#at this point I honestly don't know about the etiquette of using one of the main tags for this?

[thelongestway]

Hmm. Not sure if approximately 8 or approximately 12 chapters, depending on how the situation is actually resolved.

For now, have more of someone who slept through the last story trying to make sense of things!

Chapter 3

Setting a trap for the ship turned out to be harder than this Friend thought. Dandelion lead it to a room inside herself where she was not present at all. Feed blank. Unusual outside of holding cells. But the person meeting the Friend did not look like an interrogator. Ke lived up to kes name: lanky, frowning, looking like ke hadn't slept in a while.

Perhaps this could be a piece of the puzzle, too.

"Captain Reed of the Dandelion Tenacious, node ship of Trellin," ke said, nodding kes head at me.

"Atmir Ran." This Friend said. "I have had no political affiliation for the last four years."

There it was. The captain blanched, surprised.

"Dandelion has just read me an entire lecture about the Friends not having individual names, and about how…" Ke paused, choosing words, and chose: "…how it would be perfectly normal if a Friend never referred to themselves with a pronoun indicating a sense of self. And that has now been torpedoed within seconds of starting this conversation."

Ke sighed deeply. This was obviously not the first thing to go wrong in kes day. Nor was it in the first thing to go wrong in this Friend's day, for that matter. Just how many of them knew? How many of them knew now, after this Dandelion Tenacious had informed them?

Captain Reed continued: "So. Is Dandelion wrong about you being a Friend? Are we wrong about what being a Friend entails?"

"Was this the initial subject of the conversation, Captain Reed?"

"The initial subject of this conversation was to inform you about the latest developments in this rainstorm of a situation we find ourselves in, and to ensure our maps align." Reed said, briskly. "But now I'm not sure we are starting even vaguely in the same quadrant."

This Friend waited.

So did Captain Reed.

"You are crafting a difficult situation to start explaining from, Captain," it finally said.

Captain Reed pressed kes lips together in a thin line.

"Well, Atmir Ran of no political affiliation, be assured that the difficulty flows downstream, and I am just as drenched as you are. We shall have to start draining somewhere. Am I talking to a Friend or not?"

"Requesting context on relevance?"

"According to Dandelion, she gave you her logs."

"Yes. And they have been reviewed. But they make no sense."

"Fantastic," ke said, teeth gritted. "All right. Let us start from the beginning. My medical officer has just threatened to kill people on an entire sector of Preservation Station, because she thought she had no other recourse to stop a doctor from accidentally killing a patient, and she could not abide by that. If you are a Friend, and the operation would have killed you, then she is standing on something resembling ground, at least. If you are not a Friend, then we are deep in quicksand, and I would like to know this so we can start crawling out, very very slowly. Has this helped?"

"You are in quicksand," this Friend said. "It does not matter if your medical officer was right or wrong. One life for dozens is not a good trade."

"I agree. And the fact that no lives have actually been lost, if only by exceptional luck, is a rope thrown to us. And yet the facts matter."

"Dandelion has said that I am not a prisoner here. If she was speaking the truth, then I would like to leave now."

"You are free to do so," Captain Reed confirmed. "But I would like you to know that BreharWallHan has initiated an extradiction order against the terrorist who had been hounding them. While the refugees who were in your care are, well, refugees, Preservation Station has informed me that they have less recourse on your behalf. They can stall for now, as you are not on board, but they have asked me to relay that it will be more difficult for them if you make yourself known on the station."

"Requesting a moment to consider."

"Please do."

Three involved polities at least. BreharWallHan is the simplest. They don't care about the loss of labor; it is minimal. They do care about making an example of this Friend. Consistent with prior analysis of threat scenarios, Preservation Station is stalling them on principle. But Trellin. An unknown polity, apparently aligned with Preservation. Tenously enough that they resorted to force when the time frame was too short for negotiations; firmly enough that they were working in lockstep against BreharWallHan.

"Would it be correct to say that you are offering asylum?"

"I don't know," Captain Reed said with an indifferent shrug. "Am I offering asylum to someone that is doing their level best to avoid all of my questions?"

This Friend reached for certain corners of its memory. To its relief, it found them purged as per the imminent death protocol. There was only so much it could give away even in the worst of cases.

It dropped the mask.

"Very well, Captain Reed. This Friend apologizes for the deception. Its only explanation is that it normally operates from deeply hostile territory, where secrecy is paramount."

"That had been Dandelion's hypothesis," Captain Reed said, nodding. "And the main reason I did not throw you off the ship the moment you started being evasive about everything. But we needed to be certain."

"This Friend needs to know: how many people in this situation are aware of what the Public Universal Friends are? And how big are the chances that the knowledge will spread?"

"As of right now, the list consists of my senior staff, Preservation leadership, the Preservation senior security officer and the external security consultant that had been accompanying Dandelion, and the two doctors involved from the Preservation side. During the initial negotiations, Dandelion got Preservation leaders to classify information about the Friends as need-to-know, but I am not privy to the details of what 'need-to-know' entails on Preservation."

Worse than it should have been, unreasonably better than it could have been.

"This Friend also does not understand one thing."

"Then you understand more than this captain… Sorry. Go on."

"Your medical officer valued one person's life over an entire sector's. The medical ethics here are already questionable, but if she knows what a Friend is, it becomes unconscionable. This Friend cannot make sense of it. Perhaps you can, Captain Reed."

Captain Reed mulled it over for a moment, then admitted: "I do have the facts, but I do not have the understanding. So, fucked up as this entire situation is, I will give her a chance to explain. If she does not within the next cycle, I will tell you what I can."

"This Friend thanks you."

"Thank me when the storm is over."

[totallyjustabunchofhocuspocus]

I know "fuck canon" is always an option and generally the more sensible thing to do, but with last night's episode I had two smidgens of HOPE and now with Tim's apparent new interview I just want to crawl back into my cave again 🫥

Hi nonnie!

TLDR (cause I'm having THOUGHTS): I don't think anything is off the table, if I had to bet money I'd lay somewhat decent odds that Buck and Tommy get back together, and I don't think either side of the ship war has anything in particular that indicates victory.

I'll preface this by saying yes, 'fuck canon'is usually the more sensible option. 'Fuck canon' is where no one ever dies, people do not make stupid decisions, and couples never break up.

And I'll also preface this by saying that Buck is my favorite character (honestly one of my favorite characters of all time, not just this show) and my ultimate OTP is Buck/Happiness in this show, however he gets it and whoever gives it to him. I am quite happy being a multishipper and I started out in fandom spaces back in the mid-nineties, where the etiquette and relationship to the content were vastly, vastly different than today and that really colors the lense I view fandom through. In the ship war, I'm mostly Switzerland.

Still with me? Okay.

My main source of optimism re: Buck/Tommy is the simple fact that guys...911 is Not That Deep. It's a fun show (usually), predicated on ridiculous Situations (increasingly), and in movie terms is a cash-grab popcorn flick. Have they hit something with the characters and actors that often elevates it above its station? Absolutely. Are there parts that make you go, "whoa, this came from the shark on a highway weewoo show?" Of course! But 911 isn't fucking Inception. There's no hidden messages and jaw-dropping plot twists that No One Saw Coming.

Like...all the cries about "learn some media literacy you cretins!" really have me scratching my head because, uh, taking everything solely at face value--this absolutely is the Third Act Miscommunication in the relationship. Both parties expressed a desire for the relationship to be more. They broke up on the tried and true "I'm doing this for both our sakes'even though it hurts" and not a dealbreaker schism which they ABSOLUTELY could have done. Literally, one scene of "wow I can't wait to be a dad/oh, uh that's not something I want" and we have a reason to break up that has the exact same "no villains just circumstance" vibe.

On the other hand, it absolutely is a stopping point that is believably permanent.

They went out of their way to show how desperately much Buck wants to talk to Tommy (like we turned it into a meme, but they didn't really have to show him baking That Much) and how he's spiraling in a way we haven't really seen since Abby. In a Hallmark romcom this would be where the audience is reassured that our plucky protagonist has Real Feelings for the LI.

On the other hand, the show often uses Buck as comic relief and the keep away with the phone could absolutely be the indicator that this breakup isn't as serious as Buck thinks it is and he should move on.

The interviews are pretty disheartening, but the interviews for this show really honestly have always had a kind of weird monkey's paw quality to them. Like, they don't lie exactly, but there's a lot of misdirect.

As it stands now, the relationship 100% reads like a Hallmark romcom that is being written by people who Had a Gay Friend In College Guys, So of COURSE We Know What We're Doing...wait why are you discoursing?

On the other hand, as it stands now, it also wouldn't be surprising if this was the end. I honestly don't think they have 100% decided how it's going to go and the writing and especially the pacing this season has been so uneven that it's not hiding the flaws in the storytelling as well as it usually does.

But, if canon goes in a direction I don't like, I have no problem saying 'fuck canon' ;)

[fenharelsfang]

"I don't think I'm ready for this."

The Winter Palace loomed over the Inquisition agents as they stepped through the wrought-iron gate into the front gardens, a colossal silhouette against the twilit sky, crowned in gold and glittering with the setting sun. The soft yellow light of ornate lamp posts dotted the landscape like stars in the night. Violets and lilies adorned bushes in marble planters, their sweet fragrance permeating the air. A large fountain sat in an alcove at the back of the gardens, two sets of stairs curving up to the entrance of the palace proper. Cool, crystal clear water flowed gently over a circle of golden winged lions.

"It's too late to back out now, Inquisitor,” said Josephine, ambassador of the Inquisition. She wore an off-shoulder golden bouffant dress accentuated with embroidered flowers and vines. Her raven-colored hair, usually kept in a low-hanging bun, was now free and draped over one shoulder. She wore a delicate golden amulet adorned with a ruby in its center. Gold eyeliner complimented her hazel eyes.

“Do stop slouching, please,” she continued as she scrutinized the Inquisitor’s appearance. “How you present yourself is a matter of life and death when it comes to the Game. It is no simple matter of etiquette and protocol. Every word, every gesture is measured and evaluated for weakness. Even more so when we approach the court. The Inquisition must not show weakness or they will eat us alive."

Ellana Lavellan, the Inquisitor currently being berated by her diplomatic advisor for her posture, straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. None of what Josephine said made her feel any better about the situation, though.

"Correction: I know I am not ready for this."

Ellana was Dalish! They didn't go to fancy balls or dress in the latest human fashion. She didn't even own a dress! What she wore now was entirely too thin and fragile to survive a day in the forest. However, Josephine insisted she look the part of a proper Lady. Elves had an ethereal beauty to them and it needed to be flaunted if they were to impress Empress Celene. Ellana felt that would be easy, considering Celene used to have an elven lover, but Josephine's fretting over the downfall of the Inquisition's reputation would not abate.

Now, Ellana stood before her fellow agents in a white silk gown, cinched at the waist by a golden brooch with the Inquisition symbol etched into it. The gown had a plunging neckline, framed by a high collar that was tied with golden string at the collarbone. It was simple, but the added golden embellishments gave it an air of elegance that was hard to deny. With her light blonde hair woven into an intricate updo and accentuated by a golden winged circlet, she was the epitome of what the Herald of Andraste should look like.

... Aside from the pointed ears and the face tattoos honoring a goddess who was not the Maker.

As they were actually here in the Winter Palace to prevent an assassination, Ellana had alterations made to the dress. The skirt could be peeled off, revealing leggings underneath that would allow her to move without exhibiting her undergarments for all to see. The skirt was also long enough that it hid her feet. They sported bottomless sandals rather than the jeweled slippers that Josephine wanted her to wear. Ellana needed to feel the ground underneath her feet. Elemental magic was her specialty and shoes got in the way of channeling the energy of the earth.

