#aw shucks op
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A googly-eyed santa solo cup, an excitable diet pepsi glass, ✨Quelf Antics✨, a mini binder that I was surprised to see had actual mini three hole punched paper produced for it, Andes' awesome customized lamp, and a beautiful "heavy equipment" photography calendar from '98 that I totally bought and is now hanging in my living room next to another novelty out-of-date calendar. Goodwill in Exton Pa 💜💜💜💜💜
#thrifting#shiftythrifting#submission#this tag goes out to the mods thank you for running an amazing blog!!!!!!!! from submitter#lamps#1998 was a good year for heavy equipment#aw shucks op#housewares#googly eyes
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SCREAMING........ i didn't even advertise (like make a post on here about it) the other smutfic i put up on the fanfic site and it somehow is still getting views.... people are still horny for Guz.ma in the year 2024 god bless i am not the only one
#AND IT GOT A KUDOS??? DAMN#aw geez... well shucks.... im plum pleased about that.... LMAO#placeholder op tag
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deja vu - part three
planning out your road trip through the pacific northwest, you find yourself inexplicably drawn to the town of gravity falls.
little did you know that this town held more memories than you could have possibly imagined.
too bad you didn't remember any of them.
stan x fem!reader/ford x fem!reader
tag list: @awitchersbard / @theilluminatidragonqueen / @jazzypop-op/ @maryclanders/ @chaimshelii/@starship606/ @swimmingrascalbatdragon / @stanfordsbaby / @gxstiess / @skrunkle11 / @valinbean / @funkyenby / @therealgoofygoober69 / @theblueraven / @adrian920155 / @im-kinda-bored / @miarabanana / @uwauiss / @leo4242564 / @doggosnoodles12 / @soupieoopieisloopie / @zhungxi / @bandaids-n-porcelain / @marvelous-maniac / @opossumclown / @m4x-3dw / @nothingbutcloud / @reivelmin / @grimometry / @walmartjim / @adelezzxd / @reiofsuns2001 / @bunni-teeth81 / @marshnest / @satorisgirl / @symphology / @pen900 / @sometimesminsan / @creat0r-cat / @lackingoriginalthoughts / @fries11 / @sunniskyies
choose your own ending / contains fluff and angst (w/ happy ending)
part two | part four
The three of you sat in the impressive living room, Ford and you sitting on the couch while Fiddleford lounges in the loveseat, his feet propped up on the coffee table.
“You were able to sell those patents to the government and that’s how you got this place!” You say in glee, your lips spread into an excited smile, “I told you your inventions were going to get you places, Fiddleford!”
“Aw shucks, you flatter me too much. Glad this noggin of mine finally got put to good use!” Fiddleford said bashfully, knocking on his skull, “So Stanford told me you got a job in the National Parks! Find any gold while surveying?”
“No gold yet but I’ve found a few gemstones that I ended up pocketing instead of just documenting them.” You admitted with a sly smile.
The two of you laughed and chatted like time had never passed. Meanwhile, Ford watched with a wistful smile, wishing to hear you be just as comfortable with him as you once were. Though in the back of his head, he recognized that once your memories return, you may never want to speak to him again.
“Ford, what did you end up doing after all these years? I’m sure something exciting with 12 PhDs.” You ask with a curious tilt to your head. You tried to loop him back into the conversation, feeling guilty that you and Fiddleford had spent most of this time catching up with one another with Ford sitting there observing quietly.
“Oh… well..” Ford stammered, caught off guard by the question. He glanced over at Fiddleford who gave him a sympathetic look before giving a nod of encouragement, “I decided to study anomalies with my grant money. Gravity Falls is actually chalk full of them, hence why I ended up here. Fiddleford actually came out here from Palo Alto to help me with my research.”
“Really? I’m surprised we didn’t meet when I had visited him years ago but you must have been busy with your research, right?” You question, not knowing the weight of the situation that you had left years ago. Ford and Fiddleford exchanged tense glances which caused you to sit up right, “Is.. everything okay?”
-
The previous evening, Ford had decided to give Fiddleford a call preemptively before bringing you over to get some answers of his own.
After the second ring, Ford heard a “Yello?” from his old friend and sighed, trying to keep his composure. He was ready to start a tirade of questions but he attempted to remain cool, not wanting to alienate his friend that he just got back.
He didn’t want to go in blind with the assumption that Fiddleford’s memory erasing gun was the cause of your memory loss, when there could be a laundry list of potential conditions you may have that could have caused this amnesia.
“Sorry to disturb you at such a late hour, Fiddleford. I have some news that can’t wait until the morning.” Ford says, leaning against the wall while twirling the cord of the phone in between his fingers.
“Sure, what is it, pal? I’ve been working on a new patent so I need a break anyways,” Fiddleford says on the other end, removing his green glasses and moving to the rocking chair in the corner of the room.
“Well, do you remember Y/N? Our friend from Backupsmore and my… ex-lover.” Ford hesitates during the last part.
Ford hears a hitch in his friend’s voice along with shuffling on the other end before hearing a response, “Yes, I remember her.”
Ford inhales sharply before letting out a deep sigh, “Well, she’s in Gravity Falls. My brother stumbled upon her after her car broke down in the woods and brought her back to the Mystery Shack.”
“W-Well, isn’t that exciting. We should catch up, shouldn’t we?” Fiddleford says with an anxious edge to his voice.
“Fiddleford…” Ford’s voice is stiff as his worst fears feel like they are already confirmed, “Why does she not remember me?”
Apologies spill from Fiddleford, the anxiety in his voice mounting, “I-I’m so sorry, Stanford. At the time, I thought it was the only way we were going to get through everything we saw, everything we experienced.”
Ford swallowed the lump in his throat, not knowing whether to comfort his friend or to lash out on him for doing such a thing. Hearing those words was like swallowing a bitter pill. He remained silent, letting Fiddleford ramble on to get more details.
“She came to me in tears… she just kept saying over and over that she wanted the pain to go away.” Fiddleford explained, beginning to pace around the space.
“So you just took her memories, just like that? Specifically her memories of me? Because she remembers you just fine!” Ford’s frustration finally comes out. His right hand balled into a fist, his left clutching the phone tightly.
Fiddleford winces at the harshness in Ford’s voice, memories of their last fight flashing back but he knows he has to face it rather than running away like he did all those years. He takes a deep breath before sighing, “Stanford, she asked me to erase her memories.”
Ford feels his heart drop and his stomach in knots, almost dropping the phone.
Is this what heartbreak felt like?
Why would you want to forget him?
Was what he did all those years ago so horrible that you wanted to erase his very existence from your mind?
