#azriel shadowsinger week
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Why is Azriel so "different"?On Dusk, Hel and the Valg...
This post was written for @azrielappreciationweek Days 1, 2 and 3: Cool Quiet, Scarred and Belonging
Disclaimer: the following is only a theory which, as usual, makes no claim of being canon. It's LONG, even though I've almost certainly forgotten to add some thoughts I've misplaced. I'm sorry, but by the time I realised how stupidly long it would be I cbf splitting it up into smaller posts, so... no offence taken if this gets chucked into the too-hard basket.
My thanks, as always, go out to the lovely @wingedblooms, @ladynightcourt3 (the queen of quotes), @silverlinedeyes, @psychologynerd, @elrieldreamer, @cassianfanclub @shitwillnotbegiven, and anyone else who has helped me process my thoughts along the way. đ
Spoilers: the entire Maasverse is referenced, reader beware.
One theory that seems to be (mostly lol) accepted across the fandom is that Azriel, the shadowsinger of Prythian's Night Court, may be more than simply Illyrian. Back in 2021, before reading the Crescent City series, I had wondered whether he might be descended from the Dusk Court (here, here and here), but after HOSAB was published - and then HOFAS especially - I had other thoughts. This post is just incredibly fucking belated.
Firstly, what evidence do we have to suggest that Azriel is different?
Quite a bit, in my opinion. From the moment Feyre met Azriel back in ACOMAF, there have been hints that, even beyond his seven siphons, he is not your average Illyrian warrior. That he may, in fact, be significantly different even to Rhys and Cassian.
As we can see, Feyre felt his otherness right from the start.
But the second male, the more classically beautiful of the two ⌠Even the light shied from the elegant planes of his face. With good reason. Beautiful, but near-unreadable. Heâd be the one to look out forâthe knife in the dark. Indeed, an obsidian-hilted hunting knife was sheathed at his thigh, its dark scabbard embossed with a line of silver runes Iâd never seen before. Rhys said, âThis is Azrielâmy spymaster.â Not surprising. Some buried instinct had me checking that my mental shields were intact. Just in case. - ACOMAF, chapter 16
Now, there's a lot to unpack in that brief passage - and I aim to do so over the course of this post - but let's begin with Feyre's instinct to ward against Azriel; a reaction that was unique to him. This was followed by further suggestions that Azriel is not purely Illyrian throughout the rest of the series, some of which are quite blatant.
Cassian finished his laughing. âIllyrians are certainly not High Fae. And glad of it.â He hooked his black hair behind an earârounded; as mine had once been. âAnd weâre not lesser faeries, though some try to call us that. Weâre justâIllyrians. Considered expendable aerial cavalry for the Night Court at the best of times, mindless soldier grunts at the worst.â âWhich is most of the time,â Azriel clarified. I didnât dare ask if those shadows were a part of being Illyrian, too. - ACOMAF, chapter 16
"You'll get used to itâthe wording," he said. Clinging to him so tightly, I couldn't see his face. I watched the light shift inside the sapphire Siphon instead, as if it were the great eye of some half-slumbering beast from a frozen wasteland. "I don't really know where I fit in any- more," I admitted, perhaps only because the wind was screeching around us and Rhys had already winnowed ahead to where Cassian's dark form flew-beyond the wall. "I've been alive almost five and a half centuries, and I'm not sure of that, either," Azriel said. - ACOMAF, chapter 22
Azriel just shook his head. "I'll go. The Prison sentries know meâwhat I am." - ACOWAR, chapter 16
I was rasping for breath, sweat sliding down my spine, by the time he said, "Good." He cleared his throat. "I know you're not Illyrian, but amongst their kind, it is considered inappropriate to touch someone's wings without permission. Especially females." Their kind. Not his. - ACOWAR, chapter 19
One glance at Azrielâs unreadable face and I added, âDonât bother to answer that.â A corner of Azrielâs mouth curled up, the shadows about him sliding over his neck like living tattoos, twins to the Illyrian ones marked beneath his leathers. Shadows different from anything my powers summoned, spoke to. Born in a lightless, airless prison meant to break him. Instead, he had learned its language. Though the cobalt Siphons were proof that his Illyrian heritage ran true, even the rich lore of that warrior-people, my warrior-people, did not have an explanation for where the shadowsinger gifts came from. They certainly werenât connected to the Siphons, to the raw killing power most Illyrians possessed and channeled through the stones to keep from destroying everything in its path. The bearer included. - ACOFAS, chapter 7
"Azriel can winnow all the time, though." "Az is different. In a lot of ways." His tone didn't invite further questioning. - ACOSF, chapter 16
He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. - ACOSF, Azriel's Bonus Chapter
There was even a hint or two about Azriel's possible Starborn heritage in HOFAS, thanks to Bryce.
âWhat have you done?â Azriel rasped, and Bryce twisted to find him on his feet, wings tucked in, Nesta leaning against him as if wounded, Ataraxia dangling from her grip. The male now held the Starsword at the ready, Truth-Teller gripped in his other hand. He must have had some sort of Starborn blood in him, thenâa distant ancestor, maybe. Or maybe his possession of the knife somehow allowed him to also bear the Starsword. - HOFAS, chapter 24
Obviously Azriel is still Illyrian, I don't know anybody who disputes that in a non-crack theory manner, but it seems likely to me that he's also something moreš. All of the above hints about his shadowsinging powers, his own feelings of otherness to his people, and - potentially² - his ability to smell the Elucien bond as Lanthys did Nessian, the fact that we have yet to meet his mother? Is it simple coincidence, or intentional hints?
I could definitely be wrong, but I'm choosing the latter.
š "More" as in quantity, not quality. This is by no means a diss at Cassian or Rhys.
² To be fair, the true mate theory could also explain this; by the point in ACOSF that Nesta and Cassian met Lanthys they'd already been intimate, even if their bond was not yet "accepted."
The Dusk Court
As mentioned above - here, here, and here - I've been wondering for a long while if Azriel could be connected to the Dusk Court (or what remains of it).
I'd even started a meta on it, one of many that I lost track of and then never got around to finishing because my magpie brain latched onto other shiny theories or books, but the gist of it was that Azriel's mother (or, more likely imo, a distant female relative, such as his grandmother) hailed from Dusk. Given I thought the Hewn City/Court of Nightmares was the Dusk Court acting as a sub court to the Night Court, I had written an entire spiel about how one of Lord Thanatos' troublesome daughters may have been this female ancestor who fell in love and had a child with an Illyrian warrior who died prematurely, leaving her with nothing (not even a family who would take her back, because Hewn City bullshit amiright? Especially if she was unable to have further children after birthing a winged child), and that we hadn't met Azriel's mother yet because she might have spoilery traits like small/different wings or her own shadows. I went a lot deeper - funnily enough, my thoughts actually mirrored quite a bit of Hunt's mother's relationship with the father he never met (HOFAS, chapter 61) - and even wondered if this was partly why the Darkbringers and Illyrian soldiers disliked each other in ACOWAR... but those are the basics.
HOSAB then gave a different sort of importance to Lord Thanatos, but I don't think it necessarily precludes my original theory being right somehow, especially as "daughter" might be used as loosely as "son" was by Apollion in HOFAS, to mean that some power was donated for their creation. Even now, I still suspect Azriel may have hidden - or even corrupted - Starborn powers, which should indicate some minimum level of Dusk-based heritage.
While we now know the Made blades can be wielded by the Starborn - descendants of the Dusk Court - in addition to Made faeries such as Elain Archeron, I always suspected that Truth-Teller was much more important than we knew from the start (and I know I'm not the only one intrigued by the blade). After reading Crescent City, the parallels between Azriel's and Ruhn's almost guardianship of their respective magical blades until a female characterÂł came along to activate their power seemed to be significant (though of course with Elain it's still hypothetical, as we haven't had her POV yet).
Âł Bryce may have been Theia's magical heir (though I suspect it may be through Ember rather than Einar), but she lives on Midgard - an entirely different planet. While the Archeron sisters may (or may not) spring from more humble beginnings than Fae royalty, imo they do share some notable parallels with Bryce and Theia herself. I discussed those in this post after HOSAB came out; since reading HOFAS, I suspect the Archeron sisters will grow to, as a unit, replace the Starborn magic that Bryce took, leaving Prythian unguarded. The power of three will set the land free, so to speak.
But back to Azriel. We know that Ruhn Danaan - the shadowy male who claimed the Starsword/Gwydion until a female associated with light came along and was able to activate its magic... sounds familiar, huh - is a Starborn prince who can wield shadows, and has some powers that appear similar to Az (shadow walking and mind speaking), though imo it may have been suggested that his light - aka Pelias' light - might be considered corrupt by Rigelus (while posing as Aidas).
Is Azriel's light magic corrupted as well?
âYou knew the last Starborn Queen?â Ruhn asked. Starlight glinted among Ruhnâs shadows, shimmering down the length of his sword. Aidasâs eyes now flared with a strange sort of rage as he looked upon the Fae Prince. âI did. And I knew the sniveling prince whose light you bear.â A ripple of stunned silence went through the room. [...] âTheia was dead by that point,â Aidas said flatly. âPelias slew her.â He nodded to the Starsword in Ruhnâs hand. âAnd stole her blade when heâd finished.â He snarled. âThat sword belongs to Theiaâs female heir. Not the male offspring who corrupted her line.â - HOSAB, chapter 15
Morvenâs shadows gathered at his fingers, his shoulders. Wild, angry shadows that Ruhnâs own balked to meet. They seemed corrupted somehow, like those Seamus and Duncan wielded mentally. âYou are Starborn. You have an obligation to our people.â - HOFAS, chapter 51
Further, Cormac and Morven Donnall are both Starborn and Avallen faeries, with "wild" shadows that seem to more closely mirror Azriel's own.
âHow the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?â Cassian tipped back his head and laughed, a full, rich sound that bounced off the ruddy stones of the House. Azrielâs brows flicked up with approval as the shadows seemed to wrap tighter around him. As if he were the dark hive from which they flew and returned. - ACOMAF, chapter 16
Azriel nodded his agreement, his shadows twining around him. Most of the camp women had ducked into their homes when heâd appeared. - ACOWAR, chapter 18
She set down her teacup. âIs that a threat, Shadowsinger?â Cassian took a long drink from his own tea. Drained it to the dregs. Azriel said coolly, âI donât need to resort to threats.â The shadows coiled around him, snakes ready to strike. - ACOSF, chapter 8
Azriel nodded his agreement, his shadows twining around him. Most of the camp women had ducked into their homes when heâd appeared. - ACOFAS, chapter 26
The thought was ⌠not comforting. But neither were the shadows that curled like snakes around the king, wild and twining. A coiled crown of them sat atop Morvenâs dark head, blacker than the Pit. - HOFAS, chapter 47
Without delving into the "why" of their wildness - was it the magical imbalance of the chained land that led to their wilder shadows, their prolonged proximity to an incredibly strong thin place (the obsidian or mists), was their line intentionally corrupted by a high power as Prythian's Cauldron was, or do they potentially have ties to demons, or the princes of Hel themselves? - it's not implausible to suggest that Azriel could also hail from the Starborn Fae of the Dusk Court, same as Rhys.
That being said, I think Hel will also play a part...
Prince of Hel
As I suggested in this reblog of @nikethestatue's post from way back when, I've been eyeing off one Lord Thanatos of the Hewn City (and his wayward, troublesome daughters) for a while. So when SJM dropped the bomb in HOSAB that the Prince of the Ravine, the soul eater, was called Thanatos, I was basically shaking my feet and screaming internally.
Because it had to be the same being, right? Right?!
I know I'm not the only one who noted the use of Thanatos' name, as others across the fandom have since suggested that Azriel may be related to the princes of Hel, or even be one himself... and as I've said before, I would not be surprised if this was the case (actually, at this point I would be shocked if Azriel wasn't related to the Hel Princes in some way, especially after what we learnt of Hunt's ancestry in HOFAS).
âFine,â Hunt cut in. âGreat, weâre protected.â He eyed the Prince of the Pit. His very bones shook, but he forced himself past his fear, his dread. âWhat the fuck did you mean by calling me son?â Thanatos scoffed. âYou are no son of his.â He yanked off his war helmet, cradling it under an arm. âIf anything, you are mine.â Huntâs knees buckled. âWhat?â [...] âBecause the Princes of Hel cannot be contained by the black crowns. The Asteri learned thatâit was their downfall. As you were made by Helâs princes, it should not be able to hold you.â Made by them? By these fuckers? - HOFAS, chapter 59
âCan we please rewind for a moment?â Bryce cut in. âYou guys made the thunderbirds to complement my powerâin case I never got the sword and knife, and if I ever needed a boost to open the Rift. But when they were hunted down, you ⌠made Hunt, and then I was born âŚâ âAthalar was already enslaved by then,â Aidas said, âbut we kept a close watch.â Apollion nodded to Hunt. âWhy do you think youâre so adept at hunting demons? Itâs in your bloodâpart of me is in your blood.â Nausea clawed its way up Huntâs throat. The thought of owing anything at all to the Prince of the Pit ⌠âJust as he gave over some of his essence for the kristallos,â Thanatos said, âso he gave something to me for you. His Helfire.â âHelfire?â Bryce demanded. âThe lightning,â Thanatos said, waving an irritated hand. âCapable of killing almost anything. Even an Asteri.â âThatâs how you killed Sirius?â Bryce asked. âWith your ⌠Helfire?â âYes,â Apollion said, then added to Hunt, âYour name was a nod to that, whispered in your motherâs ear as you were born. Orion ⌠master of Sirius.â âClever,â Hunt snapped, then demanded, âWaitâmy lightning can kill the Asteri?â Hope bloomed, bright and beautiful in his chest. âNo,â Apollion said. âIt is ⌠diluted from my own. It could harm them, but not kill them. I believe your motherâs angelic blood tempered my power.â - HOFAS, chapter 61
âYour father knew your mother briefly,â Aidas said. âAnd he knew having a partner would help lift her from her poverty. He had every intention of staying. Of leaving behind his life and raising you in secret.â Hunt could barely ask, âWhat happened?â âThe mystics told Rigelus of your fatherâs connection to us. They didnât discover everythingânothing about you or your mother. Only that he had been speaking to us. Rigelus had him brought in, tortured, and executed.â Huntâs heart stalled. âHe didnât break,â Apollion said with something like kindness. âHe never mentioned your mother, or her pregnancy. The Asteri never knew you were tied to him in any way.â - HOFAS, chapter 61
Bryce squeezed his knee, her hand so warmâor was he unnaturally cold? âOkay, so Hunt was made to be a backup battery for meââ âCan I do the same for Ruhn, then?â Hunt interrupted. âNo,â Thanatos said. âThe princeâs light, his affinity for these thin places, isnât strong enough. Not like hers.â Hunt gripped Bryceâs hand atop his knee. âIs it in my DNA that Bryce and I are mates? Was that engineered, too?â âNo,â Aidas said quickly, âthat was never intended. I think that was left to higher powers. Whatever they may be.â Hunt turned to Bryce and found nothing but love in her eyes. He couldnât stand it. Horror cracked through him, as chilled as hoarfrost. Heâd been created by these males to give and to suffer, and where the fuck did that leave him? Who the fuck did that make him? âOkay,â Bryce said, âHelfire and starfire: a potent combination. But Helena left all this shit to help end this conflict. It sounds like you guys just want me to open a gods-damned door for you to come in and save the day instead.â - HOFAS, chapter 61
Thanatos used some of Apollion's helfire (lightning) to create Hunt as a weapon for Bryce, so it stands to reason that he may have done something similar in the Hewn City/Court of Nightmares that eventually resulted in Azriel, possibly with a different Prince of Hel - was it Koschei, or even himself - leaving "poisoned honey" on Prythian in case the Daglan/Asteri ever regained power? Feyre once referred to Azriel as a "dark hive," and we now know that he often helped Cassian to hunt down monstrous creatures like Blue Annis... could this be why? Does he have a natural talent for it, like Hunt? Was Az also created for a specific purpose?