"Smile, Inquisitor. Eyes are upon us," Leliana encouraged. Her smile, relaxed and confident, was entirely uncharacteristic of the usually cold and deadly demeanor of the spymaster. She almost looked at home among the elite of Orlais and Ellana had to remind herself that this was all a façade.

The Inquisitor flashed a smile at passing nobles that didn’t quite reach her emerald eyes due to her growing anxiety. Leliana’s own smile faltered and she silently shook her head to get Ellana to stop.

"Honestly, you aren't doing yourself any favors with the company you've decided to bring with you," Josephine muttered under her breath, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the Inquisitor’s struggle. The Antivan glanced behind them to take in their entourage. Everyone was dressed in fine red velvet suits trimmed in gold with blue sashes extending across their chests and wrapping around their waists. At least they were uniform in that regard.

Ellana tilted her head at the ambassador. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, an apostate elf? A Qunari spy? A spirit boy? Dorian at least has some exposure to the nobility, but he's from Tevinter!"

"I am technically an apostate elf, too, mind you," Ellana shot back defensively, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Solas has given me good counsel since the beginning of this whole ordeal." The slight curving of Leliana's lips did not go unnoticed by her and she quickly continued. "They won't even remember seeing Cole and Iron Bull knows how to behave in court. He wouldn't be a Ben-Hassrath if he couldn't blend into his surroundings."

Josephine sighed. "I suppose, but Madame Vivienne, Varric, Blackwall, or even Cassandra would have been a better choice."

It was an unspoken agreement that bringing Sera would be a catastrophe.

"As you said yourself: it's too late to back out now. Let's just get this over with."

She took one step before spotting Duke Gaspard weaving his way through the crowd of nobles in the garden. He wore a suit of teal silk brocade, adorned with silverite pauldrons. A red sash was draped over his broad chest. His face, as was Orlesian custom, was hidden behind a golden half-mask. Ellana could barely see his eyes through the slits and it unnerved her greatly. You could gauge an individual's intentions through their eyes, creature or human. Did he have something to hide?

"It is a great pleasure to meet you, Inquisitor Lavellan," he greeted in a thick Orlesian accent. He took her hand and kissed the back of it, the stubble of his beard leaving red scratch marks on her skin. She resisted the urge to wince.

"Bringing the rebel mages into the ranks of your army was a brilliant move," he continued and leaned in with a conspiratorial smile. "Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais!"

Ah, so he was fishing for support. He figured he had an edge on the competition since she accepted his invitation to the masquerade. Arrogant man.

"Oh?" she asked and put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Which one was the rightful one, again? I keep getting them confused."

Gaspard let out a genuine laugh, the sound emanating from deep within his chest. "Why, the handsome, charming one of course, my lady!"

She could feel his eyes graze over her body appraisingly, lingering for no small amount of time on her chest, and it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. The dress was definitely a mistake. Behind her, the air cooled considerably and Solas cleared his throat. The agonizingly long moment ended and Gaspard extended an arm for her to take.

"My lady, are you prepared to shock the court by walking into the Grand Ball with a hateful usurper?" He grinned devilishly down at her.

She, playing the part of charming guest, smiled up at him, all teeth and dimpled cheeks. "I can't imagine that crowd has seen anything better than us in their entire lives," she joked. Gaspard laughed and placed a hand over the one holding his arm. He pierced her with his gaze through those slitted eyes.

"You are a woman after my own heart," he replied, voice husky. Oh no, she was making this worse. The hand resting over her own was pressed up against her breast, a rather sly way to grope her. The Game was not something she was adept at. Was this even part of the Game? All she knew was that she couldn't part from him soon enough.

They ascended the stairs towards the entrance of the Winter Palace and, along the way, the whispers of the nobles did not go unnoticed.

"Is that the Inquisitor?"

"An elven savage? Maker forbid!"

"Andraste would never choose a knife-ear as her herald."

"Is this Gaspard's idea of a joke?"

"Perhaps she's his whore. She certainly dresses like one."

"Those marks on her face are hideous."

Each comment was a dagger to her pride. Her cheeks burned with shame. They had a point: why would Andraste choose an elf to save Thedas? Ellana didn't even believe in the Maker. Their opinions shouldn't have mattered, but they did. It wasn't just because they were directed at her. She was the face of the Inquisition and a negative opinion of her would reflect poorly on her people. They deserved better than that.

The walk to the front entrance stretched on for an eternity. Ellana did her best to keep her composure and block out the horrible remarks, with little success. She was vaguely aware of Gaspard speaking to her about his concerns for the night, namely that Briala, the elven ambassador, was up to something with her legion of servants. Ellana’s jaw tightened.

"Tell me there's more to your suspicion than 'the elves were acting dodgy'," she interrupted, her tone taking on a sharp edge. Gaspard was taken aback by her sudden change in mood. Of course he didn't notice what was being said about her. Or he did, but didn't care. Elves meant less than nothing to humans.

"Briala used to be a servant of Celene's," Gaspard argued. "That is, until my cousin had her arrested for crimes against the empire to cover up a political mistake. If anyone in this room wishes Celene harm, Inquisitor, it's that elf. She certainly has reason."

Right, the assassination attempt. That's what really mattered. Why should she care what those idiot nobles thought of her when the fate of the world was at stake? And yet it gnawed away at her from the inside all the same. Perhaps she was afraid those remarks were mere echoes of her own thoughts.

"I'll look into it," she said, deflated.

Gaspard sighed. "Be as discreet as possible," he warned. "I detest the Game, but if we do not play it well, our enemies will make us look like villains."

He relinquished her arm when they entered the vestibule and left to mingle with a few of the guests. Ellana breathed a sigh of relief and turned to face her entourage.

"When you meet the empress, the eyes of the entire court will be upon you," Josephine reminded her. She smoothed out a crinkle in Ellana's dress and adjusted her collar. "You were safer staring down Corypheus, I'm afraid. The Game is like Wicked Grace played to the death. You must never reveal your cards."

A wave of nausea swept over Ellana. Her heart pounded against her ribcage like a war drum. Outside, she had fresh air, but in the palace the walls seemed to press in, threatening to crush her. Through it all, the disparaging remarks of the nobles were building to a crescendo in her mind, drowning out all other noise.

"You're just full of joy and light this evening," she managed to croak out when Josephine continued to stare at her. It was supposed to be a light-hearted jest but lacked the substance.

"Everything will be fine," Josephine said, to herself more than anyone else. "Andraste watch over us all."

The group broke apart then, Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana ascending another set of stairs to scope out the perimeter before the festivities started.

"I’m headed to the buffet,” said Bull as he patted his growling stomach. "I'm starving."

"Vishante kaffas, don't just shovel it in your mouth like a savage, you oaf," Dorian grumbled. He followed after the Qunari to try to prevent a disaster.

Cole had already vanished.

The anticipation of the night's events threatened to overwhelm Ellana and she tried to quickly and gracefully descend another set of stairs that led into a storage room. She just needed a moment to collect herself, a place to catch her breath. There was a mirror in the storage room with a great golden frame, a lion head jutting out on either side of the arch. She caught her reflection in it as she paced the small space and stopped. Her hands went to her knife-shaped ears, traced the hideous marks on her forehead and cheeks, the Dalish version of a mask. The sudden hatred that consumed her spilled over and she tossed the feathered circlet off of her head, yanking her hair out of the updo that took Josephine hours to do. She tried to style her hair so it would hide her ears. On a table next to the mirror sat a few discarded masks. She picked one up and placed it over her face to hide her vallaslin.

There, now she looked more human. Acceptable ... right? So why did her stomach continue to churn? Why were hot, angry tears threatening to spill over?

"What are you doing?"

Ellana gasped and spun around. She was so caught up in her emotional turmoil that she didn't hear the door open or even see the elf behind her in the mirror.

"Solas! I was just--"

His brows knitted in concern as he took in her wild hair and covered face. 'I'm fine,' was her instinctual response, but it never reached her lips. It was impossible to lie to him. He was wise beyond his years and though they had only known each other a short amount of time, she felt he knew, intimately, the depths of her heart.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted in a whisper, her bottom lip trembling as the tears finally slipped down her cheeks. "This isn't --- Did you hear the things they said? I don't belong here."

He slowly approached her until they were mere inches apart. There was fire in his eyes, a righteous fury. For her? Or maybe he thought her foolish. His fingertips slipped under the edge of the mask, grazing her wet cheeks before gently removing the mask from her face. He tossed it aside, never taking his eyes off of her. Mesmerized, she couldn't look away.

"They are not worth your tears."

His hands cupped her face, wiping her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. Her breath hitched in her throat. His hands were rough, calloused, but the gesture was tender. He cradled her face like he was holding the world in his hands, his gaze so intense it was as if nothing else existed in that moment but them. The echoes of the nobles' words faded away as she hung onto every one of his.

"I'm the Inquisitor," she protested. "I'm supposed to represent the Inquisition. This meeting hinges on what the court makes of me and they just see me as an elven savage--! If I were human--"

"You are Elvhen," Solas declared, cutting off her downward spiral. "Our people built an empire that spanned all of Thedas. We created wonders the likes of which no other race has ever accomplished and never will."

This was the first time he had ever referred to her as one of his people. When they first met, he showed such scorn for the Dalish and didn't associate himself with city elves. He stood apart and above everyone else. His name meant 'pride' in the elven language, but she only ever saw him as ... lonely. Now he was including her in his world, the world of the true elves. Who knew whether he was right, but the meaning itself meant everything to her.

"Beyond that," he continued as he circled around behind her, "you are the Inquisitor." His fingers brushed against the nape of her neck as he started to gather her hair into his hands, handling it like it was made of the finest silk. "You command an army that makes nations tremble.” Her scalp tingled as he continued to brush his fingers through her hair. “Ferelden, Orlais, the Free Marches, they hang on to your every word and beg for the salvation that only you can deliver. You stand defiant against a would-be god and his archdemon. Be proud of who and what you are."

He leaned in close to her, lips a hair's breadth from her ear. "And you are the most beautiful woman in this entire palace," he murmured. Goosebumps erupted down her arms and the back of her neck, making her shiver, but unlike with Gaspard it was thrilling, not revolting. Desire sparked in her core and she fought back the urge to spin around and crush her lips against his. He was tying her hair up into a bun, not the complicated braided crown that Josephine had created, but loose and elegant, leaving her ears visible for all to see.

"These nobles fear the power you wield. Your beauty is a height they can never hope to reach. Envious, they must try to tear you down instead. Do not let them."

The bun was finished and he stepped back around to her front, his hands planting firmly on her hips. His words stole the breath from her lungs and set her heart fluttering. No one had ever spoken of her that way before. Not her clan, not her friends, not even her former lover. The words rolled off of his tongue so easily like they were waiting to be said.

"Sweet talker," she managed in a breathless whisper.

There was a spark of amusement in his eyes, though it was quickly covered by a solid determination. "I speak the truth," he said and she believed him. Even if it wasn't objectively true, it was to him and needed to be said.

Fear creeped into her voice as the weight of the words made her falter. He held her in such high regard. Maybe too high. "What if I fail?" she asked.

"You won't."

A nervous laugh bubbled out of her. "You have such confidence in me."

"It is well-deserved."

