#at the moments she’s truly just a girl who has seen far too much bc of the targs lmao

[dulcewrites]

14, 26, 33 from part 1 for francesca please! I’m super interested in the succession au whether you decide to write it or not I love to just hear about your ocs <3

14. What is your oc’s vision like? Do they require glasses, are they completely blind, or do they have 20/20 vision? Does this have an effect on their life?

- she does have glasses. She really only wears them when she is driving (especially night driving) or to read. She gets a really cute Céline pair to wear at work.

26. How stylistically fancy is your oc? Or would they rather go for comfort and plainness instead?

- Francesca would prefer comfort but she’s in the land of Armani suits and Ralph Lauren power suits so she def tries to keep up with the Joneses a bit. She has probably spent more money on clothes and shoes for work than she would like. She does become hyper focus on how she looks at work, unfortunately, but that’s also bc a lot of the men she works with never let her forget that she needs to 🙃

And the irony is that it is a catch 22. If she ‘let’s herself go’ she won’t hear the end of it. But if she cares and she’s ‘shallow and vapid’

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

- she perceives herself as a level headed, intelligent person. Her ‘outsider’ perspective does make her an interesting person to have around work wise. I think most people see her as capable and firm in her job. When she feels demeaned or not appreciated, she becomes easily upset. She’s worked hard to get to the place she’s at and people diminishing that hurts

Oc asks for myrah, clarisse, nina, and Francesca (and jasmine lol)

Here’s part two

[vainvenus]

hey freaky ppl. my request is really simple bc i need to recover from this angst fic i read of sejanus LMAO

so i was thinking of peacekeeper sej and covey reader, but the way they meet is completely different. he would catch the reader sneaking off over the fence with a bag of supplies.

i’m thinking that someone at the covey had gotten ill and the reader was met with the task of gathering herbs needed outside of the fence.

i feel like sej would first be what any other peacekeeper would be and follow and be like “wtf are u doin” but then like he’d understand and let her keep running off into the woods and meadow. IDK I THINK THIS IS CUTE

⌲;꒰ Fence girl. ꒱

Pairing :: Peacekeepers!Sejanus x Fem!Reader

Synopsis - Sejanus catches someone sneaking over the fence and tries to do his job ( he doesn't).

Includings :: Covey member!reader, sejanus hating his job AND being bad at his job, he has a soft spot for (everything) reader, horrible first impressions, mostly fluff, this is kinda short

An :: Sorry this took so long...jumping from fandom to fandom is NOT for the weak

Sejanus never truly wanted to be a peacekeeper, yes he wanted to help people but obviously not in this kind of way.

Peacekeepers were often cruel and stern, they stood their ground for what they stood for and their morals were aligned in a way that didn't quite align with Sejanus's.

But it was far too late to turn back, he already was at twelve and already buzzed his curls so he was stuck here with a job he hated. Not much could be done.

And Sejanus did try to do his job, he tried to be like his friend Coriolanus who was stern and took the job very seriously but of course, there were times where he struggled.

Like right now, he was frozen with confusion as he watched a girl with [h/c] hair scaling one of the fences. She had a dark brown bag around her shoulder. His brows furrowed even more as he wondered what was she doing.

But then he had to remember his job and how what the girl was doing was very much something he had to report.

No one was allowed beyond the fences because one, it was seen as dangerous because they were made to keep wild animals.

And two, it was seen as rebellious since at some point if anyone was able to get far enough they could leave the district and start their own life far far away from all of this mess.

Sejanus looked around, slight panic wavering in his eyes as he realized he was the only one who had noticed the girl climbing up and over the wall. She was almost out of his sight, her dark green skirt blending in with the scenery.

He cursed under his breath as he started to climb up the fence, hopping over it and looking in the direction of the girl. She seemed to be in a rush as she looked around the field.

"Excuse me! You know you're not allowed to be here, right?"

His voice seemed to have startled her as she jumped a bit, she looked him up and down quickly. She clenched the brown bag as he eyes glanced to the gun he was holding and he saw how she tensed up, her eyes growing wide.

She looked scared– no, terrified. Like a rabbit behind hunted by a fox.

That was another thing Sejanus hated about being a peacekeeper, no matter what he was always going to be feared because of that stupid uniform and the firearms they had to wield while on patrol.

It didn't matter how gentle he was as long as he was in uniform.

"Please...don't hurt me."

"Hurt you? I..I wasn't gonna- look, you're not allowed to be past that fence. I won't report you or anything, I swear. But you could get hurt or lost-"

"I know where I'm going." She had cut his worried rambling short, grip tightening on her bag.

His brows furrowed in slight curiosity. "And just where is that?"

"There's a few herbs down from here near a river." She replied. "I need to get them for a friend of mine...she's sick and we can't exactly afford medicine at the moment." She murmured the last bit but loud enough for Sejanus to frown.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew he should have done his job and escorted her back over the fence.

But of course Sejanus's heart always won over his brain so before he could even stop himself he had said;

"Alright. You can go."

A warm smile had spread onto the features of the girl in front of him, her eyes glistening with hope as she uttered; "Really?"

Sejanus nodded, looking over his shoulder just to be safe. "Yes, really. But, I have to walk with you and you need to make it as quick as possible."

"Deal! I'll be quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail." She giggled and Sejanus couldn't help but smile as he followed beside her.

As they walked, Sejanus took small glanced over at her. Her sense of style didn't seem to fit twelve, everybody remotely dressed the same with mostly dull colors or neutral tones but she had a much more lively pallette with splashes of red, orange and yellow.

"Starings rude, you know."

He quickly looked away, pressing his lips together in a thin line as she had cracked another smile before laughing and playfully hitting his arm.

"I'm just playing around! Jeez, for a peacekeeper you sure are sheepish." She hummed as she looked up at him and he glanced back over at her.

"Yeah, I'm horrible at my job I know."

"I'm not complaining, just glad I got one of the good ones." She smiled before she realized they were near the river and she crouched down near one of the nearby trees.

Sejanus watched as she pulled out a small jar and began picking dark purple berries, careful placing them into the jar. He tilted his head a bit while he watched her like a curious child.

"Elderberries." She spoke and his brows knitted together before she continued to explain. "Help with the immune system. We crush em' and brew em' into a real sweet tea."

Sejanus nodded as he knelt down. "Can I help?"

"You really are different, hm?" She tilted your head up at him, giving a teasing smile. "Kind, thoughtful and helpful? Are you sure you picked the right job?" She asked as she handed him one of the small jars and he shook his head.

"I wanted to be a medic." He said as he carefully picked the berries, putting them into the jar and the girl beside him hummed in amusement.

"That's surprising. What made you change your mind?"

"A friend. I'm only here because of him, oh and a little bit of rule breaking back home.." He sheepishly admitted and she giggled, standing up.

"Well you are just full of surprises, huh?"

Sejanus shrugged with a smile as he placed the jar carefully into her bag. "Guess I am."

As the two had walked back to the fence, Sejanus had picked a perfect spot where there was no one on patrol at the moment. It was like she had never even went over the wall.

He helped her over it, giving her a small boost up before climbing over it himself and he dusted off his uniform as he placed her bag back in her hands and she hummed a 'thank you' as she put it back over her shoulder.

"Y'know, I hope we meet again. Under better circumstances, of course."

"Me too- wait, I never caught your name."

She giggled, turning on her heel. "I never threw it!"

|★|

It had been a couple of weeks since his run-in with that [h/c] haired girl. Weeks since and he hadn't seen her again, he hoped that meant that her friend had gotten well enough that she didn't have to sneak over the fence again.

He was still thinking about her as he sat with Coriolanus, sitting at one of the tables as he was watching Lucy Gray perform. He was never as wowed, mainly because unlike those in the capitol he grew to already appreciate music.

"Whoops! Coming through, Blondie!" A familiar voice giggled as a girl with [h/c] haired brushed past the two to set some drinks off at the table next to them and Sejanus's eyes widened.

The fence girl.

He immediately stood up and walked over to her and as soon as she had turned to face him her face broke into a smile which he copied.

"You again!"

"Me again."

She gave him a skeptical gaze yet there was a playful smile on his face. "Are you stalking me?"

"Yeah. And it was just so hard because you never tossed me your name." He sighed like a damsel in distress, shaking his head.

She had giggled, holding out her hand. "[Y/n]."

He shook it, keeping a gentle yet firm grasp on it. He thought that maybe being a peacekeeper wasn't all too bad now.

"Sejanus."

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode four thoughts

hey remember last post where i said last episode gave me everything I wanted. HOW ARE WE FEELING NOW BOYS. WE GOT THE BREAKDOWN!!! THAT MAN HAD AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST AND COLLAPSED WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!

okay so i was wrong and charles' dad did not kill him. that's fine tbh I like this a lot, that he was essentially accidentally killed by his friends bc he stood up to them when they were bullying someone (? i think that's what the scene was implying. idk i was really excited about seeing him have a mental breakdown i might have missed something 😭). not to say that what they were doing was an accident, i just don't think they were trying to kill him i think they took the bullying too far and then maybe panicked when he died and covered it up, and that's why his death is unsolved? anyway very interesting! they truly do not miss with charles everything we've gotten from him is so great it makes me even more excited for edwin backstory haha

GOD CHARLES' BREAKDOWN.... that is everything i've ever wanted from a character repressing their emotions do u understand that. he got slammed into some of his worst memories, the most painful and traumatic moments of his life, and then with all those emotions back on the surface he went apeshit!!! i Love him getting aggressive to protect his friends (because that's really what he does, isn't it. he's the brains, i'm the brawn. god.) and then breaking down crying because he can't keep pretending like things are fine anymore, there's too much all at once for him to shrug it off. PHENOMENAL stellar acting stellar writing i love all of this i am eating it like soup!!!

and just. the things he was saying, about how he has to keep being positive he has to keep it together because if he doesn't who will? who else have they got to keep spirits up and stop the group from self-destructing? god it's. so good. i am not going to elaborate on some of that striking a nerve but. god. they gave me everything i wanted to see i love it so much!!! that is everything i hoped for from this story beat you understand!!!!

i wonder if maybe jenny is going to get an episode? or like a b-plot focused on her, something like that. the love letters seem like a plot thread that's going to be pulled on later, it just doesn't seem like this show to establish a mystery and then have it only be a background detail. we'll see tho ^^ i love jenny, i'd love to see more of her she's so fun. reminds me of a friend of mine tbh so i am biased, but also i deeply appreciate a woman with knives on a societal and also personal level 👍

okay can i just say. the night nurse (thank u noble for telling me her name <3) is kind of an asshole right. like i don't think she's evil she's doing a very necessary job, but it's actually delightful how ruthless she is about it. oh these two souls are refusing to move on? throw them into their worst traumas and the most painful moments of their lives to convince them there's nothing worth staying on earth for. sure, it's cruel, but who cares? it's efficient, and that's what matters. these are just children acting out to her, who don't understand the importance of what she does to keep everything in order. i love ruthless characters, and she's done so well she's so fun to watch

also. i do not think this is the last we've seen of her. like yeah she got fed to a sea monster but also she's literally from the afterlife and can travel back to earth wherever as long as she gets the permits. so. i think they bought some time, but that won't last long and they're still stuck in the town so i think she's far from done with them, and we'll see her again probably sooner rather than later (especially since she knows where they're staying)

crystal. my girl. beloved. PLEASE stop almost dying every episode it's bad for my blood pressure. you don't understand you're a living person which means they can kill you while still having you as a character on the show by making you become a ghost. you and niko don't have that safety net Please be more careful 😭

we got some really interesting lilith lore this episode, and it's got me thinking. a goddess of blood and wronged women... what about esther? she's been kidnapping and killing little girls, is that not wronging them? has it just not caught up to her yet because she's been making sacrifices, and if so what happens now that the squad has stopped her from kidnapping more kids? is she on some kind of time limit? this is So interesting I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities here...

the cat king was... there. okay i will admit the scene where he shapeshifted into monty and then charles was interesting. the implications are Fascinating, especially the order- he shifts into monty first and only briefly, but it doesn't seem to affect edwin until he shifts into charles. and then, edwin seems almost entranced until the yellow eyes show through which is. there are certainly implications! idk if it means anything besides instinctively trusting charles more bc they've known each other longer or something like that- especially considering this is netflix we're talking about, but then again the show got cancelled so maybe things did get gay! they've also set up edwin possibly having a crush on monty, or at least being unsure how he feels about him so. no idea but i am Keeping An Eye On That 👀

also. him saying he's never really been interested in/seen the appeal of kissing but now isn't sure whether it's something he wants... clutching grayro/demiro edwin to my chest. this is mine now he's one of us 👍

speaking of edwin, his moment there with niko at the end was really sweet. they're watching scooby doo together 😭 it's the perfect blend of their interests bc it's a detective cartoon.... their friendship is so cute holy shit. the simplicity and genuineness of their dynamic is so sweet, how edwin praises niko's detective work (telling her she's good at something very important to him!) and niko offers a listening ear without judgement as he works through what looks like it's shaping up to be a sexuality crisis. they mean so much to me... they're friends your honor!!!!

oh also charles and crystal kissed. idk man i don't have many thoughts on that. good for them 👍 I think the framing was sweet, in that the show sets up the kiss as the 'something real' crystal wants, but i will admit that part of me is disappointed because i wanted crystal and niko to get together. idk i thought they balanced each other out well, with crystal being subtle where niko is blunt and niko having hope where crystal is cynical, but. that's fine. i wasn't super invested. it's fine. no lesbians for me i guess... sad! oh well

all silliness aside, this episode was yet another Banger they simply do not miss!! the lighthouse ghost was such a fun character, and i love niko's kindness shining through again as she offers edwin red sea glass for courage and the walrus man green sea glass for emotional stability after telling him how she found the washerwoman. niko sasaki the woman that you are.... anyway i'm starting the next episode and then afterwards we'll see how i feel i might need to break for dinner lol

[sanctamater]

You remind me so much of an old friend, forgive me. (solas to amelia bc you're getting solas silverhand fuck)

@halleluias is beating me with a baseball bat.

“ Forgive me, I do not mean to intrude. ” The good lady has come for the girl in the tower - who seems more spirit of the Fade than girl herself these days. It worries her ( like any mother would be ); but she is glad, at least, that Elizabeth will not be lonely here. And surely, she is not — for the good lady cannot find her here, nor anywhere; be it the kitchens, the battlements; under the weeping willows or listening to songs within the Herald’s Rest. “ I had thought that Elizabeth might be — She has taken to you quite easily. I hope it is not too much of a bother or a distraction from your work… She is spirited. Curious. ” Eager to learn and so very smart; too smart — and the good lady is so very proud of her, just as she is worried. Her hands twist, pale and thin; twirling the rings of a legacy long extinguished round and round. Skyhold is both infinite and small; a dot in the world, in the grand scheme of things — and for all its many faces here, she has been careful never to overstep; to not darken any threshold that is not her own. Here she stands, in her silks and velvets - small. Drowning; where he is at rest. The silence breaks at his voice; calm and quiet, and her brows furrow. She does not remember his voice — doesn’t know if she has ever truly spoken to him before. It seems silly, now; the way she has held everyone at a distance, after all this time. Even through this. “ Do I? ” 

She looks at him - looks up at him; studying the line of his nose, his eyes; letting his words sink over her as if they were the Chant come mass. An old friend, he says — and she has to wonder; just who were they? When the good lady thinks of herself, when she truly — and rarely — envisions herself in her mind’s eye, there is very rarely any one there. A cracked mirror, an empty chair at a table she has never sat, only served at. An angry girl, screaming and crying and tearing at her hair ( See me, see me — listen to me, please! ); begging to be loved. No one has ever heard her, she thinks. Or rather; she has never spoken it aloud before. The image, shattered and warped; sits unsteadily in her mind’s eye. No, she has never truly looked at what remained on the riverside; never wanted to see - a litany of titles ( Lady, Mother, Madame, Wife ) that have been names as much as they have been shields. She does not know herself. More than that — she does not know if she wants to. Your friend must have been sorrowful; she wants to say. But there’s more to it than that, is there not? Something awful, horrible; curling in her stomach — burning in the back of her mind. Rage. At what has been done to her, at what will be done to her — at herself; foolish, stupid girl who could never see any snake in front of her until it was far too late. A failure of a mother, too; most damning of all. The blood on her hands remains there as surely as if she had held the blade herself; glittering, silver. Fury at the world, at men — how it twists inside of her, how it rots her teeth, her bones; consuming, until some days, it is all she feels. “ You need not apologise. ” Says she, after a long moment of silence. A soft breath leaves her — shoulders rising, falling; lips parted, eyes fluttering shut. This place, his study is the only quiet place in Skyhold; near silent, though it is so close to the hustle and bustle and unending murmurs of the hall, the courtyard, the garden. An inhale. Fresh paint, parchment. A world away from all that has occurred; from the Fade, from the Inquisition. A lonely sanctuary, seen only in passing by many. A lonely scholar, too — though he may not wish to think of himself as such. Perhaps they are both lonely. The good lady knows that she is; and a thin smile quirks at her lips. As always, it never quite reaches her eyes when, once more, she looks at him. Truly, this time — tries to, at the very least. She has always been one to take things at face value; gold, after all, glitters in the light — fool’s gold or otherwise; and he is earthen — of the soil as much as he says he is versed in the ether. 

“ Thank you. ” I think. It is little wonder Elizabeth lingers here so — though where she is now, the good lady cannot say. “ You must tell me about your friend some time, if you wish. ” A pause; another silence in a long string of them — and how it aches within her. A burden that can always be lessened, if only by sharing it with those near. “ Remembrance… It need not always be a weighty thing. To remember — and to share that, I can think of no greater gift. ” 

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think of Cersei? Do you like her character? (Both show and book versions)

*EDITED POST* (11/6/23)

Watched GoT before reading the books. 

I genuinely loved & was fascinated by Cersei (as a character). There was never a dull moment with her and her nonsense.

She actually made sense behaviorally:

[me] raised to believe in the exceptionalism of her house and her father, overly entitled due to her need to resist her father's devaluing of her, selling her body out for power, and her need to practice power. Her need to protect her kids and claim to put them before anything else was rife with hypocrisy, yet I also was moved by her losing Joffrey. Why? Because you could see she actually loved him in her own fucked up way and she herself was both understandable (in the sense that I could see how she turned out the way she did hoe the patriarchy failed her immensely), active, and not boring. I loved that she was bold and that she was bold enough, since childhood, to fuck her own brother and use the Targs as part of justification. I think of her self-inflicted loneliness that comes with her narcissism: she wants love and power but she can never truly accept the power and love she does receive (being Queen Dowager and having Jaime so into her) because she wants perfect, absolute power and to be seen/be "perfect"ly in control, in appearance, in manner and be equal to the sort of man she imagines she could be if she were Jaime...to be "Jaime" (also why and how she doesn't actually really understand or can relate to anyone, even her own lover since both were children) and to have all the power a woman or man can have over every other woman in Westeros. She's compelling because her desires are intense and clumsily handled. Kirby describes Cersei as "childlike' in her emotional control. For some, she's very relatable in how she self-sabotages her need for just...more. Some do not even have to be narcissistic to relate to Cersei so much as know what it feels like to realize you'll never have a thing denied to you and still desire it, sometimes go too far in trying to embody/obtain something like it.

[thoughts and being reminded after watching TikTok's Gamesof ThronesHistorian] Before Robert whispers some other girl's name on their wedding night, Cersei also has an issue with not "measuring" up to the masculinized standards of competent personhood, so Robert's revealing that he wants and continues to want Lyanna over her pokes at Cersei's deepest insecurity. Cersei expected to marry Rhaegar after Tywin dumbly got her hopes up and she spent a lot of her time fantasizing about being with him and being Queen--hopes are dashed after Rhaegar marries Elia instead when Aerys dismisses Tywin's suggestion--he calls Tywin a "servant", thus if Cersei ever heard this (she likely did) she would also have been mortified and jilted. After the rebellion goes in Robert's favor, she marries him and she finally gets to be Queen (the position dangled in front of her like a prize since childhood, snatched away, and now she "has" it back), she discovers that the queenship doesn't make up for Robert's clear preference for the same girl "her" Rhaegar got himself supposedly killed for. She thought she "won" against Lyanna & Elia, that they wouldn't "haunt" her ruined dreams, and that her marrying Robert would fix everything but the marriage only traps her with a man who will never see her without thinking of what he's amissing with Lyanna. And it quickly becomes abusive. For someone like Cersei, who grew up being told she is the most beautiful and thus an exemplar of women and having almost nothing for herself but that AND being queen as Tywin always promised to her own self (bc her patriarchal society affords way less in terms of prestige, value, and recognized respect to women as it does men & boys AND makes physical features comparatively final measure of worth for girls and women]), it's not that hard to see that Cersei's feelings are not baseless, totally irrational, nor groundless. Her already existing insecurities mushroomed into a plague that also sharpened her need to be "perfect", and counteract the feeling of never measuring up. Her emotions are so intense and uncontrolled and she remains totally unaware of her loneliness & she doesn't really ever address this properly to understand how she can at least psychologically and independently believe in her own strength and develop such strength, so she comes across as childlike.

That being said, I hated her as a person both in the show and the book because of her abusiveness of her brothers, her children, her delusions of grandeur, the disrespect and audacious spitting at the Martells (when it was Tywin who enabled Elia and her kids’ murders) -- I don’t remember, but it is totally within Cersei’s character to be glad for Elia’s murder out of jealousy and entitlement.

