#at least according to list in the beginning

[adieutristana]

pins and needles; jinx x fem!reader

this one’s been on my mind for a while, i’m excited to finally be writing it… i’m still debating internally whether or not i want to write smut but if this gets a positive reception maybe i’ll make a part 2 with it. maybe

summary; jinx offers to be a makeshift dress form for her girlfriend.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; seamstress!reader, SUGGESTIVE, tension, fluff, reader is oblivious, idrk what else

men and minors dni.

you swear, sometimes these clients are trying to get under your skin purposefully.

houndstooth carpenter pants. it sounds simple enough on paper, but you know better. the fact that carpenter pants are a pain in their ass on their own, houndstooth is less than ideal to work with, and you have to line up a pattern on both sides. worst of all, this client has a deadline. good thing you charged your client extra.

you did your work, and you did it well. good turnaround time, quality products, flexible customer service skills, and reasonable prices made you one of the most sought-after seamstresses in zaun. you're often booked out for at least four months at a time, a lengthy list of garments to make.

you've designed nearly everything there is to design. from casual loungewear, to work clothing, to formalwear for clients coming to you from piltover, to even wedding dresses. it's an honest living.

jinx has always been supportive, despite the fact she doesn't understand the first thing about sewing. kind of like how you don't understand anything about her explosives, but you still sit in her hideout with her, watching as she works. goggles over those pretty eyes, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth in intense concentration. it's adorable, really.

you're sat in your studio with your girlfriend behind you, sitting in a backwards-facing chair with her legs on either side. count on jinx to never sit properly... ugh.

you've finished drafting a pattern according to the client's measurements. now for the fun part, cutting fabric. you've got two variations of houndstooth before you, one a more thick material, the other a bit more thin and breathable.

"hey, jinx? could you stand up for a second?"

the girl looks up at you, quizzical, but slowly swings one of her legs over the chair, standing up straight. you grab both spools of fabric, and walk over to her. you drape them across either of her shoulders, looking side to side with furrowed brows.

"which one do you think is better?"

she looks down at her shoulders, reaching up to feel one of the materials between two of her fingers.

"i don't know... you're the seamstress, toots."

"if you had to choose?"

"uh... i don't know. i guess this one?"

she says, pointing to the fabric draped over her right shoulder. the thicker one. you sigh, quickly taking both materials off of her and placing them back on your table. you just have to hope your needle won't break in the middle of sewing.

you sit down on your stool, carefully pinning your pattern pieces to the fabric before beginning to cut them out. scissors steady on the thick material, the only sounds filling the space being your nervous breathing and the sound of cutting. you're so focused, it's honestly adorable to jinx.

once you're finished cutting fabric, you rotate in your stool to be facing your dress form. you've figured out by now just how to adjust it to fit the proportions of each client, making a perfect fit without them even being in the room. you grab one of your pin cushions from a drawer, setting it on the table to begin putting it on the dress form. you reach out to grab one of the knobs, twisting it to make the hip and thigh area move inwards slightly.

except it won't move.

the knob is turning, the form should be adjusting. you've done this countless times, and this particular dress form has never failed you. why is it doing this now, during one of your most dreaded sessions?

jinx watches in silence, hearing the way you grunt as you try to push it in various directions and continuously turn the knob. but nothing is working. she sees the frustration in your expression, the way your lips are pressed into a thin line as you try to get it back into shape. jinx slowly stands back up from her chair, approaching you with caution.

"do you want me to try...?"

you give a defeated sigh.

"sure. maybe you'll see something that i'm not."

the girl approaches your dress form, trying to turn the knobs, adjust it, reach under it, shake it, look for a pedal on the stand, anything. her brows knit together in growing frustration, before she begins smacking the form, trying to get it to just move.

"alright, jinx, that's enough."

you chuckle, gently grasping her shoulders. you slowly guide her away, moving backwards towards the chair she was sitting on as she grumbles.

"i was just trying to help."

"i know, baby. but i'll figure something out."

you assure her, trying to give her a soothing smile. it doesn't do much, evidently, her gaze flickering down. she doesn't like not being able to help you.

until she looks up at you, wide-eyed. oh, god... you've seen that look before. jinx has an idea.

"why don't you use me?"

she offers. you tilt your head slightly, crossing your arms over your chest. you look her up and down, then peer back at the measurements written down on a sheet behind you. they were pretty similar in size, from the looks of it... not that you had measured jinx. but you'd gotten to the point in your career where you could get a pretty good guess just by looking at someone.

"as a dress form?"

you check.

"yeah, what else?"

you think it over for a second, and sigh. it's not like you have a better option right now, and it was honestly sweet of jinx to offer herself like that. how could you say no to that pretty face?

"alright, love. stand up for me, and stay still."

you say, gathering the pieces for the left half of the garment. you turn back to jinx, and begin to pin them together, starting at her lower leg. at least you wouldn't have to sew a cuff. you gently tap one of her outer thighs.

"a little wider for me, jinx."

she quietly complies, widening her stance slightly. you guide one of her long braids behind her back for easier access. you pin on the inside of her lower leg, looking to see if the pattern was even along the open edge. it's a bit difficult to tell when the fabric is turned inside out, but it looks alright so far. you'd find out when you turned it right side out.

this is difficult to do standing up.

you drop to your knees in front of jinx, grabbing the pin cushion and working up to the fabric around her knee. not noticing the way she looks down at you wide-eyed, or the way that her breath catches in her throat.

you move over slightly to the leg you're working on, grasping the fabric's edge around her inner thigh, holding it closed. she's... a bit shaky, shifting.

you look up at her with pursed lips and furrowed brows, confused. why is she moving all of a sudden?

"stop moving... i don't want to accidentally stab you."

you mutter, going back to pinning the fabric. just a few more moments, a few more pins, and this side will be done. you grasp the sides of jinx's hips, gently coaxing her to turn around.

"turn around for me... yes, like that."

jinx's breath is getting faster, the air in the room suddenly feels more warm. it's getting more difficult by the second to stand still and let you do this, but she agreed to let you do this. she has to control herself.

you look at the material from the back, pinching in a few areas to make sure the fit is right before you make any permanent stitches- which makes jinx that much more restless.

"why are you moving so much?"

you ask, no malice in your tone. you're genuinely curious. is something wrong?

"i'm sorry..."

"what are you sorry for? i didn't accidentally poke you, did i?"

jinx swallows, and lets out a shaky breath.

"no, i'm fine..."

you nod slowly, deciding silently to not press the issue any further. you suspect jinx isn't telling you the full truth, but she can tell you if something is truly wrong. you turn her by her hips a few more times, looking at the pinned seam on the inside of her leg. making sure the houndstooth pattern matches at the seam, the pattern is going straight up her leg.

you shift around on your knees a few more times, craning your head and moving the fabric to make sure that everything is perfect before you move to the other side or begin sewing. you sigh, climbing up on one knee to stand up.

you look over it one more time, crossing your arms over your chest. you gently remove the pins from the fabric, leaving just enough to hold them together for your seams. slowly sliding the material off of her and immediately going to your sewing machine, you sit back on your stool.

as you run the material back and forth in the machine, foot pressing down on the pedal, all jinx can see is the way you're working it. nimble fingers slowly guiding fabric, brows knitted in concentration, your lower lip caught under your top teeth.

the loud whirring of your sewing machine is almost torture to jinx, and you somehow can't get the nagging feeling out of your head that something is wrong. something jinx isn't telling you. you look back over your shoulder, you have to check on her.

huh.

"you... sure you're okay, jinx?"

she nods slowly, trying to hold eye contact with you.

"you look a little... flushed..."

[sonicboomseason3]

a brief recap of what has been going on with the sonic movieverse in the past several months:

paramount has come out in public support of israel

keanu reeves, a man who has publicly rubbed elbows with none other than benjamin netanyahu, reportedly gets cast as shadow for the upcoming third movie

james marsden, the guy who plays tom, got exposed as having written a letter of support for a convicted pedophile

there's fucking??? zionist propaganda in the knuckles series???

kind of connected to the last point but adam pally, the guy who plays wade, is evidently pro-israel too

this is a complete and utter joke.

EDIT AS OF 4/30/24: if people see this version of the post, i'd really appreciate it if you reblog it instead of the other versions, as it's the most updated one with all the information that i want included. thank you :]

you know, it's been a few days since i've made this post, and some of you (not most) are staying determined in defending/justifying/giving the benefit of the doubt to keanu for that photo with netanyahu, whether it's because "it was a decade ago," "him being civil to someone he ran into at a party one time doesn't mean anything," "he's probably just silent because his pr managers won't allow him to speak up," etc. i've made my thoughts on the matter quite clear by directly responding to these people, but at this point, i'm tired of both seeing them in my notes and repeating myself, so take this as my final word on the issue.

i can't help it if you don't think the photo with netanyahu is damning, and i'm done engaging with everyone going out of their way to tell me that. i obviously disagree, especially after finding out that 1. the host of the party, arnon milchan, is a former israeli spy who has a history of developing israel's nuclear program and promoting apartheid in south africa (information that had broken out a few months prior to the party and thus would've been fresh news around the time keanu chose to attend) and 2. keanu has been caught hanging around at least two other weirdos, but if you don't find any of that to be cause for reasonable concern, then there really is nothing else i can say afaik.

with all that said, i'm beginning to realize how strange it is that these people's first instinct when seeing this post is to start debating about keanu's political stances without ever acknowledging any of the other bullet points. you guys realize that this isn't just about him, right? i know tumblr reading comprehension is known for being piss-poor, but like… you realize that i was trying to make a point of how there are MULTIPLE terrible things that have broken out about the people and company involved in the sonic movies, right? and yet, a lot of the people leaping to speak on keanu's behalf in my notes are completely ignoring the parts where i bring up paramount, pally, etc. all in favor of zeroing in on the singular point about keanu and making bad faith assumptions about me for holding him accountable. really makes one wonder where your priorities lie if, in a post that talks about so many other things, me accusing an a-list celebrity with, according to google, a net worth of almost $400 million is where you draw the line and apparently the only thing worth your acknowledgment.

ultimately, what i'm trying to say is that the intention of this post was just to gather up everything that i had been hearing for the past several months and put it all together in one place. there were a bunch of people who didn't know about at least one of the bullet points before seeing this post, and i'm glad that i could help inform them, that was what i was hoping to do! but as for the keanu thing, i've said pretty much all i can say for now, and i don't want to derail the original post even more than i may have already. unless something new comes up, i'm done talking about him.

[5ummit]

AO3 Ship Stats: Year In Bad Data

You may have seen this AO3 Year In Review.

It hasn’t crossed my tumblr dash but it sure is circulating on twitter with 3.5M views, 10K likes, 17K retweets and counting. Normally this would be great! I love data and charts and comparisons!

Except this data is GARBAGE and belongs in the TRASH.

I first noticed something fishy when I realized that Steve/Bucky – the 5th largest ship on AO3 by total fic count – wasn’t on this Top 100 list anywhere. I know Marvel’s popularity has fallen in recent years, but not that much. Especially considering some of the other ships that made it on the list. You mean to tell me a femslash HP ship (Mary MacDonald/Lily Potter) in which one half of the pairing was so minor I had to look up her name because she was only mentioned once in a single flashback scene beat fandom juggernaut Stucky? I call bullshit.

