#bad thoughts in the brain rn
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i’m sorry but i’m so fuckin thirsty for evil hyun su
#sweet home#liiiike i want the good one back for the plot#and also bc i love him#but 💀#bad thoughts in the brain rn#sinful bad things#‘what do you wanna do?’ shoot me rn#i woulda fucked him#i am not strong#idk 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭#i woulda been strong and then not strong so fast#and then back to business after the nasty 🤣🤣🤣🤣#im not even on that episode anymore and im still thinking about it lmao
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Obsessively reading everything in game by and about Gortash and the dude is
On a philosophical trajectory that ends in immortality thru technology / the machine
Doesn't have an original bone in his body, but he can backwards engineer anything
Halfway to being a decent scientist but doesn't have the education and is deeply impatient
Overconfident in the veracity of his own results and conclusions
Accurately predicted that the brain would metamorphose and become more difficult to control and then did nothing about it
Outsources his propaganda / arts and humanities
Charming, but he got there in a Pavlovian way (learned from trial and error and probably doesn't consciously know how he does it)
Vindictive af (learned / reinforced)
Darwinian (in the worst way)
Sociopathic, obviously, but extremely Rationalist about it
Never asks questions he doesn't know the answer to and probably thinks this makes him sound more authoritative
Completely incompetent as a strategist (but doesn't know it)
Not nearly as narcissistic / full of himself as he pretends to be
Thinks what he wants is praise but it's never enough because it's not actually what he wants (he wants to be wanted)
Bane makes him feel wanted (conditionally)
Durge made him feel wanted (unconditionally)
Understands intellectually that Durge got ambushed, but he feels abandoned
See also: thematic parallels between Gortash and
Silouv Yali (the Adamantine Forge & the construct Grym)
Oliver (in the shadow-cursed lands)
Astarion and Gale, obviously
#bg3#Gortash#bg3 gortash#Enver Gortash#bg3 spoilers#'The Ultimate State' reads like it was written in reaction to Durge's disappearance#Yeah if everyone's tadpoled nobody will be able to abandon you ever again#Durge's job was to do murders in Baldur's Gate#but their REAL job was to tell Gortash not to keep the brains of all of his mechanical soldiers in one location#Oliver thought Thaniel abandoned him so Oliver created new friends to play with *eyebrow waggle*#Awfully obsessed with control for someone who has absolutely no control over his current situation#I do not think that word means what you think it means#He is in for a bad time no matter what#Absolute moron (affectionate)#and after much thought pretty sure he's definitely enthralled by the elder brain rn I have a whole different post about this
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
#disability#this is a callout post about myself#i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned#turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly#i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack#(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker#and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller#and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)
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get me pregnant get me pregnant get me pregnant get me pregnant please i beg you choi soobin
#not okay right now#he needs to get me pregnant#i have such bad baby fever rn#I need a baby from choi soobin#soobin please#soobin brain rot#soobin hard thoughts#(🍈) 𝑙𝑒𝑥𝑖 𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠 !! ── .✦#(🪨) 𝑙𝑒𝑥𝑖'𝑠 𝚑𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑡𝚑𝑜𝑢𝑔𝚑𝑡𝑠 !! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ
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god lesbian prongsfoot just. goes so hard
#prongsfoot#i don’t have thoughts rn bc brain is mush#the pleasant kind#but this has been marinating in my head for a long time#since my last lesbian pf post actually lmao#i wanna write fic for it so bad#but#we’re not there yet#the marination is still very incomplete#but one day
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"HEYA ROMEO"
#hayyy guyss#back with more doodles waugh#this isnt much but its all i can muster up rn#aysel meeting Bill...... this will end Well (it won't)#this concept has been rattling around in my brain for a while#marinating if you will#it's So interesting to me#ford without the metal plate.... travelling with someone he Kind of Trusts#and bill possesses him..... and that puts the person he Trusts in Danger#and the Person doesn't know about the deal.... so its so scary#and its so scary for ford when he wakes up because this didnt used to happen but bill's possessing him Again and. this is very Bad.#i could go more in depth but. i cant do that in the tags#i have so many aysel/ford thoughts its crazy#anyways. i promise i'll work on something proper soon#but this is all i got#ok that's all thank you#art tag#oc tag#aysel del mar#stanford pines#ford pines#portal ford#ciphord#gravity falls#across the stars verse#gravity falls oc#gravity falls oc art#oc x canon#gravity falls oc x canon#ford pines x oc
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wanna be in puppyspace so bad right now 😵💫
#nsft puppy#ftm ns/fw#mlnb nsft#t4t nsft#nsft t4t#queer ns/fw#queer nsft#t4t kink#trans nsft#dumb puppy#dumb mutt#mutt.txt#mutt#mutt barks#b0nezposting#b0nezslutposting#queer puppy#puppy nsft#ftm puppy#ftm pet#trans puppy#puppyposting#puppy sub#puppyboy#puppy thoughts#puppy brained#puppypl4y#t4t puppy#bd/sm puppy#need my owner so bad rn
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I adore sun/moon ryomina dynamic... but specifically how ryoji is the moon to makoto's sun. in the way that the moon is a reflection of the sun's light. without the sun there is so moon, but also the moon brings meaning to the sun's existence...
