#back on some beatles bullshit I guess

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 4)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt. Setting: Highway outside of Atlanta. 

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, degrading behavior, season 2 Daryl, smut, oral (m receiving)(kind of) weird. Just weirdo perv (out of desperation) Daryl. 

Word Count: 3200

A/N; Daryl’s POV 😩🤷‍♀️ 17+ mdni

masterlist

Been keepin’ Merle’s stuff pretty well hidden. Guess I should probably just get rid of it, right? But I can’t. S’not mine to get rid of. So I just hide it. Separate bag from the rest of his meds, all the way at the bottom of a backpack, stuffed under the seat of my truck. 

Beatle says she’s been sober off spazz shit for three years. Pretty sure three years ago s’when I met her though, so I’unno how she figures that. 

But now we’re ditchin’ the truck and I gotta find a way to carry it without Beatle finding it. Don’t even have time to be upset about my truck. Had it for at least the last ten years. Loved this thing like it was the only thing I had. Basically was for a while. 

Takin’ Merles bike. It’s got some dumbass Nazi shit on it, but ‘m not complainin’. That shit don’t matter anymore. Neither does bein’ upset over a truck that’s not gonna do me any good without gas. 

Pack myself two bags. One goes with Beatle in Dale’s RV, the other is the pack I’d had stuffed under the seat. Spazz gets hidden underneath a few shirts, smokes, the couple sips left of girlwhiskey, and the rest of Merle’s scripts. Stuff I don’t trust Beatle with.  

I think she knows, too. She doesn’t say it but she gives me a look when I tell her ‘m holdin’ onto it. I offer her a whole cigarette. All for herself. And it shuts her up enough not to push it. 

Don’t know if I like when she’s happy or not. Kinda makes me feel sick so I try not to think about it. Dunno. Whatever. Don’t got time to think about that shit anyway. S’always somethin’. 

Don’t really even got the time to think about what a shit show the CDC was. Just gotta keep movin’. Guess the plan is Fort Bennet? Don’t know. Don’t care. ‘m just goin’. 

It’s nice to be back on a bike again. Can’t feel nothin’ but the vibrating underneath me and the air in my face. Can’t hear nothin’ but the engine. By myself. Like all this shit hasn’t happened…

No use in thinkin’ ‘bout it that way, though. Has happened. And I ain’t gonna be one of those sorry sacks that wants to pretend shit ain’t the way it is. That’s one thing I like Beatle for. She don’t pretend shits gonna go back. Don’t miss nothin’, ain’t lookin’ for no one. Far as I see it, she’s happy mostly. Guess it’s easy when someone’s takin’ care of everything for ya. Me. Giving her my smokes and buildin’ fires for my damn self, thinkin’ everything tha’s mine is hers. It ain’t. 

Other people makin’ plans. Other people findin’ shelter. Other peoples food. 

Too many people in this group ain’t pullin’ their own weight. It’s gonna catch up sooner or later. Beatle’s a weak player. Can’t decide if I should help her out or not. Can’t decide if I should protect her or not. Cuz she don’t want it, she don’t think she needs it. But she’s gonna need it. Sooner or later. 

Cuz I know I hate her and all that. Dumb fuckin’ bitch for sure. But after what happened at the CDC? Thought we were gonna die. Thought she was gonna die. Fuck. I’unno. Guess I felt somethin’. 

I’m in between knowin’ it and hatin’ it. It can be both right? Cuz it’s definitely both. One more thing I gotta care about. Real fuckin’ stupid. 

We’re only on the road a few hours before shit blows. Literally. Dales radiator. Good ‘n done. Then more bullshit happens but ain’t that the way shit is now?

A whole herd of ‘em come through and everyone’s fine. Andrea’s havin’ a panic attack ‘bout the geek that almost ate ‘er, Carol’s kid run off into the woods, and T-Dog’s all but bled out. But to me? Basically fine. No one’s dead or nothin’. 

Don’t know where Beatle was when the herd came. But she’s fine too, and any worryin’ I’d been doin was a waste of fuckin’ time. Not gonna waste any more of it bein’ mad I was worried in the first place. That I couldn’t think ‘bout anything else. Just images of her stupid happy face gettin’ ripped apart. Guess I care now. At least ‘bout her not bein’ dead. ‘Bout her bein’ here.

She’s standin’ outside the RV with me, sharing a cigarette cuz I don’t know how else to tell her I’m glad she’s alive. Can’t stop lookin’ at her. She’s either ignoring my staring or pretendin’ I ain’t doin’ it, and ‘m grateful. Don’t wanna talk ‘bout that shit. Just wanna look at her, and fix all those images in my head. Her face still happy and perfect and smilin’ at me like it wasn’t bein’ eaten by monsters a few minutes ago. 

I feel sick. Somethin’… different. 

“Can I just hug you, please?” She asks like she’s been waitin’ to say it. 

“Why?” I squint at her, dragging the smoke. Kinda want to - kinda mad she asked instead of just doin’ it, “Since when do you ask permi-“ I’m cut off by her body wrapped around mine. All four limbs holdin’ on like I’m keepin’ her anchored to the world. 

I hug her back, arms pulled tight around her. Why am I doing this? What the fuck is this? Goin’ fuckin’ soft for some dumb little girl. I can hear Merle laughin’ at me from inside my head, and I drop Beatle back down to the pavement. 

“I’m glad you’re alive.” She says, and I look down at her. Now she’s all covered in the gross shit I’m covered in. She doesn’t seem to care. Doesn’t even seem to notice. 

“Yeah?” I say at her, cuz I don’t know what else to say. Can’t tell her Im glad she’s alive. Can’t give her that. I hugged her back, that’s enough. She should know. 

She nods, smiling that stupid fuckin’ smile that I’m startin’ to like. ‘Fore her face starts wrinklin’ up somethin’ nasty. There it is. She looks at me, then down at herself. “What the fuck, Daryl?” 

Me?! “‘Pleeeease can I hug you, Daryl?’” I mock her. 

“I was worried!! And then you’re alive and okay and I  didn’t have time to look at you covered in guts and shit!” She squeals. I swear she knows it irritates me. I can see her goin’ to punch me in the arm so I let her, then pull her into another hug. 

Grabbin’ at her head to bring it close to my chest, covered in week old decaying monster meat, “C’mon, Beatle. Gimme a hug!” She’s tryin’ to fight it but ‘m stronger. 

She bends her knees and slips down and out of my arms. The blood on my hands making her too slippery to hold onto. She starts runnin’. I run after her til we get to the side of the road and she tries to hide underneath the trunk of a car crashed into the rail. 

Maybe this ain’t the time for fuckin’ around, but it don’t matter. Not when I finally got her cornered. The look of fear in her eyes does somethin’ to me. Not real fear.  Naw, cuz she’s smilin’. Cuz she’s laughin’. Just excited that we’re both still breathing. Still, smile on her face and laugh in her throat, she’s cowering beneath a cars trunk, beggin’ me to stop. The beggin’s doin’ somethin’ to me too. Fuck. 

I pick her up, slingin’ her over my shoulder, she yelps. Don’t she know how this shit works yet? “Fuckin’ quiet, Beatle. Dumb bitch.” I slap her ass once and she fuckin’ yelps again. “Wha’ did I just say?” And I slap her ass again. This time she’s quiet. 

Shit, that worked? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My dicks hard. 

I’unno if it’s cuz I never carried a girl over my shoulder like this, cuz I spanked her couple times, or cuz she listened. My dick gets even harder and I realize it’s definitely fuckin’ all of it. But mostly that she listened when I told her what to do. Maybe I should tell her what to do more often. Fuck. ‘m not helpin’ myself, or my problem, at all. 

I dip my head down to smell the sick I’m covered in to make it go away. It works. Even with her ass next to my face. So close I could bite it. For fucks sake. I put her down but she doesn’t run away this time. We walk slowly back to the group. Not sayin’ nothin’. Me, cuz I’m trying to focus on the smell of rotten flesh and definitely not Beatle beggin’ me to stop. Definitely not about what her face looked like when she felt my hand on her ass.  

Wonder if she’s quiet cuz she’s thinkin’ about it too.

 Wondering what she’s thinkin’ about and tryin’ to will away a stiffy. Fuck this fuckin’ high school bullshit. Like she reads my mind, I feel her needy little fingers snake into my hand. For a second I think maybe I’m smokin’ a cigarette I don’t remember havin’ but ‘m not. She’s just tryin’ to hold my hand. 

At first it feels nice, and then I feel sick again. Too many questions unanswered. Too much shit that’s already happened. Can’t trust her. So I shake her hand off, “Stop.” 

“Fine. Fuck you.” She stomps away and back into the RV. I’unno what the fuck’s wrong with me that it makes me smile. Do I like when she’s happy? Shit, I dunno. If I did, wouldn’t I not like it when she’s upset? So why does her being mad at me do it for me too? 

✨🏹

Whatever. 

She comes with me to go look for Sophia. Andrea stood up like she was gonna come too, but once Beatle and I are standin’ next to the RV Andrea doesn’t follow us out.

 We don’t stray too far from the road. It’s dark, and mostly just came out here to help ease Carol’s mind. ‘m definitely goin’ soft. But I’unno. Hurts to watch people lose stuff. Their families. Hurts to watch people hurt. 

Gonna hurt Beatle in a fuckin’ second if she doesn’t shut the fuck up. We’re walkin’ through the woods. At night. She’s gotta know this shit by now. “Beatle, keep your fuckin’ voice down. Please.” Did I just say please? Fuck me. 

“Did you just say ‘please’?” Fuck. Me. 

“Shut up.” 

“Don’t think I know how.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” She laughs, and it makes me smile. And that makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again. 

Her voice cuts through while I’m makin’ myself even sicker thinkin’ about it, “You wanna play another game?”

My eyebrows raise in her direction, “Yeah, that went real well for ya last time.” 

“Nevermind.” Her face falters and she crosses her arms across her chest. 

“What, you don’t wanna get half naked and cry again?” And for fuckin’ once I wish Beatle had somethin’ to say back. Some smartass shit that isn’t even funny but she definitely means it to be. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. She just lets my question hang in the fuckin’ air and suffocate me. Cuz now I’m thinkin’ about her half naked and crying and my fuckin dicks hard again. What is this shit? Rock hard cock every time I pick on her now? ‘m not gonna be able to do this. She’s gonna notice. Where the fuck is a guy supposed to jerk off and relieve some of this shit? 

On her fuckin’ face.

Shit.

She’s been quiet for too long and my brain won’t stop. It’s just getting worse. Images of her now, her face covered in my cum, her lips humming together making little bubbles with it, smiling. Shit. 

Beatle, say something. Anything.

“How big’s your dick?” Not. Fucking. That. 

She listens… right? She wants it, right? Why else would she ask that? Now, when it’s just the two of us out in the woods in the dark. She wants me to show her. 

So show her.

“Beatle.” My voice is low, barely there. Just a rasp of a word. 

She turns around, ready to explain herself before she even looks at me, “I-“ 

“C’mere.” If I don’t cut her off she’s gonna say she was just jokin’ but we both know she ain’t jokin’. She wants ta know. So she’s gonna know. 

Feel like I can see her blushin’ in the moonlight as she walks toward me, even though I can’t. Just know she is. Smile on her face like I ain’t about to wipe it off with my cock. Shit, hard as a fuckin’ rock right now. I rub my palm over the length of it, and I watch her eyes follow my arm down. Watch ‘em get bigger, wide and nervous, and it makes my dick twitch against my jeans. I pull out a smoke and light one, for a second I see a disappointment in her face, thinkin’ maybe I’d just called her over to share a smoke. Naw. “Down on your knees.” 

And Jesus Christ, does she kneel so fuckin’ fast. She stares straight ahead, and somethin’ comes over me. Can’t wait. Don’t want to. Don’t need to. Beatle does what I ask, at least when it comes to this. Like a good little slut would. That is what she’s good at, ain’t it? 

So maybe it’s a little fucked up that I grab her head and force her against the rough fabric of my jeans. Pushing my cock into her cheek as hard as I fuckin’ can. Holding her by the hair and rubbing her face on me. 

But this little bitch moans. At first I wasn’t sure, but she keeps fuckin’ moaning. She likes this. Somethin’ close to a laugh escapes my throat, past the cigarette between my lips. I take it with my fingers, letting one hand go from her head, the other hand pulls her back to look up at me. Her expression absolutely blown. She just looks at me for a second, before putting her face back on my cock on her own. It’s not the same amount of pressure but it still feels fuckin’ good. And somethin’ about her doin’ it on her own. Like she can’t fuckin’ help it. Like she needs it. 

She’s starts to lick at the fabric right where my head is and my dick spasms again at the sight of it. This time she can feel it underneath her mouth. She smiles up at me, smirkin’ down at her. Putting the cigarette in my mouth, I drag it, before bringing it down to her lips. A little reward for listening. 

She drags it once and I drop it on the ground. Beatle says “Thank you.” In the smallest voice I ever heard come out of her mouth. Fuck. I could fall in love with this Beatle. It’s just your dick talkin’ Dar, don’t get crazy. 

I grunt a laugh and start to unbuckle my belt. Unbutton my pants. Barely have my cock in my hand ‘fore her mouths around it. I pull her back by her hair, sharply. She winces in pain and reaches up to her head where I’m holdin’ on. Her eyes shoot up to look at me. 

God, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have that image burned in my brain for the rest of my life. Her face, all discomfort and contempt because I won’t let her touch me. Like she’s fuckin’ dying for it. “Nah, keep your mouth shut Beatle. Gotta learn ta do what yer told.” 

