#aziraphale say i forgive you again i dare you

[0-rai]

I swear to Satan if I see ONE MORE PREGNANT AZIRAPHEL-

[actual-changeling]

An angel and a demon walk into a bar.

It sounds like the beginning of a joke, one that would have annoyed Crowley greatly before- before. Maybe it would have been mildly amusing, were it not for the fact that it is a pub, not a bar (a mere technicality that somehow still mattered), and it is the first time in seven months that he is looking Aziraphale right in the face.

He chose the place, walked right out of the bookshop and across the street the second Aziraphale looked at him with his stupid purple eyes and opened his mouth. Same table, same drinks. New silence.

A demon leads an angel into a pub so he does not kiss him again.

Less of a joke, more like the beginning of a nightmare he has had every single time he tried to sleep, woken by whispered words either confirming his worst fears or greatest desires; both incite fear, one way or another.

The low table between them is enough of a barrier to prevent a repeat of their last interaction, it has to be, although this time Aziraphale is looking at him with violet-coloured longing and an apology on his lips, no longer pleading, no longer angry. He is asking for forgiveness, and if that isn't a deeply ironic twist of fate.

Before either of them says a single word, Crowley finishes his drink and raises his hand to order another one, clinging to the familiar sting of alcohol in his throat to burn away the questions lingering on his tongue.

An angel followed a demon into a pub because he loves him.

Aziraphale wishes he could tell himself Crowley looks like he did seven months ago, that he hasn't changed, but he is done lying to himself, to either of them. Behind his shades, dark, darker if that is even possible, he can feel his golden gaze heavy on his face, familiar and the answer to an empty longing in his chest.

His drink goes untouched as Crowley downs one, then another, and it is after the third that he finally begins to talk.

"What do you want?"

Bitter, sharp, spit at his feet with an anger he expected and yet doesn't know how to react to. Underneath it is pain—more pain than any being should ever have to experience—and instead of trying to carry some of it for him, he only added to it.

"I want to apologise."

"Fine." Crowley shoves his empty glass away and gets up. "I don't forgive you."

Reflexively, Aziraphale reaches out and curls his fingers around his wrist when Crowley tries to walk past him, blinking up at him with eyes the colour of dying Myosotis.

Forget-me-nots.

They both freeze, the point of contact a crack in the walls they have spent centuries building and seven months rebuilding, and he knows he has made a mistake immediately.

Crowley stares at him, still as stone, until he suddenly rips his arm out of his grasp, almost cradling it against his chest. With dawning horror, Aziraphale realises he is shaking, tremors running through him like waves breaking apart on a rocky shore.

"Don't you dare touch me." Panic, not anger. Pure, unfiltered panic blooming beside a mountain of fear that could outlast an eternity.

"I-" He doesn't know what he wants to say, what he is trying to say, what he needs to say to make him stay. Oh, the irony of it all.

Crowley leaves the pub, and the Supreme Archangel stays behind.

Not a demon anymore, not technically, he is done with sides, and deeds, and choices; he never makes the right ones anyway. His wrist hurts with the ghost of a kiss, and he cannot get the glint of purple where summer sky blue should be out of his head. 

The Bentley is waiting for him, providing an escape from the noise, the people, him.

Apologies instead of I'm coming back.

A sickening aura of holiness tinged with the burn of ozone instead of books and dust and soft, silly angel.

Seven months of waiting, of pleading with God, of cursing Her, cursing him, cursing the entire fucking world for taking and taking and taking from him without pause, without even a fragment of mercy.

For this.

An angel returns to heaven. Crowley curses the stars and cries.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt XI good omens season 1 finale I'M SORRY THIS IS LATE, I WAS READING FANFIC.

How is this a title I'm now forced to write. Yes, I know it's been a week since I finished episode 6 with you maggots. And today is the day we start season 2. However, I, the Official Good Omens Mascot, procrastinated writing part XI, because I was reading too much good omens fanfiction. Yesterday I do believe I was reading till 3 in the morning. Thanks guys.

Season 1 finale, or whatever I can figure out with my records of the watch along chat, at least. WAHOO.

[EDIT: I'm back at the intro after finishing this post, and I realised this is a very long summary, because most of it is me yelling at you guys. As I typed it I started reliving my rage of last week. Read on if you dare, yes the post is long, and yes the second half is in all caps. THIS TOOK EMOTION. YOU GUYS BETTER REBLOG IT INSTEAD OF LIKING IT SILENTLY WHILE LAUGHING AT MY PAIN. I WANT MY RAGE EVERYWHERE ON TUMBLR.]

Someone puts a message about how Crowley can no longer sense Aziraphale's presence, and again for some reason covers it with black. My reaction is of course horrified, and then everyone tells me to STOP CLICKING THE SPOILERS, ASMI.

So that's what that was. I realise this out loud, and everyone is ready to cry with exasperation. I explain to them very reasonably that while I don't read every message on the watch-along chat, every time there is a black message I assume it's important and I click on all of them to reveal the text.

Realising the spoiler function has backfired, as most things do with me, the chat sighs and everyone goes for a break. Then someone puts another blacked out message about the bookshop, and I react to that, leading to another blacked out message which simply says STOP CLICKING THE BLACK.

Oops, I already forgot. THE SPOILERS ARE JUST TOO CLICKY. CLICK CLICK CLICK. I HAVE TO CLICK ALL OF THEM.

Someone says I forgive you, Asmi. I reply with Don't bother, which leads to tears and threats to stab me. The chat maggots give up and we start episode 6.

There is a random flashforward. I don't understand what is happening, but then again, I never do.

Back at the airfield. Crowley walks in, recognises their hubby instantly, and takes charge sexily. Then the Bentley bursts into flames.

Crowley is heartbroken. No one comforts them. When I point this out (read, YELL IT AT THE CHAT IN DEVASTATION) someone tells me that this is how it always is.

APPARENTLY DAVID WAS TOLD TO THINK ABOUT THE TARDIS EXPLODING IN THAT MOMENT. I HATE THAT I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

Crowley needs all the therapy. Someone says kinder fanfic authors give it to him. LIES, I point out, FIRST THEY GIVE HIM EVEN MORE REASON FOR THERAPY. THEN GIVE HIM THERAPY.

