#autism ig??? i blame this all on autism
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Always thought that truly enjoying christmas would come with age
No I think it comes with maturity and pre-existing joy if that makes sense???
(This post is made by someone who isnt Christian and celebrates christmas without religion)
Like I used to hate on it bc it was popular, as all edgy teens do. But then I kinda realised I do like the whole “its a whole holiday about (usually non romantic) love and it used to be about nature” part
And then, as I got older, I look forward to seeing family more often and like spending time w/ them, I look forward to that more than gifts now I think! (I used to dread that part as a kid)
Idk I’m just happy to enjoy something the rest of my family enjoys finally, it always felt wrong on Christmas because everyone else understood smth I didn’t but now I know it was just their excitement over seeing family and getting/giving gifts (and food, love the food lol)
#oak stfu#autism ig??? i blame this all on autism#im happy to see family more tho. they are all really kind and awesome ppl and im mad at myself for not realising that sooner#i’m saying all of this stuff as a person under 16 so when i say ‘as a kid’ its literally from birth to last month-#age is werid dont make me think about it#im rambling#tw long post#long ass post#how do i tag this#🎀✨💅#christmas spirit#christmas#its the autism
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im actually going to tear into totk’s dragon’s tears/ memories rn bc i remember feeling distinctly unsatisfied with them when i got all of them so im just going to write some general bullet points about them, about what i dislike or maybe what i do actually like about them, leaving out both master sword scenes and the mummydorf one because i’m here to talk about the stuff in the past not that
- off the bat (i play this game in english btw so all of this is based on the english text and translation i am aware some stuff is slightly different in other languages) im not really a fan of how the descriptions of all of the tears is just a literal description of what happens?? i think my issue with it is that some of the text is a little bit too in depth, as in it just tells you literally everything about the scene. this might be nitpick-y but i personally dont like it
- what’s up with zelda saying ‘but that must mean...!’ at the end of the scene. is it suggesting that she’s made the realization that rauru and sonia are the first king and queen of hyrule? because they literally tell her that like ten seconds before. i guess it’s suggesting she’s realizing she’s in the past but... idk the texts says ‘she’s left startled by a suspicion that she’s heard those names before’ yeah theyre the first king and queen of hyrule?? they tell her that. they tell her their names and that they are the first leaders of hyrule is she just now connecting the dots that she’s in the past? that’s what the next cutscene implies. but all of the surrounding dialogue and the description don’t suggest that that’s what she’s realizing i feel like this was kind of muddled in the translation
- why did sonia elbow rauru he was just standing weird he didnt say anything this isnt a nitpick im just confused. is it because he’s not being very empathetic towards what zelda’s going through? she elbows him and then she goes and talks to zelda why even elbow rauru. ordinarily you elbow someone like that if you mean for them to go do something why elbow someone if you’re going to do the thing you want anyways
- why doesnt zelda offer to help with the purah pad or anything like that. what happened to her sheikah tech fascination from botw. not even as someone actually familiar with the technology who could give mineru some points as to how it works
- what are sonia and zelda doing behind rauru when he shoots that insane fucking beam at the mulduga swarm they’re clearly doing something with their stones but like... are they amplifying rauru’s power somehow?? what do time powers have to do with the beam of light i dont- what were they doing please the text description only mentions him using his powers so are sonia and zelda just... supporting his powers? idk man
- dragon tear #5 is a whole can of worms with its worse-than-oot reenactment of that one scene from oot. why the focus on sonia and her tear btw. i mean yeah she dies to motivate rauru and zelda but like. why not aim for the new girl who probably doesn’t know how to use it as much and is probably more likely to be separate from the king who can shot insane lasers. im really not a fan of this scene for how strongly the game sides with rauru and zelda being passive and judgemental but ganondorf is literally the best part of it there’s a lot of character in just how he picks up his sword and stands up to leave
- putting memories 6 and 7 together just because of how there was just. no fucking care put into the idea of zelda learning to use her time powers. memory 6 zelda talks about wanting to use her time powers and sonia gives her tips on how she could use it and visualize the use of it and then in memory 7 she can just use it perfectly with great control and timing. why even bother talking about her nothing yet understanding how to use it when the very next scene she just uses it like it’s nothing. how much time has passed we get nothing to show us zelda trying to practice this power just. nope. she’s good she can use it perfectly. also more awkward dialogue sonia saying ‘what a picture zelda paints of him’ as she is. looking directly at zelda. change the line to like, ‘what a picture you paint of him’ she is literally looking right at zelda so why would she say it like that
- generally i feel like memory six should have been before 4 and 5 (4 being where she uses some power to... support??? rauru and it being before memory 5 so that there isnt this weird break in between the memories concerning ganondorf.) memory 6 does not have anything to do with memory 4 or 5 so just put it earlier so there isnt a weird shift in focus between the two big ganondorf scenes
- good god they introduce the idea of sonia and zelda being aware of ganondorf using a fake zelda but theres literally nothing about it having been a problem or them having experience or like. anything. they just TELL you that they know and suggest that it’s been like. a thing for a bit??? also obligatory ganondorf’s face model rigging is fucked comment he’s still the best part
- the pacing of these memories is just weird in general, memories 7 and 8 being separate but the same scene is strange when other memories are long as fuck but cover one event each, plus theres clearly barely any passage of time between memories 7 and 8 it almost feels like they were split up to fill space or just because otherwise it’d be... too long? man idk
- ‘queen sonia needs you!’ girl she is DEAD good fucking luck doing anything to help her
- ganondorf’s horse and its armor both look sick as fuck i really wish you got to see more of it outside the memory it appears in
- everything about the original sages honestly sucks. they aren’t characters they’re just walking macguffins. they have no names and are not relevant or mentioned or make any appearance until they are needed by the story. why does the zora sage talk about getting word about the attacked gerudo village in this scene when like. they’ve all met up and have clearly. been together for a bit. when she gives them the news it’s clearly the first they’ve heard of it... but... why would she wait until this moments to give this info unless for the benefit of the player watching the scene. why does the ZORA sage have this news and not... the gerudo sage?? what’s with the masks. they’re all made of zonaite or whatever sure theyre gifts from rauru but like. i hate that it kind of denotes them being subservient and lower than him and the zonai. honestly i really hate this scene in general mostly because of the uncomfortable showing of how rauru absolutely holds power over them and despite them being leaders as well they are expected to be wholly blindly loyal to him. rauru only gives them these stones when he needs their aid and they swear loyalty too him soon after but you also see that sonia and mineru have stones, too, so they’re clearly withholding these things despite it being kind of reasonable for him to give each race their own secret stone as further proof of their pact? there is so much shit to be said about the imperialistic themes or whatever in this fucking story and i really hate it
- i do kinda like how the next scene shows you that the one rock in the corner of that first hidden room in the forgotten temple is sonia’s grave
- zelda’s phrasing and description of how she and link found ganondorf is weird to me ‘he’s still alive’ ‘he lives on’ girl that was a mummy. he was not moving until you got there. he’s undead at best as far as you know. this is def a nitpick but eh. also the reliance on link is a... bit odd when zelda does not actually know that link is safe until she gets the master sword. its fine but still. also her shell-shocked expression after rauru talks about her being in the past for a reason is a bit... it doesn’t fit her emotion it’s kind of similar to the expression she had when sonia was killed
- the memory about the imprisoning war starts with practically the whole story up until now being repeated back to you by mineru with a decent amount of bias on mineru’s part and while it’s fine because of some of the extra stuff you learn but it does a lot more telling rather than showing when it comes to the actual imprisoning war and... idk the whole thing about their ‘fight’ kind of falls flat when you don’t actually see any fighting you just see that the sages have gotten their asses beat. i think it would have been a little interesting if in the god-awful repetitive sage-awakening scenes they had actually showed you the og sages fighting ganondorf instead of just. slow-mo freeze-frames for whatever. once again ganondorf if the best part of the scene
- the rest of the memories are fine idc
i get the feeling that the japanese-to-english translation was either all-around rough or somehow rushed, because some of the phrases in the game as well as some of the dialogue is really awkward and... could have been better. i don’t know how it works but it feels like a lot of it was very literal, direct translation and no one at noa thought that it ought to be tweaked just a little bit
these memories also do a fuck-ton of telling rather than showing and it really is like they don’t really trust you to connect the dots, and some of it does come off like they either didn’t want to make more memories or ran out of time or something. i felt like the memory of ganondorf just summoning his monsters and riding on his cool horse could have been a bit longer to actually show us the forces of hyrule fighting him and having a hard time with it
a lot of the character animations doesn’t have a whole lot of personality to them, ganondorf is the character who had the most distinct and interesting movements. rauru and sonia had their... singular movement (rauru putting a hand to his chin and sonia taking zelda’s hands) and zelda was kind of just... standing around and reacting to stuff, and neither mineru nor any of the other sages had any really interesting animations asides from mineru’s coughing fit in memory 16 (plus her reclining chair that was a nice touch). very few of their movements really express anything about the characters besides some really baseline values or traits.
