#at least not thaaaaat dumb

[thatmomfrnd]

you're the moon to my sun, not merely because you light up my otherwise dark sky. the moon only shines once the sun fuels it's lights, and you only seem to come after i remind you that i'm still alive.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Alright 5x19 let’s DO THIS.

(Warning: This will probably be long.)

WE BEGIN...by visiting Leviathan’s underground speakeasy.

The shot of Lex in the glow of the Kryptonite is great, 15/10 iconic Kryptonian Killer.

But SPEAKING of things that are green and bad...Gemma’s outfit is stage magician meets Mera from Aquaman and WAIT, WAIT, I’m just now remembering that the character in the comics was linked to Atlantis. Is that why they’ve gone with a green motif for her all season?

Probably not. Either way, still gives me knockoff Mera vibes. (*whispers quietly* I don’t like Mera’s outfit either.)

(I’m reading the Wikipedia entry for Gamemnae and did you know: she was exiled from Atlantis for being blonde?)

Anyways!

That’s just a very long-winded way of saying that the costume is kind of a weird choice.

Then we’re back in Kara’s loft and finally, FINALLY...someone tells Lena that there are BIGGER FISH, STOP REMINISCING.

And then the Superfriends arrive on the scene and they are ready to throw down.

Honestly same bro, same.

Also M’GANN IS ON THE TEAM I love it please, SG, please, hire Sharon Leal full-time. 

What is the current door-kicking tally--how many front entrances have the Danvers girls destroyed?

“Well the joke’s on Rama Khan and his big dumb gladiator outfit because I already defeated him once.” THIS. IS. WHAT. I. HAVE. BEEN. SAYING.

THE COSTUME IS SILLY AND NOT IN A FUN WAY.

Leviathan just has terrible fashion sense, is basically the theme of this season.

Oh my gosh M’gann being the one to suggest the multiple Karas and the WINK I love her, I love her so much.

PLEASE NOTE: That J’onn was like ‘the skirt is surprisingly comfortable’ but his response to the pants is, ‘they’re gonna chafe.’ 

J’onn J’onzz, Skirt Supporter. 

Then the Alex suit reveal and ooof, ooooof, probably the wonkiest of the scenes, unfortunately. (Can’t decide if I appreciate the effort of the CGI Alex or if it’s simply too uncanny valley.)

Also, put a pin in the Alex suit reveal. We’ll circle back to it.

(Oh wait and also: Kara’s scream and J’onn’s reaction all A+.)

Breaking chronological order here to just touch on the highlights and maybe discuss particular chunks in detail SO...let’s get right toooooooo....

Rooftop scene with Alex and M’Gann! Nice! But also I was like, ‘Alex just...has a bazooka? ...Yeah that tracks.’ And then I remembered that she has the martian weapon...honestly kinda prefer my accidental headcanon that she just owns one. 

Then back to Lena and Kara and we’ve come full circle because folks...they figuratively flew to Luthor-Corp...on a bus.

Oh if only that was the actual goal of this entire plot. I would applaud it.

SG writers, always: REAL threats come in groups of THREE.

I actually don’t mind it. They aren’t given a big introduction and amount of screen time, so it’s pretty unobtrusive. 

Then we get a Luthor-Corp lab scene AND a good look at Alex’s suit so LET’S CHAT.

Okay first and foremost: not opposed to vigilante Alex! Especially if it means she can work with Kara a bit more directly.

Love the color scheme! Love the hood! Love that the boots are no longer the stealth wedge heel but are just...heels. Good, yes, good! Also love that you can see it’s basically built on top of her DEO suit which totally makes sense, as...I guess Alex is building the suit mentally, not physically, technically, but she’d still be using stuff she’s familiar with to put it together in...her...mind?

I also think the top portion sits better than the DEO suit, which had that awkward...square-ish portion that covered the front of the torso.

But hmmmmmm the eye makeup is...a statement. 

Confused as to why they didn’t go with a domino mask...maybe it was an actor comfort thing but HMMMMM not my personal favorite, admittedly. (Also don’t love the lace up look on the front portion but that’s because it’s reminding me of some of the terrible costumes from Arrow.)

And then the hair clip, which. Okay. As someone who has been struggling to find a way to pull back short hair during this time of no haircuts...can’t be mad about it.

In fact, catch me over here, taking notes.

Alright, costume rambling OVER sorry for the tangent but, you know. New super suit, it’s always exciting. 

I like that Kara had to deal with not being able to be out fighting the threat! That’s a good bit of character stuff there.

“William went after Eve ALONE?!?!?” “No super hearing!” 

“Please, be careful.” “You know me.” “Yeah, exactly, that’s what I’m worried about.” And then a HUG and they’re just the best.

 Dunno if I’ve mentioned it yet but I love the effects they use for Gemma’s ‘true form.’ Very cool and creepy.

Does Andrea just...not question Gemma’s evil villain outfit...or...?

Much like Alex’s super suit we’re puttin’ a PIN in the Brainy plot we’ll get there but FIRST...

THE KARA AND LENA CONVERSATION.

Do I think it should’ve come earlier in the season? Yes! Do I care at this point? ...Okay, still yes! But that’s another pinned point I’ll get back to, right now let us just bask in the beauty that is specifically, verbally laying out all the CRAP Lena put Kara through, and Kara making sure Lena understands THAT is what hurt her, not ‘working with Lex.’

“You never understood.” BINGO. “I know I hurt you by waiting so long to tell you my truth but what about all the ways you hurt me?” EXACTLY. 

“I made one mistake, one mistake that was only ever meant to protect you and in return, all you did was hurt me in every way imaginable.”

Then Lena finally apologizes. For, you know, the stuff that was actually upsetting Kara. So. We got there. ...Eventually.

Then it’s off to save William and he’s talking down Eve! We love a noble journalist.

Kara cauterizing the bullet wound and William being like ‘DO IT no wait DON’T DO IT’ and Kara’s just like, ‘TOO LATE, IT’S DONE.’

RETURN OF THE POWER RANGERS SUIT NICE.

And theeeeen a lot of scenes that are fine but it’s mostly just legwork to get us to the bigger parts of the episode sooooo we’re jumping to...

Andrea! Pleasantly surprised with her part in the action of this episode. Had that nice moral conflict we saw in the front half of the season. It’s a little crammed in here, at the last minute, but. Still enjoyed seeing it.

A personal quibble on the visuals: I prefer the simple elegance of the season one hope speech, (Just a lone camera, in a rundown radio station XD) but I understand they had to convey ‘scale.’ Still think it’s a little much.

Oh man, totally forgot to mention, loved Nicole’s line read for, “Maybe you should’ve been meaner.” It was GREAT.

So there’s the fight against Rama Khan and his buddies, and Kara’s trying to talk people out of a MMORPG, AND Andrea shows up ready to kill somebody. 

The drama! The suspense!

THE SCORE.

I have another quibble with the cutting back and forth on the hope speech and it’s largely to do with perhaps inadvertent implications regarding who has to grow from pain and what pain in particular, but that might just be a ‘me’ thing, reading the scene a particular way, so I’m just gonna move on and say LOVE TO SEE A HOPE SPEECH.

Also:

Supergirl: “I believe in you.”

The VR peeps and us, the audience:

Alright time to talk about BRAINY.

Admittedly haven’t loved double agent Brainy, which felt more like a, ‘let’s add some drama’ move than anything else.