She nods, and closes her lips. Looking from my eyes back down my body again. I lean back, takin’ myself in my hand and pressing my cock into her face. 

For a while I just rub myself all over, letting her feel the weight of it. Letting her know just how big it really fuckin’ is. Lifting it off her face and smackin’ her cheeks. Makin’ her flinch, her eyes squish closed but I press my hard cock against her eye and push up forcing her eyelid open. Fuck. I do the same thing with her lips. Smushing and rubbing the head of it into her lips to open them, I fuck against her mouth for a second. Beatles groaning and moaning but she doesn’t open her mouth. Somethin’ about it makes me need to cum. Now. No more fuckin’ around. “Open up.” 

She does. I spit into her open mouth, and she moans again, without swallowing it. Like a good slut. “Fuck, Beatle. Shit. Now stick your tongue out.” 

She does. I can see my spit falling off her tongue and I quickly catch it with my cock, before smearing as much of the slick spit from her mouth onto me. Taking myself from the base, holding hard to cut off the circulation. Always feels better when I do that. Rubbin her tongue with my cock til I can’t fuckin take it anymore. I’m about to fuckin’  cum. I pull away for only a second, my breathings all fucked and I can barely speak, “Close yer mouth.” She looks confused for a second but closes her mouth. Good. Was about to smack her. 

My left hand finds a place on the back of her head again, gripping into her hair to hold her in place. I push my hips forward and put the whole length across her face. My other hand pressing myself down into her from above her. And I fuck myself on her face. Grunting and sloppy and desperate to cum. Never done this before, shit, does anyone do this? But fuck, it’s so fuckin’ hot. Her lips and her cheeks and her eyelids and her nose all squished and being fuckin’ ruined by my cock. Shit.  Fuck. 

Right as I’m about to cum I put both hands around her head and hump her face like… I don’t even know. I feel fuckin’ insane, but she’s still moaning at the feeling of being used. Not even in a way that should be enjoyable to her. 

I don’t think I’ve ever cum that much in my whole fuckin’ life. Most of it ends up in Beatle’s hair, but there’s still a whole lot of it on her face. I mess with it for a second. Swirling my puffy post-nut dick in it before I get oversensitive. 

I put myself away, and sit down on the ground next to Beatle. Still in the exact same position. I let her kneel there, don’t tell her she can move or nothin’. Guess that’s why she doesn’t. Don’t think she can open her eyes either. S’funny. 

Relighting the short I’d dropped to the ground, I pull a bandana from my pocket. “Is it big, Beatle?” I ask her while I wipe only her mouth off, and put the cigarette between her lips. 

She sucks on the filter, and smiles. “Yep.”

Eventually I wipe off her eyes too. Can’t do anything about her hair though, so I promise to find her a hat from one of the cars on the walk back. 

And I don’t let myself think about what this might mean. Who cares? I don’t. Don’t think Beatle does neither. We’re just goin’. 

pt 5

A/N: Yeah okay,  I know. Daryl’s all back and forth. Does he not give a shit about Merle and Beatle? Does he know deep down they never did anything together? Or maybe he just wasn’t thinking about it at the time? He’s confused, guys. He also really doesn’t have all the information (Eventually he’s gonna ask but first we have to deal with Sophia. Sorry. I don’t want to either.)

[mildredpierce8]

BEAR WITH ME AND MY RANT ABT THE NEW FITO PAEZ BIOPIC TV SHOW ON NETFLIX

OK......

So, basically Netflix released a biopic tv show about the life of Argentinian rock star Fito Paez and I'm literally so excited to watch it for a number of reasons, but the second I found out that this was a thing I got the urge to go on tumblr and just explode so here goes.

The show is called "El Amor despues del Amor", named after Paez's sensational hit song linked below:

*please listen its actually so good

Anyways the gringos butchered it and dubbed the show in English to be called Love After Music which makes no fucking sense because the song literally translates to Love after Love not Love after Music and it is just sooo stupid, but anyway what can I do abt that.

This show excites me so much, first of all, because I think Fito Paez 10000000% deserves this kind of recognition, because he really is one of the most iconic latinamerican artists of his generation, and his music challenged the assumption that good pop and rock music could only be made and produced in English.

I guess mostly the reason this show excites me is because it is a show about a latinamerican rock artist, which you just don't get that often and I have been dying to see one. (Also, Argentinian alternative rock is definitely one of my hyper-specific fandoms and new content being produced for it is really exciting).

My mission in life, amongst other things, is to give the South and Central American rock scene the recognition it deserves, because often times people act like it doesn't exist, and new wave/ 80s pop/rock only came out of the US or England. Latinamerican rock serves an extremely important purpose in society, as it was quite literally revolutionary. (I'm bullshitting and tired, so ignore the uneccessary sentences, but my point is valid). Rock in Argentina was used to fight back against A LITERAL MILITARY DICTATORSHIP. And the fact that all the rock music biopics are still England and US centric is really annoying.

I'm not saying I don't enjoy shows or movies about music produced in the US or England, but there are so many amazing stories to tell from the perspective and about the lives of Hispanic musicians. Why are they constantly overlooked?

AND NOT JUST ABOUT MUSIC

Where are the movies about Argentinian Military Dictatorship? (IK they exist guys im just saying we should talk more about the fact that it happened). Actually for anyone interested pls watch the movie "Argentina, 1985", it is great!

Where are the movies about indigenous communities being wiped from existence in virtually every South American country?

Or, as a Colombian, can we get a show about terrorism or the drug trade in Colombia that isn't made from the bullshit NARCOS perspective of white guy policemen saviors, when we all know that all American cops did in Colombia was militarize our police forces and teach them how to abuse the public.

I'm getting off topic

THERE ARE AMAZING MUSIC STORIES COMING OUT OF LATIN AMERICA

Like the entire Mexican punk rock scene it is so cool

Cafe Tacvba, Maldita, Caifanes.

Where's the series abt Colombian metalheads. The metal scene was huge.

Or the goth scene. There was a time where you would walk on the street and you would see crowds of Morticias going to dance The Cure at a club.

Or the fact that Seru Giran recorded their first album in exile in Brazil bcs the government literally had them on a hitlist.

Which speaking of Seru Giran, how is there not a movie abt that yet. Seru Giran is such an iconic fucking band led by none other than Charly Garcia. They are a gift from God to humanity, they are pioneers of progressive rock, I don't know anyone like them. And I'm always saying this but if Seru Giran were British or American they would be just as highly regarded as the Beatles or the Rolling Stones or Pink Floyd because they are just too good.

Here are some Seru Giran songs everyone should listen to:

*this man is everything. synth on top of a keyboard on top of a piano.

Anyways, if you're still reading at this point you are very dedicated and i appreciate that.

And side note, please watch this performance of Charly Garcia, Fito Paez and the one and only Fabi Cantilo bcs it is too good:

*ojos de videotape is one of the most beautiful songs ever written and sometimes idk if its even real.

OKAY SO, TO CONCLUDE THIS EXTREMELY INCOHERENT RAMBLING,

I am extremely happy about the fact that latino stories are being told in media like this because its something that i feel as a fan of rock music and a latina i have been missing from my life. And you may think why do we need movies abt dictatorship or drug deals or terrorism. Doesn't that just perpetuate the stereotype that that's all your country has. NO ON THE CONTRARY. When it's told by big American corporations, it often loses meaning. Shows written by latinos about latinamerican experiences showcase the reason I am so proud to be latina. Because we are a resilient people. Our humanity shines through even in the darkest of times. In the midst of wars and dictatorship, we can come up with shit like this and it is so cool. And I wish there was more recognition for that.

So yeah maybe this isn't a rant abt Fito Paez, even though I love him so much. And I'm more than sure this show is about his life and not about Argentinian military dictatorship.

But I guess mostly I hope this will encourage more latino filmmakers to tell our stories. Tell our stories because they are so cool, and I love watching movies abt rockstars. But I would love it so much more to watch movies about rockstars who look like me.

So I'll get back to this after I watch the show. Chau :)

[fuckedupdreamjournal]

Had a dream that the Beatles were just... back? Like they just announced "Oh hey they all got back together, they're gonna keep making music now I guess" and I had accepted it for a while until I realized "Hey wait John and George are dead, how the fuck?" and I remember thinking/dreaming to myself "Oh. John would absolutely fake his death just for some bullshit like this."

[someotherdog]

another part of the ritual that he loved: watching their faces as they were thinking, entirely visible in their expression. it was almost as if he could literally see the cogs turning. how am i going to get out of this?, they were thinking. how could i hurt him before he hurts me?, they wondered. well, blair wanted to tell them, you won’t and you can’t. no matter how many times he had done this, no matter if the victim was a man or a woman, all their escape attempts failed, and they could rarely overpower him before he got them back. sometimes they’d be able to get a punch or kick in; one even stabbed him in the calf with his own knife, but he’d win in the end.

it was a game. he was a god. god always won.

it seemed noah came to the right conclusion. “good girl!” blair praised her teasingly, rubbing the tip of his nose against her hair. “now that we’ve got that squared away, i might trust you enough to take my hand off your knee… but not just yet.” to demonstrate that, he put more pressure down, increasing their speed just a little. he had to watch the speedometer, make sure she didn’t try to capture the attention of some roadside cop even if she said she wouldn’t. victims lied. blair lied, too. he lied when he said he’d let them go and lied when he said he wasn’t going to hurt them. he lied about whatever he wanted and laughed when they realized the truth of it.

“peter cetera?” blair repeated in disbelief, tone utterly mocking. “my god.” he cribbed most of his musical taste from his twin brother, darby, his hometown’s resident metalhead. typically, blair was the more dominant of the two, but he let his brother take the lead when it came to whatever they listened to. the local record store was run by the only two other people in town with similar tastes in music and fashion—of course, the good people of robichaux labeled them as satanists because they didn’t know any better and watched too much sally jessy raphael—and they imported records from out of the state and sometimes out of the country. until his brother suddenly changed in the seventh grade from the normal trailer trash kid that the twins had always been and delved into the metal scene, blair hadn’t given much of a thought about music. whatever guess who or beatles record his parents played or soft rock like air supply played on the radio was just background noise to him.

“you like chicago? that shit’s for old people, man.” his grip on his knife loosened just a little, head tilting as he started ranting. “you don’t know what’s up and coming then, i’m telling ya. surely you know of metallica, right? they’re not my favorite but ride the lightning is one of the best albums that’s come out in decades, you gotta check it out. my brother liked iron maiden and shit but if i wanted to listen to a bunch of nerds talk about dragons and swords, i’d just go to some dungeons and dragons meetup, y’know?” blair laughed, delighted he had a captive audience. “personally, i like this band called ministry. their first album was some synth-pop duran duran bullshit, but then they came out with twitch and it was so much better. darby said they were posers but…” he sighed, trailing off. it was hard to talk about his twin brother and hard not to talk about his brother.

he was getting distracted.

suddenly, blair shifted his body and pressed the knife against her skin again. “anyway! who cares about that shit right now? clever tactic, though, getting my mind on something else. you’re smarter than i gave you credit for.” he had to blame his distraction on anything but himself, so he decided that she was trying to manipulate him. “too bad i hate smart girls!”

Of course the bargaining wouldn't work. Hell, Noah should know better. It was a tale as old as time: From the movie scripts she read and the parts she auditioned for to the pulp fiction on her shelf at her apartment to the news channels she flipped through before having her TV dinner for the night, victims never survived. Just immortalized, their names and birthdays and maybe an epitaph on a gravestone left to gather dust and dirt in a cemetery. Her throat and chest tightened at the thought that she would become just another memorial.

This couldn't be it, could it?

(If she made it out of this, she'd grovel on those cobblestone steps she always heard her dad talking about when it came to repenting for your sins or wishing for a better life from God. Begging. Noah never saw herself as a beggar, but this would change her. If she got out of this alive, she would...)

Her brain buzzed as it sifted through the thousands of possible sequences of events. If she tried to crash the car, she could kill them both. Or she could get away. Or he could stab her just as she's swerving the car and they'll flip, but he'll somehow get away unscathed. She could cooperate and keep driving. Play his game for as long as he wanted 'til he was bored. But then he'd throw her away whenever he was satisfied and all her cooperation would be for nothing. No matter how she worked through it in the seconds between his last words and what would be her first ones, things seemed grim—fucking pitch black lights out—for Noah.

"You're—you're right," she stammered, any little hitched breath adding pressure to the way he held his knife against her neck. She tried to keep her voice relatively even and calm, feigning reasonability, despite the shuddering. "I'm sorry. I won't try anything. Won't drive off or speed or—or anything."

She kept her head straight, facing the road; her hands were firm on the wheel and her arms were growing stiff. But she darted her gaze toward him. Trying to burn the image of his face in her mind, anything she could see whenever the moonlight or a passing street lamp illuminated his face. Just in case she got out of this, she wanted this fucker caught. At the same time, she wanted him to trust her, or at least wanted to take a shot at him entrusting her in some way. Maybe he could see they weren't so different, that they could get along, and maybe he'd spare her. There was a chance he'd seen it all, heard it all. But not from Noah.

She licked her lips and focused for a moment on the song playing.