Ellana swallowed, all too aware of the warmth of his hands through the fabric of her dress. She tilted her head back to get a better look at him and tried to take a step closer, but he held her in place. There was a storm churning in his steel blue eyes, a flurry of emotions warring inside of him. Excitement. Adoration. Desire. Then regret, resignation. Behind it all, a sorrow so deep and endless she felt she might drown in it. He was always restraining himself. In the Fade, on the balcony of her room, his heart and mind were at odds with each other. There was an obvious attraction between them. He had already kissed her twice before, but still something kept holding him back. The chains of a past she knew nothing about. He spoke of his journeys through the Fade, but never of himself. All of those pretty words and no follow-up.

"You're always so detached and self-controlled, Solas,” she observed. Her hands rested atop his and felt them tremble as she gently pried them away. "But you don't need to be ... not with me."

Fingers danced along the velvet fabric of his suit before resting against his chest. She could feel his erratic heartbeat through his jacket and knew then that her words were true. So she did have the same effect on him that he had on her. A hesitant step forward closed the distance between them further.

"This is dangerous," he breathed, eyelids drooping. His resolve was faltering.

"I like danger." She gripped the lapels of his jacket and pulled him closer. They were mere inches away from each other now.

"Ellana," he warned and a thrill pulsed through her at the sound of her name on his lips.

"What are you so afraid of?"

He struggled to find the words, eyes glossed over as if trapped in a memory. She watched him for a moment, noting the light dusk of freckles across his cheeks and nose, the scar above his brow, the curve of his jaw, the fullness of his lips. It was as if the gods themselves sculpted him. He was beautiful.

She rested a hand against his cheek to pull him back to the present. "Solas?"

"... I don't want to lose you," he finally admitted, leaning into her touch. His fingers curled around hers and her heart ached. There were such thick walls around his heart and though she chipped away at it, she still hadn't completely broken through. Solas was always looking miles ahead of everyone else or behind in his past, but never in the moment.

Her smile was kind, patient. "You still have me," she assured him and traced the line of his jaw down to his chin. "I don't know what the future holds for us. I don't know if we'll defeat Corypheus or what will happen to the Inquisition. I don't know if you and I will stay together or drift apart, but fear of the future shouldn't stop us from enjoying the present. What I do know is that you make me feel ... important. Like I matter beyond my titles. Me, Ellana. Not the Inquisitor, not the Herald of Andraste, not the Keeper's First. Just ... me. You look at me like I'm the only thing that matters .. like the world could crumble all around us and you wouldn't even notice." She glanced down, her cheeks tinged red. "Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I want to be the only one you look at that way."

She felt him take her chin and tip it up, his gaze a smoldering flame that slowly drifted down to settle on her mouth.

"You are."

Their lips met and everything he had held back from her flooded into that kiss. His adoration and desire burned against her like a wildfire. She grew lightheaded from the force of it, but craved the taste of him as a Templar coveted lyrium. They parted for a brief moment to catch their breath and his hands found her waist again, though this time it was to pull her against him. Her dress, so flimsy before, was now far too thick. She wound her arms around his neck, her tongue flicking against his lips. That elicited a groan deep in his chest that rumbled against her own. He was unraveling before her and it exhilarated her. The kiss broke again only for her to pepper more across his jaw and down his throat.

"Ellana," he groaned. It spurred her to start hastily undoing the buttons of his jacket, but he brought her face back up to capture her lips again. The kiss deepened and she felt his tongue in her mouth, gliding along her own. He gripped the backs of her thighs and lifted her up onto his waist, her back hitting the wall. She braced herself against it and wrapped her legs around him for support. His hands slid up underneath her dress and caressed her thighs and she moaned. Her leggings were still in the way, but his fingertips teased along the waistline. That flame he sparked inside of her became an all-consuming fire.

"Solas," she whimpered as kisses traced her collarbone. Her fingers tried to find the buttons of his jacket again, but now his lips were at her breasts. She had awakened a wolf in him that lay dormant for far too long and it was ravenous for the taste of her flesh. He was struggling to bring himself back under control, but she didn't want him to. He brought his lips back to her jawline, his cheek brushing against hers.

"Ar lath, ma vhenan," he breathed and time stopped. She went rigid in his grip and he stared up at her as if surprised the words had spilled from his mouth. They stared at each other, fighting for breath and trying to make sense of the words through their delirium. He slowly lowered her back to the ground, though his arms stayed wrapped around her. She, too, refused to let go of him.

"...You do?" she asked. Her arousal, though definitely still there, was melting into something else.

His eyes searched hers, trying to discern how she felt about the words, but then he set his jaw, resolute. "I do."

The confession hung between them for an agonizing moment and he swallowed, his throat bobbing in anticipation of her reaction. A wide grin spread across her flushed face. There was attraction between them, yes, but she never expected that it went deeper than that for him ... that he loved her, that he would admit it first. She had been in love with him from the moment they met, when he first grabbed her hand and showed her the power that she wielded. He always seemed so lonely and sad, but he would positively light up when speaking about the Fade. She lived for those stories. His smile, as rare and fleeting as it was, could brighten her whole day. When he laughed? Indescribable. She only heard it once and it became her personal mission to hear it again. But her fears mirrored his: she didn't want to lose him either, so she never built up the courage to tell him how she felt. Now he admitted it himself. Her hands cupped his face and she kissed him tenderly.

"Ar lath, ma vhenan," she declared in return.

He flashed her a crooked grin before pulling her back against him, intending to finish what they started.

Until the door to the storage room creaked open.

"There you are, Inquisitor," Josephine announced with no small degree of relief. "We've been looking ev- Oh." The scene before her finally registered and she blushed, averting her eyes respectfully. "Oh, do forgive me." she apologized, "I seem to have opened the wrong door."

"Josephine!” Ellana called out in surprise. Her face turned the shade of spindleweed and she let go of Solas, smoothing out her dress. “It’s fine, we were just–”

Solas glanced over his shoulder at the ambassador before calmly picking Ellana’s circlet off of the floor and placing it back on her head. How could he be so poised?! She was mortified, but he had an air of smugness about him, as if being caught making out with the Inquisitor in a closet was the most natural thing in the world.

“Yes, well, the court is ready to receive us,” Josephine said, her gaze still averted. “I will meet you upstairs.” With that, she slipped back out of the door.

Ellana released a breath she didn’t know she was holding and adjusted the brooch and her hair. “Right, well, I guess it’s time to meet the empress.”

“Remember my words,” Solas told her as he straightened his own jacket.

“How could I forget them?” She buttoned up his jacket and fixed the sash, aware that he was gazing at her fondly. “Save me a dance?”

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “Perhaps, as soon as our present business is concluded.”

“I'll hold you to that.” She grinned and headed out of the storage room to meet up with Josephine.

Thankfully, it seemed the nobles were so caught up in their own affairs that they didn't seem to pay her much mind. A few cursive glances her way and more whispering, but she found herself less bothered by them than before.

“Be proud of who you are.”

She lifted her head to stare down her nose at them and confidently strode upstairs and into the ballroom.

[odyssean-flower]

My Yandere Neuvillette and Wriothesley characterizations

I feel like I'm mixing up these two's characterizations in my head so I'll write them down here as reference. These will probably change as we learn more about them.

Please feel free to submit any suggestions!

Neuvillette

He gives off a very paternalistic feeling--he's Father

Authoritative, comes off as condescending and judgy even when he isn't trying to be

Can read you like a book

Big fan of procedures and rules

Doesn't show much emotion on his face, but as you spend more time with him you can see the subtle shifts in his expressions

Super emotionally repressed (turbo virgin)...until he met you

Honestly I think he would be pretty relaxed and chill even as a yandere, not because he values your personal freedom or anything, it's because he knows full well that you'll never get away from him

I think he'd be a bit less relaxed and chill before you become his darling, because there's still a small chance you can get away from him (bonus points if you reject him. Then you will really see him slightly less chill)

Will probably try to court his darling first before trying more underhanded means

Generally acts like a gentleman even as he is keeping you imprisoned against your will

Not the type to get super angry, just disappointed. If you push him too far, though...

He has a lot of patience for your "shortcomings" because fundamentally he sees you as someone who needs to be "educated" and "disciplined"

I think that for him, you're the first person he feels something for, and that simultaneously bothers him and intrigues him--Him? Feeling things for a human??? Huh????

I think even if you get into a relationship with him willingly, he'll still eventually confine you in his house anyways. That's probably where you'll spend most of your time, but he'll take you out to the theater or something from time to time (even all powerful chief justices like to flaunt their darlings sometimes)

Doesn't really dote on you heavily, but he's pretty soft when it's just the two of you. Likes to kiss the top of your head and wrap his arms around you. Would really love it if he

But he also has high expectations for you. He'll make you read and memorize Fontaine's literature and laws, drill you on etiquette, train you on how to speak and act with him. It's not so much he thinks you're uncultured, he just thinks that everyone should be cultured, especially you

Won't use his cane to hit you (unless you really push him too far). Mostly uses it to correct your posture, tilt your head up, etc. (Spankings are a different story however)

If you're a shy and demure person, he will probably be very warm, protective and patient with you. Probably wouldn't even seem like a yandere at all if not for the controlling behavior. (Is this a daddy kink)

If you're more feisty and argumentative, he...will probably kinda enjoy that? On one hand you remind him of a certain archon he has to put up with, which annoys him because he sees you as a sort of refuge away from that, but on the other hand it further stimulates his desire to control everything about you, to tame you, basically. So I think he'll probably treat you more roughly

Wriothesley

Ok this one is harder especially because I really don't know what to make of him after reading his drip marketing description. So I will just write about how he is in my fic A Choice Forged in Blood

So Wriothesley is a lot like Neuvillette in that he's pretty stoic, but the difference is that Neuvillette is like that all the time, while Wriothesley is mainly like that because of his job/reputation. He is much more open with the people who know him well

I headcanon Wriothesley to be more "romantic" than Neuvillette

He knows how intimidating he is, isn't that bothered by it most of the time, but does sigh about it sometimes when he's just out and about and everyone gives him a wide distance

But when he meets you...ooh boy

Depending on whether you treat him normally or are scared of him like everyone else, he will approach you differently

If you treat him normally: *brain short circuits* he doesn't know how to react to that. He wants to approach you but doesn't know how without the fear of scaring you away. Ironically treating him normally only flusters him more. Will probably try to find out everything about you, and try to be around you as much as he can, blushes an awful lot when you're around

If you're scared of him: yeah he expected that and he's sad. Will keep a distance from you, still tries to find out everything about you in order to figure out how to appeal to you, gets really jealous when you smile around anyone other than him, kabedon maybe idk

Will try his best to hold back his growing feelings because of his innate morals, but it gets harder each day. He can't stop thinking about you

When he snaps eventually, oh boy (see: poor y/n from my fic)

Will just take you by force, will feel bad about starting off your "relationship" too forcefully but does NOT regret doing it in the first place

Tries his best to be gentle, likes to sit you on his lap, cuddle with you; will melt if you initiate physical affection with him

Enjoys going out with you (if he can do so without handcuffing your wrist to his) and simply spending time with you

Will be very protective of you, will still get insecure and compare himself to others

Just wants to be loved back and live in domestic bliss with you :(

Will be sad about it but won't hesitate to tie you to his bed if you get too rebellious

[yuikomorii]

The day tumblr stans will stop being chronically online is the day I will finally like this fandom. Goofy aah people think their opinions matter?

Last year everyone adored Ayato on this platform but after a certain ahem cult ahem of people joined, I can sense they’re secretly having beef with Ayato and are sending mean anons to Ayato fans for some jealousy reason.

