gothambatsnews

[gothambatsnews]

I would love to see Damian or tim on the show!

We’ll see what we can do to drag Tim out of his room (he received the latest version of Mage the Ascension recently and he’s been reading the rule book for days). As for Damian, we’ll see if we can lure him here with oxblood soup!

- Dick -

(Also to the anon with the actual voiced podcast, sorry, we just type it all out :/ )On a side note Mod Else finished her competitive exam so that means more time to update the blog \o/

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast 7: Clubs, Relationships, and Jason Todd]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are three taps of the mic before Stephanie clears her throat.]

[Stephanie:] “Goooood afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Spoiler Alert Podcast, your weekly dose of tea and drama from Gotham High. I am your host, Stephanie Brown! Joining me today, we have-”

[Jason:] “Me! The one and only, Jason Todd. Wink.”

[Stephanie:] “...Did you really just say ‘wink’?”

[Dick:] “I cringed. I cringed so badly.”

[Jason:] “Shut the fuck up.”

[Dick:] “Make m-”

[Stephanie:] “OKAY! Hahah, can we get on with it? Thank you. So yes, joining me is Jason Todd and Dick Grayson.”

[Jason:] “Yo.”

[Dick:] “Hey!”

[Stephanie:] “And today, actually, this episode will be centered around an ask we got from an anonymous, sent from our Tumblr inbox. Thanks Anon!”

[Jason:] “And this anon actually wanted me to appear much more frequently and even though I absolutely, 100% annoy your usual hosts-”

[Stephanie:] “YEP.”

[Dick:] [at the same time with Stephanie] “You’re not wrong.”

[Jason:] “-I’ll try to be a more frequent guest.”

[Stephanie:] “He winked by the way. There’s no camera, dumbass, they can’t hear you.”

[Jason:] “Ah. I see this is already a lost cause.”

[Dick:] “Thanks, Jay. Really.”

[Stephanie:] “Riiight. So, Anonymous asked, ‘What clubs are the Wayne kids in? Tim’s in Paranormal, Jason’s in Drama, what else? What about Cassandra and Damian? And Babs?’ Heh, I love how they didn’t mention Dick.”

[Jason snickers.]

[Dick:] “It’s okay, I’ll cry about it later.”

[Stephanie:] “Also, ‘Who’s dating who in the zoo and what do they identify as?’ We will cover moooooost of what the ask.. Erm, asks us about.”

[Dick:] “We actually asked them the question Anon’s ask was talking about. So these papers-” [sound of papers wiggling] “Have most of our answers.”

[Stephanie:] “Yep!”

[Jason:] “Starting off with Tim then? Since his name was the first to be mentioned? Tim’s answer: ‘Hey, Anon. Thanks for the question. I’m the captain of the Decathlon team, we actually have a match coming up next week at Brentwood Academy, so please make sure to support us.’ You know, if I would have known his answer would literally just be an entire half page of advertisement for his clubs, I would done the same.”

[Dick:] “No one wants to hear you go off about your Drama club, Jason.”

[Jason:] “It’s in the notes! THE NOTES!” [sound of papers shuffling] “And the ask! Anon asked!! And I shall give!”

[Dick:] “You LITERALLY go on and on and on and on-”

[Stephanie:] “And ooon and ooon and ooon-”

[Dick:] “And on about it for hours when you get the chance.”

[Jason:] “Speak for yourself, bitch, you do the same thing when someone asks you about Babs.”

[Stephanie:] “You know, I’m really gonna have to put ‘beep’s on future eps on top of every curse word you say, Jay.”

[Jason:] “Oh, so right now won’t count?”

[Stephanie:] “Wait no, THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

[Jason:] [Taking a deep breath] “FUC-” [His mic gets turned off.]

[Stephanie:] “Can we continue? Please?”

[Jason:] [Heard by Dick’s mic.] “I was kidding, it was a prank, please put my mic back on.”

[Stephanie:] “If you try to do that again, I’m kicking you out of this podcast forever.”

[There’s a click sound.]

[Jason:] [Clearer, back on his mic] “Whatever, fine.”

[Dick:] “...Are you both done yet?”

[Stephanie:] [Sighs.] “Yes.”

[Dick:] “I’m gonna keep going. Tim’s also part of Band during school hours, he plays clarinet. But during after school, he’s in Symphony Orchestra with Cassandra, who plays violin. Jason, isn’t he also in the Robotics club with you?”

[Jason:] “Yeah, we’ve been working on a robot together for next month’s tournament. We’re certain Jay Jr. can win the trophy.”

[Stephanie:] “You called your robot ‘Jay Jr’?”

[Jason:] “It’s better than TD-1020. He was going for more Star Wars.”

[Dick:] “TD-1020?”

[Jason:] “TD for Tim Drake and 1020 ‘cause there’s 26 letters in the alphabet and he put my name as numbers.”

[Dick:] “Okay, but that’s cool.”

[Jason:] “I like Jay Jr better. But I’m also in the Debate team. I like to yell and tell people that they’re wrong.”

[Stephanie:] “Ah yes, you do that really well.”

[Jason:] “Right? Who’s next?”

[Stephanie:] “Damian. He’s in a lot of clubs, actually, but sometimes he hangs out in some clubs for the hell of it. Like Journalism. Dick’s in there too.”

[Dick:] “Not that the Anon cares, or anything.”

[Jason:] “Dick, could you get any more salty?”

[Stephanie snickers.]

[Dick:] “Nah, I can’t. That’s your specialty.”

[Jason:] “Yeah, but like, today it’s like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and stepped on a wet puddle with your sock.”

[Dick:] “...THEY CANCELLED MY DRAMA, OKAY?” [Despair.]

[Stephanie:] “Aaand there it is.”

[Dick:] “WE WERE SO CLOSE. SO SO CLOSE. BENDITA WAS GONNA CHOOSE ROGELIO, I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU GUYS SAY-”

[Jason:] “Oh my god, yeah, we know. We know, you tell us about it every time.”

[Stephanie:] “You know, you never really say what drama it is.”

[Jason:] “Steph, please don’t-”

[Dick:] “IT’S FROM-” [his mic gets turned off, but he can till be heard to the side, picked up by Jason’s mic.]

[Jason:] “This is why we don’t ask Dick why he’s not okay most of the time. Can we keep going? Please? Before I hit him with his own mic?”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah. Damian. But the clubs he’s actually in is the Art Club, Astronomy, Sword Fighting, and sometimes he sneaks into Cooking Club, which I’m actually part of.”

[Jason:] “The best part is, he doesn’t even go here. They accepted him into several clubs. I think he scares them.”

[Dick’s still being heard ranting about his drama in the background, but it’s not actually intelligible when Stephanie and Jason talk over him.]

[Stephanie:] “I thought he hacked his way into the system and put his name into the roster?”

[Jason:] “That was at first, yeah. But you know, every time they tried to change the system and take him out, he’s always getting back in.”

[Stephanie:] “So they gave in and gave the brat what he wanted, huh.”

[Jason:] “Careful, he might hear you.”

[Stephanie:] “GOOD. LET HIM. HE STOLE MY LUNCH.”

[Jason:] “Waffles, again?”

[Stephanie:] “As if I eat anything else.”

[Jason:] “Should we add Dick back?”

[Dick’s just sobbing in the background now.]

[Stephanie:] “Give him a few seconds.” [She sounds farther from the mic.] “Here Dick, take a tissue.”

[Dick:] [Sounds farther too] “I just want them both to be happy.”

[Stephanie:] “I know, Dick.”

[Dick:] “And get married and give Bendita the best wedding.”

[Stephanie:] “I know, Dick. Pull yourself together, we’re on air right now.”

[Dick:] “Okay.”

[A click can be heard.]

[Stephanie:] “Dick’s back.”

[Dick:] [sniffles] “Hey.”

[Jason:] “...Are you good, dude?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, yeah. Where’d you guys leave off?”

[Stephanie:] “We left off with Damian. We were gonna do Babs next.”

[Dick:] “Right, okay. So she’s not in many clubs. She’s in the Writing club and the Programming club, but she’s saying that next year they probably won’t have a Programming club next year. There’s not many people that join anymore.”

[Jason:] “We’ve got lovely listeners here. You don’t have to be tech savvy to learn how to program, right?”

[Dick:] “Nope. She helps people who don’t really know what they’re doing. It’s for everyone to learn. And it’s not too late to join!”

[Stephanie:] “Moving on. We’ve got Cass. Ah! She’s in the orchestra as first chair violin!” [She sounds chirpy.] “And she’s doing so well! She’s also in cross country, but I think it’s more fun to watch her in ballet when she performs. She looks so so pretty.”

[Some silence from the boys.]

[Jason:] “Stephanie, are you dating Cass?”

[A beat of silence.]

[Stephanie:] “Nonsense. She’s my best friend!”

[Dick:] “Uhh, Stephanie? You hesitated.”

[Jason:] “Holy shit, you’re dating Cassandra.”

[Stephanie:] “I’m not dating anyone! You can’t prove tha!”

[Jason:] “IT’S ALL OVER YOUR FACE!”

[Stephanie:] “AREN’T YOU DATING ROY?”

[Jason:] “You’re dating Cassandra, holy shit.”

[Dick:] “I always knew something was up between you both. Even Babs had suspicions.”

[Stephanie:] “I’m not! What about Jay, he never denied he’s dating Roy!”

[Jason:] “Oh I’m not. I mean I’m bi, yeah, but Roy’s like a brother.”

[Dick:] “I thought you were hanging out with that guy from Liverpool?”

[Jason:] “John Constantine? Yeah, why? He can hold his booze pretty well, ‘course.”

[Stephanie:] “And?”

[Jason:] “‘And’ what?’

[Stephanie:] “That’s it?”

[Jason:] “Yes? Aaand that he’s fun to hang out with? What, you think I’m just gonna drop my pants for any guy cute guy or girl who comes along?”

