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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 10 months ago

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Summary: You are baking a cake for Bucky's birthday, but he is far more interested in the icing.

Word Count: 1,454

Warnings: nsfw, smut, oral sex (female receiving), slightly dom Bucky

“I’m not sure that you need to go through all this effort for me.”

“Of course you’re worth the effort, babe! Plus I promised everyone that they would get their favorite cakes, so now I have to deliver.”

“So essentially this isn’t for me, it’s for everyone else.” Bucky’s destructive thoughts getting the better of him, even on this auspicious day.

You put down all your baking equipment and turned to face your boyfriend, hands on your hips. “Now you listen to me, this party is to celebrate your presence on this Earth. I could not be more grateful for that. And if it means making cake to make everyone happy, I will do just that. Understood?”

Bucky nodded meekly, smiling.

The oven timer pinged letting you know that the cakes you’d baked were ready. It had been the aroma of said cakes that had attracted Bucky to the kitchen in the first place. You pulled out the fresh batch of cupcakes; they looked perfect. You were glad you’d hung out with your sister when she baked. She was a chef and made the most wonderful desserts. Bucky reached out to pick up one of the cupcakes, but you swatted his hand away.

“Not yet, you’ll ruin your appetite. Lunch first, cake is for the party. Plus you snack entirely too much and neglect your vegetables terribly.”

Bucky pouted. Why did he look so adorable when he did that? You weren’t sure if he knew how you felt about his pout, but he most certainly took advantage of that fact. You resisted his attempts at sympathy, with difficulty. Getting to work, you found the icing covering not only the cakes, but your fingers and for some reason, your face. Bucky watched you make a mess all over the kitchen counter, a mess you knew he wouldn’t help clean up. After a good half hour of creative icing and uttering a variety of profanities, you dropped two little sweets into the last cupcake.

“The sweets are meant to represent eyes,” you informed Bucky, admiring the little faces on each individual cupcake.

“I see,” was all he had to say.

“Buck, remind me never to offer to make a cake for anyone ever again.”

“I wish I were the kind of person who could stop myself from saying ‘I told you so,’ but I’m not. I told you it was a bad idea.”

If looks could kill, Bucky wouldn’t stand a chance in hell.

“Any chance you’ll help me clean this up?” You nodded at the clutter, hands held out in front of me, like a surgeon who had just scrubbed up.

“Of course,” Bucky said.

You were surprised by his answer, that is until you saw the smirk on his face. Bucky took your hand and placed your thumb in his mouth, sucking the icing clean off your skin. He worked his way across one hand, taking your whole finger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around your digits, sucking at the tips, the whole time looking directly into your eyes. Your breathing was heavy, panties already soaked with anticipation. Bucky leaned towards your face and you looked up in response, expecting a kiss. As he got closer, rather than aiming for your lips, Bucky licked your chin. You hadn’t even noticed that there had been icing there! He kissed you, hard, tongue in your mouth, you could taste the icing on his.

“Easy there, cream puff,” you said as Bucky pressed against you again. “You’re going to ruin the cupcakes!”

“The cupcakes are fine!” Bucky peered around you to check. In the process he noticed the tube of icing, which he grabbed excitedly.

“You’re not going to eat directly from that are you?”

“No, that wasn’t my intention. But my birthday, my choice!” Bucky quirked an eyebrow and looked you up and down. Your eyes widened as you realized what he wanted.

“Really?” you asked.

Bucky nodded and motioned you over to the couch where he stripped you of your clothes. It didn’t take long, you were only wearing shorts and one of his old t-shirts.

“Lie down.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command, a command you obeyed instantly.

Bucky climbed on top of you, straddling your hips. You noticed that his bulge was much more prominent than normal. He still had the tube of icing in his hand.

“Open your mouth,” he said.

You did.

Bucky squirted some icing onto your tongue, it tasted divine. Closing your eyes, you moaned, your chest rose as you took a deep breath.Bucky cupped one of your breasts and using the tube, drew a spiral of icing around your nipple. He moved over to the other side and did the same. You watched his eyes as he worked, they had a hungry, excited look which made you tingle. Bucky shuffled down your body until he was sitting between your legs. He disposed of his shirt and pants, leaving only his boxers and the clear signs of his arousal.

He leaned over your naked form and slowly licked the icing from you with the broad flat of his tongue. The sensation was almost explosive, even more so now that he had started to grind his hips against yours. You were starting to feel a little desperate for some skin contact. You ran your fingers through Bucky’s hair and tugged at it gently as he sucked on your other nipple.

“Bucky, is that all you’re going to be eating today?” you asked, breathily.

Bucky looked up at you and smiled wickedly, “not at all, Doll.” And with that he moved further down the couch, taking your legs in his hands and pushing them apart. He took one quick glance at your face before plunging his tongue between your folds and caressed your clit.

You cried out in pleasure, “Oh God, Bucky.”

“Doll, you taste better than the icing.”

All you could manage was a moan in response. Bucky laughed again and climbed up to your face, his whole body weight pressed against you.

“You’re not done already are you?” you asked.

“No, that was just the appetizer. I’m here for the three course meal.”

“Well you’ve certainly wet my appetite. Now get off me, I want a taste too.”

Bucky got up and pulled you to your feet. You stood face to face while you ran your fingers all over his body, placing kisses in places you knew got him excited.

“Do you want to try some of the icing?” Bucky asked as you pulled down his boxers.

“I prefer salty over sweet.” you replied, stroking him. “Why don’t we have the main course in the bedroom?”

Bucky took your hand and led the way. He lay down on the bed and you quickly brought him to his full potential with some well placed kisses and caresses. Before either of you knew what was happening, he was inside you, pushing gently at first, allowing you to adjust to his size. It wasn’t really necessary, you were ready.

“Hurry up Buck, I’m so ready for dessert.”

He was more than happy to oblige. Your hips clashed together as he pushed into you hungrily. Your hands seemed to be everywhere, greedily stealing every delicious sensation.

Suddenly Bucky slowed down. “You ready?”

His question confused you at first, but then you felt him throbbing inside you and realized that he was almost finished. You loved that about Bucky, he was always willing to wait for you, he wanted you to finish together. You shook my head. You were close, but you needed a little more stimulation. You reached down to help yourself, but Bucky got there first.

“Just tell me when, okay?” he said.

You nodded. It didn’t take much long after that, after a minute you were screaming at him that you were on the edge. He started pounding into you furiously. You clenched around him, waves of pleasure crashing through your body. Bucky threw his head back and swore as he emptied his load into you, ecstasy pumping through him with his orgasm. Bucky collapsed beside you, both of you breathing heavily. You lay together in silence trying to catch your breath, savoring the remnants of the bliss you’d brought each other.

Bucky spoke up first. “So you ready for dessert?”

You looked at him incredulously. “It’s your birthday, not mine!”

“I could really do with some cake.” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows.

