#b) parents will be pissed I know it
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sepiasys · 16 days ago
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I love trauma! I love being traumatized!
#sepiasys.txt#I love that B has basically just reconfirmed(?) that he has made himself a father figure to me!!#(is tired and annoyed/pissed off)#Things were fine when we went out but then it came time to get stuff to buy from target and yeah that was a trigger ig idfk#fucking awful experience. tempting to never go outside again despite knowing WE DO LIKE OUTSIDE!!#Motherfucker says he's responsible for us; not the first time.#coming to the conclusion that he basically acts like a parent to me felt like it was a completely new realization; but also like I should've#already come to this realization? Completely unfamiliar but logically makes sense enough that I should've already known.#So anyways I DON'T WANT A PARENT I WANT A FRIEND??#Specifically I want someone who is fine with us going in two different directions and meeting back up. He doesn't like when I'm separated :/#Bro got me feeling like a little kid again which was so fucking unpleasant. I felt too tall in the store.#On the walk home in familiar territory was fine ig. I want to punch him. but I've already fucking hurt him enough. whatever.#He told me that my saying this felt similar to back home hurt him. like it was rude/mean. That pissed me off more.#Like yeah I'm not considerate half the time of how others might feel; I dont think about it. BUT DUDE I AM/WAS LITERALLY HAVING AN AWFUL#TIME HERE AND YOU INTERPRET ME EXPRESSING MY PAIN AS BEING RUDE TO YOU!?#Like fuck I get you are the reason I'm here and I'm grateful for it; still rather be here than home; BUT ARE YOU FUCKING FR? ARE YOU KIDDING#Motherfucker saying he just wants to protect me and shit and thats not the first time either but THAT FEELS OVERPROTECTIVE AT A POINT DUDE#I know I'm traumatized and ik you are too but like fuck dude my needs and your needs do not fucking align if thats the case FUCK#I'm so pissed off and yet I can only express it as if lukewarm instead of fuming. Whatever. fuck this shit. fuck everything. 19 pizza rolls.
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dayz-ina-daze · 5 months ago
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I THOUGHT I HAD A CAVITY BUT IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE ITS FADING SINCE IVE BEEN BRUSHING LIKE FIVE TIMES A DAY NOW AAHHH
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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months ago
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other day i was like "yeah virtually all my dreams are defined by anxiety / every goal/hope being Thwarted, but at least i never really have nightmares" but it's like well what's the baseline what's the reaction, b/c i also then have to be like "but does it count if yeah i had a fairly typical dream sequence that was like, 'uh oh, i'm on The Horrors Street and the monster is probably after me, which i'm staving off by hand but it's kind of difficult b/c it can dissolve its own corporeal form in a somewhat gory manner as it tries to gnash at My corporeal form' but i was like 'i mean this is some bullshit but typical tuesday' level reaction so it wasn't a big deal?" like i don't even know when In Real Life it's also typical to have stress reactions like, just now going "smh obviously this sucks. i know i'm stressed. i know this is unpleasant bullshit & somewhat alarming. but typical tuesday (on a thursday)" and only due to noting some physical tremors is it like oh right i guess i'm also having an adrenal response. i tend to bring the like "smoke grenade! disassociation!!" response to a dream in that i can kind of Respond to it by withdrawing / distancing myself, sometimes even like [pushing things into being: as though it's a video game. pausing, exiting, etc] & like it's My psyche & it's brief sequences melding into each other anyways so okay, we'll pivot. other times it's just like yeah this is bullshit but shrug guess we're doing this, until it pivots anyways. Outliers are usually like, "just had an unpleasant Worldwide Peril scenario premise :/" or that like yeah once in a blue moon like sometime the past year my dream was so stressful i woke myself up b/c often when Urgently Confronted w/ Alarming Dream enemy i launch into fight mode & that one was just so [!!!] >:((( that it pushed the urgency into "oh shit, wake up maybe??" response levels. get their ass!! but mostly it's like "ugh i'm at this Job & im not sure what i'm doing, didn't get enough training for this. thinking about getting food but can i afford it" like yeah thee horrors but not as urgent. but then sometimes it's urgent or at least threatening & it's still like literally zzz / well this isn't ideal clearly but it doesn't even occur to me like Do i have nightmares i just shrug off? idek man. call that nightmarinating
#like child me was really fdring it often Worried About Nightmares but i don't particularly remember Getting them#beyond the zany Very Young nightmares a couple of times still being memorable. you are skinamarenough fr#going like oh i've definitely had that bit! in a work that exists via crowdsourced ''unsettling memorable childhood nightmares''#was it a nightmare then? i guess!#presumably also already like ''again my Standard is that traumatic levels of stress is mundane / fairly literally Everyday so like...?''#on occasional alarming car crash near misses i don't think i had a ''big'' reaction b/c. typical tuesday#tending to be more Moved by like shit that's more conceptually disturbing to me that tends to not exactly be [stressful alarming] style....#like the Worldwide Peril dreams being more unsettling but never like [aa!!] at any exact moment#it's like well yeah it All ''interferes'' but also it's still Usual it's still Typical. starting to see limits to any metric of Disruption#even if that Disruption is made individual like is it in Your way / throwing You off by Your standards#not really; not really....#one fun stress dream thing is like; ppl asking ppl who've already gone nc w/parents like Any Regrets (chorus of No's from the house)#(bonus: Ugh Every Time re: whom regrets trying to get back in touch lol)#anyways when i first went nc i sometimes had stress dreams like aaugh parent; i would physically fight them off w/like a shovel#nowadays usually my dream self readily is like Well [Tells You Off] Then & perhaps then also physically fights off just more handily#like yeah i know i've Leveled Up in these nc years but it's definitely fun that organically my Dream Encounters have shifted likewise....#basically just Getting Through It & dreams eff off into another thread readily enough#only exceptions are like ''i get so Suddenly & Proximately Alarmed i get pissed off & leap into action. just like real life also''#harangued by like ''im Slowly Driving but the brakes work Incrementally Gradually & i can't get the damn thing to a full stop'' like woes#abt ''if i get ticketed for an inexorably rolling nonstop. or hit anyone'' but i never actually do. keep having the dreams here&there But#it is not a mystery like wow can't believe i virtually never have an okay time or am not overtly sabotaged from pursuing that#i got it yeah lmao....that the school dreams continue for me as for anyone like i'm sure that's fine & necessary for us all#yeah yeah The Horrors we've all been incessantly beset#thee best is the way i sometimes dream abt Performing & have so much fun even the invariable thwarting doesn't get in the way#i'm missing rehearsal missing cues don't know my lines can't find my costume etc etc etc etc Still like ''oh whee haha hoorayyy''#all these experiences you gotta compare notes like tbt ''hang on do some people take a dump like Daily? fr?''#except that one's more like. an inherent part of having a digestive system. vs thee the horrors levels & regularity varying
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mullets · 1 year ago
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im not joking but if one more relative in fucking bangladesh sits me down and warns me about the dangers of pride month and whatever the fuck since im moving to canada im going to kill myself im going to kill myself im going to kill myself
#literally im ok w being closeted till i die bc i love my parents and they dont bring up this shit#but what the fuck its literally so fucking annoying to pretend to be completely interested and ok when some bum fuck uncle is warning me abt#transgenders and drag queens and gay people like . im literally going to shoot myself#and it pisses me off even more when the relatives in question are so unreligious too like. genuinely why the fuck do u care#and sincerely leave me the FUCK alone gay ppl r not gonna kill me what the hell#sometimes i js wanna tell them i kissed a girl for the first time in the same house they were in just so they can freak out or whatever#anyway. anyway. i hate pride month im so sorry fellow lgbts but its so terrible for me#i wish they would continue to just be so ignorant and oblivious to everything pertaining to sexuality and gender#that way i can avoid their stupid lectures. like i literally am always the one forced to listen to this bc im too polite to tell them to#fuck off#and anger and frustration aside... its also just so hurtful lol#like to know sooo clearly that the love ur extended family have for u is so conditional even my cousins#how does who i love change what kind of person i am. if only they had any idea that the kind of derogatory terms they r using towards this#'faceless' force of lgbts applies to the same kid they literally raised. like. idk its so depressing#and if i lie and say im neutral to this kind of topics thats also problematic bc i gotta b violently against it#im genuinely so upset by this soz guys#praying i never return to bangladesh#hate it here lol
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catminecraft · 2 years ago
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people are so nice to me under my lion tango art i want you guys to know that this is my life line.
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liinos · 1 year ago
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saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!
#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go...#my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music#b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years#c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one#d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS#i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else...#i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like...#why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly#also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that#i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me#i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity...#my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice#or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me#my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit 😁#like haha you're not funny actually 😁 first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want#secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again 😁 and that one of us actually lived there before#also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD#worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home#and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane#like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space#anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again#not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school....#parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it#i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive'#which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know#he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no#and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :)#so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...
