#at a huge and brutal and terrible cost to himself

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

I have decided to completely disregard the events depicted in Secret Invasion.

In much the same way that Marvel/Feige have disregarded the very real effects which Stephen Strange's grueling, excruciating painful emotionally & physically, 1,500+ year search for the path to victory over Thanos, have had upon him.

[olympeline]

Dark, angsty USUK? Dark, angsty USUK! 👍 I just read a very messed up doujin with these two set in their revolutionary days and now I fancy some pain between them.

It’s a headcanon I like when I’m in the mood for a darker interpretation of Hetalia: when a nation wins a war against another - especially if territory is won and lost - they get to claim the losing nation-person’s body. Make them submit. Sexually. You know what I’m talking about. Vital regions and all that. It’s usually not done willingly, but it is done. Child nations are spared but once they grow into their adult bodies, all bets are off. Told to just grit their teeth and bear it. It’s tradition: how they’ve done it since time immemorial. Feared or - in the case of some of the more sadistic of their kind - anticipated, but never questioned. Just “the way things are.” Nation-people are born of those who live in their borders and war makes people cruel. Humans take a long time to change from what they always knew. Even if deep down in their souls, they wonder if what they do is right. “The way it’s always been” is a great power in and of itself. This is the way people are. Why would what’s born from them not reflect it?

So how did this translate to the American War of Independence?

Arthur is a nation of the Old World. He’s lived for millennia and won and lost countless wars. He’s claimed others and been claimed himself, many times. Been beaten, then bent down and used by rivals like Antonio and Francis, only to come back and do the same to them the next time. Just another reason to always try to win at any cost. He never expected to lose to Alfred and, when the predicted victory came, Arthur planned to be gentle with him. He remembers his first time, remembers the pain, terror, and humiliation. Arthur has hardened himself to it these days and takes that part of defeat white knuckled and tight-lipped. But that first time was brutal. He won’t do that to Alfred. He assures himself he will be gentle, will do what has to be done quickly and kindly. Afterwards they can put this whole sorry business behind them and go back to the way things ought to be.

Then Alfred wins.

Alfred, a new and terribly young nation, who had no idea about any of this. He’s known conflict before but, as a colony, it would have been Arthur who suffered the consequences if Alfred ever lost a war in his name. Arthur never told him about this part of being a national personification. Why would he? Alfred was only a child. Then, when he grew up, Arthur still expected to take responsibility for him forever. There was no need to burden his sweet, young Alfred with unpleasant details that would never be relevant to him.

Or so Arthur thought. Then, at that crucial moment when Alfred fumbles and is vulnerable, Arthur weakens and fails to strike him down.

Alfred wins the war. His first as an independent nation. Won unaware that now, as the victor, there’s something that’s expected of him. Arthur’s tears already shook Alfred to the core. He’d have bet on fury: either cold and bitter, or harsh and fiery, not for his old guardian to spare him and then break down and weep. Alfred is coming down from battle’s high, disoriented from the feeling of breaking away from the Empire that made him. Euphoric at his win but also antsy and ill at ease. It’s such a huge change even if it was a longed for one. Ironically, this was the moment Alfred most desperately wished for Arthur to be there to comfort him. Guide and soothe him as the one who came before. Speaking of, Alfred doesn’t understand what’s happening when Arthur grits his teeth and buries his face in the crook of one arm to hide his tears. Doesn’t get up and instead lies back in the mud and tells Alfred to get on with it. Reeling from everything that’s happened and running on instinct, Arthur forgets he never told Alfred about his “duty” as victor.

So Alfred stares down at him, befuddled. Get what over with? For a terrifying, stomach-lurching moment he thinks Arthur wants him to kill him. Alfred would refuse utterly if that was the case. Death isn’t permanent for a nation-person unless the nation itself is lost, but that doesn’t mean dying isn’t painful and traumatic. Especially if it’s at the hand of one of their own. Meanwhile, the atmosphere has changed. The British soldiers are turning away in shame and disgust while Alfred’s men just look confused and uncomfortable. A strange quirk but because Alfred doesn’t know what’s expected of him, his people don’t either. They still leave when the redcoats do, though. Something instinctive tells them what’s about to happen here is no place for humans.

Suddenly Alfred is alone with Arthur, who’s still on the ground, still not looking at him. Minutes tick by, and then Alfred is given such a start that he almost drops his gun when Arthur suddenly screams at him:

“What are you waiting for?! Damn you, must you torment me further?! Just get it over with!”

Alfred’s raw nerves get the better of him. His temper flares and he finds himself yelling back:

“Get what over with?! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Arthur freezes. At long last he belatedly remembers he never explained. Meanwhile, Alfred is ranting that if Arthur wants to be shot he can do it himself because there’s no way Alfred will blow his brains out just to satisfy some sick honour code or something. Arthur finally looks at him once he’s finished and falteringly, with a few false starts, explains. Explains their kind’s tradition and the obvious implications it has for the pair of them now.

Alfred listens in silence. When he finishes and his words trail off, Arthur will never forget the look of sheer horror and disgust that crossed his former colony’s handsome features. A look directed squarely at him.

“You want me to…you thought I would do that to you?!”

Arthur tries to explain it’s just what always happens at battle’s end, but Alfred is having none of it and won’t let him get the words out.

“You really thought I’d - oh my God, Arthur! You really thought I would have…to you? Just because I won our war?”

Then comes the worst moment of all. What Alfred says next, said in a voice that makes Arthur, a great power and burgeoning empire, feel lower and dirtier than the most pathetic, hated wretch in all his lands:

“You - would you - oh my God, you’d have done that to me if you won? That’s what you were planning?”

All Arthur can do is lie there, still stammering hopelessly about tradition and “just how it is” intermixed with apologies he doesn’t notice until they come pouring past his lips. That the victor could choose not to have his spoils, was a thought that had never occured to Arthur. Never even entered his mind till that moment. Tradition, good or ill, Arthur had always been a creature of it. Since his first time, crushed under the weight of Rome’s breastplate, Arthur accepted their lot without question. Perhaps it was for that reason there was a flash of pity in Alfred’s blue eyes - usually summer warm but now coldly furious - before he turned away. Just for a split second amongst the anger, disgust, and betrayal, but it was there. There, and became what stopped Alfred hating Arthur forever when he easily could have. The world they’d been born into was a cruel and harsh one. He knew Arthur had been a victim of it too.

“Go home, England.”

Alfred turned his back on Arthur, fists clenched and rain running down his back.

“I won’t do that. Not to you, or anyone. These are my lands now. We do things my way here. So take your men and go home. I don’t want to see you again. Not for a while.”

Arthur obeyed.

They don’t speak of it the next time they meet. Nor the next, or the next time after that. Not for the better part of half a century.

Even when enough time passes that hearts warm and Alfred forgives Arthur, the memory of that night keeps them apart for a long, long time. It’s a good thing nation-people are so long lived or the romance that eventually blossoms between them would have been outlasted by old wounds. It takes the world to truly change, the Age of Empires to pass from Europe once and for all, before the personifications of the United States and England can put their shared past behind them and move on together. They get there in the end. Steady, steady, slowly, slowly, one step at a time. Change - real change - is hard and slow. But they get there together. In the end.

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb: A powerful feminist retelling of the early life of Morgan le Fay, the famed villainess of Arthurian legend, this dazzling debut is the story of a woman both mortal and magical, formidable and misunderstood, told in her own words. Young Morgan of Cornwall lives a happy life in Tintagel Castle until King Uther Pendragon, with the help of the sorcerer Merlin, murders her father and tricks her mother into marriage. Furious, brilliant, and vengeful, Morgan defies her brutal stepfather, taking up a secret education, discovering a lifelong affinity with the healing arts, and falling in love with a man far beneath her station. However, defiance comes at a cost. Used as a bargaining chip in her stepfather’s war games, Morgan finds herself banished to a world of isolated castles and gossiping courts, amidst the machinations of kings, sorcerers, and men. But some desires are not easily forgotten, and the search for her independence is a quest Morgan cannot give up. As the era of King Arthur approaches, she must use all her wit, knowledge, and courage to fight against those who wish to deny her intelligence, crush her spirit, and control her body. But, in seeking her freedom, Morgan risks losing everything–her reputation, her loved ones, and her life.

Review:

A retelling of Morgan le Fay? Sign me up. The story follows Morgan’s early life as a misunderstood but magical woman who is dealing with not only a difficult family situation but a forbidden love and untapped magical powers. Morgan lives a happy life in Tintagel with her beloved father, until he is killed and now King Uther Pendragon along has violated her mother and taken the throne for himself. Morgan was born with a fiery temper and she will not let this brutal man stop her. She is educated in secret, discovering a love for ealing and soon finding a love of her own, albeit a forbidden one. But all good things end and soon she finds herself separated from her beloved and forced into a marriage she does not want. Things only get worse for her as she loses her love, is forced to deal with a husband who is terrible, and isolated and threatened. But Morgan has magic and a will that is unbreakable. This is the first book in the series if I am correct and so it ends very abruptly and you still have so many questions left. This book was just a really long read of this poor woman facing horrible circumstance after horrible circumstance. Everyone in it is unlikable ( except for you Alys) and you just kind of want Morgan to burn this whole place to the ground and just run off. Don’t even get me started on the angst of that relationship, definitely not a good time. Seriously this was a frustrating read and I just didn’t have a good time with it at all by the end. I am a huge fan of arthurian retellings but this one kind of just missed the mark for me unfortunately. So despite that, if you are looking for a Morgan le Fay retelling, give this a go maybe it will work out better for you than it did for me.

*Thanks Netgalley and Penguin Random House Canada, Random House Canada for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[plantfeed]

turns out his instinct had been right — “i’m sorry your boyfriend got brutally murdered” was exactly the wrong thing to say. kind of feels like he’s thrown a pipe bomb at the situation, actually, only this time it hadn’t been a mindless act of anarchy against the pigs in the uniforms, but just a failure to connect the aux cable between his mouth and his prefrontal cortex. jude’s consistent only in his penchant for doing or saying the wrong thing, his whole life feeling like a video game exercise in poor judgement; hey kids! watch how low this garbage man can sink!  his only immediate response to rosa’s outburst is silence. shithead idiot fuckbrain silence, until, predictably, something worse than silence leaves his mouth; “i’ve got chicken shawarma too, if that’s better for you.”  obviously it’s not any fucking better. why the fuck would he even say that? but jude’s response to any kind of trauma is to fix it with food. when his dad had left, he’d gone through entire recipe books, tupperwares packed with leftovers spilling out the fridge any time his mum tried to find the margarine. mentally beating himself with a whip, he attempts to backtrack.  “sorry. sorry, i’m not trying to be…” what was the word she’d used? cavalier? like them tory fuckass spaniels?  “i’m not trying to be cavalier about it, i just don’t know what the fuck to say or do in this kind of situation, like i’ve never had to fucking comfort someone because their boyfriend died before.”  as if he’s actually making this about him. why is every single thing that comes out of his mouth just the worst possible thing that a human being could say?  it’s like his life is some huge fucking joke that never reaches a punchline, and all he can do is squirm in the awkwardness of it.  “i know i’m fucking terrible at it,”  jude admits, reluctantly getting to his feet. he's never claimed to be any different. he’s fucking terrible at a lot of things, speaking being a prime example. so often he scrambles for the language to communicate what he’s feeling, and it feels like trying to squeeze the contents of a reservoir through a straw. he wants to console her, but when he tries to find the words they come out all wrong, like attempting to take a test in a language he’s never even studied. countless times he's attempted to learn spanish, but jude fucking hates duolingo. that owl’s a piece of shit.  “and i’m probably the last fuckin’ person you want around right now. but i dunno, i just don't think you should be on your own. hate me as much as you want, rosa. but i just think you need to be around people, and you should eat, so...”  he offers her his chicken shawarma. “you can throw it on the floor as well, if you want.”  he’d rather she didn’t, since she’s already cost him four dollars fifty worth of food (and all jude can think about when he sees the mangled bits of falafel on the pavement are what talon's brains must look like) but maybe it'd be cathartic.  “it's there if you want it.”  what he’s trying, and failing, to say is i’m here, if you want me — to hit, to hold onto —  whatever you want, but i’m here.

For a moment, hearing the time was grounding. It wasn’t even all that late, Rosa had gone to bed much later on a work night. She’d pulled countless all-nighters in college, on first day of school, the night before a new unit she had to teach - when she was overthinking, really. Rosa was a chronic overthinker, it happened all the time, she rarely slept. So there was nothing to worry about, if you really think about it. She couldn’t even remember why she was so upset in the first place until - I’m sorry your boyfriend got brutally murdered. It sent Rosa reeling, physically reacting with the only thing she could think of. Stunned blinking, rocking backwards, as if she’d been slapped instead of reality crashing down around her again. This was her life now, every day there’d be reminders of Talon’s death that were so jarring, she’d stop breathing for a second. She’d think she died herself so many times a day - even just waking up, there’d be a moment where she’d forget. And then Rosa would roll over and there’d be no one beside her - because her boyfriend had been brutally murdered. “I’m not a fucking vegetarian.” She huffed, all but snatching the falafel out of his hands. It was crushed in a few seconds from her grip - and her stomach was still turning over, the idea of eating anything made her sick. She felt sick - her boyfriend had been brutally murdered and this boy she barely knew was trying to comfort her in the worlds worst way possible. By pointing out the obvious, and offering her shitty food. Smashing the falafel onto the ground, Rosa turned to Jude - if looks alone could kill, he’d be six feet under by now. She was so mad she didn’t know what to do with it, except for practically spit in Jude’s face, coming to a stand so quickly it made her dizzy, stumble over her feet for a second. Rosa was intimidating, all things considered, but she was far from intimidating at that moment - she was just a girl who lost her love and was crying about it. Having a temper tantrum, practically, to her friends ex hook up. Rosa didn’t think she could sink this low. “What makes you think you can - you’re terrible at this, do you know that? You’re - fuck your falafel, and fuck you. Acting so fucking cavalier about - someone died! Someone died, you fuck!” Pushing at Jude’s shoulder, Rosa began to wave about - manic with it, demanding he stand with more actions than words. “Stand up. Stand up! Now! Woke police - I don’t give a fuck about your stupid Irish family and their cannibalism. Get the fuck up! Now!”

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

ohh i saw your answer about the sequels of star wars. id love to read you tear through the whole trilogy

Well, I’ve avoided this ask long enough. Part of the reason is this is really a huge topic, far too much for one ask, so I’m going to have to do this at a very high level.

In short, the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is what one gets when you slap together the goal of selling merchandise and making tons of money, being as risk averse as humanly possible, adding a handful of warring directors with incredibly different visions, and having virtually no imagination when it comes to the imagining and writing of characters.

And we get this beautiful, awful, franchise that for reasons beyond me people seem to actually like (though interestingly, no one seems to like all of it, they may actually like one or two of the films, but no one says all three are actually in any realm of good).

