#we learn what dalinar did and im sorry i asked

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog, Part Three: Chapters 68-76

I’m not sure where half of these plotlines are going, but I’m intrigued! That’s how it always seems to go with these stories, isn’t it? 

Shallan goes out for lunch with a bard, Kal makes some friends, we meet Highmarshal Azure and I fall in love instantly, Dalinar has flashbacks, Shallan is having some identity trouble, and Dalinar burns a scar into Alethi history, and I cut this off because I’m legitimately too nauseous to keep reading. 

So Shallan and Wit are going to go out to eat. Not a sentence that I expected to write, but here we are. Apparently Wit promised the owner that he would draw patrons, and not only was bullshitting (of course) but also is now trying to use Shallan as proof he did what he said. He also lifted her purse at some point. Shallan is so confused. 

Wit is such a fucking bard. 

As he ushered her in, he raised a fist toward the innkeeper. “I’ve had enough of your oppression, tyrant! Secure your wine this evening, for the revolution will be swift, vengeful, and intoxicated!” Closing the door behind him, Wit shook his head. “That man really should know better by now. I have no idea why he continues to put up with me.” 

I mean, I’m not wrong. 

Shallan asks if he’s a Herald; he replies no, because “the last seven times” he tried to get involved in religion were all disasters. 

“I believe there’s at least one god still worshipping me by accident.”

The worst thing is, this is probably true. He reveals to Shallan that he’s far, far older than the Heralds, and notes that when he was young, he made a vow to “always be there when he was needed” but has realized that he should have been way more specific, because “there” is usually somewhere useless. 

Shallan and Wit are great snark companions, though. Shallan has to break the news to him that Sadeas is dead. 

“Someone offed old Sadeas, and I missed it?” ���What would you have done? Helped him?”  “Storms, no. I’d have applauded.” 

Adolin has unknowingly gained a fan. 

Anyway, Wit knows which spren is in the palace--it’s called the Heart of the Revel, and it’s dangerous; it reminds Wit of something he used to find, and he tells Shallan she’ll need to bring food for their revels to get in. The Heart of the Revel seems to spur on hedonism. 

...it may have been controlling Aesudan for far longer, now that I think about it, and only awoke to full power with the Everstorm. Only Rei-Shephir was bound, after all. 

Also Wit stole some of Shallan’s money. Of course. 

Over to Kaladin! He tries Lashing, and notes that it seems to attract the shrieking spren. Kal also approves of the Voidbringer’s spear--it’s a good one for battle. Lightweaving, being “quiet” (according to Pattern) doesn’t attract them, but actively Lashing does--although just holding stormlight does not. 

Makes sense that fucking with gravity would be “loud,” though. 

“A party,” Kaladin said, pacing back and forth in the tailor shop’s showroom. Skar and Drehy leaned by the doorway, each with a spear in the crook of his arm.  “This is what they’re like,” Kaladin said. “Your city is practically burning. What should you do? Throw a party, obviously.” 

I’m with Kaladin on this one. First of all--the palace is inhabited by a spirit of hedonism called the Heart of the Revel and you throw a party? Second of all, this is high-quality “Nero fiddles while Rome burns” action happening. 

Drehy and Skar point out that it’s sort of like going out drinking during war, which is a good point, but still. 

[Casper gestures furiously toward the giant evil party spren in the castle while making a noise like a boiling teakettle]

Anyway, Adolin got a new outfit! Kal gives his opinion: 

“You look like you tripped and fell into a bucket of blue paint,” Kaladin said, “then tried to dry off with a handful of parched grass.” 

“And you look like what the storm leaves behind,” Adolin said, passing by and patting Kaladin on the shoulder. “We like you anyway. Every boy has a favorite stick he found out in the yard after the rains.” 

Adolin also has started to call Kaladin Kal. He also talks to Skar and Drehy and get their requests for food he can steal from the lighteyes’ table. I’m so glad that Adolin gets along well with Bridge Four now. He also offers to take them drinking the next day--apparently the three of them have gone drinking a few times since the pair of them stopped Adolin’s ass from falling in a chasm at the end of Words of Radiance. 

