#bad matchmaking

[realitybitesyouknowit]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Other(s) Characters: Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson, Luna Lovegood, Cedric Diggory Additional Tags: Crack, Dark Comedy, Fluff and Humor, Bad Matchmaking, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle Attend Hogwarts Together, Simp Tom Riddle, HP Shipuary 2022 Summary:

Tom has hated every single person Harry has ever dated. When Harry breaks up with his girlfriend, Tom takes the opportunity to make sure his best friend ends up with someone suitable. It's just a shame nobody seems to be suitable.

[hairmetal666]

It's 3am. It's pouring down rain. Steve's soaked to the skin, been wandering the city for most of the night, hasn't slept in almost 24 hours, thinks maybe he's on the brink of delirium, and then a truck hits a pool of ponded water, sending a muddy wave cascading over him.

He just wants to go home but Dustin lost his dog and he can't leave a puppy out in this weather.

Steve steps off the curb, and what looks like a shallow puddle turns out to be a water-filled hole. He crashes towards the pavement, nothing he can do to stop it. As fast he's falling, he's miraculously not, arms wrapped around his waist. It takes a second for his brain to catch up, to understand that he's being held upright in an old-fashioned, romantic dip.

"Careful, sweetheart," a deep and smoke raspy voice says from above him.

it sends chills down his spine, the good kind, and warmth slips through him. His rescuer is a solid 10 knockout. Long, curly hair; eyeliner; decked out in leather and studs and chains. He smells like booze and cigarettes and weed, and it's intoxicating. Steve has to fight the instinct to nuzzle the guy's leather jacket. He's beautiful, holds Steve with the swagger only a guy with rings on every finger could pull off.

And Steve is a mud soaked mess in sweatpants and a threadbare Hawkins High tee. But the guy holding him isn't letting go. He stares down at Steve, brown eyes wide.

"Steve!" A voice calls over the patter of the rain.

"Dustin?" He says at the same time that the man holding him says, "Henderson?"

"Eddie?" Dustin asks.

"Wait, dnd Eddie?" Steve gets his feet under him, but Eddie's arms don't drop.

"You're the famous babysitter Steve I've been hearing all about?"

They gape at each other until Dustin reaches them.

"What are you still doing out here?" Dustin shouts. "We found Dart hours ago."

"Dustin!" He thinks he might cry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't answering your walkie!"

"Fuck." Steve drops his face to his hand. The walkie. Which is on the table by the front door where he and Robin leave their keys.

Steve swallows his frustration, the misery of waterlogged shoes, having to be up to open the store in a few hours, meeting the hottest guy he's ever seen when he looks like a drowned rat.

"I promised I'd find Dart, didn't I? Now what the hell are you doing out so late?"

"Mom and I were looking for you!"

"Let's get you back to the car, man, okay?" Steve says to Dustin. He wants to end this weird, terrible, embarrassing night before it gets even more humiliating.

"I can give you a ride home," Eddie says. He's got this weird, intense look on his face, staring at Steve.

"I'm only a few blocks away. I'll be fine. C'mon, Henderson."

"Oh, I can walk him. You head home."

He nods, starts towards his apartment, but turns back just in time to see Eddie and Dustin share a look he can't parse.

---

A few days later, Dustin's following him around at work, chattering about dnd as Steve shelves books, and without taking a breath during a soliloquy about owl bears, says, "Eddie's running a one-shot for us next week. You should come! It's a great way to get into the game."

"I'm not playing dnd," Steve answers. He slides a book onto the shelf. "I've told you this."

"Yeah, but you liked Eddie, right? He'd help you out!"

Steve squints at the kid. "I didn't really meet Eddie to know. Anyway, I'm sure he doesn't want a newbie crashing."

Steve is pretty sure Eddie doesn't like him, based on their short introduction, so he's not interested in forcing himself into the guy's dnd club. The night they met was humiliating enough, Steve in all his dorky glory.

"No, he totally wouldn't care. C'mon, Steve!"

"No can do." He ruffles Dustin's hair as he walks away.

He thinks that'll be the end of it, but every few days, for weeks Dustin and all the rest of the kids stop at the store to beg him to join their dnd club.

---

Steve is working the register and he hears the shuffling clank of a customer, looks up and finds Eddie. He's staring at Steve with that same look from the night they met, intense and piercing, cutting straight through the heart of him. He feels himself start to blush.

The first thing out of Eddie's mouth is, "Wait, this is your store?"

"Yeah?" Steve asks. "Is that--is that weird?"

"No! Not at all. It's a good store. Cute." His nose wrinkles when he says it and Steve's blush grows hotter. He knew Eddie thought he was a dork.

"Cute. Yeah. Right. Can I help you with something?"

Eddie rocks back on his heels, hands going to the pockets of his leather jacket, sending his chains jingling. "Oh, so, actually I wanted to see if you were busy?"

"Yeah, man. I'm busy." He laughs, doesn't intend to be mean about it, but he and Robin only opened the store six months ago and both take night classes at the local community college. Plus, everything he does with the kids.

Eddie's face flushes bright. "Oh, sure, of course. Yeah, I--I'll see you around."

The door thunks to a close behind him, and a voice immediately pops up to ask, "What the hell was that?"

He turns to find Max Mayfield hands on hips, glaring up at him, Robin close behind.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

Max rolls her eyes and strides up to the counter. "Why were you an asshole to Eddie?"

"He started it!"

"I highly doubt that."

"Okay, Ms. Know-it-all, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I know for a fact that Eddie came in today to ask you out. So, tell me, Steve Harrington, why he rushed out of here looking like a kicked puppy?"

"What?" He yelps. "Eddie doesn't even like me!"

She glares. "Doesn't like you? He's been pathetic about you since you met."

He gapes at Robin. "Don't look at me," she shrugs. "But that guy was definitely here to ask you out."

"Fix it." Max commands as she stomps out the door. "He bar tends at that metal place on 68th."

---

It's just after 9pm and he's at the metal bar on 68th, decidedly out of place in the yellow t-shirt and jeans he wore to his business accounting class.

It's fairly busy for a weeknight, but Eddie's not hard to find. He's obviously in his element, bobbing his head to a song Steve's never heard as he mixes a drink.

With a hard swallow and a healthy dose of humility, he walks up to the bar.

"Be right--" Eddie starts, balking when he notices Steve.

"Can we talk?" he shouts over the music.

Eddie's eyes widen a little, but he nods, slips out from behind the bar to guide him to an employee exit.

"What's up, Steve?" Eddie asks. His hands are in his pockets, shoulders bowed in.

"I wanted to apologize."