With that, let’s begin.

The Force Awakens

For me this is easily the most tolerable of the sequel trilogy: it’s not great, it’s not terrible. It’s thoroughly watchable, you can be taken along for the movie’s journey and not raise your eyebrows too much at the action and leave the theater feeling this maybe wasn’t a complete waste of your time.

There’s a good reason for that. That reason is called the most blatant form of plagiarism I have ever seen in cinema in my life.

“The Force Awakens” is just “A New Hope” wearing a mustache. Only, it’s one of those cheap mustaches you get from a party store that, if you stare at it too long, just looks like the most false and awful thing you’ve ever seen. The mustache actively makes it worse. “The Force Awakens” is “A New Hope”, but worse.

Seriously, every major character, every major plot point, every major scene I can go directly back to “A New Hope”.

Our story begins when the Resistance, at great cost to our valiant heroes including torture at the hands of the Emperor’s second in command, sends a file out into the wilderness to be received by his people. This file contains plans for the Death Star.

The film then focuses on Luke, er Rey, getting involved in the Resistance, boarding the Death Star, and successfully destroying at the same time even at the lost of a beloved mentor that she just met (trading in Obi-Wan for Han Solo). 

Our evil empire is run by an evil emperor who is so evil he sits in a chair, is served by very Moth Tarkin-esque human storm troopers, and has a second in command who revels in the Darth Vader get up (for no other reason that it makes him feel cool but we’ll get into this).

It’s “A New Hope”. Rey is Luke, Han Solo is Obi-Wan, Poe is a kind of Han Solo, Kylo Ren is Vader, Snoke is Palpatine, Hux is Tarkin, BB-8 is R2-D2, etc.

“But that’s not terrible,” you say, “I liked A New Hope?”

First, it is terrible, it gives a very bad sign of where the sequel trilogy is headed and is just lazy writing. It means that those who produced this franchise were so terrified of taking risks, of possibly ending up mocked as the prequels were, that they will deliver exactly what the original trilogy was. And what’s that? Uh, evil empires, scrappy desert kids, AND MORE DEATH STARS!

That brings us to point number two, the world of Star Wars after the events of the original trilogy shouldn’t support such things. And, if it does, my god what a bleak existence this place has turned into.

The First Order being able to rise easily from the Empire’s remains means that Luke accomplished nothing. Anakin sacrificed himself and had his moment of redemption for nothing. There was no happy ending to the Original Trilogy, our heroes failed miserably, and there is no indication that our new band of heroes can possibly succeed in their place. (More on this as the movies progress).

We now are in a galaxy where this new Republic is so pathetic that Leia doesn’t even give it the time of day and builds her own private army to battle the Empire. The First Order is able to not only rebuild a massive army by raiding villages on many different worlds and stealing children and do so successfully for at least ten years but is able to build a Death Star bigger than any we’ve ever seen before. 

And the movie tries to convince us these are completely new problems, that Luke Skywalker is a hero (remember this is TFA, not TLJ yet), and that somehow these things just sprung up out of nowhere. BUT YEAH, RESISTANCE, WOO!

As for Rey, she’s like... a worse version of Luke. Her only motivation through the entire series is her trauma at being abandoned by her parents. That’s it, there’s nothing else to her, nothing else she ever wants or feels conflicted by. She struggles with the dark side because... the dark side? Genetics? Unclear? She’s absurdly, ridiculously, powerful in a way that’s acknowledged but never that acknowledged (we’ll get into this) and the movies just fail to sell me on her in any way.

Honestly, an easy fix for me would have just been making Rey a much younger character. I could believe a fourteen-year-old having stayed in the desert, scrounging for scraps, believing her parents are coming back every day now. As a twenty-something year old... It starts getting hard to believe she never left. (Also, this gets the benefit of getting rid of Reylo, which is always a plus for me).

As for Kylo Ren, I legitimately walked out of TFA thinking he was supposed to be comic relief. He’s what happens when someone desperately wants a likable, redeemable, villain and we get... Well, as a reminder his opening scene is one of genocide: he pillages and destroys a town with no regret and brutally tortures a man for information. We’re told he’s like this “because evil evil Snoke” and that may well be but throughout the film (and the series) it becomes clear that Kylo Ren’s main motivation is he deseprately wants to be cool. He wants to be a badass like Vader, he dresses in Vader cosplay (either ignoring or not knowing that Vader only dressed like that because his body was completely destroyed), he has these huge temper tantrums and nobody respects him because he’s a toddler in a Vader suit. 

He murders his own father, his parents who (at least in the films themselves) show every willingness to take him back and forgive him what he’s done, so that he can fully embrace his own “evilness”. In other words, he commits patricide to feel cool about himself, then it doesn’t work. 

And the movie series really banks on me feeling conflicted about Kylo Ren or at least wanting him to be redeemed. Granted, the wider internet seems to love him, I just can’t.

Oh, before I forget, the other thing I love about Kylo Ren is that the movies insist he’s a) strong in the Force b) is equal to Rey. Rey consistently beats the shit out of him with 0 training. Kylo Ren has been training in the Force for years. Guys, they are not a Dyad, Rey is far far far stronger than he is and for whatever reason the films never want to admit it. Because I guess we like things coming in pairs now.

But yes, “The Force Awakens”, at a distance not great nor terrible, but a rip off of a movie we’ve already seen that left me going “Welp, the next one’s probably The Empire Strikes Back then I guess we’re getting Ewoks”. I was sort of right on that and sort of wrong.

The Last Jedi

So, JJ Abrams clearly had a vision of where he wanted this sequel trilogy to go. He set up these big questions such as what’s up with Finn, who are Rey’s parents and why was she left on this nowhere planet, will Kylo Ren be redeemed and how, who is Snoke, etc.

Now, I’m not saying these aren’t stupid questions. To be frank, they kind of are. Finn being Force Sensitive was the most inconsequential thing I’ve ever heard of, Rey’s parents should not have been used to drive the plot the way it was, as spoken above I’m clearly team gut Kylo Ren, and that Snoke was actually just Palpatine being the world’s largest cockroach is a beautiful but hilarious answer.

That said, what Johnson did was he decided, “You know what, I’m going to take every trope of Star Wars and completely flip it on its head and absolutely doom the sequel to this movie.”

And by god, he did.

We get a weirdly pointless movie in which Poe, SINGLEHANDEDLY, completely obliterates the Resistance. He first obliterates their bombers by failing to follow command, then goes and bitches about how he’s not put in command when he clearly shows no ability to understand how a military works, actively subverts orders which in turn obliterates the entire Resistance fleet until the only survivors can fit on the Millenium Falcon. They have no ships, no weapons, barely any people, and are ultimately doomed doomed doomed.

We have Finn’s weird subplot with a suddenly introduced character Rose in which the pair aid in Poe’s blowing up the resistance (they send sensitive information using the communication equipment of a guy they do not know, who fully admits to being shady and out for his own skin, and are flabergasted when he betrays them). 

Rose herself is this weirdly sweet person who seems forced into the plot to a) provide a love triangle for Finn and Rey b) provide this forced sunny outlook that I didn’t really need in the film.

We get Rey never really being trained, going into the Cave of Wonders for a few seconds, falling in love with Kylo Ren over weird Force Skype calls (where I did not need to see him shirtless, thank you film) and being horrifically betrayed when Kylo Ren turns out not to be a great guy. Never saw that coming, Rey. 

As for Kylo Ren, well... God, we get Emperor Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren, the Emperor. I’m not even that upset about the anticlimactic murder of Snoke (that was kind of funny, especially in the context of Palpatine going, “Bitch, please, you’re in my chair” immediately in the next film) but just Kylo Ren being emperor. And also that the Resistance only escapes at all because he’s so dumb he made their dumb plans seem smart (i.e. concentrates all his firepower on an illusion for ten minutes while Hux goes, “Emperor, sir, we could actually destroy the Resistance right now.”

Now, you’ll notice I didn’t complain about Luke. A lot of people are upset he became a grumpy, miserable, old hermit who sits around waiting for death. Frankly though, in this universe, that’s exactly where he is. He left “Return of the Jedi” thinking he’d saved the world, he’s resurrected the Jedi Order, and all is well. Only a decade later, his students are all murdered by his nephew, the Empire’s back, and he accomplished nothing. He’s an utter failure as a Jedi (though Luke never realizes he knew jack shit about the Jedi Order and was in way over his head but I guess that’s beyond him). Why shouldn’t he go sit on a rock and wait to die? 

Now, did he have to drink that blue dinosaur milk? Well, I guess it was funny, gross but funny so... Sure, I guess he did. But I do like that he gave Rey 0 training, they had one meditation session and then he whined about how Obi-Wan was such a stupid asshole. And then Rey ran off to be with her boyfriend, who then told her that her parents were gutter trash (which again, was funny, but I don’t think that was supposed to be funny).

Of the characters introduced in the movie, the only one I really liked was the hacker, and it was for the actor/the beautiful way in which he gracefully exited stage left with zero shame going, “You all knew I was going to betray you!” You beautiful man, you.

Rise of the Skywalker

First, when something is called “Rise of the Skywalker” you know you’re in for a rough time.

But anyways, TLJ was filled with a controversy Disney didn’t want (half their audience hated it, half loved it, but at least they sold those penguin dolls) so they desperately get Abrams back. Only, what he clearly wanted from his series has been shot to hell, and now he’s left with Emperor Kylo Ren, a completely obliterated Resistance, a dead Luke, a love interest he never planned to introduce for Finn, Rey’s parental crisis being solved with trash people, Snoke just suddenly dead, Hux planning revenge, and then some.

And so, Abrams goes the brave and hilarious route of shouting “PRETEND THAT LAST MOVIE NEVER HAPPENED”

We open to a fully functioning Resistance (their bomber fleet is back, their fleet period is back, they have all their fully trained personnel). We have Rey getting the Jedi training she needed this time from Leia, who is now a Jedi, because yay feminism rammed down my throat to make the audience feel better. Rose says “It’s cool guys, I don’t want to join the adventure this film, I’m going to stay here and work on robots” so that she can gracefully exit the entire plot. Kylo Ren is demoted from Emperor in two seconds when we discover that a) Snoke was apparently Palpatine b) for unexplained reasons Palpatine’s alive (and I am now convinced that man will never die). Kylo Ren tells Rey at the first opportunity that he lied about her trash parents AND REALLY SHE’S A PALPATINE! THIS WHOLE TIME, REY! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I’M SUPER SERIAL THIS TIME, REY.

Basically, in the course of an overly long movie, Abrams desperately shoves in everything he was trying to get out of the series, while sobbing, and sobbing even harder when things like Finn being Force Sensitive or Lando having a secret daughter get caught. I actually agree with the Producers on this, by the way, the Finn trying to tell Rey something scenes were weird and indicative of a love triangle but him being Force Sensitive instead... It says a lot that the movies did not change when it was removed, at all. And Lando was just this strange cameo who was in the film to make us feel nostalgic.

And this isn’t even getting to the ridiculous 24 hour time limit (which made me think there should have been some video game style clock in the corner letting us know when Dawn of the Third Day is coming), Palpatine’s other secret army on a secret Sith planet that can be easily taken down by taking out one navigation tower, Rey’s hilarious struggle with the dark side in which she has a vision of herself in a cape hissing, Kylo Ren’s hilarious redemption in which the movie in the form of Leia and Han Solo says, “Alright, Ben, it’s time to stop being evil” and he says “okay”, the fight with Palpatine in which I’m supposed to believe he dies for reals because... I have no idea why I’m supposed to believe he’s dead. The Reylo, god the Reylo, and Kylo Ren’s tragic, hilarious, death.

And then, of course, the ending where Rey decides she’s a Skywalker now.

I actually did laugh all the way through “Rise of the Skywalker”, you can’t not, I mean it’s a hilariously awful movie. The only thing that might have made it more hilarious was if we actually did get those Ewoks.

TL;DR

They’re all bad movies, if you want more specifics than this, you’re just going to have to ask me questions.

[annabethisterrified]

Book Review: THE TOWER OF NERO (The Trials of Apollo #5)

***No spoilers until you go under the cut!***

After months in the human form of Lester Papadopoulos, the former god Apollo is nearing the end of his trials alongside the young Meg McCaffrey. All their adventures and misfortunes have landed them back in the place it started-- New York. Meg and Apollo must defeat the final, most powerful emperor of the Triumvirate, who also happens to be Meg’s manipulative stepfather. Meanwhile, Nico, Will, and Rachel have important roles to play as the final battle looms. Even if they can defeat Nero, a more terrible enemy awaits in the form of Python, Apollo’s nemesis. Still, if they can succeed, Apollo will finally be restored to godhood. But after everything he’s been through, going back to the way things were doesn’t sound so great anymore. Apollo and his friends will have to find a new way to make all the sacrifices and pain they’ve experienced and witnessed worth it. That is, if they can survive their final trial.

As both the culmination of The Trials of Apollo series and the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles, The Tower of Nero excels at bringing the complicated, moving themes of the saga into final, meaningful reckonings. Nero proves to be a chilling and impressive enemy who forces Apollo and Meg to put everything they’ve learned through their journey together to the ultimate test. New and old characters combine to see the story to its end, and long-time readers are rewarded with actualized development and a bittersweet farewell. The Tower of Nero is a fitting and robust conclusion that shines with all the heart, humor, and growth that makes this saga a worthy frontrunner in children’s literature.

SPOILER SECTIONS BELOW

Welcome!!!!!!!!! Y’all. Y’ALL. I am REELING. If you’ve been around here a while, you probably know I’ve been online here since 2012 (?????!!!!!) where I subjected by followers to weird takes and frantic excitement about the upcoming installments of Heroes of Olympus, then Trials of Apollo. Since I was ten years old, this story has been such a huge part of my life. Now I’m 22 (?????!!!!). So. How am I feeling? I’m feeling like I need to flip over every piece of furniture in my house. In a good way. Look. I gotta break this down into three parts because I’m the worst!

I. TRIALS & TRIBULATION

The Trials of Apollo, to me, felt like the inevitable conclusion to Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Heroes of Olympus. We went through two series where we intimately followed the lives of young demigods growing up through two brutal wars, dangerous quests, and personal reckonings. Gods certainly made appearances, and some were more helpful than others, but the message was always clear-- the demigods were on their own. Two wars fought, two wars won, and at what cost? For what change?

Bringing a god down to earth (both literally and metaphorically) is really the only way a story like this could be rounded out. Especially when the god in question is Apollo. He’s the son of Zeus, who punishes him by turning him mortal. This family set-up already has enormous implications in reference to the previous chain of mythological events: Zeus killed his father Kronos, Kronos killed his father Ouranos, etc. 

