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Monte Cook has a very strange and varied history as an RPG designer and writer but the best way I could sum it all up is: Monte Cook is an RPG auteur for D&D players.

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HOBBES vs. TIGGER cage match TO THE DEATH say goodbye to your childhood because ONE! WILL!! DIE!!!!

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@nerdacious This reminded me of our recent conversation.

He's saying what we've all been thinking

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captain afab is honestly a very relatable character because whomst among us does not have some great beast that has eluded us all our lives. mine, for instance, is a decent night's sleep.

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I am so disgusted by what Rings of Power did to Galadriel.

First of all, according to canon, Galadriel was the one who didn't trust Annatar. She was literally one of the few Elves who was suspicious of him. Celebrimbor is the one who Sauron most successfully manipulated. So what does Rings of Power do? It has Galadriel be completely tricked and manipulated by Sauron the whole time, of course. But it doesn't stop there... it also gives them a completely bizarre and unjustifiable romantic relationship. Seriously, what the hell?

Even if it weren't for Celeborn—you know, the guy Galadriel is actually married to, the one who gave her that name—it's literally canon that she wasn't fooled by Annatar. She wouldn't have a fucking will-they-won't-they romantic relationship with him, either.

And this storyline isn't just completely against canon, it also fucks up her story arc. Because now in the Rings of Power version of the story, Galadriel's temptation with the One Ring is just about a man she was romantically attached to. And her repudiation of Sauron is just her rejecting him.

In Tolkien's actual writing, Galadriel was not tricked by Sauron, and she hated him, and when it comes to the temptation of power it had nothing to do with a personal (let alone romantic) relationship with Sauron—why do I have to spell this out? She desired a realm of her own to rule, and the One Ring tempted her because with it she would have been able to delay the fading of Lothlórien.

But no. Amazon just has to shoehorn in some creepy romantic relationship between Galadriel and Sauron OF ALL PEOPLE. What the fuck. Who the hell thought this was a good plotline? Shitty writers always do this—they're like ooh look at me, I'm going to write a female main character, and then they make her entire plotline subservient to a man.

(This isn't even touching on all the other things wrong with the portrayal of Galadriel, like how the showrunners call her "young Galadriel" but she's literally older than most of the other characters in the show. Or how she's shown as this bratty young woman who has zero skill with diplomacy, instead of the wise leader she would be by the time of the Second Age. Or how she's canonically tall and athletic, but she's portrayed by a short, petite actress. Or how she's related to the Teleri, who had their boats stolen after the First Kinslaying, but in the show she tries to steal a boat...)

But seriously, a romantic relationship between Galadriel and Sauron? I knew this show was going to be shit, but wow. They really outdid themselves with this.

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A Coelophysis pair enjoying the early morning hours

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Edoras by Alan Lee

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Concepts like sex magic and fertility deities in fantasy are actually really interesting to me as a person with a lot of interest in anthropology and mythology like Yes I am curious about the weird sex that elves have but its pretty much exclusively explored by authors who are Weird Horny Dudes and forget about putting that stuff into a d&d campaign

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Hello! I'm trying to make a list of dracula adaptations to watch, and I was wondering, which ones are your faves? Are there any you'd advise not to waste my time on? Thanks!

Oh, this is the best ask, thank you! I love talking about this.

I always say that these are the five Dracula movies which will give you the clearest sense of the arc of adaptation the story has taken over time:

Nosferatu (dir. F.W. Murnau, 1922)

Dracula (dir. Tod Browning, 1931)

Dracula/Horror of Dracula (dir. Terrence Fisher, 1958)

Dracula (dir. John Badham, 1979)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (dir. Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)

However, this is not the same as a list of my favorites! I think that all of those are pretty essential viewing for a comprehensive understanding of the world of Dracula adaptations, even though I virulently hate the Coppola, and would happily bestow on you all the permission needed not to waste your time on it, despite it being tremendously influential.

My alternative list of weird personal favorite Dracula adaptations aside from the above (Murnau and likely Badham’s films would make their way onto a comprehensive list of my favorites) would be the following:

Nosferatu (dir. Werner Herzog, 1979) - my first Dracula, my favorite Dracula, and also my favorite film period. Watch it watch it watch it.

Drácula (dir. George Melford, 1932) - made on the same sets as the Browning film, with Spanish-speaking actors who came in and filmed after the cast of the English version were done, this film as a fascinating comparison to the iconic Browning/Lugosi film, and better done in almost every way, solving many of the English version’s plot holes.

Count Dracula (Jesús Franco, 1970) - Franco was a Spanish B movie director who made tremendously trashy films but also made some inspired casting choices. He lured Christopher Lee into playing Dracula again for this by promising him the chance to actually say some of the speeches from the books (Hammer films never let him do this), and somehow also got Klaus Kinski to play a visionary wordless Renfield. The movie itself is a mess, but how can you care?

Dracula (dir. Bill Eagles, 2006) - this is a very odd BBC film that changes the plot around dramatically but somehow still retains the essence of many the characters, who are charmingly cast, especially Lucy, Mina, and Jack. It’s weakened by a really badly played Dracula, but is a lot of fun for fans of the book.