Ford struggled to find the words but was able to muster out, “It’s… not your fault, Fiddleford. It’s mine. I put you both through hell during my quest for knowledge.”
Fiddleford paused before responding back shakily, “You don’t need to keep apologizing, friend. Bring her over tomorrow, hopefully we can jog her memory.”
Ford let out a sigh, “Alright, also if you have literally anything from our time from college, please retrieve it to show it to her. That’s what helped bring back Stanley’s memories - any physical reminder of the memories.”
They both said their good nights before hanging up the phone. Ford slides against the wall in defeat, reaching up to run a hand over his face underneath his glasses before pausing as he feels the wetness against his eyes.
He hadn’t even registered the tears that began to prick the inner corners of his eyes.
-
Fiddleford gets up from his seat, excusing himself abruptly to retrieve something in the other room. Your question remains unanswered and hangs in the air as Ford refuses to meet your gaze, seemingly invested in the stray thread on his sweater.
“Something must have happened when I was out here all those years ago…” You mutter, staring down at your feet, “It affected us, didn’t it? Whatever we were…” You trail off. You had put some of the pieces together that your relationship with Ford prior must have carried a heavy history.
Ford continues to play with the thread, the silence slowly eating away at him before he finally responds, “It did. Not only you and I but my friendship with Fiddleford as well.” He wrapped the thread around his index finger, “It might come as a surprise, but Fiddleford and I just rekindled our friendship this past summer.”
Before you can reply, Fiddleford comes back into the room, holding a cardboard box in his bandaged hands. He unceremoniously dumps it onto the table before flopping back down onto his chair. His light-hearted demeanor had shifted to one of anxiety.
“Listen, Y/N… I have to admit something to you that you might not like… ah jeez..” Fiddleford stumbles over his words, craving an escape from this situation.
“Whatever it is, as long as it gets me closer to understanding what’s going on, I promise I won’t be upset at you.” You try to reassure your friend, looking over to Ford to help back you up. Ford’s gaze softened, nodding in understanding, “It’s going to be alright, Fiddleford.”
Fiddleford feels comfort in his close friends’ reassurance, taking a deep breath before rambling out an explanation that’s barely coherent, wanting to get it off his chest immediately, “I created an invention that wipes people’s specific memories called the Memory Gun! I even used it on myself and my mind was gone for decades. Basically I erased your memories all those years ago and that’s why you don’t remember Stanford! There I said it!”
Ford winces at his friend’s delivery, realizing maybe he should have taken the lead to reveal this information to you in a more tactful way.
Your eyes darted between Ford and Fiddleford, letting out a nervous chuckle, “Real funny guys… did you two plan this prank over the phone last night?” The story presented to you seems preposterous, out of a science fiction novel.
However, when Ford and Fiddleford stare back at you with solemn gazes, you realize that this story is the truth.
It explained the gaps of time during your time in college that you could not recall.
It explained the dreams you had every night of a person that you could never see the face of.
Your memories of Stanford had been somehow wiped from your brain.
You sit there, processing this information in silence. Fiddleford almost seems like he’s bracing for impact, ready for you to lash out at him for doing such a thing. Ford sits rigid beside you before getting up suddenly. Both you and Fiddleford look up in confusion as he reaches into the box that Fiddleford placed on the table.
His fingers pluck out what seems to be a photo and walks over to you. His warm, calloused hand brushes against yours, placing it into your hands. Staring down at it, you see younger versions of yourself, Ford and Fiddleford.
Ford was decked out in a doctoral graduation cap and gown that swallowed up his frame, a wide grin spread across his cheeks. He had his arm around Fiddleford’s shoulder, who wore a green button up shirt, brown slacks and a pair of cowboy boots. In his hands he held a sign that said ‘10 Doctorates Down, 2 More to Go’. You were wearing a flowy dress and were on Ford’s left side, his six fingers holding you by the waist.
“This was taken on one of my many graduation days, you and Fiddleford attended every single one and were cheering me on in the crowd.” Ford explains, beckoning Fiddleford to come over and look at the photo. Fiddleford hesitantly gets up from his chair, sitting next to you.
“Listen, I know you may have a lot of questions about how this even happened. I promise that in time, Fiddleford and I will tell you everything that led up to the erasure of your memories. But you need the rest of your memories for any of this to make sense.” Ford says, staring into your eyes and resting a hand on your shoulder.
His mantra after Bill wreaked havoc in his life had been Trust No One.
Yet he asks you to do the one thing that he could not do back then, “Can you please trust us?”
A mixture of emotions - confusion, hurt, anger - ran through you and you weren’t sure which one to listen to. As you looked back down at the photo, your thumb ran over where Ford was, covering up his face. Without him there, the image looked… empty.
You look up at Ford, “I’m trusting you and Fiddleford… I want to get my memories back.” You pause before continuing your statement, “How I feel about the both of you after I get them back, we’ll have to wait and see.”
Ford nods in understanding, knowing that you rightfully had your guard up. Fiddleford breathes a sigh of relief, still feeling the need to apologize, “I’m really sorry for putting you in this predicament, Y/N… I hope you’ll forgive me.” You stare at your old friend, knowing from experience that this man had a heart of gold. As confused as you were, you try to believe that Fiddleford had to have done it for some good reason.
You quickly envelop Fiddleford into a tight hug, squeezing him tightly. He squeaks in surprise and you mutter, “Whatever the reason you erased my memories is…I know you have a good heart. I’ll forgive you, Fiddleford.” You feel his flimsy arms return the embrace, and you two sit there for a bit before pulling apart.
“Alrighty then, let’s get those memories back!” Fiddleford says, getting up and rummaging through the box to retrieve a textbook that spelled out ‘Quantum Mechanics.’
You all collectively shuddered at the sight of it, groaning in unison, “Ugh, quantum mechanics” before bursting out into laughter at your shared reaction.
“Dear god, that class was terrible! Not because of the content but our professor!” Ford groaned, “I swear he spent more time teaching us about his conspiracy theories than actually covering the equations needed for our assignments.”
“Stanford, I think you might be the only one who actually enjoyed the content of it, me and Y/N were ready to pull our hair out every single class.” Fiddleford chuckled before passing the textbook over to you.
You look down at it, brushing off the dust. A wave of nostalgia hits you as you flip through the pages, remembering the sensation of your cheek being pressed against those pages before jolting up, trying to wipe off the stray drool that had accumulated on the corner of your lip. You had fallen asleep in class again, a gentle hand shaking you awake.
You pause before staring up at the both of them, “Oh my god, I think I remember something.”