Now obviously jumping to conclusions based on gut instinct alone is horrible practice... but it is a good place to start. So let’s look at the actual numbers and discover why this entire dataset sits on a throne of lies.

Here are the results of filtering the Steve/Bucky tag for all works created between Jan 1, 2023 and Dec 31, 2023:

Not only would that place Steve/Bucky at #23 on this list, if the other counts are correct (hint: they're not), it’s also well above the 1520-new-work cutoff of the #100 spot. So how the fuck is it not on the list? Let’s check out the author’s FAQ to see if there’s some important factor we’re missing.

The first thing you’ll probably notice in the FAQ is that the data is being scraped from publicly available works. That means anything privated and only accessible to logged-in users isn’t counted. This is Sin #1. Already the data is inaccurate because we’re not actually counting all of the published fics, but the bots needed to do data collection on this scale can't easily scrape privated fics so I kinda get it. We’ll roll with this for now and see if it at least makes the numbers make more sense:

Nope. Logging out only reduced the total by a couple hundred. Even if one were to choose the most restrictive possible definition of "new works" and filter out all crossovers and incomplete fics, Steve/Bucky would still have a yearly total of 2,305. Yet the list claims their total is somewhere below 1,500? What the fuck is going on here?

Let’s look at another ship for comparison. This time one that’s very recent and popular enough to make it on the list so we have an actual reference value for comparison: Nick/Charlie (Heartstopper). According to the list, this ship sits at #34 this year with a total of 2630 new works. But what’s AO3 say?

Off by a hundred or so but the values are much closer at least!

If we dig further into the FAQ though we discover Sin #2 (and the most egregious): the counting method. The yearly fic counts are NOT determined by filtering for a certain time period, they’re determined by simply taking a snapshot of the total number of fics in a ship tag at the end of the year and subtracting the previous end-of-year total. For example, if you check a ship tag on Jan 1, 2023 and it has 10,000 fics and check it again on Jan 1, 2024 and it now has 12,000 fics, the difference (2,000) would be the number of "new works" on this chart.

At first glance this subtraction method might seem like a perfectly valid way to count fics, and it’s certainly the easiest way, but it can and did have major consequences to the point of making the entire dataset functionally meaningless. Why? If any older works are deleted or privated, every single one of those will be subtracted from the current year fic count. And to make the problem even worse, beginning at the end of last year there was a big scare about AI scraping fics from AO3, which caused hundreds, if not thousands, of users to lock down their fics or delete them.

The magnitude of this fuck up may not be immediately obvious so let’s look at an example to see how this works in practice.

Say we have two ships. Ship A is more than a decade old with a large fanbase. Ship B is only a couple years old but gaining traction. On Jan 1, 2023, Ship A had a catalog of 50,000 fics and ship B had 5,000. Both ships have 3,000 new works published in 2023. However, 4% of the older works in each fandom were either privated or deleted during that same time (this percentage is was just chosen to make the math easy but it’s close to reality).

Ship A: 50,000 x 4% = 2,000 removed works Ship B: 5,000 x 4% = 200 removed works

Ship A: 3,000 - 2,000 = 1,000 "new" works Ship B: 3,000 - 200 = 2,800 "new" works

This gives Ship A a net gain of 1,000 and Ship B a net gain of 2,800 despite both fandoms producing the exact same number of new works that year. And neither one of these reported counts are the actual new works count (3,000). THIS explains the drastic difference in ranking between a ship like Steve/Bucky and Nick/Charlie.

How is this a useful measure of anything? You can't draw any conclusions about the current size and popularity of a fandom based on this data.

With this system, not only is the reported "new works" count incorrect, the older, larger fandom will always be punished and it’s count disproportionately reduced simply for the sin of being an older, larger fandom. This example doesn’t even take into account that people are going to be way more likely to delete an old fic they're no longer proud of in a fandom they no longer care about than a fic that was just written, so the deletion percentage for the older fandom should theoretically be even larger in comparison.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the author of this "study" KNEW the data was tainted and chose to present it as meaningful anyway. You will only find this if you click through to the FAQ and read about the author’s methodology, something 99.99% of people will NOT do (and even those who do may not understand the true significance of this problem):

The author may try to argue their post states that the tags "which had the greatest gain in total public fanworks” are shown on the chart, which makes it not a lie, but a error on the viewer’s part in not interpreting their data correctly. This is bullshit. Their chart CLEARLY titles the fic count column “New Works” which it explicitly is NOT, by their own admission! It should be titled “Net Gain in Works” or something similar.

Even if it were correctly titled though, the general public would not understand the difference, would interpret the numbers as new works anyway (because net gain is functionally meaningless as we've just discovered), and would base conclusions on their incorrect assumptions. There’s no getting around that… other than doing the counts correctly in the first place. This would be a much larger task but I strongly believe you shouldn’t take on a project like this if you can’t do it right.

To sum up, just because someone put a lot of work into gathering data and making a nice color-coded chart, doesn’t mean the data is GOOD or VALUABLE.

[mytheoristavenue]

DS Kyojuro Rengoku x Reader 🍋 - Something In The Air

Kinktober 2024 - II

Sex pollen + public sex

Summary: You've been training to go out for missions with Rengoku for ages, but nothing could have prepared you to have a demon with the power to stimulate arousal- in the middle of a crowded market, no less!

Warnings: Sex pollen trope, public sex, unprotected sex, creampie, fem!reader, breeding, rushed/short, fluffy ending, pregnancy, Senjuro mentioned, mentor x mentee dynamic at first

You could hardly contain your enthusiasm, you'd trained for what felt like forever in order to have the privilege of accompanying hashiras on missions. Today was finally the day of your first one and you couldn't be more excited to show off what you could do- especially to the man walking beside you. You'd admired Rengoku ever since meeting him shortly after final selection and it was only natural that that respect would grow into attraction the more you got to know him.

Currently, he led you to a bustling trade village, home to a well-known market which many people tended to come far distances to attend. He was rattling off lists of why this market was so special, and you were trying to listen in earnest, but you couldn't focus, too stuck on some sweet smell that had suddenly hit your nose. Apparently, he smelled it too.

"I love coming to this market," He smiled over his shoulder at you. "It's a long pathway, filled with all things tasty." You couldn't help but giggle at his sunny disposition, feeling even more fond of him than you usually did. "Though, I've never smelt this scent before, one of the vendors must have something new to offer. We should try it before we leave, providing the demon doesn't cause too much damage to the surrounding area, of course."

You nodded with a shy smile, catching up to him as the village came into view. Dusk was beginning to settle in and the many lights of the town were starting to flicker on. It was like watching the market awaken over the horizon, casting a lovely amber glow over the pair of you.

As you drew nearer, that smell persisted, gaining potency with every step. The saccharine aroma began to overwhelm your senses as you approach the village gate, so you decided to pick up the conversation, hoping to distract yourself. "So, do we know anything about this demon?"

Rengoku thought for a moment before smiling again. "I took the time to do some reconanance before this trip," He began, slowing his pace so you could walk side by side with him with less issue. "It would appear this demon is match maker."

"A match maker?" You repeated curiously. "Like someone who arranges marriages?"

"Precisely." He replied with a proud grin. "According to locals, marriage and birth rates in this area have skyrocketed over the last decade."

"Isn't that a good thing?" You tilted your head up to look at him, something that made his heart skip a beat. "What's so bad about people falling in love?"

"Love is a human emotion, it's not something that a demon can feel or replicate." He explained, quickly regaining his composure. "So what these people are experiencing is just an intense, prolonged infatuation, they're not actually falling in love. The effects seem to wear off after about a year, or when stress is introduced to the relationship."

"And babies can be quite stressful," You finish his thought, filling him with pride at your intuitiveness. "And divorce isn't legal in Japan, so these people are just stuck in loveless marriages. How awful! Why would any demon do this, just toy with people's hearts?"

"It would seem the children of these unions have been going missing," Rengoku reveals, suddenly turning serious. "It's possible one of the reasons is to cultivate a lasting food source." You were horrified, to say the least. Interfering with the hearts of men, eating children? Just how evil was this demon? "Don't fret, my dear," His voice suddenly pulled you out of your thoughts, charming and full of tender confidence. "Together, you and I will slay this demon and free this village from its torment."

"And what about the couples affected by it?" You asked quietly, thoughts flooding back in quicker than he could dispel them.

"We can only hope that they'll genuinely fall in love through bonding over their shared experience." His smile faded a bit upon realizing he couldn't fully put you at ease, but was somewhat relieved when you asked a slightly unrelated question.

"So, how will we know when we find this demon or their work?" You asked curiously, tilting your head up at him again. This time, not only did his heart skip a beat, but he also felt heat pool in his belly. It must be some sort of anxiety for the battle ahead, he decided.

"Rumor has it that the demon puts off a distinct smell that's been likened to sugared flower-" Suddenly, he paused, pale as he swallowed dryly. "Petals..." How could he be so naive? That heavenly aroma was never a new type of pastry sold at the market. He'd lead you both into a trap. "Plug your nose, now."

You stiffened as his tone suddenly turned sharp and you wondered if you'd angered him, raising your hand to cover your nose with your haori sleeve. "Mr. Rengoku is everything-"

"Hold your breath." His command killed the words on your lips and you sucked in a deep breath, holding it in your cheeks as you followed him into the village.

Rengoku's mind raced. Had the power already begun to take effect, or did he have time? Was there an antidote or some way to dull the reaction? In the back of his mind, he knew it was too late, he could smell it for miles back, God knows how long you'd both been exposed. A tug at his sleeve stopped him dead in his tracks and his thoughts shattered like glass. Looking back at you stalled him like a car with a ruined transmission.

You looked like an absolute mess. Cheeks red and burning, eyes tired and submissive with brows knitted upwards. Had your lower face not been obscured, he would have seen the drool dripping down your chin.

"S-Sir, I don't feel well..." You confessed timidly, hoping he wouldn't look down on you too harshly. Instead, he softened, pulling you close with a hand on the small of your back, pushing his needs aside in favor of yours. "You're going to be just fine, my dear, I swear it." He reassured though he wasn't sure if even he believed it to be true.

He led you through the bustling market, expertly dodging pedestrians and obstacles alike, before pulling you into an alleyway to explain things more privately. "Don't be alarmed, everything will be alright." He started, resting you against the wall. "I believe we've been poisoned by the demon's scent, but rest assured, my intentions are pure." Nothing could have possibly made you think otherwise, you were so enchanted with him. "I fear this reaction could have dire consequences for us if we don't find a way to satiate it, but I swear to you, I will not waiver in my convictions. You are safe with me."

He almost seemed stressed, trying to convince you that he was trustworthy. You never would have thought otherwise, but it seemed like he was losing trust in himself. The longer he looked at you, the worse he ached. You looked positively disheveled, breath ragged, hair beginning to fall from your pin. He couldn't stop himself from wondering how much more of a mess he could turn you into.