the ordering of some memories is kind of odd, the excessive flashbacks in memory 17 are a bit much, the telling rather than showing, the sometimes awkward dialogue, a lot of the scenes are characters just... talking at each other, you don’t actually see very much of hyrule in the past or any characters beyond the main four, and it really did nothing to actually get me to care about these characters at all.
tldr i dont like totk’s dragon tears
#i didnt want to revisit this game but the memories in totk bother me. once im done with this tho i can go read my new volumes of berserk#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#totk#literally the narrative of this game dragged the rest of the game through mud for me so im going to complain abt it more#any time i wanted to rewatch a part of a scene i have to sit through a few minutes of bullshit just to get to the point.#these things are so long and barely anything happens in them#half of these cutscenes are just characters standing around and talking theres so little actual character to most of the character movements#ganondorf has the most emotive and distinct movements in all of these scenes#they have the most personality and you get the most variety. with rauru and sonia its just. shes gentle n motherly hes uhhhh arrogant king#honest to god. i miss linebeck. i miss the way he was animated and the sheer amount of personality they gave him in every cutscene#fuck man i miss botw's memories. despite them being shorter (i'm pretty sure) i feel like there was more essence to them. more character#listen. i understand that gamedev is hard and so is writing and animating but like. this game is seventy fucking dollars.#despite him being so disappointingly one-note. ganondorf was the most interesting fucking character in these memories#finding the dragon's tears was fun but actually watching them was lame af#hey remember those posts i made about ph's cutscenes? maybe its the autism but i feel like i couldnt write those paragraphs abt totk#ig just. ph is my special interest and i have a negative bias against totk. if you think im dead wrong about this stuff go ahead.#i dont blame anyone for taking my words with a grain of salt. come to your own conclusions. if oyu like totk's memories cool!#anyways im done bye im gonna read berserk. which actually has a nuanced story and world and characters and a multi-faceted villain#totk spoilers#bitching abt totk
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15 Day BL Challenge - DAY 4
May the 4th be you? skdjskdjk
Fave Ship Dynamic
Hm... So far I think this is the hardest one to answer for me. I don't typically watch something for a specific dynamic, I watch things based on whether or not I think they're well done.
HOWEVER, if you're really pointing a gun to my head and forcing me to pick... Then I guess I'll have to go with:
Unhinged4Unhinged
These men are ABNORMAL, they are positively INSANE. No one else in the world could survive being with them if not for their own selves. But that's okay. As we say in Portuguese: só se estraga uma casa (only one home is ruined). Because they fit together, they make sense together. Can they fix each other? Probably not. Do they make each other worse? Likely. But hey, no one ever said love was about being sane, right? sdkjskdjkdjk
Here for you I present some examples:
VegasPete (Kinnporsche)
They shall forever reign supreme in this category. No one gets them like they get each other. They are absolutely beyond comprehension to anyone who doesn't have the exact same trauma and brand of autism they do. They would scare the shit out of most people, myself included. Whether they'll save each other or destroy each other will remain for us to consider forever.
Plus you don't get to enjoy having your balls fried by a guy who eats unwashed ass and not show up here. Like, no. I had to. It's a moral obligation.
ChenAi (Kiseki: Dear to Me)
In my defence, I said Kiseki would continue to show up. You can't really blame me. Plus, like... Dying for each other, killing for each other... Nearly killing each other as well. Plus all those damn kinks... I don't think I gotta explain further.
WenZhou (Word of Honor)
You can dare to tell me Word of Honor is not technically a BL but if my classmate trying to stab my eye with a pencil in 3rd grade didn't make me blind, it's not China's censorship that's gonna make me. I saw gay so I said gay. That ain't bullying, that's an astute observation!
I don't think anyone who's watched these absolute freaks commit war crimes for each other (and just bc) needs me to explain why they're insane.
