#b) oh boy is there a Theme that weaves through the entire thing that I REALLY do not want to blindside anyone with with HOW MUCH it is ther

[cloaked-saurosuchus]

me talking abt vampire au: haha my silly fanfic I pour slavic nods into bc I can

also the vampire au: genuinely the first thing I'm writing I'm highly considering putting the M rating on

[captnjacksparrow]

What do you think of Kishimoto saying in one his interviews that Hinata acknowledged Naruto before Iruka?

You mean this Interview???! Anon!!!😒😒😒

He was talking from Hinata's perspective!!!! Anon. Meaning, when he thought about who should he pair Naruto with, he thought Hinata noticed him before everyone as compared to Sakura, who never did anything of that sort for Naruto. So he paired up Naruto with her. He also said in another interview that Hinata got very popular so he decided to make her as heroine.

It's funny that he never said anything about how Naruto feels about Hinata. It looks like an option Kishi was made to chose. Option A or Option B. Yeah, let me go with Option B. There was no pre-planning about this development. Because he never intended to pair anyone when he finished part 1.

It's also fucking funny that he made Hinata to confess Naruto before Pain and almost died for him. (Probably this is where he decided to pair Hinata with him, as Pain Arc is the mid point of the series). But right after defeating Pain, Naruto met Sasuke under the Bridge and confessed Iruka and Sasuke were the only people to acknowledge him🤭🤭🤭. What about Pinata?? Why didn't he insert her here?

And the worst thing is, he decided to pair him up only when he reached halfway through the series. Whereas he decided how to end the series long back when he finished part 1. That is Naruto and Sasuke's fight.

Part 2 is all about how to reach the ending in a smooth manner, that is, without making it look contrived. You can't make Naruto and Sasuke reconcile just like that. It needs to be carefully constructed.

Remember Shippuden's core theme is all about Understanding and Forgiveness.

First off, Naruto should understand Sasuke's pain.

How did Kishi do that?

Yeah, by killing off his favourite character Jiraiya.

This bastard Kishi killed off a character to make Naruto understand Sasuke's feelings.

If he could kill off a character, why couldn't he retcon a special scene where Hinata acknowledged Naruto way before Iruka???

Second off, Naruto should learn to forgive Sasuke for all the mistakes he committed so far. He can't be fighting Sasuke and all of a sudden he says, 'Oh Sasuke!! I forgive you'.

So how did Kishi do that?

Yeah, by creating Pain Arc. Where Naruto, for the first time, truly forgive a person who took away the most treasured people in this world.

So, this damn Kishi created a whole arc to make Naruto, a forgiving person so that when he battles Sasuke, it looks more Organic.

Geez!!! This Bastard!!!

What a detailing!!! How much care!!! How delicately written!!! When it comes to Naruto and Sasuke's bond, Kishi just weaved every plotline in a silky smooth manner to reach that conclusion in chapter 698 which he planned before a decade.

Can't say anything like this for Himata or Pinata trash, can we?

Hinata recognized Naruto. Okay. Good.

After that??? What stopped her to go and tell him that, 'You will become a great Ninja, Naruto-Kun'.

Shyness!!!! Who the fuck needs this shit??

That boy was suffering from loneliness and all he needed was a person, a single person to acknowledge him and his existence. He needs only one person to go and tell him, 'It must be so painful to be alone, isn't it? Don't worry I'm here for you. You are not alone in this'.

Imagine someone tells you this, Anon. How do you feel?? You will feel so positive that you will get the courage to take on this world. It's even applicable in our real life.

Life may throw shit at you, but if there is a person who can stand with you despite all the bumps in the road, then you won't feel tormented at all. I've experienced this personally. [[That's why I support SNS]].

Iruka did that to Naruto in Episode 1 when he was 12. Sasuke did that to Naruto when he was just 8 with just a simple smile. And he did it again when he jumped into a trap voluntarily to protect Naruto in Zabuza Arc. All their words and actions made Naruto into who he is. Not fucking silence. 🙄🙄🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️

Even by that logic, in Naruto Gaiden, why did Kishimoto made Naruto to think only about Iruka and Sasuke as the bonds he made without any blood connection??? I mean, he could've inserted Hinata as well, right? Naruto was fucking married and has two kids by then. Why Naruto didn't realize it?

Set all this aside, Boruto The Movie was written by him entirely. Why did he make Sasuke to tell Naruto's story to Boruto instead of Pinata?? Well, this Byakugan princess 'acknowledged' Naruto way before Iruka. She could tell countless stories about Naruto's life, couldn't she? Why give the responsibility to Sasuke? Why make Pinata and Sakura to play Bench Warming role?

Because that Pinata was a fucking shy donkey who just stalked Naruto but never helped him emotionally when it was most need.

All in all, what I am trying to say is,

Naruto part 1 is a carefully constructed story about 2 boys, Naruto and Sasuke, told from the POV of Naruto. They share similar pain and fate. For some unfortunate reason, Sasuke has to take a different path.

Part 2 is all about bringing Sasuke back to a place where he will never feel lonely. In each and every arc, Naruto tries to understand Sasuke's pain and wish to stand with him, no matter what. Kishi created Pain Arc for that very purpose. He killed Jiraiya for that very purpose.

At chapter 698, he concluded the series in a satisfying way which was what he aimed for ever since he drew VoTE1 fight. Hinata is just a small pebble added to the life of Naruto which was not his primary intention at all. Which was why he never bothered to develop their relationship in a satisfying way and even in Boruto series she is just non-existent. So, she acknowledging Naruto is Jackshit.

[bangtanxm]

Bookclub; March Highlight

This month’s theme was “The Darkness Within” asking for our bookclub members to find the most angstiest and darkest stories to recommend for this month. These are our our monthly fanfic recommendations from our bangtanxm; bookclub!

In the following you find a list of fics we recommend and reviewed this month. Please support these amazing authors! With every monthly recommendation, there is also a drabble game that everyone can participate in. You’ll find the masterlist at the end of the reviews. Happy Reading!

BOOKCLUB; recommendations

PS. As this theme involves a lot of triggering topics, we’d like to emphasize to thoroughly read the disclaimers on each story. Thank you.

TEMPTATION written by linzeigh

— Summary; Yoongi and Jimin are priests. Jin, Taehyung, and Jungkook are hungry. — Disclaimer; pwp, demons, nsfw-content

bookclub; review

“AAAAARRHHHHH. This was so incredible. I feel like no matter what I say, it will not do this masterpiece justice. It's so sinful and forbidden, but oh how it feels so right! The gradual revelation of Jimin and Yoongi’s mutual lust for each other was masterfully written. And fuck, I love the demon trio of Jin, JK and Tae. Their interactions and teasing brought a surprisingly bright mood to the fic, and I giggled several times at JK and Tae’s bickering. The concept of them feeding of sexual tension and being able to read Jimin and Yoongi’s mind was really interesting. The blasphemy was so shocking (and surprisingly intriguing), and I kept thinking damn how far is the author gonna take it, and oh lord very very far indeed. This is a must-read for anyone who likes explicit and dark fics!!” [@tinysweetscrown]

“This fic is so good. It is lengthy, for one, which is so admirable and amazing considering it’s largely smut. Smut can be so hard to write such big fics of and keep it fresh and interesting, but this author was able to do so. They were able to really take their time with each character and it felt fresh and interesting, without being slow or repetitive which is such an awesome accomplishment. I love the small details that were added in, the fact that they didn’t bleed, probably didn’t need to breathe, were super strong, etc. – it really added to the depth of the characters themselves, which is something that is often left out of smut fics. Also the entire subject/plot. Though blasphemous in some ways, it was handled really really well and I think kind of brushed on some very important topics (like being gay and religious). Overall just a stunning piece of fiction that I will be coming back to again and again for a reread.” [anon]

THE PERFECT ILLUSION written by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; He was the perfect illusion. The getaway for anyone who didn’t want to face reality. And yet, there was something in his eyes, something vulnerable and hopeful as if he was dying for someone to see through him, to care for him enough to look behind the mask and draw out the real Jimin. And Namjoon couldn’t wait to do exactly that. — Disclaimer; mentioning of abusive behavior

bookclub; review

“this is...just wow.... the story is so interesting and unique, the writing is beautiful, the characters are so on point. Ive only read the first chapter so far and i just know this is going to be one of my classics. The universe is so well constructed, the characters very nuanced in such a short amount of time... You can see the research that went into the geisha world, and it's paying off into what i feel is a masterpiece.” [anon]

"I already had an admiration and love for geisha culture and craft so seeing this story come out the first time just made me so excited!! Granted it has darker thematic tones to it, I loved how Jimins character was so well embodied that it stuck with me even after I read it. Also Jungkook as the maiko liSTEN I GREW SO PROTECTIVE OF HIM THROUGHOUT THE STORY. That build up of his mizuage made me want to take him away to somewhere and Namjoon and Yoongi were just the best, most complimentary characters to each of them. Jimin needed someone soft and kind like Namjoon while Jungkook needed someone sort of protective and a little cheeky like Yoongi. Their dynamics just worked so freaking well and you can always count on Jey and Cat to have just the right amount of angst mixed with fluff cause damn it HURT for a while reading this but the relief of it all was so welcoming. I can't rec this fic enough honestly, the characters, the settings in the teahouse are so beautiful and I LOVE authors who aren't scared to make a member into an antagonistic character cause it added so much flavour to the chemistry OOF just well done it was so nice reminiscing with this fic again!!!” [anon]

“I read The Perfect Illusion originally as it came out. It is just as enjoyable the second time through. It was such an interesting and stunning piece, I felt. The real shining star was the slow burn aspect of it, I think, even more so than the angst or abuse aspects. The slow sort of build of romance between Joon and Jimin was really beautiful, especially with the constant looming danger of what they were doing. The gravity of it was revealed in a really slow, measured manner that I think really helped the reader feel that sense of urgency as the fic went on and we – like Namjoon, learned more and more about the situation than we’d known before. The disgust of what was being done to Jimin and JK and the other dancers was enough to roll one’s stomach, but it was done in such a way that it worked well with the fic. It wasn’t there just for shock value; everything seemed to have a purpose and a point and it wove together in a really fitting and gorgeously heartbreaking and bittersweet tale overall.”  [anon] 