I also experienced abuse from my own mother and she is very much like Cersei in a lot of ways. It was refreshing to see that onscreen and in a book. But I also understand her because a huge part of why she is so evil and power-hungry is because of society and her own family continuously objectifying, dispossessing, and degrading her for being female, AND then she makes the unconscious-conscious "decision" to hate women and try to embody her father (unperceived flaws and all) to feel in control and accuse agency and political power for herself while using the avenues available to a woman simultaneously (making her extremely hypocritical). Tywin treated hers as a broodmare and political device more than he ever seemed to treat her as someone to care for and never seemed to have had a truly intimate moment with her. And, as a cis woman who looks "feminine" enough and who was born into a family that is heavily on the conservative side despite being of African descent, I have experienced what she has several times. Her hypocrisy, her hungry need, her falling into her own traps and the fact I can really understand her while being disgusted by her at times are what allure me to her.

Therefore, she is one of my favorite ASoIaF villains. Maybe even my top? IDK.

Check out these 2 Posts I wrote about her where I'm a bit more analytical about her:

[nikosasaki]

since dani is a heartless bitch (lovingly) what is her dynamic with the scooby gang and also our main character marieeee

sdfgh you get it!!! also side note love 'scooby gang' i feel in my heart that that's exactly what Dani would call them too

let's start with Marie bc i love you two girls who literally can't help but antagonize each other. it's literally like putting two anti-social cats in a room together they're just both on opposite sides of the room hissing at each other dfgh it isn't until Dani sees Marie's powers in action against Sam that she's like. wow. ur kind of a freak and i deeply respect that. they grow respectful of each other pretty fast but a real friendship doesn't bloom until way later (probably season 2) things between Emma and Dani are a bit more difficult. Emma is obsessed with Dani for the sheer reason that she's one of the top achieving students as well as a huge influencer, so when it comes out that Emma has an eating disorder and she accidentally runs into Dani she's like 'oh sorry hi you're very cool i can't do this right now' and Dani just goes 'oh hey, you're that anorexic girl' which. as you might imagine. sends Emma into a full-blown meltdown. she cries right on Dani's shoulder (there's only one thing that grosses Dani out more than emotions and that's snot, so top-tier interaction) and afterwards Dani gives her world's worst but most effective pep-talk that boils down to 'fuck everyone else', which really helps Emma in that moment, despite the Dani-ness of it all. there are a lot of moments where Dani almost accidentally sticks up for Emma and Emma is like are we friends?? and Dani just goes no we absolutely fucking are not. but they are. secretly. Dani and Andre are cordial at best, especially because the two of them are keeping each other's secret. Andre finds out about Dani and Luke on accident and attempts to hold it over Dani's head, but she immediately shuts him down by letting him know she knows about Cate. they're at a stalemate of sorts, both on different sides of the same blackmail coin. in their case it's absolutely Andre who hates Dani and Dani who truly does not think about Andre much at all. so. on the topic of Cate. oh man. these two have a ton of history together, dating all the way back to the very first day at uni when both of them thought they would be best friends. they hung out a lot in those first few months until Cate started dating Luke and Dani started playing second fiddle hard. in the interest of now allowing herself to be shoved aside she instead started a huge blowout fight with Cate and they've hated each other ever since. it's a relationship i would like to eventually see healed but we'll see where the show goes when it comes to Cate. just know that i would love to see them be friends again some day. finally, Jordan. there's a good reason that Jordan was the other love interest choice for Dani and that's because they see Dani in a way that she really doesn't like to be seen. their interactions pre-show are few and far between because Dani really early on figured that Jordan wasn't into her and she doesn't really see a point in interacting with them after that, but the two of them grow a little closer as Jordan and Marie become an item. Dani, for all her inability to be nice, can see that they're an item from a mile away and she can also see that Jordan is freaking out about it. if Dani knows one thing it's romantic relationships, so she has a sit-down with Jordan about it in which Jordan actually receives some good advice. when Jordan afterwards jokes that Dani might actually have a heart after all, Dani jokes back that if Jordan tells anyone she'll kill them. the two of them start developing a friendly teasing dynamic that turns out to be exactly the sort of friendship that Dani's been needing in her life, and it's really good.

[1kook]

viki & hickeys

the 8th installment to netflix & chill :~)

SUMMARY Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air.  WARNINGS a little hurt + a lot of comfort, mentions of cheating!villain!jin, insecure!kook, emotional breakdowns, mentions of jk’s lonely past, jk cries :( smut in the forms of making out, eating out, fingering, clit play, hickeys, jk likes cum, double orgasm, squirting, tiny praise kink, blindfolding, rough + unprotected sex, doggy style, choking!!!, breeding/impreg kink, JEALOUS KOOK, mini hand kink, a lil bit of spanking, degradation, he gets progressively meaner lol oc cries MISC there’s a lot of fuckin plot omfg -_-, it’s Valentine’s Eve!, doyeon makes Some Points, mentions of park seojoon juicy ass, they go on a d8 😳, oc like rlly wants to marry him, oc commits double phone homicide  RATING m (18+) WC 16.3k !!!! ik its fckin LOOOONG

NOTES (!) in true Viki fashion, here’s an nc fic where there’s like 3 different plot lines n a hot male antagonist <3 this series started off as just me wanting to write smut n it still is! now i just like to infuse different levels of angst into it as well </3 as always, lemme know what u think!! i proofread it twice but one of those times had been at 4 am so if u see a typo no u didn't. also here’s a gif  of jungkook crying during a dolly parton performances and here’s another gif of jungkook crying bc it’s scary how pretty he looks

Being evil and hot does not come for free. As you��ve long since learned in the past twenty-three years of your life, you truly can’t have it all. 

There is always some deliberating character flaw the universe must bestow upon you in order to level you out, make you fall onto the same plane as all the other mortals. Everyone has one, no matter how small or insignificant. Doyeon’s is that she doesn’t know how to work a straightening iron. Namjoon's is that he can’t tell the difference between water and liquor. Jungkook, despite all his tech-y nerdiness, doesn’t know how to do his own taxes. And yours? You don’t know shit about romcoms. 

Your knowledge on the romantic genre is what leads to this predicament now, the ring on your finger heavy as Doyeon regards you with what is perhaps the most unimpressed look known to mankind. “This is a promise ring,” she says bluntly, the bustling sounds of the coffee shop around you the soundtrack to your sudden realization. 

“No,” you deny, even though you know she’s right. “It’s an engagement ring.”

Doyeon rolls her eyes. “Babe,” she starts slowly, talks to you like you’re a dorky high schooler with her first boyfriend, “did he ask you to marry him?”

The truth is, the timing had been weird. It had been a few days after you’d rocked Jungkook’s world so you understand if he felt the sudden need to pop the question. But you were also sick as fuck that day, had only vaguely remembered the events because you were too busy with the snot up your nose and the raging fever you were battling. Had Jungkook asked you to marry him? 

You’re not so sure. 

It’s been a little over a month since then, and sure his lack of proactive wedding planning was a little weird, but you had always assumed Jungkook was one of those people who liked long engagements. Liked to drag out the last few months as a bachelor. Maybe he was waiting until you were both financially stable or something, who knows. 

Doyeon had been on some soul-searching journey around the country, so she hadn't been home for a while, had only heard of the ring through a two-second snapchat. This is the first time she’s seeing you and it in person; you can tell by the expression on her face that she’s rightfully disappointed. 

“Have you no shame, woman?” she tuts, arms crossed over her chest. “You have me parading around the world bragging about your engagement— just for this?”

You knock your forehead against the table, know it’s dirty and icky, but you deserve it. “Listen,” you huff. “I’ve only seen The Notebook, like, once.”

She scoffs. “I can tell. This is so embarrassing, don’t tell me you’ve brought it up to him?”

At her words you startle, nearly send the drinks flying across the floor. “No!” you shout, mindlessly reaching to twist the ring around your finger. It’s become a habit these past few weeks, a comfort to feel it around you. Granted, the feeling is a little muted now. “Of course he’d get me a promise ring,” you grumble, gaze flickering down to the silver band on your ring finger. “Jungkook loves all that cheesy corny stuff.” He really did. 

You’ve had enough of Doyeon’s disappointment, decide this coffee date has brought you enough three am anxiety material for the next year and a half. You conclude your date by taking a walk around town, arms locked together as you laugh at people who pass by because you’re both a little mean. 

“Maybe it’s for the best,” she says, and you agree. Well, a promise ring certainly meant something. It was, essentially, a pre-engagement ring. And the engagement ring that followed was a pre-wedding ring. And a wedding ring was, well, a wedding ring. Your heartbeat thunders at the thought. “You’re busy right now anyway,” she points out, snapping you out of your bumbling thoughts. “Aren’t you getting promoted at work soon?” 

Oh, you certainly were getting promoted at work. After many grueling months of hard work and dedication, the fruits of your labor were finally being recognized. Gone were the days of useless desk work, intern-like errands that barely required the use of any higher-order brain functions. You had worked hard these past few months, proved your worth over and over again, until you were here. Getting promoted into a new branch at your company— one where your talents were actually needed. And truth be told, there was one man to thank for that. 

Your friend and superior, Kim Seokjin. 

Seokjin is a great boss. In fact, you could argue he’s the best in the entire world and that, if it wasn’t for him, you would have quit this job that first month you started. But you had him to push you along, friendly smiles and encouragements that kept you going until this point, where you’re being promoted up into a branch where your degree finally matters. And it was all thanks to him! What Kim Namjoon was to Jungkook, Kim Seokjin was to you. 

So what if he cheated on his wife and flirted with the secretaries— Seokjin was practically a god in your eyes. 

And what Seokjin did in his free time was frankly none of your business anyway. You were colleagues at work, got along fairly well, but outside of work you were practically strangers. He was your beloved work colleague, someone Jungkook teased you about endlessly despite never having met him, and you were immensely thankful for him. “Should I be scared he’ll steal you from me?” Jungkook had joked one night, standing behind you as you scrolled through your company profile page. “He is a little handsome.”

You had pinched his side, smiling at his feigned concern when he pressed his lips to your temple. “You’re right,” you had joked back, “he is sooo cool.” And Jungkook had bitten you on the shoulder, laughed that pretty laugh when you yelped in surprise. 

Anyway, Kim Seokjin was a god, Jungkook was on his way to maybe, hopefully, one day, being your husband, and all was well. 

To honor this moment in time, you decide to swing by Jungkook’s place after your date with Doyeon, finding him lazily sprawled across his living room couch while What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? plays on the Jumbotron. He’s in between projects right now, so he’s spent most of his time relaxing and catching up on all his favorite shows. 

Which brings you back to that deliberating character flaw of yours: no knowledge of the romantic genre to utilize in your everyday life. Your love language has always been blunt words, teasing jabs, the raw and unfiltered type of love. Emotions? Impossible to figure out. You’ve gotten pretty far in life reading verbal and physical cues; with Jungkook, you always know he’s upset when he does the little tongue-against-cheek thing, and it has saved you from many potential arguments. 

On the other hand, it is so obvious what Jungkook’s love language is when he spends fifty percent of his time on Viki, home to some of the most cheesy kdramas in existence. Most guys spend their weekends watching sports or dramatic action movies, but here was Jungkook. Watching some guy try to court his secretary. 

(Okay, he does watch sports and action movies too, but that’s not the point!)

“Hello, sweet boy,” you greet, plopping down beside him. Jungkook smiles back softly. He’s serving absolute pre-pre-husband deliciousness right now, cute glasses, fluffy curls, plaid bottoms that make him look so comfy. God, you were going to suck his dick tonight. 

Jungkook slots his mouth against yours, tastes like the chocolate cake you specifically told him not to eat without you. He blindsides you before you can scold him, pulls you onto his lap where the swell of his cock nudges against your thigh. Oh, you were definitely going to suck his dick and ride him well into the sunrise. 

“What’s my pretty girl doing here tonight?” he asks, cutely looping his fingers through yours. “Thought you were with the Wicked Witch of the West today?”

You roll your eyes, reposition yourself in a laughable attempt at pretending like you’re actually interested in the show. “We just went out for lunch,” you explain, watching the hot lead saunter across the screen. Juicy ass, but nothing compared to Jungkook’s. 

There’s a question lingering on the tip of your tongue, Doyeon’s explanations mixed with your worries, and you hold it for exactly ten seconds before you’re turning to face him head on, eyes going a little crossed from how close he is. “Hey,” you say bluntly. “Is this a promise ring?” you ask, wiggle your finger in his face. 

Jungkook blinks, once, twice, and then his face shoots up in flames. “Maybe,” he mumbles, lips pursed as he tries to avoid your gaze. He was adorable. You laugh, endeared by the red flush that crawls over his cute little cheeks and up his ears. Unable to stop yourself, you squeeze said cheeks between your hands, cooing at the annoyed expression that consumes him soon afterwards.  

“Aw, you want to marry me,” you tease, but it’s secretly a leading question for him to confess that yes, he does want to marry you. For as hot and confident as you are, you too are plagued with doubts. Doubts that can only be smoothed over by hearing it straight from Jungkook’s mouth. 

He rolls his eyes, trying to break free from your hold. “We’ve talked about this,” he murmurs, all embarrassed. But like always, Jungkook knows exactly what you want so he doesn’t deny it, and that’s good enough for you. He’s too flustered to look you in the eye now, childishly craning his head away from you when you try to force him into a staring contest. “Can I finish my show?” he whines, slightly not as hard now that you’ve reduced him into a shy, bumbling mess. It was a nice change of pace from his usual, composed self. 

But you relent, sliding off his lap to sit against his side, classic octopus hug around his waist. The episode is in full swing, not that you know anything about it. Like you said, romantic shows and movies were the least of your concerns. Jungkook, however, eats this type of shit up. “He still trying to fuck her?” you ask, not the least bit interested, but if you’re planning on sucking his dick tonight you have to listen to a few minutes of him rambling first. 

Jungkook sighs. “Yeah,” he says, “I don’t get it.” You hum, trail your hand over his abdomen teasingly. He feels so warm and lean beneath your palm, you were getting hot just thinking about it. “Why would anyone agree to dating their boss?”

You know that Jungkook’s boss is some old Facebook fart, pioneer of something on the site that neither of you two care about. So it makes sense that such a notion disturbs him. You shrug anyway. “Everyone wants to sleep with their hot boss,” you offer. “It’s like, the power dynamic, I guess.”

His frown deepens. “Would you?” Your boss isn’t exactly an old fart; the reason Kim Seokjin was such a renowned playboy is because, well, he had the looks to pull it off. Still, he had become a sort of respectable figure to you and the idea of sleeping with him doesn’t really sound appealing as much as it would to any other random bachelorette, which you admittedly were not. You glance at the screen, where Park Seojoon swaggers around in those tight slacks and fitted button-ups. 

“Hm,” you ponder, “maybe.” 

Jungkook laughs. “You’re supposed to say no, you idiot,” he says, knocks his forehead against yours softly. You can’t help but chuckle too, enamored with the happy glint in his eyes and the way his smile eats up his features. 

Oh, you loved this man. 

Because he was so sweet and good on Christmas, you let Jungkook make the plans for Valentine’s Day. After all, it’s his favorite holiday (“Why? Well, because it’s a day all about you, and me, and us,” he had sighed dreamily in the bathtub one night, hair adorably pushed back to showcase that handsome face of his. Bubbles clung to his chest, had made you dizzy with every breath he took.), so it’s only right that he gets to make the itinerary for the day, fill it with all his favorite things. After all, cheesy romantic stuff like this was right up his lane. 

He reserves a spot at the fanciest restaurant in the city, the one that has a months long waiting list. It sounds perfect, and the closer it gets to February 13th, the more excited you become. You say 13th because the 14th is a Sunday, and as much as you would love to get on your knees and praise Jungkook’s body until the wee hours of the next day, you have work. So Sunday is off the table. And it’s better this way, you tell yourself. Everywhere would have been packed that day anyway. 

It seems like everywhere you go, the entire world is gearing up for the holiday; from the fast food drive-thru to your favorite lingerie shop, there’s Valentine’s Day specials everywhere you look. Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air. 

But what good is a lovey-dovey holiday without your own lovey dove himself? 

One glance out your window and your knees feel weak, because there he is. Dressed in a loose satin button up, shoulders broad, chest defined. He’s got on these fitted dress pants that accentuate his tiny waist too, thick thighs bulging beneath the fabric. There’s a coat hugging his frame, something to shield him from the cold while he waits out on the curb, does this cute little shivering dance in an attempt to warm up his muscles. Your heart feels like it’ll explode at the sight, and you can practically hear the corny, overused romantic song playing in the background of your thoughts, so you hurriedly distract yourself by slipping tonight’s dress on. 

It’s cold outside, but the sight of Jungkook makes you feel warm and fuzzy everywhere. He’s so hot it makes you dizzy, and the sap knows it when he meets you on the sidewalk. Instinctively, his hand reaches out to tangle with yours, the other slipping around your waist. “Hi, gorgeous,” he greets playfully, kissing your knuckles. His hair has grown out a little, curls up cutely when he lets it air dry and tickles your skin when he gets too close. “Lookin’ like Secretary Kim.” 

“Oh? So does that make you my hot boss?” you tease as you make your way to the car. 

As always, he opens the door for you first, flashes you this dorky little wink as he rounds the front of the car. “If it means you’ll sleep with me tonight, then sure,” he says, buckling himself in. You roll your eyes at his claim. You don’t get to see the proud little smile on his face; by the time you’ve composed yourself, he’s already pulling off in the direction of the restaurant. 

It’s a classy thing, a restaurant and bar in some insanely tall skyscraper. Of course your seats are right beside one of the huge floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the beautiful, glittering cityscape. “Fancy,” you murmur as you sit down, catching a glimpse of the eye roll Jungkook gives you. 

“You say that about any place that serves wine,” he chuckles, reaching for the bottle on the table to pour you a glass. 

The wine tastes like perfection, aged for the perfect amount of time. Whatever that was. You don’t really know, but it tastes amazing! Still, amazement aside, you manage a scoff. “I didn’t say that about your house on our first date,” you huff anyway, throwing him a playful glare over the rim of your glass. 

Jungkook laughs, full and real this time. It’s a little too loud for the classy establishment you find yourselves in, drowns out the jazz music for a second. “That’s because it was a house,” he says, wearing that big, shiny smile you adore, “and we were watching Transformers.” An amazing date, the mere memory of it makes your toes curl. He had been so dreamy— nearly two years ago now! —and had retained that aura up to the present day. You don’t think you’ve ever been so in love with anyone or anything in this world before, as cheesy as it was to admit. 

As if sensing your sudden wandering thoughts, Jungkook nudges your ankle under the table. “Hey,” he says so softly you could melt; his voice was so silky and sweet. “Everything okay?” he asks. 

A sigh, chin in your palm. You had to have been abducted by aliens or something— there was no way this was your life, this disgustingly romantic date with this disgustingly handsome man. An episode of Black Mirror maybe? One where you get forced to live in a romantic Viki drama with the man you love, every single day for the rest of your life? Maybe. 

Dramatics aside, you could practically feel that sticky sweet, sentimental monster begging to crawl to the surface, unleash the entire Shakespearean collection of lovesick sonnets on your unsuspecting boyfriend in the middle of this restaurant. But the weird ones, were you accidentally dedicate an entire six lines to the bulge of Jungkook’s thighs in his workout pants or the heart-shaped mole on his shoulder. Those kind. Before that can happen, you settle on an equally as gentle, “I love you,” murmured for only him to hear. 

Across the table, Jungkook smiles. One of those thin ones when he’s trying to keep his composure but is actually quite flustered, his subtle bunny teeth nibbling at his lower lip. “Thanks,” he responds, still trying to play it cool, but then he almost knocks his glass down and you’re reminded just how perfect he was, flaws and all. “Me too.”

You jab the pointed tip of your stiletto against his shin. “Say it back,” you warn and he laughs. 

“I love you,” Jungkook says like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Straight out of a romantic drama, like the ones on Viki that require a minimum of four different story arcs just to get to this point. But with Jungkook, it takes a few shy smiles and maybe a kiss. It has a scorching heat rising on your cheeks, one you ward away with a hurried sip of your drink while Jungkook reaches for your hand, thumb rubbing over your promise ring as if for good luck. 

That singular phrase makes your world pause, its axis stalling while you deal with the overwhelmingly soft and gooey feelings in your chest. Oh jeez, you had to rock his world tonight. It was only right. He deserved it for making you feel like this— this silly and ditzy, like a middle schooler with her crush. 

Anyway the food gets to your table after a millennia. Jungkook orders some fancy lobster dish, one that you're pretty sure costs more than the purse you brought along tonight (to be fair, you’re a cheap buyer), and still has the audacity to poke around at your plate too. He eats enough to feed a schoolhouse full of children who’ve just come off recess, practically devouring the table cloth before you stop him. And then he doesn’t let you see the bill; “baby, don’t worry about that when you’re with me,” he purrs, warm breath fanning against the skin on your neck, drunk off pure love and strawberry lemonade because he was driving tonight. The hostess is a blushing mess, fumbling for his change as Jungkook practically gropes your ass in plain sight.

You swear he’s spending too much time on that Viki streaming service, because then, as if the romantic dinner date wasn’t enough, he whisks you off to an even more romantic walk along the river. 

If there was ever a world record for “Number of Times you can Make your Girlfriend Swoon,” you’re positive Jungkook had broken it in the span of a few hours. You feel so light-headed and in love by the time you reach the river. 

“You know,” you tell him as you walk, the serene sounds of the flowing water beside you the soundtrack to your date. Jungkook swings your joined hands between the two of you. It’s chilly but you’re so full and happy that you don’t let it bother you. “I was gonna throw wine at you when we first met.”

