#assuming that it’s not at a point in time where sadeas will have already gone through menopause

[isdalinarhot]

sometimes I’m having the kind of night that I feel gratitude for my current mental state and my thought process goes “i ❤️ drinking” → “god what a toxic anti recovery thought SHUT UP you stupid alcoholic” → “not MY fault im having a good dopamine day. Nyeeeeeh [sticks my tongue out to be childishly taunting and not to be cute]” and really there’s gotta be a better way. In unrelated news i think Dalinar needs to fuck Sadeas raw in a wind and truth vision or else Roshar will explode

[emjenenla]

I’m safe inside the light, so go on do your worst Part Two [A Stormlight Archive Fanfic]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Elhokar was a failure at everything he’d ever done. He’d failed as a son, as a warrior and as a king. He saw no reason to fail as a Knight Radiant too. Or the one where Elhokar swears to the first Ideal at the end of WoK.

Warnings: Domestic Violence, Self-Esteem Issues

You know how I said this was going to be three parts? Yeah, I lied. At least this new four-part plan gives you more story to chew on while I inevitably get writer's block trying to deal with the failed get-Sadeas-to-duel-Adolin scheme which is my least favorite part of WoR for reasons that have nothing to do with Elhokar.

Also, I am planning to change the title of this work once I come up with something better, so the title might be different by the time I post part three.

Life went on, at least that was probably what happened to people who hadn’t been attacked by their uncles and bullied into handing over some more of their already shaky power. Elhokar, however, was having a hard time going on. At first he had nightmares that sometimes caused him to scream so loudly that his guards came running (of course they did that now when he wasn’t in any actual danger). After that had gone on for a while Elhokar became so terrified of reliving Dalinar’s attack in his dreams that he couldn’t sleep unless he downed a couple glasses of violet wine before lying down. When he was awake, he so panicky that he jumped at shadows and the smallest slights and threats were enough to send him into fits of hysterics.

And then there was the problem of the Stormlight. The spheres in his lamps and pockets were constantly going dun, some within hours of being recharged. Shadow had explained that was a byproduct of their bond and that Elhokar could learn to use the Light to do things if he practiced, but Elhokar didn’t even want to think about actually using the Light; he needed to figure out how to make it stop. He drew on a fair amount of Stormlight every time someone so much as mentioned Dalinar, eventually he was going to get caught and he didn’t want to explain what was happening.

“You look terrible. Have you slept?” Navani asked one morning when he was visiting her in her chambers.

“I’m fine,” Elhokar said. Shadow buzzed quietly, but Elhokar silently argued that it wasn’t really a lie. He was a lot more alert than he should have been given that he was running on about three hours of toss and turn sleep and a hangover. He suspected all the Stormlight had something to do with how surprisingly decent he was feeling, but he wasn’t about to tell Navani that.

“And you’ve been more anxious recently too,” Navani went on. “What’s been bothering you?”

“Oh, the usual,” Elhokar lied, making sure he kept his gaze focused on the view of the Plains out the window while he spoke. He was learning to be a better liar--something he couldn’t tell if Shadow liked or not--but he still couldn’t look someone in the eyes and lie convincingly, “Nothing particularly worth mentioning.”

Navani didn’t respond for a long time, and eventually Elhokar turned to look at her. Her lips were pressed together in thought, like she had sensed the lie and was trying to scope out the the truth. Navani and her two children had been cursed with the utter inability to truly understand each other. That said, Elhokar and Navani were much closer than Navani and Jasnah were because Navani found Elhokar at the very least less inscrutable than Jasnah. Navani might have been able to figure out at least part of what was bothering Elhokar if given enough time and he didn’t want to risk it.

“Mother,” he said as gently as possible. “Nothing out of the ordinary is wrong.”

“Dalinar said you’ve been calling him to investigate less supposed assassination attempts,” Navani said. “It’s good that your fear of assassination is fading, though I wish you would confide in me about what this new worry is. You’re starting to look like a walking corpse.”

Elhokar didn’t have the heart to tell her that his fear of assassination was just as strong as it had ever been, but that it had now been eclipsed by the fear of being assassinated by Dalinar.

The next time Dalinar held one of his “Oh look, my brilliant plan to use my ill-gotten power to force people to do what I want isn’t working” planning meetings, he brought along a contingency of darkeyed guards. Elhokar, like everyone else in the Warcamps, had heard about the bridgemen Dalinar had freed from Sadeas and turned into guards, but this was the first time he’d actually seen them. He was leery at first, as he always was of new people, but their leader--a serious man younger than Renarin with slave marks and a shash brand on his forehead--turned out to be very open to the idea that someone might be trying to hurt his charges which was refreshing. Still, Elhokar reminded himself that these bridgemen were even more firmly indebted to Dalinar than Elhokar’s lighteyed guards were; he could not trust them to actually save him if Dalinar told them not to.

Even though Elhokar was technically supposed to be in charge, Dalinar took over the planning, rambling around disarming the highprinces and treating them like new recruits and a million other things that were probably going to get not just him and Elhokar killed but everyone they cared about too. Elhokar tried to point that out, hoping that appealing to Dalinar’s hopefully more genuine feelings for Navani, Adolin and Renarin would actually convince the man to see sense.

“Yes, you are right,” Dalinar said, regretfully. “I hadn’t… but yes. That is how they think.” He sounded so sincere and gentle, like a kindly old grandfather. How did he manage that? Elhokar was torn between wanting to run the other way and wanting to get down on his knees and beg for the secret.

“And you’re still willing to go through with this plan?”

“I have no choice,” Dalinar said like that should be obvious.

Elhokar forced himself to go on, “Then at least tell me this: What is your endgame, Uncle? What is it you want out of all this? In a year, if we survive this fiasco, what do you want us to be?” That was boldest Elhokar had dared to be with Dalinar since the incident, and the sheer audacity of it made his stomach clench.

Dalinar was silent for a long time, simply staring out the window. “I’ll have us be what we were before, son. A kingdom that can stand through storms, a kingdom that is a light and not a darkness. I will have a truly unified Alethkar, with highprinces who are loyal and just. I’ll have more than that. I’m going to refound the Knights Radiant.”

Captain Kaladin jerked like he’d just been stung by something. Elhokar felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He hadn’t really thought about what his strange connection to a creature claiming to be a spren meant, but Jasnah had used him as a sounding board on occasion--most likely because she’d assumed he wouldn’t understand what she was talking about--and some things had stuck in his head. Shadow began buzzing in a soft but discordant tone Elhokar had learned meant she was upset. That only confirmed his budding suspicions; whatever was happening to him had something to do with the Knights Radiant.

Great.

“Are you mad, Brightlord?” Brightness Teshav asked. “The Radiants? You’re going to try to rebuild a sect of traitors who gave us over to the Voidbringers?”

“The rest of this sounds good, Father,” Adolin said with a calm logic that most people probably wouldn’t have believed he possessed. “I know you think about the Radiants a lot, but you see them...differently than everyone else. It won’t go well if you announce that you want to emulate them.”

Elhokar felt like he was standing by watching everything even remotely sane about his life crumble to ash. Where they really seriously discussing refounding the Knights Radiant? The idea should have been dismissed as a joke the instant it was brought up, but Adolin and Brightness Teshav were trying to come up with logical reasons why refounding an organization of traitors that everyone hated was a bad idea. They were all so in Dalinar’s thrawl that they were actually considering it.

That wasn’t even the only problem. Shadow wouldn’t have gotten worked up if Dalinar was just spouting nonsense. Her reaction suggested that there was a real connection between her and the Knights Radiant, which meant that there was a real connection between Elhokar and the Knights Radiant.

Elhokar couldn’t help it, he covered his face and groaned.

“Am I a Knight Radiant?” Elhokar asked Shadow the instant they were alone.

She paused for a moment as if considering how she wanted to respond. “Not yet,” she said slowly.

“So I’m supposed to be a Knight Radiant,” Elhokar pushed on. “Dalinar is actually on the right track.”

“The way he plans to refound the Knights Radiant is not the way it is supposed to happen,” Shadow said. “The Knights Radiant must rise again, but it should be at the initiative of those who were chosen not at the behest of some over-zealous warlord with visions he thinks are from the Almighty.”

“People who are chosen,” Elhokar repeated. “People like me? Why would you choose me to be a Knight Radiant? Unless you want to make sure everyone hates them again. You can’t honestly expect me to believe that you thought I could actually manage to be a hero.”

“It doesn’t matter what I believe you capable of,” Shadow said. “It’s what you believe yourself capable of that matters.”

“Why do you always do that?” Elhokar burst out.

“Do what?” Shadow asked. She actually had the audacity to sound confused.

“Talk about me like I’m not a failure of a king and a pushover,” Elhokar said. “You’ve seen plenty of proof of both, why keep denying it?”

“One of us needs to have some self-esteem,” Shadow said curtly. “And since it’s obviously not going to be you…”

“What do you want me to do, Shadow?” Elhokar snapped marching across the room and flinging his hand out to his side. “Summon my Shardblade and waltz around the warcamps proclaiming the Knights Radiant reborn? If I was lucky people might actually kill me for being a legitimate threat and not just because Alethkar can’t have an insane ruler.”

“Elhokar,” Shadow said in a very peculiar tone. “You might not want to draw your-”

Elhokar’s Shardblade formed in his hand and the instant his fingers closed around it a dreadful screaming filled his head. It was as if something was crying out in pain, like something had been trapped unendingly in the moment of its murder.

Elhokar cried out and dropped the Shardblade. The instant he let go of the Blade the screaming stopped. Elhokar stumbled across the room and threw up in one decorative vases in the corner of the room. The screaming was one of the most horrid he’d ever experienced, up there with the battles which were little more than wholesale slaughters Gavilar and Dalinar had made him witness as a child to “give him a stomach for fighting.”

The guards burst in because they were evidently still under orders to pretend to care about his well being when it suited Dalinar. “I’m fine,” Elhokar growled, spitting bile into the vase. “Get out.”

“Your Majesty-” the guard began.

“Am I your king or not?” Elhokar snapped. “I ordered you out. Get out!”

The guards blinked looking like they were surprised to see their charge doing something other than whining about assassination attempts. “Yes, Your Majesty.” They said and slunk out of the room.

Elhokar leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor in a trembling heap. “You see?” He said to Shadow. “I can’t even use a Shardblade anymore.”

“I hate those things,” Shadow said coasting across the floor towards him. “They’re perversions.”

“I don’t care what you think of them,” Elhokar said. “No one will take an Alethi King who can’t use a Shardblade seriously.”

Shadow was silent for an almost outrageously long time. “What?” Elhokar asked when he couldn’t take it anymore.

“As time goes on I remember more and more,” Shadow said slowly. “I’m just not sure what I should tell you and what you should be allowed to figure out for yourself.”

“Oh,” Elhokar groaned. “So now you’re hiding things from me.”

