#asks about planets at 15 degrees

[thatpiscesfish]

Planets at 15 degrees

Mercury

Pluto

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

time

Summary: Not wanting to face Joel after you found out that you're pregnant, you leave the Boston QZ to live with Bill and Frank. Almost four years pass before you can't hide from him anymore, letting him finally know why you ran from him all these years back.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 6.7k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, secret pregnancy, secrets, fluff, trust issues, Joel being Joel, making up, kissing, age gap (not specified but it's around 15 years), smut (unprotected sex), mentions of alcohol, Joel really is bad at feelings, but he's trying, Girl Dad Joel Miller, happy end

A/N: if these two had a relationship status it would be "it's complicated" Another WiP done! So now I am allowed to think about Biker Raider Joel for a moment, right?

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Pedro Masterlist || Joel Masterlist || Main Masterlist

“You know you’ll have to face him at some point,” Frank had a fond smile on his lips as he sat in his wheelchair next to you. He was watching Bill who let himself chase across the yard of his picture perfect post apocalypse home. 

Nobody would expect that just down the street, outside of the fence the world as you knew it had ended. 

“I know,” you sighed. 

“He asks for you every time he’s here. If we had seen you, if we knew where you are. He’s gonna understand,” Frank said and you scoffed. 

“He’s not gonna care. He has Tess and… he’s not…” you shook your head, searching for the words, “he’s not the man I fell in love with.”

“We all can change,” Frank said, reaching over to squeeze your hand. 

“Bill is the best example for that. Could you have imagined him like that when you showed up here three years ago?”

You watched Bill play with your daughter, Ava, playing catch. 

“Joel is not like that. He was like that. Before. But that part of him died long ago.”

You sat in silence for a while, just watching Bill and Ava, trying to soak it all in. It would never be like that again and you were already dreading having to explain all of this to her. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” you whispered, fighting against the tears as you looked at Frank. He smiled softly at you before he came closer, kissing your forehead. 

Four years earlier

You knew he could tell when you were lying. He would know with one look at you that you were full of shit telling him that this was not working for you anymore. Whatever this between you was.

Joel and you had known each other since before the outbreak. You had started babysitting Sarah to earn some extra money while you were finishing you degree when she had just been nine years old and you had moved in next door.

You had been there on outbreak day. Next door, still living at home to take care of your sick father. You would never get the picture of his infected body lunging at you out of your head the night the world changed. 

You and Joel… You didn’t know what Joel and you were exactly. 

You loved Joel, you knew that. And you were pretty sure he loved you too. You just wanted… more. Most people did not allow themselves to love so openly anymore. And in Joel’s case? Losing Sarah had changed him. After fifteen years the man who had been Sarah’s father was gone, replaced by a man that still had his face, but was missing the warmth and comfort Joel Miller had once provided. 

You could see it in glimpses, whenever his hand would rest on your back when he passed by. When he fell asleep in your arms deep in the night. When he kissed your forehead before he headed out for work. 

Loving Joel Miller was easy. 

Being loved by him was close to impossible. 

You never really labelled your relationship, mostly because you did not think of it as important. You trusted him more than any other person on this planet. It’s why you ignored the way he had started looking at Tess. It’s why you did not question him when he stayed away at night. You ignored it all, opening your arms for him when he chose to come home to you, letting him in your bed just to feel close to him. To feel something. 

The jealousy was killing you slowly, making you reckless when you let him have his way with your body. 

But once you had missed your period the first month, and then the second, you knew that there was only one possible answer to your dilemma. You had never been late before. A ration card swapped for a twenty year old pregnancy test had your worst fears come true. 

You were pregnant with Joel Miller’s child. 

Fifteen years after you both buried his daughter. The daughter he never got over losing. 

You could already see his reaction. The eyes you loved so much empty before he would tell you to deal with it. 

You could not face his anger or disappointment, but mostly you could not face him not caring. So you packed your little belongings once he had left you in the morning, sneaking out of your bed without a word.

You did not leave a note, just fled the QZ, making your way over to Bill and Frank, hoping your friendship with Frank would make them take you in. 

Of course Bill hadn’t want to, but once he saw your stomach swell (and tasted the sweets you baked in his kitchen) he had put all his work into making the house next door into your home. 

“Mama, can we go get Strawbebbies?” you chuckled, holding her hand as you walked with her on your daily walk by the fence. 

“Strawberries, baby,” you tried to correct her. Ava pouted at you, her dark curls swinging in the wind, her brown eyes so much like her fathers. 

“That’s what I said!” she put her little hands on her hips and you smiled. 

She was definitely her father’s daughter.

“Okay, baby. Let’s get some Strawbebbies,” you picked her up, making her shriek with laughter. Once again you were glad you made the decision to come here. She could grow up like a child was supposed to. 

Even though now that Bill and Frank were gone it was getting kind of lonely. You had all enjoyed a last dinner together before Bill and Frank had tucked Ava in for one last time and read her a story. 

You had tried to keep the tears at bay as Bill had reminded you of the folder full of instructions of how to take care of things around here for you. 

After dinner you had walked them to the gate, opening the fence for them as they took their last walk. You had watched them until they had disappeared into the dark woods before you made your way back to their house. You had cleaned the dishes and tidied everything up, before with a heavy heart, you had turned off all the lights and closed the door behind you before you walked to your house, allowing yourself to cry yourself to sleep as you sat on the floor next to the bed of your daughter, watching her sleep. 

That night was almost three months ago. The days were getting shorter, the nights colder. You’d have enough firewood for this winter but come spring you would have to find a way to make more. 

You had just finished making breakfast for Ava when the motion detector alarmed you that someone was at the gate. You froze, telling Ava to eat her fruit salad before you made your way downstairs to check out what was happening. 

Your heart was pounding against your chest, once you noticed his face. 

Joel Miller. 

And a…. Teenage girl?

The gate swung open after he put in the code and you allowed yourself fifteen seconds to panic. You knew this day would come. The day after Bill and Frank had gone you had checked the basement, finding that Bill had put on 80’s music, the distress signal. 

Even though you had turned it off immediately deep down you knew he would show up at some point. 

You just did not think it would be that soon. 

You grabbed your gun, checking if it was loaded before you made your way back upstairs. You did not think you would need it, but it was better to be prepared. 

“Ava? Remember when Uncle Bill played hide and seek with you and showed you the best place to hide?” you asked, hiding the gun in the back of your jeans as you got to your kitchen. She nodded. 

“I want you to hide there until I come and get you,” you said. 

“Hide?” she asked. You nodded, kissing her cheek. 

“Take Sluggi with you,” you smiled. Sluggi was the stuffed plush slug Bill had gotten for her. She nodded and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs, You heard her door to her room close and took a deep breath, calming yourself. 

You knew this day would come. You knew one day you would have to face Joel Miller and you knew you would have to face his reaction. 

You never regretted your decision to leave. Life has definitely been better here. That did not mean you had just stopped loving him, no matter how much he had hurt you in the past. 

Stepping towards your front door you could see him walk towards Bill and Frank’s house. 

You closed your eyes, taking a calming breath before you opened the door and stepped out. 

His head snapped towards you once he heard the door opening, eyes widening for a split second before he pulled the girl that was with him behind his back. 

He was protecting her. 

“What are you doing here? Where are Bill and Frank?” he asked, his voice low. 

“They’re dead. Frank got worse and… he couldn’t…” you shook your head, lost of words. He just looked at you before he shook his head, trying to put in words what he wanted. 

“I just… We need some…” he took a deep breath, looking up at you, a million emotions playing over his face. 

“Are you hungry?” you asked the girl behind him. 

“Starving,” she replied and you smiled a little.

“There’s some fruit salad left on the kitchen counter if you want?” you asked. She stepped around Joel and he looked at her. 

“It’s safe. There’s… there’s no one there,” you lied. He gave her a nod before she walked past you into your home. 

It had been years since you’ve been alone with him. He did not really change. His hair maybe a little grayer, the lines around his mouth a little deeper, but he was still Joel Miller. 

“You left,” he said. 

“I did.”

“Why?”

You took a deep breath. You looked past him towards the house the girl had walked in, hoping your little girl continued to hide. Knowing her she had was working on her puzzle. She would be okay for a moment. 

You knew she was safe. You just needed a little moment alone. 

“You can have some fruit salad too. I am going to get some vegetables for dinner,“ you gave him a nod, before you turned around and walked towards your garden, ignoring him as he called after you. 

With a basket full of salad, cucumbers and some tomatoes you pushed the door of your house open. Joel was sitting on the stairs, across the door, already looking at you. 

The girl walked past the both of you towards the living room, an apple in her hand she was munching on. 

„This is so fucking weird,“ she shook her head and you snorted while Joel hissed at her. 

„What? It is weird,“ she said, her head turned towards him. 

You smiled a little as you looked at her, before you walked towards the kitchen, setting the basket down. You had to go up to check on Ava. 

And you had to talk to Joel.

You couldn’t hide her from him, even though you wanted to do nothing more than that. 

You took a deep breath when he walked into the kitchen. 

„Is it okay if Ellie takes a shower?“ He asked, knowing that there was warm water around town. 

„That’s her name. Ellie,“ he clarified.

„Oh. Of course, yeah,“ you nodded and Ellie walked in, snorting as she looked up at Joel. 

„You could use one too dude,“ she said and you had to fight hard against the grin as you watched the look on Joel’s face. 

You were about to offer her to show her to the bathroom when you heard a door upstairs click open, followed from little footsteps, your eyes widening. Joel frowned, his hand immediately searching for his gun, his arm putting Ellie behind himself. 

He raised his gun, taking a step forward as you ran around the counter, the knife you had put out to cut the salad now in your hand. 

„Gun down,“ you hissed and his head snapped to you, his eyes widening when he saw the knife in your hand. You stood in front of him. 

„I will not repeat myself, put the gun down, right now or I will put this knife in your thigh,“ you fingers flexed around the handle of the knife. The footsteps came closer as you kept eye contact with Joel until he slowly lowered his gun. You nodded at him once you saw him put the gun back to wherever it came from, then looked at Ellie who was looking at you with wide eyes, before you let the knife fall down to the floor just in time as Ava jumped the last step down, rounding the corner. 

„Potty?“ She whispered shyly, looking up at you with big eyes and you sighed, before you nodded, the people behind you forgotten as you picked your daughter up. You risked a glance at Joel as you turned towards the stairs, your daughter in your arms.

His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, before you practically ran up the stairs. 

„Who is the man mommy?“ Ava asked as she was finished, washing her hands like you taught her, making as many bubbles as possible as she rubbed her hands together. 

You sucked your bottom lip in as you watched her, your hand brushing over her soft hair. 

„That is an old Friend of mommy,“ you explained, and she nodded. 

„And the girl?“ She asked. 

„That is a friend of him, I think. I am not sure.“

She finished washing her hands and you handed her the towel, her little face full of concentration as she dried her hands, making you smile.

You got down on your knees in front of her, your hands on her shoulders. 

„Do you think she’s gonna play with me?“ She asked, hopeful.

„We can ask her,“ you said with a smile.

You weren’t prepared for the sight in your kitchen when you came downstairs. Joel was standing at the counter, the sleeves of his shirt rolled back as he cut the tomatoes with the knife you had threatened with him not only ten minutes ago. 

He didn’t look up as you entered the room, but Ellie did. You looked between them warily. 

„I’m Ava,“ your daughter chirped and you took a deep breath, Joel still not looking up. Ellie looked at him with a frown, before she sighed, rolling her eyes, and walked towards you.

„I’m Ellie,“ she said and smiled a little and bend down to her knees. Ava looked first at her, then at you. 

„Ellie, do you like sea turtles?“ You asked and the girl looked at you. 

„Uh…. I guess?“ She said and you smiled. 

„Because Ava loves them. Her whole room is full of them,“ you said and saw interest flicker in her eyes.

„Can I see?“ Ellie asked and you nodded. 

„You wanna show Ellie your sea turtles?“ You asked Ava and she nodded eagerly. 

„Awesome,“ Ellie said, taking Ava’s hand before you could offer to show them, the girls already walking upstairs towards Ava's room. 

Which left you alone in the kitchen with….

„How old is she?“ Joel asked, still not looking at you as you turned to face him. He grabbed the cucumber after he had used the knife to put the tomatoes in the bowl you had prepared for the salad, beginning to slice them. 

You took a deep breath. 

„She turned three last month,“ you said, watching him nod slowly, the knife hitting the cutting board the only noise in the room. 

„She has my eyes,“ he finally said and you sucked your bottom lip in, nervous. 

„Yeah she has,“ you agreed and he finally looked up at you, setting the knife down, his hands spread out on the counter, resting his whole weight on them. 

„Why didn’t you tell me?“ He asked, his voice quiet. 

„I didn’t know how. Joel…. You were barely acknowledging me outside of when you were inside of me. You spend all your time with Tess doing god knows what. How would you have reacted if I told you that I was pregnant? You never even acknowledged what we…“ you stoped yourself, shaking your head. 