You began to grow disappointed with his rocksteady refusal to give in. A part of you was excited by the situation, by the thought of the object of your admiration claiming you in a dark alleyway, feet away from civilization. Another part of you worried that suggesting you satiate the need might make you look cheap to him. None of it mattered, though, because he had already began to run on fumes, his body inching closer before his mind could tell it to stop.

His lips crashed to yours like a speeding car, all firey need and firm pressure. Before you could pull him closer, he tore away from you, wiping your taste from his mouth. "F-Forgive me, my dear!" He stammered, horrified with himself for giving in so easily. "M-My body reacted on instinct, it won't happen again!" He swore, beginning to tremble. Your response made his blood run cold, blazing eyes becoming even more owlish.

"It won't...?" Your tone dripped with sugar and disappointment, only one of which he'd normally seek out in you, but in this moment, both tasted the same. "If we've been put under the demon's influence, does that not make us...matched?"

"Matched?" He repeated dumbly, despite knowing all too well what the word entailed. He wanted to hear you explain it.

"If this demon matches individuals together for marriage and conception via this sweet smell..." You trailed almost seductively. "And the pair of us have been exposed, and are only in need of one another, does that not stand to reason that...we have been matched together?"

"I-I suppose it does," He admitted, swallowing dryly. "But we are here to slay the demon, not fall under its enchantment."

You carefully pushed away from the wall, leaning against his chest for support, prompting him to wrap you up in his embrace for the sake of your stability. "Are you not enchanted?" You whisper, dazed and desperate.

"I-I am." He trembled, holding you tight to his chest. "But enchantment be damned, I would never force myself upon you for any reason."

"What if I asked you to?" You giggled drunkenly, nuzzling into his uniform.

"A-Asked me to do what, my dear?" He swallowed, already knowing what you'd say. He desperately tried to convince himself to hold steadfast, that you were unconsenting to his whims, but how could he go on when you were throwing yourself at him?

"Take me, Kyojuro." You cooed, calling him out by name for the very first time. The way his given name rolled off your tongue sent shivers down his spine and he could no longer deny the inevitable.

"M-My dear, you mustn't tempt me..." He warned lowly, bushy brown twitching with restraint. "I-I may not be able to resist you much longer."

"I'm counting on it," You confessed, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to his Adam's apple. The moment your lips graced his skin, his resolve gave way like unsteady ground and you were pressed against the wall again. One shaky hand held your chin still and the other dove for your belt, eager to unobscure your lower half to the cold night air.

Hardly any words were spoken between the two of you, but there was a silent understanding between you both as he shimmied your uniform trousers down, your hands pawing at this belt buckle all the while. The moment was clumsy and escalated to a fever pitch almost immediately, but it was also passionate and driven by something other than the toxin in the air- something mutual that had always been there.

Once your trousers were far enough down your thighs where he could access you, and his erection was free, he immediately hoisted you up against the wall, holding you there with his upper body strength alone, pressing your knees into your collarbone. The ache in your core became soothed instantly when he came into contact with it, spit-slicked fingers coaxing it gently before briefly dipping inside. His fingers parted inside you, in a vain attempt to prepare you for breach.

Within minutes, Rengoku was sinking into you, a soft, almost pained sigh escaping him as his forehead dropped to rest on your shoulder. Like an antidote, the soreness inside you was eased, massaged away by his tedious pace and hot, breathy praise. "D-Divine..." He murmured into the cook of your neck, bottoming out time after time, patiently working a rhythm into motion.

He was so much more than you'd imagined, in all ways. Longer, thicker, gentler, more passionate. Nothing could have ever prepared you to finally have him in all his desperate glory, but here you were, trapped between him and a hard place with nowhere you'd rather be.

You couldn't think on that in the moment, though, too overwhelmed by the feeling in your hypersensitive state. Just his steady pace was enough to drive you both mad, whispering near silent worship to each other, hooked together like puzzle pieces. He held you so close, you felt like one being, as his hips lazily rolled into yours, not needing more than that to come close.

Judging by the tension leading up to this moment, you'd imagined he'd ravage you right there in the alleyway, but that isn't what happened. When Rengoku claimed you, he did it as softly as he could, his touch filled with affection and care, as if he were handling a glass figuring, centuries old. The throws of passion overwhelmed you so much that, you hardly even noticed when his tenderness had brought you to the edge, pushing you into the void with a sweet kiss and a whispered "I love you, my dear."

Sensing your undoing by how tightly you constricted him, his eyes squeezed shut, quivering lips peppering kisses to what little of your neck was exposed, repeating his confession however many times he felt it needed to be said. He never ceased his romantic chant as he stalled inside you, spilling what all he had to give, hips straining to keep moving, as if driven by the carnal need to plant life.

After the pair of you were spent, he continued to hold you just like that, reluctant to withdraw from you for fear that the fertilization may not take. Afterward, though, Rengoku began to feel the fog clear from his mind, plastering a confident smile on his face as he gently set you down and helped you redress. Now that he'd faced this hurdle, he was confident that slaying this demon would be easy. It was the consequences of the spell which would be challenging, or so he thought.

-----

"Kyo," You called sweetly from the garden of his family home, led down the pathway by his sweet younger brother. Rengoku beamed at you, returning home from another long mission to his beautiful wife on maternity leave. Your belly was round and full and your gait was reduced to an unsteady waddle, but luckily, Senjuro was unwilling to leave your side until his brother was there to relieve his duties.

"My match," He cooed, dropping his sword and bag to run to you, happily peppering kisses on your face. "You're positively glowing, how are you?"

"I'm wonderful, darling, how are you?" You answered sweetly, pecking his cheek.

"Over the moon," He replied, crouching down to press a kiss to your swollen tummy. "How is our little flame?"

"Never better, thanks to Sen," You laugh lighthearted, reaching out to the boy, who had stepped away, pulling him into your side. "He's taken good care of me since you've been away."

"Have you, now?" Rengoku's eyes lit up even further, standing to place a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You're growing into a fine young man, Senjuro."

The boy's timid features softened at your combined praises, and he pressed his face into your stomach, hugging you both tightly. "I can't wait to meet my niece..."

[verstappen-cult]

THE BOYS TAKING CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE SICK | F1 GRID

★ — LANDO NORRIS (4)

after you text lando that you won’t be able to make it to your date because you’re in bed with a cold, lando doesn’t hesitate to go see you, even after you’ve warned him not to. “i don’t care if i get ill.” he has said through the phone. he feels awful seeing you so sick, and makes it his life mission to take care of you. once he’s sure you’re warm in bed, lando rushes to the kitchen to make you some tea. and stays all night taking care of you, barely sleeping just to make sure you have a good rest. the next day you feel a lot better but lando still doesn’t let you get out of bed or do anything, spoiling you and doing everything by himself because, “it’s the least i can do.” and, of course, he ends up catching a cold too.

★ — CHARLES LECLERC (16)

chales knows something is wrong when you don’t get out of bed in the morning and begins to worry when he returns home a few hours later and you are curled up on the couch with a blanket all the way up to your head. he sits next to you, wrapping his arms around you, making you rest your head on his chest. “how do you feel? what can i do for you?” but you can only groan in frustration, feeling absolutely hammered. charles gives you a kiss on the forehead before disappearing to the kitchen. he can’t cook, but makes his best effort to make you some soup, searching on the internet and even calling his mom for some advice, and then feeding you, not letting you do anything by yourself.

★ — OSCAR PIASTRI (81)

oscar does everything he can to make you feel good and comfortable. he sits in a chair next to your bed and reads your favorite book aloud and holding your hand all the time because he knows you get clingy when you’re sick. he also sets an alarm so you don’t forget to take your medicine, whispering “there you go, my sweet girl. you’re doing so good.” while giving you water and stroking your hair with his free hand. oscar doesn’t leave your side until you are fast asleep, and even when you’re apart he tries to be as present as he can.

★ — MAX VERSTAPPEN (33/1)

max goes crazy, it’s hurts him seeing you like that. he calls every doctor in monaco to get them to see you and buys everything they tell him you need. he can’t get sick, so max keeps his distance “i just want to get under the covers and hug you until you feel better.” he complains, hands itching to touch you but you won’t let him. when he sees that your favorite water is running out and there aren’t anymore tissues, he makes a quick trip to do the shopping and ends up buying a lot more things than necessary. he doesn’t leave without a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers that then places in your nightstand when you’re sleeping.

★ — ALEX ALBON (23)

alex finds out you are sick only thanks to your mom who tells him, and he immediately shows up at your door. he’s angry, a well-prepared speech on the tip of his tongue, but once he sees how bad you’re feeling, alex forgets all about his anger. he guides you with a hand on your shoulder back to your bedroom and stays with you all day even if he doesn’t know what to do. alex panics when you run to the bathroom to throw up, but follows you and strokes your hair through it, words of affection leaving his mouth. “what you want to do? it will make you feel better.” so you two end up cuddling in bed after doing your skincare, watching your favorite movie.

★ — DANIEL RICCIARDO (3)

daniel doesn’t let anyone come near you or disturb you because “she needs to rest and if i see anyone bothering her you’re out of the house.” he takes care of you but he also lets you know how upset he is that you are sick, listing all of the times he told you to be careful and take care of yourself. daniel constantly checks your temperature to ensure you are okay, leaving kisses all over your face and making you giggle because that’s the only way to tell, according to him. to help you sleep he brings out his guitar and signs you a lullaby until you stop cringing and, eventually, fall asleep.

★ — MICK SCHUMACHER (47)

mick treats you as if you’re made out of glass and are going to break at any moment. he’s more scared than worried and you have to assure him that you are going to be okay, that it’s just a simple cold. he hugs you like you’re going to disappear whispering “i wish i was the one sick and not you.” which makes you feel so loved. he stays glued to your side until you are no longer sick, and even then he stills checks with you that everything is okay.

© VERSTAPPEN-CULT ⎯ do not repost, translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.

[reignpage]

Stairs or Brooms?

10:45am By Y/N

Good morning Students of Eden!

The last week has been hectic, certainly a rollercoaster none of us remembered getting on, but we sure don’t want to get off. 

Or do we?

Since according to an informant, who will stay anonymous, a cheerleader and a member of Omega Phi were getting it on behind the old stairwell of the Psychology building. 

Sound familiar?

Well, that’ll be because it isn’t the first time a cheerleader has taken a wild ride behind some stairs. 

You’ll remember a campus-wide email sent in June of last year detailing the complaints members of the cleaning staff reported on ‘mysterious remnants staining’ the floors and walls which they found ‘extremely difficult’ to clean out. CC’ing the coach of the cheerleaders, none of us missed the implication. Ending with a reminder of the Code of Conduct we all agreed to upon acceptance of our offers, the good people of EdenU were left wondering, who were the culprits creating these stains?

Having conducted a poll, linked here, there ended up being no majority consensus on what it could have been, but a sizeable number of the student population, and beyond (thanks to the people of Eden City, much love), theorised it was ‘liquids of love’, as a Holistic Health researcher put it nicely. 

We never did get an answer. 

Until now?