I've been on the "Azriel and Elain are carranam" train from the time I joined the fandom, and since then I really do think that the three brothers and three sisters will act as paired conduits to save their world, as I mentioned in my third note above. In addition to the parallels I've noted between the Archeron sisters and Bryce (and Theia), Elain and Az shared a "charged" glance in ACOSF.
Nesta shook her head slowly, not understanding. Elain just linked her arm through Nestaâs and led her toward the family room, where Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if heâd heard Elainâs sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it. âI was just checking on dessert,â Elain explained as they approached the doorway and Azriel. Nesta met the shadowsingerâs stare and he gave her a nod. Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elainâs breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting before brushing past, leading Nesta into the room. - ACOSF, chapter 58
The very first book of the ACOTAR series confirmed that magic can appear as a charge in Prythian...
I opened my mouth to again ask him for his name, but a growl of annoyance rippled out of him. I didnât have a chance to struggle, to fight back, when a charged, metallic tang stung my nose. Exhaustion slammed down upon me and blackness swallowed me whole. [...] I awoke with a jolt atop the horse, secured by invisible bonds. The sun was already high. Magicâthatâs what the tang had been, what was keeping my limbs tucked in tight, preventing me from going for my knife. - ACOTAR, chapter 5
And then HOFAS gave us this - Azriel learning that he can charge up a Starborn Fae. A point that was so important to make that SJM ignored - or had reasons we are yet to learn - the fact that Azriel could have winnowed the three of them across the gap himself. Curious, given how she made doubly sure we knew how "different" Az was in ACOSF.
But Bryce frowned deeply at Azriel. âDo you ever use that power to, uh, charge people up?â âCharge?â âFuel. Um. Give your power to someone else to help their power.â âAre you implying that I could do such a thing to you?â âIâm pretty sure the concept of a battery wonât have much meaning here, but yeah. My magic can be amplified by someone elseâs power.â The other untranslatable wordâbatteryâlay heavy on her tongue. But Nesta looked her over. âFor what purpose?â âSo I can teleport.â Another word that didnât translate. âWinnow.â She pointed to the other side of the divide. âI could winnow us over there.â - HOFAS, chapter 16
Obviously there's always the possibility that SJM simply wrote that Azriel didn't winnow because A) he didn't want to expose any further facets of his magic unnecessarily to a Fae he had no reason to trust, or B) he wanted to see what Bryce could do, but what if it was C) that he lacked the strength to winnow at the time, as @ladynightcourt3 has so brilliantly thought? Because potentially, if light can blind an Oracle - one who may or may not use the murky realm of the Void to See - then there's a possibility that their growing proximity to the power chained deep in the land, or even Vesperus herself, may have made Azriel less able to see where he was going with his shadows to safely winnow them. Or was it that, similarly to whatever bond that exists between Elain and Lucien becoming too much for Azriel to bear, maybe the singing between Gwydion and Truth-Teller was distracting him?
As an aside, furthering the parallel between Hunt and Bryce that I noted earlier, I think the following passages support the idea that Azriel may be able to charge Elain, or that Elain can charge him as well, in addition to suggesting that he may be able to sense minds, or enter some that are more susceptible.
And what Hybern would do to Elain, might already be doingâ From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, âIâm getting her back.â Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azrielâs hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, âThen you will die.â Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, âIâm getting her back.â - ACOWAR, chapter 64
Azriel slid back the curtainâ Elain was in her nightgown. Gagged, wrists wrapped in steel that glowed violet. Her eyes went wide as she saw usâAzriel and meâ I shifted my face back into my own, raising a hand to my lips as Azriel knelt before her. I kept up my litany of praying, beseeching the Cauldron to make my womb fruitful, on and onâ Azriel gently removed the gag from her mouth. âAre you hurt?â She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. âYou came for me.â The shadowsinger only inclined his head. âHurry,â I whispered, then resumed my prayer. We had until it ran out. - ACOWAR, chapter 65
Azrielâs power gave out on the outskirts of our camp. The girl, despite the burns and lashings on her moon-white skin, was able to walk. The gray light of morning had broken over the world, mist clinging to our ankles as we headed into that camp, Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest. He dripped blood behind him the entire timeâa trickle compared to the torrent that should be leaking out. Contained only by the patches of power heâd slapped on it. Helpâhe needed a healer immediately. - ACOWAR, chapter 65
Azriel didnât give Rhys a chance to reconsider. Didnât say good-bye to any of us. He shot into the sky, those still-healing wings beating hard as they carried him toward the scrambling northern flank. - ACOWAR, chapter 71
Elainâs mouth twitched into a smile. "Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke.â He offered her a smile back. "I wasn't sure if I should give you your present." He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days. - ACOSF, Azriel's bonus chapter
Bryce squeezed his knee, her hand so warmâor was he unnaturally cold? âOkay, so Hunt was made to be a backup battery for meââ âCan I do the same for Ruhn, then?â Hunt interrupted. âNo,â Thanatos said. âThe princeâs light, his affinity for these thin places, isnât strong enough. Not like hers.â - HOFAS, chapter 61
We know that Elain likely shares that strong affinity for thin places, as may Az. Feyre mentioned the gray light of morning, mist around their ankles. Does this make them the ideal conduits for each other, as Hunt and Bryce were? As Feyre and Rhys - and, I suspect, Nesta and Cassian - are? Are they all meant to be "weapons" against a long, deeply sleeping foe?
Finally, let's revisit the first passage I mentioned at the top of this post, when Feyre first met Azriel:
But the second male, the more classically beautiful of the two ⌠Even the light shied from the elegant planes of his face. With good reason. Beautiful, but near-unreadable. Heâd be the one to look out forâthe knife in the dark. Indeed, an obsidian-hilted hunting knife was sheathed at his thigh, its dark scabbard embossed with a line of silver runes Iâd never seen before. Rhys said, âThis is Azrielâmy spymaster.â Not surprising. Some buried instinct had me checking that my mental shields were intact. Just in case. - ACOMAF, chapter 16
Hunt stilled. There was only one being whose name was not uttered in Midgard. The Prince of the Pit. Apollion. His blood chilled. This was a fucked-up, weird-ass dream, no doubt caused by Quinlan literally blowing his mind into smithereensâ âIt is no dream.â The seventh and most lethal of the demon princes of Hel was in his mindâ âI am not in your mind, though your thoughts ripple toward me like your worldâs radio waves. You and I are in a place between our worlds. A pocket-realm, as it were.â âWhat do you want?â Huntâs voice held steady, butâfuck. He needed to get out of here, to find some way back to Bryce. If the Prince of the Pit could get into Huntâs mind, thenâ âIf I went into her mind, my brother would be very angry with me. Again.â Hunt could have sworn he heard a smile in the princeâs voice. âYou certainly worry a great deal about a female who is far safer than you at the moment.â - HOSAB, chapter 21
âDuring my time with Theia, Helena was a quiet girl, but she always listened.â âYou spoke too much,â Thanatos snapped. Aidas ignored him. âHelena learned black salt would allow her to commune with us while protecting her mind and her soul.â - HOFAS, chapter 59
Given the princes of Hel were fathered by the Void - Apollion, the Prince of the Pit, said he resides in true darkness and has the ability to enter minds - and mothered by Chaos (who is possibly Wyrd?â´), that they are attracted by obsidian (the material from which Truth-Teller's hilt is made), who may or may not use wyrdmarks that might match the runes on Truth-Teller's hilt (post on this to come), who appear to be able to use a black salt-induced dream state to communicate across worlds with their minds... it seems a little more than coincidental to me that Feyre would think to protect her mind from Azriel.
â´ A personal crack theory that I'd love to be true - I think the eight pointed star may be Urd/Wyrd's or Chaos' symbol: a Chaos star. @wingedblooms has discussed Wyrd and Chaos here and here.
I once noted Azriel's similarities to Koschei, who can send his whispers on the wind, twisting distant minds to do his bidding. If Koschei is a prince of Hel - the sixth prince, of the Abyss? - could he have contributed towards Azriel's creation, either directly, or through the making of a female ancestor? Azriel has the ability to speak the language of shadow, wind and stone, which could plausibly tie in with Koschei as a hell prince: void, wind and obsidian. Or if it was Thanatos - the eater of souls - does this affect Azriel's ability to sense others around him, as Rhys once suggested? We know he's capable of using his shadows to read people. Was Azriel's existence, intentional or not, a secret like Hunt's?
Or to be completely cracked, is Azriel actually the heir to a currently empty throne in Hel?
Elide asked Lorcan, âDo youâdo you feel any different?â The lack of the gods whoâd watched over them. Lorcan peered up at the trees overhead, as if reading the answer in their entangled branches. As if searching for Hellas there. âNo,â he admitted. âWhat does it mean,â Gavriel mused, the first rays of sun beginning to gild his golden hair, âfor them to be gone? Is there a hell-realm whose throne now sits vacant?â âItâs too early for that sort of philosophical bullshit,â Fenrys said... - KOA, chapter 101
Whatever is going on here, please consider me still all aboard the Azriel is related to the Princes of Hel train until told otherwise by SJM. Choo Choo!
The Valg
Moving on from the princes of Hel, many of the fandom - myself included - are desperate to know exactly how Aidas and his brothers may be related to the Valg, a race of demons we met in SJM's 'Throne of Glass' series. Are they the same as, or simply related to each other? Did Hel's princes - or possibly Void and Chaos - create the Valg as well, or did the Valg just evolve naturally on the planet that is Hel, eventually turning it cold and barren? I know some in the fandom have drawn parallels between Rhys and Maeve, and theorised that he may be partly Valg, which would be such a twist if true! I'd love it.
But more than all of that, I want to know what Azriel may have to do with the Valg. Because in addition to my suspicions that the King of Hybern may have been infected by a Valg/Valg-type being (and that Elain assassinating him with a sunlight charged Truth-Teller was akin to Yrene healing Erawan out of existence), I have been wondering about Azriel and his shadows for years. I know I've suggested that Koschei could be a prince of Hel, but I also think there's a chance he could be Valg. I outlined in this post, where I wondered if Koschei was once known as Fionn - yes, I can see there's a pattern forming here, thanks đ - if he had once loaned magic to the King of Hybern, who had "hateful black eyes" and a "galaxy" in his palm, in order for Hybern to be powerful enough to orchestrate a scenario that Koschei was unable to himself, given he's trapped at his lake; considering this possibility in the context of the Valg existing in Prythian, and that Koschei may be one of them, it could mean that Koschei himself, or a loyal Valg prince, was possessing Hybern's king; a pawn until he was no longer required.
As I mentioned earlier, there are significant parallels between Azriel and Koschei that should not be ignored, especially if Koschei ends up being his magical ancestor in some way. In addition to this, Azriel's history and habits are intriguing when laid out next to what we know of the Valg as a species. Although, given the similarities between the Princes of Hel and the Valg, much of the following could indicate some sort of link to either species (that's assuming they're actually different, of course).
The Valg's true form involves a smokey, shadowy aura, while Azriel is a shadowsinger, described as a "dark hive" from where his shadows originated.
Cassian tipped back his head and laughed, a full, rich sound that bounced off the ruddy stones of the House. Azrielâs brows flicked up with approval as the shadows seemed to wrap tighter around him. As if he were the dark hive from which they flew and returned. I tried not to shudder and faced Rhys, hoping for an explanation about his spymasterâs dark gifts. Rhysâs face was blank, but his eyes were wary. Assessing. I almost demanded what the hell he was looking at, until Mor breezed onto the balcony with, âIf Cassianâs howling, I hope it means Feyre told him to shut his fat mouth.â - ACOMAF, chapter 16
While a Valg's possession of someone's body is often confirmed through their unnaturally black eyes, it's interesting that Erilea's witches - who are half Valg and half fae - are increasingly prized the more golden their eyes are. Though Azriel's eyes are naturally hazel, a colour which often contains flecks of gold, they have notably glowed golden before. @psychologynerd and I have both discussed the possibility that Azriel could be a witch; this could be another indication of his hypothetical Valg ancestry. Edit: I just found this brilliant post, by @sak2605 which included a passage where Valg described Manon's gold eyes as the eyes of their masters!
The Valg fear fire so much they attempted to wipe out Aelin's entire flame-wielding family.
And what Hybern would do to Elain, might already be doingâ From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, âIâm getting her back.â Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azrielâs hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, âThen you will die.â Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, âIâm getting her back.â - ACOWAR, chapter 64
âHello, princeling,â she said, her voice bedroom-soft and full of glorious death. âHello, witchling,â he said. And the words were his own. For a moment he was so stunned that he blinked. He blinked. The demon inside of him recoiled, clawing at the walls of his mind. Eyes of the Valg kings, eyes of our masters, it shrieked. Do not touch that one! - QOS, chapter 58
Credit for the observation goes to @ladynightcourt3 but Azriel's brothers burnt his hands. Furthering the possibility we have discussed before, that his horrible half brothers were pouring oil onto some sort of Starborn flame that he may have unwittingly exhibited, could said Starborn magic have sparked in the first place because it was trying to purify itself from a dark, shadowy infestation taking root in the lightless dungeon? Imagine if the pain of the burns only fuelled the Valg attempting to hijack young Az! And, while Nesta thought Azriel was lying when he said his shadows don't like the flames so much because he's sat in front of the fireplace "plenty," we do know they tend to avoid the light of a different sort of flame: the sun.