"What for?"

"Earlier, I--when you said the store was cute I thought you were making fun of me."

"But--why?"

"I thought you didn't like me." Steve cringes at the admission.

"What?" He laughs.

"I don't know. We met in the middle of the night and I was covered in mud looking for a dog that wasn't lost anymore."

"Steve. Holy shit." Eddie shakes his head. "You looked gorgeous that night. The way your clothes were sticking--you know what? Never mind. Did you think I wanted you to come to dnd because I hated you?"

"You wanted me to come?"

"Dustin didn't..."

"No! And he's been asking me to play dnd weekly for the past five years."

"Jesus Christ," Eddie slumps agains the brick wall at his back. "No wonder you turned me down today."

"To be fair," Steve slumps next to him. "If I had realized you were asking me out, I wouldn't have turned you down."

"No?" Eddie asks. His brown eyes gleam.

"Definitely not. I've had a crush on you since that night. Sort of devastating since I thought you didn't like me." Steve runs his hand through his hair, watches Eddie track the movement.

"The store is cute, Steve. I--uh--I've been a few times. Back before I knew you were the owner! I just kept seeing a hot employee with great hair and a perfect ass, and the vaguely mean lesbian barista gives me free drinks."

"That's Robin," Steve says. He's smiling so hard.

"I know that now," Eddie smiles back. "Sorry for being an idiot."

"Me too." Steve nods. "Do you--could I still come to dnd? Or take you out sometime?"

"Why not both?" Dimples pop on Eddie's cheeks, and Steve's heart flips.

"I like both." They're still against the wall, but drifting into each other's space.

"So Dustin said."

It surprises a laugh out of Steve. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Too bad. He's a nice kid."

"Eh, we've got six more to choose from."

"I have a few more hours here, but there's a diner down the street that does some of the most mediocre pancakes I've ever tasted. Meet me there? Around 2?"

"A thousand lost puppies wouldn't make me miss it."

The next time Steve is out at 3am he's pressed against a building, Eddie kissing him so thoroughly he knows he's never recovering from this one.

[umblrspectrum]

hi im back

[demodraws0606]

How Whit is heavily tied to DRDT's theme of Fate

I've seen a lot of talks about the themes of DRDT's story and a lot that I've seen come up is the one of fate.

More specifically are people stuck on a single trajectory forever or can they possibly change how their life was "meant" to be ?

We see this especially with Teruko and Chapter 2's themes of morality. It ties with DRDT's time aspect as well, the question of if the future is premeditated or do we have agency on how things happen.

Now you're wondering how that possibly ties to Whit.

Well what if I say that Whit's entire talent and his "intuition" pretty much incapsulate the theme of fate perfectly.

Because think about it really, what does matchmaking really mean ?

It's to decide weither two people are fated to be together.

You can't really divorce the concept of fate from matchmaking, it's quite literally the entire concept.

Whit's talent, in a way, literally has him predict people's fates.

But what's even more damning with Whit is his "intuition" which seems to be more than just being able to predict if two people will become romantic partners.

He seems to just know certain that things are true

Here are the three things that he predicts :

Charles and him will be friends one day -> They did end up becoming friends

Charles truly did have a phobia of blood -> It was true, he wasn't pretending

Teruko will be happy -> I doubt that she'll be unhappy forever so uhm technically...probably true ?

Now let's be clear none of those are romance related, which insinuates that Whit's intuition is what got him into being a matchmaker and not vice verca (aka he decided to use his intuition to be a matchmaker).

So there's a highly likelyhood that Whit's abilities is in some ways being able to predict fate.

Which is a huge fucking thing considering DRDT's themes is about time and fate.

[pybun]

🧐

[dirtbagdefender]

[coffeeandbatboys]

It's that time again...

***All Characters Will Be Clone troopers totally did not forget to put that

My OC Helena has decided to host my 400 follower celebration at Midnight Oil, her caf shop on triple zero. She'll be handling the matchups while I write headcanons for those that request. This event will run until July 1st (unless otherwise stated)

What I won't do: nsfw, male reader (at least for headcanons), cloneshipping.

What I will do: Fem or GN reader, pregnancy, spicy to a point, injuries and family issues

Transcript and tags under the cut

Matchups: Tell me a little bit about yourself and I’ll match you with a trooper! Likes and dislikes, relevant physical details (that you’re comfortable with sharing) and personality description are a good place to start.

Headcanons: Request headcanons for a certain trooper (or a few, if you do so wish) and I’ll write them out for you

Rules:

One request per menu item per person. (aka, You may ask for one headcanon and one matchup)

Anons will be on but please @ yourself

Please, only request if you plan to reblog the answer

I reserve the right to discard any asks that do not follow these rules

tagging:

@moonlightwarriorqueen @sunshinesdaydream @ladyzirkonia @somewhere-on-kamino @clonethirstingisreal

@sev-on-kamino @eternal-transcience @techs-stitches @sees-writes @the-bad-batch-baroness

@lightwise @trixie2023 @ulchabhangorm @masterjedilenaaa @eyeluvmusic21 @523rdrebel

@l0nesome-dreams @arcsimper5 @orbitalmirror @deewithani @cloneloverrrrr

@freesia-writes @the-bad-batch-baroness @anxiouspineapple99

[imalicu]

p/s: Another random idea, I guess???

...

At a party (They're not a lover)

Armin: I'm not drunk.

Annie: Calm down, put the cup down. You're already flushed red.

Armin suddenly grabs Annie the collar and pulls her closer.

Annie surprised, instinctively glances at Armin's lips but holds herself back.

Armin: I'm telling you, I'm not drunk, okay?

Hitch raises her phone, recording the scene: Turns out we’ve got two persons drunk here. One drunk on alcohol, and one drunk on love.

[ghostofskywalker]

Don't Say "I Told You So"

Crosshair/Fem!Reader

Words: 1,739

Summary: Crosshair didn't need a relationship, and he had only agreed to this stupid service because all his brothers had done it as well. But a switch in his mind was flipped when he met you, he just doesn't want to admit it.

Note: this is my contribution to the fanfiction universe of @tcwmatchmakingau :) the canon divergence here is that the empire falls apart in its early days after palpatine bites it, which would still imply that crosshair spent some time in its service. i couldn't decide which clone i wanted to write so i picked six of my faves and rolled a die to decide - crosshair won :)

Clone Troopers Masterlist

“What are you looking to gain from our service today?” The overly bubbly woman asked Crosshair as he sat with his arms crossed in a chair that seemed entirely out of place in a tiny office like this. She was not bothered one bit by the way he so obviously did not want to be there, and there weren’t many people in the galaxy that could look so nonchalant on the receiving end of his annoyed expression.