“Fuck, the cakes!” You’d forgotten to put them in the fridge. You practically fell off the bed as you rushed into the kitchen to make sure your hard work had not been a waste of time. You heard Bucky’s low rumbling laughter float after you.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fan fiction #birthday fludd

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londonfog-chan · 27 days ago

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Emperor Geta x Fem!Reader: The Goddess and The Cupbearer

A/N: You know what the Romans did a lot of? Looking at omens and star charts.

I set out to find the worst possible combination of zodiacs. The nightmare duo apparently is Aquarius and Virgo. I am a Virgo, and with my many Aquarius friend experience, that Aquarius + Virgo combo is the OG “we can make each other worse”. You gotta be able to laugh off the trauma at dinner afterwards if you wanna hang with the air and earth hell match.

Credits: @ghoulbloggerrr for the dividers, @writhingg and @rxqueenotd for reading my clown shoes writing, and @trashmouth-richie for seeing and putting up with my foolishness in the DMs

Warnings: General debauchery and toxic relationships, referenced abuse and neglect, references to Commodus from the first movie, general talk of “pure bloodlines” because those fucking imperial families, man…, clown world

“The priests suggest that our nuptials should be delayed until the third week of Juno. Would that please you?”

You huffed. Stuck out your left hand with the gaudy gold gilt ring. A cold, steel glower— your father’s stare— marred the softness of your otherwise beautiful features.

“I am to wait so long to have my husband?” You snapped.

“It would be an auspicious month.” Geta replied, pulling you in closer to his side, “It will bode well for our union, and encourage further good omens to come.”

A gentle cough erupted from your throat, causing you to clear it. The shawl of gold and purple damask around your shoulders slipped to reveal your pink linen stola.

“Did they not read our stars?” You asked, “What of our alignments? Surely that would be auspicious enough to warrant a disregard of my illness.”

Geta laughed, readjusting your silken shawl to keep you warm.

“They certainly have read our stars.” He laughed, “We are apparently quite the… difficult match.”

He recalled the grave face of the augury when he came before the senate and the co-emperor. As predicted, the augury did indeed suggest that Geta and you wait until your current illness abated, to prevent such an omen from destroying the impending marriage.

“His majesty would do well to wait until the third week of the month of Juno to commence the marriage proceedings.” Said the old priest, “We have read both the stars of the future empress and his majesty, though… I must express my concern.”

“What is your concern?” Geta had asked, his amber eyes narrowing in anger.

“Sire… the future empress is born under the stars of Proserpina.” Said the augury, “And your excellency was born under the stars of Catamitus. The Virgin and the Cupbearer of the gods are not the… traditional match one would assume.”

“Bother tradition.” He had snapped, “I want my wife.”

There was much whispering and dissent among the members of the senate. Half wanted to call the whole thing off, for fear of the calamity such a match would bring. Yet there was a majority outcry against delaying the marriage. You were the senate’s last hope for the reclamation of the people’s favor. They looked to make you into a beacon of hope, one that would soothe the imperator’s wrath at being denied an adoption into the former imperial family’s line of succession.

As her child, your mother’s shining reputation had yet made you the successor, where Geta and his brother were yet still the empire’s pariahs. By reputation alone, you would change the tides of history. While your future husband would be the head of the empire, the senate sought to make you the neck: that you might turn Geta any way they so wished.

“But excellency… you must consider the potential disharmony from an unbalanced match.”

“And what is this disharmony?!” Demanded a member of the senate.

“Well…” said the old man, until he was interrupted by his young acolyte.

“His majesty would consider that those under Proserpina’s stars are not weak willed women.” Said the younger acolyte.

The augury attempted to speak, but Geta held up his hand to silence him.

“You.” He said, pointing to the young acolyte, “Continue.”

Riding the high of commanding the attention of the room, the young man puffed his chest out before he continued.

“Proserpina’s women are driven by logic and stability, constant and reliable as the changing of the seasons.” Said the young man, “The sons born under Catamitus-…”

The augury tried to cut in, laying his hand against the bulla of his student.

“Catamitus’ stars encourage independence and nonconformity. The antithesis to Proserpina’s proclivity to order and stability.”

“And that is true.” agreed the young acolyte, “However, it is irresponsible and inconsiderate to the imperator’s marriage to assume that logic cannot coexist with independence!”

“So you believe,” he began, “That these attributes can coexist and… what? Compliment one another?”

“My lord.” Said the acolyte, “Should Catamitus and Proserpina intersect, their union would be unstoppable.”

He spread out the well cared for charts on the marble altar, along with notations and omens that had been discovered.

“Logic and nonconformity may be to the ignorant eye a combination of oil at water,” said the young acolyte, “Yet we must not deny that those ruled by logic and reason hold the key to doors previously bolted by a warding lock.”

The young man had seemed to argue in favor of the arrangement. While Catamitus may have compelled Geta in the pursuit of pleasure and freedom, Proserpina’s stars were apparently the path that would lead you both to prosperity. It was argued that such a conjunction of strong wills could move mountains.

“Yet sire… please consider…” begged the augury, “Proserpina’s children are stubborn and unyielding. Women who will not yield to their husband’s will can only cause misfortune. The driven nature of the astrological signs are as different as the elements. Earth and air… it is unthinkable! Imbalanced.”

It was as Geta had suspected. He asserted often that he knew you were not a weak willed woman. You were every bit cunning and calculating as he had suspected you to be since your first introductions.

You were a challenge, a gamble. An obstacle.

It would be pleasing to Geta to break or make you.

“Your opinion is astute, old man.” Geta said, “And yet, I am afraid your opinion has only further stoked the flames of my passions. Perhaps it is the thrill of the hunt, or perhaps it is the thrill of having an empress that will not yield. A challenge… a gamble, if I may. I fail to see the consequences of two different elements.”

“Imperator!” He begged, “I beg of you to reconsider. Such a union would not ensure a prosperous bloodline.”

“She is the heir of Commodus, is she not?”

“Yes but…! Unification between you and the heir would bode disastrous! One would always have to yield to the other for harmony, creating conflict and strife. Matters of ego will tear the heart asunder!”

“And what would be the impediments to a harmonious unification?” Asked Geta.

“The frequent clashing of wills shall burn the empire to the ground!” Cried the augury, “You will find your wife’s overbearing arrogance a thorn in your side, and she will find your domination an affront to her vanity!”

“But consider the unification’s origin!” said his acolyte, “Their connection was, as predicted, instantaneous and deep. One would know the thoughts of the other, their collaborations in matters of state would bring the favor of the people back to the empire!”

Ruminating against the scours of papyrus and wax tablets, the youth began to make countless arguments against his teacher. Evidently, a veritable trove of good omens had been given by the gods for your impending union. Such blessings could only be bested by the fates themselves emerging from the heavens to sing prophecies at the reception after the nuptial rituals.

“Consider the omens at hand: the woman is of noble birth and pure blood, already the people look favorably upon her piety and reputation derived from the mother. The flight patterns of the swifts were also analyzed during her auspicious birth. They were trending high, a favorable omen. And…! Upon the annunciation of the imperator’s engagement, a lightning storm took place in the easternmost part of the empire. A blessing!” exclaimed the acolyte, “In reality, these nightmarish foretellings of their clash of egos are naught more than seed tilled in secret to sow doubt.”

