#asked the hr

[songmingisthighs]

g0rl i had 2 client meetings today and one of them was next to a MORGUE

[watcher0033]

Y’all, the Archive admins are made up of VOLUNTEERS. And they have been working for 12-13 HOURS STRAIGHT.

I better not hear any complaints when donation period comes around. OR ELSE.

cosplay by @woahchriswoah on Twitter

EDIT: How do we show appreciation to the volunteers? For me reading these deep dives on OTW issues u guys apparently it's been said multiple times that one of their objective statements is to have paid staff for ao3 and there's a surplus of donations they haven't used up or the other community solutions that needs to address. For those more financially literate feel free to analyze, snipe me or add to the discussion etc. linked here by deepa. They’re cool and these yearly analysis they did aint no joke.

But Seriously what can we do for these volunteers? The probable burn out from this entire fiasco would be no joke. @ao3org

[splinterclan]

Moon 18.2: Truth coming out!

[mikonez]

HI MIEKE TRICK OR TREAT PLEASE :D

HI LEA AND FELLOW NOEL ENJOYER HAVE SOME NOEL

[gonnadosomethingwmylife]

do y’all remember the criminal minds episode where the team had to go to a sexual harassment seminar mostly because of how derek and penelope talk to each other? Suits could’ve done something really funny.

I just want a normal person overhearing harvey call his associate a good boy or any one of their weird as fuck conversations and being like what the FUCK dude and reporting it,,,mikes embarrassed bc he doesn’t MIND and he gives it right back in his own way but everyone sitting at this seminar clearly aimed at harvey at mike,,,i think it would be really funny

[ningadudexx]

monkie kid season 5 major spoilers!!!!

if you have not seen lmk s5 yet then be warned!!! you can find uploads of s5 on youtube!!!

.

.

.

season 5 got me skipping through meadows and singing with glee

[cozymochi]

can i get a uhh 5. swimwear for Idia? only if you feel like it. thank you for your amazing art ily ❤️

this took me two dang days and it still looks bad, but i pressed on cuz YOU 🫵 have friend privileges. And even then!! I still gave up 🤡 Normally, i’d dodge “swimwear” cuz some people get weird about it and try using it to get around my set boundaries :))) But this is Idia. There’s nothing to see anyway.

the meme 2024 edition (followers only)

[skunkes]

[cubbihue]

Do you sleep with how much you post? Also how long as timmy been a dairy for? :)))

I ran out of room on the panel to write my answer.

Timmy's been a Fairy for about 200 years!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[futuristichedge]

Time traveller

[tartarusknight]

Okay but Steve Harrington who somehow landed a talk show/late night show host job. I'm basing this on a clip of the Kelly Clarkson Show, so let me cook.

Steve was pushed into the public eye by his parents either singing or acting. But as he grew up still under his thumb, married to someone they chose who was as controlling and manipulative as his parents, he started hating it all. The fame and money were just reminders of it all. But slowly with a lot of support from Robin, Steve cut those ties. He fought to get the money that was always supposed to be his but in the end he walked away with little money to his name. Even though his name was still quite popular.

He took a break and stayed with Robin, who pushed him to keep going out and doing what he enjoyed but it was hard. He stayed online and people loved seeing his clips. He thought about stepping out of the light completely but then Robin got him a job as a host. The show did well for a late night show and he was enjoying it the best he could. Sometimes he had a bad experience but as he aged, he stopped letting it affect him as much.

He was easy going and made everyone as comfortable as he could. Sure there were people who'd try to start rumors but he did his best to get through it. He was a single bisexual man who divorced his last husband, there was always going to be rumors going around. He didn't get out much for his own life but he gained many friends through the people that came through his show. He just never filled that spot in his heart that longed for love.

That is until Eddie Munson, lead guitarist and singer of Corroded Coffin came on the show. Steve instantly liked the man but forced himself to stay on script. He refused to flirt or show his attraction, even as the man flirted with him. But as Steve was in the middle of asking Eddie about a question on the topic of the lastest tour a photo popped up on his screen.

Steve's voice caught and his train of thought flew out the window at the picture of Eddie mid performance, shirt off, sweat dripping, and his guitar low on his hips. Steve could've died right there as he tried to formulate his question.

"Wow, do you- that's a lot of- right, you must work out- like those muscles- sorry, your shape- you're in shape! Do you have a routine?" Steve finally spit out and only barely stopped himself from hiding his face in his hands.

