#at least we get dalton castle and the boys

[constesplanetarium]

꧁•⊹٭𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘.٭⊹•꧂

☼⚠︎ Male! Yandere Ghosts/Spirit Harem x GN! AFAB! Reader (Part 2)

UPDATE!

Darkness rating ) 5/10: “Need a bandaid?”

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

part 1 is here!

WE ARE BACK W THE GHOST BOYS!!!! you get to meet the other two this time ;)

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

CONTENT WARNINGS!!!

General Yandere shenanigans (possessiveness, jealousy, aggression towards other guys, etc.), blood, violence, kidnapping.

Word count: Around 4.2k

⋆♱✮☽🦇☽✮♰⋆

A quick turn of your heel and you're off the way you came, almost tumbling down onto the carpet a couple of times. The spirit's laughter rings above you as you glance up, a bunch of small, blob-like figures in the air. They’re all grinning as you take a right, down another long corridor. You can feel the adrenaline pumping in your veins as you turn down another hallway, slowing down once you notice that the candles aren’t lit here. You reach for your flash-

Oh yeah. You left your backpack in the sewing room. You grumble and squint your eyes in the darkness, trying to let your eyes adjust quickly. Who the hell was the figure anyway? It didn’t look like Oliver or Austin. You lean against a wall and start to think to yourself.

Is there really any point in trying to escape from the courtyard anymore? Maybe you should break a window or something.

… With what fucking tools are you gonna break that window with? Maybe you can grab a candle holder or a hard book. But there’s still the broken glass issue.

Maybe it’s time to wave the white flag? Should you go find this Edmund yourself? None of these spirits have been hostile, nor have they tried to kill you.

Once you open your eyes, the pitch darkness meets you again, but it’s a bit clearer to see now. You take a glance to your left, then your right, and just start to wander aimlessly. The moonlight shining through the windows guides your way as you peer at every little door you see. This mansion is as big as a castle, isn’t it? Should you try calling Edmund’s name?

After a few minutes, you’re still walking, seeing the occasional servant spirit here and there. You can hear some giggles and cheers as you pass by, and at this point you’re just waving and smiling at the spirits. They’re surprisingly very sweet… Though, you did try to ask a few of them where Edmund was, and all they did was laugh and float away.

Then you take a sharp turn, and you jump at the sight of a familiar face. Not one you’ve talked with before, but one you’ve seen in the portraits. It looks like he’s looking around for something.

You look around for a place to hide and observe, but there's nothing you can use to hide in the hallway. He turns your way quickly, and you see some recognition in his eyes, but he scowls soon after.

“Oh, it’s you.” The guy grumbles and fists his hands in his pockets. His suit is similar to Olivers, but more tattered and ragged. Certain buttons are loose or missing altogether, and some of the frills on his sleeves are ripped. His caramel-like skin matches well with his messy, dark brown hair, and the red and gold of his tattered suit. “You’re the visitor, aren’t you?” A quick nod from you is all he needs for his mood to shift. His shoulders ease up and his eyes soften, a sigh leaving his mouth. “There’s no point in being too rough with you, I guess. Edmund would have my head if I did that.” So this is Dalton?

“That’s right.” he says, fidgeting with a loose button on his suit. “You must be looking for Edmund at this point.” It looks like he’s trying to hold back a chuckle, with the way he’s smiling. “Have you given up on leaving on your own accord?” You heave a long, tired sigh, but admit defeat with a slow nod, and his smile grows wider. “What a shame, but it’s less work for me. Come now.” At least he’s straight to the point, unlike the other two.

He isn’t very chatty, just walking aside you in silence as your footsteps are muffled by the carpet. You wish you could ask him questions about the mansion, but he probably wouldn’t answer you.

“Why’d you come here?” Ah, there’s a suspicious tone there. He’s trying to dig for info. You blabber out the same excuse that you gave Oliver, and he raises a brow.

“Oh really? Just curiosity?” He scoffs. “Now do you realize how stupid you are for coming here? After dealing with those two idiots, aren’t you-” A flash of embarrassment shows up on his features, but he shakes his head lightly and lets out a sigh. “Nevermind.”

Ugh. What’s his deal? You frown at the light insult he threw your way, and he registers your irritation. “I, erm…” He shakes his head again, and doesn’t say anything else. So no apology?

The very least he can do is answer a question you have.

“Possession? I’m sorry?” You explain to him what you felt during the time, but make sure not to go too into detail. Some things are better left private. You watch his face shift more and more into discontent. His breathing becomes heavy as he scowls. “It wasn’t a full possession by the way you’re explaining it. Only partial.” So a sort of half-possession? What the hell? “During a possession like that, it just lets you… Feel the person you're possessing.” So Alex wanted to touch you? Huh.

“Stop talking about him.” He snaps at you, and you flinch at his sudden outburst. “I don’t want to hear his fucking name come out your mouth. I don’t want to hear about him touching you, both him and Oliver, it’s disgusting.” What the fuck? “Treating the new visitor in that way, they can’t even go a day without satisfying their urges. They’re disgusting.” Giggles and soft shrieks ring above you as you look up, a bunch of spirits hearing him gossip about the other two. Once you catch them, they all start to laugh and vanish quickly. It looks like Dalton’s more angry at them being there than you, but he holds himself back from saying anything else.

Alright, never ask Dalton any questions. That’s a good mental note.

Both of you are silent again for the next few seconds, until he points to a double door on your right. You walk up and tug on the handle, but it doesn’t budge. His soft chuckling rings in your head as grabs the opposite handle, a small click signaling to you that it's open as he pulls on it.

You peer inside to be met with a dark and gloomy, yet beautiful study. The moonlight illuminates the room enough for you to see decently well. Books are strewn all over the place, and papers as well. There’s the regular sofa and chair, with a small table set in the middle. Around the right corner, there’s a desk and a couple of quills that seem unused. This mansion has a lot of studies, huh? You wonder how many people really lived here in the mansion.

Until, y’know, the haunting.

“You didn’t get to spend a lot of time with either of them, right?” Once you walk into the room and agree, a small smile creeps onto his face, but he covers it with his hand, grunting a bit. “Mm, okay.” A small, shaky sigh leaves him as he sits down. “We won’t be distracted then.” Relief velvets his voice as he takes a seat and leans back on the sofa. Ah, so he was planning something after all. You smirk and take a seat next to him, asking him just that.

“Well, it’s not like you have anything better to do.” He says. “Both of them just wasted your time anyway. They had ample time to take you to Edmund, yet they didn’t.” He clenches his fist and utters a small curse. “It’s only fair that I get my turn.” He whispers, and you can’t help but feel your life may potentially be in danger now.

But do you care?

“So what? Are you playing with their hearts or something?” He takes a glance at you to see your reaction, and you shake your head in a refusal. “Even if you were, it’s likely they wouldn’t be able to tell for a while. They’re idiots.” Your eyes can't help but analyze his demeanor, noticing every twitch and shake of his hands is kind of interesting. Does he hate them that much?

His hands ease at your question, and he stares at you with sincerity. “I, ah,” His fingers clasp together, and he rubs his left thumb on his right, an uneasy look in his eyes. “I consider hate to be a… Strong word.” It looks like he’s uncomfortable.

Best not to push.

With a small shake of your head, you reach over to rub his thigh comfortingly, but your hand phases right through, and you start to shiver. It’s still confusing how sometimes you can touch them and other times you can’t. Dalton grabs your wrist and raises your hand up a little, setting it back on his thigh. You can never get over that cold feeling all of them have.

“I don’t need your pity, but thank you.” He murmurs, rubbing your hand slowly. “It’s not a sensitive topic by any means, it’s just a bit… Embarrassing, I suppose.” Dalton smiles at you, with a certain softness in his eyes. “I’ll tell you more about it later.”

Hey, this small talk isn’t so bad. You can feel your nerves to relax, taking the chance to sink into the soft sofa, and he looks over at you.

“I’m better than Alex and Oliver, aren’t I?” He says. You tilt your head a bit at the sudden question. Is he trying to make himself look better? He notices your confusion and his smile grows wider. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

Nothing, huh?

He bites his lip as you stare at him, shuffling around in place. You can’t see well, but you can see him enough to the point where you watch his chest rise up and down faster. “Don’t look at me like that. Please.” He grasps his left hand in his right, rubbing his palm with his thumb. “It’ll be hard to hold myself back.”

After a couple of seconds, it doesn’t take him long to fold at all, as he scoots closer yo you, caressing your cheek. “You would make a beautiful painting.” Dalton speaks quietly, like he’s afraid someone will hear him. “You’re like a flower.” Strangely, that's a cute compliment coming from him. You smile up at him and embrace him, feeling his cold aura and body around you. Lord, it’s like you're hugging a snowman.

Might as well embrace these boys at this point.

His cold tongue slips against yours as he kisses you, breaking the kiss to nibble desperately at your bottom lip. “Let me just be with you a little longer before I take you to Edmund. I won’t do that possession thing that they did. I’m better than those two, aren’t I?” It’s debatable. You’re not sure if you would really care at this point. “Right?” Plus, he’s really damn cold… “You smell so nice, you taste so good, I can’t…” Dalton groans as you rub your hand against his crotch, moving it up and down to gain some friction.

His hips buck slowly against your hand, savoring every feeling as he moans softly in your ear. “You’re so warm, oh…” A stupid grin spreads on your face as you look up at him. He looks so euphoric, it’s pretty funny.

Also pretty damn hot.

Dalton jumps as both of you turn your heads to the bookshelf on the side of the room. A bunch of books had just fallen and hit the ground with a loud thud.

“What the hell…” He whines as you move your hand from his crotch, and you glance up at the ceiling instinctively.

Oh.

It looks like you both had some voyeurs.

“You damn…” Dalton hisses and climbs off of you, standing up. “None of you can give me a moment's peace, huh?!” Dalton yells angrily at the spirits above you two, fits of shrieks and laughter filling the room. All the spirits vanish at once, leaving you and Dalton in an embarrassing silence.

Damn spirits, cockblocking you.

“Ugh.” He clicks his tongue and looks back at you, clearly displeased. “... Let me take you to Edmund now, yes?”

Unfortunately, yes.

“There you are, darling!” Oliver’s voice rings out as you feel his chill body push against yours once he pulls you into a tight bear hug. “I thought I told you to wait in the library? What’re you doing with-” He glares at Dalton. “Him?”

“I found them wandering the hallway after you did such a terrible job of taking care of them, Oliver.” Dalton snaps at him. Both of them glare at each other, until Alex has to break the ice.

“Let the visitor go, Ollie. Edmund needs to see them.” Alex grumbles and Oliver hesitantly lets you go, glaring at both men as he stands by your side. You finally get a look at the man in the middle of the room, seated in a large chair behind a desk. There are so many studies here, huh?

“I finally get to meet you, visitor. I’ve been waiting quite some time, you know?” A calm, cheerful voice rings out from him, and he gives you a bright smile.

He has medium length black hair, alongside an odd monocle as he waves over to you with a white gloved hand, covering his tan skin. His black suit is more fancy than Oliver’s and Daltons combined, covered in gold and silver engravings all over, tied up nicely together with a black rose pin right above his heart. There’s some light stubble on his face, and you can automatically tell he’s a bit older than everyone else in the room. Perhaps around late twenties to early thirties before his death day?

“Please, sit.” He points to the chair across from him, and you can hear Oliver and Dalton behind you as you take a seat. Edmund peers up at the two, “Excuse me, I’d like to speak with the visitor alone, please.” His smile widens as you hear the light groans of annoyance of Oliver, and a small click of the tongue from Dalton. You take a small glance at Alex to see his face shift into one of annoyance, “Oh.” But he looks down at you and flashes you a quick smile before taking his leave.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Oliver rubs your shoulder before taking his leave as well, and Dalton just nods at you before following Oliver out.

“Good riddance, am I right?” Edmund chuckles as the door shuts loudly behind them all, making you jump. “I’m only kidding.” A loud lock of the knob makes you feel a bit uneasy. If this is the big boss of them all, who knows what he could do? “Please don't be frightened. I’d just rather not be interrupted while conversing with you.” You bite the inside of your lip and wait for him to speak some more.

“I didn’t even get to introduce myself. It seems that everyone else has done that job for me, but I’d prefer to do it properly.” He rises up from his seat, bending over the table as he reaches his hand out. “I’m Edmund, as you know. Edmund Castiello.” You take his hand, surprised at how warm it is compared to the other men. Is it because of his gloves? He brings it up to his lips, kissing the back of your palm gently. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, visitor.” He takes his seat again, interlacing his fingers and placing them under his chin, his elbows resting on the table. “I do hope none of them gave you too much trouble?”

You wish.

“Ah,” Edmund laughs and claps his hands together. “They all got too excited that you’re here, I presume? They’ve always been a rowdy bunch. Please excuse their behavior. I’ll chastise all of them for it later.” You shake your head and stammer out an excuse for all of them. Rowdy, sure. But it wasn’t like you had a bad time with each of them…

“Are you sure?” He frowns. “Treating a guest with such…” He pauses, fidgeting with his gloves. “Rude, and not to mention inappropriate behavior isn’t tolerated here.” You laugh it off with a smile, and his shoulders seem to ease up from your laughter. “Very well.”

Oh. Speaking of all of them, shouldn’t you mention the possession?

Yeah.

“Possessing? But only partially?” He sighs and fidgets with a lock of his hair. “Ah, yes. Our way of connecting with humans and creatures alike.”

Connecting?

“We just call it partial possession,” he starts. “It’s nothing too extravagant. It just allows us spirits to be able to really touch the person we’re possessing. If it were a full possession, we would just take control over your whole body in general.” He drags a gloved finger down the desk slowly. “We can control your actions to some extent, but if you really do fight it, it can be broken easily.” He sighs. “It looks like Oliver hit you harder than Alex. He has always been a bit more aggressive and eccentric.”

… Oliver? He possessed you?

“Oh? You… You don’t remember?” A frown spreads onto his face, followed by a short sigh and a small face palm. “It was your first time being possessed, of course you don’t remember.” The air around you two suddenly becomes thick, and you shuffle into your seat uncomfortably. “He had told me about it, but I had no idea you didn’t-” He clenches his fist, and takes a heavy breath in and out in an attempt to calm himself. “I’ll punish him for that later.” He whispers, returning his gaze back to you. “I’m sorry. Please, continue.”

It’s not like you were really fighting the possession though, so…?

“When you saw the lights flicker, it distracted your mind from the situation at hand. That’s why it broke the possession. Since it was your…” He clears his throat. “First time, I can only assume it was because Oliver can’t properly possess yet. In Alexander’s case, I guess your urge to leave overpowered the fact that you wanted to ride his cock.” Your face warms up as you break eye contact with Edmund. You can hear him softly tapping on his desk, and you feel him bare a hole in your head with just his gaze. He doesn’t seem pleased.

“It’s natural to feel that way towards someone you find attractive.” He says softly, in a sort of sweet tone that makes you start to melt in your seat. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, beloved.” He tries to smile, but you can tell he’s still bothered by your attraction to Alex. “Back to the topic of Possession, yes? Let me demonstrate.”

Oh? Of course, he wants his turn, too. Are you going to keep being passed around like this?

… Eh. You don’t really care.

“Now, see how when I touch you, it feels warmer?” He rises up and bends over the table, almost knocking over a small bottle of ink you didn’t see at first. He sets a gloved hand on your heart, and then he drags his finger down from your shoulder to your chest, and you sigh in content. God, that feels good. “Hmm.” He pushes his seat back with his foot, and it bumps into the bookshelf behind it with a loud bang. This doesn't seem to phase him as he comes up to your side and cups your cheek, forcing you to look at him. “Are you not scared, beloved?”

Considering the fact that this is your fourth time at things, no.

“How odd.” Your reaction, or lack thereof, doesn’t seem to deter him as he leans in close, kissing you on your forehead. Your eyes widen at the unexpected gesture. Your forehead instead of your lips?

“I can wait my turn. For the right moment.” His small smile breaks into a grin, pleased at your reaction as the warmness fades from your body. He leans against his desk and lets out a sigh. “Though, it is difficult to hold myself back… Do you feel the same way?”

You give him a small smile, and he fixes his gloves around the wrist. “Well then, it’s time to…” He seems lost in thought for a moment, but he turns his gaze back to you with a familiar smile. “Reconcile with the group, yes? I wish I didn’t have to cut this short so early, but it’s quite urgent.”

“Darling!” Oliver waves happily as you step into the main exit hall. It looks like he was waiting for you eagerly at the entrance, similar to a puppy, while Alex was standing off to the side, looking around as he mindlessly pet Pochi’s head. Dalton was leaning against the wall, fidgeting with the buttons on his suit again. There are another two statues on the outside of the door, the same creatures you couldn’t comprehend last time, but now as you get a better look at it, it might be a sort of feline. Just by peering out the window beside the door, you can tell it's the courtyard. There are several flower beds outside, and maybe even a greenhouse, but that's all you can really see from here.

“Welcome back.” Dalton hums and stops leaning on the wall, making his way over to you. Oliver does the same.

“Hello.” And so does Alex in the middle. They’re even more intimidating once you bunch them up and let them get as close to you as they are right now.

“Give the visitor space, will you?” Edmund says behind you, setting a hand on your shoulder as he shoos away the other boys with a motion of his hand. They all grumble incoherently and take a step back.

“I do hope you had a nice time today.” He rubs your shoulder and swivels around so he’s standing in front of you.

Finally getting a good look at all of them together, you tilt your head a bit. They all look like a pretty good unit together. A team. Maybe a family?

You find yourself filled with a soft, warm feeling as you brush the thought off. It’s just you piecing things in your head that aren’t real.

From what you’ve seen so far, these boys literally hate each other. Except for Edmund.

Welp, it was fun while it lasted. Time to go home.