“You would wake me up whenever I’d fall asleep in lecture, Ford.” You say, the memory coming back to you with more clarity, “I always nodded off in that class since it was 8 AM and I usually stayed up the night before studying for exams.”
Ford and Fiddleford both look at each other before grinning widely. “It’s starting to work!” Fiddleford says excitedly, ready to fish out another object out of the box.
“Jeez, how much stuff do you have in here?” You chuckle, getting up from your seat to crowd around the box. Your eyes scan through the assortment of objects - old textbooks from physics and mathematics courses, decor from Backupsmore and a few older photos strewn about.
“I didn’t realize you kept all these things from college, Fiddleford.” Ford says, following behind you. “I didn’t either, guess I lost track of where everything was after my mind got scrambled. Tate found most of this stuff in a box that I apparently had stashed underneath my cot when I was living at the shack.” Fiddleford chuckled, scratching the back of his head.
The three of you spent the next hours sifting through the contents of the box and with each item plucked from the box, a memory from college returned as you pieced together the fragmented slivers in your mind. Some memories did not come as quickly, causing you some frustration but you put them to the side, cataloging it for later.
Soon the sunlight that leaked through the windows began to turn into a warm orange, signaling the sunset approaching. Ford had tried to hide an embarrassing photo from you and Fiddleford which resulted in you trying to wrestle it out of his hand playfully. You ended up snagging it from his six-fingered hold after he got flustered when you started getting closer to him, practically on his lap, to try and retrieve it.
The last photo was a polaroid of Ford with his face buried into your neck, a few beer bottles littered around him. Fiddleford was clearly holding the camera, his thumb sticking out in the foreground in a thumbs up. ‘Happy 21st, S.’ was scrawled out at the bottom, slightly faded over time.
“You were a light-weight, weren’t you?” You say cheekily to which Ford crosses his arms in protest, “It was my first time drinking, what did you expect?”
Fiddleford watched contently before seeing the sunset start to creep in, “Aw shucks, the sun’s about to set. Ya’ll should head out before it gets too dark. I know this one isn’t the best at driving in the dark.” He said, jerking a thumb over at Ford.
“I didn’t realize this was a gang-up on Stanford Pines session.” Ford huffed, getting up from his seat on the floor. You follow suit, grabbing the stack of photos that had piled up and placing them in the box before asking Fiddleford, “Mind if I take the box with me, Fiddleford? I’m hoping the more I look at them, more memories will pop up.”
Fiddleford nods eagerly, “Absolutely, Stanford can give you my number if you have any questions for me. I’m sure you’ll have a ton… after you get all your memories back.” He trails off, knowing the journey ahead to recovering your memories may come with some mixed emotions.
You give Fiddleford another tight parting hug, squeezing him almost like you may not see him again. You follow Ford out, placing the box carefully into the back seat of the red convertible before driving back down the hill.
You spent most of the drive taking in the sight of the golden hues over the lush forest. Occasionally, Ford uses his peripheral vision to take a glance at you, seeing how the gemstone around your neck glows against the sunlight.
You catch him glancing once and he quickly shifts his focus back on the road, his chest puffing and his posture stiff. Your lips curl in amusement at how he tries but fails to be subtle. It’s quite charming - you were starting to see how you fell for him in the first place. “So… our relationship clearly wasn’t platonic, was it?” You ask suddenly.
Ford almost swerves off the side of the road at your question, quickly straightening his wheel as your hand reaches for the grab handle. “I didn’t realize you had put that together already..” Ford stammered before apologizing for his driving.
“Even if none of my memories had come back today, it’s pretty easy to pick up from the photos, especially the last one.” You chuckled softly before pausing. You mull over what to say next before finally speaking up, “I’m guessing we… didn’t end on the best terms, did we?”
Ford’s fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter, his expression tense. He looked defeated - weighed down by the weight of the negative effects that his desperate chase for knowledge had on his loved ones.
Stanley, Fiddleford, you.
Ford lets out a heavy sigh, “No, we didn’t… and it is my fault. I was on this never-ending journey trying to prove my worth but in the process, I pushed away those who saw my worth just the way I was.” He looks out into the horizon, seeing the sun begin to disappear between the Floating Cliffs. “If you will allow me, I really hope I get the chance to undo my mistakes and mend our relationship… just like Fiddleford and I have.” His eyes meet yours and your expression looks conflicted… almost like you can still feel the remnants of pain that he had caused all those years ago.
“Listen, Ford… I would like to start on the path of healing what happened in the past but I just got back memories from college. I am sure there’s a few more years of history up ahead… one step at a time, okay?” You explain, wanting to level his expectations. Ford nods in understanding, giving you a sad smile, “Understood, apologies for getting ahead of myself.”
As you made your way back down the winding hills, you both sat in silence the rest of the way back to the Mystery Shack. Pulling in front of the cabin, Ford shifts the car into park and clears his throat, catching your attention, “You aren’t planning on leaving tomorrow, correct? Stanley had mentioned that you had a whole trip up to Seattle ahead of you.”
You stare deadpan over at him, “Ford, I literally was just told today that a good chunk of my memories are gone. Do you really think I’m worried about my trip?” You say with an eyebrow raised. Ford blinks at your response before rubbing the back of your neck, “That’s very true, I just want to make sure I wasn’t holding you hostage in figuring this out.”
You shrug casually, “Unfortunately, I can’t just pick up and leave knowing I don’t have a good chunk of my memories.” You smile, despite everything, you were grateful for this unexpected detour. You got to reconnect with an old friend, still got to enjoy some beautiful scenery and the free lodging didn’t hurt. “Besides, Gravity Falls seems like it has its own charms I can appreciate. I’m curious about the anomalies you came out here to study - everything seems pretty normal other than those floating cliffs we passed on the way down.”
A spark lights up in Ford’s eyes the moment you mentioned anomalies, seeing him grin in absolute glee. “Well, there’s a whole bunch out there, the Floating Cliffs is truly only scratching the surface of what oddities this place has to offer. I would love to take you anomaly hunting some time. Obviously nothing too intense, I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.” He realized what he had just said and began to stammer, backtracking his offer, “B-But only if you’re comfortable with that, of course.”
You giggle at his awkward charm, “I would like that. Maybe tomorrow?”
Before Ford can reply, both of you are startled by the sudden rapping of knuckles on the glass of the driver’s side window. You quickly whip your heads to see Mabel grinning, her braces on full display as she stares at the two of you through the glass. Ford rolls down the window, “Mabel, how long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough,” Mabel says before whipping out her phone to reveal a slightly blurry photo of you and Ford smiling at one another from an awkward angle, “to take this photo!” Ford blinks, his eyes adjusting to look at the photo before staring at it perplexed, “I still don’t quite understand how this small contraption holds a camera in it.”