Granted he is not my personal best boy but he’s DiaLovers’ best boy for a fact and the hype he started getting is pretty much deserved. In a series of games that’s a bit dead, I’m glad he’s able to keep it relevant not only for the DiaLovers fans. Don’t mind delulus saying bad things about him, those only exist on this platform anyway and are just seeking for attention and approval from random strangers.

// Tbh, I’m disappointed but not surprised. Unfair and two-faced people are everywhere and if they truly spend their time in that manner, you can already see how miserable their lives must be.

I believe that the Ayato hate train began with Youngblood and picked up steam this year after the release of the Meow Meow vampire art. Many people made fun of Ayato's appearance and blamed him for FaVoRiTiSm , despite the fact that everyone in Japan adored him there. I don't know why, but the DL Tumblr fandom is completely out of touch with everything DL-related. They have no idea that Rejet simply creates Ayato content as a marketing ploy; in fact, Japanese fans are literally the ones who request it. In 2020, Ayato was stated as fans’ top choice and got invited as a co-star with a national idol at Nino-san, which was broadcasted on the second largest television corporation in Japan. If people hadn’t recommended him so much, he wouldn’t have ended up there… it’s not that hard to understand.

This has the same vibe as those kpop fans who always complain about how their ult group is underrated but don’t even stream their songs, instead they spend their time criticizing bigger groups for what??

I’m not forcing anyone to love Ayato but at least give me good reasons to dislike him. I understand not liking ALL Diaboys but isn’t it hilarious how some people would give you a litany of reasons why they can't stand Ayato, but when you look at their bias, he did the same (or worse) things as (than) Ayato? If you truly dislike those actions, at least pick a side, lol. I honestly don’t hate any Diaboy (though I don’t agree with their behavior all the time) but even if I did, I wouldn’t throw shade at that one character out of the blue only to piss of his stans.

And I swear, it's incredibly annoying how some people would tear Ayato down when asked about their favorite character/ship/route, etc., even though he has absolutely NOTHING to do with the question or he isn’t even the main topic of the question. Saying things like, "Yeah, I like this character because, unlike Ayato (just an example hehe)—" or "No hate towards Ayato but — *proceeds to mischaracterize and hate on him*" are examples of uncalled hate speech. Literally why use HIM most of the time as an example when talking about negative things?? At this point that’s not even a coincidence anymore, but a pattern, which is truly giving fan behavior.

Such people are really the worst. Reminds me of how some fans still think it’s okay commenting stuff like “This is great but I don’t like *inserts thing the OP obviously likes*” or “Not trying to be mean but *starts being mean*”. Respectfully, who even asked for your opinion? Mind your own business and learn basic etiquette.

[electricea]

@inmiasma sent - 14. What is the most annoying fact or trait or fanon that is attached to your muse and bothers you? ( More Munday Questions - Accepting! )

14. What is the most annoying fact or trait or fanon that is attached to your muse and bothers you?

His loud mouth - because in the early days of this blog, it was exaggerated to the point where it was used as a cheap and easy excuse for people to godmod - for them to be able to give their characters information that they shouldn't under any circumstances have - that Ryuji is a Phantom Thief.

The number of times early on when I would like someone's starter call only to get a starter of their muse supposedly having overheard him admitting to being a Phantom Thief or deciding to outright confront him - again because they supposedly overheard this from him - was excessive and genuinely disheartening and it didn't stop until I put my foot down and had to make a post about how much I didn't like it.

While I do think his loud mouth can be very much overexaggerated by the fandom, I mostly hated it because people would use this one moment or this one trait so overblown by the fandom and use it as an excuse to godmod, to take away my agency as a writer and as a mun and essentially give their characters free information they should under no circumstances have.

And if I sound harsh on these people, it what it is - the number of times this happened early on was excessive and ridiculous, the same exact formula as what I laid out above, people just doing this without talking to or consulting me first. Whether they meant to or not, they godmodded and took away my agency as a writer and a mun and honestly left me in a really crappy situation - if the shoe were on the other foot, it wouldn't be anymore acceptable if I was the one giving Ryuji information he shouldn't have or confronting muses about things he shouldn't know about - it's not acceptable period.

Ryuji is my loudmouth boy and I love him but don't use his big mouth as an excuse to fucking godmod - that's Roleplay Etiquette 101.

[elfhunk]

it's so funny that this stupid tumblr blog is paying a key role in the re-socialization of my fucked up brain.

below the cut because it's a sentimentally hopeful bummer but still indeed a bummer about some mental health brain stuff.

like. most of you do not actually... know me? i am making no effort to separate this blog from my actual identity.

but you do not have the context of me working my ass off for four years in art school, hitting an art block so severe that it sent me into a tail dive so severe i did not draw for several years, to my life being blown up and pieced back together at least three times now. it was a perpetual cycle of adrenaline fueled sprinting and cataclysmic disaster that i intentionally hid from everyone until it was too late.

like. i literally don't know how to draw anymore. not consistently, anyway. people joke about not using their degrees but i have taken it to an unexpected extreme. my friends have honestly (very nicely) begun teasing me whenever i say that i am bad at drawing because of how patently untrue it is.

anyway, if any of you have been wondering why i'm so delightful?

it's because something is deeply wrong with me, in a way that i am only starting to understand recently.

i now know that i am (probably, adult diagnosis is complicated!) autistic, i know that i have ADHD, and i know that i have experienced certifiably CPTSD level trauma. my therapist even confirmed for me that these things in combination do in fact result in me meeting diagnostic criteria for BPD, which is fun. did you know that entire diagnosis is under contention? it's a whole thing!

anyway, i learned that there was something deeply fundamentally destructive about the ways i was using tools like twitter or tumblr.

when i was using social media ages... what, 13-25? i was effectively a roiling ball of overstimulated receptors seeking to be everything to everyone in the desperate attempt to have my existence acknowledged. i saw that art that i made for myself didn't get me attention, so i stopped making it. i became a terrifyingly self-critical ball of nastiness that saw no point in doing anything unless it was perfect.

i saw no point in existing unless i was perfect. when i stopped making art, it began to bleed into the rest of my existence. my job performance had to be perfect. my etiquette and attitude had to be perfect. my body had to be perfect. my skin had to be perfect. my hair had to be perfect. if a flaw was identified, it was buried immediately.

this whole "delightful prince charming" shtick i've ended up adopting just sort of gradually became the safest way i knew how to navigate the world. it was a character i got extremely good at playing. it was turning into a perfectly lovely way of living life exclusively in service to other people. everyone thought it was so admirable and good of me. but then the gnawing evidence of my flaws continued to build up again. and everything blew up again.

because, dear reader? this is a terrible character to try and occupy in all waking hours of your life. the mask is going to fall eventually.

so, that brings us to this tumblr. this silly little place.

i am 28 now, and things are very different. i still have a lot of problems to figure out. i still have emotional flashbacks of varying intensity to an age where i am not even verbal and do not have words to articulate what i want or need. it's wild. i didn't even know that could happen. don't get traumatized as a baby, y'all.

but i do know what man i am trying to be. i do know that people really like that man. he's cool and interesting and sexy as fuck. i need to afford him more space to be imperfect, because i am the only one expecting perfection from him.

so that's why i am kind of digging this blog. i still get to play that character. i still get to enjoy existing in this weird way that i've carved out for myself. but i don't need to obsess over it being perfect all the time. i don't have to care what you think of me. i don't know you.

you're a goddamn stranger passing in the train station.

and i am a silly little horse doing a dance. because damn this silly little horse loves to dance. and he's doing it for himself.

[nerdragenewvegas]

I was trying to let this go but since you’re lying about what happened let’s look at the facts.

I asked you, very respectfully, on Ao3 to please reconsider tagging ships that weren’t endgame or were portrayed negatively in the main ship tags. This is standard Ao3 etiquette. You attacked me, called me names, blocked me, and were just very nasty.

I commented again on my other account to try and explain again. I was still respectful here. There was nothing rude in my message and no negative intentions. Again, you were horrible and mean in response. I hadn’t been rude, I came to you with kindness and respect and just asked you to consider something. You could have even said no in a kind way, but you didn’t. You were awful. So the third time, I have back the same energy. I messaged again on another accountand called you out for your hateful attitude. You responded by making fun of me for being autistic.

I should have let it go here and I tried, but admittedly when you fit was at the top of the tags (in the unrelated ship tag, of course) it set me off. If you weren’t gonna be nice to me, I had no obligation to be nice to you. And you had already made fun of me for being autistic, so I just let myself go into full autistic meltdown mode and let you have it. Because, frankly, fuck you. You’re not a nice person and you don’t have any empathy for others.

You of course continued to laugh at me and make fun of me for being autistic, okay whatever, it was annoying but that’s the kind of person you are. I probably did take it too far with the kys comments and death threats, I was really mad and since you were being nasty I was being nasty right back.

All of that was fine, whatever. Until you started tagging someone who had nothing to do with this situation. You harassed someone who wasn’t involved. You made fun of them for their age (misogynistic and ageist much???) and made fun of them for writing Stranger Things fic (you are also literally a fic writer, so that’s a really weird thing to mock someone else for). I explained repeatedly that that blog wasn’t mine and wasn’t related…you kept tagging them, harrassing them, and encouraging your followers to do the same.

You’ll notice I haven’t been able to message you or comment from stardancerluv…because it’s not my fucking blog and I don’t have any access to it. They used to write fics for a DC character I liked and I wanted to download their fics, it’s easier to do that from Ao3 than it is from Tumblr. They don’t have any ao3 and don’t crosspost there. So I made an Ao3 using their name, posted the fics there, and downloaded them. I did the same thing with the darlingireadit ao3, they’re darling-i-read-it on tumblr.

Then I found a bunch of other random fics I liked for the same character across different blogs, that weren’t crossposted to ao3 either, and made a third ao3 to post those. There was an RP blog that had a name I liked, so that’s how I made the masquenoire ao3. None of these Tumblrs knew I was doing this, they didn’t know me beyond me sending anons a few times. None of them are affiliated with each other either as far as I know.

It would’ve been easier to just make one ao3 and post everything, but I wanted them to look legit. If they’d already ao3 and just crossposted, I wouldn’t have to do all this. It was honestly kind of annoying to keep up with. So anyway. That’s the whole situation.

Oh my god, give it a rest. At no stage has anyone made fun of you for being autistic. You immediately used it as an excuse when you were called out for being rude and then were called out again for doing that, because doing that is wrong. That's not making fun of you, that's called being held accountable. As for empathy? You threatened to slit my throat. I know it's baseless (I don't really think you have the capacity to make the travel arrangements, honestly) but I'm not going to hold sympathy or space for someone who does that. I wasn't mocking her, either. I was pointing out that no fic writers have a right to come for each other the way you were writing for me. All the screenshots are still here. And on my twitter. Also at no point did I encourage people to harass her. You're quite literally making things up. Everyone can see the things you said. You cannot remove the context. You do not get to reframe this narrative. It's all there. It's all being discussed. Someone even did a dramatic reading. It's immortalised. You have told on yourself. Either you've been busted using alts, or you're admitting to stealing people's identities and content. Both are terrible. Both are embarrassing. Neither absolve you, I'll be contacting all of them to let them know you've said you've done this, on the off chance that these aren't a network of convenient alts you've made up that all use the same style of writing and are into the same fandoms, ships, etc as your many Ao3 accounts. You are the bad guy. You're an adult (maybe, this isn't very grown up behaviour hmmmm) and you can literally just block someone on Ao3 and never see their content again. This was you, an adult, having a literal tantrum because a ship in a fic didn't go your way (which just goes to show that you got really into it, so I'm flattered.) I really hope you can get help one day, because if this is how you're attacking a random fanfic writer on the internet, I can only imagine how you attack people who create actual canon content. You are an unsafe person. Talk to someone IRL about your feelings because you very clearly don't have a handle on your issues and it's going to hurt someone one day in a way that you won't be able to come back from. Honestly, babe, just drop it. It's not that deep. No one is taking this as seriously as you are and every time you make a new account to circumvent a block you just prove my point further. xoxoxo

[vyntilador]

Your eyes tell

What kind of flowers do the boys represent?

