#bad end the nunnery

[threepandas]

Bad End: The Nunnery

The Queen's portrait was a magnificent thing. A masterpiece of light and color, detail and delicate symbolism. She was immortalized. Forever in the prime in her life. The height of her beauty. Regal and magnificent as the day the King first saw her.

She was gazing to the left, face cool, and too those who might not know her? She might even seem cold. But, according to her? She had been a WRECK. Terribly nervous that she would trip or embarrass herself. She had been, after all, new to this country. Still uncertain. Standing before a VERY important figure in both the social and political circles of her new home.

So she defaulted to her "princess mask" as she called it.

Focused on her maid.

It? Was one of many such stories the Queen has told me. Over tea. On walks in her garden. Practicing etiquette or dancing. At meals. The King often joining in fondly. Reminiscing about those earnest and awkward early days in their marriage. Assuring me that my own will be just as warm and lovely.

But...

I know it will not.

Otome games. Oh, otome games. Why did I ever love you? What could I have done to anger you so? That you would cast me in to a role such as this? The woman to be scorned. Who must dedicate her life, work and work and WORK... only to have it all ripped away. Have everything she's ever known stolen by some upstart. One with no training, no support, no IDEA of what she's doing.

Who will lead everyone and everything to disaster, RUIN, with her careless tounge and unthinking ways.

Too Rule is not a GAME.

It is a SACRIFICE.

The crown not some trinket you wear just to match your DRESS! The crown prince some man you marry for mere LOVE! If love comes, you are blessed. Lucky. But the reality is? You sit on a chair that bleeds you dry. Beneath a crown of suffering. Asked to make impossible choices. Blamed for things beyond your control. Expected to live, bleed, then die there.

With some gods damned DIGNITY.

Can she do that? CAN SHE? Your pretty, flower brained, indecisive child of a lover? The one who is so "different" and so "carefree"? Who's lives has she held in her hands? What futures? Does she even KNOW who our current trade partners are? What the tax on sheep's wool is?

For that matter...

Where were YOU?

No. My husband to be? Will never marry me. I know there will be no happy ending here. And... and it hurts. Because dispite KNOWING my "role"? My destiny? Time moves slowly. Day by day. And I have a schedule to keep. A part I must play.

Unlike my Cannon counterpart, I am not haughty. Nor am I cruel. I behave as best I can, for a young lady of my station. Dignity, compassion, but with leadership. I am being trained, after all, to be the future Queen.

I play with my young brother-in-laws. Rolling balls in the flower garden. Clapping games. Listening to them practicing their reading. And as they grow, practicing their swords. I attend my lessons. Attend the rare party. Barely see my birth parents, who were only too happy to all but sell me off for power.

And my fiance?

Can barely tolerate me.

Cruel "jokes" and mud. Only getting angrier when I do not shriek and howl like the upset child he expected I would be. The more he gets punished for trying to torment me, the worse a witch I apparently am. Clearly, having planned it all. His poor mother is distraught. His father furious with his tutors. Who is allowing this behavior, they wonder? It is certainly not them.

But they can not be everywhere. So instead, I am brought where they can supervise. I do not mind. Find quite joy in how the Queen plays with my hair instead of her fan. How the King will pick me up, when I was small enough, to place me on his lap and show me his work. Then sets aside a chair, so we may "work together" as though my lesson's work could ever rival his own in importance.

They had wanted a daughter.

Love their sons.

But...and here they always trail off. The weight of something heavy and unsaid passing between them. The King hand usually warm, cradling, on my head. They do not want to say it. Worry me so young. Or worse, traumatize me.

After all... the King's family has a nasty paternal lineage trait, in which boys tend to try and kill the competition. Be it their siblings, parent's, or sons. They don't... share well. It had been flavor text in the game. For the "only kind to me" type prince.

Daughters however? Generally normal. Tend to take after their mothers.

The King had widely been known to want twenty and maybe a prince... if he HAD too.

They got several prince's instead. Worse, it had nearly killed her Grace to give birth to them. After that? The King refused to try again. Turned his hopes to his future daughters-in-law instead. It... it was beyond what I could have ever dreamed.

It was WARM. Dream like.

Gentle.

They radiated the sort of strength and dignity that made you WANT to listen. To lean into them and be protected. Sitting with the Queen in her parlor, side by side, as I leaned against her? Cradled against soft fabric and rich dyes. Her unique perfume delicately filling the air like tendrils of mist in a dream, the scent of tea and the melodic hum of her voice as she talked. It was like a beautiful trance sometimes.

Or when the King took me riding on his massive beast of a warhorse, just because he knew I loved the scared up old menace. I had to sit practically in his lap, side saddle, because the old grouch was a gremlin who wouldn't behave otherwise. But WOULD let me pet them with enough bribes.

I... I tried to be a good child.

A daughter they could think fondly off.

And... and I knew it would HURT. It would HURT so, so fucking bad. Not to lose my ASS of a fiance. No, he was a fool. But... but to lose the closest thing I had to parents in this world. I... I didn't want to go...

But.

BUT!

If I must? Then I would be well trained. Have a spotless reputation and dignity befit a royal. His Majesty could no doubt help me find a new engagement befitting my station. And I doubted her Grace would just toss me aside. I... I hoped.

When the Protagonist came? It was every nightmare I'd ever had. Endless scandal and horrifying indignity. Even my political rivals, my social foes, were grimacing. Were taking me aside to "freshen my make up" so I wouldn't have to see my intended behaving so... unforgivably.

Just fornicate in public, why don't you?

Can't be any LESS subtle.

I held the fiancee of the heir to Minister of Defense, a lovely girl I had known but not well, as she wept. The son of the prime minister's fiancee stared, grim faced, into the distance. She had come from several nations away as part of an alliance. I offered her my guest rooms. Whatever she should need.

Things spiraled.

They played out their happly little love story. Acting as fluttering children as their actions caused chaos and destruction all around them. She refused to choose. Somehow her father allowed this. I kept myself in the public eye, knowing better then to hide, for all that I desperately wished too. It payed off.

Someone tried to frame me. Spread terrible rumors about henious acts. To bad that everyone had SEEN me suffering with dignity and grace, in public where they could watch me.

It seems I was not the only one to reincarnate.

Why could not just be happy? Fall "in love" and steal one live from one soul? Was your greed so great? Did it really anger you that much? That I would not play along?

It certainly angered His Majesty, the rumors. They were unforgivable, according to Her Grace. But... BUT, sadly, the girl was pregnant. And the idiot was their son. The other idiots their allies foolish, foolish offspring. What could be done?

Simple.

Send them to His Majesty's brother.

It was, after all, tradition to spread out after coming of age. What with the whole "I want you dead" tendency that ran in their family. All the better so as to not step on metaphorical toes, as it were. And the King? Had one surviving (for now) brother. The high priest of the High Northern Temple. Good and remote.

Perfect for banishment and a life of reflection.

That, however, left me I reminded them. I was met with matching smiles. Adopted or marry the next youngest prince! Obviously. Ah. I see. But wouldn't that be-?

The queen takes me arm, tucking it in hers, and tells me not to worry about it. Leads me towards the gardens. Have I seen the new flowers they've just ordered? They are quite lovely. I had not. I let myself be distracted. Lean my head against the Queens shoulder as we walk. And finally... relax.

I'm safe.

The Queen smiles. We are joined by the King, his expression warm. I feel at peace. Protected. Treasured. I love them so much. A warm and perfect family. I'm glad I don't have to leave. I say as much and they laugh, hugging me.

"Oh, of COURSE Darling! We would NEVER let you go!"

"That's right, my dearest. You're here forever."

[hazelfoureyes]

⟢Alastor x Cupid FemReader Tasked with making a demon believe in true love or you can’t return to heaven, things immediately go off the rails when you hurt yourself and Alastor catches one of your most troubling arrows; Mania

I managed to finish this despite, ya know, the aforementioned: (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

˚₊ · »-♡→ Week 1 and Week 2 (keep reading)

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 3 and Week 4 smut💦

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, and Epilogue smut💦

「warnings/promises: Alastor x CupidFemReader, broken bones, feet washing, normal sized Luci, you know the outfit in my PFP? You’re wearing that but soft purple and the bottom half is ambiguous because idk baby whatever you feel best in it’s your story, Husk has a bad time, Alastor has a bad time, You have a bad time, Charlie has a great time 👌🏼, not choking」

Minors this one is chill but the next two imma need you to Dni 💋 ♥️ 🧹lovingly

You had made a mistake, yes, but Hell? Really?

Sure, you had dropped an arrow into the water supply of a nunnery which did lead to some unholy behaviors. But! The nuns seemed quite happy. Wasn’t that the point?

Tossing you to Hell through a hastily opened portal was honestly unprofessional. You ended up dropping three stories, upside down, in front of a butcher's shop.

In the seconds between Sera telling you, ‘You can return when you’ve made a sinner believe in true love.’ and Lute kicking you square in the chest through the hell door, you thought it wouldn’t be so hard. True, you couldn’t use your arrows as that wouldn’t be “true love” and also too easy, even gods weak to your shots, but ultimately sinners were still human. Humans were pushovers! Pliable, gentle at their hearts, desiring love and tenderness. How bad could the naughty ones be? 

And then you landed shoulder first onto the pavement. It hurt. Things didn’t hurt in heaven…

Your arrows scattered, quiver spilling when you inverted. Wincing, you scrambled to grab as many as were within reach. Your right shoulder was burning, a new sensation.

You counted them by name as you gathered: Eros, Agape, Philia, Pragma, Philautia, Ludus, Storge… panic. 

ErosAgapePhiliaPragmaPhilautiaLudusStorge— Mania wasn’t there. Arguably the arrow that caused you the most trouble, the sting of Mania would cause a madness that led to obsessive behaviors, possessiveness, jealousy. 

Pulling yourself up, arrows clutched in one hand, the other holding the place near your collar was throbbing, your eyes were frantic in their search.

“What’s this?”

You finally looked up from the sidewalk, a man’s back to you before he turned. Bile rose and burned your throat as he pulled Mania from where it had pierced his chest pocket.

His eyes, shades of red heaven didn’t even entertain, made a simple trip from the arrow's head to your face.