Anyway, we get that Kaladin doesn’t like lightweaving over his face--because it feels like lying to him, which makes sense. Interestingly, if you put all the orders in a circle, windrunners and lightweavers are opposites. I know this is news to nobody ok. 

Also, summoning the Sylblade doesn’t draw screamers, so at least Kal has that to fall back on. 

He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in darkness, and always would be.  Why was it so hard to remember? Did he have to keep slipping back down? Why couldn’t he stay up here in the sunlight, where everyone else lived? 

THIS IS A BIG MENTALLY ILL MOOD Y’ALL. Like, god, if that isn’t the story of my life. 

C’mon, Kal, we can do it. 

Anyway, Adolin notices that Kaladin is upset, and drops back to talk with him. They discuss whether or not Kaladin should train in side sword, then--

“Maybe I’m one of those punchy guys.”  Adolin stopped in place and grinned at Kaladin. “Did you just say ‘punchy guys?”’ “You know, ardents who train to fight unarmed.”  “Hand to hand?” “Hand to hand.”  “Right,” Adolin said. “Or ‘punchy guys,’ as everyone else calls them.”  Kaladin met his eyes, then found himself grinning back. “It’s the academic term.”  “Sure. Like swordy fellows. Or spearish chaps.”  “I once knew a real axalacious bloke,” Kaladin said. “He was great at psychological fights..”  “Psychological fights?”  “He could really get inside someone’s head.” 

This is too good for me to leave it out look at these pun idiots making jokes at each other. Anyway, Adolin is really excited about possibly teaching Kaladin sword, and also points out to be a good warrior he’s going to need to learn how to fight all kinds of people--and the best way to know how to do that is to practice with their weapons himself. 

When I was imprisoned for daring to accuse Amaram, he was the only lighteyes who stood up for me.  Adolin Kholin was simply a good person. Powder-blue clothing and all. You couldn’t hate a man like him: storms, you kind of had to like him. 

As I’ve said before: this is the good Kaladin and Adolin content I love to see. Shippy or not, it’s just good content. 

Anyway, Kal feels sick at the idea of going into the non-noble lighteyes’ tent like he’s supposed to, so he borrows a spear and decides to walk the block. Kal goes over to the wall, and Shallan’s illusion over his brands has dropped. It might just...work less well on Kaladin? 

Anyway, there are apparently free meals for deserters. He heads over and decides to talk to them to get his information on this Azure. 

The epigraphs from the gems are mentioning something called “the Sibling” that has withdrawn some from them. 

Anyway, Kal’s with the Wall Guard now. He also notes that he’s been spoiled by Rock’s cooking. Anyway, the state of the men speaks well in Kal’s mind of Highmarshal Azure, who he assumes is some midrank officer thrust into power by the chaos. 

Kal tells the basic truth about his shash brand--got in a squabble with Amaram, who killed some of his men. The sergeant keeps trying to recruit him, and Azure apparently has a Shardblade. 

And then Azure appears and I shriek, because she’s a lady. 

fuck YES. I feel like Eowyn is an appropriate reaction image. 

She’s orange-eyed, with short hair; she wears her Blade and doesn’t dismiss it, but it looks like a Shardblade. Weird. Anyway, have I mentioned that I’m perpetually gay for women and swords? Because I’m in love with Azure now. 

Anyway, she takes Kaladin up to the top of the barracks. Apparently it’s a “secret” that she’s female, despite her, well, obviously being female. Well, if that’s what it takes for the Alethi to rationalize it. She says that the wall is redemption--they’re the only thing between the Voidbringers and the people, and she trusts that Kaladin will be back to help eventually. Anyway, Kaladin suspects that she is a Radiant--which she honestly sounds like. 

Back to the Blackthorn, eleven years ago, in case seeing a female possibly-radiant being badass made you think everything wasn’t shit. 