[Some silence.]

[Dick:] “But you’re single right now right?”

[Jason:] “Yeah?”

[Stephanie:] “YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS, COME GET YA’LL JAY JUICE.”

[Dick:] “You do realize that’ll just attract the attention of that girl from his fanclub? The one that snuck in our basement twice already?”

[Jason:] “KATHY IF YOU HEAR THIS, CEASE AND DESIST OR I WILL BE FORCED TO GET A FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER I SWEAR-”

[Stephanie:] “Jason, jesus, calm down.”

[Dick:] “Yeah, besides restraining orders don’t seem to do anything to them. Remember that guy with Cass?”

[Stephanie:] “Ah. Yes. Andrew?” [Tone sounds cold.]

[Dick:] “Yeah, him.” [Sounds like he’s highly unamused]

[Jason:] “Ah right. He snuck in once and Titus almost bit his di-”

[Stephanie:] “Anywaaay…”

[Dick:] “Right, we’re getting sidetracked, again.”

[Jason:] “What about Tim? So what, is he with Cassie S. or Kon or what?”

[Stephanie:] “Jeezus, please. That’s like an entire podcast in itself, there’s so much going on with that. But right now he’s with Kon.”

[Jason:] “So what about you, Dick? If Stephanie’s in no relationship, then there’s on point in talking about her.”

[Stephanie:] “Thanks, asshole.”

[Dick:] “Uhh, Babs and I are good.”

[Stephanie:] “Awesome, that wraps it up for Dick’s relationship.

[Dick:] “Wai-”

[Jason:] “Daaaamian’s not really interested in any of this right now, honestly. I mean, he’s made new friends with a girl in his middle school.”

[Dick:] “Maps, right?”

[Stephanie:] “Cute kid. Weird name. I know she listens to the podcast. Hi Maps! Hey, when you get here next year, join Orchestra, I know you play violin. Cassandra’s a great teacher. She’s amazing and talented and-”

[Jason:] [Whispers into the mic.] “And she says she’s not dating her.”

[Stephanie:] “What’d you say?”

[Jason:] “I said you smell like vinegar.” 

[Stephanie:] [A beat of silence] “...No I don’t?”

[Dick:] “Sidetracked again, please. Plus he has Jon, but Jon’s still in elementary. But he is gonna promote to middle school, he’s so grown up now.”

[Jason:] “Please don’t cry again, seriously.”

[Stephanie:] “Oookay I think I’m just about to end this podcast, we went over our limit for today and Jason, we’re late to Drama.”

[Jason:] “Oh shit.”

[Stephanie:] “Anyways, this podcast is brought to you by the ASB, the Associated Student Body. Theeeey sell hot cocoas in the mornings because it’s cold and they care about us.”

[Dick:] “And if you ask, they put little marshmallows in there!”

[Jason:] “That and they’re gonna be selling Sadie Hawkins Dance tickets soon, so make sure to save up for that.”

[Stephanie:] “Also, we’d be more than happy to have guests for our podcast, such as Jason, just go on ahead and drop us an ask or a message, or drop little notes in our lockers to request someone, and we’ll oblige.”

[Dick:] “After all, we’re a student-made podcast, so we’ll student-give.”

[Jason:] “Nice. And to the anon that requested me-” [a kiss sound] “That’s for you.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeck.”

[Dick:] “This has been Dick Grayson-”

[Jason:] “Jason, the Glorious, Todd-”

[Stephanie:] “-AND Stephanie Brown. As always, love and sparkles.”

[End of Episode 7.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Heard in Gotham High School]

Tim: Jason, why are you always reading those old crappy classics?

Jason: Tim, the fact you call it 'crappy classics' means you don't even understand what makes a classic.

Tim: Enlighten me?

Jason: A novel is a classic not because it fits the idea of beauty of the time it was written, but because it breaks the codes! BREAKING THE RULES OF WRITING AND PRE-EXISTENT FORMS OF LITERATURE! And THEN it becomes a classic, because it merges with what people expect, redefining the public's expectations when reading something new!

Tim: ... And?

Jason: ...Big test next week.

[gothambatsnews]

Announcement

As you may know, we try to have Questions and Answers sessions on Saturdays. Don’t hesitate to hit the ask box, and we’ll include your very own questions to the next Q/A episode!

💕 Love and Sparkles! ✨

[gothambatsnews]

Announcement

As you may know, we try to have Questions and Answers sessions on Saturdays. Don’t hesitate to hit the ask box, and we’ll include your very own questions to the next Q/A episode!

💕 Love and Sparkles! ✨

[gothambatsnews]

Podcast 6: Feeling Good During Fall and Winter

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are two feminine voices in the background. The conversation fades, there are three taps on the mic.] [Stephanie:] “Hello Gotham High School and welcome to Spoiler Alert! I’m your host Stephanie Brown, and today, unfortunately, I won’t be joined by my usual co-host Dick Grayson, he’s actually too busy. Buuuut I am joined by the one and only CASSANDRA CAIN! Say hi, Cass”

[Cassandra:] “Hello, Cass.”

[Stephanie:] “Funny. So as you probably know, there’s a veeeery big game coming and our boys are training a lot these days. Thankfully I’m able to use a few minutes here to present you our podcast, but it’s quite wild for the cheerleaders too, as you may assume.”

[Cassandra:] “They’re going to Central City. Playing against the Cougars, next week. Saturday.”

[Stephanie:] “Right. That means for today, it’s a girls only show. I mean, for the hosts. Anyone can benefit the advice in this one, don’t get me wrong.”

[Cassandra:] “Everyone can feel down and suffer from lack of light and warmth in Fall and Winter. Meaning you are welcome to stay, no matter your identity.”

[Stephanie:] “Exactly. As you can suspect it, today’s topic is about Self Love and how to feel better during these dark times. Even if summer’s over, along with its refreshing watermelons, autumn’s got its own little perks. [Cassandra:] “Like Pumpkin Spice Latte.”

[Stephanie:] “Yep. Looking at you, Jason.”

[Cassandra:] “Sound of the rain? When the leaves go crack under our boots? Boots, actually.”

[Stephanie:] “Mmm.. the leaves yes. Boots shopping?”

[Cassandra:] “Just wearing boots, too. Spending time with friends. In the mall? It’s nice and warm.”

[Stephanie:] “Just staying inside where it’s cozy actually.”

[Cassandra:] “With a nice cup of tea?”

[Stephanie:] “Yes, and cocoa if tea isn’t what you like. There’s plenty of good things in Fall and Winter. Not to mention the snow and the unspeakable joy of throwing snowballs straight into people’s faces. But what to do when you’re feeling low nonetheless? Let’s get down to business an-”

[Cassandra:] [In song.] “... To de-feat the Cou-gars?”

[Stephanie:] [Chuckling] “You had to quote Disney, huh? But no, to get into the heart of the matter!”

[Cassandra:] [Sounds like she’s smiling.] “Today we picked four main things that won’t cost too much. Most of us are students and can be hard to follow advice when it’s too expensive.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, not everyone is a Wayne, sadly. But the first point may or may not involve getting some supplies, but usually you can manage without buying anything.”

[Cassandra:] “Yes! Art therapy is very popular. Creating is good for our mood. Grab a pen, some pencils, colors, yarn, whatever you have or want, and do something creative. Paint, draw, doodle, just have fun. It doesn’t have to be nice or good looking, you just have to have fun!”

[Stephanie:] “Actually, pretty sure that cooking can be included in that point. Except if your name is Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne or Tim Drake, in which case it’s just living dangerously.”

[Cassandra:] “Calling them out, Steph? They’ll get revenge. You and I know that.”

[Stephanie:] “They can bring it on, this is a free podcast! FREEDOM OF SPEECH!”

[Cassandra:] [Really laughing this time] “Heheh. That only protects your speech, not from the boys.”

[Stephanie:] “I’ll face the problem when I get to it.”

[Cassandra:] [Snorts] “But yes, cooking, especially since it’ll be good for you to eat a balanced meal.”

[Stephanie:] “Don’t just throw a snack in the microwave, or cereals in a bowl. Don’t be a Dick! Make something. Start small. Maybe a smoothie or something, if you’re uncomfortable with the stove and oven. But make it yourself. It’s less expensive, usually healthier, and way better in the long run.”

[Cassandra:] “And fulfilling!”

[Stephanie:] “And once you master the basics you can begin to improvise. Add stuff, cook with new ingredients,... Make heart-shaped waffles…” [happy sighs] “I just want to wake up some day to a tray of heart waffles covered in chocolate, maybe a rose next to the plate. Romance tip, get your significant other heart waffles.”

[Cassandra:] [With a very neutral tone] “Someday, maybe, who knows?”

[Stephanie:] “Ah, but I got distracted, my bad, my bad. Where were we….” [Shuffling paper noise] “Ah right, here. Planting something.”

[Cassandra:] “Taking care of a plant is very relaxing. Don’t know why? It helps to have a tiny bit of nature inside. Especially in Gotham. And you can grow herbs to cook. Bonus points.”

[Stephanie:] “Ok I’ll be honest, I’m terrible with plants, BUT I got a workaround.”

[Cassandra:] “You do?”

[Stephanie:] “Fake flowers. Expensive ones though, not the cheap plastic ones. I got a few ones, mostly made out of fabric, and I switch between the different sets to maintain the illusion it’s fresh flowers. If you don’t look too closely, it’s alright.”

[Cassandra:] “So the parsley I got you…?”

[Stephanie:] “The one you named Peanut? Dead, sorry. So so sorry, I didn’t want to tell you!”

[Cassandra:] “Next time I’ll just get you a scarf like everyone else.”

[Stephanie:] “PLEASE NO!!” [Silence] “I mean… I already got 12 scarves thanks to Dick and Tim and Babs and other friends, I don’t even wear a scarf most of the time.”

[Cassandra:] “Fine. Mittens it’ll be then. Which leads us to the next point, go outside. Get fresh air.”