“To get my brothers off my back,” he answered dryly, watching as she started to type something on her datapad.

“So you’re not looking for anything serious then?”

“What do you think?”

The woman behind the desk (she had introduced herself before, he just forgot her name) looked up at him with a glare that matched his in its intensity, and for a moment the change actually caught him off guard. “I have half a mind right now to set you up with the person I think you would dislike the most and ensure that you have the worst two hours of your life,” she said, her tone sharp and unwavering. “But since I am a professional, I will not do that. However, I expect to be afforded the same courtesy. I have a perfect track record with my matches for this company, but that does not mean I won’t throw it away for the chance to make you miserable, and that is certainly a threat. Do we understand each other?”

A silence fell over the room as her words sunk in. “Fine,” he said, swallowing his pride and allowing her to continue with the matchmaking interview. There was a part of him that wondered if he did indeed have a perfect match out there, even if he was (mostly) here because the rest of his squad had already gone through the process. Because anyone that managed to find someone who could willingly put up with Hunter was clearly some kind of Jedi, and there was another part of him that wanted to be the one to annoy his brothers, just as they had annoyed him with their new partners.

The interview was soon finished, and he left the office wondering what was going to come of all this. The woman (who had reverted back to the insufferably bubbly version of herself from the beginning) told Crosshair that someone would reach out to him with details about his date soon, even though he didn’t know if he believed her. There couldn’t be anyone in their little catalog who would willingly go on a date with him, this had to be some kind of scam.

***

But somehow the unthinkable happened, and from what Echo said when he heard Crosshair had gotten a message, it had happened in record time. And even now, if it weren't for the fact that his brothers were all stationed outside the restaurant, he might have run away before ever stepping foot inside. Wrecker would have simply just picked him up and walked him inside anyway, and that would be ever more embarrassing than simply just accepting his fate and not trying to escape.

He wasn’t given much information about you or the date, other than your first name and the fact that a table had been reserved for you two at a restaurant on the top level of Coruscant. It wasn’t the nicest place in the world, but Crosshair appreciated that there didn’t seem to be an intense pressure to get perfectly dressed up, especially since he only had a limited amount of clothing at this time. He also had a sneaking suspicion that you had picked the spot, because none of the others had ever heard of the place when he told them where he was going.

Despite the fact that he didn’t really think any kind of relationship was going to come from this, he still found himself slightly worried about how you were going to perceive him. Even though the war was over and clones were fully recognized as citizens, it was hard for him to believe that anyone would willing want to go on a date with him. He could understand how his brothers were able to find romance, they weren’t as broken as he was, and they were having a much easier time adjusting to their new lives outside of military service.

When he gave the person standing at the front of the restaurant his name, they smiled and told him to follow, as his date for the evening was already here. He was hoping that he could get by without the staff knowing the true reason he was there, but it didn’t seem like that was going to happen. The sound of his comm device buzzing caught Crosshair’s attention, and he looked down at his wrist to see a message from Hunter.

Don’t kriff this up.

But of course he didn’t have time to send anything back before he had arrived at his table for the evening. Caught off guard by your beauty, he forgot for a moment that he didn’t reallu want to be there. “Hi,” you greeted him as he sat down. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

There was another version of him vying for control of his body right now, that was cruel and vindictive and could never believe that you were here to see him. And as much as he wished that version of him had died with the Empire, that was simply not the case, and he fought hard to push those thoughts away. Maybe he would never be as bright and as joyful as Wrecker, but you did not deserve to spend time with a sour version of him, especially when none of the issues he had were your fault.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said. “Why did you sign up to do this?”

You laughed. “Honestly? My friends pushed me to sign up for an interview.”

“My brothers practically forced me to do this,” he said, watching as a smile crossed your face.

“Wow, I guess we both don’t want to be here, huh?”

Five minutes ago, Crosshair would have earnestly confirmed your statement and suggested that you go your separate ways. But now, he found himself wanting to stay, even though he had no idea how to respond. “I suppose not.”

“But since this meal has already been paid for, I think we should stay.” Thank the Maker for that suggestion.

Of course, he had to keep up appearances. “I’m fine with that.”

As the date continued, conversation moved like one of the Coruscant Guard’s massif puppies: tentative but determined, and the more Crosshair spoke to you, the more he realized how much you complemented each other.

It was so much more complicated than the roles of sun and moon, because neither of you perfectly fit into either image. You had a macabre streak to rival the dry quips he often subjected his brothers to, but there was also a brightness to your personality that he found himself desperate to learn about. As you shared stories about past relationships and told him all about the work you do, he found himself wondering how in Sith Hells it was possible that through one interview (that he didn’t even take seriously) someone had managed to find him someone like you.

The food was certainly a step up from the things he ate during the war, and the two of you indulged in drinks that were brightly colored and sickly sweet. If this was 79’s and his brothers were around, he might have cared about what they would say as they watched him take sips of a lavender colored liquid. But here, the only person whose opinion mattered to him was you, and the way you smiled as you tasted the drink for the first time was something he didn’t want to forget.

When it was time to leave, he waited with you for a hovertaxi and waved you off before heading back to the apartment he now shared with his brothers. It didn’t seem like the rest of the squad had stayed outside the restaurant for the entire night (like they had threatened to do), and Crosshair was glad for the time alone with his thoughts.

He wanted to see you again, that much was certain. The two of you had exchanged comm frequencies, and there were already tentative plans in place for the two of you to see a holofilm together sometimes, but nothing was set in stone. He knew his brothers weren’t going to let him off without interrogating him when he stepped through the doorway, so he also prepared what he was going to say.

And like he expected, Omega was the only one not waiting for him when he opened the door. The rest of the team was sitting at the table, as if they were waiting for him, and the questions began to spill out of his brothers’ mouths.

“How was it?”

“Did you like her?”

“Are you going on another date?”

“We were right, weren’t we?”

Crosshair took a seat at the table and waited for the rapid fire questioning to stop. “It wasn’t terrible.”

Hunter scoffed. “Come on, you’ve got to give us more than that!”

“No, I don’t actually,” he said. “You all forced me to do this and now it’s done.”

Echo spoke next. “At least tell us if you’re going to go out again with her, then we’ll leave you alone.”

Crosshair sighed. He wanted to lie, but he knew that eventually the truth would find a way to worm its way out into the open, and the teasing would be worse then. “Nothing is confirmed, but maybe.”

“YES!”

“I knew it!”

“You all owe me 10 credits now!”