I do still stand by my assessment that Brainy being a few steps behind Lex made sense given his distress re: Nia and the Superfriends.

But also...was a little wild, IMO, that he didn’t have...some way to at least circumnavigate the radiation shield? Or at the very least limit it.

But again. DRAMA.

All that said...wow. Loved the two Brainys at the end, there. Genuinely touching.

“Will you stay with me?” “Till the very end.” 

BRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNY.

How do you make another Luthor reveal work when you ALREADY pulled the, ‘It was Lex all along!’ like, twice before?

You MAKE IT LILLIAN.

Like, dang it, I enjoyed it. How dare you, SG.

But THAT’S IT. NO MORE SECRET LUTHOR REVEALS. 

The terminator look and death shriek for Gemma was fittingly creepy very nice.

But also WOW, she never interacted with Kara. I am DISAPPOINTED. 

So anyways, that second Lena and Kara conversation! 

It was fine. It’s fine. This is fine. It’s...it’s fine.

(Except that it highlights a problem with the way this whole thing was set up and it’s not something unique to SG! It’s a problem I’ve noticed with a lot of redemption arcs--which seem to be all the rage, as of late--and that is a disproportionate amount of bad things done by the one character, and putting off the turn until like, the last possible minute to increase the drama factor and thaaaaat...is not a super satisfying conclusion because it’s a HUGE amount of build up for a relatively small pay off. Like, as Kara is listing the stuff that Lena’s done, it’s kind of a stark reminder that Lena physically and emotionally hurt Kara on purpose which. Is a glaring red flag. That’s the kind of thing that needs to be unpacked, maybe! Given some space!

Which isn’t to say that characters should never be forgiven, or that they need to be excessively punished. It just needs time. So saving the ‘redemption’ part for the very end where the characters NEED TO BE HEROES RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO HELP OUT it’s...hmmmmmm. Too rushed.)

AND SO, SOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS, THE SEASON FINALE, AND THE SEASON AS A WHOLE:

Wow but I did not like the focus on Lena. Not fun. No thanks.

Which is only made worse by the trashfire that is the SG fandom. 

Loved the moments of growth and agency for Kara, though. 

Loved the big crossover! It kinda made for a wonky set up of Earth-38 plot vs. Earth Prime plot but honestly anything the writers set up in the front portion of the season was going to be at the very least interrupted, if not completely derailed simply given the nature of what they intended to do with the merging of the earths.

Like give me SG’s approach to handling the front half of the season over Flash’s any day. 

Still too many characters! Still too much plot! Still weird pacing issues! XD

Forget it, Jake, it’s Supergirl.

Oh, honorable mention: The handling of Kelly! She was integrated so well into a nice intersection of plot points and characters that when she’s there to hack into the Obsidian stuff in the finale it’s like, ‘well naturally she’d be here.’ EXCELLENT WORK. 

William and Andrea win ‘most improved over their intensely unlikable introductions.’

To be clear: I liked this season finale! And the fact that it all came together as well as it did is a testament to the skill of all the folks involved, considering the awful extenuating circumstances.

Though, upon further introspection, I think I really do dislike the CGI Alex. Too far into the uncanny valley, sorry. 

IN CONCLUSION: Very, very sad that it’s gonna be a whole year, or possibly longer, before we get new SG content but, glad that the actors will have a little more time off than they usually might, and I’m all for holding off the production as long as possible, in order to keep folks safe.

WHAT are Lex and Lillian up to, like, specifically, and WHAT is Alex’s superhero name??? WILL the folks in charge of the new Superman show remember that it’s a Supergirl spinoff?!??! Find out NEXT YEAR only on SUPERGIRL! (And Superman & Lois!)

EDIT: I used the word ‘quibble’ twice which feels like one time too many, but also it IS a fun word to say. ‘Quibble.’ Ha. XD

[merinnan]

DMBJ Ep 7

Okay, DMBJ episode 7! 

 The Xiaoge Rescue Count at the start of ep 7 stands at 9 for Wu Xie, 13 for the protagonists, 14 for everyone. 

 The newly added Wu Xie Swoon Count stands at 4 (I say swoon, but really, it's every time he's unconscious)

For reference, the Wu Xie Swoon Count so far is him getting knocked out in the river cave, passing out after A-Ning bit him, passing out at the cave entrance to the tree/tomb cavern, and passing out again on the floor of the cavern before Xiaoge fed him the kirin blood.

- We start the episode back in at the main plot, and not the flashback, thank fuck

 - Pangzi, that is fucking ridiculous, really. 

- What are you, five? 

- "Why are you so weird?"  Yes, Sanshu, I agree 

- Look, at least he respects having his lips mimed zipped shut

- Because Iron-Masked Scholar isn't an ominous name, or anything 

- And now we're back to the stupid-ass flashback that I'm gonna skim through because it's dumb and I hate it 

- WAIT IS THAT THE SAME MASK THAT BB!YE ZUN WORE PRE-EATING THE REBEL LEADER IN GUARDIAN?!

- Because it looks almost identical 

 - I wonder if the Guardian props team managed to get it cheap from the DMBJ props team, or something 

 - jhkjsdfhklfjhfdg I think it is 

- OMFG it is

- Oh, gotta stop skimming for a sec, here's greey eyed fox demon dude. This might actually be important 

- Ominous neck cricking...? Really? 

- Ironface...created the fox demon? Is that what that was implying? 

- Oh, emperor dude just accidentally murdered his wife. Oops.

- Oh good, back to the real plot again. 

- Ooooh, that's why that stone coffin owner is so pissed at everything 

- I mean, so would I if I'd been peacefully sleeping in suspended animation so I wouldn't die, and then some asshole ripped me out of it and threw me in a stone box, too

- See, now that's a flashback I can appreciate, because it had Xiaoge in it 

- No shit, Sanshu 

- Back to a Lu flashback, but it's in the tomb, so I won't skim it because it seems it's actually plot relevant this time

- And some random girl comes running into the super secret tomb, because of course she does 

- Oh, it's the maid come to tell him that the chick he was having an affair with is dead 

- I mean, dude, I see you're upset, but you really brought this on you - and her - yourself

- Okay, back to skimming, I don't care about the fucking love triangle of like 1500 years ago 

- Oh, wait, back to plot 

- Ooooh, they're in a different tomb right now

- I don't get why they've changed getting the jadeite suit from "power hungry dude just wanted to be immortal" to "power hungry dude who had an affair with the emperor's consort that got her killed wanted to bring her back to life"

- It seems it was just an excuse to shoe-horn in that dumb love triangle bullshit 

 - Oh, fox demon guy is here and bewitching the guy 

- And NOW we're in the actual tomb, before it was a tomb, and here is the evil tree

- Oh, no, it's a hallucination because the woman is here in the jadeite armour and this surprised him 

- Back to the present, yay! 

- ...Pangzi, I'm not sure you should be lounging on a coffin like that 

- Always time for a gratuitous shirtless Xiaoge pic

- Oooooh 

- Okay, those horribly plastic looking green rocks do have a kinda creepy glow to them 

- Dude, you are sliiiiiiightly obsessed and it's rather disturbing 

- She does look good in that white dress and jadeite armour, though 

- Yeah, I wonder what will come first

- I'm going to take a wild guess that it's him dying 

- Also, a little impressed that he managed to murder all his men without seeming to get a scratch on him 

- Oh my. Ironface stabbed him in the back. I never saw that coming. 

