#august is gonna be wild im so ready | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nbrook29 · 3 years ago

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robbe 1️⃣8️⃣

Warning: This is smutty, proceed with caution if it’s not your jam ;)

ao3

If anybody asked Robbe, bad weather in the summer should be illegal. Because what the hell? He needs sun rays and blue sky like he needs oxygen, he wants 30+ degrees temperatures and not a single cloud above, and he always welcomes it with all the small inconveniences it brings along, like clammy skin mere minutes after showering or freckles covering his nose and arms. So when it’s August and it’s raining, sorry, pouring buckets, sue him if he turns into a whiny mess for a bit. That’s just who he is.

Or, that’s who he was. Because right now, lying on a soft cloud-like throw blanket in a not-his t-shirt and sweatpants, head a mess of wild damp curls, fuzzy socks on his feet tangled with another pair, he’s feeling pretty good.

Even though the original scenario for his birthday was supposed to be different.

It all started at 12:00 am sharp with a dorky text from Sander because of course it did.

Sander: Hey there you sexy thing

Heard you're legal now 👅

Robbe: Omg sander 🙈

Sander: Yes, that's what you'll be screaming today during our own little celebration 😈

Robbe almost spat out the water he was drinking, face burning hot as he tried to assess whether anybody was paying him any attention.

Robbe: SHSHDHSHSJSJS STOP

Sander: I'll do that thing you like 😏👅

Robbe: IM WITH MY PARENTS DICKHEAD

Sander: Am I bothering you cutie? 😏

Robbe: Yessssss 😩 my face is all red they're gonna know what's up

Sander: I think *I* know what is up 😏🍆

Robbe: 🤣 GO COOL OFF

Sander: Hehe

No but for real now

Happy birthday! 🥰🥳😘❤🎂

I love you SO much ❤❤❤💯

Robbe: Thank youuuu baby 😊😘

Sander: Can't believe you're an adult *wipes a tear*

You'll always be my baby tho ❤

Robbe: Haha yes ❤❤

Sander: I'll be waiting for you at 4 pm

Robbe: But where??

Sander: 😌

Robbe: Sanderrr tell me

Sander: Nope

Goodnight 😌

Sander absolutely loves to tease him and keep him at the edge of the seat which is why he told him the place only half an hour before their meeting, for which Robbe intended to tell him off. That is until he actually got to Park Spoor Noord and saw his boyfriend lounging on grass, blanket underneath him, surrounded by Robbe’s favorite food and wearing the most charming smile as soon as their eyes met.

And he got him a sunflower. A sunflower. How cute is that?

Needless to say, there was no telling off, Robbe didn’t exactly find time for it between kisses and laughs and Sander feeding him croques and fries and cupcakes (which Sander baked and decorated himself, swearing for dear life the small thingies made from frosting on top were not dicks, but Robbe knows him too well to believe him).

And then all hell broke loose and the storm that had been loudly talked about in the media came to Antwerp and made a puddle out of the two of them.

They looked really miserable, but somehow Robbe couldn’t care less as they were running to Sander’s house holding hands, water in their shoes, the sunflower cradled carefully underneath his shirt, huge smiles on their faces as they finally got there, tripping in their haste to get inside.

The hot shower that followed next and Sander taking the lead oh so well will definitely rank in the top 5 moments of Robbe’s life. He’s very grateful Sander’s parents are on holiday in London because he’s not sure he’d ever be able to look them in the eyes otherwise.

Afterwards, Sander made them ice coffee and handed Robbe his real gift which turned out to be a long weekend in Paris a week from now, shutting him up with a kiss when Robbe was about to protest and complain about it being too expensive.

Since the concert they were supposed to go to was canceled due to poor weather conditions, they resorted to eating cake in Sander’s bed and watching the show Robbe had been talking about for weeks now. Sander, being the thoughtful and amazing boyfriend that he is, graciously agreed to Robbe’s birthday wish and sat him down between his legs, kissed the side of his face, brought his laptop closer and pressed play, as Robbe made himself comfy in his arms, the smile that originated at midnight not slipping off even for a second.

***

Another thunder strikes the night sky and Robbe jumps involuntarily, only a little, more from shock than actual fear, but it doesn’t stop Sander from tightening his arms around him, lips grazing delicately the lobe of his ear.

“Don’t worry, Robin, I will protect you,” he whispers with a teasing note in his voice, grunting when a well-aimed elbow meets his side.

“Shut up, I’m not scared.”

Sander’s only reply is a low chuckle and a kiss on that sweet spot under Robbe’s ear that never fails to send a shiver down his spine. Without barely having to move at all considering how close they are, he tilts his head and noses along Sander’s defined jaw, leaving a peck or two on his cheek.

“Now shush, I can’t focus.” He unceremoniously turns away from Sander’s searching lips, a sly grin on his face when he hears an affronted huff.

“Oh I see how it is, you-”

“Shhhh, Wille is talking.”

Robbe loves to be a little shit sometimes, especially if he wants to get a certain reaction from his huffy other half.

“Look how cute he is.” He has to press his lips hard to keep the giggle in when Sander whines in protest.

“Stoooop, why are you being mean to me.” He now has a full-blown pout on his face. “Jerk.”

The laughter finally comes out and Robbe pauses the show, cooing at Sander’s little frowny face and brushing the runaway strands away from his forehead, leaning up to press a kiss there too.

“It’s okay, I still think you’re the cutest prince in the entire kingdom.” He runs a thumb over his jutting lower lip, kissing it once, twice, three times, until the corners of Sander’s mouth pull up.

“Whatever. Simon is cuter than the other one anyway.”

Robbe grins cheekily. “You just think that because he has curly hair like me.” Sander’s jaw drops at that.

“Wow,” he exclaims, voice faux-scandalous as he shakes his head at Robbe. “Someone’s cocky today.”

“It’s my birthday so it’s allowed.” Winking at him obnoxiously, he turns back to the screen, hands reaching for Sander’s arms to wrap them around himself again as he settles in his embrace with a content sigh before pressing play.

Sander’s quiet behind him for a second, and then his lips touch his ear again, tongue slightly peeking out to play and lick the shell of his ear with just the tip, hot air hitting Robbe’s skin turning his insides into mush, butchering his focus again just as Sander purrs, “I think it’s hot when you’re like that.”

There’s something important happening on screen, but Robbe can’t make any sense of the subtitles because Sander’s lips continue their path down the column of his throat, stopping for a second to suck a kiss in the middle, killing any rational thought Robbe might have had. His hand rushes to Sander’s head to keep him there without his permission, eyes closing as he sighs when the kiss turns into licks and nips to the thin skin.

“Do you think he could kiss you and touch you like that?”

The question breaks the fog in Robbe’s brain for a second, and he barks a laugh at the slight possessiveness in Sander’s voice that’s poorly hidden under a joking tone.

“Like what?” He presses, excitement bubbling in his stomach when one of Sander’s hands sneaks underneath his t-shirt, fingers grazing the skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake as they finally reach the place Robbe needs them most.

“Like that.” He flicks his nipple with those black-polish covered nails of his that make him look so hot Robbe’s head spins. “For starters.” He keeps it up, tugging and pinching unhurriedly, with a dirty smirk growing on his face that Robbe can just feel on his collarbone, and he pulls on his hair as he arches his back a little, seeking more of those skillful fingers.

With his hooded eyes, he can see Sander closing the laptop and putting it away quickly before his other hand joins in the fun, a featherlight touch to the growing bulge in his sweatpants, nothing more than teasing for now.

When Sander’s teeth tug at his earring, Robbe lets out a frustrated whine because it’s too much and not enough at the same time, and his boyfriend reads him like a book because he pulls the t-shirt off him to gain full access, mouth latching on his neglected nipple just as his hand dives inside his pants. It doesn’t grant him any relief though, bypassing his dick completely and traveling lower, caressing the soft skin, one finger running back and forth without reaching any further, and Robbe grabs Sander’s thigh in desperation.

“Sander...”

“You didn’t answer me,” Sander whispers in a sweet sweet voice.

“Whaa?” It takes a second for Robbe to understand what he’s asking and he would laugh if his body wasn’t on fire, Sander playing him like a violin.

Also, this playful possessiveness is getting to him, whether he likes it or not.

He does though. Like it.

Oh fuck, he likes it so much.

“Tell me, baby,” Sander breathes into his mouth as he reaches for something Robbe doesn’t see, and he can hear in his voice how it affects him too, can feel him against his lower back, rubbing himself off with minuscule moves, clearly struggling to hold back.

“You, just you-, fuuuuck,” Robbe’s cut off when two lubed fingers press inside him at the confession, back arching slightly, the feeling so intense he keens and searches blindly for Sander’s lips. Thankfully, Sander doesn’t waste any time and plunges his tongue inside his mouth, swallowing the little whines that escape them with each twist of his fingers.

The rocking behind him gets faster and this is not how Robbe wants this to end so he breaks the kiss, ignoring Sander’s protests as he pulls away from him, only to pull his pants off completely, green eyes following his every move like he’s ready to pounce, and the need inside Robbe’s stomach only grows. He tugs impatiently at Sander’s sweatpants, biting his lip when his hard cock slaps his abdomen, the smirk dancing on Sander’s lips at his reaction liquefying his insides and he crawls closer to him, needing his touch to ground him.

“You’re still good to go?” He loves how even when it’s hot and heavy Sander still remembers to check in with him.

“Uh-huh,” is the only thing he can come up with now, especially when Sander’s hand settles on his hip bringing them so close there’s no space left between them, guiding his movements just like Robbe likes. He kisses his glistening neck, licking the sweat of his body as Robbe reaches behind to position his slick cock at his entrance, forehead resting against Sander’s as he sinks down fast.

He gasps at the feeling of fullness because it’s always a lot, but Sander’s hands are always there, brushing his sides in a comforting motion, even when his own body is probably screaming at him to move.

“Happy birthday to me,” Robbe lets out a shaky chuckle that ends up in a gasp when Sander laughs too and involuntarily moves inside him. He’s quick to lick into his lips and distract him from the momentary discomfort, and once he’s done with him, the overwhelming need is back double force.

Sander notices right away, guiding Robbe’s hips to keep grinding for a while before planting his feet on the bed and holding them in place giving several hard jabs that make Robbe hide his face in his neck, cries leaving his mouth with each thrust.

“Like that?”

Robbe just nods helplessly, mouth leaving a wet trail on his skin, but Sander doesn’t seem to mind because he continues his pace, completely taking over once Robbe’s thighs give out and turning him into a mess.

“You’re so hot like this, fuck.” The strain in Sander’s voice tells him he’s getting close so he goes back to bouncing, meeting him in the middle, and it only takes a minute for things to become too much, Sander’s uncoordinated jerks when he’s coming triggering Robbe’s orgasm too.

They stay like that, cooling off while kissing lazily, tongues sliding against each other, but without a rush for now.

Sander pulls back first, their lips smacking when they disconnect. "I'm sorry today didn't work out." Scrunching up his face, he reaches to comb through Robbe's hair consolingly. He leans into the touch before cuddling even closer, seeking warmth when the cold air makes goosebumps appear on his heated skin.

"But I loved today, really. We can go to a concert another time." He kisses the underside of his jaw, sighing dreamily. "And I can't wait for Paris with you."

#wtfock #not my best work in a long shot #im sorry robbe :(#you deserve better

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kaunis-sielu · 3 years ago

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What’s Next: 10

This fic requires YOUR help. For your vote to count please send it as an ASK

Send in your vote by August 7

———————————————————————

Oh Bucky I’m so sorry! I’m didn’t realize this trip was going to be so long. Can we do next Friday? You text back your heart in your throat. How could you be so forgetful?

It’s okay Sugar. Next Friday. :)

You let out a sigh of relief. Hoping that the smile really means he’s not too upset with you. You call Hope, and suddenly you find yourself spilling everything.

You tell her about how you’re on this trip with Steve, but you also have a date planned with Bucky and how you’re crazy about him. You’re also crazy about Steve, he’s so handsome and charming and when he kisses you it’s like, you’re the only person in the world. Bucky is your wild side. Steve your peace.

“Wow.” Hope days after you finish blurting everything out.

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Hell if I know.” You grumble and she chuckles lightly. “Even worse, I think they might know one another.”

“What?”

“Steve mentioned his best friend Bucky at dinner. How many guys do you know nicknamed Bucky?”

“Oh boy. You better figure shit out.”

“Wow Hope. You’re so helpful.” You grumble and she snickers. “I gotta get back inside, I’ll talk to you later okay?”

“Have fun.”

“Yea bye.” You hang up, shove your phone in your pocket then head back into the hotel room where Steve is ironing a shirt in a pair of sweatpants and a tee.

“All good?” He asks glancing up at you.

“Yea, Hope has been convinced that I’m alive and you’re not holding me against my will.” He laughs softly as you lock the door behind you.

