#avoiding ones that i enjoy because my brain makes me somehow afraid of them

[eksperimentgaj]

My recent state can only be described as 'samonapędzające się koło spierdolenia'

[cherriegyuu]

memories of us | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader - soulmate!au summary: every night seokmin dreams of his past lifes, when he met and fell for his soulmate countless times. genre: fluff, angst word count: 11.9k warnings: reader has really low self esteem a/n: this is not, in any way, connected to elevator. both stories are centered around soulmates, however the rules are different. in elevator people carry marks that vanish from their bodies once they meet their soulmate, here is the bond is created by eye contact. i hope you enjoy it :)

Today, when I woke up, the first thing I thought about was you, but that’s not something new. You’re always the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last one before I go to sleep. My mind is consumed by thoughts of you the entire day. There’s not a single minute when you don’t make your presence noticed,  even if you’re not really here by my side. The funny thing is that I haven’t met you yet and somehow you are the only one in my mind. 

I started to dream of you when I was sixteen. At the time I had no idea of what was going on, I didn’t know what Memorous were, and I couldn’t even phantom why I was dreaming of an older version of myself. I was young and the naive teenager version of me thought that it was something everyone goes through. Ah, maybe these are memories from my past lives. I was right about that part, but I didn’t know the length of what was going on with me. 

It was only a month later when I told anyone about it. Because those dreams were something no one ever mentioned around me before, so I was afraid to speak about them. What if, because of those dreams, people started to label me as a freak? I had already a very negative reputation, so to say, I didn’t want to make it worse. When I finally mustered the courage to talk to someone about it, I figured that I should tell my mom about it. She was a mother, my mom, and like all moms she would probably know what to do. 

She didn’t. 

For a while, she just sat there and stared at me, not like I was a freak but as if I had become a stranger. I was no longer Lee Seokmin, her eldest son who on most days seemed like the youngest. I saw her eyes change that day, from a mother who loved her son to a woman who didn’t know who the boy in front of her was.  

It was also the first time that someone told me that I was cursed.  

None of us could be sure whether I was cursed or not, but she said it with so much belief that I knew that it had to be true. 

I don’t think I have ever felt so alone. Before my mother said those words to me, those words that would be forever stuck in my brain, you are cursed, Seokmin, and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that, I used to be normal - or as normal as a sixteen-year-old hyperactive boy could be. But the second those words were uttered, released into the world, something inside me changed.   

I think that the best way to describe it would be a click, I felt a click inside my heart. There’s no other word I could use to describe it. 

After everything that happened in the span of minutes, I changed. I started to be more restricted, no one else in the world knew about the dreams or about me being a Memorous. My circle of friends got smaller and smaller. What if, by accident, I told one of them something about the dreams, about you? That couldn’t happen. 

In reality, I didn’t have many friends. You know, the kind you tell secrets to and are really close to. Those were the kinds of people that I wanted to avoid at all costs. I wasn’t a loner, though. I had people I could hang out with, people that I would go to a bar or a club with, but I liked to be alone. 

It’s weird, isn’t it? I had friends but I wasn’t actually friends with any of them. I wasn’t a loner but the thing I enjoyed the most was being alone. 

When I turned eighteen and high school was finally over, I moved away from home. For two years I saved every cent that I could, my main goal was to just leave. I studied my eyes off in school so I could get into a university that was as far away as possible from home. I needed to get a scholarship so I wouldn’t need to ask for help from my parents. 

Doing those two things made me feel somewhat proud of myself. It was like I was telling them see just because you think I’m cursed doesn’t mean that I can’t do what I want. 

 Let me explain to you how the dreams work: every night I dream of you, no exception but every night is a different life. 

This is how Memorous must live. I remember every single thing about our past lives, all the details that people usually forget about their lives. I remember them, more or less. I know what you were wearing on April 18th, 1811; I know what was the first word you said to me in Madrid, it was a curse by the way; the first time we bonded.  

Sometimes it feels so real that I think if I look by my side, I’ll see you there. That couldn’t be true, I haven’t seen you in this lifetime - I would never be able to let you go if I had. 

There’s a trick about being a Memorous though. Once I fall asleep and dream of a different life everything I dreamed the night before vanishes and I can’t remember anything. At first, I thought that it happened like that because sometimes we forget about the dreams we have. It was as if it simply vanished from my mind, and I could only remember it when I dreamt of the same life again. It’s like a selective memory kind of thing. 

You know, the feeling of a dream being so real that you could either wake up in panic or just really happy and satisfied? 

For me, every dream was like that. If I held your hand in my dream, when I woke up I would still get the feel of your skin against mine; if we fought for whatever reason I would still feel the sadness and the anger lingering in my body. 

When I understood what was happening, I started to write down the dreams, every little detail that I could remember. Slowly I started to find a pattern in the dreams, slowly I learned to tell the lives apart and so I started notebooks. It’s a little weird, I know, but I had to keep track of our lives. Maybe, at some level, you might think that I’m crazy or that I’m a stalker. But could it be considered stalking when it’s my own life? 

I can’t wait to meet you.  Although I haven’t actually met you or even seen you this time around, I feel like I have known you all my life. Is this the feeling we’ll get when we finally meet, this feeling of fullness? 

I wonder if you feel that too. 

Out of all our lives together I have a favorite one. I mean, it is expected, isn’t it? After such a long time of living countless lives, every day being a different person - although I’m ultimately the same - we are bound to have a favorite one. 

If I do say so myself that life is very much Shakespearean. Okay, so imagine this: two families who were very powerful but were opposites and hated each other with a burning passion. And there you have it. Sounds very much like Romeo and Juliet, doesn’t it? Maybe if it happened a couple hundred years earlier, in England, then maybe I could say that we actually inspired him, but we happened far too late. 

You know, I still remember the first time I saw you that time around. I think that maybe that bond was the strongest one we’ve had, probably because we were supposed to hate each other. The idea of an unexpected bond between two opposite families is kind of thrilling, isn’t it? 

We met at a party. Because our families couldn’t even stand to be in the same space together, mostly our dads - why is it always the dads though? -, they send you and me to represent the families. As you can probably imagine, we had no idea of what the other person looked like. 

So, there I was walking inside this immense ballroom, and you were the first person I saw. Looking at you I just knew that you were out of place, that kind of environment wasn’t one you felt comfortable in. At that point, you weren’t looking at me but when you finally did, it was like the entire world stopped. I felt my heart thump inside my chest, but I could feel you too. I saw as you went wide-eyed. You took a step closer to me but then, realizing what you did, you took a couple of steps back. For the entire night, we didn’t approach each other but my eyes never left yours, as yours never left mine. 

We followed each other through the night.  I got angry, really angry, when someone wanted to talk to me because all I wanted to do was look at you. Whenever my feelings changed, I would feel yours changing too. You felt mostly curiosity. How could this man, someone you had never seen before, catch your attention in such a way that you couldn’t look at anything or anyone else? 

Back then it wasn’t like today, you know. The bond happened more quietly, or maybe we only thought it did. Though the bond is something that has been around since the beginning of time, we only found out about it much later in life. I suppose that back then we still didn’t know much about it. Maybe the change everyone felt around a couple that was bonding was there but because we didn’t know what it was supposed to be we just overlooked it. 

Back to the story. 

You were the first one to make a move to leave but I couldn’t let you go, no way. I followed you out and much to my own surprise you were waiting for me, because somehow you knew that I had to go after you. We didn’t say much, just promised to meet each other a couple of days later. 

From that moment on, things took off, or as much as you could possibly expect from a couple in the early nineteen century. We would always meet each other. Everything was exciting because no one could know about what we were doing. Besides the whole ‘my family hates yours’ problem that we had, there was also the problem that both of us were promised to other people. You were supposed to marry a young Duque and I had to marry the daughter of a rich family. If we were against it before, imagine what it was like after we found out about how we felt for each other. 

Our happiness didn’t last very long. We were careless and, although we were trying to hide it, we weren’t as stealthy about it as we liked to imagine. 

It’s needless to say that when our families found out they were far from happy. They didn’t try to kill us or anything that dramatic, but they started to rush things. Your marriage that was supposed to happen only a year later was set to two weeks later; mine was happening in a few days. Of course, neither of us accepted that. 

On the night before my wedding, I felt something trying to pull me. It was like my legs were moving on their own and I saw myself walking out of the house and into the city. I found you there, all alone in the middle of the street, staring at the church I was supposed to get married in. I realized then that the sadness I felt was only partially mine, a lot of it was coming from you. I didn’t really understand how it was possible for me to feel everything that you were feeling but I knew that there wasn’t another explanation for it. 

You couldn’t control your emotions and tears were running down your cheeks, you tried hard to push them aside, but it was of no use. The more you tried to make the tears stop the more they fell. I couldn’t control myself by then. You were afraid when my arm went around you but once you knew that it was me you turned in my arms. The tears that ran down your face were no longer out of pain and hurt, they were because we were finally reunited. 

We ran away. We didn’t take anything with us. There was no time to go home and get clothes, or say goodbye. We were sure that if we were together then everything would be alright. Because we had each other nothing in the world nothing could hurt us. 

That's… that’s as far as the dreams go. I’d like to think that we had a happy ending. 

 Two years into college I finally understood what my mom meant when she said that I am cursed. 

You see, the dreams I have at night are just fragments, tiny little pieces of an entire puzzle. I could only see a day or a week, at most. But the thing is that I only saw us young, meeting, starting the bond, falling in love. Not once did my dreams show us a little older, getting married, having kids, or even if things didn’t work between us. I never dreamed of those things. 

At first, my guess was that the dreams were trying to show me a way to get to you, find you in a world that’s filled with billions of people. That wasn’t the case. 

One night I dreamed of you dying. I woke up in despair. Instead of the sweet dreams, filled with warm touches and whispered words, I faced images of you surrounded by blood, a lifeless body in my arms. 

For a while I wanted to make myself believe that it was just a nightmare, that it would eventually go away but I knew it wasn’t that simple, nothing ever is. 

I kept seeing the same thing for days and every day it got worse and worse. It got to the point where I stopped sleeping at all. Every time I closed my eyes I could see your body on the ground, eyes wide open. I knew that it wasn’t true, but I felt like you were looking at me, like you blamed me for your death. 

I searched it up. If the same thing happened to other Memorous I wanted to know how to make it stop, if I could even do something like that. From task number one I had problems. 

For one, Memorous doesn’t like to be clear about it, we are heavily judged by it because no one understands what it is like to be one. Most people just think that we are making a fuss over nothing, that knowing what your soulmate looks like, what that person likes and dislikes makes it much easier to find the person you are supposed to bond with. What they don’t know is that, like everyone else in the world, people’s taste, personalities and all else changes. In one of your lives, you were a dancer, the stage was your home, and being watched by people was something you thrived off of but in the next one you were a shy girl who couldn’t bear the thought of people looking at her (this actually happened, just so you know). 

Second, there aren’t many Memorous in the world. We are considered an anomaly, there are very few of us. I believe that we will only be able to understand why we are born this way when a scientist is born as a Memorous. 

But not everything is a lost hope! God bless the people who aren’t scared to share their stories because they want to help other people. I found this post, on a very weird and hard to find website, saying that there is a way to break this ‘curse’. That’s the good news. The bad news is that it’s not up to us to end the cycle. Well, technically it is but it’s not a choice that we can make. It’s confusing, I know. 

Apparently, the only way for us to stay together for a long time is if both of us are born Memorous, meaning that you and I must know our past lives. The one who wrote the post was a young boy, claiming that it was his grandparents’ story and that both of them were still alive and fine. 

It’s not much but at least it’s something. I can’t help but wonder if this time around you already know who I am. 

I saw you today, or at the very least I thought that I did. I looked at my right and you were right there! Your eyes went anywhere but me, it was like you were purposely trying to avoid me. I went after you, called after you (even though I don’t know what you’re called in this life). It seemed that you were running away from me, though I’m sure that wasn’t the case. How could you run from someone you don’t know? 

On days like this, I think I’m starting to lose my mind. The dreams are starting to feel more real than ever, and I don’t know what to do. Is it because we are getting closer to each other? Maybe we are in the same city? I hope so. 

I’ve hoping for something, just a tiny signal, for the longest time. Was today it? I think about seeing you, how the dreams are now just a repeat of all the first meetings before, how every day when I wake up I have a feeling inside my heart telling me that we are getting closer to each other. 

Are we? Does this mean that we are getting closer? 

Maybe this is the universe’s way of letting us know. Because our lives, all of them, have been so messed up that this is fate’s way of apologizing for all the crap that it put us through. 

I’m going to find you soon. Hopefully, wherever you are you’re also looking for me and that will probably make our lives that much easier. 

You closed the journal and put it aside. You managed to hold yourself back while reading, you didn’t want the tears in the back of your eyes to fall on the pages, the precious pages that told your story through Seokmin’s eyes. 

It had been hard to come to terms with the idea, the fact, that he was your soulmate but over the years you became more and more used to it. Your lives were too different, your backgrounds complete opposites, and yet - somehow - you were it for each other. 

The first time you saw him on TV, you clearly remembered how you felt. It was as if someone had just punched you in the chest. On the other side of the tiny screen was the boy - now the man - you had been dreaming about for years of your life. You never thought that you would find him, especially so soon but then again if you thought about all your dreams, both of you seemed young - maybe even younger than your 25 years. 

You stayed away from the TV for about a month after that, but you knew that it wouldn’t last much longer than that. The entire time Seokmin was in the back of your mind, always making sure that you wouldn’t forget him. That was simply something that would never happen, you forgetting about him - even if that was one of the many things that you wanted to do. Eventually, you found yourself turning the TV on again, watching every single program, every video, and buying any magazine that featured him. 

Thinking back at it, you felt sort of stupid for doing those things and not just trying to look for him. You were right, your soulmate was Seokmin but your own insecurities were holding you back. Out of everything you had, there was one problem you considered to be major: you had nothing to offer him. 

You were the kid no one wanted, the kid that had been tossed into an orphanage at the age of eight, and no one had gone back to take claim. Like a monkey on a tree, you moved from house to house without a chance of staying, even the prospect of making friends didn’t exist. 

Growing up you always dreamed of meeting your soulmate, imagined the way you would finally meet the other person. In your mind you were always the hotshot, someone who could make anything happen with a simple word. As you got older you wanted to just live a decent life but all you had was a shitty rented apartment in a sketchy area of the city, a shower that didn’t run with hot water, and were living paycheck by paycheck. 

That wasn’t the life you wanted, it was a life that you were almost embarrassed over. How could you ever share a life with someone when you could hardly sustain yourself? That wasn’t possible. 

But then it happened. You got dragged by your friend to go to the TV station and watched as Seokmin recorded a program. Jun said that he wouldn’t notice you, that you would sit far in the back, and you could put your bangs down and cover your eyes so there wouldn’t be a single chance of the bond happening. 

It was a lie, you knew that. Jun lied straight to your face, and you let yourself fall for it. You couldn’t say no to him, much less to his kids. Hana was so excited about it. Watching Seokmin on TV was her favorite thing in the world, more than dancing or watching cartoons. He’s pretty and funny, my soulmate has to be just like him, she said. It was funny and endearing to watch. Sometimes you just wanted to meet Seokmin because of her, because she was so in love with him. The day you decided to take a step forward was also the day you took eleven steps back. 

“Are excited?” Jun bumped his shoulder into yours and smiled. 

He could be the kind of person your silly heart would fall for if there weren’t any soulmates. Jun was essentially a good person, with a heart made of gold and filled with so much love that his kids would never go a day in life thinking that he didn’t love them. 

“No" yet another lie. 

You were excited, a little too excited. Or maybe your excitement was actually just fear. Fear that the bond might happen, fear that Seokmin would be disappointed in who you were, fear that maybe your dreams would come true. 

“You said that Seokmin is pretty” Hana called out. 

A moment of weakness that you regretted. 

“Handsome, honey. Boys are handsome” 

She repeated the word a few times as if trying to memorize but everyone knew that she would just keep calling boys pretty. 

“Why are you carrying her around like she’s three?” 

Hana sighed and hugged Jun’s neck, her head on his shoulder. 

“I’m daddy’s little girl” 

Jun looked like he was about to cry and Hanbin just groaned, his sister’s act wasn’t something that he was too fond of. You could only smile at them. They were almost too cute for you to handle. 

You were one of the first people to get in so there were still a lot of empty spots to choose from. The second you and Jun started to move towards the back Hanbin and Hana protested.  Of course, they didn’t want to sit in the back. Besides being kids, and too short to be able to see anything, both liked Seokmin so being too far away was not something that they wanted. In the end, you caved. You couldn’t say no to two kids who were doing the puppy eyes at the same time. 

As minutes went by and the studio got filled with people you started to get nervous. You ran your sweaty hands on your jeans trying to get them dry, but it was useless. Every person who walked inside made your heart skip a beat because you thought that it could be him. It never was. The scared part of your brain told you that it was a good thing, that maybe he wouldn’t show up at all, but the other part, the one that wanted to see him in person just once, told you to just wait a little longer because he was going to show. 

You waited, for over an hour and there was no sign of him. You knew that in this kind of event it could take them a while to get everything sorted but you were told that it shouldn’t take long once you all went inside. 

“Stop,” Jun said, his hand on your arm “Don’t overthink it" 

He was smiling at you kindly. It was the kind of smile that was supposed to calm you down and reassure you and yet all it did was make you even more nervous. 

“What if we bond?” 

“Then you’ll deal with it later” 

What if I don’t know how to deal with it? 

When people started to scream you looked up and saw the host walking in. He talked for a couple of minutes, made a few jokes trying to be funny and then he introduced Lee Seokmin, a TV personality. The crowd went crazy, there was a girl behind you screaming so loud that you thought you’d go deft. 

Seokmin walked in, his characteristic smile in place, as he waved at the audience. 

Seeing him in person made the world slow down, even your own heart. Instead of going crazy, your heart nearly stopped, as the sight of Seokmin put you at ease. Your hands were no longer shaking, you didn’t feel like trying to hide yourself anymore. In fact, seeing him made your soul scream at you it’s him, what are you waiting for? Your soul was begging you to go to him. After all, it knew him, because despite being apart for years it recognized him immediately. 

And then Seokmin looked at you. 

His eyes were on yours as he stood frozen there. You could feel him everywhere. He was shocked, surprised, caught off guard, hopeful, and just so happy. His happiness was contagious because inside you felt happy too. You wanted to stand up and hug him, stay as close as possible to him. The fear you felt for years was momentarily forgotten in the back of your mind. 

Your legs moved before you could even realize what you were doing. You stood up and walked to him, stopping only a couple of steps away from him. You felt his heartbeat like it was just under your skin. Being so close to him made your body tingle in the best way possible. Your entire being was begging you to just take another step, just one closer to him, just so you could touch him and feel him all around you. 

When Seokmin moved forward, his hand raised ready to touch you - just like you wanted to do - you took a step back. Suddenly the realization of what could happen came crashing down around you. Your dreams, and images of Seokmin lying lifeless on the floor that had been engraved in your mind were unexpectedly in your eyes. You could see it coming, your downfall, and the things you dreaded the most, happening. 

“I…” 

Seokmin wanted to say something, anything, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to. What words could he possibly profess that would make the fear running through your body go away? 

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this" 

Turning around and walking away from him might have been the hardest thing you ever did. 

You tried your best to keep living normally but it was close to impossible. Every second that went by you were reminded of Seokmin, of the broken look on his face when you walked away, of the way he felt like he had somehow done something wrong. And he felt unloved when it was supposed to be just the other way around. Even before the bond, before you had the chance to look at him in the eyes, you already had feelings for him. Perhaps it was because you knew that you were supposed to love him, you knew that once you met him your feelings would be unstoppable, or it was just because he was charming. 

And just how charming he was. 

You didn’t know one single person who disliked him, someone who would flat-out say that there was nothing good to like about him. Everyone loved Seokmin, his easy smile and friendly eyes pulled everyone in. 

“Until when are you going to keep avoiding him?” 

Jun had become the personification of what was happening inside of you. You wanted to meet Seokmin, desperately. You wanted to find out where he was and just go to him, introduce yourself, and just talk to him. Everything seemed so simple inside your mind, and in Jun’s as well, but it was so far from it. 

“You’re just avoiding it, you know that�� 

“So, what if I am? I’m sorry if I don’t want to see my soulmate die!” 

You weren’t angry at your friend or even Seokmin, as he would feel sometimes. You were just angry at everyone else, at the world, at destiny, at anyone in the world who decided that it was a good idea to make you see your soulmate die every night. 

“I know that, but wouldn’t it be better if you could spend some time with him? Let’s say that you’ll have six months together, that’s it. No more and no less. Don’t you want to be with him for as long as you possibly can instead of keep hiding in here?” Jun moved his hand showing the lounge of his dance school “Think of all your past lives, about how happy you were because you were with Seokmin. In this life too, shouldn’t you be able to feel that kind of happiness?” 

Jun was the only person who knew that you were Memorous and he was also the only person who would say that there was nothing wrong with it. You aren’t cursed. If you ask me, you are one of the lucky ones. I would anything to have more memories with Seol. He was also the kind of friend who wasn’t scared to say that you were messing up your own life, that you were doing something wrong. Most days he would act like the dad you never had. You were grateful for him, for having someone so eager to make sure that you were happy. 

“Here’s a wild scenario” Jun smiled at Hana, who was running to him, as he stood up “Seokmin doesn’t die" 

His words left you speechless as you watched him move away from you. 

When you got home that day Seokmin’s journals were waiting at your doorstep. 

Reading Seokmin’s words was much like reading your own. Since you started to have dreams, you thought that you were the only one who felt like that, like the only one who didn’t have anyone else to run to. Yes, both of your lives were very different, the place both of you came from was also different. But looking at it or wasn’t all that different. 

His words and the way he described his feelings for you were the things that made you take a deep breath and go meet him. 

I know that you are scared, I can feel it but please reconsider it. I’ve been waiting for a moment like this for a very long time and I would like to believe that you have too. I’ll be in the city for a few more days so let’s meet. If you don’t come to me, I will go to you. We can’t run away from this. 

Seokmin. 

Somehow you found yourself getting out of your tiny apartment and going towards Seokmin. You knew just how much he could feel your nervousness and yet he tried to stay calm so you could feel at ease too. The entire time, since you left the TV station, you could feel him in your mind and it was like he was talking to you, trying to convince you to meet or just to be comfortable with the idea of him. 

At times you could swear that he was talking to you, his voice clear in your mind. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry. It was like Seokmin himself could read your thoughts. Of course, there were moments when he would feel that spark of fear, and anxiety but most of the time he was in complete control of his emotions. He was doing that for you, there was no mistake, so you felt childish for being all over the place and guilty for bombarding him with emotions that you couldn’t fully grasp. 

That was one of the many reasons why you decided to go to him. His words had been the main reason, but you also wanted to put your heart in peace. From the second you walked away from him your heart had been heavy. It was the kind of emotion that was impossible to verbalize, the only word that could possibly come to mind was lost. Your heart was lost. You walked around feeling like there was a huge part of you missing, your eyes looked for something, someone, that was never there. 

It was like that until you got his journals. Although you didn’t feel whole you could feel that a little piece of you was back. Perhaps it truly wasn’t a part of you, instead what could be the missing was a piece of you never found before. 

The missing piece had always been Seokmin. 

You stopped in front of his door, your hand closed into a fist just an inch away. 

The truth was that everything you felt, every tiny thing, could be summed into just one word: fear. You were scared. 

For years you saw Seokmin die in your dreams, he died in a new way every night. You saw, more times than you could count, the life left his eyes as he took his last breath. Sometimes you would just hear about it from someone, just words thrown into a conversation – words that always managed to break your heart. It never mattered how you found out, it always happened suddenly and unexpectedly. 

Whenever you and he were settling into a life together, when you allowed yourself to love each other freely, it happened. You always thought that your love for him, as his for you, worked like a time bomb. And the moment the bond was made was when your time started to run out. 

The only thing you thought about was how if you never made the bond then Seokmin would be able to live a long and happy life. It was okay if once, just once, you didn’t find your soulmate. As long as Seokmin got to live, you were fine with whatever life threw at you. Many people went through life without ever finding their soulmates but that didn’t mean that they weren’t happy. It just meant that they had to find other ways to be happy. 

“Just, please, knock on the door” 

You turned around, startled by the sudden presence behind you, a voice that you had memorized a long time before meeting the person to whom it belonged. Seokmin was there, looking at you like he had just walked out of some kind of sappy movie with his hair a mess and a hoodie that was at least three sizes bigger than him. 

“How long have you been there?” 

He smiled at you then making you feel like your insides were melting. Seeing him was like making the bond all over again. Your hands were sweating, your heartbeat out of control, slow, fast, and slow. The air around you was heavy and the tension between the two of you was almost palpable, like a thin sheet separating you and him. 

“Long enough to know that you’ve been hesitating, for at least, five minutes” 

How was it possible for him to be so calm when you felt like your heart was about to combust? Having him so close to you made your entire body shake. You almost wanted to take a step back before you fell to your knees. It was like your legs were barely there to support you. 

“I want to say so many things but I’m afraid that if I do, you’ll run away again” 

You shook your head at him. This time around you weren’t leaving or running. You had made it this far, there was no way you were backing down. Somehow, seeing Seokmin in front of you made you feel stronger like you could fight the entire universe just because he was right there by your side. He wasn’t doing anything, but he looked at you like you were everything that he had been waiting for and then some more. 

“I came so that we could talk” you tried to smile in reassurance, for him or yourself you weren’t sure “Do you want to do this here or somewhere else…?” 

“I think that it would be best if we had some privacy” 

You took a step aside to let Seokmin open the door to his hotel room. 

You had always been scared of people, not of what they could do to you in the spot but of what they could cause in the long run. From a young age, you learned that you were alone and that the people around you never really wanted you there. For the foster homes you went through most of your life, you were just a way to get easy money; for your first boyfriend you were just a pity bet; for your high school friends you were just the girl they let hang out with them in exchange for assignments; for your parents, you were just someone, something, that they could easily toss aside when they finally got bored. 

All of those things left deep scars on you. Though you did your best to cover them, they were always there right under the surface. You always smiled at people and made sure to tell them that you were perfectly fine even though you weren’t, even though all you wanted was to curl into yourself and let yourself feel all that pain. 

Jun had been the first person to get through to you, the only one who had stayed long enough for you to think that maybe he was around you because he actually liked you and not because he wanted something from you in return. 