[Stephanie:] “Get ready to go outside, too. Don’t just make two steps outside with dumb sweatpants and a lazy bun, get ready! Always get out of the house like you’d like a potential date to see you for the first time. Not all out, but pretty enough and comfortable. Put on some makeup too. Nothing much, but if you’re feeling low, there’s nothing compared to putting on some lipstick to see it bring the life back to your face.”

[Cassandra:] “I thought that was the blush powder’s job.”

[Stephanie:] “Or the blush powder, yeah. Any of those. Also for our male listeners, never underestimate the power of a good concealer. Don’t be shy and get some. It’ll cover for all your long nights spent studying. Or anything else, really.”

[Cassandra:] “I thought the makeup topic was for another week?”

[Stephanie:] “It’s never too early for concealer, Cass. Just make sure you got the right tone. Erm… Oh, right. If you don’t know what to put as clothes to get out, stick to the basics.”

[Cassandra:] “Black?? But we said..”

[Stephanie:] “No no, I know what we said, get some colors. Sooooooo… WEAR THE RED AND GOLD!!! GO BATS GO!!”

[Cassandra:] “But at this time of the year be prepared to be mistaken with a Gryffindor student.”

[Stephanie:] “What’s wrong with that?”

[Cassandra:] “Some of us prefer the other houses. Not me, obviously, but you maybe. Or the boys. Especially Damian. He really enjoys being sorted in Slytherin.”

[Stephanie:] “Ok I’ll give you that. But you got to admit that at least it’s easy to get decent clothes, you just have to gather your Gotham High School merch- Oh god, wait.”

[Cassandra:] “What?”

[Stephanie:] “We’re talking about Harry Potter and Tim isn’t ev-”

[A phone dings. There’s some noise as Steph fishes for it]

[Stephanie:] "Oh god, it's Tim." [Cassandra:] "What did he say?" [Stephanie:] "'Tell them about my Dumbledore theory.' No, I'm not gonna. Goodbye Timothy."

[Sound of her phone being placed down.] [Cassandra:]"But you know he'll try to-" [A phone dings] "Text me." [Stephanie:] "Don't do what he says!" [Cassandra:] "He's threatening. He'll come here to crash your podcast."

[Stephanie:] “Please no. Tim if you hear us, don’t. Seriously don’t.”

[Cassandra:] “He’s probably already practically here or something, Stephanie.”

[Stephanie:] “Ok let’s finish this before he comes then. The last thing you probably heard it a thousand of times, but just turn off your phone and computer, and take a bit of time to just breathe.”

[Cassandra:] “Meditation. It’s called meditation. It helps lower the heart rate, and to put things in perspective. Makes people happier too.” [Stephanie:] “It doesn’t have to be hours long, just one or two minutes are already enough. We’ll… Talk about it in depth in another podc-

[Sound of a door being slammed open. A scream on Steph’s side] 

[Tim:] "LET ME TELL THEM ABOUT MY THEORY STEPH, COME ON!"

[Cassandra:] “NO! TIM GO!”

[Stephanie:] “And that’s a topic for another tiMELOVEANDSPARKLES!!”

[End of Episode 6]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 5: Halloween party summary]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are three taps of the mic before Steph clears her throat. There’s Dick humming a bit.]

[Stephanie:] “Hello Gotham High School and welcome on Spoiler Alert! I’m your host Stephanie Brown.”

[Dick:] “And I’m your co-host, Dick Grayson! Today, we’ll tell you the events that unfolded during the 30th night of October when, of course, the Wayne Halloween party took place. This year was a bit... wild..”

[Stephanie:] “That’s an absolute understatement. But then again, every year is wild.

[Dick:] “Yeah but this year we had brand new events! Like when Tim sta-”

[Stephanie:] “No no, keep that for later. The big stuff for the end, we gotta keep our followers on the edge of their seat, right?”

[Dick:] “Right!” [The sound of glass being filled with water] “Of course, Jay put on his famous party mix, the one with all the remixes?”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, there was Baby shark metal.”

[Dick:] “Shady Bop.”

[Stephanie:] “Moskau! I’m not sure who showed him that song, but it was blasted at least three times during the party. The remix. And the original song once.”

[Dick:] “Listen at least he impressed us with the insane choreography”

[Stephanie:] “I don’t even know how he could follow, pretty sure it was at least set on 1.25 speed.”

[Dick:] “Steph, let’s be real, what song wasn’t on 1.25 speed? I mean it’s Jay”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, true, I’ll give you that. Still, it was impressive. But of course he had to play the Spooky Scary Skeleton. And Thriller”

[Dick:] “It was the right time of the year, after all. And we of course had MitchiriNeko as the opening song.”

[Stephanie:] “Just like every time.”

[Dick:] “Ok but, you gotta admit that his playlists are always really fit for parties.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure whatever ridiculous song gets played, it’s gonna be lit either way. I think I saw him crowd surfing at some point? When was it? I got the feeling it was on the remix of Cartoon Heroes?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, I was talking with him and before I could even process what was happening, he was gone. It was like he was a dead body and they were passing him along.

[Stephanie:] “Jesus, Dick.”

[Dick:] “What? It looked like it, you know? All I’m saying is, it was wild and you never know what’s gonna happen.”

[Stephanie:] [Chuckles] “Okay, I’ll give you that. It always happens anyway. But that’s… Normal, for a party where Jay is, honestly.”

[Dick:] “Yeah. Anyways Steeeeph?”

[Stephanie:] “Diiiick?”

[Dick:] “A little birdy told me you danced with Cass and Cass only?”

[Stephanie:] “WHAT? No! Who? Was it Damian? He was supposed to be asleep!!”

[Dick:] “It’s Damian, what did you expect? I saw a glimpse of the pictures and videos he gathered, and let me tell you, he got sooooo much blackmail…”

[Stephanie:] “If he says anything that he saw happen, I’m gonna personally expose him right here on air about him and Ma-”

[Dick’s phone dings.]

[Dick:] “It’s from Damian.” [Obvious he’s reading it.] “‘Not another word, Brown.’”

[Stephanie:] [Snorts] “Well then I guess we have an agreement, little birdy. Oooooh did he get the video of that girl doing the handstand?”

[Dick:] “YEAH! With John pouring the punch in her mouth at the same time? I’m pretty sure she drank like 6 cups! Everyone went insane after that!”

[Stephanie:] “I don’t recall Jay being around to see that though?”

[Dick:] “He went to the bathroom, he got so mad he missed it! But hey, he saw the video. Now he’s trying to find either John or that girl to learn how to do it. He tried with just the video, but he can’t seem to get it right. That’s probably because Roy is messing with him and changes the pace practically every five seconds”

[Stephanie:] “I saw it, like, in person when she was performing it, and just, holy shit? But yet again, the foreign students are crazy.”

[Dick:] “Let this be a lesson to never get yourself added into the Black List, otherwise you’ll miss all the good fun.”

[Stephanie:] “The foreign students look like they know each other pretty well, though?”

[Dick:] “From what I got they were together in a boarding school.”

[Stephanie:] “Didn’t someone break their arm at some point?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, the Batson boy? I think he tried the handstand but lost his balance.”

[Stephanie:] “Thankfully, that’s the only incident that happened.”

[Dick:] “Yeah, and nothing was broken this year, so that’s a plus.”

[Stephanie:] “Ah but some guys from the Black List tried to come. Andrew, who tried to hit on Kory again, and Kathy? She tried to sneak in through the garden, right?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, the self-proclaimed president of Jason’s fanclub.”

[Stephanie:] “She reaaaaaally needs to stop with that. And with the Talk, add the little trademark sign right after that. Talk™.”

[Dick:] “God the Talk™. I’m… not gonna even go into detail about that, it’s too ridiculous.”

[Stephanie:] “Damian said you were smooching with Babs in a closet?”

[Dick:] “Damian, close your eyes! And it wasn’t a closet, it was the kitchen.”

[Stephanie:] “Ooooooh kinky.”

[Dick:] “Stop wiggling your eyebrows, Steph.”

[Stephanie:] “But Bart deeeeefinitely kissed Jaime in a closet. I know because I went to get my purse and they were right there.”

[Dick:] “At least it wasn’t in one of our rooms. Not sure who, I think someone tried to hit on Bruce. I heard that this morning while coming to school”

[Stephanie:] “Someo- WHAT?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, same reaction, honestly.”

[Stephanie:] “I… Really don’t want to know.”

[Dick:] “Listen I didn’t stop to learn more about it, and I don’t plan to. Like, ever.”

[Stephanie:] “Let’s just forget that, ok?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, let’s. On the other hand… Tim.”

[Stephanie:] “Tim.”

[Dick:] “Ok so you guys probably know that Tim usually doesn’t go to parties. Like, at all.”

[Stephanie:] “Too busy with his rpg parties. You know I’ve seen him prepare the scenario once, for Vampire the Masquerade? It’s so much work, I had no idea”

[Dick:] “Yeah, there’s a lot of subplots and politics in that game, and Tim likes to make it extra difficult to challenge his players.”

[Stephanie:] “I think he took advantage of the games once to make them solve math problems for him.”

[Dick:] “Anything for that A, right?”

[Stephanie:] “Right. But, Tim. The Halloween party.”

[Dick’s phone dings again.]

[Dick:] “It’s Tim. ‘Steph, no.’”

[Stephanie:] “Steph YES!”

[Dick:] “Right. So Tim actually came to the party, which is an event in itself.”

[Stephanie:] “It surprised everyone. But that’s not the best. That’s soooo not the best.”

[Dick:] “I wouldn’t say the best but…”

[Stephanie:] “Oh come on, it was… Something.”

[Dick:] “As usual, someone spiked the punch. But this time it was really sweet, so quite deceitful. And Tim drank quite some before noticing he was getting tipsy.”

[Stephanie:] “Wasted.”

