#at this point i hope this site rots.

[arcadequeerz]

Made a Cohost. It's @/liminal.

[feline-evil]

I can't think of anything that could kill a generative ai system faster than letting it pull from blogs on here, its going to be fed so many erroneous callouts and pointless discourse posts that its gonna generate a way to speedrun offing itself

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[dixonsbrat]

𖥔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑, 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍 𖥔

summary ; after getting out of jail, luke shows up at the house looking for jj, and more than just old feelings are brought out into the open when he stumbles upon your secret. 

pairing ; jj maybank x girlfriend!reader

notes ; profanities, pregnancy, mentions of consensual sex, abuse, and luke maybank ew. let me know if i forgot any !

i do not consent to any of my works being transferred, translated or copied to any other sites. it's stealing and that's not cute.

of all the despicable and outrageous things you had witnessed and heard about luke maybank, from robbing stores and abusing his son, busting a pharmacy only hours after being released from jail really shouldn’t have surprised you. and yet, as you opened the front door of the house he used to once occupy, you couldn’t help but be stunned when you saw him standing there, gasping for air with blood-stained knuckles.

“what the hell are you doing here?” you sneer, venom in your tone as you narrow your eyes at the older man.

“y/n...” he says your name with surprise and a look of disappointment. you were the last person he wanted to see right now. “i, uh, i didn’t realise you and jj were still... together.” he laughs nervously, knowing exactly how to get under your skin, before backing away.

it was no secret that luke didn’t like you, but it also wasn’t a secret that you felt the exact same way. you loathed the man for everything he had done to jj, and you weren’t afraid to let him know exactly how low you thought of him – that he was the scum on the bottom of your shoe, and you hoped and prayed that he would get what was coming to him tenfold.

“aren’t you supposed to be in jail?” you ignore his comment, reaching for the phone in your back pocket to make a point of how easy it would be for you to call the police if he wasn’t careful.

“about that... is – is jj home?” he peers over your shoulder, but you pull the door towards you to cut off his view of the inside.

though in your attempt to hide the fact that jj was just in the next room, he gives it away when he comes scuffling down the hallway. he doesn’t look your way as he races around looking for his other boot, forgetting where he had slipped it off the night prior.

“hey, babe, have you seen my other shoe?” he calls out, and before you could respond, he continues, “never mind. it was under the couch...” stopping in his tracks the second he sees his dad, and immediately rushes to step in front of you.

jj was very aware of your hatred for his father. he was always aware of the fact that you would stop at nothing to see the man rot in hell. even if it meant doing it yourself or getting him sent back to jail.

“what - how did you get out?” he panics, taking notice of the blood.

“work release. good behavior. can you believe that?” the man chuckles before looking down at his own knuckles. “busted a pharmacy window. busted that pharmacist too.”

“what the fuck, luke.” you shake your head, lip curling with disgust.

“look, i gotta get out of here. that pharmacist can id me.” he pauses for a second to scope his surroundings. “i gotta get off this island. so you’ve gotta help me. i'm taking malcolm’s boat, and i need to get to the other side of the island.”

jj grits his teeth and tries to close the door, but luke stops it before the lock can clasp and pushes himself inside, grabbing jj by a fistful of his shirt. you're knocked into the wall from the sudden outburst, and as you try to get luke to let go, jj raises his hand, stopping you from interfering.

“you’re really not going to help your own blood?” luke leers toward jj, and you shudder, knowing that there’s nothing you can do to stop him from manipulating his son that was going to end well.

“absolutely not. no. no way.” you try to shut the whole thing down.

“you do this, and you will never have to see or hear from me ever again. isn't that what you want?” luke sneers in your direction, and while the idea definitely intrigues you, you didn’t want to risk getting caught by the cops.

you could see the gears turning in jj’s head as he looks from you to luke, and then back to you, running a hand through his hair out of frustration. there was a glimmer of contemplation in his eyes, but ultimately, he looks to you for guidance.

this was something that could potentially ruin your lives if you were to get caught aiding and abetting him, but it was also something that both you and jj wanted – to have him out of your lives forever.

blowing a sigh through your lips, you take in a deep breath and shake your head, unbelieving of what you were about to do. through gritted teeth, you turn to luke, “fine. what do you need?”

“you’ll help?” he looks to you with the same disbelief, and though reluctant, you nod, and he releases his grip on his son’s shirt.

“before we do anything, i want to make one thing very clear,” you step toward him, putting a divide between him and jj, who grabs a hold of your arm for safe measure. “we are not doing this for you. we are doing this for us. so don’t for a second think that you’re in control of the situation because if you so much as step one foot out of line or lay another finger on jj, i have the stations number on speed dial. got it?”

you watch as the man tenses his jaw and fights back a snarl, but he doesn’t argue. he nods before making a beeline for his bedroom to grab anything he’ll need, leaving you and jj alone.

the second he’s out of earshot, a shaky breath escapes your lips, and you suddenly feel heavier. like the weight of the world had fallen onto your shoulders and not just because of luke.

for the first time in forever, you had more than just you and jj to protect, and you were scared as to how this was going to play out.

from your side, jj’s hand brushes across your skin, and he threads his fingers through yours. he pulls you towards him, arms wrapping firmly and securely around you, “i know how much you must hate this, so thank you.” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“hate isn’t anywhere near a strong enough word,” you both fall into a soft fit of laughter. “but, i'd do anything for you. even if that means helping your convict piece of shit dad get off this island.”

“i seriously don’t deserve you,” jj smiles down at you. his fingers dance across your jawline before he straightens and looks toward luke’s bedroom. “i should go see if he needs help.”

he presses another soft kiss to your lips and starts to walk away, your fingers still locked together until he’s too far and they fall apart.

it's not long before the two of them re-emerge, luke with a bag thrown over his shoulder and jj heading straight out to the shed to find a torch and some rope. you stand there in silence, arms crossed over your chest, and the entire time you can feel the man’s eyes on you - as though to be studying you.

“y’know, you really shouldn’t get your hopes up,” he almost snickers, and when he sees the unimpressed look on your face, he adds, “i’m just saying, all maybank men have a tendency to run when things get... real.”

“what the fuck are you talking about?” you ask, irritated by his crypticness.

this time when luke speaks, he stops what he’s doing and stands up straight, “nothing. i just - i take it jj doesn’t know about the pregnancy tests hidden in the back of the bathroom cupboard. y'know, the ones with the two blue lines... clear as day-”

“that is none of your business!” you cut him off as the panic of him telling jj sets in, and a shiver of fear rolls down your spine.

“like hell, it ain’t. jj is my son and that thing growing inside you is my grandbaby.” he points to your stomach.

“no, you see, that’s where you’re wrong. this baby is going to have absolutely nothing to do with you. we’re making sure of that right now by helping you leave,” you argue, your heart racing as your blood boils. “and you couldn’t be more wrong about jj. he is nothing like you. he is strong and protective, and he actually cares about those he loves. he doesn’t sit around getting wasted and taking his anger out on an innocent child, and he will certainly be a better father than a deadbeat, good for nothing, piece of shit like you!”

“you watch your mouth when you’re speaking to me,” he steps toward you, anger seething through him just as jj rushes back in through the door and pushes his dad away.

“what the hell is going on?” he demands, looking between you both but directing his words at his father.

“why don’t you ask her?” luke nudges in your direction.

jj looks at you, confusion tangled in his features.

“your dad’s just proving he is what everyone says he is...”

“and what’s that darlin’?”

“oh, i think i already covered it.”

luke urges another step towards you, but jj holds him back, “okay, that’s enough. dad, why don’t you just go wait in the car.”

“gladly.”

the two of you watch as luke disappears out the front door and slinks his way towards your car before looking back at one another. jj pulls you into his arms once more, his hands nestling the back of your head into his chest, and he heaves a sigh.

“are you going to tell me what that was about?” he asks, his voice low and soothing as he runs a finger across his brow.

“it’s nothing,” you hold him tightly before pulling away, “now, let’s get this over with.”

the drive to the docks isn’t long, but it is silent as luke sits in the back, making sure not to be seen by any pedestrians. being that it was early on a weekday, most people were at work, and so getting through to the marina wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.

once you pull to a stop, jj climbs out of the passenger seat and quickly checks the status of the dock to see if the coast was clear, leaving you along with luke once again.

“listen, i know you think you’ve got it all worked out, but i promise you, i'm right on this one.” luke inches forward from the back seat. “the second he finds out that there’s a baby involved, you may as well start looking for a new baby daddy.”

“you know nothing about me or jj, and what type of man he is. but what i do know is that he doesn’t give up easily. he's stubborn like that, and he’s going to be the best father for this baby. i promise you that.”

“you keep telling yourself that, princess, but we both know that whatever it is that you two have going on is going to fizzle out, and you’re going to wish you had listened to me. hell, you probably got yourself knocked up just do he would keep you around-”

the anger from before boils up within you again, and in a swift movement, you wretch your elbow back into the man’s face. watching as he recoils from the blow and tends to his noise, but before he gets a chance to react, jj gives the signal for him to make his move.

“get out of my car,” you smile passive-aggressively.

luke groans as he exists the vehicle, fingers pressed to his nose to stop the bleeding as he meets jj halfway down the footpath. he takes in his father’s bloody nose and looks at you with wide eyes despite the fact that he wasn’t really all that surprised. you simply shrug.

“hey, luke?” you call out before he makes his way to the boat, and when he looks back to you, you shout, “go fuck yourself.”

he turns on his heel to walk back towards the car, annoyance sprawled across his face, but jj stops him and pushes him in the other direction. and the second you’re alone, you let your head fall to rest against the seat as a large sigh leaves your lips.

fifteen minutes pass, and there was still no sign of jj, though you could see him in the far distance at the end of the dock watching as the boat disappeared into the horizon. despite knowing how much jj hated luke and how he wished he was dead, he was still his father, and having to watch him leave for good was going to be tough no matter the circumstances.

you clamber out of the car, pulling your hood over your head and make your way up to the docks as jj remains still, his gaze unwavering from the water before him. and when you meet his side, he smiles though his eyes are filled with sadness.

“you okay?” you ask, wrapping your arms around him from behind, pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder.

he nods, a slight chuckle leaving his lips before he sighs, “y’know, it’s funny how badly i wanted this, and now that it’s happened, i just... i feel weird.”

“it’s always hard having to say goodbye, but if it makes you feel any better… you’ll always have me.” a soft laugh falls from both of you before jj lifts his arm up and around you, pulling you in front of him.

“y’know, before he left, he said something that really got me thinking, and i know it’s probably going to sound stupid, but i have to ask. otherwise, it’s going to literally eat me up inside.” he scratches the nape of his neck, a nervous smile present.

you already knew what he was going to ask, that your little secret wasn’t so much a secret anymore, and you turn away from him. you should’ve known better than to expect luke to keep his mouth shut, but he knew this would be his last opportunity to get back at you, and he took it.

jj notices your reluctance to look at him, and with gentle movements, he cups the sides of your face and moves your gaze back to meet his. running smooth circles along your cheeks, he stares you with curious eyes, “babe... are you... are you pregnant?”

tears pool in the corners of your eyes, the guilt inside beginning to claw its way up your throat. your heart speeds up, and breathing deepens as you stare into the eyes of the boy you loved and shakily nod your head.

a soft gasp leaves him and he licks his bottom lip as his brows furrow in the center of his forehead, “how long have you known?”

“a week. a bit more,” your tears fall freely now. “i’m sorry, j. i should’ve told you the second i found out.”

he nods in a way that was him processing what you had said rather than agreeing and then returns his gaze back to the water. he remains silent for a moment before a small chuckle leaves him, “i mean, it kind of makes sense now that i think about it.”

confused, you sniffle back your tears.

“you have been a little moodier lately, and you demolished an entire pizza, and garlic bread, the other night,” he says, laughing, and you can’t help but smile.

once the laughing dies down, you ask, “you’re not mad... or freaked out?”

“are you kidding? you’re having my baby!” he looks at you with glistening eyes. they're so big you can see yourself reflected in them as he brushes your hair from your face. “this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

a sigh of relief sputters from you, and your eyes glaze over with tears. the thrill of it runs down your spine, all the way to your toes, and his hands come up to brush your cheeks. “you’re sure you want to do this?”

“of course, i do. there's nothing i want more than for us to be a family, and we’re going to be the coolest parents ever. oh my, god. we can teach them to fish, and surf, and take them on rides on the hms pogue.”

it's heart-warming to see him so excited about, but he quickly stops after realising he had been rambling on while you stared at him adoringly. he clears his throat and shrugs, trying to play it off nonchalant-like, but your giggle tells him that it hadn’t worked.

“come here,” he kisses your forehead before meeting your lips, and everything you had been holding back erupts into a long, passionate kiss.

when you pull apart, he wraps an arm around your shoulders once more, leaning his head against yours, as you watch the sunset, and after a moment, he chuckles to himself. “so, i must’ve been like really good in bed, huh?”

“oh my, god,” rolling your eyes, you shrug his arm off and give him a little shove. “the quality of your performance has nothing to do with the fact that you got me pregnant. but... for your ego’s sake... yeah.”

“my ego thanks you,” he presses a hand to his chest before intertwining his fingers with yours at the same time tiny droplets of rain begin to fall from the sky. “okay, c’mon preggers. let's get you home before it starts to pour.”

“as long as you never call me that again.”

“no promises.” he scrunches up his nose as you make your way back down the dock, leaving behind all of your worries and doubts, and stepping into the next chapter of your life knowing that you and jj were going to be okay.

[hughjackmansbicep]

Delicate

a/n: hi friends!!!! im hoping to make this into a multi part series, got lots planned for this mini fic :))))) this is kind of the prolouge to the real deal, needed to get the setup for it started before we divulge. expect lots of twists n turns my friends!

Pairing: Logan Howlett X F!Mutant!Reader

Warnings: uhhhhh none lol

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: The government has successfully began the eradication of all mutant species in the United States. Lucky for you your dad has taken careful precautions to protect you from the evil that lurks in the streets outside. Tucked away in a concealed basement you sat and rotted away clinging to your old life and dreams. What happens when one day you've got a severe hankering for some ice cream and he ran out of beer the same night? Both finding yourselves in the right place at the right time.