He cackles, that loud, airy sound again that he only lets you hear, with his head thrown back. “What?” he gasps, smiley and pretty, your pretty boy. “And why were you going to do that?”

You huff, feeling slightly embarrassed now to admit such a thing. But aside from Doyeon, no one else has ever heard this classified tale. And well, you’re feeling extra emotional tonight. An abundance of emotions in one night usually ended with you crying like a little bitch at some point or another, so you’re trying to push that off for later. “Because,” you sigh, squeezing his fingers, your lone promise ring versus his assortment of fashionable rings. “You sounded like an absolute fuck boy when you first texted me!” 

Jungkook scoffs, playfully scandalized. “Me?” he squawks, pausing to stand in front of you with wide eyes and a ridiculously huge smile, the kind that has his brows raised high, lips going thin, practically displaying every tooth in his mouth from how wide it is. 

“Jungkook,” you say calmly, shoving one finger against his chest. “You asked me to Netflix & chill for our first date.” 

He groans, using your entwined hands to pull you into his arms for a suffocating hug. “I already told you,” he laughs, patting the back of your head while you get in a few lighthearted punches against his sides. “I didn’t know what it meant.” 

“Whatever, you sleaze,” you say anyway, eventually melting into his hands. “Bet you tell all the girls that.” Jungkook makes another scandalized noise, but settles when you wrap your hands around him. He smells so good and familiar, comforting even. Like home and safety, a refuge for your heart. When you’re this close, you can hear the light beating of it beneath your ear, a steady rhythm that has you closing your eyes when he begins humming your favorite song. 

He gets about two verses in when your phone suddenly goes off. 

Everything in your body says to ignore it, to continue basking in the comfort of your boyfriend’s embrace and this absolutely perfect moment. But it’s the stupid ringtone you set for all your work peers when you first loaded the entire company contact list onto your phone, so the sound alone lets you know it’s a work-related call. And for work to be calling you on a weekend was definitely not a good sign. 

“Give me a sec,” you tell Jungkook, pulling away from his arms. He frowns but lets you go, staying close as you dig through your purse for the offending device. 

It’s Kim Seokjin calling at this peculiar hour, a fact that confuses the hell out of you. Jungkook’s bouncing on his heels in an attempt to fight off the chill, giving you his beautiful side profile as he glances down the winding sidewalk that follows the river, and then at his watch. His nose is a cute red color that you want to kiss so bad. But work calls, so you tighten up and let that dream go for now. You swipe your thumb across the screen. 

“Hello, Mr. Kim,” you greet, trying to keep the confusion out of your voice. “How can I help—“

“__, my love,” he beams through the phone, so fucking loud it has Jungkook glancing over curiously. You give him a tight-lipped smile, one he returns as he shuffles closer, trying to steal your warmth like a penguin. You let him snuggle close before turning back to the droning voice of your superior on the line. 

“Hello,” you repeat again, slowly. Jungkook takes your free hand in his; when he squeezes, the band of your promise ring digs into your skin just the slightest. “Was something the matter?” 

Seokjin laughs, loud and clear. There’s a lot of other noises filtering in through his line. Briefly, you remember that there had been some work-related party for the higher ups tonight so you write it off as that. “Does there need to be a problem for me to call you, love?” 

You falter. Beside you, Jungkook’s brows furrow together, his devilishly handsome features even more pronounced. He’s obviously heard the other man on the line. “Um,” you flounder for a second, “well, usually yes.” 

Without missing a beat, Seokjin carries on with a playful tut that you’re almost certain has him lifting the receiver up to his mouth, because it’s so goddamn loud it has you flinching away from your own device. “My __,” he says, sweet and… slurred? 

He’s never used this tone of voice on you, only on other women at the office. Something about his broken marriage and needing to heal a wound, you don’t fucking know. You can’t even begin to truly understand that logic, which is why you’ve always just ignored it. Still, in the last few months of knowing Seokjin, he has never made a pass at you. Until now, that is. And until now, you had kind of convinced yourself he saw you in a sisterly way. Which sure, was worse than being friendzoned. But this was your boss you were talking about. Whether you got sister-zoned or not by him was the least of your concerns. So what was going on? What had changed over the span of a few days that had him suddenly reaching out to you on a weekend? 

Beside you, Jungkook doesn’t look the slightest bit impressed, tongue prodding against his cheek as Seokjin rambles on the line. You wish you had lowered the volume before answering, but doing so now would appear suspicious, even you could admit that. “You’re amazing, you know that?” Seokjin praises. You nod, remember he can’t see you, and settle on a blunt thanks instead. Jin laughs. “You’re different from the rest,” he hums, voice soft and weirdly intimate. 

Jungkook’s frown deepens. “What does he want?” he murmurs, somehow managing to keep his voice calm as always. The deep furrow of his brows and the tongue-against-cheek motion he had done just a few seconds ago all indicate he’s annoyed, that much you can tell. 

You shrug, eyes wide as you hurry to get to the reason for the phone call. You’re almost certain it’s just Seokjin being drunk— many people drunkenly dial their friends and family to tell them how much they’re appreciated, this wasn’t anything weird! 

Is what you try to convince yourself, but then Seokjin’s voice is dropping an octave by your ear. “Did you get my gift?” he murmurs, voice nearly drowned out by the sounds of the event he’s at. 

“Huh?” you stammer, quite stupidly if you do say so yourself. Jungkook shifts closer, obviously trying to hear. A breeze ruffles his hair, his cologne wafting over you. “What?” 

A sigh over the line. “My gift, love,” Kim Seokjin says, loud and proud. Jungkook exhales, hard. “I had it sent to your house this evening. Something pretty for a pretty girl— don’t tell me the postman fucked that up,” he jokes and Jungkook huffs, practically breathing fire through his nose when he hears the words. 

You fidget. There had been no gift when Jungkook picked you up around sunset, not like you had expected anything to begin with. And aside from Jungkook and maybe your parents, there was no one else on this planet you wanted to receive a Valentine’s Day gift from anyway, especially not from your boss of all people. “Um,” you mumble, acutely aware of the way Jungkook’s face is nearly pressed to yours now in his effort to listen in on your phone call. “I— um, haven’t been home, Seokjin.”

Jungkook scoffs, spits out a particularly unimpressed, “Seokjin?” 

Said man doesn’t hear. “Oh, of course,” he says, almost sullenly. “I forgot you had that little boyfriend to entertain tonight.” 

It’s the breaking point for Jungkook, who leans back to glare at the phone with the heat of a thousand suns. You press it against your chest before he can hear anything else. “I’m sorry,” you rush out in a hurried whisper, eyes flickering over his face, trying to gauge the intensity of his emotions. “I think he’s drunk— he’s never said things to me like this before,” you stammer, feeling like you have to defend yourself for some reason. “I’ll- I’ll take care of it, okay?” No answer, just an aggravated shake of his head, like he’s trying to calm himself down. “Jungkook?” you say, can feel the panic begin to lace your voice when his eyes flutter shut. 

He calms your worries with a gentle head butt that has you gasping in surprise, one hard exhale fanning over you. “Okay,” he says, teeth clenched. “I’m gonna go sit.” And then he stiffly walks over to one of the many benches lining the pathway. He sits, just like he had said he would, and glares down at his hands instead. 

The sight makes you anxious, unsure of how to diffuse the situation because, like you’ve said many times before, dealing with emotions— especially someone else’s emotions —was hard. Your eyes refuse to leave his figure as you draw the phone back up to your ear again. “Hello?” you call, voice trembling when Jungkook finally looks your way. The soft look he had given you all night is nowhere to be found, replaced with this rather unreadable expression. Something between annoyance and confusion if you had to guess. You don’t know, and the fact you don’t know makes you panic. Your chest feels tight when Seokjin begins speaking again. 

“You know,” he says, “you’re quite something, __. Strong, confident. Beautiful.” Had you been anyone else, you might have been flattered by Kim Seokjin’s remarks, maybe would have swooned. He was, objectively speaking, a handsome man with a hefty bank account. 

But if that was the criteria for a man to make you swoon, then the man on the bench in front of you checked all the same boxes three times over. The man who’s brows draw closer and closer together the longer you linger on the phone. Jungkook’s foot does one agonizing tap against the concrete and you find yourself stammering into the phone. “I think you’re drunk, Jin.”

A scoff. “I am,” he agrees, and doesn't even bother to hide it. “But you remind me of her, you know that? I like that.”

It’s like he knows something is going on on the line, because Jungkook visibly bristles when you sidestep in surprise. What was going on, your brain screams. Having your superior compare you to his infidel wife was definitely not something you saw coming tonight. “Uh, okay?” you say, “listen, Seokjin— Mr. Kim, I’m... I have a boyfriend. And I really lov—“

He cuts you off. Jungkook bristles at the sudden stop of your sentence. “Yeah, yeah,” Seokjin drawls, and you can feel the sheer terror of accidentally jeopardizing your relationship with Jungkook step aside for the briefest moment to allow some annoyance to seep through. Annoyed with Seokjin and his audacity, his tone, his voice. “Mrs. Kim used to say that about me,” he chuckles humorlessly, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” A long pause. You’re unsure of how to respond. “It’s not real,” Seokjin says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the entire world. “Love, that is.”

You clench your jaw, gathering your thoughts to respond when Seokjin beats you to it. “But you know what, love?” You don’t respond. Seokjin pushes on anyway. “Someone’s gonna cheat sooner or later— why not beat him to it?” 

Your body reacts first, a startled gasp inhaled through your lips at his disrespectful preposition. Your phone slips out of your grasp. It bounces twice, lands on the ledge that gives way to the river, and you almost kick it in when Jungkook comes up behind you. “Hey, hey,” he says sternly, tugging you away from the phone you almost killed. “What’s wrong— what did he say?”

You exhale, face warm from the discomfort sitting heavy in your chest. “Nothing,” you huff, mind slightly foggy as you try to process that awkward conversation. “It’s— it was stupid,” you spit, pressing the heels of your palms against your temples, the raging anger and confusion making your head pound now. 

You had always known Kim Seokjin wasn’t the most faithful man, that the infidelity ran both ways in his relationship. But you had never imagined he would ever compare you to her, his cheating wife, in an attempt to win you over. Furthermore, you’re downright disturbed by the fact he would even try to hit on you after all the mentoring he’d given you, all the polite smiles he’d flashed you, all the praise you had bestowed upon him to Jungkook. 

Jungkook, whose jaw twitches as his hands graze your forearms. When you look at him again, you feel an immense wave of remorse wash over you at the way his own irritation is clouded by his worry for you. He had been wronged as well— disrespected just like you —but here he was, pushing his own emotions aside for your sake. He doesn’t want to see you upset. He was so good at dealing with your emotions, knew just what to do when things became too much. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, lips pursed together. “I don’t know why— he’s never— I wouldn’t do that,” you settle on, voice wobbling when Jungkook’s jaw clenches. “Jungkook,” you frown, reaching for his hands, “I wouldn’t—“ 

He shushes you with another one of those gentle forehead bumps. “Calm down,” he says, voice deeper than usual. “I know you wouldn’t.” 

Weirdly, it feels like you’ve committed a grave sin against your boyfriend. A crime. “I’m sorry,” you blubber anyway, heart thundering in your chest. “That was horrible,” you huff, desperately blinking away the stinging sensation behind your eyes. “You didn’t deserve to hear that.”

“Don’t cry,” Jungkook says, so soft and comforting; stable. You want his composure, his ability to process and understand things so quickly— his maturity. Sure he had been put off by Seokjin, but he had processed it all so quickly; adapted to the situation and stepped in to save you. Meanwhile, you nearly committed cellular murder because you couldn’t handle yourself. “He’s a weirdo,” he says, for both your sakes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” 

Still, you sniffle. “I’m sorry,” you say again, the heavy feeling in your chest lightening just a little bit when he pulls you into his arms. 

“Crybaby,” he teases softly, a kiss on the crown of your head. You pinch his side. “Second phone you broke in a year.”

The mood for the riverwalk is off after that, and you only walk a few more meters before Jungkook decides it’s enough. “We can still enjoy ourselves at home,” he reassures you, and the way he tries to salvage that soft, fuzzy feeling from before is admirable. So Jungkook takes you home, holds your hand the whole drive back to your place, like he knows you’re still fragile from that extremely uncomfortable interaction, need him to hold you together. Jungkook’s emotional stability guards you like a shield, covers you in a wave of comfort as you calm down. You tell him about Seokjin’s preposition and he bristles. “Prick,” he murmurs beneath his breath, grip tightening just the tiniest bit. Your ring pinches against your skin a little painfully, but you say nothing. 

There’s a box of flowers on your doorstep when you arrive, one that makes Jungkook pause at the sight. “Wonderful,” he drones, picking it up for you as you unlock the front door. It gets left on the coffee table, practically mocking the two of you as you remove your shoes and coats. “That’s your favorite flower,” Jungkook notes. 

You glance at the expensive bouquet. “It is.” 

Jungkook drops down onto your couch, eyes flickering to the meticulous arrangement in front of him. “You told him?” Not really. But back when you had thought Jungkook and you were engaged (read: last week), you had spent days looking at different floral shops that specialized in this flower, frequently leaving the tab open on your work computer. Seokjin must have seen it then. At your extended silence, Jungkook says, “nice.”

You frown, setting your heels on the shoe rack. “Baby, I didn’t,” you tell him softly, reaching for the zip on the back of your dress. It comes down, and after clearing your hips, it falls to the floor in a dark heap you pick up quickly. It leaves you scantily clad in a black lingerie set. Meanwhile, Jungkook drops his head back, glaring at your ceiling. Tentatively, you step over to him, toying with the fabric of your dress in your hands. “You said it was okay.”

“I know,” he sighs, an unexpected confession from him that makes you pause. Despite all you’ve been through, he still rarely highlighted situations that upset him. “It’s just,” he says, turning his head to look at your form again, eyes not drinking you in like you hoped he would. “It’s scary.”

The couch cushion dips beneath your weight when you settle beside him. “What is?”

Jungkook shrugs, avoiding your question by reaching for the TV remote on the coffee table, right beside the box of flowers Seokjin had sent. He opens up the Viki app in a flash— the one linked to his account —and has even loaded up the next episode of Secretary Kim when you question him again. “What’s scary, Jungkook?” you repeat. 

On screen, there’s a beautiful scene on a bridge, the two leads happily conversing. It’s serene, something neither you nor Jungkook feel at the moment. 

Eventually, he says, “you could leave.”

You pause. “What do you mean?” Leave? Where on earth would you leave to when this was your home? He doesn’t meet your gaze. 

Another scene passes by on screen, some cheesy line and an even cheesier promise. Jungkook’s foot taps against the floor, the sound dull against the plush rug beneath you. It’s a nervous tick you’ve only seen him do at the height of truly stressful situations. Weird because just half an hour before you had dubbed him as the epitome of calm and collected at the river. 

“I thought he was cool before.” 

He did. But the word ‘cool’ didn’t always have the same meaning for Jungkook as it did for you. 

In the past, Jungkook had frequently joked about having to meet Kim Seokjin and thank him for all the help he’s given you at work. After all, up until now, you had only ever had good things to say about the man, raving about his cool demeanor and respectable work ethics. Now, the memories paired with the conversation from earlier leave a bad taste in your mouth. 

You’re a little confused with Jungkook right now; part of you had convinced yourself that whatever happened on the phone earlier with Seokjin was put behind you, marked off as an anomaly in the evening. After all, Jungkook himself had said it was okay. Park Seojoon appears on screen, and you can’t help but glare at the character, residue emotions from the river pushed off onto this innocent actor. 

Still, Jungkook surprises you. “It’s just that—“ he sighs. And then, “what if you leave?” 

You blink, eyes trained on his side profile and the way he’s nervously chewing through his bottom lip until it tints a red shade, gives way to sensitive skin when he bites too hard. “Why would I leave?” 

He says nothing. On screen, Park Seojoon says something so cheesy and romantic that it would have otherwise made you cringe, made Jungkook soft. But he’s stiff as a board beside you instead. You almost think he’s going to disregard the entire conversation when he finally speaks again. “Well.” You perk up at the sound of his voice, overly aware of the way he’s started picking at the skin around his thumb again, another nasty habit you’ve been trying to help him get over. “He’s cool. Rich.”

“And so are you,” you offer, covering his hand with your own. 

Jungkook ignores you, releasing a long, shaky exhale. Somehow, he’s exuding a similar energy as before; discontentment mixed with understanding. Like he’s greatly conflicted but forcing himself to remain calm. Another trembling inhale, and then Jungkook quietly recites, “everyone wants to sleep with their hot boss.” 

You recoil just the slightest, brows pinched together at the absurd conclusion he’s drawn. “Baby, that was just a silly conversation,” you say slowly, slipping your hand into his. He squeezes so tight you’re afraid he’ll break your bones. “And we were joking—“

“I know!” he exclaims, enveloping your significantly smaller hand in both of his before bringing them up to his face, lips pressed against your knuckles. It’s not a kiss, more so a desperate need to feel you against him. Eyes wide, you can’t do anything but watch as that collected exterior slips away, revealing a whirlwind mess of emotions. It’s a rather unexpected show from Jungkook. “It was a joke. We were joking. But I’m—“ his jaw clenches. His voice is so tiny when he speaks again. “I get scared sometimes, __.” 

His emotional outburst renders you speechless, watching as he squeezes his eyes shut, jaw clenching, hands trembling. 

It’s a stark image change from the cool Jungkook that had comforted you at the river, had patted the back of your head when you had been so distraught. His chest heaves for air and you don’t know what to do; it’s always the other way around, him comforting you, that when it comes down to this you find yourself at a loss. It makes you feel like you don’t know enough about yourself or him or your relationship in general to help him, always so lost when things like this happen. 

Jungkook has never been good at expressing negative emotions, always preferring to bottle them up and only show you his very best side. Granted, he’s been getting better at letting go lately, has whispered his doubts to you in the dead of night after a particularly grueling project, an uncomfortable social meeting. But he always waits until you’re half asleep and in the dark to tell you how he feels, hushed worries that you barely remember the next morning. And by then, Jungkook’s moved on from them anyway, flashes you a pretty smile and purposefully guides you away from that conversation. You know he’s started keeping a journal recently, but aside from seeing the blanks pages when he’d first gotten, you don’t have a clue what happened afterwards. It’s probably hidden away somewhere, his feelings locked up in a cupboard or a box, the secrets it holds never to be spoken of aloud. 

He doesn’t like talking about his more personal problems, hoards them until you’re forced to intervene. Find him slumped over at his dining table with bags under his eyes, the skin on his lower lip bitten beyond belief. 

Rarely does he sit down and express himself like this, lays his heart out carefully for you to see. Had he not said so right now, you would have never known Jungkook struggled with such doubts about you and your relationship. 

(It makes your heart ache at the realization.) 

Jungkook always acts like everything is okay, always forces himself to hold it together for the sake of you and, quite frankly, everyone else. He’s there when Taehyung breaks up with his girlfriends, pats him on the back and lets him run through every video game he has on his PS5. He’s there for Namjoon when his thesis becomes too much, proofreads it even though he doesn’t understand a word just for the sake of giving his best friend another perspective. Hell, he had even been there for Doyeon when her new landlord had tried to overcharge her, had carried the bulk of your argument when you ran off to try and fight with the old man. 

(“He’s too nice sometimes,” she had murmured the next morning at her place. After the shouting match the night before, you had crashed with Doyeon on her new bed, your sweet boyfriend taking up her couch. Somehow, you and Jungkook had managed to knock a clean seventy-five bucks off her monthly bill. It wasn’t much, but for an apartment in the city it sure felt like a lot. 

You had hummed, patting the top of his head on the way to the kitchen. “He’s a good boy,” you had said, heart thrumming when he instinctively pushed closer to your hand, nuzzling into you even in his sleep. “He cares about everyone a lot. Worries to death about his friends.”

The state of their relationship was weird; they were always fighting about one thing or another, ‘eternal enemies’ as Doyeon liked to claim. 

But for the first time, she hadn’t denied they were, in fact, friends. Instead, she had quietly stood at the breakfast nook overlooking the living room with a somber look on her face that was completely unlike the Doyeon you knew. She didn’t respond with her usual backhanded compliments, didn’t even call him a gremlin either. 

“He even worries about you, Miss Wicked Witch of the West,” you had teased, reaching over to pull Jungkook’s shirt down where it had ridden up, exposing his cute belly button to the cold apartment. She had sipped at her mug of coffee, eyes foggy and distant. “It just takes him a while.” 

“He’s always cared about you though,” she had murmured then, and you had marked it off as her being half asleep. But Doyeon had given you this look, a look so profoundly wise, as if she was saying, “more than you’ll ever know.”) 

Most importantly, Jungkook is always there for you. He holds you in his arms, strokes your back comfortingly whenever something goes wrong. Listens to your concerns and offers you advice, learns new things for the sole purpose of helping you out. Lets you make stupid decisions and always saves you at the last minute. And you want to repay him for all that, want to look after Jungkook like he does for everyone else. But it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard, when he doesn’t let you in, when he holds his emotions at bay for the sake of protecting yours. When you don’t even know where to start sometimes. 

The beating of your heart is accompanied by a dramatic orchestral ensemble on screen, violins and flutes as the two lovers reconcile some issue with a kiss. Beside you, your own lover is one second away from falling apart. “Hey,” you say quietly, slipping your hand out of his to hesitantly place on his back instead. With your release, Jungkook uses his empty hands to drag over his face, hide himself from you. “I’m not going to leave you, Jungkook,” you try and comfort, “I love you.” 

