#at least in my experience ymmv

[evegwood]

I'm looking forward to Thought Bubble! It's been a while since I went so I'm wondering if anything's changed about the event, there's four halls now?

honestly i think the vibes are as great as always, i don't think much has changed but in a good way! this is the first year with four halls (there's only been three the last few years that it's been in harrogate) but there'll also be two entrances to help funnel people through

i'm going to assume this second ask is also from you so i can just combine them into one post:

Got any tips for visiting and browsing through Thought Bubble? I'm morbidly curious about the after party at the nearby pub they're advertising but also getting cold feet about it.

if you're crazy like me, i highly recommend going through the exhibitor list beforehand and browsing people's websites/shops to see if there's anyone you definitely definitely want to check out. when i attended as a visitor for the first time i did this and it really helped structure my weekend bc i wasn't just wandering aimlessly, i had people i Wanted to stop and see.

but also give every table a look! you never know what you're going to find, a really nondescript table or unexpected comic could be totally up your alley so don't just beeline for the most eye-catching tables.

i've seen several people do this over the years and it's so smart; use that map that they give you at the entrance and circle tables you want to come back to! it's totally normal for folks to do a "shopping list" circle of the con and then come back to buy stuff later, but that's easier to do when you actually know what table you're looking for. make a note of why you're going back to that table too to jog your memory.

i hate the afterparty lmfao it sucks i never go

[mamawasatesttube]

not to be a bitch but like. i can never take "ohhhh kon is soOOoOoo sad about tim/ber uwaahhhh he's in love with tim but it's unrequited waaahhhh" angst seriously because like... i get it, the only thing you know about kon is that he's the other half of a popular m/m tim ship, but uh. rebirth kon is living an existential fucking nightmare. i think he's got way bigger fish to fry than whether the tim who only kind of remembers him at all is dating some other guy lmao

[rniyura]

Life update had a bisalp

[suzukiblu]

hi, question for you, have you ever experienced prolonged writer’s block before? do you happen to have any advice for getting a writing flow going again, that you’d be willing to share?

bc i don’t want to get too heavy in your asks, but between chronic illness/fatigue and longterm autistic burnout i haven’t been able to write a single word in several years now, and GOD am i tired of it. it’s like all the stories and words are stuck inside me and i can see it all in my head but the faucet is jammed and i just can’t get it OUT! i have been slowly feeling like the creative embers are maybe starting to spark again but it’s so hard not to get impatient with myself because it never seems to actually transfer to paper (or word document or notes app). any ideas or tips?

no pressure to answer this if you don’t want to of course, regardless i really enjoy your writing and i’m so glad that i can at least engage with fandom through other authors even when i can’t write my own stories! 💛

Oh god, yeah, I DEFINITELY have experienced that, hahasob. I have gone through at LEAST a year or two without, like, putting down a single word or even drawing anything, just total creative block/not there-ness. Like I feel u on that one, bud.

Good news: now if I write less than 2k in a day I think "oh that's kinda low, huh", so like . . . definitely "didn't write jack shit for [ INSERT TIME PERIOD HERE ]" has yet to sink me, and therefore fuck if it's gonna sink ANY of us. We persevere!!

So like, in my experience actually helpful writing advice is just SO wildly "you just gotta try shit 'til something works"-based that I'mma just give you a list made up of a bunch of, like, assorted tips and tricks that I use on myself to make my brain put words down when it's being stubborn about it, though different ones work at different times and obvi YMMV here anyway because for obvious reasons these are all approaches that I have tailored to my own needs, hah, and some of them are a bit facetious and some are also a bit heavy, but absolutely and unironically I reguarly use them all and they have all repeatedly worked for me.

Also, they're all gonna be goin' behind a cut because WOW there's actually a lot more of them than I realized I had, hahaha. The psychiatrist who recently used me as a case study told me I was very self-aware, so take from that what you will, friend.

Get up and do a chore/take a shower/eat a snack/literally just walk through a friggin' doorway, more often than not it'll at least make your brain reorient enough for you to realize you were just beating your head against a wall and need to do [ INSERT DAMAGE CONTROL/HARM REDUCTION BEHAVIOR HERE ].

Track your progress. Write to-do lists and cross shit off 'em. Keep track of your word count when you write; put it in a spreadsheet or a notebook or on a graph on your bulletin board.

Get a NEW way to track your progress. I currently use, like, three different "to-do list" apps to varying degrees in varying ways, not counting just my basic calendar app ( for the record: Finch, Structured, and just a generic notes app, but mostly Finch and Structured and seriously I CANNOT recommend Finch enough, go get yourself a bird buddy immediately. do you want a friend code, I will GIVE you a friend code, I think it gives you a bonus mini-pet or something if you use it. ), and also set myself MANY a phone alarm to remind myself of things that I need to do in case I space out or get distracted by somebody/something/the specific phase of the moon.

Did you take your meds? Take your fucking MEDS, self, good LORD.

Leave the house even if for literally, like, thirty seconds to just stand in some actual natural light. Or leave the house to go eat at a cafe or library or fast food place and just put yourself in a new environment for literally any length of time whatsoever.

Switch pens. Switch notebooks. Get a NEW notebook. Use your laptop instead. Use your PHONE instead. Get a nicer notebook. Get a shittier notebook. Use the scratch paper at work. Use the Procreate app on your friggin' iPad if you gotta, whatever, you do what you want!!

Don't write!!

Seriously just don't, go watch an actual scripted TV show or movie or read a book or a comic or some fic. Feed your brain something you didn't have to make up yourself.

Come up with a convoluted way to trick yourself into being accountable to someone else. Join a writing group. Make a Tumblr post about how you're gonna go write now. Ask Tumblr for their opinion on what you should write now. Ask Tumblr to spin this random wheel spinner game you generated and tell you what answer they got, and then write THAT.

HAVE you had a snack? Did you eat breakfast? Did you eat lunch? Did you remember to move around the house at any point whatsoever during the day? Maybe like, do that. Like, at least the snack part. Maybe a stretch or something wouldn't hurt either though.