—————————————————————

Genre: idrk can be fluff or angst

Headcanons btw

A/N: I saw a tiktok that showed a bunch of flowers n their meanings so I went with it lol

Artem Wing —Lavender Rose

Now first of all, Lavender Roses mean love at first sight which is pretty self explanatory tbh. The moment he laid his eyes on you when you walked into the lawfirm for the first time, something in him...bloomed (heh)

Suddenly, he notices how your hair shone from underneath the hues of the sun. He notices how you often smiled brightly whilst looking at animal videos during your break, he notices how your forehead creased as you desperately concentrated on a certain case.

Whenever you were within sight, everything around you just slowly fades into white, highlighting how you looked even more.

During a very difficult case, it bothers him how often you sighed as the echoes of your keyboard filled his ears so the very next day, you walk to your desk only to find a variety of Roses with Chocolates attached to them. As you lift the Roses, you see a note fall out with "Don't overwork yourself. Take breaks every now and then. I'll be rooting for you." written within it.

Vyn Richter —Snapdragons

Snapdragons are known to mean both deception and graciousness. And honestly, I think it fits him very well like, hes a red flag but a hot one at that EHEM but his deceptions usually have a reason behind them.

More importantly if he's in love with you, he'll probably try to protect you with deception like, we all know how the royal family customs(?) in Svart are like (talking about CN server card of VynRosa visiting Svart and having to sleep in different rooms) He'll try to keep you away from his family in fear of hurting you in some way, or just overall preventing your relationship turn into one like his parents'.

Yellow Jasmines are also an option me thinksss

At this point I'm just focusing on his graceful and formal etiquette as a member of the royal family but honestly, it's his grace that makes me fall for himmmm

But if he could describe you or his feelings for you as a flower, he'd pick Cosmos. It's meaning is Order, Harmony, Beauty, Self-reliance, Resilience, Kindness and infinity.

Order and Harmony describes how you always put his mind at ease or make him drop his shoulders and relax whenever you're within the vicinity. Beauty, Self-reliance and Resilience because he likes how independent you are and how you always push to do the right thing even if it might bring misfortune to you. Kindness is pretty self explanatory whilst Infinity represents how his love for you will remain everlasting.

(go give him a peach and/or light pink rose and watch him short-circuit right in front of you lol)

Seeing how much of a flower boy he is, he's probably the type to confess to you, or ask for your hand in marriage using flowers and we👏love👏him👏for👏that👏

Luke Pearce —Forget-me-not

Honestly, does anyone even think that there'd be pure Luke fluff here LMAOO SORRY

Forget-me-nots aren't like full on sad tho,,it also symbolizes true love and respect which fits him perfectly

He's loved you since you were children and always looked up to you. He loved how you always stood up to him against the kids who'd tease him for uhhh his family reasons and he loves u sm for that ! !

Omg I'm so sorry but I thought of this rlly angsty thing while writing this but Imagine Luke... Expiring close to death and while he laid unmoving on his hospital bed, you gave him a soft peck on the lips with those fairytale books in mind. About how a true loves kiss would always wake up your beautiful prince(ooh rhymes n shi).

Or for a more softer approach, Imagine getting awakened by Luke giving you a kiss on the lips and the moment you open your eyes, you see your beloved Luke's smile as he greets you good morning</3

Go give him blue and/or purple hyacinths too. Don't ask questions, it's better to not know<3

Marius von Hagen —Daisy

For starters, it means Innocence, Loyal love, and 'I'll never tell'. The last part can be interpreted in two ways; that he'll never tell his feelings towards you or that he'll always keep your secrets.

For the first one, we saw how he hesitated momentarily if he was going to confess to us in the 1st anniversary cards. He keeps in mind his uncle's warnings of how brutal the media can be. Marius always wanted to protect you so if his presence in your life brings you harm, he'd rather stray far away from you than bring a threat to your life.

For the second one, despite his annoying attitude, he's always someone that you can lean on. Someone that you can trust or tell your deepest secrets to. He appreciates how much trust you put in him which in turn would make him even more determined to be someone you trust so much that you'll give yourself over to him and vice versa.

A/N: Ik that the other 3 look so short and I SWEAR THAT ITS NOT VYN FAVORITISM, but i was rlly sleepy ok😭😭😭

[crazyringo]

HSR Penacony 2.3 Thoughts

2.3 was great! I enjoyed every bit of it, though I'm a little sad that our adventure in Penacony is now over (or, is it?). I shall miss the planet of festivities, especially the cute little Origami Birds

Needless to say, this Stelfly/Stellaron Hunters fan is satisfied~! Omg. You guys don't know how excited I got when I saw Silver Wolf on screen (even if she did appear as a hologram), and I got even super duper excited when I saw that Silver Wolf was the one who hired Sparkle in the first place! Our little Wolfie is such a cute Tsundere 💕

Speaking of Silver Wolf, I was honestly caught off guard that she even got in contact with Sparkle, who's a Masked Fool. During the Aetherium Wars event, Silver Wolf sounded like she didn't even trust the faction whatsoever. That nothing good ever happens for trusting a Fool. And I'm only saying that cause I believe Silver Wolf's definition of entertainment will not be the same as a Masked Fools', at least that's the vibe I got when she talked about them, but I guess after chatting with Sparkle through a video game was enough to convince her that Sparkle can be trusted enough to ensure Firefly's safety (again, my opinion)

It was so heartwarming to find out how close the Stellaron Hunters are as a team. I laughed out loud when I got the Save the Cat! Achievement when I put them on a team together. At this point in the game, I'm entirely convinced that Elio is indeed the black cat

And while I am happy for what we got for 2.3, I also can't help but feel a little uneasy about it all. Not only was this update shorter than 2.0-2.2, but for me it also felt like everything went too smoothly, you know? The impression I got for the 2.3 trailer felt like everything was going to be stakes, after high stakes since we're literally at the end. And the theory I've seen about that we're still (yes, still) stuck in the dreamscape made me feel even more uneasy about everything. And while we did say our goodbyes and all, I was somewhat bothered that we didn't even get to say goodbye to Robin and Firefly. You'd think we would after everything we went through together in Penacony

Like, okay, I guess you could say that we did say goodbye to the two of them during the Bird Clash event, but you would think that maybe they could've had us say a proper goodbye with voice lines and stuff in the main story. Especially with Firefly, cause it's definitely going to be a while before we see her again. And, unfortunately, it obviously won't be in her real form since she depends on the SAM suit in reality. I guess it's too much to ask Hoyoverse to do a Stelfly tender hug goodbye. Just saying. Don't know about y'all, but Firefly needs a hug. Robin too, especially after everything she's been through

Anyways~ Back on on track. I guess that the other thing that bothered me a little was the meeting between Mr. Oti and the IPC. Now, let me be clear, I AM NOT a business woman and I don't really understand anything concerning proper business etiquette. Even so, I will try my best to get this thought written out as best as I can

Mr. Oti, Jade and Topaz sit down, they exchange pleasantries and relatively discuss the future of Penacony. Jade, of course, mentions about Aventurine's mistreatment during his stay in Penacony (I knew it, I knew she was going to do that) to get a word in edge wise. Oti was pretty much dismissive about it, especially since he didn't deal with Aventurine personally and mentions that Sunday was just a fool for what he has done. How dare. And then he began to tell them about his future plan for Penacony. Jade, surprisingly, goes quiet (her small smile was even gone) and suddenly decided to have an intermission so she and Topaz step out

Here's where the "fun" starts ("fun", as in, I am still trying to figure out what the heck Jade and Robin talked about! And this bothered me even more during the Bird Clash Event)

Some theories think that Robin sacrificed her memories concerning Sunday. Which, okay, it makes sense considering that Robin does consider Sunday to be her precious older brother and memories involving him would be considered precious enough for Jade to claim in a contract. And since we already saw firsthand how Jade's contracts work... That would suck for our chicken wing siblings. - while this could indeed be possible, I really hope that did not happen

Another take I saw is that Robin purposely distanced herself from everyone in exchange for Sunday's freedom, which would explain why she decides to leave Penacony and just travel for a while. On one part, I don't blame the poor girl cause she really needs to take a step back and just focus on herself for a little while. On the other... I also hope that is not the case cause this is just sad 😭 

Now, my opinion starts: I believe that when Jade and Topaz had stepped out from the meeting to discuss a plan B for their approach that it was all just a simple exchange for information. While Topaz went to find Himeko, Jade decided to find and say hello to Robin. It's pretty clear that the two of them have already met/talked. When Jade asks for Robin's opinion of Mr. Oti, Robin responds that Oti is a respected business man, but she doesn't really know him as a person. She only knows what she knows thanks to Sunday. Moreover, I believe that the main reason why Robin referred to Sunday as the previous Oak Family head during this scene is because she's in public. Remember: Sunday is now arrested, Sunday's name is pretty much taboo within the Family. I would not be surprised if she's not even allowed to mention her brother's name

I'd like to believe that Robin, who's an insider of the Family, willingly gave away crucial inside information that an outsider like Jade wasn't supposed to know. Death is now a possibility in the dreamscape, which would be bad for Penacony in terms of business if people were to find out about it. And, honestly, this part made me chuckle. It's only fitting considering the Family absolutely had no problem throwing Sunday under the bus, so it's only right that Robin, his sister, would also have no problem throwing the Family under the bus too by, literally, giving them the bird (hehe)

This info was the bit that Jade needed and was looking for to have the meeting be in her/the IPC's favor. Not long after, Robin tells her to not forget what they had talked about and Jade promises that she'll keep her end of the deal. To me, this part was pretty much a "I'll scratch your back, and you'll scratch mine" type of deal. And we pretty much know how the meeting concluded after that, and old man Oti did not look happy about it since he had no choice but to yield and go with Jade's proposal. He also wasn't happy when Robin gave away the Feldspar, his own extravagant ship, to the Nameless without his say so on the matter. A pretty bold move on her part

But yeah, I'd like to believe that that was essentially their contract. Exchanging crucial info in exchange for Sunday's freedom. And if not freedom, then to maybe have Jade help out Sunday with some kind of plea deal to lighten his sentence

At this point, I don't know what to think anymore. I know that this is probably wishful thinking on my part for assuming that their deal would be that simple, but a girl can dream, right? I mean, if you think about it, I don't think Jade would've known about death being a possibility in the dreamscape otherwise if not through Robin. Aventurine doesn't count cause he pretty much stepped out story wise after being "killed" by Acheron, so he wouldn't know what happened in the Grand Theater

If not that, then my other thought was that Robin pulled A Little Mermaid. She sacrificed her singing voice, ironic considering Sunday had taken it away without her knowledge. Only difference this time is that it was her choice to do so. And it would explain why she decided to step down from the spotlight and go traveling by herself. This is only a possibility at best, but we also have to consider that she may have been lying to the trailblazer so that they wouldn't worry

And that's about it, really. Honestly, ever since I first saw Sunday and Robin on screen for the first time, they really reminded me of Lelouch and Euphemia/Nunnally from Code Geass

Lelouch for Sunday - trying to ensure a better world for everyone, namely his sister, and would pretty much stop at nothing to achieve his goal. And at this point in the story, he's definitely giving me Aventurine 2.0 vibes (as in, he's in prison and now has an opportunity to get out of his current predicament)

Admittedly, it would be interesting to see him as an IPC grunt than a Stellaron Hunter. Maybe he'll destroy the IPC from the inside through his own means, or perhaps Diamond can offer him something to fill the void as a potential member of the Ten Stonehearts. That'd be cool. And if he does join the IPC, the next time Sunday visits Penacony, the Family will literally be at his mercy for throwing him under the bus! Chicken wing boy shall have his revenge!

