#bad jokes to cope

[kitty-gray]

"You took yourself away from me" motherfucker you left the country

[slabime]

been doing a Lot of sketching sorry for posting so much auughh. all the yuri is requests from twitter.

[ventresses]

Anyone else noticed how Kaminoans like Nala Se and Taun We have soft voices like the gentle whispering of angels, whereas Lama Su's voice sounds like he's smoked 2 packs a day for the past 40 years???

[siriusfelis]

Marcille hungover eating a big sloppy nasty burger 😭😭

[alchemicaladarna]

I like how back then, the worst fate your cubitos could suffer is getting kidnapped

And then everyone realized they could make their audiences suffer if they just kill their cubitos

"GIRRLLLL GETTING KIDNAPPED IS SOOO LAST SEASON HOW ABOUT TRYING THE NEW TREND OF DYING?? 🙄💅"

[sauronnaise]

Legolas: Merry Christmas!

Gimli: Merry Christmas!

Sam: Merry Christmas!

Frodo: Merry Christmas!

Merry: Merry Christmas!

Pippin: Pippin Christmas!

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Sorry but if I was paying $250k, I’d want the full Titanic experience, including being railed in the back of a 1912 Renault Type CB Town car by a young 90s era Leonardo DiCaprio until my hand leaves a print on the window

[punkeropercyjackson]

'We need to get weirder about gender!!!'You guys can't even handle femme transmascs who don't wanna be called f*mboys,binary feminine trans women or fucking afab she/theys

[kylejsugarman]

“jesse. i don’t know. WHAT would make you think that i would EVER sell you to one direction. really, just calm down and think about this logically, think about it. what would i possibly gain from selling you to one direction?? i don’t even know how one would get into contact with them. please, just take a moment and think—really think—about who WOULD be able to contact such a famous band. a man of high social standing, right?? a notable businessman, who—what?? this envelope of loose british pounds in my hand?? jesse, ive always had this—”

[sonicskullsalt]

when 3 guys sit on a couch and talk directly to camera, it's always a great day for yt drama

[rockwgooglyeyes]

Perhaps it's just one of those differences between the way that people experience fandom- obviously, we're all going to process a story in a different way than someone else because we're all different people from each other- but one of the most peculiar things for me about being part of a fandom, especially one so deeply mired in character death (Alien Stage) is the way that . . . well, the idea of the actor au isn't comforting to me. It probably has something to do with the way that I am but alternate universes and the idea that the characters are just actors playing parts, well, it doesn't really help me to reconcile the deaths of the characters I love. It feels kind of like when someone fakes their death in a story and their loved ones still grieve them because grief is an emotional response not a rational one. Like, it's pathetic to say but I'm still grieving Ivan's death. I'm still not over it. Literally I almost broke down crying in a Thai restaurant about him about a week ago because I heard My Love Mine All Mine and thought of him.

I don't know what it is exactly but perhaps it has something to do with the way that, for me, aus and the canon storyline are separate in my mind, almost as if they're different stories entirely. Especially with the way that in the ALNST actor au, they are actually different characters who act differently and have relationships unrelated to their canon counterparts, it's hard for me to be like "oh yeah, mizisua and ivantill are fine because they're just actors!" because that doesn't help me cope, personally. Because even though they share the same names, that isn't ivantill and mizisua to me. They're different characters, living out different lives, and not in the way that regular aus are where they're more or less the same characters but in a different font but the actor au and canon are entirely separate in my mind, different guys. But that's probably just a me thing.

[erika-xero]

y'all just don't realise the power of being able to hide your likes. some of you never lived in a country where you can get jailed for leaving a like on a post and it shows ____ UPD: you now can also get jailed for an artwork randomly popping out on your dash

[call-me-pup2]

On the train zooming! Might as well have wore a scuba suit with the weather though, going to go charity shop hunting for a cute waterproof trench coat so with me luck!

