#assumed me to be nonbinary

[this-is-exorsexism]

acting like nonbinary passing is a thing forprivileged nonbinary people.

this is exorsexism.

nonbinary passing does not exist, for anyone. even if nonbinary is your only marginalised identity, no one is going to correctly assume that you are nonbinary in a society that doesn't recognise nonbinary people the same way it does men and women.

as a visibly disabled and fat enby, i've been excluded from gender and overly gendered by different people, and conventional androgyny doesn't represent me.

however, the nonbinary people who do have access to conventional androgyny, i.e. abled, thin, white nonbinary people, still don't have access to nonbinary passing - because no one does.

having your gender expression recognised isn't the same as having your gender recognised. like, at all. it's why feminine men aren't magically recognised as women and masculine women aren't magically recognised as men. the most androgynous nonbinary people only have the option to be seen as androgynous men or women, not as nonbinary. gender and gender expression are two different things and being able to express your gender how you want does not equal passing, especially when there is no such thing as passing for nonbinary people. most people don't even know nonbinary people exist. we cannot be seen as something that people don't know even exists, even if we starve ourselves and cure all our disabilities.

"the more privilege you have, the easier it is to pass as your gender" is only true for binary genders, i.e. genders that society actually recognises. no amount of privilege can undo the deep-seated nonbinary erasure that leads to our consistent misgendering.

multiply marginalised nonbinary people will experience exorsexism very differently from privileged nonbinary people, but no amount of privilege can make nonbinary passing a thing that exists. we need to talk about how marginalisations affect nonbinary experience without completely erasing a core part of exorsexist oppression that is universal to all of us.

acting as if nonbinary passing could be a thing for any nonbinary person in our current society is exorsexist in itself by dismissing the fact that nonbinarity itself is not recognised as a valid category by mainstream society.

[lolliepops-rox]

This is my petition for people who create pins/stickers/other things with "she/they" & "he/they" to also include "she/he". I'm kind of sick of being excluded, and I'm sure there are plenty of others who feel the same.

[beastwhimsy]

this would happen

[uncanny-tranny]

Quick tip: If a trans passing guide is focused on thinness, whiteness, or getting rid of anything about yourself that is "too clockable" (regardless of if that thing about yourself makes you happy), maybe it isn't worth fretting about, since it is clearly coming from a homogenized idea of what passing looks like

[sometimesraven]

on the subject of transphobia

can we stop fucking assuming that every nonbinary person is transmasc or transfemme?

this is the biggest peeve I have with this whole transmisogyny vs transandrophobia debate -- y'all are so busy arguing about transmasc vs transfemme and the nonbinary or intersex people who don't identify with either of those terms are completely left in the dirt

let's not create yet another binary, yeah?

[spartalabouche]

sometimes its really obvious how much people dont actually believe presentation=/=gender when they see their nonbinary friend go from extremely masculine to relaxing back into femininity once theyre comfortable with their gender and every time they call it detransitioning with zero indication thats what their friend is calling it. i dont know how to tell you this but sometimes you present a certain way for social reasons and not because thats how you actually feel. sometimes you experience dysphoria about your body that is actually related to how people view you and not how you feel about your body. i really dont think its that uncommon for trans people to swing really hard in one direction for the affirmation and then relax back into a different presentation once they are more comfortable in their gender

[khaire-traveler]

The gods are beautiful, and beauty has no gender.

[ickyguts]

so anyway I love these two dorks with all my heart

[redshoes-blues]

I’ve seen so many people saying that “of course the straight couple get the happy ending” (meaning ineffable bureaucracy), am I missing something? I thought Beelzebub was nonbinary ? Did I make this up in my head, or have people just forgotten because of the actor swap?

[peaceandlove26]

do you still consider yourself trans or not? sorry if this question is weird ive always been interested in how people view their gender :3

no its okay! i don’t consider myself trans anymore because i am not really changing anything about myself or wanting to be perceived in any way other than female. i don’t necessarily consider myself a woman, it’s silly but honestly “lesbian” is my gender haha

but i make the active decision to present as feminine even if whatever intrinsic homosexuality is in my body+mind causes me to constantly be perceived as trans by those who don’t know me LOL

[prince-liest]

How did you figure out you're aromantic?