The world as you knew it was slowly coming to an end. Mutants everywhere were dropping like flies after the government slowly started poisoning everyone's food. Unless you were an off-grid loner living off the land, you succumbed to the same fate as everyone else, 6 feet under. Lucky enough for you, your father kept you pretty sheltered. Tucked away in your fully renovated basement, the world is ignorant of your existence. It was safer this way; I mean, sure, you missed going out to bars and seeing your friends; hell, you even missed those 8 a.m. bio classes you used to take. But this was safer; at least that's what your father always preached. “It’s safer down here, away from all those evil people.” He'd remind you every day, “You're to never leave my site, kiddo, and never step outside those doors.” Not like you could anyways, while your mutation allowed you to control the atoms around you and morph them into anything your heart desired, you had one weakness, adamantium. Your house was coated in it; every doorknob, lock, and even the goddamn windows were coated in the shit. 

It was 3:00am, no one was home, and you found yourself craving ice cream. It wasn't uncommon for your dad to leave you to your own vices. He still had a job he'd have to attend to, and that more often than not led you to solidarity on his trips. And here you were in the middle of the night, the light from the fridge illuminating the dimly lit kitchen, tearing your freezer apart hoping to magically find a pint of Ben and Jerry’s buried deep in the frost. You groan, sinking down to your knees, met with disappointment and an ever-growing craving for the sweet, delicious taste of The Tonight Dough. Sure, you could've totally put in an Uber Eats order, but where would the fun in that be? You stood in front of the adamantium-cladded door, using all your strength to melt it to the ground, but to no avail. The only thing between you and your Jimmy Fallon-adorned ice cream was some space metal, and to hell if your dad really thinks that's going to curve the urge.

For the next hour, you ran around the house like a lunatic looking for a weak point. Maybe your father missed just one spot—one tiny spot in this prison he calls a home. A small hole fit for the size of a mouse teased you. Sure, you control all the atoms around you but your own? You'd never even attempted to entertain that idea, although the worst that could happen is you turn your body into a permanent pile of slop. That didn't sound too terrible when compared to being a basement dweller for the last 7 years. And it turns out it wasn't as bad as you'd thought; you melted your body down into a pile of liquid, slithering your way through the walls of your house before you were spit out from a hole in the bricks. The air on your skin cascaded goosebumps along your body; you honestly couldn't remember the last time you felt wind grace your skin or the sun illuminating off your shoulders. 

You skipped happily toward the corner store, taking in every sound around you. The sound your feet made when they hit the pavement, the distant chatter of the locals crowding down the sidewalks, even the obnoxious sound of a car horn brought a smile to your face. You finally understood the saying, ‘the city that never sleeps.’ You reached the corner store, swinging the door open and prancing inside as if it were Disney World. Your happy fantasy faded as the man behind the register yelled at you to put some shoes on before walking into his store. You looked down, wiggling your free toes, with all the excitement of liquifying yourself to get a taste of the outside world, common societal rules had slipped your mind. “I um.. Just came to grab a pint of ice cream; I’ll be really quick, I promise.” You pleaded sheepishly, offering him a quick smile to butter him up a bit. He simply rolled his eyes in disgust and turned his back to you, mumbling something under his breath.

You made your way around the convenience store towards the dairy section when something, or rather someone, caught your attention. He looked tall, and even with a leather jacket on, you could tell he was huge. He had some silly-looking facial hair and even sillier-looking cat-ear-like hair, but man, he still looked good. Your eyes slowly traveled down his arms to his pants. Cute butt, you thought to yourself. He stifled a laugh before turning in your direction and saying, “Thank you.” He grumbled, turning back towards the beer cooler. “What?” You ask, heat rising to your cheeks once you realize you'd accidentally said that out loud. He didn't acknowledge you, just went back to scanning the cooler. You took that as a hint to keep moving, finally landing in front of the ice cream section and grabbing the last pint of your favorite ice cream. Carefully looking around to make sure nobody was watching you, you pulled the lid off and used your mutation to pull out all the atoms belonging to the anti-mutant poisons that were mixed in with the delicious sweet treat. Floating above the ice cream, you cautiously manipulated them into a different container of food and made your way back towards the front. What you didn't know was that the unfortunate corner store owner had been watching your freak act on the CCTV cameras the whole time.

Turning around one of the aisles, you had spotted two men in suits talking to the man upfront. You couldn't make out what was being said as they whispered, but watching him point to you using your mutation on the TV screen explained enough to you. You backed up slowly, trying to even your breaths out before you had a panic attack. You felt someone grab your shoulder, spinning you around into them. It was Mr. Cute Butt; he must be working with those suited men too. Your eyes go wide as you focus all your energy on him. You were attempting to melt him, freeing yourself from his grasp, but it wasn't working for some reason. He just stared at your brows laced together, trying to figure out what in the fuck were you doing. “You're going to shit yourself if you keep straining like that.” He whispered a low chuckle, following after.

You froze, looking up at the man with pleading eyes. “Please don't hurt me; I just wanted some ice cream. Please i'll leave right now, sir.” You rushed out searching his face for sympathy or remorse something in hopes he'd release his grasp on you. He looked confused at what you were saying to him as if you were speaking some foreign language, but that didn't last long once you two heard footsteps approaching you. “C’mon kid.” He grumbled out, dragging you by your arm, ducking in between the small isles towards the exit. “They're over here!” The man upfront yelled, and the mystery man beside you just groaned before scooping you up into his arms and rushing you out of the store. You both quickly fell into the crowd, blending into the sea of people that populated the streets of New York. As soon as you two were outside, he'd set you on your feet, his arm still gripping your wrist, dragging you through the city with him.

“I need to go home, sir; please don't hurt me. I'm so sorry.” You cried, tears adorning your cheeks as you pleaded with him; if your father knew what was transpiring at this very moment, you'd be toast. Absolutely never allowed outside your basement ever again; you could kiss the sun goodbye because you'll probably never see it again once he gets home. He ignored your pleas though as he pushed through the crowds to a parked motorcycle on the road. “Oh no, I am not getting on that thing.” You halted your movements, digging your heels into the ground. “Suit yourself, sweet cheeks.” He laughed at you dryly hopping onto the bike, “They'll find you eventually.” He kicked the stand up, revving the bike on. You looked through the crowd behind you, worry etching onto your face. Maybe he's right; maybe I should hop on that bike and ride it into the sunset with this beautiful specimen, or he's no better than those suited men and could ultimately be leading me to my death. “Just get on the fucking bike.” He growled at the sound of sirens roaring closer to you two.

Begrudgingly, you hopped onto the back of the bike, plopping the helmet latched behind you on your head. At this rate, your sure your dad is going to skin you alive and hang you up to dry. “Hang on tight, princess.” He turned around to smirk at you. You snaked your hands around his torso, and he took off, the force causing your face to smash into his back and your grip on him tightening. You were sure if you had been gifted some form of super strength, you would've popped his torso clean off his legs with how tight you were squeezing him. You attempted to give him directions back to your house, but he couldn't hear you and kept heading in the opposite direction. He totally could hear you too, but he was ignoring your requests to return you home.

The quick 15-minute drive felt like an eternity with how utterly petrified you were. Matter of fact, you were so scared, eyes clenched shut, arms squeezing all the oxygen out of his lungs, you hadn't even noticed that you'd arrived at your mystery destination. He pried your arms off him, causing you to open your eyes; you were in complete shock. A gorgeous castle-like building stood before you, surrounded by trees, and a long gravel driveway trailed in front of it. A voice broke you from your thoughts, but this sound didn't come from the man sitting in front of you; no, it appeared like it came straight from inside your head. 'Logan, would you please introduce me to your new friend? The voice sang through you, your head whipping around frantically to find the owner of these words. “C’mon, I got someone for you to meet.” The man in front of you finally spoke, helping you off the bike and placing the helmet back in its spot on the rear. He guided you through the mansion all the way to the back, stopping at two huge double wooden doors.

“Come in, please.” Rang the same voice you heard earlier, the double doors slowly opening before you to reveal a small, bald man sitting in a chair. “And who might this be, Logan?” He questioned, looking towards the big man next to you. Logan, huh, you thought to yourself, cute name and a cute butt. Logan awkwardly shifted beside you, the bald man sending a booming laugh throughout the room. “Oh my God.. Did I say that out loud?” You whispered heat rising to your cheeks once again. Ignoring you, Logan started explaining to the bald guy, whose name you quickly learned was Charles, what happened earlier. Logan had seen what you were doing in that small store—how you made some substance float out of the ice cream and back into another pint. He assumed you were attempting to do something similar to that when he had grabbed you, and you began shaking like a Chihuahua, yet all you could think about during their discussion of the previous events was how you never got to eat the ice cream you risked your whole life for. “So,” Charles spoke, directing his attention to you. “What can you do exactly? What were you doing with that ice cream?” He hummed his eyes, raking you up and down, studying all your features. hoping they might tell him about who you are.

You were fairly normal-looking; I mean, to the average human eye, they couldn't tell you apart from another human. You felt like a deer in headlights right now, though; you'd never been asked or questioned about your mutation. You never dared to speak about it aloud; hell, your dad wouldn't even let you use your powers ever; it's like he was ashamed of you. “I can... manipulate things, i guess.” You spoke quietly; it felt taboo to you to speak about this, like this was some intimate, inappropriate topic to discuss. “And what do you mean by that?” He mused, deeply interested in your mystery. “I’m not exactly sure, sir. I just know I can do this.” You focus your eyes on the pen sat upon his desk, watching it quickly fall into a liquid puddle. “Fascinating.” Charles smiled up at you, “Can you change it back?” You trained your eyes down on the mess you created, quickly blinking as it slowly morphed back into its original shape of a pen.

Charles laughed in amusement before clasping his hands together. “We have much to discuss, little one, but for now Logan will show you to a room you can rest in. We'll talk more tomorrow.” He nodded at you before Logan had turned around out the door. You took this as your sign to follow, doors shutting behind you both. He guided you up the stairs, stopping at a random white door and handing over a towel and toothbrush he'd picked up on the way to your room. “Just try and get some sleep.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “I’m just up the hall if you need anything, i guess.” He nodded his head in the direction of his door. You just smiled, turning around into your room and softly closing your door. 

You had no clue where the fuck you were or what these strange men were planning to do with you. You've heard the horror stories from your dad about how the government would poke and prod you if anyone knew what you could do. you'd be a test subject for rich white males to toy and play with. You'd set the towel and toothbrush down on a chair in the room you were assigned and slowly stalked your way to the bed. As you crawled into bed attempting to get some shut eye all that you could think to yourself was, "Man my dad is soo going to fucking kill me when he finds me."

[misserabella]

new blood

ellie williams x fem! reader

enemies to lovers!

part 2!

summary; you had finally found joel, the man that had taken away your father. surprises show on the faces of his allies when you join them, instead of hunt them down for revenge, ‘cause you were already a prey under the eyes of your sister; abby. but there’s one of them that seems to take a special interest in you: ellie williams.

cw for this chapter; blood, weapons, chains, hostages, fighting, broken bones, threatening, mentions of abuse and imagery (abusive parent), drug usage (weed)…

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡ either ways, i hope y’all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

-

Another day begun, and just like the last… you didn’t know how many days you’d been her, chained to this wall, but what you knew is that they all started the same way.

One, Two, Three Clicks, a knock and the door was opening.

Bright green eyes found yours, and as always, you ignored her, just like you ignored those who accompanied her. Every and each day they did the same. Came for questions that you wouldn’t answer. Came for something that you wouldn’t give them. How much would they keep you here? Would they get rid of you eventually? Would you rot here?

You kicked the still full trolley that they had left for you the night before towards the girl that stood at the front of the group. She looked rough, with freckles decorating her cheeks and a scar his right eyebrow. Her hair was up in a half messy bun, and there was a gun hidden underneath her green combat coat. It was cold. You could see it in the way her fingernails were turning just the slightest purplish.

The food spilled, and the water wetted her boots, but you didn’t care, she didn’t either. It had been days since you’d eaten. But you were clever. Who told you they wouldn’t drug you? Humans were scary, the real monsters in a world filled with them.

She simply approached you, boots heavy, a thud accompanying her walk as she threw something towards you as well; your backpack. You were quick to grab it, ripping it open and taking out your dagger under the vigilance of the whole group. She never stopped getting closer and closer —even if you were pointing at her with a weapon that you were more than ready to use—, until she had crouched down in front of you, bits of her hair cupping her cheeks.

“You’re not scared.” you muttered and the auburn haired simply shrugged. “Then unlock me.” you ordered and she smirked.

“How about a ‘thank you first’? If you can’t recall, I’m the one who told them to not shoot you.”

“Why would I fucking thank you? I’m chained to a fucking wall!” you hissed and she arched her eyebrows. Your grip tightened around the switch blade.

“If you kill me they’ll kill you.” she said, and nodded towards those who stared at you through the other side of the room.

“I’d like to see them try.” you smiled.

Two men and three women counting with this fucking asshole talking to you.

That’d be easy.

“What do you say? Want me to give you a matching scar on your other eyebrow? Maybe one across your neck would look good.” the girl simply stared at you, not even startled by your threat. Her green eyes never left yours, not even when she got up and gave you her back to get to the door. “Fucking let me out!”

But the door was closing, and you were left alone once again, completely trapped.

“Fuck!” you smashed the glass of water that stood on your new food trolley —the one that she had brought you for the morning— against the door, smashing it to pieces.

And that’s when it hit you. That’s right. You just needed to break.

-

“Okay! Let’s try this again.”

You were laying on your side when you heard her, the door opening with a creek along with the wood floorboards underneath the weight of those who had entered the room. You were giving them your back, trying to stay as still as possible, nor even breathing.

You didn’t answer, didn’t even turn. You were getting out of here.

Your lip was bleeding due to your teeth digging so harshly on its flesh, pain shooting through your veins.