It was true that Seokmin was your soulmate, that once the bond is made someone can never really walk away from it. You knew all of those things, like a book that you were constantly reading. Knowing something is completely different than doing it. The insecurities, always in the back of your mind, screamed at you louder than any belief or hope. Your brain always told you that someone like Seokmin, someone who had everything – and anyone – he could possibly want, would never stay for someone like you, bond or no bond. 

“Do you want something to drink? I can get you anything you want” 

Seokmin opened the door for you and pointed at the couch in front of it. As you had expected his room wasn’t just room, it was like a goddamn apartment – hell it was bigger than half of the houses you went through as a teenager. 

“I… it’s fine. I’m fine” 

Seokmin knew that you weren’t fine but chose to stay quiet about it, he knew that it wasn’t a good idea to tell you just how much of you he could understand. It wasn’t only because he could feel every tiny thing coming from you but also because you were like an open book, filled with words begging to be read. 

“I got your journals,” you said “I also read them” 

Your words made Seokmin sigh in relief. He thought that if you saw his journals, and read his feelings, you would be able to understand how desperate he felt, how much his feelings had been all over the place – despite him trying to remain calm. His feelings mirrored yours very much, almost in every way. 

“Because you shared yours with me, I think it’s only fair if I do the same with you” 

He looked up at you, surprise all over his face as you handed him the small box you had been carrying. 

“I’ve dreamed about you, for the past ten years, too. Every night I saw you and fell for you, every version of you” 

The surprise Seokmin felt, the happiness, and the relief that ran through his body the moment he saw you at his door was almost completely gone when he heard what you were saying.  He wanted to think that maybe he heard it wrong but the look in your eyes assured him that he hadn’t heard it wrong. Your words had been loud and clear, ricocheting inside his brain. 

“For how long you have known about me?” 

Your heart was breaking, shattering into tiny pieces when you saw and felt the change in Seokmin. He held the box with your journals like it weighed a thousand pounds, his face was contorted with something that you couldn’t decipher but his feelings were clear, like the sky on a starry night. Seokmin felt betrayed, hurt, and unwanted, all things that weren’t true. 

“Since you started, around the same time, since I was sixteen as well” you whispered. 

Seokmin felt his heart drop all the way down to his toes feeling sick to his stomach. He had always wanted to find you, from the day he understood what his dreams meant he looked for you – everywhere and anywhere in the world. You were the reason why he even started to work in TV, he thought that if he got a job that required him to talk to a lot of people then it would be easier to find you. But the idea, now the fact, that you had always known about him but even then, decided not to look for him, not to take a step away from him, was like a slap to his face. 

“Do you know that I tried to look for you everywhere? I nearly went crazy. Every day since my dreams, the memories of us, started I searched for you. While you…” he scoffed like the world had played yet another sick joke on him “You knew who I was but you never…” 

He couldn’t bring himself to say it; thinking about it – feeling it – was already bad enough. Seokmin didn’t want to voice it, if he did then everything would become that much more real, too real, more heartbreaking than anything else in his life up until that moment. 

The dreams crushed his heart every morning when he woke up. Seokmin felt his heart die a little inside his chest for the life he never got to live with you, for the words he never got to hear from you, for seeing the bright light leave your eyes time and time again. But ultimately those dreams were just that: dreams, memories of a different period in time, of a different life that although felt real, it no longer was. 

“I was afraid, Seokmin…” 

“I know that you were! I felt it, with fiber in my body, I knew that you were scared, terrified that for some reason I wouldn’t love you. I knew all of that like it was my own fear” 

The despair he had in his voice was felt in your body, every tiny cell. You hated that he was feeling like that, that your first ever encounter with him – a proper one – was only worth a fight. That was not how you wanted things to go. You thought that if you ever met him things would run smoothly but the reality of it was far from your expectations. 

“Like you, I am a Memorous” you had to say it, you needed Seokmin to hear your words just once “The first time I saw you, like you are right now, was on TV but it was so fast that I couldn’t be sure. I was on the bus, passing by a TV store. The next day I stayed in front of the same store the entire day, waiting for that brief second of your face for hours. When I finally saw you I cried, right there in the middle of the sidewalk because I just felt so happy to see you, to finally find the boy that I had seen so many times before, the boy I loved so blindly, even though I have never met before. 

“But the dreams… they are alive inside my mind. I don’t forget them like you do. My brain stores them like they are memories of this life, all those feelings were as real as if I lived them this time around. I thought about all the times I saw you die, and I couldn’t live through that again. I couldn’t let that happen to you, not after I saw you. I only knew you from the screen of my tv but my feelings were already so strong. I wanted the bond to happen, you can’t doubt that for a second, but I was scared. I would very much rather live knowing that you were somewhere out there, living a happy and long life than having you live a short one with me” 

Your words were more than enough to make Seokmin stop. Until that moment, his mind was flying all over the place but the second you opened your mouth he couldn’t bring himself to be angry anymore. Those feelings, the fear of seeing your other half – the one you were supposed to be with – die, was one he knew very well. He often wondered what would happen when he finally met you. 

The first time he saw you, he had been over the moon, he felt you and everything else. He felt the pull and your desire to get closer to him. To say that Seokmin was surprised when you ran away was an understatement. He didn’t truly understand everything that was happening inside of him, the unthinkable mix of you and him made him feel dizzy because he couldn’t set you apart. 

He could finally understand the things you did but it didn’t mean that he liked them. 

“I think it’s going to be a very long night” 

Seokmin read your journals in front of you, and it didn’t feel embarrassing. Those journals, your words, had been written for him and for him only. While you wrote down your dreams you thought of him, of how he would read them one day and how much you wanted him to. 

You spent the entire night in his hotel room. You talked for hours and hours and suddenly the subject wasn’t as heavy anymore, both of your fears momentarily forgotten, and you were simply enjoying each other’s company. 

Seokmin was everything that he seemed to be, but he was also that much different. His bubbly personality was still there, fully out in the open for everyone to see, but there was also a shy side to him - one that not many people knew about but it was cute to watch. More often than he would like to admit, Seokmin would trip over his words, insecure about what he could and couldn’t say to you. The ice is still very thin, it’s making me nervous he said at some point in the night. 

You had scooted closer to him or maybe he got closer to you, how it happened didn’t really matter. You found yourself sitting on the couch with your knees pulled to your chest as Seokmin quietly played with your fingers. 

Just having him around you felt like a dream but the moment his skin touched yours? It was like fireworks exploded under your skin, like every single nerve in your body was suddenly awake. You could feel him everywhere, like he was not just the man in front of you, but he was also part of the air, like he could be all around you whilst staying in the exact same spot. He gave you calmness, a sense of peace and security. Things that up until that moment no one had been able to give you, not even yourself. 

“I really want to kiss you” you whispered.  Seokmin’s fingers stilled in yours and something sparkled in his eyes as he looked at you. The moment was suspended in the air as if it wasn’t neither here or there, as if time itself had stopped and all the attention was now on the two of you and the way you were feeling in that very second. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look away from him, you didn’t want to. It was the first time, in your entire life, that you craved someone’s touch and presence. With Seokmin you wanted that and so much more, everything that he had to give, you wanted. 

Feeling like that for someone after only knowing them for a couple of hours was impossible, the kind of thing that you would never expect to happen, the kind of thing that you would laugh at because something like that couldn’t exist. But with you and Seokmin, nothing was as it seemed. 

It was true that you had only known him for a little while but just in this life. When you looked at him you saw traces of the many different people that he had been in the past and because of that, it was like you fully knew him. That wasn’t the case, and you knew that, but even so, the feeling of reconnection still existed. 

Seokmin inched forward, his eyes focused on your lips, as he interlocked your fingers and pulled you towards him. There was one second of hesitation, one tiny second that felt like an eternity before his lips finally pressed on yours and then it was pure magic. 

Seokmin had to leave a few days later and you hated the idea of having to see him walk away. It wasn’t final, you knew that, but it hurt all the same. He had stayed in the city for you far longer than he was supposed to, his phone always blowing up with text messages from people concerned about his whereabouts when in reality he had been locked up with you inside your apartment. 

On the contrary to what you previously thought, Seokmin didn’t care about your tiny apartment, about the fact that you had been to more foster homes than what you were willing to admit, or about the fact that you didn’t have a degree. I like you for you, not for the baggage that comes with you. 

You sat at the airport for hours after his flight departed, the emptiness growing inside of you as the seconds ticked away. 

Seokmin felt the same way. He wanted to stay or for you to just go with him, but he didn’t dare to ask. He knew that even though you didn’t think much of your life, you liked it. You loved to be a receptionist at Jun’s school, loved being surrounded by the kids, loved the city you lived in, and you were a little proud of yourself for being your own person and living your own life - even though you would never admit it. He got into the plane with a heavy heart, but he had to figure things out. He had to find a way for the two of you to be together. It was uncertain of what the future held for you. You could be together for just a year before one of you died or your entire life was still ahead of you. The not knowing drove him crazy. 

 Three weeks apart was all he could take before he found himself boarding a plane to the other side of the country and breaking a few contracts while he did so. You called every day, facetimed whenever there was a chance and texts were always a constant but just that wasn’t enough. 

Due to the distance, the constant pull to you only grew stronger and the grasp he had of your feelings, how Seokmin could tell exactly what was going on with you, was slowly disappearing. It wasn’t that you were learning to control what he could and couldn’t see. Once the bond is made the newfound soulmates need to stay close to each other, it’s physically and mentally tiring to be away. He noticed that you sounded more exhausted on the phone, as your eyes nearly closed when you talked on Facetime. 

All those things pulled him to you, yes, but Seokmin also wanted to see you desperately. 

He didn’t tell you that he was coming to see you, he wanted to make it a surprise. The entire flight he felt just how happy you were, probably because you were at the dance school with the kids, but he also noticed your worry, because he hadn’t answered his phone in a few hours, as you tried to push it as far back in your mind as possible. 

The long see-through glass walls of the school allowed Seokmin to see you inside. He heard your laugh before he saw you, the sound had been imprinted in his mind like the type of song that just gets stuck. And then he saw your profile looking at the little boy in front of you lovingly. When you smiled, he thought that his heart would explode inside his chest. 

Seeing you, even from far away, was like going home after a long time. The feeling of calmness, the feeling of finally being able to breathe properly. Just looking at you made him lighter in a way that he couldn’t exactly put into words. 

The kids were the first ones to see Seokmin. The little boy you talked to gasped, and his eyes went wide. All the other kids had the same reaction, some of them pointed at him while others just went back to what they were doing before. 

You stood frozen in place and watched Seokmin walk from where he was to the door. You had to make sure that he was really there, that it wasn’t something that you were imagining. If it wasn’t for the cute selfies he sent you stored in your phone, you would be sure that meeting Seokmin and everything else that happened after had been nothing but a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time you wished for a life that could never have. 

You got up and took a step away from the kids before walking as fast as you could - nearly running - towards him. He met you halfway, his arms reached for you before you collapsed into him. 

You sighed in contentment and relief when you felt his skin against yours, when his warmth enveloped you. Everything else was forgotten and it no longer mattered. 

“You’re really here,” you said against his neck. 

His chuckle ran through your entire body and he tightened his arms around you, pulling you as close as possible to him. 

“Half a country away is too much" he murmured. 

You stayed in place for minutes, long enough for one of the kids to get bored and call out your name a couple of times. One of them ran inside and got Jun, because the little boy thought that Seokmin might be holding you for too long. 

“This reunion is great and all but it’s weird for the kids” 

At the sound of your friend’s voice, you let go of Seokmin but you didn’t go too far. Three weeks had been long enough, you would take whatever few moments with him that you could get before he had to leave again. So you stayed by Seokmin’s side, your fingers interlocked with his. 

“Seokmin, this is Jun” 

“I was the one who gave him your address, how else do you think he would send you his journals?” 

Seokmin looked at you, with surprise in his face. He hadn’t expected you to tell someone about it, about his journals, or about anything at all. From the moment he saw you, and even from the journals you wrote, he knew that you were the kind of person who didn’t tell those around her much about her life so it was a surprise that you had talked about it with someone. 

“It’s good to see that things worked out for you,” Jun said, he looked at the watch on his wrist before looking back at you again “Go on, take the rest of the day off” 

You shook at head, pointing at the kids behind him - who were already making a fuss all over the place. 

“I still have a few more hours to go and you need help with the kids” 

Jun just rolled his eyes when he took a few steps closer to you and Seokmin, pretty much pushing out of the door. 

“I’ll let you know that there was a time when I managed this place just fine without you” 

 For the rest of the day, you walked around town with Seokmin. He held your hand the entire time, letting it go just to put his arm around your shoulder, either way, he always had his hands on you. You didn’t mind it, in fact, you liked it a lot. The idea of always being close to him made your heart flutter in impossible ways, made you imagine what life would be like when you finally got to be with him for more than a few hours at a time, it made you wish for a future when you would be able to see him every day and talk to him and just be around him. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Seokmin said when you reached your neighborhood. 

“That could be dangerous” 

During the time you and Seokmin talked on the phone, he told a lot about his childhood and there was one thing that was clear to you: he was an unpredictable kid. His ideas were always crazy and so unnatural for a child. When you were in foster care you thought that the other kids were crazy, but they were just reckless, Seokmin was wild. 

“I should have never told you those stories,” he said with a sigh, a tiny smile on his face “I’ve got this job offer, here in the city. It’s not like what I do now but I think that it could be fun and I’ll try to make it work as much as possible. If I do take it, we’ll be closer to each other” 

You were shaking your head before he was done speaking. Seokmin changing jobs, and doing something else that was not what he wanted initially was a huge no. 

“You’re not moving here” 

He sighed again and took your hand in his. 

“I know you’re worried about my job, but I only started to do it because I thought that it was the easiest way to find you. I can do something else, anything else, if it means that I can have you” 

You turned to look at him, your hand squeezing his. His words assured you, more than anything in the world. Hearing those words was the only thing you needed. 

“Remember how I told you that Jun’s soulmate mom is a social worker? She told me that there is this University, not the most prestigious one but a university nonetheless, that is more likely to give out scholarships. A couple of months ago I took the test to get in and I got the results a week ago” 

Seokmin nodded at you, not really understanding what you meant. Truth be told, he was a little hurt. The second he mentioned it you were already denying it, like the mere idea of having him close to was repulsive. He knew that couldn’t be the case, knew that those things never reached your heart but even so, the feeling of getting rejected was there. 

“I got in. I have to move there in the next few weeks or so, to settle in and find my way around town” 

“Where… where is that?” 

You laughed and kissed him quickly. He looked way too cute with the confused look on his face. 

“I didn’t ask for your address just to have it, Seokmin. I want to be close to you so I was looking for a place near yours but also close enough to the university” 

Before you even done speaking Seokmin already had his arms around while he placed quick kisses all over your face, making you laugh. 

Moving away was harder than expected. There weren’t many things that tied you to that place, but the few things that did make it heartbreaking. 

Just as you predicted, telling Jun was easy. Your friend, like always, had been supportive saying that he had your back in all the choices you’ve made and the choices that you would come to make. 

His kids were a completely different story. When you told Hana about it, she started to cry, tears running down her little face and sobs escaping her lips. You knew that it was going to be hard to talk to her, but you didn’t think that it was going to be like that. Hanbin was easier but you knew that he was also feeling it. 

“Will you call us every day?” 

“I’ll call you every Sunday morning,” you said pinching her cheeks “We all know how much your dad loves Sunday mornings” 

Jun groaned but he still had a smile on his face. 

“Why do you hate me?” 

It broke your heart to leave all three of them, but it was something that you had to do, not only because you wanted to be close to Seokmin but because of yourself. The change was something that you needed to do in order to move your life forward. 

Moving day wasn’t as terrible as you expected. Seokmin had helped you move all your stuff, boxing everything to perfection. You didn’t have much you wanted to take with you but even so, everything you owned had been labeled and wrapped. 

Somehow Seokmin had managed to convince you to just move in with him. You tried to deny him at first. It didn’t make any sense; you had just started something with him and suddenly you were putting your toothbrushes together. That was way too fast. “We don’t know how much time we have together so why waste it by being apart?”  You tried reasoning with him “What if I can’t stand your habits and you hate mine?” To what he just said, “I’ll love all of your nasty habits and I’ll be the perfect prince, so you’ll have nothing to complain about”. 

It all ended with a heated make-out session on your couch. 

Seokmin was feeling edgy. He was supposed to be home hours ago, he knew that you were worried but restraining yourself from calling him. He loved his job, he really did, and it was amazing that he got to keep it and be with you at the same time, but he hated days like those. He hated the late-night shootings when he had to be away - especially when he could feel how worried you were - and he didn’t even like to think about when he had to do something out of town. 

The drive back home felt endless. He broke God knows how many speed limits, and crossed a few red lights. He didn’t know why he was feeling like that, he knew that there wasn’t anything wrong going on at home. You would have called him in case something happened, he would have felt something change. 

But at times he couldn’t help but feel anxious. 

It had been four years. Four years since you found each other, since you started your life together, probably the four happiest years of his. But whenever he wasn’t expecting it, whenever Seokmin started to feel comfortable again with his life and you around him, his dreams would come back to haunt him. Instead of seeing you, in the past, he saw you as you were in this life. He saw the woman he loved, more than any of his dreams could have let him know, die in front of him, in his arms. It was always like that, you had a smile on your face, a tear ran down your cheek and you said that loved him. 

On nights like that, he would search for you. His arms moved directly to you and pulled you to him as quiet sobs escaped his lips. You always cried with him on nights like that. You didn’t have those sorts of dreams, but his despair and fear ran through your body as if they were your own. 

That night was just like that. The whole day he had a sickening feeling in his stomach. Like the world was telling him that something was bound to happen. The one thing that had somehow calmed him was how at ease you were during most of the way. 

Seokmin walked inside a house in darkness, the light in the hallway the only thing that could possibly tell him that there was someone home. You always did that for him when he had one of his late nights. 

You were sleeping in the bedroom, so Seokmin tried his best not to make a sound. But he knew that all his efforts were useless when he walked out of the bathroom to find the bedside lamp on and you looking at him. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you” 

You sat up and smiled at him, shaking your head. It was a good thing that he had woken you up. Your sleep wasn’t peaceful, no nightmares or dreams but although you were asleep you still had that weird feeling of being awake while sleeping. 

“It’s fine, I actually have to talk to you about something” 

Seokmin wouldn’t like what you had to say to him, in fact, you were pretty sure that he would probably hate it. 

“I talked to your sister today” the words left your lips in a quiet whisper. 

Seokmin stood still, his eyes focused on you, but his mind was somewhere entirely. He finally understood why you had felt so anxious and nervous during lunchtime and why he was feeling on edge the entire day. 

“We’re not doing this” he shook his head. 

“Seokmin it’s been 12 years, you’re going to have to talk to them at some point” 

You reached for his hand at the same that Seokmin scoffed at you. 

“You haven’t talked to your parents in 22 years and I don’t push toward them” 

Seokmin regretted his words the second he said them. He watched as you tried your best to control your emotions and not let him feel just how hurt you truly felt about his words. You pulled back the hand you reached to Seokmin and tucked it under the blankets. 

“I did try to look for them, Seokmin. I found them. It went the same way as it did when I was eight years old. They didn’t want me” 

You never told anyone about that, it wasn’t the kind of thing that you liked to talk about. To be honest you didn’t even like to think about it. 

A week before you moved in with Seokmin you searched for your parents. With Jun’s help, you managed to find them, quite easily. They still lived in the city, in the same house you lived in for the first eight years of your life. All it really took to get a hold of them was to find the documents they filled when they left you in the foster house. Your meeting with them didn’t last long, less than five minutes and they didn’t even invite you in. All the conversation was done at their doorstep. “We can’t do anything for you, we’re not parent material,” they said to which you answered, “I’m no longer a kid who needs care and protection”. 

For them to suddenly find their inner parent wasn’t something that you wanted or expected but you thought that they could, at least, be part of your life but even that they refused. They only showed some kind of interest when you mentioned Seokmin and just by looking at them, you could tell that their interest was more on what Seokmin brought with him than for you. 

After that you never mentioned them again, never allowed Jun to talk about it again, not even thinking about them was allowed. 

“Just because people bond doesn’t mean they become good people, Seokmin. It just means that there’s someone out there who won’t judge your choices” 

“Babe…” 

Seokmin crawled on the bed towards you, his arms going around you and tangled his legs with yours. 

You stayed quiet for a while, unmoving. That was your favorite place in the world, his arms. Even if you had just some kind of argument with him, even if you were hurt by what the other person said, you never turned your back on each other. 

“I’m afraid if I let them in again the same thing will happen. I can’t go through that again” 

You turned in his arms, facing him. 

“They were probably just afraid Seokmin, the things people say about Memorous aren’t nice. Maybe they were just afraid to lose their son. Your sister did sound really sorry on the phone” you ran your hand on his cheek “You’re thirty years old, the feelings you had at eighteen are not the same and you certainly are not the same person. Maybe we could try talking to them, and if it doesn't work, it doesn’t” 

“Thank you for reminding me that I’m old” 

You giggled against his chest, which made Seokmin kiss the top of your head. 

“You’ll only be old when our kids kids go to college” 

Something in Seokmin’s eyes changed, all the anger and laughter from just a second before suddenly disappeared. He rolled on the bed, so he was on top of you. 

“Are we talking babies now?” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed your way up from his collarbone to his lips. 

“You’ve been lacking in that department lately, husband” 

He pulled your hands away from his neck and presses it against the mattress. 

“I’ll be sure to make it up to you, wife” 

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @belladaises, @mhlsymlysn, @immabecreepin, @uniq-tastic, @miriamxsworld, @aaniag, @k-drama-adict, @maiamorrrrrrrrrrrr, @roguesthetic, @sofix-hc7, @@scarlet789, @moonlightgrleric, @r6njunlv, @mixling-blog, @cinnamongirl127, @haowonbins, @valgracia, @shuabby, @slut4donghyuck, @manutuankim

if you were tagged, please consider reblogging. likes and comments are also always welcomed

if you want to be tagged in my next fics, please fill out this form

thank you for reading

[urne-buriall]

when you finished young hearts, did you plan on writing that even plottier part 3? or maybe just a hopeful epilogue that gave a glimpse of the young lovers in their new world?

my notes at the beginning of the third fic really do sum it up:

that new world Young Dean made presented so many opportunities that I had to pick a thread and follow it. like the ending of Clue, this is how it could have happened... in my mind's eye the third instalment was supposed to be a short little jaunt, fun and boppy, such that I called it "Teen-Dean: Ragnarok" in my head. instead it's the most meticulously plotted. guys, I'm hopeless.

there was part of me that was always afraid to put something down in writing and make it "concrete" because I had left part 1 intentionally open, and intentionally bittersweet (which time travel often is). the pain has to happen and cannot be avoided and I'm kidding myself and everyone else if I act like it could've gone differently

but, could it? when I started part 2 I didn't know how it would end, but knew that it couldn't be another "none of what just happened matters and you have to go back and live just as before, forgetting all these hard-won lessons." that felt so pointless and, frankly, unkind to Young Dean. our present Dean still has to have his past, but I had the opportunity to split ways

there were multiple routes in my head for what happened in Young Dean's new world. I hated the idea that I'd be closing any of them off by writing just one that would become "authoritative." for readers to lose the chance to speculate on or imagine a different way. I knew if I put it in writing it would have to be plotty, and Past-Cas would have to be lost somehow, and that I was going to immediately destroy all Young Dean had worked for. meanwhile there were versions in my head where they just got to enjoy each other. versions where Dean and Cas clear away from John, versions where Cas meets John and how that would go, versions where Cas keeps his angel power and versions where he doesn't. it was all up for grabs

but they're so young and I knew, no matter what, their story couldn't simply END with young hearts. it was just beginning. more would happen in their lives, more actions and consequences. I was kidding myself, just as I'd been at the end of part 1, when I thought I wouldn't need to write anything more. because it was all spinning through my head, all these iterations and possibilities, but I also instinctively knew which path was most compelling for me to pursue. I had NO IDEA it was going to be the longest and most intricate part, but again, the pay-off felt huge and like I had actually resolved all the things that niggled at my brain in the previous parts

there is another post where I talk about the "other iteration" of part 3 (what could've been) a little, which I'm linking to and will reblog now as a treat

[senbonsol]

Helloo!! I don't know if you're accepting requests but if you are could you please do something where Michael gets caught and taken back to Smiths Grove and his s/o gets tired of it so they sneak into the sanitarium and break him out of there??

Hello! I honestly didn’t think I would get any asks, but I’m happy to give it a shot! I’m sorry if this ends up being a little long, I got a little carried away. I’m also sorry if this ends up being late! I had a hard time deciding what direction I wanted to take this one, and I got kind of busy with irl stuff ;-;. I had RZ Myers in mind (I kind of always do lol, I have some pretty severe brain rot for that man), so I hope you don’t mind that. Thank you for your request, I hope you enjoy it!

Note: you; they/them used. I tried to keep it gender neutral. Kind of slow burn, and the ending is a little rushed. I apologize. Fluff near the end because I cannot help myself.

Warnings: nothing other than canon-typical violence.

Word count: 4608

You were helpless as you watched them load him into the ambulance, silently pleading with Michael to break free. Desperately hoping it was all an act. But as the paramedics slammed the doors and began to drive away, you realized it wasn’t. The sedatives they had given him must have been too strong. Fear had its hold on you, and you began to shake from the weight of it. Fear that you would never see the man you loved again. Fear that Michael would be locked away forever. You wondered if Michael was afraid, and the thought of it made your chest ache uncomfortably.

I have to do something. I can’t just leave him there to rot. I won’t.

He would come for me.

You took a breath, centering yourself. It was late September and the air was brisk, burning your lungs as you inhaled deeply. Your mind was already made up, your resolve unwavering. You were absolutely going to get him. What wasn’t clear was how you were going to get him. How in the hell were you going to sneak into Smith’s Grove? Security would, at the very least, be doubled after what had happened the last time Michael escaped.

What am I going to do?

It had taken almost a whole month to even make it inside of the building, but you had finally managed. As luck would have it, Smith’s Grove was hiring and you had found yourself on the custodial staff with the help of a fake name and a few fudged documents. Granted, you were now indebted to an extremely shady character two cities over, but if you could pull this off it would be worth it. Anything for Michael. Maybe he can take care of it for you once you bust him out?

Probably best to not linger on it too long. I need to find him first.

A deep voice broke you from your thoughts.

“You the newbie?”

You turned to find a short, middle-aged Hispanic man standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. He looked absolutely exhausted.

“Yes sir, today is my first day.” You offered with a kind smile.