Eddie smirked at him and slid back in his chair more, "oh yeah. Never used to but Jeff made a good point one day. You gotta be ready to lift your partner," Eddie's grin went from wicked to charmingly innocent in a second and Steve got whiplash, "Over all the mud puddles."

Steve barely managed to keep it together the rest of the interview and Eddie didn't make it any easier on him. Slowly calling Steve more and more pet names. It made Steve want to say fuck it and climb the man, but he stopped himself. Well until later when he knocked on Eddie's dressing room and the two of them finally got in the same page.

After that, well Steve and Eddie were seen together more and more.

[bananielle]

it’s ur birthday and you have the sweetest sex with taesan s he takes care of you and makes you feel so pretty and loved :(. i love taesan

he'd be so so sweet and soft with you ♡ would take his time, more so than usual, worshipping every inch of your body slowly and tenderly. he’d whisper the sweetest compliments into your skin — calling you his beautiful angel and reminding you that you’re the most wonderful thing to ever happen to him. handles you so gently; every soft touch filled with so much love you can feel it in your bones. he would start by kissing you everywhere, marking you in secret places that only you and him are able to see, and he wouldn’t eat you out until his lips kissed everywhere they could reach. makes out with your pussy painfully slowly, moaning into your clit because of how sweet you taste. runs his hands up and down your waist and hips softly as you cum in his mouth.

when he finally fills you up and stretches you out, he kisses each of your fingertips softly, looking into your eyes as he whispers i love you in between each peck. he’d have one hand carefully caressing your cheek, while the other is interlocked with one of yours above your head. when you're close to cumming, he’d give you gentle, reassuring squeezes. "i know, i know, baby” “you look so beautiful like this. i love you angel" and he’d press his lips to yours as his tip kissed your cervix just right and undid you.

everything would be so romantic and loving and intentional, he would make love to you as if both of your souls were melding to be one.

[pseudonymphomania]

Could I trouble you with a Barbatos request? Something with him being "totally lowkey" attention seeking with his booty (+ Demon form and elevated tail optional) and/or Diavolo or Sheep!MC touching the booty? SFW preferable, however I would certainly not be opposed to a rather cheeky non-SFW if you were inspired to lewd the Buttler 👉👈

[skeptical-saniwa]

you art is sooooo pretty, i love them so much!!! the way you color, your lineart.... gorgeous. don't mind me saving your info for a possible future commission request ᰔᩚ

if you have the time and inspiration, could you draw zhongli from genshin impact? i am so excited to see him in your style ahhhh thank you very much 🙏🏻

please remember to drink water, eat if you haven't, and stretch your wrists and arms!!! take some time for yourself to breathe and relax!!!

Tysm!!

(O-ooh… feel free to check out my comms…🫣)

I drew him with forsythias!

Ty again for the reminder to take care of myself haha, I have a big neuvillette drawing I must complete in a day or two ✍️

[chernabogs]

A Rainy Wandering

Inc: Reader/Malleus (99% platonic but we had to sneak those subtle feelings in there at the end. Love me some two oblivious clowns) Second person POV Warnings: None WC: 1.8k Summary: Er so that new Malleus card, yeah? (Or: hey your bff scheduled in a 4 hour gargoyle tour, are you coming, orrrr...?) Also s.o to Alexandra with her literal Field Guide to Gargoyles and founding of the Gargoyle Appreciation Society. My hero rn for this hope they are thriving.

The campus is shrouded in grey as the rain falls at a steady rate around you. You grip your umbrella with both hands to combat against the gentle tug of the wind as you stand at the end of your dorms long walkway, shifting from side to side on occasion to look at both ends of the road. Behind you, the orange glow of Ramshackles cozy inside beckons to you, promising an escape from the rain in the form of wool blankets and terrible reality television. You’re half tempted to go back, but you staunchly remind yourself that you had made a promise, and you were not someone to fall back on your word.

That being said, your friend is about five minutes late, but you can forgive him. He’s never been good at keeping track of time. 

You shift on your heels again as you tilt the umbrella back to look at the grey sky. You last all of two seconds before too many raindrops fall on your face and you look back down, blinking the water out of your eye. The motion lets you take note of a pair of boots standing to your right. 

“Oh!” You splutter, moving your umbrella again to look at to whom those boots belong. Malleus stands in a very casual, unassuming manner, his own umbrella in hand and his brow quirked in amusement. “How long have you been standing here for?” 

