#aside from fall away this is my fave from the album

[darkshinynight]

isle of flightless birds, twenty one pilots self titled

[toddandersonn]

Okay, so I've been doing the "re-listen and rate all the 11 albums" thing. I did Debut on Wednesday, so today it's Fearless's turn!

1. Fearless. What an opening!! Easily in her top 3 opening tracks. Seeing this in the Eras and doing the 🫶 was one of my fave moments of 2023. Rating: 10/10

2. Fifteen. While I don't revist this song super often, I still think it's great and quite touching. My favorite lyric is, "But I found time can heal most anything, and you might just find who you're supposed to be". Rating: 9/10

3. Love Story. This is the first Taylor song I ever heard in 2010, so I'll always have a soft spot for it. But it's also genuinely a perfect song. Rating: 10/10.

4. Hey Stephen. Super cute and iconic. "All those girls, well they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you?", you'll always be famous. Rating: 8.5/10

5. White Horse. You guys give this song too much hate. It's s not her worst track 5 by any means. You guys just don't get her like I do. My favorite lyric is "Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance.My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.". Rating: 8.5/10.

6. You Belong With Me. Banger of all time! Been there, too, Nerdy Taylor in the mv. Rating: 10/10.

7. Breathe. One of my fave deep cuts. There aren't a lot of friendship breakup songs out there, so I'm glad she exists. My favorite lyric is, "Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out". Rating: 10/10

8. Tell Me Why. The fiddles here give me life. It has a lot of good lyrics, my favorite one is "You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day". Rating: 8/10.

9. You're Not Sorry. Gonna piss a lot of people off, but I genuinely don't like this song much aside from a few lines and the production. I just find it rather boring, and it's really similar to White Horse because both songs are about not forgiving an ex and going your own way after finding out they were cheating on you. I do like the first few verses. My favorite lyric is "And it's taken me this long baby, but I figured you out" and I love the guitars and violins, but yes, I don't have a lot of positive things to say about this song. Rating: 6/10.

10. The Way I Loved You. What a banger!! The guitars, the banjo, everything!! Chorus of all time, which also has my fave lyrics in this song. My favorite lyric is Rating: 10/10.

11. Forever & Always. Another perfect song! And late 2022 me really related to this (fun fact F&A was written on the same day I went through a friendship breakup that had me blasting this the rest of that day). My favorite lyric is, "Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide like a scared little boy?". Rating: 10/10

12. The Best Day. I get why some people may not like it, but I love it. Favorite lyrics are, "I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying, and you hold me tight and grab the keys, and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop till I've forgotten all their names", because yeahh... anyways. Rating: 9/10.

13. Change. Love the production, but lyrically, it is weak. I don't 100% agree this is Long Live 1.0, because Change feels more like a rousing speech, while Long Live feels more like a celebration of their achievements, declaring that in case everything goes wrong she hopes everyone will look back fondly on their times together. My favorite lyric is, "Because these things will change. Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down". Rating: 6.5/10.

14. Jump Then Fall. This song is cute and all, but I just think Hey Stephen is better tbh. My favorite lyric is, "The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry, but I'll hold you through the night until you smile." Rating: 7/10.

15. Untouchable. I've debated whether rating this song or not since it's just a cover, but since it's on both the 2009 Platinum version and on Fearless TV, I'm rating it. I think her vocals here are quite good, and I love the country rearrangement. My favorite lyric is, "In the middle of the night, we can form this dream, I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me. You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together." Rating: 8.5/10.

16. Forever and Always (Piano Version). Since this is genuinely another version of the song with different vocals and production, and not just a remix, I'm rating it. While it's not my preferred version of the song, I think it's a nice rendition. Rating: 8/10.

17. Come In With The Rain. Soo underrated, her vocals are quite nice, and the production is really good. Rating: 8/10

18. Superstar. I don't get why you all hate this song. Is it the best platinum track? No, but it's not the worst one when Jump Then Fall is right there. Rating: 7.5/10.

19. The Other Side of The Door. Another banger of the century. One of her best outros!! Rating: 10/10.

20. Today Was A Fairytale. Sooo cute, you are mean for hating on this one. Rating: 8/10.

21. You All Over Me. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not big on the Fearless vault tracks, because I feel like most of the truly great material made in either in the standard edition or the platinum edition, so what was left off was overall just alright imo. I don't dislike this song by any means, but I prefer production on the 2005 demo over the one on the Taylor's version because it just doesn't like a Debut/Fearless Taylor song and it sounds a little too polished (idk if it makes sense? Idk, the only time Aaron Dessner has let me down is when it comes to the Fearless Vault). Rating: 6/10.

22. Mr. Perfectly Fine. It's definitely the best vault track on Fearless! My favorite lyric is Mr. "Insincere apology so he doesn't look like the bad guy". Rating: 10/10.

23. We Were Happy. I quite like this song, actually, but I prefer the demo production over the TV one. While it does feel more Fearless esque than You All Over Me TV, I didn't love how they switched it from the orchestral arrangement to a downtempo ballad one. Rating: 7.5/10.

24. That's When. Writing wise, this song makes no sense... but melodically, it's quite nice soooo... Rating: 6/10.

25. Don't You. I kinda hate this song... the lyrics are okay, I guess, but the production??? This sounds like a Midnights demo... why are you doing synths and vocal layering on the most awarded country album??? Rating: 5.5/10.

26. Bye Bye Baby. Well, I hate this one more, actually. I do like the lyric "It wasn't just like a movie, the rain didn't soak through my clothes down to my skin", because of how it contrasts with Fearless the song and her vocals here are nice, but everything else sucks imo. Rating: 5/10.

Overall score: 7.8/10 (counting the vault), 8.6/10 (if we're going off solely the original tracks).

[typhos-c-dragon]

i've listened through american beauty/american psycho!! the sound of this one was definitely interesting, i feel like it leaned into the "pop" side of fob harder than any of their other albums, which i don't dislike! not my favorite album sound-wise, for one thing i feel like it's their loudest album by a country mile which i wasn't expecting considering how loud mania is, but i can definitely vibe with this! my personal fave songs were uma thurman, jet pack blues, novocaine, and twin skeletons (hotel in nyc). centuries is great too, of course, though it didn't blow me away like i was expecting from the fob song with the most plays on spotify by a good 500,000 listens. aaaand i must confess that i am intensely nostalgic for immortals bc i was an absolute nerd for big hero 6 as a kid.

but yeah, with that i have officially listened through all of fall out boy's main studio albums (aside from evening out with your girlfriend, which after thinking on it some more, i'm likely not gonna listen to)! if you couldn't tell from my entire personality for the past like, two months, it's been a fun ride! i'm prolly never gonna have a definitive ranking of each album that i'm satisfied with (my favorite flip-flops between save rock and roll and so much (for) stardust every goddamm day, and infinity on high and folie a deux are so ridiculously good that it makes ranking everything below first place harder), but either way, this band has permanently wedged itself into my brain and i couldn't be happier about it <3

[freshprinceofverone]

The album is quite nice to listen to - I didn't hear it before going into the show though, I only listened to it afterwards There's a lot of fun stuff in the show and a few really good performers (Abi Bernadoth (the Prince de Conti) & Shaina Pronzola (Marquise) my beloved) but overall I wasn't blown away

Firstly it claims to be Hamilton-inspired and it's sub-titled L'Opéra urbain (so like a rock opera but like an urban opera?) which is an interesting choice (Molière being the closest author France has got to Shakespeare in terms of influence on the language and culture and all that) but there's several problems. Firstly, very little rap, and what there is is mostly very dubious both in the writing and the performing (the exception being Abi Bernadoth who is the only one to sound believable to me). Also they tried to go for the ambitious / 'why do you write like you're running out of time' vibe but... it doesn't fit with Molière's life story? Either that or they just conveyed it very badly. Like the first song has this weird chorus that goes something like “you will fall from seeking such heights of ambition and vanity” and I immediately saw it was going to be reprised at the end but 1) as part of the first song it came out of nowhere, and 2) as part of the last song it... still kind of came out of nowhere: I wasn't convinced at the end Molière was that ambitious – of course he was to a certain point, but I saw no vanity in the character. So it felt weird and out of place

So it felt like a weird Hamilton copy, but also like a Roi Soleil / Mozart crossover? Like Molière and Conti had big Mozart and Salieri vibes but also the setting was the same as the Roi Soleil (it's the same historical period, but it was treated in the same way, which feels like laziness). At least this time they didn't give the King's brother dreadlocks (on a white performer) so that's a start – but it's exactly the same characterisation. Also new euphemism for a gay man dropped thanks to some character describing him: “un homme délicieux” (=a delicious man)

Music wise I think they relied a bit too much on drops to keep the audience's interest up, but everything (aside from the rapping) was efficient, and especially as an album it's really satisfying

Aside from that yeah, I liked it, it's fun, the Prince de Conti is my fave (also Abi Bernadoth plays the sax at some point?) and it was all really well tied together

So.. what are people's thoughts on Molière L'Opéra urbain? Is tumblr even aware of it?