“Foolish boy!” exclaimed the elder augury, “You do not answer the imperator’s questions, you simply seek to defend your point!”

Geta watched the two begin to argue in morbid fascination. Captivated by their arguments as though they were butchers cleaving one another to pieces. It had taken his roar to call the two to order, demanding further details of the match and why the augury was so hell bent on breaking the engagement…

“Enough…”

You waved your hand, as though you could wave away the wine tinged words of the emperor. The more he spoke of the dissenting argument that had taken place before the senate, echoing the consequences of your union, the more your stomach began to churn.

With a grimace, you pulled your shawl tighter over your chest. A shuddering sigh escaped you, and you began to retreat into some secret place within your own thoughts as your gaze lowered to the garden floor.

“My lady…” Geta probed gently, his fingertips touching your cheek, “Have I displeased you with my tale?”

“That will be enough.” You groused, trying not to cry.

Geta’s arms tightened around you possessively. There was nothing more you could do except lay there on him, your own stubborn nature trying to keep your body language lax. As if by this microaggression, you were able to rebel against he who would be your husband.

“Love…” Geta whispered, “Have the words of the augury displeased you?”

“No.” You said, nodding your head as if trying to banish the welling in your eyes, “No, why should it displease me? These things come from the gods themselves, do they not? Obviously my own ego and vanity should act as a fine shield against their poisoned barbs.”

“Is that so?”

You nodded ruefully. The circumstances of your tragic life from birth until now weighing heavily on your heart. Rejected by your mother, who saw you as a grim reminder of a traumatic conception and the loss of her son, it was as if a curse had marred your life. Venus seemed to hold her grudges, but you could not understand your transgression. Instead she punished you. Withheld love until you went looking in dark places for it. And now, it seemed because of the stars you were born under, you would not be able to find happiness even within an engagement to the debauched and disgraced emperor.

“Yes. I suppose it is true, is it not? Air and earth are two very different things, indeed. Birds are content to take wing upon the air to pursue freedom, what more does the earth below do for them? They crash upon it and die, and should their nest fall, the eggs cradled inside do not survive the impact either. Fitting, I suppose, that the gods would make my love life a farce…”

Though your words were biting and spiteful, Geta knew the declaration of the augury had cut deep. Your false smile contrasted against the tears you shook free from your eyes, trembling shoulders giving away the fact that your stone heart was crumbling into pieces.

Geta could not stand to see you in such pain. There were already countless bitter poisons poured into your cup, handed vinegar rather than wine in the form of emotional disconnect from your mother, a stepfather that was constantly away on campaign in the name of the co-imperators. Behind it all, like the miasma that made you ill, was the looming shadow of the man who had sired you; a yoke too heavy to bear alone thrown over your shoulders.

You did not deserve vinegar.

“Look at the ring I have given you.” Geta demanded suddenly.

Your laugh was bitter.

“I suppose it would make sense you would wish to call off the wedding.” You said, making to pull off the golden band, “Here, let me give it back-…”

“Hold your tongue, impudent woman. Your emperor has commanded you to look upon the band, not take it off.”

You huffed, holding it up to the sunlight– the solar rays filtered through the interstice, created by the leaves of your stepfather’s laurel tree.

“Do you know the stone setting in the band?” Geta asked, his cadence soft, almost sweet.

“It is amethyst.” You deadpanned.

“Your observation is incorrect, my lady.” Geta said smugly.

“And you are a blind fool.” You snarled, “What other stone is purple aside from amethyst?!”

“Hold your serpent’s tongue, before I order it carved out, love. Look closer.”

You reluctantly obeyed, seeing nothing more than the deep purple of the stone. The ring was the same as the day Geta had gifted it to you: a thick golden band on the second to last finger of your left hand, carved with intricate embellishments. The not-amethyst was surrounded by miniature diamonds, a rare and lovely ring that symbolized your betrothal to you opulent fiance. When your eyes drifted down along the cabochon, you noticed at one point the stone had begun to change color: an ombré of violet and indigo yielding to golden tangerine.

“What is this?!” You exclaimed, “The stone is of poor quality?!”

Geta laughed. Laughed so hard he nearly had a coughing fit trying to compose himself.

“Careful love, your acucity in the matter of precious gems will have you casting pearls before swine.” He teased, “That is not a flawed amethyst. It is something else entirely. Something that only you and I will possess.”

His large hand overlayed with yours, a matching ring containing an obnoxiously cut chunk of the same gem on his own engagement hand. The larger stone he owned captured the stark difference far more perfectly than your diminutive cut. From purple to orange, the polished cabochon gleamed like a wet, juicy grape in the sunlight next to yours.

“During one of many campaigns, my generals had bestowed upon me various rare gifts from those whose lands I have claimed for my empire.” Geta said, his free arm wrapping around your body.

“This stone was one of many curios brought to me; a spoil of war that had great significance to the ruler whose head was cleaved from his shoulders. It is not amethyst, but something else of an entirely different make. The captives of this conquered land called it ‘ametrine’.”

“Ametrine?”

He nodded.

“It is a sacred stone. An amalgamation of two entirely different rare stones: amethyst and citrine. No other mine in the world contains such a stone, and perhaps there are no more, other than the specimen that made these cabochons.”

His lips caressed the skin of your cheek. Legs curling up in pleasure, you closed your eyes as you inhaled his spiced scent of mulled wine and patchouli.

“They are cut from the same stone, my love. And are they not a perfect symbol of two different attributes? Gold and purple, purity and passion, domination and submission.”

His kisses were growing heated, tongue lathing gently upon your neck.

“It is a perfect representation for what our love will offer the other, do you not agree?” He whispered, tongue running along the length of your carotid artery, “Beauty in the joining of opposites, a prize that no one else in the world possesses, save for you and I. Our will and ego will clash spectacularly, as they already do, but does our passion not burn all the brighter?”

You shivered. His affections became more intimate, a ringed hand scraping gems over the soft skin of your breast and nipple as he reached possessively into your stola.

“We are not alike, in many ways this is true.” Geta observed, “Yet our differences complement one another, and our love is perfect.”

“… a joining of opposites, and perfect love…” you echoed.

You watched as your fingers slotted between his on both of your left hands. The band on your hand had been made in such a way that when you held hands with your beloved, your engagement ring meshed seamlessly with the gaudy gold band and large cabochon he wore. Such care and attention to detail had been taken in the creation of the wedding bands, that it looked as though the stones had not been parted at all.

It was a testament to his decadence and arrogance… but it was so like him, to have the same attention to detail that you did.

“It is fitting, isn’t it?” You asked, cuddling in closer, “The cunning and debauched emperor of Catamitus joining forces with his pious, brooding empress of Proserpina.”

“Indeed it is, my darling.” He murmured, “We are in many ways alike, wouldn’t you say? Trapped in our own individual prisons, seeking something that the other alone cannot provide…”

“I fear for the empire.” You laughed, squeezing his palm, “For I can only imagine what horrors our combined traits would produce in heirs.”

Geta’s laughter was cruel, and ugly as he held you tighter, the hand at your breast moving to touch your warm stomach.

