#at least they tryna fix their mistake

[redstarwriting]

his girl | ii. envy me

earth 42!miles morales x fem!reader | miles morales x fem!reader

word count: 2.1k

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: language, insults, spoilers, probably bad spanish, 42 Miles and reader get into a little spat, stubborn 42 Miles, violent 42 Miles, Miles and Miles almost fight twice

a/n: teehee and so it begins 🤭 didn’t expect this to turn into a whole series but i’m not mad. i hope y’all enjoy the storyline i thought up and please, by all means, give me your input! thank you all for the support 🖤 enjoy :)

previous chapter: i. his girl

now reading: ii. envy me

next chapter: iii. all the riches

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Miles, in fact, did not run. He was too taken aback to do anything, even though his body was screaming at him too. And he was too focused on your confused face. You looked exactly like his (Y/n), and it made his heart ache. And that is how other Miles was able to knock him out so fast. And why he just woke up in his Uncle Aaron’s apartment, chained to the punching bag, just like he did to Peter after first meeting him. He hears his uncle's music blaring from his record player. He looks in the direction it’s coming from. His eyes widen as he sees his Uncle Aaron. He’s alive. “Uncle Aaron?”

“Not your tío,” 42 Miles says, and Miles glares at him. “I’m just tryna go home, bro. Why are you doing this? What are you getting from this?”

“You said you’re from a different dimension?”

“Yeah. And?” Miles asks, narrowing his eyes at him. “Why are you here?”

“I told you I was sent here by mistake! I just wanna get back to my world, man. Dad’ll die,” he says, exasperated, and Miles stares at him with a blank expression. “Your dad alive?”

“Yeah, of course, he is,” Miles says, and 42 Miles frowns slightly. “Oh.”

Miles normally would be able to piece together what the disappointment in his voice would mean. But he's a little preoccupied with multiple other thoughts currently to necessarily care to psychoanalyze his own behaviors. He also doesn’t have the chance to see Aaron’s face drop and see the sadness in his eyes. Or the way you immediately look at your Miles to make sure the news didn’t break him. “But he’s gonna die if you keep me here,” Miles explains, and 42 Miles nods. “Yeah. Well, you ain’t leaving.”

“…Please. You have to let me go,” Miles pleads. But 42 Miles just stares at him, unmoved. “Why would I do that?” he asks, placing his gauntlet next to Miles’ head. Miles frowns, placing his finger on the piece of metal linking the chains together, ready to electrocute it and make his escape. The other him stares at him with an unreadable expression, seemingly no emotion behind his eyes, and just as it feels like shit is about to go down, he hears your voice ring out. “Miles. Just let him go.” Both your Miles and 1610 Miles turn their heads to you. It’s the first time 1610 Miles noticed you were in here. “(Y/n)? Bro, why are you letting her around your business?” Miles asks, and 42 Miles shoots a venomous look at him. “She insisted on coming. This is her first time around this shit,” Miles hisses at him. 1610 Miles can’t help but feel a tightening in his chest. He wants nothing more than for you from his world to be here with him. Not even in a romantic way, at least that’s what he’s trying to convince himself. He just misses you. He chased you away, and now he doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to fix it. His thoughts are interrupted when you clear your throat. Both of the boys look back in your direction. You’re on Aaron’s couch, staring at your Miles with such intensity it makes even 1610 Miles lock up. He can only imagine what it’s like being the one on the receiving end of that look. He sees other Miles’ eyes soften in his peripheral vision as he removes his fist from beside Miles’ head. “Mi amor…”

“No. Let him go, there’s no point in keeping him here,” you say, and 42 Miles frowns. “Not one to let people go, (Y/n). You know that.”

“I don’t give a fuck, Morales.”

“Damn, ma! Not even callin’ me Miles now?” Miles asks, an edge to his voice. You frown. “No. Not right now. Let him go, and we’ll see.”

“Why you want me to let him go? Got a crush on him or something?” Miles asks, and you raise your eyebrow. You glance at Miles, then back to your Miles. “Technically, yeah. I do. Unless you’d prefer I break up with both of you right now,” you say back, your voice just as cold as your boyfriend’s. “You tellin’ me you’d rather have this guy? Sayin’ this guy is like me? Estás de broma…” he mutters, and Miles looks between the two of you. “Not to piss you off more, but this guy is still technically you,” Miles says, and 42 Miles glares at him. “Cállate. No one was talking to you.”

“Man, why do you hate me so much?! I’m you!” Miles says, exasperated. He just doesn’t understand why this version of him is so hostile to him. They’re basically the same! Except Miles is a superhero and other Miles is a supervillain, but they still both have super in the title so how different can they really be? “Is this a call for help or–”

Miles gets cut off but 42 Miles punching the punching bag, right by Miles’ head. Enough force is exuded that the sand from the bag flies out, starting to pour down the side of it. His eyes widen, and you gasp. Even Aaron reacts a bit to it. But maybe it’s just because someone who looks exactly like his nephew is on the receiving end of it this time. This time. “Miles!” you yell, standing up. “What?!”

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“What I gotta do! You don’t get it, (Y/n)! This is the job!” Miles yells, and you roll your eyes. “Oh, please, Miles. This is the job? He’s you! Wouldn’t you be trying to get home if you knew you could save your dad?!” you yell, and he glares at you. “(Y/n). Don’t.”

“You know you would be,” you walk over to him, placing your hands on his cheeks. He subconsciously relaxes, but only slightly. You sigh. “You don’t have to be such a hardass all the time, amor,” you mumble, and he shakes his head. “No comprendes, amor… I have to be this way. Or else— “

“Miles, he’s not a part of the cartel. He’s not gonna tell anyone here that you let him go… he’s not even from here. It’s okay for you to think with your heart instead of your head just this once,” you say, and he huffs. “Nah. I stopped thinkin’ with my heart a long time ago,” he says, and a hurt expression crosses your face. “Then what am I? A calculated move for you to use as an adavantage when you need it?” you ask, venom in your words. “No, (Y/n), don’t be estúpida. You’re mi vida, but him? How I know he ain’t just some experiment they made? To get to me?” Miles asks, looking at you with a skeptical look. You sigh. “Dude! I don’t even know what you’re talking about! I have spider powers, is that a thing anyone else here has?!”

“No.”

“Exactly! Why would whoever you’re talking about make a carbon copy of you with enhanced biology just to use me for this?!” Miles asks, and you shrug. “He’s got a point, Miles,” you say, and 42 Miles looks at you again. “Thank you, (Y/n),” 1610 Miles says, and 42 Miles rolls his eyes. “(Y/n) you have to understand that I can’t take no chances. You know that the cartel will go after—”

“I know. I know, Miles, but I really don’t think that—”

“You don’t know that (Y/n). You don’t know them like I do,” Miles says, and you sigh. “Miles. Mi amor. Mi vida. Mi sol, listen to me. If he wanted you dead, he would have done it by now,” you try to get through to him. He glances back at Miles, and Miles can literally see the distrust and paranoia in his expression.

He must have been through so much shit. This is a world with no Spider-Man after all. And all this mention of a cartel? No wonder Miles turned to the Prowler. It’s similar to Aaron in his world, he thinks. He thought that he had nowhere else to turn, so he turned to crime. But deep down, he can’t be that bad. Right…?

“Amor, I need to be cautious. I just have to ask him some questions before… letting him go,” he mumbles, glancing at Aaron. Aaron nods. 1610 Miles gets the feeling they’re not planning on letting him go. You must get that feeling too, because you shake your head, pulling your hands away from Miles’ face. “I can’t believe you right now,” you say, and he frowns. “(Y/n), please just try to understand—”

“No, Miles! I’m done trying to understand you when you never try to understand me!” you yell, and he clenches his jaw. “What do you mean by that, huh?” he asks, and you scoff. “I just. I need to leave. Before I do something I regret.”

“Like what, huh? Break up with me? Fight with me? Actually understand where I’m coming from for once?” Aaron cringes at that. You’re probably the most understanding person in his life other than him. That wasn’t the right choice of words. And you let him know it. “FOR ONCE?! Miles! Oh my god! Are you serious right now?! How many times have you tried to understand me?! I lost people too, you know! And I’m not out here—”

“Do you think I want to do this, (Y/n)?! Be fuckin’ for rea! I do this for you!” he yells back, and you shake your head, frustrated to the point of tears. “I never asked you to do this!”

“You didn’t need to because I love you enough to want to without you asking me to! You need it, Mamá needs it, everyone needs it, and I can provide it for all of you!” You angrily wipe a tear away, trying desperately to keep the rest of them contained. Miles softens. “Amor, no necesitas llorar—”

“Stop, Miles. Just… just stop. I need some air, don’t follow me,” you turn, hurrying to Aaron’s door. Miles steps forward to go after you, but Aaron puts a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. “Nah, man. Give her some space. She’ll come around,” Aaron says, and Miles clenches his fists. As soon as he sees you slip out of the door, closing it behind you, he turns to Miles. “This is your fault,” he says, pointing at him. “Miles,” Aaron says, crossing his arms. While he is also weary of this new Miles, his Miles isn’t thinking rationally right now. Then again, he is only 15. That’s why Aaron is here, sometimes he needs some assistance. “Why you lookin’ at me like that?” Aaron asks the other Miles. Miles hadn’t even realized he’d been staring. He shakes his head. “Nothing… nothing. Just… good to see you. Haven’t in a while,” he mumbles, and Aaron raises his eyebrow. That could mean a few things. Best not to dwell on it, though. 

“Who are you, really?” 42 Miles asks, and 1610 Miles groans. “I’m you, dude! Why is that so hard to understand?! I’m not a part of a cartel or anything I just want to get home!” Miles is frustrated. Seeing the world they live in from Aaron’s window, he gets why Miles is so… paranoid. But honestly, how long can he keep this uncertainty up? “Explain how you got here. And don’t just say ‘by mistake,’ alright?” Miles says, showing the claws on his gauntlets. Miles rolls his eyes. “I’m Spider-Man, right? And there’s tons of different Spider-Mans… men? Not important, there’s other me’s! And Spider-Women, Spider-People in a bunch of different dimensions, one of them, Miguel, figured out how to travel dimensions and we all met each other… except I wasn’t supposed to meet them because the spider that made me Spider-Man actually came from this world so someone here was supposed to get bit and I wasn't supposed to exist like this, but—”

“Wait… you sayin’ my world ain’t supposed to be like this…?” Miles asks, and Miles nods. “Yes. The people at Alchemax on my world built a collider and had the spider come to my world and it got out and—”

“You’re the reason for this?” Miles looks at himself, who is not even angrier. “I… n-no, but yes, I—” Miles gets cut off by a gauntlet getting placed way too close to his head again. What he doesn’t know is 42 Miles just put together everything in his head. This Miles was Spider-Man. And his dad was still alive because of it. If that were the case for him, maybe his dad wouldn’t have died. Maybe he wouldn’t have been like this. 

He could have had everything that was taken from him. 

“That’s enough talking, cabrón,” he growls, ready to escalate things yet again. Miles gets ready to break out of his restraints again, and Aaron gets ready to help Miles out. Then, over the music, they hear a scream.

A scream that undoubtedly belongs to you.

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[letitiaslabyrinth]

DIDN'T DESERVE | PART TWO

warnings: feels. like a lot of them. talks about mental and emotional abuse. Shuri goes o f f. angst, angst ending in fluff, y'all get a happy ending this time dw pairing: Shuriri word count: 2.5k A/N: LISTENNNNNNNNN I know I'm late with this alright? I knowww but I'm here now so 😭 also my bad for dipping for like a week? maybe more than that but I'm gonna be honest this fic was kicking my ass cause I was going through a lot while tryna write. needless to say there's so much projecting in this it's c r a z y. anyways even tho this took me so long, im still not satisfied with the ending but i digress since i need sumn to give yall ignore any and all mistakes cause this isnt proof read.

It had been a month since Riri told Shuri she wasn't going to forgive her and it had been the worst month of both of their lives.

Shuri had basically overwhelmed herself with her work in the lab. She never left—she practically slept there most nights. 

It's not that Shuri had things to fix with the suits, hell, she didn't even bother looking at them because they reminded her of Riri, but she needed something to keep her hands and mind busy so she just worked on small projects.

People started to notice, obviously, but nobody said anything. It’s not that they didn’t want to, it’s the fact that they knew Shuri wouldn’t listen. She was in her own world right now—her own safe space and anybody who tried to break her out of it in any way would be yelled at. 

Okoye walks into the lab, rushing to Shuri’s side as she almost falls over. “kumkanikazi wam kufuneka uphumle," (My queen you must rest) she says, helping Shuri sit down.

“I’m fine, Okoye.” Shuri brushes her off and tries to stand, only to nearly collapse for a second time. Okoye sits her down again.

“You have buried yourself in your technology for the past month, Shuri. You are hurting your body.”

Shuri sits there for a second. Her head drops, making her sit up straight. “Alright, maybe, I should take a nap-”

“In your own bed,” Okoye interrupts.

“Yes, in my own bed, Okoye.” Shuri rolls her eyes in fake annoyance before leaving to go to her room.

Once she’s there, she takes a shower first. The water feels so nice against her skin that she doesn't wanna get out. 

Over an hour later, Shuri stepped out of the shower. She wrapped her towel around her body and made her way to her bedroom. She dried herself off and put on a pair of clothes then sat on her bed. It was quiet. She didn’t know how to feel with no foreign noise or voice in the background. Shuri shakes her head and puts her phone on her bedside table. That’s when she sees it. In the crevasse between the bed and the night stand was a photo. Shuri picked it up. It was a picture of her and Imani. It was their first date. Shuri can feel tears starting to form and puts the picture down. She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around her chest, slightly rocking side to side. She hasn't taken any time for herself since her breakup with Imani and now that she was, it… actually, Shuri didn’t know how she felt. At least, not exactly. Yes, she was hurt. Yes, she was upset, but what else? Imani had put Shuri through so much mental and emotional manipulation that even when they broke up Shuri didn’t realize it. Shuri doesn’t know if she should feel relieved now that she knows or not. In all honesty, realizing that she was basically nothing more than a plaything for Imani to control, realizing all the sleepless night and petty arguments would only ever end in Shuri apologizing whether she was in the wrong or not, realizing that her and Imani did have something real before things went south, it hurt.

Over the five years that they’ve known each other, they’ve broken up and gotten back together again a number of times. Shuri knew she shouldn’t have given in to Imani when she told Shuri that she had changed but Shuri missed her. I mean, could you blame her? Imani wasn’t the only person in their relationship and she wasn’t the only one who made the mistakes.

This breakup was different, though. It was final. Shuri and Imani had had an actual conversation, over text, about their relationship. Of course, Shuri had been the one who reached out first but when Imani told her she was tired of going back and forth, that was it. She left her alone.

Memories of how they were before they made anything official ran through Shuri’s mind. The midnight calls that would end up with Shuri falling asleep first because of how safe she felt with Imani. The constant texting and inside jokes they had with each other that no one else understood. The sound of her voice, her sweet, pretty smile that she always flashed at the camera, the future plans they had made with each other. Shuri had felt like she had met her true love, her first love. Ironic, huh? That the first person she ever dated would be the same person she would be with five, ten, twenty years later. Shuri had opened up to Imani about so many things. Things she would deny if somebody had asked her about it. Yes, Imani was Shuri’s first girlfriend but she made Shuri feel like they would never leave each other. Like they would stay together forever.

