#at the very least. maybe i can be a change in the world for Some people. even if it's as small as buying someone a dvd theyve been wanting.

[from-the-owls-nest]

mhm. what if you're too broken, in too tiny pieces, even the base too shattered to rebuild from. what if there's too little good left.

*swallow* that... that probably wasn't the most helpful answer. but I know what you mean. and I don't really have a fix or anything.

*drily, like, ironically* should probably clarify that the you in that first sentence meant me and just me. so. before you get any more ideas. because of course for Me that's Different! At least for my chaos brain tangles.

[ooc: Philosophy Below. idk brain ran away with thoughts call me if u find it /silly]

*silence, thinking over the words again* I don't know. All I can hope is that - that sentence from the movie Aria likes. When we can see no future, all we can do is the next right thing. the next little ray of sunlight. the next little moment of peace.

And if none of that is possible... Wait, and hold on, and look for them, and hope they come back soon. This is just my thoughts - my little agreement with myself. I gotta try the best I can, even if the best I can is a break from trying to recover. And then I'll know that Past Me did their best for me now and that I owe it to Future me to do my best for what they might become. Even if they weren't very successful. Like deciding that however I am right now is me too, and so I am all these things and parts, the good and the rough ones, and they all together make the full me. It's these nice little shortcut across the self blaming and infighting that take a long time to work out but help wherever they hold.

But like. I think I owe it my future self to hold on, and to get through the storms. Our past selves have come such a long way, and who knows where we'll go next, what our future selves and lives might be like. So like. I do think that new paths open up all the time, possibilities. Even if the ones now are all bad, who knows where we can still go. And the only way to find out is to try, and to do our best.

*they pull out their diary, and from the front a little calendar page* Look. I... It's one of these pages I'll keep forever and ever because I need the reminder, and give to others when they might need it. I don't know if it's right. I hope so. and I think the only way to find out is to try and hold on.

For me that's enough. That, little hopes, little good moments, even just the memory of warmth and hope and the knowledge that all that was once can come again - in different forms, maybe, but it can. *turning to lay it next to Will's sneaker*

*more silence* But. Well. That's really big thoughts, and hard to see when everything is so dark. Hm. okay just to throw some thoughts out. You don't have to tell me, you don't have to think about it, just... some ideas. Little windows into that maybe, whenever you're able to look.

what do the voices say? can they maybe be talked to, or be both a little right?

is there anything you wish wouldn't stop? or come back? any little thing. ignore realism and context all that. if you were playing make-believe, your own little world, what would it look like? if you want to we can take turns. I play that game regularly cause, well, bad memory, and i probably should start again.

and... does it have to be a *bad* hurt? like. yes. you're different. stuff happened, and it changed you, and that really really hurt. you might not be the same person as before. is that a bad thing? or, you said nasty. sure. right now it's raw and painful and doesnt fit yet. but... could all these little shards grow back together and become something scarred and mended, and different?

I hope they could. I'd really miss you - not you from before, you however you are right now and however you want to be. Idk doesn't make much sense but - people if they change are still that person, right? just... changed, by a situation or because they got to know themselves better or whatever. Like Butterflies. I'd like to see the next chapter, with you if you want or just knowing there was one for you.

Image Credit @thelatestkate and her website

Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.

[is-this-fascism]

i found this on a joke post about first aid, but it's hard to tell how serious this person is being so i feel the need to clarify and maybe help some people learn some basic first aid. this is going to be for small, superficial cuts to the skin.

healthcare isn't free, but gauze and superglue are cheap

in today's political climate, who knows when you're going to have to rely on yourself. plus, as an American, i'm only $3000 in medical debt, all from avoiding hospitals after learning to treat myself, so you can trust me. (i am not a trained medical professional and am speaking from personal experience and research)

i'm going to start by saying you should approach personal first aid with an understanding that at any moment, you might have to accept that you can't treat this on your own and you will need to go to a hospital. just make sure it's always an open possibility in your mind. it's not a quitter's attitude, but actually an incredibly smart attitude. it's much more dangerous to push yourself past your limits over spite or stubborness or fear of debt or judgement. i'm especially talking to those of you who might have some kind of shame about self-inflicted injury.

it can be very healing and nice to tend to your own wounds, but ALWAYS be prepared to need help, and be prepared to make the decision quickly by knowing exactly what consititutes a medical emergency that is out of your scope. i talk about a couple of those scenarios in this post.

cleaning and medicating:

so first of all, for the love of GOD do NOT LICK YOUR WOUNDS. there's some factoid out there about spit having 'healing compounds' but you know what else spit has? LOTS OF BACTERIA. people get nasty tooth infections for a reason.

you don't need soap either. nor do you need iodine or hydrogen peroxide. if your wound is dirty enough that it needs soap, you should just go to the ER. soap will not stop a deep, rusty wound from giving you lockjaw.

you SHOULD rinse your wound with clean, lukewarm water. no pressure-washing, okay? just a gentle rinse. you can use soap to clean the area surrounding the wound, but don't put soap IN your wound. after rinsing, dab (don't rub) the wound dry.

a topical anti-bacterial (not anti-septic) cream or gel will do the heavy lifting in preventing infection. use a q-tip or clean fingertip to apply enough to completely cover the wound in a thin layer, then wrap it up.

