#back of my brain so i don't feel like I'd be that motivated for it and then I won't be able to keep up with the discord server and then

[mayapapaya33]

There's an interesting theme in the movie of grey areas in a world of binaries and I think the question of whether someone wants to be pope (or wants anything similar; power, fame, etc) falls in the same grey area. I don't think Aldo was lying when he said he didn't want to be pope, and I also don't think his later admission of ego in a moment of anger and stress negates the previous statement. He said it himself "Shameful, to be this age and still not know yourself" In a similar way I think Thomas's confession to Aldo that his popesona's name is John doesn't really mean that he ever truly wanted to be pope in his heart of hearts. I think part of Aldo wants to be pope and part of him realizes that it would suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck lol. I do think the part of Thomas that ever contemplated being pope is much smaller than Aldo's ambition though.

You can want something and not want it at the same time. Humans are weird like that. Part of you can be screaming; "That would be terrible, and I'd hate it. I'd be miserable the whole time, my life would be forever changed, and I would never be alone again, most of life's simple pleasures would be impossible, and it'd suck so bad. I'd be in a gilded cage unable to escape except through death." And another part of you whispers; "What if? I could do so much good, I could help people, I could change things for the better. I'd be powerful, people would have to listen to me! Am I really going to let THAT idiot do it? I'm not perfect but look at them! Imagine my name going down in history as the pope, etc."

If you're a good person genuinely trying your best who is nevertheless a human with flaws, it can be pretty easy to ignore or suppress the shallower or more ego driven motivations in favor of the more altruistic ones. They can still give faint pokes from the back of your brain now and again and maybe steer your actions in moments of weakness. Does that make your good intentions and motivations and thoughts all lies? Maybe you're lying to yourself by ignoring or suppressing some of your other thoughts and feelings, but even so, does the presence of contradictory thoughts and feelings make you a liar if you express them as you come to consciously know and feel them, or does it just make you a normal messy human? I'd argue the latter.

[truffulacore]

I was like so ready to put my 3 lads in weehawken and then like days before it began I had a massive Moment and died and then came back but now I cannot bring myself to actually join so like. ruth dreampop and carlin are just there on the list but I guess they haven't spoken to a single person yet skfhskfj

[andhumanslovedstories]

for people who also have a mild impulse shopping problem, I've found it useful to identify the itch I want to scratch: is it spending money or is it getting things? If it's spending money, I trick my brain by paying off something I owe. Like a few years back when I was feeling dangerously shoppy, I would drop a big chunk of change as a student loan payment. When I was buying an entire new mouth of teeth, I'd transfer money from my checking to my secret ultra hard to access tooth account.

If paying myself or paying a debt doesn't work, I find a charity or gofundme that's worth supporting. (You gotta be careful with that last one, it's really easy to be spend way more than you should, budget-wise, because it makes spending money feel good morally, which can be an incentive to keep going.) I also like to keep cash on hand so if I see someone who needs money, I can give it to them. It's a financial decision made impulsively for an opportunity I won't get again (giving $20 to this exact person at this moment of need). All this soothes the spending beast inside of me, and I don't deal with the Money Shame that comes with $100 of amazon orders.

If I want to acquire things, I download a lot of research articles I know I probably won't read, or I get an enormous stack of books from the library that would be impossible to finish before I have to return them, or I'll download a bunch of albums I tell myself I'll get to someday. Sometimes it's enough to just make a list of things of things I want to do or own. A list of one hundred movies I've curated from best of lists that in this moment I feel motivated to watch. Add tv shows to my watch list on netflix. Add fics to my "to read" list on ao3. Anything that feels like I'm adding to a hoard.

If I still want to shop, well, I'm probably gonna spend more money than I mean to, but I at least make sure I'm deliberate about my spending. If I'm gonna blow my cash on something, it should at least be worth it. That means either very cool or very useful. And honestly, the things you tell yourself are useful while in the shopping haze are never that useful, so you might as well go for very cool.

This is all to say I fell into a trance last night and this morning woke to receipts and tracking info from etsy dot com. And I am like "yikes." But I did get something that is so so so stupid that I can't wait to show it to you all when it arrives.

[parfaitblogs]

(totally not based on my day) but a simple request for spencer helping reader out with a bunch of chores bc she's overwhelmed with life and she decides to thank him with like the quote "best head of his life" and he's like "its okay you dont have to do that" and she's responds "but i am anyways"

it will come back ❀ s. reid x reader

in which spencer reid helps you when you're (very) overwhelmed, and you might need to return the favour.  pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: comfort & smut (18+ mdni) tags: oral (m receiving). praise. established relationship. reader's overwhelmed overstimulated overworked... very enthusiastic head giver!reader. use of honey and angel. they love each other a lot. i love them a lot. i don’t think there’s d/s dynamics but if there are it’s soft dom spencer (nobody’s shocked). word count: 3.1k a/n: thank u sooo much for reading my brain ily i need to give spencer reid head asap. new format/layout for requests sort of its the same as my normal post layout... do we like... i sure freaking hope so. as always lmk if u liked this or even if u didn't but preferably if u did!!

You were exhausted. For three weeks straight, you had been working nonstop, with a wondrous total of eight hours in between shifts. You were hardly sleeping, you had hardly had a social life, hell, you never even had time to enjoy the simple pleasures of an everything shower. You felt groggy, and cramped, and everyday felt like an awful repeat of the last. A nightmare that never ended. 

Never mind the fact that you hadn't seen your boyfriend.

Always home too late to be with him in the evenings, and up too early to get coffee with him before your days started. Spencer was so patient with you, regardless. He knew it would end eventually, and he would get his girlfriend back. It was just for the month, was what you would text each other whenever the other began feeling particularly lonely. He didn't even like texting, but the time for a simple phone call wasn't available to you anymore. 

And your apartment. Every time you stepped into it you swore a new dirty dish materialised in your sink, or a new pile of clothes sat themselves in your bedroom floor. Which was odd, because you had rotated between the same two outfits for the last eighteen days — your work uniform, or your pyjamas. 

You were overwhelmed with it all. Even as your hectic work life came to an end, and you were waking up to the sunlight pouring into your room, instead of an alarm clock while the moon was still up. You were acutely aware of the mess of your apartment, and just the thought of it all left you lying motionless in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

Tears stung your vision as you felt the seconds tick into minutes, and nothing happened. Attempting to will yourself to get up, and yet you simply couldn't. Exhausted beyond belief, with limbs sinking into the mattress and melding to the sheets. 

You faintly heard the click of your front door lock, and if you had any more motivation in you, you'd probably get up to double check it was the only other person who had a key to your apartment, and not a burglar. Thankfully, you didn't have to, for Spencer was calling out your name, gently.

Too exhausted to even reply and alert him of where you were, you lay still until he had found you in your bedroom, his bad dropping by the doorway, feet shuffling against the rug. 

"Good afternoon," he said, finding a seat on the edge of your bed, hand resting atop your thigh, gentle circles being rubbed into the skin. 

"Is it already afternoon?" you asked him, voice quiet. 

"Yeah. How long have you been awake in bed?" 

"I don't know," you answered, voice awfully small as you felt the thick weight of frustration with yourself blanket over you. "I need to get up. The apartment's a mess."

"It's allowed to be," he said. "You've been doing sixteen hour days."

"Yeah, but I'm not today. I have the day off."

"Your first day off in weeks. I'd be concerned if you'd spent it productively."

You stared at him, unsure if the irritation that settled in your bones was because of his insistence that you not doing a thing was okay, or your exhaustion. Logically, it would be the latter. You did know that, deep down. 

Upon seeing your eyes delve into something a little more desperate, he sighed, hand sliding up to your own, gently tugging you up into a seated position. His eyebrows knitted together at your exhausted look, and you could see his brain ticking behind his eyes.

"Do you want to split the tasks?" he finally asked.

"You don't have to," you shrugged your shoulders. "It's my mess."

"Honey, you're already overwhelmed, and all you've done is wake up," he answered, thumb drawing circles on the top of your hand that he still seemed to have clasped within his own. "Let me help."

"It's really gross."

"I've seen mutilated dead bodies."

"I'd argue my kitchen sink is worse."

"Oh would you?" his eyebrows shot up, lips twitching in amusement, that you found solace in, distracting you slightly from your overstimulated mind. "Do you want to have a shower?"

"Yes," you nodded your head, brain ticking over all the personal hygiene tasks you had been neglecting over the past few weeks. 

"How about you go shower, I'll start cleaning up, and you come join me when you're feeling better?"

Despite your aversion to anybody but yourself tackling the mess of your apartment, you knew better than to deny Spencer any further — he had set his mind on helping you. 

Sighing, you nodded your head in defeat. He had coaxed you up off the bed, gotten you to the bathroom, even found you a fresh set of clothes to wear, and waited with you for the water to warm up. It was really only once he was absolutely sure you had gotten into the shower, did he leave you be, and disappeared from the bathroom. 

Eventually, the apartment had been cleaned, with efforts from the both of you getting it to where it now was. 

You were a lot less exhausted, and your brain was a lot less fried now that you didn't have a million tasks catalogued within it to get done. 

You were lying in your freshly made bed — courtesy of Spencer. Your head on his chest, fidgeting with one of his hands as he used the other to wave around as he rambled about something you were no longer following. It had started as a simple explanation for why you had been so overwhelmed in the first place. Which you had asked as a rhetoric, but didn't have the heart to stop him when he began explaining. 

"You're not listening, are you?" he asked, free hand poking your side and emitting an involuntary laugh from you at the feeling. 

"I am, I am! I'm just not following anymore."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," you replied, turning and poking your head up to be level with his. "I like hearing you speak, anyways. Doesn't matter if I don't understand."

He only hummed as a response, and the two of you stared at each other for a beat, before you were breaking out into a smile. 

"Hi," you chirped. 

"Hello," he answered, perhaps a little too amused by your sudden energy. "Would you like something?"

"A kiss?"

