#at the very least. maybe i can be a change in the world for Some people. even if it's as small as buying someone a dvd theyve been wanting.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Can I request headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, and Halsin celebrating his gn s/o's birthday please?

Astarion

In truth, Astarion has never celebrated a birthday before; or at least one he can remember in the past 200 years.

He of course knows about birthdays and what people usually do. Celebrations at the local taverns on such occasions were easy to pick off just…not the guest of honor. Astarion felt that would be tacky.

His gift would be something small. Memorable. A ring or necklace his love would always wear to think of him. And seeing them wear it make Astarion feel like he in turn finally has something of his own. Ending with a night of passion which, for once, he truly deeply means. Sweet words and all.

Gale

Gale would be planning for your birthday for months. Either in secret, or an attempt at keeping a secret because he’s just so excited.

He creates a new version of his Starlight incantation. One that is more reminiscent of their current living arrangements, but with hints of the forest where he first professed his love for them. A blend of the old and the new, to remember their past & look forward to the future, he said.

Besides the illusions, Gale makes them a very real dinner of their favorite meal and a cake to rival even some of the finest bakers in the Gate or the Deep. He also gives them a journal, hoping that it will be a comfort to them to write down their thoughts but also one day help with the novel on their adventures he’s going to write.

Wyll

Despite not celebrating many birthdays in recent years, Wyll actually loves them. He is of the opinion that every year, surviving, growing, and moving on in the world, should be celebrated.

The day would be spent more for quality time. Taking a (hopefully) peaceful walk. Maybe a little hunting for dinner, if they can’t find a tavern on the way. Gazing up at the stars as night falls, with Wyll pointing out his favorite constellations that are only visible this time of year (and therefore must be a gift for them from the gods themselves).

His gift would be a small blade he had fashioned for them. Naming it ‘the Protector of the Blade’s Heart’ since they are Wyll’s heart and this will protect them. They also get the finest rendition of ‘happy birthday’ an aspiring bard turned adventure his lungs can handle.

+Ascended!Astarion

Once he finds out when their birthday is, never really having asked before as it was of no interest to him until now, Astarion makes great effort to have it be the most memorable birthday ever. Everyone should be celebrating when his consort graced the universe with their beauty, and they should have a party that would dwarf all others in their past; now that they are at his side.

He throws a grand ball every year. Themed, perfectly executed, nobles & dark affiliates from all over come to pay tribute to them across Faerun.

It wasn’t until year’s later that they realize that the date had slowly changed from their birthday to their ‘new birthday’. The day they became a vampire.

First where there was one party, then two, now there is only one again for the new date.

Astarion insists, at first, that it’s just a fluke of scheduling. Too many meetings with his dark horde or aristocracy to make it work. Suddenly they are traveling during their birthday and can’t do the party.

Eventually, Astarion admits that your original birthday is pointless. “Why do you need to remember that when you have been reborn with this new life, my treasure?” And thus Astarion had successfully changed your birthday to your deathday, as it were.

[kseniyagreen]

And no one in the world can see through you...

I think one of the most important and acute themes of the drama is the desire to be seen, to be real for someone. The desire is so greedy and desperate that many heroes are ready to die for it.

Because without this feeling of being seen and understood, they feel like they are in an endless dream. Not so real. And for the opportunity to become real, they are ready to pay with pain and life.

Ying Lei and Bai Jiu both died trying to do something meaningful for their special person. Striving to be the one who changes something - himself, alone. And maybe that's why they were so reckless.

Li Lun sacrificed his immortal existence to become a real man for one day - the man Zhao Yuanzhou will not forget.

The bird goddess understands that this Fei is not real - and understanding this, she kind of see the real Fei in her heart.

And therefore she feels it as if they are finally together.

This is a desperate, beautiful but painful desire to have someone who sees you and whom you see, someone who will illuminate the darkness of your loneliness, especially acute and painful for those who are used to feeling like an "anomaly".

The drama also raises the social aspect - about how anomalies are not accepted by society, are seen distortedly and falsely, and this experience of social invisibility makes the desire to find someone who will see and understand the real you even stronger - sometimes dangerous and even destructive.

All the characters are in some sense are dreamers in a dream and puppets in a play.