“I-” Shadow seemed a little thrown. “I’m just not sure if telling you would be the best way to do it. I don’t want to hurt your development by telling you something you were supposed to figure it out on your own. Though I suppose if it bothers you so much I could just-”

She was cut off by a fist pounding heavily on the door. “Elhokar? Elhokar are you alright?” Dalinar. Elhokar felt his entire body go stiff. “Elhokar!”

Elhokar didn’t respond. His heart was beating wildly in his throat. Maybe if he said nothing Dalinar would just go away.

No such luck. “Elhokar, I’m coming in,” Dalinar said and forced his way into the room. Elhokar tried to stay as still and quiet as possible, but Dalinar saw him right away.

“Are you alright?” Dalinar crossed the floor in a couple steps to kneel before him. “The guards said you were sick.”

“I’m fine.” Elhokar said. If he was someone like Dalinar or even Adolin he might have managed to say that so it was believable or at least so no one would question him. However, Elhokar had a feeling that he just sounded like a child who was terrified his uncle was going to beat him up.

“Elhokar,” Dalinar said. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Elhokar lied. He couldn’t look Dalinar in the face so instead he stared at the man’s shoulder. “It must have just been something I ate. I’m feeling better now.”

“The guards said they heard you scream,” Dalinar said. “Did something else happen?”

“I’m fine!” Elhokar pushed himself to his feet and crossed the room, trying hide that he was still shaking.

Dalinar was silent and when Elhokar turned he was studying him with his lips pursed. “What?” he asked.

“You’re not panicking about being poisoned,” Dalinar said. He spoke in a tone of voice that suggested he didn’t realize he was being sort of insulting. “I’ve never known you to be this calm in the face of the unexpected.”

Calm? Elhokar’s stomach was still churning and he wasn’t completely convinced he wasn’t going to throw up again. He couldn’t get the memory of the screaming out of his head, and Dalinar’s presence was doing nothing for his nerves. He was anything but calm.

“There’s nothing wrong,” Elhokar said trying to look calmer than he actually was. “I told you; it was probably just something I ate. I feel better now.”

Dalinar studies him for a moment then stood up. “You might be right, but I still think it would be best if you let someone look at you. You’re not acting like yourself.”

Elhokar had to bite his tongue to hold back a snort of laughter. He spent half his life trying to convince Dalinar to take his fears seriously and the one time he tried to get him to ignore something the man latched onto it. It was almost unbelievable.

“Fine,” He eventually said. “If it makes you feel better. I’m not going anywhere.”

“It does,” Dalinar said with a nod. “I’ll be right back,” and he left.

Elhokar sighed and sunk down into the sofa and leaned his head against the armrest.

“His plan won’t work,” Shadow grumbled. It sounded a little like she was just beginning to vocalize the thoughts that had been running through her mind the entire time Dalinar had been there. “You can’t expect strong-arming people who don’t like you to work.”

“It works on me,” Elhokar whispered, his voice so quiet that it was barely more than air blowing over his lips. “And he knows it. He knows. He knows it all. He must.”

“What do you mean by ‘he knows it all?’” Shadow asked.

“Nothing,” Elhokar said perhaps a bit louder than he should have.

Shadow was silent for so long that Elhokar started to think the conversation was over, then she said, “The Words you swore after our run-in with Dalinar are the only official Oaths that you have to swear,” she spoke gently but very deliberately, like she knew she might upset him but felt that she needed to speak anyway. “However, the bond between us becomes stronger each time you reveal a deep truth about yourself. The less people who know the truth, the more powerful it is. If you’re hiding something it might be best to just confess it now and get it over with.”

Elhokar’s stomach clenched at the thought. While he didn’t tell a lot of outright lies he did have a number of things he simply hid. Still, what Shadow was asking about, that was different. She was asking for the only thing that he had never told anyone, not even his sister. It was a secret that would confirm all the worst things that had ever been said about him. It was a secret so horrible and shameful that if he told it, no one, not even a liespren, would ever associate with him again. He would become the ultimate liability.

“There’s nothing to tell,” he said.

“Elhokar,” Shadow began.

“That’s all.” he snapped and deliberately closed his eyes, effectively ending the conversation.

Things passed tensely which was not necessarily a surprise. Brightlord Amaram showed up which made Dalinar really happy, though Elhokar couldn’t figure out if that was just because he liked Amaram or because the brightlord was part of Dalinar’s plan. He was honestly afraid to ask.

They continued on with the planning meetings, though Dalinar’s plan still seemed insane. During one such meeting, Elhokar hung on until he couldn’t stand it anymore then headed out onto the balcony to get some air. He still couldn’t be around Dalinar and remain calm, not to mention other things were worrying him. Jasnah was supposed to have arrived at the Shattered Plains with Adolin’s new causal betrothed, but there had been no sign of either woman and no word. No one else seemed to be worrying about it, they kept saying things like “Jasnah always gets distracted and runs off to do other things. She’ll turn up.” Elhokar was worried, but of course he was always worried and as a result no one took him seriously, even though from what Navani had said it seemed like Jasnah had been quite keen on coming to the Shattered Plains.

Elhokar was worrying about all the harms which could have befallen his sister when he leaned against the railing and the whole thing gave way. For one horrible instant he was falling then he grabbed hold of a stable piece of railing and was jerked to a stop. He sucked in a breath and his veins flared up with Stormlight giving him enough strength to hold on and probably haul himself up once he calmed down enough to think. He swore as fouly as he was able, completely throwing all kingly decorum to the winds.

Adolin reached him first, and clung to his wrists until Dalinar arrived and they hauled Elhokar back up onto the balcony together. Elhokar half wanted to protest that he could have climbed up on his own, but he wasn’t known for his upper body strength and he didn’t want people asking pointed questions.

Once he was safely back up on the balcony, Dalinar ushered Elhokar inside with a hand on his back, seemingly unaware of how every muscle in Elhokar’s body tensed at his touch. Elhokar separated himself from his uncle as soon as possible and pointedly did not look towards the balcony. He wouldn’t be going out there again for a long time, possibly not ever. He kept his teeth clenched together, refusing to allow any of the words he wanted to say escape. He didn’t think he could handle his fears being pushed aside again.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Adolin said. He sounded breathless and flustered, which was weird, because Elhokar had always been under the impression that neither of his cousins particularly liked him. “What are the chances that an entire section of soulcast railing just gives way right when the king leans against it? It must have been an assassination attempt.”

Elhokar held his breath as he waited for Dalinar to berate Adolin and tell him that he was overreacting. However, all Dalinar did was look at Elhokar like he was hoping Elhokar had suddenly gone deaf and hadn’t heard then said, “You have a very legitimate point. Has someone sent for Captain Kaladin?”

Highstorms were on the list of things that didn’t terrify Elhokar. Sure, they made him uncomfortable, but no more so than any other person. If anything, he was actually less anxious during Highstorms because no one could get to him to assassinate him. Highstorms were better protection than bodyguards, especially when all your bodyguards were more loyal to your uncle than they were to you.

Ever since they’d realized that Dalinar was experiencing visions from the Almighty during Highstorms not raving madly, he and Navani had spent the Highstorms closed up in a private room. Dalinar described his visions and Navani copied them down, normally phonetically because Dalinar didn’t usually speak Alethi and often spoke in languages or dialects even Navani didn’t know. Navani had mentioned once in passing that she wished she had Jasnah to help her, and Elhokar had quickly avoiding the topic, because the easiest way to not to be terrified about his sister’s safety was not to think about her at all.

This particular Highstorm, Captain Kaladin was head of their guards, though the man bizarrely fell asleep partway through the Storm, something that Elhokar hadn’t even realized was possible. Adolin thought it was pretty funny and started speculating about how long it would take the bridgeman to notice if he drew a mustache on him.

“Remind me not to fall asleep around Adolin,” Elhokar muttered to Shadow, shifting into a more comfortable position in his armchair.

“I will keep that in mind,” Shadow said. “It would be very embarrassing if your cousin were to draw-” then she cut herself off and began buzzing in her high-pitched, something’s wrong tone.

Elhokar scrambled to his feet and headed to the privy without looking at Adolin and Renarin for fear of them seeing something. The roar of the Highstorm could cover Shadow’s voice when she was being quiet, but he didn’t want to risk someone hearing her like this.

He closed and locked the privy door behind him and turned to face the mirror, looking directly at the place where Shadow was riding on his shirt just over his heart, half-hidden by his coat. “Alright, what happened?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

Shadow buzzed again, a high-pitched, whining sound. She was actually vibrating a little, almost like a tremor. “Something’s coming,” she said, her words so full of frightened buzz that she was hard to understand. “It’s bad. He’s bad.”

“What do you mean ‘he?’” Elhokar asked, a sinking feeling starting in his chest and travelling down to his stomach.

“Elhokar,” Shadow said quietly, still vibrating. “It’s not safe.”

Elhokar pushed the privy door open and burst out into the main room. The scene had changed. The door to Dalinar and Navani’s room was open and Adolin and Renarin were standing in it, Captain Kaladin was nowhere in sight. Elhokar struck out across the room trying to decide how to approach this. It wasn’t like he could say that a spren had told him it wasn’t safe, but if he said anything else people would just think he was being paranoid.

When he reached his cousins he found that Captain Kaladin was inside the room talking to Navani. “Can you wake him?” the bridgeman was asking. “We need to leave this room, leave this place.”

“What’s going on?” Elhokar asked pushing by his cousins and stepping into the room.

“You’re not safe here, Your Majesty,” Kaladin said. There was a wild sort of knowing in his gaze, the same kind of knowing that was burning its way through Elhokar’s veins. This bridgeman knew something was wrong, Elhokar wasn’t sure how but he knew. “We need to get you out of the palace and take you to the warcamp.”

“This is ridiculous,” Adolin objected from behind him. “This is the safest place in the warcamps. You want us to leave? Drag the king out into the storm?”

“We need to wake the highprince,” Kaladin said, turning towards Dalinar. Elhokar was impressed by the man’s refusal to be pushed aside even after being called ridiculous.

Dalinar caught Kaladin’s arm before the bridgeman could do anything. “The highprince is awake,” he said. “What is going on here?”

“The bridgeboy wants us to evacuate the palace,” Adolin explained.

Dalinar looked to Kaldin for his explanation.

“It’s not safe here, sir.” Kaladin said.

“What makes you say that?”

There was slight, almost awkward pause then Kaladin said, “Instinct, sir.”

Dalinar stared at Kaladin for a minute then he got to his feet. “We go, then.”

Elhokar breathed an audible sigh of relief, that got him a weird look from everyone in the room, but thankfully Kaladin was too worried about whatever instinct had him asking for them to move to let anyone ask questions. He ran to the door, gave some orders to his men, then came back and grabbed Elhokar by the arm. Elhokar jerked and almost pulled away, but reminded himself that he was supposed to be a confused king, not a maybe-Radiant who knew something was going on and let himself be lead.

