#baby headcanons hohohoho

[7ndipity]

Just found your blog and LOVE your bts headcanons so much… after having watched Are You Sure?!, I need all your NSFW headcanons for OT7 as your boyfriend… please please please 🔥

Random NSFW Headcanons

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: Random spicy headcanons about the members

Warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, unprotected sex(don’t do this), breeding kinks, mentions of edging, oral(m. & f. receiving), bondage, sensory deprivation, dom/sub dynamics, somnophilia, voyeurism, idk there’s a bunch of stuff lol

A/N: You want my hcs? I’ll give ‘em, hehehe😈 Hope you like them!

Masterlist

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Jin:

Okay, I’m gonna make some of y’all real happy by saying, although I still think he’s mostly switch/sub leaning, he does have a dom streak in him. Like as much as he loves letting you lead him like a puppy on a leash(sometimes literally), nothing quite gets him off the same as taking control and pounding into you until you’re his empty headed baby, only able to whimper is his name.

He’s also a big fan of sensory deprivation, both giving and receiving. Blindfolds, handcuffs, etc. He loves the heightened sensitivity that they create, turning even the lightest touches insanely intense.

Has a major thing for cumming in you that it’s bordering on a breeding kink. Like tell him that you want him to cum in you, and he’ll propose on the spot💍

Yoongi:

He’s definitely into bondage and shibari(he’s been tied up/handcuffed wayy too many times in music videos to not be, lol) tho it would take a bit of coaxing to get him to admit it. There’s just something about trying out different knots and restraint styles, both on him and you, that intrigues and excites him.

Lowkey into angry sex, but not when he’s angry with you. It’s more those days when he comes home frustrated from the studio and he just wants to scream, so he makes it his mission to make you scream instead, hehe.

Has recorded himself getting off for you and thought about sneaking it into the background sounds of one of his Agust D tracks(might have actually done it, but he won’t admit it bc he’s a menace and likes to fuck with your head, so you’re just sat listening to every little detail on his demos, lol)

Hobi:

This boy is a certifiable freak, you cannot convince me otherwise. Like except for a relatively small list of hard no’s, he’s open to playing around and testing out pretty much any sort of kink/scenario that you might be interested in.

Lowkey very into the idea of watching you fuck one of his friends rapline whats up?, guiding them on just how to touch you, watching the way your face scrunches up in pleasure, just to turn around and fuck you into oblivion afterwards.

Man adores having his head between your thighs and actively begs you to ride his face. And don’t even think of arguing that you’re too heavy or whatever, bc he’ll spend the next hour worshiping your body and showering you with so much praise that you won’t be able to think, let alone remember any of your insecurities🫠

Namjoon:

Although we’ve established he’s definitely more of a daddy dom, he definitely has a weakness for you taking the lead or being on top(“pro rider, hohohoho rider” I had to, I'm sorry). Something about him being under you, watching the way your body moves on top of his, feeling the way you take him so perfectly, just makes his brain go hazy🤤

Idk if he’s fully aware that it’s a kink/thing, but he’s definitely into temperature play. Ice cubes, hot wax, even just blowing cool air over his skin makes him tingly in all the right ways. 

He loves to tease you at the worst moments. Like you could be on phone with a friend or whoever, and he’ll let his hands start to ghost along your arms, down your sides, across your chest, between your thighs… seeing just how long it takes before your voice and focus start to waver, quickly hanging up and giving him your full attention

Jimin:

*cough*ropebunny*cough* Sorry, what?

No but fr, he loves being tied up in different pretty styles of shibari, but he treats it like an art form, with different silk ropes and ribbons. He wants to feel pretty and treasured, caressed with soft voices and sweet words, regardless of if you’re teasing and edging him to tears.

Lowkey into semi-public sex, teasing you at dinner with his friends with his hand creeping along your thigh under the table till you’re squirming and begging him to find an excuse for you both to be excused for a minute. Dude will fully have you shaking and seeing stars and then walk out of the bathroom like nothing happened.

Definitely the biggest fan of aftercare out of all the members, like he treats it as more of a sensual spa night for the two of you; candlelit baths together, gentle massages to work out any tense muscles, cuddling in bed that might turn into cockwarming or a very sleepy round two... 

Taehyung:

Definitely into taking photos of the two of you, both on his phone and on his retro film cameras. Man turned his guest room into his own studio/darkroom and learned how to develop film by himself so that no one else but you would see his artwork.

Loses his goddamn mind every time you go down on him. Like if you ever wanna make his mind go completely blank, all you have to do is let him feel your warm, wet mouth close around his length, and he’s absolute putty in your hands.