And in this play you can go beyond the given role, show a glimmer of your true self only at the moment when your role ends. And every hero here dies looking at the one for whom they wants to become real most of all.

This interestingly reflects the fact that under censorship, a lot can only be shown at the cost of the hero's death. Like queer couples in censored dramas, they usually die in the finale (at least one of them). Antiheroes who reject the laws of this world's also usually assert their right for sympathy with a selfless death.

But in reality, a person asserts themself and finds understanding not through death, but through life. It is not the final sacrifice, but the path traveled that matters.

And this is where I see the meaning of Zhao Yuanzhou's path.

He could have died in the middle of the story - and the villain would not have received his power, and the world might not have needed to be saved.

But then ZYZ would have died unrecognized and misunderstood, lonely.

But thanks to the path traveled, he finds someone who sees him, who understands him, who loves him and makes him real.

And for Zhuo Yichen, this is no less important - for someone who was afraid of his dreams and therefore lived as if in a dream, for someone who was afraid of that unconscious part of himself. And therefore, diligently fulfilling his social role, he did not get close to anyone.

But the more alive and real they become together, the tighter the web of fate becomes. As if resisting their desire to be together.

And yet I would like to think that this desire and their mutual reality turns out to be stronger than the tragic scenario.

Like at the moment when Zhuo Yichen was supposed to die together with the villain, but did not die because the Zhao Yuanzhou's spell "recognized" him.

This desire to stretch the thread of connection through all obstacles, barriers and through death itself is very tangible in the way they're holding hands.

And this courage not to let go even when it seems the universe itself is separating you plays a key role in the finale.

"I recognize only the principles of my heart," says Li Lun.

And I like to think that along with his power, he passed on to Zhuo Yichen a part of his rebellious spirit and gave Yichen the courage to resist fate.

Yichen too manages to save part of Yuanzhou's soul because he knows that soul truly. They manage to pull this theme of mutual recognition into a situation as far away from an act of love as possible.

This "I knew you would do this" "and I knew you would do this, and that's why I do something else" and "you're still so..." - as both recognition of "it's you" and surprise and recognition anew.

They are both tied with ropes to their roles, like puppets of a demon who fulfills wishes. But they see each other beyond these roles. And with his final act, Zhuo Yichen seems to connect their destinies beyond the boundary where their roles end.

Zhao Yuanzhou had to fulfill his role as a sacred sacrifice and leave. Zhuo Yichen had to fulfill his role as an instrument on which Yuanzhou would make his sacrifice. But Yichen, taking on an active role in a situation of impossible choice, goes beyond the role of an instrument - and thanks to this, he can do what does not fit into this role.

Save Zhao Yuanzhou's life and connect their fates beyond the fulfillment of the prophecy.

And now they're both free.

[mythalism]

i'm back in the building.

i'm still on my first playthrough, slogging through it but i think i realized what it is about this game that feels more like a chore than an actual gaming experience. i talked about the cinematics and like that's a whole thing i have beef with in the world where we have mocap and also just genuinely amazing technology for animation development but WHATEVERRR.

as a person who enjoys story games even without creating my oc, like red dead 2, the witcher series, the reason i find veilguard lacking is that rook is neither an every man character (ala hawke & shepherd 🩷) nor are they an empty enough canvas to fill in (ala hof, inq, tarnished in elden ring) it kinda feels that even as a player you have to suspend disbelief for your own character.

like for example in the witcher, all of geralt's choices cross over through three games and really you can dress him & comb him how you like but the choices are story related and you can still find satisfaction in them. same with red dead 2 and arthur where the game is more rigid storywise but still, you can unlock two endings depending on how you approach arthur's personality as a person.

