#avian attorney

[pbaintthetb]

the temptation to play this properly vs the temptation to play this like a buffoon

[okartichoke]

i do not have a name for this au yet but, hey ! look ! listen ! i drew some more :3

(gregory is a red kite too, forgot to write that in)

next set will probably be about DL-6 (more manfred with that one too) and how it is different in this universe. cuz like, a bunch of cases change if (almost) everyone can fly, and i’m real excited to dig into that

okay i didn’t know how to make this concise, so i wrote an essay 💀💀💀

Explanation for kestrel Fran: (to clarify first: i went off the behaviors of an American kestrel, but the coloration of a banded kestrel because it fits her better)

Originally, I planned to have her as a peregrine falcon because of her whole “speedrunner” vibe, but peregrines have to really commit to their dives yknow? franziska commits but she can adapt and retry faster than a peregrine, so i switched it (but as always i’m indecisive as hell and everything is subject to change LOL)

i liked the peregrines pattern for her though,, the banded kestrel looks pretty similar. also kestrels are small and i think that’s cute sue me :3

i also struggled a lot (A LOT) to come up with something i liked for Miles, but i ended up pretty happy with the kite ! ( not all prosecutors are birds of prey btw, these 3 just so happened to be lol )

thanks for reading if you got this far :33 hope you enjoyed my ace attorney bird wings au ted talk

[attorneys-against-court-violence]

Taka post because I cannot stop spinning that bird in my brain like a deli chicken. Kept spoilers to a minimum where I could - this list only focuses on Taka with minimal detail elsewhere, though minor spoilers for Case 6-4!

Taka is based on a type of bird in the genus Accipiter. This encompasses 49 species of hawk, but Taka himself is most likely a Eurasian Sparrowhawk or Goshawk due to the franchise originally taking place in Japan (note the similar markings & patterns on their feathers!)

Taka's cry is most similar to a Red-tailed Hawk. You might recognise it's call from film and other popular media! It's iconic screech is often dubbed over a Bald Eagle (which don't sound nearly as hardcore - look them both up if you have the time!)

Takagari - the practice of falconry in Japan - was a popular sport amongst samurai. Simon Blackquill being the "Twisted Samurai" he is, his owning of a hawk only cements the ye-olde samurai vibes.

His localised name, Taka, is literally the Japanese word for hawk.

His original Japanese name, Gin, could either be a play on a Japanese word for a piercing ringing noise or a Japanese word for the metal silver. It's romanised form is also only one letter away from his owner's first name, Jin.

Taka lives in the courthouse according to Simon Blackquill. He appears to make his home in Courtroom No. 4, where every trial Blackquill is present for takes place. The one exception is the second trial in Case 5-4, which takes place in Courtroom No. 5.

Coutroom No. 4 is also the room where Wocky Kitaki's trial was held in Case 4-2. Taka obviously did not make an appearance there, however, implying he either minds his business when Blackquill isn't present or only made a home there when Blackquill returned to prosecute in the following year.

Across all of Dual Destinies, Taka has attacked Apollo Justice, Phineas Filch, Phoenix Wright, Athena Cykes, Aristotle Means, and Bobby Fulbright. He has used the Judge as a perch on multiple occassions.

Taka emotes along with Blackquill in their animations; he's surprised when Blackquill slams the desk with one hand, chuckles to himself when Blackquill laughs, and threatheningly leans towards people he and Blackquill are upset at.

Blackquill shows open affection towards Taka, petting him during trials with a loving expression on his face & stating that Taka is as human in spirit as himself or anyone else.

Case 5-DLC implies that Bobby Fulbright is responsible for caring for Taka while Simon Blackquill is in prison. Blackquill goes so far as to make a phone call to "Fool Bright" to ensure he feeds Taka.

Several lawyer characters have "reading" poses where they hold a sheet of paper in front of themselves. Taka holds Blackquill's papers for him in his "reading" poses due to his shackles limiting what he can do with his arms.

Taka is intelligent enough to purchase items from a store and return them; in Case 6-4, Blackquill gives him money to buy camel buns in order to chase a potential lead during the trial.

Taka has made an appearance in-game in 6 cases; 5-2, 5-3, 5-4, 5-5, 5-DLC, and 6-4. The only trial in Dual Destinies he and his owner are absent from is 5-1. He is never seen during investigation sequences.

