#ate is one of a freaking kind. shes so funny and fabulous

[ticklepinions]

ok why do you support two of the most toxic writers in the community? It’s confusing. You’re a nice person so it’s a bit weird to see. Dani and Inthecloset are both very overwhelming people.

Really? Like seriously dude?

You're entitled to your opinion and all that jazz but tell me what this is supposed to do? Like what are your goals??? Do you want me to hate them too???

Life is so short. So very short and I, personally, am not gonna waste it by hating on people. It's exhausting don't you think?

As for why I support them, I love them. I love their work, I love the content the create. I love their personalities and thoughts and aspirations. I love everything about them. And they deserve every ounce of love I have to offer them.

If you particularly don't like them, fine. Valid. Block button is your friend. However, it's just really petty to come into my askbox, badmouthing people. I don't care if you think it's warranted or not. I am an autonomous being, fully capable of making informed decisions. I appreciate your "concern" but I'm fine; currently living my best life with content creators I support and enjoy.

I mean honestly just get to know them and maybe you can understand them better? Idk man but just don't do shit like this ever again.

Everyone out here is just trying their best to be. Let's normalize distancing ourselves from people we may dislike without the need or want to tear them down.

[desire-tenderness]

𝔹𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕖

{This is a fanfic dreamed and desired. All I write about is my feelings, sensations and desires.  TEXT BY: L.M} Day 1 - Embark on the dazzle. October 9, 2023, Monday. I am exhausted, the recording will begin on Tuesday at 11 am. I think I slept only 3 hours and 20 minutes or I’m just kicking it out loud. This was a very tiring trip I confess. Maybe because it was almost a change of two months and a week. On the bright side, the production has provided a nice apartment for me to live in. My new home is beautiful and comfortable, one block away from Crescent Street, here in Montreal - Canada. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m finally having the opportunity to work with Xavier Dolan, I left my family in Brazil to embark on this dream, I already miss them. I should tell you that I have no idea of the cast that will be on this project, but the script looks fabulous. Before I embarked on this opportunity, I realized a portion of the dream. I and 7 other members of the team dined with Dolan last Thursday, debated the first decupagents and agendas. We had already read the script before the meeting, is it a low-budget experimental drama, and honestly? I lost my breath. I’m not in the position of art director I’ve always dreamed of, but I’m in the position where I have full knowledge and experience. Curious, I am not trembling with nerves, I am completely at peace with this realization. However, very anxious. We’re less than two hours away from reuniting in Saint-Laurent with the cast of "A race by Joseph". [.... ] - Less than two hours later. Okay, I’m about to get my guts out from all the nerves. I’ve heard of some names on the list of actors, including Troye Sivan, Vincent Cassel, and Louise Coldefy. The team is sensational and fucking, Xavier is like a master for me. I need to make these days my best college. I’m at home/rental number six, it’s wonderful. I can see two cars coming through the window, and "God bless me so that Suzanne Clément is in this cast" [Spoiler, I wasn’t, I had to accept], I think I’m going to have an anxiety attack, I need to splash water on my face. I lost count of how many times I filled my hands with water and threw it in my face, I needed to understand that I was really living this moment. I came out of the bathroom apprehensive. Céline handed me a cup of tea mix of Sage, Eucalyptus, Lemon Peel and said "Hey, relax, I’ll see you in the living room.. ah, one more thing, don’t freak out". I feel a chill creeping all over my body as I walk through the door frame. Everyone was waiting for me in the room so we could debate the first two weeks of the recording. I could feel my legs swaying to the point of not having enough sustenance to stand. Timothée Chalamet was sitting on the arm of Dolan’s armchair in silence, reading what would be the 4°page of some document. Quickly he gets up and presents himself squeezing my hand gently. Silence has taken over the environment, I don’t remember my name. [I remembered! ] It was remarkable how difficult he was to pronounce it, it made it all very comical, in seconds we were all laughing. At that time, other cast members performed, but my thoughts were so far away that I don’t know if I missed any important information. [Damn, how many questions are going through my head right now? I don’t even have control over them. Stop! Focus, your future depends on this delivery. ]

[.... ] With the passing of the hours I was reasonably more relaxed and with an unparalleled feeling of gratitude for what was happening to me. We discussed the script, much of it together, the day was very productive. I kept looking at him, he’s so funny and authentic, I feel comfortable now. Obviously we wouldn’t be friends, he wouldn’t notice an assistant director [even though I’m the director’s right-hand man]. The team will be dining with the cast soon, it’s 5:47 pm and I haven’t been able to confirm my presence at this dinner. What’s my problem?! Celine: You’ll go, right? We’ll go home together and unpack. Me: Oh Céli, I don’t think I will. I have a lot to pack, tomorrow starts the recordings and I want to do everything right. Celine: No, you are not going to organize things by yourself. Nor has dinner there in the house, let’s eat please, I’m starving. Think you need to catch up! Me: Relax Celi, I’ll do things in my time, have a wine while I cook something and sleep early. Look, Wednesday we won’t record.. We can go downtown and get a quick look at the city, what do you think? Celine: You’re hopeless. Well, I’ll tell you about it. Arriving at the apartment I opened all the windows, and went to cook thinking about what the following days would be like. I decided then that I should not intensify anything, it could disrupt me at work and I can’t let my impulsive Aryan side get out of hand. I decided to go to the disco and see what the last song the host of the apartment heard. Well, did you start playing Nick Drake’s Pink Moon and honestly? I can’t let the pink moon get me. Fuck, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life, it’s as fascinating as on screens or in photographs. [Stop! Concentrate. ] [...] 00:01 am The wine bottle is 98% empty now. I have not yet fallen asleep and Celine is already in her 8th deepest sleep. I need to sleep. She said that they were so energized, that the team’s relationship is great and that she ate a delicious Poutine, I found it very courageous for those who will spend the whole day recording tomorrow.  [I’m laughing alone while imagining a disaster] I will sleep and tomorrow will be the first day of my life. I swear I was born now and suddenly everything changed. Things will be built from now on. Timothée Chalamet? I hear you’re a good actor, I don’t know you. Good night and see you soon.

Part 2

Day 50 - And I’m probably happy, could it be different? November 27, 2023, Friday. There are times I do not write in this "virtual diary", my days are super busy. Today we finish the work a little earlier, we finish the movie! I think it’s 4:00 now. Right, and why did I come back to write? Well, I wanted to forget the feeling that took me completely 50 days ago. But today something has happened that does not allow me to escape any feeling that exists here. Louise is severely ill, Christ! We’re at the end of the shoot, she’s Timothée’s date, missing four takes of a kiss between them for her last acting scene. Dolan needed two different angles and he didn’t have a voice voice available so suddenly. Louise and I have very similar hair and what I feared went through Dolan’s mind. "Be the Double" he said. Yeah, Chalamet and I kissed today, and, hell, there was no professionalism on my part or for a millisecond, I feel terrible! I felt like I had been thrown out of a plane and I was in a free fall. My heart had never accelerated so much. My fantasy almost made me believe that one of the butterflies in my stomach was coming out of my mouth 1 minute later. Holy shit! [What if it was not reciprocal? Of course it was not, silly! We are friends. ] I’m so pissed about it, I’ll tell them why.

