#assorted naruto bullshit

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #4

The Inuzuka Clan is actually very canine like. While Tsume comes across more wolfish, Kiba is much more like a fox. Hana is more like a domesticated dog.

The reason is because they used to be a barbarian, raiding Clan that would absorb other Clans and resources. They had the largest territory of the Clans during the Warring Era, bordering the Nara and Akimichi Clans’ territories (the Yamanakas lived up in the mountains).

The Nara and Inuzuka Clans are on extremely good terms. The Nara forest has a river that runs through it (it’s also the largest forest in the Five Great Nations’ map) that the allowed the Inuzuka Clan to ‘take over’. Really they were just there to maintain the land because the Nara are lazy bastards and can only care for so much land.

[c0rpseductor]

ok i am actually going to add up my score for that tiktok

+1 thirst trap merch, i've owned a few daki cases. haven't taken them outside of my house but i've posted silly pics of them online so i guess +1k for that. +1 because at one point in middle school i did watch a few episodes of hetalia, never got super into it though. +1 for naruto running and other assorted nonsense, +1k because yeah of course i did that in public with my shitty little weaboo friends. +1 for Random Cosplay For No Reason however i would not call roxas kingdomhearts "problematic." never senpai'd anyone. +1 for flirting with the idea of being a furry, +1k because i've definitely affectionately ribbed furries before. +1 +1k will not elaborate. +1 i was constantly drawing anime. +1k i definitely at some point got into an argument about anime being real art and if i didn't i would have bc i was always seething about it. +1 i was really mad.jpg as a kid about how anime =/= cartoons. +1 have definitely pulled the "i'm not an idiot with shit taste" card +1k was and am an idiot with shit taste. +1 wouldn't call visiting japan a "lifelong dream" but i would enjoy going there for a vacation or something. i do know more about japan than Anime Bullshit though. +1 definitely pulled the OTAKU NOT WEEB shit despite being a cringe fucking weeb.

so my cringe weeb score is like 6010 if i'm counting right (not trying that hard). i would say "wow you couldn't beat this out of me with a lead pipe" and close the new post window but come on. you already knew this because i'm a 26 year old tumblr user who knows what /mai/ is

[queernuck]

The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

[skinner17]

Dissecting Red Spider Arc-The arc that non shipper find it disturbingly (For those who mind) Shippy

I’ve been watching gintama for the past couple of weeks. And since lately I encounter sleeping problem, lets turn this energy to talk about one of my favorite arc. The controversial arc that invite polarized opinion among Gintama fans.

For  Tsukuyo fans, Red spider is a certain favorite together with Yoshiwara in flame and Courtesan of the nation.  This arc fleshed her background and deepen her bond with yorozuya, especially Gintoki

For casual fans, this arc is the first time they see a glimpse of gintoki past, The first time  gintoki in a berserk mode, the first time he act by his own volition. And somehow he appeared like a true shonen hero saving the heroine.

By then tsukuyo was far from heroine status. She just recently introduced a couple episodes back. Yoshiwara in flame focused more on Hinowa and seita story. But Tsukuyo already  rose in ranking because her unique character design (in sacchan word, she has a lot of ‘hooks’) aside being badass in general.

For naysayers, Red spider arc is that arc that destroy Tsukuyo character. Reduced her into damsel in distress, mere love interest and what not. Of course its people’s right to interpret a work however they see fit. People enjoying entertainment in a different way afterall. Maybe they are a strict feminist type who wanted a true xena like character?  disappointed when a strong female charachter ended up saved by the male hero? (Tho I wonder why they don’t care with preceeding events where Tsukuyo saved gintoki a couple of time)  

The other would say this arc is such a big jump from previous arcs. A sudden transition they would say. And heck they’re right. Red spider arc  Is different compared to other serious arc before it.  Its lustrously dark, whispery,  not much emphasis on family nor comedy, not much explosion nor machismo.

And more importantly, its uncharacteristically Intimate.  

What do you expect? It took placein Yoshiwara-The Red light District- afterall.