The man went so still you thought for a moment he was a hologram, but you could see the tiniest rise and fall of his chest. A deer facing down a bright light, he remained frozen in place as you began to approach him.

“Excuse my manners, but that’s mine and I really need it back.” Your injured arm moved first and the pain made you see white, a cry so sharp people turned to look. He snapped back to his senses, and with an odd sound you couldn’t quite place, he seemingly disappeared into the ground.

Mania was left behind, shining smugly against the dirty pavement. You didn’t want to make a reach for it, fear flooding you. You’d never felt pain before.

You’d seen it in humans, but never in your existence had you experienced it. Would both arms hurt?

You let the left hand abandon its guarding place and grabbed the errant arrow. Tucking into an alley, you crouched and returned the arrows to their quiver with immense difficulty.

Okay, yes it was Hell but maybe you were a little paranoid. A sense of being watched wouldn't leave you even after you re-emerged from the darkness of the alley. 

The enormity of your task set in as you surveyed the area. You, an obviously heavenly creature even without your wings out on display, would need time to make anyone believe in any form of love. Where would you go in the meantime? And now injured for the first time in your life? How long would that need to mend?

Expanding your view, you saw the currently defunct doomsday countdown hovering above the embassy. Perfect, holy ground would atleast keep you safe for the night, which was falling with a malignant speed.

They couldn’t have given you some time to change? Or pack a set of clothes? Your short sleeved button up a (literally) glowing shade of white was attracting too much attention, golden sandals now cloudy from various fluids across Pentagram city’s streets. Your heart shaped overalls a powdered purple, you looked like an adult child among a sea of very tired professionals. 

When you got to the embassy you only had one good arm to open the heavy doors, which unfortunately didn’t budge. Perhaps you needed two? Trying to muster up some adrenaline, you began to pant. Deep breaths like the women in labour you sometimes worked your magic on.

As soon as you gripped the handle you saw something that made you jump back, muscles flexing around whatever damage you’d done in your body from the fall. A large black snake? Some demonic squid’s appendage? Something unholy grabbed hold of the handle as soon as you had and gave such a tug the doors violently shook.

You spun around to the dark neighborhood behind you. Nothing. Turning back the thing was gone. And so was all of your hope. It was locked. The tears were unwanted and unnecessary, but just-- you were hurting so much, you were dirty, you were alone, and now essentially homeless.

If there was ever a reason to cry, you decided to let yourself have this one. 

The lamplights flickered and the entire street went pitch black. Because of course it did.

Hyperventilating now entirely without intention, you watched as one light to the left popped on with a static buzz. Desperate to be out of the darkness you ran to the spotlight. As soon as your foot entered the beam, the light beside it lit up. Your eyes wandered to heaven above, were they helping you? Had you not been entirely abandoned?

Of course! Yeah. They sensed you at the doors and sent off some guidance. How silly of you. Relief washed over you as you ran through the lights until your foot left one spotlight but the next hadn't popped on.

Twirling back to the embassy, you saw all of the lights shut off in succession behind you.

Just you and the one lamp now, and the glow of some TVs in the shop window to the right. What was the meaning of this? 

That weird sound you heard earlier but couldn’t place… electricity but dusty and barely contained. Your gaze was drawn to the radio in the shop window in front of you. You hadn’t noticed it until it buzzed to life. It lit up faintly, dial turning on its own until a high and smooth voice rang out, “Looking for your way to heaven? You’re in luck! The Hazbin Hotel is now accepting any and all willing to find redemption!”

This must have been the message, I mean, heaven was never good at being subtle.

“Just make your way to the left and toward the looming building atop the hill!”

Your head turned to your left and then up slightly. Bathed in red and white lights stood a behemoth of a building on the edge of a cliff.

Head still facing the hotel, your eyes flitted back to the radio.

“Reception is open 24 hours a day!”

You touched your arm, then patted at your pockets. Not a wallet or ID card on you. You were the 17th Cupid incarnation, why would you have a fucking ID card? But didn’t those places need such things? You’d seen every romcom earth had ever produced. There was always some issue with hotel check ins. 

“Not a red cent needed! We literally do not care who you are!”

Oh. Wait. Was this a trap?

“Created by the Lucifer Morningstar’s daughter! A foolish young woman who genuinely believes in reforming sinners!”

Lucifer?? The former angel, yes, but the word angel carried much more weight now. Perhaps he would have a modicum of pity given your circumstances.

You took an unsteady foot forward and toward the hotel when the street lights all buzzed back to life.

The path to the hotel was long, many demons stopping you on your way but quickly losing interest after a second or two of pestering you. You gave a silent prayer to the archangels for that blessing.

It must have been nearly 1am when you finally made it to the hotel’s doors. When you entered you found an empty reception desk and a poorly written note:

Before the bell’s hammer even hit the metal, a man popped up from behind the counter.

The man.

The man you shot with Mania.

“Welcome to th-,”

You were outside and leaving the awning before he could finish, but just as quickly as you left he appeared in front of you, “Still missing your manners?”

He blocked your path with his remarkable size. Why were demons so tall? What was the use of it?

“Deer got your tongue?” He bent over unnaturally at the waist.

“What?”

“Would you like-,” he began.

You walked around him and down the driveway. He moved briskly beside you, slowly growing larger and larger until his body was several stories tall and entirely blocking the gates of the premises.

A horror. Hell was full of horrors.

He crouched, large toothy smile now baring down at you.

If you stabbed him in the eye with an arrow, which would cause the least trouble? It was a rule to never give a double love bite but this was a dire situation.

But if you were sent to hell for a little nun love fest, what would purposefully stabbing a sinner do?

He rapidly shrank, hands coming to his front to catch a summoned microphone…Cane? Staff?

“You’re injured. Just, come back inside. I promise I don’t bite without consent.” His head cocked to the side, a quiet, “Usually” tacked on.

We’re you visibly hurt? How bad was it? You looked past him to where sounds of yelling and music were rolling up the hill.

“You don’t have many options, angel.” He hissed the word through clenched teeth. Disgust almost seemed to lace his voice, but why, then, was he offering help?

“Not an angel. Cupid. Different.” Kind of. You gave the quiver a shake.

“Ah yes. That explains why you shot at me earlier.” A large hand came to your side and directed you to turn back around. He kept it there, pushing softly to keep you moving.

“I didn't shoot you.”, You huffed, crossing your arms before doubling over in pain. He stopped walking, hand resting now against your spine. Regaining your composure, you continued towards the hotel lobby, “My arrows fell out and…you caught one. With your body.”

“My pocket made quite the lucky catch. Now!” He snapped, a key appearing and floating into his hand with a sparkle of neon green, “Let’s get you to a room and cleaned up.”

“Do you work here?” You asked as he escorted you to one of the upper floors. The room was surprisingly clean and well decorated. You had expected a dingy highway motel. And while the room was largely dark wood and rich colors, it wasn’t as offensive as the rest of hell had been.

“Ah! My my, forgive me! I am Alastor, the radio demon and hotel manager here.” He bowed and offered his hand for you to place yours in. You did so without thinking, and he kissed your knuckles once but his mouth lingered over your flesh. Eyes half lidded, he glanced back up at you, “It is an absolute pleasure to meet you.”

There was no way to reverse Cupid’s arrows. Not by force. Love could only die by the hands of the ones who held it. Others could definitely bruise it, but ultimately it was up to the beholder. Mania was a little different, obsession could be dispelled by shattering whatever illusion the holder felt.

If the holder thought someone was the epitome of genteel chastity then a show of wanton sexuality could break the spell. If someone was convinced the object of their desire was very smart and savvy then acting ignorant could make the obsession fall flat. But there was no indication he had any illusions of you. Not yet, atleast.

Mania was now his, and he would keep it in his heart until he lost it or killed it. He could, technically, be possessed by, and be in the possession of, Mania for eternity. A sinner had never been shot before, that you knew of.

He didn’t noticeably react as you took back your hand. With a hum, he snapped again and you found a chair pulled up behind you and knocking into the back of your knees. You fell into the plush armchair, watching a metal basin of steaming water slide against your feet.

“Excuse you— ExcUU-,” you pulled your legs back but he pulled harder, Alastor removing your dirty shoes and tossing them off to the side like trash.

“You can't clean yourself with that broken collar bone. Allow me.” His hand gripped your ankles and dunked both into the water, “I insist.”

“It’s broken? How could I break a collarbone…,” the humor wasn’t lost on you, sinner washing holy feet, but your focus was entirely on the concept of a broken bone. 

“Falling twenty five feet head first, apparently.” Alastor rubbed soap into your calves.

“But I don’t break.” What happened to you, what had that kick into hell done? “You saw me? Also, that isn’t dirty.” you pointed at your calf.

“Peripherally.”

Did he mean the dirt or witnessing the fall? You sat in silence while he hummed, returning your feet to their original color. 

“Now,” he rose, patting his hands dry on a small towel, “Unbutton your top.”

Your expression was apparently quite loud, Alastor putting his hands up quickly, “Not like that. I’ve no interest in that sort of thing. I need to see your shoulder and upper chest.” He waited patiently, staring at you the entire time. His smile was so wide, teeth yellow and sharp. Unsettling. 

He really did look like he could eat you. You’d heard of such demons.

You slipped off the straps of your overalls, and began to open your shirt. He did away with the water, coming to kneel directly to your right as he watched. You couldn’t see anything without some kind of mirror. If it was bruised or swollen, it was out of your line of sight. Long clawed hands came to the front and back of your shoulder, pressing inward. You pulled away, a firm grip now as his right hand held at the left side of your waist.

“Are you a doctor?” Hotel manager and doctor would be an unlikely combo, but the day had been odd from start to finish.

A shake of the head, “But when I was alive, I did have quite a lot of experience with the inner workings of anatomy.” You grimaced, how could he say such sinister things with such a lovely voice? “Maybe not broken. But I’d say at least a fracture. Perhaps your heavenly body didn’t take full damage. It hurts when you move your arm, correct?” You nodded. 

He hummed, another click of his fingers and a fabric unfurled into his waiting hands. “Take it all the way off so I can set this.”