They ran down the hall towards the kitchens. Kaladin’s hand was like a vice around Elhokar’s arm, cutting off his circulation. It did nothing to make Elhokar less nervous. He would have liked to be able to pretend that his captain of guard knew how to protect them from whatever threat they were facing.

They came around the corner and there were no lights. Elhokar had never known the palace to ever have a dark hallway, even during the Weeping. Something was very wrong.

“Wait,” Adolin said, voicing everyone’s concerns. “Why is it dark? What happened to the spheres?”

The realization struck Elhokar a moment later. “They’ve been drained of Stormlight.”

Kaladin jerked like he hadn’t expected anyone else to realize that. Then he pulled out a sphere for light and they could all see the hole cut into the wall leading outside.

“Danger,” Shadow buzzed. “Danger.”

There was movement from a side corridor, then a figure dressed all in white and streaming Stormlight stepped into the hallway and Elhokar’s heart stopped. He had not actually seen the Assassin in White the night the man had killed Gavilar, but he’d been obsessed with and terrified by the man for six years so he knew what the man looked like.

All around him his family members and the bridgemen burst into motion, but Elhokar was frozen. He was staring down the thing he had feared for years, and he couldn’t breathe let alone think.

One of the bridgemen, grabbed him by the arm and Elhokar jumped. “Your majesty,” the bridgeman said. “Come with me.”

Elhokar let the bridgeman drag him down the hall, away from the darkness and the death. Vaguely he was aware of Navani and Renarin and another bridgeman running with them, but he could barely focus on anything. His chest was tight as a vice and there was a roaring in his ears.

They stopped running and Elhokar’s legs gave out. He slid to the floor in a pathetic heap, wheezing for breath. “Moash, where did the Assassin go?” Renarin asked from somewhere above him. “Is he not following?”

“Maybe he got stopped by the Kal and others,” the bridgeman who hadn’t been dragging Elhokar along--Moash?--said.

“Captain Kaladin can take him,”  the other bridgeman said.

A hand settled on Elhokar’s shoulder. “Elhokar?” Navani asked. “Are you alright?”

“I can’t breathe,” Elhokar panted.

Moash might have snorted and muttered something under his breath, but Elhokar was too busy trying to breathe to really worry about it. Navani ran a hand up and down his back, comfortingly.

“Is he alright?” the other bridgeman asked. “What’s wrong?”

“He’ll be fine,” Navani said. “This happens sometimes.”

“I can carry him if we need to,” Renarin said sounding annoyed.

That was a level of humiliation that Elhokar would not stand. He struggled to his feet. “I’m fine,” he said, still trying to get air to circulate through his lungs. “We can go now.”

Navani got up, but kept her hand on his elbow. She looked at him like she wanted to ask a question, but he pointedly ignored her. Why couldn’t she let him at least attempt to pretend this hadn’t happened? No to mention, they did need to move. The Assassin could have killed Dalinar, Adolin and Kaladin by now and be stalking the halls for them. Elhokar desperately wanted to ask Shadow if she could tell where the Assassin was, but he already looked weak enough without seeming to talk to himself.

Moash was staring at him with an expression that wasn’t exactly neutral, though Elhokar couldn’t figure out what it was instead. “Alright,” the bridgeman said. “Let’s go.”

On the day that Dalinar held a meeting of all the highprinces to discuss the threat of the Assassin in White, Elhokar was somewhere on the weird line between hungover and still drunk. He’d been drinking quite a bit since Dalinar had attacked him in an effort to calm his nerves, but in the days since the Assassin it had increased exponentially. This was partially to keep from panicking and partially because he wasn’t stupid enough not to realize that the Assassin had actually been after Dalinar. He was stuck somewhere between shame that not even the Assassin in freaking White thought he was enough of a threat to bother killing and guilty relief that he might get to survive the whole fiasco. Either way, he was stuck at a meeting being lead by his usurping uncle and not brave enough to do anything about it even while mildly intoxicated.

With no better options, Elhokar sat on his throne and let Dalinar do the talking. Even knowing that Dalinar was the one in real danger he still felt horribly exposed without his Shardplate. Perhaps he actually was, after all someone had masterminded the railing assassination attempt and that probably hadn’t been the Assassin. However, he couldn’t actually wear the armor because the gems on the inside kept cracking or going dun. He had a feeling that had something to do with him being a Knight Radiant in the making, so he’d stopped wearing the Plate to keep people from asking questions he couldn’t answer.

Unsurprisingly to probably everyone but Dalinar, the meeting accomplished nothing. When they paused for a break several hours in the only indication that any time had passed was the change in the sun’s position. Elhokar was now firmly on the hungover side of the intoxication scale, and the bright sunlight filtering into the chamber was only making his headache worse. He was pretty sure he could use Stormlight to make himself feel better, but he’d been getting really paranoid about people noticing how often his person spheres were going dun. He would probably only use the Stormlight if he started to feel like he was going to throw up, because vomiting during a meeting like this would be a level of humiliating he refused to sink to.

He’d been sitting for several minutes nursing a goblet of orange wine and contemplating a stronger color to test something Jasnah had mentioned once about hangovers basically being withdrawals, when Navani turned away from the conversation she had been having and practically fled from the room. Dalinar was left standing with a red-haired girl Elhokar had never seen before, looking like he was thinking about going after her but couldn’t decide if that was his job.

Elhokar was on his feet almost before he decided to move. He didn’t bother with any excuses because the highprinces were all to busy scheming to pretend that Elhokar was little more than a comma to their obsession with beating Dalinar. Still a couple people did look up and call after him, but he ignored them and ducked into the cool and dim hallway after his mother.

Navani had been moving fast and had already vanished around a corner. Elhokar broke into a jog to catch up. Each step drove a spear of pain into his brain so he finally sucked in a little Stormlight to ease his headache. The passage was empty and that was a little unnerving; Elhokar hadn’t been without guards since his father’s death.

When he rounded the first corner he saw Navani up ahead. “Mother!” he called breaking into a faster pace that would probably be classified as an actual run.

For one minute Elhokar thought she was just going to ignore him, but then she stopped in the middle of the hallway and whirled to face him just as he caught up. There were actual tears in her eyes and the sight of them froze Elhokar’s blood. He had never seen seen Navani cry.

“Mother?” Elhokar ventured, hesitantly. “What’s wrong?”

Navani took a deep, shaky breath. “That girl,” she said, “apparently she just arrived in the Warcamps. She claims to be Shallan Davar.”

“Who?” Elhokar asked blankly. The name sounded vaguely familiar but he wasn’t able to place it.

“Jasnah’s new ward,” Navani said. “The one who we were talking about marrying to Adolin.”

“Right,” Elhokar said, a little knot of anxiety loosening. If Jasnah’s ward was here that meant Jasnah must be here too, she was fine. He’d been worrying for nothing. “Then I’m afraid that I don’t understand what’s wrong. Isn’t that good?”

“This girl says,” Navani swallowed unsteadily. “That during their trip here they were attacked by pirates and that…And that Jasnah was killed.”

The small sliver of relief died. Elhokar felt a hole open up inside himself. He didn’t try to convince himself that it wasn’t true. He knew it was true. He’d known for weeks that something horrible had happened to Jasnah, all this was confirmation. His sister was gone. “Mother,” he said, a sob coloring his voice. “I-”

“The girl must be an imposter,” Navani said, straightening her spine and making as if to push her hair out of her face though it was still perfectly in place. “She must be lying. Jasnah will show up. She always does.”

“Mother,” Elhokar said, trying to figure out how to tell one of the most rational women alive that she was being irrational. “I don’t think that girl would-” And then it really hit him. Jasnah was gone. Jasnah who had once when they were children tried to comfort him while he cried by rambling about how tears were just meant to lubricate the eyes so crying when emotional didn’t actually make any sense. Jasnah who had at least listened to his worries even if she thought they were as irrational as everyone else did. Jasnah who had looked at him as her shadow fell in an impossible direction and trusted him to keep it a secret. Jasnah who had probably been a potential Radiant and everything that the refounded Order both Dalinar and Shadow wanted on their side. One sob burst out of his mouth and another and another. He tried to force them back, but he couldn’t.

Navani’s safehand came to rest gently on the side of his face. He looked up at her and her face crumbled into a sob as well. They sank to the floor and clutched at each other in a heap of sobbing bodies. Elhokar’s face was pressed against Navani’s shoulder and hers was pressed against his. They were gripping each other’s clothes in white-knuckle grips, squeezing each other so tightly it was a wonder they could breathe.

Dimly Elhokar was aware that this was wrong. Alethi didn’t break down, let alone is hallways where anyone could walk by. Even Elhokar, weak as he was, hadn’t cried for his father, and if Navani had cried for her husband it was only when no one could see her. They shouldn’t be doing this, but he wasn’t sure if he could stop.

Some indeterminable amount of time later, Elhokar became aware of someone clearing their throat rather loudly. He lifted his head from Navani’s shoulder, where he’d managed to soak a patch of her dress with his tears. Moash was standing a handful of paces distant with a look of open hatred on his face. It wasn’t the kind of contempt Elhokar would have expected from an Alethi discovering other Alethi in an emotionally compromised position, it was a look of pure, animal hatred. It was only there for a moment, then it was gone. Elhokar must have just been paranoid. Still, he wished that Kaladin spent more time guarding him and not this man, even if you didn’t believe Adolin’s crazy story about Kaladin taking a Shardblade to an arm that was now completely healthy.

“What?” he asked. His voice clogged with tears and snot. It was humiliating.

“The meeting is beginning again,” Moash said, voice normal, if a bit clipped. “I will need to escort you back. It’s not safe with the Assassin in White running around.”

They could not go back, not with evidence of their breakdowns imprinted clearly on their faces. Elhokar might have been able to use Stormlight to erase that, but what he could do needed to remain a secret. “In case you hadn’t noticed,” he said to Moash. “The Assassin is after Dalinar, so we’re probably fine.”

He felt Navani stiffen, apparently she like everyone else thought he hadn’t figured that out. Thankfully she didn’t comment, because when she straightened up she pushed her now slightly messy hair back and said, “You can escort us to my son’s chambers. If you’re so worried, you can post more guards for us there.”

Moash argued a little, but no one could stand up to Navani Kholin when she had her mind made up. Eventually he did as she asked and Elhokar found himself curled up with Navani in his big bed. They cried on and off for a long time, and eventually Elhokar ended up lying with his head buried in a pillow while Navani stroked his head the way she had when he was a child. Neither of them said a word.

Elhokar was on the edge of sleep when someone knocked tentatively on the door. “Enter,” Navani called, her powerful queen’s voice back.

The door opened and someone came in. “Are you alright?” Dalinar asked. Elhokar stiffened a little, but Navani’s fingers kept running through his hair and that relaxed him again. Navani would protect him. She wouldn’t let Dalinar attack him again. He resumed his slow float to sleep.