"After all that labour I just put in for you?" he mused, but he was already lifting his head to brush his lips against yours, and was most certainly not pulling away when you eagerly connected them properly. 

You pulled back after a few moments, searching his face. "Do you want something for all that labour?"

His hand trailed up your spine, fingertips triggering a shiver to run up your back. "What do you have in mind?"

"I could give you the best head of your life."

He was clearly not expecting that as an offer, perhaps because you never had offered such a thing before. It wasn't even something you had talked about, which was bizarre (in your mind), considering he was quite enthusiastic about using his mouth on you. 

"You don't need to do that," he shook his head, but with how close your faces were, you could see the instant dilation in his pupils. 

"What if I want to?" 

"Then that's very nice of you, but my point still stands," he replied.

"Spencer, let me do something in return," your voice was nothing short of a whine, and if he was any less turned on, maybe it wouldn't have made his firm footed denial falter. Maybe you knew that.

"You could do anything but that."

"So a handjob?"

"Or that."

"You're such an awful liar," you huffed. "I can see your pupils dilating. I know you're turned on by the thought of it."

"It could just be because I'm looking at you," he answered, voice hoarse, no doubt from the arousal he was attempting to deny was there. "Romantic attraction triggers the same response in our hormones."

"But it's not."

He fell silent for a few moments, before he allowed his resolve to slip, shaking his head in agreement with you. "No. It's not."

"See! It's okay if you want it. I'm quite literally offering myself to you," you spouted. 

His eyes fluttered shut, and he exhaled through his nose, words coming out through almost gritted teeth. "That's not a sentence you should be saying."

"Why not?"

His only response was to say your name chidingly, and when he reopened his eyes, he was met with the shit-eating grin on your face. 

"Brat," he mumbled, lips seeking yours once again.

"Who gives really good head," you hummed against his mouth. "And would really love to show you."

"If you're insisting—"

"Which I am," you quickly interjected, staring back at him as yet another amused smile stretched across his lips. Then, he was nodding his head, and you were quite cheerfully kissing him all over again.

It wasn't that you kissed him with much fever at all — in fact, you were melting into his lips with a gentle hum. It was simply that he was kissing you back with a desperation you should be accustomed to. You weren't. 

Every kiss you received from him always felt like he was chipping away at your soul, claiming a piece of it. Maybe he was.

You mewled when his teeth nipped at your lower lip, and he was quick to take the opportunity of slipping his tongue into your mouth. Though, alerted by his sudden control over the situation between you two, you reluctantly pulled your face away from his before it could go much further. 

"Excuse me," he breathed out, scoldingly, only to be met with your hundredth grin of the day as you descended down his body. He'd take it — you smiling, albeit cockily, was much more rewarding than the concerned look you had been sporting for the majority of the afternoon. 

"I don't do this very often," you told him as you lifted your gaze to his, absentmindedly tugging his pants down his legs. 

"I hope not. You've never done it for me, and we've been together for quite a while."

"You know what I mean," you grumbled, and he was forced to poke his tongue into the inside of his cheek to keep the smile off his face. 

"Is this comfortable for you?" he then asked, having noticed your constant adjustments of your positioning between his legs. From nerves or comfortability, he didn't know. 

"Um. I guess so," you replied. "I've never done it lying down."

"We can do it however you prefer to do it, angel."

"Oh. Okay. Cool," you mumbled, sitting up straight and grabbing his hands within your own, tugging him over towards the edge of the bed. 

You sank to your knees on the rug, tapping his knees with your hands to part them so you could situate yourself comfortably between them. 

You were a vision if he'd ever seen one, and you weren't even doing anything. Perhaps you had noticed the effect you had on him, or maybe you were just largely enthusiastic about doing something for him, and only him. 

Your tongue darted out to lick your lips, eyes flickering up to meet his face, and if this was the last sight he saw before he died, he would have no complaints. 

"Have you ever gotten head before?" you mumbled, eyes fixated on him as your hands trailed up the sides of his thighs, resting at the waistband of his boxers. 

"Yes."

"Okay," you whispered, quietly, tapping his hips so he could lift them, and you rolled his boxers down his skin.

"Okay?" he parroted. 

"Okay," you confirmed with a nod of your head. "I just wanted to know if this is going to be completely new for you or not."

As you spoke, your fingertips dragged along his inner thighs, lips following soon after, kissing up the skin. 

"I don't think that's going to matter, honey," he answered, voice breathless. 

You smiled, not needing to ask what he meant. You lifted your head back up, studying his face. He gave you a nod, a silent confirmation to allow you to go further, and you took a beat to compose yourself. It's not like he would be mad at you if it sucked, but you had had a far too awful day to not do something good. 

You hadn't done this in a while, it was true. So your hesitance came more from your brain figuring out what it actually needed to do, than your insecurities (they were there too). 

Insecurities that melted away within an instant, for Spencer's thighs tensed beneath your hands that were now holding them apart the second your lips made contact with his cock, and through your lashes you could see his head tipping back. 

Your cheeks warmed at how easy it was to get him to respond, and you wondered if the satisfaction settled in your chest was anything similar to how he felt when he did this to you. 

You started hesitant. Gentle kitten licks at his tip that probably shouldn't have been garnering such a large reaction from him. But it was, and you had to preoccupy your mouth to keep the smug smile off of it. 

Wrapping your lips around the head, he lets out the breathiest moan you think you've ever heard come from him, and your mind goes hazy. Newfound blind confidence wills you to take more of him in your mouth, and it's a quiet 'Fuck' that compels you even further. 

In hindsight, he knew he'd enjoy it. It was you after all. He knew from the world shattering arousal that the simple sight of you on your knees was. He had, in a few short seconds, mentally prepared to enjoy this.

But not this much, and certainly not this quickly. 

"I've been too selfless," he muttered as you lifted your head back up, tongue licking a stripe up the underside of him as you did. When you met his gaze in question, he added, "I mean never asking you for this. I should've."

You hummed as a response (it was all you really could do), and the gentle vibrations shot heat throughout his body. A shuddering moan rocked through his body, and if not for your quick response time in pushing his hips down, they would've knocked against your face when he bucked them up.

You hollowed your cheeks, lowering your head back down, and emitting the loveliest of moans from Spencer, whose hand found its way to your hair. Upon the lack of your protests, he made a loose ponytail with his fist, gently tugging on it upwards so you could lift your head. 

You flattened your tongue on your ascend, successfully making his already weak grip on your hair go slack, within only seconds of him having grabbed it. Swirling your tongue around the tip of his cock, his hips bucked up again, and you flinched. 

"Jesus—fuck, sorry, honey," he rasped, though his guilt was quick to dissipate as he saw your thumbs up against his thigh. Your movements weren't hesitant, anymore. Just slow. Tortuously slow. "Can I..." he trailed off, seemingly becoming unsure of what it was he was asking of you within seconds, but the retightening of his hand in your hair gave you all you needed to know. 

You nodded your head the best you could, and he mumbled a quiet 'thank you', allowing you to set a base pace, before taking over. 

"So good. Jesus Christ, angel. Where did you learn this? Don't answer that. Don't tell me. Shit." 

His rambling was sharp sentences, that didn't really sound like they belonged together, and certainly didn't sound like they should be coming out of his mouth. They weren't the most articulately structured phrases he's ever come up with. A thought that comforted you, because you were doing that to him. 

"Fuck," he breathed out, once more, and you came to the mental conclusion you've never heard him swear so much in his life. The thought made your stomach flip.

Fingers dug into your scalp, though not too harshly to hurt. In fact, you were letting out a quiet moan of your own at the feeling, hips wiggling. Even in his state, Spencer noticed, and he smiled.

"You—ah—okay, angel?" he asked you, and you relished in the fact that he couldn't get out sentences without moaning. 

Your response was yet another hum, and he was bucking his hips. Again.

You knew he was close for a multitude of reasons; the fact that he had quickened his gentle-turned-firm guidance of your head, his fingers tugging on your hair a little harsher than before, and the ever so lovely, "Jesus Christ—please—oh," leaving his lips, breathlessly.

It was a few more moments of that, before the fingers in your hair went impossibly tight, and the muscles in his thighs locked beneath your hands. 

The fact you had never discussed doing this, meant neither of you knew the other's stance on what to do. Thankfully, Spencer was rendered so frenzied that he couldn't do anything. 

It was a sickeningly lovely sight; you pulling back and swallowing, some of his come painting your bottom lip. His fingers twitched, before they dropped back to the mattress on either side of his body, his chest heaving just as much as your own. 

Lightheaded, you slowly brought yourself back up to your feet, and Spencer's arms were quick to wrap around the backs of your thighs, pulling you into him. 

"Best head of your life?" you asked, lowering your lips to brush against his. 

"By a mile," he replied. 

"Just one mile?" 

"Maybe two."

Shooting him a glare, you huffed, and he laughed. "You're never getting head again, then."

He nipped your lower lip. "Okay."

"I'm putting my foot down," you retorted, disliking his lack of belief in your words. "Never again."

"I believe that."

"You should."

"Oh, I do," he hummed, sarcasm in his words making you frown. "Are your knees okay?" 

If his goal was to distract you, he succeeded, for your eyes were instantly dropping to your knees, indents from the threads of the rug evident. 

"They're okay," you confirmed, squirming as his thumbs rubbed circles into the skin on your thighs. 

"Tell me if they're not," he instructed, and you nodded. He stood up, hands sliding up to your waist. "Shower?"

"Shower," you confirmed with a nod, despite the fact that you had showered only a few hours prior. "Can we watch a movie after?"

"Yes."

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡

[comicaurora]

A bit of a strange question, but if there were any of your videos you were to "remake" today for any reason (ex: you feel like you misrepresented the original text or spread misinformation), which would it be and why? None of them is a perfectly valid answer

Again: bit of a strange question, but I've been thinking about my own creations and how I could have done so much better with some of them, but I also know that is a sign of my growth and constantly chasing "what if I did this instead" isn't always healthy for nurturing a creative mindset, and I was wondering what your opinion might be as a Creator of Things with a bit more experience than I

There's been a few trope talks where I've thought later of other angles I could've explored that might warrant sequels or part 2s, but I don't dislike any of the summaries enough to justify a rework.