SING FOR ME written by Trilluvium

— Summary; When Jimin set out to find Earthshine in order to save his mother, he’d been ready to give up his life. Earthshine’s keeper, however, was interested in taking more from Jimin than just his life. — Disclaimer; non-con, tentacles, rape

bookclub; review

“Just wow. Okay, so this fic is so beautifully done. There is nonconsent, yes, it’s dark, yes, but it’s so much more than that. Particularly because of the ending, which is so bittersweet – Jimin’s choice. But my thinking is, vaguely hopeful? Maybe things will turn around? But that’s just me. Either way – the real shining star in this fic is the descriptive writing. The author does such a good job of writing in a very clear and detailed manner that a lot of folks just can’t accomplish without it dragging the fic down. It feels far heavier in description than dialogue, which I think fits it perfectly. The author was able to perfectly describe this absolutely beautiful fantasy realm in which the characters are, as well as the inhuman aspects of the characters. The description left me breathless – I wasn’t distracted, struggling to imagine what a, b, or c looked like – the author painted this amazing, film quality scene in my head. And because of that, I was able to focus fully on the dialogue and action of the characters.”  [anon]

WHISPERING SHADOWS written by @jooniesmind​

— Summary; It’s an already tough ability, that becomes borderline impossible, when you’re scared of ghosts. And Jimin was like that. — Disclaimer; angst, ghosts, mentioning of death

bookclub; review

“This is an excellent start to what could be a really sad, beautiful fic! The descriptions used are really stunning, painting a lovely picture (and a sad one). I’d love to see what would happen if JK came back, or even just following poor terrified-of-ghosts Jimin through his life, doing his job in whatever way he can manage. I’d love to learn more about how it works, what he does (and doesn’t do) and meet other ghosts he’s had to tangle with. And other whisperers! How it works and what makes them have the ability, etcetera. There’s such a whole rich world here that I think the author really began to develop in a beautiful way.” [anon]

“this story just hits you right in the feels. the author does a great job of putting so much emotion in a little one-shot that i’m just in awe at how they’ve done it. it is perfect!” [anon]

The Chaos Theory (Love Me Now) written by leanmeancuisine

— Summary; Jeon Jungkook, Prince of the South Korean Royal Pack and CEO of the largest conglomerate in the world, was thought to be following his father’s footsteps in becoming a Purebred Alpha. Oh, how wrong was that. Freshly presented at 18, Jungkook is discovered to be a Genus—a rare and one of a kind type of wolf that has more than one special gene. — Disclaimer; ABO Dynamics, mentioning of suicide, depression, kidnapping, poly-relationship

bookclub; review

“So I read this entire wip in one sitting. And then had to lay down and sleep on it before writing this. That’s how damn good this fic is. I was absolutely blown away. The style of writing is unbelievably well done. The author was able to really create this whole world and species, essentially, borrowing from some of the more traditional tropes but changing it into something very unique and creative. It feels so entirely fresh and interesting, weaving both very well handled traumas and angst in with softer, gentler bits that give the fic a level of depth and beauty that I haven’t seen in a very long time. All of the characters are so beautifully developed; I honestly can’t think of one I prefer more than the other of the ones that we have met so far. I’m so incredibly curious about the remaining members, as well as how Jin will blend with the rest of the group as things progress. I look forward to many updates!” [anon]

“ALRIGHT DAMN what a ride and im only prologue + 1st ch in! the introduction to jungkook's is honestly so good, and the author describes the scenes so perfectly its like we're there with jungkook, annoyed at the world. These two chapters definitely got my attention and i have a feeling ill be binging this in a near future. I can't wait to see how the author develop the other boys, how they'll introduce them... im getting excited now” [anon]

MONSTER UNDER THE BED written by Born2beSad

— Summary; Namjoon’s new apartment came with a little more than he was expecting… …luckily for him and his nighttime visitor, he’s into it. — Disclaimer; tentacles pwp, monsters,

bookclub; review

“This is such an interesting twist on the tentacle genre! I loved jimin and Joon's dynamic, although definitely wrong...but in a universe with monster under the beds i don't think that matters. Jimin as a character was weirdly endearing, and you can't help yourself from feeling sorry for him and his loneliness, and relieved he found Joon. And well, Joon is leaving his best life, so props to him for sticking around. The writing was impeccable, will definitely be going through the authors fics in a near future” [anon]

“I'm a lil bit of a newbie with tentacle porn reading wise and def haven't tried it writing wise but THIS WAS THE SHIIITTTT I LOVED IT SO MUCH (and lowkey highkey brought out a small tentacle porn interest of mine i didn't know i had oop) just the way Namjoon loved it and wanted it I could feel it in my freaking bones and maybe even related to him a littejnerighs i mean it was JIMIN HOW COULD YOU NOT and i loved the sprinkles of fluff in there it really brought a nice relief from the hot, heavy and body tingling smut embedded into it gdfoegg this was so good, such a hot way to depict a monster under the bed concept and the author did it so well also really inspired to dive into this territory of storytelling cause i'm 0.0 intrGUED” [anon]

“So, so good. Many of your general tentacle fics tie so deeply with nonconsent or dubious consent at best. Which is entirely fine, but sometimes it’s so nice to see something refreshing and new, and this fits the bill. While still brimming with great imagery and really well written smut, it also injects a supply of sweet fluff and near domesticity to the situation. Rather than being the ‘boy gets taken against his will by sex crazed monster’ – the relationship is symbiotic, allowing a give and take; even if it is largely physical in nature. I think that sheds such a fun light on the tentacle monster trope. This is one of those fics that I would really enjoy seeing another chapter or two, additional shenanigans that the two get up to with or without smut. Further, I love the descriptors used in the fic, I feel like it painted a really lovely visual that helped the reader really dive into it.” [anon]

“This fic....whew! It is really something! I don't read tentacle stuff and I'm not a fan of bottom!Namjoon but I wanted to read something different for this month. It's a great balance of fluff and smut with how the ending turns out; it's not rape or non-con either, since Namjoon is a huge monster lover lol I can just imagine him with a whole collection of monster dildos. The writing is wonderful too. The way the author set up the beginning without giving things away until maybe halfway through is really well done. Like, you already know Namjoon's going to consent but (at least for me) not in a way you expected. Jimin being a cute, friendly monster who isn't afraid to show his devilish side too <3 I seriously reccomend this to people who like tentacle porn. Maybe even people who don't read it often like me” [anon]

“This was such a surprisingly sweet and fluffy tentacle fic. I love the author's description of Jimin’s duality; the mixture between his sweet pretty features and his black demon tentacles, really feels so believe haha. The ending was so lovely and really put a smile on my face!” [@tinysweetscrown​]

INTO THE WOODS written by bugarungus

— Summary; Seokjin wakes up to find he’s been kidnapped by some nature nymphs and their pet. — Disclaimer; tentacle pwp, fae & farieis, dubious consent

bookclub; review

“Oh my, I was completely immersed in this beautiful little universe, the author created. Everything about this fic is so lovely and stunning - from the descriptions of Jin’s everyday life before he meets the nymphs to the actual smut. I loved the bickering between Jimin, Tae and Yoongi, because it truly felt like a “brotherly” relationship. Also the fact that they each were a different “type” of nymph, and especially Tae’s protectiveness of LeeAnn, was so interesting and funny to read. This fic really strikes a perfect balance between a dirty smutty plot with dubious consent without it being too vulgar and uncomfortable to read!” [@tinysweetscrown]

“Wowowowow. Honestly this fic blew me away. There was so much going on but it was all so clear and well written, just… Perfection. The descriptions were so clean and clear and visually stimulating, it was easy to picture exactly what was happening. This is something so hard to do sometimes, especially in smut with more than two people, and this one was four and a plant! I wanted to know more about the nymphs, and their plant – the backstory bet would be so fascinating and amazing. There was so much subtle romance between the nymphs, and even being dubious consent, I feel like that oozed into Jin as well – opening up the idea that the future isn’t going to be questionable. Kind of a happy ending even with a smidge of the darker/dubious consent that laced through it. I think also, the relationship between the nymphs was just really fun. Despite the alternate universe, the characters felt really true to the actual group members. Their personalities matched up great and I didn’t find myself wondering if x would actually say that, do that, etcetera. It’s amazing when you can keep things true to ‘life’ but put them into this awesome fantasy world. Just so, so well done.” [anon]

NICE THINGS written by @kimlinebiased​

— Summary; Namjoon is clumsy, even with others’ hearts. — Disclaimer; smut

bookclub; review

“This was such a sweet and wholesome fic! I especially enjoyed Namjoon's letter to Yoongi. I felt like the description of how Namjoon and Yoongi are different really fit so well with at least how I see them irl! Also the call back in the end to "this is why we can't have nice things" tied the whole fic so nicely together and left me all warm and fuzzy :)" [@tinysweetscrown]

“Nice things is such a sweet story, even with the angst thrown into it, you can feel the love yoongi and namjoon have for each other. It make the angst hurt even more, and wraps things up in cute ending. The smut if soft and just right for the story, and you just find yourself rooting for the characters to make it work, and also to pls wrap namjoon in bubble wrap...”[anon]

“A blend of angst and smut, it's really well done. I don't read a lot of canon/idol stuff nor do I write it much, but I decided I'd give it a read. Considering it's Dean writing, I wasn't disappointed haha Namjoon and Yoongi have a really nice relationship and Yoongi's reluctance to get back with Namjoon makes sense given how Namjoon broke his heart. The smut at the end is A+ too.” [anon]