#augh sorry brainrotting over them and i need to put my thoughts out there somewhere#they mean soooo much to me they're like my favourite version of the sun/moon ship dynamic ever#I've been listening to colour your night A Lot while working on uni work lately and yeah. yeah...#the moon's favourite little guy... who happens to be the sun he needs to catch a glimpse of what living is like on earth#also i love so much how it doesn't reflect they're personalities like you'd typically expect it to#like the outwardly gloomy and quiet sun... and the sociable and upbeat moon.... aauuhhgh yeah they're so special to me#also I've just been internally clawing at the walls lately bcs i wanna draw ryominas SO BAD but#I've been swamped in uni work lately#so this is how im getting the thoughts out of my brain rn. otherwise i feel like I'd go insane#ryomina#ontos.text
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Fighting off cold and flu has always been difficult for me and it's only getting harder as I get older. I find the transitioning from being "sick in bed" back to "functioning person" can often be the hardest part, especially when it comes to congestion which can take days if not weeks to clear up, so even if I'm able to walk around, do basic tasks, etc. I'm uncomfortable the whole way through. At least when it comes to my back pain, that's something that I'm used to and can predict and accommodate; getting sick is none of those things.
What's making it even more difficult this time around, compared to every other time, is the fact that I went from being healthy and medicated to sick and unmedicated. So that transition back into "functioning" is being slowed further by my returning inability to focus, to push myself through the uncomfortable feeling of doing literally anything, to be at peace with boredom.
Every single time I want to do anything that isn't laying in bed, it's met with both "I don't know if I'm physically capable of doing that because I'm sick" and "I don't know if I'm mentally capable of doing that because I'm off my meds."
And it's incredibly exhausting.
#self post#update#off topic#idk sorry for whining on main#my brain just. feels awful rn#part of me thought “huh i don't think being unmedicated is actually causing me issues”#but now that i'm on my third day (???) without meds i'm not feeling so sure LMAO#and for anyone wondering why i'm not taking them#it's because i have to play triage with my meds and treatment#i don't want to be stacking decongestants - some of which are designed to make me drowsy - on top of concerta which is a stimulant#this would kill the liver LMAO and also my brain would become an even bigger mess than it already is#so considering i'm on bedrest i've just decided to forgo taking my concerta meds until i don't need to be hopped up on sinus pills#then once the worst of the sick has passed and i can get by without needing pain and congestion relief i can go back on concerta#thankfully i was only on 18mg anyways so the crash isn't as bad as it would have been if i was taking stronger doses#but it still sucks and it means i'm at war both with the flu and my ADHD u.u
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@naffeclipse
Them ❤️
#HOLD ON IMMA RAMBLE IN TAGS#my ârt#fnaf daycare attendant#cryptid sightings#naffeclipse#OKOKok so maybe I got busy with school for a few weeks there and couldn't keep up#BUT last week I finally sat down and read like 6 chapters in a row#and my stars I am bouncing off the walls#naff naff listen these demon guys live in my brain#this is exactly how I got excited during sleuth jesters naff you have sorcery#good lord you know how to write tension and foreshadowing#I have theories I have thoughts but I truly just want to see all the guns placed on stage and they are about to go off I can feel it#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh their emotional conflict is killing me and ripping my heart out#they want to say something so bad but also protect the bean bc they're clearly scared and they're gonna freak out but#can they calm the heart down before it runs away?#naff I am not joking this is literally my favorite thing rn#anyway it's almost 2am have a lovely night!!!!#friend fanart#tw blood
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awkward way to have a convo but okay