Feel like he’s very into lingerie, both for you and himself. He loves feeling like a pretty present for you to open and play with, and vice versa. You literally came home on your birthday to him waiting for you in some pretty little silk number with a bow on his head as your gift.

Jungkook:

Although I’ve said before he’s a dom leaning switch, when he subs, he lets go completely. He loves letting his mind shut off and being at your mercy, letting you take control and turning him into a needy whining mess. 

For the similar reason, he has a major dumbifacation kink, both giving and receiving. He loves the idea of being fucked to the point that your mind goes completely blank and all you can think and focus on is how you make each other feel.

Definitely has a thing for somnophilia, again both giving and receiving. The thought of touching and teasing each other, your bodies reacting purely out of instinct, seeing how long it takes for you to wake up so that you can fuck each other properly, the whole thing makes him crazy. His favorite way to wake up, 5 stars, highly recommend🤭

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @feminympho @classicalelephant @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @comingupwithacoolnameishard @bo0ghol @universal-travel-er @k4ngelz

[trashiewrites]

Hello💗💗💗, I was wondering if you could write headcanons about König, (fluffy and spicy), I haven't seen to much of him, so I would really appreciate it.

Kiss, kiss👄

OH HOHOHOHO ANON THX FOR FREEDOM! Alright, I read Wikipedia. Now let's get to this! IM SORRY IF I BUTCHERED HIM VERY LIMITED INFO

WARNING AFTER THE FLUFFY IS SOME SPOICY AND DOES MENTION KINK NOT IN SPECIFIC BUT YEAG

ALSO READER IS FEMALE

We Gonna start sweet~

Meeting: 

+You met him on a mission and he caught your attention! You knew he wasn't very chatty but that was no biggie. 

+ You accidentally scared him off cause he isn't used to such attention. Poor baby needed a minute. 

+You didn't know but you thought he just didn't like you. 

+When you stopped talking to him, he would search you out. Cause he liked to listen and no one talks to him. 

+ you got the hint after a bit of him making very subtle hints. 

Relationship:

 +Definitely a friends before lovers thing going on here. 

+Not even being his closest friend, you barely saw him without his face covered. EVEN DATING, IT TOOK HIM A YEAR! Then again, I do not blame him. 

+ If he shows you his face, you are under oath to not tell a single soul. If he shows you his face, HE TRUSTS YOU WITH HIS LIFE! YOU COULD NEVER BREAK THAT!!

+You really get him to reach the limits of his comfort zones when it comes to PDA. He really likes it but he's much too scared to initiate it himself. 

+ Bubbly GF with tall intimidating BF All the way. Sir scared men away for miles and not a single soul knows he's such a sweetheart. 

+very much a gentleman, the Gentlest of man's ever FR FR!

+YOU TWO ALSO HAVE POKE BATTLES! POKING EACH OTHER RAPIDLY TILL SOMEONE CANT TAKE IT. Mainly you, cause this man plays a dirty poke game...

+he loves to listen to you talk about your day while he does his various hobbies.

+Once you finish he like to show you what he did. Most of the time its really cool and he’s so proud of himself when you like what he did.

Comforting:

+Comforting each other was def a challenge for both of you. König has to reach out of his comfort zone to be there for you when you needed him most and you comfort König without overwhelming him and making it worse.

+It took a few months to get it down for both of you.  

+When he is stressed he realized soft reassuring touch helps him a lot. Touch is huge for him and luckily you saw no problem with that. 

+The best way to calm him down is in a private place, remove his helmet, and rub his head. Running your fingers through his hair. 

+for you, he tries his best to be ideal but, in the happenstance where he can't, he will still be with you the entire time. Listening intently to all your issues, he knows he can't fix all your issues and cure all your pain. But he wishes to help you love your scars and carry your baggage. 

+You two rely on each other, and to him, he can't see it any other way. He is overjoyed by having someone willing to understand and learn how to help him. 

+In turn, he is your forever, he hasn't told you yet but it's in his head already. He isn't leaving and is def ready to kill for you.

OKAY OKAY

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NOW ITS TIME FOR SOME RANDOM SPICY SHIT

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LOOK AWAY CHILDREN

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BEGONE NOW

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OKAY, they should be gone

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I REPEAT NO KIDS! NADA YOU HAVE HAD PLENTY WARNING FROM THIS POINT.

Okay spicy time:

X König I could see as a switch.. but I'm more leaning to a bottom. If he had to dom he’d be the softest dom ever.