You laugh at Ford’s statement, leaning over his shoulder to take a look at the photo, “What, you don’t know how a cell phone works? Are you sure I'm the one who had their memories wiped?” Ford’s cheeks feel warm as he can feel the heat and weight of your body pressed against his back, “Great photo, Mabel. How was the roller rink?” You quickly change the subject, starting to pick up on Mabel’s matchmaking tactics.
“It was great! My friends, Grenda and Candy, and I had a slurpee chugging contest to see who could get brain freeze the fastest!” Mabel explained excitedly. “I’d love to hear more about it, how about we head inside?” You say before pulling away from Ford to exit the car and follow Mabel back into the Mystery Shack.
Ford sat there in disbelief, his brain short circuiting over how your body felt against him as well as the prospect of going on a pseudo-date with you, before resting his head directly on the steering wheel, the horn echoing through the forest. You look back in alarm and glance over at Mabel, “Uh, is your Grunkle okay?”
Mabel looks back and shrugs, as if it’s a common occurrence, “Probably, Dipper does that too against the wall when he’s overthinking something.”
You sat on the floor of the living room, listening to Mabel excitedly tell you about her adventures with her friends with Ford joining shortly after his malfunction in the car.
Dipper came downstairs, having spent most of the day reading over a strategy guide for Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons that he wanted to go over with Ford, which led Mabel to recount her day again to the new audience member.
“So, Y/N, was the trip to see Old Man McGucket a success? Did you get some of your memories back?” Dipper asks. You blink before realizing he’s referring to Fiddleford, nodding in response. “Yeah, thankfully, he had some stuff from your Grunkle Ford and I’s time at Backupsmore that helped jog some memories. Not 100% there but we’re getting there.” You share, “We actually brought some of it home to help continue to jog my memories.”
“Wait, are there photos? I wanna see young Grunkle Ford and Old Man McGucket! Grunkle Ford lore!” Mabel asks excitedly. You turn to Ford who seems reluctant to share with the kids, “Well, up to you if you wanna show them.” Ford hesitates for a second but the moment he sees Mabel flash the dangerous puppy dog eyes that Stanley warned him about, he’s easily persuaded, “Alright, I’ll go get the box.”
You spend the rest of the evening showing the twins memories from the past with Ford filling in some of the gaps you couldn’t quite remember still. Dipper and Mabel laugh at the sight of Fiddleford with a horseshoe mustache with Ford insisting that it was in fashion at the time. You smile at the sight of the family bonding before realizing a member was missing.
“Hey Dipper, is your Grunkle Stan not back yet? It’s getting a bit late.” You ask suddenly. Dipper takes a moment before snapping his fingers, “He mentioned something about not waiting up for him. He didn’t say where he was going, just said he was gonna be out late.” You look over to Ford who simply shrugs, “My brother is one of the toughest people I know, throws a mean left hook. He’ll be fine.” Based on everyone’s nonchalant reactions, you decide to trust that this was a normal occurrence.
The night ends with Mabel gushing over the polaroid that she found of you both, leading Ford to chase her around the Shack trying to retrieve it from her. Dipper and you doubled in laughter, watching the antics unfold.
Ford ended up stuffing it in his pocket, wanting to have at least one piece of your shared history to hold onto himself.
-
He wasn’t in bed… again.
You wake up yet again to the left side of the bed empty, the sheets feeling cold to the touch. The moon barely seeps light through the triangle shaped window, allowing your eyes to adjust quickly to the sight. Your eyes glance out the window. The forest is dusted white, snow coating the treetops and causing the glass to frost.
You begin what felt like a nightly routine at this time, sliding out of the bed. Your eyes are still heavy with sleep, rubbing them roughly. You slide on your slippers and make your way to the basement.
At this point, you don’t even need a light to guide the way, navigating through the dark cabin with ease. The wind howls harshly outside, its echo traveling through the quiet house.
You finally arrive, shuddering at the sudden temperature drop from the upstairs to the basement. You push open the metal door. The lab is quite messy, sticky notes with equations plastered all over and triangle-shaped figures littered around it. You see the familiar figure, frenetically writing in the red journal in front of him as the metal door creeks to signal your presence.
“Ford?” You call out, walking towards him, “Are you alright?” You ask, something felt off with the way he was acting as you walked in. Even when he would reach a breakthrough in his research, he would jot notes down with a quick yet methodical manner. Just glancing over his shoulder, the writing looked messy & chaotic compared to his neat cursive.
You placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to halt his actions. His hand reached up, placing it atop yours.
However, rather than stroking the back of your hand like he normally would, he gripped it tightly, causing you to wince in response.
“Ow, Ford, what the hell?” You mutter, trying to shake your hand loose.
The grip only tightened as Ford’s head turned, bright yellow eyes staring back at you.
“Well, well, well, nice to finally meet you, Y/N.”
You jolt awake, a thin sheen of cold sweat coating your body. Your heart practically jumps out of your throat as you look around frantically. For what, you’re not sure but your body goes into fight or flight, tossing the blankets off. The air around you feels thick and the room feels like it's closing in on you.
Your feet move automatically, rushing quickly out of the room and ascending up to where the attic floor is. You make your way down the hallway, slipping past Dipper and Mabel’s room to a hatch in the ceiling. You tug on the rope that dangles from the handle, opening it to reveal a set of stairs. You make your way up them before pushing a door that brings you to the rooftop ledge.
A gust of fresh air hits your face and you finally feel like you can breathe as you take a seat on the ledge. Placing a hand over your chest, you attempt to slow down your breath, inhaling through your nostrils and exhaling through your mouth. After finally grounding yourself, you stare up at the night sky, trying to make sense of what you just dreamt.
That was clearly a memory but why was Ford acting that way?
Why did it terrify you to the core, a knot in your stomach as you remember the yellow hue in his eyes?
Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of car tires running over the lawn. You look down to see your car with its bright headlights illuminating the bottom of the Mystery Shack before shutting off. Stan steps out of the car, wearing all black attire and a set of black gloves, whistling nonchalantly as he makes his way to the trunk to pull out the car battery.
He hasn’t noticed your presence yet so you decide to call out, “Late night, huh?”
“Hot belgian waffles!” Stan semi-curses, almost dropping the car battery on his foot as he whips his head around before staring up to see you sitting on the rooftop in your pajamas. “How the hell did you get up there? Why are you even up there, it’s like 2 AM?”