and the crux of the issue is rook is not a person. they are in every way, a video game character. the infantile gameplay (left off from the mmo no doubt with no tactical view, quest summaries, limited "loot" boxes, no interaction with fauna, no actual crafting just upgrading) the juvenile writing / "storytelling" (telling fans to interpret the plot however they want, trick saying it's possible the evanuris aren't even all gone which renders the entire game pointless if we did all that and elgar'nan is in turkey getting new veneers fitted.) the fact that rook is basically woe. storyline be upon ye. (taash's identity being chosen for them ???, telling either low app, high app, or rom inq what to do w solas and yes the dialogue option of yay let's save him! also exists w low app inq?? which is to say to stop solas isn't the same as having low app but they didn't even let players choose that lol you can still change inq's mind)

like the whole game is an mmo without the multiplayer aspect. the storyline is loosey goosey because well most multiplayers are bc they go through rancid updates and additions (fallout 84 comes to mind specifically, and considering how badly that flopped idk how bioware saw the reception and went yay!!!!! lets do that!!!) and all your companions prefer to interact w each other than you because well. yeah. you're a player. you're not playing a character, you're basically playing yourself or at the very least a very conceptual idea of yourself in this fantasy realm.

anyway i have a nuke enroute to ea's HQ. that's all 🙂‍↕️

i just read this like an old man reading the morning paper, sipping coffee and nodding along like 🙂‍↕️ mhm mhm 🙂‍↕️ 🙂‍↕️

i completely agree with all of this and it really clicked for me how much the multiplayer bones of the game impacted the story and choice specifically. like obviously ive known about the multiplayer foundations for like 5 years and how it’s sooooo clear in the gameplay but this just made it click for me that it’s literally to blame for the story too… of course none of the choices are truly significant. multiplayer games fundamentally cannot have significant choice that affects the world because not everyone will make the same choice. the only MMO I’m super familiar with is ESO and when i think of the choices you’re allowed to make in that game versus what you’re allowed to do in veilguard…. yeah. they’re both shallow, and usually only cosmetic. it makes sense to me that the choice like minrathous vs treviso is pretty much just cosmetic, and then it takes content away instead of adding something new. the companion choices seem to really only manifest in some new banter? except for maybe emmrich? like it’s so clear that they had this multiplayer foundation, which is mutually exclusive with meaningful player choice, and then were told to build a single player RPG on top. it was literally an impossible ask.

also hard agree on everything you said about rook. i literally hate rook LMFAO they are so nothing - like a voice acted MMO character… i do want to play the game a second time but i want to play a veil jumper elf and genuinely the fact that my dalish elf character would have the dread wolf in her back pocket and just never ask him a single fucking question on anything that she and her entire culture have devoted their lives to figuring out and learning is so fucking infuriating I cannot stand to put myself through it

[flightyalrighty]

i love infested so much, i don't understand the hate at all. my only "complaint" is that i found it and got hooked and reached the most current page so quickly and now im always anxiously anticipating the next!! it's too good and i need to read more! it's a nice feeling though honestly, we're so used to content dumps on streaming platforms that waiting for updates is a feeling many have forgotten. it's exciting when new pages drop! i love it so far and can't wait to see where it goes!

It's definitely wild to be running a webcomic in the age of binge-watching, and the attitude of some people, the impatience that some seem to have, can possibly be traced to that whole thing.

It's like, Certain People have absolutely shown that they're not used to waiting, like, at all to me just going off of some of the more obnoxious asks I've gotten. The amount of times people have just outright asked me to spoil my comic is more than I have fingers on my hands. At the very least for the folks who don't wanna wait, that's what the ko-fi membership thing satisfies. Script pages are so much easier to churn out than comic pages, so my Ascended tiers are fed well.

I don't let those weirdos telling me to change my story get to me. I'm making something that I wanna make, and I'm happy that a whole lot of you folks wanna come along for the ride. If they're so scared of meaningful conflict they can just play Lost World over and over and over again. Maybe that'll satisfy them.

[perfectlyvalid49]

There is a difference between disrespected and being uncomfy and I appreciate your ability to at least see the nuance.

If you looked at the “show more” tab on the quotation link, it would have given you more options but I didn’t think I needed to explain that 🙃 The semantics of things seems silly after a point but I think we’re both still coming at a place of valid intention.

Similarly to some of my arguments it feels like you still neglect that history is full of things older and outside of the Jewish tradition (like Zoroastrianism, Phoenician/Canaanite tribes that were largely wiped out BECAUSE of tribal conflict that included a WIDE array of Jewish people up until, if I’m not mistaken, basically Babylon and even some of the literature around Ur and the Nile from how human became sentient has some oddly universal stories (forbidden fruit, the allegorical nature of the stars, the fall of man with Cain (farming) and Abel (hunter gatherer).