You know the answer to that already—probably just seconds—but Malleus’ lips curl into a secretive smile as he shrugs a shoulder. “Long enough to observe you taking a makeshift wash.” 

A sour look is what he gets in turn, although yours always lack venom when it comes to him. A quick glance over his form shows you that he’s come prepared for the weather as well. In addition to his umbrella (which is decorated with gargoyles, to your amusement), he wears a black and purple raincoat, gloves, and has tied his hair back in a looped knot you think you've never seen him wear before. Compared to your yellow rubber boots and yellow raincoat, he looks like he stepped out of a high-fashion shoot. 

To serve and observe, apparently, is the agenda for today. You missed that memo. 

“I need to tie a bell to your wrist so I know when you’re coming.” You grumble as he steps back to the road, leaving you to fall in line with him. His warm laughter fills the air as you begin the first few legs of the tour he’s been talking about for ages.

“Now, I do think I recall you saying that once before,” he muses, tapping his fingers against the metal gargoyle at his umbrella's base. “You have yet to follow through.” 

 “I think your students would mob my dorm if I were to try and tie anything to you. Maybe I should just put an alarm on your phone instead—as long as you don’t break it again.” 

Often this would earn you a look of mock hurt, but Malleus seems far too jubilant at the moment to care about the subtle read you’re giving him. He’s smiling away, as happy as can be as he walks by your side. He even has a little bounce in his step. It almost makes you want to laugh at the sight; how can anyone call him intimidating when he’s looking like a child about to get a present? 

“Ah, yes, yes. I have been diligent in keeping my devices in check. Shroud has been of much help in that.” His gaze darts around the campus until he loops his arm with yours and pulls you swiftly to the right. You’re pliant to his guidance, only sighing in response as you let him pull you wherever he sees fit. This is something you’ve come to realize about the nature of your relationship with the prince. Malleus is a chronic wanderer, tending to just go off wherever he wishes, but he’s also mildly codependent. Since you two had firmly established that you are friends—hell, you gave the man a friendsgiving card—everywhere Malleus drifts off to, he takes you like a tether.

“Ah! Our first stop on our tour,” he begins, still brimming with energy. He tries to move his umbrella, only to have it collide with yours in the process. “Actually, before we begin, would you be so kind as to close your umbrella? We can use mine.”

You lean back to look up at your friend incredulously. At well over 6 feet, horns excluded, you doubt that you will remain dry for long should Malleus shield you both with his umbrella. He stares back both unwavering and with expectation in his look. You purse your lips. He raises an eyebrow. You lean back a bit, he replicates the action, his gaze looking you up and down. Daring you.

Oh, girl.

After a second of silent staring with a dash of attitude that the man rarely shows anyone else, you huff a sigh and close your umbrella, scooting closer to him once you do. His expression lights up as you roll your eyes, and he resumes his tangent. 

“Thank you, my dear friend. Now, as I was saying, our first stop on our tour! If you direct your attention upwards you will see what is aptly called a screamer gargoyle. The positioning of its body—with hands behind its head and its mouth agape—is meant to remind those who witness it that torment lay ahead if they fail to fulfill a particular purpose. You may see these on the cathedrals in numerous nations, as they were quite popular to evoke terror in worshippers.”

 You scoot forward to look past the edge of the umbrella at the gargoyle in particular. True to Malleus’ word, the carved figure looks as though it’s screaming in agony, its eyes directed upwards, and its body bent at an angle. You smirk a little. 

“Kind of looks like Ace and Deuce during exams.” 

Malleus hums thoughtfully. “Perhaps that is why they put one on a school ground. To remind students of the torment they will endure should they neglect studying and strike deals for grades instead.”

“So mean,” you chastise, even though you were the one to start this train of thought. The two of you continue your trail along the main road. Malleus keeps your arms firmly linked together as he chatters on, stopping on occasion to point out a particularly significant gargoyle, or a grotesque lined against the wall. You reckon this is the most your friend has talked in a while, considering his need to stop and clear his throat with an apology. 

You also consider that this is probably one of few times that he’s managed to rope someone into a walk with him like this. Out of the joy his joy seems to bring you, you prompt him with several questions as you tour about, doing your best to remember the info dumping you’re being subjected to. A slip up of calling a grotesque a gargoyle by mistake, which earned you a verbal berating in the gentlest of manners, was enough to make you pay closer attention.