I didnât doubt his claim. And the other Illyrian ⌠âAzrielâhis hands. The scars, I mean,â I said. âWhere did they come from?â Rhys was quiet a moment. Then he said too softly, âHis father had two legitimate sons, both older than Azriel. Both cruel and spoiled. They learned it from their mother, the lordâs wife. For the eleven years that Azriel lived in his fatherâs keep, she saw to it he was kept in a cell with no window, no light. They let him out for an hour every dayâlet him see his mother for an hour once a week. He wasnât permitted to train, or fly, or any of the things his Illyrian instincts roared at him to do. When he was eight, his brothers decided itâd be fun to see what happened when you mixed an Illyrianâs quick healing gifts with oilâand fire. The warriors heard Azrielâs screaming. But not quick enough to save his hands.â - ACOMAF, chapter 18
Azriel lingered near the door, quiet enough that when Feyre and Mor began talking about some of her paintings, Nesta went over to him. âWhy donât you sit?â She leaned against the doorway beside the shadowsinger. âMy shadows donât like the flames so much.â A pretty lie. Sheâd seen Azriel before the fire plenty. But she looked at who sat close to it and knew the answer. - ACOSF, chapter 58
The Valg use rings and necklaces of wyrdstone, an obsidian material, to infect a host, and in addition to Truth-Teller's hilt being made from obsidian - I've wondered before whether it could be a wyrdkey, or even possessed - Azriel was once described as not having shadows at his ear, or darkness ringing his fingers when around Elain. Does this mean that his shadows - which we now know are concentrated magic - could be infected by a Valg-type being such that they can influence his mind, and maybe even control his body? Could he become a "mindless" soldier grunt?
But the second male, the more classically beautiful of the two ⌠Even the light shied from the elegant planes of his face. With good reason. Beautiful, but near-unreadable. Heâd be the one to look out forâthe knife in the dark. Indeed, an obsidian-hilted hunting knife was sheathed at his thigh, its dark scabbard embossed with a line of silver runes Iâd never seen before. Rhys said, âThis is Azrielâmy spymaster.â Not surprising. Some buried instinct had me checking that my mental shields were intact. Just in case. - ACOMAF, chapter 16
Cassianâs dark brows narrowed. I dragged a hand over my face before going to Elain and touching her too-bony shoulder. âCan I set you up in the garden? The herbs you planted are coming in nicely.â âI can help her,â said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ear, no darkness ringing his fingers as he extended a hand. Nesta monitored him like a hawk, but kept silent as Elain took his hand, and out they went. - ACOWAR, chapter 30
The Valg princes can feed on pain and nightmares; in the ACOTAR, shadows are frequently associated with - and can even darken with - pain. Azriel was once described as having shadows and terrors over his shoulder, and there are many examples of his shadows gaining strength when he is uncomfortable or hurting, and lightening when he is happy or content. Is this because his nightmares/negative emotions are less potent and so stop fuelling the Valg he is - hypothetically - carrying around?
I saw the painting in my mind: the lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two. The only bridge of connection ⌠that knife. - ACOWAR, chapter 69
âCanât sleep?â Cassian took up a fighting stance. A shadow curled around Azrielâs neck, the only one brave enough to face the sunlight. âSomething like that,â he said, and settled into his own stance across from Cassian. Cassian let it drop, knowing Az would have told him already if heâd wanted to share what had been hounding him enough to exercise at night, rather than in the morning with them. - ACOSF, chapter 23
Speaking of, what is going on with this newly brave shadow? If Azriel or his shadows are hosts in some way for Valg-type being/s, is something causing them to gain on him? Is it his notably intensified depression from ACOSF, or the fact that he was standing above the House of Wind, the heart of which might be connected in some way to Hel? Alternatively, is it a positively denoted response to his new proximity to the Archeron sisters and their (hypothetical) different forms of Starborn light?
Could Azriel's shadows/magic simply be possessed, or are they actually a swarm of Valg in their own right, either wholly or in part, and attempting to use Azriel and Truth-Teller as a thin place to cross into Prythian? This behaviour fits with what we know of them as a species, though of course we don't know if they have the ability to do this specifically. But if Azriel does harbour some sort of Valg infestation, it becomes very interesting that his shadows respond by brightening around Feyre, who is a powerful healer, Mor - whose power is Truth (Damaris, the sword of Truth, was used in Erawan's death), and Elainâľ (of whom many have wondered if she contains pure life or rebirth from the Cauldron, which could potentially allow her to heal - especially given the frequent use of "dawn" to describe her, another parallel with Yrene, the Torre Cesme, and even the Dawn Court in Prythian).
âľ I'm including this information in the discussion not because of any shipping preference, but due to its relevance if Azriel really is infected by a Valg-type being.
Could this phenomenon extend beyond the fact that they, like the rest of his found family, all make Azriel feel comfortable within himself, and mirror what we learnt about Yreneâś and her powers? Otherwise, it would be incredibly coincidental that Elain is the sister who loves to nurture the cycle of life by gardening, who is so often described with imagery pertaining to warmth and the sun (especially at dawn), who has wielded Truth-Teller in such a way that may indicate she activated its powers and weakened a possible Valg prince, who has been strongly linked to hope, who has a different sort of strength, who has even brought a king to his knees...
âś @wingedblooms has previously discussed Elain's parallels with Yrene here and here; as always I suggest reading her brilliant posts!
Erawan panted as he approached. âHealer,â he breathed, his unholy power emanating from him like a black aura. She backed away a step, closer to the balcony rail. The dark king followed her, a predator closing in on long-awaited prey. âDo you know how long I have looked for you?â The wind tossed his golden hair. âDo you even know what you can do?â She hesitated, slamming into the balcony rail behind her, the drop so hideously endless. âHow do you think we took the keys in the first place?â A hateful, horrible smile. âIn my world, your kind exists, too. Not healers to us, but executioners. Death-maidens. Capable of healingâbut also unhealing. Unbinding the very fabric of life. Of worlds.â Erawan smirked. âSo we took your kind. Used them to unbind the Wyrdgate. To rip the three pieces of it from its very essence. Maeve never learned itâand never shall.â His jagged breathing deepened as he savored each word, each step closer. âIt took all of them to hew the keys from the gateâevery one of the healers amongst my kind. But you, with your giftsâit would only take you to do it again. And with the keys now returned to the gate âŚâ Another smile. âMaeve thinks I left to kill you, destroy you. Your little fire-queen thought so, too. She could not conceive that I wanted to find you. Before Maeve. Before any harm could come to you. And now that I have ⌠What fun you and I shall have, Yrene Towers.â - KOA, chapter 113
Erawanâs power swelled, but Yrene was already glowing, bright as the far-off dawn. - KOA, chapter 113
Erawan didnât seem to know where to look. Not as Dorian sent out a punch of his healing light that knocked him off balance. Not as Lysandra leaped upon the dark king, pinning him to the stones. Not as Elide, Damaris in her hands, plunged the blade deep through Erawanâs gut, and between the stones below. Erawan screamed. But the sound was nothing compared to what came out of him as Yrene reached him, hands like burning stars, and slammed them upon his chest. The world slowed and warped. Yet Yrene was not afraid. - KOA, chapter 113
He arched, shrieking, but Damaris held him down, that ancient blade unwavering. His dark power rose, a wave to devour the world. Yrene did not let it touch her. Touch any of them. Hope. It was hope that Chaol had said she carried with her. Hope that now grew in her womb. For a better future. For a free world. - KOA, chapter 113
The gods might have been gone, Silba with them, but Yrene could have sworn she felt those warm, gentle hands guiding her. Pushing upon Erawanâs chest as he thrashed, the force of a thousand dark suns trying to rip her apart. Her power tore through them all. Tore and shredded and ripped into him, into the writhing worm that lay inside. The parasite. The infection that fed on life, on strength, on joy. Distantly, far away, Yrene knew she was incandescent with light, brighter than a noontime sun. Knew that the dark king beneath her was nothing more than a writhing pit of snakes, biting at her, trying to poison her light. - KOA, chapter 113
A thought and Yreneâs power flared brighter. Erawan screamed. The power of creation and destruction. Thatâs what lay within her. Life-Giver. World-Maker. Bit by bit, she burned him up. Starting at his limbs, working inward. And when her magic began to slow, Yrene held out a hand. She didnât feel the sting of her palm cutting open. Barely felt the pressure of the callused hand that linked with hers. But when Dorian Havilliardâs raw magic barreled into her, Yrene gasped. Gasped and turned into starlight, into warmth and strength and joy. - KOA, chapter 113
Yreneâs power was life itself. Pure, undiluted life. It nearly brought Dorian to his knees as it met with his own. As he handed over his power to her, willingly and gladly, Erawan prostrate before them. Impaled. The demon king screamed. - KOA, chapter 113
I could be wrong of course! But it just seems too coincidental to me that we have all of these parallels between one of the Archeron sisters⡠and the unassuming healer who - together with her friends - executed a Valg king in Erilea when I have suspected for a while that Azriel's shadows had been hijacked or corrupted in some manner.
⡠I once posted, ages ago, that Azriel's shadows do not recoil from Elain Archeron, and even though I just outlined why I think she might be able to heal/purify them (assuming they're corrupted, of course), I stand by the theory. It is the corruption that would be vanishing/weakening around her and not the concentrated magic itself. And it would be an interesting tie in to the "purity language" (not my term) that SJM has used between them. That's the only shippy note I'll make here, and only because it would otherwise appear like I was contradicting my earlier self.
Anyway! If you've read this far then well done you, I'm sorry I didn't break this up into more manageable sized posts. I hope it all made sense, I did leave a bit out to try to salvage some of its atrocious length, so if I realise I forgot to tie something back around I may come back and fix it. But to sum up once more, I do think - and others have also noted - that there are many parallels between Azriel and the Starborn/Dusk Court Fae, the princes of Hel and the Valg, though one could argue that the latter two parallels extend to any void-based or demonic beings in general (which tracks if I'm correct that Illyrians can trace at least some of their origins to Hel).
Thank you for reading! đ
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Blue
Azriel x reader
Summary: There's a large contrast between the warm and gentle Az you get to enjoy versus the cold and quiet demeanour he reserves for others
Note: FIRST FULL WEEK I HAVE THINGS PLANNED OUT FOR. this isn't entirely my favourite but fuck it we ball <33 enjoy lovelies
@azrielappreciationweek day 1
The kitchen is a warm, flour-dusted haven, filled with the sweet scent of sugar and vanilla as Azriel leans over my shoulder, watching me whisk the batter with an amused glint in his eyes.
âYou know,â he murmurs, his breath warm against my neck, âyou could just let me do that.â He slips his arms around my waist, pulling me gently against him. âYour hands might get tired.â
I laugh, nudging him with my elbow. âI think I can handle a little whisking.â I turn to face him, catching the soft, rare smile that lights his face, the one that only appears when itâs just us. I lean up, brushing a light kiss to his lips, and feel him pull me closer, his fingers resting at the small of my back.
âHmm,â he hums, deep and quiet, his lips lingering just a moment longer. âYou taste like sugar.â
âYouâre distracting me,â I say, trying and failing to keep a straight face.
âGood,â he replies, his voice low. His gaze drops to the cupcakes cooling on the counter, and he raises an eyebrow. âTheyâre missing something.â
âExactly,â I sigh, surveying the icing jars and realizing Iâve run out of the last colour I need. I hesitate, glancing at him, knowing heâs had a long week of missions and should probably be resting. But he just tilts his head, a patient smile on his face, like he already knows what Iâm about to ask.
âCould you pick up more icing for me?â I ask, brushing a bit of flour off his cheek, unable to hide my smile. âPlease?â
He chuckles softly, reaching up to tuck a stray hair behind my ear. âAnything for you.â Thereâs a gentle warmth in his eyes, a soft devotion that melts me from the inside out.
As he steps back, he squeezes my hand. âSave a few for me?â
âAll of them,â I reply with a grin, watching as he heads to the door, wings stretching wide in the golden afternoon light. He gives me one last look before taking off, a dark silhouette against the sky.
Azriel's POV
Flying over the city, my mind lingers on her, the soft warmth of her laugh, the way her eyes light up when I walk into the room. Sheâs goddess incarnate, far too perfect for me.
The cold air rushes past as I fly, enjoying the time to stretch out my wings to their fullest.
But halfway through my journey, I feel Rhysandâs voice slip into my thoughts, quiet and laced with urgency.
Azriel, we have a guest in the dungeons. I need answers from him if you're available, it's urgent
I think about his words. Maybe if it had been a few months ago Rhys wouldn't have added the part of me being "available" knowing I was waiting at the chance to distract my mind. But ever since y/n walked into my life it was getting easier and easier to spend days doing nothing except enjoy her company. No torture sessions. No constant dagger sharpening. Just time spent with her.
Fine.
Was the simple reply I gave. It would only take a few minutes of my time.
The warmth I felt just minutes ago fades as I turn, heading down toward the underground jail, where shadows and silence reign. My shadows coil tighter around me, sharper, attuned to the work at hand as I descend into the dim halls of the dungeon.
The heavy door creaks open, and I step inside to find the prisoner chained to a chair, his gaze faltering as he meets mine. He tries to summon some defiance, but I can see the fear flicker beneath it, his breaths shallow as my shadows drift closer, surrounding him in darkness. This wonât take long.
I approach him slowly, letting each step echo off the stone walls. Leaning forward, I let my voice drop to a low, controlled murmur, knowing how much more effective a whisper can be. âLet's make this quick. Tell me everything you know"
I didn't have to elaborate on what I meant by everything. He knew what I was here for and I would get it one way or another.
Heâs silent at first, eyes darting, and I can see him calculating his options. But thereâs no fight in him, not against what he senses Iâm capable of. My shadows close in, tightening like a noose around him, each word I speak dripping with cold intent.
After a slow drag of my dagger down the column of his neck the information begins to spill out, fast and frantic. I listen carefully, never blinking, absorbing each detail.
No need for lost blood; I extract every piece with surgical precision, each question laced with the promise of what could happen if he resists. Soon, heâs left shuddering, broken, and silent.
I silently thank the cauldron he didn't make this difficult otherwise I would have to clean up before getting to my wife and the thought of keeping her waiting was not something I enjoyed.
Before I leave, I pause, tilting my head as I look down at him with one last, almost casual question. âPick a colour.â
His face twists in confusion, fear giving way to bewilderment. âUh⌠blue,â he stammers, his voice barely above a whisper.
I give him a curt nod, acknowledging his choice before I turn and leave him to the shadows that linger. As I step into the fresh air aboveground, I make my way to a small shop, selecting a container of bright blue icing, a flash of colour that feels strange against the cold efficiency of what Iâve just done.
When I arrive home, I find her at the counter, surrounded by stacks of sweet heaven. She lights up as she sees me, her eyes crinkling with happiness. "Az! Thank you my love" she says, taking the container and pressing a warm kiss to my cheek.
I'd be lying if i said I didn't melt.
But then she pauses, glancing at me, a flicker of something unreadable in her gaze. âWhat took so long?â
I shake my head, not wanting her to worry âYou donât need to worryâ I murmur, my voice gentle. âRhys just needed something doneâ
She watches me closely, as if weighing my words, a knowing look in her eyes. But she doesnât press. Instead, she smiles softly, letting her fingers brush over mine as she returns to her cupcakes.
I linger there, watching her work, feeling the lightness return to my chest as I settle back into the life we share. She doesnât push, and Iâm grateful.