I always find "I could've done this better if I made it now" to be a bit of a fallacy. I'm only better at making things now because I made all those earlier things. If I knew everything I'd learn from making a project before I started the project, it wouldn't come out the same.

I think when it comes to the "rework remake perfect" instinct, it helps to zero in on what the impulse is really grounded in. In my experience, more often than not, it's not actually about making the art better, except incidentally. It's usually about showing that you are better. It's demonstrating your competence and your higher standards and your skills, and more importantly it's overwriting the proof that you were once less than perfect. If people look at your old work and think that's all you're capable of, they'll be judging you poorly!

If that's the motivator, it's a very unhelpful one. You can't control for being harshly or incorrectly judged. It's a fruitless effort to stave off potentially upsetting outdated criticism, and it's not even going to work. Fear of critique is an unreliable and untrustworthy motivator.

If it really is about making the art itself better, perfecting your magnum opus with your newly leveled-up skills, that's a little more solid. But from where I'm standing, it's always better to use those skills to make something new instead of polishing something old. The older, unpolished work has already acquired its audience that finds it appealing for reasons that might never occur to you. Trying to bury or overwrite it just deprives that audience of the thing they like, and maybe makes them feel bad for having liked it in the first place. Also, usually when you look back on the older work, you'll conclude that the problem is everything and it'll need to be torn down and started from scratch. I know when I revisited the first three chapters of the comic, when I let my critic brain spin up, it wasn't shading or lineart I wanted to fix - it was panel composition, overall pacing, the entire structure of the chapters as a whole. I would've had to make them all over again to be happy with them, and they wouldn't be the same story by the end.

I've been thinking a lot about the Discworld through this lens lately. It ended up over 40 books long, but everyone agrees that the first two are not what you should start with, because they're the worst ones. They're entirely parodic, purely referential of at-the-time major fantasy series, and borderline mean-spirited in places. If you haven't read Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser and Dragonriders of Pern, you're not gonna understand like a full 50% of The Colour Of Magic.

It's clear that when he started in on them, Pratchett was entirely focused on taking the piss out of a genre he found mostly shallow and unimpressive. But the Discworld wouldn't leave his head, and everything he made fun of he clearly eventually found himself overthinking. He'd make little one-off jokes in the early books about Dwarves having no women and a hundred words for gold, and then twenty books later he'd have a Dwarf gender revolution make waves across the Disc, and then he'd write Thud!, a book that delves deeper into the nuances of Dwarf societal structure than Tolkien ever did.

If you look for them, there are continuity errors everywhere in Discworld. In his introductory book, Carrot defused a dwarf bar full of rowdy brawlers by guilting them all into writing to their poor lonely mothers back home. Shortly thereafter, Carrot will be outraged at the mere concept of an openly female dwarf. Pratchett even eventually wrote Thief of Time, a book that loosely explains that the Disc makes no sense because history has been broken and put back together incorrectly twice, and therefore any continuity errors are because of that.

He's the writer. He could've gone back and fixed it, edited the reprints to be less disruptively discontinuous with the later books. Instead he continuously moved forward and allowed the world he made to grow without cutting it off from its roots. And because he didn't bury his older, far worse work, we have the privilege of following the Disc's evolution from the very start, and seeing how this shallow, stock fantasy world parody became something incredibly rich and complex without ever pretending like its early installments never happened.

Anyway, that's why I think it's better to move forward. You make more good stuff that way.

[kunoiashifts]

·˚ ༘ ~ ʜᴏᴡ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱʜɪꜰᴛɪɴɢ ɴᴏɴꜱᴛᴏᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ~ ·˚ ༘

✩ for the past few weeks, i had been spiraling repeatedly.

✩ it was like whenever i got newfound motivation and a feeling that i'd actually shift, i'd just spiral over and over. i was stuck in a loop of having a good mindset, to having a worse one all over again.

✩ last weekend, i decided enough was enough. i wanted to shift, and i wanted my mindset to be suitable for shifting in general.

✩ i read up on these two posts and realized that i was basically just self sabotaging myself all along. 😭

✩ when i cried and worried about not shifting, i let my thoughts run rampant and persist in the fact that i hadn't shifted yet. it wasn't bad that i felt emotional, it was bad that i felt like my emotions would set me back. and i let them do so. this is why people tell you it's okay to be upset. it's okay to cry. just don't let your emotions dictate your shifting journey because you will get there no matter what.

✩ what i should have been doing was instead of persisting in negative thoughts, i should have swapped them out (i used the photo in the first post linked to help me understand how to do it). even if it hurt to even try to affirm or stop them, i'd let them go if i just forgot about them on my own. after a while, i found myself putting way less pressure on myself.

✩ and to help me normalize revision, i used it for other undesirable thoughts throughout my days. eg. "i hate math class— wait, i love math class because it's so easy!" (and guess what? it became easy just like that!!)

✩ and now, for the fun part. :3 after learning how to revise my negative thoughts, i decided to figure out how to actually get what i want.

✩ and the only key was to know i already have it.

✩ but i had already heard that 1,000 times before. however, when i read up on the second post and learned more about imagination, i realized i had been doing it all wrong.

✩ manifesting isn't about getting. it's about remembering you already have it.

✩ i had heard countless times about how you should "live in the end" and "act as if," but nothing ever stuck with my stubborn brain.

✩ so when i actually sat down and learned how the 3d and 4d worked through imagination using the video linked in the second post, i knew how to get to my dr.

some of the other edward art videos i watched, i genuinely find him so helpful:

Don't Try, But Experience - literally everything clicked for me in this video the most

Imagination is Not A State

Imagination is Self

✩ tldr: once i imagined it, i experienced it. no matter what the 3d throws my way. whenever i got a fleeting doubt, i'd simply revise it. "i haven't shifted yet— what? i'm in my dr right now, what am i talking about?"

✩ obviously it's easier said than done. but trust me, my brain was extremely stubborn before this and didn't take in ANY info i mindlessly bombarded it with. if you just take a second and actually try to understand law of assumption, it will click. and for me, all it took was these two simple posts.

if you'd like to know how i've been getting extremely close to shifting, then here :3 — every night, after using the HMM method and imagining my dr before sleeping, I've gotten very vivid dreams, (multiple about me successfully shifting) a flash of light behind my eyes as if i shifted for a split second, feeling way more connected towards my visualizations, (because now i see them as truth, they're genuine memories from my desired reality.) and overall feeling way more confident in myself. doubts have barely popped up, even if i wake back up in the old story. because i'm living the truth in my true reality (4d). my mind is all i need.

this is why people tell you your mind shifts first.

take that and run with it.

persist in the fact that you've already shifted.

imagine your dr, not as a faraway place, but as a place you've already been to. a place you're already in.

- ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ɴᴏɪᴀ

[raythekiller]

I love the masky nsfw alphabet It riled up my imagination.. soo can i request for a hoodie one?? Thank youu

🗒꒰⸝⸝₊ NSFW ALPHABET ❛ ✧

Featuring: Hoodie/Brian

# Notes: its that time of the year again where i make 1 post and disappear for the next seven months <3 also DAYUM new post format?? (also also theres a new toby drawing on the way stay tuned)

A - AFTERCARE

Surprisingly soft. Wants to hold you close and maybe take a shower together. Don't get things twisted though - it's so he can keep feeling your body against his instead of to comfort you. Call it possessiveness or an ego stroke, maybe.

B - BODY PART

Thighs man through and through. Thigh highs drive him up-the-wall insane. Will also just absentmindedly knead them if you're sitting next to him, especially if you're wearing shorts or a skirt/dress.

C - CUM

Oh he likes it messy. Just enjoys having his cum on you in general - backshots, face, dripping from you after he came inside, you name it.

D - DIRTY SECRET

None. He has no shame and is very open about what he likes.

E - EXPERIENCE

Not as much as you might expect, given his demeanour. Don't get me wrong, it's still a lot, but he makes it seem like he worked as a pornstar for a few years with sheer cockiness.

F - FAVORITE POSITION

If you ask him, he'll say "all of them". But if you put a gun to his head and tell him to choose, he'll settle for doggy. Just loves grabbing your hips and ass while he's pounding into you.

G - GOOFY

He doesn't exactly make jokes, but his teasing might be a bit funny at times. He doesn't mind making things more silly or lighthearted as long as you still cum at the end of it.

H - HAIR

Usually clean-shaven, but he might get a bit lazy with it occasionally. Always at least well trimmed though.

I - INTIMACY

Usually adapts to what you like best. If you just want to get your brains fucked out and keep romance out of it, he'll happily do it. If you like something more tender with lots of "I love you"s, he doesn't complain about it either.

J - JACK OFF

A lot. This guy has crazy stamina (we'll talk about that later), I'd say maybe five times per week or so.

K - KINK

A lot but mainly: CORRUPTION!! I've said it before and I'll say it again he wants to bring the worst out of you. If you're a virgin, he wants go be your first. If you're not, he wants to see just how wild things can get when he pushes you a little.

L - LOCATION

Literally anywhere. He is a fan of semi-public sex, though. In the woods, living room of the manor when (you think) there's no one else home, in a busted alleyway, you name it.

M - MOTIVATION

Oh it's very easy to turn him on. Here's a huge one though: when you take iniciative. He's used to being the one starting shit. When YOU do it, though? When you make it clear you want him to wreck you? Fucking hot.

N - NO

Very short but obvious list: anything to do with piss, shit or vomit. Other than that, I think he's pretty open. Not even averse to being submissive every now and then.

O - ORAL

HELL YEAH BABY! Giving, receiving, whatever, he doesn't care. His mouth isn't just good for talking shit — he knows how to use that tongue. When he's getting head, though? He looks so pretty — head thrown back, moaning and whimpering with a grin on his face. Might buck his hips into your mouth for giggles (and because you sound hot choking on him).