Meal prep is so fucking useful and saves you SO much annoying time and also, like, makes you eat actual veggies and fruit and shit, genuinely actually works, the gym bros were not wrong, go figure. Also then you don't have to think about what you're gonna eat all the time and then cook it and then clean up and then--yeah anyway meal prep, god bless it. Once a week I make a batch of pasta salad and roast a pan of good-when-roasted veggies with like, garlic and salt and pepper and some olive oil and add bacon after, and then I portion it all into tupperware and in the morning I add spinach or crack an egg into that day's share of veggies for breakfast and maybe make some toast, and just grab one of the pasta salads whenever I want something lunch-like. It saves SO much time and distraction when you are hurting for free time/focus. So, SO much.

Unfortunately the gym bros were also correct about exercise, if that's doable for you. Exercise does in fact make you feel better and more energized and less depressed, fuck those guys for being right about that shit. Assuming you have enough iron in your blood to actually, like, do it, which admittedly I frequently do not, but the point stands.

Dude why are you even trying to write, you're so tired, go to bed and get up early, you write SO much better in the mornings anyway.

Hey, I know that's how you USED to write, but like, is that actually how you write right now? Is that actually even what works for you anymore? Actually maybe outlines COULD be helpful or maybe you don't need all those worldbuilding notes all at once; maybe your inner architect needs to let the building decay and go back to nature or maybe your inner gardener has developed a taste for trellises, metaphorically speaking and all.

Please eat something. Also please DRINK something. Like ideally water but we'll go for anything that involves a liquid, seriously.

Hey did you know actually if you ONLY eat instant ramen and microwave pizza you'll probably get scurvy and die instead of, like, writing your magnum opus? Like probably?? Put a fucking egg in that ramen, man! Slice up a scallion in that bitch!! EAT AN ACTUAL WHOLE FRUIT or at least, like, buy a smoothie with actual fruit involved somewhere in it on occasional. The whole fruit, unfortunately, is better. I like apples. Apples take a REAL long time to rot if I forget they exist for a couple weeks or whatever. But like, mango smoothies are also the shit, can't turn down a mango smoothie or a good strawberry-banana. Hey did you know the grocery store just, like, will let you just buy one single apple and they don't give a fuck? You're free! The cashier won't remember you in five minutes!! Buy your one single apple and work your way up to maybe two apples next time!! Also now I want an apple!!!!

Don't write. Don't write THAT. Write the other thing. No, the OTHER other thing. No, not THAT other other thing.

The rules are made up and the points don't matter.

Fuck it, we ball.

[ INSERT FULL-THROTTLE STIMMING BEHAVIOR HERE ]

Only God can judge me and I'm still technically agnostic.

God, that's the weirdest fucking idea you've ever had, literally NO ONE but you would read it. So you should write 180k of it and also make it even weirder and yes it will absolutely be the one fic that just about everyone in MCU fandom who knows you exist knows you for, don't even worry about it, this isn't based on a true story at all.

Actually you could probably storyboard this scene to figure out wtf is happening here. Or like just draw literally anything related to this story, a bit of that might work some kinks out of the whole process.

Did you get that snack yet?

Hey go pet your dog, she's very soft and wants attention and also her OWN snack. Pet your dog and eat an apple and idk watch some anime or a weird niche documentary or an even more niche reality show, have you seen Deep-Fried Dynasty yet, it's on Hulu and was surprisingly engrossing.

Why are you even following the rules, we've been over this, they are made up and the points do NOT matter, and also you're not even getting graded for this anyway.

Yeah okay that thing you wrote sucked, but it turns out that Dean Koontz somehow has a writing career and also Twilight happened to all of us, so actually even the suckiest thing you ever write is gonna be better than the perfect ideal of the scene in your head, because the suckiest thing you ever write is something OTHER people can READ. And again: Dean Koontz has a career. Colleen HOOVER has a career. And fucking good for them, they're killing it, they are fucking WRITING!! Who gives a damn anyway, fix it in editing if you're that worried about it, they call it a rough draft for a reason.

Hey if that thing doesn't work you can just, like, delete it. Or rewrite it. Or stick it in your back pocket and do something else for a while. The sunk-cost fallacy is bullshit and you don't have to listen to it.

Maybe drink some more caffeine, that'll calm you down. [ DISCLAIMER: THIS PIECE OF ADVICE TAILORED TO A PERSON WITH MORE ADHD THAN LITERALLY NINETY-FIVE PERCENT OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD; THAT PERCENTAGE IS ON THE ACTUAL LEGITIMATE DIAGNOSTIC PAPERWORK ]

Seriously you can just write anything you want, nobody can stop you. Only God can judge me and I'm still technically agnostic enough that that's like, thirty-seventy odds at BEST.

God that idea is so niche and weird and niche, better tone it the fuck down to--oh wait no mass appeal means you're writing popcorn and literally no one will remember it in five minutes anyway, stop reflexively censoring yourself for some imaginary audience that will just chew straight through your one-size-fits-all story for The Content(tm) and then immediately move onto the next one without even bothering to hit "kudos" or remember anything about it later. I have written shit so weird that people still remember how weird I was TWENTY-FIVE YEARS LATER, man, and that is why literally anyone will EVER remember that you exist or wanna read your stuff or follow you to a new fandom where they don't even know the source material, fuck it, they'll wiki some shit. And also who cares anyway, it's YOUR stuff and YOU wanna read it. Your agnostically-possible god did not make you this weird and niche for no reason, don't pussy out now!!

Actually you can just write in the bath/on the bus/while waiting for your roommate to finish up with the guy running this estate sale. You've got your phone, right? Fuck it, pack a notebook. Pack an extra notebook. Pack a smaller notebook. Pack a BIGGER notebook.

It's not stupid if it works. You don't have to do what literally ANYONE else is doing, you just have to do what works.

You can literally just skip to the good part and write that, actually. Nobody's gonna throw you in writer-jail. What are we, cops?? Actually do you even need this lead-up here or do you just need to write this one specific blorbo gettin' laid REAL enthusiastically kinkily and/or maybe having a nervous breakdown sobfest over their perception of their personal self-worth and everything else is kinda just window dressing??

I mentioned the snack thing, right? Also sugar rushes are fake but sugar CRASHES are real so maybe be a little careful on that one, maybe buy some trail mix/jerky/smoked salmon, smoked salmon is SO good, smoked salmon is just objectively delicious.

