#bad scratch memories
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hi!! list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers
Pokemon
The fact that Skizz is in Hermitcraft
The fact that StormLordZeus is back in Scratchcraft
I got to make some Cirak and this batch was really good! :D
I finally got my solo thingy for flute under my fingers
#I don't really wanna send stuff to people#bad scratch memories#again#but thanks! :D It means a lot. >^-^<#ask#actual post
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Not me seeing agathario fandom start making fanfics in ao3 where Rio gets trapped in the Hex with Agatha and thinking innocently: "Wow, it would be very, very extremely psychologically painful and so fucking full of cuteness if Wanda's spellwork gave them, idk, like, maybe, DAUGHTERS, wouldn't be?!"
#i mean if wanda can have twins with vision why can't they?#would it bring back bad memories from the past? for sure#but I'm craving the “screwed-up lesbian moms breaking generational cycles by raising their daughters' trope”#just imagine little witches who are Agatha's spitting image and have Rio's personality#let's think about the angst later#it was a sitcom and I think it needed other kids to play with billy and tommy#agathario#rio x agatha#agatha x rio#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio vidal#rio agatha all along#wanda maximoff#billy maximoff#tommy maximoff#wandavision#agathario fanfic#I already have an idea of names for them#agathario fic#ao3#ao3 fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic ideas#agathario kids#the cherry on top of all are the nicholas's flashbacks that agatha will have#nicholas scratch#marvel fanfiction
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Genuinely I really do love all the post canon stuff concerning Garak and the castellanship and how that particular path of growth impacts his character and is colored by his past. However, to me in my heart, he went on to live a soft and quiet life with his devoted husband Julian Bashir in their cozy shed tending to his orchids and only tangentially involved with politics. And nothing bad ever happened to either one of them ever again.
#thats the real post canon. to me#they deserve a soft epilogue god damn it! theyve earned it! theyve suffered enough and have enough childhood and postwar trauma to work out#to last a lifetime. let them at least have a soft place to do it. as a chronic hurt conf enjoyer nothing scratches that inch in me more tha#working through bad memories while afforded the comfort of leaning on the person you love. nothing says devotion louder to me.#let them have that!!#elim garak#julian bashir#ds9#garashir#regnarposting
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ns has the burnt part of his wings plucked or cut off every time he falls. ends up with less and less wing.
you people come up with such evil ideas i think
#but you know what i like it. everytime his memory gets wiped they also clip his wings so he doesn’t really start Questioning stuff again#i.e. why his wings are burnt exactly#and then it grows back and the cycle repeats over and over#ouehghh ……. sep with such small wings …#i’ve been thinking about how Things might happen in this au ….. hmmmmh#scratches me head#AHHHHH I CUT MY FINGER ACCIDENTALLY FUCKKK#anwyays. okay well yeahi just think that for some time sep is stuck in this cycle#and i think wayback keeps trying to convince him heaven bad but then sep doesnt remember and wayback is like dude what the fuuuck is wrong#with you ^_^ you shoudl leave heaven and go live on earth with me . and sep is like ……………………….. maybe#i imagine they do exactly that for a while idk how many years but sep is like yayy earth ^_^ and then heaven is like heyyy sep when are you#going to come back to heaven. and uhm#…#walks away#cramswering#myart#oc: needless separation
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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some of them have multiple names so i tried to include them all just in case lol
plz reblog so more people can vote! ^^ /nf
#if i forgot anypony just put them in the tags my bad i'm doing this from memory-#mlp fim#my little pony#background ponies#poll#derpy hooves#lyra heartstrings#bon bon#dj pon3#vinyl scratch#oh god that's a lot of names i have to tag. i'm not gonna tag all of them lmao-#minuette#twinkleshine#lemon hearts#octavia melody#dr whooves#dr hooves
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just remembered ceedee/micah... omg..............