[plain inks below cut]
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#a dollar and 75 cents#pose i've had stuck in my head for a hot minute with side effects like Radiation Poisoning so i have to dispel and now the effects are just#like. a little bit that way kfjsshfvh#//anyway got this all done today isn't that sick !! think you can tell from the lack of cleaned lines for some spots and the Confusing#things but yea :D#//also i meant to work on a totally different canvas than this but uhhh this happened somehow lmao#Also i Do try to do fanart sometimes i'm being so honest right now. because i think things are cool more often than i lead people to think#UT i'm super bad at staying on task so i always end up drawing completely unrelated ocs. it's like a superpower Jhfsjfvsj#This Time though i can blame the really bad brain fog though :33 i forgot. i thought. i did something else. ceaser said that i believe#//but anyway yea these two.. definitely got a thing [energetic but vague gesturing] goin on. don't like whatever it is bc it's funkin with#my brain chemicals in a jazzy way and i can't take more psychic damage from them rn dude i've already got the worse-than-usual brain fog bu#Yea hfsjfhbvhsgjf#/why isn't vernor here? because she's a well-adjusted and routinely concerned party she doesn't need the extra trauma thank you Jfsjfvbhsf#i'm gonna give her a tea party though. she's earned it#gonna be the kind with tap water and ice cube tea cakes But! it Is a tea party lmfsvhfh#//anyway Yeaaaah i'm sleepy tired now. sigh!#wanted to finish this movie i have here and then rewatch tangled but i now just want to sleep. there's to-OH tomorrow's saturday let's go#but YEA i gotta sleep. fingers crossed i do that hfshvhf#and yepyeayee Toodles !! night :3 :D
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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god why am i so fucking stupid. having adhd is truly a curse and i hate bearing it
#not to vent on main but. fml actually!#in my health assessment lab we had this case study assignment to do and i freaking. misunderstood all of it so bad#idk why but for some reason i thought we were supposed to make up a patient ourselves for it#…we were not#no :) we were not :) there’s a freaking. TEMPLATE for the exact patient we were supposed to do it on in the module#that i opened once and then forgot about because adhd just works like that#and now im literally . kmsing because we fucking . we fucking presented these orally in class#and i was only half paying attention bc i was (incorrectly) documenting my (made-up) patient information on the record#and i thought it was weird that like 2 or 3 people seemed to have VERY similar patients but did not question it further#…which is to say. i may be stupid.#and now i feel like dying because im gonna have to email my professor and TELL HER how stupid i am#and hope that she takes enough pity on me and my cursed brain to let me do it over properly#because my lab grade is now barely a 77 and i need a 75 to pass. and our final assessment is tomorrow.#i genuinely cannot live like this anymore im serious#i need a fucking brain transplant#anyway tl;dr guys please pray for me please please please im actually disintegrating rn#to delete later
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I really need Christopher to do so many disrespectful things to me rn🥴
#bang chan#bang chan smut#like the brain rot is so bad rn#I was rewatching his railway performance#why did I do this to myself#he’s so fine I cannot#bang chan hard thoughts#bang chan hard hours#christopher bang#stray kids#stray kids hard hours#stray kids hard thoughts#he’s so chase Atlantic coded
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labyrinth 1986 sequel .. directed by robert eggers…. much to consider …. they should be talking about this on major news circuits i think..
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#i don’t think you all understand …… this could make or break the next decade or so for me#but i’m trying to be chill about it#what if it’s just okay#or what if it’s bad#luckily it is just a thought in hollywood execs’ and robert eggers’ brains rn#i’m losing it#labyrinth 1986
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