(I saw it last weekend in Lille and I have opinions, but I want to see what other people think - if anything)

[befehlvonganzunten]

hi! maybe this is gonna sound weird but i really like that you mention a lot of bands and songs in your fics and how you use lyrics for the titles. otherwise i probably wouldnt have discovered foals 😂 do you have any other band recs?

hi anon and forgive me but i cannot believe that my stuff - my stupid little fics - introduced you to THE BEST BAND. if this is true it means that i can happily retire now 😅

jokes aside, of course i can recommend some bands! listing all of my faves - including solo artists and non-math/prog rock bands - would take me an eternity, though, so here's my holy trifecta:

Foals - obviously. they OWN me, so i can't not mention them. "albatross" was the song that got me to into them years ago and it changed me forever. i will NEVER shut up about them. they're one of the best live acts i've ever seen and while their latest album isn't their best it's still incredible - critics be damned. neptune is arguably their best song but i also highly recommend providence, a knife in the ocean, spanish sahara, exits, what went down, late night and olympic airways.

Oceansize - if foals didn't exist this band would be my number one. they split up over 10 years ago and i'm still heartbroken. they never shied away from experimenting and the prog rock scene would be a better place if they ever decided to reunite. EVERYONE should take the time to listen to trail of fire at least ONCE in their lives ... ... ... and then proceed with silent/transparent, catalyst, savant and heaven alive and fall madly in love with them like i did.

Everything Everything - criminally underrated. they've been around since forever and yet no one is talking about them, which makes me LIVID on a daily basis. they're math rock at its best and their new album f*cking SLAPS. also: their drummer is out of this world and my personal hero. suffragette suffragette and duet are my all-time favourites but if you want to get to know them, i suggest you start with cough cough, to the blade, cut up! and schoolin'.

in short: there's so much more great stuff out there in the music world but if we're talking about bands these three are IT for me. give them a try and you will all see why 😌

[gaveyouigaveyoui]

HIII JEEEEEENNNNN 🥰🥰🥰

FIRST AND FOREMOST, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 💓💓💓 i hope you had the gentlest and best time with your loved ones, and that you spent the time surrounded by all the love and happiness you deserve and so much more! 💖

it's been some time since i last came so i'm afraid i might be asking/talking lots of things today, i hope you don't mind 🥺

ohhh your top of albums and songs makes me go 🤩🤩🤩 dancing with our hands tied is one of my favourite songs; it's so NJSHDBHBHCCDHUYVC. all of folklore of course it's chef's kiss; along with evermore it's my favourite album! (i count them as one because of how much i love them and also to be able to count another album in my top). dear reader and yoyok are also some of my faves off midnights!! i must confess it took some time for the album to grow on me (in contrast to folklore, which was love at first sight and listen) but i agree on it being very raw and honest. on that note, seeing taylor grow and mature, not just as a person but as a musician and lyricist, is a very special thing to witness; and watching her most recent work, such as midnights, portraying and embodying that growth (which many of us have had too along the years), is just something that makes me very touched.

PARALLELS!!! the colour references are just!!!!! just!!!!! i love them too!!! i wish i could rant about them as eloquently as some people in this fandom but my only braincell can only do so much. my favourite perhaps might be the blue in hoax (don't want no other shade of blue, but you) and the golden in dancing with our hands tied (deep blue, but you painted me golden). picture me screaming crying etc just thinking about it (i am very normal about it). also i just remembered a line from troye sivan's blue (i want you, i'll colour me blue) that is making me lose my mind sjdhbhdbdfh.

i'm soooo eager for the lavender haze video 😭😭😭 i love the song and the visuals we've seen are absolutely gorgeous so i'm like ahhhhhh just drop it please 😭😭😭

asides from taylor, what are some of your favourite artists? what other albums do you love? what other songs hold a special place in your heart? what was your top spotify wrapped song this year? what is your favourite song taylor has written (considering the lyrics only)? if you were to describe yourself in three songs (from taylor or any artist), what songs would they be? what is/are your favourite books? what is your favourite drink? what is your favourite season? besides english, do you speak any other language?👀👀👀👀

oh lastly, from all the words you know, what is your favourite word? this one's just a dumb curiosity of mine 😅

finally some misc stuff:

OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN FALL OUT BOY CHANGED THEIR ICON AND ARE POSTIGN THINGS??? i've been eager to see new music from them but i don't really follow them that much, although i really like some of their albums

scarlet and maroon are the cutest kangaroos i've seen 🥺🥺🥺they look so fluffy i am cryinggggg

i saw your comfort movie is disney's alice in wonderland, that's so cool 😭; do you like disney movies? (asking cause i love those movies!)

the edit you posted is so pretty!! i love that question...? lyric JSBHDYBYD

OH MY GOD YOUR CAT IS ADORABLE I'M CRYINGGGGGG SO FLUFFY SO CUTE I'M- DJBHJBFDVGFVFVFDFSDHBDHGDVYDVDGVCRGRVFR [santaswiftie.exe has stopped working]

after such an extense ask, i just want to send you lots of hugs and best wishes 🥰 i hope you're healthy and doing well, and i'll read you soon 👀 also i apologise in advance if there's any spelling or grammar mistake in here, i am more worried about accidentally not hitting the anon ask option and exposing myself like a clown 🤡

-🎅 (your santa swiftie) (clarifying since i'm sending this from my laptop and i'm not sure if i picked the right emoji)

HIIII SANTASWIFTIE 🥰🥰🥰 I'm gonna answer this in parts as you have sent it lol MERRY CHRISTMAS (Late) i hope yours was wonderful darling, xo ask away i am ready

I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WE BOTH HAVE TASTE lol.. i love watching taylor grow. as a person, a lyricist, a public figure, a woman.. i love her. i can't wait to see what she does next. when i see her live i think i'm gonna completely fall apart lmao

THE BLUE REFERENCES!!!!!! YES!!!!!! AND all of the different reds!!! PURPLE PINK SKIES. i could go on and on. her use of color is so good because it literally paints a picture in your mind of what she is saying. queen shit.

lavender haze mv is gonna kill me i can't wait for more big tshirt dancey taylor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok my other top artists are: halsey, harry styles, 5SOS, fall out boy, demi lovato, twenty one pilots, ariana grande, lorde. ALBUMS OMG. 5SOS5. manic by halsey, mania by fall out boy (I'm bipolar so this is funny to me) leave this town by daughtry. melodrama. metamorphosis, hilary duff. let go, avril lavigne. if i can't have love i want power, BADLANDS. someone stop me? emails i can't send.

special songs: two pieces by demi lovato, bishops knife trick by fall out boy, holding on to you by twenty one pilots.. i'm with you by avril. top song this year was STATE OF GRACE (TV) MY BELOVED!!!!!!! oh my god fav taylor song by lyrics only??... probably.. mirrorball. i thinkjfkjdsgj

describing myself in 3 songs: mirrorball (heh), fire starter by demi lovato, still learning by halsey

favorite books: doctor sleep by stephen king <3333 it by stephen king, all of LOTR (Including the hobbit).. wuthering heights !!!!!!

favorite drink: lemonade! if u mean alcoholic.. tequila with any kind of juice or vodka cranberry

favorite season: autumn!!

i took 4 years of spanish in high school and retained a little of it, but otherwise no. my memory is awful, i should have maintained my studies

MY FAVORITE WORD???? .... Bailey. my kitty:)

misc:

fall out boy changed their icon to this weird yin/yang looking thing idek and there's a link to a weird video that makes you think you did drugs and you can rsvp to something without knowing what it is by giving your info this better mean new music i'm losing my MIND.

scarlet and maroon are cuddly but scarlet keeps falling out of maroon's little pocket! thankfully she is attached but between me moving around and cuddling her and my cat playing with it she's like hangin on barely lol

i love disney movies, they comfort me a lot. the older ones more than the recent ones, though.

THANK YOU I LOVE MY EDITS AND I AM PROUD OF THEM

Bailey is the fluffy king of my heart

thank you so much this was really fun to answer all of these!!!! you're still a mystery, don't worry !!! you're the best xo hope you're well honey!!!

[mellowasinyellow]

100daysofwriting - Day 1

So I thought for the first day I might just briefly outline all of the WIPs I have actually made a start on and that might help me to decide where I want to focus some energy. I have some for Katniss/Peeta in THG fandom and some for Natasha/Clint in the MCU.

