#asmr shitpost

[soup-scope]

I watched rhe original planet of the apes with my dad last night and the main character keeps being referred to as “brighteyes” for like the first 3/4 of the film. I flinched whenever it was mentioned as if it was a strictly redactedverse nickname 😭😭

GET ME OUTTA THIS BRAINROT RN IM HUMILIATING MYSELF

[doomstonee]

ASMR Fever tries to break in with a chainsaw as you listen to music

[aggro-my-beloved]

so um let me introduce all new redacted fans to the shaw pack

[mintygreencake]

Sam after leaving his house and joining the Shaw pack security team.

[kathleen-koi]

I wonder if the shifters hate when their mates get new clothes because it take awhile till they start to smell like them again

[puffin-smoke]

I'll get to the rest of the kin callouts soon- there's just kind of a lot of them and they're kind of difficult to do- but in the mean time:

Reblog this post for me to assign you a Redacted Character/Listener and fuck idk. Something I have on my desk :D

EDIT 03/01/2025: I didn't think there were this many people in the fandom- I'LL GET TO THE ONES ALREADY SUBMITTED EVENTUALLY, IF YOU REBLOG NOW I PROBABLY WON'T I'm sorryyy

[autism-corner]

LEVI STARTS ASMR CHANNEL??? NOT FAKE!!

(blank/betterQuality and reference under cut =w=bb)

[grilledcheezy92]

Angel: "Captain Gantu could get it."

David: *silently resigning himself once again to the fact that his mate is just like that*

Milo: *is horrified*

Baaabe/Sweetheart: *have heard way more unhinged shit from Angel in the Mates GC™️ and are unfazed*

Sam/Darlin: *silently considering the implications of what that means about Angel and David's sex life, exchanging a look and deciding that thought is best not dwelled on*

Asher: "You know what? You're absolutely right."

[dahliasunset26]

Darlin Headcanon

Besides gender, Darlin is one of those mesmerizing beauties that are even intimidating, and Porter reaction was proof of this, men like him are handsome and they know they are so when they see someone that they actually think is hot beside them it's pretty notorious.

Quinn are the type of people that can convince a really beautiful person that they aren't.

And more of Sam's praises are about how beautiful he thinks Darlin is.

There's a widely spread headcanon that many pack members had a crush on darlin when younger, and that angel think that darlin is hot.

Darlin is etereal beauty personified.

[indigo-greer-collins]

me when anyone in the redactedverse speaks

[empydoc]

be a honey. fuck a guy.

[l-mint-l]

[aggro-my-beloved]

david “i’m scared of mom/dad too, don’t worry” shaw

asher “is your refrigerator running and other dad jokes” talbot

milo “go ask your mother/father bc the answer i’d give you is the wrong one” greer

sam “you have your mama’s/papa’s eyes” collins

[lilbittymonster]

Neither of them know how to play mahjong.

[kathleen-koi]

What if shifter sway their hips when they’re really happy like how dogs wag their tails but instead it’s just really suttle hip swaying

even better they do the little stompings

[puffin-smoke]

Youtube when:

i sleep 😴

Youtube when Redacted:

💥💥😡😡 KILL. BLASPHEMY. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. HOW DARE HE