[Dick:] “... Ok, maybe more drunk than tipsy.”

[Stephanie:] “Aaaaaaaaaand…”

[Dick:] “And he kissed three persons. Including Kon, that girl from his rpg club, and someone else we couldn’t identify yet.”

[Stephanie:] “Yet. But Babs is on it, she’s trying to figure out who this is. I know she’ll find out. She will, she has to!!”

[Dick:] “What if she can’t?”

[Stephanie:] “Then my whole life would have been nothing but a lie,  and I don’t know how I’ll cope knowing that.”

[Dick:] “Poor poor Steph. But those were the main events during the party. We’ll soon answer the questions and answers, but first, we both need a break.” [Stephanie:] “Like to check on Babs, ask if she got anything.”

[Dick:] “If you keep bothering her every half hour she’ll never have anything, Steph.”

[Stephanie:] "You dare underestimate the force that is Barbara Gordon, pleb? She will! She has to! In fact, let me go check up on her right now."

[The sound of someone taking off their headphones and standing. Stephanie's voice becoming much quieter until it can't be heard.]

[Dick:] "Weeell folks. That's the end of this segment for the Wayne Halloween Party. Stay tuned because after this short break we'll be answering your questions!"

[Stephanie's voice sounds like she's far] "DIIIICK!"

[Dick:] "Oh boy."

[End of Ep.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 4: Q/A 2.0]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There’s a yawn on Stephanie’s side.]

[Stephanie:] “Good-morning students and lovely listeners. It is currently…”

[Dick:] “Around 10 am.”

[Stephanie:] “Yes. Around that. As you can tell, we sound mighty tired.”

[Dick:] “That’s because we did not sleep. At all.”

[Stephanie:] “Eehh yep. We’re still in Arkham Asylum, waiting for breakfast to heat up and well, why not do a podcast for ten minutes while we wait?”

[Dick:] “An excellent idea, absolutely.”

[Stephanie:] “So, erm, after the end of the last one, we immediately went to the solarium and-”

[Dick:] “Wait no, Steph don’t continue, there’s a question for that.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh, right right. So anyways, like Dick said earlier, we didn’t sleep at all. Weeee stayed up all night doing whatever.”

[Jason:] [In the background] “We partied like there’s no tomorrow.”

[Damian:] [Next to Dick] “That’s what you always do, Todd.”

[Jason:] “I came here for a good time, not a long time, Damian.”

[Stephanie:] “Okay. Shut up. Where was I? Right, we uhh. We stayed up, played some games too. At some point there was… booze involved?”

[Dick:] “I mean with Jason here, there’s always gonna be booze involved.”

[Jason’s victory whoop can be heard.]

[Stephanie:] “Okay but playing hide-and-clap with booze was pretty fricken hilarious.”

[Dick:] “We lost Tim three times. Three.”

[Damian:] “At least Drake can find his way back on its own, unlike Todd and you.”

[Dick:] “Don’t expose me on air, Damian!”

[Stephanie:] [Trying to do an imitation of Damian] “Too late, Grayson.”

[Tim:] [Closeby] “That was bad.”

[Stephanie:] “I know. But let’s continue. We haaave some of this week’s questions right here.” [a second of silence] “I’m wavin’ my phone, it’s in here. Dick’s got his phone too, he’s waving it-”

[Dick:] “I am.”

[Stephanie:] “He has it there. We’re ready to rock and roll. Will you do the honors, Dick?”

[Dick:] “Question one comes from an anonymous listener. ‘Is the Wayne Manor haunted?’”

[Literally everyone at the same time, but Stephanie and Dick’s voices are more prominent:] “Yes.”

[Dick:] “‘And if so, do you have any experiences you wanna tell us?’”

[Stephanie:] “What a fun question. But yes, the manor is haunted and even I don’t live there, but I have a couple experiences.”

[Dick:] “Care to tell us one?”

[Stephanie:] “I was having a sleepover with Cassandra, who’s actually here with us today. She’s just quiet. Say ‘hey’ Cass.”

[Cassandra, quietly in the back:] “Hi.”

[Stephanie:] “Heh. So yeah, sleepover. And it was like three am in the morning and I wanted to get some hot cocoa for the two of us when I was walking down the hallway and saw a figure walk out of an open room. And it was dark, so I thought it was one of you guys, but when I kept walking closer, the figure turned out to be a little girl wearing a white dress.”

[Dick:] “I don’t recall ever seeing a girl in a white dress? Much less see any of that in paintings around the manor?”

[Stephanie:] “I know, that’s what I was thinking!”

[Dick:] “So then what did you do?”

[Stephanie:] ”I kept walking.”

[Dick:] “You kept walking?”

[Stephanie:] “I mean, I wanted my hot cocoa, Dick. I kept walking and I didn’t turn around and I thought to myself ‘if this girl’s gonna follow and kill me, can she at least have the decency to make sure I don’t die in a dumb pose?’”

[Dick:] “Oh my god, Steph!”

[Stephanie:] “I don’t want the cops to take photos with my face like-” [A beat of silence. Dick snorts.] “-that, you know?”

[Dick:] “Fair enough, I suppose.” [He chuckles] “But I still don’t understand the little girl?”

[Unintelligible sound coming from Damian.]

[Stephanie:] “What?”

[Damian:] [Closer and easier to understand.] “I said, what if the little girl was just Drake coming out for another mug of his coffee.”

[Laughter coming from Jason.]

[Tim:] [To the side] “Funny, real funny.”

[Stephanie:] “What about the dress then? There was a white dress.”

[Damian:] ”Maybe he had his bathrobe. It’s a white one. Drake wears weird clothing when staying home anyway.”

[Stephanie laughs.]

[Dick:] “Did the girl say anything?”

[Stephanie:] “She was looking for ‘Mommy.’”

[Everyone else:] “That’s Tim.”

[More laughter from Stephanie. It sounds like she’s turned away from the mic.]

[Tim:] “You won’t be laughing when I’ve poisoned your coffee.”

[Jason:] “Please do.”

[Dick:] “Anyone else? Experiences?”

[Jason:] “I know there’s a cool ghost chillin in the library. I call him Carl. He says hi when I read there for more than two hours.”

[Damian:] “That’s Father’s great-uncle, Graham.”

[Jason:] “Whatever, he looks like a Carl to me.”

[Cassandra:] [Quietly next to Stephanie:] “Ghost cat.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh right.”

[Dick:] “There’s a ghost cat? How come I never saw that one?”

[Damian:] “You’re obviously always way too busy texting the Gordon girl.”

[Cassandra:] “Can feel her sometimes brush on your leg.”

[Stephanie:] “Ooh. Have you felt her?”

[Cassandra:] “Yes. I call her Minnie.”

[Damian:] “That’s great-grandmother’s. She’s actually a ‘he’ and his name’s Licorice.”

[Jason:] “What’s up with this family and food names, I swear.”

[Damian:] “I name all my pets with actual names. Blame Grayson. He’s the one who called the turtle ‘Nugget’.”

[Dick:] “Hey, no one stopped me!”

[Stephanie:] “Next question! We’re getting too off-topic, remind me never to have you all together in one episode again. We all know how this is gonna go down.”

[Damian and Jason:] “Death.”

[Dick:] “We already talked about it, and the answer is no. Now, the second question.”

[Stephanie:] “Question deux from a ‘@simphyun’. Oh my god, ya’ll are really putting your handles on the name portion?”

[Dick:] “Smart, smart.”

[Stephanie:] “‘What’s a hotspot for a spooky date? Not really haunted or anything, and not the cemetery?’”

[Jason:] “Oh, I know.”

[Dick:] “You don’t date.”

[Jason:] “Doesn’t mean I don’t know where the best spots are. So, there’s this hill next to the cemetery. It’s not in the cemetery, it’s a bit more further, but it’s like a popular make-out point spot. Complete with a spooky tree too.”

[Dick:] “That’s the best spot?”

[Jason:] “You got a better one?”

[Dick:] “The roofs?”

[Jason:] “That’s not spooky. The only one who’d get scared here is you.”

[Stephanie:] “Ok, there’s another question anyway. ‘Did you guys find anything, ghosts, spectres, while in Arkham?’ by @MucousMembrane.”

[Dick:] “Ah, as a matter of fact, we did.”

[Cassandra:] [In the background] “Tim?”

[Tim:] [Rushing closer to the mic.] “I got evidence! Audio evidence!”

[Stephanie:] “Oh boy.” [A bit of shuffling on her side.]

[Tim:] “Here! I had a spirit box session in the solarium.”

[Jason:] “He watches one season of Buzzfeed Unsolved and suddenly he’s a ghostbuster.”

[Tim:] “Sh!”

[He plays the recording. There’s just some static sound before Tim’s voice can be heard:] “Is there anyone here with us?”

[Two seconds of silence before an unintelligible sound coming from the box is heard.]

[Tim:] “See? Evidence! It said ‘the’.”

[Jason:] [Talking nearby] “It just sounds like a fart, Tim.”

[Tim:] “You’re a fart.”

[Dick:] “Jay, don’t stab him.”

[Stephanie:] “Tim. Tim, we heard literally nothing but static.”

[Tim:] “That’s not static! It’s very clear, why can’t you guys pay more attention?”

[Dick:] “We are and well… Tim that’s not very convincing.”

[Stephanie:] “Anywaaayy, for those who were with us last episode, we were excited to go into the solarium because of a secret room that may or may not exist. Aaaand it did!” [She sounds excited] “Aaaaand we found a ritual chamber! For a satanic cult! WE DID IT!” [Sudden noise, like someone got up]

[Dick:] “And she’s dancing.” [He snorts] “We had a picnic on the altar.”

[Stephanie:] “And we used the ouija board Jason got us, of course.”

[Dick:] “Nothing happened.”

[Stephanie:] “Sadly.” [Sound of someone sitting back down.] “But it was still fun!”