He shakes his head, dark locks bouncing around. “I know, I know,” he sighs, but it doesn’t sound like he believes you. It sounds like he’s forcing himself into composure again, jaw flexing as he shakes his head. “But— what if—” another aggravated huff, his thighs jumping anxiously. “You’ll get bored.” Not a question, but a statement. 

“Of you?” you ask anyway. He nods. “I won’t.”

He sits up so suddenly you have to move away to avoid bumping into him. “You will,” he urges, finally looking at you, distress painted over every inch of his face. “That guy, that Seokjin, he sounds more interesting than me. He sounds cool and put together, like the world is his oyster and,” he rubs the heels of his hands against his eyes. “You talk about him sometimes and... and you call him a god, __,” he stresses, doesn’t leave room for you to object. “And I know you’re joking, but—“ a sharp inhale, and then, quietly, “everyone gets bored of me, __.” 

Your frown deepens. “But I won’t,” you argue, confident in your claim, shifting onto your knees beside him. Your dress is thrown over the armrest of the couch, and the draft in your apartment makes goosebumps rise on your bare flesh. “You’re not boring, Jungkook,” you tell him, voice softening when his features pinch up, nose wrinkling as he wards off the stinging behind his eyes. 

It’s teenage trauma. Jungkook had told you at least that much before, this crippling sense of loneliness and an inferiority complex that hindered him during an influential growth period of his life. It’s why he’s so quiet when he has so much to say, why he brings you along to every party he gets invited to; he’s never felt like he was enough by himself. 

Sometimes, it leaks into his confessions. “I don’t deserve you,” he says frequently, but some days you want to hot glue him to a chair and force him to listen to every reason why he does and always will deserve you or anyone for that matter. “You make me better,” he claims, but he does that all on his own, lights up the world with his smile alone. 

He’s gotten better, that much you’ve learned from Namjoon and Taehyung. And even you’ve noticed it on your own, watched as he animatedly talked with his friends and his coworkers, drew people naturally to him with his warm aura. 

Even still, there’s moments where he relapses. Moments like this. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs beside you, “I know I’m a handful—“

“You’re not,” you interrupt, cupping his soft cheek in your hand, turning him to face you. Jungkook leans into the touch, and your heart breaks in half when a tear escapes over his waterline, pretty eyes brimming with tears. “You’re not a handful, Jungkook,” you tell him, shuffling closer until you can press your forehead against his. The truth is, you don’t know how to comfort him, but this is how he’s always comforted you; it feels nice when he does it for you. “You’re just enough,” you say, voice soft because it feels like your precious boy is about to fall apart in your arms, his shallow breaths rivaling the volume of the television. “You’ve always been enough.” 

He sniffles, and another tear tickles the side of your thumb, catching the light. “I’m sorry,” he repeats anyway, a disbelieving chuckle tacked on at the end. 

“Don’t be,” you shush, pushing away a strand of hair when he leans closer. His frown is still prominent, pink lips red and soft under your thumb when you tap your finger against them. “You can tell me when things worry you, you know,” you inform him, heart swelling when his eyes fall shut and he leans into your touch. He’s so handsome, the cute little mole beneath his lip begging to be kissed. “I’ll always listen.”

Jungkook hums, breathing evening out. “I know you will,” he says. “But I like listening to your voice more, and I can’t do that when I’m talking.” 

You snort and Jungkook finally lets a tiny smile slip. “Don’t flirt with me so soon after your meltdown,” you mumble, kissing his cheek softly. 

Jungkook chuckles, real this time, and sniffles right afterwards. “I’ll flirt with you whenever I want.” And, because he’s just so full of surprises tonight, he sniffles once more before he’s unceremoniously tackling you back onto the couch. You squeal, the TV remote digging into your back painfully. It has the volume accidentally skyrocketing, startling the both of you with an ear-shattering orchestral piece at the height of some emotional scene. Jungkook scrambles to free the device and lower the volume before your eardrums burst. “I didn’t even know your TV could go that loud,” he says, and he’s speaking normally but the deafening violins are still reverberating in your head, making him sound quieter than he really is. 

“Come here,” you say instead, and he obeys, crawling into your arms, mouth hovering just over yours. “You feeling better?”

Jungkook nods, dark hair bouncing. “You make me better,” he tries, but after tonight’s realization, you respond to his corny words with a pinch against his doughy cheek instead. 

“Don’t say that,” you frown, toying with one of the earrings decorating his ear. The tip of his nose is flushed red, the exertion from crying catching up to him. His lashes are dark, probably feel so heavy with the residual tears that cling to them. 

Jungkook repositions himself, guides your legs around his waist. “Why not? It’s true.” He glances at your mouth. “You make my life better.”

“Wrong,” you say bluntly, brushing his hair back with your hands. “Your own perception and understanding of your experiences makes your life better. I just happen to be in it.” Jungkook looks the tiniest bit surprised at your suddenly logical argument. “Trust me, I saw it in a documentary the other day.” 

At that he laughs, full and loud, pecking your lips once with a sweet smile on his face. “Now I know you’re lying,” he grins, gently nudging his nose against yours. The drama on the TV is but a quiet hum compared to the pounding of your heart in your chest when he looks at you like that. “Because you don’t even like documentaries.” 

You kiss him softly, holding his hair back for him. He tastes a little bit like the chocolate cake he had at the restaurant and the lemonade he drank (he didn’t indulge in the sweet wine with you because he needed to drive). His lips mold perfectly against yours, and he sighs softly when he finally draws back. “But I like you,” you purr. 

Jungkook’s eyes darken, one heavy exhale fanning across the lower half of your face. You readjust the leg around his waist, pull him closer just the slightest bit. “Don’t flirt with me so soon after my meltdown,” he repeats, lips brushing against yours. You chuckle. “You don’t know what that means to me.” You can roughly guess, but that opportunity is taken away when Jungkook slots his mouth against yours, soft lips molding to yours. His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, wastes no time slipping in when you open for him, hot and wet. 

Jungkook’s fingers are just as warm when he trails them up the back of your thigh, pulls you impossibly closer until the buckle on his belt is pressed flush against your mound. A tiny whimper escapes your lips, chest jumping just the slightest from the pressure. It makes Jungkook pull away with an easygoing grin, chocolate eyes half-lidded. “You okay?” he murmurs, breath a little shaky from the kiss. You nod, tangling your fingers behind his head and pulling him in close again. 

He evades your puckered lips, ducking down to press his own against your throat, right beneath your jaw. “Ugh,” you groan, digging your nails into his back through his satin shirt. “I wanted a kiss.”

Jungkook nips at your skin, this tiny gesture that couldn’t hurt even if he tried. “You always want a kiss,” he retorts softly, the quiet smack of his lips filling your ears as he bestows a series of smooches against your skin. And it’s so devastatingly tender how he handles you, like you’re made of glass and will break at a moment’s notice, like he wants to treasure your body for the rest of his—

Jungkook chomps down, hard, and you hiss. “Sit still,” he orders, soothing over the bite with one broad lick of his tongue. 

You whimper. “That hurt.” 

“And it’ll hurt even more if you keep moving,” he warns you, and before you can ask what that even means, he’s leaving another stinging bite just further down. It’s at the midway point of your neck, right in front, and you can feel your heartbeat in your throat when he sucks a painful mark over it. “There,” he says, mostly to himself. “All mine.”

Your legs tighten around him, and you fight down the wave of heat that threatens to consume you when he places one final kiss over the second mark— the hickey. 

Jungkook doesn’t usually leave them. In fact, you can rarely recall a time where he had purposefully gone out of his way to mark you up like this. It was always accidental, always unplanned, because he knew how troublesome it was for you to cover them up for work the next morning. Work, where your coworkers and your bosses and Seokjin could see. 

Brows pinched together, your brain begins to draw a connection, one that Jungkook is soon confirming himself. “Everyone will see that now,” he hums, kissing a trail down your neck. 

Of course. 

You pat the back of his head in amusement, hiding a smile against his soft locks. Before you can say anything more, maybe tease him for being so cute, there’s a hand on your hip that snaps you out of your scheming. Jungkook lifts his head, does that endearing little head shake that pushes his hair out of his eyes, before leaning in for another languid kiss. 

It’s even slower than the first, mostly because he’s a little too preoccupied with running his hands over your body now. It starts at your shoulder, teasingly snaps the strap of your bra as you push your tongue down his throat. Jungkook whimpers, that pretty sound that makes you desperate to hear more. It’s the same sound that he always makes when he wants to be pampered, wants you to kiss his entire body while he lays there and takes it. 

And you’re all too ready to act on it. 

Duty calls and you’re there to answer, tilting his head for him with your hands against his cheeks. He sighs against you, breath trembling as it tickles across your skin. That soft and tender way that makes you melt because he’s just so precious, so dreamy. 

But you’re too caught up in your plotting to remember the hand he’s got on your hip, the one that teases the waistband of your panties with one lone finger. It’s only when Jungkook pulls away from your inviting mouth, his other hand holding you down by your shoulder, that you’re snapped back into reality. His lips are swollen and red, slick from your tongue, and so tantalizingly kissable. He huffs out a breath, eyes flickering over your face. “Can I touch you,” he husks, and gives into the temptation to press a kiss against your jaw. 

“Yes, please,” you shiver, hypnotized by his hungry stare. 

Jungkook wastes no time, pressing another kiss against the bruising mark over your throat that dissolves into a series of lighter smooches he trails down between your breasts. His hands come up to cup your boobs over your bra, giving them one harsh squeeze that has you releasing a long exhale as he moves between the valley and down your tummy, over your belly button. “Open,” he says at your pubic bone, carefully guiding your legs apart until you’re spread wide for him. 

The dark panties you’re wearing tonight— the super expensive ones you had spent an hour measuring your body for the exact sizing —receive one light kiss over the front. “Always so pretty for me,” Jungkook murmurs, tracing one lone finger down the middle. Your stomach contracts when he nudges it against you, the soft material of your panties just barely pushed between your folds. 

As his hand occupies itself with some relatively light foreplay, Jungkook tasks himself with leaving another tingling mark against your skin. This time, it’s on the inside of your thigh. He starts it off slowly, a few littered kisses against the skin until he deems one spot worthy enough and abruptly sinks his teeth into you. “Not so hard,” you whimper, reaching down to bury your hands in his hair. 

Jungkook lets it go, sloppily licking over the area. “You like it hard,” he husks, meeting your gaze as he licks one, long stripe over the tender skin. “Don’t you?” You nod demurely, pressing your knuckles against your lips to hold back a tiny moan from slipping past your lips. 

With that new mark blooming over your skin, Jungkook transfers his attention to your pussy, hidden beneath the soft material of your panties. One finger hooks under the hem, tucking them aside until he can see you in your entirety. “Fuck,” he groans, pressing one light kiss over your clit that makes you inhale sharply, fingers digging into his scalp. Jungkook throws one final glance your way before letting his tongue slip past his lips, the very tip flicking against your clit. 

Your breathing becomes shallow, anticipation building in the pits of your stomach as he slowly but surely begins playing with you. His tongue is so warm and wet, nudges your throbbing clit, nose pressed against your mound. “Mmm,” he moans, eyes fluttering shut as his mouth works wonders. 

“Ah,” you gasp, whiny and high-pitched, when he dips one finger past your wet folds. The entry is seamless, his pointer finger sinking into the velvet walls of your cunt as his tongue swirls against your hardened bud. “Jungkook,” you mewl, knocking your heel against his shoulder. Jungkook huffs, suctions his lips around your clit. The cold metal of the rings he always wears— the duo set from that Chrome Hearts brand he likes so much —presses against the trembling lips of your pussy, makes your back arch when he twists his finger inside of you. 

He’s so precise with his tongue, knows just how long and how hard to lick against your pulsing clit until you’re trembling, thighs quivering. Briefly, he pulls away, flicks his hair to the side in one suave motion that lets you see his dark eyes when he glances back up at you again, covered in a thick sheen of lust that makes them appear almost black as opposed to his usual warm brown. His hands reach for the waistband of your panties, tug them off with one fluid pull. 

“So pretty for me,” he murmurs, the end of his words laced with a slight rasp that makes your hips jump. “All for me,” he says, roughly pushing his finger into you again. The harshness makes your entire body tighten up in surprise, eyes fluttering shut when he slips his middle finger alongside his pointer this time around. 

“Baby, wait,” you whimper, walls fluttering around the two digits. Jungkook leans back in, presses a chaste kiss against your clit that makes your breathing stall as he thrusts his fingers into you. 

He ignores your cries, locks his lips at the juncture where your thigh meets your body, sensitive skin that bruises all too easily when he sucks against it too hard. “Only for me,” he sighs, all pretenses discarded as he begins rapidly and roughly fucking his fingers into you. It’s intense, has your thighs quaking as he speeds them up. 

The coil in your stomach tightens, and you have to bite down on your knuckles to stop the litany of whimpers from slipping past your lips when Jungkook ducks down again. He bypasses your quivering clit, warm tongue licking at the warm, wet folds around his fingers instead. The proximity makes the tip of his round nose brush along the length of your cunt, a sight and sensation that makes you moan, his bangs harshly tugged away from his forehead to give you the perfect view. 

It’s with a particularly hard shove and twist combination of his fingers into your clenching walls that you cum, a gasp caught in your throat as your hips push toward him, chasing the feeling Jungkook bestows upon you. Your breathing is a mess, inhales too short, your exhales inconsistent, as Jungkook slows the speed of his fingers inside of you, lets your cum ooze out around them, coat his fingers and his rings. 

“No,” you cry, watching that look come over his face when he withdraws his hand, the look that usually follows him sucking your cum into his mouth. “Jungkook, you don’t have to do that—” you whine, reaching for his wrist and yanking it towards you. 

Jungkook follows, crawls back up beside you as he chases his own sticky fingers. “It’s mine,” he urges, has this weird look in his eyes you don’t think you’ve ever seen before. And just as quickly as it crosses his features, he’s lurching forward to catch his own fingers in his mouth. It’s lewd, the way his tongue wraps around them, leaves them sleek under the TV glow, tattoos and rings glistening. He has the audacity to moan, eyes fluttering shut as his devious tongue slips down between his fingers, so long and precise. There’s a tiny noise that tears itself from your throat, one that has him flickering his clouded gaze up to you as his fingers are released from between his own lips. “You like that,” he murmurs, wet fingers trailing down your cheek, capturing your chin to turn your face his way completely. 

His tongue is sinful as it slips past your lips again, the tangy taste of yourself clinging to him. His breathing feels hot, suffocating. But his kisses are so good, make your mind go blank. So blank, that the fingers that rub at your clit surprise you completely. “Kook,” you gasp, breaking away from him in surprise. 

Jungkook doesn’t let you get far, capturing your mouth with his again. The two fingers you had felt on your chin are gone, firmly pressed against your swollen clit, experimentally rubbing against it. Never mind the fact you were still sensitive from your first orgasm, thighs quivering when he drags them against the wet, soft skin. It makes you shudder, breaking away from him a second time for a desperately needed inhale of fresh air. Jungkook follows behind closely, pressing kisses over your jawline, your chin, as his fingers continue moving against your clit.

He has them pressed together, rubbing at the front of your slit where that bundle of nerves is hidden. It makes your stomach contract, hips jerking forward into the touch in an effort to match him, to speed up the process. “You were made for me, pretty girl,” Jungkook huffs against your cheek, nose pressed against your skin because he’s just so close, practically molded into your side as his fingers send rhythmic shocks of ecstasy up your spine.

Your mouth drops open, stuttered gasps filtering through your lips as Jungkook takes advantage of your sensitive body to draw out another orgasm. But there’s a weird sensation that builds in your stomach this time, one that brings with it a sense of panic. “Wait—“ you gasp, fisting the silky material of his shirt beneath one clenched fist. “Jungkook,” you warn, toes curling.

He responds with a harsh nip against your lower lip that makes you whimper. “Go ahead,” he purrs, rubbing his fingers over you at an insane speed, one that has your juices sloppily spread over your pussy, makes you buck into him and moan against his mouth. 

The feeling grows, an intense, unfamiliar thing that you rarely recall ever feeling before, gasping for air as Jungkook’s fingers caress your clit, pressing down hard. “Fffuck, fuck,” you sob, mouth opening in a silent scream, eyes rolling backwards as you feel your pussy lips contract harder than ever before, thighs quivering as your juices squirt out of you, lower body reduced to jello as Jungkook quickens his movements, wrists jerking back and forth as your pleasure sprays out of you. “Ju— Jungkook,” you wail, forcefully slamming your thighs shut when he doesn’t stop, the pleasure seemingly never-ending under such a torturous touch. “Stop—stop,” you beg, eyes filling with tears that spill over when his trapped hand manages one final rough rub against your clit accompanied by a final gush of wetness. 

Only then does he stop, leaning back on his knees to drink you in with dark eyes that make you quiver. There’s no trace of his usual post-orgasm cockiness, the smile he’ll flash you, the teasing jabs. Nothing, just a frankly terrifying gaze that has you self-consciously pressing your hands over your chest. 

Jungkook doesn’t take kindly to it, roughly snatching one of your wrists up until you’re sitting up, the traces of your own orgasm present in the damp couch cushions beneath you, inner thighs coated in a thin sheen of your own pleasure. Jungkook leans in close, nose bumping against yours. “You came like that for me,” he says quietly, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. You nod, eyes wide and teary when he reaches for the front of his shirt, giving it the same treatment he usually gives yours; two hands at the front, yanking it apart until the buttons are torn from their stitches and bouncing across your floor. 

He throws it off to the side, his tan skin highlighted by the cool tones of the television, the dark sleeve of his tattoo especially prominent. The black ink almost looks blue under this light. You’re so distracted by the perfect swirls and doodles on Jungkook’s skin that you don’t realize that same hand is reaching for you until it’s too late, long fingers wrapping around your throat to jerk you forward, head tipping back to look up at him. “Say it, sweet girl,” he murmurs, eyes half-lidded. “Tell me you’re mine.”

The fingers around your throat squeeze once and then slowly begin tightening. You gasp, meeting his hooded gaze with yours, lips quivering for a response that’s stuck in your throat, trapped by your own surprise and tightening airways. Frantically, you reach for his wrists with both hands, not to pull Jungkook’s hand away, but to ground yourself from the hazy cloud of lust the moment evokes. 

Still, your body isn’t as strong as you thought, and once Jungkook reaches a certain tightness around your throat you find yourself coughing. Instantly, he loosens his grip. But not too much. “I- I’m yours,” you rasp out, gasping for air. 

For now, it satisfies Jungkook enough for him to release you. And while you’re grateful for the rush of fresh air that fills your lungs, the phantom ghost of his grip around your throat sends a new gush of wetness between your thighs. One that grows tenfold when Jungkook reaches for his belt, undoes it easily. It comes off with one fluid motion, carelessly shucked off to the side as his attention moves to the front of his pants instead. 

He doesn’t let you sit around uselessly. “On your knees,” he says, so quietly you almost don’t hear it. “Sit on your knees facing the table.”

You blink slowly, the dry tears on your cheeks leaving stiff trails against your makeup. It takes a moment for your brain to process his request, one long second that has Jungkook pausing in his movements, leveling you with one solemn glare that eventually has you springing into action. You hastily slip off the couch, shuffling toward the coffee table between it and the television. The rug is soft beneath your knees, a luxury you can’t enjoy to the fullest because there’s a ball of excitement and fear stuck in your throat. (Right beneath your bruised skin and recuperating windpipes.) Sitting back on your calves, it feels like every nerve is standing stiff as you await his instructions. 

“Bra off,” Jungkook says from behind you, and you’re startled by the sudden ripping of stitches behind you, almost turning to look at him. He stops you with one hand around the back of your neck, drawing a surprised gasp from you. “Sit still,” he commands, your back stiff straight, eyes focused on the screen. After a beat, Jungkook lets you go, pats the back of your head gingerly. “Good girl.”

A whimper catches in your throat at the praise, and you barely manage to bite down on it in time, hurriedly reaching behind you. Your hands fidget over the clasps on your bra, and you nearly jump out of your skin when one lone finger traces down your spine, undoing your bra for you. You don’t know why, but you say, “thank you.”

The television changes scenes in front of you, the bright colors a stark contrast to the darkness of Jungkook’s eyes. Your hands tremble in front of you, fingers anxiously tangling with each other. A few inches beside you, there’s a dark red box filled with the flowers from—

Suddenly, your vision goes dark, hands instinctively reaching up to your eyes. The pads of your fingers come in contact with a soft material, smooth and silky. Just like— “Is this… ?” you murmur, hands sliding across the makeshift blindfold Jungkook’s made for you, the same texture as his shirt had been. 

He doesn’t grace you with an answer, just a hand against your hip as he, presumably, settles behind you. “Does it matter?” Jungkook says instead, voice all too close to your ear. Your entire body locks up, hands quickly returning to their spot against the coffee table. 

Just as you’d suspected, Jungkook is all too close now, hands crawling over your body. They start at your waist, massage the skin tenderly, lovingly, before gliding up to cup your breasts. You shiver, a quiet exhale escaping you as Jungkook rubs his palms over your boobs, trapping your stiff nipples between his fingers. A sound threatens to escape you, and you trap it behind a bitten lip, fists clenched against the table before you. “You know,” Jungkook says conversationally, like he’s not pinching your nipples enough to make you squirm. “Who else do you think can make you come like this?”

You brain lags. “W- What?” you stutter, thighs pressing together to ward away the arousal. Not like they’re already sticky from before, from when Jungkook had made you squirt. 