Shuri’s phone buzzes, the sound freeing her from her own mind. She lets herself go and wipes the tears she didn’t even realize had fallen. 

Ima ❤️

iMessage

Shuri dropped her phone. She got up, pacing around her room. So many questions started falling into her head all at once. She couldn’t think. She could hear her heartbeat in her-

Incoming call from Ima red heart

Shuri gasps, “Fuck!” 

Tears swelled her eyes. Why was Imani reaching out now? Just when Shuri was trying to start her healing process. Shuri sunk to the floor, head in her lap, hands over her head. She let her ringtone play out but even when it stopped she didn’t make any efforts to move.

She ended up sleeping there

Shuri hears Okoye’s voice when she starts waking up. Okoye’s shaking her and checking her vitals with her kimoyo beads.

“Okoye, I’m fine,” Shuri groans. Her side hurts from the way she slept but she barely even remembers sleeping.

“My queen, you have a visitor downstairs in the common area,” Okoye says.

Shuri prayed to Bast that it was Riri instead of Imani. "Tell them I'll be down in a second."

Okoye nods once before leaving.

"Imani?" Shuri says, causing her to turn around. She looks… different. A good different. But Shuri won't let herself fall for that trick again. "Why're you here?"

"I came to apologize." Her voice is different, too. It sounds more mature than Shuri remembered. "I was tryna reach out to you last night so that we could actually schedule a day that you weren't busy so I could come by but you didn't answer so I figured an apology in person would be better."

Shuri keeps her guard up while Imani talks, her arms folded over chest. "I don't forgive you."

Imani stays quiet for a few seconds. "What? Shuri, I said I was sorry."

"Yeah, and I do not forgive you. You put me through hell, Imani, and I know you didn't seriously come here thinking that those two words would make you forgive you for everything. And, to be honest, I would tell you how fucked up in the head I am because of you, but knowing you, you'd probably use it against me in the future, if we even talk. So, why don't you just save both of our time and tell me why you're really here."

"Fine." Imani takes a deep breath. "I wanna try this again. I know I hurt you, and I am sorry, Shuri, I was going through a lot at the time we were dating and I projected my emotions onto you, which I shouldn't have. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't live without you."

"Then don't," Shuri shrugs.

"What?"

"Live without me."

Imani smiles. "I knew you'd understand -”

"Oh, no no," Shuri cuts her off, shaking her head. "I'm not saying we can get back together, Ima, I'm telling you to kill yourself. You know, since you can't live without me, just don't bother living at all."

"Shuri, what the fuck? What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me is that my ex-girlfriend who mentally and emotionally abused me for years came into my house uninvited, gave a half-ass apology where she tried to turn herself into the victim, and then had the balls to ask me to get back together. That's what's wrong with me. You've ruined so many friendships I had and now thanks to you, I can't get them back. You knew I had never dated a girl before and you took advantage of that." Shuri raises her finger as Imani was about to say something. "And before you say it, no, we cannot just move on like we've done in the past. I deserve someone better than you. Someone who doesn't treat me like shit and doesn't ruin relationships I have with people just because they're insecure about themselves. So, do us both a favor and get the hell up outta my house. And if you can't find the exit on your own, Okoye and the other Dora will gladly help you." Just as the words left her mouth, Okoye and a few other Dora Milaje soldiers came from the shadows, spooking Imani.

"This isn't over, Shuri," Imani says while she's being rushed out. "You'll come running back!-”

"Oh, for bast's sake," Okoye says, rolling her eyes and pushing Imani out the house. "Make sure she leaves the city," she tells two of the Dora. "I do not want to see her here or anywhere in Wakanda again."

"Yes, General," They say in unison, escorting Imani off of Shuri's property.

Okoye turns around and sees that Shuri's sitting down on the couch. "Shuri, are you alright?"

Shuri nods. "Uh huh."

Okoye sits next to her. "You're crying," she says softly.

Shuri doesn't make any effort to wipe her tears or even hear what Okoye's saying. She's too busy replaying the "conversation" her and Imani just had. She hadn't expected to go off like that. She knew she was angry but she didn't realize she was that angry. Her words, her voice, her tone. 

"Can you give me a moment alone?" Shuri asks Okoye and Okoye nods once and rubs Shuri's shoulder before leaving the house.

Shuri sat on the couch until the sun went down. She didn't realize she had been staring into space for so long until she felt her eyes getting heavy. She gets up slowly and drags herself to her bed, falling into it once she's close enough. She holds her legs against her chest and continues staring into space.

Riri paces herself in her head. Stop acting like a pussy and just knock, she says in her head. She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. It opens slowly.

"Riri?" Shuri opens the door completely. "What're you doing here?" Shuri looks…like hell. Her voice came off so quiet Riri had barely heard her. There's bags under her eyes and they're red and puffy. She's been crying.

Riri rubs her hand on the back of her neck, "I wanted to talk to you."

"I thought you didn't want anything to do with me," Shuri mumbles. Her tone isn't harsh or anything, it's soft again. Despite Shuri's words, she opens the door fully, stepping out the way to let Riri inside.

Riri walks in slowly and sits down on the couch, Shuri sitting next to her.

"I know what I said to you the last time we saw each other was harsh, Shuri," Riri says after a few minutes of silence. "And I wanna apologize for it."

Shuri tilts her head, "Ri, you don't have to apologize for-" 

Riri shakes her head. "No, I do. I'm assuming you and Imani broke up before you came to see me and instead of understanding where you were coming from, I brushed you off. You didn't deserve that and I know it's no excuse but the only reason I did is because I like you. That's why it hurts me so much when you cut me off."

Shuri pauses. I like you. Like. Not liked. Like. 

"You… you like me?" Shuri says slowly. "Like, present tense, Ri? Like, like like?"

"Yes, like like, Shuri," Riri says smiling.

"Even though I hurt you?"

Riri shrugs. "Everybody makes mistakes. Don't worry about it."

Shuri stays quiet for a few seconds. "So, what now? Are you…my girlfriend?"

Riri turns her full body towards Shuri, looking her in her eyes. "Can I be your girlfriend, Shuri?"

"Yes." Shuri's answer is immediate but she means it. She likes Riri. She's always liked Riri. Riri was easy to talk to, Shuri always found herself at Riri's apartment whenever she and Imani ended up fighting.

"Should we watch a movie?" Riri asks.

Shuri nods. "You can pick, I'ma go freshen up a little bit and get some blankets."

…

It's been four months since Shuri and Riri have started dating. 

Shuri's happier now, way happier. Her mental health since she and Riri have gotten together has slowly improved. It's taken some time but when Shuri finally opened up to Riri about what she went through while dating Imani, Riri almost booked a flight to LA just to find her. Shuri had to beg her not to because she knew how that would end and she didn't need her new girlfriend ending up in jail because of her ex.

"Mama, can you come here for a minute please?"

Shuri pauses the TV and walks over to Riri, who's in the kitchen. "Yes?"

"I want you to try something for me." Riri puts a plate of food in front of Shuri as she sits down on the bar stool next to the counter. Shuri's confused at first, she doesn't know what the dish is, but before she can ask the question, Riri speaks up, "It's ground beef and rice. You told me you'd never actually had it before so I decided to make it for you."

Shuri smiles at the fact that Riri remembers. She takes a small bite at first then a bigger one. "This is good, Ri," she says with her mouth slightly full. "Like, really fucking good." Riri covers her hand over her mouth to hide her smile but Shuri can still see it from the way her cheeks go up.

Shuri finishes her plate in a matter of seconds. Riri had been making meals for Shuri ever since she found out she had barely been eating and despite eating being difficult, Shuri finished her food every. single. time. 

"You like it?" Riri says, still smiling, "Like, you really like it?"

"Yes, Ri. It's so good." While Shuri goes to put her plate in the sink, she kisses Riri on her forehead. "You should definitely open that restaurant you've been talking about."

Riri chuckles and sits on the counter. "I want to, but to open a restaurant, first, I need money. Then, I need a vacant lot, and then I need employees and-"

"Baby, I have money. I have people and friends who can work for you."

Riri shakes her head, "No, no, I wanna make it there on my own, and I'd love your help but I don't want the foundation of my restaurant to be you cause then I'm gonna feel like I owe you for the rest of my life."

"I get it, Ri. I want to help you, I do, but since you wanna make it on your own, I'll let you and when you do make it on your own, I will be there with you."

[bubble-popping]

day seven is gonna be a tumblr-exclusive since it's not quite long enough to put on ao3 imo and it's part of a longer au i've written

enjoy some hurt/comfort and dorks in love (they don't know it yet)

This was his fault. He should've been quicker. He shouldn't have let Dream out of his sight. If only he wasn't such an idiot.

Dream was dying and it was all his fault.

Techno sighed heavily as he rested his head against his clasped hands, posture slumped forward in his seat. His leg bounced involuntarily, gaze fixed on the old wood floor but not seeing a thing. That moment just kept replaying in his mind. Teeth sinking into Dream's shoulder, the bellow of pain, raw fear in his eyes that Techno couldn't take away. He failed at the one thing he promised to always do. The pact they'd formed together, to protect and watch out for each other, and he failed.

That whole run was a mistake, a waste of ammo, a waste of energy. It had been his idea, and fate decided his punishment would be losing the only person he had left.

It should've been him. It should've fucking been him.

He wasn't sure how long he waited, much less what exactly he waited for. Perhaps the awful groaning of an Infected, or the familiar scent of a rotting corpse. But, it wasn't either of those that had him jumping to his feet.

"Techno...?" A raspy, muffled voice came from within the room. He knew Dream told him to wait at least an hour, just to be sure, but he was tired of sitting around doing nothing.

Techno opened the door just enough to peer inside. Dream still laid in the same position on the bed Techno had put him in, staring blankly at the ceiling. "Dream? Ya good, man?"

"Can you... can you get me some water?" He asked, sounding out of breath.

"Yeah, of course, man." Techno left to retrieve one of their canteens from the reserves they'd built up since, obviously, their most recent food run hadn't been successful.

When he returned, Dream had managed to pull himself up into a sit, leaning against the headboard. His skin was flushed and sweaty, eyes glazed over, and hair mussed. He took the offered container and, after a small thanks, promptly downed it all.

Techno sat at the edge of the bed, placing the canteen on the nightstand when Dream handed it back to him. "How ya feelin'?"

With a cringe, Dream croaked, "Like shit... but, not dead. Yet, anyway."

"Every person that we've seen so far, Dream, turned almost instantly."

"We can't be sure... What if it's just... really slow for me?"

"And what if you're immune? I'm tryna be optimistic here, man."

"Immune? You really did... watch too many movies..."

"I'm serious. Think about it, Dream. People who get bit turn in literal seconds. It's been almost an hour later and you're still you."

"Yeah, me with the worst fever I've ever had..."

"It's better that turnin', man. Anythin' is better than that." Techno slipped his hand in Dream's, rubbing soothingly over his knuckles.

Dream simply hummed in response, eyes slipping closed. "Hey, Tech?"

"Yeah?"

"What if we're the only ones left?" Dream reopened his eyes, seemingly more aware now as he looked to his companion.

"Don't talk like that, man. We're gonna find your family and they'll be okay."

"But what if they aren't? What if it's just you and me?"

Techno exhaled softly, contemplating how to phrase his response. "If that's true, then... honestly, Dream, there's no one else I'd rather spend the apocalypse with."

Dream gave a small smile and huffed a laugh. "I knew you were a sap..."

"Only because of you, nerd." He watched Dream's eyelids flutter again, clearly struggling to remain open. "You should get some rest, Dream."

"I know... Will you, could you stay? Just until I fall asleep..."

"Yeah, man. I'll be right here, long as ya need me to." Techno smiled and Dream reciprocated.

Even if Dream was immune, it still was too close a call. Techno couldn't let something like this happen again. He would never make the same mistake twice.

[died-but-not-dead-propaganda]

Michael Afton Propaganda

The main protagonist (at the very least for the first six games), turned into a rotting corpse because of remnant. The son of William Afton AKA the Purple Guy, they want to attempt to right their father's wrongs by truely killing William and setting the ghosts of Will's victims free.

So basically he started the franchise off by being his brother's bully, who bullied him to death. Not fun. But it's because of this that Mike's father decides to kill his business partner's daughter, which leads to him discovering this Remnant (metal that keeps things alive forever that's created by "heavy emotions"), making him kill even more kids and put them in metal animatronics to farm that sweet sweet Remnant. And so Mike follows his father to every restaurant location that he kills in as the night guard.

After his father accidentally kills himself by getting peer-pressured by some dead children, Mike decides to go to where his dead sister (NOT his fault, unlike his other sibling) is possessing one of the robots. Well she ends up tricking him into going into the "scooping room" where she and a bunch of other dead kids merged into one, scoop out his innards with a glorified ice cream scoop and become his new insides.

After the incident his little sister is like "uh sorry my dude here have some Remnant" and he's like "oh cool I'm not dead" except they're British so it's probably a bit different. Oh yeah btw, the main characters are British yet they live in Utah. Weird, but oh well. The robot spaghetti leaves his rotting ass to hide in the sewers because they already escaped the facility they were held in.

He goes and lives as a semi-dead corpse guy for a while until his father comes back, as his own possessed animatronic. So Mike follows him again and tries to burn his ass down. However, apparently his father had other plans and escapes. So because there is a bunch of dead people in robots just hididng out in the sewers, both Mike and the buissiness partner with the dead daughter team up to lure them into a new restaurant. Which gets burned down at the end. And everyone gets the ending they deserve. The end ;) (his father comes back but that doesn't matter lol). (Sorry for the rant this guy is what my 3 braincells focus on)

they scooped his organs 👍but it's fine he got better

Mans got his organs scooped out, worn like a sock by his equally dead sister, and then lived for forty~ years as a rotten corpse tryna fix his mistakes, dies in a fire, and possibly(?) comes back AGAIN as Glamrock Freddy (if we're talking Glammike) So he's died once, and maybe even died TWICE and come back.

I don't even like fnaf, but I just think this guy is neat :)  

[obraveyouth]

his people? link wasn’t even from the kingdom of hyrule and he was chosen by the gods to save it. besides, what did he have to do with the actions of others? if anything, link was right now trying to fix the choices and mistakes of others ( with not even so much as a say ): still this courageous one was not heartless, he sympathized with her plight but was unsure how he could even help in this situation? for starters, it was far too much to explain. too many words of destiny and prophecies of old being carried out in a more modern age. just where did one start? in all the wisdom relaid to him by the light spirits—this was never a thing of note. most people encountered him and either already assumed link a hero or assumed he was in the budding stage ready to bloom into one.

the women may be a warrior but he was too. however, as clumsy and misplaced as his words could be at times ( honestly a lot of the time ): link knew that many battles did not have to be fought with weapon in hand but also knew sometimes the toughest of wars could be seized with just a bit more understanding and a lot less bloodshed. even so, where did he begin? surely not at the beginning nor the middle and he hadn’t reached the end quite yet—so where?

as his thoughts raced he noticed the shift in the women, how her energy now dripped with anger, bitterness, and anger. link could also do what he did best and choose the third path. ❛    so ya want me ta start wif’ da twilight coverin’ hyrule or da whole wolf thang or the girl that’s laughin’ at me inside my shadow? ❜ because seriously, who would believe link—link didn’t even believe link and he was experiencing it, living it.

still, he had enough monsters to fight. he didn’t need to add a telma lookalike to the list, unless he really had too and link really did not want to have too. if link could fix just one thing he thought so wrong about hyrule is that it had far too many people who where quick to go for blood and not enough trust in one another, but, he supposed, a blind trust in others had also been the cause of many a war before too.