The point of this whole discussion stems from the argument from tradition which feels fallacious given how no one ACTUALLY claims anything after a certain point so why get your knickers in a twist to point out that, hey, maybe the nuance exists in ways that are legitimately concerning like why the IDF is systemically pulling fascist moves against Palestinians.

I appreciate your input nonetheless and think we largely agree, it’s just the gatekeeping piece that genuinely confuses me because it feels inherently oppressive to people who may think that the 40+ crowd who conveniently seem to be majority if not only men, get to dictate the narrative of how a specific religion operates, ESPECIALLY if that means *checks notes again* chopping a part of a baby’s dick off????

You're right, there is a difference between being disrespected and being un-comfy. I’m not un-comfy.

The “show more” tab under the famously inaccurate Google AI overview? Your argument for the reason that you can use quotes to paraphrase is that a hallucinating AI says so? I just want to be sure that’s your argument before I click the tab and check…

It still doesn’t say that. Like, that’s a bad argument because AI is not a valid counter to actual sources, but it’s also a bad argument because nothing in the link you gave actually said you could do what you did anyway. And then you tried to make me look foolish by implying that you need to explain to me that I just needed to click the “show more” tab. You might think we both have good intentions, but I am seriously doubting yours.

You’re shifting goalposts here. We started talking specifically about Jews and Jewish populations. I’m not neglecting the fact that history is full of things older than Judaism and outside of Judaism, they’re just simply not relevant to the specific conversation we’re having. And I’m not sure what you think I’m arguing from tradition, either. Unless you mean Jewish traditions themselves? I think it’s fair to say that our traditions are our traditions. If they need changing, that is for the Jewish community to decide amongst ourselves, not a conversation that you get to take part in.

I’m sorry you feel gatekept, but not everything in the world is available for you to take. Specifically closed religions, especially closed religions of minority groups, are not available to you. And I think this is a good thing. Jews are outnumbered on this planet 500 to one. If Judaism were an open religion, it would not be hard for a bunch of Christians to declare themselves Jewish, and then change Jewish practice to include Jesus. Like, to be very specific, there are more Evangelical Christian Zionists in the United States than there are Jews in the entire world. If they all declared themselves Jewish, but said they were keeping Jesus, the MAJORITY of Jews would be followers of Jesus. The gatekeeping is to ensure that changes to how we practice our religion and our culture come from us, and not overwhelming outside influences.

Circumcision is part of an important Jewish ritual. If Jews decide to stop observing that ritual, that decision needs to come from Jews, which you are not. Your opinion here simply doesn’t matter. I know that as a cultural Christian you need to feel centered in every conversation, but this one doesn’t involve you. In addition, the way you talk about what is really a beautiful ritual is disrespectful to the point of being dangerous. Christian obsession over circumcision has led to accusations of Jewish pedophilia and Jews doing satanic rituals with the collected foreskins, which have led to attacks against Jewish communities.

I’m sorry you’re not happy with your circumcision, though again, unless it was done as part of the Jewish tradition (and from what you said it seems like it wasn’t) then I’m not sure why you’re so hung up on Jews doing it. Why not start by advocating for non-Jews to stop doing it, as that seems like it would be more relevant to your personal trauma? Your obsession with the Jewish practice is antisemitic; you need to let it go.

[dr-hanwool]

Hanwool felt lighter than he had in years the more he and Rain interacted. The way they were talking right now made it seem as if they had known each other for years, the conversation and flirtations flowing easily from both sides. Both. Whatever Hanwool said to Rain, the escort was responding in kind, showing the doctor pieces of his personality. Rain portrayed himself with confidence, not afraid to swat his clients' wandering hands whenever they got too close, and shut down all kinds of suggestive talk. He had done it to Hanwool too, many times,. so the doctor very rarely got to see this side of the man. Almost playful, light-hearted, challenging.

The smile that barely showed on Rain's lips was evidence enough for Hanwool that the escort was enjoying himself. Whether or not he was doing so as part of the job, Hanwool didn't care because it was different than normal. It was progress. So, Hanwool continued with his pick-up lines, his smile growing when he saw how Rain was unable to hide his own. The younger man even chuckled, the sound soft but light, pleasant on the ears, indulging the doctor's flirting.