“Good. Are you going to stay the whole weekend?”

“If that’s alright.”

“Of course.” He assures you, “I do have to warn you. We only have one bed.”

“Oh darn.” You grumble and he laughs again, “I’m fine with it if you are.”

“Fine with me Doll.” You change into your pajamas then join him back out in the living room.

The two of you hang out and chat well into the night. He’s so easy to talk to that you don’t realize how tired you are until he goes to hang up his freshly ironed suit.

“Come on Doll, let’s go to bed.” He says softly his hand warm on yours. You follow him sleepily to the bedroom and then into the bed.

“Doll I gotta go.” Steve says softly the next morning. When you open your eyes you see he’s already dressed and ready to go. “I left you Happy’s number, don’t hesitate to text him to go places okay? I’d prefer it, safer than you wandering around alone.”

“Okay.” You agree, “what time will you be back?”

“Around three. Dinner is at 7 but happy hour starts at 5:30.”

“So be back and ready to go by 5?”

“Yea.” He presses a quick kiss to your lips then shoots you a wink. “See ya later Doll.”

You fall back asleep for a couple hours then get ready for the day. You text Happy and ask if he can take you downtown for some shopping and he agrees. You meet him in the lobby then he takes you downtown.

Happy doesn’t leave your side all day, except for when you’re trying on different outfits at Mantis. He doesn’t say much but after a small amount of begging he does help you pick out a dress. It’s another black dress, it falls to your knees with a plunge neck, there black mesh in the plunge to help keep it less risqué and the back has a long exposed zipper. You have enough left on the card that Steve gave you to buy a pair of Mantis shoes too, they’ve got these super cute sandals that are also black and zip around your ankles then cover part of your foot but not your toes. They’re surprisingly comfortable.

“Steve texted me with one more stop.” He stops across from a men’s clothing store, “you can stay in the car, I’ll just be a minute.” Sure enough he comes back out of the store with a bag and climbs in before driving back to the hotel.

“Thanks for bringing me today Happy.” You tell him when he lets you out of the car.

“Not like you were a challenge.” He says gruffly but you take it like the compliment that you know it’s meant to be.

You start getting ready before Steve gets back so that you’re sure you’re ready to go when he gets here.

Sure enough, you’re putting on your shoes when he walks in. Steve stops dead in the doorway when he sees you.

“Damn,” he breathes, “you look incredible.”

“Thank you. You bought it.”

“I’ve got something else for you too.” You purse your lips at him and he laughs, “Don’t look at me like that. I told you I was gonna spoil you.” He pulls a box out from behind him then opens it. Inside is a set, a pearl necklace hanging from a diamond and silver piece and a pair of pearl earring.

“No, absolutely not.”

“Doll-“

“No.” You tell him taking a half step away from him. He’s spoiled you enough on this trip but a pearl and diamond necklace and a pair of diamond earrings is too much.

“Well, I can’t wear them and I can’t return them.”

“Why can’t you return them?”

“They were a gift from the client I’ve been wooing.” You look at him suspiciously. “They asked what you might like and I picked this.”

“Why would they give me something to wear?”

“They found out you were here, one of the partners was at Gamora’s, and assumed you were my wife.”

“What did you tell them?”

“That you were my girlfriend, I know we haven’t talked about it but I like you. A lot. And I’m hoping you feel the same, if ya don’t it’s fine.”

“I like you too. I just, I don’t know if I’m ready to be exclusive yet.”

“That’s fine Doll. I can go your pace. I’d still like it if you wore the jewelry. I’ll take it back after the party if you want.”

So, what do you do? Do you wear the jewelry or not?

SEND IN YOUR VOTE BY ASK OR IT WILL NOT BE COUNTED

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 4 years ago

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Eccentricity [Chapter 6: You Know You Got Me In The Palm Of Your Hand]

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: Mean It by Lauv.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sex and violence, slavery in American history.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Tagging: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @writerxinthedark @maggieroseevans @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye @some-major-ishues @haileymorelikestupid @loveandbeloved29

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! 💜

What The Fuck, Washington Animals Are Weird

I woke up in a bedroom drenched in a rainbow of darkness, shades of grey vacillating from charcoal to the wings of a mourning dove; indolent dawn rain pattered against the window. There were no glaring veins of sunlight spilling in through gaps in the curtains, no promise of dry invigorating heat, no whistle of vicious parched wind. Toto, we’re not in Phoenix anymore.

“Ugh,” I complained to the empty room, unraveling from a tangle of blankets patterned with cacti and pure white clouds and rust-orange suns.

I clicked off my iPhone alarm—I’d beaten it by two minutes; my circadian rhythm was finally conceding that this whole Pacific Time thing was permanent—and read my nine new texts from Joe.

3:12 a.m.: Hey it’s an emergency what’s the plural of octopus

3:13 a.m.: Rami is insisting that it is octopuses

3:14 a.m.: But it’s octopi, right? Right?? I just announced in front of everyone that it’s octopi

3:15 a.m.: Scarlett is verbally abusing me

3:18 a.m.: Oh you are probably asleep

3:21 a.m.: Update, according to the internet Rami is right and now I have to assume a new identity and move to Antarctica

3:25 a.m.: We can discuss logistics of the Antarctica relocation tomorrow

3:26 a.m.: Hope you like penguins

3:30 a.m.: Okay goodnight!! Don’t let the mythical creatures bite!!

“That man,” I murmured to myself, smiling.

I typed out: It’s definitely octopuses, you clown. Then I deleted ‘clown’ and replaced it with its Italian equivalent: pagliaccio. Text sent.

Joe responded almost instantly. I had to ask Lucy what pagliaccio meant and now she’s verbally abusing me too. Send help. See you at lunch. xx

Wait, two Xs? What did Xs mean?? Kisses???

Did Joseph Francis Mazzello, sexy undead Italian man, just send me multiple text kisses?

“You’re gonna give me an aneurism, Chicago boy,” I muttered at my phone as I slid it into the pocket of my flannel pajama pants. And then I glanced out the bedroom window into a tussle of rain and thick, caliginous fog.

Just a few feet beyond the misted glass, its leathery talons hooked around a branch of Charlie’s decades-old red alder tree, was an owl. But not just any owl. A hulking, spotlessly white owl.

“Oh, hey, you,” I whispered, leaning closer, pressing my palms against the cold window. My hands left transparent imprints in the condensation. “Hey, buddy. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping? I sure wish I was. Did something wake you up? Did your idiot vampire boyfriend disturb you with a series of ridiculous texts?”

The owl just contemplated me with unnervingly vast, slick, engrossed eyes. And there was something else, too: those eyes were blood red.

“So you’re an albino owl, huh big guy? Good for you. You know, usually albino animals don’t last all that long in the wild. Because they’re really easy for predators and prey to spot. Or they get skin cancer. So congratulations on living to become the voluptuous, tremendously creepy creature that you are today. Job well done.”

The owl stared back at me unflinchingly, blinked, then resumed staring. Rainwater gathered in swelling beads like blood drops on its ivory-colored beak and talons.

“Well,” I noted, turning away and grabbing my shower towel off the back of the desk chair. “You don’t get that in Arizona.”

Thirty minutes later, I was bounding down the stairs two at a time to meet Charlie in the kitchen. He was browsing through his daily newspaper at the table, drinking coffee and nibbling messily on burnt triangles of toast. Crumbs littered his moustache.

“You didn’t tell me that living here came with the added benefit of freaky albino animal friends.”

Charlie crinkled his forehead at me. “Huh?”

“How was bowling with the dads last night?”

“Oh, awesome!” he exclaimed, folding up his newspaper and slapping it down on the table. “We bowled against the team from Mora and it came right down to the wire, but we caught them. Dr. Lee got a strike on his very last turn. He always seems to do that...he’ll be bowling hit or miss all night and then when it really matters he manages to pull a strike out of nowhere. He’s a beast.”

“He’s a pretty remarkable guy,” I agreed, rummaging through the cabinets for Pop-Tarts.

“He mentioned that you and his son were really hitting it off,” Charlie said, grinning. “Not the ragey blond one. The spindly annoying one. What’s his name again? Josh? Jimmy?”

“Joe.” I conjured up my best poker face of lofty indifference. It crumbled like a sandcastle beneath reckless, rushing footsteps.

“Ohhhh, I saw that!” Charlie said, pointing, delighted. “Check out that smile. My gorgeous, brilliant progeny has a crush. I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t be single for long up here. Alright, I’m ready. Bring on the grandchildren.”

“Shut up,” I pleaded good-naturedly.

“Relax, I have great news. According to Gwil, that Joe kid is pretty wild about you too.”

“Oh, is that what you old guys do between bowling turns? Betray your children’s deepest confidences? Matchmake them over nachos and chili cheese dogs?” Still, my curiosity was piqued. “What else did Dr. Lee say about Joe?”

“I think the exact word he used was...” Charlie reminisced, sipping his coffee, curls of steam pouring over the rim of the mug. “Smitten.”

Supernatural Pictionary

I turned the notebook to Joe so he could see; everyone else momentarily covered their eyes or looked away. Then Lucy started the timer on her iPhone. Thirty seconds.

“Go!” Lucy announced.

“I think it’s a boat,” Rami said, hesitantly, haltingly, squinting at Joe with great concentration.

“Do you?” Joe teased.

“Yeah. But I’m also getting something about a fish.”

“Maybe I’m trying to make you think it’s a fish because it’s actually a boat,” Joe replied flippantly.

Rami muttered: “Or you want me to think it’s a boat because it’s actually a fish.”

“Interesting.”

“Now you’re mentally singing Never Gonna Give You Up just to fuck with me.”

Joe gasped, pressing a palm to his chest. “That doesn’t sound like something I would do!”

Scarlett snickered, dunking her chicken tender in honey mustard, slurping Coke through a straw clenched between crimson-painted lips. “That sounds exactly like something you would do.”

“Fifteen seconds,” Lucy warned.

“Fish or boat, boat or fish...” Rami chanted, peering fixedly at Joe.

“Make a decision,” I taunted, hugging the notebook to my chest.

“I’m going with boat,” Rami decided.

“Final answer?” Lucy asked, then stopped the timer when Rami nodded.

“Loser!” Joe cackled victoriously, leaping out of his chair, waving his L-shaped fingers in the air. Calawah University students at nearby tables glanced over with wide, startled eyes, their beloved chicken tenders briefly forgotten. “How’s it feel to not win every round of a game, huh?! Loser!”

I flipped my notebook so Rami could see the extremely unskilled pencil sketch I’d drawn there: a smiling fish. “My condolences.”

“Damn.” Rami pulled a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet and slid it across the table to Joe. Joe snatched it up, tucked it into the waistline of his jeans like a stripper collecting money in her G-string, and slung his arm around my shoulders.

“We are the champions. Bask in our glory.”

Scarlett turned on her iPhone flashlight and waved it in slow arcs over her head. “Youuuuu are the champions, my friendssssss...”

From my usual lunch table, Jessica gazed at my esteemed place among the Lees with palpable envy, resting her chin in her hands. I had worked out a schedule that seemed fairly obvious given my extensive experience as a child of divorce: lunch with Jessica et al. one day, lunch with the Lees the next. I took a bite of the Chipotle veggie bowl that Joe had insisted on ordering for me and tossed Jessica a sympathetic wave. Get Ben’s Snapchat for me! she mouthed back. I harbored serious doubts that Benjamin August Hardy, former professional assassin, born in 1893, had a Snapchat.

Joe’s words from last week rolled around in my head; I could see him all over again, nodding to the enormous painting hung in Gwil’s upstairs office, telling me about those startling, ethereal figures who had initiated Ben into life as a vampire. They call themselves the Draghi. They collect dues from covens, offer protection, keep order, protect our secrets. But they also demand loyalty. They force people they want into service. They might try to make it seem like you have a choice, but you don’t. They destroy anyone who tries to resist them. And they feed on humans.

“This is so awesome,” Lucy sighed, elated. “We could never play Pictionary before, drawing something is way too much of a mental process, Rami always figured it out right away...”

But now they had a built-in blindfold, someone who could draw without Rami getting a peek into their thoughts, a fighting chance at hiding the truth from him...for thirty seconds, at least.

“Okay Benny Boy, you’re up.” Joe darted over to Ben’s side of the table and massaged his tense, muscular shoulders as Ben grimaced. “You got this. I believe in you. Baby Swan is gonna pitch you a home run.”

“I’ll pass,” Ben said.

“You can’t!” Lucy cried. “Ben, please? Rami got Scarlett’s, and then he didn’t get Joe’s...and I know he’s going to see though me immediately. You’re our only chance to tie things up and maybe beat him!”

“Traitor,” Rami told Lucy affectionately.