X being dom scared him cause he doesn’t want to hurt you and that terrifies him. You reassured him that's its okay and he can try if he wants.

X HE DID WANT TOO

X Surprisingly, he handles himself well. I mean r e a l well. Like you were screaming in pleasure well. That surprised you alot.

X “are you sure you never done this?” He only nodded back.

X when you top, he melt. By the end of the night he’s so high of bliss that it takes him a minute to move.

X and if you wanna know, yes, he is packin’. A real good balance of length and girth.

X about kinks though, he has some he wants to do. But he doesn’t tell you till you asked him. What chocked you most is how much he wanted to try. Like a list…

X NOT THAT YOU WERE AGAINST IT!

X You went through marking all the ones you didnt feel comfy with and he was very hap. He now refers to his “To do list of Sexy time things” when he feels spicy.

[rhymingteelookatme]

Chapgone Pregnancy/Extra Parenting Headcanons

My friends are the gift that keeps on giving, y’all. Under the cut!

~Pregnancy section~

-After some suspicious bouts of morning sickness and other well known signs, Antigone and Eric decide they have to know once and for all whether they’re going to be parents. Off to Dr. Edgware it is. Rudyard, hiding his sincere worry under obnoxious certainty that Chapman has poisoned his sister, insists on coming along to the hospital as well.

-Much like the line in s2 e8, Edgware comes in post-tests and announces smth like “It’s serious, I’m afraid. You’re going to have a baby.”

Antigone goes a bit woozy. Eric sits bolt upright as though electrified. Rudyard reels and clutches at the nearest bit of furniture.

Before anyone can say anything, Edgware squints at the machines and his clipboard again and corrects himself- “Ah, my mistake. You’re going to have two babies.” 

A, very softly: “Oh... my goddd...”  Eric, with dawning ecstatic joy: “Two? I- that’s- that’s incredible! Amazing!”  Rudyard, losing what little color was in his face to begin with: “Now... look... heeee....” (doesn’t finish the word, falls to the ground in a dead faint)

Rudyard stays down there, whether genuinely unconscious or not, far longer than he has any right to. Georgie has to come get him. “Come on sir, we’ve got bodies to get in the ground...”  R: “Oh, Georgie, hello. I had the strangest hallucination. Dr. Edgware said my sister was having Chapman’s babies, of all things.”  G: “I know, sir, now up you get. We’re going to be late.”

-The CDC expressly recommends not handling formaldehyde while pregnant. Antigone’s response is to haul out her allergy suit and get right back to work. She makes a point of carrying on as normally as possible as long as she can; she does love her work, after all. (It’s got nothing to do with Rudyard’s griping that Chapman clearly had a long-term plan to hamstring Funn Funerals by taking their mortician out of action. No indeed.)

-Of course Eric offers to take over when she’s eventually bedridden. She furiously refuses, a full “How daaaare you!” and everything. He responds by doing every single chore around the place, whether he’s asked or not. Reshingles the roof! Replaces the rotting windowsills! Unclogs the kitchen pipes! On and on and on. 

-She hate hate hates when she’s too pregnant to do much but sit in bed, stewing, and eat the fruit Eric brings her daily.  Eric: “Look, if you don’t want the grapes-” Antigone (angrily munching): “No, they’re mine! Get your own.”  Rudyard (down the hall): “Grapes?! Share, for Christ’s sake!” Antigone (hollers back): “I’ll share when you grow humans in your body, Rudyard!” 

-There are also daily foot rubs and other such loving gestures. He holds her hair back when she vomits; at one point she’s actually diagnosed with hyperemesis. A twin pregnancy would be hard on anyone, let alone someone like Antigone. 

-The hormone-fueled conversations are. Hoo boy. Antigone hormonal is angry one minute, laughing the next, crying seconds later. Sample Convo 1: Eric: "Do you want more butter on your toast?"  Antigone (snarling): "WHY? IS IT BECAUSE YOU THINK I’M UGLY?" E (beat): "No--what? Antigone, what--" A: "YOU HATE ME, DON’T YOU?! JUST SAY IT-  NO, DON’T EVEN SPEAK TO ME, I’M GOING DOWN TO THE MORTUARY, GOODBYE"

Sample Convo 2:  Eric: “I wonder if they’ll look more like me or you...” :) Antigone: “WONDER??? YOU HOPE THEY LOOK LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU SEE ME AS A FRAUD OF A WOMAN CONSISTING OF DUST AND SPIDERS AND YOU ARE GOD’S GIFT TO THE ISLAND AND I DON’T SEE WHY I EVEN THOUGHT CARRYING YOUR SPAWN* WAS A CONCEIVABLE IDEA--” E (firmly calm): “Would you like a piece of toast??” A: “….yes.”