With her I feel like life is worth living.
note: should have azriel year tbh
#acotar#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel#azriel spymaster#azriel x y/n#azriel fanfic#azriel fic#azriel x you#pro azriel#azriel fluff#azriel fanfiction#azriel appreciation week
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My World
Day 1: Cool quiet.
Summary: Y/n's in labour. Azriel needs to stay calm.
â˘âââŚâââ˘
Word Count: 805
Warnings: labour ig? azzie being scared and sad cus yn is in pain :(
A/n: HAPPY DAY 1 OF @azrielappreciationweek YALL WOOHOOOO đĽł
all fics in the week will be like a series cus theyre all revolving around azzie and his daughter hehe but it isnt a series ig?
ANYWAY ENJOYYYY đĽł
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
Rhysand did not see the shift in his spymaster. Did not see the way he stiffened, the way his eyes went distant before focusing again, fist clenched.
He said no words, nothing to indicate he knew his mate was going into labour. And if the meeting with Keir had not ended when it had and Azriel hadnât immediately winnowed away without preamble, Rhys wouldnât have even known.
Even when Rhysand and Cassian followed their brother to his house on the outskirts of Velaris, welcomed by agonising screams of Azrielâs mate, Rhysand saw him stand quietly in the hallway.
Rhysand could not fathom being that cool, that quiet if he knew Feyre was in labour.
He had to give it to Azriel, the male was great at hiding his weaknesses. And Rhysand would have been convinced he was still composed had he not seen that in the dark corridor, light glinted off of the tears rolling down his cheeks.
Azriel still did not move, standing still against the wall with his hands folded behind his back.
It shook Rhys more than him pacing and losing his mind would have.
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
Azrielâs pov.
He wanted to scream, he wanted to curse himself out loud. After all, he was the reason his darling mate was going through the pain of birth.
Shouldâve resisted when she said she wanted kids.
But alas, it was now too late to do anything but stand here helpless as he heard her loud cries of pain from their bedroom.
"I- Azriel! Az-"
It took all Azriel had in him to stand outside while his mate, his wife went through unbearable pain he knew he could not even fathom of. Having your privates stretched while you had to push out a literal being was something he knew his worst wounds would look like paper cuts in comparison.
It made him respect females more at the moment.
Through the bond, he felt flashes of hot agony and cold pain, but he was aware it was nothing, nothing compared to what his mate was going through.
The door opened the slightest bit, the worried eyes of an apprentice healer peeking out. "Spymaster? Madja said you can come in to soothe your mate."
Instantly, Azriel was hurrying inside the room, his eyes finding his mate lying on the bed.
Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm.
But how could he, seeing as the one person he could ruin the world for, was sobbing, tears running down her face in constant streams, aided by the sweat gathering on her skin?
He hurried over to her side, her palm instantly finding his.
"My love, Iâm here."
She gasped in pain, nails digging into his palm.
Cool. Stay cool. It will be fine.
"Just one more push dear, then you can rest."
Azriel turned his head to Madja when she said that, relief spreading through his veins. At least the torture Y/n was going through would be over soon.
Y/n nodded, meeting Azrielâs eyes. Even while she was pushing out their baby, she found it in herself to offer him a weak smile.
Be calm.
Not even a moment after Y/n dropped back down on the bed with an exhausted sigh, loud cries filled the room. Azriel leaned down, placing his forehead against his mateâs. She smiled up at him, her eyes tired.
"No more babies. Y/n, Iâm telling you, I cannot see you in pain."
Y/n had the audacity to pout. "But what if our baby gets lonely?"
He shook his head, kissing Y/nâs cheek. "I wonât let them get lonely."
He straightened when he heard footsteps approaching, lifting his head to look at Madja, who grinned at them over the babyâs head. "Itâs a daughter."
Tears gathered in Azrielâs eyes as Madja leaned down, his daughterâs face coming into view for the first time. Azriel could not look away.
Sheâs beautiful.
Her eyes are so pretty.
She stared back at him with wide eyes.
Donât cry. Stay calm. Stay quiet.
Fuck calm. Fuck quiet.
He let the tears fall as Y/n placed a hand on his arm, telling him to take his daughter. And even though he did not want to taint the pure soul made of him and his beloved, he extended his arms. Y/n had had the time of months to scold and train Azriel to not be scared of his own child.
The moment Madja stepped out of their room, Azriel let out an involuntary sob, accompanied by a look in his mateâs direction, who was crying too.
"I love her so much."
She nodded, giggling. "Me too." After a pause, she continued. "Hazel. Thatâs what we decided."
He nodded, unable to look away as he leaned down to press his lips to her tiny forehead.
"My world."
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
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Azriel Appreciation Week: Belonging
Rhys said to Azriel, "If I had not met a shadowsinger, I would not have known that it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters. I would not have known what it is to truly hope, even when the world tells you to despair.â -ACOWAR Chapter 69
For this piece, we really wanted to capture a young Azriel finally finding a place where he belongs. A mother figure to love him as her own, brothers who tease him lovingly not cruelly, a family he chose for himself, and a place to call home. One of the sweetest parts of this piece is the quiet joy and tenderness in Azriel's expression as he looks on his found family.
We can not thank aurithemoon enough for bringing this piece to life for us. She captured everything that we were envisioning in a way only she can. It is such a pleasure and honor to work with someone so talented, so accomplished, and so kind đ
đŚ Art by aurithemoon on instagram
đŚ Commissioned by @emilyondemand @elainsvisions @theseersgarden and myself
đŚ Characters belong to Sarah J. Maas
Find it on Instagram here!
Please do not repost without permission. Likes and reblogs are appreciated!
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Can we all just... sit here and appreciate this first kiss art by @/that_starborn_fae on Instagram?!?!
HAPPY GWYNRIEL WEEKS, INDEED!
Visit the art here!
Visit and follow the artist here!
Reblogs okay with artist credit.
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Don't Go
For day three of @acotar-omegaverse-week :All tied upÂ
Summary: Azriel helps you with your heatâŚ.maybe more than you expected.Â
Warnings: smut (18+), alpha/omega dynamics, mating, knots, p in v sex, slightly rough, slight breeding kink, biting, cum eating
WC: 3.4k
divider by the lovely @tsunami-of-tears
18+ below the cut
You donât know how you had lost track of the days. You normally kept a perfect record of your cycles, in a house full of alphaâs it was necessary to avoid any awkward situations. But here you were in the middle of a walk with Azriel when you felt that thin layer of sweat bead across your forehead. The way your skin suddenly felt too tight on your body let you know it had nothing to do with the summer sun and everything to do with the fact you had miscounted by a week.Â
âAzriel.â You tried to whisper, pulling on the back of his shirt. He turned around and his eyes instantly went to your face, where you could feel the sweat starting to collect. âI need to go home. Now.â His eyes dilated as he caught your scent. The full wave of your heat washes over him as he faces you. He quickly nodded at you before pulling you tight against his chest and winnowing you both back to the river house.Â
You were clinging to him so tightly that he had to pry your hands off of him to get you to lay down in your nest. Being very careful not to accidentally step in it.Â
âDo you remember what we talked about last time?âÂ
His words floated through the air. You tried your best to remember what he was talking about.Â
âDo you still want my shadows here?â He saved you the energy of having to remember. Now you want to sink into the ground. YOu had asked him at the end of your last heat if you could borrow his shadows. After Nesta had found you basically pawing at Azrielâs door during your last heat, you had the idea of them being around to keep you in check. A guard that wouldnât be affected by an omega in heat.Â
You nodded. Mortification quickly overrides the pain.Â
âI need you to say it, my sweet omega.â And those words coming off of his tongue sent a hard cramp through you. Your core clenching around nothing.Â
âYes. Please.â You were forcing yourself to stay seated on the ground, to wrap a blanket tighter around yourself to keep from jumping Azriel. Those two words, my omega, had every part of your brain buzzing. But you were early enough in your heat to remind yourself that Azriel didnât want you that way. His face when he had found your scent in the hallway last time was more than enough confirmation.Â
âAlright. Iâll have the maids bring you some food and water. Okay?â He got up to walk out of your room, some of his shadows staying behind, already curling up around your body as you closed your eyes and tried to get the last little bit of lucid sleep you could get.Â
----
Every second was torture. His shadows wrapped around your feet keeping you rooted in place when all you wanted was the male across the house. His shadows smelled like him and it did nothing to soothe your raging omega instincts. Itâs not like you havenât thought of Azriel like that before. That forest, smokey and downright mouthwatering smell that lingered on your skin for days after you would hug him.Â
The shadows at least let you have your hands. Which were doing absolutely nothing to help the cramps wracking through your body. You currently have two fingers buried inside of yourself. Slick coated your thighs and the blankets underneath you, but it still wasnât enough. YOu tried your best to muffle your moans and cries of Azrielâs name. A small part of you was ashamed for even thinking of him but it was impossible to think clearly with the black wisps curled around your ankles and torso. The weight felt wrong. Your body is crying out for a different weight, a warmer weight that wouldnât be coming. Neither would you apparently. No matter how hard or fast you fucked yourself on your fingers, it still isnât enough. Fuck it. You were about to crawl out of your nest and beg Azriel to help but the shadows wouldnât let you move. Tears leaked out of your eyes as you struggled against them.Â
Just when you were about to give up, you felt one of the shadows brush across your wrist. Settling around your skin in a way that pressed your hand further inside of yourself. Then the pressure was gone, letting your hand slip back out. It happened two more times before you realized what was happening. His shadows were helping you. And it worked for a little. That peak became a little bit closer to your grasp but it slipped away again. Your body all but screaming for Azriel. Having his shadows wasnât a replacement for the real thing.Â
You were writhing in pain less than an hour later. The shadows had let up enough to let you pad off to the bathroom, helping you draw the coldest bath the house would allow for. Again, it helped only for a moment before the water felt too heavy on your skin. You tried to get out, body feeling so weak that you just slumped back down into the half filled tub. Your arms were shaking with how badly your whole body was hurting. You could only pull your knees tight against your chest as sobs started to slip from your mouth. You rubbed at the gland on the side of your neck, itchy and tight. If you had any more energy you would have been shocked with how raised the skin was. But you could only sob harder as you scratched at your mating gland.Â
A heat had never hurt this badly before. You had been alive for half a century, this was far from your first time alone. You couldnât place just what exactly was different this time but something was. A small knock from your door had you flinching.Â
âSweetheart. Itâs me.â Azrielâs voice called from the other side of the door. Your body almost buzzed in excitement before horror washed over you. His voice was tight. Signaling that he didnât want to be here. Why was he here? It was then that you noted none of the familiar shadows were in the room. They must have gone to get him when you failed to get out of the tub. Something that had a small part of you preening. Alphaâ here to take care of us. That small voice in your head purred. But he wasnât your alpha. Wanted nothing to do with you in that way. Another sob slipped past your lips that had him knocking on the door again. You didnât answer. More content with sitting in the tub then having to face him. Another moment went by and you heard the door click open.Â
The smell from his shadows had been bad but him standing in the doorway was a new level of hell. You tried to scramble to the other side of the giant tub, desperate to put any space between the two of you.Â
âHey, itâs okay. Iâm just going to help you get out. Is that okay?â He paused, hands outstretched towards you. You ran your eyes up and down his tall frame and tried to remember how to speak. You could only nod, not trusting your voice. Azriel picked up a towel that was on the ground and approached the tub. When he picked you up, he made sure that none of your skin touched. He was so repulsed by you that he didnât even glance at your nakedness. You knew he didnât feel that way about you but it hurt something inside of you to see him not even react. He was an alpha, he should at least have a little reaction to an omega in heat. Regardless of how he felt about you.Â
You tried to blink back the tears but you were in too much pain to stop them. You just wanted to sleep. Just wanted to be wrapped in his arms. You felt the slight fan of air from his wings as they flapped anxiously behind him. He deposited you back into your nest, carefully wrapping the towel around you to keep you covered. You expected him to run out of the room after but he was lingering at the edge of your bed. Watching as you buried yourself into the blankets.Â
âYou donât have to stay. Az. I know you donât want to be here.â You sniffled, instantly kicking yourself for how pathetic you sounded. His wings twitched again.Â
âWhat do you mean, princess?âÂ
âI know you donât want to be here right now. So just go. Thank you for helping meâ
He froze. And for the first time you looked at him. His eyebrows pulled together, making his forehead wrinkle slightly. His cheeks were slightly flushed and you continued looking down. You sucked in a breath as you realized he was rock hard. You couldnât force your eyes to look away. Not even as he spoke.Â
âI thought you didnât want me.â His words were tight. âUntil my shadows started telling me every detail. Reporting back to me how sweetly you were calling my name. They were telling me how good you smelled, how wet you were for me.â His voice dropped an octave and it had your skin flushing. You didnât have a response.Â
âDo you want me to help you, omega?â You had to be dreaming. You must have fallen asleep or maybe you hit your head while you were trying to get out of the tub and this was a hallucination. Either way, you knew it couldnât be real. Azriel wasnât here in your room, inches from your nest offering to help you with your heat.Â
âOmega?â The word was sharper this time and had you answering before you could think.Â
âYes.âÂ
âYes what?â
âYes I want you to help me, alpha.â And he was all over you then. His lips caught yours and you could have sobbed in relief. His hands chased away the scorching heat that trailed over your skin. But did nothing to help the emptiness you felt between your legs. He nipped at your bottom lip, teeth digging in in a way that had your back arching off of the bed. His scarred hands snaked up to rest on your breast. A hand going up to squeeze your nipple. You moaned his name and he pulled away from you, panting.Â
âIâm going to ask you one more time. Do you want me? Saw the word and Iâll walk away.âÂ
A twinge of panic rushed through you at the idea of him leaving. So you didn't answer, only reached out for the collar of his shirt and pulled him back to you. You flipped him onto his back and crawled into his lap.Â
âYes. Yes. Iâve wanted this for so long.â You were trailing kisses over his collarbone. You started undoing the buttons on his shirt, kissing each inch of newly exposed skin until he was pulling the shirt off the rest of the way. He lifted you with one hand as you helped him slide off his pants. Not caring where they ended up as you saw his cock smack against his abs. Your mouth watered at the sight, slick dripping down your leg. He was perfect. Thick and long, a slight curve. And at the base you could already see the thicker red skin of his knot.Â
You didnât waste any time before you took him in your hand, lifting your hips up to guide him to your entrance.Â
âNeed to stretch you out first.â He gritted, a hand on your hip stilling your motion.Â
âNo. Need you now. Want your knot, alpha.â You whined, your free hand trying to bat the hand on your hip away. You didnât understand why he wasnât letting you sink down. You felt so empty. So close to what you wanted and he wasnât going to let you have it.Â
âIâm yours.â He said as he locked eyes with you. His hand didnât leave but the force behind it was gone. Letting you, finally, fill yourself up with him. Your brain had stopped working. All thoughts are gone from your mind except for how perfect he felt inside of you. You chased away the last of the cramps as you started to ride him. Rocking your hips back and forth against him. A string of curses and garbled versions of his name left your lips as he tangled a hand into your hair, pulling your head back. His tongue lightly swiped over your scent gland and you exploded around him. Your orgasm leaves you seeing stars. That didnât stop either of you. In one motion he had you pushed onto your hands and knees. The impact cushioned by the plush blankets underneath you. His thrusts were ruthless. The room filled with the sound of your bodies colliding with each other. Slick was still leaking down your leg as he wrapped your hair around his hand, pulling your back against his chest. His free hand trailed between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit until you were bucking into him. His lips were all over your neck until they landed near your ear.Â
âLook at how perfectly you take my cock. Think of how good youâll take my knot.â You whined and he nipped at your earlobe. âDo you like the idea of that? Me filling you up until you're round with my kids?âÂ
âYes. Fuck. Wanna be full of you alpha.â You screamed for him. You could already feel your second orgasm rushing toward you, having no moment to come down. You could feel the edges of his knot started to catch on each thrust. You were about to beg for more, for him to fuck you harder, but a sharp feeling on your neck had you freezing in place. Not the right side of your neck, not the one that would bind you two together. Not the side you wanted him to bite.Â
âMark me, alpha. Want you. Bite me. Please. Az. Please.â You babbled. Tears streaming down your face again, but this time because you wanted him so badly. He was right there but it wasnât enough. You wanted him permanently. Wanted your scents to fill the room, wrapped together.Â
âWant me to mark this pretty neck, sweet omega?â You shook your head, crying out your pleas. He growled, the sound rattling your body.Â
âFuck. Just a little longer. Gonna cum with me?â You would have done anything he said at this moment. His knot almost locking you in place now. He was close and you could only moan and whimper as you felt it stretching you with every thrust. A few more well timed pushes of his hips and you fell apart. Right at the same time you felt him filling you up. The same moment you felt his teeth latch into the right side of your neck. Your vision blurred as tears sprung in your eyes again. The feeling so perfect that you barreled straight into your third orgasm. His mouth was clamped onto your shoulder, tongue soothing the bleeding skin. He rocked his hips back and forth as much as the knot would allow. You swore you could feel him pushing his cum further into you.Â
You reached back and pulled Azriel off of your neck, joining your lips. You could taste your blood on his lips but you didnât care. Didnât care about anything else as you pulled him closer to you, tried to turn your body towards him as much as your current position would allow for.Â
The tow of you stayed like that until his knot went down. Until he was pulling out of you. You felt his cum drip down your leg and whimpered at the feeling of losing it.Â
Azriel only kissed your forehead, kissed down the path the tears had left on your face. He kept kissing down past your collarbone, your chest, until strong hands were pushing you to lay down for him. He placed sucking kisses to your plush thighs, down your legs and back up. This time his tongue collecting the trails of slick that coated your thighs. All the way until he got to your dripping cunt. You were about to say something to him, about to plead for him to hurry up when he licked a long stripe through your folds. Your hands shot to the back of his head as his tongue darted into your opening. Pushing his cum back into you.Â
âAlpha.â You cried out. Eyes screwed closed as you felt wave after wave of pleasure coarse through you. There was something else there, some new edge of desire that had you reeling. You could feel his own heightened emotions. Arousal leaked off of him as he reached down to stroke his cock. He moaned into your folds, making your back arch off of the bed as you started to ride his face. He took every thrust perfectly. Not missing a beat as you used him to get off. Loud noises of your slick filling the room as you ate you out like a man starved. It was eventually too much, you were teetering from the edge again and knew it wouldnât be enough. You needed him inside you again.