“Uhh...” Ben hesitated, glimpsing longingly at the doors that led outside to the grove of bigleaf maple trees. He was fidgeting restlessly with his vape pen.

“Come on, Benny!” Joe begged. “I’ll owe you. I’ll do anything.”

Ben perked up a little bit. “You’ll do my Calc 2 homework for a month?”

Joe groaned theatrically, but nodded. He was wearing a grey U Chicago hoodie today. “Fine. Okay. But you’re gonna have to learn that shit eventually, I can’t take the MCAT for you.”

“Deal.” Ben bumped his knuckles against Joe’s.

“Batter up,” Joe heralded in his best mock-umpire voice, grinning at me expectantly, drumming the table with his palms. “Go Baby Swan, go! What will she choose? Will she continue with the nautical theme? Will she change it up, maybe switch to beloved Chicago landmarks? Baseball or food? Will she invent a variety of pizza even more despicable than pineapple?”

“Hm.” I flipped to a fresh notebook page, scratched my temple with the eraser end of the pencil, then quickly sketched a picture for Ben. “Okay, I’m ready.” I showed the drawing to Ben while everyone else covered their eyes.

Ben shook his head, scowling. “You’ll have to try again. I have no idea what that is.”

“Really?!” I checked the picture again. Okay, it definitely didn’t belong in the Louvre or anything, but it was lifelike enough to be decipherable. “You don’t recognize it? At all?”

“No,” Ben replied flatly.

From behind his shielded eyes, Rami scanned through the images in Ben’s mind. He dropped his hands onto the table. “SpongeBob?!”

“Who...?” Ben ventured.

Everyone else looked too. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely SpongeBob,” Joe said, then chuckled. “Aww, Baby Swan, you even remembered his little necktie!”

“It’s so cute!” Lucy trilled.

Ben just stared at the picture, blinking, completely lost, increasingly morose. And now there was a new guest at the table; or maybe not a new one, maybe just a quiet one, something that perched on the ledge of every conversation and field of vision just waiting to tap its claws against the wall and make its presence known: that interminable reminder of Ben’s unconventional past life, of how incomparable his vampiric upbringing was to those of the rest of the Lee kids.

“Benny Boy, you’ve never seen SpongeBob?” Joe inquired gently. “No problem. We’ll have a marathon tonight. I have the entire series on DVD. Also several Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures.”

Scarlett snorted. “This is why you’ve been single since Hoover was president.”

“I wasn’t single the whole time,” Joe corrected.

“Oh, really?” Not that I’m interested, my voice suggested. I was a total liar. I was super interested. Thank the great deity that Rami and Ben couldn’t read me like a restaurant menu. Today’s specials are Being In Love With Someone Wildly Inappropriate for $15.99, and also Lamenting My Own Lack Of Sexual Experience for $11.99. Oh, and clam chowder.

“He had a couple of...what would you call them?” Scarlett combed her elegant fingers through her voluminous blonde hair. “What’s the modern vernacular? Fuck buddies? Booty calls? Netflix and chill partners?”

My stomach lurched; I nonchalantly buried my fork in a mountain of guacamole and left it there. I kept my lips turned up into a smile like a mask. Of course he’s loved other people. Duh. He’s hot and immortal. Get over it. But that didn’t calm my pounding heartbeat at all, didn’t soothe that sudden and irrational melancholy.

“Whoa whoa whoa, okay, you’re making it sound way worse than it was,” Joe protested, glancing at me nervously.

Scarlett continued: “It wasn’t serious, whatever it was. None of them would have cared about your action figure collection or obsession with a city you haven’t lived in for fifty years. It wasn’t your personality they wanted. Thank god.”

Oh this is bad, I thought helplessly. How am I ever going to be able to compete with the memory of countless gorgeous vampire girlfriends?

“Uh, ScarJo, you’re single too.” And Joe’s nickname for her was strangely apt; Scarlett could pass for Scarlett Johansson’s younger, blonder, much hotter sister. And Scarlett Johansson, in case you’re somehow unaware, is already pretty fucking hot.

Scarlett flashed a grin. “Entirely by choice.”

“And much to Mercy’s eternal and profound concern,” Lucy told me. “She stages an intervention at least twice a month. Did I overhear one last week, Scarlett?”

“Oh jesus, yeah. I was like, ‘Mom, what the hell do I need a husband for? I have my own money. I can fix household appliances. I have a vibrator. I’m good to go.’”

Joe rocked back in his chair, howling. “You did not tell Mom that!”

“I did. She was so distraught. She just kind of pinched her eyes shut and shuddered and then went out back to feed the alpacas.”

“Scarlett, babe,” Rami managed between gales of laughter. “A vibrator isn’t going to keep you company for all of eternity. It’s not a suitable substitute for a life partner.”

“You’re right. It’s even better. It’ll never abandon or disappoint me. Assuming I keep the batteries fresh, of course.”

“Oh my god,” Lucy giggled into her hands.

“She’s not wrong,” I said, shrugging, sipping my Diet Coke.

And Joe peered over at me, surprised, intrigued, slowly raising his thin dark eyebrows. I winked back. Yeah, okay, I’ve never slept with someone. But that doesn’t mean I’ve never had an orgasm.

“Ah, loud thoughts! Loud thoughts! Joe, please!” Rami moaned, pressing his balled fists to his forehead.

Ben smirked. “There’s a color I’ve never seen from you before, Joe.”

“This family is the worst!” Joe exploded.

“I like that girl,” Scarlett decided, signaling to me with glossy maroon fingernails. “She can stay.”

Joe sighed, flustered, then shook it off as he turned to me. “You coming over tonight?”

“I can’t spend every night at your house petting alpacas, mob guy.”

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling, draping his arm around the back of my chair. “Why not?”

“Well, my tonight-specific reason is that I’m visiting a friend.”

“Cool. Your friends are my friends. Can I visit too?”

“You’re aware that you’re a legit stalker, right?” But actually, Archer was dying to meet Joe: the loud Lee, the approachable Lee, the Lee who I definitely liked more than a Tinder swipe could ever convey. This could work. “Offer to buy dinner and you can come.”

“I’m a walking Visa, baby.”

Ben stood, hauled on his backpack, gathered up his trash to throw away. “I need a smoke break before Chem. See you guys later.”

“Don’t forget!” Joe called after him. “SpongeBob marathon starts at 8! I’ll bring the Milk Duds!”

And when Ben disappeared through the doors, a solemn hush descended over the table.

“Poor guy,” Lucy said softly. The other Lees nodded.

And again, I recalled what Joe had told me in Gwil’s office, what he had said when I asked how Ben came to join the Lee family. He was assigned to us, to be the liaison to our coven. And Gwil saw something in him. Potential, suffering, unrealized decency, I don’t know. But Gwil worked on him for years, trying to convince Ben to leave the Draghi when his contract was up and come live with us. To give a peaceful life a try. And to be honest, Ben never seemed interested. But something must have resonated with him, because we opened the front door on October 15th, 2016 and he was sitting on the steps of our porch with a single suitcase, puffing on that fucking vape pen and watching the storm clouds roll in off the Pacific Ocean.

But why would they just let him leave? I had asked, tracing my fingertips over the uncanny and magnificent faces in that painting. Why would they let him live?

Because they know how valuable he is. And because they think they can get him back.

“I think he’s a good person,” I said, breaking the silence. “You know. Underneath the whole being raised to be a killing machine thing.”

“Yeah,” Rami replied, frowning thoughtfully. “Just try not to spend too much time alone with him.”

Car Jacks And Sneak Attacks

“Joe, this is Archer James Foxchild, my first-ever best friend.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Joe said, shaking Archer’s oil-stained hand. “I understand you are really good at making mud pies and poking dead animals with sticks.”

Archer chuckled. “It’s true. We found a shark tooth down at La Push one time and I convinced Baby Swan here that it was from a sea monster. She had nightmares for months. Charlie called my dad over it and I got my Game Boy taken away.”

“No!” Joe gasped in horror. “Were you a Pokémon guy?”

“For sure.”

“Ruby or Sapphire?”

“Emerald.”

Joe grinned. “This dude knows what’s up.”

“And to think, my grandpa tried to tell me that you guys were freaks,” Archer replied.

“Well,” Joe conceded. “Not all of us.”

“Maybe you two should start dating,” I said. “Don’t mind me. I’ll just sit in my Honda and eat my Taco Bell cheese quesadillas and Cinnamon Twists and try not to interrupt all the sex.”

“Yes, you brought Taco Bell,” Archer sighed euphorically. “Give me five minutes, I just gotta finish rotating these tires real quick.” He jogged to the other end of the garage, knelt beside a Ford Mustang that was propped up on a jack, and starting twisting off lug nuts with a tire iron.

“You have a nice place here,” Joe observed, strolling around the small garage with his hands in the front pocket of his U Chicago hoodie, eyeing the fractures in the concrete floor and the spidering cracks in the windows. “You have any investors?”

“Are you kidding?!” Archer replied from the Mustang. “No, man, it’s just me. I rent for now, but at some point I’ll buy my own shop. Once I’ve saved up enough. A great big one with shiny new equipment and no mice squeaking behind the walls.”

“What’s your cash flow like?”

“I’m netting around three grand a month after taxes.”

“Not bad!” Joe noted admiringly.

“Yeah. It’s a hustle, but I love it.”

“Hey, I don’t know if you’d be interested—and absolutely no pressure if you’re not, really—but I do a lot of work with start-ups and I’d love to help you get into your own shop. By this Christmas, preferably. If we can work out a deal.”

“Really?!” Archer peeked incredulously over the hood of the Mustang.

“Absolutely.”

Archer beamed at me. “This guy is willing to drop serious cash to look good in front of you. You should probably marry him. No prenup though.”

I held my pinky out towards Joe, grinning. “No more sad prenups.”

He laughed and hooked my pinky with his. “Bankrupt me, bitch.”

I heard the metallic clang of a lug nut hitting the concrete floor and rolling under the Mustang. “Come back here, you bastard,” Archer muttered, then dropped to his stomach and crawled beneath the car.

“Hey, kid, be careful,” I fretted, crossing my arms across my chest and taking a step closer.

“Relax, Baby Swan, I am a professional, changing a tire for me is like feeding a fish for you, so just chill and keep fantasizing about those Cinnamon Twists—”

There was a squeal of metal as the car jack collapsed and the Mustang came crashing down. In a fraction of a second—faster than I could see him moving, faster than I could loose a scream—Joe had soared across the garage, yanked Archer out from beneath the falling Mustang, and dragged him to the center of the room.

“Oh fuck,” Archer wheezed, his dark eyes huge and fascinated and horrified. “Grandpa was right.”

I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)

We rolled up to the Lee house in my 1999 Honda Accord just as I polished off the last of my Cinnamon Twists and Archer chewed, tentatively and dazedly, on a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. The sun was beginning to set in a clouded sky that perpetually threatened rain.

He asked Joe for the fifth time from the back seat: “But wait, seriously, no one is going to eat me, right? Because I’m too young to die. I haven’t taken enough vacations yet. I can’t die without seeing Hawaii. I want to swim with the sea turtles.”

“No, none of us have ever eaten people. Well, almost none of us. Maybe stay away from Ben.”

“I would like a little more exposition,” Archer replied, blanching.

“Hey, if you stay until 8, you guys can join us for the SpongeBob marathon!”

Gwil and Mercy were waiting on the front porch, thanks to Joe’s ‘hey I accidentally exposed myself as a paranormal being and now we have a new friend, plz don’t be mad okay love you see you soon!1!!’ text.

“Welcome, sweetheart!” Mercy fussed, enfolding Archer into her arms as soon as he stepped out of the Honda. “Would you like some hummingbird cake? I just baked it this morning. And maybe some sweet tea too. And some peanut butter cookies. And banana pudding.”

“Sure,” he responded, bewildered. This lady does not seem like a bloodsucking demon, that voice said. And he was absolutely right.

“I’ll fix you up a tray,” Mercy promised, and hurried into the house.

“We’re so very happy to have you, Mr. Foxchild.” Gwil shook Archer’s hand firmly. “We don’t get many visitors around here. I’m sure you understand why.”

“My grandpa always insisted that there was something off about you guys. Especially you, Dr. Lee. Said you shouldn’t still be around.”

“Yes, I imagine that would have been disconcerting for him. He must have remembered us from the 1940s...that’s the last time we settled down in Forks. It’s not often that someone recognizes us after so long, but it happens. It was just Mercy and me and Rami and Joe back then. And look how far we’ve come.” Gwil beamed warmly, then turned to Joe. “But really, son, you’re going to have to stop telling humans about us.”

“Hold up, I was not responsible for her!” Joe exclaimed, waving at me. “Take it up with Ben!”

The garage door rumbled open and Scarlett sauntered out, wiping her filthy hands with a rag. She halted abruptly, stood there in her high-waisted vintage jeans and black crop top and bare feet with maroon-colored toenails, tilted her head and pondered Archer with an innocent sort of curiosity that I hadn’t seen from her before.