P - PACE

Again, he'll go for whatever gets you off. If you like it rough and fast, he's in. If you prefer slow and sensual, that's also hot.

Q - QUICKIE

Biggest quickie fan in the manor. He just can't help himself most of the time and he doesn't really try to, either. If his horny, you best bet he knows how to get you horny as well and things just go from there.

R - RISK

Loves experimenting and finding new ways to make you moan. Doesn't mind getting a bit freakier every now and then.

S - STAMINA

Jesus christ what are they feeding this man. Y'know when guys are like "I'm gonna fuck you all night long" and stop after two rounds max? This motherfucker is serious about it.

T - TOYS

I don't think he'd go out of his way to buy them, but if you already have them you best believe he's using it to his advantage. Big fan of vibrators.

U - UNFAIR

This guy is MEAN. He doesn't make you wait for too long before fucking you but just those few minutes feel like an eternity with the atrocities he's whispering in your ear.

V - VOLUME

LOUD. He moans, groans, whines, whimpers, you name it. Not ashamed to make some noise and LOVES if you're loud as well.

W - WILD CARD

Likes having his hair pulled— WHO SAID THAT???

X - X-RAY

7.4 inches, cut. Not too thick, just the right girth.

Y - YEARNING

Can't go like, a week without having sex or at least jacking off. Homeboy has a lot of steam he needs to let out.

Z - ZZZ

Only god knows how he doesn't pass out immediately after. Chances are you'll fall asleep before him.

[kozachenko]

I swear to god, Zanmu has just been on my mind recently, she's taking over my fucking brain please send help

Artist's Note:

Why is it that everytime I do a drawing of Zanmu I always make the canvas size fucking huge and it ends up being a living nightmare to fucking export. I swear to god I had to go from 1200 DPI to 600 to 350.

Exporting hell aside, I loved working on this piece. With Zanmu's design, I wanted to combine all the design details that I love and have seen in other people's drawings of Zanmu and give them my own personal touches. First of all, her sleeves were inspired by @amemenojaku's design for Zanmu, and I absolutley love that detail because not only does it make her feel more regal, it also can be a callback to Satori and old hell, and also gives me the idea that Satori's fashion sense was inspired by Zanmu because IRL a lot of historical fashion was inspired by what the nobles were wearing at the time, and since Satori was around since when Old Hell used to be Hell, she probably took some wardrobe inspo from her (or it could be my headcanon that Satori could've been Zanmu's royal advisor or she was in her court or something but that theory is kinda grasping at strings from other headcanons I have, but that's for a different post). Also, the eye makeup she has was inspired by @jothelion's drawings of Zanmu, and like, I fucking love that detail because it just adds so much like omg I just love it sm.

And now for the design details I put in. I gave Zanmu tassel earrings because I think they'd look great on her. I also really like to exaggerate her hair and really try to make it look wild, as well as having little grey hairs here and there. I also try to add some wrinkles to the corners of her eyes, but TBH I don't know how visible that detail is, since the image is pretty fucking big. I also really exaggerated the tassles/strings on her outfit, since I really wanted to play around with the potential flow they could have. Also, big fan of giving Zanmu longer sleeves and pants. IDK why but I just like how it flows better. Also big fan of making her taller, idk why a lot of fanart makes her short. Also, I placed her horns closer to the front of her head as I just think placing horns in that position looks cool.

Also, if you're wondering about the halo, I took some inspiration from a few of Caravaggio's paintings where he often depicts saints with this very thin halo around the top of their heads. I just liked that detail a lot so I thought I'd include it.

Fun fact, I was originally gonna make the four skeletons Chiyari, Biten, Enoko, and Hisami but I didn't like the prospect of having to draw four more characters, so I chose to replace them with skeletons (if you wanna get silly with it, Zanmu got Hisami to kidnap Aya, set up some skeletons with bones from her bone collection and told her to take a picture of her).

I kinda gave up on Zanmu's feet and the one skeleton's hands (as if drawing hands normally is hard enough but NOPE, HAD TO MAKE IT LIVING HELL FOR MYSELF BY MAKING IT A SKELETON) and the quality of the image may suffer because of how much I had to fucking compress it (Zanmu's presence alone was enough to make the computer lose all of it's desire and motivation to export the drawing of her lmao), but I have been hacking at this piece for a while now, plus I need to learn when to call it quits when it comes to drawings). Also as I was fixing up the hands there was one spot where I forgot to clean up with the sketch and I can't fucking unsee that now and it's going to fucking bother me until I fix it but fixing it requires going back and putting my computer through hell so yeah.

So yeah, that's about all I have to say with this drawing, it was fun but also a nightmare lol

[alexanderwales]

Notes on 3000 miles

Last year my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a high resting heartrate. So I started biking on an exercise bike, and by my best estimations, I'm either close to hitting 3000 miles or have already gone past that.

I should clarify that this wasn't all at once. I took many breaks.

So here are some notes.

When I started, I was on an exercise bike that my wife had gotten from her work. It wasn't the best, but it was free, and I made a deal with myself that if I biked every day for a month, then I could justify getting something better. I really really did not want to buy a piece of exercise equipment that would just sit in the house gathering dust, because that would feel awful ... but I do kind of wish that I had gotten the better bike sooner, because it removed some of the "friction" of exercise, where it felt like there were too many reasons not to get on the bike. The new exercise bike (a refurbished Peleton off Facebook marketplace that my wife got me for Christmas) really does just feel and move better. I think the general principle of not doing costly monetary commitments until you've shown costly personal commitment is a good one, however.

Blood pressure is in normal range. Cholesterol is in normal range. Resting heartrate is in normal range. This was all the case three months in, and this level of cardio is more than enough to maintain it.

Right now, I bike for thirty minutes a day, going 8-10 miles according to the bike. That range is enormous, because it represents vastly different amounts of work. Going 10 miles in 30 minutes is 20 miles an hour, and I keep the resistance relatively high, so by the end of it I'm always panting. By contrast, going 8 miles makes me feel like I didn't put in enough work.

My goal every day is sweat-based and completely qualitative. I want to soak through a shirt. This means that doing more laundry than I'd prefer to, which is an unanticipated consequence of the biking. It's also, compared to all the metrics the bike gives me, a very clear sign that I am actually exercising my body "properly" in a way that's achieving something.

I did some of the Peleton classes, and found a lot of the metrics to be motivating, but ... eh. Exercise is mostly about being healthy and maintaining my body, so my current strategy, for the last six months, has been to either shut the brain down or keep it fully engaged in something that passes the exercise time. Usually this means a TV show, especially a foreign one with subtitles, which need slightly more brainpower.

The final two minutes is always the worst. I'm just ready to be done with it. Sometimes there's gas left in the tank, but I still feel sweaty, thirsty, and overheated. I have a water bottle, and I drink from it while I bike, and I have a fan pointed at me that I turn on once I'm warmed up, but I always have a sense, in those last two minutes, of "finally I'm done". I tried the thinking man's solution, only biking for 28 minutes, and this did not help. In my entire year of biking a half hour a day, I didn't ever elect to go into overtime.

I initially lost ten pounds, then slowly gained it back. I am, in fact, overweight, but I'm holding more or less steady now, and there have definitely been some body composition changes, with muscle replacing fat. I went down about four inches at the waist. I've changed very little about how I eat (which is 90% meals that I cook myself, and a daily coffee drink of some kind, usually made myself with sugar/cream/chocolate). Biking amounts to 300-400 calories a day or something like that, so I'm presumably eating more to compensate and just not realizing it.

Mental health has been rocky, but that's just sort of how it is for me. I definitely feel less mentally well on days that I don't bike, and feel better afterward, but I have no idea how tight the correlation is, and if I had been keeping track on a mood tracker, I'm not sure I would be able to sus out from self-reported mood alone whether or not I was biking.

During the summer I replaced a lot of indoor exercise bike stuff with outdoor biking. My son has only recently learned to bike, so he's been with me many of these times. Usually that means that we're either biking a lot less distance, or we're biking for a lot longer time at much lower intensity, sometimes both. There's a bike path that's downhill from our house which goes for maybe six miles, with some good, clear turn back points, but that means a fairly arduous uphill to get back home. If I lived in a place where the weather wasn't frigid for almost half the year, I would probably be doing outdoor biking more.

I think the most important thing, if you're doing exercise every day, is making sure that you're doing it in such a way that it's sustainable and virtually incapable of injuring you. This mostly means proper form. Early on, I had a habit of pressing down the right pedal with the outside edge of my foot, and after fifteen minutes of doing that, the muscles in the foot would be aching and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why I was doing that, but it was difficult to get myself to bike in a way that wouldn't be putting strain on me.

I think it's okay to skip a day ... if it's for the right reason. Of the days that I've skipped, I always try to make sure the reason isn't "fuck it, I don't want to". I should either be feeling sick, feeling like I need to rest, or replacing biking with some other form of exercise like a hike in the woods or some weightlifting or something. If I start skipping days because I just don't feel like it, that's where the whole scheme falls apart.

I am currently sort of wondering how long this is going to go on for, and I think the answer is "for the rest of my life", or at least until I'm unable to keep it up for whatever reason. I don't think there's any particular reason to prefer an exercise bike (or regular bike) over running or rowing or some other form of cardio, but I think I have proven to myself that this is cardio I can do daily and stick with it to the level that is probably necessary for me to stay healthy. I'm not committed to doing it for the rest of my life, since in theory some other form of cardio might come along and sweep me off my feet.

I do wish that I had started earlier in my life, even if daily exercise has not been the panacea for mental health that I had been kind of hoping it would be. I hope that I have the willpower and wisdom to keep up with it indefinitely.

[boom-butterflyeffect]

mhmgmhg, nsfw alphabet for mike munroe for the soullll.... please and thank youuhh!!

LETS FUCKING GO, MY MAN MIKE

Mike Munroe NSFW Alphabet

A - Aftercare

Mike is surprisingly affectionate, very cuddly. He'd be the big spoon and would rub little circles on your hip with his thumb, mumbling about how gorgeous you are.