You pulled him off of you, a motion that had him growling until you parted your legs for him. It took him no time at all to cage you in, arms on either side of your head. You wrapped your hand around his leaking cock and guided him to your entrance. He pushed in so slowly you were a writhing mess underneath him as he sheathed himself full inside of you. HIs own moans matching yours as he threw his head back. Eyes squeezed closed as he started to move again. You went to wrap your legs around his waist before he stopped you, wrapping a hand around your knee to push it up against your chest. You didn;t think it was possible for him to go deeper but as he threw your foot over your shoulder you swore your vision blacked out at the pleasure. You couldnât move. Only take everything he gave you. Each punished thrust of his hips against yours and you mewling against him. He took his time, long strong thrusts that had you clenching around him. Your nails clawed at his back, searching for any purchase against the torturous pace he set.Â
âGood omega. Being so good for me. Can you take my knot again?â Â
Your voice was long gone, hoarse from the screams and cries of pleasure so you could only nod, could only dig your nails into him harder to show him your agreement. He grabbed your other knee and pressed it against your chest, pulling you into a mating press that had you gasping for breath around the pleasure. You didnât think you could cum again, but Azrielâs long strokes had you writhing underneath him. Begging for more.Â
âGonna fill you up again.â He growled in your ear. And then his knot caught again. The feeling pulling shudders from your body. A soft cry escaped your mouth as you came again. Not as hard as the first times but enough that it felt you panting underneath him. Clawing at his hair to bring his lips to yours again.Â
Once both of you had calmed down a touch, he rolled the two of you over so you were on your side, legs tucked in behind yours perfectly. A part of you preened at the way he fit so well behind you, the way the two of you seemed to fit together. LIke you were made for each other.Â
âI think we very well are.â He said into your ear, so close that his breath on your neck made you shudder. You didnât think you had said the words out loud but all questions left your mind as he starting trailing kisses on the back of your neck, along the angry red skin of your newly marked mating gland. And that little press of his tongue, the way your scents filled the room. Not two scents anymore but one perfectly blended thing. It was that fact that had you drifting off to sleep in his arms. Heat perfectly quelled for the time being.
tag list: @ninthcircleofprythian @nocasdatsgay @sarawritestories @readychilledwine @milswrites @daycourtofficial @tsunami-of-tears
#acotaromegaverse2024#acotar omegaverse week#acotar azriel#acotar#acotar fanfiction#acosf#acomaf#azriel x reader#acowar#a court of thorns and roses#azriel acotar#azriel x you#azriel shadowsinger smut#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#azriel spymaster#acotar fanfic#a/b/o smut#a/b/o#a/b/o dynamics#a/b/o verse#omegaverse#acotar omegaverse#azriel fanfic
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Healing his inner child â¤ď¸âđŠš
@azrielappreciationweek Day 6 | Past & Future
As we all know, Azriel had an immensely traumatic childhood. For this commission, @duskcowboy and I wanted to show an adult Azriel comforting his younger self, healing his inner child, and finally letting the light in that he was once so deprived of đĽšâĽď¸
Hope you all love it as much as we do!
⥠đ¨ by the incredible @mastiba on Instagram
⥠Commissioned by @duskcowboy and me!
âĄÂ Please do not repost. Reblogs are preferred.
#there is hope little one#azriel appreciation week#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#commission#night court#acotar fanart#azriel fanart#past and future#art#azrielappreciationweek2023
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The Path To Healing
Pairing: Azriel x f!reader
Summary: A glimpse into different moments of Azriel's life: from his childhood trauma to the physical healing, from his struggles and his acceptance to the beginning of his mental healing journey.
Warnings: angst, self-hate, self-consciousness, violence and blood, mentions of torture, language, fingering (brief)
Word count: 8.9k
A/N: I might or might not have cried while writing some parts of this. I focused only on Azriel's hands, and I'm sure I only scratched the surface of what his trauma is. I'm nowhere close to an expert on any of this, but I tried my best and hopefully did it justice. @azrielappreciationweek
Pain was all he knew.
His eyes hurt from crying, and he desperately wanted to rub them, but he couldn't. He couldn't, because his hands⌠His handsâŚ
More tears poured down his already puffed cheeks, and his cries turned into a choked soundâsobs that tore through his chest and shook his little body, his wings a dead weight on his back.
âShh,â his mother murmured, her voice soothing, her touch gentle as she cupped his face. âIt's going to be okay. You're going to be okay, baby.â
Azriel didn't know how to believe her. It seemed to him like nothing could ever be okay again. He couldn't feel his hands anymoreâthey had been replaced by a blinding pain that reached up to his elbows. All he could see when he looked down was a red splotch, too red to be normal.
When his father had heard his screams, heâd called the healers. By then, it was too late, and the damage was already done. But his father had merely given his half-brothers a disappointed look and dumped Azriel in his mother's care, as if he had become even more of a burden than before. He didn't know what he had done to deserve it.
His mom began to hum a lullaby, but Azriel could barely hear it over his sobs and whimpers. She took one of his shaking hands in hers as gently as she could, touching his marred skin when strictly necessary, but even that drew a shriek from him.
âI know, baby,â his mother whispered as she began wrapping his hand in new strips of clean fabric. âI know it hurts. But I need to bandage it so it can get better, okay?â
Azriel tried to hold back his cries of pain as she worked. He tried to focus on her face and the lullaby instead, but he kept praying through it allâto the Cauldron, to the Mother, to whoever was listeningâthat it would be over soon. Just like he had begged and prayed while his half-brothers had burned him, but no one had come then.
Now, though, his silent prayers were answered.
âThere you go, my love,â his mom said softly, placing a kiss on his forehead. âAll done. See? Does it hurt a bit less now?â
He looked down to find his hands covered in white linen. The tight bandages applied just enough pressure to reduce the pain, even if only by just a fraction. He met his mother's concerned gaze and nodded weakly, watching as the corner of her lips twitched upward. It didn't help much, though, and tears still streamed down his face.
âCome here,â she whispered, gathering his shaking body in her arms and holding him close to her chest. âMy precious boy. You'll get through this, Az. I promise.â
Azriel buried his face in her neck and cried until he was too exhausted to do even that. But his mom never stopped singing him an old Illyrian lullaby, rocking him back and forth as if he were a newborn baby.
She kept going long after he fell asleep.
~~~~~~
Azriel was staring at his hands, at the ridges of his new scars. He knew he should be practicing, but he could only stare.
âWhat is it, sweetie?â
His mother came up beside him. His father had allowed her to see him a bit more over the last few months, not wanting to spend money on healers more than once every other week when they came to check on him and his progress.
Azriel turned his hands over, now looking at the backs of them. He still wasnât used to seeing them like this. How much time had he spent looking at them? During those long hours in his cell with no light, he had thought about them endlessly.
Sometimes, he could swear the darkness whispered in his ear, soothing his mind until he finally fell asleep.
âThey're ugly,â he said. His voice was flat, as if he was simply stating a fact. Because that's what they were to himâugly, ruined, useless. Always shaking and itching.
His mother's soft hands enveloped his smaller ones in a gentle hold. âLook at me.â
He obeyed, meeting her tender, reassuring gaze. Even at his young age, he knew she loved him. His stepmother never looked at him like that, on the rare occasions she even bothered to acknowledge his existence.
âYour hands are not ugly, my child,â his mom assured him. Her tone was calm, but there was a new resolution etched onto her features. âThey've just been through a lot.â
Azriel shook his head. âThey're ugly,â he insisted. âNo one else has hands that look like this. They're full of scars and cuts andâŚâ
His voice trailed off as his mom extended her wings behind her. A twinge of pain crossed her face, and she could only unfold them a few inches, but it was enough for Azriel to see the twin long scars running down their length. He didn't know how she got them, but she once told him she couldn't fly because of them. Heâd felt an odd sense of relief at that, knowing his mom couldn't fly eitherâthat her blood, like his, urged her to take off and roam the skies, yet neither of them could.
âDo you think my wings are ugly, Az?â she asked. She still spoke with that soft tone, but it was now tinged with firmness.
Azriel immediately shook his head. âNo,â he answered. âNo, they're not ugly.â
âBut they have scars. They're ruined and useless.â How had she known those were the words he used for his own hands? Had he said them out loud? âWhat are wings for, if not for flying? Yet I can't fly anymore.â
He shook his head again, more firmly this time. âMom, no,â he said, decisive and unyielding. âYour wings are beautiful. You're beautiful.â
Her face softened, a smile blooming on her lips as she gently squeezed his hands. âThen your hands are beautiful too.â She lifted them to her lips, kissing each one. âThink of them not as reminders of pain, but of strength. You've suffered a lot, but you're stronger. You're healing. And one day, it won't even hurt anymore.â
Azriel was silent for a long moment. âIs it really like that?â
âOf course, baby,â she reassured him, leaning down to press a kiss to his hair.
He knew she was lying. He saw the pain on her face when she moved her wings. They still hurt sometimes. But he believed her anyway, because he needed to.
His mother let go of his hands and picked up the pen he had discarded just a few minutes ago. âDo you think you can practice a little longer?â
Azriel didn't want to. His fingers had gone stiff earlier, the constant itching even stronger now. But he didn't want his hands to be useless, so he took the pen from her.
Almost two sheets of paper were covered with just one word, repeated over and over. His own name. Easy enough to write, yet the letters were crooked and shaky, the ink smeared where his hand had accidentally trailed over it.
With a sigh, Azriel set the pen on the paper and tried his best to keep his hand steady as he resumed the exercise.
~~~~~~
Azriel really wanted to get laid.
There was no other way to say it. Every time he heard Cassian and Rhysand talk about a new girl they had slept with, he felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted to experience it tooâto know what it felt like to have that kind of connection with someone and not have to resort to his own hand whenever he couldn't ignore his need.
But he had always been too shy to approach the pretty girls his brothers chatted up so easily. His hands did nothing to help his confidence.
Tonight, though, was bonfire night. Organized twice a year, it was held on the Spring and Autumn Equinox to celebrate the new season. And this year, Azriel had every intention of going home with a girl.
His brothers were laughing and pushing each other as they walked through the muddy streets of Windhaven. He wasnât paying much attention to what they were sayingâsomething about their earlier fight during training. No, Azrielâs mind was already focused on his plan.
He would keep a safe distance from the fire, where no incidents could happen. But he would scan the crowd of Illyrians for a female who caught his interest, and when he found her, he would approach her, talk a little, and then ask if she wanted to go somewhere more private.
Simple enough.
He was a warrior in training, after all. He had seven Siphons. He was a Shadowsinger.
He had nothing to fear from interacting with girls.
Yet, he couldn't recall the last time heâd started a conversation with a female. In the ten years he'd been at Windhaven, it had probably happened only with Rhys's mother. But she didn't count.
Someone bumped into Azriel, and, lost in his thoughts as he was, he almost fell to the ground. He managed to flare his wings to steady himself, glaring at Cassian as he regained his balance.
âSorry about that,â Cassian said, though his snicker didn't make him sound particularly sincere. âI've been talking to you for two minutes, but you didn't hear a single word. What's going on?â
âNothing,â Azriel mumbled, folding his wings behind him again. âMaybe you're just not worth listening to.â
Cassian gasped audibly, clutching his chest in mock heartache as a group of children sprinted by, headed for the square where the first booms of laughter and echoes of chattering rang out.
âDon't worry, Az,â Rhys chimed in before their brother could come up with a retort. âYou'll get your first taste of sex tonight.â
Azriel shrugged off the hand Rhysand had placed on his shoulder. âDon't look in my mind,â he nearly growled, checking his mental shields just to be sure.