[Dick:] “I think breakfast is about to be done heating up soon. We have one more question. From an anonymous, ‘what’s the best/worst pick up line you’ve heard? Halloween version, if there are any.’”

[Cassandra:] [Quietly, she sounds far] “I got one.”

[Stephanie:] “You do? C’mere.” [A second or two of silence.]

[Cassandra:] “Are you a ghost, Steph?”

[Stephanie:] “Me?”

[Cassandra:] “Because you’re boo-tiful.”

[Stephanie:] “Cass!”

[Dick:] “Oh my god that was the cutest thing ever.”

[Jason:] [Far from the mic] “Cassandra, you’re as sweet as candy, I can just eat you up.”

[Stephanie:] “Hey! Find someone else to practice your pick up lines!”

[Damian:] [To the side] “Grayson, are you writing these down?”

[Dick:] “What? No? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

[Tim:] [Next to Dick] “I like you a skele-ton.”

[Stephanie:] “You’re a total zom-bae.”

[Jason:] [Closer to the mic] “Won’t you be-” [To the tune of Alicia Keys and Usher’s “My Boo”] “-my boo?”

[Stephanie:] “That was terrible.”

[Jason:] “You’re terrible.”

[Damian:] “Grayson, you ARE writing these down!”

[Dick:] “No I’m not!”

[Tim:] “Oh my god he’s gonna tell those to Babs.”

[Stephanie:] “That’s not even a question.”

[Cassandra:] “If you were a monster, you’d be Franken-fine.”

[Jason:] “Just slay me already, Cass.”

[Stephanie:] “You are! He wrote it down!”

[Dick:] “Let me live!”

[Tim:] “You know she’s probably listening to the podcast.”

[Dick:] “I…” [sigh]

[A phone chimes.]

[Stephanie:] “It’s Babs on the chat. She says you’re a dork.”

[Jason:] “You’re a dork!”

[Dick:] “Thaaaaat’s all we have for you this morning, folks. Please? Can we spare what’s left of my dignity?”

[Stephanie:] [Snorts] “You never had any to begin with.”

[Dick:] “Funny. Tune in on Thursday where we’ll cover the events that will unfold during the Wayne Halloween party the night before!”

[Stephanie:] “And keep the questions rolling!”

[Dick:] “This podcast, along with last night’s podcast, was brought to you by Gotham High’s very own Paranormal Club.”

[Stephanie:] “Again, a very very big thank you to the Paranormal Club. Thank you for letting us use your equipment and helping us with the research. As always, love and-”

[Jason:] [Screaming, he sounds far away] “Sparkles!”

[End of Episode 4.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 3: Haunted Hot Spots]

TW: Mentions of suicide. Please read at your own risk.

[“Spoiler Alert!” theme song plays, there’s some side conversation that fades in.]

[Stephanie:] “...So then what was I supposed to do, stand there? Come on, you and I both know that’s bullsh-”

[Dick:] [Clears his throat.] “Steph? We’re on.”

[Stephanie:] “Huh? Oh, right right, sorry. Hello Gotham High School! I'm your host, Stephanie Brown and you're listening to Spoiler Alert! I’m here today - well actually tonight, with my co-host Dick Grayson. Hey Dick!”

[Dick:] “Hi Steph!” [It sounds obvious he’s smiling.] “What do we have in store for our lovely listeners, babe?”

[Stephanie:] [Snorts.] “Are you flirting with me?”

[Dick:] “Wouldn’t you like that, huh?”

[Stephanie:] [Gagging noises] “Gross. Babs, do you hear him? Anyways, tonight, we actually have a special episode because we’ll be talking about the three most haunted spots here in our very own Gotham City as a little celebration for Halloween month.”

[Dick:] “Ah yes! Sit tight, grab your little teddy bears, drink your agua and we’ll get right on it. Steph, would you like to start us off?”

[Paper shuffling, screaming in the background.]

[Stephanie:] “Don’t mind that, that’s just Damian and Tim having fun. But I would gladly start us off. So the first one on our list is Sionis Steel Mill. By the way, in no way are we telling you guys to go to these places, they are dangerous.”

[Dick:] “And very off-limits. Please don’t break the law.”

[Stephanie:] “Also a trigger warning for you guys. There are gonna be mentions of suicide in this episode, so if you don’t wanna hear any of them, I’d advise you to stop. So the steel mill was a factory located in the South Bank of Gotham. Had loading docks, it was surrounded by water and you could get there by a bridge. It ran in 1879 and employed lots of people.”

[Dick:] “So you could say it was lively, it had plenty of employees to keep it running. Was it successful?”

[Stephanie:] “Yes, it was.”

[Dick:] “So then why was it shut down? I mean, yeah of course we all know why, it was a spooky story told from elementary school, but for those who don’t know the story? Could you say what happened?”

[Stephanie:] “Of course. So from 1879, it was up and running and it was doing well up until in 1986 when the infamous Sionis Incident occurred. On a fine Gotham sunny day- which honestly isn’t saying much- there was a school who had their field trip there. And while they were given the tour of the place, five students decided they wanted to sneak away from the group. They thought the place would be fun to explore, but it wasn’t until they snuck into the boiling room. One of the boys fell into the big tub with the melted metal, pretty sure there’s a name for that, and died. There were horrible screams, leading the others to panic as they couldn’t save him.”

[Dick:] “Jeez. So then what? Did they call for help or something?”

[Steph:] “Sources say they were trying to find their way back to the group, but then they got lost. At some point, they were found dead in the cooling systems of the mill. This tragic accident forced Sionis to shut down his steel mill, being sued by the parents. He lost all his money with that, and some say he committed suicide in his office.”

[Dick:] “Apparently he’s haunting the place too, like as a kind of protector? Trying to prevent more deaths, though, not really successful. There’s 37 or 38 disappearances reported since the mill had been closed, depending on the sources. But he’s not the dangerous one, obviously. It has been said that the group of teenagers appear to separate people.”

[Stephanie:] “Oooh right right. It’s said that they look really friendly, but all they do is to try to lure people to their inevitable deaths.”

[Dick:] “There shouldn’t be any worry, actually, as Sionis, before dying, nailed the boiling and cooling parts shut, but… well, up to 38 disappearances, like Dick said. It’s not something you can take lightly”

[Stephanie:] “But according to our sources, several people who made it out alive say that you can tell when it’s them. They’re way too friendly, and they usually appear at the same time as the engines start … Well, the sound of the engines starting.”

[Dick:] “And when the teenagers appear, they always appear as the boys who want to show you what they found or the girls needing help to move something. But it’s always the same, to death.”

[Stephanie:] “So this is a warning to you guys, we don’t know whether or not it’s true, but we advise against visiting the place. We don’t need anymore people disappearing. What’s next on the list, Dick?”

[Dick:] “The second most haunted spot in Gotham is…” [Drums his fingers near the mic] “... THE SUTHERLAND MANSION!”

[Stephanie:] [Whispers screams and lightly applauds] “Ahh, ooohhh, spooky. Tell me, what makes it so haunted?”

[Dick:] “Well, you know, it’s that colonial style house in Old Gotham. It’s quite far from the center, so you can’t take the trolley to go there, you either have to walk or take a taxi. But it’s 200 years old, and it has a history quite tragic.”

[Stephanie:] “Then again, all the haunted spots have a tragic history. I don’t think there’s anything you can think up of that has a happy ending, now is there?”

[Dick:] “...No. You’re right.. Wait, what about- Ah, no, nevermind. There was the kid and-”

[Stephanie:] [Snorts] “You thought about the house with the ghost dog, didn’t you?”

[Dick:] “I did, listen I have yet to encounter the ghost dog. I really wanna see a ghost good boy.”

[Stephanie:] [laughs] “Don’t we all. Anyways, Matthew, married his wife Emily and they were very well off. Matthew’s father owned a mining company that was passed down to him when his father died. The house was finished in 1803 and they moved in around the same time Emily gave birth to their first kid, Loraine. Must be nice.”

[Dick:] “What, having a kid?”

[Stephanie:] “No, being better off. I, too, would like something to be handed down and I would become instantly rich. That or I get a nice farm in a far off island.”

[Dick:] [Chuckles] “A surprise grandfather gifting it to you when he dies?”

[Stephanie:] “Exactly!”

[Dick:] “Heh. Anyway, two years later, she gave birth to John, their baby boy, but he dies two months later because of an illness and Emily, out of grief, later kills herself by hanging.”

[Stephanie:] “So much for a happy life” [There’s an obnoxious noise of a candy wrapper being opened]

[Dick:] “Steph, we’re on air!”

[Stephanie:] “And I’m hungry! The students can understand that, can’t they?”

[Dick:] “Okay but we’re in the middle of a sad, tragic story and is that really the appropriate time to eat M&Ms?”

[Stephanie:] “...No. Sorry.” [Candy wrapper noises.] “Okay, there, put away, please, continue. So then what happened to uhhh, what’s his name? Matthew? And Loraine?

[Dick:] “Well, Matthew turned to alcohol to cope. He hired two nannies to take care of Loraine. Apparently though, they abused her because, well, if your employer’s too busy to pay attention to whatever you do and you’re still getting paid, stuff’s gonna go down, right?” [Stephanie:] “Right. Sheesh, and they just abuse her? He didn’t know?”

[Dick:] “I would assume not. Because Loraine actually ends up killing them at age 13. And a few years later, she disappears entirely. And her father wouldn’t find her body until three months later in a well. Finding himself alone, with everyone he cared for and loved dead, Matthew shoots himself on the head with a gun.”

[Stephanie:] “Jeez… I got a question. How do we know about the nannies abusing Loraine?”

[Dick:] “We actually have several journals left both by Loraine, and by a friend of the family, talking about the nannies and the tragedies the family encountered. That and how the mining company failed when Matthew turned to alcohol.”