Oh, god, what a short question for such a long process, hahaha. First off, didn't figure it out until recently, age 27, but here was the approximate (and very truncated in the amount of internal conflict and introspection involved) step-by-step process:

Figured out I was queer in high school because I felt the same way about women as I did about men! Spent about 5 years thinking I was bisexual.

Figured out that I'm not actually attracted to men when I read a post describing the experience of compulsory heterosexuality and related with it intensely, which was a very freeing experience. Spent 6 years thinking I was a (nonbinary) lesbian!

Hooked up at parties a couple of times out of curiosity and then took up my best friend's offer to fuck and realized that I got the same amount of skin-crawling distaste about that as I did about sexual contact with men, thus realizing I was ace.

Let that domino tip over into the, "Actually, identifying as gay has for a long time given me the same anxiety as I used to feel when I thought I'd have to date a man, and also I'm 27 years old and have never, ever actually wanted to date another human being. When people ask me what my ideal partner is like, I start listing off ways in which they should not bother me or demand my time or be part of my life. Maybe I just don't want... anyone." domino, and the subsequent "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date women)" euphoria was identical to the "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date men)" euphoria, so.

That's where I'm at!

I'm a generally introspective person, but I'm also really great at gaslighting myself into ignoring my own discomfort, so largely it's been, haha, a diagnosis of exclusion. First I excluded men, then the discomfort with women grew large enough that I was able to exclude them as well. Reading about other people's experiences and realizing where they paralleled my own was immensely helpful! So was being close friends with a very poly person who slowly and fully unintentionally changed my perspective on how I view relationships in a very poly-and-relationship-anarchy-as-default way, which incidentally is extremely compatible with aroace queerplatonic ideals and definitely softened me up to be ready to accept that particular realization.

Also, please let this be a sign that just because you identify with one "thing" doesn't mean that you're committing to it forever! <3

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

like god some people are obsessed with whether you’re a Vagina Trans or a Penis Trans and if you’re nonbinary they’re like “okay! we will assume!” and like this isn’t exclusive to any “group” of trans people I'm not happy with people categorising my experiences as transmasc or transfem based on what they assume is in my pants regardless of which one they choose or if it’s to paint me as an evil Other Trans or the safe Same Trans. i'm neither. it’s an issue with the whole trans community and it sucks. being asked to centre your entire identity on whether you’re a Vagina Haver or a Penis Haver is fucking weird. (not to mention excluding intersex people!!!) and whenever anyone brings it up they’re like “oh so you hate transmascs and or transfems?” like NO?? i do not hate a group bc i would like to not be forcibly categorised under one without my consent solely going by whether people think I have Vagina Energy or Penis Energy. i can relate a lot to both transfem and transmasc experiences but i'm neither of them. no matter what’s in my pants. when did the trans community get so obsessed with what’s in your pants it’s fucking wild.

[contagious-watermelon]

if i hear one more person unironically identifying themself as afab or amab I'm gonna start biting

[uncanny-tranny]

Important tip for trans men/transmascs/whoever needs the reminder: Even if you pass as a man to cis people, you still need to have either some form of self-protection on you (e.g., mace, knives (if you can use them effectively), ect.) or know some form of self-defense. Please take it from me, you don't know what will happen out there at any given time.

You might assume that if you pass as a cis man to cis people, you will be safe from any harm. While I wish that were true, it simply isn't the world most of us live in. Please do whatever you can to protect yourself out there.

[slyandthefamilybook]

asking people their pronouns is the bare minimum of trans acceptance and it's something we've had to drag cis people kicking and screaming into doing. where the fuck do you get off throwing all that progress out the window because you like it when people are mean to you actually

[thefleshyougoveggie]

getting correctly gendered by someone who doesn’t even know you’re trans is so euphoric to me