Another informant kindly entered the Psychology building with a magnifying glass and pipe -- two fundamentally important ingredients to a good snoop -- and investigated for us. Their exploration led to a discovery of a used condom. 

That’s a present he’ll never forget. 

Though, I don’t recall if they ever reported what they did with it. Let’s just hope it isn’t a repeat of BlueToothGate — it still gives me nightmares. 

Now we have two incidents of inappropriate uses of stairwells, is it still too early to wonder, what is it about stairs that gets people going?

Perhaps it’s the curves of the bannister as it rounds over the corner, or is it the creaking of the third step that drives people wild? 

It’s entirely possible that we’ll see a rising trend of stairwellphilia and I, for one, cannot wait. 

Speaking of Philias, the rumoured cousin-lovers both named Phil, after 78% of you voted, have been sighted once more. This time in the broom cupboard of the Literature department. Was it a moment of convenience or something more?

Is there also a rise in broomphilia?

Should we be concerned?

Will the school ever make a stand?

So many questions but only one certainty:

We say NO to cousin-love!

Or, at least, 52% of us did. 

I do not want to know why it was such a close call. But I’m sure you’ll tell me anyways in my Insider’s Line.

On to more pressing matters; how is our List looking this time?

Drum roll please….

Gojo stays at number one!

Anyone surprised?

Before someone starts, no, I am not biased. The number of confessions regarding him are staggering and that has not changed, only grown, since he entered the fold. 

Having thrown yet another smashing bash, this time in Genesis Park, the president of Alpha Phi Delta secured his spot as the most desired man on campus. People reported the utter genius of using the skate ramps as beer pong tables and his quick thinking to hide the beloved pug mascot of our rival, Eden Met, down the slide. 

The picture taken by his friends cuddling the adorable puppy in his shirtless arms has, I’m sure, been printed out and pasted on every surface of many girl’s bedrooms. 

No judgements here. 

The silent but deadly man of campus, lovingly known as Hot Nerd Nanami, has risen up the rankings after many months of stagnation at 13th to 4th after he was seen abandoning his frumpy blue sweater in favour of a plain white tee. Boring and basic on anyone else but downright scandalous and drool-worthy on the physics student.

As some people have confessed, this is the most bare we've ever been able to see of him. Is it the beginning of a new era?

Or was it just laundry day?

Whatever the reason may be, we are sure glad it happened.

Apart from the usual, one other interesting change in our List is Vice President Sukuna’s rank — having been at 5th last time, he’s been bumped up to 2nd. And it wasn’t because of a shirtless picture he posted on Insta, for once.

No, this time, there are videos circulating the Bulletin which displays him, in the background of Gojo's disciplinary hearing, eyeing someone up and down like they were the tastiest wagyu around. This is the most daring, most expressive, most human? we’ve ever seen our star basketball player. 

But just who was bringing that out of him?

Send in your guesses, people!

It’s time to play our favourite game:

Who Are You Looking At?

-------------

Some people wanted to see a example of Toji's reader's writing so I busted one out for y'all x

Not proofread btw

[astromancy-divinare]

How to find the potential DATES of when you'll meet your future spouse OR new romantic partner

VEDIC ASTROLOGY METHOD

This method will give you the potential dates of one or all of the following:

When you'll discover your future spouse/new partner.

When you'll meet your future spouse/new partner.

When you'll begin a relationship with your future spouse/new partner.

When you'll have sex with your future spouse/new partner for the first time.

This method ONLY works for the years when you have indicators that a new romantic relationship will enter your life via the:

Venus return chart

Mars return chart

Solar return chart

Dasha period that is favorable for a new romantic relationship

You must use your sidereal natal chart for this method. I've tested this method for accuracy and it ONLY works with the sidereal natal chart. It does NOT work with the tropical natal chart.

The first thing you need to do is locate which house in your sidereal natal chart will be your Annual Profection House for the year you have indicators of entering a new romantic relationship.

For example: Let's say you have indicators that you'll enter a new romantic relationship in 2025 and on your birthday in 2025 you will turn 25. According to the tropical astrology Annual Profection Wheel, when you turn 25 you enter a 2nd House Profection Year.

There is also a Vedic astrology Annual Profection Wheel, but the ages for each house are different. According to this chart, when you turn 25 you enter a 1st House Profection Year.

You're going to do the following FOR BOTH Profection Houses (in this example: the 1st & 2nd house). Find the following in your sidereal natal chart:

Identify the lord of the Profection House.

Find what house that lord is in.

Identify the lord of the house that the Profection House lord is in.

For example: The 1st house is the Profection House. •The 1st house lord is Sun. •Sun is in the 6th house. •The 6th house lord is Saturn.

Whenever Mars, Venus, Jupiter or Rahu makes a trine aspect to your natal Sun (Profection House lord) & natal Saturn (lord of house the Profection House lord is in) = is the date when you will potentially meet your future spouse/new romantic partner.

You're going to use the Sidereal Natal Transits Online Search Engine on Astro Seek.

After entering your information, you're going to:

Select (one at a time) Mars/Venus/Jupiter/Rahu under Transit.

Select Trine under Aspect.

Select the lord of your Profection House under To Natal.

Select the year you have indicators of a new romantic relationship entering your life under From.

Select Whole Sign under House System.

Leave the selection on Lahiri under Sidereal Ayanamsa.

Click Calculate.

You'll then see the following screen:

Whatever dates that show up in the list that fall within your birthday year will have the potential for you meeting your future spouse/new romantic partner. The birthday year starts on the date of your birthday and ends on the day of your next birthday.

You're going to repeat this search SEVERAL times because you need to search for when transiting Mars, Venus, Jupiter AND Rahu will trine the natal lord of your Profection House.

THEN you'll do this process all over again by changing the natal planet to the lord of the house your Profection House lord is in.

BUT WAIT, WE'RE NOT DONE YET.

You need to do this entire process AGAIN for the Profection House lord according to the tropical astrology Annual Profection House Wheel.

The reason why you should use this method with both the tropical astrology AND Vedic astrology designated Profection House:

Because BOTH will give you at least one accurate date.

When I used this method on my sidereal natal chart for the year I entered a serious romantic relationship, the results from using the tropical astrology Profection House lord gave me THE DATE when I began talking to that partner. The results from using the Vedic astrology Profection House lord gave me THE DATE we had sex for the first time. So it's in your best interest to use both because one of the dates you get is bound to be correct.

If you find this too confusing but want to know the dates of when you'll potentially meet your future spouse AND new romantic partners, DM me for a reading!

I'm now including this method in my $25USD New Relationship Timing reading. In this reading I give you the approximate years AND dates of when you'll meet a new romantic partner and enter a relationship with them. This reading covers the next 20 years.

I'm also including this method in my $25USD Future Spouse reading as an add-on for an additional $15USD.

[laurentidal]

Monitored Activity

The email had come from IT right at the beginning of the workday with the subject line "Attn HR. Problematic Monitored Activity."

Dear Miss Villanova, In accordance with company policy, we are writing to inform you that employee Joseph Ulish was found to be acting in violation of the company's internet usage policies during our last audit of online activity. We are attaching evidence for your review and action. Thank you, Martin Shore, IT Dept. Head

Lily gave a long sigh. It was the first time an employee had been caught looking at porn on company time, though it was certainly bound to happen eventually. She took a breath and gave herself a little hope. Who knows. Maybe it wasn't porn at all. Maybe Joe was on poker stars or he was shit talking the company on social media.

But as she opened the attached list of websites, she knew that those hopes were false ones.

Sixty-two websites were enumerated and organized by the date of first access. Accompanying the list was a breakdown of how many times each site had been visited and how long he had spent there. Lily whistled softly to her empty office. With these kind of numbers, it was a miracle Joe had gotten any work done. At the very least, he should be getting fired for theft of time.

She opened the first site and was shocked to see only text. Only a glance would tell you that it was almost certainly smut, but still. If he was going to try to get away with porn at work, text was certainly the most effective method for staying under the radar. And what exactly was "erotic mind control?" Out of curiosity, Lily found herself reading the whole way through the story. She wasn't too prudish to admit to herself that he might have been onto something here. Certainly not appropriate for work! But this was certainly… having an effect, shall we say. Perhaps there was some unidentified fetishes still hiding in that brain of hers.

Site number two was actual porn. Just straight up pornography videos. She closed it quickly, lingering just long enough to catch sight of a few choice body parts. She was human after all.

Sites three through eighteen were all social media pages once again dedicated to this mind control stuff. It seemed there were an impossible number of sub-genre's to this already incredibly niche thing. Lily was fascinated. The pages were stories and videos and audio notes. Most fascinating were the pages seemingly dedicated entirely to flashing gifs and spinning graphics. She found herself scrolling through them slower and slower.

She never noticed when her left hand had left her keyboard.

More porn. More smut. More porn. More spirals. More spirals. More spirals.

By the time Lily reached the fiftieth website, her pants were around her ankles. She didn't know how many times she'd brought herself to completion. Her eyes were glassy and unblinking. The words in the stories and the images and comics burned into her psyche. And oh. The spirals.

The spirals.

She wished she could stop and stare at each one forever. But she had a job to do. She had a list to complete. Link sixty-two opened to a website that Joseph had accessed just this morning before she'd arrived. The site was a full screen spiral. Black and white with streaks of red and blue that made it seem more real than reality. And in the middle there was a button that simply read "Submit?"

She clicked it immediately. The button disappeared, leaving her staring at the spiral alone. She had no more work to do. The list was complete. She could just stay like this forever.

The door to her office opened and Joseph entered, followed by Martin.

"I'm so happy you were the one who got to review my file, Miss Villanova," Joseph said. He snapped his fingers and Martin locked the office door and began to undress. "Martin here was the first to comb through my activities. He did just a good job cataloging everything, don't you think? He had to look so long and so close to compile that report. He was shooting his first load before he'd finished reading that first story, weren't you?"

"Yes, Master," Martin said dully as the pair approached.

"He tastes quite nice, Lily," Joseph said right in her ear as she helplessly masturbated to the spiral. "You'll see."

Thanks for reading! If you are a fan of my work, consider buying me a coffee. Any contribution is insanely appreciated. 💖

[youryurigoddess]

Aziraphale, Raphael, and other angelic names you should probably know

Yes, I’m digging out my oldest piece of Good Omens meta. If you’re one of the very few people who might remember it from my main blog or had followed me on Twitter before it was shared there last year, you should already get the gist of what’s going to come next. For the rest of you, this might serve as a nice warning of how true brainrot begins.

We will start at the very beginning: the name-giving. Since God has created the world with one word, in the Bible and related Jewish tradition names of things are considered of great importance. As the life-givers, they imbue meaning and power to those who bear them, and often lead them towards a certain predetermined path. The concept of true names in general is a global phenomenon, with traces of this belief to be found everywhere from Plato's Theory of Forms through Grimm’s fairytales and beyond, not only in religious, but also philosophical and anthropological context. Considering the vast number of options to choose from, coining a new name instead of just repeating someone else’s is certainly a choice.