An audiodrama set during Dual Destinies confirms that Athena Cykes can hear emotions from Taka's calls, but they are not as clear as human emotions.

The same audio drama demonstrated Taka's intelligence again, with him trying to point the WAA lawyers to a crucial piece of evidence for his master's trial & playing along as "the Plumed Punisher" for a skit they put together to retrieve it.

[your-fav-is-a-therian]

Athena Cykes is a Chicken Therian!

[cookinguptales]

*agonized* I FORGOT BASIL OF BAKER STREET

anyway, here are some investigators I love in no particular order:

Phryne Fisher

BASIL OF BAKER STREET

og Sherlock Holmes who threatened to hit a guy with a stick for abusing his daughter, no other version

Benoit Blanc

"Sherlock" Futaba (I'm gay)

Hershel Layton

Phoenix Wright and/or Jayjay Falcon (iykyk)

Nancy Drew

Nick & Nora Charles

Goro Akechi, because I like an investigator that causes as many problems as he solves

also I feel like I should read more old-school mysteries. I should get into Agatha Christie. nothing is stopping me.

also also I think it's so funny that my gay shipper ass keeps not shipping huge m/m ships (like Sherlock/Watson and Phoenix/Edgeworth) but then I very much do ship them in AU versions of those canons (Sherlock/Wato-san, Basil/Dawson, Jayjay/Séverin, etc.)

why am I like this

[metaphorical-goblin]

HEY! LISTEN!

Remember that bird fic I wrote?

No???

Well, that’s ok.

But if you do remember!!! I wrote a little extra piece to go with that! Dr. Mitshko was one of my favorite characters, and I loved being able to take another little glimpse into his life!

I hope you enjoy this depressing little dive back into the Avian Attorneys universe!

Here’s the link :)

[neitherabaron]

Less that 24 hours to go before Small Saga drops! So hype.

Things you (yes, you!) should do:

- Go get the game on Steam https://store.steampowered.com/app/1320140/Small_Saga/

- Go follow its dev, Darya Noghani: @sketchylogic here, or @Sketchy_Jeremy on Twitter. Probably other places too!

- Darya was also one of the devs on Avian Attorney, a cool game about birds, lawyers, and lawyers who are birds, so play that!

- Darya let me guest on their soundtrack, which was so cool of them! Go pick up my EP, Rat-Tailed Rover, which has the songs I contributed to the game: https://kofiyoung.bandcamp.com/album/rat-tailed-rover-songs-from-small-saga

- From tomorrow, you can also listen to Rat-Tailed Rover on Spotify, Apple, YouTube…anywhere you get your music streams!

Anyway, thanks for reading and enjoy the game! Sam and I are gonna be playing Small Saga every Monday night on our Twitch, so watch this space!

[murasakiyugata]

Been thinking about what Wrightworth would be like as a Chuck Tingle book. This is what I've come up with:

Pounded in the Butt by My Rival Attorney Who Is Also a 20-Foot-Tall Mythological Fire Bird

Niles Worthedging is a ruthless prosecutor who has never lost a case.  That is, until he goes up against the new defense attorney in town – who also happens to be a 20-foot-tall bird monster once thought only to exist in legend.  It seems that no matter how many times Niles shoots down this foul fowl’s objections, the avian attorney will rise from the ashes and win another Not Guilty verdict.

What’s worse, since this creature is constantly engulfed in flames, there's an ever-present threat that he will unwittingly set a fire in the courthouse – and in Niles’ pants.  Burdened with unnecessary feelings, Niles must figure out what it truly means to be a gay prosecutor.

Will the warmth of their new romance be enough to melt Niles’ ice-cold heart?  Or will their relationship be too hot to handle?

This erotic tale features sizzling bird monster on prosecutor action, outdated autopsy reports, and accidental arson.

[sporticus1234]

So who do you think is actually the killer?

While I have been throwing out random theories here and there, I do have a solid list of people I suspect are possible of it.

It's mostly narrowed down to who was present at Trystan's court hearing where Viktoria casually mentions that half the court heard Trystan wanted to bring back the Act for Heir Equity into debate. So namely, Viktoria, Vasili, Astrid, and Lydea. But also, they would be the only ones old enough and around the same age as Juliana at the time. (no real particular order)

Astrid Thorne.