The curtain raised with Jiraiya, the ex teacher of Tsukuyo, the main villain of this arc, On his post coital glow pondering about his object of creation. After enjoying the service of yoshiwara, He looked at the moon and probably feeling another rush of excitement reminiscing his dear beautiful student and the plan he’d set for her.

Not long after, Tsukuyo feel someone dangerous infiltrating her city. She and her Hyakka squad has been working hard to push down the crime that on the rise after the city lost its night king. Nearing their limit, she turned to Yorozuya, wondering if they can help with the drug problem.

Somehow, Tsukuyo and Gintoki teamed up just the two of them investigating the shady group with spider tattoo trademark. The result was assortment of classic romantic comedy skit : To-Love-Ru type of ‘accident’ and pretend couple.

Ok at this point its just natural that people start to see the two as potential couple. When they bicker they’d scream their heart silly, forgetting  whatever  adult persona they had in mind. Yet when the time come, they play along really well with the others bullshit act. They are on the same frequency already.

Back to the story, Later, they found out the drug lord is Jiraiya who apparently the long dead master (teacher who take care of  protegee under their wing) of Tsukuyo. With his unique ability he nearly killed Gintoki and captured Tsukuyo.

Some Naysayers disappointed at this point because Tsukuyo who supposedly a good fighter became useless in front of jiraiya. Ok let me use this opportunity to explain the technicality of how that’s possible.

She was shocked.

It was a surprise attack

Jiraiya, knew his student fighting ability the best and knew how to immobilize her.

Even Gintoki Almost killed because of his weird technique

She used the last of her strength to saved gintoki from jiraiya’s final blow.

“Huh? But gintoki didn’t turned into a useless mess when he met his long dead master alive?”

Lol what are you smoking? The old master  would split gintoki’s head from his body if not because Kagura’s help.  Also Utsuro/Shouyo goal was to crushed the rebels and nothing to do with Gintoki. While Jiraiya’s goal was to capture Tsukuyo. Understand the difference?  

Ok now that its out of my system lets continue.

Later Gintoki learned about the nature of Jiraiya and what this student-master relationship actually are from Zenzou. She-who believed every word of him and followed his foot step- was his creation and his prey at the same time. This method is sickening for Gintoki who loved his master to death.

For Gintoki a master should be more or less like shoyo. Strong, kind, wise and selfless. The kind of sage who gave his life for his student. Its infuriating to learn that a good women like tsukuyo has a psychotic monster as a master.

“see..Its not because of Tsukuyo that gintoki willingly revert to his shiroyasa self. Its because the master-student thingie that made him mad af”

Was the stuff I read from naysayers.  And for this one, I kinda agree. The main thing that infuriate gintoki about Jiraiya was that he used  master student relationship for some psychotic goal. As we know later, whenever topic about his own master brought on, Gintoki turned into a different beast.

Even I can see this arc’s intent beside telling tsukuyo’s past and cementing her as one of the recurrent character was also to foreshadow  Shoyo related arcs in the future.

However among all of that baggage brought by this arc, theres this one dialogue that caught my attention.

G : "give up already, theres nothing in your web. This entire time there was only a pathetic little spider spinning thread into sky while gazing at distant moon"

J : "What are you babbling about?I already knew that long ago"

The ones who ascociate Tsukuyo with the moon are the one who cherish her like hinowa and the hyakka squad  or the bastard who obsessed at her like Jiraiya. It’s a secret nickname people gave to her beside Shinigami Tayuu / courtesan of death. Wt  

At that  moment, Gintoki  speak about what Tsukuyo is to Jiraiya existence : A moon to a little insignificant spider. This confirm that Gintoki understand Tsukuyo’s epithet-wich means at that point of story he is familiar toward  Tsukuyo more than the viewers aware of.

To add, This is probably just me but the way he said that stuff about Jiraiya, whispering  while gazing at the sky, as if its applied to him aswell.  

Well, I just think that because throughout the fight he keep rambling about being on the same level as Jiraiya.

G: Do you know how to survive the spider nest? By eating the spider.