Everyone is yelling about a fanfic called demonology while Adam the Antichrist feels so weird at Aziraphale being inside someone that's not Crowley that he separates them in the First Bigeneration style. Doctor Who is inspired.

Aziraphale like the babygirl he is, tries to girlboss his way through the situation by making Crowley murder the kid.

Pepper FUCKING STABS WAR IN THE NAME OF FEMINISM WITH THE SWORD OF EDEN AND THEN OTHER TWO KIDS END THE OTHER HORSEPERSONS IN THE NAME OF HOMECOOKED MEALS AND ECOFRIENDLINESS AND WHAT THE FUCK THESE KIDS ARE TWELVE WHAT PERCY JACKSON LEVEL OF BADASSERY-

Crowley and Aziraphale give a half-assed attempt at a father-son (gn) talk with the Antichrist as the world is ending. It is a terrible contribution to saving the world. The Antichrist thankfully has inherent common sense, because he wasn't raised by them.

Aziraphale tries to overshare his and Crowley's meetcute and has to be shushed by an embarrassed Crowley who is trying to keep them alive.

Satan is supposed to arrive. I mistakenly assume Gabriel is actually Satan. Which pleases a lot of people.

Gabriel and Beezlebub talk and blame Crowley and Aziraphale (who contributed exactly JACK SHIT to averting the apocalypse).

I kind of ship Gabriel and Beezlebub after seeing them interact for 30 seconds, which for some fucking reason leads to a lot of reactions and yelling. I want them to be together. Which leads to more yelling. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY CANON?

Satan arrives. Antichrist disowns him. Through the power of Manifestation, Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking, Adam is now no longer the Antichrist, Satan leaves, none of this happened and the BENTLEY AND BOOKSHOP ARE SAVED.

NO ONE IS FUCKING HUGGING CROWLEY. I'M GOING TO STAB A BITCH.

There is the bus stop scene Crowley asks Aziraphale to move in with him and they hold hands I DON'T FUCKING KNOW BY NOW THE CHAT HAS DESCENDED INTO CHAOS I'VE LOST MY BRAINCELLS.

ICE CREAM DATE AND SUDDEN INVASION AND I'M WATCHING THE ACTING AND I'M LIKE HANG ON A SECOND SOMETHING IS OFF AND I ASK SUDDENLY IF THEY SWITCHED.

THAT'S RIGHT, I ASK IF THEY SWITCHED. I KNEW THERE WAS A SWITCH AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MIDWAY THROUGH SEASON 2. BUT THE SIGNS ARE TOO MANY HERE. EVERYONE IS NOW YELLING AND PEOPLE KEEP IGNORING ME.

ALL THE ACTING IS FLIPPED I'M NOT BLIND YOU FUCKERS. AZIRAPHALE'S FACE IS DOING CROWLEY'S COULDNT-CARE-LESS EXPRESSION AND HE'S QUESTIONING HEAVEN AND CROWLEY'S TALKING HAS LESS CONSONANTS THAN USUAL AND NO CROWLEY SASS MORE AZIRAPHALE SASS IT'S THE SAME BACKGROUND AS THE NOSE-SCRUNCH SCENE AND SURELY THAT WAS AZIRAPHALE RIGHT.

EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO WAIT AND SEE. I KEEP YELLING THAT THEY MUST HAVE SWITCHED.

SOMEONE SAYS I'M EITHER A MADMAN OR A GENIUS. I TELL THEM I'M BOTH BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT DID THEY FUCKING SWITCH.

I'M NOW QUESTIONING MYSELF BECAUSE EVERYONE ISN'T LYING BUT THEY'RE MAKING ME QUESTION MY REALITY SO THE CLASSIC GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSSING.

I'M YELLING ABOUT HOW ONLY AZIRAPHALE WOULD BE POLITE ABOUT JACKETS AND SURVIVE HOLY WATER. EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT ME. I'M NOW 60% SURE I'M WRONG.

PEOPLE KEEP YELLING WAIT AND SEE AND TALKING ABOUT SADIE AND DOTTIE I HATE IT HERE.

CROWLEY IS IN HEAVEN THAT WAS HIS DISMISSIVE LOOK I'M NOW 90% SURE I'M RIGHT. I'M YELLING ABOUT IT.

ADAM LEAVES THE GARDEN IN A METAPHOR AND THEN AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY SWITCHED BACK. THEY SWITCHED BACK. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT. I AM LIVID. I AM YELLING.

IT'S VERY EMOTIONAL AND NIGHTINGALES AND THEY TOAST THE WORLD AND I'M VERY EMOTIONAL BUT I'M COPING BY THREATENING MURDER BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING RIGHT.

THE END.

SEE YOU GUYS TODAY AT SEASON 2 I GUESS GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

[galaxgay]

This is kind of a big mess but its been in my drafts for weeks and i dont wanna edit it:

If "Do it again" is in fact what Aziraphale was thinking, that means "I forgive you" has a new context and heres what I think it means:

Aziraphale knows if they kissed again, he would stay. He would leave this opportunity to make heaven what he believes it could be. For their precious earth and for "Us".

Honestly i could argue that Aziraphale wants Crowley so desperately in that moment, that he believes only demonic temptation could make him want like that. In his traumatized brain-washed point of view, Crowley was tempting him from Heaven. One of Aziraphale's biggest fears. Surely, Crowley knows how much of a soft spot Aziraphale has for him and he's using it against him. He should know how important this is to Aziraphale.

Crowley has finally made the move Aziraphale has pined for for centuries, and the center of that kiss is Crowley desperately pleading with Aziraphale to stay. Not the shining dazzling lovesick confession he's always dreamed of. In a way, it is a temptation.

From Aziraphale's perspective, he's trying to do this for Crowley and Crowley is trying to tempt him? Telling him to stay? How could Crowley do this to him- make him crave something so achingly. Now of all times. This is important to Aziraphale- It is for the earth they both cherish so deeply, It is for Crowley, it is for "Us". Yes, he is yearning unlike ever before for more but he can't pass up this opportunity.

Aziraphale believes Crowley was tempting him. That "I forgive you" was so vicious sounding because it says "How dare you finally make your move now, when I have been handed the opportunity of a lifetime. How dare you use my softness for you to get me to stay- to turn down my chance to make this world better for us. I am helpless when it comes to you- how dare you tempt me with that."