You were exhausted. The pain was gnawing at your nerves. No more fight in you, you just wanted rest, so you slipped off the shirt entirely and let him wrap your arm up into a simple sling. You were surprised his hands were so warm. Demons seemed like they’d be cold to the touch. Like lizards or pearls.

When he finished, you sitting in the large chair with your arm wrapped in a silky black sling, no shirt, and pastel purple heart-shaped overalls folded down your torso, you considered having another cry. You felt your chin tremble. You couldn’t recall ever crying from sadness before today.

It was just a mistake. You hadn’t meant to drop your arrow. Why were the archangels so angry? What’s some sex between nuns? 

Alastor bristled, hand coming to your cheek. It was an unwelcome gesture. You batted his hand away with your only free one, but he just sighed and set it on your thigh. You pushed it off, shooting him a glare. The audacity.

You thought you saw his eye twitch.

With what little energy was left in, you stood and open the door for him, “You have been very kind and helpful. Thank you very much. You can leave now.” Oh, right, “Please.”

He stood, pausing as he passed you. He was so tall. Shoulders wide. You felt your heart rate pick up. Even with two good collarbones you knew you couldn’t take him in a fight.

Alastor leaned down to your level, you backing up and into the door, “Until the morning.”

When he said it you had thought he was just going about formalities. But he wasn’t. You awoke some hours later to a knock. When you opened the door he was looming in your doorway again.

You tried to close the door but he put his foot in the gap, then a strong hand wrapped around the door’s edge and he pushed his way into the room.

You sputtered, arm flailing a little as you choked on which reaction to give first. You were undressed, in just your under things.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself further when you get dressed. I’ll undo the sling and help.” Closing the door he then spun back around to face you, smile as bright as it was earlier that same day. 

“No! Absolutely not! Leave! Please!”

As he guided your arm through the shirt, you struggled to process what had happened. One minute you were indignant and stubborn and then he was so close to you, hands warm and gentle, and then already he was untying the sling and your shirt was just there and-

“See? Wasn’t that easy? No harm in accepting help.” Alastor looked you over from top to bottom.  

“Accepting? What part of any of that did I accept.” You stood bottomless in a button up, trying to get the overalls from the hanger with just your left hand. His chest pressed into your back, nearly forcing you to fall into the armoire, to assist you.

“The part where you didn’t actively fight me. I think we can call that acceptance until you learn better.” His words shook through your ribs and to your front. 

Annoyance rose in your chest, what was he thinking? Humans had no right to touch you let alone a sinner. “You’re an eldritch horror, please back away from the divine creature before you.” Alastor laughed, backing away with the clothes in his hands. Hand out, you motioned for him to pass it over. He tossed it on the floor, and took a seat on the bed with crossed legs. “Oh, I see. You’re an asshole. Perfect.” Pretense gone, manners not needed.

You grabbed it with your left hand and managed to get both legs into it before slinking it up and onto your left shoulder. While you tried to figure out how to do the right side, realizing the flaw in your order of processes, Alastor leaned over and unhooked the left strap, overalls falling to the carpet with a soft thud. 

You stood there for several moments, staring at him with purple fabric pooled around your ankles, him staring at you with a shiteating grin.

After finally getting dressed, preferring to not think about how, you were followed down to the lobby. 

“Breakfast?” He asked, you both in the elevator as he hadn’t gone more than three feet from you since he entered your bedroom. 

“No, no appetite. I need to find Lucifer.” You were sure he could help somehow. Somehow he could do….something. Details about Lucifer’s powers and abilities, his strengths and skills were all kept hush-hush. But if nothing else, you could find someone who understood your position. 

Your hand was being vigorously shaken before the elevator doors even closed behind you. Charlie Morningstar was not what you expected.  Chipper and bright, she was bursting with energy. 

“Gentle, Charlie. Our dear Cupid is injured.” Alastor’s hand came to the small of your back. You reached back with your left hand and knocked it off of you. 

“Like, the real actual cupid?!” Charlie’s eyes were shining, you could almost see the hearts floating up around her face. You felt Alastor’s hand again, now on your hip. You took three steps to the right, slipping from his fingertips.

“Yes, that is exactly what I-.” You were cut off, Charlie launching into a speech about sinners and heaven and redemption and so much more you couldn’t process. 

The energy she gave us was very angelic, which was confusing. Until you saw her father entering the common area.

The most hated creature in all of creation. Your best hope for a tiny sliver of comfort. 

Alastor’s hand reached for yours, fingers trapping your wrist and stopping you from approaching the king of hell. 

You shook your arm. His hold stayed. You tugged. He was unaffected, talking to Charlie now about your injury as if you weren’t right there. 

As Cupid, or at least as a cupid, you weren’t physically strong. You really weren’t meant to exist for a long time, just for as long as your body held up to repeated trips to the human realm. But, in heaven, you were never capable of being harmed. And of course, on earth, you weren’t really corporeal so no harm could come to you. You weren’t built for tug of war with a 7 foot tall demon.

“Mr. Devil! Sir!” You waved your foot, shouting out to the normal sized man. As he saw you, his eyes widened, “Hello there! Sorry to be a bother, I’m from heaven and-” You jerked your hand free, power walking to Lucifer, “I’m here on punishment. It’s a pleasure to meet another member of Elysium’s caretakers. Former or otherwise.”

Flustered, Lucifer fumbled with his phone before dropping it. “Oh! Shit! H-hello!”

You reached down to retrieve it for him, seeing black and red shoes behind you as you did. 

“What — why are you here?” Lucifer was looking at Alastor now, which was great news because for a second you thought he was talking to you. A sneaking feeling leaked into your chest that heaven hadn’t actually told him you were coming. 

“Just keeping an eye on my guest! As you can see she got injured and I’ve taken to the task of her safety while she’s in hell.” 

“No one asked him to do that, sir.” Your smile was strained, you could feel Alastor’s shoulder was touching yours. You looked to where you were connected and then back to Lucifer, “Are all sinners like this?”

“Honestly? Yes. They’re all pretty terrible.” Lucifer sighed, “What did you do?”

A cold sweat, “Misused an arrow. I can’t leave hell until I make a demon who doesn’t already believe in true love…believe in it.”

“Oh no! That’s— you’re gonna be here awhile.” Lucifer pulled at his collar in a mock attempt to release the awkward heat of the conversation. He saw you wither, and Alastor seemed to bloom, so he quickly changed pace, “But! Uhhh, you can totally do it! Charlie has some of the best of the worst here. If I can ever help, just ask!” Nervous laughter that did not put you at ease. He seemed so silly. So sweet and easily flustered. 

You felt your hope dash for a second time in less than a day. How long would you be in hell? How long was awhile?

“She is my responsibility now. She won’t be needing anything from you, your majesty.”

A darkness came over you as the two demons began to bicker. You now had your own obsessed shadow; a large and creepy sinner following you around. How on earth could you get close enough to a demon to complete your task? Convincing someone of true love would require trust and time. This would be impossible with Alastor attached to your side. 

You spent the first week in hell in the hotel. Everytime you got the courage to leave and explore the areas outside, you’d find yourself shadow portaled “back to safety” by Alastor. It was like the human film ‘Groundhog Day’, always starting over back in the lobby. 

No matter where you went in the hotel, he was either beside you or where you had been headed. You saw the sky less often than Alastor’s grin and you couldn’t stand it. You took to hiding, leaning against darkened stairwell corners and sitting on the floor of the ladies restroom. 

It bought you a little time to yourself, but the second you moved he was there again. Asking if you were a lost little doe, hand reaching for your waist to pull you near him, red eyes threatening to swallow you whole.

Toward the end of the week, while helping you get dressed as he did daily, Alastor took a step back. “I could get you some new clothes. Cannibal town has the finest duds.” He lifted the lace that lined the top of your  pocket, “You stick out. No demon is going to let you trick them into believing in true love like this.”

You could have screamed. No, no demon would even approach you with Alastor standing behind you. It absolutely wasn’t the clothes. You politely rejected the offer and went about your day.

The next morning you awoke to find your floor littered with strips of something. Flinging open the armoire you found two empty hangers. You turned back, noticing the white and purple color to the fabric confetti.

The march to Alastor’s room was easy, as it was 10 feet in front of your door. He had placed you directly across from him, because, ya know, Mania.

He clearly hadn’t expected you to leave your room in your underwear, eyes like saucers as he yanked you in.

“What in heaven are you doing?! Anyone could see you.” He hissed, closing the door with a little too much force.

“Whose fault is that?!” You seethed in return. Anger was something you rarely ever felt but he was inspiring new things in you. “Someone shredded my clothes.”

Alastor’s ears folded back, eyes looking to the left and up, “Odd. Are you sure? Maybe you accidentally threw them away.” That devilish grin you’d come to expect. He knew damn well how stupid that was.

You stomped your foot, if you had two working hands you’d try to rip his antlers off, “Are you serious?!” You turned to leave, kicking the door before attempting to open it.

A large hand pressed back on the door, slamming it shut. His breath was dropping down the back of your neck despite his considerable height, “You will not be leaving this room in such a state of undress, my dear.”

His voice was so low and close, had anyone ever spoken to you with such a commanding tone? A new feeling twitched in you. You blocked it out.

“You don’t get to make decisions for me,” said too softly.

His other hand came to press on the door, too. An arm to either side of you, trapped, as he leaned in. You pressed yourself against the door to make distance from his body.

“Oh, I absolutely do. Who is going to stop me? You?” Alastor’s voice had noticeably dropped an octave as he whispered what felt like a challenge against your hair.

Who indeed…you had no strength, an arrow would either be useless or complicate things. Lucifer seemed preoccupied and jittery. Heaven wasn’t returning your prayers.

He took your silence as an answer.

“Exactly. Now, I’ll only ask nicely once.” His hands left, warmth on your neck fading. You turned to look at him, sensing his eyes burning holes into your back.

He was holding a two piece set. Older style, 1920s American maybe. Black and burgundy. When did he have time to get this when every hour seemed to be spent near you?

“May I help you get dressed?”

You’d gotten quite close with the few residents who didn’t run at the sight of Alastor. Husk was one of them. You became fast friends, often drinking and lamenting about Alastor’s general existence as Alastor sat some 15 feet away on the sofa. Still not allowed outside the hotel gates, your second week you spent many hours at the bar talking to the surprisingly kind grump.