“We’re fine,” Navani replied stiffly.

“Navani…” Dalinar sounded like he wasn’t sure how to proceed. “About Jasnah-”

“Don’t say anything about Jasnah,” Navani said tightly. “There’s nothing to say. That girl must be mistaken. Jasnah will be back.”

“Navani, you can’t just-” Dalinar paused as he tried to figure out what to say, but Elhokar never got to hear what he came up with, because that was when he slid away into the relatively peaceful embrace of sleep.

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog, Part Three: Chapters 68-76

I’m not sure where half of these plotlines are going, but I’m intrigued! That’s how it always seems to go with these stories, isn’t it? 

Shallan goes out for lunch with a bard, Kal makes some friends, we meet Highmarshal Azure and I fall in love instantly, Dalinar has flashbacks, Shallan is having some identity trouble, and Dalinar burns a scar into Alethi history, and I cut this off because I’m legitimately too nauseous to keep reading. 

So Shallan and Wit are going to go out to eat. Not a sentence that I expected to write, but here we are. Apparently Wit promised the owner that he would draw patrons, and not only was bullshitting (of course) but also is now trying to use Shallan as proof he did what he said. He also lifted her purse at some point. Shallan is so confused. 

Wit is such a fucking bard. 

As he ushered her in, he raised a fist toward the innkeeper. “I’ve had enough of your oppression, tyrant! Secure your wine this evening, for the revolution will be swift, vengeful, and intoxicated!” Closing the door behind him, Wit shook his head. “That man really should know better by now. I have no idea why he continues to put up with me.” 

I mean, I’m not wrong. 

Shallan asks if he’s a Herald; he replies no, because “the last seven times” he tried to get involved in religion were all disasters. 

“I believe there’s at least one god still worshipping me by accident.”

The worst thing is, this is probably true. He reveals to Shallan that he’s far, far older than the Heralds, and notes that when he was young, he made a vow to “always be there when he was needed” but has realized that he should have been way more specific, because “there” is usually somewhere useless. 

Shallan and Wit are great snark companions, though. Shallan has to break the news to him that Sadeas is dead. 

“Someone offed old Sadeas, and I missed it?” “What would you have done? Helped him?”  “Storms, no. I’d have applauded.” 

Adolin has unknowingly gained a fan. 

Anyway, Wit knows which spren is in the palace--it’s called the Heart of the Revel, and it’s dangerous; it reminds Wit of something he used to find, and he tells Shallan she’ll need to bring food for their revels to get in. The Heart of the Revel seems to spur on hedonism. 

...it may have been controlling Aesudan for far longer, now that I think about it, and only awoke to full power with the Everstorm. Only Rei-Shephir was bound, after all. 

Also Wit stole some of Shallan’s money. Of course. 

Over to Kaladin! He tries Lashing, and notes that it seems to attract the shrieking spren. Kal also approves of the Voidbringer’s spear--it’s a good one for battle. Lightweaving, being “quiet” (according to Pattern) doesn’t attract them, but actively Lashing does--although just holding stormlight does not. 

Makes sense that fucking with gravity would be “loud,” though. 

“A party,” Kaladin said, pacing back and forth in the tailor shop’s showroom. Skar and Drehy leaned by the doorway, each with a spear in the crook of his arm.  “This is what they’re like,” Kaladin said. “Your city is practically burning. What should you do? Throw a party, obviously.” 

I’m with Kaladin on this one. First of all--the palace is inhabited by a spirit of hedonism called the Heart of the Revel and you throw a party? Second of all, this is high-quality “Nero fiddles while Rome burns” action happening. 

Drehy and Skar point out that it’s sort of like going out drinking during war, which is a good point, but still. 

[Casper gestures furiously toward the giant evil party spren in the castle while making a noise like a boiling teakettle]

Anyway, Adolin got a new outfit! Kal gives his opinion: 

“You look like you tripped and fell into a bucket of blue paint,” Kaladin said, “then tried to dry off with a handful of parched grass.” 

“And you look like what the storm leaves behind,” Adolin said, passing by and patting Kaladin on the shoulder. “We like you anyway. Every boy has a favorite stick he found out in the yard after the rains.” 

Adolin also has started to call Kaladin Kal. He also talks to Skar and Drehy and get their requests for food he can steal from the lighteyes’ table. I’m so glad that Adolin gets along well with Bridge Four now. He also offers to take them drinking the next day--apparently the three of them have gone drinking a few times since the pair of them stopped Adolin’s ass from falling in a chasm at the end of Words of Radiance. 

Anyway, we get that Kaladin doesn’t like lightweaving over his face--because it feels like lying to him, which makes sense. Interestingly, if you put all the orders in a circle, windrunners and lightweavers are opposites. I know this is news to nobody ok. 

Also, summoning the Sylblade doesn’t draw screamers, so at least Kal has that to fall back on. 

He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in darkness, and always would be.  Why was it so hard to remember? Did he have to keep slipping back down? Why couldn’t he stay up here in the sunlight, where everyone else lived? 

THIS IS A BIG MENTALLY ILL MOOD Y’ALL. Like, god, if that isn’t the story of my life. 

C’mon, Kal, we can do it. 

Anyway, Adolin notices that Kaladin is upset, and drops back to talk with him. They discuss whether or not Kaladin should train in side sword, then--

“Maybe I’m one of those punchy guys.”  Adolin stopped in place and grinned at Kaladin. “Did you just say ‘punchy guys?”’ “You know, ardents who train to fight unarmed.”  “Hand to hand?” “Hand to hand.”  “Right,” Adolin said. “Or ‘punchy guys,’ as everyone else calls them.”  Kaladin met his eyes, then found himself grinning back. “It’s the academic term.”  “Sure. Like swordy fellows. Or spearish chaps.”  “I once knew a real axalacious bloke,” Kaladin said. “He was great at psychological fights..”  “Psychological fights?”  “He could really get inside someone’s head.” 

This is too good for me to leave it out look at these pun idiots making jokes at each other. Anyway, Adolin is really excited about possibly teaching Kaladin sword, and also points out to be a good warrior he’s going to need to learn how to fight all kinds of people--and the best way to know how to do that is to practice with their weapons himself. 

When I was imprisoned for daring to accuse Amaram, he was the only lighteyes who stood up for me.  Adolin Kholin was simply a good person. Powder-blue clothing and all. You couldn’t hate a man like him: storms, you kind of had to like him. 

As I’ve said before: this is the good Kaladin and Adolin content I love to see. Shippy or not, it’s just good content. 

Anyway, Kal feels sick at the idea of going into the non-noble lighteyes’ tent like he’s supposed to, so he borrows a spear and decides to walk the block. Kal goes over to the wall, and Shallan’s illusion over his brands has dropped. It might just...work less well on Kaladin? 

Anyway, there are apparently free meals for deserters. He heads over and decides to talk to them to get his information on this Azure. 

The epigraphs from the gems are mentioning something called “the Sibling” that has withdrawn some from them. 

Anyway, Kal’s with the Wall Guard now. He also notes that he’s been spoiled by Rock’s cooking. Anyway, the state of the men speaks well in Kal’s mind of Highmarshal Azure, who he assumes is some midrank officer thrust into power by the chaos. 

Kal tells the basic truth about his shash brand--got in a squabble with Amaram, who killed some of his men. The sergeant keeps trying to recruit him, and Azure apparently has a Shardblade. 

And then Azure appears and I shriek, because she’s a lady. 

fuck YES. I feel like Eowyn is an appropriate reaction image. 

She’s orange-eyed, with short hair; she wears her Blade and doesn’t dismiss it, but it looks like a Shardblade. Weird. Anyway, have I mentioned that I’m perpetually gay for women and swords? Because I’m in love with Azure now. 

Anyway, she takes Kaladin up to the top of the barracks. Apparently it’s a “secret” that she’s female, despite her, well, obviously being female. Well, if that’s what it takes for the Alethi to rationalize it. She says that the wall is redemption--they’re the only thing between the Voidbringers and the people, and she trusts that Kaladin will be back to help eventually. Anyway, Kaladin suspects that she is a Radiant--which she honestly sounds like. 

Back to the Blackthorn, eleven years ago, in case seeing a female possibly-radiant being badass made you think everything wasn’t shit. 

Dalinar’s sent Adolin back to Kholinar, and has his forces attacking from the west while Sadeas’ attack from the east and have I mentioned that I do not trust any plan that a) has already been foreshadowed to end badly and b) involves both Blackthorn Dalinar and Sadeas in the same area? 

Anyway, Dalinar notes that Evi is being the “perfect Vorin wife” and that she’s so clearly miserable that it’s crushing him. Hey, bright idea, asshole--tell her she doesn’t have to and actually support her for once. Just saying. 

He notes that this is the first time an argument has bothered him this much. Maybe it’s because she made good points that you can’t dismiss by hitting things with a sword, Dalinar. Maybe you’re actually feeling guilt. Consider that. 

Anyway, he goes to talk to her. Evi says that she was praying for Dalinar’s heart to soften--not for her sake, but for the men he was riding out to kill. 

“I hate what this does to you,” she said softly. “I see beauty in you, Dalinar Kholin. I see a great man struggling against a terrible one. And sometimes, you get this look in your eyes. A horrible, terrifying nothingness. Like you have become a creature with no heart, feasting upon souls to fill that void, dragging painspren in your wake. It haunts me, Dalinar.” 

It seems a lot to me like Evi--coming from a culture where the Thrill isn’t normal--has a much clearer view of it than any of the Alethi. She sees it as the monster it is. She asks Dalinar to hold back, saying that his mercy against Tanalan--the boy--before was a sign of humanity, not a mistake. She asks him not to “feed it”--feed the darker version of him. Feed the thrill and, by extension, the Unmade that controls it. 

God, the thrill is toxic and awful. The more we see its effects, the more it makes my skin crawl. And it’s so normalized. 

Anyway, Dalinar notes that many of the men do see the Thrill as something external to them, a companion, which isn’t creepy at all. A silent companion with you always, rewarding you with euphoric highs when you slaughter people? One so regular that not feeling it is seen as strange? 

This is horrifying. It blatantly rewards slaughter and viciousness--and explains why Alethi culture is so combat-driven and violent. They’re all trained to think that this druglike high is the best reward possible, the most normal reaction to battle. 

Does Dalinar forget, sometimes, that it almost made him kill his brother? 

Dalinar asks to walk with Tanalan, reminding him that the last time they met, Dalinar should have killed him, and didn’t. Tanalan agrees; Dalinar compliments his forces, saying it will be a pity to kill them, and Tanalan asks if he can. 

Dalinar points out that he has never lost a battle. 

“My brother attempted words and politics to bring you into line,” Dalinar said. “Well. I’m good at only one thing. He builds. I destroy. But because of the tears of a good woman, I have come--against my better judgement--to offer you an alternative.” 

A great man battling a terrible one. That’s really the story of Dalinar. This time, it seems that for a moment, the great man won. 