“Did you really just say hot belgian waffles?” You can’t help but say with a tired grin, Stan’s antics taking your mind off your anxiety attack. “Had a bad dream, needed some fresh air… somehow I remembered how to get up here, my memory’s starting to come back somehow.”
“I try not to swear in front of the kids, come up with whatever euphemism rolls off the tongue.” Stan says with a shrug, “Guess today was a success, mind if I join ya? I can never fall asleep right away, got too much adrenaline in my system.”
“Sounds like you had a wild night, you sure you just got my car battery?” You chuckle before nodding at Stan’s question, “Go ahead, I could use the company.”
Stan makes his way back into the Mystery Shack, putting the battery near his toolbox to work on tomorrow before trekking up the stairs. He winces, his back aching as he makes his way up the stairs, cradling his lower back, “Jeez, I should really install one of those stair lifts at this point.”
“I don’t think you’re quite that old to justify having one of those.” You grin, scooting over for Stan to have a seat next to you, both of your legs dangling off the ledge. “If I did, Mabel would probably just put Waddles on it and have him ride up and down the stairs the whole day.” Stan chuckled.
“So any new embarrassing stories about my brother I should know about?” Stan asked out of curiosity. Despite them spending the whole past year catching up, there were still parts of Ford’s life that were still a mystery to Stan. Almost 40 years of their lives and they had just scratched the surface.
“Well, I learned he drank about 3 beers on his 21st birthday and was pretty much on the verge of passing out.” You shared, tapping your chin, “He also got into an argument with a professor when they asked him to write his papers in print instead of cursive.” Stan chortles, “Yeah, that sounds like Ford alright. I got to see how much of a lightweight he is this past year. I had to carry him back to the boat after we had a couple of drinks at a bar near the dock.”
You laugh, hearing that time had not changed much in that aspect. “I’m sure there’s more. College is a lot more clearer but everything after that is still a blur.” You trail off, still having mixed emotions about it.
Stan shifts slightly before speaking up, “Hey, uh…I’m guessing you found out that you got your memories erased, right?” You nod, eyebrow raised in confusion at how Stan knows this.
“Well, from one person who had their memories erased to another, don’t be too hard on yourself when you can’t remember. I swear there’s still stuff that the kids will tell me that takes me a minute to recall. Sometimes I don’t even remember and just try to play it off so they don’t worry.” Stan offers in a sympathetic tone.
“Jeez, Fiddleford used the Memory Gun on you too? How many people has he used it on?” You say in surprise, even more confused than you were earlier about the whole situation.
Stan sees your state of disbelief and chuckles, “I had the same look on my face when my brother roped me into all this. Ford’s actually the one who used it on me… it’s a long story but the point being is that, you’re gonna find out a lot of things that are gonna confuse the hell out of you. You’re also going to remember… a lot of painful memories.”
“My brother and I seem close now but we weren’t talking for years… and I had to relive and relearn all of that when getting my memories back. It sucked, it felt like I was being punched in the gut every time.” Stan sighs before smiling sadly, “I’m sure you’re gonna feel the same way… I don’t know what exactly happened between you and my brother but I know Ford’s gonna try whatever it takes to make things right by you.”
“Thanks, Stan. I appreciate it, makes me feel less guilty for not remembering everything.” You say with an appreciative smile before shivering slightly at the sudden breeze that picks up. Stan notices this and shrugs off his leather jacket. Shaking your head in protest, you’re quickly silenced as Stan places it on your shoulders.
You bring the material close to your frame, feeling how warm it is from Stan’s body heat. “Thanks again, I’m really looking forward to getting my memories back..." You glance at your car, a reminder of your original plans for the summer. "Well, guess I gotta return all that camping gear I bought.” You chuckle, gesturing towards the camping gear mounted to the top of your car.
Stan looks at the gear and then back at you before offering, “Why not just go camping out here? There’s a campground like half an hour away we could set up at - I’m sure the kids would love to tag along too, they’ve been itching to do stuff while they’re here for the summer.”
“Like all of us go? You think Ford would be up for that?” You ask, actually liking the idea of camping with the Pines family instead of going solo.
“If he gets to spend time with you, yeah, he’ll go.” Stan scoffs.
You pause before grinning, “Guess we should start planning.”
#gravity falls#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls fanfiction#stanley pines x reader#stan pines x reader#stan pines x you#stanford x reader#ford pines x reader#stanford pines#stanley pines#ford pines
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So, since Smosh fans are targeting Damien, despite him being the only Smosh member who talked about Palestine, are they gonna have the same energy with people like Shayne, Courtney, Amanda, etc, who never ONCE spoke up about the Palestine situation? Are they gonna hold the rest of Smosh accountable for not using their platform to spread awareness like Damien did?
There's something very backwards about Damien taking the heat when he's the single person who's been remotely talking about Palestine while everyone just kinda didn't even try?
Linking this ask to this because it somewhat sums up my thoughts on the whole ordeal so far.
This whole fandom has a problem of bias with Smosh cast members and their overall silence on Palestine.
It’s easier to just antagonize/dogpile on Noah being in a video since he happened to be the loudest about it back in October, and make him the big Zionist villain of Smosh while most/all cast members have been radio silent on the issue at best.
I’m almost absolutely sure if we repeatedly pressured Smosh every video, every stream, they’d actively DO SOMETHING about it, or at the very least address it.
It’s far easier on us, the collective, to go “aw shucks Noah’s in this one, best skip it” than to boycott, and continue to pressure. I know we can, see the response to making sword AF audio only.
I’m almost just as sure that there has to be some Zionism going upwards of executive at Smosh and Pressalike, tangentially. They were quick as hell to be vocal about BLM in 2020, I can’t help but wonder why the silence now.
This is a self report too. We need to continue to boycott, protest, and rightfully call out creators with a platform when they say some sus shit.
But Twitter has a MASSIVE atmosphere of polarization, and almost never allows for any sort of walkback or nuance of an interaction/reaction to be brought into the conversation. The OP is valid for being upset about the joke and how Damien handled his apology. Damien is valid for wanting a break from social media after the backlash. It’s better than him continuing to argue with fans on the internet and doubling down.
Anyways yeah, free Palestine, fuck twitter, but also giving my regards to the OP and hoping that their family gets to a safe situation and that Israel can be launched into the sun.
#smosh#damien haas#noah grossman#free palestine#it’s easy to be parasocial abt this all and defend our faves but also#think about who’s in the position of privilege and power here
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Clark Kent is raised in Kansas, right? Which means that in addition to having his "awe shucks" farmboy manners, he also has MIDWEST manners.