“You are right to be afraid, my love.” He grinned, “We shall produce heirs that are not fit for this world. Ones that are both cunning and earnest, pious and debauched-…”

“A debauched, power hungry army of sons and daughters, who would have both the drive to seek power and pleasure, and the intelligence to retain it for a thousand years.” you laughed, “By the gods, Geta. Our heirs would burn the world up, and then turn the torch upon one another.”

He could see it himself. At least ten children, decuplets, perhaps half daughters, half sons. Squabbling in your womb for the right to be first conceived. Biting and constricting one another with the umbilicus until they emerged punching and kicking each other out of the womb. Throwing their toys and baubles at one another, punching and kicking until they came of age, old enough to command legions of their own to do battle on the very empire they stood to inherit.

“That they would, my love.” Geta laughed, his mind still on his nightmarish brood, “They would turn the world to ash, and use their own royal blood to slake their thirst when the lake of sanguine of their creation at last runs dry.”

“Gods have mercy.” You laughed.

Both of your shared peals of laughter echoed in the garden, an evil sound to others. But to the both of you, the sound was full of warmth and joy.

“But… but!” Geta wheezed, untangling his hand from yours as he wrapped your entire torso in his embrace, “There is yet a sweetness in the destruction.”

“A sweetness?” You laughed, looking at his flushed cheeks, “You are drunk, Geta.”

The imperator cackled again, the spicy scent of mulled wine still evident on his lips.

“Perhaps, but still consider the following: from the ashes of our children’s destruction, we can yet find potential for creation and renewal. An endless cycle of destruction and chaos from our heirs would only further occupy their time away from us.” He said.

He was barking mad. Stark raving, his senses had completely left him.

“So we would let our hell spawn burn down the world. While you and I argue, make love, clash with our egos, and generally mishandle and act like idiots?” You asked, the giggle still caught in your throat, “What of the empire? Would it not suffer?”

“Who cares? We wouldn’t be alive to see it fall, anyways.”

For a moment, there was a bit of hesitation. Sure the world had torn your heart asunder, left you alone and destitute, your heart empty of every emotion save for apathy, misanthropy, and the rare spurts of love you felt for Geta. But did the world really deserve to be turned to ash? Just because it had nearly killed you with trials and tribulations, did you really need to be flaunting your mismatched love so blatantly in front of the gods…? Surely, you thought, you should be sober and martyr yourself like your mother. Dreaming of an ideal of peace and harmony rather that discord and destruction.

But then you looked up. You saw the ash and kohl lined eyes of Geta as he grinned down at you, the mixture of white marl and cerussa crumbling in some places on his face, revealing the flush drunk cheeks underneath. His golden laurels were askew on his tangerine locks, and the pupils of his amber eyes were dilated.

You glanced down at the silk shawl you wore. Tyrian purple. The silk skeins had been a wedding gift from Geta, crates upon crates of spun silk for you to work on the warp of your loom. Already you had completed your wedding trousseau. The lack of sleep and neglect of your health was caused directly by the desire to work the skeins into something lovely.

Orange and purple. His tangerine curls, your tyrian purple shawl.

You were reminded of the ametrine ring on your finger.

A combination of two different stones.

Complementary colors.

A perfect love.

“The hell with it all.” You laughed, tossing your head back carelessly, “Let the stars of Proserpina and Catamitus create a chaotic, beautiful world.”

#emperor geta #emperor geta x reader #emperor geta x you #emperor geta x female reader #gladiator ii #gladiator 2 #gladiator II x reader #geta #geta x reader #geta x you #gladiator movie #commodus

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max1461 · 1 day ago

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There are rules concerning the number of tatami mats and their layout in a room. In the Edo period, "auspicious" (祝儀敷き, shūgijiki) and "inauspicious" (不祝儀敷き, fushūgijiki) tatami arrangements were distinctly differentiated, with tatami rearranged depending on the occasion. In modern practice, the "auspicious" layout is normally used. In this arrangement, the junctions of the tatami form a "T" shape; in the "inauspicious" arrangement, the tatami are in a grid pattern wherein the junctions form a "+" shape.[6] An auspicious tiling often requires the use of 1⁄2 mats to tile a room.[11] It is NP-complete to determine whether a large room has an auspicious arrangement using only full mats.[12]

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kiddotarot · 7 months ago

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MOON IN HOUSE AND EFFECTS = PART 1

As explained in the preceding issue, the Sun is regarded as the generator of power that gives spirit and life to all planets, the Moon is considered to be the conductor of power lent by Sun and rules over the lives of the beings on this earth. Sun represents individuality, whereas Moon shows ones personality.

Moon in Ist House

In general, the 1st house belongs to Mars and Sun. When the moon is also placed therein, this house will come under the combined influences of the Mars, the Sun and the Moon i.e. all the 3 mutual friends will be treated as occupants of this house. The Sun and Mars will extend all friendly support to their natural friend Moon placed on the throne i.e. the ascendant house. Such native will be soft-hearted and will inherit all the traits and qualities of his mother. He will be either the eldest brother or will certainly be treated so. As long as the native receives the blessings of his mother and keeps her happy, he will continue to rise and prosper in every way. The things and the relatives as represented by Mercury, who is inimical to Moon, will prove harm- ful to the native, e.g., the sister-in-law and the green color will affect adversely. Hence it is better to keep away from them. Burning milk (for making Khoya) or selling milk for profit would reduce or minimize the power of the Moon placed in the 1st house, which means that the natives life and property would be de- stroyed if he engages himself in such activities. Such a native should serve others with water and milk freely for long life and all round prosperity. Such a native will get a life of about 90 years and will be bestowed with honours and fame by the Govt.

Moon in 2nd House

The results of the 2nd house, when Moon is placed therein, will be influenced by Jupiter, Venus and the Moon, because this is the Puckka Ghar, the permanent house of Jupiter and Venus is the lord of the second Rashi Taurus. The Moon gives very good results in this house, as it becomes very strong here because of the friendly support of Jupiter against Venus. Such a native may not have sisters, but will certainly be having brothers. In case he doesnt have, his wife will certainly have brothers. He will certainly receive his due share in parental properties. Whatever be the planetary position otherwise, but the Moon here will ensure male offspring to the native. The native will receive good education, which will add to his fortune. The Business associated with the things of the Moon will prove highly advantageous. He may be a reputed teacher also. The Ketu placed in the 12th house will cause eclipse of the Moon here, which will deprive the native either of good education or of male children.