In the midst of his brothers’ joy, the sound of his comm device beeping distracted Crosshair. He looked down to see a message from a new frequency, which he immediately knew must be you.

If you were serious about going to a holofilm, do you want to see one with me tomorrow?

He couldn’t help but smile as he typed out an affirmative reply, and that tiny change in his expression did not go unnoticed by Hunter. “Aww look Echo, Crosshair’s in loooooooove!”

“Shut up,” was the sniper’s response, but he didn’t refute the statement.

Maybe these matchmaker services really did work after all. 

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

[honeycreammilkshake]

there will be cake.

i finally finished my first fic, and it's greenflame! it takes place between possession and skybound. i spent a few days on it and i'm still not satisfied... it still feels a bit ooc and amateur to me, but please let me know what you think. here it is...

Sitting down for dinner with the other ninja, Kai had no intention of talking about anything serious, let alone marriage, and especially not how he should go about proposing to Lloyd. But picking at his bowl of chili, he looked around to his friends, watching them talk about their day with animated expressions and exaggerated hand gestures, observing Cole and Jay arguing about every detail of their training so they could trade insults while blushing whenever anyone (mostly Zane) pointed out just how closely they'd have to be watching each other to know such minor things about their routines. And when Kai glanced over to his sister she was already glancing his way with an exasperated smirk at Cole and Jay's antics.

The only absent one was Lloyd. The Green Ninja was training late, as usual, pushing himself to his limits. The perfectionism was at first a little annoying for Kai, who tended to take any show of exertion as a competition against him, but overtime he'd learned to accommodate his boyfriend, who was typically late to dinner or outings with the rest of them. The pressure Lloyd must have felt, every single day, to not only lead the rest of them but to also make his pretty much godly ancestors proud of him had been grinding on him even more as of late, and Kai didn't want to add to their young leader's troubles. Still though… after their last battle, almost losing Lloyd to possession had made him keenly aware of how fragile the normalcy of all their lives were.

At any time, they could find themselves under attack once more. Ninajo had a reputation for attracting the most dark-hearted, vengeant, and power-hungry of villains, and Kai had to wonder if there was some kind of sign posted out for all the tyrants coming to seize this particular place. Something massive and neon was advertising how siegable and conquerable this entire land was somewhere, he was sure.

But as a ninja, bound and entangled with all the rest of his team (a fate he would never want reversed or changed in any way), he knew he would lay down his life for any one of his friends if it ever came down to it. And, naturally, he knew in his heart that no matter how much he teased or gave Lloyd trouble, he would stand behind that completely unhinged god-in-training no matter what. Wherever Lloyd led him, he would follow. And it was because of this that he knew he had to make their relationship even more official, even more sacred, so that when villains like Morro or Chen or the rest came knocking again, Kai would know there was still a chance at a normal life, even a small part of it, in their own lives. That he could say that Lloyd was his in more way than one and come back home to that small piece of stability.

Now, watching his friends continue to taunt and push each other, a warm feeling suddenly overtook Kai, not unlike the sensation he got whenever he drank a nice cup of Wu's tea. He felt it blossom inside of him, a hot and protective surge that came whenever he thought of the others, especially Lloyd. He knew he could trust them completely, he could ask anything of them and they wouldn't treat him any differently for it.

So it was without any filter that he found himself asking, "Guys, if I were to hypothetically propose to someone… someone who's very uhm… career-driven and practically all-powerful, how would I go about asking them to do something absolutely ordinary like marriage?"

A small silence briefly overtook the table as the others, except for Cole who was still digging into his plate without interest in anything else, glanced around towards each other. Nya, on Kai's left side, was completely still all of a sudden and opposite him Zane and Jay exchanged looks.

Just as the stillness was starting to become unnerving, Zane, always practical, broke in, "Logically the best way would be to—"

"Oh my gosh, you guys," Jay all but shrieked. "Kai and Lloyd are going to get married!"

"Wait what????" Kai burst out, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. "I didn't say anything about—"

"Oh please," Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're the fire ninja, Kai, so whatever you're trying to cover up, you still burn holes right through it." He was picking at his bowl of chili delicately, like most of its contents offended him, and by the way he had complained about every other dish Cole had prepared for them, you would think it was genuine. But Kai knew the Blue Ninja would sneak lots of extra helpings of Cole's meals whenever he thought they weren't looking. And seeing as how most of Cole's food was… to put it plainly… bad, Kai knew it was because Jay was simply (and not so secretly) completely crazy for the Earth Master.

"You guys thought it was such a secret, but we could all tell what you were up to," Jay continued, matter of fact, then smirked. "The walls here are really thin, you know."

Kai groaned and buried his face in hands. "Okay," he sighed out. "So what if it is Lloyd?"

"I knew it!" Zane exclaimed from Cole's side, face lighting up. When the others looked to him, he explained, "Pixal told me they have a 95% compatibility rate. Lloyd's sensitivity and high emotional intelligence counterbalances Kai's hotheadedness and temper—"

"Yeah yeah we get it," Kai huffed, feeling called out.

"My vitals monitors indicate that your heart-rate speeds up whenever Lloyd appears," Zane added helpfully. "My data also suggests that Lloyd's libido increases whenever he watches you training."

Beside him, Nya made a choking sound. "Oh my god," she gasped, wiping away dribbles of water from her lips. "Please never say libido again, Zane."

Despite the embarrassment at having his secret relationship exposed so quickly, Kai couldn't help the way that information stroked his ego. All the time that little brat had been claiming to watch so closely to point out errors in Kai's form (as he always did) he was secretly checking Kai out shamelessly. It made him flush with more than a little contentment, but he got a hold of himself quickly, and managed to grit out, "Okay guys, that's enough."

"Where would they even get married though?" Jay pushed on, ignoring Kai entirely.

"Somewhere big enough for all of us," Zane pointed out. "I can compile a list of popular wedding locations and analyze them for suitability."

"No no," Jay dismissed, whipping his spoon around passionately so that a bit of chili hit Kai in the face. He wiped it off with a grimace as Jay continued to lecture Zane. "It should be somewhere perfect for the both of them..." Jay bit down on the handle of his spoon and then grinned widely at Kai. "I know just the place—my parent's junkyard!"

Kai blinked, caught off-guard. "Jay, I'm not marrying Lloyd in a junkyard—"

Across the table, Cole's face finally unfused from his plate long enough for him to shout, "Will there be cake? I'll definitely come if there's cake!"

"Always thinking with your stomach, right Cole?" Jay snarked. But the Earth Master chose to ignore him, much to Jay's disappointment.