If you want to go into the depths of the weirdness, I recommend you try:

Blood for Dracula (dir. Paul Morissey, 1974) - this Warhol-influenced oddity is impossible to truly describe; it’s full of strangely placed (but sometimes intensely hilarious) humor, very graphic sex scenes, and just...strangeness. Warning that there are some very weird and rather tasteless sexual assault scenes, but if you’re up for the weirdness, it is not to be missed.

Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary (dir. Guy Maddin, 2002) - this is the silent film ballet Dracula. It doesn’t always work, but it is certainly going for something.

I have not yet managed to see Dracula in Istanbul or this apparently crazy Czech film called Jonathan (in which, according to my reading, the vampires are a metaphor for capitalism), so cannot speak to those.

As for what can be skipped...you will miss out on very little if you skip Van Helsing, Dracula 2000, Dracula Untold (which is not even really a Dracula adaptation proper), or the newest BBC Dracula. 

I admit to getting the 1968 Mystery and Imagination Dracula, the 1974 Dan Curtis/Jack Palance Dracula, and the 1977 Louis Jourdan Dracula confused at times, but there is good reason for that; none of them is especially exciting or original, though each do have their good moment (and their fans, who I hope I am not too sorely offending here!). If you are choosing one of those three, I would go with the 1977; Louis Jourdan gives an interestingly understated performance, and they have some interesting Renfield-Mina interaction that other versions don’t have.

Once you watch The Horror of Dracula, you’ll have a sense of whether or not you like the Hammer film style, and you should know from there whether you want to watch the rest of them. 

Have fun!

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Corollary to the important Dracula movies post, here's a more general recommended and/or representative vampire movie curriculum; there's some overlap between the two lists, of course.

This list does include my personal favorite vampire movies and sometimes it's skewed a little to my taste rather than to what's most important in the genre, but I also think it's 25 movies that would make a pretty interesting education in vampire film.

1922-1964 (fundamental, genre-defining)

Nosferatu (dir. F.W. Murnau, 1922)

Dracula (dir. Tod Browning, 1931)

Vampyr (dir. Carl Th. Dreyer, 1932)

Dracula's Daughter (dir. Lambert Hillyer, 1936)

Dracula/Horror of Dracula (dir. Terrence Fisher, 1958)

The Last Man on Earth (dir. Sidney Salkow, 1964)

1970-1982 (experimentation in multiple directions)

The Nude Vampire (dir. Jean Rollin, 1970)

The Vampire Lovers (dir. Roy Ward Baker, 1970)

Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (dir. Jaromil Jires, 1970)

Daughters of Darkness (dir. Harry Kumel, 1971)

The Velvet Vampire (dir. Stephanie Rothman, 1971)

Dracula A.D. 1972 (dir. Alan Gibson, 1972)

Ganja & Hess (dir. Bill Gunn, 1973)

Blood for Dracula (dir. Paul Morissey, 1974)

Dracula (dir. John Badham, 1979)

Nosferatu (dir. Werner Herzog, 1979)

Fascination (dir. Jean Rollin, 1979)

The Living Dead Girl (dir. Jean Rollin, 1982)

1983-present (the contemporary vampire film, of various types)

The Hunger (dir. Tony Scott, 1983)

Near Dark (dir. Kathryn Bigelow, 1987)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (dir. Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)

Interview with the Vampire (dir. Neil Jordan, 1994)

Shadow of the Vampire (dir. E. Elias Merhige, 2000)

Let the Right One In (dir. Thomas Alfredson, 2008)

Thirst (dir. Park Chan-Wook, 2009)

Byzantium (dir. Neil Jordan, 2012)

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Insomnia by Vincenzo Lamolinara

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source

I think Moby Dick might be cosmic horror. Captain Ahab is like "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND it's not a whale. God is an evil master controlling every living human like a puppet, free will is an illusion, we are caught in a cruel trap made by god. THAT WHALE IS THE MASK OF THAT GOD"

HE THINKS HE THINKS if he can kill the whale, he can break humanity free of the bonds of GOD. and our narrator boy Ishmael is like "uh...i think it might just be a big whale and you have trauma" BUT THEN AT THE END ISHMAEL SEES IT and he's like "oh no. it's god"

and like. IT KILLS EVERYONE IT EATS AHAB AND DRAGS HIM INTO HELL SCREAMING. it IS god. nature is god.

god what a good story

i love too that if you know it from pop culture you know Ahab's leg was eaten by the whale? well thats the more soft version, in the story proper you hear he was basically CHEWED ALIVE, his whole body is held together with HATE and THE WILL TO KILL GOD and WHALE BONE PROSTHETICS.

AT SOME POINT he just HOLDS SOME LIGHTNING and everyone is like "Captain ahab is so cool i'd die for him" and the only one going "hey this seems weird" is the main character

but yeah every time i'm like "GOD MOBY DICK IS SO GOOD" people are like "the whale hunting story?? with the stinky boring men???" and i get sad.

Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I’d strike the sun if it insulted me!

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studio ghibli movies are like if someone took all of your fondest, softest childhood dreams and put them into a film

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Spinosaurus fight Scene

La Brea season 3