#ayame doesn't exist here

[veintrry]

I'VE DONE THE MATH

there's no solution.

synopsis: love with scara is hard

an: have you guessed this is a laufey ref, I just felt like writing something lovey but I like angst too much. also... hey teehee also shoutout ayame for getting me out of my slumber <3

Scaramouche and you have always held a complicated relationship. Even your friendship was confusing, in the sense that it was deeper than most. Maybe not necessarily romantic, but it certainly wasn't exclusively platonic. You two relied on each other, and you understood one another in a way that went past words. You didn't need to speak for himbto know what you thought. It was seamless. You and him had gone through hell and back together, so when your connection bloomed into that of something more than friends it was practically nothing but perfection.

It was beyond that. You had glee on your heart each time you saw the indigo of his irises and knowing that someone loved you. It was fulfilling having an anchor that kept you at the bay that had grown so familiar. The joys of not needing to say those three words, and the feeling that everything is going to be fine, as long as you have each other. And you were content. You believed he was too. But, you felt his attention drift. And the acts of affections, the gifts, and touches you attempted to make to maintain what you had, or what was left of it, were fruitless. You wrote endless words of expression, trying to make him see that emotion between you two once more, but nothing would come back. At best, acknowledgement. At worst, ignored. Practically forgotten like you were nothing.

You don't know when it started, or why. You don't why that anchor that had once been the one thing keeping you on your feet was keeping you stuck in place, unable to move on. Even though you two were dating it was like you had never once spoken in your entire lives. You'd say that you still felt that joy when he looked at you, but he doesn't even glance at you anymore. It was like you were erased without an answer. And with desperation you clung. For once you had attained a love you didn't know your body and mind craved and you wanted it back. It made you feel alive in the most cliché sense. So you continued to try, to become more persistent. But it's like he only cared when you did everything, when there was no one else but you to fall back on.

Then it dawned upon you. You had become merely the thing that comes last to everything, the thing he kept around just so he never is fully alone. It all felt so aimless. All you wanted is to see the hue of his eyes again rather than being met with the back of his head, the only sight are his silky straight strands. It was as if his face was obscured. So, you stopped. You stopped being the first to come to him, to display your love - if you can call it that anymore - first. To be there. And you waited. You couldn't help waiting internally, for that day he'd come back, the day he'd speak to you, tell you he's sorry and he loves you. And foolishly, you'd forgive him as you've done countless times. But that day never comes.

You fought for what you wanted. You allowed yourself to be pitiful. You let your fingers write him honey sweet words till they began to mean nothing to you, and you had to search for new sentences, new phrases, just so you can be refreshing - less repetitive. But it didn't matter. It did not matter what letters you strung together, how you ordered a sentence, how neatly you tied a gift, how long you spent picking it, how gentle your touch was or even its warmth. Because he didn't love you. And worst of all, he didn't care. He didn't care despite your long history and you were left for nothing.

So, you told yourself you'd get away. Distance yourself. There was nothing for you here, not with him. But it hurt. It hurt not being anything. Because despite how horrible it felt when you had something, at least it existed, at least you can say it's there. But now, nothing was left. Your memories were just that; Memories.

[wandringaesthetic]

OVERTHINKING 30 SECONDS OF ALUCARD CASTLEVANIA:

I deliberately spoiled myself for whether he would be showing up before I started watching because I didn't want to disappoint myself if he didn't. So I saw this screenshot out of context and was like "no, put him back." He looks a bit too smooth and cherubic. Doll-like and a bit too feminine.

In context it's not so bad, in profile the change isn't so drastic and I think it's more that they have him exceedingly pale and that flattens out all of his shading than that they changed his facial shape much. Some of this is also just the slight difference in art style. Lines are lighter and more sketchy here and we don't have as much dark dark shading.

I expected that he would probably have white/gray hair a la Symphony of the Night and he does. A lot of the Ayame Kojima artwork he looks more pale blond but I most people playing the game interpret that sprite as having gray or white hair.

Also like Symphony of the Night, he's got a cravat. All laced up to the chin versus loose, low necked shirt or walking shirtless scene in Series 1

I always guessed that they had his first appearance like this to confirm beyond a doubt that the long haired pretty person was male so foreign language markets wouldn't be tempted to change his gender. And also I guess let's show off that scar.

ANYWAY. I always interpreted Alucard's silvery SotN hair as an expression of age/weariness/grief. He's canonically been taking a dirt nap for a while, right? An expression of the fact (?) that he hasn't been feeding. Homeboy is anemic.

By the way, it's never really made clear in Castlevania the animation whether Alucard needs to drink blood. I always assumed that he did at least sometimes. In part, because of this:

He has a confidence here that says to me that this is not the first time he has lunged after someone's throat.

Also it looks like the coffin apparatus he rises out of when he's introduced is feeding him blood somehow.

[He also eats food obviously, from his foraging and cooking montages in S3. my fanon interpretation of this is that he needs some of both but not as much blood as a full vampire would need and not as much food as a full human would need. He can survive a long time (probably a very very long time) without either but he'd suffer for it]

Some Castlevania vampires have more inhuman features than others. I'm speculating on this being more true the more old/powerful the vampire. Drolta's black sclera, Dracula's ridiculous height, Olrox's glowing eyes, etc. So the white/silver hair (and the 'is he glowing or is he REALLY white' complexion) might be an expression of Alucard aging and coming into his powers. Because a lot of our Castlevastle vampires are paper white but not all.

Him being laced to the chin versus tits out implies a more closed personality. Maturity, perhaps. Less emotional and sexual availability.

(In the first season he just woke up so you can't blame him for not wearing a shirt. In season 4 the shirtlessness is a Choice.)

I would say "please, someone fuck this man" but we all know how that went.

IIRC, in games canon he went immediately to sleep after Castlevania III and then didn't wake up until Symphony of the Night. This implies some self hatred and maybe depression. Feeling like you're something that shouldn't exist but being unable to easily self terminate and/or sticking around just in case you need to fight a monster worse than you.

Animated Alucard doesn't seem to have that level of self hatred. In series 1, he seems to identify more as a vampire than as a human (his comment about being less than excited about the Belmont hold because it's a museum dedicated to the extermination of his people) and doesn't seem to think that existing as a vampire is wrong in and of itself. In fact he seems to have some pride in vampires as preservers of knowledge even after the events of season 2. ALSO, his relationship with his father seems more positive in the animation than in the games. In the animation, he loves and respects his father up until the point he decides to exterminate all humans. In the games it seems like that father son relationship was more fraught and possibly more distant.

HOWEVER. If his kill count really is in the thousands, that makes me believe that not only has he been awake most of the last 300 years, he's spent most of that time killing vampires and that he may have started killing vampires generally rather than just those making problems. Even if he hasn't come to the conclusion of "all vampires must die and then when I have finished my grim work I shall die too" if he has been hunting and killing vampires for SO LONG he has to have started seeing them, and the parts of himself that are like them, as the problem.

I don't love that kind of moral absolutism, but. In Castlevania we have (correct me if I'm wrong) two morally ambiguous vampires (Dracula and Olrox) and the rest are evil. Castlevania the animation seems to not come down on the side that vampires are soulless monsters, but the overwhelming majority are evil. I think it would go against the series core to argue that vampires aren't people or can't be good people, or that you get one choice and that determines your whole life and impact on the world going forward (how Christian of you--also, a lot of them didn't get a choice!) But the fact remains that vampires have a strong incentive to view human beings as not really being people.

Alucard MIGHT be choosing to abstain from blood and that MIGHT be why he's so pale he glows. Drink your juice, Alucard. Take care of yourself.

I don't love the idea of Alucard being so self hating because I love him and I want what's best for him, but I have to admit that this kind of self hatred is what makes Symphony of the Night Alucard and most notable dhampir characters compelling. A monster fighting worse monsters. A cursed, bastard existence that nonetheless gives you great power. Choosing to do good even though you yourself are damned. Being constantly on the verge of a fall, of awful temptation, of becoming the thing you hunt. Fighting for a world that has no place for you in it.