❛    tryna find da mirror of twilight but gotta deal wif’ da boss dat on’ want me ta. ❜ 

was that too much information at once? well good thought link because she had asked and he graciously delivered. all of this was confusing and required a touch he didn’t exactly have. he was good at fighting, all matters of flora and fauna—but not this. people where much too fickle for his taste, it was why he stayed silent in the vast majority of situations. much easier than this. but maybe he should start at the beginning, didn’t all great tales first hook the reader with a fascinating opening arc? at least that was how it was all in the stories he’d read until his very life became one. 

❛    got pulled inta da twilight, turnt into a wolf, met da girl ya jus’ seen—from dat otha realm—wen’ lookin’ fa som’ pieces of fused shadow—think dark magical masks—dey got taken, midna—da girl name—got really… sick cause she like allergic to light n’ wen’ ta see zelda den she touched her n’ faded away but now midna ain’t sick no mores n’ we lookin’ fo’ dis thang—mirror of twilight—ta get inta her realm so i can kick zant’s ass—he’s the one that put perpetual dusk over hyrule. ❜ 

the further into the topic link got the more his ordonion slang worsened and his sentences ran into one another, he could only hope he wouldn’t have to do that again, because he wouldn’t. infact, maybe he should’ve just stayed in his wolf form at least then link wouldn’t have to try to have someone make sense of the chaos that was being a hero chosen by the gods.

It all happened so quickly. The wolf's shadow lurched out from beneath him and transformed, solidified, before propping itself on its back. Like a rider on her (or she assumed her by the timbre of her voice and appearance) steed. The two seemed to carry on a silent conversation between them before the imp pressed something to the beast's head. In her surprise at the sudden shift, Nabooru unsheathed one of her blades again as the wolf itself transformed...

Into...into some kid in a green tunic.

Though she made no move to use it, her blade remained at the ready as the wolf-turned-Hylian readjusted to the new form. He introduced himself and offered her a deal: let him finish his unknown business there and then he would explain himself. Her grip on the blade tightened, and she stood her ground.

" That's not going to work for me, Link, " she intoned, gold eyes set ablaze by the torchlight in the room. " As I said, I'm not letting you through until you give me some answers. Your people have put this place through enough hardship, turning it into a prison and executing some of my people here. You either tell me what you want here or leave. "

[cloudenthusiast2]

To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 1

Synopsis: You knew committing to a relationship Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.

Next: Part 2

Type: mostly angst, this part is still light tho

Warnings: none... yet

Length: not as long as it seems. I'll try to write the next chapters as soon as possible

Scaramouche turned his back to the mountains he's been staring at to look at the path leading to Qingce village. The sun shone through the fog above the rice fields, colouring everything in golden light. Trees sighed as the gentle morning breeze caressed them while glaze lilies slowly started to close their blossoms.

The view was absolutely mesmerising but it didn't absorb the exoticly dressed, short man even for a minute.

'Finally' he snorted unpatiently as you appeared out of the fog, walking towards him with a big smile. 'What took you so long?'

'Good morning' you answered in a calm, low-key but still visibly cheerful manner.

He mumbled some words to himself but you didn't even try to understand what he was saying. It was probably for the better anyway.

You were both happy you could finally see each other but Scaramouche would obviously never express such feelings, not even towards you. You didn't care so much about that though since the time you spent with trying to bare with him finally paid off. You could confidently say now that you actually knew him and his difficult personality well.

Yes, the constant need to search for clues that could tell you about his hidden emotions was a little tiering but you could usually put up with it.

You haven't been able to see him in a really long time as well. You were living in a small village in Liuye while Scaramouche was always travelling around Teyvat and could only visit you between two jobs. He wasn't the type to write letters so sometimes even months passed without you hearing anything about him.

He came back to you yesterday agter five weeks, to spend a little time in Qingce, the village you lived in and protected with your biggest gift, a Hydro vision.

'Where do you want to go?'

'Doesn't matter.'

'We could go to the forest! It's really pretty in the morning. And later we could pick some chili. I promised Pops Kai that I would bring some to him.'

He didn't react. You knew he didn't like you - his words - 'being a slave of those people' so he just ignored the fact someone requested something from you again.

'How did your last job go?' You asked as you two were slowly walking below the rice fields, watching the sun come up from behind the mountains.

'Could have been worse' he answered curtly. 'Inazuma is a pain in the neck. And there were some... unfortunate events I do not wish to discuss. But at least now I'm back.'

He looked up to the village and his piercing blue eyes narrowed as he took a glance of the neat but definitely archaic looking houses.

'Even this hick town is better than thet hell hole.'

Your facial expression strained for a moment as you heard him insulting the village which happened to be your favourite place all in Teyvat. You calmed your expressions but couldn't help and sting back a little.

'I thought you liked Inazuma' you retorted in a dry tone. 'It's where you're from after all.'

Scaramouche's face immediately darkened and you instantly realised the big mistake you made.

You knew a little about his origins, just enough to understand why he never told about it to you. Regret appeared in you for mentioning his past. At least Scaramouche didn't scold you for it but the air between you two visibly got heavier.

You continued your walk in silence and you couldn't stop cursing yourself for saying such insensitive things. It took two minutes for you to start bickering - this number made you feel sad and stupid.

But then again - he didn't even realise how hard he insulted your village and even if he did, he probably wouldn't regret it by one bit.

You lifted your chin and looked straight into the distance. You could see the various fatui agents scattered around the village, all standing guard for the sixth harbinger next to you.

You didn't like him being a part of the fatui at all but there wasn't much you could do about it. You only hoped and prayed that he one day would leave them after getting enough of the Tsaritsa and her overwhelming, suffocating power. After all, he only joined them because they 'seemed fun' and so far they were more of an annoyance then an genuine source of amusement for him.

'Unless he likes all the bloody tasks they're handing to him' you thought to yourself and then couldn't help but feel a little sick in the stomach.

You loved the man walking next to you but not every part of his personality. Not that part which screamed evil.

You weren't blinded by love. You knew he was indeed cruel sometimes. The part affecting you, his rudeness, his hatred towards any type of affection didn't concern you, it was actually kind of amusing. You loved to tease him about it and when he had an actual soft moment... it was heaven itself.

But you couldn't help but feel worried for others. What was he actually doing behind your back? Did he ever... kill someone? He seemed to be enjoying ending monsters a little too much. And he was quite open about his feelings towards humans. He hated all of them... you were probably the only exception.

'Say, Scara' you decided to broke the silence. He glanced at you, his face and movements still stiff. 'If there was a job suiting you in Liyue...'

'Stop tryna make me quit the fatui' he cut into your words in a harsh tone. 'It's not going to happen.'

'That's not what I was trying to do. I just... want to see you more often. Even after months I can only get a day or two with you... and we're not even alone.'

'If it's the Tsaritsa's order then I will follow it.' You averted your eyes. Barely a sentence in and you were already dejected by his words. 'Even though... I'd like to see you more too.'

You quickly rose your chin just to catch a glance of him rolling his eyes before he quickly turned his head away.

A wide smile lit up your face and you couldn't help but instantly start to gently tease him.

'Oh my, am I mistaken or is the almighty Balladeer actually admitting his oh-so-ridicoulus wishes to a mortal? Scara, are you okay? Yore getting soft, be careful before you get so weak even a slime could defeat you!'

'Just shut up, okay?' He growled at you but you just happily laughed. He's back. 'I'm gonna take my words back if you only show disrespect at...'

'Sure, sure' you smirked. 'Just admit you have a crush on me, Weeky-mouche!'

'Your nicknames are absolutely ridiculous' he claimed, ignoring the rest of the sentence.

'Oh, so what do you want me to call you then?' The temptation was too strong, you couldn't help but wink at him which made him growl in disgust again. 'Sweetheart, perhaps? Or honey?'

'I swear, you're as annoying as that damn red scum' he snorted, referring to his colleague, Childe.

You wanted to continue teasing him but as you turned right on the path you were walking on, a small shilouette - even smaller than Scaramouche's - appeared in front of you.

'Oh, little Yu!' You gasped, recognising the little 4-years-old girl.

Her dark hair was sparkling from the light of the morning sun and it put a tiny fire into her golden eyes as well. She looked like a magical little creature in the mystical forest, surrounded by old trees and young flowers.

A precious smile lit her face up as she saw you and the little girl reached out with both of her hands.

'Miss Y/n!'

You picked her up in an instant. Your favourite thing in guarding Qingce village was the people that lived in it and Yu always had a special place in your heart.

'Are you picking flowers?' You asked her and gently brushed her hair out of her face. 'For who?'

'Mommy' explained the little girl. 'It's her birthday tomorrow!'

'You're a very kind little lady, Yu' you praised her with a gentle smile. Holding a tiny, adorable creature like her was amongst the best feelings you've experienced, next to being with your lover, Scaramouche.

You didn't realise it was mainly because you were completely touch-starved.

Yu nodded but she didn't look at you. You followed her glance and you realised she was staring at Scaramouche.

The man was standing three feet away from you, with crossed arms and a hostile look on his face.

'Who is he?' Little Yu asked from you, fixing her eyes on the unfriendly expression of Scara's.

'His name is Scaramou... Just call him Scara.'

The man and the girl stared at each other.

'You needn't be afraid of him. He doesn't bite' you said jokingly but the little child's face remained serious.

'Why isn't he smiling?' She asked quietly. Scara glared at her.

'He's a little hard to make smile but he's still a good person' you promised her.

'Are you sure?'

Her words were innocent but they hit you really hard. Your breath stopped for a second and the fake smile on your face faded away.

'Now listen here you little...'

'I am sure. Don't worry' you cut down Scaramouche, sending a warning look to him.

He stayed silent but he looked like he could explode at any moment.

Maybe the child was able to sense it, maybe not, but she tried to get out of your hug all of a sudden. You put her down carefully, not forgetting to caress her hair and rosy cheeks even though her words upset both of you.

'I'm gonna go pick more flowers.'

'Yes. Be careful in the forest.' You warned her. 'Call my name if you're in danger!'

She nodded and ran away on her bare feet, looking like a little fairy among the old trees.

Leaving you alone with Scaramouche.

[bellamer]

He Asked For Extra Pickles ! (Poly!Lost Boys x Male!OC)

(Rihan's food got messed up and now the poor fast food employee has to pay the price)

-

"Aw damn..." Rihan said, taking the bun off of his burger.

"What ?" David asked, looking at Rihan, unwrapping his own burger.

"They must have misheard. I asked for no onions and extra pickles, they gave me extra onions and no pickles." Rihan said with a sigh.

"That can't be right." David said, furrowing his eyebrows. "Dwayne, you have the receipt, what's it say ?"

"One burger, no mayonaise extra cheese, One burger, no cheese, add bacon, one chicken sandwich no lettuce, chicken tenders with honey mustard, 5 orders of fries, One burger, no onions, extra pickles." Dwayne read off the receipt that was printed on the bag. "So they did hear him right."

"Guys, it's no big deal, it was probably an accident, I'll just take off the onions." Rihan said, as he started to remove the onions, only to be grabbed by Paul.

"The fuck you are, you're not going to eat that." Paul said with a frown. "You hate onions, the flavor of the onions have probably all seeped into the patty and bun, you won't enjoy it."

"We're gonna go up there and fix this." Marko said, standing up from the bench. "No one fucks up our man's meal."

"You don't really have to do this, I'll be fine-" But before he could finish his sentence, his boyfriends were already standing up, receipt in Dwayne's had, his fucked up burger in Marko's, while Paul and David were the first to march up to the counter. Rihan stood up quickly to try and stop the boys but it was too late.

They were already at the counter, the 18 year old minimum wage employee shrinking a little when he saw them.

"C-Can I help you ?" The employee squeaked out, shuddering from the glares. Rihan quickly pushed his way in between Dwayne and Marko, but before he could say anything, Marko handed Paul the burger and Paul slammed it onto the counter.

"What the fuck is this, huh ?!?" Paul asked the employee. "My guy asked for no onion and extra pickle, your ass gave him extra onion and no pickle, the fuck are you tryna do, kill him ?"

"Paul, what the fuck are you-" Rihan started, but he was interrupted.

"He is DEATHLY allergic to onions, and you give him extra ?!?" Paul yelled.

Rihan's jaw went slack as Paul caused a scene. Paul knew damn well that he wasn't allergic to onions. Suddenly, a middle aged man but in from the back, hearing Paul's tirade.

"Excuse me gentlemen, do we have a problem ?" The man asked, obviously the manager.

"Well, you see, your establishment fucked up our man's food." David said, putting the receipt next to the burger after Dwayne handed it to him. "Since you could have killed our man here with your mistake, here's what you're gonna do." David leaned in real close. "You're gonna give my man his money back and remake his burger, fresh, for free, understand ?"

Rihan was so embarrassed that he thought that he was going to die right then and there. The manager only nodded in agreement, not wanting to get on David's or any of the boys' bad side, opening the register and giving David a dollar back.

"That wasn't so hard, was it ?" David asked, as he handed the dollar back to Rihan.

"You could have at least let them keep the dollar !" Rihan whined as they walked back to their seats, waiting for Rihan's order.

"No they cant keep your dollar because you didn't get what you paid for." David said, rolling his eyes.

"Did you have to tell them I was deathly allergic to onions ?" Rihan asked, glaring at Paul, making Paul laugh.

"That's how you get shit done babe, it keeps them on their toes so they don't fuck up again." Paul said, wrapping his arms around Rihan's shoulders.

"If any of you ever do that shit again, I'll kill you." Rihan mumbled, reaching into the bag and eating his limp, now cold, fries, but he didn't dare complain about it out loud, for fear that his stupid boyfriends would make a scene again and just hoped that the employee didn't spit in his food.

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[sarcastically-defensive17]

Yo! Wassup? I read far away today and boy is it awesome like you totally slay as sis .. btw when is part 2 coming ? Not tryna rush you or anything.. Take your time

Far too long - P. Parker (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here

ITS HERE AND I’M SUPER NERVOUS. I FEEL LIKE I RUSHED THE ENDING BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE IT WOULD BE A FLURRY OF PENT UP WORDS AND EMOTIONS. I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT AND IF ITS BAD THEN LMK AND ILL APOLOGISE SINCERELY BECAUSE I’M SCARED OF THIS HAHAHA

(gif is not mine)

TW: Mentions of blood, grief, injury, abandonment, fear, angst, childbirth. If any of these themes may trigger you then, please, do not read for your own good. Your wellbeing is far more important.

My inbox is always open.

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

It would be a lie to say that Peter hadn’t been in horrible situations before. However, with the development of his powers came the growth of thicker skin and stronger shoulders to bear the weight of his choices and others.

He fought, day after day, to withstand everything life threw at him. Heartache, mistakes, the one time he frosted the tips of his hair when he was 12 - Y/N knew that he would be alright.

He had to be alright. He had to be alive. She needed him. They needed him.

Y/N had watched him grow as a man, and watched him overcome everything. Then he was finally hers. She had everything she had ever wanted in him, and she was going to bring new life into the world with him by her side, until the missions came between them.