To your delight Alastor didn’t seem bothered by it, oddly, as long as you were in eyesight he seemed content.

You thought maybe his mania was already waning. Sure you hadn’t attempted to leave the hotel, and you hadn’t argued when he dressed you, but…Ah, hm. Fuck.

Mania can look like Love when you don't struggle against it. A fly motionless in a web can elude the spider for a little bit.

Don't push against the restraints and you can forget they are there entirely.

But push you did, accidentally. Husk was making some new cocktails, trying to enjoy himself and be creative. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” He grinned.

“Good?” 

He took another sip before handing the glass to you. You grabbed it, taking a taste. Sweet but a bite as it went down. Something with citrus. When you looked up from the glass, he was gone.

A choking noise from behind the bar made you stand up in your seat, eyes flying from Husk to Alastor. A glowing green leash dragging Husk across the floor, his hands desperately pulling at the collar as he struggled to breath. 

“Stop!” You shouted, crawling over the bar and grabbing the chain with your good arm. You tried to pull back, to slow the choking force, but got pulled along with it. “Alastor!” You screamed as your shoulder hit the floor and sent searing pain down your arm. 

You could hear Husk gasp, the green glow disappearing from past your clenched eyelids. 

“Why can’t you-,” Alastor started to speak a he came to your side. Husk scurried away, crawling back from the demon. You hit the hand Alastor offered you but were surprised to see his face painted with concern.

“I said stop.” After rolling to your feet you began to march away. “Every time I find something nice in this piece of shit domain you remind me I’m in hell.”

You had almost made it to your room when a hand pulled you by the good shoulder and pushed you against the wall. It still hurt. 

“Don’t you know? Sharing a drink, it’s as close to a kiss as you could get without bringing your mouth to his.”

“It was a drink, Alastor. You had no right.”

His hand settled on your throat. No grip, just a gentle placement, “I have every right.” His brows knit together in worry, in confusion. “What should I do to make you understand me?” His hand came to your chin, thumb ghosting over your lips.

“If I let you go too far, someone will surely take you. Who wouldn’t? Please. Stop pushing me so much.” His eyes were almost loving as they shined down at you. His breath was picking up. You could hear the desperation in his voice. 

Those damned eyes were unrelenting in their stare into your own. There was no creature in presence or audacity in heaven like Alastor. You’d never encountered anything like him. 

“Of all the Love you had to take a stray hit from, Mania really was the cruelest accident.” You held your hand at the crook of your neck, wondering if you did more damage. No, if he did more damage.

“Mania? Is that the arrow I caught? How fitting.” His finger pulled down on your bottom lip. You’d seen this movie, you’d been there for these scenes in dorm rooms and under rainy awnings, in darkened beds and sunny fields. You could move, no part of him was actually holding you physically. “Yes, maybe I am obsessed. But whose fault is that? Will you take responsibility for it?” His chest was shaking with every breath. Why didn’t you move? Just walk away. Knock off that touch as you had been doing. You hadn’t noticed how quickly you were breathing, too, until his hand was pulling your chin up and towards his face.

It only came out as a whisper, half said as it was only half meant, “don’t.”

A laugh, “At least pretend you mean it.” 

Your knees came together in some desperate attempt to stop the feeling creeping up your legs and to your lap, “Apologize to Husk.”

“Why would I ever do such a thing?” His breath was so warm on your mouth, face tilted to keep his nose from hitting yours.

“What a terrible reply!” You slid down the wall and slipped under his arms, “If you shadow work your way into this room I will fuck that horny spider on camera just to spite you.” You opened your door, pausing to make sure he was still down the hall, “Angel on Angel, working title.”

Your whole body went slack, the sounds of a wild animal loose in the hallway rocking the door as you took shaky steps to the bed, paintings on the walls rattling as he did unseen damage. Sounds of an unknown, unholy animal raging just past the thin drywall. 

Had you ever seen Mania work so quickly with so little fuel? Hand coming to your mouth, a burning where his finger touched you. 

No one had touched your lips before. No one could ever hope to. Humans were beyond the realm of feeling you, and you didn’t allow kissing with the partners you took in heaven. Personal rule. As in, it was too personal.

The lights in your room flickered, briefly shrouding you in darkness before coming back to life.

Deja vu.

Oh.

What had he introduced himself as? The radio demon? It wasn’t heaven who brought you to the hotel. Of course not. 

No. Obviously not.

ᡣ𐭩ˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings , @looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @reath-solia ,

🏹Alastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan

@faeoffaith , sailorsmouth , @jeannyjaykaydeh , @jyoongim , @cosmic-lavender , @saturn-alone , @lustylita , @radio-darling , @kaylopolis , @dickmastersworld , @leviskittywh0re

[citruswriter]

A Sign From God?

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

Warnings: Religious themes, noncon, fem reader, fem terms, Reader is Christian/Catholic, oral (f! receiving), dirty talk (???), church sex, desecration of religious site (???), overstimulation, size kink (???), kidnapping (???).

Monstertober/Yantober Prompts: Local Folklore/Fate

Pairings: Male Rougarou Monster x Fem Reader

You were a devoted thing. Always going to church, always studying your Bible, always paying tithes. As a child you always when to church camp and as an adult you became baptized. The older you were however, the more the church seemed to call you in more and more, demanding to give more of yourself to God Almighty.

You found yourself wondering if you should become a nun. And that's how you ended up in your local church in the dead of night, on your knees and praying to God.

"Please God. I feel torn. I want love. I want a husband. But I also feel called to the nunnery. Please Father, I don't know what to do. Please. Give me a sign." You prayed, bowed over the stairs that led up to the podium. It wasn't long before you heard a growl.

Your breath caught in your throat at the noise as the animalistic growl ripped through the cathedral. Your body stiffened and you felt your blood run cold as the predatory noise made you very much aware that you were not alone in the church.

"You wish a sign from God?" A voice came, the sound of it low and gravelly, his Cajun accent thick. "I'll be your sign." You felt a figure loom over your body as you trembled in fear. You felt a large clawed hand grasp your skull with ease and force it down to the ground as he licked his jaws.

"Such a pretty little thing." His voice came, wolf jaws sniffing over your body, tongue sneaking under your tongue to lap at the skin of your thighs. You shudder and tremble in fear, but despite what you wanted, your body responded differently. You felt heat pool in your core, tears welling in your eyes as you body called to the sin despite your heart trying so hard to cast your cares on God.

"I can smell your fear, little girl. You afraid of the big bad wolf, cher?" He taunts and he presses his snout up your skirt and To your inner thigh, hot breath fanning over you and adding to the heat of your core before he lets out a raspy laugh. "Maybe it's less fear than it is... arousal. Maybe you're afraid I'll devour you whole... but maybe that's also what you want."

You let out a whine of protest, tears starting to spill from your eyes as he lapped closer to your cunt before his spare hand tore your panties away, claws shredding the fabric and flipping your modest skirt up to expose your cunt to the cold air of the cathedral.

You yelped and tried to close your legs but his hand kept you firmly spread out for him, a low predatory growl leaving his maw and making you freeze in fear once more again before his long canine long lapped at your slick cunt, making you whine out. Whether it was in protest or pleasure, you weren't completely sure.

He continues to lap at your cunt, licking at your clit and lipping it inside you, trying to drink more of your sweet nectar as you whine and keen on the stairs. He seems almost feral, not being able to get enough of your sweet cunt as he eats you out like a man starved. You gasp as you start to feel a knot form in your gut, your orgasm cresting within you. The beast seems to notice you too, giving an almost puppy like whine as he presses his tongue onto you harder, working harder to get you to orgasm on his tongue.

You try hard not to, to stave off your orgasm, to not give this sinful beast what he wants but its all in vain as your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave. You cry out as you cum, you nerves kind of feeling as if you bit into a star as the beast laps greedily at the sweet honey you released.

"So fucking good." He rumbled and you give a small strangled noise as he continues to lap again. "Again." He growls out, lapping at your cunt once more, trying to get you to cum once more on his tongue once more, loving the way your pussy juices tasted.

You moan out with overstimulation, tears streaming down your face as he works your sensitive cunt with with lycan tongue. You sob and moan as he laps at you greedily, working you to another orgasm.

It doesn't take long for that familiar knot to return. You let out a strangled noise as he presses harder to drive you over the edge once more, desperate to taste your sweet cum once more.

You cry out, sobbing as you're forced to cum once more. Your vision blurs and your ears are ringing from the intensity of your orgasm. Your whole body trembles as you're kept in the position, the man lapping happily at your cunt like he was a puppy who just got his favorite treat.

Eventually you feel his tongue retreat and you give sigh of relief as your poor cunt is given a moment of rest. But large clawed hands splay themselves over your hips and sides and you feel him shift. Your blood runs cold.

You feel his cock nudge at your entrance but before you can protest he thrusts forward, spearing you on his cock and stuffing you full as he shoves his large throbbing cock into your sopping wet cunt. You cry out, giving a strangled moan as he stuffs you full and stretches you out. It feels so good and you feel so guilty. Like you've sinned.

He growls and snarls as he starts to piston in and out of you, wasting no time with setting a brutal pace in you. It took you a bit to shove through the pleasure and hear his muttering. "You asked for a sign from God. I am your sign from God. You are mine now, little gir. My mate. My everything. We are bound together. Bound by fate. My beautiful fated mate. God has chosen you to be my wife."

You can't believe what your hearing. You would have retorted, told him he was wrong, crazy even. But the way his cock was fucking you on the floor of the cathedral kept you from speaking anything legible. Only slutty moans and keening whines left your throat as he drills into that wonderful spongy spot deep within your velvet walls.

You start to panic when you feel his hips stuttering but shows no sign of pulling out. You weakly squirm but he keeps you firmly in place, one of his hands dropping to rub you already abused pearl once more. You cry out once more, loud noises being ripped from your throat as he tries to drive you over the edge once more, this time with him.

You scream as you cum once more, shuddering as the man lets out a vicious snarl and shoves his cock as deep as he can, pumping a large load of cum into you. You both pant heavily as the two of you attempt to climb down of your orgasms. Eventually he pulls out, cum spilling from your pussy and onto the cathedral's floor.