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autism-corner · 2 months ago
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lol
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mosspapi · 3 months ago
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Dude honestly idk if I can actually even keep fucking doing this. Like I'm still so exhausted and fatigued and in pain from yesterday there's almost no way I can do class tmrw, much less every other day for the next 8 months. Genuinely idk how I'm gonna do this
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kavehater · 5 months ago
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Hmmm I want people to yap to me about kaveh and alhaitham but I’m horrified of using the tags on here lest I attract the demon spawns - h//ik//veh fandom in the flesh
#dora daily#scary#they actually give me heart palpitations I mean I destroy their evidence all the time not cause of anything but because they’re usually so#disrespectful and rude about their opinions talking about them as fact when they’re not. and on top of that they’re rude to opposite povs#9.99 times out of ten. it pisses me off because how can you be that rude and be wrong their fans are one of two things. a) white#or b) whitewashed to some capacity. it’s always screaming I want rep for these cultures boohoo but you all are racist and make racist jokes#about said rep (see yunjins singing and alhaithams wife beater allegations) and you’re also racist by stereotyping swana people don’t give#me Arabs are brown too listen they’re 50-50 they’re not all white sure but not all brown your stereotypes hurt my head in fact I’d say Arabs#are more olive skinned that’s not rlly brown yk#like my parents are the most perfect example my dad is a brown Arab my mum is as pale as a Russian and even has coloured eyes and blondeness#on her side of the family. yall barking up the wrong tree and show how painfully ignorant you are#waaa waa waa we want rep but you can’t handle it and you stupidly interpret it however you wish ! what’s they point of rep if YOU take#creative liberty when you are a mere outsider. pathetic.#not judging the ones who genuinely do not know but I judge the ones who are disgustingly ignorant and arrogant and are basically#entertaining themselves in one of our only rep and once again colonising like what yall do best clearly#you don’t even listen to the swana voices you claim to uphold . . . it reeks of Taylor swift being in a feminist !!! but she just supports#white women#gosh . . .#their fandom DNI if this somehow gets in tags ok like I srsly can’t with yall at all if you don’t shut up for a sec and behave and treat#others with respect for once I have never seen yall be respectful
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redsray · 6 months ago
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i love the trope of Bruce's kids being yoinked by different parent figures in their lives, and the kids knowing full well and using it to their advantage when they've got any problems with him.
Tim, pissed at Bruce: That's it, I'm staying with Shiva for the week. Cass is now my official sister 2/3 of the way.
Cass, grinning: Baby brother.
Jason, annoyed with Bruce (more than usual): 'Kay I'm gonna go bunker up with Talia for a bit before I put a bullet through you. Cya.
Damian: Say hi to her for me.
Jason, with finger guns on the way out: Will do.
Dick, needing a break from Bruce (again): If anyone needs me I'll be in Kansas.
Tim, nodding: Understandable.
Steph: Kansas?
Dick: I need Uncle Clark therapy.
Duke: Alright I'm gonna go crash at Jeff's for a bit.
Cass: B?
Duke: ... A bit overbearing. I'll tell Anissa you said hi.
Cass, grinning: Good. Bring back Grace's cookies.
Duke, laughing: Got it.
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imperial-evolution · 1 year ago
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#anyways i'm fucking sick to death of being in this house#i tried to have a moment of working class solidarity with my mum and she just has to turn it into a fucking pissing competition#like. yes as a student i am in a MASSIVE place of privilege not in the least bc my parents are able to support me if i'm in dire need of $$#however i shouldn't have to feel *sick* with worry bc a haircut was more expensive than I thought it would be (about a 5th of my rent. btw.#i shouldn't have to continue with my degree with the knowledge i'm hundred of thousands of dollars in debt with absolutely no job prospects#as a student i am massively privileged to recieve money from the government just so i can live. but that is money i have to pay back.#sure it's an interest free loan (unless you want to hope the ditch to better pay and working conditions in which case FUCK YOU) but it is a#albatross around my neck that is gonna haunt me for at least a decade#NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT WINZ IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO FUCK OVER ANY STUDENT NOT CURRENTLY STUDYING BC *FUCK THEM* AMIRITE LADIES????#like. you don't fucking know me. you don't know my financial situation. and every time I bring up money you either a) implicitly belittle m#(ONCE IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FUCKING FLAT. NO I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT. I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU FOR IT. HOW DARE YOU???)#or b) ignore every point i'm actually making in favour of trying to suggest i am complaining that other people make money#like. no actually. i'm not a fucking liberal like you. i'm not complaining about hairdressers i'm complaining that $40 should not be fuckin#nail biting to spend#i honestly fucking hate my mother sometimes#she just has no fucking clue#no clue at all#shes so MASSIVELY unempathetic and she really just goes out of her way to invalidate the struggles of anyone she percieves as being even#mildly better of than her#what a fucking bitch#un-imp-ortant
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livbedum · 1 month ago
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maybe next time?
black cat!reader x jj maybank
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summary four times jj maybank asked you out , and the one time you finally said yes
warnings pining , rejection , simp!jj , ex!rafe , profanity.
18+ minors dni
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one it was the night after you’d run into each other for the first time. rafe was throwing another party , and so obviously , you were there despite breaking up the night before. it was coming towards the end of the party , and a lot of people were leaving , but just as many were lingering in the house.
you were sitting on the kitchen counter by yourself , sipping on your last drink of the night. your eyes followed the line out the door , waiting to see if any of your friends were going to stop and grab you. the answer was no , so you slid off the countertop and dumped your drink out. you knew it was dumb , but you might as well take advantage and crash in rafe’s room. get something out of the night.
you turned the corner , about to ditch the closing hour when you run into someone. thankful you dumped your drink out , you still cursed. “can you watch where the fuck you’re going? jesus!” you huffed , straightening your all too short dress for the millionth time that night before looking up at who was in your way. “oh! sorry!”
jj was smiling at you , waiting for you to be done accosting him. “that’s my bad , but there is a bright side,” he replied , leaning against the wall , somehow blocking your path more.
your eyes looked for rafe anywhere shortly before tilting your head to the side. “what’s the bright side? this is a pretty shit party , jj”
that took him by surprise. he truly didn’t expect you to know his name. he cleared his throat , getting back to business. he had planned this for twenty-four hours at this point. can’t back out now. “bright side is you could leave with me,” he suggested , keeping his cool, “y’know , ditch the cameron’s mansion and kick it poguie style for the rest of the night.”
he noticed your eyes flickering else where. rafe appeared behind him , at the top of the stairs— right where you were headed. his blue eyes were easily recognizable as beyond pissed off. “i’m sorry. i gotta go,” you rushed out , watching rafe head to his bedroom, “maybe next time?” you didn’t mean it. you just didn’t want to be mean to jj.
jj turned , eyes following your frame as you skipped steps to make it upstairs faster. how could he forget that you were rafe’s girlfriend? he knew you guys were on and off , the whole island heard your arguments sometimes , but how did he forget? fucking idiot.
two it was about a month later. a month of catching your eye in public , a month of ranting to pope and john b. that’s where jj was at the moment. he called an emergency meeting with the boys at the chateau.
“dude , your little girlfriend is single now. just text her!” pope groaned , wishing the couch he laid on would swallow him whole. granted , he liked you ; you were always nice to him whenever he dropped groceries off at your house , but he was tired of hearing about you. in the nicest way.
jj rolled his eyes. “okay , first of all , she’s not my little girlfriend. second of all , your little girlfriend doesn’t exist. and third of all , i don’t have her number , nimrod!” they had exhausted all ideas to not get him rejected this time.
“i have her number,” john b piped up , swinging his phone in front of jj’s face.
“i’d kill someone for that number , bird shit. give it,” jj threatened , holding his hand out.
hey
who is this?
jj maybank
you can call me your next boyfriend if you want though
i’m okay! thx tho! maybe next time <3
three a week later , you ran into jj at the wreck. you were getting dinner with your parents before they left town for a week. something to do with work. “y/n?”
you closed your eyes and took a deep breath whenever whenever you put the voice to who it was. “y/n , do you know that boy?” your mother asked , nodding to jj who was walking towards your table. you nodded and put a smile on your face.
this was not happening.
“hey , y/n! i thought that was you,” jj smiled , grabbing a seat and sitting down. at the table. with your parents. “do you mind?” he asked , referring to him sitting.
your dad waved him off , standing to go get the bill , and your mother followed behind. what the hell? “hi , jj,” you state , trying your hardest to keep the blush from surfacing on your cheeks, “what can i do for you today?”
“a date. just one,” he answered prepared , like he was certain this was the time you were going to say yes.
you grimace , taking a deep breath before shaking your head. “me and rafe , like , just got back together,” you explained , feeling bad for jj at this point.
jj let his head drop to the table , being dramatic as always. “when are you gonna give me a chance? you’ve given cameron like fifty!” it was a joke. you knew that , and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing a little bit.
“well , maybe next time?” you suggested , catching the eyes of your parents who looked ready to leave, “gotta go. parents waiting on me. see ya around , j!” you bid him goodbye , standing up and squeezing his shoulder before you left.
four you and sarah had plans to go to the beach and watch the baby sea turtles hatch. lo and behold , jj was on the beach with his friends , surfing. “oooh , your boyfriend is here!” sarah laughed at you , using her little singy song voice she always did when she teased you about jj.
she was the only one that you admitted to about liking jj a little bit. “shut up! he’ll hear you and come over—“
“john b!” she was already calling her secret lover over and waving the other boys over too.
“you’re dead. you’re so dead,” you whispered , plastering a smile on your face as they all arrived, “hey , guys!” they all stood above you and sarah as you were both lounging in the sand.
“y/n , you wanna go on a date?” jj asked , scratching his head like the idea just came to him.
everyone laughed , looking to you , waiting for you to finally say yes. sarah had been talking to john b about the whole situation , giving him intel on ways jj could convince you , and he was bitching about how jj wouldn’t shut the hell up about you.