I called this girl out weeks ago in multiple posts stating that her entire personality is fake and that she's actually hella smarter than what she's being portrayed as. First off, she's the only Thorne we know of that has any type of connections to actual criminals outside of Kaspar. Second of all, Olivia mentions that Astrid is a world-renowned manipulator and she's actually smarter than what she appears to be. She also mentions Astrid has never been able to be definitively tied to any death she was connected to and she doesn't like to "get her hands dirty". Ruby mentions that Nadja's death was sloppy enough to be a first kill, but that was when everyone thought it was just the dagger that killed her and not the garrote as we later discover. Trystan mentions that her dagger was supposedly "lost" yet they end up finding one in the secret passages moments later. Third of all, as mentioned previously, Astrid's nickname by her ex-boyfriend was "songbird" and what keeps getting coincidentally mentioned? Magpie. Bird taking the Monterisso jewels. The Drakovian nightingale. May not be relevant, but the connection to avians is suspicious...

While Astrid was supposedly at the opera, the security footage from the night of Nadja's murder showed her at the Palace, along with Vasili and Sebastyan. She was seen wandering random hallways until she went into her suite...a suite that has a connection to the secret passageway the dagger was found in. And Astrid was shown in one scene to be romantically engaging with another woman, so it's possible that Juliana & Astrid may have been together at one point or another. Astrid and Vasili are also the only other two who knew Trystan was taking the yacht out that night as well...

2.) Queen Viktoria.

THIS WOMAN. Ok first of all, she's old. Automatic suspicion of a villain by PB's standards. But second of all, I have a feeling she's running some type of plot to quell anyone who keeps trying to bring up the Act for Heir Equity, which we know she has 0 affinity for. We can see throughout the chapters that Trystan and Viktoria have a massively strained relationship, and Viktoria herself signed Trystan's warrant, was the judge in his trial, and basically gave 0 shits on the fact Trystan had a bribed attorney representing him. Is Viktoria the killer herself? I don't think so. But I have a feeling she's pulling some type of strings to get all 3 major players for the Act for Heir Equity murdered and all suspiciously tied to Trystan. I have a feeling she may have been ordering these murders to not only oust Trystan since she doesn't think he has what it takes to be the heir (he's only there since he's the oldest), but to also stop the Act for Heir Equity. If I had to guess, she most likely wanted Lydea on the throne instead considering Lydea is her right-hand woman.

3) An Agent on behalf of Viktoria.

These three would either be Lydea, Collette, and/or the personal assistant. Trystan mentions in the previous chapter that the only servants on the palace grounds after dinner happen to be the Queen and King's personal assistants. However, the personal assistant I find to be weak given that we have no real information yet on her. While Lydea was mentioned by Olivia as the murder being "out of character" for her, I find it odd how Trystan mentions Lydea has never showed one way or another her position on the Act for Heir Equity. No one is ever truly neutral on an issue. They all fall, to a certain degree, one way or another. While Lydea does have an alibi for Nadja's murder, she easily could've ordered someone else to do it. Same with the forced confession that she said was good enough to put Trystan away. Plus, if Viktoria ordered her to do so, Lydea would do it no questions asked.

4) Vasili Thorne.

Vasili is probably the most obvious person on this list. It's mentioned multiple times Vasili grew up in Trystan's shadow, and how he always took on work Trystan should've been doing. It's also brought to light by the MC in chapter 10 Vasili tends to side with whatever position is more convenient for him, which is why he believed Trystan was Nadja's murderer. He's also one of the other people who knew Trystan was taking the boat out the night of Juliana's death. We know that while Vasili stated he thinks Trystan was a better fit for the throne over Astrid and Lydea, it's mentioned by Trystan Vasili and Lydea have always been close with each other with Sebastyan being the third-wheel. And, he was also seen at the palace the night of Nadja's death along with Astrid as well.

If Vasili ends up being the murderer (which is definitely likely), my guess is that he felt Trystan didn't deserve the throne, but rather Lydea did. He probably has animosity towards Trystan for not caring about his family since it's mentioned he tended to pass his work off to the others AND Vasili called him a horrible person for abandoning Marguerite's fashion show. It's hella suspicious that for 8 years while Trystan was gone, everything seemed ok with Lydea as the heir. But then when Trystan came back and got reinstated as the heir, the two other people who could put the Act for Heir Equity back in motion end up suspiciously dead. Sebastyan and Nadja's deaths seem more like last minute desperation attempts to pin the crime on Trystan. And Vasili was the only one who mentioned any possible motive for Juliana's murder at the trial, and it was specifically mentioned that Juliana's change may possibly remove him from the throne. Interesting...