G : She is stronger than you ever be. A coward like me is enough for a coward like you

To Fight Jiraiya, Gintoki  drew parrarel between himself and Jiraiya. And its not impossible that parrarel extended until that moment.    

I  came to the conclusion At that moment Gintoki  already  admire Tsukuyo. Wether  her virtue, her  face, her quirk  or her phisycal attractiveness, it could be anything. The fact is Tsukuyo basically embodies everything gintoki like in a women.   

However because of his mindset and his self sabotaging lifestyle, he understood Jiraiya’s point of view of admiring an existence that is too good for them.

The episode ended with Tsukuyo learning his master’s past  and accepting his flaw after killing him. The moment when Gintoki implied that he would never be a good student to their master as tsukuyo is pretty touching too.

The last episode of this arc is a short one with majorly comedic skits. Another To Love Ru accident. And  a classic wingman setup to force a couple to be alone together.

Lol too much couply stuff happening in this arc.

Later after the crazy terminator drunken stupor, Tsukuyo asked gintoki if she didn’t has this scar, would her life be any different?

At this point I realize the pain endured by her, even though she said she was fine, physically and mentally, she actually struggling with the realization that all her past was something different than she perceived to be, that rather than genuine student master relationship, its an elaborate plan by her master to kill himself.

Its like realizing that we are adopted after all this time living in a loving family. From the surface it might not changed anything because its all in the past, But it changed everything within. It changed the foundation  of what we stood upon all these time.

Gintoki then assured her that her life is one that she choose, No one make her choose that. wether it’s  driven by a psychotic manipulation or a trust in a teacher who wanted make her strong. The life is still hers to behold and cherish

Gintoki further assured that her face Is not ugly, Its pretty face carrying clean soul. Or something to that effect (since translation vary)

As you see “Soul” is the overarching concept on Gintama. Its like “Adventure” on One piece and “Hard Work” On Naruto. It’s the Idea that the shounen protagonist holds dear.  

Shoyo first teaching to Gintoki was  how to protect his soul. In the war Gintoki choose to kill Shoyo to save his master’s soul. Means he choose Shoyo over his friends and himself. In effect, one of the friend’s soul was corrupted. While Gintoki turned himself into a vessel  whose purpose was merely to protect people he deemed fit and procasinating on his own growth.

Gintoki speak about Tsukuyo’s soul in her face is another testament of how deep their trust and bond has formed. 

Even though Gintoki has innate ability to peek into the human character, its not his fashion to directly address it. He usually find a roundabout way to make the others understand that they are being understood. But with Tsukuyo, everything he do about her  is direct.

“Don’t be a stranger, Lean on me, laugh with me and cry with me. I’d be there, cry and laugh with you ” Said Gintoki to tsukuyo.

 The Gintoki who often avoid emotional baggage from a stranger.

In conclusion, Red Spider Arc is such an awesome arc. The vibe is cool, the soundtrack is awesome and its has an intense emotionally charged action.

It is also the breeding ground for gintsu shipper, wich probably gonna make some part of fandom upset. But it is what it is and we can just enjoy or choose not to.

[gunnerpalace]

Sorry to burst your bubble sweet heart but Bleach just got bought by Aniplex which means any new project will probably get a new studio/staff/TV Station. Guess there are people in Japan who gives shit about bleach despite the delusional claims from IR fandom .WDKALY was a best seller and so were the LN that came later on so I'm not surprised that we are getting an anime season after all ;).

Sure is interesting how none of y’all can cite or reference any actual industry information that’s actually in, you know, Japanese, and all of this keeps going back to a handful of random-ass English tweets. I mostly follow Star Wars production drama for fun, but at least the “Fandom Menace” on YouTube actually gets leaks from inside Lucasfilm and Disney.

You have what, exactly, MY UNCLE AT NINTENDO TOLD ME…? Yeah, but y’all have totally got it all figured it out way ahead of the “Lamestream Media,” right?

Here is an actual video on the subject created within the last day. Here is the industry news article it links to. Here is an actual quote from that article:

The staff for the AnimeJapan 2020 event announced on Monday that the event will host a stage presentation titled “Bleach 20th Anniversary Project & Tite Kubo New Work Presentation” on March 21.