You bring out the best in me With love and understanding Anytime I need some understanding You are always there ♫

"I love Peter Cetera," she said, chuckling softly, attempting to conceal her nervousness. "Chicago didn't—didn't know what they had when they booted him and they were never really the same after he left." // @someotherdog

[myoddessy]

the eyes of eddie munson. the perfect girl miniseries part two.

series masterlist

the eyes of robin buckley, jonathan byers, maxine mayfield, y/n l/n.

the playlist.

she was unique in her simplicities. so normal that she soon became abnormal. she wore greys, and blacks, and browns while her peers donned neons and vibrancy, and soon enough, shadows became blinding, leaving her to stick out like a sore thumb. it was impossible to not notice her. or maybe that's just what i told myself to feel better about how much i noticed her.

i couldn't explain it back then, i can't explain it now, there was just something different about her. something special.

maybe it was the fact that nobody knew her, only wanting to have what others didn't; information, mindless trivia all to do with her. the girl from the backlogs of hawkins. the girl who seemed to personify dusk. the girl who contradicted the meaning of popularity. she was the hushed whispers you hear when attendance is called, the quiet "who's she?" and "is she new?". she was the poster child for social suicide, the obnoxious "sit with us or you'll end up like, that." and "i maybe be a fucking loser with hair greasier than the hawkins diner grill, but at least i'm not her."

i'd only heard her voice once, and the moment flashed by so quickly, i would have missed it if a tree rustled. headphones in, as always, head swaying slightly as she hummed in dulcet tones. some bullshit beatles song that i fucking hate but managed to sound somewhat okay coming from her. it was weird, i liked it. it betrayed her image. sweet like rock candy but quiet like a whisper.

i wanted to write something about her. to put her mystery to music in hopes of finally being able to learn about who she was. but i could never quite find the right words to describe her. i mean, how do you describe something as unabashed as her? pretty was too simple. beautiful was an understatement. ethereal seemed too eccentric, too pointlessly poetic.

the closest i ever came to pinpointing her to a single word was oceanic. raw and unafraid. like the ocean she raged in silent currents and thoughts so loud you forced yourself to be alone with them. and yet, there was an air of gentle enticement about her. something drew you to her.

maybe it had something to do with those coloured rocks she wore as necklaces, they seemed abnormal in its true definition. i wonder if she'd have told me what they were if i'd asked. i think about conversations we could have said a lot, actually. if she'd still be dead if i asked her about music when i heard her that one day, or what would have been different if showed up to class when we were parters for an english assignment in freshman year.

she was surreal. a blink-and-you-miss-it type of beauty. if someone told me that she wasn't real and that i'd been staring at empty seats for far too long, i'd believe them. she was a dream. i guess that's all left of her too. a dream. a perfect dream. my dream.

[harrisonarchive]

Dhani Harrison and Tom Petty; Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers celebrate Runnin' Down A Dream, to benefit the Tipitina's Foundation, Milk Studios, New York City, 14 November 2007. Photos by DAVID X PRUTTING/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images.

"'We were going to cancel everything 'cause we were all so sad, and then we thought Tom would want us to go out and play loud and turn that shit up and play hard and loud and get on with us -- Don't bore us, get to the chorus,’ [Dhani] Harrison tells Billboard. ‘So what's what we did. We just carried on, and we're just keeping on keeping on.’ Like so many, Harrison was deeply affected by Petty's death and spent ‘a lot of time’ in the immediate aftermath with the Heartbreakers and Wilburys mate Jeff Lynne. ‘They're my family, and they've always really looked after me, ever since my father passed away,’ Harrison says. ‘Yeah, my heart's broken. It's tremendously sad and absolutely heartbreaking. He's one of my best mates. It hasn't hit me yet how much I'm going to miss him. We were all so close and as families we hung out, the Harrisons on the Pettys. They've been neighbors and my friends, my family, so it's a huge loss... I think in my community and in my life I definitely haven't felt any loss like this since my dad.’” - Billboard, 16 October 2017 (x)

“‘He was very supportive of me. I mean, it’s so recent, so new, I don’t have anything to say that’s original,’ says Dhani, sitting at Yahoo Music a week and a half later and clearly still processing the terrible loss. ‘I mean, it’s awful to lose Tom. I haven’t seen anything like that happen since my dad [passed away in 2001], such an outpouring. ‘[Tom] was the first person I played this record to. He sat and listened to the whole thing, from start to finish, and loved it. He was so supportive of everything I did. It was just in [February 2017] when I played with him at MusiCares. We played with the Heartbreakers and Jeff Lynne, we had the Bangles as our backing vocals, and right in between the Bangles and the Heartbreakers, that was where he would put me. He was very, very supportive of everything I did. He was Tom. He was the *best.*’” - Yahoo Music, 17 October 2017 (x)

“‘I haven't seen this outpouring since my dad passed,’ says Dhani Harrison, a few days after Petty's death. Dhani – the son of Petty's close friend, the late Beatle George Harrison – notes that when his father died in 2001, ‘someone said, “I've never seen so many grown men cry.” The same thing can be applied to this.’ […] 'It’s so hard to believe it’s even happened,’ Dhani Harrison says of Petty’s death. He remembers, as a child, a Christmas in L.A. with the Petty and Harrison families — Dhani and Adria playing Nintendo with their rock-god dads. And there was the day that an advance copy of Full Moon Fever arrived at Friar Park, the Harrisons’ English estate. George put it on his jukebox, Dhani says, 'and just had it on repeat.’ Earlier this year, Dhani stopped by Petty’s house to play him some new music: Dhani’s first solo album, IN///PARALLEL. 'He put the record on in his studio, put his head in his hands and listened to the whole thing from start to finish,’ Dhani recalls. At the end, 'he looked at me, gave me this big, beaming smile, and said, "Guess you found your target demographic."' 'He was so proud, like a dad,’ Dhani says. 'I’m sure thinking about that in the future will make me lose it. What could be cooler in the entire wold than for your target demographic to be Tom Petty?’ […] Petty 'had a great bullshit detector — he didn’t suffers fools, just like my dad,’ says Dhani Harrison. While Petty and George Harrison 'were kind of stone-y, mellow dudes, they had that toughness. They’d kick your ass. But they loved the same stuff — ukuleles, motor racing. They would go to the Formula One races together.’ George 'really felt at ease with Tom,’ Dhani says, 'because it was like having another you next to you. There were more eyes watching out for you.’ Dhani recounts a story that Petty once told him about the Heartbreakers’ tour with Dylan — a story that 'says everything about the way Tom interacted with people: honest but cheeky.’ Onstage one night, Dylan kept complaining that the stage lights were too bright and threatened to leave if they were not turned down. Finally, Dylan walked off, forcing Petty to coax him back on as the Heartbreakers kept playing. In the wings, Dhani says, 'Bob was going, "Fucking lights. I’m not going back out there. It’s like fucking Disneyland out there." And Tom says to Bob, "You’ve never been to Disneyland." Bob just stated laughing. Tom called him on it, straight out. They walked back out there and carried on playing.’" - Rolling Stone, 18 October 2017 (x)

[ventura-starlight]

SONGS THEY WOULD POST YOU WITH

ngl I love this format of headcannons. so simple, so calming. idk it's just beautiful 😌 anyways I'm back on my bs. Next week is gonna be hell for me and I probably won't write so I'm trying to feed you guys now 😭 I tried to keep these gender neutral but the pronouns in songs aren't normally like that so I failed here 😭😭 please enjoy these nonetheless loves <3

Cupid's Chokehold by The Gym Class Heroes: "I mean she even cooks me pancakes, and Alka seltzer when my tummy aches, if that ain't love then I don't know what love is..."

->noya, hanamaki, ARAN, kyotani

More Than A Woman by The Bee Gees: "Oh, say you'll always be my baby, we can make it shine. We can take forever, just a minute at a time. More than a Woman, More than a Woman to me..."

->YACHI [I love her so much], oikawa, GOSHIKI, BOKUTO, hinata

Good Old Fashioned Loverboy by Queen: "I'd like for you and I to go romancing, say the word your wish is my command. Oooh Love, Oooh Loverboy, Whatcha doing tonight? Hey Boy!"

->TENDŌ, atsumu, sugawara, LEV,

I Wanna Be Yours by The Arctic Monkeys: "Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours. I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, Wanna be yours...."

->SEMI [I'm back on this bullshit 😭😭], MATTSUN, kageyama, shirabu [it's just a vibe idk], SAEKO, suna

Adore You by Harry Styles: "Oh honey, I'd walk through fire for you, just let me adore you, Like it's the only thing I'll ever do, like it's the only thing I'll ever do"

->HINATA, yaku [awwww], ASAHI <333, sakusa

Mrs.Officer by Little Wayne: "When I get up all in ya, oh we can hear the angels calling us, and we can see the sunrise before us, And when I'm in that thang, I'll make that body sang" WEE Ooh WeeE OoOOh WEEEE ooooHh

->TANAKA [cheeky mf], NOYA [cheeky mf pt.2], terushima,

Looking Out For You by Joy Again: "This is a love song for a girl, who will never know it's about her. I know it's pretty stupid but I'm much to shy too tell her. She's beaming with that smile all the while, I'm all tripped up on my own throat, I guess there is no hope"

->kunimi, KENMA, YAMAGUCHI, ATSUMU,

Nothing by Rex Orange County: "Nothing seems to be as floral as you baby, A scarlet love and dew-light touches were so sacred. I could never leave your face, Shower you with my warm embrace babe. And I still see that in your eyes, I hope that nothing will ever change" [I love this song so much omfg 😭]

->KIYOKO, akaashi, OSAMU, OIKAWA, yamaguchi, tsukishima

I Will by The Beatles: "Who knows how long I've loved you? You know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to I will. For if I ever saw you. I didn't catch your name. But it never really mattered, I will always feel the same. Love you forever and forever, Love you with all my heart, Love you whenever we're together, Love you when we're apart"

->AKAASHI, TSUKISHIMA, yahaba, osamu, SAKUSA, [my babies, lemme cry, 🏃‍♀️💨]

I hope you guys enjoyed these :)) it took so long 😭 I'm gonna go on a short break to focus on some school stuff but I'll be back in about a week <33 @littlehedgies @risjime

[gleekto]

Fic: Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You (9/?)

Short Summary: Blaine coming of age in 1969. Columbia University. Hippie!Kurt. Elliott and Sebastian as Blaine’s mentor-friends. Unironic use of ‘groovy’. Coming out and fitting in and falling in love.

Amazing Poster by @caramelcoffeeaddict

Full Chapter 1 (up to day eight) is now on AO3! Read it there for easy reading (and commenting!)

Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four, Day Five, Day 6, Day Seven, Day Eight

Day Nine: Regular (Truly destiny that this word falls on this scene)

Blaine eats dinner at the residence cafeteria with Sam and Tina, pushing around the dry roast beef on his plate. Chewing that gummy stuff seems too effortful when he's preoccupied. Honestly, making coherent comments in the mundane conversation about the pros and cons of the Beatles versus Simon and Garfunkel while replaying his conversation with Kurt in his head is complicated enough.

"Guys, I'm going to catch you later. I've just gotta make a phone call about show choir." The men's glee club, which he is still singing in, has become his cover for all things to do with the Homophile League. It's getting tired really and he knows he really should tell Sam and Tina. Tina is from New York and she even commented at breakfast the other day that the article shaming Earl Hall for hosting the homosexual group was so prejudiced and old fashioned.

"Are they still in the dark ages?" She shook her head to herself. "There's nothing wrong with it, really. This is the late 60's. It's time to let people be free to do what they want. You probably think it's gross," She looked up at him briefly before looking back down at the article. "But I think it's kind of hot." She said it proudly.

"I don't think it's gross," Is all he said.

"How modern of you."

He's more worried about Sam really. He's a guy. And he lives with him. If Sam is uncomfortable, he will be uncomfortable and that is a risky situation. All in good time, Elliott had told him. It's not a rush and it's his choice. He definitely needs to talk to Elliott right now.

He gets back to his blessedly empty room and dials him on his rotary phone. "Hey Elliott. It's Blaine."

"Is everything okay?" Elliott's immediately concerned.

"Yeah, why?"

"It's 9pm on a weeknight and wait - Did I forget a meeting or something? Sebastian's here and I think we got a little distracted-" Blaine can just picture the smirk on Sebastian's face in the background. He wonders if they have clothes on. And immediately wants to stop wondering. He guesses he doesn't usually call Elliott out of nowhere.

"No, no. I just - umm, I have some news?" Elliott hums in interest. "Turns out, that my friend, Kurt, you know from the-"

"Yes, Blaine. We know Kurt." That's Sebastian listening in the background. Back seat driver.

"Well, he is gay."

"Blaine, we know." Sebastian again. Elliott chuckles.

"I think the bigger news here is that you finally figured it out."

"How were you so sure?"

"Call it a sixth sense, takes one to know one. Been around the block - that kind of thing," Elliott says. "Oh yeah, and that he came to the Homophile League meeting. Honestly Blaine." Blaine can just see him rolling his eyes. With affection, though.

"The real question is why you didn't know, Blaine. What are you so afraid of?" Sebastian always cuts through the bullshit.

"Whatever Sebastian. I was just being respectful."

"And being a homo is disrespectful because..."

"Okay Seb, that's enough. Excuse me while I swat him away," Elliott says. "It's great, Blaine. We're always glad to have a new member of the team."

"And I declare it's officially your job to welcome him." Sebastian and his smug tone. Blaine loves and hates the implication. Because Kurt is attractive. And he is gay. Obviously Blaine has to make sure Kurt knows that he's not just lusting after him, that they are friends. Or he risks scaring Kurt away.

After their joint class the next day, Kurt wants a coffee before heading home and they end up finding themselves at a corner table sipping watered down campus cafeteria coffee made better by whole milk and sugar cubes.

"Do you miss home?" Blaine asks.

"Do I miss Lima, Ohio?" Kurt grimaces. "Look at me, Blaine." Blaine appreciates Kurt's always edgy outfit of the day - today plaid orange and brown bell bottoms with a silk brown button down shirt and an orange scarf around his neck. High fashion hippie, he's termed it in his head. "I spent a lot of years standing out - not in the good way -"

"And now it's in the good way," Blaine smiles at him. Kurt shakes his head with a little blush.