Moon in 3rd House

The results of the 3rd house, when the Moon is placed therein, will be influenced by the Mars, Mercury and Moon. Here the Moon proves highly beneficial to ensure a long life and great wealth or riches for the native. If there are no planets in the 9th and 11th houses, then Mars and Venus will give good results to the native because of the Moon being in the 3rd house. With the advancement of the natives education and learning, the economic condition of his father will deteriorate, but without affecting his education adversely. If Ketus placing in the horoscope is auspicious and not harming the Moon in the 3rd, the education of the native will bear good fruits and prove advantageous in every manner. If the Moon is malefic, it will cause great loss of wealth and money at the age of the malefic planet placed in the 9th house

Moon in 4th House

The results of the 4th house are the general product of the total influences of Moon, the lord of the 4th Rashi Cancer and the permanent resident of the 4th house. Here the Moon becomes very strong and powerful in every manner. The use of, and association with the things represented by the Moon will prove highly beneficial to the native. Offer milk in place of water to the guests. Obtain blessings of your mother or the elderly women by touching their feet. The 4th house is the river of income which will continue to increase expenditure. In other words, expenditure will augment income. The native will be a reputed and honoured person with soft heart and all sorts of riches. He will inherit all the traits and qualities of his mother and will face the problems of life boldly like a lion. He will receive honour and favours from the government along with riches and will provide peace and shelter to others. Good education will be ensured for the native. If Jupiter is placed in the 6th house and Moon in the 4th, parental profession will suit him. If a person has mortgaged certain valuables to the native, he will never come back to demand it. If Moon be placed with 4 planets in the 4th house, the native will be economically very strong and wealthy. The male planets will help the native like sons and the female planets like daughter

Moon in 5th House

The results of the 5th house, when the Moon is placed therein, will be influenced by the Sun, the Ketu and the Moon. The native will adopt just and right means to earn wealth and will not yield to wrong doing. He may not do well in business but certainly receive favours and honours from the government. Anyone supported by him will win. The Moon in the 5th house will give 5 sons if the Ketu is well placed and benefic even if the Moon is joined by malefic planets. By his education and learning the native will undertake several mea- sures for others welfare, but the others will not do good to him.

Hope you enjoy

#composite chart #vedic astrology observations #astrology community #astro observations #astro notes #tarot tumblr #tarotcommunity #daily tarot #tarot reading #moon in astrology #astro placements #pick an image #kidoo astrology

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thewritetofreespeech · 7 months ago

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Could I request headcanons of Heracles, Buddha, and Hades seeing their s/o in a playboy bunny costume?

“[Y/N]! We’re going to be late for the party!” Heracles called through their small home. Even with only half his vocal force, the room booming with the sound of it.

They had been invited to a small gathering of some of the demi-gods and former soldiers for Apokries. The festival season was always one of his favorite of the year. The comradery. The laughter. And of course, the food and drinking.

There were also the elaborate costumes some of the participants wore. It was not a requirement, but encouraged. Dressing up was also something Heracles enjoying. Stepping out of one’s self for a bit to be another. Although this lion’s head was getting rather itchy.

“Ok! I’m ready!”

[Y/N] came out from around the corner. Bright smiled and literally bushy tailed. “Do you like it? Loki mentioned this was a modern bunny costume on Earth these days. He said it would be a wonderful fit for our Lion and the Rabbit costume.”

Heracles just stood there. Staring at [Y/N] as they explained their costume and then process. Then all of a sudden he announced, “how wonderful! It’s so unique!”

The demi-god came over and scooped [Y/N] up in his arms. “How thoughtful of Loki to be so helpful. Maybe he’s finally coming around. But we should head off to the party before we’re late, and show everyone your beautiful costume.”

“Ok!”

They go to the party and receive a lot of stares. Heracles knew that his lion’s head was authentic, but he didn’t think it would get that much attention from strangers.

“Oi! Babe! Let’s go! If we wait any longer we’re going to be late.”

Not that that would be the end of the world. Buddha didn’t really want to go to the party anyway. He’d rather just stay home with [Y/N]. Besides, costume parties seemed lame.

“Alright, alright! I’m coming, I’m coming!”

Buddha turned his head when they came into the room and looked like he had seen a ghost. “What are you wearing??”

“It’s my costume.” They reply nonchalantly. Giving him a little twirl. “Don’t you like it?”

“Oh yeah. I like it.” It was a good thing he usually wore loose fitting pants. “But you can’t wear that.”

“Can’t?” [Y/N] repeated with their hands on their hips.

“You know what I mean. Not ‘can’t can’t’, you just can’t.”

“I thought you were all about ‘free will’ and ‘expression of one’s true self’.” Buddha growled.

“Yeah. But not if people are going to ogle my partner!”

[Y/N] huffed. “That’s their business. We are not in control of how others examine the world, only ourselves.” He was really regretting writing all this stuff down. “I’m going to the party. You can either choose to come with me or stay here. It’s up to you.”

Buddha thought about it for a moment. Would it be better to see those goons ogling them in person, or just imagine it all night?

In the end, he decided to go. It was very hard to keep to the ‘do not harm’ mandate for the evening.

“Dearest, we will need to get going or we will be late.” Hades called from their bedroom. Adjusting his regalia.

Apokries was an auspicious time for the gods. Many festivals. Many offerings. And, of course, many parties for them to attend.

The higher gods had their own party that they normally attended. Mostly his family. A few ‘outsiders’ welcomed into the fold, but typically just them. Hades liked spending time with his family but did appreciate that the party planning could be tedious.

“Ok, I’m ready my love.” [Y/N] came out of their closet in their selected ensemble for the evening. Hades one visible eyebrow arching considerably.

“It’s a lovely outfit, my darling, but you do know that this is a formal affair. Yes?”

“I’m wearing a bowtie.”

Hades sighed and covered his face. Partly due to annoyance. Partly to hide the grin on his face at their retort. “Please change. I wouldn’t ask normally, however I would rather you not be around my lech of a brother and Aphrodite in that.” The two of them would have a field day, and he doesn’t want to see what hells Hera would unleash on them if Zeus, inevitably, couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

[Y/N] huffed and went to change.

They would be late now, but that was his prerogative as the older brother. However, Hades would have to keep that outfit in mind for later. When they were alone. It really was a lovely little outfit.

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seafoamreadings · 9 months ago

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week of april 14th, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: you're on a post-eclipse wind-down. no matter what happened last week, although of course you must deal with it, i hope you are resting! the astrology is helpful with this - rest, nourish, it gives you strength.

taurus: mars sextiles jupiter and uranus in your sign, and meanwhile mercury in its retrograde conjoins your ruling planet venus. okay, mercury retrograde is not a crowd favorite. but overall this is auspicious for you; any change you need to make can be made. avoid grand actions, and actually avoid any action if possible, but make plans now to execute in a few weeks' time.

gemini: if you have been despondent or bummed out about mercury's retrograde, it does at least accomplish some nice little conjunctions. try to use the time well, even if it means spending a lot of time in your head. you don't have to go driving all around or sending a million emails to be productive.

cancerians: cardinal (especially aries) vibe rages on. but with that said it is a good time to beautify your public image. even if you don't go posting your headshots all over your linkedin or whatever, take a nice photo today, see how you feel. you can post it later or not. or now! or not. but at least see how it goes, or something similar if social media isn't pertinent to your social status.

leo: jupiter-uranus makes you a public persona. if you have wanted to develop an online presence, a political shift in the world, a legacy of any kind, sudden "viral" yet positive outbursts are likely for you around this week. you just have to give it the first little push.