All these days I’ve really become friends with Timothée, can you believe it? I’ve always been very afraid to talk to him because he doesn’t find me interesting enough. But we have an unusual tune. We had a lot of coffee together, a lot of claquettes I hit due to recording mistakes, we went out with the guys several times, even "alone" and that’s okay, we talked about Brazil and he made sure to go there anytime, I even smoked one of his cigarettes, even hating cigarettes. We were talking about how funny Vincent is and how amazing he is, and we were talking about how they were both working for the first time with Xavier Dolan. We laughed at stupid things until the belly hurt and even bet race in the parking lot next to the location. [He won, of course, has huge legs].

One day we were together cutting fruit for the rest of the team on the set as we talked about Georges de La Tour, "That ordinary painter" I said, and he gave a delicious laugh. He’s much simpler than I thought he could be, carries an admirable humility. And I swear, it was fine, because I was fascinated by that friendship and I could feel that it would last for many years. I’ve learned to deal with your stunning beauty. I liked the way he accepted me and had fun with me. He didn’t think I was silly. I was working for a salary and a bright future, and suddenly I felt I had won the lottery until that moment after the kiss. I feel like I’m failing at my resolve. To finish screwing with my mind, Celine told me something that made me much more sensitive about a feeling that, I swear, once again, I had managed to forget. Although I often fantasized that a mood was going on, I knew it was impossible. He definitely sees me as the cool girl makes him laugh and that he can truly trust. Celine: Look. I, for recklessness, overheard Timothée talking to Troye about you. I did not hear enough but I must say that your tone of voice was of pure indignation... Troye said, "She’s the kind of girl you want so much, you feel sorry for". Me: God damn it, did he hate my kiss?! I’m going to die, Celine! Troye clearly should be making fun of the situation. Who am I supposed to show up at Dolan’s tomorrow for dinner? Celine: Calm friend, you are traveling.. I have noticed things and I will not open my mouth. Everything will be fine, seriously.. kiss the chalamet? How can you be angry about that? [laughed] By the way, tomorrow after dinner, I’ve arranged to spend the night at Julie’s, do you want to go? Me: Oh.. I’m not in the mood to hear Julie talk all night about the new vegan recipes, sorry, pal. Celine: Okay.. I won’t bring you nice things. [My phone vibrated. I was reluctant to look, but it could be work.. ] Text Msg Timothée: I hope you’re okay, you seemed strange going away. Want to talk? By the way, you did well in tonight’s performance, you should try harder. Me: Says my angel, how are you? I am well, of course I am. [laughs nervously and it was noticeable] I was just nervous to have to act for Dolan and know that I will see myself on a movie screen, even if at closed angles. By the way, Mr. Chalamet, thank you very much. I have the seal of approval that interests me hahah Msg of text Timothée: I like it. See you tomorrow? Me: Yes, of course, until tomorrow! Msg of text Timothée: [video uploaded]

Part 3

Day 51 - Ecstasy, landscape of the soul. November 29th, 2023, Sunday morning. I don’t know how to write about how last night went.. I was upset, but I remember everything. I won’t be able to keep this journal after that I’ll tell. We were all gathered at Dolan’s house, drinking and laughing a lot, toasting to finish this incredible project. I already felt completely dizzy and with the warm body, things kept spinning in my head, it was so beautiful. He wore a leather jacket over the green sweatshirt, had a golf cap (Odd Future) hanging on one of the pants straps where his belt was, the black jeans almost on his knee and a red vans, and that hair.. that hair! It’s like a restless ocean. I was wishing to walk across the room and kiss him again with all the intensity that belongs to me, he would like it this time. My body was on fire, suddenly I was frozen, it’s coming toward me. I knew I could spoil any conversation by being totally random and awkward, I was dying of shame in advance. Timothée: Are you happy? Me: Sure, congratulations! You did a great job, I’m very proud of all of you. Timothée: Thank you, but none of this would have been the same if you weren’t on the team, right? Me: Right! [Cheers] [Silence] Timothée: What are you thinking right now? Me: Who you are, Where you’re from, don’t care what you Did as long as you love me..[I started singing As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys, really?] Timothée: Oh my God! [He laughed almost for the world to hear]. Are you going to Julie’s with Céline? There’s going to be a vegan class. I’d like a pizza, okay? Me: Look.. I also wanted a pizza instead of vegan food.. But I’m getting dizzy and I think I’m gonna go home and do my drunken show in the shower. Timothée: Ah.. Right, you’re dizzy, but you still know how many fingers you have here? [He did an 8 with his fingers] Me: Yes, of course. I’m fine, man, I’m weak but not that weak. Give me a skateboard there! [I screamed, and they didn’t take me seriously] Timothée: So.. we can go for a coffee to break the alcohol and fill the stomach with a piece of pizza, what do you think? Me: Wooah! Come on, send world pizza! [I couldn’t say no, I was completely taken. ]     We got to what used to be a kind of blinker-light coffee, it had a super-hot vibe. We sat down and made the request, we laughed drunk and said nothing that made sense, I felt our friendship alive again. However, the silence and the exchange of looks came, so we could hear the music that played in the background. It was "And I Love Her" by the Beatles”. Suddenly he began to sing. Timothée: "She gives me Everything and Tenderly. The Kiss my Lover brings, she brings to me and I love her." Me: Yeah.. beautiful music. You sing over and over again better than me. When did you start playing music? [My hands started sweating] Timothée: [he laughed] Are you all right? Me: Timmy. .ah.. I think I’m going home to take another shower, rest and call my family, I don’t know. Timothée: Okay, I’ll accompany you, I can’t let you go back alone so late. Me: You don’t need my angel. I’m a ninja! [I made the shameful gesture of a martial coup and tripped. The truth is I wanted him to insist] Timothée: Without that [laughed] let’s go!

We got to the apartment, he came up with me and put his coat on the couch. I offered him water, am I pathetic? He said he did not want to, but that if possible, he would like to stay. I felt as if we were talking by telepathy, I am not crazy. He feels the same. I said he could stay, even super apprehensive. I took two cigarettes from Kumbaya that I made on Tuesday and shouted from the room "let’s get some air on the balcony while we smoke!?". Upon returning to the room, he had put Cigarettes after sex to play, silently. Nothing but the music. Breaths. Another dose of silence. My body pumped blood with so much speed, [says something] I thought. He touched my right hand and looked at me. Those green eyes made me feel warm inside as never before. I got up the courage to pull him to the balcony that led to the fire escape. The sky was beautiful and the wind touching our faces was like a sky giveaway, I needed that fresh night air. Timothée: Do you need me to say it? I can say it. Me: I know what you’re going to say and I’m terrified. You want me too. Timothée: I want to. You make me feel good. I feel my presence truly when I share a moment with you. "Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m going to feel in my life. And from now on, I won’t feel anything new. " Me: I promise that one day I will feel that everything is right. but it feels so wrong. Man, I feel like I’m living a fanfic, and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and none of this ever happened, or worse, if it’s real, our friendship being compromised by what’s possibly going to happen here. He put his hands on my face, kissed my forehead. Timothée: The heart is not like a box that fills, L. It expands in size, the more you love someone. I’m different from you. It doesn’t make me love you any less. It actually makes me love you more. I want you. Me: Right.. We are here only briefly, and at this moment I want to allow myself joy. I want that, Timothée. And I promise that one day I will feel like everything is fine. He lovingly bowed to touch his lips to mine. Feeling those soft lips against mine, it was almost like an apocalyptic sensation, the world could end right there, would have no problem. We kissed as we entered through the large window of the room, the first pieces of clothing filling the lonely floor of the room. The music Sunsetz conducted our intimate dance. The words "you have to do the right thing, do the right thing" started to disappear from my head.