Both his brothers halted their steps and stared at him, twin shit-eating grins on their faces.
âI didn't,â Rhys said. âBut thank you for confirming my suspicions.â
Cassian nudged him with an elbow, already teasing him about girls and first times and wingspans. With a snort, Azriel shoved him away and continued toward the bonfire, leaving the other two behind to push each other around, their chuckles chasing him down the street.
How they had guessed what he was up to, he didn't know. Heâd been careful not to tell them, knowing their reaction would consist of snickers and jabs that he was in no mood for.
As he turned the corner, the square came into view. Just like every year, the bonfire stood in its center, rising several feet high and adorned with little homemade trinkets meant to bring good luck and a prosperous season when burned.
They would light it soon.
The square was already packed with people when Azriel reached it. Children ran around chasing each other, their laughs and screams echoing into the night. Warriors gathered in small groups, swords on their back and knives at their thighs or hips, not letting their guard down even during a festivity.
And then there were the females. Most sat together in a corner, chatting idly and glancing at the children from time to time. But some of themâthe younger ones, the ones around Azriel's ageâstrolled in groups of two or three.
How was he supposed to approach them if they were always together? It was difficult enough when they were alone.
Azriel spotted Cassian and Rhys from the corner of his eye and moved deeper into the crowd, choosing to stand on the opposite side of the square from them. The last thing he needed was for his brothers to make fun of him.
Someone shouted a warning, and a moment later, the pyre was lit. Azriel flinched as flames erupted, pressing himself closer to the wall behind him. Even from this distance, he could feel the heat of the fire, warming his skin and casting a flickering glow all around.
He shut it out. He shut out the memory of what fire could do to flesh, the smell of burned skin, the screams and cries of a terrified eight-year-old boy. The shadows suddenly swirled around him, brushing against his arms and neck.
Past. Gone. Gone. Just memories.
Azriel closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, letting the truth they whispered calm his racing heart.
He sensed the girl before even the darkness could murmur of her approach.
He let his shoulders slump a little and slid his hands into his pockets, assuming a more casual stance. When he opened his eyes, she was watching him from a few feet away. Her head snapped around to stare at the bonfire as soon as she realized she'd been caught staring.
Azriel couldn't suppress his smirk. He had grown accustomed to females looking his way from the moment heâd hit puberty, but it still made him feel smug every time. Never mind that they didn't approach himâor that he never approached them.
But now, though. Now he would.
Taking one last deep breath, he took a nervous step toward her. And then another. She glanced in his direction, cheeks flushed and eyes wide, but one more step and Azriel was standing in front of her.
A few inches shorter than him, she didn't back away, her big brown eyes meeting his hazel ones. Her delicate face was framed by strands of wavy black hair that flowed past her shoulders, and he stopped himself before his eyes could travel downward to the curves shaping her slim body. She was pretty. Beautiful, even.
âHi,â he said, attempting a smile. He wasn't sure it looked right.
The girl offered a small smile back. âI'm, uh⌠I didn't mean to stare. Iâm sorry.â
He shrugged. âIt's alright.â
For a brief, awkward moment, they just stood there, looking at each other. Then Azriel realized she was waiting for him to say something more. Right.
âWhat's your name?â he finally asked, silently thanking the little shadow that had curled around his ear to whisper the suggestion.
âI'm Teagan.â The girl's smile widened. âAnd you're Azriel.â
Caught off guard, he blinked. âYou know me?â
Teagan chuckled, a clear and crystalline sound that eased some of the tension in Azriel's body.
Some of it.
âI've seen you around,â she answered with a shrug. Firelight danced on her features. âThere aren't many Shadowsingers here, you know. None, in fact. You're one of a kind.â
Her initial shyness seemed completely gone now. Good. That made one of them, at least. Because if her words were meant as flattery, they didn't work. Instead, they only made Azriel more nervous.
What if she had expectations? What if she started asking questions about his powers? What if she would be disappointed now that she was talking to him? What if sheâ
Azriel cleared his throat, trying to clear his mind at the same time. âThank you,â he said.
Too stiff. Too short. Not an acceptable answer. But he didn't know what else to say. How was he supposed to talk to a girl when heâd barely had any social interaction for the first eleven years of his life?
But Teagan must have found his awkwardness endearing, because she smiled, amusement shining in her eyes. âAren't you going to offer me some food?â
A blush crept up his cheeks as he glanced over to the few tables laid with food in one corner of the square. People were already gathering around them and filling their dishes. Cassian was there too, shamelessly flirting with a girl whose hands were already wandering over his chest.
Azriel turned back to Teagan and nodded, a shy smile forming on his face. âI am, actually.â He cleared his throatâas if it could help him sound more confidentâthen gestured to the tables with his head. His hands remained buried in the pockets of his coat. âWould you like to get some food?â
It came out too formal, and his posture was too rigid. And simply nodding toward the tables? Rude. How could Rhys do this so smoothly? How could Cassian be so bold and smug?
Teagan chuckled again, though. She looped her arm through Azriel's and steered him toward the food. âYou've never done this before, have you?â
He almost choked. It was worse than he'd feared, then.
âNo, not really⌠IâŚâ His voice trailed off, and he had no idea how to recover.
She leaned in closer as they walked, and Azriel became acutely aware of just how close she was. Her body pressed against his side, and he could feel her breath on his neck now. He wanted to take her hand, or maybe even slide his arm around her waist. If only he had worn gloves, maybe he would have dared. Though he'd need to find the courage first.
âAm I the first girl you try to flirt with?â she asked, her tone teasing.
Try. Not just flirt, but try to flirt. He was failing so miserably. Maybe he should just give up and leave.
Azriel could only nod, his face a deeper shade of red than Cassianâs siphons.
âI think it's cute,â Teagan said, her big smile lighting up her pretty face. âI'm glad you chose me to be your first.â
If only she knew what kind of first Azriel hoped she would be⌠but judging by how things were going, he suspected they wouldnât get that far.
âI⌠don't really know what I'm doing,â he admitted, unsure why he was even saying that. It probably wasn't a smart move to reveal it, but it was too late to take it back.
As they weaved through the crowd, Teagan stepped even closer to him, and in doing so, her wing brushed against Azrielâs. They both gasped, and though she smiled sheepishly, he didnât miss the mischievous gleam in her eyes.
âSorry,â she said, a hint of amusement in her voice. âI just wanted to be closer to you. I really think you're cute. And I appreciate your honesty.â
Azriel smiled warmly, his heart thumping in his chest. He could still salvage this, maybe, so that his first interaction with a girl wouldnât be a total failure.
As they stopped in front of the tables, he stepped back slightly to face her. âI think youâre cute too,â he said, meeting her gaze. He did his best not to sound shy or awkward. âYou're very pretty.â
Her face lit up. âThank you, Azriel.â
He was about to offer her some food when a group of kids suddenly weaved through the crowd and ran by. Azriel heard them coming and tucked his wings tightly, but Teagan either noticed them too late or couldn't fold her clipped wings any further.
The children bumped into her as they sprinted past, and she sucked in a sharp breath when one of them brushed her wing. Azriel was quick to grab her elbow to steady her, and something fluttered in his chest when she smiled in thanks. But then her gaze moved to his hand, still on her arm, and her eyes widenedâin horror or shock, he couldn't tell.
He pulled his hand back as fast as he could, tucking it back into his pocket.
Too late.
Teagan swallowed, and the silence that stretched between them hit Azriel as painfully as a punch to the jaw.
âSo,â he said eventually, feeling beyond awkward as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. âWhat kind of food wouldââ
âI'm sorry,â she interrupted, already taking a small step back. Her eyes darted to the pocket where heâd hidden his hand before looking at him again. No warmth shone in them now. âBut I forgot I had to⌠do something very important with my friend. Maybe another time.â
Azriel stood there, watching her turn and walk away without another glance. The rejection left him reeling. His mother could say whatever she wanted about his scars not being ugly or horrifying, but he now knew better than to believe her.
His hands balled into fists, and he took a deep breath, flexing his fingers. Without bothering to inform his brothersâwho were probably on their way to sleep with yet another girl, since their hands were perfectly normal and unscarredâAzriel left the square. He put a few buildings between himself and the ongoing festivities before taking off to the skies.
He didn't return until long after the sun had set over the horizon.
~~~~~~
Azriel wished he could say he felt at least a bit bad for his half-brothers as Rhys and Cass threw punch after punch at their jaw and stomach. But all he felt while watching the scene unfold was a deep sense of satisfaction, which only grew with every new groan.
When Rhys had told him he needed to talk to his father for court matters, Azriel had refused to go. He had no interest in seeing his father or the rest of his family again, and Rhys had understood, asking Cassian to accompany him instead.
But Azriel had followed them. There was no reason for Cass to be there too, not when he was no good at playing courtier. He doubted Rhysand's father had told him to bring Cassian along.
Hidden in the shadows in the corner of the room, Azriel watched in silence as his brothersâhis real ones, the only ones who mattered, as far as he was concernedâlanded blow after blow. He knew now this was the real reason they'd come here.
Cassian had been itching for a fight from the moment they arrived and he didn't do a good job at hiding it. Azriel wasn't sure Cassian even tried to hide it. Rhys looked more composed, the perfect picture of the future High Lord dealing with minor problems of his Court. But as soon as Azriel's father had left, both of them had turned to his half-brothers with pure rage in their eyes.
One of them had been either bold or stupid enough to smirk. âHow's our bastard brother doing?â
Rhysand and Cassian had both snapped. Despite being a few years older, his half-brothers didn't stand a chance. A warm feeling of affection was the only thing filling his chest as Azriel watched the two Illyrians who had taken him in, taught him how to fly, and showed him what a real family looked like, beat the shit out of whom was supposed to be his actual family.
He didn't make a sound, using his shadows to conceal even his scent. They were all too busy to pick up on it, even more so now that the metallic scent of blood filled the air, but he preferred to be careful.
Azriel didn't know exactly how much time had passed when Rhys and Cass finally relented, their chests heaving and their knuckles smeared with red. They straightened their backs, Cassianâs wings still spread in a fighting stance. Rhys, on the other hand, looked more relaxed, but his cold expression betrayed him.
âDon't you dare speak of him like that again,â Cassian snarled. His voice was just slightly breathless despite the beating he'd just given. âEspecially after what you did to him.â
Azriel fought the urge to look down at his scarred hands. Being back in his father's keep was enough to stir memories he had long tried to forget. Instead, he focused on his brothers, on how much they must love him to risk hurting and threatening the sons of an Illyrian lord because of what they'd done to him.
Rhys exchanged a knowing glance with Cassian, and they turned to leave, abandoning his half-brothers on the floor. But they stood with a groan, battered and bloodied, still as arrogant as before. If not more so, now that they needed to make up for their bruised ego after being beaten so easily by a half-Illyrian and a low-born bastard.
One of them, the oldest, flared his wings as if trying to appear more intimidating. âHe deserved it,â he spat.
Azriel had to stop himself from lunging forward and burying his own fist in his half-brother's stomach. He wanted to make him understand, to wave his hands in front of his face and yell at him. See this? This is what you did to me. I was eight! How could I have deserved it?
But he remained still, standing in the corner with his hands balled into fists so tight that his nails dug into his palms.
Rhysand held back Cassian as he tried to pounce on Azrielâs half-brothers. Cassian looked outraged, as if he couldn't understand why he suddenly wasn't allowed to fight. But Azriel could see the expression on Rhys's face and knew his brother had something different in mind.
âYou think Azriel deserved it?â he asked, his voice unnervingly calm. He looked a lot like his father nowâaware that he didn't need to raise his voice or his fists for people to obey.
âWell, fortunately for you, I can't show you exactly what I think you two deserve,â Rhys continued, slowly slipping his hands into his pockets. âBut I can at least give you a taste of it.â
Before anyone could move, a crack pierced the air, immediately followed by a sharp cry of pain as his half-brothers both collapsed to the ground once more. Their legs lay beneath them at strange angles, the bone of one protruding where it had pierced the skin. The scent of blood grew stronger as the white tiles turned red.
His mother would have disapproved, Azriel knew that. She believed vengeance should not be sought out, and that living well in spite of what had happened was more than enough. Perhaps she was right, and Azriel was as bad and cruel as his half-brothers, after all. But as he stood there, watching them bleed and whine and scream for a healer who didn't come, all he felt was a deep sense of satisfaction, knowing that they now felt a fraction of the helplessness he had felt when they burned him.
Cassian crossed his arms, a feral grin spreading across his face. âStop crying, boys,â he taunted. âIt's not like you won't heal.â
The corner of Rhys's lips curled into a smirk. âI put a shield around the room. No one can hear you or smell the blood. I think I'll leave it in place and let you crawl out to ask for help.â
With a glance to Cassian, Rhys gestured toward the door in a silent command, and they walked out without sparing the two Illyrians another glance.
But Azriel stayed a few more moments. Just long enough to see his half-brothers try to rise, fail miserably, and fall back on the floor. When they began to crawl, using their hands to drag themselves across the floor, smearing their blood over the tiles and their clothes, Azriel smiled.
He didn't care if they were spouting insults at him and his brothers. He didn't care what kind of person that made him. The sight of his half-brothers crawling and bleeding delighted him.
With one last look at them, Azriel winnowed away, his heart full of love for the two brothers the Cauldron had blessed him with.
~~~~~~
It felt like centuries had passed since Azriel had last been this nervous around a girl. It had likely been over a hundred years, if not more, since he couldn't recall the last time he went on a date. Even longer since heâd had a genuine crush. Normally, he just approached girls, or they approached him, and things quickly escalated into a night of sex. But it was nothing more than thatâjust fucking.
With you, it was different.
He met you a couple of weeks ago when he walked into your little bookstore to buy a present for Nesta's birthday. You were so nice and radiant that he couldn't stop thinking about you, and he lost count of how many times he came, buying books he didn't need and asking for recommendations only to listen to you talk. And then he had finally asked you out, and your smile had lit up the whole shop as you said yes.
He was standing on the other side of the street, watching as you closed up the store for the day. Your dress flew around your legs in the evening breeze, and your hair was styled in a simple bun on your head.
Azriel smiled as you crossed the street. As usual, he had to hold back his shadows as they swirled excitedly around him. âYou look lovely,â he said when you stopped in front of him.
âThank you,â you replied quietly, lowering your gaze for a second before looking at him with a smile. âYou're not too bad either.â
He chuckled softly. âThank you.â Offering his arm, he gestured to the street. âShall we?â
You looped your arm through his, and together you strolled along the Sidra, your steps unhurried.
Conversation flowed easily, and Azriel relaxed more as you talked about everything from your job to his preference for flying over winnowing. His shadows, which had lingered around his wings, vanished completely. But then you got to the little restaurant where he had reserved a table, and he grew nervous once more.
Even with your arms linked, your focus never drifted to his hands during the walk. Your eyes were either on him or your surroundings, making it easy to forget his marred skin.