As the others continued to conspire Lloyd and Kai's wedding, loudly describing each lavish detail — "Lloyd should wear all red so Kai can wear all green... and there should be dragons!!!" Jay contributed while Zane added, "Kai should put Lloyd in his lap and ride in on one to the ceremony" and Cole piped in, "And there should be triple stacked cake afterwards!" — Kai's ears picked up shuffled movement in the hallway. He sat up straight. Wu and Misako were out getting "vital" supplies like flavored tea and herbal medicines — old people errands — and they weren't expecting anyone else to come calling. It could only be Lloyd.

Getting that sensation he got whenever he was about to be cornered, he felt himself start to panic. "Guys, if you don't shut up now, I swear I'll send every single one of you to the Cursed Realm," Kai hissed out. "I don't even care if we're on the same team — you will all be banished for your crimes. This conversation is over."

But, of course, cause everything and everyone hated Kai, this was the exact conversation Lloyd chose just that moment to walk in on.

With a short glance around to the other ninja, he came into the room and a crushing silence followed as they all tracked him with their eyes. He walked casually, carrying a bowl laden with an excessive amount of Cole's chili (which wasn't that bad but it also wasn't that good either, so Kai felt Lloyd had filled it to the brim subconsciously) and settled down in his usual spot to the right of Kai, slowly lifting his spoon to his lips…. Lips that were twisted up in an unmistakable smirk, the one Kai knew and adored so well, that he loved to bite on — but right now, seeing the way it melted away the usual prim and proper princely beauty of Lloyd's face into the wild rawness of the conceded brat he really was, all Kai could think was Lloyd knows…. He's been listening in on the whole thing!

"What's all this about cake?" Lloyd asked, oh so innocently, as if he didn't know already, and Kai kind of wanted to manhandle him right then and there for being such an unyielding brat.

But before Kai could say or do anything to grab at any sort of control over the conversation, Jay leaned in closer to Lloyd, conspiratorially settling his chin into his cupped hand like he was about to tell the world's greatest secret. With a hauntingly straight face he said, "Only that Kai can't keep his eyes off yours."

… And then everything kind of blew up in Kai's face.

Nya and Zane burst out laughing and Cole let out a bellowing huff before slapping Jay across the back so hard the Blue Ninja's face almost landed in his uneaten bowl of chili (Kai wished with his whole heart that it really had). Jay glared briefly at Cole but then the Master of Earth said, "I guess that's why they call you the Master of Shocks! That was a good one, Jay."

Pure pride swelled the Master of Shocks' chest, making him look just like a puffed up little blue jay — which he technically was… though Kai could barely register the humor of it as sticky hot embarrassment exploded inside of him.

"Oh wow you guys," Nya finally managed to gasp as she held her sides, like she could fall apart from the delicious humiliation of it all. She wiped at her eyes, choking out, "Look at Lloyd's cheeks — they look like cherries!"

Lloyd's mouth was pressed together tightly, and his cheeks were definitely a deep scarlet that Kai took some satisfaction in seeing, but he knew his own cheeks were probably just as red and burning twice as hot.

And of course Jay would point that out. "Guys, check out Kai's face — he's burning up!"

"Oh the irony," Nya giggled.

"Red ninja indeed!" Zane chimed in with a grin that practically spilled off his face. And in that moment, Kai had never been more certain in his life that he was surrounded by traitors. Enemies.

Kai ground his teeth together and finally managed to squeeze out some sort of response. "You're all banished."

The other ninja, minus a cherry-colored Lloyd, started laughing again as Kai sat there, gripping the edge of the table and plotting revenge. Only Cole made any kind of move towards redemption, leaning closer to both Lloyd and Kai to say, "You know we're just teasing you two… We're really happy to see you making things more official. And just so you know, I would love to be there for you, even if there no's cake for me."

"You do know the whole point is so that Kai gets to keep the cake just for himself, don't you?" Jay smirked.

Before Kai could set fire to either himself or Jay, Cole turned to the Blue Ninja and smiled. "Don't worry, sparky, I'll make sure to claim a cake for myself too," he said, and proceeded to reach over so he could grope Jay's ass as the smaller ninja let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Who's the Master of Shock now?" Zane grinned as Jay started choking.

Nya pursed her lips and said, "Really? Right in front of my chili?"

Kai moaned and buried his face in his hands as the entire table descended into chaos. But it died out quickly as Lloyd stood up, his face unreadable, that silken smirk of his erased from his lips. As Kai peeked up at him, he couldn't help but feel… reverent. Lloyd was strong, and fierce, and brave. And more than that… he was the magnet that kept them gravitating to him, to their destiny. Their fates were inexplicably tied to his for the rest of their lives. They all shared a bond deeper than mere friends: they were each other's counterparts and focal points and homes.

And nobody was more at home with Lloyd than Kai.

"Kai," Lloyd began, and Kai felt the air rush out him as soon as Lloyd turned those ember-bright eyes right on his face. "Do… do you really want to marry me?"

Kai's heart was pounding far too fast. It felt like the adrenaline spark right before a battle. "Of course," he managed.

The other ninja were finally fully silent, their eyes wide and watchful. Feeling bold, Kai pushed away from the table and stood right in front of his boyfriend. Then he sank to his knees, his eyes never leaving Lloyd's, and swallowed. "You know that all of us are bound to you, and all of us would protect you with our lives, just as you would do for us. But the bond I share with you runs even deeper. I promised you that I would protect you, and that I would follow where you lead me, that you could always rely on me, so I would like to ask you now… Will you let me follow you forever? Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, will you marry me?"

In all that time, Lloyd and Kai didn't look away from each other. The others remained blissfully quiet, but there was a current of anticipation coursing through the room.

It felt like an age before Lloyd cleared his throat and said, "Of course I will.... Someone has to keep my cake away from Cole, after all."

Kai groaned but found himself grinning anyways. "You're insufferable," he told Lloyd and pushed up from the floor.

"That only means you're even more perfect a match," Nya pointed out from Kai's side, but she hugged her brother tightly, patting him on the back. They both knew how much this meant to him...

Lloyd and Kai returned to their places at the table and tried to resume eating normally, but they kept glancing over to each other until Jay scoffed and said, "You two, honestly, go get a room."

"Quiet, sparky, you'll get yours soon," Cole winked and Jay started to protest.

"If you think I have any interest at all in a dusty piece of rock like you—"

"Yeah yeah," Cole waved him off. "Keep pretending, bluey."

Lloyd laughed and reached over to offer his hand for Kai to hold. Kai took it gently, and didn't miss the way everyone stared at their joined hands, their fingers twining together.