“Home?” Alex tilts his head, and Pochi’s head seems to bob to the side as well. “What do you mean?”

What?

Oh.

Oh.

Of course.

That’s what Edmund meant when he said he can “wait his turn”.

As soon as you stepped into the mansion, you were bound here.

“Did you think you were leaving?” Dalton says, looking at you with a sort of pity. Something inside you wanted to hold onto that hope, but…

“Oh, poor, poor beloved. I’m sorry for not telling you.” Edmund cooes and holds the sides of your head lovingly, running his freezing fingers through your hair. Everything feels so much colder. It hurts a little, like it’s pricking into your skin. “It’s okay, it’s only for a little while. We all just love you here so much, in such a short amount of time. You’re a very interesting person, see,” He leans in close, whispering against your lips with a shaky breath. “Let us continue watching you.”

There’s a sudden ringing in your head, to the point where you can feel a small trickle of blood pour out. Your eyes roll back in the back of your head as you aggressively cough out spurts of blood, all of it spilling out onto the carpet, staining it with a dark crimson. You can’t see what’s around you anymore. Your vision is so blurry. Everything hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

“We’ll be here when you wake up, beloved.” It hurts. “Alex, watch over them.”

Your body is so weak you can’t even protest, and you fall into a cold grasp of a familiar blonde-headed man. All he does is smile down at you as your world fades to black.

part 3 is here!

ミ★ 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴. ★彡

sorry for not posting in a week, i got hit w a mean burnout. had to make this part a little shorter so i could get it out

BUT IM BACK!!

ill prolly work on the 3rd part in a bit

PS. it’s olivers part, you spend the day w him :]

its in the order you met them, so next its alex, then dalton, and then edmund <3

ngl, im really in love with these characters already. i think after this series is done i might drop the yandere aspect and flesh them out as real oc’s of mine w deeper lore <3

OR I CAN DO BOTH LIKE WRITE THEM W AND WITHOUT YANDERE ASPECTS IF YALL WANT!!!

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (267): Thu 8th Dec 2022

My blog is ten years old today. I have written a blog every single day for ten years. Now for those of you asking how can it have been going for 10 years if this is only the 266th edition: relax your batty as the young people say nowadays and allow me to explain. I first started writing a daily blog on Wordpress on this day in 2012. I continued to upload a blog a day until 2020 when I got sick of constantly uploading it to the internet so for the last year I have have been writing every day just for my own pleasure. However earlier this year I got the urge to start putting this thing back online again and here we are. Holy fucking testicles 10 whole years of writing every single god damn motherfucking day. What a decade. What a challenge. What was the point again? Oh yeah. I discovered the work of comedian Richard Herring just over 10 years ago and he writes a daily blog which has been going for twenty years which some could legitimately argue is a more impressive achievement than mine. Herring says he started his blog to get himself in the right frame of mind to write his stand up and also because there are lots of really interesting little things that happen to us every day that we just forget about because we don’t write them down. Thanks to his blog I now know at least one thing that I did or said or thought about on each day of the last 10 years which to me is really fucking cool. If I hadn’t started this blog then year 23 - 33 for me would be just as big of a blur as 13-23 was. I’m so fucking angry with myself for not starting this blog much much earlier. What I would give to go back to my younger self and tell him to start writing about something that has happened to him at school, at college, at the Glass Centre, at college again. So many memories from those years have been lost forever because I wasn’t pernickety enough to document every aspect of my life and upload it to the internet. What a fool I was / am / always will be. As happy as I am that I have kept up this very disciplined practice I’m also majorly disappointed with myself because this blog was supposed to be so much more. I always saw this blog as a way to push myself to do new and interesting things in order to write about the experiences. Ideally I would still like this blog to one day become that. That’s not to say that there haven’t been some fun adventures along the way. In the ten years since I started this blog I have had five jobs (six if you count the two weeks I did at that pub which I don’t), travelled across America, saw Jim Morrison’s grave, gave up drinking and eating meat, vacationed in New York, been to more concerts and shows than I could possibly name here, become an uncle and a great-uncle, lived through a pandemic, gotten a motorbike and had zero girlfriends. Not a bad ten years at all, and made all the more memorable because I took the time to write about all the experiences after they happened. I’m so overjoyed that I started this brilliantly stupid blog. It really is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I hope I never get bored of it.

Leading up to this momentous occasion I have been toying with the idea of doing something bucket list worthy in order to mark the occasion. My dream scenario was to travel to Sarajevo to see the spot where Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated as that’s always been a source of morbid fascination for me. However there are no direct flights there and the indirect flights there plus the accommodation would not be cheap. I just couldn’t justify this expensive anniversary present to myself so I just left it, though I will go there one day. I did treat myself to an anniversary pizza because I’m a fat fuck and checking out last nights Dynamite:

Kicked off with the Dynamite Diamond Battle Royal. The winner will challenge for MJF's Dynamite Diamond Ring. This was kind of an uneventful match until the very end. There was a cool spot where Brian Cage kept throwing Dalton Castle over the top rope but The Boys kept catching him and putting him back on the apron. I also liked Dustin Rhodes with a running destroyer on....uh some cunt, what does it matter who it was? I was saddened to learn that 2023 will be Rhodes' last year in pro wrestling. I hope he does the Ric Flair retirement tour gimmick where he faces a bunch of the newer guys. I also hope that he somehow gets an NWA title win by the end of his run because he deserves it. The matche ended when Rick Starks threw out Ethan Page to win. Then afterwards we got a brilliant showdown between Starks and his opponent for next week MJF. MJF brilliantly gloats about writing William Regal off TV then accuses Starks of ripping off The Rock and calls him "The Pebble" which the fans started chanting. I'm worried about this because these chants could end up turning Starks heel again if they stick along with the comparisons to The Rock. MJF also says "Facts don't care about your feelings" because I guess he figures quoting Ben Shapiro will always get heat. Starks gets his on back on MJF by calling him Maxipad which is a great insult which won't hurt MJF because he's on top of the world right now. Stark then cuts a brilliant promo about the fight he's had to get to the main event. This was Starks' coming out party, he knocked this promo out of the park and got the crowd on his side. Obviously he's not winning the belt but hopefully they'll find a way to make him look strong in defeat and maybe become a Johnny Gargano / Daniel Bryan ultimate under-dog type figure. We then got Darby Allin vs Samoa Joe which was a great short, realistic match where Darby took 90% of the damage. Joe walked away from a Darby dive and Darby splatted into the railing which looked nasty. Joe lifted up the crashmats and got me wondering why the ref doesn't just it back? Finish came when Allin went for a Coffin Drop but got caught in a choke. Joe looked really good here and hopefully this will lead to an actual Darby vs Joe feud somewhere down the line. Afterwards Joe continues assaulting Darby until he's saved by Wardlow so it looks like we're getting a solo rematch which I'm down for. Next it was Wheeler Yuta & Claudio Castagnoli vs Jake Hagar and Daniel Garcia. I'll be honest I skimmed this because I'm sick of these two factions feuding. Move the fuck on please lads. I assume they're going to disband the BCC now that Regal has fucked off. Regal says he left because there is a "maturity issue" in the AEW locker room. AEW responded by saying that there is a maturity issue in Regal's mother's locker room. Hagar gives Claudio the hat and he kicks it into the crowd which was a cool spot. I feel so bad for Claudio because 10 years in WWE did fuck all to help him get better at promos. He's still atrocious. They do promo classes in WWE where they're supposed to helpt the guys get better on the mic but whenever you'd put a mic in Claudio's hand he'd always go to bits. Some of the best dialogue I've ever read is in comic books so I'm thinking there have to be some comic book writers out there who are also into wrestling and they could write good dialogue for guys like Claudio. Man I never thought I would be watching Cesaro vs Jack Swagger in 2022. I got my fill of it in 2014. Hopefully theyll bring in Rob Van Dam to make it a three way feud again. There's a cool spot where Claudio goes for the springboard twisting uppercut but Sammy gets on the apron and stops him. Finish kind of comes out of nowhere as Hagar and Garcia have Claudio and Wheeler in submissions, Claudio rolls through and Hagar's head collides with Garcias and Claudio hits an uppercut for the win. Good match but still kind of sucky build to Final Battle. Afterwards Schiavone shows them an interview he did with Regal where he confesses that he helped MJF so that everyone will be gunning for his belt and he will realize how scary it is to be at the top. This kind of made sense even if it was slapdash but good on Tony Khan for coming up with it.

Before bed I tuned into the final ever Celebrity Juice. Man I am so shocked that this show ended up lasting past one series because by the end of Bo Selecta I got the feeling that Leigh Francis had completely run out of material. However in this show he had other people to contribute and bounce his childish ideas off so I guess that added to the longevity of the show. In the beginning it was mainly young people who watched the show and you can see why because it was mainly sex jokes and puerile humour and it had two gorgeous women in Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton in it every week. I can remember the early episodes where they actually did try to make it into a quiz of sorts and it didn’t really work because Leigh Francis / Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton aren’t the kind of people who can throw out witty one liners about the weeks news (even if it was gossip magazine-esque celebrity news). This version of the show quickly fizzled out and the panel show format just became a means of Lemon getting his guests to do stupid shit. Celebrity Juice is essentially a kids show that adults have decided to play and make deliberately dirty. This show first started back in the day where I was such a comedy nerd that I would literally just watch anything branded as comedy even if I didn’t like it that much just because I liked to spend my evening watching comedy more than anything else. Although not a fan right off the bat I have to admit I did grow to quite enjoy it partly due to the dynamic and chemistry between Lemon, Holly and Fearne (and Rufus Hound in the early series). It was good for a laugh every now and again. The biggest laugh I ever got from the show was when Lemon told Kelly Brook that if men weren’t obsessed with boobs then she would be working in Dixons. I also liked when Christopher Biggins was a guest on the round where a celebrity sticks their head through a giant magazine. Lemon asked Biggins if he had ever been bent over like that before and Biggins replied “Only when I went on Jim’ll Fix It”. I remember screaming laughing at this and became convinced that Biggins should be made a permanent member of the panel for this one controversial comment. The early version of the show is interesting to look back on in this #MeToo era because this version would not fly today. A lot of the comedy in the early years came from Lemon describing in graphic detail how he would like to have sex with female guests but since #MeToo happened Lemon has not expressed his desire to “Mot Out” any of the guests (don’t ask) or indeed to “smash” any of their “back doors in”. With the eruption of streaming services in the last few years I can’t imagine that a lot of Juice’s core fan base are still around as most episodes of comedy panel shows get uploaded to YouTube immediately afterwards these days and people just seem to have the mentality that they’ll watch them when they become available rather than actually tuning in to watch them live. I think this probably contributed to the cancellation of Celebrity Juice. Personally I used to get told by friends and colleagues about something funny that happened in Celebrity Juice the previous night but I can’t say I’ve heard this in a good while (but then I don’t really watch TV anymore). Whatever you think of Leigh Francis’ brand of humour it’s still impressive that this guy managed to string this show out for 14 years when I personally thought in 2008 that he’d be back doing Bo’ Selecta the next year. RIP Celebrity Juice.

[josswesterling]

Joss felt Lord Dalton tense underneath him at his threat and he held his breath, desperately hoping his deception would be believed.  His heart surged with relief at Dalton’s agreement, but he hardly had time to revel in his perceived victory before Dalton dropped him to the floor.  Joss went sprawling, accidentally revealing that his weapon had been nothing more than a paint brush.  The wind had been knocked roughly out of Joss’s lungs and he could only stare at the Greyjoy man above him with wide brown eyes.  He flinched as the other man’s foot stepped onto his arm, but even in his panicked state he could tell the action had been meant to intimidate more than actually harm him.  He had no doubt that Lord Dalton could have easily broken his arm with his foot if he wished.  

If Joss had been a braver person, he might have pointed out that his threat had at least caused Dalton to drop him even if it hadn’t stood up to closer scrutiny, but Joss valued his life so he kept silent on the matter.  “I…I don’t know what this is about but I’m sure we can work something out without any violence,” Joss said quickly.  He couldn’t think of anything he could possibly offer the other man, but he was willing to promise almost anything as long as it allowed him to get away.  It wasn’t like he had to necessarily follow through with whatever he promised.  

Perhaps sensing Joss’s intentions or simply because he was uninterested in his offer, Joss’s attempts to barter were ignored as he was quickly scooped again even as Joss attempted to lash out with a kick that was easily dodged.  Dalton carried him through a twisting mess of hallways and corridors, many that he had never seen before.  Joss tried his best to remember the route, but panic was making his chest tight and the borders of his vision start to feel a bit fuzzy.  When he and Dalton passed by the first other person they had seen in their entire journey through the castle, Joss didn’t even think to call out until it was too late.  He didn’t think it would have mattered much anyway.  The man had barely spared a glance at Joss’s odd position and clearly panicked breathing as he returned Lord Dalton’s greeting.

Finally, he and Lord Dalton arrived in a chamber where two people were arguing.  Joss was too far gone in his panic to truly take in the words, but he did notice the broken canvases and the paint splattered around the room before he was again unceremoniously dumped to the floor.  Joss blinked, taking in the sight of the two boys in front of him, one that looked to be around his age and the other a few years younger.  Joss assumed they had to be Dalton’s sons, especially the younger one.  He had a menacing air about him.  Dalton’s words to his older son and then his threat about escape made Joss’s heart beat an even faster rhythm against his chest.  “Flay me?” he asked incredulously, eyeing the younger boy with horror.  Was all of this, the kidnapping and the death threats, really simply because Lord Dalton wanted him to teach his son about art?  Joss would have been happy to do that if the boy had approached and asked himself.  He seemed the most normal of all the Greyjoys he’d come across.  

Joss forced himself to focus his vision on the boy who needed lessons, sticking his hand out a bit desperately as he clung to some sort of propriety in the chaotic situation he’d found himself in.  “I’m Joss Westerling.  It’s…uh nice to make your acquaintance.  You might be a better painter if you didn’t destroy each canvas after one misplaced brushstroke.  Painting isn’t like fighting. The canvas is much more forgiving of mistakes than a rival swordsman.”  Joss forced himself to smile, doing his best to ignore Lord Dalton and the young boy who apparently flayed people for fun.

The Red Keep, 129 AC. With: @josswesterling

Dalton was about to make a bad decision because he was bored. But he could afford to make a bad choice this month. He was actually proud of himself, he hadn't made any bad decisions this month at all. However, he still planned it. He looked at the boy as he painted in the Red Keep's garden. He usually came from the same hallway around the same hours. Learning his painting schedule was fairly easy. Stopping him in his tracks was going to be even more simple.

Dalton hid in one of the corridors and waited. He heard the steps of servants and nobles as they came from one place to another. Eventually he spotted the figure of the young painter and stood in front of him. He looked at him for a few seconds in silence. For some reason people panicked when Dalton saw them with a serious face. When he was sure the boy was the one he was looking for, he simply nodded and said.

—You owe me a favor.

He didn't let him answer. Dalton used his confusion and grabbed him. He carried him away. Was it probably easier to just ask for help? Obviously no. Dalton wasn't paying for painting classes if he could intimidate a professional and get it for free. Now he only needed to find a way to take the boy from the middle of the hallway to his son's chambers before anyone noticed he was missing.

[collisioncoursewithnoplace]

AEW Dark: Elevation spoilers

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Me at Tony Khan when Trish Adora, Tony Deppen, Tracy Williams, LSG, and Cheeseburger (all former ROH people, two of whom were TV champs) are brought in just to be jobbed out

[goodqueenaly]

Me again (sorry!) but if it isn’t too much trouble, could I also ask what you think of Borros Baratheon’s wife and daughters? Thanks!

Oh boy. (Long, more under the cut.)

Elenda Baratheon is the least active, and the least interesting, of the Three Widows. She's not even named until after Borros Baratheon's death, and we don't get a real sense of her character at all throughout any of the story; her relationships with either her husband or her daughters are basically nonexistent (except for her feelings on Cassandra's punishment - more on that in a bit). It's not that I think her character is entirely illogical, to be clear: I understand that as a widowed woman with an infant son whose late husband's armies had been shattered in a huge decisive battle, Elenda had few options in patriarchal Westeros, and I can see where she saw surrendering to the new regime a more practical choice than, say, holding out for Princess Jaehaera. However, that thin description does not substitute for characterization, which Elenda is sorely lacking. In a more interesting story, she might have been compared and contrasted with Argella Durrandon, who had likewise seen the male power holder of Storm's End fall in battle with his host but had made the ideological choice to try to hold out in the impregnable castle as a queen herself (compare to Jaehaera as a would-be queen for the greens) rather than surrender to the new regime (which of course would only highlight the glaring issues with Argella's story, but I digress); in a more interesting story, Elenda might have been compared and contrasted with Johanna Lannister, another Dance widow with daughters and a young son, who was likewise threatened by attacks on her new lord's borders, but who herself negotiated local peace in the Westerlands for the realm's peace in the war's aftermath. But F&B does neither of these things, nor anything else to expand Elenda Baratheon as a character; she is simply Borros' widow and the mother of his children, who only indirectly (more on that in a moment) influences the peace brought about at the end of the civil war.