"I don't know about that, but I mean, I miss my dad sometimes, but I don't miss Lima. Do you miss Westerville? The guy you had a crush on? Your best friend, you said."

"Oh that? Yeah, that's Thad," Blaine waves dismissing the idea. "He's not gay, though. Doesn't know about me either. I don't know if I had a crush on him, or just the idea of him. I feel like all gay guys must have crushes like that."

"Not me." Kurt shakes his head. “Not at my backwards school. All my friends were girls. The guys I knew left much to be desired," Kurt frowns at the memory. "Greasy football players throwing me into lockers were not exactly my type."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt."

"Jokes on them really because they're working pumping gas at the Lima station and I'm in New York City studying Arts. They've peaked. I haven't even started."

"'Course not." Blaine looks at Kurt and takes a sip of his coffee. "I wasn't that brave in high school."

"Brave for getting beaten up by the football team?"

"I just spent my whole life trying to fit in - dress a certain regular way, play sports, fix cars-"

"I can actually fix cars, by the way. My dad's a mechanic."

"Of course you can," Blaine shakes his head. "I shouldn't be surprised by your zig zag. But I still am." Kurt is the coolest. "I just was so afraid of standing out. You just aren't," Blaine shrugs his shoulders and looks down.

"I just stood out. Wasn't even trying."

Blaine looks up and smiles. "Yeah," The blush rises on his cheeks. "I may have noticed you in our music history class."

Kurt crosses his arms. “I thought you didn’t know I was gay.”

“Well, it only crossed my mind because your clothes were way too cool to just be a hippie and you know, some stereotypes are worth embracing. Have you seen the hippies sitting on the campus green? Not exactly camera ready. I just didn’t want to assume or you know, hope.” He looks down quickly. He probably shouldn't have said that.

"Yeah," Kurt sighs but he smiles. If he feels uncomfortable from Blaine's confession, he doesn't react. "My superior fashion sense gets me every time. I did not notice you," Blaine crosses his arms back but Kurt looks like he's about to burst out laughing so he can't be too insulted. "As in, I mean, like I wouldn’t have known about you except for the dorm rap.”

“Like I said, I guess I try to fit in.”

“That’s what I thought about all those gays at the Homophile League before your rap session - it's why I hadn't even tried. I thought it would be a plea for tolerance because we're all just regular joes and I’ve wanted to get away from regular joes my whole life. I'm just not one.”

“And now that you know us?”

“I don't know about the rest of them, but you, you're not so regular.” Kurt smiles, cheeks flushed and pink and Blaine is sure his cheeks are matching. Blaine isn't sure if Kurt's handsome or gorgeous or what he's supposed to think but he feels butterflies and mildly nauseous sitting with him like this. Whatever it is, Kurt is hot. God, he should not let himself think these thoughts. "You have red shoes after all."

Blaine laughs out loud. "I do. And Kurt," Blaine pauses, "just wait until you see my bowtie collection."

[beachesgetpeaches]

tag mutuals you wanna get to know better!

I was tagged by @withoutaplease who is amazing and so talented! thank you for tagging me I love these types of things I just wasn’t able to do it bcs work is a biiiitchh

favourite time of year: this has to be summer (I very romantically enjoy all seasons but it’s summer)

comfort food: tbh I am trying to think of something that isn’t “my mum’s cakes” but nothing comes up :D (my mum’s pasta??)

favourite dessert: sacher cake (I will write down the recipe for anyone interested but if you don’t know it’s a full bomb chocolate cake with a thin layer of apricot jam between two layers and a chocolate glaze... i’m hungry)

things you collect: postcards from different cities, notebooks (journals), flowers (yknow pressed and well kept)

favourite drink: elderflower syrup 

favourite musical artist: taylor swift, rhcp, beatles, queen, some croatian / ex-yu bands 

last song listened to: romanca - oliver (croatian song, v nice)

last movie watched: I think it was the new Persuasion and yknow what it’s not that bad

last series watched: it’s always sunny in philadelphia

current obsession: still stancy, but also maybe I’m back on my period drama bullshit

dream place to visit: back to Amsterdam, but also would LOVE to visit Australia

place you wanna go back to: ah Amsterdam 

something you want: someone to pay me a really good paycheck for me to just learn and read and write and then they can sometimes talk to me and I guess read what I write. i wish to not work

currently working on: my focus now is on the rory logan fic but you never know when inspiration might strike for something else

Imma tag (but you don’t need to do it): @whereyabeenloca @stancymp3 @hcrogasm @fearlessmaxima @clarkegriffins @wallywestfest

[remmyswritings]

over the years//blaise zabini x reader

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL PUFFS! HERE IS MY FIRST BLAISE ZABINI FIC AND REQUEST!! THANK YOU @peeves-a-legend​ FOR TRUSTING ME WITH THIS I HOPE YOU LIKE IT EVEN THOUGH YOUR HEART WILL MOST LIKELY BE CRUSHED! :) <3

also @summer-writes​ this is the work I decided to use for your writing challenge so I hope you also like it even if it crushed you. the prompt is bolded.

taglist: @curious-curios​, @summer-writes​, @willowbleedsonpaper​, @strawberriesonsummer​, @jenniweaslee​, @cherrycolakxsses​, @peeves-a-legend​, @booksmusicteaandanimals​, @heart-of-tempered-steel​, @firewhisky-kisses​

warning: there is a ton of angst, plus some vulgar language, but no worries it ends with fluffity fluff fluff

*Not my picture, found on Unsplash credit to creator*

You first met Blaise Zabini when he happened to stumble upon you as you sat under the tree near the Black Lake in your first year. Hogwarts and the idea of magic was all new to you and you found yourself becoming rather overwhelmed so you would go to that spot near the lake and listen to music, or read, or write with one of your muggle pens. At some point though it was no longer your spot, instead it became yours and Blaises spot. And that spot saw a lot of things happen over the years.

YEAR 1

“What is that thing you’ve been carrying around with you all day?” Blaise broke the silence between the two of you.

You looked up at him to see him motioning towards the Walkman in your lap, “Oh, this is a Walkman. It’s a muggle invention that helps you listen to music as you walk around.”

“How do you listen to it though?” Blaise peered at the thing inquisitively.

You pulled your headphones off and handed them to Blaise, watching as he slowly reached out and grabbed it only to hold it in his hands wondering what to do, “Here let me help you with that.”

Blaise watched as you shuffled over to him tentatively, still leaving enough space for him to back away. Then you grabbed the headphones and placed them on his head softly.

“There you go,” you whispered, and then looked down at the Walkman to make sure a new song played. You definitely liked how Blaise seemed to smile while he listened- of course you were never going to tell him that.

YEAR 2

You walked over to your spot under the tree only to find Blaise already sitting there. You knew that he saw you before you’d arrived by the tilt in his head and the small smile on his face. 

“Hello Blaise,” you smiled softly and plopped yourself down on the grass next to him.

He nodded towards you, “Hello Y/L/N,” and then returned to the book that he was reading.

By now, knowing that this was his sign that he didn’t want to talk, you pulled out your homework and worked on bits and pieces until you were done. Then you pulled out the famous Walkman that the two of you practically shared and instead of connecting your headphones in, you played it out loud for the two of you to enjoy. 

It seemed as though one song in particular had caught Blaise’s attention as he closed his book and laid it next to him, “What song is that one?”

“Hm,” you opened your eyes and looked towards him, “It’s Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles.”

Blaise nodded his head and as the cassette tape started over again, you saw how his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep. Some time later, it seems as though you had also fallen asleep and when you woke up you found yourself wrapped up comfortably in Blaise’s arm. While you wished to stay there for as long as you could, you knew that Blaise wouldn’t so slowly and softly you removed Blaise’s arm from your waist and packed up your stuff.

As you left you could have sworn you heard a Goodbye be muttered from Blaise’s lips, but you weren’t entirely sure.

YEAR 3

During your third year, you finally had the freedom to go to Hogsmeade and while you found it nice you definitely preferred your spot under the tree. Blaise, on the other hand, didn’t. Sometimes you wondered if it was from that day the two of you had fallen asleep or the fact that you hadn’t been able to write over the summer, but you felt as though Blaise had become rather distant. No matter, you thought to yourself, it’s not like it was officially our spot anyway.

Nonetheless you would still try your hardest to catch him there from time to time. Only to be greeted by his very cold demeanor… most of the time at least, today- it seemed- you were lucky.

“Hello Y/N,” Blaise greeted you softly. It was now spring so the grass was mostly wet and the air rather warm, but it was a climate you enjoyed the most.

You smiled and waved at him, “Nice seeing you around here Blaise.”

“It has been awhile,” he sat down close to you, closer than usual, “I’m sorry about that.”

You looked at him shell shocked, “Did the Blaise Zabini just apologize?”

“I thought Hufflepuffs weren’t supposed to have that type of attitude,” he chuckled.

You bobbed his nose with your finger, “I think that you should have learned by now that we Puffs can have one hell of an attitude.”

“Ya, I guess you can,” he smiled brightly at you as if he knew something that you didn’t. 

YEAR 4

“Someone looks tired,” you heard Blaise’s snarky remark before you saw him.

Not even bothering to say hello, you practically dropped to the ground hoping to find at least some form of comfort, “I am! And I couldn’t even find anything that works.”

Blaise placed the book that he was reading and then turned to you, “What are you talking about?”

“Ugh, only because I know you’ll pester me until I tell you,” you moved your body so that you could sit up and face Blaise, using the tree for support, “A bunch of girls in our year went shopping for their dresses and I decided to join them. Of course, the one dress that I absolutely loved cost way too much since I’d have to get all these alterations done. And since I had found it early on, I figured I’d go find Hermione or Ginny to get a Butterbeer only to be told that if I left the other girls that they would see me as a bitch.”

You hadn’t even realized that you were crying until you felt Blaise’s hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs wiping away the tears. The two of you sat there in tranquility until that happened to be destroyed by the one and only Zacharias Smith.

“Y/N,” you could feel the arrogance radiating off of him, “there you are. I was wondering if you’ve thought of a response to my proposition.”

He clearly ignored Blaise sitting next to you, his arm now wrapped around your waist. 

“I already told you Smith,” frustration dripping from every word, “I’m not gonna go to the Ball with you… so please leave me alone.”

Before either boy could react, you stood up and stomped back to the castle, not before you purposely rammed Smith in the shoulder knowing he would turn around at you only to see a middle finger instead of your face. 

YEAR 5

It seemed as though this year, Blaise and you had both decided to go to your spot the first day back. The arrival of the pink toad- excuse me, Umbit… no Umbridge- felt like the end of the world. And you knew that the end of the world was coming, as you had stayed with the Weasleys the whole summer. When you saw Blaise, you found yourself having a new feeling in your body, as if everything just glowed when he was around. But when he saw you, all he saw was bright, fiery red- who could blame him though, you had promised to write, even to try and visit, but he didn’t get a single letter from you.

“I thought Hufflepuffs were supposed to be loyal,” he scoffed at the sight of you.

You frowned and crossed your arms, “Of course, I’m loyal. I wouldn’t have been your friend all these years if I wasn’t.”

“Really because you told me that you’d write that we’d talk about what happened last year and you didn’t even send me a scrap of paper,” the tenseness in Blaise’s body kept on getting worse and worse as he spoke.

You faltered when you finally saw the pain within his eyes, “I-” you hesitated, “I’m sorry. I wish I could give you a good reason as to why I didn’t write but please just trust me when I tell you that if I could have, I would have.”

“Like that is supposed to help,” he crossed his arms in front of you. “I mean, how can you tell someone you love them right after you kiss them and then not even bother to write.”

Blaise’s voice was starting to strain and you no longer just saw his pain, you heard it too, “I love you too much to lie and give you some bullshit excuse and you and I both know that I can’t tell you the truth.” 

You slowly walked over to Blaise and when you reached him, you held your hands up in surrender, “Can I touch you?” you whispered.

He nodded and your hands came to cup his face and wipe away the tears, much like he had done for you the year prior. Then he was the one to act, he grabbed you by your wrists and instead of pulling you away as you thought, he brought each of your palms to his mouth and kissed them. You couldn’t help but step even closer to Blaise, his arms then dropped only to wrap around your waist. 

The two of you looked at one another and slowly leaned in not even realizing your movements until your noses touched. Blaise leaned in even more so that his forehead touched yours, “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” you whispered. Blaise’s lips meet yours and you felt a whirlwind of emotion the second it did. 

At first you felt his frustration from earlier, but then he relaxed and you felt his love and passion for you. Neither of you wanted to stop yet when you felt your lungs screaming for air you broke away, only to see his lips chase yours.

You chuckled at the action, “Let me catch my breath first.”

Blaise was shocked at how he reacted and wasn’t able to stop the slight blush that grew on his cheeks, “I’d like to be your boyfriend… that is if you want me to be.”

You giggled a bit at the way he asked and then pecked his lips softly, “I’d love it if you were my boyfriend.”

YEAR 6

You wish you could say that the last year with Blaise had been filled with just love and tender moments between the two of you, but after watching Sirius Black get murdered at the Department of Ministries, you knew you could no longer play pretend. You loved Blaise, you loved him in such a way that you had never loved anyone, but you knew the danger that came with being with him, especially because of your blood status. You’d already sent your parents away, obliviating their memories of you before making them believe that they should go to live in the U.S. and then going to stay with the Weasleys. Standing in your spot, you fretted over how to tell him so much that you hadn’t even realized he had arrived. 