DEVILS HAND by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; There had been rumors, but in the end it was not really a secret that Namjoon loved delicate and beautiful things. Especially when it came down to his lovers and his castle. It was decorated with lot of flowing, long blue curtains, colorful paintings in every room, rows of marble columns leading along every aisle. There was a large garden surrounding the palace, which was by far Jungkook’s favorite place to be – next to the king’s bedroom. — Disclaimer; alcohol, abusive relationships, abusive behavior, (sexual) violence, major character death

bookclub; review

“This fic….. ruined me… When I first started reading it, I was immediately intrigued, because I had no idea where the fic was going! I was so captivated by it, and I HAD TO finish it, but holy fuck I needed like a good day to digest it. The universe the authors created was absolutely beautiful and so well-described that I feel like I, days later, still have a clear image in my head of what the scenes look like - as if I’d seen a movie. The ending was absolutely devastating and painful and awful (but like in a good way) and im so conflicted about the whole thing…………” [@tinysweetscrown]

“alright so another masterpiece by the incredible duo! The dynamic in this story are amazingly complex and layered, the characters interesting and their motives are well thought out.. You can't help but have your stomach tied in a knot after the first chapter, anticipation making you nervous. There's this general feeling that shit will hit the fan and it won't be pretty... beautifully written, bravo!” [anon]

“How. Dare. You. Omg, I just reread this fic and ughhhh the ending breaks my heart every time! I've never hated Namjoon in a fic before. Even when I've made him an asshole, I didn't hate him. But here...he's just such a dick and Jungkook is such a sweetheart looking to please the man he loves. It's such a sad story because Jungkook is a rabbit surrounded by vipers (Taehyung being the only good one imo). I definitely rec it to anyone who wants a good angsty read. I do say mind the triggers though, since it's not for everyone. The writing is beautiful, sets a good pace, and gives detail without going overboard. Jey and Cat really get you inside the character's feelings while delivering really steamy smut scenes.” [anon]

“The Devil’s Hand was such a sad, dark story for all involved. I don’t often read major character death because it makes me so sad, but I think it was really fitting for this fic. There was no winning for JK, and the end really solidified that lesson of not knowing what you have until it’s gone. The relationship between Taehyung and Jungkook was one of my favorite parts of the entire fic. They had such a well-developed friendship and I think that Tae really embodied the person that JK deserved, in a weird way. Though they were only friends, he was loving and trusting and would do anything for JK, even at the risk of his own life. The contrast between how Tae treated him versus Namjoon, even versus Hoseok – it was so stark and telling in terms of the fic and the deeper meanings. I think overall the fic was heart wrenching and so, so sad, but such an excellent piece that really cuts the reader to the bone. “ [anon]

The Drabble-Game; MASTERLIST

— prompt; “Sometimes the darkness is too big to keep inside.”  

Thank you to everyone who participated! Stay tuned for the next theme of the month to participate! 

THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENED written by @chimknj​

— summary; Jimin was in the room when Hoseok walked in. Only one of them would get out of it alive.

EAT THE RICH (BECAUSE THEY’RE ROTUND AND DELICIOUS) written by @kimlinebiased​

— summary; Jungkook had a mission. That mission may involve killing people and burying the bodies. It’s going great… Until the bodies go missing.

— Join the Bookclub here! — official post — faq

[lets-talk-appella]

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 15/25 - Beca

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

TW: This chapter depicts homophobia, hate language, and slurs. Please be prepared for that.

AO3, FFN, and below.

The sound of her phone buzzing incessantly shatters Beca’s concentration. She reluctantly drags her eyes from her laptop screen and reaches for her phone, seeing several texts from Jesse.

J: How’s it going?

J: Becaw!

J: Are u with Chloe?

J: I bet ur with Chloe

J: Did u guys do it yet?

Beca cringes and rolls her eyes. There’s just something that seems so very wrong about her ex-boyfriend asking about her current girlfriend (even thinking the word still makes butterflies flutter in Beca’s stomach). She types back the only thing she can think to say to that.

B: Gross.

His reply is almost instantaneous.

J: If u think it’s gross u might have to reexamine

J: Again, I mean

Beca sighs, giving her laptop a last regretful look, mourning the loss of her productivity. She pushes her chair away from the desk so she can prop her feet up on it while she types up her reply.

B: I mean you asking about it is gross. It’s weird, dude.

J: It’s been like forever tho

Beca scowls. It most certainly has not been “forever,” and besides, it’s really none of his business in the first place.

B: It’s been 3 weeks.

J: Forever

B: You’re weirdly invested in this. Stop.

J: Just trying to be ur lesbro. If I were gay for Max, I’d expect u to support me

Beca snorts; if Jesse were, in fact, “gay for” his new roommate, she supposes she’d be asking him just as many questions about it.

But not those kinds of questions.

B: Supportive is different than asking if we’ve done it. Are you gay for Max?

J: Don’t think so

B: Great. Bye, Jesse.

J: Bye!

Beca sighs in relief, placing her phone face-down on the desk. She returns to her laptop, lowering her feet from her desk and scooting her chair back in place. Just as she moves her hands to the keyboard, though, a light knock sounds on her closed bedroom door. Unlike Jesse’s intrusion, this one is welcome; she smiles, the familiar sound filling her chest with warmth, and calls, “It’s open!”

A second later, the door opens and she hears light footsteps on the stairs leading up to the room. Beca looks over and catches Chloe’s eye, peeking over the railing.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Beca greets her, grinning happily when Chloe walks toward her with purpose.

Instead of answering, Chloe rests one hand on the back of Beca’s chair, pushes it away from the desk, and, with practiced ease, swings a leg over to settle into Beca’s lap with a contented sigh.

“Oh, hi,” Beca manages, her hands rising automatically to Chloe’s hips to steady her and keep her from falling backward.

“Hi,” Chloe grins down at her. “Have a second?”

Beca nods, already tilting her face up, and Chloe leans forward until their lips meet.

They exchange kisses for several minutes, Beca losing herself in the feel of Chloe’s body warm and solid against hers, and of her lips and tongue moving languidly against her own. No matter how often they kiss, Beca doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of the way it makes her entire body light up and hum in response. She’s starting to think that any minute not spent kissing Chloe is a minute wasted.

Her hands slip up the back of Chloe’s shirt, fingers idly drawing patterns against the warm skin of her back. Her touch grows bolder, sliding up to trace over Chloe’s bra strap teasingly and back down. Chloe hums and presses even closer, her hands letting go of the back of the chair in favor of sliding into Beca’s hair, cradling the back of her head and holding her close.

After several minutes of this, their kissing comes to a natural end. Chloe pulls back somewhat reluctantly and turns around to sit in the chair so that her hips rest between Beca’s legs. Beca leans forward to wrap her arms around Chloe’s waist, drawing their bodies even closer together, and rests her chin on Chloe’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

“Feels nice,” Chloe whispers, leaning into Beca.

Beca hums in contentment, watching Chloe examine her open laptop.

“What’re you working on?” Chloe asks, reading the screen.

“Applying for a couple of jobs,” Beca replies, pressing a kiss to the side of Chloe’s neck and smiling when it makes Chloe squeak a little. “Um, New York, mostly. Chicago, too, and Nashville.”

“All over, huh?”

“I want to keep my options open.”

“Right,” Chloe says faintly, leaning her head into Beca’s temple momentarily. Her fingers trace idly over Beca’s arms around her waist, leaving Beca’s skin twitching in response. Chloe takes a deep breath that Beca can feel, then asks, her tone a little off, “Do you wanna go on a walk or something? Take a break from this?”

“I’d love to,” Beca replies, now pressing a kiss to Chloe’s cheek, “but I’m meeting my dad and Sheila for dinner in, like, half an hour.” She glances at the time on her laptop. “Or, like, in twenty-three minutes.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice,” Chloe replies, her tone a little too bright to be natural. Her hands still against Beca’s arms.

Beca raises an eyebrow and looks at her as best she can from their position.

“Okay, yeah,” Chloe concedes, “I know, but they’re paying for dinner at least.”

“That is a good thing,” Beca agrees, leaning her cheek against Chloe’s shoulder. “I don’t know, my dad has just been on my ass about getting together since we saw them.”

The temperature in the room seems to drop at the reminder of their last encounter. Beca squeezes Chloe gently, trying to bring her back to the present.

“Well,” Chloe says bracingly after a moment. “Good luck, and tell them I say hi.”

“Okay, thanks,” Beca sighs. “I’ll need it.”

Chloe taps on her arms lightly once, asking without speaking to be let up. A little begrudgingly, Beca releases her hold around Chloe’s waist, allowing Chloe to rise from the chair. As soon as she stands, Beca misses her warmth.

“I’ll let you get some work done, then, before you go,” Chloe says, making her way back across the room. “Come find me later?” she asks.

“Definitely,” Beca promises. “Got something planned?”

“Maybe.”

Chloe makes a show of walking away, swaying her hips more than totally necessary, and consequently, Beca finds herself more focused on them than totally necessary. At the top of the stairs, she pauses, turning with a smirk, and Beca knows she’s been caught.

“Um, ah –”

Chloe grins wickedly, but before she can comment, the bedroom door reopens and Amy’s voice drifts up from the foot of the short staircase.

“Oh, hi, what were you two aca-lesbos up to? Better not have been on my bed.”

“No promises,” Chloe quips back, her tone less than innocent.

Beca closes her eyes, leans forward, and groans into her hands.

She’s totally whipped.

Beca parks Chloe’s car (they pretty much have an unspoken agreement that Beca can borrow it whenever she needs) in the lot of Platter o’ Peaches, her father’s favorite family-style restaurant in Barden. She turns off the car but doesn’t get out yet. She feels twitchy, electric, almost, as if some sort of storm is coming in the distance. The last time she’d seen Sheila and her dad echoes unpleasantly in her mind, setting her teeth on edge.

Well. I’m sure if you asked, maybe he’d be willing to be more than friends again. He’s good for you, Beca.

Honey, with your looks, you should be able to get any cute boy you want.