“Wait,” Archer said, gaping. “Is that...is that an Aston Martin Vantage in there?!”

“You bet,” Scarlett replied. “You want to learn how to work on it?”

“Uh, hell to the yeah!” He trotted over and they vanished into the garage together.

“Huh,” Joe muttered, watching them. “She was nice to him. Very weird.” He whirled back to me. “Anyway, come on. I promised you an education in classic rock music. And I shall deliver.”

Joe’s bedroom was a chaotic jumble of economics textbooks and Chicago Cubs paraphernalia and U Chicago apparel and action figures and comic books and classic rock posters. There was a massive Italian flag tacked to the wall above his bed. But what caught my attention immediately was a life-sized cardboard cutout of Ben lurking in the corner by a bookshelf full of cassette tapes.

“How is there any possible logical explanation for that?” I asked, pointing.

“Oh, that! That was a joke. When Ben first showed up, he pretty much lived in his room and never came out. Gwil was worried. Mercy was heartbroken. So I made a cardboard cutout of him and would bring it to family activities and do this really deep and seductive Ben voice when I pretended to have conversations with him. It gave the whole situation some levity...and I think Ben secretly liked that we missed him enough to make an artificial version to fill the void.”

“So this bitchy, brooding, blood-craving Ben I met is actually a drastic improvement?”

“Oh, Baby Swan,” Joe confided, almost sadly. “You have no idea what he was like four years ago.”

“I’m glad he has you. All of you. That he has a chance to get better.”

“I think you might be good for him too. Seeing a human as a real person instead of a walking, talking Hi-C juice box. And you care about him, don’t you? Despite everything.”

“Of course. It’s not his fault they taught him to be a monster.”

Joe just looked at me for a while, and then he cradled my face with one hand and grazed a thumb across my cheek “You’re never going to stop saying things that knock me into next week, are you?”

“Joe...” I hesitated, laying my hand over his. His skin was smooth and yielding yet strong, cool yet not unnaturally so. Refreshing. Safe. Fan-fucking-tastic. Oh noooooo. “Are we a thing?”

“Why? Do you want to be a thing?”

“Oh, uh, no, I was just wondering if we were.”

He stepped away, teasing me with a crooked smirk. “...So you don’t want to be a thing?”

“What would that entail?”

“Well...we’d be an official thing, you and me.” He shot finger guns at me, and then towards himself. “Which means you can’t be a thing with anyone else. And neither can I.”

“Ahhh, I see. So this thing is an exclusive thing.”

“Will you shut up and just admit that you’d totally be thrilled to be a thing with me?”

“Fine. Whatever. We’re a thing.”

“Nice.” He high-fived me.

“This is the most romantic moment of my life.”

“But wait, there’s more.” He went to the bookshelf, browsed through his cassette tape collection, found the one he wanted and popped it into a boombox that was probably older than I was. The frantic opening piano notes of I’d Do Anything For Love poured out.

“Meat Loaf,” I said in disbelief. “Really. This is the product of your superior taste in music. This is the culmination of over a century of musical experience. Meat Loaf.”

“The man is a genius!”

“This is all an elaborate joke about my vegetarianism, isn’t it?”

“No,” Joe mused. “But now that you mention it, I have yet another reason to force you to appreciate this song.” He took my hand in his, spun me around like a ballerina in a slow and careful circle, sang along—with extreme and dramatic enthusiasm—to the music.

“And I would do anything for love

I'd run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I'd never lie to you and that's a fact...”

“I don’t dance,” I cautioned him, laying a palm against his chest to catch my balance. That brisk, comforting scent of pine and snow and peppermint was everywhere. It feels like I can’t stand to be away from him. Like I’ll never get close enough. “I am terribly uncoordinated. I will step all over your feet. And I’m really not sure if I can trust you. You didn’t even know the plural form of octopus until like eighteen hours ago. You’re kind of a disaster. A, you know, uh, unexpectedly charming, unconventionally super cute, kind of bizarrely enchanting disaster.”

“Yeah,” Joe whispered, smiling, tilting up my chin, leaning in to kiss me. “I like you too.”

Cato

He came out of the oak trees like a ghost, pushing aside massive chandeliers of Spanish moss that blotted out the dusk sun, his expensive shoes sloshing in the marshy water that flooded the rice field. He was wearing a full suit, but no top hat; his hair was black and chin-length and wild around his face. And at first I thought he was a hallucination, a dream conjured by heat sickness or those first dreaded signs of malaria. He was unnervingly, uncommonly beautiful; beautiful like a hurricane, beautiful like lightning or an eclipse. But he was real. I straightened up as I watched him approach, my back aching in protest, a basket full of seedlings slung over my shoulder.

“Mr. Cato.”

His voice, clear and beckoning and twisted by an accent I’d never heard before, rang in my skull like church bells. He called me mister. This white man called me mister.

“Yes sir?” And I almost added: You want to be careful there, sir. The water moccasins like to hide among the tree roots, especially when the sun starts going down. But I had an inexplicable feeling that this man wasn’t afraid of things like snakes. Maybe the snakes should be afraid of him.

“Mr. Cato,” he said again, this time to himself, very quietly, tasting it.

I kept trying to look away, to disentangle my gaze from him like a hook out of a sturgeon’s mouth, because staring piercingly and astonished at a white man like that in the rice swamps of South Carolina in 1851 could get me beaten or the lash, could get my teeth pried right out of my jaw. But it didn’t seem to bother him. He grinned, hugely, all-knowingly, under prehistoric golden eyes like an alligator’s. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. And he was proud.

“Do you want to be free?” he asked, almost hissed, still grinning from the tree line.

What kind of question was that? Did a sandpiper want to fly? Did a coyote want dirt under its paws and flesh disappearing down its throat? But that wasn’t something you ever confessed aloud, not if you wanted your feet on the ground instead of swinging ten inches above it. But this man wasn’t a master, wasn’t an overseer. He wasn’t from the South. He didn’t carry a whip or a club to remind you of the rules of the world. He stood there tall and radiant in the shadows of the fading daylight like he was the one who wrote the rules to begin with; which meant that maybe he could change them. “Yes sir.”

“I can only take you,” the man warned. “No others. No family. No friends.”

“No trouble, sir,” I told him. “They sold my family. They hanged my friends.”

The man’s grin stretched wider under glinting eyes. His canine teeth were sharp, I realized: like a coyote’s, like a snake’s fangs. He held out his hand. “We are going to get along very well, you and I.”

I let the basket fall from my shoulder. I slogged through the mud and rows of wispy verdant rice plants to meet him in the shade of the oak trees. And there, for the first time in forever, a man with skin the color of bones looked me dead in the eye and shook my scarred hand.

“Welcome, Cato,” he whispered; and I was home.

He took my face in his cool palms, gingerly, reverently, like a lover. He touched his teeth to my throat. And every nerve ending in my body flooded with wildfire as he dragged me, screaming, into the depths of the forest.

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trulymadlysydney · 3 years ago

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I would totally be down for a full run down of your flight attendant applications/training/experience on the job info. Like all of it, top to bottom! Anything you give us is always appreciated Syd! I love the insight from someone I “know” lol

OH MANN okay! I'll definitely do that, but I'm gonna put it under a cut because I know it's going to be SO SO SO long lol

SO.

I applied for several different airlines over the course of like, two... two and a half years? The interview process is kind of the same for every airline, obviously things are different here and there but ultimately its the same. You start with the online application, usually you go on to a video interview, then you go to a face to face interview. Some airlines will fly you out for the face to face interview, others won't. I also did one that was like, an open group interview where you just kinda... showed up haha. I was told no by a lot of airlines, and I made it all the way to the face to face interview with one airline in March of 2019 that I was so positive was it for me, and after I was told no, I was literally ready to give up.

I applied for my current airline in August 2019. About two, maybe three weeks later I got invited to do the video interview, which was basically where I had to film myself answering a few questions. I was only given a certain amount of time to answer the questions, and I couldn't retake the video. (I was actually certain I bombed this part because at one point I blanked, and at another point my phone started ringing mid video jfkldjf). A few weeks later, I got invited to a face to face interview and I was given a list of dates/locations to pick from. My airline did not provide a ticket to my interview though, I had to pay my way there.

I didn't go to my face to face interview until November 2019 and that was when I was 100% positive that this airline was going to be the perfect fit for me, because never in my life had I gone to a better, easier interview. There was a portion where they just talked to us about the job, then there was a group activity where we were given a scenario and had to figure out how to handle it as a "Crew." There was a reach test to see how high we could reach, and there was a "PA test" where we were given the PA script that you read during boarding (the whole "please place your smaller bags underneath the seat in front of you" thing). Then at the end, we were each called in for an individual interview with two people in charge of hiring.

I found out the next day before I even left the airport that I got what they call a CJO-- or conditional job offer-- meaning I was invited to come to training. My training wasn't until February 2020, and it was about five weeks long at our training center. It was a lot more difficult than I think a lot of people expected it to be. It's a little bit different with every airline, obviously, but at mine we were given two different kinds of tests-- a Motor Skills test (showing we knew how to open and close doors, evacuation commands, how to put out a fire, stuff like that) and a Knowledge test (a test on the computer). We had to pass each one with an 80% or above. You had two retakes total-- so if you failed one, you got to retake it the next day. If you failed that, you were done. If you passed the retake, you were fine BUT you only had one more retake left for the entire rest of training. (I actually failed one test with a 78% and it was the fucking worst day of my life. I literally bawled through all of my classes that day. The instructors were like "Sydney..... you're fine...... holy shit" f;lkadfkj because I was so terrified but obviously it worked out just fine because I passed my retake and I never failed another one)

I graduated training in March 2020 exactly a week before the entire world shut down LMAO. I was based where Paige lives, and when I got to base Paige took me out to dinner to celebrate and got a notification MID MEAL that the city was going into lockdown lol we were like ??? uhhh????

Obviously last year was... wild kd;flsdjdfj;s like I don't think I got the FULL experience of being a flight attendant until deadass probably January of this year. Last year I was working flights that had a total of four passengers on board. (Literally. It was a flight from New York to Seattle with FOUR people on board.). Now I'm having to deal with full, oversold flights which is a whole new challenge haha.

But seriously, I'm so happy with the job. It really has its bad days, and I'm not saying it's like ALL sunshine and rainbows because obviously no job ever is. Especially right now, the industry is really hurting across the board, regardless of what airline it is, due to being understaffed and overworked. BUT the good, most of the time, outweighs the bad, and I'm SO happy with this job-- more than any other job I've ever had in my life.

Im sorry this was like, a whole ass novel aflkdjf;l but I love talking about this stuff so if you have any other like, specific questions I can do my best to answer!!!

#flight attendant tings

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hermionegranger56 · 4 years ago

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ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

#taylor swift #folklore #tswift #folklore the album #taylor swift folklore #ts8 folklore #folklore era #betty #august #cardigan #exile

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celesjial · 6 years ago

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han jisung growing up because for some reason we all seem to ignore this :)

our story begins with this child 👇👇

this is the braces boy who attended def academy and tbh, he still looks 48030480 times better than i ever will so lets just stop to appreciate fetus jisung’s one piercing, braces, and his accentuated cheekbones bc they’re beautiful. let’s also appreciate his melanin and his awkward lil interview he did, which you can watch here if you’d like :).