I feel overflowing out of the body, sensitive, I am under the effect of exaltation, very intense feelings of joy, pleasure, admiration, reverent awe... Timothée. I truly love him. We are lying on the living room floor, apparently wrapped in a curtain that has been disastrously removed. Timothée, his breath is hot, the sound coming out of his mouth shivers my body. We were like the painting of Egon Schiele - Gli Amanti (L'Abbraccio).

Blackout. Light. The voice of an angel reaches my ear. My eyes open. He looked at me in silence, I could smell his mildly sweet citrus smell all over the room. Its aroma stimulates my sensations. Timothée: I’ll make you a cup of coffee. I’ll be careful with the amount of sugar, it’ll be just the way you like it. Keep lying down, angel. Geez, what happens now? I don’t know, he doesn’t know, you don’t know. Anyway, I feel complete.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Ninety Five

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

October 13th, 2000

Remy resisted the urge to bang his head against the desk in boredom. His professor hated him, he knew all of this, and he couldn’t wait to get out of here so he could just chill in his dorm room, or maybe eat. He needed a break.

“Mister Picani?” the professor cut through his thoughts.

“Hm?” Remy asked, looking back to the front.

“Do you have the answer?” the professor asked impatiently.

“Depends on the question,” Remy replied.

The kids laughed, and the professor’s lips thinned into a line. “See me after class,” he said.

Remy sighed as the professor moved on. Bored and now in trouble, too.

Great.

  January 20th, 2004

Remy did his best to give a stern glance to himself in the mirror, but only wound up wincing as he saw what he looked like. He was wearing a nice suit, complete with one of Emile’s non-cartoon-themed ties. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to do today, but this look wasn’t cutting it.

“How you doing, Rem?” Emile asked from the edge of the bedroom.

“I feel like a monkey in a suit,” Remy said, gripping the ceramic counter and snarling at his reflection. “I don’t want to go into the school looking like this.”

“You know, you don’t have to impress your old business professor,” Emile pointed out. “Just because he asked you to answer some questions from the up-and-coming business students doesn’t mean that you have to deal with,” Emile gestured vaguely to Remy’s reflection. “This.”

Remy undid the tie and sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” he said. “But can I really go in there with a blouse and slacks and expect to be taken seriously?”

Emile shrugged. “If you walk in there with confidence, probably,” he said. “Besides, most of the business students already look at you like you’re a celebrity. You’ve got this.”

Remy sighed and nodded, pulling the tie out of his collar. “You know what? You’re right. I’ll save the suits for weddings,” he said decisively. He stripped as he exited the bathroom, and was in nothing but his briefs by the time he went to the closet. He pulled out a pair of slacks that made him feel more cute than sophisticated, and pulled out that wild diagonal light-blue-and-purple blouse with all the ruffles. “Now this... this I can get behind.”

Emile snickered as Remy slid the blouse down his arms. “What?” Remy asked with an embarrassed blush.

“I’m not laughing at you,” Emile rushed to assure. “I just find it funny that your business professor is going to have to walk you into a classroom full of eager students, you dressed up in a blouse and those slacks that make your butt look fabulous, and admit that he failed to teach you and you still became successful.”

Remy absorbed that information, before offering Emile a shy grin. “Okay, you’re right, that’s kinda funny,” he admitted.

Emile grinned. “See? You’re gonna kill it, Rem. I know you, and I know enough about that class from you ranting to me about it when we were freshmen.”

“If you say so...” Remy said with a little shrug. “I don’t know about killing it, but I’m definitely going to make that professor red in the face, and that makes it all worth it.”

Emile kissed Remy’s cheek and helped him with the last button on the blouse, before leaving Remy to pull up the slacks. “Ready for breakfast?” he asked.

Remy nodded, and the two of them went downstairs, Emile cooking up the eggs while Remy made the toast, because Remy didn’t want to get any grease splatter on his nice blouse. They ate in the kitchen standing up, just like old times in their apartment, and Remy hummed. “You’re getting better at eggs, Emile, I gotta admit,” he said with a little grin.

“Thank you, I do try,” he said. “It’s not fair to make you make all the meals we have, after all, not with your job.”

Remy shrugged. “I don’t mind most days, but I see your point,” he allowed.

They went to the car and Remy fidgeted only a little. He was admittedly, worried. He was an out and proud gay man at the shop, but now? He wasn’t going to the shop, he was going to a college classroom full of freshmen, who weren’t as open and exposed to things like the LGBT community if they didn’t go looking for that. And it was a little scary, thinking that today, he was gonna have to show to these freshmen what gay and successful looked like. Whether he wanted to be or not, he was going to be making an impression on these kids.

“Hey, you’re gonna do great, Rem,” Emile reassured.

“I know,” Remy groaned. “It just...it sucks that I have to make an impression on these kids, while barely being more than a kid myself.”

“Yeah,” Emile agreed. “I think if this becomes a regular thing, you’ll cringe at your first presentation eventually, but you’d get it done. You’re freaking amazing, Remy. I have no doubt that you’ll make a good impression. And if you have to make an impression, I’d prefer a good one to a bad one.”

Remy nodded, swallowing. They went to the college campus, and Remy’s ears were roaring as his heart pounded. It looked the same as ever, but it felt different to Remy, returning as not a student, not a ride, not a boyfriend, but a guest lecturer. “Oh, God,” he breathed.

Emile smiled, walking with him to the business building. “I’ve gotta get to my classes, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” Emile promised. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Remy said, getting a quick kiss from Emile before walking inside the business building.

He felt somewhat self conscious, dressed the way he was, but he walked down the hall until he saw his old professor, shaking his hand. “Good to see you again, Professor Fleming.”

“You too, Remy,” his old professor said. “You were one of my worst students, but also one of my favorites. I knew you could do something like this if only you applied yourself.”

“I guess you were right,” Remy said with a long-suffering sigh.

“What was that? Didn’t quite hear you,” Professor Fleming said with a smug grin.

“You heard me,” Remy grumbled.

“Nice to hear it, too,” he said. “Shall we go in? This will be all my business class students who are taking one hundred one level. I made sure you wouldn’t have to do this more than once over the course of the week.”

That made the whole prospect slightly more terrifying, but Remy nevertheless nodded. “Sure. May as well give it a shot.”

Professor Fleming walked in, and Remy followed behind him. The whole class quieted when they saw Remy, slouching against the professor’s desk in a bright blouse and dress pants. Remy could feel a slight heat building up in his ears. “Class, this is Remy Picani, the local store owner of Sleep Easy. Behave yourselves when you ask questions,” the professor said, giving the class a stern glance, before moving to sit in a seat in the front row of the classroom.

“Okay...right,” Remy said. “You all by now know my name, and most of you will probably forget it over the duration of the lecture. That’s okay, so long as you remember that I make a mean cuppa joe.” Ripples of laughter went through the class. Remy smiled, relaxing into a more natural pose. “Now, I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I am the exception, not the rule, okay? College isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. But if you think you can drop out of college, start out on your own from nothing and become a successful business owner? Think again. I only got the property I did through my fiancé’s trust fund. And I only knew what I did about business because I read through all the books that were on the recommended reading list before I even went to college. So don’t look at me, go, ‘If he can do it, why can’t I?’ and try to follow in my footsteps. Not least because of the fact that I value my position as the only small business café on Main Street.” More laughter. “But go on, fire away some questions. I don’t have a structure for these sorts of things, this is actually my first lecture. We’ll go about this process together.”