*it’s always “spawn” when she’s feeling extra irritable, at least up til about halfway through the third trimester. Rudyard just calls them that as a matter of course,** up to the very day they’re born (at which point, as previously discussed, he changes course to “...they may be spawn, but they’re Funns now.”). The rest of the townsfolk call them things like “Eric’s little angels.”

**That and “the seed Chapman planted in my sister.” Georgie does a spit take the first time she hears that one. G, laughing: “Sir! You can’t call them that.” R, prim: “I think you’ll find it’s accurate.”

-Toast isn’t always the answer. But it often helps a great deal.

-When it’s quiet at night, they doze off together. 

-The first time Antigone feels a little foot kick from inside her, she freezes. It’s an ordinary night, they’re lying there in the dim stillness of the house and then- tiny kick. She goes stock-still, holds her breath- and feels it again. Eric (sleepy): “ ‘ntigone? What is it?”  A: -stays silent and rigid- Eric (waking, frowning): “Antigone? What’s-” She grabs his hand and puts it on her stomach. They both feel the next kick. Then two. Eric helps her sit up, turns on the bedside light, then goes right back to following the in-utero movements of their kids, oh heavens, their children, being alive and safe and well. He loses the ability to say much but “oh my god, oh my god” and the like for a minute there. Looks at her with his eyes shining like a couple of stars.  And Antigone can’t say a word while he’s babbling away; she just clings tight to him, her head somewhere between nodding and shaking with equal parts affirmation and disbelief. E: “Antigone, are you all right? Talk to me.”  A: “I... I... they’re real. They’re ours. They’re real.” (beat) “God, of course they are, I’m just...”  E: “Happy?” A (whispers, watery): “Yes.” She climbs into his lap and gives him the softest most tender kiss. Rests her head on his shoulder. E (kisses her hair, whispers back): “Antigone Funn, brilliant once again.” 

-Within the week, Eric’s acquired a specialized tiny sound system with speakers and microphone, for the sole purpose of talking to the little ones as directly as possible. He tells them all his silly life advice, sings to them, reads them stories, etc. Rudyard fights to be allowed to use it too, of course. Antigone finds the whole contraption ridiculous. “Babies can hear perfectly well in the womb! Why would you need all this?” But that’s Eric for you. Gotta have his gadgets. 

~Parenting section~

-Eric’s often the one to get up when one twin or the other starts fussing in the night. Or both, of course. He’s so warm and cozy and soothing, and also has the arm strength to hold the pair of them at the same time- they’re quite big babies, it turns out.

-Antigone is a very nervous mother. Constantly fears she’s going to drop whichever twin she’s holding. That double baby sling does help, however. She takes them right into the mortuary when she gets a bit more sure of herself, and talks to them all the time she’s working. Mostly, though, she’s extremely protective. 

-Lullabies are a bedtime staple. Antigone is too shy to sing when anyone besides her babies are in the room, but she has the softest, sweetest voice Eric’s ever heard.* Though the songs she sings are the same grim and morbid ones her own mother sang in her childhood. She doesn’t change a word of “Oh My Darling Clementine,” despite the fact that the title character trips into a river and drowns. 

*He tiptoes up just outside the door and listens.

-Even as toddlers, Clementine and Mortimer are incredibly mischievous and prone to hijinks. Their Auntie Georgie and Uncle Rudyard are delighted by this. Sometimes Rudyard starts to be upset when the joke is on him, but he just can’t keep it up when he hears those little giggles. 

-He makes sure to keep extra sherbet dip dabs in his pockets just for them. They love those dip dabs, messy as they are. 

-He’s almost as bad as they are, honestly, especially if they want to prank their father. He has told them many times over that he’ll be their alibi whenever they need him. “Remember, if anyone asks, you were with me all the time!” This never fools anyone, least of all Antigone.

-When the pranking (on others) leads to trouble, it’s still straight to Rudyard that the twins run seven times out of ten. Despite the fact that he maintains a stellar track record for making things worse, they still go to him. 

-The eighth time out of ten, Auntie Georgie is great at fixing things.

-The ninth time of ten, they go to Eric to help smooth things over with whoever’s upset at them this time.

-Antigone is the nuclear option. Some things no one but Maman can handle. It’s worth her stern talking-to’s, though they’d get those in the end anyway. 