“Hello mi principesa,” he wrapped you up in a hug and gave you a loving kiss on your forehead.

His action brought you out of your head, “Oh, hi Blaise.”

“You alright mi principesa?” he backed away slightly so that he could get a good look at you having learned over the years the little traits you showed when you were nervous.

You merely nodded your head not trusting your voice in that moment. Your eyes went down to your hands, which were playing with one another, and then out to the Lake knowing that the second you looked at Blaise everything would break. 

He knew what you were doing and yet he struggled to know why, not a single idea came to mind. Blaise didn’t enjoy seeing you like this, it pained him when you kept everything in. Slowly, so as to not startle you, he grabbed one of your hands and pulled it to his chest, “Please tell me what’s going through that beautiful head of yours.”

“You know,” you started, “the memories I have with you, are the best memories that I have. Not even my memories of getting my letter, being introduced to this world, sharing it with my parents, getting into Hufflepuff… none of those are my best memories. Which is why I need to keep it that way.”

Blaise could tell which way the conversation was going and if only you could know how badly he didn’t want it to continue, but he also knew you needed this so he squeezed your hand as a signal to continue.

“I can’t stay-” your voice started to break, “I can’t stay here, and I can’t stay with you.”

Blaise shook his head, “No. no. no. We’ll figure this out, maybe I can get my mother to help you into hiding.”

The tears that had grown in your eyes started to fall, “Baby, you know I can’t do this. The Order has asked that I watch over some people for them, but I need you to let me go.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Blaise had started crying too, “What if I just want to keep you here with me? I need you mi principesa.”

Hearing those last words only made your tears worse, “Please, Blaise…” you were practically begging at this point, “I need you to let me go, at least until this is all over okay. I’ll come find you right here, and I’ll wait for you in this very spot. I promise”

Blaise didn’t know if it was the fact that you were begging or the fact that you had promised to come back to him, but something in him let you go. He opened his eyes, the tears coming to a slow stop to see you looking just as wrecked in front of him, “Can I at least get one last kiss?”

You practically flung yourself at him after that question. If you had considered your first kiss to be passionate this one was even more so. The two of you poured everything you felt for each other and for the situation in front of you: all the pain, desperation, sadness, hurt, frustration, concern, devotion, adoration. It practically burned you and Blaise, but you didn’t care. You needed to burn just one more time before you drowned in what was to come.

YEAR 7

Standing in front of the Great Hall, your heart broke into a million pieces. So many people died or hurt, and you weren’t sure how to feel. You had spent the whole year running that you didn’t exactly have the time to think, to feel. And now that you did, you weren’t entirely sure how to feel. You should feel happy that you won, happy that you were alive. But how could you feel that when Fred, Remus, and Tonks and so many others all lost their lives in this fight. And Blaise, you didn’t even know if he was here anymore. Hermione had told you about how they had run into him, how he asked about you but ran off when he found out they didn’t know anything. 

Your spot, finally you remembered that if he would be anywhere it would be there. You rushed out of the Great Hall trying your hardest not to run into any person or any of the fallen pillars, not even realizing when Prof. McGonagall and Prof. Sprout gave you a knowing look. The two of them having done what they could to keep Blaise alive. When you finally made it, it was if you were looking at heaven. There he was, the love of your life, and from what you could tell he didn’t have a scratch on him.

“Blaise,” you ran down the hill jumping into his arms not even hesitating. 

He wasn’t sure how to react when he heard your voice, but holding you in his arms he finally knew that everything would be okay, “mi principesa,” he mumbled over and over. 

The two of you stayed in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever, only moving slightly when you pulled his face down to yours so as to kiss him. While your goodbye kiss had been fervent and messy, this one was graceful and slow. You knew you had all the time in the world now, nonetheless you were gonna enjoy the hell out of this kiss. It’s as if you were exploring each other’s bodies for the first time, not being able to keep your hands off one another but in a way that said more I need to make sure you are here with me and less of a I need you to fuck me. When you finally separated, your foreheads stayed connected and at some point you found your hand roaming Blaise’s chest until it found his heart and that’s where it stayed.

“I told you I’d come back,” you whispered, “and… if you’ll have me, I plan on staying.”

“Stay, please. And let me follow you this time, wherever you go.”

“Ok, I will.”

The two of you went silent and merely basked in each other’s embrace, waiting your longest to let go, knowing that that would start the next phase of your lives. Cause in that very moment all you wanted- no needed- was Blaise with you in your spot under that tree. 

--

should I do a separate fic of their wedding or Blaise proposing at their spot?

[everythinghotchniss]

Close your eyes

pairing: Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss

warnings: angst? I tried okay

word count: 2238 words

Basically what if Hotch sees Emily one more time before she leaves for Paris (inspired by a piece I learnt on the piano)

Also this is my first Hotchniss fanfiction & the first fanfiction I have ever posted so... *hesitates before pressing post*

Hotch looked at his watch. He had been sitting in his car parked in front of the run down hotel for nearly two hours.

The sun was about to set now and he went over the many things he wanted to say to her, the conversation they were about to have in his head, never really finding quite the right words to say to her. He ended up deciding it was not about the words that had to be said but to see her, alive. After her funeral he had to make sure for himself that she was still living, breathing, somewhere at least.

Seeing her was the only thing on his mind when he entered the hotel.

He tentatively knocked at the door and could hear rustling behind it, a scrap as someone checked the peep hole and a small gasp. He heard her unlock the door and open it.

His first thought was that she had changed her hair. The bangs she usually wore were clipped away from her face. He quickly discarded that thought, he knew she had been in Bethesda for nearly a month. She looked tired, he decided, wearing a dark jumper that he was sure was at least two sizes too big for her and black leggings.

“Can I come in?” Hotch asked after they stared at each other for a while and she nodded slowly, opening the door for him. He looked around the room when he heard her fasten the multiple locks on the door. She wordlessly poured two glasses of scotch and gestured to the small couch.

“How did you find me?” Emily asked him and his eyes widened at the new rasp in her throat. He hadn’t heard her voice in so long, it started to feel unfamiliar, becoming a foreign melody of something he was sure he would never forget.

“JJ. She told me you were staying here until you leave.” He said quietly and she nodded, downing her drink. She poured herself another one and kept her eyes on the small table in front of her.

“Why are you here?” She asked when she found the silence between them overwhelming. There were too many words that had to be spoken even if she wanted to leave the sentences unsaid.

“I wanted to…I had to see you.” He replied running a hand over his face. “Emily, what happened in Boston…” He trailed off and she closed her eyes at the memory, Ian Doyle’s icy blue eyes once again invading her mind.

“You want to talk about him?” She asked and he sighed.

“I- I really don’t know. Why did you do it?” She nearly laughed at his question.

“Which part of it? Sleeping with an international arms dealer and terrorist or deciding to take him out by myself?”

“Either. Both.” He replied and bit she her lip.

“Why are you really here?” She asked and he looked up, trying to find her eyes at the familiarity of her question. He remembered the last time he heard those words from her, even then she could right through him.

“The last time I saw you, you flatlined in the ambulance. I didn’t want my last memory of you be you dying.” He said quietly and she swallowed.

“But I’m already dead, Hotch. Emily Prentiss died. You attended my funeral.” She stated as if it were a fact. Her voice was sure, unwavering and he did not miss how she spoke of herself in third person.

“JJ mentioned that as well?” He asked her after a moment of silence and she shook her head.

“She didn’t have to. I know how these types of things work. How is everyone?”

“You don’t want an answer to that.” He told her and she smiled sadly. She knew he would evade that question, she still had to try. They were her family after all.

“How’s Jack?”

“Well, he thinks you’re on a secret mission for the government so he can’t talk to you I couldn’t…not with the possibility of you coming back some day and not so soon after Haley died.” He emptied his glass and she refilled it with a small nod. “He actually joined one of those kids soccer teams. I’m coaching.”

“You? A soccer coach?” Her eyes lit up and he nodded.

“Well I try my best. He’s doing great at school, I still read to him every night. He says that you’re better at doing the voices. He misses having ‘his Emmy’ around.” She smiled at that.

“I miss him too. Just promise me he won’t start talking to a candle instead of me, okay? I may be dead but I don’t want to be that dead.” She saw the corners of his mouth twitch at that and she smiled at him.

“I’ll make sure of it. I’ll get him to talk to a picture of you instead.”

“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humour with all of this. How are you, Aaron? And don’t give me that I’m fine bullshit, how are you really?” She asked him and he stiffened at her question.

“I’m…I wish you’d still be around. Since Foyet, you’ve always been a constant in my life, before that even. I never thought I’d have to do this without you.” He confessed and she nodded solemnly.

“Promise me you’ll find someone, yeah? Don’t let me become the reason that you start locking yourself away. I could never forgive myself.” She brushed his hand with hers softly and he interlaced their fingers, brushing his thumb over her short nails.

“Emily…” He began and she shook her head.

“No, Aaron, please. I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. Do this, for me. Say it.” She insisted and he nodded.

“Fine. I promise.” She knew he was lying, the small thing he did with his eyebrow always was a dead giveaway to her, even before they started dating. Emily decided to ignore it, put on a brave smile for his sake and leant closer to him.

“When do you have to go?” She whispered and felt his grip on her hand tighten involuntarily. She swallowed, she already knew whatever he said would be too soon.

“I wish we had longer.” He answered, the small break in his voice

“Me too. Remember the first time we met?”

Aaron had to smile at the memory. The first time he saw her she was 19, wearing a worn out leather jacket over a red skin tight dress, with a cigarette between her lips and a bottle of vodka in her hands. Her mother had ordered him to find her daughter, that she was probably hiding up on the roof again. And he found her.

“I remember. You tried very hard to convince me that The Cranberries are the best band in the world, far superior to The Beatles. And then you told me about how you used to sing in a band to piss of the ambassador and if Yale didn’t work out you would become a rockstar.” He smiled fondly at the memory and heard her laugh next to him at the naivety of her young self.

“I thought I had everything figured out back then. Funny how things change. I’ve always thought that one day I’d settle down and marry, have the 2.5 kids and own a house in the suburbs with a wrap around porch and a white picked fence.” Emily shared and he nodded.

“I know, you told me on that evening. When I observed that even though you act rebellious, all you want to do is fit in you told me that I should think about going into profiling rather than white collar. I guess you knew me better than most people, even back then.” He reminisced and she smiled, she couldn’t remember saying that.

“Pity I can’t remember much more about the evening, I was well into that bottle of vodka before you arrived.” She told him and he had to chuckle at that. He wished he didn’t remember every word she had said as if it were scorched into his mind. Over the years he had lost count of many times he had thought of the dark haired girl since then, quoting Tolstoy in its original Russian, passion lighting her eyes.

“It was a lifetime ago.” He simply replied and she nodded.

He was right. When they first met, he had just proposed to Haley and everything they talked about were wedding venues and cake tastings and honeymoon destinations. He thought he would spend his whole life with Haley, working a 9 to 5, becoming the happy family he had always wished for as a child. She was right, things had definitely changed since then.

“I can hear you thinking.” Emily said quietly, squeezing his hand that was still interlaced with hers.

“It’s not important. I’ve got something for you.” He told her and reached into his suit jacket to hand her a CD. She furrowed her brows to make out the album cover in the darkening room and she had to laugh.

“The Beatles White Album?” She asked him and he nodded.

“It’s my copy. If you ever want to think of me, chances are I’ll probably be listening to The Cranberries, thinking of you. I know how much you love the song Blackbird and the CD is small enough to take with you. I’m sure you can’t take many other personal possessions.” The truth was that Aaron was sure he didn’t even have to listen to her music to remember her. He would think of her every time he walked into the bullpen, just looking at the now empty desk. He thought of her every time he could make out the stars in the night sky, remembering how patiently she had explained some constellations and the stories behind them to Jack one evening. He thought of her only yesterday morning when he buttoned up the light blue shirt she once said suited him the best and then again only moments later when he chose the red tie to go with it.

“I can’t take this.” Emily voiced the first thought that came into her mind and he shook his head.

“Yes you can. Return it when you get back.” Hope laced through the words he just uttered, a hope that she would return before he even started to miss her. She understood what he did and again decided to let him.

“You know Em, I never got to tell how much I-“ She broke him off before he even got to finish the sentence.

“Don’t. I already know. Me too.” Emily would tell him when she got back, she thought. The three cursed words that had danced around in her mind, taunting her, these last couple of months. They were a painful reminder of the many times she whispered them to Ian, no Doyle, during her time undercover. She would tell Aaron someday. But not today.

When the sun had completely set, darkness had engulfed them both and she knew that he would have to leave soon. She pushed the thought away, leaning in closer to him, trying to remember everything she could. The way his hand felt in hers, the way she could pick out his cologne from a whole crowd. The patterns her always traced on the back of her hand, mirroring the small movement he made with his hand when he was deep in thought. She rested her head onto his shoulder and she made herself remember how well they always seemed to fit.

“I don’t want my last memory of you be you leaving.” Emily whispered into the terminating darkness hotel room.

“Close your eyes.” Aaron said quietly and she did.

She focused on the way his lips brushed hers softly, how his hand tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand rested for a moment too long on her jaw, taking his time to brush the tear that had fallen from eye away with his thumb. She took a deep breath when his hand left her face but decided to keep her eyes closed. He was glad she did. He never wanted her last memory of him to be him crying for her.

She decided not to hear the creak of the floorboards under his feet. She all but ignored the small gust of wind she felt on her skin as the door was opened and closed. The intensity of his cologne that had surrounded her mere seconds ago was now beginning to fade away and her eyes fluttered open.

Just like that he was gone.