A hand went up and Remy pointed to the girl. “Exactly how much math goes into running a business?” she asked.

“More than I’d like,” Remy said, laughing. “No, but. In all seriousness, it’s a lot of math. Not only to keep track of sales versus costs, but also number of people each day, reviews, and cash flow. There’s... so much math. It’s exciting, in a daunting kind of way. Like, I had the sort of mind that could have been an accountant. I would have been bored to tears, but I could do those sorts of equations. And make no mistake: you have to be good with those sorts of things in order to get through the other side of business that no one talks about.”

Another hand, and Remy pointed at the guy. “What inspired you to start the business?”

“A string of bad luck and upper management not taking me seriously as potentially becoming one of them,” Remy replied. “They didn’t want me running a shop, even though I knew everything that went into it. So I made my own.”

Another. “Why are you wearing a blouse?”

Remy turned red as murmurs went through the classroom. The professor coughed. “Let’s stick to the business side of things, please,” he said.

“No, it’s fine, I’ll answer,” he said. “I feel more comfortable and confident in this blouse than I do wearing suits. And since I’m my own boss, I can do that sort of thing.”

The questions he answered were mostly business focused, but there was the occasional jab at his dress or his sexuality. It was no secret that he and Emile had their kiss published in the paper.

One hand went up, and Remy inwardly cringed, as he could see the silver cross dangling from her neck. “Yes?” he asked her.

“Is there anyone you don’t allow in your shop?” she asked.

Remy relaxed a little. “Sure. People who are mean to the staff don’t exactly get welcomed in my shop. And then there are the loiterers, who I have to shoo off from time to time. And of course, there’s the homophobes...”

“You don’t allow people who disagree with being gay in your store?” she asked. “Isn’t that bad for business?”

“It’s a college town, I manage,” Remy said with a weak smile.

“But you’re shutting them out for their religious beliefs,” the girl protested. “That’s discrimination.”

“Actually, it’s not. Because you can choose to be accepting of gay people. You can’t choose being gay. There’s a difference,” Remy pointed out. “So I don’t let homophobes who are blatantly homophobic in my shop. Of course, hanging up queer art around the place from local artists probably doesn’t endear my shop to them any.”

“But—”

“Kid, what’s your name?” Remy interrupted.

“Shirley. And I’m not a kid,” she huffed.

Remy shrugged. “Your mental development is years of difference from mine, so to me, you’re a kid. Look. You’re in college now. You’ll find that a lot of people around you will do things you don’t agree with. A lot of people will be things you were taught were bad. And they’re not. You don’t have to join in, you don’t have to be that if you don’t want to be. But your personal opinions shouldn’t dictate anybody else’s experience. I don’t allow homophobes in my shop because I’m gay. I don’t feel safe around them, and like I said, it’s a college town. I manage. But I really don’t want you walking away from this thinking you should discard everything I say because I’m a ‘sinner.’ I may be gay, but I’m also a business man. And those two may have overlap in some places, but by and large they don’t. So don’t dismiss me right off the bat. Sound good?”

The girl sank in her seat and shrugged. “Shirley, see me after the class, all right?” Professor Fleming said. “Thank you for being understanding, Remy, I’m sorry about that.”

“Hey, I’m always trying to educate when I get the chance,” Remy joked.

The rest of the lecture went off without a hitch, and when Emile came over to drop Remy off the keys to the car, Remy felt bold enough to kiss Emile’s cheek. Professor Fleming smiled. “Would you be willing to do this again next semester?” he asked.

“Absolutely!” Remy agreed.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Savior of the Cake/Other Blind Mishaps

Hello Friends, so yesterday was my birthday. And, spoilers, it’s definitely the best one I’ve had in my 25 years of living.

Birthdays aren’t something I got to enjoy as a kid, so making the most of them in my adulthood has been important to me. And because of the CORVID-19 crisis and quarantine, I was afraid this one wouldn’t go well.

It went beautifully!

I got to have a small gathering of my closest friends (minus one, but she lives very far away). Three of them share an apartment, so we were able to go there and keep everything as isolated as possible.

So here’s one fun part of the story- the cake. I’ve had three birthday cakes in all my life now and this is my favorite one. Red velvet cake with chocolate icing and a sunflower on top. Sunflowers are my favorite flower.

So, here’s the thing about the cake and my blind mishap:

[Image Description: photo of the cake on a white marble counter. The icing sunflower takes up the entire top of the cake with three rows of yellow petals and eight small green leaves poking out. The leaves serve as markers to suggest where to cut the cake. The icing is a medium chocolate color, with dark chocolate icing decorating the bottom edge. No birthday writing or candles, because I didn’t want anything to mess with the sunflower. End Image Description]

I ordered it a week in advance and picked it up yesterday. We took that along with an early dinner (take out) to my friends’ apartment. I was carrying the cake, my friends were carrying dinner and drinks. 

But here’s the thing: my friends’ apartment has this ridiculous and completely unnecessary step separating the living room from the rest of the apartment, AND I AM BLIND.

And I fucking tripped while carrying that cake!

I tripped and landed on my knees, cake still in balanced in both of my arms. And for the half second it took to process what happened, all four of my friends were freaking out about me. I managed to get K to take the cake into the kitchen while I kind of mentally collected myself.

K checked on the cake and here’s the results: there was not a single scratch on that cake. That photo is taken from after falling. I held that cake perfectly.

On the other hand, when K tried to help me up I couldn’t get my footing right and fell a second time and had to just sit on the floor for a moment and figure it all out.

But I was fine. A few small bruises on my knees, but fine all the same.

Did thoroughly remind me of the time I tripped on a sidewalk curb in bright daylight two and a half years ago, the incident that convinced my mum that I should get a cane (because I’d been arguing for it for the last month but she wasn’t ready to accept what was happening, and then I came home with two bleeding and horribly bruised knees, and we ordered my cane that day).

I’ve visited their apartment aplenty, and except for the first day I’ve never had trouble with that step, but this time I just miscalculated were I was or forgot just long enough that I tripped. But all was fine.

Anyway, I’m sharing this because I like most of my blind stories and think they’re at least a little funny and worth enjoying/telling others.

Why is the title Savior of the Cake? Mostly because I’ve been singing Black Parade to myself every time I wash my hands. As one does.

Other Birthday Things:

My county passed an ordinance saying there would be no unnecessary social gatherings that same day (literally minutes before we arrived at my friends’ apartment). So bars are closed, some stores are closed, restaurants are only doing take-out. Kinda not the thing you want to see happen on your birthday, but it worked out just fine.

“Yeah, no necessary social-gatherings is the new rules,” S said.

“It’s Mimzy’s birthday, that’s a necessary social gathering,” A said.

While on the phone with a friend, S said, “Yeah, I have an illegal birthday party going on at my apartment. Five people in the same room.”

S is making an apocalypse playlist, which so far has a fair amount of punk and different genres of EDM. If any of you have any cheery but vaguely eerie songs to recommend for the playlist, send me an ask and I’ll check them out.

There were actually a lot of theoretical ideas on surviving an apocalypse. My job will apparently be records keeping and maintaining computer servers, should we gain access to some.

We played games, ate cake, and were merry.

It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had. I’m so unbelievably grateful for my friends.