[cornchrunchie]

Okay, at this point, I'm not even sure what to think of my own theories anymore and if this makes any sense AT ALL but WHAT IF

What if Aziraphale not only was very aware of how much the words “I forgive you” after the kiss would hurt Crowley but WANTED his words to hurt Crowley – to make it easier for both of them to leave.

Let me elaborate. Gifs inclusive!

I was just listening to the song “Hot Mess” by dodie and one part of the chorus especially struck me:

Make it ugly, put on a show Hack it that I hate you so that I can let go

Essentially, it’s about how the narrative voice of the song is trying to hate their partner in order to let them go. The idea behind this is that if the breakup is worse than it needs to be – i.e. if one person is being tricked into hating the other person – it’s easier for them to stop loving them.

What if Aziraphale is doing this to his relationship with Crowley?

We know (thanks to Rob Wilkins) that, after the kiss, Aziraphale is trying to comprehend what's happening and that he wants Crowley to do it again.

But he doesn't say any of that.

In this 10-second-long eternity after the kiss, Aziraphale is clearly struggling for words. He is not even looking at Crowley but focused on an undefined point in front of him as if he can't bear to meet his gaze just yet. He is completely overwhelmed.

When he dares to look up, he takes one deep breath. Of course, we can only speculate what is going through his mind. For the sake of this meta, I'm going to propose the theory that at this moment, Aziraphale realizes how hopeless their situation actually is.

Their love for each other is undeniable. Both of them said that they wanted to be together, even if they used different words to describe their desire. But while Crowley wants to fight their battle against Armageddon from the outside, Aziraphale wants to change Heaven's system from the inside. And behind these approaches lie such deep-rooted beliefs about, well, everything, that they pose an obstacle they can't overcome. Not yet. Not through running off together. Not even if their love is 6000 years deep. It's the epitome of tragedy, really.

Aziraphale knows this. He knows that in this situation, this will only hurt more the further they go. So he takes a deep breath. And he decides to do the excruciating thing neither of them wants to do but that needs to be done:

He ends it.

Aziraphale knows about the harmfulness of his words – these specific words of all the things he could have said or done. Even as he is saying them, he looks as if it physically hurts him to do so. His eyes seem to be full of pain, maybe even regret. But how else will he convince Crowley to do what he can't, how else will he make him let go?

When Crowley leaves, Aziraphale doesn't attempt to stop him again. No matter how plainly this breaks his heart, no matter how he's barely holding himself together. He lets him go.

In German, there is a saying that could literally be translated to: It's better to have an end with terror than to have terror without an end (Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende). I think it fits this particular reading of the scene quite well. In Aziraphale's mind, their relationship would result in such agony that they would hurt even more. By ending their relationship before it has even begun, he is trying to protect both of them – making the pain great but definite instead of ongoing.

Does that sound plausible to anyone?

I myself am still quite unsure how to feel about this interpretation of Aziraphale's reaction, so I would love to hear some thoughts on it! <3

[kill-the-hand-of-shakespeare]

“Unknown”

8

———————

The rope finally snapped.

Aziraphale watched as Crowley felt his heart fall out of his chest and straight down to hell. He bared his teeth, and snapped his head towards the Angel, balling his hands into fists as he stood.

“What do you want, Aziraphale?! Spit it out! If you’ve come here to tell me I made a mistake, you don’t get to decide that for me!” He yelled, pointing a finger at Aziraphale, who threw up his hands in defence. No, no he’d lost him. He could see the hurt and anger in every aspect of Crowley’s being.

The Angel shook his head violently, and stood up, watching as Crowley took a step backward- running away. He was running away again and Aziraphale didn’t know if he could stop him this time.

“No! Wait - Crowley, please that is the farthest thing from what I’m trying to say! I- oh good Lord!” Aziraphale tried, watching the demon shake his head.

“No. No, Aziraphale. You don’t get to do this. Not again! Do you know what you did to me?! I have been ruined for months over you! I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to forget you! How the hell to get all of this-” Crowley gestured at him, the book shop and himself, “Out of my head and away from me- but I can’t, Aziraphale. You are ingrained in me and I fucking hate it! I can’t escape you!” He seethed, and the silence that followed was eerily quiet.

Aziraphale felt this throat tighten. Felt that fear creep back up. Forget him? Crowley wanted to get rid of him? He said he hated how tied together they were...

Aziraphale tasted the salt on his tongue as he opened his mouth to pull in a shaky breath before he realized he was crying. He watched Crowley’s heated gaze cool ever so slightly before he turned his face away to wipe the tears.

He looked out the window. It had started to rain in London, as it always did. But somehow he felt that Crowley had something to do with the quiet thunder that rolled in with the blanket of grey clouds that now hid the sun from view.

The clock ticked behind Crowley. They had been here before, yelling at each other in this very spot. Aziraphale stifled the sob that rose from his chest, but it came anyway. He took a shaky breath and nodded.

“I did.” The Angel whispered weakly, “I did see what I caused. I heard you- cursing God. Screaming at Her. I saw you in the bars and here- I saw how I hurt you, how I caused you so much pain-“ he shook his head, voice becoming strained.

He never looked for long. He didn’t want to intrude on Crowley’s privacy, but he wanted to see him when the old recordings weren’t enough. When he’d heard Crowley curse God, Aziraphale knew it was really him Crowley was so angry with. He heard the demon sigh and shift, trying to calm himself down, but thunder rolled heavy outside, and shook the window panes of the bookshop.

“I don’t forgive you, Crowley.” Aziraphale said again, turning to face him again, wiping the tears, even when they kept falling, “Because there was nothing ever to forgive.” He whispered, and watched the furrow in Crowley’s brow smooth from anger to guilt, and he had to look away again.

How dare he make Crowley feel so many negative emotions. How dare he hurt him, and then beg for mercy. He hiccuped a soft sob and looked away again, hands wiping away the tears sloppily, but they only fell faster.

“You have every right to want to forget me- you may be right. Maybe... Maybe it would be best, even. I’ve hurt you, Crowley. I know that. And I can’t explain how sorry I am. How much I missed you.”