Jungkook doesn’t miss a beat, pressing a kiss against your shoulder that he trails up to your ear, nibbling at your earlobe. “Who else,” he says slowly, “can make you come like this?”

It’s not a trick question— no one could. You tell Jungkook as much. “I— no one,” you answer, rolling your lips in when he kisses the tender spot beneath your ear again. 

His kisses feel loud, but not as loud as his voice when he says, “exactly.” You swallow, gripping at the edge of the coffee table when he releases your boobs, trails one hand between your thighs, the other around your throat to pull you backwards against his chest. It makes your hands flail, landing against the tops of his thick thighs. 

Jungkook holds you close, fingers tightening around your throat teasingly. “No one else can please you like you want,” he exhales, letting his fingers trail over your skin. “Not the guy on tv, not your exes, not the fucking loser at your job,” he hisses, lips against your ear. “No one,” he reiterates, voice softer now as he presses a kiss against you. “No one but me.”

And it’s true. 

You can’t even muster your usual mouthy, bratty attitude when Jungkook serves you cold hard facts like this. Not when you can feel his aching member press against the small of your back, rest perfectly in the slight dip between your ass cheeks. “Isn’t that right, sweet girl?” he murmurs, voice low. 

You nod, tummy tightening when he uses the hand between your thighs to spread them apart. “Only you,” you agree, voice feathery.

Jungkook hides a grin against your skin, a mean chuckle escaping him when he rests his forehead against your shoulder. “Fuck,” he says, releasing your throat. “Such a good girl,” he praises, hands on your hips again. He uses them to encourage you up onto your knees, hips bumping into the edge of the table as he shuffles you forward. “Bend,” he says quietly, palm flat on the center of your back, pushing you down until your belly button is pressed against the cold wood, boobs swinging forward just the slightest. “Perfect.”

Jungkook shuffles up behind you, soothes a hand over your hip when you flinch at the first press of his cock against your folds. “You’re okay,” he comforts, voice like honey as he lines himself up. Your folds are slippery and wet, loose from your arousal and the two orgasms he’s already given you. 

Despite all that, the first push of his engorged cock past the tight muscles makes you gasp. “Baby, that’s,” you moan, nails scratching against the coffee table to make a sound that you would otherwise find uncomfortable. “I—“

Jungkook pants behind you, cock sinking further and further in. “I’ve got you,” he husks. His voice is like the light at the end of the tunnel, your dark vision forcing you to rely on him entirely as he guides you through the motions. “Made for me,” he repeats, voice airy.

You nod jerkily, arms trembling as his cock plunges deeper inside of you. “Made for you,” you gasp, head falling forward, forehead pressed against the cold surface in front of you. 

He moans, and there’s one deafening moment of silence when he finally reaches the hilt, soft pubic hairs at the base of his cock brushing against your folds. It’s a familiar sensation, having him buried inside of you, but it’s always different when he’s doing it from behind. He always feels fuller, bigger, mushroom tip practically kissing your cervix. 

“Kook,” you whimper, walls unintentionally contracting around him when he lingers a second too long. “Move.”

“Fuck, fuck,” he curses behind you. “I know, it’s just—“ he pauses, squeezes your hip so hard, you’re certain it’ll bruise. “I wanna… y’know,” he groans, dropping his head against your back, warm breath fanning across your slightly sweaty skin. 

It makes something in your stomach click into place, shifting back just the slightest. The small drag around your lips makes you brave. “Then do it,” you urge, desperate for any sort of friction. 

Jungkook practically growls, bucking into you once. “No,” he says, like he’s battling with himself, faced with a mental hurdle he can only cross alone. “You don’t understand,” he sneers, suddenly snapping back into position behind you, pulling you flush against his pelvis once more. It makes you whimper. 

“I kinda do—“

“You don’t,” Jungkook hisses, forcefully thrusting his hips into you enough to make your hips knock painfully against the edge of the coffee table, a startled moan falling from between your lips. And from there, it’s like you’ve unleashed a beast, because Jungkook shows you no mercy as he begins fucking you, his fat cock slipping in and out of you, his angry head flirting with your entrance. “I wanna fucking breed you,” he sneers, fingers digging into the skin around your waist to hold you still as he bucks his hips forward.

His vulgarity makes your skin heat up, the warmth probably tangible over your sloppily made blindfold, eyes wide despite the fabric that covers them. “That—” you gasp, thighs trembling with each powerful thrust. 

“It’s too much, I fucking know,” he huffs dryly, releasing one hip to press against your shoulders, roughly shoving you forward until your breasts are pressed against the surface, arms bent up beside you to stop yourself from hitting your head. “But— But,” he shudders, suddenly stopping his thrusts to grind his cock against you instead, pussy lips quivering around his girthy member. “I wanna,” he pants, “wanna see you so fucking full of me, because— you’re mine, __,” he seethes, “right?”

You nod blindly, dumbly, brain too flooded with the stimulation he’s bestowing upon you to think properly. “I- I am,” you confirm, gasping for air. “And you’re mine,” you manage to get out, one hand slapping down against the coffee table when he draws his cock out, slams himself back into you quickly. 

“I’m yours,” Jungkook slurs behind you, slowly picking up his pace again. The hand on your back lets go, and it’s with trembling arms that you manage to push yourself back onto your forearms, one hand blindly reaching for the hand he’s got gripping at your hips. 

“Oh my god,” you whimper, the sounds coming from your connected bodies so lewd and obscene, disgustingly wet when Jungkook slips back inside. He surges forward again, and you try to catch your balance, knees quivering underneath the force of his thrusts. Your hand slides over the tabletop in a feeble effort to hold onto something, anything. You can’t see, and even if you could there’s not much to hold onto on a flat surface. 

Except the box your hand knocks into. Your confusion lasts for only about a second because then Jungkook is ramming his cock into you, over and over, until you’re certain your hips are going to bruise and your knees are going to give out. Jungkook’s moans are soft and feathery, sighs that fan over your shoulder and make your back arch, eyes rolling backwards for the briefest second as if you were possessed. 

“Mine,” he whimpers, desperate and needy, fingernails digging into your skin as he pushes on. “Gonna be mine forever,” he growls. “Gonna— Gonna be so pretty and big,” he moans, “tits so fucking full.” The image he puts in your mind makes you dizzy. 

You nod dumbly, knuckles bumping against the box a second time. “Jungkook,” you choke out, fingers blindly nudging the box aside. But there’s no strength behind it, your entire body feeling weak and useless, all the energy concentrated in the coil in your stomach, the one that grows and tightens with every entrance of Jungkook’s cock into your pulsing walls. “There’s— There’s something,” you gasp, pinky finger tapping against it.

Behind you, Jungkook stills, harsh breaths deafeningly loud. Louder than the television and the corny music that plays, the mindless chatter of the characters you couldn’t name even if you tried. “Why would you...” Jungkook huffs, irritation lacing his words.

You don’t get to question it, because a second later his finger is tucking itself beneath your blindfold, yanking it off carelessly. It makes your head crane backwards, a tiny yelp torn from your lips as the blinding glow of the TV attacks your poor eyes at full force. Jungkook’s long since stopped his rapid thrusts, and it’s only when you glance off to the side that you realize why. 

It’s the stupid box of flowers Seokjin had sent you, the one Jungkook had placed on the coffee table when you first got home. 

Behind you, Jungkook releases one long exhale, both of you looking at the arrangement with various degrees of discomfort. “Did you like them,” he murmurs, cock throbbing inside of you. 

You shake your head, a soft, “no,” falling from your lips. The muscles in your thighs quiver like mad. 

Jungkook says nothing, but you watch as one inked arm stretches out from behind you, the movement of his hips pushing his cock deeper into you. A tiny whimper catches in your throat, watching as Jungkook hooks a finger over the lip of the box. One swift tug has it gliding over the tabletop, coming to a stop right beside your forearm. Jungkook leans back, the silence terrifying. 

“Did you think they were pretty?” he asks, tracing one finger down your spine. Your lower lip trembles as your eyes scan over the bouquet, at the pretty color selection and lovely scent that joined together to overwhelm your senses. 

“No,” you say, but it feels like a lie.

And Jungkook thinks so too, wrapping one hand around your throat and pulling you back forcefully. It’s the same as he did earlier, but with his cock deep inside your pussy, it sends a shock throughout your entire nervous system, a sob tearing itself from within you as he unintentionally pushes himself deeper inside. “Did you,” he says a second time, practically seething, “think Seokjin’s flowers were pretty?”

Your eyes flicker nervously across the screen in front of you, but everything is a blur, Jungkook’s harsh breathing against your ear. “Yes,” you confess, whimpering when his fingers tighten around your throat, press down against your windpipe as he inhales sharply. “But they’re just flow—“ He squeezes your throat so hard, your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets, mind growing fuzzy. Eventually, he lets go and you dissolve into a fit of coughs, bent over the coffee table again as Jungkook slips his stiff cock out from within you. “I’m sorry,” you sniffle, throwing a teary-eyed look over your shoulder.

What you’re not expecting is for Jungkook to grab that same shoulder and roughly push you onto your side away from the coffee table, falling onto the fluffy rug as he shoves you down. “Something pretty for a pretty girl,” he sneers, biting down a frankly maniacal grin.

“What?” you exhale, probably looking at him with the same maniacal look in your eyes. 

(You were made for each other, so crazy and in love.)

Jungkook stretches one toned arm out, and you flinch when he uses that same beautiful arm to send the box of flowers flying over the edge of the coffee table, a hard thwack resounding throughout the room when they land face down on the other side, petals against the floor, water dripping out from inside. 

With those out of the way, Jungkook wastes no time flipping you over, face shoved down against the soft rug as he angles your hips up. “Thinking about someone else when I’m right here,” he growls, ramming his cock back into you with no warning. You sob, clawing at nothing as he bucks forward. “What a mean girl,” Jungkook scolds. 

“I- I wasn’t,” you defend weakly, shivering as he snaps his hips against you, the rug irritating your cheek when the motion sends you forward. Jungkook uses the hands on your hips to pull you back, your skin clapping together loudly. 

“You think Seokjin would— would fuck you like this?” he spits, using you like a toy as he fucks basically for himself, cock sliding in and out of your squelching walls. “You think he’d push you down and—and call you a stupid girl?” 

You shake your head, eyes squeezed shut to fight the wave of tears threatening your waterline. Truthfully, it doesn’t make much of a difference, especially not when Jungkook yanks your hips back again, your entrance sensitive from all the friction. “No, no,” you sob. ”He wouldn't.”

Jungkook scoffs, not bothering to slow his pace down. “Of course he wouldn’t,” he spits, and then, strikes your ass. Two hard cracks of his palm, rings and all, against the globes of your ass. You wail, unconsciously jerking away only for Jungkook to drag you back. “Stupid girl,” Jungkook sighs, cock twitching inside of you. You can feel the beads of precum oozing out from the tip of his cock inside you, their warmth making you shudder. 

Your other ass cheek receives the same treatment, two harsh smacks that leave the skin tingling, blood rising to the surface. “Stupid, stupid girl,” he repeats, palms rubbing over your cheeks for a brief second, only to strike down again. “Aren’t you?” You nod, fat tears dripping out of the corner of your eyes and down onto the fluffy rug beneath you. Your behind stings, pain blossoming over your skin. But it’s the good kind, the one that has drool escaping from the corner of your lips from how overwhelmed it leaves you. 

“I- I’m a stupid girl,” you agree, your words punctuated by a series of tiny sobs and sniffles. Your walls feel sensitive, raw, from his thrusts. You’re ready to come, trembling hands slithering down to reach for your clit. 

“Don’t,” Jungkook warns, snatching your arm up and twisting it behind you. 

You cry, tears and drool against the rug. “I wanna come,” you whimper, trying your other hand only for it to meet a similar demise. “Please,” you sniffle, turning your face the other way as if the angle will somehow be different. 

“You don’t come until I say so,” Jungkook hisses, using his grip on your wrists to tug you onto his cock. You moan, choke on your own saliva from the force, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix for real this time. It renders you stupid, just like Jungkook had called you, chin trembling as your eyes roll backwards. Behind you, Jungkook grunts something deep and raspy. “Fffuck,” he spits, pistoning his hips into your inviting heat. “You were doing so good tonight—“ a particular brutal buck of his hips, a loud moan torn from your lips “—but first those fucking flowers and now this?”

The rhythm of his deep thrusts cut your moans into stuttered little cries, your words broken with every ram of his cock inside of you. Your walls feel worn, every brush sending a tingling shock up your spine. “I- I’m sorry,” you weep, shoulders shaking from your own tears and the rumbling orgasm that’s just about ready to snap. 

Jungkook says nothing, too busy shoving his cock inside of you to grace you with a response. Instead, you’re subjected to his relentless thrusts, sharp gasps from his pretty mouth. “Fuck,” he pants, releasing your wrists after one particular thrusts, your walls clenching around him painfully when he draws his cock out. 

“I can’t,” you sniffle, knees giving out before he can catch you, sadly sinking down onto the plush rug. “Kook, I—”

Jungkook makes a sound, something between a growl and a roar in the back of his throat as he follows behind you, planting two firm hands on the sides of your head to use as leverage to fuck himself in. With your thighs pressed flat together, the squeeze is tighter than ever before, and your eyes roll backwards as he gets to work, walls fluttering from the overstimulation. 

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he pants, all games thrown aside as he begins pounding his cock past your folds, deep into your contracting walls, until that tight spring in your stomach gives out and you’re clenching up beneath him, entire body going stiff for one long beat. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you weep, thighs quivering as you cream his cock, make his movements so slippery and wet, almost dangerous when he’s going this fast. His name falls from your trembling lips, every nickname and pet name you’ve ever given him mindlessly blubbered through your orgasm. Jungkook pays you no mind, thighs tensing up as he chases his high, short breaths and moans filling the space as he fucks himself into you. Until, finally, a few deep strokes later, he’s coming with a shuddered cry of your name on his tongue, collapsing over you, forehead pressed to your back as he catches his breath. 

“Fuck,” he groans one last time, body going slack very quickly. He slumps down beside you, softening cock slipping out of your tender folds. 

The floor between the coffee table and the couch is dark, the television glow not reaching down here. Even still, the sweat clinging to Jungkook makes him look like a sparkly Twilight vampire, the dip between his pecs collecting the smallest pool of sweat. You can’t stop yourself from running your pointer finger along the skin, over his nipple. His pec jumps deliciously under the attention. “Stop,” Jungkook sighs, catching your wrist in his, pressing his lips to your knuckles in an attempt to distract you. “Or I’ll really get you pregnant next time.”

You push yourself onto your elbows, pinching his doughy cheek. “You won’t,” you tease. Jungkook flicks his hair away from his eyes to level you with a look you’ve never seen before, not a trace of his usual post-sex playfulness to be found. It has you retracting your hand, eyes wide when he doesn’t stand down. Still, you can’t lose. “...No you won’t,” you repeat, quieter, almost unsure. Almost a question. 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, tugging you into his arms. He’s all sweaty and sticky, just like you. He’s lucky he doesn’t have four separate loads of cum— three from you, one from him —sticking between his thighs. “Keep telling yourself that,” he pants, so smoothly. Too smoothly. It makes you clench your thighs, something Jungkook doesn’t miss. “Stop it,” he warns a second time.

“You’re just so dreamy,” you whine, sitting back up to play with his hand. “Like, when you made me squirt?” He chuckles softly, eyes fluttering shut. “Not gonna lie, I thought I saw the answer to the universe for a second.” 

He’s worn out today, more than usual, that he doesn’t bother gracing you with a response. But it had been a long day for Jungkook; from planning an entire date, to the Seokjin debacle, to the crazy hot sex he’d gifted you. It was only reasonable. You reward his efforts with a soft peck against his cheek that makes him smile, a light blush painting his cheeks. “You did good today,” you hum, patting chest comfortingly. 

“Felt like I was in a Viki drama,” he confesses after a moment, has that tiny smile on his face that makes the apples of his cheeks especially round, especially cute. “The kind that have twelve plot lines going on.”

You laugh, snuggling beside him. The rug feels dirty, but so do you so the feeling is cancelled out or whatever. “You’d be the Park Seojoon of any Viki drama,” you tell him, and Jungkook laughs.

That loud and airy one he reserves only for you. 

epilogue

Namjoon calls Jungkook’s phone a little after eleven, talking your ear off about some date he’d gone on while Jungkook is in the shower. You tell him about what happened with Seokjin and like all respectable college mentors, he just about flips. “You can sue him,” Namjoon hisses, furious for you. Not that you aren’t anymore, but in a weird act of impulsiveness, Jungkook had gone outside and ran the stupid box of flowers over with his car as you watched from the open window of your apartment. It was weirdly cathartic. 

He’s in the shower now, humming the lyrics to one of the songs from Secretary Kim, a song called It’s You by Jeong Sewoon (thank you, Shazam), that makes every inch of your body overflow with adoration when he hits that long note. Anyway, you’re perusing the rest of the streaming service for a movie to watch. Jungkook said you couldn’t watch Train to Busan tonight, something about it ruining the mood. So now you’re debating between a historical romcom or a modern romcom. 

Over the line, Namjoon is doing all the raging for you. “Men are trash,” he huffs one last time, before eventually letting it go. (For now.) “Hey, do you know how to cover up hickeys?” he asks suddenly, just as Jungkook reappears in the living room. His skin is glowing, looking like the hottest man alive. The window is still open, a feeble attempt to air out the smell of sex in the room, and the draft makes Jungkook shiver because his hair is still a little wet. 

“Hickeys?” you repeat, stretching a hand out for him as he rounds the couch. Jungkook takes it, places a soft smooch against your knuckles, close to your promise ring. Your heartbeat stutters just as Namjoon hums. 

“Yeah, this girl,” he says, cutting himself off with a laugh. One you recognize all too well because it’s the same one you let out when you talk about Jungkook to other people. Said boy settles close beside you, leans his cheek against your head when you snuggle into his neck. As soon as he’s there, you lose all rights to the remote, watching as Jungkook completely disregards all your searching just to click back onto Secretary Kim. He had missed a whole episode. “We went a little crazy tonight—“ you gag at the image Namjoon places in your head “—and Doyeon bites kinda hard—“

“Doyeon?” you interrupt, all mental processes coming to an abrupt halt as the name bounces around your mind. Jungkook, having mastered the art of listening in on your phone calls by now, freezes beside you. “You know a Doyeon?” 

“Yeah!” Namjoon says excitedly as you sit up. Jungkook meets your gaze, big Bambi eyes giving the performance of a lifetime, and gives your this overly innocent shrug of his shoulders that tells you more about what he does know than what he doesn’t. “Kim Doyeon. She went to your school— actually, she graduated with you and Kook.”

The world comes to a complete stop as you glare at Jungkook, his panicked features cueing you in to the fact he was aware of this, as you’d suspected. “Namjoon,” you say slowly, fist tightening around Jungkook’s phone. “Are you aware you’re fucking my best friend?” 

There’s a long silence on the other end, Namjoon presumably processing the information while Jungkook tries to calm the boiling anger within you. “He didn’t know,” Jungkook whispers, big pretty eyes on you as he tries to save Namjoon from you. 

All his efforts are in vain when Namjoon clears his throat and so eloquently says, “and you’re fucking my best friend?”

epi-epilogue

The Best Buy employee doesn’t ask questions when you and Jungkook go in to get your cracked phone screens repaired. He does, however, give Jungkook an over-exuberant sales pitch on a brand new line of computer monitors that are almost as big as the television at your house. 

You try to save him from the dangerous hands of capitalism, but the Hello Kitty bandaids decorating your neck are itchy, the skin still so tender, so sometimes it’s wiser to let him waste his money than argue otherwise. 

“Good girl,” Jungkook says as he swings your arms back and forth on your walk to the car, impressed by the fact you didn’t argue with him in a Best Buy today. “My perceptions and understanding of you in my life make me happy,” he beams, too smiley as he unlocks the doors. 

“Shut up,” you glare, painfully tearing the stupid bandaids off your neck as soon as you get in, brandishing the blossoming hickeys Jungkook had so graciously given you last night. At the sight, he bites down a smile. “You’re about to perceive and understand these fists.” 

And Jungkook smiles— he always smiles —as he leans over the center console to press his mouth against the darkened skin at the front of your neck, mindlessly rubbing his thumb over your promise ring. “Perceive this love,” he says, so cheesy it makes you gag. 

“Goddd,” you groan, pushing him away before he can see the smile on your face. “Someone get this man a Viki deal.”