LASTLY. As a Trephacard shipper. In animation canon he probably AT LEAST stayed awake for more or less a human lifetime. With Sypha and Trevor, in whatever capacity. Undeniably, he loved them. But there are ways that might contribute to the self hatred. It would have distanced him from the vampire part of his identity. I keep thinking of the fact that Trevor corrects Alucard ONCE when he refers to Dracula as "my father" and Alucard refers to him as "Dracula" for the rest of the series. I keep thinking about him staring at the cabinet of vampire skulls in the Belmont hold and Trevor and Sypha both seeming to not really notice. It would be tempting to minimize or fight against that part of his identity. He might feel like he has no place with them if he doesn't.

(AND THAT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE FACT THAT DRAC IS ALIVE NOW. I have no idea how they're going to choose to deal with that, but I have trouble imagining Alucard and Dracula having a positive relationship going forward. That might even contribute to Alucard feeling like he had to choose.)

[blazedrawsstuff]

FNF Headcanons: Senpai's Game

Here are my headcanons surrounding and expanding upon the game that Week 6 takes place in. More to (likely) be added in the future.

Behind the Game

The game's name is NOT "Hating Simulator", that's just the week name. The game's actual name is "Sakura Days".

The game was made by the Japanese game studio "Exitheart", a small studio founded in the mid-to-late 90's. Sakura Days was their attempt at making a dating sim game, which were becoming quite popular in the market at the time.

Released in 2003, it sold well in Japan, and got above-average review scores. Unfortunately didn't sell as well in the states, not poorly, but it didn't get as much traction as it did in Japan.

Exitheart unfortunately doesn't exist anymore in current day, it was bought out and merged with a larger game company.

Amber (Girlfriend) was given the game as a birthday present when she turned 13. Years later she gave the copy to Blaze after the latter's respective week, which is how she and Kenji met.

About the game

The game features six characters, three guys, three girls. At the start of the game, the player chooses one of them to play as. Each of them have are themed with a flower and color.

The three guys are Kenji Sakubara (aka "Senpai"), Satoru Murasaki, and Makoto Himawari . Themed with pink and roses, purple and violets, and yellow and sunflowers respectfully.

The three girls are. Naomi Suzuran (aka "Kohai"), Akane Tsubaki, and Midori Kikumori Themed with blue and lilies, red and camellias, and green and chrysanthemums respectfully.

Kenji and Naomi are the default characters, and the ones that were featured the most on the marketing for the game.

The background girls also have names! Being Ayame (the brown haired girl with the ponytail) and Kaede (the girl with short black hair). They show up in the background of cutscenes and the Music Club minigame (more on that below). They are also your rival's teammates in the soccer minigame (see below).

For a brief description of personalities. Kenji is the romantic gentleman, Satoru is the bookish stoic, Makoto is the excitable fun-lover, Naomi is the shy and reserved creative, Akane is the rough-and-tumble tomboy, and Midori is the gentle motherly figure.

The game takes place mainly in the school, known simply as "Sakura Academy"

The premise is pretty simple: The school's spring festival is coming up and you want to get a date for it. You have 15 days (30 days if you pick "semester" mode) to woo the girl/guy of your choice before your rival can.

The Gameplay

Upon starting the game, you have a choice to pick if you'll be playing as a boy or a girl. If a boy you can choose either Kenji, Satoru, or Makoto. If a girl you can choose either Naomi, Akane, or Midori. After which you pick the crush you want to pursue.

Datable options are (sadly) gender-locked (ex: Kenji can only date Naomi, Akane, or Midori). The one of the two character options you didn't choose become your rival (ex: Picking Naomi makes Akane or Midori your rival.).

You also pick how long your want your session to be. Either "quarter" mode, which gives you 15 days before the festival. Or "semester" mode, which gives you 30 days before the festival. This affects the amount of points you get for the affection meter (see below).

The game, while mostly being a dating sim, also has a competitive minigame angle to it. The goal, as stated above, is to get the guy or girl you picked for your crush to agree to be your date for the school's Spring festival.

This is done by three ways. One is by talking to them, the second is by getting them gifts, and the third is to do minigames to impress them. Doing these increases the affection meter for the character you do these to/for. In order to win, you must have the bar higher than your rivals before the day of the festival. The meter must also be at at least 65% or higher in order to win.

However it is possible to lose affection meter points. Such as making wrong dialogue choices, giving your date their disliked gift, or losing the minigames. Your rivals can lose points as well.

Each day, you have a set amount of "stamina" to spend, you spend it by talking to characters, playing minigames, or working, which gets you money to spend on gifts at the school's store. Once you run out of stamina you can't do anything else and must return to your home and sleep. Sleeping ends the day, transitioning to the next one. Your rival's points will be counted once you go to sleep, allowing you to spend the next day catching up.

You can only do one minigame per day, and give only one gift per-day.

There are six minigames, presented as "clubs". These are Music, Science, Tennis, Art, Soccer, and Cooking. All six characters has a favorite club, doing them and winning will grant you a small bonus to points gained for the affection meter. However losing the minigame will also make you lose a few more points than with any other minigame.

As for how each minigame plays...

Music: Plays just like how it is in Week 6, a rhythm game where you hit the d-pad in tandem with the arrow notes. This club is Kenji's favorite.

Science: Trivia game. Answer the questions right to earn points, the player with the most amount of points by the end of the minigame wins. This club is Satoru's favorite.

Tennis: Plays pretty much like Mario Tennis. Hit the ball and try to get your rival to miss it to earn points. The one to hit 5 points first wins. This club is Makoto's favorite.

Art: Button combo minigame. Hit the buttons in the combo shown to create paintings as fast as you can within the time limit. The one with the most paintings is the winner. This club is Naomi's favorite.

Soccer: Get the ball into your rival team's goal to earn points. The team with the most points after 3 minutes wins. Both teams have 2 team mates, your teammates are the characters you didn't pick for your date (Ex: Picking Naomi, then picking Kenji for your date would make your teammates Satoru and Makoto.) while your rivals teamates are Ayame and Kaede. This club is Akane's favorite.

Cooking: Plays similarly to Cooking Mama mixed with Warioware. You must complete a series of microgames to make your dish before your rival finishes theirs. Microgames include chopping, frying/sauteing, mixing, baking, and boiling. This club is Midori's favorite.

Once all 15/30 days are up, the festival will begin. In which you confess to your crush that you love them. If the affection meter is at 65% or higher and it's higher than your rival's, then you win. If it's less than 65%, then you are rejected, thus you lose. If your rival's meter is higher than yours, you find that your rival has already confessed, and thus you lose.

Other Stuff/Mod and AU Stuff

Minus: Sakura Days is an RPG in the Minus universe known as "Secret of Sakura". Kenji is the main protagonist and a swordsman while the rest are his party members (Satoru being a mage, Makoto being a ranger, Naomi being a bard, Akane being a rogue, and Midori being a healer).

D-Side: Sakura Days is a fighting game in the D-Sides universe known as "A FUCKING FIGHTING GAME" (yes, that is what it's called canonically). Sensei is a martial arts teacher (rest TBA).