As a Stellaron Hunter, I don't think he'd handle taking orders from a cat well (no matter how hilarious it would seem). Not to mention, having his fate orchastrated by someone else doesn't seem like his style. Again, if Hoyoverse goes through with it, fine. I'll accept it for what it is. In the meantime, something tells me that he will take Jade's deal and work for her/the IPC, and only because Jade mentioned someone precious: Robin. If Jade hadn't mentioned her, Sunday probably would've tuned her out completely and would rather take his chances in trial

For Robin - She really reminds me of Euphemia more so than Nunnally tbh. I merely mentioned Nunnally due to the old injury that Robin has on her neck (point is they were injured). That, and of course they're both little sisters. Euphemia too, but I'm mostly referring to her via appearance and mannerisms. Robin's a super nice/innocent character with pure intentions and cares about the people around her. And because of that she reminded me of Euphemia whenever she appeared on screen

I'm sorry, but I had to mention/ramble about that. Those of you that have seen Code Geass might agree with me with those similarities

Anyways~ that's pretty much it for my ramble. With how happy-go-lucky 2.3 was, I was a tad disappointed that we didn't get any Robinhill crumbs... Since Boothill was at the bar with hologram Aventurine, I was half expecting Robin to do her singing performance and maybe Boothill would've been like, "Holy forkoroni. I just died and went to heaven..." Or something among those lines for when he laid eyes on Robin's angelic beauty. No? Just me? Okay lol

But yeah, I feel like Penacony is not quite finished yet. And I'm only saying that cause I stumbled upon this while I was doing the sticker thing on our handbook...

Does this mean anything? Idk. It's just something I noticed a few days ago. If I remember correctly, the lady that tended to us at the front desk said that this handbook will only be relevant to us while we're in Penacony. If so, then I guess there's a bit more in store for us. If not, that's fine too.

But if that theory about that we're still stuck in the dreamscape is true... Oh boy. I can somewhat see it, if only because the Trailblazer is sensitive to Memoria. Something that Black Swan, Acheron, and even Firefly (I think) has mentioned throughout the story. Maybe everybody else woke up, but the Trailblazer is still in deep slumber. Just something to ponder (if only a little)

We'll see what happens on the next update. I might be wrong on some things, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there. Feel free to let me know what you guys think. I hope that everyone who wanted Firefly are happy Firefly havers. I know I am~! Currently trying to see if I can get her to E2 before her banner is over. Wish me luck! :3

Good luck on your pulls everyone~! And thank you for reading!

[antiheroinesque]

🐈‍⬛ # my roleplaying information.

· hey, hi, hello! my name is sans and it is so nice to meet you, i hope you're having a wonderful day :) i am laying these all out here so that we can be on the same page.

· ABOUT ADMIN: i use she/her and i am a legal adult -> born in 2005. you can reach out to me via my pers/onal blogs or you can check out my other socials on my carrd.

· SOME BACKGROUND ABOUT ME: i have been roleplaying practically my entire life starting from when i was a wee old child on this site called quotev. in may of 2024, quotev straight up deleted the feed, leaving my friends and i no choice but to migrate elsewhere. as of now, i still struggle with feeling comfortable on a different site, but i'm still branching out and adapting to the best of my ability. i also would like to add that my schedule is sporadic, i am exclusively running everything on my phone since i can't afford a new laptop at the moment, and i genuinely struggle to keep up with replying and my to-do lists as i deal with executive dysfunction; if i seem unorganised, that is because i am all over the place and i get overwhelmed easily. your patience is always appreciated.

· ROLEPLAYING MEDIUM: i roleplay via discord primarily, but i am also trying out tumblr and twitter, and i am open to writing my replies via google docs.

# discord: i find this the best for myself, personally, it works great for both long-form descriptive threads as well as script style shenanigans. i roleplay via personal one-on-one servers using tupper bots (not necessary btw if you don't use tuppers), normally, but with my friends, i am willing to roleplay via their musing servers and any common roleplaying servers we're in. however, i don't think i feel comfortable sharing my discord with people i barely know just yet, so if we meet on tumblr, we'll be roleplaying via tumblr.

# tumblr: i will be writing characters via their respective primary blogs.

· WRITING STYLE: i can do both descriptive and script, although i usually prefer the former for proper threads and the latter for crack roleplays, but i can do descriptive script too. and just so we're on the same page:

this is script. ( she typed. )

( and if she stretched this out for several paragraphs, that'd become descriptive script. )

“and this is descriptive,” she added.

FURTHERMORE i roleplay in full lowercase on purpose. i write in third person perspective using british english spelling.

· WRITING LENGTH: pretty flexible with this, my writing length can vary from a few sentences to several novella-length paragraphs.

· TO MY ROLEPLAY PARTNERS: i will never require my roleplay partners to match my length, reply punctually, or stick to threads unwillingly: the point of roleplaying is to have fun, and i want my roleplay partners to feel comfortable and thrive.

· BASIC ETIQUETTE APPLIES: mutual respect and decency are always appreciated; harassment, plagiarism, bigotry of any form, etc. are not.

· SHIPPING: my muses are generally multi-ship and open for shipping unless stated otherwise. with that being said, i prefer to take things slowly and prioritise irp chemistry as i find it awkward to write pre-established romances no matter what. if our muses cannot vibe as friends, then they are not suitable to be lovers. romantic shipping is not of extreme priority to me, and i do not write smut, ever.

· EXCLUSIVITY: i do not have hard or fast rules for this, honestly, it's a case by case situation for me and i'd discuss this with my roleplay partners individually. i do not feel comfortable writing out the lists of connections my muses have, i am so sorry. in general, i am willing to interact with a variety of characters especially for non-serious and no-strings-attached roleplays, but there are some characters who are my mains/exclusives that i will not repeat out of respect to my roleplay partners, most of whom aren't on tumblr so alas. i do not maintain exclusivity for face-claims, usually.

· INTERACTIONS: i am always down to interact with duplicates of my own canon muses! my roleplays are crossover friendly and oc friendly.

· PORTRAYALS: it depends on the characters, but normally, although i try to stay true to the canon sources, i will classify my canon portrayals as canon-divergent since i tend to cherry pick bits of canon i like, explore themes or ideas i find interesting, and infuse my headcanons into writings; my focus is to have fun and keep things fresh. my characters, both canon and originals, are also prone to retcons for those reasons stated.

· OTHER: not all of my characters will be a typical anti-heroine per se, but i still like this theme for them; it was either this or @.gaypeoplefactory lol

[fishylife]

when i was in my last year of high school, the school arranged a series of "adulting" classes for us. i think they were partially based on request but i honestly have no idea how they were arranged.

unfortunately i missed the fun ones like the one where a teacher was teaching how to do the laundry and didn't know he had to separate clothes based on colour. and the fun self defense class where apparently people found out that our posh english teacher was married to a punk lookin dude and was having fun "fighting" him as self defense.

anyway, there was one class on dining etiquette, basically how to be polite if you're invited to events and stuff. the etiquette teacher was the sister of another of our english teachers and i just remember they were kind of opposite lol. the lady was very glam and our english teacher was pretty down to earth. at one point the lady told us that business cards were good for getting food out of your teeth. at the time i remember being kind of confused because like, that's kind of icky, you don't know where a business card has been? but over a decade later, i realized that you literally don't need to use a business card because there is an apparatus made for getting food out of your teeth in a pinch called a toothpick?! i don't know what that lady was going on about lol.

[celtrist]

Re: https://www.tumblr.com/celtrist/757582206233444352/weird-explanation-about-alastors-bobcut-because

THE BOBCUT

I can only scrape together 3 reasons/excuses for Alastor’s haircut

- covering the sides of his head where human ears used to be because he’s self conscious :,)

- the shape is like a reverse silhouette of his ears: 2 points up, 2 points down. If we count his chin then maybe you go for a crazy conspiracy angle where you overlay a pentagram/satanic goat over his head and the points match up lol “coincidence?! I THINK NOT!!!!” (I don’t agree with this, the mental image is just funny)

- while men didn’t style their hair long in the 20/30s, the slicked back look (and wavy varieties like finger waves etc) did sometimes require (or hide) some length: from the hairline to almost the back of the head at most, held with enough hair product to paralyse a small dog. (Brylcreem/congolene/pomade etc) When you wash that style out, or it comes loose from sweat or rain or falling in a creek, it’s between cheek to chin length around the face. The 20s reverse mullet, party in the front, business in the back. I think there used to be homophobic complaints at the time that women wearing their hair bobbed short and men wearing their hair “long” made (jazz) music halls a DeN oF GaY, claiming they couldn’t tell men and women apart with these hairstyles whilst they were all banging out a charleston or lindy hop or whatever they were doing. I had this hairstyle for over a decade, my dad wouldn’t let me change it, “iTs fRenCh pRoVinCiaL aNd rEminDs mE oF yOur mOthEr” bitch I looked like amelie

The human design for Alastor doesn’t wear his hair like that though, throwing this excuse out a closed window

It’s also what would happen to hair if it was in a ponytail and chopped behind the tie. Either way R.I.P.

Lots of insight! I can still see your last point holding up at least a little bit in the sense that it is more fitting for him to have chin-length hair, or at least grow it out to that point when he got to Hell (he just wanted a fresh look). However, the only "issue" is that: why wouldn't he style his hair? He doesn't really strike me as someone who'd go against gender norms quite honestly. Not out of masculinity, like if he was put into a situation that called for it, I'm sure he'd be fine wearing a dress to some degree (and he'd look good in it. We can all agree he'd look good in it). But more on the prospect that "gentlemen don't do that". I can see him both as someone who would wear a dress and be fine with it, but also someone who would wear a dress and find it demeaning to himself. Obviously Alastor doesn't hold all the old timey values--he wouldn't like Charlie and Vaggie's relationship on them being two woman alone if he did--but I do think he sticks by older etiquette. Like I'm certain he thinks women are capable more than men of his time gave them credit for, but he reads as someone who'd also be like "must take care of the fairer sex, for I am a man and that's what we do". Again, not in a demeaning way he clearly knows women can hold their own. But if a man and a woman got sick, Alastor would tell the man to suck it up and the woman to lay down and rest. That's my personal take though :/

I will admit that I didn't think about the reverse silhouette thing! Nice eyes on that one! Say what you will with Viv's character designs, but they all have fairly strong silhouettes. You see a character with blacked-out details, and you're more than likely able to tell who it is. And maybe that's Viv's design process, she prioritizes a silhouette over tiny designs that could give info about a character. A nice silhouette can ideally still give a bit of info about a character (like how rounder characters are seen as more welcoming) and that's where I do have to mark Viv some points down as when you take two totally opposite characters--Alastor and Angel Dust--they have the same "tall & sharp" that doesn't indicate a difference in who the character might be. There's not a varied shape language in this show, and shape language is very big for character design, especially on the cartoon front! Which, shape language wise a lot of the characters have similar shape language. But I give credit that there IS more (like Charlie is round with her braids, which helps give a more welcoming silhouette. Vaggie is a bit squared with her hair, giving an indication of being strong and stable). I do think for the most part, a lot of them do just come down to being "thin and sharp", but the silhouettes themselves ARE GOOD, I'm not gonna mistake Alastor's silhouette for Angel's. It's just not varied (and for some characters like Husk, it would make since for him to have a more squared portly silhouette compared to the thin twigged silhouette he has. Both because his personality and how his body would look just by what he does: sit around, drink, and gamble. He doesn't seem like a character who would have eating issues, and he doesn't seem active enough to stay as fit as he is).