You collapse onto the floor, whining softly as everything hurts. Moments later, the large beast scoops you up but your vision is too blurry to really make out much. But you do hear him. He's returned to his rambling. His deranged muttering about how you're his fated mate. Fate brought you together. God led him to you to take you.

Finally he's no longer alone.

Ik, ik. It's late. Shoot me.

This one was actually kind of special to me bc I'm Cajun and I don't see a lot of representation when it comes to my culture so it was nice to share a piece of my culture with all of you guys!

Taglist: @ozzgin

[dangermousie]

Ep 27 was all plot and no ship. In fact none of my favorite characters except Jiang Li herself appeared in it - it was devoid of the Duke, his sidekicks, Shen Yurong, Princess Wanning, any of the Yes and except for a few seconds’ appearance devoid of Jiang Jingrui.

Still it definitely moved the plot forward - namely the plot of the serpents’ nest that is the Jiangs. Because the grievances were not suffered by our protag but the original Jiang Li and any connections of love or blood were also not hers but the original Li’s, she’s able to be clear headed and not really emotionally involved except insofar as she feels bad for injustice and she’s gonna need that because stepmom has lost the few restraints she had and the rest of the family is useless.

I found this ep humanized both Ruoyao and stepmom for me. I found it so tragic that Ruoyao has finally stopped stepping out of her mother’s monstrous, smothering shadow (her mother’s love always looked controlling and conditional but this ep shows just how downright abusive it was and how Ruoyao had so little chance) only to have her agency taken away from her by mommy on the most basic level. A woman who would poison her own child to get rid of a stepdaughter should not be called a mother in any sense.

I hope Ruoyao gets some sort of a happy ending and a way to find out who she actually is but I doubt that since the drama very clearly implied in this ep she is not a Jiang but is a child of adultery between stepmom and diviner. Papa Jiang is not much of a father even to his blood (he just goes with whatever the woman he is currently sleeping with likes) but the moment he discovers she’s not his, that nunnery is gonna be best case scenario for Ruoyao. Not every family can be the Fans from JoL or the Xiaos from Nirvana in Fire 2.

Stepmom? What a horror show but the drama humanized her (while showing she shouldn’t be allowed to run around at all.) All the woman wanted at the start was to run off with that painter and live in obscure bliss (Ruoyao’s desire to run with worthless ex-fiance is quite reminiscent of that - like mother like daughter - tho at least Mom’s boo genuinely loved her.) But daddy prevented it and was going to marry her off to some sort of mental defective with a family that wanted that dude to have a child (and in that society that marriage is pretty much life of horror) unless she found herself another match and was all “why don’t you off Papa Jiang’s wife, she’s sick anyway” - and not excusing stepmom being a murderer but it’s like Shen Yurong - when all your choices are bad choices you are way more likely to do bad things to survive. In some other alternate universe, she married that painter who never became a diviner and is living a placidly virtuous existence.

Honestly, the moment she killed a friend to escape a hellish marriage it was the end for her - she sent Jiang Li away because of the whole “I murdered your mom can’t have you find out or just look at you” (and daddy blames her for soft heartedness in not killing her!!!) and the other kid was an accident - it’s basically she started out as a villain out of perceived necessity but then she had to continue and got worse and worse. The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step, indeed.

I found it poignant she ultimately wasn’t able to maim monster daddy as requested by diviner. Not so poignant that she’s apparently repeating the way she was parented in the way she’s parenting her daughter despite knowing firsthand what that’s like. (But I wonder how much her obsession with getting Ruoyao the best marriage, the nicest reputation (no showing in public at age x), the best womanly skills (zither) is driven by her forever remembered terror of being a woman with no power and no options and no good marriage prospects.)

Even that scarred cousin who married the abuser got a little bit of interest from me - the way she tells his paralyzed body that even tho he beat her so badly she will take excellent care of him and the sheer terror in his eyes was great. Go girl!!!!

Still, hope next ep brings back the Duke and Co. (Jiang Li sent away the guard the Duke had on a mission for her and girl - bad life choice - guard had a big point in that he was there for her protection. And now diviner is coming and there is no guard. I guess she’s so bad at listening to instructions, the Duke will have to move in with her himself to make sure she does what he wants. What a hardship 😂)

[searenbound]

Was this a reblog chain for this post? Yes. Am I posting it as a separate post and deleting those reblogs because I think it works well on its own? Also yes.

Thinking about experienced vampire Bakugou teaching fledgling/newly turned Midoriya how to hunt so he stops following him around like a puppy trying to feed off his scraps.

Who discover a young nun out far too late to be on her. Poor thing, probably truly believes her god will protect her on her short journey to and from the church and the nunnery she calls home.

Silly little thing, to think herself safe because she wears a cross round her neck. The very same, delicate and tender, one that two sharp fangs are sinking into with in minutes of cornering her.

It’s unlike what she was warned of. Instead of painful and horrifying, it was blissful white hot pleasure. She felt the warmth of her blood flowing into an even hotter mouth as the man’s tongue lapped at the wound he inflicted.

She briefly wondered, is this the pleasure a wife received from her husband on their wedding night? No, couldn’t possibly be. She’s been warned the first was painful for a virgin maiden. Surely this was different, something better.

She thinks she should feel ashamed when she allows the blond man, what was his name now? Katsuki? Yes that was it, when she allowed him to lift her into his arms and bury himself in her. Should be ashamed when the one who tested her blood, Izuku? Yes, Izuku. Whined about it being no fair the other took her most precious first, but was satisfied with using her hand for the time being.

She should be ashamed, but it filled her with such pride.

Never had she truly felt called to serve the lord. However, in this moment, when she was being made a whore for theses unholy undead creatures, she’s never felt more holy.

Miss nun has one of two endings here. A good and bad ending.

Good ending, they keep her. Bakugou doesn’t get to shake off Midoriya but they have a shared, easy snack they get to use to satisfy their hungers.

Bad ending, they leave her there to be discovered by the other nuns who take pity on her. They treat as if some horrible tragedy happened to her. She’s left to live with the memories of that night and no one to confide in about it.

[stoat-party]

My lukewarm takes on Romeo and Juliet characters, heavily influenced by the specific production I watched yesterday

Romeo: So extra. Absolute drama king. He would watch Encanto and not be able to stop thinking about it for a month. He absolutely fell in love twice in a week based purely on looks, but that love was pure and romanticized to no end. In his mind, it was worth dying for. He should have been allowed to be a stupid kid, but under the circumstances he felt forced to marry in secret.

Juliet: Every adult in this girl’s life failed her. Of course she fell in love with Romeo, she’s thirteen. Their relationship isn’t particularly profound, it’s their devotion. Their innocence. When you were a thirteen-year-old girl, didn’t you fantasize about doing something drastic just to make your father understand? She’s the girl who acted on that fantasy, in the most horrible way. And she’s a child. A baby. They’re all just babies.

Paris: Himbo. Yeah, he tried to marry a thirteen-year-old girl. Yeah, he’s probably an adult by our standards, or close to it. However misguided his feelings toward her, though, they were real. He felt protective toward this girl he’d barely met. That wasn’t the blood feud talking. It was his meathead himbo brain. What caused this man to think it was okay to marry a little girl? How was he so casual about it? Why so violent? We’ll never know.

Benvolio: Shares an archetype with Horatio. Guy who lives, but at what cost? When I read the play he seemed like the sweet, reasonable one, but this production really played up the teenaged boyness of it all. The important parts to him, though, are that he loved Romeo, and he didn’t want any of this. Noticeably absent in the final acts.

Mercutio: Baby. Actual tiny baby man. I read this book when I was fifteen, I had no maternal feelings toward any of these kids, but this actor’s Mercutio broke me. He was just a little goofball from a rich family, he had no concept of consequences. The actor was an adult but somehow made his voice crack. When he started a swordfight over a cause that had nothing to do with him, it was like I was watching a puppy trying to play keep-away with a tiger. Tybalt even backed off and tried to sheathe his sword, but Mercutio gave him a little *boop* on the backside and it started again. His death scene started off laughing and ended in screaming. After Act III, all jokes in the play cease.

Nurse: I just feel bad for whoever gets cast as the nurse to get insulted for three hours.

Friar Lawrence: Who does this guy think he is? Okay, he couldn’t have predicted the plague or the duel, but he seems very confident about courses of action that have a high likelihood of ending in tragedy. The lesson is, don’t enable teen hormones just because you think it’ll help you end a blood feud. I can’t discount his good intentions, though, and the kids would probably have been worse off without him.

Tybalt: I seethe.

Lord Capulet: I’m doing this for your own good but also I’ll ruin your life if you disobey ok? <3

Lady Capulet: She definitely shares some of the blame for what happened, but her love was genuine. She had been brought into this cycle at Juliet’s age, how was she supposed to break out?

Lady Montague: idk why shakespeare thought killing her offstage was necessary. we don’t even find out until after the climax so why? it’s more thematically consistent if all the deaths are young people.

Rosaline: If thou findeth thyself in a Shakespearean tragedy, get thee to a nunnery.

[bronx-bomber87]

Good Morning! Super excited for these next set of eps to review.

We’ve reached the iconic and pivotal DOD eps. I’m nervously excited to review these. I want to do them justice. They are momentous for not just Chenford but the entire series. Rosalind Dyer is one of my fav recurring baddies. I loved Annie from Castle as well. Was psyched she would be joining The Rookie. This was a rare one where I got to use all the gifs I wanted to. Yay. Kid in a Chenford candy store haha Thank you to all the wonderful gif makers out there. You are the real MVP's. Let’s get this started :)

2x10 The Dark Side

We start with Lucy and the guys out for a post work drink. Armstrong is there as well. They’re talking about Jackson dating a celebrity. Asking how that is? Lucy says they’re happy if he’s happy. Nick calls her bluff and says ‘Liar.’ LMAO Lucy cracks and says men suck ha They sure can. That the single men in LA suck. That whenever they find out she’s a cop they freak out. (To touch on not dating a cop bit. It is only a mistake when it’s not Tim. Let’s be real.) Especially while she's still a rookie just not a good idea (cough Nolan cough) He was never a good decision though....not even a little bit. I'll die on that hill haha

Armstrong joins the convo and comes in with some solid advice. ‘Those aren’t men they’re boys. Real men are not afraid of a strong woman.’ Your real man just isn’t ready yet my dear. Nor are you. I really love this scene though. I enjoyed Nick a lot as a character. Poor Lucy she goes on her 'Sister Officer Lucy Chen' rant ha Classic. Oh the irony of this convo. In S5 she definitely isn't in a nunnery anymore heh. That is quite awhile away from this point though. Have to note how pretty she looks in this scene. Her outfit is simple but she looks stunning.