“Alright, you’re with me today. Name’s Martin. I’ll show you around, it’s pretty easy to get lost in here. Big place.” He said as he waved you over and started down the hallway. You scrambled to follow behind him, suddenly nervous about the whole ordeal. You had figured there would be some kind of training, but what you hadn’t expected was to spend the entire shift with someone else. How were you going to sneak off to find Michael if this guy was following you around? You had been so lost in thought that you didn’t even notice Martin trying to speak to you.

“Hey, are you even listening to me? You aren’t gonna learn shit if you don’t pay attention, and you’ll be on your own tomorrow.” He huffed, his annoyance evident.

Shit.

“I’m sorry,” you offered, “I just got a little distracted. What’s up with all of these guards? Is there someone really dangerous here or something?” You asked as casually as you could, trying to avoid suspicion.

“Ah yeah, you haven’t heard? They finally caught that Myers guy. I work the wing he’s held in and it’s always crawling with those goons. Somehow they manage to leave an even bigger mess than the patients do.” He replied shaking his head, a deep frown settled on his face. Martin suddenly stopped in front of a storage closet, and pulled out a cleaning cart before continuing down the hallway. Maybe being stuck with Martin was a blessing in disguise. It was a stroke of luck that you were going to be able to waltz right into that section of the sanitarium without question. You decided to see what else you could get out of him.

“No, I haven’t heard anything about that. I don’t even know who you’re talking about. What did he do?” You asked, feigning ignorance.

Martin stopped dead in his tracks, looking at you with surprise.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of Michael Myers?”

“No, I can’t say I have.” You lied.

Still looking incredibly shocked, Martin looked away from you and continued down the seemingly never ending corridor. He hadn’t been lying, this damned place was like a maze. After a while of walking in an uncomfortable silence, you had thought you’d really messed up. You’ve never been very good at lying.

“You know I’m honestly pretty surprised you haven’t even heard of him. I thought by now everyone had.” He finally said.

“Oh really?” You answered, maybe a little too quickly. “I’ve only lived in Illinois for a few weeks.”

Martin hummed in response. There were a few more moments of silence before the two of you had stopped in front of a large set of double doors. Security guards were posted on either side of it, likely a checkpoint. Martin held up his badge and instinctively you had done the same. The guard inspecting the badges looked you over, raising his brow.

“Well well, who do we have here? I haven’t seen you before.” He smiled, licking his lips.

Is he flirting with me? Ugh.

You forced a smile, and just as you were about to introduce yourself Martin interjected.

“This is the new custodian, I’m showing them around today. Can you just let us through, please? We have a lot of work to get done.”

“Damn Ortiz, lighten up a little. Just having some fun is all.” The guard laughed.

Martin didn’t seem impressed, just letting out a long sigh as the two of you pushed through the checkpoint. Once you were far enough away, Martin turned to you with a serious look.

“Don’t go anywhere with that guy without someone else around, you understand?”

You simply nodded, you didn’t need to be told twice. You didn’t want to be anywhere near him anyway.

“Alright then, let's get to work.”

To say there was a lot to be done was an understatement. You were only a couple hours in, and you now understood why Martin looked so tired. This is fucking exhausting. You had only cleaned out a little over half of a single hallway, and you had three more to go. Hopefully you would find Michael soon. It had been far too long since you had seen him. Touched him. Going just a single day without Michael around was difficult, surviving the month without him had been unbearable.

The two of you had worked in relative silence, only really speaking when you had to. Once the two of you had finished the hallway you were working on, Martin motioned for you to come sit down next to him.

“I figure it’s time for a break, you look like shit already.” He chuckled, taking a couple of bottles of water off the cart and handing you one.

You snatched the water from him, shooting him a half-hearted glare.

“You’re the one that looks like shit, Martin.” You joked, “Thank you for the water.”

Martin nodded, a small smile on his face. After the two of you had caught your breath for a moment, Martin turned to look at you.

“What is it?

“You still curious about Michael Myers?” He asked.

You perked up immediately.

“Yeah, I am. You finally ready to spill?”

Martin looked around, then turned back to you and nodded.

“Alright, fine. So apparently the guy killed his sister and step-father when he was a kid and wound up in here.” He whispered. “Then two years ago, he broke out of here and the killing hasn’t stopped since.”

“What! That’s wild!” You whisper-yelled, widening your eyes in mock surprise. Of course, you already knew all of that. Probably better than anyone else, but you weren’t going to give Martin a reason to suspect you. You still hadn’t found Michael yet, the longer you could stay under the radar, the better.

“Yeah, people around here call him ‘The Boogeyman’. Dr. Loomis calls him the devil in his books.” Martin replied.

“What do you call him?” You asked, curious about what he thought about your lover.

Martin looked away for a moment, seemingly thinking about it before answering.

“I don’t know. I mean he’s just a guy, at the end of the day isn’t he? He seems kind of fucked up, but sick people are still just people.” He shrugged. “I guess I’d just call him Michael.”

You hummed, nodding in approval, a surprising amount of relief washing over you. It was always hard listening to people talk about Michael the way they did. Like he was a monster. Like he was something less than a human being. You were glad that at least one person in this place thought differently.

“Alright,” Martin groaned as he stood, “I guess we better get back after it if we want to get finished in this lifetime.”

A tired sigh escaped your lips as you rose to join him. He was right, you weren’t getting any closer to finding Michael just sitting around. As the two of you rounded the corner to the next hallway, you were met with a few more security guards. This looks promising. You thought to yourself. Excitement bubbled up inside you. After being allowed past them, you nodded toward the end of the hallway where there were two more guards posted outside of one of the doors.

“Is that where he is?” You asked excitedly, a wide smile spreading across your face.

“Uhh, yeah… You know you seem awfully happy about that. You okay? What’s going on?” Martin asked, a clear discomfort in his voice.

You reached out and caught his arm, stopping him and turning him toward you. Martin had grown on you. He had been kind to you throughout the day, and more importantly he had been kind when talking about Michael. He deserved any chance you could give him, no matter how small.

“Martin, I need you to listen to me carefully.” You said, your tone serious. “I need you to make an excuse, and then I need you to leave. As quickly as you can, leave the building. I need you to run.”

Martin’s eyes widened in surprise as he took a small step back.

“What are you planning?” He asked, voice quivering. He was afraid. Good. He needed to be if he had any chance of surviving.

“Martin, I’m here to get him out.” You whispered, looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Are you fucking crazy?! He’ll kill us both!” Martin whisper-yelled, gaining the attention of one of the guards posted at the door.

“What in the hell are the two of you doing? Don’t you have work to do?” The guard asked, his eyes narrowed, looking at you suspiciously.

As you turned back to look at Martin, your emotions started to get the better of you. You were so close! He is right there! Just behind that door. With hot tears threatening to spill over, you begged him.

“I love him, please help me. Please.”

Running his hand through his hair, Martin looked around, thinking it over. Thinking hard.

“I don’t know, this just doesn’t seem right.” He whispered.

“Martin, please! This is the only way. Once he sees I’m here, there won’t be any stopping him. Please, this is your only chance.”

Just as the guard started to approach you two, Martin finally gave in, nodding. His hands were shaking violently, and it was his turn to beg you.

“Please don’t let him kill me.” He whispered, his voice small.

“All you have to do is run. After they open the door, run. Like your life depends on it. Because it does.”

Martin took a deep breath, then motioned to the guards to open the door.

“Go ahead and let them in, I’ve got to run to the supply closet and grab a few things. I’ll be back shortly.” Martin declared, sounding a lot braver than he actually felt.

“I don’t think so Ortiz, you’re acting strange. Besides, I don’t even know who this is.” He said, motioning toward you. His eyes still narrowed as he approached you and looked you over. Your breath caught in your throat, eyes widening as you looked back at Martin.

“They’re new, first day on. I’m training them.”

“Well that doesn’t explain your behavior, what’s going on with you ‘ya big baby? You look like you’re ready to piss yourself.” The guard laughed, mockingly.

“Come on man, I’m like this every time I have to go in there and you know it. The guy makes me nervous. Can you just let them in so we can get started?” Martin explained, quickly glancing between you and the guard.

“Alright, alright. Fine Ortiz, don’t get your panties in a wad.” He said, giving the other security officer the okay to unlock the door. “I’ll even go with you to the storage closet. Make sure the big bad boogeyman doesn’t get you.” He laughed, talking to Martin as if he were a child.

What an asshole.

Martin ignored him, instead turning his attention to you.

“Alright, go on in and get started. Good luck.”

You nodded back at him. With a small smile, you mouthed a genuine ‘thank you’ as you watched them leave. After taking a deep breath you turned around and began walking to the door. It took everything you had not break into a full sprint, and you could feel yourself speeding up a little with every step you took.

“Okay, I’m ready to go in.” You said, not even bothering to look at the guard. You were too busy looking through the small window on the door, your heart swelling with affection and an impatient longing as your gaze fell on your lover. Michael was sitting at a small desk with his back to the door. You released a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding. A loud click was heard, and then the door was open. Finally, there was nothing standing between you and Michael. Without hesitation, you burst into the room and put your hand on his shoulder.

“Michael!” You sobbed, “Michael I’m here.”

A rough hand grabbed your wrist hard as Michael turned around to face you. Perhaps you had been too impatient. Michael rose from his seat, wrenching your hand away from him and throwing you to the floor. Soon he was on top of you, choking you with bruising strength. You looked up at him, eyes desperately pleading for him to stop. For him to recognize you. Your hands flew up to his wrists as you tried to remove the vice grip on your neck, but it was in vain. Your vision began to blur, and you had begun to accept that maybe this was it. At least I got to see you again, Michael. You thought to yourself as you reached up to cup his face with your hand. There was no point in fighting back, you knew you couldn’t win. So you decided to offer him a small comfort in your final moments, a sign that you loved him still, even now as he took your life. Your life belonged to him anyways, that had been decided the moment the two of you had met. If you had to die, at least it would be in his arms. By his hand. Looking into his eyes. A small smile formed on your face as your body began to still. Just as you were about to black out, Michael released his hold on your neck. You began to cough as you took greedy, painful gulps of air. Trying to ignore the burning in your lungs, you looked up at Michael and placed your other hand on his face cupping his cheeks tenderly.

“Michael…” You croaked, “I’ve missed you so much.”

He just stared at you for a moment, before placing his hands on yours and closing his eyes, relishing in your warmth. Your touch. He had missed you too. Your tears were flowing freely now, as you looked him over. They very clearly hadn’t been taking care of him. He looked pale and malnourished, dark circles under his eyes. And they had taken his mask. Michael’s secret. His safety, gone. Your relief quickly turned into rage, and a deep bitterness took root. What kind of a place is this? Who treats people like this? You didn’t have long to think it over before the room was full of people--doctors and guards alike--each one of them gawking at the two of you like this was the strangest thing they had ever seen. Like the two of you were a cheap road-side attraction. Their mouths hanging wide open in shock at Michael’s display of affection. That only made you angrier. Michael slowly opened his eyes and rose, extending a hand to you. You gladly took it and shuffled safely behind him. One of the doctors cautiously approached the two of you, sedative in hand.

“Michael… It’s time to take your meds…” He said, shakily.

Michael tilted his head as he watched the much smaller man approach. As soon as he was in Michael’s reach, he was dead. The needle he carried, now embedded in his eye socket. The guards sprang into action and latched onto him, trying to weigh him down. Normally, this wouldn’t have stopped him, but Michael was tired. Running on fumes. He probably needed your help. You frantically looked around the room for something you could use as the rest of the doctors flooded in, sedatives in hand. Your eyes landed on a metal chair that had been knocked to the floor in the chaos. Without hesitation, you picked it up and whacked one of them as hard as you could with it. Like squashing a bug. Suddenly all eyes were on you, everyone seemingly surprised by your actions. What in the hell did they think you would do? Let them put him back under when you had worked so hard trying to get him out? Yeah right. Luckily, this was enough of a distraction for Michael to force his way out of the guards grasp easily, wrapping his hands around their throats and squeezing until they cracked. One by one, the staff fell until there was no one left. It was time to get the fuck out of there.

You followed Michael out into the hallway and took a look around. It seemed that the coast was, momentarily, clear. I hope Martin made it out. You thought to yourself. Surely he had enough time. You shook the thought out of your head, there was no time to worry about Martin. You needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. Glancing at the windows in the corridor, you saw that the sun was beginning to set. Good. Sneaking out will be so much easier in the dark.

“Michael, do you know the way out?” You asked quietly, “I’m not sure if I remember all of it. This place is pretty confusing.”

He turned to look at you, head tilting to the side. It was a silent question.

How did you get in here to begin with?

“I promise I’ll explain everything later Michael, please we need to go.” You begged.

Surprisingly, he didn’t argue with you. He simply nodded and took your hand, tugging you through a series of winding corridors that looked vaguely familiar but strangely foreign all at once. This place is fucking horrible. As you rounded another corner, you finally saw something you recognized. The security checkpoint. You also saw someone you recognized. Martin.

Shit.

The moment you had locked eyes with Martin, his widened in shock. He had clearly thought he had more time. Without hesitation, Martin broke into a full sprint straight through the security checkpoint. Unfortunately, that had caught Michael’s attention. Not a surprising outcome, Michael always did enjoy a good chase, but unfortunate nonetheless. You doubted you could do anything for him now, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to try, right?

“Michael, do you see those two guards there? The ones standing to the left?” You asked, hoping to distract him. It seemed to work briefly, as he glanced at them before fixing his gaze back on Martin’s retreating form.

“That one flirted with me on the way in,” you pointed, “and that one was just rude.”

That seemed to get his attention.

Michael turned to face the guards. Red hot anger surged through him. Who did they think they were? He stared at them for what felt like hours, the tension in the air was tangible. Slowly, Michael stalked towards the flirty one, he would be the first to go. Michael wanted the rude one afraid. It would be more fun that way. And afraid he was as he watched Michael wrap his hands around the other guards throat and bash his head into the wall. Michael didn’t stop until nothing but a dark, viscous puddle remained. The man's skull, completely demolished. The guard was paralyzed with fear, his feet firmly planted. A horrified wail left his trembling lips as Michael turned his attention to him. You almost laughed when you noticed he had wet himself.

And to think he called Martin a baby, what a joke.

“What’s the matter? I thought you weren’t afraid of the big, bad boogeyman.” You mocked, eyes narrowed.

Michael’s gaze shifted to you, a ghost of a smile danced across his lips. Your behavior was amusing, it wasn’t like you to be so vindictive. Openly mocking someone else’s fear. He loved it.

You never stopped surprising him.

He had really, truly, missed you.

Being caged inside this place again had been a nightmare. It had been far worse than the last time, and it was all because he had met you. Those 17 years before he met you were nothing compared to this one long month away. Michael never could have imagined how much not having you around would affect him. At first he felt nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. He had been sloppy. It was unacceptable. The next emotion, however, was an unexpected one. There was a profound sadness, followed by an intense loneliness that threatened to swallow him whole. Thinking of you had only seemed to make the uncomfortable feeling stronger and harder to manage, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t stop. What were you doing? Were you taking care of yourself? Did you miss him too?

Just when had he fallen in so deep?

Whimpering, the guard dropped to his knees begging for mercy you knew he wouldn’t receive. Michael stalked toward him, gently taking his face into his hands. Michael had an almost serene look on his face as he slowly plunged his thumbs into the man's eyes, his lips curved upward in a small smile as he welcomed the agonized screaming that followed.

And as horrible as the scene before you was, all you could think of was how beautiful Michael looked in that moment.

Finally, the screaming had stopped and Michael had dropped the man's body to the ground, turning his attention to you once more. He had caught you staring, but you couldn’t seem to tear your gaze from his. His head tilted in amusement as he reached out to you, and your hand went to his automatically. There was nothing to think about, you had yearned for his touch for so long. Michael pulled you toward him, strong arms wrapping around you as he buried his face in your hair. You gave in quickly, closing your eyes to savor the tender moment. Who knows when you would get another like it?

After a while Michael finally started to pull away, but not completely. His hands trailed up your arms gently as he stared into your eyes, his gorgeous blues were crystal clear as he peered into your very soul. Michael carefully brought his hands up to rest beneath your jawline, tilting your head upwards and guiding your lips to his. You instantly melted into the kiss, bringing your hands to rest on his chest. Each time Michael kissed you was like the first time. It was electric. Irresistible. Eventually, as the two of you came up for air, Michael pressed his forehead to yours and closed his eyes. A silent thank you. You pecked his nose as his eyes fluttered open once again, a small smile creeping onto your face.

“Come on Michael, let's go home.”

By the time the two of you exited the building it was pitch black out, and Martin was nowhere to be seen. Good, he got away. Now it’s our turn. You could hear police sirens in the distance as you made your way to the car. They grew ever closer as your hands shook violently in an attempt to get the doors unlocked. Your nerves were finally starting to get the better of you. Michael took your hands in his own, squeezing gently as he took the keys from you. He had the door open in seconds, his hands steady and his breathing even. How in the hell is he always so calm? By the time you both were safely inside, the police sirens were so close they were almost deafening. Red and blue lights illuminating the dark street as they approached the main gate. Michael grabbed you and ducked your head as the police swarmed the parking lot, the majority of them heading inside ready to face a threat that no longer existed within the sanitarium. Once the coast was relatively clear, Michael put the car in drive and started toward the main entrance.

Maybe you could just coast right through?

You knew that was most likely just wishful thinking, but you trusted Michael’s judgement. He wouldn’t put you in danger willingly. Not without a plan. As the two of you made it to the gate, the guard stepped out of his booth, shining a flashlight in your face.

“Where do you two think you’re going? Place is on lockdown. Nobody leaves.”

Doing your best to keep your composure, you turned to face the guard with a nervous smile.

“Oh, I didn’t realize. My shift ended not too long ago. We were just going home.”

He looked at you with narrowed eyes, before turning his gaze toward your lover.

“And who is that?”

“Oh, this is my husband. He came to pick me up.” You said, gesturing to Michael. “Today was my first day, and it got crazy pretty quick.” You laughed mirthlessly. “Can we please just go? I don’t really want to stick around, it’s not safe here.” You goaded, desperate to be on the other side of that gate and far away from this hellish place.

“You’re right about that. There’s a maniac on the loose.” He chuckled. After taking a quick look around, he shockingly complied.

“Alright, let me check your credentials and then you’re free to go. You know, it’s probably better this way. We need to keep civilians away from the scene anyway.”

“Yes, thank you!” You exclaimed. Relieved and extremely surprised, you handed him your papers and badge.

After looking them over, he smiled and handed them back to you.

“Okay, everything seems to check out. You two be careful now.”

“You too, thanks again.” You beamed, as the gates started to open. You were finally able to relax as Michael pulled onto the street, letting out an exasperated laugh. Finally, you were on your way.

I cannot believe it was that easy.

He was finally coming home.

[kung-laos-hat]

Kiss Me

Kung Lao x Fem!Reader

AN: Kung Lao, my beloved. Wrote this while listening to Kiss Me More by Doja Cat ft. SZA, banger song. Not proof read yet‼️

Summary: Who doesn’t like when a little friendly rivalry turns into something more?

“You ready to meet your match this time?” Kung Lao chuckled, adjusting his footing and placing a hand on the tip of his hat.

“Course’ I am Lao,” (Y/n) huffed, getting into position, “When they get here make sure to let me know, yeah?”

This had become a daily occurrence. After dinner time, when lessons and training were done for the evening, the three of them would return to the court and cash in on a little sparring. It was their odd way of spending time together outside of missions, plus with the grand tournament coming up, they could use the extra practice.

Usually they had a rotation system that went Liu versus (Y/n), then (Y/n) versus Lao, then Liu versus Lao. They would rest a little after each match, then continue on per usual. However today’s session was going a little different.

Yesterday, (Y/n) had won against Lao and was so proud of her achievement she couldn’t help but rub it in, and Lao, being the prideful young man he was, demanded a rematch. He claimed the mission he’d gone on earlier that day had screwed him over physically. (Y/n) agreed to it, and now here they were.

“3...2...1... fight!” Liu Kang called out from the top on the stairs leading into the main hallway. As the pair lunged at each other, causing reddish brown puffs of dirt to fly off of the ground, he calmly sat and observed.

Minutes passed, and neither party seemed to have even made a scratch on the other. However, an impressive amount of blocking was being done by Kung Lao currently, so Liu assumed the victory would go to (Y/n). The girl had a giddy smile plastered across her face, and it seemed like she, too, expected the victory to be hers.

Liu turned to the side and reached for his water, but noticed he hadn’t brought any with him. He sighed and stood up.

“I’m going to fetch some water from the kitchen. Continue on, but please don’t wreck anything or kill each other. Master will have a fit and then I’ll receive part of the blame for not monitoring you two properly.” Liu said.

“Expect to come back to my—,” (Y/n) began before dodging a kick, “Another one of my victories!”

“Fat chance!”

Previous to all of this, the two friends already had some sort of tension between them. It started off as a friendly rivalry, competing for trifling things such as the last egg roll or using the bathroom first in the morning. But as the years passed, the competitons began to become more... personal. And so did the bickering. Somehow (Y/n) and Lao shifted from “if you don’t shut up I’m gonna kick your ass” to “if you don’t shut up, I’m gonna make you.”

Nevertheless, the three of them quite enjoyed their dynamic (despite Liu Kang shooting knowing looks at the two individually).

Now (Y/n) had Kung Lao backed into a corner with her (weapon/power) held against his neck. Lao strained his neck upwards, his left arm holding his hat behind his back.

“That was the saddest block I’ve seen all day, Lao. Do you yield yet?” (Y/n) smirked triumphantly.

He glanced down at her and huffed. “Watch your tongue, (Y/n).”

He swiftly slid his foot under her, knocking her off her feet, and brought his hat back up to his head before disappearing into the ground. He reappeared behind her and attempted to pin her to the ground, but she jumped up and tackled the boy, landing with her legs straddling Lao’s right one and her hand on his chest.

“You’re so predictable these days,” (Y/n) laughed.

Lao propped himself up on his elbows, “You’re only saying that because you’ve gotten used to my moves.”

“Maybe you should take some time away from me,” (Y/n) jeered, “Y’know, and learn some better ones.”

Lao furrowed his eyebrows, “God, if you don’t stop flapping your mouth—,”

“You’re trapped under me, what are you gonna do? Kiss me?” She laughed.

Lao brought his leg up and forcefully kicked her off, sending her tumbling across the court. (Y/n) jumped onto her feet, narrowly avoiding hitting the wall.

“If you keep that up I just might.” Lao teased.

“You wouldn’t have the nerve,” (Y/n) lunged at him again.

Lao used his hat to block her attack and landed a solid kick to her side. “Is that a challenge?”

God, every word that came out of the girl’s mouth was beginning to get him fired up. He could feel his chest begin to tingle with a mix of excitement and anxiety. What if (Y/n) genuinely wanted to kiss him? If he tried, would she pull away? Kung Lao had always been the bolder of the two, but still.

Kung Lao charged at her and grabbing her hands, holding them behind her back with one hand before she could fully regain her footing. With his other hand he grasped the collar of her top and pulling her closer to his body. (Y/n) was paralyzed by this sudden action and her breath hitched. She looked up at Lao with uncertainty, the color of her cheeks turning redder than the fabric Liu Kang tied around his head.

Lao’s hand trailed up to her face, holding the side of her jaw with his pointer and middle finger while his thumb traced circles over her lower lip. Lao was looking directly into her eyes now.

“Just say the word and I will, (Y/n).” His tone was quieter and more serious than ever before.

(Y/n)’s mouth quivered. It felt like her brain had entirely blanked and she couldn’t find anything clever to respond with.

“I— I... I yield!” She cried, quickly pulling away in embarrassment.

(Y/n) ran up the stairs just as Liu Kang returned. She nodded to him in acknowledgment, but continued to rush off to her room.

Liu stopped and glanced from her retreating figure to his cousin who stood along in the court.

“So... who won?” He cocked an eyebrow in confusion. Kung Lao buried his face in his hands.

———

The next couple of days seemed incredibly off to everyone. (Y/n) went out of her way to avoid interacting with Kung Lao, and vice versa. Lao’s thoughts were just too jumbled for him to approach her, no matter how much he wanted a confirmation on whether she felt the same or not, and (Y/n) was having a difficult time making sense of Lao’s actions.

What would happen if they did like each other? Although at this point, neither of them were sure if “like” was the correct term to use. (Y/n) was certain up until then that Kung Lao had meant everything was a joke and simply took this one a little too far. The insults, the flirting, all of it had been a joke, right? That was their silent agreement. Lao would never do anything with the intention of... well... getting to (Y/n), per say. Their intentions with eachother had always been purely platonic.

But was that really the truth in (Y/n)’s case? Or had she been ignorant to her own feelings towards the boy all along? Is that why she couldn’t stand to look him in the eye now? What if she really was in—

“(Y/n)! Master wants me to accompany him somewhere, so I can’t make it tonight.” Liu called out as he jogged to catch up with the girl.

She blinked, “Oh, it’s alright Liu, we can reschedule for another night then.”

He stretched his arms over his head. “Why don’t you use the time to catch up with Kung Lao? It seems like you two hardly got to spend time together this week.”

(Y/n) blushed and began to shift her feet uncomformably, “Lao and I— we’re- I haven’t...” She sighed, “I’m not exactly in the mood to talk to him any time soon.”

Liu frowned, “It isn’t my place to speak in the matter, and I’m not sure what went down between you two, but If Lao said something I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

The girl groaned and leaned her head back. “That’s what I’m afraid of...” She mumbled.

Liu placed a hand on her head and ruffled her hair, then placed both of his hands on her shoulders.

“You’re a smart girl, I’m sure you two will be back on track eventually. Remember: a little communication goes a long way.”

She nodded, “You’re right, I know. I’ll try to sort it out.”

___

Now, Kung Lao was completely crumbling over why (Y/n) had pushed him away. He believed that (Y/n) felt something for him, he was sure of it, and he’d been searching for an opportunity to pursue her for months. So when she jokingly asked if he would kiss her, how could he have resisted?

It was an impulsive decision, he admitted, but he was so sure she felt the same that he thought it didn’t matter. Maybe he should have been more forward and confessed his feelings for her in a different setting.

Buuuuut it was too late now. He blew it. And now she was avoiding him. He was a fool to assume such things about her.

Lao signed and threw himself done on his bed, sprawling his arms and legs out dramatically.

“Cousin? I’m heading out soon, I came to say goodbye—,” Liu’s voice faltered when he saw the state of his friend. He stifled a laugh. “Y’know, if you if this is effecting you so badly, why not just apologize and talk to her?”