I'm sure there are more great examples but I think you understand what I mean. Ig, in the end, Tinashe is right: somebody just gotta match your freak sdksjdksjdks
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Honestly i wanna hear opinions on season 4, cus im gonna confess i could NOT finish it (didnt move on to season 5 either lol). Got to like ep 135 & i just couldnt tell any of the episodes apart it felt like such a drag; just a slog of misery with some offhand Important 5 Minutes once in a blue moon. I hate repetition & i got the sparknotes from fandom/wiki stuff so yeahhh i just stopped listening; i still love TMA & it’s story & characters, it’s just the execution that got to me RIP
Everything felt kinda forced to me ig? Like there was some shoe-horned “humans are more monstrous than the actual monster” that snuffed S1 Jon’s fun cockiness/jackassery just to make him ? The best one in the archive ??? & all of his wrongdoings are either off-screen or justified by him being tricked into becoming a literal monster against his will (who would STARVE w/o his ‘evil-doings’, which didnt even kill ppl). Also felt like everyone got needlessly dumbed down except for Martin (the Love Interest ofc, who got 180’d from his pre-established incompetency to be some mastermind in a playing field he should have REALLY been inept in) just so they’d be blind to Jon’s situation & be mean to him LMAO
They started trying to make Jon accountable for “choosing this” & i couldnt handle it, held no fucking water to me—the guy being explicitly puppetted & manipulated as the entire plot? That guy is expected to take responsibility here? Felt like some after-thought theme they threw on top of it all. Anyways uhh feel free comment either on what i said and/or your personal thoughts on the season, or nothing if ya got nothing lol
🗣️
Ehh disagree. S4 isnt my fav but I dont think its bad. S1 Jon to s4 jon feels like natural character progression to me. He starts as acting all high and mighty to try hide the fact he has no idea what hes doing and is terrified, and then experiences a lot of ppl dying that he feels is due to him and is his responsibility. At that point his thought pattern is 'I keep messing up and making mistakes and getting myself and everyone around me hurt, so other ppl surely know better'. Hes got a lot of black and white thinking around him, which has been consistent throughout his entire characterization
I dont think any characters were dumbed down either
Melanie was always angry, she only go worse bc she had smth making her think everything she did was justified and when that stopped she became avoidant and stopped lashing out. She was still angry, just managing it better
Basira has always been Daisys no1, the person to justify all of Daisys actions. She knows what daisy did and why its bad but she holds onto the idea that daisy is right in doing so. She blames jon for what he does bc logically she knows its wrong, hurting ppl who havent done anything is wrong, but still excuses daisy bc she needs to. Bc that was a fact of her life and it cannot be wrong. In the unknowning she focuses on facts to keep her grounded and to her 'Daisy is a good person' 'Hurting ppl is wrong' and 'If you hurt ppl you are a bad person' are all facts she needs in her life to stay grounded. How she justifies Daisys actions is by saying that the ppl who daisy hurt were worse and it ultimately helps more ppl to have them gone. Not only can she not do that with Jon, as she believes those he hurts are entirely innocent, she also doesnt care to. Shes not close with Jon and she doesnt have 'Jon is a good person' as a fact in her mind, so she doesnt need to work to excuse his actions. Its all or nothing with her, if you hurt and continue hurting ppl, no matter your reason, you need to stop and the only way you will stop is if you are gone. She also has a lot of black and white thinking, gotta love the autism podcast
Martin being a mastermind in s4 also makes sense bc him being stupid is an act. If ppl think your stupid theyll underestimate you and ultimately leave you alone. They wont scrutinize you, they wont attack every part of you, they will brush it off as just a typical normal thing. It will get you ignored and you cannot be hurt if nobody knows who you are or how to hurt you. Its a lonely miserable existence but its one martins used to. Martin rarely drops the mask of 'Sweet but stupid' bc he needs that to survive and tbh he probably learnt that from needing to survive his mom LOL. Martin just knows and picks the best method of getting ppl to like him, which for him is doing exactly what they want and keeping their expectations low so they wont hurt him as much when they mess up. Honestly in s5 I see him as hes finally got to a place where he doesnt care if everyone hates him, bc he has someone who does and thats all he needs. Hes survived the worst of it and he doesnt care anymore
Part of the reason everyone blames Jon is bc he is there and he is the one who is currently causing the most problems. Also they dont actually see the extent that Jon is manipulated. Elias talks and interacts with Jon differently to how he interacts with others. All of them met Jon when he was already at the institute, they meet him when it does actually look like he made his choice, entirely of his own free will. It doesnt help that daisy is there, someone who completed their transformation like Jon did and turned back on it, and she looks like shes managing well enough. She is surviving without feeding so why cant Jon do the same? Also basira does trust elias on some level. She trusts he knows more than she does and can be an asset if used correctly, which definitely doesnt help things. Also the idea of Elias is locked up, he cant affect Jon anymore so why is Jon still acting this way. Elias has very effectively vilified and isolated jon and jon doesnt fight back against it bc he believes it as well. Other ppl are normally right so why wouldnt everyone be right abt him?
Oh my god that was an essay and I absolutely missed sooo much stuff but idk take that - rosette
i literally have nothing to add . rosette sincerely you are insane and i love that . i honestly don't have a lot of s4 opinions that i could really put down , but i also disagree anon . s4 may not have been the best , but it certainly wasn't Bad or not enjoyable to listen to . coming from someone who has listened to the podcast twice now [ and who is planning on a third relisten ] , i really do enjoy s4 as a whole . martin's buildup and his manipulation of peter lukas is honestly one of my favourite parts , because it has been said that martin was originally going to be apart of the mother of puppets ! this shows that part of martin we didn't get to see but has been there . i got distracted and don't remember what else i was gonna type um . whoops - deceit
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Gig report: Käärijä at Böle Arena and Club 05.04.24
It has now been five days since my first Käärijä gig in Finland and my first stadium gig with him as well. In short it was an amazing experience and one of those concerts I probably will keep with me forever. However, there were both great and less great parts of the whole thing.
TLDR; I loved the shows especially because we were able to see Jere live out his Rammstein fanboy dreams and that we got Paidaton Riehuja during the spontaneous DJ booth set which made me cry. However, I was more than once annoyed about security and their lack of communication to the fans.
Disclaimer: this report is written from my point of view. Keep in mind that this is just the opinion of one kääryle and some of these experiences are very much subjective to my unique situation.
My trip to Helsinki was far from ideal. The flight I was meant to take on Friday May 3 2024 was cancelled and so I have to wander around in Copenhagen Airport for eight hours before flying to Stockholm then Helsinki and landing around dinner time instead of the originally plan 9.20 in the morning. For this reason I had to cancel the tattoo appointment I just made and mentally cancel my plans to explore the inner city of Helsinki. Luckily I wasn’t alone since another fan had been scheduled to take the same flight so we hung out together. Our luck didn’t improve however so we caught the Joker Out travelling curse in Helsinki when our bags were missing for half an hour to an hour. Because of this we were only arriving to Pasila station around 8-9 o’clock in the evening.
I blame me having been up very early (2 am), the annoyance of all we’ve gone through and my autism making me like clear cut rules that people actually following for my feelings about the next part. The thing is that we were a group of four going to Böle just to see the venue after eating some Korean/Japanese food to be met by a big group of campers outside the venue. This confused me since the venue had informed on more than one occasion that queuing before 8 am Saturday was prohibited. From what I gather from Elmi (ehaapasalo on ig) that talked to some of the campers the security personnel had given into the campers to be allowed to camp at the venue although NOT at the main entrance. Yet they (the venue) had not make an official statement about this making it so half or more of the fans would not have known about this chance of plans. I was way too tired and it was way too late for me mentally to change my plans so I went to my hotel where I slept horribly given I worried about the queue the entire night.
Next morning I woke up as I’d planned at 5.30 (would’ve been more than enough time had the queue started at 8 am) to be informed through IG group message that there were already 60+ numbers given in the unofficial queue. Already slightly sleep deprived I went to the queue a little past 7 am with a big, lurking cloud (figuratively) over my head. I got number 99.
At 8 am the second big change of plans where announced: Instead of starting giving out official numbers at 11 the security would now ask people to line up so the numbers could be given at 8 am. This change didn’t bother me as much as the previous one but it was still not a great feeling I was left with since this was not clearly communicated before now. We got our numbers (mine was 95) and pretty much 85-90% if not more went home to sleep and/or eat. That meant me that had looked forward to hang out and meet people in the queue felt I was getting even more punished for following the rules.
Because of this and my foolish hope of getting Käärijä to notice my sign asking for a tattoo, when a fan told me there were still tickets to the day show I ended up buying one for myself. (and so I ended up with yet another number being 38). More people slowly starting to arrive after that, and with the company the anxiety and sour taste in my mouth subsided slightly.
The dayshow would start at 3 pm, so we had been asked to be back at 1. The line however only started to form because we (the fans) got impatient at 1.30. Other than that the personnel did alright when double checking our numbers and I’d say getting inside seemed to go smooth and easy so cookie points for that at least.