Tanalan doesn’t accept the parlay, of course, but he says that it could have been a trap--one decided to catch the traitor, who, he says, was Sadeas. 

I wholeheartedly believe that. 

Anyway, Dalinar decides he’s going to check this out, following the caravan that they missed leaving Rathelas. I hope this works. I hope it works so, so much. 

Back to Shallan. 

Veil says that the city has a heartbeat, one she can hear when she closes her eyes. She’s investigating a noble house--but her illusions and roles are getting to her more and more. That’s alarming. For a moment, she even refers to the actual lady of the house as “an inferior version” and considers taking her place, and hurriedly drops the illusion. 

That’s very not good. 

“Sorry,” Veil said, grabbing a sack of grain. “That woman’s head is a frightening place.”  “Well, I did say Nananav is notoriously difficult.”  Yeah, Veil thought. But I was talking about Shallan. 

ANYWAY. They were doing a Serious Food Heist, but are about to get caught and thus are sprinting out of there. They nearly get caught, and Shallan makes herself look like a horrifyingly melting Nananav, who then gets shot in the head. 

YIKES. 

The stormlight healed the crossbow bolt inside her head holy fuck, so she needs to pull it out. She’s starting to worry Vathah. Anyway, Shallan asks the kid she gave food to earlier if there’s other people who need it, and gets the name of a seamstress, some refugee kids, and a cobbler, and she gives it to them. Veil likes doing things, helping people. 

Over to Kaladin. He seems to be back in the barracks, and one of the soldiers--who tells tall tales--is saying he met the Blackthorn. He’s officially joined the Guard, because Elhokar asked him to, and almost seems to be making friends there. Anyway, the guard sees and shit-talks Adolin a little, and we get that Kal is shit at acting lighteyed. 

“But,” Kaladin said, “how can you say that? I mean, he’s lighteyed. Like us.” He winced. Did that sound fake? it sure is nice being lighteyed as I, of course, has light eyes--like you, my eyes are lighter than the dark eyes of darkeyes. 

I’m fucking wheezing. And Kaladin is legitimately wanting to defend Adolin Kholin and his stupid bright clothes. 

Side note, everyone uses he/him pronouns for Azure. I’m not sure if that’s the soldiers just doing it because it’s weird using she/her for a general, or if that’s what Azure actually uses? I’ll try to use “they” to be safe until I get an actual verdict on that one. 

Anyway, their shardblade doesn’t have a gem on it, which is one reason Kal thinks they’re a Radiant. He notes that if they have Soulcasting, that would explain why the screamers haven’t come, although it looks like they do have a soulcaster. 

Although--they can’t have soulcasting. We know that Jasnah at the moment is the only Elsecaller, and Azure doesn’t seem like a Lightweaver. A Lightweaver would be wearing a disguise. 

Apparently, if you get too close to the Palace Guard, you hear whispering voices telling you to join them, but according to Azure they can’t get you if you don’t listen. Beard, as a side note, seems to be a Rosharan atheist. Kal seems less certain. 

Kal immediately starts acting as a commander when there’s an alert and then sheepishly realizes he’s not a commander. He’s also not used to forces that actually have surgeons. 

Back over to Veil. In the epigraphs,  we get the melancholy musings of a Windrunner as they leave Urithiru: 

Today, I leaped from the tower for the last time. I felt the wind dance around me as I fell all the way along the eastern side, past the tower, and to the foothills below. I’m going to miss that. 

Veil is starting to regularly supply food to some people, when she can. People are calling her the Swiftspren--a Robin-Hood-esque figure robbing the rich, uncatchable because she’s a spren. White hat, white coat, looking and acting different sometimes. She knows she’s thinking too small-scale--but still, it’s something she can actually do. 

She gives herself the illusion of being a cultist herself, but as Swiftspren--a beautiful glowing arrowhead, golden-tasseled with arrowhead designs. And, maybe, gets a little too far into it, because she hears what they hear whispering, and it calls her by name. 

So she stops, still looking like an actual spren, and changes the chanting. 

“There are spren,” Shallan said to the gathered crowd, using Lightweaving to twist and warp her voice, “and there are spren. You followed the dark ones. They whisper for you to abandon yourselves. They lie.”  The cultists gaped.  “We do not want your devotion. When have spren ever demanded devotion? Stop dancing in the streets and be men and women again. Strip off those idiotic costumes and return to your families!”  They didn’t move quickly enough, so she sent her tassels streaming upward, curling about one another, lengthening. A powerful light flashed from her.  “Go!” She shouted. 

She’s still shaken by how quickly their thinking wormed its way into her head. 

Anyway, Elhokar says that the pattern on her skirt--which is Pattern--is familiar. We get that Elhokar’s son will be three now, and he’s so concerned. Shallan gets her sketchbook. It’s him kneeling, beaten down, but he’s looking up. He looks regal. 

She gives it to him, and he’s almost in tears. And finally, Shallan gets a note--from the Cult. 

Man, a lot is happening. Shallan is losing herself. Elhokar seems to be finding himself. Kaladin is working with the guard. Kholinar is still choking to death on its own secrets. 

And, of course, we go eleven years ago, to Dalinar hunting down the team from the traitor highprince; he’s brought his elites. Unfortunately, the idea that Sadeas betrayed them--it gives him the Thrill, pumping it through him. He thinks it gives him focus. 

I doubt that. Anyway, he was drawn into a ravine, and just as he realized that none of it made sense--why would they wear Sadeas’ colors if they were a secret envoy, their uniforms are wrong--the ravine lip collapses into a landslide. For the second time, the Rift uses its own land against him. He survived--barely. 

But it was a trap. Designed to draw him in and crush him. The men are trying to dig him out--because he has Plate and Blade. They rush him, and he sees only red--and comes back to himself pounding a man’s head against the stones repeatedly. There is an entire pile of men lying behind him. The gemstone on Oathbringer cracked; he can’t dismiss it normally and,  uh, I just want to re-state, there is a pile of corpses of men he killed behind him. 

Evi looks at him, and she goes pale. She’s terrified of him, how he looks now. He made it back, barely. Evi tells him to rest, to sleep, to think. Sadeas tells him to push on now, to punish them. 

A great man fighting a terrible one, and we see who backs each side. Sadeas was always a terrible influence on Dalinar. 

“No, [make] oil. As much as we have gemstones for. Oh, and someone take my wife to her tent so she may recover from her unwarranted grief. Everyone else, gather round.” 

And we see which man wins, and it sure isn’t the great one. He’s going to torch the Rift. 

Oh, Dalinar. 

I’m glad that this is the third book, and we’ve had two books to learn to love him as he is now. I’m also glad that he didn’t remember this, that thinking about it gives him PTSD attacks, because I’m glad to know the man he has become would be as appalled by this as I am. 

Because if those weren’t true, I’d hate him. 

There’s a red mist clouding his vision. It won’t let him sleep. An envoy comes to fly the flag of truce, and Dalinar says to shoot them dead. Sadeas approves, of course. 

This is the Dalinar Sadeas missed, isn’t it? The strong one. The one who he thought could help Alethkar. Sadeas missed and idolized this fucking monster. 

Dalinar is specifically misleading Gavilar to think that he’s still dead, so Gavilar can’t supercede his direct orders. He knows Gavilar wouldn’t let him torch the Rift. So he’s making sure Gavilar thinks he’s dead. 

Oh, and in case this scene could get any worse, guess who is of course with Sadeas’s army. 

Amaram turned from where he stood with the other generals. 

Of course Amaram is there. Of course he is. He isn’t even doing anything particularly bad, but it’s like Brandon went “oh, what could make this scene worse? I know. Putting Meridas Amaram in there.” 

God. Did Amaram learn his “do things for the greater good” mentality watching at Sadeas and the Blackthorn’s side? He very well could have. 

Tanalan is trying to save his family. He didn’t hide in the saferoom. 

Dalinar was going to call the attack off, but Sadeas reminded him that he set a battalion to kill anyone escaping. Thanks to Sadeas’ actions, there is no way to save the city. 

“At least this time you didn’t hide in your hole. I don’t know who you let take cover there, but know they are dead. I took care of that with barrels of fire.”  Tanalan blinked, then started laughing with a frantic, crazed air. “You don’t know? How could you not know? But you killed our messengers. You poor fool. You poor, stupid fool.”  Dalinar seized him by the chin, though the man was still held by his soldiers. “What?”  “She came to us,” Tanalan said. “To plead. How could you have missed her? Do you track your own family so poorly? The hole you burned...we don’t hide there anymore. Everyone knows about it. Now it’s a prison.” 

Oh god. Oh no, no, no, no, no. 

No. 

Evi defected to try to plead for mercy. Dalinar shot all the messengers. They imprisoned her in the safehouse. 

Dalinar burned his own wife to death, blinded by the Thrill. 

I. I have to cut this here. I’m legitimately nauseous and shaking. Damn it. Damn it. 

No. 

God, do Adolin and Renarin know? They can’t. They must think Evi was assassinated. They don’t know that their father burned their mother to death. 

I can’t think about this anymore or I will, actually, puke. 

[preservationandruin]

Words of Radiance Part Four Part Two

Alright, let’s keep this moving!

Kaladin Is Still In Prison, Adolin Was Also In Prison, Kaladin gets out of prison and makes a bad decision, I yell at Amaram a lot, Wit also yells at Amaram, Dalinar’s visions are leaked to the public, Shallan and Kaladin go on a Chasms Road Trip, Shallan remembers a fateful day, I yell at Amaram more, and Dalinar is ready for his big trip. 

WARNING: Shallan’s flashback includes physical and emotional abuse, as well as attempted and successful murder. 

Kaladin is still in prison. He’s noting that his thoughts are starting to distort the truth--again, That Mentally Ill Feel. He knows Dalinar will get him out, he believes Dalinar will get him out--but his mind twists it until he starts thinking Dalinar might have lied. He also starts beating himself up for being a bad guard, despite having gone toe-to-toe with the Assassin in White and lived, driving him off. 

He thinks bridge four is happy to be rid of him oh my god that is the most painful sentence I have ever read. 

Fortunately, he’s being let out. He promises that nobody will ever do this to him again, regardless of station. Aaaaaaand he runs into Adolin. Who is also in a cell. Because of course. And not only did Adolin lock himself up, he ordered that Bridge Four be there when Kaladin was released. 

Adolin Kholin is a good man. 

“Didn’t seem right, you in here,” Adolin said, eyes forward.  “I ruined your chance to duel Sadeas.”  “I’d be crippled or dead without you,” Adolin said. “So I wouldn’t have had the chance to fight Sadeas anyway.” The prince stopped in the hallway and looked at Kaladin. “Besides. You saved Renarin.”  “It’s my job,” Kaladin said. “Then we need to pay you more, bridgeboy. Because I don’t know if I’ve ever met another man who would jump, unarmored, into a fight among six Shardbearers.” 