"Are you gonna use more cheesy pick-up lines to get my heart racing? Because I'm gonna tell you now, Khun, they're not working."

Hanwool took a little sip of his drink after hearing that, his eyes shining playfully as he gazed longingly at the man beside him. Rain claimed they weren't working, but Hanwool was sure they had some effect on him - the teasing, the flirting back, the smiling, the light laughter... all of that was proof. Maybe Rain's heart mightn't be racing as the escort so claimed, but Hanwool was sure that at the very least it was beating faster than normal, from the excitement and the freshness of a new experience between them.

There was a change in the atmosphere between them, when Hanwool forwent his flirting to instead assure the other of his honesty. About how he wanted Rain to know he wouldn't hurt him, that he wanted to earn his trust. Rain's reaction reflected the shift from playful to seriousness, if only for a moment. Then, the escort spoke again.

"That's your purpose. To save people. I admire that. But you can't save everyone, Doc."

Hanwool was silent for a moment, before he let out a singular, rough laugh. "Ha!" He exclaimed, shaking his head and instantly reaching for the alcohol. "Can't save everyone. Isn't that the sad truth of this world..." He mused, talking mostly to himself than to Rain, before downing whatever was left in the glass in one full swoop, letting it burn his throat. The doctor knew from his profession that Rain was right. Medically speaking, there were many cases that could not be solved successfully, no matter how hard Hanwool tried. He found himself internally agreeing. No, Hanwool supposed. He couldn't save everyone. There were many people he had failed, including the one person who should have mattered to him most. He hadn't saved Yeong.

But he could save Rain, in his place.

Hanwool put his glass down, not quite yet done with the alcohol for the night but not asking Rain to pour him anymore. The escort had asked him something, sliding in closer to the booth beside him, so close that if Hanwool reached out he would be able to touch him again. Feel that firm chest, that held his beating heart beneath.

"You still have a lot of time. And you paid extra. Anything else you want me to do for you? Anything you want me to call you? I guess it's your lucky night tonight."

"Hmm..." Hanwool hummed, tapping his fingers on the table as he contemplated Rain's request. His teasing smile returned and he leaned in closer, eyes shining anew. "You can call me yours."

He was joking, on the outside. Rain didn't need to know how serious he was on the inside.

"I'm kidding," Hanwool assured the other, lest he get swatted for his cheesy and outdated pick up lines again. He was already testing that with how close he was sitting to the escort, and how the hand he had been resting on the table was slowly inching its way towards Rain. "But... I would rather you not call me Khun, anymore. Could you instead call me Hyung?" A change in honorific might help further establish how close Hanwool had become to Rain, during the course of the month he had been visiting The Playroom.

"If all else fails, we could just go to the backroom." Hanwool teased again. It wouldn't be an escort service date with Rain without Hanwool fooling around about the two of them using the private rooms in the back, despite both of them knowing that was never going to happen. "Or... a kiss on the cheek?" He said playfully, tapping his cheek. He wondered if Rain, in his relaxed state, would actually do it this time. If not... ah, well. A love slap was also welcome.

Hanwool was delighted to see how Rain was responding to him at the moment, still as guarded as ever but more relaxed than he’d seen him before. It could be the alcohol, though they hadn’t drank too much - well, Hanwool had but he wasn’t near his threshold. He didn’t think he’d like this all to be happening if Rain was totally drunk, so he was glad the other was talking to him and still coherent.

As Rain poured him another drink of a different kind of rum, Hanwool contemplated the escorts question, about what he wanted from him. Companionship was definitely an answer - but Hanwool would be lying to himself and to Rain if that’s all he said. Rain’s body? Well, yeah. Hanwool desired that as well, superficially and selfishly, but that didn’t need to be said and would only serve to annoy this relaxed version of Rain. The escort might be indulging him, but he had a limit.

So then… what did Hanwool want?

A similar face to Rain’s crossed his mind. A wide smile, a hearty laugh. A brightness that was missing from the world, one that had lit up Hanwool’s life in the past. Did he want… a replacement? That wouldn’t be fair to Rain or Yeong.

Hanwool wanted… a second chance.