[dumbegglife]

loong fruits basket s2 - s3 rant

there was someone i used to follow who i got a lot of great josei recs from and really loves fruits basket and she doesn't know or care that i exist at all, but if she read ever this, i bet she would hate my guts lol but anyway, that's never going to happen:

finally getting it off my chest. it's gonna be all over the place.

likes:

yuki's development with kakeru. i thought yuki's development as the student council president was really good! s2 really helped me understand and sympathize with yuki. while yuki can easily avoid ayame or kyo, he can't avoid kakeru since they work together. he has to constantly confront his own insecurities with kakeru, and he can't lord anything above kakeru and shut him down, like he can with kyo. i loved seeing yuki loosen up and start acting less formal with kakeru around. loved seeing him have fun, be able to show his frustration and embarrassment so openly. seemed like he always wanted a guy friend he could be casual with, and i loved that he was able to have that. even with tohru, he felt he couldn't be as honest - as in he felt he had to save some face in front of her, but kakeru is so brazen, always clowning, always willing to bring yuki into the casual world yuki is so unfamiliar with, yuki started enjoying himself too. i absolutely adore the scene where yuki says "i won't be your friend anymore" and immediately regrets it. but no one makes fun of him, the show is gently teasing him, he's just so genuine and adorable there.

yuki, ayame, and their mother at the parent teacher conference. excellent way to show just how much their relationship has developed, to show off ayame's personality and sense of protection at the same time. it was so sweet and so funny at the same time. it was also great to see illustrated how harmful overbearing and controlling parents are. they're so common. it was heartwarming to see yuki saved from his mom by his older brother.

shigure - his character and the intent for his character still confused me a bit. i like how he's scummy, but can be a very soothing and wise figure. shigure's monologues are some of my favorites. i admit, i don't really understand how he's a "master manipulator", considering everyone seems to just act on their own accord. he's there, seeing both sides, i guess he's akito's informant, but he's not really telling akito what she doesn't already know or would find out anyway from someone else, imo? what i can appreciate about shigure is that his motive is to drive everyone into a state of desperation. he wants to push everyone, even into harm, if it means pushing the limits on the curse - i respect that he has this motive. it's just not super clear to me that he's a mastermind pulling the strings - again, people seem to be acting as they would, he just gives a little nudge here and there.

akito and tohru's exchange at the house (before the cliff incident lol). akito's desperate screaming that no one will be guaranteed to love her again, that she won't know how to be in the world without knowing there will be people obligated to "love" her, tohru still reaching out despite everything.

dislkes:

didn't care for rin x haru, shigure x akito, kureno x uo. not into every single character getting paired up by the end. i also just didn't care for rin and she ended up being a big part of s3.

plot twist of kyo being present when tohru's mom died. his sudden amnesia about it. the melodrama...it was too much. hearing him say that he didn't pull her in because he didn't want to be transformed into a cat...and when i imagine him turning into a cat to avoid a gory traffic accident - it was so absurd, i laughed.

plot twist of tohru falling of a cliff - i also laughed aloud when this hapened. i hate it when characters in dramas suddenly get into freak accidents for the shock of it. again, melodrama.

yuki's confession of seeing tohru as a "mother." i read the manga version of this scene too just to confirm. i can't understand seeing a peer as a parent in any capacity. yes you can argue there are many types of love, you can argue that yuki didn't see tohru romantically, but to compare her to a mother so specifically weirded me out a lot. also, it seemed pretty clear from s1 that he did like her romantically, so this didn't make sense. oh and i know that kakeru addresed this and yuki responded by saying "i thought i liked her romantically but actually i didn't and all those times i flirted with her actually felt wrong..." huh...what about the time yuki FAINTED when tohru called him by his first name. i'm not a admant shipper of tohru x yuki or tohru x kyo, but to resolve the romantic tension between the three by going "actually yuki sees her as his mother" was upsetting.

oh and at the end, yuki literally gives tohru a fucking handshake. not a hug. Damn yuki, i know your actual mom is messed up, but tohru must've at least taught you better than that.

lol shigure fucked akito and her mom. sorry, that's wild. kinda on brand for shigure, but surprising that they could work it out in the end after that LOL. akito's mom was also comically evil and i couldn't take that seriously at all. melodrama.

i get fruits basket is about family trauma, but when every single parent is hysterically abusive or negligent, it does take away from the dramatic effect as they keep piling on.

yuki and machi. they have similarities and some nice moments, but i didn't get a sense of chemistry at all. would've liked yuki to just be single or maybe not entirely head over heels for machi by the end? he's so guarded, they didn't have enough development by the end to be so infatuated with each other imo.

with yuki joining student council, he was kept away from tohru and kyo a lot. he had a new group of peeps. i did like that he got to interact with new people, but he interacted significantly less with tohru and kyo. i thought maybe the two worlds would collide (tohru/kyo/even shigure + student council) and that would be a really interesting/fun interaction, but they didn't.

in general, people were constantly blaming themselves for being selfish. tohru does this 120% already, but kyo started to do it too. it was a lot. like i get it, everything you do is for your own benefit and therefore selfish, but goddamn.

[fruiteggsaladit]

I found nothing on Rena from yyh on tumblr here so I'm making one here (edit: I tangented! edit 2: I edited so it reads a little bit better)

ID: Two sections cut up from a manga side panel from YYH, vol 4, ch 27, pg 41. Right image is a portrait of Lena, smiling: "You're gonna buy it next month! (heart)". Left image reads: "Single-panel characters: Lena, the Angel of Death Friend of Botan. Nothing thrills her more than to spot a hot guy and tell him he's going to die." / END ID.

Lena or Rena (レナ), screenshot here from chapter 27 page 41 volume 4, wearing a headband with the character 死 (death). She appears in only this panel in the manga (I believe?) but she reappears in “Yu Yu Hakusho 100% Maji Battle" Botan Event (EDIT: a translated post about it here) where Botan speaks with her, impressed with Rena for having collected 20 souls that month alone.

"This is a job but I can't help but feel the transcience of human existence," Botan says. Building on her one-panel appearance, Rena responds, "Really? I'm the happiest when I announce a boy my type that he's going to die!" (paraphrased from translated quote).

ID: Botan and Rena in a 100% Maji Battle Event screenshot, similar to a visual novel. Rena (in Japanese): "When I announce to a boy who is my type that he is going to die, I am the happiiiiiest!" (translation: yyh4ever) /END ID.

Love her! Oh and her game appearance is given an orange scarf, I like that renewed design. Really intrigued that she appears to be the only ferry girl who doesn't wear a kimono or hakama; additionally her appearance in the game has an interesting blend of dark and bright colours, reminiscent of Ayame (her only colour-tie to Botan seems to be the eyes, both shades of purple - ferry girl trait? could be neat!) -

Which makes me think she's senior enough to just disregard regulatory uniforms, which is all the more intriguing to me! I also just like Botan having seniors, because she strikes me as young compared to what her job as a ferry girl (psychopomp) is and for how long it may have existed for (more on that on the bottom tangent of this post).

Headcanon section

Even more notable to me tho is that the scarf reminds me of someone...

ID: Images to compare characters Rena and Koenma from YYH. Rena wears an orange scarf, Koenma wears a red scarf. /END ID.

Koenma! Which was the big reason why she gives me Senior Executive Staff (a company president or a COO maybe); that the scarf isn't a personal preference, but a uniform cue for the rank she has within the Spirit Office. That being said...

She strikes me as someone who hides from the newbies how old she really is, because similarly to telling an attractive guy he's going to die, she gets a kick out of a new shinigami learning the truth about her after many months or years of knowing her, and having assumed that she might be their senior (senpai) but could also have entered the Office at the same time as them... although, they don't remember seeing her at orientation... and she doesn't really get bossed around like they do... (the rest of the Spirit Office are too scared to tell the newbies the truth, Rena Will Remember That and no one wants to be remembered by her).

She looks like she could be a mid-to-late 20s-something, but she could also actually be the oldest ferrygirl around. Not by natural age, but because she killed the eldest ones among them because she was younger and wilder back then and got a thrill from killing someone as strong as or normally stronger than herself.

Food for thought: What exactly is a ferrygirl, and do they exist separate from the Spirit Office, or can anyone become a ferrygirl? If they exist separately, when and how were they absorbed into the SO? What were they like and what did they do prior to SO employment?*

I just like her being the most dangerous person at the spirit office and she's turned out a little bit boring in her old age (ferrygirls being a relatively new job potentially, it could be unknown how old one of them could get?). She did some murders, she did some assaults, now she wants to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss with a silk glove.

Also just really funny to think about Botan specifically never picking up on any of the little red flags Rena is waving. I might thinking of Rena like a shade of Akio from Utena? In the sense that she'd made a place for herself and others and she's displeased when the fun is interrupted. That seems like the right amount of crazy for a character who never appears canonically in the manga but exists all the same thanks to one side manga panel and one game event (two appearances in total across the manga, anime, games, and adaptive canons...).

Last Rena headcanon: Botan gets a lot of her mannerisms and work ethic from Rena, including that hand-pointing gesture.