And the rest of the JLA being aliens, gods, or city folk, just keep misinterpreting why Superman is Like That.
He tries to sneak past The Flash in a hallway and says "ope" when they run into each other. Wally assumes it is a Kryptonian apology.
He spends 20 minutes talking to Green Lantern at the end of a meeting while they are both standing next to a door. John assumes it is because Clark is so traumatized about being orphaned, he can not bear to say goodbye to anyone. He's never seen a Midwest Goodbye in action.
#clark kent#superman#wally west#the flash#john stewart#green lantern#jla#superman headcanons#jla headcanon#incorrect dc headcanons#midwest#ope#dc
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tagged by @swordsmans! thank you gyro
fun fact: all of my op fics are all titled "op, op 2, op 3, op 4, op 5, etc." in my folder but i know exactly what each file is. surprising no one there are some zolu seasonings sprinkled in. welcome to flavor town.
a vote for any one of these is a vote for me to watch more one piece because for 90% i need some of the post-timeskip context. [kicks can down the sidewalk and keeps glancing back] aw shucks huh
tagging @lookforanewangle, @loopeyfluff @bluewonderer and @beck-a-leck aaanddd whoever else wants to!
#can't believe i gotta ... watch more one piece ... really sucks huh man ...#swinging a bat that says zolu as i come after zolu with a baseball bat#i'd joke that most of my fics are just me 1v1'ing zoro in a denny's parking lot but that would land me in the hospital#and i don't think my insurance covers that#also gyro i lied technically there are 8 not 7!#kate blabs
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Your words for these grandpas seriously make me cry T_T it;s all so wonderfully soft or in character and makes sense and it warms my heart thank you op. What do you think their favorite activities to do together are??
aw shucks thank you anon ...
as a group of all three I feel like they're inclined to just do something that doesn't require too much thinking. when bubby has both his boyfriends together that's bubby time. some good ol' r&r
and by r&r I totally mean binge horror movies and/or give bubby an excuse to get as much physical and emotional attention as possible
it also gives coomer and gman a nice gateway to gang up on him and flirt and tease the poor bastard till he starts feeling funny and can't really speak right. it's enriching and very important for the wellbeing of your old men
plus, after they finally relent it gives bubby the great experience of being sandwiched between his two babes while he's sleeping. gives him a nice sense of comfort
oh and they like to do crimes a lot. gman organizes and instructs while bubby and coomer are on the scene
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[Image Description: A screenshot of a comment thread under an instagram post.
The first comment reads: "can i get him pregnant"
The OP then replies to this comment: "hi thank you so much for the question!!! No"
The commenter then responds to the OP: "aw shucks"
End ID.]
#This was under artwork of an angel with a sheep (or maybe goat not sure) head having a crisis of faith#Based off of the artists religious trauma#this one is my tag#Shitpost#Instagram screenshot#Instagram#Tw pregnancy mention#Mildly nsft
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Awww, this is so cute! Glenn Kessler's aw-shucks fact thingy stares adoringly up at a mythical creature -- Trump, the Truth-Teller -- to, um, make sense in a senseless world?
Here's the sense: Project 2025 is real. Trump and his surrogates are known for sending up trial balloons on anti-American policies like Project 2025. They lie low until the furor dies down, and then, they pounce -- with a superficially-altered version of the policy that so alarmed, you know, humankind.
So it will be with Project 2025. That proposal reflects Trumps true intentions toward the economy AND the notion of income equality.
Let's not get disingenuous.
As for the rest, Trump said what he said. When the media blew up his Russia quote, he did not venture forth to meekly offer context.
He said what he said, and he meant what he said.
A fact-check should not be an op-ed piece. What a shameful and spectacular failure.
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Gdi your kisses series is so hot, good job op!!
aw shucks !!! <3 thank you !!! (❁´◡`❁)
#yumi got asked stuff#anon#feels weird to be called op in an ask ngl#but its fine its just kinda funny sdfsgdfgh
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Giving You All The Flowers
Still replacing Smurfette
You waved goodbye to Handy Smurf as you held your picnic basket in your arm.
"Hey Y/n!"
You look to who was talking to you, to see Hefty who was carrying a dumbbell in both of his hands. "Oh, Hi Hefty."
"Um.. What are you doing?"
You looked to the basket in your arms and back at Hefty. "Nothing?"
"Uhuh.. What's with the basket?"
You hid the basket behind you. "What basket?"
"Okay, so you're not acting weird at all," he side eyes you, as you whistle while walking past him.
"Well, I should get going. Bye Hefty."
He watched you walk away, looking awfully suspicious. Hefty found Brainy, who was trying to convince some of the Smurfs to listen to him.
"Brainy."
Brainy Smurf turns around, frowning at Brainy. "What do you need Hefty?"
"Did you see Y/n acting weird?"
"Now that you mention it..... No." Brainy rolls his eyes while shaking his head.
"Okay, I'll figure it out myself."
You looked around, making sure no one was watching you, before setting out your blanket. You place down your basket, and lay on the blanket, the sun shinning in your face. You sighed, before sitting back up. You whistled and snapped your fingers together, before attracting a shy squirrel.
You looked into the basket, and pulled out some fruit. "Here little guy." You handed him some of the fruit and awwed when he nibbled on it.
Though before you could continue, a certain smurf came running in and tripping on your blanket and scarring your squirrel friend.
"Clumsy.." You crossed your arms, looking down at Clumsy.
"Ops... Shucks, sorry about that Y/n Smurf..."
"What are you doing?"
"I- Well- Um, actually... I don't know?"
You huff sitting down, "Well there goes my perfect picnic..."
"Oh, I'm sorry about that Y/n. Do you- uh.. Do you want well me to stay with you?"
You looked at your basket, before sighing, "You might as well.. Hate for this food to go to waste. Baker Smurf wouldn't like that."
"Wow, great." Clumsy grabs a sandwich from the basket and eats away, while you lay on the blanket. "So, Y/n Smurf, what were you doing out here."
"Oh, it's nothing."
"If you say so Y/n."
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BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up
Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.
Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ・◡・) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.
so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that
good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler
bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one
good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao
bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god
(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.
but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)
anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today
huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on
look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months
anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol
yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all
still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol
(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)
anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol
aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting
buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy
wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on
damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo
I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol
uh oh but wait
um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do
holy shit
so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol
and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young
anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this
LMAO
someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol
(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)
anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about
oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man
now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse
OH MY GOD
YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO
lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art
anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces
lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off
he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today
on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose
YESSSSSSS
OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on
YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU
lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking
but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it
also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad
YESSSSSSSSSSS
DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO
AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH
p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f
UCK
NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE
fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god
WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK
WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck
-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT
bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now
my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them
how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what
(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)
Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment
on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao
anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that
and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob
#bnha 315#overhaul#chisaki kai#lady nagant#midoriya izuku#all for one#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
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Thanks :D
Really, the issue here can be put up to amatonormativity, if we're honest with each other (as a fandom). The idea of romance as the ultimate and most important dynamic a character can attain. It's... not great. In fact it's unhealthy, imo. Going to the point where the only thing that matter is a romantic relationship is... eeeehhh. Sketch. It's sketchy.
“Steddie this, Stancy that” “Ronance supremacy” WHY DO THEY NEED LOVE INTERESTS??? why can’t Steve and Robin be each other’s person? why can’t they just be besties and check out hot girls together? why can’t Robin have an unproblematic side-romance with Vicky and tease Steve about his failed romantic exploits? why can’t Steve be a hot single mom of 7? like, enjoy your ships, but why do they need canon romantic plot lines that just create unnecessary conflict?
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I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.
Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.
This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.
There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.
First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.
What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post
In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.
However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.
However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.
On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.
Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.
Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist.
Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.
Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.
My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.
If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!
How we react
This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.
The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.
No.
Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld.
Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!!
Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.
This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.
It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise.
We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.
When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.
Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people).
We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time.
And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done.
The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook.
There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that.
The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.
Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.
I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop.
So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.
Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:
How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)
So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins
I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)
#cw racism#acotar#acosf#acotar fandom#fandom wank#fandom things#this is the long post i mentioned earlier#i will link it in my meta post
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i have never seen you draw ponies and i saw the iasip ponies and i was like "wait who is the op. oh my god it's the jayce sandwich person"
this is a good thing btw you draw ponies really well
OMG?? i need to change that, lps and ponies were like my Brand for the longest time
also you know me as the jayce sandwich person,,,, aw shucks,,,,
#danswers#i mean that’s literally my icon but like… still ☺️#ive been pondering mlp arcane since day 1 but tbh pcktknife did a great job with their au#i mean ekko is a dragon for goodness sake. a DRAGON!#highly recommend lemme see if i can find it
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Okay but tattoo artist skinny Steve and big buff military girlfriend Peggy who lets him practice his stencils and piercings on her (since they heal) and occasionally a tattoo that can be covered up easily. Celebrating the release of her contract and her going civilian life by doing something that covers her forearm, making sure they can't take her back again.
Steve would be the most amazing tattoo artist, OP.
- -
One of the most common questions they got asked was how did they meet because no one in their right mind would think that the skinny, award-winning tattoo artist would be dating someone in the military.
Not that Steve nor Peggy ever seemed to give any fucks what someone had to say on their relationships.
Steve adored his girlfriend and wouldn’t change anything in the world about her. He knew her mother disagreed on them dating, it changed from week to week what exactly she was pissed about. This week it was the fact he had ‘a face full of holes’, last week it was the fact he was a Yank, the week before last she complained about how he didn’t have a ‘real’ job.
The list went on and on, to the point they had a running bet on what would be said in this weekly phone call about him. There was a board up in his apartment with tally marks for which complaint it was. Whichever one reached five complaints, Peggy got a new tattoo.
Little did her mother or many people knew, she had a few tattoos all over her body. Easy ones that could be covered up in her uniform. There was the watercolor butterfly on her left shoulder, the very first one Steve had done. The second one he’d done was a cartoon, baby elephant on her left calf. The last one was a small outline of a red heart just behind her left ear.
That was in combination with a few piercings that had been long healed by now, most in her ear, and the most recent was a piercing through her nipple. That one he’d been worried about, not wanting to harm her in any way and worried about infection but Peggy promised she’d been fine.
After it had been over and she’d safely taken them out so the holes could heal, Peggy had mentioned wanting to get them again when she was out of the military.
“I want something special,” Peggy sighed, flipping through Steve’s art book for the thousandth time that evening while he cleaned up his area. Being one of the last few people to leave and lock up the shop, he got the pleasure of taking it slow while Peggy lounged about for the evening.
“I don’t get it,” Dugan said from the couch, “What’s the big deal about this tattoo, Carter? It's no different from your other ones.”
“No different from my other ones?” Peggy turned to face him, clicking Steve’s book close and facing the man with the burly mustache. “This tattoo will be dedicated to my freedom from the military, Dugan. It will mean everything to me and be a symbol that I will not be under those assholes' thumbs anymore. I want something that will show that I’m free,”
“You sound like you’re overthinking this. C’mon, all you gotta do is just choose anyone from Steve’s book. They’re all amazing and you won’t regret any of them - not when Steve’s doing it. You didn’t regret your nipples being pierced.”
Peggy rolled her eyes and threw a pillow from the chair beside her at Dugan’s face. “That was done in private, peeper, and because Steve wanted some practice on his piercings. That’s different. This is...”
“Symbolic,” Steve mused from the doorway, tossing his gloves in the trash. “Completly different and if Pegs wants to think about it for a while, Dugan, she can. My chair is always open for her.”
“Aw, shucks. That’s so sweet of yall to be sickenly, disgustingly lovely dovey sweet in my face,” Dugan gagged, catching the coat Steve threw in his direction. “Guess you’re just gonna have to think about it real hard then, Pegs. In the meantime, you two lovebirds have fun and no doing it in the office.”
“Pig,” Peggy muttered, rolling her eyes as the door swung shut behind Dugan. She snatched up her jacket and pulled the collar up against the strong winds outside. “But he’s our pig, gotta say the bastard has grown on me - all of the guys have.”
“They wear down on you over time, trust me,” Steve laughed, snatching the keys up and following Peggy out. The wind was something fierce, nearly blowing them out of his hand as he locked up the tattoo shop and took Peggy’s hand. “Let’s go get dinner. We don’t even have to think about tattoo ideas.”
“We don’t have to but y’know next week...” Peggy sighed as Steve cut her off with a kiss, by standing on his toes to reach her. “Alright, alright, you’re right. It’ll come to me. I’m just overthinking it - not that I’m going to admit that Dugan or Barnes is right.”
--
Two weeks later: 2:14 am
Steve groaned as his phone was vibrating, slapping his hand over it to turn the damn thing off. It wasn’t time to get up yet. The sun wasn’t up and -
There it was, going off again. He sighed as he answered the phone, frowning at Peggy’s number. She was at work - what the hell would she want at 2:15 in the morning. Fuck - he hoped everything was okay.