The day event would be the first (and so far only) time I’ve gotten barricade (however I wouldn’t have it for long since I allowed two squeaks fourth of my height to stand in front of me – it was an all-ages show after all). I was standing next to @duekko a bit to the right of the stage yet still somewhat close to the middle and we had a lovely time waiting (and enjoying the concert) together I’d say.
The show itself was amazing- I loved seeing Jere fulfill all his Rammstein fanboy dreams with amazing outfits, outfit changes, pyro, smoke and silly gags. I especially enjoyed hearing People’s Champion (laughed my ass off seeing häärijä in the mushroom hat) live for the first time and the Tequila interlude and having the dancers around for Huhhahhei, Kot Kot (although in chicken costumes) and of course Cha Cha Cha was a treat.
The one thing that might have slightly made the experience less enjoyable for me was definitely my own fault. The barricade seemed miles away from the stage (to make space for pyro) and it was so dark that you could not see anything from the stage (I believe). That meant that no matter how much I tried it was definitely not going to work out with having Jere notice my sign. I did try both here and at the evening event yet I felt much more in the way and self conscious about it than I had hoped. So that slightly coloured my experience since I personally like to be as little aware of myself when I’m at a concert as possible. It also seemed that Jere were a bit nervous (understandably so) inbetween songs having to keep to a schedule yet as soon as the songs started he was back in performance mode and seemed to have a great time so that was lovely to see.
After the day show I got about an hour of queuing with people again which was lovely yet far from enough to speak to everybody I wanted to. A third little annoyance with the security arrived when we were lining up for the evening and then got the message to go inside 15 min before but just stay inside awkwardly in our queue until the doors opened for real. That truly was a strange experience and I have no idea what the security was thinking. Of course somebody in front started running as soon as we was allowed to move so to not getting stampeded everybody had to move. This whole chaos ended with me getting a way better spot than I’d imagined (third row a bit to the right yet still closer to the middle than in the day show). In some ways I think this spot was better than the day show at least in terms of the angle I was looking at the stage from.
The support band from the evening show was decent yet I am not sure they’d be added to my spotify playlist anytime soon. The evening show felt a lot like the day show just turned up to eleven with Erika joining for Rouska (as expected yet still very much appreciated) and songs like Rock Rock (the original version) and Menestynyt Yksilö being added to the setlist. Before Urheilujätkä (that was also being played at the day show) we held a little memorial for Hanna which made me teary eyed. We also got Cha Cha Cha twice this time which gave me big flash backs to the Europe tour which is only a good thing. (but yeah again my sign quest was a dud).
After the concert I was able to meet Aarni which was really cool (I went into big golden retriever puppy mode so by the off chance you are reading this Aarni, I am sorry for being so in your face x’D). I got a picture with him and gave him three stickers so he could give some to Jere and Häärijä (later in the evening I met him again and he confirmed that the boy had indeed gotten the stickers). My sidequest did cost me a setlist however but that is okay because Anniina (@formulalakana) got it instead which I am more than happy about (you may have seen it going around since it is the one with the Bojan picture at the bottom).
Joining the afterparty the first I did was finally buying that green hoodie I’d wanted since the Stockholm gig and then I went to buy water since I hadn’t really drunk anything since that morning. Sonny was the DJ of the evening and he played Käärijä songs – new, old, known and unknown – all evening. It was great hearing studio versions of People’s Champion and Ihan Sama yet also just hearing Morgan and Kovis being played on speakers at a club healed my soul.
I ended up joining the dancers just at the right time because 3-4 songs later Käärijä and crew joined the DJ booth to play a very spontaneous extra set for us. This was by far my favourite part of the evening because unlike the stadium shows the vibe was way more personal and intimate and heat of the moment. We bullied Jere into performing Kovis, we got the demo version of Cha Cha Cha, we got Ihan Sama and Punainen Marli. Heck, we even got to hear the new collab between him and Joost called Traffik! Everything seemed to go too well when suddenly a person behind me fainted and we immediately called for the show to stop. While it took a bit for the people on stage and security around to notice we were able to help the person (I really hope they are okay). I will give a few cookies to the security there as well – they seemed to react pretty quickly and professionally in this situation (they’d also actually been taking us seriously during the concert when asking for water unlike at Joker Out at Kulttuuritalo day 2 where we had to almost have people fainting before we were allowed water).
The DJ set ended in the most magical way because Jere decided to end with Paidaton Riehuja. Now I am a transmasculine person who like many transmasc kääryleet probably have a very strong connection to this song. Because of that I had been daydreaming about one day being lucky enough to be at a käärijä show where this song would play (preferably after my top surgery) so I could confidently and comfortably throw my shirt off and join Jere being shirtless and just feel the relief of not caring about my looks together with the wind on my chest. I had never imagined this would actually happen and definitely not here at Böle not even half a year into my hrt journey and pre op. Because of the rarity of the moment however I without thinking struggled my way through four layers of shirts to by the half way point of the song stand in only my sports bra howling with the little bit of the voice I had left. When the song was finished it hit me what I’d just done (for context: this is the first and only time I’ve willfully stripped down shirtless in public after coming out and the first time as long as I can remember I’ve been this unclothed and felt completely safe about it). I cried. And that is a first. I have never cried at a concert like that- always after the fact. So this is the one moment that make it so I think I will remember Böle forever. (I also cried at least two more times after exiting the dancefloor). Before exiting the danceflor however somebody next to me found a flower pin that they thought was mine (it wasn't) that I ended up taking with me home - so if anybody lost a flower that day (you can see it in the picture below) and what it back feel free to let me know :'D xD.
I stayed till the end of the evening chatting with new and old friends and dancing with strangers. I at one point saw Jesse yet was not fast enough to get over to meet him. I didn’t managed to meet everybody else yet heard about others having amazing moments with the guys which made me very happy for them (even if I myself also felt a bit sad that it hadn’t been me but you cannot get everything).
In the end I’d say Käärijä was a good first gig for the venue yet there are things they can definitely approve such as their ability to communicate and stick to what they have put out there as the official rules to make it the fairest for everybody involved.
As always I thank all of you for the amazing stickers, bracelets and other gifts I got this evening!!! (I got 23 bracelets which has definitely broken the last record which was held by Joker Out in Helsinki day 2). It was amazing meeting you all, taking pictures with you, getting excited with you, dancing and laughing with you and just overall sharing this amazing time together.
For the ones that are curious I did manage to get my tattoo appointment rescheduled for Sunday (that will probably be its own post) and because of that I also had time to add in a spontaneous tattoo to celebrate the milestone that is me being comfortable enough to take off my shirt first time in public. The rest of the trip in Helsinki was spend going on a Käärijä related solo tourist tour that you may-may not have seen me post about already.
Thank you for reading this gig report and I hope to see some of you again in July.
#käärij�� böle#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#häärijä#sonny#jesse voss#aarni mikkola#käärijä crew#this is not everything since I tried to kep short but not sure I succeeded x'D#I hope you enjoy reading this wall of text x'D#my gig#mine#micahs thoughts
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What’s Usagi’s relationship like with each of his siblings? Are they close? Do they know about him and Leo, and how Leo treats him?
If so, how do they feel about it, and do they/have they try/tried to stop it or do something about it?