Go talk somebody's ear off about what you're trying to write about. Bonus points if you can find somebody who matches your freak enough that you write, uhhhhh /checks smudged writing on wrist/ a 60k Overwatch fic in two weeks and also like 280k of Witcher fic in less than a year specifically because they're just a real good cheerleader. Wow. Wow that was a lot more Witcher fic than I was aware I had written. THE POINT IS LOOK FOR A WRITING BUDDY, WRITING BUDDIES ARE THE SHIT.

If the writing buddy doesn't work out though the first time I won NaNoWriMo I did it directly out of spite because someone said they didn't think I actually would. So like, spite is always an option, you can always keep that one on tap if you gotta.

Stephen King did not write "On Writing" because he didn't want you to write. Francesca Lia Block did not introduce you to the weirdest and gayest shit teenage!you had ever read so you'd grow up and be a fucking NORMIE about this shit. SIR TERRY PRATCHETT DID NOT WRITE LIKE SIXTEEN OF YOUR FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE DID NOT WANT YOU TO WRITE WHAT YOU WERE ACTUALLY FRICKIN' INTO.

Clean your room. No, better than that. Okay fuck it just set a ten-minute timer and do what you can in that time, we work with the spoons we've got.

Random number generator. Random color generator. Random "hey followers here's a very oblique poll, don't even worry about what it's about, just click a button please and thank you".

Did you know the internet will just GIVE you free graphs/trackers/bullet journal page designs and you can just print 'em out and do whatever the heck you want with 'em?? Yes my new little "color in the squares every day you do the thing" tracker IS just six daily writing tasks and two daily "just go pick some stuff up in this specific room" tasks and that is MY BUSINESS, MS. SIR AND MR. MADAM AND MX. [ INSERT BUZZER SOUND ]. And also, like, has done much better at getting me to do chores than anything else has in a minute, go fig.

You can actually just do whatever you want forever.

Literally, like just forever.

Fuck, how many times HAVE you done this? You'll never get better for good, it'll always go bad again, you'll always get sick again, you'll always get SAD again, you'll always fucking forget how to even DO this again and have to start all over.

Well yes, obviously, because you'll always have done it again. So do it again. One more time.

( seriously though did you take your meds-- )

[egophiliac]

Hello! Sorry to bother but do you have any digital art tips? I’m quite new to it and any tips, tricks or advice would be helpful! Your coloring style is very beautiful and I love it a lot!

thank you! 💚💚💚 sorry this is a bit late, hopefully there's still something helpful in it!

(also, it got pretty long, sorry!)

I think the biggest thing is to just take things slow -- digital art feels different than drawing traditionally, and it's SUPER easy to get overwhelmed by the billions of cool features that the digital world offers. (I say, as someone who spends a lot of time downloading cool brushes and textures...and then never using them ever.) there is a ton of really cool stuff you can do digitally, but because there's so much, I think it's really important to take time to figure out what is and isn't working for you. spend some time doodling without any intent to do a finished piece, figure out how you like to hold (or not hold) your tablet, what keyboard shortcuts you end up using a lot (and therefore might want to map to your pen/tablet buttons for quicker use)...that kind of thing!

everyone's workflow and preferred program and style are different, so it's hard to give hard-and-fast general advice. but the things that I think of as the essentials for learning digital art programs, and what I think of as a good order to focus on learning them in (although YMMV, especially depending on what kind of art you're doing):

brush customization (e.g. flow, opacity, softness)

layers and layer masks

selections and transformations (e.g. scale, rotate, flip horizontal/vertical, skew) (skew is underrated and I will die on that hill)

blending modes (e.g. multiply, screen)

adjustments/adjustment layers (e.g. hue/saturation, curves)

and I think most stuff after that is gravy! often very good gravy though! but yeah, as overall advice I recommend just taking things one little bit at a time, spending some time just drawing and messing around with each feature and what you can do with it. whether or not you end up incorporating any of it into your workflow, it's always good to try things out and just see how they feel! :D

and just so there is at least a little more concrete helpfulness in here, here's a few more specific things that I think are super important to keep in mind!

use! your! tablet/pen buttons! I mentioned this earlier, but they are extremely useful for keyboard shortcuts that you use often! most programs will also let you create new shortcuts for other things -- personally, I use the magic wand tool to fill in big color blocks a lot, so I made shortcuts for 'expand selection' and 'fill' and then mapped them to my tablet buttons.

flop your work horizontally often! when you're working on something, you get used to the way it looks, so seeing it mirrored is a quick way to see it with fresh eyes! in my experience, it often feels like this:

(a common thing is to find that everything is sort of 'leaning' too much one way, which is where skew really comes in handy!) (seriously, I love skew, it is my savior)

if you're working with color, keep a hue/saturation adjustment layer (or a layer filled with black or white and set to Color) on top and toggle it on occasionally to check your values! a lot of people who know a lot more about color than me (and are better at putting it into words) have written about why values are so important, so all I'll say is that the rule of thumb is that your image should still be readable in greyscale:

there are some exceptions and grey areas (do ho ho), but it's a good general rule to keep in mind! (some programs also have a colorblind mode, so you can check to see how your work will look to someone with colorblindness!)

and finally, here's some digital art programs I recommend, if you're still looking for a good one!

free: krita, FireAlpaca

paid: ClipStudio, Procreate (iOS/iPad only)

[tangledbeast]

No one asked for it so here it is: The Commandant's weird physiology master-post

We don't know exactly how Lucien's experiments work. All we know is it involves putting Spire shards inside a living person, and most of the time that person dies.

My personal headcanon is that just a few shards are inserted into the skull, so they make contact with the brain. The rest of the shards grow and erupt from the body naturally.

My reasoning depends on the idea that The Spire material grows/ spreads like something pseudo-organic.This is pure speculation, ymmv. There's more scarring/ irritation around the largest shards on his head. Almost looks like part of the skull could been removed before placing the shard. The tissue around the small shards looks different...perhaps these are the ones that grew themselves?

There are small shards coming out of his cheekbone too. You can see some sort of damage/bruising on his other cheek. Similar bruising around some of his head shards. Maybe this is what the skin looks like before the shards erupt?

Since most of the shards are in his skull, it's likely spread to his jaw and turned into shard material. Whatever's going on in his mouth doesn't seem to affect his ability to talk.