[nethhiri]

Marooned: Chapter 37

Kid x FemReader x Killer

Warnings: mentions of violence, suggestive themes

Connections

Kid had been ready to rip into you for doing something so stupid. What you did was reckless and brave and if it weren't for that stunt, he was certain that they would have taken a lot more damage. If it were anyone else, even if it were you several weeks ago, he wouldn't care. He hated that he cared. Kid hated watching you toss and turn. It reminded him of his own weaknesses and his own struggles with traumatic events in his life. He couldn't do anything to fight a foe without a form. A physical thing he could punch was so much easier. When he found out that Wire and Killer ignored your cautions, he was even more pissed. It took him a while to come around to the fact that you were a skilled captain, yet it was plain to see. They should have trusted you. Luckily for them all, you were prepared. 

It did make him grin to think that you put enough trust in him to catch you before you fell into the ocean or crashed onto the deck. He didn't like that you did it in the first place, but it was something that gave him a warm feeling on the inside. Any time he dwelled on it for too long, he got anxious. He swore that he would never keep someone he liked on the ship. Neither him nor Killer could go through another Victoria situation, and if something developed further between you and either of them, it would be a very real possibility. He knew that you could handle yourself. Still, he worried. What if there came a time you couldn't? What then? He instinctively wanted to protect you, but knew that he would be putting himself at risk if he was distracted by wondering where you were on the battlefield or if you were okay. Not to mention you would probably be pissed at him if he did and take it as an insult.

Selfishly, and against his better judgement, he wanted you to stay. It was nice to have someone like you on the ship. You were strong above all else, but you were also funny, fucked up, and a little kinky. Maybe your looks were an acquired taste for some, to him though, you were hot. He wouldn't lie, it was a huge plus to have a woman warming his bed who wasn't a whore, and not just when they were docked. Killer didn't cut it in that department, no matter what kind of panties Kid made him wear, and the girls on the ship didn't find him attractive in that way. Best of all, and some probably wouldn't be so positive towards it, you spread the love. He was certainly in a better mood when you fucked him. Killer was, too. For the rest of the day after your little dalliance with the four of them, Heat was grinning ear to ear with a pink dusting to his cheeks. Kid knew Heat really had kept your wanted poster in his room, not under his pillow as you surmised. In reality, it was worse. It was your face that Heat had done a bit of arts and crafts with and pasted onto the body of some naked lady from a magazine. Kid made a mental note to find it and show you sometime. They had bullied him relentlessly for it. And dare he say, even Wire was in a better mood since then, whistling in the hallway. It was such a simple thing, for a woman's touch to bring such comfort, and Kid was grateful for it if it meant his officers, his friends, felt some form of happiness. Jerking off was one thing, but having something soft to hold and talk to was entirely different. Killer said it had something to do with 'mommy issues' but Kid refused to listen to this theory.��

It pained Kid when you screamed at the lot of them. Knowing you weren't in your right mind didn't help much. The pain in your eyes and in your voice was so vivid, he felt like he was the one that perpetrated some vile thing against you. He was sure he physically recoiled. Killer was somewhat more accustomed to it, having dealt with Kid's own nightmares and triggers. They had assumed that you went through some kind of trauma at the hands of marines. Contrary to what you thought, both of them had noticed the multitudes of scars that covered the inside of your thighs, your chest, your ass. It was clear that some of them weren't made from weapons. Some were bite marks or cigarette burns. 

Kid was uncomfortable. He didn't know how to console you. He stood awkwardly in front of you while Killer had his arm around you. Maybe he should pat your head? Say something encouraging? He ended up sighing and leaving this to Killer. Frustrated that he was useless for situations like these, he went to his workshop, which only made him feel worse, staring at where the giant hole used to be. Did he really annoy you that much? That you finally gave in and repaired the wall? 

Killer was wracked with guilt for not listening to you. He could tell you were trying to be good by not arguing with him and that you were slighted that neither he nor Wire trusted your instincts. If he had only listened, you wouldn't be in this state right now. The tears had finally stopped. The sleeve of his shirt thoroughly soaked with them. You pressed into his side, like you wanted to meld into him and disappear. He felt you take deep breaths to calm yourself. 

"Do you want to take a bath?" Killer prompted. "It might make you feel better." 

"Shower's fine." Your voice came out gravelly. You agreed that the warm water would make you feel better. If you hadn't just woken up, a good hard cry was usually followed by a good hard nap.

When you were done, Killer was in his room with a bowl of soup waiting for you. The warmth soothed your throat as you ate. 

"I apologize for not listening to you," he said.