“no , jj,” you sighed , standing up and brushing yourself off before picking your bag off the ground and walking away. you heard sarah whine your name , but you didn’t bother looking back.
you can hear the shuffling of sand coming closer to you and assumed it was her. “is he stupid?” you groaned , continuing to walk, “i mean , like , why can’t he ask me nicely? like , it’s not hard to fucking do some big gesture or , like , make it romantic! fuck!” you slowed and turned back to look at sarah , needing some confirmation you weren’t crazy for wanting a little more than asking you out at a party or in front of your friends. that’s when you actually stop and see jj walking behind you — not sarah. your could feel your heart sink to your stomach. “are you kidding me?” you just shook your head and turned back around , cheeks hot and tears starting to trickle down your face. how embarrassing?
five sarah had advised john b to tell jj to leave you alone. for awhile , if not indefinitely. you had called her crying later that evening , wailing on about how embarrassing that was for you. you understood that it was you that had said all of that to jj , but it was equally embarrassing that he had asked you out in front of your friends so casually. did he think he didn’t have to try? and again the next morning , still just as distraught over the situation as you were the night before.
“it’s just that after rafe everyone just thinks i don’t have standards , sare. like , i know me and rafe weren’t good all of the time , but at least he tried to be romantic. that’s more —“ as you were ranting you could hear people downstairs in your house , which shouldn’t have been happening considering your parents were at work. “i think there’s someone in my house.”
“what?” sarah asked , standing up from her own bed and going to look out her window to check your house herself, “oh , no.”
“what?” it was your turn to ask.
sarah couldn’t believe jj right now. a smile made its way onto her face ; she knew this was good. “i would go downstairs if i was you,” she suggested , hanging up the phone.
you knew you were somewhat safe is sarah gave you the go ahead , but you still crept around to the staircase slowly. you could hear the chattering off people more clearly and them moving around your house like it was their own. “i have a gun!” you lied, “so you better leave!” your voice was loud from the beginning , trying your best to scare whoever or whatever it was downstairs before continuing your trek.
and that’s when you saw it. there were a handful of people moving flowers into your house that was already practically full of them , and jj was there conducting everything. “okay people , her dad said that she usually goes for a walk on sunday mornings , so i think we’re losing daylight here! we gotta get this place full before she gets home!”
you kept walking down the stairs , eyeing your favorite flowers moving in in bundles and filling the floor. “jj?” you called out , not bothered by the fact that you were still in your pajamas , your hair not ready , and no makeup on your face. was this actually happening? “what is this?” you asked , walking to him when he turned at your voice.
“oh , fuck!” jj whined , throwing his hands up in the air, “you weren’t supposed to be here!”
“this is my house!” you laughed, “what are you doing?”
jj turned to the side a little , calling at the people moving throughout your house to take a break. “this was supposed to be all romantic and shit or whatever , and you were supposed to come home and it was all done. fuck—“ he was rambling at this point , hands running through his blonde locks. “i was gonna be all swooney and swift of your feet-y and shit!” he added , pointing at you like you should know what he’s talking about.
“what are you doing , jj?” you asked again , stepping another shy step closer.
“i’m asking you out on a date. a proper one and all,” he finally answered , ocean eyes boring into your glossy ones. this was too good ; you didn’t deserve this. not after what happened on the beach. “so , whaddya say? gonna let me take you out for real?” he asked with a soft shrug.
your jaw dropped to start speaking , but no words came out. you blinked hard a couple of times , trying to wake yourself up from this dream. that’s what it had to have been. “i — this is the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me , jj. yes , i’ll go on a date with you.”
“oh , thank god,” he breathed out , hand clutching at his chest, “i swear i thought about just moving away if you rejected me another time , sweetheart.”
taglist @hotvampdragon @vivian-555 @eivyyy-mstr @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account
ahhh here it is! show me that it’s not terrible please<3 it’s not proofread yet , but once i put out the next black cat!reader work it will be:)
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aduh0308 · 2 months ago
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stupid fucking parents [choi beomgyu]
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kinktober 2024 !! summary: if you'd never met him, this would be a lot easier. granted, if you never met him, this wouldn't be a problem in the first place. genre: smut, non!idol au, p with little to no plot warnings: stepcest,:stepbrother!beomgyu, perv!gyu, rich!gyu, he’s a year older, sub!gyu, mean dom!reader, dom!gyu, sub!reader, he uses your soap, mommy kink, mommy kink in a condescending way, praise kink, dacryphilia, voyeurism, degradation, exhibitionism, slight spit kink, big dick gyu, handjob, blowjob, titjob, readers tits are big enough to give said titjob, nipple play (on both), he’s got sensitive nipples, sending nudes, lots of smut, masturbation, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex (pull out method), creampie, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, mentions of cunnilingus, beomgyu refers to himself as ‘gyu’, reader calls him 'dumb pup', 'slut' 'whore', 'pet', 'good boy’, ‘pretty boy’, ‘gyu’, and ‘pretty’, beomgyu calls reader ‘pretty girl’, ‘baby’, ‘darling’ and ‘good girl’, mentions of anxiety and depression, he’s lowkey sleazy for 100 words (he fucks someone else), she hits him in the face once and he gets turned on by it, she sucks on his Adams apple for half a second (real), y/m/n is your moms name, and b/d/n is beomgyus dads name bc idk what im doing, take a shot every time I use the word ‘fuck’ (hint: its more than 50) word count: 7.3k 🎧 — rubberband (tate mcrae) + lovers in the night (seori) + the killa (txt)
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the holy matrimony of Ms. y/l/n and Mr. Choi."...
"Fuck, look at you, fucking me like some animal, aren't you?"
"Do you, y/m/n y/l/n, take b/d/n choi, in sickness and in health, through prosperity and through hardship..."
"Dumb pup, can only think with your dick, can't you?"
"I do."
"C-can't, feels so good, gon' cum, pl-please!"
"Do you, b/d/n choi, take y/m/n y/l/n,  in sickness and in health, through prosperity and through hardship..."
"Go ahead, cum like the whore you are..."
"I do."
"Don't make a mess of me, though, can't let everyone out there know i'm fucking my soon-to-be step brother..."
"You may now kiss the bride."
"N-not my fault, fucked you—ah! B-before they even got together..!"
You snap out of your mind's replay of the day’s prior events, eyes on the ground, even as your mom and Beomgyu's dad share their first kiss as husband and wife. You feel eyes on you and look up— it's him, of course it is. And fuck, does he look good. Suit and red tie, brown hair laying just perfectly, you can feel exactly what possessed you to ruin him this morning.
But you can't anymore.
And that's what pisses you off, because Beomgyu was yours before your parents even laid eyes on each other.
That's how they met, actually. You'd been over at his house, dad gone at work, so you two could get up to exactly what you wanted to. Laying on his couch afterwards, his dad had come home, and your mom stopped by to pick you up— she'd dropped you off on her way to work since your car was in the shop.
And it was love at first sight. You couldn't pretend like it wasn't, you saw the way they looked at each other. You just hadn't expected it to escalate to this. Walking back down the aisle together with everyone standing to clap, you can barely keep your eyes on them.
You're crying, but not in happiness. It's selfish, you know. You've seen how happy your mom is nowadays. And she deserves it. But you can't help but feel like you've lost something.
You and Beomgyu are last to leave the altar, following the other groomsmen and bridesmaids into the wedding hall for the afterparty. He tries to grab your arm, but you shake your head at him. You can't do this anymore. It's for real now.
The look on his face is pure hurt and you know it, only heading to sit next to your mother at the dinner table. Soon, you're sucked into conversation with one of her cousins, mind completely off of Beomgyu and your lack of conscience when it comes to him.
After dinner, however, it's time for the first dances of the night. Bride and groom, bride and her father, groom and his mother, and then, your mother's genius idea, a dance for the groom's son and the bride's daughter. Which you'd forgotten all about, until the mc of the night, one of Beomgyu's relatives, calls the both of you up.
You swallow when Beomgyu's hand rests itself on your waist. So gently you almost shiver, he pulls you closer until you're pressed against him in waltzing position. The music is slow, soft, but speeds up until the two of you are just spinning in circles, identical wide grins on your faces.
The song ends with him dipping you, and you come up with an elated grin. That is, until you realize your predicament. You step away from him with a soft smile but a pointed look, and he only nods. He grips your wrist in a hand. Dropping his lips to your ear, he whispers, "Leave early with me? I want to show you around the house."
Right. You'd forgotten that Beomgyu's (significantly larger) house was now yours. God, you have no idea how you’re going to be able to handle this.
You only nod, let him know you'll be ready in an hour, and join the dance floor once more with the rest of your mom's family.
The hour flies by with you teaching multiple line dances to Beomgyu's family, including Cotton Eye Joe and the Wobble, and by the time it's time to leave, you're flushed and breathless. Giggling and taking his hand, you're led to his car.
"Are you wasted?" Beomgyu laughs, helping you in before climbing into the driver's seat.
"No! Didn't drink anything but the kid's lemonade." You flinch when his hand meets your thigh out of habit. Getting the message, he lets it drop to the center console instead.
"Your things are already in your room," he tells you when he pulls into the driveway.
"And where's my room?"
"Across from mine."
You don't have to ask where his room is. You've been in it enough times in the past 3 years to have memorized exactly how many steps it takes to reach it from the front door.
"Alright, sounds good."