Also seems his blood is somewhat normal under there because of the red/purple bruising. And in the bags under his eyes. Opression is a stressful job.

If you look closely at the cutscene art, Spire Soldiers have shards erupting all over their arm. These really look like some sort of disease/infection. Almost cancerous.

Fun details from The Commandant's gnarly hand:

He's got shards growing out of three of his knuckles. The bones must be so messed up under there. Probably has reduced motion in that part of his hand.

His lovely nails. It would make no sense to manually insert shards in each finger and I don't think Luicen makes press-ons. They grew like that.

Fingertips are blackened. Even other parts of his body with shards don't look like this. Maybe b/c it's the hand he casts spells with.

Why does his skin glow? Well, what else glows white? The light of the inner Spire.

Despite the ability to use at least two Will spells, he has no Will lines. He's not a natural Will user...he's channeling the Will from the shards stuck into him. And the spells he uses are shard related. We see the Shard vehicles emit electricity much like a lightning spell, and the other spell is literally summoning shard material out of the ground. Spire Soldiers can use one more spell: force push. The Shards seem to use a similar mechanism to repel damage. Original Commandant appears unable to use this. It seems to be an improvement Lucien made on his new models. Edit: Original Commandant actually can use force push

Also note the Spire Soldiers are unable/unwilling to speak. Slightly different creation method that further damages their brains? Or maybe Commandant was just more resilient.

[jaegermonstrous]

So I've got Thoughts on Worf. Disclaimer, these are all heavily informed by own experiences and background, ymmv. Also disclaimer, I haven't gotten around to watching PIC yet. It's on my list, but I'm not there yet. But anyway.

So, Worf in TNG is pretty much our biggest exposure to the Klingon culture so far, and he's pretty consistent with the other Klingons we see. He's a big and tough warrior guy with the Stoic Warrior Thing going on. He's constantly getting his ass handed to him to show the audience the bad guys of the week are Serious Business. He's a pretty awful father, but we have no reason to believe other Klingons are much better. He's apparently got enough of a soft/personable side that he dates Deanna Troi for a bit [no shade to the actors here, but the logic behind that pairing has never worked for me, or at least the writers never did enough legwork to make it believable to my ace and autistic self]. But mostly, he's a Big Stoic Warrior Man from a culture of Big Stoic Warrior Men.

But Worf in DS9 is much less isolated from other Klingons, and it's here where - to me - he becomes incredibly interesting as an example of someone trying to reconnect with their heritage as an adult, especially someone who's either felt pressured to perform their culture "correctly" to an outsider [Federation] standard, or who's never had significant contact with the huge diversity of their culture and kind of internalized the idea that "this is how you perform my culture correctly" from a very limited amount of sources, and therefore become kind of an asshole about it when people [other Klingons] don't do or be as you expect them to.

From the doylist perspective we can just say "well, the DS9 writers really diversified the Klingons," but I find the watsonian perspective far more interesting; here you have Worf, the first and [so far] only Klingon serving in Starfleet, who was removed from his culture as a young child and raised by Humans [no shade to the Rozhenkos here, I think they did their best to raise Worf with an awareness of his origins]. He's been aware most of his life of being the only Klingon in a room full of Humans and other Federation species, most of whom have Expectations of what Meeting A Real Klingon would be like. So Worf, with his mostly second-hand knowledge of Klingon culture and a huge wall of Expectations surrounding him at every turn, becomes what he thinks of as The Ideal Klingon. He's stoic, he's gruff, he barely ever cracks a smile, and when you put him in the room with a bunch of diverse DS9 Klingons, he comes across as a caricature.

Let's look at some of the DS9 Klingons, and I think you'll see what I mean.

First up - Kaga, the Klingon chef. I personally love Kaga, and I wish we had gotten to see more of him. He's our first real indicator that Klingons in DS9 are Built Different. He's cheerful, he doesn't dress in a warrior's armor, he plays that Klingon accordion thing and sings to his patrons. He's a glimpse of what Klingons outside the military are probably like. I love that the DS9 writers did this, showcasing that Klingons [like so many of the non-Humans we get in DS9] are just people.

Next, we have Kor, the Dahar Master. Again, I adore Kor. In some ways he's a throwback to TOS Klingons, who were conniving, and mocking, and just generally Untrustworthy and would 100% stab you in the back if they thought it would get them what they wanted. But he's also a fantastic example of a DS9 Klingon. Kor is old, and tired, and kind of a drunk, and beginning to lose touch with his abilities and reality. But he's also clever, and cunning, and you can really see the intelligence and the ferocity that made him so formidable to Kirk and the TOS crew back in the day. And he's also charming and kind of a sweetheart, and he genuinely loves Dax like family. He's well-rounded in a way we don't get to see Worf be for a while. And even when we contrast Kor with Kang and Koloth, two other Klingons from the same era who align more with the TNG Stoic Warrior Man stereotype, you can see where their characters are much fuller. They have a history and a familiarity with each other and with Dax that really shines through. I mean, they swore blood oaths with a Trill. Yeah, Dax had to work really hard to be accepted by the Klingons, but once Curzon crossed that line, Kang, Koloth, and Kor were ride or die for Dax.

Third - General Martok. Martok is IMO the best foil to Worf, and sort of an example of who Worf might be someday [again, I haven't seen Worf in PIC yet]. And I really love Martok as someone who's very like Worf in a lot of ways, but also highlights how Worf has really made himself into a caricature of what Being A Klingon is all about. Yeah, Martok is big and tough and stoic, but you also see in the prison camp and later how that's not all of what Martok is. He has faith in and respect for his fellow prisoners in the camp, even the Romulans [who you'd think would be the last people a Klingon would ever trust or respect]. He's a Wife Guy, which I just adore. He's got a sharp sense of humor, he's got trauma from being held as a prisoner of the Dominion for so long, he's friends with Local Twink Julian Bashir.

Martok is also the one who talks Worf down from being such a hardline asshole. When Alexander comes aboard the Rotarran, it's Martok who helps them start to build a better relationship. When it looks like the Worf-Dax wedding is off, it's Martok who encourages Worf to soften his stance [yes, it's also implied Dax is pressured into apologizing to Sirella, but that's another post for another day]. Martok is the example of being a Stoic Warrior Man while also being a rounded person.