Chizu: they were never really like. CLOSE close, but they get along the best overall. Both Chizu and Usagi repress and don't often talk about stuff that's bothering them, but that kinda means they'll never really pass that final barrier to BE close. Plus, Chizu blamed herself for Usagi leaving, so there's that thin sprinkle of fear/sadness that hangs. Very awkward, the two of them. Chizu knows about him and Leo (Leo told her about it probably before he even ever said 'hello' to her, lol) but she doesn't have much idea of what goes on. She thinks that Leo is a bit pushy, and feels a tad awkward when he constantly begs her for Usagi stories. If Chizu knew, she'd wage hell and earth against Leo.
I have a doodle for this exact situation >:)
Ishida: Ishida always tried to be a good brother and very vehemently defended Usagi if Tomoe was giving him crap or something. Usagi often treated Ishida as a bit 'fragile' which would annoy Ishida, but they get along very well and love eachother. Ishida tries to always be supportive, and he trusts Usagi. Which. Causes issues. Ishida kinda feels uncomfortable with the relationship, but he trusts Usagi when Usagi tells him that it's fine or something along those lines. So he doesn't get involved. He's kinda like 'well ig some people are like that? Plus we haven't seen Usagi in years, he just changed a lot. That's all. I trust him to tell me the truth'. If Ishida knew, He'd wage war. He wouldn't stop defending Usagi until he was 20 ft under.
Kenichi: they were close when they were kids! Now, Kenichi and him are still close but like. Kenichi really wants it to be like 'old times' and that. That's just not happening. He feels very responsible for Usagi, like he has to defend and protect him (white knight syndrome anyone?). Kenichi is often the one making plans for all the brothers to hang out ('no turtle' days, if you will) and Usagi... when they work out, he likes them. Kenichi HATES Leo and is very very sure that he's doing harm to Usagi, but he can't PROVE it and also Leo would snap him like a twig. Kenichi is working on trying to help Usagi in any way he can, though! Varying levels of success.
Some baby bunnies before all the sad stuff :]
Riko- She was the one who saw him when he ran away. She was always very vehement that he wasn't dead. They didn't talk much, she was more often around Mari but they got along OK :] she likes Leo well enough, she gets along with Mikey better.
Mari- she was very emotionally wise even at a young age, so she caught onto Usagi struggling very often. They enjoyed eachothers company and Mari missed him a lot. Mari doesn't like Leo a huge amount, but she's shy in general. Her and Donnie get along very well tho :] autism buds ��
Jotaro: Usagi tries to be present now but its awkward and Usagi just. Has a lot of baggage and it's hard for him to bond. Jotaro loves Usagi, he finds him fun and nice and very patient. Jotaro also LOVESSSSS Leo, Leo is so fun and always plays games with him and he gets to call Leo dad (tho Usagi doesn't like it :((((() and Jotaro loves it!!! He's sad he can't stay with Leo all the time!
Usagi's family loves him, and he loves them. Just... a lot of baggage. And Leo made sure to dig his fingers into every single soft spot until you would be able to see his fingerprints indented in it, if you get what I mean.
#addams! tmnt au#rottmnt au#addams! usagi#rottmnt#addams! miyamotos#addams! ishida#addams! kenichi#addams! jotaro#addams! chizu#addams! leosagi#rise of the tmnt oc#rise of the tmnt au#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles au
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Mental Illness Moment.png implored me to distract myself and thus this blog happened lmfao. LOOK if I drop this gig in a few weeks don't blame me 😭
Intro Post ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و
You can call me Ravi!!!
like the e/pic 7 character only because i steal all my names from that game
Bodily 17, POC + a system, and unapologetically proship
I don't do queer/syscourse !!
Actually dxed with ADHD, self dx autism/bp2/and Maybe bpd depending on how bad things continue playing out (bro i hate my life)
My goal for this blog? Reblog a lot of stuff, cry about antis, cry about mental illness.png, and maybe make friends???? Before I inevitably disappear again ofc
I'll mostly reblog stuff + post about personal hardships and proship stuff so if that bothers you I advise you not to follow!!
(Also hoping to rope proshippers into Idolish7 because this series needs to be infested with proshippers more. We have incest + minor/adult + toxic yaoi + power imbalance struggles you guys 🥺)
Stances + BYF
Proship/Comship/Selfship/Profic/Fujin/Whatever Dude IDK-friendly
Pro-systems of any origins; endos and non-traumagenic systems friendly (speaking as a traumagenic sys)
Pro non-contact para, pro-recovery, pro-self dx, pro-otherkin/furry/therian, pro-be a gentle and kind person to everyone (even antis) (like,, I try my best)
Pro-l0lish0!!!!!! <- from a l0licon (/r) and sh0tacon (/r + /sx)
Mostly neutral regarding radinclus but I do like twisting genders and sexualities into funny shapes. Plus I respect your choices to be whatever as long as you don't make others hurt. So.
Anti radqueer/sysmeds/terfs & transmeds/zionists
Anti rcta/transids.
RPF proship is rlly iffy... either keep it strictly to yourself and out of sight of creators or do it publicly only when people involved consent (I'm mostly using m/c/y/t as a framework here)
Strictly NO RPF shit involving child actors and children. In fiction is fine.
(I'm not very vocal about the stuff I'm against but just know that I personally dislike it lol)
BYF: I experience severe age lag and also adults terrify me due to personal trauma but feel free to follow and interact!! :') I'd prefer people around or below my bodily age to befriend me though sorry. Also I don't rlly have a DNI but take heed of the list above ig?
Umm extras? I like H/onkai S/tar R/ail and G/enshin lore I guess. And hmu if you like TennRiku/RikuTenn & TouTora plsplspls 🥺
Tags
ravi rambles a lot -> random talking
ravi rambles a lot (ill) -> mental illness vents
ravi's little things -> daily life
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Wanna make it clear now this isn't attacking dallennye, I HAVE to address it because he used my legal name as a 12 year old (Its on his channel public so blame him if you want this down) and I want my side out just so people know
I'm only posting this here because I had deleted my other accounts and do not want drama with them
*Yes dallennye I noticed your "friends" accounts a month old threatening me to harm myself and how no one cares and to stay quiet. Your not intimidating me to stay quiet anymore, he did this same shit to me in 2023, when I was 12-13
Anyway
Started while, I was late 12/ early 13. I had friended him over a video on funtime foxy being male because I've never had a lot in common with my friends I think It came to a video on the charters told him what I thought he is older said by himself he was 14-15 then is 16 now and yeah I said funtime freddy is female dumb sure but again a kid and can think how I want, 100℅ he should have known better attacking me on how I was dumb I made channels defending myself he had people attack my mains constantly, and I decided to stop replying after my fee videos, in these I just went over what he did. Tbh all he did was call me names and claim I'm lying even though it seems weird what is this kid even replying to then..? Yeah I think people should have questioned him more. But during that time he took a lot of my friends he did photoshop stuff of me to start drama because I blocked him another thing to mention I told him it was harassment as he forced me to talk to him on all my other socials (that is the definition of harassment to force contact) he claims I am harassing him after yet also states I blocked him therefore neither makes sense you cannot be harassed and blocked. I wanna admit to my faults too but I won't make him look innocent in anyway.