What Tite Kubo is working on isn’t Bleach. It literally says “New Work.” As to what that Anniversary Project is? Who knows. You’ve literally got a splash image to work off of. That’s the grand total of what’s on the website. And every year, like clockwork, the Western fandom screams “It’s the anime coming back!” and every year, like clockwork, it doesn’t happen. But sure, maybe this time is different.

Maybe. But probably not.

I’ll tell you what is definitely bullshit though: your claim that "Aniplex bought Bleach.” According to whom? You got a source for that, cupcake? Beyond Jaymes Hanson’s fuckin’ Twitter account and fanboys, that is? 

It’s hilarious because the sum of Aniplex’s involvement with Bleach was distributing DVDs and music CDs.The major rights holders and producers of Bleach were TV Tokyo, Dentsu and Studio Pierrot, so Aniplex would’ve had to have bought out all three for a property it was barely involved with (and someone else already pointed this out on Twitter). Here’s what Aniplex has actually been up to (note that they are most often credited as “production” and “music production” on Bleach). Here is Aniplex’s actual website on Bleach, where the last news entry is from 2012. 

Interesting how there is nothing at all on either about them say, buying dead franchises and restarting them. Which is intriguing, because they did set up a Chinese studio, but it’s focused on properties that actually make money and aren’t financial suicide like FGO. (If any entity has actually been aggressive about trying to monetize Bleach in the past few years, it’s Viz Media.)

Like I implied above, literally the only source for this shit on the entire internet is Jaymes Hanson’s Twitter and the assorted toadies in his echo chamber who regurgitate the shit he says without thinking. Gee, I wonder what possible interest he might have in stirring the pot every single year about the anime coming back. It’s almost like he’s in dire straits after his YouTube channel got hacked and he’s desperate for attention or something.

So yeah, THE SUPER SECRET BLEACH ANIME RETURN THAT ONLY A RANDOM WESTERN WEEABOO AND NOT ANYONE IN THE ACTUAL INDUSTRY KNOWS ABOUT is definitely, 100%, absolutely and totally happening. I’m sure Jaymes found out about it while Naruto-running around Area 51, where Aniplex is animating and recording it in cooperation with the Grays and the Illuminati, to be distributed by FEMA and the Trilateral Commission.

You know what else is bullshit? Your assertion that WDKALY sold well. Here’s the light novel rankings from December 25, 2016 and from January 7, 2017. WDKALY came in at 14th with 9,176 unit sales in the former and 6th with 8,627 unit sales in the latter. Hey, 6th isn’t so bad, right? Look over at total unit sales. 36,366. A week later, as of January 15th, 2017, WDKALY had fallen back to 13th and sold a total of 41,654 copies, gaining 5,288 more. A week after that, as of January 22nd, 2017, WDKALY had completely fallen off the chart. So it was on the chart for 3 weeks.

Something like 50,000 copies of this book were sold on release, which is when the majority of sales happen. Try looking at 1st on January 7, 2017, which was the light novel of Kimi no Na wa with 1,350,349 sales. Suddenly, 50,000 copies doesn’t look very impressive, does it? In terms of total volume, WDKALY sold for fucking dogshit (because it is dogshit).

“Best seller,” huh? Interesting description! By that metric, I really am a Hugo Award winner and Time’s Person of the Year 2006.

So, in my capacity as a Hugo Award winner and Time’s Person of the Year 2006, allow me to summarize: you’re a fucking clown who’s about as informed on this topic as the average Midwestern Trump voter is about… well, anything. Kindly take this as an invitation to fuck right off out of my inbox.

[catprinx]

assortment of naruto bullshit, follow me on twitter for more naruto bullshit because we are all truly living our best lives in the 2018 naruto revival

[rhosinthorn]

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice?

‘I’m on a mission to find the best tasting pumpkin spice latte, want to join me?’

Sakura was rounding the corner of the student union when she heard the yelling.