And then they start bonding over Kaladin being incredulous about Adolin’s cologne and Adolin being mock-offended and even making fun of himself, and Adolin apologizing for ruining the plan, and Adolin pointing out that technically, Elhokar ruined it. 

Adolin also wholeheartedly believes Kaladin about Amaram--points out that you never hear about Amaram doing anything wrong, whereas even Dalinar--the best man Adolin knows--makes mistakes, loses his temper, and has a checkered history. Amaram doesn’t, which is pretty fucking suspicious. 

Yet again, Adolin’s intuition is scarily sharp. Right about Sadeas, right about Kaladin, right about Amaram. If he actually puts some more work into it, he could get really good at reading people. 

I love Adolin Kholin so much as a character like yeah, he can be a fuckup, but he is a genuinely good person. 

Also Bridge Four in unison salutes the moment that they see Kaladin and then just start cheering. Renarin is there in uniform, stimming but cheerfully talking with Adolin; Rock makes fun of Kaladin’s new beard. 

BRIDGE FOUR IS BACK TOGETHER. 

Also Adolin now apparently owns two shardblades and three sets of plate, the Kholin family owns a quarter of the Shards in all of Alethkar (actually more if Shallan marries into the family and I also know they’re not counting Jasnah, even though Ivory can become a Shardblade) and also Adolin is dueling champion now, as well he should be. 

And Adolin offers the plate to Kaladin...who gives them to Moash. Kaladin is purposely testing Adolin and actually flinches as Adolin grabs his shoulder--to ask if he’s sure. 

Because Adolin, unlike Amaram, is ACTUALLY A DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEING. Kaladin also makes the cryptic comment that he’d be more useful against the Assassin in White without Shards. 

Moash’s new shard has a heliodor in the pommel, as a note. I wonder if that’s why his eyes go tan--is it just a lightening of the original color of the person’s eyes, or is it correspondant to the color of the stone powering the Blade? Kaladin’s eyes going blue near the end there imply it’s the power of the Blade making the eyes turn, so it probably corresponds to color? Although that doesn’t answer for why Lighteyes’ eyes don’t change. 

Rambling aside, Rock decides this shardplate shit is taking way too long and that they should be having a party. GREAT CAPTAIN KALADIN, STORMBLESSED AND DWELLER IN PRISONS, YOU WILL EAT MY STEW NOW. 

God I love Bridge Four. 

Also they were debating whether or not to break Kaladin out I fucking love them so much. my BOYS. Also they’re all willing to kick the shit out of Amaram. Same. Absolute Same. 

Aaaand Kaladin says that Moash’s friends are right about Elhokar. KAL NO. 

Over to Dalinar. Dalinar also basically says Kaladin reminds him of him when he was younger--although I have to note that Kaladin had a more level head. Also Navani is being an Engineer and Dalinar is trying to follow along. Mixed success. Also, Navani has figured out that the gemstones in Shards are not what originally powered them. 

Navani is still mourning Jasnah. “What happened to my little girl, so full of questions?” Ouch. 

Navani Deserves Better. 

Also we get another implication that Navani didn’t really care for Gavilar. Something was up with their marriage. 

Anyway, Dalinar’s trying to convince people to join his attempt to do a massive attack against the Parshendi. He’s noted that the Parshendi have stopped trying to go after gemhearts--which would be because their tactics have drastically shifted in a way that the Alethi cannot possibly be prepared for.

Also, Wit’s back. And Sadeas is purposely undermining Dalinar because he’s a shithead. I fucking hate Sadeas. 

“You always assume it’s me,” Sadeas said.  “That’s because any time I think it isn’t you, I’m wrong.” 

Yeah, Sadeas, Dalinar isn’t going to be that easy to fool this time. Easy to stymie, though, because for all Dalinar’s skills he is shit at political intrigue.

AND SPEAKING OF PEOPLE I FUCKING HATE, AMARAM IS HERE!

“Why, Brightlord Amaram!” Wit cried. “I was hoping I’d be able to see you tonight. I’ve spent my life learning to make others feel miserable, and so it’s a true joy to meet someone so innately talented in that very skill as you are.”  [...] “Do I know you?” Amaram asked.  “No,” Wit said lightly, “but fortunately, you can add it to the list of many, many things of which you are ignorant.”  “But now I’ve met you,” Amaram said, holding out a hand. “So the list is one smaller.”  “Please,” Wit said, refusing the hand. “I wouldn’t want it to rub off on me.”  “It?”  “Whatever you’ve been using to make your hands look clean, Brightlord Amaram. It must be powerful stuff indeed.”  Dalinar hurried over.

THIS EXCHANGE ADDS FIVE YEARS TO MY LIFESPAN, CLEARS MY SKIN, CURES MY ANXIETY, AND REPLENISHES MY BANK ACCOUNT WIT DRAGGING AMARAM IS EVERYTHING I LOVE IN THIS WORLD.

Also how he fucking precision-hits things that Amaram would be insecure about--his knowledge, where we know he thinks he knows fucking everything and has an inflated sense of his own importance, and his image, where Wit is basically like bitch I see you and I know you’re fake as hell. 

And then Dalinar runs over to do damage control because he can’t have Amaram getting too suspicious yet, I imagine. Throughout the whole conversation, Wit keeps dissing Amaram and I remain the most alive I have been in months. 

“I mean, I wouldn’t want to call Amaram an imbecile...because then I’d have to explain to him what the word means, and I’m not certain any of us have the requisite time.” 

I know it’s petty but I’m petty and thus I take great joy in all of this. 

“Lord Amaram,” Wit called, standing to bow, his voice growing solemn. “I salute you. You are what lesser cretins like Sadeas can only aspire to be.” 

That one still gets me because it’s not even a jibe or a joke. It’s just a statement of fact and you can tell that Wit is dead-serious with that. Amaram also is like “lmao Dalinar I understand your visions better than you! The Almighty isn’t actually dead!!111!! he’s talking in metaphors u dingus!!11!!!!!!” 

Shut the fuck up Amaram, you know jack shit about Honor, don’t talk like you know Honor better than Dalinar. That’s just fucking laughable. 

He also refers to Kaladin only as “the slave.” And says he’d like to hear an apology from Kaladin. “Not for my own ego” Bull. Shit. 

Fucking asshole. 

Also Navani bitchslaps Wit with a handful of papers, and is furious that they edited the papers to make it seem like Navani is ridiculing Dalinar. She’s also ready to eviscerate whoever did this. RIP whoever the fuck leaked this. 

“As I fear not a child with a weapon he cannot lift, I will never fear the mind of a man who does not think.” 

Yeah it’s from the Way of Kings but in context it’s a sick-ass burn. 

So Dalinar just stands on a fucking table and is like “yeah these are the visions I’ve been having, come at me, you already made me a spectacle so honestly fuck you guys for thinking i’d actually be upset by this bullshit.” 

“If you must laugh, do it while looking me in the eyes.” 

Fuck yeah you tell ‘em dad. 

Also, Dalinar notes that Adolin seems very fond of Shallan, and Dalinar wants to encourage that--as long as he can get actual answers out of Jah Keved about her family. Which he won’t be able to because Jah Keved is a fucking mess. 

Dalinar asks if Wit is a Herald--he’s amused, but says no, and also denies being a Radiant. And we get Wit’s chilling line-- “If I have to watch this world crumble and burn to get what I need, I will do so. With tears, yes, but I would let it happen.” 

Also Wit basically says that he has to stop Odium from finding him in order to not die, basically. I still wonder about that WOB that says that Hoid and Rayse were once friends. That seems...quite interesting. 

Over to Kaladin. He’s still having problems inhaling Stormlight--he’s killing Syl, and with her the Nahel bond that gives him his powers. Kaladin you dingus. Syl is acting like a windspren again. 

“You want too much of me,” he snapped at her as he reached the other side of the chasm. “I’m not some glorious knight of ancient days. I’m a broken man. Do you hear me, Syl? I’m broken.”  She zipped up to him and whispered, “That’s what they all were, silly.” 

Bridge Four is still bringing their bridge on this scouting expedition, because Kaladin is a paranoid fuck (for good reason). Rock says that it’s gotten lighter because they defeated Sadeas. Nobody else understands him. 

Also, Renarin is starting to fit in with Bridge Four and joke around with them--and also that he hasn’t summoned his shardblade since the fight. 

For good reason, although neither Kaladin nor Dalinar knows that. Also, this: 

“Sir,” Kaladin said. “If I may say so, your son seems like kind of a misfit. Out of place. Awkward, alone.”  Dalinar nodded.  “Then, I can say with confidence that Bridge Four is probably the best place he could find himself.” 

I LOVE KALADIN’S RAGTAG BAND OF WEIRD MISFITS AND THAT THEY’RE ACCEPTING RENARIN AS ONE OF THEM. 

Also Adolin is now just occasionally making casual conversation with Kaladin. Kaladin also realizes that he’s made two conflicting oaths, and that’s why his powers are going away and Syl is losing sentience. She tells him to find the words, and soon. 

Shallan is geeking out over the bridge. Kaladin notices that he recognizes one of the carpenters, and is confused by it. Moash has stopped coming over for stew nights as often. 

Ouch. 

Kaladin points out that the plains are the worst place for Szeth to attack them, because they have three hundred archers with them and he just sorta. Flies. in the air. 

Adolin asks Kaladin for girl advice. Kaladin is like. my dude. you are asking the wrong person. Too busy trying not to die to date really. Kaladin is just like dude just tell her you really want this relationship to work also why the fuck are you asking me this. 

Also Adolin trying to be nonchalant about getting information about Kaladin. 

“You won’t have a Shardblade, but won’t need one, because of...you know.”  “I know?” Kaladin felt a spike of alarm.  “Yeah...you know.” Adolin glanced away and shrugged, as if trying to act nonchalant. “That thing.”  “What thing?”  “That thing...with the...um, stuff?” 

Kaladin actually manages to smile at how shitty Adolin is at this and just says “I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about” which is completely true. 

Also the conversation about how Adolin would pay to see Kaladin happy. That conversation is still lowkey gay and nobody can convince me otherwise. 

Neither of them get why Shallan is so excited about stuff like moss. And bugs. Adolin is trying to make jokes. Badly. 

“You’re good at military thinking, for a bridgeboy,” Adolin said. “Coincidentally,” Kaladin said, “you’re good at not being unobnoxious, for a prince.”�� “Thanks,” Adolin said. “That was an insult, dear,” Shallan said. 

God I love all of these losers. 

Anyway, Shallan and Kaladin aren’t getting along well at all. High time for a bonding friendship trip into the caverns!!!! Kaladin notices, just at the right moment, that the man he recognized with the carpenters was one of Sadeas’ lumbermen. Of course, everything happens at once, and the bridge collapses--and down go Kaladin and Shallan. 

And Syl uses the last of their bond to save Kaladin. And the Stormfather fucking yells at him for killing Syl. Both Shallan and Kaladin assume they subconsciously saved the other. 