~ moving on! let’s start in 2017, with the survival show :) (also where i fell head over heels for this boy and still going strong today ✊✊) here he is in all his glory of the survival show :)

um. the cutest? honestly i’m not surprised this is the person i chose to stan? like hfakhdflkklahdf this was the day of the jyp vs. yg thing and lemme just say i was NOT okay after that episode. those tears were all induced by this lil sweetheart above :)

and while we’re on the topic of the survival show, let’s talk about the busking. here is han jisung during their first ever meeting with the fans “live show” busking, absolutely k i l l i n g it. :)

lets just? okay moving on SIGH lets enter the months of 2018. lets enjoy this gorgeousness at his best at a fansign in 2018. here’s a pic from one of the very first fansigns stray kids ever did in the beginning of january :) jisung in pink? a big yes. big big big big yes.

im not gonna mention the ears because you know what? no. i’m not putting myself through that. time skip tho, let’s head to february to this live fan meeting they did :) (jisung’s hellevator fancam on this date? is a must watch) click here to watch it full :)

i don’t get how a 17 year old could be this effortlessly ethereal? and this outfit? like uh huh? get it 17-year-old still predebut jisung GET IT :)

ugh im going crazy i miss predebut days already buuuut let’s move on to their debut stage. gosh--i remember watching this and thanking the lord minho and felix were back-but that’s a story for another day. let’s all say hello to jisung’s red? purple? copper? copper with red and purple highlights? hair and his -- sigh-- infamous mullet days. ngl i kinda miss it, even though i really hated it when i saw it the first time. nonetheless, on to debut stage han jisung! (he wanted everyone to call him han, but i gave up on that because personally i think jisung is a very pretty name and im gonna use it :))

you know what? dumbass mullet or not i still love him (all the mullet enthusiasts boutta attack me)

moooooooving on from the debut stage, let’s talk about fansigns and jisung in the i am: not era. let’s just--i think this mightve been his realization that he’s just a softy boy and so he decided to take the cutest teeny lil pics possible, because here he is enjoying life at a fansign in april 2018 :)

B U N N Y. MY BUNNY. FIGHT ME HES THE CUTEST EVER AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH SO CMUCH. :)

however, the colored hair didn’t stay for very long because we were back to dark pretty soon :) something we’ll later come to miss, you’ll see :) anyways, moving on to june and this legendary stage!

this was jisung’s day and no one else’s. he murdered me, let me be buried, dug me up, and murdered me again and i was not o frickng kay. it was hot the day they performed and he was sweating like crazy and smiling and just wilding on stage and i had no words, lemme tell ya. y’all seeing him grow up yet? no? that’s okay, we’re getting there ;) let’s move on to a soft pic since i don’t think staring at this one for very long is good for your health kdhaljkfhdajhdf.

so onto july 2018! here’s an airport pic of the day he got his drink stolen and started pouting like a lil baby. he’s gorgeous and adorable and his big blue shirt and hat and stuff ughhhh aljdhflka i dkkk.

but here :)

yes. just--yes. jisung in baby blue? yes. jisung anywhere anytime? yes. yes. yes. just---yes. :)

let’s go ahead and move on to august, aka the month jisung decided it would be a great amazing time of the year to start murdering us all. let’s start off a lil bit smooth--here’s the day they were on stage and jisung decided it’d be a great idea to be crazy hot.

maybe i just got a thing for jisung in baseball caps, ya know? but maybe you’ll notice his hair starting growing longer here--and here we begin the era of the hottest person ever--long haired jisung. it is a phenomenon that no one can beat, not even get-cool era jisung because--well, you’ll see.

prepare yourself. the next pic is not a fun one to go through, trust me.

i’ll let you have a moment. take your time, breathe, it’s okay :) i go through the same thing every time i see this photo, don’t worry. but hey, do you see the growing up now? if not, before we get into the real stuff, i suggest you scroll back up and compare that very first pic you saw to this one. see it now? yeah, i thought so. and we’re not done yet.

say hello to blonde jisung! the jisung we’re gonna be seeing for a while--till the end of 2018, to be exact aljhadlkjfhadkjfhalkjdhf. this is just the beginning, kids. buckle up.

let’s move on to the i am: who unveil--prepare yourself. none of the following pics are fun. none of blonde jisung is fun. i hate blonde jisung.

here we go!

yup. i am who jisung said move out of his way, because he is the king and no one can stop him. go ahead and admire him for a bit longer. we’re nowhere near finished yet. (PS DO YOU SEE THE GROWTH CHANGE YET BC I SEE IT BICH)

anyways!!!! let’s move on to kcon thailand 2018 jisung! as in king prince jisung who can never be beat so shut up!

yup. mhm. i have no caption for this one except warning: may cause heart attacks bc i know the day the fansite pics of this came out i nearly cried and died and cried again yall know. new stans, here’s what you missed of han jisung but dont worry! i’ll always be here to introduce you to him :).

anywho! let’s do another pic from 2018 before we get on to december jisung. and january jisung of 2019. warning now--if you want to scroll past this post you probably should now, because you may actually collapse after that. but let’s have a little fun first! here’s jisung from that day yall already know--yup. this day. here we go.

yup. last blonde jisung you’ll be getting, because we are moving into 2018 jisung.

hold up. actually, i lied. you’ll get one more blonde jisung--but beware. we’re moving into award show era. ready? no? oh well, here you go anyways. let’s have king jisung from this award show--the one i cannot remember the name of but whatever :)

ah, right! the asia artist awards. ahaha the good old asas. oh well, i’m sure you don’t care about that--i mean, are you LOOKING AT THIS pIC? this day will always be remembered as the day jisung told changbin to move bitch and let him walk the center of the red carpet. anywho, yeap! this is the last blonde jisung, i swear. we’re moving into--shudder--mama era jisung. nothing else to say, here we go.

uh huh. i’ll give you a minute, don’t worry. blue haired jisung was the reign of all jisungs and fight me. FI G H T ME. what tf happened to the cute child from january? this ain’t him. this is a lil demon right here. i will never, ever get over december 2018 mama jisung. never.

but we’re not done here, tho! because the awards shows went on into january! and february! but don’t worry, i won’t kill you with all the pics. just one. let’s move on to faded silver haired-jisung, or the radiance of all the awards show of 2019.

here you go! have fun with this one! this jisung was out to kill us all--i still don’t think i’m over it, ya know? but like, whatever. i’m just out here tryna bias this satan of a person, you know. that’s how it be.

aannddd finally, let’s move on to current han jisung. han jisung right now. han jisung on march 25, 2019, as in exactly one year after he debuted. let’s take a look at what han jisung looks like these days. :)

here we have a nice old han jisung from just a couple of days ago! isn’t that great? we love this man.

i hate him get the demon away from me lord help me--

but let’s just appreciate his growth. ngl, i didn’t think he could change much when i was watching the survival show because of how gorgeous he was already, but god damnit he did and he killed me several times along the way. a

and that was the story of han jisung since debut! still don’t see the growth, scroll back up, don’t read my inserts, and look at the last pic again. i’m sure you see it by now. let’s appreciate han jisung growing up everybody! i’m totally not crying, and you aren’t either. but yeah!

i love him a lot and you should love him too, even when he had braces because he was a cute lil mtf back then and i miss him a lot.

but yeah! that’s it i have no closure for this post so goodbye :)

#stray kids #han jisung #why did i do this #watch no one see this #sigh

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mistymark · 6 years ago

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the one with the feelings [1] // m.k.l

mark lee x reader // 1.9k words // part 1/2 // masterlist

summary; in which mark and y/n have a lot of feelings but never at the same time apparently // the times we fought our feelings for each other and the one time we didn’t

warnings; drinking // light angst? // heartache

request; no I just saw this prompt and loved it

notes; why does this remind me of love, Rosie (I cried three times in that movie)

October 2012, age 13

The squeaky sounds of sneakers on the polished wooden floor and the bouncing of basketballs was all you could hear as you watched the other students run around, throwing and catching balls between them with grins on their faces. Spinning around, you searched for Mark, your best friend and latest crush - after having helped you clean your wound after you scraped your knee on the asphalt at school.

Nowhere to be found, you decided to duck under the back of the bleachers, your secret sanctuary when you didn’t want to partake in PE. Lifting the curtain to allow yourself entry, you saw Mark, grinning at a figure in the dark.

It took you a moment to notice their interlocking fingers, their touching shoulders, their legs brushing against each other’s as they squished together on the bench. Letting the curtain fall from your grasp, you hang your head and disappear into the bathrooms, unseen.

February 2014, age 14

You sat on the rickety chair in your ill-fitting school-dance outfit, watching the couples dance awkwardly on the dance floor. Spotting Mark across the dance floor, standing beside the drinks table as he waits for an opportunity to stop talking to one of your teachers, his hands casually resting in his suit pant pockets. The jacket hangs off his skinny frame a little too much, making him appear smaller than he actually was.

A few moments later, he was walking over to you, two cups of the terrible punch in his hands as he narrowly dodged the dancing people in his path. A grin found itself on your face as he sat beside you, passing you one of the cups.

You sat together for a while, talking mindlessly about the dance and school and whatever else came to mind that night. When there was a bout of silence, Mark placed his cup on the floor, wiping his slightly sweaty palms on his pants as he tried to muster up the courage to ask you to dance. His mouth suddenly went dry.

Within a second, a hand was being outstretched to you, the smiling face of one of the boys in your class looking down at you, asking you to dance. Having not yet been asked to dance, you eagerly grabbed his hand, letting him pull you out of your chair and onto the dance floor.

Mark stayed sitting, waiting for you to come back. Waiting to ask you to dance.

August 2017, age 18

The flashing lights and loud bass was slowly starting to make you feel numb, but you watched with a grin on your face as Mark danced on his living room table, the small wooden piece of furniture barely supporting his weight as he moved.

You had lost count of your alcohol intake, and Mark was clearly drunk, dancing haphazardly on top of the table. When the song ended, one of the boys nearby turned down the volume of the speakers, yelling, “Speech! Speech!”

Soon enough, everyone was chanting for Mark to deliver a speech, and he stood casually atop the table as he handed his beer to someone next to him. He addressed the crowd, “You’re all here! It’s my birthday, thank you.” His eyes found yours, “Oh, Y/n! Come here.” When you didn’t move, he waved you over again.

Eventually you stood below him, looking up at him in confusion, whisper shouting up at him, “What are you doing?” Your foggy brain struggled to focus on Mark as you watched him sway lightly on his feet.

He grinned at you and grabbed your arm, helping you up onto the table. When you were stood safely beside him, he wrapped his arm around your waist, “Everyone! Tonight would not have been made possible without Y/n,” he turned to look you in the eyes, his face serious, “my best friend.”

There was a beat before someone started cheering, and then the music was slowly being turned up as people turned to each other, happily chatting and resuming their dancing.

You stood still on the top of the coffee table with Mark, his arm still wrapped tightly around you, his eyes staring into yours. His gaze flickered to your lips, and he stared at them for a while, silently debating whether he should go for it.

And he did.

Suddenly his lips were on yours and your hands were cupping his face, his arm holding you against him as his other hand rested on the back of your neck.

With the cloudiness of your brain and the sensation of Mark kissing you, you found it difficult to focus on your surroundings, but the obvious squeak of the table was enough to pull you from the haze. With great difficulty, you pushed yourself away and stepped off the table, tugging Mark’s hand so he followed you.

Before Mark’s foot met the ground, the table was crumbling, snapping in half at the added weight and movement from your actions. He winced drunkenly at the table, then decided it was best to go find a sensible adult to deal with the problem, quickly making his way to the kitchen and abandoning you.

December 2017, age 18

You sat silently on the porch of your house, the porch swing creaking as you swung slowly, your gaze fixated on your feet. Christmas was always a busy time for your family, with all the parties and events your family hosted, but it seemed that no one had come looking for you yet, so you found yourself in the only quiet part of your house; the open porch.

There was a door slam on the street, and you looked up as Mark’s parents stepped out of their car, his mother carrying a large wrapped gift and his father a tray of dessert. Mark, dressed in a suit jacket and black jeans, stepped out of the car only to run back to grab something he’d left.

His parents continued up the drive to your house, greeting you with their warm smiles, “Hi, dear. How have your holidays been?”

You grinned back at them, noticing again how much of his parents you could see in Mark, “Brilliant, thank you.” You pointed your thumb in the direction of the front door. “Party’s inside.”

They nodded and smiled a little wider when they realised you weren’t coming inside with them, but you dismissed it as you continued lazily swinging on the porch swing.

A moment later, Mark was jogging up the drive, taking the stairs two steps at a time to reach you, puffing slightly, “Hey.”

You continued swinging, a smile on your face, “Hey.”

He stood up straighter, examining the outside of your house, “The place looks great. New door?”

“New door,” you nodded.

“Looks good,” he stuffed his hands in his jean pockets, nodding to himself.

You raised an eyebrow, “I haven’t seen you in, like, a month and all you have to say is that my door looks good?”

“It’s not the only thing,” he smirked at you, pleased with himself before untucking his hands and making his way over to sit beside you. “I got you something.”

“You- what? No, Mark, you didn't have to! I didn’t get you anything,” you were suddenly ashamed of yourself; why hadn’t you gotten him a gift?

“Oh, come on, it’s not a big deal,” he shrugged, smiling and handing you a small box. “It’s nothing big, I promise.”

You stared at him for a moment before nodding, turning to look eagerly at the small box before you. Mark chuckled at your excitement. You opened the lid, “It’s - woah! It’s the friendship bracelet I made you ages ago!”

“When we were nine,” he corrected, beaming down at the tiny bracelet, glad that you’d remembered.

“Is this you returning my gift? You don’t want to be friends anymore?”

“No! I thought - I thought you’d like it. I found it a few weeks ago-”

“I can’t believe you kept it.”

He shrugged, eyeing the bracelet and avoiding your face, “No big deal.”

You grinned, throwing your arms around him, “Thank you. I love it.”

You felt him hesitate for a moment before letting his arms wrap around you, holding you warmly in his embrace, the bracelet hanging off your fingers as you breathed in the scent of him, enjoying the moment.