„You should have told me. I could have…“ he stopped himself, searching for what to say and you looked at him, waiting. 

„I could have helped you. I would have….“ He shook his head, his hands shaking. 

„I’m gonna need a moment. Can you watch after Ellie?“ He asked and you nodded, confused and he nodded back before he walked past you and out of the house. 

You just didn’t think it would be almost two days before he got back. You were outside in Bill’s garden, letting the girls help you pick everything that was ready from the garden when you noticed him walk towards the house. 

You knew he was still inside the little locked up town Bill had made his safe haven. None of the alerts had went off, indicating he had left. And yeah you could have searched after him, but what good would it have done?

You’ve known him from almost twenty years, and you knew that he needed time to process certain things. 

He hadn’t talked to anyone in almost a year after the outbreak and what happened to Sarah. 

„Look what the cat dragged in,“ Ellie said as she spotted him and Ava perked up, her little head turning towards where Ellie was looking. 

Joel nodded at the girls before he looked at you. 

The sun was already setting and you had dinner prepared inside. 

„How about we have some dinner and then Ellie can read you some more of the story you started yesterday?“ You asked and both girl smiled at you. Ava ran past Joel who looked after her as she disappeared into the house, Ellie following her. 

„Next time you ditch me, at least tell me?“ She glared at him before she walked back into the house. He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. 

„Can we talk?“ He asked. 

„After dinner?“ You said, getting up and grabbing the basked full of fresh vegetables. 

„Yeah. Yeah okay,“ he nodded and you walked towards the house, giving him a hesitant smile when he grabbed the basket from you and walked inside after you. 

It was two hours later that you found yourself on the left corner of your couch, your legs tucked under you, a glass of wine in your hand. 

Because this conversation needed some alcohol. 

And not only because of what you were about to talk about, but because of the man who was sitting on the other side of the couch, similar glass of wine in his hand. 

Because he looked so damn good.

He had showered while you put the girls to bed after dinner, the whole scene feeling so domestic. Like a dream you had many many times before when you were still dreaming. 

Dreaming of a normal future. 

Dreaming of a normal life. 

Dreaming about how it would feel like if Joel Miller loved you back. 

Because no matter how much he may have hurt you in the past, you just could not stop loving him. 

„I’m sorry,“ he whispered after a while and you turned your head to look at him, his eyes already on you. 

„I’m shit at talking about those things….“ He stopped.

„Those things meaning feelings?“ You helped and he groaned. 

„Yeah. Always sucked at it. Even before….“ 

He sighed. 

„Sarah would be so angry with me with how I treated you,“ he whispered and your eyes softened. You could count on one hand how often he had brought Sarah up ever since she died. 

And while you thought you could understand him in the past, you loved her like yours after all, now that you had Ava, you realised that loosing her would kill you. 

It would be something you could never come back from. 

But he did. 

„I never cheated on you. I know you thought I did, can’t blame your for it. Tess was just…. Fuck, how do I explain this?“ He sighed, his fingers rubbing over his chin. 

„I never deserved you. You’re too fucking good for me. For everyone really. Because even after the whole world went to shit, you still had some kindness left for everyone around you. I know how much you hated what we did in the beginning. And I hated myself for putting you through it. I hated myself for putting you through everything I did to you since the moment Sarah died…“ he said and you could see his eyes watering. 

„Can’t blame you for hating me and leaving. And not telling me about….“

„Joel….“ You said, setting your glass down and getting closer towards him, your hand reaching for his. Slowly he turned his hand so you could put yours in it, his fingers wrapping around your hand softly. 

„I’m not gonna lie and tell you that it’s okay. Cause I was hurting. You were hurting me. Every time you left in the morning without a word. Every time you passed out drunk and drugged after you came back. It was like living with a ghost and it was killing me. That was the reason I decided to leave when I found out. I could…. I couldn’t bring a child into this. And I knew I wanted her before I even met her. Even though it seems crazy to bring a child into this world. But… She was half you. And the thought that there was even the possibility that you didn’t wanted her….“ You took a deep breath. 

„Honestly? I can’t tell you how I would have reacted. I was… I was really fucked up in the weeks before you left. I was taking too many drugs. Drank too much. Got too fucking reckless. But that changed when you left,“ he said and squeezed your hand. 

„Not right away. It might have gotten worse first but… I got better. Not perfect, but better. And I… Fuck I even talked through some shit with someone. Made me realise I never even told you how much I love you,“ he said and you were pretty sure you stopped breathing as he looked at you, a small smile tilting his lips up. 

„Pretty sure I fell for you the first time you walked through my door wearing that pretty baby blue dress. Even though you were way too young for me. Still are. But…. I hope you knew, know. I really fucking love you,“ he said and you felt a tear running down your cheek. 

„Can you tell me about her? About Ava?“ He asked before you could form an answer to his confession. And so instead you told him. 

You told him about how you craved strawberries your whole pregnancy. How Bill traded one of his guns for the seeds from Tess.

You told him that she only slept through the night in the beginning, when Bill put her to sleep. 

You told her how much she reminded you of Sarah when she smiled at you. 

You told her how every time you looked at her you saw him. 

Hours went by where you two talked, you ending up leaning against Joel’s side, his arm around you. His fingers brushing over your arm, his other hand still holding yours. His lips brushing over your skin when he told you about how Ellie ended up at in his care. 

How he wanted to take her to Wyoming to search for his brother who might know how to find the fireflies. 

„Do you know where he is?“ You asked and he shrugged. 

„Not exactly. I know he messaged me from the Cody tower, so that’s where we’ll be going,“ he mumbled and you nodded. 

„We could take Bill’s truck,“ you said and he stilled. You looked up at him. 

„We?“ He asked and you chuckled, sitting yourself up so you were facing him, your hand now on his cheek. 

„You really think I’m gonna let you go now?“ You asked with a smile. 

And then you finally kissed him. 

It was decided that you would leave within the next 5 days, giving you enough time to make a list (You always made lists) of everything you had to pack. 

Which was a lot. Getting four people across the country on a trip that hopefully would be just like you remembered road trips to be, took a lot of supplies. 

And while you were preoccupied deciding which food was best to take, Joel had asked you if he could spend some time with Ava. He wanted to get to know her. And of course, you agreed. Watching him, Ellie and Ava walk towards the garage where they spend hours doing god knows what. 

It was almost dark outside when they walked back in, your heart melting as you watched Joel carry a very sleepy Ava inside who told you all about how seatbelts where very scary, something you would make sure to ask Joel about as you took her upstairs, putting her to bed. 

The days went by quickly like that.

Joel quickly became Ava’s favourite person which could have to do with the fact, that she was always allowed to sit on his shoulders. Ellie had been confused, yet delighted at the change in the grumpy man she had left the QZ with. 

He even got his Dad jokes out, making the teenager groan in mock annoyance throughout the day. Ellie also spend a lot of time with you, wanting to learn everything you offered to teach her. Starting from making protein bars for the trip down to how to properly braid her hair. 

Even though she preferred you doing it. 

You got the impression that she never really had anyone how just… listened to her or wanted to spend time with her. She told you she grew up in FEDRA School and that her mother had died while giving birth. 

She had no family and her best friend (though you got the impression Riley had been more than just a friend) had died not that long ago. 

That the only thing she had left in life was her purpose to save the world. Joel had told you that she was immune, Ellie showing you the healed scars to confirm it. 

„You know that that’s not the only thing you have left, right?“ You asked her, sitting on the porch next to her, enjoying one last sunset, watching Joel and Ava play soccer. Her little feet chasing after Joel with happy squeals. 

„What do you mean?“ Ellie asked and you looked at her with a smile. 

„You have us, Ellie. You think we just gonna let you go?“ You asked and she stubbornly shook her head. 

„I have to do this. It’s my purpose. I have to save the world,“ she said and looked away from you. 

„Are you saying this because you feel that way, or because someone told you so?“ You asked and she looked at you. 

„Because it should be your decision what to do and what not. And… think about it, even if they are somehow able to make a cure out of your blood, do you really think they will be able to make enough to make a vaccine for everyone? Who will decide who gets it? And if they end up deciding on giving it to everyone…. There are so many bad people out there. Do they deserve to be saved too?“ You asked and you could see her thinking about your words and you smiled softly at her. 

„Even if you don’t like hearing it, your a kid Ellie. You should grow up and live first before you make a decision like that. You don’t even know how they would get whatever they needed from your blood. If I remember correctly Cordyceps grow in the brain, what if they have to get into your brain to get out whatever they need?“ You said and her eyes widened. 

„But Marlene….“ She whispered and you reached over her, taking her hand. 

„I don’t know how well you know Marlene, but I’ve known her for more than ten years. I know how she manipulates people to get what she wants. You wouldn’t even notice it,“ you said and she sighed. 

„I’m gonna think about it,“ she said finally and you gave her a small smile. 

„That’s all I ask about. Now how about you get upstairs and take one last long hot shower before we are on the road for days?“ You asked and she nodded, standing up and turning away from you to walk inside the house before she turned back to you and hugged you quickly.

After saying good night to Ellie later you walked towards your daughters room, her little suitcase for her toys laying open next to her bed, waiting for Sluggi to be put into the next morning. She was already in bed, Joel sitting on the floor next to her, reading to her. 

You wished you could take a picture of this. Unfortunately the Polaroid camera had broken earlier this year. 

„Mommy!“ A tired Ava smiled as she saw you, her arms raised towards you. Joel looked up and smiled at you as you walked over, climbing into the bed behind your daughter, pulling her into your arms. 

„What story is Joel reading you?“ You asked. 

„The little mermaid,“ she said and you found Joel’s eyes. You had been thinking about it for the last days now. Telling her who Joel really is. He slipped into your life like the missing piece, the man you had fallen in love with all these years back seemingly falling right back into his role as being the best father there ever could be. 

So before you could talk yourself out of it you said

„Your sister loved that one too.“

Joel gulped, his eyes growing sad for a moment, before he looked at Ava. 

„I have a sister?“ She asked you, her eyes big.

„Mmmh…. Her name was Sarah. She watched the movie every single night before she went to bed,“ you explained and Ava pursed her lips in an ooooh motion. 

„There was a movie?“ She asked in awe.

„Oh yeah there was. And a cassette with the music. Can’t remember how often she made me listen to it“ Joel said and smiled softly. 

„Where is Sarah?“ Ava asked and your smile went sad. 

„She’s where Uncle Bill and Uncle Frank are. Watching over us,“ you explained and she hummed. 

„I wish I could hug her,“ she whispered and you nodded, tears in your eyes, squeezing her against your chest, your hand reaching out Joel’s hand finding yours as you kissed her forehead, looking at him who had tears in his eyes. 

„Me too baby. Me too,“ you whispered before taking a deep breath.

„You know Joel is her daddy,“ you finally said and she looked at you. 

„He is?“ She asked and you nodded. 

„I bet he is the best daddy,“ she sighed and you chuckled at Joel’s cheeks turning pink. 

„Yeah he is. What would you say if I tell you that Joel is your daddy too?“ You asked and her big eyes looked at you first and then her head turned towards Joel. 

„My daddy?“ She asked and both you and Joel nodded with a smile, her smile getting wider, before she jawned.

„I always wanted a daddy,“ she whispered before her eyes dropped close. 

You were walking down the stairs to Bill's basement after you showered, finding Joel checking if he could manage to take any more guns. The supplies had all been packed into the truck already, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave anything of value behind. 

He looked up when he heard your footsteps, giving you a small smile. 

Walking over to him you were surprised when he reached for you, pulling you into his lap, one of his arms looped around you, his other hand on your cheek, his fingers brushing over your skin. 

„I didn’t know you were gonna tell her,“ he whispered and you smiled. 

„She deserves to know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her sooner. If I would have stayed you wouldn’t have missed so much…“ he stopped you by kissing you softly. 

„None of that. We both know I would have fucked this up. I would have said some really fucked up things and hurt you even more. So, there’s nothing you have to be sorry for, okay?“ He looked at you, his eyes pleading. 

You released a long breath, bringing both of your arms up to cross behind his neck. 

„Have I told you lately that I love you, Joel Miller?“ You whispered with a small smile that he mirrored. 

„Don’t think so. But I don’t blame you, I gotta say it a lot more often than you to make up for all the years I didn’t tell you. I do love hearing it though. Love you,“ he mumbled before he kissed you again. His lips moving on top of yours slowly, his hand tilting your head up a little so he could deepen the kiss. 

With a little sigh you parted your lips for him, his tongue dipping into your mouth, a deep moan coming from him, his arm pulling you closer against him. 

There had been lots of making out in the last days, stolen kisses when the girls weren’t in the room, secret touches under the table while you had dinner. 

But you haven’t slept together. 

And you were ready. 

„Joel,“ you mumbled, parting from his lips. He hummed, his lips running down your jaw. 

„We aren’t gonna be alone for a while,“ you whimpered, your head tilting up to give his wandering lips some more space. 

„What are you proposing?“ He asked, playfully nibbling on your neck. 