Beomgyu opens the front door for you and ushers you in. He opens every door for you to help you find your way around as well. You soon learn that there are 4 bathrooms, 5 bedrooms, a game room, a living room, 2 dining rooms (a formal one and an informal one), a kitchen, and too many closets to count.
When he opens the door to your bedroom, you smile at the coziness of it all. Your things have been put up in an almost identical fashion to how they were in your old room. And there was only one person in this house that knew your room well enough to be able to recreate it to this level of detail.
"Did you do this?" You whisper, turning to him with a look of incredulity.
Beomgyu nods, a small smile pulling at his lips. He flicks the hair out of his face with his pinky, a small habit you've noticed since day one. "Do you like it? I tried my best to do what I remembered, but some things might not be how you're used to..."
"I love it, Gyu, it's perfect." You flop backwards into your new bed, skirt piling around you. Beomgyu slides beside you when you pat the bed—  this might not be the best idea, but right now, you can't think of anything else you’d rather do.
He's taken off his suit jacket, left only in the vest and white shirt and tie, and he looks so good and desirable that you have to close your eyes. He's warm against you, body taut with muscle, and against your better judgment, when Beomgyu's lips meet yours, you don't resist.
He pulls you up and into his room across the hall, dragging you back down with him onto his own bed.
"Gyu, we shouldn't, you're my stepbrother now..." The word leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, but he shakes his head with a pout.
"Please, need you..." His hands grip the hem of your dress, pulling you closer by your hips, into his lap. You're protesting the whole time, pressing kisses to his lips either way. And oh, the way his whines are so pretty when you slide his dress pants to his ankles make it all worth it.
Tugging at his dick with a scoff, you spit on it once. "What a desperate little slut, wanting to fuck me the night our parents get married, wasn't enough for you this morning, was it?"
Beomgyu shakes his head quickly, tears already beading in his eyes. "N-no, always need more, need you so bad it hurts..."
"Yeah? Gyu needs his dick wet every second of the day, doesn't he? Always such a mess."
He's nothing less than a mess now, drool leaking out the corner of his mouth, wetting the pillow beneath his head. There's a sheen of sweat glossing his face and he writhes beneath you when you squeeze the base of his dick. "P— please, 'm gonna, gon' cum if you don't stop, stop, please, wan' be able to fuck you!" he begs, gripping your wrist in a hand.
"You can't fuck me if you cum now?" He nods, little sniffles leaving his lips. "How pathetic, can't even last a few minutes, what a fucking loser."
"Please, can't— ngh— just wanna get you 'round me, please, n/n..."
His voice is low, breathless and a little choked, and you finally give in. Beomgyu's chest shakes up and down while he watches you slip your dress over your head, exposing the blue lace bra you'd put on this morning. You don't even bother taking it off, nor your underwear, simply sliding your panties to the side to rub his dick against your soaked cunt.
As soon as your dripping walls suck him in, he's a goner, head rocked back into the pillows and hips twitching up to yours pitifully. Shifting your weight down against him only once, he's got tears running down his cheeks. This isn't unusual— there's a reason you always top him. As soon as the boy gets his dick wet, he's gone, off to another planet or some shit.
"Won't you open your eyes, want you to look at me while your dick's inside me, you're not that much of a whore that you can't keep your eyes open, are you?" you hiss, grabbing his chin in your hand.
Beomgyu nods with a weak look, eyes trained on your tits, and he's pulling the lace down with his fingertips. You grip his chin harder, looking down at him with a glare. "Don't you dare, take it off properly if you want it off. This was 60 dollars, I'm not letting a dumb pup like you ruin it."
His fingers fumble at your back, desperate to see you but unsure of where the hook is. A low moan leaves his lips when he finally gets it off, taking your tit in his mouth almost immediately. Swirling his tongue around it, you grab a fistful of his hair, shoving your hips towards his again.
You're lucky that he's big, big enough to hit all the right spots inside you without you having to do much, because the look on his face tells you that he's not capable of anything other than sucking on your breast. And despite all your words, you're not very capable of anything other than fucking yourself down against him.
Beomgyu's eyes are practically rolled back into his head when you look down at him again. The sight is funny, even if it causes something to twist in your stomach. The way this pretty boy can't even make the proper faces once his dick's in your cunt.
“You’re so fucking disgusting, don’t you now? Fucking me when you’re like this?” you hiss, gripping his hair in your hands.
 “’m sorry, 'm so sorry, i know, know 's gross but I can’t!”
His eyes fly open to meet yours in a panic when your fingertips pinch at the pink of his nipple. "D-don't, m-mommy, gon—gonna cum, y'know I can't take it, t' sensitive, please..."
You do know. And that alone is why you toy with him more, rubbing over the puffy bud while he squirms under you. "Don't you dare cum inside me, you hear? Don't want a dirty pup's cum inside me."
He nods frantically, eyes red and glazed with his tears, and he weakly tugs his dick from your cunt. You wrap your hand around yours to jerk him off until he reaches his peak, white cum painting your stomach in ropes.
"N-no, don't, what are you doing, c-can't!" Beomgyu lets out a choked noise when you roll your hips back towards his.
"Shut up, you can, gotta make me cum too, remember? Cause you're such a good boy, aren't you?" He nods fast, and you lower your torso to his to press a consoling kiss to his lips. They're bitten red, swollen from the constant tug of his teeth, and the familiar desperation he retaliates with makes you smile. Pulling back once more, you watch his hips twitch up to yours. "See? Told you you're a good boy, making me feel so good..."
"S' glad, let me touch, please?" He's slurring his words now, hand running through the soft brown of his hair.
"Go ahead, jus' this once, cause you're being so good..."
Beomgyu's eyes light up immediately, and his hand flies to your swollen clit without hesitation. Rubbing in circles, you have to admit, he's always been good at this. Even though he's sloppy with his movements, direct stimulation making you hiss through your teeth, he's still expert in the way he plays with your clit.
"Fuck, Gyu, gon' make me cum if you keep up with that, don't stop, will you?"
He nods, though you can tell the way your walls flutter around his dick is making his brain go fuzzy. "Can make you, 'm a good boy, gon' make you feel s' good.."
His hips grind up against yours with one particularly rough motion, and you're gone, form shaking above his.
"Doing so good, mommy, so pretty..." Beomgyu coos, spare hand resting on your cheek.
You roll onto your back next to him, chest heaving, and a wave of guilt hits you when you realize just what you've done. You fucked your stepbrother. On the day of your parents' wedding.
You sit abruptly and gather your things. "Goodnight, Gyu."
He pouts at you, dick pressed flush to his stomach, and you have to avoid looking at him. "Stay? Please?"
"No. I'm going to my room. Goodnight, Beomgyu."
And without a backwards glance, you step through the threshold of his doorway and promise you'll never be back in to answer his request.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
And you weren’t even considering it, not even thinking about it until weeks later, when your parents decided to watch a family movie before they leave on their honeymoon.
Your parents on the couch across from you, Beomgyu sits next to you on the “loveseat” in your living room. You’d never heard of such a thing as a loveseat until you moved into the Choi house– it must be a rich person thing. But the chair was just big enough for two people, sitting side by side, to have about four inches of room between them.
Not exactly the situation you want to put yourself in. 
You can feel the heat radiating off of him, and it only gets worse when he tugs a blanket over the two of you and hooks one of his legs around yours.  He’s in basketball shorts, and the feeling of his skin on yours is not something you want to be feeling right now. Shooting a warning look his way before scooting as close to the armrest as you can, you try your hardest to tamp down all the memories of things you’ve done with him.
But it’s hard when he slides closer to you again, side pressed flush to yours. 
“You’re all up on me, pet, I swear to god…” you whisper. 
This was the only nickname you’d kept up with since you cut him off. Your parents were innocent enough to think that it was a cute thing– your mom had even commented on it, “You calling him pet is so cute, I’m glad the two of you are still getting along when you’re living together.”
But Beomgyu knew that it wasn’t.
His breath catches in his throat the moment the name slips from your lips, and his hand grips yours under the sheets. “I’m cold, warm me up, please?”
You relent with a sigh. A small smile twitches the corners of your lips when he nuzzles against your body, and your focus finally turns back to the movie. 
It was one of your mom’s favorites, one from the year you were born called “A Walk to Remember.” It was a sad movie– you knew the whole time the girl was going to die eventually, which made it hard to enjoy the film itself.
Good thing it was sad, though, when Beomgyu coaxes your hand down the waistband of his pants. Because he’s panting, sniffling in your ear while your fist slides up and down his dick, and his father comments on how funny it was that Beomgyu’s crying so badly at this movie.
You only laugh, looking at Beomgyu with a twinkle in your eyes. “Had no idea you were so sensitive, Gyu.” His eyes are tear-filled when he looks up at you, a little squeak leaving his lips when you thumb over his tip.
“N-not my fault, she’s gonna die, it’s sad!”
Good lord, you could praise this boys acting skills right now. Beomgyu’s trembling against you, tears slipping down his cheeks so shamelessly. Your mom tosses you a box of tissues. You catch it and take two— one for his tears, and one to wipe up the cum that’s streaking his tummy in white.
You tuck the second tissue under the blanket to clean him up while Beomgyu catches his breath. His chest is heaving, up and down, and when your palm accidentally grazes his already re-hardening dick, he sucks in a breath so sharp he starts coughing.
“I—I’m okay, I swear,” he chokes out, and you rub his back, trying your hardest not to laugh. 