And so they try to survive. And also not kill each other. Kaladin points out that Shallan is complicit in the class inequality--which she really is, I mean, look at the boots scene--and Shallan responds with something like “oh wow big surprise people with power are abusive” which makes sense given her background but also is not the right response. 

He also does directly use the boots scene as proof she is complicit, which she admits. He also does say she’s better than most of the others. 

Aaaand then their shouting match attracts a chasmfiend and they have to bolt. BRILLIANT, GUYS. 

Also Kaladin notices that Shallan is incredibly unwinded from all this running--wow, I wonder if she’s infusing stormlight on instinct (the answer is yes). Shallan also uses her abilities to hide them and goes to try to see the chasmfiend. Kaladin notes that they look “wrong” and “almost intelligent;” Shallan notes that the spren that follow them also follow skyeels. 

I just had a bad thought. If Parshendi change when the everstorm comes, could the chasmfiends change too? If so, what the FUCK do they turn into? 

I hope I’m wrong. 

Shallan also calls Kaladin “Kaladin Longlegs.” Also she tries to throw some chull jerky at him when he’s not looking and he just catches it. 

Listen, when these two become friends, they will be the Best Sassfriends. 

And yeah, they have a sass contest, which actually amuses both of them. They’re good at it. 

God, I hope they end up as friends instead of part of some unholy twisted love triangle scenario. I fucking hate love triangles and i feel like it would only serve to drive everyone involved apart--which is awful, because I like having two male leads (Adolin and Kaladin) who actually get along half of the fucking time, and robbing me of that is just not fair, Brandon. 

Another powerfully sad moment of miscommunication: 

“All right,” Kaladin said. “Here it is. I can imagine how the world must appear to someone like you. Growing up pampered, with everything you want. To someone like you, life is wonderful and sunny and worth laughing over. That’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t blame you. You haven’t had to deal with pain or death like I have. Sorrow is not your companion.”  Silence. Shallan didn’t reply. How could she reply to that?  “What?” Kaladin finally asked.  “I’m trying to decide how to react,” Shallan said. “You see, you just said something very, very funny.”  “Then why aren’t you laughing?”  “Well, it isn’t that kind of funny.” 

They both understand so little about each other. They are seeing what they expect to see and not what’s underneath--which is two deeply broken people trying to move forward with their lives as best they can. 

Bridge Four is trying to figure out how Kaladin could have survived--Sigzil is grilling Teft about what he knows about the Radiants. Dalinar is trying to convince them not to keep watch for Kaladin, but good fucking luck with that. They’re Bridge Four. They know their captain. Dalinar is just like. You guys make sure you’re actually eating, right? 

He’s such a Dad. 

Anyway, Shallan is making a map, and Kaladin realizes how incredible her skill with drawing and memory is. Also, Shallan is talking to Pattern--and Kaladin realizes it’s like him talking to Syl. 

And Kaladin says that in a dream, he saw that the chasms were symmetrical--and Shallan realizes she can figure out where the parshendi are, and where the oathgate is. 

Shallan tries to point out that Kaladin can’t blame himself about everything. Kaladin immediately proves her wrong. And there’s another heartbreaking moment, this time of connection. 

“Oh, all people understand pain,” Kaladin said. “That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s...”  “The sorrow,” Shallan said softly, “of watching a life crumble? Of struggling to grab it and hold on, but feeling hope become stringy sinew and blood beneath your fingers as everything collapses?”  “Yes.”  “The sensation--it’s not sorrow, but something deeper--of being broken. Of being crushed so often, and so hatefully, that emotion becomes something you can only wish for. If only you could cry, because then you’d feel something. Instead, you feel nothing. Just...haze and smoke inside. Like you’re already dead.” He stopped in the chasm. She turned and looked to him. “The crushing guilt,” She said, “of being powerless. Of wishing they’d hurt you instead of those around you. Of screaming and scrambling and hating as those you love are ruined, popped like a boil. And you have to watch their joy seeping away while you can’t do anything. They break the ones you love, and not you. And you plead. Can’t you just beat me instead?”  “Yes, he whispered. Shallan nodded, holding his eyes. “Yes. It would be nice if nobody knew of those things, Kaladin Stormblessed. I agree. With everything I have.” 

God, that section rips my heart out. Shallan represses it, Kaladin has PTSD (well, they both probably do) and they both just wish they could have helped other people. 

These are good kids. 

And immediately they just start joking with each other. Aaand then the puns happen. And then a chasmfiend happens, and they get chased into a fissure. Kaladin wants to go chase it off so that they both can live, and Shallan panics at the thought of being left alone. And so she gives him her shardblade. 

Kaladin is like what the fuck. 

Also, the blade--which is Pattern--actually glows a garnet color. That’s because it’s alive. Also, it doesn’t scream--which Kaladin attributes to him having lost his bond with Syl, but that’s not right. And Kaladin also assumes two things in one sentence: 

“At least this told him one thing--Shallan wasn’t likely to be a Surgebinder. Otherwise, he suspected she’d hate this Blade as much as he did.” 

First, she is a Surgebinder.

Second, she does hate that Blade. 

Anyway, working together--with Pattern, Shallan’s illusions,and Kaladin’s fighting prowess--they kill a Chasmfiend. Also Kaladin’s leg gets Fucked Up. 

Kaladin ends up half in a chasmfiend’s mouth and the first thing he says is fucking ow. 

Anyway, they use the Blade to cut out a cubbyhole to weather the storm in. Shallan is having to train her mind not to blank at the mention or thought of the Shardblade--and she also can make it shrink. 

That’s not normal. 

Anyway, as Kaladin climbs into the cubbyhole and the stormwall hits, we get a Shallan flashback. She’s wearing her father’s necklace and a nice Vorin-style dress, and reporting that nobody has been able to find Helaran. 

For some reason, their father summoned Eylita to their house. This has got to be it--this is when Shallan kills her father to save Balat. Shallan finds Malise’s dead body--Father found out about the plan, sent for Eylita, and then murdered his own wife as a punishment. 

Shallan pours wine as her brother and father fight each other. This says a lot about how utterly Shallan had managed to subsume herself in other personas--she is outwardly calm even with this, with having seen a dead body of her own stepmother, with her brother and father trying to kill each other. 

And she pours wine and gives it to him. He drinks it, and then reaches for the poker--and severely injures Balat by slamming against his leg as Shalan screams. 

And as the rain pounds outside, her father starts to lose control of his fine motor skills. Shallan is cold--it’s her when she’s at rock-bottom. When she lost her mother, now, when she kills Tyn--when Shallan is at rock-bottom she is a stone-cold killer. 

Which is good, because it keeps her brothers and herself alive. 

But the poison only paralyzed him, and so--Shallan asks her brothers to finish the job, but none of them can. Jushu and Wikim back up. Balat isn’t conscious. So Shallan strangles him with the necklace he gave her, while singing the lullaby that he sung to her. 

Fuck, this scene is chilling and horrible. Shallan had to do it--her father would have murdered them all, one day, and probably only avoided her because he knew that she had a Shardblade and was scared--but god, that’s so brutal. 

Back to Kaladin. He gets in the cavern as Shallan uses her sphere to pull him up; they both see what looks like a screaming face in the storm. Kaladin sees something that looks like a giant, inhuman form glowing in the storm, completely alien, striding in it. 

Cool.

Anyway, Kaladin tells her his story--everything, including Amaram. Why not? They were about to die anyway. And she tells him that she killed her father, and about her own breaking; Kaladin realizes how lucky he was that his family loved him. 

Shallan was not that lucky. 

And Kaladin also realizes that he must have killed Helaran, which hurts. Anyway, Kaladin has a vision of the Stormfather in the storm and gets chewed the fuck out for killing Syl. 

Back to Dalinar. Amaram is trying to get him to make an agreement with Sadeas of some sort. Bull fucking shit. Shut the fuck up, Amaram. And then they get the message that Kaladin came out of the chasms. 

Dalinar runs the entire way there. 

He’s such a good dad. 

Aaaand he finds it hard to get through because so much of Bridge Four is already there. They know their Captain. And Kaladin fucking brought back the gemheart as well, of course. 

“Yeah, we took care of that for you, sir.” fuckin hell Kaladin. 

Shallan lies and says it was already dead, Kaladin agrees, Dalinar notes that Kaladin is a shit liar. 

And Navani has warmed up to Shallan enough to run over to her and mother hen her hardcore. I don’t think she wanted to lose another young scholar. 

Anyway, Dalinar asks if Kaladin was what he was looking for, and Kaladin denies it--he says he might have been, but not now. Dalinar also notes that Kaladin is a hero again. 

Also wow, looks like Amaram just vanished, what a surprise, looks like he can’t stand the sight of a certain slave being a hero, huge surprise there, i’m shocked

Also Pattern eavesdropped on Dalinar and Navani and offers to reproduce the sound of them kissing and Shallan is like. You know what. no. no thanks pattern. maybe not. 

Also Adolin shows up and just hugs Shallan a lot, and then she kisses him. Nice. He also said that he would protect her and not let anything bad happen to her--which causes her to freeze up. 

Last person who did that was her father. Don’t try to hide her away, Adolin, she murdered the last man who did that. 

And Shallan also convinces them not to take the parshment with them, which was A Good Call because the parshendi are calling down the everstorm and all those parshmen would go stormform. 

Aaaand that ends Part Four! 

[preservationandruin]

Words of Radiance Part 2

Viewpoints here are a weirder spread--Shallan, Kaladin, Adolin, and Sadeas. Not sure how long this will take me to get through or how many sub-parts the liveblog is gonna be, so bear with me!

Shallan takes control, Kaladin tries to work with what he has and meets a worldhopper, Renarin jumps off a roof, and people talk way too much about Amaram for either my or Kaladin’s liking. 

Epigraphs here are snippets of the Listener songs, which is probably why we had to get the Eshonai chapters first--so we could tell what they were talking about. In any case, Shallan is travelling with Tvklav’s crew--who I’m pretty sure are coincidentally the slavers who sold Kaladin. Because sometimes I feel like Sanderson’s world operates on the Dickensian premise of “everyone knows each other by coincidence.” Shallan is curious about the Frostlands’ natural vegetation. She also tries having conversation, but it doesn’t really work, in party because (rightly, given the situation) people don’t trust her.

We also learn that Jasnah kept, in her personal trunk, a drawing that Shallan had done of her. Shallan ends up mourning both Jasnah and the fact that all of her sketchpads--something she dismisses, but essentially her life’s work--are gone as well. 

More sketches--this time of various fighting stances. Nazh has written that he had to steal the scroll these were on and that the bottom half was eaten by an axehound. Nazh leads an interesting and fraught life. 