On the negative side, moreover, the story emphasizes Elenda's weakness - and often specifically characterizes it as female weakness - in a way it doesn't for either of the other Three Widows. Gyldayn underlines Royce Baratheon as "the little lord at her breast" and states that Elenda was "[s]till [too] weak from her labor" to "come to the city herself for the coronation" of Aegon III; Elenda's role as mother of the new infant Lord of Storm's End is not only her primary reason of importance in Gyldayn's mind, but also leads to physical weakness that prevents Elenda from being a political actor in the events around her. Likewise, when Cassandra is put on trial years later for the conspiracy to murder Daenaera Velaryon, Elenda is noted to have been "not well enough to attend the trials", a mystery illness which is never explained or explored but is instead only used to sideline Elenda as an active figure in the story. Additionally, following her husband's death, Elenda "felt in need of a man's strong hand to keep the peace" in the stormlands - a problematic statement already, made worse by the fact that her choice was a second son of one of her baby son's bannermen, 20 years younger than she was, whose primary virtue was being "as fierce as he was handsome". The implication that a man maybe in his 20s, without the power of a lordship behind him, who seems to have been chosen as much for good looks as valor, was more necessary than the regent of Storm's End and longtime lady of the castle to maintain order in the stormlands is frustrating when the book itself shows Johanna Lannister ably managing the war against Dalton Greyjoy post-Dance. It's not that this topic - a widowed female regent feeling pressure from her (male) bannermen or onlookers to marry so that rule can be put in adult male hands - hasn't come up before (GRRM explores it a bit with Lysa Arryn in the main novels), and it's not that I'm saying Elenda and Johanna should have automatically felt the same about their respective situations, but with so little attention given to Elenda as a character, and with Elenda herself apparently echoing these patriarchal sentiments, it's a disappointing choice on the author's part.

As for her daughters ... I fucking hate the way Cassandra Baratheon is written.

In another world, could I see a way in which Cassandra Baratheon has an interesting storyline? Maybe. The idea of a girl (literally, she was still prepubescent at the beginning of the Dance) having these twin disappointments (to her) of not being queen and not being heiress to Storm's End is not completely without merit, I don't think, but it also needs a lot of work from there to actually make it into anything narratively coherent. For someone whose betrothal with Aegon II appears to have been pretty brief (from the end of 130 AC to whenever Aegon II died in 131 AC), Cassandra seems to have become super obsessed with the idea that she would be queen (enough to try to murder two different children as a result, or at least have been suggested as much); likewise, despite the fact that for the first decade or so of her life she was heiress presumptive to one of the greatest castles in Westeros, the story only barely acknowledges Cassandra's removal from that role by the birth of her brother. There is no attention given to Cassandra's upbringing or her relationship with either of her parents or any of her sisters, much less Cassandra's feelings on any major political events or the Targaryen dynasty overall (despite the Baratheons' recent kinship to the Targaryens). You might think the story would have approached her as sort of a latter-day Rhaena - a proud and strong-willed eldest daughter who neither reigned as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms nor received her own castle, instead being subjected to the supremacy of a "baby brother" (which is not to say that Rhaena was handled perfectly either, but at least Rhaena had, you know, something of a character) - but it didn't, nor did it do anything else to delve into Cassandra as a character.

Unfortunately, instead, GRRM refused to explore anything regarding the development of Cassandra's character and upbringing in favor of pitting her against other female characters (because remember, women can't be friends in this canon unless they're fucking or they're actually enemies). Cassandra hates Jaehaera Targaryen, the "weepy, feeble-witted child queen whom she blamed for all her woes", so naturally she's a prime suspect for murdering her, which rumor gets repeated multiple times; she tries to suggest that her sister Ellyn's question to Aegon III at the Maiden's Day Cattle Show was "do you like my breasts"; and she becomes a prime, and verified, suspect (again) in the attempted murder of Daenaera Velaryon, presumably again out of a hatred for another child-queen married to Aegon III. While this universal hatred of a female character for other female characters is not necessarily indicative of bad character writing - look at Cersei, in my opinion a well-written character with deep internalized misogyny - in a story which not only consistently emphasizes female conflict and negative female relationships but also gives Cassandra no real characterization, Cassandra becomes a tired trope instead of a interesting addition to the plot.

Of course, to exacerbate the problem of Cassandra Baratheon, the story once again falls back on sex to define a female character. Cassandra's part in the plot to murder Daenaera Velaryon was to have sex with Mervyn Flowers and, unwillingly, with Tessario the Tiger. Not only is a teenager being forced into a sexual relationship with two different adult men apparently part of the murder plot (still trying to figure out the logic on that one), but Cassandra's confession is treated only as evidence of her guilt; no one, including Gyldayn, extends the least bit of sympathy to Cassandra for two adult men (one of whom was sworn to celibacy) instigating a sexual relationship with her. Instead, Gyldayn notes that Cassandra "burst into tears" at the suggestion that she - or, more specifically, sex with her - had been part of the reward promised to Tessario. I'm not sure if GRRM was trying to underline female weakness (and tears are an easy way to do that, as he does with Alyssa Velaryon and Alicent Hightower), or if he was trying to use the rape of a teenager to add to the negative characterization of Mervyn and/or Tessario, or both, but either way it's terrible.

And then - and then - we get Cassandra's ending. Cassandra's "merciful" punishment is to be married off against her will to a stranger 30 years older than she is with 13 surviving children of his own. I honestly don't know which is worse: the fact that Cassandra's own mother figured that "caring for these children and any additional sons or daughters that she herself might give Ser Walter would keep [her] from plotting any further treasons", or Gyldayn's smug little parenthetical that “so it did”. Elenda's statement clearly suggests that motherhood and political plotting are mutually exclusive - a ludicrous assertion in Westeros which would have Catelyn Stark, among others, howling with laughter - while also commending her daughter's miserable fate. To have to play mother, as a teenager, to a host of children, probably some if not many of whom were her age or older - to be the new sexual outlet of a much older man who had already used three other women for the same purpose - to manage all of these people in a household on a shoestring budget - these are all good things in Elenda's mind, because they would keep Cassandra from that nasty habit of hers of "plotting ... treasons". (The fact that Cassandra's punishment is all about keeping her from plotting despite the fact that by Gyldayn's own admission her role in Peake's conspiracy had been "comparatively minor" is not lost on me.) Likewise, Gyldayn's own comment conveys his satisfaction at Cassandra's downfall - that this troublesome young woman was finally silenced and put in a woman’s proper, that is, domestic, place - a disturbing attitude against not only a female character, but one still young even by Westerosi standards.

I also fucking hate the way Maris Baratheon is written. I wrote about her here and a little here.

I also fucking hate the way Floris Baratheon is written. Floris' entire character is that she was sweet and somewhat frivolous. What did she do that demonstrated she was sweet and somewhat frivolous? That's not important to the story; everyone knows it's far better to tell the audience what a character is like than show the character doing things that demonstrate what that character is like. Does she have any other character traits? Nope. The only thing about her that is important to the story is that Floris Baratheon is married at 14 to the 56-year-old Thaddeus Rowan. The idea of yet another child bride being introduced into the story is bad enough, still worse when the groom is four times older than the child bride. Yet to compound the awfulness of this situation is the way in which this literal child is not only sexualized, but used to support yet another tired but favorite trope of the author's. With seven sons, Thaddeus Rowan had amply provided for the dynastic security of Goldengrove long before he had wed Floris, and yet his disturbing sexual interest in his child bride could not be contained (don't forget that when the question of his betrothal to Baela was brought up, Gyldayn mentioned that Rowan had been "seeking a suitable young maid to take her [i.e. his dead wife’s] place"). Thaddeus Rowan still raped the 14, maybe 15 year old Floris anyway, for what I can only assume was his own absolutely horrific pleasure. (The fact that Gyldayn twice notes Floris as being "pretty" only worsens the situation: Floris is objectified enough as the outlet of Thaddeus' perverse sexual desire without Gyldayn somehow justifying his actions by portraying her as aesthetically desirable.)

And as if all of that wasn't bad enough - which it absolutely is - the narrative wants readers to feel bad for Thaddeus when Floris dies in childbirth. (I guess Thaddeus kind of forgot about the fact that "[v]ery young mothers tend to have significantly higher rates of death in childbirth, which the maesters will have noted".) When Floris Baratheon dies in childbirth at 15 or 16, the story doesn't mourn her - it presents her death as Thaddeus' tragedy. I'm not overstating the point by using that word: Gyldayn literally says that Rowan had been "in a black state even before the poisoning [of Gaemon Palehair], for he had only recently suffered his own personal tragedy when his young wife, the Lady Floris, died in childbirth". In Gyldayn's mind, the one to focus on here isn't Floris - the raped teenager who dies, still perhaps under the Westerosi age of majority, in an awful and awfully gendered way - but Thaddeus - that is, the rapist who impregnated her to begin with because he so desperately wanted sex with a child. In all of this, moreover, the story clearly wants to present Thaddeus as a positive character: "bluff, hearty, cheerful ... well-liked and well-respected, a doting husband and a good father to his sons ... proud without being arrogant, just in judgment but not vindictive, loyal to his friends". (The irony of his being called a "doting husband" while he goes on to rape his child bride is not lost on me.) No one, not the in-universe characters or the maester-author, criticizes Thaddeus for his part in Floris' death; rather, her death (as with so many of GRRM's characters dying in childbirth) is used to remove her from the story while characterizing a male character instead.

And Ellyn ... is Ellyn Baratheon even a character? I genuinely don't know if you can call her that. What is she but a name on a page and the butt of a sexual suggestion during the Maiden's Day Cattle Show? Ellyn Baratheon is so nothing as a character she might as well be eating Fantasia.

[lilyvandersteen]

Lavender’s Blue Chapter 1

In honour of @datshitrandom‘s birthday, I’m posting the first chapter of the Young King Blaine story I’m working on for her and for @riverance. Enjoy!

The prologue to the story can be found here.

Chapter 1: The Letter

“Lavender’s blue, dilly, dilly,

Lavender’s green,

When I am king, dilly, dilly,

You shall be queen.”

The melody drifted towards Blaine as he was climbing a big oak tree. Curious, he looked down, and then froze. Wow, he was high up! Lady Hummel, who was singing below, looked no bigger than one of his toy soldiers.

Blaine swallowed with difficulty. How was he supposed to get down again without falling and ending as a splat on the grass?

His lip started to tremble. “Papa?! Coop?!”

Lady Hummel looked up and smiled. “Hey there, little monkey!”

“I’m not a monkey,” Blaine sniffed, fat tears trickling down his cheeks by now.

“No, you’re Prince Blaine, aren’t you? What’s the matter, sweetie?”

“I’m scared!” Blaine sobbed. “I climbed too high. And now… I don’t know… how to get down!”

“Okay, let’s see…” a deep voice boomed, its low rumble reassuring Blaine at once. “Put your right foot on the branch just below you. The right one, yes. That’s it. Well done.”

Lord Hummel coached Blaine until he reached the lowest branches, and then told him to jump, catching the boy in his arms. “There we go! You’re an excellent climber, Prince Blaine. I’m proud of you!”

“Thank you, Lord Hummel,” Blaine beamed.

Lady Hummel kissed her husband on the cheek and whispered, “You are going to be SUCH a good dad!”

Lord Hummel’s eyes softened, and he put a hand on her huge belly. “Can’t wait.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed softly. “He’s saying hello!”

Blaine looked around, but couldn’t figure out who on earth Lady Hummel was talking about. “Who’s saying hello?”

“The baby,” she explained. “He kicks from time to time, and that’s his way of greeting us. Here, give me your hand.”

Blaine’s eyes went big and round when Lady Hummel’s belly moved under his hand.

“Say hello back!” she encouraged him.

“Hello?”

Lady Hummel laughed and brushed her hand over his curls. “It feels a bit weird talking to my belly, doesn’t it? But you won’t have long to wait now. Just another month, and the baby will be here. You’ll like having a playmate, I’m sure. But you’ll have to be really careful at first. Babies are fragile.”

Blaine tilted his head to the side. “What’s ‘frudgel’?”

“Fragile. It means easily hurt, or easily broken.”

“Oh. I’ll be careful. I promise.”

Lady Hummel smiled at him. “I know you will. Now run along to the castle, little monkey, it’s time for lunch!”

Blaine’s stomach rumbled, and with a wave, he said goodbye to the Hummels and sprinted over the lawn as fast as he could.

Behind him, he heard Lady Hummel resume her song.

“Who told you so, dilly, dilly,

Who told you so?

‘T was my own heart, dilly, dilly,

That told me so.”

K&B

Blaine soon found that being king was a job that never ended. The list of his duties and responsibilities only ever grew, and from the moment his alarm clock woke him until he crawled into bed again late at night, his days were filled to the brim.

His mother was right, though, Blaine was more prepared for this than any of his advisers would have thought. From a young age, he’d followed his father and older brother around, endlessly fascinated by what they did and why, and he’d picked up a lot from their informal teaching, and especially Lord Hummel’s advice. He knew how to couch his thoughts into words that did not offend but conveyed the message anyway. He knew how to prioritise, and he knew how to translate abstract aims into actions to improve the economy and the living conditions in Dalton.

What he found hard was convincing his board of advisers, Lord Clarington chief among them, that his progressive policies were the right way to go.

Lord Clarington was primarily concerned with the economy, and with attracting big companies to Dalton and keeping them in the country by offering them tax shelters and low labour costs.

Lord Smythe, who owned a large cosmetics company, concurred with Clarington on this matter, and so did Lord Remington and Lord Karofsky, both of which had multi-million dollar franchises of their own.

Blaine, however, stubbornly stayed on the path that his father had paved for him. He was determined to help not just the richest of his subjects, but all of them.

When he became king, Blaine had appointed a few friends he trusted as advisers as well: Wes proved invaluable for any legal matters, David was a whiz with money and Trent was an amazing diplomat.

He’d have liked to send all of his father’s old advisers away from the castle, but he knew very well that they were too powerful to cross. He had to keep a watchful eye on them and keep them in check, or he’d end up ousted. Or killed, like his father and brother.

He couldn’t prove that Clarington and his cronies had been behind that, but he had a very strong suspicion. So he kept his enemies close, and he’d warned his friends about them, too. If anything were to happen to Blaine, they would know whom to blame, and they had an emergency plan they could implement to keep Clarington from usurping the throne.

In the meantime, Blaine was doing his utmost to lead the country as best he could, but he found it hard. Really hard. His responsibilities weighed on him, and he felt at least twice his age.

Thank heavens he had Kurt to cheer him up. The boy, devastated to lose his father, had latched onto Blaine like never before, and Blaine, far from pushing him away, found that he craved their close bond just as much as Kurt did.

Kurt was a ray of sunshine in his dreary existence.

Only, it seemed he would have to learn how to do without that sunshine.

Blaine frowned at the letter he’d received from his sister-in-law.

Alex had left the castle after Cooper’s death. She’d only stayed long enough to see Blaine coronated, and then she had gone back to her own country.

Now, though, she announced she was coming for a visit and bringing her younger brother Elliott.

“He’s just turned sixteen, and preparing for his grand tour around the world. What better place to start off his voyage than Dalton?

I know you’re very busy, so rest assured we won’t take up much of your time. Queen Pamela knows of our visit and will take care of all the preparations.

I’m looking forward to seeing you all again. How’s your ward doing? Kurt is about Elliott’s age, if I’m not mistaken. Maybe we can persuade him to join Elliott on his grand tour? I’m sure Elliott would love his company, and for Kurt, it would be great to be able to spend time with someone his own age for a change. The closest he has to that is you, and I know you do your best, but your kingly duties don’t allow you to spend much time with him or to let loose and do all kinds of silly stuff.

I know you had to grow up much faster than you normally would have, but let’s give Kurt the carefree life you missed out on, okay?

We’ll talk more about this once I’ve arrived at Dalton. I think the grand tour could be a marvellous opportunity for Kurt to grow and learn all sorts of things, and find his way in the world.

See you real soon!

Your loving sister,

Alex”

[hazyheel]

Honor Rising Japan Day 1 (2019) Review

In a night of Ring of Honor Talent both teaming up with and fighting against New Japan, the stars certainly delivered. We had at least one great title match, a lot of funny moments, young lions that really shined, and some good storytelling. If this is only day one, I can’t wait to see day two.

We started the night with young lion Ren Narita vs. Marty Scurll, with Scurll immediately questioning who Narita is. The two had very good technical exchanges, really proving that Narita will be a great wrestler after he leaves and comes back from his excursion. Scurll only seemed to get the advantage when he took the match into striking territory. Scurll also attempted to constantly disrespect Narita as he kept control. Narita just as vicious as all young lions are during their singles matches, and he almost got the win after rolling up Scurll, but Scrull was able to kick out, and lock in the Crossface Chicken Wing for the win.

Grade: C+. Good match, Scurll’s character work kept the match quite entertaining. He tried to make a spectacle of beating on Narita, but Narita was able to fight back just enough that Scurll had to take him seriously. I love the matches like this where Young Lions fight because they are the ultimate underdogs. I can’t help but to root for them, and it makes these matches fun.

Into another young lion match, Shota Umino vs. Zack Sabre Jr. TAKA Michinoku was on the mic before the match, and told everyone that Umino had no chance, even referring to him as young boy rather than by his name. But when TAKA told Umino to “come over here,” the young lion listened. He bolted and TAKA and attacked him, throwing him out of the ring. In the early portion of the match, Sabre seemed scared of locking up with Umino, acknowledging his power advantage. And to his credit, Umino was able to gain the advantage in several technical exchanges. Sabre was his usual cocky self, and was able to goad Umino into madness and gain advantages that want. Sabre focused his offense on Umino’s left leg. There was one spot where Umino was able to hit a German suplex, only for Sabre to reverse the pinfall into a rings of Saturn submission. Despite Umino putting on a hell of a fight, even reversing a guillotine choke into a vertical suplex, Umino tapped out to a modified half crab. Sabre continued the attack after the match, but only briefly.

Grade: B. Another young lion that has a real future after his excursion. This was a great match, that really showed the benefit of experience. Umino had every advantage in this match, but he still couldn’t pull out the win. He had power, striking and was even a good enough technical wrestler to compete with Zack. The only reason Zack won was manipulating Umino’s emotions, and it was very interesting and exciting to watch.