Dalinar’s sent Adolin back to Kholinar, and has his forces attacking from the west while Sadeas’ attack from the east and have I mentioned that I do not trust any plan that a) has already been foreshadowed to end badly and b) involves both Blackthorn Dalinar and Sadeas in the same area? 

Anyway, Dalinar notes that Evi is being the “perfect Vorin wife” and that she’s so clearly miserable that it’s crushing him. Hey, bright idea, asshole--tell her she doesn’t have to and actually support her for once. Just saying. 

He notes that this is the first time an argument has bothered him this much. Maybe it’s because she made good points that you can’t dismiss by hitting things with a sword, Dalinar. Maybe you’re actually feeling guilt. Consider that. 

Anyway, he goes to talk to her. Evi says that she was praying for Dalinar’s heart to soften--not for her sake, but for the men he was riding out to kill. 

“I hate what this does to you,” she said softly. “I see beauty in you, Dalinar Kholin. I see a great man struggling against a terrible one. And sometimes, you get this look in your eyes. A horrible, terrifying nothingness. Like you have become a creature with no heart, feasting upon souls to fill that void, dragging painspren in your wake. It haunts me, Dalinar.” 

It seems a lot to me like Evi--coming from a culture where the Thrill isn’t normal--has a much clearer view of it than any of the Alethi. She sees it as the monster it is. She asks Dalinar to hold back, saying that his mercy against Tanalan--the boy--before was a sign of humanity, not a mistake. She asks him not to “feed it”--feed the darker version of him. Feed the thrill and, by extension, the Unmade that controls it. 

God, the thrill is toxic and awful. The more we see its effects, the more it makes my skin crawl. And it’s so normalized. 

Anyway, Dalinar notes that many of the men do see the Thrill as something external to them, a companion, which isn’t creepy at all. A silent companion with you always, rewarding you with euphoric highs when you slaughter people? One so regular that not feeling it is seen as strange? 

This is horrifying. It blatantly rewards slaughter and viciousness--and explains why Alethi culture is so combat-driven and violent. They’re all trained to think that this druglike high is the best reward possible, the most normal reaction to battle. 

Does Dalinar forget, sometimes, that it almost made him kill his brother? 

Dalinar asks to walk with Tanalan, reminding him that the last time they met, Dalinar should have killed him, and didn’t. Tanalan agrees; Dalinar compliments his forces, saying it will be a pity to kill them, and Tanalan asks if he can. 

Dalinar points out that he has never lost a battle. 

“My brother attempted words and politics to bring you into line,” Dalinar said. “Well. I’m good at only one thing. He builds. I destroy. But because of the tears of a good woman, I have come--against my better judgement--to offer you an alternative.” 

A great man battling a terrible one. That’s really the story of Dalinar. This time, it seems that for a moment, the great man won. 

Tanalan doesn’t accept the parlay, of course, but he says that it could have been a trap--one decided to catch the traitor, who, he says, was Sadeas. 

I wholeheartedly believe that. 

Anyway, Dalinar decides he’s going to check this out, following the caravan that they missed leaving Rathelas. I hope this works. I hope it works so, so much. 

Back to Shallan. 

Veil says that the city has a heartbeat, one she can hear when she closes her eyes. She’s investigating a noble house--but her illusions and roles are getting to her more and more. That’s alarming. For a moment, she even refers to the actual lady of the house as “an inferior version” and considers taking her place, and hurriedly drops the illusion. 

That’s very not good. 

“Sorry,” Veil said, grabbing a sack of grain. “That woman’s head is a frightening place.”  “Well, I did say Nananav is notoriously difficult.”  Yeah, Veil thought. But I was talking about Shallan. 

ANYWAY. They were doing a Serious Food Heist, but are about to get caught and thus are sprinting out of there. They nearly get caught, and Shallan makes herself look like a horrifyingly melting Nananav, who then gets shot in the head. 

YIKES. 