Breathe.

The silence that came after that was terrifying, even more the sound of their guns cocking.

Breathe.

Something was wrong. You knew they knew. But they didn’t knew what exactly. So you had an advantage. You just needed to move your pawns the way you needed to and you’d be able to scape.

Steps became closer, and your breath almost hitched. Just a little bit more…

“Hey.”

You moved so fast it was almost impossible to follow, your body suddenly rising and swinging the chain that had had you captive for days. You dodged the bullet that her gun sent towards you and tugged from it when the chain had surrounded her wrist, sending her weapon far away from her reach.

You smiled as you pressed your switch blade against her neck once you’d managed to press her back against your chest, her hair was ticking your skin, and guns were pointing directly to your head.

“Huh-uh…” you chuckled, raising your eyebrows to the group that now threatened you. But you had now the upper hand. “I wouldn’t shoot if I were you. Wouldn’t want her to become my shield, right?”

The red head stood completely still, her green eyes on the oldest man of her companions. Bingo.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, old man. I swear I’m a good girl.” you pouted, still pressing the blade harder against the unknown girl’s neck.

“Ellie-“ he tried and come closer, but Ellie rose one of her hands, stopping him.

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie….

“Clever girl.” you muttered against her neck, and she hissed.

“You broke the chain?” she inquired and you chuckled.

“Not exactly.”

That when they all noticed. The hand that was holding the blade… It was broken, all bruised and bloody, shaking in pain but still ready to kill if the occasion called for it.

“You broke your hand?” the old man that had tried and step closer to help Ellie inquired, his eyes seeming shocked, even impressed by how far would you go to survive.

“Great, so the pops still has great sight.” you rolled your eyes, and he glared at you, his grip tightening around the gun. “You see… It was great. This whole cheap free hotel, nice food, comfortable floor to sleep…But I was getting pretty fucking tired of being your dog.” you shrugged. “So if you let me go… I promise not to bite.” you smiled, the threat on your eyes sending shivers down the spine of anyone that could ever lay eyes on you.

“You see… That was great.” Ellie suddenly said, and your hand shook against her neck. “The whole I’m so fucking crazy I’m gonna fuck up my hand and scape. But your plan is fucking stupid.” you frowned, but soon enough you were groaning when she suddenly grabbed your fucking hand and simply squeezed it, pain shooting down your spine.

In just a matter of seconds she had you pinned to the ground, your switch blade meters away scattered on the floor.

“You fucking bitch!” you seethed, trying to scape her hold, but she simply squeezed harder, digging her fingertips on your bruised and swollen skin.

“Oh, but I though the dog here was you, aren’t you?” your chest rose at her words, and before she could look away, you had spat on her face.

“Let me go.” you repeated, even if you knew you now were the one in trouble.

“Not until you tell me how you found us.” she answered, and you simply quieted down. “Answer me.” you cried out in pain when she twisted your wrist. The pain was making you see red.

“Ellie…”

“Shut it Dina.” she hissed, and you almost swore you could die when she banged your hand against the floor, making your head spin. “Answer me!”

“Joel!” you whimpered, breathy, sweat decorating your skin. “I came…, for Joel.” you muttered and the whole room fell silent. “And from that silence… I’m guessing it’s one of you, isn’t it? You two have aged since the last time I saw you… But I’d never be able to forget those names…” you smiled, and you saw her whole body stiffen up. “Even if it was years ago that he killed an entire hospital full of people just to save you, isn’t that right… Ellie?” her jaw tightened.

“Who are you?” the old man stepped closer, and you stared at him.

“Just the daughter of the surgeon that was supposed to cut her open.” you shrugged, and you shook when his finger pressed just the slightest against the trigger. “Woah, calm down pops. I’m not here to kill you, just to warn you that they’re coming after you.”

“Who? Who is coming after him?” Ellie inquired and your eyes were back on hers.

“Abby. My dear sister.” you scoffed, and moaned in pain when she tugged on your broken hand. “Fuck.”

“And why would you help us?” Joel spat, a visible frown on his face.

“Because you helped me first by killing that son of a bitch.” you answered. “And because she wants me dead too.”

-

You hissed and the woman simply sighed, finishing up with the bandaging of your broken hand.

“This… I don’t even have words for this. So you’re telling me that this group lead by… Abby, is coming after Joel to take revenge on him?” a man with brown long slicked hair sighed.

“How many are them?”

“About twenty.” you bit down on your lip when the curly haired tightened the bandages so your hand would be immobilized.

“Weapons?” Joel inquired, right beside the man who had just asked you. They looked similar. Maybe brothers.

“Guns, knives… Pretty much the same stuff you guys have.” you shrugged.

You could feel that pair of green emerald eyes burying into your skull from across the room, but you’ve decided just to ignore it and live peacefully with yourself.

“I still don’t understand it. Why would you make it all the way here to warn us?”

“I already told your, pops. Shit, you really need to check your hearing.” you rolled your eyes. “I’m just thanking you for killing my father that’s it.” you thanked the woman who you recall had been called Maria before when she had finished up with your hand.

“You’re… Thanking me.” you nodded. “For killing your father.” you nodded again and Joel blinked in confusion. “Why?”

“Why what?” you asked.

“Why are you thanking me for killing him? Shouldn’t you be siding up with your sister and coming after me?” you looked at him and then away, falling silent.

You got up from your seat and took your bag. They all watched you put your coat back on and push your gun on the back of your pants.

“Does it really matter? Just take the fucking help and try not to die.” you spat. It was obvious the venom and bitterness on your voice. “I’m done here. I’m leaving, probably to the other side of this fucking country to live in a farm or some shit until the day I peacefully die.” you pulled up the zipper of your coat. “I would say it was nice meeting you. But you treated me like pure shit, so I’d be lying.” you said before making your way towards the door.

“Wait.” Joel’s brother, now known as Tommy, interrupted your leave. “Why don’t you stay? At least for a couple of days, you’re safe here and they would find you. Once we take care of them, you won’t need to hide anymore and leave. At least let us thank you for helping us.” you stated at him, then at the rest.

“I don’t take charity.” you said. “I’ll leave now.”

“You really wanna go?” that was the first time you’ve heard her talk in hours. You could help but look at her, at her auburn hair, freckles and green eyes. “Since you’ve been in the same room for days, you might have not noticed the fact that we’re in the middle of a fucking storm.” and as if the world was trying to make a point, a loud bolt of lightning came crashing down the sky. How the hell hadn’t you heard those before? “And it will get much worse.”

You took a deep breath. Fucking hell.

After a few moments in silence you talked, sighing.

“Fine. But once it’s gone I am too. I’m not fucking staying for tea parties.” you spat.

And just like that, your cage had expanded from a room to the whole town.

-

Your hand hurt like hell. And you were fucking exhausted. But you couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t sleep as long as she’d be there.

“Are your ever gonna put that thing down?” her green eyes met the switchblade on your hand.

You were back at her house, where Maria had placed you from the time being until she could find a clean and fixed place for you to stay.

“I think we both know the answer to that.” you answered, squinting your eyes, to what she rolled hers.

“Whatever. I’m gonna smoke. You enjoy your little psychotic breakdown.”

You watched as she made her way towards her side bed table and took a metal little box out of it before coming back to the salon, where the two of you had been sitting.

“Weed? Seriously?” you inquired, eyebrows rising when the smell hit your nose once she had opened the lid.

“I’d better be high if I’ll be sharing my house with you. It’s survival instinct.” she shrugged and you scoffed.

“Bitch.”

“That’s all? Damn, you really know where to hurt don’t you?” the sarcasm was palpable on her voice, and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever.”

You two fell silent, and you simply stared at her roll the blunt with her slim yet long fingers, lick the paper to seal it and burn it just the slightest so it would have more firmness.

She took a big inhale once it was lit up.

You shrugged your jacket off, uncovering your shoulders and arms, more comfortable now on only your white tank top.

Ellie’s eyes landed on the exposed skin, the emerald shifting once she had took in the multiple scars that decorated them, along with your shoulders and back.

“Pretty aren’t they?” you sarcastically scoffed, and that’s when she noticed that she had been staring for far too long.

“Clickers?” she inquired, taking another drag of her blunt.

“My father.”

Her face fell, her breath hitched as you looked away.

“Let’s say I wasn’t his favorite.” you shrugged. “And that he was a fucking alcoholic with a lot of bad days.”

Ellie looked at you, silently, listening. She felt sorry for you. She never got to have a father, nor a biological one at least, but just to think about how your own blood could have done something as brutal as that to you…

“So now you might understand why I came here. How grateful I am to Joel for having ripped him out of my life. He saved me.” you muttered, still not looking at her.

Long minutes passed by in complete silence.

You two didn’t interact until she slowly but softly offered you her blunt. You rose your eyebrows before accepting it, taking a drag of it and slightly coughing.

“This shit’s strong.” you bitterly said, but still took another long and deep drag, already feeling slightly lightheaded.

“Why thank you. Appreciate it.” she smirked and your mouth slightly fell. “Best in Jackson.” you laughed at her confidence, your laughter filling and warming the room.

You offered it back to her, and as the time passed you two shared it in a deep silence.

Soon enough it went out, and Ellie got up, eyes tired and body heavy.

“Gonna go to my room. There’s more blankets on that basket in case you need ‘em.” you nodded. “Night.”

“Night.”

And with that you laid on the sofa, eyes unable to close. But it was okay. You couldn’t truly remember the last time your mind had been quiet enough to sleep. Ellie stood up all night as well. And the silence in between the two of you couldn’t be any more loud.

-

a/n; this has been sitting on my drafts for far too long. part two? 👀

ellie williams masterlist! <3

xxx

[rqbossman]

I found out about tma from my friend because he asked me to make an edit of michael distortion and got into it a few months later. I LOVE TMA. I mostly listened to the whole thing three times when I was mostly offline because I have the 200 episodes downloaded on YouTube and now I'm finding out that there's some stuff I missed, there's bloopers, q&a and I was in the wiki because i wanted to see how many times the admiral was mentioned and theres one what the ghost episode? IM GOING INSANE. I love tma. I think it's rotting my brain... it's everywhere, it's in my veins. I need to know everything but when I try to search these things up on YouTube it only shows me rusty quill gaming which I will be watching later but where do I find the other stuff where is the best place to listen to tma and find every extra lore even if it's just the tiniest squeeze of lore? I need to know y'all really did an amazing job with tma, I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of listening to it. I need to relisten to it before hell— I mean... School starts again. Lord save us for another year of merciless torture. Also I was trying to type this fast and forgot to say hi. hi Mr Alex, I hope you're having an amazing day/night when you see this. I promise to listen to all the podcasts rusty quill has after I learn every little squeeze of tma lore. Where is the best place to listen to and learn every little squeeze of information of all of rusty quill podcasts? (I absolutely did not install Tumblr just to ask this what do you mean 😓😓😓)

Lovely to hear from you and thankyou for the kind words. To list good locations for TMA Lore: 1) The podcast feed is obviously first port of call and includes some bonus materials between seasons 2) Our Patreon has an absolutely enormous amount of content in there now and I believe it should at this point be organised into collections so you can just look up TMA and it's all there for you (although that is behind a paywall) 2) Any video QNA's/events etc. not included in the main feed should be on our twitch channel. 3) Rustyquill.com has various links dotted around that have snippets too 4) The fan wiki is a very strong resource. Like any wiki there is the odd error here or there but for the most part its astonishingly accurate and detailed. 5) Special mention to whoever keeps our TV Tropes pages up to date. It was when I saw a proper entry for The Magnus Archives on that site that I actually started to call myself a "proper" writer.

[1920sladydectective]

Two Steps Forward, One Forest Back 2.8K

This is for @kkatsukiswife who had an awesome idea and let me write it! I hope it fulfils your expectations, it's a little longer than I'd intended.

Head of Medarda Oil Corp, Ambessa is exhausted by the silly environmental scientist who keeps ruining her expansion. There's only one way to fix that.

Cross posted to AO3

MINORS DNI

Warnings: Degradation, Tipsy Sex, Exhibitionism and Dumbification kinda, Choking, Bathroom Sex, mentions of bondage

This is NOT proofread cause fuck that:

It had only been three months and yet every moment spent working for the Medarda corporation seemed to shave years off of your life. 

You had gone in so rosy eyed, certain you would be changing the future for the better, making a huge environmental impact, finally able to regulate and report the bastards rotting the world. Your boss, manipulative asshole that she was, had basically promised as much. Instead you sat in opulent boardrooms, battling the wolves as they attempted to turn the world to ash and profit margins. 

CEO Ambessa Medarda was the worst to deal with, her children at least seemed to possess half a conscience. She, however, stared across the mahogany table and tried to devour your soul. It started as small things, not reading your reports before shareholder meetings, or perhaps misquoting some of your numbers. Easily corrected, if you could stand the dark gaze she’d send your way. 

“Of course,” She’d simper, “Thank you for that, my Dear,” 

Soon it became more outrageous, your body flooding with cortisol at every new email you received. Their drilling sight was in a forest, though if you were to point that out she would remind you it was well within the guidelines of oil drilling near wildlife and flora. Well within was a handful of metres, as close as they could have gotten, and every time your numbers remind you of that you have to do a meditative breathing exercise. This wasn’t enough for Ambessa though, there was more just within the treeline and her recent campaign had made it clear she wanted it regardless of the consequences. 

Meeting Four - 24th August 2024 - Recorded Minutes 

AM - Surely a matter of inches will make no impact, gentlemen, and look at the margin of profit. Nobody else has been able to secure a site like this, it would be sellable at an astounding premium. 

ES - Nobody has secured that sort of site for a reason, Mrs Medarda. The havoc it would cause to the local ecosystem is immense, and it is illegal for that reason. 

AM - Not illegal per new legislation, just heavily regulated. 

ES - Do you have any proposals to help you meet those regulations? I seem to be looking at stocks and traders and very little else. 