Next up, Jonathan Gresham and Jushin Thunder Liger teamed up to face the BULLET CLUB Junior Heavyweights Taiji Ishimori and Robbie Eagles. There was a standoff between Liger and Ishimori, obvious tension due to their match at the Anniversary show next month. Started out with Gresham and Eagles. Eagles was out of his league when it came to technical style wrestling. Gresham was in Eagles head, goading him into taking Gresham’s hand, and then pulling him into another hold. This first part of the match was focused a lot on comedy, with Gresham making fun of Eagles throughout their interaction. Robbie had been sufficiently beaten, both men tagged out, and Liger quickly got a rollup and pinned the champion. Ishimori was livid, and had to be dragged out by young lions.

Grade B-. Obviously a short match, but it was surprisingly enjoyable. I am into the comedy spots. Gresham and Eagles had real chemistry, despite the silliness. And the shock pinfall was done very well. All wrestlers sold it well, and it was fun to see. Big win for Liger, especailly going into the Junior Heavyweight Championship match.

In an Eight-Man Tag, it was Juice Robinson, David Finlay, Toa Henare and Tomoaki Honma vs. the team of Tama Tonga, Tonga Loa, and Jay and Mark Briscoe. Before the match, Hikuleo returned from an ACL injury, giving the heels an even bigger advantage. Finlay and Mark started off the match, but it quickly devolved into the chaos that these multi-man matches are known for.  There was a fun spot where Mark headbutt Honma, but in the process did more damage to himself, because Honma is so good at the headbutts. I love little sports like that. The Guerrillas and the Briscoes really didn’t work well together, often using blind tags to get in, and few to no tag team moves. Juice Robinson was really on point, improving his already good selling, and really making his offensive moves pop. In the middle of his match, we had a very fun mini tag match between the Brisoces and FinJuice/ Lifeblood, foreshadowing the main event in night two. In the end, the heels’ lack of communication cost them, as Juice pushed Jay into the ropes, and Jado accidentally nailed Jay with the kendo stick, allowing the roleup for the win. The heels all brawled after the match, with the BULLET CLUB saying the the Briscoes can’t attack Jado.

Grade: B-. A bit of a weak B-, but it was still entertaining. Fun chaos accompanied by good wrestling and some interesting storytelling. Could be a budding feud between the Guerrillas of Destiny and the Briscoes, which would be a fun match to see. I’m a big fan of lifeblood, and I want to see more of these inter-stable matches.

Into the first title match of the night, we had Togi Makabe, Ryusuke Taguchi, and Toru Yano defending the NEVER Openweight 6-man Tag Team Championships against Colt Cabana, Cheeseburger, and Delirious. Started with Delirious chasing Yano around the ring, before the two of them just tagged out. Cabana and Makabe had a test of strength, with Cabana really trying to get the crowd into the match by being loud and obnoxious. There was a very fun spot where the challenging team each hit Taguchi with a move off the top rope: a double stop from Cheeseburger, a splash to the back from Delirious and another splash from Cabana. There was also Yano trying to remove the ring of honor turnbuckle pads, which takes much longer, followed immediately by a standoff between Cabana and Yano with the turnbuckle pads. The match was over in a flash, with a hip attack from Taguchi, a low blow from Yano, a head chop from Makabe and a roleup on Delirious for the win. After the math, Delirious low blowed Cabana for some reason.

Grade: C+. I don’t think anyone doubted that this would be a comedy match, and in that sense it was pretty good. But these sorts of matches always suffer a bit because the emphasis was not on the wrestling. But it was still a very funny match, and it was worth the watch. But their wasn’t much classic wrestling.

Next up, Will Ospreay defends his newly won NEVER Openweight Championship against Dalton Castle in his first defense. The match started out with a handshake, and Castle quickly tried to get will on the ground to overpower him, but Ospreay was too fast for him. Even this match had some comedy spots, with Ospreay being pretty confused by the Peacock maneuver that Castle pulls off. When Ospreay faked his dive to the outside, he then mocked the Peacock. The two then faced off in the ring, with Ospreay mocking Castle and getting into a striking contest. Anytime that Ospreay was on the ground, Castle worked over his ribs with various strikes and bear hugs, and was desperately trying to limit his movements. They were really portrayed as equals throughout the match, with one spot where Castle no sold Ospreay’s flip off of the opponent’s chest into an ensiguri, countered with a German Suplex, only for Ospreay to flip out of the suplex and hit the robinson special. There was also a great looking move where Castle countered the Os Cutter into a German, nearly spiking Ospreay on his head. Ospreay hit a deadly combination of a reverse rana, the pump kick, the Hidden Blade (which I guess is a new signature move for him) and then the stormbreaker for the win, retaining his belt.

Grade: A-. These guys fit together in a great way. Their chemistry was off the charts, and their did a great job blending their styles together. The psychology always made sense, the moves were hard hitting, and it was just really good. This story of Ospreay’s transition into the heavyweight division is really going great. Also, this didn’t really influence the grade, but they were calling spots pretty loudly during the match. So if that is the kind of thing that interests you, this is a good match to watch. Definitely the match of the night, and good stuff to both guys.

Then we came to an ROH Television Championship match, pitting Jeff Cobb against Hirooki Goto. This is a rematch from their match at the G1 Special, which Goto was able to win. This was a pretty classic strength contest, but Cobb puts such an original spin on that, that this was a fun match to see. While the two were brawling on the outside, Goto even used a young lion to hit Cobb, suplexing him onto the prone champion. There was also a long stretch in the match where Goto tried to submit Cobb that was a bit awkward, given the size difference between the two. The match picked up a bit when Jeff Cobb had the advantage, using his immense strength and agility to keep Goto at bay. As Goto looked like he might win, he came off the ropes right into a Tour of the Island from Cobb for the win.

Grade: C-. This match definitely suffered from its placement on the card. Right after a banger of a match, we had one that was pretty slow at times, and that comparison really hurt this match. It was just much slower that I expected. I don’t think these guys have as much chemistry as we think they do, and as unfortunate as that is, we can’t force them to keep wrestling until they get it right. The second half of the match was pretty good, when they got into striking and slams. Although the match did kick into a second gear, its first was too slow to really improve the match.

And the main event pitted a dream team of Jay Lethal, Kazuchika Okada and Hiroshi Tanahashi, against the ROH 6-man Tag Team champions, the Kingdom. Although it seemed like Taven was going to start the match with Lethal, but he quickly tagged out to Marseglia. The faces worked at a very quick pace, and very well together. Throughout the match, Okada continued to sell the knee that he injured during Iizuka’s retirement show. However, as well as the faces worked, the heels were a real team. They knew exactly how to bend the rules to their favor, and work together to keep the advantage. There was even a cheap heat move where the Kingdom kept twisting Tanahashi’s nipples, which is... something. Tanahashi was beat down for much of the match, before tagging in Okada, who had an awesome hot tag. And after that, Lethal finally made his way in, only for the Kingdom to triple team him. There was a really cool spot where Marseglia had Okada up for a Samoan drop, and O’Ryan flipped Marseglia to put more damage on it. The Kingdom went for My Supernova, but Okada and Tanahashi intercepted O’Ryan and Tanahashi. Okada and Tanahashi took Taven and O’Ryan out of the ring, allowing Lethal to hit the Lethal Injection on Marseglia for the win. After the match, Taven beat down Lethal a bit. Lethal then got on the mic to cut a simple promo on O’Ryan, just saying that he will win.

Grade: B+. Good action, everyone in the match had their moments. The teamwork and spots were all very fun to watch. My biggest problem though was the fact that commentary did not make a big deal out of the fact that the 6-man champions were pinned. That should be important, and the ultra babyface team should get a title match. I hope to see it sooner or later, but I guess we will have to wait and see. Still, very good match.

Overall Grade: B

Pros: good tag matches; funny comedy matches; NEVER Openweight title match

Cons: Television title match; main event wasn’t Proving Ground; no young lion wins :(

[fenixbrown-blog]

An Objective All In Review

            AN OBJECTIVE ALL IN REVIEW by Fenix Brown

    This past Saturday we were all treated to what was being called the “Wrestlemania of Independent Wrestling” in a show filled with fun moments for the fans. Many people had high expectations heading into this show and thought that this was a way to show that there is a better product then the WWE. There is a lot of deserving praise being put out about this show, but the show was not without its flaws. Overall I thought the show was solid, but nowhere near being show of the year. Before I get accused of being a “WWE fanboy” in this review I want to explain a couple things. I grew up watching NWA and early WCW in the heyday of the Horseman, Ricky Steamboat, the Rock n Roll Express, Steiners, etc. I love old school wrestling and have evolved into watching just about every product out today. Every week I watch everything from WWE to Impact to Lucha Underground to MLW to NJPW and they all are great and they all have their flaws. Since WWE is the standard that everyone likes to compare things to I am going to review this show with the same standard we expect from that product.

                    PRE SHOW MATCHES

    Unlike most WWE shows the place was packed and the crowd was hot or the preshow. Most preshows feature throw away matches, but at All In had one match considered a throw away and a battle royal to determine who would get a shot at Jay Lethals ROH World Championship. The preshow was a good setup for the main card overall and had a lot of crowd pleasing moments.

         ROH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BRISCOE BROTHERS VS SCU

    SCU was the team of Frankie Kazarian and Scorpio Sky and they were over. The crowd obviously followed the Being the Elite series which for most of the show was the set up for many of the matches. This has nothing to do with any of that though. Briscoes who are one of the greatest tag teams of all time on the independent scene probably did not get the heroes welcome they deserved and were the heels in this match. Kazarian picked up the pin fall when he reversed a Doomsday Device into a powerslam for the pin fall. The match was solid but I have a huge problem in one regard. I know this is not an ROH show per say, but ROH financed this show behind the scenes which is well documented, but overlooked. Time after time we see WWE put the tag titles on a pre show and talk about how they don’t care about the tag division. Not only were the tag champs on the pre show, they lost clean in the middle of the ring in a non title match. We would excoriate the WWE for doing the same thing so this hit a nerve. Hopefully this will lead to a championship opportunity for SCU, but even then I don’t think they are winning the belts. While this match was fun and enjoyable I could have done without the tag champs losing clean on a pre show match. Plenty of other teams could have filled this role and lost to SCU.

                BATTLE ROYAL FOR A SHOT AT ROH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

    Whoever booked his battle royal deserves a ton of credit. Everyone got their moment to shine, and it had a ton of crowd popping moments. The match started with Bully Ray putting the luchador known as Chico on Being the Elite through a table outside the ring. The match then turned into fun moment after fun moment. A slew of dives followed up by a great fake out by Billy Gunn and Tommy Dreamer. Moose then did his “Moose jabs” leading to everyone ganging up him and being the first one eliminated by Marco Stunt, who had a few brief but great moments in the match. Best friends Chuck Taylor and Trent Barretta had their hug broken up by Ethan Page, who in the early going was the dominant heel in the match. Brandon Cutler, who was by far the least impressive in this match then got some offense in, only to be eliminated by Page moments later. Page then almost eliminated both of the Best Friends, who were saved by Rocky Romero, then got some tandem offense and a hug in, which led to them being eliminated by Punishment Martinez. Romero then clotheslined everything in site until Brian Cage took his head off with a clothesline and threw him out. Cheeseburger then hit a Liger palm strikes, and Cage eliminated him as well. Cage and Martinez then had a headscissor exchange which lead to the Hurricane chokeslamming both men in one of the most fun moments of the match. Hurricane and Page then ended up on the apron where Page eliminated Hurricane and hometown boy Colt Cabana took out back. Then it was time for Tommy Dreamer to bring in the plunder hit everyone, until Bully Ray hit him with a trash can and threw him over the top. Then Billy Gunn and Austin Gunn had some exchanges with Martinez and Jimmy Jacobs, where Jacobs hit a five knuckle shuffle and went for a pedigree on Austin, which was broken up by Billy. Jacobs then kissed Billy (Chuck Palumbo must be jealous) which lead to his elimination, followed by Martinez being eliminated by Billy’s son Austin, who by the way looks like a smaller version of his father and sells like him as well. Another hug was broken up, but this time by Bully Ray who eliminated Austin. Billy hit Bully with a Famasser, and then was press slammed by Cage for another elimination. Marco Stunt then hit an insane tilt a whirl, flipping codebreaker on Cage followed up by Bully Ray throwing him over the top. Double clotheslines by Bully Ray and Colt Cabana set the stage for a showdown between the only female in the match, Jordynne Grace and the monstrous Brain Cage. In an impressive feat of strength Grace got Cage on her shoulders, Cage reversed, over head slammed and hit a sick buckle bomb. Cage charged the corner, but missed which led to a power bomb from Grace and then her eliminating The Machine. Grace then had an exchange with Bully Ray and after pushing him off the top rope hit a Whassup headbutt with the aid of Cabana. She then went to toss out the big Bully only to have him reverse the Irish whip and eliminate her. That left just Cabana and Ray in the ring and after a quick exchange, Ray eliminated Cabana. Ray celebrated like he had won, but Chico the luchador he put through the table at the start enter the ring, super kicked him, and pulled of the mask to reveal himself a s Flip Gordon. Gordon threw Ray over the top for the win and the shot at the title later in the night.

I am not going to do play by play for every match, but I felt this was one of the better battle royals I have ever seen and packed so much in and highlighted so many performers in the right way. If I had to nitpick the one thing that stuck out was the end. I love Flip Gordon and have seen him grow a lot this year. It did bug me at the end though just because he super kicked Bully Ray and Bully has to stand there and sell while Flip took the mask off. Timing wise it would have been a lot cleaner if he would have eliminated Ray and then took the mask off. The pop would have been just as big if not a little bigger. Otherwise though it accomplished everything it should have. You had classic moments, like the Hurricane choke slamming people. You had new stars like Jordynne Grace (who I was hoping would win because she was fantastic) and Marcus Stunt be exposed to a new audience and shine in their time. The hometown hero Colt Cabana had his moments. The right guy ended up winning in the end, and the crowd was hot the whole time for. If your a fan of battle royals I would say this is a must watch and checked all the boxes you would want. And Dalton Castle was great on commentary.

                THE MAIN SHOW

As we get into the main show the crowd was definitely hot of a great pre show, and probably were a little spent after the battle royal and the show open. That being said the show was solid and the crowd was into most everything. One thing is that I think the crowd was not mic'd up very well, but you could tell they were hot and match the reactions of any WWE show. Some stars were definitely made and some peoples stock increased quite a bit by the end of the night. Now let’s get into the show.

            MJF VS MATT CROSS

Most people found it odd that this unannounced match opened the show. Neither guy is one of the bigger names on the indy scene right now. Cross mainly has been seen on Lucha Underground as Son of Havoc, and MJF has been making some noise as CZW Champion and MLW Middleweight champion, but I wouldn’t call him a star. When you take a couple things into consideration though you can understand why this might have opened. It’s the first time Cody and the Bucks were in charge of putting a show like this together so instead of opening with a marquee match they probably wanted to do a “test run” in case there were any problems with the stream, and from what I hear there was some. Many people had trouble streaming on their T.V. and had to smart cast from their phone instead. I think this was a smart move and gave people time to adapt without missing any key points to the show.

That being said this was a pretty by the numbers match. MJF is an entitled heel with a ground game and a big mouth. Cross is your typical babyface high flyer. Nothing great or terrible about this match and it only went about ten minutes and did what it was supposed to do. Cross won with a shooting star press. I just wish they would have used someone with a little more star power in this role. Cross and MJF are okay but neither is considered a big name. I like both MLW and Lucha but neither has really caught on with this Indy crowd even though I think MLW will i they keep improving. MJF is also the nephew of Rob Feinstein which may be a reason he got this spot. If we are going to hold this show to WWE standards then instead of giving the spot to someone in the good old boys club on the biggest indy ppv of all time maybe there was plenty of other people who were in town for the weekend that could have gotten some exposure without the family connections, just saying.

        CHRISTOPHER DANIELS VS STEPHEN AMELL

Another match with strange placement, at least to me. Before I critique any of this match I want to say that I have a ton of respect for Amell doing this. The guy obviously has a ton of respect and love for the wrestling business and him lending his name to this event definitely brought star power. He is very active on social media and promoted this in a way most celebrities would not. He also is the focus of not just a show, but the center of the DC Universe on the CW network and risked serious injury with some risks he did not have to take. He is also in tremendous shape and you could tell he took time out a very busy schedule to train for this match. So all props to him for that.

With that being said, while this match had some moments it was not a classic by any means. This match was very sloppy, even on Daniels end. Daniels in his prime was a top performer on the indy scene and TNA in its prime, but he is far from that these days. I understand storyline wise why he was in this match, but I am not sure he was the right guy for the job in this particular spot. For a long time Daniels has been either in tag matches or facing very experienced competition that style he wrestles. Amell hit a Van Terminator, and went from the top rope through a table outside the ring so he was willing to bump. Amell also seemed to blow up about halfway through the match and there is no shame in that being that this is not his full time job. Daniels got the win after his second sloppy BME and they shook hands after.

I think there was a couple things that could have been done differently if you are going to bring Amell in like this. First as much as I have been a fan of Daniels over the years he should not have been in this spot. Amell is much larger than him so the babyface-heel dynamic for this particular scenario is way off.If your going to have a smaller heel against a non wrestler he at least has to look mean and intimidating and Daniels is none of those. Secondly Amell was obviously willing to do a little high risk spots so why not just go the whole way and make it a no disqualification match. Even if Daniels was still in the spot at least he could use some foreign objects and such to compensate for the obvious size difference. The match was around ten minutes and that’s about where it should have been, but to me there was not enough near falls on Amell’s side to bring any drama to the match. The only one I can think of is when he reversed Angel’s Wings into a pinning predicament. He also teased hitting Crossroads, but Daniels reversed it, when I think it would have been a great near fall for him to hit it and the crowd would have popped more than they did for the Van Terminator or the table spot. The goal of the match should have been to highlight Daniels strengths and mask Amells weaknesses and I don’t think this match accomplished either. I think the no dq stipulation could have bought more time for Amell to sell and recover, and also lead to some great near falls. There are ways to do these things and Amell would have been receptive to most ideas I believe. Also this was built up as a fight more than a match so just make it a fight. Like I said though, much respect for him even being involved.