[docgold13]

Profiles in Villainy

Vulturo Prince of Darkness

The villainous Vulturo accrued a fortune from an unspecified source.  This wealth financed the development of a series of specialized vulture-themed weapons, which he used to operate as a high-priced assassin.  Vulturo was hired by the agents of FEAR to do in the high-flying Birdman after the hero had thwarted many of the organization’s villainous schemes.  Wirth his mechanical wings, repulser shield and cobalt ray emitter, Vulturo seemed the perfect adversary to take out Birdman.  Furthermore, the villain had devised a mechanical vulture called Dirth to battle Birman’s trusted golden eagle partner, Avenger.  To make matters worse, Vulturo chose to attack Birman at night when he hero’s solar-based powers were weakened.

Vulturo’s meticulous planning aside, Birman and Avenger managed to prevail and the villain barely escaped being apprehended by the authorities.  It would prove the first of many altercations between the two avian-based adversaries.  

Some time later, Vulturo earned a license to practice law and became a prosecutor who faced off against Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, on many an occasion.  

Actor Dick Beals voiced the villain in his original appearances on Birman and The Galaxy Trio; while actor Neil Ross voiced the character in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.  Vulturo debuted in an episode that aired on November 4th, 1967. 

[nothingunrealistic]

review roundup: billions 7x08 “the owl”

what a waste of my time! what did reviewers think?

New York Times: ‘Billions’ Season 7, Episode 8 Recap: Going Nuclear

Mike Prince is trying to do the right thing. A man for whom his wife, Andy, cares deeply has had a mountain-climbing accident in the Himalayas. He is injured and alone, in the path of a storm, running out of food and stranded on the Chinese side of the mountains. Mike has the resources to arrange a successful extraction, even under these physically and politically dangerous conditions. To rescue the man means risking an international incident and potentially ending his presidential campaign. Not to rescue him means the man will die, and Andy will lose someone who is more to her than a friend.

fascinated by the vagueness of the description of andy’s relationship to derek here.

In this secluded environment — clearly modeled after the Bohemian Grove, right down to the choice of its avian mascot — the nearly all-male elite can mix, mingle, urinate in the open air, go streaking through the snow, participate in tests of strength with offensive names and generally enjoy the rights and privileges of being right and privileged.

get their asses!

Known to friends and foes alike as “Fourth,” Pike is there to decide which of these self-conceptualized common-sense mavericks deserves his backing. He gets his answer in the most horrifying sequence this show has seen since Bobby Axelrod paid a doctor to let a patient die.

i can imagine there were more horrifying sequences, but i can’t think of any right now. (though who knows what the last four episodes might hold? we already know a fresh angle on the printer throwing scene is in there…)

Watching this room full of rich men discuss the incineration of millions as if they’re swapping fantasy football strategies is repulsive; there’s no other way to put it. It’s everything wrong with how decisions are made in this country, as wealthy people in no danger of facing consequences for their actions debate idly which lives are and aren’t worthless when stacked against the overriding importance of their own comfort and ambitions.

i love it when sean goes off like this. it’s a breath of fresh air next to sarene’s “prince is trump, no further questions your honor” analysis and kyle’s “i don’t think michael prince is a dangerous fascist” t-shirt.

Chuck’s quest to stop Prince from reaching the White House — like the parallel sabotage campaign led by Wendy, Wags and Taylor — is predicated on the idea that no man this free of self-doubt belongs anywhere near power, let alone the kind of power present in the nuclear football.