“You know,” your mom says when the movie finishes, all four of you in tears. “I’m really glad we can have moments like this, as a family, even though the two of you are all grown up.”
You manage a weak smile at her. You agree with everything in that sentence— except the family part. You go to say something, but a warm hand on your thigh turns your attention once more to the brown-haired boy beside you.
“Wanna come play with me?” He asks, lips pulled into a pout. If he were asking this a month ago, you would’ve agreed, no hesitation. You know exactly what his idea of “playing” entails. 
But now, in your current situation, you shake your head. “I’ve got homework to do for my class on Monday. Maybe next time.”
You leave the room in a silent stupor, mulling over the thoughts in your head. God, you’re so stupid. How could you fall for him like that again? You promised yourself to leave him alone, and look, here you are, all self-respect gone the moment his body touched yours. 
You need to distance yourself from him again. You can’t fucking do this, any and every choice you make regarding him is going to hurt both of you, and your parents. 
So you vow to yourself that you’ll never have to be in a situation like that with him again. Because you can only assume, with your parents leaving for two weeks, that Beomgyu’s going to pull something like this again.
By then, you hope you’re able to say no.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
Once your parents leave, you find ways to keep yourself busy all day long, only coming home once you know Beomgyu is asleep in bed. You can’t risk being in the vicinity of him— you don’t have enough self control for that, and you know it.
But your friends cancel plans the morning of your sixth day home alone, leaving you to fend for yourself.
Beomgyu’s in the kitchen making coffee when you wake up. He’s in a pair of grey sweats and a regular black t-shirt, but the simple pairing sets off the glow of his honey-gold skin and you have to take a moment to catch your breath,
“Good morning,” you say, opening the fridge to grab a quick snack. 
“Morning,” he hums in response, not turning to look at you.
If he had, he would’ve noticed the way your jaw fell slack, cheeks going hot purely at the sound of his voice. At least half an octave deeper than his regular speaking tone, his morning voice had your stomach twisting the way it used to when he touched you.
“Coffee?” Beomgyu asks, finally looking your way. You can see him mentally making note of your state— hair a little disheveled, long shirt hanging to your mid-thigh, tiny shorts not even peeking past the hem.
“Sure,” you manage, taking a bite of the protein bar you found in the fridge. It’s cold, and you almost break a tooth on it, but it’s better than nothing.
Beomgyu grabs your favorite mug from the cabinet, pouring in just the right ratio of cream, sugar, and coffee. You take it, fearing you’re unable to hide your surprise. He catches your eye and a small smile peeks through the otherwise stony expression on his face. “You think I’d forget how you take your coffee after three years?”
You sip your drink to hide your smile. “Of course not.”
Over the scent of your coffee, you catch another, familiar smell. Not the smell of Beomgyu— that you remember all too well. But the smell of your body wash, coming from the boy right next to you. 
“Did you use my soap?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed. You watch Beomgyu’s body language closely; he’s turning back away from you, shoulders hunched, fidgeting with the silver ring on his finger.
“N— Yeah, I did, mine was out..” He mumbles, running his hand through his hair.
“Oh.”
That’s not the truth, you can tell, but you don’t push, and Beomgyu quickly changes the subject. “I’m having someone over later, just so you know. If you’re here.”
“My friends ditched me, so I’ll be here.” You smile wryly. “Thanks for the head’s up.”
“Of course.”
The two of you stand there in awkward silence for a moment. The only noise comes from the sipping of your coffee, and the slight hum of the air conditioner pumping out cold air.
“I… I’ll be in my room.” You say. Beomgyu nods, looking down at his phone as if he couldn’t care less.
Chewing your lip while you walk back to your bedroom, you flop on your bed. Why would he lie to you about using your soap? It’s not like you’d be mad at all. It’s entirely fine, you’ve used his soap before. Of course, that was for completely different reasons… 
Wait.
That couldn’t be it at all. He’s not that perverted, is he? To use your soap to jerk off? It’d certainly explain his behavior…
You take a deep breath to clear your thoughts. No, you are not going to think about Beomgyu jerking off with your soap. But the mental image won’t leave you, and before you can even realize what you’re doing, you’re sliding your shorts off your hips and slipping your middle finger between your folds. It brushes your clit— oh, fuck, you haven’t done this in weeks, not since the wedding, and your poor, desperate clit can barely even handle the slight stimulation from your fingertip. 
Your knees knock together the second the middle finger of your non-dominant hand presses against your awaiting hole, slick already spreading through the thin material of the underwear you’re wearing. The pressure in your abdomen never ceases when you nestle your middle and ring finger entirely between your fluttering walls.
“F—fuck,” you breathe, rolling your hips towards your fingers. Images of Beomgyu are running through your mind with every circle of your finger around your clit— Beomgyu between your legs, tongue on your clit, fuck, he always loved that… Beomgyu with his dick pressed flush to his tummy, whining and pleading for you to touch him, tip leaking precum and making him all a mess…
You’re cumming in seconds at the memory of how he’d whimper under your touch, his pretty brown eyes swimming with tears. Mouth dropped open in silent pleas, you chase your high until your body aches for a break. You rest against the cold of your bedsheets to catch your breath. 
Settling down with a book, you forget almost entirely what Beomgyu’d said about bringing someone over, until it was almost 4 in the afternoon.
Downstairs, the front door opens. Voices from the living room travel perfectly up to your awaiting ears, and you find yourself pressing your lips together in frustration. Beomgyu didn’t mention that the person he was bringing over was a girl.
“Is anyone home?” You can hear her ask, a sickeningly sweet smile lacing her question.
“Just my stepsister.”
And just like that, you’re reduced to nothing but a single word. His stepsister. Like you weren’t his sole reason for existence for the past three years. Who did he go to when he was spiraling at night, who did he call up at four in the morning because he knew she’d always answer? That was you. Not whoever this other girl was.
“Oh, good. She won’t mind, will she?”
“Of course not. Especially if you can stay quiet.”
You can practically hear the wink in his voice, and it makes your skin crawl. Is he gonna have sex with her? He wouldn’t dare, not with you in the house.
Right?
“We’ll have to see how good you are, then..~”
“Trust me, baby, I’ll show you a good time.”
You shove your earbuds in your ear and blast the most hype music you can, 2010s dance-pop type beats, trying your hardest to drown out anything else that comes from their lips. You can still hear the door to the room across from you slam shut—can still hear the girls forced pornographic moans. Where the hell did he even find this girl?
After an hour and a half, you’re convinced she must be gone, and you pad down carpeted stairs to make yourself a sandwich. Just in case, music is still playing as loud as possible through your earbuds.
As you slice your sandwich in half, ready to go back to the safety of your room, Beomgyu’s door opens a crack and a lithe figure slips from it. You have to assume it’s the girl you heard before— she’s about your height, wearing a crop top, short shorts, and she’s got mascara running down her cheeks. Damn. He must’ve managed to do her good, then. How come he never pulled that out with you?
She catches sight of you. “Oh, you must be the stepsister?”
You nod, and she smiles, running a hand through her hair. “I hope we weren’t too loud. I’d hate to disturb you.”
“No, no.” You’re quick to assure her that everything is alright. “I’ve had music playing the whole time.”
“Okay, good. Well, I’ll be off now. It’s nice meeting you!”
“Nice meeting you too!” You call after her retreating form. With a huff, you settle down on your mattress once more, taking a bite of your sandwich.
There’s a knock at your door. “Yes?”
Beomgyu pokes his head in. “Wanna play?”
Your mouth falls open at his pure audacity to come in here and ask you that after fucking another girl. “No, I do not.”
“Why not?” There he goes with that fucking pout again, the one he knows gets you to snap.
“Why not? Because you just fucked someone else, and I don’t feel like fucking someone’s sloppy seconds. Plus, I’d probably get an STD of some sort from you.”
“Please?”
He’s sitting at the edge of your bed by now, and you reach to grab his chin. “I said no, pet.”
“See, you’re saying no, but you’re acting all fem-dom and calling me pet, which makes me think that you really do want to fuck me.” Beomgyu gives you a singular shit-eating grin, and you slap him in the face. Hard.
“You’re such a whore, Beomgyu, god! Why the hell do you think I’d want to fuck you?? You already got your dick wet once today, is that not enough for you?”
He rubs his cheek with a shocked, wide-eyed expression. Your gaze drops to his crotch— there’s a very obvious tent there, and you raise your eyebrows in disgust. “You’re getting turned on by this?! You’re fucking disgusting!” You exclaim. “Get out!”
“Fine, whatever,” he mumbles under his breath, slinking out of your door and back into his bedroom.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
Over the course of the next week, you don’t see Beomgyu out of his room once. You can hear him, though. Good lord, can you hear him. This house makes you finally realize what “thin walls” actually means— and every night, you can hear perfectly how he’s whining, whimpering as he gets himself off, gasps of your name the only semi-intelligible sounds that leave his lips.
The past two days, he’s even resorted to leaving his door open all day long. Best be sure you’ve seen him changing one too many times, and you’ve made sure to be quiet playing with yourself after.
Scrolling on your phone mindlessly, three texts come through simultaneously. Two from you and your friends’ group chat, and one from Beomgyu. The latter is an image, which is already suspicious in itself, but, against your better judgment, you find yourself opening it. A small noise of surprise leaves your parted lips when you do.
The image is blurry, but you can make out the subject easily— Beomgyu, laying back in bed, face-fucked, drool leaking down his chin, all while he holds his dick in one limp hand.