Prophecy is also the scaffolding of this entire saga. Everything is dictated by it-- every quest relies on it, most of the demigods we meet are led by it, and the whole Greek/Roman world seems to build their lives around it. My point is, Apollo was a great character to use as the mouthpiece of this last series. He’s been present throughout the previous two series, and he’s relatively unaffected by the Greek/Roman divide. The enemy, the Triumvirate, is also an exciting antagonist-- they’ve fueled and funded the previous two wars, and their obsession with becoming “gods” is loaded with implications as Apollo races to return to his own status as a god.

Apollo himself is also a completely terrible being. From the first pages through his perspective, there’s certainly little sympathy or commiseration with our narrator. Apollo is many things: spoiled, petulant, selfish, and arrogant. He is not good, and now, he is no longer a god. Still, his voice and struggle remained compelling and engaging throughout the series. 

His bond with Meg McCaffrey is, without a doubt, the emotional heart of the whole series. I think they both see aspects of themselves in each other, and it was a genius move to make her the stepdaughter of the enemy. Nero literally sent Meg to be Apollo’s controller and thought that she would easily bring him down; the fact that both these very troubled people cling to each other in the face of such manipulation and frightening circumstances-- and then repeatedly choose to fight their ways back to each other time and again-- is really what makes this series work so well.

With Meg and Apollo at the forefront, after The Hidden Oracle the series takes on something of a “tour” format. We discover new places and revisit old characters across the country, which was definitely exciting for long-time readers to see familiar faces undergo even more development. (This might just be me, but I don’t think ToA can really stand on its own without the worldbuilding/establishment of the first two series-- that’s not a knock on it, but so much of it picks up where the previous series left off, which might make it a disorienting read for someone new to the world.)

Of course, the obvious midpoint reversal of the series is the death of Jason Grace in The Burning Maze. A flip switches completely-- not just for Apollo, but for the whole cast. This is not an incident that just “happens” and is swept aside. In the final two installments, Jason is threaded throughout the story, showing how grief is never truly over. But his sacrifice saved everyone he loved, and had profound impacts on everyone he knew. As brutal as it was, I appreciated how Jason really changed everything through his choice. 

By the time Apollo and Meg return to New York in The Tower of Nero, they are better, stronger versions of themselves. The things they once wanted-- godhood restored, or a father’s approval-- are no longer appealing. Their development (both individually and as friends) is utterly believable and hard-won. We see characters from The Hidden Oracle return changed, too. Losing Jason has dredged up dark feelings within Nico, Rachel is warding off the influence of Python in her mind, and Will’s healer heart is put to the test in yet another final battle. (Listen, this kid played instrumental roles in The Last Olympian, The Blood of Olympus, AND The Tower of Nero. The fate of the world really is in his capable, glow-in-the-dark hands.)

Together, Apollo and team venture into Manhattan for a very intense, exciting, and profound final reckoning with Nero. (CHAPTER 20, ANYONE????) Both Apollo and Meg, once and for all, come into their own and reclaim their power and independence. The pay-off is immaculate, and it’s jarring to remember the Apollo we once knew-- the easygoing one from The Titan’s Curse, the snobbish one from The Blood of Olympus, and the self-pitying one from The Hidden Oracle. His development throughout ToA is seamless and incredibly moving, and we’re left with a protagonist that we can truly, unequivocally root for and love.

II. HAVE YOU LEARNED?

When Nero is defeated, the real enemy still lurks. Apollo’s age-old nemesis, Python, has long haunted him. Their final reckoning is one-on-one, and after everything Apollo’s learned and been through, he goes into his last battle not necessarily caring whether he lives or dies-- he just knows Python must be defeated, no matter the cost. Don’t get me STARTED on his last conversation with Meg!!!!?????? (”Just come back to me, dummy.” I LOVE THEM) 

So, yeah, I’m already crying at that point. Apollo (slowly regaining his godhood) goes into this completely by himself, assuming all risk and responsibility. He’s forced to sacrifice the Arrow of Dodona, and eventually chooses to sacrifice himself by flinging them both down to Tartarus. But we don’t stop there! Oh, no, we go all the way down to Chaos. The primordial soup of all the pantheons, all of existence. Python crumbles, and Apollo clings to the edge-- he clings to life.

This is it. This is the literal rock-bottom moment of the saga, and I’m completely unsure of how he’s getting out of this one. Who’s going to rescue him? What can he even do at this point? Genuinely, I had no idea where this was going-- and I never would have guessed that it would be the goddess Styx who shows up. She’s played an important, but also very minor, role in ToA. I was baffled at first-- I thought, what does she have to do with any of this? But then it ended up playing out in like the most breathtaking, moving way possible. It’s one of the most defining scenes of the entire 15 books to me. 

She only asks him: “Have you learned?”

This is the goddess of promises and oaths. Since The Lightning Thief, we’ve seen how oaths are tossed around like confetti. Percy’s very existence (not to mention Thalia and Jason’s) is because of a broken promise. An oath to keep with a final breath is one of the revisited elements throughout the Heroes of Olympus series. Apollo makes willy-nilly promises in The Hidden Oracle, which he later regrets. 

Then, at the end of everything, Styx only asks Apollo if he’s learned. All the talk of promises and oaths in this story doesn’t actually have anything to do with “keeping promises”-- certainly, so many promises are broken we can’t keep track. It all boils down to whether we learn from what we experience and use that to become better people moving forward. It’s about making sure we mean what we say and what we do. It’s about commitment and devotion to the people we love and the things we care about. Promises don’t matter. Only action does. 

I can’t understate how thoroughly pleased I was that this was the final reckoning of the saga. It was an unexpected and completely profound moment, and such an important scene to use as the emotional climax of the book.

III. WHERE WE GO FROM HERE

After 15 years and 15 books, The Tower of Nero had to find a way to bring the saga to a close without nailing the coffin shut. More standalone novels are surely on the horizon (I’m looking at you, Nico and Will), but as a whole, this saga did need to come to a satisfying end. 

Let’s pick up after Apollo is restored to godhood. He wakes up to his sister Artemis, and the very first thing he does? After finally returning to his true form, the thing he’s relentlessly yearned for the whole series? He just breaks down sobbing. He’s miserable. There’s no relief or joy in the realization that he’s once again an Olympian. 

I’m always a sucker for the trope of “Character does everything possible to reach Goal only to realize that Goal isn’t actually what they want or need at all”, so of course, I was moved to see Apollo learn that he doesn’t actually care much about whether he’s a god or a human anymore. (In fact, he later remarks that he envies Lu’s new ability to grow old and age alongside Meg and her foster siblings.)

I was doubly-moved that Apollo’s restoration to godhood was not an action on Zeus’s part. From what little context we get (a lot happens “off screen” and even Apollo isn’t sure), it appears that Apollo either reclaimed his own godhood through sheer force of will to return from Chaos and reunite with his friends, and/or Styx aided him. But it seems obvious Zeus wasn’t involved, which has HUGE implications for the power structure of the Olympians moving forward.

A lot of us, myself included, had certain expectations for how Apollo’s inevitable reunion with Zeus and the rest of the Olympians would go. I, for one, was excited to see Apollo either tell off his father, or possibly assume a position as the new Camp Half-Blood director or New Rome’s pontifex maximus. Instead, we got a somewhat quiet, but incredibly tense interaction between all the Olympians. The closest thing to an outburst is actually between Hera and Zeus, as she tells him off for not mourning his son Jason, as Apollo did. (Dare I say....I liked Hera for a moment?) (ALSO, I’m fully on-board with the theory that Zeus did not intervene in Jason’s death as a punishment for Jason publicly calling him “unwise” in The Blood of Olympus.)

The whole scene reads as a powder keg. Already, it’s established that Apollo, Artemis, and Dionysus (and possibly even Athena and Hera) have no illusions of Zeus’s grandeur. They do not view him as family, or even as a leader. He’s simply just the one with enough power to punish the rest of them when they get “out of line”. 

Apollo began naming Zeus as his abuser fairly early on in the series. Perhaps witnessing the way Meg thinks and speaks about her stepfather Nero made this clear for him. In either case, he begins to explicitly mirror the very same advice he gives Meg in dealing with her abuser: distance yourself from the abusive person/situation, and accept that tyrants do not change and it is not your responsibility to attempt to make them “see the light”. Thus, Apollo makes no appeal or argument to Zeus– he understands by then that it’d be fruitless. Instead, he’s concentrating his energy on doing everything he can do with what he has; he’s committed to being a protector and friend of demigods, and he sees that other gods are beginning to (if not already) see Zeus’s wrongness. (More on this here.)

Was it what I expected going into the book? Nope. But I have to admit that it was really exciting to see Zeus try to hide the very real fear of realizing that his son Apollo is no longer afraid of him, and is quite possibly more powerful than him, too. Apollo switches gears entirely away from Zeus, and focuses his energy back on the friends he’s made and the children he has. It’s a refreshing reminder that it’s often more productive to concentrate on helping others instead of harming those who harm us. 

That being said, I would have liked a few paragraphs or pages discussing what practical differences there will be for the lives of young demigods in the wake of this change. I understand that might not have worked given the very condensed timeline post-returning-to-godhood (the story ends literally the same day or day after), but I do hope and believe that Apollo’s transformation is going to change the way demigods perceive gods-- and what they will expect of gods in the future. Just look at how Apollo is received by the campers at CHB. They’re ecstatic to see him. They think of him as a hero. Apollo is coming back just to help and spend time with his kids, his friends, and the campers, and he’s going to keep coming back. The other gods are certainly going to feel some pressure to follow suit. 

Speaking of Apollo’s reunions...shall we?

I loved that we got to see all the main-players one last time. Mimicking the “tour format” of the series, we get to watch Apollo catch up with his loved ones, who helped him learn how to be a better person throughout his trials.

It was sad, but reassuring, to watch Nico come to terms with Jason’s death. I like how he outlined the differences between Hazel’s and Jason’s deaths, and why he isn’t interfering out of respect for Jason. Watching Jason appear to Apollo (ambiguously as a ghost or as a figment of Apollo’s dream-imagination) was another moving reminder of the stark differences in the ways that different demigods prioritize and think about what it is to be a hero. Jason’s idea and Percy’s idea, for instance, are super different because of the way they were raised. Percy would put anything on the line for his family and friends; so would Jason, of course, but he also has a much broader view of what’s worth sacrificing your life for...which is admirable in ways, but also painfully sad, since a lot has to change in order for Jason’s death to carry weight. Over the course of the last two books, I think it’s very safe to say Jason’s death did change just about everything for the people who knew and loved him, and even those who didn’t. 

Whew. Okay, back to Camp Half-Blood. Nico and Will are clearly now very comfortable with each other, and it’s refreshing to see how they both watch out for each other and bring out the best in one another. I’m excited for their inevitable solo book, but regardless, it’s good to see Nico getting the help he needs (from his own experiences, from Dionysus, Will, etc), and for Rachel to get some distance from her terrible parents by living out her art student dreams in Paris. 

Then, we drop by the Waystation. I simply cannot get over the fact that Calypso is at BAND CAMP. Anyway, it’s unsurprising to find out that she and Leo are still “complicated”, but I’m glad she’s experiencing the highs and lows of mortal life, and that Leo is working on helping out vulnerable youth (and has two mom figures in his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Glad we get to see Thalia and Reyna both happy and healthy, too.

Next up, Camp Jupiter and New Rome. LOVE that Hazel and Frank have both reclaimed the curses that haunted them since The Son of Neptune. They really both did just...like...basically die to bring down the Big Bad and then come back better than ever. (Side note: I still obviously have issues with the fact that Hazel is SO YOUNG! There was no reason for her not to be 15/16 like the rest of the Argo 2 crew! Ugh.)

Anyway, then we say goodbye to Percy and Annabeth. Except for the annoying continuity error in terms of the timeline of them learning about Jason, I really really really loved this parting moment with them. I know some readers wanted Percy and Annabeth to stay in New York, but it always felt very natural and meaningful for me that they’d want to relocate to New Rome. That was always the Big Dream for most of Heroes of Olympus, and it makes sense to me that they’d choose to live somewhere designed for demigods to actually live and grow old and raise families. Besides, I’m quite certain they’ll frequently be visiting New York. I digress. 

It was super bittersweet to see these two finally off on their own (and basically living together, as Apollo teasingly implies) going to college! Definitely a huge sigh of relief and satisfaction after following all their exploits since they were twelve. I’m so glad we get to see them (all things considered) happy and excited for their new life together. They certainly stepped back in this series, as they deserved. But they still lose Jason, and that’s something that weighs heavily on them and likely always will. Apollo calls Jason “the best of us”, and I don’t think that use of “us” is lost on Percy, Annabeth, or anyone-- Apollo’s identity and alignment is with them now, which will hopefully lead to positive change.

Then, simultaneously the saddest and happiest (?) reunion-- with Piper. This was obviously really heavy, since the last time Apollo sees her is in the wake of Jason’s death. For me, I’m very proud and excited by the fact that Piper is the only character who basically forges a whole new life (outside of the sphere of the Olympians) for herself. She’s far from other demigods and gods, and is committed to reconnecting with her mortal family and making a beautiful life. She has a new friend, too, which is absolutely awesome. (I mean, we all KNEW, right? But it’s really great to see this confirmed on-page.) When Piper told Apollo that he did right by Jason, I definitely lost it. And I also just really loved the final beat with her-- Apollo’s stammering a goodbye, but Piper’s already turned around to walk back to her new friend and her new life.

The final farewell, of course, went to Meg McCaffrey. She’s reclaimed Aeithales, and is now foster-sibling-extraordinaire by rescuing Nero’s other adopted demigods and giving them a new chance. Meg’s really matured and grown into such a kind and strong leader, but it was super bittersweet to see how much she still values Apollo. Their reunion just about broke me. They share a bond that no one else will ever understand, and they brought each other out of darkness that nearly ended them both. I literally can’t think of a better final dialogue than what they share:

You’ll come back?

Always. The sun always comes back. 

I’m fine!!! 

Anyway, this brings me to the closing lines of the story. Just as Percy opens The Lightning Thief by directly addressing the reader, Apollo closes The Tower of Nero by bidding farewell to us. 

Call on me. I will be there for you. 

On so many levels, this line works really well as the ending. For me, and I imagine for you too if you’re reading this, these 15 books are a pillar of our childhoods. We grew up alongside these characters, and found enormous excitement and identity and magic in these pages. The story may have come to a close, but it lives on within us-- it’s something we can return to time and again for enjoyment and understanding.

More than anything, this story pulled off something I didn’t really know was possible: it makes me feel genuinely and enthusiastically glad to be human, no matter how strange or hard it gets.

____________

My fifth-grade teacher assigned The Lightning Thief as mandatory reading when I was ten years old. I picked it up reluctantly, but from the first lines, I just completely fell into this story. Twelve years since that assignment, I’m now a traditionally-published author myself...writing about what else but mythology, of course. These books saw me from elementary school all the way to post-college life. It’s hard to imagine where I’d be without them-- certainly, I’d never have achieved my lifelong dream of becoming an author, nor would I have found such an incredible online community like the one I’ve found here. I consider myself extremely lucky to have grown up alongside these characters and their incredible story. 