AM - All in due time

ES - Due time is now Mrs Medarda

You could still feel the air being sucked from the room. It was as bold as you had gotten so far, and her crimson smirk seemed to ward you off of doing it again. The day after the meeting, none of your alarms had gone off, your expensive eco-friendly coffee machine broke and your company key-card stopped working. It had to be a coincidence, but you had been looking over your shoulder ever since. 

Ambessa lingered like a shark who could smell blood. Her beautiful, towering form monitoring your every move. Sometimes, in the quiet early morning it would be only you and her in the building. Her scent seemed to linger, heady and sharp, her sparkling eyes and sarcastic smiles hyper focused on you. It was heavy, such attention, especially when a deep, villainous part of your soul would remind you that she was just your type. Imposing, commanding, insanely muscular. Had you seen her on the streets your mouth would have watered. She couldn’t know that though. Never, ever. She was flirtatious enough when she thought you had no interest, she’d rip your moral compass to shreds if she got a taste of your inner turmoil. She wanted to eat you and you would not let her. 

Her voice, melodic and low, was suddenly in your ear. For Fuck Sake.

“Another eighty nine page legal document in my inbox, darling,” She was so close, so close you twitched, “You really are ensuring the best for our company,” 

“Wouldn’t want you to rush into any development decisions without knowing all the facts,” You said, raising an eyebrow with a shrug, “Bad for business,”

“You’d know all about being bad for business,” She said alluringly, sharp teeth glinting behind her lips, making you gulp slightly. 

She walked away with no other words, her hips swaying impossibly slowly as she took long purposeful strides. You almost groaned, downing cold, bitter coffee beans. This job was going to kill you. 

Days passed in a blur, each one filled with heavy looks and cutting remarks. Each day she moved three steps forward and you pushed her four back. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you thought she’d throttle you against the wall for all to see. 

One day she did. 

You were gasping, body trembling, as she held you against the boardroom table by your throat, fingers trailing your inner thighs. Her gruff voice was taunting you, teasing your aching core as she squeezed your neck just enough for your vision to blur. She had had enough of your interference, showing you how weak you truly were. 

“You’d know all about being bad for business,” She mocked, licking your hard clit. 

There was nothing you could do but submit, babbling and grunting as she finally gave you the touch you craved. Her name fell from your lips in a perverse prayer, wanton and airy. 

You were so close, she could tell, eyes glossy as you thrust into her touch. Your orgasm ripped through you, making you scream. 

Neon numbers glimmered. 3:14AM. 

You’d just had a sex dream about your corrupt oil baron boss, real enough to dampen your sheets. Your body ached and against better judgement you reached into your nightstand, vibrator wiping your mind of all thoughts until you cummed yourself back to sleep. 

As the morning beckoned, so did your crippling, sticky guilt. You couldn’t keep going on like this, you had to get it out of your system and not by having graphic dreams about Ambessa Fucking Medarda. There was only one thing for it, you would have to get drunk at the artsy lesbian bar downtown and fuck a random stranger. Obviously. 

You felt good. Your hair had styled just right, your make up hadn’t made you screech irritatedly at your cat and for once heels didn’t feel awful. This was going well. You were going to get some. Or something. 

The bar was packed, full of swaying hips and swishing hair as you creeped your way to the bar. Cocktails were on offer, dangerous and delicious as you sat swinging your legs on a barstool. Music had you swaying in time, downing drink after drink as you fluttered your eyelashes at every pretty girl who glanced your way. You’d never been too good at the chase, but you were desperate enough to try. 

Dancing was freeing, body moving of its own accord as you twirled in circles and gripped strangers arms, moving fast and close together. Everything felt naturally fuzzy, light and right, exactly as you’d needed. She hadn’t even crossed your mi-

Ambessa stood tall, leaving lazily against the bar as a drunken brunette tried to chat her up. She was sweet enough, giggly and open, relishing in any attention she gave her. She wasn’t quite right though, Ambessa sighed, her parameters were incredibly specific tonight. Almost impossibly so and yet. There you were, tipsy yourself clearly, dancing in the arms of a short blonde woman. Ambessa’s lips curled into a devious grin, waiting patiently for you to catch her eye. 

No. Just no. 

Your gaze was stuck to hers, a magnet pulling you in as your mind swirled. She looked perfect, the confines of the business world had melted away to reveal raw sex appeal. Her muscles seemed larger, clearer as her shirt and trousers clung to her. Her thighs were too delicious, her gold make up adding a shimmer to her dark eyes. You faintly felt the blonde woman���s hands on your hips as you moved, mind full of cotton. Ambessa raised her glass, tilting it towards you mockingly, her grin eating at you. 

Want. Need. All consumin- No. Enough. Goodbye Ambessa. 

Your burning form turned away from her, extracting yourself from the dance and looping the long way back to the other side of the bar, hidden from Ambessa’s position. Downing a tequila shot, you grunted. Your plan was fucked and you needed to leave here as soon as possible, but she was right by the exit. Panicked, you slipped into the bathroom, fingers gripping the art deco sink for life as you huffed. You looked as good as you had when you left home and yet you felt a state, lips puffy and hair seemingly unkempt. 

Click

“Hello there, darling,” Ambessa’s honeyed voice echoed in the tiny bathroom as she locked the main door, “Fancy seeing you here,” 

Your mouth dried, her beauty almost stifling this close, “Mrs Medarda,”

“We’re in a gay bar Dear, you can call me Ambessa,” She snorted, stepping to rest just to your right. She was circling you in her head, your body the sweetest prey she could hope to hunt. 

“Ambessa,” You repeated, unsure, “What do you want?” 

She laughed almost pityingly, it was seductive, frustrating, just like the rest of her as she murmured your name. 

“Me?” Heat burns in your gut, making you cramp with need, the alcohol in your blood no match for the warmth of lust. 

“Of course,” Her hand cupped your chin, forcing you to hold her gaze, “I’ve always wanted you, you must know you drive me to distraction,”

It seemed unlikely, her distracted by anything, but it was such an arousing, tempting thought. Your mouth lulled open in a small gasp, her fingers tickling against your neck. You were done for, mind melting down between your legs the longer she looked at you. It felt like she could sense it, her other hand bending you slightly as your hands scrambled to lie against the ornate mirror so that you could steady yourself, stomach now against the sink. 

“What?” You stammered, as she sank to the floor, strong elbows nudging your legs apart. 

“You’re not naive, pretty girl,” She breathed, her words dancing across your bare thighs, “You’ve got too many brains in your soft head for that,” 

It was odd to be complimented by her, especially for your intelligence. It made you feel proud and happy. Her praise was immediately addictive, spilling forth from blood red lips as she kissed and nipped at your skin. Each word a nail in the coffin of your demise, each kiss a moment longer being drowned by her. You were stuck, and as you caught your own hazy, tipsy expression in the mirror you giggled. Oops. 

Ambessa rewarded your giggle with a lick against your clothed cunt, her tongue flat and slow. Everything went silent for a moment as you bucked against her grip, whining. 

“Good girl,” She hummed, “Soaked for me,” 

“God,” you slurred, she had you desperate and aching. 

“We can make that my name if you like,” She muttered mockingly, pushing aside your lacy underwear and lapping at your drenched hole. Her touch was considerate, fast and calculated as you huffed and sighed. Her strong hands gripped your hips, rocking you against the basin as she fucked you mercilessly with her tongue. She could feel the dwindling hesitance in you, the desire to submit held back by weak moral strings. It was okay, she thought, she’d snap those as you came into her mouth. 

Her goal was simple, make you an empty headed doll for her to ruin, mark and stuff you until you finally understood how to respect her. Then she might actually get somewhere. You were in your own world of pleasure, following her movements as you trembled and burned. It felt so good, better than any dream could have been. 

Your orgasm was close, taunting you and making your vision dance with pretty white stars. Some weak, nearly dead part of you wanted to resist it, to uphold some control. She didn’t own you. Not yet at least. The resistance was too late however, as thick, calloused fingers teased and stretched your cunt out of nowhere, just as she sucked your hard clit into her wet, perfect mouth. Your mind and morals shattered like pretty iridescent glass. 

“Fuck,” You cried against the mirror, eyes rolling into your head, “Shit fuck,” 

���That’s my slut,” Ambessa said, savouring the sloppy liquid dripping down your thighs. 

The nickname surprised and confused you, heavy head looking down at her. 

“What else could you be?” She said commandingly, sucking her fingers dry as your eyes glazed, “You’re so good for me, taking what I give you, like a whore would,” 

You nodded, legs trembling. You did want to take it. Take it all. Whatever she said. It almost made you feel drunker, though the tequila had long since floated through you now. 

“If I had known it would be this easy to make you pliant and soft,” She muttered huskily, words touching your ear as she stood, “I’d have bent you over my desk weeks ago, Little girl,” 

That enough made a small orgasm flutter out, your chest heaving as stared into her eyes in the reflection. Her hand slapped against your wet pussy, making you smile as you blew a little kiss her way. 

Ambessa snorted, smoothing over your slightly sweaty hairline. You were so pretty, even better now you were hers. 

“Watch yourself,” She muttered hypnotically, “In the mirror,” 

You hummed, glancing at yourself. She was pretty to stare at but you didn’t want to make her unhappy. Suddenly, it felt as though you were being lifted above the ground slightly, her strong arm holding you as she stuffed three fingers into you. 

The stretch burned, making you snarl slightly as she made you whole. That was how it felt. Complete and perfect, as the look of your clouded, slutty face made you hornier. You loved how she made you look, how she made you feel, obscene slapping sounds filling the bathroom. 

A light shove against the door, your moan choking in your throat as exhilaration at being quite suffocated you. 

“Oh,” A distant drunken sigh, “This bathroom’s closed for repairs, let’s try the other,” 

Ambessa bit your neck, sucking at your sweet spot, as she felt you clench and gush at the sound of voices, “You like that, Good girl? The thought of them knowing a horny mess is being fucked into oblivious in a random bar?”

You nodded, neck aching with the force as you continued to stare at yourself. Any time your gaze drifted to her she would stop dead, eyes dark. After the second time it nearly killed you and you forced yourself to meet your drooling expression. Ambessa seemed intent on sending you over the edge, thinking she had all of you but your longing voice proved her wrong. 

“My throat,” You moaned, “Need you to c-crush it, like my,” a desperate whine, “like my dreams,” 

Ambessa felt herself black out slightly at your request, your whimpering and begging making her own cunt twitch wantonly. She dropped your feet back onto the navy tile, hand wrapping around your neck with measured pressure. The change was immediate, your body no longer tense and twitching, but limp like the doll she’d dreamed off. You took her relentless thrusts, effortlessly, as she made your blood rush and pulse in her ears. Air wasn’t necessary unless she gave it to you, tongue lolling out of your mouth. You came as suddenly as last time, losing your vision as you squirted down her arm, lungs greedily inhaling air as she crushed your throat and released it. 

You don’t really remember how you’d moved from the bathroom, mind empty as strong arms tidied you up as much as possible and led you through the warm crowds. A long, sleek car sat waiting for her and you were gently placed in it. You’d never been in a limousine before, not that you had any brain capacity to appreciate it. 

“Precious girl,” She cooed, stroking your cheek as she pushed you onto the carpeted floor of the car, “I think it’s your turn, don’t you?” 

She’d slipped her trousers off and her cunt was bare for you to get lost in. You almost squealed in excitement, nuzzling and licking happily all to serve her. It took hours, moving from car, to against her front door and finally in her silky, warm bed. Toys, a violent pounding from behind and some soft ropes had you pleading to serve her, to be used and owned. 

You had been right, there was no coming back from the sweet bliss of her control, consequences be damned. 

Ambessa liked you against her, devoted and spent as she spun commands for you, all sinking into your malleable mind as she fed you sips of water and scratched your scalp. 

Pretty little girl. You were hers now, and so was that fucking forest.

[maximumkillshot]

I Can't Lose You-Part 12

Warnings: Tooth Rotting Fluff, mentions of doctors appointments, that's it!

Pairing: BangChan x Reader

Characters: All the boys except Chan, although Chan is mentioned, Reader

A/N: The reader needs a break!!! So here we are. This one is fluffy, it feels good to me. I hope you guys like it! Also, I am pretty sure I had two seizures in the last two days (At least). Thank you to everyone for being so patient. I will try to resume my Friday schedule. Thank you so much for your understanding and well wishes!!

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

I Can't Lose You Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Bin POV:

“Everyone ready to go?” I asked. Early in the morning the psychiatrist came in to talk to Y/N. They asked me to come in for a few seconds with Han. They let us know that they really didn’t want her anywhere near the house and to stay with at least Han and I, but it was preferable for most if not all of us to be there for at least the first week. The trauma tied to the 3 Racha house is just too much at this point, the doctors were also worried about Chan making the recovery even worse than it already is. Y/N agreed wholeheartedly and with that she was given follow up appointments. Finally the latest blood tests came just before lunch and she was given a clean bill of health and an outpatient appointment for her OBGYN. Felix, Minho, I.N., and Hyunjin all went to the DanceRacha house to start prepping for us to head there. Felix texted me that he had a few surprises for her which made me smile, she needs a good surprise right about now. 

I’m still worried about Y/N. The DanceRacha dorms are a good option, but I know that for me, I still have memories tied to Chris there. I’m wondering if that is exactly what she is thinking. I can’t help but worry about it. “Remember the deal with the doctors is for you to be away from that house and with your support system. Are you sure you don’t want a place of your own? I want you to be comfortable as you heal.” 

“I don’t have the money for that,” Y/N smiled at me. It was a reassuring one, as if she could read my mind. She and I always had this connection. Whenever I was feeling down she would pop in to see how I was doing. 