Everlark

folklore series - so I started this series of fics inspired by songs from Taylor Swift's album folklore because honestly those songs just immediately bring to mind so many scenarios that made me think of Katniss and Peeta. I made a start on chapters based on peace, my tears ricochet, invisible string, this is me trying, and mad woman. I also have a bit of an outline for continuing the story that was started in 'the 1'.

I've had this one WIP ongoing since about 2015(?) which is a bit of a monster that has grown beyond me but basically it involves Katniss and Gale being raised in the Capitol in relative poverty after their fathers are conscripted into the peacekeepers because of traitorous activity. Mrs Everdeen is still from 12 but was moved to the Captiol to be married (this part is sketchy) and she still had a little childhood romance with Mr Mellark. Peeta gets reaped and Mrs Everdeen reacts to this as he looks like his father. Katniss gets a crush on him as she watches him prepare for the games. She hates herself for it but finds herself checking up on how he is doing even during non-mandatory viewing.

Arranged Marriage - I feel like this is such a cliche for thg fandom, but I just imagined my own way that the pairings happen but I'm so bad at writing slow burn so this will probably never materialise, but if you want a semi-decent thought out pairing/arranged marriage system I would be happy to lend you mine.

Miscarriage fic - I will never post this, but it's in my WIP folder. It's full of nasty feelings that feel a little better when they are written about.

Modern AU Pandemic Quarantine! - ofc, this is essential. Katniss and Peeta end up as the only people not to move home from their dorm for the quarantine. Slow burn that I can't fucking write should ensue.

Canon Pandemic Quarantine AU - pandemic a few years after the end of the war forces Katniss to admit she wants Peeta as more than a friend with whom she hunts, bakes, rebuilds the district. Cue sexy pandemic times and a resentful Haymitch that keeps accidentally breaking the rules.

Divorced but co-parenting Everlark - obviously finding their way back together

Another classic of their children being reaped and dying - I don't know why I write things this depressing. They just tend to come out in one big rush and then I never address them again.

Real weird teen pregnancy modern day AU - don't know where it's going or why...

Modern day AU dead Prim - Peeta and Katniss just met each other through mutual friends and are kind of flirting. Peeta is a bit infatuated. Katniss stops going to mutual friend parties and he finds out it's because her sister died. Instead of staying away he gets tangled up in her grief and does all sorts of practical things while Katniss wallows. Also it's E rated but not that much fun... can't entirely explain where this one came from either...

Single Parent AU where Finnick and Annie play match maker. Probably my fave Everlark in the works but it's another one that has grown so big for the 20 minutes I can dedicate to it each week.

Clintasha

Red Room Take Down - Nat and Clint are retired and living a quiet family life with their child. SHIELD appears asking for Nat's help in taking down the red room and dealing with the fall out, specifically what to do with the girls that they get out. Nat is torn but chooses to go. Chaos ensues with the 'rescued' girls. I need to actually develop some OCs a little if I ever want this to be good but tbh the pending Black Widow movie is kind of holding me back on this one too because I hope we find out more about the red room.

So I have a weird habit of writing from Lila Barton's POV. I can't explain it. I have AoU and like to pretend it never happened but anyway I have a WIP about Lila detailing the collapse of her parents' marriage after Clint retires and he and Laura actually have to spend time together without Natasha. She then goes on to describe the custody settlement and her utter joy that Auntie Nat sleepovers with them at her dad's place. She feels utterly betrayed when she finds out they are getting engaged.

Fluffy AU - Clint and Natasha in an established relationship with a son born between infinity war and endgame. Natasha still sacrifices on Vormir, but Steve gets her back no bother and it's so nice and happy and fluffy and Clint and Natasha are together and they have a son who has both parents back and Steve gets to make all this happen and he is so happy too and they have a barbecue and go swimming in a lake and clint/natasha have private time, and their kid wants to be captain america, and did I mention how HAPPY everyone is?

Another fic similar to the above just about everyone being so HAPPY. Endgame reverses the snap and instead of weird farm family coming back Clint and Natasha get their daughter back and it's just a cute moment about her reappearance and their race back to the spot she disintegrated from. (Steve/Bucky go to Vormir and Steve is sacrificed, but that fucker CHOSE to leave).

This is another one that has just grown bigger than my brain. it's based off the idea that Natasha helped with coordinating fosterings during the blip time. Clint loses his mind when he loses his family and crashes in BedStuy but finds a neighbour girl (Kate Bishop) who is fending for herself in post-apocalyptic Brooklyn. He helps her out and tries to get children's services involved but it has collapsed. Finds out Natasha is the one getting everything in order. He gets in touch. She's at the end of her tether and asks why he can't keep looking after her. In the end he does and she ends up getting involved and all three get overly attached to each other. I haven't got as far as the events of endgame and idk what's going to happen. It might be tragic.

Pregnant Natasha but nobody knows what is wrong with her because they don't even suspect her being pregnant is possible. Just a real vivid description of the early unpleasant pregnancy symptoms.

Another absolute monster - Sort of canon compliant to begin with aside from before the farm family disappear. Clint and Laura are in the middle of separating and tensions are running quite high at the farm. Snap happens. Nat and Clint accidentally run into each other while both a bit low during the blip and get drunk and share home truths. Begin working together from HQ and both get a little less sad. He convinces her she doesn't have to be responsible for the world's fate every moment of every day. Clint has a break down at Morgan's 1st birthday and realises that things will have to change. Nat has this realisation later. They begin sleeping together. Accidental pregnancy. More feelings come out between them. They enter a more conventional relationship and have baby. Baby is really hard work (colic) and they struggle with comparisons and feelings of inadequacy. Pepper helps them to identify the colic and improves everything greatly. Happy times with baby while also running the avengers. Opportunity to reverse snap. Some good scenes between Nat and Tony. A big conversation between Nat and Clint about what it will mean. Steve and Nat end up going to Vormir together. Nat is obviously about to commit suicide. Steve over powers her and gives her a pep talk about the situation she is running away from and how to deal with it. He self-sacrifices. Clint goes back to farm fam and Natasha goes back to BedStuy with baby. Clint has to tell Laura and then the kids about the last 5 years and their new siblings. Nate is super into it. Cooper is a bit aloof and cynical. Lila is confused. Laura is quietly seething. Clint helps put the farm back together about 5 years of neglect and the kids meet baby. Family gets happier. Laura and Nat eventually meet again and it's civil/friendly.

My own version of what happened in Budapest.

The Call - inspired by a post here on tumblr. Nat calls Clint as she bleeds out. Just needs a beta reader and then I would consider publishing.

AoU reimagined but with Clintasha - I'm not sure where this one is going it's like a massive spider web right now with lots of ideas shooting off, but basically it is inspired by this post and just involves a lot of hoodwinking the other avengers.

Accidental Baby Acquisition - Natasha becomes Yelena's child's legal guardian after Yelena gets taken out. Natasha and Yelena are estranged at this point and Natasha things the whole thing is a trap and brings Clint along. He is surprisingly good with the baby so she ropes him in to teach her. The three of them end up bonding.

5 times there's only 1 bed + 1 time they choose to sleep in the same bed.

non-superhero AU Clint and Nat both think they have adopted a stay cat but actually the cat has owners and just likes strokes and eats a lot so has many 'families'. They get into an argument over which of them the cat belongs to only to find out the cat has owners and they are moving away. They decide to adopt a cat between them as both are not hope that much and the shelter refused them as single people. Slow burn ensues, which I am shit at writing.

[terrainofheartfelt]

I made a character playlist for my girl Jennifer Tallulah Humphrey, and at the behest of @bisexualdanhumphrey I decided to write a post about it (because I love music and have a lot of Opinions)

Here is a link to the unlisted youtube playlist. A lot of these are just songs that I think Vibe, but when there’s a particular lyric I added it to the list. and WOW this got very long bc I have no restraint #sorrynotsorry

1. “Kaleidoscope Heart” by Sara Bareilles

Inside is not a heart / But a kaleidoscope

2. “Bird Song” by The Wailin Jennys - this to me is just the vibe of baby Jenny when we first meet her at the top of the series? And I had to include this band just for the name alone, yk?

3. “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” as performed by Patti Smith

4. “Save Yourself” by tiLLie

5. “Mainstream Kid” by Brandi Carlile - again the whole thing. (loving Brandi Carlile is wlw culture)

I was born so I could fall in line / I'm a legend in my own mind

6. “Gold Dust Woman” by Fleetwood Mac

Rulers make bad lovers / you better put your kingdom up for sale

7. “Hard Times” by Paramore

All that I want / is to wake up fine. / Tell me that I’m alright / that I ain’t gonna die.