virgo: although it is still a somewhat wild time it's actually a pretty sturdy period for virgoans, especially those with closer affinity to ceres than to mercury. if there is something you need to do or learn, it is a great time to lock in and get it done!

libra: venusian nodal activity means you're still not quite done with eclipse themes. hopefully that's not dreadful; hopefully it means great things are coming for you relationship-wise. there is also a jupiter-uranus conjunction in your 8th house, bringing positive changes to intimacy, magic, and/or shared resources.

scorpio: relationships are a very major focus at this time, with a lot of (mostly positive, try not to worry) changes but the end of the week also features a sun-pluto square in fixed signs. pluto is your ruling planet, but it is in aquarius at this moment. so these two bodies may well make a T-square to any natal scorpio points. it is uncomfortable but it brings about transformation, which in the end is kind of your whole deal.

sagittarius: the long-awaited jupiter-uranus conjunction happens in taurus this week. taurus is not a sign you are likely to feel much natural affinity or understanding with. but jupiter is your ruling planet - this is the biggest thing affecting you this week. try to live a little bit like a taurean, but one who embraces change and all the electricity alive in nature. be outside touching grass literally. the miracles then come easier.

capricorn: most modern astrology has you painted as something like a miser or suited up businessman but you're still the old god pan at heart. this week's jupiter-uranus conjunction brings that out of you - let it.

aquarius: even if you stay at home, the weirdness finds its way to you. so there's no need to alter your plans, although if you feel compelled to do so it won't hurt or keep opportunities away either. besides, weirdness has always suited you. this week's style of it is bold but benevolent. this is one of the last major uranian things of this uranus in taurus age, so enjoy it.

pisces: most of this week's events, large as they are, affect you only indirectly. have patience with others who are deeper in the trenches. not that compassion is any real difficulty for you. if you get the chance to volunteer to help someone it is good to take it.

#horoscopes #horoscope #weekly horoscopes #weekly horoscope #astrology #signs #zodiac #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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likealittleheartbeat · 1 year ago

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Why in the first season do we have the motif of Zuko stealing Katara’s mother’s betrothal necklace? Some point to a romantic subtext being read into this that, they argue, later gets ignored in order to prop up a problematic relationship for Katara with Aang, the protagonist. But if there’s subtext to be read in the theft of a betrothal token from a subjugated female by a male imperial representative, however, it’s the subtext of rape.

Why is it that it’s the women in the southern water tribe are gone? Ostensibly because they were the benders—but there’s a darker undertone, especially when we consider the clearly made analogy to indigenous peoples in North America, where even to this day native women are 2 times more likely to experience rape than those from other races. The fact that the necklace was her mother’s illustrates this legacy and connection, pointing us back to the original invasion of the tribe by the Fire nation, the attack on Katara’s mother by a single soldier inside their home (allowed in in order to protect Katara) and how Zuko’s actions at the beginning of the series echo it. This is not an auspicious place to begin a relationship if that’s what the writers were planning. Traditional enemies-to-lovers arcs usually involve prejudice but usually tied to pride, less so that kind of sexual violence. Despite Romeo and Juliet coming from warring families, it’s never implied that Romeo committed war crimes in the first act, especially not against the girl who falls for him, so we should perhaps be clued in that something different is going on in Katara and Zuko’s dynamic.

The intense rage, fear, and defense Katara puts up against Zuko in the finale of the first season (right after she has had to face the misogyny among her own people) is evocative of her response to his assaults throughout the first season. If this was not enough, we then have the rape of the moon spirit and the sacrifice of Yue for her people happening in the background, all pointing us back to the gendered violence of the empire Katara’s living under and fighting against. Her battle is not passionate because she secretly loves Zuko. She is doing everything within her power to protect herself and the spirit (literally the Avatar and figuratively within herself) that she has kept kindled despite the violent attempts to wipe it out—Zuko eventually prevails and steals a precious thing from her again…

When Katara and Zuko are imprisoned together during “The Crossroads of Destiny,” often seen as the peak of their romantic tension, they discuss their mothers, and Katara learns about the loss of Zuko’s mother (which we’re encouraged by the symbolism in the first season to read through the symbolic lens of gendered abuse and sexual violence, only now it’s domestic and internal rather than imperial). Zuko’s shift to a pitiable victim of abuse has softened his monstrous face for us, and the same happens to Katara in the catacombs, to the point where she’s willing to share a spiritual token with him.

It’s remarkable in the scene that, after being interrupted, there’s an effort made to remind the audience of Aang and Zuko’s continued antagonism—they glare at each other despite being in the embrace of the person who cares most about them in the world. And in the next scene, it’s revealed that Katara and Zuko’s reconciliation is actually not enough to transform Zuko’s loyalties. His desires for Aang and the redemption he can offer are too great.

In fact, throughout this couple of scenes, Zuko shows no interest in possessing or learning about Katara. She spouts off her grievances without his request, and then he shares his own loss only in defense to Katara's accusations and self-recognition in her stories, not as consolations for her pain. And Katara is moved by his vulnerability because she is so eager to see more evil within imperial power. She wants to hear the truth about how even those within it are injured. With all the feminine fantasy of being able to fix the behavior that toxic masculinity has induced, she suggests her spirit water might alleviate the scar Zuko bears--no forethought about preserving it for her own needs. Zuko doesn’t even request or accept the spirit water she offers him. It's all Katara. You'll be hard pressed to find a moment where Zuko expresses desire for Katara in this scene, a definite difference from his sexual aggression towards her in the first season. We as an audience are actually moved by his lack of desire her and what she has to offer because Katara is finally free from his predation (though it was only his initial violence that makes this neutral kind of freedom feel heartening).

The eventual gesture of Katara healing Zuko in “Sozin’s Comet” is free of his desire as well, unless you count the desire to protect a non-combatant, which has been Zuko’s reoccurring theme throughout the series, Katara or no (when he chooses the safety of his crew in "the storm," his advocacy for the lives of the fire nation soldiers that led him to banishment, etc.). The suggestion of rape arises here again with the penetrative nature of lightning, but the show has really complicated it’s gender dynamics by having Azula direct it, pointing to imperialism as the core concern rather than a simplified feminist reading. When Katara heals him, it's after she's cared for herself and defeated Azula now, and the words exchanged are "thank you," words of cordiality and comradery. They touch, but they are touches of equal counterparts rather than romance.

Reading romance into the simple refusal to commit colonial rape seems like a fairly low bar. This is neither what Katara nor Zuko are seeking out over the expanse of the series. They are looking for the transformative hope, action, and balance that the Avatar embodies, which, if anything allows them to stop fixating on each other and the dynamic of feminine colonized victim and masculine imperial patriarch that their world would have them locked into forever.

Aang does not go back in time to fix it all, but he brings an acceptance of reality that still allows for change. And this applies to the emotional states for the characters. Finding balance. Their griefs are not gone but not totalizing, either. They don't have to obsess or ruminate on it, or on the person who embodies the "problem" for them. The balance that the Avatar brings (and the fantasy that the show concludes with) is not a world in which the violence of colonialism never occurred but a world in which emotional release is possible from the intensifying dynamics colonialism forces its subjects into to sustain itself.