She hasn’t unbuckled her seatbelt yet, and for a moment she debates the merit of just driving away again. She could always claim she forgot about meeting them and try to reschedule. She has a feeling that won’t fly, though, and takes a steadying breath, resigning herself to her fate.  She unbuckles her seat belt with a grumbled swear word and steps out of the car.

She’d parked close to the entrance, so the walk is short. She hauls open the annoyingly heavy door, knowing she’s running almost five minutes late. Sure enough, when she steps inside and greets the expectant-looking host, she hears her name being called.

Glancing to her left, she sees her dad and Sheila already have secured a table toward the center of the restaurant. They both wave at her, her dad looking happy to see her, and Sheila appearing almost disappointed, as if she’d been hoping Beca wouldn’t show.

Beca can already tell this won’t be pleasant.

With a closed-lipped smile at the host, Beca walks over to their table, weaving through other customers. It’s a Wednesday just before dinnertime, so the place isn’t super crowded, but it’s far from empty. While no one sits at the tables directly next to Warren and Sheila, a group of what looks like businessmen sits at an adjacent table, and an elderly couple sits near the windows on the opposite side of the room. The back wall is lined with booths, only two of which hold small groups of people, already digging into their gravy-covered meals.

Beca reaches her dad and Sheila’s table, forcing a smile onto her face that probably looks just as painful as it feels.

“Hi, Beca,” Warren greets. “You’re looking well.”

She hates how formal he is. He never used to talk like that when it was just him and her mom.

“Thanks,” she replies, pulling out her chair.

“Cutting it a little close on time, though,” Sheila notes, taking a sip of her water.

Beca’s teeth clench together as she takes her seat. “Yeah, well, my hair took a while.”

She’d pulled it into a messy bun 30 seconds before leaving the house.

Sheila raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment any further.

“So… how’s it going?” Beca asks, trying for at least some civility. She knows she’s probably being harsher than they deserve, but they had almost ruined her second date with Chloe.

“Really well, thanks,” Sheila answers, then follows with, “No Chloe?”

Beca’s back tenses against her chair. Sheila’s tone is neutral, and if Beca didn’t know better, she’d almost think Sheila’s asking out of polite interest. However, the way Sheila looks at her, as if waiting for her to stumble and give something away, is unnerving. Warren merely peruses the menu in front of him, seemingly oblivious.

“Oh, no, no Chloe,” Beca tries to laugh it off, moving her chair back closer to the table. “Why do you ask?”

“You two seem to spend a lot of time together,” Sheila replies with a shrug that’s probably meant to be casual. “I think you’re with her more than with just about anyone else, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well,” Beca stalls, hiding her nerves by unfolding her napkin and arranging it in her lap. “Just, we were co-captains. So, Dad, what’s good here?” She knows it’s a blatant deflection, but it’s the only thing she can think to do.

Warren looks up, blinking, as if surprised to be addressed directly. “Oh, you know,” he says mildly, though Beca most certainly does not know. “The burgers are always my go-to.”

“Awes, well, I’ll look,” Beca replies, hiding her faint blush at the use of Chloe’s word behind the menu as she starts to search for a decent lunch.

Thankfully, silence falls as all three of them examine the menus. Beca’s almost positive her dad and Sheila don’t really need the menu; they probably eat here often enough, since neither of them can really cook. Beca uses the time to try to calm herself down, reading each menu item through carefully. It’s mildly concerning that the only items that seem to come without some form of gravy are the salads and club sandwiches.

When the waitress comes to take their order, Warren selects a regular hamburger and Sheila orders a salad and soup, with a loud and unnecessary comment about watching her weight. When the waitress turns to her, pen and pad in hand, Beca panics a little and ends up ordering the turkey club sandwich, even though she doesn’t really like turkey.

As soon as the waitress leaves with their orders, Sheila opens her mouth, probably to ask about Beca’s personal dating life or something equally invasive, but Warren cuts her off.

“So, you’re applying for jobs, then?” he asks, leaning forward.

Relieved, Beca takes the opportunity to tell them about the various producer positions she’s uncovered all across the country. He seems genuinely interested, as does Sheila, and that topic of conversation lasts well after their food comes and they start to eat. She’s careful to avoid mentioning Chloe and her own job search.

The lunch is actually going surprisingly well, and Beca feels herself relaxing as their meal continues without incident. She’s already more than halfway done with her club – the bacon on it helps cover the turkey – when two women, slightly older than her and holding hands, enter the restaurant.

They’re very clearly a couple; not only are they holding hands, but they’re looking at each other in a way Beca recognizes from how Chloe looks at her now. Beca immediately tenses, her eyes flicking to Sheila, who appears too enthralled by her limp salad to have noticed the couple’s entrance.

Beca watches closely as the host greets the women with a friendly smile and – no, no, no – leads them toward the table Beca shares with Sheila and Warren. Beca’s shoulders tense and she stares down at her club sandwich, desperate to keep Sheila’s attention down and away from the couple. The host leads them so close to their table that it Beca can feel the air stirring as they pass, but she still doesn’t look up.

Beca wonders why the women aren’t more careful in public. A small, snide part of her thinks they should know better than to act like that around potentially hostile strangers.

It’s not until the host returns to his stand that Beca risks a glance over her shoulder to see where the women ended up. To her alarm, she sees there are only a few tables between them, the women sitting at a booth along the wall directly behind Beca.

If Sheila were to look up, they’d be almost directly in her line of sight.

“Are there usually tomatoes in this salad?” Sheila asks the table at large, poking at a leaf of lettuce with her fork.

“Um –”

“You know, I’m going to ask,” Sheila twists around, looking for their waitress, even though she’s almost done with the salad anyway.

Her eyes scan the restaurant, and Beca can tell the instant she sees the couple. Her eyes lock onto them and her jaw goes slack.

Beca winces, dropping her attention to her plate.

“It’s getting worse,” Sheila says in an undertone, her voice full of disgust.

“What is?” Warren asks.

“That,” Sheila emphasizes, and without looking up, Beca knows she’s either pointing or nodding at the women so Warren can spot them.

Beca’s stomach rolls. She doesn’t think she can finish her sandwich.

“Maybe they’re friends,” Warren sighs, sounding so tired that it makes Beca look up. “Or sisters.”

“Not with the way they’re looking at each other.”

Knowing that she can’t feign deafness any longer, Beca glances over at where the women talk over their menus, smiling at one another with clear affection and happiness.

“Ugh, as if anyone wants to see that,” Sheila spits out. “I have half a mind to ask to switch tables.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Warren admonishes, rolling his eyes.

It doesn’t have any impact on Sheila.

“It’s in public now, everywhere,” she continues. “You know, ever since they passed that ridiculous marriage equality garbage, the whole country has gone downhill.”

“Sheila…”

“What? I’m just stating facts. That law has everyone in a tizzy. It’s rude, you know, forcing themselves on us, like –”

“I’m dating Chloe.”

The words come out before Beca can stop them, totally beyond her control and likely in response to the disgust in Sheila’s voice. As soon as they’re out, she wants to take them back, to rewind, to pretend it hadn’t happened, but she can’t.

Immediately, panic rises in Beca’s throat like bile; she’d never intended to come out like this, with just some throwaway comment that doesn’t even come close to describing the most important relationship in her life.

Warren stares at her, his expression blank and surprised. She can’t tell what he’s feeling, has no idea what he thinks of her. Sheila, cut off mid-sentence, only stares at her, mouth open. It makes her look very foolish.

Beca takes a bite of her sandwich in an attempt to settle her stomach. Her entire body is numb.

“What did you say?” Sheila asks quietly.

Beca can’t answer.

“You’re a dyke?”

The instant Sheila asks, Beca stiffens and grips her sandwich tightly, the word impaling her stomach like a knife.

Beca’s dad puts down his hamburger and turns to Sheila, his expression serious. “Hey, that’s not –”

“That’s what she said, Warren, not me. She said she’s a dyke.”

Beca’s ears are ringing and she struggles to catch her breath. This is all her fault. She’d messed up. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

“No, I said I’m dating Chloe,” she manages.

Sheila laughs, a cold scoff of a noise. “Same thing! Either way, it’s not natural,” she insists, then turns to Beca’s dad. “See, Warren, I told you they were too close, I told you it wasn’t right –”

Warren speaks over her, ignoring her scandalized expression. “While this is a, uh, surprise… we would love to get to know Chloe more, Beca,” he says kindly. “Why don’t you invite her over for dinner sometime?”

“Oh, sure, just encourage her!” Sheila throws her hands into the air, shutting down the idea before Beca can respond.

Beca puts down her sandwich, setting it back onto her plate. Her hands have started to shake.

A few people at the tables around them have tuned to stare, while simultaneously pretending they don’t notice anything amiss. Beca can only hope that the lesbian couple sitting behind her haven’t heard Sheila’s carrying voice.

“How long have you two been… how long has this been going on?” Warren asks carefully, compensating for Sheila by keeping the volume of his voice so low that Beca has to lean in to hear it.

“Um. Like three weeks,” Beca replies, not looking at him.

“Three weeks?!” Sheila gasps. “That’s – we saw you! Warren, I told you they’d been holding hands. I saw it!”

Beca knows she can’t lie.

“That was a date,” she whispers. On her plate, her food stares sadly back up at her.

There’s a beat of silence while Sheila and Warren absorb and process what she said. Beca’s eyes flick from the table to the door, mentally calculating how long it would take to for her to cross the distance.

“Beca, you’re confused,” Sheila begins in a sickly-sweet voice. “You’re not – what makes you think – how do you know you’re – like that?”

“How do you know you’re straight?” Beca fires back, meeting her in the eye for the first time in several minutes.

Sheila gapes at her in shock, while beside her, Warren seems to be trying to hide a smile. Beca shifts in her chair.

“You know what, I never liked this Chloe girl,” Sheila says pompously after a second, lifting her water glass to take a leisurely sip. “Suspicious type, and loud. Too friendly, like she wants something.”