Aziraphale didn’t try to stifle the sobs, he spoke through them, “How much I just wanted... You. Wanted to be around you, to talk with you. I sat and thought up every scenario until there were none left.” He cried, wiping the tears from his stupid beard that he’d grown to look more authoritative. Supreme ArchAngel his buttocks.

“But that- that feeling. The emptiness? The ache in my chest and stomach... Feeling like I couldn’t take a breath correctly, it never went away...” he weeped, hugging himself, he shook his head.

This was wrong. He was wrong. He was just hurting Crowley more. That’s all he ever did- was hurt him.

“I just wanted you to do it again- to kiss me again. To sit around with me, or call me on the phone- I just wanted us again and I was stupid for thinking I could keep you safe by giving that up!” Aziraphale said as he turned to look at Crowley, and saw the same hot tears now on the demons face.

And he looked... Devastated. It made Aziraphale hug himself tighter, a gasping breath pulled into his lungs. “I’m so sorry, Crowley. I never, never wanted to hurt you. Especially you, out of anyone. Not my only friend, and the person I...” he paused. The clock ticked in the silence - neither one of them were really breathing.

“The person I love most.” He said quietly, and watched Crowley’s face twist in pain.

———————

I left you on a cliffhanger and for that, I apologize, but I had to say goodbye to a family member at the beginning of January, and had a hard time focusing on anything, really. But I think I’m back, and have finished up the last few chapters, and after GOAD smut war, ending on the 14th (I think?) I’ll post this on Ao3 and edit it a bit more. For now, enjoy ❤️

< Previous

[shatteredwriters]

Been thinking a lot about “I love you, but” / “I love you, and”. About the ways they both show up in the confession scene, in the things Aziraphale and Crowley are saying…

It’s

“I love you but tell me you said no”

“I love you and we can be together”

“I love you but there’s no nightingales”

“I love you and you’ll be an Angel again”

“I love you but we’re better than that”

“I love you and I forgive you”

but it’s also

“I love you and we can be us”

“I love you but I can change things”

“I love you and you can’t leave this bookshop”

“I love you but you’re the bad guys”

“I love you and we’re on our side”

“I love you but you don’t know what I’m offering you”

The scene is littered with love, jagged shards of broken hopes and misunderstandings, 6000 years of hidden feelings, words never dared spoken and then uttered too late.

I love you and you’re losing me.

I love you but you’re losing me.

I love you and I always will.

I love you…but I always will.

[whocaresaboutdecent]

Written for the Ineffable Prompt-A-Thon by @ineffablyruined Week 4: Closed Door

Locked Out

Rated: General Audiences | Angst | Read on Ao3

After Armageddon't, Crowley feels they’re lingering on the threshold of something. Something complicated, something impossible to name, but something that has a pull too strong to ignore. Yet, there’s still this door standing between them, this door Crowley has been hovering near for … someone knows how many years. It’s a weathered, wooden door, once secured with locks that have slowly, one by one, given way over the past millennia.

The keys to unlocking them had been found in shared moments—the playful bickering over coin tosses, crêpes in Paris, a satchel of books passing between their hands, late lunches turning into wine-heavy conversations that stretched deep into the night.

And if Crowley, in his longing to bask in Aziraphale’s company, occasionally forgot to secure those locks again after their meetings—well, that wasn’t entirely his responsibility, was it?

Now, the pull from behind the door is stronger than ever. When Crowley presses his hands flat against the worn wood, an intense feeling of warmth and belonging tingles his palms. He’s no stranger to crossing lines, but even now, with all that promise just beyond, he can’t bring himself to step over the threshold, too aware of the devastating consequences a careless step beyond a boundary can have.

Instead, all Crowley dares to do is inch the door open, just a crack, offering a silent invitation, hoping for Aziraphale to accept it. Crowley is too afraid to swing the door wide open, limiting himself to reassure Aziraphale that it isn’t locked from his side – it never has been, and it never will be. He lingers there, hand resting on the doorframe, waiting for any sign that Aziraphale might be ready to step through. 

But the angel doesn’t even dare to look at what might lie beyond.

“I'll give you a lift, anywhere you want to go.”

“You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

Bang. 

Crowley yanks his hand back just in time before his fingers are jammed between the door and the frame as Aziraphale shuts the door in his face, clearly overwhelmed by what he had glimpsed behind it.

“We can go off together.”

“I don’t even like you.”

Bang.

Each time Aziraphale dares to peek through after the failed apocalypse, however, the door seems to close a little softer and more reluctantly on Crowley.

“You can stay at my place, if you like.”

“I don't think my side would like that.”

Thunk.

“I could hunker down in your place, slither over and watch you eat cake.”

“I'm afraid that would be breaking all the rules.”

A very, very reluctant click.

Yet, there are moments when Crowley feels like he's the only one standing there, staring at that door, desperate to know what's behind it, while Aziraphale remains safe on his own side.

Until, one day, the door stays ajar, until it is Aziraphale who even opens it a little wider – our car, we both get plenty of use out of it, maybe you can tell me while we dance. Crowley can almost see the Welcome-doormat rolled out just for him.

They are on the verge of stepping through, so close to finally, finally taking that leap, when Aziraphale turns away again and nothing Crowley says can lure him through.

“I would like to spend …”

“Then there’s nothing more to say.”

The door swings shut with finality, keys turning in locks that haven’t been touched in years. Crowley stands there, disbelieving, unable to take it once again.

Crash.

He is through the door before he even realises it, wood splinters as he bursts through. There are no words this time, only desperate lips and trembling fingers gripping Aziraphale by the lapels. Crowley holds on tight, trying to pull Aziraphale through, pleading without speaking. Don’t let me rush through this door alone, not after everything, please angel, don’t …

But Aziraphale holds his ground, pushing Crowley back over the threshold, resolutely staying on his own side.

“I forgive you.”

The shattered door disappears, replaced by cold, unyielding elevator doors. The hydraulic hiss as they slide shut between them echoes in Crowley’s ears, and he stares at his own distorted reflection in the metal surface, helpless. This is a door he cannot force open, no matter how hard he tries. This something he has hoped for slips away, leaving him on the wrong side of the door. 

Alone.