I remember one time, it was maybe 3am and I was working on lyrics. They were risky, going double the speed of the song's beat, the technique is called ‘double time’ in rapping. Fast spitting rappers do it all the time, think Eminem and Busta Rhymes. It was my first time attempting it and I contemplated each and every syllable like a landmine. Writing it wasn't the issue, it was being able to deliver it while dancing. Those syllables take up a lot of air, not to mention the brutality that comes with dancing and singing at the same time. Our steps aren't insanely difficult, but they definitely take up oxygen like no one's business. So I'd get up, do push ups, jumping jacks, burpees, anything to get my heart rate up to about what it would be when performing, then I'd try to deliver the lines. Doing this is always painful, your body is screaming at you to stop talking, hunch over, and gasp for air. Obviously, we can't do that, so we try our hardest to build endurance. Some are like Chan, who sing while doing cardio (which is insane, by the way, I felt like I was dying when I tried it), some are like LeeKnow, packing on layer after layer of heavy clothing before and during dance practice, forcing the body to exert itself so much that when all of those layers are off, each movement and breath is a breeze (also insanity to do. It feels like working out in a sauna with a weighted, heated blanket on you). Me? I brute forced it. 

Anyway, Y/N noticed that I was really getting obsessed with these lyrics and doing them so that I was as close to the line of unhuman speed crossed with physical activity as possible. I'm the fastest rapper in the 4th generation and I wanted to show why I was. Y/N came into my room and said,“Binnie, you need to trust yourself. You know what's best, you have the best instincts I've ever seen. Remember, if you're about to dive in a pool, don't think about the height of the diving board, clear your mind, and jump in. Don't think, just do.” 

Even now, through all of this, you would think that a bond like that would be weakened, seeing her like that would make some pull away. It just brought me closer. I am in awe of her. The sheer will to live. The tenacity. The beauty in her broken parts know no bounds. It reminds me of ruins from ancient civilizations. Seeing the beauty in what was, and marveling at what is left. Only the strongest parts are left, the essence of that civilization. She is beyond anyone I've ever seen. Her capacity to love is beyond comprehension. 

That's why I am so happy to know her. To really know her. To be the person she reaches for, to ground herself. She trusts me to be there. And I will be. Simply because it’s an honor to love her. Money isn't an object for her. 

“Money isn’t a problem, would you like to be in a place of your own?” I asked again. I would spend my whole paycheck on her if I had the chance. She deserves to be spoiled.

“I still want to be at the other dorm, it’s familiar. For some reason I feel safe there. Is that okay?” She asked, looking at Seungmin. Little did she know that we had been talking about this for a bit before she woke up. We knew that pushing this topic on her would be too much, but at the same time, from what Seungmin told me, the doctors were never going to release her to the same house that Chris is in.

Seungmin chuckled, “Birdie, it’s not a problem, you have never not been welcome at my dorm, you know this,” he deadpanned. It is true…all of the boys over that house would get so excited as soon as they heard Y/N was coming over. They’d want to spend the entirety of the visit with her, a lot of the time they would start to pout if they felt she wasn't spending enough time with them. So when the idea came up their eyes lit up. Anywhere she goes, I'm not going anywhere. 

“Okay then it’s settled.” I smiled at her, combing a stray strand out of her face. I’m happy that she’s finally getting out of here. She has been through so much in such a short amount of time. She needs to be left alone. I am scared for her. I want her to be safe, and worries keep on popping in my head. How do I protect her? What if saesangs get a whiff that something is wrong? What if the company tried to force her to stay with Chris? What if she takes him back? That part hurt. Seeing how badly she was hurt simply because he was being an asshole. Simply because he treated a diamond like sand on a decrepit shore. The thought made me shake with rage as I looked at the woman in front of me, she looked at me with furrowed brows, that brought me back to her.

Y/N looked into my eyes at that moment, like she was tapped into my brain. She gave my hand a squeeze as she said, “Binnie? What's wrong, talk to me…” she shyly played with my fingers. Her touch was feather light given the bruises that formed on my knuckles. I wanted to tell her the truth about them. My impulse to be honest, making the words bubble in my throat. Right behind the truth of what I'm feeling.

I wanted to tell her I love you, I wanted to tell you for so long. The minute I met you I fell for you, your soft voice, your booming laugh, your corny jokes. All of it. Not just the you before but the you now. I know life is going to be hard for you, I want to be there. I want to stand next to you and catch you whenever you need to collapse. I will give you everything I have. You deserve to know what real love is. I know Chris isn't good for you. You don't need this pain, this heartache, you don't deserve to be treated like an option. You are the one and only person I ever loved and will continue to love for the rest of my life. I want you to be happy, and if it's not with me that's okay. I just want you to know that he isn't the only option. I am just one person, I am sure thousands of men would line up and down city blocks just to see you, let alone have a chance with you. Instead I said “ just thinking.”

There is a time and a place for everything. Telling her right now could confuse her more, make her feel like I just want something from her. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The only thing I want is for her to be happy. The fact that she has been used like this and thrown to the side, expected to all of a sudden tolerate the people that did that to her. 

I saw the opportunity to draw attention away and I took it as I said “Seungmin, you have everything?” “Yeah, we should be ready to go soon,” he said as he kept packing all of the random hoodies that were used as pillows when we stood overnight with her. It's been years since most of us slept in the same room as the others. Every few hours a nurse would come in to check on Y/N, sometimes startling her. Everytime that happened Seungmin and I would wake up. We aren't light sleepers in particular, but it was more reflexive than anything. The nurse would quietly remind her that she's safe and all of her boys are with her. No one is going to hurt or sneak up on her. It'd still take a little time for her to go back to bed. Seungmin and I would refuse to even close our eyes until her heart rate went back to resting and her body would be completely relaxed and limp. 

Now that things are starting to simmer down I am wondering why Seungmin had this reaction. He's been very strong through it all and he is even going against his nature of just observing. I am wondering what it is that I don't know. I just want to be filled in. Seungmin isn't known for physical affection, instead opting for annoying people he loves until they inevitably get closer to the edge of insanity. It's an odd way to show love, but Seungmin has never been known for traditional methods. 

So why is it that he’s calling her pet names and smiling at her that way? Did he always smile at her like that? It’s so comforting, almost endearing. More than anything she is sharing the look. Something definitely happened but I have no clue what. 

“Angel, you have all the appointments and all of that?” I looked back to her and she smiled at me saying, “Yup, I just want out of here. It’s been crazy. I just want to cuddle with my boys and watch a movie.” I could feel the sincerity in her words. 

It wasn’t too long after that when Han came with the wheelchair saying, “You’re chariot awaits.” I am still really worried about her. She still says the cramps are no joke. Her cravings are still everywhere too. When she asked the attending about it they explained that her body is still going to have those pregnancy cravings for at least a few more weeks. I could see the hint of sadness in her features when hearing that. The only thing I could imagine herself feeling is that it’s another reminder. A reminder of what could’ve been. 

On our way to the house I could feel her excitement ramp up. I could hear her giggles as she listened to the radio. She waited and bounced at the redlights. I looked behind me and I saw everyone else in the car smiling lopsidedly as she giggled. Y/N wasn’t known for very big displays of excitement unless it was for something that she really really wanted or missed having. 

I could see the color in her face, knowing that if Hannie and I didn’t do what we needed to do, this would not have been the case. Instead, I get to see her smile, feel her laugh a little more, and be thankful for every moment, I always was but now? It’s like I have a deeper love for her. She was already a part of me, but now she is like a vital organ, as odd as it sounds. 

As I was in my own thoughts I heard a song play, it was one that I knew she loved. Immediately I felt her hand grab mine, which was on the shared arm rest. Usually if she wanted the armrest she would just nudge me until I relented and shared, but this was different. She laid her arm on top of mine, her hand interlocking with mine as she sang along to the song. I couldn’t help but think it belonged there. Touches are a part of her expression of comfortability. It’s how she communicates, which I happen to know all too well. This had more weight to it somehow. She felt like she knew that no matter what she’d be safe. Which was and still is true.

When we pulled around the corner we were met with balloons in her favorite color on the doorstep. Her eyes lit up as she said, “What’s this?” I just shrugged as I said, “I don’t know, Lix told me that he was up to something but I didn’t really know what.” As soon as we parked Y/N bounced as she waited for one of us to come around and help her. 

I think that she was surprised at the fact that we had done anything, period. I know that she has a complex. She tends to feel like she isn’t worth the time. That was something that she told me in confidence one night. Every night she would cry herself to sleep for the better part of 2 and a half years. Hannie and I did not catch it until we started spending weekends with her. 

One night I heard whimpering from their room, when I knocked I heard sniffles. I gently pushed the door open, I found her curled in a ball, crying looking at her phone. When I asked her what was wrong she just handed me the phone. On it was a text thread. 

Y/N: hey are you coming home? It’s Friday and I wanted to watch a movie with you. Channie❤️: Not this again, Y/N. I’m working, I don’t have time for this. Y/N: You promised you’d take some days off every week, so you don’t burn out. You even said that those days are our days.  Channie❤️: Y/N the more you talk to me the longer I have to be in the studio. So you are causing me to be away longer because you can’t be patient.  Y/N: I haven’t seen you in weeks, Channie. You are always gone, I miss you and I feel alone… like you don’t care.  Channie❤️: bingo! You are right. I don’t care. My phone is getting turned off. Maybe then you’ll get the message that I don’t have time for you. Get some sleep, trust me, don’t wait up. 

I held her all night that night, I dried her tears as she clung onto me for dear life. Like I said before, her love language is touch, so to literally be starved of that for weeks from her husband made me feel enraged. More than anything, I wanted to make her comfortable. 

I wrapped her in a fluffy blanket of which I called ‘the Y/N burrito’. Then I picked her up while she giggled and placed her on the couch. We watched whatever she wanted. Early into the morning she started craving her favorite snack so we went out in pajamas, got the snacks, and had a movie marathon. It’s one of my favorite memories with her. She started off that night crying and ended it safe in my arms, snacks surrounding her as credits rolled on the T.V. 

I brushed her hair back as I stared at her sleeping so peacefully on the couch. The credits created a dim and timid light as I wiped the chocolate from the corners of her mouth. It was about 6am when Chris walked in. He looked annoyed and just walked past us as if we were ghosts. 

I recounted this as I saw the balloons, thinking that whatever is inside, she is going to love it. 

Han was first to grab her. When Seungmin unlocked the door with the overnight bags slung over his shoulder we could hear a little gasp and some talking. Han held her hand as we walked. 

“This is so sweet you guys didn’t have to,” she stopped at the balloons, looking at them as if they were the most precious diamonds she has ever seen. Then when we walked in she started sniffling. 

Sitting on the couches were 6 pillow sized plushies, and one giant plushie. Y/N loves plushies, their textures calm her. What got her to cry though, was what each of them represented. The one giant plushie was an angel. The other 6 were a lioness, a crown, a bird, a sunflower , Anya, and the National flower of Korea, the mugunghwa, the symbol of eternal beauty, that one has to be Minho’s. 

I have no clue where he even found some of these. Especially the lioness, that one represented I.N.’s nickname for her. Whenever anyone tried to mess with us he always said, “if you think the wolf is bad wait until the lioness hears about this.”

She started crying, “they…. They’re all my nicknames. The ones you gave me.” She immediately went to the angel and grabbed it, hugging it tightly as she cried. 

My heart broke and swelled at the same time. She should never have to feel like anyone is going to abandon her. It makes me so sad to know that she was so scared of losing us. All because of one foolish and egotistical man. He deserves nothing, especially not her love. Yet she loved him anyway. That is the type of person that she is. 

Felix came up to her and said, “I figured if one of us had to go out and you missed us, now you’ll have a piece of us with you. You won’t be alone, and we’ll always come back to you. So when we leave, you can hold on to them really tight and know that soon we’ll be there.” I could see the tears about to leave his eyes.

If anyone was able to do something this sweet for Y/N, it would be Felix. The way that he cares for her, comforts her, it’s like they share one mind. He knows that she loves plushies. Ones that are so soft she can just sink into them. Chris never really liked too many things in his room. So he always discouraged her from decorating with plushies. He also felt that, although they were cute, they had no place in an adult’s bedroom. Especially not a leader’s bedroom. Most of her plushies found residence in my room. 

I had no problem holding onto them for her and sometimes she would even decorate my room with them. Every movie night, before Hannie and I came home, she would grab the plushies and throw them on Han’s bed. She’d decorate with them, with Hannie’s favorite holding a bag of Hannie’s snacks. She’d also have her favorite, she named it Ollie, and Gyu on the bed, with popcorn in the middle. 

That always made me smile. That wherever Ollie went, so did Gyu. Whenever I would sleep in the same bed with her, I would grab Ollie and Gyu. One night she asked if she could hold Gyu for a bit. Usually I don’t let anyone touch him, but she isn’t anyone. Without hesitation I handed her Gyu and she handed me Ollie. I remember hearing her sigh with comfort as she talked to Gyu about me. How lucky Gyu must be to fall asleep next to me every night. She thanked him for comforting me and for allowing me to sleep soundly. Even on every tour, she would pack Ollie and Gyu for me to sleep with. The first time she did it, she wrote a note with it. ‘I’m going to miss you, but so is Ollie. I may not be able to go with you but Ollie can! Sleep well, have a great tour, I’ll see you soon Binnie!-Angel.’

She looked up at Felix, released the angel, and hugged him as she whimpered a bunch of tiny little “thank you’s” into his chest. I think she realized that all of us know that she is scared. We may not say it but we do. We know and we all love her so much. We are here for her. Even if we may not be there in person, there is no place we would rather be than being with her. 

Felix held her and pulled back after a few minutes. He wiped her tears and he said, “come on sit, take a load off. The brownie batter is almost done… unless you want to help?” He smirked at her. 

She practically dragged Felix to the kitchen and Minho yelled, “Yah, I’m not done in here!” She giggled and asked what he was doing. I came into the kitchen to see Minho tying tenderloin together. She was watching curiously as he worked. He said, “it is your first day home and we should celebrate that. I’m making beef wellington, and don’t worry I left out the mushrooms, replaced it with onions and carrots for you.”

“Really? Thank you Minho! This is going to be the best dinner, thank you!!” She bounced and kissed him on the cheek. His ears turned red as he said, “okokok go over there with Lix’ you guys can have the oven first since this needs to chill,” he kissed her forehead right before she bolted to help Lix. I couldn’t help but giggle at her as she breathed life into the room. 