#atla meta #i actually started this meta as a piece about why katara and zuko are connected by and connect through aang #but didn't get around to finishing my other points #and this section just seemed so important #specifically the symbolism with the necklace that gets ignored while people discourse around a simple kiss in the third season #i just think this show goes sooo subtextually hard #and the subtext works so well because it points to these really important kinds of violence to acknowledge #without forcing us to watch yet another depiction of that violence occurring to marginalized characters #its acknowledgement and transformative possibilities at the same time #aanglove #aang #katara #zuko #dont come @ me z*tara shippers lol

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serpentface · 6 months ago

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what is the wardi zodiac system like? what's the worst and best signs, and how seriously do people take the stars youre born under?

Ok here's a full overview because I had this like 75% typed up already

The Wardi zodiac is a very direct interpretation of each constellation the sun passes through in its ecliptic over the course of the year. There is no attempt to divide these signs evenly throughout the year (as in the western zodiac), rather every single constellation the sun passes has its own zodiac sign (ie the sun only passes the tail of the Lion for about a week of the year, while the sun takes about a month to pass through the entirety of the Gull, making the former a significantly less common sign than the latter).

As such, there are 20 astrological signs in the base system (all of which are animals). Seven of the base signs correlate directly with the seven Faces of God (the zodiac system actually predated this religion, and some preexisting signs may have been retroactively modified to fit). All of these seven signs are considered auspicious and highly positive (though still ascribed some negative personality traits), and are seen as uniquely blessed by their respective Face.

One’s zodiac sign is assumed to be highly informative of their nature and personality. One’s birthsign is described as ‘(constellation)-born’, and the personality associated gains an epithet of ‘(constellation)-faced’. IE: Someone born under the sign of the ox is Ganops (ox-born), to have the personality associated is to be Ganmachen (ox-faced).

The faces associated with the birthsigns may be used as complimentary epithets in speech and verse when the sign is considered auspicious (ie “Lion-faced Faiza”/“Faiza odomachen”), or used disparagingly, especially “dog-faced” (chinmachen), a fairly common insult that describes someone as vicious and lowly.

A birthsign is taken very seriously within the Imperial Wardi cultural sphere, but does not necessarily have fundamental impact upon the average person's daily life. There can be social benefits and detriments associated- many people will want to avoid association with certain birthsigns, or will use them as a basis to judge character. Those in leadership positions may particularly benefit from having an auspicious sign or hiding an inauspicious one. If you exist in the public eye, your sign is extremely likely to come under scrutiny and invite judgments of character, or to add ammunition to other judgments (ie it is frequently noted when unpopular historical kings were dog-born).

They're also usually taken into account for marriage arrangements, as there are established senses of compatibility among the birthsigns. This is most prominent at levels of wealth where one can afford to be choosy about arrangements, but not so high that the arrangement itself is political in nature (thus superseding concerns about compatibility).

The most significance of one's birthsign in day to day life is in the context of astrology and of traditional medicine (a holistic practice that takes a variety of physical and spiritual factors into account). The position of the stars and other celestial bodies are considered to have very strong effects on the world and individuals, as an aspect of God's spirit and Its perpetual flow through the world (the Faces Mitlamache, Inyamache, and especially Kusomache preside most heavily over the movements of the heavens). The common person is unlikely to do a detailed consultation of the stars daily, but will often seek the services of an astrologer before making major moves or life changes, or to help identify sickness. Priests devoted to Kusomache are universally trained in astrology and often provide these services, as are most healers.

BASE ZODIAC SIGNS

Ox: An auspicious sign. Considered to be hardy in nature, patient, hard workers, slow to anger but dangerous when riled, blessed with natural physical strength. They are also regarded as exceedingly stubborn and prone to grudges. The constellation is seen as an ox kneeling at rest.

Lion: An auspicious sign. Considered to have excellent leadership qualities, a heroic and regal disposition, mental acuity, and blessed with natural talent as warriors. They may be overly proud and domineering, aggressive. The constellation is seen as a maned lion mid-stride.

Khait: An auspicious sign. Considered to have spirited personalities, a tendency towards romanticism, and blessed with natural athleticism and virility (in men) and susceptible to the influence of the sun. They are considered prone to over-competitiveness and lustfulness, chasing after whims. The constellation is seen as a leaping khait, with a bright red star as its eye.

Gull: An auspicious sign. Gull-born are considered worldly and knowledgeable, blessed with good fortune, but often somewhat foolish and slow to learn their lessons. The constellation is seen as a gull with its wings spread wide.

Serpent: An auspicious sign. Considered intelligent, quiet, philosophically inclined, good politicians and wise rulers, uniquely blessed with wisdom and uniquely susceptible to the influence of the traveling stars (planets, comets). They may also be conniving and prone to plotting, and make dangerous foes. The constellation is seen as a two-headed, coiling serpent.

Aurochs: An auspicious sign, distinct from ox-born but with some similar qualities. Considered are strong-natured, hard workers, and naturally inclined towards physical strength. They are also considered to be quick to rile and to have bad tempers. Believed to be blessed with especially good fertility and to be highly susceptible to the influence of the moons. The constellation is seen as a bull aurochs with lowered horns.

Duck: An auspicious sign. They are considered wise and thrifty, graciously mannered, excellent romantic partners and parents, blessed with fertility and beauty, but often disorganized and unreliable, naive. The constellation is seen as a duck upon the water.

Horse: Considered docile and nurturing, honest, drawn to poetry and art. They may be overly anxious and dependent on others, regarded as a feeble-natured sign. The constellation is seen as a grazing horse.

Hare: Considered to be cunning, independent, jovial and friendly, but cowardly and avoidant of consequences, lacking in proper respect. The constellation is seen as a running hare.

Dragon: A sign based off a legendary animal that flies and hunts in thunderstorms, with a beaked mouth, horns, the neck of a snake, and body of a hawk. Considered egotistical, demanding, and prone to mood swings, likely to lead a tempestuous life, but a good ally to compatible signs who can match their energy. The constellation is seen as a dragon in flight.

Dog: Usually considered an inauspicious sign. Dog-born have strength in cunning and loyalty, and are considered aggressive but cowardly, often foolish and greedy, lustful, unambitious. The constellation occurs at the foot of the Hunter constellation, identified as either a loyal hunting dog following its master or a lowly scavenger looking for scraps.

King Hyena: Somewhat inauspicious, but given many respectable qualities. They are considered to have powerful and commanding personalities and natural talent as warriors. They are characterized as tyrannical in positions of power and prone to theft, often untrustworthy, brutally pragmatic. The constellation is seen as a stalking king hyena, low to the ground.

Leviathan: Considered somewhat slow-natured and quiet, closed off in personality and difficult to know. The constellation is seen as a swimming leviathan.

Rat: A somewhat inauspicious sign. Considered to be clever and frugal, very sociable, good with business, but ascribed a ruthless low cunning and greediness. The constellation is seen as a rat standing on its hind legs.

Gazelle: Considered gentle natured, emotional, easily worried and pessimistic, avoidant of conflict. The constellation is seen as a leaping gazelle.