wrapping:

band-aids are kind of a scam, yeah. they're okay on fingers. gauze is NOT a scam, though. the worst thing gauze can do is keep your wound too moist, but that's why it's reccomended to change the wrapping regularly. i prefer wrap gauze over pad gauze and bandaids. it's a bit excessive and makes me look like i just came out of the operating room over a papercut, but it's secure. if the gauze keeps falling off, replace it and wrap it better next time. sorry, that's just a skill issue. our limbs are mostly round and easy to wrap. anywhere you get gauze, you can also get gauze tape, which does what you think it does.

gauze holds the wound closed, keeps any medicine you applied in contact with the wound, and keeps dust and debris from the outside world away from the wound. use 2-3 layers of gauze directly applied to a clean wound and wrapped around the limb. just change it at least once a day. while you're changing the gauze, rinse the wound again and re-apply any topical anti-bacterial medicine. depending on the severity of the wound, you should only have to do this for a 3-5ish days. if there are signs of infection, it's a good idea to keep applying the medication every day even after you stop wrapping.

stopping bleeding:

the other main thing gauze does is stop bleeding. if the wound is deep or in a highly vascularized area, and the bleeding won't stop on its own, applying pressure with clean gauze will help. if it doesn't stop bleeding after a full five minutes of pressure, you're going to need to close the wound.

IF THIS IS SEVERE, I.E. IT IS GUSHING, THERE'S A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF BLOOD COMING OUT, IT'S SOAKING THROUGH MULTIPLE LAYERS OF GAUZE, YOU'RE GETTING WOOZY AND LIGHTHEADED, ETC. GET EMERGENCY HELP IMMEDIATELY.

deep tissue damage:

if it's just trickling some blood but it won't stop, it's likely not dangerous, only annoying. depending on the location, it's a good idea to assess if there could be any deep tissue damage, like a tendon, muscle, bone, nerves, or large vein. typically you'll be able to tell pretty quickly due to pain and loss of function. if you cut a tendon, for example, you'll lose mobility down the anatomical line. if you cut a nerve, there will be an electric burning sensation or numbness and loss of mobility. most of these structures move out of the way of a piercing cut, but a slicing cut can easily sever things. research what the signs of various types of deep tissue damage are so you can be prepared to report it to a medical team, because you're going to need to go the ER for that one too.

closing a wound:

if there's no deep tissue damage and you feel you can close this wound on your own, the first thing to try is binding. clean the wound, apply medicine if needed (might be difficult with trickling blood but just do your best), and just wrap the thing up with gauze. wrap it tight, not so tight that you lose circulation, but enough to stabilize the edges of the wound so they don't slip or seperate. this won't work if the wound is in a highly mobile area like near a joint, or in an area with tight skin that pulls away from itself, like over the shin bone.

the second option is superglue. this works best with short cuts, no longer than half an inch. it's a good idea to have medical grade superglue in your first aid kit, because it's formulated to be totally safe, but regular hardware superglue is essentially the same thing and will perform the same function, and a drop of it to close up a skin wound isn't going to hurt you. just don't drip it into your eyes, mouth, other holes and orifices, or directly into any open wounds. yes, i knew this for years before the veritasium video about it.

to use superglue to close a wound, first clean the wound and apply whatever medicine. if you can, a light tourniquet to slow down the bleeding might make it easier. i've used hairties on my fingers and shoelaces on my forearm. just don't make it tight. you just want to slow the bleeding enough to keep the wound clear for a couple seconds. the thing is, superglue will cure FASTER when it's in contact with blood (or water), and youre going to want a bit of working time.

position your joints so the skin around the wound is loose. apply a drop of superglue to the outside edge of one side of the wound. NOT inside the wound but as close to the edge as you can get it. it's honestly fine if a little bit gets into the wound. place a finger and thumb on either side of the wound, not touching the glue, and then just pinch it closed. hold it until it cures. clean the wound again with just water and check if the bleeding is contained. if you did it right, there shouldn't be any blood seeping out around the edges of the glue. if there is, it should stop pretty quickly. if it doesn't, apply another drop without pinching and let it cure on top of the wound.

third option for closing your wound is to learn how to suture. if you can sew, you have a leg up here. you don't need a medical degree to suture your own wounds, although if you do a bad job and go to the ER to get it redone, they might laugh or scold you. so this isn't difficult, nessecarily, but it's pretty advanced and it will take prior research and practice before anyone should be confident poking threads through their skin. i've never done this, i just stick to glue and gauze and those have worked fantastically for even really bad and bleedy cuts i've had.

go forth and deny, defend, depose. while you're at it, learn to grow veggies too

[xxplastic-cubexx]

snap's uber cringe vampire cherik rambling !!!!!! read at your own risk of charles/erik origins But If They Were Vampires and more !!!!

very simple makeshift vampire age map for the sake of understanding this vague timeline i have (hint: just multiply by ten) this is all subject to change because time is mean and im indecisive

infancy - 0 - 40

childhood - 50 - 120 years

adolescence - 130 - 170 years

emerging adulthood - 180 - 240 years

older adulthood - +250 years

elderly - +700 years

about dhampirs: they're not immortal like vampires, they just have a (much) longer life expectancy than humans (they really are just like 'weaker' vampires in this, only possessing half of their strengths and weaknesses)

'what's our time period' EXCELLENT question brother.