And Emily Prentiss did what she always did: seal the small box in her mind labelled Aaron Hotchner.

__________________

It was silly, she thought the next day as she boarded the plane, she always thought that the next time she would fly to Paris, she would do so to show the city to him.

“Paris is a place in which we can forget ourselves, reinvent, expunge the dead weight of our past.” - Michael Simkins

[the-fiction-witch]

IVY P6 Cosy

TV SHOW THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY X READER RATING: SWEET AF!

I had grown rather used to having my little audience. Y/n came over almost everyday for at least an hour just to sit and watch me play chess making all her little notes and working on ivy as she slowly brought her equipment over every time she visited so I know had half a computer in my living room. But today honestly I wasn't expecting her there was a horrible storm over new york.

The subway has been down for days, no taxis working, barely a car could get thought, my poor little beatle is burried under the snow, my apartment as cold as ice as the heating was now working but not working all that well, at least I had hot water now, the windows blocked completely by snow and where one slightly leaks it has frozen shut with icicles on the inside as the water leaking in had frozen on the way in, I could hear the wind rushing through, the news reports I was getting on my tiny tv weren't good so I turned it off trying not to think about the cold.

I had two pairs of socks on, fluffy socks. My jeans on with a blanket over my legs, my black t shirt, then my black turtleneck shirt, then my green button down then my jacket and I still had to wrap a blanket around my shoulders to stop me shivering. I jumped as I heard the phone I begrudgingly got up from my chair and went to answer it trying not to loose a blanket on the way I picked it up trying not to shiver in my voice

"Hello?"

"Hi Benny" I heard her familiar voice but she had called me before from her dorm but it sounded different

"Hey y/n, what's up?"

"Quick question do you have heating?"

"Well yes. It's not very good but yes. Why?"

"Uhhh could you maybe put it on full. And also put the kettle on"

".... Ohh my god you crazy girl are you actually coming?'

"Yes"

"I thought we'd work from your from today on the phones and all"

"I was going too but most everyone else has gone home for the holidays and the dorms are so so cold."

"Where are you?"

"Uhh the payphone about a block down the street from yours"

"You're walking! Y/n you must be frozen half to death get off the phone get here as quick as you can I'll get the kettle on" I told her quickly hanging up I didn't want her on the phone any longer then she had to be I got up going to the kitchen to put the kettle on hell I'll have a hot drink as I'n turning it on and soon enough I heard fast shaking little taps, I rushed over and quickly pulled the door open having to fight against the ice around it but I got it open and she stood there on my doorstep covered in an inch of snow shivering in her usual purple coat "oohh get in here you silly girl you'll freeze" I laughed quickly letting her in and shutting the door behind us to keep the cold out

"Benny I can't feel my toes"

"I imagine you can't. Those boots don't look like snow boots?"

"There not I didn't have snow boots so I just put my thermal boots and some extra socks"

"Here let me get your coat off" I smiled helping her with her coat knocking all the snow off her revealing how cute she looked she had a little purple hat under her hood, and a long purple scarf wrapped around her about four times and had a long knee length knitted purple dress with pockets, she had little black mittens and what looked like four or five layers of thermal tights and these little boots I helped her get her boots off as somehow she had gotten snow inside her boots and she had three pairs of socks on top of her tights she slipped her mittens off and her scarf sitting them with her coat

"May I steal a blanket?" She asks noticing I had two

"You may" I laughed giving her one of my blankets

"You wanna mini hot water bottle?" She smiled pulling a pocket sized hot water bottle out of her pocket I took it curiously and it was hot I held it close feeling how warm it was

"Uuummm I will sell you my car for this tiny hand sized hot water bottle"

"It's okay Benny you can borrow it while I'm borrowing your blanket" she smiled we went over to the sofa having a sit together trying not to be too far apart as we where both warm, I feched her a tea and a I had my usual coffee "clink" she giggled tapping my mug with her own

"Clink" I laughed "fuck it's cold. Sorry I made you walk all this way"

"It's okay I wanted to come"

"I'm really not in the mood for chess today. Which sounds nuts but I'm just way too cold. Sorry for making you walk all this way for nothing"

"Not nothing, I got to see you" she smiled "and steal your blanket"

"I guess so. Guess it's kinda nice to have someone to wait out the storm with"

"Yeah someone to wait the storm out with" she smiled "why don't you get the duvet?"

"The duvet!" I jumped dashing to my bedroom and getting my duvet we both readjusted our blankets and then I threw the duvet over us both I smiled looking at her wrapped up so well against the sofa with the blanket around her shoulders and my duvet tucked up to her sipping the tea that she held so close "I like your scarf. And your little hat"

"Aww thank you" she blushed "I knitted them myself"

"You did? that's impressive. Can you make me a scarf?"

"Yeah, actually. I did bring my stuff with me" she laughed grabbing her bag getting some large needles "I have… black and white wool?"

"Can you make me a chess scarf?"

"Uhhh I don't see why not" she smiled sitting her tea on the side

"I'm going to get a book, want anything as I'm leaving the warm corner?"

"No thanks benny, Im cosy" she smiled

"Alright" I smiled back giving her temple a little kiss before leaving the duvet I already hated it I'm so cold out here, I grabbed a book or three before I remembered I jumped in my wardrobe and I saw it "ohh my god! I forgot about you!"

"About what?" Y/n giggled

"My long hot water bottle" I laughed showing her the thing i bought it years ago before going to Moscow on the assumption moscow would be cold and I ended up leaving it here it took a while to fill up as it was almost a meter long but I did it up and put the fluffy cover over it and came back beside her getting under the duvet and in the blankets laying the bottle across both our laps between the duvet and us I smiled as I sat getting cosy watching her slowly knit

"Why was your dorm so cold?' I asked her

"Most of them have gone home for the holidays, cheap place only keeps the heat on if more then two people are there and it was just me" she says "I tried to get on the bus to come see you but I had to walk"

"Why didn't you go home? For the holidays?"

"Not really much if a home to go to?"

"What do you mean?"

"My mother died in childbirth. My dad looked after me alone for most of my life. He passed away a few years ago now." She explained

"Ohh y/n. I'm so sorry, his did he die?"

She smiled slightly "he was working at nasa. In the space race and all, he was an engineer so they sent him onna test flight but… they never came back" she explained

"Must have been an amazingly smart man. I see where you get it from"

"Thank you, what about you? Why aren't you flying off somewhere to see your family?"

"Don't really have a family. Never really did. My dad died before I was even born, my mum like yours died in childbirth so my uncle took care of me he was a single guy no kids or anything but he had a heart attack when I was ten, been on my own since"

"I'm so sorry Benny"

"Its okay. Life goes on you know. Of course I miss them but… me sitting here bawling isn't gonna bring them back, lifes going to go on weather I sit here crying or weather I get on with it. So I better just get on with it"

"Yeah I see what you mean" she says "how about we play a game" she smiled

"Sure" I laughed

"Truth or dare"

"Damn it okay truth"

"Do you really love chess?'

"Not as much as I did once. I do really love chess but there is bullshit too it, the traveling sucks, there's alot of snobbery around it, I think I adored it once but… I still love it just not as much as I did" I explain "truth or dare?"

"Truth"

"... Do you really think ivy will work?'

"I'm sure of it. I know it. More then anything else in this world" she smiled "your turn"

"Okay truth again"

"What's the last thing you cried at?"

"Cried? Uhhh ohh god ugh lord of the rings"

"What?'

'the ending makes me cry okay"

"Awww that's so sweet. Yeah I cried when I read it too"

"I think everyone does. If you don't cry your kinda a dick" I laughed "your turn"

"Uhhh dare"

"Oooohhh uuuuuuughhh…. I dare you to," I began before I spotted an empty note pad so I grabbed the page and crumpled it up "eat a page"

"Why?"

"Because I dared you"

"Fine" she sighed taking it ripping it up small and slowly swallowing it "oww. That was mean"

"To be fair I really didn't have a dare set. Uuhh and I pick truth"

"You have to pick dare at some point Benny"

'ill pick dare next turn"

"Fine." She smiled "... Did you love beth?"

"What? How do you know about me and beth?"

"It's not a secret. I read about it in chess review"

"No. Honestly I don't know how I feel about beth. I don't think I love her. She's ignoring me at the moment anyway, I don't know. No. I think. I care about her but I get the feeling she doesn't care about me all that much"

"You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't care about you benny. Your better then that your worth so much more then that. You deserve a girl who adores you."

"Aww thanks y/n" I smiled "your turn"

".. truth"

"Do you…. Have a crush on someone?"

"What is this Benny a girl's sleepover?'

'come on I'm curious?"

"No"

"No you don't or no you don't wanna answer the question?"

"The second one"

"If you don't wanna answer it means you do"

"I never said that"

"Who is he? Some boy in your science class? Some cute boy who lives in your dorm?"

"No" she giggled "your turn"

"No you never answered my question"

"I do but I'm not telling you"

"Why not?" I laughed but I saw how red she was "y/n… do you"

"It's not your turn to ask questions Benny" she says hurrying her head in her knitting

"Fine. Dare"

"I dare you. To… not ask anymore questions"

"Why not?"

"That's a question"

"No, that's not how the game works. A proper dare"

"Fine I dare you go up there an stick your dick in the snow"

"Ahhhhh nooooo I don't wanna do that"

"I didn't wanna eat paper"

"NOOOO"

"Go or no questions"

"Fine" I sighed getting up already too cold without the duvet around me maybe I can just go up and climb I did it but she put her knitting down and got up too wrapping her scarf around her and getting her gloves and hat on as well as her coat keeping her hood down this time as she slipped on her boots I put some shoes on and begrudgingly unlocked my door the snow was now building up badly down my stairs so much it was up to my knees each time I took a step y/n using my holes in the snow to walk through till we got to the street it really was a blizzard I could barely see anything, my car burried the lights not even working on that streets

"Go on" she says

"No looking" I warn her undoing my jeans she looked away already turning red my whole brain screaming at me every self preservation element in my brain going nuts why am I getting my dick out in a Blizzard! I did it and by God I had never been colder in my life I of course screamed making her giggle like crazy I quickly did my jeans up in an attempted to get warm again shw tried to run inside from the cold but I grabbed her "ohh no you don't if I had to go in the snow your going in too!" I told her pushing her in the snow

"Ahhhhh!! Benny" she squealed "this. Means. War" she glared grabbing some snow and throwing it at me luckily she missed

"Ha you-" I began but she got another and got me right in the face before I even finished "fine. You wanna play this game. Fine let's play"

"No no no! You can't hit a girl Benny" she giggled

"Ohh no you threw first that rule Is irrelevant" I told her grabbing some snow and throwing it at her and it managed to get her just as she was getting up right on the butt

"AAAHHH! Benny! That went up my dress!" She screamed before she ran at me with a handful of snow and shoved it down the back of my jeans

"Ahhhhh! Y/n!" I complained grabbing as much as I could and filling her hood with it throwing it over her

"Ahhhhh!" She screamed pushing me into the snow so I pulled her down with me and we ended up with her on top of me on the snow "hi"

"Hi, you wanna go back in before we freeze to death?"

"Yes please" she nods happily getting up and helping me up out the snow too we hurried down and locked the apartment up hangout stuff by the door and getting cosy back on the sofa trying to warm up again

"So… I did my dare."

"Yep"

"So, it's your turn"

"Truth" she rolled her eyes as she began to knit again

"Do you have a crush…. On me?"

"Maybe"

"Maybe?"

"Maybe" she blushed

"No come on yes or no answer?"

"Yes" she blushed "I just… I saw you in the tournament a few years back and I just, I kinda did and when we met I couldn't help it"

"That's really sweet" I smiled giving her head a kiss "uhh y/n"

"Yes Benny?"

"The snows got no sign of stopping and I really don't want you walking back to your freezing cold dorm"

"What are you saying?'

"I'm saying. I think you should stay here tonight. Are how the snow looks in the morning."

"Where will I sleep?"

" I'll make the airbed up for you if you want, or… you can come cosy in my bed with me so we keep warm"

"I'd like that Benny" she smiled shuffling closer and resting her head in my chest I smiled wrapping an arm around her

"Y/n?"

"Yes Benny?"

"... I kinda had a crush on you too"

[zechleton]

Ranting and Raving About Magic in 2022

I haven’t written about Magic in ages, so what better way could there be to get back into the habit that a stream of consciousness spiel about the 2022 announcement?

Strap in, folks, because this is going to be long and poorly edited.

Actually, it’s not that long, about 1500 words. It might feel longer, though.

Neo-Tokyo or something idk

As one of the five people on r/magictcg that didn’t want to return to Kamigawa in standard set, I have to admit this one looks surprisingly awesome. The couple of pieces of art Wizard shared looked fantastic, as usual, and I’m a sucker for that blue/pink colour scheme. I’m not a huge fan of time travel as a story telling device but since the Magic story has always served the card game, using tropes I don’t enjoy is far from a deal-breaker. Yeah – I’m cautiously optimistic about this one.

Someone Made Elspeth an Offer she Couldn’t Refuse

Obviously, we know much less about this set. Still, it sounds right up my alley. I’m curious how Wizards is going to make Magic meets The Godfather work, but the good kind of curious. On top of that, I’d really like to have some more shard-based commanders on Arena for Brawl, and I assume we’re the “three-colour demon crime families” isn’t referring to clans (triome?) again after leaving Ikoria behind. Also, come on, how can you not love the sound of demon crime families?

Glory, Glory, Dom United!