This isn't to say Worf doesn't grow on his own, but a lot of his growth happens in DS9 in ways that [to me] read as someone who's really only engaged in their culture in a vacuum or in an abstract way, and now he's hanging out with other Klingons, he's Making Friends with other Klingons, and he has the space [and is actively encouraged by other Klingon characters] to soften his stance and be a little more rounded.

I could also talk about Dax here, and her interactions with Klingon culture and how those affect Worf, but I think I'm done for now.

[august--and-everything-after]

So there have been a lot of times in my life (anywhere from a few days to months at a time) where I've felt too tired and unenergized to do anything. We could discuss this with respect to my depression but that's not what this post is about.

I tend to ramble, so the tl'dr is this: doing nothing often makes you more tired. The more you do in a day*, the more you are telling your body "hey we need energy to do this" and the more your body responds by providing that energy.

(*obviously up to a point, this whole post is meant only in relation to typical day-to-day life and YMMV with how much activity is a good amount for you – but I promise you it's not "no activity")

My rambling is under the cut tho for people who want to read more.

On some level it makes me mad that it works this way, but in my experience doing nothing generally makes me more tired, or at least keeps me in the cycle of apathy and inactivity. I might think of it as "resting" to have a day where I sleep in and loaf around and play video games the whole time, but at the end of the day I feel just as lethargic and unmotivated as I did before because this isn't resting, it's rotting.

What actually helps me is doing stuff. I tend to have more energy when I've done different things throughout the day, moved around, had different kinds of inputs and outputs. If I'm exhausted when I wake up and I spend the day doing nothing, I'll stay that way. But by and large, if I wake up exhausted and, for instance, drag myself thru the process of making a slightly more complicated breakfast (I'm talking just like an omelet or scrambled eggs vs crackers and cream cheese level of effort), and I maybe tackle some small chores, and do a bit of light stretching, and do a crossword puzzle or a craft, and play video games, and spend some time just chilling, and I mix these activities up so I'm not doing the same thing for hours and hours at a time then I feel way better by the end of the day.

Psychologically, we know that lack of stimulation is bad for your brain – it slows everything down, makes you feel depressed, etc. – and an adequate level of stimulation is necessary to feel good and energized and happy. (I mean good stimulation, not scrolling instagram all day type stimulation, but that's another post by itself).

My best guess as to what's happening physiologically is that your body adjusts how much energy it makes based on how much demand there is. We all know that you eat food and your body uses it for energy, but here's what's happening at the cellular level (highly simplified, the details are completely irrelevant here): your body breaks the food down into different molecules of carbohydrates, fats, proteins, etc., and then uses those molecules to make a different molecule called ATP. This molecule is vitally important to how your body functions because it's what makes so many different cellular processes work, including things like muscle contractions and nerve impulses. You can probably see how not having enough of that molecule going around can really slow you down and make you feel fatigued and foggy-headed.

Generally, biological organisms don't like wasting energy for no reason, and it takes energy to make energy. When your body "makes" energy, it's making the energy stored in different molecules into a form that is usable by your body. If there's a low demand for energy, your body won't waste the energy that it already has making more, since it's not being used. The stored energy can stay in storage. When you get more active tho, that activity signals to your body that there IS a need for energy, so it gets to work making more of that stored energy available, and then you're off to the races.

Huge caveat that I've not done additional research for this post, this is based on my education and personal knowledge, I'm not a doctor and this shouldn't be taken as medical advice, etc.

Feel free to hit me up with questions or comments about anything I said here, or general observations about my rambling wordiness and lack of flow lol

[theriverbeyond]

how quick did u start seeing changes on t? also as someone who is. Not a fan of needles how did/do you deal with injecting yourself?

Internally: immediately. possibility placebo, but I think hormonally T does impact uh, "arousal" immediately, and "arousal" is not something exclusively reserved for Being Horny. It's also like, mood and energy and such things. YMMMV

Physically: pretty quickly honestly, my voice dropped really fast (one of my only big "hm i dont like this" moments) and I had to start shaving my face at 2 months. I think I am a bit of an outlier in this respect though, and it largely depends on your genetics.

I am not sure how much I can help with needle phobia, I have never had a signifigant problem with needles. Injecting myself the first time vs just getting stabbed was kind of intimidating but I have learned how to do more difficult things over youtube before, and planned parenthood's video tutorials are very helpful.

The good thing is injection/needle anxiety is incredibly common, and lots of people with needle anxiety still need to self inject (i.e. diabetics), so there IS a lot of advice/help/devices out there if you are in that "physically able to inject yourself but it is still scary" zone.

They make auto injector attachments that help you inject (they're not actually 100% automatic but they usually hide the needle so you dont see it at least), and there's also a special perscription type of T (XYOSTED, iirc it is more expensive/harder to get) that comes in pre-fulled syringes, but you still have to hold it against your body and press a button to make it inject. For whatever it is worth, in my experience, I actually had MORE pain with subcutaneous injections (tiny needle), because the skin/fat is where it hurt the most, wheras with intramuscular injections (BIG needle) it goes past the skin/fat really quickly and into muscle which just isn't as sensitive. YMMV

They also make like, "prickle pads" I think? I've never used them but they help disperse the feeling of the poke. I think there are other tricks out there too, like numbing the area with ice or similar.

If you definitely can't do needles there is the option of gel (depending on your insurance or financial status), or having someone else inject it for you, be that a nurse or friend/family member.

[coochiekrab]

if i may be toy animal autism in your ask box for a moment. that looks like safari ltd’s bobcat which isnt bad but i know collectA and papo both have eurasian lynx figures that both look pretty good imo. i also checked the toyanimalwiki (yes. i know) and collectA also has a fairly nice fallow deer buck. ymmv of course. unfortunately collectA/papo dont really show up in US retail stores (at least in my experience) so your best bet (if you have any actual interest in getting them) are online toy stores, or resellers, though i just looked up those figures on ebay and ppl are wayyy overcharging for them

A fucking Wizard just showed up in my inbox

[sexboobomb]

What’s it like to want to be a girl?

possibly an impossible question sorry. I just have trouble telling the difference between wanting to present a certain way / pronouns / gender

So to preface, everyone’s experience is different, so ymmv. For me, it’s a difficult feeling to describe because I didn’t have as many of the “classic trans thoughts” growing up.