“I’m on a mission to find the best tasting pumpkin spice latte!” a familiar looking upperclassmen was shouting from atop the chair dragged into the middle of the student union’s porch as others shuffled by as quickly as they could, averting their eyes. “Who wants to join me?”

Next to her, Sasuke hunched down even further in his sweatshirt, as if he was trying to disappear, tugging his hood up to cover his hair. “Why is it always me?” he groaned.

Snagging his sleeve before he could teleport away the way he always did when faced with uncomfortable situations, Sakura tugged him forward. “Come on grump,” she teased, heading for the doors of the student union. “You’ll be better once you’ve got some food in you.”

They had almost made it to the door when their luck ran out.

“Sasu-cakes!” Shisui crowed, abandoning his previous post in the center of the porch in favor of an easy victim. “I have a task for you!”

“No. No way, I have class.” Sasuke’s eyes were slightly wild, and his nervous twitch was back. Sakura had thought he had been trained out of it, but apparently one encounter with his cousin was enough to bring it back. “Find some other poor soul to be your victim.”

“But my little duckling,” Shisui wailed, draping himself all over his younger cousin, who froze immediately. “I need a buddy, and Itachi’s in class.”

“No.”

Before Shisui could throw a tantrum worthy of a three year old (Sakura knew he’d do it, she’d seen it before), Sakura intervened. “I’m free for the afternoon, so I’ll go with you,” she offered, conveniently leaving out the midterm she had the next day that she probably should be studying for. “Where do we start?”

“Here!” Shisui perked up immediately, abandoning Sasuke in favor of looping his arm through hers. “We’re starting with the Pit, and working our way around campus to finally finish up back here at Starbucks.”

Sasuke’s teeth grinding was almost audible as the trio made their way into the building.

He was still grinding his teeth as Shisui lounged in the chair next to him, rhapsodizing about the pumpkin spiced coffee clutched in his hand. Honestly, the elder Uchiha could put wine connoisseurs to shame, the way he talked about depth of flavor and notes...Sakura was almost impressed.

She’d be more impressed if she wasn’t constantly feeding Sasuke fresh chopsticks because he kept breaking them in irritation. Although, considering Shisui had been provoking him throughout the ten minutes they’d been seated, she was amazed those chopsticks hadn’t been used to stab someone.

Under the cover of the table, Sakura slid her phone out of her pocket and sent off a quick text.

[dr haruno] send sos 2 hot topic

[dr haruno] b4 he murders hamlet

It only took a quick second for it to vibrate in her hand, and she grinned as she saw the response.

[darwin award] kk

[darwin award] jailbreak 2 hard 2 arrange 2day

Half a second later, Sasuke’s phone, in clear display on the table, vibrated, and he lunged for it like a dying man to a life preserver.

“The idiot’s panicking over his calc exam,” he announced, already slamming the lid on his half-eaten fake chinese food and picking up his backpack. “I need to go rescue him before he jumps into the river.”

It wasn’t the best excuse either of them had ever come up with, but it worked. Before Shisui could really protest, Sakura was gathering her own garbage and motioning to Shisui. “Let’s head for the cafe in the library,” she suggested as Sasuke made his rapid exit. “I think they’ve got coffee and lattes, and I’ve been meaning to try their pumpkin chocolate chip bread.”

Obediently, Shisui allowed himself to be led away. “You made notes about what I was saying though, right?”

“Of course. What type of experiment would this be if it wasn’t properly recorded?”

The tables in the tiny cafe in the main library were crammed full of students panicking over midterms, so Shisui’s analysis of the coffee and latte that he had collected was witnessed by the crowd of desperate students filling the all-hours study space across from it.

On his thirteenth minute of lecturing, Sakura cast a wary glance at the students occupying the table across from them, several of whom looked suspiciously wired and as if they hadn’t left that table for three days, given the clutter, general unwashed appearance, and overall demeanor of a cornered wild animal. Given that they seemed about ready to let loose a hail of assorted school supplies if Shisui didn’t shut up, she escorted him quickly to the next location. Her biology professor was a hard-ass who would require her death certificate to allow her to retake the exam, and unfortunately, whatever the crazed students might do, it was improbable that they would manage homicide.