"No matter what comes in the future, we'll face it together," Lloyd promised Kai, and they felt each other's pulses jump at his words.

Kai nodded, soaking up the way the light hit the pale gold of Lloyd's hair, making it look just like a glowing halo. This boy would be the death of him, he just knew it. He couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He raised a spoonful of chili towards Zane, Cole, and Jay and gave his best unhinged grin. "The future looks bright for you and me both, but right now I say we take these three down for being so obnoxious," he suggested and Lloyd grinned too, wild and full of fire, just like Kai.

"What?" Zane sputtered. "I didn't do anything!"

"Wait!" Jay cried out. "But we helped you propose to him, Kai!"

Lloyd snorted while Kai rolled his eyes. "Sure you did," the Master of Fire said, then launched the first spoonful at Jay's surprised face.

"Food fight!!!" Nya cried, pounding her fist on the table before she upended her entire plate on Kai's head.

Kai gasped, shaking sticky shrimp out of his hair. Reaching up, he felt the clingy, pasty sauce of the dish matting his once-immaculate spikes, and he shrieked, "GET HER, LLOYD!"

With a roar, the table fell into chaos again. As the ninja threw handfuls of food at each other — except for Cole who sat there lamenting the waste of it all — Lloyd and Kai looked at each other and smiled. Everything that they had ever done, all that they had ever faced and clawed their way through, had been worth it for moments just like this. With a laugh, Kai leaned in and kissed Lloyd in front of everyone, not even caring to keep anything concealed anymore.

He didn't even care when Nya shouted, "Gross!" and splashed the rest of her water on them. With a smirk, he pulled Lloyd closer and set a palm to the boy's back to dry out his clothes.

"You know," Zane said afterwards, as everyone settled down. "Someone has to clean all this up before Master Wu returns."

"Not me!" Jay was the first shout.

"We will," Lloyd said calmly, volunteering an unwilling Kai before he could protest. "We started this after all."

"They had it coming," Kai argued but stopped when Lloyd cast him a sharp look.

"You said you'd follow wherever I lead," Lloyd reminded Kai, then smirked his signature smirk when Kai let out yet another groan.

"Alright then," Kai sighed. "Lead me to the dishes."

"Get used to this," Jay said smugly. "This is going to be married life for you from now on."

Cole stood up from his seat and brought the rest of his plate down, shrimp-first, on Jay's head. "And this is going to be married life with me," he promised the Master of Lightning and walked away smiling.

"Welcome to the family," Nya said to Lloyd before standing up from the table.

"Can't be crazier than my family," Lloyd called after her, then turned to Lloyd. "Well, let's get cleaning."

Kai sighed melodramatically but didn't complain. He had promised to follow Lloyd wherever he lead him, even if it was just to another mess to clean up. So he smiled as he knelt down to pick up pieces of dinner from the floor with Lloyd. He wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

[hairmetal666]

Thinking about Robin getting so frustrated with Eddie and Steve's pining that she forces them into an empty room, says, "you're into each other, figure your shit out," and locks them inside. The last thing she sees are their bright red faces and averted gazes.

When they come out a few hours later, Robin very tactfully doesn't mention how they're covered in hickies and Steve's shirt is inside out.

[tcwmatchmakingau]

Commander Mayday illustration by @nika6q

A Match for Mayday: Chapter 3

Editor's note: This fic is a collaboration between @nika6q (artwork) and @dystopicjumpsuit (story)

Pairing: Mayday x Flower Farmer Reader 

Rating: M (18+ Minors DNI)

Wordcount: 2.4k

Warnings and tags: fluff; mild angst; sensuality; smut; fingering; it is not actually impossible for DJ to write a SFW story, but it does cause hives

A/N: dedicated to @nika6q ❤️‍🩹

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

“Gorgeous,” Sunni declares with a flourish as she steers you toward her mirror.

“I’m not sure why you’re going to this much effort on me when you’re supposed to be the center of attention,” you point out as you turn obediently.

“Because you deserve a little pampering, and you never have an excuse to get dressed up on Nakadia,” Sunni replies. “What do you think?”

You examine your reflection, taking in the artfully arranged hair, the perfect makeup, and the dress that displays a tasteful amount of skin while concealing all the things you prefer to keep to yourself.

“You’re a magician,” you reply frankly. “I can’t remember the last time I took so long to get ready.”

One of the bridesmaids, Tarsi, flops down on the bed and takes a sip of sparkling wine as she declares, “Nothing wrong with a little self-indulgence every now and then. Everything in moderation, including moderation, am I right, ladies?”

The other two bridesmaids chorus their agreement from the adjoining room, and you smile. Unsurprisingly, Sunni has a delightful group of friends, and they’ve made the week leading up to the wedding far more fun and  relaxed than you expected. Tarsi does have a bad habit of trying to talk you into signing up for RTL, though; she’s so proud of her success with Hexx and Sunni that she’s determined to find a match for every one of her friends.

“You’re beautiful, kind, successful, and you live on the most idyllic planet in the galaxy,” she declares. “Troopers will be lining up around the block to meet you. How do you feel about children?”

“I’ll pass,” you say firmly.

“On the children or the troopers?”

“Both,” you reply.

Tarsi pouts but lets it go. Meanwhile, the other two bridesmaids, Brax and Mione, burst into the room carrying a round of raava shots.

“Pregame!” Brax announces. “Everybody grab a shot.”

“Oh, no!” you laugh. “I’m the designated drunk-herder tonight. It is my responsibility to make sure you all make it onto the charter shuttle to Nakadia at the end of the night so this wedding can actually happen. I need to keep a clear head.”

“One shot isn’t going to do anything,” Sunni declares. “As bride, I hereby absolve you of all responsibility if I’m late to my own wedding. Now take the shot.”

You roll your eyes in good-humored exasperation, and you all toss back the raava, reactions ranging from Tarsi’s delicate cringe to Brax’s exaggerated sputter.

“Well, that was awful,” Sunni coughs. “Shall we get this party started?”

The group makes its way through several bars and dance clubs in Coruscant’s mid-levels, each successively louder and more crowded, before heading to a place that is apparently well-known to Sunni and her friends. As the five of you pile out of the air-taxi onto the landing platform, a gigantic sign reading 79’s bathes you all in a neon haze. There are an unusually high number of clones milling about outside the club, but Sunni and the others head straight for the entrance, throwing open the doors dramatically.

“Gentlemen, I have arrived!” Sunni announces with a confident swagger born partly of inebriation and partly of her own innate love of a spectacular entrance.