TAYLOR MENTIONED.jpg

Chuck leaves, visibly shaken. If self-styled guardians of the soul of the nation like Fourth don’t understand that they’re selling that soul by backing Prince, what hope does he have? Which raises another question: Is “Billions” the most chilling show on television right now? And I’m not talking about the wintry setting of this week’s episode. Like virtually every episode since Prince’s presidential ambitions became clear, “The Owl” casts an unflinching eye on the danger posed to American democracy by megalomaniacal strongmen, by the ultra-rich, and especially by the people who are both. In a sense, this is covered ground for the show. Chuck already took on billionaire overreach when he battled Bobby Axelrod for five seasons. His conflicts with the pointedly unnamed presidential administration in power in the show’s universe from 2017 to 2021, represented by odious officials like Attorney General Jock Jeffcoat and Todd Krakow, made a clear argument that authoritarianism, corruption and reactionary politics are correlated phenomena. But since Axe never got directly involved in politics, and since the former president was never depicted as an on-screen character, “Billions” has never had such an opportunity to explore all these issues up close by embodying them in one man. And in an episode that depicts the threat he presents in the starkest, most existential terms imaginable, it’s worth noting what that one man actually does.

📣📣📣

To its credit, “Billions” has long presented sexual fetishism and kink not as a source of comedy (OK, not only as a source of comedy), let alone as a marker of deep psychological dysfunction. It has always been presented more as just a part of the sex lives of countless basically normal people (OK, normal by “Billions” standards). It picks up this torch again in a subplot involving Wags’s discovery that he has a certain scatological fetish that initially sends his wife, Chelz (Caroline Day), fleeing from the room. (“Stop saying words out of your mouth!” she stammers in one of the best lines of the night.) When Wendy explains to Chelz that the fetish represents Wags’s desire to be loved unconditionally, despite even the most repugnant parts of himself, Chelz is into it — but for Wags, the explanation kills the mood, like a magician revealing how the trick is done. And I call shenanigans! Figuring out why you’re into the weird stuff you’re into makes it more fun, not less.

a few counterpoints:

from 4x02 onward, billions kind of has treated chuck’s masochism as a marker of psychological dysfunction (overton window speech notwithstanding) and his loss of interest in it over the past two seasons as a sign of positive personal growth.

how much credit does billions deserve for portraying kink positively in the sex lives of certain characters if simultaneously it’s shitting on certain other characters for having (or even wanting) sex lives at all?

are we sure wags and chelz are married? i think that would come up if it had happened. (i know the audio description for this episode refers to her as his wife, but it’s been wrong before.)

in wags’s case, i can believe that having his kink explained would cause him to lose interest. remember how he promised wendy he wasn’t seeing dr. mayer by saying “i prefer those depths unplunged”? this man does NOT want to know himself.

Vulture: Billions Recap: Pissing in the Wind

another four-star rating. who is making you do this, sarene?

“The Owl” is the last, what I would call, “casual” episode. Its minimal plotlines set the stage for the chaos that will ensue over the final four episodes. That’s not a spoiler: remember that we’re still owed three more Axe episodes. And Axe + Billions = chaos.

it can be a spoiler if i bring the plot summaries of the last four episodes into it! but yes, i agree, we’re finally at the stage where things really get wild, even if there wasn’t a proper midseason turning point. watch out for those tempo changes, man, ‘cause when we go into the second bridge last third of the season, this shit takes off.

Before Prince can start communing with nature and the political elite, though, he must solve a problem for his wife, Andy. Apparently, a “friend” of hers was climbing a mountain on the Nepal/China border before tackling Mount Everest, and now he’s injured and trapped on the Chinese side. Oh, and he’s more than just a “friend.”

again with the vagueness! won’t anyone be forthright and say that andy fucked this guy? or at the very least that she slept with him?

As soon as Fourth talks about listening to “new voices” who can lead the country to even more greatness and he dismisses Governor Dunlop’s viewpoints on nuclear weapons usage as “sensible,” it’s game over. Prince almost doesn’t even need to say out loud that he would, without hesitation, bomb a hostile country with plans to launch an attack. But he does. Because Mike Prince feels fine with the end of the world as we know it. In his mind, that’s a better decision than leading with hesitation, which he claims would be Governor Dunlop’s approach. While most gasp in horror, Fourth is impressed, calling Prince’s viewpoint “a nuance few are brave enough to voice” and the embodiment of America’s core value, “strength of nation.” This is how the 2016 election happened, folks…

*long and loud sigh*

From where Fourth stands, Chuck is small potatoes, and Mike Prince is the man who can Make America Great Again.