B - Body Part (His favourite body part on himself and you)

Mike really likes his arms, including his hands too.

He likes his biceps, and just how strong his arms are in general, he also has big strong hands, perfect for [redacted].

Is Mike an ass or tits man? The answer is yes. I feel like his favourite body part of yours would be one of the two, or maybe potentially your waist because he likes how it feels to have his hands on your waist.

C - Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside. Always.

D - Dirty Secret

Jacks off to the thought of you a LOT more than you realise

E - Experience (How experienced he is)

C'mon. We know.

F - Favourite Position

Basic, but missionary. He gets to kiss you as much as he likes with ease, and gets to see your expressions, so he knows just how good he makes you feel.

G - Goofy (Is he more serious in the moment?)

We've seen the amount of "buns" jokes this guy makes, he's making dumb sex jokes and then fucking you so hard you can't form sentences to tell him how stupid his jokes are.

H - Hair

Happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail happy trail-

I - Intimacy

I think he can be pretty intimate, even if it's just a quick hookup he'll still make it feel intimate and personal, he's too charming not to.

J - Jack Off

A lot more than you realise. You'd be shocked by how often this guy has sex on the brain.

K - Kink

Begging. Is begging a kink? He just really wants that ego boost that comes with hearing you tell him how desperate you are for him, his touch, his body. Drives him wild. ("C'mon, gorgeous. Tell me what you want.")

L - Location

I feel like he would like being a little more risky in public, nothing like a full on porno out in the open, but sneaky touches.

M - Motivation (What turns him on)

Specifically, seeing you wearing his clothes.

N - No (Hard limits)

He's fairly soft, and likes to keep it that way. I don't think he'd really want anything too deep or heavy into the bdsm/kink scene.

O - Oral

Loves receiving. Will run his fingers through your hair, head tilted back, eyes closed, panting and cursing. "Fuck, atta girl/boy." Might hold onto your hair to guide your head too. I don't think he'd be too big on giving.

P - Pace

I think it would entirely depend on the circumstances, like where, when, and how horny he is. More often than not, he's charming and slow, taking his time, and making it intimate, but there could be the rare occasion where the sexual tension is unbearable, and he needs you NOW.

Q - Quickie

I don't think he would do these as often, instead he would just give little touches and stuff to tease, and get you all riled up, then when you're both free and have the time LATER, the sex will be more satisfying after being pent up all day.

R - Risk

Mike doesn't mind some risk, and can enjoy a thrill, but nothing too extreme.

S - Stamina

Oh jesus. Your poor legs.

T - Toys

I don't think Mike would own any, or use them in the bedroom.

U - Unfair

Oh he teases. Then when you're whining, he acts like he has no idea what you're whining about.

V - Volume

Mike is VOCAL <3 Cursing, panting, constant praise and encouragement.

W - Wild Card (Random NSFW HC of my choosing)

He loves leaving hickeys but does not like receiving them.

X - X-Ray (Size)

I'd say like 7.5 inches?

Y - Yearning

Honestly he's very touchy. He loves at the very least just having his hands on your waist or kissing you.

Z - Zzz

Mike will usually fall asleep not long after, with you tucked in his arms.

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 12

I will be honest: if Joris started seriously using this thing he would simply get scared like "WHAT IF I AM GOING TO DIE ON ACCIDENT AND NOT NOTICE DOING TOO MUCH". Also, his pride wouldn't allow him to overindulge.

What I'm getting at, is that his usage of this thing is literally the most in-character, funniest thing that he could have possibly done.

Yes. It's the demons again. I don't actually have anything to add. He looked pretty.

>touch eldritch artifact that feeds on life energy to make people powerful >use it to enhance your nonexistent magical huppermage abilities that were killed both by lack of education and the fact you have a weird fucking dragonized body to summon a tresstump magic wand from a different country >stop using eldritch artifact in any way Literally nobody does it like him. I can just hear him praying that nobody notices or thinks he's weird. But I do. I do.

...If he didn't have The Stump on his mind, he probably wouldn't have stepped anywhere close to this thing.

I thought about how many times Joris has probably had to read out war speeches, to be able to pull something this good sounding out with no preparation, and got a bit sick in the head.

There is nobody better to read out a speech like this, I think. I don't have any thoughts because I am now clinically insane.

At this point, they have discussed the plan for infiltrating the Necro world.

And I keep thinking about the fact that, Just like everyone in this place, Joris has a family to return to and protect (<- taking poison damage actively) and that Joris, like everyone else, is distinctly aware that if they die — not only will their loved ones be sad, they'll also be dead as well.

I really like this little moment of "I really hope you know what you're doing (I don't know what we're doing, and I'm scared)" and the way his voice sounds worried...

I can read complex emotional motivations into ANY Joris dialogue. Just watch me. The worms inside my brain guide me.

The little nod as their plan commences...

If Joris + Sword = Atchan behaviour, then Joris + his stupid log = Kerubim behaviour... From his full-front and full-back pirouettes, to the way he holds positions himself.

As I've said, while it might not be Ankama's intention even now, Joris's fighting style has always resembled Kerubim and Atcham a lot. Which would fit, considering they were probably the ones to actually teach him to fight. (However, by now, I'd be sad if it wasn't their intention...)

Though in the original movie scripts, I'm pretty sure it was Kerubim was the one who actually gave him the log and taught him to use it... So, maybe my jokes about Joris's style in the first seasons are actually pretty-on point and Joris's fighting style has always been based off his?

Whatever the fuck is going on with Joris and Kerubim's bond is at this point, like, written in the fabric of the universe. It's a big comfort to know that the one and only reason I began liking Joris as a character (that reason being his relationship with Kerubim) has always existed in some way

...Ankama please make Kerubim teaching Joris to use the log as a weapon canon already! For years, even before researching movie history, my headcanon has been "Kerubim asked Joris what weapon he'd like to learn to use first — expecting the answer to be something like "a staff" or "a wand" due to Joris's lineage... and Joris responded with "yours :) blunt damage to the bones yippie" which was unexpected but pleasant."

I'm fucking crazy you know. Yugo took Joris's hit... The way Joris softly says "Yugo! :(". The way he immediately rushes at Toross... Friendship is so real and poignant.

Joris "I can't show people they're getting under my skin or that I'm uncomfortable bc that's a sign of weakness" Jurgen saying this is just. you know that he's just fucked. that he's stressed out. and maybe scared of dying. if he was feeling normal, he would not fucking say this.

He probably means this in a "you're not even the 1238423th person that I outlived and defeated to try and get at me like this" but it comes across as "I'm so tired of it".

He's always been disrespected. No matter how hard he tries or how hard he works, everyone just treats him like a child, calls him a little guy at best, a midget at worst — even if he is a politican, even if he is 600 years old. Every person that doesn't know him tutoyers him. Even his family sometimes treats him like a child — albeit for different reasons.

He has 20 mental illnesses, and half of them would be solved by indiscriminately shooting anyone who calls him "petit" or "nabot" or "garçon" with a gun.

[walks into the sea]

On the first watch-through, I genuinely cheered and clapped. Ya!!

Kill him Joris. Kill him and be reborn as a lotus flower.

:(

[xtreklx]

Nightmares ~ Ninja Turtles x reader

Scenario: bayverse Turtles x reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: SFW, angst + fluff

A/N: hey guys :3 thank u AGAIN for all of the love on my latest writing! it's so kind and also motivating for me, so keep an eye out for more! I just started a new job but I have a bunch of WIPs so it's rlly hard not to just sit and daydream during my shifts 🤭 but anyslay here's a little self-indulgent scenario for how the turtles would react to their partner having a nightmare. I thought of this after having a nightmare teehee. enjoy!!

__________

~ Leonardo ~

"Y/N? Wake up for me, princess."

You sat up with a start, your chest puffing up and down as heavy breaths left your body. At first, you could barely see what was around you, reality blending together with the horrifying dream you were in mere moments ago. But you came back to your senses as you looked around your bedroom and made eye contact with your boyfriend, who was sitting up next to you on your bed. He was watching you with worry on his face, ready to spring into action. It made your heart swell to see.

"Are you alright?" Leonardo asked you, his blue eyes boring into yours, and you nodded as your face scrunched up with incoming tears, letting your feelings of both fear and relief consume you. He wrapped his strong arms around you gently, pulling you into his lap and holding you against his plastron. You took deep, even breaths, trying to calm yourself down and keep the tears in, and he began to slowly rock you from side to side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He softly inquired as his hand began to brush smooth strokes down the back of your head. You sighed into the movement, your eyes closing softly. "I don't think I really need to. It wasn't real; my anxiety is just getting the better of me, that's all."

You let out another sigh, the breath quivering slightly, before opening your eyes and looking up at your maskless boyfriend. His gaze was soft, his ocean irises etched with concern but understanding. He didn't say anything, but nodded at you, keeping you in his embrace. You reached your hand up to his cheek, stroking it softly.

"I'm just really scared of losing you. I don't know what I'd do," you whispered, voice cracking and fear taking over. You had unconsciously let go of the tears and allowed them to prick the corners of your eyes again. Leo's gaze hardened with a determination, pulling you impossibly closer to him. His hand moved to cup the underside of your chin, gesturing to look him in the eyes.

"I swear on my honor, princess: you will never have to find out."

~ Raphael ~

You yelped as you woke, your body giving a shake. You pushed yourself up slightly onto your elbows, frantic, and breathing heavily. The frightening nightmare was still in your system, but as you looked around, your mind slowly crept back to the real world. You were in your boyfriend's bedroom, the red covers of the bed you were on and the knitting table in the corner being a dead giveaway. As your mind relaxed, realizing that it had all just been a dream, you closed your eyes for a minute, breathing in and back out a deep sigh of relief.

You returned to reality through taking deep breaths, and you slowly reconnected with your senses; particularly, your hearing. In the background of your momentary freakout had been Raph's low snores, and they came back to you now, growing louder in your brain as you grew more aware of them. You couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. Obviously, nothing had disturbed your 'sleep-like-the-dead' boyfriend.