Unsurprisingly, the one who came up with the name Aziraphale was Terry Pratchett, and according to an interview it was originally pronounced Aziraphael:

“It should be Azz-ear-raf-AE-el, but we got into the habit of pronouncing it Azz-ear-raf-ail, so I guess that’s the right way now.”

Don’t worry, we’ll get there in a moment. The second thing you need to remember from this interview is Terry’s answer to the question about the name’s origin:

“It was made up but… er… from real ingredients. [The name] Aziraphale could be shoved in a list of ‘real’ angels and would fit right in…”

Conveniently, I’ve already explained who he was and why he was so important in Judaism in one meta discussion on Tumblr, so I’ll be lazy and copy-paste my thoughts and expand them to add some details from other Abrahamic religions.

Before the Beginning, or the Angel of Love

Long story short, Libbiel was one of the archangels working with God on the creation of humans. The idea was opposed by some of them, especially the Angel of Truth, who was promptly cast down from Heaven to Earth (but promised to spring back out of the Earth eventually, don’t worry).

Unlike Michael and Gabriel, Libbiel (“God is my heart”) warned his angelic troops to accept the Ineffable Plan in advance and saved them from the Fall, which granted him God’s recognition and a new name, Raphael, the Rescuer, appointing him as the Angel of Healing (“God has healed”).

This seems to check out within the Good Omens universe: Aziraphale was involved in the Earth creation project before the rollout and had enough access to the human plans to see them with his own eyes and share this knowledge with the angel that eventually became Crowley.

He also appeared extremely anxious at the very mention of Crowley’s obligation to dissent and wanted to save him from any negative consequences even at the cost of interrupting the conversation he’s been enjoying so much.

We’ve noticed some peculiar reactions of Aziraphale to any mentions or acts of love, right? They usually involve reaching out to Crowley and might either suggest his feelings toward him or how physically overwhelmed he is with the very concept of love (or both, actually).

Interestingly, one of the official titles of archangel Raphael is Angel of Love. In Christianity he is considered a patron saint of happy meetings, matchmaking and marriage, and his healing powers involve especially eyes and… heart, in the context of both mental health and human love.

Raphael also has a canonical (at least in Catholicism) episode of playing a human matchmaker on God’s behalf in the Book of Tobit, in which he appears on Earth under the disguise of a man named Azariah. Aziraphale seems now like an obvious portmanteau for Azariah, Raphael’s alias used while disguising himself as a human, and Raphael, the name given to him by God as a commendation. An archangel embracing some humanity of his own volition.

Raphael’s color is sometimes mentioned as light blue, exactly like the light Aziraphale emits in the S2 opening sequence, and his symbol is a serpent (the ancient Caduceus, but I feel like at this point we can call him Crowley).

The angelic couple, or Zophiel and Barachiel

Remember that bit of Terry’s interview about real ingredients? Raphael’s backstory already seems complicated enough, but what if Aziraphale had not one, but two angelic prototypes? I happen to know one more angel — a cherub said to possess great feminine energy — whose story rings some alarm bells.

This is Jophiel (“The Beauty of God”) or Zophiel (“My Rock is God”, “Widom of God”, “God’s Rage”), believed to be a companion to the angel Metatron, regent of the Principalities and leader of the Cherubim, a heavenly protector — one of the child amulet angels.

In Jewish tradition Zophiel takes on the role of the guardian of the Torah as well as other books and knowledge itself, based on the fact that he was the one to guard the Tree of Knowledge and, armed with a flaming sword, drive Adam and Eve out of Eden. He also watched over Noah and his family during the Flood and was serving as an assistant to King Solomon when he spoke on Wisdom and wrote the books of Proverbs, Wisdom, and Ecclesiastes. In the Anglican tradition he is recognized as an archangel and typically depicted with a fiery sword in hand. The color belonging to Zophiel is yellow.

Lynn Fischer in “Angels of Love and Light: The Great Archangels & Their Divine Complements, the Archeiai” (November 1996) describes Zophiel as one who

“stirs the feelings through radiation of illumination and into aspiration … help in absorbing information and studying for and passing tests; dissolution of ignorance, pride, and narrow-mindedness; and exposure of wrongdoing in governments and corporations. Jophiel helps in fighting pollution, cleaning up our planet, and brings to [hu]mankind the gift of beauty. He also provides inspiration for artistic and intellectual thought providing help with artistic projects and to see the beautiful things around us.”

While this angel is mentioned in other works of fiction, Zophiel makes his most notable appearance in John Milton’s epic poem, Paradise Lost, as the warrior “cherubim with the swiftest wings” in the battle of Heaven, where he was believed to assist Michael as the standard bearer. He’s presented as a spy returning from a reconnaissance mission to the rebel camp, much in the way Aziraphale had infiltrated Hell and fooled its demons in the wake of Armageddon’t.

As Zaapiel derived from Za’ap (Hebrew) meaning rage, anger or storm, he is also recognised as the angel of storms and, under the variant Zafiel, the angel of rain. This might be the reason why Zophiel is traditionally associated with the archangel of lightning and thunder, Barachiel (“God’s Blessings” or “Lightning of God”, especially when transcribed as Barakiel or Baraqiel) — to the point of being mentioned as his partner or consort.

Barachiel is the angel of lightning, but also — as the name suggests — blessings. In Catholic iconography he is usually depicted with a staff, a basket of bread, or a rose, each petal of which is representing a blessing from God, tossed out as the angel pleases to bless people. He is the chief of guardian angels, but in particular watches over young children, and sometimes takes on the task of delivering the blessing of offspring to prospective parents.

Like Zophiel is believed to have taught humans languages and wisdom found in books, Barachiel is commonly revered as the angel who taught them astrology, the wisdom of the stars.

Nothing lasts forever

Raphaelic legends aren’t all fun and games, but also mention the less marketed aspect of being an archangel: signaling the Day of Judgment. In Christianity, this is usually assigned as another one of Gabriel’s jobs, but he’s on the run right now, isn’t he? Well, good news! In Islam, Raphael is called Israfil or Israfel and believed to be the angel who blows the trumpet to signal Qiyamah, a counterpart of the Christian Second Coming, instead. The fact that Aziraphale has taken over Gabriel’s position in Heaven might be much less coincidental than some think.

And it’s important to remember that this power is not only destructive — while the first blow will kill all creatures and creations, the second one will revive them and prepare for the Last Judgment (yes, the very same one that in Christian belief will be administered by Jesus with the help of Book of Life). Very much in line of what Adam, the Antichrist, has done with the help of a certain shoulder angel and shoulder demon.

This is exactly the sentiment found in the poem “Israfel” by Edgar Allen Poe. In a material world nothing is meant to last forever, which is a curse and a blessing. A curse because it means death and destruction; miracles may sustain a certain bookshop in its current form through millennia, but as a tombstone to the life they led instead of a home it once used to be. A blessing, because it also means change and a new beginning — as long as there’s enough life force to replace whatever is lost in the process.

Nothing on Earth lasts forever, but we should use it for inspiration, savor momentary bliss, and hold it in our hearts. Only Heaven and the passions of its angels (fallen or not) are truly eternal.

And we can expect at least two of them to keep loving each other beyond the human concept of time, perhaps in a nice cottage on the South Downs.

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (I)

Chapter 1 : ‘And that orange, it made me so happy, as ordinary things often do just lately’

Hi, everyone!!! I’m so glad to finally start posting this series! I know I’ve been talking about it for a while, and I thank all of you for being interested and even excited about it! I hope you won’t be disappointed!

The first chapters will set the plot into motion, of course, we need to get the story going!

I hope you like this series! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 3502

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

The Orange

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange— The size of it made us all laugh. I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave— They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy, As ordinary things often do Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park. This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy. I did all the jobs on my list And enjoyed them and had some time over. I love you. I’m glad I exist.

Wendy Cope, The Orange and Other Poems, 2023

There was sunshine upon the Liffey that morning. A scent of new beginnings in the air, a whisk of excitement in the breeze.

You took a deep breath before entering the college grounds. This was what you had worked so hard for, for so long…

You were finally working in a university, you were a researcher, you would be teaching to younger generations about your passion. And every time you thought about that truth, that new reality, your heart made a happy jump, and a grin formed on your lips.

You were there. At long last. You had a teaching position, you had money for your research, and you had this at Trinity College, no less.

For now, there were no students, the grounds were empty, filled with nothing but old stones, bending trees and sunlight. The year had not begun yet, it was still the early days of August, filled with warm weather, summer storms and a tinge of sun here and there. It seemed that your first day was one of those sunny, warm days that felt too much like vacation time to work. A good omen, if you had ever seen one. A good omen for your life that seemed to fall perfectly into place these days. Professionally, you were achieving your goal today, with this position in the best university in Ireland. Your family was proud, and so were you. And on a personal point of view, you were engaged, to be married to a successful man. You glimpsed at the diamond on your finger. You didn’t have a date for the wedding yet, but you were aiming for spring of the coming year. Frank had proposed during the summer, while you were on a trip for your vacation in Wales. You smiled at the memory. You were lucky this year, your life was perfect, or at least, successful. You were ticking all the right boxes. What else could you ask for?

You walked between the still frames of Edmund Burke and Oliver Goldsmith, stepping finally on the grounds of Trinity College. And you took a deep breath as you stepped into the entrance hall, crossing the building to reach the first courtyard hidden inside. You gathered your thoughts, tried to slow down your beating heart that was pounding with nerves and excitement.

You were to meet one of the fellows of your department, Professor O’Connell. You had never met the woman, but she seemed kind enough on the phone, if strict in her tone. You checked your watch, but you were still seven minutes early. At least, you would not make a bad first impression because you were late…

You hurried under the archway at the centre of the yard, glancing at the forbidden green grass on both sides, and the tall buildings that surrounded it. You tried to calm yourself, thinking that you were an assistant professor already, even if this was your first stable job, that you knew what you were doing, that the papers you had already published were proof of your academic success and your worth as a researcher. You could do this. You could do this…

You walked towards the English department with hesitant steps, trying to follow directions on the various signs scattered across the grounds. A fifty-something woman waved at you from afar though, she seemed to be waiting in front of a building. You smiled, hurried towards her, hoping that you were not mistaken and that she was, indeed, the woman you were looking for…

“Y/N Y/L/N?” she asked, and you nodded your head with a grin.

“Yes! Professor O’Connell, I assume?” you answered, offering her your open hand, which she took with a smile.

“Oh, Lydia is more than enough. How are you?”

“Grand… grand…”

“Welcome to Trinity, I guess. I’ll guide you for a quick visit of our building, and then leave you in the competent hands of our HR department for you to sign off some paperwork. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

She guided you across the large stone building in which you would be working from now on. You easily got lost in the maze of corridors, staircases and halls you were crossing. Still, she showed you the cafeteria in which you were introduced to a few of your new colleagues, some of the classrooms, and finally she guided you to the HR, where a middle-aged woman gave you some paperwork to sign.

Lydia was waiting outside, ready to guide you to your office. A new maze of corridors opened before your feet, but you said nothing, figured that you would eventually get used to it. You took a turn to the right to another corridor, headed straight for the door a few steps ahead. Wooden, with two plaques fixed on its surface.