Lucy leaves the table to get another round. That’s when Lucy runs into Caleb….really unfortunate that’s his name. That’s my BIL's name haha He seems normal enough with his flirting with Lucy. Both of them being ignored for another drink by the bartender. He's making her laugh and appearing nice and kind. Ugh run Lucy run…Their moment gets interrupted by Lucy noticing a guy stealing tips. She walks away from the convo and apologizes. End ups arresting the thief. The way she takes him down is bad ass I have to say. (Tim would be proud) Says 'Surprise I’m a cop’ haha

Roll call comes around and they find out about Rosalind Dyer. A rare unicorn in their world. A female serial killer. She’s agreed to show them the 3 bodies that were never found. In exchange she gets life with no parole instead of the death penalty. Everyone’s day is now centered around this. Tim and Lucy discuss her past murders. Lucy telling Tim she was in college when they found the first victims.

That it was all anyone could talk about, wondering how a woman could be so barbaric? Tim shares his own story about it. How he worked a scene for the 4th victim. That he was advised not to look at the body. How he wish he hadn’t… The hindsight of watching this scene unfold right before they run into Caleb. It’s bone chilling to think about. Their convo being framed around this before he shows up.

Caleb shows up and Tim is immediately suspicious and does not like this guy. His face has me rolling the entire time. Gives Caleb a hard time about the word 'Perp'. His facial expressions I can not LOL Now part of this reaction is his cop gut. I truly believe that. Not trusting whoever this guy is for Lucy. His default is suspicion. The fierce protector coming out to play in this scene.

I think the rest of his reaction is him just not liking this guy being interested in Lucy. Jealously thy name is Timothy Bradford. Its seeping out of him and he can't stop himself. He's completely forgotten he's dating one of her closest friends in this moment. Written all over his face how territorial he’s being right now. I always love me some protective/jealous Tim. This scene and honestly this entire episode is full of that.

Lucy’s face is screaming ‘chill out’ the entire interaction. She's basically scolding him with her eyes above. They have a mini silent conversation with their eyes before the scene continues. If that isn't the most married look they've had so far. I love it so much. He definitely looks reprimanded in that second gif above. Tim is as transparent as person can be in this scene. Not even trying to hide it a little bit. Caleb has shown up and Tim's guard and protective nature are out in full force. Doesn't like this guy just showing up and sniffing around at all.

Caleb is clearly nervous around Tim (as he should be..) It's too funny he keeps trying regardless to talk to Lucy. Tim deftly snags the paper out of the air. She didn't have a chance of grabbing it. Caleb has to sense how much Tim doesn't want him here. He could not be less welcoming of this man. Tim reads the paper and he asks if Caleb has a last name LOL He says Wright. The irony of that last name...

I doubt our boy even knows why he’s reacting this way to Caleb. Only that he is and very strongly at that. All his feelings when it comes to Lucy are muddled and confusing for him. Yet he acts on them anyway. From the moment this guy showed up the green eyed monster was present. Tim continues to grill him. He asks what he does for a living? Says if it’s a screenwriter he’s going in a cell. He really hates screenwriters haha A theme through out the show for him.

Eric’s facial expressions during this entire scene truly is perfection. Look at the way he looks at Caleb as he leaves. If looks could kill he would be a dead man. Also you can see the mask on Caleb drop when he turns away from them (shudder). The immense distrust written all over Tim's rigid body language. You'd have to be blind not to see it. Both of their faces above are a summary of the entire scene. Lucy is happy to have caught the eye of a 'decent' guy. Tim doesn't trust this guy as far as he can throw him.

Tim doesn’t even think he’s done anything wrong till he turns around and sees her face. Kudos to Melissa for the great reaction. He says 'What?' All innocent like he didn't just drag that guy through the mud. Treat him like a criminal they deal with on the daily. She is so affronted and honestly confused as hell with his reaction. Her face basically saying 'What the hell was that?'

From the moment Caleb shows up to the moment he leaves Tim is NOT pleased with his presence. Lucy is truly confused as to why he is acting this way. She can’t put together why he was trying to kill that entire interaction. We all know Lucy included (deep down) this was jealously thorough and through. But she chalks it up to him being stressed about how crazy everything is right now. Sure that’s it Lucy…She demands the paper back with just her face and outreached hand. Tim is shocked she wants the number of this doofus. He relents and unwillingly hands it back to her. Almost rolling his eyes as he does so.

They’re driving in a caravan to the first burial site. Lucy is looking at Calebs online profile in the car. Tim snaps at her to focus. That this is going to be most dangerous day she’s ever going to spend on the job. Oh the weight of that comment when you know these eps….They both have no idea how true that’s going to be. Might seem like he’s mad when really he’s protecting her by getting her to focus. It’s his way of doing it. I also think it's a little frustration bleeding over from the whole Caleb thing. Not that he's going to put that together right now. Hell doesn't even realize how territorial and jealous he just was.

We rejoin Tim and Lucy once they arrive at the first spot. They're talking about Rosalind during this 'Hike' to find the remaining bodies. Tim asks if she’s less scary in the light of day? Lucy tells him no…but mentions how smart she must be. To have gotten away with this for so long undetected. Lucy smartly mentions there’s a play here they’re not seeing.

Tim tells her it’s just to jerk them around. Oh my love it is far more than that. Lucy is so sharp to observe this hike has to be more than just her deal. She is proven right when they find a fresher body in one of the grave sites with the old one. It’s obvious she has a partner on the outside they just don’t know who…

Lucy is looking at Caleb’s “profile” again. Watching a video of him with a puppy. Jealous/Protective Tim makes his next appearance. Could not be more obvious if he tried. Not a fan of her being enamored by this guy. He makes a snide remark saying I bet that’s not even his puppy. It’s scary how spot on he was with Caleb the entire time. It’s mainly from jealously and being protective of her, but it’s frightening how dead on his cop gut was. He turned out to right about everything with him.

Lucy naturally gives him push back and says she just wants to enjoy a cute puppy. That it’s been an awful day. Can't she just do that? Jealous Tim won't agree with her. So he is a little shit and says 'This your first decomp right? ' Watching her face go from happy to grossed out LOL Oh Tim. He knows how bad this smell is going to be for her and is enjoying it haha The way she follows after him is too funny. Melissa is also amazing at expressing so much as well.

The eerie part of this scene is it’s them being the ones to discover the DOD tattoo… There are so many forewarnings in this episode for her. For them. Literally smacking us in the face with them. That could’ve been her if things had gone wrong... Ugh my heart. They find out the newer victim was suffocated…What an awful way to die. I’m asthmatic and it gives me a pre-asthma attack just thinking about it.

A light hearted part of this scene is once again the lack of personal space. Ah personal space. They don't know her and never will. We're all ok with this notion. Nolan ends up getting Rosalind to lead them to the second site. They find a new body in it with a DOD Tattoo. The freshest one yet. They realize it’s every three months. That 12/09/19 is the the next DOD. John notes it’s 12/08 they have a day to find the next victim.

Tim and Lucy join Armstrong at the jail to search Rosalind cell once again. Trying to find some connection. A way her and this person have been communicating. Nick asks where her books are and they say they sent them back. He asks for every book she's read in the last 6 months.

They’re searching all the books and of course Lucy is the one to crack the code. I love it. Finds something in the binding. Its a coded piece of paper. She figures out the cypher fairly quickly. You know Tim loves how damn smart she is. He’s impressed. She figures out a name from the code. My girl. Bryan Coleman. Funny that doesn’t sound like Caleb Wright….

Harper and Nolan end up saving the next girl. They find out he’s been using the old abandoned zoo as his staging ground. What kills me is them saving her condemns Lucy. They stopped him from scratching that sick itch. Grey tells them all to go home and rest. Lucy spins around and tells Tim she’s just going to go home and crash.

Tim tells her that’s a mistake and gives her the advice that will haunt him in the next episode. Hell for quite awhile if I’m being honest. He will carry this moment with him for a long time. Says after a hardcore assignment she needs to blow off some steam. Find a way to decompress. If she doesn’t she’ll never get any sleep.

Lucy is super cute asking if he's really telling her to go get a drink instead? He tells her yes. Preferably a strong one even with another human being. We all know who that human being is going to be….Side note I adore the fact that he always opens the door for her. Doesn't even realize he's doing that. Just does it out of habit. Her real man standing right in front of her but it is far too early for that hehe

Literally makes me sick to watch her scene with Caleb. My skin crawls knowing where it’s headed. He took advantage of Lucy with her guard down. Her cop eyes we're retired for the night. Just trying to decompress. We go back to the station where Grey tells John and Nick they found a body at the old zoo. Bryan Coleman. Which can only mean one thing as we go back to Lucy. That Caleb is the apprentice….

She goes from giggly and relaxed to sheer terror in a matter of moments. He drugged her and Lucy is slowly realizing the situation she is now in. He also snags her phone before she can use it. Sadly she is over powered easily due the drug he gave her. Then sticks her in the trunk of his car. The ep ends there.