      BRITT BAKER VS TESSA BLANCHARD VS MADISON RAYNE VS CHELSEA GREEN

    A lot of people are saying that the Aldis and Cody match is where the night picked up, but to me the ladies match is where the tone of the night really started to change. Two women really stuck out in this match to me. Tessa Blanchard and Chelsea Green really carried the match. Madison Rayne and Britt Baker were good, but a little sloppy at times. Green had a great gimmick going with the split personality she was sharing with her former personality of Laurel Van Ness. Green had an impressive walk out the top rope, she went back and forth between showboat and psycho.  The match started out with a lot of dives to the outside and then there was a constant shift in the ring of action between all the ladies.    

    The match was really a steady stream of action with high spot after, after high spot, sprinkled in with some high impact moves. Madison Rayne is a veteran with a lot of experience and probably hasn’t gotten her proper due for being a part of a Knockouts division that really set the stage for today's women's revolution in the WWE. I am very happy for her being put in this spot as well as being a part of the Mae Young Classic. She did some great underrated work in TNA over the years and has constantly improved. Her look is great now as well. If WWE ends up picking her up I think she will be a great babyface. She may never win a title there but I think she would be a great addition to Smackdown, Raw, or NXT.

    Britt Baker was the least experienced or it seemed that way. She had some solid spots with some great superkicks and a vicious TKO. She has a great look and a great backstory being a former doctor. She has good size and with some seasoning I could see her being added to NXT soon. I am not sure if she is part of the May Young Classic, but I would not be surprised. She is a name to keep an eye on for the next few years to see how she develops.

    The two stars of the match definitely had to be Blanchard and Green though. Green is tall and athletic a all get out. Couple that with the gimmick she had in this match and her ring psychology and selling, she has star written all over her. I hope that the woman's scene continues to improve on the independent circuit because I am pretty sure the WWE would have no idea what to do with her. After her showing here any company would be smart to focus on her more. Tessa Blanchard is just plain awesome. Wherever she ends up she is going to be a star. She has a strong build and is smooth with her movements. Great body control, quick movements, explosive offense, the complete package. The ending of the match was a little confusing where it seemed like Rayne and Baker broke up the pin and the announcers even seemed confused about it. Tenille Dashwood (Emma) was on commentary and she is fantastic as well. The future of women's wrestling is bright with these girls and the likes of Jordynne Grace as well. And if you don’t think this is where the main show picked up, they got the first “this is awesome” chant since the pre show.

      NWA CHAMPION NICK ALDIS VS CODY RHODES

    I am going to catch a lot of slack for some of the things I am going to say about this match because I realize Cody is the Golden Boy of the moment, and it’s well deserved. Cody has a hardcore fan following and is very talented and I am a fan of what he has done in his career and like many thought the WWE didn’t utilize him like they could have. Cody brought a lot of hype into this match for the NWA belt elevating the status of the recently resurrected company, due to his family legacy connected to the belt. He will make a great champion and ambassador for the brand. With hype though comes expectations and while this match had some moments, to me it didn’t live up to the hype.

    The match had a lot of awkwardness to it from the entrance, to the ref intro, and plenty of botches and mismanaged spots in the match. Maybe it’s because I didn’t watch the Ten Pounds of Gold series on Youtube (mainly because Aldis have never been entertaining enough for me to entertain watching weekly 10 to 20 minute videos focusing on him),but I didn’t get what the connections were to the teams accompanying each competitor to ringside. Jeff Jarrett was instrumental in building NWA TNA so I kind of get that, but I would keep him as far away from my product as possible considering the history between him and Billy Corgan with TNA. Tommy Dreamer has some connections with being close to Dusty, and DDP at least was kind of a fringe NWA guy in his early days. I didn’t get Glacier, Davari, Samuel Shaw and the others. I get that they wanted to give it a big fight feel, I just don’t get what some of the connections were. Do I even have to say anything about Earl Hebner’s speech, it was terrible. Another connection to NWA I don’t get. Wouldn’t Charles Robinson or Nick Patrick made more sense. I get what they were going for but it came across a little awkward to me though.

    The awkwardness did not stop there though. A few minutes in could “hit” Aldis with a superkick that clearly came nowhere close to connecting with a good foot distance wise away from hitting, and Aldis sold it. Later on in the match Cody went for an Alabama Slam where he clearly couldn’t get Aldis over and dropped him like a sack of potatoes. The awkward moments continued when Cody tried a springboard crossbody to the outside where Aldis caught him in the jaw. Hebner made his way to check on Cody and they had a short conversation which lead to Hebner throwing up the dreaded X signal. DDP runs back out, no idea why he wasn’t still at ringside when they accompanied him to the ring to begin with. DDP then hit Davari with a Diamond Cutter cause why not and eventually Cody made his way back into the ring bleeding from the top of the head after clearly getting hit in the jaw. Later in the match Cody applied the Figure Four to Aldis and the announcers were saying it was reminiscent of his old man, but when have Dusty ever been associated with the Figure Four Leglock. It’s Ric Flair not Dusty Rhodes people associate that move with.    

    Aldis hit another awkward looking move in the form of a piledriver and then ascended to the top rope. Brandi then got into the ring to plead with Aldis not to drop the elbow on him. Aldis delivered the elbow and Brandi shielded her husband which lead to Aldis delivering a brutal elbow drop to her spine. Rhodes recovered and hit a Disaster Kick followed by a Crossroads which probably should have been the finish, but we all know finishers don’t matter anymore so the match continues. After some brief exchanges Cody goes for a backdrop, Aldis counters with a sunset flip where Cody sits out and gets the pin fall in a nod to the Bret Hart-Davey Boy Smith finish from Summerslam years ago.

    I know I was very critical of this match and I understand that fans were into this match and that the moment of Cody becoming NWA champion is a big deal. Still in all fairness this match had the same problem many of the matches wrestling overall has. It created moments that will look great 5 second  clips instead of worrying more about solid execution throughout the match. I understand Cody was obviously very busy putting this show together and could not practice some of the things that probably needed to be practiced but details matter. Being the face of something brings pressure and expectations and while it’s very nice in the end things ended up how they were supposed to the path to get there was very bumpy. This was Aldis’s most high profile match, but really did nothing for him. If one of WWE’s top star was in this match it would have been excoriated. For all the Roman Reigns hate that is out there and shots taken by the Bullet Club, there is no way a performance like that would have been acceptable on any level.

        CHICAGO STREET FIGHT- JOEY JANELA VS HANGMAN PAGE

    The Hangman and the Bad Boy put on the most brutal and entertaining match overall of the night. I know Cody and the Bucks said that the Bullet Club will all make their next move together, but I think Page is a fool if he doesn’t give the WWE a shot. Standing 6 feet 5 inches with a great look and solid in the ring the sky could be the limit for him. If he could work out a deal to skip NXT and head to the main roster he could be a main event player in a short amount of time. Also seeing Janela in only limited exposure until now, I was impressed with his showing. Janela has a willingness to do some crazy bumps and it stared of the bat with a pump handle fallaway slam into a chair in the ring. Janela has great facial expressions and looked like a mad man when he played to the crowd after a flying senton into the crowd. Janela had his status as one of indy wrestling top draws rise after this and his spring break outings should see an increase in exposure after this.

    Penelope Ford who seconded Janela to the ring also had some moments in the match where she got involved to aid the smaller Janela and help him gain momentum back. The match was silly in some spots, in a good way, with the involvement of an actual Cracker Barrel from one of the sponsors. The barrel was used to prop a ladder between the guardrail and the ring for an insane burning hammer delivered by Page. This was one of the points Ford got involved and escaped strikes by Page with backflips a matrix, then delivered a stunner where Page sold it like the Rock sold Stone Cold’s version. The match fell outside the ring again involving tables and dives, until it made it to rampway that led to a scary looking bump for Janela of the stage missing one of the two tables set up and barely hitting one.

    The match finally made its way back to the ring where Page hit his finish only to have Ford break it up. This is the start of a little more silliness began, but I had no problem with this part. If you watched Being the Elite, which was the theme of the night, you know that Hangman “killed” Joey Ryan in a storyline. Ford brought a bag in the ring that contained Page’s talking boots (yes, talking boots) and Page superkicked Ford, picked up the boots which he sold as talking to him, and walked right into a Janela superkick for a near fall. At this point Janela brought a ladder and a table in the ring which all led to Page hitting Janela with the phone he killed Ryan with and delivering an insane Right of Passage of the ladder through a table for the win. If this wasn’t match of the night it was damn close. It really topped everything before it and hit all the spots you want in a hardcore match both storytelling wise and spot wise, so kudos to both for a great performance.

    Then came the most controversial point of the evening, Joey Ryan’s resurrection. A video appeared on the screen of Ryan laying dead in his bed only to pan down and show him getting fully erect under the sheets. Then in Undertaker fashion a slew of men dressed as penises came to the ramp and Joey Ryan appeared to a huge reaction. Ryan made his way to the ring in typical form, lathered himself up, put a lollipop in his pants only to take it back out, put it in Page’s mouth and superkick him. The “penis druids” then carried Page to the back.

    The match itself was great. I am going to sound like a curmudgeony old man, but I hated what happened after. I get that wrestling has its silliness and goofiness sometimes and I can suspend disbelief to a certain degree, but I fall on the Jim Cornette side of the Joey Ryan thing. In the same night, on the same show, where we are supposed to be elevating an old school belt like the NWA title back to prominence you put this on the show. You can’t have it both ways. You either want to be taken serious as a professional wrestling product or you want to be a silly carnival sideshow.  I have no problem with having some fun in wrestling and I can point out many times I had enjoyed certain things that has been done over the years by many companies that were silly, but still treated the line a little where you could suspend disbelief to a degree and buy in. This is not one of those times. Cornette is right when he says things like this hurt the business because it does. Wrestling falls into this crowd reaction trap where they believe if the crowd reacts it’s okay. I can point out many times in not just wrestling, but sports and entertainment of crowds reacting just for the sake, yet no one would agree that the behavior is acceptable. The problem with the Joey Ryan penis stuff is this. I remember when it started trending on Youtube when he first started doing it. Shortly after Youtube demonetized wrestling content for being to vulgar and it was no coincidence that it came after the Joey Ryan penisplex. I am not saying he was the total reason, but it was a big reason. Many companies were doing well of making money off their Youtube views and that single handedly killed many smaller companies, due to the large amount of lost revenue. The worst part is that Joey could still do a similar gimmick of having this indestructible penis where people try to low blow him only to hurt themselves and just that little change would make it okay.

    Anyone saying this is no big deal is wrong and let me explain to you exactly why. Cody and the Bucks did a terrific job of getting major sponsors for the event. Cracker Barrel and TGIFriday’s are no doubt major corporations who could be involved in future events if they believe this is a product that can eventually be sold to the general public as something the whole family can watch because they market themselves as family friendly companies. Another thing we know is that in corporations the higher executives usually have no idea who or what they are actually sponsoring so when one of the higher ups get a whiff of their product being involved in basically softcore porn of on man grabbing another’s penis in middle of the ring and getting suplexed by it and then follow it up by men dressed in penis costumes how likely do you think they will be willing to sponsor something like this again. I am not just talking about the Bullet Club stuff either, I am talking independent wrestling overall. There is a reason Sinclair Broadcasting does not put Ryan’s gimmick on television. It is very hard for wrestling to get advertiser revenue and stuff like this is one of the major reasons why. For all of you that enjoyed it good for you, glad you enjoyed. Joey Ryan will continue to make a lot for money for himself of this gimmick as well until it eventually grows tired and the well runs dry. For every defender of Joey in this gimmick though I hope you understand that the more you cheer this and get it over, the more you hurt the chances of anyone truly being able to set up to any form of long term competition for the WWE not just here but worldwide. And yes it is a big deal when you put it on a show that has been labeled “Indy Wrestlemania”. WWE would have not only lost sponsors, but would have had a huge public backlash for the same type of behavior.

           ROH WORLD CHAMPION JAY LETHAL VS FLIP GORDON

    In another match that is getting a lot of online love is the match between Flip Gordon and “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal. Lethal was accompanied to the ring by “The Genius” Lanny Poffo and somehow Brandi Rhodes miraculously recovered from the devastating elbow delivered by Nick Aldis earlier and even had time for a costume change. This match did have it’s fun moments and again if you followed Being the Elite somethings made more sense then if you never watched it. In the series, Brandi has been rooting for Flip to get on the All In show despite Cody’s objections and Lethal has been going in and out of his Black Machismo character when you hit him on a certain point of the shoulder. I can see why the fan base enjoyed this match. Flip Gordon is a great underdog babyface and I was also a fan of Lethals Black Machismo character and Flair impressions from his TNA days.

    Some of the highlights centered more around callbacks to classic WWE moments then actual in ring action. It started with Lethal giving the Mega Powers handshake to Poffo and Flip. Lethal then went outside the ring to bring Brandi to his corner thinking she was Miss Elizabeth. Then later in the ring he hoisted Brandi on his shoulder in another callback to a classic moment. This lead to Brandi hitting the spot on the shoulder that reverted Lethal to being normal Lethal. This meant the match switched gears to more of the typical indy style match with the two trading moves back and forth for two counts.

    Later in the match Poffo chopped Lethal on the shoulder leading to the reemergence of Black Machismo who dropped 3 top rope elbow drops on Gordon. Gordon kicked out at 2 and “Hulked Up” delivering a big boot and began a flurry of offense by Flip. Eventually Lethal hit a top rope cutter followed by his Lethal Injection for the win. The match was fun and enjoyable in some parts, but overall was a comedy match for the most part. I can see why it’s getting all the online love, but I do have some problems with it overall.

    I am a fan of both men, but to me this match didn’t make sense in a couple of ways. I am a fan of Jay Lethal, but he should not be ROH Champion right now. I thought Cody was going to have the belt leading into this and thought if you really wanted to bring more prestige to the NWA title a champion vs champion match would have added a little more. Lethal has no where near the momentum when he was the leading heel in the House of Truth, and with Flip being such a lovable underdog babyface if he was going to face someone for the ROH title it should have been either against a larger heel, or a heel whose skill set is a little dirty and based on getting heat from the crowd. Much like the NWA title match there will be moments that translate well to a video package, but on television to a casual viewer would have fell a little flat. Couple that with the fact that this is by far ROH’s biggest stage today and you presented your champion as a comedy character and both guys are very diminutive in size. That is what your presenting as the top tier talent in your company. Add to that the preshow loss of your tag team champions in the middle of the ring clean and to me ROH came across really weak on this card to a casual viewer watching ROH product for the first time. Do I even have to bring up the fact that the one prominent black talent on the card had a moment where a white man who impersonated Hulk Hogan beat him up. I know that’s a little nit picky, but the lack of black talent on the show when you have guys like Shane Strickland, AR Fox, and Dezmond Xavier on the scene and you have the one black talent on the main show getting beat up by a guy impersonating the most notorious wrestler as far as racism goes right now was not very smart. Just saying.

            IWGP CHAMPION KENNY OMEGA VS PENTAGON JR

    The next match was what many pegged as the dream of the night. The action began fast and furious after some initial taunting. Pentagon has built a reputation on a brutal style and here is showed right from the start with a vicious kick to Omega’s abdomen. Pentagon dominated the early past of the match with a mix kicks, chops and dives. Pentagon may have the best chops in the business. He has a great look and a vicious style that fits his persona. Every move he makes has evil intentions behind it whether it’s a kick to the hamstring, chop to the chest,  or his variety of backbreakers and piledrivers.

Again and again Omega would try to regain momentum with Pentagon having as answer most of the time. Kenny hit a V-trigger to the back of Pentagons head and setup for a superplex. Pentagon countered with led to a double foot stomp. Omega regained momentum shortly after and hit a couple V-triggers to try and set up the One Winged Angel. Pentagon slipped out and hit a high impact pumphandle driver for a near fall. Eventually both men ended up on the ring apron where Pentagon hit a package piledriver on the apron, which is the hardest part of the ring if you haven’t heard Pentagon got a near fall and after a few more exchanges Omega hit Pentagon with a package piledriver of his own for a near fall. Kenny again went for his finish and Pentagon slipped out and “broke his arm”. Yet another package piledriver by Pentagon lead to a near fall due to a lackadaisical cover. Kenny eventually hits a V- trigger which led to him taking control and hitting the One Winged Angel for the win. After the match the lights went out and Chris Jericho appeared dressed as Pentagon and attacked Omega with a Codebreker and told Kenny he would see him on the Jericho cruise.

    While the match was great, fast paced, and had lots of high impact maneuvers, I did feel it was a little rushed going about 15 minutes. Also, the underselling of Pentagons finisher was a little bothersome to me. The One Winged Angel seems to be about the only move left in wrestling that people stay down for and it’s a little ridiculous. Jericho’s appearance was good, I stopped being surprised by Jericho showing up years ago. Still I don’t mind the promo for the cruise because if your going to sell tickets to it, it’s going to be to this crowd. Good match and nowhere near some of the classics Kenny had in the past, it was what it was. A non title dream match where the champion still went over. I think you could’ve probably added 5 more minutes to this match, but at this point I think time restraints definitely played a part in this match.