I had made fake accounts but not for bad, his were to mock me and attack me, mine I faked having a friend who stood up for me It's weird but a lot of my friends didn't wanna be in drama and I felt sorta alone. Let's call them "Lily", same user Dallennye, Imma call DN, DN pretty much had attacked the account and made a video "exposing" my vents to keep me quiet, I dunno what to say although it was wrong I made a fake friend its worse he did this because it didn't harm him in anyway and again his age (He did use autism in the past to justify this but made a video mocking autistic people when I questioned it on Deviantart, I won't say I was nicely saying it but having a older kid insult you 24/7 and claim your doing bad shit when your ignoring them sucks). I'm just telling a few stories BTW, and yeah he was attacking me and one day I came inside (I slept in a car during that time) and had told my mom this was around 2023, my mom had talked to him and well he made sexists comments on women not being able to stand up for themselves ect he kept calling my mom and sister "he/him" pronouns, It did stop after he did it one day when I was at school mom got on a discord call with him and ig he saw it wasn't a dude at all nor a friend, I still thank mom for that his video crying but he told me never to tell a parent and basically I think thats creepy as fuck...I do think he might not have a mom as his hatred for the idea od mehaving one I am not to upset just feel pity for him. Around the time after that since I didn't reply for most of it, I was reporting and doing a RP with someone in reports for therapic not to expose or target DN, unlike what he said I didn't watch his videos all his old ones all he did was name-call me. I do not even have the same device he has and I do not get reports then so how it is justified I sent death threats that is true he kept "exposing" me for things he knew i didn't do taking my friends ect and yeah school bullying cuz I came out about my then GF, but still I do say its wrong I do not support that AT ALL it doesn't change I didn't even know he could have saw it, some people would just describe the videos slightly to me again I didn't even wanna hear it for the most part. I don't have a great memory but for that the cats that I will not apologize to him especially not because he still plays victim and refuses to apologize or even admit bad shit he did, and he did a lot, I do not feel bad for him but it was not right, I did see he attacked his own two friends in series because I wasn't around to mock I guess? Well I made fake accounts with a good name I'd say trying to make him see it as bad he didn't care and tried to normalize using younger kids for views and targeting, it didn't matter he blocked made a new one and he just got annoyed so I left.
That was mostly all I did but I tried to come out he had his "friends" although they claim to have known nothing about it, attacked me and even recently for coming out I was told to harm myself by two people, told no one cares ect. That definitely is t a consequence and the reality is no friend would do that for someone I knew him personally he isn't very nice stays away and constantly wants things to make his own success or he did when I was 12-13 his younger friend (which is gross to use kids for fame and actually illegal read the guidelines) After coming out all hell basically people pretending to be me, and claiming I attacked them on sites he publicly has accounts on like Roblox wich I didn't even have at the time so it couldn't have been me these accounts having the same pattern as his old accounts and after I explain to them what I think it is they weirdly disappear lol, after I called it out on the same site people claiming to know me randomly in toxic settings, non being true believe it or not I block people after leaving my point. DN knew that again that's why he was mad I blocked him but it proves that isn't even normal behavior for me. Its VERY suspicious but I don't eanna point figures yet, I won't use this page after this as DN is having people stalk me and treat me horribly for saying anything this was true years ago and he is actually the main cause of my self harm relapse as he had encouraged people to believe I was toxic when he used my bad mental state against me, having others around his age again he is old enough to know better, there is no what he did is ok, not saying what I did was either but I just turned dam 14 not even long ago, I was stuck in a s3xua//y abu5ive relationship as well with a girl, it isn't helpful at all. I will not stay quiet.
"Why am I admitting my bad's to?" Mostly because I should. Karma isn't real never believe it never will because look at it nothing happens. I do not care I simply refuse to live a lie just because he wants to and mostly for my religion as a atheist satanist.
And for proof, his whole channel is the dam proof just look at the holes in his story if you really cared... None of what he says actually makes sense if you compare it to my actions as well, another thing to note if that DN also mocks me publicly not something victims do he give me f*@$-king PTSD and the name and old profile still bothers me inside, he doesn't experience even a fraction of what he did to me. He isn't a victim...
Also apologize for the spamming posts (Not for DN ofc he doesn't derseve it <3)
"Someone" keeps pretending to be me, funny enough that the 'me" acted exactly how he claimed I acted and if you met me you knew it wasn't alike.. I think he just pretended to be me straight up to get himself followers of pity It's gross and sad. He did admit to using fake editor apps when he made the video "Its a joke" and "___ is a karen!" he called me names a lot for being a victim.. And yeah he exposed the app in those videos so that's that for you, it's because I had proof I was at the candy store therefore he lied about me talking to him and "admitting". Also the comment "No one will help if it's online" Shows he knows it's malicious... DO A BACKUP CHECK ON HIS CHANNEL.
Hope one day the truth can be out and accepted not attacked to protect a person who only wanted fame. Doesn't help that recently he made a homophobic comment on how its not right because gay which yes is homophobic and against rights in ways he was caught attacking a kid for the same thing he did to me (a characters gender in uh that fluffy animal series i dunno its name he mocked user who pointed it out and the post is STILL up so give a look if he did it to someone else in 2024 is it odd he would do it to me in 2023..?.)
You can be his friend all you want but don't come near me I'm so sick of him using his underaged friends as bait he did that to someone I knew IRL she still liked me then and didn't even know it was wrong to pretend to be someone else for a "friend" It's gross. And I don't respect it but you can I did it ended me badly, he was my friend once, see what happens to you.
EDIT
The fact after this someone threatened my life and I was getting targeted more wtf... Says stuff 100℅.
Over more events I did not call him a pedophile he took my words out of context BADLY, I had said it is weird he talks to my younger friends as a 13 year old to talk in private with their legal phone numbers when he is 15. That isn't normal they were 8-10 years old. He just said I meant that I didn't I thought he was gonna manipulate them to attack kids like he did with my sister.
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i do understand using 'its not a phase' as a defence against homophobes and transphobes because they act like its a phase you'll grow out of and go back to be 'normal' and theyre wuite condescending about it all.
but like genuinely? every sexuality and gender ive had has been a phase tbh. like since i started recognising myself as any sort of queer
abd i thought that at the start was becuz i was like 11 and just didn't really have a proper understanding of my emotions and attraction,, and when i was a bit older it changed cuz guys went thru puberty and were hot now,,, but im starting to think thats not the case and my attraction just fuckin changes every so often (like before that i found no men hot, not even men that had gone thru puberty so idk)
but like my sexualities are as follows:
lesbian
pansexual
ace
pan again (it was all or nothing with my emotions ig???)
lesbian
lesbian (actually bi but denying it)
unlabelled (cuz they were stressing me out tbh)
bi
possibly lesbian
but my sexualities changin also somewhat overlap with how i view my gender and how that changed (also i didnt properly consider my gender for a while and i blame transmeds for that)
cis girl
trans masc nb (i liked ppl thinkin i was a boy but still thought of myself as not a boy)
nb
cis girl
possible trans man (questioning it like)
trans man
gender fluid girl-boy
possible cis girl (again but if im gender fluid it could be that)
so like maybe every sexuality and gender i have will be a phase? but i also dont care
maybe when i get older tge phases will be longer - maybe there wont be phases at all, but its such a struggle to live in a world where ppl Need to know exactly what you are and you don't know cuz it just fucking changes.
ik one thing tho,, thats that ive never rlly felt connected to my name. could just be my autism tho cuz that messes with how i perceive myself compared to how other do
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Okay all of this 2k12 turtle talk is mildly hilarious as someone who, while grew up watching 2k3 and even the 2k7 movie before 2k12 popped up and I irregularly caught it on the TV, still found myself drawn to those turtles the most BECAUSE of abusive dynamics that resonated with me.