I digress but yes, the silhouette thing isn't something I thought of, and is a good thought! But he does, as you pointed out, have the pointy chin. It's not parallel to the ears like the bob cut but it would create a triangular layout of his face (ear-to-chin-to-ear). But I can still see it that the bob cus is there for a reverse silhouette thing, even if unneeded.

The ears thing, people have made him with short cuts and he looks fine. Honestly, it's more noticeable when he DOESN'T have short hair since the bob cut moves around, but I get the premise in universe wise. And that's an idea I've seen people mention before. I'm not too sure on it just cuz Alastor was described as a narcissist, so I don't think him lack human ears would get to him that much. ADVERSELY if people like Mimzy kept pointing it out, he more than likely would just want a way to cover it up to get her to shut up about it haha. But I can also see the point of him being sort of "self conscious" about the lack of ears on the side of his head because it's just a reminder that he's taken after a prey animal in Hell. Or even just an animal, he doesn't strike me as the type who'd really like having his features alluding to any sort of animal no matter if it was prey or predator. It being a deer is just salt in the wound at that point.

[j0kers-light]

Hello! I am the person who commented on your stories on wattpad. I'm also kind of a volleyball fan. and I wondered what J would look like as a volleyball player..

Hey hi anon! 🖤✨

Please forgive me. I know nothing of volleyball and you can definitely tell, lol but the people asked for Joker!Volleyball player so here we go!

I honestly don't know if this answers your ask 🤦🏾‍♀️ oh no..

I did light research on YouTube but it wasn’t extensive in the way I wanted it to be. Did I watch some Haikyuu to brush up on the sport? Maybe soooooo. I’m a weeb shoot me. I hope you enjoy anon!

Joker got a booty for dayyyyys! He has a fangirl club who comes to every match to watch his handsome self (ahem I don’t blame them) move all across the court.

Those black shorts hug every muscle Joker has to offer and when he jumps to spike, his shirt rides up and hello hello is that six pack? What’s harder? The ball or Joker’s washboard abs?

MOVING ON! When he starts to sweat and uses his shirt to wipe it off…. send help.

Bet good money that J is the Captain. His team knows better to bring their A game to every match, whether it be a playful match or a professional tournament. He does not accept defeat but he plays fair on the court.

Now off of it? Well…that’s another thing entirely.

Joker is known to be a menace off the court. His tall frame, cocky smirk, and haunting eyes run a tight ship to keep the matches going.

If an opposing team doesn’t wanna play fair or wants to back out at the last minute, guaranteed J and his boys are there to knock some sense into their opponents. Either you play the game or pay the price.

Joker has daily bruised knuckles and busted lips with all the brawls he gets into before and/or after matches. The referee just raises an eyebrow seeing Joker's handsome face all cut & swollen. The other players look worse. Not his problem "LET THE GAME BEGIN!" 🏐💢

And it’s all because J is cocky. It's proper game etiquette; no swearing or trash talking, buuuuuuuut there’s no rules regarding his mannerisms. The net separates him from the other team but his taunts and glares are well received. Hence the brawls and trash talk OFF the court.

Joker’s cocky smile makes the girls swoon and his opponent’s blood boil. Think of a bad boy persona playing volleyball, its straight off an anime show!

Joker’s coach is about had it with his star player coming to practice with a new shiner or another broken nose yet J cracks it back into place every time. Whatever happened to a gentleman’s game? 

The coach is tempted to kick J off the team but he's that good of a player they can't afford to lose him.

Let’s talk positions! Joker prefers to be the setter since his serve is like a canon with the way he jumps and sends that ball flying. Nine times out of ten his team scores a point when he serves the ball.

It's a fast-paced game that requires quick thinking and decision making; right up Joker’s alley. Baby daddy got skillz!

His green eyes are darting all over the court, seeing where his teammates are, where the ball is, where it's going, and what orders he needs to bark out to his team to secure the win.

When it's time to switch positions, he usually moves to the middle or opposite hitter, but remains in charge; still calling the shots much to the confusion of the opposing team. 

Side note: I think for this head canon it would be weird if Joker has his signature scars (OR OR! hear me out; he got cut in a street fight but its not a jester smile, kinda like a sexy scar down his cheek? I think any scar is sexy but back to the hc)

He most definitely he dyes his hair green and probably keeps it in some sort of low ponytail or manbun so its out of the way when he plays but still long enough for you to pull during se- AHEM! The girls in the audience are feral for him but he has eyes only for you. 

Before every match and/or tournament, J’s eyes are scanning the crowd for you. You’re his number one fan and his good luck charm.

One time you couldn’t make a match and his team lost horribly. Ever since Joker demanded you be in attendance (and his teammates secretly bribe you to come just to keep their Captain in high spirits and so they can win)

The group of six are inseparable and you respect their strong bond. You don't compete for J's attention. You understand that volleyball is everything to J but you are runner up for the top priority in his life. Never question that.

Joker has a bad first round and his eyes are like magnets finding yours in the audience. You flash him a smile and wave (much to his fanclub’s ire) and he's got an instant shot of motivation to annihilate the other team. And he does without fail all because you're watching.

He's a heartthrob, tall, alethic, with an arrogant attitude that oozes BDE, of course he’s gonna show off for his girl, in fact he loves to. J is over the moon in love with you and he wants everyone to know that. A proud simp.

You treat him to a winner’s kiss away from the press and offer to give Joker a massage if he wants some relief for his sore muscles.

If he has time, he'll take you up on your offer but often times the coach drags him into the locker room to go over game mistakes to improve on. Joker just grins as he's dragged off, sending you air kisses like the lovesick idiot he is. This is all going according to plan..

You use the long locker room meeting to sneak into J's hotel room and set up for his post-game surprise and he’s never been the same sense.

He held his hotel keycard up onto the scanner and sighed when the cool AC hit his tired, weary body.

It had been a long day of matches beginning at 6am. He scarfed down a breakfast, sent you a text message before warming up with the boys, before entering back to back matches. 

He hadn't had the time to do anything else let alone check his phone for your response, but you knew how hectic his game days could get and you weren't upset by it.

Joker couldn't find you in the crowd since it was a bigger tournament but he felt your presence and that helped him and his team score win after win. 

Between all the handshakes, acts of sportsmanship, and post-game media coverage; Joker was exhausted. He loves to play the game, not be the media mascot for the team. That was usually Mac’s role. The blond loved talking to interviewers etc. and soaking up attention.

Even if Joker is the Captain, he could care less about the mayhem that followed after a game. Ain't that what coaches were for?

Joker just wanted to grab a bite to eat (check on you) and crash before he starts this all over in the morning. 

He dropped his bag on the floor and walked further into his hotel suite but stopped short when he saw you lying on his bed. 

In his gear. 

You found his spare jersey and wore it over a long sleeve shirt. But those lewd shorts, now that was all you. They hugged your figure a little too well.

You even wore elbow and knee pads with your hair up in braids. And because you always did things 100% or not at all, you posed on the bed with a volleyball perched under your arm.

Your smile was flirtatious that promised Joker a wonderful night.

“Hey Captain.. I heard you won today’s bracket. This calls for a celebration don’t you think?” You sat up on your knees and beckoned J over with a crook of your finger. He came over in a trance. 

His arousal was showing through the sweats he changed into after the last game. J stopped right in front of you with his erection literally in your face. You bit your lip, eyeing it hungrily before looking up at J.

Joker was still speechless at your attire. He ran his eyes all over your form, trying to burn this image into his memory.

A girlfriend wearing their partner's gear was any sports player’s dream come true. And you were a literal dream.

You became a fan of the sport because of Joker. You knew it was everything to him and in turn, you made it your passion as well. It proved just how much you loved him.

His number one fan. He didn't deserve you.

Joker quickly forgot about his exhaustion. He wasn't even hungry anymore. At least not for food. 👀 He bent down to kiss you and changed his plans for the night to include you as the star player. 

So what if he was five minutes late in the morning? His teammates understood the second they saw the love bites you left on his neck. Joker took it all in stride and boasted that they were 'good luck charms.'

All they needed to do was win today's matches to win it all.

Of course they won the tournament. Joker swears up and down it was because you let him score the night before.

[crimeronan]

I feel like I would consider myself polyamory agnostic in a way, like I would maybe like for it to happen but I often fear that I don't have the ability to manage even one partnership, let alone multiple relationships, since I am often. So tired. I often find myself idealizing the "late" stage of a relationship when everyone already has settled into what to expect of each other and knows not to take it personally if someone falls asleep mid movie, for example. All this to say, how do you handle your relationship structure as a disabled/chronically ill person? Do you have any advice/thoughts on how it works for you? (I feel like perhaps you have posted about this before and I am just forgetting...)

oh this is a really good question! i'm not sure how relevant my life experience will be to you, particularly given that i started dating all three of my current partners before becoming disabled/crippled. but i am happy to share!

first off -- i 100% get romanticizing the late stage of relationships, sometimes you just need things to be chill and flexible. but i also don't think that this stage necessarily Needs to be reserved for Late Relationships?

like.... the older i get, the more upfront i've decided to be about my needs, especially with new people. granted, a lot of the people i meet these days are either disabled themselves or Get It -- my social circle is mostly queer spoonies in their 20s and 30s + much much older retirees that i hang out with at the local pool.

some people prefer not to be so open so quickly about their limitations, it is hard and scary to be visibly disabled, harder still to ask for help & admit that you might be inconvenient / a burden / take up extra space. this USED to be me until i said. eh. fuck it. after a certain point, wounded pride is just a mental construct

basically, like. when i'm online these days, you'll see me be clear about my limits with strangers - i'll say that if i stop replying to chats or asks, it's not bc i hate you, it's bc i'm tired or forgetful. that i can't guarantee responses to ppl, even people i'm already friendly with. that if my mood is bad or my pain levels are high, i won't engage in much social interaction at All. that my capabilities fluctuate wildly depending on the day and that i cannot be relied upon for consistent scheduling or posting or creative output

i'm similarly open with people irl. it helps that i'm often using mobility aids when i'm talking to people. the mobility aids sorta strip the possibility of pretending not to be disabled. it's kinda the elephant in the room. but it means that i can be like, "as you can see, i am very crippled. i may need flexibility with any plans that we make. due to being very crippled."

if people get upset by this or simply don't have the capacity to deal with it, that is fine! that's not either of our faults, no one's done anything wrong, we're just not in the right circumstances to mesh. i don't get hurt by that personally. i've honestly found that it saves SO much time and hassle and potential drama/heartache to set expectations right away. the only other option is to exhaust myself and end up failing to meet expectations regardless and losing the friendship after burning up a bunch of energy and social bridges. painful and bad!

so like... i can meet a new person, and if they're cool with My Whole Deal, then there's no waiting period before we're familiar enough for flaky behavior. i can be like, "i'm not sure i'll be able to walk tonight, is there a place to sit down at the event?" or "i'm flaring a little, is it okay for us to be kinda flexible about tomorrow's schedule?" or "hey, i'll get back to you as soon as possible i promise, i'm just fogged TO SHIT today [peace sign]" from day 1. it's great

i'm not saying that you Have to do this; i am aware that it breaches like seventeen laws of general social etiquette. i'm just saying that i have met many people who are totally chill about this! as long as you're chill and respectful of the other person as well, you can do whatever you want forever

that was not even relevant to the initial ask, so. AS FOR MY PARTNERS.

i actually don't find that my illness makes it harder to navigate my relationships at all. like i mentioned, i've been with all three partners for Many Many Years now. we know each other Extremely well, we're all extremely turbo autistic, we all have blunt communication down to a science. so saying "i'm not up for doing [x thing] tonight, can we take a rain check?" is super easy.

in fact, my partners can basically intuit a flare from just my physical movements and tone of voice, even before i say a single word. we are VERY familiar with each other.