        KAZUCHIKA OKADA VS MARTY SCURLL

Another match that seems to have gotten a lot of praise is the match between the Rainmaker and the Villain. The story being told is that there was no way Scurll could beat Okada because Okada is a heavyweight and Scurll is in the NJPW junior heavyweight division. The match went about 20 minutes and the early part told the story of Marty trying to do some power moves, yet not being able to pull them off due to his lack of size. Scurll actually had control of the match in the early part despite his lack of size. Honestly though the first half of the match kind of dragged on, mostly because Scurll would do a move and pose, again and again. Obviously Scurll was the underdog and trying to feed off the crowd for energy, but the crowd was solidly behind him regardless and I think a little less posing and a little more urgency would have helped in the first half of the match.

     That being said this was the typical Okada match with a slow build to a furious, hard hitting pace near the end. The match was very good overall despite the slow start. Scurll would have control for a few moments and Scurll would counter and regain momentum time and time again. Cyrus made a great comparison on commentary saying that Okada much like Bret Hart had a moveset you know was coming but was so good there was nothing you could do about it.

    The match started to slowly gain momentum when Scurll reversed a suplex into a brainbuster and then went for a piledriver, yet again posing for way too long, which caused it to be reversed into an Irish Curse neckbreaker variation by Okada for a near fall. Okada climber the top rope and Scurll hit a superplex. There was an exchange of rollups for some near falls which lead to Scurll hitting a monsterous powerbomb for a near fall. Okada was able to regain control with a running shotgun dropkick and op rope shotgun dropkick. Okada tried to put things away with a Tombstone piledriver which Scurll countered into a swinging DDT. Scurll then tried a Tombstone of his own and couldn’t hold up Okada which led to him finally landing the Tombstone.

    The final 5 minutes is where this match really shined. In my favorite spot of the match Okada followed up the Tombstone by setting up for the Rainmaker lariat. In the setup up while Scurll was in the straightjacket position Okada made the hand gesture of 205 which in the Being the Elite series he kept telling Marty that’s where he should be. While he was holding his fingers in the five position Scurll grabbed his middle finger to set up for his famous finger break spot. Okada’s facial reaction to this was priceless and meme worthy. Scurll hit the finger break and then after taking time to recover came off the ropes running into a dropkick by Okada who throws one of the best in the business. Again Okada went for the Rainmaker and Scurll countered into the crossface chickenwing which sent the crowd into a frenzy. Okada got to his feet and fell back onto Scurll momentarily breaking the hold only to have Scurll lock it in again. Okada escaped and went for a Tombstone again. Marty slipped out the back door and pushed Okada into the referee.

As soon as this happened Scurl went to his corner and grabbed his umbrella. Okada ducked the swing and set up for a Rainmaker and when he spun Scurll into position, Scurll countered by opening the umbrella. He then stuck Okada in the head very hard with it and hit a very stiff Rainmaker of his own in which was probably the best false finish of the night as I thought that would be it. Posing again cost Scurll as he setup for the crossface chickenwing and Okada reversed into a Rainmaker giving him time to recover.Okada got to his feet and hit Scurll with a couple forearms which lead to Marty firing up and spitting in Okada face and slapping him. Okada grabbed Scurll by the throat and Scurll went for another finger break spot but this time Okada reversed it into a discus Rainmaker and followed up with another for the pin.

Regardless of what I said about the slow start and posing this match was great in the end. Everytime I watch Okada he impresses me, and Scurll had a great outing regardless of the constant posing. The match was in contention for match of the night with Page/Janela and Omega/Pentagon depending on your taste. One thing that is overlooked when talking about Okada is his facial reactions and body language in the ring. It’s something that’s really hard to teach and Okada is great at knowing how to act in certain key moments in a match to give it that little something extra to put it over. As for Scurll though great this will probably be the biggest match he ever has in his career. I like Scurll sometimes and other times he comes across silly and as a comedy act. He had some great matches with Will Offspray in the past and I am not saying he never will again, but when it comes to the Bullet Club I feel like eventually he will be the odd man out. Also, if you’re going to call yourself the Villain I feel like maybe the gimmick should be a little more vicious and conniving as opposed to silly tactics. That being said great showing by both men.

YOUNG BUCKS AND KOTA IBUSHI VS REY MYSTERIO, BANDIDO, AND FENIX

Finally we reach the main event of the evening with a 6 man tag “dream match”. Bandido was the only participant I was not really familiar with, but everyone else has been pretty well established over the past few years. Some might have not been familiar with Fenix and if you’re not he is the brother of Pentagon Jr. and he is tremendous. My review for this match will be pretty short because it was definitely in fast forward as time restraints only gave the 6 men about 10 minutes to work with. It actually kind of fit the lucha style though because if you have ever watched the trios matches in Mexico they are super fast paced with everyone getting their stuff in at an insane pace.

That’s pretty much what this match ended up being. Play by play and a match breakdown is not really necessary as it’s one of those matches you just have to watch to keep up with all that happens. Not that it was one of the greatest matches of all time, or even the night, but it was short and fun. Some highlights included the first time seeing Kota Ibushi and Mysterio together in the ring for the first time. Mysterio had a really cool Wolverine costume on. Also Rey looked fantastic. I know there is a lot of talk of him going back to WWE full time, but I think at this point of his career I would rather see him on a lighter schedule in big spots. Rey has a well documented injury history and a full time schedule anywhere might not be the best idea. He looked fantastic here and more akin to his prime then the end of his WWE run. He is a special attraction and should be treated and paid as such.

The match was fun but unfortunately didn't get the time it needed for guys like Fenix and Bandido to show a whole lot. I personally haven’t seen to much on Bandido and he had some impressive spots. The time crunch really hurt Fenix though. The WWE has been looking for a successor to Mysterio for a long time and I believe Fenix may be the closest thing we get. In the end though the Bucks and Ibushi get the win with a Meltzer Driver with 3 seconds left to end the show

                OVERALL THOUGHTS

I guess a lot of what people thought of the show depended on your expectations going in and how you felt it was presented. If you took it as a one off indy show with no real meaning and purpose then you probably thought it was a great show. If you thought it was a love letter to the pro wrestling indy scene, you probably thought it was a great show. If you are a obsessive Bullet Club fan and follow the Being the Elite series you probably thought this was a great show as well. On the other hand, if you felt like this show was promoted as the alternative for WWE but better matches, booking and quality of storytelling you were probably a little disappointed.

I am not saying this was a bad show by any means. It was a solid show with some fun parts that gave some exposure to some new stars. In the short time overall on the show the women were given I thought Jordynne Grace, Tessa Blanchard and Chelsea Green all had great showing. The pre show battle royal was great and the right guy won. In fact in most of the matches the right guy won. Okada/Scurll, Omega/Pentagon, Page/Janela and the 6 man tag were all good matches that either told a great story or were action packed. It was overall a solid show with some fun moments stacked in between.    

On the downside though there left a lot to be desired. In the end it was an average show at best. It was sold to me to have lots of surprises and should have been everything a WWE pay per view was not, but there was some glaringly similar faults in the show. First was the match placements. If this was your first time watching anything like this and the first 2 matches you see on the pay per view are MJF vs Matt Cross and Stephen Amell vs Christopher Daniels you might have tuned out right away. I think opening with the 6 man tag would have been better closing the show with it. New viewers to the product would have been familiar with Rey Mysterio and the action provided would have set the tone for what should have been for the rest of the night. MJF and Matt Cross could have been cut from the show, but I guess when your a family member of someone in the business you get a spot over someone more deserving. Does that sound familiar.

Also for a show that was supposed to be the alternative to WWE there was more reference to WWE moments than anything else. With the NWA title being elevated tonight it would have been nice to see more nods to that then a Road Warrior Animal appearance, a figure four leglock, and Cody having his hair blond and bleeding. Aldis/Cody and Amell/Daniels were both very sloppy matches that could have been much better. ROH who had a piece in financing this show did themselves no favors with their tag champs losing clean on the preshow, and their world champion being promoted as a joke match. Jericho and Flip Gordon were supposed to be the big surprises of the night, but if you followed anything over the last few months you were not surprised at all, and the Joey Ryan stuff is just bad for business.

    For everything good I can find to say I can find 2 or 3 flaws. The product didn’t really feel all that different from a WWE show. The quality should have been at least that of an NXT show with a very similar fan and talent base. In the end outside of Cody winning the NWA title the matches meant nothing and though there were some solid matches none of them come close to a match of the year candidate. I have to point out a few more things as well. Sami Callihan though controversial was definitely one of the bigger indie names to rise to prominence this year and should have maybe been included on the card. I also would have enjoyed if there was more of an African American presence on the main card. There are plenty of black wrestlers who could have had a spot. Tama Tonga and the firing squad could’ve made a surprise appearance that would have been more shocking than another Jericho appearance. And disappointingly, even though I am not his biggest fan a CM Punk appearance in Chicago would have been huge yet he was nowhere to be found.

In the end All In was an average show at the highest level with some good moments that will look great in a video package, but a lot of flaws that will prevent it from coming anywhere close to one of the top WWE or NJPW shows this year. To be honest I expected a lot more because it was promoted as a lot more. In the end wrestling is wrestling and the more things change the more they stay the same.

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Ring of Honor/NJPW “War of the Worlds” Night One

Lowell, Massachusetts: The Flowering City! Kerouac Town! Home to the second-largest population of Cambodians in the United States, and more abandoned textile mills than you can shake a stick at! 

Let’s see how this momentous clash of companies shook out:

What: Ring of Honor/NJPW “War of the Worlds” Tour, Night One

Where: Memorial Auditorium, Lowell, Massachusetts

When: Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Who: I’ve seen crowd counts that put attendance between 1,200 and 1,500, and that sounds right to me. If it wasn’t a sellout, it was close. The place was packed to the rafters, and fully two-thirds of the people in attendance were wearing Bullet Club t-shirts. I went there after visiting multiple notable graves (one haunted), an abandoned mill turned into a kind of weirdo shopping mall, an abandoned mill turned into a national historic site, and a park named after Jack Kerouac where drunks were sleeping on the ground at 4 p.m., which is pretty appropriate when you consider that Kerouac drank himself to death.

Dark Match: Brad Hollister and Justin “Hammer” Tunis vs. The Dawgs

Hollister and Tunis are locals; I have seen them many times. Nice to see them getting a dark match. The Dawgs are new to me. I guess it’s Rhett Titus and Will Ferrara. Did you ever collect baseball cards? You know how the cards for all the bench players were grouped under the pejorative rubric “commons,” as in, “That pack of cards I bought was a bust, nothing but commons”? I kind of thing of Rhett Titus as a good example of that in wrestling. Not bad, not sensational, does the job he needs to do, but doesn’t really linger in the memory. This was a totally conventional tag team wrestling match. The crowd stirred briefly, after Hollister delivered a picture-perfect suplex. The Dawgs won. The cosmic wheel turns on.

Rating: Two Kerouacs.

The Briscoe Brothers vs. Jushin Thunder Liger and Flip Gordon

I haven’t been following ROH, but I guess the Briscoes are heels right now? They were lustily booed. Jay looked fantastic with his hair all matted and long and some kind of necklace of primitive fetishes around his neck. He looked like a chiseled, angry Dr. John who instead of learning to play the piano started a voodoo-based crime syndicate. I forget how much I like the Briscoes, but they are among my favorites. Holy cow, Flip Gordon is over with this crowd. Huge pop and “Flip! Flip! Flip!” chants. Liger, obviously, also gets a huge ovation. This match is entirely about Flip befuddling the enraged Briscoe cavemen with his arsenal of acrobatic dodges and counters. Liger comes in as a hot tag, but doesn’t really do anything spectacular. He doesn’t have to, my God, he’s Jushin Liger. He’s earned his elder statesman tag team apron-dweller spot. This match was a lot of fun. Not a sprint, but a condensed version of classic tag team wrestling, with some distinctive flourishes. The Briscoes wrestled like heels, denying the crowd anything spectacular (their post-tag tandem offense basically consisted of Mark holding Flip while Jay kicked him repeatedly) until the finish. I don’t know how to describe it, but it looked to be like a Razor’s Edge off the top into a cutter. It was nuts. Flip took the pin. I should note here that I had a terrible seat and couldn’t see three quarters of the ring, so I stood up against the back wall for most of the night. 

Rating: Three and a half Kerouacs.

Deonna Purrazzo and Skylar vs Tennille Dashwood and Sumie Sakai

I want you to notice something here, something that would prove to be the theme of the evening: tag team wrestling. Our third match, and third tag team match, was a Women of Honor showcase for four babyfaces, which is always something of a heat vacuum. The crowd likes all these women. It was Skylar’s ROH debut; about two years ago, I was there when she had her first-ever wrestling match. It’s crazy to think how much progress she’s made. She’s still a little green, though, and the other three are obviously a category above her at the moment. Not much of a story here beyond Deonna occasionally walking up to the brink of being a heel, although I don’t know if that’s deliberate or if that’s just part of our bleak, nihilistic world now. The jury’s still out on whether Tennille is another example of WWE totally missing the boat on someone; she’s good in the ring, she has undeniable charisma, but she hasn’t developed a character beyond Person Who Wrestles And Occasionally Shouts “It’s All About Me.” When you think about it, this was kind of her problem in the WWE. She pins Skylar. After the match, Kelly Klein runs out to beat on Purrazzo and the two of them have a pull-apart. I noticed that Northeast Wrestling tag team stalwarts Adrenaline Rush were among the black-shirted security guards. Lots of familiar faces tonight!

Rating: Two and a half Kerouacs.

At this point, Dalton Castle comes out. He’s billed for a title defense against Matt Taven. There’s a brief “Rusev Day” chant for some reason, which, smdh. A segment of this crowd also chanted “You can’t wrestle” at Brandi Rhodes when she walked out before the show. I’m not sure how to characterize the ROH audience. There are too many of them to just be the indie wrestling diehards, but there are no casual fans among them either. It’s a weird group. 

Anyway, Castle cuts a meandering promo saying that he’s injured and can’t wrestle, although he’s not vacating the title. Matt Taven’s mom stands up and boos the shit out of him at this point, and good for her. Castle says he’s going to treat us to brunch instead. It’s past 8 p.m., but that’s probably still brunchtime in parts of Brooklyn. The Boys come out and throw croissants to the crowd. You call this brunch? Not even a damn mimosa?

The Kingdom vs. Coast to Coast

Matt Taven comes out with fellow Kingdomites TK O’Ryan and Vinny Marseglia and cuts a promo calling Dalton Castle “a babyback bitch.” Taven’s grandfather, a dignified elder gentleman with a walker and an oxygen tank, is at ringside. I wonder what he thinks of hearing his grandson use that language. Maybe he taught it to Taven. Maybe he thought, “I’ve never been more proud. Especially because Dalton Castle is truly a babyback bitch.” 

Has any wrestling faction had a stranger evolution than The Kingdom? Remember when it was Matt Hardy, Adam Cole, Michael Bennett, and Maria Kanellis? And then Hardy left, and Taven joined, and they would do the Four Horsemen hand gesture? And now it’s Taven and Taven’s Friends? Don’t get me wrong, I like TK O’Ryan and Vinny Marseglia fine, it’s just they’re not exactly Matt Hardy and Adam Cole. 

But they are here tonight, and they are wrestling, and so far we are 4 for 4 on tag team matches. I don’t know who Coast to Coast are. They are, like Rhett Titus, the wrestling equivalent of commons, at least to me. This match is fine. There are some shenanigans when Horror Man Marseglia pulls Coast to Coast and the referee under the ring and some red balloons come out, a la “It.” But then the guys just get out and run back into the ring. Commit to this gimmick, ROH: have them be bloody, mangled corpses (I mean, kayfabe-wise). 

The Kingdom lose this match due to interference from SoCal Uncensored, and so we have a six-man tag match later tonight, because of course we do.

Rating: Two Kerouacs.

Bully Ray vs. Cheeseburger

BULLY RAY IS BACK IN ACTION IN LOWELL! That’s WWE Hall of Famer Bully Ray to you, pal. His entrance video keeps flashing the words “Hell’s Kitchen,” but he grew up in Queens. Why not claim Queens, Bully Ray? Hell’s Kitchen these days is not exactly a terrifying place; it’s full of Wall Street finance industry dickheads. It’s not even Hell’s Kitchen anymore, they call it “Clinton” now. O for the days when the Irish mob would shoot out your kneecaps on West 44th Street! 

This is a squash, with Bully Ray delivering an uncontested succession of power bombs to Cheeseburger, much to the displeasure of the crowd. Bully Ray leaves the ring to glare menacingly at some fans - THAT’S HOW THEY DO IT IN HELL’S KITCHEN, ER, CLINTON - and is counted out. Cheeseburger wins! Unfortunately, this means more power bombs.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, this would be the only singles match of the night.

Rating: N/A

Roppongi 3K vs. Marty Scurll, Hangman Page, and Cody Rhodes

Ring of Honor is really hot right now, maybe the hottest it’s ever been. They just had their largest show ever in New Orleans, and they’re comfortably drawing 1,000+ houses every night. It feels weird, though, like it’s borrowed glamour. It’s all from the Bullet Club/New Japan stuff, and although I realize there’s overlap, it doesn’t feel like a lot of the excitement is Ring of Honor excitement. The ROH stalwarts, guys like the Briscoes and Jay Lethal, feel like afterthoughts right now, as angles are booked around plot twists in “Being the Elite” and buildings are full of fans in New Japan shirts. 

Still, the fervor is undeniable, and the roof practically lifts off the place for the Bullet Club Threesome, although there is definitely a smattering of “You suck!” judgments hurled at Cody. 

This is basically like an NBA All-Star Game; no one is playing defense, no one is really taking it seriously, and it’s a lot of fun to watch. It doesn’t mean anything and no one is going to be talking about this match in 10 years or 5 years or even two weeks, but at the moment, for the day that’s in it, it’s fine. Everyone does his thing, Roppongi 3K get a lot of offense in, “Being the Elite” plotlines are advanced when Marty accidentally kicks that guy in the bear costume and gets berated by Cody. 