Now, she had been away from him for over 2 months and he was missing in action. Every news station was reporting that he was gone, but she refused to accept it. She knew Peter. She knew the strength he had. She knew that no matter what, he wanted to be a part of his baby’s life.

The minute she saw the broadcast her shaking fingers dialed Tony’s number and he was there to take her to the compound as soon as he could be.

Another three months passed.

Three agonizing months.

She gave birth in the medical bay of the compound, May by her side, welcoming her daughter into the world with a broken heart

Rosie May Parker was welcomed into the world, but the one person who was meant to be there wasn’t. She had her fathers eyes, his ferocious brown curls - but she didn’t have her father.

Y/N didnt have much knowledge of science outside of her computer mechanics degree, nor did she have any means to be a powerful superhero like the avengers, but she had fierce determination. Tony had ordered her to stay at the compound until they found peter - he was also determined that his faux-son would be okay.

Y/N harbored no intentions of leaving, more so, now that Rosie had joined her. May was there as well, watching Y/N fall in love with the small child over and over again, every day, helping where she could.

It was when they neared the day that her daughter would turn two months old, that it all happened.

Y/N had taken up residency in the lab. She was a computer science major at university, and she was able to pick up the workings of the technology Tony and Bruce utilized to keep track of mission data and surveillance measures for MIA operatives. She had spent nearly every day that she had been there inspecting every program, every website, keeping track on news outlets.

The world said that Peter was dead, but she refused to give up. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. Spider-Man wouldn’t submit.

If her eyes weren’t glued to a screen, they were on her daughter, both keeping her connection to peter alive. She monitored his Karen program for any inconsistencies, any sign that the program was online.

Karen had been offline for so long. The minute the building went down on Peter, the only thing letting Y/N and Tony know that he was alive was gone with it.

Rosie would sleep soundly in a bassinet set up next to her chair. There was a strain in Y/N’s head that hadn’t waned for weeks. Each day her head felt heavier, the harsh blue lights from the computers creating a constant reminder of her naive determination.

She was beginning to consider the possibility that he was gone, but something always made her thoughts shift in the other direction whenever the idea graced her cortex.

Her days had been filled with bouts of despondency, but the small babe that she cradled against her chest throughout the day brought light back into her life.

But still, nothing

Not until that day.

Rosie was sleeping in her crib I’m their room, recently fed, changed and cuddled - Friday monitoring the baby in all of the ways that the baby monitor she had with her couldn’t. The clock had just hit 2:38am and her eyes were heavy. She considered submitting to the crushing weight of her exhaustion, until Tony burst into the laboratory with Bruce and Natasha in tow, the woman suited up and heading towards the hallway leading to the quinjet hangar.

“Tony?” Y/N blinked, eyes darting to the baby monitor to determine if the commotion was linked to her daughter. Rosie hadn’t moved, her small chest rising and falling with each breath. “What’s wrong?”

Bruce had rushed over to the computer she was sat at, rebooting various programs that Y/N could barely recognize in her bleary state.

A vein in Tony’s forehead protruded - a clear sign that his stress levels were at a high. Bruce had been attempting to monitor his blood pressure as of late, knowing that his anxiety had been peaking with the disappearance of two of his team members.

Y/N had felt a overwhelming sense of duty to the man who had taken her in. She wanted to calm him, help ease his worries as he had done for her. He was as much family to her as he was to Peter.

His brown eyes were frantic, but there was something else hidden in the warm irises that seemed constantly framed by bloodshot sclera. Hope.

“Take off in 30, Nat.” Bruce spoke through an earpiece, connecting directly to the quinjet she assumed the Russian was boarding.

Y/N focused her gaze entirely on Tony, rising to her feet carefully and stepping towards him slowly, as one would a spooked animal.

The minute she was within arms reach, his hands were grasping her shoulders. There was no pressure under his hands, but there was comfort. “A few minutes ago, a transmission came through.” Y/N felt her eyes widen, mind racing with possibilities. The smile she received from the older man told her everything she needed to know before the words left his lips. “Pete came though. He’s with Barton, they’re safe. Romanoff’s on her way to pick them up.”

Y/N was in disbelief, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, “The building,” she breathed. “It came down on them-“

“The kid will explain when he gets here.” His hands moved to her cheeks. “He’s coming home, Y/N. For the most part, he’s alright. I got his vitals from the Karen program and he is stable, may need some work when he gets home, but he is okay, physically.”

Tears slipped from her eyes, running down Tony’s fingers but he paid it no mind. The smile that split his face was enough of a pardon.

It was another two hours until the familiar sound of the quinjet hangar opening graced her ears.

Bruce had ordered her to get some rest while they waited, but she opted to spend the time watching her daughter. Rosie had woken for a feed, but her big brown eyes stared up at her mother with a knowing look. Y/N could do little to push down the excitement of Peter’s return, but the overwhelming fear quickly resurfaced.

They left on horrible terms. They were no longer a couple, nor did she have the chance to take back the horrible things she said about his faithfulness to their family dynamic. But there was a lingering part of her mind that pushed her to think he would want nothing to do with them.

She left her room, placing a kiss to Rosie’s forehead and asking Friday to keep a watch of the baby, clipping the monitor to her waistband and rushing for the laboratory.

She arrived in time to see the compound medical staff trailing alongside a stretcher, Barton sprawled on it with a smirk on his face and an IV cannula in his arm.

Moments later she saw him.

He looked as much a mess as he felt, he knew so. Soot and dirt coating his skin and his suit, his leg aggravated and aching from an incorrectly set break. He hadn’t expected to see her face, but when he did, it felt as if a building was falling down on him once again.

She caught his eyes darting down to her stomach then back to her face. She smiled at him softly with a nod, hoping he could grasp her meaning across the meters between them.

She hadn’t the chance to say a word to him, nor he to her. Bruce led him to the medbay, offering support where he could for the pain in Peter’s leg, and Tony went to Y/N, cradling her as the pent up grief escaped through her eyes. She wanted to follow after him, so badly.

Tony held her against his chest, sharing the grief that had been building over the months. They were beginning to think they had lost Peter, but to see him alive and standing in front of them - it was overwhelming for both.

“I, uhm,” Tony cleared his throat, his voice wet from tears. “I’m gonna go help Bruce out. I’ll send for you when he’s all fixed up. I promise.”

With a nod of her head, Y/N let him go.

Minutes after, Friday alerted her that Rosie was awake and she took her leave to sit with her baby.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she cradled the babe to herself. She had decided that even if Peter didn’t want to see her, she would at least hand Rosie over to Tony to introduce father and daughter. Despite her previous words, she just knew that Peter would be entirely smitten with the small human, just as much as she was.

As such, it came as a surprise when Friday chimed through her P.A. System requesting her presence at the medbay.

Her feet shuffled to stop at the door for the room they were in before she knew it, and Tony had opened the door to allow her entrance. He and Bruce took their leave, allowing the former lovers to have the space to themselves.

Peter felt the air drain from his lungs and he looked at her. He had sat up on the bed, leg bandaged and healing at an accelerated rate now that it had been set correctly. He was bruised and battered but he still smiled wider than he had in so long when he saw her and the small bundle she cradled.

She was the first to speak, “You’re alive.” Her voice was choked. The past months had been hard on him, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she felt thinking he was dead. Especially when they left things so horribly.

“The building... it wasn’t meant to go down like that,” he sighed, his smile shrinking. “I took most of the brunt because I can handle more than Clint. But we managed to get out and get our target... eventually.”

His eyes were darting to the bundle in her arms, but he didn’t dare to say anything about he baby. At this point, he didn’t even know his baby’s name.

Y/N noticed his gaze, and the unspoken question that his eyes held. Without warning, she took a seat next to him on the bed, unwrapping Rosie and placing her in Peter’s arms. She silently adjusted his hands to ease his fear and discomfort in holding an infant, and she could see the emotion forming in his chocolate orbs.

“Her name is Rosie.” Y/N whispered, eyes stuck on her daughter. “Rosie May Parker.”

“You named her after ‘Love, Rosie’,” he smiled, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. He had a daughter, and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“It’s my favourite book. Two best friends who fell apart, only to come together and repeat it until they could finally be together.” Her fingers fiddled in her lap, picking at her cuticles. Her body was alight with nerves, her toes electric within her boots. “And I had to name her after May. She’s the only mother I have.”

“Rosie,” he tried the name on his tongue, noticing the way the baby scrunched her nose in her sleep. Her mother did the same thing.

Y/N sighed deeply, breathing out through her nose as she held back tears. “Peter, I’m so -“

“You have nothing to apologise for, Y/N.” He ran his finger over Rosie’s cheek. So soft, scared to stir her from her sleep. “Everything that happened, happened because of me.”

“Peter-“

“My list of discretions are unending. What kind of fiancé was I?” He let a soft chuckle fall from his lips, a humorless one, soaked from the sob he refused to let rip from his chest. “What kind of father was I? Who did I think I was, to keep you waiting on me, day after day. Every important event, I missed.”

“I never meant to say those things to you, Pete. To accuse you of not loving me, not wanting to be a father... it was uncalled for. But,” she sniffed, turning her head upwards to gaze at the ceiling. “I felt so alone. And then, you left, and I was alone.”

After what felt like eternity, his eyes met her face. Her skin was blotchy from tears, eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed. She was the most beautiful thing he had seen, apart from the angel in his arms. He felt almost complete, with the two girls by his side. His heart hurt a little less.

“I know. I’m probably the biggest jackass on the face of the planet, and I know that I can most likely do nothing to change that. It’s far too late for me to even begin to say the things I have wanted to say, but I can’t stand the thought of another day without telling you what’s been on my mind since the minute I left.” His body shuddered with a heavy breath, his lips kissing the small fist that rose towards his mouth as Rosie stretched in her sleep. “I have loved you for as long as I can remember. Every second I was away, I wanted nothing more than to run home and apologize for every disgusting thing I had said to you, to put my hands on your belly and promise our baby that I would never leave either of you.

“Then the building went down. I helped Clint get out, but I was stuck there for a few days. Some of our operatives were working as hard as they could to find a way to clear the debris so I could go, but it took a while. The entire time, I had convinced myself that I would never be able to see you again. It was like, like, I knew, that I couldn’t breathe until I saw you again.”

Her hand moved slowly, resting against his cheek to thumb away a tear that trailed his smooth skin.

“I didn’t know how many months had passed while I was gone, but when I got out from under the building, I realized that you were all alone to have our baby.” The sob finally broke through his chest. “I left you all alone. The small little baby that would see the world for the first time without their father.” He rubbed the side of his face onto his shoulder to not drop tears onto Rosie. “I’m a horrible father. I was so horrible to you.”

His breaths were staggered, and Y/N took the baby from his arms holding her against her own chest as she pressed her body to his side. Her free hand turned his face toward her own, but he kept his eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing rhythmically.

“I love you so much, Y/N, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise you,” he caught the way her hand tightened on his arm as he spoke. She was terrified of losing him again. “I would do anything, anything at all, to have you forgive me, but if you can’t then I understand. Just don’t make me leave your life, please.”

She felt her breath hitch, “I said horrible things to you. I told you to never come back, but I can’t stand another day without you. I need you here, with us. We need you Peter, like I told you all those months ago.” She felt his lips kiss the palm of her hand, the same one she used to brush away his tears. “I love you so much, and I don’t want you to leave. Ever.”

He pressed his forehead against hers, his lips pouting from the strength it took to resist pressing his mouth on hers. He didn’t know if she would welcome the contact. He had done her wrong.

“I’m not leaving you anymore, baby. I’m not leaving either of you, ever again.”

Y/N knew that Peter would be alright. His resilience was unmatched, his love ferocious. Y/N had began to think she would never see him again, but the image of him perched in front of her, eyes locked on the child that looked so much like him was one that she would never forget.

The tears falling were no longer out of fear, or sadness, or anger. Her tears fell out of love and happiness. She had the final piece of her family back, and she would do everything she could to see the two people in front of her smile.

“I’ve been far away, for far too long, baby. I’m never leaving you again. I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and Rosie. I’ll make you Mrs. Parker and buy a house in the suburbs and do everything boring house husbands do,” Y/N snickered, forehead still against his. Peter was rambling, but she knew she would never force him to give up what he loves, so long as he came home to his two girls at the end of the day. “I will love you, both, until the day I die and beyond that.”

She leaned her head forward slowly, allowing him to reject her intentions, but when he didn’t, she poured her emotions from the last half year into the kiss. The love, the fear, the anger, the uncertainty.

When they broke apart, one thing was on her lips, “I love you, Peter Parker.”

Tag List: @starshonerose @snookiebrookie @mantlereid @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @another-lonely-heart

@uwucorpse @timeless-crow @eridanuswave @prettysbliss @amydancypants @allycat449-blog

[avidreider]

Journals Part 3 ~ all bad (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Journals Series 

Based on the song, “All Bad” by Justin Bieber.

CW: more angst (sorry, it will get happy eventually).

This whole fic is from 3rd person or Spencer’s POV. 

Key: Y/N = your name, italicized = unspoken thoughts, bold = texts/emails/notes, bold + italicized = song lyrics.

-- I do not own rights to the gif or the song. -- 

How many times did Spencer have to call Y/N before he finally wore her down enough for her to at least answer? He didn’t know why he was even trying; it was incredibly likely that she had blocked his number again. 

“You alright kid?” Derek asked, when Spencer was silent for the first hour and a half at work. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.” 

“Kid, we all know that this attitude is from more than fatigue. You can’t shut us out forever.” 

“Drop it, Morgan.” 

And with a quick pat on the shoulder, Derek left Spencer alone at his desk. 

Hey Reid. Can you come to my Batcave for a minute? I’ll make it worth your while. ;)

With a sigh, Spencer hoisted himself out of his chair and headed toward Garcia’s lair. 

“Did you need something, Garcia?” Spencer asked. 

“Well first of all, I made some really good cookies and I wanted you to have first dibs,” she handed him the plate with a smile. “And secondly, I wanted to let you know that Y/N did not block your number. So that tells me that she isn’t over you, she’s just hurt. She may just need a little more time and -” 

“Garcia, I didn’t ask you to do this. She caught me with a woman she was worried about. There’s no way that -”

“She caught you with another woman?!” she exclaimed as she planted a loud smack on Spencer’s chest. 

“Okay first of all, OW. Second of all, we were just having coffee, but Y/N freaked out before I could explain.” 

“What’s this woman’s name?”

“Lila Everett, I’m quite sure you don’t know her-”

“Okay Boy Wonder, get out.”

“Why?”

“Just get out, I’ll text you if I have anymore updates,” and with that, Spencer went back to the stack of paperwork waiting for him at his desk. 

--- MEANWHILE ---  

Garcia tapped and clicked and called away in order to find out everything she could about Lila Everett; every job, transaction, relationship, and mistake, and compiled a list for Reid. She sent it to his email with small little markers wherever she wanted to leave a note. 

One section of the document really struck Reid. He was a profiler, but even Lila had him fooled. 

Alan Wright

Josh Stern 

Matt Blevins 

Evan Hart 

> All of these men that she’s dated claimed that she cheated on them. Y/N would never cheat on you. She also stole money from them early on in their relationships, but they let it go due to her charm. 

Spencer stood up to go talk to Penelope. “Stop sending me dirt on Lila. I don’t like her. I probably won’t ever see her again, okay?”

“Good, she’s not for you Reid.” 

“I know,” he replied, just as his phone buzzed flashing a notification indicating that Y/N had finally texted him. 