„I’m proposing that you fuck me, Miller. Right here,“ you gasped when you felt his other hand slip between your legs. 

„Right here?“ He asked, his fingers over the seam of your slick panties. 

„Mmmmhh….“ You closed your eyes, biting your lip when he pushed the fabric to the side, his fingers dipping between you slick folds, lazily teasing you. 

„All that for me?“ He asked and you opened your eyes, crashing your lips against his. 

„It’s been almost four years Joel. Please don’t tease me,“ you whined and his eyes softened before he picked you up and set you down on the table behind him. Within the next minutes you were both naked, your hands in his hair as you kissed him as he stood between your parted legs, the heavy weight of his cock resting against your stomach. 

„Gonna need to prepare you,“ he hummed, his hands on your ass. You shook your head. 

„Please just fuck me. You know I can take it,“ you whined, one of your hands wrapping around his cock, making him hiss. He groaned, sucking your bottom lip between his before he slapped your hand away, his dark eyes fixed on yours as he held his hand out to you. Waiting. 

Feeling your whole body heat up you spit in his hand and the left corner of his mouth twitched. 

„My good girl,“ he praised you and you couldn’t stop whimpering. 

He brought his hand down to wrap it around his cock, coating it in your saliva, before he lined himself up. You had dripped on the table you were sitting on, more than ready to take him. 

„I love you,“ he whispered and you looked at him with a soft smile, your lips parting when he slowly pushed his cock into you. Filling you inch by inch, both of you starring into each others eyes. 

„Missed this,“ you moaned. 

„Missed you,“ you crossed your legs behind him, giving him a little push, his cock finally filing you up completely. 

„Fucking Perfect,“ he groaned kissing you again before he began to move, pumping into you slowly. 

You let yourself fall back down against the table, stretching your arms over your head, your back arching, your tits moving every time Joel fucked into you. 

He licked his fingers, bringing it down between your legs, his thrusts getting harder as he rubbed your clit, your pussy clenching around him. 

„Yes… Baby… Just like that….“ You moaned, your hands coming down to play with your tits. 

„You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?“ He asked, moving faster, his skin slapping against yours every time he moved.

Nodding, you moaned, your eyes rolling back as you came, your whole body shaking as he fucked you through it. 

„Shit….“ He groaned, both of his hands now coming to rest on either side of you as he leaned down, fucking into you deeply, chasing his own orgasm. 

„Want you to cum again,“ he grunted, kissing you, drilling his cock into you, the whole table moving over the floor. 

„Want you to cum inside me. Let me feel you,“ you whimpered, your hands in his hair, trying to meet his thrusts. 

„Fuck that is…. Not a good idea….“ He laughed and you grinned. 

„I don’t care. Wanna feel you. Cum for me, Joel. Cum inside me,“ you whispered and he groaned, fucking into you a half dozen times more before you felt him twitch inside of you, filling you, making you cum for a second time. 

Both out of breath you looked at each other before Joel leant down and kissed you. 

„Sleep in bed with me?“ You hummed against his lips. 

„As long as you let me,“ he answered against your lips before you both sneaked upstairs. 

Against all odds after six days of a rather boring trip across the country you reached the radio tower in Cody. And two days later a group patrol of people on horses found you, asking you all kinds of questions before a man pulled the bandana that had been covering his face down, revealing Tommy Miller in the flesh. 

By now you were living in Jackson for almost a year. 

Ellie had decided to stay and live her life, the constant threat of someone looking for her still on the horizon, but it was decided that the town was not in immediate danger. Patrols kept an eye out for fireflies, but they haven’t spotted anyone. 

You were living a happy life all things considered. 

Ava went to pre school, Ellie went to normal school. They really became sisters in the last year, spending a lot of time together. 

Even though Ellie started to spend more and more time with a girl called Dina you suspected was more than just a friend. 

Joel was always working on improving the house. 

He had changed the most, back to the man he had been before the outbreak. Yes, he still was the protector when he needed to be, but most of the time he was just Joel. Your husband. 

„Yellow?“ He asked, holding the can of paint up.

You walked over to him with a smile, nodding.

„It’s a happy colour. I like happy colours,“ you shrugged and he chuckled, setting the can down on the floor before he put his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

One of his hands came to rest on your growing belly, the baby inside kicking up a storm as if it could sense their dads hand, making you both smile. 

„Still think it’s gonna be a girl?“ You asked and he nodded, before he kissed you softly. 

„Think I’m meant to be surrounded by beautiful girls,“ he hummed before he kissed you again. 

[saturnsbabyboii]

🐸Astro Observations Since School is About to Start🐸

🐸 Taurus and Leo are indistinguishable from one another. They both love the finer things in life and value self care and a hedonistic style of living. Besides they both have that regal star quality (Think of Audrey Hepburn and Lucille Ball). The only difference is that Taurus takes the slow and steady route to attain such lifestyle and Leo prefers to take risks and a gamble. Anyways ✨OPULENCE✨

🐸 4th house Aquarius/9th house Cancer people might be out of place within their immediate families but find themselves at home among strangers or while traveling.

🐸 Lilith (h12, h13, or h21) Conjunct Chiron are strong indications of sexual exploitation (and possibly abuse). These natives could be taken advantage of by people in powerful positions. Even after displaying their truth, they would be faulted and persecuted while their abuser get celebrated. They could very will be victims turned villains.

🐸 An unaspected Juno suggest a lack of desire for marriage or committed relationships.

🐸 Pluto in the 1st house might have a distinctive scar or birth mark.

🐸 Although people dunk on harsh aspects, I personally view them favorably. These aspect are strong indications of perseverance, resilience, power, intelligence and grace. People with more Squares and/or Oppositions in their chart are capable and self aware, all the challenges they face early on bring them a better and higher understanding of the world, and not to mention, many rewards down the line.

🐸 With that being said, people with Ceres Opposite Moon might be particularly hard on themselves. Believing that they would be a burden and that they hold responsibility to keep it together for others, they don't ask for help nor do they accept it when it's offered. It's important for them to practice gratitude and self appreciation.

🐸 Vesta aspecting few personal planets suggests a person with a one track mind, or a very narrow view of their own life and purpose. However, someone with multiple aspects made between Vesta and personal planets suggests someone with turbulent and changing prospects.

🐸 Conversely, someone with no (or only one) aspects made to their Vesta might not care about the meaning of life or simply take an easy going point of view towards things.

🐸 Moon in a harsh aspect to a harmoniously aspected Venus and/or Mars are people that have all the qualities of a good partner but can't seem to commit or make up their mind regarding their relationships. This could also be an indication of being happier when single.

🐸 During the last Full Moon in Pisces, my sister that has a Pisces Moon ended up having surgery.

🐸 Placements in Water degrees (4°,8°,12°,16°,20°,24°,28°) suggest karma and karmic debt or relations in the theme of the placement.

🐸 The degree of Venus can also suggest when will you feel comfortable dating authentically. The higher the degree the later in life it'll be.

🐸 Continuing on the theme of degrees, take note of the following degrees in the chart (especially for natal, synastry and solar return). The degrees are

Creation/New beginnings: 0°,4°,21°

Critical: 13°,17°,26°

Destruction: 15°,22°,23°

Completion: 29°

🐸 Check asteroid Bakker (27425) to know more about the circumstances of when you lose your virginity. Bakker means virgin in Arabic. Regardless of your stance or idea regrading the concept of virginity, you might find insight into either your first sexual experience.

🐸 Asteroid Egeria (13) represents the knowledge we learn by giving service or sacrificing in return. The sign it's in represent the kind of information, the house and aspects represent the method, purpose and teacher of this knowledge. For example, I have a friend with Egeria in Aries in the 2nd house, in aspect to Jupiter and Uranus. She learned about money, finance, self esteem, and asset flow through a mentor (Jupiter) and the internet (Uranus). She in return had to manage her money flow and expenses realistically (Aries in the 2nd house).

🐸 Another friend of mine had the asteroid in Sagittarius in the 10th house, in aspect to the ascendant. She learned how her career, image and aspiration are tied to her appearance and approach to things through mirroring (Ascendant). She had to in return manage her authenticity and be careful of who and how she express her opinion publicly (Sagittarius in the 10th house).

🐸 It is no surprise that the most common Sun sign among Popes is Pisces followed by Sagittarius. Capricorn is the most common Moon sign. Aquarius is the most common Mercury. Gemini is the most common Saturn, and Pisces, Gemini and Leo share the same spot as the most common sign in Jupiter.

🐸 Saturn in the mutable houses (3rd, 6th, 9th, 12th) might inherit hereditary illnesses. The 3rd and the 9th suggests developmental setbacks, and issues in attachment and communication. The 6th house suggests physical effects while the 12th suggests mental. Even though the 6th house manifests into physical ailments, the 12th house implies hospitalization and chronic illness from a young age.

🐸 The placement of Pisces and Neptune in the houses along with the state of the 12th house and placement of it's ruler can tell many things about someones' dreams. For example, my friend has Pisces in the 2nd house, Neptune in the 1st house, Capricorn in the 12th and Saturn in the 3rd. (Pisces in the 2nd and Ruler of the 12th is in the 3rd house) She dreams a lot about school, even though she is 25, driving, walking around, buying things, talking to people, listening to music and walking around our city. (Capricorn in the 12th) Her nightmares usually have a state of humiliation and shame. She also finds herself in dream where she is feeling helpless. (Neptune in the 1st) She receives messages through a state of 'Deja Vu' and channels it through the prediction of things.

🐸 Moon Conjunct Chiron 🤝 Mommy issues

🐸 The first impression a rising sign leaves is due to the MC than the rising sign alone. The MC rules public image and reputation, as such it influences the way we're seen by people, regardless of whether we know them or not. For example, an Aquarius rising uniqueness and reputation is supported and diversified by its MC. Although in the whole sign system the MC is in Scorpio, using the Placidus system the MC can also fall in Libra and Sagittarius. This showcases how an Aquarius rising can be perceived as a humanitarian in reputation and ethereal in appearance (Libra MC), or as a provoking trailblazer with an edgy and dark appearance (Scorpio MC), or as an enthusiastic advocate with an alienlike appearance (Sagittarius MC).

🐸 North Node in Fire signs have that "main character" energy.

-Thank you for reading. Hope you it resonates and you enjoyed it.

[linnienin]

💄A S T E R O I D ⁕ S I R E N E ⁕(1009)💄 through the signs and degrees

Disclaimer: Take what resonates. I'm not a professional astrologer, i just am an avid researcher and i use my personal experience when writing my posts (Also, pls, don't copy my work, i spend lot of time on it, thanks)

Hello beautiful souls!

I'm back with another post on a very requested asteroid 💜

A lot of you asked me about Asteroid Sirene and how it manifests in a birth chart, and initially i answered singularly, but the requests started to get out of hand a bit for me, so i decided to create a whole post on this asteroid in different signs/aspecting different planets

I have planned other posts on this asteroid but for now I..

Hope you enjoy it!

W H A T ⁕ I S ⁕ A ⁕ S I R E N ?

⁕ In Greek mythology, sirens are humanlike beings with alluring voices

Initially descripted as half human half birds then as "sea-girls with the body of a maiden, but have scaly fishes' tails"

⁕ Etymology of the name meaning: "binder, entangler" i.e. one who binds or entangles through magic song.

This could be connected to the famous scene of Odysseus being bound to the mast of his ship, in order to resist the sirens' song.

M Y ⁕ I N T E R P R E T A T I O N :

I want to make clear that this is just my view and thoughts on this asteroid and if you know a trusted source on its meaning please link it down below, i'd be very grateful 🙏

To me Asteroid Sirene (1009) has a similar energy to Lilith but it isn't as raw and destructive, it's indeed more controlled and patient. Lilith is warm blooded while Siren is cold blooded. In our birth charts it can shows where we can become manipulative, turn to our dark side and take what we want with strategy, seduction and mischeviousness.

It can also describe our seductive aura, or how we attract and magnetize others with charm (this can be both conscious or subconscious, depending on how in tune you are with yourself, and also can depend on which sign or house you have this asteroid in)

So, are you interested in knowing how you emanate this irresistible appeal?