Lao’s head shot up in alarm. “Oh no, how much did she tell you!?”

Liu laughed, “Little to nothing, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed the strange energy between you two lately.”

Lao groaned and sat up.

“Heed my advice, and stop moping around, Lao.” Liu patted the other young man’s shoulder before setting off to find their master.

___

A few hours passed and Kung Lao finally felt like he had the right words to explain how he felt to (Y/n). Yes, he’d spent hours cooped up in his room, scribbling his thoughts down on paper until he ultimately decided it was best to be direct. The poor girl was probably confused enough as it was.

It was settled then. He’d talk to her tomorrow after training and lessons, but right now it was probably best to focus on dinner.

He silently walked down the main hall and towards the kitchen. He was sheet he staff had already cleaned up dinner, and seeing as he wasn’t present to eat with the others, it was likely they didn’t bother to prepare him a plate.

Lao opened the door but froze in his tracks at the sight of (Y/n) standing in front of the counter, her shirt stained with the remnants of assorted ingredients. She staggered back at the sight of him in the door way. Lao’s eyes strayed to a small tray of egg rolls and a few other dishes.

“Kung Lao,” She breathed out.

He cleared his throat. “That seems a little excessive for a late night snack.”

“Oh this—,” (Y/n) glanced to the tray and back at him, “You weren’t at dinner, and I didn’t expect you to come to the kitchen... it was supposed to be a secret.”

“I see.” Kung Lao was silent for a moment. “Oh. OH— this is,” He gestured to the tray awkwardly, “for me...”

(Y/n) pursed her lips and nodded, glancing down at the floor. The two of them stood without a word for a moment, anxiety building up in their stomachs. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break the silence, and yet both of them had so much to say.

“I’m sorry.” (Y/n) mumbled at last. “I took our usual teasing too far last time, and I shouldn’t have avoided you—,”

“I wanted to kiss you.” Kung Lao blurted out. “I still do. And wanted you to want me to kiss you.”

“Kung Lao, the jokes we made were fun and all—,”

“Well, I’m not playing around anymore, (Y/n). This time it isn’t a joke.” The serious look he had on the other day had returned.

“So...,” (Y/n) began, barely a whisper, “what are you saying?”

Kung Lao exhaled heavily and furrowed his brows. “How can I be any more transparent right now!?” He growled, “I’m in love with you, (Y/n).”

It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of both of their chests in that moment.

(Y/n) smiled and wasted no time to wrap her arms around Kung Lao’s neck and press her lips against his. He kissed back without hesitation and wrapped his arms around her body shamelessly. Kung Lao deepened the kiss, and their lips moved together feverently, as if this was something they’d both been yearing for for a while.

When they finally separated, (Y/n) rested her head in the crook of Lao’s neck, sighing happily.

“You know what? I think I just might be in love with you too, Lao.”

[eliemo]

Little Talks

Summary: As Logan starts spending more time with the Duke in an effort to keep him under control, Remus has to come to terms with the fact that the way he treated Logan may have caused lasting damage after all.

TWs: RSD, violent thoughts, strong language, blood mention (it's Remus, what did you expect)

Pairings: Developing friendship. Can be seen as platonic or romantic Intrulogical

Notes: Thank you to @cheshirevalentine for helping me create and edit this. They're amazing and I love them dearly. Their AO3 is here!

Having Logan in his room was… weird.

Remus had known it was going to be happening. Logan had made the offer to stop by Remus’s room and let the Duke bounce his ideas off of someone. He’d let Remus ramble, listen to the flood of intrusive thoughts and gory, outrageous ideas, all so that Thomas wouldn’t have to.

Remus had cheerfully referred to Logic as his “test subject” the first time he’d come in, laughing outright at the way Logan’s face had screwed up in indignation.

He didn’t really plan on actually doing anything to Logan, despite the incredibly dangerous position the light side had put himself into. He mostly just talked, reciting each and every thought that came to his head in detail, watching to see if he could get an entertaining reaction out of the ever-stoic Logan Sanders.

It didn’t really work. Logan was stupidly boring with his stuffy clothes and perfect schedule and condescending eyebrow raises. He didn’t say much the first few times he stopped by, their “talks” only lasting ten-to-fifteen minutes at most, but after a week he seemed to warm up to the idea of talking to Remus a little.

He’d ask questions- ask where Remus had gotten an idea, or ask him to expand on a particularly disturbing thought- and while Remus didn’t always have an answer, it was nice to not be completely shoved aside and ignored for once. Besides, Remus always thought of the best answers to those sorts of things on the spot. He liked the challenge of having to think on his feet.

It was still weird, though. But Logan kept showing up, day after day, and Remus could almost pretend he wasn’t the only one enjoying their talks.

He knew that Logan didn’t want to be here, of course. Their meetings were on his calendar, so it was obviously an obligation. He was doing it so Thomas could get some sleep, and Remus could be a little less of a burden. Of course.

Remus had only only expected it to last a few days, if he was honest. A week at most. He knew he was a lot to deal with, especially alone, and he knew it would only be a matter of time until Logan decided it was all too much and forgot all about their little “arrangement”.

But Logan came back the next week, and the week after that, and soon fifteen minutes turned into twenty, then thirty, and some days he even stayed almost a whole hour.

Remus found he actually felt a little less agitated after Logan left, his head just a tiny bit more quiet. Tormenting Thomas was the closest thing he’d ever had to talking things out, and it was a little discouraging when the reactions were either horrified screams, insults, or pretending he didn’t exist.

Logan actually listened. He listened and engaged.

Remus loved Janus. And Deceit did what he could, but he didn’t have the same tolerance as Logan did for some of the gross things Remus came up with.

Maybe Logic would be open to dissecting something with him sometime…?

-

He should have known it wouldn’t last. Nobody stuck around Remus very long. He always did something to fuck it up.

He really should have known the way he’d treated Logan when he’d first made his appearance would be a problem. Logic separated himself from the Imagination, the side grounded deeply in reality, but a lack of lasting damage didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.

Remus had still hurt Logan to prove a point. And then had promptly moved on and forgotten about it until the next time it was brought up. Sometimes object permanence- or lack thereof- was a pain in the ass.

Remus had been ranting as usual, pacing around his room while Logan watched from the chair. He honestly couldn’t even remember what he was talking about, his mouth moving without much thought as it tended to do.

Whatever it was, he’d gotten worked up and excited, pacing the room, waving and flapping his arms as he talked, smile bright and mischievous and he whirled back to face Logan and-

And Logan flinched back, squeezing his eyes shut as his hands clutched the arm of his chair, shoulders hunched protectively.

It only lasted a second, Logan quickly pulling himself together and compulsively smoothing his tie once again. He seemed to do that when he was trying to pretend he was collected, Remus had noticed. His shoulders uncurled as he leaned forward again, but he wouldn’t quite look Remus in the eyes.

“Continue,” Logan said, when he realized Remus had stopped talking. “You were rambling about...something objectively disgusting.”

“I’m not stupid, you know.” Remus said, crossing his arms and ignoring the stupid, pointless hurt that blossomed in his chest when Logan couldn’t even recall what Remus had been saying. “I saw that.”

Logan blinked, staring at the Duke blankly. “Saw what?”

“You flinched.”

Logan scoffed, adjusting his glasses to avoid meeting Remus’s eyes. Again. “I did no such thing.”

“No, you did. I saw it.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan said, jumping right back into that emotionless facade he was so obsessed with. “Are you going to continue?”

Remus couldn’t even remember what he’d been talking about, his head flooded with images of Logan flinching away, eyes wide in terror, scrambling to get away.

Logan with a throwing star embedded in his forehead, with his mouth full of blood, crimson dripping down his forehead and chin, seeping into his pristine clothes and staining his tie. The thoughts seemed to dip into that spiral they always went down, swirling down the metaphorical drain pipe into his metaphorical pit-of-sewage excuse for a brain.

“No,” Remus said, shaking the thoughts away for the moment. Like stirring the cesspool a little so all the muck settled to the bottom. Metaphorically. “I’m good.”

Logan sighed, and Remus stepped away as the logical side stood up from his chair. “Then we’re done for the day.”

“Bye then.”

If there was one thing Remus was good at, it was pretending not to be bothered by the little things, by the way everyone perceived him. He was a terror and a burden, and he enjoyed it. It was funny! He didn’t care if he was liked, intrusive thoughts were never liked.

Remus flopped down on his bed, watching Logan’s back as he left. He was moving quickly, almost panicked, slipping out the door and closing it shut behind him.

Remus didn’t care if the stupid light sides liked him. He never had. But Logan… Logan was scared. Of him.

Scaring people was never the goal. Making Logan flinch like Remus was going to hurt him was never the goal.

Logan would deny it to his grave, of course. He was stupidly stubborn like that, somehow more stubborn than even Remus at times.

He’d insist that Logic had never felt a revolting feeling like fear in his life. He had no feelings on the matter, and Remus couldn’t frighten him because Logan had no feelings at all. Not enjoyment, not dislike, and not fear. Remus was another obligation on his schedule. Something to attend to. Nothing more.

And while Remus knew all of that was true… he also knew Logan was full of shit. He had feelings. His feelings might even be stronger than Patton’s or Roman’s. (Though it was doubtful. Weepy bitches they were- far too emotional for Remus’s tastes.)

And he was afraid of Remus. He’d made that perfectly clear today.

He… didn’t know how to fix that. His job wasn’t to fix problems. He made the problems. It’s better to start now than to never start at all, he supposed.

Well, obviously he had to start by finding a new coping mechanism. Logan was helpful, and possibly the healthiest outlet Remus had ever had, but he wouldn’t force someone who was terrified of him to come sit in his room and listen to him talk about guts and gore for an hour. He would have to find something to do in place of their talks.

A part of him doubted Logan would even come back again. Remus had caught him flinching, and with Remus’s reputation he wouldn’t be surprised if Logan assumed he would use the fear to his advantage.

And yeah, maybe under different circumstances he would have. Scaring people was fun but… not like this.

But that was fine, he could readjust to being alone. He’d done it before. He could lock himself in the Imagination, annoy Janus until he finally snapped and drove him away, maybe even pay Thomas another visit if he really got desperate.

He wasn’t disappointed. He’d gone his whole life without Logan’s company, he had no reason to miss it. It wasn’t fair to miss something he had barely begun to get used to. Logan was annoying and boring and stuck up, and Remus didn’t know why he enjoyed his company in the first place.

Not that he enjoyed it. He didn’t. He didn’t care.

He spent all night feeding himself those repeating lies, preparing to entertain himself all on his own tomorrow, so he was almost more annoyed than surprised when Logan walked right into his room the next day, same time as always.

Remus sat up in bed, watching in disbelief as Logan made his way to the chair and set his notebook on the table, settling in like nothing had changed.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Logan looked up at him, hands folded neatly in his lap. “I said I would make an effort to see you everyday. I put it in my schedule. If I’m not going to be able to make it, I will inform you the day before.”

“Oh,” Remus said, not bothering to move from the bed. “Well, that’s boring and predictable.”

“I prefer to have a schedule rather than do things on a whim. And I’m here now.”

“Yes,” Remus said, shifting to stare blankly at the wall beside Logan’s head. He bet he could spit that far if he really tried. “You are.”

There was a beat of silence that didn’t often exist in Remus’s room. Usually he would start talking right away about whatever late night thoughts he’d been plagued with, chatting on excitedly until Logan cut in to add something dumb and nerdy.

Remus didn’t plan on breaking the silence this time, choosing to sit and quietly dwell on his thoughts on his own, smirking at the utterly baffled look on Logan’s face.

Logan cleared his throat, frowning slightly. “What’s on your mind?”

“Lot’s of things!”

“Are you going to talk about them?” Logan asked. “That is why I’m here.”

“Nah.” He hated this, hated the way Logan was pretending to care, like he didn’t want to get up right now and run as far away from Remus as possible. Just like everyone else. “Intrusive thoughts aren’t always words, Nerdy Wolverine.”

He saw Logan shift uncomfortably, eyes darting briefly to the door, and Remus realized that might not have been the best way to phrase things.

“Ah,” Logan said, sitting back like he wasn’t terrified. “You can always show me instead. That is what I’m here for.”

“I’m good,” Remus said, doing his best to sound uncaring. “It’s gross.”

“Yes, I’m aware it probably is.” Another beat of silence and Logan sighed, standing from his chair. “Remus. The point of me being here is to keep Thomas’s intrusive thoughts under control. We’ve discussed this.”

And Remus knew Logan didn’t actually enjoy Remus’s company, he’d known that from the beginning, but it still hurt to hear. It hurt something fierce, a deep, sharp slash in his chest that he would swear he could feel, that he was just something to “keep under control”.

He pushed the feeling down, flashing Logan a toothy grin that he knew looked ridiculously fake. “Okay.”

Logan sighed again, pushing up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. Remus wondered if he could frustrate Logic into storming out. “I’m here to help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“You do,” Logan argued, like he had any idea. “Surely talking to someone is better than being alone with your thoughts,”

Remus scowled, shoving himself off the bed and stalking past Logan, moving towards one of the various piles of rubble and bones scattered around his room. He bet Logan hated how cluttered it was in here.

“At least my thoughts don’t pretend to care about me.”

Remus kicked idly at something that looked a bit like a spine, staring blankly at the floor as he let his words settle.

“What?” Logan sounded genuinely confused for the first time. “What does that mean?”

“Hm?” Remus glanced over his shoulder, grinning. “What did I say?”

Logan stepped forward, shoes clicking against the floor, echoing against the now silent room. “I do not understand why you’re suddenly being difficult.”

“Suddenly?”

“Yes, suddenly,” Logan said, and Remus turned away again with an eye roll. “We had an arrangement.”

“Did we?”

“Yes.” Logan touched his arm, and Remus yanked away so fast he thought he might have pulled something. “This is beneficial for everyone.”

“Right,” Remus scoffed. “For everyone.”

Logan actually had the audacity to look taken aback, brow drawing in further confusion. “Yes? You have an outlet, and Thomas gets a break.”

“I don’t need it. I can bash skulls in the Imagination.”

“Which is significantly more unhealthy.”

Remus shrugged, kicking another bone until it slammed into the wall. “It’s easy and fun.”

“We were doing fine,” Logan said, trying to move around him so Remus would meet his gaze. “I thought coming in to talk to you was helping.”

“You don’t care,” Remus snapped. “And you don’t want to listen.”

“I want to,” Logan said. “That is why I’m here.”

“Right.”

“I am incredibly busy, Remus,” Logan said, and Remus felt like he was being lectured. “I would not be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“Then get gone!” Remus spun around gesturing to the door. “Just fucking leave already!”

“I think I’d prefer to stay.”

“You said you’re busy,” Remus snarled. “If you’re so busy you don’t need to carve out time for me.”

“I chose to.”

“Thomas can live with intrusive thoughts,” Remus said. “He’ll be fine. Patton and Virgil will ease up eventually. You should be focused on them.”

“I have been.” Logan was still staring at him, and at this point Remus was considering storming out of his own room. “I have time for you.”

“I thought you were busy,” Remus argued, back to being difficult on purpose. “Which is it? Are you busy or do you have time?”

Logan sighed, and now Remus felt like a child throwing a tantrum. “I’ve made time. I’m making time for you.”

“Right.”

“I don’t understand what changed,” Logan said. “I thought you were getting some enjoyment out of our talks.”

“Yeah, I was,” Remus admitted because despite everything, that was the truth. “But you aren’t.”

It took a moment for Logan to respond, no less confused than before. “I am perfectly content.”

“Yeah?” Remus finally turned around to face him, looking the logical side right in the eyes. “Then why did you flinch?”

Logan blinked, shoulders tense, a mix of panic and understanding flickering in his eyes. “I...did not flinch.”

“Yes, you did. Don’t lie.”

It was Logan’s turn to scoff, like Remus was being ridiculous and dramatic. And he often was, but he was serious this time. “I don’t see how one involuntary movement has become such a big deal.”

Remus didn’t look away, even as Logan’s eyes began to wander. “You’re afraid of me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan said. “I do not feel fear.”

“Yes you do.” Remus stepped closer, taking in the way Logan’s jaw clenched. “You have feelings.”

“No I don’t.”

“You do.”

“You’re figuratively jumping to conclusions,” Logan said, quickly changing the subject. “I am perfectly content spending time with you.”

“I’m not jumping to anything,” Remus said. “You’re scared.”

Logan rolled his eyes, hands lifting to brush over his tie before crossing his arms across his chest. Compulsory comfort action.

“You think you saw me flinch once and now you believe that I’m afraid of you, when there is no logical reason to be. You cannot cause any lasting damage to me, so I—”

Remus lifted a hand without warning, fast and sudden like he was going to strike Logan, keeping it frozen in the air as he took in the reaction before him.

Logan flinched back as soon as Remus moved, his own hands moving to protect his face, eyes glued to Remus’s raised arm, widening in genuine fear and shock.

Remus sighed, slowly lowering his hand as he watched Logan struggle to compose himself. “You’re afraid of me.”

“No,” Logan still had the audacity to argue. “I am not.”

“You flinched.”

Logan fixed his tie again. Remus knew it was some kind of nervous tic. “You startled me.”

“I lifted my hand.”

“Yes,” Logan agreed. “Unexpectedly.”

Remus sighed and stepped back out of Logan’s space, too tired to keep arguing.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He winced at his own words, images flashing in his mind of Logan stumbling backwards with wide eyes, of Logan covered in blood, of Patton screaming. “Not again, anyway.”

“Well,” Logan said, carefully clearing his throat. “You can understand that I wasn’t exactly…sure. That does not mean I dislike you. Or that I’m frightened of you.”

Remus found himself looking at his shoes, trying and failing to get images of Logan hurt, Logan dying, out of his stupid cesspool sewage pipe head.

He wondered if this was what guilt felt like. If it was, maybe he should start being nicer to Patton. This sucked dick and balls.

“I won’t.”

“And I appreciate that,” Logan said. “But you could not cause any lasting damage to me anyway.”

“So? It still, like… hurt you. I’m not gonna do it again.”

“Well then, I have no reason to be afraid.” Logan straightened, smiling at Remus like that had just solved everything. “Which I wasn’t in the first place.”

Remus’s eyes narrowed. “You flinched.”

“Yes I did,” Logan admitted. “I apologize for that. I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

Remus didn’t move, staring at Logan in disbelief, at a loss for words for the first time in his life. He hoped the exhaustion on his face resembled a glare at least a little bit.

“I don’t… understand,” Logan said, and Remus couldn't even stay mad at him. “Was an apology not what you wanted?”

“No, Logan. I don’t want anything.”

Logan tilted his head slightly, brow furrowed, and Remus could practically see the gears turning as he looked Remus over. “You’re still upset.”

“Why’re you still here?” Remus finally demanded, throwing his arms out in exasperation. “If you’re afraid of me why don’t you just leave?”

Logan blinked, seemingly unfazed. “Because I enjoy talking to you.”

Logic may as well have just punched him right in the chest, the air leaving his lungs in a rush as he took a step back, choking out a shocked laugh. “That can’t be it.”

Logan frowned. “Why not?”

“Nobody enjoys talking to me.”

“Well,” Logan said slowly, and it was like Remus could see some of his walls coming down. “If it helps, no one particularly enjoys talking to me, either.”

Remus wasn’t entirely convinced that was true, but he figured he wasn’t the right one to give Logan a talk on self esteem.

“I like talking to you,” he said instead. “I just think you’re kinda stuffy.”

“I enjoy talking to you as well,” Logan said, and it really did sound like he meant it. “I would just prefer if your more violent thoughts were not physically manifested.”

“Oh.” Remus swallowed, absolutely refusing to show Logic how much this meant to him. He wasn’t going to cry. “Yeah, I can...do that. Sure.”

“Then I’m glad we could come to an understanding,” Logan said, right back to the stiff, professional persona Remus was learning to see right through. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Remus nodded, and realized he was actually starting to believe him this time. “Yeah. Ok. That’s good.”

Logan stepped back out of Remus’s space and Remus quickly did the same, the two of them standing on opposite sides of the Duke’s now painfully silent bedroom.

“I can leave,” Logan said after a moment. “If you’d still like me to.”

Remus hesitated, fighting to keep acting like he didn’t care. “Do you want to leave?”

“Not particularly,” Logan said, and Remus hadn’t expected to feel so relieved. “But it’s your room. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not.” Remus moved back to his bed, dropping himself unceremoniously onto his back. “Don’t leave if you don’t want to. I don’t care.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

Logan pulled up his usual chair, leaning back comfortably as he picked his notebook back up and began flipping idly through it. He looked content and relaxed when Remus risked a glance in his direction, and he smiled to himself.

“You can talk if you like,” Logan said, glancing up from the pages. “I’m listening.”

Remus did eventually start talking, dumping his latest ideas on Logan like he usually did, diving into last night’s fantasy of setting an office building on fire in the middle of the week.

Logan had added on, and Remus had listened intently as he’d recited statistics and calculations, the likelihood of survival, and the two of them eventually decided it would be a waste of time, the fire likely to be put out before even causing any real damage to the building.

That was a talent Logan had. He could get Remus to let go of a thought that typically wouldn’t have left him alone for weeks.

It wasn’t until Logan had stood up to leave for dinner, promising he’d be back at the same time tomorrow, that Remus realized Logan had stayed twice as long as he usually did.

Huh.

Weird.

[mieohmy]

𝖳𝗐𝗈 𝖯𝖾𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝖯𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 | 𝖧𝗎𝖺𝗇𝗀 𝖱𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗎𝗇

PAIRING: best friend! huang renjun x reader

GENRE: fluff, angst, humor, best-friends-to-lovers, childhood-friends-to-lovers, university! au, best friends! au, matchmaking! au, coming of age au

WC: 4.9k

NOTES: none ?/

SUMMARY: in which the universe gives you five quite obvious signs that you should be dating your best friend, but who said it was going to be that easy?

      ⇒ part of the five days a week special. 

#ONE. you met as little kids by fate. 

(or so that’s what you liked to say.)

It was always a pleasant memory to reflect back on when you met your best friend of more than 10 years, huang renjun. You were two peas in a pod, there was never one without the other. Even now, many, many years later where you’re simply two best friends attending college together, barely getting by each day, you never fail to tell the tale to others with a sparkle in your eyes, a fond look on your face.

Back then, little five-year-old you didn’t have to worry about your studies, your bills, your life. Things were a lot simpler. 

The only thing you had to worry about was the other kids at the playground. Your mother was chatting away with the other moms, only checking up on your existence every once in a while when she occasionally remembered. 

Then (and to this day, you still remember what happened so vividly) lee haechan -that little son of a gun- made some stupid remark about your hair, and what else would a five-year-old do but cry?

And when none of the other kids did anything, only laughing and giggling with a cocky little haechan in the middle of them, you cried even harder, getting up and running away from this horrible place. 

You weren’t really sure where your tiny legs took you, but you continued your escape, tears blurring your vision. 

When you finally came to your senses, finally stopped crying, and only left with the sniffles, is when you properly looked at your surroundings.

It was suddenly much darker outside, the sun already disappearing and stars preparing for their entrance. And you found yourself in a dark alley, tall, looming walls trapping you on either side. 

It was empty and deserted, and you felt the solidarity closing in around you. 

Unsure what to do, you kept going on, walking down the dark and dangerous alleyway, scared and afraid. 

You called for your mom and dad. 

Once. Twice. 

Nothing. 

The tears started back up. A sudden noise- until now, you’re still not sure what it was, maybe a rat?- startled you, and then the fear really began to set in again. 

You sat down in the middle of the alleyway, shaking and scrunching your face up in despair. 

Then a crunch sounded from behind you, and you spun around frantically, eyes glittering with unshed tears. 

It’s not what you expected. 

You didn’t expect another kid to be looking back at you. And a completely unfamiliar one at that too. 

He stared down at you, an unreadable expression on his face. The boy looked around the same age as you, give or take. 

But how did he also get here?

You finally spoke up, voice small. “H-how did you find me?”

He sighed, shrugging and kicking the ground with his foot. “I’m not sure. I just moved to this city so I wandered around. and then I forgot where I was and ended up here.” 

You wiped away your tears. “So you’re lost too?”

He simply nods. 

“I-I don’t know how I ended up here. I was just at the playground.....” New tears formed at the corner of your eyes as a pout began to settle on your lips.

The boy huffed. “Crying isn’t going to do anything.”

There’s a silence. Which was followed by increasing sniffles. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Please don’t cry.” He grimaced, looking around. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll find us a way out of here.” 

“How?” You wailed. 

“Well... I actually don’t know....”

You cried out for your mom again, sitting on the cold, hard ground. 

The boy panicked, scratching his head. “Here, uhh, what’s your name?”

You managed to say your name between sucks of breath. 

“Here, y/n.” His voice was smooth and soft, comforting. He squatted down next to you, hand holding out an unfamiliarly shaped object. 

“What is that?”

“Candy. From my old home. And it’s really yummy.” 

“But,” he continued, “you can only have it if you promise to stop crying and come with me.”

You immediately sat up straight, wiping away the wetness again for the nth time. “I promise.”

He smiled and unwrapped it for you, placing it in your palm. You quickly placed it in your mouth, enjoying the tangy taste flooding your senses. You giggled, looking back up at the boy. 

He got up from his knees, holding a hand out and beaming at you. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”

“But.....” you trailed off, instead opting to just take his tiny hand. 

You never forgot the gleaming look in his eyes as he pulled you along, warm hand wrapped around yours. You never forgot the blanket of safety and security you felt, just by being at his side.  

And when your parents found you two soon after with the police, scared and worried to death, you realized you never asked his name before they took you away to the safety of your home. 

But there was no need. 

Four days later at school, your teacher introduced a new student to your class. 

You immediately sat up straight in your chair once you got a good look at who it was. 

It was him. The voice, speech, -everything was the same. 

“My name is Huang Renjun.”

You echoed his name in your head, wishing to store it safely in the depths of your heart. And when the teacher gestured for him to join the rest of your class, you eagerly got up-the first one might you add-walking over and holding out your hand with a toothy smile. 

“Nice to meet you, Huang Renjeon!”

“It’s renjun!” he immediately snapped. 

Your face fell. 

Renjun sighed, taking your still extended hand. 

“Nice to meet you too, I guess....”

And from then on, you would’ve never guessed how much he would mean to you in the years to come. 

#TWO. you guys somehow have the same interests and hobbies. 

Coincidence, perhaps? Or a sign?

You both found out pretty early on that you shared a lot of common interests- drawing, singing, whatever you did, Renjun did too. Well, maybe all interests and hobbies except for one of your newly developed ones.