- Here is my surprised face

- That is a super fast death for where he got stabbed 

- Oh, hi again fox face 

- And...that's ominous 

- Because I don't think they've actually dealt with fox face yet 

- So he must be hanging around somewhere still 

- Why does every cdrama & anime villain have the same laugh?

- Yes, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW 

- Wait, why was Ironface's autobiography in a completely different tomb? 

- And WHY WOULD IRONFACE WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN?! 

- And again, Wu Xie is the only person Xiaoge actually looks at

- Oh yeah, they have to get out before dark 

- And what are you after, A-Ning? 

- Pangzi, why are you so surprised that Wu Xie trusts A-Ning more than you right now?

- You're not very trustworthy so far 

- I mean, neither is she, but at least she's honest about it? 

- Sigh

- Oh, A-Ning's people have to leave the area by dark, too 

- And they're not getting along with each other right now 

- Wu Xie is such a good boy 

- Do you guys really have time to be slowly taking the armour off of the corpse?

- You, Pangzi. He said you're a thief 

- Because you are 

- You said so yourself last episode 

- At least they're showing a little bit of novel!Pangzi's abilities, even if they are making him be a fucking idiot about it

- And Xiaoge just being Xiaoge 

- Looking pretty. Being quiet. Waiting for everyone else to stop being dumb.

- Wu Xie being a Good Boy again 

- WAIT WHEN DID I MISS WU XIE STARTING TO CALL XIAOGE 'XIAOGE' INSTEAD OF 'MENYOUPING'?

- Uh oh 

- Another evil bug, but this one's red 

- Oh, the thing they beheaded was the fox face guy 

- Yes, that is the correct response to Xiaoge telling you to run 

- Oh, the boss corpse eater flies 

- Wonderful 

- And it's fast

- WTF is with that jaw full of ridiculous teeth, it looks like a super camp horror movie critter 

- Jesus Christ Pangzi, SHUT UP 

- Good hit, Wu Xie 

- This is some very tense music and panning around to look at all the entrances to the cavern 

- Thaaaaat's a lot of evil bugs 

- There is not enough blood in one body to repel all those bugs, Pangzi, don't be dumb 

- Wu Xie is a lot stronger than he looks, being able to lift A-Ning like that without much effort 

- HOW ARE YOU GETTING VIDEO FROM THAT ANGLE

- AN EXPLOSION ON THE SCREEN SHOULD NOT SHAKE YOU LIKE THAT 

- Oh, okay, they must be right above the cavern or something 

- Still the explosion was very deep and didn't seem like it was so large as to shake around the people on the surface like that

- Is Wu Xie about to faint again? 

- But didn't the kirin blood cure him? 

- And dooown he goes 

- I expect I'll be updating the Rescue Count in a moment 

- It is a very pretty shot of him falling, though

- All wide-eyed with shock and surprise

And of course that's where the episode ends No updates to either the Rescue Count or the Swoon Count this time 

[ladygreendown]

It wasn’t the THAAAAAT bad

How the series ended as a whole was pretty bad - Daenerys’ sudden and quick descent into tyranny was awful and Jaime and Jon’s die-hard loyalty to their terrible women was disappointing. Jaime’s especially. Why mention Jon being the “prince that was promised” if he doesn’t end up on the throne. Knowing that Jon was the rightful king is probably what triggered Dany’s destruction of the city. She was probably mad because she knew the city wasn’t really her’s. They just wrote the incredible story for this girl and ended it in the worst way.

Showing Cersei and Jaime was pretty gruesome. The bit with Drogon and Dany’s body was pretty tragic and highlighted the fact that she really should not have died like this - Emilia will be legendary for this though. She portrayed this beautifully, even though she knew it was trash.

The show has always been needlessly cruel to show the Needless Cruelty of the World or whatever, but point of fantasy (at least to me) is to build a better one.

Even with that though, it thought it was okay.

Jon never wanted to be king, so I knew he would never be one. Hopefully he’ll be some kind of content in the North - even though still having the Night’s Watch is dumb.

Sansa has been the Queen of the North in my heart ever since “or perhaps he’ll give me yours.” It’s just very nice to be a winner, tbh. I actually cried when they were cheering for her.

Arya is going wherever she wants to. Westeros was never going to be home to her. She didn’t want to be a Lady, she NEVER wanted that life.

Tyrion will be a good Hand of the King.

Brienne deserved to command the King’s Guard.

Sam should be in whatever position it is that he’s in. I don’t know what it is, but he deserves it.

Grey Worm is taking The Unsullied to protect Naarth, which is perhaps for the best.

Drogon burning the throne was dope. Dany’s entrance with the wings was gorgeous. Ghost is thriving in the beyond the wall with his boy.

The almost-democracy plan is a decent one.

Could have been the greatest TV series of all time, but obviously not anymore, but so far as series endings go it’s not the absolute worst.

Not gonna lie though, the choir singing at the end may have been what changed my mind about all the bad writing. I’m a sucker for a choir.

[riderdrauggrim]

On the topic of precarious ladders:

So writing about working at heights hijinks and life-panicing moments got me thinking about an old member of my first local. This guy had been installing wiring for the Big Bang, I garuntee. We were talking one day about ladder adventures. Both being short, small, and overconfident, we had plenty of moments to swap, but his took the cake.

He was on a North American tour of an Opera, back in his day, and they were down in the States, I want to say California but I can't recall precisely.

So this venue they're at, they're doing the load in, and it has this odd grating installed over the last few feet of the stage that allows the actors to walk right above the orchestra, a sort of grid covered pit.

The touring rig has a lighting pipe that needs to be hung right out over the stage edge, so motor lines are dropped in, everything is built and hooked up, and up it goes. But then, the local crew explains to Ronnie, because of the unique floor covering the pit, it wasn't load bearing enough for a scissor lift to be run across it. "But how do we focus those lights?" Ronnie asked, confused.

So that's when the house crew went out into the house, up to the back of the third balcony, and pulled out three segments of an extension ladder, 20 feet each. A quick chat determined that the apron pipe was about 40 feet above the deck, so two chunks of the ladder were passed over the edge of the third balcony to the second; over the second to the main floor, carried out to the edge of the stage, and linked together.

"Now what," Ronnie asks, probably well caught on, but just making sure. The local guys grin, and walk the ladder upright. Then four of them get around the base. "Up you go."

40 feet, straight vertical, no safety, nowhere to anchor to, no wall around, held in place by four crew hugging the bottom.

Up zips Ronnie, straddling the top rung and hooking his feet into lower bars, pulls out his wrench, and gets the first light focused.

"Okay, now, hang on," the guys at the base holler, and proceed to waddle-walk the base of the ladder to get Ronnie to the next fixture.

One foot, pivot-twist - rock onto other foot, pivot twist. Stop, work, repeat.

The whole width of the apron.

I can still see the grin on Ronnie's face retelling it, I bet he was having the time of his life.

And then, the story goes, he was so comfortable up there, and the ground team so competent, they got the pipe done in record time, but halfway along, tragedy struck upstage.

If you've never heard a motor bag dump a full length of chain after everything has been flown out, well, consider yourselves lucky. A collective groan went up from the carpentry team as a bag spilled, the only way to clean it up being bring the set in again.

"Hold up," says Ronnie, "maybe we can help." And his base team waddle-walked his ladder across the stage, where he pulled up the chain and stuffed it back in the bag to the cheers of the other crews below. Lighting was the hero of the show for the rest of the production's stay there.