As the rain begins to lighten and the sun valiantly fights to break free, the two of you come to a stop in one of the courtyard areas of the main building. You fish out a granola bar from your pocket as Malleus holds the umbrella, offering him half of it before you look around at the building. There aren’t as many gargoyles here as the other areas, save for one impressive dragon carving looming over the courtyard entrance. You gesture to it in silence, your mouth too full of chocolate and granola to speak. Fortunately, Malleus has become more then attuned to your gestures to know what you’re saying—another reward of your friendship. 

“That is one of the older gargoyles present on the campus. Considering that the courtyard we are standing in served as part of the original residence, I would wager that the initial owner of the lands commissioned this.” Malleus taps the base of the umbrella again as he tilts it back to look upwards. A few stray raindrops hit his cheek, making his brow furrow as he inspects the moss-covered structure. He’s looking at the gargoyle, while you’re looking at the expressions he’s pulling. “Most people surmise that the selection of a dragon was done to evoke fear in opponents who may try to take these lands, but I’m of the mindset that it was done to symbolize the wisdom and guardianship the owners held over their subjects. Dragons are, after all, quite wise.”

“So the dragon says.” You reply teasingly as you look at the statue. He’s right to guess that it’s certainly the oldest one you’ve seen. The stone is aged and slightly cracked along the edges. You know that Malleus has a habit of carving statues himself, and you wonder if he’s ever considered trying to repair it. Given his love for all things crumbling and ancient, however, you also wager that the thought of rebuilding something that time has claimed is well against his personal morals. 

“My assessment is free of bias, Prefect.” He counters with a mockingly scolding tone to his voice. You know it to be in jest by the way his eyes remain alight with joy. He really is infectious when he’s in a good mood, dangerously so, and a part of you wishes he could stay this way consistently instead of sliding back to the quiet, brooding form he can be when he’s feeling temperamental. 

You scrunch up the granola wrapper before shoving it in your pocket with a shake of your head. “Oh yes, definitely no projecting going on here.”

“I will leave you out in this rain.” He warns, tilting the umbrella so that you’re out of its cover. You yelp in protest and duck back underneath, practically squishing yourself against him to keep from doing that again. 

“You like me too much to do that!” You argue back as you grip the umbrella handle yourself. He breaks his facade of sternness to laugh as his arm comes around you to rest on your back. The act feels far too natural for the first time he’s ever done it, yet you acquiesce regardless. “Besides, who else will finish this loop with you? Silver is training with Sebek and Lilia is off… well. Doing whatever he pleases.”

Another thoughtful hum vibrates in Malleus’ chest, which you can feel considering the proximity of your bodies in this moment. A sudden awareness strikes you that makes you feel a bit awkward about it all. Out of reflex you nudge his waist with your arm, prompting him to give you some more space.

“I suppose you have me there,” he notes, granting you a half smile as he looks down to your irate expression. He offers you the crook of his arm, and you silently oblige by linking it with yours. He tugs you a bit closer this time around as he beckons to the courtyard exit. “Let us continue, then. I would say we have another hour at least. Oh, I do hope you’re as excited as I am for what’s to come.”

[poppy-metal]

naaaahhhhh im not normal abt dads bsf patrick at all 😭😭😭 after your unacceptable intrusion he definitely gets furious with you, maybe says some things he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment. Then you're gone. He feels like a piece of shit, not being able to get you out of his mind, overthinking in the ungodly hours of the night about how he should've reacted instead. Next time he's fucking the same woman on his bed, with her long, slender legs wrapped around his hips, he thinks of you. Your sweet, hopeful smile, the blush on your cheeks after he hugs you, your beautiful eyes looking up at him like he was the best thing in the world, a man to be worshipped. Fuck...he cums. Cums right then and there. This was not going to end well.

none of us are normal

because he hates that you got into his head. he didn’t even think of you that way. for once, he wasn't a shitty person to a girl in his life. he was like, a good male figure in your life. kinda sorta. definitely not a role model, but someone who cared about you. and it wasn't tainted - and then you'd gone and ruined it when you started crushing on him. you were desperately obvious about it, with your crop tops and short shorts and wanting to be around him more and more. big batting lashes and singing his praises.

you'd ruined it - because he's not a good man, and he noticed your body. he'd noticed and he'd had reactions to it and he'd worked to keep thos reactions under wraps, putting distance between you, making himself less available. you'd find someone your age, he was sure. you only wanted him because he was older and 'bad' in your eyes. rugged and forbidden. every girl who grew up too sweetly wanted to be corrupted. it was boredom. he'd chased the same things when he was younger and bored. women older than him, girls he couldn't have. it was the thrill. patrick fucking loved the thrill. he still did.