* I think I remember a post where Togashi was asked about the Spirit World and how it related to Earth... Cannot find that post (I recall that it was yyh4ever who translated it?). I think I remember it saying how Spirit World was like a parallel reality/world of Earth's, prompting the interviewer(?) to ask if there were things beyond the Office in the Spirit World realm, similar to Earth (schools being one example), and Togashi said yes? It's very annoying I can't remember the exact phrasing or find the post!

Tangent on shinigami or ferry girls:

Several "fun facts abt YYH" articles link Botan to Charon, the greek ferryman carrying souls of the dead to Hades, and I thought I had read an interview with Togashi about his inspirations regarding Botan being related to that, but this must be a false memory. The myth from those articles probably builds on the localised translating of Sanzu River into Styx, and mine derives from believing the yyh wiki a little too much.

(Granted, she does carry an oar like Charon does, but until I find a proper quote, I'm disgarding this as nonsense.)

A comment on a FB post points to Wikipedia's page on the Sanzu River, the last paragraph of which (as of Sep 14 2023) refers to Jizou, or Kṣitigarbha. The Kṣitigarbha Boddhisattva Sutra mentions a Sacred Girl/Daughter (Brahmin), who through -

"“earnest and filial devotion of making offerings to the Buddha of Flower of Meditation and Enlightenment that [her] mother was relieved. Not only did [her] mother receive deliverance from Hell, but all sinners of the Avici 18 Hell also benefited from it, for they ascended to Heaven on the same day.” (...) She then knelt before the Buddha of Flower of Meditation and Enlightenment and expressed this strong vow, “I shall exercise my best to relieve people of their sufferings forever in my future lives of kalpas to come.”" (translated from Chinese to English by Ms Pitt Chin Hui, president of the Singapore regional centre of the world fellowship in Buddhism and a founder of Poh Ern Shih Temple in Singapore). Establishment that the translator belongs with reads a little sus to me, but I appreciate an English translation of the passage.

In her introduction, she describes herself as a shinigami. "I am what you call a grim reaper," (Eng sub; Japanese dub uses "shinigami"), which becomes a little more interesting. Shinigami in traditional Japanese myth apparently did not have as noble roots as the Sacred Girl did: classical literature from as late as 1841, "Ehon Hyaku Monogatari", includes a story of a malicious ghost. They do not guide as much as invite a human to death!

Loose extrapolation: It's a convenient way to explain suicide, maybe? I recall smarter people than me reporting that suicides are usually very spontaneous, and that one has a sense of immediate regret (when one is able to survive an attempt). Having the explanation that a ghost made me do itcould lessen the burden for my own and loved ones' state(s) of mind, because one investigates one's surroundings then from the perspective of "what can I do to avoid this ghost (sucidical thought) from overwhelming me again?" People become more alert to my moods, and check in on me, and the effort is probably reassuring. Also, there's the factor of being able to blame my lack of control on something other than myself: the social stigma being somewhat alleviated from it being the work of a ghost, rather than me being "weak-willed" or "-minded".

Remembering something now: I looked this up before and my eye caught at Wikipedia's entry on shinigami, "the Western notion of a god of death entered Japan, and shinigami started to become mentioned as an existence with a human nature". No particularly good source to find on the web for that one at the moment!

There was one more mention of a "death god" being confused with "god of paper" in one late 1700s play of a tragic romance, which would land the YYH ferrygirls, following this logic, to perhaps having existed for some 200-220 years. Not a very long time for a species, even fictional, or a job related to the Spirit Office, which has supposedly existed for thousands of years.

Concluding headcanon: Similarly to Spirit Detectives, Koenma developed the occupation of ferry girls to involve humans more with the Spirit Realm. (However noble Koenma thinks his intent was with this...)

[heros-original-characters]

@tazzes-original-characters

Yes! But...

Double counter!

Ashton: Don’t worry, I have a permit.

Ayame : ...This just says “I can do what I want”.

Ayame : Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Ashton: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Ayame : A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Ayame : And I started thinking.

Ayame : Like, it was just trying to get food.

Ayame : What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Ashton: Are you ok?

Selah: Why do you hang out with me?

Sky: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!

Selah: …

Selah: I feel a bit sorry for you.

Sky: Can we get a birthday cake?

Selah: It’s not your birthday.

Sky: The cake won’t know!

Frost: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!

Nia : That doesn't exist.

Frost: Not with that attitude.

Nia : Frost? What are you doing here?

Frost, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.

Alice, at Selina's funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Alice, leaning over Selina′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Selina: Yeah, no shit.

Alice: Eat shit and die, Selina!!!

Selina: Eat shit and live, Alice.

Alice: Hold the fuck up.

Selina: Excuse me?

Alice: I said hold the fuck up.

Selina:

Alice: I’m the fuck up, hold me.

Deus: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Viri, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

Deus, trying to comfort Viri: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Viri: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.

Deus: …I was hungry.

Viri: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Deus: I only like dark humor.

Viri, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Deus:

Viri: An IMPASTA!

Vitris: You’re giving me a sticker?

Holly: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Vitris: I’m not a preschooler.

Holly: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Vitris: I earned this, back off!

Holly: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.

Vitris: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

Holly, admiring a sleeping Vitris: You’re so cute.

Vitris, sleepily: I could beat your ass.

Holly, lovingly: I know.

Vitris: I’m a reverse necromancer.

Holly: Isn’t that just killing people?

Vitris: Ah, technically.

Holly: Why aren’t you sleeping?

Vitris: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Holly.

Holly:

Vitris: ...The nightmares.

Holly: *wrapping their arms around Vitris* Awwww, sweetie-

Vitris: I hate you.

Holly: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

Holly: Vitris, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Vitris, naked in Holly's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Holly, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Holly: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Vitris?

Vitris: …Not really.

Holly: Nothing?

Vitris: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Computer: Please enter a password.

Vitris: *types in Holly*

Computer: Your password is too weak.

Vitris: How fucking DARE YOU-

Vitris: Holly... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now.

Holly: *muffled* mm hmmm :)

Vitris: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Holly: I like your new pants!

Vitris: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Holly: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Vitris: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Holly: Thats’s… not what I meant.

Vitris: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Holly.

[kitxkatrp]

"Ah...I see...he does push himself a little too hard, doesn't he?" Ayame's joyful voice turns serious in a split second. "I'll come and get him. Sorry for the trouble. I feel bad that you're always getting involved in our family's issues."

Unfortunately, that was part of being involved with one of them, let alone friends with many others, but...

"We'll take him to my shop. The head doesn't come over here." Because Akito hated Ayame's entire existence. Sometimes it came in handy.

kitxkatrp​:

Poor Dianne was in quite the predicament. Luckily–or perhaps unluckily depending on who asked–Ayame answered the phone almost immediately.

“Oh my, Dianne it has been quite a while! Is there something wrong? You don’t normally call me up like this.”

There was the sound of someone in the background, probably just his assistant Mine. She was trustworthy, so it wasn’t too alarming.

“Ah, well-” She listened to the other side for a moment, looking back over towards Hatori as she did so. After all, the last thing she needed was someone who didn’t need to know finding out about this. But she thinks it’s Mine… Which from what she could tell so far, was alright. 

“It’s Hatori, he is… Not well.” She admitted. “He seems to be ill, and fell asleep here. I know he has been taking his car here as of late, and I cannot help but hold concern regarding if he had anything else to do today, or of the head finds out he is here.” Rightful concerns, she knew, but still… “You are as well aware as I that I cannot get him home on my own, but even if I did, the car would hold as a major issue.”

Even if that were the case, well… “I do not think it is wise for him to return home currently, either. There is no one to care for him there, he is meant to be the one who does the treatment. No matter what, it seems to be a situation where little can be properly done.” But yet, after hearing what the head had done once upon a time to him… She was scared.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

On the topic of Mod Carol's characters I've been wondering if Akira exists here either? Since her moms are dead and Hamato mentions how Beni doesn't have any friends I'm inclined to believe she doesn't, but don't think she's actually related to Ayame and Kizuna?