jk i think the main events will be set victorian-edwardian period (1850's-1910's) but charles and erik are at least a couple centuries old- probably born amidst the late 1500's (1580's-90's more specifically), maybe meet during the 1800's

charles' profile

charles heralds from a wealthy vampire family whos had their influence in england for centuries (maybe established roots during the 5th century), the general public none the wiser to their vampirism. at most there's rumors, but the family's charismatic enough to keep the murmurs at bay

brian is like. a little less evil to charles in this timeline. most of their time together being brian teaching charles how to run the family's business and whatever else vampires do to balance the life of a vampire and a human. at most, brian emotionally neglects charles as he stays vigilant in ensuring the xavier family can prosper for centuries. sharon xavier would be the one to instill all that is good and human in charles despite her own vampirism (most likely turned by brian before they had charles)

brian xavier is murdered by human kurt marko once the latter figures out his vampirism right before europe's widespread vampire hysteria (so maybe late 1600's)- not for any heroic purposes but so he can steal the xavier family's wealth of course.

he holds the xavier's vampiric origins over them until his eventual death (maybe early 1700's).

considering the idea charles' accidentally summons a pack of wolves to the house during a heated moment and they tear him apart- maybe kurt tries to protect cain and charles idk. charles wouldn't realize he caused this until much later while learning about his vampirism, BUT im still chewing on this so don't take this as 100% canon to this au.....

kurt never discloses the true nature of the xaviers to cain while he's alive, but as the boys grow older cain figures it out for himself and decides to dedicate his life to hunting down charles- how much of it is to rid the world of one less vampire or to vent the unhappiness he experienced growing up in the xavier household onto his brother is unclear

while kurt was alive, he experiments on charles in an attempt to understand his vampirism in an attempt to achieve eternal life without the drawbacks of vampirism. but i mean how good can your science be: evidently he fails vjELKJALKJ

as an adult, charles is curious about his own vampirism as he attempts to live amongst humans and perhaps help them (maybe not give them eternal life but at least how to extend life). he doesn't seek to 'cure' himself, only figure out how his biology works to live comfortably and safely: after all, there must be a reason as to why he was born this way, he reasons

he pursues a life of medicine to do this and along the way meets moira mctaggart (around late 1700's/early-1800's), a scientist working closely with the occult and isolated from general society. after some time, he reveals he's a vampire to her and they effectively become partners to further understand vampirism (but not romantic partners)

most of their work concerns why vampires 'need blood' and how to find a suitable substitute ('surely it's not blood itself that satiates vampires but a property within it?'), but they also look to find out why vampires can be weak in the sunlight and why they appear immortal (aka: they're purely scientific in their approach to the vampire phenomena instead of thinking it's magical, charles reasoning that vampires are just humans with a type of evolved biology. time will tell if he's right or wrong in this approach, and brother he has plenty of time)

erik's/max's profile

compared to the house of xavier, the house of eisenhardt- while not as wealthy- still maintained some sort of reputation in east prussia. however, the news of their vampirism easier leaks amidst the mid-1700's heightened paranoia of vampires (probably a domino affect of the rumor of Renowned Xaiver Family being one of vampires expanding after kurt's death), and he finds himself to be the only survivor amidst the violence against his family

fleeing further east and with the benefit of his youthful visage despite his real years, max has no problem using his intelligence and experience to find work to support himself and manages life alone until he eventually meets magda (maybe around the same time charles meets moira, 1790's). with her being human, it isn't long until she and max introduce little dhampir anya into the world

he tells magda of his vampiric origins (after all, if they were going to have a baby it'd prob be best to let her know the baby's gonna be part vampire right..), but whether it's disbelief or not fully grasping the implications of such, magda accepts and loves him. max vows never to feed off his wife, mostly feeding off hunted animals to satisfy himself

for a while, max was content to live in relative solitude with his family: he wouldn't bother the humans, and in turn they shouldn't bother him. but soon enough (talking Ten Years Later soon enough), the true nature of max and his family is uncovered in the quaint town they lived in, and history threatens to repeat itself as a growing mob attempts to torch their home. they can't succeed before max makes a bloody example of the mob- a display that frightens magda and has her flee with anya in her arms. that would be the last time max sees his wife and child. he effectively repurposes the site of where he lost his family as a quaint memorial to them and the grounds remain relatively untouched bar his annual visits (the common people more often rumoring it to be cursed as a result)

max would change his name to 'erik lehnsherr' as a way to bury his past and move on with his new, less-human-sympathetic life. uttering his real name weakens his power if not strips them away for some time entirely, so he's greatly secretive to who he tells it to (spoilers: he never tells anyone). he spends most of his time alone in his castle, going out at night to feed off late-night wanderers in nearby cities

as for wanda and pietro, debating on exactly what to do with them and if they're blood related to erik or not. considering having pietro be a dhampir that maintained his superspeed while wanda's still just a witch. not sure what to do about lorna either. at the very least, if they do live with erik, he's greatly protective and overbearing about them (a possible blend of keeping them close to use their might against humans, and not wanting to lose any more of his family)

The Part People Are Here For charles and erik interacting

How Do They Meet wow great questions today !!!

around 1810's, probably during one of erik's Feeding Nights he bumps into charles and attempts to make dinner of him, charles at this point passing far too easily as a regular human. the ensuing encounter/fight eventually leads to charles having to reveal himself also to be a vampire (probably as a result of having to resort to using telepathy to keep erik at bay and thereafter explaining himself)

despite the rocky start, neither can hide the fact they're ecstatic about meeting another vampire and become fast friends. Yknow. After overlooking the Sorry I Tried To Eat You part

so now charles spends his mornings with moira and his humanly duties and at night he sometimes spends time at erik's abode and with his children (if i decide they live with him of course).

moira can't ignore the way charles lights up when talking about erik (and how could she: even if he was candid with her about his experiences, it was an entirely different feeling talking to another vampire who already understood- and perhaps understood better). as such, she doesn't let charles forget erik could potentially be a danger- something charles can't forget if he wanted to (see again: them meeting the first time. still, he chooses to believe in the better parts of erik)

of course charles tries to dissuade erik from seeing humans as purely food or menaces and encourages him to work alongside himself to find more 'ethical' ways to be a vampire, but of course erik is resistant to the idea and at times admonishes charles for his thinking.