You studied him briefly, deciding what to say. It didn't matter what you said. What's done is done. You weren't an officer on this ship, so you shouldn't have expected to be treated like one. "Apology accepted."

"If it makes you feel better, Kid yelled at us."

That piqued your curiosity. "Did he now?" A weak smile graced your lips. "That does make me feel better."

"Don't be a wise-ass. He's gonna yell at you, too."

"For what?!"

"For doing something batshit insane!"

"What does he care?"

"He cares," Killer lowered his voice, unsure if he should have said that. 

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you care?"

"Of course I care. I care about everyone on this ship."

You hummed. "I think I'm through being a crybaby for today. The pity party is over."

"It's okay to cry you know. You can take your time getting back to work." 

"I'm fine, Killer. Thanks though." You weren't going to argue with him. It wasn't okay to cry, not in your book. You were already ashamed that they saw you in that state. Full-on sobbing and having a semi-mental breakdown in front of Kid and Killer was inexcusable to you. How were they supposed to see you as strong and a worthy member of the Kid Pirates if you did shit like that?

You went to the infirmary, figuring you would have to tidy up, but also because you wanted to see Mini. Before you went in, you hesitated by the door to Kid's workshop, wondering if you should tell him you were back on service. Killer would probably let him know. There wasn't much to clean up, to your shock. Someone had probably cleaned it after taking care of the wounded. You did feel a bit guilty for being unavailable to do your actual assigned job. 

There was a knock at the door. You weren't expecting anyone, least of all, Wire. The tall man ducked through the doorway. Often, you wondered how you would look in his outfit. Mesh bralette, leather hot pants, fishnets. You could definitely get behind it. It was rare to see on a man, but he pulled it off. It would look better on you, in your opinion. He didn't say anything as he came up to you and you couldn't read him.

"Can I help you?" You said cautiously.

"We should have listened to you. I'm sorry."

"I don't know if Heat or Killer asked you to come here, but you don't have to apologize to me if you're just doing it to appease them." It was fine. You were over it.

He looked angry for a second. "No one asked me. I'm apologizing to you, so accept it or don't. I don't care." 

"Oh." That took you aback. "Accepted then."

He stood there uneasily, like there was something more he wanted. 

"Is there.... something else?" 

"I don't hate you." 

Your eyebrow went up.

"You think I hate you, but I don't. I was...am... distrustful of you."

"I think that's fair." You would be the same way, though you didn't presume he would tell you to your face.

A look of relief flashed over his face. He must have thought you would be mad or something, also fair, since you tend to react with fists. 

"How much more pussy do you need to trust me?"

His face went entirely red. "Wha-? I don't- That's not why I came here." 

"I'm teasing. Kind of..." You said the last bit under your breath. "Lighten up."

"Actually... I also wanted to say... um the other day... I don't think those things of you either." 

"The marine whore bit?" You smirked. "I know. You were playing your part well and I did literally ask for that." You continued, "You know I never fucked marines? Only pirates."

Wire was amused by the factoid. "Why?"

Shrugging, "Felt dangerous I guess?"

Wire nodded in understanding. "Now that you're a pirate, will you fuck marines?" He was fucking with you.

"So they can wow me with their prowess in missionary and ability to never make a woman cum? I'll pass."

Wire shook his head disapprovingly and ducked back out of the infirmary. 

No one else came to visit you. Out of boredom, you pressed your ear to the wall, trying to see what Kid was up to. You heard things banging around in there a while ago. The only thing you could make out was the extra loud cursing whenever he fucked up or hurt himself. That made you smirk. What a dumbass. Turning your attention to Mini, you flopped down by the boar. She grunted in agreement. She was bored too. 

"I need to practice more with my fruit." You scratched her head. "Wanna fight or something?" There was absolutely no way you were cleared medically to do that, but who was gonna tell you no? You were the doctor.

Now was the perfect time to spar. You were still full by the time dinner came around. While everyone was enjoying dinner, you and Minerva took up the sparring deck. For a warmup, you grabbed her tusks and tried to push her backwards. Your efforts didn't budge her and when she actually pushed, you were knocked flat on your back. Using your fruit to augment your muscles, you tried again. This time you could move her, but you were still knocked flat when she pushed back. There were some other things you wanted to try with your fruit, but you wanted to wait until you had more test subjects in case it whatever you did was irreversible. You stepped up your strength in small increments until you could match Minerva's full strength.  The issue was your body couldn't support that much extra musculature, reduced to exhaustion in only a few minutes, so you undid most of it. Instead, you picked up a spear and sparred with Minerva that way. That way, you could both build skills, remembering how to fight with a spear for you, and learning how to avoid a spear for her. Next time she encountered a spear, she would know how to avoid it. The session was over after you were both tired and locked in a stalemate. 