You you’re such a pervert
Gyu <3
don’t yiu lije ir?
You
are you seriously jerking off right now?
Gyu <3
Sent a video
You
it was a simple yes or no question you didn’t have to send a video to answer
Gyu <3
aswers yws mpmmy
cime plsy pls?
You
if you can’t even type out a simple message how am I supposed to believe you’ll fuck me good?
Gyu <3
plsplspls neesd yoi sp bsd :()((
You
fine. just this once.
You both knew you were lying.
You peek through the crack in his door, and lord, he’s a sight to behold. Pretty throat on full display with his head rocked back, he’s sliding his hand up and down his dick, small whimpers leaving his lips.
“Knock knock,” you whisper, breathless.
Beomgyu’s glossy eyes light up when he sees you in the doorway. “Come in, please mommy?”
“Does my pretty boy need help?” You coo, easily slipping into your old dynamic. It’s familiar, comfortable, so much so that you can almost entirely ignore the guilt pooling in your stomach. 
“Please, hurts so bad,” he whimpers, and when you finally take a moment to look at him fully, you believe it.
His dick looks painfully hard, tip red and leaking precum all over the soft skin of his tummy. “I bet… awh, pup, why didn’t you call me in sooner?”
Lips pulled in a pout, he says, “You got s’ mad last time, didn’t want you to say no.”
“Wouldn’t, not when you’re like this…” You wrap a gentle hand around his dick, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “You’re extra sensitive today, aren’t you, pretty?” 
He nods quickly. “Been like this all day, ‘m so sorry…”
You settle between his legs with a smile. Nosing along the inside of his thigh, you look up at him, eyes narrowed. “Did you use my soap again?”
Beomgyu’s cheeks flush an endearing shade of pink. “Tha’s what got me like this in the first place, only wanted to jerk off smelling like you, but then I couldn’t forget how you feel ‘gainst me, so pretty and soft…” His eyes shut when you slowly run your hand up the length of him.
“Don’t worry, mommy’s got you now, gon’ take such good care of you..~”
His sheets are soft, cool to the touch, and soon there’s a wet spot on them from the way your saliva slides down his dick. You hollow your cheeks around him as you welcome the familiar taste— this isn’t anything you haven’t done before together. Your nose rests against his pelvis and Beomgyu squirms under your touch. His knuckles are white from gripping the blanket. It’s almost cute, the way he’s such a mess already, tongue lolled out of his mouth like a dog. 
His hips twitch up to your mouth and you gag on him once, pressing them back down to the mattress. “Don’t move, pretty, let me make you feel good.”
Beomgyu nods again, almost frantically, looking down at you with a wide-eyed look that makes you throb. “F-feels s’ good, mommy, not gonna be able to last, I-I’m sorry…”
You only hum around the girth of him, reaching up to pull at his nipple, rolling the bud between your fingers, and you feel him twitch in your mouth. “Wait, mommy, w-wanna, fuck, wanna cum on your tits, please?”
“I’ve got a better idea…” Shifting so your face is almost parallel to his chest, you hike your shirt up and press your tits together around the base of his dick. A single choked sound falls from his lips and he fucks up towards your tits with a desperation he’s never fucked your cunt with in all your years together. You lick over his tip every time it peeks through your tits, and soon, he’s got tears rolling down his cheeks. 
“Mommy, so close, please let me, wan’ cum, please please please!” His hand flies to your hair, gripping it so hard your scalp twinges.
“Go ahead, pup, you deserve it…”
The pretty boy underneath you lets out a pathetic whine, and rope after rope of warm cum paints your tits in white. Beomgyu pants underneath your touch— you stroke his cheek consolingly, pressing kisses up the line of his neck. You can feel his heart beat running faster and faster when you lick up his Adam’s apple, sucking a purpling hickey onto it.
“You alright, pet?” You hum, and he only nods again.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, Gyu?”
“Can I try topping you?”
His tone is sincere and you could curse yourself for the noise of surprise that slips past the restraint of your lips. Beomgyu looks away, tears filling his waterline again. “Nevermind, ’s stupid, just thought I’d ask, been thinking about it…”
“No, no, Gyu, of course you can, I was just surprised.. We’ve never, you know? Not once in all the years… But yes, go ahead, fuck, at least try.” You rush to reassure him, and his eyes go wide.
“Fuck, are you being serious?” He runs a hand through his hair, sitting up, and you sit back on your heels.
“Yes, I’m being serious if you are.”
“Okay, fuck, alright, I didn’t expect you to say yes…” He seems unsure of what to do with himself, and you slide up the bed until your head is against the headboard, then tug him onto you by his wrist.
“C’mon, pretty, don’t tell me you’re gonna chicken out?” You smile, and his eyes fill with an emotion you’ve never seen before in him.
Beomgyu kisses you so hard that it catches you off guard, and you smile when his tongue meets yours. He’s doing well so far, actually.
He pushes your thighs apart, yanking your shorts and panties down and off, slotting himself between your legs to rub three fingers against your clit. An embarrassing mewl of a noise leaves you the moment he makes contact with your swollen bud. You can’t pretend you don’t notice the cocky smirk that stretches itself over his features. “Pretty girl’s already whining for me, what happened, mommy?”
Two long, slender fingers slip to rest between your gummy walls, and Beomgyu’s eyes blow out wide. “Fuck, you’re soaked, you’re not usually like this, are you?”
You shake your head, unable to speak when he curls his fingers in towards your stomach at a pace so fast it sends goosebumps up and down your body. “N-no, you know that, don’t know why it’s different…”
He bites his lip in a smile, fingers jackhammering into you. His free hand pushes your thighs back apart when your knees jolt together. “Don’t tell me you’re into this, are you, baby?”
“Fuck, shut up, Gyu, will you please fuck me?”
“Not with that attitude, baby, not gonna fuck ungrateful brats.”
That makes you shut your mouth. Beomgyu grins down at you again, and the look on his face makes you want to smack him. But you stay quiet, until his other hand finds your clit and you’re cumming around him with a squeak. Beomgyu pulls his fingers out of you with a smug smile, licking them clean, then kisses you again, hiking your shirt up and over your cum-stained tits. 
“Clothes off, darling,” he coos in your ear, catching your earlobe between his teeth.
You slip the shirt off the rest of the way, and Beomgyu narrows his eyes, tongue between his teeth as he looks you up and down. “Fuck, you’re so pretty…”
“Gyu…” you whisper, and his gaze rests on yours. “Please?”
“You’re asking so nicely… might as well, think I can cum inside this time?”
“If you can actually top me without turning into a mess the second you get your dick inside, you can do whatever the fuck you want.” 
And you mean it. It’s not like you haven’t thought about him as a dom— the thought’s ran through your head almost every day since the first time you fucked him. It just hadn’t occurred to you that it was possible for him. He’s consistently a, for lack of a better word, pathetic sub, whining and panting the moment you touch him. Even if he’d decided to be extra bratty, he’d still lose it all the minute your skin is on his.
So this new change is definitely not unwelcome.
“Sounds good, mommy.”
Tip pressed to your dripping cunt, he rocks his hips forward til he’s all the way inside you. You sigh in relief, fitted perfectly. Beomgyu’s always fits inside you like a missing puzzle piece, like he was made to stay here, between your legs.
“Feel so good ‘round me, baby, always taking me so good… I’ve fucked this pretty pussy into being shaped just for me, haven’t I?” He rests his forehead against yours, pressing a light kiss to your lips before pulling back to rut his pelvis towards your thighs.
Every drag of his cock along your walls sends ecstasy rolling up your limbs. Fuck, thank god he’s good with his hips. The fact that he’s managing more than the measly twitches of his hips you’re used to is impressive in itself, but he’s even better than that, and the pure pleasure settling in your lower stomach is enough to have fresh tears sliding off your cheeks and onto his pillowcase.
“Gyu, fuck, need more, f— oh fuck— faster, please?” You mumble, left hand clutching his forearm, while your right hand wound itself through the silky strands of his hair. Your thumb brushes over the slight stubble of his cheek, and he smiles at you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.
He pushes his hair back and out of his face, and the simple sight of his forehead on display has your stomach twisting deliciously. Pace turning from quarter notes to eighth notes, your body jolts in reaction, and you swallow thickly. He looks so good above you— pretty chocolate brown hair swept out of his face, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, your gaze drops to the smooth bare of his torso. He wasn’t “buff” by any means, but your eyes settle on lines of muscle under his skin that definitely weren’t there a month and a half ago.
“Pet, have you been working out?” Your words are embarrassingly choked. Beomgyu gives you another shit-eating grin.
“I have, do you like it?” Despite the mocking tone in his voice, there’s an underlying note of something else, like he’s waiting for you to say yes.
So you do, because it’s the answer, and the look of pure joy on his face makes it all worth it. “Like it s’ much, Gyu, look so pretty…”
“Not as pretty as you, mommy, look at you, all a mess underneath me an’ I swear you’ve never looked better..~”
Your walls fluttering around the girth of him betrays your straight face, and Beomgyu presses a kiss to your parted lips. “Like when I tell you that, mommy? Like when Gyu says you look so perfect under him, all fucked out on his dick, hm?”
You nod frantically, and he nods back at you, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Mean every word of it, pretty girl looks like a fucking angel with my dick inside her…”
You tighten desperately around him with a whine, gripping at the hands he’s got on your waist to pull you closer to him. “Gyu, fuck, gonna c-cum, t’ good, please, wanna..!”