*longer and louder sigh*

People sure do weird things when they’re given a lot of power. And in case you really weren’t sure that Mike Prince is the latest Billions character to sell his soul to the devil, the episode’s final images should clear things right up. The Owl retreat concludes with the male attendees, wearing dark, hooded cloaks (better dark than white, I guess) and carrying torches, setting a giant wooded owl statue aflame to the haunting tune of Bob Dylan’s “Blind Willie McTell.” Good grief, this country is bizarre.

can you please not jump on the “WOAH THEY WERE TOTALLY DOING A SATANIC ILLUMINATI RITUAL TO MOLOCH AT THE END THERE” train? i’ve already seen enough of that on twitter.

I deliberately refuse to discuss the Wags-Chels subplot for two reasons: (1) It felt like a leftover storyline from another season that the writers wanted to squeeze in before Billions concluded. (2) I. Hate. That. Baby. Shower. Game. With. Every. Fiber. Of. My. Being.

this is how i first found out that that was a real baby shower game. i hate it here. and yes, it felt like something that belonged into an earlier season, when neither wendy nor wags had anything better to do — such as, say, working on that plan to topple their would-be authoritarian boss when he happened to be three hundred miles away for two days — than analyzing wags’s new weird kink.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Damianista): Billions on Showtime, Season 7 Episode 8: The Owl

damianista did not do a recap of this episode.

Entertainment Weekly: Billions recap: Into the woods

It's only when Michael Prince (Corey Stoll) decides he needs to attend the retreat that Chuck thinks twice about going.

incorrect! chuck goes because he knows dunlop and fourth will be there and wants to encourage him to endorse her rather than prince, but he has no idea prince will be attending until he arrives and sees prince there.

Complicating all of this, Andy (Piper Perabo) needs a favor. A friend of hers has disappeared while mountain climbing, and they can't use a beacon to coordinate a rescue because the man took an alternate route and crossed into China. Doing so would alert the Chinese government and he'd be held hostage. So Andy asks for Prince to coordinate a private, secret rescue using his connections. Prince does so despite the fact that if they get caught, his campaign is over, and despite his complicated feelings about the man being rescued, who's one of Andy's romantic connections in their open marriage.

“one of andy’s romantic connections” is the most explicit anyone’s gotten so far! congratulations!

All of this represents a shift in Prince's persona. He's becoming harsher, more cynical, and completely focused on his need for power. He's finally turning into the man everyone's been worried about.

he’s BEEN that man, kyle. that’s the point.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Gingersnap): The Unbeatable, Unstoppable, Unparalleled MVPs from Billions Season 7 Episode 8, “The Owl”

Gingersnap Supreme Sleazeball Swerdlow Sayings in a Scene…AGAIN – He’s back! Slimeball doc is back, this time wearing a prison-orange, head-to-toe, Karl Kani tracksuit to The Owl’s winter conclave. […] And it doesn’t stop there – the Doc simulates ghastly hip thrusts when groaning the word “uh!” as he names off kinky sexual acts like postillionage and croissant (too many urban dictionary definitions to count),

maybe you would have found the right urban dictionary definition if you’d looked up cuissade, which is what he actually said and was spelled clearly in the captions. (and neither of those things are particularly kinky unless you’re incredibly straight.)

Benedict Arnold Citation– Griffin Dunne, who played George Pike, IV aka “Fourth” in this episode. Dunne also played Dr. Alcon Parfit in Succession. Only traitors act in both Billions and Succession and I find it deplorable when one is defecting across enemy lines, but he wasn’t the first defector.

🙄🙄🙄

Damianista […] Greatest Entrance – Governor Nancy Dunlop The badass Montana governor shows up at The Owl with these words to the old, rich, white men that I am talking about above. “Hey boys! Are you cold? Some of you seem cold. I saw a few of you answering the call in the trees back there. They were definitely cold.”

yes, of course. what could be greater and more badass than walking up to a group of people and going “haha small penis.”

Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship – Wendy and Andy While their relationship did not start off on the right foot, it seems Wendy and Andy bond over Andy’s grief when it is not the Tiger Team but the Chinese officials who are able to reach Derek first! I think Andy deep down knows why the best rescue team in the world has not been able to do it and I suspect she may join the opposition against Prince presidency in the weeks to come!

what do you mean “deep down.” she knows why the team couldn’t get derek out and she said it out loud to prince’s face.

Lady Trader […] The “Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket” Award: Did Mike Prince really just pull all of his money, both personal and the funds, out of every international investment? What a very foolish and short-sighted thing to so. The losses his would take would be tremendous, not to mention how he would move the markets on certain investments, and would never be able to get “market prices.” What a moron.