Cut to Adolin talking to his blade, something I still think might be significant. At the very least, I hope that spren can hear him and takes some comfort from having a human talk to them and trust them? We also get the story that nobody took Adolin seriously and that the guy he won the Blade from wanted to duel Adolin to embarrass Dalinar. Didn’t quite work that way. The Plate Adolin got from his mom’s side. Also, Adolin refusing to name his Blade is also important. Also, this: “I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I know you’d do it for anyone who held you, but I still appreciate it. I...I want you to know: I believe in Father. I believe he’s right...” 

Okay, I know I’ve gone on about Edgedancer Adolin before, but one of the things for the Edgedancers definitely seems to be paying attention to the people and things people take for granted. Like, say, the fact that your shardblade fights with you. 

Anyway, immediately after that we get the fact that Adolin can’t fucking read, not even glyphs. Navani voice: please get married so that I stop worrying about you not being able to fucking read. Also, Adolin is worried because they haven’t heard anything from Jasnah’s ship--WITH GOOD REASON. Also, Adolin insists that breaking up with Danlan wasn’t his fault--apparently she’d been saying something to her friends--but given that it’s Adolin it’s kind of hard to tell. 

Also, Renarin and Adolin run through Adolin’s list of good-luck charms for duels---talk to the sword, eat chicken before you duel, wear mother’s chain--and Navani is skeptical and the boys are Highly Indignant that Navani is skeptical. Also also, Adolin likes pissing off the guards because he doesn’t like Kaladin--thinks something is “off” about Kaladin. As always, he’s not wrong. But he is being petty. 

And then Adolin just crushes the other dude because he’s Adolin Kholin. He beats him so badly that the judge tries to stop them, but Adolin points out he didn’t break any rules. On the other hand, this probably didn’t endear Adolin to people--meaning that they were more likely to let slide that fucking 4-on-1 that Sadeas attempts later. Renarin thinks it was awesome, and Adolin gives him the blade. Which, uh, I mean, from Adolin’s point of view it was the best thing to do, but reading this again a) Renarin is notably hesitant to take the blade (Glys talking to him?) and also grimaces when he takes it and holds it (it’s screaming). But, unlike Dalinar or Kaladin later, he keeps holding it. 

Also, Adolin’s brutality here wasn’t planned, it was just something that happened and that he’s confused about later, feeling drained. He did get the Thrill. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but it might not be good. 

Back to Shallan, where she’s using Pattern to spy on the slavers to try to figure out how to deal with them. She also notes that these people don’t treat her like a real person, but instead as a means to an end, much like Kabsal, and she loses a bit of her temper and also mildly terrifies Tvklav. She realizes that Tvklav and the others don’t know she’s a timid rural lighteyes, and she also realizes that she can make them see her in certain ways, not just by copying Jasnah. 

Honestly, this entire trip to the Shattered Plains does a lot more for Shallan’s lightweaving than studying with Jasnah, I think. Nothing like being thrown into a fire to teach you to deal with it? Anyway, the deserters show up, and we cut over to Kaladin. The lighteyes sparring grounds is somewhat disappointing to the bridgemen, who expected something cooler. 

Also, Kaladin is plotting to kill Amaram already, which is THE MOST RELATEABLE but also not good for his oaths i guess. Anyway, Kaladin and the gang with him are supposed to be protecting the Kholin bros while they’re training, they get some backsass from Ardents, Kaladin backsasses back, and it works out. Kaladin is also left standing with Moash, which...okay, knowing where Moash’s character arc goes, I’m just going to be side-eyeing him the whole book, I apologize. We get a note that the numbers are still appearing--honestly Dalinar tell Kaladin it’s probably someone in there already so he stops panicking over intruders--and Kaladin starts getting irritated about Dalinar and Amaram again and Syl makes him admit that he does know that Dalinar, at least, is honorable. Amaram just has him fooled. 

Also, Kaladin is backsassing Adolin, and uses “Brightlord” for him--the title used for people he doesn’t respect as much. Adolin says that the only reason he hasn’t thrown Kaladin through a window is because he owes Kaladin his life. Renarin is just standing there, being awkward, holding his Blade--he had to hold that thing for five days. Yikes. 

Anyway, Syl doesn’t like the brothers, but only because they carry Shards (I hope. They’re good boys Brent). And we run into Vasher--I mean, Zahel, but it’s Vasher. Also, Adolin waited to bring Renarin until he knew Zahel was there so he could pressure Zahel into taking Renarin under his wing, and Syl drops the fact that she’s a tiny piece of a god, although it’s unclear how seriously Kaladin takes that. Back to Shallan, who is covering anxiety about the deserters with scholarship. She also sketches Bluth here--first a more true to life version, and then an idealized one with him in a proper uniform with a good weapon. Pattern asks about why people shit and Shallan does not want to be having that conversation. Pattern also says that Shallan--and presumably this is a Lightweaver thing--lives lies to make herself strong, but must speak truths to progress. 

Back to Kaladin, who’s talking with Lopen. Also, Kaladin uses the word “greenvines” to mean new recruits. And there’s another highstorm coming--meaning Kaladin is paranoid about the numbers again. Also they watch Adolin training, and we get this absolutely amazing exchange: 

“I’ve seen him summon that weapon before.”  “Yeah, gancho, on the battlefield, when we saved his sorry ass from Sadeas.”  I LOVE LOPEN. Also, Renarin’s training is beginning--he hasn’t been trained to fight, so there aren’t any bad habits for him to unlearn. And also this is the part where Zahel just tells Renarin to jump off the roof a bunch of times and also uses idioms that make absolutely no sense translated literally in Rosharan. Example: “I’m old, son. Repeating myself makes me eat the wrong flower.” I’m sorry Zahel that literally just sounds like a shitpost. 

And then Kaladin and Zahel have a conversation while, in the background, Renarin is throwing himself off a building again and again. Fun digression story, this part reminds me of a story from my mom’s family? She had 8 brothers and little to no parental supervision so some hijinks went down including the boys, at one point, deciding to play “who can jump off the highest object” which ended in the youngest jumping off the shed and breaking his leg. Don’t do these things unless you’re in Shardplate, kids. Kaladin discredits how well Renarin will do, but Zahel’s got a better idea of it. 

And also Zahel starts berating Kaladin for some of his nonchalance--like assuming he knows how to fight Shardbearers just because he got lucky against two. It’s turning into Sparring Bantertime. And then Adolin makes the mistake of further antagonizing Kaladin, they get in a fight, and Zahel calls Adolin the fuck out for challenging someone without shardplate when Adolin is in Shardplate because what the actual fuck, you could kill people. Zahel also says that Kaladin reminds him of Adolin, to which Kaladin Is Very Offended, and Zahel starts laughing at him. Kaladin also notes that the stormlight drained from him, and Syl points out that he wasn’t protecting anyone. 

Shallan flashback time--we get the fact that when Shallan thinks about her mother her brain shuts down. She also hasn’t spoken for five months, apparently--since her mother was killed. Helaran gives Shallan a drawing pad and charcoals and says that he needs her to come back because he’s going to be gone for a few years, and he’s worried about the others. And of course what Shallan automatically draws is the murder scene, which worries Helaran as well and he tells her to draw safe things instead of dwelling on the past. Shallan spoke for the first time in months to stop Helaran from killing their father. And Shallan sees her father in a furious rage, but he stops himself before he hurts her. I still wonder--did he just care about her more, or was he scared of her abilities and didn’t want to provoke them? Well, there’s not much way to know now. 

Shallan, again. The listener song quoted here does mention artform as a thing that exists. Anyway, we’ve just run into Shallan taking control of her caravan and leading them down to help another group against the bandits, because we’ve hit another moment where Shallan’s back’s against the wall and she becomes certain--and flat-up offers the deserters redemption if they help her help the other people. The leader doesn’t listen, but the others--including Gaz, everyone runs into everyone else out on the Shattered Plains, huh--do. Another new Listener form is mentioned--meditationform, meant for teaching and consolation, used by the gods for lies and desolation. 

Also, we meet Tyn here. Also, the leader of the deserters--Vathah--attempts to threaten Shallan, and Pattern spooks the living shit out of him by saying “you should let her go” while Shallan pretends to hear nothing. Also, Shallan frees Tvklav’s slaves, including using the line “I saved your life, you oily little man.” And Shallan also sees that the caravan survivors burned a prayer of thanks for the deserters who saved their lives, which is great. 

Back to Kaladin. Also, the listener song mentions stormform here, including the phrases “beware its powers” and “beware its end.” And it also says it “brings the gods their night.” So we’re getting heavy hints that stormform is really bad news. Also, Kaladin sees a red light out in the highstorm and thinks it looks like eyes. Creepy. Adolin is looking at fashions, Renarin is stimming, Elhokar is fretting. Kaladin is trying to unobtrusively be nosy. 

Also, Renarin geeks out about fabrials to Kaladin, and Kaladin wonders why Adolin is looking at fashion and Adolin gets defensive. No numbers appear--probably because Renarin is in a room with other people the whole time. Adolin mentions that the only Shardbearer in Sadeas’ camp other than Sadeas is Amaram, Dalinar jokingly comments that Adolin won’t be dueling him, certainly, while I am in the background yelling “KICK HIS ASS, ADOLIN! KICK HIS MISERABLE ASS!” 

Anyway now they’re talking more about Amaram. Can we stop talking about Amaram. You’re not going to get him to secede from Sadeas’s side. He’s a piece of shit. Kaladin also notices that when people mention Amaram, he gets upset and tense, UNDERSTANDABLY. 

And so Kaladin goes to tell Dalinar about Amaram, and Dalinar points out that Kaladin doesn’t have any proof. Syl is optimistic, saying that Dalinar listened--and she’s actually right in the end, Syl is always right, she’s the best--but Kaladin says that he didn’t. Syl is also very upset at the thought of Kaladin “finding his own justice,” as he puts it, and points out that this is not what he’s supposed to be like as a Windrunner. 

Also, Shen confronts Kaladin--which is an early sign that Shen is not a normal Parshman--and says that he isn’t really treated as Bridge Four, and that he’s basically still a slave, and Kaladin can’t argue with that and hates it. And then one of the palace guards runs in, panicking, and I’m pretty sure this is the Szeth attack. 

Listener song talking about “Nightform” which apparently predicts the future--there is the whole “Voidbringers see the future” thing. In any case, the “attack” was someone sabotaging the railing and balcony where Elhokar stands. Kaladin points out that whoever tried it was an idiot--or, more precisely, a coward, if they’re the same person who was behind the drained stormlight in the Plate. They want to make Elhokar’s death look like an accident, but they tipped their hand here--because the only tool that could have cut away at the balcony like that was a Shardblade. Kaladin also swears, here, that Dalinar can trust him--one half of the conflicting oaths that tear him apart in this book. Dalinar also assumes that bridgemen have no part in warcamp politics, which is...a bit naive. Kaladin does, as does Moash--lighteyes can engender deep antagonism in darkeyes without realizing. 

I’ll cut this here and get the rest of Part Two in another post.