The cafe in the engineering building was much more secluded; most of the students cloistered in the adjacent computer labs with headphones, easily-portable snacks, and their own coffee makers in the room with them. Shisui was able to wax poetic about his latte in peace, as Sakura munched through her second slice of pumpkin-chocolate chip bread and made notes on Shisui’s oration while simultaneously running through her flashcards.

That is, until Shisui realized that he did not have her full attention and draped himself across her lap.

Startling in surprise, Sakura dropped her flashcards on his face, which was suddenly in her lap. The rest of him was sprawled out across the rest of the battered couch they had been sharing, and his latte had been set on the table in front of them. He was lucky that her legs, with her feet also on the table, had been pinned, so her reflexive twitch at finding him well inside her personal space hadn’t sent the drink flying.

“Sa-ku-ra,” he said, voice stretching out in a sing-song across the syllables of her name. “Are you paying attention to me?”

“You just said that this had less pumpkin and more cinnamon than the one at the library, but much less nutmeg than the one in the Pit, which is good because that one tasted like someone had dropped a bucket full of nutmeg in the coffee,” she recited dutifully, retrieving her flashcards. “See, I was listening.”

“But you were looking at something else,” Shisui wiggled as he whined, shifting his head to a more comfortable position on her thighs and relieving some of the pressure from where his shoulders had previously been. “I thought you liked spending time with me?”

The pout that followed should have been illegal for a fully grown twenty-something.

“Shisui,” Sakura began, trying to muster her resistance. “I do have an exam tomorrow, and as you can see, I am capable of multitasking.”

“But Sa-ku-ra,” he whined, commandeering her hand and placing it on his head. Obligingly, she ran her fingers through his hair. “I thought you wanted to spend time with me…”

Just then his phone beeped, and Sakura caught a glimpse of the screen as he pulled it out of his pocket.

[weasel] How’s your grand plan going? Has she hit you with anything yet?

Raising her eyebrow, Sakura glanced down at the Uchiha in her lap, who she was gratified to see looked somewhat sheepish.

“Tell him about the flashcards,” she recommended dryly, lifting his upper body just enough so that she could slip out from underneath him. “See if that gets you any sympathy. Ready to finish up at Starbucks?”

She should have expected that Starbucks would be the second most-crowded place on campus, given the proximity to midterms, but it at least allowed her to claim a comfortable armchair and keep an eye on the adjacent one while making Shisui wait in the line from hell. Spotting him sandwiched between a pair of sorority girls, who were busy making eyes at him and the frat boys in front of him, she delighted in the anguished look on his face.

Usually, he was probably one of the smoothest talkers on campus, able to charm, flatter, and cajole his way through any situation.

Stuck listening to trivial bullshit like the snippets she could hear, he seemed to be going slowly insane.

Serves him right, she thought with a smirk, reaching for her phone. Snapping a discreet shot of Shisui, she dropped it in the group chat she shared with her two best friends.

[dr haruno] <picture>

It only took a minute for Naruto to send back the picture, now covered in enough pastel hearts that it wouldn’t look out of place in a middle school girl’s locker. Sasuke’s response was a significantly subtler thumbs up.

[Hot Topic] y r u still there

[Hot Topic] u can run away

[Hot Topic] nobody would blame u

Before she could respond back, Naruto was back.

[darwin award] y u  make out w/hamlet

Glowering, Sakura punched out her response, unaware that the poor grad student who usually got stuck teaching her biology class was slowly backing away from the empty seat next to her, coffee clutched in his shaking hand.

[dr haruno] wtf

[dr haruno] i was not!!!

[dr haruno] who tf said i was????

Another chat notification popped up. Normally she had the notifications for the group chat from her dorm muted, but they had been organizing a movie night for yesterday so she had unmuted them. Opening the chat to mute it, she clenched her phone so hard she was certain the case was going to leave imprints on her skin.