I know we’ve likely got more standalones in this world to come, but this is still the end of the saga. I’m sad to see it come to a close, but I’m so ecstatic with the send-off we got, and I’m excited to let the story settle and become a part of me-- something that will always affect how I see the world, something that reminds me of why I write, and something that’s always there to welcome me home.

[ragnaofazure]

Demonic Hunger

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The time was the middle of the afternoon, the location was the middle of nowhere in every sense of the word, inside an unnamed forest no one but a stranded soul from an unfortunate travel incident should be inside of. In the heart of it, there was Ragna, lying in the middle of a grassy field in a clearing, but...

In a big circle all over his figure, a huge patch of green dried and died, exactly around where he lied, as if the life of it had been drained and ruined permanently. The reason he was so far out and far away from any civilization... Was this. He currently was undergoing through the incredibly dangerous and unstable process of the Blue Grimoire; the incubating Black Beast -- Yamata no Orochi currently corrupting his body and soul further.

His whole body felt as if it was in hades, his head pounding with an  unbearble headache, his very soul on fire as his right arm pulsated and was letting terrible, menacing energy from within as the beast was taking his body over further; taking more of his humanity. It enhanced the abilities and powers he gained from it all, of course, but at this cost. And it was not just some very painful process as his very being became more eroded, that would be too easy to endure the reminder of the reason why he has to be put down before his natural end comes.

...It was because the demonic serpent could always use this time; this opportunity to break out, overtake it's vessel's body and go into a rampage. Of course, Ragna would never allow that, he endured such suffering all by himself and went places incredibly secluded such as this just in case to undergo this hell.

However... This time... It seemed everything would take a turn for the absolute worst. It seemed the corruption of his entire being had started to go to stages too high for him to contain. Or he had simply been too weak to fight it this time around. The man rose to his feet, the last of his resistance giving way, the beast was knocking at the door... 

As he lifted his right arm, starting to yell to high heaven in incredible pain, wicked energy starting to drain all life in a growing radius. His veins shone a dark red brightly as the aura enveloped his body... It spiraled out of control as his screams then began turning to roars, his body felt as if it would break apart... Until with lightning crackling all over, heads of the beast formed from the aura as his whole apperance changed.

His right hand taking the shape of a huge claw, his teeth grew bigger and sharper, they were now fangs, his voice was no more and was officially replaced by nothing but hungry growls and screams of the beast he now ressembled. It stood in place as it absorbed the life of nature around it just by merely standing in place.

But it did not wish to waste time. It hungered. Of course it did. It wished to resume devouring humanity. As more of the heads formed, 'he' would then... begin literally dissolving. His body, everything into some form of liquidated mist and entered the earth.

This was a method for travelling fast Ragna could also make use of, but chose to never utilize, now it was being demonstrated, however. But where was it heading? The outskirts of the biggest city it could find, and moving in the fashion it was... It took no longer than half an hour, following nothing but the memories of it's vessel. Why the outskirts and not just storm the settlement directly?

The answer was rather simple, it wasn't a monster without a brain, thus... As 'he' stood there, back going into an arc, a thunderous roar still hundreds if not thousands of miles away would be able to be heard by all the humans. As literal tremors rocked all the way from 'his' location to the target, the warning of sorts had been made.

Everyone still knew it quite well, and the beast wished to catch them running, panicking... It loved when all the delicious morsels ran away with futility. It gave them... Half an hour, the city had gone on full alert, knowing the readings, the presence -- everything. As soon as the arrival was made, the shock when it was discovered the weaponry was no longer even making remotely a scratch, the panic was the best dressing to add to the first snacks as he stood there, watching their awe...

Keeping it surprisingly clean yet messy, in a blinding fast cleave of his claw, the first soldier was brutalized, split beyond half... Then wasted no time in beginning to literally devour all it could by stuffing 'his' mouth. It was delicious, ah... How it missed this taste greatly. The rest of the military forces simply dropped their weapons and issued the escape order. For the whole city. Which would prove pointless for at least ninety percent of it. That was the moment it took place: From the heads; the body of the beast itself in actuality behind began spawning...

The 'Remains'.

Other miniature multiheaded serpents, what seemed to be oversized feral dogs, wolves, tentacle beasts whose tendrils ended on sharp and big enough mouths... They were all part of it. All of those monstrosities. And now they were going to chase down all the possible food. Increasingly. Of course, everything they devoured? It all was essentially moved towards -his- stomach; as if it was just another maw devouring the meal, ultimately.

Buildings would began falling to the main beast heads slamming in them, the ‘remains helping along too. Fires would start by blasts of energy being fired from the aforementioned heads, a sea of flames would increasingly began to envelop the city as it sunk into absolute chaos. No human life was safe.

Wherever anyone tried to hide if they weren't caught running? One of the remnants would sniff them out to devour them in bloody fashion; from the throat then to the main dish below, some from the face into the head or the latter itself... It did not matter how, they all did nothing but kill and eat... and eat... and eat... A bottomless pit of a monster.

Screams of terror and unimaginable noises of begs of mercy, cries, bodies being torn open as some were played with... The scene was nothing short of the definition of a hell. A hell that would come to an end that night after a whole day of rampage.

As if by only miracle, a torrential rain would begin pouring down not long after it finally came to an end. On perhaps the ultimate irony of sorts, 'he' stood in a huge crater where a big church used to stand. As the beast roared out and recalled all of the remnants, it seemed it was finally satisfied. This time.

Of a population of five digits... It was reduced to three digits overall. At least. The only fortunate ones able to escape were those on the opposite side of the arrival, near the outskirts of it.

As 'his' gaze became fixated towards the sky, one last thundering roar left the beast, as it knew... It's time was up. As if it was an illusion, it began disappearing into the air and back into the right arm it appeared from, leaving Ragna finally back in control, as if equally none of it ever happened. Of course, he collapsed in the middle of said crater, absolutely blacking out for hours on end; for the rest of that night until next morning.

That morning, he slowly rose to the sound and feeling of a more calm rain. He was confused, groggy... He could barely stand, head hurting and his mind clouded, unable to remember what he did as he tried to stand up and eventually succeeding... Then to immediately see his reflection in a clear puddle not far away. His face, his mouth... They were caked in blood; that taste and the sensation he ate beyond what he could imagine of -that-...

He vomited then and there. And in great amounts. Most of the discharge was red, full of remains of what still was in there, it seemed as it wouldn't stop... And when there finally seemed to be a pause? As soon as he was able to have enough air for himself...

A scream of true horror that echoed in the deserted, destroyed city ensued as he fell to his knees, he knew what happened and it was all his fault, essentially. He remained on his knees, in place and in panic for a solid hour before he realized it was better to move, soon enough they would come to scan this area, and it was better he didn't get found here, otherwise... He feared what he'd do again that moment. Slowly picking himself up, Ragna dragged his feet as he held his right arm, which felt heavier than ever before, he didn't feel as he could move it an inch despite nothing being wrong with it.

He wanted to run, but he couldn't, he did not have enough motivation for that, even... Only take the sights of the actions as well as to continue to deal with the weight of it all.

Crying in fear and despair, he wanted to disappear... But he couldn't. It wasn't that easy regardless. He would one day pay for all this, but he couldn't yet, he could only continue to exist with even more weight and this further added trauma.

All while he tried his best to believe he still was human. That he wasn't a monster.

He was himself.

He was Ragna.

Not the Beast.

He only wants to live... As a human being...

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 1 for the first time. Random thoughts.

This show is kind of nice because I have no memories of the original She-Ra show, or even any of He-Man, honestly. I'm not sure if I ever watched the original, so I have no frame of reference for how the series is "supposed" to be. I can just take it and judge it as is.

Of the bat, all I know is that supposedly She-Ra and Catra get together as a romantic couple later, but I'm also a huge My Hero Academia fan and the fandom around me ships every character with every other character, so for all I know that might just be shipper wishful thinking I've been seeing and hearing. Given fandoms for Gravity Falls, Thor, and Supernatural ship even siblings together, I've learned not to trust anything except for what I see in the series for myself.

By the way, this isn't a review, just random thoughts and comments I'm having as I'm going through season 1 for the first time.

Episodes 1 and 2: Right off, I really like Catra's "No duh" response to Adora about the truth of the horde. She knows they've been lying to them and have been doing terrible things, she just doesn't care. If she and Adora play their cards right they could end up being the ones in charge and then they'd have all that power. Not necessarily to make things better but enough to where they could do whatever and live however they want. That's a good build for an antagonist. Not ignorant to the fact what they're doing is wrong, just simply so selfish that they don't care.

Episode 3: It really feels like there was no good reason why Glimmer didn't just outright introduce Adora to her mother and every reason she should have known it was a bad idea to try and hide her for a surprise. Being a former horde soldier she'd probably get treated with hostility if Glimmer brought her to the front gate but you'd almost guarantee Adora would get arrested or outright killed if she got caught while no one else knew she was there.

On the other side, we have Hordak being pretty intelligent in promoting Catra. He probably knows Shadow Weaver already doesn't like him, so it's not like he's losing anything making her upset with him, and it's clear she favors Adora way more than Catra, so that little bit of advancement towards Catra probably goes a long way in earning her loyalty to him and a person on the inside with Shadow Weaver.

Also, I'm not the only one who saw Madam Razz and immediately thought Adora had found her Yoda, right?

Episode 4: I don't know how it was in the original She-Ra and He-Man series but I kind of like She-Ra being this title from legend. Adora is not the first She-Ra, given what Razz was talking about with a Mara, so instead of being something new, impressing everyone with abilities they've never seen before, and creating the legend, Adora is placed in a position WAY over her head where she's having to live up to what came before her.

Episode 5: Calling it now, as long as her personality is genuine I think Scorpia is going to be one of my favorite characters in this show. She's...endearing, I think is the best word. She's like a mix of Kronk and a nicer Shego.

For a little bit I thought Mermista was voiced by the same actress who played Poison Ivy in the Harley Quinn animated series. She's not but they do have the same kind of Daria-ish inflections, thus by confusion. Given the prom episode, Sea Hawk feels kind of like her Kite Man.

Episode 6: Okay, now it's between Scorpia and Entrapta who are likely to be my favorites by the end of this. She's fun and quirky.

Episode 7: Quite the lore drop. Shadow Weaver was once a Mystacor sorceress known as Light Spinner. I like to imagine we'll get more on that later. Her haunting Adora reminded me of the Teen Titans' episode where Robin was similarly haunted by Slade. This didn't go as far as that but that's probably for the best, since TT had two and a half seasons to build that dynamic up with Robin and Slade while we're only now halfway through the first season.

Episode 8: Well dang. Again, I don't know for sure if Adora and Catra do end up together but boy do I buy why they're shipped together after that dance. Also, good on Bow for standing up for himself. It's clear that he'll always be Glimmer's friend and this won't change that but that doesn't mean he has to just accommodate her. I understand where her issues stem from but I am still glad he gave her a reality check. It helps him feel a little more like his own character.

Also, another nice little bit of lore and worldbuilding. Scorpia's a princess, the horde landed where her people lived, and they seemed to join them willingly.

Episode 9: Surprisingly don't have a lot to say about this other than I don't buy for a second that Entrapta is dead (EDIT: She's not). This was mostly action.

Episode 10: Not going to lie, this one kind of annoyed me a little, at least the first half. The conversation between Glimmer and her mother saved it a bit. It was a bit of a trifecta. You have the alliance breaking apart, saying that the loss of Entrapta only happened because they were all together...even though Entrapta only "died" because of her own machine obsession that caused her to deliberately walk back into the purging chamber. You have Entrapta who might be turning to the horde's side because she feels abandoned by the other princesses...even though they thought she was dead, and again it was her fault they got separated. And you have Glimmer refusing to tell her mother that Shadow Weaver's dark magic has caused her powers to go on the fritz and is causing her great pain. It just feels like none of this would be an issue if most of these people would stop being self-absorbed for three seconds and talk like any normal person would. It feels very CW drama, like something I'd see in a bad season of Arrow or The Flash. The only person whose issues I buy is Adora, who is basically a soldier who was never properly raised to deal with emotion or loss and is already struggling with the burden of being She-Ra, the legendary savior. I get why she's beating down on herself for not being able to do more even if nothing that happened was her fault.

Episode 11: JEEEEEEEEEZZZZ, that was such a good episode! Focused entirely on Adora and Catra and their past together. Like, just showing someone this episode alone could probably get them to want to watch the series. That was everything you needed to know about their dynamic and history together.

Also, that moment when Catra and her past self are looking at each other, while obviously Catra takes the opposite lesson, it reminded me of this fanart I'd once seen of Jason Todd, the Red Hood, looking at his past self as Robin. The past says to the future "You ruined everything". Catra could be happy but, ironically for someone who hates Shadow Weaver, she's probably going to be a lot like her, sacrificing everything for power and ambition.

Given the way she looked, I'm guessing Shadow Weaver is either addicted to the power of the Black Garnet or she suffered some kind of past injury and its power is the only thing keeping her going. Or both.

Episode 12: I'll be honest, Swiftwind being able to talk kind of gobsmacked and I needed a moment to recover. What a great voice they chose for that character.

So She-Ra is kind of like the legendary heroes from Rising of the Shield Hero, coming from a long line of people chosen to wield the sword. I tend to dislike chosen one types of stories because I think prophecy takes a lot of weight out of the character's actions, so this and Avatar are more what I like. The MC is special but not the only one who's ever been special and they can still easily fail. Their destiny was only to be able to use the weapon, not that they would succeed in any specific purpose.

And dang, Catra's turn against Shadow Weaver happened faster than I thought it would but I'm not complaining. That great "This is what you've really been preparing me for" speech and Hordak, again, being an intelligent villain. "Oh, this experiment could net me a MASSIVE gain and all it could potentially cost me is this rock I already gave away to someone who lately hasn't been producing any results and has been consistently disobeying me. Yeah, I'm going to let this play out."

Episode 13: That was kind of a brutal fight between Adora and Catra. Not the worst I've ever seen even in other shows for this age range (Samurai Jack, for example) but those punches are connecting and those claws are leaving marks.

Also, maybe I'm just misunderstanding the exact situation but shouldn't the good guys' side be called the Resistance instead of the Rebellion? Being a rebellion would imply they are rebelling against an established power or rule over them, but the actual conflict we are shown is the established power and rule that is the kingdoms of Eternia resisting an outside force that wishes to establish a new order over them.