But there was no way he would tell this to Rain.

The conversation continued, with Rain asking Hanwool about his so-called “pick-up line”, drawing the doctor back into the present. He must have looked awfully eerie, staring into Rain’s face as he silently thought about how to answer the other’s question, which he still had not yet verbalised. “Oh? About your heart’s music?” Hanwool smiled. “That line was reserved for you. All of my lines are, actually, and even though you’re very good at resisting them I hope you don’t mind If I continue testing them out.” The doctor’s smile got wider, the bottom of his eyes crinkling with amusement. “Who knows? Maybe one of them will stick.” He teased, secretly waiting for that day to come.

Rain continued to give him attention, though it wavered for a moment when the escort got sight of the manager talking to one of the newer workers. Whatever he was concerned about was resolved quickly though, but Hanwool was curious as to the relationship Rain had with the younger man - actually, with two of them. The one that had brought the drinks over earlier was the same one who Hanwool saw hanging out with Rain outside of The Playroom. Were they all friends? Something more? Should Hanwool be worried about competition with clients and escorts when it came to wooing Rain??? He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case… Rain was gorgeous after all…

Hanwool resisted the urge to ask, saving it for another time. Now that he had Rain in a more open state - one where the other actually allowed him to touch and flirt - he didn't want to waste his questions and commentary on useless things. Rain had started speaking again, responding to Hanwool's comments about being unable to figure him out.

"I'm just a worker here, trying to make ends meet. And when I find myself in a situation with a weird client, I get nervous, too. And concerned. It's human nature. I'm sure you understand..."

Hanwool nodded, ignoring the comment about him being weird. He knew how he acted wasn't normal when it came to Rain.

"But... I think you're trying to analyze whether my chaotic heartbeat was caused by excitement or possibly fear."

The doctor's brows raised in amusement. "Yes, you're right." Hanwool told him, impressed that the other had been able to deduce that. Rain was indeed full of surprises tonight. It was like Hanwool was discovering more and more layers of the man, and he liked what he was seeing.

"It takes a lot to excite me."

"Is that a challenge?" Hanwool said, his voice playful, gaze briefly headed down Rain's body before settling back up on the other's pretty eyes. "Because if you give me time and the right tools, I could get you very excited."

Hanwool recalled the question the other had asked him earlier, the one he had been musing over. About what else he wanted from Rain, other than his heartbeat. "Rain... I think you know your heartbeat isn't all I want from you." Hanwool told the other, leaning forward. "For now, yes - that's all. But there's more. I'm worried that I tell you the answer, it'll scare you away," Hanwool drummed his fingers lightly on the table, a rare nervous habit of his when he wasn't sure of his next step. "You know I don't want to hurt you, right? I'm not like... some of the others here." Hanwool gestured around, referring to the other clients - specifically those who used the backroom. He saw how some of those escorts came out, after completing a service - bruises littering their skin, tears streaking their faces, marks left behind from the extreme roughness used on them inside. Hanwool didn't want to abuse Rain in that way, but he was worried that the other thought that was the case. "I really mean it when I say that I just want to see you. I want your company. Your... trust. Because I never want you to suffer." Not like him. If I can save you from suffering as he did... maybe I'll find peace...

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

I love seeing Danny Phantom showing up and being like ‘don’t ask too many questions but John Constantine I own your soul. All of it. Lmao sucks to suck bitch’, and he’s usually all Ghost King Full Regalia as he does it, at least in front of the Justice League, but consider—

He just shows up as Danny Fenton.

“yeah I got bored and collected the pieces like Pokémon. Gotta catch ‘em all” says the 5’2 teen who looks like a stiff breeze could trip him. He denies being a sorcerer, or a magician, concedes he’s maybe psychic but mostly he’s just…. The kid of two mad scientists—who have a basement lab where they opened a portal to what he SAYS is not hell but no one is frankly CONVINCED, by the way—and he hasn’t decided what to do with Constantine yet besides getting Danny into some r rated horror movies, but figures he should tell the dude probably.

“What’d you even trade for some of his soul contracts?”