It’s a crazy stressful two-parter. So damn good though. I remember when this first premiered how hard it was to wait for the next episode. I’m pre emotional just thinking about analyzing the next episode. Can’t wait to do it though.

~~~~

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Wopez good scenes not many but really good. Wes clearing not handling his post traumatic stress well. Mixing his prescription with alcohol. Angela coming home asking if he was trying to kill himself. He says I don’t know… Not a great answer bud.

The whole Rosalind SL. It’s so dark but so good. Getting a deeper look into Nick and seeing some chinks in his armor. What he sacrificed to catch her. It’s very good. I enjoyed his character a lot and getting more depth with him as well.

Thank you as always to those that like/comment/reblog these reviews. It’s means the world to me. I love doing these and they take time to assemble. But they’re so worth doing to enjoy this rewatch together. I’m also enjoying the hell out of analyzing these eps and our beloved couple. I’ll see you all in 2x11 :)

[nostalgia-tblr]

WIP Wednesday

For WIP Wednesday, a bit from the sequel no one wants to a fic nobody much wanted, because fuck yeah self-indulgence :D

Fair Alfrida Part 2: More Fairer, 2 Frida (idk what that even means). It is set about 3-4 years after the first one, she's been off being a nun (oh no!) and I have killed Thor again so the new king's come to see her:

She doesn’t look up until the wrong voice greets her.  “You look better than I expected. Do you actually like it here?” She doesn’t answer that, instead admitting to her confusion; “I was told the king -” “Thor’s dead,” says Loki, rather abruptly. He must think the news won’t hurt her, or so she chooses to assume. “I’ve taken over the family business.” Alfrida protests this with a shake of her head. “My son -” “Is three years old and there are Norsemen raiding our neighbours. No one wanted a child on the throne when that choice might hand it to a Dane by the end of the year.” This she can’t really argue with; Leofric is much too young to lead his people, and it might even be a mercy not to mark him with failure when he is barely more than an infant. But still, her son was supposed to be a king and she knows better than to trust his uncle. (She knows better now. Her son should not have to learn his own lessons so harshly.)

I still haven't decided how it ends, which is something I should work out soon because otherwise it would just go on forever. This one is more tense and I think basically I felt bad for what I did to her the first time and want her to get if not revenge then at least some satisfaction after a weird affair that ended with a nunnery. Loki was only fucking her to fuck Thor, she should get to fuck him in return. As it were. (They should also bang, of course.)

[fandomsbyladymelodrama]

Hippolyta & Theseus

And why I love them...

So, I have watched the 1999 version of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" probably 20 times over the years. It was one of favorite movies when I was like 15 and those movies stay with a person. Anyway my favorite couple has switched almost every decade, like clockwork. First, it was Demetrius and Helena, for the messy blush of unrequited love, something wished and hoped for and, against all odds, obtained (if somewhat unrealistically and certainly magically, but hey, that just means fairies exist, so what's so bad about that?) <3 Plus Calista Flockhart was/is absolutely hilarious in this movie (oh, spite! oh hell! 😂) and Christian Bale was one of my first crushes. Pshaw, who is this Timothée Chalamet you all speak of? I know but one (1) Theodore Laurence and his name is Christian Bale 😍 Then, it was Lysander and Hermia, for the comedy of it all and the appeal of forbidden love and the way they aggravated poor Theoden King to the point that he was going to lock fair Hermia up in a nunnery (which forever amuses me as a metaphor for death), and the angst and excitement of persevering through Puck-induced magic tricks and hot jealousy and just listen, Dominic West and Anna Friel are fantastic in this, top tier at speaking and selling all those Shakespearean lines like they're totally normal in 1800s Tuscany. Like, really good. In a way that's not just fun to watch/listen to but also has you forgetting that oh yeah, they just went for that creative choice. Let's speak Shakespeare and ride bicycles. No irony about it (well for the most part - looking at you, Kevin Kline 😂) But here I am, changing my mind again...and this time, it's Theseus and Hippolyta who are claiming my whole heart <3 <3 <3 And not just because Sophie Marceau is a forever favorite or because I've only just realized that David Strathairn might be one of the finest actors of our time (seriously, what else did I miss while I was dismissing him as "oh you know, that guy from whatever"). Watching their scenes, I'm just so into it. Mature love portrayed in such a soft and delicate way. The amount that's unspoken is off-the-charts layered gorgeousness. The tiny moments between them. The micro glances, the mutual understandings, the realization that when they're in a group scene, it's still just them <3 AND THEY DANCE AT THE END 😍 Ughhhhhhh add to the OTP list, because I'm suddenly obsessed. Give it another ten years and I'll probably be all about Titania and Nick. But that's when we'll know I've gone too far...and you all have my full permission to smack me across the face and say "ma'am, stop that" 😂😂😂

But for now, it's Theseus & Hippolyta 4Ever <3

[dankerthantherest]

Have you seen the left and right theory? Aziraphale is always on viewers left (right of Crowley) and Crowley is always on viewers right (left of Aziraphale). This is seen in the intros and specific scenes like the one where the two are walking into the old nunnery where Crowley walks on the grass and Aziraphale walks on the pathway. The thought is Aziraphale always wants to be right, doing the right thing, on the side of good, and of the side of heaven. This placement pattern is seen throughout both seasons. However, in the end credits of season 2, Aziraphale is suddenly placed viewers right and Crowley is place viewers' left. The flip occurs because Aziraphale is suddenly not sure he's doing the right thing. Aziraphale sees how upset Crowley is after their interaction and also has just heard about the second coming. He's rethinking his choice and is suddenly unsure if he's in the right anymore. (If you believe in the lie theory) Aziraphale's just lied to the being that they trust most in the world and loves (even if they couldn't say it), they're feeling guilty and unsure if they've made the right decision. It's very much like the begin of Season 1, "Funny if I did the good thing, and you did the bad one, eh?"

[cirrem]

Read "Les Miserables" for my "intro to humanities" class and it was really good so I'm going to dump about it here. it was an abridged version, so i may have missed some things. I may be incomprehensible towards the end. SUPER MAJOR SPOILERS

also trigger warnings for death, suicide, and christianity if you care about that.

first off, Jean Valjean is one of my new favorite characters in fiction. he's screwed up but in a way that makes him a better person.

The romance between Marius and Cosette was my least favorite part of the book. it dragged on, but then you look back and they only had 2 conversations before getting married but it talked about the romance for soooooooo long. I'm not Victor Hugo, but I would have definitally trimmed that down and introduced a multi-month time skip between the resolution of the barricade and the marriage.

Eponine is really stupid, and her death was completely avoidable. First: there are plenty of fish in the sea, you could have moved on so many different times. Second: don't bring the man your in love with to a death trap so you can die together, especially if he doesn't love you, and especially if you tragically sacrifice your life to save his and he ends up not dying.

If you don't like religious discussions I suggest stop reading here because I'm going to talk about the religious themes and the suicide and I know some people on tumblr will get upset if I don't preface it

Javert is a coward. He owes Jean Valjean his life, he knows that Jean is not a bad person, and he pays the debt, letting him run free. What makes him a coward is how after this impulsive decision, where he let him free only to settle his debt, he decides "if my worldview is wrong instead of changing and growing I should just kill myself" and does so.

I know he's supposed to be like "the overabusive law system" or whatever, but killing yourself because the guy who is being sent to jail for life, (because of the heinous crimes of: escaping jail, not telling people he was in jail, and stealing 1 loaf of bread to feed his sisters children) may not actually be an irredeemably horrible monster incapable of change, growth, or being someone who you shouldn't send to jail is incredibly dumb.

Now heres where religion comes in: I think Victor Hugo is intentionally contrasting the laws of man with the laws of God (in the bible, new testament). (Specifically, the beatitudes and life/teachings of Christ. For those unaware, I can give a very oversimplified summery: Be kind and merciful to others, even if they suck or you dont like them or they hate you or you hate them. (if you want to at this point bring up modern or historical actions of those claiming to follow or speak for christ when that contradict this, please move on. I am aware that people call themselves christians without following his words))

to summerize my thoughts: javert represents the "laws of man" which are fallible, and not actually just. Specifically, there is 1) only punishment for the wicked, no blessings to the righteous 2) no allowance for change as a person in judgement, once wicked always wicked. Compare this to every time a religious person does something in the book: the bishop takes mercy on valjean, and sends him away with more gifts, valjean becomes religeous, forgives javert for suspecting him, saves the life of someone who hates him, later, valjean sacrifices his life, revealing himself to secretly be a convict to save a stranger from lifetime slavery, a nun lies to protect valjean (the narrative states she never had before, she did something at cost of her own standards to save his life), valjean finds and saves cosette from the theadears and they take refuge in a nunnery, and get in only because of the man whose life he saved earlier. Finally, Valjean has the chance to kill Javert, in the revolution (Javert is tied up, and Valjean has a gun) but valjean sets him free. The book is really emphasizing the importance of mercy, even when it comes at a cost to yourself, and it would be easier to punish those you dislike. Every time someone is merciful, it turns out fine, even benificial in the long run. (and specifically the mercy as outlined by christ, as everyone that acts mercifully is explicitly religious, and it follows what he taught pretty closely imo).

Gods law of mercy, allowing and helping people to change for the better, even if they don't deserve it, is constantly shown to be superior to and more benificial to society than the harshness of man's legal system, which treats a criminal as always a criminal, and never gives to those in need.

Except, hear me out: this isn't about legal systems at all, this is about how we treat ourselves and those we care about.

We need to have mercy, both on others around us, and on ourselves. Valjean revealed the worst of his past to marius, but he wasn't that person anymore. Marius had to learn that Valjean saved his life from Thernadair! What! He is wastes away and DIES because of his shame of who he was, and his insistence that he is still as guilty as he was then. He had mercy, even for those that would chase him down, toss him into chains, and force him to work until his death, but he had none for himself, and he suffered for it. However, because of how he was kind, he was able to save and touch many lives, and drastically improved the lives of those around him.

Compare this to Javert, who rather than be kind to anyone, or himself, threw himself into the sea, never improved anyones life, and would have been killed if Valjean didn't offer to kill him (then not kill him). I know who I'll rather be, and I think thats kind of the point of the book.

anyways, if I have to write an essay on this book I think I'll be fine.

valjean and the bishop are both incredibly based characters. Eponine was more interesting than Marius and Cosette combined.

[threepandas]