There is a part of me that gets nervous about nebulous concepts like design space whenever we go back to an old plane again. All these crossovers (more on those later) take on a different appearance when viewed through an “are they running out of ideas” lens. Still, Dominaria was fantastic, by far the best “return to” set – though I’m hoping Innistrad claims that throne in a few weeks. With that in mind, I’m expecting Wizards to knock it out of the park with DU, just like they did with Dominaria.

The Nostalgia Wars

I might scoff somewhat at Magic’s storyline sometimes, but I’ve read the stuff that people think is good. I own both collections of the Artifacts Cycle. They all pale in comparison to good fantasy, but they’re not bad, and they hold a special place in my heart from when I was more invested in stuff like lore and story. The point of that ramble? 2022, more than ever, is Wizards’ mining the seemingly neverending mineral that is nerd nostalgia. It further adds to my “are they running out of ideas” worry, but I can’t say the nostalgia hit/psychological manipulation isn’t working on me. Hell, Return to Return to Innistrad has me more excited than any set for a couple of years now so I guess I’m part of the problem.

Uncaring

The phrase “not for you” is thrown around distrubingly often in Magic circles nowadays. Unfinity, however, is decidedly not for me. And that’s fine.

Dungeons And Dragons Battle for Baldur’s Gate Commander Legends I Think That’s The Whole Title But Maybe I Missed a bit I’m not Sure

Yikes, what a mouthful. I hate the title, both its length and unwieldiness. I don’t really have much interest in the set either. Commander Legends was a neat idea with a lot of flaws. Adding crossover flavour from another IP I have little-to-no interest in isn’t helping matters, though I appreciate that Adventures in the Forgotten Realms was super popular. For me, AFR was pretty much just a core set without any of the usual references to sets I do know and care about. Another “not for me” release.

Double Trouble

Hmm. I’m torn here. As a primarily limited-focused player, Masters sets have been some of my favourites ever. Original Modern Masters is still one of my in my top five sets of all time, and I have fond memories of almost all of the others, too.

Original Double Masters, though, was a victim of apathy brought on by the never-ending deluge of Magic product being released nowadays. I have never even seen a booster of this product, much less opened one. Without looking it up, I can’t even tell you if it was hurt by the pandemic or not, because there’s just way too much fucking stuff nowadays. I don’t know what else to say.

Oh, hang on. Was this the set with a $100 VIP Booster? Hahaha, fuck off.

Jump Around

The original Jumpstart was surprisingly enjoyable on Arena. I never wanted to play it more than a few times, and sometimes you got packs that relied entirely on your opponent getting mana screwed, but those few times I played it were pretty fun. I think putting stuff like obvious eternal format staples like Alosaurus Shepherd in a set like this is some extremely anti-consumer bullshit, but as a play experience it was an interesting mesh of draft and sealed. Not as much fun as either of those, but close enough that the novelty carried it into the “pretty fun, actually” camp. I expect more of the same – I’ll probably do a few runs if I have gems or gold spare.

Universes Beyond: Warhammer 40K Commander et al

Really, this is the bit about all the crossover stuff.

Another vomit inducing title and one that has left me with some introspection to do. Like many people, I find a lot of this crossover stuff distasteful, but I can’t really say why. The fact that the Street Fighter one – an IP I have some amount of investment in – seems less egregious than Warhammer of D&D makes me think that I don’t necessarily object to crossovers on principal. Does my dislike come from the fact that, so far, all of the other crossovers don’t involve properties I care about? Maybe. Even the mechanically unique line of text that pissed off so many people when the Walking Dead set came out doesn’t bother me that much, because Commander is a format I can take or leave.

The Fortnite one rubs me a different wrong way, though. Partly, it’s the sheer fucking inevitability of it all. Of course a popular part of the nerd sphere will have a crossover with Fortnite because that’s just the world in which we live. Partly it makes me feel old, uncool, and excluded, like all the other crossovers I don’t care about, sure. But there’s something more visceral about Fortnite. It’s fucking everywhere and I resent feeling like I have to have an opinion about it. Still, I don’t really have strong opinions about most of the other crossovers, so why this one? I really don’t know. Maybe this is one “this isn’t for you” too many from a game that has been part of my life for over 20 years.

I haven’t bought a single Secret Lair, but I’m generally willing to accept that they’re a bonus product that isn’t needed by anyone but is wanted by some. Hell, if they put out Secret Lair: Snapcaster Mage with good art (at last), I could probably te tempted into picking one up. It would be against my better judgement, though. Something about all these “not necessary but also don’t miss out, aren’t they cool, spend more money please” products rubs me the wrong way. Playing Magic and hating capitalism are difficult interests to reconcile. That’s it. That’s the tagline for this article.

Oh, right, it’s just a blog. Never mind.

Oh, God. The Fornite Secret Lair is going to be the Snapcaster Mage one, isn’t it?

Then there’s Lord of The Rings. My pal Kristen will be thrilled about this, was my first thought. I’m less enthusiastic (shocker, right?), but at least LOTR makes sense as a thing to crossover with. I mean, apart from the obvious business sense. It doesn’t have any guns and it isn’t an obnoxiously ubiquitous battle royale FPS, so that already puts it ahead of two of the other three crossovers. Indeed, without LOTR, you can make a reasonable case that MTG would never exist in the first place. Personally, I view LOTR in the same way I view The Beatles – they were important, and worthy of respect, but have been surpassed in every way since.

And the movies are better than the books. There I said it.

Regardless, this one is fine, actually. I still don’t particularly care for crossovers in general, especially as the setting for a standard set, but at least it makes sense this time.

Shut up Already

Alright, I hear you. I know a lot of that was negative towards the end, but I want to reiterate that a lot of the stuff happening in standard sets next year is really exciting, if a little unoriginal. The crossover/sellout stuff and the interminable deluge of FOMO-driven products is worrying and disappointing, but I guess we just have to try and ignore the ever-increasing number of “not for you” products and focus on the stuff we do like. Seriously, Neon Destiny looks amazing, and I don’t even like anime.

[monkberries]

OKAY.

According to Northern Songs: The True Story of the Beatles Song Publishing Empire: In 1963, Northern Songs was established. John and Paul each got about 20% of the company’s shares. Northern Songs went public in Feb. 1965, with 5 million shares. 1.25 million (25%) of those were for the public; the rest was split between Dick James and Charles Silver (James’s accountant) with 937,000 (18.74%) each, John and Paul with 750,000 (15%) each, NEMS with 375,000 (7.5%), and George and Ringo with 40,000 (.8%) each.

Through some very complicated bullshit, Dick James decided to sell Northern Songs to a company called ATV. The Beatles/Klein, in April, made a counter-offer: they wanted to buy 1 million shares back, which would give them control of the company instead of ATV. Paul was apparently advised by the Eastmans not to put up his shares for it, and when the shares were tallied, Paul had 751,000 and John had (according to rockmine.com and the Northern Songs book respectively) either 650,000 or 644,000. I’m going to go with the figure of 650,000, since that’s what RAVE magazine has as well. Doggett says the remaining 100,000 was with Julian/Cyn; my guess is that it was in trust for Julian by 1966 and that’s why RAVE quotes John’s shares as 650,000 that year. Although I cannot find an original source for that information, it makes sense.

(As a sidenote, I have seen some people criticize Doggett for saying that John gave Julian 2% of his shares when he really gave Julian 13%; however, on some blog I can’t remember where, someone did the math and 100,000 shares is 2% of the total 5 million Northern Songs shares. So it just wasn’t well worded. Doggett wasn’t wrong; he was talking about Julian’s percentage of total NS shares, not his percentage of John’s.)

So, in an off-the-record conversation with Hunter Davies in 1981 (more trustworthy than an interview because it was not meant for public consumption), Paul says this: “I was thinking of something to invest in, and Peter Brown said what about Northern Songs, invest in yourself, so I bought a few shares, 1000 I think. John went mad, suspecting some plot... He was always thinking I was cunning and devious.” This corresponds quite closely to what Peter Brown independently claims happened in that April meeting; factually, anyway. Emotionally it’s polar opposites. Brown’s insinuation is that Paul knew what he was doing, making the move look (however small it was) sneaky and underhanded. And Brown does not mention that John’s smaller amount was because of Julian’s trust fund, so that makes it look even sneakier. Paul’s contention is that it was only a few shares (which is true) and that he wasn’t being devious.

So, even though factually the 1000 shares is not in dispute - that definitely happened - on the emotional point, it depends on who you believe, Peter Brown or Paul. I tend to believe Paul. Peter Brown was, unfortunately, kind of a muckraker and implied that the discrepancy was far larger than it actually was. Paul told the truth, backed up by the numbers. So, IMO it wasn’t sneaky, but was it smart? Honestly, it kind of seems like a dumb lose-lose move for Paul, in retrospect. The shares didn’t boost his negotiating power at all (which it doesn’t seem like he was going for anyway), they weren’t worth that much, and he pissed off his friend. However, it probably seemed reasonable to him at the time, and I understand why he didn’t tell John about it, too. John would not have been particularly interested, in my opinion, and their relationship was strained then anyway.

(This is where it gets into personal theory territory.) On the other hand, I totally understand why it looked sneaky and underhanded from John’s very naive point of view. It’s likely that all he could see at that April meeting was raw numbers. 650,000 is less than 751,000. A lot less. John almost certainly did not know or remember that he’d had that amount since at least 66, because of Julian’s trust fund. Therefore, when Paul confirmed that he had been buying a few extra shares on the side, to John it probably looked like Paul was way underselling it to make himself look better. They were likely talking about different figures. John thought Paul had bought 101,000 extra shares, but Paul had only bought 1000. And I have no doubt Allen Klein understood exactly where those 100,000 Julian shares were and conveniently did not bother to explain the situation to John. It explains John’s outrage and Paul not understanding why he was so outraged. From Paul’s POV, it’s a miniscule number. From John’s, it looks like way more.

So, in conclusion, it looks like Doggett was wrong about the Eastmans advising Paul to buy more shares to increase his negotiating power. (He was not wrong, however, about the 2% shares number.)

[anotherkindofmindpod]

this isn’t related to a specific episode but I’m confused about the beginning of John & Yoko’s relationship. I’ve heard so many different things about when/how it started- from she was stalking him to meeting at a gallery to Paul’s manuscripts (or pictures of Paul’s butt?!) to they were sleeping together two weeks after meeting- also varying dates on the 2 Virgins night (before or after NYC?) And was he really pining after her in India? Did he try to bring her? I trust you guys- what’s the deal?

Hello listener, thanks for the ask!

Regarding John & Yoko’s origins:  some stories are inconsistent, and some things are unknowable (i.e. internal emotions), but we’ll do our best to lay out what we do know.

Yoko approached Paul first, through a contact (probably Dunbar) related to Indica Bookshop and Gallery.  Since Paul was a patron, supporter and friend of Indica and was somewhat known within the art community as a rich celebrity with a growing interest in the avant-garde (music, films and art) he was an obvious choice for an artist seeking funding/exposure.  Yoko was an avant-garde artist (performance, gallery and film) whose biggest claim to fame at that point was working with John Cage.  This was the credential/name drop with which she approached Paul at his house in Cavendish sometime in late 1965.  Paul (being Paul) invited her inside to make her pitch: she was collecting manuscripts from various composers as a birthday gift to Cage.  Paul declined.  (For the record, Paul has never suggested or intimated that Yoko came onto him at that first meeting, so let’s assume she didn’t and this was strictly business)  The following year, in November of 1966, Indica hosted an exhibition of Yoko’s work.  This is where John Lennon first met Yoko, when he was introduced to her by Indica co-owner John Dunbar.

This was Yoko’s initiation into the Beatles’ world and it should ALWAYS be told like this, FULL STOP, END OF STORY.  Anyone in 2020 who tells the story any other way is a bald-faced liar and a coward.

Does this sound like an overreaction?  Is Paul’s part in this story really SUCH a big deal?  Let’s reverse things and imagine….

In 1965, John Lennon develops a keen interest in photography.  He immerses himself in the photography world, creates a dark room in his house and brings his photo influences into the Beatles’ artwork. John also finances and helps launch a photography gallery in Weybridge. 

One day, photographer Linda Eastman shows up at Kenwood to show John her portfolio and ask for one of John’s original photographs.  John declines.  Paul later meets Linda at her exhibition at Weybridge Gallery. 18 months  later, Paul starts dating her, calls her his new partner, declares her the greatest influence in his life, and brings her to every Beatles session.  Paul and Linda have a joint photography exhibit at the Weybridge Gallery in 1968, hosted by one of John’s closest friends and mentors.  

Paul then loudly and repeatedly proclaims that he was the only Beatle ever interested in photography, he’s responsible for all the visual art in the Beatles oeuvre and implies that John couldn’t stimulate him anymore because he was too square and conservative to understand or appreciate photography.  

Be honest and try to imagine that.  No one would EVER let Paul and Linda get away with that level of bullshit, but for some reason, Jean Jackets are slavishly obedient to whatever John and Yoko say, regardless of facts.  

So anyway, back to those facts...

After the meeting in November 1966, Yoko began to pursue John Lennon at his home, the studio and even Brian’s office.  She constantly asked for funding and money, but was probably seeking publicity as well.  There are rumors that she was also pursuing John sexually, but to our best knowledge they are unsubstantiated.  In 1967, Yoko was REALLY trying hard to get her career off the ground and/or get famous; there are numerous accounts from multiple people in the Beatles circle (Hunter Davies, Michael Lindsay Hogg, Robert Fraser, Barry Miles) that Yoko was hustling nonstop at that time.  So while Lennon was her main target, our impression is that she was probably just trying to make inroads with anyone who could help her become famous.  Accounts consistently suggest that John intermittently found her intriguing (when he didn’t find her scary or annoying), so I imagine she kept soliciting him because that’s where she made the most progress.  Anyway, her stalking is a matter of fact, corroborated by EVERYONE.  Also corroborated by everyone is the fact that John began to sometimes talk to her and occasionally let her inside (the same way the Beatles treated other Apple Scruffs), starting in/around late 1967.  