[weird-little-book-lover]

The Moment A Demon Became A Human

It’s not supposed to be like this.

Throughout season one and 90% of season two, Good Omens is a wonderfully fanciful, intelligent, story of the battle of good and evil.

Collectively, our favorite character tends to be the unnamed character: the energy between Aziraphale and Crowley.

This is why you always see cosplay with both characters and never just one.

The actual cosplay is the energy between the two.

Good Omens is a show that allows us to escape into a universe that reflects back the beauty of humanity in all its imperfections. A show that says:

“Heaven and Hell be damned, it’s humanity that creates the meaning of life.”

A show that reminds us what it means to love someone because you so deeply understand them.

Everything changed in an instant in season two’s final episode. (oi, spoilers ahead).

I wasn’t ready. The switch was so fast.

He’d been a demon with a heart of gold and a sharp wit for four years. Longer, if we’re talking about the book.

For me, the joy of Crowley has been that he really sees everyone for who they truly are and, despite being a demon, he accepts each person as such. No judgment, just acknowledgment and dry humor.

And then he realized.

He’d been pushing it down. Ignoring it. Though I suspect he was more aware than Aziraphale, Crowley had a sense it was there, but he was managing it.

Throughout season one we see Crowley have moments of softening to help Aziraphale process change and loss. To help when Aziraphale’s angelic view of the world becomes cracked by outside forces (and the ever-present threat of Armageddon).

At the end of season two, a pair of mere morals break Crowley’s defenses by naming what he has never dared to: He loves Aziraphale more than anything else in the known universe.

He never smiles again.

His almost cartoonish face has transformed. He looks at Aziraphale without his eyes darting about. Without his bored fidgets. Without his annoyed skulking. Without his eyebrows arched dramatically.

In 30 seconds of screen time, he has become human.

His face is calm. It is real. And it is hurting. He has to try. He’ll likely fail, but that’s never stopped him before. For us watching, it is haunting.

Crowley takes a leap of faith.

Have you ever deeply loved someone and had to take that leap of faith where you let go of all your fears and hope to God the other person catches you? It’s such a core part of the human experience, and yet 9 times out of 10 it is a leap that ends in a fall.

This is what Crowley does. He takes the leap. He confesses, voice cracking, everything in him breaking, that all he wants, all he needs, is Aziraphale.

Yet all Aziraphale can see is that he only has value if Heaven accepts him.

A Hail Mary.

As Aziraphale argues they’ll be happy together in Heaven, and Crowley tries to explain why they can’t exist inside a system not built for them, Crowley is overtaken by emotion and tries one last Hail Mary.

He rushes to Aziraphale and pulls him in for a kiss that is symbolic of everything Crowley is offering. All the love, passion, and commitment to always be there for Aziraphale.

Always. All ways.

Aziraphale rejects this gift with the quiet response “I forgive you.”

While everyone else is talking about the kiss, it’s the moment after when Crowley sighs that hit me.

It's the sigh for me.

It’s a sigh of resignation.

He’s buried this for so long, and now he must bury it once more.

Crowley can see Aziraphale loves him back, surely he can feel it, but he’s always seen the world and creatures in it very clearly. Aziraphale, much like Nina, is still struggling with a toxic relationship. There is no room for Crowley. And this time, Crowley can’t help him. Aziraphale must rescue himself, or resign them both to a loveless existence.

Aziraphale makes a very human mistake. Crowley reaches a very human depth.

It’s not supposed to be like this. A fanciful show just killed our favorite character.

And it did so by becoming human, first.

[aziraphalesdiaries]

31 st. January 2024

Dear diary.

It has been a while now, since I departed to Heaven.

Since I left earth.

Since I left my bookshop.

Since I... left Crowley.

Crowley... He was so angry, when I offered him to come with me to Heaven. To be an angel again. To be my second in command. I was confused first, wondering, what was wrong with him. Why wasn't he happy? But I was confused by the entire situation. His words.. they didn't make any sense.

He ... confessed that we'd been a team for at least 6000 years, denying that we are. Then, he brought up the idea of running away again. But this time, he seemed so... desperate. He seid, that we 'could have been...us'.

Before I could get any of my thoughts together, he stepped towards me, grabbed me by the coat and ... kissed me.

Good heavens, I can't describe the feeling, can't describe what happened to me.

All these years of disguise, of performing a charade ... a charade of not liking that nasty, courageous and caring, brave, sneaky, charming, dashing, daring bastard... all this collapsed over me like a gigantic house of cards.

I didn't even have the chance to sort out the pieces, when he suddenly pulled away. His eyes, these wonderful yellow eyes, glared at me, awaiting what I had to say. And me? I stuttered, stumbled over my tongue and could onlz think of the sentence, I always said after we had a fight. The sentence that always made everything well again.

'I forgive you!'

Not this time.

I could see his eyes shadow, something broke within them.

'Don't bother!'

He went pale, turned on a heel and stormed out of the bookshop.

I stood there like back in Jericho again, when the walls came tumbling down. Or those poor humans of Sodom who were turned into pillars of salt.

My trembling hand touched my mouth... where his sweet lips had been moments ago. It already felt like eternity.

Before I could calm my thoughts and blink away my tears, The Metatron entered and urged me to leave.

It must have been a reflex. An escape reflex.

The next thing I remembered, was crossing the street at The Metatron's side, stepping towards the lift. Where he told me, what the ineffable plan really was.

The Second Coming.

All colour drained from my face. They're trying it again. And this time, it was, as Crowley had said 'The Big Thing'.

I was wrong.

He was right.

He'd been right all along.

I turned to my bookshop, where Muriel was about to close the door. But my eyes were on Crowley. My dear Crowley, as he stood next to the Bentley, waiting for me to turn away and run to him.

I could feel my heart breaking.

Because I didn't.

I had been tricked.

But if I wanted to save Humankind, if I wanted to save Crowley, my dear beloved Crowley, I had to go to Heaven. I had to be in charge and make a difference. It was the only way.

Heaven would never change.

So it had to be stopped from the inside.

I need some time to get used to my new title. Supreme Archangel Aziraphale is way too complicated, but Heaven insisted on that. So I go along with it as long as I can.