Everyone's Favorite Part: The Divorce

for a while- maybe five years- erik isn't aware of moira's existence. but on a night charles neglects to visit him he spots the pair walking to moira's home. following them, he's quick to discover moira's lab and realizes charles has been cooperating with a human this whole time (how much had he told her about erik? how much of their weaknesses did he expose to her? why wouldn't he tell erik about moira sooner if she wouldn't be an issue?)

enraged, erik doesn't wait for an explanation as he barges into the small shack and barks accusations of betrayal at charles. it only gets worse when moira is puzzled that charles didn't tell erik about her when he was more than happy to tell her about erik, only reaffirming erik's suspicions charles was attempting to doom vampires as a whole

what happens next im still up in the air about, but it'll be how charles loses the use of his legs in this universe

scenario a is while erik and charles brawl in moira's shack, she hurls holy water onto erik and disfigures his face. while he's down, she attempts to throw more holy water on him to at least give her and charles more time to escape only for charles to shield him at the final moment. while he's mostly unharmed, his legs get burnt as he pushes erik out of the way and finds he isn't able to regenerate the damaged limbs

scenario b is moira still gets erik with the holy water, however charles drags them out of the shack and tries to break for the nearest town. unfortunately, during their escape erik finds one of moira's silver-tipped crossbows (or something to that affect: still deciding if he should have control over magnetism in this but Details Details) and shoots charles in the spine ultimate style. going off the myth silver is Not Good for all 'unholy' and dead creatures of course, charles' nervous system isn't properly able to regenerate for Above Mentioned Reasons (his body's so 'dead' the antibacterial properties of silver eat away at him). the cruel irony of it all really (or silvery... heh.. metal...)

as a result of being burned by the holy water, erik would wear his helmet more often- at least until he feeds off enough humans to regenerate the damaged tissue (note: only human blood can restore holy-artifact-induced wounds, which means charles won't regain the use of his legs because of his refusal to consume human blood)

either way, once she and charles escape erik and relocate, moira stays with him for some time- at least long enough for charles to get used to his new way of life without his legs and figure out what they should do next, maybe two-three years. eventually, charles and moira agree it might be safer to work apart from each other and effectively split. probably leads to charles moving to america to keep an eye on vampires on the other side of the globe while moira keeps an eye on europe

after the encounter with moira and charles, erik becomes more active and now seeks out other vampires (or humans to turn into vampires), fully intending on converting the world to become a vampire's (and hell why not monsters in general) paradise

Things to iron out

the difference between animal and human blood

Whats the benefit to drinking human blood: is it tastier? More nutritious? Evidently its restorative properties are more potent for vampires than animal blood

Maybe more animal blood is needed to supplement human blood (i.e. one human may need the blood of- say- five pigs or something yk what i mean)

Maybe its possible for a vampire to live off animals only, it’d just be more difficult and they might not be as physically strong as vampires who feed off humans

Would they eventually cave into craving human blood? Is it a conscious effort to Not feed off humans? Curious….

Perhaps moira tests the effects of human vs animal blood on charles, offering blood from her arm both directly from her and extracted first to then drink. He cant argue its wrong if she’s offering for science no…. Its For Science Charles its ok…

Another thing i want to solidify is time period: on one hand i wanna do this modern-ish period but im also thinkin bout the 14th century…. Shrug i still have a lot of finer details In General ill work out with myself. For now it’ll prob remain around 1700’s-1900’s

A final minor thing i wanna work on is erik’s ‘real’ name and his name situation in general, mostly how magda knew him. Maybe changes his name to ‘erik lehnsherr’ after the eisenhardt incident, and goes by ‘magnus’ after magda, her knowing him as ‘erik’ while charles mostly knows him as ‘magnus’. ‘Count magnus’…. Hm…. Dunno if i wanna reintroduce ‘magneto’ into this or not …… ill figure it out at some point …

Perhaps other vampires and dhampirs saying his real name doesn’t negatively affect him and it’s strictly only if humans/non-vampires say it

[asheepinfrance]

tashisita. tash tash. miss dunc dunc. the duncanator. tashi washi bobashi banana fana fofashi. i love her so bad. i hope this came out alright because ive been putting off writing this for maybe?? a week. so. yeah. it's been busy lately but also im just lazy so you choose what actually kept me from posting anything of substance... The Substance (2024). im gonna stop doing this now. hope you enjoy <3 as always yada yada comments and critiques appreciated blah blah i love you.

Had you taken the time to grow up faster, maybe your timing wouldn’t be so bad. You’d been too busy enjoying the sweet, innocent moments of childhood to grapple with your pending adulthood, or at least your first steps into it. College: the one thing that had been both at the forefront of your mind and desperately pushed to the wayside. If you can’t see it, it can’t see you. The process of applying was a blur, but Tashi had helped you out, and you do remember those parts. You remembered all the movie breaks, the nights smoking haphazardly rolled joints out of her bedroom window and panicking every time you heard her parents’ footsteps in the hall, you remember each night you’d spend hours whispering and giggling into each other’s faces and each time your bare leg would touch hers it just made you laugh more. Those times still felt like clinging onto childhood, those times still felt like being young enough not to worry about anything outside of the four walls of your bedroom, still painted the pale pink you’d chosen when you were four. You can’t change it now, or you lose that safety blanket of still having a piece left of little you. Perhaps that’s what was so unfortunate about the whole situation: Tashi was what kept you from growing up, and now that you’re about to leave, you’re grown enough to realize there’s something there you’d never wanted to acknowledge.