“Sheila –”

“No, no, let me finish,” Sheila stops Warren and leans forward, extending a hand across the table to Beca, as if asking her to link their hands. Beca doesn’t touch it.

“Listen, Beca, honey,” she says quietly, adopting what is probably supposed to be a motherly tone. Beca hands curl into fists in her lap. “Did she persuade you? Is the threatening you with something if you don’t go along with her sick game? Has she touched you... inappropriately? We can bring her up on charges for that kind of thing.”

“Sheila!”

“It’s – that’s – no!” Beca argues back desperately, her eyes starting to sting. “I asked her out! I’ve wanted to date her for a long time!”

“I’m sure that’s what she let you believe –”

“No, that’s how I feel! I’m in love with her!”

“She’s brainwashed you into feeling something you don’t! You aren’t in love with her!”

Silence follows Sheila’s shout. Around them, the restaurant stills and heads turn in their direction. Warren shifts, looking awkward and uncomfortable, and reaches for his hamburger as if his wife and daughter aren’t engaged in a heated argument.

Gradually, the other diners around them return to their own business, and the soft hum of conversation around them resumes.

Beca breathes hard, staring at her plate again, trying to calm herself down. Yelling isn’t getting her anywhere. She needs to get out.

Before she can, though, Sheila says, much more softly, “Is that why you broke up with Jesse?”

“Oh my god!” Beca stares at her, incredulous. “Is that all you care about?”

“You broke up with him to be with – with Chloe?” Sheila presses, closing her eyes briefly as if Chloe’s name is a disgusting swear word.

“No, I – well, yeah, but it’s not –” Beca doesn’t even know what she’s saying anymore. She can barely hear her own voice over the pounding in her ears.

“You said you like women now.”

“I –”

Sheila leans forward again, glancing around to see whether she still has an audience. Satisfied that no one seems to be watching them, she says grimly, “You know what, I knew it was wrong to leave you with your mother for so long.”

“What?” Beca gasps, bewildered.

Warren looks up from his burger sharply, his eyes flicking between Sheila and Beca.

“Beca, I need you to be honest with me now,” Sheila continues. “Were you ever molested as a child? Did that turn you away from men?”

Beca’s jaw falls open. She can’t think of a single thing to say.

“Oh my god,” Warren hisses, angry for the first time. “You can’t honestly believe that!”

“She hasn’t answered, Warren.”

He turns to Beca, looking exasperated. With a sick pang, Beca realizes he actually expects her to answer the question.

She’s never despised him more than she does in that moment.

“Of course I wasn’t molested,” she spits out through gritted teeth, her face warming with rage. “That’s just – that’s disgusting.”

Sheila sits back in her chair, annoyed. “No, honey, that’s us trying to get to the root of this problem. I know the marriage equality passing must be confusing, and I’m so sorry about that. You aren’t – you’re not gay, Beca. I think, if you try to get back with Jesse, or just even if you find the right guy –”

Beca rises abruptly from the table, her hands slammed flat against its surface. Her entire body trembles with rage and she knows she’s about a second away from crying in anger, but she refuses to give Sheila the satisfaction.

“You know what?” she spits, taking petty satisfaction in how her father flinches away from her. “I’m done. I’m in love with Chloe, and that’s all it is. What you’re saying is – it’s –” Beca growls in rage, furious her words are failing her now. She takes a breath, then says with as much poise as she can muster, “You have to get used to it, or this is the last time we see each other.”

“Beca…”

Beca doesn’t even glance at her father. She reaches down, snatches her purse off the floor, and digs in it until she finds her wallet. Snapping it open, she fishes out a ten-dollar bill and throws it on the table, paying for her own meal.

Without another look at Warren and Sheila – and with a silent apology to everyone else in the restaurant, and especially to the lesbian couple – she walks away from the table, head held high.

“Beca!” Warren calls again, but she ignores him as completely as he’d ignored her when he’d walked out on her and her mom all those years ago.

She flings open the restaurant door, storms to Chloe’s car, fingers fumbling with the fob to unlock it. She has to try twice, but she eventually gets it, wrenches open the driver’s door, and throws herself in before slamming it.

Resting her forehead against the steering wheel, she draws desperate gulps of air into her lungs, trying to calm down so she can drive. She’s still trembling head to foot, and her throat and eyes burn with unshed tears. Squeezing her eyes closed, she imagines what’s happening inside the restaurant, wondering how long it will take her dad to come after her.

She imagines she has time to kill before that happens.

She yells out wordlessly in frustration; her heart still pounds and she wonders if she’s about to be sick. She knows she shouldn’t drive yet, but she needs to run, to escape from the mess she’d left behind.

Gritting her teeth, she starts Chloe’s car, turns the stereo up as loud as it can go, and, after fumbling with the seat belt until it clicks into place, tears out of the parking lot at top speed. It’s risky, and it’s stupid, and it’s impulsive, but she presses the accelerator down even further, her only thoughts of escape and of the home she has in Chloe’s arms.

[toxikbubblegum]

April Reading Review

April was a big month for me. After not reading for a long time, this month I've fallen back in love with it. So I've decided to log all the books I read from now on. To track and remember what I've read throughout the year. Sorry if I shit on your favorite book.

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

The only book I DNF'd. I've tried to read this series 3 times since it came out and I just cant. I quit about half way through everytime. It's just extremely slow and I cant seem to get invested. The characters are bland and dont intrest me at all. Just didn't care for it in the slightest.

Need by Carrie Jones

Oh, was this a trip. And not a good one. Being completely honest I dont remember any of the characters names and I dont care enough about this title to look them up. I will refer to them by their stereotypes that were so fuckinh prevalent in this novel. 🙃 So the story is about this girl, your typical "look how quirky and plain I am" ya heroine for these B list supernatural romances, is sent to this little town in I want to say North Carolina, but dont quote me there. She moves in with her Grandma, who is 100% the best character in the book, after he dad mysterious drops dead on the kitchen floor. So, right off the bat we end up in the first day of school trope. Main character is in the office and here we meet a boy and a girl WHO ARE CLEARLY THE ANTAGONISTS OF BOOK. This may just be a me problem but I absolutely hate when I can unravel the entire book in the first few chapters. It feels like the author was lazy and didnt put enough effort into concealing the intent and weaving a mystery. I digress, the two main villains and the main love interest are all introduced within the first 3 chapters and like, it's made clear who these characters are meant to be. It honestly felt like the writer looked at a list of stereotype tropes and started checking them off. So yeah, weird shit starts happening and the main character is convinced someone in trying to kill her. Oh, theres also this overarching theme of high school boys wandering into the woods and disappearing. Conclusion: FAIRIES! Or pixies rather which arent really pixies but have the name forcefully sewn onto them in this novel. And shapeshifters are the towns only hope! Just ugh. I don't want to talk about this book anymore. It was awful and I wont be continuing the trilogy. I rated it 2 stars out of 5 right after I read it but I almost dont feel it deserves that now. Looking back on it, Need was just a dumpster fire.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White

This book was fantastic. No if, ands, or buts about it. It was one of the best books I've read this month. I'm usually not a big fan of horror retellings or historical fiction so I went in expecting to hate it and that absolutely wasnt the case. The book follows the story of Elizabeth Lavenza, the future wife of Victor Frankenstein, and her adventures prior to her marriage. I dont want to spoil too much because I think anyone who is a fan of suspense will love this novel. The side characters are usually my biggest critique in YA but the author worked magic with them. Justine and Mary were both angels and I loved them so much. It was just an all around good read that had me captivated from start to finish. 4.5/5 stars. Deducted a half point because I'm salty about the fate of my favorite character. Is that petty?

Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins

Again, another title I kind of expected to have issues with but didnt. The book definitely suffers from a lot of YA tropes but they are presented in a more interesting way than in Need. The story follows a budding witch named Sophia who is being sent to a magical reform school called Hecate Hall. But it's not your typical "I got sent to boarding school" story. The year before a witch had died under mysterious circumstances, her body completely drained of blood. Everyone thought it was Sophie's vampire roommate Jenna who did it but there was never enough evidence. And now its happening again. The story is great and while the cast suffered a bit from trope syndrome, the twists in the plot really made up for it. I would definitely give the trilogy a read if supernatural school settings are your thing. 4/5 stars.

Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins

The sequel to Hex Hall. The continuation was really good and had an ending I absolutely didnt see coming. Actually liked this entry better than the first in the series. I plan to continue the trilogy as well as the spin off novels. 4.5/5 Deducted half a point for the infuriatingly ambiguous ending cliffhanger.

Sweep by Cate Tiernan

This book was meh at best. It was a tiny book about a girl who becomes a witch. She gets super into wicca and because of a pagan boy at school. It wasnt great but it was semi accurate to the religion. I dont honestly even remember much about the book. It went in one ear and out theother. Solid 3/5.

Splintered by A.G. Howard

This. Book. Is. Wonderful. It's a retelling sort of thing of Alice in Wonderland. It follows a girl named Alyssa, who is the descendant of Alice Liddel, as she tries to break her family's curse of madness. It infects only the women of the line and will eventually drive them insane, as it has Alyssa's mom. The one blight on an otherwise perfect book is Jebidiah, Alyssa's crush. He is a trash character and I hate him. I have so many problems with him that it would take far to long to list. My biggest one is that he is mildly abusive and extremely controlling. Just in the first part of the story he intentionally ruins Alyssa's education opportunity to study abroad purely for selfish reasons, forces his way into her home when he was asked to leave, goes through her belongings after being told not to, gives off major stalker vibes, and consistently treats her like his property. His presence was such a fucking stain on an otherwise lovely romp. Honestly, Morpheus and the twisted world building were what saved the book for me. Howard did such a brilliant job weaving together a demented version of an already dark land. 4.5/5. Gotta take a half point for the oozing, cancerous sore that is Jebidiah Holt.