Dr. Andrew Hozier-Byrne

Dr. Y/N Y/LN

Your heart skipped a few beats at the sight of your name there, engraved in copper.

“You’ll be sharing your office with another of our assistant professors,” Lydia explained. “Andrew arrived last year, he’s working mostly on 20th century literature… but I’ll let him talk your ears off about his research.”

She knocked, didn’t wait for a response before opening the door.

The office was tiny, to say the least, but it was enough for the two desks and chairs set there, a wardrobe and a few shelves. There was a poster of Johnny Cash on one of the empty spots on the white walls, and a large window facing the door, behind one of the desks. The other desk was set on the left-side of the room, a tinier window behind it.

A man was sitting in the chair behind the desk in front of the larger window, and he looked up as the door opened and Lydia walked in, you following close behind.

“Good morning, Andrew,” Lydia greeted her colleague with a smile. “This is Y/N, our new assistant professor, who’s going to share your office this year.”

Andrew’s eyebrows arched slightly, although he still gave you a warm but shy smile, standing in a hurry. You couldn’t help your surprise as he stood up, towering you with an intimidating height. He seemed to have long hair, that he had tied in a bun. You studied his features, something kind and gentle made his hazel eyes shine, a short beard coloured his cheeks. He readjusted his glasses, as he quickly stepped around his desk. He was wearing a black turtleneck and dark jeans, there was a brown jacket thrown on the back of his chair.

You looked up at him as his smile widened just a little, still polite but with an extra-touch of kindness now. His body was intimidating though, and the fact that he was handsome wasn’t helping. He bent to avoid the lamp that was hanging from the ceiling.

“Of course! Erm… hi, nice to meet you,” he greeted you, offering you his open palm, avoiding eye-contact. You weren’t expecting how soft his voice was, how quiet his tone sounded. If his height gave something intimidating to his appearance, his voice countered that feeling, and you immediately felt more at ease.

“Hi! It’s very nice to meet you too, Andrew!”

“Alright, I’ll leave you to settle,” said Lydia, addressing you. “My office is down the corridor, if you need anything. But I’m sure Andrew can help you with the rest. The HR gave you everything you needed to access a computer?”

“Yes, I’ve got everything.”

“Good. Settle this morning, we’ll have a talk about your research this afternoon. The meeting for the upcoming year and classes is set later this week, you’ll get all the information you need for your teaching then.”

“Alright, thank you so much.”

She gave you a bright smile, before walking out of the room.

You were left alone with Andrew, who gave you another shy smile, rubbing at his palms.

“Erm… right… obviously, there is a large selection of desks you can choose from in this room,” he joked, his tone still stern, and you noticed how he was biting the inside of his cheek.

But you laughed good-heartedly at his joke, and he raised his eyebrows at your reaction.

“Hmm… I guess I’ll take this beauty over there,” you said, dropping your bag on your desk.

“Good choice,” he nodded, fleeing your gaze again. “Erm… I’ve emptied a couple of shelves over there for you too, and made some room in the wardrobe as well.”

“Thank you,” you smiled up at him and caught his eyes again, noticed their pretty hazel shade.

You turned on your computer, looked through your papers for the password that had been given to you so you could log in.

“So… what’s your research about?” he asked, a little awkward, shifting his weight while burying his hands in his pockets.

You noticed how he was bending his head and shoulders a little, as if to look smaller than he was.

“I work on feminism and the use of the female gaze in literature, as opposed to the male gaze.”

He raised an eyebrow, and you noticed how his gaze lit up with interest.

“Oh… that’s so interesting!”

You were surprised by the earnestness in his tone. The academic world was a particularly misogynistic one, after all. Most men in your field were enemies rather than allies.

“Yeah… I… I think so too,” you smiled, cursing yourself for your naïve answer. “I mean… If I chose to work on that, it means that I’m interested in it, but…”

He chuckled, the sound as quiet as his voice. You were still surprised by it, by the contrast it offered to his intimidating stature.

“Totally, yeah…”

“What about you?”

“20th century literature… mostly modernism and contemporary poetry. So… Lots of Joyce, Woolfe, Heaney and the likes.”

“Nice! That sounds interesting.”

“I mean… I teach a lot about modernism, but my research is more focused on poetry, especially poets who are currently writing.”

“That’s pretty rare, to have scholars studying contemporary art, instead of… dead people.”

You both chuckled at that.

“Yeah… but I… I mean… I value a lot the political weight of art, so… I find it more interesting to study something that talks about our current problems, rather than the problems from… four centuries ago or something...”

“Can’t argue with that,” you nodded.

You exchanged a smile, noticed that Andrew was relaxing as well by now.

“Erm… I’ll let you settle down, but… tell me if you need anything. Oh, and…”

Andrew nodded towards an empty frame tugged away against the wall, in a corner of the room.

“There’s an empty spot on the wall, feel free to hang something you like in it. As long as it’s decent enough.”

“Oh… I will refrain from a poster of my naked celebrity crush then,” you joked, making Andrew laugh again.

“Please, refrain. Although, I will accept your latest pagan ritual to summon Chtulhu or something…”

He tensed again, bit the inside of his cheek, as if he regretted his joke, but you laughed, and he seemed a little surprised by it.

“Dully noted… so, I can bring my pentagrams at work?”

His smile widened.

“Feel free to do so. I can produce the goat for the sacrificial ritual, if you need.”

You chuckled again, and Andrew bent his head, but you noticed the way his shoulders relaxed.

“Right, sorry for the weird humour,” he apologised anyway, and walked back to his desk. “Tell me if you need help with anything. I have a couple of things to take care of, but I can show you around if you need.”

“Okay, thank you! Yeah, that would be grand! And no need to apologise, I have a rather dark humour too.”

You exchanged a smile, before both of you would focus on your computers. You managed to log into almost everything, started to create documents and files for your research, downloaded a few articles that you needed to read this week.

It was almost noon when Andrew looked up from his screen again.

“Erm… is everything alright for you?” asked Andrew, his voice still as quiet.

“Yeah… erm… I just can’t log into something.”

Andrew stood up, bent to avoid the lamp again.

“Can I take a look?” he asked softly, and he walked around your desk when you nodded.

He helped you log into the software you needed, showed you a couple of things that you would need to use often.

“Would you like to get lunch?” he asked you with a timid smile.

You answered with a bright smile.

“Yeah, sure!”

“Did you bring some food?”

“Erm… no…”

“That’s fine, no worries,” he chuckled at your sudden hesitation. “We have a cafeteria in our building, for the staff. But it’s more suited for a coffee break than anything else. You can’t buy food there, except for a few snacks from a vending machine. There’s an electric kettle, a coffee machine… there’s a microwave and fridge too, if you… like… want to bring your own food. But nothing to make proper food. We can go to the cafeteria on the campus, though.”

“Okay, that would be nice! Are you waiting for anyone else for lunch?”

But Andrew shook his head.

“Most people in the department are gone to a conference in Cork for three days,” he explained.

“How come you didn’t go?”

But Andrew merely shrugged.

“I wasn’t invited to be a speaker, and to be honest, it was mostly about subjects I’m not particularly interested in. Besides, someone had to stay behind to keep the new lecturer company,” he smiled with a tinge of mischief, and you liked the sight.

He waited for you to gather your things, and you walked together out of the building. Andrew showed you around the campus a little bit, mainly the library and a couple of buildings where you could be asked to teach. You followed him to the cafeteria as well.

“Do you eat here often?” you asked, as you took a look at the food that was available that day.

“When I can. It’s not bad. But students come here too, so you should come only if you can avoid the worst of the crowd. As this year hasn’t started yet, we’re in the clear for a few more weeks.”

You ordered a sandwich, while Andrew bought a salad, and you walked together to one of the many empty tables.

“Lydia told me it was your first job as a professor?” asked Andrew, before sipping on a glass of water.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve obviously been teaching and working in research for a while, but it’s my first year since I got that title,” you answered with a smile.

“Have you talked about your classes with Lydia yet?”

“No, not too much. I should be able to create a couple of lectures based on my research, but for the more… general stuff, nothing.”

Andrew nodded.

“Yeah, you might inherit some of the classes no one really wants to do, as you’re the newbie.”

“Did it happen that way for you?”

Andrew nodded again, but shrugged right after, swallowing a mouthful of salad.

“I mean, you’ll stay in something you’re used to, don’t worry. But a lot of people are holding the classes they enjoy teaching. You’ll have a limited choice in your field.”

“Any class that you’re hoping to drop?”

“One of them is bound to religion and religious references. I should be able to pass it to someone else this year. We’re exchanging. I’ll get a class on Yeats instead, which is much more in my area of expertise… and interests.”

“Not a religious guy, are you?”

He chuckled.

“Not really, no.”

He didn’t elaborate on the subject, and you didn’t want to push him, happy enough that your colleague and office-roommate was talking to you and acting with benevolence.

“Where did you teach before Trinity?” you asked instead, changing subject.

“Cork for a while, but my partner works in Dublin so I really wanted to move back on the west coast. And then I had the opportunity to come to Trinity last year, when I got the rank of assistant professor, so I didn’t really hesitate. What about you?”

“I taught for a while in Belfast, and they offered me a job when I became assistant professor. But I really wanted to teach at Trinity, so I applied and… got the job! My fiancé is working about halfway between Belfast and Dublin anyway, so it didn’t change much on his side.”

Andrew nodded.

“Relationships can be tricky with academic jobs, especially with how few the teaching positions can be.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure.”

You had gotten a yoghurt for dessert, and Andrew some dry fruits. He handed you the packet, a questioning rise of his eyebrow as a silent enquiry. You smiled, opened your hand and he poured some fruits in your palm.

“Anyway, I hope you’ll get interesting classes, and especially that you can teach about your research. Aside from being interesting for you, I think it’s important to develop what you’re working on in our field.”

You smiled, and he seemed to notice, giving you an awkward smile of his own in exchange.

“Thanks. I think so too.”

“But I have a more important question to tackle.”

You raised a questioning eyebrow, inviting him to go on.

“What poster are you going to put in that empty frame?”

You couldn’t refrain a laugh.

“I have no idea,” you admitted.

“Well, think about it. The decoration of our office is at stake, that’s serious business.”

“Of course, of course. Definitely my number one priority.”

“Good, it should be. My Qi is very sensitive to that kind of stuff.”

You both laughed, and you felt yourself relax again.

You had a good feeling about Andrew, about your shared office, about your new job, about this whole life that was ahead of you.

The world was smiling to you, even the weather was on your side. What could possibly go wrong?

You were so excited to go home and tell everything to your fiancé. Frank got home before you did, you lingered a little longer than anticipated because you asked Andrew questions about how the university worked, the power dynamic in the department, the people you should avoid and those who were nice to talk to. And you wanted to tell Frank about Andrew too. You were so relieved that the colleague sharing your office was nice, kind even.

When you stepped inside, Frank was watching TV. He had ordered some takeaway, and was eating in front of a stupid show that was on, more focused on his phone than on the tv anyway. He jumped when you entered, put his phone away in a hurry.