Keep reading 💄

S I R E N E ⁕ T H R O U G H ⁕ T H E ⁕ S I G N S :

⁕ Aries/aspecting Mars/1°,13°,25°: Bold, assertive and fearless. Doesn't matter if the rest of their chart has quiet,cutie poofie placements, when asteroid Sirene gets activated these natives becomes confident queens/kings and knows how to defend themselves. They don't lose time to get what they want, they get straight to the point and they know they didn't come to play but to win. Their seductive charm lays in how confidently they carry themselves, people see these natives as natural leaders and warriors. They carry a powerful and intense aura you just can't ignore, the types that dare to do or say things that should't be done or said (but coming from them they sounds so cool gosh). Their facial espressions are intense and animated, and draws people in.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Taurus/aspecting Venus/2°,14°,26°: The walking sleeping beauty (lmao is she sleepwalking?). Jokes aside, here you can see how unaware these people are of their allure, and this is part of their charm too. They have such a calming and indifferent aura that makes everyone comfortable around them, and people get obsessed by this feeling of peace these natives exude that they can't have enough of. Usually they are the silent type of "Sirene", it's kind of a dormant feature in them. They are very sensual in their mannerism, and if they get to the point of being aware of how powerful they are well, it's the end of the game. They can seduce EVERYONE with their touch. The Queen Mida (oh yeah and they want that gold) 👀

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Gemini/aspecting Mercury/3°,15°,27°: Everyone's fling. Such a flirty aura. They're very smart and intellectual, and everyone find them extremely interesting, so they automatically are drawn in because they want to know more (and some people will desperately show off to get their attention, it's insane). They can get quite some hidden envy from others because of how witty they can be. These people have a way with words, when they speak everyone else shut down to listen to them. I find having Sirene asteroid in Gemini is very similar to being a Siren/Mermaid how it's described in mythology, they are very cunning when they want to, know how to play games with other's minds, they are very good at putting masks on and turn the cards in their favours. (Also, the ability of sirens to change their body features reminds me a lot of Loki in Northern Mythology which happens to be associated with Mercury) They're the true puppet master and they know it. They have light and quick movements. One minute they're near you, the next one they disappeared from your view, and this is extremely fascinating to people. It's like they can't catch them even if they try so hard.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Cancer/aspecting Moon/4°,16°,28°: I think of these natives as the spy who pretend to play the damsel in distress, portrayed in old hollywood movies. Don't be fooled by their cute acting. They're actually quite good manipulators. People love how inviting they feel, so warm and nurturing, they have a healing aura to them. These natives makes other people feel like they need to protect them from the dangers of others. I think Sirene in Cancer can be naive at first, especially when inexperienced, but when they get their heart broken oh boy. If Gemini was the master at mind manipulation, Cancer is the master at emotional manipulation. Overall these natives can be pretty unaware of their behaviour, sometimes getting overwhelmed by their emotions, but they can also be one of the most destructive people ever when activating the Sirene energy(both to others and themselves) if they aren't in control of it.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Leo/aspecting Sun/5°,17°,29°: OOOOH those hip swings, you can recognize them instantly from just their catwalk, it's simply hypnotizing. These people take pride in their sensuality, and they know how to use it very well. You can't escape their attention if they have claimed you to be their prey. Another go getter like Aries, but not so in your face, because even if their focus is on what they want, they'd rather give ALL the signals until what they want comes to them. Very much like: i believe, i attract. Their charm is in the way they carry themselves, so wild and raw, a power of nature, these natives hair can play a huge part when when presenting themselves to the world. One of their game tecniques is the push-pull. They enjoy a good chasing, and it's also a way for them to test you if you're worthy of their time (yeah, they have big egos, so beware of that)

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Virgo/aspecting Mercury/6°,18°: The unattainable one. Like seriously, people get obsessed over conquering the heart of this person just because of their nitpickiness and because they are unavailable 24/7. Others can get obsessed over fantasizing on these natives and creating stereotipes when they didn't even shared a conversation in the first place like...this is some powerful stuff. They naturally look so put together, when they wear basics it looks hot on them. Their seduction way is showing how skilled and talented they are, they can literally do anything when they activate the Sirene energy, they get obsessed over a thing and practice until they have mastered it (coff coff, hello... low self esteem and need of appreciation from others 👀). However, once they get some potential suitors they lowkey refuse them like they don't need them anymore, lmao, this is what drives them craaaaazy, "you did all that stuff for mee and now you're walking away? " 👁👄👁 Lemme get some morreee.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Libra/aspecting Venus/7°,19°: The too good to be true one. They put sooo much thought and intention and effort to present themselves that everyone can't help but look at them all the time. On top of this magnificent presentation add also a flirtatious and extroverted personality that pleases literally everyone around them and BOOM, you can't excape the trap of falling for them. They have a gracious and light aura, great posture and poise, literally princesses/princes. They truly feel like royalty, they also have this natural rich people vibe if you know what i mean. The best at getting what they want in social settings, can have a very innocent vibe that people love. People pleasing is their tecnique to get what they're after. They are one of the most seductive signs in this asteroid, but they're kinda unaware of it. I mean, sure, they know they're pretty but they don't know how many hearts they rob. Even strangers gets captivated by their charming presence, most likely to have suitors telling them "it was love at first sight".

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Scorpio/aspecting Pluto/8°,20°: Heavy aura, attracts anything without even trying. They know how to make an entrance (Leos too, but Scorpios are much more subtle, and still, they get so much attention). People automatically throws themselves at these natives, all it takes is a glance and a little smirk and they living magnets. These people holds the throphy for being the MOST seductive of all the Sirene asteroid's signs . There's just something so intoxicating about them, you can't not get obsessed with them. They are the ones that has to be particularly careful of their aura because they are in this energy all the time and they attract a lot of stalkers, obsessive people, so these are (and should be) the natives that should have firm and clear boundaries. They'll find themselves stepping down at times just to calm this powerful magnetizing field around them, especially if they don't like the spotlight, but if the rest of the chart has placements that like to be the center of attention, this is surely a bombshell placement (watch out for the immense envy/jealousy from others)

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Sagittarius/aspecting Jupiter/9°,21°: Their spontaneity is contagious. They're hot and cool, and know how to talk to people. Give them a night and they will befriend literally everyone at the party, and will reap so many opportunities out of nowhere. A favourite of the masses. Sometimes they can be a little loud and can get envy/jealousy from others, probably because of a rigid opinion they have, but they surely know how to play with it, telling jokes and conquering again the trust of those that didn't like them. They have such a careless and free spirit that they literally live day by day, without worrying much about the future, and people find this extremey hot. This placement is one of the most underrated one in terms of seduction, honestly when researching for this asteroid i found many siren-like women in our history that had/have Sirene in this sign, and i think it makes sense thinking about it, because Sirens are in their natural habitat out in the wild, so there's a sense of familiarity between the native and the raw energy of Sirens.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Capricorn/aspecting Saturn/10°,22°: The strategic and cold diva. People cannot enter their inner world and their vulnerabilities and this drives them mad and obsessed over knowing what's behind the mask. Can embrace their seductive charm later in life (probably from their 30s on). I have noticed these natives can have strong facial features that are difficult to forget. Attracts wealthy suitors, or will use their seduction to attract opportunity to get into power positions. They have an authoritative and mature aura, slow but decisive movements, can be intimidating to others, big D energy. Demanding of others and themselves. Calculating every move they make, good at getting the favour of those in charge. Could find themselves attracted to older/more mature people or they could attract them a lot. Intense, can be similar to Scorpio Sirene, but people are much more wary when approaching them (this is why usually older people are attracted to these natives, because they give off the vibe of knowing what they want)

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Aquarius/aspecting Uranus/11°,23°: The one that to seduce just have to be authentic and nonchalant. Weird in a cool way, they catch people's attentions without even knowing, but just doing their thing. Their independence and uniqueness are their strong seduction charms. They're pretty unaware of their appeal because they don't even care about seduction in the first place, they have other things that go onto their mind. Their authenticity and disinterest may not attract many suitors, but the ones that get attracted by them are genuine and shares similarities to them, so they might find even THE ONE with this non-method-method. If they're interested in seducing, they might use very peculiar and unconventional ways to do so.

⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕⁓⁕

⁕ Pisces/aspecting Neptune/12°,24°: The innocent mysterious person everyone is secretly obsessed with. People will find themselves having wild fantasies on this person and not even knowing why. The way they walk and talk is smooth and divine, like they have a light surrounding themselves. Their eyes always seem to wonder around, like they're never in the present moment, and this fascinates people a lot. If they make eye contact when talking to you or listening to you, they will hypotize you 100%, even if they're not really listening or are having other thoughts. There's just something so enchanting and special about their eyes, also, often these people will have unique eyes or stunning shapes/colours (ex. Liz Taylor has Sirene in Pisces and she is known for having one of the rarest world's eye colour, purple). The least aware of their Sirene charm of all the signs.

M o r e ⁕ o b s e r v a t i o n s:

Water sirene: innocent and wandering eyes

smooth and relaxing voices

Fire sirene: fierce and sexy eyes

clear and powerful voices

Air sirene: playful and flirty eyes

high pitched, unique and chameleon voices (good at changing their tone depending on the situation)

Earth sirene: sweet and calm eyes

deep and warm voices

And you've reached the end of this post! 💄

I hope you enjoyed it, i kinda wanted to include the houses too, but i think it'd been way too long to digest, so stay tuned for another post on Sirene in the houses

Edit: I published Sirene in the houses too! Click below to read the post (i also included Celebs examples)✨

I wish you all a wonderful day ahead! ✨

Yours,

Linnie

[arrenlebanen777]

ASTROLOGY 🌿🌿🌿 Degrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This post is for all the people that is asking me questions about Degrees! and for anyone who wants to know a little more, but lets do it in order for your understanding! FIRST: 1)Houses: Areas of life. 2)Signs: How is for you that area of life and how you are in that area of life in general. 3)Planets/Asteroids: Characters/Archetypes of an area of life. *if Planets and asteroids are in conjunction, they fussionate each other creating a synergy expression of them* 4)Degrees: Are the expression of the Planet/Asteroid(s) in that area of life/in general. *Degrees have a double loaded energy: It gives you the approach/expression of that planet/asteroid but also gives you the issues related to the degree sign that you have to face/work in that area of life/in general*

SECOND: Aries: 1, 13, 25 -Approach/Expression: Bold, confident, blunt, warrior, confrontational, masculine. -Issues: Abuse, Fighting, Assertiveness, aggressiveness, individuality, impatience, frustration, impulsivity. Taurus: 2, 14, 26 -Approach/expression: Patient, ambitious, grounded, elegance, sensual, romantic. -Issues: Criticism, slow, stubborn, materialism, hedonism, values. Gemini: 3, 15, 27 -Approach/expression: witty, playful, intelligent, light-hearted, curious. -Issues: Nervousness, immaturity, inner adult, taking things too lightly, too childish, mental. Cancer: 4, 16, 28 -Approach/expression: Nurturing, warm, tender, emotional, deepness. -Issues: lazy, too emotional, comfort zone, emotional maturity/intelligence, manipulation. Leo: 5, 17, 29 -Approach/expression: Expansive, radiant, bold, confident, playful, dominant, creative. -Issues: narcissism, arrogance, egocentrism, attention/validation seeking, childish, emptiness. Virgo: 6, 18 -Approach/expression: Practical, analytical, thoughtful, intelligent, reserved, servicial. -Issues: Health issues, Mental-health issues, OCD, anxiety, mental blocks, turmoil. Libra: 7, 19 -Approach/expression: charismatic, calm, balanced, beauty, good sense of justice, sociable. -Issues: people pleasing, putting others before themselves, anger issues, double sided, condescension, superficiality. Scorpio: 8, 20 -Approach/expression: Powerful, intense, passionate, extreme, mysterious, magnetic. -Issues: Power struggles, abuse, manipulation, overly secretiveness, lying, addictions. Sagittarius: 9, 21 -Approach/expression: Motivated, extrovert, fiery, philosophical, expansive, fun. -Issues: hypocrisy, overindulgence, superficiality, arrogance. Capricorn: 10, 22 -Approach/expression: Ambitious, determined, perseverance, strict, disciplined, strong. -Issues: shadow, inner critic, responsibility, maturity, real structure, honesty. Aquarius: 11, 23 -Approach/expression: Different, original, intelligent, sharp, unique, individualistic, altruism, humanitarian -Issues: bring ideas down to earth, idealism, unpredictability, escapism, collective unconscious, kinks. Pisces: 12, 24 -Approach/expression: Spiritual, mystic, alluring, mysterious, soft, compasive. -Issues: confusion, lack of boundaries, uprooting, delusional.

🌿Hope it has served you a little bitl!, I made it simple and practical for your understanding so that you can begin to understand/interpret your own placements🌿

[queenofthelanternfish]

Hi! I wanted to ask you a few questions about Odessa... :3

1- Is she innocent? If so, she is very

2- How did they discover her autism?

3- Does she do any kind of martial arts?

4- Does she draw well?

5- Does she go to school? If so, what is she like at school?

6- Is she gifted?

7-What are the signs that she is angry?

8- What is her reaction when she gets something she really wants?

9- How tall are you? And your weight..?

10- Is she hiding something from Entrapta and Hordak?

11- As a hybrid, how was your puberty?

12- Is your adult life difficult?

13- Does she have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

14- Does she speak another language?

15- How does Entrapta treat Odessa and how does Hordak treat her?

hi! sorry for taking a bit, I finally have the time to answer these so here I am!

1) honestly, she's not! she's legally banned on several planets and has a tendency to take her research to unethical degrees in the name of progress. while her methods can be questionable, the results of her research speak for themselves, and there's a good reason she eventually creates her own medical empire.