You slowly opened your eyes back up to look down at the source of the sound beside you. Raphael slept on his stomach to your right, his arms bent upwards at his sides and his head turned in your direction. Normally, when you slept next to each other, he liked having you pressed up against his side as he slept on his stomach, so that you were partly under his massive shell. He liked to say that this was because in any emergency you would be protected, but you knew that was just masquerading his desire to be as close to you as he could be. He was not very communicative at times, sure, but as your relationship grew, you learned how to read his silent admittances of love and desire.

In all of your nightmare commotion, you had moved away from him, so you scooted closer to his side now, laying on your side to face him. You peered up at his sleeping face from your position, maskless and truly at peace, despite the angry snoring implying otherwise. You smiled to yourself as you looked up at him, glad to know that he was getting some much needed sleep.

Suddenly, movement shocked you as Raph re-adjusted in his sleep, and his massive arm was thrown over your waist, tightening and pulling you impossibly closer. You didn't make a sound, hoping not to disturb his slumber, but his snores continued as he held you close.

You smiled to yourself again and focused on the sound of Raph's snores to lull you back to sleep, knowing that you were safe from all harm with him by your side.

~ Donatello ~

You gasped as you woke up, shivers still shaking your body. You came to your senses quickly, realizing that none of it had been real, that it all had been a dream. But it didn't stop the feelings of fear and pain from bubbling into reality with you. And it didn't help that the one person you needed most wasn't by your side, where they were supposed to be.

You sighed out of frustration as you got out of your boyfriend's bed, tears stinging and threatening to spill. You slowly stood up and made your way out of his bedroom towards his lab space. And there Donatello was, hunched in his desk chair, typing furiously away on his computer and glaring at the much-too-bright screens through his tortoise-shell glasses.

"Donnie," you called out to him, voice cracking as you rubbed your eyes, not as accustomed to the brightness as his were. The sound caught his attention immediately as he turned toward you, eye ridges furrowed. "What is it, dove?" You glared at him, frustrated, the sting at the corner of your eyes growing stronger.

"You're not in bed," you stated simply, sounding almost insulted. Despite your tone, Donnie could see the wear that sleep was having on you, and smiled at you softly. "I just need about twenty--"

"I had a nightmare." Your voice cracked again, and the tears did what tears do best. The smile fell off of Don's face as he opened his arms for you, and you stumbled into them as sobs raked your body. He lifted you slightly so that your legs straddled his lap as you cried into his collarbone. You wrapped your arms around his neck and burrowed your face further into his skin. He stroked your back, shushing you softly and whispering comforts into your ear. "It's alright, dove. You're here with me now, I have you."

Your sobs grew softer as he continued to pet you, softly rocking himself and you from side to side. You stayed like that for a few minutes more, and he smiled to himself again as your breathing continued to even, happy to see that you were starting to feel better. "Listen, let me finish up here and then I'll take us back to bed, okay? Does that sound like a good plan?"

You didn't answer, and as Donnie pulled you away from his chest, he saw that you had already cried yourself back to sleep. He chuckled to himself before replacing you, leaning forward to his computer to save his work before standing up from his desk chair, your form still wrapped around him.

~ Michelangelo ~

Michelangelo awoke with a groan, turning from his side to lay on his shell and rubbing his hands over his eyes. Something had just hit him in the face, causing him to wake up. He rolled back over to his side, deciding that it was nothing serious and about to go back to sleep, when the same small thing hit him on the plastron. Two more times.

He opened his eyes to see you thrashing around next to him in his bed, your face scrunched up as you mumbled incoherently. He stared at you for a moment as his groggy brain tried to process what was going on. You had to be sleeping, right? Is it a dream? He sat up on his side of the bed and was dumbstruck for a moment, unsure of what to do. What if he tried to wake you up and it didn't work? Would that make it worse? Or what if he woke you up and you got mad? That would definitely make it worse.

Mikey decided he had to find out, as your thrashing got more violent while he watched. He reached his large hand through your waving fists to reach your shoulder, softly trying to shake you awake. "Angelcakes? Wake up, babygirl," he spoke to you softly. It took a moment of shaking your shoulder, but you startled awake with a yelp, eyes wide and flickering around his bedroom before landing on him.

You sat up slightly so that you were leaning on your elbows, taking a deep breath. "Oh wow," you sighed out. "What a brutal nightmare. I haven't had a dream like that in ages." Your voice cracked as you spoke, partially from sleep and partially from the terrorizing images that wouldn't quite leave your brain yet.

Mikey's brow ridges furrowed for a moment. Out of all the turtle brothers, he was the one who went through nightmares the most often, and he knew exactly how you must be feeling. He watched as your eyes began to well up with tears, and it pained him to see you upset.

His large hands went to cradle your face, tough thumbs softly stroking the apples of your cheeks. "Hey, I'm here with you, angel. Nobody else, just me. No tears. Please?" He smiled at you softly as he whispered to you, before his face lit up. "Hey! Whaddya say we go get a midnight snack to get your mind off of it? Food is always good for clearing the mind~"

You couldn't help but chuckle, matching Mikey's dopey grin with one of your own. You cherished him so much; he always knew exactly how to cheer you up. "Let's do it," you responded to him. He got out of his bed and offered you his hand, guiding you into the kitchen and making you laugh at his jokes all the way. By the time you were chewing on a cold slice of pizza, you had forgotten what the dream was even about, all your focus on the sunshine boy in front of you.

[prettyprincessduh]

Alphabet Soup ~ Rami characters edition ✨️

~~~

AN~ This trend is lowkey so old but I wanted to do it for my fav Rami characters