Sighing, you went to the main mast. It looked the same as it always had. Felt the same, too. If only you could access that same power whenever you wanted. Maybe the only limits on your power were mental. The rules for your power were kind of self-made, when you were trying to figure out what you could and couldn't do. But that didn't mean those were actually the rules. You were sick of rules. You followed enough as a marine. 

You made your way to the bow of the ship, to sit in the skull. Taking out your eye, you checked the log pose needles. They still pointed in the same direction. Giemsa's didn't move anymore. You found yourself checking less and less. There were still a handful days until you got out of Big Mom's territory. One more guard post. Though word would have gotten out now that they were sailing through these waters and that many of her crew had fallen to the sword of the Kid Pirates. It wouldn't be easy. 

"Not hungry?" Heat's voice came from next to you. 

"Nah."

"You okay?" 

You nodded.

"Mind if I join you here?"

"You're already doing it."

He sat down next to you. 

You scooted closer to him and leaned against his shoulder. If he was gonna be here, might as well keep you warm. "You're so hot." 

"Thanks. So are you." His mind short-circuited not expecting the sudden compliment. 

You pulled away and looked at him with your head cocked. "I meant like temperature hot."

A blush rose to his cheeks. "I knew that." 

"Heat, you dog." You decided that the cure to your boredom would be flustering Heat. "Are you trying to fuck me?" 

"I'm abstinent." 

"Yeah you really abstained the other day." You moved to face him, hands on his knees, leaning forward.

"It's a new thing." He was grinning. 

You acted like you were going to kiss him, giving him a peck on the cheek last second. "That's okay. I respect your choices. We can just be friends." You snickered when you heard the tiniest whine, returning to your spot next to him. Leaning against him again, you asked him, "We are friends, right?"

"Yeah?" He didn't know what you were getting at.

"I didn't know if the other day... if it messed things up. I like having you as a friend."

He put his hand on your knee. "Why would you think that? Friends fuck all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but you get it." 

"I don't." You looked at him sheepishly. "I never really had friends. Or if I did once, they're probably dead." 

"So that would make me your first friend, and, by default, your best friend."

"Don't say that too loudly. Quincy will fight you on that." You laughed. "I guess it's true though. You were the first person that was nice to me."

Heat put his arm around your shoulders, keeping you nice and toasty in the crisp sea breeze. Doubtless, talking to him got you out of the weird mood you had been in. The two of you enjoyed the soft rocking of the ship, watching the reflection of the stars in the water until it was time to retreat back to your own cabins for the night. 

Next Chapter

[promptsforyourwhumpfic]

Whump Prompt #1086

Anon asked:

Need me some prompts for a really happy-go-lucky character who hides their traumas behind a witty remark and a cocky smile

Happy go-lucky is a trope I’ve modelled an OC on so:

Nothing appears to phase the character at first: even when it really should. 

When the Worst Stuff is revealed about their past, everyone is sat in horrified shock except your character, who passes the whole thing off as a funny story. The character shrugs and says ‘and I’m still alive so... I’ll drink to that.’

The ‘it is what it is’ mentality. Someone is mean to them? They’ve heard worse. They’re injured? ‘Not as bad as the last time.’ They’ve just witnessed something horrific? ‘Eh, at least no-one died in my arms this time.’

They’ve learnt to craft their backstory into something more humorous to reduce the impact it has on other people. 

“Hahah, well actually I’ve dealt with this before. It’s a funny story really, I was nearly executed for...”

Maybe one day they can’t hold it in anymore. That One Thing is enough to push them over the edge. Maybe they drink, maybe they do something else self destructive and it all comes out. There’s no cocky smile, there’s no joke; your character is being 100% real and It’s jarring for the caretakers... but also a relief that the trauma is finally being addressed. 

[phantom-of-the-keurig]