I haven’t watched Rise yet (gotta do that at some point !), to preface. But since I was a kid I was definitely aware of abuse within the 2k12 family simply because I interpolated my own interpretations to situations beyond their reach to match my own lived experience yknow? Like you said, creating art to make something of your own trauma. I was an angry eldest child who went through ODD and depression+anxiety diagnoses before the ADHD one (and a softcore autism diagnosis, ig? it’s complicated) so of course I was drawn to the way Raphael was angry. Of course I was drawn to the way he lashed out at his brothers and friends emotionally and physically in a way I’ve done a lot. I understood the feeling of being so upset that you want to upset others (particularly authority figures) to make them understand the way you feel, even though you love them. It’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too. And of course I was drawn to Leonardo, eldest sibling syndrome incarnate, as I grew into the role of a parent in the household. Of course I disliked Splinter, because those conversations with Leonardo about it all reminded me of my home in a negative way. Discipline, the word, still makes me emotional.
So, I DO think there’s abusive themes in 2k12, but that’s why I liked it. Arguing over how good and bad fictional characters are in earnest has always seemed silly, but to dismiss interpreted abuse as bashing the show or characters is worse imo. (I think people who definitively label characters in the same, unrelenting way to undermine a show, it’s characters, or the fans is equally silly). I don’t know, those conversations struck a chord with me as a 2k12 fan solely due to their dysfunction.
Ahck sorry for the text wall !! Jus wanna add that it’s also why I love YOUR comics and work so much, they’ve helped a lot of people understand and be open about themselves and their experiences and I think you can tell from the asks. Doesn’t hurt to say it though. It helped me, it brings me joy, so thank you! ❤️
still found myself drawn to those turtles the most BECAUSE of abusive dynamics that resonated with me.
NOO Like this is the main reason i was first interested in watching 2012 instead of any of the other iterations after Rise too!!
I understood the feeling of being so upset that you want to upset others (particularly authority figures) to make them understand the way you feel, even though you love them. It’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too.
relatable, tbh. when i was younger i CHOSE to be sad instead of angry most of the time. I chose to blame myself and shut down, because I'd never want to put someone through the terror and pain I felt. but then as I grew up i realized just how much it was hurting me and how UNFAIR it all was. And then I realized how much the people hurting me the most DIDNT EVEN CARE.
I'm still distressed tho cause now I have a habit of lashing out at people when I feel like they don't understand, to try to make them feel the way I do. but at the end of the day I don't ACTUALLY want them in tears, I want them to UNDERSTAND my feelings and that's just!! not gonna happen through cruelty!!
Arguing over how good and bad fictional characters are in earnest has always seemed silly, but to dismiss interpreted abuse as bashing the show or characters is worse imo.
vIBEs. good opinions here no notes. Only thing I can add is that I've been given a few accounts of what is CLEARLY character bashing in popular parts of the fandom so I totally get people who get annoyed/skeeved out by it.
Jus wanna add that it’s also why I love YOUR comics and work so much, they’ve helped a lot of people understand and be open about themselves and their experiences and I think you can tell from the asks.
augh you're all such daRLING sweethearts about it. literally don't even worry, I do this for myself for the most part and all the good that comes afterwards is just a happy side effect.
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So *slides into your ask box*
Go crazy with Angel please 🙏👁️👁️
YESSSSS THANK YOU
i really wanna talk about all the shit hes been through because its very important to how he acts, specifically how he acts post roti
so the most obvious instance i can talk about is the wolf attack and the amount of damage (both mental and physical) it left him with. if this man was scared of dogs before, hes downright petrified now and literally cannot be in the same room as one. his brain sets of all of the alarms when he even hears one and you can bet that hes never gone w/out sleepless nights because of the incident. nightmares yay !!
he doesnt wear short sleeves anymore to hide the bite and claw scars to the best of his ability, but some cannot be hidden as well :(( in a weird way he sorta blames himself for running away from the challenge and getting lost in the woods and i dont think he'll ever stop thinking its his fault
okay ummm his family !! oh boy
his mother is a very uncaring individual. not very empathetic and honestly shouldnt have had kids but here we are ig. i mean. she tries to care but isnt very sympathetic towards him, not even as a kid. angel being trans doesnt really help this either as shes mainly supportive but he'll " always be her little girl " according to her. yeah ew. yeah shes a young mother w her own issues but maybe dont neglect your kids just a thought. also shes a chainsmoker so angel hates cigarettes
angels twin sister (darcy) isnt as bad but god does she have an ego. she thinks shes better than angel because.. she kinda is. shes cooler, more outgoing and more talented than him and she doesnt really shy away from rubbing it in his face. they have a rocky relationship but things are good for them in the end. they compete in rr together ^_^
angel definitely has a lot of issues that he just hasnt really resolved because he doesnt think its all that bad. hes really clingy because he grew up friendless (and practically motherless. mommy issues and friendless ?? pick a struggle) until total drama where he meets sol, dunkin, athena and charlie among many others :,)
but yeah. silly guy. i think he has autism
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vent post cringe
the holidays are fucking rough man. i'm having a much harder time masking my autism at work. i'm constantly annoyed. i'm not getting enough sleep or eating consistently.
and i miss my parents.
ig i don't *miss* them but i miss them. yknow. i miss parts of the relationship we had before i came out. even if it wasn't that healthy, it was still — i could at least pretend it was. i could be in the same room as them without having a panic attack.
i'm getting the self-blaming thoughts that i so often get. it wasn't that bad. they're sort of semi-accepting if you squint super hard. just talk to them. just go to christmas at your grandparents' house. surely it will be fine. suck it up. "man up." make compromises. won't you accommodate them? they've tried so hard to do the same for you.
except i know they haven't. i could go into all the complexities all day, but at the end of it they were, plain and simple, horrifically transphobic to me. yes, i could have done some things better in my relationship with them. none of that even comes close to justifying the way they treated me.
and now they fake it — use my chosen name, at least when talking to my sister, because she's an actually decent person who got upset when they deadnamed me in front of her before. but i know that shit is fake. i've seen them do similar things a million times, only to turn around and cling to their shitty fucking religious beliefs and ways they were raised, as though those things are their lifelines, their very sense of self. and they use those beliefs to crush me. and then they tell me that being trans shouldn't be an identity. the hypocrisy is astounding.
at times like this i just wish i wasn't trans at all. i wish things could be simple, or that i could go back to pretending they were. i'm grateful for the way my life has turned out, but holy shit, if only i were a cis girl. if only.
merry christmas, i guess!
#christmas feels so so so fake this year#for many reasons#both global and personal#i want to shut down and curl up in a hole#adrian posts
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https://www.deviantart.com/comments/4/80757935/5070403795
Alright, today I'm talking about this thread to talk about this unfortunate encounter with this Probium person.