~~~

Characters in this post ~

Elliot Alderson

Ahkmenrah

Josh Washington

Finn - Need 4 speed

~~~

Elliot~

A = Aftercare

Awkward but sweet. He gets super quiet, not out of rudeness, but because his brain is overloading. He’ll probably get distant and nervous, especially if its a hookup. However if you're close and dating he'd most likely be stroking your hair. It takes him a while to say something, but when he does, it’s always something soft like, “You okay?” or “You were perfect.”

B = Body part

On you your thighs. He’s obsessed. Loves when you straddle him, loves gripping them, biting into them even. I get the vibe he would probably be a boobs guy, too. idk he feels like the type to wanna grab them

On himself—he hates his own body a bit, but he’ll admit his hands are “useful.”

C = Cum

He’s a mess. He tries to hold back but loses it when you whisper anything even slightly dirty. He likes cumming on you rather than in you. The thought of having kids terrifies him.

Places he'd cum ~ your stomach, chest, inner thighs, he finds it weirdly intimate.

D = Dirty secret

He’s set up cams in his room to rewatch you two together. Not out of creepiness ~ but because he’s obsessed. You’re his comfort and chaos, and he’s addicted.

E = Experience

Not a ton, honestly. But he's a fast learner. And once he trusts you? He’s eager to make you melt. Secretly watches porn you like to “study.”

F = Favorite position

He loves when you ride him. Being under you makes him feel safe but also absolutely wild. Watching you lose control on top of him? His favorite kind of powerlessness. He's a total bottom once he's comfortable

G = Goofy

He's not goofy... but sometimes when he's too in love with you, he’ll nervously laugh and ruin the moment. Then immediately bury his face in your neck in embarrassment. It’s cute.

H = Hair

Messy. Doesn’t shave anything unless he has to. Chest hair? None. Downstairs? He trims… sometimes.

I = Intimacy

Deep, intense eye contact when he’s fully emotionally connected. He may not say “I love you” every time, but his hands, his body, his whole soul shows it.

J = Jack off

Frequently. He fantasizes about you more than anything. Even the smallest moment ~ like you brushing his arm ~ can trigger a full-on fantasy spiral.

K = Kink

Voyeurism. Watching. Recording. That hacker brain loves capturing moments no one else gets to see. He may have hacked into your laptop webcam to watch you pleasure yourself

Also, slight power play ~ he likes you in control until he snaps.

L = Location

His apartment. Even though it’s a mess, it feels private and safe. He also secretly loves the idea of the fsociety arcade. Grungy, dangerous, perfect.

Once he's comfortable, he may go to your place since you'd have an actual bed and not a mattress on the floor

M = Motivation

Stress relief. Your voice, the way you look at him, the soft scent of your skin. And when you say his name in that one tone? Game over.

N = No

He won't do anything degrading or anything that makes you uncomfortable. No humiliation play. No hurting you. Emotionally or physically. Ever.

I mean, unless he's tripping out and losing control of himself but lowkey, I don't think I'd write that 💀 Especially after finding out what happened to him

O = Oral

Loves giving, but doesn't brag about it. He gets lost in it. Holds your thighs down and just devours you. Receiving? He gets shy but he won’t stop you.

P = Pace

Usually slow, sensual, drawing it out because he wants to feel everything. But when he snaps? It’s rough. Desperate. Unhinged.

Q = Quickie

He doesn't seek them out but when he's worked up? He’ll grab you against a wall, press a hand over your mouth, and take. He always apologizes after. Even though you loved it.

R = Risk

He’s more open than he lets on. If you suggest something risky, it turns him on like hell. Especially if it’s sneaky. He loves a good secret.

S = Stamina

One good long round… then needs to cuddle and reboot. Give him a few minutes, some soft kisses, and he’s ready again.

T = Toys

He doesn’t own any but if you bring one into the mix? He’s fascinated. Watches closely. May eventually ask to control it.

U = Unfair

He’s a tease king when he wants to be. Ghost touches. Whispering filthy things and then pulling away. He’ll edge you for hours if he’s in the right mood.

V = Volume

Quiet… until he can’t be. When he moans? It’s low, broken, breathy. He gasps your name like it’s the only thing grounding him.

W = Wild card

He's only had two previous girlfriends being Angela and Shayla

he is scared to get into a relationship again because he always feels like he puts others in danger

X = X-ray

Slim, lean muscle. Hidden strength. And he’s bigger than he thinks he is. Let’s just say... you were pleasantly surprised.

I wanna say more girth that length, but it's not, not lengthy like it's definitely a good size

Omg and veiny. Have you seen his arms and hands???

Y = Yearning

HIGH. But he won’t act on it unless you give him the green light. When he does though? He’ll crave you every hour of the day.

Z = Zzz

Immediately wraps around you like a blanket burrito after. Your heartbeat calms him. He falls asleep, holding your hand under the sheets.

He gets the best sleep after being with you.

Ahkmenrah~

A = Aftercare

The softest prince ever. He wraps you in silk sheets, gently massages your thighs, and whispers praise in ancient Egyptian. Think forehead kisses, feeding you grapes, and tucking you into him like his sacred treasure.

B = Body Part

On himself: His hands. He loves how strong yet delicate they are—how they can hold a scroll one minute and worship your body the next. I'd also say his Abs, he values keeping fit

On you: Your hips. He’s obsessed. He’ll trace them with reverence and grip them like a lifeline.

C = Cum

He treats it like a ritual. When he finishes, it’s almost reverent, like you’ve shared something sacred. Definitely into cumming inside if you’re down he thinks of it as marking his queen. Reader would probably have to go on birth control or she'd be pregnant 24 7

D = Dirty Secret

He’s been dreaming about doing it in front of one of the museum's sacred relics for years. He’d never risk it… or would he?

E = Experience

He was a virgin when revived but he learns fast. He's a quick study, eager to please, and surprisingly intuitive. By now? He knows exactly what he’s doing.

F = Favorite Position

Missionary but with his hands holding your wrists down, whispering Egyptian endearments while you fall apart beneath him. Or reverse cowgirl, so he can worship your body from below.

G = Goofy

Mostly serious, but if he gets really flustered, he’ll laugh. Especially if something modern confuses him mid-act like edible underwear. “This is food… but also clothing?”

H = Hair

Trimmed neatly, but not bare. He’s well-groomed out of royal habit. Yes, the drapes match the carpet. Regal, soft, slightly curled very touchable.

I = Intimacy

Deeply emotional. He sees sex as a bonding ritual. Every kiss, every touch is filled with devotion. He’ll look you in the eyes the whole time and whisper, “I am yours”

J = Jack Off

He does… but only when he can't have you. Always with reverence. Once he discovered lube, it was over.

K = Kink

Praise. Calling you his queen, his goddess, his chosen one.

He also believes in him being dominat in bed, but once you took control one time, a switch flipped

L = Location

The throne in his exhibit. Your bedroom. Your kitchen. A bathhouse. A carriage ride. The man’s got range.

M = Motivation

Seeing you in anything revealing, catching you stretching. Hearing you call him “Pharaoh” in that tone.

N = No

Anything degrading or too rough. He can get possessive, but never cruel. He values connection too much to treat you like anything less than royalty.

O = Oral

He adores giving. Watches your face the entire time. Skilled tongue, steady hands. You’ll be chanting his name like a prayer. Receiving? Oh, he’ll melt. He adores praise.

P = Pace

Slow and sensual, but when he gets really worked up? Oh, he’ll snap. Gripping your thighs, slamming into you, desperate to make you scream.

Q = Quickie

Once he understood what it was? Addicted. Back of your car, in the museum’s archives, your closet during a party, you name it.

R = Risk

Secretly loves danger. He’ll pretend to be innocent but gets thrilled by the idea of getting caught. The adrenaline makes him bolder.

S = Stamina

Royal blood means royal stamina. Two rounds minimum , sometimes three or four. He’s insatiable when you rile him up, and he won’t stop until you’re limp with pleasure.

T = Toys

He didn’t understand them at first… but now he has favorites. Silk ties, glass wands, and a soft feather he loves using to drive you wild.

U = Unfair

SO unfair. He’ll edge you with just his fingers and smirk while whispering, “Beg for your Pharaoh, my queen.”

V = Volume

He groans low and deep like thunder. Occasionally slips into Egyptian when overwhelmed. Hearing him moan your name? Life-changing.

W = Wild card

He has a royal breeding kink. Think: “I want you round with my heir.” Doesn’t matter if it’s roleplay or fantasy he wants to claim you in every way.

X = X-ray

Built like a god. Sculpted abs, strong thighs, and hung like royalty. Thick, long, and curved slightly to the right, just enough to hit every spot.

Y = Yearning

HIGH sex drive. He’s touch-starved from centuries of stillness, so now that he’s free? He can’t keep his hands off of you.

Z = Zzz

Once he knows you’re okay, he passes out holding you close, legs tangled, breathing warm on your neck. Dead to the world, no pun intended.

Josh~

A = Aftercare

He’s actually super attentive. For someone who seems chaotic, he turns into this gentle, cuddly softie. Warm towels, kisses on your forehead, and lots of “you okay, baby?” whispered against your skin. He needs to know you’re good.

B = Body part

On himself? He’s cocky about his mouth he knows how to use it, too. On you? Your thighs. Doesn’t matter if you're sitting, walking, lying down he’s obsessed. Loves resting his head on them and sneaking kisses.

C = Cum

He likes it messy. Every and anywhere.

Loves seeing you dripping, especially if he’s been teasing you for ages. But he’s also big on watching it soak your skin. He thinks it's artistic (in a hot, twisted way).

D = Dirty secret

He's jerked off to your voicemail like way too many times, which usually leaves you confused when you see the missed calls

E = Experience

Not tons, but enough. He’s watched a lot of videos and read some things he probably shouldn’t have. But with you? He’s eager, open, and gets better each time. He learns fast.

F = Favorite position

He likes it when you're on top. He loves watching you take control while he melts underneath you, but he also secretly loves flipping the script halfway through and wrecking you.

G = Goofy

He’s got a wicked sense of humor. Will 100% say something ridiculous right before sliding in. But once he’s in the zone? His smile fades, and he gets serious.

H = Hair

Groomed-ish, but nothing fancy. He’s not high-maintenance.

I = Intimacy

He doesn’t just want your body he wants your soul. Eye contact that borders on possessive. Whispers like “you’re mine” when he’s deep inside you. It's intense, emotional, and sometimes scary good.

J = Jack off

Yeah, he does. Often. Especially when he’s thinking about that time you sat in his lap and whispered in his ear. Uses his imagination vividly and definitely saves some of your pics.

K = Kink

Exhibitionism. The thrill of getting caught gets him going. Also, praise kink he lives for you calling him good. And he secretly wants you to ruin him just a little.

L = Location

Anywhere chaotic. Against a wall, in a closet at a party, on a piano he’s a vibe. But your bed after a long, intense day? His soft spot.

M = Motivation

You in a short skirt. You in his clothes. You being bratty. You not texting him back fast enough. He spirals fast, but it always ends up hot.

N = No

He’s not into anything that genuinely scares or hurts you. (Side eye)

He doesn't like sharing you, though he jokes about it, he wants to be the only guy inside you

O = Oral

Giving? Obsessed. He lives between your thighs. He takes his time, edge after edge, until you're grabbing his hair and begging. Receiving? He likes it messy, but watching your face is what really gets him off.

P = Pace

Unpredictable. Sometimes he’ll go painfully slow just to tease, other times it’s rough and desperate like he can’t get close enough. It depends on his mood… or yours.

Q = Quickie

Yes, and often. He thrives on them. The risk, the rush, the urgency chef’s kiss. Hallways, bathrooms, cars. He’s so down.

R = Risk

He’s a chaotic little daredevil. He’d try almost anything once. “What if we tried this?” is a phrase you hear a lot.

S = Stamina

Better than you expect. He can go a couple of rounds, especially if you’re encouraging him. But after an emotional night? It’s endless.

T = Toys

He’s curious and always down to experiment. Has a secret little drawer full of surprises. He wants to see how you react to all of it.

U = Unfair

He lives to tease. Texts you while you’re out, flirts when he knows you can’t act on it, and sends voice notes that are NOT safe for work.

V = Volume

Whiny. Breathless. Groans into your ear like he’s unraveling. When he’s really close? He starts moaning your name like a prayer.

W = Wild card

He loves recording you. Tastefully. With consent. Something about having it to watch later drives him crazy. It’s his private little obsession.

X = X-ray

It's pretty, On the longer side, slightly curved upward and very girthy He knows how to use it and loves your reaction every time.

Y = Yearning

High. Like, dangerously high. Even just seeing you in his shirt has him biting his lip. You’re the center of his universe and he wants you always.

Z = Zzz

Falls asleep with his arm slung over your waist, sometimes still inside you. Sleepy kisses and low murmurs until he’s out cold.