[asterlizard]

SF cherry blossom festival 2019

Sorry this is a month late! I had almost no time to write this earlier because of school.

(This is also a rough draft journal entry because my current cosplay blog is not up to date yet, and I don’t have all of the photos I want to share from the event yet, but I wanted to get this journal out there in the hopes of maybe connecting with people)

I cosplayed as Snufkin btw!

I went with a friend who didn’t cosplay (In retrospect I think she should have cosplayed Little My because she had red hair at the time, and we could have been mischievous siblings together). She recently went to the UK and she remarked to me how different/weird the UK is compared to the US, and I smile knowingly (but for the reverse reason)

Funny enough, there were a couple of cosplayers at the BART station we started at (which was almost the furthest station away). I hoped they would notice us, but they kept walking away...

The Civic Center where the parade started had an outdoor exhibition on Holocaust survivors (argh I wish I had a proper look at it)

There weren’t as many cosplayers as I had been used to in previous events I attended, but there were a lot of cool ones

An awesome Tokoyami cosplay (but I felt bad for him because it was a hot day and he was wearing a dark outfit)

Jedi Elsa!

At one point, a couple of pikachus showed up, and a bunch of small children ran up to hug them, it was adorable (the children were from another part of the parade)

Unfortunately I didn’t get much of a chance to interact with others this time, as I stuck with my friend pretty much the entire time. Since we both watched BNHA, our recurring joke of the day was Iida’s arm gesture thing, and scolding people for sitting on desks while making the gesture.

We also wandered about the place to pass the time, and we found a separate section of the parade devoted to shiba inus

LOOK AT THE PUPPOS

As we finally lined up for the parade (I remarked in the past that everyone would start ‘amoeba-ing’, but everyone was more cooperative, possibly because there weren’t as many people?) I brought up Hetalia at some point and how I wouldn’t expect anything related to it anymore (ngl, I kinda miss the years when it was more popular), and one of the cosplayers overheard us and actually talked with us very briefly about it. I’m glad my expectations were wrong! ouo)b

Parade antics:

Moving a very short distance every 10 minutes while the rest of the parade progressed ahead of us (’Hooray! 5 feet!’)

A drill sergeant routine (someone in the background made a comment, and the ‘drill sergeant’ replies, ‘WHAT THAT GUY SAID’)

Chanting about cosplay (I couldn’t shout because my voice was already half dead from shouting above the noise on the train and such :’D )

Joseph Joestar losing his hat from a gust of wind, and a loud ripple of ‘OH NOOOOO’, ‘OH MY GOOODDD’, ‘SON OF A BIIIITCH’, etc. ensued for like half a minute (I haven’t seen the series, but I admire the outfits)

The megaphone girl being very genki and cheering us on

The parade was almost done, and my feet were hurting, and it was hot and I was hungry. I got a couple of cheers from the audience who recognized my cosplay :D

When our section of the parade ended, we dispersed (Tokoyami was nowhere to be found at this point). I try to weave through the crowds and meet up with my friend and then we ate dango :P Although the food was cold, it wasn’t enough, so I got a shaved ice to combat the heat of indoors (it worked!)

Meanwhile, I’ve seen like 4 Dekus, 3 or 4 Todorokis, an Uraraka, another Tokoyami, and a Toga. There was also a little girl dressed as Froppy (cute!)

My friend and I decided to wander around outside Japantown, and we eventually wound up at the Peace Plaza where we got to watch some of the performances (I hadn’t done this before!)

Ahhh, my heart warms seeing open celebrations of other cultures.

These three dubbed themselves the ‘Birthday Boys’ because it was their birthdays that day. Their routine was very entertaining, the audience got to participate in a hayashi kotoba, in which we repeat chants from the singer.

We also got to learn the Awa Odori dance, which is incredibly simple to do. (Armed with these skills, I’m prepared for any spontaneous chanting or dancing!)

And of course, Detective Pikachu was there. His hat kept falling off, and everybody responded like it was a tragedy.

There was a cosplay segment where we got to see all of the cosplayers who entered for this segment. The theme was ‘heroes and villains’, and everyone dressed for their side accordingly. Coincidentally enough, there were an equal amount of heroes and villains. My personal favourites were the Jedi Elsa and Samurai Darth Vader, though I kinda expected BNHA to show up at some point, considering (y’know) the theme

It was getting late at this point, and we needed to leave fairly soon, so we left to go eat okonomiyaki (because we were short on time, I planned on quickly shopping for Japanese snacks as soon as we ordered our meals, and then returning, but what I was looking for wasn’t in stock :< )

After eating, as we were leaving, I saw Samurai Darth Vader eating at the restaurant hours later, which is a funny visual to me for some reason. We very briefly browsed the shops (the manga shop as well, of course) another person recognized my cosplay, and we briefly talked about Snufkin.

Even though we just ate, my friend wanted a crepe, and while we were waiting for it, someone else said they liked my costume (I got a total of 5 acknowledgements? Considering how obscure the character is, I’ll take it! More than my last visit!)

When we were done, we now had to find a way of getting home. We didn’t want to walk all the way back to the BART station that was next to the Civic Center (we’re sore from walking, and it was suspicion hour), the bus would have taken just as long, but a Lyft was our fastest option (I never did it before!)

I saw the two cosplayers were still at Japantown by the time we were leaving, and I hoped we could coincidentally ride home on BART together again, but I don’t think that happened, oh well...

Eventually we got back at around 8pm, and I got home at around 9pm.

[momentofmemory]

THOUGHTS ON AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

OKAY SO, we’re starting broad and non-spoiler-y BUT IT WILL GET SPOILER-Y. There will be a cut and a verbal warning at that point, but still.

META: I was so impressed by the level of skill that they had to have to balance 70+ characters and not make it feel awkward af. Like the way they cut up the characters into various blocks made for a lot of fun and surprising character interactions that felt shockingly unforced. Also, PRAISE BE that the Russos are in charge of this like?? They’re such good directors and so much better suited for this than Joss was.

MUSIC: Fantastically done with plenty of cues that weave together without being annoying. So glad they brought back Silvestri (he did Avengers 1 Cap 1 and now this one and is responsible for the original Avengers theme). I like the clear introductions of the Guardians & Wakanda via music; my theater was pumped before the visuals even caught up.

TYPOGRAPHY: Much classier than Civl War’s AND NOW WE’RE IN A NEW PLACE AND YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THE LOCATION FILLS THE ENTIRE STUPID SCREEN. The choice of a super thin serif font was unusual and I’m still not sure how I feel about it, but the extra leading definitely helped them to feel less in your face this time. Points for that.

END CREDITS SCENE: It exists but you gotta wait all the way to the end. I say this because after TEN YEARS we still got people walking out, why do they never learn

OKAY NOW ON WITH THE MOVIE. WHICH MEANS SPOILER TIME.

…LIKE LOTS OF THEM.

YOU WERE WARNED.

Thor’s intro with the Guardians was amazingly hilarious. I thought in general this movie was great at balancing comedy and drama without either detracting from the other.

Loki's final words "You will never be a god" was an A++ smack down and his and Hiemdall’s deaths were a great and terrible way to start off :( :( :(

I adored the Rocket "Rabbit" + Thor scenes. Everything about the “time to be the captain” scene was amazing; Thor’s smiling through his tears and heartbreak was uggggh (I love how he hides behind comedy to deal with his pain in contrast to how Rocket hides behind arrogance; Thor basically has Rocket’s character development but from three movies onward).

I also love that they had that moment where Thor says he has nothing left to lose, and Rocket suddenly realizes he "has everything to lose.” And then at the end he's the only Guardian left OH MY THOR WHYYYYY *sob*

I love Peter & Peter interacting, can we have more of that pls?

Star Lord being like "Am I supposed to say Jesus??" when Strange asked who his master is I DIED

teen!Groot using his arm to make Thor's hammer was a fantastic tiny moment of using someone in a small but character-specific way and I love that??

Speaking of, Bucky picking up Rocket and pinwheeling with both guns was amazingly hilarious and also possibly the only example of when double-fisting guns with good aim is possible since he’s technically still only aiming one?

Okay now CAN WE TALK ABOUT Steve Sad-Eyes Rogers™ managing to stay alive for this movie praise be mah boy’s alive for one more?? I FEEL SO ALIVE.

But really Steve is Depressed™ for this entire film but still as badass as ever and did they really have to have him watch Bucky die in front of him? AGAIN?? *insert LEAVE HIM ALONE gif here*

Also he’s sad™ in this movie which means when he dies in the next film HE WILL NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY SINCE 1945 and that is just devastating someone save my boy *channels inner Mama Byers*

Okay but then let’s talk about Thanos (arguably one of the best villains in the Marvel universe, second to Killmonger [Loki is so far from a straight villain it’s not even funny so he doesn’t count. I mean he’s funny. But not—you know what I mean]). Anyway I ADORE what they did with his character. He’s perfectly sadistic and twisted yet you almost kind of get it? He’s a logical, lawful evil kinda guy with a great, subtly done backstory and he’s actually pretty “chill.” Minus the whole murdering the entire universe thing.

Using Gamora as the emotional pull for Thanos to humanize him/provide motivation was genius and perfectly captures that love/hate abusive relationship. And I love that he “loves” her because in his way he does (even though his way is totally 100% evil, cool motive still murder etc.). 

Like in the throne room scene that’s such a clear parallel to “rebellious daughter comes home to misunderstood father” scene and it’s PLAYED SO WELL. Abusers are evil and, you know, abusive. But the thing about them, what makes it so hard to get out of those relationships, is that they do “care.” It’s that tiny piece of care that makes getting away from the infinitely larger evil so hard.

Even the scene where Thanos meets Quill is interesting in that light because it’s actually a “meet the parents” moment and Thanos doesn’t kill him basically because Gamora loves him? And even says he likes him?????

Quill losing it because of Gamora dying incidentally was a totally tragic but understandable character moment. Does he destroy half the galaxy because of it? …Yeah. Does it still make sense? …Yeah.