8. Careful by Paramore (Paramore first tracks go so hard what a gift)

9. “Least of All Young Caroline” by Frank Turner (like this whole thing especially the chorus but the 2nd verse in particular)

You know her parents build her up / then they let her fall aside. / Now she has the scars on her legs that she won’t explain from when she disappeared that night

10. “Bastards” by Kesha

Got too many people / got left to prove wrong 

Don’t let the mean girls take the crown / don’t let the scumbags screw you ‘round / don’t let the bastards get you down

11. “Is there Somewhere” by Halsey (she is such a Jenny vibe, like everything she does but there are a few song in particular on this list)

12. “Why Am I Like This?” by Orla Gartland

I've got my mistakes on loop inside my head

13. “Church” by Aly & AJ

Too many nights and there's no end / I'm hellbent, the reckless one

14. “Back to Black” by Amy Winehouse - just bc no one rocks the black monochrome lewk like J

15. “Hold Me Down” by Halsey - really all of Badlands is Jenny, but I really like the live performance I have on the playlist bc it’s so raw (and the piano is so good)

I sold my soul to a three-piece / and he told me I was holy

16. “Hurricane” also by Halsey

Don’t belong to no city / don’t belong to no man

17. “Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright” as performed by Kesha - I know a different cover of this is on the show during That Episode, but this cover? It’s just her voice with a synth (or strings?) underneath and it is such an incredible and devastating interpretation 10/10 would recommend

18. “Good Kisser” by Lake Street Dive - an aftermath of That Episode song

Now everybody's talking 'bout me / 'Cause you would dirty me up just to get yourself clean

19. “Motion Sickness” by Phoebe Bridgers - I have no explanation other than that she is just a Vibe

20. “Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole” - by Martha Wainright - just, all the lyrics

I will not pretend I will not put on a smile I will not say I'm all right for you When all I wanted was to be good

21. “Galileo” by the Indigo Girls - I just, cannot make a lesbian-themed playlist without them

How long ‘til my soul gets it right?

22. “Tattoos” by Frank Turner - one of my fave lyricists of all time, and I very much hc Jenny getting several tattoos in her adulthood and I may have written fic about it

23. “Loving Her” by Katie Pruitt - this is just a wlw anthem, that’s all

24. “26″ by Paramore

Hold onto hope, if you got it Don't let it go for nobody And they say that dreaming is free But I wouldn't care what it cost me

25. “Rainbow” by Kesha - this whole album is for women exorcising all the toxic men from their past, we love to see it

And I know that I'm still fucked up / But aren't we all, my love?

26. “@!#?@!” by Motion City Soundtrack - it’s been years and I still don’t know how to say this title out loud, I just call it expletive or the motherfuckers song. Justin Pierce just sings “you motherfuckers” so tenderly...unparalleled...

You all need to go away, you motherfuckers. / You all need to leave me and my sensitive homeboys alone.

The final two are more like bonus tracks, for both the humphrey sibs, bc I love them both sm. (And they’re both by Brandi Carlile. because I’m me.)

27. “The Joke” - like the first verse is so Dan? and the second is so Jenny?

I see you tugging on your shirt / Trying to hide inside of it / And hide how much it hurts

We gotta dance with the devil on a river / To beat the stream Call it living the dream, call it kicking the ladder

28. “Murder in the City” 

I wonder which of us is better Which one our parents loved the most I sure did get in lots of trouble They seemed to let the other go

Always remember there is nothing worth sharing Like the love that let us share our name

[xueyangs-pinky-finger]

Ooh I have the cloud recesses as my phone background.

Are you vegetarian? I am (mostly). Meaning my family has always been vegetarian so that's how I grew up and now as an adult, I've tried some meat but only eat it in social situations with friends occassionally.

Oh yes the nightless city sky is soooo beautiful!! I noticed the same thing whenever I giffed the scene where lwj shouts Wei Ying!!!!!! as wwx falls 😈😈

I used to be a huge fan of Hannah Montana as a teenager! Were you?

I've almost escaped from essay hell! Just need to proofread and edit and then upload. Almost there 😅

And yes of course I'm trying to get more cellmates in thirsty jail. Spread the thirst! 🥵

I couldn't find the exact fic link I'd mentioned but I think it was this one? I'm not fully convinced since I think the summary I'd seen before had other stuff also mentioned but it wouldn't hurt to share this link anyway so: archiveofourown.org/works/26220175/chapters/63814693

What languages do you speak? Are you trying to learn any language right now? If not, is there any language which you wish you knew or that you've always wanted to learn?

A more random question: what do you look for when creating or customising your Tumblr theme? Are there any specific must-have features? Eg. For me, I need to have pagination and not infinite scroll. And I need tags to be visible and reblog+like buttons available immediately. And easy navigation links that I can customise. I'm kind of picky, lol!

oh you’ll have to show me which pic you used sometime! I think I got mine off of nsmgroup’s twitter~

yup yup, have been my whole life (minus one experimental phase when i was rly young that i don’t like to think about)! same, it’s how i was raised & my whole family’s vegetarian too~

i’m a sucker for a pretty sky~ whenever we get nice pink clouds here or anything i always gotta go out and take pics lol. (and how many times have you giffed it omg u masochist!!)

oh for sure! you know i watched disney channel and bought those albums, lmao. though it might’ve been more pre-teen era for me? but yeah i think my faves were hannah montana, wizards of waverly place, and suite life (i must’ve watched the original but i have more memories of suite life on deck since that came later)~ i also watched sonny with a chance and then so random after~ & i was rly into high school musical, ofc. <3 that’s probably one of the reasons i enjoyed julie and the phantoms so much, is bc it’s kenny ortega and it has hsm vibes~ we need more fun musical shows and movies, honestly…

ah yay! do you have a celebration planned for when you finish? 😄

tsk tsk tsk, your pro-thirst agenda never rests… 💜

oh damn, 73k… 😳 i’ll file that one away for later, lmao.

i’m a monolingual loser, unfortunately 😔 love the idea of speaking another language, lack the motivation to follow through (story of my life alkdf). all i’ve got is a few phrases in korean, thai, and chinese i can recognize from being into kpop and watching dramas. the language i want to learn rly depends on what i’m into at the moment, but right now it would be korean and chinese. chinese just seems sooo difficult tho; it scares me alkdf. korean i feel like isn’t that bad, just based on what i know so far~ that is always a goal i have in my mind tho, to at least open up duolingo every once in a while, i just haven’t been able to get serious about it. i think i’ve always been interested in languages, but aside from being forced to learn spanish in elementary school (of which i obtained 0 knowledge after 5-6 years; everybody disliked the teacher and no one learned anything lmao), and taking like one french class, i don’t think i ever rly had a particular language i wanted to learn until i got into kpop~ i definitely wish i’d managed to learn one when i was young, since i’ve heard it gets harder as you get older, especially when it comes to accurate pronunciation, but oh well…

ooh that’s a good question bc i just recently gave this blog a theme for the first time ever!! i think i agree with everything you mentioned~! actually here are my notes from when i was looking for a theme lol: “one column, probably not too narrow, not centered, but to the right with the side bar to the left of it. a side bar that’s more gif-heavy than words-heavy (i want to showcase a good-sized gif of xue yang + pinky there). probably not too colorful, but black and white, to go with the content/theme of my blog. not super fun & sunshine and rainbows-y, but not too boring and businesslike either. no infinite scrolling. search bar is a must (rip maybe i can add one TT).” i still haven’t figured out how to add a search bar, rip… it also depends on the vibe of the blog, like i love colorful themes but they don’t rly suit this url, lmao. but i’d love to use a more fun theme on my other side blog~

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[brettyimages]

hello!! i just started out with suede and im in a bit of a loss, so if you could help me a bit that would be greatly appreciated :-) could you recommend me some songs? I only ever listen to self titled and coming up at this point haha. also, do u have some lives to recommend? And does the band have any documentaries of tour diaries or whatever? last but not least, is there a place to read their older interviews??

Hi!! Of course I can help you! Self-titled and Coming Up are my faves and they’re definitely good places to start, most of their well-known songs are on those two. My other favourite is Dog Man Star which came out between those two - The Wild Ones is the one that Brett thinks is the best Suede song ever written and he might be right because it’s really beautiful. That album has a bit of everything, there’s the angry dramatic songs like We Are The Pigs and This Hollywood Life that kind of follow Animal Nitrate, but there are also tons of ballads on there - Still Life is my favourite of the slower ones. I don’t know what other sorts of bands you’re into but if you like psychedelic rock or shoegaze or any of that sort of stuff that has long instrumental bits definitely listen to The Asphalt World. If you haven’t already checked out their b-sides you must - apparently nobody told Suede that b-sides weren’t meant to be a bit worse than album songs so there are absolute classics like To The Birds and He’s Dead and Killing of a Flash Boy and My Dark Star lurking on their b-side compilation (Sci-Fi Lullabies). Oh, and Stay Together is VITAL, they kind of hate it and it’s not on any of the albums but it’s the most beautiful nuclear apocalypse love song (if you love synthpop you’ll know that’s the best topic for a love song - looking at u Dancing With Tears In My Eyes & I Melt With You). Beyond Coming Up it starts to get a little… lower quality in places. She’s In Fashion was the first Suede song I ever knew and it’s good, it’s really chill but it has that “Brett is taking a lot of drugs” vibe. Can’t Get Enough and Obsessions are also good singles from before they broke up. There’s 3 albums from their 2010s 2nd life - I’ve not explored them in great detail yet aside from The Blue Hour which is amazing but very different to the likes of Coming Up. My fave songs from the current Suede are Barriers, Outsiders and It Starts And Ends With You which are all total rookie choices so I guess a good place to start?? If you grew up with emo music you’ll probably love 2010s Suede, I honestly don’t think it’s a world away from the sort of songs I think MCR would have made if they’d been British, and there’s a dark-lyrics-hidden-in-catchy-tunes vibe that AFI’s last few albums have had.