but he was older now. and you were his best friends daughter. and there had to be a line there, somewhere.

but then you'd gone and ruined that too, when you'd cried in his kitchen because he had another woman over. like he was betraying you somehow. and he knew he'd probably not drawn the line deep enough in the sand as he should have.

he remembered your face when he told you, you shouldn't come around anymore - that it wasn't appropriate - how you'd gotten all misty eyed like he'd pulled the rug out from under you and asked if that meant he didn't like you anymore and he'd closed his eyes because he was in alot deeper shit than he thought if you were worried about him liking you. it wasn't about that. he cared about you. but it wasn't. it couldn't be - anything. because you were young and impressionable and his fucking best friends daughter, for fucks sake.

he'd seen you as a baby. held you in his arms when you were a toddler and bounced you on his shoulders. do you know how fucked it is, you wanting him to feel something for you when he remembers what you looked like all chubby cheeked with baby fat and missing teeth you'd put under your pillow for the tooth fairy? do you know what kind of person you're asking him to be when you walk into his home with your nipples poking through your shirs and acting like a little fucking housewife?

do you want to ruin his life? ruin his relationship with your dad? ruin whats left of his conscious? and all for, what? a good fuck from an older man? a quick step into the wild side before you skipped on back happily to the white picket fence you live behind and go back to dating men your own age? is that it? you want him to fuck you - teach you what its like to cum - before you settle down?

his life isn't a fucking game or a dalliance. he's fucking fed up with you and your blasé attitude. you're nothing but a spoiled fucking brat.

that'd made you cry. big fat tears. and of course he'd felt like shit. like someone had reached into his chest and punched his heart. girls like you shouldn't cry.

"but-" you'd blubbered. "its n-not a game to me. i love you- i want you -"

fuck. fuck, fuck. fuck.

over and over again in his head.

"dont say that." in a cracked voice. "god, please. dont fucking say that. you dont mean it -"

"i do!" trembling jaw and determined tear filled eyes pinning him in place. you had so much fire in you. "you think i want to feel this way? that i dont know how fucked up it is? that i havent tried to feel different? you're not some - some ride on the wild side i wanna take - you're the only person i think about. do you get that? im supposed to be thinking about guys from the football team. shawn from fucking economics. but all i can fucking think about is you. you're in my dreams! you're everywhere. its not fair! its not fair you're everything and i have to deal with it alone - you cant - you cant s-say i dont mean what i feel - you cant say that - you dont know- "

its blurry after that. he thinks he stood there in shock for a moment. he thinks he said some mean shit. insensitive shit. shit that made you run out of his house in tears. he didn't go after you.

you can't have feelings for him. you can't. it'd be too destructive. the last time patrick loved someone.... it didn't end well. and that was without the whole essential power dynamic and grooming situation going on. shit. had he groomed you? that thought haunted him more than he wanted to admit. and not in ways he was proud of.

he'd tried to put you out of his mind. buried himself in other women - in their slick welcoming bodies - but the thinks of you during - which. fuck.

he cant help it and its entirely your fault.

he has a perfectly hot woman under him and she's doing all the right things - clenching on his cock - raking her nails down his back - moaning his name - and all he can think about is your pink nail polish - girlish and sparkly - gripping onto the muscles of his shoulders and back.

all he can think about is your sweet voice and how it'd sound in different tones like when you're begging for it harder or crying out because he's so big - he's sure he'd tear you open- that the tears he saw on your face in his kitchen would look so much better sliding down your cheeks when its his cock you're crying on.

he thinks most horribly of your pussy. the tight grip of it - how small and new you'd be - how he'd get to crack you wide open, split you apart, teach you all the ways to please a man, all the way your body can bend to take him inside you. have you ever thought about having something in your ass? because he'd want to take it. put his tongue and fingers there - bully his cock in next - god, that bratty little mouth - he could really fucking punish it, couldn't he? punish you for saying whimsical shit like you think about him all the time.

would you still look up at him with those big worshipful eyes with your throat full of his cock and drool spilling down your chin? if you wanted him so much - would you let him do whatever he wanted? with that same adoration in your eyes?

he cums with that thought in mind. has to bite the womans shoulder so he doesn't groan your name. his cum fills up the condom and all he can think is, if it was you under him, he'd be inside you raw.