So... Every now and then, when my leg is cramping because my harness is biting off circulation in my thigh because I'm folded in half trying to adjust some fixture, and my retractable lanyard is trying to choke me to death, or at the very least pull my hair out, and some Technical Director is griping that I "shouldn't be doooiiiing thaaaaat..." Okay fine, then I guess you can't have the effect, because I can't set it up legally; I think back to Ronnie, seated on the top rung of a forty foot ladder, being waddled across a stage, and I wonder if all this safety has dumbed down our skills.

And I wish like hell I could try that.

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 4: Q/A 2.0]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There’s a yawn on Stephanie’s side.]

[Stephanie:] “Good-morning students and lovely listeners. It is currently…”

[Dick:] “Around 10 am.”

[Stephanie:] “Yes. Around that. As you can tell, we sound mighty tired.”

[Dick:] “That’s because we did not sleep. At all.”

[Stephanie:] “Eehh yep. We’re still in Arkham Asylum, waiting for breakfast to heat up and well, why not do a podcast for ten minutes while we wait?”

[Dick:] “An excellent idea, absolutely.”

[Stephanie:] “So, erm, after the end of the last one, we immediately went to the solarium and-”

[Dick:] “Wait no, Steph don’t continue, there’s a question for that.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh, right right. So anyways, like Dick said earlier, we didn’t sleep at all. Weeee stayed up all night doing whatever.”

[Jason:] [In the background] “We partied like there’s no tomorrow.”

[Damian:] [Next to Dick] “That’s what you always do, Todd.”

[Jason:] “I came here for a good time, not a long time, Damian.”

[Stephanie:] “Okay. Shut up. Where was I? Right, we uhh. We stayed up, played some games too. At some point there was… booze involved?”

[Dick:] “I mean with Jason here, there’s always gonna be booze involved.”

[Jason’s victory whoop can be heard.]

[Stephanie:] “Okay but playing hide-and-clap with booze was pretty fricken hilarious.”

[Dick:] “We lost Tim three times. Three.”

[Damian:] “At least Drake can find his way back on its own, unlike Todd and you.”

[Dick:] “Don’t expose me on air, Damian!”

[Stephanie:] [Trying to do an imitation of Damian] “Too late, Grayson.”

[Tim:] [Closeby] “That was bad.”

[Stephanie:] “I know. But let’s continue. We haaave some of this week’s questions right here.” [a second of silence] “I’m wavin’ my phone, it’s in here. Dick’s got his phone too, he’s waving it-”

[Dick:] “I am.”

[Stephanie:] “He has it there. We’re ready to rock and roll. Will you do the honors, Dick?”

[Dick:] “Question one comes from an anonymous listener. ‘Is the Wayne Manor haunted?’”

[Literally everyone at the same time, but Stephanie and Dick’s voices are more prominent:] “Yes.”

[Dick:] “‘And if so, do you have any experiences you wanna tell us?’”

[Stephanie:] “What a fun question. But yes, the manor is haunted and even I don’t live there, but I have a couple experiences.”

[Dick:] “Care to tell us one?”

[Stephanie:] “I was having a sleepover with Cassandra, who’s actually here with us today. She’s just quiet. Say ‘hey’ Cass.”

[Cassandra, quietly in the back:] “Hi.”

[Stephanie:] “Heh. So yeah, sleepover. And it was like three am in the morning and I wanted to get some hot cocoa for the two of us when I was walking down the hallway and saw a figure walk out of an open room. And it was dark, so I thought it was one of you guys, but when I kept walking closer, the figure turned out to be a little girl wearing a white dress.”

[Dick:] “I don’t recall ever seeing a girl in a white dress? Much less see any of that in paintings around the manor?”

[Stephanie:] “I know, that’s what I was thinking!”

[Dick:] “So then what did you do?”

[Stephanie:] ”I kept walking.”

[Dick:] “You kept walking?”

[Stephanie:] “I mean, I wanted my hot cocoa, Dick. I kept walking and I didn’t turn around and I thought to myself ‘if this girl’s gonna follow and kill me, can she at least have the decency to make sure I don’t die in a dumb pose?’”

[Dick:] “Oh my god, Steph!”

[Stephanie:] “I don’t want the cops to take photos with my face like-” [A beat of silence. Dick snorts.] “-that, you know?”

[Dick:] “Fair enough, I suppose.” [He chuckles] “But I still don’t understand the little girl?”

[Unintelligible sound coming from Damian.]

[Stephanie:] “What?”

[Damian:] [Closer and easier to understand.] “I said, what if the little girl was just Drake coming out for another mug of his coffee.”

[Laughter coming from Jason.]

[Tim:] [To the side] “Funny, real funny.”

[Stephanie:] “What about the dress then? There was a white dress.”

[Damian:] ”Maybe he had his bathrobe. It’s a white one. Drake wears weird clothing when staying home anyway.”

[Stephanie laughs.]

[Dick:] “Did the girl say anything?”

[Stephanie:] “She was looking for ‘Mommy.’”

[Everyone else:] “That’s Tim.”

[More laughter from Stephanie. It sounds like she’s turned away from the mic.]

[Tim:] “You won’t be laughing when I’ve poisoned your coffee.”

[Jason:] “Please do.”

[Dick:] “Anyone else? Experiences?”

[Jason:] “I know there’s a cool ghost chillin in the library. I call him Carl. He says hi when I read there for more than two hours.”

[Damian:] “That’s Father’s great-uncle, Graham.”

[Jason:] “Whatever, he looks like a Carl to me.”

[Cassandra:] [Quietly next to Stephanie:] “Ghost cat.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh right.”

[Dick:] “There’s a ghost cat? How come I never saw that one?”

[Damian:] “You’re obviously always way too busy texting the Gordon girl.”

[Cassandra:] “Can feel her sometimes brush on your leg.”

[Stephanie:] “Ooh. Have you felt her?”

[Cassandra:] “Yes. I call her Minnie.”

[Damian:] “That’s great-grandmother’s. She’s actually a ‘he’ and his name’s Licorice.”

[Jason:] “What’s up with this family and food names, I swear.”

[Damian:] “I name all my pets with actual names. Blame Grayson. He’s the one who called the turtle ‘Nugget’.”

[Dick:] “Hey, no one stopped me!”

[Stephanie:] “Next question! We’re getting too off-topic, remind me never to have you all together in one episode again. We all know how this is gonna go down.”

[Damian and Jason:] “Death.”

[Dick:] “We already talked about it, and the answer is no. Now, the second question.”

[Stephanie:] “Question deux from a ‘@simphyun’. Oh my god, ya’ll are really putting your handles on the name portion?”

[Dick:] “Smart, smart.”

[Stephanie:] “‘What’s a hotspot for a spooky date? Not really haunted or anything, and not the cemetery?’”

[Jason:] “Oh, I know.”

[Dick:] “You don’t date.”

[Jason:] “Doesn’t mean I don’t know where the best spots are. So, there’s this hill next to the cemetery. It’s not in the cemetery, it’s a bit more further, but it’s like a popular make-out point spot. Complete with a spooky tree too.”

[Dick:] “That’s the best spot?”

[Jason:] “You got a better one?”

[Dick:] “The roofs?”

[Jason:] “That’s not spooky. The only one who’d get scared here is you.”