My mum got me a birthday card that included this quote: “You’re a fabulous writer, and an incredible son/daughter/child/offspring!”

[Image Description: photo of birthday card cover. A drawing of a purple cat with a big round face. The cat’s cheeks are colored with blue stripes. There are stars and triangles drawn on the purple cat in glitter gold and black ink. The cat has a sleepy content look in their eyes. End Image Description]

The artist of the card is Laurel Burch, and she’s well known for her colorful cat drawings. My mum has a mug and a wall tapestry of her making. Also a teapot, but the teapot was damaged an no longer holds water, so it’s kept on display. I recommend checking her art out. The link to her website is here.

[lost-in-time-marie]

Into the Shadows: Chapter Three

         “Okay, so what’s going on with you and James?” Natasha asked, eyeing his slim, muscular frame from our table in the middle of the mall food court.

         “What do you mean?” I replied, dumbfounded, taking a bite of my extremely messy, extremely delicious burger.

         “You guys have been inseparable since he got here weeks ago,” Natasha clarified leaning close, intrigued. I laughed. Natasha sat across from me at a plastic food court table, picking at fries. Loud voices echoed around the tall room, restaurants surrounded us, and people weaved around one another trying to reach their destinations. The mall was busy on Saturday afternoons, full of teenagers free of school for the weekend.

         “I don’t know, I guess I understand what it’s like to be the new kid in school, having moved like six thousand times myself. I didn’t want to leave him scrambling all by himself to fit in and find friends,” I replied with a shrug, stealing a fry off Natasha’s plate.

         Natasha snorted, smacking my hand away, “With a face like that he wouldn’t have had any trouble finding friends.”

         “I wanted him to have real friends; it’s my instinct to help. Besides, I was a little intrigued too,” I smiled. Natasha rolled her eyes.

         “More like you thought he was hot,” Natasha muttered around a mouth full of fries.

“Speaking of thinking people who are hot, what’s going on with you and Aleks over there?” I asked, raising a brow, and jerking my thumb behind me. Natasha’s dark eyes flitted over my shoulder and rested on the tall, thick body of Aleks standing in line for food beside James.

         Natasha looked thoughtful, then replied “James is very friendly and has a great sense of humor. He’s smart and can keep up with us easily. I hear good things about him through the information grapevine; very popular, well-liked by everyone. He’s just…very private. I know I’ve only known him for a few weeks now, but I still know almost nothing about him, not even his favorite food or color,” Natasha observed, entirely avoiding my comment about Aleks. I nodded, carefully mulling over her opinion, before drawing her back to Aleks.

         “Nice evasion, but I invented that tactic,” I grinned.

         Natasha rolled her eyes, “There is nothing going on between Aleks and I. It’d just be weird,” she hedged, not meeting my gaze.

“Yeah, and I can breathe underwater,” I retorted sarcastically, giving her a disbelieving look.

         “Okay, okay,” Natasha laughed, trying to keep down her fries, “I find him kind of, a little, extremely attractive. It’s no big deal. I just stalk him from afar and imagine a relationship with him.”

         “You are so hopeless,” I managed to utter between our uncontrollable laughter.

         “Hey guys, what’s so funny?” Aleks asked, walking up to the table with a tray in his hands and taking a seat beside Natasha, who looked quite pleased. James followed closely behind, taking a seat beside me. Everyone chatted happily and ate their lunches. Natasha and Aleks, after a while, got pulled into their own private debate, as they were accustomed to doing, so I entertained myself by interrogating James.

         “So what school did you go to before the fabulous Jefferson High?” I teased.

         “It’s a little ways South of here, you wouldn’t know it,” James half-answered, his charming smile spreading across his face. I loved that smile, it made my head swim a little, the way it made the corners of his dark eyes crinkle and seemed to radiate warmth and happiness.

         “Believe it or not, James, but that was not an actual answer to my question,” I persisted, no way he was getting off that easy. Maybe his head-swimming smile made the other girls forget he hadn’t really answered a single question since he arrived at our school, but no way I was so easily fooled.

         He chuckled, “Alright, you caught me, I was homeschooled before Jefferson High.”

         “A real answer, at last!” I joked, nudging his shoulder. He smiled again, staring down at me with those intense dark eyes. The lashes surrounding them were thick and black, enough to make any girl a little jealous. Perfect ringlets of dark brown hair fell into his eyes and I resisted the urge to brush them away.

         “So what do you want for your birthday tomorrow?” Natasha asked, pulling me back to reality.

         “Oh,” I thought turning to look at her, “You really don’t have to get me anything,” I said, having completely forgotten it was even tomorrow.

         “Not that garbage again,” Natasha complained loudly.

         “I don’t know, I really don’t need anything,” I shrugged.

         “What do you want then?” Natasha stressed. An image of a masked figure warning me to stay away from dark streets flitted through my mind without my permission. I attempted to violently clamp down on those thoughts. I didn’t like to engage my clearly delusional thinking any more than I had to. I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t losing my mind or imaging the figure altogether, but it was too late, and my imagination took off without needing any prodding. I hadn’t seen the figure in almost a month, since the last incident. I obediently heeded the warning and didn’t go out at night. Better not test my chances three times. I wanted to see him or it or whatever it was again, I needed to know what was going on.

         “I don’t want anything either, just spending time with you guys is fun,” I smiled. “Although, I do need to go to this one store before we leave, I’ll be right back,” I announced, getting up from the table, eager to remove myself from the topic of conversation.

         “I’ll go with you,” James offered, standing up.

         “You really don’t need to come with me,” I replied, “I’ll just be a minute.”

         “I insist,” James said, flashing me his most charming smile, “Besides, I don’t think they’ll really miss my company.” He nodded his head in the direction of Aleks and Natasha, already pulled back to each other’s gravity, leaning closer to each other with every passing minute. I laughed and rolled my eyes, before looping my arm through his and strolling through the mall. I looked down to hide my smile and slight blush.

         “What do you need at this store anyways?” James asked as we wandered through the mall.

         “Somehow, Natasha convinced me going to a club in the city for my birthday would be a good idea, so now I need an outfit,” I answered, thinly veiling my slight distress. I recalled the months of begging it had taken her to convince me to go. Partying had never really been my thing, and as much as I wanted to do something fun and different for my seventeenth birthday, a club was not the first thing that came to mind. Not to mention the fact her plan involved lying to my mom and telling her I was having a sleepover at Natasha’s, another thing I was also not fond of.

         James simply raised a brow before shaking his head and chuckling, surely imagining the scene.

         “Exactly,” I said, laughing with him.

         “And what does one wear to such out of character, unplanned nights?” James asked.

         “God only knows, Natasha will probably complain no matter what I get, honestly,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

         It took another three circles around the huge mall before I finally settled on a silver sparkly tank top and black skinny jeans. James assumed the role any male plays when uncomfortably watching a girl shop, getting distracted by non-clothing related items and awkwardly standing around while I browsed. He was patient though, and cracked jokes about the various people and stores as we walked. When we reached the register to pay for the new clothes, he quickly pulled out his wallet and paid for it all before I could even react.

         “Why did you do that? I could have paid for that myself,” I complained once we exited the store into the dimly lit mall hallways.

         “Oh, don’t freak out, it was no trouble,” He smiled charmingly, his brown eyes softening, practically melting. I poorly attempted to force my head to stop swimming under his gaze.

         “But-” I started, still slightly dazed.

