#at least ive got my cat

[jyndor]

I know some have a hard time with the word hate (lmao including my phone which autocorrected it??? bro let me live my life) but I truly, unequivocally hate some things. this is personal and it is also political but it's mainly just me trying to put my feelings of non-community, isolation and disconnect into words. probably not well but I put it under a read more so frankly if you're not comfortable with me saying things in inarticulate ways about my own history, idk what to tell you lol

tw for imperialism, genocide, depression, and the existential agonies idk lmao

like britain. not the land, not the individual people lol but the power and empire and the idea, in the same way I hate the united states. idk if there is a more accurate word for the feeling I have that is based in deep, deep hurt. like bone deep. hurt for damage they've done to so many peoples, but also like... over the past year I've begun to identify this emptiness inside of me - I was always looking for community and connection and identity as a kid so far removed from my extended family. I've always joked about how much I resent my parents for moving away from new york because they took me to a place devoid of culture but like I mean my parents got to enjoy the richness of so many cultures growing up, and they also had community (I am not including my mom's mom because she is a person I do in fact hate).

like... so when friends of mine growing up would have their confirmations, for instance, I'd feel sort of left out because I had nothing. my parents ran from catholicism rightfully so imo lmao, and my mom was so good about trying to find me a church to go to when I asked even though I didn't believe in God, certainly not in the Christian belief in God. we ended up in a unitarian universalist church thankfully but I mean I didn't really value it because ~angsty teen shit.

when I say I hate my grandma I mean I am so deeply hurt by her actions towards my mom and also me, and it feels like the same feeling that I get when I think of Imperial powers and how they've harmed both my own family and also so many other people who've had way worse outcomes than just isolation and loneliness and lack of community or identity, or the feeling I have towards capitalism which ofc is intrinsically linked with colonialism and imperialism.

this is something I am coming to understand about myself in my thirties. that i have always been a very, very lonely person. I think that's why the found family trope always works so well for me. because I'm beginning to find mine, and they aren't the people who I desperately wanted to find commonality with as a child.

it's funny because I've always viewed my politics as fairly separate from my internal life - like I couldn't see any connection between why I was always fighting with bullies and bigots in school, why I always immediately understood power dynamics and supported marginalized groups even if they had nothing to do with me and even if I didn't like know the details - ofc my first time hearing about palestine I was like... ?? how are they wrong for wanting liberation? even if I didn't know the history like I do now or like I will in the future when I've learned even more of it.

I remember this english kid (my first love lmao barf) doing a presentation on the troubles in 10th grade and asking like... lmao idk anything about this but how can you say that the british were the good guys here???? then I learned later the personal connections I have to irish history and it was like... I never even knew. I had no stories, no family history, no connection to a culture that my family came from. so there's this guy telling me, a descendant of the people he's blaming for the troubles, history that I should have known.

it's funny how every time I tell one of my friends irl that I do not respect my elders, I have to explain why - they eschewed their own story in order to have the security and safety of whiteness in the US. they continue to protect that whiteness with their money and votes, and have shown an absolute lack of respect to their descendants when we've asked them to hear us out.

I don't hate them though. I know there's a difference in the way I feel towards them and the way I feel towards the things, the british empire, the united states, that made them react the way they did. idk if that makes sense.

at least they aren't cops lmao I would legitimately hate them if they were.

[the-bell-lord]

I mean . Chances are I finish at least ONE of them , right ????

I swear I’ll start consistently posting again soon <\33 (lie) /silly

here uhm . Have some complimentary shapeshifter loops . Throws them at u

[marblerose-rue]

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requests from twitter ^_^

adderfang, goosefeather, dawnpelt

crowfeather, heathertail, frostpaw, sandynose

[improvised-finish]

Miqo March Day #31 - Dawn

"Even when the night weighs heavy and it seems the road to happiness may be lost, we must take heart and blaze a trail to a new dawn. How else will we see all of the wonders our world and its people have to share with us?"

- Lehon'a Nhavareh, quoted in the middle of packing for another journey to the wilds of Shaaloani

Another month long challenge (barely) finished! Definitely some prompts I struggled with (and the sudden deadline of patch day didn't help) but as with previous challenges, I'm just happy I got it done! It's been lovely to see everyone's posts about their wonderful kitty cats, and I greatly appreciate all of the interaction I've gotten on mine.

Now I will go rest for 1 million years (or until September for XIV write)

[july-19th-club]

giggling and kicking my feet and prancing into my armchair to watch this annoying guy do embarrassing things on my tv show with his hot friend . and also Tim is there

[sherokutakari]

•*☆ Cat Ownership ☆*•

[fennel-cake]

Fattest shout-out to all my long time oomfs on here

I'm glad y'all are still alive 🙏🙏🙏

[stupidlovepurplepeace]

Rest in peace Mateo, I'll miss you

[shenjiushandfan]

Just started reading Heaven's official's Blessing I'm going in blind peeps wish me luck

[riveluart]

My cat knocked my ipad off a table and shattered the screen 💔

I at least have art scheduled through most of this month but I dont know when I'm going to be able to get my ipad fixed or replaced

So after that idk how much digital art I'll be doing for a while

[doctorwillsolace]

the emergency vet is the worst place in the world. wouldn't wish this place on anyone

[keeps-ache]

angry? peeved? frustrated? kind of annoyed? bursting at the seams with malice? want to commit a federal crime but it's (sadly) against the law? have i got the solution for you!!: put cat food in their shoes

[gargelyfloof118]

4 dozen eggs just gone

[frogseasons]

second week of class and got my ass beat by the beater bar. loom baby please be nice to me

[batz]

-

[3amsnek]

a himb

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reblogs >> likes!!