Spencer. Please stop talking about me to Penelope. I understand that you messed up and that you want to talk, but I am not in the mood to talk to you just yet. You broke me. You got bored with me, so you turned to some woman you barely knew. You neglected me and our relationship and I just don’t see how you can fix that at this point. 

I know, Y/N. I’m so sorry. 

Sorry still doesn’t change anything, Spencer. Lila got ahold of me, and told me what you said to her. 

What are you talking about?

You told her how much she meant to you, how beautiful and gorgeous she was, how you could see yourself falling for her, how she was better than me, etc. 

What? I never said any of that to Lila. 

Spencer dialed Y/N’s number as quickly as he could. 

“Hello?” 

“What are you talking about? I never told Lila any of that. Lila and I were just friends, but we aren’t even that anymore.” Spencer said, confused. 

“Do not play with me, Spencer. She said that you two are going to dinner tonight, and that she thinks that she may be pregnant with your child,” Y/N said, with tears in her voice. 

Spencer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had never even met with Lila outside of school hours besides the one coffee they grabbed together. “Y/N, she’s lying to you. I’ve never even spent time with her. How could you think so little of me?”

“She told me everything, Spencer! You don’t have to lie to me anymore,” Y/N said, before hanging up. 

It's another, if it ain't one thing. Instigators, like pouring fire on propane. The wrong thing, they be worried about. Oh, you know females -  And how they like to run their mouths. 

Wanna be, just like, talk like, you - Misery, misery, loves company. Don't let them change your mood.

They try to get at me  Behind your back,  Tryna tell me that I'm just like the others, But I ain't all bad.

I might make you mad, so mad.

My bad, no, I ain't all bad.

Several days passed, and Spencer hasn’t been sleeping or eating well. 

He was almost dozing on a Sunday afternoon when there was a knock at the door. 

He looked like a wreck, but he didn’t care. He flung the door open to see Y/N’s tear-stained face. 

“Y/N?! Come in, please! Are you okay?” He asked, as he enveloped her in a tight hug. 

“I just didn’t know if you still wanted to talk,” she responded. 

“Yes, yes of course! I’ll put on some coffee.” 

Spencer rushed around his apartment trying to calm his nerves and clean up at the same time. 

Once the pair were settled in with their coffee, Y/N began to speak. “So, Lila and I have been talking, and it turns out we have a lot in common,” she began with a smile, “and whoever you decide that you want to be with, the other would like to remain friends with you. We both love you.” 

Spencer was still confused as to why he was ever a topic of conversation for Lila when he hadn’t spoken to her since they met at the coffeehouse. 

“Y/N, I don’t know what she’s been telling you, but there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Lila. I don’t know how to prove it to you, but I’ll do whatever it takes. You are the one that I love, and I am so sorry that I took you for granted. That will never happen again. I’ll have Garcia hack into our phones and prove that we haven’t been talking, if that will convince you.” 

“I think she needs to hear that, Spencer, because she thinks that you two are an item.” 

“Then baby, she’s delusional,” Spencer said with a grin. 

“Shall we tell her the news today, then?” 

“Anything for you, Y/N.” 

“Okay, I’ll have her meet us at the same coffeehouse from the other day.” 

The ride there was quiet, but content. Lila was already there waiting, and she greeted the pair with a smile. Y/N slid into the opposite side of the booth, and Spencer joined her. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw how disappointed Lila looked by that fact. 

“So...” Lila began. 

“I’m not sure why you told Y/N that you and I were anything more that friends, or that we had ever had sexual intercourse when he haven’t be physically intimate in any capacity whatsoever. I also don’t know why you made a big deal to befriend Y/N in the first place, but our relationships with you - friends or otherwise - will be ending here. Y/N is the love of my life, and you are just a troublemaker,” Spencer stated with the utmost confidence. With all that being said, Lila began to cry. 

“Spencer,” Y/N reprimanded, “that was very rude. We can still be friends with her. You just won’t be pursuing a romantic relationship with her.” 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve that,” Lila cried, “but I’m sorry, Spencer. See, Y/N, I told you that Spencer was just manipulating us both!” 

Spencer nearly lost it. How dare he contaminate the mind of his one true love?! 

“Me?!” Spencer spat, “you are the only one being manipulative here! Come on, Y/N.” 

“Spencer... we can’t just leave her.” 

“Baby, your heart is so big, and that’s one of the many reasons why I love you. But she is trying to ruin our relationship! You have to be blind to not see that!” Spencer exclaimed. 

“I may not be a profiler, but that doesn’t mean that I’m stupid, Spencer.”

“I know you’re not stupid, baby, but please. Can’t we just go home? I missed you so much.” 

Reluctantly, Y/N agreed, but not without leaning across the table to Lila to whisper, “text me later, okay?”

“I will,” she responded, still sobbing. When Y/N turned to leave though, it was clear the sobs were fake. Spencer turned to look at her, and Lila had the most evil grin on her face. Spencer clenched his jaw, and pushed Y/N out the door. 

Between us, they wanna comment. Your worst enemy some time be your best friend - Perfect, ain't saying that I am... Proven, least I'm proving that I give a damn.

Wanna be, everything I ought to be to you,  Envy, envy, same thing as jealousy - Jealous of you, That's what they do.

They try to get at me Behind your back,  Tryin' to tell me that I'm just like the others But I ain't all bad.

No, no, I ain't all bad...

[calypsoff]

Ninety One. Part 2

Rylee is really giving the most snuggles, my whole heart is filled with so much love. She hasn’t moved her head back at all, I feel choked up. Lightly touching her bare back, she just wants some love, and I don’t blame her. My daughter is just growing up right before my eyes and those weeks I missed I feel like I have missed a lot, like with my daughter just making these little noises now, this is her communicating with us. Her strength to hold her own; I missed these precious moments and that’s on me, I am glad I haven’t missed her crawling because that is something major to miss. Rylee lifted her head up, her hair is everywhere like all over “boo” I said, Rylee’ smile grew and then looked away from me at the window, she is just so happy. To see my child happy makes me happy and I am honestly emotional about this, all I want is my daughter to be ok. I made a big mistake in life, I made the mistake of being away from her and missing it, I stressed her out, Robyn out too with no help. I could have at least took Rylee for a few days, staring at the side of her face. She is just staring outside “you can’t wait to see outside huh? Is it interesting” she turned her head to me and then attacked me again, resting her head on my shoulder “aww” twirling around with her in my arms “I love you so much” her giggles just went straight to my heart, imagine if I couldn’t have hear that again. Her giggle “I love you so much” I said in a whisper again “she is so happy isn’t she, I can’t wait for her to be able to go home. Just so she can be in her own bed too, just be a family again” nodding my head “I can’t wait for that also, it’s been a while since. Also the bedroom is clean” Robyn’ smile grew “oh yeah?” Nodding my head “mhmmm, you can sleep on the couch” I scoffed “I am pleased to hear” she walked off, Mel is just looking laughing “you’re just trying so hard” Mel can see it “exactly, I am trying” I laughed, I will get there with Robyn “baby number 2 might be on the way with you two” Robyn scoffed “no way, I am not having no more babies, not with him anyways. Have you seen the size of the babies I have with that” she pointed at me “Rylee baby she doesn’t mean it at all, she’s trying to get some attention” Robyn just wants me to bite, I ain’t taking the bait.

I just went out for a cigarette, with Mel of course she is here with me but she’s going now so I am waiting for the Uber for her “I wanted to say, can you like do the house all nice for me. Like a welcome home thing for Robyn and Rylee, mostly Rylee but I want it to be like a little get together for them both, welcome them both back and also that Rylee is ok, the main thing was that my daughter got out of this but if you can? Please” Mel cooed out “I will, I will get people together. I will be more than happy to do this, to see how much of a shit time my sister has had I would love to do that for her, I mean no offence” nodding my head laughing “none taken, I know I am to blame with most of it but thank you. I really need to make Robyn like me again, you know?” Mel shook her head, the Uber pulled up in front of us “like you? She loves you; she is teasing you so much, she just wants you to keep biting and just give her that attention, trust me. She loves you, just don’t do it again. It’s not worth it Chris, what you have with my sister you are so lucky, you both are. The love is so pure, and I just want you to use your brain, nobody out there is happy for you, I promise you this Chris, they aren’t, they rather you fuck up. A lot of men wanted the woman you have, remember that, just be good” Mel pulled me into a hug “have a nice night, I hope to see my niece at home” nodding my head smiling “I hope so too, I want that” I like Mel, I always have because she rides for Robyn a lot, that’s real ass loyalty and I want that myself.

Rylee is getting too used Robyn singing to her to sleep, every night Robyn is doing it but I don’t think she minds “I wanted to ask” my head propped up laid out on the bed “what song would you sing to me, if you was singing me to sleep?” I have to ask “I like the short shorts” I pointed, Robyn let out an oh and untucked the tee, but she knew she had it tucked “mhmm, what song would I sing to you” she said to herself, watching her pass by the bed. She got me hooked “But baby, don't get it twisted. You were just another nigga on the hit list, tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch” she sang with the biggest smile on her face “uhhh?” I said confused “didn't they tell you that I was a savage” she sat on the bed to lay down “fuck your white horse and a carriage” she turned to me, propping her head up also facing me “nice?” She smirked “new song” I questioned, she shrugged looking around my face and then down to my neck “I guess” she hooked her finger onto my chain around my neck “you took this?” Nodding my head “I can tell it’s mine, it looks sex around your neck” she let the chain go and the dragged her nail up my neck, oh my god I want her so bad, licking my lips bringing my head close to hers. I was going to kiss her but instead I nuzzled my nose against her forehead “I want you so bad” I admitted, I do “I can tell” I just obey her rules, moving away from her and off the bed “I’m going to pee” we are at the hospital still, so I need to be good.

Fixing my dick in my sweatpants as I made my way back to the bed “was it good?” Robyn asked, pulling a face laughing “what was good?” I don’t know what she is on about “show me your dick?” I froze midway of grabbing my pillow, is she crazy “be quiet” throwing my pillow at her head “ass” she moved it back “you just jerked off, I can tell; you’re flustered. All time low you know, jerking off in hospital” sitting on the bed laughing “you’re nasty” fixing the pillow behind me before laying down “anyways, you know I have been quiet with social media and everyone” Robyn moved closer to me, her shoulder just on mine, her head merely touching mine “so I took this picture when Rylee and you was looking out of the window, and I wrote. This” Robyn didn’t even let me finish looking at the picture “Hardest part of my life was to see my child in pain, to see her smiling and showing so much love has warmed my heart. I am happy to have my family back together, thank you for all the love and concern” Robyn read out, I cooed out “can I see the picture please” Robyn’ head is all against mine “here” looking at the picture, it’s Rylee and me. She is looking out of the window, looks like Robyn is taking picture from behind now “I like it” I really do “thank you, I am happy she is back with us Chris, my whole heart” nodding my head “same, tomorrow will bring us more joy” she knows it, I can’t wait for us to go home.

Rylee is very happy this morning, I think in my heart she can go home so we are just waiting for the doctor to say yes she can go. All I want is for my daughter to be home with us, it’s time for us to rebuild us and to rebuild our little family home but it won’t be anything without my daughter “she has a personality on her” Myriam stepped back from Rylee, licking my top lip smiling “yeah, she gets it from me” Robyn said, looking at side of me at the blatant lies “she is so sweet, but on that note I am happy to discharge her. Slight chestiness but it’s not disrupting Rylee from breathing at all, she will be ok so yes she can go home” Robyn and I gasped “yes!” I spat, it was like it was nothing as Robyn and I hugged each other “so yes it’s good news, I think I will do a follow up a week later but she is ok to go home and make all the noises she wants at home” I am so happy “this is the best news, it really is” I think the excitement got the better of us, moving back from the hug laughing “thank you” shaking Myriam hand “no problem, she is precious and as I said before. This is not just Rylee, don’t ever feel like it was your fault, parents can only do their best. I say this to all my patients, good luck with her” Rylee wants to grab everything “thank you” I said to the nurse with her “pookie! You’re going home” picking her up.

It’s wild that anyone would want to wait outside a hospital for a child, like it’s weird to me “I find it so weird to be out of the hospital” Robyn said in the backseat “I have been living and breathing, eating, sleeping in there so it’s weird” I can imagine, putting my window down “the SUV will drive out first, then you. I will meet you out there, I will then get in your car. The SUV behind will then pick up the rest of the bodyguard and then we are good to go” Rich said, rubbing the side of my face “cool, is it bad out there?” seems it, Rich gave me a look of annoyance “how did anyone know about Rylee leaving, I don’t get it” putting my window up “the nurses, I just know it. It will be one of them, sold it for a couple of bucks but they will need it when I am done” my hands gripping the steering wheel, the barrier went up, I mean it’s private entry but it’s out there. The SUV ahead of me drove off first and then I of course drive off “be careful Robyn said” I mean I will be as careful as I can with this, the SUV abruptly stopped and then honking went off, seeing the gang of paparazzi rush over. Bodyguards just moving them away “drive! Go” Rich said to the SUV ahead of me, but I think the SUV ahead has people there blocking “fuck” I said under my breath, we are just stuck here “thank god” I revved my engine, they are all on my car “move!” I spat waving my hand, shit is annoying. Rich finally cleared people so I drove off and then stopped, watching the rear-view mirror to check for Rich and he caught up and got in so I can drive off “fucking hell” I said shaking my head “they want those first picture, worth a lot, that was a lot” shaking my head.

Parking my car outside the home with the biggest smile on my face, I am arriving home with my family. Robyn is home, this is what I want in life, and I am not ever going to do that again. If Robyn says shit is not good then shit is not good and that is how we are moving from now on, I don’t care anymore “home sweet home rabbit” looking up in the rear view mirror, Robyn smiled lightly and I caught that, but she didn’t look up, she just smiled to herself “you hear that Rylee, you are home now” unbuckling the belt and getting out of the car “how bad was it in front?” I asked Rich, it seemed pretty bad “awful, they were hovering and asking where is Rihanna, how is her daughter. They all wanted the first picture of her, I was like not on my watch. I am just so happy that little princess is well, that is what we wanted. Y’all get some rest though, need it. Family time and stuff” opening my car door laughing “I will, promise. Take care” dapping him as I got out, I just want to have a peaceful life now, well I mean not too much peaceful, but I want my family and that is it, that is all I want, and I am so happy to have her back home.

Walking behind Robyn to the home “welcome the fuck home” Mel would be the first one to open the door and say that “you moved back here?” Robyn said “and you ain’t tell me” Robyn looked to me, I shrugged laughing “awww it is so good to see Rylee home, hey baby” walking into the house and stepping to the side of Robyn smiling at Rylee, Robyn held the pacifier to Rylee’ mouth, she is really just staring all wide eyed, it’s been a while since she has been home so it’s new to her “come, I need to show you girls something” Robyn looked at me “oh my god, my staircase. I love it, all clean huh” she grinned at me, I can’t believe she even noticed such a small detail about the stairs. Robyn walked off “I feel such a mess, I can’t wait to have a bath in my own home. I cannot wait for that” I will be watching her having a bath anyways, I will be doing that “oh my god!” Robyn spat in shock “welcome home!!” hearing everyone shout but Rylee didn’t like it at all, she ended up crying her eyes out, the room all cooed out.