“Hey, babe!” you greeted him with a grin, bending to kiss him as he sat on the couch.

“Hi! I ordered food for tonight,” he said, nodding towards the Indian food that was scattered across the coffee table.

“Nice!”

“You’re home late.”

You grinned, nodding your head.

“It went amazing!” you jumped up and down excitedly. “First, a senior professor, Lydia, came to pick me up and showed me around. She seems very strict, but nice as well. Apparently, as long as you do your job well, she’ll be on your side. I went to the HR to sign some papers, and…”

You noticed that Frank wasn’t paying too much attention anymore, so you rushed your explanation.

“Anyway, I’ve met a few colleagues, and especially Andrew! We’re sharing an office. He’s been of great help throughout the day, and he’s very sweet! Which is surprising given that he is quite literally a giant!”

“You’re sharing your office?”

“Yes!”

“With a guy?”

“Yes. His name is Andrew! He’s been teaching at Trinity for a year.”

You noticed the way Frank refrained from making a comment, knowing you would call him out for being jealous. You refrained a sigh.

“He lives near Dublin with his partner too. He’s specialised in poetry.”

Frank seemed to relax, and you struggled not to be annoyed by his reaction.

“It’s grand that your first day went fine, babe,” Frank gave you an earnest smile.

“I’m just so relieved that the guy sharing an office with me is not some… misogynistic gobshite. I mean, I don’t know Andrew very much, but he seemed to be more on the feminist side of the spectrum, so I’m sure we’ll be able to get along.”

“That’s nice.”

He didn’t ask any further question but he was still looking at you. You sat down next to him, and he handed you some food he had ordered for you. It wasn’t your favourite, but you liked it.

He opened his arm for you to settle against his shoulder, and you happily obliged. You thought about all the details you wanted to say, but knew would bore him. You chose another question instead.

“What are you watching?”

[rainbowsuitcase]

The Winter Soldier - Rewatched

I decided to rewatch CA:TWS after about five years and I have some thoughts.

1. There’s "moon landing" written on Steve's list of things to catch up on. This movie is happening two years after the first Avengers and Google says Steve woke up a year before that. What the hell has he been doing for three years that he hasn’t had the time to catch up on moon landing? Moon landing!

2. Again, Steve's been living in this century for three years and yet, when Sam asks him what makes him happy, he doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t know how to not be a soldier. He doesn’t know how to be anything but.

3. Regarding Civil War, people say it's ironic that Steve is the one against the accords because he’s always the one following orders (and similar crap) but that’s literally not true? In CA:TFA, Captain America as a hero is literally born from Steve going against orders to save Bucky. In this movie, he disagrees with project Insight from the beginning and later, he’s the one to decide to take SHIELD down with it, because the organization cannot be trusted anymore. Steve Rogers was never "a good boy following orders." He was always a man who did what he thought was right.

4. Also, this movie is practically a PSA that you can’t trust these authorities, but people still expected Steve to just sign away his free will as a hero to one, just a movie later? bfr

5. I am convinced that if he went shield first, Steve could easily run through a wall. At least in America, walls are made of paper there.

6. If I remember correctly, the Winter Soldier is the only enemy of Captain America that uses the shield against him in such capacity, and that’s just a really nice touch.

7. On that note, the Winter Soldier on his own is such a cool character that I would definitely want to see more of if there wasn’t, you know, tortured and brainwashed Bucky under there.

8. If one of them was a woman they'd end up together. I know the fandom says it a lot but I completely forget how painfully true that is. We spend a third of the movie, at least, with Natasha trying to find Steve a girlfriend and wondering why he doesn’t have one, and that’s a plotline that doesn’t get resolved in the movie. Steve says he doesn’t date because it’s "kinda hard to find someone with shared life experience," in the very same movie where he finds out that his lifelong best friend, possibly the only person on earth with "shared life experience," is still alive. If Bucky was a woman, this would be called foreshadowing.

9. And to end on a positive note, Sebastian's face acting is literally perfect. He had like five lines in the whole movie and yet he brought Bucky to life so well. He gave the character a soul.

This scene is literal acting gold and Sebastian deserved an Oscar for these five seconds alone.

[obsessedwithtoomanythings]

Sweet Tooth (NSFW)

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, he absolutely is all over her, jokes about breeding and pregnancy, talk of oral (f receiving), Leon’s fingers go places, swearing probably.

Words: 530 (v short, I just wanted to get SOMETHING out for you guys)

A/N: So I saw these Eating HCs today for Leon from @ichigo-dream and I was obsessed. I didn’t have a whole lot of time as most of my writing power has been dedicated to 3 fics I am SO excited about; but yeah! A lil something!

Also my requests are open, it may just take some time for me to get to things! ❤️

*gif not mine. Found on Tenor*

Days like these? These are the best kinds of days. Leon’s home, wrapped up in some kind of paperwork on the couch, but he’s home. I pull the tray of cupcakes out of the oven, dreading frosting them for this stupid party my cousin was hosting. Thankfully, I don’t have to stay at said party, but having to make 4 dozen cupcakes all within a few hours is frustrating to say the least.

“Ah no!” I yell as I turn to see Leon eyeballing one of the cupcakes. “Absolutely not!”

“Why? Just one?” He pleads, a slight pout on his gorgeous features and I roll my eyes.

“Sorry babe, but I am only making enough to send with Kim.” It may have been a bit mean to only make enough for what she needs, knowing about the agent’s overwhelming sweet tooth, but it honestly slipped my mind when I started them this morning. I turn to grab the piping bag when I hear a low whistle from Leon. “What’s up, agent?”

“I didn’t know you owned shorts like that.” When I finally look back over my shoulder, his blue eyes are locked on my ass, the bottoms of my cheeks spilling out of the bottom.

“They’re just at-home-shorts. Not like I wear them anywhere.” Do not tell him what your best friend dubbed these shorts. I begin piping green frosting onto the soft cake, but as soon as I lift the tool away, a hand slaps quickly over my ass and I gasp. Leon’s strong arms wrap around my waist, tugging me against what I can tell is a speedily rising erection.

“You gotta change outta those shorts, Princess, or they’ll be around your ankles by lunch.” His husky tone sends a chill down my spine as my back arches on it’s own accord, his hot breath tickling my ear.

“Don’t you have work to do?” I tease, trying to draw his attention elsewhere.

“I did. But then I smelt something sweet in here that I’m apparently not allowed to have.” Soft lips pepper kisses along the column of my throat before his teeth lightly sink into the flesh. “So I need to find another snack.”

“Leon, baby, I only have a couple more hours to finish these,” I argue, but it’s no use, his fingers sliding into the elastic band of the shorts and pushing them to the ground. Wrapped around my ankles.

“Well, maybe my girl should have thought about that before she went teasing me with these sexy little shorts.” He presses his hand down to cup my sex through my panties before he clearly has a realization. “Wait, are these the shorts your friend called the ‘get me pregnant’ shorts?” My cheeks heat up as two of his fingers rub teasing circles over my clit through my panties.

“It was a joke, babe,” I mutter, head dropping back to rest on his shoulder at the stimulation.

“Well, joke or not, now you have a choice.” Oh god, what is this little shit planning? “You can let me ‘get you pregnant’ or you can let me get my sugar fill by letting me eat this sweet little pussy.”

Fuck. Tough choices.

*****

Tags: (tag list is open)

Leon: @house-of-kolchek @bonnibuckets @athanasia-day @muffimtv

Everything: @chaosandbubbles @kassiekolchek22

[botwstoriesandsuch]

HEYA WHO WANTS TO LEARN ABOUT GRASS AND VOLCANOES

Yes I'm alive and yes I'm making posts and music again. Ok so moving on HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GRASS???

This patch of grass is from a Youtube video by Quincyvhs ranking grass in Tears of the Kingdom. He's a cool guy and has a similar video on Breath of the Wild and I highly recommend you watch it cause his editing is very cool.

HOWEVER. He made an egregious error today by ranking this patch of grass, this lovely, magnificent, extraordinary patch of grass upon Death Mountain as a mere B Tier. It clearly is an S Tier.

How do I know this? Well this patch of grass indicates miracles. It indicates determination. It indicates the spirit of adventure, of change, of liberty and mayhaps even the purest form of happiness the world round...

...and as later corroborated by the actual geologist that I am dating, it is an indication of the massive shift in Hyrule's ecosystem and climate.

Let's Begin.

Using my ace detective skills I have located the site in question in both Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom (Botw and Totk). The general consensus is that there is a 5~ year time gap between the two games.

Given that the grass does not exist here in Botw, this means that this patch of grass took at maximum 5 years to grow. However, I'm going to prove that it probably took even less time than even that.

Below is the site on Botw's Map:

We are unable to get an accurate temperature reading of the area because the Sheikah Slate decided to give up. So we're going to use science to determine this soon to be important number

Given that wood near instantly ignites at this location in Botw, we can conclude that the temperature in the air is around 370 degrees Celcius or 700 degrees Fahrenheit.

Now typically, rock and soil serve as good insulators of heat, so the air temperature around a volcano itself isnot usually that much higher than the ambient temperature (unless you are actively within a Pyroclastic flow, which would be a more pressing problem than analyzing grass to say the least)

However, when near the presence of lava, that temperature of the air can actually reach up to 1000 degrees Celcius (1800F) so this reading is actually even more reasonable when you note that we are in good distance of the Medingo Lava Pool.

Conversely, we can actually grab an active temperature reading of the area during the time of Totk thanks to the Purah Pad.

It's 102 degrees Fahrenheit.

Easy. Simple. Fantastic. I love when my job doesn't require four hours of research for every single question!

Anyhow, here are some figures from the Oregon State Volcanology Laboratory on the rate of lava cooling

Yes this post is still about grass, stay with me.

To truly appreciate the glory of science and the glory of this patch of grass, we are going to calculate the exact amount of time needed for the temperatures to lower on Death Mountain to one sustanable for growth (That being around 100 degrees Farenheit).

SPOILER ALERT: It takes less than 5 years. This is insanely impressive considering grass of this type* typically takes DECADES.

Anyhow, The Figure 2 and 3 have to do with the depth of the lava, and Figure 4 deals with the thickness. (Many thanks again to my partner for providing their geological expertise and resources)

The thickness of the Medingo Lava is very easy to calculate given that Link can literally jump in with a splash and drown in it like the world's worst hot tub--the bitch ain't thick at all. So we use the lowest listed reading for that.

The depth of the lava is more tricky, but comparing the lava pool in Botw and Totk, and using Link as a marker of around 5 feet, we can say that the pool is around 10 feet deep.

Therefore, the Medingo Lava Pool took around 2-3 years to cool after Death Mountain stopped erupting.

Now when exactly did Death Mountain stop erupting?

According to the catalog of Volcanoes of the World by the Smithsonian Institution, 93% of volcanos stop erupting within 3 years.

Now I know that Death Mountain only started erupting because of the return of the Divine Beast Vah Rudania, and Link only "stops" the eruption of Death Mountain by defeating it. So one could argue that Death Mountain's "eruption" had to be less than a year or something.