Tony Bramwell tells a very bizarre story about John being panicked one day in late ‘67, regretful and paranoid after giving Yoko a hand-written letter and a lock of his hair (?).  A frightened John asked Tony to retrieve the items from Yoko.  Considering the fact that John believed (until his death) that Yoko had magical powers, it sounds as if John asked her to make some sort of voodoo/love potion.  Perhaps their early friendship began as sorceress/client (but who knows? That’s just a guess).

We know that John continued to receive tons of mail from Yoko while he was on retreat in India.  According to John, he eventually began to really look forward to receiving these items.  Yoko would send bizarre, artsy stuff like a maxipad with a drop of red paint in the middle.  Who wouldn’t enjoy weird mail like that?  :)   According to John (in both 1970 AND 1980), he still only thought of Yoko as a weird artist by that point.  He insists he was NOT interested in her sexually or romantically, only intellectually, and there is nothing to suggest that he was lying about that.  More importantly, John was having some kind of emotional breakdown in India; he wrote and talked about feeling suicidal in Maharishi's camp.  John never specified the exact cause of his breakdown, although he did later pinpoint ongoing feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness.  

After returning from India, John was highly emotional, erratic, depressed, and abusing drugs and alcohol at an alarming rate.  Derek Taylor recounts John taking some acid trips at his house over two weekends.  During one of these weekends, John’s now-friend Yoko (who he still insists he wasn’t sexually interested in) showed up and helped “rebuild John’s ego.”  In other words, Yoko threw John a life raft and helped pull him out of the darkest, bleakest depression of his life.  

Then in May, after months of erratic behavior, John declared he was Jesus in an Apple board meeting (!).  The following night, with Cynthia away for the weekend, John invited Yoko over (or had Mal invite her) and the two of them dropped acid, made some tapes and had sex for the first time.   As far as we can tell, this information is accurate as it is corroborated by Pete Shotten (who was making the tapes with John before Yoko came over and replaced him!).  Pete said in the morning John came downstairs and shocked Pete by saying Yoko was the answer to all his problems and he was so certain he’d go off and live in a tent with her.  That sounds shocking until you realize John was on acid at the time (in that light, not quite as shocking).  :)  In any event, after that point John and Yoko became basically inseparable for the next 5 years.

There are rumors/theories that John and Yoko were already having sex for months, but so as far as we can tell these are based on nothing but speculation.  We believe John’s initial interest in Yoko was intellectual and personal rather than sexual, as he contends.  We think John slowly warmed to Yoko over that 18 month period; while initially he might’ve found her annoying, frightening and disturbing, eventually he began to find her quirky, intriguing and charming.  We believe their relationship was founded in friendship and that Yoko’s emotional support (and her professed admiration for him as an artist) during that acid trip at Derek’s was vitally important to their bond.

Now, here’s where things get murky. 

John was also later quoted as saying that in retrospect he realized he was unconsciously falling in love with her from afar whilst in India - which may or may not have been the case.  It is certainly common to look back with fondness on one’s own courtship and also possible to fall in love before you realize you are in love (John described experiencing something similar in 1964) so debating this is kinda pointless and we choose not to nitpick this particular point.  However, people have since used this to extrapolate that John was, as you put it, “pining for Yoko in India” which is simply not what John described.  John described gradually looking forward to her wacky mail and developing a strictly platonic curiosity about her.  If you are highly invested in the John & Yoko love story, it’s easy to spin this into secret “pining,” but when you consider that John was, as he put it, suicidal and going insane, it doesn’t quite make sense.  What makes even less sense is why John wouldn’t immediately ask Yoko out upon returning to London in early April, especially since she was aggressively pursuing him at that point.  Yoko was present for at least one of the Derek Taylor acid trips in May.  Why did John wait an entire month to initiate a private moment with her?  

John also said (in Lennon Remembers, I believe) that he privately considered “bringing” Yoko to India (though not as a love interest, but rather in her contemporaneous role as amusing curiosity, i.e. Magic Alex 2.0).  Once again, this may or may not be true, but we have no reason to doubt him.  Nevertheless, this has also been spun fannishly into “John was pining for Yoko as a girlfriend” which (again) isn’t what he said.  :)

To be perfectly candid,  John & Yoko’s public persona is almost entirely artificially crafted.  THIS is corroborated (and detailed) by nearly everyone close to them- May Pang, Ray Connolly, the Dakota staff, etc.  That doesn’t mean their love was fake, just that their relationship was much different from how they portrayed/sold it (or how fanboys like Lewisohn portray it).  At the end of the day, they are just celebrities who we don’t actually know.   We want things to make sense, which is why I think the “John was secretly pining for Yoko for years and his mind was obliterated by love” appeals to some people.  It’s a cleaner, more familiar boy-meets-girl story.  

Rumors and conspiracy theories are plentiful and can lead you down all kinds of rabbit holes (fun or infuriating, depending on your POV).  The “John & Yoko were secret lovers” one makes things a bit sleazier and sexier (I believe Albert Goldman really leaned into this one!).  But if you really want to consider everything, you should also consider this: Yoko’s Tarot card reader John Green insists that Yoko claims Paul was the one she wanted all along.

She told him:  Paul was her first choice (as boyfriend), which is why she approached him first.  She moved on to John only to make Paul jealous (!), which ultimately backfired when Paul then refused to make advances on John’s new girlfriend.  According to Yoko, Paul’s sense of propriety (?!) ironically prevented him from being with Yoko (even though Yoko KNEW Paul was always in love with her)!  So Yoko inadvertently got stuck with John, who she didn’t really want. Also she was convinced, in the late 70s that Paul was still in love with her and only married Linda because he was devastated he couldn’t have Yoko!

Green swears this is what Yoko told him (for the record, she also thought Mick Jagger was in love with her).  Do we believe Yoko said it, that she believed it? Who knows, maybe?!?  Green’s credibility is certainly questionable. But it’s no crazier than much of the nonsense in Goldman’s book (or Francie Schwartz’s), and Green is alleging to quote Yoko directly.  Parts of this account do ring oddly true; Yoko does seems interested in Paul in the contemporaneous audio/footage from the late 60s.  John did ask Paul not to sleep with Yoko (which Paul seemed a bit nonplussed by).  John and Yoko are bizarrely convinced in the early 70s that Paul and Linda’s marriage is doomed (is it because Yoko convinced John that Paul is actually in love with her???).  Many believe Yoko was jealous of John’s affection for Paul; could Yoko also be jealous of Paul’s affection and respect for John?  Maybe.  But this story blatantly contradicts the entire John & Yoko Myth and is so over the top weird... there’s just no room in our understanding for this alternate reality where Paul and Yoko are the true star-crossed lovers :)   

The point is that you can’t believe ALL the theories and rumors because they often directly contradict each other.  Sometimes you just have to use your own best judgment. We hope this was helpful and that we didn’t just confuse you further.  Thanks again for writing in! -Phoebe and the crew

[purplesurveys]

1213

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? Nah. The coldest I’ve experienced was probably something like 10 or 11ºC, when I was in Japan. At the time I still didn’t care too much for traveling and ended up being really underdressed for the weather, so I was extremely uncomfortable the whole time we were roaming around the city. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? LOL yes, notably on the last night of my college internship. My car was parked in another building so I had to walk outdoors, when all of a sudden it fucking poured. I ran to the nearest building for shelter but I was still absolutely drenched and ended up having to call my mom (who works in the same city) to ask her to come pick me up.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Chocnut or milk chocolate.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Once in a blue moon. I had my ex over all the time but since then I’ve only had one friend - Angela - come over once.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? I mean, we’re very open with each other with regard to our frustrations at work.  That could technically count as unprofessional but I’m honestly just glad we don’t have to be fake around one another and pretend like everything’s dandy.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? Just once, for my dad’s birthday. We stayed in Tagaytay for a weekend though we Airbnb’d a condo unit and not a hotel.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Nah. I could try but I’m too afraid of not being able to support myself and accidentally breaking my neck or something.

What about a flip off of a diving board? Nope.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos? No. I barely look at them and I’m sure people barely look at yearbooks too.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? My grandma.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 8,067. There used to be around 10,000 but I had a ‘huge’ deleting spree that brought it down to around 6,000 – but clearly I’ve brought it back up again lol.

Do you think dimples are cute? Yes, super.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? It’s whatever. They all lost their taste anyway.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Just me. That’s usually the case nowadays.

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Pogs.

Have you watched a movie today? I haven’t watched a movie since like September.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? Angela’s, but it was super brief as I only went in to greet her parents.

Do you love soft pretzels? Yep, that’s how I prefer my pretzels as well.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? I really have no clue. I haven’t been around too many people in such a long time, much less people who’ve cried in front of me. I want to say maybe Gabie???? during one of our last meet-ups. The name feels so foreign now.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? After.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? Giving people cards isn’t much of a tradition here. We’d much rather get you a physical gift altogether.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? I probably do it without realizing, so I can’t say exactly when.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? Fortunately I haven’t had one in a while but I usually get cramps on my neck and shoulders after a whole day at work.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? My sister went to school with this girl whose name was her surname in reverse.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? If so, why is that? Yeah. I’m not confident in my singing, so I never sing around people and it would embarrass me if I was ever caught/heard.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I try to be. It works for some people.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Nah.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? No one has accused me; at least not to my face. As for the second question, I’m sure I have one or two; I’ve just never gotten myself professionally checked.

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Yabu because I was craving; paid with my own money. It actually feels pretty weird because Yabu had been mine and my ex’s thing, and I haven’t had their food since the breakup. I’m looking forward to having it again tonight and finally changing the narrative for it.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? I don’t like to do it but I’ll sometimes do it if I wanna feel relaxed. No, it wouldn’t bother them too much.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I don’t listen to them.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Not really, but I have nothing against it.

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yep.

Are you more of a dog or cat person? Dog.

Have you ever failed math? Just the advanced courses, like calculus, back in high school. I find math pretty fun and easy if I get the topic and know the formulas; but if I find something hard, it’s very difficult for me to keep up. There’s really no in between haha I either pass with flying colors or absolutely flop.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Whichever’s not too sour. Idk, I never buy Skittles.

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Nope but I used to have nightmares of watching my loved ones get shot.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? That I had fun.

Can you sleep with the light on? Only if I’m pissed tired. Otherwise bright lights would bother me.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I know my answer won’t count as it doesn’t technically fall under horror, but Eraserhead was just very bizarre and unsettling. I’ve never seen the whole film without pausing several times.

What band can’t you stand listening to? Again, this probably won’t count as they’re a boy band/group more than anything, but I cannot stand The Vamps.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? Yeah, sure, I guess, for fun. I think those are mostly bullshit anyway so I’ll only take a test with bullshit questions as well.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Those genres never really were my cup of tea.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? We had two lovebirds some years ago. They were lovely, but idk if we’d do it again. No reason, just that we prefer dogs.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? It’s great, even with my maternal grandpa who’s already passed. But I’m well aware of the fact that they’re also a bit wary of me since I’m the most vocal and outspoken of all their grandchildren, whereas they’re intensely conservative and traditional. Still, I always feel their love, especially through food and how they always make sure to stuff me whenever I come over haha.

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? In a sense, yeah. I was in a same-sex relationship that I hid from my family for four years.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral?  I’ve never been to a funeral but I doubt I could speak at one without breaking down.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated?  Yes, my grandpa was cremated.

What is your current problem?  Just some deliverables at work that I would rather not think about now.

Do you like canopy beds?  Eh, I don’t mind them.

What is your favorite animated movie?  Toy Story.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city?  Big city. I need lots of noise, lots of activity and lights where I live. I’ve lived in suburban neighborhoods all my life and I would love a change in pace.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why?  Idk.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls?  I’ve watched snippets and it’s HILARIOUS. I’ve always wanted to start the series but never knew where to watch it.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Was never into it, no.

Last alcoholic drink you had?  Peach soju and plum soju that got me absolutely hammered.

What are you known for?  These days, probably for doing an extreme 180 and having my life be all about BTS now.

Has anyone ever threatened you?  Yes.

Have you ever gone frog hunting?  No? Doesn’t sound like my type of activity at all.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin?  Yeah my face is a little dry, but I don’t think it’s something I ‘suffer’ from since no issues have come out of it so far. It’s just the way it is.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?  Not a stuffed animal but I need to hug a pillow to fall asleep.

What’s the weather like right this moment?  It’s weather that says “it’s gonna get really hot in an hour or so” and I’m not enjoying that very much.

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks?  If there’s no trash can around, I tend to.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter?  It was in a hotel.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from?  Just somewhere in the Philippines.

What do you occupy your time with on flights?  I’m honestly really happy with just staring out the window. If not that, I bring something to read or listen to music. I haven’t had a flight that lasted 6+ hours, but I imagine I would also bring my laptop for a series or movies to watch if I find myself in that situation.

Do you dog-ear pages in books?  Yup.

What’s a made up word of yours?  I don’t think I have any.

Do you use Q-Tips?  I do.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like?  No. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song?  I don’t really like content with a hero/ine plot.

What makes you dizzy?  Amusement park rides, car rides, headaches.

Are your parents liberal or conservative?  Conservative.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces?  Not my middle teeth, but in general yeah. I did have braces but I lost my retainers at one point so my teeth just went back to their original position eventually.

Are you happy with your height?  It’s fine. I’m small but it’s the average here so I don’t really complain.