[Stephanie:] “Ok, there’s another question anyway. ‘Did you guys find anything, ghosts, spectres, while in Arkham?’ by @MucousMembrane.”

[Dick:] “Ah, as a matter of fact, we did.”

[Cassandra:] [In the background] “Tim?”

[Tim:] [Rushing closer to the mic.] “I got evidence! Audio evidence!”

[Stephanie:] “Oh boy.” [A bit of shuffling on her side.]

[Tim:] “Here! I had a spirit box session in the solarium.”

[Jason:] “He watches one season of Buzzfeed Unsolved and suddenly he’s a ghostbuster.”

[Tim:] “Sh!”

[He plays the recording. There’s just some static sound before Tim’s voice can be heard:] “Is there anyone here with us?”

[Two seconds of silence before an unintelligible sound coming from the box is heard.]

[Tim:] “See? Evidence! It said ‘the’.”

[Jason:] [Talking nearby] “It just sounds like a fart, Tim.”

[Tim:] “You’re a fart.”

[Dick:] “Jay, don’t stab him.”

[Stephanie:] “Tim. Tim, we heard literally nothing but static.”

[Tim:] “That’s not static! It’s very clear, why can’t you guys pay more attention?”

[Dick:] “We are and well… Tim that’s not very convincing.”

[Stephanie:] “Anywaaayy, for those who were with us last episode, we were excited to go into the solarium because of a secret room that may or may not exist. Aaaand it did!” [She sounds excited] “Aaaaand we found a ritual chamber! For a satanic cult! WE DID IT!” [Sudden noise, like someone got up]

[Dick:] “And she’s dancing.” [He snorts] “We had a picnic on the altar.”

[Stephanie:] “And we used the ouija board Jason got us, of course.”

[Dick:] “Nothing happened.”

[Stephanie:] “Sadly.” [Sound of someone sitting back down.] “But it was still fun!”

[Dick:] “I think breakfast is about to be done heating up soon. We have one more question. From an anonymous, ‘what’s the best/worst pick up line you’ve heard? Halloween version, if there are any.’”

[Cassandra:] [Quietly, she sounds far] “I got one.”

[Stephanie:] “You do? C’mere.” [A second or two of silence.]

[Cassandra:] “Are you a ghost, Steph?”

[Stephanie:] “Me?”

[Cassandra:] “Because you’re boo-tiful.”

[Stephanie:] “Cass!”

[Dick:] “Oh my god that was the cutest thing ever.”

[Jason:] [Far from the mic] “Cassandra, you’re as sweet as candy, I can just eat you up.”

[Stephanie:] “Hey! Find someone else to practice your pick up lines!”

[Damian:] [To the side] “Grayson, are you writing these down?”

[Dick:] “What? No? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

[Tim:] [Next to Dick] “I like you a skele-ton.”

[Stephanie:] “You’re a total zom-bae.”

[Jason:] [Closer to the mic] “Won’t you be-” [To the tune of Alicia Keys and Usher’s “My Boo”] “-my boo?”

[Stephanie:] “That was terrible.”

[Jason:] “You’re terrible.”

[Damian:] “Grayson, you ARE writing these down!”

[Dick:] “No I’m not!”

[Tim:] “Oh my god he’s gonna tell those to Babs.”

[Stephanie:] “That’s not even a question.”

[Cassandra:] “If you were a monster, you’d be Franken-fine.”

[Jason:] “Just slay me already, Cass.”

[Stephanie:] “You are! He wrote it down!”

[Dick:] “Let me live!”

[Tim:] “You know she’s probably listening to the podcast.”

[Dick:] “I…” [sigh]

[A phone chimes.]

[Stephanie:] “It’s Babs on the chat. She says you’re a dork.”

[Jason:] “You’re a dork!”

[Dick:] “Thaaaaat’s all we have for you this morning, folks. Please? Can we spare what’s left of my dignity?”

[Stephanie:] [Snorts] “You never had any to begin with.”

[Dick:] “Funny. Tune in on Thursday where we’ll cover the events that will unfold during the Wayne Halloween party the night before!”

[Stephanie:] “And keep the questions rolling!”

[Dick:] “This podcast, along with last night’s podcast, was brought to you by Gotham High’s very own Paranormal Club.”

[Stephanie:] “Again, a very very big thank you to the Paranormal Club. Thank you for letting us use your equipment and helping us with the research. As always, love and-”

[Jason:] [Screaming, he sounds far away] “Sparkles!”

[End of Episode 4.]

[disappolntment]

undeveloped thoughts until a new psych don’t crucify me

actually don’t even read this I’m venting and it’s probably victim playing because I don’t think I’m going through a hard time ever apparently

gd my mum bitches about my little sister like she isn’t in the room with us

I want to be supportive and validating to them both because I see both sides

It’s just a bad position to be in. I love them both a lot but it happens every day and instead of her dealing with it she just yells at me about it and then acts like it doesn’t exist and my little sister doesn’t have any consequences but honestly the only person my sister treats like this is my mum?

Regardless a kid doesn’t understand?? They’re just getting yelled at

but I’m trying to get into a new psych, deal with my eczema and get back into uni/life and friendship circles

I can’t fix ur parenting for you

or mediate for you anymore and I’m asking you to stop but you’re still taking and I’m still giving but I’m a fucking pushover for people I love

I’ve been doing it my whole life. I didn’t know I had emotions until the age of fucking 21 because the only time you’d give me any form of attention was when you were crying about my dad (fuck yeah toxic behaviour I probably mimicked but my dad was also a narcissist so :) :) :) I have self professed daddy issues don’t I just have a fucking target on my head)

(raised to think now feel later tbh which is why I was so fucking dumb when trusting the first boy I slipped into bed with YIKES IM A DUMBASS LMAO he was a complete stranger in hindsight but I trusted brea’s input and honestly I think I was just connected to her? Not her fault lovely human who went through a lot also even if she hates me lmao)

Find your own fucking voice of reason REGARDLESS MUM

She doesn’t even listen to advice and just talks over me all of the time? infuriating. I asked her yesterday if she was going through a difficult time lately and she told me no? She is having the best time everything is going really well for her etc she is really excited about life and the business

She genuinely is on top of the moon every single day. But the only things she speaks to me about: her emotional baggage. stress. this needs to be a double ended stick. to get support you need to give it. because The way Annabelle talks to you is the least of my issues when I have split personalities induced by psychosis. (My own fault. I’m an adult. I’m not blaming her).

When I black out for 3 days straight and don’t remember the last 3 years of my life...

I need a hospital.

I need a good psychiatrist and I’m in a position where I am PHYSICALLY unable to get it.

I don’t need to hear your emotional baggage.

I’m going through a hard time right now and I can’t give mundane support to people.

I’m so selfish though?

deal with your own shit IM BEING AN ACTIVE LISTENER and giving you decent support and you aren’t even asking me how my day is in return.