There are three big moments I can remember that really made me start thinking. The first was when an old friend visited after a long time away, and commented on how I “looked liked a neckbeard.” I had always hated shaving, and didn’t bother with caring for my facial hair, so it definitely looked bad, but I remember feeling like it was somehow inexplicably more than just “I look bad.”

The second was when Covid hit. Lockdown meant I couldn’t get my hair cut, so it got much longer than I’d ever had it before. I realized I loved having long hair, and knew pretty quickly that was why I’d never been satisfied with any of the hairstyles I’d tried previously. One day I was out playing MTG, and someone commented that I should get a haircut because I “looked like a girl,” and that felt far more confusing than I would have expected if I had interpreted it as just plain rude.

The third was at my second job. One day I came back from the weekend, and a coworker somehow misread my name tag. They laughed and told me they thought my name tag said “Vanessa,” and joked that they thought they must have missed some “big changes.” I thought about that one for weeks.

For me, I didn’t “want” to be a girl until I was already fully embracing being trans. My experience more one of “I can’t seem to get the hang of being a boy, and any time my assumed masculinity was disrupted it felt way more confusing than made sense.”

I didn’t try being feminine until after I started HRT. Instead I started out with the social side. I had friends I knew would be supportive, many of them trans themselves, so my first step was just saying “I’m going to try she/her pronouns for a bit. I want to see if it feels good, or at least less confusing.” And it did. It felt good, and from there I just kept trying new things and loving them all.

Nobody reasonable is ever gonna have a problem with you trying something new. You can’t be “fake trans” if you end up trying some small social transition things and learn that it’s not for you. My personal stance is, if it’s safe to do so, try new things! One way or another, you’ll get an answer.

[thegeminisage]

assorted personal quests, mostly. disclaimers so nobody comes for me:

EYE think mahariel wanted to stay and die with their clan rather than leaving bc they were in love w tamlen. ymmv

zevran of course could do just fine with anybody but i have a difficult time seeing with with nobility, ESPECIALLY human nobility, bc. yk. but i think alistair's general silliness plus his deep and recent grief works well with a cousland who has just lost everything and a cousland who has practice being noble works well as like. a partner to make the possibility of being king feel like scary and less like a cage.

not that zevran is not silly!! he is definitely silly! i just have my thots and feelings and i think some romances match up better with some wardens. i have the same opinion for all the games that have multiple origins (so, everything but da2).

further rambling about this under the cut (it's long)

back when i first played origins, i had this all planned out. i was gonna play once as each origin (though there was very little point in doing the circle mage twice) and i mapped out ahead of time which origins i thought would go best with which romances. (originally i did amell/alistair and then cousland/alistair and was gearing up to do a mahariel/zevran before i got burned out and put it down for the next 10+ years.) with the final additional disclaimer that obviously any warden DOES work with any romance when you believe in yourself and your mind palace, i've modified my opinions somewhat and they now look kind of like this:

brosca - would do great with zevran or leliana because of shared experiences re: people treating them like they are expendable and seeing the worst parts of society. i think either dwarf would do okay with morrigan (shared interest in the blight as a fact of life, not judgy about magic), though i have an easier time seeing morrigan with aeducan simply because she likes someone with manners and that doesn't feel like brosca's style lol, but i can't see a brosca with alistair at all...i think he'd be too close to nobility for them not to have a little bitterness and resentment when he expresses dismay at how things are going for him?? because. yk. things are not great for him, but he lacks the perspective of like. fucking dust town.

aeducan - they would work great w/ alistair for the reasons listed above, because they understand grief and betrayal and how nobility is its own sort of burden, but i think they'd do BEST with leliana, bc leliana having rubbed shoulders with nobility would lead to them to having similar life experiences and things to talk about (girl aeducan and leliana girl talk about shoes lol), AND bc leliana definitely intimately also knows betrayal that wrecks your entire life, and they can help each other figure out what comes after that. would do okay with morrigan as well for the reasons listed above. i have a harder time seeing them with zev because of the nobility thing...i don't think it would actively put him off necessarily just that he would find it easier to relax (as much as he ever relaxes) around someone of a similar like. social class. like, before all this, aeducan could have fucking hired him lol

cousland - would work very well w/ alistair and leliana for the reasons listed above, but also not a bad match for morrigan, because again, morrigan really likes when people have good manners, and cousland if one of the wardens more likely to have those - assuming the cousland in question isn't weird about mages, which i feel is a definite possibility. this is the romance i think works the least well with zevran though because like. cousland has elven servants at their HOUSE. zevran may not be actively put off by nobility but he definitely takes note of how the warden treats other people, esp people below them, and a cousland who isn't class and race conscious (and IS cousland really gonna be class and race conscious?) risks some, uh, blunders.

amell & surana - either mage warden would do best with morrigan i think, bc she can teach them to shapeshift, which is such a closely-held and important part of her identity, and it's very wonderful that it can be something she can share with a romantic partner (true of magic in general, also). either mage would also do okay with alistair, simply because of the natural tension born from the bond between a former circle mage and an almost templar (though imo the alistair/mage romance is not nearly as fun in that area as the cullen/mage romance from da:i), tho ofc if alistair becomes king he can't get hitched to a mage. for the specific difference between and amell and a surana, i think the former would do slightly better w leliana (higher potential for shared religion, amell is from a noble family but cut off from them so they both have that thing of knowing how all that works without truly being a part of it) and the latter would do slightly better with zevran (elves who got pulled away from their families at a young age!), though those would be my last picks for either of them.