For lives, I’d recommend their Royal Albert Hall show from 2010 which is the reunion show that made them stay together! They also played the same venue in 1995 and if you can find a recording of that it’s really good too! For a good early Suede live show, look for Love And Poison, which is the video they put out of their show at Brixton Academy in 1993, and the Casino de Paris show from that year too which is Brett in peak exotic dancer androgyny mode. Both those are on YouTube. Finally the most important Suede live video is Animal Nitrate at the BRITs in 1993 (when bands like Suede didn’t get to play those sorts of shows - look out for the reactions of the crowd having watched Brett spank himself with his microphone and have his nipple fall out his blouse every 10 seconds). They do have a documentary called The Insatiable Ones - if you’re British and have Sky it might still be on Now TV or whatever because Sky Arts made it, but if not it’s out on DVD (but like, let me know if you want to see it and I’ll slide you a d/l link). Simon Gilbert, who is Suede’s excellent drummer, had a video camera in his hand from 1994 onwards so there’s loads of footage of them on tour and in the studio on the documentary and floating around YouTube if you search for it! There’s also a book originally called Love & Poison but reprinted as Suede: The Biography post-reunion (which I actually haven’t read yet but have heard is v good) and if you haven’t read Brett’s memoir Coal Black Mornings I cannot recommend it enough. I found it in the library but if you’re British you can get it in Fopp or The Works for only £3! Finally, old interviews aren’t hard to find on tumblr. The best place to find them is in @kalluun-patangaroa ’s archive 😊

Thanks for sending me this and letting me type the longest recommendation post ever, I hope this helps! Once you get through the music there’s a Spotify playlist someone made called “Suede-All Albums” which has every song ever on it for you to find your own faves 💖

[lifeascaty]

I have this stupid thing where if I love something, truly love something, I eventually have to push it away (I’m not talking about people, fyi, before everyone thinks I’m making some sort of tortured emo post)

Like, I love LOTR. FOTR is the movie that made me fall in love with the possibilities of film and TV. It’s possibly the reason I’m now here in Hollywood. But I love the trilogy so much that I have to watch it sparingly, on special occasions only. 

And my brother doesn’t get it. He loves those movies too and watches them whenever. He didn’t get why I’d proclaim to love them too but not let him just randomly put them on for us to watch on a random Sunday afternoon. 

He especially didn’t get when I said it hurts sometimes. Like, I can love these things so much that it hurts and I have to ration my exposure to them. 

And I love Harry Styles’ first album, but - aside from the odd song - I haven’t listened to it in months and months and months because it hurts. I love it so much it hurts. 

I have no idea why I have this reaction to things. 

I’m trying to listen to From the Dining Table, which is gorgeous and one of my fave songs and his performance of it at The Greek almost brought me to tears, but it’s like my heart is overflowing and soon my eyes might start overflowing too and honestly wtf type of reaction is this?!

I don’t understand why I can’t like things a normal amount and why I can like things so much that it hurts and why pain is even a fucking reaction option?!

[harjii]

2018 Music | My Faves

This is a bit delayed but @genjitsu-no-yume reminded me to create a list of my favourite music in 2018. I’ve split this list into 3 sections; favourite songs, favourite albums and throwback discoveries because I am constantly discovering music releases months (sometimes years) after they’ve been released OTL. 

By no means is this a list of what I think was the best. This is simply a list of the music I discovered which I loved and none of it is in any particular order. There’s constantly so much being released and all of it is so wonderful, how to possibly pick between it all?! 

Anyway, without further ado, here’s a list of my favourite music in 2018!

Favourite Songs Released in 2018

Tell Me - Infinite

Till Sunrise (feat JW of Nell) - Kim Sunggyu

The Chance of Love - DBSK (TVXQ)

Crossing A Line - Mike Shinoda

Caste of the Nine - A9

Who We Are - FAKY

Get It - PRISTIN V

Forever and a Day (Lean On Me) - WANNA ONE

Dear My Friend (Feat. Washio Reina from E-Girls / Flower) - MACO

Warrior (Feat. John Cooper) - Ledger

HELP ME - NU’EST W

Heroine - Sunmi

Sleeping Beauty - Epik High x Sekai no Owari

Shoot Met - DAY6

Sober (feat Ummet Ozcan) - HYO

F E E L S - Safetysuit

Almost Love - Sabrina Carpenter

Growing Pains - Alessia Cara

Fakeshow - Da-iCE

If It’s Okay With You - Nam Woohyun

La Fiesta - THE RAMPAGE from EXILE TRIBE

Woman - BoA

Fake Divine - HYDE

Love Bomb - fromis_9

Upside Down - BIGFLO

Black Heart - UNB

Tempo - EXO

Pretty Sin (Oh! My Mistake) - APRIL

Hope Torture - NELL

Spring Breeze - WANNA ONE

Favourite Albums Released in 2018

1. Post Traumatic - Mike Shinoda

Having been a Linkin Park fan since I was 13, Chester’s passing hit me really, really hard. Every Linkin Park fan can relate to the heart break felt but when Mike started releasing music, it became therapy for us all. The album dropped half way through 2018 and by then, he’d already released a fair number of the tracks as E.P.’s beforehand. Even though we’d heard many of the songs by this point, listening to the album as a whole was so much more emotional and so moving. Mike’s emotive lyrics, the strife he went through after losing someone so close to him is a pain we all felt we could connect to. Truly, I’m so thankful to him for releasing this album. I replayed it so much for weeks and weeks and the more I listened to it, the more I felt myself healing. The music is incredible; as always Mike has his own unique touch when it comes to creating music and the lyrics really tell a story of grief, sorrow, heartbreak, anger but most of all, hope. It’s this hope that we’re left hanging on to by the time the album ends and if that isn’t the perfect way to end an album, I don’t know what is.

Favourite tracks:  Over Again / About You (feat. blackbear) / Crossing A Line / Hold It Together / Make it Up As I Go (feat. K.Flay) / Running From My Shadow (feat. grandson)

2. DON’T MESS UP MY TEMPO - EXO 

Honestly, I was too immersed in NU’EST to give EXO a second thought as both groups debuted at the same time but I’d always known of EXO and always had a distant appreciation of their talents. However, when they started releasing teasers for their comeback my EXO-L friend started sharing her excitement with me. I went with it, intrigued to hear what they’d release. The moment I watched the MV for ‘Tempo’, I was instantly sold. I was so sold that I couldn’t stop re-watching the MV for days and days, to the point that I was trying to find signal in the Bermuda triangle that is the staff room at work just to stream it during lunch breaks! Safe to say, I fell pretty hard. Then I listened to the whole album and I was blown away. My only question was-why hadn’t I listened to them properly in the first place? Every song on this album is a mature progression for the group and their harmonies are just unyielding. I honestly can not praise this album enough. Mostly I’m just so thankful that it exists because it got me into EXO’s music properly, after long last!

Favourite tracks:  Tempo / Ooh La La La / With You / 24/7 / Bad Dream / Oasis

3. WHO, YOU - NU’EST W

Picking a favourite album by my boys was difficult because they released 2 stellar mini albums in 2018, however I had to go with ‘WHO, YOU’ in the end because my goodness was every track blindingly fantastic. In fact I’d go as far as to say that every song on this album could be released as a promo track and every song would chart well. NU’EST W did a brilliant job in the composition and tone of this album. It’s somewhat moody whilst also incorporating EDM which just blends so effortlessly. I really can’t fault any song on this album. And don’t even get me started on the title track; ‘Dejavu’ was a masterpiece! Prior to release NU’EST W had stated that the title track would include Latin tones since that was quite a big musical trend throughout 2018. As expected, they incorporated the Latin tones so subtly that it created such a infectious and trendy song. Also that bass in the chorus-bridge is so funky! Just amazing. NU’EST W’s musical development in 2018 was such a marvel and this album really proved that.

