#astarion and his trauma

[gwen-writes]

Chapter 12 Excerpt

“Oh, is that right?” Astarion’s typical smirk was shrouded by maroon lips. “You and Simon had little fights? How adorable.”

Fiora scowled, “I bet I could land one or two punches on you. Even a good kick. Your dick makes you vulnerable - easy target.”

Astarion looked at her with taunting eyes - condescending, but amused, like watching a child.

“Your pretty head would already be on the floor before you’ve even had the impulse to swing, love,” He coaxed.

excerpt from my modern AU/classic dnd quest OCxAstarion fic called A Vampire in New England!

desc: Gale was meant to send Astarion to the Limbo dimension, a place where chaos and high powered entities thrived, to find a caster of Wish. Instead, whether it be from Gale's ego, idiocy, or coincidence, he sent Astarion tumbling into the dorm of a New England college.

word count: ~45,000

(some of the) tags: modern era, slow burn, strangers to lovers, friends to lovers, plot, fluff, fluff and humor, romantic comedy, third person narrator

[oonalovesastarionssimpleplan]

Ascended Astarion has his own way of perpetuating the rules - as he knows it -by performing.

*But Astarion is not like Cazador, he will not continue the cycle of abuse*

[museofvoid]

i can't read posts defending ascended astarion because they make me so angry so i need to rant. and no it's not because i'm a "hater". i love astarion! and while i do prefer spawn astarion, that doesn't mean i don't enjoy ascended astarion as well!

yes if romanced he still loves tav, but he does so in an unhealthy and obsessive way. he literally forces tav to become his vampire spawn (just because he calls them his "consort" doesn't change that) if they want to keep their relationship with him. he doesn't even give them time to think, they have to decide right now. and if they say no, he gets mad.

and if tav asks about becoming a true vampire astarion will avoid the subject and say something about them needing time to adjust. he's afraid of tav leaving leaving him and so he needs control over them. if tav questions him about their relationship before making a choice he'll even say, out loud, that he views sex as a means of control. right before he plans to have to sex with you.

i've talked about this before but the line - He will see you as degrading yourself if you continue to be with him. But perhaps you wish to degrade yourself. And he knows it. - that you get if you read his thoughts later, literally confirms his motives. Tav will always be in a position below him, they will never be equals. But to him, if Tav still says yes, that means they consent to that. (and maybe they do, who am i to judge! my first durge certainly liked that idea)

astarion is bad at relationships, understandably. he doesn't know how to do romance proper, all he knows is practiced lines and physical touches. but if he loves you he'll want to get better at it! spawn astarion knows that a relationship with him takes a lot of work, both from his partner and himself, and he's willing to put in that work, but also understands if it's too much for you. meanwhile ascended astarion completely skips that step and takes the relationship he wants by force.

i've kinda lost the thread of where i was going with this, but the first time i ascended romanced astarion he made me deeply uncomfortable. and that's the point. now as i said, i still enjoy him, while also recognising that he is fucked up and abusive. the main difference between his ascended and spawn endings is that aa doesn't work through his trauma, he sweeps it under a rug of power and influence, and that will show in a relationship with him. and that's not a bad thing from a story perspective! it's very good and well done actually! i like it!

anyway i like ascended astarion and you're also allowed to like ascended astarion for whatever reason but please at least recognise the red flags

[veillsar]

WAIT WAIT HANG ON-

Hang. the fuck. on.

Look at this.

Don't mind the poor quality, I literally took a photo of my laptop screen with my phone cuz I needed to post this right now.

This is our camp in Balder's Gate Lower city, do you see what I'm seeing?

They have drying laundry hanging above them.

On Gale's side, look up toward the right corner - we see colorful laundry hanging there to dry, probably some carpet or blankets, those are almost definitely Gale's judging from the aesthetic. Normal, fun detail.