I could see that she was really touched that he said, ‘your first day home’. Those words meant that now she is home. This is her space as well as theirs, that will never change. I could see her trying to hold back tears as she baked. Once things were baking Lix’ plugged in the switch and we had a blast playing games while we waited for dinner to come around. After everything was baked and made, we all sat down for a nice dinner, like we used to in the shared dorms.

Right before we all sat down Y/N smiled and said, “thank you. To all of you. This experience was hard. It was the hardest thing that I have ever been through to date. It’s because of all of you that I made it. All of you mean so much to me. The thing that really scared me after all of this was what would happen if I lost you guys? My boys. I cherish every single memory with each of you. I love you boys so damn much, you are all my family. Seeing what you did,” she looked at me and Hannie, “Being so strong. Crying with me, holding me through it all.” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. Resisting the urge to nudge into it like I always do.

She looked at everyone else, “The fear that each of you must have felt. I know I wasn’t the only one mourning and coming to terms with things.” I saw her look directly at Seungmin for a split second and went back to scanning the table, “I want to thank all of you so much. This experience was horrific. Because of all of you, I made it out. I love you boys so much. Thank you for welcoming me home.” With that, she sat down and leaned into me, I could tell she was either too nervous or embarrassed.

As we were eating and laughing she looked around the table. I sat down right to her left and Hannie was on her other side. I could tell she was doing her best not to cry. I think it was the same for the boys. Two days ago that wasn’t the case. She was fighting for her life around this time. To think that we would all be here, together, a family. It made me want to cry. This is the family that she deserves. Everyone she loves, at home, on time, together. She was so happy and before dessert came out Hyunjin said, “Yongbok-ah phase 2.” Then Felix went running to his room. He came out with a giant comforter and plopped on the living room floor. He then ran to Minho’s room, grabbed his comforter and plopped it down as well. At that point I.N. said, “Movie time! Everyone on the floor!”

Immediately everyone moved to the living room and got a spot except for me. I was helping wash dishes with Minho. When I walked in I could see Minho tearing up as we heard her giggle. I patted his back as I said, “what can I do to help, hyung?” He just shook his head a bit and asked me to help him with the drying. By the time we were almost done with that I heard Y/N calling my name and asking me to sit. I told her that I had to change into my pajamas first and I could hear her ask Lix if she could change in his room quickly. He of course obliged. 

Slowly but surely everyone started changing and pretty soon everyone was sitting on the comfy comforters. I didn’t really know where to sit and Y/N looked at me saying, “I know you aren’t thinking about sitting away from me.” I didn’t want to make it seem like she needed to be next to me all of the time, thinking that I would come off as clingy but it’s nice to know that she craves my touch as well. 

I sat down right next to her and everyone’s faces had giant smiles. I looked at her and she smirked as she held onto my bicep curling into me. This is one of my favorite places to be. Just next to her as she clings onto me like a Koala. 

She was giggling as Felix handed out the brownie sundaes and everyone got comfy. Y/N decided on a comedy for the first movie and out of nowhere she asked me, “You guys were never going to leave me, were you?” 

I just smiled at her and said, “Not in a million years. We love you, we always will. Nothing and no one will get in the way of that.” She gave me an indication that she wanted to be closer so I lifted my arm up, that way she could scooch closer to me. I could feel the tears through my sleep shirt as I held her. 

“Thank you for not leaving me.” She said as quietly as she could. The truth is, she is someone that I need, someone that we all need. She is a unique type of person. After about two movies most had abandoned the comforter pile. By the early morning it was just me and Y/N. We were laying down on her new plushies. She took her place on my chest. Much like that night from years ago, I wiped the chocolate from her face and watched her form as she slept, credits rolling on the T.V. I smiled as she slept. I kissed her forehead and she intertwined her leg with mine. A few minutes later we fell asleep, with the promise of better days ahead.

[youandmedead]

𝕽𝖊𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖜𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖘𝖙 - 𝕬𝖉𝖆𝖒 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖝 𝕲𝕹 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

Warnings: Swearing, heavy angst with no comfort, gory descriptions (it is saw, after all)

Notes: So this is chapter one of the Apprentice Adam fic. I decided to post it on here so I have a better chance at gaining feedback from people so I hope everyone enjoys it (this will also be posted on my A03 account @/Iliketomakeyousuffer as many people also wanted me to post this there, but I'm still trying to work out it's layout/set up)

Taglist: @ghustface737

Darkness shrouded the bloodied and germ ridden bathroom. The stench of bodies beginning to enter their decomposition stages and release their bowels, now that there was no use for them, lingered and entwined with the already nauseating stench that the trap had to offer. So many thoughts and emotions ran through Adam's already haywired brain. Was Lawrence going to survive? He was, right? He had to, he just had to! If he was going to make it, would he send help for him? Would he stick to his promise…after all Lawrence would never lie to Adam.

He said so himself.

With what little strength that Adam had possessed, he adjusted the position he currently resided in. He drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them, whilst trying to avoid further agitating the bullet wound around his right shoulder.

He sobbed helplessly - pain, sorrow, fear and anger all melded into one. The only thing stopping him from completely losing it and smashing an object then cutting his lifeout of existence, was the very thought of Lawrence's return or even the presence of another human being showing up, apart from that sick twisted psychopath that threw him in that god forsaken room and forced a man to completely saw his own foot off in order to prove his worthiness of life. As his mind flashed and flickered to the very moment when Lawrence sawed through the flesh, tissue and bone of his ankle in a mad fit of hysteria and rage, Adam's sons became more violent. His eyes hesitantly lingered over to the severed limb where Lawrence was once trapped - he gagged and his gaze hastily rushed back to his dirt covered knees.

-

The decreasing temperatures began to weave its way into the bathrooms foundations. Goosebumps prickled and littered Adam’s skin, his body began to shake and eventually began to feel a biting numb sensation in his feet, hands and the tips of his ear. He assessed the current conditions and assumed that it was night - he decided to try and keep track of the temperatures within the room to help assess what time of day it is, then from this he could potentially estimate how long he has spent in the desolate deathtrap.

The cuff and chain that restrained him to the massive network of pipes began to feel even more uncomfortable than before. The metal was digging into his skin and due to the cold, it burned his skin and thus irritated his ankle more. He attempted to slot his denim trousers in between the cool metal to ease off the sensation, however the material was wrapped around his ankle too tight to do so. He groaned in dissatisfaction and once again laid his forehead on his knees and hugged himself, hoping that someone would eventually come and save him.

-

Time passed at an agonising rate. On top of all of the traumatic events that Adam had been exposed to, the boredom played another factor in his torture. He found himself beginning to turn to hunger and thirst the longer the hours dragged on. Constant growls of starvation echoed throughout the desolate walls, no food was provided to him...except the rotting corpses laid out before him and the tiny bugs scavenging the floor. Would he grow so desperate for food to the point where he'd devour another's life? Well their time was up...

His body ached all over now and not just at the wound site. After crying, screaming and begging for hours on end, his voice grew hoarse and his throat now burned and he slowly began to feel his emotions drifting away from him. There was nothing left for him now. Despite his humanity and sanity still being intact, Adam wondered how long it would be before even those were stolen away from him. He knew that he wasn’t an angel and he knew that he didn’t have the most perfect track record when it came to people, but did he truly deserve this punishment? Was he not aware of how strenuous his sins and the paths he took in life were? The chains he forged in life were now being weighed down by all of his wrong doings and just like the key that was in that rusty, mucus filled bathtub it went down the drain and the possibility of it being retrieved were zero.

He reflected on himself, as a passenger of life and as a person in the lives of others who he cared for. Memories began showcasing in his mind like a presentation at a massive criminal court case - the bad were specifically provided to him in order to prove his guilt and define why he was in the position that he was stuck in now. He had done so many things that he regretted, things he wished he could travel back in time to prevent himself from saying…he should have really thought before he spoke when faced with a conundrum or a situation where someone’s tone seemed off. He always created enemies because of this and it eventually led to a solitary life. As a child, he was too, very much in the same state that he was in terms of a social life now - he only had one or two friends that he stuck to like glue, but he eventually screwed up and pushed them away, he would always misread a situation or go into defend mode when someone provided him with an act of kindness and drove them away through his stupidity and hot headed resolve. Many arguments that he had had with his parents, friends, past lovers and present lover invaded his fragile mind. With a deep sigh, Adam tried to think of some of the positive experiences he had in life. For example all of the memories he had shared with his partner y/n…they’ll be alone now that he’s gone. Will they believe he just randomly disappeared out of cowardice and despise him or will they search for him?

The night that Adam had been drugged and kidnapped, was the night that the two of them had a huge altercation…an argument that wouldn’t have occurred if Adam had just taken a moment to re-evaluate the situation and shut his mouth instead of adding more gasoline to the already blazing fire. A few tears collected and pooled in his eyes, he was such an asshole for leaving them there…and the fact that he was never able to apologise to them before he was led blindly to death's door will forever haunt him, even beyond the land of the living. They certainly were one of the best things that had ever happened in his life but he was such a fool for believing that his happy ending would be closer than he once believed. The two of them will never be able to sit down together and watch a cheesy B listed horror movie whilst taking a drink from a beer every time someone made a stupid decision or broke the rules that almost every horror movie abides by, they’ll never be able to sit on the local park’s bench during the autumn season drinking coffee, admiring and photographing the beautiful scenery filled with crimson, auburn and medallion hues, they’ll never be able to go see their favourite bands together and get absolutely wrecked in the mosh pits.

They’ll never be able to see each other again.

-

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he weakly muttered, “I'm going to get out of here…Lawrence will come, h-he’ll get me out of here. He’s alive, he’s alive and not dead. I’m going to get out. I have to get out.” The man began to rock backwards and forwards as he spoke to himself in a poor attempt to warm and soothe himself.

“Think of good stuff, don’t be dragged down by all of the bullshit, just think of the good.”

He squeezed his eyes closed, the pitch black that he saw was exactly the same as the bathroom’s brightness level - there was no difference whatsoever.

He searched long and hard in his memories until he stumbled upon a time where he was at his lowest as a child. He sat in the backyard of his family home with his beloved pet dog crying to him about how much he hated his life. He was absolutely devastated when he died. The first and only best friend he had was now gone forever. In a strange way, it helped him know what he wanted to do in his life. He wanted to help families and children have a longer time with their beloved pets:he wanted to repay animals for what they had done for him.

Suddenly Adam recalled telling Lawrence about it:

“Yep, I think I can safely say that it’s too late to become a vet”

“It’s never too late”

Adam then pointed to the bloodied corpse lying face down on the uninviting floor of the bathroom, with his brains splattered everywhere.

“Well he’s got fuck all chance of becoming a vet.”

Silence reigned through the room for a bit before Adam let out a chuckle and in turn Lawrence did the same till it died down and the two stared at each other.

Adam nodded and looked back at the photos of Lawrence's family, what was so wrong that he had done to end up in the same situation as a no good, pathetic waste of space?

-

Throughout his childhood, Adam was incredibly resilient. It felt as if everyone (including the world) were trying to knock him down to his lowest. As he sat there, he couldn’t help but think about how glad he was that he stayed in a weird sort of way. Yes he was still sick of all the assholes the world had to offer and yes he was still dealt with horrible cards, yet as pathetic as it may seem to some, he was glad he was able to find himself a person like Y/n. However he probably fucked up with them just like how he fucked up with his parents and everyone else.

-

His parents…

His mother left him a voicemail an hour or so before he was knocked out by a stranger in a pig mask and scarlett red cloak in his own home. “Adam, are you there? Please pick up if you are there. Your fathers not angry anymore. We just want to know if you’re alright. Please call honey…..goodbye.”

Adam’s breath hitched and exhaustion wracked through his body.

Perhaps some day he’ll be able to get out.

[cripplecharacters]

Hiyaa lovely mods!

First of all, thank you for making this blog! I have read a lot of the posts you have linked in the FAQ, but still have some questions I need help with.

I am visually impaired myself, and am autistic, but I'm not physically disabled, which is why I want to make sure I do proper research (which I will do myself, but I've found that I need some pointers) for a character I'm writing.

It is an Arcane fanfic, the character in question is Viktor. He was born with a limp and chronically ill due to growing up in 'a toxic atmosphere', which was caused by fissures (in Zaun). In my fic he will be a veterinarian, but he will (still) be using a cane, and occasionally crutches or a wheelchair for low spoons/pain days. (I haven't been able to completely specify what diagnosis he has in my fic that matches canon, but I refuse to make him able-bodied.) I have tried to find the name/type of a (manual) wheelchair that has a feature to push the user up to stand (for brief periods) after fastening the legs, but so far I haven't been able to find an answer. Since he'll have to go out on calls sometimes to ranches/farms, he needs to be able to treat large animals too, even on days where his cane or crutches aren't enough.

Could you possibly point me in the right direction so I can continue doing research? Either way, I thank you for your time to read this and for all the work you all do! <3

Kind regards, Jeem

Hello, thank you for your ask! The type of wheelchair you’re looking for is called a manual standing wheelchair or a manual wheelchair with power stand up. Here are two sites that sell them if you need references [x] [x] (NOTE: I myself have not verified if these websites are safe to buy from, but they are safe to visit and have good photos!)

As for a starting place for deciding his disabilities, you can try looking up side effects of long term exposure to pollutants or radiation (just make sure what you’re reading is about the symptoms of chronic/long term exposure instead of acute).

Some common symptoms are:

- cancer

- asthma

- COPD

- cardiovascular disease

- issues with the kidney, lungs, brain, reproductive system and/or hormones

- immunodeficiency

And more!

And since I know a bit about Arcane, I’d like to mention that Viktor has hypertropia, which is when one eye points upward. It’s a small design detail so I understand a lot of fans missing it, but I just wanted to point it out because I appreciate it and hope any Arcane fans following consider adding it to their stories!

Here are two screenshots that I think show it well :] (smiley face

If you need any more help feel free to ask again!

Have a nice day!