[jackalsprey]

*leaves meat here*

Spicy Cars and Planes headcanonnnnnnns

Oh hohohoho! Thank you, my friendly Anon, this is the kind of thing I was made for! We'll do Planes first, since I have a LOT more Cars headcanons.

Planes

Ishani's bisexual with a preference for women. (She and Dusty DID date for a while, but broke up in between the movies) And she's a complete dom, she pegs everyone.

Ned and Zed have identical twin girlfriends. No one is able to tell each other apart, so they pretty much cheat on each other all the time.

You just KNOW Cabbie and Windlifter are friends with benefits. After Cabbie gets PTSD attacks from his war days, he has the unhealthy coping mechanism of having Wind fuck him senseless. Wind's tried to change it, but Cabbie is a stubborn ass.

Nick was the KINKIEST GUY to ever live. You make a mention of a kink and he's trying it. And he subjected Blade to plenty of them too. (There's a sex tape of their kinkiest session. It's been buried in Blade's off-limits box for thirty years.)

Ripslinger moonlights as a porn star. He wears a mask so no one knows who he is, but people have guessed. That sexy voice is hard disguise.

Cars

Speaking of pegging...LOUISE NASH IS A FUCKING DOM AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE MY MIND! She rode Doc like a champion stallion every time they fucked (and they did fuck, trust me) and he LOVED it.

Speaking of Doc, man was a horndog in his younger years, hooked up with every pretty girl he could get. Sheriff was his gay awakening

I don't have much to say on Flo and Ramone except, well...low and slow, baby. ;)

I know my friends don't agree, but I still firmly believe that Lightning and Sally are a happy, married couple with no kids. (Note to self, make angst hcs for Cars, I've got a lot of them.)They have a fairly active, but vanilla sex life, preferring fluff to smut. (Lightning does a thing for gym porn though.)

But don't think that just because Salqueen is still a thing here that my eternal love Lightnesco is nowhere to be found~! Lightning and Francesco slept with each other a LOT in the year after the WGP, so much so that Franny would visit him a ton in the US and they found themselves head over heels for each other. But alas, Lightning was dating Sally! Solution? POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP BAYBEE! The three fell in love with the idea (and each other) fast and soon, Franny moved to Radiator Springs. The three live together now in the Cozy Cones.

While Francesco is depicted as sort of someone who will sleep with anyone and everyone (he's got a weird fanbase), he's actually quite picky about who he fucks. Only the best will do. And, as he puts it, "If they're a-good enough to sleep with the great Francesco, he will a-make sure to give them the best time they've ever had!" Long story short, he is an artisan in the sheets.

[ff-chizuruleech]

Minestrone and Mashed potatoes?

HOHOHOHO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BABIES.

Welcome to my headcanon where Mashed is super jealous of Minestrone 'cause he's afraid Mines will leave him, but not as in "yandere "who's that bitch? Do i have to kill her?" jealous" but more like "gets all flooffy extra cuddly attached jealous"

[fandom-wars-imagine-blog]

May we please have some horrortale fluff headcanons for sans and papyrus?

(HOHOHOHO I LIKE YOUR PROFILE PIC OWO)

Sans: 

He likes to climb up the trees in Snowdin and appear right in front of his s/o upside down, like Spiderman. They know what they have to do, give him a kiss.

He loves to give them his jacket and hug them in their sleep like there’s no tomorrow.

Sometimes he and his s/o sit on the roof of his station (you know, where he sells is famous “head dogs”) and like to talk while watching the red sky, both their hands interlocked.

I know it’s not very fluffy, but if there’s any food, he gives them first (after his brother of course). 

One time he made a mistletoe with red and bloody eyes and placed it on top of their heads so he and they both had to kiss. It was kinda disgusting but cute.

He likes to tickle them by biting softly on their belly. But he kinda hurts sometimes. He apologizes but they know that he did that on purpose. 

He likes to leave little lovely puns on a paper under their pillow, so they can see them in the morning or when fixing the bed. 

Papyrus: 

Sometimes he places the meatballs on their spaghetti in the shape of a heart. 

If he is bigger than his s/o, he will carry them around Snowdin like a baby, placing his scarf around them.

He kisses their forehead as a “goodnight”.

Sometimes he falls asleep at the sound of his s/o’s voice if both are in bed. It makes him feel very proud because he is capable enough of protecting them so they can talk calmly.

He sometimes likes to sing for them. They even do duets together in the bathroom!

He kisses their hands and arms like a gentleman. 