Everyone thinks Tashi is gorgeous, because she is. You’d never thought much of it when the thought crossed your mind. And, sure, that time in middle school spent using one another as kissing practice creeps up on you at night, when there’s an uncomfortable heat in your body that nothing seems to be fixing. You were teenagers then, just barely, inexperienced and using far too much tongue. Sloppy, to be blunt. It’s still the best kiss you’ve ever had. But none of this meant anything unless you let yourself think it did. So it meant nothing, until today. Until a day before Tashi goes to Stanford, and she’s ripped out of the grasp you didn’t know was as tight as it is. If you didn’t find something to make you laugh, you’d most certainly cry, and Tashi was never one for tears, so you made an arrangement. You’re pressed shoulder to shoulder on the bed you still sleep in for the next few days, watching some movie that you hadn’t watched since the 7th grade. It isn’t very good now that you both can think more critically than finding the actors attractive. She’d always found the teenage boy with the blue eyes adorable, you’d always found his girlfriend more interesting.

There’s nothing more interesting happening on screen than there is right beside you. A living, breathing girl who holds every piece of your heart in her hands, whether she knows it or not. You hadn’t even be aware until just now, but it’s not new. She’s had you since the moment you’d met her, just the way she caught everyone. She kept you, though, and that’s not a common privilege. You can live with never being loved by her if you get to keep the knowledge that for one time you were hers. She’s too perceptive not to feel your eyes on her, because she’s always been too much of everything that she has. You know she feels you listening to the sound of her breathing like it’s the world’s most beautiful symphony, she can see that you’re letting your eyes walk the leisurely path of her cheeks, climb the steep mountain of her nose, just to reunite with hers. You, however, aren’t perceptive enough to know that she revels in it.

Tashi found you confusing, despite understanding you so well. It’s not that she didn’t understand you, because she could probably write out your exact internal monologue if all she received was a sidelong glance, she didn’t understand why you do to her what you do. Was it your unending loyalty, like a dog to its owner? Was it the way you sought her out in every crowd, even if you could hold your own without her? Was it that you seem to be the only person who expects nothing of her but a friend? Maybe it was all of those things. Or, maybe, it was none of them. Maybe it was just that you are you, that you always have been you, despite the changes made. And she loves you like she thought she never could love anyone. She loves you the way she loves tennis: like you set everything in her on fire and make her bend and sway like a melting candle. It’s fine when it’s tennis. Tennis is set by rules, ones which she has an expert grasp on, and commands with ease. With you, it’s terrifying. She can’t predict the way you make her feel because it’s different. It’s new. It’s something that makes her fiddle with the cross around her neck at night, staring at her ceiling, because all she can think about is you, you, you. You when you borrowed her dress for a party and wore it better than she ever could, you when you curled into her in sleep, you when you floated through a room like your feet never needed to make contact with the ground. Effortless in all that you do, is what she thinks. You feel so deeply, and hold things so tenderly, and she’d rather never play tennis again than never experience the depths of you the way she wants to. 

She tells you she loves you, like she has a million times over. You respond the same way you have since middle school, a whispered reciprocation of sentiments. And she aches, she melts, you never stop watching her with utter fascination. She’s loved you for a long time, of course, because that’s what best friends do. She’s been in love with you since you first let her be herself, and not what tennis needs her to be: a teenage girl. She waits for the gears to start turning in your head, for that light in your eyes to shift to one of pensiveness. Tashi has never been one to wait for anything. She grabs opportunity by the hair and pulls it towards her. She doesn’t bask in glory, just moves on to the next conquest. But she waits for you. She’ll wait until her hair is gray and the smooth planes of your face have aged with time, and she’d love you just the same. It hurts to wait so long, but she likes it. She likes that ache to remind her she can feel, to remind her that this is a sacrifice worth making. Beauty is pain, and what you have, what you could have, is beautiful. It’s only right it should burn her a bit. 

You do realize, though. You realize, and convince yourself you’re wrong, and realize all over again. You take in that sweet, all-knowing gaze of hers and it’s still true that if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Cry big, happy tears that run off your face and into your lap. Maybe she’d wipe them for you. But you choose to laugh. You laugh, untamed and free, raucous and unabashed, and the most beautiful thing Tashi has ever heard. That sound alone could pull her from sleep, send her into a trance. She’d do anything you asked if it meant hearing that again. She could go deaf and be satisfied with all she’s heard, blind because she’s seen all the beauty the world can offer, and it’s wrapped up into one tangible human being. A human being who’s now cupping her face in their palms and breathing in her scent and kissing her like she’d only ever been kissed in middle school. It’s more practiced and controlled now, with the two of you having gained experience through the years. It feels the same. It feels better. It feels like pulling gasps and sighs from each other’s mouths with the brush of a tongue or the caress of a thumb. Timing is bad, sure, now that there’s less time to explore this in person, but you’ve got tonight. You’ve got enough time to familiarize with each other’s bodies the way you have each other’s souls, to kiss one another breathless, to make your hearts beat in time. You can worry about the final things to pack, or the movie you were never really watching’s ending some other time. Right now, it’s Tashi. Tashi and the freedom of letting yourself be who you are, with who you want to be yourself with, without the fear of being judged for it.