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the mondstadt crew

characters included: diluc, kaeya, and jean

gn! reader as always <3

tw: fluff??? domesticity??? crack??? ideal relationships w people who will never be real??? also mentions of alcohol!

an: so i’m back w a sequel to my “fluff/relationships w the liyue crew” since you guys seemed to really like it <3 thank you my heart is literally melting 😩 this post was getting too long so i excluded some of the characters but expect a part. 2 (more like part 3 but part 2 to the mondstadt version)! 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

diluc

man. this MAN.

that’s it, that’s the headcanon. 

he would literally be the most doting lover in the softest ways

SUCH a soft romantic like you thought you knew love??? nah this man will show you what love is

will constantly leave you things around the winery to convey his silent thank you’s and appreciation for you putting up with him being busy for most of the day

it’s always the most thoughtful things ever too like-

you mentioned how nice it would be to have some fresh lemonade with the hotter weather outside but it was too late in the day to actually go to the market in search of fresh lemons 

the next day you walked downstairs only to be greeted with a pitcher of cool lemonade with a side of lemon bars

there was a note attached to the handle of the pitcher <3 

“i recall you mentioning how lemonade would be perfect for the warmer weather so i decided to make some for you this morning. i hope it’s still cool by the time you drink it. love, d” 

pls sir your hand in marriage

he secretly loves it when you usher him to bed after waking up in the dead of night to see him working by candlelight on reports 

soft hands on his cheeks gently whispering about how, it’s been far too long and come to bed, darling and there will be time for this in the morning

his protests are light given the dark purple hues under his crimson eyes but he’ll still make a little fuss 

don’t let this man fool you tho he’s so so touched that you care enough to check up on him and drag him to bed!!

sometimes on the days he has a bit more free time, the two of you will quickly grab your dinners and race to the highest spot in the winery to watch the setting sun

these moments are always filled with laughter, something you’ve found you’re easily able to pull out of diluc, simply because it’s you 

uncontrollable sobbing

he would let you paint his nails black like the angsty man he is 

frankly he would let you do anything to him if it makes you happy <3 

ok but wait diluc w bLACK NAILS?? AND RINGS??? i would die on the spot ⚰️

on the topic of makeup, this man is surprisingly really good w it 

i like to think he learned after practicing on kaeya when they were younger bc kaeya was really into makeup

you found out after babysitting klee one day and trying failing to draw eyeliner on the sweet girl after her “big brother ‘bedo!”

you hastily grabbed some wipes, gently wiping off the messed up design before attempting to dive back in 

diluc however, had some down time so he decided to check up on his favorite chaotic duo 

only to be met with a pile of dirtied makeup wipes, your frustrated expression, and klee’s growing jitteriness 

swiftly moving to your side, he quietly asked if you needed help 

you glanced up quizzically before handing him the eyeliner, already looking around to find more makeup wipes when this inevitably goes wrong 

to your utter surprise tho the eyeliner is perfect??? two perfect winged lines??? in less than a minute??? WHAT

you just stood there like 😦 before diluc got back up and handed you the eyeliner 

you were short-circuiting, klee was ecstatic, diluc was worried about you 

ok last thing abt diluc 

crack! warning but the both of you like lowkey pranking kaeya 

for diluc it’s revenge on his annoying brother; for you it’s good - natured sibling rivalry fun 

every time the two of you see kaeya, one of you always swipes something of his 

small things really, it could be a pen or a handkerchief

one time, diluc swiped kaeya’s spare eyepatch and from the looks of it, kaeya’s only spare black eyepatch bc he was frantically looking for it yk he’s desperate when he even asked diluc if he saw it

the two of you spent an hour nearly laughing your asses off 

all in all, life w him is so sweet 

kaeya

pretty boy? pretty boy. 

while i can’t guarantee stability, life would never be boring w this man that’s for sure

piggy back rides 🗣 piggy back rides 🗣 piggy back rides 

he LOVES it, the feel of you on his back while he’s walking around mondstadt most likely carrying you to your commission 

he finds it comforting especially since he can hear the rumble of your voice against him while you recount stories, or just babble on about everything under the sun 

he is SO dramatic so obviously when y’all reach the site of the commission he has to kill all the monsters even tho the both of you agreed to split it up evenly 

he makes quick work of his set before stealing some of yours much to your chagrin 

you scold him but can you really be mad at him when he looks drop dead gorgeous freezing the hilichurls the answer is no, no you cannot be

oh my god ok wait-

he does this thing where he tries to spook you in public 

so say you’re getting groceries at the mondstadt general store

you round the corner just minding your own business, looking around, taking in the sunshine 

and suddenly you just hear someone drop in behind you but before you can register anything you hear a soft “boo” and hands circle your waist 

you jump SIKE let’s be honest you shrieked 

meanwhile kaeya’s just laughing his ass off 

you can hear his rich peals of laughter while you attempt to regain your bearings 

he does this so often you SHOULD be used to it but you really aren’t bc mans is SNEAKY-

he cards his fingers in your hair whenever you’re speaking 

he doesn’t know why, it’s just a cute habit and he finds the feel of his fingers in your hair soothing

oH on the topic of comfort, kaeya really likes resting two fingers on the back of your neck???

ik he seems like the type to throw his arm around your shoulder which yes he totally is but during more serious conversations his hand automatically seeks out the warmth of your neck 

your neck feels amazing especially during the warmer months due to his chilly fingers contrasting with your warm skin  

he likes that he’s able to access such a vulnerable part of you and you would willingly let him 

HE GETS YOU MATCHING OUTFITS

no i will NOT take criticism on this i just kNOW he’s that type of guy

it would be those stupid “i’m his” and “they’re mine” sweatshirts like BYE 

it’s so cringy but for some reason it’s oddly adorable and you truly despise it but you can’t seem to say no whenever he asks 

you pretend to ignore the look of pity diluc throws your way whenever he sees you like this

kaeya really loves accessories so i think he would be the type to give you a promise ring or something similar to show that he truly does care for you 

he would brush it off, flirting a little like usual before handing you the ring 

with the way his cheeks softly darken though, you know he’s being genuine 

TICKLE FIGHTS ik i mentioned this for childe but shhhh

he has tickle fingers??? his hands just loOK like they’re itching to tickle someone so you’ll most likely be the unfortunate victim 

he will not show you mercy. at all. he’ll tickle you until there are tears streaming from your eyes, your face is hot, and your voice is hoarse from laughing so damn hard 

it gives him such a rush of serotonin its SO CUTE 

i feel like this goes without saying but he’s super into pda,,, anything and everything is on the table 

hand holding? duh. ass grabs? ofc. carrying you bridal style around mondstadt? why not 

ik he’s typically very playful but once the relationship reaches a certain stage, he’ll slowly start to let down the walls that surround his facade 

very very slowly show you the more realistic parts of him 

the real, damaged pieces of his soul 

he’ll be carefully monitoring your reaction though, any sign of fear or disgust will have him recoiling within himself again and you most likely will never see his true nature ever again 

SO BE CAREFUL 👹

once you’ve seen the parts of him he’s offered to you, the hushed whispers of his past, and the uncertain lines of his future, he will take off his eyepatch 

pretends like he’s not super nervous but he’s SWEATING- 

the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen though hands down 

you can understand why he covers it up but you would like it if he felt comfortable enough to take off the eyepatch occasionally when he’s with you 

also!!! sleeps with his eyepatch side facing you (in the event he wears it to bed) 

if this happens you KNOW he trusts you bc it’s his blindside <3 

anyways life w kaeya will never be boring but he is a very complicated man 

stay with him though, i promise it’ll be worth it 

jean

the key to jean’s heart is coffee and food 

GET HER COFFEE AND FOOD

i am begging you she deserves it 😭

the poor woman works so hard bc the knights are so mf understaffed, this is literally the best way you can ever show her your love and appreciation when she has work

she will MELT if you have a hot shower and dinner waiting for her when she inevitably returns later than she promised

will completely refuse at first with, “you did not have to do this, it’s too much” but shush her as you shOULD bc she deserves the entire world 

she’s the definition of “you do something for me, i’ll return the favor ten times grander”

you leave a flower on her desk bc it reminded you of her??? you’ll wake up to find a whole bouquet of the prettiest windwheel asters you’ve ever seen the next morning along with a thank you note

she’s so sweet BYE

she gets flustered extremely easily so you obviously use this as an opportunity to tease her 

when you’re in public rest your hand on her waist and inch it higher until your hand is underneath her shirt and in contact with her warm skin 

she’ll actually short-circuit its quite adorable 

sometimes y’all will be cuddling and you’ll hear whispers of her insecurities 

“am i a good grand master? will i ever be as valiant as vanessa?”

reassure her!!! tell her that she doesn’t need to be like vanessa, she’s already amazing as jean 

if you haven’t seen her in awhile, track her down and schedule a lunch date 

she never misses appointments and if it’s for you, she’ll gladly make time to see you even if she has to stay up even later than usual 

OH-

GIVE HER MASSAGES 

she has so much tension and the sorest muscles from hunching over papers and running around on errands 

if you sneak into her office and quietly stand behind her before gently pushing down on the sore tendons of her neck, she’ll genuinely fall over on her desk 

so make sure you steady her 😀

after you feel how tight her muscles are though, you drag her to barbara bc she needs a healer asap 😭

while most of your time is spent in her office - you helping out in the ways you can while jean is overseeing knight duties - you still have your fair share of life outside of the favonius headquarters

jean never likes to sit still so whenever you have free time, the both of you head off looking for monsters to clear

bouken da bouken???

adventuring w jean is seriously the funnest thing you could ever do 

it’s just non-stop you accidentally getting into trouble and her having to come help you 

even tho the both of you are dead tired after fighting, what? 20 hilichurl camps now??? the laughter and joy in your eyes shows how you both truly loved every minute of it

it’s both a stress reliever, good fun, and a work-out <3

you’re definitely prone to getting dragged to angel’s share w kaeya 

kaeya and jean sometimes hang out after work at the tavern so inevitably you’re dragged along too 

all three of you are drunk out of your minds which just makes everything a MILLION times funnier 

kaeya slurring over his words makes the two of you start cackling endlessly while diluc just shakes his head making sure to not give you more wine despite your pleas 

angel’s share ft. kaeya and bartender diluc are always the best times fr fr 

life with her literally feels like y’all are married 

so much domesticity it’s so NICE ALJDKSFH

your house is always so clean and the color scheme is impeccable bc jean has such a good eye 

you have a chore schedule 😎 but it almost never works out bc jean ends up doing everything without you knowing- 

you always confront her abt it and she’s like 😁 “i had some time so i did them! no worries tho” like i- time??? where bitc-

oH- she has amazing style so you can bet shopping w her is literally the best experience 

she takes you to all of the hidden gems some places lisa recommended and helps you pick out things 

will 100% get really blushy if you come out in something and ask her for her opinion tho she’s literally the cutest

basically jean is a sweet girl who deserves the entirety of teyvat that is all. 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[drwcn]

I loved your fem lwj take on things. How would thibgs go if WWX was the lady? Other than ppl assuming she stood up for the Wens bcs she jad feelings for WN ( and that Yuan was hers)

Heyyy friend, I think I’ve seen a couple of girl!wwx fics floating around in ao3 so i certainly won’t be the first :P.

Also I completely misread your ask initially, I thought you were asking me what I think would happen if A-Yuan was WWX’s kid, and I was like oh?? But then I realize wait... I can make it worse.  

Today, I decided that my mortal soul doesn’t matter, so here we go. Let’s see how accursed I can make this idea: 

[1]

It started with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Wanyin had set out for the Burial Mount with the explicit goal of throttling speaking with Wei Wuxian, but what greeted him at the entrance of the “Demon Subduing Palace” — more of a cave than anything really — was not his martial sister, but Wen Ning. Well, what had once been Wen Ning.

Black veins ran across his pale, ashen face, down his equally ashen neck , and into the major veins beneath his clavicles covered by the collars of his black threadbare robes. Lifeless eyes, white as his skin, stared into a void the living could not see. There were talismans littering his body, and Jiang Cheng knew that when he spoke to this fierce corpse, he was not speaking to the young Wen boy, but to his mistress who controlled him with her demonic cultivation. 

Wei Wuxian refused to face him. Refused him explanation. Refused him closure.

“Er-jie!” Jiang Cheng screamed into the stony expressionless face of Wen Qionglin. “If you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!!” 

There was no response. 

Suddenly, just as Jiang Cheng was about to kick and fight his way into the cave, Wen Ning thrusted out his right fist, and in his grasp was a piece of purple silk. Jiang Cheng unfolded the silk, vaguely recognizing that it had been cut from someone’s robe, and saw what was wrapped within was a slip of parchment.

割袍断义*, the paper read. Tell the world that I, Wei Wuxian, first disciple of Yunmeng Jiang has forever defected (Note: 割袍断义- to rip one's robe as a sign of repudiating a sworn brotherhood (idiom)).

With this, there was nothing left to say. Hurt and furious, Jiang Wanyin threw the piece of parchment onto the dirt ground, grinded his heel down on it, and left the Burial Mount without ever having drawn Sandu. 

Inside the cave, Wen Qing held Wei Wuxian’s hand. “Why won’t you just tell him? He’s your brother; he can help you, you can —” 

Wei Wuxian’s mile long stare seemed to be gazing at something — someone — very far away. Slowly, she placed her other palm over her belly, which horrifically was already starting to round out. “Nobody can help me now, Qing-jie.”

“I can,” said Wen Qing, blunt as ever. “I can make it go away, if you want.”

“No.” A droplet of tear escaped pass long lashes. “No.” 

[2] 

It continued with Jiang Cheng.

On a snowy night, the first winter after Wei Wuxian escaped with the Wen remnants to the Burial Mount, Jiang Cheng was rudely awakened from his slumber by a less-than-stealthy intruder breaking and entering into his bed chamber.

Zidian whipped through the air, lighting the room with her eerie violet glow, before the intruder could think to take one more step. It was a man, judging from his silhouette colliding against the wall and the pained groan he made in response. The very next second, the tail of Zidian coiled tightly around his neck and dragged him across the floor towards beneath Jiang Cheng’s waiting foot. 

The Sect Master of Yunmeng Jiang summoned Sandu, ready to deliver the final strike, but just as his blade sailed towards the intruder’s chest, a pale arm jutted upwards, blocking Sandu’s descent and revealing a pale hand holding a … a... 

Even in the dark, Jiang Cheng immediately recognized the mahogany comb. 

“Jiang — ! Zongzhu —!” The man croaked out urgently, throat still stomped on by Jiang Cheng’s foot. It was - it was Wen Ning?!

Jiang Cheng looked him over. He was pale, yes, but his eyes appeared human. His hair was brushed and haphazardly done up in a farmer’s top knot. He was wearing farmer’s clothing too, probably more inconspicuous for travel than his Ghost General getup.  

“Jiang-zongzhu! P—please!!”

No, impossible. 

“Wei — Wei-guniang—”

Jiang Cheng lifted his foot and dragged Wen Ning up in a split second. “What’s wrong with Wei Wuxian?!”  Wen Ning coughed and shook his head desperately. “No time to explain. My sister asked me to fetch you. Please, you have to come! Wei-guniang’s life is in danger! If you won’t come, I’ll...I’ll have to go to Gusu, and I don’t know if - if -” 

Jiang Cheng followed Wen Ning. 

For speed, they travelled by sword, but even so, dawn was breaking by the time they arrived. The crowd of Burial Mount’s villagers huddling anxiously outside of the Demon Subduing Palace parted for them upon their arrival. Jiang Cheng took a moment to gather himself and square his shoulders. Whatever it was; he was ready.  

He was wrong. None of the dozens of scenario he had agonized over on the flight here could have prepared him for what awaited him inside. 

Wen Qing, pale and drenched in sweat, was near complete spiritual collapse, and without Wen Qing’s spiritual energy sustaining her, the single tenuous thread by which Wei Wuxian’s life hung on would have undoubtedly snapped under the toil and devastation her body had been put through. 

There was so much blood, so, so much blood everywhere, and amidst the blood, there was a baby. 

Fuck. 

Jiang Cheng transfused his sister half of his total spiritual reserve over the course of a day, while an exhausted but unrelenting Wen Qing worked diligently under blood-soaked sheets. 

Then at dusk, when the storm finally passed, Jiang Cheng sat at the mouth of the cave with a tiny, perfect little human — a girl, a niece! —  in his arms and cursed Lan Wangji’s name. 

Wen Qing was extremely clear with them: 孩子要是留在这里，养不活。

If the newborn was left to be raised at the Burial Mount, she would not live. And so, because parting was inevitable from the start, Wei Wuxian adamantly refused to hold or nurse the child. Her child. 

I can’t. If I do, I won’t be able to let her go. Those dark eyes burned with more than just the delirium of her childbed fever. For once, Jiang Cheng could not find it in himself to argue.

Thus, he took his niece home and named her Jiang Yan 江曕. The name was not his doing. His foolish, misguided, stubborn sister had stroked her daughter’s soft, baby cheek and whispered it to her as a farewell gift. 

Yan - to be bathed in daylight. In the end, when given a choice, Wei Wuxian still opted for her child to walk on broad sunny road. 

It made Jiang Cheng wonder why, then, she would choose the dark twisted path for herself instead. 

[3] 

It ended with Jiang Cheng. 

The truth was simple: Jiang Wanyin killed his shijie Wei Wuxian. He did. He meant to. 

He killed her. But that did not mean he wanted her dead. 

In one day, he had lost both of his sisters, leaving two orphans in their wake. Jiang Cheng could not ignore the cruel irony of their fate: one’s father murdered by his aunt, and other’s mother murdered by her uncle. 

This was the kind of tragedy fairytales were made of, and if there were anything left in him to shed tears over it, he would.  Standing amongst Nevernight’s carnage, he could not dredge up even a single drop of tear.  

Jiang Cheng didn’t know how he could return home to Lotus Pier to face that cherub face, always so happy, so sweet, so utterly untainted by the world. She had her mother’s smile. Yan'er was starting to learn how to speak. Her first words were da-da. 

Da-da. Die-die. Father. 

He was standing beside her father now. 

Lan Wangji. Devastated. Destroyed. …Deceived.

Jiang Cheng hated him so much, so fucking much that for one insane second, he thought about telling Lan Wangji the truth just to see what would happen. Maybe he would run Jiang Cheng through with his Bichen - that would be a relief now, wouldn’t it? - or maybe he would jump after Wei Wuxian. 

Truly, if he knew, he would. Jump, that is. Jiang Cheng was almost entirely sure. Oh the utter melodrama that would inspire indeed!  

But then... 

Wei Ying birthed you a daughter, a lovely, perfect, blessed little girl, and she carried that secret to her grave. I may be damned by my actions, but you, who have done nothing for her and taken everything, why should you deserve something as sacred as the truth?

Jiang Cheng turned away. 

He was acutely aware that one day Jiang Yan may very well be the literal death of him. After all — 杀母之仇不共戴天 — one cannot tolerate living under the same sky as the murderer of one’s mother. 

Be that as it may, he would raise Jiang Yan well, just as he promised. Unlike his sister, he would not break his word. Jiang Yan was of Lotus Pier, of Yunmeng, like her mother and grandfather before her. That for him, was enough. 

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu and gripped Zidian. Whatever his fate, he already made peace with it, and the rest was inconsequential. 

One day, he may die, but today he lives, and so as long as he lives, Jiang Yan and all of Yunmeng Jiang will be protected . So as long as he lives, they will flourish. 

[...and in between]

On the streets of Yiling, Lan Wangji tilted his head inquisitively at Wei Wuxian and the little boy at her side and asked, “This child, he...” 

In response, Wei Wuxian patted her chest in a self-declarative kind of way and announced, “Oh this child, I birthed him!” 

He stared at her in shell-shocked silence, his mind racing with panicked thoughts of but that’s impossible — that was just once — even if — the boy is too old to be —

“怎么，蓝湛，不要我们娘儿俩了？” What, Lan Zhan, you don’t want the child and I?

“Wei— Wei Ying—” 

Then of course, she had laughed, and Lan Wangji thought no more of it. 

Just a joke. A silly joke. 