“Pegs?” Steve’s voice was muffled with sleep, barely able to keep his eyes open. “What’s going on, are you-”
“I figured out what I wanted, Stevie!” She sounded breathless, breathless, and excited, but overall okay. He felt a bit of relief at knowing she was okay.
“Wanted what? For breakfast - thought we agreed on French Toast from that little French Cafe?”
Peggy’s snort is all he needed to know that was the wrong answer.
“No, no, darling - damn, did I wake you up? I didn’t see the time, I was just so excited to tell you. I’ll let you go get some sleep.”
“Hang on, Pegs.” Steve groaned as he sat up, using the headboard to support himself. “It’s okay. I’m more awake now. Y’know me - can’t go back to sleep once I’m up. What were you talkin’ about? Your tattoo?”
“Oh, sweetie...” Her soft coo at him made his heart flutter. “I know you can sleep anywhere, but if you insist... Yes, my tattoo. I figured out what I want. I couldn’t wait to tell you - I wanted you to be the first one to hear and I want to get it done right away.”
He yawned into the crook of his arm, letting his head rest against the headboard, and hummed at her sweet voice and how excited she was. He could listen to her ramble on about anything for ages. Steve just smiled at her excited voice, listening to her ramble about what tattoos she wanted and wherein what exact position. Then giving him free liberty to fix it up. He promised to sketch them tomorrow, in between clients.
“Right away, then. I can do it tomorrow, once the shops closed. That’ll give us plenty of time. You get your papers... and...and-” He stopped to let out a larger yawn, muttering an apology. “And it’ll be healed by the time your mother comes to visit.”
“And the pierced nipples?” Peggy hummed, hearing Steve choke on his breath out of astonishment. “Think those would be healed too?”
“I-I...” He had to clear his throat, feeling his face growing warm. “If we can get her to push back another week, then they’ll be perfectly healed.”
“Great!” He could practically hear her grin. “Then we’ll do just that. I’ll see you tomorrow, darling. I’m sorry to wake you up - I love you.”
--
“Well,” Peggy sighed, throwing herself onto the couch and throwing her feet on Bucky’s lap. “Good news and bad news or just good news, depending on how you look at it.”
Steve frowned as he sat his charcoal piece down, scrubbing at the spot between his eyes. He left a smudge of charcoal on his skin. “What happened?”
He was already rounding the counter, looking over her, but Peggy looked to be in fine. Her face flushed from the wind, but she didn’t look to be too upset.
He knelt down by her side, ignoring Bucky’s idiotic lovey-dovey look shot in his direction as he took her cold hands. “Christ, you’re cold!”
“Well, you’d be cold too if you were on the phone with your mother for the past three hours.” She squeezed at his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.
“Is that where you were?” Bucky scoffed, patting her ankle. “I swear, if I had to hear that one gripe and whine one more minute with worry about where you were, I was going to put out a missing person flyer myself.”
“I was worried!” Steve shot back, his ears turning a shade of red. “You weren’t answering my calls and I see why now. So, what happened? What did she say now?”
“You were worried about me? Darling...” Peggy’s tongue clicked on the roof of her mouth, pulling Steve down for a kiss. She ignored Bucky’s active gagging, shooting him the bird. Cupping his jawline, she chuckled at Steve’s flushed face. “That’s sweet that you were worried about me, darling, but I’m fine. Better than fine - now we don’t get to worry about how long it’ll take me to heal from everything.”
At Steve’s pinched brow of worry, she sighed and patted his cheek. “I called my mother to celebrate the good news that I am a free woman and she decided in her 5-minute ramble about how me joining was a mistake, to begin with, and now that I’m free, I can come back home and meet Fred - some stockbroker whose family knows my family. She just conveniently forgot that I was dating you! I told her that I’m on my way to your shop and she went into another rant about how trashy tattoos and piercings were.”
Peggy rolled her eyes at her mother’s words echoing in her head, Steve looking none-too-happy about what Amanda had said. Neither of them was surprised, Amanda had said much worse, but this was still annoying.
“Regardless,” she continued, “I got annoyed at her little speeches and told her I was coming in to get my celebratory tattoo and she told me that I’m no longer welcomed home if I have a tattoo. A tattoo of all things. I told her I guess I’m not always welcomed home since I already have a few. She didn’t like that answer, so she hung up on me. I’m pretty sure she’s going around, calling me a whore.”
Steve rolled his eyes and squeezed Peggy’s hand again, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Your mother is something else.”
“I’d like a few words with me,” Bucky muttered, “And I haven’t even had the pleasure of talking to her, just listening to you two talk about her.”
Sitting up, she patted Bucky’s arm. “You’re telling me. So, darling, did you get any time to work on the ideas?”
A spark shined in Steve’s baby blues as he ran around the counter and grabbed at his sketchbook. He carefully passed it over to her, cramming himself into the space between Bucky and Peggy. “I’ve been working on it for the past few hours - several designs, actually.”
“And he wouldn’t let me see it,” Bucky grumbled, already trying to peer over Steve at the notebook. He grunted at the elbow to his ribcage. “What was the other good news, Carter? Your mother never wants you around and?”
“Oh, I’m free from the military!” Peggy grinned, waving the notebook in Bucky’s face and snatching it away before Bucky could grab at it. “I’d say, all in all, it’s a good day. Now, let’s see what you did, Stevie.”
--
It might’ve taken several hours but at the end of the day, of a very, very long session, Steve had finally declared their session finished.
“You can look in the mirror now,” Steve murmured, dragging the mirror over to the table and helping her sit up. “I think it looks beautiful, not to toot my own horn.”
Steve frowned when Peggy had remained quiet, watching her standing in front of the mirror and twisting her tattooed thigh and arm, this way and that.
Peggy’s idea had been utterly perfect and Steve had only added his own natural touch, with her permission.
Starting on her right mid-calf was a series of elegant, delicate vines. Vines that slowly swirled encased her entire leg and thigh, branching off to display various, beautiful flowers done in delicate watercolors. Flowers that included roses, lilies, lilacs, hydrangeas, orchids, the list simply growing as the vines grew and encased the right rise of her torso, shoulder, and down her arm.
It stopped just at her wrist, where the vines wrapped around a rusted compass. The words my true north was seen in between the vines.
“Oh Steven, I-I...I love you.” Peggy covered her mouth, trying to stop the small hiccup of tears. “It’s more...its beautiful, Steven. Even more so than what I could ever imagine.”
#Steggy#StevePeggy#Steve Rogers#Peggy Carter#Steve x PEggy#I hope this is as beautiful as I think it is#I tried so hard to capture the vines in my head but I feel like I failed
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