[Stephanie:] [Candy wrapping noises] “Hmm, ok. So I got the list of the most important phenomenons here… Let me check...” [paper shuffling noises] “Here. And don’t say anything, we’re not in the middle of death and stuff anymore, can I just have my M&Ms?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, yeah. Sharing is caring, Steph.” [More wrapper crinkly noises] “Thaaank you. What do we have today, chief?” [Sound of candy being bitten]

[Stephanie:] [Snorts] “What’s this, an ASMR now? But.. Yeah, right. Let’s start with Matthew. Last to leave, first to be discussed. Apparently harmless, he’s said to wander in the kitchen and the study, and he got the gunshot visible in the back of his head, thought the face apparently would be intact.”

[Dick:] “Harmless? Just wandering?”

[Stephanie:] “Like he’s lost. That or he’s welcoming. A bit sad. Next, sometimes you can see Emily’s corpse hanging where the chandelier would have been, in the main staircase. On the seventh step of the stairs, some people say they can feel something on their neck, maybe like the knot in the rope Emily used before jumping to her death.”

[Dick:] “While talking about harmless, it has been reported that the keys of the piano on the second floor can be seen playing without anyone being nearby to actually play. Emily liked to play, it has been confirmed by the letters. And John’s cries can be heard in the nursery.”

[Stephanie:] “Wasn’t he stillborn though?”

[Dick:] “No no, died of an illness. Not stillborn.”

[Stephanie:] “Can stillborn baby ghosts cry?”

[Dick:] “I don’t know. I’m not an expert, it’s more Tim’s thing.”

[Stephanie:] “Tim, who we would like to thank, he did most of the research for us with his Paranormal Investigation club. Thanks guys!”

[Dick:] “Yeah, thanks a lot!”

[Tim:] [Faint in the background] “You’re welcome!”

[Dick snorts.]

[Stephanie:] “But there aren’t only harmless manifestations. The nannies roam the halls in the second floor in search for Loraine, or pretty much anyone around 13 to kill. That being said, there’s an older Loraine that follows tall brown haired women that look like her nannies. There’s the usual voices and evil laughter every once in a while, but those the nannies are the most creepy ones, especially since they would sometimes run right through unfortunate trespassers.”

[Dick:] “Thaaaaaaat’s… Yeah. I don’t want to go there actually.”

[Stephanie:] “What? You don’t wanna hear Emily play some badass piano? So the last spot we’re gonna be talking about today is arguably the most haunted place in Gotham: Arkham Asylum.”

[Cliche organ music playing.]

[Dick:] “Is that why you had your phone nearby? You were getting ready to play that?”

[Stephanie:] “For effect! And yes, I was. It adds to the creepiness, okay?”

[Dick:] “Oh yes. I’m terrified.”

[Stephanie:] “Shut up. But yeah, Arkham Asylum. Can you feel my excitement, Dick?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, you’re shaking my hand, stop that. Folks, we’ve got a treat for you all because we’re actually broadcasting from inside the asylum! Don’t ask how we got in.”

[Stephanie:] “For that, we’d like to thank Jason. Without him, we wouldn’t be here.”

[Jason:] [In the background] “You make me sound like I’m your dad.”

[Stephanie:] “That’s cause you are, Da-”

[Jason:] [In the background] “Not another step closer, Steph.”

[Stephanie laughs.]

[Dick:] “Gross. But let’s get right on it, shall we? We don’t have much time left anyway.

[Stephanie:] “Right, yes. Let’s dive in.”

[Dick:] “The asylum was thought to be haunted since the big fire that happened in 1957.”

[Stephanie:] “A lot of inmates died, right?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, and-” [Loud shouting in the background.] “DAMIAN, STOP CHASING TIM” [Dick’s voice sounds like he’s turned away from the mic. Damian being vaguely heard in the background.] “I said no! You go back home right away if you keep doing that, let him chase ghosts.”

[A faint groan from Damian. Then, some silence]

[Stephanie:] “Yeaaaaaaaaah ok so, for the ones who don’t know about Arkham, it has four aisles, three floors and a basement. Right?”

[Dick:] “Hm? Ah, yeah, yes. Erm… The Northeast one, don’t go there. Not that it’s the most haunted or anything, but the floors are ready to collapse and we wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt. But despite our best advice to NOT go, some of you will… like how we’re here… We’re not the best role models. But just don’t go in the Northeast aisle, seriously.”

[Stephanie:] “The fire occurred in the Southeast aisle, where smoke can still be smelled. You can also often hear the screams of the trapped inmates.”

[Dick:] “There are several places in the asylum where an architect can be seen, angry and carrying an axe, he’s kinda hostile. And when it isn’t him, it’s the worker, beheaded by him, who tries to warn the visitors. The worker also doesn’t have his hands anymore, so that’s another characteristic. Those two are from the time the asylum was built, around 1900.”

[Stephanie:] “Amadeus Arkham built it for his mother, Elizabeth? That’s what Tim said. She’s thought to haunt the library, in the recreational area. According to some sources, Amadeus ends up killing her, while others say she died from an illness.”

[Dick:] “Arkham is said to be most haunted because unlike the last two we mentioned, this place actually spikes up in activity in the month of October. We’ve already got some audio recordings of screams you can hear here as well as footsteps.”

[Stephanie:] “Which we will post on our Twitter. Give us a follow, @spoileralert.”

[Dick:] “Continuing on. The recreational area is in the Northwest aisle with the kitchen and dining room. Not much to see there but it’s the fastest way to the Solarium” [There’s neon and glitter in his voice when he says ‘solarium’]

[Stephanie:] “YESS! That’s where we’ll go as soon as we’ll be done with this podcast because, let me tell you, lovely listeners, it’s been said that there’s a super secret room under the solarium.”

[Tim] [In the background:] “I could go with Jay and Damian while you finish and-”

[Dick:] “NO! We’re all in this together, Steph and I wanna be there for when it’ll be discovered!”

[Tim:] “Ok ok fine, sheeeeesh.”

[Dick:] “We have no real idea what’s in there, but several documents Tim found indicate a mysterious sect in the asylum, so maybe their headquarters?”

[Stephanie:] “Or a ritual chamber! Maybe they worshipped Outer Gods!”

[Dick:] “Steph, it isn’t Lovecraft, despite what Tim says, Cthulhu doesn’t exist.”

[Tim:] “Actually, Cthulhu isn’t an Outer God but a Great Old One. Just sayin’.”

[Dick:] “Not the point, Tim. But Steph, I highly doubt it’ll be that exciting.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh don’t be a party killer like your father.”

[Dick:] “I’M NOT LIKE-” [Deep breath to calm down.] “Erm. Sorry. Anyway. I think that’s all we had to say about Arkham Asylum for now?”

[Stephanie:] “Yep. We’re also gonna be doing a seance in the secret room if it ever turns out that I was right about the ritual chamber.”

[Dick:] “Oooor if it ever exists.”

[Stephanie:] “If it doesn’t, we’ll just do a seance somewhere else.”

[Damian behind:] “On Drake’s dead body.”

[Tim:] [On the side.] “I’m finally gonna die??”

[Dick:] “NO STOP THAT. No one’s gonna die!”

[Damian:] “Tt.”

[Stephanie:] “I guess that’s all we have for you today. Tonight. Whatever. Any last words?”

[There’s a bit of shuffling with the mic on Dick’s side.] [Jason:] “Yeah, go follow my instagram, my handle is @jaybirdtodd. Like my recent picture, fam.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh my god.”

[Dick:] “Is that the one of you shirtless?”

[Jason:] [At the back.] “Abso-fuckin-lutely.” [Sound of fingers snapping. Most likely finger guns.]

[Stephanie:] “Okay we’ll cut here. This has been Stephanie Brown.

[Dick:] “And Dick Grayson. Featuring Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, and Jason Todd. As always-”

[Stephanie:] “Love and sparkles.”

[End of Episode 3.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 2.2: Q/A]

[Click here for Ep 2.1]

[Stephanie:] “Aaaand we’re back! Hello!”

[Dick:] “How was your break?” [chuckles]

[Stephanie:] “Very much so needed.” [clears throat] “So what’d we have to do again?”

[Dick:] “We’ve got a couple questions submitted that we need to answer.”

[Stephanie:] “Aahh, right. Let’s see…” [shuffling papers] “Here we are. Question one, ‘Hi, I'm new to the school, just barely enrolled in last month and I was wondering what the 'Infamous Chandelier Incident' was? Curious, everyone seems to know about it. Sincerely, Ellie C.’”

[Dick:] “Welcome to the school, Ellie! But I don’t think you’d want to hear about-”

[Stephanie:] “Oh, god yes. Okay, so- Dick don’t look at me like that, the listeners want to relive the moment when the glorious Infamous Chandelier Incident occurred. So, last year’s Halloween party, our favorite Dickie boy here, got a little too drunk-”

[Dick:] “I wasn’t drunk!”

[Stephanie:] “Oh right, sorry. Dick here got hammered and decided that the chandelier - right when you enter the front doors of the manor, there’s a beautiful chandelier, and that’s THE chandelier my buddy over here decided he wanted to, and I quote him on this, it’s on video, ‘swing in like Miley Cyrus in her Wrecking Ball video’.”

[Dick:] “Steph, please-”

[Stephanie:] “Hang on Dick, you gotta let me finish this story. So, with the brilliance of the entire universe, Dick climbed on and swung onto the chandelier. Listen, he was about to strip naked like in the video, but we stopped him when he took off his shirt.”

[Dick:] [Muffled] “Oh my god.”

[Stephanie:] “So he swung and he was up there swinging back and forth like he was on a swing til, uh oh, he feels the chandelier lurch and it turns out, it couldn’t handle his weight. And with one last swing, the chandelier gave out and he went flying forward, fabulous, and crashed on the staircase.”

[Dick:] “And, I just want this out there, that this wasn’t one of my best moments.”

[Stephanie:] “Well, yeah, you broke your arm and you were in deep shit from Alfred.”