He did this little pink apron for his s/o so they can cook together! He fanboys internally because they look so cute in them! He can’t help but hug them tightly from behind or pick them up and spin them around in happiness! (this last one is really cute believe me)

- mod sheep

[rhymingteelookatme]

Chapmigone Baby Headcanons pt. 2

Mostly as spun by the same group consensus, although I kind of got carried away at the end here. Under the cut.

-Herbert Cough runs the Thursday night movies a little softer, with better lighting in the house, so that if Antigone & Eric need to bring the babies they can. (The little ones later show an affinity for learning French. Antigone is pleased no end; she has them call her Maman.)

-Rudyard & Madeleine, Georgie & Jennifer, and Desmond & Nigel rotate babysitting duty.

-Clementine likes to hold Rudyard’s finger in her tiny hand.

-The only thing that always makes Mortimer laugh is hearing Rudyard scream, shout, or otherwise be audibly hurt. He teeths on R’s fingers every chance he gets.

-Georgie constantly plots ways to make Mortimer laugh. Jennifer lets the babies babble on mic for Piffling FM’s exclusive baby chat hour.

-Mayor Desmond misses no chance to tell the twins how much their parents have done for the community, and how their uncle Rudyard’s archive was the final stroke to make the village a town. The kids can quote the whole story by heart by the age of four if not sooner.

-Mortimer’s first word is “Mama.” Clementine legit waits to speak until she can form a proper sentence, and then her first sentence is “Uncle, where is Madeweine?” (She’s cross that she couldn’t say Madeleine’s name right. It spoils the achievement a bit for her.)

-Clementine, it later transpires, thinks that all mice are called Madeleine. This melts everyone’s hearts, though Antigone can’t help gently correcting her. Clementine insists.

-Both twins alternate between chatting pure gibberish and being creepy quiet. They’ve got plenty of influence for both behaviors.

-Despite Eric’s best efforts to get the babies to call him Papa, it doesn’t work; it’s all “Chapman” this and “Chapman!” that. Well, more like “Cha’ah!” But you get the idea. (Rudyard, triumphant: “There, you see! I knew they were Funns!”)

-Mortimer says “Now look hewe!” all the dang time. Answering the toy phone, dropping his toy and being cross, etc. Clementine takes to the embalming kit and practices on all her stuffed animals.

-Agatha Doyle slips the twins free sweeties when they’re older. She’s made them specially because Mortimer has a peanut allergy. And they don’t have too much sugar. “They’re bad for your health- but I think you two will be fine,” she beams as she hands them over.

-The circus is a favorite family outing. Lady Templar walks the tightrope and flies on the trapeze; Marlene is ringmistress as ever. Behind the scenes, the whole circus knows the baby twins. Even the animals- Marlene blithely introduces them to the elephants, the lions, everyone. “Do not fret, Chap-man. No animal of mine is going to hurt a child.”

-Herbert starts screening children’s movies as the twins get bigger. Antigone insists on final approval of the chosen films. They won’t be just watching any old thing. Got to be quality.

-Halloween birthday party locations are split between Funn Funerals and Chapman’s. They switch off every other year. Kids knock at FF for candy and are met only with Antigone’s bloodcurdling (recorded) screech of “GET OUT!!” Despite the fact that there’s never any candy, they keep trying; clearly Chapman has put on a haunted house. Then it becomes a yearly local dare- how long can you stand on the Funns’ doorstep? Georgie happily contrives new scares to frighten them off every time. She’s great at that.

-Lady Templar gets a little army of children together to throw eggs and TP at both funeral homes. Especially Chapman’s, but as he’s now a sort of honorary Funn, they get in for it as well. Marlene grudgingly joins her in a two-person horse costume, as long as they can dress up as each other underneath and M doesn’t have to stay the whole time.

-Clementine always wants to have a scary costume- something bloody or furry or gory, or all of the above. Mortimer likes to be a sheet ghost, purely because it’s the simplest costume there is.

-Antigone and Eric go all out with couple’s costumes every year. And indulge Clementine’s increasingly theatrical wishes.

-Rudyard, if he dresses up at all, will repeat his sherbet-faced ghost look- or put on a pair of desultory vampire fangs. He takes great delight in telling scary stories, though. Especially that of the Piffling Witch, and the Sinister Sherbet.

-Eric makes up stories about Spectre Detective Inspector Kojak Holmes that get wilder with each successive tale. Antigone reads aloud short Gothic classics from Poe and such- when she’s not spinning mad scientist yarns.