         “Happy birthday,” He whispered, interrupting, before handing me the bag and placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

      I jiggled my knee anxiously as I sat in the soft leather seat of Natasha’s car, the leather from my tall black boots made an irritating scratching noise against the seat.

“Would you calm down?” Natasha sighed, peeling her eyes off the road momentarily to give me an annoyed glance. Natasha’s hair hung pin straight tonight, occasionally drifting into her line of vision before she expertly twisted it in place behind her ears. Her blue jeans, black high tops, and green tank top wouldn’t exactly fit in with the typical club crowd, but she didn’t care.

“Well, Miss Lip-Piercings-And-Wrist-Tattoo, I’m not used to being bad and lying. What if something happens?” I worried, biting my lip and staring out the window as we crawled along the highway into the city. I shifted uncomfortably in my own sparkly, silver tank top and black skinny jeans tucked into my favorite tall leather boots; a very different outfit choice compared to my usual t-shirt, jeans, and converse. Everywhere we went, I felt like everyone stared, a sensation I was not used to, nor did I grow to appreciate.

Her hand flew to the two piercings in her lower lip defensively, before she rolled her eyes and retorted, “Now you sound like your mother, and nothing will happen, for the ten millionth time! Don’t be such a goody-goody.” Despite Natasha and I’s long standing relationship, my mother never approved of her “bad influence”, and by that she always meant her wrist tattoo and multiple facial piercings. In reality, my mother was extremely uptight and overprotective, Natasha helped loosen me up, and although I thanked her later, breaking the rules always twisted my stomach a little. Quite an unlikely pair we made, but I wouldn’t survive without my best friend.

I sighed, mentally calming myself. “You’re right, tonight I am officially seventeen. We’re going to be two carefree teenagers having an excellent time,” I said, mostly for my own benefit.

“Exactly,” Natasha concurred.

It wasn’t long before Natasha’s sleek, white car, pulled smoothly into the dim parking garage next to the club. After searching for a spot, we continued down to the club and got in line, all the while chatting idly about school, boys, and my birthday. The line was short; it didn’t take long to get in the club. In under an hour we were surrounded by sweaty, grinding bodies, dizzying strobe lights, enough fake smoke to make you gag, and pounding music so loud I couldn’t hear myself think. Exactly what we came here for.

We quickly joined the throng and swayed to the music. Somehow, I always looked much less graceful and beautiful compared to Natasha and the other dancers, but tonight I didn’t care. I came here to not think or judge or be anything but one synchronized member of this dancing pack.

“Thank you so much for taking me here!” I shouted to Natasha over the beat of the dance music. Somehow, Natasha always knew me better than myself. I didn’t realize it before I was lost in the chaos of the night, that I had needed this, an escape, a chance to just be normal. She nodded and laughed, clearly pleased the world was still in its usual order and she was right, again.

“I’m going to get a soda, you want anything?” I asked. She nodded again and together we squeezed through the pack to get to the bar at the very back of the large, open room. I ordered us two Dr. Peppers and the bartender promptly placed two cans in front of us.

“This is such a rush,” Natasha enthused, her freckled face slightly pink and shiny with exhaustion and sweat. I nodded, the only response I could form between chugging down my soda, trying to twist my brown hair off my sweaty neck, and tugging on my silver tank top to let some air reach my stomach. When I wasn’t dancing and embracing the sweet anonymity of the crowd, the claustrophobia and anxiety started to set in immediately.

“Oh my god! Kristin? Is that you?” A high-pitched voice screeched from the dance floor. I cringed inwardly. I recognized that voice all too well. Please, let it not be her, I prayed silently, but this time no one was listening to my pleas apparently. The short, thin, overly enthusiastic Kim bounced toward the bar in all her dyed brown hair, brown eyed glory. I noticed the taller, even thinner figure of Stephanie trailing behind her, with matching shades of long brown hair and brown eyes. Their skin gave a sickly appearance, a combination of off-tone concealer and the dizzying strobe lights. Last in the line was Elizabeth, the same height and build as Kim, but with blonde hair and tan skin, for a change in pace. I suppressed a groan. It wasn’t just Kim; it was the entire pack.

“Please, just dry drown me in my soda,” I begged Natasha softly as the girls bounded over. Natasha folded her thin, pink lips around a laugh as I plastered on my best cheery smile.

“Hey, Kristin! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Elizabeth gushed, the three of them stood before us now in skimpy, flashy clubbing clothes. My back pressed against the bar and my three least favorite human beings on my other side, did little to ease my sense of claustrophobia.

“Mmm,” I murmured sipping my soda, the edge of the bar really digging into my spine now, as if I pressed myself into it further it might somehow incorporate me into its form.

“This isn’t really your scene, what are you doing here?” Stephanie asked, the calmest, least excitable of them all.

“Birthday celebration,” I responded, speaking as little as possible. Stephanie just nodded coolly.

“Ooh, happy birthday!” Kim cooed, “And you actually look like a girl tonight, too!” She enthused, a devilishly sweet smile on her round face.

“Yeah, I just discovered the girl’s section in Wal-Mart. Who knew that was there?” I replied sarcastically; mock cheer dripping from my every word. Kim and Elizabeth cringed and looked at me as though I were some kind of alien. Natasha was trying very hard not to spit out her soda and bust out laughing behind me.

“So, do you want to dance with us for awhile?” Stephanie asked, changing the subject. I pulled my phone from my back pocket.

“Ooh, sorry, I have to go. Curfew and all, maybe next time,” I lied, suddenly eager to go back to Natasha’s. They said goodbye and headed back to the dance floor.

“Thank god,” Natasha groaned, “I hate them so much.”

“Tell me about it. ‘Oh, you actually look like a girl tonight’” I mimicked Kim’s high pitched squealing exactly, “I hate how condescending she is,” I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

“Whatever, don’t let them ruin your night. It’s hot as hell in here and I don’t want to run into them again, I’m going to go pull the car around, wait for me out front,” Natasha said, throwing down a couple bills to pay for our drinks.

“Wait, I’ll come with you,” I replied, following her out to the front of the club. It was cold outside in my thin tank top; I shivered and hugged my arms against the breeze.

Natasha rolled her eyes, “It’s fine, the garage is right up the road. It’s your birthday, I won’t make you walk. I pity the person that tries to take me,” Natasha laughed, joking easily. I sighed. It’s pointless to try to argue with her once she’s made up her mind.

“Fine,” I replied begrudgingly, “Be careful!” I called after her as she walked just up the road to the car. The road had really emptied out since we first came into the club, it was darker somehow now, and the stench of the city floated through the air. There was no quiet here though, the way there sometimes could be on Long Island. Honking horns, yelling voices, stray animals fighting for survival in the alleys; inescapable noise constantly rising and swarming the ears of the city residents. We certainly were not in the nicer part of town, garbage mixed with stale alcohol assaulted my nose. The eerie desolation of the street made my hair stand on end.

         “Happy birthday,” A playful voice called. A figure somersaulted off the roof of the club behind me and landed in front of me. I jumped in surprise, a squeal escaping me before I could stop it.

         “Calm down,” The figure laughed, “it’s just me.”

         “Oh,” I sighed in relief, my body relaxing of its own accord, “I was a little worried for a second; I broke my no going out at night rule.”

