#ask patches

[delta-drawsarts]

Howdy, Patches. Now that you have a child, what are you going to do now? I’m sure you’ll be a great dad.Hey, isn’t that him over there, playing with your AK-47?(Clover tries to shoot the AK-47).

H-huh?? Patches be a dad? Hmm, Patches dunno about dat, but Patches will try! And yeah, that's-

Ooohh... Butterfly...

[waddei]

first day exiled from our country: i think its going to get worse.

[hey-howsitgoin]

So I've had this joke in my head for a couple months (at least), but hadn't found the right spot to make it. Today it is complete.

A hole in my jeans?

Hmm? What's this?

A Patchypus?

REPAIRRY THE PATCHYPUS!!!?!!!

[crimezi]

end an argument for me

and for the sake of my data add your region/country, reblogs would help for proving my bias wrong

[deadsetobsessions]

Danny no longer has a haunt. So… he decides to find another one. And while he technically has a whole world (other dimensions aren’t an option because he’s going to stay near where Jazz’s grave is, damn it) there’s only a couple of other places with enough ambient ectoplasm to sustain him. Nanda Parbat, Tokyo, and Gotham.

Nanda Parbat had a weird old musty immortal that kept trying to summon him and exchange power for the ability to “take a worthy body and rain as much destruction” as he’d like. As if Danny would need a body to bring the world to its knees.

Tokyo… it’s too far from Jazz’s grave. He could ask Wulf or even open his own portal but when Danny tried it out, Tokyo was too peaceful. Obviously there’s crime, but nothing… nothing big like Danny’s used to.

Danny ends up picking Gotham, even if the sewer zombies and the weird group of rich fruit loops with an adoption problem creeps him out. So, he destroys the portal, packs up his parents’ house and sells it, and hauls ass to the cesspool calling his name. His family’s stuff is stored respectfully in a vault located on the deepest parts of his personal haunt in the Infinite Realms.

And honestly, he’s doing better. Sure, he’s got a shitty apartment near another revenant’s almost-haunt and he feels like he’s drowning all of the time, but Danny isn’t in danger of turning into Dan, he’s catching up on royal paperwork, and he’s got like a job as a barista. In his own coffee shop that paid for using his parent’s money (who, despite their hazardous everything, made a crap ton of money off of their more normal inventions).

Gotham’s got some pretty interesting local gangs, most of which respected the sanctity of Danny’s cafe. Sure, they tried blowing it up and tried extorting money from him in the form of “protection costs” but after three months of failure, they gave up.

(Really, the local gangs gave up when they saw him take three shotgun shells to the chest and continued to work.) (They didn’t know it never hit him. Intangibility is extremely useful.)

The Rogues, on the other hand, just gave Danny flashbacks. Their gimmicks are different, sure, but after years of Box Ghost, Skuller, Lunch Lady, etc., Danny’s more than done with costumed villains. They don’t bother him either. Some of the reason is probably due to Harley and Ivy, who had walked into the cafe and (because they were bruised and scratched up from a fight) triggered Danny’s mother hen tendencies. They were promptly fed and watered and caffeinated and their hyenas were also similarly taken care of. They declared the cafe under their protection and that was that.

Red Hood stops by, and begins to interrogate him. But when Danny met his… helmet eyes? The crime lord paused, paid for his coffee, and sat in a corner table of the cafe for the rest of the day.

And he kept coming back?

But Danny figures it’s because Hood was a revenant and people who had come close to death tends to feel more comfortable around him.

(Considering this is Gotham where people almost die every other day? Yeah, he’s pretty much friends with everyone. Or at least, less likely to get shot.)

(Hood does stay because of the King’s presence and the Pit calming itself, but also Danny’s hot and he’s got a sleeper build and Hood definitely did not imagine himself in the place of the heavy box he saw Danny lift effortlessly onto a table. No.)

But of course, the peace couldn’t last forever. But by then, Danny was so antsy, he welcomed the trouble with open arms.

It starts with a clown. Danny knows who he is. He knows who Danny is.

So, Danny has no idea why the clown thought it would be a good idea to aggravate the owner of Gotham’s official neutral grounds. See, Clovkwork? Danny’s learned how to gauge his own political importance!

“HAHAHAHAHA! COME OUT, DANNY-BOY! LET ME TELL YOU A JOKE!”

Danny comes out and grabs a chair, and with a flat expression, says, “you’re not funny and I hate clowns.”