[Dick:] “Worst moments of my life. I was grounded for a good month. And I couldn’t play for the team too, that was a huge blow.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah… BUT! There’s amazing footage floating about it and it made it to the school yearbook! Congrats!”

[Dick:] “Not exactly something to be proud of, but-” [sighs] “Thanks. Next question?”

[Stephanie:] “Next question! From an anonymous, ‘I heard about the Robin Club?? Girls Can Be Robin Too Club? What's that all about?’"

[Dick:] “Ah, that’s a question for Stephanie! She’s the founder and the president!”

[Stephanie:] “Right, yeah! So, a backstory, there’s a club here called the Robin Club, it was founded by your dad, Bruce Wayne, when he was here all the way back when the dinosaurs roamed. And basically, it was a club that was community service orientated, boys went around and helped out. They volunteered and stuff, basically like the boy scouts but without the badges. And it was a boys only club, which was dumb. And it’s still very much a club right now, it’s that old, but they’re not very active. And two years ago when I was a freshman, I wanted to get in, but I couldn’t because I don’t have the dangly thing between my legs-”

[Dick:] “Steph. Gross.”

[Stephanie:] “You’re the one to talk, Dangly Thing. It’s your name isn’t it? Anyway, I said ‘screw this, I’m gonna make my own club’ and with seven other girls in support, we got it up and running. And now we’re twenty members. And anyone can join, boys, girls, whomever, it’s a club for all. Jay’s an honorary member.”

[Dick:] “Honorary?”

[Stephanie:] “He’s not official as he doesn’t exactly go to the meetings, but he helps out enough to become honorary.”

[Dick:] “Cute.”

[Stephanie:] “Right? Next question if you please?”

[Dick:] “Question three, no name. ‘Where can I join Dick’s… fanclub? ...Uhmm.”

[Stephanie:] “Ah! Classroom 13-A, down the hall with the big pumpkin mural on the very left. And there's literally a big poster of Dick in front of the door, can't miss it."

[Dick:] “...Steph?”

[Stephanie:] “Don’t worry about it.”

[Dick:] “Too late for that. Next question. Please.”

[Stephanie:] “From an Else, ‘What’s the best spot to hide from an angry Tetch?’”

[Dick:] “That is an excellent question for Jason, honestly. But, Steph, you’ve had to avoid Principal Tetch a few times before, right? What’s the best spot?”

[Stephanie:] “Hmmm...from experience, it’s the last place he’d ever find me. Or anyone… Ah, but see, if I say it out here, there’s a chance he’ll hear this and find out about it.”

[Dick:] “Dang, you’re right… Tweet it though?”

[Stephanie:] “Absolutely. DM me for spots, there’s several actually. But Jay’s got his own top secret spots that I’ve yet to find out about.”

[Dick:] “I heard the vents were a good place.”

[Stephanie:] “Ah, that’s Damian’s spot. Keep away from the vents. We have time for one last question. Dick, will you do the honors?”

[Dick:] “From Ramona and the Timothy Drake Fanclub, ‘Tim needs some rest, what can we offer him that’s not coffee?”

[Stephanie:] “Ah! A bat to the head! KNOCK HIM OUT! LET HIM SLEEP!”

[Dick:] “Stephanie no, oh my god.”

[Stephanie:] “Kidding, kidding, obviously. Cookies? Food? Laced with sleeping pills, he needs to REST.”

[Dick:] “Hooow about water bottles, uhhh, I know the Student Body concession stand is open in the mornings now that it’s colder. Hot coco? Nice soup? Anything that isn’t what Stephanie is saying?”

[Stephanie:] “Wow, thanks? And give him a break too, don’t smother him with all your love or whatever, he’s human too guys. He’s not gonna bother with any of you, go ahead and @ me on that on Twitter, but I’m saying now that he doesn’t bother with anything else other than his grades.”

[Dick:] “Erm, I think they got it, Steph-”

[Stephanie:] “Tim is a very serious student. The only way to have him relax is actually to drag him to Jay’s parties and shove a shot in his mouth and after that he’ll be a bit more chill.”

[Dick:] “True, he does relax a bit more after a shot. Okay but that doesn’t mean we’re enforcing you to give him shots, please don’t do that.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah. That’s why Tim’s always on Jay’s ‘OK’ List for his parties. I mean, ALWAYS. Sometimes Dick is banned from it-”

[Dick:] “When he’s pissed off at me, but I sneak in anyway.”

[Stephanie:] “I know.” [A laugh] “Jay’s always too busy to catch you there.”

[Dick:] “Right?”

[Stephanie:] “And I thiiiiink that’s all the questions we’re able to answer for today. Sadly.”

[Dick:] “There’s always next time, buddy. Don’t worry. Remember, if you want to ask us questions, the box is always open for you to drop something in.”

[Stephanie:] “Yep, literally just our lockers. Drop in your papers on the little slits, don’t be shy now.”

[Dick:] “Make it a great day, Bats. This has been your hosts Dick Grayson and…”

[Stephanie:] “Stephanie Brown. As always, love and sparkles.”

[End of Episode 2.2.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 2.1: Wayne Halloween Party Information]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are three taps of the mic before Steph clears her throat.]

[Stephanie:] “Hello students of Gotham High School, and welcome to Spoiler Alert! I'm your host, Stephanie Brown, and I'm with my partner in crime...”

[Dick:] “Dick Grayson! I hope you’ve all had a lovely day, I know I always do. Steph? Did you have a nice day?”

[Stephanie:] “Ahh, I got a D on my math test?”

[Dick:] “Aw, I’m sorry to hear that.”

[Stephanie:] “No no, that was more than I thought I’d get, today’s a fantastic day!”

[Dick:] [A chuckle] “I’m certainly glad to hear that then. So, today we'll talk a bit about the next event to take place in Gotham, that you probably all already know about.”

[Stephanie:] “Indeed, I mean, it’s always the buzz around here, we’ve got ten days left for it after all. But for those who don’t know, the annual Wayne Halloween party is an event that occurs every year on every Halloween and everyone is invited.”

[Dick:] “Yep, it always takes place at the manor, 1007 Mountain Drive, Gotham. Dress code is always in costume, there’s no theme this year so you’re welcome to wear whatever costume you want. There are a few new rules to be followed this year, unlike the three previous ones. It’s very new, but Alfred insisted to set those. It’s really meant to make sure that no one will get hurt and to ensure that everyone has fun. Seriously, please don’t break these, they are ALFRED’S.”

[Stephanie:] “I mean if anything, you still got the Black List, right? It’s easy to add new people on it.”

[Dick:] “Not really fun though, I hate excluding people from events. But sometimes it’s necessary. At the moment, there’s like 12 people on it, I’m sure they all know who they are.”

[Stephanie:] “Dick, care to tell us a little bit more about that list?”

[Dick:] “Right, but firstly it’s available on the public board at the entrance of the library. Please, if you’re not quite sure or if you’re paranoid that you might be on it you can always check that out.”

[Stephanie:] “Wait so, there’s already twelve people up on the list and it’s literally only been the fourth year you’re doing this. So, what does it take for your name to be added on it?”

[Dick:] “Well, the very first person to be put on the list tried to steal from the manor, so that was already a big no. But I mean, it’s general common sense, right? Don’t swipe things when you’re in someone’s house. That’s absolutely rude and very much so illegal and yes, we will not hesitate to call the cops.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeesh. And there’s the stalkers too, right? And we aaaaaall know who were talking about.”

[Dick:] “Yeeeeeeep. Anyway, getting onto the actual new rules, but for those who don’t know the current rules, I’d be happy to refresh everyone’s memories.” [Sound of paper being tapped on the desk] “Originally, there were a few rules, set and made sure it was enforced, but because of the events of last year’s party, a couple more have been added. But we’ll go down the list. Numero uno, do not take off your shoes.”

[Stephanie:] “Oh god, yes please, don’t take them off. Last time was…” [gagging noise] “Yep, don’t, otherwise you’ll be thrown out barefoot in the street.”

[Dick:] “Steph… I don’t think we’d actually keep the shoes. But.. erm, yeah no. Number two, please avoid spilling blood on the carpets and the curtains. Obviously it goes for both real and fake blood. Heck, just avoid spilling anything on the carpets and curtains in general.”

[Stephanie:] “Except if you’d like to get a very pissed off Alfred and in that case, have fun. I’ll make sure to bring flowers for your funeral.”

[Dick:] “Aaaactually, the third rule, we, the children of Bruce Wayne, have added by ourselves this time, is do not, I repeat, DO NOT piss off Alfred. He’s already doing a huge job to make sure we’ll have a very cool party and this year he’s making cookies. A lot of cookies. That plus making sure the party is running smoothly, we don’t want him to work even more than he needs to.”

[Stephanie:] “Bless Alfred, that man is a saint.”

[Dick:] “I know. We love you Alfred. Fourth rule is don’t throw up anywhere but the toilets. At worst, the sink. Sometimes things get a little crazy and yes, you feel the need to throw up, but please, do so in the toilet. Spare Alfred.”

[Stephanie:] “Bleh, gross? But it’s totally better than on the floor or walls I guess. You told me something about sweets?”

[Dick:] “Yeah, we got a bunch of specific sweets for vegans or other people following specific diets or who have allergies, like peanuts for example. It’s all in different containers, labeled and everything, so if you can eat regular sweets, please don’t take any of those. That is rule five, don’t take the vegan sweets. Otherwise you’ll probably be stabbed by Damian, that kid always has a sharp pencil somewhere. So this is already a forewarning and know that if you do take the risk, we’re not responsible for anything he does.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, please be cautious. He’s a bit extreme sometimes but it’s for the best in this specific case. Everyone wants to enjoy the party, that includes food and avoiding to call 911 for a stab wound.”

[Dick:] “Moving on to number six. As for those who went to previous parties, you may already know that we’ve got a cow at the manor - well, not in the manor, but she’s got a barn in the garden. Rule six is DON’T TIP OVER THE COW. LEAVE HER ALONE!”

