if she wanted to go after him, but she stayed in her seat, her Hyuuga eyes trailing after Naruto's appalling orange jumpsuit. Sasuke had retreated into his own mind, keeping his expressions to himself like I was doing, but I could tell by the way his eyes followed Naruto that he was mildly concerned for his teammate. I returned my gaze to Inari to find the little brat sobbing, thick trails of tears coursing down his cheeks. He sat there for a moment, his head bowed so no one could see his eyes, before fleeing from the room like the coward he was.

 Time for me to step in.

 I waited until everyone had gone to bed before searching out the gloomy brat. Even though Inari was a civilian, he still had a chakra signal, albeit an extremely weak one, so finding him on the back porch was a piece of cake. I smirked when I found him sitting at the porch's edge, his knees up to his chest.

 “Hey twerp, got a minute?” I asked, bopping the kid on the back of the head lightly.

 Inari flinched away from me, his hands going to hold his hat in place, as his black eyes stared at me with nervous anticipation. Seeing how I nearly tried to brain him at dinner, I didn't really blame the brat. Inari quickly covered up his fear with a sharp glare that didn't belong on his young face, “What do you want?” He asked, his bravado only breaking when his question ended in a high pitched squeak.

 I took that as an invitation to sit down beside the brat, “You asked what do any of us know about suffering. It came to my attention that Naruto never answered your question, so I thought I would.” I said conversationally. Inari shifted away from me a little. I scoffed at his blatant fear of me and leaned back on my hands, my feet dangling inches above the water, “Where do I begin? Hm... well, I was raised by my brother, whom I don't really like, because my parents died before I even turned three; during the Third Shinobi War. Both Nii-san and I are practically outcasts from the clan because of some stupid reason, too. Sasuke's father constantly belittles him and says he should be more like his older brother Itachi. Hinata's father... yeesh, that guy is worse that Sasuke's dad. He actually thinks that Hinata is a waste of space because she's not the strongest in the clan. Even worse, she's the Hyuuga heiress so the expectations put on her are doubly high.”

 Inari looked more and more surprised at each passing sentence. His young face began to lighten with understanding that he wasn't the only one suffered. I met his gaze and turned serious, “Then there's Naruto. He grew up without knowing his parents too; even worse, he didn't even have friends or anyone who cared about him. At least I had my brother and his team, Naruto had no one ever. Still...” I trailed off and looked up at the low hanging moon, “I never saw him cry or give up. Not even when he completely screws over a mission, he'll still try his best to make amends. That brat wants to be respected, and he'll do anything to get it.”

 I smiled kindly at Inari, “My whole team has a bunch of sob stories and we all reacted in our own way. It's part of what makes us who we are and not your everyday idiot walking around on the streets. I guess you can cope through your losses by crying too... but won't you get tired of crying after a while? Isn't it better to be happy all the time, and loud and obnoxious?” Inari looked down at his feet, contemplating. I chuckled and laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. He didn't flinch, “If there's anyone who can possibly understand what you're going through, it's Team 7. We're here to protect your grandfather and make sure your home stays safe from Gatou. And, if I have to die for that to be a reality, then so be it. I'll gladly give my life.”

 The little boy stared at me, awe buried deep within the obsidian orbs. I snorted at his expression and moved my hand from his shoulder to wrap his neck in a playful choke hold. With my free hand I ground my knuckles into his scalp, “Eh, don't give me that look. I may be a grouchy kunoichi, but I still have a heart. I just like confusing people!” I said teasingly and for the first time since my team had arrived, I heard Inari laugh. I grinned in response as I let the kid free from my grip and leaned back again. In truth, I didn't know how to talk to people unless I was yelling at them, but for some reason this little brat managed to break the ice.

 I snorted as I closed my eyes. If Nii-san could see me know, I was sure he would die laughing.

  VVV^^^OMAKE^^^VVV

 The Curse of the Uchiha

 vvv 3rd Person vvv

 “Man, why are we always the ones called off on stupid S-ranked missions?” Obito complained as Team Minato checked in at Konoha's gate. Kakashi shot Obito an irritated look while the two chunnin guards snickered. The Uchiha gave them a sideways glance, they seemed familiar, but Obito couldn't remember their names to save his life.

 Rin giggled behind one hand and smiled fondly at Obito, “Because, Obito-kun, we're the only full team outside of the ANBU Corp that is cleared for S-ranks missions.” She explained happily. It wasn't often that Rin got called out on missions, but she loved every chance she got.

 Obito beamed at his childhood crush, “Oh yeah! I guess it's awesome to be so powerful. But still, I wish they'd give Team Minato some off time. Between the police force and missions for Konoha, I'm being worn out.”

 “Yet you somehow still manage to run your mouth.” Kakashi interjected drily.

 Immediately Obito glared at his rival/friend, “Got something to say, Baka-Kashi?!”

 “I just said it.”