Okay but going back to Thanos, the genius of the Gamora + Thanos arc is that the entire emotional core for our baddie comes from Guardians of the Galaxy, the B-list movie no one thought would really work and almost seemed like an after thought to Phase II. And that “throwaway” “long shot” film wound up being the lynch pin to the entire series and I love that.

Despite the Vision/Scarlet Witch romance being relatively undeveloped I thought it still worked pretty well and that last scene where she has to kill him and then IT FORKING DOESN’T MATTER was like??? Devastating??? And she looked practically relieved to be one of the ones that dies???

And finally

I WILL NEVER BE OVER PETER STILL A TEENAGER PARKER BEING TERRIFIED OF DYING. EVER. SOMEONE SAVE THAT CHILD. Dear lord when he’s all like “I’m sorry” at the end I am slain. Tony Stark better have his stock in good shape ‘cause he’s gonna need to hire some hellagood therapists for him the Avengers AND THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE.

Just.

Augh.

WANTED: 1 Time Stone, 1 use only. May 2019. Willing to pay in blood & tears, most of which have already been spilled. 

[uclaradio]

UCLA Radio’s Best of 2017 - Music and Genre Directors

This year, UCLA Radio’s music director and genre directors compiled a list of their favorite releases this past year. Take a peek and explore some of our favorite albums of this past year. 

Alison Chi - Music Director

1. SZA - Ctrl

I don’t know a single person who doesn’t like SZA’s sophomore album Ctrl. There are so few albums that can capture people’s attention these days - it’s all about the singles and never the album as a whole but something about Ctrl is cohesive from start to finish. The way each song weaves into each other is seamless and you’ll truly be rewarded if you sit down and listen to the album straight through. Is there even a single bad song on this album? 

2. Giraffage - Too Real 3. Slowdive - Slowdive 4. Turnover - Good Nature 5. Land of Talk - Life After Youth 6. Cigarettes After Sex - Cigarettes After Sex 7. Julien Baker - Turn Out the Lights 8. Valerie June - The Order of Time 9. Slow Dancer - In A Mood 10. Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked at Me

Megan Hullander - Rock Genre Director

1. King Gizzard & The Flying Wizard - Flying Microtonal Banana

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard’s Flying Microtonal Banana was the first in a series of five albums promised to be released in 2017 (one of which has still yet to come) including a concept album ridden with the drama of human and non-human emotions, a jazzy collaboration with Mild High Club, and an album given as a gift to fans - the rights of which are “owned” by all. Flying Microtonal Banana is unique in that the band customized their instruments in effort to find spaces between existing tones, or “microtones.” The album is named for one of these instruments which does, in fact, look quite similar to a banana. 

2. Thee Oh Sees - Orc 3. The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Open Minds Now Close 4. Alex Cameron - Forced Witness 5. Ron Gallo - Temporary Slave 6. Ariel Pink - Dedicated to Bobby Jameson 7. Ty Segall - Sentimental Goblin 8. ORB - Naturality 9. Kikagaku Moyo - Stone Garden 10. Courtney Barnett & Kurt Vile - Lotta Sea Lice

Gabe Cortina - Rock Genre Director

1. Limp Wrist - Facades

Featuring Martin from Los Crudos on vocals as well as members of Hail Mary, Devoid of Faith, By the Throat, and Kill the Man Who Questions, the versatility of Limp Wrist sound has never been more apparent. Identifying as queercore, the band has a fast hardcore sound and lyrical themes concerning gay identity politics. The mixing of album is something which also stood out to me, it’s able to polished without sounding over produced. Martin’s vocal style perfectly matches the killer riffs and speedy drums in both intensity and aggression. Halfway through this album, the band’s sound switches to a disco-ey almost dark-wave- techno sound which they pull of with perfection. This album is solid and I highly recommend it to both longtime fans of punk and people who are looking for an introduction to punk music alike.

2. Despise You / Coke Bust - Split LP 3. Gay Kiss - Rounded Down 4. Exit Unit - St 2017 5. Glue - S/T MLP 6. Lumpy and the Dumpers - Those Pickled Fuckers 7. Goolagoon / ACxDC - Split 8. Burnout - West Coast Tour 2017 CS 9. Sex Prisoner / Harm Done - Split 10. Meth Leppard - Discography 2015-2017

Gabe Punk Genre Director Top 10 Albums of 2017 from anon-10212970514769336 on 8tracks Radio

Alana Enriquez - Pop Genre Director

1. Beach House - B-Sides and Rarities

This compilation happened to be release on a day where I had only gotten around an hour of sleep the night before, and I cried within one minute of the first track. It’s Beach House at their most dreamy, their most blaring, their most haunting. Old tracks with new renditions and fresh ones meld into something spellbinding that doesn’t require the logistical unity of a formal album. B-Sides and Rarities has been on a weekly rotation for me for the entire second half of 2017, and probably for the entirety of 2018, unless they release something else for me to cry to during my morning routine. 

2. Florist - If Blue Could Be Happiness 3. High Bloom - Implied Sun 4. Alvvays - Antisocialites 5. The Drums - Abysmal Thoughts 6. Slowdive - Slowdive 7. Steve Lacy - Steve Lacy’s Demo 8. You’ll Never Get to Heaven - Images 9. Pedro Infante - Cien años... pensando en ti 10. Big Thief - Capacity

Alana Myers - Pop Genre Director

1. Wolf Alice - Visions Of A Life

Looking back at this past September, I remember sitting in my apartment late at night, counting down until midnight when Wolf Alice’s second record Visions of a Life would be released. I haven’t ever heard anything quite like Visions of a Life before, and I think the reason it resonates so much with me is the way it perfectly encompasses the feelings that come with the uncertainty of young adulthood, and the feelings of life in general - love, anger, sadness, extreme joy, and everything in between. The album digs itself into darkness, but at its core, lies a piece of work that is ambitious, honest, and a solid listen from start to finish.

2. MUNA - About U 3. Tei Shi - Crawl Space 4. Declan McKenna - What Do You Think About the Car? 5. Stormzy - Gang Signs & Prayer 6. Will Joseph Cook - Sweet Dreamer 7. HAIM - Something to Tell You 8. Lorde - Melodrama 9. Paramore - After Laughter 10. Circa Waves - Different Creatures

Alex Saakyan - Pop Genre Director

1. Lana Del Rey - Lust For Life

With an album cover that graces a smile, cheek to cheek of Lana Del Rey, it is no surprise as to why this record has been nicknamed as Del Rey’s first ‘happy album.’ Retiring from the ‘sad girl’ aesthetic of her previous records, Del Rey delivers an optimistic and authentic approach to her music. With tracks like ‘When the World Was at War’ and ‘God Bless America’ we see Del Rey take a more honest approach from her Americana aesthetic as she speaks of the hard times people in this country face. With tracks like ‘Get Free’ she delivers her mission statement: “Finally, I’m crossing the threshold/From the ordinary world/To the reveal of my heart,” She’s honest, she’s free, with a much optimism and a lust for life. 

2. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN. 3. Lorde - Melodrama 4. Kelela - Take Me Apart 5. Majid Jordan - The Space Between 6. Harry Styles - Harry Styles 7. Calvin Harris - Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 8. Tyler, the Creator - Flower Boy 9. Dua Lipa - Blow Your Mind 10. Kesha - Rainbow

Christian Wright - World Genre Director

1. Jay Som - Everybody Works

Melina Duterte’s sophomore album is a bedroom production jewel. Every song, incredibly cohesive as a whole, traverses the beautifully lush sonic worlds her mind seemingly conjures up. That’s not to say the ten tracks that span Everybody Works are simple happenstances that fall together nicely; they definitely sound like labors of love. Rather her voice, certain of itself, transmits to the listener so powerfully, making sense out of all the disorder that comes with self-doubt and personal struggle. “Won’t forget to climb,” she sings on E.W’s. final track, “For Light,” beautifully steering the qualms of trying to make it in this world.

2. Nikolas Escudero - Synthesis 3. Haley Heynderickx - Unpeeled (Live) 4. Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up 5. Bedouine - Beduoine 6. Japanese Breakfast - Soft Sounds from Another Planet 7. Lomelda - Thx 8. Hand Habits - Wildly Idle (Humble Before the void) 9. Kevin Morby - City Music 10. Wednesday Campanella - Superman

Ethan Lee - Jazz Genre Director

1. Nick Hakim - Green Twins

Nick Hakim blurs the line between psychedelic, soul, funk, rock, and jazz with his debut album, Green Twins. With lush melodies to command his songs and a spacey approach to recording production, Hakim creates his own unique sound and challenges the notions and implications of a music genre.  With a brand of sound that emulates Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Hakim's soundscape fills in colorful textures with his diverse instrumentation on top of steady, pulse-like rhythms.  From spacey, reflective post-R&B rock songs like "Bet She Looks Like You" to jazzy, rhythmic pulses in "Miss Chew" and slow, soulful ballads like "Needy Bees," Green Twins has just about everything you need in a debut album from an artist as complex as Nick Hakim.

2. Tyler the Creator - Flower Boy 3. Kamasi Washington - Harmony of Difference 4. Rex Orange County - Apricot Princess 5. Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah - Diaspora 6. Moses Sumney - Aromanticism 7. Steve Lacy - Steve Lacy’s Demo 8. Brockhampton - Saturation II 9. Smino - blkswn 10. Antonio Sanchez - Bad Hombre

Mark Edmonds - Electronic Genre Director

1. Moon Boots - First Landing

First Landing is Moon Boots' debut album. Moon Boots manages a deep overtone with techy-melodies. 'Never Get to You' is a standout track that will light up any dance floor or pool party. 