Favourite tracks:  Signal / Dejavu

4. WARNING - Sunmi

As a Wonderful, naturally I was excited every time Sunmi released anything. However seeing just how her popularity soared after ‘Gashina’ was released filled me with so much inexplicable joy because yes, this is what she deserved; RECOGNITION. This woman has only ever worked hard to challenge herself and grow as an artist and ‘WARNING’ is certainly proof of that growth. Comparing the musical tone of ‘WARNING’ to her first mini album ‘Full Moon’ you can really hear the stark difference in styling both musically and vocally. Sunmi has always had a unique set of vocals but in her ‘Full Moon’ mini album, they were masked greatly by the production I felt. But having more musical control after leaving JYPent, Sunmi has proved release after release what a capable song-writer she is and how she can work with the production team to create an album that not only appeals to the large majority but is true to her artistry. This entire album is testament to her talents and to know that she snatched so many music awards for it fills me with nothing but pride. Every award and achievement with this album was well deserved.

Favourite tracks: Siren / Curve / Gashina / Heroine 

5. The Pains of Growing - Alessia Cara

I’ve been a fan of Alessia’s music from the moment I heard ‘Scars to Your Beautiful’, introduced to me by my sister. That was one of the rare times where she had shared music I actually loved! Ever since then, I’ve patiently waited for Alessia to release some new music, so the moment ‘Growing Pains’ was released as a single, I was instantly hooked. I replayed the song so many times in one day I lost count. I just knew that her new album would be equally if not better than her first album. She certainly matured in her lyric writing and musicality because ‘The Pains of Growing’ is such a fantastic conceptual album. The trials and tribulations of transitioning into an adult can really be trying but Alessia took all those experiences we all go through and placed them in song. Listening to the songs on this album just makes me remember those difficult times yet at the same time, there’s a fondness in the crazy and ridiculous emotions and moments which took place. That is what this album does; it takes you back to those times if you’re already grown. But for those who are growing still, it’s something you can find comfort in and relate to.

Favourite tracks: Growing Pains / I Don’t Want To / Trust My Lonely / Nintendo Game

Throwback Discoveries

1. EVOLution - Sabrina Carpenter 

I didn’t mean to completely fall helplessly in love with Sabrina Carpenter’s music especially since I just looked her music up after binge watching ‘Girl Meets World’, but that’s exactly what happened. In fact I listened to her music non-stop for so long, my sister got fed up of constantly listening to Sabrina (she should’ve been thanking me really //rolls eyes). Her first album ‘Eyes Wide Open’ was such a sweet and soft album, I really enjoyed it a lot but her second album ‘EVOLution’ really was a level up in her styling both musically and physically. It’s very experimental and you can tell that Sabrina was still finding her feet and figuring out what kind of music she wanted to release, but I always love the journey. The albums which portray the journey, the experimenting, I always end up loving them the most and this album is exactly that. Lyrically, I really love what Sabrina did on ‘Thumbs’; singing about society and humanity the way she did was brave and I couldn’t help but love her even more after hearing this song. Every song on this album holds its own and is such a fantastic testament to Sabrina’s progression as an artist. 

Favourite tracks: On Purpose / Thumbs / Run and Hide / Mirage / Don’t Want It Back / Shadows

2. Holiday Night - Girls’ Generation

Work became quite stressful for me last Spring and for a whole week, I found that ‘Holiday’ by Girls’ Generation kept popping into my head. The odd thing about this was that I’d only heard the song a handful of times and I’d never listened to the album-so then why was it in my head? How? I put it down to the fact that I actually needed a holiday, ironically (I really did though //sobs). In the end, I decided to look the album up and give it a listen. So I did. And then I listened to it some more. And before I knew it, I was just listening to it on repeat for weeks. Honestly, I’d never gotten in Girls’ Generation properly (aside from absolutely loving their Japanese album ‘Girls and Peace’); I’d just casually listened to them over the years so I was quite taken aback by just how much I loved this album. It just made me feel so happy and made me feel so good, especially after long tiring days at work. This then propelled me to look into their discography a little more...that is until I got a little sidetracked...

Favourite tracks: Holiday / Only One / One Last Time / Sweet Talk / Love Is Bitter 

3. The Voice - Taeyeon

So whilst listening to more Girls’ Generation, I thought, “Oh yes, solo work!” And I don’t know why, I went with Taeyeon’s solo work first. That’s basically where I got completely sidetracked and completely forgot to check the other members because W O W! Taeyeon has some amazing pipes!! I had watched her MV for ‘I (feat. Verbal Jint)’ years ago but just not taken to it as much; after re-watching it, I then watched the MV for her song ‘Make Me Love You’ and that’s where I fell for her music. It’s such a simple song melodically but the way Taeyeon’s vocals build throughout the song from one octave to another, gaining more and more strength and confidence just fits the meaning of the song so perfectly. I was so blown away when I heard this song that I needed more. I downloaded her album in the end and gave it a proper listen. Every song had me hooked but the song which got me the most was ‘Time Lapse’. When I saw that Kim Jongwan from Nell had written the lyrics and helped with the composition I just knew I’d love this because I love Nell, and I did love this! SO MUCH! But it wasn’t just the song structure and melody, but Taeyeon’s voice is so vulnerable in this song. When she hits that high note towards the ends of the song, it gives me goosebumps every time. Honestly, it left me breathless. No wonder her first full album was entitled ‘The Voice’ because really, Taeyeon’s voice is exceptionally. To add to it, she covered Nell’s ‘Time Spent Walking Through Memories’ which was an additional bonus track on the physical album and what a cover it is-WHAT A COVER! I’ve nothing but so much love for Taeyeon’s talent, truly.

Favourite tracks: Make Me Love You / Fine / Cover Up / Time Lapse / When I Was Young / Live in Color / Fire / Time Spent Walking Through Memories (Nell Cover)

4. Tree - SEKAI NO OWARI

What I love doing at conventions is picking up random album, just to discover something new and exciting. Although in this case, I knew about SEKAI NO OWARI already and I absolutely loved their song ‘Death Disco’ and their collab with Epik High, however beyond that? I knew very little of their music. I came across the limited edition of this album at a convention and thought, “Wow, I know this is rare so I should just get it. Yup.” Plus it was a great opportunity to expose myself to more of their music, so why not? I do think music is about timing because if past me had heard this album, I don’t think I’d have appreciated it half as much as I appreciated listening to it in 2018. SEKAI NO OWARI’s musicality is just so unique; I’ve never heard anything else like it! The more I listened to this album, the more I found myself in a trance just repeating it. I’m a big fantasy lover so when listening to this album, I realised it was like listening to something from another world, something mythical and sometimes ethereal but mostly just-unusual, in a good way. It’s very difficult to explain the way SEKAI NO OWARI’s music sounds but if you know it, you know what I mean. If you don’t know it, you should go check them out.

Favourite tracks: Snow / Magic / Fantasy / Mermaid Rhapsody / Pierrot / Death Disco / Dragon Night 

5. The War - EXO

Having finally given into EXO, I basically spent all of November and December listening to their entire discography. ALL OF IT. The hilarious thing is that my first impression of ‘The War’ was, “I’m not entirely sure what I feel about this album”. Then I re-listened to it more and more...and more...and more, until i realised the entire album had grown on me at an alarming rate. In fact, the point at which i realised just how much I loved this album was when I was trying to create a playlist of my favourite EXO songs and I put 7 out of 9 songs on this album in that playlist. What’s even funnier is that I liked ‘Forever’ and ‘Diamond’ the least when i first heard them, but after listening to the album so much, they became two of my favourite songs! This doesn’t happen often, where I end up liking an album I didn’t like much to begin with so much but this album really knocked me for twenty! I could probably write reams and reams for every single track on this album but what I will say is that this album really shows just how much EXO grew musically since their first album ‘XOXO’. I really feel like you can hear EXO coming into their own on this album like-they sound comfortable with the music they’re singing, as if this is what they’ve wanted to create for so long. They exude so much confidence vocally on this album that you can’t help but fall for every single track. At least that’s what I found!

Favourite tracks: Basically the entire album. Don’t even ask me to pick!

[medevac]

Nerina Pallot - Stay Lucky

Now, if you know me, or have at least had the ‘pleasure’ (a loose term reader[s]) to have had a conversation with me about music, religion, the economy, politics, memes or well… anything really I’ll probably have managed to shoe-horn in my penchant for a certain Jersey-born singer-songwriter. You may also know that isn’t my first musing about Nerina’s latest body of work I’ve released into the ether (see an extensive & exhaustive list ranking 2014’s Year of the EPs here). There is definitely a 3/4 written piece about the last LP The Sound And The Fury as well, which I never finished or uploaded; however the worry when writing anything about one of your musical heroes is the knowledge that they might just see (or at least tl;dr skim) & feel a sense of agony that their vision and artistry hasn’t been appreciated as intended, which is probably most likely due to my inane way of rambling & probably not articulating what I really want to say very well at all. Or that it just comes across a little bit sycophantic, like that video where Bradley Cooper (before he was famous) is in a studio audience blowing smoke up Sean Penn’s arse.