Renjun has no clue when it started, perhaps it was right after school started back up again? Or maybe after thanksgiving break?

Either way, your new hobby was getting on his nerves. 

If your best friend suddenly started setting you up with random girls, wouldn’t you be a tad annoyed too? 

Yes, sometime in the first half of school-Renjun couldn’t help but shudder- you started playing matchmaker. 

“Instead of bothering me, you should get a girlfriend or a boyfriend,” you insisted. And he declined. 

Renjun couldn’t help but wonder what brought this on. You had never done anything quite like this before, it was utterly confusing.

When he asked, you simply stated something along the lines of-

“In all my years of knowing you, I’ve never seen you have a crush or been romantically interested in anyone.” (He rolled his eyes at that.) “It’s like a fun quest... I’m on a mission to find you a compatible partner!” (He double rolled his eyes at that.) 

And today was no different. 

Renjun pushes the door out from your shared art class, holding it open for you.

He checks the time with his other free hand. “Do you wanna go to the coffee shop down the street? I know your test isn’t for another two days.”

You grimace, walking along the sidewalk next to him. “I don’t know, I still feel like I don’t understand anything at all....”

Renjun squeezes your hand, which you didn’t even realize had grabbed yours. “Come on, y/n. You need to take a break. I can help you cram tomorrow.”

You scrunch your face in disbelief. “Really?”

Renjun blinks twice, a sure sign that you quickly picked up on when you were younger that he was, to be frank, straight-up lying in your face. 

“Of course.”

You scoff, head tilting to the side for a couple of seconds before focusing on him again with a smirk on your face, a lightbulb going off in your brain. Renjun silently gulps. 

“I’ll go with you if you go out on a date with my new friend.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, he groans, stomping his foot and running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Again with the dating? You’ve set me up on at least seven- and none of them have worked out!”

“Yeah, and because of who?” you mutter under your breath. 

“What?” 

Your head snaps up, and you quickly shoot a smile to appease him. 

“Nothing, I promise you’ll like her. Even though we just met, she’s super nice- she’s into the whole alien conspiracy too!”

Renjun’s eyes bore into yours, unmoving. He tries his best not to break- no matter how hard it may seem. 

“Please?” You pout, bringing your face closer and closer to his. 

He fakes a disgusted look, although the reddening of his ears says otherwise. Letting out a sound of protest, he skillfully avoids your intense gaze. “Alright, alright! Geez, if it makes you happy then I’ll do it.....”

You laugh in success, a bright, clear sound that rings through renjun’s body, before taking his hand and dragging him along down the street. 

✢

“He can just come home and stay with us!” Your mother’s voice filters through the phone from the other end, insistent and no-nonsense tone making you sigh and your voice come out hesitantly.

“But mom.....” you bite your lip, spinning in your chair in circles, a perfect representation of how you currently felt.

Her indignant voice cuts back in. “What’s wrong with renjun living with us for the break? He’s practically family!!”

There’s a pause.

“Why? Did you two fight? Or do you not like him anymore?”

You sit up rigid in your chair. “What?! No- it’s nothing like that...” 

“Well, then tell him he’s free to come and stay at our house.” 

You grumble in defeat, saying a half-hearted goodbye before hanging up the phone. 

Don’t take this the wrong way, you would love for Renjun to live with you and your parents for spring break- especially after he revealed he couldn’t go back home to his parent's place that was like at least a 4-hour drive- but that meant seeing him every day. 

And seeing him every day meant you basically had every chance to tell him- something you’ve been hiding from your best friend for months now. 

It definitely wasn’t easy keeping a secret from renjun- your best friend who knows almost everything about you, but you would say it was a pretty big and important decision.

Not to mention the fact that it would completely alter your whole relationship with him. 

✢

“Renjun!!!!” Your mom practically squeals, engulfing him in a tight hug. You watch from the side, unamused.  

“What about your own child?”

She rolls her eyes, ushering the both of you into the brightly lit house. 

Renjun drags his suitcase past the threshold, taking in the view of the familiar house that he hasn’t seen in so long, or that hasn’t changed one bit either. 

“You can stay in y/n’s room, right?”

You jolt upward, two heads turning to your mother with wide eyes and dropped opened mouths. “What?”

Your mother crosses her arms. “What? I thought you two slept in the same room all the time?”

“When we were younger....” Renjun mumbles. 

“You guys have been best friends for so long and you suddenly can’t share a room?”

You pinch your nose bridge, puffing out a breath of frustration. “Alright, alright, Renjun can stay in my room.”

You lead the way up to your bedroom, pushing open the door slowly. You’re not sure what to expect- nothing’s really changed after all. Renjun smiles at the sudden wave of memories washing over him, all your old photos and things kept in your room still in the exact places.

“It’s the same.”

You nod, laughing softly. “Yeah, you think I underwent a dramatic transformation or something? Not under your watch.”

You walk over to a middle school photo of you two, the cringey phase still not set in yet, laughing and giggling at the youthful versions of you. 

You make a quick joke at your awkward hairstyle back then, turning to catch renjun’s reaction. 

He stares at you with a soft smile and a hidden, deeper meaning shining through his eyes, and it catches you off guard. 

When he finally notices the sudden change in the air, snapping out his daze, your mother’s voice cuts through the silence, a commanding shout calling the both of you down for dinner. 

You decide to clear your throat, stiffly gesturing for him towards the door so you two can go down to eat. You don’t mention it, and neither does Renjun.

After dinner, which was just formalities and boring catch-up, you decided to head up back to your room to get ready for bed. 

You collapse on your bed with a sigh, feeling content with a full belly after stuffing your face with home-cooked meals as Renjun stands awkwardly to the side. 

“If you want... I can sleep on the ground. Your mom gave me blankets and pillows so- uh, yeah.”

Your eyes fly open, staring at the ceiling conflictedly. 

“I guess so.”

There’s a painful silence as you get ready for bed. 

Renjun sets up a temporary makeshift mattress on the ground, muttering a quiet goodnight as you flick off the light switch. 

Then it’s dark. And you can’t sleep. 

It’s been perhaps 10 minutes since you turned the lights off? And there’s not a single inch of sleep in your body. 

Your body keeps tossing and turning, mind wandering off to unimportant (read: very important) things. Like your best friend sleeping on the cold, hard ground. 

And suddenly you can’t take it anymore. You let out a loud huff, sitting up in bed in a ruckus. 

You stare at the dark figure on the floor, now alarmed, and turned around at the sound of your outburst, staring back up at you in the dark with a curious look. 

You roll your eyes, scooting over to make room in the spacious bed for one person -and just barely enough for two. 

“You thought I was really gonna let you sleep on the ground?”

“Huh?”

You don’t say anything, just patting the space next to you. 

“Get over here.”

He waits for a second before hesitantly and slowly getting up, like frightened prey in front of their predator. 

You open the covers, welcoming Renjun in with a more content sigh, already feeling warmer and suddenly sleepy. It's a tight squeeze for the both of you, but it just feels right. 

On the other hand, Renjun wills his body to relax. He marvels at how you seem so calm and nonchalant sharing your bed with him. 

To renjun, sharing a bed was a memento of your trust. It was you at your most vulnerable, and still, you were comfortable with letting him in- even if you used to do it all the time when you were younger. 

“Goodnight, renjun.”

He swallows. “Goodnight.”

And when he confirms that you’re asleep, the only sign of movement was through the slow rise and fall of your body, renjun finally whispers the one, two, three words before joining you in dreamland - the truth inside him, the truth that’s practically killing him. 

✢

Your mom places a plate full of tangerines on the table for you and Renjun, the bright, appetizing fruits gleaming in front of you. 

You stare at the plate, not moving, even when Renjun picks up one for himself and starts peeling. 

Your mom frowns. “Why aren’t you eating one, y/n?”

You shrug, placing an elbow on the table for your chin to rest on. But before you can say anything, a hand appears in front of your face. 

You blink, a neatly peeled tangerine suddenly comes into focus, held out in front of you. 

Your head whips to the side. Renjun rolls his eyes, nudging the tangerine closer towards you. 

“Just take it. I know you’re too lazy to peel your own anyways.”

You suddenly feel warm under the gaze of your mom, taking the fruit from him with a small thanks. 

“You guys are so cute.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

Renjun and you share a look, turning back towards your mom. It wasn’t strange for her to say something like that- she always made those kinds of comments about you two, but the way your mom said it this time seemed.... different. like it held much more meaning to it. 

“What do you mean?”

She suddenly laughs, shaking her head with a content sigh. 

“Nothing. It’s just a shame you have to leave us so soon. You’re really gonna miss them, aren’t you renjun?”

He stops chewing immediately. 

“What?”

Your chair moves out from under you with an abrupt, harsh screech as you stand up with wide and panicked eyes, chest heaving. 

Renjun gets up as well, boring holes into you with an intense and confused stare. “What is your mom talking about, y/n?”

You’re not sure what to do, your heart thundering and blood rushing in your ears as you glance, conflicted, between your mom and Renjun. 

You catch her raising a hand to her mouth, shocked but still bewildered. “You didn’t tell him?”

Renjun’s eyes never left you once. “Tell me what, y/n?”

You wish you could’ve said that you sat back down calmly and explained everything to Renjun- everything you’ve been hiding from him. 

Instead, you can only cringe as your legs move on their own accord and take you blasting out from your house in an escape.

In other words, running away from your feelings. 

Until somehow, you find yourself at the local library, bursting through the doors without a single regard for the closing time and signs decorating the doors. 

All you needed was to escape. 

But renjun would never let you do that. 

You hear his footsteps echoing yours, attempting to keep up with your furious pace. 

“Y/n-stop running from me!”

You don’t say anything, ignoring his words and pushing past the countless bookshelves. 

Until you reach a dead-end, the books staring back at you almost tauntingly. 

“Y/n.” His voice echoes from behind you. 

“Please look at me.”

You clench your fists, attempting to breathe in and out steadily, but your voice still comes out small and strained. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Please... for me?”

You curse your best friend- you could never resist him. 

Slowly and reluctantly, you turn around to face Renjun. 

He states at you, so concerned and almost hurt, it makes your heart clench. “Y/n...”

You close your eyes, inhaling and exhaling once more. “You’re right. I should explain. But first, I think we should go to a more appropriate place...” you mumble. 

Keeping his mouth shut, Renjun tersely nods and attempts to open the door. (Note: attempts)

#THREE. you somehow get locked in a library together. alone.

Renjun groans, falling back on the ground with a thud. His previous attempts to get the door open failed- obviously. 

How could you be such an idiot to forget that the library closed at 6pm? Which was around the same time you- in a flurry of emotions- ran past the doors with Renjun hot on your trails. 

And that was probably how the automatic doors locked right as the clock struck 12, meaning your fate was completely sealed in. 

You slump to the ground, hopeless with no phone or any way to contact help since you ran away in such a rush.  

Your voice comes out dead, monotone. “Give up renjun. No one is going to find us until the library opens back up in the morning...”

He gives one last shove, one last fruitless attempt before making his way over and collapsing on the ground next to you. 

A tense silence falls over the room. 

Renjun waits patiently. He tries, gives it at least a couple of minutes before he can’t take it anymore, and calls your name out again. 

You bite your lip, knowing this was inevitable. 

Taking a deep breath, you start quietly, already knowing exactly what he wanted, and so rightfully deserved.

An explanation. 

“Basically... I applied and got into a program overseas that I really wanted. Which means in the summer, I’ll be leaving for at least a year.”

“Or maybe even longer if it goes well,” you lamely add. 

He waits for a beat. 

“That’s all. I would’ve told you earlier, but I didn’t know how long I would stay and... I didn’t know how to bring it up to you.” You whisper guiltily, fiddling with your hands and knees brought up to your chest, head bowed. 

Renjun feels numb.

Is this normal? 

Is it normal to feel this way? 

Because the only thought running through his head is- how will he even be able to live without you? Without seeing your cute face at least once a day- or making random jokes to make you burst laughing or that only the two of you understand? 

Your smiling and cheerful face brightening up his day? Your jokes and quirky banter that always keeps him on his toes? You, who’s always been by his side since you were little kids playing tag on the playground? 

He can’t help but wonder, barely finding the words. 

“....then what was all the setting me up with random people all about? Why do that when you’re about to leave me behind without even saying a single word?”

You inhale, voice small. 

“I wanted to find you someone else like a partner so that you wouldn’t be lonely without me-“

“I wanted to find you someone who could keep you company so you wouldn’t be thinking about me too much. I didn’t want you to be lonely.” you say, voice cracking. 

What you truly and honestly meant was- 

I don’t want to see you move on from me and forget me while I’m thousands of miles away. So instead, I went ahead and tried to find a good person to take care of you, one that I believe is best for you. 

Or in other words, I didn’t want to get my heart broken by huang renjun, so I went ahead and did it on my own. 

Your eyes blink back unshed tears, not understanding why it hurts so much to think about your best friend with someone else, why you don’t want to give him up so easily.

Them living the life that you never knew you wanted with renjun. 

I want you to find someone who cares for you and needs you the way I wish I could-

who loves you the way I wish I could. 

“That’s why I tried to pair you up with a good person- someone who wants you as much as you want them.”

You exhale shakily, trying to avoid eye contact or catch renjun’s reaction. 

“But what if they’re never going to be who I want?”

You hesitate, confused and wondering if you misheard him. 

“W-what?” 

He finally gets the chance, and the sudden confidence to say what he's always wanted to say. What he's been too much of a coward to admit before. 

“I love you.” 

“And anyone else you try to match me up will never be enough because I only want you,” he continues. 

You can barely speak up. “Huh?”

He doesn’t respond, only coming closer with his eyes full of unspoken emotions, forcing you to stare back with your glimmering ones. You swallow, confused at what he’s doing but weirdly entranced, simply watching as he brings a hand to tilt your chin up. 

Renjun asks silently with his eyes, a question to confirm that you’re comfortable - that this is okay and what you want. 

You nod, barely a perceptible one but it’s enough for him. 

#FOUR. he kisses you.

Your eyes widen, body stiffening. And then Renjun quickly pulls back, worried at your lack of a reaction. 

You don’t give him a chance to say anything though, as you pull him back in by the shirt, properly expressing your emotions this time through your lips. 

And he gets it, reciprocating with every part of his body. 

It feels so right. 

This must be it. 

You like your best friend. No, you’re in love with your best friend, even if you knew it before or not.

✢

Eventually, you were able to talk it out and come to an understanding. (as well as escape by calling out for help and getting an unsuspecting passerby to dial for help.)

The next months spent with him were the best days of your life. It was spent exploring new feelings, new experiences that were different from before, living your life to the fullest with your loved ones, and counting down the days until you had to leave. 

You talked about long distance. And the difficulties that came with it. 

But in the end, there’s an unspoken understanding between you two. 

Until the day finally comes. The day of your flight across the world. The day you leave it all behind. 

Your parents already shed their tears the day and night before- including today. You give them one last hug, enjoying the safety of their embrace one last time, before pulling away to face your best friend. 

Your best friend, your boyfriend, your lover, the one person in the world that means everything to you. Your renjun. 

You smile, tears brimming your eyes as he engulfs you in his warmth. 

“I promise I won’t ever forget you.”

“I hope not,” he jokingly whispers back and you hit him softly. 

Just slightly pulling back, noses barely touching, he stares at you with adoration evident in his eyes.  

“I promise I’ll always love you. One day.”

You echo his words. 

“But you know,” you start teasingly, “I could just mess it up and then come back quickly-“

He squeezes you. “If you did that then I would personally go over to where you were and break up with you,” he threatens.

Rolling your red eyes, you add, “ don’t start getting over me and dating others too soon.” He shakes his head playfully, eyes brimming with tears that were just waiting to overflow. 

“I love you, huang renjun.”

“I love you and always will, y/n y/l/n.” He whispers back.

One last hug, one last kiss before you’re released. 

And with that, you’re in the car on the way to the airport, taking off with his heart. 

This is it. You’re going away. 

Away from your loved ones, and away from your home. 

 #FIVE. you find your way back.

You originally planned to keep this a secret, but overexcitement led you to spill the beans to your parents. 

But you desperately pleaded with them to keep it a secret from everyone else (meaning- your best friend) 

The overseas program was wonderful- a great experience that you never regretted accepting, and you learned a lot. 

You learned a lot about what you missed back home, and what you really needed.

It was a good choice. Maybe even the right choice- as it made you discover your true self and priorities.  

Still, it was horribly difficult to communicate with others because of the time difference, work, and busy schedules, all of which you already expected. But you finished strong, and now you were finally able to return after 2 years. 

The excitement courses through you, you can barely make it out of the car and back to your house. 

As much as you want to see renjun, your mother makes you visit your close friends and neighbors to inform them of your return. 

And at the same time, you feel anxiousness and nervousness brewing in your stomach. All the worst doubts and possibilities ring through your head-

What if he doesn’t want to see you?

What if he moved on?

What if he isn’t..... your best friend anymore?

Nonetheless, you head out, and after a few stops, you can’t help but drive to your former college, hoping for a chance to see renjun. 

You had no idea what his schedule was like- if he still even attended this college, but there was something in you that desperately hoped he was indeed here. 

Brushing past unfamiliar people, most probably underclassmen that you had no interest in, you walk around the old campus, all the places still the same to you. 

You smile when your eyes fall upon the building where your shared art class with renjun was, the best memories spent together coming back. But what you didn’t expect was to catch onto a pair of very familiar and recognizable eyes. 

Ones that locked immediately onto yours. 

You can’t resist breaking out into a wide smile from cheek to cheek, hand raising up in a greeting. 

Renjun can’t help but break into an elated grin, stopping in his tracks. 

Even when he was more than 10 feet away- with what seemed like a hundred other students passing in between, it felt like there was nothing in between you anymore, nothing blocking your path to each other. Sure it’s been two years, but it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed. 

He lifts his arm, grip tightening on his bag as he returns a wave with his other hand. 

And it truly hits him. You’re here, you’re back, and you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

You found your way back home.

a/n- aaa here’s the first installment to the 200 special! thank you to anyone waiting for being patient <3

taglist: @skrtbabe @bluejaem​ 

send an ask/dm to be added to the taglist !

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Invisible String Part 3

Good morning, guys! Honestly, i didnt think me posting was in the future but here we are lol. Ultimately, finishing the series in one part was the winner but last night my whole week fell apart and changed so I might not be able to write when I had planned too. So, I figured I’d share part 3 with you guys, to hold you over until I can get my hands on some free time to write. 

Parts: One, Two

Warnings: Swearing, maybe once. 

A/N: Italics are end of previous chapter

~~

           Mat was the first to speak, glancing up at you and taking his airpods out. “Hey,” his greeting came out on a pant, his chest heaving as if he just got done with a work out. His body was glistening with sweat and the t-shirt he was wearing was sticking to his skin, his hair falling everywhere as he ran his fingers through it.

           The sight alone had you squeezing your thighs together.

           “Hi,” you managed to squeak out, paralyzed in your spot on top of the counter.

           Mat walked towards the fridge and got a water bottle out, glancing over his shoulder and at you, “late night snack?”

           As his question filled the air, the ball inside your stomach continued to build as his eyes took in your shorts and t-shirt. The color in his eyes started to heat up and you felt a fire rise up, starting in your toes and flickering up your legs until it filled every inch of you and flamed inside your cheeks.

           Remembering he asked you a question, your hands tightened around the bowl and you cleared your throat. “Yeah. Late night work out?”

           Mat grabbed out a water and turned to face you as the fridge closed with a soft click. He moved to stand beside you, his back resting against the edge of the counter. “Just couldn’t sleep,” he answered, his deep voice filling your ears.

           As you moved to place the bowl on the space beside you, the outside of your thigh brushed his hand that was pressing into the counter by his hips and it almost stopped you in your tracks, suddenly thinking about how his hand trailed up your thigh while he slowly thrust into you. Shivers raced up your spine at that thought and you tried covering it up by asking, “got something on your mind?”

           Mat turned his head to look at you, leveling you with his gorgeous eyes and making your throat close up. It was hard remembering that you should be feeling guilty about sleeping with your best friend’s brother when he was standing this close, his cheeks rosy and hair sticking to his forehead. All those nights you let horrible and disgusted when you scrolled by his posts, or posts containing his face, just floated away in that moment and that should annoy you but it somehow didn’t.

           Mat didn’t answer but settled for silence and took his eyes off of you. You figured you poked too hard and sucked in a deep breath, looking down at your hands in your lap. You weren’t close with Mat, so you didn’t blame him for not giving you insight of something that was bothering him but you didn’t want any distaste between the two of you because you couldn’t go avoiding him the rest of your life.  

           “How come we were never closer?” Mat asked suddenly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

           You’d be lying if you never thought the same thing while growing up, but the answer was always pretty obvious. “You were always busy with hockey,” you answered, smiling nervously.

           You both stared at each other for a second. His eyes taking in every inch of your face, like he was trying to memorize it for the moments you two spent apart and you just couldn’t look away from him.

           “Would things between us be different if I didn’t leave that morning?” he whispered, his deep voice giving you goosebumps.

           You wanted to shake your head no because you two couldn’t go back there. Even if he didn’t understand or know about the promise you made to yourself, you would die if you lost Liana’s friendship over her brother.

           But instead of shaking your head no, you just stared at him, your lips parted and breathing in short puffs of air. You both played a part in the aftermath because he left in the morning, but you didn’t pick up when he called a few days after, and that’s when he didn’t bother to call anymore because it was clear you thought it was a mistake.

           Mat’s gazed turned down and you followed his eyes just as the edge of his pinkie finger brushed the skin of your thigh, moving slowly and softly, almost like you’d burst into thin air if he kept touching you.

           “Y/N,” Mat whispered.

           You were almost scared to look at him because when you did, it meant it was all over for you. Every second that ticked past meant you were that much closer to forgetting everything around you, how it could hurt his sister and how it would make you feel like you weren’t any better than the other girls that used Liana.

           You were afraid to acknowledge the possibility that Mat could block out the world around you.

           Mat murmured your name again and you watched his body turn towards you.

           “Mat,” you warned, your voice breaking with a gasp but the sound coming from your mouth caused more sudden movements from him, like his hand coming up to cup your jaw.

           He turned your head to face him, tilting you until his lips found yours in a mind-numbing kiss.

           You were right, he really could block out the world. The kiss pushing your scary feelings away as his body twisted until his hands were reaching down and pushing your thighs apart, making room for his hips.

           As his hands sent more flurries of shivers up your spine, yours reached to his chest, twisting his shirt and begging for him to be closer. The real shock to your system was the low groan he let out when your tongues touched, that was when his kiss got heavier and more tense. You could feel this ball building in your stomach, the ache between your thighs just growing until it was swallowing you.

           “Y/N…” His whisper fell into a moan when his big hands gripped your hips, holding on tightly.

           As his hands went up the length of your body, skimming over your ribs and brushing gently over your boobs, your hands fell down to his stomach, feeling his muscles tighten under your fingertips, behind his flimsy shirt.

           You moaned softly when his fingers wrapped themselves in your hair, tugging your head back so his lips could press against your neck. His lips felt like fire against your skin, the kind that didn’t stop unfolding and growing. The tip of his tongue dragging so slow it was like Mat had no where else to be, except in that moment with you.

           The vibration from your phone, followed by the ding, sounded like a canon going off but Mat just didn’t jump away, and his body swallowed up your jolt against his skin. The only thing he did was pull his lips away from your neck, bringing them to your ear.

           Despite just finishing up a work out, his cologne mixed with his sweat and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant but you didn’t get much time to enjoy the softness of the moment, feeling the sexual tension in his muscles melt away because you had to come back to reality.

           “We can’t do this,” you whispered, your voice shattering even though you tried to sound tough.

           “I want too,” Mat argued back, the sound soft and calming, his hand moving from your hair to cup your jaw.

           You pulled back as your hands pushed against his stomach but he didn’t give you a lot of wiggle room. He stared down at you with those heart melting eyes and you were left with nothing to say except his name, praying he understood.

           “We could be something,” he whispered, his frown and the pain in his eyes caused your stomach to drop further.

           “Liana,” was the only thing you said.

           His eyes shut as his jaw tensed, turning his head to the side. For a moment you thought he’d have another argument and maybe he did, but right now his brain wasn’t really comprehending anything other than he couldn’t have you. The hand on your jaw pressed deeper as he turned to face you, your eyes fluttered shut as his lips dipped down to graze your cheek.

           There were no words that could have been said to make this situation better and nothing he could say that would ease your ball of guilty anxiety, so he let his lips linger than what was necessary but you both felt the need for it. When he pulled away, he put full distance between the two of you and forced his eyes to watch you slip down from the counter.

           You could have sworn you heard a creek in the stairs but there wasn’t much you could hear over Mat’s soft breathing, part of you wishing you didn’t have to walk away from him. Despite your heart begging you to take the leap, be with him, your feet forced you away and you took the less than twenty seconds to calm your racing heart and to put on a happy face.

           When you opened Liana’s door, she was sitting on her bed, scrolling through her phone. She glanced up at you, “dude…. Where’s the snacks?”

           Oh, fuck. “I ate them,” you quickly lied as he moved to sit on her bed. “You took too long.”

           Liana snorted with a laugh, which then caused you to laugh.

           “What an ungodly sound.” You teased.

           “Oh, please, you snort too!” She argued, reaching over to smack your arm.

           “Not like that,” you argued, shaking your head as you both continued to laugh.

[johnsamericano]

𝓓𝓪𝔂 5:

qιαи кυи

23 days of NCT masterlist.

taglist: @notbeforelong @unknown5tar @whathamelon @curieouscapt @silent-potato

warnings: use of the nickname sir (once I think), power play, slight choking, creampie, office sex, pure filth.

“Crap.” You murmured, your figure engulfed by the darkness of the big office.

The power had gone off, all the work you’d done probably lost now. A pair of black Oxfords clicked on the marble floor, echoing through the walls.

“Y/n?” You recognized the voice of your boss, who usually kept you company when you stayed extra hours. “Are you alright?”

“I might jump out of the window if my report got deleted.” He giggled, extending his hands to avoid crashing onto something. “Now I’ll have to stay longer.” You groaned in frustration, jolting when a pair of hands squeezed your shoulders.

“Let’s go to my office, I have a few candles and a chess board to pass time.” As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you started being able to see his face. That handsome face that had anyone down on their knees in a matter of seconds. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” But the rumors spreading around the office said otherwise. People around you would literally call him a sex god, but only very few were able to experience his abilities and none of them for more than once.