2. Rezz - Mass Manipulation 3. Oliver - Full Circle 4. Various Artists - Anjunadeep Vol. 9 5. Illenium - Awake 6. Giraffage - Too Real 7. Four Tet - New Energy 8. Odesza - A Moment Apart 9. Cosmic Gate - Materia Chapter.Two 10. Bicep - Bicep

Beliz Urkmez - Electronic Genre Director

1. Lorde - Melodrama

For me, Lorde's music means emotion in its purest, most honest form. Her sophomore album, Melodrama, captures her youth, her growth, her path to becoming a woman of her own and loving herself and all the ephemeral experiences in between. Mastering her craft, Lorde finds a cohesion between her atmospheric synths, harmonies, beats and the bittersweet wisdom in her lyrics. Especially in "Liability," a beautiful piano-ballad where she sings, "I understand, I'm a liability/ Get you wild, make you leave/ I'm a little much for everyone." Lorde is truly one of a kind and Melodrama proves she is one of the best artists today.

2. Gorillaz - Humanz 3. London Grammar - Truth Is a Beautiful Thing 4. HAIM - Something to Tell You 5. Alexandra Savior - Belladonna of Sadness 6. Temples - Volcano 7. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Who Built the Moon? 8. Wolf Alice - Visions of a Life 9. Cigarettes After Sex - Cigarettes After Sex 10. Mura Masa - Mura Masa

Alex Ivanova - Folk/Singer-Songwriter Genre Director

1. Kiran Leonard - Derevaun Seraun

This is probably the most sonically beautiful album I’ve listened to in years. 22-year-old Kiran Leonard blends voice, piano, and string trio into an album with each movement representing a different piece of literature, seeing as the album was written to celebrate the re-opening of Manchester’s Central Library. The album is intensely personal, and raw, as Leonard’s voice is in the spotlight, accompanied by mournful accompaniment. I recommend this album endlessly.

2. The Spirit of the Beehive - pleasure suck 3. Jay Som - Everybody Works 4. Joan of Arc - He’s Got the Whole This Land Is Your Land in His Hands 5. Kindling - Hush 6. Синекдоха Монток - MMXVII (Parts 1 & 2) 7. Phoebe Bridgers - Stranger in the Alps 8. Sidney Gish - Ed Buys Houses 9. Tagubu & Klimperei - I Don't Remember The First Time  10. Nnamdi Ogbonnaya - DROOL

[inonibird]

Ok, I’m a babby-n00b fan (it’s been what, two weeks, three?), but I really frickin’ love the band The Dear Hunter and I want to gush about their music and I enjoy ranking things so...yeah, here’s me talking about my favorite songs from the Acts. (no major story spoilers)

Please feel free to completely ignore if you aren’t interested in my semi-coherent and less-than-sophisticated ramblings. X’D

First of all, if you aren’t familiar with these concept albums, the Acts (I-V as of 2016) tell the ongoing story about the life and death of a character known as “the Boy” or “the Dear Hunter”. Leitmotifs, repeated lyrics and reprises abound. Basically prog rock opera. *two thumbs up* I dig it, obviously. Picking a top 10 list is ROUGH, man, so I’m going to take a cue from the Nostalgia Critic and bump it up to 11. Even then, I have far too many honorable mentions. LOOK, ALL OF THIS MUSIC IS GREAT OK??? But these are my personal favorites:

11. “Life and Death” - “We stand here waaaaittiiiiinnnggg, waiting to diiiiiieeeee~” UUGGHH it gets me every time. Both the lyrics and the music itself capture something that is sweet, heartbreaking, depressing and yet hopeful all at once. The gentle piano reprise plays us out of one of my favorite Acts.

10. “Wait” - Probably the most…hmm, “popular-sounding” songs on my list. I tend to gravitate toward the theatrical numbers, and while this one plays out a bit more like a typical rock song, it’s really frickin’ good. REALLY good. I mean, it wouldn’t be on my list if I didn’t love it to bits. CHORD PROGRESSIONS.

9. “The Most Cursed of Hands / Who Am I” - This was not at all a song I was expecting to like, but LOOK AT IT NOW! All I had to do was keep listening, dammit. The slow build pays off around the middle, then it BOMBARDS you with bluesy awesomeness (as well as a fleeting, nifty callback to “Mustard Gas”; more on that one soon, haha) up through the groovy, slick “Who Am I”. Great combo.

8. “At the End of the Earth” - I usually measure my love of a song based off of how much I rock out to them in the car, and I’m less inclined to listen to slower tunes in that instance. That said, this one is just so poignant and builds up to a  excellent, powerful jam. And guess what? Chord progressions. :B

7. “Mustard Gas” - "HERE THEY ARE!” *BUM BUM BUH BUM BUM BUH* This one blasts it out of the park with its orchestrations (dat brass), and we’re definitely getting into the “sing at the top of your lungs in the car” territory at this part of the list. The middle section is a delightful, unexpected treat sandwiched between the bombast. So yeah. War sucks. Song rocks.

6. “King of Swords (Reversed)” - This song was SO UNEXPECTED. The first time I heard it, I was actually pissed off. I didn’t even make it past 10 seconds, just skipped to the next track. When I finally went back and forced myself to get through it…well, color me contrite. That CHORUS. And the last 30 or so seconds of the song proper (before the outro) gives off such an awesome Jesus Christ Superstar vibe. This jumped so high on my list SO FAST.

5. “A Beginning” - This song MURDERS me. As the finale for Act V, it obviously packs narrative punch, and there’s no way I can have listened to the entire story so far and NOT be super emotional about this ending. It’s gorgeous. It’s powerful. It’s heart-rending. It’s a goddamn frisson bomb. And I cry every time. No, you don’t understand. EVERY. TIME. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that I cry easily (and I get extremely worked up about beautiful music), but damn this one hits me hard. All I have to do is THINK the words “Dear apparition” and WHOOPS there go my glottis and tear ducts. There’s also a cool parallel with Act IV’s closer, “Ouroboros”...but I think the melody works better here. ;)

4. “The Pimp and the Priest” - From the skeevy muted trumpet at the outset to the cringe-worthy concepts strung through the lyrics, this song ooooozes with mood-setting villainy. This is a fantastic introduction to the main antagonist (my favorite character, of course), and by far my favorite song from the first Act. That chorus STICKS, man. This one’s a gem. A gross gem. I love it. :’D

3. “The Poison Woman” - Hey, speaking of the Pimp/Priest, did you miss him in Act III? Well, I did, because I listened to all of this shit out of order. BUT YES, fortunately, the Poison Woman was here to fill the void. This is far and away my favorite chorus of any song. Casey’s voice sounds amazing up there in the stratosphere, and it’s just so much damn good, messed-up fun.

2. “The March” - Now, I understand this may not seem fair. This song is a mash-up of so many songs that came before it (many of which I haven’t even listed in my top 11; an exception being “Wait”, which took me an embarrassingly long time to realize)…but y’know what? I don’t care. This is such a fantastic integration of those themes and a perfect culmination of the Pimp/Priest’s character. Still pure villainy, of course, but twisted into something that feels almost righteous, given the spoilerific circumstances. I am head over heels for this one. The vocal arpeggios in the verses and just…the whole…mob scene vibe…so good…a triumph… *dead*

1. “The Bitter Suite IV and V: The Congregation and the Sermon in the Silt” - Who here is remotely surprised? This was my introductory song to The Dear Hunter and it will always be my favorite. I’ve loved villain songs all my life. I remember when I was a wee child, my friend and I were “playing the Little Mermaid” and I insisted that SHE be Ariel so I could be Ursula and sing “Poor Unfortunate Souls”. I mean, duh, right? Anyway, this song has everything that I love, not the least of which being an oom-pah baseline AND AN ACTUAL CONTRABASSOON HOLY SHIT SO GOOD. Theatricality, lyrics that verge on the edge of patter, incredible orchestrations, more of that delicious Vaudevillian vibe, the subject matter, the sleaze OH GOD THE SLEAZE, that frickin’ build-up/transition from The Congregation TO the Sermon in the Silt, “HEY HEY KID HEY KID GET A GOD”—I—just… *rolls around in the beautiful filth forever*

Honorable Mentions:

“The Writing on a Wall” / “Rebirth” / “Regress” - I couldn’t pick one. All three of these set the mood so well for their respective albums. Excuse me while I go harmonize with each of them right now.

“Moon / Awake” - It’s NOT FAIR that this song has so much crossover with “A Beginning”. But “A Beginning” is more significant to me emotionally, and I decided it would be a bit much to put this one in my top 11 list as well. Still, amazing bookends for the album. And I can listen to this without crying. Usually. :’D

“He Said He Had a Story” - This song is so wrong. So very, very wrong. I feel horrible for loving it as much as I do, but half the love is for how much it makes you HATE the character singing it. The other half is because it’s catchy as hell.

“Blood of the Rose” - Oh, look, an Act II song. I guess people really like Act II? Ehh. It doesn’t have the production values or symphonic lavishness that I adore in the final three Acts. Still, this mournful tango gives me chills.

“The Flame (Is Gone)” - An unconventional little tune, but those beguiling chord progressions, as well as the narrative significance...and when I realized what was happening in the song…no spoilers, but whoof.

“Blood” - IF ONLY FOR THE CLIMACTIC INTERWEAVING OF THE PIMP/PRIEST’S THEME. It’s so damn cathartic in the context.

“The Revival” - It didn’t seem right not to include this one in my favorites, being pretty damn villainous, but there is something about it that falls a tiny bit short for me. Maybe it just needs more oom-pahs? That said, the chorus is another winner.

“If All Goes Well” - I really, really wished I cared more for the first 2:25 of the song, because the rest is PURE GOLD. It’s beautiful. And there is more bassoon. Inoni approves.

Gosh, so much good music. And so many reprises that weave leitmotifs in and out of the narrative and really bring the story together as a fantastic, cohesive whole. So much love.

…Now do I have to rank the Acts? 8(

Nah. Nope. Can’t do it. III, IV & V are too close to call. Too good in different ways, too good for different moods. Just...all the love, yeah.

Anyway, guess it’s time to explore the rest of their music! So happy that there’s so much more to hear~ 83c