The first days and weeks were just a blurr, since there were so many things to be done. Michael and Uriel hadn't been very helpful. The Metatron kept a very close eye on me, but since I hadn't brought Crowley, his suspicion faded day by day.

I tried to feel at home, at least a bit, but every day without earth, the streets of London, Nina and Maggie and food and coffee and my 4 o' clock tea and - all over that- Crowley, was just bitter and empty. It drained all laughter from my face, made it a cold and stony mask.

I start to understand Gabriel, why he was, like he was. I even feel pity for him.

So I spend my days existing, listening to the orders given from above and give them to others

But today I miracled a small book, a pen and I allowed myself some time to process all those things that happened.

I have to be very cautious, listing all that happens up here in Heaven so that dear Crowley will know properly to make the right preparations.

Because I won't let them down.

Not after I gave away my flaming sword .

I won't let him down. Not again.

Sincerely yours

A. Z. Fell

[vileviale]

A Breakdown of Aziraphale’s “I Forgive You” : Some Possible Explanations

What did the “I forgive you” mean? On first watch, it confused and angered me, but now that I’ve had some time to think about it and read other’s takes I think I have a good idea on what Aziraphale meant.

There are a few theories going around, and only a couple I’ve seen that I disagree with, such as Azi forgiving Crowley for being a demon. Sure, Azi wishes Crowley was an angel, but I don’t think that’s what he meant at that moment. Looking at his facial expressions, it’s obvious that he was feeling bitter instead of merciful. And that’s when we usually see Azi forgive others: when he’s hurt but still does his best to be angelic and retain his morals. That’s why I also don’t think Azi was saying “I love you” in that moment either; he does love Crowley, but again he was suppressing a lot of anger so his emotions don’t line up with that theorized thought. What I really think Azi was forgiving Crowley for is three things: turning down his offer to go to Heaven, tempting him with a kiss, and calling Azi an idiot. 

Aziraphale thought he had made the perfect plan: Crowley could get a second chance, they could be together without Heaven and Hell on their tails, and they could help fix the world. Which would be acceptable now! The show implies that Crowley got in trouble for making suggestions on what God should do, but if he was made into an archangel (maybe for the second time? But that’s another theory for another day), he could do basically whatever he wanted. Aziraphale doesn’t understand how toxic Heaven is like Crowley does. Crowley’s fallen from Heaven and he’s seen how the archangels treated Azi when they swapped bodies (remember the “shut your stupid mouth and die already”?). Crowley can’t go back. He will never be an angel. Azi hardly understands this because Crowley has kept him in the dark. Which is understandable, but as you can see has brought up a lot of issues.

Aziraphale is also afraid of being with Crowley but simultaneously wants it more than anything. There’s been this conflict inside of him for centuries between what Heaven wants and what he wants. Executing this plan would bring so much relief for Azi because their love would finally be acceptable in Heaven’s eyes. This would be the perfect happy ending. This is his love confession! What screams love more than “I want to be with you forever. I want to give you a second chance because I see the good in you, even if you don’t. I want everyone to see you as I do. I want you to smile again like you did all those years ago.”?

But that’s all thrown away when Crowley says no. And from Azi’s point of view, Crowley is unnecessarily double-downing on his hate for Heaven. Crowley would throw away their entire relationship just because he has some beef with them? Is he really being that petty and demonic? So, Azi forgives him for ending their relationship like this, because he thinks he has a better idea of what’s best for them. His forgiveness basically boils down to “Fuck, off, I’m right, how dare you leave me on my own.”

The second reason Aziraphale forgave Crowley is because he knew the kiss was a temptation. And, essentially, it was. Crowley at that point would do anything to get his angel to stay, and he knows how much Aziraphale loves earthly pleasures. Remember in season 1 where Crowley convinces Aziraphale to try to stop Armageddon by reminding him of all the things he loves about Earth? His books, tea, food, music, etc. And don’t forget that ox rib scene. If Aziraphale reacted like THAT to an ox rib, then how much more wild is he going to react to a kiss? So sure, Crowley knew what he was doing, but his intentions weren’t as malicious as Aziraphale thought they were. Crowley meant to say “I love you and I can’t bear to see you go. Fuck it if kissing you is what’s going to make you stay then I’ll do it, no matter how much vulnerability I show.” But from Azi’s perspective, Crowley is using his demonic tendencies to manipulate Aziraphale in this “gotcha, I know you can’t leave now” kind of way. So, Aziraphale feels betrayed- just like how Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss- and forgives Crowley for that too. Later on we can see how that kiss finally sets in when Azi touches his lips- but he still knows he has a duty to protect Earth and stick to his plan.

Finally, this point is pretty short, but Crowley called Aziraphale an idiot, and Azi forgave Crowley for that insult.

There is a lot to unpack in Azi’s forgiveness. There’s no guarantee Aziraphale meant any of these things when he forgave Crowley, but from what we can gather we can make some pretty strong assumptions on what he meant. Also, as a quick bonus, the “don’t bother” from Crowley means that he isn’t sorry for his feelings, because that’s what he thinks Aziraphale is saying: that he forgives Crowley for loving him. Also, Crowley thinks he’s unforgivable anyway, so Aziraphale shouldn’t bother with it.

Anyways, I know that was long, and I haven’t nearly said all I wanted to about The Final Fifteen in general, but that’s going to be it for today. If y’all like my takes then let me know and I’ll post some more breakdowns of Good Omens!

[0-rai]

Rolling in the deep is definitely Crowley's break up song, change my mind.

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner - although today it is less unhinged and more of a watertight analysis.

What I am about to present you is something most people have probably already noticed, but it has been three months and I still lose my mind while going through the final fifteen frame by frame (which is a normal thing normal people like us do, right? right).

You literally cannot convince me my following meta is wrong, and the only person whose criticism I will accept on this post is Michael Sheen and Michael Sheen ONLY. If you're not Michael Sheen (hi Michael Sheen who probably has a secret tumblr account) then your guess is as good as mine, though again, I think mine is solid.

So.

We all love and hate Aziraphale's "I forgive you", but what I find even more painful is the fact that before that he almost said "I love you". Then he stops himself and changes it, and the amount of micro-expressions on his face as he makes that decision is my current cause of death.

Here's the clip as evidence #1, and while it can definitely support itself, let's dive into the pain a little more, shall we?