January 2018, age 18

“1! Happy New Year!” The crowd cheered with excitement as the large ball on the television dropped, before images of people cheering, kissing and drinking populated the screen.

Your friend stood beside you, a glass raised to her lips, “You’re driving tonight, right?” You nodded, and she grinned, “Looks like I’m starting this year the same way I did last, drunk as fuck.” She toasted to you politely before proceeding to drain her glass, walking into the kitchen to find another.

There was a tap on your shoulder and you spun around, your eyes meeting Mark’s. The music started up again as the party continued, and dancing bodies swarmed onto the dance floor of the host’s living room, somebody harshly bumping into Mark, causing him to step forward, his chest merely inches from your own.

“Hey,” he breathed, his hands holding your waist from when he’d almost tripped. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year,” you whispered back. You weren’t sure if he could hear you, but he seemed to understand. “Any kisses this year?”

His eyes found themselves on your lips again as he leant closer, “Only one.” His lips met yours softly, the loudness and wildness of the party juxtaposing the sweet, sober moment between you two.

You pulled back, “What was that for?”

He bit his lip in an attempt to hide his smile, “I had to know what it was like.”

“What what was like?”

“Kissing you.”

February 2018, age 18

[2:47pm] Mark: got any plans this afternoon?

[2:50pm] You: not really, just packing the last of my stuff

[2:50pm] Mark: wdym?

[2:50pm] You: for college dummy

[2:51pm] You: I leave in two weeks remember

[2:51pm] You: gotta be ready :))

[2:52pm] Mark: ofc I cant believe I forgot

[2:52pm] Mark: must be bc im gonna miss you ://

[2:52pm] You: oh shut up ur such a drama queen

[2:53pm] Mark: bc ur not dramatic enough!!

[2:53pm] Mark: im not gonna see you in forever

[2:53pm] You: I’m literally going to be at ur brothers engagement party what is wrong with you

[2:54pm] Mark: I hate talking to you im gonna go pack

[2:55pm] Mark: promise you’ll be there?

[2:57pm] You: of course

April 2018, age 18

You groaned and hit the horn again, the long highway before you backed up far into the distance. The grey sky contrasted against the severity of the red brake lights ahead of you, glowering angrily at you from where they stood, unmoving. Anxious, you fiddled with the blue material of your cocktail dress, the white envelope sitting on the seat beside you, the time and place of Mark’s brother’s engagement party printed neatly on the card inside; 6pm at the Grand Wyatt Hotel. You glanced wearily at the clock on your dash, the numbers steadily increasing until 6pm hit, and later passed.

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dontyouhearmehowling · 5 years ago

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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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96xie · 5 years ago

Text

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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superemeralds · 6 years ago

Note

I never understood this about Shadow, why does he even work with GUN?

*rubs my gay little hands together*

Finally it’s time for my analysis of GUN, the current GUN commander, Shadow’s relationship with both of them and speculations on the future…………..

warning: it’s actually gonna get……….. really wild. This turned out to be mainly an analysis of the GUN commander because he is the main factor that influences shadows decision but im… hoooo boy.

TLDR;

The commander is a Robotnik and the character development he went through, paired with Shadows acceptance of his judgement + forgiveness of his actions, as well as their friendly bond by the end of the game, gave Shadow the feeling that it is a good idea to join forces with GUN to keep his promise to Maria in keeping the planet safe.

( +3k words; all referenced videos and audio files are transcribed for accessibility; sources/references at the bottom)

If you have any questions or comments feel free to shoot me an ask! If you have anything to add or critique (because I’m 49320% sure i forgot half of the things i wanted to address again), feel free to add to my post!

Okay so before we can make out why Shadow would join GUN, we should establish why people think he wouldn’t.

As you said, you can’t understand his decision (very understandably so), therefor let’s sum up why you feel like this, and then I’ll try to explain how all that can actually lead to him joining in the end.

We all know GUN is responsible for Maria’s death, so why would Shadow want to join them? It doesn’t make sense!

Well, you see, it doesn’t. Things don’t always make sense. Not on first sight anyways.

First thing we should note is that the current GUN commander (I’ll talk abt him a lot now) and his family were aboard the ARK during the time that Shadow was created. We don’t know why, as there are no hints towards his parents’ jobs. There are also little hints to GUN actually having employees up there.

It is confirmed that GUN was funding the ARK project and all scientists abroad, they probably had agents up there that would live among the scientists to make sure to report back to the base frequently and keep HQ up-to-date about new findings and development of the experiments.

If the future commander was aware of that, or his parents were part of GUN, is not clear.

Speculative it is to say that he probably saw the GUN soldiers in the big invasion that killed his family (his parents either were scientists that were exterminated so they wouldn’t talk, or they were GUN agents that chose to defend the scientists, or they were killed by the artificial chaos that went on a rampage*) as heroes, since he canonically blames Shadow for everything.

He did have a deep and strong fear of Shadow since the very beginning because he happened to see Gerald and Black doom in a room with Shadow together at one point in time and associated Shadow with the alien ever since. It’s possible he didn’t know about Maria being very close to him, or he tolerated it because it was her.

Actually.

Actually hold your fucking horses everyone I’m onto something.

Okay so… You know how the commander is super inconsistent with the whole family and Maria dying deal right?

SHADOW: Damn it! What does it all mean? These memories… thedoctor’s actions and words… nothing makes sense! Wasit real?

* - The GUN Commander walks up to Shadow, and points a handgun athim.

GUN COMMANDER: It’s been a long time… Shadow.

SHADOW: Who are you?! And how do you know my name?

GUN COMMANDER: I know you… Shadow the Hedgehog. You killedeveryone I loved… myfamily… Maria. I’ve been waiting all my life for this day!

SHADOW: What?! Me… and Maria?

* - A younger GUN Commander and Maria are running in a hall on theARK. He hits his ass to taunt Maria, and she catches up to him.She holds him in place, but he starts running again.

GUN COMMANDER (voiceover): Maria was like a sister to me. She wasthe only family I knew! And because of you… she waskilled!

* - The younger GUN-C gets to the door to Geral’d lab, and looksin the glass. Inside, Gerald and Black Doom are talking nearShadow’s pod.

GUN COMMANDER (voiceover): Witnessing it all… the plan to createthat horrifying evil creature... that black creature, and that insane professor who unleashed it all!

* - As the pod starts to move, the young GUN-C starts screaming.The pod sits upright, and Shadow opens his eyes.

SHADOW: So… the professor created me… with Black Doom?

GUN COMMANDER: You don’t fool me! It’s not just about Maria.Thanks to you, everyone I knewand loved was killed when the ARK was destroyed. Worst of all, myfamily! Finally… justice is served!

I bolded everything that is important to my analysis,,,,

ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYING.

The Commanders words about his family and Maria being killed are all jumbled. One moment Maria is the only family he had, the next everyone he knew and loved was killed. Among those people Maria and his family.

We have no canon confirmation as to who his family was and why they were killed on the ARK. (Read speculation above again if needed, marked with an *)So what if Maria was his family? What if he was a Robotnik himself?

Who says that he knew about Ivo’s parents?

He might be blood related, or adopted by Gerald.

How else would a kid end up on a Space Station that is primarily for scientific research? Maria and the future commander should logically be the only children up there, because Gerald brought them with him.

The commander witnessed Shadow’s creation and knows that Gerald was involved in it. He felt a deep hatred for Shadow, aswell as Gerald, for what happened. He mainly blames Shadow for the incident on ARK, but he also holds resentment towards Gerald for having created Shadow in the first place. (”The insane professor that unleashed it all!”)

This would imply that the commander refuses to see Gerald as part of his family anymore after that had happened, which would figuratively make Gerald “dead to him.” Maria would be the only family he had left after that, and she was killed on the ARK.

He was not there when it happened, he was escorted by GUN back to earth while Maria tried to defend Shadow and help him escape. He never got told how she died, he just, presumably, saw her on the list of victims.

This event shaped the commander into wanting to become someone who can protect the innocent from harm and prevent needless death.

We see his compassion in other cutscenes!

* - The Presiden’t helicopter touches down on the landing pad andseveral GUN soldiers run over to it. Slightly later, the GUNCommander helps the President walk to the control room. The Presidentsits down in a chair.

GUN COMMANDER: Sir, are you all right?

PRESIDENT: Never mind me… What about the people of Central City?

GUN COMMANDER: No need to worry, sir. Orders were issuedyesterday, and everyone hasbeen evacuated to the safe zone.

[…]

GUN COMMANDER: So he’s finally decided to show himself. Attentionall command units! Mobilizeall Mech battle sections! Prepare all weapons to strikeincoming vessels! Mobilize “Diablon”!

GUN SOLDIR: But sir! It’s not ready yet!

GUN COMMANDER: I don’t care!! We have NO other option!! We MUSTprotect the President, andthe Chaos Emeralds, at all costs.

* - In the White House, the President is looking at Westopolisfrom the balcony. The sky is dark red/orange. The GUNCommander and two other soldiers come in through the door.

GUN COMMANDER: Sir, your transport is ready. We must go now! Sir,please!

PRESIDENT: Once again… I have failed my duty to protect ournation.

GUN COMMANDER: Sir, it’s not over! We can continue to fight. Theblack aliens may haverendered us unable for now, but we will rally, sir. You must keep yournation strong and together.

PRESIDENT: Yes, keep the nation united. No matter what happens,we’ll never surrender to these creatures.*looks at the picture of Sonic and Shadow* This much I learnedfrom them.

GUN COMMANDER: Sir, please hurry.

PRESIDENT: Okay.

* - The President and the two soldiers start to leave. The GUNCommander looks at the picture the President keeps on his desk before leavinghimself.

GUN COMMANDER: The black creatures will feel their own bloodyHell!

Again, bold lines are important!

The commander made sure to evacuate the entire population of a major city that is based off the Washington metropolitan area with a populus of over 6 Million people within just one single day.

For reference I researched how long it normally takes to evacuate big cities in real life.

“At around 10 am on August 28, Mayor Ray Nagin declared a mandatory evacuation of the city, after Hurricane Katrina was updated to a Category 5, the strongest possible hurricane. By the time the hurricane hit, at around 7 AM on August 29, later studies revealed that around 90% of the New Orleans population left. That’s around one million people within 21 hours.

Preparations for Hurricane Katrina - Wikipedia

This is important, as we can guestimate just how long an evacuation could take, if we assume that the cities can evacuate at a similar rate to New Orleans. Doing the math, this means that New York City takes around 8 days to clear out, and Tokyo needs around two weeks or so.

Thing is, however, evacuation procedures will likely suffer because these cities are much larger than New Orleans, so you might need to add a few days to them.

So, it’s more likely that NYC and Tokyo would need at least two weeks before the cities could be cleared.”

source

So he really did something really amazing.

He prioritizes to keep the President and the chaos emeralds safe above anything else and risks unleashing a new and unreliable weapon; and against what you might think- that he’s selfish/doesn’t care about the citizens- the reason he prioritizes the emeralds over people….. 1) They’ve already been evacuated.2) If Black Doom gets all of the Chaos Emeralds there won’t be an Earth anymore. No Humanity. He can think critically and in advance yall.

Also consider how he gives the President hope, not to give up. He’s confident in his abilities as commander, and his his soldiers, to do whatever they can to keep the people of their country, and the entire world, save. And he also emphasizes that the nation themselves should not loose hope, that the President should be a positive influence and stand up against the intruders (the aliens).

He also says he’ll return “their bloody hell” to the aliens, which 1) references his association of Shadow with those aliens and his firm belief that Shadow killed Maria (and by extend his (grand?)father Gerald ?).2) references the fact that the aliens have taken countless of soldiers lives already and that he wishes to return that favour to their kind.

The commander is generally a justice loving person who will do anything in his power to do the right thing. When it comes to Shadow, though, he seems to not have his personal grudge towards him under control and he gets a little extreme with his idea of justice.

GUN COMMANDER: Shadow? Deploy the troops, NOW! And if you findShadow with the black aliens…then kill them all.

GUN SOLDIER: But sir, isn’t Shadow on our side–

GUN COMMANDER: I gave you an order, soldier! He’s evil and he’sthe enemy!

GUN COMMANDER: Alert all field commanders in Sector B. I’mauthorizing full use of alltactical weapons. I want both black aliens and Shadow stopped andburied. Failure, is not an option.

GUN COMMANDER: Hm-hm… It’s over, Shadow. You’ll finally beexposed and eradicated forthe evil that you are.

GUN COMMANDER (radio): Come in, Eclipse Cannon! He must be stoppedat all costs! Take him out... that’s an order!

GUN COMMANDER: Shadow! Damn you! It’s been fifty years… justicewill finally be served.*cocks handgun*

This emotional side of him is a great flaw in a man of his position, but also a great strength.

As we know he confronted Shadow about his hatred and literally attempted to personally kill him.