“Sure, Mr. Qian.” With your phone’s flashlight, you followed him back to the wide office, which was probably the size of your apartment.

He’d already set the chessboard, two glasses of red wine on each side of it. The candles surrounding it gave the atmosphere a warmer tone, more sensual you daresay.

“Have a seat.” The leather couch was soft, like sitting on a cloud. “I’ll play with the black ones.” You nodded, eyes staring at the glass and wondering if it would be correct to take a sip. “Go ahead, it’s all yours.” He said as if he’d listened to your thoughts.

“Thank you.” The game started, you moving your pawns first and surprisingly getting a hold of some of his pieces.

You were quick to take control of most of the board, almost all of your pieces still standing. Maybe you weren’t that bad at chess after all.

“Check mate!” You clapped your hands excitedly, sipping the last drops of wine from your glass.

“I want a rematch.”

You played a couple more matches, easily winning each and every one of them as you drank glass after glass, Kun looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry, I love wine.” And you had a great alcohol resistance.

“This is getting a little boring.” You nodded, not knowing the true intentions behind his words. “What if we give this game a little twist?”

“What kind of twist?” You raised an eyebrow, your elegant fingers grabbing the base of the glass.

“For every match one of us loses, the other one picks a piece of clothing they take off.”

“Huh?” So that’s what this was all about, he was trying to get into your pants. Thank god he sucked at the game. “Well, I’m only going to accept because you’re such a terrible player.” You weren’t planing on asking him to take off his shirt or something, maybe a sock or his tie would do.

“Ouch.” He pretended to have a chest pain, proceeding to flash a dimpled smile in your direction.

Oh if only you knew.

“How?” You stared at the board, as if the answer would suddenly appear carved on it.

“Luck, I guess.” Your brain was quick to pick up on things.

“Luck my ass, you tricked me!” For a moment you forgot it was your boss who you were talking to, but he didn’t seem to mind, more like he was actually enjoying himself.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” He stood up from the couch, taking out a bottle of whiskey and a glass from the cabinet beside his desk. He poured the ámbar liquid inside while taking a seat. “Now...” he took a sip, his eyes seductively looking at you. “Where should we start?” He evaluated his options, scanning your body from head to toes. “Take of your bra.”

“H-Huh?” You weren’t expecting him to be so direct, and yet, his words had you core dripping already.

“Take of your bra.” He repeated. “Unless you’re uncomfortable, in which case, you’re free to leave.” But he perfectly knew you had no intentions of leaving, a cocky grin adorning his plump lips as you lifted your shirt slightly, unclasping the piece of lingerie and pulling it out through your sleeve, something you usually did as soon as you arrive home.

The silky material of your blouse caressed your soft buds. Your piece of clothing was a little see through, giving Kun a peak at your hardened nipples.

“Shall we move on to the next round?”

In less than an hour, you were sitting almost completely naked in front of him, your panties being the last piece of clothing covering you (if you didn’t count the high heels he’d insisted you kept on). But they wouldn’t stay on for longer, for your king was trapped with not much pieces left to cover him. Your forearm covered your breasts as well as you could, your hands fidgeting with the wooden piece.

“There’s no way I can win this, is there?”

“I’m afraid not, darling.” Without an ounce of embarrassment left, you slipped down the final piece of clothing, kicking it to the side and releasing your mounds from their confinement. “Look at you, all pretty and naked for your boss.”

“What comes next?” Perhaps another round of chess, you thought. Instead of putting the pieces back in place, he walked over to you, lifting your chin so your eyes were directly facing his.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard.”

You somehow ended up laying down on his desk, all of the stuff in it now scattered around the floor as he rammed himself inside of you. He kept eye contact at all times, that cocky grin making its appearance as he held your knees against your chest.

“God, y/n. You know how long I’ve waited to do this?” Blonde strands of hair were sticking to his forehead, beads of sweat shimmering under the dim light of the candles. “Even when I was fucking someone else, all my mind could think about, was you. How well you’d take me, how much of a good girl you’d be for me...”

“S-sir.” You were clenching around him, seconds away from your high.

“You’re my pretty little fuck doll, aren’t you?” His hands let go of your knees, wrapping around your neck instead. “Answer.”

“Yes, sir.” You whimpered, your air supply running short.

“Good girl.” His hands loosened around your neck, but still not letting go of it. “I want you to take all of my cum, not a single drop of it should be wasted, alright?” You nodded, eyes shut as your toes curled in pleasure.

One final thrust sent you over the edge, consequently causing his seed to paint your walls. He pulled out, watching you desperately try not to spill his fluids.

“So obedient.” He walked back to the small living room, grabbing your discarded clothes to dress you up. “Just so you know, I usually never do this.” He clasped your beige bra, his fingers pad brushing your flushed skin.

“Then why are you doing it now?” By now, his cum was sliding down from your thighs into the desk, but he didn’t mind, at least you tried.

“Because it’s you.”

“I’m honored, Mr. Qian.”

“Don’t get cocky. Raise your butt.”

“Wait!” He had already slid your panties up, smearing them with yours and his fluids. “Kun!”

“Calling me by my name? Naughty girl.” He flicked your forehead, not completely sure if giving the red spot a kiss would be appropriate. “It doesn’t seem like the power’s gonna come back soon, you should head home.”

“But then you’ll be alone.”

“Are you worried about me?” The thought of the recent events not being more than a one-time thing, made your heart drop.

“N-no. Never mind, I’ll see you tomorrow, boss.” You adjusted your dressing pants before hoping off the desk.

“Wear a skirt tomorrow.” He said right before you crossed the door. “And no panties, I want you ready for me.”

It was definitely not gonna be a one-time thing, and the thought of it alone, had you drenched. Maybe working extra hours wasn’t so bad after all.

[beau-draws-and-cries]

Caged Bird, Songbird - The Owl House fanfic

Summary: Raine plays their violin and Hunter likes to listen to it.

Rating: General

Tags: Raine Whispers, Hunter, Golden Guard

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33734356

 Raine liked to play the violin alone.

 That was a fun experience, they couldn't lie, just get their violin and let all the complex feelings inside their mind become beautiful notes into their instrument and fill the air around them as a pleasant song instead of a mess of thoughts. Music always calmed them down since they were a baby to this moment, and it was an easy escape when they needed it.

 It was something they would do since their school days: get the violin, hide in the forest and play until their feelings were in place again. This time they were near the Emperor’s castle, later they would have a little reunion about plans for the day of Unity, and Raine was putting feelings about it out of their chest. They felt awful about the stuff they had to do to get so close to the Emperor. They didn't like that, but it was necessary. They were trying to convince themselves that the actions were      needed     so they could stop whatever the Emperor had planned for the Boiling Isles.

 The notes had a sour touch to it, mixed into a more hopeful, calm melody.

 They strummed the strings, touching the lower part of them with their bow, with maybe more strength than they were supposed to, but they were full of bad feelings that needed to go out somehow, or  else they would accumulate in their chest until they exploded, and a meltdown was everything Raine would like to avoid when trying to convince the Emperor that they were the most wise choice for Coven Head.

 They didn't notice the teen approaching slowly, with their eyes closed, feeling the notes going out and the song, until they finally stopped,opening their eyes to see the Golden Guard sitting nearby and looking at him, with their mask on.

 "G-golden Guard! I-i-i didn't see you there!" Raine became a blushing mess, stumbling on their own words and trying to keep what was left from their dignity in front of nothing less than the Emperor’s Coven head, and Belos favorite soldier.

 "There's no need to stop playing, I was enjoying it." Their tone and affirmation were the only giveaway that they were liking the song, because the face was hidden behind the owl-like mask, as ever. Raine didn't know why, but hearing such a young voice sound so tired would give them chills. Something was deeply wrong about that kid. "Please, keep playing."

 "I-I.... I-I-I am not as good with an audience." Raine muttered, putting the violin down "But I can try."

 Hunter only nodded, seeing Raine play the first notes, a little rushed and jumbled, but as the song progressed, they forgot that the Golden Guard was watching, and the song started to have a more bittersweet tone to it. They heard that the Golden Guard had to keep an eye for Edalyn Clawthorne, and Raine felt a bitter taste in their mouth to think that being a Coven Head meant never being able to meet Eda as a lover again.

 They remembered their last fight, both drunk in their house.

     "If you don't want to be with me, just say it! And leave me alone!"    Raine had yelled, and Edalyn's face was surprised, afraid. Afraid that they would leave her at that moment. At any moment. They abandoned her, after all. The song acquired somber notes, lingering on the feeling of sadness. They had to suppress their tears as they let out their feelings. Guilt, sorrow, longing.

 They tried to go to other feelings, but it was impossible, their mind always circling and then coming back to Eda.

  When they stopped and opened their eyes, the Golden Guard had taken off their mask, staring at Raine with an empty expression. The bags under his eyes would make Raine feel an urge to hug them, to scold them to sleep eight hours a day, to tell them to eat healthy. Why such a young kid was a coven head and looked so tired---

 The scars and nick was what more startled them, a kid shouldn’t be that hurt. Those were tears streams? Raine didn’t ask, looking down, face burning from the thought of playing a song about their ex in front of the Golden guard.

 (Not that there were any words to it, and the Golden Guard could guess the subject, but still made Raine anxious.)

 "I-I-I am sorry, it's not my best work, Golden Guard. I.... I will make it sound better if I just play something I already know."

 "You can just call me Hunter." Hunter said, a bit emotionless. "I hope to see you playing more often, Raine.”

 Raine nodded, seeing him shift the position they were sitting, from a rigid stance to a more teen-like way, sitting on one of his legs.

 “Sure, sir. I mean, Hunter. Just as a curiosity… How old are you again?”

 “I am sixteen.” He said, a bit more defensive now. Raine felt how tense he was.

 “Oh, that’s an important age! Have you gotten your own Palisman yet?” Raine smiled, trying to just treat him as a teen, and not, Golden Guard, Belos right hand.

 Something about the scars, the tired expression, the lack of emotion… Made them shiver. When they were sixteen their biggest scar was from an accidental cut and their biggest problem was asking out Eda to go with Grom together. Not leading an entire coven. Definitely not going on dangerous missions for a tyrannical emperor.

 “No, not yet. I got my staff from Emperor Belos, I don’t use this kind of wild magic.”

 “Oh… That’s fair, I imagine Belos doesn’t like wild magic.” Raine said, looking at Hunter. When he didn’t answer, they felt like they touched a delicate subject. “Want to hear another song?” They tried to distract the teen, standing closer to him.

 “That would be lovely, Whispers.” He said, looking at the mask on his lap.

 Raine started to play, mindlessly strumming the strings, just feeling the mood. Hunter seemed to be enjoying it, and some tears streamed down again, but Raine didn’t comment on them, yet. They didn’t feel like Hunter would actually answer if they asked why he was crying. When they finished, Hunter had put the mask on a while ago, but Raine could tell he was holding up sobs, by the way his breath was uneven and the chest moving in spasms sometimes.

 “Music does that to you. Especially a Bard’s song, even if it isn’t my intention to use magic while I play.” Raine reassured him “Brings feelings you didn’t know you had. Bring out smiles and tears. Sometimes all I do is play music and my feelings take over me.”

 “Feelings are a weakness.” Hunter affirmed, a voice cracking in a way that made Raine be sure he still was crying.

 “Everyone has feelings. I know they can be hard to deal with, but it’s healthy to feel them, and sometimes.... Just cry to a song you liked.”

 Raine started to play again, now they remembered about  Raine’s Rhapsody and they were letting the song soothe them, using the bard’s magic to make the objects float around “And talk about it with someone you trust. Like your parents, or a friend, or nice adult. No one can keep all of their feelings to themself and feel good.”

 “... Wouldn’t this be awful? I mean, why would someone want to hear another person’s feelings?”

 “Sometimes, they’re friends. And friends do that for each other.” Raine stopped playing the song, Hunter’s words had set off many red alert lights on their brain. “Did you never… Tell your feelings to someone?” They asked, worried.

 “Well, I ramble about them alone on my bedroom and on my notebook--”

 “No, a real person.” Raine interrupted, with a worried look “With a real person that can hug you when you start to cry and that can pat your back, and bring you some water when you’re feeling like shit.” Raine struggled to say the last word, but they thought that would be more relatable to the teen. Teenagers liked cuss words, right?

 “That would be hard, I am always feeling like shit.” Hunter laughed, but Raine didn’t, making him go silent.

 “Do you… Need to talk about something?” Raine asked carefully, trying to sound the least threatening possible. They tried to put care into their voice, as well as an welcoming tone. Having the right tone on their voice was treated like getting the right tone on a song: One wrong tone and you could end up ruining your whole performance.

 “I… It’s just that… You know, all of-- All of this--” Hunter was trying to say something, but stopped himself “No, I      DON’T     need to.” Hunter’s body language changed from leaning closer to Raine to tense and alert in a matter of seconds, and he stood up quickly “It was a pleasure to meet you, Mx. Whispers. But I got to go. I have more pressing matters to attend to.”

 Raine nodded, noticing they crossed a boundary there, but they were okay about it. They noticed Hunter’s sudden shift of body language, and that would only make sense. Raine was a teacher, and it wouldn’t be the first time they offered comfort to an abused kid. Reaching for them on days they were beaten up, asking how they were feeling, if they needed a hug or just to chat. Show that things could get better. Get one of their hidden candy and give it to them as a promise that someone cared for them. It wasn’t the first time that an abused kid told them they didn’t need help and drifted away. They knew some parents would double the abuse on the kids when they discovered they had been snitched to another adult.

  It would only make sense for Hunter to dodge any questions and any comfort. It didn’t make it less okay, though. Raine made a mental note to offer comfort in other ways.

 Hunter stopped a bit and turned to Raine. He took off the mask, to show a face with many streams of tears that were already drying out, and an even more exhausted expression.

 “It was nice to talk to you. I hope to hear your violin again.”

 “No problem, Hunter. And I mean, you can reach out if you just need to spend time with someone. I can just pretend you aren’t there and play.”

 “That… That would be nice, actually.” Hunter muttered, putting the mask on again “Goodbye, Raine.”

 He slowly walked away, tired. Raine sighed and got their violin again.

 Maybe it was time to plan how to help that poor kid.

[sweetwritertanya]

Nothing To Be Jealous About (Jungkook)

A/N: Hello everyone! I’m here to announce a new BTS series that I am starting! I had this idea to make a ‘jealous series’ with the boys a long time ago and it felt right to do it now. I had this idea for Jungkook’s story and I just had to write it. I don’t know if the others will get a fic as long as this one, but we’ll see! Hope you all enjoy it!

Edit: This is also my first ever moodboard or however you call it for one of my fics! Because I always have a outfit in mind for both the reader and the member, I thought it made sense to add a moodboard. I don’t think I’ll do it for all of my fics, but I’ll try with this series. Tell me what you think! Should I keep doing it? Does it help as you read? Also, big thanks to @tipsydipsydo​ for her guidance when I asked about her own moodboards! She’s a cutiepie!

Summary: For the first time since you started working out, you go to the gym with Jungkook. Afraid for how he would feel seeing someone your size exercising, his reaction turns out to be what you least expected from him.

Warnings: SMUT!!! Do be prepared for: swearing, erotic body touching, marking, oral (female receiving), protected sex (trying to make it a more common thing in this blog), rough sex, sex on the floor, missionary position, a bit of a possessive Jungkook, but he gets softer and sweeter by the end.

Word Count: 3280

You knew it would be a bad idea to go with Jungkook to the gym, which was why you always came up with excuses to avoid it. For months and months, you had been going alone to the gym, purposely on a different schedule from your boyfriend. However, turns out that the reasons you shouldn’t have gone to the gym with Jungkook were a lot different than what you had assume.

Naturally, in your head, the main reason for preferring to go alone was because you didn’t want him to see you exercising. Being a big girl that only recently started to work out for health benefits, to say you would be embarrassed of him witnessing your routine would be an understatement.  There would be sweat, there would be tears, there would be a flushed bare face and dirty hair that you had no intentions of him ever seeing.

But, as you found out, life had an ironic sense of humor. Unable to find a reason to deny Jungkook’s invitation this time, you were currently doing push-ups as your trainer guided you, loudly counting as you went, numbers getting further and further apart from how slow you were going due to how tired you were.

You had asked him to start your training on the opposite side of the room from where Jungkook was, hoping that would somehow make him forget you were even there and not see your humiliating state. As you got up and the huge muscular man in front of you asked you to get ready to start the much-hated burpees, you cast a glance towards the younger man, perplexed when you saw his state.

Jungkook was not working out at all. He was sitting at the seated arm curl, two heavy dumbbells on the ground next to his feet. That on itself was confusing, since he took his training at the gym very seriously and would only stop to catch his breath. Yet, it looked as if he hadn’t even started exercising. The most shocking part was the way he was staring at you. No, actually, he was rather glaring at your personal trainer.

Bushy sharp eyebrows furrowed deeply, lines scrunching his button nose, pouting lips pulled down and usually sweet doe eyes turned dark and angry, round shape lost as he squinted heatedly at the man in front of you. Your trainer tapped your arm to catch your attention again, asking if you were ready to continue. You look back at Jungkook only to realize he had completely looked away, picked up the dumbbells and started lifting them, a bit too speedily if you had to say.

Still unsure of what was going on, you actually told him that you were done for the day. Taking a few sips of water and cleaning your sweaty face with a towel, you hesitantly walk towards Jungkook, who was now seemingly focused on what he was doing, not sparing a look your way when you approached him.

“Hey, Kook, I’m done for the day” you inform him, stopping a few feet from his right.

“Yeah? You sure your trainer doesn’t mind?” he dryly asks, not stopping his movements or regarding you at all, confusing you further.

“I… I stopped earlier than usual, actually… James probably would have wanted me to go on for a while longer.” You tried to ignore that pang in your heart that told you Jungkook was judging you, that he was offended you only worked out this much. That he expected more from you.

“James? You’re even on a first name basis…” he puffs in frustration.

Jungkook places the dumbbells he was using down and turns his head the other way from you, elbows rested on top of his knees, hands clutching together and foot tapping persistently on the ground. You realize it then. It creeps up on you, the realization that left your mouth hanging open in incredulity.

“Wait… Are you… Are you jealous, Kook?” The skepticism was evident in your voice.

The boy stands up suddenly, looking at you as if you’re crazy, but his body language spoke volumes. He crossed his arms, eyebrows still pulled together, cheeks puffed and lips in a pout, weight shifting from foot to foot. A hurt look behind his avoiding eyes.

“Oh my God, you are!” And you actually chuckle at that, not only from how ridiculous that sounded to you, but from the pure relief washing over you at that notion. You were not the one bothering him, your personal trainer was. Not that he would confess it any time soon.

“No, I’m not! I am, however, done for today. Let’s go.”

He basically stomps away, making a bee-line for the male dressing rooms while you made way into the woman’s one. You would be lying if it didn’t feel flattering knowing such a good-looking man like Jungkook could grow jealous because of you. There was a stupid grin on your face that you just couldn’t wipe off.

You stayed silent the ride home, trying to hide your smile from Jungkook’s view so as to not distract him while he was driving. But you couldn’t help the glances you threw his way, curious as to what brought this jealousy up. As far as you know, your personal trainer remained very professional with you, there was no flirting going on at all.

Once home, Jungkook crashed down on the sofa in the living room, ready to spend the rest of the day playing video games and ignoring you. But of course, you wouldn’t let the misunderstanding go on any longer.

“Jungkook, why the hell are you like this? There is nothing to be jealous about!” you reassure coming to stand in front of him, between the sofa and the screen of the television. He opens his mouth in upcoming defiance, obviously about to deny it yet again, but you don’t let him. “And don’t tell me you are not. I know you, Kook. Now, let’s talk about it. Or do you wanna be mad forever?”

It’s your turn to cross your arms over your chest and lean you head to the side as you lift one of your eyebrows, awaiting his response. The boy looks down, thinking about your words, before sighing and leaning back on the couch, hands fidgeting on his lap and looking away to the side.

“You’re the one keeping things from me” he accuses, albeit in a small voice.

“What? I’m not” you defend yourself, baffled.

“Now I know why you always avoided going with me to the gym. You didn’t want me to see you with your personal trainer. Oh, sorry, is ‘James’, isn’t it?” Still not looking at you, the sulking boy almost spits the name, vexed.

Finally understanding, even if his conclusion was a bit of a stretch, you feel for him. You kneel down on the carpet in front of him, catching his hands on yours and making him look at you. Once he does, still suspicious, you just smile warmly up at him.

“Kook, I was embarrassed of you seeing me in the gym. It had nothing to do with that guy” you explain patiently. “Honestly, did you notice how I look when I go to the gym? No one will be interested in this!” You point at yourself, fat, in comfortable but unflattering workout clothes and with no make-up on.

“Stop it. I saw the way he looked at you. I saw him taking advantage and touching you” he accused, plump bottom lip puckering further.

“Touch? Were you seeing things? He never touched me” you countered, shaking your head.

That’s when Jungkook launches forward, grabbing you by the shoulders and making you yelp in surprise as you lean back and somehow end up lying flat on the carpet. Before you can even process what was going on, he latches his mouth to the side of your neck and sucks on the skin harshly, for sure leaving a bruise. You hiss at the pain, but can’t deny the fact that it sent jolts straight to your core, your skin hyper sensitive to his abusing lips.

“Right here while you were doing crunches” he barks, voice still small but irradiating bitterness.

“Wha…?” Your brain still jumbled, you just vaguely stare up at him as you try to remember anything of the sort. You recalled your trainer having to help you going up on the last few crunches, one hand leveraging at the base of your neck.

Before you could ask him if that was what he was referring to, Jungkook leans back down and does the same treatment to your left arm, actually biting down with his teeth just enough to leave the small indentation of his teeth on the first layer of your skin.

“And right here, obviously trying to get your attention.” The memory of that seems to leave him even more infuriated, deep frustrating line scrunching the bridge of his nose and jawline tensing up tremendously. His big round eyes settle on yours with intensity and you lose your voice for a moment. “But you’re mine, right? You are my girl, my girlfriend, no one else’s, right?”

You nod your head, still in absolute disbelief that this gorgeous human being hoovering above you had any doubts about that. Your hands sooth the skin of his strong arms that were holding him up, words finally coming to you again.

“Of course, Kook. I’m all yours, always will be” you promise, trying to convey your honesty through your eyes.

“I’ll prove it to them. Leave my marks all over your body so they can see it.”

The rasp on his usual sweet voice had you swallowing dry and heat pools at your center. Damn, he was so hot like this. And then he actually takes actions to his words and pulls your t-shirt up, revealing your stomach that he launches for and nips and sucks on the flesh, deep bites and squeezes of his hands that you no doubt would see the next day. You jeer, but the pain mixes with pleasure and the noises that come out start sounding more like moans than anything.

And then he moves further down, avid hands grabbing at the fabric of your sweatpants and pulling them down your thick thighs, leaving them bare for him. Nuzzling comfortably between your legs, he takes no time pull at the meat of your fluffy inner thighs, sucking from just above your knee to the junction of where your leg meets your pelvis. Your whole body feels like it’s overheating and your heart hammers in your chest, each hickey closer to your womanhood leaving more and more wet. But then he focuses on your other leg, lifting your knee and leaving another trail up that thigh, completely ignoring how needy you were.

“K-Kook!” you plea, your hands grasping at the ones clawing your hips, begging them silently. “Please.”

Your hips are stuttering, moving out of their own accord in search of any kind of relief for the hellish crave staining your panties. Never one to deny you of anything your asked, Jungkook holds down your hips with sprawled hands putting pressure on your lower belly as he mouthed your pussy over the cotton fabric. You scream because it’s relieving and not enough at all. Even through the cloth, Jungkook finds your engorged clit and doesn’t hesitate to suck on it too, making you wail and arch your back off the ground, head falling back and eyes closing at the maddening feeling.

The bastard stays like that for a while, driving your absolute mad, giving you just enough to drive you to the edge and still not nearly enough to send your over. Your panties are absolutely drenched in a mix of your juices and his saliva, and you try to close your legs around his head in hopes to keep him there long enough for you to reach any kind of satisfaction, but being the strong man that he was, Jungkook easily parts your legs away and crawls back up your body, sculptural face hoovering mere inches from yours.

You open your eyes to see his full black ones, veiled with unmasked desire and lust, puffy cheeks red and lips swollen from all of their work on you. Fuck, he looked so heavenly like this.

“Now they’ll know, if they dare come this near to you. That you are already taken. That you are mine to hold and kiss and fuck. Right?”

You are not sure how he manages, but he sounds both possessive and insecure at the same time, obviously determined to let anyone know you were his but still uncertain enough to always ask for your confirmation. Smiling, you take his face in your hands and pull him in for a much awaited kiss after your response.

“Absolutely right.”

You are the one who pulled him in, but he is the one desperate, frantic in the kiss, claiming your lips violently and deepening it so his tongue scans every small inch of your mouth, as if making sure it was just as he remembered. Locking your hands behind his neck, you respond in what you hope is a similar way, passing on all the love and comfort you could in this one long toe-curling kiss.

Amongst everything, you could not be sure when he did it, but as you latched your bulky legs around his lean waist and pulled him in, you find that he was already undressed from the waist down. His thick, throbbing member was pressed against the stained panties still left as a barrier.

Resting in one arm, holding him up, Jungkook’s free hand roams down your curvaceous body and fingers hook around the side of your underwear, at the same time he whispers a question in your ear with a hoarse voice.

“Pill?”

“All good” you eagerly reply, letting him know you had been careful and it should be okay.

Panties bunched up around your left ankle, Jungkook rubs his cock between your folds in a few strokes, working you both up and coating himself. But you were already so worked up and sexually frustrated that you clawed at his magnificent muscular ass and pulled him closer, at the same time your hips thrusted upwards into him. Failing to get him where you wanted, you growl.

“Now, Jungkook! I need you now!” you exclaim.

“Yeah, I want to hear you scream my name, baby. My name only” he encourages in a pleased tone.

Suddenly, two hands grab your legs from the back of your knee and hoists them up until you are basically bent in half, thighs pressed against your breasts. One swift movement of his hips and Jungkook impales you with his dick, the first thrust strong and deep and succulent. You moan loudly from relief, your clenching walls finally clinging on to something, finally stretched in the most pleasant of ways. Even with the white noise settling in and your own whine still ringing in the air, you still hear the tale-end of Jungkook’s own groan, hands still holding your legs up and kneeling with his pelvis pressed against yours, back standing stiff and eyes closed, lips slightly parted. He was obviously needing this as much as you.

