#awkwardrants

[awkwardgtace]

Little bit of real life talk

Before you go ahead, just know I'm still trying to do gt july, still looking at the wonderful prompt in my inbox, and still plan to share a kaiju kyrie and melody sneak peek at some point. I'm just tired.

I kept thinking about whether or not I should make this post. I like to keep my real life stuff mostly separate from here. It's not something my writing ties to, but honestly it's making a big difference in what I can do this year so under the cut I'm gonna rant a bit.

This rant is specifically about the game industry since idk how obvious i've made it on this side blog, but i'm a game dev, for now.

Also no I won't specify my company cause then I can get in trouble for complaining.

TLDR: I'm bothered by the state of the industry, my own position, and it's making it hard to be creative.

I've been reeling since the layoffs this week. It was not something I was prepared for no matter how much I expected it. Friends were let go, friends I know had the skills the company claimed to want.

I hate sitting here and feeling so awful when I kept my job. I hate that it's making my brain just stop working. I had so many ideas monday night that are just gone since I walked into work tuesday morning.

I have to job hunt again, something I thought I wouldn't do for a few more years. I can't trust my safety at this company. I can't make that risky choice here.

It also sucks looking around and wondering if I was kept as a token. I'm a programmer, I'm a girl. Is that the reason I'm still here? Is that the reason others who were on projects weren't kept?

Game industry is rough. It's fucked my head badly this week. I can't come up with ideas as easily as I want or do much without thinking about it. My interests are games and now there's all of this.

This isn't a rant to say fuck games or anything like that. I just had to talk. Especially when it's making hard to write.

I want to be creative. I want to write stories that I'm happy to read over, that I'm happy to share. I'm sick of the way my brain works under stress. I need to go through a plot ten times to get it to a single story, something that doesn't usually happen

But I'm getting over it. I'm working on my gt july list, my little summaries before I start writing.

Just had to rant a little bit

[niemernuet]

Fourth week (just about) of the off-season winter sports fandom challenge. This week's subject was

“wow, you’re photogenic!” 📸

I've started and deleted about five ficlets, three of those varying forms of the one below but now I've run out of time. 😑😅 Anyhooo...

© of the title goes to @wunderlichkind who once described Ramon with these two words. I don't disagree but I just have a soft spot for my beloved giant. Which is why I make him suffer.

Profoundly awkward

rating: T pairing: Ramon Zenhäusern/Daniel Yule (unrequited) characters: Ramon Zenhäusern, Daniel Yule, Luca Aerni Length: 1'300 words

The fast, synthetic-sounding EDM-version of Bohemian Rhapsody boomed over the mountain. Luca turned around from the DJ's booth high above the terrace, and cheered towards the crowd, happy that his wish had been granted.

"Oh my God!" Ramon groaned but nobody heard him as it was too loud anyway. Daniel was a few steps away, hooting and hollering with the rest of the people while spilling his drink all over the wooden planks. Ramon watched with growing dread as Luca tottered along the gallery with no railing and climbed down again. The coaches would never forgive them if they hurt themselves now, at the end of the season, but both Luca and Daniel seemed to be hellbent on doing exactly that.

"Hey, Ramon!" Daniel screamed, and stumbled over. Ramon extended his arms, and caught him just in time before he fell flat on his nose. "Live a little, you sourpuss!" Daniel screamed into his ear, hanging like a sack of potatoes over Ramon's shoulder.

Ramon hoisted him back onto his own two feet, and softly pushed him away. "I am living," he yelled over the music. "And I'm not a sourpuss."

To his relief Luca had reached the terrace the slow way, and was dancing his way back towards them. It would take some time. Somebody next to them hooted, and Daniel joined in, giving Ramon the possibility to retreat back to his table in the corner of the patio. He scolded himself for having come up here with the other two. He hated places like this one, why did he let himself be convinced? He watched as Daniel turned in every direction, scouting the crowd. An involuntary smile crept over Ramon's lips when Daniel's entire face lit up as he finally saw Ramon, and waved joyfully in his direction.

It was a stupid question. Of course he knew why he had come. And it made it all so much worse.

"I'm serious!" Daniel said, and leant over the table. His cup was now completely empty but he still carried it around. He had lost his hat somewhere, and the whisps of his hair danced in the wind. His eyes sparkled, and Ramon could have drowned in them. "You have to live a little! We survived the season, this shit-caked, terrible no-good season! The evil is defeated! We're free!"

Ramon laughed. He did not feel free. Or as if he had defeated the evil. Daniel misread his smile, and clapped him on the shoulder.

"That's what I'm talking about! Come on, we're going to get you someone!"

Ramon's smile faltered. "Daniel, no…"

It was futile, Daniel turned around, and looked over the rows of people dancing in their snow boots. "Anyone caught your fancy?"

"No, I don't want…"

"You know what, I'm going to choose for you. Your taste is terrible anyway." He danced out of Ramon's reach, and was soon swallowed by the mass of bodies. To Ramon's immense relief he returned not long after without anyone in tow, though that relief disappeared when he plopped down next to Ramon on the worn-out bench.