I digress and I will try to remain relatively concise in regard to what I want to share about Stay Lucky, Nerina’s 6th studio album. The tl;dr version of this is ‘OH MY WORD, WHAT AN ALBUM, BUY IT NOW’, but humour me for now and allow me to expand upon that a little;

The album opens with Juno, the original working title for the LP and a towering behemoth of an opener. Classic Nerina songwriting, however with a grand musical soundscape, reminding me of something that could be found on Kate Bush’s Ariel (albeit with a little more pop-sensibility & a lot more melody, Kate I love you, but I’m correct on this one) - “The prettiest bird in all of the world’s at my window” is repeated through the bridge before a soaring glide into the abyss around 2:35, followed by some stunning interpolation as the track draws to a close. The fluttering recalls the noise I think a bird’s wings would make if tied to musical instruments, anyway Juno is the one™ for me, but let’s not let that fool you into thinking the rest of Stay Lucky isn’t worth every loving crafted second of the 46:43 the records’ running time. The first time I heard Man Didn’t Walk On The Moon was its debut on Radio 2 while at my parents’ house, my mum relayed how catchy she thought it was and gosh wasn’t she right? Perfectly coquettish delivery of the lyrics throughout, and the line “I’ve got a cartoon heart & a SodaStream, baby look at us we’re a young love’s dream” has has never made me want to enjoy sparkling water & kiss boys more. Line up, line up, I’m going to Amazon Prime one first thing in the morning.

Bring Him Fire for me is a cross between I Saw The Light (from the Little Bull - EP [and one of my all time favourite Nerina songs fact fans]) & Spirit Walks (from 2015′s The Sound And The Fury) albeit with additional, though not superfluous strings throughout, which let’s be honest is a combination for excellence. The more I think about it, the more I think how perfect Come Into My Room would be playing over a soft-focus montage of characters having sex in a Love Actually sequel, with a cut away just as Nerina coo’s “cummmmm” at *ahem* climax of the song. The title track remains as stunningly beautiful as the first 150 times I played it - “And the greatest trick of life, is thinking that we’ll never die, darling don’t ask me why, it only makes me cry” still gives me a lump in my throat if I think about it too much.

I could say a lot more (and if we’re honest, you’ve probably not even got this far, so would it really matter if I kept shooting off on tangents?) but that saxophone outro is the highlight on Better, Fleur East who? Take me to a café in Paris, and I’m almost convinced that The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter needs be played on repeat for the rest of eternity there, go on, any café, I don’t mind, it’d be nice to have a holiday wouldn’t it? I’m not entirely sure if there’s another song that sums up the fatigue of waiting for someone to come along who may not even exist as well as this does, and as an aside, for weeks I’ve been paraphrasing “curse the languid afternoon” when I’m really bored in the office at work & someone thought I was verbose & intelligent, so thanks for that Nerina - I really can always count on you.

All Gold is a latter album highlight, it starts out a simple piano affair, before a phenomenal string arrangement accompanies what may be some of Nerina’s best vocals of her career. That’s a grand claim, I know, but they really are that good. The production on Stay Lucky is remarkably good throughout, however particularly strong on All Gold. I’m a stickler for a middle-eight as well, and this is the strongest offering on the album - the flourish of strings at 2:39 before “I’ve just got this feeling….” and the introduction of brass as Nerina & Rod Thomas (AKA Bright Light Bright Light) repeat the title gives me chills, I may have even done a little tiny cry the first time I heard it, but let’s keep that between us, okay? Okay.

Come Back To Bed for me captures the vibe of the Christmas Tabernacle shows, though I don’t think it’s ever been played there - but there’s something woozy about it all - like on Christmas Day when you’ve drunk a little too much egg nog & eaten a few too many mince pies, but a sexier, less-festive version of that. Notable mention to “If you’re sorry for what you said then honey…” *guitar plays the melody of the title* too, that’s a moment.. Closing the album is Bird “I’m so weary of keeping up” feels very fitting with everything that’s happened in the last couple of years, what a weird bloody place the world is at the moment. That detuned MonoPoly action for the middle-eight is sublime, prior to a necessary key change and subsequent chorus exclaiming “I’m living my life like its golden, golden” as the music, or bird in this case, flies away into the distance. As a keen ornithologist (honestly, look in my parents’ shed at the amount of bird books I have) I’m really appreciative that metaphorical bookends of the album of the year (there, I said it) compliment each other with similar imagery.

It’s hard to capture or articulate an emotion but I think Stay Lucky is the closest to describing the feeling of what falling in love is like without realising it, with that classic Pallot-melancholy I relate so well to sitting underneath it all. The album is an incredible addition to a back catalogue that your faves could only wish for - Nerina herself claims she isn’t Kate Bush & this isn’t an album the world was waiting for (which is ridiculous to be frank), however it’s the album I was waiting for & I couldn’t be more thankful. For everything x

[icarusandthe-sun]

Welcoming 2018

If you tell ten-years-old-meka that she’s going to spend new year’s eve alone in her room she’d probably throw a fit. But eighteen-years-old-meka is currently doing the same right now and I would never asked for a better way to spend my new year’s eve. 2017 passed so quickly but I realized there’s so much I’ve gone through this year. Yes, personally, it’s been a tough year for me. Especially for my family. We’ve gone through a big financial problem on early 2017. I have to get used to a lot of changes in our way of living, notably during ramadan and eid al-fitr. On the other hand, this problem has not only created sad memories but also taught me a couple of life lessons. For instance, it made my family grew closer at that time. It made me understand of one proverb that says “life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up sometimes you’re down.” which is true. 2017 was a point where my life is on the downside of the wheel (financially). That’s why I believe my family and I will get through it sooner or later. Our wealth is on the hands of Allah SWT. Trust Him, maybe Allah has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. I’m thankful enough and hopefully, I’ll always be patient enough.

Aside from financial problem, I also have gone through a rough patch with my mom this year. Our relationship was tested to another level. Long story short, someone asked me to marry him. At the age of 18 of course, I said no. It’s not because he’s ugly or something, but there are many other factors that made me don’t want to settle down with him such as his criminal record for alcohol abuse and violence, his demeanor, and etc. But my mom agreed with him and wanted me to marry him because his parents are close friends to my family. Those three months of cold war between my mom and I really highlights my 2017. However, it also has brought us closer lately. After that one final night wherein we finally laid it all out and talked about everything −which resulted me having another episode of panic-attack and a breakdown− mom and I realized we both just want the best for my future. And we’ve come to agreement and understanding. Also, she said seeing me having panic-attack and breakdown like that scared her so much that she promised not to push me beyond my boundaries again. 

Other than those two unfortunate events, my 2017 went pretty good. Mostly caused by my fandoms. Bare with me, it’s just how I cope. Taylor released her new album Reputation and single-handedly saved my 2017. I’m also grateful for Selena who’s battled her lupus. There are lots of amazing tv show too this year; Riverdale (who has taken up 60% of my life), The Crown Season 2, Stranger Things Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 13 Reasons Why, Gilmore Girls: Revival, Game of Thrones Season 7, and many more. Marvel and DC movies are also amazing this year; Wonder Woman restore my faith for DC, Thor: Ragnarok slayed me to next decade, Guardians of The Galaxy 2 is just astonishing. Spiderman: Homecoming is on top of my fave list. Not to forget The Infinity War Part 1 and Black Panther Trailer are one of the best things in 2017. Apart from Marvel and DC cinematic masterpiece, there are tons of great movies this year too! Everything Beautiful is Far Away, Everything, Everything, Mother!, Home Again, Coco, Breathe, Battle of The Sexes, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Murder on The Orient Express, American Assassin, Loving Vincent, Newness, Gifted, Okja, Song to Song, Before I Fall, and much more! Those are just half of my list. 

For friendships, 2017 has been kind to me. This year, I reconnected with some of my old friends. It felt amazing to talk to someone from your childhood (Hi Mirta!). I grew closer with three amazing women in law school. For Ayu, Annette, and Ira; thank you for helping me went through this semester. I love you guys. For my high school best friends −Nay, Diandra, Aya, Nindya, Puan, Amanda, Lunny− here’s to another year of our friendship! You guys mean the world to me. For my homegirl, Talitha; we didn’t hang out often this year. But the way you’re always there for me (literally just one call away) means a lot to me. I love you so much. And to a lot of people who are close friends with me (Shilla, Sasa, Dinda, Awal, Saniyya, I can’t mention you all here) please know that I’m grateful to have you all in my life. Thank you. I can’t forget about my two amazing swifties best friends Olivia, and Megan. Thank you for listening me whining, and giving me all the supports when I needed. I can’t wait to meet you both.