Doe eyes slit open to meet with yours and he bents down over you, reaching for your lips and kissing you at the same time he starts moving. You hold on to his shoulders, but the pace grows quicker and quicker until it’s borderline punishing and you scream out at how good it feels, the way his cock drags at that fast pace against your inner walls, the tip kissing the end of that carnal tunnel and hitting that deep spot that makes you see stars behind your eyes. You let go of his lips in favor of screaming his name next to his ear and he continues the inhumane pace.

“That’s it. Scream my name. Scream it” he cheers on, his own voice stuttering at the focus to keep himself in check. “Scream it loud as you cum around me, love.”

The pressure deep in your womb was building rapidly with each rapid ramming. Jungkook was sweating and flushed red from head to toe, breathing heavily and closing his eyes in search of self-control. He rests your legs on his shoulder as he uses his hands to ground himself and procced to pound his cock even deeper and quicker, that being all you needed due to the added stimulation of his navel against your clit with each motion, turning your body into and absolute explosion of pleasure.

“Ah, ahh… JUNGKOOK!”

The walls of your pussy clang to him in and sucked him in to hit your cervix over and over, intensifying the orgasm as he continued the movements until he himself couldn’t bare it no more and got off on your dripping cunt, eyes screwed shut and mouth parted as he whimpered breathily through it.

Body shuddering and still buried to the bream, Jungkook collapses against you and your legs fall off his shoulders. Trying to keep him in place, you cross your ankles around his waist and throw your arms around his shoulder, both trying to catch your breaths and proper connection to reality. As your body calmed down and temperature returned to normal, you already had the inkling your but would be suffering from a slight friction rash against the carpet. But you would just add it to the bruises Jungkook’s mouth had left and count it as totally worth it.

“Chuory” Jungkook babbles against your shoulder, the fabric of your t-shirt muffling his voice and making it hard to understand what he said.

“What’s that, Kook?”

He lifts his head and rests his upper weight on his forearms, bottom half still very much attached to yours. He looks more like himself now, sweet and kind instead of bitter and angry. In fact, he looked at you almost apologetic.

“I’m sorry I got so jealous. I don’t know what came over me.”

You smile and peck at his worried lips.

“No worries. I’m surprise you could even get jealous when it came to someone like me” you confess, in a humorous tone.

“You are incredibly attractive, Y/N. I saw how that guy was looking at you. And he was so built and strong and… I got scared you would be taken away from me.”

You immediately shake your hand, reaching out for the young boy’s face that was filled with apprehension and anxiety. Holding his face, you make him look at you seriously.

“Never. I would never, Jungkook. I love you. I don’t care if the universe flips and suddenly all the men on this earth suddenly want me, I will always, always love you. Just you.”

He releases a heavy sight and you can almost feel the relief washing over him, the weight that as lifted his shoulders. At last, he smiles brightly and it reaches is eyes in the cutest of ways and you heart sings in response.

“Really?” he asks, a hopeful tone.

“Really. Now, mister, because of this silly fit, I ended my workout too early. It’s your responsibility” you warn him, wandering if he would get it.

“Hum? Do you want to go back? I can help you if- Ahh…!” The way he started made you sure he was not getting what you were hinting at so, to enlighten him, you clench your walls around his flaccid member that hardens in immediate response. Jungkook almost chokes.

“I was thinking more of a home workout.”

“M-my… My pleasure” he readily assures.

[tails89]

If you’re still doing the prompts thing, could you do #20 (“This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever come up with...I’m in.”) with Buddie from 9-1-1 please? And if not, no worries. :)

Hey there, sorry this took so long. Sometimes my brain just doesn't want to cooperate...

Anyway, hope you enjoy (I changed the prompt a lil)

Also posted on AO3

“Here.” The beer appears in Buck’s peripheral vision, and he reaches for it, fingers slipping in the cool condensation that beads down the side of the bottle.

“Thanks man.” He takes a long sip and stares out into the backyard. “Oh, hey. How were parent teacher interviews yesterday?”

Eddie groans and drops heavily onto the porch swing, throwing his legs up on the railing beside Buck’s.

“They were fine,” he says, taking a long drink from his beer.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fine,” Buck says, twisting to face Eddie. “Is everything okay with Chris? Is there—"

“Christopher’s fine.” Eddie cuts Buck off before he can get too worked up. “He’s doing well in school, got lots of friends.”

“Oh.” Buck takes a sip of his own drink. “So, what’s the matter then?”

Eddie pulls his feet from the railing and plants them on the porch.

“He’s got this one teacher, and every time I see her, she’s got something to say about me being a single dad.” Eddie leans forward, his elbows braced on his knees. “Like I’m not good enough for him on my own.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Buck says. “You’re a great dad.”

Eddie just waves him off.

“Anyway, she was going on about my job and how the long hours aren’t fair on Chris and how alone he is... anyway... Chris told her he’s not alone. He said he’s got me and Carla, Pepa and Abuela and... his Buck.”

“Of course, Eds, you know we’re all there for Chris.”

“I know but, I just—I don’t know why I said it.” Eddie leans back against the swing, staring out into the night.

“Said what?”

“I may have told her we were together...”

The half-mouthful of beer goes down the wrong hole and Buck chokes.

“What?” He wipes his sleeve against his mouth to catch the liquid that’s spilled down his chin.

“It just came out. She kept going on about the type of home environment I was providing, and I know I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but—Chris was so excited. I tried to tell him it wasn’t true—"

“Eddie, it’s fine.” Buck fidgets with the label on his bottle. He can’t quite bring himself to look at his best friend, afraid his face will give him away. It makes sense now why Chris was so happy to see him today, and perhaps why it had taken so long for Eddie to get him into bed. “You need to tell him though.”

“I know.” Eddie sighs and drains his beer. “I honestly didn’t think he’d be excited about the prospect of me dating again. We haven’t really talked about it.”

Buck isn’t excited about the idea of Eddie dating again, dating someone else. He keeps his mouth shut though and finishes his beer. The seeds of a very terrible, stupid plan start to take root in his brain.

“Hey, if uh,” the words stick in his throat. “If you need some time, to tell Chris, I don’t mind pretending for a day or two.” Buck’s heart is pounding so loud in his chest, he wonders if Eddie can hear it too. “Just until you do.”

Eddie laughs, tipping his head back against the seat.

“That is, without a doubt, the stupidest idea you’ve ever come up with...” he says, still chuckling.

“Ha, yeah,” Buck plasters a grin on his face. “Pretty stupid.”

“You know what, I’m in,” Eddie says, regaining his composure. “Just for a day or so. I’ve got the rest of the parent teacher interviews tomorrow night and then I’ll sit Chris down and explain it was a misunderstanding.”

“What about the rest of the team?” Buck asks. “We’ve got a ten-hour shift tomorrow. What happens if they find out?”

“They won’t.” Eddie’s tone is warm and reassuring but Buck shakes his head.

“It just takes one,” he points out. “If Maddie finds out, she’ll tell Chim. And if Chim finds out—” he lets his head tip back with a groan, “—he’ll tell everyone.”

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Eddie asks him, planting his feet back on the porch and sitting up.

Yes, because if people find out that they’re ‘dating’ they’ll have questions and Buck can’t handle that kind of scrutiny, not when he’s already harbouring major feelings for his best friend.

“No,” he says instead. “I guess not. It’s just one day. What’s the worst that could happen?”

~

Buck pulls up at the station bright and early the next morning. He parks beside Eddie’s truck, a smile spreading across his face when he realises he has Chris with him.

“Bucky!” Chris's whole face lights up and he throws his arms around Buck.

“Hey bud.” Buck ruffles the kid’s hair and walks with them towards the firehouse. “What are you doing here?”

“Pepa’s running late,” Eddie explains. “She got caught up in traffic, so she’s going to pick Chris up from here. She shouldn’t be long,” he says, addressing Bobby this time.

“It’s not a problem. You hungry Chris?” Bobby asks, matching Chris’ pace as they head for the stairs. “I’ll see what I can rustle up for breakfast and you can tell me all about school.”

Chris nods along enthusiastically, following on behind Bobby.

“Hey Christopher.” Chimney leans over the balcony rail. “You got any fun stories for us kid?”

“Oh yeah!” Chris hands his dad one of his crutches so he can free up a hand to grip the stair rail. “Did you guys know Dad and Buck are dating?”

Every eye in the building turns to them.

The thing about the station is that it’s never truly quiet. There’s always some noise, some movement, no matter the time of day. But in that moment Buck could have heard a pin drop.

Hen is the first to break the silence.

“Alright, pay up.” She waves her fingers in Chim's face. “Better luck next time boys,” she crows, holding out her hands.

“I definitely heard you say November,” Chimney argues.

“I said, before November.” Hen grins. “It’s before November. Now pay up.”

“You couldn’t have waited just a few more weeks?” Chimney asks them. “Really, is that too much to ask?”

“What is happening right now?” Buck stares at his friends in disbelief. “Have you all been taking bets on us?”

Hen and Chimney share a look. “Uh, yes.”

They say it together, Hen bursting into laughter at the indignation on Buck’s face. “Oh please, you think you’re so hard to read? You wear your heart on your sleeve, Buckaroo. I read you.”

She counts the money she’s won, stuffing the notes into her pocket. “You boys just paid for my anniversary dinner. I can’t wait to tell Karen.” She pauses. “I don’t suppose you two also offer babysitting services?”

Buck bites his lip to hold back the panic clawing at his chest. His gaze flicks to Eddie, laughing and reassuring Chris that he’s not in trouble for spilling the beans. He’s acting like it’s nothing—like their whole team hasn’t been plotting behind their backs.

Eddie had promised that no one else would know, but that had gone down the drain in seconds. And now what? Do they keep up the lie or do they come clean? The idea of telling everyone that it’s not real is worse than knowing they’d been betting on him and Eddie getting together. Or do they already know that too? Maybe that’s the next bet and they’re all just waiting.

“I, uh—” Buck takes a half step back. “I’ll just be back in a minute.”

He doesn’t run for the stairs. He keeps his gait even until he’s at the bottom of the staircase and then he makes his escape to the bathrooms.

Buck spends the rest of the day avoiding the team. Well, avoiding them as much as he is able while still doing his job. While they’re at the station, he finds chores to keep himself busy, ignoring the looks he gets from Hen and Chim and ignoring the friendly teasing that he can’t take a joke.

Avoiding Eddie is the worst. Buck can’t bring himself to do it. He constantly finds himself gravitating back towards his best friend, drawn like a moth to a flame.

Buck keeps waiting for Eddie to pull him aside and ask why he’s not keeping his end of the bargain. Eddie keeps looking over at him, face pinched with an expression Buck can’t quite name. He’s probably pissed Buck couldn’t even keep it up for twenty-four hours, and now they’re both going to look like fools in front of the rest of the team.

~

“Thought I’d find you hiding in here.”

Buck glances up from the bunk to catch Bobby leaning in the doorway.

“I’m not hiding.”

“Good, because lunch is ready.” He goes to leave, then stops, rapping his knuckles against the door frame. “For what it’s worth Buck, we’re happy for you. Both of you.”

“Thanks Bobby.” Buck stands slowly, inhaling deeply. He can do this. He can pretend to be dating Eddie in front of his co-workers while also somehow pretending that he’s not wildly in love with his best friend. He’s got this, no problem.

Buck lets the breath go in a rush.

He’s so fucked.

Everyone’s eyes look up as Buck reaches the kitchen. He’s the last to sit and there’s just the one spare seat left beside Eddie.

As he settles into the chair, Eddie bumps their knees together under the table and offers Buck a reassuring smile.

“So,” Chim says reaching for the salad bowl. “I need details. When did this start?” He gestures between the two of them with the salad tongs before loading up his plate.

“Yeah, how long have you been keeping this from us?” Albert pipes up.

Buck swallows against the lump in his throat. They should have come up with something, just in case, but now they have nothing and—

“It was a few weeks after I got home from the hospital.”

Buck glances across at Eddie, brows knit together in confusion.

“I’d broken up with Ana and Buck was over a lot, helping with Chris,” Eddie explains, accepting a plate from Hen. “There was this one day. Buck had just got back after dropping Chris at school and we realised Chris had forgotten to take this book he’d wanted for show and tell.”

Buck can feel his frown deepening. He remembers this.

“Anyway, Buck wanted to go all the way back to Chris’ school to give it to him. Wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Eddie’s looking at him now, holding Buck’s gaze as he recounts the story. The whole team is looking at them, the heat of their scrutiny makes Buck squirm in his seat. “I said it didn’t matter, Chris could just take it another day, but Buck said—"

“It matters to Chris.” Buck feels his face flush. At the time, Eddie had laughed and said something about Buck being too good for them before Buck had run out of the house clutching the book.

“It just kind of hit me, you know?” Eddie finally looks away, reaching for the bread rolls in the middle of the table. “Just how lucky I am to have him and how much he cares about us and… I kissed him.”

There’s a collective gasp from around the table and all eyes turn back on Buck.

“And what did you do, Buckaroo?” Hen asks, leaning forward in her seat.

“I uh—” Buck glances at Eddie, eyes wide. “I kissed him back?”

“Yeah, and it was about damn time,” Chimney shouts around a mouthful of pasta. “You guys are so cute. It’s disgusting.”

~

The rest of the shift is better after that. Everyone seems satisfied by their story and Buck lets himself fall back into his regular comfortable rhythm, hanging with Eddie between call outs. There is still some awkwardness to it, Buck can’t stop his mind from wandering back to that morning, imagining what it would have been like if it had gone more like Eddie’s story. He’s surprised Eddie even remembered it, it had been just another day between the regular doctor and physical therapy appointments that consumed his every waking minute.

He waits until later that night to say anything. Chris is in bed and they’re back on the porch nursing a beer each.

“Can I, uh, ask you a question?” Buck tears at the label on his bottle. “That thing you said at lunch, about how we got together…” He trails off, not quite sure how to verbalise the whirlwind of feelings it had stirred in him.

“Yeah, well I had to say something convincing,” Eddie says, taking a sip of his beer.

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Buck had spent the whole afternoon thinking that maybe, just maybe his feelings for Eddie weren’t as one-sided as he’d initially thought. This though, this is like a bucket of ice water to the face. “I don’t think I can do this, Eds.”

Eddie’s head jerks up.

“I thought I could pretend, but I can’t.”

“Why did you suggest it then?” Eddie doesn’t sound angry. Buck almost wishes he did, it would be easier if the were both yelling at each other. Anything would be better than the soft disappointment in Eddie’s tone.

“I thought—” Buck takes a breath and tries again. “I wasn’t thinking when I suggested it. I think there was just a part of me that thought that getting to pretend with you was better than nothing. It’s not though, it just made it that much more obvious how much I want this— want us.” Putting down his beer, Buck goes to stand. “I’m sorry. I’m gonna go—”

“Wait. Buck.” Eddie catches his arm. “I should have kissed you.”

“What?”

“Chris’ show and tell. I didn’t kiss you that day, but I wanted to. You were just out the door so damn fast.”

“You wanted to kiss me?”

Eddie pulls him back down onto the swing with a fond eyeroll. “We’re you not listening to my story at lunch?” he asks, voice teasing. “I meant what I said about how it just hit me. You’re amazing Buck, and Chris and I are both so lucky to have someone like you, someone who cares with everything you have. I think I’ve loved you for a while, but that morning I knew.”

“I love you too.” Buck knows he’s grinning like an idiot, but right now he doesn’t care. “I know you didn’t kiss me back then but… you can kiss me now.”

And Eddie does.

It starts off soft and slow—a tentative brushing of their lips, but then as neither of them back off it grows more desperate. Buck curls his fingers in the hem of Eddie’s shirt, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

When he finally pulls away, they’re both red-faced and breathing hard.

“So, I guess this means we don’t need to break up,” Buck says with a laugh.

“No,” Eddie agrees. “I plan on keeping you around for a long time.”

[imaginesmai]

Arvin Russell - The preacher’s sins (2/2)

Here is the second part of this fic! Hope you enjoy it.

Plot: The preacher’s manipulation is finally kicking in, but Arvin isn’t letting go so easily. 

Warnings: It’s about TDATT, so you can guess, again. Violence, manipulation, hurt reader.

Lenora died two days after your argument with Arvin, you and him were drifting apart and Knockemstiff was entering in the coldest Autumn yet to meet. The villagers were on edge every second of the day, there was more violence and the people’s faith was starting to become dangerous. Just a few days ago, a pregnant woman and her boyfriend had walked into the café, and had been kicked out by angry clients who scream obscenities for not being married.

The preacher’s words were starting to make roots into the town, it seemed, and you were no exception; at least, you didn’t think you were. Since that talk with the preacher, he had opened your eyes about your sins, and you could say happily that you were getting better at reading. Every two days, you would go the church and he would be waiting outside, with his car and his bible. He would read to you, helping you understand what you couldn’t and giving you a kind smile. And if you got a word wrong, well, he knew how to fix it.

“And she… uh, she… “ you squinted to see what the word was, but you couldn’t read. Your heart started to beat loudly in your ears under the watchful eyes of the preacher. “She was con… con…”

The preacher put a hand on your shoulder, and your eyes got misty. You knew it was well deserved, because who didn’t know how to read? But it still brought tears to your eyes when it happened. You searched into your brain for something to say, but since Lenora’s death no one was teaching you. Arvin, your sweet boy, was the only reason why you sometimes doubted what the preacher was doing was right. And in order not to lie to his face, you barely saw him anymore.

“Come on, Y/N. You know what to do” the preacher said, unfastening his belt. In a moment of panic, you shifted away from him. “It’s for you own good. You think someone will love some brainless girl like you?”

“Please, preacher” you whined as he got up, belt in hand. “Please, not today. They – they haven’t healed, a-and it hurts. Please, I don’t –“

“You think your suffering is close to what he suffered? You whiny bitch, take out your clothes before I make you”

As quickly as you could, you got naked in front of the preacher, except from your underwear. The first time you did it, just before meeting Arvin in the graveyard, you had cried and begged. Then the preacher had explained you that it was the only way to cure your sins, to redeem yourself for lying to him in the first place. He had told you not to talk to Arvin about it – and you didn’t, because he promised you to teach you to read and be a good girl for him.

You didn’t know if it was because of what happened to Lenora, because of the hurt look on Arvin’s face when you told him you couldn’t meet that weekend, or because you had noticed that lately the preacher’s eyes were shiner than usual when you took off your clothes. But you were starting to doubt if what he considered redemption was really it.

“It’s for you own good” the preacher said, as the belt fell for the first time near your right shoulder. He didn’t bother to avoid the previous days lashes – he liked to see how longer could you keep the tears away. “You want to clean yourself?”

“Please, don’t –“

“I asked you a question!”

The belt fell so many times that you lost count. You thought about how all of this could end – he had told you, you could wipe your sins with the belt or with him. And every time you chose the belt, the preacher’s face got angrier. He wasn’t the nice, quiet man that presented himself in the church a few months ago, with a kind smile. You had really thought he was a nice man, but as the days passed and you were submitted to your own hell, your impression of him was changing.

You were afraid, something you hadn’t been at the beginning. It was easy to ignore what he was doing, because you took it as a punishment for not learning how to read. It was a motivation, and you were eager for each meeting, until one day you could show them that you could read. Maybe write a letter to Arvin, and watch how his warm smile lifted finally your mood. But the preacher had less patience each day, and you were making more mistakes – because he didn’t want you to learn, he just wanted you to choose the other option. Wanted you to leave Arvin and lay with him, and even you, who couldn’t read, wouldn’t do that.

You accepted the hits in silence, waiting for it to be over so he could drive you back to the church. And from then, pretending nothing was wrong.

-

The familiar truck from the Russell was parked outside your house the next day, when you finished your shift at the café. You almost didn’t notice it, because your father used to have one pretty similar. It wasn’t until you parked your car in front of your fence that you saw the familiar boy staring at you from the side of the truck.

Arvin was smoking, as always, and had a brow raised. He watched without saying anything as you got out of your car, getting ride of the ashes of the smoke. You took your time in grabbing your bag and closing your car – if your memory was right, it had been five days since you last saw Arvin, and it had just been a brief talking in the washing rooms. You had noticed he had something to say, but even if just two months ago you wouldn’t have had any problem talking about anything, now he couldn’t find away.

He waited for you, not saying a word. You chose not to say anything about the bruise and swelling around his left eye, because if you talked, you were sure you would just burst crying. That day the preacher had been busy with a family, so he had given you the day free – which was why you were coming home so soon, and why Arvin and you were the only ones there.

As you left he keys on the kitchen table and your bag on the chair, Arvin closed the door behind him. You didn’t have to look at him to know that he was staring.

“I was ‘ere yesterday” he announced, his voice echoing the empty space. “Waited for you to come back, but your daddy told me you’re coming home later now”

“Longer shifts, you know” you took out the pan, ready to make dinner and avoid the conversation. “Leroy is having – “

“I came from the café, and it was closed” Arvin cut you off. “Is everythin’….?”

Arvin didn’t finish his question, and you felt bad because he wasn’t demanding an explanation – he was just worrying. You kept moving things around for dinner as Arvin understood you weren’t going to talk. There was a suspicious wet feeling on your eyes, and a lump on your throat. The previous day the preacher had been particularly rough, not just with his belt, but with his words. And when you thought about Arvin, about how good he was, you wondered if they were true. If you didn’t deserve him.

Instead of giving up, Arvin walked around the kitchen aisle. Unknown to you, it hadn’t been the first day he had come to look for you. Since Lenora’s death he had kept his distance, too busy in his own grief to notice that you were no longer asking him to pick you up. He blamed himself, for the argument in the graveyard two days before her death and for not being there. So busy, that he didn’t know where his girl was spending her nights away.

He didn’t want you to think he was accusing you, because he would trust you with his eyes closed. But after asking around for a while, he discovered you were spending more and more time with the preacher, and that you didn’t smile as brighter as before. Now that he was finally alone with you, he couldn’t let it go.

“Y/N” he called you, putting a hand over yours and stopping the torture over the poor tomato. “I just wan’ to talk with you. I know she was your friend too, and I’m sorry I wasn’ here before”

“It’s fine, Arvin” you said. You didn’t look at him, nor shook his hand off. With the knife midway of cutting the tomato, you didn’t move. “Sorry for not… being there too”

“No, that’s my fault, darlin’” Arvin finally rounded your body and leant his head against your shoulder. “Can I treat you dinner? I’ve savin’ up for a bit”

“I can’t, I have to – “

You interrupted yourself with a pained whine and scrambled away from Arvin, almost having forgotten how bad your back hurt. The look of pure terror on his face decomposed you whole. In just two seconds, the knife had fallen to the ground and the tomato had rolled away, and Arvin looked like he had touched ice. He was pale, with his arms still open in a mid-hug and staring at you with wide eyes.

The house was silent for a long minute, while tears welled up in your eyes. Arvin looked lost, as if he could just vanish in thin air, but he collected himself well enough to help you up and sit you on the kitchen’s stool, that creaked under your weight.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, not moving his hand from your shoulder. He knelt in front of you and made you meet his eyes. “You can tell me anythin’, pretty girl”

“It hurts” you cried to him, finally saying out loud. “It hurts when I sit, or when I drive. And – and when I sleep too. I just don’t want it to hurt anymore”

“What hurts?”

“The belt”

Somehow, Arvin knew what you were talking about, and lifted your shirt with such soft and caring hands that you heart broke a little more. He asked permission with his eyes before doing anything, and reassured you when you whined in pain. Eventually, the brown blouse you had been wearing for your shift at the café came out, Arvin lifting your arms and passing it through your head.

He left it on the table, and turned you around so that he could look properly at it. The poor wrapped bandages you managed to apply by yourself came out easily as you cried into your hands. One by one, they came apart under Arvin’s skilled fingers, who made a pile of them on the floor. Even if you didn’t see his face, you had a vague idea what it looked like. In that moment, you understood that what the preacher was doing wasn’t right – because you couldn’t talk about it to Arvin without feeling embarrassment and self-pity crawl through your throat.

“I’m so stupid, Arvin” you broke the silence, as Arvin feather touch ran down your back. “I can’t – I can’t get most of the words… They are, a-all the same. And… and…”

“Who?”

You turned around to look at Arvin, and didn’t see any of the reject you had expected from what the preacher had told you. There wasn’t even an inch of anger, at least you thought it wasn’t directed at you. When he met your eyes, there was just worry and love for you, and such a sadness and pain that probably matched yours.

Arvin cupped your face delicately and pressed his lips in the corner of your mouth, catching a falling tear. He kissed your face as many times as the belt had fell on you the previous day, until his own tears were staining your cheeks. Between kisses, Arvin learned about you learning to read with the preacher, about your thought of not being worthy of him and a bunch of other words that made him hold you tighter.

Your bare chest ended up colliding with Arvin’s, and his arms wrapped around your back without touching any bruise. He held your head close as he shook with emotions, and shushed any attempt of apology from you.

“I’ll fix it” Arvin promised you, once the tears were over and you were just holding each other. “I’ll fix it”

“But it was my fault, Arv, he –“

“He fuckin’ beat you. Nothin’ you could have done deserved it” he caressed your hair, and you felt at ease for a long time in a long time. “I swear I’m gonna make ‘im regret every second, a’right?”

“He said I was no good for you” you confessed, hugging him tighter. “I don’t – I have never gone to school and you – you deserve…”

“Hey” he brought your face out and gave you a soft smile. “You’re coming home with me now, and I’m gonna make you forget bout him”

Arvin pressed his lips against you, not minding the awkward position you were in.  The kiss was slow and lovely, and you hadn’t notice how much you had missed him until that moment. He kissed you again and again, making sure you weren’t going to disappear from his grasp, and repeating how much he loved you every time his lips weren’t on you. You two held each other for a little longer, until the sun disappeared completely from the sky and the time when your parents came home was close.

Then, he helped you put on your blouse again, wincing every time his eyes landed on your back, and walked with you to his car. You two drove to his house, his grandma in bed and his granduncle away, which left the whole place for you. It wasn’t like that weekend where everything started – you couldn’t say you were the same person as then, but Arvin loved you even more. He let you sleep on his bed, and he held you through the night until you fell asleep.

Once you had closed your eyes, you didn’t notice anything else. You didn’t notice Arvin barely containing his rage anymore, and getting up to get the gun he had gotten for his birthday. He pressed his lips against your forehead and jumped through the window as you slept, getting into his car.