 Obito pointed at Kakashi, “Stop being so cool! We're not little kids anymore!”

 Kakashi pulled out his book and opened it to his place, “You could have fooled me.” He commented. Kakashi smirked under his mask when he heard Obito gritting his teeth. Mentally he made another tally. While he refused to participate in that silly rivalry with Gai, Kakashi saw no qualms in annoying Obito.

 Both men jerked forward a little when someone hit them upside the head, and turned to Rin, who was standing behind them looking annoyed, “You're both children, now grow up and march! We've gotta report to the Hokage.” The little woman ordered. Before Kakashi or Obito could do what she asked, she grabbed her teammates by the fronts of their jounin vests and dragged them along behind her.

 Obito pouted as he struggled halfheartedly to escape Rin-chan's grip. “Rin-chaaaan! We can walk on our own, ya know!”

 “It's not the walking that's the problem, it's your bickering! Honestly, you two never quit.”

 Kakashi didn't seem all too bothered about being dragged around by a woman half his height and weight. “You don't care when it's Obito and Yanagi fighting.” He commented, still not looking up from his porn.

 Rin and Obito both shot their teammate nasty looks, but Rin was the one who spoke, “That's because they're siblings and it's none of my business. Besides I'm not constantly around Yanagi-chan. It's you two idiots I've got to deal with.”

 Kakashi muttered something under his breath that Rin couldn't catch. Obito, however, seemed to understand him and snorted in amusement. The Uchiha quickly ducked his head in shame and sheepishly looked at Rin, proving that whatever Kakashi had said wasn't very kind about her.

 Rin could sometimes understand why Yanagi was so short tempered, if these goons were the ones who raised her. Luckily for Rin, they had arrived at the Missions Office and could give their stupid report and disperse. While Rin loved her teammates like her own family, she could only take so much of them in one sitting.

 vvv

 Hiruzen groaned and rubbed his temples after the rowdy team left. He would never understand how Minato-kun stayed sane around them, especially after all the drama that had happened between the three kids during the Third Shinobi War. It was one thing to have a student supposedly die and come back months later alive and well–that happened a lot in war; but it was entirely another thing to have another student be captured by Kiri-nins and forced to be the jinchuuriki of the Sanbi.

 It was because of Team Minato that people said having an Uchiha on the team was asking for trouble. What was alarming was most of the time they were right; Team Minato, Team Shisui, ANBU Team Ro, and now apparently Team 7 all had horrible luck when it came to missions.

 Hiruzen looked at the emergency mission report he had received from Uchiha Yanagi only moments before Team Minato came barging in the Missions Assignment Office. How on earth did Team 7 manage to somehow go from a normal C-rank mission to A-rank was beyond the Hokage's understanding, even with the explanation Yanagi had given him.

 Frustrated, Hiruzen took a long drag on his pipe and read over the report again. This put him in a bind, he knew that he should send reinforcements to aid Uchiha Yanagi, but he doubted they would be reached in time. His only hope was the pray that Yanagi had the situation under control, she didn't request reinforcements which meant she could handle it.

 Hiruzen paled at the very thought of how many people would be after his hide if Yanagi's team failed to return. At the top of that list would be Obito and Kakashi. Hiruzen shuddered at the thought of facing the two top shinobi in the village.

[troofless]

Servamp Chapter 85 summary

So, if you read the raws without any context and have no idea of the predicament Kuro is in, now you do! Spoilers under the cut, but that should be obvious.

Many thanks to @svpages​ for posting the raws of Chapter 85! This chapter focuses solely on where Tsubaki is at the hospital. Yeah, that means no Mikuni vs Tsurugi or more onsen shenanigans…

Chapter starts off with Kuro carrying Mahiru towards the hospital.

Mahiru: I can see it! The hospital!

Kuro: Are you sure Tsubaki really did appear…

- Cue a giant explosion -

Kuro: …We’d better hurry.

(Cue gasp at how much character development Kuro has gone through for him, the Servamp of Sloth, to say those words.)

Cut back to Tooru and Iori facing off against new-makeover-with-abs Tsubaki.

Iori: Where’s [Sloth]?

Tooru: …He’ll be here soon…

Iori says it’s been a while since he’s fought on the frontlines, and laments The Disappearance of Touma Taishi. (Touma, where? This is the second time Iori’s mentioned Touma, Iori really wants you back LOL)

(The first time was last chapter when Iori was all, Tooru YOU’RE LATE if it was Touma he would have been here in 2 minutes, and Tooru was all, well if it was Touma he wouldn’t have come here in the first place!)

Iori mentions that 15 years ago the three of them were known as the Tokyo Branch’s strongest 3 idiots (literally 3 baka). Touma, where.

Then Tsubaki looks at Tooru and says, hmm… you… we’ve met before, haven’t we. Tooru apologises for not introducing himself at the sushi bar (way back in the early chapters of Servamp), since he was hiding his identity as a member of C3 from Mahiru back then.