Season 1 verdict: I'm into it. I'm definitely more invested in the villains' side of things but that's not a fault of the series, that stuff is just way more geared towards me than the current princess stuff. I actively am at attention whenever the horde main characters are on screen. For the good guys it's mostly Adora and the She-Ra stuff I'm invested it. That isn't to say I have any real dislikes for that side. Bow especially I'm liking much more than I thought I might. He has kind of this gravitational pull around him. You will be his friend regardless of how much you might want to resist. He's definitely the rock for everyone else to hold onto.

Minor side note, kind of like Korra in Legend of Korra, I love how even when her powers aren't active Adora is shown to still be pretty strong physically with how easily she was lifting people up at the prom.

And I was right, Scorpia is my favorite side character.

On to season 2!

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/nyll2e/going_in_blind_watching_season_1_for_the_first/

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 6 of 26

Title: The Killing Moon (Dreamblood #1) (2012)

Author: N. K. Jemisin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, First-Person, Third-Person, Female Protagonist, LGBT Protagonist, Asexual Protagonist.

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 2/07/2021

Date Finished: 2/13/2021

Peace is sacred in the walled city-state of Gujaareh, and must be maintained at any cost. The Gatherers are a priesthood tasked with maintaining this goal. In the name of Hananja, Goddess of the moon, they walk the city at night and harvest Dreamblood-- the magic of dreams-- from Gujaareh's denizens. They bring the peace of death to those who need it... and to those judged criminal or corrupt.

But something else haunts Gujaareh's streets. A Reaper, a rogue Gatherer driven to endless madness and hunger from Dreamblood, is preying on the innocent, casting their souls into an eternal nightmare. Ehiru, one of the elder Gatherers, finds himself caught in the middle of a political conspiracy between his priesthood, the holy Prince, and the monstrous Reaper. An insidious corruption runs deeper than Ehiru knows-- and it may be too late to stop. 

The Gatherer’s eyes glittered in her memory, so dark, so cold--but compassionate, too. That had been the truly terrifying thing. A killer with no malice in his heart: it was unnatural. With nothing in his heart, really, except the absolute conviction that murder could be right and true and holy. 

Full review, major spoilers, and content warnings under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Graphic depictions of violence, gore, death, warfare, and murder-- including death of children and mass murder. Discussions of p*dophilia/grooming (nothing graphic). Brief reference to r*pe. One character is a minor infatuated with a much older character-- not reciprocated. Rigid gender and social roles, including slavery. Magic-induced addiction and withdrawal. Loss of sanity/altered mental states/mind control/gaslighting.

Last year I read N. K. Jemisin's short story collection How Long 'Til Black Future Month?  One of my favorite stories was The Narcomancer, which explored a vibrant, ancient Egypt-inspired world with themes of faith, dreams, violence, and duty. I wanted to read more from the universe, and finally got to do so with The Killing Moon, the first book in the Dreamblood duology.

Jemisin's creativity in worldbuilding is, in my opinion, unmatched in the fantasy genre. I thought Gujaareh was super interesting and fleshed out. While the ancient Egypt inspiration is obvious, it's also clearly an original fantasy culture in its own right. Everything from religious practices to social castes to gender roles to the fucking architecture felt methodical and thought out. The base premise of assassin priests compassionately harvesting magic from people is a fascinating idea and totally gripping. The pacing is a little slow, but I didn't mind so much because learning about the world was so fun.

While there's a hefty amount of worldbuilding exposition in the story, Jemisin doles out information gradually. Bits and pieces of Gujaareen law, etc are introduced at the beginning of each chapter, and usually have a thematic connection to the events of the story. Information is sparing at times, meaning that one doesn't have a full picture of how everything ties together until pretty far into the story. Even something as crucial as the dream-based magic system isn't fully realized until near the end. I like the mystery of this approach, and I can appreciate how difficult it must be to keep the reader invested vs frustrating them with a lack of info. Jemisin consistently does a great job with this in everything I've read by her.

I did want a little bit more from the narcomancy aspect of the story, since dream worlds are such a huge part of Gujaareen religion and culture. In The Killing Moon we see just a few dreamscapes, and then only briefly. There's so much potential with narcomancy as a magic system, yet most of what we see is an outside, "real-world" perspective, which isn't terribly unique compared to other kinds of magic. Dreamblood being a narcotic (heh) with some Extra Fantasy Stuff is interesting, but I wanted more. Perhaps The Shadowed Sun expands on this. 

Characterization is the other Big Thing with this book, as it's very much a character-driven story. Overall I'm torn. There's some things I really liked, and others that felt underdeveloped. I'll go over my favorite things first.

Ehiru is probably the strongest of the main cast, and I really enjoyed his character arc. Here's a guy who is completely devoted to his faith, regardless of what others may think of it. Yet he's not a self-righteous dick. He sees Gathering as a loving and holy thing, so when he errs in the line of duty, it totally consumes him. And things just get worse and worse for him as the story progresses. Say what you will about the Gatherers and the belief system of Gujaareh; Ehiru comes off as intensely caring, devoted, and compassionate, and I genuinely felt bad for him throughout the novel. I'm not religious but these kinds of faith narratives are super interesting to me.

Looking at characterization as a whole, I appreciate The Killing Moon's gray morality. No one in the story is wholly good or evil. The Gatherers are an obvious example, considering they murder people in the dead of night in the name of their Goddess-- but do so to help those in need. Despite being a megalomaniacal mass-murderer, the Prince has believable reasons for his horrific actions, and they’re not wholly selfish. Even the Reaper is a clear victim of Dreamblood's addictive and mind-altering nature; it sometimes regresses into the person it used to be, which is sad and disturbing. There's a lot of moral complexity in the characters and the laws and belief systems they follow. This kind of nuanced writing is much more interesting to read than a black and white approach.

Beyond this, though, I struggled to connect with the other leads. Nijiri's utter devotion to Ehiru is basically his whole character, and while the tragedy of that is interesting for its own reasons, I kept wanting more from him. Sunandi is a good "outsider perspective" character but I had a hard time understanding her at times. For example, the two most important people in her life, Kinja and Lin, die in quick succession. Yet besides a brief outburst when Lin dies, this barely seems to affect her. I get people mourn in all kinds of ways but it seems odd. Her sexual tension with Ehiru is also weird and underdeveloped. Perhaps this is meant to be a callback to The Narcomancer, but it doesn't accomplish much in this narrative.

Another issue I had was emotional connection to minor-yet-important characters. Kinja dies offscreen before the story, yet is supposed to be a big part of Sunandi's past (and thus emotional arc). But he's never even in a flashback, so I never felt WHY he mattered to her. Una-une is the big one, though. It's pretty easy to figure out he's the Reaper by process of elimination, but he's barely in the story outside of a few early mentions. There's this part near the end that's clearly meant to be an emotional moment; Ehiru realizes his (apparently beloved) mentor Una-une is the horrific monster, and thus a foil to the situation between himself and Nijiri. But we never saw the relationship between Ehiru and Una-une, and nothing really established this prior... so there's no emotional payoff. It felt at times like this book was part of a much longer story that for whatever reason we never got to see. In some ways that can be useful to make the world and history seem vast, but here it made me feel emotionally distant from several characters. Perhaps flashbacks with these important characters would have helped bridge the gap. 

Credit where it's due, though; it's clear a lot of the dark, often brutal tone and stylistic flair in The Killing Moon was adapted into Jemisin's fantastic Broken Earth trilogy. Probably the most notable are the cryptic interlude chapters told from the perspective of a mysterious character whose identity is unknown until the end. We learn bits and pieces of the beliefs and lore of the world through excerpts of common laws and wisdom. I also liked the occasional stream-of-consciousness writing during tense or surreal moments. The Broken Earth is an improvement overall, but I can appreciate The Killing Moon for establishing some of these techniques early.

I enjoyed this book overall and am planning to read The Shadowed Sun. While I have some criticisms about The Killing Moon, I think it just suffers in comparison to other works I've read by Jemisin. It was still an entertaining and intense read, with a captivating and original world. It's not a story for the faint of heart, though, so please mind the content warnings.  

[musical-chick-13]

And Theon bc I love him

WHAT A COINCIDENCE I LOVE HIM TOO (this answer is gonna be a combination of books and show)

Send me a character and I’ll tell you the following:

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

-I would say yes. The only negative I have about his general arc is his death (which, see below). But Theon from the very beginning was, though not a particularly nice person, still relatable. Feeling othered, wanting to be accepted by an immediate environment that doesn’t accept you, isolated from and ostracized by your family, and the tension that comes between serving the different types of familial relationships in your life. Theon has no idea who he is, tossed aside by his blood family for not growing up with them and being “soft,” aka sort-of moral and having emotions that aren’t selfish rage or smugness (which, yep, that second part is a mood, see: my entire childhood and how no one wanted to be around an “emotional” “soft” child). And from there, he spirals out of control in a way that, while certainly not admirable by any stretch of the imagination, is still understandable in the context of the narrative and his characterization. And from there, after going through hell and quite literally losing himself (even to the point of straight-up denying rescue), he builds himself back up gradually, to the point where he expressed extreme regret for what he’s done, helps an innocent woman escape a truly horrifying situation, acknowledges that his family is generally garbage, and (in-show b/c again books aren’t finished), helping to restore his sister to power, rescuing her after his PTSD relapses while confronting Euron, and ultimately opting to protect the Starks come hell or high water in order to genuinely atone for what he’s done. He is no longer conflicted because he wants to do the right thing, and that right thing is defending the kingdom from the White Walkers and making sure Sansa and Bran are safe. And it’s no longer about fulfilling a duty or finding a family to fill the void. Because now he has found himself. I will contend that Theon has one of the best, most nuanced, most organic redemption arcs of all time. I will forever be grateful that I got to see that piece of storytelling unfold.

Although, I would love to know what he thought of Dany. A missed opportunity, that.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

-Positive: His arc of identity and finding where your loyalties lie ties into the overall theme of “How do you find yourself in a world where goodness, authenticity, and honesty are often punished and increasingly rare?” And it proves that governmental politics aren’t the only defining factors in decisions: familial politics can be just as difficult and dangerous, which adds yet another rich, complicated layer to the overall story. He has a genuine, honest-to-Drowned-God redemption arc, which is...not really present anywhere else in the story (no, Jaime is not on a Redemption Quest, I will die on this hill). But I think the biggest draw of Theon’s presence is that it deconstructs the whole “Character Revenge Fantasy” idea. He does bad things. We want him to be punished. But not like that. No one deserves that. How far is too far? What does retribution really look like? Given how easily that idea can be abused and go off the rails, is retribution even something to strive for? What is the point of using extreme violence/torture/mutilation/breaking someone’s psyche when it doesn’t really accomplish anything? Isn’t atonement and genuine justice a better option? It certainly was for Theon. He could only piece himself back together and do anything meaningful once he was out of his abusive environment. All of these are imporant questions that are posed by his existence in the narrative.

-Negative: Idk if I have much to say here. My biggest problem is his death (see below), but that’s not really a negative story effect so much as...being disappointing and narratively irrelevant. I gotta say, his introduction via his sister was...really weird. I genuinely have no idea why GRRM wrote that. It never came up again or had any kind of narrative ramifications and kind of cast a strange, uncomfortable light on his relationship with Asha/Yara for the remainder of the story. I can ignore and enjoy their later relationship it if I don’t think about it too hard, though, so I guess I’ll chalk it up to GRRM having a Bad Idea.

• What my favorite arc for them is.

-All of it?? Theon’s journey is kind of...one big arc, which is why I think it works so well. He has this overarching redemption plot which spans the entire series and informs every decision he makes (for good or for bad, depending on where in the aforementioned journey he is). The redemption arc isn’t bogged down with side plots or other pieces of narrative clutter, meaning it has time to grow and, thus, be gradual and realistic. If I had to choose a specific point, it’s probably when he tries to reintegrate back into society via supporting Yara. Gaining the Iron Islands’ support for her ruling, spiriting away with Euron’s fleet, and ultimately rescuing his sister after her capture. He can’t just go back into society. He’s scared. He has really bad PTSD. But he recognizes that putting his home in good hands is something bigger than just him because it’s Yara’s home, too. I just...I really love family relationships, y’all.

• What I think of their ending.

-I’m not really sure how I feel about this one. I get that the series is GrimDark™ and that people who make the right choice and fight for good die all the time, but Theon dying just felt...wrong. To me.

And, like...I get it. It makes sense to parallel his original descent into villainy (cemented by executing those two boys and pretending they were Bran and Rickon) with him dying to protect Bran himself. It ties into the whole very common trope of completing a full redemption arc by committing a completely selfless act at great personal cost. It’s kind of like the whole Missy thing in Doctor Who (which...hoo boy, that post is coming, make no mistake), where selfishness is directly opposed by making the ultimate sacrifice with no motivation for personal gain. And the fact that the last words he ever heard were “You’re a good man?” I cannot even begin to describe how much that makes me sob. But...honestly, I’m really tired of this idea that redemption has to end in death in order to be achieved or “complete.” I think it’s much more poignant to have a redeemed character live to help build a better world. Because what’s the point of telling people to be better if the “reward” is death? No one’s going to want to reform themselves if they think that’ll be the result.

I think the thing that Bugs Me™ the most is that Theon never really got to have a moment of peace when he was alive. Sansa gained the North’s love and at least had a secure childhood. Ned and Cat were happily married for years. Arya had parents who loved her and a good relationship with Jon. Jon fell in love with Ygritte and found his Night Watch Bros, and Robb (in show verse) had some very happy moments with Talisa. Davos put great stock in what he considered fulfilling friendships with Stannis and Shireen; Brienne was treated respectfully by Renly, Catelyn, and Sansa; Missandei and Grey Worm had each other and their friendship with Dany, who herself had many personal successes in her quest for the Iron Throne and saw the death of her abusive brother. Cersei even had moments with Jaime (who himself had several notable military victories and at least some time with Myrcella, as well as being gladly and deeply in love, however dysfunctional that love was), times when she successfully fought off enemies (including her dad), and some sweet moments with Tommen, as well as a huge victory via blown-up sept at the end of season 6. Theon was treated as a second-class family member by the Starks his whole life by being “traded” to them as a condition of war resolution AS A BABY, is immediately disparaged and mistreated by his immediate family when he tries to return to them, makes terrible decisions that almost cost him his conscience completely, is brutally tortured by Ramsay, is on the run with his sister from Euron almost immediately after, and has a PTSD attack that ultimatly results in him having to launch a rescue mission. And then he fights ice zombies. And then he dies. He never really...got to be happy at all? There was never any kind of “win” for him. Not even survival. The narrative couldn’t even give him that.

TLDR: Theon’s death seemed less shock-value-y than others (like, for example, Shireen or Missandei or, heck, Melisandre even), and it isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s narratively-informed and it makes sense as an emotional through-line, but, ultimately, Redemption Cemented By Selfless Death is a tired trope, and I honestly thought this story (which...you know...serves as a deconstruction of common fantasy tropes/book tropes in general) was better than that.

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

-So here’s where we get personal™ kids.