Arvin Russell didn’t get to pull the tigger that night. When he arrived to the church, he saw the preacher bidding farewell to a young girl, and he waited. Waited until he was alone, and decided that a man like that didn’t deserve the mercy to die. Waited, and then he fell on him in the dark night and left him trembling and bloody, crying out in pain each time Arvin brought his fist on his face. He heard the cracking of the ribs, his nose breaking, and the pathetic sobs the preacher was begging with. Arvin left him unconscious on the woods, with no memories of what had happened.

That day, Arvin broke two knuckles and sprained his wrist. The preacher was sent to the hospital and, out of fear, never put a foot on Knockemstiff again. And you healed, physically and mentally, while Arvin taught you how to read. Loving you every step of the way.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists​, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Tom Holland and Peter Parker Taglist

@delicately-important-trash​​

@lexxxistrips​​​​

@smilexcaptainx​​​​​

@aikaterrina​​​​​

@zalladane​​​​

@gypsystuf​​​​​ (since you didn’t answer me, I just put you on the general taglist. Let me know if you want to change!)

@nikkixostan​​​​

@galaxystern08​​

@justifymyfeelings​​

Arvin Russell (the preacher’s sins) Taglist

@jeyramarie​

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

Not bad at all.

FRANCISCO ‘CATFISH’ MORALES. ┃ TRIPLE FRONTIER.

❝ request by @chibsytelford: Heyo. What about reader being very shy around Frankie on the first date, who's also shy, and one of them just cracks a joke and they just laugh and laugh and the ice is broken, and they have the best date. ❤ Thank you.

❝ words: about 1.9k.

❝ a / n: first time writing for Frankie! I'm really excited and I hope you all enjoy it.

Gif credits to the author.

“Santiago García, I swear that if you stand me up, I'm gonn—”.

“(Y/N)?”

Your blood freezes at the call as your eyes go wide, keeping the phone in your ear as you spin around with a forced and ashamed smile on your lips, you feel your knees weak watching Frankie some steps away from you with both hands inside the red and black flannel jacket. Son of a bitch. Hanging up the call —or better said, the voicemail— the two of you come closer to each other.

“What 'you doing here?”

As the question comes out of his mouth, there's an awkward moment where you don't know if you should greet with a kiss on your cheek or hugging, being a mix of both that makes you giggle.

“Well, uh… It was supposed I'd have dinner with Santi, but… he hasn't shown yet”. You reply puckering your lips, noticing the change in his gesture. “I've been waiting for the last twenty minutes and I'm really hungry”.

You can't help but frown watching him rub the back of his neck, slightly moving the hat covering his softs curls. Squinting at him you don't really need Frankie to speak to know what's happening. You can feel your face and the tip of your ears burning because of the embarrassment. Last week you confessed to your best friend the things you were starting to feel for Fish and he has decided to force you to take a step ahead.

And seems like Santiago has done the same with him. But, does it mean he feels something for you too? You sigh rubbing your face trying to calm down the heat covering your skin, while he babbles random words. You see him waving a trembling hand between the two of you, perceiving he's as nervous as you are. That causes you to curve your lips up with a soft funny smile.

“Listen, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. I— I— I… shit”. He ends up grunting stroking his lips and his chin passing his palm over them, putting his terrified dark chocolate eyes from you. Frankie looks like a pudding and you can swear it's the sweetest thing you have ever contemplated. Too captivated by the way he has to raise his black hat from his head to brush his hair using only three fingers, before putting it on again, he takes your silence like a negative. “Lemme walk you home at least”.

His beg throws you back to reality, finding an insecure gaze looking for a positive this time. It's the first time since you met him two years ago that you watch him doubting, feeling unsure of himself. He has always given you the impression of being a cool-headed and confident man, but now Fish is quite the opposite.

“I'm hungry tho”. You reply as soon as you can react. “I just… think he did it on purpose. Making me wait for dinner, you know… So I wouldn't say no”.

Santi knows pretty well how to play his cards. It is his specialty. But that hasn't sound how you were expecting, as Frankie continues feeling ashamed, probably misunderstanding you.

“I me— mean, I wouldn't say no anyway”. You confess with a soft whisper, bowing your gaze down to his boots for a second. A brief second that seems enough to offer you a hand without noticing it.

Your heart races with the deep belief it could fly off from your chest when your cold fingers get laced with his warm ones. An electrifying shiver roams your body from your tiptoes to the top of your head, as he secures your hands together to come inside the restaurant. Only like a gentleman would do, he keeps open the door for you to walk in first, not loosening your connection at any time. For an instant, you can't help but fantasize about having real dates with Frankie, with him falling for you while continuing to believe he's just being polite and compensating you for Pope's ambush.

You lead your steps through the hallway between tables with old couches just in like the fifties, till the end of the place with the last table free close to the large window from where you can see the street. That's when, much to your regret, your hands are separated to take a seat in front of the other, occupying yours then with the menu to calm the nervousness shaking them briefly. You're going to kill Santi tomorrow. How does he dare to play dirty to you? And poor Frankie who —probably— could have a better plan than having dinner with you, if it wasn't for his friend.

The silence is installed soon around your table after the drinks are served, feeling the tension in the environment while you continue not knowing what to say or how to break the ice. You're about to tell him that he doesn't have to stay, just like he has said a couple of minutes before, but when you open your mouth nothing comes out; totally enraptured on the way he's looking at you waiting for something. You can't help but force another smile pursing your lips shamefacedly. Putting down your eyes over the menu between your hands, you try to pretend you're actually reading it, but your mind is busier on how the simple touch of his hand stole the air from your lungs.

“Pope told me you're learning Spanish”.

You have to hide your face for a second, cursing your damn best friend in silence before sticking your head out of the carte nodding with your cheek.

“Why?” Frankie sounds so curious that makes you think he maybe knows the real and main reason.

“Oh, uh… expand knowledge”.

You're a terrible liar and he doesn't need to be a genius to notice it.

“Tell me something in Spanish”. He asks cockily, placing his arms over his backrest.

You chuckle shaking your head this time while saying no once and once. But when he leans over the table, forearms against the edge of it, you have to gulp before choking on your own saliva like an idiot. The heat invading your whole anatomy again causes you to lick your lips, hoping that gesture calms you somehow.

“There's a… sentence that… I find funny for some re— reason”.

“Okay… Go'head”.

You make a short pause, finding some encouragement to utter it by remembering why you started to learn it. To impress him. To talk with him and call his attention.

“Juan come manzanas”.

(Juan eats apples).

Your accent is horrible, that's a fact, you knew that; but you feel more embarrassed when he remains silent for a second, breaking into a burst of loud laughter after not being able to contain it. You can't avoid a chuckle either, leaving in the background your shame, to focus on the beautiful melody his laugh is. You could spend all your life listening to it without abhorring it.

“Your pronunciation is awful”. He giggles adjusting his hat, raising a little the visor to look you better.

“Woah, thank you”. You reply with a humorous grimace drawn on your lips and a light sarcasm in your tone of voice. “I really appreciate it coming from you”.

“You're welcome”.

Shaking your head you begin to feel somewhat relaxed, finding a topic to talk about and joke about it so this situation is less awkward. You grab your beer to have a sip whilst he continues keeping visual contact with you, noticing he wants to add something but he doesn't dare. You know what it is, tilting your head as your eyes are narrowed.

“I don't trust you to be my teacher, surely you'll teach me the wrong things to make fun of me”.

“Meh…” He replies waving a hand jokingly, causing you to chuckle again.

As the night goes on and you discover more interesting things about him and his stage in the army, the dinner comes to an end and he insists you to walk you home. He doesn't want either to finish your conversation, talking about everything and nothing, in reality, just enjoying your voice and how excited you sound while talking about one of your hobbies or your favorite tv show. Just like you, he couldn't get tired of your company.

You reach your house sooner than expected, having been entertained and feeling this time your way back home has become shorter than ever. The nerves kick you again standing close to your porch not knowing what to say, what to do, or offer him a last drink. You'd sell your soul to the devil for five minutes more, but maybe you need to take it easy.

“Thanks for walking me”. You utter in a thin voice thread, playing with the keys between your fingers.

“It's been a good night”. Frankie opines then keeping a hand in a pocket and using the other to scratch a side of his neck. “I mean… we can repeat it whenever you want”.

Like another date? Has it been a date, actually? Or just two friends hanging out?

“Yeah! Yeah, sure. Sounds good to me”. You nod an instant before letting go a soft sight. “Uh… I should… you know”.

“Yeah, 'course. Good night, (Y/N)”.

“Good night, Fish”.

Offering him one last smile, you turn around to go upstairs your porch straight to the front door. But as soon as you introduce the key in the lock, you're interrupted.

“Hey!” You face him again, curious and intrigued, watching him coming closer towards you with his hat now in a hand. “How bad would be if… I kiss you?”

That's the most unexpected question you have ever heard, causing your brain to collapse momentarily until you realize it hasn't been a figment of your imagination. The smirk on his face curves shyly in the right corner of his lips, stopping his feet not too far from yours.

“Not… bad at all”. You giggle in response. What else could you say?

His mouth meets yours with a soft sweet touch. Just a touch, until they get used to each other. Slowly, Frankie places his hands on your lower back seeming afraid if you suddenly decide it's a terrible idea, and take a step back. This feeling disappears when yours land on both sides of his neck, securing a little more the grip and shortening the small distance between your chests. He tastes like beer and chocolate, after sharing a piece of brownie like dessert. For you, Frankie tastes like heaven. And without planning it, he needs the urge to slide his tongue between your lips to find yours. By inertia, your fingers tour his skin till being gently nailed in the back of his neck, breathing through your nose not wanting to finish the kiss.

As both of you swirl your tongues around the other, you become a little addicted, almost moaning inevitably against his lips when you have to stop not having enough air filling your lungs.

“How bad would it be if I ask you to stay?” You murmur unable to believe what you have just said.

“Not bad at all”. He doesn't hesitate, caressing the tip of your nose with his, wrapping his arms around your waist to hold you tighter and pepper your lips as you try to open the front door.

If you’ve liked it, lemme know in a comment, I’d really appreciate it. Reblogs are welcome too, so more people can enjoy it! ✨

GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @Jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95

TRIPLE FRONTIER: @phoenixhalliwell @goldielocks2004

[lilacyennefer]

It is You, it is Me, it is Us

Anon asked:  Hi! Can I request “ Person A: “....You have far too much faith in me.” Person B: “And you have far too little.” with Angel Reyes? Thank you! 

A/N: Hi there! This is my first time writing for Angel so I'm a little nervous, but I got this request and loved it so much I quickly had to wrtie this at work today lmao. Anyway, I don't have an Angel Reyes tag list yet so if you want to be on it please comment or send an ask. I hope you guys like this :) Have a nice weekend!

WARNING: mention of vomiting, a little angst, lot of fluff, that’s all I guess

Angel always could count on you, he knew that. 

He always tried to keep you away from the club business, never really wanted to talk about it to you, he wanted to spare you, and he was afraid he’d get you into danger if you knew everything. 

But there was one point, a breaking point to Angel when he realised he only can count on you. 

EZ’s betrayal, and that Felipe took his little brother’s side, completely broke Angel. 

You were clueless when he came home, you had your own little secret that you kept from him, didn’t know how to tell him yet.

A baby. 

You figured it out two weeks ago that you were pregnant, and you were scared how Angel would react to this, so you didn’t tell him yet. 

You wanted to tell him that night when he came home, broken and angry, and hurt. 

Your heart broke when you saw how defeated he was, and again, you couldn’t make yourself to tell him, since you tried to pour some life back into him.

That night he told you everything that he was keeping from you, breaking down and needing someone to be there for him, telling him he wasn’t alone. 

You grabbed his hand, and your heart clenched when Angel looked at you with his teary eyes. 

You swallowed hard before you said anything.

“I’m here for you Angel, and with you.” You squeezed his hand “You can always count on me, no matter what. We are a family, and I’m always here. No matter what!” 

You take his face in your hands as you continue “I know you’re hurt right now, and you have every right to be. And you have to let yourself to feel this hurt, the anger. This house, and me, is your safe place, okay? You don’t have to hide any of your emotions, afraid that I’ll judge you for it. You know I would never. It’s okay to feel pain, to feel hurt, and ask someone to help you with it.” You gently wipe a tear off his cheek with your thumb “This is our safe place. You’re safe with me.” A small smile tugs the corner of your lips from your next sentence “And I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone hurt you, ever. I’m gonna protect you, no matter what. I don’t care that you’re a giant compared to me,” Angel chuckles “I’m still going to protect you.

“That’s supposed to be my job.” Angel tells you.

You nod “You do the physical protecting, and I do the emotional. As a team.” 

Angel looks at you for a very long moment, his eyes are skimming over your face. 

“You mean everything to me, I hope you know that.” He whispers as he pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around you, holding you as close as possible.��

“Please never forget that.” You mutter against his chest, your secret is making your chest heavy.

A little bit over a week has passed some that night, and you still haven’t told Angel that you’re pregnant. 

One morning, you were laying in bed with him, he was still asleep, his head was resting on your chest, mouth open and slightly drooling on you, his tattooed arm was thrown around your belly, legs tangled together. 

Softly, careful not to wake him, you were running your fingers through his hair, when a sudden nausea hit you, and you could feel that you have to be in the bathroom in seconds.

“Oh god.” You whisper before you push Angel off of you, waking him, then you rush to the bathroom before you throw up. 

When Angel realised something was wrong, he rushed to the bathroom after you, squatting down next to you as he rubbed your back while you emptied your stomach into the toilet. 

“You shouldn’t see this.” You mutter.

“You saw me in worse states after parties.” Angel chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m afraid this isn't a hangover.”  

“Then what? Food poisoning? It seemed like you enjoyed the food last night.” 

“Angel, please can you get me a glass of water.” Is all you say.

“Shit, yeah!” He quickly gets up from the floor and goes to the kitchen to get you a glass of cold water. 

You gratefully take the glass from him and take a few sips in silence. 

You drank most of the water slowly, Angel was by your side the whole time, rubbing your back softly. 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth.” You mutter, and Angel leaves you alone while you get yourself together.

There’s no way of avoiding this anymore. 

After a quick shower, and brushing your teeth, you slightly felt better, until you stepped out of the bathroom and the strong smell of coffee hit your nose, and you can’t help but make a disgusted face. 

“What is this smell?” You ask Angel as you walk into the kitchen.

“Coffee.” He says simply.

“What? You love coffee, especially the smell of it.” He states when he sees your disgusted expression.

You take a deep breath. It’s now or never. 

“Angel, I have to tell you something.” You say nervously. 

Angel, seeing your serious expression, furrows his brows as he walks closer to you.

“What’s wrong, mi dulce?” He places his big hand on the side of your face, his palm covers the most of your cheek. 

You take another deep breath, then close your eyes before you whisper “I’m pregnant.” 

You don’t open your eyes as you wait for Angel’s reaction, but your eyes snap open when you hear laughing. 

“Yeah, that’s really funny Y/N.” 

You keep looking at him, as serious as you can to prove that you’re not joking.

Does he really think that you’re joking?

Angel is still smiling and shaking his head, but when he looks at you again, his smile fades.

“Wait, are you serious?” 

“Do you really think I would joke with something like this?” You snap “This has been killing me in the past few weeks! I’m constantly terrified of your reaction, that you’ll leave me, and you think I’m joking?!” 

Angel opens his mouth to say something, but he stops when he sees tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I wanted to tell you that night you came home and told me about EZ’s betrayal. I couldn’t make myself to do it, I was afraid it would break you even more.” You cry. “I’m so terrified, Angel, ever since I know it. We never talked about this, I have no idea what’s your opinion about this, I’m afraid you’ll think that I’m baby trapping you.” You sob “I’m confused, afraid, and all alone in this.” 

“You’re not alone!” Angel says firmly “Shit, I certainly wasn’t expecting this. I never imagined myself as a family type, as a father, but fuck, I also never imagined myself being so fucking in love with a woman, but here we are.” Angel takes your face in his hands. “Did we plan this? No. Am I terrified? Absolutely. But in no way, I’ll leave you, or force you into something that you don’t want.” The whole time your eyes are fixed on Angel’s chest, not meeting his eyes as you cry.

“Look at me, my love, please.” Angel asks you softly.

You look up at him.

“We are in no way ready for this, but the fact that we will have a mini us, the perfect mix of both of us, running around here in a few months makes me excited.” Angel smiles, and you can’t help but smile too.

“And if you’ll stay with me, I can promise you that I’ll keep knocking you up.” He winks, and you can’t help, but snort at his words. 

“Let’s wait and see how we can handle one baby, at first.” 

You’re six months pregnant now. 

Things were going easier than you thought they’ll go, and You and Angel were incredibly happy about your baby.

But you couldn’t ignore the fact that something was bothering Angel, you didn’t ask what is it, you’re almost sure that it’s club business, and if he wants to tell you, he will.

But you couldn’t ignore the mean thoughts in your brain, saying that he’s distant because he hates the sight of you, he hates the fact that you’re getting bigger and bigger, and he can’t look at you anymore, and he’s probably with one of Vicky’s girls. 

These thoughts made you break down in painful sobs. 

One night, you’re laying in bed, on your back, watching something on tv when Angel comes home. 

You hear him take his Kutte off, his shoes, as he slowly walks towards the bedroom that you share.

“You should be sleeping.” He says when he sees you being awake.

“I’m not sleepy. Hormones you know.” 

“I’m gonna take a shower quickly.” Angel says before he disappears in the bathroom.

You turn off the tv while you wait for him.

After like 5 minutes, Angel comes out of the bathroom, wearing only a loose black boxer that he loves to sleep in. 

He lays down next to you, turning towards you, drinking in the sight of you. 

Placing a hand on your round belly he whispers “You’re so beautiful.” 

It’s your turn now to turn your head towards him so you can look at him.

“And here I thought you hated the sight of me.” You whisper, voice so small you’re not sure that Angel heard you. 

But he did.

His head snapped up with a confused, and somehow offended expression.

“Why the fuck you’d say that?” 

“I can see that something is wrong. And I’m getting bigger, and bigger…”

“Stop right there!” Angel says forcefully. “You really think that’s the reason?”

You don’t reply.

Angel licks his lips, he’s no longer looking you in the eyes, but it’s fixed on your round belly. 

“I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up.” He confesses “I’m afraid that I’ll be a horrible father, and our child will hate me. All I can think about is that I will fuck it up.” 

“Angel.” You whisper “You won’t fuck this up. Not as long as I’m here and we do this together.”

“You can’t know that.” He shakes his head.

“Yes, I can. Because I know you Angel Reyes. You might fuck things up, but who doesn’t?!? Everyone makes mistakes, but the only thing important is that we learn from them. And you do, my love. You’re going to be the most amazing father. And you know why?” 

Angel shakes his head.

“Because you have a big heart. And when you love someone, you give everything you have to them, you love them more than anything, and you would do anything for them. I know it’s true, because I feel it everyday.” 

“You have far too much faith in me” Angel whispers.

“And you have far too little.” You reply “You have to start believing in yourself, mi Angelito.” 

“You’re going to be an amazing father, and this little one is lucky to have you as their dad.” 

Angel moves closer to you, placing a hand on your belly as he kisses you lovingly. 

“Thank you. For everything.” Angel whispers against your lips.

“Always, my Angel. Always. 

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.9

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Nine: illicit affairs: The direct aftermath of Spencer’s confession. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading.     Word Count: 1.5k Warnings: swearing, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, talk of breakup/s, cheating, very angsty, a tiny tiny bit of fluff, this whole series is a real slow burn

series masterlist

A/N: thank you for the continuous love you are showing to this little story! i can’t put into words how much it means to me, truly!! thank you also to those who expressed whether they would prefer this chapter to be happy or painful, you all really inspired me!! ENJOY!

-

“P-please say something.” Spencer’s plea was barely a whisper.

Time stood still in that moment. His heart was now in his throat, his hands trembling against your soft skin. He could see the sadness in your eyes, the conflict. Hurting you was exactly the thing he wanted to avoid. And as he silently observed the uncertainty cloud your features, his soul ached.

“I-I.. Spencer, I…”

There was a period of time after your breakup where you imagined something like this happening perhaps a million times. Where you wished he’d tell you all of the things he just did. Like a wild dream. A happy dream where you would say you loved him too. He would wrap his large arms around your frame, and never let go again.

This felt nothing like that. This was more like a nightmare.

His voice was ringing in your ears, the confession replaying on loop. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to think. You felt betrayed by the man standing in front of you. Betrayed by the words he said.

Most importantly, you felt betrayed by your own feelings.

“Please leave.” You finally uttered, chin trembling.

The sentence came out croaky, broken even, but Spencer heard you. Pain rushed through him, burning his skin inside out. He twitched his nose in a failed attempt at trying to fight back his own tears.

He was prepared for this outcome, he knew it was a possibility. He knew there was a chance you would distance yourself from him. He knew you might get angry. After all, the kiss you shared two months ago didn't compare to what he just weighed off his chest. Especially if you didn't feel the same way.

In this moment however, as he held your face and looked deep into your eyes, his heart was in agony. He wasn't ready to let you go.

“Please leave.” You repeated a little more determined. Your hands quickly travelled to his in an effort to free yourself from his strong embrace.

“Y/N, don’t do this. W-we can talk this out.” Spencer begged, not wanting to let you slip away. “You’re the most important person in my life Y/N. I need you. I-I know that’s unfair. And I know it was unfair to tell you the truth about how I truly feel now, after all this time. I know that. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. Please-e don’t tell me to leave, please. I need y-you.”

“W-what, what about what I need?”

By now, the tears streaming down your face were resembling a waterfall. Everything was heavy, especially your heart. Conflicting emotions circling through you causing your head to spin. You felt like you were losing your mind. As if the room was getting smaller, and the walls were closing in.

“What about what I need, Spencer?!” You cried out, sadness slowly dissipating into anger. Your hands moved to his chest. You pushed him backwards, little by little, struggling to break free. “Get out! Get out! Get out.. Get out...” Your voice faded.

The brunette doctor let his arms fall. Completely defeated he took a step back, giving you space to breathe. Hastily, he wiped his tears away before proceeding to run his fingers through his hair.

An agonising silence filled the room. The two of you stared at one another, both afraid to speak up first. Afraid to somehow make this worse. Salty droplets continued to stream down your face as you tried to organise your thoughts, and your conflicting feelings.

There was no denying you loved Spencer too. You realised now more than ever that you always have. But you also loved Ethan, and you couldn't just walk away from a relationship you tried so hard to build. A relationship that to a certain extent helped you get over the very man standing in front of you.

Which is what hurt the most - Spencer’s impeccably terrible timing.

“W-why didn't you say anything sooner?” You sniffled. “I-I waited for you. After we broke up, before I met Ethan, I waited for you. I-I wanted you Spencer, and you never said anything. You never showed any inclination that you wanted me back. Why?”

The one-worded question lingered in the air. Heavy. Shattering.

Spencer sniffled quietly. A broken look was visible on his features; one to match yours. Tears slowly trailing down his jawline.

“B-because... Because....” He stuttered. Mind racing as he tried to collect his thoughts. Truthfully, Spencer didn't have an answer to that question. He didn't have a good enough reason. “I-I was afraid. I was afraid if I said something I would lose you all over again.”

“How much does it hurt knowing you lost me anyway?” It was the wrong thing to say. You regretted it the second it escaped your lips.

Heartbreak is a whole-body response. Similar to a grieving process, there are a number of stages. A number of reactions. It spreads through the nervous system, the respiratory system, and the endocrine system. It spreads until you’re unable to function.

Your words were ringing in Spencer’s ears. He felt nauseous. The room was spinning. Everything he feared was coming true.

Heartbreak doesn't just affect the heart and brain. It’s a lot more complicated than that.

“Y-you don't mean that.” He whispered, taking a hazy step towards you. “I-I know you don't mean that. Please, Y/N...”

The way he said your name made your heart ache even more. You didn’t want to cause him any pain, just like you knew his intentions weren’t malicious either. Yet, the two of you stood across from one another with nothing between you but hurt.

“I love you. And I-I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but please don’t tell me to go. Please don’t shut me out.” Spencer pleaded. His hands found yours, and he held them close to his chest. “I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you Y/N.” He repeated.

Sniffling, you swallowed your breath. The waterfall ended. Instead, it was replaced by lone wet droplets gradually trailing down your features.

“I love you too.” You expressed in a soft voice before meeting his wandering gaze.

Spencer blinked. His heart fluttered as he registered what you admitted.

“Y-you do?” He didn't think he’d be lucky enough to hear you say those three words again and mean it. Really mean it. Of course he hoped you would. After all, you said them earlier tonight. However, right now it was different. He felt it with every fibre of his being. You loved him back.

“Of course I do! Of course I love you! I always have, and I’m pretty sure I will never stop.” You admitted. The words spilling out of you with such ease you knew it was a sign what you were saying was true. “No-one makes me feel the way you do.”

A deep sigh escaped your lips. “B-but I can’t love you, Spencer. I’m getting married.”

“If Ethan doesn’t make you feel-” He began, but you quickly cut him off.

“You’re the love of my life Spencer. My soulmate. You came into my life at exactly the right time and made it so much richer. You helped me become the person I am today. Our connection is so strong, we can understand each other without a word. We’re combined through heart and mind, and I will never regret the time we spent together. I will never regret loving you.” You revealed. “E-Ethan, however, Ethan is my life partner. He gives me comfort. He’s my right hand. Our bond grows stronger with everyday menial tasks.”

“I could be your life partner Y/N if you just gave me a chance.” Spencer’s hands moved to your cheeks once again, cupping them gently. “You told me you wanted to marry me before, we can do that.”

“Spencer...”

“Y/N, there is no doubt in my mind that I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with you. If you’ll have me.”

It was a proposal. A marriage proposal.

Spencer didn't have to specify, you knew that it was. You knew what he meant. He didn't have to get down on one knee with a diamond ring in hand. He didn't have to ask, ‘will you marry me?’. He didn't have to make it intentionally romantic. His words alone were evidence enough. Spencer Reid wanted to marry you.

“I-I, I need some time to think. I-I can’t just drop everything and run away with you. I hope you understand that Spencer.”

The hazel-eyed doctor slowly nodded his head. “Take all the time you need Y/N. I’ll wait. I will always wait for you.”

And with that, his lips found yours.

Despite the complicated situation you both found yourselves in. Despite the difficult position, and the choice you were now facing. He held you as close as it was humanely possible. Nothing mattered. The world slipped away. Your hands moved around his neck. Heartbeats syncing into one. 

Both of you revelling in the thought you found each other once again.

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

-

A/N: hope you liked this chapter and as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

masterlist | series masterlist | series playlist

story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no, @calm-and-doctor, @idroppedmygourd, @averyhotchner, @wowitsel