“Go ‘head, baby, cum all over my cock, love the way you feel ‘round me..~”
You can feel him quivering above you when you clamp down on him, orgasm hitting you like a fucking truck, and Beomgyu kisses away the tears on your cheeks. “There we go, there’s my good girl… C-can I cum too, please?”
“Go ahead, Gyu, you’ve done so good, made mommy feel so good, oh fuck!” 
He’s fucking into you with a new desperation to reach his high, completely disregarding the fact that you’ve only just came, and the overstimulation makes your grip tighten on his arm. “Gyu, calm down, fuck, hurts, can’t— can’t take it, Gyu!”
Beomgyu shakes his head, panting in your ear, body trembling against yours. “Can take it, you’re such a good girl, aren’t you? Gotta get me off now, ’s my turn.”
Fuck, how the tables have turned. A complete 180 from the night of the wedding, and he’s coaxing you to take him despite the way your body begs for a break. The sound of his hips meeting yours over and over again is prominent over the short moans that every one of his movements pulls from your lips.
“Oh, oh fuck, fuck, taking me so good, thank you, thank you, fuck!” Voice breathless, he pins your hips to his, milking himself inside you.
Oh shit. It’s not like you’ve never had the boy cum inside you— it’s happened once or twice, on accident, and you best believe you both freaked the fuck out afterwards— but this time, it’s different. He’s holding your body to his, both of you shaking, and the way you can feel his warm cum in your womb is making you weak.
Beomgyu stays like that for a moment, arms around you, yours around him, dick nestled between your walls. He’s so fucking warm against you, pants painting your skin. The intimacy of it all is almost enough to have you running out of the room immediately, but something in the tone of his voice convinces you to stay. 
When he finally pulls out, his cum drips from your cunt and onto his sheets, but you can tell Beomgyu couldn’t care less. His eyes are transfixed on the white of his cum on your thighs, the way it seems like his seed could be leaking from you forever.
Finally, he gets up to find a washcloth to clean you up, and does so with such tenderness that your heart twinges.
“Gyu, we have to talk…” you mumble against his hair.
Laying in his bed, the both of you are dressed only in the bare minimum, Beomgyu’s face resting on your chest, and every once in a while you can feel him sucking a purpling mark onto the flesh of your breasts.
He shakes his head in response to your suggestion. “No, we don’t.”
“We do, we can’t keep doing thi—“
His finger on your lips cuts you off. “Shush, you’re ruining pillow talk. This is not how it’s supposed to be.”
“Listen to me, Beomgyu! I can’t do this, fucking you isn’t gonna do anything but hurt everyone around us. Don’t you understand?”
He’s got the same pout on his face and you know you won’t be able to argue with whatever he’s going to say, that look gets you every fucking time. 
Before he can answer, however, the front door bangs open and two voices, one male, one female, call out, “We’re home! Where are the two of you?”
You’re cursing your parents for ruining your important talk, but Beomgyu’s thanking them as the two of you frantically pull your clothes on. 
Conversation postponed. ;)
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lovifie · 9 months ago
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A/B/O!Reader x Task Force 141
Back to Masterlist - 560 words
Task Force 141, the most fear-inducing task of the active force. 
Before you joined, it was composed of four massive, scary-looking alpha. At some point, everyone thought about how there were no fights between them.
A normal pack cannot function without members of all subgenders, but again, the 141 is not a normal pack.
John Price, captain of the unit and leader of the pack; whatever he said was set on stone. The alpha, whose parents were both betas was the perfect mix of genetic and learned habilites, a calming and reassuring nature unpropper of an alpha.
You were surprised when you were to his office, even more, when the other three men were also inside. But they matched your surprise with theirs when they saw you enter the room. 
Almost comically small next to them, you were not built as Soap who (at just a couple of inches shorter than the rest) makes up for it with his wideness. You are short, have the athletic build proper of a soldier, a cute face and a neck covered in scent blocker tape. 
“I don't like it when people can tell what I'm feeling.”
That was the only explanation. 
Still, they were surprised. You were not what they expected, on your file was just a list of the missions you have completed, many of them going solo and still succeeding. Little was written about you outside of work: “Behavioral problems (they don't interfere with the mission), don't touch scent blocker tape; will use scent tactics to teammates.”
But the task force was not the most normal one to begin with, so they were not the right one to judge. You'll fit in just fine. 
And it did, for months until something happened on a mission.
There are expensive suppressants, too expensive. And even with your raise, you can't afford them. So you use the slightly worse one, the one that makes you feel every symptom of your heat just one step before collapsing. But as long as anybody else knows you are an omega, everything will work out.
You are used to them already, on the outside you look perfectly fine, a little bit pissed if anything. On the inside, you can feel your blood boil with your fever, your bones hurt as if they were being broken and your inner omega keeps screaming at you to jump any of the men walking mere meters before you. 
The ice-cold water of the river you are walking across helps you with the high temperature of your body, and when it gets too deep you need to swim across you don't really mind it. Until you finally get out, and the corner of the tape of your neck starts to itch. 
You scratch it, pressing it down as you do, but instead; it gets stuck on your glove peeling it back, your nose instantly filling with the reekingly sweet smell of an omega on heat.
You tape it back quickly, trying not to panic, is fine, it was just a second, you are wearing a scarf over the tape, you smelled it because is your own neck. 
Everyone just got out of the water, is fine, they probably didn't smell you. It's fine.
And when they turn around, eyes black with how dilated their pupils are, and you know.
They have smelled you.
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navstuffs · 7 months ago
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About Tradition and Responsibility
Pairing: Gojo Satoru x WifeF!Reader
Summary: You, a non-Jujutsu sorcerer, married the Gojo Satoru. After having your first child, the higher-ups demand to meet you and your first born son.
Warning tags: protective!Satoru, tiny angst if you squint, non-jujutsu sorcerer reader, no y/n usage
Author's Notes: hiii, i wrote this based on my own post, having one of my favorite tropes (protectiveness)! this might have a second part i haven't wrote yet, we shall see. enjoy your reading!
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You keep your head down, trying to focus on the peaceful expression of the baby in your arms, your first newborn son, Kotaro. He is perfect, from his white curls to his tiny toes. You can't help but give him a small smile, your hands gripping his little body, promising silently to always protect him from any harm in the world. You feel so much love for your son that it is difficult to understand anyone who could find his existence wrong due to one ridiculous minuscule detail: when Kotaro opens his eyes, they are your eye color. Not your husband's vivid, ethereal blue eyes. 
Because of that, Kotaro Gojo is considered a waste of time—almost a mistake, but no one would dare say that in front of you or his father.
The door in front of you opens, and an older lady announces that the elders are ready to see you. You get up from the bench, bringing Kotaro closer to your chest. 
It is finally time to face your curses.
-x-
When Gojo Satoru decided to marry a non-jujutsu user, the higher-ups thought it was a joke. A good one especially coming from Gojo, who was known to do anything to piss off the hierarchy of the Jujutsu world, as if Satoru's whole existence wasn't on top of all that, as if any of those ancient and outdated men had anything to complain about the woman he chose as his wife.
However, when Gojo decided to proceed with this marriage, most were still shocked. They never thought Gojo would marry anyone, so soon, interest spiked in the mysterious woman he decided to marry. 
You wish you could tell your first meeting with the strongest sorcerer had been something glorious, but no. It was in your small candy shop, the one passed down to you by your parents from their parents. On a rainy day, that strange tall man with white bandages and white hair entered, sniffing the air like a hound dog. Gojo insisted on buying all the sweets you had on display, and instead of leaving, heard you explain how you made each of them, fascinated. 
After that day, Satoru started appearing daily, buying all the sweets on display by the end of the day. Gojo always mentioned he first fell in love with your cooking, but you didn't know when exactly you fell in love with him. Maybe it was the comfort of having someone understand those sudden chills around your body as if something had been watching you until Satoru entered the shop. He never found that weird at all. 
At first, Gojo kept you away as best as he could. You could sense curses with a chill in your body but couldn't see them (a blessing, for what Gojo described sometimes). And since you met your now-future-husband, as powerful as you could remotely grasp he was, Gojo was also the silliest and most annoying man you ever met. If you got upset with something he did for any reason, he would not leave you alone until you reassured him you weren't mad anymore. On top of that, Satoru was easily manipulated with sweets. Again, a big grown baby.
He never shared the consequences of what it meant to marry him. The letters started coming two months after the marriage, with your name on them, presenting themselves as chairpeople of the Jujutsu Sorcerers, and they were eager to meet you whenever you could. Gojo always told you to ignore those letters, throw them in the trash, and burn them if you wanted. 
Then Kotaro was born. It had been a normal pregnancy, with the usual sickness in the morning and mood swings, but at least your baby was born healthy. You couldn't be happier, and Gojo couldn't be happier. The baby not having the same blue eyes didn't concern your husband, reassuring you that everything was fine.
Until it wasn't: the letter that made you come into this meeting with the elders without your husband's knowledge had a clear underlying threat in those polite words: You were to bring Kotaro for them to look at, or they would be forced to bring you in. Gojo had shielded you from this for far too long.
As soon as you enter the oval room, you notice the covers: you can't see any faces, but you are sure all stares are on you and your baby. Kotaro rubs his face against your chest, and you bring him closer, shielding him from their judgmental glances.
"Come forward." A masculine voice demands.
You walk in the middle of the room and stop. No one speaks.