[thetadispatcher]

Vincent glanced at the remaining stranger in the room, deciding she likely wasn't going to do anything, and even if she did Dan was close enough to put a quick end to it.

So the AP700 allowed himself to relax and put more of his focus on watching the other android work, he'd rather concentrate on that then any thoughts that might pop into his head, as they never seemed to go anywhere good.

Hugh could easily guess Nines was already picking apart the human at the table, even if the RK900 showed no change in demeanor. It was just something the android did to new people.

"Maybe, but she is keeping Sixty occupied at the moment, which is perfectly fine with me." Nines would rather have someone keeping Sixty busy as the RK800 always seemed to like following him around, something he didn't much enjoy due to Sixty feeling the need to talk about random subjects he could care less about.

John shifted his attention from Nines to Bishop at the remark about military units. "Well, Hugh is the one who has to call you out, not me. He was built purely for combat, hence his much larger body. I was built to handle tasks given to Navy Seals, so I am capable of interrogation if need be." The android explained as Nines swapped seats with Hugh.

"I am a prototype called a Myrmidon, and Hugh is the other prototype called the Trojan." He motioned to the larger android as he took a seat back on the floor.

"I...suppose that's true." Strasky went silent as he felt he needed time to think, and he really didn't have much else he felt he needed to say, at least on the current subject.

He shifted his attention to Sixty who seemed unbothered by the subject they'd been discussing, if anything he felt the android had just tuned them out and was off in his own little world.

He had a feeling the RK800 would join them if they discussed something else, but he really didn't know what else to talk about, or even what Sixty would like talking about. The android hadn't dropped any hints at his personal preferences, and he seemed to like jumping into discussions rather then starting them. So Strasky decided he'd leave the android to his own devices for the time being, they really didn't need Sixty's help with anything anyways.

"Maybe, it's hard for me to say if they will." Dan may have seen the interactions Strasky had with his coworkers, but he wasn't about to judge them based on that alone. He'd been around enough humans to know some could lie and act very well, without any thought as to how it might affect someone if they found out.

"Does she listen in on your conversations a lo-AH!" Dan cut himself off with a startled yell as he turned his head, finally catching sight of the android that had walked up behind him. The PL600 promptly punched through the basement wall, barely stopping himself from hitting his intended target.

The android seemed unbothered as he stood patiently, looking expectantly at Dan.

Dan jerked his arm free of the wall as his LED started flashing yellow, quickly answering the androids contacting him that everything was fine and no one had been hurt. "I-god damn it-hi..." He turned his focus to the other android, looking mildly annoyed as he took the notepad from the other unit to write on it, then handed it back.

He watched the other android nod then hurry off happily, shaking his head with a sigh before looking at the hole he'd punched through the brickwork. "Sorry about that." He apologized as he turned back to Rook. "That can be fixed, it's...fine, I guess. Not the first time I've caused property damage, and definitely won't be the last." Usually the damage was just Dan ripping off doors, but maybe the construction androids would be happy to know they didn't have to fix another door.

The android seemed satisfied nonetheless. He wasn't a master at conversation either and was fine as long as Vincent gave him enough to understand what he meant.

If he was comfortable with just a few words, Vincent could also get there eventually and it'd be fine.

Now he just had to not mess this design up.

Bishop only slightly nodded at the explanation. He still had to keep up the facade to not let himself get away.

"Very well. Although, in the future, you should go after the pink cyborg that came along with us. She might provide a fairer challenge."

Or she would cheat by messing with Nines' circuits, which was just fine with him as well.

"Though I take it military models aren’t that well trained to handle interrogations."

He might as well throw in a little jab at John as well.

"Let’s not worry about the details now. What matters is that you keep trying and remind yourself that there are people who like you exactly the way you are." Willow replied, before tilting her head slightly, "You escaped the WAU. It'd be a shame if you'd now be lost to those doubts that are tormenting you."

With that, she went back to browsing the plushies.

"It's good you're telling me these things. I've got my phone here, Willow's probably listening too." Rook said, "At least now I know I'm not the problem. I guess figuring this out will be the next step once his friends are sorted out. Maybe they'll finally return the favor and take care of the guy who erased himself to worry about their problems instead."

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

could u recommend me some marauders fics?

I was in the fandom for a month like a few years back, but i had somehow stumbled upon the most toxic part of the community..and got scared away immediately.

Ive got some prejudice, but i really want to give it another chance after the enthusiasm i saw in your blog ;)

totallyyyyyyyy

(im sorry but im lazy to link them but um they're all on ao3.. also fair warning im a bit biased cuz these r some of my own personal favs.. at least among the ones i can actually remember lmao) (also i didn't include atyd cuz i figured if u were looking for marauders fics, that one was prolly the first one anyone mentioned to u..)

the cadence of part-time poets - motswolo

wolfstar (remus/sirius) centric. muggle band au. the ocs own my heart, especially tonya<33 also remus & marlene's friendship in this is so ugh<333 plus i love how the writer characterized remus in this one (i've been so sick of reading that whole angry alpha remus stuff so this was a welcome change)

alice, look at me - rollercoasterwords

14-15k words of just FULLY nobleflower (alice/narcissa) centric canon-compliant. angst. lovely<3

the hand that feeds - rollercoasterwords

dorlene (dorcas/marlene) centric 23k longfic. again, lots of angst, i.e., the lesbians gotta die :( there's an emmary (emmeline/mary) fic in the same series.

heroes in the seaweed - rollercoasterwords

(yes im in love with this person's writing) this one's about mary macdonald's time at hogwarts. with marylene (mary/marlene). oneshot.