* - He fires his gun, but Shadow’s now standing behind theCommander, faced away from him, with his eyes closed.

SHADOW: If what you say is true, then I will respectfully acceptmy fate.

GUN COMMANDER: You mean to tell me that, you really don’t remembera thing?

SHADOW: But I just need some time… to uncover the real truth.

* - As Shadow walks off, the Commander looks at his gun and fallsto his knees.

Shadow admits to not remembering any of what he is saying, but that he will take responsibility for those things if it’s true (WHILE NOT EVEN REMEMBERING ANY OF IT). This means that Shadow accepts the justice the commander wanted to serve. And also that he forgives him for being so bitter about it, for being so incredibly angry.

You might think it is because he knows what it’s like to hate someone for killing your loved one and then doing everything to avenge them but…. he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember SA2. All he knows is the empty feeling of rage and sorrow, that he can’t really put any context on. (He remembered that Maria died and that he wasn’t able to save her, but he never remembered how she died. This had to be told to him by someone else. Either it was directly shown to him by Black Doom when he uses chaos control to show Shadow the past, or by Doom’s Eye in a cutscene before a boss fight. (iirc anyways because I’ve gone through so much cutscene and script material now that I might mix some stuff up, please correct me if I’m wrong).

Once the commander learns that Shadow doesn’t remember anything and fucking accepts his plans to kill him, he is SHOCKED.

He looks at his gun, as if he’s realizing just what the fuck he was doing, threatening and literally trying to kill Shadow in an attempt to serve “justice”. He falls to his knees in shame for his misguided behaviour. He realized how foolish and childish is obsessive pursuit of Shadow was.

Later in The Last Way when Gerald tells the truth about Shadow and Black Dooms relation and Shadow saves the world….

* - All of the members are cheering and yelling.

GUN COMMANDER: *sigh*

* - The President pats the Commander’s back.

PRESIDENT: How ironic… After the way we all treated him, hesaved us all i the end. We were all wrong about the professor. Let us pay homageto Professor Gerald. Let’s work to ensure peace and prosperity for a brighter future! What do you say, Commander?

GUN COMMANDER: Excellent idea, Mister President.

They feel guilty for holding Shadow accountable for the destruction the aliens caused, aswell as for what happened to Gerald. They plan to reform the way they act in homage of Gerald Robotnik (and Shadow the hedgehog).

Now, it’s not confirmed when exactly in the timeline it is, but the commander does say this, but in Space Gadget (after completing the game I assume) during the training gameplay it is possible to get a random call from the commander which says:

“Shadow, do you read me? First… I want to apologize, for the other day. Actually, I just became a grandfather last week and I was thinking of maybe having you over. I know that training is tough, but try and do your best.”

(here’s the voice file in case you want to hear it)

This confirms that the commander is trying to build a friendly relationship with Shadow now and wants him to be part of his family (again. Since they are both Robotniks.). It could either be an invitation after Shadow already had joined GUN, or, and I think that’s more likely, he wants to discuss that matter when Shadow pays him a visit and they can talk about it in person.

Now Shadow does forgive the commander for his actions, and he accepts that what happened to Maria lies in the past and that it is not the fault of anyone else but the person that shot her, so he can’t be angry at the entire human race for it. He understands it now.

The commander makes a genuine effort to keep the country, and the planet, save; and GUN is an organization that focuses on keeping the world save. Shadow knows that it is impossible for one person alone to do it, so he likely sees this as a good option for help since he’s willing to cooperate with this commander. Due to his old age he would have to retire soon, though, so Shadow would also likely want to be inside that system to have influence on the new leaders in the future, so that GUN does not stray the wrong path again. (Be it shady experiments or useless killing.)

He likely agreed upon the request under the condition that OMEGA could join along with him, as well as the condition that he, OMEGA and Rouge are an inseparable Team that will work together from this day forth.

This is how I think it went.

Yes I got lazy towards the end because it’s super hot and I’m sweaty and my laptop is literally wet from my sweaty hands its disgusting akjsfhka

sources: (take the wiki ones with a grain of salt i only referred to the stuff that is absolute fact (sourced trivia, quotes and plot line); not personality descriptions or anything interpretative stuff since the wiki is also fan made and i disagree with some of that)

http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Shadow_the_Hedgehog_(game)

http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Commander

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps2/926671-shadow-the-hedgehog/faqs/39966

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh7b_eml0EU (i used all 4 of those videos aswell as this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBisWZ8eKV0

#meta/ shadow #Anonymous #ask #long post

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augustheads · 2 years ago

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hey! wild child sounds really interesting, I may have to watch it! 🤔 as for today’s question, let me ask: what are your top 5 taylor songs? give me details on why! 🎅

hi anon! thanks <3

top 5 is hard because i havent done a formal sorter since post evermore, and so much has changed. so im gonna try and throw something tg

state of grace - i dont think a song can ever top it because to me its so taylor-esque and has that country-pop-rock sound that i love from her "so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong, we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts, but this love is brave and wild" changed the course of my life

august - this song alters my brain chemistry the moment i hear "salt air" at the time i first heard the song i only ever felt like i was august, not in the literal sense but felt mentally discarded by people. the hook "remember when i pulled up and said 'get in the car', ..." is mind-boggling, life-changing, one of a kind songwriting

you're on your own, kid - this was an instant favorite off of midnights. though this song is custom to taylor's experience, there are moments where i know we can all see ourselves. growing up is hard and the world sucks so it fits to a lot of people. the production slow build into a triumphant end feels so right. my mom always said to me how i need to by my own biggest fan, and how i am the only one that is always there with me, every step of the way. it is hard to live by that every day, forget every month, year, etc, but that's why yoyok means to much to me. "i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" still makes me want to tear up every time.

blank space - the hottest pop babe of the catalogue. cruel summer's chaotic older sister that needs to be bailed out of jail. black space is pop perfection, and the blank space/style/ootw trio is one of the most powerful pop tracklisting I've experienced in my listening life, and i think its the best trio of tracklisting in taylor's catalogue. i would love to sing this karaoke one day, but you need to COMMIT to the part. "and you'll come back each time you leave, 'cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" like??? how the fuck was this allowed, this is the sexiest lyric ever. it is hot but instills the fear of life into you.

champagne problems - this song is the saddest tune i love to listen on repeat. this essence of, 'am i the girl who's 'fucked in the head'? will i ruin someone else's life because i cannot commit? am i doomed to this being my reality one day?' is why i come back to it. the piano is gorgeous, lyrics devastating, and has that direct storytelling that i love from taylor. "your midas touch on the chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure, 'this dorm was once a mad house,' i made a joke 'well, it's made for me,' how evergreen our group of friends don't think we'll ever say that word again, and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through: one for the money, two for the show, i never was ready so i watched you go; sometimes you just don't know the answer till someones on his knees and asks you.. 'she would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she'd fucked in the head,' they said but you'll find the real thing instead.. she'll patch up your tapestry that i shred"... you get the picture...

honorable mentions in no particular order: i knew you were trouble, i know places, the lakes, cruel summer, 'tis the damn season, love story, and call it what you want

the folkevermore songs have such a tight grip on me is what i learned from this

also you asked for details so i absolutely wanted to give 'em. thank u bestie.

#bpacksanta #kat answers shit

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suit-lady · 7 years ago

Text

With All My Heart.

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Summary: This is a drabble request from this drabble list (yeah, that’s how old this req is. rip anon im so sorry). #21: “I’m bulletproof... but please don’t shoot me.” and #28: “How drunk was I?” Alternatively, Harrison begins to worry that he might be losing you, and he lets all his feelings out when he’s wasted.

Warnings: Cursing maybe? Drunkenness. Harrison cries. (why do i do this)

Word Count: 1600 exactly (I’m on a roll my dudes)

A/N: This ended up being cuter than I thought it was going to be LMAO... yes I promise this one has a happy ending okay

Finally. After what seemed like an eternity, Tom and your longtime boyfriend, Harrison, were home from filming and press things. They were spending the afternoon and evening being showered in “welcome home”s by their families, but you’d already called the evening. Once they were over at your apartment, they weren’t going home for the night. They knew they were having a few drinks, but you’d pulled a few strings and gotten a whole group of their old college friends together… and they were all extremely ready to party with their old friend Spider-Man.

You greeted the duo at the door after shushing the twenty plus people in your apartment. Once they’d hugged you and gotten the chance to take off their coats, all of your guests jumped out from their hiding places. The yell of “surprise” rang at an incredible volume, and the shock on Tom and Harrison’s faces was beyond worth it. Smiling widely, Haz pulled you into a hug.

“You did this for us?”

“Of course I did, babe.”

You pledged sobriety so that Harrison and Tom would let loose. Spending most of your time DJ’ing and bartending from your spot in the kitchen, you watch your boys have the time of their lives with their friends. They were both smashed by one, but you knew they would be. By two, everyone except your duo had gotten rides home, and you were helping Tom to bed.

“Stay right here, okay?” you told a half-coherent Haz as you slung Tom’s arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah, babe.”

“Fuck, Tom, you need to lay off the boxing.” You drug your friend to the guest room with exactly no help from him. If he hadn’t been still singing some song from The Greatest Showman under his breath, you would have been sure he was passed the fuck out. He did pass out pretty much as soon as you flopped him over onto the bed. “Thanks for the help, buddy,” you said as you covered him up so that he didn’t freeze overnight.

When you came back to Harrison, he was curled up on the couch. You touched his shoulder gently, but he flinched away from you. Frowning, you sat down on the floor next to him. You tried again, much more slowly this time, resting your hand on his shoulder when he seemed to relax.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“I’m bulletproof, but please… don’t shoot me.” His voice was muffled against the couch.

“Haz… What do you mean?” you asked, worry straining your voice.

He shifted, flipping over so quickly that you were taken aback. As he sat up, he took your wrist and pulled you up onto your knees. It was obvious that he’d been crying. On most occasions, Haz wasn’t a sad drunk, so something must be very wrong. He pressed a long, soft kiss to your forehead, and you waited for him to speak.

“Am I enough?” His words echoed with sorrow in the pitch-dark den.

Your heart ached at his words. “Harrison, honey… why would you ever ask me that?”

“Well,” he started as he pulled you up further. You climbed into his lap while he paused, covering his left shoulder in feather-like kisses. “I just… with filming and stuff… I’m not around nearly as much anymore… and I’m just worried that there;s something better for you out there. Y’know? Someone who can be here for you all the time instead of only being able to tell you everything is gonna be okay over a phone call… or worse, just a text message. The time zones are so fucked up, (Y/N), and it makes me so worried that you’re gonna find someone else who can love you all the time when I can only love you sometimes… It’s just not fair to you that I’m leaving you behind all the time and you have to figure out how to do everything without me while I’m off doing these crazy things and having the time of my life with Tom… I just wanna share my life with you… (Y/N), I’m so in love with you, but there are so many nights that I lie awake wondering if that night is gonna be the night that I lose you to someone else.”

His thoughts were a jumbled mess, and he only paused to take in shaky breaths. You guessed he was trying his hardest not to cry. Swallowing down your own tears, you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him as close to you as you could. Your heart was breaking over the fact that he felt like this.

“Harrison, that’s crazy. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t here all the time. I’m in love with you, no matter how many hours ahead or behind you are, no matter how much time a day we get to spend talking to each other, no matter how much life we have to do separate right now. It’s okay. Please, don’t think that I’m gonna leave you over convenience. You’re the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with and absolutely nothing is going to change that.”

You leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “You do?” he whispered after a long pause.

“Of course I do.”

His smile brightened the room like morning sunshine. Standing, he picked you up and spun you around, telling you that he loved you over and over and over again, and you told him you loved him too every single time. His anxiety finally subsiding, he stumbled off to your bedroom and dropped you on the bed before collapsing there himself. Before long, you were both unconscious to the world.

You woke up long before Harrison or Tom, as usual when they had wild nights at your place. To surprise Haz, you went out to the store and bought a gorgeous bouquet of roses and set them out on your kitchen counter. You fixed a lovely hangover breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes, paired with fresh strawberries that you’d grabbed while you were out. Eventually, the smell of delicious food drew your boys into the room. Tom stumbled in first, eyes closed against the bright sunlight filtering into the room. Soon, Harrison followed, massaging his temples with his fingers.

His eyes landed on the roses, and he picked up the little note you’d written him. “Oh, fuck… How drunk was I last night?”

“Well,” you started, rubbing the back of your neck, “just how long had you been keeping that from me?”

“Pal, you didn’t,” Tom said, refilling his coffee mug. “I told you that was fucking ridiculous.”

“You told Tom first?”

Harrison’s eyes shifted to the ground. “I started worrying about it in China in August… And being away for filming for Chaos Walking made it a whole lot worse… Bad enough to make me lose it while drunk… Sorry, babe.”