Polecat: Considered to have a brave yet foolhardy and carefree nature, often to their own detriment. The constellation is seen as a polecat in the act of the war dance.

Scorpion: A less auspicious counterpart to the serpent as having a potentially treacherous and duplicitous nature, but pragmatic and hardy, thoughtful and quiet. The constellation is seen as a scorpion with its tail arched.

Crow: Largely inauspicious, associated with crows as negative omens. Characterized as intelligent but with a low, cynical and opportunistic nature and a tendency to hold pointless grudges. The constellation is seen as two crows in flight.

Catfish: Considered to have a hardy, simple personality, great patience and wisdom. The constellation is seen as three catfish trapped in a dwindling pool, awaiting the rains.

Pheasant: Considered naturally beautiful, confident and self-assured, foolish and egotistical, prone to vanity. The constellation is seen as a pheasant with a trailing tail.

Main character birthsigns:

Palo: dragon

Tigran: hare

Couya: crow

Faiza: lion

Janeys: dog

Brakul: ox

Hibrides: catfish

#imperial wardin

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deus-ex-mona · 2 years ago

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let it be known that the first thing i did upon arrival was to get us onboard the ✨wrong train✨

#the trip’s off to an auspicious start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but it’s an express train so…… there goes most of the money on the transport cards lmao #b u t sichjszhhsjsxbhxhdhd t he train seats are actually really comfy~~~~~~~~~#i just hope we’ll be able to get to the hotel in one piece ig……..#inedible blubbering

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marta-diablo · 3 months ago

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Any small child catching sight of Noel Fielding of The Mighty Boosh in his clown gear would vow never to go to the circus again. Fielding’s torso is encased in a green felt globe, his hands protruding helplessly from the bottom. From beneath lurid make-up, he flashes a deeply unsettling grin, as if auditioning for the role of a psychopathic killer in Test Card: The Movie. “I’m just popping out for some coffee,” he deadpans. “Does anybody want anything?”

His Booshmate Julian Barratt, who currently looks like the victim of back-alley gender reassignment surgery, brushes his new blond tresses away from his face and sighs. “What a job, eh?”

When the duo decided to pose as the pair from the 1970s TV test card, it didn’t take long to decide who should play which part. If you want make-up and a manic grin, Fielding’s your man. He arrives at the studio resembling a time-travelling glam-rock star: pointy boots, snug red trousers, tight T-shirt, pendant shaped like a Flying Vee guitar, alarming bone structure. In one episode of their TV series, Barratt tells Fielding, “Look at you - feather cut, the pointy features. Put you in the 1950s, you’d be imprisoned for being a witch. They’d lock you in a trunk!” He’s probably right.

Barratt carries himself like someone trying to elude capture. It’s this wary unease that defined his performance as misanthropic style journalist Dan Ashcroft in Nathan Barley, Chris Morris’s Channel 4 comedy series. Morris wanted Dan to be someone who “wasn’t really comfortable in his skin”. I ask Barratt if Dan is a version of his own personality and he looks mildly wounded. “Not really, no. There were elements of me - it’s sometimes painful to be around people who are annoying - but Dan was a bit of a tit. I didn’t really like him.”

The Mighty Boosh have already completed two successful BBC series and are currently working on a third. Fielding, 33, thinks comedy is about allowing people to feel young again. “When you’re really laughing, you feel like a little kid and nothing matters. Everyone’s trying to feel as free as they were when they were kids.” Barratt, 38, seems to regard comedy’s inner workings as an imponderable mystery. “You still don’t know why you’re funny, do you?” Fielding says. “Not really,” Barratt sighs.

After almost a decade of working together, the pair are obviously close. When the camera’s not pointed in their direction, they huddle on the studio sofa in earnest conference punctuated by giggles. There is much to discuss: “We’ve got so many things we want to do and we need a basket to put them all in,” explains Barrett. “A structural basket.”

Fielding has a different metaphor. “We know when we’ve got enough ideas. If we haven’t and we try to write, it’s a bit weird. It’s like loading a gun and not having enough bullets.”

They first met in 1996, when Fielding went to see Barratt doing stand-up in High Wycombe. There had been less auspicious nights. Barratt recalls, “I ran off stage at my first gig. Halfway through it, I forgot my lines and didn’t know what to do, so I just ran out of the building down towards a lake. I was going to throw myself in, but the compere came out and said, 'No, it’s going well, come back and finish the gig!’ ”

The two share enthusiasms (Captain Beefheart, Monty Python, Mr Benn) and Barratt launched their collaboration by asking Fielding if he wanted to write the new Goodies. “We wanted to be a gang rather than a sketch troupe,” he says. From the start, their combination of absurdist wit, far-fetched narratives and bizarre musical interludes was the stuff of cult success. Audiences either entered their world and found them the funniest thing around, or they didn’t get them at all. “We used to have to convince people we were funny,” Barratt says, “and it didn’t always work.”

It did, however, work well enough to earn them nominations or awards at three consecutive Edinburgh festivals. A radio series followed and they finally made it to the nation’s TV screens in 2004. Earlier this year, they returned to touring. They get offers all the time, but having got this far on their own idiosyncratic terms, they have no desire to work according to anyone else’s.

“If Tim Burton called up and said, 'I’m making a film about two white Americans who go and become Red Indians’, I’m sure we’d jump at the chance,” Fielding says. “But if it’s, 'Do you want to be in this sitcom that’s a bit like Coupling?’ I’d rather shoot myself.”

When did you first find something really funny?

Noel Fielding: My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

Who are your comedy inspirations?

Julian Barrett: I loved the Goodies’ sense of adventure.

NF: The Young Ones was the first thing I really liked. I was so young I didn’t really know what students were. I just thought they were some men who lived in a house.

What’s not funny?

JB: Cancer?

NF: It can be, though, can’t it?

JB: Yeah, sometimes a tumour will make me laugh.

When did you last laugh?

NF: I laugh all the time. I’m slightly simple. I went to a festival in Cambridge last weekend and there were men standing on a wheelchair and getting their friends to push them down a muddy hill and really hurting themselves. One of them had a fur coat, a dress underneath, massive boots and a witch’s hat. It was so stupid that everyone was laughing at them. It was quite freeing, actually.

What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?

NF: Once I got stuck in a suit of armour. I had to be a knight in Al Murray’s show for two minutes. I had a gig afterwards and there was no one there backstage, so I couldn’t get out of it. I had to run next door and do the gig in a suit of armour. Al thought it was the best thing ever. “You should do that every night! It’s brilliant!” he said.

What’s the secret of comedy?

JB: The secret of comedy is don’t grow up. That’s why some comedians are a nightmare, because they never grow up.

Tell us a joke

NF: You stop hearing proper jokes when you’re a comedian. I’m always slightly disappointed by real jokes. There’s a lot of pressure to understand them and laugh at them. Occasionally we come up with a proper joke by accident and we almost apologise.

· The Mighty Boosh debut live DVD is released on November 13.

#Noel Fielding #Julian Barratt #old article

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