One important thing I noticed is that Aziraphale doesn't look at Crowley while he stutters his way through his initial reaction. He blinks up at him for a few frames before averting his eyes again and only holds eye contact after the almost-confession (from here on referred to as IL-).

This is Aziraphale holding eye contact with Crowley (left) vs. him looking away (right):

The frame on the left is from the I forgive you (IFY) part of the scene, the other one from right before IL-. If we go through the above clip little by little we will find that he avoids Crowley's face the entire time and his gaze slips further and further down, which I interpret as him overthinking/trying to come up with something to respond to this entire situation.

He is overwhelmed and surprised, caught between his two main desires: Crowley and being a Good Angel.

Combing through the frames, we can actually nail down exactly when Aziraphale first makes eye contact before the IL- and when he stops. Keep the above comparison in mind! The angle is slightly different because his chin is lower and he straightens up throughout the scene.

So! This is where he starts looking at Crowley:

And this is where he stops:

Hard to see? Let's zoom in on his eyes (numbers are the file names):

Now, you might ask me "Alex, this is all fine, although a bit insane, but why is any of this important?"

Because, fellow tumblr user and good omens enthusiast, I think that looking at Crowley is what changes his mind about what to say.

He doesn't look at him -> about to confess his feelings.

He looks at him -> says the absolutely worst possible thing.

Partly to hurt him because they're both lashing out at each other during this argument, but he looks at Crowley, looks at the person that just kissed him, that told him they could have been an us, that wants him and has always wanted him, screw everyone else.

He looks at Crowley and he wants to say l love you but then what? Once he says those words, he can't leave. He just can't.

We have to remember that they have existed within a complicated dance, a game that they have been playing for centuries without ever telling each other what that game actually is, what the rules are - because they couldn't. It was based entirely on trust and knowing the other person well enough to play it safe.

Crowley just flipped the playing board. Nothing is the way it should be, he is refusing to do their dance, refusing to play. He is looking at him and daring him to stop trying to put the pieces back on the board. The only thing neither of them has done yet is actually say I love you out loud.

Saying those words would mean stepping away from the playing board and acknowledging the room they have been playing in. It would mean saying fuck you to heaven, yes, but it would also force Aziraphale to finally define himself outside of the role he has been playing for both Crowley and heaven, and he isn't ready for that yet.

Additionally, there is the fear and/or knowledge (depending on what else the Metatron might have said or done that we did not see) that heaven will retaliate against him and Crowley if he disobeys them now, and he does not want to risk that either.

All that is what, in my opinion, happens in his head when he averts his eyes and interrupts himself. I do kinda what to make a whole different post about his facial expressions leading up to the IFY, so I will end this one with one more bit of pain.

Ready?

Firstly, the face he makes when he makes his decision.

Look at the tight line of his lips, the pain etched into his face, the pure pain in his eyes.

This is the face of someone who knows exactly how badly he is going to hurt Crowley and himself. This is an apology, an I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, this hurts me as much as it hurts you. I'm sorry but I have to.

And then he winces afterwards. I don't know about you, but this is exactly the kind of face I make when I'm emotionally torturing myself with my own thoughts. For the final blow, please look at the picture very, very closely, especially the last frame, because Aziraphale isn't just sorry and he isn't just in pain.

Aziraphale is scared because he knows* that he might lose Crowley over this. He knows that saying I forgive you is (almost) unforgivable. He KNOWS.

He does it anyway because he will lose Crowley either way but he'd rather have him alive and hating him than dead.

With that I am concluding today's unhinged meta corner, thank you for your attention and you're welcome for the pain.

Also: If you want to call me a 'tin hatter' or insane or otherwise make fun of me - this is very much a girl, what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament moment because you read my meta post all the way to the end. <3

-

*authors note: what Aziraphale thinks he knows and what is actually real is not the same thing but that's a different post

[flameraven]

Pride and Prejudice

Y'all.

Y'ALL! My friend pointed this out and now I can't unsee it. It's Pride and Prejudice. S2 is just Pride and Prejudice. Aziraphale is Darcy. He confesses his feelings by telling Elizabeth "I love you, despite the fact that your family is terrible and you're totally beneath me, but I'm willing to overlook that and elevate you to my position and we can live together in this perfect fantasy world (that I control.)" Crowley is Elizabeth. Who rightfully responds to Darcy's confession by saying "WOW, you are such an arrogant asshole, really?? You think you know everything and you're that much better than me, but you'll deign to marry me anyway?? Get out of here." BUT. BUT. THEY ARE BOTH WRONG and are blinded by their existing prejudices. Darcy goes back and he acknowledges Elizabeth's points, and he corrects his mistakes. He realizes he was being an arrogant asshole, he makes amends, and then he comes back and apologizes and says "I still love you, will you still have me?" And Elizabeth realizes that she was wrong too, Darcy WAS arrogant but he does genuinely care, and she was letting her preconceptions of him blind her to his true intentions. And she apologizes too, and they get their happy ending. That is the plot. That is S2. Aziraphale makes his confession and he tells Crowley, I love you and I need you (despite you being a demon and inherently less than me), but come with me and I'll restore you to being an angel, we can be happy together in literal Heaven. I was so, so angry at Aziraphale when he pulls the "I forgive you" line after the kiss-- it's such a condescending thing to say. Crowley has made himself open and vulnerable in a way we've never seen before, but he's also telling Aziraphale no, he won't go to Heaven, and Aziraphale responds with "I forgive you" (for being a demon who just isn't Good enough to understand my perfect vision). And Crowley is (rightfully) pissed off at Aziraphale's arrogance here, as well as angry that Aziraphale has misjudged him so badly. He doesn't want to be in Heaven. He just wants to be together, and how dare Aziraphale think he can only be good enough if he's an angel again?? But we're still only in Act 2. They have Act 3 to figure it out, and to realize they misjudged each other, and to forgive each other. And the next time, instead of one or the other doing the silly Apology Dance, they'll both do it. And get their happy ending.

[anniepb05]

Part 6

Aziraphale opens his eyes, scared. But all he sees is Light. White. Emptiness.

He looks around him, searching for Crowley, but the demon isn't there. "Crowley?", he calls. But there's no response, which makes the angel panic. "Crowley! It's me! Where are you?"