“Haz, it’s okay… I just want you to know that I agree with Tom, that you’re ridiculous, and that I love you more than anything, okay?”

Harrison pulled you in for a long kiss, one that he only broke because Tom started making gagging noises. “I love you too, (Y/N).”

The morning was mostly uneventful, both Tom and Harrison taking things easy. Tom went straight back to bed after breakfast, grunting when you asked if he wanted any pain meds. Sharing a shrug with your boyfriend, you decided to let him battle the hangover on his own. Your guest bed was really comfortable anyways, and the dark green blinds didn’t let in the slightest bit of light when closed.

After you’d done up the dishes, Haz dragged you back to bed. He insisted on just lying around and cuddling, even though you felt very well-rested and ready to go out and do things. Today, however, you let Harrison have his way because the night before had been… quite eventful. You both shed your sweatpants and cuddled up to each other in your underwear.

“I missed this,” you said at the same time.

The pair of you were silent for a long time, both drifting in and out of sleep. Every once in a while, you would hear Harrison hum in thought. You would always look up expectantly, but he kept shaking his head. After a while, he broke the silence.

“This is really what you want?”

You gave him a look. “Yes, baby. I don’t want anyone else but you, ever.”

“Even if we don’t get to spend every moment together?”

“Yes, of course.”

“No matter how crazy life could get down the road?”

“No matter what.”

“You’re so sure… that you’d maybe say you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?”

You felt your face heat up. “You remember last night.”

“I’m starting to,” he admitted. “Did you really mean that?”

You gently caressed his face. “With all my heart.”

Then, you felt his soft lips against yours. Harrison was usually passionate when he kissed you, but this was different. Confident. As if he was telling you he felt the same way through the kiss. You kissed back with all the intensity you could muster, and the kiss left you both absolutely breathless.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Harrison.”

Two months later, right before he had to leave again, Harrison surprised you with a promise ring, engraved on the inside with the phrase, “With all my heart.” You couldn’t help but cry, and you wore it constantly if only as a reminder of how lucky you were to have him.

Fin.

#harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield #wow i've written so much today ily guys #my shit

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ain · 4 years ago

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hey mei! as always as it seems: it's been some time since you last heard of me! (feels a bit like writing to a penpal in like. 18th century and waiting weeks for responses fdgsg.) i saw your post about having round glasses and my brain went yesss me and my round glasses against the world!!! and i just have to write to you today. 2020 was a bad year for me, even if my mental state improved much from august on (i'm happy to be alive, can you believe?). i sincerely hope you had a good start into 2021 and that this year is kinder to the two of us. i actually want to thank you for having been a part of my 2020 - you and your soft, home-y blog made it a bit better! i'm happy whenever i see the selcky or the 3tears blog icon on my dash. my crush i talked to you about confused me by starting to sing or hum i don't wanna be your friend by girl in red every time she looked at me when i saw her again in november and december but i have decided to keep her as a friend bc i don't think i'd be ready for a relationship atm bc of some personal struggles and the distance. which reminds me: i don't really have any new year's resolutions for this year, except that i want to talk to people more. i made some new friends towards the end of 2020 and noticed that maybe new people... can... like me? as a friend? (wild concept i know!!!) i'm always insecure, shy and awkward and also do not really know how to text (it's stressing me out a bit that i can't see the other person!!) but i think i'm getting better at it and should just try. i'm just gonna shoot you a message sometime in the next two months if i can get over myself, would that be ok? in the meantime, how have you been? is there anything you look forward to this year? i'm sending you my love and a warm hug! ⭐🌿🍊💓🐝 - angel anon

hey angel !! i very much feel like this is a form of letter wriiting to be honest !! on every level except physical we're wearing fancy shirts/dresses in the 1800s and holding fancy fountain pens to write on our fancy parchment paper . i missed you so so so much ! your round glasses are very pretty i bet !!! the power of wearing round glasses ,, wow

2020 was bad for me too but oh my goodness i understand exactly what you mean by the being happy to be alive ! i want that too, i hope 2021 treats us both well !! at the end of the day a year isn't a sapient thing, but at the very least i hope good things happen this year for us that allow us to be as okay and happy as we can be ! i hope both of us keep liking being alive !

i'm so glad this boog helped you through things ! you're part of this home, there's a seat for you at the table, a hook to hang your coat on, a freshly peeled tangerine for you on the kitchen counter . i hope it keeps helping !

and !!! im so glad you made that choice it sounds so healthy honestly ! it makes things more fair for both of you !!! you gotta work on treating yourself the way youd want a lover to treat you before you get into a relationship, and that's a lesson i wish i'd learned before i got into one .

that's a very good and true realisation ! people can indeed like you and care for you and want to befriend you ! and sometimes you have to put yourself out of your current comfort zone to allow for new and valuable experiences ! and yeah that would be very okay !!! no actually it would be great ! you sound like such a cool person and id really love to talk to you more and maybe even be your friend ~ id love it if you did that ♡

i've oddly enough been okay !!! yesterday was such a good day ! today was bad and stressful and kind of sad for the most part . i made the mistake of texting someone who hurt me a lot, hoping they had somehow realised things - nope . but you know, they accused me of things, and they said they did everything for me, and they weren't going to see it any other way . i told them that i care about them, i told them goodnight . and then we blocked each other . "goodnight" was the last thing i said to them and somehow i feel a lot more...at peace ? im still anxious but im okay, and i feel loved, and i know people care about me, and im learning to stand up for myself !!! i like this ending more . "goodnight." i'm learning to be alright . it's a weird thing, letting go, growing up, being 18, and young, and making stupid mistakes, and feeling so old and young at the same time . i fell in love with a stranger recently, briefly, for just a moment . she's beautiful and we talked about violins and maths and i forgot that feeling, the feeling of loving someone new so much even just for a few moments ! but im so glad i felt it again ! i'm...me, and i'm happy about that :)

#asks #anon #angel anon #i missed you !#write to me again okay ?#and !!! i cant wait until you message me aaaaaa !!!!

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theday · 7 years ago

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anyways, ill say bye now... i hope ure well rested and have a good day!! (wait, i remember what i wanted to ask!! at least i think this is what i wanted to ask? anywys, do u know what u want to do now that ure finished w school? if u dont mind me asking, of course, i understand if u think its a bit personal!) ok, now im done, have a good day!! take care and stay hydrated!! (and now i really did send u a bunch of asks..)

omg i hope u dont mind but ill be answering the stuff from ur last ask here (the one where i… deleted everything) under cut bc itll be 2x longer now

so first !!!!! how i got into kpop!!! it was thanks to my good pal (@.briwoon) boxy! i follow her on twitter and despite her being a day6 stan twt i had her unmuted anyway bc.. after years of being an anime blog on tumblr and seeing all my anime mutuals slowly converting into kpop blogs one by one i was able to filter the kpop out of my brain?? smth like that since back then i wasnt into kpop and i didnt want to unfollow since im mutuals with most of them :-0

another backstory - i was one of those people who never saw themselves getting into kpop? and i think the main reason was bc i thought liking kpop would make u seem lame?? due to the influence from people around me?? but as years went by and as my mutuals changed interests it stopped bothering me and that mindset kind of just? faded away bc who am i to call other people’s happiness bad?? but despite being okay with it i never really made the move to get into any groups lmao that was until i got tired of my interest at that time (seiyuu, japanese voice actors) and my interests would always. not last?? idk so maybe thats why i didnt want to get invested but it happened regardless

anyway usually i wouldnt take notice of her rts but this . this beautiful man with orange hair and minion glasses caught my eye when i was scrolling through my timeline and i was like o worm? oh mu god? hes beautiful? so i slid into her dms and asked her whomst the beautiful man was and she sent me all their mvs after that from congratulations to i smile (the most recent mv at that time, late june) for me to watch :-D now at that time, from what little knowledge i had of kpop.. i understood that groups would be singing and dancing so i was prepared to see some sick moves or smth?? but then. i clicked on miss i smile and my wig flew off? bc… wtf.? they were playing instruments???? and they sounded good ??? so i was like oh my god? a band??????

before day6 i also had (have) a preference for bands and the way their music sounds so i was like?? ready to just. get on board yknow?? i watched how can i say and i saw the lanky noodle wearing glasses and i was like o fuck mu life? i caved and asked boxy for their names and other information and best decision of my life bc.. they really make me happy!!! after that like the day after ? myabe they did a vlive and i was like o shit? what do i do… so i downloaded the vapp and wowie i love it? its my second home…… i watched every vlive they had at that time and i thought that was a lot… (it isnt, compared to mx) and i was just rly content??

(ok i know u asked for kpop and not … day6 or other groups bc im gonna talk abt how i got into mx and astro too bc…… how can i Not.. u can skip this part tho i just wanna ramble abt my loves? ill tell u when u can continue)

that was peak happiness for me at that time.. until… boxy started talking about monsta x in our groupchat (with @.tokayhk) and she would just ramble abt this kihyun fella (who i vaguely knew bc my real life friend likes him and mx and i bought her his pc before along with the guilty clan part 2) so i was like hmm interesting… and honestly? i wasnt going to get into monsta x i really wasnt planning on asking her abt them (since i was scared id lose interest in day6 right after) but then.. she started linking videos and i .. my resolve crumbled down as i heard monsta x yelling and … this beautiful cover (which boxy sent to show us how powerful kihyuns vocals are but i was 2 focused on mister aka minhyukku) and she told us how funny these monsta men are and i was like o h no…………….. eventually one day in late august i asked her to tell me more about these monstas…… aftert that i watched every mxray episode (starting from season 2 bc i dont know 1 comes before 2) and even though i didnt know anyone who was on screen except jooheon i found it really funny and?? it made me laugh so much i love mx?? ya… boxys kind of like my guardian angel?? shes really the reason im living tbh… introducing me to all these lovely people?? thank u miss boxy i love u

now. for the astrosus….. they were a bit different.. because i didnt have boxys help and they were the first group i took interest in solely bymyself so i knew i was in for a wild ride (at first, i couldnt even differentiate brian from sungjin in day6 lmao) after stanning monsta x and day6 i became more?? open to kpop and i started watching unhelpful guides on youtube bc . they were funnie and idk its nice??/ and i stumbled upon the astro one (which wasnt that funny but more helpful than anythng) and i was like. oh worm? the cicada group… bc i watched a short clip of them catching that stupid cicada in their office as it appeared on my tl one day so i clicked on the video ..and after watching that it led me to another video of astro being extra for 6 minutes and those six minutes/????? best six minutes of my life because theyre so fnny and they made me laugh a lot? (combined with the editing from op) so bc they were funnie i decided to look them up and read their profiles/??? i watched their nimdle video and only knew mj bc his tag was the two letters m and j lol but it really made me bust both of my lungs i just?? laughed A Lot

im not sure how i managed to put name to face so quickly but it mightve been bc after the nimdle videos i watched every ddoca and astro play as well as their vlives available bc.. i just inhale the content at godspeed??

for mx and astro i was drawn in by their personalities before their music because they were on more variety shows and had more chances to show dorky they all are which made it way quicker for me to fall for the two groups??? for day6 its a bit sad but the weekly scheduled vlives arent enough for me to tell what kind of people they are (although those r still hilarious) i just wish they would go on more variety shows?? its understandable if they themselves dont want to be on any shows though!!! i love all 3 groups with all my heart :-D

ok if u skipped u can start from here ill be answering the questions now lmao

FIRSTof all,,,,, youre learning how to drive?? thats so cool >:-0 we’re not allowed to learn until we’re like...?? 18?? or 21 idk but not so Soon :-( and its cute u think abt me (or of what to say) but pleaseth stay safe... i hope ur driving lessons go smoothly until u end theM!!! hopefully youll be able to get ur licence :-D

aNDD!!! the thought of drinking warm tea when its cold outside.. is so ?? nice to think about hecc u better drink that tEA and enjoy it !!!! stay warm and comfy miss RM ..... and it even snows there????? thats so cool tbh ?? (i love snow but maybe thats bc it doesnt snow here so i dont know the tru evil of snow but like.... its so.... white and fluffy??) i would ask u 2 take pics and show me but alas...... the time is not right :-( do u know when we’re allowed to expose ourselves?? i forgot rip... but its sometime next month right im excited???? since its near my birthday !!!!!

ok now to answer this ask no i actually have no clue what i want to be after i finish school?? yikEs but last year i (jokingly) said i wanted to be a farmer??? idk if i might actually do that probably not i guess im just freestyling (going with the flow) for now we’ll see where life takes me

and like i said u can ask me anything !!! im fine with it :-) alsooooo please dont ever feel bad about sending too many asks bc its a lovely thing to wake up to and i just?? get rly happy when i see all the asks in my activity :-D!!

#asks #rachel maria #oohh my this got really long #its already the next day so ill quickly answer the nxt set

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