//Don't worry, she still exist. ^^

[masitadibujante]

There's no end to lengths I'll go To find her again Upon this my dreams are depending Through the dark I sense the pounding of her heart Next to mine She's the sweetest love I could find So I guess I'll be hunting high and low

Hunting High and Low - A-ha

------

Happy Valentine’s Day!! This kogkag vday 2k19 prompt is set post-canon in which Koga found Kagome after all those years and stuff ensues!

[teamfreewill56-blog]

Hi! I just read your post about Final Selection and I would love to know more about your opinion on Kagaya! I can’t decide how I feel about him.

On the one hand the Hashira seem to respect him immensely and he seems extremely (re: too) committed to destroying the demons.

But the fact that he was willing to kill his wife and two daughters along with himself to get Muzan really rubbed me the wrong way - like why did they have to be involved??? And the calming effect his voice has kind of weirds me out because I feel like it could be used to manipulate but we don’t really see him do that (that I recall).

There’s just a lot going on with him lmao

Hi!

I absolutely despise his blind guts. To me he is almost even more of a villain than Muzan (Definitely at least equal). And it infuriates me that people think SHINJURO is a bad parent when KAGAYA exists! Kagaya is a bad parent as a ACTUAL parent and as this weird creepy "Fake parent" shit he pulls with the Demon Slaying Corp. Kagaya is a if the CPS existed he would have his kids taken away.

I'm going to cover what you specifically mention first and then go into my other thoughts.

(A/N: I am going to have to quote things as Tumblr isn't going to give me enough space to show the images)

The Hashira do respect him, and it is obsessive and unhealthy. Out of all of the Hashira Kyojuro (and Shinjuro) are actually the most detached and have the "healthiest" relationship which is very interesting considering they are from an ORIGINAL LINE OF HASHIRA. They freak out over getting to talk to him even though they have Hashira meetings annually, so thats very fangirlly and weird??? I actually don't consider him too committed to destroying demons because he's so bad at being the leader. Like he "says" that he is, but aside from him sending Hashira here or there he really doesn't do anything to further the cause. The Hashira and the Corp members do all that. When they have the Hashira meetings, he offers no ideas, the Hashira are the ones who are doing the lifting. He was very quick to kill himself, which is kind of suspicious in itself. Also he never told anyone in the Corp that Muzan came from his family, which is very, very important information that could have been helpful.

Him killing Ayame and his two daughters with him is absolutely typical of him though, everyone is expendable (including himself) in terms of furthering the goal to kill Muzan and he says it when he first meets Sanemi. Demon Slayers, his kids, everyone. There's no reason he and Ayame couldn't send their daughters away from them even if it made them upset but he didn't do that. And he does use the calming voice to manipulate and he does it constantly.

Basically any time he's talking to someone and you can tell by his tone. Or at least, that's how I interpret it. It's never explained or fully explored but the fact that he used it on Tanjiro and Kyojuro when he first met them. Sanemi doesn't say it was used on him but the comparisons Sanemi makes to his mother and Kagaya does seem to imply that he used it on Sanemi as well and it's possible that because Sanemi is built different he didn't feel/pick up on it in the same way that Kyojuro and Tanjiro did. And since he used it when Tanjiro was there and it was all the Hashira gathered it's quite clear the soothing voice is used whenever he's with them. It can absolutely be used to manipulate and he does, because a lot of the stuff that he says does not add up otherwise. But if you throw in his little power suddenly it makes sense why everyone is constantly buying his bullshit.

Kyojuro treats Kagaya like his boss, respectful but he doesn't put him on a pedestal like the others. He's actually the most detached. The first thing Kyojuro says is "There's no need for a trial!---Let's just lop off his head along with the demon's!" Kyojuro with this comment is literally saying "We don't need the Master, we can decide this ourselves and we should kill them." Kyojuro especially, would know what's "in bounds" in terms of Hashira decisions. And while the others object, and Kyojuro does too, Kyojuro still vehemently objects when Kagaya says Tanjiro and Nezuko have been sanctioned. And if you watch that scene and look at Kyojuro's face, our "I can hide all my emotions behind a smile" boy is passive-aggressively pissed. In the movie he says "Since the Master accepted her, I will keep my peace." And that's all he ever says about Kagaya. Even in his Gaiden when he meets Kagaya he is polite but he none of this "as you wish Master" etc that everyone else does. He is very upfront with how he speaks to Kagaya, and he calls him "Master" but there's no added honey or flowery words with it like with Sanemi, and when Kagaya talks to Kyojuro after "fighting" Sanemi he sits down but he doesn't bow.

But Kagaya doesn’t give a fuck about him just like he doesn’t about the other Hashira. When Kyojuro DIES this bastard goes “I’m not sad, I will see Kyojuro again soon.” I’M SORRY WHAT this boy sacrificed time with his family, worked himself constantly and to literal exhaustion, never lost a person he saved, literally saved 200 plus the boys, YOU SENT HIM ON THIS MISSION WITH JUST KIDS KNOWING THERE WAS PROBABLY AN UPPER MOON THERE, he got MUTILATED AND YOU’RE “NOT SAD” OR EVEN GONNA CRY OVER HIM??? Everyone else is devastated, Tanjiro, Inosuke and Zenitsu’s are in pieces over it and YOU the LEADER the PERSON EVERYONE ANSWERS TO is not even sad that one of your HASHIRA WHO RAN THIS FUCKING ORGANIZATION FOR YOU IS DEAD. Just because you’ll “see him soon in the afterlife”? Ex-fucking-scuse you bastard. And then he has the audacity to say they’ll carry on Kyojuro’s will BITCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIS WILL WHAT THE FUCK. Like for me that’s really where I started squinting at Kagaya because if they’re all “your children” and one of your top fighters, your HASHIRA that you see semi-annually dies YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING SAD ABOUT THAT YOU PSYCHOPATH! But nope, he wasn’t. So as much as it sucks, I’m relieved Kyojuro didn’t have much feelings for him because yeah just look at what he said right after his death.

Everyone else though? They are full on manipulated and wrapped around Kagaya's fingers. And how convenient for Kagaya that all of these Hashira have HORRIBLE backgrounds and are so starved for affection and recognition (in addition to having Kagaya using his "soothing" speech on them) that yeah they can't see it.

Tengen next, when Tengen is poisoned in Vol. 10 he has that flashback of talking to Kagaya, Kagaya says "Tengen...the path you choose is a hard one. It is hard to reject the values you learned as a child. You must always fight yourself...at the same time that you're fighting on the field of battle. But in spite of your many inner conflicts...and contradictions...I trust you to always fight for me and protect innocent lives. Thank you Tengen, you are a wonderful child."

Thanks for pointing out I picked a hard choice I guess? There is no actual empathy in this entire statement, there's no validating Tengen's actual struggle Kagaya is just stating that Tengen has it hard and is in conflict with himself. No offering him support, or understanding, also like, we have no evidence that Tengen even asked for his fucking opinion about it??? So I assume he just went off into a rant here. And maybe I'm being too mean but the "But in spite of your many inner conflicts...and contradictions..I trust you to always fight for me and protect innocent lives."

FUCKING WHAT. "Choose me over yourself" is basically what's being said here, even if you're in a current emotional hell. WHY. WHY WOULD ANY SANE HEALTHY PERSON DO THAT. And the fact that he says "fight for me" before he says "protect innocent lives" is pretty glaringly clear where dear ole Kagaya's true priorities lie. And Tengen in response says, "Master, it is I who am thankful....to you. You showed me something worth risking my life for. Doing so merely is a matter of course. People who struggle with their inner conflict are foolish weaklings. I see what must be done and I do it."

Also note we are in volume 10 of the series when this happens and are still given no indication of why Kagaya is an asset to the Corp. But "you showed me something worth risking my life for". Clearly meaning Kagaya and not the innocent people he's supposed to be protecting. And for what? What did Kagaya do for him to make him feel that way? Gave him a fucking order. WHAT. THE. HELL. There is no reason for "Citizens first, wives second, me last" TENGEN FLAMBOYANT UZUI should be putting FUCKING KAGAYA at the front of his priority list.