2) honestly, it's never formally diagnosed because it was never regarded as an issue for her or her family. it was likely suspected when she was a toddler though since she was nonverbal for the first 3 years of her life, and only spoke in sign language.

3) yes, she was trained young to fight and knows multiple forms of martial arts.

4) nope! she can't draw, she could if she wanted to but has no interest lol

5) she graduated college at 16, and has multiple degrees. she is a star student, if not to an almost annoying degree because she can easily surpass her teachers despite being so young. her peers range from respecting her and following her around to being resentful and skeptical that someone so young- a half breed no less- can be so knowledgeable and advanced.

6) extremely gifted. see above.

7) the first sign is she'll go completely silent, giving a very severe death stare. if you look closely at her, you can even see her whole body shake with rage.

8) probably would happy stim, little hand claps and the like, a little squeal too if she's feeling particularly excited!

9) are you... talking about me or odessa? if you mean odessa, she starts off as 5'7" in her later teen years and about 150 pounds. as she gets older, she continues to grow until she reaches 7'3" and about 220 pounds. if you mean me, I'm not disclosing that.

10) yes

11) she technically went through two puberties. her first was like that of any human, growth spurts, voice change, maturing figure, all of this happens around 12-13 years old. when she hits her 30s, she goes through another growth spurt, stronger bone density, stronger immune system, increased durability, etc..

12) is my adult life difficult?? I mean, yes and no, I suppose? if you mean odessa's adult life, it starts off pretty nice but as her long lifespan becomes more of a detriment than a gift, it becomes increasingly difficult and numbing. she loses a lot of people she loves throughout her life, and her only constant is her work.

13) she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend throughout her story.

14) she knows multiple alien languages in order to upkeep with her rapidly growing empire of planets.

15) entrapta treats odessa very lovingly! she gives odessa a lot of independence, but isn't afraid to give her baby lots of hugs and kisses when she can. entrapta also has hallways upon hallways of portraits of odessa throughout her life. while her daughter is a little embarrassed about all the portraits, she loves her mother very much and will defend her at all costs. odessa is entrapta's favorite science project! for hordak, he is more subdued with his affections towards her, but the small gestures say a lot and she is incredibly close with her father and respects him a lot. he also gives her a lot of independence, but also wishes her to be safe, teaching her how to fight, and not wanting her to be discriminated for being a half clone hybrid. he is extremely protective of her well-being, and simply wants his little girl to flourish despite the obstacles ahead of her.

[dougiejack]

get to know me

Tagged by @butchmarner ♥️♥️

Do you make your bed?

lmao no. never have, probably never will. Not with any kind of regularity.

Favourite number?

When I was like 15 I decided I needed to assign myself a favorite number and also that it could NOT be anyone else's favorite number and the one I landed on is 13,306.

What's your job?

I'm a chef. I used to be a restaurant chef, now I am a corporate chef (which means I get to work normal person hours and have a life)

If you could go back to school, would you?

yes and no, I would like to get a "real" degree so I could theoretically get a desk job at some point in the future when my body quits on me, but the idea of actually doing school again sounds terrible.

Can you parallel park?

I can but I rarely do, I am a "back into the spot" ass bitch tho.

Do you think aliens are real?

I think they exist in the sense that there must be another planet with life somewhere in the universe, I don't believe they are here

Can you drive a manual car?

No but one time I had a dream that I could that was so realistic that my friend was willing to let me try it in her car just to see if I could.

Guilty pleasure?

I actively try not to experience guilt over that which brings me pleasure.

Tattoos?

I have a few, they don't go together or look good lmao. I like it that way.

Favourite colour?

Purple

Favourite type of music?

Late 90s alt-rock and early 2000s emo

Do you like puzzles?

I love puzzles

Any phobias?

spiders, vomit, large dogs

Favourite childhood sport?

I hated sports as a kid. hated playing them, hated watching them.

Do you talk to yourself?

All the damn time

Tea or coffee?

Coffee, but I have to put so much nonsense in it to make it not taste like coffee that I might as well just drink soda lmao.

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

I think I wanted to be a singer/actor? Not to psychoanalyze tiny Eliot but basically the only time I would get a positive reaction from people was by making them laugh or entertaining them in some way, so it was always my dream to entertain professionally.

What movies do you adore?

Titanic, Star Trek 2, 3, 4, 9, and 11 (I think the pine-verse is 9 through 11 but I might be misremembering), idk I can't think of movies which is insane because they used to be my whole life (ask me about working at blockbuster it was the best time of my life)

Thanks so much for tagging me! I'm gonna tag @devilssacrament @hischiersjohnston @hischierlovebot @mikathemad @dartducks @imperatorrrrr @hockey-stressed

[gleecycore]

all of my nieces’ big threes ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

this is going to be interesting because i actually grew up with them so idk how accurate this interpretation is going to be but we’ll give it a shot! also, i’m going to preface this by saying, i do this for fun! in no way am i saying these are concrete facts, but just my research and from my personal experience (ノ*°▽°*)

oldest:

☉ in gemini @ 17°

☾ in gemini @ 27°

⇧ in gemini @ 2°

all in the 1st house!!!!

she’s a gemini stellium okayyy! a stellium is basically having 3+ placements in the same sign or house indicating a heightened level of focus on the sign/house. so having these gemini placements suggests that her mind is constantly full of thoughts and ideas; she’s probably really curious about a lot of things possessing an agile mind. gemini is ruled by mercury which is the planet of communication, thinking, and learning. one of my best friends who’s teaching me more astrology asked if she was a chatter box and surprisingly enough, she’s not! she’s actually quite reserved and i’m trying to figure out why. it gotta be other placements because the degrees aren’t really- in any position to be introverted. 17° is a leo degree, 27° is a gemini degree, and 2° is a taurus degree…none of which really scream secrecy or- i guess taurus gives off a reserved vibe being an earth sign but the degrees can only affect the placements so much, yk? and leo is a fire sign and is ruled by the sun which is the ego, vitality, energy, it gives extrovert. same with a gemini degree being an air sign, known to be social butterflies. i mean, i guess she do be hanging out with her friends outside of school, but does that really mean she’s extroverted? or a social butterfly? i don’t think soooooo, lolz. she’s probably really knowledgeable in areas she’s interested in. since her whole big three is in the first house, this’ll be kinda easy to wrap up—sun, moon, and rising all being in the first house typically means there’s a sense of unity and cohesion among the major facets of her personality with consistency. but i guess just bc she has all this gemini energy doesn’t necessarily imply she’ll relate to every single characteristic of a gemini possibly redefining what a traditional gemini would act like and help people gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be a gemini.

middle:

☉ in aquarius in the 9th house @ 12°

☾ in sagittarius in the 6th house @ 11°

⇧ in gemini in the 1st house @ 13°

crazy her sun is in the 9H at 12° bc my sun is in the 9H but @ 15° b-BUT my ascendant is @ 12°. her ascendant is in gemini too like her ate awww they understand each other. but anyways! aquarius is ruled by saturn being the traditional ruler but also uranus which is the modern ruler. as mentioned in previous posts, saturn is the planet of restriction, maturity, order, time, etc. whilst uranus is the planet of rebellion, freedom, originality, unpredictability, etc. lemme tell ya, she be unpredictable asf! i feel like—my best friend is more influenced by saturn from my previous post, and my niece is more influenced by the modern ruler. in the 9th house, it’s all about travel, wisdom, philosophy, higher education, law & religion, etc. as it is a sagittarius ruled house. so she probably has strong faith, which i’m sure she does; passionate, smart, probably loves to travel. at a pisces degree, 12° she’s supposedly enigmatic but like in the most not mysterious way possible. moon is in sagittarius and her younger sis is a sagittarius rising, that’s so wild to me. but anyways, the moon is your sense of security, your emotions, your instincts, your roots, etc. in sagittarius, she’s really enthusiastic, very energetic, upbeat, and cheerful—she needs her freedom like her aquarius sun—i would argue she’s a free spirit forsure. sagittarius is ruled by jupiter, the planet of expansion, optimism, good luck, etc. at 11° which is an aquarius degree, she probably tries to find a reason for everything dealing with emotions and feelings as aquarius is quite rational and analytical. just a hunch! it also doesn’t help that her moon is in a virgo ruled house which also tends to be on the analytical side, all about health fitness, systems, analytical nature, pets, work habits, organization, sense of usefulness, and service given. that’s the 6H. ascendant in gemini means she comes off as a gemini when you first meet her, and i can see that! because if anything! she’s the chatter box instead of her ate! lmao! laf out loud! at 13°, an aries degree, she’s probably struggled with her appearance growing up or possibly got bullied for it. she’s an athlete! a student athlete at that, they also have a whiff of authority to them. aries is a cardinal sign after all.

youngest:

☉ in virgo in the 10th house @ 24°

☾ in leo in the 9th house @ 27°

⇧ in sagittarius in the 1st house @ 3°

sun in virgo! finally some earth sign! in the 10th house, ooooo i like that. so the sun in virgo would imply they have a sense of order- or- she’s very practical. a perfectionist maybe?? i’m not too close to her so i can’t really say much about how she is. she is pretty introverted, i will say which is never a bad thing. she may be good at organization. @ 24°, a pisces degree, she’s very mysterious i will say, a lot more than her ate or both her ates/older sisters. aw her sister’s sun is a pisces degree as well, that’s so cute. being in the 10th house, which is a capricorn ruled house, i will say she’s probably really calculated with her career, long-term goals, status, reputation, public image, etc. she’s a virgo sun, ofc she’s like five steps ahead- probably. her moon is in leo, she may have an emotional need for recognition or acknowledgment. i’d say she’s quite motivated and inspiring, she plays the piano and she’s into basketball. big heart awww, and her moon is in the 9th house awww she gets along with her ate closest to her age, the sister i just talked about in the last paragraph. she probably understands her the most, maybe. i don’t wanna jump the gun. @ 27° is a gemini degree, which deals with a lot of twos! she has two older sisters! and lastly, her ascendant in sagittarius @ 3°. already, i talked about how i like sagittarius risings, they’re passionate about what they do, being a mutable sign as well, they’re understanding, open-minded, and thinkers! they adjust well to change as well. @ 3°, is also a gemini degree which rules communication. she probably has trouble speaking her mind a little bit but once you’re close to her, she’ll definitely show that passion, that drive, jupiter doing it’s big one with her!

and fin!

i miss them sm, even tho they’re literally like half an hour away from me rn HAHAHAHA and i just saw them a few days ago fr. this was fun to do! it was very interesting researching their placements. i hope to dissect their whole birth charts soon! but yeah, i love them, they love each other it’s so cute. :3 thx for reading! i’ll be posting more soon so, stay tuned >:D

[writers-get-biters]

hii! i have a bunch of questions. i tried to trim down the list a bit, i hope it's not too many :p feel free to skip any!!

☕ - what is switching like for you?

🪐 - what is headspace like for you?

🌧️ - how does the system cope with stress?

🎁 - have you ever bought your alters/headmates things?

💬 - free space!! tell me about something! (if you want :3)

omg hello!

we love answering questions abt our plurality so dw at all :]

"☕ - what is switching like for you?"

we have varying ideas/theories/experiences of it (some of which contradict), but generally switching feels a lot more like 'becoming' each other than fully letting someone else 'take over' in an external-to-the-current-fronter way if that makes sense bc of our mediple[flux]ness & our particular type of quoiconsciousness. most of us like switching quite a bit bc it feels validating and good to experience our plurality at its most obvious(?). we don't really [someone is saying "sometimes" but i cant remember the last time one of us recognized it] experience any of the "common symptoms" of switching like headaches or similar, so we usually know by a shift in beliefs (especially those abt our plurality [such as how distinct we are or what consciousness label is "correct"]) and identity and sometimes behaviors/instincts(?) (we have a few people who are the "main selfshippers" so if we're suddenly in the mood for that we can narrow it down to them).

"🪐 - what is headspace like for you?"

it's quite cool imo! we're between a dreamway & gateway system, and we've had/have been working on our headspace since we were like 8/9/10 maybe? though back then it was just like the thing that we used to connect our daydreams and stuff, like we had this street with all these doors and different doors led to different daydreams and stuff. later, it expanded beyond that to become a whole fantasy world/planet. it's pretty unique bc instead of the different lands/continents being on the central planet, theyre actually on the ring made of natural glass around the central planet. we have 15 realms/layers that appear as different lands/continents embedded in the ring.

aside from the physical structure of our innerworld, they also work in ways unlike shared reality [supposedly] does. events can happen there that are not considered "canon" or blur the line between "canon" and "noncanon." most of the time, the headspace itself tries to adhere to "canon," sometimes causing small timeloops in order to nudge us towards it. [almost?] all of the ceters [<- the term we prefer to headmates/alters/etc; sysmates is also fine tho] can still remember "noncanon" events though. 3 of the lands are uniquely/inherently fuzzy wrt "canon" in a way none of us are sure of quite yet.

we also have developed some understanding of the history of this world. the planet was created when two smaller moons that were essentially made of geodes/gemstones [let's say theyre called "derse" and "prospit" ;) ] crashed into each other causing them to merge and create rings of sand and larger landmasses around them. i believe this happened due to some sort of explosion of one of the planets the moons were circling, so the whole area was very hot. after the collision, though, the temperature dropped rapidly, causing the glass ring to form with the lands inside. we also have many tales about how people began to appear here, which i'll simplify as "there was a rock that burst open into a tree and when the first leaf fell, it broke into many tiny pieces which became people."

there's a lot more we could say lol, but we wanna answer the rest of the questions :] feel free 2 ask more abt it if u(&) wanna know more!