"I've got one!" he yelled over the music, and pointed somewhere. Ramon had no idea who he meant. Before Daniel could clarify though, Luca was at their table, and he was in a hurry.

"It's coming!" he shouted. "Listen!"

Daniel frowned for a second, then he understood. He jumped up, and turned towards the DJ. All arms except Ramon's shot up, and they yelled together with the rest of the hundreds of people: "I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!"

Luca jeered. "My season sucked so much ass!" he yelled, and disappeared again.

"See?" Daniel asked Ramon, and sat down again. "That's how you say goodbye to a season like ours. Okay, now!" He wrapped one arm around Ramon's shoulders and pulled him closer. With the other hand he pointed towards a group of people hanging around a set of bar tables. "Guy in the grey-blue jacket over there. Orange goggles around the neck. See him?"

Ramon nodded even though he barely knew which side was up anymore; he was definitely not able to pick a person out of a crowd. Daniel's arm around his neck, the weight and warmth on his body, was all he could perceive.

"He's cute, right?" Daniel asked, and smiled at him so encouragingly that Ramon's heart clenched. "Okay, what are you going to say to him?"

It was Ramon's cue to say something but nothing came to mind. "Ahm…" he stuttered.

Daniel rolled his eyes, and took his arm off Ramon's shoulders. "No!" he said, and shook his head. In that moment, Luca returned with another two bottles of white wine.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, and filled Daniel's cup.

"I'm trying to get Ramon a guy," Daniel explained, and downed half of his cup in one swig.

"Really? Him?"

"Hey!" Ramon exclaimed. He knew they were both drunk but that did not mean that they could just do or say whatever.

"No, no, you're right," Daniel said, and turned to Ramon. "Your problem is that you're just so profoundly awkward."

Ramon pressed his lips together, the blood rushing in his ears as Daniel delved into a lengthy lecture about flirting and first steps, supported and interrupted at times by Luca. He knew he was awkward, and not as cool as the rest of the team. He had always been like that. He also knew that he better not hold his breath for Daniel to ever return his crush.

It still stung a little bit.

Daniel was still talking, not just with his mouth but with his hands, and his entire body. Ramon smiled at him, even though he still did not hear one word. It was enough to have his undivided attention for once, even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

Sometimes, in his dreams, Ramon confessed everything, all the feelings he had for him.

"Another trick to get closer is with your phone," Daniel continued unperturbed, and waved his in front of their faces. "Like, you could of course just ask for the number. But you could also suggest a picture, tell him it's for the memories, and then when you've taken it…" He put his arm around Ramon's shoulder once more and snapped a selfie, "…he hopefully asks if he could have it too, and then you exchange numbers. It's a bit more elegant, if you ask me."

He mustered the picture of the two of them for a second. Even three sheets to the wind, unshaved and in his sweaty race clothes, Daniel looked like a super model.

Ramon threw him a lopsided grin. "Wow, you're photogenic."

Daniel frowned, and shrugged pensively. "I don't know…"

"That's more something to say on your second date," Luca threw in.

Daniel nodded. "Exactly. He could misunderstand it, and think you're making fun of him."

Ramon sighed, and grabbed Daniel's cup of wine. He needed it because it was in that moment that the guy finally realised Daniel's and Luca's constant stares.

"He's coming over!" Luca hissed joyfully, as if Ramon and Daniel were blind.

Ramon wanted to crawl under the table but he was pinned between the railing and Daniel, and could not move out of the way. He felt his traitorous cheeks flush pink with every step the guy came closer. Daniel's smile was annoyingly smug as he looked up at the stranger.

The guy smiled, revealing a pair of dimples in his cheeks. "Hi," he began. "Mind if I ask a dumb question?"

Daniel elbowed Ramon but he did not care, and kept his lips pressed together, though he could not keep a nod from escaping.

The guy smiled down at him. "Aren't you on the same team as the guy that won the big globe? I'm a really big fan of him."

[the-irishboyy-18]

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[tastefullyoffensive]

(via AwkwardR)

[awkwardgtace]

I would like real life to stop for like a day so I can go back to writing. Every time I'm like yes i will take a break and work on the alien size shifters story something else fuckin goes wrong and I can't focus

[amdusiaxxx-blog]

my sugar glider will be named bucket

and my chinchilla will be named tibs.　