as the worm moon dies - rollercoasterwords

this one's really interesting.. it's sorta set in the canon universe except no... it changed a couple major aspects of the history but the universe's mechanisms (the magic, the creatures, etc) are the same.. wolfstar centric. but there's a few interlude chapters with other characters' povs too. the most recent one with lily made me sob :(( the mcs (remus, sirius, james, lily, reg) are all in their mid-late 20s ig. horcrux hunt with james being the harry equivalent, i.e., the chosen one of the prophecy. discusses quite a few heavy themes so mind the tags..

dear moony - barneylove

muggle boarding school au. mainly focuses on the friendship and found family aspect. sirius centric, especially with his family (parents, cousins, brother). all the characters are incredibly fleshed out. this is year 1-3. the author is gonna write the rest of the years in another work. it's part of a whole series of various other works set in the same universe. very very wholesome and fluffy and hurt/comfort with emphasis on the comfort. maybe feels a bit unrealistic with how harsh the real world but it seems intentional

seasons in desire - dykesiriusblack

a dorlene oneshot i love very very much<33 tis incredibly poetic

maroon - arakhnee

a marylily (mary/lily) oneshot i like the vibe of very much

if we survive the great war - arakhnee

another oneshot by the same author whose vibe i just really enjoyed<3 pandalily during the war. tw: infidelity im pretty sure

shooting stars, falling objects - nyx_21

prongsfoot (james/sirius) centric. ongoing work. basically sirius died just before graduating from hogwarts.. except he didn't, he was taken.. and he's found again. but he has memory loss.. yeah it's cool. divorced jily (james/lily) & adorable toddler harry.

im really sorry but these are the only ones i remember off of the top of my head (if u hate them all pls just never tell me because i will not be able to handle that)

[loveletterworm]

Cool game where you pick up flashlights off the ground in the dark until you're holding too many flashlights at which point trying to pick up more will make an unfitting cartoon boing sound effect that I had laying around in my downloads folder

[icewindandboringhorror]

January 2025 moodboard

[emblemxeno]

I can see the argument there and I appreciate the perspective, but to me that's just it. Byleth has gotten the blessing of retrospective.

By association with 3H, Byleth gets any valid complaints softened or outright shut out. 3H was a critical and commercial success and lacked prominent controversy beyond the factionism discourse, so many of Byleth's issues are handled with kid gloves compared to other characters.

Byleth having the problems that Corrin got flamed for are ignored because the rest of the 3H cast overshadows that, despite him still being the main character. His mere presence still heavily dictates the course of an entire continent, despite being a mercenary-turned-professor all through happenstance and "the flow of time", having no agency yet still holding all the power in the world.

Even with Byleth's trailer and reveal for Smash being the most critically panned one in that series' history, people will still say "oh but he's better than Corrin though" and prefer to keep Byleth in spite of lack of defining traits beyond the 'distance demon' moniker for his disjointed hitbox + slow frame data combo which was pretty quickly eclipsed by Sephiroth a year later. And the only reason given is "oh because 3H was a success and the best selling FE game" which, idk, maybe I'm being a petty cunt about it, but if that were the primary metric of who deserves to stay or get in Smash, then most of the Smash roster would look completetly different (Ike wouldn't have been in the game period, at least not in Smash 4).

For my last part, I'll acquiesce and say that yes Byleth does have semblance of a personality, but the delivery of it is so remarkably undercooked to me. I think most can agree that, despite never being confirmed directly, the devs were trying to emulate Persona protags with Byleth and some of the game's structure. But what makes the Persona protags so memorable is that despite being silent, they are very personable, charming, stylish, and cool within both gameplay and story. They have unique looks, animations, whole entire non-combat statlines dedicated to rizzing up other characters, and that feeds back into the gameplay loop of using a fuckton of cool Personas.

Byleth uses the same animations as the rest of 3H's cast and has extremely barebones (and at times, barely different) dialogue choices. They have a style, but F!Byleth's is kind of a mess, and M!Byleth's still doesn't detract from the blank face and lack of emoting. And while Byleth's competent, they aren't doing anything show stopping that other main characters haven't done in the past, and their in story power up, while impressive given that they cut a hole in the sky, only amounts to a hair and eye change and new threads, something that was done in Awakening, and arguably as early as Gaiden.

When I compare that to Corrin, I can admit that a lot of it is bias because Fates is one of my fav FE games while 3H is the only one I dislike, but even then, I just look at introductory defining scenes. Corrin's early big moment is risking his life to protect hostages of an enemy nation, even fighting back against his brother who has been ordered to kill him. Byleth's big defining moment is almost getting his shit kicked in by a bandit before turning back time thanks to Sothis, and then the game informing the player he makes a good teacher over time until the war starts.

Ultimately, they are different characters, and Byleth's role is very advisory which is fitting for a teacher, but he's still the main character in the game, yet things happen around him rather than as a result of him despite the game treating it as the opposite.

Sorry for the mismatched rant, it's just something I can't put into clear words.

It's 5am where I am so I'm no doubt gonna regret posting meaningless whining about my favs compared to other characters when I wake up but rn who tf cares

I'm still incensed under the surface about how Byleth gets a better reception than Corrin, and how Corrin specifically is represented in a grand scheme of the FE franchise, mostly with Heroes.

"Corrin gets positions and authority when he doesn't deserve it!" then silence for Byleth when he gets a teaching position, and later either the archbishop spot or outright becomes king of an entire continent.

"Corrin's dragon powers aren't used in the plot enough!" Byleth's powers are only ever plot device fodder, are mechanically indistinct from other FE protag powers before and after him, and have terrible ludonarrative applications.