I’ve been surrounded with tons of love and support this year. Whether from my family, or my friends. Although it’s another year of me being single, surprisingly, I realized it didn’t bother me too much. Of course, I still yearned for affection and sometimes I felt lonely, but I’ve been focusing on self-love more this year. I enjoyed being on my own. This year, I’ve kinda been discovering who I am, and I’m grateful to be single because sometimes the only way you can do that is through being alone. But to be frank, I’m so ready for romance in 2018. 

My visions to look forward in 2018 are only a few. I just want to be a better individual in 2018. Maybe cuss less, and I want to be closer to Allah. I admit, I’ve done things I’m not proud of in 2017 and those things had made me far away from Allah. I want to be better than that in 2018. Also, maybe, I want to be focus on my education in law school. I know it’s a hard change due to how I was so lazy and demotivated in 2017, but baby steps. 

Ultimately, I want to say Happy New Year 2018 to all of you. May in 2018, all of our dreams become reality. Here’s to us, here’s to life, and here’s to love. Remember guys, “Positive attitude changes everything” let’s make this our motto in 2018. 

Best Regards,

Meka.

[autumnrory]

i think the reason unnecessary (and often untrue) criticism of taylor swift bothers me so much more than it does with other celebs i like is because it just feels so personal

there are celebs that are just as important to me, that i love just as much as taylor. other celebs who have made me happy during hard times

but the thing with taylor is how her music has been there has been there during my worst times, since middle school, when life started getting harder (even if those things back then seem so silly now, they mattered then). i first heard should’ve said no at a party in seventh grade (shoutout to that girl amanda that i never talk to anymore, she was a gr8 friend through most of high school tho) and i was just listening and it changed everything. not that i’ve ever been cheating on, unless one of those Super Serious middle school boyfriends cheated on me and i don’t know about it. but i did relate to the song in an entirely different way.

and i was hooked.

i think i must’ve listened to a lot of her stuff on youtube all the time, because i remember shit like invisible and teardrops on my guitar and everything about the guy you like liking someone was else was EVERYTHING TO ME during in seventh and eighth grade, like wow. i know self titled is my least fave album, but those songs really are what my early teenage years were like.

her first album that i got was fearless, followed by her self titled and speak now (i’m assuming i asked for them as gifts, which is why it wasn’t chronological, but i don’t remember). but speak now came out in the fall of my sophomore year. right after i started crushing on a guy i’d known forever, who would start dating one of my best friends a few months later (and another good friend a few months after that), so you can guess that some of her older songs were fitting when that happened. well, the beginnings of that crush had me putting sparks fly as my ringtone for him and basically being head over heels in the best way possible.

sophomore year was really lonely, and taylor’s music was (and still is) one of the best things i had

and when we stopped talking so much, and i was convinced that he wanted nothing to do with me -- because the second friend of mine he dated told him i liked him, talk about betrayal (where was bad blood when i really needed it?) -- even though that probably wasn’t the case at all, and i was just being paranoid, it felt like the end of the world. and haunted was the song

i didn’t get over for him for a very long time. our friendship was very off and on, but that was probably my fault more than anything. i wanted to stay away and let him make the effort if he really wanted me in his life, but he didn’t really, and i kept coming back. but i think he just wasn’t that kind of person, which is sort of funny because now i’m the kind of friend who finds it really hard to put in the effort and reach out, though that particular friendship experience along with others may have something to do with that. anyway, i’m not here to psycho analyze myself.

we were probably the least close throughout junior year, but the whole off-on thing didn’t go away. we hung out close to the end of summer before senior year with two friends who had recently started dating and we had such a great time and i started having hope. and at least considered telling him how i felt, whether he knew i still liked him or not. and then a little bit into senior year, he started dating someone. and then red came out. red, my favorite album of all time.

he started dating someone. and i started distancing myself again. but once again, it never lasted. i wasn’t as lonely senior year as i had been the previous two years, but it wasn’t perfect. and he was one of few people who made me really happy back when that loneliness began, which i think is part of why i fell so hard and it was so hard to get over him. 

but red. god. i could talk about this album forever. i almost do? come back...be here? all too well? treacherous? obviously, a lot of the songs are very blatantly relationship/breakup songs. but i was able to take certain lyrics and they just summed up how i felt perfectly. so much of that album applied to what i was thinking and feeling and i loved it. all too well was my favorite song for a couple years, but i think for that time, i almost do was really the situation with us. how many times did i want to reach out to him, but had to tell myself not to? we talked things through towards the end of senior year, i explained how i liked him and felt like he wasn’t making an effort and why i kept distancing myself. and i thought things were better. for a little while, they were. i’m 22 now (ha), a college graduate, and i have not spoken to him since before we graduated high school.

that summer went by, freshman year of college went by, i still wasn’t totally over it. i sent him a letter beginning of freshman year, because i was Brave, and looking back it seems so stupid, but i needed that closure. only it didn’t really work, because i just got even sadder that i never heard from him again. but was i listening to all too well (hey, it might not have fit exactly, but it’s really fucking sad like i was) and say something by a great big world (okay, i know, not taylor, but it FIT -- also wow, imagine if she covered that, i would die) late at night and crying because i had never felt that way about anyone the way i did for him? yeah, i was.

now, 1989 came out during the fall of sophomore year. now i’ve never related as strongly to that one. in part, i think a lot of the album is very uh, contrived lyrically, but also i’ve only had a few crushes here and there over the last few years. but some of the lyrics DO go back to that situation i’ve been discussing. like, i was absolutely yell-texting my friend “where was “people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye” when i needed it???”

also bad blood. i had a few Bad Friendships in high school and you can hate that song and say it’s sexist all you want (it’s not, it doesn’t even use gender specific pronouns), but it’s SO RELATABLE.

so uh, yeah, now that i’ve written this ridiculous fucking essay, i just wanna say that taylor swift literally means so much to me. her music was there for me when no one else was, which sounds so cliche, but it’s true. i love her and i love her music and even though my opinion of her has shifted some over the last five years, i’m always gonna love her. she’s always gonna be the girl who had me sitting at a party and silently losing it because no one else had ever written how i felt so CLEARLY before.

i didn’t really become part of the fandom until after red came out and even more so after 1989 (i just didn’t follow every aspect of her life or what she was doing, i was just listening to the songs and vaguely aware of people she was friends with/dating/”dating”). i wish that i’d gotten tickets to red and maybe even speak now, but me and my sister did get to go to the 1989 tour in kansas city together and it was one of the most fun nights i’ve ever had.

i’m not naive. i don’t think taylor is one hundred percent honest or perfect or genuine or selfless. but i think she is a hell of a lot more genuine and selfless than a lot of people in this world. i know it’s weird, but i don’t think vocals are the most important part of being a singer. because like, look how many pop singers and indie dudes Cannot Sing Live. taylor's vocals have definitely improved over the last few years, but for me, it’s about those beautiful lyrics she writes. how straight up she is in her songs, even if i think a lot of the things her songs are based on are not totally genuine, ya know. a nineteen year old girl wrote dear john. a nineteen year old girl wrote that entire fucking album.

taylor swift is talented. she’s incredibly intelligent, she’s hilarious and snarky and sarcastic. she’s so fucking sweet to her fans, and you can say her niceness is an act but? it’s better than how many celebs are honestly just mean. like, there’s a reason all the fans and people who meet her (aside from a few celeb feuds) say how kind she is. personally, i prefer people to just be nice, unless the situation calls for acting otherwise. and most of the time, she’s stuck with being nice (that in no way means i think she’s in the wrong for calling out people who have been shitty to her, like john mayer, who is an abuser and deserves to be dragged through the mud for it).

it really horrifies me how much people wanna say a woman who has constantly been a victim, since she was just a child writing songs about boys, is just playing the victim. i will never know everything about her or the situations she’s been in with other people, but the way she’s treated is honestly despicable, and how i feel about her makes it so much more upsetting. i think she can handle it, i don’t think fans need to baby her, and i don’t think writing songs about it is bad. she’s made it very clear that she writes songs about her experiences from the beginning of her career.

so yeah, taylor getting attacked makes me sad, and i imagine it bothers her sometimes, but she’s probably more chill about it than i am. but i just love her so much, and i know not everyone is gonna like her, but seeing someone who means the world to me constantly super criticized over really minuscule things is really ridiculous and annoying and upsetting.

call her out on actual shitty behavior like you would anyone else, but god if you don’t like her or her music or something literally harmless that she does, just like, shut up about it sometimes. some people just wanna love her in peace.