#sometimes i wish i hadn't left cuz there's so much good lore i wrote#LOL#guess i just have to start again from scratch+bad memory#nfl rpf#ceedee/micah#starting a tag bc MOTIVATION#ceedee lamb#micah parsons#they can take comfort in each other for flopping this season
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I love how everyone has that defining moment in their childhood when they first realized/saw that the opposite sex has different looking genitals. I never had that moment because no one in my preschool knew how to shut the God damn doors when pissing
#i remeber i had to piss really bad and this one kid left the door open and was shitting forwver#and he was looking me DEAD IN THE EYE with the most blank and bored stare while he was shitting#and the teacher just told the kid to hurry up and not bothering to shut the door#i also remember waiting to piss during nap time and a kid was pissing and it got everywhere#like some piss was on the cieling it was that bad#i just kinds watched and then pissed my pants or something idk#i didn't shut the door either#id have convod with other kids while i pissed#my preschool was pretty good but so fucking weird#like i remeber being besties with this one girl but my parents and her parents said that she hated me#and thinking about it now she really did#like she bit me she scratched me dhe attacked me she called me poopy face etc#but she gsve me bsck my stuffed dog so that's fine little me thought that we were friends#wonder how shes doing#preschool#childhood memories#childhood#preschool stories
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finally finished studying for my ap test if I'm never seen again you know why wish me luck
#I'm going to spread my resources out to everyone#flame u get my blog (this one) + any non-dc related WIPs I have#violet u get my other blog and my dc-related WIPs/unreleased fics (I have an embarrassing amount of those from b wayne week)#uhhhhhhhh#flame u and jessie can share my school supplies#zoe u can have my health notes and uhh my bendy pencil bc I know ur never gonna pay attention ever again with that bad boy#what else do u guys want think of me like a grocery store#flame u can have gidget actually#my sweet precious lil baby kitty who I saw today for the first time in a week 😍😍😍#I gave her lil scratches and she purred a lil and then my mom was like “go back in ur room u have covid” and I was like 😢😢 okay#flame honor my memory by reblogging a house md AND an espresseleine post once a month#otherwise you can turn this mostly neutral blog into a whatever blog u want
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guys its only barely saturday in my timezone
and yall are already reblogging hr tribute saturday and i thought i was the insane one here
#rambles#EITHER WAY.....#29 DAYS UNTIL.... THE DAY...#please do know ive been counting since at least like what day 250. i dont even know i have bad adhd memory ok#i wonder who owns that one hr countdown blog.#also scratching at boardbothq doors thomas let me in i must know TGhe Lore's!
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excuse YOU!! minute maid is superior in... bluh. whatever tree tops has. it is REFRESHING and NICE.
(also, if we are talking mems, i think i am pretty much canon compliant; save for a memory of me making bracelets for dave and all that stuff! :p) - 💨
minute maid tastes boring dude no flavour to it theres not fruit its like if you had fucking grape juice
#also im pretty canon compliant too#i think#except for after the game post game was really different but you gotta give me a heads up if you want those deets there are a lot#me and karkat were moirails though that was a divergence from canon#OH ANDTHE GAME WAS A WEEK instead of a day we had more time pre you scratching the universe#my john (maybe you?) made me watch con air it sucked but whatever#also if were comparing memories i feel bad but i do gotta ask your age (im 17 btw as of august)
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I don't know how far my cry for help will reach, but I need someone to come in my rescue immediately.
There is a snippet of a song doing loops in my head, it's driving me insane because I don't remember the name or the lyrics.
I'm deeply convinced it has something to do with How To Train Your Dragon, but I have already gone through the songs of the three movies, and NONE of them has IT. I am also deeply convinced it's Alexander Ribak who is singing in this small fragment of song I have, but I'm also not sure.
I know the three movies hasta main theme, but I repeat, NONE OF THE THREE IS THE ONE IM LOOKING FOR
I know I have heard this piece of audio in memes and short videos about a sudden incredible change, I'm pretty sure the song it's for a fantasy setting, the background music also sounds a lot like "Where No One Goes" and "Test-Drive" from the first movie of the HTTYD trilogy.
The small part of this song doing loops on my brain it's like the dramatic peak of the song too, but god it's hard to describe.
It's very solid and also very hazy in my brain, someone please help me.
#song name#help#my brain its scratching my cranium#bad memory#forgotten song name#i forgor#HELP ME PLEASE I CANT TAKE THIS ANY LONGER#TUMBLR GODS PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT#song#fantasy
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Probably am not gonna attend lab in the morning, bc I have complete certainty that if I do, I am going to have a complete mental breakdown (as if I haven't already been in the midst of one)
I'll email my professor if I'm unable to finish the lab by the end of the day. He's pretty understanding about this stuff, & if I get some points docked for being late, it's not the end of the world. I've been doing well in this class, overall.
What I AM going to do. Is call the damn psychological services in the morning. Bc Clearly, I am not coping well.
#speculation nation#i laid down to sleep 2 hours ago. to no one's surprise i am still awake.#i need smth stronger than melatonin. i need horse tranquilizers.#i keep thinking like 'oh i feel relatively okay. i'm probably just being dramatic'#but then i think about the stressors and it's like a record-scratch in my brain.#and regardless of how i'm doing overall. or rather how i Think i'm doing. this night still happened.#i regressed Undeniably and this is a clear sign that i need some fucking help#if for nothing else than like. mood stabilizers or whatever lmfao.#i'm trying to think about what actually happened. what Led to this. but i'm struggling to conceptualize it.#i left work. had a brief sit out in the sun. read some fanfic.#then I went home and just... something in my brain went wrong.#combination lab stress and stress over my other class And also the horrid state of my apartment rn#that's... probably part of it... or a lot of it really...#my brain went numb. a record scratch. and i was unable to go to my default coping strategy bc of the meeting and lab#and... yeah. muscle memory i guess. and a strange sense of brain fog. it just kinda happened.#i've been drinking more lately. not enough to impact my health. and i wouldnt say i'm addicted.#i never drink more than one or two drinks at a time. Maybe 3. just enough to get a pleasant tipsy going#but it's like an itch. the moment im feeling bad. stressful day at work. low mood. Whatever#i want to drink. both as a form of self harm and as a form of brain numbing. stabilizing my mood.#ah. that's the central thing here huh. i guess i really do need help.#sorry for hashing through it here. it's just almost 2 am and i dont rly wanna talk to anyone anyways.#just. tonight is just. the longest weariest sigh imaginable.#negative/#self harm ment/#alcohol ment/#i dont want to talk about specifics about what happened bc i dont want people to try to tell me what to do#and i know they would. they always do. Always saying just 'dont do that' instead of considering why i do#better to just do as i will and not mention it. bc in the end no one can fucking stop me.#... but it would probably be good to talk to someone who could help me balance it. give me better ways to cope i guess#i dont know. it's complicated. i just feel a weird sense of dread when someone expresses worry. i dont like it.