[zero00430]

@mimoooty​ @delusionsofmike​ @cosplayangels​ @steampunkculture​ @lightofthefirefly​ @oragala​ @awkwardrant​ @hugedork​ @fyeahdresdenfiles-blog​ @flaxcat-blog​ @fuckyeahx-men-blog​ @captain-fur​

[the-irishboyy-18]

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@queenchristelle18​ @thebluedawns​ @igorsteinturpin​ @xxmayavrahami​ @longtimeisis​ @offvogue​ @head-over-heels-blog​ @queenjodi567-blog​ @caitlinmcl​ @myplessurebeauty​ @camren-au-larry​ @vintagefad​ @its-my-littlebut​ @5h-always​ @lauriana-forever-shippasss-blog​ @hella-grounder​ @laurianashipaaasss​ @deliaarodrigues​ @pinkbiebs-blog​ @laurenmichellejaureguilove-blog​ @yourlaurenlove​ @hayhaylay​ @just-breathe-and-let-it-go-x​ @larahpayne​ @endicott-bravery​ @joofarc​ @buterraaa​ @harryandlouisfuckokbye​ @camsssscabelooo​ @onedirection029-blog​ @palmtrees-aye​ @erianagrendeyyylove​ @allegra15​ @liampayne029​ @arianashippersss​ @sunakonakaharaaa​ @sadspirit-s-blog​ @isbrea-liom-tu​ @100percentmalikk​ @50-shades-of-weirdness​ @maybewecouldbeenough​ @convincibly​ @arianagrandeyyy-blog-blog-b-blog​ @larrybeliever17black​ @sheeran-ships-larry​ @softforhanbin​ @serenaferla​ @rittis21​ @queersimonlewis​ @lustredreams​ @hereforlouis​ @jauuregui-blog​ @sscarletwidow​ @michmik​ @boybandershavenosecrets​ @themooninmydisgrace​ @alessiaim​ @leearnah-blog​ @laughregui​ @cupcakecuddlebuddle​ @omgmally​ @nefferadenile25-blog​ @j-m-cee​ @itsyada-unicorn​ @awkwardrealities​ @louistomlinsonnnnn​ @itsallaboutthebuttsex​ @unicornshouse-blog​ @ungeduldig​ @filipasantos111​ @theneonnationnn-blog-blog​ @the-ocean-was-in-her-eyes​ @albina211-blog​ @whenwewobblewithit​ @suicidaltomlinson​ @xdemonlouie​ @novoiceonlyskin​ @aloof-idk​

2020 Rау-Bаn charitable-sale. All styles sunglasses only sale$24.99! We will contribution profits 50% as child's education fund.Every purchase is your support for charity, thank you!

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[awkwardgtace]

I want to not be sick anymore. Or have a giant show up and start taking care of me

Mostly want my headache gone so I can look at google drive to edit the story i finished last week

[awkwardgtace]

Fun fact programmers are dumb i am one and bad at communicating the people on my project

Suffice to say I'm annoyed and gonna find an oc ask game cause these people man these people.

[awkwardgtace]

been trying to decide important things and wound up finding the new west side story movie and had thoughts cause ofc main guy was called tall.

what if it was like giants and humans fighting instead of the gangs from the actual story. Although minigiant and human might make more sense, but either way yes. west side story but gt. just like things the same but less racist and other fucky bits and just size difference gangs.

i might just mean gt romeo and juliet but musical

[awkwardgtace]

Vampire Lore Cause Why Not

retractable fangs

turns to ash in sunlight

heightened senses like all of them, maybe even more sensitive to touch

immortal

cold

no heartbeat

doesn't breathe

increased speed and strength

can move silently, like borrowers/tinies cannot hear them coming

eyes keep their original color, but glow/turn red when using vamp powers

their blood is a different shade of red and thicker consistency. can be used to break out of certain instincts

reflection is blurry and almost gone, still there a bit

sunrise knocks them out as if they're dead

sunset they have to be awake and stay awake for the night no choice

can turn into bats

anything they hold as a bat just sort of poofs until they turn back

can do like hypnosis magic to be forgotten/lure others

can heal their own wounds by licking them. not other's wounds

An exception on wound healing, their bites heal even if the person dies from being drained. They can't leave evidence

Vampires have a bit of like natural charm going on that makes them look human to nonvampires. When someone turns it goes away and vampires are obvious to them. It's just a kind of they look like a predator just a natural instinct in humans/nonvampire creatures.

Delphia was turned by a like ancient vampire who was kind of a first of their kind and it gave her powers similar to him that other vampires don't have. If she turns anyone they'll get it too so vamp society is possessive and protective of her

There is a kind of draw to perfect matches/mates for vampires. The one who turned Delphia felt it and she didn't until meeting Alessia and Ash at the same time.

[awkwardgtace]

If i get bored and made memes about my ocs should i post them (it hasn't happened yet today but it might later who knows)

I'll take it as a yes if you like this so you don't have to reblog or do much to interact i know I'm always nervous about that lol

[awkwardgtace]

Been thinking lots about vampire Delphia again. I think I'm gonna write her past out (meaning i am) probs not much gt but ya know sometimes that happens lol

[awkwardgtace]

I think i need to make hurt no comfort ocs. I thought about it before but I'm starting to think I'm good at thinking of ways things go too far lol.

[awkwardgtace]

I'm writing something that is a bit angsty for Mira and Corus og verse. Before i do that I'm gonna drop some lore on Mira's home and how she grew up. Should have that together later today unless work picks up lol