Muichiro: This boy is still a baby. He is FOURTEEN with AMNESIA and Kagaya points him in the direction of demon slaying. And Kagaya IS A PARENT. "Your lost memory will return. It is unnecessary to worry. Do not miss this opportunity."

Kagaya had absolutely no evidence or way of knowing if Muichiro's lost memory would ever return. Once again, invalidating feelings, "It is unnecessary to worry". His body was mutilated, he saw his brother die and he has amnesia but it's "unnecessary" to worry about those things. Again WHAT THE HELL. How are any of those things unnecessary concerns??? "Do not miss this opportunity." What opportunity Kagaya? The opportunity to be the shell of yourself because you were taught to only focus on "clearing trivial matters" instead of given a PROPER DOCTOR to help with your memory??? So he literally can't remember anything except fighting demons and respecting you? He can't even remember the fucking Hashira and they are all brightly designed and very in your face. And instead of believing in himself and trusting his own judgment Muichiro validates his decisions by saying "The Master recognized my value". Muichiro directly ties his worth to Kagaya's view of him. Based off this comment Muichiro might not value himself otherwise, we don't know, it's not explored but tying your worth to someone else recognizing your value is incredibly toxic and unhealthy and Sanemi does this too.

Mitsuri: Considering she was trained by Kyojuro, I'm a bit disappointed that she's not more detached from Kagaya. Being uncertain about killing the Kamado siblings makes sense because she's a bit more on the timid side but her "I will do anything you say, Master!" WHY MITSURI??? WHY?? Because in her fight Kagaya didn't validate your feelings either! "Mitsuri you are especially beloved by the gods. Be proud of your strength. Those who speak ill of you fear your talent...and are merely envious!" ....Pretty sure thats one way you make villains like Muzan....how is this validating or helpful comments? It's definitely not anything special enough for you to be willing to do anything this bastard says. This is word for word something MUZAN would say to DAKI.

Gyomei and Sanemi are definitely the worst. They treat Kagaya like he's a fucking god which is ironic given Gyomei prays to BUDDHA. And he got Gyomei out of jail which is really great and saved his life and that's awesome, but he didn't do anything to stop Gyomei from becoming deeply mistrustful of others including children, leaving him to only trust and rely on Kagaya. He agrees to not tell the other Hashira that Kagaya plans to use himself as bait which regardless of intentions is a breach of trust that we've never seen in Demon Slayer until this moment. Gyomei is tricky for me however because sometimes he treats Kagaya like an equal and sometimes he treats him far above, its the most inconsistent of the Hashira.

We're never given Giyuu, Shinobu and Iguro's initial meeting of Kagaya so unfortunately I don't have much to say on theirs.

And finally Sanemi. Sanemi is the worst. I mean my hell he practically has a break down once he enters Muzan's mansion. The way he smiles as he's crying, he looks like he's snapped. Sanemi stood up to Kagaya and called him out on his bullshit when they first met, he saw right through Kagaya's shit and he let him have it, and yes Kagaya says "you don't have to treat me the way everyone else does" but after the meeting they all go after him for not treating Kagaya "respectfully".

Kagaya catches him off guard by saying Masachika's name, and by reminding him of his mother so already Sanemi is in trouble, and saying he knows all the Corp Members names and for a moment I was like "oh that's nice of him" and then we get to the wills, "Strangely, the contents of those wills...are mostly similar. Masachika's was the same. I have been thinking about giving it to you. Masachika thought of you..like the younger brother he lost. He dreamed of a shining future. Just like my dream."

Blood or not Sanemi and Masachika were best friends, they were brothers. Masachika died in his arms. Masachika had no other living family, Sanemi was the closest thing he had and Kagaya has the audacity to say "I have been thinking about giving it to you" first off, it wasn't his decision to give it to Sanemi, we all know damn well it was intended for Sanemi because his BEST FRIEND WROTE IT. And Kagaya is going to act like he is graciously "allowing" Sanemi to read the will that is HIS? REALLY? And Kagaya OPENED AND READ IT. BEFORE SANEMI. This boy lost his family then his best friend and he can't even have his friend's will be just his. The levels of messed up that is are so so many! He took Sanemi when he was upset and still grieving, took his Masachika's words, said he believed the same thing as him (convenient given he read the fucking will!) so its no wonder Sanemi suddenly latched on. He was as vulnerable as you can possibly get. Sanemi was so broken and because Kagaya said something in line with Masachika said that he believed in the same dream Kagaya suddenly jumped to "god-level respect" from Sanemi. Suddenly Kagaya's words are complete gold and he can do no wrong and its awful and heartbreaking and the levels of infuriated it makes me feel is so high.

[fabuloustrash05]

Hey! I have a question about your Oc Ayame 🌸,

she ever wondered who her biological parents were?, why they abandoned her?, or she doesn't know that she's adopted?, or she doesn't care about them?.

I'M SORRY IF IT'S SO MANY QUESTIONS--

Here’s the short answer:

Yes she has.

They couldn’t take care of her… for reasons.

She knows very well that she’s adopted. It’s pretty obvious when you’re a human girl and your father is a mutant turtle.

She cares about her birth parents despite never knowing them, but in the end, to Ayame, Leo is her father and she loves him.

Here’s the long answer:

So for my OC Ayame I originally planned for her mother to be Lotus Blossom (from the 87 series) but she would never really be a present character, it was just a fun way to incorporate more classic 80s tmnt characters, but then I ended up creating my own version 2012 Lotus Blossom that you can check out HERE

I still liked the concept of Lotus being my OC Ayame’s biological mother, but my 2012 Lotus is from another time period (700 AD to be exact) so I wondered how I would be able to work with both ideas, but I finally do have my story for Ayame and even her mother Lotus Blossom.

I’ll try to keep this part short: Leo meet Lotus Blossom during another one of his time traveling adventures with his brothers and Renet to 700 AD China. During their journey to get back home Leo bonded with Lotus and soon a romantic spark began ignite between them.

Renet warned Leo NOT to develop any deep relationships with anyone from the past for this could effect their future. Renet even informed Leo that according to her Time Scepter Lotus it’s not supposed to live, that she will eventually die during her journey that they are accompanying her on. Leo, now in love with her, doesn’t want that to happen to her so Leo effects history by preventing Lotus’ traffic death. Lotus’ timeline has now changed.

By the end of their journey Leo and Lotus say their goodbyes for he knows he cannot stay with her and they cannot be together because of the different time periods their from. But Lotus does give Leo a kiss goodbye (my blue boy finally gets his first kiss) before she rides off on her horse, never to see Leo again.

Renet knows with Lotus still alive this leads to the possibility of changing history. Basically the butterfly effect. So Renet puts it upon herself to keep an eye on Lotus using her Time Scepter, watching Lotus grow older, become a young woman, and eventually have a daughter. The day of her daughter’s birth, Renet arrives again. She informs Lotus that her daughter was never meant to be born for that lotus was supposed to die as a teenage girl (the day she met the turtles) and how now her fate is finally reaching her for she is dying from child birth. Renet tells her that her daughter’s existence will effect the world’s history and she cannot allow that. Lotus understood the situation and knew her time was nearing its end, but was still grateful that thanks to Leo she was able to have a longer and happy life, but she knew due to the butterfly effect her daughter could not exist in this time period. Lotus request to Renet that her daughter be taken to Leo’s time period and be raised by him, for she knew he’d take care of daughter and protect her as well as history will remain its course. As a token to always be with her daughter she gives her a special hair pin in the shape of a lotus flower (that my OC Ayame always wear).

Renet agrees to Lotus’s request and as Lotus meets a peaceful death as she closes her eyes, Renet with the baby girl travels to the present day (turtles are adults now) and leaves the baby on the door step of Leo’s dojo in Japan. She knocks of the door and leaves. Leo opens the door to find the little baby girl he will eventually name “Ayame”.

Now I know what you’re wondering “Does Leo know that Ayame is Lotus blossom’s (aka the woman he deeply loved and changed history for) daughter?”

My answer: Yes. As soon as he saw the hair pin Ayame had with her he knew she was Lotus’ daughter for she wore the same hair pin when he first met her <3

So that’s my official story of my TMNT 2012 OC Ayame! Thank you so much for asking this question! I’ve been wishing to share this concept but never had the opportunity to!