First things first, they intruded the conversation I was having with this Patchi person, who was fortunately way more kinder and understanding than the person I'm mainly talking about. But anyways, Probium for whatever reason thought our conversation was his business now, and entered to bring out their hatred. Also going "I don't intend to attack Club" *he says as he's attacking Club and immediately trying to get me to unfriend him* After I tried reasoning with him about how untrustworthy Club's harassers are, he spams me with two replies at once for some reason, the first one saying "I'm autistic (doctor-diagnosed). I don't RP with anyone, especially not including diaper fetish" Uhh okay I didn't ask, what does that have to do with anything?? I never said YOU were the bigoted one, you moron, and you're also further slandering Club by saying it's a fetish, so "I don't intend to attack Club" my ass. Then the other thing they said was "Why don't you look through it and analyse for yourself, and how do you know these are bigoted trolls? If I told you I was one of those people exposing him, AND I'm autistic (he claims to be autistic too), how would you feel?" Look through and analyse for myself? HONEY PLEASE, I've been a victim of theirs myself! I know damn well what's going on with those fuckers. Maybe don't assume I don't know shit when I do. And if you told me that I would be like "Okay I don't know you and you're admitting to contributing to the harassment of my friend?? Lol okay then ig get blocked." You want to pretend you're special, but you just invaded a conversation. You were never a friend, I won't treat you any different than I treat the other DADramaNow trolls, dear. Also it's a shame your contributing to ableism when you yourself have autism, tsk tsk.
They then wanted me to define bigoted and list reasons why I knew DADramaNow was that. So I did. I gave them a good list. And I'll admit the things about Tam was a misunderstanding. Though rather than talking about my reasons like a normal person, they simply brushed off ALL my reasons with a "no". Then proceeded to rant about Club. "In fact, I have reasons to believe Club is bigoted. Transgender woman named Eden Knight committed suicide knowing that she was sent to Saudi Arabia to possibly be executed? "Oh no! Anyway..." also, constantly shunning other people's stories and struggles to make way for his own to vent about his love for diaper 5yos and make the AUTISM excuse." Yeah now I definitely know the whole thing about "nOt InTeNdInG tO aTtAcK cLuB" is bullshit to try and look innocent. I'm not dumb or blind, honey. And explain to me how the living Hell that woman committing suicide should be blamed on Club??
Of course I was having NONE of this bullshit anymore. It was clear all this person wanted to do was slander my friend and didn't want to listen to a thing I said, Ig a sad attempt of manipulating me to get away from him? But that whole thing was just immature as fuck. I then cut ties with him there and blocked him after giving the final blow, bc there was absolutely no reason to continue dealing with that headache of a "conversation". Why bother trying to talk to someone if they're just gonna tune you out and only worry about what THEY think and what THEY have to say??
I honestly shouldn't even TRY to reason with people like this, yet I tried anyways. And look where that got me -_-
DADramaNow and their supporters don't want reason, they just want mindless slander.
The saddest part is people misunderstand how trust is supposed to work, and that gets us in this kind of situation.
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Ok sorry i spent some time looking around for what the word might be a couple days ago after watching the Hannibal ep, but eventually once i ran out of ideas for media wikis to look at,
and moved on to papers and gov resources,
kept just running into the scary criminological rhetoric/passive attitudes that seem to pop up in most academic writing on the subject lol, so i eventually gave up for a bit/took a break. (Flashbacks to criminology courses where instructer describes a non neurotypical behavior, struggle, or thought, sometimes then applys it to 'psychopaths', goes "isn't that scary???," And then all the future cops agree. Ugh. Did manage to accidentally scare them with my autism tho. Diversity win?)
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Knowing it was criminal minds i think it may just have been surrogates? I think that was one of the ones that sounded not quite right/didnt match, but all the killers ive found in the synopsis, and rundown, of criminal minds eps. w motives like this refer to the victims as surrogates.
(Eg: "A serial killer known as the Road Warrior is gunning down blonde women on roads in Orange County, California and the BAU suspect that the victims are surrogates and that it's only a matter of time before he kills the real one.")
There are also a couple fishy sites and sketchy behind a wall papers that appear to be using the word surrogate to describe the 'muse' in that sort of killer MO
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Some papers use surrogate victim as something else, though, it seems?
[Eg: A surrogate victim is generally defined as an individual who has experienced actual harm, but not by the offender who participates in the process (Umbreit et al., 2007). Surrogates are commonly associated with Victim Impact Panels (VIP), also called surrogate impact panels (Kerrigan & Mankowski, 2020).]
Which is not what you were thinking of. The above is probably either the real world meaning, or a duplicate term, or something. We're looking for what a TV show would say, anyway. Or at least what they would quote. Dont know from where, though. Hmm.
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Some random persons criminology course notes also refer to them as surrogate victims/surrogates. (Mind you they also have notes that mention the superego and other stuff debunked in psychology but thats criminology courses for you, i wouldn't blame them personally. Its probably just being used as a synonym for ethos/conscience as well as learned bias. There were more than a couple particularly Freudian ideas and statements in there, though.)
Anyways uh yeah. Surrogates maybe? If not i can keep looking lol im also stuck on figuring this out at this point
- Hannibal anon ig
No it’s okay, thank you so much!!! I was thinking maybe surrogates or proxy or something like that but I think I saw the same thing you saw cause those formal definitions did not match how people usually use them
It probably is surrogate but this might be one of those times where the word just never sounds right again 😭
Thank you so much though!!!!!!
#no fandom#anon#ask box#y’all ever experience that? where you find the right word but it *still* doesn’t sound right?#oh well 😭#life carries on#thank you so much again anon!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️#seriously!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
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as much as I was/am rooting for Donnie it is kind of baffling to me that Abed is losing. like he was the og. the blueprint.
I was drawing and put on this compilation on the side and. by god he really is just autistic as fuck. he was one of, if not the first that I saw depicted in a show. but I kind of understand why people would prefer Donnie because he's a more recent and positive example. not that they never showed Abed in a positive light (in fact its kind of the opposite. hes humanised n loved for who he is in so many different instances. having whole eps built around it. theres literally multiple eps where his autistic swag charms ppl. anyways)
but y'know. tone of the show is very different, and can come across more mean spirited than w Donnie sometimes. but seeing all of these moments happening back to back I feel like Abed's portrayal is a lot more real because they can actually say it. its not like they are (they kind f just. use synonyms/dance around it. i dont think they ever actually call him autistic but they do say aspergers a bunch, we dont need to get into why that term is outdated n bad just. google it. but also this show is like 13 years old so. cant rlly blame em too much ig?) but anyway. abed is just. allowed to be more blatant which i like. not that donnie isnt blatant but. idk man. why are we even pitting 2 bad bitches against eachother. love n peace on plane autism.
#bro its 1 in the morning i am. onto nothng. im so tired#this is abt the autism swag polls btw. context.#tedpost#tedtalks#everything donnie does is autism but everything abed does is too. and donnie was at least partially based on abed.#then again idk who i have more of an attachment to. abed 4 nostalgia but donnie quite literally helped me understand my brother more#as autistics who have very different levels of empathy#i dont remember if abed ever had any real life effect like that on me tbh.
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I love dogs, saw a video that someone’s dog got ‘hit and run’d and was really sad, reading the comments to see updates from creator and see some lady blame the owner when the incident happened within the owners property
So I’m petty, check the ladies account-
And she’s a ‘good’ person, donates to some autism charity, is battling cancer, is a mom and all that
And I feel a little bad but what kinda person do you gotta be, to be someone who struggles, yet still blame someone for the loss of their friend; especially when it was due to the ignorance and cruelty of someone else-
Feeling dramatic ig
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