#bad thoughts in the brain rn
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allofuswantgwinam · 1 month ago
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i’m sorry but i’m so fuckin thirsty for evil hyun su
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thekittyokat · 9 months ago
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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truly-sincerely · 1 year ago
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Obsessively reading everything in game by and about Gortash and the dude is
On a philosophical trajectory that ends in immortality thru technology / the machine
Doesn't have an original bone in his body, but he can backwards engineer anything
Halfway to being a decent scientist but doesn't have the education and is deeply impatient
Overconfident in the veracity of his own results and conclusions
Accurately predicted that the brain would metamorphose and become more difficult to control and then did nothing about it
Outsources his propaganda / arts and humanities
Charming, but he got there in a Pavlovian way (learned from trial and error and probably doesn't consciously know how he does it)
Vindictive af (learned / reinforced)
Darwinian (in the worst way)
Sociopathic, obviously, but extremely Rationalist about it
Never asks questions he doesn't know the answer to and probably thinks this makes him sound more authoritative
Completely incompetent as a strategist (but doesn't know it)
Not nearly as narcissistic / full of himself as he pretends to be
Thinks what he wants is praise but it's never enough because it's not actually what he wants (he wants to be wanted)
Bane makes him feel wanted (conditionally)
Durge made him feel wanted (unconditionally)
Understands intellectually that Durge got ambushed, but he feels abandoned
See also: thematic parallels between Gortash and
Silouv Yali (the Adamantine Forge & the construct Grym)
Oliver (in the shadow-cursed lands)
Astarion and Gale, obviously
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
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bows4tyun · 4 months ago
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get me pregnant get me pregnant get me pregnant get me pregnant please i beg you choi soobin
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padfootastic · 2 months ago
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god lesbian prongsfoot just. goes so hard
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bugsinshoes · 28 days ago
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"HEYA ROMEO"
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mangymvtt · 9 months ago
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wanna be in puppyspace so bad right now 😵‍💫
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ontosgold · 10 months ago
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I adore sun/moon ryomina dynamic... but specifically how ryoji is the moon to makoto's sun. in the way that the moon is a reflection of the sun's light. without the sun there is so moon, but also the moon brings meaning to the sun's existence...
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genericpuff · 3 months ago
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Fighting off cold and flu has always been difficult for me and it's only getting harder as I get older. I find the transitioning from being "sick in bed" back to "functioning person" can often be the hardest part, especially when it comes to congestion which can take days if not weeks to clear up, so even if I'm able to walk around, do basic tasks, etc. I'm uncomfortable the whole way through. At least when it comes to my back pain, that's something that I'm used to and can predict and accommodate; getting sick is none of those things.
What's making it even more difficult this time around, compared to every other time, is the fact that I went from being healthy and medicated to sick and unmedicated. So that transition back into "functioning" is being slowed further by my returning inability to focus, to push myself through the uncomfortable feeling of doing literally anything, to be at peace with boredom.
Every single time I want to do anything that isn't laying in bed, it's met with both "I don't know if I'm physically capable of doing that because I'm sick" and "I don't know if I'm mentally capable of doing that because I'm off my meds."
And it's incredibly exhausting.
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crow-with-a-pencil · 2 years ago
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@naffeclipse
Them ❤️
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keeps-ache · 14 days ago
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awkward way to have a convo but okay
[plain inks below cut]
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#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#a dollar and 75 cents#pose i've had stuck in my head for a hot minute with side effects like Radiation Poisoning so i have to dispel and now the effects are just#like. a little bit that way kfjsshfvh#//anyway got this all done today isn't that sick !! think you can tell from the lack of cleaned lines for some spots and the Confusing#things but yea :D#//also i meant to work on a totally different canvas than this but uhhh this happened somehow lmao#Also i Do try to do fanart sometimes i'm being so honest right now. because i think things are cool more often than i lead people to think#UT i'm super bad at staying on task so i always end up drawing completely unrelated ocs. it's like a superpower Jhfsjfvsj#This Time though i can blame the really bad brain fog though :33 i forgot. i thought. i did something else. ceaser said that i believe#//but anyway yea these two.. definitely got a thing [energetic but vague gesturing] goin on. don't like whatever it is bc it's funkin with#my brain chemicals in a jazzy way and i can't take more psychic damage from them rn dude i've already got the worse-than-usual brain fog bu#Yea hfsjfhbvhsgjf#/why isn't vernor here? because she's a well-adjusted and routinely concerned party she doesn't need the extra trauma thank you Jfsjfvbhsf#i'm gonna give her a tea party though. she's earned it#gonna be the kind with tap water and ice cube tea cakes But! it Is a tea party lmfsvhfh#//anyway Yeaaaah i'm sleepy tired now. sigh!#wanted to finish this movie i have here and then rewatch tangled but i now just want to sleep. there's to-OH tomorrow's saturday let's go#but YEA i gotta sleep. fingers crossed i do that hfshvhf#and yepyeayee Toodles !! night :3 :D
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skunkes · 5 months ago
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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lannisterdaddyissues · 7 months ago
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god why am i so fucking stupid. having adhd is truly a curse and i hate bearing it
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infpfandomgremlin · 5 months ago
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I really need Christopher to do so many disrespectful things to me rn🥴
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butchsaint · 22 days ago
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labyrinth 1986 sequel .. directed by robert eggers…. much to consider …. they should be talking about this on major news circuits i think..
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