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Fruits Basket Diaries, #6: Why Do I Adore Ayame So Much?

[see part 1 here]

[see part 5 here]

This is part of an ongoing series where I’ll be cataloguing my experience rereading (and finishing for the first time) the Fruits Basket manga. I’ve just finished reading up to the end of the manga, so there will be spoilers for the whole story!

Fruits Basket is full of unrequited loves, both platonic and romantic. Usually, these kind of "lost love" relationships, ones based in a history of complete infatuation on one side that isn't mirrored on the other, either turn into romance stories or are filled with distress, but Fruits Basket takes a very different approach, allowing these relationships to exist as a unique variety of affection, something soft and tender instead of fiery and dramatic. We get to see characters who feel love and admiration for those who don't quite reciprocate live peacefully with those feelings, using them as the source of a strong friendship rather than screaming them from the rooftops. These characters (Ayame, Haru, Hanajima), get to find lovers of their own while their former (and, admittedly, still a bit current) obsession (Hatori, Yuki, Tohru) does the same, but they never have to pretend their feelings don't exist--in fact, they still have loving friendships with their former obsessions, even if they aren't "the one" for them.

We also see the beginnings of these kind of relationships within Fruits Basket--Momiji watches Tohru leave with Kyo and hopes he'll find someone of his own one day; Kagura retains her affection for Kyo, even while she acknowledges his relationship with Tohru; Yuki gets a dramatic, tearful goodbye with Tohru, even as she connects with Kyo and he gets closer with Machi. For these characters, "moving on" doesn't mean leaving their feelings behind, it just means accepting new parts of life along with the old; as Hanajima puts it so beautifully, "My weakness will always be Tohru-kun". And yeah, I get that. I've spent a lot of time trying to cleanse myself of feelings, to just make them go away so everything can "be normal". Eventually, though, I found that truly accepting and loving the part of myself that fell in love with the person in the first place, the part of myself that still sees them and glows a bit, is what has truly helped me move forward in relationships like these without guilt. Because yes, there will always be people who are my weaknesses, people who I was once infatuated with and who I still have a strong attachment to, and that doesn't have to be painful. Hanajima gets the best of both worlds, it seems--she lives her own life outside of Tohru, but she also loves Tohru enough to fight for her happiness. This dynamic mirrors my experiences with some of the most important people in my life, and I think that's why each of the three pairings I mentioned earlier, ones I see as the main examples of this dynamic, is so special to me. Seeing Haru and Yuki's friendship develop as Yuki realizes how deeply Haru cares for him and starts to reach out in return was especially comforting, putting a positive spin on Haru's long-held affection instead of forcing him to "get over" it.

There's this one quote from the final volume: "But the one thing I do know is that love isn't just about loving what's in front of you. The past, the future... maybe it's about holding all of them close to your heart." Maybe past infatuations don't have to be regrettable, failures to sweep under the rug--through the relationships it shows, Fruits Basket finds the potential of the past to make the present beautiful, even when not everyone's dreams came true back then. The people I would consider my weaknesses, as Hanajima said, were, are, and will be the source of many special moments in my life. Even as I pursue relationships and goals I never would have dreamed of in my younger days, there are still people from those days I would drop everything to support, and that, Fruits Basket reminds me, is, indeed, a special kind of love.

[evelynsfics]

The calm before the storm.

A nornal day in Liyue, right? Wrong. Childe's the reason we can't have nice things >:(

Ayame walked through Liyue, humming a lighthearted tune that drifted off in the morning wind.

It was a rather slow day, and she wished she could have spent the entirety of it in her bed, asleep. After the last emergency commission she took the previous day, she felt rather tired, but mora is mora, and she could never pass up so much of it.

Sure, fighting a few rogue ruin hunters was tiring, but she'd been through far worse. A little sleep deprivation wasn't going to do anything horrible to her anyway.

In her hands, she was holding a letter, or rather, a commission she got from the adventurer's guild. It wasn't anything too exciting, but it paid, and Mora was tight for Ayame.

She missed the days when she could go out and get something fancy to eat. Usually, it was right after a dangerous mission that could have very well cost her her life, but commissions like those paid a hefty amount of coin, so she never minded the danger all that much. It was fun, it paid well, and usually it kept her from getting bored half to death.

After all, you can't get bored when you always have to be on guard and extremely careful with every movement you make in case someone is following you, or you know, there are ruin hunters nearby that seem to be itching for a fight.

I mean, they can't really ich since, nevermind, im sure you get what i mean.

But since she didn't have that kind of money to toss around at the moment, she just had to get by by either collecting ingredients she found out in the wild while on a journey, or buy them from that shop next to the teleporter.

Second life, was it?

She was never good with remembering names, of any kind.

Ayame was never the best cook. She could make a few of the easier dishes sure, but that didn't mean they would taste amazing. Somehow, someway, she manages to burn even water, and that's worrying to say the least.

Careful not to trip on the strairs, she began walking with the slightly torn paper in her hand. By that point, she knew Liyue well enough where she didn't really need a map to get around, but considering her awful tendency of getting lost literally everywhere she went because she couldn't follow directions for the life of her, she made sure to keep a small, worn out map in her pocket, just to be sure.

She was tracing the paths on her map, trying to figure out which one would take her to her destination the fastest. This mission would last about two, or maybe three days, so, she had to make sure she had an escape plan ready.

If she was out up in some mountain or stranded in some tiny island out in god knows where, no one would come help her, and even if they did, it would probably be too late by the time they actually get there. So, Ayame, being the paranoid person she is, made sure to always have an escape route at the ready in case something went wrong and she had to make a run for it.

Those times where few, she knew she could count them on one hand, but she never spoke of them. Even when she got so drunk she talked about everything she could think of, like stories she heard while traveling around, myths and legends of far away lands, a few cooking recipes that didn't really make sense, and hell, even how annoying a guy named Dell was.

Apparently, she met him in a tavern somewhere, and he wouldn't stop bothering her, so Ayame, like the sane, logical person she is, cursed him so every time he annoyed her, or you know, talk to her, he'd fall asleep for a few moments, just enough for Ayame to leave.

That happened for about two out of the seven days she stayed there, and after she left... she uh, never whent back to that tavern, or that town in general.

The sun was high up in the sky, it's rays warm and gentle, a beautiful, soft gold color, one Ayame really loved. Few clouds drifted peacefully, but those too soon left. Lost in her thoughts, Ayame didn't hear the footsteps coming closer and closer to her until a hand on her shoulder caused her to slighty turn her head to the side in order to see who it was.

"Hm?"

It took her a second, but she recognized the person pretty quickly for being fast asleep just a few minutes ago.

"Oh hey Childe, what's up?"

She yawned, clearly missing her bed and her soft pillow and comfy blanket and-

Ahem.

"Tired?"

He asked, and Ayame could clearly hear the teasing tone he hopelessly tried to hide.

"It's 8 in the morning on a sunday, what did you expect me to be?"

She looked sleepy, her hair was a bit messier than usual and the bags under her eyes a tad darker, tiny details childe quickly picked up on.

"Oh? Then why are you up, then?"

He smiled at her, clearly looking for an opportunity to ruin her day.

"You've been breathing down my neck for the past 5 minutes. I'm sure you've already figured out why."

She flashed a tired smirk at him, earning a small chuckle from the tall man in return.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Ayame's eyes moving from whatever caught her attention one second, to the next the other. Still, with her gaze focused on a pretty blue butterfly, and away from him, she spoke again.

"Hey don't you have like, literally anything else to do? Or are you going to follow me around all day?"

"Oh come on! I just want to help you out!"

Childe defended himself, or well, tried to. Either way the mood was pretty light, friendly jabs and jokes here and there, never getting too bitter or hurtful, but still extremely annoying.

"Oh? Is that so?"

The pale girl asked, her hair swaying in the light breeze.

"Hm? You don't believe me?"

"No, not really."

"And why's that?"

"You see, i want to reduce the possibility of me ending up with an arrow through my chest as much as possible, and having you follow me around kind of..."