"You wanted to see me?" You ask, surprised your voice isn't trembling. You wonder if they can hear your heart exploding in your chest. 
"Yes. We never had the chance to meet with the wife of Gojo Satoru; he has kept you hidden for a long time."
"I am sure he had his reasons." 
"Not that it matters who Gojo Satoru decided to marry, but his decisions impact the Jujutsu World, wanting or not." An older voice speaks, clearly angry with your disobedience. 
"And who would stop him from making those decisions?" You question, trying to sound courteous but instead sounding resentful. Satoru has told you about these higher-ups: focused on their old ways, not allowing anything that disturbs their way. Only their way is correct. Tradition. Anything that breaks from the fine formal line should be eliminated. "No one can stop Gojo Satoru from doing what he wants. As his wife, I should be the first one to know."
Silence. You breathe deeply, part of you still fearful of what is about to come. They have yet to speak about Kotaro, so you dread the inevitable moment. Now, something deep inside of you screams you should have told Satoru. What if you walked straight into a trap?
"Your child." A third voice speaks, and the whole atmosphere of the room seems to change when he mentions your son. You grip Kotaro's small body again, ready for what will come. "He does not possess the same eyes as his father, as we can see."
"So? It is not like every single member of the clan was born with six eyes." You ask defiantly.
"Of course not," The man snickers. "But this is Gojo Satoru's son. Haven't you thought about the consequences of having a child with a man like that?"
"Satoru keeps us safe! And if he isn't here, I keep my child safe. Never underestimate the love a mother has for her child."
"There is no doubt in a mother's love for her child. There is also no doubt that some might carry a heavy hatred for Gojo Satoru. If, for some reason, you were caught vulnerable…"
"What? What are you talking about?" Your voice shakes a little, but you keep yourself steady. For Kotaro.
"Many curses and even sorcerers have hidden and disappeared because of Gojo. Many fear him. When your husband was born, he altered the balance of our world. If there is an even remote possibility Gojo can't defend himself or, even worse, if you get pregnant again and this baby comes with six eyes…we can't even imagine how bad it would be the repercussions." The tone of false concern disgusts you. Sensing your uneasiness, Kotaro starts whining, and you start rocking him. 
You are not stupid. Those men didn't care about you or your baby's safety. They wanted six eyes that they could control, nothing else, nothing more. You haven't given any proof that you are worthy of being married to Satoru.
You don't get to answer because the door behind you opens, and all eyes are directed to the man behind you. You don't even have to turn around, your sixth sense telling you: Satoru. And he is pissed. He takes a moment to analyze the room in front of him, seeing you in the middle with your son in his arms, crying. His son crying. Gojo walks in, no blindfold on, without asking for permission (not that anyone was waiting for one), and ignores everyone as he stops right before you.
His blue eyes scan you and Kotaro from the top of your head to the feet, concerned. 
"Are you okay? Is Kotaro okay?" Satoru asks in a gentle tone, ignoring anyone around. You nod, starting to form an apology, but he shakes his head, calming you. "There's nothing to apologize for. You did well. You always do well. Stand beside me, okay?"  
You nod as Satoru forms a shield between you and the higher-ups. Surprisingly, Kotaro has stopped whining, feeling his dad is close by. No one speaks, and everyone seems to be holding down their breaths.
"So," Satoru's tone is calm, "who cares to explain how my wife and son ended up here?"
No answer comes, and you can sense the fear over the room, which differs from your husband's posture. Those who don't know him might believe in Satoru's calm posture, but you and probably the rest of the elders knew this was only a façade. In Satoru's veins, there is only anger. The only reason any of those higher-ups are still alive is because of your and Kotaro's presence. Not because Satoru would hurt you or his son if he had to kill them, but because he didn't want to shock you or accidentally make you fear him. You had never seen him kill before.
You don't know yet what lengths he would go to protect you and his child.
"We were just worried about her well-being, that's all." Some brave higher-up answers and Gojo snickers.
"Oh? More worried than her husband then?"
"You know, we had to meet her eventually. You kept her away from our world, your world, for far too long."
"And she was fine until you brought her into this. My wife and my son are none of your concerns."
"Not if she births a child with six eyes. Then it is our concern." Your body tenses behind Gojo, immediately causing him to react back, his murderous energy filling the room. If you felt it, those elders felt it as well, silencing them.
Kotaro starts crying again, sensing the threatening energy in the room. You had never felt such a destructive sensation coming from your husband before, but you managed to grab Satoru's arm.
"'Toru? Kotaro is scared." And you are scared.
The energy instantly leaves, and Satoru turns around, worried. You tremble with fear, and Kotaro bawls, tears dropping from his eyes. He instantly places his black blindfold on his eyes before taking Kotaro from your arms and gently rocking him. 
"Can we leave, please?" You ask, and Satoru nods, grabbing your hand with his free one. Before turning around to leave, he announces in a frightening tone to the entire room, "If I ever hear any of you trying to make any sort of contact with my wife or son, I won't be so merciful."
With that, Gojo Satoru pulls you away from that horrible place you promised to never see again.
-x-
Satoru dismisses the driver who drove you there. Instead, he takes you to his car, finding Kiyotaka Ijichi with a nervous smile when he sees you. You manage to smile back, and Ijichi seems relieved that you and Kotaro are okay. The ride home is silent, and Satoru never lets go of your hand. Kotaro is in the other one, sleeping safely in his arms. You can't bear to look at your husband, too afraid of what you are about to see: disappointment? Anger? He would be right to feel like that. You endangered not only yourself but Kotaro in this whole situation.
After Ijichi leaves you at home, you gently take a sleepy Kotaro away from your husband's arms. Satoru had this enchantment with your son, making him feel calm and safe. Like mother like son, you guess. You place Kotaro gently on his mat, watching as he gets comfortable. How careless of you to put your son in such a dangerous situation.
"Do you want to talk about this?" Satoru whispers, and you shake your head.
"I am sorry." To Kotaro. To Satoru. To yourself. "I thought I could—"
Satoru slowly closes the proximity between you two. He waits, watching the tears flowing down your eyes, sitting at your side, and when you hide your face on his shoulders, his arms are around you, bringing you to his lap.
"You had no idea."
"I endangered our son! Do you know how serious that is?"
"You would never let them do anything to him."
"How would I even stop them, Satoru?"
"I don't know, but I know you. You would find a way." Satoru simply shrugs, which sounds to him like the most obvious answer, and you don't know if you laugh or cry or his hopes on you. "Which would involve bringing me there."
"Yes, bring my most dangerous weapon: Satoru Gojo." You two chuckle low so you don't wake up Kotaro.
"Nothing will ever happen to you or Kotaro. I won't allow it. Be sure of it."
"They said you have enemies…"
"Who wouldn't dare to lay a finger on one stray of Kotaro's hair. Or yours. Come on, you don't have some faith in me?"
Remembering the amount of energy you felt earlier, you feel a chill pass your body. "I do, 'Toru. I was crazy enough to marry you."
"And would you lose the chance to be the luckiest woman alive?"
"With the most pretentious husband ever." You roll your eyes, feeling happy inside. The earlier one may have scared you. But you know this Satoru, back to his usual pretentious self. 
You get more comfortable in Satoru's lap, your eyes never entirely leaving Kotaro. He looks so peaceful with his eyes closed like that; he is Satoru 100%, except for his eyes. What blame did he have? You vowed to protect and love him as soon as he came out of you, no matter what came after him. And by the looks on Satoru's face, he also does.
Slowly, you can feel your eyes getting heavy as you become more comfortable in Satoru's arms—like a mother, like son. 
"Rest, my love. I will take care of it all. I will never leave you, I promise."
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autism-corner · 2 months ago
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erm
#that last post is not good for mee#im already sobbing and then the voices go 'why don't you think youre allowed to be loved?'#love is such an interesting thing as someone aromantic and autistic imo. (thats what im 'blaming' it on at least)#i think somewhere in my brain the recognition that i can be loved is missing.#sillyposting#TECHNICALLY. i know my parents love me. in principle.#but i cant say that. i love them back. that doesnt FEEL right to me. so the only conclusion i can determine is that i dont.#its the same with the one partner ive ever had.#they were the closest ive ever been to a person in every single way.#they told me they loved me and. i couldnt say it back. i still cant say it.#if i cant comfortably say i love the closest person ive ever had is it possible for me at all?#is there something inherently wrong about me? something i cant change?#because i do APPRECIATE the people im supposed to love. i truly have deep feelings for them.#but they will possibly never reach love. and that isn't something i can change or do anything about.#which in turn results into me not being comfortable when someone makes clear they love me#if i cant reciprocate their feelings am i even worthy of them at all?#can you love something that cant love you back? i know that answer is 'yes'.#but is it right to put your love into something that can't return it? are you not putting a burden on both you and it?#isn't it easier to let it go? to leave? this thing will never do the same as you when there is plenty around that is better than it.#this thing has created a burden on itself when loved. feels guilty about it not returning feelings. feels uncomfortable at any expression.#doesnt that mean love is unkind to it? that love hurts? that it'd be better off without love at all?#is it possible to desire love when receiving it is my worst nightmare?#.#anyway shoutout to me realizing i cant imagine a future where im loved. while pissing.#o7#its literally past 10pm i should NOT be listing to whatever the voices say =w=b will that stop me? nahh#“guy isnt depressed enough” okayyyy#its literally fine tho were chillingg#<3#also very important distinction to me: none of this is limited to romantic love. familial love sucks too!!
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