On Astarion's side, there's also things hanging out to dry, except they are rags. Colorless, dirty, disgusting pieces of cloth that might as well have been sitting in a trashpile. They have holes in them, have been torn, damaged beyond a normal person's tolerance for fabric - but Astarion keeps them and washes them like normal laundry....because those rags were probably similar to what he had used for the last 200 years, so he doesn't know any better. What the fuck?

You can't....you can't just silently put details like this, waiting for someone like me to notice it and have my heart shattered all over the floor. I will cry.

FYI, I do know about the visual comparison between the outside of his tent and the inside, it just adds to the sadness I feel for this man even more. Again, Cazador, when I find you, you'll be a dead man walking I swear to the gods-

[loversandantiheroes]

Listen, I am an extremely sex positive person and there is little I like more than a good old fashioned "idiots fuck around and fall in love" smut fic, but I feel like there just isn't enough exploration of Astarion falling in love through feeding on Tav. Like, seriously, the man has been subsisting on rats and insects for two hundred years, and the first person he ever feeds on just...lets him do it? Willingly? I mean it's not exactly a surprise that Tav has to practically throw him off to get him to stop - it's not just that their blood is the best meal he's ever had, but he's never bitten anything with the intent to let it live before.

And then it has to go off the rails so fast for him if Tav lets him do it again. This man who has had everything stripped from him for so long now having this person who's willing to actually give him part of themselves to keep him fed and happy. Like, he outright tells you this is a gift you're giving him, one he surely did not expect to ever receive again, but now he's watching them stagger off to the healers in the morning for a lesser restoration before they even bother to stop at the fire for a cup of coffee, and all he can do is marvel at the sheer novelty of the situation, because to examine it closer, to really think about someone being selfless enough to give him what he needs for no other reason than that he needs it might send him into a spiral of paranoia.

And then for that to become habit. Coming to their bedroll as quietly as he can, learning to gentle his bite to something less feral, something more easily controlled. It's slower this way, careful and measured to make sure they don't wake, and he's sinking a little more into that embrace every night.

[leopardmuffinxo]

you make me feel things I didn’t believe in anymore

[lesfir]

I'm every time someone calls Lord Astarion a “cardboard villain” (+ parodying Cazador), briefly - in this nasty way:

Fr since when has he not been an evil trickster who says evil trickster shit.

Uh, no, back off.

It's an FreakStarion. When Astarion does the cringe, pompous it's pleasurable and sexy because in slavery he wasn't allowed to do it, he had to be an invisible shadow, small worm - now he's free. In both cases and it's sad for those who don't see it in Lord Astarion aka Astarion with power.

The man is talking about gold goblets and virgins.

In Act 3, sunshine.

A bed of dead bodies (he says totally chillin, almost laughing at that) I mean Stephen Rooney loved ‘What We Do in the Shadows.’ Vlad dusted the floor with a corpse.

brilliant

I'm sure he has the same attitude towards children as Lae or Minthara. They can be fun, interesting like Arabella. But if someone dies, he won't care long because someone was weak.

A child has lost his mum and is asking for help

The man is grieve about his father's death. Astarion: Well, it's a sacrifice, especially since you're going to be a Duke - cool.

You know, he likes drow armour, armies. So he likes something dark and cool. Flowers are bright, he doesn't mind, because he says he likes the luxury, brightness and the colours - but most importantly they don't have much practical use. Poison can't be made :<

Everything can be turned in the direction of nastiness. You know who else liked to watch people fight to the death? Cazador. Monsieur Calvin J. Candie.

If you look at the approvals you will see an even paler Astarioniс wtf :D

+2 +5 - it's rare. Usually everyone's +1.

[wellthebardsdead]

Halsin: My precious star. How old were you when you were taken from the light?

Astarion: ugh don’t be so poetic about it dear, I was 40 if you must know.