[Stephanie:] “That animal deserves to have a quiet evening. What’d you guys name her? Batcow?”

[Dick:] “Yes, Damian named her Batcow. Don’t laugh.”

[Stephanie:] [Laughs] “Is that rule number seven? Don’t laugh at Batcow?”

[Dick:] [Some laughing] “It may as well be. But moving on, the next rule… There’s a few designated party areas, which by the way doesn’t include the barn, so for everyone’s safety and for the comfort of the Wayne Family, please do not leave those areas. Surveillance and booby traps, courtesy of Jason, will be set up. Seriously, we don’t want any of our rooms to be snooped in and messed up. That’s our private quarters, have some decency people.”

[Stephanie:] “Unlike last year.”

[Dick:] “Correct, unlike last year. That’s one instant way to lead yourself on the Black List. Rule number eight, please make sure you’ve got parent permission, or at least leave a note at your place to tell your folks where you’re at. Every year we always get cops showing up at our door because your parents can’t find you, so please make sure tell them where you’re going. Leading to number nine, if you think you might crash at the manor for the night, take a bag of fresh clothes. There’s a designated room to keep everyone’s stuff safe, so don’t worry about theft.”

[Stephanie:] “Yeah, no one wants to get breakfast with someone smelling like sweat and booze, that’s disgusting. Bring fresh shirts and pants, guys. Hey, didn’t you mention something about booze?”

[Dick:] “M hm, yep. It’s right here.” [sound of paper being shuffled again] “Number ten, do not, I repeat this with an utmost urge, do NOT bring booze. No booze, don’t bring any, we don’t want cops rolling up on our doors again because they catch intoxicated kids in the streets and tell them they’ve got it at our party.”

[Stephanie:] “But we aaaall know Jay’s gonna bring some anyway.”

[Dick:] “I can neither agree or disagree with that statement, but what I will say is, he can’t get any from the manor supply anymore. But yes, he does find booze from god knows where.”

[Stephanie:] “Sometimes I really wonder where he finds it. But he’s a tomb, he doesn’t spill anything. It’s really annoying, I can’t even get him to spill tea at any time.”

[Dick:] “...Steph he can most likely hear you.”

[Stephanie:] “AH! I mean… It’s really nice to know someone doesn’t spread rumors in the school, yep, really refreshing.”

[Dick:] “Suuuuuure, we all believe you. Totally. There’s a last rule, newly added too. As per the events of last year, do NOT climb on the chandelier and use it to swing-”

[Stephanie:] “As we all know who did.”

[Three seconds of silence followed by Dick, clearing his throat, and Steph chuckling.]

[Dick:] “...Moving on, do not climb onto the roof and jump into the pool. Do not climb on anything that isn’t meant to be climbed on as a matter of fact, because if this continues, we’re literally about to pass out forms and disclaimers to get you and your guardians to sign just so we can get angry parents out of our butts.”

[Stephanie:] “God, seriously??”

[Dick:] “Seriously.”

[Stephanie:] “Forms are the tickets to get in?”

[Dick:] “EXACTLY!”

[Some laughing from Stephanie.]

[Stephanie:] “That’s ridiculous!”

[Dick:] “I know! So please abide by the rules and I know some of ya’ll are gonna be ‘Aaaahh screw the rules.’ Don’t bother coming then.”

[Stephanie:] [Unintelligible sound coming from her, she sounds far away] “FUCK THE RULES!”

[Dick:] “Oh my god Steph please sit down, don’t let Alfred hear you say that.”

[More unintelligible sounds coming from Stephanie’s end and she clears her throat.]

[Stephanie:] “Hello.”

[Dick:] “Got that out of your system?”

[Stephanie:] “...Yep.”

[Dick:] “...Okay. Well, we’ve got a couple questions we’ve received from all our lovely listeners out there.”

[Stephanie:] “Aaand we will answer those questions, riiiight after our break.” [Increases the speed of talking] “This podcast was brought to you by the DramaClub,weneedmorepeopletojoinpleasejoinusOKAYIGOTTAGOUSETHEBATHROOM-”

[End of Episode 2.1. There’s elevator music being played.]

[gothambatsnews]

[Podcast Ep 1: Introductions]

[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are three taps of the mic before Steph clears her throat.] [Stephanie:] “Hello students of Gotham High School, this is your host, Stephanie Brown coming at you live in the middle, corner really, of the library because this is where we were able to do this. Right in front of me is the ever so lovely…”

[Dick:] “ME! Dick!”

[Stephanie:] “As you all know, Grayson. But for those who don’t you are either new to this school or have been living under a rock. Full name, Richard Grayson, a senior, star quarterback for the Gotham Bats, member of the Journalism Club, this year’s Homecoming King - congrats about that by the way, I voted for you.”

[Dick:] “Ahah, thank you. You better have.”

[Stephanie:] “Watch it. And my regular co-host. Woo!”

[Some clapping.]

[Dick:] “And in front of me is the fabulous, amazing, gorgeous, flawless…”

[Some shuffling of the papers.]

[Dick:] “Steph I’m not gonna read half a page of just adjectives about you.”

[Stephanie:] “Come on, I asked Cassandra to name some things about me! Just read it, she’s listening!”

[Dick:] “I’m reading the next three, take it or leave it.”

[Stephanie:] [A sigh] “Fine.”

[Dick:] “Stephanie Brown, uhhh, fabulous, amazing, gorgeous, flawless, full of wits and charm, charismatic...am I reading your Tinder bio?”

[Stephanie:] “Oh my god just continue.”

[Dick:] “Alright, alright. Junior, head cheerleader, president and creator of the ‘Girls Can Be Robin Too’ Club, occasionally crashes the Cooking Club and is the Drama Club with Jason. How is that by the way?”

[Stephanie:] “Pretty good, we’ve been thinking about plays we could do for the Winter Showcases. Jay’s been heavy on doing Shakespeare and, well, the majority of the club didn’t want that. Again. So he’s been salty ever since.”

[Dick:] “Let’s be real though, when is he never salty?”

[Stephanie:] “Dick, he’s standing right behind you.”

[Dick:] “NO HE’S-” [Unintelligible voice. Laughter from Steph’s side.] “Steph that was mean.”

[Stephanie:] “But it was funny.” [Some more laughter. It dies down and there is the sound of more shuffling papers.] “Aaanyways, this podcast has been in talks for a while now, I’ve always wanted to make something like this and finally, I have someone to do it with so I’m not talking here by myself like a-”

[Dick:] “I’m held here against my will, please, if you hear this, tell Babs I love her.”

[Stephanie:] “Dick, I swear. You’re being paid with zip-locs full of cereal.”

[Dick:] “With no MILK.”

[Stephanie:] “You agreed to the terms and conditions, Richard. That’s all that matters. Now you’re mine for as long as this podcast will run.”

[Dick:] “There wasn’t a legally abiding contract, Stephanie. I want to see my lawyers.”

[About five seconds of silence.]

[Stephanie:] “...Anyways, this podcast was finally signed on by the one and only Principal Tetch-”

[Dick:] “YOU’RE JUST GONNA KEEP TALKING?”

[Stephanie:] “WE HAVE FIVE MINUTES FOR THIS EPISODE, DICK, WILL YOU LET ME GET TO WHAT I GOTTA SAY? You and I both know your lawyers are busy trying to get Jay out of detention after he was accused of egging Tetch’s car.”

[Dick:] “Which, by the way, he is innocent, he was with me for the entire day.”

[Stephanie:] “You hear that Tetch? He’s innocent! POWER TO THE STUDENTS!”

[Dick:] “JUSTICE FOR JASON!”

[Stephanie:] “But really we should get going one with the-” [clears throat] “The topics.”

[Dick:] “Right, right.”

[Stephanie:] “In this podcast, we will bring to you all the things you need to know about life here, in Gotham High. Announcements, events, tea, news. We’ll even bring in special guest stars, answer your questions, cover fashion, cooking, literature even. All you want, all you need.”

[Dick:] “Advice about love, school, life. Reviews on movies, television shows, songs, books. You name it, we’ll do it. As Stephanie said, we’ll answer your questions. If you’ve got any, just stick them in the little slits of my locker or Steph’s and we’ll do our very best to answer them all. Saturdays will be our Q/A days, so make sure to tune in for that.”

[Stephanie:] “But for this week’s theme, or rather month’s, will be Halloween. All the spooky, scary things, the pumpkin spiced lattes, and the annual Wayne Halloween party taking place on the night of Halloween up at the manor.”

[Dick:] “Yep, which we will be talking about in our next episode. Unfortunately, this year there will be rules, so that needs to be gone over. It’s not mine, they’re Alfred’s, so we all know that they need to be followed.”

[Stephanie:] “A shame. Was it because of the infamous chandelier incident?”

[Dick:] “Exactly because of the infamous chandelier incident.”

[Stephanie:] “Heheh. That was a sight to see. Anywaaaays, I thiiiiink we covered all we needed to cover?”

[Dick:] “I think so too. Today’s podcast was brought to you by the Gardening Club, come and join to help make the planet a greener place. That’s all folks. This has been your hosts-”

[Stephanie:] “Stephanie Brown.”

[Dick:] “And Dick Grayson.”

[Stephanie:] “As always, love and sparkles.”

[End of Episode 1.]

[gothambatsnews]

About Spoiler Alert

Run by your two servants, the world famous Dick Grayson, and yours truly Stephanie Brown, this blog will be our way to allow you guys to read excerpts from our podcasts. We cover topics as diverse as the daily life tea at Gotham High School, love (of course!), self love, the events that are to take place all year long, a bit of fashion and cooking. Some weeks we’ll receive special guests from school that you’ll learn to love, and every Saturday we host Questions and Answers sessions. Don’t forget to subscribe to the actual podcast! Love and sparkles, The Spoiler Alert Team ❤️