The stormlight healed the crossbow bolt inside her head holy fuck, so she needs to pull it out. She’s starting to worry Vathah. Anyway, Shallan asks the kid she gave food to earlier if there’s other people who need it, and gets the name of a seamstress, some refugee kids, and a cobbler, and she gives it to them. Veil likes doing things, helping people. 

Over to Kaladin. He seems to be back in the barracks, and one of the soldiers--who tells tall tales--is saying he met the Blackthorn. He’s officially joined the Guard, because Elhokar asked him to, and almost seems to be making friends there. Anyway, the guard sees and shit-talks Adolin a little, and we get that Kal is shit at acting lighteyed. 

“But,” Kaladin said, “how can you say that? I mean, he’s lighteyed. Like us.” He winced. Did that sound fake? it sure is nice being lighteyed as I, of course, has light eyes--like you, my eyes are lighter than the dark eyes of darkeyes. 

I’m fucking wheezing. And Kaladin is legitimately wanting to defend Adolin Kholin and his stupid bright clothes. 

Side note, everyone uses he/him pronouns for Azure. I’m not sure if that’s the soldiers just doing it because it’s weird using she/her for a general, or if that’s what Azure actually uses? I’ll try to use “they” to be safe until I get an actual verdict on that one. 

Anyway, their shardblade doesn’t have a gem on it, which is one reason Kal thinks they’re a Radiant. He notes that if they have Soulcasting, that would explain why the screamers haven’t come, although it looks like they do have a soulcaster. 

Although--they can’t have soulcasting. We know that Jasnah at the moment is the only Elsecaller, and Azure doesn’t seem like a Lightweaver. A Lightweaver would be wearing a disguise. 

Apparently, if you get too close to the Palace Guard, you hear whispering voices telling you to join them, but according to Azure they can’t get you if you don’t listen. Beard, as a side note, seems to be a Rosharan atheist. Kal seems less certain. 

Kal immediately starts acting as a commander when there’s an alert and then sheepishly realizes he’s not a commander. He’s also not used to forces that actually have surgeons. 

Back over to Veil. In the epigraphs,  we get the melancholy musings of a Windrunner as they leave Urithiru: 

Today, I leaped from the tower for the last time. I felt the wind dance around me as I fell all the way along the eastern side, past the tower, and to the foothills below. I’m going to miss that. 

Veil is starting to regularly supply food to some people, when she can. People are calling her the Swiftspren--a Robin-Hood-esque figure robbing the rich, uncatchable because she’s a spren. White hat, white coat, looking and acting different sometimes. She knows she’s thinking too small-scale--but still, it’s something she can actually do. 

She gives herself the illusion of being a cultist herself, but as Swiftspren--a beautiful glowing arrowhead, golden-tasseled with arrowhead designs. And, maybe, gets a little too far into it, because she hears what they hear whispering, and it calls her by name. 

So she stops, still looking like an actual spren, and changes the chanting. 

“There are spren,” Shallan said to the gathered crowd, using Lightweaving to twist and warp her voice, “and there are spren. You followed the dark ones. They whisper for you to abandon yourselves. They lie.”  The cultists gaped.  “We do not want your devotion. When have spren ever demanded devotion? Stop dancing in the streets and be men and women again. Strip off those idiotic costumes and return to your families!”  They didn’t move quickly enough, so she sent her tassels streaming upward, curling about one another, lengthening. A powerful light flashed from her.  “Go!” She shouted. 

She’s still shaken by how quickly their thinking wormed its way into her head. 

Anyway, Elhokar says that the pattern on her skirt--which is Pattern--is familiar. We get that Elhokar’s son will be three now, and he’s so concerned. Shallan gets her sketchbook. It’s him kneeling, beaten down, but he’s looking up. He looks regal. 

She gives it to him, and he’s almost in tears. And finally, Shallan gets a note--from the Cult. 

Man, a lot is happening. Shallan is losing herself. Elhokar seems to be finding himself. Kaladin is working with the guard. Kholinar is still choking to death on its own secrets. 