I do it because I love you but I fucking can’t even love myself right now please stop doing this if you don’t 100% need it? I’m only one person. This is just stupid.

everything is genuinely my fault coming down from losing reeya (especially because she heavily sided with my ex after validating the abuse but tbh I think I treated her like trash so I kinda understand and that genuinely is her decision I hope she is doing well now and we have both grown idk it was probably for the best I’m so self destructive all of the time which isn’t tight in friendships but ya girls first relationship her fucking dad died in it I’m not a miracle working despite putting on a brave face. Again not her fault she had no responsibility by me at all this is a general observation

I’m not a psychologist so I don’t know who did who wrong especially after reading the messages she and joe exchanged?? But I was always acting how I felt and being honest and he was just guilt tripping me and making me feel bad about my concerns and lack of support idk how fucked up are large groups of people heavily addicted to weed and in denial about it)

(Actually in hindsight she did side with him and: It’s just so unsettling that my ex never spoke to me about the way he was feeling only to my support networks lol? Narcissist. He would always SHIT talk everybody he had ever encountered he hates everybody except the friends sexually assaulting me on a regular basis and thinks everybody is doing him wrong and I was the only reason he probably still has friends or a brother and am currently in a position where he can make his own life. bet they all fucking dropped off the face of the earth when you stopped having a hot girlfriend they could actively fondle and you to deny it. But then again prolly not y’all all into younger girls anyway??? Actively pursuing 17 yos is still a fucking crime :) :) sex fuelled perverts )

And having to admit to myself my ex actually is trash and all of these people I was convinced were lovely and good for me weren’t actually. All of these little things are coming back and genuinely no friends should be hearing them when they do? Because it did happen two months ago and I should be over it.

fuck yeah the incredible anxiety in public (only around men) I physically can’t control HAS BEEN REAL AND SOMETHING I haven’t had to deal with in so long

I literally

Just

Shut down

I can’t breathe

But I’m fucking dealing with it in a healthy manner I don’t need anybody to act sorry for me I need long term support and I don’t get that from my family SO IM FUCKING DEALING WITH IT. IT ISNT MY FRIENDS ISSUE.

but here I am playing victim because my issues aren’t even that bad 👈👈😎 and I’m okay being alive when I’m tending to my plants dog and video games

this past year has been hell on earth (I didn’t even know I was going through a hard time honestly #gaslighting) and I have a hard time creating new support networks which is fine because we are also working on thaaaaat I’m just venting Rn. I’m pleased to report I have a lovely group of friends that took me out and dropped me off at a party during PEAK SOCIAL ANXIETY I COULDNT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HOLDING EITHER SAMS OR JAYDES HAND they’re fucking lovely and I forget I have mental issues around them they’re actually fucking phenomenal

REGARDLESS I needed to vent a little so that continues:

yes, I can help you

but no, you aren’t getting help

********* I shouldnt need to be having emotional outbursts 24/7 for people to acknowledge they’re effecting me or I’m going through a hard time. I’m not like that!!!! I should just be able to tell them my boundaries and conveye WHATS going on and them recognise and respect me *********

If I’m being a little bitch isn’t that the point of talking about it? fucking hurt my feelings I don’t care it’s PRODUCTIVE even if you fucking need time to like sit on them I’m so understanding WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED I KNOW IT CAN BE ROUGH

“Sorry” just fucking guiltrips people without change

But it also prevents you from making meaningful connections with people if you refuse to change.

(Have fun being your dad dumbass xx)

DO WRONG? ITS GOING TO BE CONFRONTED IF I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND in turn us. Stop being a bitch about it.

But I can’t even say that with complete conviction nowadays especially in the company of people after my last relationship and my ex best friend because my reactions were mine in all of it and I did lose reeya. Objectively speaking I must have been shit because reeya isn’t a dumb person?

still haven’t told my shit psych about any of this because he is cracking onto my mum and me

And actively telling me I can’t pursue uni or any goals I bring to the table. Always cuts me off when I wish to vent.

Stress

all because I saw his face today and he acted happy to see me which is a fucking lie because that man does not have a single ounce of empathy and that’s still so apparent because all he does is fuck freshly 18-19 yo’s and bitch to my loved ones how much he misses me like lmao you never even established a bond with me I was just a trophy. but anyway he has never actually apologised or attempted to rectify any of his mistakes the only thing he has ever said to me was shit like “*fake tear* you hate me” “you just want to fuck him” (I HAVE SUCH A LOW SEX DRIVE IM ALMOST POSITIVE IM ASEXUAL I DONT WANT TO FUCK ANYBODY UNLESS IM OBSESSED WITH THEM AND I WOULD TELL HIM THIS AND HE WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME IM LYING OR IMPLY IT IM JUST TRYING TO FUCKING ACCURATELY EXPRESS MYSELF AND YOURE GUILT TRIPPING ME) “I look shit (my dad literally just died and the entire Italian family is downstairs arguing about the funeral and shit talking me to my face and I’m crying about it and the only things he says is that. I yelled at him constructive things like: it probably wasn’t the time for that I just needed support for a little while?? I felt bad and started comforting him because I loved him and him being happy made me feel better.)”

Occasionally when he was drunk “I’m the best” NARCISSISTS

Such a fucking victim playing narcissist (and his brother does it too to this poor girl named Phoenix??? But she is leaving soon if Mitch doesn’t decide following in his big brothers footsteps, fucking people younger than his little brother, is detrimental. I hope they get off drugs and spend time away from mitchs family. I’m always torn between sending her a message to establish an “sos” contact in the area but Sam still lives there so that’s comforting? But also not really because that environment is not good for Sam to be in. Torn.)

You weren’t the one cheated on buddy. You weren’t the one gaslit. You weren’t the one who lost their dad and family and had no support other than “I hate myself”.

You got an angry reaction. You did something shit.

Also;

Yes, that man in public is interesting.

Yes, I am having human conversation with him and am learning things.

Yes, I am denying his advances.

No, I clearly don’t want to fuck him. He knows I have a boyfriend. You are POSSESSIVE AND TOXIC AND IN COMPLETE DENIAL ABOUT IT. I DONT CHEAT ON PEOPLE AND IVE NEVER CHEATED ON ANYBODY. I GREW UP WITNESSING THE EFFECTS IT HAD ON MY FUCKING MUM. STOP TAKING A MALE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR HOT GIRLFRIEND AS AN EGO JAB. FUCKWIT.

YOURE EXACTLY LIKE YOUR FUCKING DAD THAT EVEN TRIED THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE ON ME IN HINDSIGHT

You. Are. Definition of shit buddy.

I told you everything and was made to feel emotionless? I literally gave you all of my emotions. Im so dumbbbb.

You had them.

Fuck you.

My emotional responses were so skewed because you GASLIT ME.

Trash is the human that gaslights a girl losing; her dad to cancer and entire family to the ordeal.

Trash is the human that says he wants to love and support a girl going through shit like that, and believes his victim playing/self deprecating ‘issues’ are bigger than hers.

You aren’t caring because you financially supported bringing me along for your life style so you can show me off?

Closure is just something I have to live without in both regards though. Which is shit because I genuinely want to grow from fucking up that friendship with reeya?? But also I’m so mad she took my ex’s side. Like... take no side at all if you can’t make a decision.

Both people could be equal parts the problem. It’s a fucking breakup.

I think I’m mad and guilty because I let joe use all of my support networks to validate himself.... but only after they validated me.

“Do better than your parents”

But I don’t understand if I should be angry or guilty over that entire ordeal?? Because I understand clouded judgement during that time and going through your own shit and hating me during that time I was a fucking DUMBASS and a sympathiser to somebody negatively effecting me “because he has done so much for me” (it should be a thankless fucking task I gave him the opportunity to leave before this entire thing I sat him down in his dorm room and said stuff in my home life is about to get rough I don’t know how I’m going to react. I’m prepared to break things off for the time being are you positive you’re prepared to do this with me it’s genuinely okay if you aren’t.)