Mel really outdid herself; I am super proud of her of what she did for me when she didn’t need to go all out, she got a party going on too. And the food, she got Debbie here feeding my stomach just right, I am happy about the food, but I am happy for the vibe anyways “I can always rely on you to keep me company” Debbie said smiling at me, I sniggered licking my fingers “I can’t help it, you make the best food” feeling a hand on my shoulder, turning around midway licking my fingers “oh, you good?” I asked “yeah, I just want to say thank you. Mel said that this is your idea, that this whole set up was you. You wanted to welcome us home, thank you” I grinned as we hugged “it’s ok, I am just happy to have you back home, I want my family back Robyn that is all” Robyn placed her hand on the back of my head “I know, trust I do. I just want my family back too, it ain’t going to stop me teasing you though” I chuckled, feeling Robyn’ nails just slowly raking the back of my head, I closed my eyes because that feels good, “but” she stopped “thank you” moving back from the hug “it’s ok, where is Rylee?” looking around “oh my mother, she is keeping her close in case someone looks at her wrong” I laughed shaking my head “why do the grandparents look like they are guarding her, that’s funny” Rylee is very lucky though.

[willddheartt]

High | Randall Carpio

Summary: The one where you're trying to forget Randall after breaking up.

Inspired by: Stay High - Tove lo

Warnings: Angst, sad, idk 

Word count: 1729

Masterlist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub, then I go to sex clubs Watchin' freaky people gettin' it on It doesn't make me nervous if anything, I'm restless Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

Since you left him there hasn’t been one day where you haven’t regretted it. Of course, you were still living in the university’s dorms which made things even harder. No matter what you did it seemed like wherever you went there he was, in our form or another. 

There hasn’t been one day in two months where you’d been 100% sober, it was the only way you could stop thinking about him and what you did. You knew it was a problem, but you didn’t care. It didn’t matter to you that out of all the combination of drugs you consumed at any party you could find could one day be deadly, it didn’t bother you because nothing seemed to matter anymore.

I get home, I got the munchies, binge on all my Twinkies Throw up in the tub, then I go to sleep And I drank up all my money, dazed and kinda lonely

It was a loop every night. Once you’ve run out of things to distract you through the day, start pregame drinking as you’re getting ready to go out to the clubs for the night, and lose yourself in the bodies. The odd time you’d come home with a meaningless fling, but mostly you came home alone, and once you’ve run out of things to keep you numb, fall asleep.  It felt like everything was just something to take the pain away and then give you some once it was gone, a never-ending cycle. The only constant thing was the endless pain and void you felt in your heart. It was your fault, you knew that but you made a mistake, one you cant now take back and fix.

You're gone and I gotta stay high All the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

“Alyssa, please just use that weird dust shit on me, make me forget,” You begged for the millionth time. Her answer was always the same, “No.” “Why not?” You sighed, but you knew, she’d told you every time you asked  “Because the pain and hurting will still be there, you just won’t remember the source of it.”  “Maybe that’s better," You huffed, leaning back into the couch.  “Who hurt you this bad anyway?” Alyssa asked  “Who did I hurt is the proper question,” You replied shaking your head as you brought the beer bottle up to your lips.  “Who did you hurt?” The blonde asked. She asked you every time you begged her you flick some of that magic dust on you to make you forget, but you haven’t yet told her because to you if you say it out loud and tell another person it makes it too real. “Someone who didn’t deserve me,” You replied 

Finally, the alcohol from the frat party started kicking in, and you were granted the false sense that everything was alright and nothing was going to hurt in the morning. 

High, all the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you, babe I fall back down  Gotta stay high, all my life, to forget I'm missin' you Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You’d been through this loop multiple times. Feel like you’re on top of the world with some disposable guy at a party, come home, have the effects of the alcohol wear off feel everything too much, pass out. 

That’s how this was supposed to go, but tonight was different. After running into Alyssa as she was passing through the frat party, she refused to let you’re out of her sight. Even now, after she had walked you back to your dorm, she was by your side when you broke down crying and everything came pouring out.  “I fucked up big time, Alyssa.” You cried, “And I’ll never be able to fix it or make it right.”  “No, you didn’t” She was quick to comfort you, pulling you into a tight hug, “Whatever it was I’m sure there’s a way you can fix it, by regular means or magical,”  “You don’t understand,” You shook your head, “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for how I hurt Randall,” 

Alyssa froze the grip that was pulling you towards her loosened and she finally understood. You and Randall never told anyone you were together, you liked thinking your relationship was just something for you and him, enjoying the secret of it all. Nobody noticed when you were together but it became very clear that something happened after the split. 

“He probably hates me now,” You mumbled, pulling out of her hug and leaning your elbows on your knees. “I know I would,” You scoffed “He could never hate you, you know Randall,” Alyssa said, you shook your head, “Why don’t you try talking to him,” The girl suggested She knew first hand he didn’t have one negative feeling towards you. Sure Randall was going through the normal shit one would after an unexpected breakup, but he could never hate you no matter what you did. The thing he wanted the most was an explanation, why you left and did he do anything to hurt you. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt or make you uncomfortable. 

Admittedly, some nights were better than others. You could have all the fun you wanted and not think about the brunette at all. Yet others were the worst where no matter what you did or what substances you consumed, Randall was still the only person on your mind. Tonight was bordering on one of the bad ones. 

Pick up daddies at the playground, how I spend my day time Loosen up their frown, make 'em feel alive I make it fast and greasy, I'm numb and way too easy

Another night, another party, another temporary escape.  Tonight you were at the party specifically to find a fling. You thought that since drugs and alcohol weren’t doing much anymore, something more could help.  At least that was until you saw his face through the crowd. You wondered if he’d spotted you, but from how he didn’t look away, or even pretend to not be staring, you answered your own question. 

Finding a getaway in the bathroom you sighed, leaning up against the door. Tonight was supposed to be the night you finally let him go and made yourself move on, but there he was like you weren’t supposed to forget. 

Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end Oh, can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain Oh, staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end Oh, can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain

Going about the rest of the night, dancing with a multitude of strangers yet there was still only one person occupying your thoughts. With each drink, he only became more and more prominent. The nagging inside you to go find the sweet brunette wouldn’t stop and only got louder with each new stranger.  You were getting a new drink from the kitchen, and if the timing was perfect, there he was. 

“Y/n,” Randall said while the two of you were frozen in the sight of the other.  You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You knew you owed him an apology, an explanation but in the moment neither of those seemed to come to you. “Randall,” You whispered, eyes immediately tearing up. Before any tears could start streaming down your cheeks, the taller boy pulled you into a tight hug, it took all you had to not completely lose it in his arms. Every ounce of concentration you had gone to trying to make the growing ball in your throat go away.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered, causing him to pull away.  “You don’t have to apologize,” Randall shook his head, “Then what can I do?”  “Come back,” He looked at you with glassy eyes, tears brimming them. 

Without putting another thought into it, as you blinked your tears away once more, you crashed your lips onto his. Your tears mixed in with the kiss but neither of you could notice, with your hands in his hair and his on your hips you pulled one another as close as you could. Pulling away you leaned your forehead against his and closed your eyes, feeling at home in his embrace. He kissed the tip of your nose, making your eyes open again. 

“What do you say we get out of here?” Randall whispered with his smirk that you haven’t seen in so long, you nodded letting him lead you out of the crowded house, you’d let him lead you anywhere without a second thought. 

You're gone and I gotta stay high All the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh High, all the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you, babe I fall back down  Gotta stay high, all my life, to forget I'm missin' you Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You stumbled in your dorm with Randall on your heels, kicking the door shut behind him. The moment the door slammed shut his lips were on yours, you were all over each other, barely even pulling away to breathe. Pulling away just long enough for the both of you to pull your shirts over your head and throw them somewhere in the room.  Your knees hit the edge of your bed, sending you falling backwards onto the soft mattress, pulling Randall with you. He hovered over you as your hand came up to cup his cheek, your thumb brushed over his cheekbone and he leaned into your touch. 

“I am so sorry,” You whispered  “Just don’t leave again,” Randall whispered back, you nodded and he laid down next to you.  As you pulled your duvet over the two of you Randall pulled you into his chest. This was something you missed too much. 

“I love you,” He whispered, it was just barely audible for you to hear it  You kissed his chest and smiled, “I love you too,”

[neon-junkie]

It’s Me Or The Liquor

Summary: A misunderstanding during an argument leads to you storming off, crying over what Bill's done. 

Pairing: Bill Williamson x gn!Reader

Word Count: 2913

Rating: SFW

Tags: Drinking problems, Alcohol, Break ups, Arguments, Angst, Angst with a happy ending.

Notes: I wrote the first chapter from a prompt list, then felt bad for leaving the ending so sour, so I fixed it :) 

Bill's drunk yet again. This is the second time today, and the fourth time this week. And it's only Wednesday! He's getting worse lately; usually, he's bad, but recently it's been agony. Maybe he was approaching the anniversary of his deployment and didn't want to be conscious to experience the pain, or maybe he was more stressed and worked up than usual.

You'd tried talking to him many times, as a friend and as his other half, but he'd always brush it off and mumble "I'm fine. You ain't got nothing to worry about." It's all lies. He's not fine, and you have so much to worry about. There's so much on your plate, so much stress, so much fear. You don't want to bury Bill when the alcohol finally takes him, or have him damage his brain so much that when he finally becomes sober, he doesn't remember anything, especially you.

He's currently sat by himself at the round table near Pearson's wagon. It's late afternoon, and the Lemoyne air is thicker than usual. Damn this swamp, and damn Bill for working you up. It's selfish of him, to have you worrying like this when all he needed to do was accept his problems and fix them. Sure, it's a big step and not as easy as it looks, but you've told him time and time again that you're willing to help him. The whole gang is willing to help him, but first, he needs to help himself.

"Bill?" You call out as you approach him.

"Sweetheart!" He slurs, looking over as you approach. He leans back a little too much, almost slipping off his seat. "W-why don't you come join me, huh?" Bill offers.

"No, Bill. We gotta talk," you sternly tell him.

"We is talkin', ain't we?" Bill laughs. He's right, but that's not at all what you meant.

"No, Bill. I mean real talk. I've had enough," you say. Bill's picked up on your defensive body language and the frown on your face.

"What's a matter? What you... What... you had enough of?" Bill stumbles. He's really sloshed, but at least he's responding.

"This drinking, Bill. It's gotta stop, for good." You have to put your foot down. Every time you've spoken to him you've been soft, not wanting to hurt him, but enough is enough. You take the bottle from his hand, swiftly chucking it out of camp, spooking the chickens as it flies over their head.

"What the hell?!" Bill's quick to his feet, knocking over the crate he was sat on. "Why'd you do that?" He almost shouts, trying to turn around and walk over to find his discarded bottle, but you put your hand on his arm, stopping him. He's always obedient with your touches, even if he is drunk.

"Listen to me, Bill," there's a grit to your teeth, and your tone is strong enough to have a very shocked Bill turn and face you. "This drinking ends today, alright? I can't deal with this anymore. All you're doing is stressing and upsetting me. I'm tired of this, it's hurting me just as much as it's hurting you."

"What in the hell are you talkin' about? I'm fine, you're fine. There's ain't nothin' to be worried about." Bill shrugs your comment off as always.

By now, most of the camp is watching, concerned for both of your safety, and curious as to where this is going to go.

"This ain't fine, Bill! You know it, you just keep pretending it is," you shout. You've never shouted at Bill before, but you're finally at your breaking point. "It's me or the drink, Bill. I don't want this anymore!"

"Well, you know what?" Bill slurs. He pauses for a moment, trying to think of what to reply. “I don’t want you anymore." He was meant to say he didn't want you to keep bothering him about his drinking, but his drunken brain had spilled the wrong words out of his mouth. It was too late for him to explain what he really meant; your heart had just been shattered for the last time.

"Fine," you tell him, sniffling lightly as tears began to fall. "We're done then."

You're quick to turn heel and walk away, not wanting to waste any more time trying to get through to a drunken fool.

"Wait, no. That ain't what I meant," Bill calls out after you, trying to chase you but you speed walk away. Bill ends up stumbling over within a few paces, groaning and mumbling to himself as he sits upright.

He looks around but you're already gone and all he's greeted by is the many disappointed and disgusted faces of the camp members. "What is you all lookin' at?" Bill barks to them, trying to shove them off but none of them are budging.

"You fucked up, Bill," Arthur sternly tells him. "You just picked the hooch over your other half."

"Why would you do that? ___ does so much for you! They're been tryna get you to quit it for months now and all you do is make things worse," Tilly butts in. Mary-Beth has her hand on Tillys shoulder, quietly telling her to leave it.

"I'm going to go see if they're alright," Susan tells the gang, ignoring Bill on the floor. She storms off, following your tracks, ready to mother hen you.

"Shit, leave me be!" Bill mumbles as he stands up. He walks away in the opposite direction.

"Moron," Bill overhears Arthur mutter under his breath.

 All Bill wants to do is grab another bottle and continue to drink the pain away, but he can't. For once, the thought of alcohol makes him feel sick. The thought of you makes him feel sick, but not in a disgusting way, more like he's sick with himself for acting the way he did towards you.

His heavy steps lead him to the back of Shady Belle, grumbling to himself as he sits down beside one of the trees, overlooking the field and the lake in the distance. Despite the alcohol in his system, he no longer feels drunk. The shock of the breakup seems to have sobered his thoughts and vision up, and for once he realizes what a mess he's made.

There's no way you're going to take him back, is there? There's no way he can fix this, especially after you've spent so long trying to help him. All Bill's done was throw everything back in your face whilst giving you the middle finger. Shame on you for trying to help him.

Bill soon realizes he can hear the faint sounds of you sobbing. You're sat over by the boathouse, sobbing into Susan's arms as she coddles you, telling you you did what you could, that you're a good person, that he doesn't deserve you.

Bill wants to get up and walk away, not wanting to hear those sounds, but he continues to sit there, letting the sound of you crying from his mistakes scold him. Hopefully, he'll use those sounds as a wake-up call, finally quitting the drink and focusing on fixing his mistakes.

We can only hope.