So, it’s no secret that I am...severely mentally ill. I’ve talked about expression/presentation of mental illness in regard to Cersei a lot on this blog, and how that (as paradoxical as it may seem) helped bring a sense of comfort and emotional resonance to me. Theon, post-Ramsay, has, I think, a very clear case of PTSD. Theon is one of the few characters I’ve seen where his mental illness isn’t the cause of the bad, violent, dangerous choices he makes. It only takes root after he has made the decision and conscious effort to better himself, and it, rather than demonizing him, serve to humanize him. His trauma didn’t define him. And although a PTSD attack led to him unintentionally losing Yara to Euron’s capture, he makes every effort to rescue her, a goal he does end up achieving. It is so rare I get to see a character who goes through these things, successfully fight them and come out with positive qualities at the end. Like...switching topics a bit here, Jaime going back to King’s Landing to (try to) escape and ultimately die with Cersei made sense to me because, as Jaime says, he is a hateful man. He never made much of an honest effort to be anything else. And he never truly wanted to be good; he just wanted to be liked. He wanted to adopt some personality that would make him feel less disconnected from the rest of the world. But Theon...genuinely feels remorse for everything he’s done. He makes a concerted effort to do everything in his power to improve the lives of people he believes are good and deserve to be safe. So, just...killing him off in a Completely Selfless Sacrifice (like...you know how a lot of mentally ill people put themselves through suffering-like OCD rituals, bottling feelings, self-harm, even suicide-in a misplaced attempt to “help” or “protect other people”) seemed antithetical to everything we saw of his arc.

Ultimately, with such a humanizing, empathetic portrayal of trauma and mental health struggles, seeing Theon be killed off just...pissed me off. I am so tired of seeing mentally ill characters die. I really want to believe that I can live through and thrive in spite of the things that afflict me, and I get example after example of characters not being allowed to do that. It feels awful, quite frankly. And it makes hope that much harder. 

I also just feel like...there was nothing the story gained from his death? I get the thematic parallels as mentioned earlier, but it didn’t really move the story forward in any significant way. It didn’t motivate other characters to do anything, it had no political ramifications, it didn’t serve to contribute to any kind of happy ending or commentary on society, it just...was sad. Again, I thought this story was better than that.

[mahizli]

Core Planets (Plo Koon & Obi-Wan Kenobi, 20 BBY)

Part 17 of ‘Sparks of Hope - A StarWars Advent Calendar’

***

Jedi Master Plo Koon knew himself well enough in the Force to acknowledge he had enjoyed blasting that horrid slave-facility to dust and pieces.

He had also been treading the Way long enough to release those feelings, focusing instead on recalling the unique sensation flying always gave him – joining the Force in a precise, sharp, daring way Skywalker was probably closest to understand.

It had all been such a terrible mess. The mission on Zygerria, and later on Kadavo had nearly cost everyone their lives – were it for little Ahsoka’s resources and Skywalker’s tenacity.  

The Togrutas from Kiros were all tended to, and Master Koon had assured himself that Ahsoka had not suffered from her captivity – he was not sure yet she had fully understood what she had risked, but was confident Master Ti would be able to coax more feelings out of her.

As it was, though, little Ahsoka seemed surprisingly fine, and had joined him promptly into meditation once she had finished talking to him. Master Koon had had no such luck with Skywalker – then again, the boy felt so stormy in the Force it was no wonder he had preferred releasing his feelings into smashing training droids to pieces.

Captain Rex and Obi-Wan had suffered most and were yet to be released from the medical bay – he was quite certain though that they would likely spend the night there. The Captain had looked close to collapsing once they had reached the cruiser, and Obi-Wan was feeling so small and quiet in the Force it almost felt like his dear young friend was gone.

And this was a feeling Plo did not like at all.

It reminded him too much of a small, six-year-old boy who had been so frightened and hurt by a cruel Jedi Master he had stopped talking for several days – long after Pong Krell had been sent far away in the Outer Rim.

Plo Koon had been younger then and was teaching the little Initiates Astronomy and Planet History. He was already on the Council, but was still honing his piloting skills, and the little ones had always asked eagerly about his trips to far away planets.

When Master Krell had seemingly confused teaching hand-to-hand-combat with strangling a defenceless Initiate, Plo had needed all his calm and deep friendship with Qui-Gon to prevent him from slicing one or two of Krell’s arms. Instead, he had persuaded his friend to take up Krell’s teachings, and had watched him and little Obi-Wan get closer in the Force.  

The boy, though, had stopped talking for days. Plo still remembered him all tiny and huddled in the Force, colouring maps and writing down Planet-names without a single noise.

“Who can tell me what the Core planets are? Which ones did you colour orange, Initiates?”, he still remembered asking.

And little Quinlan, who had been busy colouring the Outer Rim planets that simply interested him way more, had pointed at Obi-Wan.

“Obi-Wan knows them all”, the boy had announced, a front tooth missing in his smile as he beamed at Master Plo.

But Obi-Wan had stayed mute and motionless, small hands folded in his lap, eyes slowly filling with tears as silence had stretched in the class, Force-presence almost muted and shields drawn so tight he barely felt there.

Master Plo had asked the others instead, promptly filling the silence with eager answers, sending soothing waves towards the distraught little boy. He had sat down next to him, once the class had ended, and had watched fat tears making orange-coloured planets blur into shapeless dots on the flimsi.

“The Galaxy is a wide, endless place”, he had observed, projecting gentleness and care towards the small Initiate. “Yet sometimes it does not feel big enough to disappear.”

The little boy had looked up, tiny, freckled features peering up at him, making him wonder how someone could possibly think of hurting him.

“You do not need to disappear to be safe, Obi-Wan”, he had told the child in front of him. “And you do not need to shine to belong into that little world of ours. Do you know what would happen, should a Core-planet disappear brutally?”

The child had shaken his head and Master Plo had extended an arm, wrapping it around the narrow shoulders of the boy who would become his closest friend’s Padawan, and a friend himself.

“It would disturb the balance and gravity of every celestial body around. And what is the Temple, but a very small Galaxy, young one?”

“He… he said I would be sent away…”

The small voice had been hoarse and broken from disuse, and Plo Koon had felt the shivers running through his tiny frame.

“He said the Temple should be cleared from… late arrivals like me.”

More dots had met the flimsi, quietly, but Obi-Wan had not moved, small hands still curled in his lap.

“But I don’t know where to go.”

He had gathered the little one into his arms, then. Wrapping him into the folds of his robe, feeling tiny fists wrap themselves around the dark fabric, and a small face bury itself in his shoulder as the boy cried, quietly.

“You, little Obi-Wan, are exactly where you are supposed to be”, Plo Koon had told him quietly. “It is Pong Krell who does not belong here. And I will take you to the Map in the Archives now and show you just how far away we sent him, so that he will never harm anyone again.”

“But he is going to be angry.”

The voice had been almost inaudible, yet the fear in it had been clear.

“If he is truly a Jedi, he will let go of his anger. And if he does not – it is him, and not you, who should clear the Temple. Now breathe with me, little Obi-Wan, and try to let go of that huge fear.”

Those days of simple comfort had long passed, though. And Krell had returned, like a childhood nightmare, to sow death and destruction on Umbara – yet Obi-Wan had seemed to handle it as well as circumstances allowed.

Now, however… His friend had been too weak to talk much, starvation and injuries taking their toll on him. Obi-Wan had been able to fight back and maintain a semblance of a façade as long as Governor Roshti had been around – he had also been very anxious to assure himself of Ahsoka’s and Skywalker’s safety. But once in the medical bay, his friend had faded quickly.

And his Force-presence felt like nothing but a shadow.

Plo Koon entered the medical bay quietly, letting the doors glide close behind him, and knocked – entering the room where Rex and Obi-Wan were resting.

He found his young friend asleep, hands curled into fists close to his face like so long ago, shields still firmly up in the Force, preventing anyone from guessing his thoughts.  

Captain Rex, though, was awake, golden eyes meeting his in that stalwart, steady way of his.

“How do your wounds fare, Captain Rex?”, Plo asked, sitting down next to Obi-Wan’s bed, careful not to wake him.

“I’ve been better, General”, Rex answered, truthfully. “But it feels wonderful to be away from that place and to know that General Skywalker and Commander Tano are safe as well. Your rescue was… very daring.”

The ghost of a smile grazed the Captain’s thin cheeks, and Plo marvelled once more at his warm, steady signature. It made the absence of Obi-Wan’s in the Force only more striking.

“It got him hard, General.”, Rex spoke, softly. “He was injured before we came, and… they made sure to whip him every day. But what was worse – what was so much worse for him was to see others punished in his place. They recoiled from him, General. Because they were scared. Because they honestly believed, very quickly, that Jedi only make things worse.”

Rex sat up, leaning against the cushions, unashamed of showing his wounds – bearing them like the rest of his armour.

“He made me give them his rations. He kept away till very late in the night, trying to soothe them through the Force, even when they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with him. And in the end… in the end he just made himself as small as he could. He told me he was hiding in the Force – trying to make the slavers forget he was there, so that they would not remember to harm others in his place. So when that Keeper taunted him, mocking that very compassion he tried to break in him – I killed him.”

Plo nodded, silently, hand resting on the bed close to Obi-Wan’s, but not touching him. His friend was still hiding in the Force – had still to truly come back to them. To feel that disappearing had stopped becoming the better option.

“You know”, Rex said softly. “I did not realise. Not really. I thought the General and I were similar, because we both fight. But I was wrong. I was trained to survive and kill, General. I was bred for warfare. And General Kenobi… he was trained to protect. And console. He will only survive if he can protect others. Taking that away from him… it was as cruel as harming a child.”

“He is no child anymore, Captain”, Plo observed. “He is strong in the Force, even though he is hiding, right now. But Obi-Wan is a true Jedi.”

“I meant no such thing, General”, Rex whispered, golden eyes growing somewhat wide. “I do not think General Kenobi childlike or weak, it was not my point and I apologize if it came across that way. What I meant…”

Rex rubbed at his short, light hair, popping his neck, completely oblivious of the Bacta-smeared marks around his throat.

“He has something pure, General. Something… something that makes one feel very fragile inside, whenever he gets hurt, because it shouldn’t be. He was comforting the prisoners through the Force, late at night – and I was right next to him, I could feel it. But I could also hear some of his thoughts. And do you know what he was thinking, at the very end, when he made himself very small and stopped talking?”

The Captain’s eyes were burning with fierce and protective care, and Plo shook his head.

“He was telling himself stories. Stories his childhood friend General Vos invented. He was lulling himself to sleep with them, creating that small bubble where nothing could hurt him. And when he realised it was helping me relax, he shared them with me.”

They both stayed silent for a while, watching their friend sleep.

“He misses his vode, General.”, Rex finally said, voice soft. “He won’t tell you. He won’t tell anybody. But he needs them, right now – not just General Skywalker or Commander Tano. He needs you. General Windu. Master Yoda. And General Vos, Unduli and Fisto. He needs to see you are still one in that Force you all feel, or he will end up disappearing, thinking the world is a better place without him. And we can’t have that.”

“No, Captain”, Plo Koon answered, lowering his shields and wrapping comfort, love and care around Obi-Wan’s sleeping frame, and around that wonderful Clone Captain who had turned out to be more resilient than any Jedi.

“We cannot have that.”

[ultravioletsoul]

Can you rank your fave CoD antagonists?

Hello there nonny, sorry for taking so long to reply and thank you for your ask ♥♥

Rank my favorite CoD antagonists? Sure, I can do that! There are several antagonists in the series, but I’ll only rank my top 3. Hope that is okay with you c:

3. Jonathan Irons

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Advanced Warfare may not be a series as popular as BO or MW, but I actually enjoyed the game and I also liked Irons. Honestly, I don’t think we’ve gotten that many antagonists that started out as our allies in CoD (at least I don’t remember any others atm), much any less an American antagonist, so that kinda made him stand out to me.

I’m not familiar with Kevin Spacey’s works, and I barely watched any trailers pre-release. So to see Irons go from someone who I believed genuinely wanted to make the world a better place, where every human being could live in peace and thrive, away from the pointless wars that governments waged, to someone who was willing to use any means necessary to achieve his goals, regardless of how many lives he had to sacrifice... well, that was something that hit me hard.

This man who gave my character a second chance, who treated me (Mitchell) as his son, who cleaned up after the colossal mess that others countries made, helped people from devastated war-zones rebuild their lives and gave them hope for the future, turned out to be someone I was forced to betray because of different viewpoints and philosophies. Despite everything, I think Irons had his heart in the right place, but his methods were ultimately terrible and in his messianic delusions he ended up doing more harm than good, so of course he had to be stopped.

And what I liked about him was that he didn’t start out as a bad man, he didn’t do all those things because of greed, and his characterization wasn’t that of a cartoonish villain. In a way I could find logic in his arguments, he made a few good points about the current state of the world and the inability (or indifference) of many politicians to solve the real problems of the people. But the root of it all lies in the loss of his son, his only child, to a government he no longer trusted nor had any faith in doing what was right. Despite having served in the military in his youth, Irons had grown disillusioned at the way the US handled domestic and international policy, and strongly disagreed with them— opposing the status quo in favor of change. 

One could argue that serving in the military was entirely Will’s choice all along, and as a grown adult he knew what he was getting himself into. Still Irons couldn’t help but think that if that war had never happened, Will would still be alive. So that left him with a bitter taste, and it served as the catalyst behind his actions.

If nobody else would bother to do anything to actually solve the world’s problems, then he would be the savior to do it— whether they liked it or not. And he didn’t care what methods he had to use, how many had to die, or if he had to plunge the world into total chaos before he could ultimately end all wars and bring everlasting “peace” (perhaps one of the greatest ironies) as his dream seemed to be. Even at the cost of such a high price.

I don’t think Irons gets the credit he deserves.

2. Raúl Menéndez

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BO2 is one of my favorite games and Raúl is undoubtedly one of the most memorable antagonists in the series. Much like Irons, his actions were heavily motivated by the loss of a loved one but his life is also one sad story, so it’s no wonder he turned out the way he did. Not to justify him, but it’s not hard to understand what led him to do all those things.

From a very young age, his life was destroyed by the actions of Americans, from the horrors of the dictatorship in Nicaragua (in which the Contras were supported by the US); the crippling and disfigurement of his young sister Josefina, due to the greed of an American owner who burned down a warehouse in order to obtain 11,000$ through insurance fraud. After losing everything during an earthquake, and becoming homeless, Raúl and his father started over by selling drugs, successfully establishing a cartel that was so powerful in Nicaragua that they were equally feared and admired among the people.