(All in all: acknowledging so many mistakes I made like not reacting to a lot of things and giving people the benefit of the doubt; anyway I’m actively trying to correct them and it’s difficult in this environment because my families issues are mineeeeeeee B) B) B) BUT ALSO GIVING MYSELF TO PEOPLE STRAIGHT AWAY and now I have to relearn boundaries which is fucking TIGHT)

I wish them both the best regardless.

I probably did fuck it all up.

But like they’d ever tell me? Like I’ll ever get their side.

I genuinely didn’t mean to hurt anybody and was only trying to keep the peace in every regard because that’s genuinely how I was raised

But I just didn’t know that’s actually detrimental? Like people pleasing and shit (I’m growing all over again and realigning my moral compass)

So confusing because I never used to be a people pleaser with my friendship groups or anything like that.

I feel like I just unlearnt all of the information and dialogue I worked really hard trying to secure in a relationship :) I can’t even cope with my mum bitching about my little sister without having a mental breakdown now.

it’s all coming up milhouse-

my dog is fat (he got into the giant food bag like twice and almost flipped his stomach but instead put on about 50kgs so now I’m the owner of a fat Labrador) and dog aggressive now when other dogs try and hump him (it’s very weird for renny he is usually very patient but there’s a new puppy in the family so he is kinda over being the rest dummy I think)

I’m just going to invest my time into fatass and see what happens

I don’t know what I need or who to get advice from but I’m sick of joe always being in my environment nd if people don’t let me run anyway soon prolly gna neck because everybody I love sympathises with him so much which is so confusing for me it’s like people are going to fucking validate my emotions (which means fuck all now???) and also sympathise with my fucking abuser (which also needs to be validated by a psych because this is just beyond my support networks and me anyway)

👈👈😎

but alas here covid is so I can’t run away which isn’t an answer anyway but at least then maybe I can focus on myself for a day without everybody I love abandoning me

I’m a massive victim have pitty on me I hope things look up with this new psych and they don’t just convince me I’m playing victim too but invalidating everything I say. but it’s for the best because I think I get greedy when people give me a platform when I need intense emotional support (sorry you had to deal with any of this reeya)

fuck yeah

cant even blame my mum for guilt tripping me into accepting help from my ex while on holidays it’s my fault I was in that position!!!! because I’m a shit person who genuinely deserves to be alone for the shit she has done!!!! and her mother’s issues have always been hers!!!! But I just wanted to make everybody happy and you kept reassuring me it was okay!!!!!

so fuck everybody that thinks I’m a horrible person right off the bat when men are capable of making their own decisions especially when I’m giving them all of the facts???? Fuck victim players!!!!

AGAIN DONT CRUCIFY ME THESE ARE ALL UNDERDEVELOPED BECAUSE IVE HAD NO GUIDANCE AND STRUGGLE WITH INTENSE MEMORY LOSS THE PAST 3 YEARS ALL I CAN DOCUMENT IS THE WAY I FEEL AND IM SEEing A PSYCH SOON ALL I Can do in the meantime is treat the people in my current circle with respect but I’m struggling and need my family to support me emotionally a little without invalidating me? But I can’t dump all of my shit on them consistently because fuck this level of emotional baggage on anybody other than a psych or myself lmao

But that’s okay because people will never understand how the individual feels and it genuinely is up to me to deal with my own shit.

[the-short-stouts-tavern]

Dweit & Pals - The Tomb of the ‘Uber Riches

“Give me back my hat.”

Dweit sat at a small, wooden table in a dimmly-lit tent. The only light in the place was from a lone candle in the center of the table. On the other side of him was...another goblin. The darkness covered the figure in darkness, but Dweit already knew how ugly the poor sapper was.

He also knew that the goblin had the audacity to wear his hat. Who does that?

“Zinkin’ about vhen yer friendzk vill arrive, mine captive?” The figure spoke as one of his large oaf minions pressed Dweit down into his chair.

“‘ey, hands off. Tell your mook to stop tryin’ to manhandle the goods, yea?”

One motion from the hand of the small figure and the oaf moved his giant hand away from the shoulder of the captive. “Mine apologiez.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The captive moved his hand over his shoulder, dusting it off and muttering. “So what do youse bozos want with me?”

“You and me, ve are tvo sidez of zhe zame coin, Mr. Dveit.” The figure moved a hand out and laid down a small gold coin. “Ve vere both burned badly via our previousk employerzk.” The figure was interrupted by a howling wind flying into the tent where they both sat. “Close zhe flap. Zhe sand vill...ruin our converzation.”

The oaf nodded and moved to the flap, trying to close it. Through a continued muttering of drowned out frustration via the zipper getting stuck at the top, the oaf moved his entire body to cover up the doorway. A simple solution.

“Ahh, zhat’s better.”

“So you were sayin’ somethin’ about two sides of a coin or somethin’ stupid like that.”

“Ah, right. Mine apologiez for not gettin’ to zhe point.” The figure shifted and moved a coin bag onto the table. “You are but vone coin in zhe empire of goblins forzked into zervitude by Gallyvickz. A vayvard pennilezk zoul aftervards...but zhe goblin lawz kept you zecure.”

“.....what of it?” Dweit narrowed his eyes.

“I vas not born yesterday, Zhe zhree of you came to Uldum to find zhe fortune before zhe haughty ex found it firzt.”

Dweit grimaced.

“Ah, zhe face you make iz vone of great clarity, so I zhall get to zhe point.” The figure moved forward, the light barely hitting his grotesque face. “Vhere is zhe treasure?”

Dweit figgited in his seat. “All of this for my treasure? Why?”

“It is in mine nature, Mr. Dveit.” Through the darkness the goblin could see a small glint of a smile creep along the figure’s face. “I know zhere iz zometink very preciouz zhat iz kept zhere. Zometink...empire-topplink.”

“..........fine. But before I do, you gotta listen to my tale.”

“Ahhhhh, zhe tranzparent attempt to buy fer time. But thiz is good. I vant to know everytink.”

“Fine...so you’re probably wondering how I got into this mess...” Dweit stared at the figure, one eye closed while the other kept itself trained on the shadowy figure.

“Yezk...zat is vhat I zaid.”

---

Days prior.

“MAMA DWEIT...NO!” Dweit fell to the ground before the bloody, headless corpse of a sweet old lady, tears streaming down his gaunt face and-

---

“Vait, vait, vait. Back up von zeckond.”

“What? You want me to tell the story or not?”

“Aren’t you...zkippink ahead a bit?”

Dweit rolled his eyes. “Oh, so I actually wanna save you time an’ you decide to make me unabridge it. Fine, fine, whatever ‘yer lordship’ wants.”

---

A Few More Days Prior.

So, as it turns out, the Broken Isles don’t really have much in terms of things for us to profit from. Elven ruins were already tapped, and everyone an’ their mother was in Suramar grabbing the wine. Sure, we were there to promote the message of Horde unity and saving the world from the Legion and blah-blah-blah, but...welll, you know goblins. We ain’t going for something we can’t profit from.

So me and my associates decide to leave Dalaran and partake in scavenging on the Broken Shore. That area hadn’t been given a foothold yet and we figure a few ships would have to have something.

But then I had a glaive to my throat.

The hustle and bustle of The Filthy Animal was temporarily interrupted by a demon hunter slamming Dweit into the wall while a blood elf pointed his sword to his side.