In time, he would come to realize his mistake. 

~~~

[A/N]: I’m not even a little bit sorry. 

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[honeypirate]

I’m glad it’s you (soulmate)

Tamaki Amakiji x fem reader

Warnings - has spoilers from season five episode 1. I don’t know if it’s accurate bc I don’t remember the episode all the way but I wanted to use that part of it

(I don’t know anything about Mirio’s parents and can’t find much on google)

Summary: Having the ability to see color since you were a toddler, you and your parents assume you just don’t have a soulmate and were spared the grey dull life without one. Tamaki, being in the same boat, thinks it’s too good to be true that his crush likes him back...

You felt lucky your whole life. Lucky to always have color when all your friends saw in grey. It was like pleasantville for them and you were blessed with color.

Sure, you’ve heard stories of people who find their soulmates as children who always had color, but your childhood friend was Mirio and he still saw in grey.

You head out of your room, your backpack bouncing along your back as you skipped down the stairs, humming a soft song stuck in your head as you make your way into the kitchen.

“Good morning Tamaki” you say softly, finding him at the table eating breakfast. “Good morning” he says down into his bowl. “How did you sleep?” You ask gently, he’s an introverted quiet guy and you always tried to make sure you weren’t doing anything that made him uncomfortable, the three years he’s known you at school he’s always appreciated that about your friendship.

He clears his throat, and you notice him shiver once “good.” He says and then surprises you by asking “You?” And looks up to your eyes for just a moment before he looked back to his breakfast.

“I slept well. Had crazy dreams though” you get your breakfast, just a pop tart, but you still want to sit with him “do you mind if I sit with you?” You ask, though the table had many chairs, all of which except his were empty.

“No” he says with a slight head shake and you smile, taking the chair one away from him. Close but not too close.

When your first pop tart was eaten, he speaks and it makes you smile “what.. uhh.. wh-what was your dream?” He asks his voice a little shaky

You swallow and smile, looking over to him as you spoke. “I was in space and you and mirio were there. We were shopping and then there were like colorful bubbles that I had to search though because one held the name of soulmate. But someone else found the bubble before I could and stole my soulmate. Then it turned out that person was a villain and we had to fight him and you and mirio died and I was alone in space. I don’t know what happened to the villain I just ended up alone.” You shrug, it wasn’t a nightmare just was strange.

You finish to it pop tart and roll up the paper towel you had so you can throw it away.

“Do - do you want to know m-my dream?” He asks and you smile, placing your elbow on the table and leaning your chin on your hand “yes. I do” you say with a small smile, making eye contact with him for just a moment, noticing his cheeks flush as he looks down again.

“I was on a mountain” he swallows hard and closes his eyes so he can speak without knowing you were looking at him. Which you weren’t, your gaze was shifted to the wall behind him, Mirio’s smiling face poking out from the wall.

“A-and you were there with me. You helped me learn how to fly” you smile warmly at him when he looks up to you. “That’s a lovely dream, Tamaki” you say “I wish I could fly with you, that would be amazing” you scoot from your chair to the one close to him and reach out “do you mind?” You ask, your hand beside his hair and he nods his head slowly once, his eyes looking into yours for the longest time he’s ever looked back at you.

Touching him wasn’t a new thing but you always asked before you did, just in case he didn’t like it.

You run your fingers through his hair and Mirio in the background cheers in silence, making your cheeks heat a little.

“Your hair is as soft as I hoped it would be. I love the color. I don’t think I’ve ever told you. this is actually my favorite color”

“Hey guys we’re gonna be late!” Nejire says as she comes into the the kitchen “no!” Mirio says and grabs his head making you and Tamaki jump and you pull back your hand. “No what?” She asks and Mirio tries to cover by laughing “just don’t want to be late!” He says awkwardly before he grabs an apple and tosses one at Nejire and pushes her outside of the dorm.

“They’re weird” you say with a laugh and get up, tossing your trash as he puts he rinses his bowl and puts it in the dishwasher. “Yeah” he says softly, his cheeks still flushed from you touching his hair.

***

“I love when we can be villains! If I didn’t have a quirk I’d want to be an actor” you say as you wait beside Tamaki in the training grounds. “I don’t like it” he says and you smile warmly “but you’re always so good at it” you say and he blushes “t-thanks” he mumbles and before you can talk anymore class 1A arrives on the scene.

“Tamaki!” You shouted from across the field, you were running as hard as you could trying to get to him when you saw Bakugou getting ready to blast him even after the training was called to an end.

You got there just as he released his grenade and you dropped to the ground, grabbing Tamaki’s hand and bracing yourself as you feel the heat burn your skin in a few places and rocks and dust hitting you as you close your eyes.

After the dust settles you pushed Bakugou off Tamaki and Kirishima drags him off

“Hey hey hey” you say softly and brush his hair from his face and dust off the rocks and “are you okay? That was completely out of line” he groans and you help him sit up “Tamaki?” You ask softly and he meets your eye “hi” you say softly and you run your fingers through his hair hoping to calm him down “hi” he says, his eyes were a little distant and you smile softly “let’s get you to Recovery Girl, okay? Is it okay if touch you and help you?” He nods and you help him to his feet, your arm wrapping around his middle as his arm wraps around your shoulder.

He was a little out of it, but not too far out of it to not have any reaction to you helping him. His hands were clammy and his heart was racing. He was thinking about how nice it is to feel your fingers through his hair. How nice you smell from your hair being so close to his nose. He wanted to bury his face in your hair and tell you how he thinks your eyes are the prettiest shade he’s ever seen. But his anxiety and nerves and the pain in his body won’t let him do that right now.

You stay with him the entire time he gets looked after, talking to mr aizawa and the principle about what happened from your point of view. After that, you were allowed to change from your hero suit and head back to the dorms.

You walked beside Tamaki back to the dorm, his bag over your shoulder no matter what he said to try and get you to let him carry it himself.

You place his bag down beside his bed and then head to the door “text me. Okay? If you need anything” you say softly and turn to meet his eyes. His eyes widen for a moment but he makes himself stay meeting your eye as he nods. “thank you” he says and you smile, making his heart race “of course, Tama”

“You should text her man” Mirio said as he pulled himself from the wall. “I don’t know” Tamaki says as he sits on his bed. “You should. She even said you could” Tamaki nods but says nothing.

“How about we all go to my parents place for dinner this weekend! Then you can have more time to talk to her without it being a big thing” Tamaki’s eyes light up for a moment “can we-?” Mirio nods “of course! My moms been telling me to bring home my friends anyway. So I’ll talk to Nejire and Y/n and it’ll be great!”

~ Skip to that weekend ~

“I love your mom! I’m so excited to see her again!” You say and hold on to Mirio’s arm. Tamaki gives Mirio a look and he laughs “mine and y/n’s moms are best friends” he says and Tamaki nods “that’s nice” he says and you can see in his eyes he means it.

“Thank you ma’am” you say as she hands you a plate and she laughs “you don’t have to be so formal” she says and you shrug with a smile

“I know but old habits” you say

Tamaki watches this whole exchange from right across from you. Watches how you smile and how bright your eyes get as you look down at your plate, waiting for everyone else to have one before you dig in to the food that’s laid out on the table.

You look up and make eye contact with him and he gasps, a pink blush dusting his cheeks but again, he uses every strength he can muster to not look away and realizes how worth it it was when you smile softly at him with closed eyes as you lightly bump your foot into his.

He’s heard about footsie before from Mirio, knows it simple and you don’t even have to really look at each other. But he can’t muster up the guts to bump your foot back. He sits there, eating quietly, speaking when absolutely necessary, and peaking at you through his hair every once in a while.

‘Just do it’ he thinks to himself ‘it’ll be fine. She started it. You can do it too. Just get some guts and do it god damn it!’

He moves his foot out, a little too quickly but he realized it too late. Feeling immediate regret and panic when his foot hits yours with too much force.

He expects you to yell at him or send him a glare but you surprise him, silencing all his doubts and fears by looking up into his eyes and smiling again. Reaching out with your foot and sliding it along the side of foot.

His cheeks flush red as he looks down to his plate, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as you repeat the action.

This continued the rest of the meal and Tamaki felt like a blushing mess but every time he met your eye he realized that you weren’t looking at him like you thought he was a mess. Your eyes were sweet and he could see the flush on your cheeks and ears, a few patches on your neck and chest that truly showed that you were feeling similar to him.

Realizing that you were feeling similar made him feel a little more bolder and braver. Keeping eye contact with you for a little bit longer than normal and branching out to run the toe of his shoe up to your ankle and back.

You chuckle under your breath and tried to hide how warm your cheeks were.

“Y/n are you okay dear? You look a little flushed” Mirio’s mother says and you laugh awkwardly “I’m good! You know how I like spicy things!” You awkwardly laugh and hope she buys it’s from the spicy food. Tamaki loves the sound, your laugh showing that you were as awkward as he was and that brought you down from the pedestal he had you on.

He had thought you were so many levels higher than him. Thought you were confident and thought you’d only want someone as confident as you. He feels like an idiot. You’re just a human being. A sweet girl who feels as awkward as he does sometimes. And you see color just like he does so that means you’re both without a soulmate. It seemed too good to be true.

After dinner you walked back to the dorms talking and laughing with Mirio. You kept looking behind you at Tamaki and smiling, making his heart skip every time.

You finished your conversation with Mirio and Nejire and then quietly made your way to stand beside Tamaki. “Hi” you say softly and he smiles, watching the sidewalk as he walked “hi” he said back and you chuckle softly “do you want to hang out tonight?” you ask softly but then cover quickly just in case it stresses him out “Nothing stressful!... just like. We can hang out in my room and watch Jujutsu Kaisen or something.”

He feels like his whole body is trembling he’s desperate to say yes but his tongue feels so thick. You reach out and gently take a hold of his hand “hey” you say softly and he meets your eyes “it’s okay. How about you come over or you don’t and either way.. We’re still good friends” you smile softly and he tries to return it, knowing it must have looked a little wonky, but he nods, and does something that feels against his every fiber, he doesn’t let go of your hand.

You look at him when you reach the elevator and he nods once, answering the question in your eyes. You smile and squeeze his hand gently as you press your floor number. When you both exit together you look over your shoulder and watch the elevator doors close on Mirio grinning and holding his chest over his heart.

���Have you seen this?” You ask as you type the website in your computer

He nods “I’m on episode 16” he says softly and you beam at him “I am too! What a coincidence. Do you mind if we just watch from there?” He shakes his head and you smile, clicking the episode.

You watch episode sixteen and in the middle of seventeen he shifts a little closer to you, his pinky taking a hold of yours. You hum in approval and turn to smile at him, moving the rest of the way close to him and holding your hand out with a smile.

He gently placed his palm against yours and laced your fingers together, you could feel how his hand shakes but you didn’t let on to it.

by the end of episode eighteen your head was on his shoulder. He reaches out and presses the space bar to pause the show but doesn’t say anything, just sits back and shifts more to turn into you, resting his cheek against your head that was still on his shoulder.

“Tama?” You whisper softly, cuddling into him more. “Yes?” He asks

“I like you”

He tenses, just for a few seconds, before he squeezes your hand softly

“I- like you too” he confesses, a whisper that he was kind of embarrassed about how not confident it sounded, but it was perfect for you.

You moved slowly, turning your head to look up at him, surprised and impressed when he met your eye unwavering.

“We’ll take it slow okay? Whatever you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna be mad or sad or think bad about you if you’re not comfortable with something and you don’t have to feel uncomfortable with me and you can talk to me about everything”

he smiles, his face heating up and he leans down to press his forehead to yours, your eyes fluttering closed. He sighs softly “thank you. I- I hope I can give you what you need” you smile and rest your other hand on his chest “you already do” you whisper.

“- kiss you?” He whispers so soft you didn’t even hear the first words but you nod softly against him. Your heart fluttering and your breathing becoming quicker. He swallows, his hand squeezing yours a little tighter as he tries to talk himself into closing the small distance but he seems stuck, he feels like a fish out of water. He gasps softly, relaxing almost immediately when your hand moves up into his hair, softly running your fingers through it as you patiently wait for him.

You’re so sweet. So patient and caring, he felt so extremely lucky. He feels his body relax and he leans ever so slightly, connecting his lips to yours.

(One month later)

“Thanks for having us back so soon ma’am” you say and she smiles, her eyes saying what you’ve heard a hundred times but she just shakes her head. “Of course! I love you kids. It’s nice to see you two finally getting together too! You’d think soulmates would stay closer through the years but I guess I was wrong” you and Tama both choke, you on your water and him on the air.

“What was that mom?” Mirio says, wide eyes

“They’re soulmates!” She exclaims like it was obvious “... right? I mean all those times I babysat you guys as toddlers, they were thicker than thieves and talking about every color in the book I guess I just assumed. Are you not..?” She trails off but you’re just looking into Tamaki’s eyes.

“You were the little boy I knew.” You whisper with a smile

“You’re my soulmate.” he whispers back, immensely more relaxed around you than he was at the beginning.

“You didn’t know?” Mirio’s mom asks and you laugh and shake your head “I thought I didn’t have one and that’s why I saw colors. I didn’t know it was because I met him right away”

“I don’t even remember being babysat as a kid” Tamaki admits with a blush, his hand resting against your knee under the table, confident and not shaking.

“I’m glad it’s you” you whisper and smile when his blush deepens. “Me too” he says back, his hand squeezing your knee gently.

[truetgirl]

Hm... What ship to talk about for my little pride series today... Ah, of course!

I could not possibly do this series without talking about my girls! So today it’s Korrasami!

Chances are good you already know, to some extent if not entirely, who Korra and Asami are. Chances are also fairly decent you’ve heard plenty of people talk about what they like about them or how good they are. Honestly I don’t think I’m exactly gonna be breaking any ground here, but I wanna put down some thoughts anyway.

Allow me to paint you a picture. Imagine a 17 year old baby queer, only just starting her journey of self discovery. She hasn’t even fully realized yet that she’s a girl, at least not fully. Said baby queer is sitting in the school library and really ought to be doing homework with this free period. She is instead quietly watching the last episodes of The Legend of Korra on nick’s website (bc they got relegated to the fucking website near the end) with her best friend.

The entire finale has been a series of one freakout to the next, absolutely basking in how great this show was and how bittersweet it was to see it end. Then comes the very end. Korra and Asami, in the last minute or so, are the last characters left on screen. A shared look between the viewers, a silent moment of “no, no way, they aren’t actually...” The rest of the scene plays out, many more such looks are exchanged, each time increasing in both joy and disbelief. The very last thing we see is Korra and Asami walking into the spirit portal, hands clasped and eyes only for each other. The kids in the library lean back, taking out their earbuds and looking once more at each other as they start laughing, exchanging high fives, and then they switch to quiet “oh my fucking god they really did it” and similar phrases when the librarian gives them a warning about being quiet.

The young queer girl, who’s just recently come to terms with the fact she’s queer but is still just beginning to figure out what that means to her, feels a warmth she’s never felt before. A show she loves just ended with a gay ship being the endgame canon. She and her friends haven’t been reading too much into the setup in the last two seasons, it was real. Even having picked up on the foreshadowing, this is a total surprise. A completely unthinkable outcome. Queer shit does not happen in cartoons. Not ever. Not as far as anyone she’s ever talked to knows, at least. Yet there it is. And even though she doesn’t yet have her own labels fully sorted out, she feels seen.

My story is very far from the only one. Every queer person who saw this when it aired that I have ever talked to has a gushing, happy story about how it made them feel so seen, so validated. Korrasami is my ground zero for truly understanding the phrase “representation matters” in a way that meant something to me beyond the theoretical. It was the first time I’d seen something like it since I started exploring my queer identity. It was a story and set of characters I had cared deeply about for a fairly long time already.  Karolina from Runaways, Alysia Yeoh from Batgirl, and Commander Shepard from Mass Effect are the characters I broadly credit with trans-ing my gender, but Korra and Asami were different. They’re the first time I really felt good about my queerness. So here’s to them, and their sheer personal and historic significance.

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D 🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Race to the Edge✨

SEASON 6

I love how the twins were basically the reason Hiccup figured out that Johan was the spy

NOOO THE WAY GOTHI WENT TO TRY AND STOP STOICK FROM THROWING AWAY HER MEDICINE AND THEN GOT THROWN OFF THE CLIFF WAS SO FUNNY [ep2]

Omg that fight between Hiccup and Stoick in ep2 was crazy whenever Stoick said "I'm talking to the expert in getting duped by Trader Johan" and THEN HICCUP WAS LIKE "but I was only duped for half as long as you were. So what does that make you?"

Awww the way both Toothless and Skull-crusher were trying to get them to talk

And also Astrid being the only one that wasn't caught by the Hunters right away, she's just superior bro

I love how both of them were right - Stoick was right to not trust the merchants and Hiccup was right about Johan's plan

Toothless is actually so strong like he's not only agile and clever, I mean he just flew up to the ballista and crashed against it and destroyed it without using his Plasma Blast 😎🤩

Mala and Dagur fighting over where the Dragon Eye lenses are gonna be hidden is hilarious. Mala is so calm I love it

I got chills when Atali was like "no, Hiccup, this is my island I will defend it"

I really want to know the origin of the Wingmaidens, like where did all these women come from? How come they're still there?

I love Minden and Snotlout's relationship, the way he tried to convince her to not give up AND SHE KISSED HIM!!!

Krogan's Singetail actually cares about him

Never gonna get over Adelaide Kane voicing Mala

Also Snotlout running when the dude had the razorwhip on him LIKE HE WAS LITERALLY FLYING AND HE WAS STILL RUNNING Y'ALL HAVE TO WATCH THAT SCENE I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT ITS IN EP3

Generations ago Fishlegs's ancestors were dragon hunters

The Loyal Order of Ingerman - decimated the Dramillion dragons, pushing them to the brink of extinction

Grump is amazing I love him

Dramillions - have both a lava blast and a magnesium blast. Omnivores. Still being hunted.

The Hunters were founded by Ingar Ingerman

The Dramillion trying to take the manacle off his tail🥺

And when Fishlegs threw his helmet and THEN THE HAND THING 😭🥺

I love the Dramillions they're so smart they learned how to get rid of the manacles by just looking at what Meatlug and Stormfly were doing 🥺

I just realized that the twins are 19 AND I FIND THAT ABSOLUTELY CRAZY HOW CAN THEY BE THAT OLD

I really wish we knew each of their birthdays like I wanna know which one's older and which one's younger

I feel like for some reason the twins would be the oldest ones then Fishlegs then Astrid then Snotlout and lastly Hiccup. Idk I'm still iffy on this

Most Thorstons don't make it to 19

I love the twins' relationship, they love each other so much that they would rather be alone and not form part of a clan than leave each other alone and the fact that other people know this too? Plsss like the only reason Gruffnut got them back into the fake induction trials was by telling them how bad it'd be for each other to not be part of a clan.

Titanwing Zippleback HOW DO THEY KNOW ITS A TITANWING IT LOOKS THE SAME AS THE OTHER ZIPPLEBACKS

"Ughh, what's the point of winning alone? Being a Thorston means nothing without him. We are one Thorston."

I love them and also technically Ruffnut won the induction trials.

THE LAST LENSE GOSH

Love how Fishlegs cares about global warming

I'm all Snotlout, Toothless and the Triple Stryke reacting to Mala and Dagur- I'm also Mala whenever someone tickles me I'LL KILL U

UGHHH I HATE HOW SNOTLOUT MADE HICCSTRID UNCOMFY FOR HAVING A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP

Astrid overthinking 🥺😭

"How would you like your yak cooked?" JSHDHHA

bro I love how both Tuff and Toothless noticed the betrothal necklace

"So want to deliver some scrap metal?" Hiccup baby? Why are you so oblivious?

At least he asked her if she was alright in the armorwing's island 😩

No but if I was Astrid I'd be pissed too, the dude saw a dragon eye lens from far way and didn't notice her betrothal necklace? 🙂😤

No I can't that scene was too harsh to watch, I mean I loved to see Hiccup noticing something was wrong with Astrid but then the way Astrid compared their relationship to Mala and Dagur's and then threw him the betrothal necklace... And the way he caught it too I can't- 😭😞😖😭😓🤧

Seeing the twins trying to capture Mala was hilarious JAHDHDHHSHA

I love how when they're fighting Astrid's still there for him whenever he's expected to have all the answers. She ignored her anger and went over to him and grabbed his hand and that single thing was what gave him confidence in a moment of panic 🥺

"I'm with you"

"I know"

That final Hiccstrid scene in Mi Amore Wing was just too perfect, we have Hiccup grabbing Astrid's hand to bring her outside and talk to her, the sunset in the background, every little thing Hiccup told her about being there for her and loving her with everything he had and that he should've noticed the necklace right away AND THEN THAT KISS WAS JUST AMAZING❗️❗️❗️ it was passionate and sweet and Astrid was blushing and then Fishlegs was all uncomfortable and Mala was like "okaaayyyyy😏" and Dagur like "alrighhtttt👌🏼" ig the only thing I didn't like is that Astrid didn't say I love you back 😭 but it's ok cause yk she does I just wished she had said it.

Baby razorwhips love the water

Tuffnut named the baby razorwhip that bonded with Ruffnut, Wingnutt

Top scenes of Ruff Transition ep7

Tuffnut throwing up in Ruffnut's mouth and Ruffnut throwing up in Wingnutt's mouth just do that he could be fed- seeing the windmaiden's reactions is the best lmao

Hiccup trying to teach Ruffnut how to fly (with his dragon flight suit) and then Ruffnut losing balance but Hiccup helping her regain it BUT we still get overprotective Tuffnut jumping off of Toothless to try and help but all he did was make things worse HIS SCREAM WAS HILARIOUS nonono and the way Toothless tried to help BUT AGAIN MADE THINGS WORSE 😩😮‍💨😂

Ruffnut finally figuring out how to connect with Wingnutt and fighting the dragon hunters and saving Atali was so badass and then Atali riding Barf 😭🤩

Hiccstrid kiss count (approximately) : 6😘

The way he slightly and carefully touches her face to reassure her that he'll be fine

The Singetail's only predator is the Skrill

The Berserkers used to use metal daggers to lure Skrills into traps. The dragon is drawn to it due to its electrical properties

VIGGO JUST DID THE HAND THING THING WITH THE SKRILL WTF

If I could have any dragon it'd be in this order

Skrill - it's so badass and powerful

Nightfury - it's badass, powerful, pretty, strong and fast

Deadly Nadder - it's extremely fast and agile, has multiple attacks and the spikes

Dramillion - has multiple attacks and is very smart

Just realized that ep8 is called Triple Cross because 1st Johan crossed Viggo 2nd Viggo fake crossed Hiccup and 3rd Viggo and Hiccup crossed Johan and Kogan

That episode was basically jusr to show Viggo's arc and the way he changed for the better and learned to respect dragons

That's why the Singetails wouldn't leave in ep9 whenever they were trying tp free the Deathsong- their eggs! They're in that island.

I can't with Hiccup and Astrid sitting together just chilling but with Astrid feeling guilty and Hiccup assuring her that he was also at fault 😭

I love Narrator/Author Snotlout! The titles of the chapters of his book remind me of the ones from Pjo

Stoick and Skullcrusher acting as 1 and being worried about each other 🥺 I love their relationship

Also the way Stoick bats off the shots from the Singetails with his axe just like Astrid. They're both truly warriors

No but Toothless asking for a head scratch from Gobber bc he's worried abt both Hiccup and Stoick🥺

The way Toothless tried to make Hiccup feel better- I mean the man blamed himself for putting Stoick in "his deathbed" it was just so awful seeing Hiccup in that state and the way everyone was trying to make him feel better but it was ultimately Astrid who managed to get through to him😭

I love it when they put scenes of the movies

I love how Astrid always knows what to say without lying

Looks like it's you and me, then.

Always... was that corny or-

Probably. Nice, though.

The way Astrid is so natural at being a leader and putting everyone on their places 🤩

That lil moment they had in ep12 where he holds her face and thanks her for everything and I just love them too much 😭

I love how Spitelout is so happy when he's beating ass, this dude literally goes "I'm sure I've had more fun than this. But at the moment, I can't remember when"

Have I mentioned I love the Dramillions before? I love them way too much they're amazing and the sound they make is so 😩 I love it