.....and, alright. after fighting the urge to longpost i've decided to put the rest under a cut. YOU'RE WELCOME 4 THE RETURN OF YOUR DASHBOARDS. "why didnt you put it under a cut so much earlier" read my posts boy

anyway. click readmore to hear me expand upon just how fucking incredible and awesome and kind and generous and loving my People are

there ARE some ways that the illness has made it more difficult for ME to be the kind of partner that i want to be -- for example, i often lack the energy to provide proper emotional support during stressful situations, i have a shorter threshold for pain/irritation than i used to, i can't give 100% of my energy anymore and there have been times when that has resulted in hurt feelings in my partners.

(there have been far more times, though, when nobody's feelings are hurt and it's literally fine.)

in every case where feelings DID get hurt, we've talked stuff out and fixed it within like an hour. bc we all trust each other and know that we don't WANT to hurt each other's feelings. i never ever Ever say things with the intention of wounding my partners, and they know that. they never say things with the intention of wounding me, either, which is why our very blunt "hey, you need to change something you're doing" convos go so well. there's no need to tiptoe, it doesn't hurt me to know what they're thinking or feeling or needing.

sometimes things are just hard and shitty and we're all doing the best we can. this is just part of adulthood i think. especially adulthood in late stage capitalism, etc. the Biggest key to my polycule is that we are all much happier as a family than we would be without each other. the relationships are about as wholesome and healthy and non-toxic and openly communicative as they can get

the Other key aspect when dealing with my illness is that.... being polyamorous has actually been... SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER than being 1) alone, OR 2) in a monogamous relationship EVER WOULD BE?

it is Extremely Stressful for my family to deal with me being this sick. i am aware of that. but i haven't had to bear the brunt of it. not only do they support me, but they also all communicate with and support each other. so no one person is bearing the entire weight of the stress or pain or fear. and i don't have to comfort people over my own symptoms, which most disabled ppl i think would agree is.... exhausting

when i'm too fucked up to speak aloud, let alone support my partners the way i usually do, they ALWAYS have EACH OTHER as a safety net.

this safety net has been beyond vital for me personally, too. round-the-clock care from a single partner is insane and exhausting and leads to unraveling tempers. but when you live with two partners who can help cover your chores and cook and make sure you don't die of your Symptoms (TM)? that's much more doable.

it's HARD, bc literally everyone in the house is disabled to some degree, but it's doable. (it being hard is part of why my QPR is going to move in with us soon. extra hands!)

a few weeks ago, rafi (partner of 7ish years) went on a short vacation to visit family in california. and justice (QPR of 3ish years, best friend of 8ish years) booked an impromptu next-day plane ticket to come stay with me and vi (partner of 11ish years) while rafi was gone. because i was Very Sick. i was flaring horribly the whole time she was here, and she made meals and cleaned and ran errands and picked up medications and returned phone calls and lay in bed with me watching low-stakes tv shows and made sure i didn't stroke out without anyone there to help.

this meant that i basically got to stay in bed the whole time, which was very very Very needed. and vi -- who has a bad back -- wasn't unduly taxed with Literally All of the household upkeep in rafi's absence.

the same principle has applied when i've needed my partners to help cover my share of bills or my household chores or my errands or whatever. since there are three other people involved, the Immediate Support Net is much wider than in a monogamous relationship. especially bc all three of them have their own familial and friend support networks to reach out to!

having more people around is actually awesome for me. i don't feel like i'm expending a lot more energy than i would in a monogamous relationship, but i AM receiving a TON more support and care and love than would be possible in a monogamous relationship.

i guess the conclusion i'd make is: no man is an island, humans are hardwired to build large social support groups, and in a good relationship, you'll receive At Least as much as you give. right now i'm receiving a SHIT TON MORE than i give, and i do often feel pretty bad about it despite knowing it's not my fault.

but these people have chosen to be my family. and if they ever want to stop choosing me then they absolutely can. and if they need more from me or they need something Different from me, then they'll literally just tell me.

(i know they will literally just tell me because all three of them have literally just told me in the past. they're three people i can implicitly trust to say things like "hey, this thing you said made me sad / was unhelpful" and "hey, i'm really stressed out about [x thing], can we make a plan to deal with it?" and "hey, this situation is pretty serious and i know that you don't want to face it but i really need you to. i will take on whatever i can for you and support you the whole time")

so: yes it has been hard to some extent, managing three relationships while also being sick. but it is also a wonderful setup with a million unthought-of advantages & i am much better cared-for and much better AT caring because of it & i fucking Shudder to think how horrific being sick would be without them.

i love my family so much.

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 22 Commentary

Before I start this I want u to know I have ELEVEN. THOUSAND WORDS. of scrapped / rewritten stuff for this chapter u have no idea how much this chapter kicked my ass. like. i was writing it for like 7 months, my snips doc is LONGER. than the actual chapter

Cyrill shifts, trying to fix his slipping foot, and Soleil jumps with a flinch.

Initially I had Cyrill reaching out to touch Soleil w/o waiting for an answer. but like, between the BDSM / sex work specifically and scenting etiquette generally, i think Realistically he wouldn't in this case. I think, maybe further along when soleil is used to his touch / hasn't panicked from it in a hot minute he would do it instinctively and it might backfire, but in this case I think there's still enough distance between them + he has enough practice asking "is touch okay" and waiting for consent to touch soleil. (in the draft, cyrill's train of thought is that soleil feels better after a scenting and he announces he's going to touch soleil, just to give him some support, while moving at the same time to do so (instead of waiting) bc he's hoping that once he can start scenting it'll calm soleil down. but on re-read i was like >> he's not quite panicking enough to override the practice of ask then consent. he's just really uncomfortable w/ sitting and letting soleil cry + he desperately wants to do smth to comfort him. but clocks that touching soleil w/o his permission is a p bad consent violation especially wrt his past. even if he Is only trying to/wanting to help)

And then! Omega brain :) in overdrive just trying to make soleil comfortable (and, simultaneously wanting comfort himself but it's not really a conscious thing) Lots of cyrill wanting to help or do things a certain way but holding back this chapter (or trying to hold back and failing lol) I'm hoping the switch up in tone isn't too jarring but cyrill really is happy to have one-on-one time w/ soleil, In His Nest, and like ray (and athena), he's not nearly as concerned about being sick as soleil so for him. oh, AHDKHKHAK "i can fix him" is what just popped into my head but cyrill is like :D we will make it like a sleepover and everything will be fine now and i will help soleil feel better and it'll be great and also, In My Nest :) (also has been horny bc that's what he gets when he's sick but. he knows that's not an option, it still just makes him !!!!!!!! to have soleil scenting things his partners scented and again. in his nest. where he can provide and make him feel save and loved and comforted)

Soleil nods and then promptly ignores that. It’s bad to lie but it’s worse to be loud.

Was rereading for editing and kinda gave myself whiplash bc i was like lol at the first sentence and then got smacked with the second. Especially coming off of cyrill having an honestly p okay time POV

Also I'm like really happy w/ the pacing up to this point?? The pacing on this chapter was SUCH a pain, it was a delightful commenter who mentioned liking when i switched POV's that had me like ohhhhh maybe that's what this needs. bc soleil pov is great but oh gosh can it get long,,,,,,, also like, idk if it's dif for others who r reading this Once (or rereaders!!!! i adore u) if soleil's anxiety pov goes on too long i like, have to go do breathing exercises so ahdkjsahkdhaskjdhksa. it was nice hitting this point, checking the scroll bar and seeing i was exactly halfway through the chapter. that felt like good pacing for me @ okay, now we r in new location and hopefully the back half of this chap will be an upswing in mood

"All that mucus and gross sh-tuff,"

I think it's v funny that the others do their best not to curse around soleil. it's partially that curses can sometimes be perceived as cursing = angry and they don't want to frighten / trigger soleil. but also, i think it's a side effect of not wanting to curse around ness (who soleil is often. attached to) which is funny to me

Soleil’s asked for too much, he shouldn’t have gotten sick; he’s imposing, he’s being a burden, he’s being a mutt— ...but what if he taints him—

Obv the rhetoric is v metaphorically in quotes, I hope you can hear Grey's voice w/o me having to say it. I don't think the others clock just how far Soleil is slipping back in terms of thought process. Bc it's p internal atp and most of his external worries are around getting ness (and others) sick. But i think the fact that he's able to cry about it -> to recognize that it's stressful and he feels awful, is better than him pushing it down / repressing it.

Soleil slumps against the doorway of the bathroom

Wait I was just reading a reddit post about like, what americans do that signal in other countries that they're american and one of the points was "always leaning on things" and then i catch soleil leaning on this doorway for like a 3 second break conversation akdasld. it's partially like, chronic pain on both of our parts but oh boy do i love leaning on stuff <3

Evidence pile, evidence pile, except he keeps coming back to the evidence pile and he keeps. Freaking out.

I thought it was really important to show that Soleil is /trying/ to use some of those techniques he learned in therapy. Genuinely and for the right purpose (we'll get into how he misuses some of them w/ Penny next chapter) and ofc it's still overwhelming and it'd be easier / more familiar if he was able to slip back into old patterns. If he was still and quiet, if he was unseen, even to be hurt/punished would be familiar and therefore "better" than what he's dealing with now so he can't help but "wish" for it. "Wish" in quotes bc I think he knows, as the reader does, that none of the others would approach any of his struggles by purposely harming him. I wasn't sure exactly how to tag that but I don't think it's something unfamiliar at this point / in these kinds of situations and can count under the "misc trauma responses" blanket warning

“I don’t know,” he keens. “I don’t know.” A little burst of anger heats him—if Cyrill would just leave him or stop—stop asking him things like he’s a person— “Why—Just pick—”

I have yet to /really/ get into Soleil not being treated like a Person, partially bc I think Soleil is repressing it and he Does have memories of what it was like living before Grey, so it's not like he can't (re-)adjust at all to walking on two legs and sitting on chairs and taking a hot shower whenever he feels like it. And Grey could've been >> worse in some ways, like it's not as if Soleil Never walked, he was still spoken to (even if in demeaning ways), he was fed >> three times a day >> sometimes but the food was on trays etc. So like, the point being Grey didn't Actually really ever treat him like a dog, he treated him as a person that he wanted to humiliate and dominate. So Soleil never really was not-a-person, just a very dehumanized one, who still knew enough and had enough personhood to bargain when he really needed/wanted to. And sometimes being a person means that accepting or feeling that being told what to do and when to do and how to do it is easier, especially when following all those rules hurts less

He doesn’t think he can pick apart his feelings because he’ll pick himself apart in the process and he’s trying so desperately to keep himself together.

I like the literal sound of this sentence @ the metaphor but again wanted to point out he Does try. it's just that he has SOOO little practice in using his coping methods in the long-run that he just absolutely folds under this high-stress situation. next ch will be better for him <3