[ramen king] <picture>

[ramen king] see

[ramen king] pictures don’t lie

[ramen king] u were totally making out w/hamlet

The picture was a grainy shot from somewhere behind the couch she had occupied at the coffee shop in the engineering building, taken probably as Shisui was busy flopping onto her lap. From the angle and the bad camera quality, it did sort of look as if there was something going on between them.

Before she could respond back to Naruto in either chat, the dorm chat exploded.

[k9 king] whoa sakura

[k9 king] u move fast

[k9 king] <picture>

This time it was another picture, taken moments later and from a different angle, showing Shisui’s head in her lap, turned towards her.

[bombshell] y didn’t u tell me?

[bombshell] he’s hot

[bombshell] + y r u letting him put his head in ur lap like that

Notifications for her private chat with Ino started going off as well, but Sakura was too distracted trying to put out the fire in the group chat to deal with her roommate.

[YOUTH!!!] y not me????

[YOUTH!!!] i was going 2 bring u flowers

[Hyuuga Neji] Shut up Lee.

[Hyuuga Neji] She’s been trying to politely refuse since you met.

[cinnamon roll] Neji! Be nice!

[mulan] stfu both of u. w2g S

[bombshell] do u think he would set me up w/his cousin?

[bombshell] either 1

[bombshell] we could double?

[mothman] You should shut up now Kiba. You might need to leave the country.

[firecracker] back off bitch, sasuke’s spoken for

Movement next to her drew her attention away from the shitstorm that Naruto had caused by not paying attention to which chat was open, and Sakura scowled as she saw the spare seat she had been saving be taken by a pair of frankly terrifying graduate students, one of who seemed to be currently sporting stitches. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor in that case, she turned to look for another pair of empty seats.

“Hey, I brought your lemon loaf and tea,” Shisui announced as she was half-standing, eyeing a pair of chairs that were about to open. “Thanks for saving the seats.”

Before she knew it, he had set their drinks and food down, slid into the armchair she was attempting to vacate, and tugged her back onto his lap. Sakura squeaked in surprise, ashamed of the sound she made, and fell back into his chest as she lost her balance.

“Missed me that much?” Shisui teased gently, and popped a chunk of lemon loaf in her mouth when she opened it to respond. He was chewing on his own bite, she realized, and frowned at him around the lemon loaf.

“Taxes,” he replied as he swallowed. “Only fair. Now, onto the final test.”

Swallowing, Sakura grimaced as her phone blew up, vibrating so hard it fell off the arm of the chair and into the small space between them. Reaching for her tea, she took a sip, and then grabbed her phone, afraid of what she was going to find.

Shisui flinched as it vibrated again, spluttering on his coffee, but she ignored him as she scrolled past the argument over Sasuke that Ino was having with Naruto’s cousin, Lee’s wailing, Neji’s caustic put downs, Hinata’s pleas for peace...and then she found another picture.

[sharkboi] <picture>

[sharkboi] update: they’ve relocated to starbs

[sharkboi] + they’re cozy

[sharkboi] look @ the luv

[sharkboi] <picture>

[chef] did u kno that feeding the so w/the leftover half of a sweet sweetens the love?

[bombshell] <3

[mulan] <3

[cinnamon roll] <3

[k9 king] ur gross choji

[mothman] Shut up Kiba

[sharkboi] update

[sharkboi] totally just groped him in public

[sharkboi] <picture>

Her head shot up as she saw the blurry shot of her reaching for her phone, the actual action hidden by their bodies, only the suggestive trajectory of her hand remaining, enough to damn her in the chat.

[bombshell] getting frisky!

It only got worse after that, and Sakura closed her eyes and resolved to murder all of them at the earliest possible convenience.

“This one’s the winner,” Shisui declared, nodding to his latte. “Nothing can compete with the original.”

Caught completely off guard, Sakura stared at him wide-eyed until he indicated the drink. “Remember? The thing I’ve been dragging you around all afternoon for?”

His quest. “Right,” she said weakly, ignoring her phone as if vibrated furiously. “I’m glad you’ve figured it out.”

“Isn’t it grand?” Shisui declared, shoving another piece of lemon loaf into her mouth. “I had a lot of fun.”