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By the way, you can improve your executive function. You can literally build it like a muscle.
Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.
This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):
Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):
Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.
But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:
Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.
Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation
Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.
Meditation
Martial arts
Sports in general
Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)
Woodworking
Cooking
If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers
Things can be easier. You might always have a disability around this (I certainly always will), but it can be easier. You do not have to be this stuck forever.
#actually autistic#executive dysfunction#neurodivergent#adhd#not news#hope#at least it's been very hopeful for me
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that last art comic reblog FHDHDDJSDJJDJKSKSFHSBRRRRRRR BRAIN IS GOING SO BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRTT ROGHT NOW I want to talk about it so bad and about why it's making brain go BRRRRRRRTHDHFHDDJJDJSS BUT I know no one cares and no one will want to listen. i shared it with people and no one will respond. especially not the people it reminded me of who aren't as obsessed with a past thing as I am since I can't just let go and move on from hyperfixations/special interests so easily. even if it ended bad. I got no closure and still LONG FOR IT SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SO SAD THAT ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET BACK AND AHHHGH
#no one understands. at all. ive tried explaining. everyone who were there with me moved on and dont get why i cant#or their bad experiences completely ruined and tainted the memories amd they rather forget and mever talk about it#but i cannot. im too autisticly attached despite the bad things that happened#and that comic really scratched some of the itch#i need to resist begging the artist to make more like that just to satisfy me#or i need life to quick kicking my ass so i can make my own 😭😭😭😭😭😭#theres just something about dumb autism siblings committing goofy chaos crimes against normal domestic life “rules” that ugh chef kiss#(i headcanon all fontaine siblings as autistic like me and my friends do its perfect)#and i just ugh. i always want so bad to autistic monolog about my rp goofs and stuff related and now this comic#which is connecting a current special interest to the last one that was ripped from my hands before i even realized it#and hffhfhjdvdjfbdjskdhhkssk too many feelings and things to say and no one to say them to 😭#i wish i could make someone watch my old rp goofy moments video and some other old videos with me but no one cares or wants to :((#lee text#that was a lot but i have feelings and needed to yell into the void ugh
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going through old letters and cards today to see what I can throw away, mail I received when I lived in New York and never remembered to go through again until now, and I kept finding a) old school photos of my brothers, & b) letters my youngest brother wrote to me while I lived away from home, and… oof. I’m glad no one was around because I criiiiiiieeeeed so hard. Had to step away for awhile.
#imagine these crude chicken scratch letters from a little boy that just loves and misses his big brother so much 😢#I abandoned that sweet little boy for a girl and now I’m around and he’s so much older#and now he’s an older teen and I miss being his big brother that he hangs out with all the time#being able to be the older brother that took care of them and hung out with them was probably what I’m most proud of in my life#I was only gone a few years but still…knowing how much he missed me. how much I missed my family. how staying in NY turned into a nightmare#it was… oof. no good. good at first then bad#I don’t like to dwell on it#bc then I’ll get sad and do the whole ‘oh my life could have been better if I’d spent it here.’#so my advice is. to all the young ones. if you meet someone on tumblr. maybe don’t drop everything and move in with them.#I meeeaaaan… hey. maybe it’ll work for you. but it’s rough. living with someone you mainly know from online. oof…#moving in with someone you mainly know from tumblr is… 😬😬😬#but it was my decision. not blaming anyone else. it’s done. over. can’t go back. just go forward.#I have a bad habit of ‘omg someone actually likes me. time to drop all forward momentum and focus on love.’#so I just kinda… let life atrophy as long as I get to be loved and cared for. so mix that with living far from home +mental health decaying#just a bad mix. bad living situation. and I missed my family all the time. rough stuff.#sorry I’m rambling. going through old mementos will do that to ya#I’m a bit of a memory hoarder#and I get very nostalgic and I have to stop myself from filling with regret#that’s life 🤷🏻♂️#hope you enjoyed the lore dump!#anyway…. this isn’t important#you can ignore this#text
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