"🌧️ - how does the system cope with stress?"

um. not well? we find that we usually naturally become less distinct in stressful situations and have a much harder time communicating. trying to combat this by focusing more on our plurality generally helps with stress i think but the degree to which it does varies and usually depends on how big the stressor. ("we shld probs work on our coping skills ngl.." "i don't even know what coping is..." "um,,,,, thats not good.")

"🎁 - have you ever bought your alters/headmates things?"

sorta! our financial situation is a bit complicated rn bc we're a dependant, so we usually ask for things rather than buy it. when we ask for things, we (usually?) want it for everyone's usage, but it often has like associations with certain ceters. sometimes the association is with whoever asked for it, but other times it's intended for someone else to use, even if anyone who fronts is welcome to it. recently, jake got a book that was mostly intended for helix to read, but it's been mostly me in front for a few days now so ive been reading it.

"💬 - free space!! tell me about something! (if you want :3)"

ooh...

ok i dont know so ill j show off a draft of what our planet looks like and the flag we made for our system!

planet draft:

it's only a draft but it gives an idea of what it looks like. the lands arent visible in this one though :/

we're gonna put our personal system flag under the cut bc it's very much eyestrain! also, thank you(&) for asking stuff!

cw: eyestrain!

:)

thank you(&) so much for the questions! we had a lot of fun answering them!

[indignantlemur]

Hiya.

We all know andorian = cold, any thought on actual values in degrees? Especially interested in room temperature as compared to earth, and Dagmar’s temperature control of her home compared to ever else, architecturally speaking. Thanks!

Hi! Thanks for the ask!

So, for baseline information we know that Andoria is a very cold Class M moon orbiting a ringed gas giant (Andor) some distance away from the system's star. I believe it's the fifth planet from the star that serves as the system's sun, which is generally listed as Procyon VIII. Its surface is mostly - but not entirely - frozen and it has extensive polar caps when compared to Earth. Roughly 80% of the surface is covered in water, primarily saltwater, and the remaining 20% is divided into two continents.

Let's start outside and work inwards for this one.

The Surface: We're not really given a consistent temperature for Andoria's surface, or the temperatures of their subterranean cities, so the following is all loosely researched headcanons.

Depending on location and season, I generally have the surface temperature hovering at an average temperature of about -30°C to -45°C in winter with low humidity, rising to a balmy -20°C to -1°C in spring with very high humidity. Summer temperatures hover between -10°C and -1°C but with only slightly elevated humidity values. Autumn sees a sharp drop back into the negatives with an average surface temperature of -15°C to -30°C and lower humidity values.

For context, saltwater freezes at -1.8°C. Spring is a dangerous time in Andoria due to the slight thawing of sea ice, which makes the surface around coastal cities like Laibok and Laikan more perilous than that of more stable inland settlements.

The temperatures in different areas vary, depending on where exactly one is located. The coastal cities tend to be on the cooler side of things in summer and very slightly warmer in winter, but the trade off is that they are significantly more humid. Inland cities get more of the temperature extremes with lower humidity. The further towards the poles one gets, the more extreme the temperature gets.

Spring is a time of dangerous thaws and instability, and while the temperatures don't look like much the fact that so much saltwater can begin to melt - especially in proximity to the underground cities with their geothermal heating - can be very, very dangerous indeed. Most 'coastal' cities are not actually on the coast to avoid flooding and various predators, but they are close enough that the stability of the ice can be compromised nonetheless. Summer is a little worse for melts and floes, but the surface is also prone to violent wind storms and sudden snow-dumps. The ambient temperature mid-summer might be -1°C, but the windchill is still going to make everything feel like it's below -10°C. The temperature never rises above zero regardless of the season.

When Dagmar was up on the surface, that part of Andoria above the city of Laibok was only just starting to enter it's spring season, so the surface temperature was still extremely low but with a rising humidity that serves as a prelude to warmer temperatures. It would have been around -35°C, though Dagmar incorrectly identifies the temperature as -45°C since that's the average temperature for that time of year. Forgive her for not paying attention to surface temperature reports - she wasn't exactly expecting to be up there to experience any of it, and once it gets past a certain threshold for cold, it's very hard for most people to tell what the temperature actually is beyond oh god-oh fuck-I'm gonna die.

The City: Laibok, the city Dagmar inhabits, is deep underground and thoroughly encased in a thick shell of ice. The ice acts as a very effective form of insulation, keeping the ambient temperatures within Laibok at a comparatively mild range of -15°C to -10°C all year round. Extensive ventilation carved throughout the ice prevents any build up of excess heat which might compromise the ice, and modern advancements in that area have done wonders for ensuring that there is steady airflow throughout the very lowest levels of Laibok without compromising the integrity of the ice surrounding the city.

All Andorian cities, even the rare few surface settlements, use geothermal heating wherever they can, and using hot water/steam for heating is common. Deep below the ice they have access to a number of hot springs as well (with temperatures ranging from this-will-melt-the-flesh-from-your-bones to more gentle hot-tub levels), which they utilise fully as not only communal gathering areas but as tiny farms, since the earth below the ice there is actually thawed enough to work. Since there is an excess of hot water to work with, residential building and larger public buildings will often have heated floors, but it's not universal as some of the oldest buildings are considered heritage sites and cannot have such things installed without damaging the site.

That said, the average room temperature underground tends to be almost exactly 1°C, with heating, as a matter of general preference. Andorians don't mind heat, but they also don't mind the cold either unless it's extreme. Their physiology makes them much less affected by external temperature shifts than a Human would be in the same situation. Without heating, the ambient room temperature hovers around -5°C, varying slightly depending on whether or not there are a lot of bodies generating heat in the room - though Andorians don't produce as much heat as Humans, having a lower core temperature, they do still contribute heat to their environment. All Andorian buildings regardless of heating situation are heavily insulated not just to retain heat inside their structures but to prevent heat from affecting the surrounding environs.

Laibok does not represent inherently dire conditions for Dagmar as a Human, but she could still develop and succumb to hypothermia quite easily in those temperatures nonetheless. Hence why all of her gear is embedded with thermal regulators. Humans can still die of hypothermia even at 0°C, after all - it just takes a few hours, usually.

The Apartment: Dagmar's apartment is a heavily retrofitted 'work-sleep' apartment, the sort often used by Andorians who need to be close to hand for their jobs but don't actually reside in an area full-time. Because of her physiological needs, it was necessary for the original apartment to have extensive modifications made to its heating systems, and additional layers of insulation throughout the apartment were necessary to prevent the increased temperature from affecting surrounding apartments and environs. This is partly why Thelen comments that her apartment feels small - it is. Square footage was definitely lost in the retrofits, but the end result is a small fortress of carefully insulated heat that Dagmar can safely live in without thermal regulators.

The ambient temperature inside the apartment hovers at about 10°C, mostly to avoid a dramatic a case of temperature shock every time Dagmar steps out the door but also because Dagmar generally sleeps better and feels more comfortable at lower temperatures. She prefers to layer up on sweaters and blankets over cranking the heat up, generally speaking, so the lower temperature also helps visiting Andorians feel more comfortable.

I think I managed to answer everything, but if I missed anything please let me know!

[whump-me]

Martyr, Chapter 15: The Occasional Luxury

Chapter 15 of Martyr, a novel-length sci-fi whump story about a captured Martian rebel with a secret and the renowned interrogator who has waited a decade for the chance to break him. This series is best read in order. Masterpost here.

Contains: whumper POV, no onscreen whump (but read it anyway, it’ll be worth it for what it leads into in the next chapter, I promise)

---

Isadora

She had gotten to him.

Oh, he had tried not to react. But as it turned out, when he was listening to one of his fellow rebels scream, it was a lot harder for him to summon that irritating smirk to his face. She had seen the stab of anguish he had tried to hide, and heard it in the rasp of his uneven breathing.

He was still stubborn, of course—if she had asked the question a third time, he would have given her a third refusal, and perhaps even begun to steel himself against his fellow prisoner’s pain. Which was why she was giving him some time to think instead. A few hours in his cell to picture everything she could inflict on the other man would do it. No doubt whatever his imagination conjured up would be worse than the reality.

Stubborn was fixable. The important part was that she had elicited a genuine reaction. Finally, she had read the man right.

The ghost of a genuine smile played at the edges of her lips as she strolled into her small bathroom. She knelt by the side of the high-walled bathtub and turned on the water.

The bathtub wasn’t exactly standard issue. One had to conserve every resource on a lifeless hunk of rock like this, which made baths an appalling waste of water. That was why the bathtub was so short that she could only sit in it with her knees pulled up to her chest—the room wasn’t built for one. She had put in the day after Earth had given her the top desk.

Rank had its privileges.

She almost never took advantage of those perks. But every so often, even she desired her creature comforts.

She tested the water under her hand and adjusted it until it was hot enough to turn her pale skin lobster-red. She poured in the scented oil she had imported from Earth at great expense. The rich scent of jasmine filled the air, activated by the heat of the water. A sheen of oil coated the surface, shimmering with amber light.

She undid each button on her uniform coat, with the slow solemnity of a sacred ritual. She slipped it off her shoulders and let it puddle on the floor. Her shirt followed, and her pants. Her undergarments went last, tight and functional things that held her body under as strict control as she kept her mind. They left red marks behind on her skin—just under her rib cage, at the tops of her thighs, and a thick angry stripe across her waist.

She dipped one toe into the water. The temperature was perfect—a mere few degrees below being boiled alive. The bathtub was the one place she preferred to feel something other than cold. As she slipped into the water, her breath sighed out of her, taking the day’s tension with it.

The tub had been built to her exact measurements—even with her knees up to her chest, the water rose high enough to brush the top of her kneecaps and nearly hit her chin. The water rippled in the wake of her movement, wafting the jasmine scent up toward her nose. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes.

Those who worked under her said she indulged in nothing. It was part of her mystique. And for the most part, it was true. She allowed herself no distractions—not the large ones like idiotic workplace flirtations, and not the small ones like following some sports team. The only thing she allowed herself to care about was this hateful planet, because somebody had to.

She had bristled when her therapist had brought up survival guilt, but now, with the distance of years, she could see it as a plain fact. Back then, she had felt the need to earn her life, because having it handed to her through sheer dumb luck was not only profoundly unsatisfying but left her making fruitless calculations about who the universe should have saved in her place, based on their relative value to the military and to humanity as a whole.

By the time she had gotten that out of her system, she had been with Special Security long enough to see that the sloppy attitudes that had led to the attack had not abated. After that, it was about the fact that no one else was willing to make the sacrifice. No one else was willing to be what was needed—an avatar of singleminded devotion. Melodramatic? Perhaps. But better that than careless.

In ten years, she hadn’t had any lovers. She had no vices, both because she didn’t have the time and because indulgence was a bad habit that led to sloppiness and laziness. She had seen it ten years ago in the resentful soldiers who coped with their disappointing assignment by spending their time drinking and gambling and coaxing their way into the local girls’ pants. And every time Earth sent her a fresh batch of new recruits, she had to train them out of the same habits.

She’d had no visits with her family back on Earth for years—her aging parents, her brother, her two nieces. Not only because of the distraction, but for pragmatic reasons—trips back and forth were simply too expensive. They used to send messages back and forth, but they had all fallen out of the habit over the years, because they couldn’t relate to her life and she couldn’t relate to theirs.

But every so often, when she achieved an exceptional victory, she allowed herself a reward. A water-squandering bath to ease the ache in her muscles that came from long hours pacing back and forth in the interrogation rooms—not to mention the constant adjustment to the dome’s gravity, which she still hadn’t fully adjusted to, even after this long. And, to go along with her bath, a bar of fine imported Earth chocolate.

Both were, of course, strictly forbidden. Her office would need to forge paperwork allowing a special dispensation for the water usage—a flagrant misuse of Special Security resources—and chocolate was on the list of nonessential Earth imports, which had been closed off for the past four years. But for the head of Special Security, the authorities were willing to look the other way. And knowing whose palms to grease didn’t hurt.

She knew she really should have waited for the bath until she had persuaded Wraith to both give her the statement and give up the other rebels. She hadn’t won the final victory yet. But her muscles needed the relaxation. Besides, there would be victory celebrations aplenty when she brought down the leader of the rebellion for good. Earth would throw her a parade if she made it possible for them to stop pouring so much money into Special Security’s operations. She would put on the face of the conquering hero for them, show them what they wanted to see. But this moment was for her alone.