Lmao im imagining the yandere platonic princes to be like at each others throats with a knife over something petty only for mc to walk in and them to instantly be like 😇 hm no we weren't doing anything, mc responding with 🤨 okay... just try not to fight please we just got the carpets replaced and they dont need blood on them, and the moment mc leaves the room they glare at each other before sighing and putting the knife away before going off to settle their differences via cards, which does admittedly end in a fist fight but hey they're not trying killing eaching other so :)

Oh they would NEVER let their Dear Sister see them behaving so poorly! She's already so stressed! Mother on the other hand? *put upon sigh* yeeeeees Mother. *pouting as they drop the knives* the things they do for Family :(

One day. ONE DAY! They will be RID of these CRETINS. It will be be WONDERFUL.

Just them, Mother, their beloved Sister, whatever children she probably has by then (no doubt lovely and wonderful neices! Who they will spoil rotten and give the WORLD!) And? Maybe a beloved wife!

What a bright and wonderful future! Nothing but competent, intelligent, beautiful, wonderful, female relatives as far as the eye can see!

*twitch* if ONLY these fuckers would just DIE already :) 🔪🔪🔪

Sister Reader? Oblivious. SHE thinks her dear lil brothers-in-law? Are those unrealisticly perfect and cute "lil brother" stereotype angel characters. Blonde, blue eyed, cherubic "big sis! Big sis! I made you a flower crown~!" Types in fancy lil doll like outfits.

They could show up covered in blood and she'd be CERTAIN they'd been attacked. The innocent party.

Even though she already KNOWS about the bloodline trait.

King, too his youngest sons: *grudgingly impressed* "Well played"

[sparklecryptid]

Can I recommend a book series to you? The Saint of Steel, by T. Kingfisher. Featuring, but not limited to - Paladins who have to figure out how to go on after their god dies! PTSD and survivor's guilt! Going on after the end! The most practical religion on record! A nunnery full of werebears! Homosexual relationships! Deadly mazes! Holy Warriors who smell like gingerbread! Women with dog heads! A murder mystery where the victim is a literal deity! /True love!/

OH YES YOU MAY

I have been meaning to pick this series up actually! It sounds so right up my alley it’s not even funny. I do have two books going right now (Bad Cree and The Serpent and the Wings of Night) so it might have to wait but it’s on the list!!

[davros42]

Rewatching Classic Doctor Who, some episodes I haven't seen in years, some of the animated reconstructions I haven't seen at all.

The Aztecs AKA Serial F

The Aztecs is an incredibly strong showing this early in the series. Once again, when the team is on their A game (as they are in this episode), the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts.

John Lucarotti turns in an excellent script, drawing on his own experiences in Mexico and interest in Aztec culture to produce a wonderfully nuanced look at the Aztecs. The costuming is fantastic, the sets are great (despite some all-too-obvious backdrops), Jacqueline Hill goes to town in the lead role, William Hartnell gets a chance to do something besides be bitchy, Carole Ann Ford spends half the serial literally on vacation and still gets a great scene where Susan decides the true injustice of Aztec society is arranged marriage. Easily the best plotted and paced storyline so far, there's a reason most of the old serials ended up in the 4 episode/approximately 90 minute bracket. Oh and John Ringham turns in a marvelous performance as Tlotoxl, the show's first standout antagonist, performed with just the right amount of ham and cheese to give him a memorable Shakespearean flare without going too far over the top.

The TARDIS arrives in an Aztec tomb. Fortunately Axtec culture is Barbara's specialist subject. She grave robs a bracelet and when the crew exits the tomb... she's mistaken for a reincarnation of the priest Yetaxa but also a god? The Aztecs get full credit for not minding at all that their previously male priest has been reincarnated as a (white) woman. Barbara immediately decides to try to alter history, the first time one of the crew actively takes steps to interfere. She thinks (correctly) that despite the Aztec's bad reputation they deserve better than colonization and genocide at the hands of the conquistadors. And with her head full of the very best ideals of English white saviour-ism, she will force the Aztecs to cease human sacrifice by fiat. Which will in turn convince the Conquistadors (despite being just about the most ruthless, dishonorable, violent assholes in history... which is some stiff competition) to let them live in peace as co-equals. The Doctor reprimands her, insisting that you cannot change history despite having previously given fire to primitive humans, genociding the Daleks on behalf of the Thals, going on holiday with Marco Polo, and genociding the Voords. Ian goes off to warrior training, which he has quite a knack for, being a much better melee combatant than Ixta who has been training for life. Susan gets sent to a nunnery to learn how to be a good wife. And the Doctor gets sent to the Aztec equivalent of an old folks home. And then he accidentally gets engaged.

Barbara's plan goes as well as you might expect. The Aztecs, it turns out, quite like their culture the way it is. Instead of some hand wavey "fixed point in time" nonsense, this story makes it clear that history has an inertia. One person in the right place at the right time, more often that not, can't make a difference against history's flow. Barbara did manage to make an outcast of the Priest of Knowledge Autloc which the show counts as a win but... I'm not so sure. Tlotoxl is the real winner in the end, proving that Barbara was a false god and continuing on with his role, supporting the status quo and letting perfect sacrifice be made as the TARDIS crew moves on to new adventures. But not before the Doctor decides to take the bracelet from his Aztec fiance with him as a memento.

Next up: The sensual Sense-Sphere!

[touloserrrr]

Since I am totally very normal about Six… I have decided to overanalyse all the lyrics: No Way

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

There's no way

Aragon refused to give up her place as the king’s wife and queen, and refused to accept Henry as the supreme head of the Church of England.

You must agree that, baby, in all the time I been by your side

Out of all the queens, Aragon has been married to Henry for the longest; approximately 24 years. Also, she chooses to refer to him as ‘baby’, further implying the fact she is refusing the annulment and acting like they remain married.

I've never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied

During his marriage to Aragon, Henry had 3 historically confirmed affairs, and potentially more. Despite this, she remained rather calm, which made her favoured by the public in contrast to Anne Boleyn, Henry’s next wife.

Have my golden rule

She was highly Catholic, so this is in reference to the Biblical golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Additionally, the word ‘golden’ could be about her outfit, which is gold in order to represent royalty.

Gotta keep my cool, yeah, baby (you know she's gotta keep it cool)

And even though you've had your fun

Running around with some pretty young thing

This is in reference to the confirmed affairs - possibly specifically Anne Boleyn, as she was around 10 years younger than Henry.

And even though you've had one son

With someone who don't own a wedding ring

Although there was no heir from Aragon, Henry did have an illegitimate son with Elizabeth Blount; Henry Fitzroy.

No matter what I heard, I didn't say a word

No, baby (you know she never said a word)

I've put up with your sh- like every single day (whoa, whoa)

While the other queens often are censored by the rest of the queens, Aragon stops herself from cursing on her own. This could be because she is the most mature in character and holds high standards for herself, as she still sees herself as a queen.

But now it's time to shh, and listen when I say

Women were expected to be the ones having to listen during the Tudor times, so this shows Aragon’s confidence and how her character may break the patriarchal stereotype of a woman.

You must think that I'm crazy

You wanna replace me, baby there's

This is likely about Anne Boleyn, who took Aragon’s place as Henry’s wife and queen after her.

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

If you think for a moment

I'd grant you annulment, just hold up, there's

Throughout the entire song Aragon is trying to discover a legitimate reason why she should be divorced from Henry (mainly near the end), but as there isn’t a clear answer other than his own selfish desires, she refuses to grant annulment.

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

No way

No way

There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

No way

No way

There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

There's no way

So you read a bible verse that I'm cursed

'Cause I was your brother's wife

You say it's a pity 'cause quoting Leviticus

"I'll end up kidiless all my life"

When Henry did state a reason, the main one was based on a passage in Leviticus - and she was married to Henry’s brother, Arthur, before he passed away and she was sent to marry once more.

Well, daddy weren't you there, when I gave birth to Mary? (Oh, hi baby)

(Daughters are so easy to forget)

Aragon had 5 confirmed miscarriages, therefore the only child of hers that survived was Mary. However, Henry demanded a male heir to the throne, so the birth of a daughter was not important to him.

You're just so full of sh-, must think that I'm naive (whoa, whoa)

I won't back down won't shh, and no, I'll never leave

Even after her annulment, Aragon stated she was the rightful queen, therefore refusing to leave her title.

You must think that I'm crazy

You wanna replace me, baby, there's

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

If you thought it'd be funny, to send me to a nunnery, honey, there's

During the divorce procedures, it was suggested she can go to a nunnery. This is viewed as a bad thing throughout the entire show until the very end, when it is revealed that this could’ve helped the character of Aragon with a career in singing.

No way

No way

No way

There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

No way

No way (no way)

There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

There's no way

Hey

Let's go

Here we go

You got me down on my knees

Please tell me what you think I've done wrong

Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along

During the Legatine Court, Aragon knelt in front of Henry to explain to him why she was a good wife. The most notable words she used were ‘humble’ and ‘loyal’.

If you can just explain a single thing

I've done to cause you pain, I'll go

No?

You've got nothing to say?

There is no evidence of Aragon doing anything wrong in her relationship (as nowadays we have better understanding that the miscarriages were not her own fault).

I'm not going away

There's no way

You must think that I'm crazy

You wanna replace me? Baby, there's

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

You made me a wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life

Even at her final moments, she still refused to give up her title as queen, even submitting a letter to Henry where she states to be his wife and queen.

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

No way (no way)

No way

N-n-n-nup-na-nup-na-nup-na

No way

No way

There's

N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

There's no way

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the asshole for proposing to someone and then kissing her best friend?

I feel terrible for this. I (18M) proposed to this girl I just met (20sF). If I don't get married, my father will be forcing me to join the army, so I proposed to her because I felt like we were bonding and I've never met anyone like her before. She said no, which I completely understand, since she just got out of what she calls a serious relationship (they were together for four days, but it ended really badly). Anyway, her parents came along, and she didn't want to join the nunnery, so she told them that we're engaged. My father is very happy, since now he can be with a woman he's been in love with for years (I'm not sure how it works that I (or my fiance?) have to be married for this, but they had an affair before my mother died). So, I went to find the friar, and I bumped into a really pretty person (20sENBY), who offered me a drink. They mentioned that they're my fiance's friend, and I told them that I just proposed to her. Then I told them that I never kissed a girl before, they said that I'd have nothing to compare it to, and so... I kissed them. I really liked it. So we kissed again. And again. I feel really bad, I care about my fiance and I don't want her to have to join a nunnery, but I also... don't want to marry her.

Am I the asshole?