She paused for a second, looking him dead in the eye with a smile.

"Doesn't help out my plan."

She saw a small flash of shock and maybe...something else appear in Childe's eyes, but as soon as it came it was long gone, not even leaving a single trace behind of its short lived existence.

And that's when she knew her words got to him. Yeah, he tried to hide it, but he wasn't fast enough, and now, Ayame thanked the heavens for making her get up, because today sure was gonna be fun.

He smiled after a long second, turning to fully face Ayame. She looked up at him, ocean blue eyes met bored brown ones and in that second, it almost felt as if Ayame was challenging him.

"Give me one good reason as to why i should let you come with me, and i will."

She smirked again, but this time it was clear on her face that she was enjoying this.

[lozbotwfanart]

For the fandom ask! 1, 11, & 14

1. Character in my fandoms that I think I’m most like.

🤔 uh, this one is hard because I feel like I can't be objective here. I definitely identify with BOTW Zeldas problems. Inferiority complex, strict demanding parents, anxiety, sounds like me. For personality, I'm pretty aloof. So I'd say Twilight Princess Zelda for personality.

11. Ever cosplayed a character/dream cosplay?

I have not cosplayed, but I've always wondered what it would be like. The main limiting factor is money of course.

When I was just starting to really get into fandoms and anime conventions were just starting, I really really really wanted to cosplay Ayame Sohma. I really loved the character and his costume is not that hard (a long white wig and a long red coat). I showed my mom and told her I wanted to make a costume, but she uh, wasn't supportive 😅 so I never really got into it.

As for a dream cosplay, Kusuriuri from Monoke, Alucard from Castlevania, D from Vampire Hunter D, anyone from Thunderbolt Fantasy. As you can tell I have a type

14. Favorite fanfiction read/written.

I am ashamed to admit I don't read a lot of fanfiction. I've never been a big reader of fiction in general. I'm more of a textbook reading guy 😅 but way way way back at the start of the internet I stumbled upon a Lord of the Rings fanfic that was the funniest damn thing I had read at that time. I'm sure it doesn't hold up, and I can't remember the title (it was something like Lord of the Onion Rings), but I did print it out, so somewhere it exists.

I can usually read really small fics with one or two chapters. Big long epics are intimidating. I like to get an idea then move on, rather than dwell on a concept to its completion. Idk, maybe in weird.

Thank you so much for the asks!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I truly appreciate it!!

[saltthreena]

I loved your rice-ball analogy! What would you say are all the other FB characters "rice balls?" You should make a second part to that post detailing it. A thought though, I think Shigure's riceball isn't so much his "different" motivations but how he's unable to feel normally and just empty he is inside compared to the rest of the Jyuunishi. Perhaps, most importantly, that he doesn't have his own identity outside the curse like everyone else does?

Thank you! To be honest, I did not go into details for my first post fearing that I was going to spoil it for people. This will be more in-depth so read at your own risk everyone lol.

Shigure - Compared to the rest of the Jyuunishi, his feelings are slightly more intense. In my opinion, Shigure does feel, but there is a thin line between possessiveness/obsessiveness and nurturing for him. What separates him from the other Jyuunishi is the fact that his relationship with the “bond” is so strong and intense that he finds purpose/”love” within it while the other characters want to leave but cannot. To him, it is more than just a curse. Think about it, while the older Jyuunishi’s allowed that moment where Akito was was in the womb to just be a memory, Shigure held onto that day even while everyone moved on. He is different. I do not think anyone really understands him, not even his close friends. That being said, I do think he is able to feel normally, and that can be seen whenever his friendship with Ayame and Hatori are explored. Also, let’s talk about his relationship with Akito. Although he communicates with her, at one point Akito also rejects him. She is honestly more concerned with losing the other members than worry about her relationship with him until later on.He is a rice-ball because he feels differently compared to the rest of Jyuunishi in my opinionKureno- boy! he IS the rice-ball. I cannot recall who said it, but even one of the zodiac members at one point mentioned how Kureno was not like the others. None of them really knew who he was. Similar to Yuki, he too was ostracized from the rest jyuunishi. Not only that, his curse was the first one to go. Imagine being part of an exclusive group but knowing that deep down that you’re not like the other members, BUTTT at the sametime you know you also do not belong in any other group. To be honest, I cannot even imagine Kureno having an enjoyable conversation during the annual banquet.I’m sure he must feel alone, and being alone in your own feelings is basically the concept of being a rice-ball.Akito- she’s an obvious anyone. Imagine everyone worshiping you because you are the incarnation of “God”. She is the leader of the group, but she doesn't fit in with the actual members. She is isolated. No one really knows her, but they *feel* obligated to listen to her. It’s out of fear and not out love.Hatori- Can you imagine having to erase the memories of people the jyuunishi loved. I doubt any of the members blame him for what he did, but he must feel a certain burden and responsibility for being the family doctor. His job is to ultimately take the most valuable form of relationships and connection. That job alone is ultimately a lonely one, and I do not believe any of the other members will ever understand it (but may empathize with him)Kagura and Hiro- These two were the hardest for me to actually think about because they both seem to have friends and families that love them. However, that too might be lonely. It’s not their fault that have a good family. They know how lucky they are but can you imagine the “guilt” they must feel because typically, parents who give birth to the zodiac members usually reject them or become overly protective.a) Kagura- out of all the members, she was the first one we knew that “loved” someone, and yet, by the end, she wasn’t with anyone. Asides from that, (I never thought of this until now) she had to come to terms with her own feelings and only to be left with tears at the end. Furthermore, similar to Tohru, the members that she was close to were the ones that had some emotional instability; yet, we know that those members had a better/supportive “bond” with Tohru than her.b) Hiro- he is so intelligent for his age, and he is still immature. Fighting that immaturity is a struggle for him. He knows what he does is wrong, but he cannot help himself; that same immaturity prevents him from doing what he *really* wants to do and say. That same immaturity is what causes a rift between him and those he loves.

Haru- Oh Boy! He is a kind-hearted soul. He’s the ox, and he has always felt dumb because of it. That in itself makes him a rice-ball. I also believe he is really kind, and he wants to be there for people and help them. However, he ends up watching them suffer, and I think he suffers a lot because it ( the same way they say Tohru might break if she keeps holding onto people’s problem). Throughout the story, we see how he cares for Rin, Yuki, and even Kisa. He is just a softy at heart.Besides, if he wasn’t a rice-ball, Dark-Haru would never have existed.Rin- There is so much to say about her! She loved Haru, and she had to be without him. She loved her family, but they rejected her. She wants to be close to people, but she is afraid of getting hurt. She bottles up her feelings, and she chooses to be alone in those feelings to not hurt others, and that is what makes her a rice-ball. Also, she is trying to break the curse, and she tries doing that alone too (that is another story, but it still connects to the analogy).Ayame- On second thought, he is the hardest character to compare to the rice-ball analogy. lol. He’s just too confident---- actually, we know that deep down he is slightly insecure. He knows he has a long way to go before he can become like those he admires. Fruits Basket never delved into how Ayame was affected by the curse/bond like the other characters. I think it’s because the curse was why had that vivacious personality. The series focused more on how his behavior caused a rift between him and his brother and not even his loud personality could save him from that distance.Yes, he rejected Yuki first. However, he also constantly feels rejected, and he notices that it’s hard for him to fix the mistakes he has done in the past.Anywaysss, I going to stop here. If I forgot something, please let me.(On another note: Rice-ball in a Fruits Basket. The cat in the Zodiac.)

Original Post: 

Tohru never fitting in with people at her school and keeping her feelings to herself= rice ball.Kyo not being part of the zodiac= rice ball

Yuki being placed in that room while all the zodiac dismissed him=  rice ball

Uotani not feeling like she belonged at home or at school= rice ball

Hanajima being the only one in her school to have supernatural power= rice ball

Momiji being shunned by parent= rice ball.

Akito being that powerful force within the zodiac= rice ball

Kisa looking different from the rest of her classmate= rice ball

Ritsu always “messing up” and feeling like he has no purpose= rice ball

Shigure being sly and having “different” motives compared to the rest of zodiac= rice ball