#at least ive got my cat

[jyndor]

I know some have a hard time with the word hate (lmao including my phone which autocorrected it??? bro let me live my life) but I truly, unequivocally hate some things. this is personal and it is also political but it's mainly just me trying to put my feelings of non-community, isolation and disconnect into words. probably not well but I put it under a read more so frankly if you're not comfortable with me saying things in inarticulate ways about my own history, idk what to tell you lol

tw for imperialism, genocide, depression, and the existential agonies idk lmao

like britain. not the land, not the individual people lol but the power and empire and the idea, in the same way I hate the united states. idk if there is a more accurate word for the feeling I have that is based in deep, deep hurt. like bone deep. hurt for damage they've done to so many peoples, but also like... over the past year I've begun to identify this emptiness inside of me - I was always looking for community and connection and identity as a kid so far removed from my extended family. I've always joked about how much I resent my parents for moving away from new york because they took me to a place devoid of culture but like I mean my parents got to enjoy the richness of so many cultures growing up, and they also had community (I am not including my mom's mom because she is a person I do in fact hate).

like... so when friends of mine growing up would have their confirmations, for instance, I'd feel sort of left out because I had nothing. my parents ran from catholicism rightfully so imo lmao, and my mom was so good about trying to find me a church to go to when I asked even though I didn't believe in God, certainly not in the Christian belief in God. we ended up in a unitarian universalist church thankfully but I mean I didn't really value it because ~angsty teen shit.

when I say I hate my grandma I mean I am so deeply hurt by her actions towards my mom and also me, and it feels like the same feeling that I get when I think of Imperial powers and how they've harmed both my own family and also so many other people who've had way worse outcomes than just isolation and loneliness and lack of community or identity, or the feeling I have towards capitalism which ofc is intrinsically linked with colonialism and imperialism.

this is something I am coming to understand about myself in my thirties. that i have always been a very, very lonely person. I think that's why the found family trope always works so well for me. because I'm beginning to find mine, and they aren't the people who I desperately wanted to find commonality with as a child.

it's funny because I've always viewed my politics as fairly separate from my internal life - like I couldn't see any connection between why I was always fighting with bullies and bigots in school, why I always immediately understood power dynamics and supported marginalized groups even if they had nothing to do with me and even if I didn't like know the details - ofc my first time hearing about palestine I was like... ?? how are they wrong for wanting liberation? even if I didn't know the history like I do now or like I will in the future when I've learned even more of it.

I remember this english kid (my first love lmao barf) doing a presentation on the troubles in 10th grade and asking like... lmao idk anything about this but how can you say that the british were the good guys here???? then I learned later the personal connections I have to irish history and it was like... I never even knew. I had no stories, no family history, no connection to a culture that my family came from. so there's this guy telling me, a descendant of the people he's blaming for the troubles, history that I should have known.

it's funny how every time I tell one of my friends irl that I do not respect my elders, I have to explain why - they eschewed their own story in order to have the security and safety of whiteness in the US. they continue to protect that whiteness with their money and votes, and have shown an absolute lack of respect to their descendants when we've asked them to hear us out.

I don't hate them though. I know there's a difference in the way I feel towards them and the way I feel towards the things, the british empire, the united states, that made them react the way they did. idk if that makes sense.

at least they aren't cops lmao I would legitimately hate them if they were.

[obsob]

oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

requests from twitter ^_^

adderfang, goosefeather, dawnpelt

crowfeather, heathertail, frostpaw, sandynose

[july-19th-club]

giggling and kicking my feet and prancing into my armchair to watch this annoying guy do embarrassing things on my tv show with his hot friend . and also Tim is there

[sockatoothewafflebird]

Someone put up this sign long after this site was abandoned. Seems a lot less aged than the rest of em.

it's not like the crew is inexperienced with these symptoms. they're used to it by now...

even though zombies aren't a focus there's still encounters with them and it's existentially horrifying every time

also BAM! sketch/lineart for fallout zooble.

wanted them to have a more raptor shaped body, for no other reason than it looks cool. i hope this will suffice while i work on the other characters...

please help i'm realizing i'm so so bad at creative character design especially when it comes to characters i havent drawn in the past

[ratatatastic]

lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

[xxplastic-cubexx]

OG Charles-Cat anon: Reason for my naming is because;

A. Hysterical that the cat is basically named after Charles BUUUUT she TECHICALLY isn't- *flutters his psychic eyelashes*

And B. Erik is so fucked for names. Can't use Charlie, can't use Charles. Nope. Has to look at this oversized naked molerat and use-

Charlotte Erika Xavier Lehnsherr~

speaking in cursive gotta be DIABOLICAL 😭😭

[purpurussy]

.

[itsseriouslyridiculous]

I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

[shenjiushandfan]

Just started reading Heaven's official's Blessing I'm going in blind peeps wish me luck

[riveluart]

My cat knocked my ipad off a table and shattered the screen 💔

I at least have art scheduled through most of this month but I dont know when I'm going to be able to get my ipad fixed or replaced

So after that idk how much digital art I'll be doing for a while

[doctorwillsolace]

the emergency vet is the worst place in the world. wouldn't wish this place on anyone

[keeps-ache]

angry? peeved? frustrated? kind of annoyed? bursting at the seams with malice? want to commit a federal crime but it's (sadly) against the law? have i got the solution for you!!: put cat food in their shoes

[toytulini]

man when we had an auto litterbox it just Kinda Sucked

i didnt realize they were selling ones so actively dangerous and deadly

[gargelyfloof118]

4 dozen eggs just gone

[frogseasons]

second week of class and got my ass beat by the beater bar. loom baby please be nice to me