But this status and power they had newly acquired concerned the US government, and it wasn't long before they sanctioned an assassination order on Raúl's father and sent the CIA in to kill him. Raúl observed it all, a teenager back then, and managed to escape thanks to his father's training. Though he could do nothing to stop it, nothing to save his father, this event marked him and further embittered him against the US and the West. And the last straw was the unfortunate death of Josefina, at the hands of Woods. He lost his sister, the only living relative he had, and his world fell apart. But if we think about it, Raúl was indirectly responsible for her death too, after the horrible torture he put Woods through in Angola. So the next time Woods saw Raúl he lost his mind and threw the grenade that tragically bounced into Josefina's bedroom and killed her.

So he spent all his life orchestrating a huge plan, a brilliant plan, that would shake the US from the very ground. And he was damn charismatic while executing it, earning the support and approval of billions of people all around the world— even from those who lived in US soil!— to begin a world revolution and end the dominance of capitalist nations that had subjugated other weaker countries, amassing huge riches through market economy and wars for resources, destroying lives and sinking many in poverty. And he also manipulates and pits two superpowers against each other... sending everyone to the brink of another world war, or a second cold war at best.

He wanted revenge on the US for playing with the lives of other people, for taking everything he loved away from him, by making them live in fear and destroying everything they had built. He wanted them to feel the same pain, to suffer the way he did. And he wouldn't rest until he achieved that because he had nothing to lose anymore.

Depending on the outcome, he can get revenge on Woods for Josefina, as well. And though we all like it when the "good" guys prevail and foil the plans of the villain, I think this particular ending had a much deeper and stronger emotional impact. The conversation they have at the end is something I didn't expect. Raúl has come to kill Woods but they're both in a place where the years have beaten them down with the weight of they’ve done and rather than an over the top scene, what we’re given is quite the opposite of that. 

There’s no screaming, no heated argument between them, no dramatic lines. It’s just two old men who had to live with what they’ve done, and who have come to terms with the inevitability of that moment. Raúl slits Woods’s artery with Josefina’s pendant, and then he does something that surprised me: he closes Frank’s eyes, takes him off the wheelchair and lies his body on the bed. Something that is a huge contrast with what he did to Hudson many years ago... the savagery he used when killing him. For Raúl to behave that way with Woods, the man he considered to be his sister’s killer, it raises the question as to whether he still hated Woods after all these years, or maybe deep down he finally acknowledges that his actions (namely torturing Woods and killing his whole team) was the true motive that led to Josefina’s death.

The thing is, Raúl knows that he's to blame for what happened. It's also the reason why he burns himself alive in front of Josefina's grave. It’s because he has to pay for what he's done to her, too, and he chose to do it in probably the most horrible way possible but it didn’t matter to him. Nothing was more painful than living with the knowledge that his sister died because of what he did.

To him Josefina was the true innocent soul, who didn't deserve any of the suffering she went through.

1. Vladimir Makarov

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It’s no secret that Vladimir is my most favorite antagonist (and character) in all of Call of Duty.

Though his background and motives weren’t as well developed and explained as those of other antagonists in the series, his untold story (which you won’t find anywhere in the game, though you can deduce if you have a basic idea of the situation before and after the fall of the Soviet Union) perhaps says a lot more about him than one might expect.

There’s not a lot we know about his past other than the meager information that was provided in some loading cutscenes, but it’s reasonable to think that Vladimir wasn’t always the trashbag that we see in the games. He once was a young man with dreams of patriotism, who wanted the best for his country, who loved Russia with his soul, and who would do anything to protect her, because as a soldier that was what he was taught to do. As a soldier, that was his purpose in life and without that reason to drive him on, he had nothing left.

And however vague his backstory may seem to be, it gives you an idea that Vladimir in a way was a victim of a system that imparted a type of soft indoctrination on him, from a very young age (as many states do all around the world in some form or another, even those who hold democratic values), all the way to his education in the military academy and his brutal training in the special forces, that further cemented this undying love for Russia, maybe in a way that bordered brainwashing.

His true radicalization came after the fall of the Soviet Union with the loss of his homeland and the Soviet culture as he knew it, as well as Russia becoming weak and losing much of her power and influence across the world. Then came his deployment in Chechnya in 1994, where he lived the horrors of a war that most likely left him psychologically scarred after the experiences he had to go through. And when he returned home, he was kicked out of the armed forces under accusations of human rights violations during the First Chechen War. And they may be true, he probably did a lot of bad things there (under the illusion that he was serving his country for a higher cause), and sadly it’s something commonplace in many armed conflicts. I’m going to leave this short post here for some details on that.

When he returned from war, he didn’t receive any professional help or if he did, it didn’t work. He didn’t know how to cope, he ultimately was unable to adapt to a normal life, he became a misfit. He had lost his job, he had a stain in his career, and finding a decent way to get by was very difficult at the time when the country was in the middle of a political, social, and economic crisis.

He was in financial ruin, and it was hunger that pushed him to become a criminal (something that wasn’t uncommon for ex military men in 90s Russia). Not just that but also hatred for those in power as well as society as a whole, and what they represented: total decadence and the reason why Russia was falling apart with these “stupid” western conceptions about freedom that in his eyes did nothing but give leeway for debauchery and corruption, which he ultimately sought to “fix” by returning Russia to what it used to be (a god-fearing empire under the autocratic rule of a tsar that was likened to a father to all his subjects, and where religion was used as a resource to legitimize his power and as a moral regulator that maintained the social order).

He pretty much felt abandoned, betrayed by his government— a leadership that had done nothing but sink Russia deeper and deeper into ruin, destroying the values under which he was raised and turning people like him into cynical masses that had lost faith in everything and were adrift without any real purpose in life, no future to look forward to, completely disillusioned that the dreams they’d bought into, the promises they had been sold by the west, were nothing but lies.

He’s still a piece of garbage, we know that, but I also think that he’s gone through a lot of struggles and bad experiences in his youth that marked him and filled him with resentment. Everyone sees Vladimir as the puppet master of the storyline of MW, and we have to give him credit for that, but deep down he’s just a man who has been a slave to his own obsessions and ambitions, unable to free himself from the hatred that has poisoned his mind for years, which led him to commit so many atrocities and strip himself from any semblance of humanity— all for the sake of a higher cause, as he undoubtedly tried to justify his actions at the end of the day.

In conclusion, all three were marked by losses in one way or another, and saw themselves as men who had to take the hard path and do what had to be done. And it’s also curious that Call of Duty, while not a game with any deep meaning on the surface, almost seems like social commentary on how war ruins lives and how anyone can do horrible things if put through the wringer enough times. It’s like these stories are trying to say that bad circumstances can make bad men out of seemingly good people, who wouldn’t have done any of the evil they did if maybe things had been different.

And I think that’s what makes these characters so interesting.

[chilling-seavey]

Amoureux (c.s./d.s.) - Epilogue

A/N This story has received even more amazing feedback than my other ones have and I feel so sad that it’s over but so happy that you guys loved it just as much as I did. Even you Team Christian people who yelled at me a little ;) Anyway, here’s the final chapter. Do you think Louisa really got her happily ever after she had been dreaming of? 

Jamestown, Virginia ~ January 18, 1822

Louisa carefully slid the knife over the skin of the potato in her hand, the scraps falling onto the wooden countertop as she worked by light of the early evening sun seeping through the window in front of her. When the potatoes were peeled, she chopped them up and slipped them into the pot of cooking stew that was hanging over the fire for their supper. She wiped her hands on her apron and pushed her tied back hair from her face with a sigh before tidying up the food scraps and glancing in their storage to check on their winter stock.

It was starting to get chilly, so Louisa bent down to tend to the fire in the kitchen, trying to warm up the single storey house. It wasn’t a huge place, definitely not what they were used to in England or France, but it was all they could afford for the price of the diamond engagement ring that they sold the second they set foot in the United States. At only sixteen, and coming from very privileged lifestyles, Daniel and Louisa were oblivious to the cost of the necessities of life, especially in a new country. They didn’t know that they got completely ripped off by the pawnshop owner who was willing to take advantage of the youthful runaway Brits who stumbled into his store, fresh off the ship. Regardless, they ended up with a bit of cash in their pockets and a (somewhat) sturdy roof over their heads and that was enough for them, having been married by the captain of the ship the first day at sea, ready to start their new life together.

Louisa barely sat herself down at the kitchen table before a soft cry came from the bedroom across the hall. She rushed over, making sure her hands were clean against her apron as she leaned over the small wooden crib in the corner to pick up the baby. He was born in August, just over a year since Louisa had first arrived at Kensington Palace although he was not born to any regal destiny. He was conceived during their first winter in America; the young couple nearly frozen to the bone in their drafty single storey and desperate for any warmth, he was carried almost full term by seventeen-year-old Louisa who had gone into labour a few weeks early due to her tendency to overwork around their small house, and he was delivered by candlelight to parents who had more love than money.

The five-month-old baby was a little cold to the touch and Louisa tucked the wool blanket around him as she picked him up and carried him to the kitchen so they could warm up by the fire, shushing his cries softy as she sat down. It was often that she found herself sitting alone, tending to the housework and the baby, Daniel busy with work or, rather, trying to find something better for them.

One thing that Louisa and Daniel had learned after moving to United States was that they were not liked very much. Still freshly independent from their ties to Britain, America didn’t enjoy having Brits around and Daniel’s accent was a dead giveaway, Louisa’s English also tied up in European taste, and from the start they were always treated poorly by their colonial counterparts. The only people who seemed to lend a hand were their neighbours, property owners on the land north of them and the husband took Daniel in to work at his blacksmiths shop for pennies. It was better than nothing and Daniel was grateful, but it was grueling work and he hated every second he was there.

Louisa glanced up at the sound of the front door creaking open and being shut and the boots being stomped clear of snow before Daniel was in the doorway to the kitchen, his hat in his soot covered hands. He sent a tired smile to his little family and trudged over to press a kiss to Louisa’s head and then to the baby’s.

“How was it?” Louisa asked softly as he pulled out a chair and sat with them at the table. Snow fell from his coat and he brushed it onto the floor as he pulled out the papers from his inside pocket.

“Nothing again.” Daniel sighed, tossing the stack of scribbled lines onto the table and leaned his elbow down to rest his chin in his hand tiredly.

“Did they say anything worth repeating?” Louisa set her hand on his thigh and he tucked his fingers around hers, still wearing his gloves that were dotted with holes.

“They said plenty. None really worth repeating.” Daniel sighed. “Laughed in my face, called me names like they all do, telling me how I won’t amount to anything…that I am a joke of a composer and I make their mare giving birth sound like angles singing.”

“That’s not true.” Louisa mumbled, giving his hand a squeeze.

“I was sitting at that piano and I couldn’t play.” Daniel breathed to the tabletop. “I haven’t practiced since England. It’s like all the pieces have vanished from my memory and I was so choppy and messy and I keep making an idiot of myself.”

“We can find you a place to practice. Maybe the librarian knows a building with an old piano where you could practice.”

“And be away from you two longer?” Daniel frowned sadly, reaching with his free hand to rub gently against the baby’s chubby cheek. “I can’t.”

“We need the money, Dani.” Louisa whispered. “Our food stocks are running low and the winter is barely over. We won’t make it at this rate, we need more money.”

“I know.” Daniel ran his hands over his face tiredly. “I’ve been working all I can, but David can only spare so much. He said he’s running himself thin too.”

“Someone’s going to want your music, I’m sure of it.” Louisa assured him, although her own words didn’t do much to even comfort herself.

She passed over the baby to Daniel who instantly smiled at his young son in his arms as Louisa moved to tend to the supper. The sun was setting quickly, meaning they were sitting in the near dark when she served the two bowls of watered-down stew, the light of the fire being their only illumination. Louisa hated eating the same tasteless soup every night, only being watered down more and more as their winter stock lessened. They ate in silence, the baby sat on Daniel’s lap and held against his chest by his gloved hand and tucked warmly in his open jacket, Louisa trying to hold in her own shivers of cold, the fire not doing much against the brutal winter wind that leaked through the thin walls.

“Have you heard back from your father?” Daniel asked softly, as if hesitant to ask.

Louisa shook her head, letting her spoon fall against the side of her empty bowl so she could run her hand tiredly over her forehead.

“I’m sure they’re alright.” It was Daniel’s turn for a failed attempt at reassurance, setting his hand on hers against the tabletop.

Louisa didn’t reply as she stood up to put their empty dishes on the counter and began to wash them to put away. Daniel sighed deeply from behind her and he looked down at the baby on his lap who was nibbling on the edge of his open jacket. He pulled it out of his son’s mouth and the baby smiled up at him with dimples that mirrored Christian’s own. Daniel figured it was fate punishing him for fleeing and stealing the future Queen with him; giving his son features of his brother so every time he looked at him he was reminded of his own guilt.

They never knew what happened to their families after jumping onto the ship bound for America, ties completely cut and bridges burned. Louisa always assumed the worst, knowing that France had probably fallen under English control when she fled and she couldn’t help but think of her family being sent to the guillotine for their daughter’s terrible behaviour in putting the future of the British Royal Family at risk. Christian wouldn’t let that happen though, would he?

Even Daniel didn’t know the capabilities his own brother, especially in the last few weeks before they fled, hardly recognising the young man who had threatened his life. They could only hope Christian’s love for Louisa would have spared her family, although there was no way to know for sure. It would forever be an unknown.

Daniel looked up at Louisa, watching her back as she scrubbed the dishes by the window in the rising moonlight. He picked up his sheet music with the hand that wasn’t holding the baby and scanned it over, eyeing the scribbled notes and trembling handwritten bars, stained in dried alcohol where the panel of men had thrown their drinks at him from crystal glasses. Similar crystal glasses that once fit in his own hand in gold trimmed ballrooms in expensive clothing, sitting next to Louisa in her diamond tiara and her rouge coloured cheeks, the light glinting off her ring on her left hand. Now he couldn’t afford to even put food on the table yet alone buy her a wedding ring.

“I wish I had more to offer you.”

Louisa turned around at his sudden statement, dishes drying on the counter and she wiped her damp hands on her apron, before bending down to stifle the fire, “Why do you say that?”

“You were set for a life of riches and royalty and status and now…now we can’t even afford to keep the fire on through the night. You have nothing with me.” Daniel mumbled.

Louisa sighed and stood up as they were engulfed in darkness and cold as the fire died out, and she walked around him to wrap her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his, “I have you. And our boy. That’s all that matters.”

Daniel nodded weakly, sending her a small smile before she kissed him once, her lips cold from the winter weather. “I love you.”

Louisa kissed his cheek, tightening her arms around his shoulders as she stared out the window in the snow coated countryside, swallowing back her tears for another uncountable time, “I love you too.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph, me again, I'm on a bit of a streak here: I just spent until midday in bed with such a brilliant Johnlock ghoststory, I simply had to share it and ask for more. So, the story, giant rec: The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria on AO3. (can't include link in an ask, ugh) And then the question: please please please give me more Johnlock haunted house case fics or the like. Ghost cases. Gah. October has me in its paws.