She slid deeper into the water until her chin dipped under the surface. The water lapped at her lips. She tilted her head up, eyes still closed, and let out an involuntary moan of satisfaction.

She dangled one hand over the side of the tub, leaned over, and fumbled around on the floor until she found the small glass plate that held her chocolate bar, already unwrapped. She brought it to her lips, breathed in the dark, rich scent, and took a bite.

The chocolate snapped off cleanly between her teeth. She closed her lips around the small chunk and let it melt on the center of her tongue, turning from a solid to a thick liquid nectar. This was the good stuff—not the cheap grocery-store chocolate of her childhood, and certainly not the synthetic chocolate they tried to pass off as the real thing here on Mars, the crumbly bars that tasted of sand and sawdust with too much sugar mixed in. This was bitter melting into sweet, until she couldn’t tell the difference between the two. It flowed past the boundaries of smell and taste to encompass all her senses, transporting her to an ancient forest filled with mist and tree trunks too wide for her to stretch her arms around, and a candlelit underground cave thick with the loamy smell of history. It transported her off this barren rock, and that alone was worth the bribes she had paid on top of the import fees.

A soft ping made her eyes snap open. Someone was at the front door.

She looked down at the rest of the chocolate bar, barely touched. She had planned to make it last another twenty minutes at least, until the water cooled enough to stop making her skin tingle with heat. That was usually long enough for her to grow restless and abandon her brief indulgence for the constant pull of her duties.

She had been looking forward to those twenty minutes.

She closed her eyes and waited. Maybe if she did nothing, whoever was there would assume she wasn’t in. But the Earth forest was gone, and so was the cave. The only thing she could picture was someone waiting impatiently at the door while she lay here unprepared.

The ping came again.

She reached over the side of the tub again, dripping oily water all over her pristine bathroom floor, until she found her comm. “This isn’t a good time,” she said, her voice tightly controlled. “Come back in half an hour.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” came Grayson’s voice, “but this is urgent.”

The chocolate was melting in her hand, leaving sticky smears across her fingers. She set it down carefully on the plate. “I handed over everything to you until further notice,” she reminded him. “Are you saying you can’t handle that?” Then she frowned. She had handed Special Security over to him for a reason, and it wasn’t because he was incompetent. “Are you telling me something came up that you can’t handle?” For the life of her, she couldn’t imagine what that might be.

“You gave me responsibility for everything but your current prisoner,” he answered. “And this is about that prisoner.” He followed up with a disconcertingly long pause before adding.

“Five minutes,” she snapped, and disconnected the calm.

Five minutes later, she answered the door with wet hair dripping all over her rumpled uniform. If the sight—or the smell of jasmine drifting off her damp skin—surprised him, he had the sense not to show it. His face was a mask of professional neutrality.

Except for the panic deep in his eyes that only Isadora’s professionally honed senses would have been capable of picking up.

Isadora tensed at that look. It didn’t belong on his stolid, capable face. “Come in,” she ordered.

He walked in, closed the door, locked it, double-checked the lock. “I had a little free time after lunch,” he said. “I took the liberty of sifting through some old files, trying to bring closure to a certain matter that was never resolved.”

“In other words, you wanted to go above and beyond the task I set you, in order to impress me with your capabilities,” Isadora said. “There was no need for that. If I didn’t already know you were up to the task, I wouldn’t have given you this responsibility.”

“Do you remember the issue with the surveillance photos ten years ago?” Grayson asked. “The glitch that corrupted the files that were rumored to show the rebellion leader’s face?”

Isadora’s jaw clenched at the memory. “How could I forget?” More incompetence from Earth—another careless failure that had cost time and effort and lives. The initial attack had been the only time the leader of the rebellion had actually come out to do his own dirty work, or at least the only time he had been careless enough to get caught on camera. And the first head of the newly formed Special Security, back when Isadora was still cooling her heels in therapy on Earth, had bungled the data retrieval and cost them their chance at the footage.

“Technology has improved on Earth in the past ten years,” Grayson said. “A friend of a friend knows a tech genius who developed a tool last year capable of restoring the footage. I called in a few favors.”

“Impressive,” said Isadora, and meant it. “If a few days to late. We already have the man in hand, remember? I’m sorry you wasted your time. I’ll remember your efforts and your ingenuity when it comes time for me to make my annual report to Earth.”

“I need to show you something.” Grayson brought out a handheld screen and started playing a blurry video. It was from a security camera, old-style footage from ten years ago when they were still working with the glitchy tech the colonists had installed. It was all shot from above, and every few seconds, wavy lines would interrupt the image.

“Based on how the others around him treated him, as well as the few snatches of conversation I was able to pull up from the unreliable audio, this man is the leader of the rebellion.” He paused the video. His thick index finger smudged the screen, stopping next to a man with his face turned toward the camera.

The man had the baby face of someone who was still half a child. He was missing most of his scars, too. All that was to be expected. If someone had shown Grayson a photo of Isadora from ten years ago, he would have been hard-pressed to recognize them as the same person.

But there were some things no amount of years could change. Like eye color, and build, and height.

Isadora looked up, voicing the thought that had brought Grayson to her door. “This man,” she said, “is not my prisoner.”

“How certain are you that this man is who you say he is?” Isadora asked, her voice tight and controlled.

“I’ll send you the file so you can review it for yourself,” said Grayson. “But between what we knew ten years ago and what I saw in the video today… very.” He spoke reluctantly, like he already knew this was bad news.

Because, of course, he had seen what Isadora had seen. Whoever this Wraith was, he was not the leader of the rebellion.

---

Tagged: @straight-to-the-pain @soheavyaburden @gala1981 @whumpacabra @sacredwrath @suspicious-whumping-egg @sonder35 @decahedron-crabclaw @seasaltandcopper @tremendousenemyhideout

Ask to be added or remove from taglist.

[dollarbin]

Nickel Bin #14:

Jerry Jeff Walker's Fading Lady

My famous brother is a show off. He sent me the text yesterday for his recent interview with one of the greatest humans still currently on the planet, Linda Thompson. Watch for it soon, probably on Aquarium Drunkard... And he returned from the Big Apple recently bragging about how he yanked Jerry Jeff Walker's Five Years Gone on vinyl outta of a dollar bin during the trip. That's a big find, folks: just take a listen to a single blissed-out track from that nearly impossible to track down record:

It's no fair: My biggest interview of late was with my cat. She said nothing and demanded heavy petting. And my last foray into the Dollar Bin turned up a Steve Cropper solo record form the early 80's that looks terrible.

(As a quick aside, it kinda looks like Walker invented the selfie on the cover of Five Years Gone; Jerry Jeff: visionary.)

Still, I'm a competitive dude by nature so I rode my bike 14 miles midday late last week in 90 degree weather to test my luck once again in the bin; surely, I figured, the dollar gods would reward such selfless dedication with my own copy of Five Years Gone.

Yeah, no. All I did was drop a few too many dollars on a copy of Circus Maximus's debut album. Turns out Jerry was in a Moby Grape style psychedelic boy band for about 15 minutes in 1967. He shared the lead with a jazz pianist who sang like Neil Diamond and played lead guitar like Sterling Morrison would after they'd each had botched lobotomies; the drummer clearly attended Joe Freakin' Lala's School of Percussion, an offshoot of Trump University; their motto, "just wack the hell out of whatever you can as fast as possible, white boy, and then call it Latin jazz," is more famous than any of their alumni. Today the band has just one claim to fame other than Jerry Jeff's presence: the bass player would soon write Linda Ronstadt one of the greatest torch songs of all time before disappearing altogether from history:

I've loved this song for a long, long - you get the idea. I see it recently was featured in some zombie apocalypse TV show and therefore enjoyed a brief renaissance; that's fitting: Linda is clearly singing about a zombie apocalypse.

Suffice it to say that my famous brother wins this latest round in the Dollar Bin: I'd trade him my copy of Circus Maximus for his copy of Five Years Gone in a hot second. And, come The Revolution, I will head immediately to his house, hatchet in hand and dodging zombies as I go, so as to lay claim to his entire record collection.

While we're at it, check this out:

Isn't it crazy how Linda Ronstadt can make even Jerry Jeff Walker sound like an average dude by comparison? Still, it's nice to hear this song sung by a fellow mortal.

But let's get to the point: happily, Circus Maximus, which, coincidentally, has a cover photo collage dedicated to that very same zombie apocalypse, does feature one track worthy of our nickel: Fading Lady. Take a listen; Jerry Jeff is starting to find his voice.

I don't know about you, but I am mesmerized pretty quickly. My wife just asked me what the hell I was doing under our bed. I told her I was counting our shoes, and I requested space to do so.

Even so, you can hear that the song could be even better. Jerry needs no boy band echo behind him; and, like Danger Bird, slower here would be even better. Happily he soon ditched the mustache and the whole 60's scene and headed for the ditch a few years before Neil Young. They'd wind up wallowing in it magnificently together until Jerry got married and cleaned himself up for good around 73; from that point forward he just sounded drunk all the time.

But he wasn't drunk enough to know that Fading Lady deserved a second pass. Listen to him truly nail the song on 69's Drifting Way of Life:

Aw yeah: that's the stuff right there folks. The great David Bromberg does his New Morning/Self Portrait Dylan thing alongside Jerry on guitar; Kenny Buttrey makes almost no sounds whatsoever on the drums and does so perfectly. And all the while Jerry Jeff effortlessly instructs us to tally up our jewels. And our shoes.

I'm on it Jerry!

[semperintrepida]

I’m behind on tumblr but if you’re still taking writing qs, 5&6 please. Also, 15 fascinates me because I have learned recently of myself that absolutely font matters when writing (work) stuff and i get distracted if it’s not ���right”, so if you have thoughts on how font affects your (creative) writing process I’d be interested in hearing! Also, not on the list: do you outline with pen & paper or is it all on the computer?

My deepest apologies, I somehow missed this ask in my inbox and found it yesterday while doing that tarot ask meme.

5. What is an image/set of images that you're particularly proud of?

I've been thinking about my older work lately, so I'll highlight a deep cut that only my OG readers will remember: ALL of the formal Japanese garden imagery in Kunoichi. Yeah, I'm proud of that.

They kept walking, until the path rounded back toward the entrance gate, but Britt stopped Santana before she'd gotten too far ahead. "Over here," she said, and she led Santana to a small, unobtrusive path that headed deeper into the corner of the garden, easily missed if one didn't know to look for it. It led them through a grove of green foliage, the air cool with the promise of moisture, and as they walked further the promise was revealed: a small pond with an island, accessible by two narrow stone bridges. Sunlight filtered down through the pines that ringed the pond and cast the space with a milky glow the color of undyed silk. It wasn't quiet, not with the metropolis around them, but it was peaceful, and the light and the feeling of being surrounded by something sacred made it the kind of place where voices automatically lowered to whispers, where possibilities seemed endless. Santana stood like a stone statue, as still as the waters of the pond, taking it all in. She breathed softly and slowly. They stood there for a long time, saying nothing.

In the beginning of Kuno, Britt is a dead woman walking, surrounded by a sterile, hyper-urban world. But every garden in this story is very much alive, and a long-dormant seed, given the right care, can sprout and blossom again.

6. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

Hoo boy. Yeah, I've got an idea, one I've been kicking around for about a decade now, for an original science fiction book (novelette? novella? who knows?). The protagonist is a woman who's a drill sergeant in a military belonging to an empire involved in an endless war with another empire at a scale where after battles, entire planets are stripped for natural resources, mineral and organic. The protag's recruits are all clones of dead soldiers, who retain traces of their original personality but need to be taught fighting skills, and she forms a connection with one clone soldier, a headstrong woman who has an innate knack for the fighting arts.

The protag trains her clone squad, then sends them off to battle, where they all die and their organic matter is scraped off the barren rocks so it can be used to make more clone soldiers.

Protag is assigned a new squad of clones, same as the first. Forms a connection with the same clone soldier, who is not an exact copy of the previous, but clone personalities never are...

The clones go to battle and die. The cycle repeats, and each time, more of the protag's backstory is revealed, until we find out that the protagonist was once an admiral of the fleet, and the headstrong clone soldier was her wife who died in battle, after which the protag asked to be demoted to the drill sergeant for the clone squad where her (dead) wife's clone would be assigned. It's the only way for them to be together again.

I've never been able to write this thing due to other obsessions getting in the way (*cough*kyssandra*cough*) and the fact that I fucking hate worldbuilding, and unfortunately, expectations around hard science fiction demand worldbuilding to an absurd degree of accuracy. I'm sorry, I'm not going to learn astrophysics so I can write this story.

15. Does font matter to you when you're writing a draft?

Yes, but not in the usual way—at least, not using typical fonts like Times New Roman or Helvetica. I use the same font that I use when writing code: Droid Sans Mono Dotted for Powerline. I've been ruined for anything else.

Bonus Question: do you outline with pen & paper or is it all on the computer?

All on the computer. I used to do a thing where I'd keep track of scenes on bundles of index cards, but these days I find digital notes easier to deal with.