My rebuttal to that would be 1) Within the game's canon, I don't see how we could justify Link taking one day, or even one month to wake up from the Great Plateau, travel immeidately all the way to Death Mountain. and then tame the Divine Beast in less than a month, and 2) Link didn't really stop shit because we can clearly still see active lava flow after taming Rudania. He only stopped the rock falls caused by the Divine Beast, the actual activity of Death Mountain still continues.

Given its insane size, I am going to say it took the full 3 years for its active lava flow to stop on Death Mountain. Volconologists in the notes, feel free to correct me.

SO! The Timeline is:

3 years for Death Mountain to stop actively flowing

2 years minimum for Medingo Lava Pool to cool

= >1 year for temperatures to be right for grass to grow!

This is an insanely quick time period for grass to thrive! The literal instant that the conditions were correct, we are able to see not just grass, but stoloniferous grass as well other types of shrubbery thrive! We would usually need several years for the volcanic rock to erode to rich soil (such as the soil in the Akkala region)

Allow me to elaborate:

This is Fountain Grass. Fountain grass is usually the fist type of grass that you would see in a volcanic region. They grow from a rhizome root system, which is a very vertical downward root system as you can see. This is good for young volcanic regions where only specific dotted areas are good enough for plants to grip onto and grow.

They grow something like this:

This patch of grass below I would call some sort of rhizome. (Botanists feel free to correct me in the notes)

THIS. however. (amazingly) is an example of stoloniferous grass!

This is thick bladed grass (as opposed to the more thin, fine-bladed grass with rhizomes) that grow in a stolon spreading pattern that is much more horizontal. It's a lot like the grass that might grow in your front lawn, if you're rich enough to have one of those in this economy--

They grow a bit more like this:

This type of grass need soil! Especially if we want to classify that other red flower behind the rock there as some sort of volcanic flower

We're basically talking about mass, rapid volcanic erosion in less than a year for this to happen. For context, the soil necessary for the region of Akkala to grow could have taken anywhere between a decade to thousands of years. The weather and erosion necessary for this patch of grass to grow took, at most, 3 years.

And all this in the period of time following an actual apocalypse. How quickly the tides have turned for Hyrule's ecosystem!!!!

IT'S A VERY IMPRESSIVE AND COOL PATCH OF GRASS AND THUS IS DESERVING OF THE S TIER RANKING

Also here's some behind the scenes of what my much smarter than me partner had to say about it ["Last pictures referencing the rhizome grass which, indeed, would be the oldest grass among the patch given it needs the least specific conditions to thrive/less soil to get started]

Growth is cool.

[coinandcandle]

do u have any thoughts on correspondences for transitioning? i'm trying to plan a spell for my transition journey since i just made an appointment for T, but i've been struggling with the ingredients. <3

I have many thoughts as I am a trans man who used magic for his transition and continues to do so!

This is based on popular correspondences as well as my own so it won't work for everyone but you've asked me for suggestions and I'm giving 'em! :>

Correspondences:

Elements - Fire & Air are seen often as "masculine" signs. Both also correspond with change and renewal. You could use a candle, a feather, or burn the ingredients to ash, grind them up into a fine powder, and disperse them safely into the wind. Water is associated with the moon, who is associated with transitions.

Rocks - Tiger's eye (confidence), Iron (linked to Mars, the MANLY PLANET--no but seriously, Mars is, in a lot of western culture, seen as THE masculine planet) Moonstone (associated with the moon and change) and Labradorite (associated with change)

Planetary - Mars, the Sun, Jupiter, Saturn are considered traditionally masculine. The moon, however, is known to be linked for transitions.

Herbs - The ones I would personally use are cinnamon, oak, yucca, and clove but I found this compilation of masculine herbs from Cunningham's Encyclopedia.

Tarot - Death is one of the most common "transition" cards, as it signifies an end but promises a new beginning. The king of wands is, in my opinion, the "dad" of tarot cards, and embodies a well rounded man. This could be replaced with any king or the emperor, depending on preference. The Wheel of Fortune is also a transition card, I would use it for a smooth transition.

ALSO, I hesitate to add deities to this list due to the fact that I don't want to them to be considered "ingredients", but perhaps their energy would help you or you could petition them:

Artemis - Associated with life phase transitions.

Aphrodite - Associated with transitions and has a form in some mythology with genderqueer representation.

Brigid - Associated with transition due to her relation to the transition of winter to spring.

The Morrigan - Associated with immense change and transformation, also well known to be a shape shifter which could help glamour spells.

Dionysus - Associated with gender fuckery (I feel this, at least).

Odin - Associated with transformation as he has gone through a lot, and many of his own accord, much like us trans folks who seek our transition of our own accord :>

Janus - Associated with new beginnings and transitions.

To further help, my buddy @jasper-pagan-witch sent me some links to spells and such that might help you out:

Masculine Vibes Charm Bag

Transgender Witchery (there is a transmasc section)

Jasper's Queer Tags (some trans posts scattered about)

There are lots of others out there, depending on who you ask, but this is what came to mind for me!

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Book 7 - Battle Maps/Node Battles

I'm just writing this in case it can help someone get past the Node Battles in Book 7 - The Lord of Malevolence.

I am a F2P player (Free to Play) Which means I have never paid anything in this game, so all my tips can be used by any player as well.

I've always managed to get through these battles on the first day and I'll tell you what I usually do. My method is certainly not the best out there, but it works very well, at least for me.

1. Choose characters according to the number of SSR

I first see how many SSR cards I have of each character and choose the characters at the beginning of the node according to that number.

For example: I always choose Idia because I have 3 SSRs of him, then I choose characters that have 2 SSRs each and if I can still choose more I choose the ones that have 1 SSR.

When I'm undecided about which character to choose, I check out the Duo Magic.

For example: My best card is Azul's Dorm Uniform SSR whose Duo Magic is with Riddle and I happen to have 1 Riddle SSR, so if it makes sense I'll put Riddle on my list too.

2. Just fight the necessary battles

Don't worry about unlocking all parts of the map, you can do it in the 2nd round.

When you finish one of these node battles map, all your cards regenerate as new, but the map remains with the parts you unlocked.

So what I do in the first round is to only fight the battles necessary to finish the map, choosing the least difficult ones if I can and avoiding the most difficult ones.

Once I finish the map and load it back, I can choose the characters again (I usually stick with the same ones) and when the map opens, all the parts I unlocked remain unlocked and I just need to unlock the ones I have left with all my cards regenerated. (I talk about this in point 6)

3. SR are your pawns

Do you know how in chess the pawns can be sacrificed? This is what I do with the SRs.

Following the logic of only fighting the necessary battles, when I choose a relatively easy battle like 2 or 3 stars, I use SRs to save my SSRs for the more difficult battles.

But, I still use SRs at max card level and with the spells at least at level 5.

SRs do the job and there is no big problem in losing them in battle, but it is good to have them strong enough to last longer or even fight more than 1 or 2 battles.

4. Get all the help you can

Whenever there is a chance for me to gain advantages in battles, such as healing cards or buffs and debuffs, I take them all!

5. Save your best SSRs for the final battle.

The last battle is usually the hardest so it's a good idea to try and save your best 5 SSRs for that time.

Even if you lose in the first round of the battle, you will still be able to do enough damage to make it easier in the next round with other cards.

But you can use other SSRs in other battles that are relatively difficult.

I usually use SSRs to win the fight quickly or at least cause enough damage so that if I only have SRs left, they can win on the next attempt.

6. Second round

So, I said I would play these maps twice: the first time to progress the story and the second time to unlock the entire map. And like I said, the map will be the same as you left it and all your cards will be completely regenerated.

The hardest first.

Here I reverse the rules of the first round, take advantage of the fact that you have all your cards at max and start with the most difficult battles, as there is no longer the problem of losing cards. Even if you start losing your SSRs, the SRs can handle the less difficult battles, and so, in principle, you can complete the map.

I think these are all the things I think about when I play. I hope this can be useful to someone. ❤️ And if you want to share more tips, feel free to comment them.

[rad-batson]

Here’s some more about the game :D for your reading pleasure @portal-to-oblivion (Based on this post)

Freestyle Checkers: A Tim and Damian Special OR “How can we make talking to people a competition?”

They are sneaky. They are underhanded. They will do anything to win.

Originally, this was a ploy to get Bruce to ban them from the galas. Over the coming months, however, they begin to enjoy attending. A little too much.

Tim starts a conga line and convinces everyone on his team to join before marching them to Damian’s side.

Damian subtly moves the tables just an inch or two to the right all night until the whole room has switched seating arrangements.

After a particularly eventful game, Bruce now requires them both to empty their pockets and walk through a metal detector before entering the ballroom.

Tim uses his role as company heir to befriend everyone on his team and then introduce them to one another. He accidentally started a coup once.

Damian uses his puppy eyes to woo the guests into doing his bidding and avoid punishment.

He also sets fire to the curtains.

They are repeatedly caught giving death glares to each other from across the ballroom…but that’s normal. What’s not normal is the two giving death glares to a seemingly random guest at the same time. (She was only going to say hello to Maxine. Why does she feel like she’s in mortal danger?)

Tim spikes the punch with a hint of laxatives so everybody sticks to the bathrooms on Damian’s side.

Several games in, Damian finds a loophole in the rules. Even if the pieces can’t know they’re in a game, that doesn’t mean others can’t. He pays several catering staff to form a physical barrier between certain guests and places. Tim is livid and demands the loophole be written out.

Damian, after stealing a woman’s expensive watch: “Oh, I think I saw it at table seven! Here, let me take you there :)”

Tim makes a kid cry at table 20 so everyone will avoid that side of the room.

Tim: “To the left now, y’all! Left again! Right foot two stomps! Keep going left!”

Every other batfamily member has joined the game at least once, both as a piece AND as a player. On a particularly boring night, it was Tim v. Damian v. Steph v. Jason v. Duke. Every attendee was an unwilling participant. Including Bruce.

Damian is the reason death threats are no longer allowed for the game.

Tim: “Oh, you don’t want to talk to Nicole. Did you hear what she said about Leandra last night? The drama!”

Damian, tugging a guest’s arm: “Hey, is your blue Mercedes parked outside?” Guest: “Oh, hi sweetie :) Yes, why do you ask?” Damian: “It exploded.”

Damian studies the attendance sheet, makes a mental list of who eats what kind of dessert according to previous galas, then chooses all the guests who he knows like chocolate. Suddenly, there’s a surprise chocolate fountain on Tim’s side!

Tim studies the attendance sheet then figures out their addresses, hacks into their Facebook, stalks their Friends list, makes a chart of who is on good and bad terms, then chooses his team based on that.

Both of the above methods listed fail spectacularly

Damian: “So…I win.” Tim: “Damian, this is a hostage situation.” Damian: “But they’re lined up on your side. I win.” Tim: You know, I’m starting to think you set this up.”

He did.

During one particular night, a Wayne benefactor figures out what’s going on and tries to expose them so they team up, completely ruin his public reputation, and get him banned from all future galas to preserve the game.

No matter how hard he tries, Bruce cannot stop them from playing.