Halsin: *brain short circuiting knowing as an elf himself they don’t fully mature until they reach 100 in age* … *tenderly hugs him close and strokes his hair* So I’m going to introduce you to this thing called, therapy-

[gwen-writes]

okay my personal headcanon with astarion is that he’s not stupid at all. first of all, in game he has 13 intelligence, which offers a +1 perk to all dice rolls - meaning that he IS smart!

but even beyond that, i couldn’t fathom a magistrate being stupid in the first place. many people have different interpretations of who astarion was before he was turned (and honestly, i love all of them) but regardless of your own personal belief, i doubt him being truly unintelligent would be part of his character.

i would argue that from his trauma alone, astarion could also develop immense emotional intelligence, post-game especially. with the right tools and proper encouragement, he could develop deep empathy and self awareness. this kind of growth would take decades, i’m sure, but our little vampire elf has all the time in the world! even in the main line plot, many people have pointed out how slowly, astarion will begin to approve of “good” actions in act 3. the first thing for me, that i noticed, is when he *act 3 spoiler*

insists you save yenna (the young girl) from orin and kill gortash.

he plays it off as though he doesn’t truly care, but clearly he’s motivated in a particular way.

second of all, he can be very impulsive, but a lack of planning doesn’t mean someone is flat out stupid. instead, i think his rash decision making is caused by the fight or flight mentality he has been subjected to for 200 years.

in terms of social intelligence, he’s very capable of perceiving what someone may want and saying the right thing to manipulate them (not necessarily a good trait, but this understanding of cues and psyche could point to intellect). he is a victim of severe abuse, so of course he struggles with intimacy, genuine connection, even friendship - as we see in the main plot line of baldur’s gate.

and yet, despite all of this, he’s actually a great communicator. he identifies his struggle with other’s sexual perception of him, his lust for power, his hatred for cazador and processing his torture. he says outright that he doesn’t know what you’re really doing romantically because he’s never experienced it, but that he enjoys it and wants you around.

also - humor! vocabulary! i don’t think an idiot could make me laugh with witty lines the way astarion does! needless to say, i just find it crazy that people genuinely consider him stupid!!!

[vole-mon-amour]

is it just me or the way Wyll blushes and hides the pic of Mizora in that xbox ad doesn't sit well with you as well?

so Mizora traps him in a contract, owns him via contract, can boss him around, yank his invisible leash, and, if he disobeyed or if she dies, he either dies as well or immediately goes to hell for an eternity. I'm a way, he's her slave. as far as he knows, he can get out out of the contract by sacrificing himself (or he can sacrifice himself to save his dad).

sure, you can go behind Mizora's back and save Ravengard, buy we'll go with Wyll Doesn't Know That for the sake of my point.

and canonically Wyll dislikes Mizora and her company. he wants to get rid of her. he hates that she turns him into a devil. he hates how he looks. he hates everything about that.

and what Larian say in that xbox ad? oh, Wyll actually blushes and keeps the implied sexy pic of Mizora and it's implied that he has a crush on her/would have sex with her.

AND Karlach, who was also a slave with no means to get out, who was sold to slavery by a person she trusted and protected, elbows Wyll and goes, "what, you don't want it?" Karlach who KNOWS how it feels and who wants to kill Gortash for what he did to her, and Mizora is Wyll's Gortash in a way.

so first we have Halsin being a sex slave for three entire years and he feared for his life every single day. yet, that info is hidden very deeply and is easily misseable, and its written in the manner of him victim blaming himself with "i was a young druid" and he chuckles as he says that and it's presented in a way way as if he had fun? as if he was there willingly? as if it's all a big joke and not a big deal?

like, i know it's a big topic, but why is only Astarion's trauma taken seriously? why is Astarion's story written and loudly told in a way that we know that Cazador tortured him in every way, including rape, and not once it's treated like a joke? but when it comes to other's slavery, abuse, and trauma, it's suddenly treated like a joke?

Halsin's story is generally badly written/portrayed & he deserves way better, and maybe I'm reaching with this because neither Shadowheart's or Gale's stories show their captors as something good (still not as detailed as Astarion's though), but somehow that slips/gets dismissed when it comes to others.