[fic writing questions meme]

[gretchensinister]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @marypsue for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

732 oh gosh it needs to have text next to it to not show up giant

2. What’s your total word count?

1,316,095 aha you can tell most of my fics are short

3. What fandoms do you write for?

What I am currently preoccupied with is The Dark Crystal/The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. The vast majority of my fics are for Rise of the Guardians, and I have one fairly substantial fic each for Thor and Venom.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

Give You Everything, not surprised about this one, it's Eddie/Venom and I published it a little less than four months after Venom came out in theaters. 2. Single Snowflakes, this one is a surprise? It's barely over 1K, T for subject matter, Bunny/Jack where Jack talks about past trauma with Bunny. I wouldn't have written it except that this was part of my project to fill every prompt on Round 1 of the Rise of the Guardians Dreamwidth kinkmeme. I guess it resonated with people??? 3. How Old? Another Bunny/Jack fic, G-rated and very short. 4. What it Means to Ask, yet ANOTHER Bunny/Jack fic, G-rated, but about how serious the concept of being a "mate" is in Pooka culture. How Old? was also related to that. 5. Down and Dirty-a wrestling-type fight between Jack and Bunny turns into sex.

What have we learned? The Jackrabbit fans, they are legion.

5. Do you respond to comments?

For the past several years, yes, pretty much always. Back in 2012 when I was just starting to post on Ao3, I was like unto a nervous deer and sometimes didn't respond. But I did print out all the comments on Without Contraries There Is No Progression (Pitch/Sandy that got me writing big complete things) and put them on my fridge at the time. It helped me get my master's degree.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The one that comes to the top of my head is Warmer Than I Thought. Jack's dying because he just didn't have enough believers when he became a Guardian. He's not going to come back with continuity of self. Pitch is there to offer him some scant comfort as he goes.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly write happy endings, honestly, but the honor of the most happy and resolved ending goes to His Time, which is chronologically the last fic in my Rise of the Guardians Apotheosis AU. It's a far-distant future, OT8, everyone is together and essentially the pantheon of a new planet they made after Earth is gone due to the expansion of the sun. They are trying to make it go well this time, and so far succeeding.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

The closest thing to hate I ever got was on my explicit Thorki fic...from a person complaining about how much I had Thor and Loki talk to each other.

9. Do you write smut?

I write a lot of explicit sex, yes.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've written a fair number in my prompt-fill project, but it's not something I'm drawn to write.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I've never known about any of my fics being stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone talked to me about translating one of my fics and I was very excited and I said yes. However I don't know what came of that because things happened and I fell out of communication with the potential translator. Maybe they finished it and I don't know about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I don't think I would, unless it was part of a strictly structured event/project.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Well, it's Pitch Black/Sandman. Conceptually, the ships I'm drawn to have ties to dichotomies of dark/light, good/evil, cosmic opposites kind of thing. Pitch and Sandy, as personifications of nightmares and dreams, were a perfect vessel for that obsession.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I told my friends, "I'm not going to rewrite The Phantom of the Opera." And I'm not. But there's a version of PotO that I wanted that uh, isn't what any of the big official versions gave me. So I started writing and I have 49,615 words so far. If I don't find a way to finish it I think I will end up posting it as something permanently unfinished, because there's a lot that I like in it now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have been told in a real graduate writing workshop that I have good dialogue. I also like to think I'm pretty good at sensory descriptions.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The things I find extremely difficult are endings and like, plots where things happen--I want so badly to write a big complicated Space Empire story but like. How is does political intrigue? (This house is FEELINGS ONLY.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I don't think I'd ever do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Almost certainly Dragonball Z. If all goes well, my friend and I may have the chance to excavate some of my old notebooks during the holidays and then--it's archive time and that is a threat.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It's A Draught of Light, which I love as it is, and for proving that I could write an alternate-world epic fantasy novel as long as I didn't like, admit that's what I was doing. I do admit though that I have an edited version that takes it farther away from being fanfic that I like even better. Maybe I should, hmm, start taking steps to making that version available, if you understand what I mean.

Who do I know writing out there that hasn't been tagged yet? @queerpyracy, @purplebloodedmajesty, @incurablenecromantic

[a-s-levynn]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

so i'm gonna attempt to answer all 6 of these in one go under this one but wow.. 30? hooo boy.. let's get to it, and see how many i can manage to scrounge together

ps. up front: It took a bit actually to finish it, it kinda consumed my past day and a half but y'all this was such an exercise in self reflection because you really have to think what is it you actually like or are proud of about yourself not just list 2-3 surface lvl copout. And it turns out can be a lot more than expected. It can be small things and weird things and unconventional things. Just things. It also was such an unexpected morale boost, like.. yo.. i actually don't hate myself as much as i thought?

(also sorry for typos in advance i didn't have the mind or time to correct them, maybe later)

1. Let's start easy. My hair. The natural curls it has. I hated it for so long but by now i enjoying them so much, especially the past year or so when it got longer. (imagine will ramos type curls. it's dead on i just don't have that thick of a mane) I stil lstraighten it occasionally but not nearly as much as i used to. Also in the summer the ends go red 'cause of the sun lightening it up, which ends me up with a real fun natural kind of ombre.

2. I'm a good problem solver. I can be awful practical at times but it helps with situations that needs solving instead of panicking.

3. I kinda like the fact that despite my loath of cooking/baking and all foodmaking in general, i am a pretty good cook.

4. I'm a good listener. At least i like to think i'm a good listener.

5. I'm a fast learner especially if it is shown prolerly step by step once.

6. I'm not the most creative person on the planet but i'm fairly decent and i like that.

7. You know what, i'm actually proud of the effort i make to be judgemental as little as i can. Because nobody is perfect but i actually do try and for most part it's going great.

8. This ties into the 2nd one but i like the fact that i can be objective to a degree that i'm able to emotionally detach from situations to the point that i can assess them level headed.

9. And on that note i'm stupiddly self aware. Of my faults and shortcomings as well as my capabilieties (however limited they are) and it helps me a lot to work on myself to be a decent human being.

10. I'm really good at eyeballing things. Like for example back when i did cosplays i usually didn't had to do any sort of mental gimnastics or calculations to figure out how large my props should be. 9 out of 10 times the first draft was perfectly sized.

11. To think of it i like the fact that i not just realized but accepted that i'm not perfect, never wíll be but that is okay.

12. I'm proud of the fact that i know i'm not the smartest person in the room, ever. I'm not smart academically speaking. I'm more practical-smart, but i'm not all knowing and the knowledge of that makes me want to learn shit. Ther eis always room for improvement and learning.

13. High pain tolerance.

14. Honestly i like that i made it up until now in life and still going. It wasn't always a sure thing but for the most part i'm liking the fact that it happend. That i made it.

15. I like being on a good path with being unapologetic about who i am, what i like and why am i the way i am.

16. I'm actually good negotiator if i make an effort. I'm fairly good at diffusing arguments.

17. This is a funny one but i like that i can identify people i know by their movements from far away. See, my eyesight isn't the best so i usually memorized bodylanguage faster than faces since i was a teenager. So it lead to some fun situations like me and someone else waiting for a third and i was like yeah they are like 500 m away so you can't see the face or anything but i already knew it's the person we are waiting and people go like "wow how did you know?"

18. As messy as it is i like how my handwriting can be so varied. I learned to write tilted cursive but my grandma forced me to learn non-tilted cursive and later i started to use non cursive and it became this weird amalgamation and now i can write in a lot of different aesthetics and i like it. Also made me the go to person for forged singitures back at school but that's an other story..

19. I like the fact that i don't hold grudges. I feel like they are a waste of time and energy and just weigh you down. So i can just.. go past them. I know shit happend, i acknowledge it but i'm not agonizing over it.

20. I like the fun fact that for elementary school i wasn't put into the music specialization because i had good hearing and a decent voice but because i had unusual rythm sense for my age at that time. Than i learned to sing okay but it was so funny. Everyone around me got in because they could sing and i was just riddiculously good at replicating rythmic excercises. (crying shame my father sold out the drumkit from under my ass before i could have really gotten deep into it.. i might've ended up on a different life path.. i mean i did play bass for a time but it wasn't the same, altho i kinda feel the itch to pick it back up again for a few years now just for amusing myself at home)

21. I like the fact that dispite the school system's damnest efforts i still do a lot of thing with my left hand. I was ambidextous since birth but out ancient education system think it's better if every kid is right handed. But my parent's didn't gave a shit, just let me do my stuff however it was comfy for me. So i use for example knives with my left but write with my right, that sort of mixups. It's fun how it can confuse others when they don't know the bg story for it.

22. Honestly i joke about my eyecolour being the literal colour of goose shit but i say that because i find it extremely funny and i like weirdly funny things in general.

23. I like the fact that (as per my knowledge) i'm not allergic to anything. With the level of nihilism i sport on the self-preservation front it would have been an interesting thing.

24. On the artsy and craftsy front i can work with multiple mediums which is fun. When i feel like drawing on paper i can, when is feel like paintig i could, i can do papermashe, amateur jewellery making, sewing, i can also do paper forlding, photography, and as you saw if i have the fancy to dabble in sculpting i have a decent shot for it not turning out terrible. I'm not amazing in any of them but i'm decent enough that i'm not just enjoying the process but i actually like a fair amount of the end results.

25. I'm good with maps and navigation in general. It's very rare for me to get lost at all. (only exception is large buildings.. i'm practically direction blind in closed spaces)

26. I love the fact the i learned english essentially by playing online video games, reading comics and watching movies. Now i have an official exam paper thingie but it was an aftertought for my resumé more than anything else.

27. I like that i'm basically friends with my mom.

28. An other funny one but i find it amusing that if you talk to me about something, even if i have no idea about what you are talking about it, but if you are excited i'm going to mirror you level of excitement without conscientiously trying to do it.

29. I like my sense of aesthetics in general.

30. And i like the fact that i can pick up on the most random small details and be unreasonably excited about it. I like being excited about stuff. You know, child-like wonder and all that i guess. Dunno, i just like it.

And that is it. It was a lot but yeah.. Have a bonus cozy sleeping cat if you chew all this text:

[lucadrawss]

HERE WE GO!

🎮 💍 💯 🔺️ 🍃 💙 ☕️ 😊

Amd most importantly 🎂

I know you're interested in Ai so I'll go for him.

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

- Ai enjoys anything to do with art but mainly drawing. He's either seen carrying a sketchbook around or always has one in his bag, it's a form of stress relief for him. He's rather good at it.

- Duel monsters. Ai's a duelist and has been since he was younger, originally his sister introduced it to him to distract him from something going on at the time but he quickly developed an intrest and started practising often. He isn't the best but he's good at strategy and knows what he's doing, though he still has room to improve.

- Playing the guitar. His notebooks are filled with melodies he's either written himself or wrote down to practice them. He often plays it when he's bored, stressed, someone's asked him to or he just wants to show off.

💍 RING — does your oc have any piercings? do they want any (more) piercings?

He does! He had his earlobes pierced so he can wear his fathers earrings as a comfort item. He's pretty satisfied with just the one set of piercings so he doesn't necessarily want anymore but isn't completely against getting more eventually.

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

- Ai has extreme difficulty focusing, sitting still, keeping his thoughts from wandering, remembering simple things and tends to take a while to process sentences or events that just happened. He disassociates quite a bit too.

- He falls out trees often. He likes to climb them and hang from them despite knowing that he'll fall but he does it anyway, then falls.

- Ai is absolutely terrified of reptiles despite being a dragon. They just freak him out. Because of this his sister tends to call him "lizard" to mess with him.

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons?

Sort of. He has basic knowledge on how to use a knife as a weapon and even more basic knowledge on how to wield a sword (thanks to his brother in law) but he can't really use them.

🍃 LEAVES FLUTTERING IN WIND — what is/was your oc's favorite subject in school?

Art and music.

💙 BLUE HEART — does your oc have any cool/special powers and/or abilities? how are they with magic, if it exists in their world?

Ai's whole thing is fire so his blood is flammable and he can create sparks with his teeth and nails when they're long enough. He also has a special part in his throat that produces and odorless and colourless (but it has a taste) flammable gas that he can light.

He's resistant to fire and heat to a degree he can still get burned if the fire is too hot or it burns on him for too long and he can still be affected by heat if he's in it for too long.

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE — does your oc prefer coffee, tea, hot chocolate, milk, water, or some other drink? how do they like to take this drink (ex. coffee with milk, hot chocolate with whipped cream, a specific kind of tea, etc)?

Ai prefers water over anything else. Plain old water is fine but he does enjoy watermelon flavoured water over anything else.

😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?

He doesn't really have much of a career goal in mind, but he knows he wants to either pursue music, art or dance.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE — when is your oc's birthday? how old are they? what are their sun, moon, & rising signs (if known)? what about their tarot card, ruling planet, & ruling number (if known)? do they fit the typical traits of these sun, moon, & rising signs?

19th of December as that's the day I officially created Ai and he's about 15.