And then he swings and slams the chair into the Joker’s face. Over and over again until Danny’s sure the clown won’t get back up. The thing about Gotham’s outdoor chairs is that they’re mad out of steel and are bolted down to the ground to prevent undedicated thieves (dedicated thieves can and will steal the bolted down steel chairs). The Joker’s hired muscle just watched this scrawny twenty-something year old yank the steel chair and take some of the fucking ground and the bolts with it and beat the fuck out of their boss who is the literal Joker.

They surrender on the spot and is taken to jail. Danny just smiles at the officers who come by and since he’s got pretty privilege and they don’t want to mess with the guy who, again, owns one of Gotham’s official neutral ground and also beat up Joker without breaking a sweat, the officers just lets him go with a warning.

And then the bats comes, and wow, Danny’s playing mentor to a formally dead person again!

But before that, the Red Hood asks for an autograph on the Gotham Gazette article with a picture of a tired Danny standing over Joker’s prone body. Then Hood stammers through asking Danny out (which Danny said yes to because he’s tired, not blind, and Hood is built like a brick house and HOT).

Batman interrogates him. Danny, who can tell that this man needs therapy and is Sad TM, tells Bats that Danny’s died before and that’s why he’s like this. He also calls Batman a furry, but like in a nice way. And then he kicks Batman out with a coffee and a file on Nanda Parbat.

Now, Danny’s got a date to prepare for and he realizes that maybe this is what Jazz wanted for him- to be happy and mostly safe and happy. (Or, happier, he thinks. It’s been a long time since he’s been truly happy, but this might be a good start)

[annoyinganarchopunk]

i love the stereotype of punk just being purely scary and insane. like ya theres definitely some odd balls here (love u guys) (most of u) but im literally making myself a belt bag from an old pair of jeans!!!!! im over here doing arts and crafts for the sake of the environment.

fuck capitalism i wanna sew a bag. that i can attach to my belt. with loops. a belt bag. for my little things. fuck you!!!!! ill go listen to my political loud music too!!!!!!!

[hotcinnamonsunset]

something something baby shark, right??🦈

[spookberry]

Following you for Oregon Miku

thats a bold choice, heres an oregon Miku and Rin for your troubles

[justarandomart]

he doesn't want to battle, he just wants to show off this pokemon

[gb-patch]

Why do the MCs never have a father?

In OL1 I wanted the MC to have same sex parents. I couldn't have them be two dads because the story already gave so much attention to Mr. Holden. It just made sense for them to be moms.

In OL2, the MC had to have a single parent to make it easier to handle. It would've been too hard to have a mom and dad that you could tweak the appearance of and have an entirely custom relationship dynamic with. The family relationship was simple in OL1 and I wanted it to be more complicated in OL2. However, I didn't want to repeat the story of a single dad moving to a new town with their young child. So, once again it is because of Cliff, aha. I ultimately decided to have the OL2 parent be a mom who chose to have a biological child on her own to make it very different from what happened with Cove and Cliff.

[delta-drawsarts]

hello *throws a brick at patches* goodbye *leaves* -evil brick throwing anon

That wasn't very nice of you... FRIEND.

[serendippertyy]

Free hc about Patchwork.

He absolutely makes animal crossing sounds as a form of communication since he can’t speak. Actually, does he communicate in other forms besides miming? - ✨🛰️

aww animal crossing sounds is definitely something I have added to his list of communication methods, along with pokemon sounds, especially eevee evolutions! I'd say he makes a combo of those sounds along with electronic beeping and chirps <3

of course his favorite way of communicating is emoticons! zooble is a natural born pro at understanding him while jax has a harder time and talks to him like his buddy rather than his son haha

[zillychu]

@phantomrose96's little sock thief!

[ririarts]

Wyll's new kisses are just so... *dies*

[gearbroth]

More Repairs...

[awingedllama]

Have you gotten the chance to play with For Rent? If so, how do you like it?

For Rent was by far my favourite expansion pack ever. like a dream expansion for me. i spent a full night last week playing with it, making stuff, working on my save for the first time in ages, planning a *second* new-york inspired save...

and then i went and saved my lot as a residential rental, and all of my meticulously TOOL'ed neighborhood decorations decided to delete themselves (photo taken prior to catastrophe)

so now i have a vendetta against For Rent and i am in a state of semi-permanent shock. still partially in denial that it happened

pour one out for the deleted neighborhood. god rest her soul