“What...did I...do?” Dweit couldn’t help but give the demon hunter a smile. “Did I offend your senses?”

After a moment, Dweit realized who it was who had him against the wall. “Oh, right...you’re Holly’s bae, right?”

“Urrrrrgh...”  Denarye did not look well after he said that, but he had surely been called worse, right? He was also gripping the goblin’s neck tighter. “You will call me Denarye.”

“Right, right, sorry. So...w-what can I do for you?” Dweit looked over to Tendorel at his side, wondering if he was going to do anything useful. Tendorel had his eyes transfixed on the demon hunter, blade nestled firmly into the air and ready to strike at any point.

"Ohohohoho!”

And then Dweit’s last bastion of hope was shattered, when his vision focused to the right and saw Holly walk forward, her hands gripping her giant axe with a smile only a crazed psychopath could love.

“What’s this all about, Holly Nitwit?” Dweit attempted once more to try and loosen the demon hunter’s grip, but it turns out the demon hunter MO really is never letting go.

“Oh, I wanted ta’ make shure ya didn’t skip outta town yet, Dweeb. Not before I gets ta’ kill ya.”

“.......why?” Dweit grimaced.

“Because yer not needed anymore, bozo. I just need ta go to my good-fer-nothin’ ex-mother-in-law an’ get on my way ta’ the big bucks!”

“Your ex-m-...” Dweit’s eyes widened. Then they shot over right to Tendorel. “TENDOREL.”

“Huh, what?”

“You told them?! Why?! Why did you tell them!?”

“W-...hey, it could’ve been Ace!” Tendorel shot back at him, his face shocked at the accusation.

“Ace is surprisingly not dumb enough to keep in contact with the enemy!” Dweit shot a look at Denarye after looking towards Tendorel accusingly.

At this, Tendorel’s ears popped up. He then looked away, coughing. Denarye, to his credit, was not shaken in the least. “So...what, maybe after a drink or two, I-”

“How could you do that to me, Tendorel?!” Dweit exclaimed, letting go of the demon hunter’s grip and grasping in the air in front of Tendorel, hoping his arms would suddenly grow long enough to strangle his warrior companion.

“I...look, I’m sorry. It was late, we were...enjoying each other’s company....I can’t keep my mouth shut when I’m looking into those eyes.”

“CAN YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST-?” Dweit was interrupted by the hand firmly grasping his throat for a moment.

Denarye let out a small cough. Even he was getting a little embarrassed. “Be that as it may, we have what we need from you.”

“Thaaaaat’s right, babe.” Holly smirked, sauntering over to Dweit with a gleam in her eyes. “And all I need ta do is get it outta Mamma Dweit...after I kill you, of course.”

Dweit’s expression darkened as he closed his eyes. So this is how it was going to end? Being choked to death for the insurance money by his ex-wife’s new boyfriend who just slept with his bodyguard?

A solid 8 out of 10 on predictability.

"Is there a problem here, friends?”

Dweit opened his eyes. Oh, good, saved by an archmage.

“Oh, come on. Leave us alone, this is Horde business.”

“Oh, for....” The archmage’s expression turned to frustration rather quickly. “I am a blood elf! I’m a part of the Horde!” He seemed very upset about this. “Look, see? See my green eyes?”

“No.”

“They’re not bad.”

“Keep it in your pants, Tender.”

The archmage sighed and pointed his staff at the demon hunter. “Regardless, we are under constant surveillance by the Council of Six. Though Lady Jaina is not with them anymore, they will not hesitate to kick the Horde out of the city. And I don’t think I need to remind you about your obligations being a figurehead for the Illidari, Denarye.”

The demon hunter grimaced. “Hmph...of course not, Archmage Sotoris.” With that, he loosened the grip and allowed the goblin to fall face-first on the ground.

Holly, meanwhile, was growling, her grip on the axe tightening. She turned around and began to step towards the mage. “I have been waitin’.....for so long for this moment, you pencil-pushin’ thin-skinned, pretty-boy magic-fellatin’-”

Tendorel walked over to Dweit and helped his boss up from the ground. “Hey, uh....sorry for that.”

Dweit smacked the warrior’s hand away after getting up, rubbing his throat. “Eh...whatever...”

Nodding, Tendorel looked over. Holly was still at it, stomping very slowly towards the mage as her expletives began to gain more bite. Sotoris, for his part, was only stepping back with the same rhythm as she stepped forward, though sweat slowly began to form on his forehead.

“Is she always like that?” Tendorel asked.

“Yeup.”

“Yes.”

Denarye looked toward Holly. Through his special vision, it felt almost like she was being enveloped by a seething cloud of anger. It seemed nigh-demonic but he knew all too well that it was not.

“...-robe-wearin-probably-with-nothin-under-like-some-sorta-freak, book-nerdin’, staff-holdin’-”

“Lady Holly. It is time we depart.”

Holly’s intensity shot a quick glare towards Denarye, her eyes looking like they could bring even the greatest of monsters down with just sheer fear. But to Denarye, it was nothing. And after a moment, Holly’s expression shifted to an annoyed grin.

“Wellllll, fine. I guess Dweit can live fer now.” She moved her axe onto her back and smiled at the poor goblin. “Though if you follow me an’ I see you, you’re going to be cut up into so many pieces that a sapper will be jealous, capisce?”

Dweit glared at her, but said nothing. Satisfied with that, Holly and Denarye took their leave, Holly grinning all the way through.

Tendorel sighed, putting his weapon onto his belt and his shield on his back. He looked over at Dweit. “I am sorry”, he repeated.

Dweit shrugged. “It’s fine, I get it.” After a moment, he looked over to Sotoris. “Thank you for your help, Archmage.”

“Ah.” Sotoris coughed, wiping off the sweat that formed on his head. “It was nothing, really. I did not want the work done by those adventurers to be undermined. The fact that an Alliance hero was the one who suggested the Horde return with Archmage Khadgar was the only reason the council budged on the issue. I...didn’t want that to be squandered, of course, and-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Dweit waved at the mage. “Thank you again, so...scram, will ya?”

Sotoris winced at this, then sighed. “You’re welcome.” With a swing of his staff, he disappeared.

A few moments after the encounter, the bustle of the inn began in earnest once again. It was then that Ace walked in, holding a giant backpack of scrolls and inkwells. She looked pleased with herself as she plopped them down onto the table and sat down. “Ah...there we are.”

She looked over to her friends and noticed that they looked a lot worse for wear than before.

“...did I miss something?”

Dweit sighed, rubbing his hands into his brow. Tendorel, meanwhile, was nervously looking away, a shade of blush on his face.

“..................they know it’s Mamma Dweit, don’t th-”

“YES.” Dweit yelled out in frustration, taking the moment to punch Tendorel in the arm.

Tendorel frowned.

Ace looked at the two of them, then sighed with a bit of frustration. “Then we need to go to Gadgetzan. How fun. I really was hoping we could avoid that city...

Espeically after last Winter Veil.”

---

“So now it was time for us to head to Gadgetzan an-”

“Vait, vait...”

Dweit growled. “Oh, what is it now?”

“Vhat happened last Vinter Veil?”

“If I tell you about that, it’s going to take a little bit of time. You sure?”

“Oh, Mr. Dveit. I azzhure you, ve have all zhe time in zhe vorld.” The disfigured goblin smiled.

TO BE CONTINUED