From inside the club, a cacophony of male voices lets out a deafening cheer interspersed with a few whistles and catcalls. Not for the first time of the night, you wish that you were getting as lit up as the rest of the group, because from the sound of things, you are about to head into exactly the kind of crowded, chaotic environment that seems perfectly designed to trigger your panic response. Right about now, you would kill for some liquid courage, but none is forthcoming, so you square your shoulders and walk into the club.

It’s crowded, smoky, and dark, and the music is loud enough to buzz across your skin and throb in your chest. It is also packed with clones, all of whom look absolutely delighted to see your group.

“What is this place?” you call to Tarsi over the roar of the crowd.

“Clone bar!” she yells back. “Isn’t it great?”

“Great,” you parrot back with false enthusiasm.

Unsurprisingly, the bartender has already poured a round of shots for your group by the time you reach the bar, courtesy of some unknown patron. You know you shouldn’t drink yours, but it’s been hours since you had the raava shot, and you have a feeling you’re going to need it if you’re going to make it out of 79’s without going ballistic, so you toss it back quickly. Within seconds, all five of you are pulled onto the dancefloor, and at least two clones begin to grind on each of you. There are so many people, and your heart starts to race as the crowd presses against you. The lights flash disorientingly. It’s hot and sweaty and loud, and your cheeks are starting to cramp from the overly bright smile you’re trying to keep in place. 

You look over to Sunni and are surprised to see her dancing with Hexx. Veetch is plastered against Tarsi, along with a clone you don’t recognize. You can’t see Brax or Mione, because there are three farking clones grinding their dicks against you, and if you have to put up with this for another minute you are going to kriffing lose your shit!

Abruptly, a hand closes around your wrist and pulls you gently but firmly away from the sausage fest. A little space opens up around you, and you finally feel like you can breathe again. You turn to thank your rescuer, and your heart gives a hard, involuntary lurch when you recognize Mayday’s long, dark curls. He asks a question that you can’t hear over the music. You shake your head and point to your ears. He nods in understanding, and his eyes are so damned kind that you want to weep with relief.

Another strange clone starts to move toward you, but Mayday fixes him with a stare that has him putting up his hands and backing away. You don’t want to leave the dancefloor and abandon Sunni and the others, but you’re not sure how you’re going to be able to stay, either. Mayday moves closer and rests his hands on your hips. You glance up at him, startled. He gives you a reassuring smile and starts to move your body to the rhythm of the music.

“I thought you didn’t dance!” you try to say over the music, but he shakes his head to indicate he can’t hear you, either. 

Instead, he pulls you closer to himself and oh, Maker. He does dance. He’s a really kriffing good dancer. He moves with a sinuous grace that has your mind racing with the possibilities of what else he can do with moves like that. And while his hands stay well within respectful boundaries, they leave a trail of blazing heat as they move across your body. 

You war with yourself. Mayday has you dizzy and off-balance. One moment he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the galaxy, and the next he’s telling you not to touch him. But now he’s caressing your waist and hips like he never wants to stop, and he’s shielding you with his body, and he’s keeping you safe in the midst of the crowd. It’s a heady experience, to be at the center of that intense focus. Eventually, you stop thinking and simply let go and exist in the moment.

You lose track of time, of place, of people—it all fades into the background, and all you can see is Mayday. The way he touches you, moves you, guides you through the dance. He turns you so your back is to him, and you lean against his strong body, your hips swaying against his. You raise one hand over your shoulder to tangle in his hair, and you feel the heat of his breath against your wrist. His fingers trail over your arm, lighting up the nerves and sending tingles racing through you. And then his mouth descends onto your bare shoulder, his beard teasing your sensitive skin as he works his way up the side of your neck. Your knees nearly buckle at the sensation, but somehow you hold onto both your balance and your dignity.

You are shocked when the bartender announces the last call. How has the time passed so quickly? You’ve been so wrapped up in Mayday that you didn’t even notice as the crowd began to thin, and now it is time to round up the rest of the wedding party and head to the spaceport, where the luxurious private shuttle Sunni has chartered awaited your arrival. You and Mayday are the only reasonably sober members of the group, and so you coordinate with him to hustle everyone into two air taxis.

It’s a loud and raucous trip to the spaceport, but eventually, you bundle Sunni and the others onto the shuttle and perform one last headcount before Mayday signals the pilot to depart. It takes a significant amount of time and effort, but eventually, everyone aboard makes it to their assigned quarters, and you retreat to the shuttle’s opulent lounge to decompress and have a well-deserved drink. 

You stop short when you enter the room and find Mayday already inside. You flirt with the idea of fleeing, of going straight to your quarters and trying to get some sleep on the long jump to Nakadia, but it’s too late. He’s already spotted you, and you can’t avoid him without being openly rude. 

“I’d forgotten how exhausting it is to wrangle drunk people,” you say as you enter the room. 

“Mmm,” Mayday agrees with a rumble. “Makes fighting the war look easy.”

“No, it doesn’t,” you reply.

He smiles. “You’re right. Want a glass?”

“I think we’ve earned it,” you reply, settling into an armchair as he pours two tumblers of liquor out of a mysterious decanter.

The tawny liquid catches the light as he hands you a glass, reminding you of his eyes. You sniff it curiously and are greeted with a sweet, smoky aroma.

“I knew you were a whiskey man,” you say as you clink your glass quietly against his and take a sip. 

“I don’t usually turn down a free drink,” Mayday replies. “That doesn’t mean I don’t know the good stuff when I see it.”

You regard him steadily before you ask, “Is that so?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, his eyes guarded.

“I can’t figure you out, Mayday,” you say. 

At least he doesn’t insult you by pretending to misunderstand. He watches you for a moment, and when you don’t flinch under his scrutiny, he takes another drink of his whiskey.

“I told you I don’t play games,” he says.

“You could have fooled me,” you retort.

“You’re with someone else,” he says in a low voice. He sets his jaw firmly, but his eyes flicker over your body, and for an instant, you see a flash of naked hunger in them. “I’m not going to chase after someone who’s unavailable.”

What the kark? Your eyebrows snap together. “Is that why you couldn’t keep your hands off me tonight? Why every time we’re in the same room, you look at me like—like that?”

“Why the kriff do you think I was avoiding you?” he growls. “When I’m with you, I can’t think straight. I am trying to respect your relationship, but fuck, you drive me wild.”

You let out a short, angry laugh and drain your glass. “You think I would dance with you like that when I was with someone else? I didn’t realize you had such a poor opinion of me.”

“You said you were taken. You—” he pauses as though the words choke him with their bitterness. “You planned your wedding.”