Until you sat across from him and the food arrived. There was no way now you wouldn't notice his scars, which normally wasn't a problemâhe'd stopped caring about strangers' opinions years ago. But you weren't a stranger, and you weren't just another girl he wanted to fuck.
You were sweet and beautiful, and he was drawn to you in a way he hadn't experienced in decades. He didn't want you to run away from him.
Maybe he shouldn't have taken you out to dinner on the first date, because now it was probably going to be the last one too.
Yet you didn't stare at his hands. You acted as if everything was normal, never commenting or asking what had happened to him. You carried on the conversation just like before, and when Azriel, hiding his distress behind a carefully crafted mask, asked you about a theater play you'd just mentioned, you launched into a passionate description of its plot and themes. His uneasiness slowly faded as he watched your eyes light up. You leaned closer over the table, so engaged in your story that Azriel found himself smiling and nodding along, only half listening, his worries about his hands momentarily forgotten.
Your voice suddenly trailed off mid-sentence, and you leaned back in your chair, tilting your head to the side. âWhat?â you asked with a soft smile. Before he could answer, you tensed and added, âI've done it again, haven't I? Rambling on about something you don't care about.â
Azriel shook his head, his hand itching to reach across the table and brush yours, though he held back. âY/N,â he said, his voice quiet and reassuring. âI do care. I asked you that question. You just had that look on your face.â
Your brow furrowed. âWhat look?â
âThe one you have when you talk about something you like,â he answered, watching your expression grow confused for a second. âYou have it when you talk about books too.â
You were quiet for a moment, and then your eyes narrowed slightly. âAzriel,â you said slowly, but your lips twitched up in a smirk. âDid you ask for all those recommendations just to hear me talk?â
âMaybe,â he conceded, a faint blush creeping up his neck. His heart fluttered as your eyes met, and he couldnât help but smile back.
Heâd forgotten having a crush could feel like thisâlike being a boy again. Only now he knew what to do.
Heâd never been much of a talker, preferring to listen and chime in occasionally, but with you, it was easy. You had your own way of involving him, asking questions or simply waiting for him to share his thoughts. Even though you barely paused, Azriel never felt like you were hogging the attention. On the contrary, you made him more at ease.
After you left the restaurant, you went strolling through the streets of Velaris. Azriel was just about to answer your question about how fast, exactly, an Illyrian could fly when you let out a delighted squeal, grabbed his hand, and pulled him toward a small bakery.
âOh, I was waiting for this place to open!â You stopped in front of the window with a dreamy sigh before turning to look up at him. âI forgot it was today. Can we go in? Please, tell me you like pastries!â
Your enthusiasm was endearing, but Azriel couldnât help glancing down at your hand still holding his larger, scarred one. You didn't seem to noticeâor if you did, you didnât care.
Your grip loosened slightly as you noticed the shift in his attention, but you didn't let go. âSorry,â you said quietly, your eyes searching his face. âI got a bit carried away. Is this alright?â
He wasn't sure what to say. The lump in his throat made it hard to speak. That you had grabbed his hand without thinking was enough to leave him speechless, but what you were asking now⌠it wasnât just that you weren't bothered by his scars. It was that you wanted to keep holding his hand. Azriel couldn't wrap his mind around it.
You probably misunderstood his silence because you started to pull back. He immediately held your hand tighter, gently squeezing it, as if to silently reassure you. âNo, itâs okay,â he said quickly, his voice softer than usual. âIâm justâŚâ Not used to it. âYou caught me off-guard, thatâs all.â
âI caught the spymaster off guard?â you teased, raising an eyebrow. âShould I be worried? Do we need to inform the High Lord?âÂ
Azriel shook his head with a soft chuckle, his gaze lingering on you before he gestured toward the bakery. âWould you still like those pastries?â
Your eyes lit up, and Azriel made a mental note of how much you liked sweets. âOh, yes, please!â
âThen letâs get you some, shall we?â
You walked past him as he held the door open for you, a grateful smile lighting up your face. Your hand remained entwined with his, and for once, Azriel didnât feel the need to hide it.
You did not let go until he walked you home and you closed the front door behind you, and Azriel had never felt such lightness as he flew back to the House of Wind.
~~~~~~
Azriel sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his hands with a grimace on his face.
Someone had tried to infiltrate Velaris, likely sent from the Hewn City, and Azriel had been called to find out why. He could still recall the blood and the pleading whimpers. But in the end, he got the information he wanted. He always did.
At a cost.
He had long since learned to keep a cold expression, even in the face of the suffering he caused. He was used to it after centuries, and as long as it kept his city and family safe, he didn't care how cruel he had to become. Maybe it made him a horrible person, but his soul wasn't the cost.
The cost was his hands.
Even after all this time, being in the cells beneath the Hewn City was like being back in the cell in his father's mansion. He had to shut down every part of him that felt, bury those memories deep down in his mind, and remind himself that he wasn't a helpless child anymore.
He was a five-hundred-year-old warrior, and he had a job to do.
But once the job was done, and Rhys decided how to deal with the prisoner and the consequences, Azriel would go back to his room knowing he didn't have much time.
He would wash his bloodied hands, though he knew no matter how much he washed, he could never cleanse them completely. He had five centuries worth of blood on them. After they were clean, if he was lucky, like today, he had time to peel off his leathers before the inevitable happened.
The pain.
No matter how many times heâd been in those dungeons, no matter how many years had passed since heâd last been locked in his fatherâs cell, he still didnât know how to stop the pain from returning.
It wasnât as bad as it had been the first few times, and it was nothing compared to what he had felt while his hands were being burned and in the days after. But Azriel still gritted his teeth, a low hiss escaping from him.
He tried clenching them into fists, but the relief lasted only a few seconds before he had to relax them again. His fingers were stiff as he reached for the drawer, a fresh surge of stinging pain hitting him when he pulled it open. Shadows dove in before he could and quickly whisked up a small jar of white cream. They undid the lid, and Azriel felt grateful for the dark companions that had never once left his side now more than ever.
Willing his hands to cooperate, he scooped up some of the soothing balm a healer had made for him. It always took a little while for its effect to show, but pain was an old friend he had learned to live with.
The herbal scent filled the room as Azriel did his best to spread the balm over every inch of his hands, trying to ignore the stinging itch. Scratching would only make it worse, reddening his already scarred skin until it threatened to bleed again.
He shifted to lie on the bed, wings spread beneath him. He just had to endure the ache for a few more minutes before the balm took effect, and then he could try to sleep. He needed some rest after such a long day, if only to have a clear mind when he met you the next afternoon.
As his shadows hummed in his ear the Illyrian lullaby his mother used to sing him as a child, Azriel let his eyes drift close, flexing his aching fingers every few seconds, hoping for a faster relief.
~~~~~~
Things moved slowly with you.
Neither of you wanted to rush into anything and potentially ruin what you both knew could be the beginning of something great.
You went on several dates, and some ended with him spending the night at your apartment, snuggled up in your bed, which was too small for an Illyrian. Azriel didnât care as long as he got to fall asleep with you in his arms.
But things had never gone this far.
When he came to your bookshop earlier, he had only planned to walk you home. You were tired from a long day dealing with customers, and he had to wake up early the next morning to leave for Illyria for a few days. Maybe it was the thought of not seeing youâeven if only for a weekâor the fact that you looked stunning in your simple dress, with strands of hair escaping from your messy bun. Whatever it was, Azriel wanted you. He needed you.
His lips parted from yours, both of you already breathing heavily. âI don't want to go home,â he murmured, his hands on your hips, twisting the thin fabric of your dress, wishing it weren't there.
âWhat do you want to do then?â you asked, amusement clear in your eyes. But there was desire there too, mirroring his own.
âI want to take off your dress,â he whispered, his fingers already moving to the straps on your shoulders. âWill you let me?â
âYes,â you breathed. âTake it off.â
With deft fingers, he slid the straps down your arms, and the fabric slipped off your body, pooling around your feet. You stepped out of it, and Azriel swallowed at the sight of you clad only in your cream underwear.
âIf I had known we'd be doing this, I would have worn something more enticing,â you said quietly. There was no shyness or embarrassment in your voice, as if you were simply stating a fact. You did have a pointâyour lingerie was simple, something you wore every day. It didn't matter to Azriel.
He shook his head, stepping closer to you. âYou don't need to,â he murmured. His hands cupped your face, tilting your head up to kiss you tenderly. âYou're always stunning, sweetheart, no matter what you wear.â
You hummed, a smile playing on your lips. âNow I want to know what you think when I'm not wearing anything.â
Azriel chuckled, even as desire coiled in his groin. A part of him wanted to toss you on the bed and fuck you senseless. But most of all, he wanted to take his time exploring your body, finding every spot that made you squirm and sigh. Only after he'd thoroughly tasted you would he bury himself inside you.
âLet's find out,â he replied with a smirk, already knowing that, no matter what, you'd always be perfect in his eyes.
He reached behind you to unclasp your bra, and as he tossed it on the chair, he felt himself harden. Your breasts were full and supple, your pink nipples so inviting that he wanted to wrap his lips around them. Yet as he lifted a hand to touch you, he hesitated.
The stark contrast between your soft, smooth skin and his scarred fingers made him pause. He had touched you before, but never so intimately. How could he do that? His hands had so much blood on them. With how they looked, it felt only fitting he would use them for horrible thingsâto hurt people. Not to touch the wonderful girl he was falling for. How could he be so selfish as to sully you like that? You deserved so much better than him. Someone who didnât torture and kill for a living, who didnât have a dark past still haunting him.
Someone good.
He took a step back, lowering his hand.
âAzriel,â you called gently. There was no sign of judgment or disappointment in your voice. You just wanted him to look at you.
Slowly, his eyes met yours. To his astonishment, a soft smile bloomed on your lips.
âItâs alright,â you murmured, taking his hands in yours. He fought the urge to pull away. âYou can touch me. I want you to touch me.â
He wanted to. More than anything. He wished he could.
âI shouldnât,â he whispered.
âWhy?â
How could he explain? He never told you what had happened to him. He didnât want you to pity him or, even worse, to drive you away. Selfishly, he wanted to keep you in his life.
When he didnât answer, your fingers slid around his wrists. Neither of you spoke as you lifted his hands to your mouth and kissed each scarred palm. Azrielâs throat worked, his heart pounding in his chest. Without a word, you placed his hands on your breasts. You let go of his wrists, giving him the freedom to pull away if he wanted to. But your eyes never left his, and that soft smile never faltered.
Azriel swallowed hard. For a moment, he just stood there, not pulling away but not moving either. Your face was open and serene, as if his scars didnât bother you, even now that they were touching such an intimate part of your body.
Seeing you like this, so calm and accepting, so soft and warm under his palms⌠his thumbs moved, brushing over your nipples. You shivered, and he couldnât stop himself from doing it again, feeling the small buds harden under his touch.
As if sensing his impending question, you nodded slightly. âYou can touch me, Az.â
Though he knew it was wrong and still didnât understand how you could want his bloodied, scarred hands on you, he gave you what you wantedâwhat you both wanted.
He slid one hand behind your neck, pulling you closer and kissing you again. The other remained on your breast, kneading the soft flesh, savoring every small sigh that escaped your lips. You leaned into him, your fingers tangling in his hair, deepening the kiss until Azrielâs control hung only by a thin thread.
When you pulled back, you didnât give him time to lower his mouth to your neck. You grasped his hand, gently moving it away from your chest, and a wave of fear tightened in Azrielâs stomach. You had changed your mind. Of course you had. He should have seen it coming.
But instead of stepping away, you guided his hand down. Between your legs.
His breath caught as his fingers brushed against your panties, feeling the already damp fabric beneath his touch.
âY/NâŚâ he whispered, his voice almost too quiet to hear. âAre you sure?â
You were smiling again. âYes. Please, Az.â
He didnât know how to say no. He knew he should have, that he was unworthy of touching someone so pure and lovely. But you had already pushed the fabric aside, and he groaned as your slick arousal coated his fingertips. Before he even realized what he was doing, his fingers found your clit, drawing a soft moan from you.
The thin thread holding his control snapped at the sound, and Azriel let himself give in.
He pulled you closer, his eyes locked on yours as his fingers explored what they shouldnât. At the first sign of hesitation or revulsion, he was ready to stop. But pleasure was the only emotion etched across your face, and he could see the desire for more burning in your eyes. Yet you were letting him set the pace, giving him time to accept your permission to touch you.
He slipped a finger between your folds, teasing your entrance before tentatively easing it inside, just a little.
Your hips bucked, and your voice came out as a needy whisper. âPleaseâŚâ
Azriel hesitated for only a split second before pushing his finger all the way in. You were soft and warm, and you both groaned as your walls clenched around it. He couldnât believe you were letting him do this, but he couldnât stop now.
As he slowly pumped it in and out, your hips began to rock against his hand to match his movements. He watched in contemplation as your eyes fluttered close and your lips parted slightly, a breathy moan slipping out when he couldnât resist the urge to add a second finger.
âAzrielâŚâ you murmured. âFeels so goodâŚâ
The sound of his name on your lips sent a wave of heat through his body. His wings rustled quietly behind him, and his cock throbbed in his pants. He pulled his hand away, relishing your disappointed whimper.
You hadnât run away from him. You didnât let his scars intimidate you, or shape your opinion of him. You werenât bothered by his marred fingers touching you; on the contrary, you craved them inside you. So why, despite the voice in his head whispering that he wasnât worthy of it, should he deny you something you both wanted so badly? He wanted to taste you, to make you come on his fingers, and see how much pleasure they could bring you.
âI want to do this properly,â he murmured, gently guiding you to the bed. âWill you lie down for me, sweetheart?â
Your face lit up with a smile, and you slipped out of your panties. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you spread your legs, baring yourself to his hungry gaze.
As Azriel knelt between your parted thighs, he pushed every thought about his hands out of his mind, focusing only on the beautiful girl before him and the warmth settling in his heart.
~~~~~~
Azriel jolted awake, his chest heaving. He lifted his hands in front of him, the dim light of the moon casting shadows across them.
They were fine. Scarred as always, but fine.
He took a deep breath as he lay back down. It was just a nightmareâmemories coming back to haunt him in his sleep every now and then. Even after centuries.
âAz?â
He cursed silently as you stirred beside him, turning to face him. He could see your struggle to open your eyes, your voice a sleepy mumble.
âAre you okay, love?â
âYeah,â he whispered back, wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer. âSorry I woke you.â
âIt's alright.â
It always was with you. You never complained when his nightmares disrupted your sleep. He didn't have them as often since you'd moved in together, fortunately. Sleeping next to you helped, but it wasn't a cure.
âDid you have a nightmare?â you asked quietly. With your head resting on his chest, you could probably hear the rapid thumping of his heart. He willed it to slow.
âIt's fine, sweetheart,â he sighed. He pressed a kiss to your hair, and his tone was softer when he spoke again. âGo back to sleep.â
You curled up against him, and he thought you might let it go. But instead, you continued to look up at him. âYou know you can talk to me if you want.â
âI know,â he murmured. Youâd always been there for him when he needed it. You had been since the moment you met a year ago, and he was grateful for it every single day. He couldn't wait for your mating ceremony in two weeks and prove once more how much you meant to him.