[midsommar imdb parents guide “a man is constantly seen vaping” tumblr post voice] oh if that’s all

The “Vision I Never Want to See” Award: The thought of those old, wrinkly men playing naked Twister just brought up my breakfast! Gross!

disrespectful to old men who fuck each other. apologize now.

Fan Fun with Damian Lewis (Lady Trader): From the Trader’s Desk

lady trader also did not do a recap of this episode.

[pbaintthetb]

sentence I didn’t think I’d read

[okartichoke]

so i may have thought abt this a bit :p. something something i am cringe but i am free something something

mostly a Fey (Maya) spread but i got SO EXCITED when i discovered the takahē, so have bonus phoenix

for the feys: honorable mention to eclectus parrots, the belted kingfisher, and the genus phalaropus for being species with brighter females,, and especially to the cardinal for symbolizing a loved one’s spirit being close by in a lot of cultures.,, for now though, i just stuck with crows (and cuz the mia a drew a couple weeks ago could accidentally work as crow wings)

[actualbird]

AHH THAT LOOKS FUN !!

TRICK OR TREAT :D

- crow anon !!

[YOU APPROACH THE BLOG HOUSEHOLD, POLITELY KNOCKING ON THE BLOG DOOR]

[FROM INSIDE THE BLOG HOUSE (THE BLOUSE? NO, THATS NOT RIGHT EITHER, THAT'S ALREADY A GOSH DANG WORD...) YOU....DO NOT HEAR ANY FOOTSTEPS OF ANY KIND

IN SPITE OF THIS, YOU ARE SOMEHOW SURE SOMEBODY IS STILL COMING TO ANSWER THE DOOR. PERHAPS YOU COULD CALL THIS A SIXTH SENSE, OR PERHAPS YOU COULD ALSO CALL THIS AN AWARENESS OF THE NARRATIVE.

STILL, IT'S STRANGE. YOU HAD SEEN THAT THE ONE WHO CAME BEFORE YOU WAS ATTENDED TO BY THE SENIOR ATTORNEY PLUSH OF STELLIS CITY HIMSELF.

LAST YOU CHECKED, ARTEM PLUSH COULD NOT LEVITATE. SO WHO IS COMING TO THE DOOR?]

[THE DOOR OPENS, AND YOU INSTINCTIVELY LOOK DOWNWARDS, IN CASE IT IS SOMEHOW ARTEM PLUSH AGAIN]

[AND YOU SEE NOBODY AT ALL?]

[SOMEBODY, NOT YOU, CHIRPS OVERHEAD.]

SOMEBODY: Chirp!

INEXPLICABLE TRANSLATION: Up here, please!

[YOU LOOK UP TO SEE...]

[PEANUT??????]

PEANUT: Chirp chirp! Chhhhrhrhrp.

INEXPLICABLE TRANSLATION: I hope you don't mind that it's me. Our lookout saw the ask signed "crow anon" and there was fierce debate on who to send out! We eventually thought that it would be best for avian kind to meet another avian citizen, but it seems we took it a bit too literally.

[IT'S NO PROBLEM AT ALL, YOURE A VERY GOOD BIRD! BUT HOW THE HECK DID THREE CHIRPS TRANSLATE TO A FULL PARAGRAPH?]

PEANUT: Chirp.

INEXPLICABLE TRANSLATION: Language and translation is a thing of magic.

[HM. CANT ARGUE WITH THAT.]

[AS PEANUT SEES YOU ACCEPT THIS LUDICROUS INFORMATION IN STRIDE, HE FLIES BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND HOVERS BY THE DOOR, HOLDING ONTO THE BASKET OF CANDIES]

PEANUT: Chirppp!

INEXPLICABLE TRANSLATION: Go on, take a handful!

[THANK YOU! HOW ARE YOU CARRYING THAT SO WELL THOUGH?]

PEANUT: Chirp, chirp.

INEXPLICABLE TRANSLATION: I work out.

[YOU GRAB A HANDFUL OF CANDY AND PEANUT GIVES A FEW MORE CHIRPS OF THANKS AND WELL WISHES. AS PEANUT CLOSES THE DOOR, YOU LOOK TO SEE WHAT CANDY YOU GOT:

YOU GOT A BUNCH OF STRAWBERRY CREAM GUMMIES! NICEEEEEEE]

[READ THE FULL TRICK OR TREAT SAGA FROM THE BEGINNING?]