“That was hypothetical!” You set your glass down with a snap as you rise abruptly. “I’m going to bed. Alone. Like I do every night. Which you should have realized when you spent a week in my house.”

“We’re not finished,” Mayday says, rising to block your exit.

“There’s nothing else to say,” you snap.

“What the kark did you expect me to do?” he demands. “I met the girl of my dreams, and two seconds later she told me she wasn’t interested.”

“I said I wasn’t interested in RTL!” you exclaim. “A matchmaker sounds like my worst nightmare. Although at least it would have prevented this level of absolute banthashit.” 

“Then—” he begins.

“For kark’s sake, how much clearer can I possibly be?” you cut him off. “Do I need to hang up a neon sign that says OPEN FOR BUSINESS? Do you want me to send you a handwritten letter? ‘Dear Mayday, please tear off all my clothes and have your way with me on the nearest available surf—mmph!’”

Mayday’s mouth cuts off your tirade. His lips crash against yours, his tongue sweeps into your mouth, his hands pull you close against him. He tastes like whiskey, and he smells like woodsmoke and spices, overwhelming your senses. You clutch his shoulders for balance, and then immediately slide your hands up his neck to twine your fingers through his hair. You tug on it gently, and he groans into your mouth in response. His arms tighten around you, pinning you to him as he grips your ass and grinds his hips against you. You let out a strangled moan as you feel the hardness of his cock press against your abdomen.

“This karking dress,” he rasps, breaking away from your kiss for a moment as his fingers find your hemline and snake up the inside of your bare thigh. “Did you wear it just to torture me?”

You open your mouth to respond, but he preempts your response with another breathtaking kiss. He slips past the lace of your panties—thank the Force I wore pretty ones—and glides his fingertips over your heated skin. His hands are as clever and talented as you knew they would be, and a fresh wave of irritation hits you. You tug his hair lightly as you pull away from his kiss.

“I’m still mad at you!” you exclaim. “We could have been doing this for weeks, oooh—”

He slides one of those thick, skilled fingers into you as he drops his mouth to your throat.

“I’m planning on doing it a lot longer than that, mesh’la.”

[yiling-laozu-is-loml]

For the danmei fanfic nightclub please may I request some modern au Wangxian workplace shenanigans. Where Lan Wangji is just trying to get the job done and Wei Wuxian is a shameless flirt ♡

I aim to please (hopefully) :D

Cooking is Love made Edible (or is it?) - 6.4k Words - Rated T

Summary:

“Wei-xiansheng, please don't,” Jingyi – the Finance intern – begged. “Now if it isn't my favourite intern! I see you’re jealous of me bestowing Lan Zhan with my affections. So for once, I’ll let you have the first taste!”

In which everyone works in the same company, privacy is but a myth and idiocy is in abundance. Feat. Finance Manager Lan Wangji and the bane of his existence, Marketing Manager Wei Wuxian.

Or as my friend summarized the office environment:

Everyone trying to escape Wei Wuxian's life And being sucked in anyway

Fic under the cut!

“Lan Zhan! Lan-gege! Oh wait, you have an older brother, so I guess you’re Er-gege! Lan-er-gege! Look at me look at me!” Wei Ying, the Marketing manager flailed around his desk as if he had nothing better to do. He probably didn't, having charmed all his coworkers into waiting on him hand and foot.

“Work hours are not the time to be messing around,” Lan Wangji muttered, loud enough for Wei Ying to hear. The manager ignored him in favour of pulling out a suspicious-looking container from his bag.

“Look what I made you! It's gingerbread cookies because CEO Lan once spoke about how you liked them. I even sprinkled them with icing sugar just the way you like it!” 

All around him, Lan Wangji heard his subordinates groan. As a finance manager, Lan Wangji delighted in his limited day-to-day human interaction. He knew his subordinates shared the same ideals because the first time Wei Ying strode into that room to introduce himself loudly, one of his employees was startled so badly he fainted.

Lan Wangji didn't like stereotyping, but for once he wished Wei Ying paid attention to the tense atmosphere and forced civility between their departments. After all, it was a well-known fact that the Marketing and Finance departments rarely got along despite their collaboration being the thing that kept firms going.

“Aren't you going to try it, Er-gege? Don't worry about being polite, I made enough for everyone!” 

More groans were heard as the accountants and auditors began shuffling around, trying to escape Wei Ying’s murderous cooking. It was no secret in the firm that Wei Ying had no cooking skills whatsoever; the man was talented in the art of ruining things so badly that rumours about him making the company’s microwave explode ran rampant. The Finance department was in agreement that Wei Ying was sent by Marketing to put an end to their rivalry by means of murder. Meng Yao’s cunning smile every time one of them looked nauseous post-Wei Ying was all the more reason for them to tread carefully.

Lan Wangji would've put an end to the gossip mill if he hadn't been the first to fall victim to Wei Ying’s bad cooking attempts. Many in the office wondered if Wei Ying lacked self-awareness or if he was sadistic and thrived on others’ pain. Some even bet that he was a mafia enforcer in his previous life. But regardless of everything, Wei Ying would always come bearing some culinary nightmare or another on payday. No one knew why he just wouldn't stop, and frankly, Lan Wangji had stopped racking his brain over that mystery too.

Read the rest of the fic here!

Edit: This was supposed to be a oneshot but I got the sudden urge to post the vandalizing incident and the beginning of the end (cooking fiasco's humble beginnings)... so now there's two drabbles which I posted as chapter 2... have fun ig

[waitineedaname]

i love jiang cheng because you know, he's this great sect leader, the badass sandu shengshou, serves cunt in every scene he's in, etc etc., but he's also -- and I cannot emphasize this enough -- a fucking loser

[goldthorn-archive]

Emma!Clegan au

“John Clarence Egan, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-four years in the world with very little to distress or vex him.”

Well, his brother-in-law, Mr. Cleven, does vex him. Constantly. And Mr. Cleven? Well, Mr. Cleven should like to see John in love.

(title tbd)

[crimeronan]

Hunter after just one night of Amity and Luz constantly checking on each other's bedroom: OK so Luz's safety obviously requires us to use the bedroom she slept in last night as a decoy with an illusion of Luz and everything, and oh I guess that leaves us with just one viable bedroom...

SNORT. i was just thinking he'd grumpily throw pillows at both of them like "are both of you gonna wake me up again??? or will you stop being stupid and just share the damn bed." hunter currently exists in a position of enormous privilege called I Have Never Been Physically Attracted To Either Of You that makes him Extremely unsympathetic to amity and luz's respective bed-sharing hangups.

framing it as a luz safety thing IS hilarious though.