You shifted in his arms, and then your head was on the pillow next to his, your face only inches away from his. You reached for his hand and lifted it up to your lips, kissing his palm, his fingers, his knuckles.
Azriel watched in silence, a lump in his throat. His heart still raced, and he felt the sudden urge to cry. He didn't even need to tell you what he needed, what burdened him. You always knew. Even before the bond snapped, you'd understood him effortlessly.
âYour hands are fine,â you murmured against his marred skin. âAnd so are you. You're fine. They can't hurt you anymore.â
Azriel closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill. He buried his face in your neck, freeing his hand from your gentle grasp so that he could hold you tighter and press his body against yours. He draped his wings over you, unwilling to let go.
Your fingers stroke through his black curls. âI'm here, my love.â Your voice was soothing and soft, and Azriel felt like the helpless child he'd been five hundred years agoâneeding reassurance, care, love. Maybe he would always need those things.
âYou're here with me. You're safe now.â
He couldn't stop them, then. Tears slipped past his eyelids, rolling down his cheeks and dampening the skin of your neck. But your gentle caresses and soothing words never faltered.
âIt's alright,â you whispered. Your warmth seeped into him, and he felt so cared for that even the last of his walls began to crumble. A broken sob tore through him.
âYou're safe, my love.â You cradled his head against your neck, lips brushing his hair. âYou can let it all out.â
Azriel did. You'd helped him through difficult moments before, but he had always held back because he didn't want to feel weak. He didn't want you to think he was weak. But if heâd learned anything from you, it was that crying didn't make him weak. That letting his feelings pour out through tears was better than burying them deep down for centuries.
So, he let them rise to the surface. The pain, the anger, the grief for the childhood heâd never had, the bitterness and frustration.
He had never cried about it before, but as he did, he could see it, for the first time in his lifeâa small light, a way out of the endless cycle of self-pity and hate he'd fallen into.
Maybe his mother had been right all those years ago. He was still healing, even after five centuries. He didn't know how much longer it would take, but maybe heâd reach a point when the nightmares stopped, his hands didn't hurt, and he could accept his scars. And maybe, one day, he wouldn't need his mother or his mate to remind him that his hands weren't ugly.
Azriel had no idea for how long you let him cry and sob in your arms. He had so many pent-up emotions, so much he still couldn't express, words he couldn't voice. But it was a start. And as exhaustion dragged him back to sleep, the weight on his chest, on his heart and soul, felt a little lighter.
Yet you still held him close, stroking his black curls long after he fell asleep.
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Azriel Week | Day 2 - Scarred
@azrielappreciationweek
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
Azriel and Gwyn are drawing hearts and constellations to each otherâs hands.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
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@azrielappreciationweek Day Two â Scarred
Azriel teaching his daughter the secret of his snowball fight winning technique! Azriel as a father will be something so healing to the wounds and scars within him, being able to raise his children in a way that is full of love and tendernessâsomething that he was unfortunately not able to experience for a very long time. I am also a sucker for Azriel being a girl dad; he loves his girls!
I think that there is something so inherently beautiful about Azriel being dealt such unfortunate cards throughout his life and still finding the courage to be good and I believe that those same admirable traits will continue on into his future with his family, both found and made.
Both Azriel and this song are incredibly meaningful to me, and I am overjoyed to be able to put them together into the same post. Eagerly counting down the days until his book is announced.
ART CREDIT @mangomangoj / mangomangoj
COMMISSION BY @oristian
PLEASE DO NOT REPOST
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Maps
Azriel x reader
Summary: Azriels daughter finds his scars far more interesting than the map you're trying to show her, indirectly healing a part of Azriel he had left in the dark
Note: I had to make some last minute edits on my phone so the spacings and other things might be slightly off. OTHER THAN THAT, enjoy some more fluff <33
@azrielappreciationweek day 2
I spread the map of Prythian across the table, carefully smoothing out the edges so Alaiyah could see it. Her little hands gripped the tables edge as she leaned in, dark brown ringlets tumbling over her face, her dimples peeking out as she tried to focus.
Her hazel eyesâAzrielâs hazel eyesâpeered down with intense focus, so much energy and curiosity in that tiny frame, and I felt my heart swell as I watched her.
âLook, Alaiyah,â I murmured, my finger tracing the spot where Velaris lay hidden in the mountains. âThis is where we live. You remember the pretty lights at night, donât you?â She tilted her head, scrunching her little nose in thought. For a moment, I thought she was captivated, her gaze roaming over the detailed lines of rivers and mountains. But then, she looked up at me, a spark in her eyes, a hint of mischief, and she shook her head, a dimple flashing in her cheek as she whispered, âIm going to daddyâ
Before I could respond, she slipped down from her chair, her tiny bare feet padding softly across the floor to the bed where Azriel sat, watching us with that quiet, contemplative look of his. She clambered up with ease, settling herself into his lap with a confidence that had Azriel momentarily taken aback. His lips parted slightly, but he stayed still, watching her with that gentleness he only kept for her and me.
Alaiyah took his scarred, calloused hand between her own, her chubby fingers so tiny as they tried to span the length of his broad palm. Azrielâs whole body stilled as she traced each scar and line with careful fingers, her small brow furrowed as if this were a puzzle only she could solve.
âI like this mapâ she murmured with conviction, tracing a deep scar across the center of his palm. "This is the mountain" she said, tapping near his thumb, her voice soft but certain. âthe river,â she added, running her finger along a thinner line on his wrist.
Azrielâs expression softened, as he allowed her to continue, his shadows curling closer around them as if forming a cocoon. He lowered his gaze, watching her with an intensity I hadnât seen beforeâa quiet awe mixed with something raw and vulnerable.
Finally, Alaiyah looked up at him, a shy, dimpled smile lighting her face as she whispered, âThis is my favorite place.â Azrielâs thumb brushed softly over her small hand, and he swallowed, his chest rising and falling in slow, even breaths, as he pressed a kiss to her one cheek, then another.
He raised his gaze to meet mine, his eyes holding an unspoken gratitude, a love so deep it felt as if heâd let his very soul be opened up and laid bare.
And as Alaiyah nestled herself closer to his chest, her small fingers tracing his skin with reverence, I knew sheâd shown him something he never thought he could findâ a peace, within himself.
Azrielâs gaze lifted to mine, his eyes catching and holding mine with a warmth that sent a flutter through my chest. Without a word, he extended a wing, unfolding it slowly, curving around to make space for me beside him and Alaiyah. I moved quietly across the room, settling down against him as his wing wrapped around us both, a sheltering cocoon of warmth and protection.
Alaiyah, noticing I had joined the daughter and father duo, turned and leaned against me, curling her tiny fingers around mine as she nestled between us.
After a moment of silence Azriel leaned down, his voice soft as he spoke again. âDid you know,â he said, glancing between us, âthis is my favorite place too?â I felt his words settle over us, a quiet, unspoken promise woven into the gentle hold of his wings and the warmth of his arms. I leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Alaiyah's giggle broke through "Silly daddy. I'm not a place"
Gods did I love her, I thought as Azrielâs laughter washed over me. How I wished I could capture this moment forever.
Note: pretty sure all the fics I've planned for az are fluff đ who cares he deserves it
#acotar#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#azriel fanfic#azriel x y/n#azriel fic#azriel#azriel x you#Azriel#pro azriel#azriel appreciation week
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âThis time, you sent the trembling fawn to find me. I did not expect to see those doe-eyes peering at me from across the world.â
Happy Elain Archeron Week Day 6: Fanged Beast
One of my absolute favorite theories in this fandom is that Elain will be able to traverse the murky realm, like the Mystics in HOSAB. @wingedblooms incredible mind connects details in a way most only dream of and has helped to further my excitement for Elainâs book and journey. You can find the two main theories that inspired this piece here and here.
The first time we see Elain peer across the world, she is doing so as a trembling fawn, but my hope is that, she will peer across worlds on her way to becoming a fanged beast and embrace that side of her in her own book.
In this piece, Elain has left behind Az and Bryce in Velaris, and stepped into the murky realm, only to be greeted by a waiting Apollion, mirroring Az. Apollionâs black eyes, deep and dark as the Pit in which he dwells- a telltale sign that his relaxed posture is nothing more than a trick to give a false sense of calm. But I have confidence Elainâs fangs and claws will get her back home.
A massive thank you to @luxury_banshee on IG for creating this piece for međ
You can find this art on IG here
Please do not repost
@elainarcheronweek
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Gwynriel week day 5: Domestic Life for @gwynrielweeksofficial
Yes I know Iâm very late.
Do NOT repost without credit!
IG: dimaalry
#gwynriel weeks 2024#gwynriel#gwyn x azriel#gwyneth berdara#azriel shadowsinger#acosf#acotar#digital art#illustration
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Cat claws
Day 2: Scarred.
Summary: Maybe he can forgive Nuts.
â˘âââŚâââ˘
Word Count: 1177
Warnings: cat being mean to hazel :(
A/n: azzie just loses his mind in tis lmao nd you cant blame him hazel's the most adorable little thing ever 𼚠yall just wait till she begins talking azs going to sob his eyes out (subtle foreshadowing đ)
@azrielappreciationweek
ANYWAY ENJOYYYY đĽł
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
Azriel watched, amused, as Hazel attempted to crawl towards the black furry creature that sat in the corner licking its paw.
Hazel had only started crawling a week or so ago, and Azriel absolutely loved watching her drag herself around. It was often amusing to see her get angry when the carpet slowed down her movements when it caught on her clothes, or when she bumped into the couch and glared at it.
She would always turn to search for Azriel when that happened, letting out the loudest yell her tiny body could muster as if ordering him to get rid of the offending item.
Even barely eight months old, Y/n always said Hazel had her fatherâs ability to glare and grumble.
Azriel always scoffed in return to that statement before forcing himself to stop and realise him being grumpy only proved his mateâs words to be true.
Hazel was currently looking at her father with her brows furrowed, and Azriel blinked, coming back to the present as he realised she was trying to move over the carpet. He grinned at the anger on her face and stood, bending down once he was close enough to pick her up.
He set her down closer to the cat Y/n had insisted on getting after Hazelâs birth, her reasoning being that their daughter needed a friend and then named him Nuts.
Hazel and her best friend Nuts.
âGet it? Hazel-Nutsâ She had giggled.
It made Azriel laugh back when she had suggested it, but soon enough heâd realised she was not joking. At all.
Azriel watched on with a smile as Hazel reached Nuts and tried to grab his fur. Nuts walked away without a look in her direction, which always pissed Azriel off. Who did the creature think it was?
"Azriel, thatâs a cat. He does not understand how to act with a baby-" Y/n called out from the kitchen, having peeked into the living room to see what had caused her mate to get so mad that his emotions reached her through the bond.
"Well how long does it take to learn? I swear to the mother one day I'm kicking him out if he continues to bully my daughter."
Azriel heard Y/n sigh and walk closer to him as Hazel crawled towards Nut again. He now sat closer to the hearth, where a fire burned red to ward off the winter chill that was beginning to set over Velaris.
"Az-"
But Azriel did not hear the rest of Y/nâs sentence.
His ears began ringing as he stepped forward as if in a daze, eyes sharp on the raised paw of Nuts, who, having seen Hazel get close to him again, tried to hit her.
The firelight glinted off his claws.
And then Hazelâs loud cries filled the room as her head reared back, eyes clenched shut in pain.
She had a habit of flopping on her back when she was mad. Azriel had never really worried too much about that particular habit of Hazelâs until now, when she was too close to the fire and the tiniest movement would end up with her-
No, Azriel did not want to complete the thought.
In that moment of panic, Azriel did not care that there was a glass covering separating the fire from the room, and that no matter what Hazel did, she would not be able to be burned.
In that moment all that mattered to Azriel was that the fucking cat living in his house had the audacity to hurt his daughter.
Azriel grabbed Hazel, frantically looking over her to check for her injuries. There werenât any big claw marks, but the tiny scratch on the chubby flesh of her upper arm connecting it to her shoulder made Azriel see red.
He turned to glare at Y/n as he pulled Haze close.
"I am telling you Y/n. If by the time I return, that bastard is not out of this house, I will drop him into the sidra myself."
Y/nâs eyes were helpless, but Azriel did not wait for a moment longer as he walked out of the main door and took flight, his only mission to find Madja and get his daughter healed.
He did not want her to be scarred like the hands cradling her.
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
Flying back home, Azriel decided that he needed some time alone to figure out why he had reacted so harshly.
He knew Y/n had been right. Nuts was an animal. He did not understand how to treat babies. But Azriel did not want to admit that.
The stars were out, so clearly visible as Azriel flew his daughter back home. It had been over an hour since heâd left the house in such a hurry, wishing he could strangle the cat.
He had taken to the skies after Madja had assured him that Hazel would be fine, and had his emotions not been so high and panicked, maybe Hazel wouldnât have cried at all. After long moments of being assured by Madja, Azrie finally calmed down and left.
"Iâm sorry baby. Did I scare you?" Azriel mumbled, glancing down at his daughter who stared up at the sky with wide eyes. She only giggled back in answer.
The innocence in the sound made Azriel smile.
The smile faded just as quick as it had come when his eyes fell on his hands cradling her head and back.
They once were soft and smooth like Hazelâs. They once had grabbed his own parents hand with as much love as he now grasped his daughters. Only now, they were uglier.
If Y/n heard his thoughts, she would have yelled at him and forced him to say they were beautiful. But Azriel knew better. They werenât, and they never would be.
The only thing he liked even a little about his hands was the fact that their texture was so different from otherâs hands, Hazel always immediately figured out she was in her fatherâs arms.
Y/n always talked about how the same scarred hands he despised were the reason she and Hazel felt safe. Those words echoed back to Azriel when he began doubting himself. It always made him feel better.
Hazel squealed loudly when Azriel dipped lower, air pushing gently against her back.
She was so pure, so innocent. She did not even know of the cruel world she was born in.
And Azriel swore to keep it that way. He had hoped the world outside his fatherâs dungeon would be better, once, and quickly realised that there were people in the world that would pounce at the chance to scar innocent souls just for the sadistic pleasure of ruining their lives.
He did not want her soul to turn out as scarred as his too.
As he finally landed on the front porch of his home and heard loud meowâs coming from inside, he contemplated letting the cat stay.
Maybe a catâs claw scratch was not that bad.
°â˘Â°â˘Â°â˘âđââ˘Â°â˘Â°â˘Â°
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Officially getting into the spirit of @gwynrielweeksofficial with this commission of mine by @Jae.sketch . This is the entry for the warrior prompt. I wanted to get an art work that captures the competitive yet playful side of Gywn and Az ...
Hope you guys like this one as much as I do đ¤
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Characters by @Sarah J Maas
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a lil sneak peak of an upcoming commission for @azrielappreciationweek đđ¸đŚ
please do not repost!
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