Finn~

A = Aftercare

Super soft king. He’ll help you clean up, pull you close under the covers, whisper compliments into your hair. Always checks if you’re okay, brings you snacks or water without you asking. He likes cleaning you off with a soft rag.

B = Body part

On you? Your ass. He loves grabbing it, standing behind you and pressing it against him.

On himself? His arms, he's actually fairly strong and he loves when he's carrying you and they're flexing

C = Cum

Finn’s the type to lose his breath, watching it drip down your stomach. He loves finishing where it leaves a mark.

Once got it in your hair, he wouldn't do that again unless you were in the shower though

D = Dirty secret

He’s had wet dreams about you before you even got together. One time, he may have accidentally moaned your name during a nap in front of the crew. They won't let him live it down

E = Experience

He acts like he is, but the first couple of times you had sex it went in the wrong hole atleast 5 times

F = Favorite position

Loves doing it from the side, laying behind you

Especially when it's late or early in the moring

G = Goofy

Totally teases. Slaps your butt, makes cheeky comments, but when it gets hot, he shifts into full smooth mode. He’ll crack jokes before and after, not during.

H = Hair

Groomed just enough, leaves a little for the rugged vibe. Smells good too like cologne and engine grease in the hottest way.

I = Intimacy

So much eye contact. Slow kisses between words. He’s the type to grab your hand during it, press it over his heart like, “feel that? That’s for you.”

J = Jack off

He does it, but not as often now that you’re around. When he does, he’s thinking of something specific like that one time in the car.

K = Kink

Car sex. Praise. Control. Danger. He gets off on the risk and the worship. Also has a thing for lingerie especially when it’s pink and just for him.

L = Location

The garage. The car. Against the hood. Backseat. Literally anywhere automotive-themed. Bonus points if you’re wearing his jacket.

M = Motivation

You looking at him from across the room? Instant switch flipped. Bonus: you in his hoodie, no pants. And when you call him driver boy? Done for.

N = No

He’ll never make you feel unsafe or unwanted. No to anything that makes you cry (unless it’s from pleasure). He checks in, every time.

O = Oral

He lives to go down on you. Obsessed. It’s like a sport to him. focused, determined, and he won’t stop ‘til you’re shaking. He also loves having your mouth on him but turns into a mess fast.

P = Pace

Likes to start slow and teasing, then gets fast and rough once he loses control. You’ll hear his breathing change first then it’s over.

Q = Quickie

Oh he’s a big fan. Behind a car. In the hallway. Against a wall before the crew shows up. Just give him a look, and he’s game.

R = Risk

He lives for risk. Getting caught? Hot. Car windows fogged up? Perfect. Public but private enough? Yes please.

S = Stamina

Surprisingly strong. Can go two, three rounds if you’re up for it. Gets turned on again fast if you keep touching him after.

T = Toys

He’s open-minded. Loves when you use them on yourself for him to watch. Might hold a viberator against you while kissing your neck just to hear you gasp.

U = Unfair

The biggest tease. Will act totally casual while his hand is in your panties, whisper something filthy in your ear then walk away like nothing happened.

V = Volume

He grunts. He growls. He swears under his breath. But when he’s close? Deep, needy moans with your name all over them.

W = Wild card

Once fingered you in the driver’s seat while making you keep eye contact through the rearview mirror. Still talks about it.

X = X-ray

Thick. Veiny. Heavy. And he knows how to use every inch. You definitely felt it before you saw it.

Y = Yearning

He’s needy in the best way. Always touching, always craving. Can’t go a day without tasting you. Gets irritable if he can’t.

Z = Zzz

Once he’s wrapped around you, he’s out like a light. But only after whispering something sweet against your ear.

[tiredmamaissy]

hey 👋

i think this is the longest i've been gone. i missed you all a lot. i've been writing this entire time, and wanted to finish the last (for now, it’s definitely not completed) two chapters of the ralak series before officially coming back. i didn't want to come back without some sort of peace offering (lol how could i come back empty handed?) and i don’t want to leave you guys hanging again, gotta give some sort of closure to this series!

i'm almost finished, but i felt like i needed to come on here and explain myself.

i've been really struggling with my mental lately. it's just been pretty bad, to be frank. and when i get like this, i find it extremely difficult to juggle all that life entails, and will typically neglect certain aspects of it just to get by. unfortunately, this, and my social life, have taken the biggest hit. i find it hard to keep in touch regularly with friends, and i end up just retreating into my shell. motivation becomes little, or nothing at all.

i don't want to go into too much detail, but i've found myself between a rock and a hard place. i don't feel like i have many options in my current situation. i feel trapped. i suppose i've felt this way for the past few years, but it's just been pretty bad recently. issy has been an escape for me. i created a ‘new’ identity, one that i could unapologetically be myself. no face to the name type of thing. i fell in love with pandora, yearning to go there. and suddenly, my ideal world--my ideal everything was at my fingertips.

when i first started, the feeling of regaining my identity after so many years was exhilarating. i put many, many things on the back burner to immerse myself into this feeling and this world. quicker meals, shorter showers, later bedtimes. i did any and everything to dedicate as much time as i could muster up to hold onto this new identity. i could feel myself becoming happier, slipping back into who i was before i lost her.

but life just happens. you know? it continued, and it did so ten-fold. it was one thing after the next, and soon my plate was so full that i had to take something off of it. i guess i'm used to choosing myself to neglect first, so i told myself i'd put this off until i could get through this and then come back. so i did, and i came back. then life happened again. so i left, and came back.

but this time around life hit me hard. i felt like i was playing a game on the hardest difficulty, with a half a life, no pauses, and no way to exit safely. i'm still playing that game, but i've realised that i should really try to make the most of it. so i've been writing in what time i have. it's been one of my biggest escapes and it makes me happy that i can share it, and see that others enjoy what my silly brain comes up with.

i'm ready to come back, but i'm honestly still really overwhelmed with life. i really, really don't want to disappoint anyone…and i can't promise that i won't leave again anytime soon. i never want to leave. and honestly, i don't think i'll ever really leave for good. i will forever love avatar, and all that it’s done for me for the past 14 years. i guess i’m just trying to say… thank you all for your patience and love.

okidoki, let me stop here while i can lol.

ill be posting the chapters as soon as i'm done with them, ofc. i love you guys!! i’m heading to bed and will try to clear out my inbox and dm’s asap

-issy 💜

[tendermiasma]

Hello! I must admit that I already asked some questions before, cowardly anonymously but you're kinda my comfort artist so I hope you don't mind!

How do you keep motivation/focus with big artwork project? I'm on one big piece with multiples characters and kinda tricky lighting and the more I look at my artwork, the less sense it's making. Like it's not "bad" it's just not resonating as much as the first idea now that it's rendered.

And you draw nsfw (and I somehow think it's way harder!) so keeping the fresh new eye every time on a scene that's supposed to be solely focused on that particular moment must be very hard! Like focusing on trees leaves when you have Halsin and Clover having their little moment under them would frustrate me so bad lmao! I guess it's why a lot of artist don't bother much with backgrounds and details... (guilty)

Thank you for your insight!

I don't mind! It's pretty simple for me, when I'm stuck on a difficult part I know that if I don't figure it out then the drawing just doesn't get made. There's no other option than to figure out the difficult part. I've never given up on a piece that was hard because I'd rather have it get made than languish in my brain.

You can hammer away at something until it's closer to what you imagined or you can let it be, but part of that is knowing the difference. If I'm getting frustrated I'll step away for a couple hours or overnight and I'll come back with fresh eyes. That usually lets me either figure out what's wrong or helps me realize that it's actually fine and I was just tired and cranky.

Environments for me are important to have even if they're not my favorite part of creating. I just love the feeling of having my ideas fully realized in color and place. I also love rendering light on my characters and it feels weird to not have an environment to reflect it. It's more work but it's almost always worth it to me. I limit myself to spending 1-2 days on it because even if I'm not a master painter, I don't have to be to make an immersive and reasonably decent environment. I just don't want to pick at it! Anything I have after those 1-2 days will always get the job done and anything new I can learn in that time period is A+ with me. Unless they're in a very specific setting, I just want it to be filled out enough to not attract attention to itself by either having too much or too little, but to complete the feeling of the piece. I'll add important props but that's mainly what I go for.

[invinciblerodent]

Okay I feel like my experience of DAI might be a bit.... I guess I could say unique? because my main Inquisitor is a human who is a devout Andrastian, AND pro-mage/pro-elf (it's a long story, he goes through some Character Development), but since last night's post, i've been mentally pacing up and down, thinking about how the "truth vs. lies" narrative throughline applies to Vivienne and her personal quest.

Because... well, hers is the only one (iirc) where you can choose to lie to her. Not tell her to keep up a lie (Blackwall), or lie because she's asking you to lie (Sera), or to conceal what she's discovered (Cassandra), but just straight up lie to her face when she's expecting the truth, and whether she's lying to you or not in general is not even the focal point at that juncture: she just comes to you requesting help, and you can either give it, or deny her.

And regardless of what you do, the facts, the events, don't change, which is what gets me. Nothing tangible happens if you decide to screw her over: whether you give her the heart of a snowy wyvern or just a regular gurgut, her formula will always fail, and Bastien dies. The only difference your lie makes is in her feelings about you, and in her knowing that you're not above stabbing her in the back.

Because if you do choose to accept her request (even though you can just turn it down, and nothing happens besides some approval loss), agree to help her, and then betray her, Vivienne knows. I don't think the game says when she finds out (be it while preparing the potion and she just forges on, hoping that it'll work anyway, or upon looking into it after it fails to see why it failed), but she tells you that much: that she is well aware of your deception, and she doesn't mince her words in voicing her contempt for you.

And man, Vivienne in general is just so fascinating to me.

I mean, she's simultaneously one of the most honest and caring companions, and also one of the ones with the clearest ulterior motives. She, like Bull, basically comes right out the gate and tells you the moment you meet her that she is in this for the power and the opportunity that you present, essentially admitting to you that you are little more than a stepping stone, and early on, her approval can swing wildly: maybe more than for any other companion. And what I keep noticing about that is that these swings are most affected by conversations, where you can lie, far more than your actions, which kind of leads me to believe that she either values your agreeing with her, or in other kinds of setups, you having the good sense to tell her what she wants to hear even if it's not true.

And like, I don't have the brain power at the moment to dissect her deep-seated fears and caution, how her general disapproval tends to boil down to risks and danger, and her whole Deal with why she, as a mage, is so opposed to mage freedom, I'd have to replay the game again to be able to articulate all my thoughts and feelings on that, but it just..... It generally fascinates me how her approval can be maxed out through pretty much conversation alone, while making all the "good" but risky choices that she disapproves of (mage alliance with full freedom, allied wardens, etc.), and before you'd even talk about Bastien's family with her.

And, if she sees an ally in you, man, she's so kind. If she likes you, she's one of the only people to ask you if you're alright after Haven, she offers advice and tries to help the best way she can, and she approves of helping the people of Haven, and of you "yes, and"-ing her, and not wallowing in empty platitudes but letting her have her space to mourn how she wants to, and I just......

Gaaah, I love Vivienne and I keep thinking about her. She makes a terrible fucking Divine, but I just... I'm just looking at her with stars in my eyes, ready to agree with whatever she says and then fuck off to do the exact opposite, knowing that I got a good grade in agreeing with her anyway.