The figure chuckled and leaned against the unlit streetlamp on the sidewalk across the street from me. A strange thought occurred to me just then. This street had been well-lit when Natasha and I had first arrived, it wasn’t just my imagination. I peered down the block, and sure enough, every lamp sat dark and empty of their former glow. With no moon tonight and not even a hint of artificial light, I could barely make out the figure’s black mask and pale face; the shadows seemed to swallow him, hiding him away from my view. I decided that the figure seemed distinctly masculine, it was the deep tenor of his voice and the cocky air about him, unmistakable for a precocious young male.

         “How’d you know it was my birthday?” I asked, squinting, attempting to recognize any feature of the figure. I tried and failed to form the image of someone’s familiar face hiding under that mask. “What are you doing here, anyways? I’m not in danger.” I asked confused, taking another step forward. Is that dark hair? I couldn’t tell when he ended, and shadow began, or vice versa.

         “It’s not every day I save the same girl twice, usually it’s just strangers, I figured I could at least stop by for your birthday,” He laughed in the same easy, musical way, taking a step back to match my every step forward. It gave me the strange sense of being locked in a dance.

         “How’d you know it was my birthday?” I asked again, taking another eager step forward.

         “Remember, dark streets are dangerous at night,” He grinned, the echo of his laugh reached me before he disappeared into the shadows. I raced forward to catch him knowing he was already long gone. A little box with silver wrappings gleamed on the ground in the place he stood just moments ago. I smiled, picked up the box, and gingerly tugged it open. A small, intricate rose charm on a silver chain fell into my hand. I smiled at the beautiful trinket and clasped the necklace around my neck.

         “Thank you,” I whispered mostly to myself, staring into the dark that had enveloped him, and fingering the charm. The bright headlights of Natasha’s car suddenly blinded me as she turned the corner.

         “Get in!” She yelled, honking the horn. I turned away from the dark alley my figure had retreated into, quickly snapping back to reality. I ran across the street and jumped into the familiar interior of Natasha’s Prius. At least there would always be one stable, sane thing in my life. As we peeled off down the street, I stole one last glance behind me. The street was somehow unchanged following my encounter, dirty and empty, just as it had been. This time, however, I noticed gold light filtering down on the dirty asphalt street from every well-lit streetlamp going all the way down the block, their light illuminating every discarded bottle and stray cigarette butt in their wake. I struggled to find some meaning to this and failed. My head began to spin, all the images from the night flashing behind my eyes, out of order and without any sense to them. I let my head rest against the cool glass of Natasha’s window as we drove towards familiar roads and neighborhoods.

[la-appel-du-vide]

Day Five:

04•06•18

Today was my first time ever at Universal Studios! I was really excited going into the day because A - Harry Potter EVERYTHING. And B - It’s super fun to ride new rides. You have no idea what to expect and that’s exciting.

And the day definitely lived up to expectations.

Kind of a rocky start having to get up super early to make the drive up in LA traffic. But once we got there things got better. Dad had accidentally shipped our tickets that he ordered to the wrong address. He was trying to talk to somebody about how to print new ones with his confirmation code, and they ended up talking him into upgrading to VIP tickets. (He’s easily swayed, spontaneous, and he REALLY hates waiting in lines hahah.) It was expensive, but well worth it for us! Made our day totally awesome.

Once we got our passes, we were let into the VIP lounge, where we had access to a continental breakfast and snacks throughout the day. We ate, and then headed out to one of the most fun days ever. Our passes gave us immediate entry to all the rides in the park. Since Universal doesn’t have fast passes like Disney, I was expecting to spend a lot of time waiting in lines. But no! Dad’s awesome. We could walk on to any ride, even Harry Potter which always had a two hour wait.

We definitely started there. Walking through Hogsmeade Village was surreal. They did an incredible job paying attention to detail while building it. It felt like stepping into the movie set. As a kid who grew up with Harry Potter books for best friends, I was just in awe. And then we saw Hogwarts. Equally amazing!

The main Harry Potter ride takes place inside Hogwarts. We were eager to get on. We walked through our VIP access line past all the people waiting in line and it was pretty sweet. The whole line walks you through Hogwarts - the moving portraits, Dumbledore’s office, the Great Hall with floating candles… wow. So cool. And THE RIDE. 😮 Absolutely incredible on another level. That first ride had us all shook. You fly on an adventure with Harry Potter to the Forbidden Forest, play quidditch, escape a dragon, face spiders, fight dementors… all of it felt totally real and so cool. One of the most impressive rides I’ve ever been on. We all got off of it with the same reaction. Wow.

Then we rode the other Harry Potter ride, which was just your basic roller coaster. And basic it was…. so short. Wouldn’t have been worth it if we had had to wait for an hour haha.

Then we headed down to the lower level to hit three other big rides before our studio tour. We started with The Mummy, which was a really fast roller coaster in the dark. Intense, and fun. Next was Jurassic Park. This thing is like a super-sized Splash Mountain, with an 84-foot drop. We ended up sitting in the front, and I had to sit on the side too. After the first little drop, I was already soaked. And that only got worse after the big drop. All the hard work I had put into my hair that day was ruined. 😂 Aubrey and I were definitely the most soaked. Everyone else walked away pretty dry. But Dad sure got a kick out of laughing at us. “You got a little wet. 😂😂😂” Freaking Dad. 😂 And finally we rode Transformers. I’ve never seen the movies so I didn’t have a lot of context, but the ride was freaking awesome. It was my favorite in the park, other than Harry Potter. Universal just does such a good job of making you believe that you are actually in the movie. I felt like I was really riding a transformer. There were moments that my heart totally dropped out of anxiety that we were really going to smash into the ground. Ahhhh it was so fun! Mom didn’t ride it with us at first, because it said you may not want to ride if you have a fear of tight spaces, but we convinced her it wouldn’t bother her and she rode it immediately after with me and Aubs. And she loved it too. Killer ride.

We had a tour scheduled for 12:15, so we made our way back up to the upper level. We had a little extra time, so we rode the Simpsons ride. It was a virtual roller coaster, and it was cool, but not my favorite and I’m not really a fan of the Simpsons anyway. That one was hard for mom’s claustrophobia for sure.

We headed back to the VIP lounge to meet our tour guide, Robert. We grabbed some more snacks while we were there, and then headed out with him and our group. It toured out that the first part of the tour was just him walking us through the park and taking us on rides and shows. We weren’t sure we wanted to be stuck with them and would probably rather just do our own thing, but the ride he chose first was Despicable Me, so we figured we might as well ride it. It was another virtual roller coaster type of ride, and it was cute. We got to turn into minions for a few minutes. (;

Afterwards, we went with Robert over to the Animal Actors show. It was so cute. They showed off all the animals they train for movies including dogs, cats, raccoons, guinea pigs, chickens, pigs, and birds. They did lots of cool tricks and it was really funny. When the show was over, we even got to meet some of the actors. (;

At this point, we decided to leave our tour group and meet up again with them later. We walked through The Walking Dead attraction, which was kind of like a lame haunted house haha. They got us a couple of times, but mostly it wasn’t that impressive. Then we went to a show called Water World. Our VIP passes got us into priority seating which was awesome for such a busy show. This was a stunt show that involved jet skis, boats, an airplane, fire, explosions, high dives, and a lot of water. The actors were super entertaining and the show was fantastic.

When the show was over, it was time for lunch. Our VIP Experience came with a buffet lunch in the Paris part of the park. It was so good. So many choices. Everything we ate was fabulous. Chicken fingers, steak, fries, salad, pasta, cake pops, crepes, cookies, chocolate-dipped strawberries… I want to go back to that buffet rn. While we ate, we were greeted by characters like Marilyn Monroe, Lucille Ball, and Dracula.