@miss-marvel95​ said to inevitably-johnlocked: Halloween fics? :D

HI GUYS!! 

Hope it’s okay I put both of your fic reqs together since they’re both for a theme of Halloween, LOL!! 

Thought it would be a good time to update all my Halloween-y fics and all the ones I have MFL’d over the past couple years. Note that I am posting JUST Ghost fics or fics labelled Halloween! PLEASE check out the masterpost I made last year to a HUGE list of supernatural-type fics, so there will be some Vampires, werewolves, creepy fics, etc. on that list for you @dreamingbrownie if you want more than just “Halloween” fics, LOL! 

I hope you guys enjoy this list, and PLEASE add your own Halloween fics!!!!!!

GHOSTS & HALLOWEEN

See also: 

MASTERPOST: Halloween Fics (October 2018)

Ghosts / Figments

Dies After the Fall and Becomes a Ghost

By the Graveside by CraftyLion (K, 1,505 w., 1 Ch. ||  Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Death) – But what if Sherlock never really survived The Fall? What if the Sherlock in the graveyard was merely a spirit, forlornly watching his friend from the Other Realm?

33 by Indigo Blue.x (K+, 2,936 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – "I haven't made a zombie," Sherlock says scathingly, which would be more convincing if there were not a zombie in the flat.

Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E,  3,834 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple's costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn't agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Electric Potential by pygmymeese (T, 5,011 w., 1 Ch. || Supernatural) – It's not clear why everyone in the world suddenly gets a ghost only they can interact with. All John Watson knows is that he's stuck with a brilliant, if smug, ex-consulting detective, and that life is definitely looking up.

London's Ghost by JustlikeWater (K+, 5,642 w., 1 Ch. || Tragedy, H/C, Angst, Post-TRF AU, Sherlock POV) – "Today, it's been weeks since Sherlock died. Other times, years. He doesn't know for sure, though. Time passes differently for the dead"

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

To See You Again by Arisprite (T, 11,255 w., 1 Ch. || Suspense, H/C, Supernatural) – When John wakes to a world where no one can see or hear him, it takes everything he has, including the upheaval of past mistakes to find out what happened in time to save his own life. No slash.

The Red Dianthus by kinklock (T, 11,382 w., 3 Ch. || Supernatural Elements, BAMF!John, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Romance, Halloween, Dev. Rel., Case Fic) – The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.

Fear Itself by KCS (K+, 12,289 w., 3 Ch. || Suspense, Friendship) – John is accustomed to being kidnapped by now, but he never expected a criminal to adopt Mycroft's method of doing so, to ensure he comes along without a fight.

Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T, 14,750 w., 6 Ch. || First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Halloween) – It probably wasn't the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway.

I Think I’ve Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

MARKED FOR LATER:

A Spirited Companion by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel (T, 3,124 w. || ASiP AU, Ghosts, Crack) – In which John is a ghost haunting the skull on Sherlock’s mantlepiece.

In a manner of speaking I’m dead by fellshish (T, 6,372 w., 1 Ch. || Halloween, Mystrade, Angst With Happy Ending, PIning, First Kiss, Drunk Idiots, Drinking Games, Humour) – Sherlock and John accidentally dress in matching outfits for Lestrade’s Halloween party. Things only get worse: someone pushes them to play ‘Never have I ever’.

Let’s Say I Let You In by kedgeree (E, 9,972 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Halloween, Costume Kink, Est. Rel., Humour, Smut, Vampire Sherlock, Bloodplay, Biting, Romance) – It’s Halloween and Sherlock’s vampire costume is turning John on, but Sherlock doesn’t quite get the idea of a sexy vampire. At least…not at first. Part 4 of the Holidays series

Hallowe'en Homecoming by earlybloomingparentheses (T, 12,594 w., 1 Ch. || Unconventional Relationship, Halloween, Sherlock’s Childhood, Family Videos) – Sherlock and John are solving a case when Mycroft turns up and persuades Sherlock to return home for his mother’s Hallowe'en celebration. John thinks that seeing where Sherlock grew up will help him understand the detective better; instead, he finds himself more confused than ever. But it’s John Watson’s job to look after Sherlock Holmes, come hell, high water, or Hallowe'en, so that’s just what he’s going to do.

Balance by Laur (E, 13,939 w. || First Time, Alternate Universes, ASiP AU, Soulmates, Ghost Sex, Supernatural Elements) –  Each stuck in a universe where the other does not exist, a distortion of space allows Sherlock and John to meet each other through touch alone.

The Halloween Party by XistentialAngst (M, 19,044 w., 3 Ch. || Halloween, Sexy Sherlock, Vampires, Costumes/Disguises, Mutual Masturbation, BAMF John, First Time, Humour, Romance, Frottage, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John attend a Halloween party on the trail of a vampire killer – a man who’s been seducing his victims and taking all their blood. Sexy costumes, bad puns, hideous danger, frantic sex in hidden places and some Halloween-flavored fluff are all on hand to “treat” you. Boo.

A Spirit In 221B by bbcatemysoul (T, 19,359 w., 8 Ch. || Ghost Sherlock, Past Drug Use / Overdose, Humour, First Meetings, Paranormal, Fluff, Pre-Slash) – John rents a flat, only to find that it’s already occupied by the ghost of a previous tenant. Part 1 of the A Spirit In 221B series

The Haunting of Sherlock Holmes by MapleleafCameo (E, 25,333 w., 9 Ch. || Ghosts, First Kiss / Time, Supernatural Elements, Mysterious Disappearance, Ghost Sex, Hauntings) – Forced by his interfering git of a brother to the countryside to recuperate, Sherlock stumbles upon a 60 year old mystery. Captain John Watson, returning after WWII mysteriously disappeared one night. Bored, Sherlock investigates, but what if Watson didn’t disappear? What if he’s still there? Sort of a ghost story. Eventual Johnlock

The Afterlife of Doctor John H. Watson by flawedamythyst (G, 31,103 w., 1 Ch. || Ghost!Watson, ACD Canon) – An account of Doctor Watson’s actions in the years following his death.

The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria (T, 47,679 w., 11 Ch. || Post-TRF, Angst, Fluff, Sussex Downs, Ghosts) – Ten years after meeting Sherlock Holmes, John Watson has successfully kept only one secret from the world’s only consulting detective: the most important secret he’s ever had.Now, drawn into an impossible web of murders at Latham Hall, John learns the terrible price a man must pay for keeping certain things secret.

FictoberLock 2018 by FinAmour & unicornpoe (M, 60,875 w., 31 Ch. || Halloween, Protective John, Smitten Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Injured Sherlock, Various Prompts) – 31 different prompts, 31 Johnlock fics: one every day for the month of October! Each chapter is a stand-alone story. Some are written by unicornpoe, some by FinAmour, and some are written by us both! They range in length from ~500 words to ~3500 words, and there’s something in here for everyone.

Skeletons by flawedamythyst (T, 174,262 w. across 3 works || Implied Character Death) – Sherlock’s refusal to talk about his past hides far more skeletons than John could ever have guessed at. Halloween-esque AU.

[lupusrcx]

&&. cauldron above, ( cassian blackthorn ) was just spotted in the fae lands — word has it ( he ) is affiliated with ( the winter court  / the wild hunt ). ( he ) is a ( 225 / appears 35 ) year old ( wild hunt fae ). it’s been said that ( he ) resembles ( aldis hodge ). ( he ) has been said to be ( protective & loyal ) but also quite ( possessive & distrustful ). ( he ) is currently serving as ( tatiana valentina’s personal bodyguard / an undercover spy for the wild hunt ).

Name: Cassian Blackthorn

Age: 35 / 225

DOB: August 14th

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Positive personality traits: intelligent, brave, loyal, protective, powerful, adaptable

Negative personality traits: sarcastic, challenging, steely, arrogant, possessive

Biography: 

At the heart of it all, Cassian has always been a family man. As the eldest Blackthorn sibling, he took upon the solemn duty of protecting both his younger brother and baby sister the moment they entered the world, there was never any question of his love for either them or his parents. As a whole, the Blackthorns represented a strong, stable family unit, bound together by their Wild Hunt blood and the infallible loyalty that they shared. Carina, the youngest and only daughter of the Blackthorn clan, was very much so the princess of the bunch, between Cassian and Carter she was loved and doted upon endlessly. Even as Cassian went further with his training as a skilled huntsman and warrior, he always made time for Carina, and could often be found sparring with his brother as well---their own form of bonding. It was, of course, Carina’s tragic death---her murder---that brought their unbreakable family dynamic to a sudden halt.

Carina’s passing cast a dark shadow over Cassian’s heart. Where he’d once been the confident, powerful eldest son of the Wild Hunt, he was jaded by his sister’s death, and with his grief came a deep surge of great and terrible anger. Everything changed for him then. The woman he’d been meant to marry---his childhood sweetheart---did her best to stay by his side and support him, but it was Cassian who drove her away. She deserved better, more than the bitter, angry shell of a man he’d become, and so immense was his period of mourning that he hardly registered it when he awoke to find her things packed and the side of the bed she’d shared with him empty and bereft. 

He grew older. Stronger. Perhaps more vicious too, the Blackthorn family had always been known for their fair judgement and compassionate nature but it had become so easy for Cassian to lean into his wolf side in an effort to keep his human emotions at bay that sometimes, he felt more like a beast than a man. He rose up in the ranks of the Wild Hunt, training non-stop and with an almost crazed amount of fervor, and when Lucien, the Wolf King, approached both him and Carter with an unheard of proposition ... well. 

There was no refusing it. This was the singular opportunity that Cassian had to avenge the murder of his sister, spying on the Winter Court would bring him one step closer to finally making good on his promise to Carina. He worried of course, about Carter being placed in a similar situation, potentially one of danger, and made a secondary promise then and there. To protect his younger brother no matter the cost.

Except ... nothing happened the way that he had expected to, accepting a bodyguard position for the toddler princess of the Winter Court had seemed like child’s play, but while Cassian had been preparing himself for a spoiled brat of an heiress whom he’d have to resist smothering on a regular basis, he was instead greeted by a porcelain angel, with beautiful, bouncing blonde curls of glimmering gold. He took one look at Tatiana Valentina’s cherubic little face, her big blue eyes that shone brighter than any snowflake, and he felt something age-old click into place.

Now, he’s been by Tatiana’s side for the last sixty years, and her powers are just as unstable as they were the first time she ever figured out how to wield them. It’s something that worries Cassian and Viktor both, and while he still makes his regular reports to Lucien on behalf of his mission, there’s no denying the impossibly strong bond that he’s forged with the young tsarina. Guilt, hot and heavy, eats away at him more and more with each day that goes by, who is he betraying now? Carina, by failing to avenge her death? Or would he be doing her a disservice instead by abandoning Tatiana, who shares so many similarities with his dearly departed sister?

Cassian, at the end of the day, is a man of the Hunt. Even when he isn’t shifted into his huge, dark brown wolf form, he still carries himself like a predator, a huntsman who knows what he wants and how to get it. While he might appear laid back and calm on the surface, there’s a steady fire brewing within, and it comes out whenever those he cares about are threatened with harm or danger. Just like a wolf, he imprints on the people he loves, and with that comes a brutally-strong pack mindset that he firmly believes in.

Cassian disagrees furiously with the decision to marry Tatiana off to the Spring Court, as much as he respects and admires---and cares for---Viktor, he can’t help but feel as if the High Lord has traded his baby sister away as if she’s little more than a rare jewel. 

He hasn’t seen his childhood sweetheart since the night she left, but he still thinks of her almost every single day, and he hopes that she’s happy. Since then, he hasn’t taken another mate---instead he’s focused on his mission as an undercover spy in the Winter Court, as well as his sworn duty to both protect Tatiana and watch over Carter. He’s a man, though, and a man with needs, and has spent more than his fair amount of time in The Orchard. The song sang between Nymphs and the Wild Hunt is as old as time after all, and who can blame him for indulging in the animalistic wants of his pack?

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Death’s Gambit

EDIT: This was written prior to the extensive update that came out Sept 2021. I am informed that the update addressed a few of the things I complain about here- the review below remains unaltered.

-

I understand the “it’s like Dark Souls” comparisons are played out at this point, but if ever such a comparison was appropriate it’s now; having never played a Souls-like myself I can’t be certain but I’m led to believe Death’s Gambit is Dark Souls in all but name. Same brutally grim aesthetic, same brutally hopeless mood, same brutally vicious difficulty.

This is a game that’s so hard, the very first thing you do is die. Off screen! But Death is a wily one, and he offers a deal; do him a couple of favours, and you can wander the earth as a rockin’ cool zombie. All he needs is for us to kill a few immortal demi-gods. Seems fair!

Here’s the part of the review where I invite all of those people who like to yell at strangers on the internet that, ‘ackshually, Dark Souls isn’t hard at all, you just need to get good,’ to hit ctrl-W on their keyboards right now. It turns your comments into super-comments so people can’t delete them.

Alright, now that those people are out of here- this game is hard. Not even enjoyable hard. I love a challenge; I’m a die-hard fan of Touhou, Ikaruga is a huge part of my online identity, and I’ve completed Super Hexagon 100%. No, this is a different kind of hard; this is a game that is as anti-player as any I’ve seen outside of Kaizo Mario romhacks.

Basic mob enemies take a third of my healh away if I so much as catch an askance glare from one. Hidden spike traps take me down to a single hit remaining. There’s no I-frames and if you get caught in an attack that hits multiple times, it’s back to the last Death Statue you go, with an admonishment from the big guy himself.

The real problem for me is the Stamina gauge. Everything from jumping to swinging your weapon consumes stamina, and does so at an alarming rate. I guess being dead gives you stiff knees or something, because after only a few actions you’ll be left unable to do anything except waddle around ineffectually. As a result, boss fights become gruelling slogs with such precise management of resources as to be a total chore. In every other game on the planet, a perfectly-timed dodge-roll through an attack is rewarded with an opening to counter-attack- it’s one of the rules of the universe. But here, you barely have enough stamina to get one attack in if you still want to be able to dodge-roll back out- and not doing so is usually a game over. It’s oppressive, and levelling up barely mitigates the problem at all, with only one stat increasing Stamina and only by a meagre 2 points at a time (by comparison, a dodgeroll costs 25, and an attack costs 20. It’s absurd.)

Fin or Bin:

But!!! But. Look at it. The pixel art is spectacular, bringing to mind recent BBLC title Momodora. It’s grim, yes, but an awful amount of love has gone into this terrible world and it’s terrible inhabitants. And despite my misgivings, the game does control very well, with responsive attack combos and sprightly movement. Yes, it may desperately hate its players, but I’m not ready to give up quite yet. I might introduce it to my old friend Cheat Engine and see if we can’t curb its anti-social behaviour somewhat. If that doesn’t help, then I’ll probably be Finished with it quite early and with my tail between my legs. Gameplay stream here!

(Steam)

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