---------

It's been a few weeks since the incident with Bill. The gang is still stuck at Shady Belle, and Dutch has been yapping to everybody about some bank robbery for a while now. Something in your gut tells you that it's a bad idea, but your thoughts and feeling have mostly been drowning over Bill. He's barely been around, occupying himself with heists and robberies, staying out of camp as much as possible and far away from you. The few times you've seen him, he's kept his head down and walked the other way. In some ways, you're happy that he's keeping his distance, but you can't help but notice his permanent glossy eyes and the shakes he's been getting from the alcohol withdrawal. He hasn't picked a bottle up since the breakup, and although you're happy he's quit, it's still a shame things had to be this way. Maybe this was the slap around the face that Bill finally needed, though he never expected you to be a casualty. There's one thing neither of you had done, and that's talk. Most couples tend to have that 'talk' after they break up, usually letting off steam and urging out whatever feelings were leftover, but you'd not said a word to that man. Bill hadn't said anything either, but you'd seen the way his mouth had partially opened and quickly shut whenever he was around you. It seems Bills fuse has finally come to an end, as he'd made it his mission today to talk to you, hopefully about what had happened. The Lemoyne air always feels sticky, even at night. You wipe another layer of sweat off the back of your neck, wiping it off on your pants, your eyes flicking back to the campfire. You're on guard duty, a camp chore that often gave you time to yourself to just think about things. Nobody ever came round these parts, probably still assuming it was crawling with Lemoyne Raiders, meaning you could let your guard down just a little bit and spend that extra focus on thinking about whatever was bothering you. Unfortunately, Bill was always bothering you. You'd questioned yourself over and over on if you'd take him back, and despite having countless arguments with yourself, the answer is always yes but only on certain terms. If he could keep the hooch away, then yes, simply because you know the second he picks it up again, he'll drown himself in it. And Bill needs to find a way to make things up to you; changed behaviour is at the top of your list, though you'll also accept a fancy dinner or a new outfit. The thought of Bill dressing up in his undersized tux to take you out always brings a smile to your face, and you catch yourself smiling at the thought now. You overhear those distinct heavy footsteps approaching, and your heart both sinks and flutters at the same time. "___?" That deep voice calls out but remains soft and timid. "Bill?" You respond, your eyes focusing on the landscape. "Could we talk?" Bill asks, still stood a meter or two behind you. You pause for a moment and decide that yes, you definitely want to talk. "Alright," you respond. Bill takes his time approaching, slowly settling onto the stool beside you. His eyes flick over to you but quickly moves them to the campfire instead. He's quiet for a good few seconds, his mouth repeatedly opening but nothing comes out. Finally, Bill speaks. "I err... I guess you know what I'm wantin' to talk about?" Bill asks. "I do, yes," you respond. "Well, it probably don't mean much to you, but I am sorry for what happened," Bill tells you. You remain silent, giving him time to continue as you can tell he has a lot more to say. "I ain't touched a bottle since, the thought of booze now just makes me sick-" "It's a shame you had to sacrifice me in the process," you cut him off. You didn't mean to snap, but you can't help the anger that begins to bubble in your chest. "Like I said, I'm real sorry," Bill pouts. "You was right. You were just tryna help me and all I did was take you for granted." "And not listen to me," you add on. "And not listen to you," Bill repeats, nodding at the same time. "I was really foolish, treatin' you like that, not listenin' to you..." Your eyes have been fixed on the landscape this whole time, but the faint sound of a sniffle makes you snap your head away, looking over to Bill. He's hunched over as always, his forearms resting on his knees, his back slightly arched. Bills head is dipped down, almost staring at his feet, and the brim of his hat covers most of his face, but you can tell from the way his nose twitches that he's crying. "Bill?" you question. "What?" he asks, a little bluntly. "Are you crying?" "What? No. I... I don't do that," Bill tells you as he quickly wipes his eyes, his hat still covering his face. You're quick to your feet, taking the few steps over to where Bills sat. He keeps his head down, still sniffling away. You bend down and reach out to cup his chin, but Bill slightly flinches. He eventually remains still and allows you to gently tilt his head up, though his eyes flick away to stare at anything but you. "Bill," you sigh, noticing his glossed eyes and the salted trails over his cheeks. "What?" he asks again, acting as if nothing is happening. You crouch between his legs, one hand still on his chin, the other resting on his knee to steady your weight. Bills eyes finally lock onto yours and you notice the way his bottom lip starts to shake, probably also biting his tongue to try and stop himself from crying. "Bill, I gotta tell you something," you say. "What is it?" "Since... that event happened, I've questioned myself over and over on if I'd ever get back with you." "Would you?" Bill asks, almost cutting off the end of your sentence. There's both hope and fear in his eyes as they meet yours. "I keep arguing with myself about it, but I always decide that yes, I would get back with you." Bills eyes light up as you speak, his heart pounding in his chest, but he refuses to get his hopes up yet. Bill knows from experience that every time he becomes happy, something bad always happens, stealing that moment from him, so he refuses to let his guard drop this once, knowing things will only get worse if he does. "I don't get why, I ain't treated you right at all. I've been a sorry excuse for a partner," Bill beats himself up, his eyes trailing to the floor again. "Apart from the drinking, you've been an angel," you say with a smile. "You mean that?" "I do." Although Bill wants to call your bluff, he sees no bluff in your eyes, only a warm heart and a gentle smile looking up at him, something that he thinks he doesn't deserve. "I still don't deserve you," he replies. "Maybe not," you say with a small shrug and a laugh, "but I think you do." "Are... are you suggestin' that we could... maybe work things out?" Bill asks as his eyes meet yours, a tear trailing from the corner of his eye as he blinks. "We could, but I still expect change from you," you reply as you catch the tear before it hits his beard. "Sure, I got it. I ain't gonna be touching the booze no more, I can promise you that," Bill says as he raises his hands. "And you've gotta make it up to me," you add. "How?"   "I ain't gonna tell you, you've gotta put some thought into that." Bill pauses for a moment, already thinking of the many ways he could make things up to you. "Alright," Bill says with a small nod. "Sweetheart," he quietly adds on, nervously looking away. "Oh, Bill," you sigh, cupping his cheek and brushing your thumb over his skin, still slightly damp from his tears. "Come here," Bill says, his hands flexing as he urges you onto your lap. Bill pulls you onto him, swinging your legs over his as his arms wrap around your waist. He cradles you, holding you like a baby as you snuggle your head into the curve of his neck, his beard brushing against your forehead. Bills hands knead at your shirt, eventually settling with a firm grip on you. "I've missed this," Bill mumbles as his cheek rests on the top of your head, his heartbeat echoing against your ear. "Me too," you admit. "You have?" "Of course I have." Bill doesn't verbally respond. He pauses for a brief moment, letting your comment sink in, before holding onto you tighter, bringing you in for a bear sized cuddle, his body almost wrapping around you. A large part of you wants to cry, not just because you have Bill back in your arms, but because the feeling alone of him holding you is enough to bring you to tears. Like Bill, you're never had anybody pay you much attention; most folk look straight through you, but Bills ears perked up the second he saw you, and the more the two of you spoke, the more you realised how similar you are. Bill has to fight the urge to apologise over and over, wanting to tell you how truly sorry he is for what happened and the way he spoke to you. He holds himself back, scared that his insecurity and repetition will scare you away, although he knows it's going to take a lot more than that. Instead, Bill just holds onto you, enjoying the way you're curled up in his lap, despite his thighs going a little numb. He'll sit there for as long as you'd like, happy to have you in his arms again, appreciating you more than ever. He's already thinking about the many ways he can make things up to you, and he plans to do them all.

[foxie-roxie]

why rayllum is a MASTERPIECE part 3

*RUBS MY CLAWS TOGETHER* IT IS SEASON 3 TIME BITCHES AND H O L Y S H I T I LOVE THIS SEASON SO MUCH

i even rewatched it for this!

this time i’ll try to have SOME order, and go by episode. this will however still include unintelligible screaming

1. DAMN THESE FUCKERS BE PINING MORE THAN A PINE TREE FOREST!

first off, affectionate eye rolling, nose boop, and head bonk is the best thing.

second, IF SOMEONE SAYS THAT DURING WHEN CALLUM WAS HELPING RAYLA PUT ON HIS SCARF AND THEY J STARED AT EACHOTHER FOR A BIT BEFORE RAYLA TURNED AWAY THAT HE WAS N O T LOST IN HER EYES? they’re wrong. this is fact now.

third, their teamwork and decision making is excellent. they agree to try and sneak past sol regem, and when that fails try talking to him and then decide to simply trick his senses with the scarf. and instead of rayla shooting down callum’s “smelltriloquism” idea, she simply adds onto it! LOVE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS

“i think it’s good luck!” YES IT IS RAY THAT’S UR BOYFRIENDS SCARF

also, here you go. you’re welcome.

2. STILL PINING. GOD DAMN.

first, CALLUM BEING SO EXCITED BY ALL THE MAGIC IN XADIA IS S O CUTE! MY SON. this might turn into an overrall review of s3. o well

second. FLUSTERED RAYLA AND FLUSTERED CALLUM. Y E S

third, THE ADORABURR FIELD! their smiles were so fond and soft and A. they make me cry of joy. 

an overall look on it, i like how this episode really shows their feelings clearly. no “will they won’t they”, at least for rayla. it’s clear she has feelings.

3. AH FUCK. ANGST.

first i love how when rayla mentions that she’s excited and happy but also terrified, callum tries to comfort her. good boi. best boi.

second, elf callum. i love that scene so much even if the second-hand embarrassment kills me, and rayla is j like “why the fuck do i love you. im gonna kill him.”

third, DANCE! callum not being rude and saying her home is “modest” before rayla explains it’s an illusion, his BLUSH WHEN SHE HELPS HIM, and the softness in general. rayla’s excitement that she’s home and talks abt that she can show callum where she went to school, the best moonberry surprise place, until...

fourth, AH FUCK. A N G S T T I M E. rayla being crest-fallen before callum says that it must’ve been a mistake, and she realizes that ethari would probably understand!

and then CONFIRMED GAYS. YES.

rayla realizing ethari ghosted her too and then callum GOING O F F. he angy and when rayla runs out callum IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWS (like in a later episode) and comforts her again.

when ethari comes down and breaks the spell and says to callum “trees to meet you too” and rayla’s like “don’t encourage him”

also callum trying to get on the shadowpaw and ethari being Concerned is AMAZING. concerned dad content

i’ll talk more about ezran/ruthari/the dark magic trio in a later ted talk

4. H E R E W E G O

first, rayla clearly being sad and callum picking up on that quickly (he even seems to be almost falling on purpose, perhaps to make her smile?) and asking if she’s ok before being shot down by rayla insisting she is fine. GOD DAMN. THAT HURTS.

second, their interaction with nyx is so amazing. rayla being protective of zym and callum being a DORK is awesome, but also their decision making.

after rayla reluctantly decides that they can go see how nyx could get them across the desert so quickly, they see the ambler and then their reasoning is amazing.

“what do you think?”

“the dragon queen is dying.” and then i forget the rest of the exact quote but they give a subtle nod to eachother. they make their decisions TOGETHER. AS A TEAM. AND THAT’S ON HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS X2!

third, callum continuing to gently press for rayla to express her emotions. he doesn’t pressure her, but seems to simply let her know that if she needs to talk (when she insists she’s fine), he is there. 

four, MORE FLUSTERED RAYLLUM. YES. TY NYX but also fuck u for taking zym but also ur hot- A N Y W A Y

five. OOOOOOH. MY FAVORITE SCENE.

rayla’s crying and callum tries to reassure her. nyx is plotting, while rayla runs away and callum follows. Y E S.

rayla talks about how there’s nobody left that cares about her and she lost everything.. and then the SPEECH. i have this speech memorized i’ve watched this scene so many times

"JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY. JUST, LISTEN TO ME. YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. I KNOW THAT, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. YOU HAVE TRUE COURAGE, AND A BIG HEART! I'VE SEEN YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN SO MANY TIMES AND EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU GET UP AGAIN. THAT'S REAL STRENGTH. AND.. AND YOU'RE TEN TIMES FUNNIER THAN ANY HUMAN I KNOW! chuckle SEE? SEE YOU KNOW YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE SMART AND FAST AND BEAUTIFUL. RAYLA YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I'VE EVER MET."

LOVE THEMMM

and then rayla kisses him and that’s all that happened. callum was not a dumbass. right? RIGHT???

5. MY FAVORITE EPISODE!

first, rayla saving callum from the soulfang serpents and callum helping her get up is AMAZING, LOVE THAT.

second, callum tryna get a good position and rayla j saying to hold onto her and callum GETTING FLUSTERED. BOY IS PINING also he didn’t have to hold her that close.

“I DON’T THINK OF HER THAT WAY” “YOU AND I DON’T HAVE THAT YET” LIAR.

three, THEM JUMPING OFF THE AMBLER AND. THAT WHOLE MOMENT? THE ROMANTIC TENSION IS KILLING ME

four. DAMN CALLUM RLLY DO BE HAVING HEART EYES @ RAYLA WHILE SHE KILLS LIKE 80 SOULFANGS HE IS PINING PART 2

five. THE SPEECH. THE SOFTNESS. THE KISSES. GOD DAMN. FAVORITE SCENE OUT OF THE ENTIRETY OF TDP. LOVE THEM.

also here you go again

what can i say except YOU’RE WELCOME

6. ANGST BUT ALSO FLUFF ALSO REUNION

once again won’t b talking abt ezran specifically but there’s some passing mentions of him from now on

first, rayla and callum reaching the stone thunder and callum asking “is it... a statue?” and rayla sadly saying “no. it’s not a statue” A. I CRI.

1.5 ayla and callum best dragon parents

i’ll get to an actual analysis later

second, THIS MOMENT IS UNDERRATED EVEN THO IT’S ONE OF MY FAVS why has nobody mentioned the lil tender moment where ezran is by phoe-phoe and rayla puts her hand on callum’s shoulder AND CALLUM PUTS HIS HAND ON HERS. SO SWEET.

third, OK I’LL STOP MOST OF MY UNINTELLIGIBLE SHRIEKS AND ACTUALLY ANALYZE THIS.

callum is upset because of thunder and rayla sympathizes immediately. this is similar to how callum lets rayla let out her own emotions, and rayla is doing the same. he explains how he feels angry, upset, confused, sad, and rayla quickly empathizes. he keeps on venting, not knowing whether to feel regretful, or glad, and how he’s confused because that’s sarai’s spear. he feels sorry that all this happened, but rayla reassures him that zym and ezran are going to break the cycle! that’s hope! and then they hold hands and i screech

AND THAT’S SO FUCKING HEALTHY AND I LOVE IT. THEY RLLY BREAK ALL BAD HET RELATIONSHIP STEREOTYPES (coughbutistillheadcanonthembothasbiandcallumistransilldieonthishillcough)

7. angst but not rayllum angst so its ok

first, they begin to go up the storm spire and i really love their banter. “and i’m guessing the dragon queen didn’t make her den at a nice, halfway kinda place?” “nope. tiptop!”

cuties.

second, ASSDHFNF THE FACT THEY M O C K THE IDEA OF A FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIP. THEY’RE IN LOVE AND THE WORLD CAN DEAL WITH IT. LOVE THAT FOR THEM

third, RAYLA CATCHING CALLUM. IT’S. NOT RLLY BIG I JUST LIKE IT AND THINK IT’S CUTE HOW EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ALSO OUT OF BREATH SHE RAN UP TO CATCH HIM. 

four, AHSDHGDHFG THEY DEADASS FORGOT EZRAN WAS THERE. more flustered rayllum i love that

8. FUCK IT’S RAYLLUM ANGST NOOOO

one, ibis is j a good boi. back to rayla and callum

two, rayla going in to see the dragon queen and when she runs out callum QUICKLY FOLLOWS to see if she’s ok. asks her if she’s ok, and she OPENS UP!! CHARACTER GROWTH BABY!!! and then they hold hands and i once again shriek

three, AH. HELLO ANGST.

before we go to the actual angst, can i say that THE LAUGH AFTER RAYLA SAID “STORM SNEEZE” IS SO CUTE. CALLUMS IN LOVE. MY SON.

oh no.