Bullet Club win, because that’s what the crowd came to see. Too sweet! Woop woop! Too sweet! Woop woop!

Incidentally, I’m reading the book “The People Who Eat Darkness,” which centers on the disappearance of a woman who was a nightclub host in Roppongi, so suddenly Rocky Romero’s team name seems sinister to me.

Rating: Three Kerouacs.

INTERMISSION

Before the show, there was a meet and greet session. We waited in a big long line inside the venue and people got really excited when first Naito, and then the Bullet Club, walked by to get to their tables. Lots of too-sweeting. Less excitement for Daniels and Kazarian, who weren’t part of the official meet and greet but who brought their own table to sell things. That’s how you do business, folks. Always bring your own table to shows, so you don’t have to put up with ROH’s red tape.

In order to get your picture taken, you had to buy a ticket, like when you go to a carnival or fair or something, and then present that ticket to the wrestler, who I guess would hand them all in at the end of the night in exchange for money. I was near the front of the line, so I bought a ticket for Naito. It worked out really well. I assumed the line for his table would be way too long, but because of Sinclair Broadcasting’s ruthless bureaucratic efficiency, I got to meet Mr. Tranquilo. 

Also, I want to doff my cap to whoever programs the music to play at ROH events. Cock Sparrer’s “Because You’re Young” sounds phenomenal over a real PA system, and how often do you hear Cock Sparrer songs in public?

EVIL, SANADA, and Naito vs. Silas Young, the Beer City Bruiser, and Brian Milonas

Crowd goes nuts for Los Ingobernables de Japon, of course. Naito gets a crazy ovation and sustained chant of “NAITO! NAITO! NAITO!” That’s how you can tell an ROH crowd isn’t just indie diehards; unlike indie crowds, ROH crowds can keep a chant going. I always want to call Silas Young either Paul Silas or Silas Marner. The Beer City Bruiser is like a real-life version of parody Wrestling Twitter account Jumpin Jim Grabowski, and Milonas is a New England guy. Lots of heat on Milonas, both from people who have seen him at shows before (the indie diehards) and people who scream at him for being fat (the ROH fans proper). 

This has the same NBA All Star vibe as the previous match, except Silas, Bruiser, and Milonas are not exactly all stars. Perfectly fine, perfectly good mid carders, but there’s a lot of star power on the other side of the ring. Milonas stops Naito from doing the Tranquilo pose and gets maybe the loudest heel reaction of the night. This match is what it is. It’s fun to see the NJPW guys, even doing like 20 percent of their normal repertoire. LIJ win, naturally.

Rating: Two and a half Kerouacs.

Jay Lethal vs. Jay White vs. Chuck Taylor

Taylor was a last-minute addition to the card and gets a crazily enthusiastic welcome. They avoid the usual trap of triple threat matches - one guy takes a powder outside the ring while a standard one-on-one happens - by essentially making this a handicap match, with Taylor and Knife Pervert Jay White teaming up against Lethal. This was my favorite match of the night. It told a reasonable story, the wrestlers are all compelling and played to their strengths (Lethal as heroic babyface, Taylor as chaotic neutral comedian, White as creepy weirdo), and there was decent action all around. Instead of kicking out of each other’s finishers, they would simply tease the finish, have the crowd react, and then have the intended victim escape at the last second. Very effective. Jay Lethal hits Lethal Injection on Knife Pervert and is about to win when Taylor swoops in with an inside cradle to pick up the win. Genuine surprise and a huge pop from the crowd.

Rating: Three and a half Kerouacs.

ROH Six Man Tag Team Championship Match: SoCal Uncensored (c) vs. The Kingdom

Having already seen TK O’Ryan and Vinny Marseglia wrestle a full match, I was not jazzed for this bout. Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian are freaks of nature, though, and always find a way to deliver. Daniels in particular still manages to wrestle the way he did 10 or even 15 years ago, which is absolutely insane when you think about it. A lot of decent stuff here, although I admit I was not in the right mood for it. The Kingdom win in a mild upset and we have new six-man tag team champions. Taven celebrates at ringside with his grandfather, with nary a babyback bitch in sight. 

Rating: Three Kerouacs

The Young Bucks vs. Hiromu Takahashi and BUSHI

The first time I saw the Young Bucks in person was a little over three years ago. They seemed absurdly popular then, and it’s amazing to think how much bigger they’ve gotten since. At this point, it sort of doesn’t matter what they do, the spectacle is the whole point of the event, so credit to them for still working hard to put together a wrestling match. This is very much NBA All Star territory, but more like one of those games where one absurdly competitive weirdo like Kobe Bryant decides he’s going to play really hard, and is countered by a similarly competitive weirdo on the opposite. This seesawed between “hey we’re havin’ a blast here” and “can you top this, you babyback bitch.” Lots of crazy stuff happening here, some near falls that actually felt like near falls, and the Bucks winning with the Meltzer Driver, sending the Bullet Club shirted masses home happy.

Rating: Three and a half Kerouacs 

[stupid-jeans]

@laureninspace asked: G, J, U G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it 

Timing is a little bit questionable because all of these things occurred roughly within the same time frame? But it was either Piper/Leo from Charmed or it was Buffy/Angel from BtVS. I still have notebooks somewhere of handwritten fanfic from English class in like 7th grade. J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr 

I blame Tumblr for a LOT of my fandoms actually? Castle was a huge one. More recently, One Day at a Time.

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms 

Ever? We’ll go with ever.

1. Alex Cabot, SVU. Cabenson was my first hardcore WLW ship back when I was still a closeted teenager. I’m still in love with Stephanie March. The glasses will get me every single time.

2. CJ Cregg, The West Wing. Do I need to explain this? Like, watch an episode of this incredible show (it’s still my favorite show of all time), fall in love. Because Allison Janney is something ELSE. Powerful and smart and also vulnerable and soft. Perfect character is perfect.

3. Kate Beckett, Castle. Stana Katic is a literal goddess, I’m pretty sure. And Beckett was this beautifully crafted character full of strength and wit and bravery and sass, coupled with vulnerability and a tragic backstory. I just pretend this show ended after season 5 and everything is great.

4. Thea, Valor. Oh, boy. Beyond Melissa Roxburgh being stupidly attractive (my obsession with her mouth is a bit of a problem), I’m just in love with her acting. And how unapologetic and strong and independent Thea is as a character? Like, she was chucked into the deep end and she never stopped swimming. Girl knows exactly how to get what she wants, is crazy smart, is fearless, and isn’t afraid to question authority or do what needs to be done to be the best at her job. Her emotions never get in the way. Also she’s really good at talking about her feelings? And she knows herself really well. So even though she has a lot of walls built up because of her job, she’s aware of that and has no qualms about letting other people know it, too. Oh, and she’s bisexual. Unapologetically so.

5. Ugh you’re gonna make me choose just one character from The Brave? I’m gonna give it to Jaz Khan. I love how...unexpected she is. Given her profession and the little hints we get about her background, I had certain expectations about her character. Almost every single one of those has been blown out of the water. And I am so okay with that. She should be walled off, but she’s not. She should be a tomboy, but she’s not. She should be prickly and emotionally stunted and only there for Dalton’s character development or whatever. She should be overly emotional because she’s the token girl on a team of men. None of these things are true. I love her so much and Natacha Karam is, like, literally the single most badass woman ever. Or at least she’s up there.

[genogenocrazycatman]

Stillwater - Chapter 13

Stillwater [Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net, Mibba]

Characters: Original Female Character, Monkey D. Luffy, Rorona Zoro, Vinsmoke Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Tony Tony Chopper, Nefeltari Vivi

***

"We build as only children know to build

We made a way where there's a will

No slowing down or standing still

Innocent and reckless

"How did we get so old and never notice

How did we gain the world and lose the moment

Rise and fall, the tide surrounds us

And drowns us all"

-Hands Like Houses

***

“You’re an idiot,” I said, staring at Zoro incredulously. “Ice swimming. It’s below freezing. Below. And what about Carue? You thought you should just leave the duck to guard the ship?”

“Everything was fine. I wasn’t going far.”

“Not going far? You ended up in Big Horn.”

“It was that stupid avalanche’s fault.”

“No. The avalanche must’ve pushed you to Big Horn, which means were on your way to Gyasta. You got lost.”

“I did not!” Zoro yelled.

“It took an avalanche to get you remotely back on course. You were lost.” I shook my head, getting back to my original point. “Your sense of direction isn’t the problem at the moment. It’s below zero out, and not only didn’t put on a coat, you actively took clothes off.”

“Will you let it go?”

“It was kind of stupid,” Luffy said.

“Says the boy, who’s running around in shorts, sandals a coat with only one arm,” I shot.

“Hey at least I put on a coat.” It was a strangely sound argument from the rubber boy.

“I will give you credit for that, but what about socks, shoes and long pants, huh? Gloves? A scarf?”

“What about them?”

I groaned in frustration. Next time Nami and I went shopping I was going to find a fabric store and buy everything I needed to make these boys snow suits. Then I was going to go to the hardware store and buy everything I needed to make sure that once I stuffed them in there, they couldn’t take them off. I was gonna need some yarn too, and knitting needles. They were gonna need hats and socks and scarves, and holy hell I was turning into Cal.

“All you have is that cloak,” Usopp pointed out.

“And at least two of almost every item of clothing I have on my body. Don’t turn this on me. I don’t have proper snow gear onboard. I was snatched up from Logue Town with no real warning, remember?”

We were outside. The medical ward was crowded with the people of Drum and Vivi, who was checking up on Nami and Sanji. The sun had dipped below the horizon, but the moon reflected off of the snow, lighting up the whole area. Usopp was making a snowman, Luffy was still trying to get the reindeer to join us, and I was nagging Zoro.

“Reindeer! Wherever you are, Reindeer come out!”

I would’ve taken a much quieter approach to getting the little guy to come out, seeing how timid he was, but this was Luffy. He did things his own way, which meant screaming for hours in order to find the reindeer. Because it was Luffy, it worked.

The reindeer appeared at the edge of the forest.

“Reindeer Guy!” Luffy greeted, when at last the small creature showed himself.

‘He’s so damn cute,’ I mentally cooed.

“Hey, you’re gonna come on our ship and be a pirate with us, kay?”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can, Reindeer. It’s a whole lotta fun.”

“That’s not a very good argument.”

I shushed Usopp. “And you’re not helping. Mr. Shoot-Him.”

“I can’t. I’m not a human. I’m a reindeer. I have antlers and hooves, you see. I even have a blue nose. Okay. Maybe I do want to be a pirate, but I can’t ever be one of you. I’m not human. I’m a monster. I can’t be your friend, and I can’t become a pirate on your ship.”

How many times had he been told that? How many times had he been shunned? I saw my brothers and sisters under go the same thing. Hell, many of them treated me that way, when they first met me. My heart broke for the little guy.

“You see? I’m just here to say thank you. I appreciate you asking me to join your ship. That was really nice, so thank you. I’m going to stay here for now, but if you wanted to, you could stop by here again.”

I chuckled. Not a chance.

“SHUT UP! LET’S GO!”

“Most people don’t make friends by telling them to shut up,” Zoro grumbled.

“Most people aren’t Luffy,” I reminded him.

The little reindeer started crying, before running over to join us.

Nami and Vivi had made their way out, dragging Sanji behind them. “That cannot be good for his back,” I said, approaching them, while Luffy celebrated our newest crewmate.

“He’s fine,” Nami said. “He’s Sanji.”

“He’s human,” I reminder her, kneeling down to check on him.

“Sanji. Sanji.” I waved my hand in front of his face, but didn’t get any reaction. He was really out of it. “Wow.” I sighed, placing one arm under his legs the other carefully under his back and picked him up, walking over to, where Zoro was sitting.

“Wow, can’t even walk on your own. How pathetic.”

Still no reaction.

“He’s not even in it to pick a fight with you.” I looked towards the girls. “What did you do to him?”

“It wasn’t us. It was that crazy doctor lady.”

‘That’ll do it,’ I thought.

“Doctorine!” the reindeer exclaimed. “I have to say goodbye, and I’ll need my bag.”

“Well then what are you waiting for?” Luffy asked. “Go get it.

“We’ll be waiting for you right here,” I assured him.

The reindeer ran into the castle, while the rest of us waited outside.

Usopp continued to work on his snowman. I sat with Zoro, Sanji in my arms. The girls and Luffy stepped back, staring up at the castle. That lasted about all of two seconds, before Luffy got bored and started making a massive snow ball.

“Nami, how are you feeling? Are you completely recovered from your illness already?” Usopp asked.

I peered at the navigator curiously, wondering that myself. Not that she couldn’t feel better so quickly, but Nami had lied about feeling sick to begin with in order to get Vivi to Alabasta. She didn’t look sick. Her skin had regained much of its healthy color back. She wasn’t sweating. I knew her fever was gone, and she didn’t really show any signs of fatigue.

“Sure am. I feel great.” Nami shot Usopp a thumbs up.

“Hey. How about we say goodbye to that old doctor lady and that guy, Dalton, from the village?”

“Don’t be so insensitive. We need to leave Chopper alone with Doctorine for a while. He lived with her for six years. We should let them say good bye in peace.”

I tuned out of that conversation, instead focusing my attention on Usopp and Zoro, who were bickering with each other like idiots. “Still, you two?”

“He started it!”

“No, I did not!”

“I’m ending it,” I said with finality.

Zoro muttered something under his breath. I couldn’t catch what it was though.

I carefully set Sanji down. Vivi, seeming to realize I was up to something, kneeled by him.

“Speak up, Zoro. I can’t hear you,” I said, using my left hand to hold my cloak in place, while sneaking my right one down to the snowbank we were sitting on.

“What makes you think I was talking about you?” he asked. “Kind of self-centered don’t you think?”

“Look at you go. That makes two ribs from the human popsicle. You’re on a bit of a roll.”

“I was training.”

“Well then here. Let me help you!” I said, giving him a snowy face wash.

“Damn it, Mira!”

I cackled with glee, only to get shoved backwards off of the bank into the snow.

Zoro looked down at me, smug.

“Oh it’s on.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist and cranked to the side, knocking Zoro off of the snowbank onto the ground.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I didn’t answer, continuing my momentum, so that Zoro was on his stomach in the snow and I was on his back. I pulled his arm into a chicken wing hold. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was enough that he couldn’t use that arm.

“Mira! Damn you!”

“Say, ‘Mira sorry for running my mouth,’ and I’ll let go.”

“No,” Zoro said.

I cranked back a bit more. This time it probably hurt, no severely. I didn’t pull enough to cause any damage. “Say it!”

“What was that about ending it?” Usopp asked.

“You can be next,” I reminded him.

Usopp paled. “Oh now. I’m fine. Give it to him, Mira!”

“Mira, don’t break Zoro,” Luffy whined.

“She’s not gonna break me!” Zoro yelled defiantly.

“You wanna bet?” I asked, pulling back more.

“And here I thought that you were the only sane one,” Nami sighed.

“Oh honey, you thought wrong.”

You couldn’t have as many male brothers, cousins, and nephews as I did and not engage in some rough housing from time to time. It was all in good fun. I wasn’t going to actually hurt Zoro, just as Zoro hadn’t been out to hurt me, when he pushed me off the bank. It was fun, and considering the day that we had been through, the worry, the agitation, I needed fun.

“SAY IT!”

“FINE! I’M SORRY FOR RUNNING MY MOUTH!”

I let go of Zoro’s arm and sat up, still straddling his back. “See you’re not nearly as stupid as Sanji says,” I said, patting his back. I stood up, allowing Zoro roll over onto his back.

“You’re strong,” he said. “A lot stronger than I thought, considering how tiny you are.”

I extended a hand to help him up, which he took. I hoisted him to his feet, purposely pulling to hard, so that he stumbled. “Big things come in small packages.”

“I gotta train even harder.”

I grinned, hearing those mumbled words just fine.

Zoro took his seat on the snowbank once again. I took my spot next to him. Luffy and Usopp had gone to get the rope way ready for us to depart.

Nami explained her general plan for getting Vivi back to Alabasta to us, stopping only, when loud noises coming from the castle distracted her.

“What’s going on? There’s a lot of noise coming from the castle.”

“How inconsiderate, making all that noise, while those two are trying to say goodbye. That’s just down right rude.”

“It would be if it wasn’t them making all the noise,” I said, seeing Chopper with a sleigh attached, running away from Kureha, who was spinning a flail above her head.

“Hey! We got the rope way ready to go,” Usopp called.

“Everybody, hurry and get on the sleigh. We’re going to head down the mountain!” Chopper said.

I just picked up Sanji, cause regardless of how we were leaving, we were leaving. The spiked ball of the flail got everyone else moving. We hopped in the sleigh, holding on for dear life as Chopper booked it down the rope of the rope way. We were moving so fast that it was hard to stay in the sleigh. I had to give the little guy credit. He could run.

“WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!” Luffy screamed, flying behind the sleigh. Usopp had a hold of Luffy, using the seat to keep himself from falling out.

“LUFFY YOU IDIOT KNOCK IT OFF!” Nami yelled.

I held onto the railing with one arm and Sanji with the other.

“You know, you could hold on better, if you let the shitty cook go.”

“Mr. Bushido,” Vivi scolded, even though she was straining to hold on.

“Quit worrying about Sanji and hang to Vivi.”

“You damn marimo, don’t you even think about laying a hand on our precious princess!” Sanji yelled.

“Look who’s finally up. Sleeping beauty back to the land of the living.”

It took Sanji a moment the position we were in, but once we did, he completely and totally freaked. “Oh to be held in the arms of an angel! Mira, my sweet!”

With a hard thud that jolted all of us we landed back on the ground, still moving forward.