“Sure,” Sakura scanned the crowded area, looking for Suigetsu. She may not be able to do anything about the pictures he’d already posted, but she could make sure he never would post again. “It was.”

She surprised herself by actually meaning it. Shisui had been...fun to be around. Not as crazy as she had remembered him being when they were all in high school, although Sasuke would probably disagree. They had spent a fun afternoon together, and the treats he bought her as bribes weren’t unwelcome either.

A phone beeped again, and he shot her an apologetic look as he jostled her getting it out of his pocket. There was a moment of silence, and then he whistled.

“Why did my cousin congratulate me on my first public groping?” he asked, and Sakura wanted to throw every single phone around them into the river.

“My hallmates are idiots,” she ground out from between gritted teeth. “And they’re all going to go home for winter break in matchboxes.”

“I think the kid over there with the white hair is spying on us,” Shisui said brightly, giving a wave. Sakura whipped about and made sure that the grin she shot Suigetsu was savage. The little shit was going to find out the hard way not to cross her.

“I’ll make sure he learns his lesson.”

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course I did,” Shisui protested, holding the door for her. “You kept me from being murdered by angry college students on three separate occasions. And don’t think I didn’t notice you letting Sasu-cakes escape by sacrificing yourself.”

“That’s what the pumpkin chocolate chip bread was for,” she pointed out, climbing the stairs to the fourth floor (what type of building has four floors, with wheelchair accessible bathrooms on the fourth floor, but no elevators? Really?) “And all of the other things I made you buy me.”

“Pfft,” the Uchiha flapped his hand at her. “Those were bribes to make you accurately record my notes on the lattes. Anyway, what kind of gentleman would I have been if I hadn’t seen you safely to your door?”

“The only dangerous thing in this dorm right now,” Sakura raised her voice so that anyone behind the closed doors would be sure to hear, “is me.”

Reaching her door at the end of the hall, she turned, key in the door, to look at Shisui. To her surprise, he was much closer than she expected, almost on top of her, a hungry look in his eyes.

“That was...far too attractive,” he mumbled, eyes fixed on her lips. “If you don’t want me to kiss you, speak now.”

Giving her a moment, he pressed forward, lips brushing hers. First gently, but then more insistently, caressing and coaxing her into willing participation. She had always known he was attractive, but had never figured he’d be interested in her, when he had his pick of the myriad of girls that surrounded him. After the disastrous crush on Sasuke that had thankfully subsided into unbreakable friendship, she had decided Uchiha’s were too much trouble to date, and instead worked on establishing an amicable working relationship with Shisui and Itachi, to make her life less boring when Naruto and Sasuke inevitably abandoned her during their squabbles.

Sakura found herself twining her hands in Shisui’s hair, the only Uchiha she knew that sported curls instead of the obnoxiously straight hair his cousins managed. As she tugged lightly on it, drawing him closer, he complied pressing her into the door as his hands came to rest on her hips.

In her pocket, her phone started vibrating again, but she was too busy kissing Shisui to care.

[itsjustascarecrow]

if i’m not able to avoid recommended blogs on mobile, the least it can do is recommend me blogs about stuff i actually care about and NOT about shit i’ve blogged about maybe once several months ago

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #3

The Uzumaki Clan are the only clan in the five nations that has godparents. It’s very important within the Clan as it decides who will care for the child if the parents pass.

This is also the only reason Naruto is the only person with a godparent in Naruto. It’s because all the other clans just dump the orphan on someone because the kid will be raised by a ‘village’.

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #1

Rock Lee, Might Guy and whomever else in THAT fucked up clan cannot be tricked with Genjutsu. Yamanakas hate them more than jinjurikis because a jinjuriki you can at least try and escape. Good luck escaping the hellions that are whatever the Lee and Guy Clans are.

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #2

The Akimichi used to be a Death Clan. As in, their patron was a god of death (butterflies are Evil) so they have intense funeral rites and passages, all celebrations come with a feast and they celebrate the life of people. Milestones such as marriage, childbirth, and birthdays are very important and celebrated religiously.