mahariel - my first pick for mahariel would be zevran by a mile, because zevran has a bit of a fascination with the dalish (although what city elf wouldn't). and imo as i said earlier mahariel was probably ready to throw in the towel after tamlen disappeared. both them and zevran lose romantic partners under traumatic circumstances, become suicidal after, and are then confronted unexpectedly with seeing tamlen and taliesin again later...i think they'd have so much in common. second pick for mahariel would be morrigan because both of them have a strong connection with nature and don't really feel comfortable and at home in cities. leliana is third (she and the dalish share a love of oral tradition). i have the most trouble seeing mahariel with alistair but IT COULD WORK i feel like mahariel is in general more chill about humans than a tabris would be because mahariel doesn't have to take shit from them day in and day out

tabris - ZEVRAN ZEVRAN ZEVRAN. for the reasons stated above. they both know what it is to be expendable and a girl tabris especially understands what it is like to be sexualized by people you have no interest in, but in particular human men. i also enjoy a tabris who Does Not want to get married because they're too busy grieving for their mom to care about romance and so they go into this thing with zevran almost as clueless as he is. tabris is also the protagonist who has the biggest potential to have a hate-on for humans which makes zevran the obvious choice from the process of elimination alone. THAT SAID, a hate-on for humans could lead to an interesting relationship w alistair, esp if they wanna put him on the throne because they genuinely believe (or want to believe) he could do better by their people. i also think a tabris could do well with leliana bc iirc isn't their mom in leliana's dlc?? and i know their mom is someone they hold close to their heart, and also the main source of their bitterness re: humans, so it'd be nice for them to have something like memories of their mom to share with leliana. bonus points for a girl tabris w/ leliana bc being a woman is just like that. i am the least compelled by a morrigan/tabris romance but it's not like there's nothing there!! just that the others are better.

anyway my final lineup would look like, in order from most to least preferred...

brosca - zevran, leliana, morrigan, alistair

aeducan - leliana, alistair, morrigan, zevran

cousland - alistair, leliana, morrigan, zevran

amell - morrigan, alistair, leliana, zevran

surana - morrigan, alistair, zevran, leliana

mahariel - zevran, morrigan, leliana, alistair

tabris - zevran, leliana, alistair, morrigan

or, alternatively...

zevran - tabris, mahariel, brosca, surana, amell, aeducan, cousland

morrigan - amell, surana, mahariel, aeducan, cousland, brosca, tabris

alistair - cousland, tabris, amell, surana, aeducan, mahariel, brosca

leliana - aeducan, tabris, mahariel, brosca, cousland, amell, surana

YES there is an obvious bias for zevran and morrigan and ig also tabris DON'T. worry about it. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[theblob1958]

I hope this doesn't come across as condescending or rude, but speaking as somebody who struggles to connect with people too, I've found that (for me at least), it was easier to bridge that gap a little by trying to connect more with strangers or people who are more transient in your life...i.e. complimenting a stranger's shirt if it's something you're interested in/think is cool, making small talk with people in grocery stores, slowly getting to know the cashier at the convenience store you frequent. These interactions tend to be lower-stakes imo (in that you don't have to be super worried about impressions since you very well may never see that person again), but are still rewarding in their own way and can help you come out of your shell more/be more comfortable putting yourself out there if that's something that's a challenge for you (in my experience, people are pretty friendly if you are). Obviously every situation has nuance and ymmv so I don't mean to come across as presumptuous about you or your situation, but I hope this maybe helps a little, and either way I wish you luck in your endeavors :)

this isn't condescending at all, thank you for sending this <3 i've had a couple therapists say something along the same lines of this and i think it's really great advice, but this is something really difficult for me in practice. not because i wouldn't like to meet people or have a friendly interaction with a stranger, but i find it nearly insurmountable to start a conversation with someone, even a comment as simple as i like your shirt. and i was going to add something else to this reply but everything i typed made me sound like a helpless sad sack due to my issues, so instead i want to thank you again and i really appreciate you taking the time to write this just to offer a little anonymous help to someone on the internet, it means a lot

[infinitemachine]

Post-OGL Debacle D&D 5e Alternatives Round Up

After Wizards of the Coast screwed the pooch by trying to rescind the OGL several designers, youtubers, and TTRPG streamers decided to make their own D&D-adjacent games. Let's have a look at them! (These are not reviews, and I have not played or read many of these. Just an overview of the field for future reference. Please let me know if I've skipped any entries I should have included.)

Tales of the Valiant by Kobold Press is to D&D 5e as Pathfinder 1e was to D&D 3.5. It's basically the same experience as D&D, updated and tweaked, but recognizably still the same game. Like Paizo back in the day, Kobold Press is a highly rated third party D&D publisher, and this has a good chance of getting continued development and support. If you like 2014 5e but want some quality of life updates and don't want to support Wizards of the Coast, this is a great option for you. On the other hand, if you have the 2014 5e books and just want to keep playing them...no one's stopping you, and this may feel redundant. It's already available.

Draw Steel by MCDM is the RPG from Matthew Colville's company, announced very quickly after the OGL dooblydoo. This is not a 5e or D&D clone, but a new cinematic heroic fantasy RPG. While D&D is kind of locked into supporting several different directions and styles, Draw Steel purposefully eschews "zero-to-hero" character development and dungeon crawling. The characters start as powerful, competent heroes. If that's the style of play you want, this could be a good option! If you're interested in a steeper leveling experience or OSR rat-catching, maybe it's not the one? Draw Steel is still in development.

Daggerheart by Darrington Press is Critical Role's long-form fantasy RPG. Like Draw Steel, it is not a 5e clone, but an entirely new fantasy RPG system. Unlike Draw Steel (from what I've seen, correct me if I'm wrong) Daggerheart does not appear to require/support tactical miniature combat, so if that's your jam in D&D (and, honestly it kind of *is* for me) this may not scratch that itch. I wasn't really impressed with Candela Obscura, Darrington Press' previous RPG, but I'm still willing to give this a fair look when it's finished (if only to understand what's going on when the Critical Role team inevitably play it on stream). Daggerheart is still in development.

DC20 by The Dungeon Coach. Of the RPGs on this list this probably has my least favorite title, if only because it's based on a pun which itself requires knowledge of D&D mechanics to understand. I've heard the rules described as "5e and Pathfinder 2e's lovechild". The game itself seems to be a collection of often interesting homebrew rules; it's as if the author looked at each part of D&D, took it out, thought of something they liked better (maybe from PF2?), and replaced it with that. That means it could be a good game to try if you like D&D but want something a bit "more", or could be good resource for homebrew ideas to plug into your own "actual D&D" game. Available now.

Nimble by Nimble Co, like DC20, is an attempt to take the 5e rules and improve and streamline them, in a fairly modular way that would be easy to cross-pollinate into existing D&D games (according to the KS page, it's fully compatible with existing 5e adventure modules, monster books, and supplements). This one does seem a little more polished than DC20, at least in terms of production values. But ultimately, like DC20, whether you want to play the game as-is or how helpful as a resource it will be will depend on how much you like the adjustments to base-5e that they've made -- YMMV. Still in development.