The Dramillion is a distant cousin of the Changewing which means the Titanwing Dramillion shares the de-cloaking ability with its subspecies.

Stormfly's spine clone was literally so badass, my girl was surrounded and she finished every single dragon flyer with it. Badass move. Wish we had seen it more throughout the series

It really pissed me off that Hiccup had to choose between getting Tuff, Ruff and Snotlout out of that sinking ship when he could've been following Krogan. Like ofc it was the right decision but that wouldn't have happened if the twins and Snotlout didn't follow Gruff into the ship :/

I love how strong Barf and Belch are! They literally carried the a Titanwing Dramillion on their own.

That scene when they figured out that the Titanwing Dramillion is not the King of Dragons but instead the last piece of the puzzle to get to the King of Dragons

When the Wingmaidens got to the battle it was amazing

Also the way Dagur was so proud that the King of Dragons was a Berserker and how Ruff was so excited to see Wingnutt and Snotlout to see Minden🥺

THEY REALIZED THAT BBYS AREN'T AFFECTED BY THE KING OF DRAGONS BC OF THE BABY RAZORWHIPS

that last Hiccstrid Scene where Hiccup is worried about Astrid's safety- I mean his face 🥺🥺🥺 and she told him that his dad would be proud and that she's proud too and when she was about to leave he held her back and kissed her 😭😭

Ik I said this before but I simp for Astrid as a leader, she's just so natural at it

Also I love how the King of Dragons has ice powers instead of fire

WAIT SO IS THE EGG THAT HICCUP FINDS IN THE FINALE THAT THEY GIVE TO VALKA IS THAT THE KING OF DRAGONS THAT VALKA CARES FOR IN HTTYD2?!!

Valka being friends with the Wingmaidens sits absoluteky right with me

no but the way Toothless hesitated when Hiccup told him to leave him and get the egg

I love how all the dragons arrived to fight the dragon flyers, it was just so poetical to me, the dragons finally getting to fight the people that hurt them 🤩

I FINISHED IT AND NOW I'M SAD!!! I loved the end tho and I'm glad we got to see Shattermaster at Dagur's wedding, also Astrid's outfit change- we love that. And them leaving the edge is just so sad bro 😭but I love how we got to see some "insight" ig u could call it on HTTYD2 😭 also seeing Snotlout and Fishlegs's love for Ruffnut start forming was hilarious

[animeloversworldsblog]

Guren Ichinose victim of emotional and physical abuse

Guren is someone who is always guilty for every act he commits, he is seen as a genocidal and a bad person who has played with people's lives as he pleases, but what I have noticed is that many ignore that Guren is a victim of emotional and physical abuse, that he has made mistakes, and he himself knows what was his biggest mistake in life, he is naive, he is abusive, but only with himself, he is a boy that anyone can hurt him and even so he keep trying and striving for the people he love. He always cares about others, he always tries to strive to be a better person and does nothing but try again and again to learn, teach, fight only to protect others.

Many ignore the fact that his misfortunes began from the moment he interacted with a completely toxic and abusive girl, where many say that it was one of the best things that happened to guren, which is actually seen, a little boy who begins to show and feel like a person without value, without self-esteem. Guren since he starts interacting with Mahiru since he was 5 years old shows signs of emotional abuse, such as manipulation, control and being forced and pressured into something that he is not, he was just a naive and innocent child, she is his trauma, that trauma that prevented him from growing as a person and seeing that there are many more things than just feeling like garbage all the time. But mahiru was not an innocent girl, already at that age she was aware of many things, the worst of all, that of hurting an innocent family that had nothing to do with her simply because she wanted revenge on her family. 

Many speak of guren being in love of mahiru from 5 years to adolescence, and even still 24 years old.

Guren was never in love, the emotional abuse that guren has suffered since he was a child by mahiru is not love, since she forced his mind and turned it into a fantasy bond. Guren being a child falls in love with the idea of ​​childhood love not with mahiru, guren think that interect with her is the most normal thing, so he created an illusionary connection with her, created a sense of safety and security so guren begins to feel responsible for her from the moment they take mahiru by force and he feels that he could not protect her. Now when guren grows he still feels affection towards her, an attached because guren wants to protect them all equally. But the illusion connection guren created as child making see that the reality wasn't how he think it was as child, he even realized that was a childhood thing and he was naive. Guren sees her as his childhood friend, but he does not show to be in love, also the first thing that saito tells guren is that he is in love and is strong for her, to which guren immediately rejects that and even when she appears guren rejects her more than once without doubt. 

Why do I say that guren was never in love, and his relationship with mahiru was nothing more than abuse, control and destruction? Because drive guren more and more to madness to the point that he lost all sense of self so much that he could no longer see himself realistically anymore.

Guren shouldn't be romanticized in catastrophe at 16 with Mahiru saying that he was in love when in reality he was being forced to love and protect a completely destructive and toxic person to the point of wanting to destroy everything that Guren truly valued and truly loved. 

His interaction with mahiru is nothing more than destructive, not love, he was too pressure for her that in more than one occasion he did not want to get involved with her, and even refuses to be like her and follow her orders, because he knew that she was problematic. In more than once, he wants to keep her away from him, he did not want to know anything about her, and he even began to realize that getting involved with her would make him regret later, guren was mentally healthy with his friends, his family but every time guren got involved with her, or even every time she was mentioned guren shows many signs of being a victim of abuse by mahiru, not of being in love when is far away from be it, guren feel depressed and useless just by being close to her, even as a child Guren begins to interact, not with a girl as she should be at her age, but with an illusion, Guren creates a fantasy bond with her and there she begins to kill his innocence because guren begins to blame himself for not protecting her and carries great guilt and low self-esteem ever since, he begins to have a fantasy bond that offers an illusion of love which prevents real emotional contact and how he is a kid he have no idea of what is being in love he even idolized her so much, so when he grow up what he feels for her is caring bcs to him she was still the innocent girl he met and the victim of her family. Their interaction did nothing but destroy Guren and lead him to this day to be completely damaged and to do what he is doing simply for the fact of getting involved with her. Guren has no options, he can't just get rid of her. He can't achieve things of his own, would be great to him do that bcs he tried it, instead to follow her orders and executes her plan. But he has no option bcs he is not even owner of his body. 

Guren demonstrates from the first moment he meets her, like an innocent child, is that the initial encounter and perception of him strongly influenced his developing relationship with Mahiru. If guren had understood from the beginning that she was not who she seemed to be, and that she was simply hiding behind a facade of what she appeared to be, then guren would have been more cautious about getting involved with her. But guren showed his personality, sensitivities, emotional sensitivity and, above all, conscience, something that a person as manipulative, controlling and forcing, since she was a child, like mahiru, saw and took advantage of, knowing that with those possibilities she could hook guren to get involved with her because he was a kind, sentimental and affectionate child and, of course, because he wanted to help her. Mahiru was initially interested in his kindness, and often praised him for the wonderful child that he was. But that praise for those qualities was minimized because she was using him in the service of someone who didn't really care about him. She really only cared about what he could do for her.

All this gets even worse when he sees her again at school which, you can see a guren who feels incompetent, does not smile, or feel happy every time he sees her and talks to her even before mahiru started to murder and drag guren to madness, guren never shows signs of feeling good or happy when she is around him or talks to her, always doubts and feels like trash, vulnerable .Guren does nothing but want to help her, he feels responsible and attached to her, throughout the novel Guren does nothing but please her, because he believes that that would make her feel better,  he feel pity for her, so he think that do whatever she wants is gonna make her feel better she wanna to be hug, kiss and sleep with him bcs she ask all that, so guren does that, he even ask himself if do what he does with her is the right choice but is nothing romantic in all that with her, is just to pleased her, out of pity and bcs to him she was just a poor girl with many problems, so he wants to comfort her bcs maybe that help her. The only thing guren know for sure is that he wanted to help her and save her bcs he felt responsible for her, bcs he was weak as child and couldn't protect her so he tried to repair his weakness with her. But his feeling for her are not for love. Even on resurrection guren was able to realize that it wasn't his fault all what mahiru did, (playing the victim role), but he was a victim of her and that he felt fear and knows he was being manipulate from her when he was a child. Guren is in pain bcs his friends were death not for mahiru, he was literally crazy in the end and he couldn't see the reality anymore, after she died guren back to not be manipulate and he not even care if she was death he just care for his friends and what he did to the world even that wasn't his fault but mahiru, because he was forced for her to do it.

What guren always loved the most was his dad, his family in aichi and his friends and he let that clear more than once. He let clear that bcs he slept with her that doesn't mean they are something else and have to take responsibility for that. Guren in all the novel show the opposite to be in love and wanted to be with her bcs he let that clear, even he rejected the offer from kureto to be with her. He loved mahiru as a childhood friend and want to saved her from darkness that is how guren see her after he woke up and was able to see that she wasn't what he thought she was. That she was nothing but a monster. So he had to learn all that by forced.

Every time guren talk to her, he feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative

She creates on him psychological weakness by undermining his's confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth

When guren involve with her, he is lead by fear, as a victim of emotional abuse often is, it cuts him off from the full experience of who he is. In other words, it diminishes his self-esteem and makes him doubt of himself, and then he give over his power.

She always twist his thoughts, actions, wants and desires into something that better suits how she sees the world and she mold him into someone that serves her own purposes.

She also tries and makes him believe that she's doing a better job of “loving him” so that he'll be more willing to set aside what he wants in order to feel like him “love her just as much.” It's a sick mind game.

When a person as guren, is being manipulated there is no room for love because it has been replaced with chaos. Wherever there is consistent confusion there can be no resolution, and therefore no love. This is the love guren feel toward her

She wasn't interested in loving him, she was interested in he loving her and conforming to her needs; then convincing him that this is love. She forced him and pushed guren to lover her. 

Guren isn't confident enough to leave her, bcs to him she is a victim and an innocent one, so she thrive on keeping him down, bcs she constantly tries to isolate him by telling him that his friends and family are bad influences that doesn't let him to be strong so she threatened him to killed them so he can't leave and find something better. 

The Unhealthy love here is a crap-shoot. The pace is fast, quickly dominating guren by moving him into the role of the subservient. 

In reality, his emotional health, happiness, and self-worth was all going swiftly down the pan as a result of being with her in all the novel as child, teenager and even having 24.

Guren feel so guilty every time he is with her, that he start to feel constantly like he did something wrong. But that is the formula. The formula of emotional abuse is that he feel like he did something wrong. He feel like he is the problem. He feel like he's at fault, like he could do better.

Every time guren interact with her she always degrade his body. Tell him weak, too slow. He doesn't run fast enough to came and save her. That he is not strong enough. She make fun of his ability and power, call him names just to make fun of him. Making fun of his achievements, hopes and dreams

He feel depressed, anxious, unlovable, full of dread, feeling on edge all the time, or feeling like he is "crazy" and doubting what he knows. 

He increased mental stress just to be around her

How she knows his weak spots, she use them to wound him. She makes comments and take actions that are meant to leave him feeling vulnerable and upset.

He feels constantly anxiety.

His self-confidence is compromised, which lead him to feelings of helplessness, shame, despair, as well as resentment, guilt, and disgust and even decline in self-care. 

What's most damaging is that it takes away his ability to trust in himself and when that happens, he start to feeling crazy.

Guren question his own sanity and reality in the end of vol 7 to the point to not act like himself anymore he believed and internalize the lies she feed him. And, in turn, that affected how he view himself and his worth. He developed a huge mental disorder.

Guren cannot even heal his wounds or grow up as an individual by himself, when he has been abused by her for 19 years, which has done nothing but damage his mind, his body, his life and that of his family and a lot of people in general. 

What i see in guren:

°A teenager and a man who care so much but he doesn't know how to express it with words with the people he loved the most.

°I always see him get hurt and tries to hide it, even so he can't shared so much how he is in pain for being abuse.

°I see people around him that doesn't understand him at all, only shinya is the most understanding with him. 

°He always is fighting againts his traumas, his failures, his worse nightmares, his worse mistake, his past and present and how he never give up even if that hurts he always tries his best to stand up. 

°I see him trying to achives things of his own terms but being pressure to go against his ideals and beliefs just to try to protect his family and save the world, he always tries to do the best he can, but is not enough, even so he tries. 

° He was feeling guilty and remorse for so many years and seeking redemption, even so he think he doesn't deserve it, he think all is his fault, he is able to let others kill him for his acts and feel guilt, pain, remorse and he cries for that.

° He always tries to make amends, he knows and accepts he was wrong or made a huge mistake and how he regretted it but also how much he works hard to protect people he loved and people that need help. 

° He still stick to his own ideas, he still has ideals, beliefs, and he would like to try others ways, even so he can't because his body and mind are being forced and abused to make other people agenda.

° He always is trying and trying for loved, family, friendship, companion and people who could need his help. 

It is horrible to think that a single person can take your desires, your wishes, your beliefs, your ideals, your life and break it into a thousand pieces simply because there is no one more important than yourself, something that to guren and many others happened simply to get involved with a completely destructive and abusive person. 

Unspeakable things happen to everyone, that does not mean that you can do whatever you want with others. Protection and love does not mean you should sticking around and screw with their life.

Guren is someone that is suffering all this and still is the same guren. He is strong and intelligent on his own right, the only thing in life that made guren being weak was meeting her and was his worse mistake and he repeat it more than once. And what always make guren strong was love and protect his family. Is what always make guren keep his sanity until now. Abuse don't do anything good to him. 

Healthy love is what guren has with his family, always was fun, easy, joyful, open, relaxed, active and quiet. Each one of them, knows it is up to them what type of emotion, attitude and effort they bring into the dynamic with guren. In those healthy dynamics, consciously, guren, choose to focus on the positive qualities of the people he really love. When guren consciously focus on what he love about the others it makes loving them easier, and it makes it easier for all of them to love him. That is healthy to him, it always was.

@dulciasouls1 @ijustwannasomesleep @lottenoir to you girls that always help me. Hope you like it!

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about lily evans. she's an interesting character—or rather, the case surrounding her character is quite interesting.

i honestly don't know if i can say i dislike her. by all means, she should be a fan favourite, and she is... but for some rather intriguing reasons.

for one thing, due to the fact she's hardly expanded on in the series, certain parts of the fandom have been forced to either take the few qualities that she displays canonically and amplify them to the extreme (eg. immediate righteous anger at the slightest hint of injustice in fic) or create an entirely new personality (eg. no, i didn't actually disapprove of your pranks, it was just sexual tension). of course, the option of creating a new personality is much more tempting when you can just add amplified canon traits on the side.

for another, her relationship with james sometimes seems likes it's being weaponized against snape and his fans. i've seen arguments that go like "haha, snape just wanted to fuck lily, but james got her in the end anyway, sucks to be you", and not only does it entirely reduce her to an object, it feels like they don't even care about the relationship, the dynamics or the characters. she's basically a plot device.

and thirdly, half of her characterisation in fic is to be a peter stand-in. we don't like the rat man, so let's take the pretty girl and put her in place of the guy who was canonically a member of the marauders, even up until he was named secret keeper. suddenly, she's a prankster and an enabler.

but, snek, you may say, all of that is fanon lily, tho. you just explained that people seem to like her because they just put any personality they want into her as long as she's at least vaguely a good person. you would be right.

let's look at canon lily. she's described as the brightest witch of her age, most everyone speaks favourably of her. in fact, the only people we see actively disliking/being upset with her are petunia, out of jealousy and the invasion of privacy concerning her letter, severus, who lashed out and used a slur that also applied to him in a moment of serious distress and apologised after, and well, pureblood supremacists by virtue of her being muggleborn. interestingly enough, even this dislike manages to develop everyone's character more than it does her own.

as a teenage girl myself, let's look at her actions as a teenage girl. not necessarily in chronological order because I'm writing this at 2am and my memory is already mediocre at best.

1. she's done well enough in school to be considered trustworthy and responsible enough to be a prefect.

okay, i can respect that. a good few of the prefects at my school were really just appointed based on how much the teachers liked you, but at hogwarts, there's so few of them that they must put at least a little effort into it, so i'll move on.

2. she does not press for details when informed that her best friend's life needed to be saved by someone who has been publicly tormenting him for years

now, see, there's no reason why she needs to play therapist. it's not her job, she's just a girl, and we know that snape wasn't supposed to talk about the incident, so he would've been stuck if she had asked for an explanation. however, i also feel like she doesn't seem particularly concerned about his wellbeing, and when he brings up his concerns about lupin, rather than ask for proof, she dismisses it. which, fair enough, i would hate to listen to someone talk about the same thing over and over and over, but, i also feel like the fixation on a theory like that would be cause for concern.

3. she dismisses the actions of a group known to play tricks that harm people and have specifically been tormenting her best friend on the basis that they don't use dark magic

first, i'm going to establish what i usually assume dark magic refers to. aside from jinxes, hexes and curses, i also include anything that produces an effect similar to any of the unforgivables (takes away your life, your free will or your ability to feel safe in your own body, such as when you're in excruciating pain), and magic that would require a sacrifice of some sort.

when snape tries to point out the danger in what the marauders do, she insists that they don't use dark magic. and they don't... but they do use illegal magic. she then argues against the company that snape keeps, which, again, to be fair, is justified considering mulciber's done something to mary macdonald... it's also not a particularly realistic ask. snape probably shares a dorm with these guys, and he's a poor half-blood so he's already on the outs. as far as he knows, any dissent will be met with him getting hexed in his sleep. but, i digress.

given that the marauders have been shown to be doing extremely dangerous with little regards to anyone's safety, and actively tormenting her best friend, i disagree with her choice here. on the other hand, she's made her own friends in gryffindor and perhaps she sees a nicer side of them that we don't get to. she's justified in her actions, but i still disagree.

4. she intervenes when her best friend is hung upside down by a spell of his own invention at the wands of the people who have tormenting him for years

she does object to the marauders' treatment of him, and she does try to get them to let him down. if i were in her position, i would absolutely do the same. i respect the decision to stand up for her friend.

5. she does not seriously attempt to help him or punish the marauders

i do not respect how she handled it. at any point, she could have drawn her wand. but, snek, you say, perhaps she didn't want to get involved physically. she wanted to follow the rules. in that case, at any point, she could taken points, assigned detention, or sent someone to get a member of staff. she does none of those things and i viscerally disagree. if we were ever friends and someone tried to hurt you, i can assure you that i would try to at least see to it that they'd be punished, even if it wasn't immediate or by my own hand. lily, however, chooses to argue rather than take action.

6. she smiles when severus gets hung upside down

chances are, it was more than likely an involuntary reaction, like laughing when your friend has fallen over. however, the fact that it was intentionally written in seems like it's mean to be an indicator that the friendship was already falling apart.

7. she comments on her best friend's poverty and uses a name that's been used to make fun of him after he calls her a slur that also applies to him

she was 100% within her rights to be upset by being called a slur. it is never okay to use slurs. the only situation in which a slur could possibly ever be appropriate would be if you were an oppressed group attempting to reclaim said slur which is not at all what snape was doing here. he was experiencing cruelty, being humiliated, publicly, for no reason beyond existing and he was in distress, choking on soap and upside down. it was damaging to his pride, especially when james suggests that he needs lily to fight his battles for him (paraphrasing) which is an emasculating statement to make, especially to a teenage boy. so, snape lashes out with the most hurtful word he could think of, which happened to be a slur that also applies to him. lily was 100% justified in being upset about this, and she retaliated in kind. she was very much allowed to say what she said. i understand that she was hurt and angry and i respect that, especially as i can't guarantee that i would not have been just as upset in that situation.

8. even when the threat of sexual harassment is made, she still does nothing

i get it, at this point, she's hurt, she's mad, she wants him to suffer since she's a teenage girl and teenage girls hold grudges like it's nobody's business, but... i definitely couldn't just stand by and watch it happen. she basically just let them go through with it.

9. she does not accept her best friend's apology for calling her a slur that also applies to him, effectively burying the friendship

she is, by no means, obligated to continue being friends with him. however, if i were in that position, and the apology was sincere, i would take the friend back.

10. she goes on to date and eventually marry the guy who bullied her former best friend for his entire school life

no. i disagree. but, snek, you say, james changed. no. he didn't. we know, that at this point, james was still going after snape behind lily's back. you can say that she didn't know, but that means that she would have allowed james to lie to her and that doesn't sit right with me bc a relationship built on lies is a relationship that is going to fall apart, especially when your partner has been disappointed by your actions before. you can say that she did know, and that proves that she simply didn't take her responsibilities as head girl seriously enough to stop the head boy from harassing people when she explicitly told him not to. the point is, no. there is no way that this would have worked out as a long term relationship. james is too comfortable lying to her. i can't even say she was justified. there is no circumstance where i personally see this as okay for anybody involved.

alright, so, essentially teenage lily was justified in (most of) her actions, even if i find them questionable.

adult lily dies at 21, while saving her son, but her death also helps save the wizarding world. good job. she, as expected, did what any good mother would.

and that's canon lily.

my thoughts: she's a perfect example of why writing tips are so adamant on making sure people try to show and not tell. we were told that lily is meant to be good and pure and lovely, but the author never bothered to actually prove that, so what we're left with a dissonance between what we see and what we know.

as a result, i still don't know if i truly dislike her. her actions are justified, but they don't match with what we've been told, and we don't have any other information to go off of. at best, i can say for certain that i disagree with many of her choices, despite understanding why she would have made them (except for marrying james potter, uggghh, the only good thing to come out of that was harry and the saving of the wizarding world by extension, ig).

thanks for reading all that, btw! hope it made sense :)