I think Larian should stop with memes and hehe haha teeheee and be serious when it comes to others' trauma, not just Astarion's.

[mercymaker]

do you think that considering astarion is a walking corpse, a vampire spawn destined to live in the shadows (even if he finds a way around the sunlight sensitivity), someone with insatiable hunger for blood and two centuries of brutal trauma, someone whose place in the society according to most norms is to be skewered by a monster hunter... is there a part of him, somewhere deep down that craves normalcy? i don't think that's his stance on this on most days, as he strikes me as someone who doesn't particularly mind being a vampire and tends to deal with whatever uncomfortable and painful thoughts he has by deflecting and repressing that shit, telling himself he's above it. voicing out loud how utterly dull his life would be if he was still just a high elf, a magistrate in the city, with some pretty husband or wife, a marriage likely arranged to advance his status. scoffing at the idea of a house full of children, little elflings with silver hair. and, ah, he would be mortal. but..

i can't help but wonder if he'd have moments where he'd find himself thinking about it. thinking about the life he lost. about astarion without the scars on his back. the one who enjoys bouillabaisse and a variety of expensive wines instead of blood in whatever form he can get. the man that has a home, a place to return to, a comfy bed, and above all.. astarion who has a family. who would be distraught if something happened to him. who would go out of their way to find him... where was his family when cazador took him? was he truly so utterly alone even before??

and that would sever the thread of his thought, pain and anger replacing it like a hot wave. he was stupid to even think about it. of course, he's better off now, as a vampire spawn, an immortal. he doesn't have whatever responsibilities that would weigh the pretty, breathing magistrate astarion down. he's better off drenched in blood, out on numerous adventures than whatever boring affair a simple life in the city would give him... of course!!

[bigrhet]

Frankly I think that if we get a DA after TV, and Illario ends up being the crow companion, that would be be a really good way for BioWare to worm their way out of the Crow sanitation hole they wrote themselves into. Lucanis talks good about the Crows? Yeah of course he was Grandma’s favorite, Gods little prince. He says his training was torture, and he has panic attacks, but frankly I can definitely see a ‘his training was actually softer, to the point where his empathy and care for others made it out unscathed’. Which is not the case for an assassin who probably went through the actual Crow training, like it seems Illario “Lesser” Dellamorte did. Or potentially even more rigorous Crow training, since Illario always seemed set up for failure.

Lucanis is more willing to risk failure for others as we see in the Wigmaker job, and Illario is the one concerned out this. Lucanis isn’t, probably because subconsciously, he knows the consequences for him failing would be minimal or null.

Just take it as a “if Lucanis had to kneel on gravel for hours, I had to kneel for days” type take on Illario. Just say Lucanis kind of got the softer stick, everyone we see did, honestly. I think it would be a notable if not acceptable re-retcon.

He definitely wouldn’t hold back telling the truth and shit talking grandma as even though he is technically ’crow nobility’, unlike the others (even Rook bc Viago is not hurting their ass let’s be real), he was never treated that way. Illario is so oddly at the bottom and top of the social ladder that if he’s written in as a returning Cullen-type character, they could prob go ‘yeah Lucanis was given the privilege of rose-tinted glasses kind of, and was able to make it out with his humanity intact because of his Grandma’s weakness toward him, Illario wasn’t given that minuscule affection so he didn’t’ and then go from there.

[mossy-rossy]

Tav as a Fenhawke love child has the potential for some hilarious (and heartbreaking) scenarios.

[astarionposting]

interesting... ascended astarion likes it more if you just let him bite you.

[podcastenthusiast]

Sure it's all fun and games Tav telling Astarion to "say please" and calling him a good boy before having sex, but he'd have a mini panic attack if Tav explained safewords and like actually gave a shit about his wellbeing in bed.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

When I said I was dragging Astarion kicking and screaming into acknowledging feelings, even I didn’t know what an utter bitch he’d be about it. The man is not having it.