Vagabond by Land of the Blind is an RPG by youtuber Indestructoboy (aka Taron Pounds). It appears to be more generally "D&D"-like rather than specifically 5e-like, if that makes sense. As such, it does advertise some compatibility with previous D&D editions, as well some more modern rules design ideas cross-pollinated from elsewhere (e.g., the monsters don't roll for attacks!). Like both DC20 and especially Nimble, it boasts a streamlined experience, particularly during combat. It's still in development.

[pen-and-umbra]

Abt CC, I think it made ASG work tho.The battle flashback says it all, with Gen and Seph bickering and Seph getting irritated and Angeal acting like a mother hen…that's the wholesome friendship right there packed into a single scene. It's clear throughout the game what kind of dynamics the trio had. 

YMMV. Crisis Core is a mixed bag for me. It got some things right; it got some things amiss. It managed to pull off convincing dynamics between Zack and Sephiroth, for example; they share sufficient screen time, and you can see the rapport and a kind of endearment between a junior and a senior colleague, which later organically flows into FFVII Rebirth. But when it comes to ASG friendship…not so much, given the lack of trio shared screen time and the fact that at least one of the characters communicates almost exclusively by rehashing the same poetry lines.  

Also YMMV, but in my perspective, the friendship between Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis did not feel genuinely balanced and harmonious. To me, it came off as if Sephiroth had always felt like a third wheel in the back of his mind, which was also fueled by his already present history of being left behind. Angeal and Genesis share a common past and an already established enduring bond; Angeal and Genesis are physiologically compatible for a blood transfusion, while Sephiroth is never given an explanation as to why he was rejected as a donor, or even properly acknowledged for attempting to be one; Genesis appears to desert with no parting word, then chooses to come open with Angeal but not Sephiroth; finally, the two of them disappear together, for the lack of a better word. Perhaps in some way, to Sephiroth, it felt like the two of them were more tight-knit, more closely bonded with each other than with him. It's just there in the way he quickly concludes that Angeal "abandoned" ShinRA as well, or in the way he never responds directly to Zack's question about whether the three of them were close. His response is ambiguous at best, as if he is unsure of it himself lately. Then there's a battle flashback that implies that, while Genesis was friendly, there was always a hint of jealousy and an attempt to instill rivalry over the hero title.

The most recent episode of First Soldier adds to this perspective. Most importantly, it demonstrates that Angeal, and Genesis by extension, had no idea what ShinRA was about until misfortune struck them directly following Genesis ailment. Or, in the case of Genesis, what it meant to be a ShinRA hero — a lie-filled campaign at best and a tool for murder at worst. It appears that Sephiroth never opened up about it. Or he did, but wasn't really HEARD — because in FS he blatantly talks about his take on the role ShinRA had forced onto him in front of Bachman and Angeal, but his words don't appear to be taken seriously. Either scenario calls ASG closeness into question, whether due to Sephiroth's tendency to keep his experiences private (he never comes clean about Rosen's death, letting Glenn project whatever motives on him) or on the part of A&G. It could easily be both. Young!Angeal's behavior in the most recent FS was bordering on overbearing in some instances, such as making rather ill-mannered statements about things he knew nothing about, namely Sephiroth's relationship with his former teammates. I'm sure Angeal's prodding over a recent and unhealed wound did not add to Sephiroth's sense of emotional security and caused just as much stress to Sephiroth as Sephiroth's crabbiness did to Angeal.

It all just makes you wonder.

[dilophosaurus-rex]

Hey, you did an ama about transitioning in a community I’m not part of, so I hope I can ask this way: does bottom growth hurt as much as (cis)people Try to make me believe, and does hair growth gel/cream actually work? And if you have experience with It, any brand recommendations?

(Additional bonus question: how to I figure out a good packer size and What is a good price for one/ were do I even look? Etsy?)

Im a pre-T late teen but socially transitioned for 4-5 years and like to belive I pass somewhat well, at least I never got in trouble in men’s bathrooms.

If you respond, could you please tag me?

Have a nice day :)

@charlesartthings

Totally fine to send an ask!

Idk where the heck this whole "bottom growth is pain n suffering" thing is coming from, u arent the first person I've seen worried about it.

There -might- be some minor growing aches at first, it's temporary and u can just take like, an ibuprofen or something. Honestly growing boobs hurt waaaay worse 🤷‍♂️

---

I did use minoxidil on my face for a bit in the early days on T. It can help, but my skin is too sensitive, gave me like a chemical burn/rash. Ymmv.

Also i think its dangerous to cats? So if you have kitties don't let them near ur face for a while after you use it.

Unfortunately the best thing is just time. My beard didn't really pop off until around year 4ish? The time will pass anyway but the waiting sucks when you're in it.

---

Packing is the best! Makes me way more confident and comfortable.

Packer size depends a lot on

1. Your size/weight, Im essentially a short king gay bear so i tend to go for slightly bigger ones. Feels natural to have the bulge match the belly lol

2. Your pants situation. Tighter clothes=smaller packer. Unless you're going for the Boner Look on purpose lol

I have a few different size ones i use for different situations. Am i going to a job interview? Visiting family? The bar? Chilling at home?

I'm also a furry (if it wasn't obvious from the icon lol) so my silicone recommendations are mostly from small furry businesses. My absolute favorite one is Lennex the dancing Bear from Kudu Voodoo.

If i had only my two sizes of Lennex (small and mini) id be perfectly fine for any situation tbh. The mini is Really small I use it for tight pants or if I'm in polite company.

I wouldn't spend less than like $35-40 on a packer. You can find cheaper ones but. You wanna be careful about the Quality of something that's pressed up against your neithers all day.

You dont need money to pack tho if you arent sure it's for you yet!

I started off with just using a rolled up sock in a jock strap under my boxers when i was,, 16ish ?

The jock strap-under-boxers setup is still my go-to when im packing! Learned the hard way you want something keeping it secure when i was around your age and my first packer fell out of my pant-leg at a McDonald's lmfao

I have a few pairs of underwear with the packing pouch which is nice, but tbh its usually not quite tight enough and it flops around or rotates more than id like.