“That was fun. Reindeer can we do that again?”

“You idiot, we don’t have time for that.”

“Phew. I thought I was a goner.”

“What’s going on?” Sanji asked, confusion breaking through his love sickness.

“Oh Sanji, you’re awake,” Vivi sighed with relief. “How are you feeling?”

“Luffy, duck!” I yelled, my eyes, barely registering that the yellow and orange thing we sped past.

“What?”

“Carue!” I said, more clearly pointing in the appropriate direction.

“Carue! We forgot Carue!” Vivi looked back, alarmed.

“Grab him!” I yelled.

Luffy shot an arm out behind us, grabbing onto the bird, bringing him to the sled, when his arm snapped back.

“Oh Carue!” Vivi cried, hugging the duck. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I got so caught up in everything-”

“I’m sure you would’ve realized, when we made it to the Merry,” Sanji said, comforting her. “After all, you wouldn’t get onboard until we found him back in Whisky Peak.”

“What were you doing wandering through the woods,” she asked.

Carue, squawked, shivering and huddling close to Vivi.

The sound of cannons firing, caused us to all look back towards the castle.

“Is she really firing cannon balls?” Zoro growled out.

“No,” I breathed out, amazed by the sight in front of me. “No. Chopper stop! Look!”

The reindeer peered back over his shoulder, coming to a halt.

A massive pink cloud surrounded the top of the mountain, we’d just come down, obscuring the castle. It resembled a tree, the cloud making up the crown and the mountain itself the trunk. The color wasn’t limited to the cloud. The snow that fell was the same shade. It looked like the petals of cherry blossoms. At least the ones in pictures. I had never seen a real-life cherry blossom before.

Kureha hadn’t been firing at us. She’d been giving Chopper one hell of a sendoff. I didn’t know the significance of this specific gesture, the story behind the pink snow, but considering the way that the little reindeer broke down, there was something there, something more than the pain of goodbye.

Our journey back to the ship was much slower now. There was no need to rush. Kureha wasn’t out to kill us. It gave us time to appreciate the beauty of everything.

When we finally made it to the ship, Chopper stopped, taking it in.

“Shishishishi! Welcome to your new home, Chopper.”

“The finest ship on all the seas, the Going Merry! Gifted to us by the kindest most gentle girl in the world, the amazing Kaya!”

“It’s okay Vivi! I’ll help you carry your beloved-“

“No!” I nixed that right in the bud. “Zoro, carry Carue. Sanji, you’re not carrying anything until Chopper gives you the okay.”

“But Mira-“

“And you’re not cooking.”

“Then how am I supposed to keep my lovely beauties-“

“Luffy, can I ban Sanji from the kitchen until he’s better?” I asked. Luffy was already back on the ship, having just hoisted himself up over the railing using his devil fruit. “I’ll cook.”

Luffy nodded.

“What?!”

“Sanji, you have to get better, so then you can make me more meat,” Luffy said seriously.

“Unbelievable,” Sanji muttered, heading for the ladder.

We all loaded up and set sail for Alabasta. The boys started goofing around on deck, having busted out the brew, while I headed into the kitchen to make everyone something to eat. It was a long day, I was hungry, so I knew the others had to be too, especially Luffy.

“Hey Mira,” Nami said from the door way.

“Yeah.”

“Can you make something special for Chopper? I think he’s a little overwhelmed with those idiots out there.”

“Already working on it,” I said. “Can you leave the door open, so that I can still hear everyone else?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

She headed back out.

“Carue, I’m so sorry you had to wander around like that. After you had finally thawed out too. How’d you even end up in the river in the first place?”

Carue squawked out a response.

“That bird. Ten berries says he slipped and fell into the river. He’s a clumsy one,” Zoro jibed.

“He said he was on his way to the ship, because he didn’t know, where you guys were. He knew Zoro wasn’t in trouble any more he just wanted to find you,” Chopper said.

“How’d he get in the river in the first place?” I asked.

“He said Zoro jumped into the river and disappeared. He thought Zoro was in trouble, so he jumped into the river to help and ended up getting frozen in it,” Chopper translated.

“So this is all your fault!” Nami’s words were marked with the familiar sound of fist hitting skull.

“Cause you got lost,” I added, poking my head out to give him a very pointed look.

“Are you really able to understand everything that Carue’s saying?” Nami asked.

“Yes. I’m technically half animal by nature, so I can understand what they say.”

“You can talk to animals?”

“Oh wow Chopper! Between your medical skills and talking to animals, you have some amazing talents,” Nami praised him.

“Don’t be silly like that, you jerk! Flattering me like that isn’t going to make me happy or anything!”

“He sure looks happy.”

“What did you mean about Chopper’s medical skills?” Zoro asked.

“Well Chopper here is a doctor and a first rate one at that. Dr. Kureha taught him everything there is to know about medicine.”

The boys were all shocked. I walked over to the door way and laughed at their reactions.

“What? Impossible. Chopper are you seriously a doctor?”

“How cool!”

“No way!”

“Really Luffy if you didn’t know he was a doctor, what did you think he was, when you asked him to join us?” Nami asked.

“Magical talking transforming reindeer monster.”

“That’ll do it.”

“Back up food,” Sanji answered, scaring Chopper.

I glanced at the spoon in my hand. I thought about throwing it at Sanji, but ultimately decided that my glare was enough for now.

“Wait! Oh no! I was in such a big hurry, I left my medical bag behind that had all my tools in it!”

“But isn’t this it?” Nami held up a small blue backpack with a white x on it.

“It is my bag. How is that?”

“What do you mean?”

I headed back in, finishing up our meal, heading back out on the deck with the platter full of sandwiches.

Sanji’s smelled it, before he even saw it. “Ham, cheese, bread, egg, powdered sugar, preserves. The egg serves as a dip, instead of being fried. It’s not a croque-monsieur, but close. Monte Cristo?” he asked.

“You’re good. Comfort food,” I said, my hand catching Luffy’s face, before he could attack the platter. Stretched out his mouth, wrapping my hand around it, so that I could get a good grip on it, so that he couldn’t open it. That way even if he grabbed at the food, he couldn’t immediately go and start jamming it down his gullet.

“Chopper, Straw Hat survival tip number one. Always defend your food. If you take your eyes off of it for a second, Luffy will eat it.”

Chopper’s eyes widened.

“But if he does, I’m always willing to sneak you something else later.”

“What?” Zoro and Usopp yelled. I rolled my eyes.

“My darling, Mira, such a sweetheart.”

“Why does he get more food and we don’t?” Zoro asked.

“Yeah!”

“He’s adorable. He gets special privileges.”

“Ridiculous.”

Alright everyone dig in!”

Immediately, everything went to hell in a hand basket, but that was typical for us. It was the usual. Everyone was fending Luffy off. Zoro and Sanji started fighting about something stupid, which Luffy encouraged, mouth full of sandwiches. Carue scarfed his down so quickly that he started choking, causing Vivi to become even more frazzled. There was going to be a massive mess for me to clean up, but it was worth it.

Chopper sat off to the side with Nami eating his sandwiches. I snuck into the kitchen, grabbing my special dessert for Chopper and plopping down on the other side of him.

“Here,” I said, handing him the small dish. “It’s cookie dough dip that I made with homemade graham crackers that Sanji made. Just for you.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “Yep. All for you.”

He dug in. “This is so good! Thank you…”

“I never introduced myself. I’m so sorry. “I’m Zale Mira Kai, but just call me Mira.”

“She’s the ship stewardess,” Nami explained.

“Luffy’s our captain, as you already know, and Zoro’s first mate.”

“Not that he acts like one.”

I snorted, nodding. “Usopp is our sniper.”

“Sanji’s our cook.”

“He blows my food out of the water by the way.”

“I’m the navigator.”

“And Vivi and Carue are from Alabasta, which is where we’re heading.”

Chopper looked at everyone. Luffy was still cheering, switching from Zoro to Sanji and back again. Usopp was screaming, trying to be heard.

“Hey. You know they’re crazy, but I’ve never had this much fun ever!”

“Good,” Nami and I echoed each other, smiling at the young reindeer.

“I propose a toast to our new friend Chopper!” Usopp finally managed to yell out over the chaos. The boys stopped fighting long enough to grab their mugs and raise them in the air.

***

Notes:

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***

Master List | Mobile Version

[gdwessel]

G1 Climax 27 Night 14 - 8/5/2017; Strong Style History Recording Today: Hashimoto v. Ogawa; Featured Matches for RevPro Summer Sizzler, War Of The Worlds UK Tour

G1 Climax B Block resumed, with a few surprises happening!

- 8/5/2017, Osaka EDION Arena

Chase Owens [Bullet Club] d. Katsuya Kitamura (Package Driver, 4:57)

Zack Sabre Jr., Taichi & El Desperado [SZKG] d. Yuji Nagata, Shota Umino & Tetsuhiro Yagi (Desperado > Umino, Numero Dos, 7:01)

Bad Luck Fale & Yujiro Takahashi [Bullet Club] d. Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Tomoyuki Oka (Takahashi > Oka, Pimp Juice, 7:41)

Tetsuya Naito, BUSHI & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables] d. Togi Makabe, Tiger Mask IV & Hirai Kawato (BUSHI > Kawato, Boston Crab, 7:03)

Hirooki Goto, Tomohiro Ishii & YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] d. Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kota Ibushi [FREE] & David Finlay Jr. (Goto > Finlay, GTR, 7:15)

G1 Climax 27 B Block: Toru Yano [CHAOS] d. Tama Tonga [Bullet Club] (rollup, 3:15)

G1 Climax 27 B Block: Satoshi Kojima d. SANADA [Los Ingobernables] (Lariat, 12:09)

G1 Climax 27 B Block: Michael Elgin d. Minoru Suzuki [SZKG] (Elgin Bomb, 11:13)

G1 Climax 27 B Block: Juice Robinson d. Kenny Omega [Bullet Club] (rollup, 15:36)

G1 Climax 27 B Block: EVIL [Los Ingobernables] d. Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS] (EVIL STO, 22:47)

Kojima gets his first win! Okada takes his first loss! (Okada needs opponents for the coming defenses right?) Omega loses! SANADA eliminated! It’s all to play for now! Chase Owens passes his initial test as a heavyweight singles wrestler in NJPW with a win over the Young Lion, Kitamura.

Current B Block standings:

Okada - 12pts (6W 0D 1L) Omega - 10pts (5W 0D 2L) EVIL - 10pts (5W 0D 2L) SANADA - 8pts (4W 0D 3L) Suzuki - 8pts (4W 0D 3L) Yano - 6pts (3W 0D 4L) Elgin - 6pts (3W 0D 4L) Robinson - 4pts (2W 0D 5L) Tonga - 4pts (2W 0D 5L) Kojima - 2pts (1W 0D 6L)

Just as a programming note, at least three of us (hopefully 4!) will be recording the next episode of Strong Style History later today, and we are very positive this will be the best one yet. The topic, as we’ve said previously, will focus on the feud between Shinya Hashimoto and Naoya Ogawa. Stay tuned for what should be a very exciting episode!

I’ve been a little lax in my reporting of matches for the upcoming UK events involving NJPW, namely, RevPro’s Summer Sizzler 2017 on Thursday 8/17/2017, and the ROH/RevPro/CMLL/NJPW War of the Worlds UK mini-tour. So here’s a brief summation of the matches that have been announced for those shows:

RevPro Summer Sizzler - 8/17/2017, York Hall, Bethnal Green, London

Bully Ray v. Sha Samuels

Jay White v. Travis Banks

Dalton Castle v. Zack Gibson

Martin Stone v. Sami Callihan

Ryan Smile & Shane Strickland v. Jay & Mark Briscoe

RevPro Undisputed British Cruiserweight Championship: Josh Bodom (c) v. Jushin Thunder Liger

RevPro Undisputed British Heavyweight Championship: Zack Sabre Jr. (c) v. Chris Brookes

Marty Scurll v. Rey Mysterio

ROH/NJPW/RevPro/CMLL War of the Worlds UK - 8/18/2017, York Hall, Bethnal Green, London

Cody Rhodes, Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, Marty Scurrl & Adam Page [Bullet Club] v. Tetsuya Naito, SANADA, EVIL, BUSHI & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables]

ROH World Television Championship: KUSHIDA (c) v. Titan

ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship: Dalton Castle & The Boys (c) v. Mistico, Delerious & Jushin Thunder Liger

Four Corner Survival Match: Bully Ray v.Jay Lethal v. Silas Young v. Sha Samuels

Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian v. Ultimo Guerrero & Rey Bucanero

Jay Briscoe v. Kenny King

Mark Briscoe v. Ryan Smile

- 8/19/2017, Liverpool Olympia

ROH World Championship: Cody Rhodes [Bullet Club] (c) v. SANADA [Los Ingobernables]

ROH World Tag Team Championship: Matt & Nick Jackson [Bullet Club] (c) v. Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian

ROH World Television Championship Four Corner Survival Match: KUSHIDA (c)* v. Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables] v. Marty Scurll [Bullet Club] v. Dalton Castle

Bully Ray, Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe v. Tetsuya Naito, EVIL & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables]

Ultimo Guerrero & Rey Bucanero v. Mistico & Titan

Adam Page [Bullet Club] v. Kenny King

- 8/20/2017, Edinburgh Corn Exchange

Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian v. Cody Rhodes & Marty Scurll [Bullet Club]

ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship: Dalton Castle & The Boys (c)* v. Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson & Adam Page  [Bullet Club]

Edinburgh Street Fight: Jay Lethal v. Silas Young

Jay & Mark Briscoe v. Ultimo Guerrero & Rey Bucanero

Bully Ray v. EVIL [Los Ingobernables]

* - if still champion

There will undoubtedly be more matches announced for these shows.

The penultimate night of A Block happens tomorrow:

- 8/6/2017, Shizuoka Act City Hamamatsu

Juice Robinson & David Finlay Jr. v. Tomoyuki Oka & Katsuya Kitamura

Michael Elgin & Hirai Kawato v. EVIL & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables]

Satoshi Kojima & Hiroyoshi Tenzan v. Tama Tonga & Yujiro Takahashi [Bullet Club]

Kenny Omega & Chase Owens [Bullet Club] v. SANADA & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables]

Kazuchika Okada, Toru Yano & Gedo [CHAOS] v. Minoru Suzuki, Taichi & El Desperado [SZKG]

G1 Climax 27 A Block: Yuji Nagata v. Zack Sabre Jr. [SZKG]

G1 Climax 27 A Block: Kota Ibushi [FREE] v. YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS]

G1 Climax 27 A Block: Hirooki Goto [CHAOS] v. Bad Luck Fale [Bullet Club]

G1 Climax 27 A Block: Togi Makabe v. Tetsuya Naito [Los Ingobernables]

G1 Climax 27 A Block: Hiroshi Tanahashi v. Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS]

[mitchtheficus]

who are your top 5 new japan wrestlers?

1. Kenny Omega

surprising exactly no one, Omega is my top pick.

i really like the way he thinks and talks about wrestling, how seriously he takes it and his vision of what’s possible (while simultaneously rejecting a certain type of Taking Wrestling Seriously, which doesn’t value things like making the audience laugh)

I love the way he takes time to talk to the camera and make those of us who don’t live in Japan or speak Japanese feel like we’re included and we belong.

I’ve never watched a match with him in it and finished feeling like I’d wasted my time. There’s always something in it.

I love how he makes his own stories. This Thing with Ibushi has been almost entirely Kenny’s own creation (at least the parts of it the English-speaking audience can see). Kenny, Ibushi, and AJ created that moment where Kenny betrayed Ibushi (without any input from the company), and it’s been Kenny keeping that story alive with his clever use of social media and his vague, dramatic answers to questions in interviews. It’s one of the best wrestling stories ever told and no promotion even created it.

and putting all that in-ring stuff aside, i love how much he believes himself and his abilities. I admire that sureness even when I can see it getting him into trouble. And I’m constantly impressed with how brave he is and how disinterested in doing a thing just because that’s what everyone else does. The casual bravery with which he treats being openly bisexual literally makes me catch my breath.

also he’s just so gosh darn pretty

2. Tetsuya Naito

i like how you never know what he’s gonna do. he’s such a wildcard. it always makes it exciting when he’s on the screen.

i love the way he watches people to see what they’ll do about him.

his face is always doing something interesting.

you don’t need to speak Japanese to understand what he’s doing because he’s so good at communicating with his whole body

and he’s such a wildcard weirdo that all of his relationships with other wrestlers are really interesting.

3. Kazuchika Okada

this Better-Than-You dramatic Sparkle King slays me. 

One half of the Best Match Ever (Omega told Dave Meltzer he couldn’t’ve had that match with anyone else), he’s an incredible wrestler and his character work is on pointe!

he’s so unimpressed with everyone and I don’t know why I love that so much but I really, really do.

Putting up with everyone who is Not As Good As Me is so trying for him, the poor dear.

He also has the Prettiest Dropkick in the World

4. Hiroshi Tanahashi

I mean

i mean?

i MEAN???

he asked to be one of Dalton Castle’s BOYS!!!!

He presented his thigh to the camera to make sure the Folks At Home were getting the very most out of this boy costume we possibly could! WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! WHAT IS BETTER THAN THIS GIF??? NOTHINGGGGGG

he has beautiful hair and thinks his legs are too short and plays air guitar! i LOVE THIS MAN!!! also he’s good at wrestling and stuff too obviously

5. Roppongi Vice

(Kota’s not signed with NJPW and as much as I enjoy Tiger Mask W he’s not a top 5 contender. And I consider the bucks as primarily RoH since they haven’t really done anything with NJPW this year)

I like both Rocky and Barreta a lot and I love their dynamic.

Rocky is so enthusiastic and loud and Barreta is so tired