*bonks rayla on the head* nO SELF SACRIFICING!!

although their fight is super angsty and i hate it, it does provide some conflict and more plot because it gives callum a reason to want to find out the truth about rayla’s parents. and then he does! people argue that this fight was unnecessary or that callum was a jerk, but this was needed i think. he did let his worry become a bit of anger, and that was not a nice move, but he knows he fucked up and fixes it!

and then we get soft rayllum this is fine

9. AND YOU THOUGHT LAST EPISODE WAS BAD N O *CRYING*

there’s not much rayllum featured in this ep, but the amount we do get is 80 PERCENT ANGST AND I WASN’T OK WITH IT

first, the fluff! callum trying to do the wing spell and rayla teasing “did you pull a muscle in the middle of a jumping jack?” is so cute. i LOVE THEM. also they hold hands and i SH RIEK again. 

also soren how dare you interrupt callum he was abt to confess

second, callum when he’s explaining the battle plan and his ZAP HAND. rayla is j watching him like “yep. that is my dork.”

and CALLUM SEEMS SO FOND WHEN JANAI CALLS RAYLA THE LAST DRAGONGUARD. PERHAPS I SOB

skipping forward in time a bit for the angst oh no

third, callum going up to the storm spire after ez encouraging him to go to rayla. love that soft brotherly relationship. and we think “oh, soft rayllum, right?”

NO. VIREN’S UP THERE.

fourth, THEY DIDN’T NEED ME TO BE ROLLING ON THE FLOOR WTF. the fact that rayla’s blade went right in front of callum and he looks up and sees zym in danger, viren is there, and RAYLA is there, p a n i k.

and then rayla jumps and the entire rayllum fandom SC REAMS after callum’s “no!” before she jumps and “no, no, no, RAYLA!”

fifth, CALLUM NO WHY ARE YOU JUMPING TOO- oh wait its ok he did the wings and im still crying fuck

THAT CONFESSION THO- i cri tears of joy now. they’re in love

sixth, I J WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE EZRAN SHOWED UP. like it’s clear that they’re talking or something, but abt what is the question. also yes they hug and raylas fond

seventh, THEY HOLD HANDS!! soft bbs,,,

AAAND IM DONE! this is. quite long so if you read all of this i hope u have a good day and thnx for listening to me ramble with some coherent thoughts

[slashnatic]

Yo I got an idea ! How would Thomas and the Sinclair brothers feel about their new “ victim “ who has a small baby with them , it’s their baby and she’s begging them “ uou can hurt me just please don’t hurt my son/daughter “ then it’s an eye opener for the boys who start to fall for this girl? Thanks love!

oh lord, i really liked writing that for thomas! i just want him to be a daddy...anyways, i chose the gender of the baby depending on the scenario i had in mind, i hope that’s cool with you :)

Thomas Hewitt: Imagine

You cowered in the corner of the basement, your arms protectively wrapped around your son. You couldn‘t hold back the sobs any longer, but the fire in your eyes remained. “I swear to god, if you hurt my baby boy...“ Your voice was strangely threatening, something you weren‘t used to. A side of you you didn‘t know existed. Thomas wouldn‘t have thought you‘d act like that either. You seemed so sweet and kind when you were talking to Luda Mae, it hurt him to think about what would soon happen to you. Now it was even worse, actually. He didn’t want to take this baby‘s mother away. He couldn‘t. It seemed all to familiar. Just like it was with his mother, or similar to that at least. He didn‘t know exactly what had happened to his mother but he had a vague picture of the situation. Sure, Henrietta would take the child in and gladly take care of the young boy, but this wasn‘t what he deserved. He had done the mistake before, taking away a mother from a child and the guilt he had felt afterwards still haunted him. And you were so determined to protect your baby, so loving, it wouldn‘t be fair. Fuck this. He lowered the chainsaw and then slowly laid it down on the ground next to him, all the while keeping eye contact with you. Your hand went to cover the head of the boy, stroking it softly, while a tear slipped out of your eye. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife; you were both so scared of each other. The crying of your son made you break eye contact and you looked down. You mumbled soft words trying to calm him down but his cries only became louder. “Fuck“, you mumbled. You looked up at the man in front of you. He was wary but he looked less threatening than before. He wouldn‘t hurt you. “He is...he‘s hungry.“ No reply. You sighed and looked down again. Okay, whatever. You slowly pulled your shirt down and held your son in position. Thomas’ eyes grew wide as he realized what was happening and he tried to look at anything but you. He failed. The love you had for the boy, the way you took care of him even in a situation like this, it made his heart beat faster. When you were done he took a step forward, ignoring the fear in your eyes as he picked you and your baby up and carried the both of you upwards, out of the basement. No, he wouldn‘t kill you. You would become a part of the family.

It was almost exactly six years later, a lukewarm day, mid-August. The wind outside was noisy, but the sun was shining. Thomas fixed one of the steps of the stairs to the entrance door of the house. Inside he heard a chaotic conversation, he couldn‘t make out who was talking. He chuckled when he heard profanities being thrown around. What a wonderful day it was. When he heard the sound of someone running through the hallway he looked up. Only seconds later a young boy ran out of the house and only stopped right in front of him. “Mommy says lunch is almost ready. And she wants me to help you!“ He sounded so existed. He nodded and handed the boy his hammer. “Do you think if I help you more often I‘ll be strong like you one day? I want to be strong! I want to be like you!“ The boy giggled as he excitedly awaited his answer. Thomas only looked at him. In that moment he wasn‘t strong. He felt weak because he was soft. He wanted to cry. There he was, a young boy who would grow into a handsome man one day, just wanting to be like him. Then he nodded. Yes, boy, you will be strong. I will teach you. Like fathers do.

Bo Sinclair: Imagine

You had come to the gas station only wanting help fixing your car. Now you were taped to a chair. Tears ran down your face as you struggled to get free. My boy. It was the only thing on your mind. My baby boy. The door swung open and in came the same man who was responsible for your current situation. His name was Bo, or at least that’s what he had said. Bo from the gas station. But apparently Bo wasn’t only a mechanic but also a crazy motherfucker. He walked over to you and began ripping the tape off of you. “Imma bring you to my brother Vincent now. He’ll take care of you, darlin’.” The mocking grin on his face only made you angrier, but there was no time for anger. You just needed to take care of your son. “What will he do? Will he kill me?” He didn’t answer, instead he showed you the same grin once again. “You can’t do that! Please! Please! My baby, my baby...you’ll kill him too!” You didn’t know what you meant exactly with that. That your son will starve to death? Most likely, but it was also quite possible that he would die in another way. But then again, who would actually kill a baby? You could only hope he wasn’t that kind of crazy. You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt him stare at you for a little too long. It was different. The mocking grin was gone and there was a serious look in his eyes. He looked almost concerned. “A kid? You got a kid out there?” You nodded. You were crying again, out of fear. “Fuck.” He pushed you back into the chair and turned around, running a hand through his hair. “Where is he?” He looked at you again with a look in his eyes which could only be described as weird. He seemed to be angry, but it wasn’t directed at you. “You’ll kill him!” He scoffed. “Nah, darlin’, I’m just tryna do the right thing for once. You really think I’d kill a baby?” The look in your eyes was telling and it almost hurt him. “I ain’t gon’ kill your boy, I’ll keep him. I’ll keep you both here.” You didn’t look much calmer than before, in fact you still looked utterly terrified. He sighed while holding a hand out for you to take, so you could get up more easily. “I’ll take care of you.”

Vincent Sinclair: Imagine

Vincent didn’t know what to do. You had come to town, he had taken you to his basement at the first opportunity to do so and he had planned to spend his night with you, making you another one of his sculptures. Now he stood in front of your car, not knowing how he should react. He had taken your car keys, so he could get the vehicle and drive it further into town, since it was still quite far away, right where it had broken down. Right where he violently had taken you with him. Now he was back here with the intention of driving the car closer to the house, if possible. And right in front of him sat a little baby girl, giggling as she reached for his hair to play with. That explained a lot. He stood there for a couple more minutes until he decided to take the child with him. He carried her in his arms to the basement, his touch soft, afraid of breaking her. When he came into your view you immediately started crying. Not your baby. He walked closer until he stood in front of you, still unsure of what to do. He looked from the girl to you, when you spoke up. “Please, please. Not my baby girl, not my baby. Do whatever you want. Kill me if that’s what you really want to do, but please let my baby live.” Your voice was hoarse and you couldn’t stop sobbing while you talked. You were so desperate. You really seemed to think that he was such a monster. That he would kill an infant or take away its mother. Of course, it made sense for you to think that, but he wouldn’t. He would never. So he kneeled down in front of you and placed the child softly in your arms. You looked up at him, still afraid. He smiled under his mask in an attempt to be sympathetic, but of course you didn’t see, so he gave you a simple nod. More tears escaped your eyes, but this time you weren’t sure if they were actually out of fear.

He sat there for a long time watching you play with your daughter. At some point the little girl reached for his hair again and he let her. No, he wasn’t a monster, he wouldn’t kill you. You and your daughter would live. And as it would turn out you would live happily.

[mycatshuman]

I Against Me

Past Platonic Anxciet

Warnings: angst, just a whole lot of angst.

Didn't proof read so here you go.

"Tell me why you're holding me back

Tryna push me off the right track

And I'm wishing so bad you would leave me alone

Why you're blurring out my vision

So I'd go make the wrong decision

But I know that you'll never be gone"

---------

Virgil and Janus used to be good friends. Really good friends. The kind of friends who would do anything for each other. But their friendship grew to be unhealthy. Toxic even. And when Janus "Self-Care" Sanders asked Virgil if he could find any reason why they should continue to be friends, Virgil realized, then more than ever, that he had to let go. He loved Janus. He was one of the best friends he had ever had. And in the words of Brendon Urie: "If you love me let me go-" Virgil let Janus go. 

That didn't make it hurt any less. 

---------

"I'm blaming you that I've been cruel and mean to all my friends

Cuz I've become so rude and now another friendship ends

But now I started seeing clearer

I saw your face up in the mirror

Yes I'm the one to blame"

--------

Virgil shattered. 

He knew it was his fault. Who else could have caused this. Janus was big on self-care. If he had issues, he went to see a therapist, but Virgil,  oh Virgil, he wouldn't. Dare he say he couldn't? Therapy cost money, money that he couldn't really spare. 

But he could have done better. He could have listened to Janus when he told him to get help. But he didn't. Why exactly, he didn't know. Stubborn? Lazy? Most likely. But he did try to keep his problems from Janus. Keep them tight to his chest. He couldn't burden others with his issues. He should have known better. 

--------

"That's why I bang my head against the wall

Cuz I don't like myself at all

Wish that I could cut all the ties

And now my life is such a tragedy

Cuz I'm my biggest enemy

I can't look myself in the eyes

It's I against me

I against me

I against me

(I, Me... I)"

---------------

Virgil isolated himself. He thought it would help. He really did. It only succeeded in making himself feel lonely. So lonely that he didn't feel like he could ever reach out. He didn't feel like he could bring up events in his life. From time to time he did, on things he didn't feel alone in dealing with, but when he felt truly and utterly alone, he didn't reach out. He couldn't reach out. That eventually led to possibly one of the biggest mistakes in his life. 

---------------

"I'm hurting everyone around me

And I'm regretting it profoundly

But I finally see that the reason is you

Another day another struggle

Because I'm always causing trouble

And I hate what you're making me do"

----------

Janus did not see their relationship as healthy. Virgil couldn't think of any reason for them to be friends other than he wanted to and he felt less lonely when talking to Janus. Even when he isolated himself, talking to Janus sometimes made him forget. But Virgil knew he was just being selfish. He was stifling Janus. Janus deserved a much better friend than Virgil could ever be. 

And when Janus got cold feet, Virgil took over and let go. Better he deal with all the guilt than his friend. Ex-friend. 

Self-loathing wasn't far behind. 

----------

"I'm blaming you that I've been cruel and mean to all my friends

Cuz I've become so rude and now another friendship ends

But now I started seeing clearer

I saw your face up in the mirror

Yes I'm the one to blame"

-----------

Virgil had cried himself to sleep the night before, "to sleep on his thoughts" Janus had suggested, he ended up with a stuffy nose before finally falling asleep. He didn't think he would be able to cry anymore after it actually ended but he supposed things do always go the way you think they do. He didn't think he would be the one to actually leave. It was just one more thing for Vitgil to blame himself for. Maybe it wasn't exactly a healthy thing to do but, Virgil needed to realize the truth. This was his fault, no one else's. He was the one to make the friendship toxic. No one else but him. He was told to get help and he didn't.  His dad and stepmother were right, he didn't know how to change. 

-----------

"That's why I bang my head against the wall

Cuz I don't like myself at all

Wish that I could cut all the ties

And now my life is such a tragedy

Cuz I'm my biggest enemy

I can't look myself in the eyes

It's I against me"

--------------

Virgil had dealt with friendships end before. He really couldn't think of anyone he knew who had ever stayed his friend throughout his whole life. There were people who went and came back and then went again. There were people who were friends but more out of obligation like they were family or they had no else at the time and needed someone. Virgil had had a few friends throughout his lifetime but never really any best friends. At least not ones where it didn't seem one sided. He should have realized the ending of his friendship with Janus was going to hurt a whole lot more than the ones before. 

--------------

"Me against I

A torturous battle

A one-sided fight

I'm willing to lose if it means

That I win in the end

Now the war is on

As we both collide

I just hope I will survive"

-----------

Virgil sat in his room. He couldn't go to his mom or aunt. He couldn't let them know what happened. He could deal with this on his own. There wasn't a rule that dealing with something on one's own required them to actually be able to handle the crushing weight of emotions pushing him down into the ground. 

Movies sometimes depicted people talking to their siblings if they couldn't or didn't want to go to an adult when they were hurting. But his brother wouldn't understand and he couldn't trust him not to tell anyone. And his sister...well, he hadn't heard from her in a while. He wasn't sure why, if it was because she thought he had been in on it when their brother set up a group video call and added their mother or if it was because of the letter. 

He had said things about their mom in the letter, hoping to get the 4 year silence between them to end, but maybe it was what he had confessed at the end of the letter that had stopped their communication. Maybe it wasn't the right idea to come out as Bi in a letter but how else was he supposed to be certain only his sister would hear? 

Yes, Virgil was trying to distract himself from the events of earlier that morning by thinking of other things that upset him. Not healthy but it kept him from crying for the most part so he counted it as a win. Except nothing could ever seem like a win on that day. More like a consolation prize. Like, "Hey you woke up today! You get to breathe!" But eventually, he would have to let reality run him over. 

-----------

"That's why I bang my head against the wall

Cuz I don't like myself at all

Wish that I could cut all the ties

And now my life is such a tragedy

Cuz I'm my biggest enemy

I can't look myself in the eyes

It's I against me"

---------------

Virgil often wondered what was wrong with him. Why some things didn't seem to make him react the ways others did. He really wished someone would just tell him everything that was wrong with him and why so he could fix it all. Most of the time when he tried to fix things he had messed up with before, he only ended up making things worse. It happened when he lived with his dad and now he was living with his mom. 

He wanted to change. Really, he did. At least he thought so. But people were telling him he wasn't changing. And of course they had to be right. He really wasn't changing. He was just fooling himself into believing he was. And he had fooled other people into believing he was. His mom was right, he really was manipulative.  

---------------

"Bang my head against the wall

Cuz I don't like myself at all (Ohh)

Wish that I could cut all the ties (Ohh)

And now my life is such a tragedy (It's I Against Me)

Cuz I'm my biggest enemy (Ohh)

I can't look myself in the eyes (Ohh)

It's I against me"

------------------

Maybe, Virgil thought. Maybe I'm not supposed to have friends. I don't deserve them and they deserve better than me. Tears spilled fast and heavy from Virgil's eyes. Maybe I was just meant to be alone. 

------------------

"I against me

I against me"

---------------

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