Tsubaki: Shirota Mahiru’s family…

Next panel is just Tsubaki with a serial killer face: …He, too, must be grieving.

(cue the uh ohs.)

Tooru brandishes a stake not unlike Junichirou’s signature weapon, which Tsubaki comments on as familiar (having being caught in it during the Greed arc), and is Tooru the legimitate user?

Tooru: Junichirou is my chosen successor.

Tooru: The user of Mjolnir (read: this weapon), [The one who captures], Thor…

Tooru: Its predecessor is, I, Shirota Tooru! Because I’m Thor!

Tsubaki: That’s not amusing in the slightest.

Yup, you guessed it, Tooru puns on his name ‘Tooru’ and ‘Thor’ in the same fashion when he and Tsubaki met in the sushi place… To-ru dake ni na! Tanaka Strike even says they’ve been waiting for a long time (8 years) to use this one(1) gag in the manga… I’m so glad it’s finally here.

Iori stops Tsubaki momentarily with his barrier magic, apologising for Tooru’s ‘trademark bad puns’. And because new-makeover-with-abs Tsubaki is apparently an unstoppable force now, he breaks the barrier like it’s nothing. Iori stabs more keys into his arms (which activates his magic) but Tsubaki just button-mashes the slice-and-dice button and shatters them into pieces.

Iori, again, laments the disappearance of Touma. Touma, where?

Next, it’s Uncle Tooru’s turn to cast a giant magic spell. His first words are “Look at me, children of the sun.” The rest are too confusing to translate. Something about a castle, and a hero. Tsubaki tries to interrupt his spellcasting because no good demon king waits for the hero to finish casting a giant spell of mass destruction, but is blocked by Iori’s barriers.

Tooru raises his stake, and a swirl of lightning appears on its tip, and he ends the spell with: “My name is… THE THUNDER GOD.” Or the God of Thunder, whichever one you like. In Japanese, that's raijin, which also serves as the chapter’s title. Which is also a reference to Thor, the god of hammers thunder, if you didn’t catch that.

The end of the stake transforms into a giant hammer, and he slams it down on Tsubaki, shouting a fancy Japanese move name. And here’s the kicker: Because it’s Tooru, it’s full of puns too. The furigana 'Lion Reign’ is written in English, and the kanji 雷音礼印. In Japanese, separately, each kanji would read something like: rai/on/rei/in, which would sound, in Japanese, when read, like Lion Reign. Yeah. Translated to English the kanji would read thunder/sound/gratitude/stamp (like those you put on a document). Considering that he’s smashing that hammer down on Tsubaki like a rubber stamp I’d say Tanaka Strike’s choice of kanji is pretty spot-on. Tanaka Strike is a chuuni confirmed?

But of course, remember how Tsubaki got buffed up to cheat-level status? He catches Tooru’s hammer in one hand, and goes, “Oh, let me return the favour.” and stabs Tooru right in the stomach with his black katana. Smooth.

Tooru shouts for Iori to run but before he can even move Tsubaki slashes Iori in the chest as well.

Cue Mahiru and Kuro to arrive on scene. Mahiru, of course, cries, “Uncle!” and goes to his side. Kuro and Tsubaki have a glaring face-off. Mahiru keeps crying out “Uncle… Uncle Tooru…” but Tooru doesn’t reply, lying prone facedown on the ground. He’s been stabbed in the chest, after all.

Tsubaki: Hey there, nii-san.

Kuro comments on how Tsubaki’s gone too far in his mischief or something. This part’s a little unclear to me, to be honest. Tsubaki responds with ‘Is that so?’, ‘Because they’re human, they die when they are cut (the kanji for behead is used here for the word cut)’. (is this a fate reference)

Tsubaki addresses Mahiru, talking about how when you can’t save a life that’s about to die, you feel sad. Because it’s the life of a person that you treasure, you want to do something about it, right? An extremely universal and natural emotion. There’s nothing wrong with thinking that way. Right?

Tsubaki and Kuro get another face-off panel. We all know there’s a buildup. Something big is coming. And here it is:

Tsubaki: Hey, nii-san. Right now, Shirota Mahiru (furigana reads: your precious friend) is wishing for his dying family to continue to live for eternity.

“How about you bring back his uncle’s life by turning him into your subclass? He’s counting on you.”

“What will you do?”

And the caption at the side reads, “The cruelty… of Tsubaki!” Zankoku, like in A Cruel Angel’s Thesis, but I’m digressing.

…And dang, those last few lines were hard to translate. Tsubaki’s original words are more of the lines of ‘Why don’t you turn him into your subclass, and connect his life together (??? the word for ‘tie’ is used here, like string)? I’m/We’re/He’s (no subject here) relying/depending on you here…’

So, will Kuro break his vow of not making subclasses? Or will Tooru not die when he is killed and continue to live on? tfw when you bust out a super special move but the last boss takes no damage and one-shot kills you