"He won't answer. He's not here", says a feminine voice behind him. Aziraphale turns around, but there's no one in sight.

"Who are you?", he asks, afraid. "Where's Crowley? What did you do to him?"

The voice chuckles, as if all this was a joke. "You were the one to call me, Supreme Archangel. And don't worry about your demon; Crawley is doing well."

"Crowley." The correction comes out of his lips without second thoughts. He immediately regrets it; correcting God isn't a clever thing to do, especially when you're about to ask Her for a favour. "I- I'm sorry, your Highness. It's just that-"

"I know. You want me to forgive humanity. But I cannot do that, Aziraphale."

"WHAT?" The angel's head is spinning in confusion. "But- why?"

"You dare to ask questions?" She chuckles again. Aziraphale is getting more and more stressed. She's so egocentric and egoist, not kind or gentle. How could he have been so blind and believe in Her that much?

"With all due respect, your Highness: you're making a mistake. Humanity doesn't deserve this." He stays silent for a few seconds and then adds: "And, please, let Crowley be here. You owe him answers."

->Part 1

Aziraphale woke up and chose the audacity (I love him).

->Next

[wrenzfic]

I suppose since this blog is called "wrenzfic" I ought to actually post some fic.

A little post-s2 reunion idea with smooches:

.....................

They stood for a moment just staring at each other. Aziraphale shifted, uncomfortably aware of his Heavenly pale grey morning coat, stiff and unfamiliar compared to Crowley’s black-clad, loose-limbed self. He looked as beautiful as always. Sinuous and just faintly ridiculous. A fond smile twitched at Aziraphale’s lips briefly before he shoved it down as a bad idea. No matter how familiar they had once been, Crowley was now looking at him with a grim expression that Aziraphale wasn’t sure he had ever seen on his friend’s face.

The angel cleared his throat and nervously fingered his cuffs. “Um. Yes. Hello.”

Crowley stalked towards him, his face still in that ominous expression. 

“I -” Aziraphale wasn’t sure how to start. He had assumed Muriel would keep Crowley up to date with the goings on in Heaven. Had hoped that by the time they saw each other again he would understand at least a little of why he had had to leave.

Crowley paused barely a step away. Aziraphale held his breath to be so close to him again, not daring to move, his lips tingling with remembered sensation from the last time they had been this close.

Suddenly he was enveloped in Crowley’s arms, wiry and strong around his shoulders, his own coming up to Crowley’s back without a thought, squeezing him closer.

“Never. Do that. Again.” Crowley said firmly from where his face pressed against Aziraphale’s neck.

“I rather think Heaven will not be looking to invite me back any time soon,” Aziraphale said lightly.

Crowley only gave him a squeeze. “Don’t leave me.”

Aziraphale clutched helplessly at Crowley’s jacket. “Oh, dearest. I never wanted to leave you. I never want to be apart from you. You understand don’t you? I was trying to keep you safe. Keep us all safe.”

“I know.” Slowly Crowley released his hold, just enough that they could face each other. Aziraphale politely ignored the wetness just visible at the edge of his sunglasses, while Crowley gently swiped a thumb across Aziraphale’s cheek, catching the droplet there. “Our side has never been the two of us has it?”

Aziraphale sniffed and shook his head.

“Humanity,” Crowley said with feeling. “The universe. This Creation we have.” He looked at the sky with a deep breath. “It’s part of our side too.”

“I couldn’t just leave.” Aziraphale pleaded, hoping Crowley would understand. “I couldn’t. I’m s-”

“If you say ‘sorry’, angel I’ll never forgive you,” Crowley said, meeting his eyes, with a gentle smile. “Because then I’ll have to apologise too and I’m not doing that dance ever again.”

A giggle burbled up from Aziraphale’s throat sounding more like a hiccup or a sob. He settled his head on Crowley’s chest, letting Crowley rest his chin on his head.

“You’ve made a good start,” Crowley said quietly, “but we’ve got a ways to go if we’re going to save our side from the other two.”

“I know,” Aziraphale said, glad Crowley could not see his face as he felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. “There is one other thing first. If you’re amenable.”

“Anything, angel.”

“Well…last time…before…well…you kissed me.” He felt Crowley stiffen and gave him a squeeze, desperately hoping he was not about to tear them apart again. “I was wondering whether you might want to…do it again. Though a little gentler might be in order this time.”

There was a pause long enough that eventually Aziraphale had to see his face, had to see if he could tell the thoughts percolating behind those glasses.

“You want me to kiss you?” Crowley said hesitantly.

His cheeks were definitely red now. “Or I suppose I could kiss you,” Aziraphale offered. “It’s just…I have been thinking about it rather a lot. Have hardly been able to stop thinking about it in fact. Thinking about you…”

Crowley’s hand drifted to his jaw and he leaned into it. “You’re sure?”

“Oh Crowley of course I’m sure you dolt!” 

Aziraphale lurched forward, closing the already narrow gap between them. At first the kiss was almost as brutal as the first, until slowly they both relaxed, Crowley cupping his face gently, Aziraphale’s hands slipping to Crowley’s hips and pulling him as close as possible. As their lips moved against each other Aziraphale felt the blood from his cheeks sink decidedly lower, a tiny but growing knot of need settling in his belly. His breath came faster and when he shifted his hands to Crowley’s waist, under his shirt the noise the demon made had him holding down a growl.

It was a long minute before they broke apart and then only hesitantly, coming back for small pecks at each others’ lips as they gradually disentangled themselves. Crowley’s kiss stained lips had him mesmerised as he pulled away, the colour incredibly fetching, enticing him to bold thoughts he had never had before…

“Angel…” Crowley said, somewhat dazed, and said angel had a certain amount of sympathy, feeling somewhat dazed himself.

Aziraphale cleared his throat, taking a step back and completely unable to keep his hungry eyes from the other being. “Yes. That…that is something we are going to have to come back to.” He looked Crowley up and down and felt the excitement ripple through him. “When the world isn’t ending.”

“When the world isn’t ending,” Crowley agreed, his own gaze seemingly captivated. “That’s a promise angel.”

“Oh yes,” Aziraphale said. “I should think so.”