And, of course, we go eleven years ago, to Dalinar hunting down the team from the traitor highprince; he’s brought his elites. Unfortunately, the idea that Sadeas betrayed them--it gives him the Thrill, pumping it through him. He thinks it gives him focus. 

I doubt that. Anyway, he was drawn into a ravine, and just as he realized that none of it made sense--why would they wear Sadeas’ colors if they were a secret envoy, their uniforms are wrong--the ravine lip collapses into a landslide. For the second time, the Rift uses its own land against him. He survived--barely. 

But it was a trap. Designed to draw him in and crush him. The men are trying to dig him out--because he has Plate and Blade. They rush him, and he sees only red--and comes back to himself pounding a man’s head against the stones repeatedly. There is an entire pile of men lying behind him. The gemstone on Oathbringer cracked; he can’t dismiss it normally and,  uh, I just want to re-state, there is a pile of corpses of men he killed behind him. 

Evi looks at him, and she goes pale. She’s terrified of him, how he looks now. He made it back, barely. Evi tells him to rest, to sleep, to think. Sadeas tells him to push on now, to punish them. 

A great man fighting a terrible one, and we see who backs each side. Sadeas was always a terrible influence on Dalinar. 

“No, [make] oil. As much as we have gemstones for. Oh, and someone take my wife to her tent so she may recover from her unwarranted grief. Everyone else, gather round.” 

And we see which man wins, and it sure isn’t the great one. He’s going to torch the Rift. 

Oh, Dalinar. 

I’m glad that this is the third book, and we’ve had two books to learn to love him as he is now. I’m also glad that he didn’t remember this, that thinking about it gives him PTSD attacks, because I’m glad to know the man he has become would be as appalled by this as I am. 

Because if those weren’t true, I’d hate him. 

There’s a red mist clouding his vision. It won’t let him sleep. An envoy comes to fly the flag of truce, and Dalinar says to shoot them dead. Sadeas approves, of course. 

This is the Dalinar Sadeas missed, isn’t it? The strong one. The one who he thought could help Alethkar. Sadeas missed and idolized this fucking monster. 

Dalinar is specifically misleading Gavilar to think that he’s still dead, so Gavilar can’t supercede his direct orders. He knows Gavilar wouldn’t let him torch the Rift. So he’s making sure Gavilar thinks he’s dead. 

Oh, and in case this scene could get any worse, guess who is of course with Sadeas’s army. 

Amaram turned from where he stood with the other generals. 

Of course Amaram is there. Of course he is. He isn’t even doing anything particularly bad, but it’s like Brandon went “oh, what could make this scene worse? I know. Putting Meridas Amaram in there.” 

God. Did Amaram learn his “do things for the greater good” mentality watching at Sadeas and the Blackthorn’s side? He very well could have. 

Tanalan is trying to save his family. He didn’t hide in the saferoom. 

Dalinar was going to call the attack off, but Sadeas reminded him that he set a battalion to kill anyone escaping. Thanks to Sadeas’ actions, there is no way to save the city. 

“At least this time you didn’t hide in your hole. I don’t know who you let take cover there, but know they are dead. I took care of that with barrels of fire.”  Tanalan blinked, then started laughing with a frantic, crazed air. “You don’t know? How could you not know? But you killed our messengers. You poor fool. You poor, stupid fool.”  Dalinar seized him by the chin, though the man was still held by his soldiers. “What?”  “She came to us,” Tanalan said. “To plead. How could you have missed her? Do you track your own family so poorly? The hole you burned...we don’t hide there anymore. Everyone knows about it. Now it’s a prison.” 

Oh god. Oh no, no, no, no, no. 

No. 

Evi defected to try to plead for mercy. Dalinar shot all the messengers. They imprisoned her in the safehouse. 

Dalinar burned his own wife to death, blinded by the Thrill. 

I. I have to cut this here. I’m legitimately nauseous and shaking. Damn it. Damn it. 

No. 

God, do Adolin and Renarin know? They can’t. They must think Evi was assassinated. They don’t know that their father burned their mother to death. 

I can’t think about this anymore or I will, actually, puke.