Then it was time for our Studio Tour with Robert. Anyone in the park can take a studio tour, but since we were VIP, we got to do their tour plus a few extras like: walk on a hot set (meaning a set currently being used and filmed on) for Superstore, drive past the set of The Voice, tour the Universal prop house, walk on the Metro street set which has been used in tons of movies, TV shows, and commercials like every Spider-Man, Gone Girl, American Ninja Warrior, and more and walk around the plane crash set from War of the Worlds. It was such a cool tour, and we learned a lot about filming and movie-making. We also got to do the regular tour stuff, like see the set of Jaws and Psycho, a couple 3D experiences for The Fast and the Furious and King Kong, seeing the set of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and more. Probably one of the coolest parts of the day. Didn’t see anyone famous, unfortunately, since Robert said they saw Chris Pratt on one of their tours last week!

After the tour, we were on our own again. Started by getting a Butterbeer from Hogsmeade, which I didn’t like much, but that was expected. The frozen one is definitely better than the drink one though. Then we went into Ollivander’s to watch a wand choose it’s wizard. It was just like the scene from the movie where Harry gets his wand. Super fun. I wanted to buy a wand, but it was just crazy expensive and probably not worth it haha. I did end up buying a Ravenclaw keychain (#RavenclawProud) and a Hogwarts notebook. Then we had to ride Harry Potter again, since we were there of course. (;

Next up was a Special Effects show. That was a fun one too, where they showed us how they create a lot of different special effects. We had fun hosts and enjoyed watching the show.

Our day was quickly coming to an end. We went to watch the Hogwarts night light show, which was similar to Disney World’s with projectors lighting up the castle, just not fireworks. Still pretty to watch, just short. But magical nonetheless.

After that was over, my parents and Whitnie were done for the day and wanted to go home. Aubrey and I wanted to ride some more rides, so we told them we would be quick and meet them at the exit. We started with Harry Potter one last time, but while we were in it, the ride stopped, leaving us hanging almost upside down for a few minutes, hahaha. When it started going again, it was still malfunctioning, so we were looking at a blank wall instead of the video we usually see. Because of that, they let us go on it again. So we ended up riding it four times! Perfect. Then we ran down to do the Mummy again, and finally ended with Transformers.

Such a perfect, fun day. If you’ve never been to Universal, put it on your must-do list next time you’re in the Anaheim/LA area. ⭐️

[buffster]

The Freshman (BTVS 4.01)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Buffy goes to college!

This episode was a little strange for me because I found myself somehow identifying with both Buffy and Willow’s college experiences. I started like Willow: excited and full of wonder about how un-like high school it was going to be. But I soon found myself feeling like Buffy: lost and eventually realizing college was a lot like high school. That wasn’t a welcome revelation. But on to Buffy!

Buffy: How do you get renowned? Do you have to be nowned first?

Willow: Yes, first there’s the painful nowning process.

Buffy and Willow have very different approaches to college. Willow is over-excited and on top of everything, dying to take every course while Buffy is worried about some of the more difficult classes (partly because of slaying duties). She’s been putting off making decisions and Willow finally intervenes to help her plan. Buffy feels overwhelmed by college and the lack of direction she’s getting. Several interactions have her feeling kind of stupid (I feel so much second hand embarrassment over her being kicked out of class). She also doesn’t know anyone. Willow is excited at all of the learning opportunities and finding people interested in knowledge the way she is. Buffy longs for the way things were and misses Xander while Willow seems focused on the future.

We get to expand on the roommate situation in the coming episode (which is one of my favorites because wow do I identify. If only I could have slayed my college roommate) but already Buffy isn’t clicking with her. She puts up a Celine Dion poster, is overly cheery, and snores.

As she often does when feeling lost, Buffy turns to Giles. Now that high school is over we’re beginning to see his struggle with pushing her to grow up while remaining supportive. I find it kind of strange he wants her to do things alone...hasn’t being a Watcher and sacred duty and all that been drilled into him? Doesn’t he want to do the Watcher thing? I guess, as a father figure, he’s concerned about letting her rely on him too much. He wants her to be able to handle herself. But he eventually says “to hell with what’s right” and comes to help (too late). Buffy runs home to her actual parent, who has filled her room with items from the gallery. I know it hurt Buffy’s feelings but I don’t think it was that big of a deal. It was just temporary and who thinks their daughter is going to be back home the first week of college?

Sunday: I'm Sunday. I'll be killing you in a minute or so.

Buffy: You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.

Rookie: Are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?

The villains this episode were a group of vampires who prey on lost freshman. They take all of their stuff and love to make bets on how predictable their items will be. They insult Buffy’s outfit and break her already fragile spirits. 

We get to see a little of Buffy and Angel’s pain over losing the other. Angel calls Buffy but says nothing and she doesn’t know it’s him. Buffy sees a guy at the Bronze and hopes it’s Angel. 

Buffy and Xander have one of their best friendship moments. Poor Xander didn’t get to take his road trip because his car fell apart. He stayed and worked (and stripped) to earn the money for a new car. Then he made his way back home and got relegated to the basement and has to pay rent. Being poor sucks. I can’t help but notice that, though it’s implied Xander’s feeling pretty bad about his life, we never really get to deal with Xander’s feelings on the show. He’s always comforting Buffy or Willow but never really openly shows that he’s hurting. They don’t acknowledge his hints. I don’t know if he would want them to, but it’s still sad. Scenarios are always like:

Xander: My life sucks! But it’s fine.

Buffy: My life sucks.

Xander: *comforts*

Excluding times Angel or Spike is involved, anyway.

So anyway this episode in comfort-giving Xander:

Xander: Buffy, I've been through some fairly dark times in my life. Faced some scary things, among them the kitchen of the fabulous "Ladies Night" club. Let me tell you something. When it's dark and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaking out or whatever, I always think, "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero.

Buffy feels better and she and Xander tackle the vampire research together. Willow and Oz find “Buffy’s” note and freak out a little. Willow thinks she’s taken off again and blames herself. But Xander comes in to explain and they all go to help. Between Xander giving her a pep talk and Sunday touching her Class Protector award, Buffy has had enough. She defeats the vampires herself in one of her coolest moments. It was so awesome when she staked Sunday without looking.

The episode ends with our first glimpse of the Initiative. 

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: She says she likes books, but clearly finds the idea of reading too much overwhelming. Giles instructed her to go back to having a secret identity after the big outing at graduation. She’s not a Christian. She’s freaked over Giles having a lover. She still has a diary.

Willow Rosenberg: Buffy says she chose her major in playgroup and Willow says she just likes to be prepared.

Daniel Osbourne: He has an off-campus place with his band and already has several college friends because of it.

Rupert Giles: He is currently unemployed. A lover named Olivia visits him who knew him from his Ripper days.

Riley Finn: He is a T.A to Professor Walsh. He is introduced as a polite guy that’s really into psychology. 

Maggie Walsh: Depending on whether someone likes her she’s known as Maggie or Evil Bitch Monster of Death.

Joyce Summers: Buffy jokes that she hopes her mom has a “funny aneurysm” over her college textbook fees. Ouch, weird foreshadowing.

Xander Harris: Despite it being from dead kids, Xander wants to take things from the now-abounded sorority house. Ah, being poor.