Mod Rot

[hazz-a-bear]

I start a new job this week and I’m sat dreaming of silly scenarios where junhui would be finding ways to calm me down and stop stressing 🫠

my brain is running away with me fr right now lmao HELP

my love you've opened the door to a nonstop brain rot AND I CAN'T STOP

first of all congrats omg i hope you do well!! rooting for you <3 and second of all,,,jun calming you down. you know I'm going to eat this up.

warning: absolute fluff

I think Jun would be the happiest to hear about a new job, a new promotion, or anything like that. No because I can imagine his face - pinched and confused when you sit him down and it instantly melts into such a happy smile when you break the news to him. He'd be over the moon, hugging you to his chest - "are you serious? holy shit, that's- that's so great, I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you, angel, yes, I am"

He'd be more excited than you at some point, being your number-one hype man and making sure you're absolutely ready to face this with a smile. So when he notices just how anxious you're feeling, he'd get so worried. Junhui would be so concerned, just trying to find ways to make it better and let you know he's right beside you.

I feel like he's rather quiet when it comes to offering help - sticking to acts of service rather than using his words. Sticking to you like glue, helping around the house with the excuse of spending time with you all just to make sure you're okay. Getting you small gifts throughout the week, leaving sticky notes on the fridge, sending you absolute nonsense messages throughout the day to pull a smile out of you, and taking you into his arms every chance he gets.

He'll care silently until he corners you in the kitchen one night. He'll brush your hair behind your ears before looking into your eyes - "you can tell me what's wrong, baby. tell me what's going on, yeah? I love you"

He'll listen to every word you have to say. He'll let you curl up into you and press your face into his shoulder as you lay all your worries in front of him. Junhui will absentmindedly fiddle with your fingers, and play with your hair as he listens because he's also getting a little anxious as he realises how much the nerves have been bothering you.

"I can't tell you it won't be anxious, baby. Because it will be at first, it always is. For maybe, a couple hours? A day?" He'll try. "But I know you, I know my girl. you're going to do so well, I know that"

"Don't forget you have me, okay? I'm always here. I know I can't really be there...on site. But, you're still going to get my hourly check-in messages! and you can call me anytime, no? I'll always be here, I will"

If you have a little cry because of the anxiety, Junhui will be right there to hold your hand through it. He's reminding you to breathe, baby, breathe for me and he rubs your back as you try to come back, being so so careful and gentle with you. He'll cradle your face in his palms and pout exaggeratedly once you've calmed down, trying to pull a smile out of you. Once he's got you all back to him, he'll tug until you're entangled in him, heartbeat against your ear.

"I wish I could make it better, baby, I really do" He'll stroke his fingers down your back. "Hey, It's going to be okay, okay? You have me. It's tough, baby, I know, I'm sorry. But I promise, I'm going to be right there with you. You won't be alone in this, not for a second. I'm always here"

"You're going to do great, just like you've always been. I'm so proud of you. So proud, you don't understand"

"I love you so much, angel. You have me, right here. I'm here"

OKAY THIS WAS VERY RUSHED AND VERY OUT OF ORDER BECAUSE I WENT INTO A WORD VOMIT RATHER THAN A PROPERLY STRUCTURED WORK. ( also it's past midnight so I have no idea what I'm writing rn, I feel like I'm possessed. I'll prolly write something properly worded based on this too cause it was just TOO ADORABLE )

thank you.

[iron-embers]

Your art on rule 34 🤡

Oh no, what a nightmare....

Not!

We all know you are the same troll that makes millions of sub accounts just to harass people as if that would work, but this is just laughable that you are trying and failing to taunt me as if this will hurt me in anyway. Congrats, you played yourself. The sheer stupidity of you committing art theft and showing your account on that degenerate site just shows how dumb you are. Did you honestly think I would be offended by you giving me evidence of your troll account which shows all your mental illness in one go. I mean, you gave me free advertisement which is a small plus but really I'm cackling at how pathetic you look doing this, thinking you have an ounce of power. As if you are to be feared just cuz you stole people’s art and twisted it.

Get out if your lil power trip, get some mental help, and maybe people will actually respect you. Cuz the only thing you're succeeding at in life is bringing people together that aren't toxic like you and they all despise the bullshit you're doing I literally could care less about your tantrums, real adults wouldn’t waste their time with a pathetic degenerate like you, but I’m responding only because you have shown yourself for the true psycho you are. I've seen all the stupid shit you have been pulling at some sad attempt for attention, I feel bad for the people that get hurt but wow, talk about you exposing yourself as the lil arrogant dumbass you are. I'm not even involved and I've seen all the racial slurs you've been throwing around, saying everyone that supports the people you don't like are white and racist, fun fact dumbass-

I'm a person of color, I'm Hispanic and as such seeing you trying to represent this is disgusting. I do not advertise my race because unlike you Race does not define my being, I do not judge people based on race, I form mutual respect with others that show me that same respect as a person. Race doesn’t mean shit when you are mental case trying to cause problems where there are none. I’ve already seen you reach out to multiple people to try and taunt them with false accusations, and the sheer fact you are racially profiling everyone based on art is even more racist in itself. I'm not even inolved in whatever drama your pulling, but you pulling the victim card just cuz you are a person of color is despicable, and you have the audacity to falsely claim I'm white is incredibly racist. Being white isn’t insulting, so what of the color of your skin. The people you insult are wonderful people we enjoy interacting with, and you are not and that has nothing to do with the color of your skin. I could be like you and be all "Oh boo hoo, are you scared of colored people, show more representation?!". But We are better than that, and left wondering what the actual hell is wrong with you. People are people no matter what race, and what you have shown is you are not deserving of being called equal if you don't have the human decency to treat others with respect. This is a place for people to enjoy their own lil piece of obsession, but you have taken it too far. One day I hope you go get the help you need, but seeing as how desperate you are for any shred of attention, you are beyond help. And as such your behavior does not deserve an ounce of attention.

People ignoring your stupidity isn't out of fear, it's the mercy they are giving you because why Grace stupidity with a response. You are pushing people to that point where they will no longer be tolerant to your Bs and I can promise you that will never get what you want. Take the hint, cut it out, and if you are just so offended by everyone here, then leave. People have better things to do in life, and you should probably put this ridiculous obsession into something more positive and productive. It makes you look an utter fool.

All of us will continue making what we love while you rot in your lil troll corner, with no courage to actually talk things out like an adult and the evil in your heart to try and fail to make everyone miserable. Imma keep laughing from your stupidity as I keep making what I love. If you wanna keep harassing, lying, and stealing art, go ahead and dig your own grave. Go ahead and give people more reasons to dislike you, I found this hilarious.

Let this be a post for those being harassed by this lil psycho or do not condone this idiocy, keep doing the amazing art and create without feeling as if twisted people have the power to ruin it. Cuz trolls don’t have any power over what you make and like, they will try but fail because they wish they had this confidence to being a respectful member of this fandom. Keep reporting them, keep blocking them, keep showing them that their degeneracy will get them nowhere. There are many of us that love and respect one another, and there is only one miserable ingrate that has nothing better to do than stir up trouble. Don’t let this troll ruin your fun just cuz they are a jealous idiot. They wanna throw around the retard insults at others, get a mirror troll, cuz this just shows how much of a retard YOU are.

[the-goya-jerker]

so this might be a bit out there but if you're willing to answer what are your thoughts on the blowfly girl story

TW: Maggots, lots of maggot, and rotting things. This is deeply unsanitary and sexual, and if you have a weak stomach, any issues with maggots or parasites, or issues with contamination, turn back now. The linked site has a bunch of maggots as the cover image.

The actual story also contains scat and piss kink.

I'm even putting this under a read more since I recognize this is not quite like my usual content.

In short:

When I googled this what I found was Blowfly Girl's Maggot Story.

This story is what I would classify as, perhaps, grotesque erotica. It is written, whether truthfully or not, by someone who is aware that it is "gross", they are slightly repulsed by it, and in that repulsion they find some sort of sexual gratification.

I'm truly amazed I've never come across this before.

We could talk all day about whether this story is true or not, or about the safety of doing things like this, but I'll leave that to you to work out yourself.

In this story a girl shoves rotting meat covered in maggots into her pussy while in a dumpster.

There's a really strange dichotomy occurring where Blowfly Girl is deeply repulsed by what she is doing, but she is also deeply aroused. I do feel some kinship to her. Sometimes, for me, repulsion or terror and arousal are very closely married ideas. I think, really, sometimes our strong emotions can warp into arousal. It's similar, in principle, to when you're so upset that you just start laughing.

A few quotes from this are deeply evocative to me though and I'd like to highlight them here.

- "Holding myself up against the side of the dumpster, I threw up. Ever vomited while you were horny? It's weird." - "I felt so filthy, so disgusting, like I'd turned myself into some low, depraved sort of beast. And that made me so incredibly hot" - "that I'd stuffed the most intimate part of myself with these things that were too disgusting to even touch without gloves. And that I was totally getting off on it." -"Other girls have babies but I give birth to decay and filth"

I will admit. As I read it grew on me a little. I really do see where she's coming from.

There's a point where she's seemingly in an altered state, feverish and sick and delirious, and completely consumed by the rot inside of her and the arousal.

I do think, objectively, this story is erotic. It did make some awful excitement twist in my chest. Her desperation to have them inside of her, the degradation she feels while also feeling a deep fondness for her maggots. There is something appealing about loving the parasite inside of you.

However, I do have some issues with things that get too close to gross-out content. This threads the line so hard, I'm genuinely torn.

I'll give it a 5/10 because the mixed feelings I have on it are a little confusing.

Either way, I hope Blowfly Girl is living her best life, I hope she's being safe and I hope she's still living her truth out there.

[fandom-trash-xl]

EPISODE 7: COLLAR

#NotMyGoku

A SINGLE SHOT CHANGED IN THE OPENING. They replaced the minotaur with a bunch of King Kidan's royal entourage.

We tune back in with Team 2- turns out the ship failed because one of its systems required a Demon Realm exclusive element. Luckily, just that very second, Hybis comes by to pick them up. We get a cute little second of Vegebul where Vegeta steps in front of his wife, but, otherwise, they pretty much trust Hybis instantly.

And Bulma's coming along! Don't know what made up her mind this time. Maybe she was kinda curious anyway, but Kibito not coming along gave her space in the ship to tag in. Maybe she wants to pursue that new element for science reasons. Maybe her husband has abandonment issues.

Back in the Demon Realm, Goku discovers magical multimeal rations and we, the audience, discover the writers' barely disguised fetish right as the Gendarmerie pulls them over. Turns out Panzy's collar isn't letting them fly under the radar.

Panzy's also got a sharp eye, at least for spotting the fuzz.

After pulling off some Instant Transmission (which seems to be working just fine) shenanigans to keep Goku out of sight, the demon cops finally decide that Panzy's suspicious after the failed smoke bomb raid- they don't seem to care or even acknowledge that she's the princess.

We get a brief little fight- Shin can actually hold his own, Glorio shows off his lightning techniques with a tactical precision strike (I then proceed to dissolve, help me), and Goku gives the last plane a Team Rocket blast off with a... regular ki blast. No Kamehameha yet?

Unfortunately, broken glass is enough to stop our heroes, so they have to steal one of the Gendarmerie planes. Panzy disables the communicators on the unconscious grunts, but there's still the concern of her collar.

She can't break it, it's made of Katchintite! It's indestructible! Never heard that one before! /s

Proving my point, Shin has some magic that can break it!

Speaking of Shin, turns out he has a true Demon Realm name- Nahare. Still doesn't seem to match up with his siblings' names, unless there's some sort of wordplay I'm not picking up on.

Once they're on the road (in the sky?) again, Panzy gets in touch with her hacker friend (he's giving Kikono vibes, but also frog vibes) to give them a new Warp-Sama passcode. And I sure hope those are headphones he's got on, because if we're breaking the Demon Realm pointy-ear rule already, I swear...

Maybe there are a few round ear folks in the Demon Realm, just more of outcasts.

Goku's too itchy about fighting the Tamagami to hold off and wait for Vegeta and the rest of the gang, so he tells them to just catch up to them just as Hybis is giving his demands for payment in worm pizza. (And he's single, you say?)

Not that we're at the Tamagami site, now's the time to point out that the Dragon Ball Super rot has returned.

Fuel for the ill-informed "Bad Dad Goku" fire: "How did you raise a kid?" "Oh, I wasn't really involved!"

OH SHUT UP RIGHT NOW

On top of that, Goku's backpedaling in his recovery in Fight-holics Anonymous. "Gee, I wonder how strong the Tamagami is! I can't wait to fight the Tamagami! The strong villain couldn't beat them that makes me want to fight them more!" What happened to the goal of, you know, getting the wish to help Dende?

Anyway, let's breathe and go over the next episode preview:

Goku fights the Tamagami as Piccolo, Vegeta, and Bulma get up to some Demon Realm shenanigans, and Glorio continues his shady dealings.

EPISODES WITHOUT KNOWING HANVI'S WHEREABOUTS: 7

The counter seems even sillier now that we're fully in the Demon Realm, but it's about the bit!

[misserabella]

stray pt 3

joel miller x fem! reader

< previous chapter next chapter >

summary; after saving Joel and Ellie from the brink of death, you get caught with having to live with two more strays.., and you don't do strays.

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3!; either ways, i hope y'all like it.

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

warnings; eventual +18 content! (age gap), MINORS DONT INTERACT IN THE CHAPTERS WHERE IT IS IMPLIED IN THE WARNINGS. and smut, mentions of death, possible deaths, blood, fighting, angst, fluff.

warnings for chapter 3; angst, mourning, reckless activities, cigarettes, alcohol, talk about previous deaths, mentions of blood and clickers, mentions of murder, a cute Ellie, and MUSIC (you’ll understand later…) WE FINALLY GET TO KNOW WHO LAURA IS!

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

The cold caves into your bones, the air freezes your lungs, which you fill with the smoke of the 4th cigarette you’d lit up that night. There’s a bottle of whiskey that you kept on your hidden spot for moments like this. Moments where you needed to pull your feet back to the ground stronger, where you needed to understand your present.

The stars were slowly fading, your eyes getting tired. You took a shot from the bottle, your throat burning and veins rushing. It all made the distance bellow your feet seem bigger.