“Don’t worry about it”

They worry about it

[loveletterworm]

Cool game where you pick up flashlights off the ground in the dark until you're holding too many flashlights at which point trying to pick up more will make an unfitting cartoon boing sound effect that I had laying around in my downloads folder

[minty-bunni]

I can't find the right words to explain it right now, but I honestly think that Astarion would calm down about his hunger for power if given time in a safe and supportive environment.

He specifically references never having to fear Cazador (or anyone if he ascends) again when it gets to the point where he decides on whether to stay a spawn or not and that sort of feeling and behavior isn't exactly uncommon among abuse victims? If given a chance to actually realize he is safe, that Cazador is gone, and that no one will be Cazador version 2.0, those thoughts would likely lessen. Maybe not totally go away, but he probably wouldn't actually consider sacrificing 7000 souls to ensure his safety.

He is upset, not in a good mental state, and still learning that people care for him and that he will never have to go through Cazador's torture ever again. He wants power over people like Cazador had power over him in order to make sure no one could (or would even try to) force him back into the hell he just escaped from.

And this is just one of the reasons I think he is good representation. He shows some of the ugly of recovering from an abusive situation that some victims experience.

[pikachu-deluxe]

got like 1200 ish lines of code for a thing in like 2 hours yippeee

it's a thing to make it easier to modify stuff for mario kart 64 it'll make my life 1000x easier i just have to enter a few numbers in and out comes a file i can apply to the game with some other program instead of having to copy and paste stuff for like half an hour to an hour every time i want to make changes

a game changer you could say *gets dragged away by the neck like a cat*

[caterpillarinacave]

So you choose not to step through the door, after all why mess with nonsense when you're already in nonsense? You check the items in your pockets, your phone you shut off to conserve power, the dog tag, key and top clink together but offer no help, and when you fiddle with the walkie-talkie you manage to get it to turn on, excitedly you call out to the void but only static responds, which is disappointing but predictable, so you put the items away and hunker down for the night, looking at the sky you can see that the stars seem strange, though you're no expert, and the moon seems to have a second smaller moon near it which looks pretty cool but is a stark reminder of how not on your own world your predicament has landed you.

In the morning you begin looking through the nearby bushes and plant life taking note of anything strange, you notice the berries you had been picking before you stepped through the door are also growing around here, they look and taste the same, and some other plants seem pretty similar to the forest from before as well, although the further away from the door you go the more unfamiliar plants you come across (of course that may just be your lack of familiarity with plants) and the few animals you have noticed are bizarre in a way that you can't explain, like the people from town, they seem almost perfectly familiar, just a little off and the noises they make have you thinking they wouldn't be able to communicate with their counterparts either, brushing aside another branch you come across a strange funnel made of metal which you pocket and what looks to be a regular whistle, you wipe it down and blow but hear nothing aside from the air going through, you consider it is either broken or maybe a dog whistle, as you go to put it away you hear something big running in your direction, before you can decide how to react a large creature storms out of the bushes and stops in the clearing before you, it's huge as a horse with paws and sharp teeth it licks as it looks around and spots you, it shakes its head again reminding you of a horse, then steps closer before turning and staring expectantly, you get the feeling it's waiting on you, impatiently, and you realize it seems to expect you to get on its back. Do you get on?

Yes.

[wawek]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.

[orcelito]

Actually that's kind of funny. I now have it in my brain that Of Course I'll be perfectly fine, financially. This is of course assuming that everything goes fine with me graduating and then getting my IT job. But things would have to go Very Wrong for that to not work out, so??? Yeah idk.

[medicinemane]

One issue I have is there's a whole lot of things where it's like "I'm actually nearly on your side, I'm very sympathetic to this, I just need one or two issues addressed and then I'd be with you on this... you just have to kinda... walk me through how this thing that feels like a kinda big problem isn't a problem"

And pretty much always it's just kinda like "oh, well it's not a problem, so don't worry about it"

...mhh... yeah... but I need some actual proof. I want to trust you, but I need something that actually deals with it, not to just basically be told to have faith... I have no faith, I'm a faithless person

And it's such a shame cause... instead of being able to work along side people I tend to hover off to the side trying to support it in my own small ineffective ways cause... I just have serious issues no one's ever bothered to address

Just sucks, you know?

[rivilu]

Wait. Logistically speaking. Would Elluin even know how to read.