[your-fav-is-a-therian]

Simon Blackquill is a Crow Therian!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

A Norfolk Southern Corporation train carrying hazardous chemicals derailed after an axle malfunction in East Palestine, Ohio. The 50-car train, which had been on fire for miles before it ran aground, produced clouds of noxious fumes that led to the evacuation of nearly 5,000 people, some of whom were extras in the film adaptation of White Noise, and the deaths of domestic and wild animals in the area. Norfolk Southern, which has paid its executives millions, spent billions on stock buybacks, and declined a shareholder demand to “assess, review, and mitigate risks of hazardous material transportation,” agreed to pay the city of East Palestine $25,000. 

Aid and rescue workers could not immediately reach victims of the 7.8-magnitude earthquake and its aftershocks, some of which were nearly as big as the first quake, in Syria because of sanctions against the country, which were suspended by the U.S. government days after the disaster; more than 37,000 people across Turkey and Syria have died and tens of thousands have been injured by the quakes. Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan—who came to power over 20 years ago after a previous administration’s mishandling of an earthquake response, and has himself been criticized for slow rescue efforts as he faces an election in three months—announced that he would allocate more than $5.3 billion to relief. “It’s an issue that will take a coalition to solve,” said Microsoft, a computer manufacturer and software company worth $1.9 trillion, in response to a report outlining changes to small-scale cobalt mining in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, which is plagued by fatal cave-ins and child labor. Thirty-three members of Congress pushed for the U.S. Labor secretary to punish automotive companies whose Alabama factories have been employing children as young as 12, while lawmakers in Iowa and Minnesota have introduced legislation to allow minors as young as 14 to work in slaughterhouses, demolition, roofing, and other jobs that require the operation of heavy machinery. Missouri’s state house voted against prohibiting children from open-carrying firearms unless under adult supervision.

Attorneys for Richard “Alex” Murdaugh, the third consecutive member of his family to serve as South Carolina Lowcountry solicitor, who is accused of murdering his wife, Maggie, and youngest son, Paul (who was implicated in the death of Mallory Beach in a drunken boating accident) and of diverting millions of dollars in damages-settlement money intended for his clients and their families, including the sons of the family’s maid, who died in a trip-and-fall accident at one of the Murdaughs’ residences, to a bank account he controlled, moved for a mistrial over hearsay, but were denied. The majority-white, Republican Mississippi House approved a bill that will create a new district court in the majority-black, Democratic city of Jacksonville, whose judges will be appointed rather than elected, and the mayor of Fort Worth, Texas, said she supported the police chief’s proposed community oversight board, whose members he would select. “People are scared, upset, & are believing crazy things being said on the internet,” tweeted Marjorie Taylor Greene, who carried a white balloon around the Capitol the day of the State of the Union address, as she questioned the timing of three downed unidentified aircraft over North America: “[T]here is a lack of transparency from the Biden admin and simple explanations are owed to the people.” The White House denied the existence of aliens and a report that the United States had blown up the Nord Stream 2 pipeline. A farmer advocacy organization said that record-high egg prices are being caused by collusion among egg producers, who are exaggerating the effects of avian flu on their industry, and the McDonald’s corporation agreed to remove an advertisement for its McCrispy sandwich inside a bus shelter in Cornwall that is opposite a road sign for the area’s crematorium.

A decade-long study revealed that instant noodles were responsible for nearly a third of all hospital cases of scalded children. Scientists found that female orcas who support their sons into adulthood suffer. Eighty-one bales of cocaine, weighing three and a half tons in total, were discovered floating off the coast of New Zealand. Members of Oregon’s liquor and cannabis commission were found to have abused their power in order to get deeply discounted bottles of Pappy Van Winkle’s 23-year-old whiskey. A 24-year-old man who abducted monkeys from the Dallas Zoo to keep as pets told police he would do it again, and a Nashville man resisted arrest by thrusting his cat into an officer’s face. A robot escaped a Pennsylvania supermarket. King Charles III wore a holey sock to an appearance at a Brick Lane mosque. 

—Violet Lucca  :: [Harpers Magazine :: Weekly Review]