You took a look at the empty site at your left. It used to be warm, but now it was as cold as ice. A pang of pain fills your chest and you only can drink up one more time. The alcohol was running out. Half a bottle down. “Fucking bitch.” you muttered, a broke laugh leaving your chest.

You were angry. “You fucking bitch, Laura…”

You were hurt. “You really had to go and be a hero, huh? Always the good fucking girl you are, hm?” you shook your head, hands trembling, ashes falling. “Well, was it worth it? If this is what means being a hero… Was it fucking worth it…?” one more shot, your mind is getting fuzzy, your eyes are getting softer, your tears getting bigger…

Your mind wanders back to the time when you’d have gotten an answer, not this silence. This goddamn silence that has surrounded you, caged you.

“If you only you had just run.” you muttered. “If only you had just run!” your voice breaks and breathing gets harder. You hated it. Hated her.

‘I’ll see you later, alright?’

“You goddamn liar…” your eyes stung with the tears you so stubbornly forgave to let go of. “You’ve been gone for a year. Where are you, huh?” the bottle empties in your stomach and your body shakes.

Your mind remembers you of that day, of the tears you’d shed. Of the arms of Larry around you, pulling you away from the closed doors of hell, letting Laura there to burn, to rot.

‘Let go of me! Let go! Larry, let go! Laura… Laura is still in there! We need to save her! We need to…’

‘I’ll see you later, alright?’

Maybe you could have saved her. Maybe if you had stayed. If you hadn’t let her close the door and save you. Maybe you would have been able to kill the infected, maybe that bloater hadn’t ripped her apart…

“Fuck.” your anger hits and the glass spatters though the floor, the crashing of the Daniel’s bottle reminded you of yourself.

But no. You had had to listen to her quiet screams and moans of pain through the other side of the steel door, which won’t open to your tugging, stuck, safely shut against the death, the danger. She had tried to stay quiet. To go silently. Stubborn.

You couldn’t suppress your tears for much longer. The cigarette long burnt out.

Your ears catch the cracking of glass at your back, and your hands clutch your gun, pointing in a swift motion.

Joel.

You let out a sarcastic scoff. Of course.

The beams of the sun suddenly rise behind you and he glows on a shade of orange that makes his brown eyes shine.

He stares at you, silently. You put down your gun. The gray of his hair sparkles like the stars in the sky, long gone.

You look away and swiftly blink out your tears as you put back your gun into your pocket. The glass cracks and then he’s leaning on the wall you sit down. On your left. That ice cold spot that hasn’t been filled in so long. Warm again.

Yoke stomach churns. The terrace has never felt more crowded.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. He doesn’t answer ‘till a lit cigarette sits on his mouth.

“Watching the sunrise.” he shrugged, his tone more like a mock. “What are you doing here?” as if he didn’t know, as if there wasn’t glass under his feet and he couldn’t smell the alcohol from your skin. You didn’t answer, going for your 5th cigarette. Your first of the morning.

The next time he talks, his words dip on your skin like knifes. “Who’s Laura?” your head snaps towards him, rage on your veins, but you find his eyes and they seemed to hit you with more alcohol ‘cause you went numb. You don’t answer. You can’t. ‘Cause he’s on her seat, and you fear your voice will crack. Instead, your eyes burn. You understand where you are once again.

“Does it matter?” you inquired, looking away, pushing your voice out of your chest, hardening your gaze, swallowing everything inside…

Your cigarette is dying fast, and you are breathing hard.

“Of course it matters if it makes you drink a whole bottle of whiskey…” he said, and you almost laughed.

“What are you and Ellie hiding from?” you asked back. If you two were going to talk about delicate things…

His face changed, and you noticed. He stayed silent and took a hit of his cigarette. You had aimed perfectly, hit the mark. He sighs, the smoke leaving his mouth.

“Ellie… Is important.” he suddenly said. “She…, could be the cure to all of this shit. No more infected. No more deaths… They promised that they just needed a bit of her blood.” they? “But they lied, I only found out what they were going to do to her mere minutes after she had entered the surgical room… They… I had to save her.” he couldn’t find the words, let them out of his chest. You understood. They were going to kill Ellie to save the world.

“I understand.” you muttered.

“Isn’t it selfish?” he inquired, and you thought about it. Maybe it was the alcohol on your body. Maybe your broken heart, but the noise that filled the silence wasn’t that bad… “This could have been the end of all.”

“No.” you simply answered. “If instead of Ellie it had been someone as important to me as she is to you I would have saved her too, no matter what I had to do.” your voice was soft, softer than he had ever heard it, your eyes on the sun. You glowed, but a sadness surrounded you. A sadness that you thought would never disappear. “No matter who I had to kill.”

He falls silent. He believes you. He has seen the look in your eyes every time you hold a gun. It was ready to shoot, to kill…

“Now they are looking for us. Don’t know where to go. The big cities still are under FEDRA’s control.” he seems tired. He is tired. His mind can’t stop racing. The long hours of the night seeming danger. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Ellie being taken away, being put under on that metallic table ready to be cut open. “Can’t stay here either. We are taking up your space.”

You didn’t answer. It was true. They were taking up space in your home. But did it really matter? You found it horrible while empty, it didn’t change if they were inside or not. Every corner of that apartment was haunted. Only the fact that it was never quiet. That you were never alone.

“Laura…” your breath hitched, your mind dizzy. “Laura was my best friend.” he listened, and you felt like breaking. ‘Cause it had been a long time since you talked about her, since you introduced her to anyone. You looked into his eyes, a ‘you don’t have to’ silently screamed. “She died. She saved me and died.” you scoffed, shaking your head. “She was one of you. A stray that I found on my way back home. You should have seen her, with her curly hair and ragged clothes. She was so young… We were so young…” a sad smile tugs from your lips. “And she was so scared. I didn’t like her at first. Why did I need to take her in with me? I didn’t know her and she was always so loud…” you laughed, and this time your chest felt lighter. Joel looked at you, listening, taking everything in. “Always doing something. She made our flat a mess; decorations everywhere, music in every goddamn room... Most days I ended up with a headache. But now… You don’t even know how bad I’d want to wake up to her making coffee in the kitchen, to beg me to take another picture together…” you never got to talk to her about this. You never had friends. Never before her and never after. “I haven’t stepped into her room since she…” you couldn’t say it, instead taking a deep breath. “I still hope she’d come back, everyday I try to lie to myself about it, try to make myself believe that she’s okay, that she’s alive and that she’d come back.” your eyes stung, but you wouldn’t cry. It was always like this. Fighting with yourself to not be vulnerable, to not fall apart, even if that was what you needed the most, what you truly wanted. “I can’t sleep without seeing her.” you confessed.

So that was why you never slept…

“How many days has it been now since the last time?” he inquired, and that’s when he noticed just how deep your eye bags were, how tired you look.

“Five.” you answered and he nodded.

“I’m sorry…, about Laura.” it was you who nodded this time.

“It’s not okay, but it has to be. I can’t have it any other way. She’s gone.” that was the first time you ever said it out loud, and for a moment it all seemed to be falling apart behind your feet, ‘till it wasn’t. Your eyes met Joel’s, grayish hair blowing with the wind.

You’re drunk. So drunk than this time you take your time to really look at him. He just looks at you back. His lips surround the bud of the cigarette, they look smooth, plump and pink, his jaw was sharp, his cheekbones tall. His mustache and beard paint his face with roughness. His eyebrows are full, and his lashes long, his nose big…

“Your watch is broken.” you suddenly said and he scoffed, smiling, trying to fight the bubble of laughter on his chest. It was so…, sudden. But it was expected, God knows what goes on inside a drunk’s head.

“It is.” he says, and looks at it with the same smile.

“Mr. Fidcht could fix it up for you, he’s a watchmaker.”

“It’s okay. I like it this way.” you nodded, and in silence let go of it, trying to ignore the little change in his eyes when you had talked about it.

Everyone has things they don’t like to talk about.

Back at the apartment, it somehow seemed brighter, cozier. Maybe it was just you being drunk, but it made your heart race, ‘cause it felt like her somehow.

You fell on the sofa, your body aching and wounds pinching, your body felt heavy and warm, and you were tired, your own breathing lulling you to sleep. Your mind for once wasn’t afraid of seeing Laura in dreams, your heart blooming when, instead of the same nightmare that had been torturing you for months, you dreamed of the day you two met.

-

The sound of shuffling papers and the trickling on your arm slowly woke you up. You frowned as your sight cleared up, confuse and with a slight headache. When you finally woke up entirely and focused your eyes, you noticed where the noise had been coming from: Ellie. She was seating at the feet of the sofa in which you were sleeping, a comic book against his legs as he read. The tickling on your arm was her wavy her, which now stood down, reaching her shoulders. He was munching on a sandwich as she read. ‘Savage Starlight’, you recognized. How could you not?

“Shit brat, am I your pillow or what?” you groaned, and she looked back at you with surprise at your sudden voice.

“Oh, you’re alive. Though for a moment you were an infected, you were growing vines in that sofa.” she funnily said, and you flick your middle finger onto her forehead, smiling triumphantly as she curved on herself and whined in pain, pressing her hands to the affected zone.

You got up from the sofa and you stretched your back, groaning. You always ended up with back pains after sleeping on it. You quickly made your way to the kitchen and took a big glass of water with a pain killer.

“I made eggs. There are some left there.“ Ellie suddenly said as she had followed you to the kitchen. Her forehead red as she pointed to a covered pan. You took a peek at them. They were completely black.

“Jesus Christ kid, how did you managed to fuck up some scrambled eggs? Fucking scrambled eggs!” you say, taking the pan and showing them to her.

“I don’t see the problem in them.” she says and you gave her a ‘really’ look that made her roll her eyes. “Okay… Maybe they are a little burnt up. But I promise they are not that bad.”

“Yeah, only if you are looking to die.” her offended face almost made you scoff when you threw them into the bin, the pan sitting soaked on water to later on scrape the burnt bits off.

“Rude.” she rolls her eyes and leaves the kitchen to go to the salon, you watch her go though the open apartment. You get on with toasting some bread, today more hungry than yesterday. Maybe due to the hungover. Suddenly the apartment fills with music and you turn, body shaking, heart racing.

“80’s! Joel had a radio that always was playing 80 songs, he was always in trouble.” she smiles as she looks at you, though her smile falls when she sees your face. You’re looking through her, at a ghost that always dances in the room. “I… I can turn it off if…” she tries and apologize, fix it, but you cut her off.

“No, it’s okay…” you promise, more like blurt out, ‘cause it felt painful, but right. It had been a year since you listened to music. It never filling your life like before. “Leave it.” your eyes soften, and Ellie freezes, ‘cause she can see the phantom of a smile, and it’s so rare that she wants to take a picture. “That’s one of my favorites.” she smiles. Beams. And turns it louder, bobbing her head and finally starting to dance while humming a song that she really doesn’t know, but feels.

You watch her, and you can almost hear Laura’s laughter. Can almost see her dancing and singing for you, screaming for you to join her.

You smile, but never show it, instead eating your toast as Ellie looses herself to the music, for the first time in weeks feeling finally safe enough to enjoy it. Really enjoy it.

And you think that maybe someday you’ll join her and teach her a couple moves.

-

When you see Joel once again is late at night, so late the lights are out and you can hear snores every now and then coming from Ellie sleeping in your room.

He freezes when he hears the soft music you’d left playing on the salon, a lullaby to the silence inside of your apartment.

‘music in every goddamn room…’

He recalls from your conversation early on the morning.

His eyes met you out on the balcony, smoking, your eyes soft on the sky. You were breathing slowly, daydreaming, taking hits of your cigarette just to let the smoke scape in between your lips.

He doesn’t say hi once he makes his way to the empty seat he had been occupying the last few days. There’s no need. You don’t either.

You spare him a glance, he lits a cigarette.

“No alcohol.” you nod. “And the music?” he inquires.

“Ellie.” you simply answer and his eyes screamed a sorry that you didn’t accept. It was music. Music that once you used to dance so happily it hurt your chest to remember.

“Larry asked for you. Went to help him with a fence.” he says and you nod again.

It was always this quiet in between the two of you, you’d noticed.

As the other night, your first-aid kit is open and ready to be used. It was time to clean your wounds. And just like the other night, he gently helps you clean the one wound on your cheek that you can’t see.

It’s gentle, and soft, careful… You noticed how your chairs had come closer for him to get a better reach. Had it been you? Had it been him? You didn’t know. It doesn’t matter anyways…

He puts on the plaster and pulls away, and you thank him. He doesn’t get that often. He likes it. He looks at you and then takes a hit of his cigarette.

“I lost someone too.” he suddenly says, and your eyes meet his jawline. “When the outbreak happened. I tried to scape with my brother Tommy and my daughter, but the highways were clogged and we got into an accident trying to look for another way out.” he takes a deep breath, and you noticed that you had been holding yours unconsciously. “We had to get out and run. Escaping from an infected, a soldier saved us, but then… Then his superior gave the order to kill us. I tried to make up his mind. They were gonna shoot us because they thought we were infected. We weren’t. But he wouldn’t listen and fired the gun…” his eyes look so empty it breaks you. You could hear the sadness on his voice. “Her name… Her name was Sarah. She died on my arms.” your breathing catches, and he simply falls silent. “My watch was her birthday gift to me. I can’t bring myself to fix it.”

“I’m sorry.” you say, and his eyes softened on you, telling you it was okay, that now you too knew that he had loved someone that he had lost.

You stayed silent for minutes on end. Your cigarettes die, and you stand in the middle of the night alone in your balcony, your eyes on the distance.

“You could stay.” you suddenly said, and it caught you both by surprise. Your mouth moved faster than your brain. “Here. I mean.” you clarify. “FEDRA can’t touch you and Ellie here, she’ll be safe.”

His eyes met yours and the air surrounding you feels warmer.

“I thought you didn’t like strays.” he says, and you smile, and he can swear his heart stops. It’s just as blinding as the moon that hits his side, a sight never seen.

“I don’t.”

-

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