"Too many people worship Corrin!" About 70% of the cast's morality when defecting from their home (and sometimes partaking in harming it) is dictated by Byleth having enough tea parties with them, after being enrolled in a job he wasn't qualified for

"Corrin's character and personality is bad" Byleth doesn't even have one, he's just a dialogoue choice generator

"Corrin is the worst FE rep in Smash, had the worst trailer, and is representative of FE having imbalanced representation" FE has a clone/Echo fighter problem and consolidating Roy, Lucina and Chrom into Marth as alt skins a la Bowser Jr. would auto fix that controversy given the Smash community's "if I don't see it, it doesn't exist" approach to character slots; there is no universe where a trailer showcasing one of the worst villains in 3H-and the FE series as a whole-is better than even the cringiest lines in Corrin's trailer; there is more unique properties and applications just in Corrin's side special than there is in Byleth's entire kit, which was really a mish-mash of different Smash archetypes, inlcuding ones other FE characters covered. Not to mention the fucking PNG Sothis Final Smash with the embarassing lip flaps, jesus.

Every problem that Corrin is accused of having, Byleth does it worse. Every problem that Byleth gets jabbed with, eventually gets redirected back to Corrin for "starting it."

And it's seen as justified, because why? Well, 3H is a "better" game of course! After all, it's the best selling one! If it sold that much and was so well received that means it must have done everything exponentially better than Fates did! (ignore the fact that Fates was the best selling game in the series before 3H please). Why wouldn't Byleth simply be objectively, immutably better than Corrin in every metric going by this logic?

And, like always, CYL is gonna reaffirm this again for everyone. Cuz why wouldn't Byleth get so many votes last year despite him getting a great Christmas alt just the month before? He deserves it after the female version already won after all! And why wouldn't he win this year when he's guaranteed an Emblem alt in the future, and most likely to be on one of Valentine's, Children, or Wedding banners?

It made sense for the Robins to win one after the other cuz they're cool and awesome and not weak and annoying, so it makes sense for Byleth too!

Why would Corrin get this "it's his turn treatment" when he's not a good character and the female version only won because everyone knows she's just dumb fetish bait 🤪🤪🤪/s

It's just... so infuriatingly transparent. Even Male Alear isn't hit with this quite as hard tbh, because at worst he had half the votes Female Alear did, whereas M!Corrin at best had barely over a third of F!Corrin. And that only fuels my perspective on how M!Corrin, for all his alts, always feels like his presence is treated compulsory and obligated, and F!Corrin is always sold with "she's hot, who cares" in mind.

FE fans made it clear that Corrin's character was hated, so the solution became to sell the Fem one for horny whales, and have the Male one just slightly behind in numbers to keep up the illusion of fairness (while always making him inferior in gameplay).

All that just for Byleth, a non-character, to get every excuse and love from a fandom that hated Corrin for the same issues he has. Crazy.

[minty-bunni]

I can't find the right words to explain it right now, but I honestly think that Astarion would calm down about his hunger for power if given time in a safe and supportive environment.

He specifically references never having to fear Cazador (or anyone if he ascends) again when it gets to the point where he decides on whether to stay a spawn or not and that sort of feeling and behavior isn't exactly uncommon among abuse victims? If given a chance to actually realize he is safe, that Cazador is gone, and that no one will be Cazador version 2.0, those thoughts would likely lessen. Maybe not totally go away, but he probably wouldn't actually consider sacrificing 7000 souls to ensure his safety.

He is upset, not in a good mental state, and still learning that people care for him and that he will never have to go through Cazador's torture ever again. He wants power over people like Cazador had power over him in order to make sure no one could (or would even try to) force him back into the hell he just escaped from.

And this is just one of the reasons I think he is good representation. He shows some of the ugly of recovering from an abusive situation that some victims experience.

[pikachu-deluxe]

got like 1200 ish lines of code for a thing in like 2 hours yippeee

it's a thing to make it easier to modify stuff for mario kart 64 it'll make my life 1000x easier i just have to enter a few numbers in and out comes a file i can apply to the game with some other program instead of having to copy and paste stuff for like half an hour to an hour every time i want to make changes

a game changer you could say *gets dragged away by the neck like a cat*

[wawek]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

[kavehayati]

I’ve been teaching my sister how to play Genshin for some of the past hours today and I hope she quits bc now I feel really guilty about it I don’t want her to waste all her time on it and Im thinking abt why she even wanted to start the game and now I feel even more horrible bc of some reasons that I kinda feel guilty explaining

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.

[orcelito]

Actually that's kind of funny. I now have it in my brain that Of Course I'll be perfectly fine, financially. This is of course assuming that everything goes fine with me graduating and then getting my IT job. But things would have to go Very Wrong for that to not work out, so??? Yeah idk.

[medicinemane]

One issue I have is there's a whole lot of things where it's like "I'm actually nearly on your side, I'm very sympathetic to this, I just need one or two issues addressed and then I'd be with you on this... you just have to kinda... walk me through how this thing that feels like a kinda big problem isn't a problem"

And pretty much always it's just kinda like "oh, well it's not a problem, so don't worry about it"

...mhh... yeah... but I need some actual proof. I want to trust you, but I need something that actually deals with it, not to just basically be told to have faith... I have no faith, I'm a faithless person

And it's such a shame cause... instead of being able to work along side people I tend to hover off to the side trying to support it in my own small ineffective ways cause... I just have serious issues no one's ever bothered to address

Just sucks, you know?